It sounds like you expect people on these forums you join to be your friends right away with minimal effort. That isn't the way it works. If you want to build connections, you have to work for it. Post in more areas. Engage people in more topics other than LBT. Nobody here made connections from a few posts in a few areas in a short amount of time.

Not what I was saying but thanks for assuming things about me, also I was just getting ready to relax this issue and drop it. But good job showing why I felt the need to even make those feelings known in the first place.

edit- and you know what I've decided I'm done, this isn't worth it and people constantly talking down to me is irritating. You people are every bit as snooty and stuck up as I though during my first impression of this place.

Hello! It's nice to see someone try their hand at writing in the LBT universe.

It's interesting to see another 'Gang just having fun' stories. Slice-of-life isn't tackled as much now as compared to the past, and honestly... this is probably the first time I've seen Chomper in this conniving role. Usually Cera would throw a fit or Ruby and Littlefoot would put a stop to it, but they aren't here.

My biggest improvement I'll advise would be the age-old adage, a trap new authors tend to fall into: show, don't tell! https://thewritepractice.com/show-dont-tell/
The jist of this is that most of what the characters are thinking and the reason behind their actions are outright stated, but it would be better for a reader to garner why they act this way from context and behavioural clues in the prose. It's definitely a paradigm shift to get used to at first, but the quality of writing will increase tenfold when one masters it.

Quote from: Anagnos on September 27, 2019, 10:02:49 AM

Quote

Petrie surrender, do your worstest to me."

This was something I also paid close attention to, as this doesn't quite fit in with Petrie's characterization. I feel that you may have mixed up Petrie and Ducky's characterization. It is not a big problem overall, but paying extra close attention to these small details can remedy the situation a lot.

This caught my eye too! I get that Petrie wants to get caught, but in my mind I picture Petrie pleading more or at least playing hard to get... from what we know in the films, he's usually adamantly trying to be brave (or try, at least). And since he's a flyer, he isn't trapped by Chomper just because he can't swim: he can fly over him. Submitting when cornered sounds more like something Ducky would do, especially since the repetition of the -est suffix in 'worst-est' sounds more like Ducky's verbal tic.

There are more things I can mention like adverbs, structure, and run-on statements, but I'll conclude by saying that while the idea is an idiosyncratic one, the execution can definitely be better. I'll say that the way Chomper catches Ducky out is true to character, but I didn't realize what she was doing until she was caught. Don't take anything to heart, but I hope that this concrit will help you in the long run!

Well my thought was that Petrie knows this is a game and thus more relaxed knowing he's not in real danger. I also know he tends to make those same type of wording mistakes like Ducky. I don't think he does it as much though. I'm going to admit I'm not a perfect writer and I make grammar mistakes. I know I do them but I don't know how to fix it. This was just meant to be a fun playful story and I love seeing cute characters get tickled. If I get all caught up with the grammar and stuff it just sucks the fun out of it for me. I know that's important to some, but for me it's not nearly as important as the story itself and whether you find it enjoyable or not.

I could say the same for Chomper that he's only pretending and he's pretended to be an actual mean sharptooth before too. I know my favorite characters here. Also this one story is just supposed to be harmless fun, I didn't want to do a real serious story for my first one here. I wanted to see if people would actually read my stuff first. I'm breaking it up into parts only because I don't know if I can save what I've written here.

But this story is also to let people know, I do use tickling and I will use it in serious stories too. That's one of the tools I like to use as a writer and I don't plan to get rid of it.

I don't think anyone is deliberately ignoring you. Keep in mind that you've only posted one story/chapter so far, and it was only yesterday. Sometimes it just takes time to gain interest and feedback. As well, you haven't yet commented on anyone else's stories. That isn't meant as an accusation or anything (as I haven't been very active in the fanfic section myself, although I would like to be), but all the same, if you're looking for story feedback, then I'm sure you'll get it in return if you're willing to give other authors feedback as well.

As for your posts in the character pages, it's just a reality of the forum that not every post a person makes will necessarily generate a direct response. It happens to me as well sometimes. You've only been with us for a week and you've only made 11 posts thus far, which isn't a lot to go off. Just hang around long enough and you'll slowly start to build up interest and conversations with the other members.

and look I don't want this to be misread, I understand all of what your saying. I understand I'm new here, but this is an ongoing thing that tends to keep on happening to me whenever I do try a new place. So it's a little hard to stay paitent when it's happened to me before. I'm not saying people are actually ignoring me here, but it's just how it can feel. I'm also 25 years old, and anything I put my time and effort into I want to be sure will be worth it from now on. I love the Land before Time and I do want to be here, this is just how I feel and expressing that now was just really important. I bottle things up way too much.

It was a bright and sunny day out in the Great Valley. Perfect for some playtime with the kids, Littlefoot, Cera, Spike, and Ruby decided to go relax in the mud pool. While Ducky thought of a new game to play with Petrie and Chomper. She explained that Chomper would try to hunt them. If he catches them, they would end up being his "dinner" which just meant that they'd be tickled by him, and they got permission for Chomper to keep them captive longer than a day. Right now Ducky was running across a big grassy field with Petrie flying beside her on the right. Chomper was running in hot pursuit of them.

"Go on Petrie, it is too late for me." Ducky expressed playfully.

"No Ducky, Petrie will save you!" Petrie smiled bravely.

Chomper was getting closer with each passing second and had a victorious smirk on his face as he chased the smaller dinosaur. Petrie glanced around the area and couldn't see anything to the right but did see Ducky's lake coming up. The young flyer let out a brave sigh and picked up Ducky by the arms. Then threw the swimmer towards the lake, after Ducky had fallen below the water. Petrie landed on the ground, and turned around putting his hands up above his head in surrender. Chomper came to a stop upon seeing this.

"Petrie surrender, do your worstest to me." Petrie declared bravely.

"O-oh that is so c-, I mean. You are a brave one little flyer, I shall make this quick." Chomper grinned.

"N-not to quick me hope."

Of course all three of them really enjoyed being tickled which was why they made that a condition for being caught by Chomper in the first place. Petrie was picked up by his ankles so he was dangling upside down, and then Chomper began to walk away with him swaying in his right hand. Ducky surfaced back up above the water after about thirty minutes, mostly so the swimmer took sweet time in trying to "rescue" him.

She got up out of the water, and could hear Petrie's laughter not too far away from where she was. She followed it over to four boulders making up a square. She got behind one and saw Petrie now laying on a pile of leaves belly up, vines tying his wrists and ankles together to two separate boulders on an angle. One at the top right corner of this square shape, and the other secured to the boulder near the bottom corner. Chomper's tongue slurped on the grey belly making it ripple in place and getting adorably high squeals out of him. His laughter was loud and frantic as he pulled in the vines.

"PEEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHTRIE NO TASTE GOOHOHOHOHOHOHOD!"  Petrie pleaded cutely.

"Oh I beg to differ, good thing your not captured by a mean sharptooth." Chomper teased happily.

His tongue's tip swirled around in a circle on the grey belly, it quivered and bounced from the feeling of it. This tongue soon found it's way down to the center of his belly. Wiggling rapidly against it and making him squeal louder with his laughter's high frantic pitch rising higher. His back arched up out of reflex which only made the tongue's target push further into it. Chomper's claws began to scribble along it too now.

They Skittered rapidly against the skin making that adorable laughter shoot up higher and his body writhing side to side on the leaves. It was very cute to watch with Ducky and Chomper unable to keep their eyes off the quivering grey belly. Chomper's tongue tip began to lick up and down in a straight line from the top to his waist, going over that center every time. This new trick caused his squeals to turn to high pitched shrieks and made his back arch further up.

"NNOOOHOHOOHOHOHOH MOHOHOHOHOHOHORE PLEHEHEHEHEHASE CHOMPER!" Petrie begged happily.

"Sorry, but Sharptooth's make sure to enjoy every last bit of their meal." Chomper grinned.

Despite begging for mercy, Petrie didn't actually want it to stop. This was really more of a reflex from being tickled so hard, all of their friends had it really. The only time the begging should actually be taken seriously is when the word stop is uttered. Once it is the tickler has to oblige and possibly prepare to let the captive go too. Though most of the time this rarely came up when they play a tickle game. After going for a full hour, Chomper finally pulled away from Petrie's belly. He laid still on the green leaves panting in a heavy manner with his belly rising and falling adorably slow as a result of these deep breathes.

"Now, I think more flower pollen is needed." Chomper grinned.

Chomper plucked a yellow flower from the field, these were spread across every inch of it. He began to shake it over Petrie's belly, making yellow pollen fall from them and land on it getting it to jolt cutely from the feel. Some fall over his nose which caused him to sneeze adorably. He adorably rolled side to side to avoid the pollen, but it just kept falling onto his belly. The only mercy he got was Chomper sniffing the air, and picking up Ducky's smell. The flower pulled away making him give out a cute sigh of relief.

"Seems Ducky will be joining us sooner than expected." Chomper teased playfully.

"N-no y-you l-leave Ducky alOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHONE NO NO ME SOOHOHOHHOHOHOOHRRY!" Petrie pleaded cutely.

Chomper had let the flower brush up and down on the grey belly to get him laughing adorably once again. The sharptooth had it slide along the sensitive skin for about three minutes. Amused as it shook cutely from the soft flower, Chomper pulled it away and allowed him to continue his break. Panting once more as his eyes were half drooped from exhaustion. Ducky was behind the bottom corner boulder starting to untie the vines holding his legs. Then Chomper walked up behind the swimmer.

"Oooh should've started untying him sooner." Chomper grinned victoriously.

Ducky's eyes widened as her hands stopped, she glanced behind her right shoulder to see Chomper staring at her with both arms crossed. She gives a cute and playful gulp before turning around to the sharptooth. Raising her hands up high above her head in surrender. Chomper simply chuckled and poked a claw onto her white belly, getting an adorable laugh out of her as she realized she was in big trouble.

To be continued.

Thank you Blue and Mumbiling

Chomper as a character is both extremely cute and has some interesting potential if the series continues. I disagree on the notion that Chomper will have to leave the Valley when he grows up. I think that would only happen if Chomper had continued to be treated just like every other Sharptooth and not as a kid who has so far grown to being different from the rest.  Most of the adults in the valley seem to be ok with him. The only one who's still cold to him is Threehorn but that guy has his own issues.

I'd just like to give a proper greeting to everyone here. I'm Cloud5001 and I've loved the Land Before Time ever since I was a kid. I enjoy almost all of the movies except for 13 and I love the tv series too. Ducky is my favorite character with Littlefoot and Chomper tied for second and Petrie coming in third.

I've always loved Ducky even as a kid, she's so cute and innoncent. Yet as I rewatch the movies I notice she can be a bit snarky sometimes especially towards Cera which I find just hilarious. I really like how everyone in the group is just really protective of her, specifically Littlefoot, Spike, and Chomper.