First of all, it is always a great pleasure to see new people try their hand at creative writing and the first stories are usually what you one would call mediocre at best. But that is why there are people who take the time to read and offer their opinion about it to help the author improve, which is what I do to the best of my ability with not only just new writers, but also new ones, like yourself. There’s only so much a person can accomplish on their first try, and I like to say that failure is the best teaching method there is.
Perfect for some playtime with the kids, Littlefoot, Cera, Spike, and Ruby decided to go relax in the mud pool. While Ducky thought of a new game to play with Petrie and Chomper.
This sentence might seem correct at first glance, but with a little editing it can be transformed into functioning one. I would personally go with something like this; ''It was the perfect time for some quality playtime with friends. Littlefoot, Cera, Spike and Ruby all decided they'd rather go relax in the mud pool than join the rest of their friends on this day. Meanwhile, Ducky had thought of a new game to try out with Petrie and Chomper.''
She explained that Chomper would try to hunt them. If he catches them, they would end up being his "dinner" which just meant that they'd be tickled by him, and they got permission for Chomper to keep them captive longer than a day.
Same thing here. Using commas instead of dots can improve the text to make it sound better to a reader as they will not be so focused on grammatical errors. As a writer, one should always capture the reader's attention quite early on, so the first few sentences will be the most important ones ever.
Petrie surrender, do your worstest to me."
This was something I paid close attention to, as this doesn't quite fit in with Petrie's characterization. I feel that you may have mixed up Petrie and Ducky's characterization. It is not a big problem overall, but paying extra close attention to these small details can remedy the situation a lot.
I am aware that my comments could have possibly made you a bit sad or disappointed in your efforts to make a good story, and I am certainly not saying anything in a negative manner, but sometimes there comes a time for each person to write as good feedback as they can where they point out all the things that caught their eye in which the author can improve next time.
Also, there are most likely a ton more things I could lecture you about, but I'm going to offer the others a chance to make their feedback as effective as possible. If there are two more things I must point out, it is that most people don't usually like short chapters that much without an impact, which was totally missing from this story as it didn't pull the reader into it enough so. The other thing is your use of ''to be continued'' at the end of the page, and that's generally something I'm not very much into as it doesn't exactly serve a purpose in the long run.
Despite these comments, I hope my feedback was appreciated and taken into account as I like to always express my belief in new writers that struggle at the start that they will improve if they are
ready to improve. I probably wouldn't be in the situation that I'm currently in if people didn't offer feedback to my stories and I guarantee that there are many here who will offer insightful feedback on all stories.
EDIT: I also totally forgot to inform you of the fact that mulling over stories shouldn't be rushed as that usually leads to bad circumstances. The idea behind this story, like I said earlier, didn't offer very much to the reader and it was just too silly to take seriously. This is nothing that a little planning in the future wouldn't fix, however, so don't give up!
