The Gang of Five
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Finally Free

LeventeII

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Short description:
"Freedom. Freedom is a concept to everyone, yet it is difficult to formulate its meaning in one sentence. Everyone has an own idea of freedom, but all these ideas are equally positive. When dinosaurs encounter freedom, it can have small, but also big consequences. Screech and Thud face freedom, but in a form the two hunters never expected."




Finally Free

Screech carefully pushes the leaves to the side giving him a clear view of the glade. It's as expected. A herd of Spikethumbs is grazing there, and they should become their next prey.

"Look at them, how they eat there! There must be at least 30!" says Screech.

"30? There are more than 40!" replies Thud.

"30 or 40, it doesn't matter! The herd is clearly visible in the forest, so our chances are good."

"What about the wind?"

Screech licks his finger and holds it in the air.

"Very good.", Screech smiles, "we've got headwind!"

"How did you convince him to let us do the planning actually?"

Screech observes the Spikethumbs and searches the herd for weak specimens: "When it comes to coordinated attacks, we Fast Biters are the best. Even our Big One knows that. And then against a large herd, in this case Spikethumbs. Almost like in the legend."

"Oh yes, the legend...", Thud remembers what his father once told him.

"How much did father tell you about it?", Screech asks his younger brother.

"Not very much. Actually only the beginning, the part with the principles."

"Then you know the most important things. The wind is on our side, the herd surrounded by trees. Their escape route is obstructed. Anything else?"

"That should be feasible."

"That shouldn't just be feasible, that's absolutely feasible!", says Screech and leaves the bushes behind, "To a good one!"

Thud follows him: "To a good one!"

The midday heat has been radiating for hours, most dinosaurs seek protection from the exhausting rays of the Bright Circle. This herd of Spikethumbs found shelter in this deciduous forest. Usually, herds stop at clearings such as these to eat while they themselves are well positioned. Many eyes can see a lot, in such clearings one can see above all the own herd well. If someone would be attacked, the herd could react. Spikethumbs have a large spike on their thumb, as their name suggests. Very often they are underestimated, but because of these spikes some foolish attackers have already experienced their Blue Wonder. The herd could beat a single Fast Biter, with a little luck even two or three. If the danger is higher, only escaping remains, which could be dangerous for the hunters in case of a collective mass panic.

The 'principles' mentioned by Thud were, according to legend, once set up and practiced by a Fast Biter called Menor. They were created many years ago, at a time when the first Fast Biters walked the world. It was then that the Fast Biters began for the first time to differ from the behavior of their big brothers, who relied more on power than logic. Menor had realized that the Fast Biters had to exploit their own advantages, not those of the big Sharpteeth, because strength is anything but what the Fast Biters represent. They are fast and smart, ideal for organized, mobile attacks. These principles have changed only slightly since then. Each group has adapted them for itself, but the principles are the same.

Besides, the large Sharpteeth rely on their strength. When Screech and Thud teamed up with Red Claw, they worked together well. Power and coordination came together. In most cases, Red Claw takes over the surprise of the target and the nimble Screech and Thud do the interception. This usually works quite well, because only very few fight with a Sharptooth of Red Claw's size. At the latest when the two Fast Biters appear, even the toughest Leafeaters decide to flee; at least the sensible ones do.

*

"Me is bored."

"I am more bored, yep, yep, yep."

"Does anyone want to play attack?", Chomper asks bored.

"I don't feel like it.", Ruby replies, even more bored.

The friends are lying next to each other looking at the cloudless sky. It is a very warm day, but a big tree gives them shadow.
Cera recently left with her father to visit her uncle and his herd. Since then the others have been getting bored.
Littlefoot is also bored. Without Cera, playing is completely different. She has always brought the necessary dynamic into a game. She always takes the games seriously, mostly much too seriously, but this is how she spurs her team on. She gets the motivation to keep going so that nobody gives up, even when her team is losing.
Littlefoot can still remember how he was in a team with Cera last time he played and was 4 points behind. Spike and Littlefoot were about to give up, but Cera had persuaded them to continue. In the end, they played a draw.

And then Littlefoot comes up with an idea.

"Guys! What do you think of a new adventure?"

"An adventure?", questions Ruby.

"Yes! How about we pay Cera a visit?"

Ducky jumps up: "Oh yes! Great idea!

"I'm in," says Ruby.

"Me too", says Chomper. Spike also agrees nodding.

"That's not a good idea at all! Me don't feel good about it!

"Oh, don't worry Petrie", Littlefoot would like to reassure him, "If we hurry a little, we'll be back even before nightfall".

"Well, Littlefoot, Petries' concern is not unwarranted", Ruby explains, "Cera is now with a whole herd of threehorns. And threehorns don't like dinosaurs that aren't three-horns because they aren't three-horns", Ruby pauses shortly before she adds quietly: "Especially you should know that..."

"Don't worry about it. It would only be a short visit. Cera would certainly be happy to see us! Maybe she is bored. After that we'll come home again before it gets dark."

"All right", Ruby answers calmly. Petrie is a bit afraid to go to the Mysterious Beyond without any knowledge of the valley inhabitants. Hopefully nobody will notice their absence.

*

A few hours later the sun is already preparing to set. The clouds are blocking most of its rays, which makes it pleasantly cool.

Since a long time today is the day when father Threehorn will meet his brother again. His brother Ridus lives as a leader in a wandering herd full of Threehorns. Shortly before the beginning of the cold season, his herd crosses the Great Desert to reach warmer areas in time where they can overcome the Cold Time. On their journey they avoid the Great Valley. Ridus, like his brother Topps, is convinced that Threehorns must never live together with other dinosaur species, especially not with Longnecks.

Father Threehorn knows that today the herd will walk quite close to the Great Valley. The opportunity for a long-awaited meeting.
Cera and her father are walking through the mountains surrounding the Great Valley to the edge of the desert. There the desert borders on a grassland that serves the herd as a stage for a few days.

The march towards it is silent. Neither Cera nor Topps make a sound. Nothing can be heard and nothing special can be seen. Soon they leave this small mountain range, whose mountains protect them from most of the east wind.

"I still don't understand why we have to leave", Cera complains to her father. She doesn't want this meeting, and she shows it quite willingly.

"You've never seen your uncle, I haven't seen him for a long time. It will do us good to have a herd of only Threehorns. Above all, it will do you good. We maintain contacts, listen to their stories. It will be a great experience. Besides, you need a break from this Longneck!"

"Surely..." Cera answers ironically and turns her eyes.

The two gradually reach the end of the mountain. It goes almost only downhill. They can also see the lake where they should find the herd, but it is not in sight yet.

"Looks like nobody is there. Can we leave now?"

"Just wait when we get there. It can only be normal that they are not punctual. Who knows which areas they have passed through. We may have to wait a few days for them to arrive."

"A few days?!"

"That's a small price to pay, considering what we get out of it."

Cera sighs annoyed. These will probably be the most boring days of her life. Alone under three horns, they are all so stubborn and arrogant. They constantly have to either prove themselves or show off.  But nobody will play with her for sure, because they all have an imaginary pride which they all want to preserve. From whomever.

They approach the foot of the last mountain, as Topps stops and takes a closer look. He can see a lake. This must be the place where the herd will stop. Otherwise there is nothing else to see.
The sky is blue. But there are some clouds on the horizon. No matter what clouds they are, they will not arrive here before nightfall.

"You, Dad? How do you know where to meet them?"

"The last time I met my brother, he told me about their ways. They always walk the same route. He also told me at which times he was in which places so that we can meet again."

Cera and Topps reach grassy ground. With that they now have the mountains behind them. In front of them is some grassland with a lake. Left of them is the edge to the desert. A small creek flows into the lake, probably the water comes from the nearby river. Some bushes grow around the lake.
Behind the bushes Cera sees movement. She walks past the bush and noticed moving dinosaurs, clearly Threehorns.

"There they are!", calls Topps and goes towards the herd, which has come very close meanwhile.

The herd leader has noticed the two Threehorns, but has not yet recognized them. With an irritated look he approaches Topps, until he recognizes him as his brother.

"Holy Spiketail! That's you, brother!"

"Ridus!", calls Topps and greets his brother.

Ridus returns the greeting: "Topps! Good to see you! It must have been ages..."

Cera and the herd watch the two brothers, Cera standing behind her father and the herd standing behind Ridus. Without a doubt, all spectators recognize that this is true brotherly love, as it should be. The longest distances and the longest times apart didn't harm this happy relationship.
Cera takes a look at the herd. Threehorns, mostly adults. Some are clearly younger, but everyone seems to have reached adulthood. She can't see Threehorns at her age. Only large dinosaurs in different shades of grey.
This becomes more boring than expected.

Ridus turns around and observes his herd. It is still standing exactly as it was when it arrived, in a long, well organized row, always 4 Threehorns next to each other.

"Threehorns! This is my brother Topps! He and his daughter took the risk of a journey to meet us here. They are our guests, so welcome them! They will stay with us until we leave this place and move on. "Be particularly sincere to them!", the herd continues standing still and does not move until Ridus says, "Let us eat now.", because then the orderly row breaks down into a scattered mess. Threehorns begin to eat from the bushes. Some even don't shy away from eating the grass. There is plenty of room, everyone can have some. On the single trees, everyone leaves the treestars hanging, which surprises Cera. Some Threehorns drink at the lake, whose water is clear. Some small finned swimmers are inside. The desert heat is also clearly noticeable here, but the cool wind makes the whole thing more bearable. The clouds have come closer and it seems more and more as if they are thunderclouds.

Topps and Ridus lie themselves under a tree and talk. Cera watches them for a moment, but she can't find any better activity than to lie under one of the trees next to the lake. For a short time she looks at her father, but then she turns her attention to a finned swimmer in the lake.

The brothers are having a great talk. "You are so lucky to be under Threehorns. In the Great Valley everyone is so annoying.", says Topps.

"That's right, you deal with all sorts of dinosaurs every day. Do you get along with them?", asks Ridus curiously.

"Well, it's usually okay if there aren't any problems. Because then everyone comes together and wants to discuss the situation. There, one can hear some things that would actually be funny if they weren't meant seriously. You notice how almost nobody has any experiences. But they don't want to listen to me, though I am the strongest."

Ridus begins to smile: "You have got Longnecks too, don't you?

"Yes! And they are so annoying!

Ridus laughs: "I guess one could say that. We rarely deal with Longnecks, so we are spared many difficulties."

Together they both start to laugh until Topps says: "Listen, Ridus, I'm a little worried about Cera. Are there any Treehorn-children here with whom she could play?

Ridus makes a thoughtful face: "hm... Well, we have exactly one child, his name is Prosus. A very bright Threehorn! His parents unfortunately left us early, so two Threehorns of our herd took over the parental tasks. I am often with him and I help him to prepare himself for adult life", Ridus turns his head and shouts: "Prosus! Come here!", then he turns back to Topps, "Prosus is a very clever Threehorn! He is going to become a perfect herd leader. I am firmly convinced that he will do an excellent job once he has become my successor. I would love to see the ceremony when he finally becomes my successor. But you know the traditions, there may only be a new herd leader after my death."

"Perhaps you can make an exception?"

"The way it looks, it could happen soon."

Topps draws a confused face: "Soon? Why soon?"

Ridus changes his lying position. His head is now closer to Topps: "The situation is as follows, I am no longer the youngest. But that's not the real problem. Topps, I feel that I am getting weaker. There are moments when it is very difficult for me to make decisions. Something is wrong with me; I don't think I can lead this herd much longer anymore."

Topps doesn't answer anything.

"That's why I want to teach Prosus all my experience and wisdom as soon as possible so that he becomes a leader at least as good as me."

For a moment they exchange silent glances until Prosus appears behind Ridus and the silence breaks.
Walking straight ahead, a dark blue Threehorn appears. Disciplined and straight he stands next to Ridus and says: "Yes, Father?"

Father Threehorn looks at the boy with amazement. This boy shows great strength. His blue color looks clean and robust. He looks at him very closely, he must be about Cera's age, perhaps a little younger. Topps immediately notices that Prosus already has two horns above his eyes. Male Threehorns form them a little earlier than female ones.
Completely straight he stands in front of Topps. No muscle moves. That's the way it should be, that's the perfect Threehorn!

"Prosus! That's my brother Topps! He visits us for the next couple of days!

"It is an honor to me, Mr. Treehorn!", greets Prosus.

Topps is completely thrilled by Prosus' appearance, which Ridus also recognizes and adds: "Prosus once faced a young Fast Biter and he won!"

Topps is absolutely amazed: "This is a real Threehorn! Perfect for Cera, she'll be happy!"

"Happy about what?" Cera asks, approaching.

"Cera! You're just in time", explains her father, "This is Prosus, a Threehorn at your age."

Cera and Prosus look at each other. "Hello, I am Cera.", Cera greets with a neutral gaze.

Prosus suddenly feels insecure. "H-Hello. I am Pr-rosus."

Ridus makes a surprised face. Prosus also wonders about his own behavior. He examines Cera. A Threehorn girl at his age then... He wasn't prepared for that. Slight nausea overcomes him, his legs begin to tremble uncontrollably, but only Ridus notices this. What is wrong with him? Prosus can no longer think clearly. He no longer knows what to do. Stomach ache overcomes him.

His face becomes pale, he becomes nervous. In the attempt to save his pride, he decides to continue with the conversation: "It's an honor to me."

Why does he stutter? He tries to get control of the situation and tries to make the right decision.

Topps now also recognizes a certain nervousness in Prosus and would like to help: "I think we should leave you both alone."

"Good idea", agrees Ridus, "It's better if you're not being watched."

The two adults Threehorns stand up and walk together to the other side of the lake, where they start talking to a group of Threehorns.

However, the absence of the two adults increases Prosus' insecurity. Feelings overwhelm him, he no longer understands the messages of his body. In order to prevent further pain, he avoids any direct eye contact with Cera.

"You're not very talkative, are you? How about a few rounds playing catch?"

Prosus' mind is overloaded to keep all the feelings in check. Besides, however, a feeling of happiness rises as he receives this offer. He looks Cera in the eyes when he answers: "C-Catch? Is that like catching Sharpteeth?"
Prosus has finished his sentence, but he can no longer turn his eyes away from Cera. His eyes are trapped in eye contact. He feels as if her green eyes are enchanting him.

"Yes, exactly. One runs away, the other one tries to catch him. Don't you know that?", Cera makes a wondering expression. What kind of a dinosaur is he? He behaves very strange.

Prosus continues to look at Cera's eyes. He overhears what she says and answers nothing. A feeling of happiness builds up inside of him, but from the outside he looks dull and rough, totally different from the beginning.

"Everything all right?", Cera wonders about Prosus' conspicuous behavior, "Don't faint!", she mocks.

Prosus hears her statement, and he immediately stands up straight again and looks straight ahead; at least that's what he is trying to do. His thoughts go crazy, so he tries to take a good posture again.
An order.
He has received an order. Do not faint! Yes!

Since Prosus doesn't answer, Cera lies down with an annoyed sigh and says: "Well, buddy, I had to leave my friends, I've had an exhausting walk and now I'm bored. The Bright Circle is already going down. If you don't feel like playing catch, try to sleep, got it?"

"Yes!"

Cera's gaze becomes even more puzzled: "What 'yes'?"

"I got it."

Cera frowns. It's probably better if she doesn't play with this dude. Who knows what kind of person he is. Very shortly she had the hope that she could pass the time with him, because otherwise there are only adults, but apparently she can forget this thought. She gets up, walks to the lake and lies down. The sky is already beginning to turn orange. Soon the darkness will come.

Prosus remains frozen for a while. He must first process what has happened. Particularly what has happened in himself. He had never dealt with such a problem before, so he is completely planless about what he now has to do.
He hesitates for a while, but as it gets darker and darker, he secretly lies down next to Cera and notices that she has already fallen asleep.


Topps and Ridus are lying on the other side of the lake again and they still talk. About half of the herd has gone to sleep, a part is still awake. The night guards have taken their positions.
Ridus notices how Prosus and Cera are side by side and begins to smile.

"I think Prosus will have a good influence on your Cera.", he says then.

"Definitely! There is a lot that needs to be improved!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well", Topps hesitates before he continues: "Ridus, concerning Longnecks, I have to tell you something."

"Go ahead", says Ridus friendly.

"Well, you know, I'm a little embarrassed about it. I have a little the feeling that that's why I failed as a father."

"Those are bold words. Everything is fine with Cera. She may not always live under Threehorns, but she seems to be all right."

"I know she is all right. Everything is good, except her friends..."

"What about her friends? Do they have bad influence on her?"

"Her friend is a Longneck"

Ridus widens his eyes and says nothing for one breath. Now he understands his brother's worries.

"Well, that's really a bad influence. Do they often play with each other?

Father Threehorn nods.

"Hm... I understand. But don't worry. With Prosus, we will turn her back to the right direction. For sure.", Ridus pushes lightly into Topps' side and smiles. Topps returns the smile.

"Let's hope you're right."

"Totally sure."

Now the two brothers prepare for sleep with a good mind. Ridus observes the herd once more and looks whether the guards are already in position before he falls asleep.

*

The Bright Circle is only a little above the horizon. Screech and Thud hurry through the forest to get quickly to their position. As agreed, they will intercept the herd in the forest which Red Claw has panicked in order to make as much prey as possible.

"This will be a simple thing. Pure routine, don't you think?", Thud asks meanwhile.

"Routine, yes. But out of all the Leafeaters, I respect Spikethumbs the most."

"What? Really? These harmless things?"

"Yes, exactly those. In the legend there are also Spikethumbs. They are underestimated far too often. The hunters' arrogance is their true weapon, not their spikes, according to legend Menor once said."

"There's a point there.", Thud agrees, "But I'm more afraid of Threehorns."

"Fear is not the same as respect, that is also a principle."

"Let's leave the principles for today behind. Let's concentrate on the essentials."

Suddenly both Fast Biters stop and watch the clearing. They climb into a suitable bush carefully, which is so dense that they can just see the clearing and a few Spikethumbs. This was quicker than expected, so far everything is running smoothly. Now it is time to wait until Red Claw appears and disrupts the current idyll.

It takes its time. Screech and Thud watch the Spikethumbs. Everything that they do seems just to be eating. At least 40 eating Spikethumbs.
The earth begins to tremble slightly. At short intervals it shakes again and again.

"Looks like it's going to start!", Screech comments on the happening.

"It could also be an earthshake.", Thud replies.

A roar sounds. Definitely Red Claw. The two Fast Biters are preparing to initiate the intercept mission.

"Apparently no earthshaking after all.", notes Screech, " Each of us one?"

"Yes."

Screech and Thud are watching the now fleeing Spikethumbs. Both choose a target. The Spikethumbs are getting closer and closer, the trampling footsteps and the loud shouts cause a deafening noise.
Screech and Thud have chosen a position that is very close to the Spikethumbs, but not on their escape route, so they won't be overrun.

An endlessly long wave of Spikethumbs run past next to them. Screech picks a target and gets ready to jump. His chosen Spikethumbs approaches at a fast pace, but Screech is ready to master the incoming fight. Shortly before the Spikethumb runs past him, Screech jumps off and lands exactly on the Spikethumb. It screams.

Thud watches Screech to see if he can cope with the situation. Looks good. Thus he chooses his own target, which happens quickly. He focuses on a single specimen. He doesn't let his view get distracted by the other, confusedly fleeing Spikethumbs. As his target approaches, Thud jumps. And lands right on it.

The Spikethumb screams and punches. It throws itself to the ground, stands up again and drops to the ground again. It rolls and jumps around, but Thud sits firmly on it, inflicting serious wounds which weaken his victim.

Red Claw continues to follow the herd. He watches out for the escaping Spikethumb and tries to let them run as long as possible, thus forcing the weak ones to give up. He has to hurry because he doesn't have much energy left either. He gives his best to run through the forest as fast as possible. The big trees hinder him, but also the herd. When a single Spikethumb appears in front of him, he focuses on him. Now he specifically chases this one Spikethumb. He is seemingly inexperienced, he does not dodge, does not run into the crowd. Red Claw is surprised, but he doesn't accuse himself. At least it's easier this way for him.

When Red Claw notices that his victim loses strength, he again gives all of his best. He positions himself close behind his target. His head and tail are now at the same height, so he can accelerate even more. He can feel the pure panic the victim sends out, but that doesn't stop him from finishing the job.

He bites.
And hits.

He got him well, the Spikethumb doesn't move anymore.
Red Claw lifts his head and listens.

He got him well, the Spikethumb doesn't move anymore.
Red Claw lifts his head and listens. The rest of the herd is gone. He can still hear the trampling quietly, but it seems far away. The hunt is over, and Red Claw can devote himself to the most beautiful part: his appetite.

Screech and Thud also made it. Thud made it without any injuries, but Screech got some bruises because of the toughness of the Spikethumb, but nothing serious. Together they begin with Screech's prey.

"The guy gave you a good one, didn't he?", Thud asks, pointing to Screech's bruises as he fills his mouth.

"Yes, but...", Screech chews, "He just didn't give up. He had a really great will, but it wasn't enough. Where is Red Claw?"

"He will surely be here soon. This time I leave him my prey, the last time we left him your prey."

"...Yes, sadly. Our efforts for his stomach."

"Oh what! You know very well that he needs it more than we do! We wouldn't be able to fight even Fast Runners without him!", Thud replies chewing.

" True, you're right."

"And our schedule fits exactly. The Bright Circle has only recently gone down!"

"Honestly.", comments Screech, "I think this is the best dinner I've had for a long time!"

It doesn't take long until Red Claw appears. He has eaten his prey very quickly, hence he begins with Thud's prey. The meal proceeds without any single conversation. Only the loud munching and tearing of the meat can be heared.

They are busy for a long time only with the eating which lasts into the night. Then they leave the forest and reach a plain where they want to sleep.
The plain is large. It forms the border between a nearby mountain range and the forest. One can still see a few spots of snow. A few days and also the last traces of the long and exhausting Cold Time will disappear.

Red Claw is the first who lies down. He briefly examines his place and closes his eyes. "Good night, boys. You did a good job today.", he says before falling asleep.

"Thank you.", whispers Thud with a slightly critical gaze that Red Claw fortunately doesn't notice.
Thud nudges Screech and asks him to move away a little from Red Claw. Most of the time they sleep a bit away from Red Claw in order to be able to cover a larger area. This allows them to perceive more things overnight.

Next to a rock they make themselves comfortable and lie down. The two brothers observe the night sky for a while. Only a few stars are visible, most of them hidden by dark clouds.

"There will certainly be rain this night, don't you think?", asks Screech.

"Yes, yes, definitely". replies Thud.

He is thinking. Thud often thinks about various things. Where the clouds come from, how the Leafeaters behave within the herd or simply about why he is hungry all the time. He has always been the more emotional one of them. Screech lives much more in reality. He has no hopes, he lives the moment.

Screech almost closes his eyes when Thud starts a conversation: "Screech, don't you sometimes wonder what it would be like to be free?"

Screech sits up, wonders and turns to Thud: "Freedom? Thud, it's in the middle of the night, just before a storm and you ask me something about freedom? Is everything okay with you?"

Thud laughs: "I'm fine. I had a great dinner. But I mean the question seriously. We've been living together with Red Claw for a long time now. We live together in a way no other Fast Biter we know does."

"We are something special.", Screech says listlessly and lies down again.

"The others live very differently.", Thud watches the stars again, "They can do whatever they want to do. They have no duties or tasks..."

"Thud, the others also have tasks. Especially the Fast Biters who live in the desert do have huge communities, there the groups fight more for their reputation than for their hunger. Besides, we are doing well with Red Claw."

"I know, but I'm curious."

"Curious about something new?", Screech doesn't understand Thud yet.

"Do you see the sky, the stars?", Thud points upwards, "Ever since there have been dinosaurs, they have existed. They are the witnesses of this world, they have seen everything. They saw the first swimmers coming ashore out of the Big Water, how the first flyers rose, how we Fast Biters were born..."

"...And how we found our destiny...", adds Screech, whereupon Thud begins to smile, " They have see the greatest Sharpteeth of all time...", Screech can keep with Thud.

"They've seen everything. And yet we know nothing about them. I like to watch them every night. They know what it is like to be free."

Screech doesn't answer at first. He doesn't like that his brother is busy with such things. A Fast Biter has to be nimble and smart. Being a Sharptooth, he doesn't have to understand the world, he has to be able to rule it! The stars may be older than all other dinosaurs, but that doesn't change their lives. Life goes on, with or without stars. Hopefully this phase will pass...

"Screech, I long for something new. I want to experience adventures, discover the world and one day meet a beautiful Fast Biter girl."

Screech sits up again. It seems that this phase will take longer. Screech looks annoyed at Thud: "Thud, come on! A girl? That can't be what you want!"

"That's exactly what I want."

"Why do you want a girl? They just nag around and-"

"And they love you."

Screech gives his brother an angry look.

"Isn't this the most important thing? Love? That you have got a family?"

Screech lies down again and turns his back on Thud. He gives up talking further to him. Thud hasn't understood the seriousness of the world yet. Once he will, the hard way.

Thud also gives up. Screech is a much too straightforward dinosaur. If only he knew what possibilities and what fantastic things the world around them has to offer. He misses all this because he ignores them and considers them irrelevant.

It has become a late night in the meantime. The majority of the herd sleeps, except for the night guards. And also Cera, because she has no intention of falling asleep. How can one stay here? The Threehorns are completely stubborn and don't talk to her. That's about hospitality!
Cera has completely different things in mind. She wants to get away from here, immediately, back to the Great Valley.

She has waited long enough, probably her father already fell asleep. She gets up and walks towards the mountains from where she came at noon. She has to cross these mountains, but she and her father had used a pass, so it shouldn't be too difficult. She should not get lost either actually.

While she is running she regularly checks the night guards. They seem very careless, because nobody seems to notice them. Only one of them makes eye contact for a moment. They act as if it were perfectly normal for a Threehorn girl to leave the herd in the middle of the night.
The Night Circle produces a lot of light today. It is perfectly round, seemingly completely healthy. In front of it, however, there are some clouds that sometimes cover the Night Circle. The wind blows fast and whistles very loudly. A very scary ambience.

In front of Cera stretches the foot of the first mountain that marks the entrance to the mountains. She stops for a moment and thinks again whether she should really do it. She looks back, but everyone is asleep.

She decides to go on. The sooner she is back in the Great Valley, the better. She gets going again and tries to think of happy things to suppress her fear. With moderate success.

One last time she turns around to the herd. She quietly hears the snoring of the sleeping Threehorns. They disappear completely in the darkness with their grey colors. Only the snoring that the wind blows over bears witness to their existence. Cera takes up her courage, turns around, and steps back frightened.

There is someone.

"Hello.", says Prosus.

Cera breathes shocked in fast breaths. She waits until her heart calms down. Then she says whispering, but annoyed: "What are you doing here?"

Prosus answers neutral and completely emotionless: "I have noticed that you want to leave".

"What?"

"Well, at first I thought the urge of nature was calling you. But as you approached the mountains more and more, I knew you were up to something. And that's why I followed you."

Cera gets angry and growls: "What do you think you are doing?!"

"Well, I would say, I'm going to report you."

" Excuse me?"

Prosus remains neutral: "Well, I will report that a member of our herd has disappeared into these mountains. By morning at the latest, everyone would be looking for you. All of them. You would have no chance."

"You... You will regret it so much!", she threatens him angrily.

"Unless...", Prosus breaks his dull voice and now speaks as usual again, "Unless I can join you."

Cera boils with rage: "You?! Coming with me?! Never!"

"You could get into trouble when you are alone. I could help you a lot.", says Prosus smiling. He likes her even more when she is angry...

"I don't need help!", says Cera and turns his back on Prosus.

"Not even against Sharpteeth?", he says quietly.

"Sharpteeth?"

"Oh, yes! Especially the big ones are active at night! If the herd doesn't find you, then the sharpteeth will do!"

Slowly Cera turns back and gives it up: " Fine, you have won".

"I can come with you?"

"Yes."

Prosus jumps into the air full of happiness: "Yes! Thank you!"

"But don't get on my nerves, all right?"

"Promised! But... Where are we actually going?"

"To the Great Valley.", Cera continues in the direction of the mountains. Prosus follows her.

"The Great Valley? But there are almost no Threehorns!"

"Yes, and that's a good thing that way!"

The two Threehorns enter the mountains and thus lose all visual contact with the Threehorn herd, which continues to sleep unsuspectingly.

*

The wind gets more and more strong, the air gets colder and colder. Thud wakes up freezing. He freezes all over his body. He looks around and notices that Screech is gone.
Thud gets up and looks for a warmer place. Thereby he also discovers Screech, who lies a bit closer to Red Claw behind a bush. Apparently he felt cold, too.
Thud just wants to lie down next to his brother and sleep on when he hears voices the wind is blowing at him. At first he thinks the tiredness is playing pranks on him, but then he listens second time more closely: These are children! At this time of night?

"Screech!", Thud tries to wake him up and shakes him, "Screech! Over there is someone!"

Tired and frustrated, Screech wakes up: "...What's going on?"

"Voices are coming out of the mountains!"

"Good night...", says Screech and tries to sleep on, but Thud shakes him even stronger, on which Screech sits up. Annoyed, he asks: "What's going on? Are your stars speaking to you?"

"No, Screech! Children's voices come from the mountains!"

The next breeze also lets Screech hear the voices, who stands up and listens more closely. In fact, these are voices! The brothers look at each other and nod. They want to get to the bottom of the matter and start to walk towards the mountains. They don't want to disturb Red Claw and so they let him continue sleeping.

"That's a Sharptooth!", says Screech.

"But he speaks differently...", remarks Thud, "He speaks Leafeater language."

"Do you think?"

"Yes, one can see that. Have you ever tried to speak this language? Sharpteeth have difficulty with it, which is why you can tell from their pronunciation that they are not Leafeaters."

Screech listens more closely again and now also recognizes the language. They approach the voice and Thud already has an idea who it might be: It is this little Sharptooth with his friends. But why at this late time?

"That's that little blue Sharptooth!", Screech remarks as well, "This is... Strange."

"Of course it is! Let's take a closer look!"

The Fast Biters quickly rush into the nearby mountains. They pass through a crevice that leads them to a path. This path leads to the left deeper into the mountains and to the right into the desert. The now clearly understandable voices come from the right. It seems that the children are walking into the desert, and with joy! Their folly must be punished!

"We'll get them, are you in?", asks Screech.

"Sure! Now we'll get them!", Thud replies.

And so the two Fast Biters walk along the path and follow the voices to which they come closer and closer.

*

"You know what I like about you?", After a long hike, Cera breaks the silence, "You're one of those few who keep their mouths shut during a journey."

Prosus gets nervous inside, but he doesn't let it show up. He doesn't dare to say anything because he doesn't want to get into an embarrassing situation. It makes him happy to be alone with Cera. He is a little surprised that he actually managed to make it this far. However, he is also surprised about that unusual power that made him search for an unknown place with a foreign Threehorn girl without permission. His mind is completely confused. Whatever this power is, it must be mighty.

Prosus does not answer. He doesn't really know what to answer. Was that praise or ironic criticism? It's best if he doesn't say anything because apparently that's what she wants from him.

"Since when do we already walk?", asks Cera. She wants to take a break.

Prosus looks up at the sky: "Well, I can't tell you exactly, the sky is cloudy, no clear view of the Night Circle. By my feeling, we're pretty much halfway through the night."

"Oh dear...", Cera gets down next to a dead bough, "I can't take any more, I need a break."

Prosus watches her wordlessly. He watches her lying down and rolling up. He clearly sees her shivering with cold. He feels sorry for her. It even hurts him to see her like this. Somehow he must be able to help her, he thinks.

He slowly nears Cera and sits down in front of her carefully. Cera then begins to speak: "It was a mistake to walk away."

Prosus sees her sad face and tries to encourage her: "No, it wasn't. You had the wish to do that, you have to respect that."

Cera lowers her view and looks at the ground. Prosus doesn't know what he should do. He wants to help her, but he doesn't know how.

"You know, we are alone here in the unknown. I look around a bit.", he says to escape the situation and to be able to think clearly. He gets up and goes away a little.

"Don't go away.", Cera says fearfully.

Prosus stops. What did she just say?
He turns to her and sees this orange Threehorn lying in the middle of the darkness. A terrifying sight.

"I stay here, I just want to make sure that we are alone.", Prosus approaches a slope and looks down. He can hardly see, the fog blocks most of the view.

Prosus squints his eyes. It seems as if something is moving there. The wind irritates his eyes, so he can't be sure of anything yet. The icy ground, which hasn't thawed yet up here, irritates his view even more.

The movement becomes bigger and clearer. When a second movement appears, Prosus is sure that he is not imagining anything. He lowers himself a little to the ground and continues to observe the movements. Luckily he is blue. His color is made for this condition: Mountains, night, darkness, fog, wind. And as it looks also for rain, because suddenly a drop falls on his nose. Then on his tail. And suddenly his body is hit by raindrops at slow intervals.

He doesn't let himself getting distracted. These figures worry him, because they have become three. The one figure is very suspicious to him. Apparently it is a two-legged one, with a long, thin neck.

A Fast Biter.

Prosus doesn't lose his temper. He prefers to wait, perhaps he is wrong. As long as he cannot be spotted, there will be no trouble. Above all, he has to find out what the other two figures are, because they move on four legs. Four-legged Sharpteeth? In this area?

He should warn Cera. But that would only worry her unnecessarily. It would be better to wait and see what happens.
Prosus continues to look down the slope. He can see the figures now. He looks closely.

"uh... Cera?

"Yes?"

"Take a look at this..."

"No, I don't want to. What is it?"

Prosus tries to understand what he sees: "Down there... Weird..."

"Spit it out!"

"There's a Spiketail and a Longneck walking next to a Fast Biter. But the Fast Biter is not hurting the two."

Cera raises her head and listens with curiosity.

"Besides, there is a... Is that a little Sharptooth? A flyer is flying next to it. Extremely strange group... And on the Spiketail sits a-"

"Bigmouth..." Cera adds in astonishment. She quickly gets up and looks down the slope without taking cover, which initially worries Prosus. "How do I get down? I have to get down there!", Cera runs along the slope and actually finds a way down. Prosus follows her worried.

The path is steep but short. When Cera gets behind the group, she is filled with joy: "Friends?!"

The dinosaurs turn around and the Longneck begins to speak: "Cera? Cera!"

"Where are you coming from?", the Bigmouth asks.

The Spiketail runs towards her and licks her. The little Sharptooth embraces her front legs.
Prosus watches the events suspiciously. The Fast Biter has turned out to be a Fast Runner, but the little Sharptooth is real. Apparently he is not a threat.

All of them greet Cera. Everyone is happy about the meeting, but Prosus just stops and watches everything quietly.

After short conversations Cera turns to Prosus: "This is Prosus, I met him yesterday. Prosus, that's Chomper and Ruby..."

"Hello."

"Hello there."

"...Spike and Ducky..."

"It's nice to meet someone new, isn't it, Spike?"

Spike nods.

"...That up there is Petrie..."

"Me a pleasure!"

"...And that's Littlefoot."

"Hello Prosus!"

Prosus looks at Cera in astonishment and asks: "You... You are befriended with a Flathead?"

Suddenly, Cera gives him a grim look. She slowly walks towards him: "Now listen carefully, buddy.", she pushes him so that Prosus walks backwards to not fall over until the slope is behind him. Cera's face is now right in front of his, "Only I am allowed to call Littlefoot a Flathead! Did you understand me?"

Shocked by Cera's seriousness, Prosus makes round eyes. He nods his head slowly and Cera moves away from him again. With a sigh, Prosus throws himself to the ground and processes what just happened.

"Where is your father?", asks Littlefoot.

"He's with his brother in the herd. You can't stand it there! That' s why I wanted to come back to you. And now this guy sticks to me!

"At least we are together now.", says Ducky.

"Yes, at least."

Prosus gets up and wants to look at the group, as he sees something green coming out behind a rock. And it moves...

Suddenly two Fast Biters jump out, one blue, the other one green. Screaming breaks out and the group flees. Prosus follows them.

"Now we've got them!", Screech shouts.

"Concentration!"

The two are very close to the children, but the children are fast. They follow them very closely.

"Go! Get down there!", Littlefoot shouts. He means a small crevice in the rock into which they could fit.
The group understands him and flees into it. Thud stops, Screech crashes against the wall. The crevice shakes, but the children are safe. Thud tries to get them with his claw, but he can't make it. The children are close together, so that none of the claws can catch anything. Thud quickly realizes the uselessness and says to Screech: "I can't get to them."

"I call Red Claw, he can get the kids out of there. This hole won't be able to withstand his weight. Stay here and guard the exit! We'll get them now!"

"I'll do it!"


Red Claw's footsteps cannot be overheard. He approaches the crevice and begins to kick against it. Stones crumble and the environment trembles. Screech and Thud help him.

"We're trapped!", comments Chomper.

That's right, they're indeed trapped. Littlefoot, who panically searches for a way out, also recognizes this. The only possibility seems to be the path they came in and now is blocked by the Sharpteeth. But the despair leaves no other options.

Littlefoot calls the group to follow him. He waits and watches Red Claw's movements closely. A moment before Red Claw steps against the wall once again, the young dinosaurs rush out. They hold their breath as they scurry through under his feet. Thud notices the cunning and takes up the pursuit.

Littlefoot recognizes a narrow pass through which they fit. "This way!", he shouts and runs through the pass. The others follow him.

Except Prosus. He runs in the opposite direction, where he finds a cave and which seems to be too small for Sharpteeth. "No! We have to go this way", he responds and runs into the cave.
Cera stops and looks after Prosus. He runs the wrong way! She can't leave the poor one alone. She turns around and follows Prosus into the cave. Petrie calls after her and tries to stop her, but Cera can't be stopped.

Then Thud reaches the pass and squeezes his way through it. The group realizes that the only way forward is to go through the pass. They have no choice, they have to leave Cera and Prosus behind, even if it hurts them a lot.

Screech and Red Claw reach the cave that Prosus and Cera entered. They also try to enter and enlarge the entrance, but they can't make it.
Prosus and Cera run deeper into the cave, but look back regularly. They notice that Red Claw is moving away. Has he given it up?

The cave gets larger and larger until they find a big exit at the other end. Without hesitation they approach the exit. The rescue seems almost graspable, as a large foot in front of them stamps into the ground. The two Threehorns stop abruptly and raise their view in shock. It is Red Claw.

They turn back, but they can't run far because Screech is standing at the entrance. Red Claw tries to enter the cave. He fits through, but the cave gets smaller on the other side. Cera and Prosus position themselves in the middle, they are just safe there. Screech can't get in at the front entrance, and Red Claw is too big to reach them.

A stalemate. As soon as Red Claw or Screech moves away, the Threehorns may flee. Red Claw gives an earsplitting roar that makes tremble even the cave.


Thud continues to chase the group persistently. They reach a flat meadow with tall grass. Mountains surround this grassland and the only entrance is this pass. It is also the only exit.

The group runs into the tall grass. It is dense, one can hardly see straight ahead. The front looks the same as the back, right and left.
The group runs one by one through the grass. Thud tries to follow them, but he has long lost track of them. Even the small dinosaurs no longer see each other, they run aimlessly straight ahead.
Until they hit a stony spot where they can see again. No grass grows on this spot, but a strange plant with round, light green fruits that carries dark thorns.

"Everybody all right?", Littlefoot asks panting.

"I never felt better.", gasps Chomper.

"What now?", asks Ruby.

Littlefoot thinks. They have to find a way out. But as long as the Sharptooth is here, they're not safe. He looks into the tall grass. He can't see anything, how could he? No trace of Thud, he has disappeared somewhere in the tall grass and could appear anywhere and anytime. His sense of smell is very good, he will appear here sooner or later. Littlefoot listens. Only the rain can be heard falling on the plants and on the ground. Besides, he and his friends gasp.
He thinks. He looks into the grass, then looks at his friends how they are exhausted, scared and hopeless - just like him.

He then takes a look at the strange plant. Littlefoot notices that he has never seen this plant in his whole life. He walks to the plant and examines it more closely. The fruits are quite large for this small plant. It is as high as his leg, the fruits are about half the size of his head. Some fruits pull the plant to the ground. The spines of the fruit are soft and can't hurt him. When he treads on one of the fruits, a terrible smell appears. Littlefoot comes up with an idea...

Meanwhile, Thud keeps searching.

They are calling for me now that I am so close to the kids? I'm not stopping this chase, the chance of success is too high! They will see when I personally show them this Longneck! Red Claw can wait!

Determined, Thud hurries through the tall grass. He has long since lost the track, but he does not give up. He runs through the grass until a wall appears in front of him and he stops.

Blimey! He has lost the kids! Despite the rain and the smell of the haze, he sniffs. He can smell something. It is very different from the wet smell of the grass. Thud goes back into the grass and follows the smell. He runs faster and faster as he realizes that he is getting closer. When he notices something behind the grass on an open spot, he jumps off with full force and attacks.

But he goes away empty-handed.

He falls on his snout. He gets up slowly and tries not to cry out from pain. His snout hurts him very bad. Thud angrily checks what the source of this smell is and finds out that it is an pile of green fruits. Thrown together in a pile, they lie there emitting this strong smell.
The pain increases Thuds frustration to the extreme. He is gripped by rage and kicks the pile of fruits with full force, which splits into hundreds of pieces. They have set him up! These cursed little ones have set him up! And how do one track down a lost enemy? Is there also a principle for this?

Meanwhile, the kids hurry back to the narrow pass from which they came. Coming out of the grass, they notice that the icy ground has become very slippery due to the rainwater. Running is out of the question here, the kids walk a lot more at a moderate pace and with big steps forward.

As soon as they leave the pass, they can see Screech still blocking the entrance to the cave into which Prosus and Cera have fled. Are they still all right?


Red Claw tries in vain to reach Cera and Prosus. He is simply too big. Screech would also have to go to the other entrance, but he is not allowed to lose sight of the two Threehorns. Today's chances are too good to be screwed up by careless mistakes.

The ground under Cera's feet is shaking. At increasingly shorter intervals, Red Claw pounds against the front surface to force them out. Soon there is a constant tremor that even reaches Screech. The shaking gets stronger and stronger. When Red Claw takes a few steps back and stands still, everyone notices that this shaking is not caused by Red Claw.

It's an earthshake!

Now not only the floor is shaking, but also the ceiling of the cave, which threatens to collapse. Prosus and Cera watch how Red Claw leaves the cave and disappears from the exit. Prosus recognizes the opportunity and runs towards the exit where Red Claw stood before. The earthshake has certainly chased him away!
Cera follows him hurriedly not to stay behind.

When Red Claw wants to reunite and reorganize with the Fast Biters, he discovers the rest of the group: Six little dinosaurs stand frozen in front of him. Even Red Claw himself is surprised to see them. But the wonder doesn't last long: Red Claw goes instantly into the tempting attack and the kids flee. Screech comes from the other side and blocks the pass.

Cera and Prosus run out of the cave. Just as they reach the exit, they suddenly slow down and notice a deep ravine in front of them, which they barely avoid. A large steep slope. They carefully take a step back, the ground is very icy and slippery. They notice Red Claw and their friends further to the right. A big mess.

They have to help them, somehow...


"Finally it's time! All the efforts are finally paying off!"

Screech watches Red Claw. He doesn't attack the children, he wants to let Red Claw go first.

"I've waited so long for this", Red Claw roars powerfully, "Ouch!"

Cera stabbed him in the foot with her horn. The earthshake gets stronger again, and Red Claw slips and falls to the ground. The children save themselves to Cera and Prosus and disappear back into the cave. Screech takes up the pursuit. The earthshaking takes on the strongest proportions. Larger stones and many small pebbles fall from the ceiling. The stones hit those who are in the cave and cause injuries. Red claw waits at the exit.

The small exit, which Screech guarded earlier, is buried. So this cave has become a dead end, and the group is trapped once more.

The earthshake takes on enormous strength. The environment shakes so much that it threatens to collapse. Something must be done, soon!

Red Claw still can't reach them. Screech is small enough and could hurt them, but he stands idly beside Red Claw. The children will come out there anyway, they think.

The situation is tense. The two opponents look at each other with deepest looks. Until a rock falls before Screech, because then Screech makes a jump backwards. He stares at the rock with big eyes and then he decides to run away. The situation has already become much too risky for him.

"Where are you going, you coward?!", Red Claw shouts after him. Then he turns back to the group. He doesn't give up that fast. Finally he has got them in a trap. This earthshake will not stop him from doing what he always wanted to do.

He is slowly approaching the group. He lowers his head to fit deeper into the cave, but it is still not enough to finally reach the group. But it is too late to think about the impossible anymore! He attacks. His head lowered to the ground, he comes even closer to the group, but the passage is too narrow to reach them. With all his strength he pushes, but it does nothing.

Fearfully the group backs away. The cave shakes, it becomes much more difficult to remain standing. Red Claw decides to try again and then attack with all his might to break the walls and finally reach his goals.
He lifts his head up. However, he overlooks the fact that the height is no longer sufficient to stand upright, he has already entered the cave too deeply. With full force his head shoots against the cave ceiling. For a moment he sees nothing but black and loses his orientation.

The group watches the events with tension, and Littlefoot recognizes the opportunity to get out of the situation unharmed. Now or never, so Littlefoot doesn't hesitate another second and runs. He's done this before, it could work again. The others wonder, but when Littlefoot shouts "Follow me!", everyone follows him immediately.

Although Red Claw quickly regains consciousness, he misses the fact that his prey has fled between his legs. When Red Claw comes to his senses and notices that the cave is empty, it's already too late. He turns around to see the group leaving the cave. In him the anger rises, he doesn't give up that easily!

The earthshake has not diminished in strength, but Red Claw has only one thing in mind: to catch these tiny creatures and finally make them atone!
He turns around and rushes towards the exit. Running is almost impossible, the whole world seems to tremble. Stones fall down. Red Claw makes it out in time, because in the next moment the whole cave collapses. The entrance disappears. The whole mountain range shakes. But what still remains is the slippery ice. The group hurries away from Red Claw, but because of the ice they take careful steps, which slows them down even further.
Red Claw pinches his eyes together in the darkness and can recognize his goals. He wants to catch up with them, so he quickly takes a big step forward with all his strength.

Then a bang can be heard that even surpasses the noise of the earthshake. The group gets frightened, but everyone keeps walking along the path they came from. There is no sign of Screech or Thud.


The earthshake continues for a while, but it has already reached its peak. The storm also calms down gradually, with only a few raindrops falling down. Slowly the sky gets cleared of the clouds which had been hiding it for hours.

When the thunder of the sky is only heard sporadically and otherwise only the raindrops falling to the ground can be heard, Screech dares to come out of his hiding place. He and Thud have been hiding in the tall grass. Lying there, they felt safe.

Screech gets up and goes to the pass leading to the previous scene. The air is clear and he is tired of waiting. Thud also gets up, looks at the area and then follows Screech.

Crossing the pass proves to be easy. Screech and Thud are standing where the last confrontation took place. The place hasn't changed much in the meantime. To their right the ravine, to their left the way downhill. Here and there some rocks, a little hazy visibility. Nothing has changed, except...

"The cave is buried.", Screech notices.

"What?"

"The cave where the brats were trapped! But you can't know that, you ran away after all!"

"You also ran away! Don't you remember the fear you had?! And where are Red Claw and the little ones anyway?"

"I don't know! Probably he took off with the prey before the cave collapsed. Surely he decided that we shouldn't get anything."

"Understandable.", Thud comments.

"Well, then we should look for them, don't you think?"

"Absolutely!"

"Come on, then! We go down from here and search the area! Hopefully he hasn't gone far away..."

Screech and Thud walk down the path they came up. They walk until they reach a larger, flat environment. There, the two split up to search for Red Claw.

Screech wonders where to look. But he already suspects what has happened. Red Claw caught the troublemakers and ate them right on the spot. He didn't have to wait, Screech and Thud had finally fled and so he had a reason why they shouldn't get anything. At the same time he wasn't allowed to wait either, because it was dangerous up there during the earthshake, at least that's why Screech fled. Probably Red Claw went further downwards after dinner, where he could stay overnight safely. Without Screech or Thud he can't survive for long, so he needs both of them. Probably he's somewhere nearby, where the two could spot him and then reunite.

"Master!", calls Screech to draw Red Claw's attention. He gets no response, so he shouts louder: "Master!"

Meanwhile, the screaming gets on Thud's nerves. If one looks for a Sharptooth, one of the size of Red Claw, then one probably won't overlook it! Other creatures could become aware of them, and Screech certainly doesn't want that either. All this just because of impatience; unbelievable...

However, Screech starts to worry. Has Red Claw gone even further away? Did he leave them? Normally Red Claw answers after the first call, at the latest after the second call. Maybe he calls too quietly: "Master!"

While they search, the rain clouds pass by. Only a few of them are still in the sky, but the Night Circle still can't send light to the ground. At least the rain stops, Thud thinks, although he can't see much. It's still cold, the damp air left by the storm together with the wet ground make him shiver.
So does Screech, who searches in a particularly rough place and thus has many medium-sized puddles around him. But that's not his real concern, he's much more concerned with finding Red Claw. Did something happen? This long, unsuccessful search makes Screech wonder. It's unusual that Red Claw doesn't answer. Normally he tries to spend as little time as possible apart from each other. That they are safest and strongest together is also clear to Red Claw. That's why he discusses almost everything with his two Fast Biters, so that nothing will go wrong. He trusts them, Screech realizes. Without the brothers, Red Claw wouldn't last long, he's too old for this. But the fights have always been above average. From time to time Red Claw said strange or incomprehensible things, like the thing with the children, which will probably remain his secret forever, but he is a guarantor for a full stomach! Apart from that, it shows his respect and gratitude that he didn't eat the Fast Biters himself. He could eat them in their sleep one night during the cold season. It would certainly be nutritious, Screech thinks, but that shows once again how great his trust and respect is. Screech can't understand Thuds thoughts. Why living with other Fast Biters? They live splendidly with Red Claw!

When Screech gets nothing but silence after another call, he is overwhelmed by a feeling of fear. It's more of a panic, because he's worried that something might have happened to Red Claw. Without him, they would stand in a bad position.

"Red Claw!", Screech shouts.

Thud stops thereupon. What did his brother just shout? 'Red Claw'? That's how he went insane? Hopefully he didn't hear that, because Red Claw despises to be called by a direct name. Everything is fine for him, as long as it is not his name. The two Fast Biters have become accustomed to 'master', but it doesn't really matter how exactly they address him, as long as it's nothing inferior. Red Claw has always set a high value on hierarchy, distancing himself from his two minions and making it clear that he has a much higher position as the group leader than Screech or Thud do.
So how does Screech come up with calling Red Claw by his real name?

"Red Claw!!", Screech still doesn't get an answer. He's already a long way away from Thud, but still no sign of Red Claw. Not even footsteps or anything, although the floor is partly made out of soft material.
He walks straight ahead and explores the surroundings. A large, well rounded rock attracts his attention.

Now even the last cloud before the moon disappears and illuminates the ground, which suits the searching Fast Biters just right. Thud reaches a slope that apparently ends in the forest. Thud would now have a great view if it wasn't night. However, on the right he can see the place where he had spent the night with Screech and Red Claw. He notices that exactly here must be the place where he saw the children first. One has to pass this place if one wants to cross the mountains without a long detour. Thud continues to view into the distance. At the very far back there is a river that reflects the light of the Night Circle. The wind has decreased in strength, only a gentle breeze remains from the once violent storm. During the day the view must be breathtaking, Thud thinks.

Screech stops when he recognizes the object directly in front of him. It is not a rock.

It is Red Claw.

Screech is extremely relieved that he finally found him. "Master! We..."

But then Screech's voice gets lost. His master is not sleeping, his eyes are slightly open. He lies there half on his stomach and half on his side. His right leg is slightly inclined.

"Hello Screech. Nice to see you...", says Red Claw with a deep, rough and very exhausted voice. Screech is shocked. He has never heard his master like this before.

"Wh-what happened?" Screech squeezes out of himself, full of worries about Red Claw.

"Well, I think I may have exaggerated the whole thing a bit...", Red Claw pulls his face as his leg hurts again. But actually his whole body hurts him. That he is still alive at all borders on a wonder. It feels as if he is a single bunch full of pain and nothing else.
Then he moans.

"I cannot move my leg any more.", he then says. He points to his right leg.

Screech knows what that means. A dead leg is a dead Sharptooth. That is not allowed: "We will take care of you, master!"

"Take care of me? How do you want to do that? Each time hunting for more bellies than necessary, only to drag the pieces up into the mountains? And what about the water supplies? No, no... That can't work. A Sharptooth is only a Sharptooth if it can fulfill its destiny. A Sharptooth that doesn't hunt doesn't have the right to be called a hunter.", Red Claw takes a break and takes a deep breath, "Besides, I'm already old anyway. All the efforts would be useless..."

Screech sits next to Red Claw. Close to his head he takes a seat. When he sits, he is as large as Red Claw's head, which he never noticed before.

Then Red Claw continues: "You know, those little ones... I wanted revenge for what they had done to the Sharpteeth back then. What they have done to me, what they have done to him... I just couldn't sit back and let a small group of Leafeaters damage the reputation of such a powerful hunter. And yet my efforts were pointless..."

"We will carry your legacy on to the end!"

"No!", shouts Red Claw, scaring Screech. Although Red Claw often screamed, especially when it came to commanding, Screech didn't assume that Red Claw was still capable of his big voice in this condition. "With me, this whole thing ends. If I can't make it, then nobody should. All this time... Wasted. Make sure you both get along. Just take care of yourselves, because times are starting to change again."

Red Claw continues with a clear warning voice: "Pah! It is naive to believe that the Great Change of Earth is over. Those who believe this are completely wrong. It is not over at all. At best, it rests until a new, radical change will occur. But most people only pay attention to the major, rapid changes.  They don't even notice the little things. Maybe they don't even want to notice them. Take good care of yourselves and be vigilant, not only on the hunt, so that you can learn at least one thing from me..."

"We are more than grateful for the experiences and the time together!"

A smile in Red Claw's face brings happiness to Screech.

"Where is Thud by the way?"

"We have divided up to make the search easier."

Red Claw nods slightly: "I see... You did a good job."


Thud still hasn't found Red Claw. He is sure that he is not far away, but he must be in a more remote place. Maybe Screech had more luck with the search. But Thud made a different discovery, which he has to tell his brother and Red Claw.
But first he has to find him.

The mountains are like empty swept. Apparently everyone avoided this area during the storm. That's reasonable, because Thud almost got himself killed. Even the wind has become quiet. One has to listen closely to notice it.

Thud sits down at a pass. This pass is the only path nearby that leads down into the forest. Sooner or later Screech will have to show up here.
Thud observes the sky, which is mostly starry. The few clouds left from the storm are barely noticeable.

I sit here once again, Thud thinks. When the night was still young, he spoke with Screech about the stars. And now that the night is almost over, he sits here again and watches them. It was a long night, but only the stars know what exactly happened. And only they know where Screech and Red Claw are right now. Did the clouds also obstruct the view of the stars? Both are part of the sky, maybe that's why they don't disturb each other.
So many questions, but no answers. Maybe one day these secrets will reveal themselves.

Thud notices someone. He gets up and recognizes Screech. He goes to him immediately.

"Screech! Good thing you're here! Imagine! The unknown Threehorn has separated from the group! This is the ideal time for-"

Screech raises his hand and demands that Thud become silent. "We give up."

Thud looks surprised: "What?"

"Right. These little ones have caused us too much trouble. It's better to look for other goals."

"Goals? What are you talking about? A little Threehorn! We are going to get him! You have seen how bad he is!"

"We will look for new goals. Both in hunting and in life.", Screech puts his arm on Thud's shoulder, "You know, the best thing to do is to start tomorrow with our new goals."

Thud calms down: "Are we going to? And where's Red Claw?"

Screech pauses briefly, before he says: "This is not important right now... I'll tell you at another time. What actually matters is something else. From now on, my brother, we are free."

Screech and Thud exchange smiling looks and leave the mountains. But besides happiness, Screech is also filled with grief. A tear develops in his eye, which slowly runs down his face, falls to the ground and divides into many little drops.





This is the result of what I was able to achieve during the last weeks of school break. This is my entry for the July Prompt. The prompt, which was assigned to me, is as follows:

"Every writer has at least one area where they excel or where they find they have always done especially well. Whether it is a genre, some kind of plot point or a trick with the writing process itself, it is always a good idea to stop for a while and think just how you created your most beloved stories. Even if you are a beginning author, you might have some idea of your strengths and weaknesses already. Write a short story based in the Land Before Time universe where you utilize your best qualities as an author."

Because of my prompt, I would like to go deeper into the process of creation and what particularly motivates me.  :)

Spoiler: ShowHide
I have had the idea of a story in which Red Claw, Screech and Thud play a central role for quite some time. Also the ending was pretty clear for me.
However, I started without a preset idea. I wanted to know my prompt first, before I started dealing with ideas.

I was honestly surprised by my prompt, but never disappointed. I've been writing Fanfictions for a year now and I've been writing quite regularly for half a year now. But even before that I liked to write. It was also very convenient that I finished a Fanfiction shortly before the prompt, through which I was already "warm-written".

Unlike my previous Fanfictions, I was aware of my limited time and immediately started thinking about a story. The idea with these three Sharpteeth came to me after about 3 days, after I rejected other ideas as unsuitable.
From the point that the rough course and the beginning and end of the story were clear, I approached it as I did with all my Fanfictions. I went biking every day for an hour. I designed the beginning, and from then on I was able to find good new actions by biking, so that I could write at a suitable pace without getting a big break or even a blockade.

Although I think it will be a long way before I can call myself a proper author, I have already found things in which I have a better writing feeling than in others. I have always felt that hunting, or rather fighting, describing events, is something that is in my area. I feel safe in it, so my goal was to incorporate hunting. Done is that with the Spikethumbherd at the beginning.

I also wanted to try something new. I wanted to try myself on the topic of love. So far I have done this once briefly in a story, but otherwise I have never built this theme into my stories. I was a little afraid it might be disturbing, but I am happy that it is not the focus.

I wanted to put the focus, next to the Sharpteeth, on Cera. First, I was looking for a way to let the gang and the Sharpteeth meet each other. The fact that Cera had to visit her uncle with her father against her will came just right and made sense to me.

However, I have worries with my OC, Prosus. I wanted to avoid that one of the characters behaves out of character. Furthermore, I don't like the fact that apart from Cera and a Littlefoot the gang doesn't take on a proper role. Even as supporting roles, Ducky, Petrie, Chomper and Ruby speak very little. I'm not sure if the OC caused too much distraction.

Another topic that actually accompanies me from the beginning of my Fanfictions is the question if others can get an image of what I am writing.
I write every story in such a way that I first have an image in my head, an idea. I try to write this image down. The problem is that when someone reads this text, he may not have an image in front of his eyes, but only a sequence of letters and words that he forgets after a short while. The depiction of the surroundings and what is happening should create an image in the reader's mind. Exactly as novels do.

Finally to the title. I only added the title at the very end after everything had been written. Normally, my Fanfictions always have a message, for example a critique that I use as a framework. Or it is a story or a legend. Depending on the reason why I'm writing a story, I choose the title.
In this case, neither of them applies. I looked for the title in a different way. I discovered that the theme of "freedom" played a role for me and that I often incorporated it. That's how it was planned, so it was possible for me to find the current title. I like it especially because it is ambiguous. What does 'free' mean? Free in the sense of: Cera can free herself from her father? Or the gang can finally free itself from Red Claw? Does freedom mean freedom for Screech and Thud at the end of the story? Or should it describe Red Claw's condition that he is finally "free"? The title offers a lot of space in this question, that's why I like it.


Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun writing this Fanfiction. I finished it a few days before school started and I just had to read it again to see if everything fits. I am actually satisfied with the result and I think that this has become one of my good Fanfiction which meets my expectations.  :)


Anagnos

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There were quite a few problems in this story all in all and many problems that could have been avoided, but since this is your first LBT fanfiction, I can’t expect you to write a story that sells greatness. Telling the truth, there’s always room for improvement, as I like to say, and right here, there’s a lot that needs attention from a reader to fix these mistakes so that they won’t be repeated by chance in your potential future stories.

I was a bit conflicted with the way you built this story around the fastbiters and the gang, but that wasn’t without obvious issues rising up eventually. First of all, some of the paragraphs were, quite literally, a mess that didn’t make sense at all and while in some parts they worked relatively fine, sadly it was mostly the entire fic that caused such emotions in a reader that the story didn’t really offer anything in the end and was simply made with no foundation at all. I paid close attention to how the fastbiters scoured for any potential prey, and I must bring forth the fact that a fastbiter likely wouldn’t figure the wind’s direction by licking a finger, as that seemed something a human would mostly do in that situation.

It’s really hard for me to find anything good about this story, as the bad things showed extremely well, and returning to my point about the paragraphs, it would be a good idea to separate them so that the reader doesn’t confuse them together. Moreso, about the scene breaks… they are a must in this sort of a thing, as that conveys to the reader when a specific scene is over and that was missing from this fic entirely.

Some of the characterizations felt a bit forced to the reader, as I don’t see Red Claw submitting to death quite that easily, I’m afraid. I would also heavily suggest checking the story for any potential grammatical errors, as there were quite a few of them here and the more there are, the more they tend to ruin the story for the reader, which is never a good thing at all. I was also left a bit unsatisfied by the ending as it wasn’t explicitly revealed what really happened to the Gang overall.

Despite my comments about your first story, I really believe that with enough commitment and dedication to your work next time should fix these issues in no time. I don’t like to trash new writers needlessly, but when one is in need of guidance from the more experienced writers, I like to offer everything I can to help you improve as a writer. You can certainly create fantastic stories if you put your mind and heart into it. I believe in you and you should too!
« Last Edit: September 13, 2019, 03:52:13 PM by Anagnos »




rhombus

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It is always nice to see a new author for the fandom! :)  Though one's first story will always have some issues to resolve, I do wish you the best in your future writing projects.  I have done my best in this review to highlight both the strengths and the weaknesses of the story as it is written and to offer some recommendations.

Strengths:

The plot idea itself: The general idea behind the plot, with its focus on the fastbiters and the gang in equal measure is certainly one that could be made to work with the general ideas of freedom from subjugation (in the story of the fastbiters) and freedom from loneliness (in the case of Prosus).  The primary issues arise from how these general ideas are implemented in the story itself, which I will lay out below.

Weaknesses and suggestions:

The use of paragraph breaks and scene breaks:  At many instances in this story I found myself lost in terms of which characters are being focused on at a particular moment.  This issue would have been greatly alleviated if scene breaks were used effectively (use either a series of hyphens for the forum post or the horizontal line option on fanfiction(dot)net, as the site erases repeated hyphens) in order to clearly show where one scene ends and another one begins.

Related to this is the issue of paragraph breaks.  It is important to not have a narrative that is merely a bunch of single line entries as that can be disruptive to the overall pacing of the story and difficult to focus on.  A good mixture of paragraphs and the occasional single line entry as a break in the introspection or exposition, on the other hand, can make things flow better.

On the tense to be used in writing (past tense and passive voice):  It is important to use the passive voice and past tense in writing fiction.  For example, do not say something like "Thud bites down on the tail" instead say: "Thud bit down on the tail."  This past-tense, passive voice gives the impression of a story being told to the reader.  The only parts of a narrative that should be in the present tense should be the dialogue itself.

Dialogue and characterization:  It is also important to capture the unique vocal patterns and cadences of the respective characters.  Little things like the fact that Ducky says "yep, yep, yep" when affirming something emphatically, or that she sometimes overdoes the suffix -ed (as in "It hurt-ed") are critical in making the characters seem alive in the story.  On the same theme, it is important to use words that are at the same intellectual level as the characters themselves.  For example, it was odd hearing Thud use the term "feasible" in the context of this story.

Beyond the dialogue it is also important to make sure that the actions of the characters in the story matches up with their actual motivations in the canon.  It is sometimes useful, when planning a story, to write down the motivations and mannerisms of each character so that when you are planning the story you can make sure that the characters stay in-character.  Generally characters should only go out-of-character when there is a good justification for it, such as a major life event.  Even then it is a very delicate thing to make sure that such out-of-character moments do not seem out of place.

A good way to practice these skills is to roleplay.  Through pretending to be these characters in conjunction with others you can gain a good feel for how these characters talk and intermingle, all without the burden of an overall narrative.  From there it can be easier to take these skills and to apply them in composing a story.

Outlining:  This leads me to my last point: it is a good idea to do significant outlining before writing a story like this.  Actually planning out each scene to make sure that each scene logically leads to the next and that things flow well is something that can work wonders for the end result.

Conclusion:

One's first fanfiction is always an intimidating prospect.  Not only does one need to create a compelling narrative for a fanfiction, but one is also beholden to effectively characterize the existing characters in the canon and to do justice to the setting of the source material.  With that in mind, please do not be discouraged by what I have pointed out in this review.  It is only through constructive criticism that we can improve as writers and to find our own unique creative voice. Thank you for sharing this story with us.  :)


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.


Sovereign

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I’ll start by saying that I’m happy you gave this prompt a shot, LeventeII. It’s great to see more writers on GoF and your entry wasn’t an exception. It’s also nice that you started with a longer story and tried to tie many storylines together as it was quite an ambitious effort. The start worked to some degree but… I’ll get to it later.

You managed to create a traditional start to an LBT story while having Cera being forced on a trip she never wanted. At that point, I was completely on board at which way we’re going even if the threehorns’ scenes weren’t the most engaging I’ve seen. Still, that part was good in a way as it showed Mr. Threehorn trying to influence his daughter with a subtler, less hostile way even if the OCs didn’t quite live up to their premise.

However, Red Claw and his followers were the thing that really made me frown. While it could have been a good idea to show the fastbiters’ bond being deeper than we know, this is where you dropped the ball. Screech and Thud’s conversation was far too friendly and it didn’t feel like them at all. Red Claw’s lines were even worse like his “Good night, boys”. The ending was rather difficult to read and this is where I’ll get to my main point.

I cannot deny the others’ points about the plot itself as well as the rather weak spelling but right now, the characterizations bugged me most. In your next story, try to think whether Screech would actually beg Red Claw to be able to take care of him. While there were various issues in this story, this was the most pressing and one that has to be fixed. The spelling and the intensity of the plot can be improved later but these kinds of characterizations make a story unreadable.

That being said, I hope you won’t be too upset by these reviews. You’ve proven to be very gifted in drawing, for example, so don’t take my words as a personal insult. When it comes to writing, you have a lot to learn but if you put your mind to it, I’m sure you can overcome most of the issues in this fic.




OwlsCantRead

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I'll just echo what the others have said. I am glad to see you attempt a piece of your own, for starters. The theme of seeking freedom is indeed prevalent throughout the story, as seen when Cera and Prosus run away from their herd and when Thud is trying to convince Screech to seek a new life without Red Claw as well.

I will have to agree that not having obvious markers when the POV charcter changes does make for a confusing read as it breaks up flow. And maybe this is just personal, but since I was drawn into the threehorn meeting and Cera and Prosus' relationship, they seem to drop off abruptly without a conclusion after managing to get the better of Red Claw. One of my biggest advice I can give to improve is the "show, don't tell" tip. The prose is currently framed like a narrative that states what each character is feeling, but not why they feel that way, with with multiple shorrt sentence fragments that could be combined for better flow. I'll also have to concur with Red Claw being highly unlikely to give up like this, but perhaps if other sharptooth/fastbiters iwas written in Screech and Red Claw's places I can see the scene working.

Still, for a first work, this is also very ambitious and lengthy at 12K, detailing the lives of the many flatteeth and sharpteeth players before culminating in a chase scene with twists and turns. Despite everything, the story does tell its tale. With practice, I can see improvement. You seem to be better at writing introspection and thoughts, and with proper sentence structure one can frame a powerful work from emotions alone.
Would it be possible for swimmers and flyers to get more love around here? Both figuratively… and literally.







That one guy who writes LBT fanfiction and accidentally makes them five times longer than he'd originally intended.


LeventeII

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Many thanks for the honest feedback!  :) I appreciate it very much and I know that the time which you spend in reading is very precious. I will do my best to improve and I will think about everything. I will make more sketches and prepare myself even more. As I said, I have already written some stories, but finally I have received a proper response. At first, I was actually quite satisfied with the story, but I realize that I still have a lot to work on.  :) I hope I won't be a disappointment next time.


Ducky123

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Since this is your first time uploading a story, I will try to be extra careful while writing my review and try to give advice where it is due  :^^spike

Let's start with the first scene. First of all, the use of present tense really confuses me. Usually, a fanfiction is a story written in past tense, at least if you write it from the view of an observer aka. the 3rd person perspective (as opposed to a first-person observer who would use past tense while retelling events and present tense while describing what's going on right now). Think of yourself, the author, as an narrator if that analogy helps  :^^spike

The first scene is doing a fairly decent job at introducing the setting of the story. Thud and Screech are preparing an assault on some hapless leafeaters and reminisce about the fastbiter wisdoms it seems.

Personally, I think it is quite important to write an interesting introduction to a story to draw the reader in. There are many ways to achieve that. You've chosen a pretty classic approach, jumping right into the dialogue of the two sharpteeth, making the reader wonder what the story will be about. It's not a very exciting start but it works well as an introduction I believe.

From what dialogue I have seen yet, you will need to work on it a little bit in the future. Actually, not the dialogue itself is the issue (it seemed alright to me) but the composition of the text that comes after it.

With Dialogue you want to express a few things: Aside from what's spoken, dialogue is always a good opportunity for you to add some descriptive words to give the reader a better insight into the characters on display. Let me give a random example.

______________________________________________________

Cera walked up to Littlefoot.

"Hey Littlefoot, what are you doing?" Cera asked.

"N-nothing!" Littlefoot answered.

"Ehh, I don't believe you," Cera said. Her eyes started to follow the longneck. "Observing that longneck girl over there, are we?" Cera grinned.

"Shut up..." Littlefoot sighed.

______________________________________________________

Okay, now let's ramp up things a bit. Same thing written with more description. (I kinda got carried away, it's almost a short story already  :littlefoot )


Spoiler: ShowHide
Cera could see Littlefoot who appeared to be idle while perching on a boulder in the middle of a meadow. The boy was looking towards the adjacent forest where a small herd of longnecks were enjoying some treestars "What on earth is that flathead doing?" the threehorn thought, the look of confusion on her face quickly growing stronger. Curiously, she began to approach the purple-gray coloured dinosaur.

"Hey Littlefoot, what are you doing?"

Littlefoot's eyes and mind were all focused on the group of longnecks, a small herd of farwalkers who had stopped by the Great Valley for a short stay like many others did. Observing strangers like that could be a lot of fun, especially given the fact that they were often distinctively different from the dinosaurs who lived in the same place all the time such as he did. His focus soon lingered on a small figure; it was a longneck child, a girl roughly his age. A beautiful hue of purple greeted his eyes and, as it turned out, the other longneck had sensed his curious gaze already. Her eyes, sparkling even from such a distance, were the kind of reddish colour that many sweet fruits and berries also possessed and, immediately, his mind drew attention to the look she was giving him. Initially shy, she smiled slightly in a manner that suggested curiosity and mild interest. Suddenly, Littlefoot's heart started beating wildly - did that longneck girl seem to like him? Immediately, he smiled back though it was an awfully awkward moment and he was quickly beginning to feel idiotic about this situation. What should he do? Would it be okay to over there and say hi? Maybe he should just... But Littlefoot never got to finish his thoughts. His heartbeat doubled when abruptly the voice of his good threehorn friend Cera disturbed the normal background level of sounds.

"Hey Littlefoot, what are you doing?"

"C-crap..." Littlefoot cursed as he realized that Cera had caught him in a very unfortunate moment. Why now of all times when he was busy?!

"N-nothing..." Littlefoot stated as innocently as he could, turning his neck around for a quick second to give Cera a quick look before his eyes returned to the female longneck.

"Ehh, I don't believe you!" Cera gawked at Littlefoot who had barely a spare moment to acknowledge her presence. Being ignored was something Cera absolutely hated but she knew better than to fight over little things like that. Instead, she chose to investigate.

"Not only is he an obnoxious idiot but he also tries to hide something. He's awfully fixated on something..." Cera's eyes began to follow the direction the longneck was looking and, slowly, she was putting the pieces together. With an awful grin developing, the threehorn spoke up.

"Observing that longneck girl over there, are we?"

Littlefoot jerked slightly as Cera's statement hit him with full force. She had figured him out and the fact that the girl was trying to communicate with him over the distance using more eye-contact didn't help the situation any. He couldn't exactly deny it, could he? Cera had probably been observing him already so there was no way he could wriggle his way out of this.

"Shut up..." he merely replied in a tone that suggested annoyance above anything else.

"Well, good luck, Littlefoot!" Cera exclaimed, raising her voice to unnecessarily high volumes, making sure the other longneck would be able to hear it as well, before suddenly wandering away from him with quick steps.

"Huh?" Littlefoot's mouth was wide open in confusion. Cera's behavior had just been plain weird and right now he couldn't really understand. Only when his attention returned to the girl in the distance, he realized that his mouth was still gaping open like the maws of a massive sharptooth!

"Oh no! " he cursed but it was too late to undo the damage. Roaring laughter was filling the air and it belonged to the sweetest voice he had ever heard. Bashfully, Littlefoot looked left and right in quick succession, avoiding the girl's gaze at all costs as he felt a heavy blush developing on his face.

When he looked up again at last, the herd had began to move somewhere else. Furiously, his eyes were trying to find the girl only to notice she was winking at him before turning away and following her herd. With a heavy sigh, Littlefoot spoke to himself.

"Well, maybe she might like me after all..." before sheepishly trotting after the herd in the hope to properly introduce himself for better or worse...

(should I write a full story about this? Let me know!  :)littlefoot


The bottom line is probably that you shouldn't tell too much but rather show. "Don't tell, show! " is a rule that you should keep in mind in the future. It doesn't work without any telling of course but do show where you can  :duckyhappy

*

Next scene. So it looks like the gang are up to mischief again  :lol This is a great way to introduce them into your story! Cera going missing due to visiting relatives is an interesting situation with a lot of potential  :yes
The aforementioned issues are obviously present here as well and this short scene might be a perfect example to show you how it could be written more effectively. If you would like me to rewrite it just to give you another example (this time related to your story to make it more relatable for you  ;)Cera) all you have to do is ask. I'll gladly do it  :exactly

*

Generally, it looks like you have a good understanding of how to use descriptions by the way , telling the reader about the stuff going on around the characters, telling what the landscape looks like and so on. It's usually short but it's enough to get a good image in my mind while reading :)

Quote
    The march towards it is silent. Neither Cera nor Topps make a sound. Nothing can be heard and nothing special can be seen. Soon they leave this small mountain range, whose mountains protect them from most of the east wind. 

I noticed another thing that goes into the "bad writing style" category and can be easily fixed. In this paragraph, I noticed it in particular.

As a general rule, every writer should try to give the words and sentences a nice and natural flow. It's not always easy to find a good balance and I still struggle with it sometimes despite my experience. In this paragraph, you wrote a few sentences but they aren't really linked to one another. It reads a little bit like a staccato sounds in music. It can be useful to emphasize certain things in your writing but, generally, linking sentences will improve the overall quality of your work significantly. I'll quickly fix this paragraph to give you a better idea of what I've been trying to explain  :lol

Spoiler: ShowHide
Neither Cera nor Topps make a sound as they march towards it in silence, hearing and seeing nothing special during their journey. Soon they leave this small mountain range, whose mountains protect them from most of the east wind.       


I refrained from adding a few more details and stuff which might further help to make it better for I only wanted to point out the linking sentences thing  :PCera I made one sentence out of three as you can see and the writing flows much better that way. You don't have to do this for every single sentence (sometimes the next sentence just doesn't work well and a few short sentences aren't bad as long as they're not the majority) but apply it where it works. It's not terrible throughout the story, just here and there as far as I can tell.  ;)Cera You'll develop a feeling for it eventually  :^^spike

I should also mention that creating extraordinarily long sentences (something us germans are well known for actually  :spit) is also something you should avoid. I'm certainly falling into that trap sometimes. As a rule of thumb, if you read a sentence and you have to go back to see what it's actually trying to say, it's too long. Now I don't know the English terminology for this but... (meistens sind mehr als 3 Nebensätze zu viel  :exactly)

A couple paragraphs later, aside from one instance where you could link a sentence again (starting a sentence with "and", "but", "or" and similar words is rarely good. I sometimes use it though if the sentence would get too lengthy otherwise but here that wouldn't apply) I actually spotted something I really liked.

Quote
Cera sighs annoyed. These will probably be the most boring days of her life. Alone under three horns, they are all so stubborn and arrogant. They constantly have to either prove themselves or show off.  But nobody will play with her for sure, because they all have an imaginary pride which they all want to preserve. From whomever. 
The "from whomever" phrase is an excellent use of short sentences in my opinion. You could have added it to the last sentence easily but breaking it off like that puts a big emphasis on the statement. I sometimes even go as far as creating a new

Paragraph  :rolleye for it but that's a stilistic choice  ;)Cera

*

Okay, I feel the flow of the writing really improves as soon as they meet the threehorn herd. That scene certainly wasn't bad and you've succeeded in making me really intrigued. Do I see a romance coming there?  :bestsharptooth
The contrast between Cera and Produs (Latin origin of that name? Same for Topps' brother?) couldn't be greater and it'll be interesting to see how this will develop in the future. Plot-wise, you're doing a great job with this story I believe  :duckyhappy

*

Back to the sharpteeth. I liked the references to those sharptooth wisdoms a lot to be honest. The writing of the hunt was a bit lackluster. An action scene needs a little more detail. I can only recommend to read rhombus' The Seven Hunters stories if you haven't because he does it very very well! I've learned a lot while reading it, especially about writing from a meat eater perspective. Since you seem to like the sharpteeth, I think you might find it very useful.  :exactly

What really really shines though is the conversation between Thud and Screech. That one was really well written. My earlier comments still apply but I really loved the content of this scene and the contrast between the two brothers. The use of the story of how everything begins was a brilliant idea to introduce the theme of freedom into the story, yep yep yep  :duckyhappy

Now this is a good moment to make a chapter break in a multi chapter story but since this is a one-shot story it works the way it is  :^^spike

I don't have much to say about the next scene. I'm not sure if it's intentional but Prosus' language seems to be a bit formal just as would be expected of a threehorn trained to be a leader one day. I'm curious about their adventure!

Meanwhile, our other adventurers are about to get a toothy surprise...  :opetrie

*

I've got a few things to say about the chase scene. First of all, what you did very well is that you didn't rush it. It was a fairly long scene with many turns and surprises as it should be!  :^^spike

There are also a few things that could be done better. Aside from the writing style (already mentioned before), I caught myself a little lost and spacing out in the action. Maybe I should just blame this on my lack of sleep but I think I can pinpoint a reason for it happening.

For a long time, all that happened was action action action in quick succession. Stuff just kept on happening. What I am really missing in this whole scene is that there are a few moments where the narrator (=you  :rainbow wave) takes a short break and the story moves to the characters for a moment. What are they thinking and feeling about during the chase? What are their plans and ideas? Things like that often help the action to flow better and it's always always always better to give an insight into the minds of the characters. It's just more emotional and just feels better than several pages of "Redclaw doss this, Thud runs over there, gang hide here and slip away once again"  ;)Cera
It wasn't a bad scene though, don't worry!

Last but not least, the final scene was surprisingly enjoyable and emotional. I would have liked to see how it came to Redclaw's injury (wait, did I fail to catch that while reading?  :opetrie :opetrie  :opetrie     ) and maybe see some sort of closure of the Gang's story (they just kinda escaped and suddenly the story was over  :P). Moreover, I would have liked to see your OC not ending up as a forgotten character towards the end. In the end, he didn't have much importance to the outcome of the story and you didn't develop any potential friendships that might have resulted from it. It's a short story so you can't go over every little detail but it was a little disappointing that his appearance had no reverbations in the end.

Laster and even more leaster...  :spit

It was a bit nostalgic reading your story because I so felt reminded of how my writing sounded back when I was translating the initial German version into English. Your English is far from perfect but you know that and I simply couldn't point out every mistake here due to the length of the review  :smile

What I really want to suggest is that you keep writing in German first as long as you are unsure about the language, however translating word by word won't bring very good results due to the differences between the two. This is something only a fellow German guy would notice but it really does show  :p

I eventually moved to English only but I had a lot of difficulty with it for a while which impacted my storytelling in a negative way. Your storytelling is fairly good, you just need to learn how to write well and use the words well to create an amazing story. It's all there, it just takes practice  ;)Cera

You should keep writing in German and once you've done don't translate but start all over but this time writing in English. The German chapter will be your point of reference but try to write the same thing but in another language without translation word by word. I've never done it before but I think it might be a big help. Ultimately, it's up to you really  :^^spike


This review took a while to write. I hope you will find it helpful. It's the least I can do to make up for not doing what I promised you to do (and still haven't done). If you want me to become your proofreader, I'm happy to help. Being German too, I'm most likely to understand what you are trying to say when using a wrong word (your most common mistake)  :DD

Ducky out, recharging  :bolt

PS: Wrote this on the phone entirely, if anything's odd autocorrect probably screwed me over again  :rolleye

PPS: fun fact about the short story in the spoiler above: I once wrote a short story like this (I forgot the context of why I was writing it) and it turned into my "Not Supposed To Be" fanfic  :olittlefoot
Inactive, probably forever.