Round (okay, I lost count) of The Friendly Sharptooth’s goofy episode reviews. Today, as you can see by the title of this thread, I’m going to tackle The Star Day Celebration. I commented here a while back, but I wanted to include this thread in my outrageous review series. For those who haven’t read my others, I am taking episodes and humorously tearing them apart. Let’s begin, shall we? Question: If you get a splinter, do you run around screaming and jumping? No, you say? Wise answer. You see, running around screaming and jumping will do as much good for removing your splinter as dressing up in a clown suit and break dancing on a concrete floor full of banana peels. That being said- WHY THE HECK WAS CERA TRYING TO REMOVE THAT STICK FROM HER HORN BY JUMPING AROUND AND SCREAMING!? Sorry for yelling. /Takes a deep breath and calms down So yeah, Cera gets a stick on her horn and decides to go ballistic. In fact, did she actually believe that would work? Maybe she was just trying to get attention so someone else would remove it. If that was the case, maybe she could have, I dunno- SIMPLY ASKED, “HEY, WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS STICK OFF OF ME!?” Sorry again. /Takes long slow breaths So, Cera, if you have a problem, it might help your situation to do things that would, well, actually help your situation. And don’t wait an hour to ask. ëNough said.
Whoa! Amazing fact! There are astronomers in The Land Before Time! Not joking- really. Ruby says a star can only be seen three nights between cold times. Did some dinosaur(s) see a star one day and decide to see how many times it would show up each year? Kind of a lot of work, isn’t it? “Dear, let’s go to bed. It’s late.” “Sorry, sweetheart. I have to stay up until it gets dark so I can see if this one star will be visible.” “Why are you doing this, again?” “Because I want to know how many times a year it shows up.” Sighing, “Yes, but why?” “Why? Why!? Because, that’s why! You never know. Knowing how often this star shows up may one day help some random child know when her star day is.” “Okay, get to bed, now!” “No! I have to keep watch. If I don’t, who will? Then some random child may have no way to know when her star day is!” “That’s it! I want a divorce.” “Can dinosaurs even get a divorce?” “If dinosaurs can be astronomers, they can get a divorce too! Now good night!” So yeah, one can only wonder what fueled a dinosaur’s passion to see just how many nights a particular star shows up in a year. That’s almost as weird as some of the things I do… Almost!
Let’s look at this line: “Saying I love you doesn’t say how much I love you.” … Ruby, ever hear of the phrases “a lot” or “very much”? Try using one then reevaluate your statement. Your dilemma here is almost as lame as Littlefoot and company wondering where the Smoking Mountains was when it was in PLAIN SIGHT! If you have a problem, it helps if you at least try to figure out a solution.
“You must learn how Chomper’s friends in the Great Valley learn to live together.” “Yes, Ruby, that knowledge may one day save us all from Redclaw.” Um… Okaaay… Let me get this straight. You parents are sending your daughter far away so that she can observe some children in hopes that what she sees may help those who live in the Mysterious Beyond survive against Redclaw? You, my good fellows, are insane! What kind of idiocy is that? You think some random kids you’ve never met may hold the key to survival against a vicious meat-eater? Good night, I actually have to THINK to find an example that STUPID! Okay, I think I got one: “Son, I want you to go dive into the ocean and observe some jelly fish in hopes that what you learn may save mankind from obesity from fast food. Best of luck!” I mean, seriously, what kind of blind request is that? You know what, the reason behind Ruby being sent away is so ridiculous that no insult could do it justice. I’m just going to shut up and move along, as the moronity of this whole thing speaks for itself.
Plot hole alert! Plot hole alert! While Chomper is leading Ruby to the Great Valley, he sees Saurus Rock, calls it by name, and realizes they’re nearly there. Hold the bloody phone! Before the television series, the last time Chomper saw Littlefoot was in movie five, The Mysterious Island. Littlefoot and his friends learn about Saurus Rock in movie six, The Secret of Saurus Rock. Yes, in movie six, grandpa Longneck said, “So they called it Saurus Rock, and it’s there to this day.” If the kids knew about this before the story, he would have had no need to tell them it was still there, because the kids would have already known. So then, ladies and gentlemen, HOW IN HEAVEN’S NAME DOES CHOMPER KNOW ABOUT IT!? “Hey, Chomper?” “Yes, Ruby?” “How did you know that was called Saurus Rock?” “Easy, silly. The writers had a little too much beer during the scripts.” “Oh, that explains it, explains it it does.”
“Where exactly are we going to find sweet bubbles around here? They don’t exactly grow on trees,” says Cera. Come again, Cera? “I said, ëWhere exactly are we going to find-’” Shut up! I know what you said! I’m just trying to comprehend the sheer foolishness of that statement. “What was that!? How was that comment foolish?” You really wanna know? “Yeah! Tell me!” I’ll do better, Cera. I will SHOW you.
Now, do you feel stupid, Cera? “I- I- yes…” You are the weakest link. Good-bye!
What’s that, Chomper? You say you’ll go anywhere to get something that’ll make Ruby happy? “You bet!” Even the blazing Mount Doom in the fiery land of Mordor? “You bet! Sweet bubbles are precious to Ruby.” Chomper, shush! Don’t say- “Did someone say precious? My precious… Give it to me! My precious!” Gollum, no! Get off of him! /Yanks Gollum off of Chomper and slams him to the ground Not THAT precious. He was talking about sweet bubbles. “What sweet bubbles?” You know. Sweet bubb-les. Boil ëem, mash ëem, put ëem in a stew. Ugh, gosh! I got Samwise stuck in my head now. I meant, sweet bubbles are a fruit. They aren’t worn on your finger with magical powers like your precious. “Oh. Gollum is so sorry.” Apologize to Chomper, not me. He’s the one you nearly bit his head off of. “Gollum sorry, Chomper.” “It’s okay. This is a children’s cartoon, so I can’t hold a grudge.” “Children’s cartoon?” Okay, we are getting off topic here. Next!
Okay, so the kids go and find some sweet bubbles. What else do they find? Why, Kosh/Mr. Clubtail buried beneath a pile of grass! Either he was in a coma for a month, or he somehow managed to place grass over his entire body. /Key eerie music What strange phenomenon has gripped this world? What unseen force is at work in the life of Kosh? Is he really a dinosaur, or perhaps something more, something much more… Such is the kind of thing one could only expect to see in- the twilight zone. But seriously, how did he manage to get covered like that? “Mr. Owl, how licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop?” “Let’s find out! A one! A two! A three! Three. Any more questions?” Yes. How many fans does it take to figure out why Mr. Clubtail was covered in plants?” “Let’s find out! A one! A two! A three! … A one million!” “Wait, Mr. Owl.” “What’s wrong?” “Just forget it. As the announcer used to say on commercials, the world may never know.”
They return with sweet bubbles and Chomper places them on a rock. Ruby starts coming, and they are dismayed. Why? Because they “Haven’t finished setting up.” Uh, what? What more is there to set up? The only thing you have is sweet bubbles and they were nicely set on a rock. What else is there to adjust? What, did you order some spotlights? A choir to sing Ruby a song? An orphan to show Ruby so she doesn’t feel as badly about being away from her family since the orphan has none? Come on, what else is there to set up? Gosh, I think Littlefoot just says things sometimes because he likes to hear himself talk.
Okay, when Ruby gets her request to play turned down, she decides to go to her thinking place to watch her star day star. Um, in the day time? Well, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt, folks. Maybe stars can be seen during the day at this time. Let’s take a look at a picture of the sky directly after she says this.
Hm. Anyone see any stars out? No? I didn’t think so. Hey, Ruby? “Yes? What is it, Michael?” Why did you say you’d watch your star when it can’t even be seen right now? “Sorry, I just say whatever the script writers tell me to.” Oh. Well, next time, I’d recommend thinking for yourself so you don’t look silly. “If you say so.” No! Think for yourself! Enough saying things because others want you to. If the writers give you a script, improvise sometimes. You’ll be a lot better off. “Thank you, Michael” The Fast Runner and human embrace in a warm hug as beautiful music fills the air as the sun sets.
Okay, so they save Ruby from being trapped in a cave, and Littlefoot is all like, “Chomper knew just where you’d be.” Uh, duh! Of course he knew! Last time he was with Ruby, she said she was going to her thinking place. He would have to be deaf to NOT know where she was. “I’m going to the store, mom.” “Okay, drive safe, dear.” “Hey, honey, where’s Michael?” “He went to the store.” “Amazing! You knew exactly where he was. I am so impressed.” Yeah, you can see how silly this is.
Wow! The Land Before Time is magic! It has instant regeneration. Here, have a look, and look closely at the thing in her hand:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZOxbdUGfCk. Simply breathtaking, is it not? If we build a time machine and go back to this era, we could end world hunger! Whew hoo!
Well, that’s enough bashing for one night, folks. Not a bad episode, just too much absurdity for my taste. I’m The Friendly Sharptooth. I tear apart The Land Before Time so you don’t have to! /Gets out of chair
