Attack of the pack

[Cruncher96]

This is my first fanfic story under the name of Viper96 on fanfiction.net
Essentially it's my idea of what can happen when you cause the deaths of sharpteeth's parents
The main villains in this are
Viper
Cruncher
Strag
Blade
Scar
Mora
Alba

And more, but fear not some new heroes appear that'll really help out the gang in their struggle against the mighty Pack

Please reply back if u would be so kind

[Ducky123]

Sounds like an epic concept of a fanfiction

I'm interested to see what your OC's are gonna be like and what kind of adventure the Gang will be having I'll R & R (read & review) as soon as you post your first chapter

[Cruncher96]

There are already twelve or so chapters up under attack of the pack by Viper96

[Ducky123]

Ah okay

So... are you going to post the chapters you have already written here? If not, I'd recommend you sharing the link to your story on ff.net here so people can read it there very easily without having to search for the story:)

[Cruncher96]

My Webpage
Here is the link to my fanfic, it would be great to R&R

[Ducky123]

The link doesn't work. I take the liberty to post a working one, okay?

Attack Of The Pack

[Cruncher96]

Here's Chapter 1

LBT Attack of the Pack
Prologue
This story is based on my ideas for either a new movie or new TV series of The Land Before Time. The main idea of this story is some new sharpteeth arrive at the Great Valley with very bad intentions. Plus the gang makes some new friends. The story is darker than the TV series and hopefully will be quite entertaining as well. At the end of each chapter I will give a character description of the new characters.
This is a quick summary of the new characters I will be introducing in this story
Viper (Spinosaurus) - Sailback
Strag (Ornithocheirus) - Sharpbeak
Alba (Deinosuchus) - Bigmouth Bellydragger
Mora (Mega Raptor) - Fastbiter
Blade (Mega Raptor) – Fastbiter
Scar (Ceratosaurus) – Horned Sharptooth
Cruncher (Suchomimus) – Sharptooth
The Mysterious Characters will remain a mystery for now.

Warning: Violence and death is involved
One final note feel free to use these characters in any of your stories.
Please leave Comments













Chapter 1
The Dark Dream
Littlefoot looked around at the pitch black background that surrounded him. He had no idea as to what was happening.
Littlefoot: Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Chomper, Ruby? Where are you guys….
Before he could say anything else a large burst fire came from out of nowhere, he was completely surrounded by the flames and smoke. He could hear the sounds of screaming Leafeaters and the roars and of Sharpteeth. His knees were shaking desperately he looked around trying to make sense of the situation.
He then shouted at the top of his voice “GUYS WHERE ARE YOU!”
“They’re right here Littlefoot” said a mysterious figure.
Littlefoot spun around and saw a cluster of shadow like figures standing in front of him. In front of them lay his friends. Littlefoot’s eyes opened wide open and filled with tears. Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Chomper and Ruby were all lying on the floor with their necks ripped open.  Littlefoots sadness then turned to anger and he charged at the mysterious shadows but was knocked back by one of their tales. As he lay on the floor in pain one of the figures approached him and placed its foot on his back, pinning him on the ground. He tried to get up but the more he struggled the more painful it became. The other figures were laughing madly in the background at seeing the pathetic Longneck try to get up. Littlefoot finally looked up and saw the figure above him, he could not tell what the figure looked like, he could only see his dark red soulless eyes glare into him.
The figure then raised his claws and spoke in menacing voice
“Now revenge is ours, HAHAHAHAHAHA”
His claws then came down and then total darkness.
Immediately Littlefoot burst wide awake, is heart rate and breathing had increased dramatically. Sweat and tears ran down his neck into a small puddle underneath him. Quickly he looked around to see if any of that had just happened. Finally he relaxed.
Littlefoot: Whew it was just a sleepstory, but I hope that will never happen.

Meanwhile in the Mysterious Beyond a large storm was on the horizon. Thunder and lightning struck the ground and skywater flooded the forests. A young Longneck who had been separated from his herd was rushing through a deep narrow canyon, there were cuts and bruises all over him. Behind him came snarls and screeches of different sharpteeth, he couldn’t see them properly but he knew they were there. He ran as fast as he could to a cave that he knew led to the Great Valley, but just as he got out into the open and was almost at the valley a large figure soared over him and clobbered him away. He was in huge pain as he the sharpteeth approached him. The leader approached him the furthest and spoke in the same voice littlefoot heard in his sleepstory.
“What is your name?”
The longneck was completely stunned at what he just heard the Sharptooth was speaking leafeater.
“I SAID WHAT IS YOUR NAME!!” the figure said more aggressively.
The little hatchling finally spoke up “um…Cyrus….” He said in a nervous tone.
“Looks like we got the wrong one guys” he replied
“Um…can…go…now…please” Cyrus said cautiously
He did not reply, all the mysterious figure did was give the hatchling a nerve-racking smile. Before the longneck could say anything else the figure slit his throat, killing him instantly. As the longneck lay there the mysterious figure gave a loud roar at the exact time of the lightning struck.
“REVENEGE WILL BE OURS!!”
Character info: (Viper) he is the strongest and smartest member of the pack and will not let anything get in the way from his goal. The only other thing that is important to him is keeping is friends alive and looking after them. He always has plan and anticipates everything that could happen in a situation making him a very deadly and lethal enemy.

Please Leave Comments
   Ignore the bad spelling

[Ducky123]

If you're going to post the chapters here, I'll review here if you don't mind

my review from ff.net

Hi, it's Ducky123 from the GoF

I'll point out what I like and then I'll point out where I see room for improvement, okay?

Starting a story/chapter with a dream, is always a good thing to do As is writing dream sequences at all of course. The story begins very dark and the reader is mostly not really aware of what's going on which is good because the reader wants to find out what happens next At least I do

This character info at the end is a good idea as well With every chapter, we get to know one character.

What you could improve is your spelling and punctuation at some points and the chapters could be a little longer.

Well, I'll see where this is leading Interesting concept, I'll follow this

Spelling needs some improvement, if you want me to, I could point out the mistakes and correct you

[Cruncher96]

no thanks I just have to improve the spelling

[Cruncher96]

Attack of the Pack
Chapter 2: The deadly beginning
The next day after the bad sleepstory Littlefoot was still a little bit nervous. He had told his friends about the sleepstory and what happened to them in it. Most of them were a bit frightened by it but as usual Cera believed it was rubbish.
Cera: don’t keep thinking about it littlefoot it was just a sleep story
Ducky: I don’t know Cera it sounded very scary it did it did
Ruby: oh I don’t like it either
Cera: come on guys let’s just forget and go play toss the seed
All: Ok
In the mysterious beyond two figures stood inside a cave entrance at the top of a mountain that looked over the Great Valley. One was I tall grey fastbiter with dark black stripes on him and Yellow eyes. The other was a flyer with dark brown skin and light brown eyes. The fastbiter spoke
Ace: the time has come Slasher, the Pack is coming and I fear we may not be able to stop them from getting what they want.
Slasher: I agree let’s do this
Back in the Great Valley the kids were playing toss the seed.. Littlefoots team was currently winning but Spike now had the seed.
Cera: keep going Spike you’re almost there
Ruby: you can do it Spike
Spike: Huh-Huh
Littlefoot: we better catch him guys.
Chomper: we’ll never reach him
Petrie: maybe Petrie will.
As Petrie flew in front of Spike to try and slow him down Spike dropped the seed and hit it as hard as he could. However it collided with Petrie and sent him flying all the way over a nearby hill.
Littlefoot: PETRIE!
Chomper: he’s heading towards the Mysterious Beyond
Ducky: oh I do not like this no no no.
Cera: Well don’t just stand there, we have to follow him and fast
Ruby: the more time we waste the more time Petrie is in danger
Littlefoot: then let’s get going and fast.
The Gang hurried as quickly as they towards where Petrie, in a large canyon just outside the great valley. They ran as fast as they could towards Petrie. Eventually they found Petrie lying unconscious on top of a rock.
Ducky: petrie are you ok
Petrie: Me ok but me no like that smell
Littlefoot: Yeah where is it coming from?
Chomper: Uh guys I think I found what’s causing the smell
 The gang then looked around the corner where Chomper was standing and noticed the body of a young longneck or least what was left of him. The group immediately gasped and Petrie vomited. They were shocked at the sight of this, half of the stomach was gone, two of the legs had been ripped off and the stomach had been ripped apart.
Ducky: oh I don’t like this no no no.
Littlefoot: I wonder what happened    
Cruncher: HA-HA-HA-HA
The whole gang looked up with surprised and frightened looks. They had been  followed by a mysterious figure.
Cruncher:  Oh don’t worry hatchlings it’s now your turn HA-HA-HA-HA
As he leeped towards the group they screamed at the top of voices. Eventhough they were about to be attacked they had no idea that this was just the beginning.
I will give you more information on Slasher and Ace later.
Character info (Strag) He is second in charge for the pack, he is a silent hunter who does not give up easily in a fight. He is best friends with Viper because they both trust each other with their lives. He keeps the others out of trouble and is usually alongside Viper or Alba. He is also the one who keeps an eye in the sky to see where their enemies are.
             
 

[Cruncher96]

Attack of the Pack
Chapter 3    
The maniac Sharptooth
At that moment the mysterious sharptooth sprang at the kids with its claws ready to strike and its mouth wide open with razor sharp teeth. He even taller than littlefoot and he looked much stronger than any of them.
Ducky: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Petrie:  AHHH ME NO LIKE THE LOOKS OF THIS
Ruby: Oh this is not good at all.
Chomper: Let me handle this, I’ll tell him to back off. RARRRRRRRRR!
Cruncher:  Oh please HAHAHAHAHAH I don’t need someone translating what I say and if you thought that longneck looked horrifying wait until I’m done with you HAHA.
The Gang all gasped with surprise and fear at the same time, Chomper was the only sharptooth they knew that could speak leafeater.
Littlefoot: Wait who are you and how can you speak leafeater?
Cruncher: Well the names Cruncher and when you spend a lot of time hunting leafeaters or in my case torturing leafeaters for fun you tend to pick up a lot of what they say, when they’re not screaming of course HAHAHAHAHA.
The gang stood back with horror and disgust, they knew sharpteeth killed leafeaters for food, but this thing enjoyed their suffering and thought it was fun, it was beyond evil.
Cera: You’re mad… you’re… a… monster!
Cruncher: Why thank you Cera HAHAHAHAHAHA
Cera: ARGH how do you know my name!
Cruncher: That’s for me to know and for you to never find out HAHA
At this point the group were terrified of what could happen. Cera who was getting annoyed and stood her ground until the sharptooth backed down. However this was not working Cruncher kept drawing in closer towards the kids. Finally Cera took action she lowered her horn and charged at Cruncher.
Littlefoot: CERA NOOO!
It was too late Cruncher stopped Cera right in her tracks, picked her up by the horn and tossed her into the nearest wall. As he approached Cera, Petrie was able was able to distract him by taping on his head long enough for Cera to move out of the way. Littlefoot and Spike then decided to take action as well and charged at Cruncher, but because he was stronger he simply grabbed the two of them by their necks and tossed them away, spike knocked over ducky in the process. Cruncher then turned around and grabbed Petrie and tossed him away knocking him unconscious at the same time. Finally he turned to Chomper and Ruby who were separated from the others. He licked his lips and slowly moved towards them, Ruby was too terrified to do something but Chomper went sharptooth on him and sprang at cruncher trying to bite him, but Chomper suddenly could not move because Cruncher had simply grabbed his jaw and squeezed it shut. The more Chomper struggled the more tightly he squeezed. Chomper then stupidly swung his tail at Cruncher which barely left a scratch on him but seemed to prompt a menacing glare from Cruncher.
Cruncher: Now that wasn’t very nice now was it HAHA.
Chomper then found himself being tossed up into the air and when came back down Cruncher clobbered him with his tell and sent him flying into the pile of rocks just above where the rest lay in pain. As he landed on top of spike a tear came out of his eye at the shear amount of pain he felt.  Ruby was shocked at this and wanted to go help Chomper but then she turned to see Cruncher was now walking towards her. She tried to make it over to where the others were but she was rammed into the wall behind her. When she tried to get up Cruncher held her down with one foot and grabbed her neck with one of his arms.
Cruncher: I’ve always wanted to try Fast Runner HAHAHAHA.
As he said this he licked his lips and raised his claw ready to strike. Ruby’s eyes filled with tears as she knew her life was about to end. The others could do nothing but watch. Is this the end for Ruby?
Please leave Comments
Character Info (Alba): She lets her strength speak for her, she is a skilful fighter whose anger rivals that of Cera’s or maybe even more than that. She usually hangs around with Viper or Strag because they are more sensible than the others. She is so strong that she can pick up and crush a boulder with her tail.