The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time

metadude1234 · **Reply #3 on:** March 28, 2009, 09:58:16 PM

part 4 is on its way

metadude1234 · **Reply #4 on:** March 28, 2009, 10:36:38 PM

Serris · **Reply #5 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:04:45 PM

This could get interesting but you may want to work on your spelling and grammar.

Also, have you been inspired by A Jedi's Destiny?

metadude1234 · **Reply #6 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:05:52 PM

my story is sooo short :cry2

metadude1234 · **Reply #7 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:08:39 PM

Quote from: Serris,Mar 28 2009 on 10:04 PM

This could get interesting but you may want to work on your spelling and grammar.

Also, have you been inspired by A Jedi's Destiny?

yeh i finished reading a jedi destiny this morning and yesturday it inspired me to start writing this.

and yes i know its very similar to what happned in a jedis destiny
my friend read this and said it was cool because it had him and i in the story

metadude1234 · **Reply #8 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:12:35 PM

serris, do you think it is still a good story???

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #9 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:13:50 PM

I think it's a good story.

Serris · **Reply #10 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:18:02 PM

Well, the plot has potential to become very interesting but you may want to add your own ideas to what you borrowed from A Jedi's Destiny. Other movies and games can give ideas as well.

And yes, with development this story can become fantastic.

metadude1234 · **Reply #11 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:25:42 PM

metadude1234 · **Reply #12 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:27:05 PM

any 1 got any ideas that i should add into the story???
i'm open to suggestions

Serris · **Reply #13 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:38:33 PM

I'd say get a fan fiction.net account, wait a few days so you can upload stories and upload it there. That way, you can go "full throttle" with obscenities (as long as you rate it appropriately).

"something average that he was good at cooking" sounds a little awkward.

I'd also say work on the descriptions a bit. Though I have a powerful "visualization suite" and can produce images with scant description; it would be nicer to have more vivid descriptions.

metadude1234 · **Reply #14 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:55:57 PM

metadude1234 · **Reply #15 on:** March 28, 2009, 11:58:33 PM

Quote from: Serris,Mar 28 2009 on 10:38 PM

I'd say get a fan fiction.net account, wait a few days so you can upload stories and upload it there. That way, you can go "full throttle" with obscenities (as long as you rate it appropriately).

"something average that he was good at cooking" sounds a little awkward.

I'd also say work on the descriptions a bit. Though I have a powerful "visualization suite" and can produce images with scant description; it would be nicer to have more vivid descriptions.

ok, i'll try
part 5 of my story is fairly graphical
so it has a fair amount of description

LBTFan13 · **Reply #16 on:** March 29, 2009, 12:07:22 AM

This is an interesting story you have there. Just keep practicing grammar and mechanics and you will have one great fanfic!

metadude1234 · **Reply #17 on:** March 29, 2009, 12:31:35 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #18 on:** March 30, 2009, 12:54:28 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #19 on:** March 30, 2009, 02:21:38 AM