emm... гг

(btqw, that's all?

and why it was T-rated?)

Topsy and Kosh both seem pretty out of character. From what I remember of Kosh, he never struck me as someone who would act like a childish bully simply because Topsy wet the nest. I'm also confused as to why any dinosaur would care about that. They don't even have bathrooms in the valley, so I can't really see them caring in particular where someone goes. At least not to the same degree as our society would.

And Topsy wouldn't be this open about his feelings. He would usually just keep them hidden under a tough exterior. He wouldn't say "Kosh said things that hurt my feelings" and cry about it. I could see him being more firm and denying that anything was wrong.

The idea of the story is nice, having Topsy deal with the guilt of nearly causing Cera to die in the fire of LBT3. But I feel that both Kosh's and Topsy's interpretations in the story could use a little work. Perhaps having Topsy act less open and keeping things inside, and having him gradually get worse and worse before he finally has to open up. And perhaps having him open up to Grandpa Longneck. For some reason, it just seems like a good fit, to have Topsy tell Grandpa Longneck about his nightmares. And as for Kosh, I'd tone down his bullying, as it just doesn't feel like his character. Maybe instead having him act antagonistic towards Topsy because maybe he misinterpreted something Topsy did.

This is a rewrite of chapter 1. Hopefully, this is a better version than the first one was.

Note: This takes place after the fire had disappeared from the valley and when the green food returned. The asterisks are used in place of italics for flashbacks and nightmares.

One night in the Great Valley, Topsy appeared to be sleeping uneasily. It has been months since the green food had come back after the fire had disappeared. However, Topsy’s stunt with leading Cera directly into the fire, albeit unintentionally, still haunted his mind.
 *Topsy’s Nightmare*
 *Topsy and Cera were surrounded by burning logs and all the flames; they had nowhere to go. Suddenly, Topsy looked over at the still form of Cera; he rushed over and tried to wake her up. However, it was no use; Cera had died due to an excessive amount of smoke in her lungs. Just when Topsy was about to collapse, he woke up panting.*
 *End dream*
 Topsy sat up suddenly and looked over at Cera, who was sleeping soundly. He heaved a sigh of relief and went back into an uneasy sleep.
 A few hours later, he and Cera appeared at the Feeding Grounds for breakast. However, since Topsy barely slept a wink, he was tired and grumpy. Although, that didn’t stop him from going on about his day. He started eating some sweet bubbles from a bush and then rammed some treestars down from a tall tree and ate them. Grandpa has been watching him from a distance and noticed that something seemed off about him; though, he decided not to pester him about it.
“Hmm,” Grandpa muttered.
“What is it, dear?” Grandma wondered.
“It seems our threehorn friend appears to be troubled; ever since the fire, he’s really been on edge,” Grandpa explained.
 Grandma sighed. She couldn’t deny how much she cared about Topsy’s wellbeing.
“I wouldn’t bother him with so many questions; let him come to you, or me or anyone else who’s willing to let him express his emotions,” Grandma assured her mate.
“You’re right; but, once again, my parental instincts have kicked in, even if Topsy isn’t an offspring of ours; I still care about him; why do you think I saved him and Cera? I didn’t want them to die in the fire,” Grandpa told her.
 Grandma nodded.
 Later in the day, Topsy was walking around; it seemed as if he saw fire and flames everywhere he went. However, he shook it off, and just kept it to himself.
 *Flashback*
 *”Daddy, I’m scared!” Cera exclaimed.
 *”A real threehorn never gets scared in the face of danger,” Topsy told her.
 *They were soon surrounded by some flames that had knocked a tree down and blocked their path. Both of them panted from exhaustion…*
 *Flashback end*
 Topsy shook his head in order to clear his mind of the thought.
“That was scary,” Topsy told himself.
 After that, he continued his solitary walk. In the back of his mind, he hoped that the nightmares would stop soon since he really needed some sleep. However, he would have to confide in someone he could trust with his life to keep the matter to him/herself.
 Over the next few days, Topsy has been getting the same nightmare; even during the day when he decides to take an afternoon nap underneath the bright circle. Various herd members were getting worried about him since he seems to be more irritable than normal. Even Kosh has expressed how worried he was even if Topsy isn’t one of his best friends.
“I assure you guys; I’m fine,” Topsy told them.
“Then why are you so grumpy, hmm?” Kosh retorted.
“You’re annoying me with your questions, now just leave me alone for a while,” Topsy snapped.
 Kosh sighed and wandered away with some of the herd members following behind him.
“Humph!” Topsy snorted and walked away in the opposite direction.
 He then decided to lie down for another nap, hoping that this time, he won’t have the recurring nightmare. He got himself comfortable on the ground underneath a big tree and rested his head on his paws and closed his eyes.
 Meanwhile, Littlefoot and his friends were out playing with Hyp, Mutt and Nod. The eight of them were having fun tossing the pinecone around. However, Hyp’s team was winning; and it was on a team that Cera wasn’t on. She really wanted to be on the winning team; however, she was told that games were meant for having fun, not just winning. Hyp kicked the pinecone over to Littlefoot; however, Nod, being on Cera’s team had caught it in his mouth and it landed in the goal for Hyp’s team.
“D’oh, me no like losing,” Petrie muttered.
“Ha ha ha, the score is tied; the next one to score is the winner,” Cera stated.
“And that’s gonna be me, girly,” Hyp sneered.
 Once the game had restarted, Hyp managed to score on Cera’s team. Although their team had won, Littlefoot, Spike, Mutt and Hyp were nice about it and offered to do a rematch.
“Good game, guys,” Cera commented.
 Spike murmured in agreement.
“Uh, yeah; it was fun,” Mutt agreed.
 Back at the Tall Trees, Topsy once again had woken up from his recurring nightmare. Much to his horror, he was confronted by Grandpa Longneck.
“Are you all right? I heard you yelling in your sleep,” Grandpa commented.
 Topsy stood up and shook himself.
“I’ll be fine; Kosh and a few others asked me the same thing and I told them that I was fine,” Topsy said.
“All right; but, I have noticed that you’ve been having nightmares; if you ever feel the need to talk, I’m ready to listen,” Grandpa told him.
“Like I said before, I’m fine,” Topsy stated.
“All right; I’ll drop it; but, remember that it’s not healthy to keep things bottled up,” Grandpa claimed.
 Topsy nodded and wandered away.
“That threehorn is gonna snap one day,” Grandpa muttered to himself.
 Once Topsy had gotten to a more secluded area, he found himself getting a headache.
“Maybe the longneck is right…no, no; a threehorn never shows weakness to anybody, especially a longneck,” Topsy told himself.
 He was soon fighting a battle within himself; his conscience was telling him that opening up about his nightmares to someone is a good way of making sure he won’t get them anymore. However, another part of him made him keep the negative feelings to himself since he was taught that emotions were for the weak.
“Hmmm, maybe a drink of water will get rid of this headache,” Topsy said.
 Upon reaching a watering hole, he lowered his head to the water and began to drink. After quenching his thirst, his headache had gone away. However, he felt a sharp pain in his chest; since it was minor, he shook it off and kept on walking.
 Unbeknownst to him, various herd members were keeping a close watch on him since there might be one day when he’d snap.

Interesting so far

Do you mind some constructive critism? I'm far from being perfect as a writer myself but there's some advice I could share here. Just let me know whether or not you'd like to hear it, okay? Like I said, the story seems really interesting so far and I can't wait to see Topsy finally snapping  

Note: Topsy is in the beginning stages of distress; not only is his mental health being affected, so is his physical health.

Topsy's outburst with Mr. Thicknose, while uncalled for, was understandable. The threehorn still has insecurities that he hasn't gotten over yet. To make matters worse, his appetite was almost non-existent, and he has been experiencing shortness of breath along with recurring headaches due to the repressed emotions within him. However, he still continued to live life as normally as possible.
"I gotta eat something," Topsy told himself.
He then started nibbling on a ground star plant since he didn't have his usual energy to ram some treestars from a tree. It took more effort to swallow them since he felt like his stomach was tied in knots due to all the stress he's going through. The food tasted bitter to him; after looking at the bush of sweet bubbles next to the ground star plant, they didn't seem appetizing to him at all.
"Ah, well, my loss is Kosh's gain; the extra food and extra weight," Topsy stated.
Unbeknownst to the threehorn, Kosh was listening and heard everything. However, he decided not to make a big deal out of in for fear that it might cause another outburst from Topsy.
"Ugh! Maybe some water will help," Topsy claimed.
Upon reaching the Thundering Falls, Topsy stood at the edge of the watering hole and took a few gulps of water. Then, he realized his mistake; he then rushed to some bushes off-screen just in time before his stomach emptied its contents. After a few minutes, he wandered back over to the watering hole and took another drink. However, he was caught off guard by Grandpa Longneck. The elder had been the one to notice him throwing up in the bushes.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Grandpa asked.
Topsy crouched down in a pouncing position; he was getting tired of being asked if he was all right. However, since Grandpa was much bigger, he could take him on. The elder took it upon himself to keep Topsy from attacking him out of anger.
"I'm sorry, I can't help myself; I'm just worried about you," Grandpa added.
Topsy was still clenching his jaws; his horns were still at the ready to charge. However, he finally relented and sat down. Grandpa was happy that he was able to get Topsy to calm down.
"You saw me, huh? I guess I just ate something that didn't agree with me," Topsy stated.
Grandpa shrugged.
"I appreciate you looking out for me; but, I don't feel ready to talk about my feelings yet," Topsy continued.
Grandpa nodded.
Soon enough, both males went their separate ways. Grandpa decided to drop the subject for now; however, he couldn't help but worry about the threehorn. As if on cue, Grandma showed up at Grandpa's side.
"Did you get him to open up, yet?" Grandma asked.
"Eh, he's not quite ready to open up yet," Grandpa answered.
"I understand; and I can see that he'd be insecure about opening up to you if I'm around; since even males need to have one-on-one conversations; there are times when I have one-on-one conversations with females," Grandma explained.
Grandpa nodded.
"That's a good point; I think that a one-on-one conversation with me is what Topsy needs to let go of any repressed emotions; and then when he feels ready, he could be more open about it with the others; until then, whenever he decides to take me aside to talk, it'll be just between me and him; you understand that like with females, males need to have the odd private conversation," Grandpa stated.
Grandma nodded.
Meanwhile, the eight kids were wading in the watering hole. The weather was pretty warm since the sun was at the highest point in the sky.
"It is hot out; I am just glad that all the green food is back in full bloom again," Ducky commented.
The other seven nodded in agreement.
A little while later, a meeting was being held at the Rock Circle. Once again, a few of the grown ups were having a discussion without Topsy.
"What are we gonna do with him?" Kosh asked.
"We aren't gonna do anything," Grandpa answered.
Kosh glanced up at the elder.
"He went off on Mr. Thicknose; although, he just yelled at him, and he almost lost it again earlier after I once again asked him if he was all right; I know something is bothering him; but, until he feels ready to talk about it in front of everybody, he might only want to talk about it if it's with just me," Grandpa continued.
Just then, Ducky's mother cut in.
"You don't have to tell me twice; Kosh, on the other hand-"
"Shut it, Ariel," Kosh grumbled.
And with that, Kosh walked away.
"What's with him? He seems really bummed about this; or maybe he's taking his frustrations of being left out of important discussions on me; personally, I don't see how he could be of any help in this situation; I'm not saying this because he's stupid-"
"Maybe because he has a big mouth and, even though Topsy doesn't exactly hate him; he still doesn't think he's trustworthy enough to confide in him; I also think that he couldn't trust his own father with an issue that personal," Grandpa told her.
Ariel sighed.
"Wow, I had no idea it was this serious; I sure hope he gets better soon," Ariel commented.
"I do, too, Ariel," Grandpa said.
And with that, the meeting had finished and the grown ups left the Rock Circle.

The four dinosaurs have been wandering the Mysterious Beyond for the last few hours; and the heat seemed to be getting to them.
"It's so hot out here," Kosh complained.
The other three nodded in agreement.
All of a sudden, the four of them saw Topsy walking up to them. He clearly had a run-in with Red Claw, Screech and Thud. However, his wounds weren't bleeding; all he had was some claw marks on his face, some blood on his horn when he inflicted a flesh wound on Screech and he bled to death. Red Claw and Thud managed to escape with their lives, though.
"Oh, dear; are you all right?" Grandma asked.
"Do I look like I'm all right? Huh, do I?" Topsy snarled.
"Is that any way to talk to a lady?" Grandpa demanded.
Topsy lowered his head in shame.
"I appreciate you sticking up for me; but, I'll excuse the rudeness this once," Grandma told him before she looked down at Topsy.
Soon enough, Topsy looked up at the elderly female.
"I'm so-"
"I know you're sorry; that must have been quite a fight you had with those guys; so, you managed to kill Screech," Grandma stated.
Topsy nodded.
"Although, I didn't get out of the fight unscathed; I have good scratches on my face, Thud head butted me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me; thankfully, I hadn't eaten too much, so it wasn't too bad; although, Screech was downwind of me; I never should have eaten all that stinkweed and swamp sticks before bed last night; those things give me indigestion; then again, all this stress still causes me to experience stomach pain, which is fairly common," Topsy explained.
The other dinosaurs nodded.
"Well, I'm just glad you're not seriously hurt; but, I have just one question...WHAT THE HELL WENT THROUGH YOUR MIND WHEN YOU RAN OFF THIS MORNING?! WE WERE ALL WORRIED SICK!" Kosh shouted.
"You? Worried sick about me? And here I thought you'd be more worried about not having enough to eat, much less worry about me," Topsy retorted.
Ariel fought back the urge to laugh at Topsy's retort to Kosh.
"There's no need for such childish behavior, you two; Kosh, you could have settled this in a more mature way instead of shouting," Grandma said.
"She sure told you," Topsy remarked to Kosh.
"Oh, shut up! At least I didn't run off to the Mysterious Beyond to try and get killed," Kosh snarled.
"I needed some time to think, all right?" Topsy retorted.
"Boys..." Grandma scolded the younger males.
Topsy and Kosh sighed since they knew they couldn't argue with the elderly female. It was a long walk back to the Great Valley; and thanks to the heat, it made the walk seem twice as long.
"I'm beat," Ariel stated with a yawn.
"You can ride on my back for a while if you want," Topsy offered.
Ariel smiled. However, she had Topsy lower himself to the ground before she got on his back. Upon getting herself comfortable, Topsy stood back up and they all continued on the path back to the Great Valley.