You knew it was only a matter of time before someone posted these. Some are junk but many of them left me rolling on the floor. Here are 37 facts about Chuck Norris.
1. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
2. Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands. Now, they're just called the Islands.
3. The Boogy Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed at night.
4. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
5. When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris once has sex with a Mack truck. Nine months later, Optimus Prime was born.
7. Chuck Norris broke Bruce Lee in half and the result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
8. Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris at a game of tic-tac-toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.
9. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighte plane by pointing at it with his finger and saying, "BANG!".
10. Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
11. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
12. Chuck Norris can hear you scream in Space.
13. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
14. Once, while fishing on the Gulf of mexico, Chuck Norris sneezed. Today, this sneeze is known as Hurricane Katrina.
15. Once, while visiting Spain, Chuck Norris got food poisoning and took the biggest crap known to man. Today, this crap is known as France.
16. Chuck Norris once ate an entire factory of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because the word "hunting" implies that there is the possiblility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
18. The only time Chuck Norris ever made a mistake was when he thought he had made a mistake.
19. Chuck Norris's head was going to be added to Mount Rushmore but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
20. A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is visible from Space.
21. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
22. If Chuck Norris got a nickle for every person to survive one of his roundhouse kicks, he'd have zero nickles.
23. If you misspell "Chuck Norris" on a Google search. it won't say"did you mean Chuck Norris?". It will say "start runnign while you still have a chance."
24. Chuck Norris doesn't love Raymond.
25. The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
26. Sometimes, Chuck Norris stares at the sun and it gets so scared that it runes and hides behind the moon. This is called a solar eclipse.
27. Chuck Norris once asked for a Big Mac at a Burger King and got one.
28. On September 11, 2001, Chuck Norris was away on vacation. The last time Chuck Norris went on vacation was December 7, 1941.
29. Chuck Norris fights better than Gaston.
30. Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries. Ever.
31. Brokeback Mountain is the pile of dead ninjas in Chuck Norris's back yard.
32. Chuck Norris build Rome in a day.
33. Chuck Norris built Mt. Everest with a hand shovel and a little plastic bucket. It took him two hours.
34. There is no suck thing as Evolution. There are only the animals that Chuck Norris didn't kill.
35. There is no suck thing as global warming. Chuck Norris got cold so he turned up the sun.
36. the best part of waking up isn't Folgers in your cup. It's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
37. If you refer to these facts as jokes, Chuck Norris will wipe out your entire bloodline
