The Gang of Five

The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: Ducky123 on January 12, 2014, 10:11:28 AM

Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 12, 2014, 10:11:28 AM
Sleepstories are haunting the Longnecks. Many follow their insticts and go on a journey to an epic event that they feel will happen wherever their insticts will lead them. So do Littlefoot, Ali and Shorty with their folks. But there's something about Shorty. Something that had happened in his early childhood still haunts him... Based on LBT 10 but many details changed :)

Hi everyone, here's a little preview on the real thing. Tomorrow, I'll start publishing the first chapter :)
Above is a little summary. As always, I'd be happy to hear (eh read) your opinions, thoughts, critism and praise or whatever you have in mind :p
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Shorty's Dark Past

Prologue:
It was night on planet earth. All dinosaurs were sound asleep. Although Littlefoot, Ali and Shorty lived at totally different places, they were having the same sleepstory. They writhed in sleep, moaned and mewled, eventually waking up screaming in horror...
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Chapters may be a little longer than the ones you're used to reading from my first story :exactly

The first chapter will be my take on how Shorty and Bron met and what their backstories are like :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on January 12, 2014, 01:56:45 PM
Sounds very promising.  It seems to me that there are far too few stories exploring the backhistory of Shorty.  There is much that we do not know about the small, green longneck and I think that it is obvious that his early life was not a happy one, with him being an orphan and having to care for several other younglings.   I am definitely looking forward to this. :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 13, 2014, 12:23:24 PM
Here we go!!!
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Chapter 1:

Shorty awoke. The previous day, he had been found by a grown-up, protecting some hatchlings who were younger than him being pretty young himself and wandering through the barren landscape in desperate search of his mother and food. The grown-up was a Longneck like him and the hatchlings - handsome and strong but not very talkative. As Shorty and the grown-up had found each other, the little Longneck at first had thought that the one staring at him might want to harm him so he had positioned himself in front of his followers in a protective manner. The big Longneck had observed the young  ones from all sides and continued his slow trot without paying them any further attention. Shorty had noticed how depressed the Longneck looked. Since the hatchings and he were all alone and exposed to the Sharpteeth, the little one had decided to follow the grown-up dinosaur who had noticed them but kept his mouth shut. So the little ones had followed him all day until the Bright Circle had left the sky, disappearing behind the horizon.
Shorty looked around but he couldn't spot the grown-up anywhere. Some hatchlings were weeping so Shorty comforted them; at least he tried.
Then, surprisingly, the grown-up dinosaur appeared from behind a rock face and approached, walking briskly.
"Follow me, younglings. I found a watering hole some distance away," he told them.
The hatchlings cancelled crying and darted towards the tall Longneck as fast as their legs would carry them.
He turned tail and wandered towards the supposed watering hole.
Shorty remained skeptical because he didn't trust the discreet and mysterious Longneck yet. His father had always told him not to trust anybody, neither friend nor foe. Tears filled the young one's eyes. He still couldn't believe that, what his father had done, had really happened and frankly neither wanted to talk nor to think about that. He steadied himself and followed the others.
After some walking, they could spot a small lake in the distance.
"I've been in this area before as a youngling," the grown-up narrated. "Back then, everything was green and whereever you were looking you could see trees and bushes. But as you can see, the land has been changing. Nowadays, everything has died so food and water are rare. Anyhow, let's go to that watering hole to satisfy our thirst. If we're lucky, we might even find some food. We'll see..."
The little ones ran off, playing tag, whereas Shorty and the grown-up followed them in a trot - each of them being busied with their own thoughts.
The watering hole was further away than they had assumed and the Great Circle burned down on the sourced up dinosaurs.
Eventually, the hatchlings were tired so that the grown-up carried them.
Shorty went on valiantly even though his feet were aching and the heat was unbearable. His father had always told him never to give up and to keep the aim in sight. The lessons of his father were the only things Shorty had liked his father for. He probably wouldn't have survived thus far otherwise.
After a while, the grown-up asked Shorty if he would like to be carried as well.
"Thanks for the offer but I'm capable of walking on my own!" Shorty answered in a chilly tone that he actually didn't intended to use.
"It's no problem on my end, really. I'm alright, but you look pretty exhausted. I just wanna help you," the tall Longneck explained.
"My father has told me not to trust strangers," Shorty replied, emphasising 'father' in disgust.
"Well, of course your father is right there. My parents used to tell me that on every occasion too."
After a short moment of silence, he continued.   
"You don't seem to like your father, do you? Where are your parents uhm... what's your name by the way?"
"The name's Shorty. Yours?"
"I go by Bron. You can trust me. Y'know... I have a son, that is if he's still alive..."
"Hmmm, how 'bout this? You tell me your story and then I gonna tell mine, agreed?"
"Agreed! Shall I start?"
"Yep, go ahead!"
"Alright! So y'know, I used to live in a land that was similar to this one in the past with my family. There was a enough food to go around and we were relatively save from Sharpteeth. I'm skilled in fighting, just to let you know, so you don't need to be afraid as long as you stay close to me." Bron smiled at Shorty.
Shorty seemed to trust him the more he was telling him.
"Cool! If you don't mind carrying me, I'd like to now."
Bron had to laugh, seeing Shorty's sudden change in mind. Lowering his head, Shorty climbed up, taking a seat.
"Continue please, Bron."
"Well, we were happy there but then the land began to change. Everything dried up and turned into barren land. My mate told me that she expected offspring and that she didn't want raising the kids in such an unfriendly and dangerous area. So I wandered off to find a better place where we could live with many other Longnecks in harmony. Following the Bright Circle's highest position on the sky, I eventually discovered such a place after a long journey. I immediately returned to my family to lead them. My only son, as I was told later, had already hatched for a while at this time. He should be about your age by the way. So I returned to the nest. The only thing I was still able to find was a monstrous crack in the landscape - just where the nest had been. I was shattered. My family wasn't there anymore. I hoped they had left prior to the earthshake having caused the crack but up to this day I don't know if anybody has survived. Some time ago, I finally met somebody who was aware of my mate's fate. She had battled the biggest, meanest Sharptooth ever heard of and seen. My son had been chased by him when my mate chimed in and defended him by all means. She fought well but finally she got ripped out a part of her back and neck and died later."
"I'm sorry, Bron. What happened to your son?"
"If only I knew... During the fight, a huge earthshake struck the region and created that crack I spoke about earlier. I don't know where the fight had taken place since my family had left the nest due to lack of food, apparently. Anyhow, I'm in search for my son since an eternity but I found literally nothing! I'm about to loose my faith. My only hope is that my mate's parents might have found the little one, raising him, whereever they may be."
"I sincerely hope they did," Shorty said. "I'd love to have playmates of my age. The hatchlings don't count."
"I believe you, Shorty," Bron responded in thoughts. "Now tell me your story."
"Okay. I wasn't as happy as you with your family: A mother I never got to know and a father beating the guts outta me and my four siblings."
"Your father thwacked you?!?"
"Yeah! When we haven't behaved well or when he simply was in a mood, we received beating - mostly for no reason. Thus, my mother had left for being brutal and mean and always thinking about him only - prior to us even hatching. She couldn't take the eggs with her after all. My father's actual problem was that he was addicted to a certain kind of leaf. Whenever he hadn't had any, he was extremely aggressive and usually in a bad mood. The land got drier and drier. When my father couldn't find any leaves anymore, he announced we'd move. We wandered through mainly dry wasteland for weeks. He didn't find his leaves so we received beating every day. Most of the time, we were terribly thirsty and starving. At last, we found small oasis - hardly bigger than the one in front of us - where we found enough food and water. My father combed through the whole area, seeking for his leaves. We were forced to support him despite not wanting to. Day after day! Luckily, we didn't find any. My father accused us of not looking properly, shouting at us for ages. I became furious because he always thought about himself, and never about us. I told him that. I was bludgeoned worse than ever before; the jerk stopped long after everything blackened out. As I woke up in the next morning, I had a nasty headache and my leg was sorely damaged. My body was covered in all sorts of injuries, in fact. My siblings told me what he did and I told them that I'd leave, run off. I asked them to come along but they didn't want to so I ran off all alone, having eaten and drunk as much as I could."
"That's hard to swallow..." Bron stated huskily. "Did you recover from all those injuries?"
"The headache and the smaller ones were gone soon but my leg had hurt for quite some time. I was straying for such a long time that I have forgotten how much time has passed since I ran off."
"You were lucky, Shorty!" Bron said. "You could've died of thirst or starvation very easily or one of those Sharpteeth could've eaten you."
"Yeah! You're right, Bron. I gonna get some rest until we're there."
"Alright, Shorty!"

Not soon after, they arrived at the watering hole that luckily offered some edible food.
Shorty stayed with Bron. They wandered to the land that Bron had chosen for his family originally and stayed. Nothing had changed there, many Longnecks were living in a paradise.
Bron soon became the leader of a steadily growing herd. The hatchlings were adopted by other families - but not Shorty. Since he wasn't adopted, Bron took care of him.

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So what do you think of it? :)

Uploads won't come as often as they do for my main fic but I try uploading weekly :yes

The next chapter is about, guess whom :p Ali
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on January 13, 2014, 09:29:51 PM
I'm not really a Shorty fan (Mainly because of his ego he seems to  have but don't  hate him,just not a huge fan) but I LOVE this story. I feel kinda bad for him that his father abused him *hugs Shorty*.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on January 13, 2014, 11:14:07 PM
Poor Shorty  :(  Although, this does add some context to his self-sufficient and commandeering demeanor.  It explains his trust and intimacy issues quite well.

This is a rather good introduction to Shorty's tale that definitely sets up later events (including Bron finding Littlefoot) quite nicely.  I rather liked how you elaborated on Shorty's past and how that has affected his outlook on life.  Now that the reader has a deeper emotional connection to Shorty, this will make him more suitable as the main protagonist of the story.  I look forward to seeing how this story develops. :)

I did find a few words choices, however, that could be modified to better fit the vocabulary of the Land Before Time.

Quote
As Shorty had found the grown-up, respectively having been found by the grown-up, the little Longneck at first had thought that the one staring at him might want to harm him so he had positioned himself in front of his followers in a protective manner.

The portion ", respectively having been found by the grown-up, " could possibly be omitted as it makes the sentence flow in an abnormal way.  Alternatively, the sentence could be reworded to simply indicate that "As Shorty and the grown up found each other, the little longneck..." as that would indicate the same information but flow in a more natural, conversational way.

Quote
"Alright! So y'know, I used to live in a land that was similar to this one in the past with my family. There was a sufficient amount of food and we were relatively save from Sharpteeth. I'm skilled in fighting, just to let you know, so you don't need to be afraid as long as you stay close to me." Bron smiled at Shorty.

Instead of "a sufficient amount of food" perhaps "there was enough food" might better fit the vocabulary of Bron.  I would expect words like "sufficient" to come from Mr. Thicknose and the rainbowfaces, but not from most of the other adults.  Also it should be "relatively safe", not "relatively save".

Besides those minor issues with word choice, I found this to be a rather intriguing start to the story and I look forward to the next installment.   :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: bushwacked on January 14, 2014, 05:01:26 AM
Sorry I'm taking so long to get these back to you... I'll have them back by Friday, honest  :angel

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter - learning about Shorty's past was certainly interesting, and I liked seeing how he and Bron first met. The only part I found maybe a little jarring was that Shorty went from being cold and untrusting towards Bron, to suddenly being open and having an in depth conversation maybe a little too quickly. Also, if a character says that he'll do something, it should be I'm gonna not I gonna.

Aside from that, really good chapter like I said. Definitely looking forward to seeing where it goes form here  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 14, 2014, 01:45:05 PM
Thanks everybody :)

Quote
I'm not really a Shorty fan (Mainly because of his ego he seems to have but don't hate him,just not a huge fan) but I LOVE this story. I feel kinda bad for him that his father abused him *hugs Shorty*.
I'm glad you think so, Nahla. This abuse thingy will eventually have an effect on Shorty's behavior... though not too soon :p

Quote
Poor Shorty sad.gif Although, this does add some context to his self-sufficient and commandeering demeanor. It explains his trust and intimacy issues quite well.

This is a rather good introduction to Shorty's tale that definitely sets up later events (including Bron finding Littlefoot) quite nicely. I rather liked how you elaborated on Shorty's past and how that has affected his outlook on life. Now that the reader has a deeper emotional connection to Shorty, this will make him more suitable as the main protagonist of the story. I look forward to seeing how this story develops. smile.gif

I did find a few words choices, however, that could be modified to better fit the vocabulary of the Land Before Time.

QUOTE
As Shorty had found the grown-up, respectively having been found by the grown-up, the little Longneck at first had thought that the one staring at him might want to harm him so he had positioned himself in front of his followers in a protective manner.


The portion ", respectively having been found by the grown-up, " could possibly be omitted as it makes the sentence flow in an abnormal way. Alternatively, the sentence could be reworded to simply indicate that "As Shorty and the grown up found each other, the little longneck..." as that would indicate the same information but flow in a more natural, conversational way.

QUOTE
"Alright! So y'know, I used to live in a land that was similar to this one in the past with my family. There was a sufficient amount of food and we were relatively save from Sharpteeth. I'm skilled in fighting, just to let you know, so you don't need to be afraid as long as you stay close to me." Bron smiled at Shorty.


Instead of "a sufficient amount of food" perhaps "there was enough food" might better fit the vocabulary of Bron. I would expect words like "sufficient" to come from Mr. Thicknose and the rainbowfaces, but not from most of the other adults. Also it should be "relatively safe", not "relatively save".

Besides those minor issues with word choice, I found this to be a rather intriguing start to the story and I look forward to the next installment. in-yes.gif
Thanks rhombus :) I'll change those eventually (that's what you get for publishing your stuff prior to having somebody check it :p) Though, I can't blame you bushie :angel You're doing a great job and I'm to be blamed for being too fast :rolleyes
Anyway, that's why I won't upload more often than once a week.

Quote
Sorry I'm taking so long to get these back to you... I'll have them back by Friday, honest dino_angel.gif

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter - learning about Shorty's past was certainly interesting, and I liked seeing how he and Bron first met. The only part I found maybe a little jarring was that Shorty went from being cold and untrusting towards Bron, to suddenly being open and having an in depth conversation maybe a little too quickly. Also, if a character says that he'll do something, it should be I'm gonna not I gonna.

Aside from that, really good chapter like I said. Definitely looking forward to seeing where it goes form here smile.gif
Just take your time proofreading :yes
Well, you have a point there. Shorty does have such a shift in mind because he only refuses to accept Bron's help due to his pride. Eventually, he drops it for being tired of walking. Besides, Shorty notices that he could actually relate to Bron somewhat.

I'll put that 'gonna thing' in my pipe and smoke it, as the saying goes (that is if my research is being correct) :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 20, 2014, 12:08:16 PM
Chapter 2:

Ali woke up. All around her were Longnecks, trees and rocks gliding through the air. Ali, gliding as well, jumped on one of the flying treetrunks which began to rotate around its axis due to the impact so that Ali almost plopped off it. She giggled. Abruptly, spooky, dark clouds appeared out of nowhere, eclipsing the area. Rings made out of cloud encircled the Bright Circle, closing in. Ali closed her eyes in fright. However, her curiosity quickly grew over her terror so she opened her eyes again. She saw the Bright Circle growing bigger and bigger...
Just at the very moment at which the Circle would have crashed into the ground, Ali awoke, panting. The pink Longneck girl looked around. Seemingly, she wasn't the only one being haunted by strange sleepstories. A cry just echoed which sounded as if it were uttered by the leader of her herd - the Old One.
All of a sudden, Ali's Mother turned around in sleep, rolling on her daughter. Ali screamed in pain and surprise and woke up her mother by doing so.
"Mum! You've rolled on me!!!"
Ali's Mother jumped to her feet, startled.
"Curse you sleepstories! I'm terribly sorry, sweetie... Did I hurt you?" she stammered.
"First, I'm not your 'sweetie' anymore! I'm not a hatchling after all! Second, yes I'm hurt... byYOU!!!" Ali cursed and sweared.
"Don't talk to me like that! It's not my fault when nasty sleepstories are hunting me! Besides, you have had one last night as well, crying 'Mother' all the time!!!" Ali's Mother countered, hitting a full blow.
"Alright... truce," Ali called, nerved. "Now that's why everyone was staring at me like that yesterday..."
Just then, the Old One passed by.
"Well hello, you certainly look as restless as I do."
"Yes, we've been having this sleepstory every night, always the same one," Ali's Mother replied.
"By the looks of it, almost everybody seems to be affected."
"Yeah, my mum rolled on me!" Ali piped up, unasked.
"Can you explain this, Old One?" Ali's Mother asked, frowning.
"Those sleepstories only appear to affect us Longnecks," she spoke. "I have had talks with dinosaurs of other kinds and nobody had any unusual increase in bad sleepstories, or always having the same one over and over again for that matter..."
"Does this mean that... all Longnecks all over this world are having the same sleepstory?" Aliwondered in excitement. Her hope to meet a certain dinosaur in the near future was just being reactivated.
"If I'm not mistaken, little girl, you might be right," the Old One spoke.
"Awesome!!!" she exclaimed merrily. "Then Littlefoot ought to experience them too!"
"Who is Littlefoot?" she wondered.
"A friend of mine. Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike too!!!"
"Ali is talking about the nephew of the old Longneck living in the Great Valley. Back then when we last visited the place, he got dangerously sick. Only the Nightflower from the land where we came from could prevent his certain death. Littlefoot brought the Night Flower in time due to Ali's help," Ali's Mother narrated.
"Yes, I remember now..." the Old One replied. "Who are those other folks though?"
"Friends of mine too," Ali prattled.
"The young Longneck may be friendly and kind but he has a weird bunch of friends if you ask me... Unfortunately, my little daughter seems to have befriended them as well," she explained.
"MUUUUUM!!! Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike are alright and I'M NOT LITTLE!!!" Aliscreamed.
"Ali behave! They aren't Longnecks like us which means they can't be friends of yours! They're different from us and everything that’s different is dangerous and to be kept away from. Have you got this, young lady?"
"YES!"
"Old One, you were about to tell us the reason for the sleepstories, weren't you?"
"Oh right, I think, for the purposes of the herd, it is wisest to call a meeting when the Bright Circle enters the sky to unfold my thoughts, guesses and intentions to everybody."
"Why of course this is wise. Why would we receive any preferations anyway?" Ali's Mother laughed subserviantly.
"Yes, you are right. Now settle down and rest. Good Night!"
"Good Night!" mother and daughter called.
They indeed settled down - Ali kept a fair distance to her mother, just in case... They soon drifted off into a troubled sleep...

In the following morning - the Great Circle was about to rise up into the sky - Ali was woken up by her mother because the meeting would start as soon as the Bright Circle had risen. Ali wasn't particularly pleased since she just had been having a wonderful sleepstory about Littlefoot and his friends. Her mother washed her face, using her tongue, since Ali had to look proper.
"Cut it off!!!" Ali groused.
"You ought to look nice," her mother retorted.
"Bla, bla, bla..."
"Ali!!! Stop being naughty!"
"Just leave me in peace!!!"
"I believe I need to report your bad behavior to the Old One. You won't have anything to laugh about in that case, young lady!!!"
"That's it?"
"Come on, Ali!"
"Nay!"
"ALI!!!"
"Catch me if you can!!!"
"YOU ATTEND THAT MEETING NOW!!! You'll regret it deeply, I promise you that!!!"
"Yawn..."
"ALI!!!"
"This herd is just BOOOOOORING!!! I want to have FUN!!! And I won't let you spoil me having some!!! Seeya!" Ali stormed off.
"YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE, YOUNG LADY!!!"
"Not bothered..."
"ALIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"
Yet Ali didn't obey. Before she disappeared in the jungle, she roared.
"I HATE YOU!!!" She ran away, kicking every pebble in her course.
Ali's Mother sighed and took a few deep breaths to calm down. Then she attended the meeting...

The Old One stepped into the semicircle built by her herd members and started her speech.
The gossip of the gathered Longnecks immediately ceased.
"Good morning, fellow Longnecks."
The crowd replied blearily.
"As you certainly have noticed already, we Longnecks - and that applies to our kind only as I discovered at doing some research among other creatures - have sleepstories every night. It is the  very same one everybody is experiencing."  
She made a short pause to listen to any comments the Longnecks might utter.
"Yeah, I know mine by heart!" somebody called, annoyed.
"Me as well!" another Longneck exclaimed in frustration.
They called, screamed and ranted in a mess, forcing the Old One to intervene.
"Now do not talk all at once," she piped up indignantly. The crowd ceased talking.
"Very well! Your reaction validates my presumption. Everybody is having sleepstories, truly everybody."
Her gaze wandered to a nearby mountain chain for a short moment. They had discovered this place being quite hospitable from up there. They had been dwelling there for quite some time since two young females would become mothers very soon. The place was about the size of the Great Valley, though it was in reach of  Sharpteeth and offered less food than it. As long as there was enough food to last, so the Old One had decided, they'd stay until the little ones could walk on their own. She gazed for any possible threats - an important thing to do being the leader of a herd and a role the Old One was more than willing to take due to being born over-cautious and apprehensive, so were most of the members of her herd. Since she didn't spot any possible threats, she continued.
"I will now report to you what I have experienced in my sleepstories and how I felt at that and then I will ask you whether it is similar to yours. I wake up on the ground and there are many Longnecks all around me who, like all the trees and rocks, are flying. They are moving into a certain direction. I feel that I need to follow them. As soon as the desire to follow them pipes up in my head, I get heaved up into the air tailfirst. My whole body is eventually being carried by the  air as if invisible forces are working. I follow my fellow Longnecks. But suddenly, a shadow is being put upon us. I look into the sky and I see how black clouds stack up at a crazy speed, aiming towards us. The clouds form rings around the Great Circle, approaching in the process. I shut my eyes since the Bright Circle is shining too bright to look into it for a long time. Then I try to open them again but the only thing that I can see is how the Bright Circle grows bigger as if being thrown from the sky, falling onto us. I always wake up panting, occasionally crying. Whenever I have woken up, I have a weird feeling. I feel as if I am supposed to go to a specific place but neither do I know where to go nor why to go nor what to do once having arrived. These days, I suffer of persistent restlessness which is, knowing me, not my self. Now, my fellow Longnecks, I ask you. Do you feel similar to me?"
Immediately, they began talking in a mess again. The Old One picked up enough pieces of conversation to be completely sure.
"Okay, enough," she stated and the herd subsided on command.
"You have the same feelings that I have. That was to be expected. After all, why should I be the only one, taking into consideration that we all are having the sleepstories?"
The crowd agreed, murmuring.
"What is causing me a headache, is the unevitable question whether or not to follow our instincts. Of course, we would miss something, staying here. I feel it, an event will take place and it will be gorgeous!"
The herd nodded  in agreement.
"Mind you that two members of this herd," the Old One gazed at them. "Will have offspring in the near future. The eggs are about to be laid but the breeding uses up a lot of time as you should know. Therefore, we would have to split the herd."
Most of the Longnecks didn't seem to like that particular thought. Here and there, they were whispering.
"Moreover, the possibility of many unneccessary dangers would have to be accepted for something that we honestly don't know anything about, for something we merely feel. Sharpteeth, fire pits and big wastelands without any water or food are only a couple of the many dangers that might do our herd harm. But the group that will stay here for the sake of protecting those emergent parents would be under even bigger danger for it would very likely be a rather small group and there is safety in numbers after all. After all, who would want to stay if almost everybody else goes to see that event whereas you are supposed to stay behind with a little minority, exposed to Sharpteeth and other offending creatures?"
"Well, I’m gonna stay here!"
"Yeah, we're safe here, relatively."
"And who knows if we'll find food on our way..."
The crowd started debatting the matter loudly. The Old One didn't chime in this time - she intended the herd to make this tricky decision. She let them discuss for a while until one discussion after another fell silent.
"Very well."
The herd dedicated their attention on the Old One, somewhat slower than they usually did though.
"I let you discuss this over because I do not like to make this decision myself. So let us vote on the matter."
The crowd seemed to appreciate her proposal.
"Everybody who thinks of doing the perilous journey may stay where they are. Everybody else may walk to those massive rocks." She pointed at a few rocks decorating the meeting place behind her.
"If you are not quite sure yet, walk to where I am currently standing. Further questions?"
The herd agreed, only one of the emergent females piped up.
"Will you vote too, Old One?"
"Of course! I like everybody here am a part of this herd albeit I am in the lead. I have casted my decision already but I will be the last of us to confess my opinion for you should not make your own decision on the basis of what I consider right. Well then, let the vote begin!"
The Old One was fairly convinced that her earlier speech had affected the herd's opinions to big enough a degree to assume that the majority would vote for staying. Luckily, most of them shared her views on many things, anyway. She was pleased to note that the vast majority made a pilgrimage to the rocks. Hardly anybody remained on their spots, nobody came to hers. Joining the majority, she proclaimed.
"The vote is valid! We will stay here. I hope that the minority can accept that as well."
The few dinosaurs that would have dared the journey, including Ali's Mother, nodded.
"Very well, the meeting is over! I only hope that the sleepstories will not vex us too badly."
The herds separated into several groups and walked off to different places to eat, drink or bath.
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Here we have Ali, her mum and the Old One. As you have probably already noticed, I haven't kept them in-character exactly. Tell me your thoughts, opinions, praise, critism... :angel

Next chapter's about Shorty & Bron.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on January 20, 2014, 01:05:18 PM
Interesting.  It seems that the gang's views on tolerance of other kinds has rubbed off on Ali.  Likewise, it looks like that Ali's brief taste of adventure in the Great Valley has made Ali somewhat contemptuous of herd life.  It will be interesting to see where this leads.  :yes

Just a few things that I noticed:

Quote
"Alright... ceasefire," Ali called, nerved. "Now that's why everyone was staring at me like that yesterday..."

I think that "truce" would be a better fit here than "ceasefire".  The term ceasefire presupposes firearms of some kind, which would not fit into a prehistoric setting.

Quote
"Well hello, you certainly look as restlessly as I do."

"restlessly" should be replaced with "restless" in this context.

Overall this is a good addition to the story.  Although I understand why the producers didn't add her in the tenth film, I always thought that it was a missed opportunity of sorts.  I look forward to seeing how the addition of Ali affects how the story develops.   :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 21, 2014, 02:59:20 PM
Thanks rhombus :)

I thought a rebellious side of Ali would really add something to her character (some pre-puberty insubordination ;))

Again, thanks for pointing out those little mistakes :)

The next chapter will be uploaded in the proofread form :angel
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 27, 2014, 11:01:50 AM
Chapter 3:

Shorty rolled around in his sleeping spot. He dreamed that he was able to fly and that many, many Longnecks in all shapes and forms were able to fly as well. They were heading to some place though Shorty didn't quite know where to. He only knew that it would be a lot of fun.However, it suddenly became sinister. The Bright Circle was surprisingly covered by black clouds looking like rings. They were moving towards the Circle that spent light and warmth. Shorty watched the event, eventually being forced to close his eyes since the Bright Circle shined too bright. He then opened his eyes again, seeing how the Bright Circle grew bigger and bigger onthe sky. Finally, the little, green Longneck uttered a short but shrill scream and awoke, panting...

The next morning, Shorty and Bron had a talk.
"Bron, tonight I had this sleepstory again..." Shorty whined.
"Yes, so did I, Shorty," Bron replied. "Say, do you feel as restless as I do?"
"Yes! As if I... had to go somewhere... Almost spooky..." Shorty said excitedly.
"The other Longnecks have this very sleepstory too, hence I plan to call a meeting to discuss this matter."
"Yeah, good idea."
Bron being the leader of the herd, leading them through the plentiful "Land of Daily Skywater", their home, stopped in his tracks.
"Listen everyone," he called. "Due to the matter of us having sleepstories every night, I hereby call a meeting to discuss further actions of this herd."
"The herd gathered around their leader in a wide circle. Shorty stayed with Bron for he didn't have any friends to play with, either within or outside the herd. Most of the children were too much older or younger than him to start someting with them. Bron began to talk.
"Y'all know this sleep story, don't you? I've heard many of you talking about this lately."
Bron's herd agreed.
"Good! Are you feeling so... restless lately? Especially after having had the sleepstory?"
Discussions spread.
"Alright, enough," Bron exclaimed afer some time. "I've just heard many of you talking about a certain feeling. As if you want to go to a certain place even though you have no clue where to go, isn't it?" Bron twinkled.
The herd agreed with their leader.
"Something great is going to happen. I feel it. And whatever it is, I want to see it, to be there."
Bron, being the daredevil and brave Longneck he was, made a jubilant gesture.
"At last, we’re gonna have an adventure! What do you think, guys?"
"Oh yeah, it's pretty boring here."
"But out there are many Sharpteeth..."
"I wanna see a sharptooth dare to attack a herd of this size," Bron snickered. "As long as we stay together as a herd, not a single Sharptooth will annoy us."
The startled dinosaurs were being convinced. Everybody would come along.
"Good, matter's discussed," Bron said, ending the meeting. "Now get some rest and eat your fill. We might have to deal with long periods of lack of food and water. When the Bright Circle enters the sky tomorrow, we'll start the journey."
The herd spread out. Since Sharpteeth prefered open terrain, Bron's herd was relatively save in their lands. Hardly any Sharpteeth dared to show their faces there. The far more dangerous packs didn't enter at all, mostly sticking to hunting in the wastelands.

In the evening, Shorty and Bron looked up at the lights in the sky. They did that whenever the lights weren't concealed behind shy puffies. They usually climbed one of the many hills to think. Shorty often thought about his family, about his brutal father, about his mother whom he never got to know and about his siblings whom he had to leave behind because they didn't want to join him. He sighed.
Bron thought about his family a lot too - about his mate who had been killed by the most dangerous known Sharptooth, about his parents in law who hopefully raised his little son and, obviously, about Littlefoot himself. He actually never completely abandoned the hope to find him one day although chances were very low.
He sighed as well.
"What is it?" they questioned each other, piping up at the very same moment. They broke into laughter.
"Was just thinking about Littlefoot, y'know..." Bron eventually explained, being the first to recover from their burst of laughter.
"I was just wondering whether all Longnecks experience the sleepstories," Shorty wondered.
"Because... if I was right, we might see our long-lost relatives, won't we?"
Bron’s mood suddenly lightened up.
"Shorty, you’re a genius!" he called - so loud in fact that some members of the herd jerked out of their sleep. He nuzzled Shorty.
Shorty grinned shyly. Although Bron tried to be like a father towards him, such moments of fondness  between them were rather rare; their relationship was more of a friendship-like nature.
"Wow, am I?" Shorty asked, chuckling.
"Why yes! I can't believe that I haven't come up with that myself although I have my head in the clouds all day," Bron snickered. "Now to answer your question, Shorty. If you ask me, it's fairly possible, if not likely, that we'll meet your mother, for instance. My parents in law used to be very brave, just like you and I are, thus I'm fairly confident that they take the efforts of travelling if their age lets them. That all is, provided they made it long ago..."
"What are 'parents in law'?" Shorty questioned, making a face.
"Oh, you call the parents of your love that. Mine are Littlefoot's Grandparents - my own parents have passed on a long time ago already."
"Okay, didn't know that."
"Be on the lookout for a girl with nice parents, I advise you out of experience," Bron chuckled.
"Will do! Do you think we'll meet Littlefoot too?"
"If only I knew..." Bron sighed. "If he has found his Grandparents after that earthshake and if his grandparents have made it out alive as well, he'll be there as well, probably.
"Yes, I still remember the time when you told me the story. His mother protected him from this Sharptooth and died in the battle... sad story."
Both drifted off into their own world of thoughts again.
"By the way... how am I supposed to find my mother if I have never seen her before?" Shorty wondered, puzzled. "I only know she's very tall. My dad didn't say much more about her. Mostly, that she was tall and beautiful..."
"If I spot a tall and beautiful female, I'll let you know, agreed?"
"Of course!"
After a short while, Shorty yawned.
"Guess it's time to head off. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day."
"Okay Bron, I'm tired anyway."
So they walked to their nest and fell asleep quickly. And of course they had the sleepstories again...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the next one, hope you enjoyed the read :)

The next chapter is a little shorter. Ali's at her thinking place, coming to a decision that has grave consequences for the story :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on January 28, 2014, 12:20:01 AM
This was quite a good addition to the story.   :yes I think that the conversation between Shorty and Bron is quite in-character for them and actually shows a bit more interaction between the two than what the tenth film indicated.  I consider that to be a good thing.

I only noticed a few minor mistakes:

Quote
"Now get some rest and eat your full. We might have to deal with long periods of lack of food and water. When the Bright Circle enters the sky tomorrow, we'll start the journey."

This should read "Now get some rest and eat your fill."

Quote
"What's it?" they questioned each other, piping up at the very same moment. They broke into laughter.

This should read "What is it?"

Quote
"Be on the lookout for a girl with nice parents, I advice you out of experience," Bron chuckled.

This should be reworded to say "I advise you out of experience."

Besides those minor issues I noticed no problems with this chapter.  I am very curious to see what decision Ali makes that will have grave consequences.  I look forward to your next chapter.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 03, 2014, 01:33:15 PM
Thanks for your constructive comments again :yes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 4:

After the quarrel with her mother, Ali ran to a small watering hole only she was aware of. Having arrived there, she plopped down on the floor right on the edge.
She saw her reflection in the calm water of the watering hole. Tears dripped into it, disturbing its calm surface. Tiny waves spread annularly, blurring her reflection.
Ali had to digest her wrath directed at her mother. What she had said regarding her friends, was everything but not nice. Why didn't the grown-ups understand that other kinds were worth as much as Longnecks? Moreover, Spiketails, Bigmouths, Flyers and Threehorns weren't a threat at all, provided they don't get offended which could end nasty, especially if Threehorns were involved.
Ali hadn't seen Littlefoot and his friends for what felt like an eternity, since the Old One had decided not to visit the Valley too soon due to the incidents back then. Ali had run away to find the rare Night Flower for Littlefoot's Grandfather along with Littlefoot himself. The elderly Longneck had suffered of a mysterious sickness. Luckily, the golden blooms cured the sickness. To Ali's misfortune, her behavior had broken the herd’s laws. Based on this, the Old One had decided to 'protect' Ali from further bad influences by those "Great Valley brats". Ali would cross the Big Water if it meant seeing her friends again. Only few young dinosaurs were part of the herd, and none of them wanted to deal with her.
She clinged to her memories of the journey to the Land of Mists with her friends. She remembered how she had met Littlefoot and later the rest of the Gang too (how could she possibly fail to remember Cera's aversion against her...). Ali thought about Littlefoot being the nicest of the group. Every game she played with the boy was hilarious. On top of that, she admired Littlefoot's bravery and she really liked him.
She thought about Ducky always being cheerful and funny and about her brother Spike whose hunger never seemed to cease being very friendly although he wasn't capable of talking, or not willing to.
She thought about the Flyer Petrie too who was pretty funny and nice as well as having a funny way of talking.
Last but not least, she thought about Cera whose friendship she had to earn by saving her life. She missed all of them a bunch, though she missed Littlefoot most. For some peculiar reason, a curious feeling established in her tummy whenever she was thinking about him, or moreover, imagining to play with him and the Gang.
The rate with which the tears left her eyes increased. Ali began to sob a little which wasn't odd at all, considering that she did it daily at these days. Her life was uneventful and predominated by the strict rules of the Old One. She didn't consider her wise at all.
Ali spent most of the time at her secret place, deep in thoughts or daydreaming, crying or simply being bored. She hardly felt real appetite, only eating for the sake of eating. Consequently, she was quite thin. She could hardly endure the time she was with her mother anymore. Ali really loved her but she was  unnerved all the time... Ali don't do that, Ali do that... it drove her nuts. To avoid those moments she spent as much time at her secret place as she could. Alone. Her only thought was how to get away from all this...
"Wait a minute!" she thought loud, ceasing the sobbing instantly. "THAT'S IT!!! I'll buzz off, I will! I will see what everybody won't and I will likely meet Littlefoot there."
She paid the feelings in her heart some attention and felt where to go. The young Longneck ate and drunk as much as she could because she might have to wait a long time to find food and water.
Without telling anybody where she was going, she wandered off - all alone into the outside world with its many dangers...
For the first time in ages, Ali felt truly happy...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quite a change of character Ali has gone through, isn't it? ;)

Next chapter will be about Bron/Shorty again...
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on February 03, 2014, 11:46:41 PM
Very nice chapter.  :yes I especially like how you depicted the Old One's herd of still retaining the xenophobia that was depicted in the first film.  In many cases where such a mindset is present, the simple witnessing of other races (or in this case, species) living together will not be enough to shake that engrained mindset  In fact, in some cases the prejudiced individuals may actually cling to their beliefs even as they are challenged on all sides.  The fact that the Old One interpreted Ali's journey with Littlefoot as a sign that the being with other kinds was a bad influence, as opposed to a sign of empathy and loyalty, is a clear sign of that.

I certainly hope that Ali finds some help in her travels.  Being a lone longneck child in the Mysterious Beyond is not an enviable position to be in.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: bushwacked on February 04, 2014, 09:50:11 AM
I liked this chapter too - even though it was a little shorter, it was still a nice insight into Ali's feelings, and it gives good reasons as to why she'd want to leave. I agree with rhombus about the xenophobia theme too, I always liked that angle in the first film and it's good to see it brought back here   :)

The only problem I had with this chapter (and it's not really a problem, more of a preference) is that if there's a a big, long block of writing, it's a little easier to read if there's a few paragraphs put in. Apart from that, nice job - looking forward to the next one  :D
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 04, 2014, 03:06:58 PM
Thanks :)

I wasn't quite sure where to put paragraphs... I usually do whenever there is a change of character (not the case here)... I'll see if I can add some of them... :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 17, 2014, 10:58:09 AM
Chapter 5:

The next morning, the herd gathered as the morning dawned. Bron, carrying Shorty on his back, wandered to the front of the herd.
"Are you ready?" he called, receiving a positive feedback. "Then let's wander off. Follow me!"
So they walked through their land towards their destination, following their instinct only. Nobody knew what their destination might look like and where it might be. They followed  their leader who seemed to know exactly where to go.
They needed a few days to leave the outskirts of their land having large dimensions. Then they trampled over grasslands that got drier and drier the more distance they walked. Eventually, they found themselves in a deserted area. The wasteland seemed to extend into eternity and offered neither food nor water at all.
Shorty was forcefully reminded of the time when the Land of Daily Skywater hadn't been his home yet. He remembered how Bron had found him - without protection and starving. He often had to get on without anything to eat or to drink for a long time. He feared he would have to soon.
"Bron?" Shorty questioned. "How long will we have to walk until the next source of food? Because I hate to be hungry."
"I can't tell you," Bron answered. "I have no clue where our destination is and if there's any food on our way, but I'll know when we've found it."
"You gotta know where we are, don't you?" Shorty asked in an attempt to dig deeper.
"Well, I know where we are right now, but since I don't know where we're heading, I can't give an answer, sorry."
"So the place gotta be somewhere you've never been yet?"
"I believe so. I honestly can't remember walking in that direction ever before."
"Ohh..." Shorty sighed, apparantly concerned.
"Well, going on an adventure does mean to wander to unknown lands and to master dangers. Though the dangers for the herd aren't so big because of our sheer number. No Sharptooth would dare this suicidal act of stupidity. "Though bigger groups of them might be a threat, don't worry as I know what to do."
Shorty remembered how Bron outfought four fully grown Sharpteeth on his own once.
"I feel save being with you, Bron," Shorty exclaimed. Bron smiled.
"Yes, there are also dangers nobody can outfight though. Do you know any, Shorty?"
Shorty quickly considered.
"Does not finding any food count as a catastrophy?" Shorty responded eventually.
"Can't you stop thinking about food?" Bron asked and rolled his eyes, amused. "I'm talking about earthshakes, smoking mountains and bad weather. We can't do anything against earthshakes for they just happen without any announcement of the catastrophy. Smoking mountains can be circumnavigated which is time consuming. Therefore, if we happen to come across one, we'll go straight forward. There are usually signs for bad weather but we can't really dodge it mostly since it usually covers big areas.
"I don't think about food all the time!" Shorty retorted.
"You won't starve, trust me," Bron snickered. "You're eating for two anyway so it'll probably last until we find an oasis."
Shorty still wasn't completely convinced by Bron's speech.
"I know a small valley a few daywalks from here. It'd be a big detour, unfortunately."
"Maybe we'll meet more Longnecks there?" Shorty piped up hopefully.
"Maybe... I'll ask the herd in the evening whether to walk the long way to have a snack or to take the straight way."
"Okay," Shorty simply replied, falling silent for the rest of the day.

In the evening, Bron called his herd to gather.
"We have two options now. There's a small valley not too far away where we could eat and drink. Chances aren't too bad that we might meet other Longnecks there who could join us if they want. The snag is that it's a huge detour. We'd lose some days if we didn't walk even faster. I don't want to expect too much from you but being there in time or our journey will be to no avail. What do you think?"
"I'm hungry so why not?"
"But we want to be there in time..."
"Yeah, whatever awaits us won't wait forever!"
The herd seemed to be separated. Bron couldn't recognise a clear majority...
"Okay. Since both parties seem to be relatively equal in numbers, we have two options: voting or separating. What do you prefer?"
"Bron?" Shorty asked in a whisper.
"Yes, Shorty?" the spoken-to murmured.
"What happens if we separate the herd?" What group will you lead?"
"Later..." Bron replied since he had to pay attention to the herd.
"Oh common!" Shorty whined.
Bron ignored the young one. Again, there wasn't a clear majority.
"Hmm.. alright. Let's vote whether we should separate the herd or not. If you wanna keep the herd together, walk to me, if you wanna separate it, go there." He pointed behind the crowd. While the dinosaurs 'voted', Bron called.
"Hey Shorty, you're eliged to vote as well."
Shorty was sulky but he voted nevertheless. In Bron's herd, children had the right to voice up their opinions too. Their voices had only half of the value of the grown-ups though.
Shorty walked to the 'separate herd' party whereas Bron would rather see his herd kept together.
Bron counted the two parties' numbers. His fear became truth: The 'separate herd' party was stronger in numbers.
"Well, well, you have cast a decision," he simply said. "I'll lead the group that goes the straight way since they're the smaller group. Besides I don't wanna miss that event. You'd better hurry if you wanna make it in time. Anyway, good night!"
His herd wished him a good night too.
Bron and Shorty chose a place to rest and layed down.
"Well, looks like we're going to separate," Bron said sheepishly.
"Yeah... but we gonna meet again soon," Shorty replied, grinning.
"Yeah, we gonna. Goodnight!"
"Night, Bron!"
All of them drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope the next two or three chapters won't be boring as there isn't any "real" action in them  :unsure: It'll get really interesting soon enough. That, I promise you :yes

Well, the next chapter... you'll see how Ali's doing and how the herd's going to react to her sudden disappearance. At the end, you'll get to know an OC of mine.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on February 17, 2014, 01:47:52 PM
I found this to be an interesting addition, as we get to see more of the herd dynamics in Bron's herd.  It will be interesting to see if Bron has any deputies who will be willing to manage the other group.  It seems to me that a moderately sized herd with no leader would be in serious trouble.

I look forward to the next installment.  :yes

Just a few corrections to note:

Quote
"Bron?" Shorty questioned. "How long will we have to walk until the next source of food? Because I hate to by hungry."

It should read "Because I hate to be hungry."

Quote
Though bigger groups of them might be a threat but therefore I became the leader:"

This sentence should probably be revised.  I understand what you were trying to convey but it doesn't seem to flow from the sentence.  Perhaps it could be rewritten as "Though bigger groups of them might be a threat, don't worry as I know what to do." or simply "We must still be careful, though, as bigger groups of them might be a threat."

Quote
Shorty remembered how Bron outfoughted four fully grown Sharpteeth on his own once.

It should read "Shorty remembered how Bron outfought four fully grown Sharpteeth on his own once.

But besides those few problems, I noted no other grammar or spelling issues.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 17, 2014, 02:06:11 PM
Oh, those are silly mistakes :lol Thanks for pointing them out, rhombus!

Don't worry about the part of the herd Bron won't lead... I have a well suited dinosaur who will lead them :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 24, 2014, 03:02:46 PM
Chapter 6:

Ali's euphoria didn't last long. Her short legs wouldn't carry her at a fast pace. Whereever she looked upon, was flat wasteland until beyond the horizon. Only in the far distance, were some mountains here and there. She was seemingly the only animated thing in this vast desert - she didn't see anything even though the sight was farly good. Ali felt as if walking day after day but not making any progress. Her legs were increasingly unwilling to push her little body forward with every day, her mouth and throat got drier and drier and her hope to ever meet Littlefoot again withered away. Hunger and thirst tormented her body and she was toasted by the Bright Circle at day whereas is was so cold at night that her paws were all numb. She constantly had to remind herself of her aim, and that she was more than willing to reach it. She wanted to be as far away from her mother as possible - for the moment, that was -, far away from the blasted, boring and strict herd and specially from that smart-brainy leader of them.
"At least I got away from that Old One..." she thought aloud on a day where a few Sky Puffies were covering the Bright Circle at times so the heat wasn't as ruthless as most of the time. The air wasn't shimmering as bad as she was used to hence her sight was somewhat greater. Ali scanned her surroundings. The day before, she had seen some funny rocks behind her. Some of them had colours the kind of rock she was aware of didn't have. At first, she didn't pay any further attention to them, presuming the heat to be the cause for this strange sighting.
At that day however, the rocks were still there and appeared to be much closer. Ali was intensely dehydrated and was endangered of dieing from water loss. She hardly made any progress anymore and she became exceedingly weak. In the evening, she was in pain. It was so terrible that Ali collapsed into the sand and started to cry desperately. Though her mother had always told her that crying made the thirst worse, she did nevertheless. Her encrusted eyes didn't produce any tears anyway.
Eventually, she fell asleep, freezing.

Obviously, Ali's disappearance wasn't unnoted for long. After Ali hadn't returned to her nest in the evening, a major search party was created. The whole following day, the herd combed through the valley discruntledly and turned every rock around to find her. Despite their efforts, Ali remained lost.
Her mother was sick of concern. She knew that her daughter ran away due to their fight. She must have thought about her friends and ran off to search the place that all Longnecks wanted to attend to witness the sketchy event. Littlefoot would probably be there... She was aware of the danger her daughter was in. Her journey would lead her through a vast wasteland. She would die of thirst or get eaten by a Sharptooth..
"Can't we send out a search party to go after her?"  Ali's Mother questioned despairingly.
"No! It would be too dangerous!" the Old One replied brusquely.
"Blast it! How can you be so heartless!?!" she shouted at the Old One.
"You may go to build the search party on your own," the old Longneck retorted. "Do I need to remind you of that time when your daughter violated our rules and put the herd into danger. If she doesn't come up with a good excuse, she'll be banished from the herd anyway. Don't look at me like that! You know the rules!"
"She's just a child..." she cried. "She wouldn't have beat it if I hadn't had to raise her with your stupid rules!"
"Enough!"the Old One ranted. "Your future in this herd is at a risk!"
Ali's Mother stormed away.
"I'm going to show her..." she talked o herself, making a decision...

"Be careful, no adventures," Bron told Shorty as his herd was about to separate. Bron would walk the straight way whereas Shorty would head to a nearby valley with the bigger half of the herd.

They wandered the whole next night to be at the valley in the next evening.
Utterly sourced up, they finally arrived there. The Great Circle was just about to leave the sky behind the mountains. The dinosaurs satisfied their thirst and they ate their full on the Treestars that could be found everywhere.
The Old One was everything but happy about that because her herd had to live from the food for a fair while.
"Hey! What gives you the right to eat our food?!" she barked at a few members of Bron's herd. A particularly threatening Longneck stepped to the front and answered the old Longneck's question with a smile.
"Nobody."
"What are you doing here in our valley?" she ranted, not impressed at all by the Longneck's muscles.
"How stupid do you think I am?!" he suddenly thundered. "You're obviously Farwalkers. You have no right to deny us to eat, just like we don't have any right to do that. So get out of our way and let my herd eat. We'll be gone by tomorrow again."
That left the Old One speechless. Never in her long life somebody had impeached her authority like that.
"Now... I beg your pardon!" she barked rudely.
"LISTEN MADEMOISELLE!!!" the Longneck roared, forcing the Old One to jerk. "If you try to prevent us from eating, you'll deeply regret it! Got it?"
"Yeah.." the old dinosaur mumbled, annoyed.
"Good!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next chapter will be about Ali's Mother, mostly. She'll do something that might surprise you... might :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on February 25, 2014, 12:50:13 AM
A very nice chapter.  :yes  I am really feeling for Ali here.  Dehydrated, hungry, and still angry at her herd, she is obviously in a very difficult situation.  Although I am glad to see that her mother is beginning to take action on her behalf, as any good mother would.

The only problems that I noticed were a few odd word choices:

Quote
Utterly sourced up, they finally arrived there.

I am not quite what is being communicated here.  Are you trying to say that the herd is utterly exhausted?  If so, then that would probably be the best way to word that sentence.

Quote
"Hey! What enables you to eat our food?!"

The words "what enables" should probably be worded as "what gives you the right".  Enables is not technically an incorrect word to use here, but it does sound odd in this context.

I look forward to the next chapter.   :yes In particular I am curious if Bron's herd is going to put the Old One in her place.  Well, more so then what they have done already in this chapter.  :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 25, 2014, 04:04:51 PM
Thank you for the kind words again :)

Quote
Are you trying to say that the herd is utterly exhausted?
Yep, that's what I was trying to get across :p
I'll gladly do the little rewording, thanks for pointing out :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on March 03, 2014, 03:31:12 PM
Chapter 7:

Ali's Mother planned to leave the herd at her own will because banished members were usually seriously beaten before being chased away.
She ate her full and drank more water than necessary. Hearing the quarrel between the Old One and the visitors at that, she was confirmed that her decision would be the right one. She wondered where the visitors would be heading. Probably to that strange place too.
"Wait a minute!" she suddenly called, talking to herself. "If they are wandering to that strange place, I'll join them."
After the quarrel was over - the Old One had lost much to her pleasure, she walked to the intimidating looking Longneck.
"Uhm, excuse me?" she piped up.
"Yes, please?"
"Do you mind me joining your herd? I don't feel confortable in my herd anymore," she explained, glaring at the Old One in the distance contemptuously.
"I'm not the leader of the herd, mind you. The herd had split up because some of us wanted to eat and drink something before we have to cross the huge desert.The leader's leading the group that took the straight way."
"So does this mean I can't join you?" Ali's Mother asked.
"Nah, 'cause you can! He emphatically said that all Longnecks we meet on our way may join us," he said, twinkling.
"Great! Thank you lots!"
"Don't mention it. I plead you to be up early in the morning though because we ought to hurry if we want to see what our sleepstories are telling us."
"Will do! See you tomorrow!"
"Have a good night!"
Ali's Mother actually bounced around on her way back to her nest.

When Ali had woken up in the next morning, she had more than just an inkling that it was over. She had failed. She would die of thirst pitifully. The worst thing was that it had been her very own decision to dare crossing the desert on her own. She had digged her own grave.
"Now it's too late,"she thought and gave it a try to get to her feet but she was too weak.
The Bright Circle became hotter and hotter. Ali felt her end approaching. She could only think of her mother and of one sentence that she repeated in mind repeatingly. "I'm so sorry, mother! I love you!"
Her eyes were closed slowly; Ali lost consciousness...

Bron's herd got up pretty early indeed the next morning. Before the Bright Circle had rosen into the sky, they had left the little Valley, fast paced.
The Old One spectated Ali's Mother taking her leave with a serious face.
Ali's Mother knew that she was doomed to death, should she ever cross paths with her former herd again which also applied to Ali. The Old One was evil. The other members of the herd were too unsophisticated to get that. But she was sophisticated, swearing to be a better mother to Ali.
"We got to hurry!" the Longneck called. "We want to be there in time, don't we?"
"And I can find my little Ali again faster," Ali's Mother muttered. She had told him the story behind Ali's disappearance and the Old One's scheming.
"How big is the young one's head start?"
"I've last seen her four days ago in the morning which doesn't mean she ran off right away."
"Ah okay."
"You know, the Old One had ordered to raise Ali the way she considered it best. Some time ago, she made a few friends. She had befriended a Longneck boy by the name Littlefoot. The boy's friends, however, weren't Longnecks like us but Ali still befriended them too.  The Old One had ordered that I must teach her that this "All kinds are equal" way of thinking is utterly wrong. This caused a lot of arguing between my daughter and me. We did have a major quarrel in the morning of the day she ran away; Ali had stormed off stubbornly. Recently, she withdrew more and more and I have seen her crying a couple times. She clearly had felt bad. She didn't have any friends in the herd, not only because there are hardly any kids at all. I know my daughter! She went off all alone to meet her friends... Oh my brave Ali!"
"My, I don't like this Ancient One at all! Well, now you're here," he said, offering a weak smile.
"Yeah, luckily you came by."
"Uhm.. don't want to be curious but you said her friend's name was Littlefoot?"
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"Well... Bron, our leader, had lost his family during a severe earthshake a long time ago. His mate was killed by a Sharptooth that simultaniously attacked her. She was trying to protect her son -Littlefoot. His grandparents may have survived but they were certainly separated from Littlefoot. Bron had turned around every rock but he couldn't find them. His only hope that Littlefoot is still alive is that he had made it to the Great Valley, somehow. If you're talking about his Littlefoot, he'll boggle!"
"Ali's friend does live in the Great Valley and the parents in law of your leader do too - that was when we last visited of course."
"He'll look forward to meeting you, be assured of that," the Longneck mused.
"Yeah!" Ali's Mother snickered. "What's your name by the way?"
"I'm Willie. What's your name?"
"My name is Fiona."
"Honey, are you coming?" a voice called out of the crowd.
"Oh, my mate... excuse me, we'll chat another time."
"That's okay. See you!"
"Yeah, see you, Fiona."

For the next few days, the herd followed Ali's tracks.
Ali's Mother had many chats with Willie and other herd members which diverted her a bit from the fact that her daughter was out there, somewhere. All alone and struggling to survive.
 
One evening - the grown-ups had become fairly hungry and specially thirsty in the meantime though they, other than Ali, were still far away from drying out, Fiona believed to see a tiny dot in the distance.
As the Bright Circle had finally disappeared beyond the horizon, she caught a faint cry with her ears.
"Can we send out a small search party?" Ali's Mother questioned. "I believe to have seen my daughter earlier and I just heard a distant cry."
"Listen everybody!" Willie called. "Little Ali just had been spotted! To catch up with her earlier, some of you will escort Fiona here, walking throughout the night. As soon as you have caught up with her, you wait for us to catch up with you. We'll get up when the first bit of light enlightens the morning sky and pick up our speed!"
He glanced at Ali's Mother expectantly having in mind that she should take the responsibility for the little expedition.
"A-alright! Who would like to accompany me?" she called and scanned the crowd.
At first, nobody answered, but as the Longnecks saw her desperate tears, four females and a fairly old male showed some mercy and offered their support.
"Very good! Thank you lots!" she let her companions know. "Let's find Ali!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No, don't die Ali!!! :p

Will she make it? See on next Monday when chapter 8 will be installed :exactly
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on March 03, 2014, 10:11:15 PM
Nice addition.  :yes I hope that Ali can make it.  It is nice to see that Bron's herd, which is made of many longneck species, is more welcoming of newcomers than the Old One's herd.  It is also interesting to see that Bron now has a hint that his son is still alive.

I noticed no real problems in this installment with grammar or spelling issues.  I can't wait until next Monday to see what happens next.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on March 10, 2014, 10:55:04 AM
Cool :) I'm glad you liked it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 8:

As the Bright Circle was high on the sky, Fiona saw what she had been believing to have seen the previous evening. A tiny, pink cloured body lied on the ground in some distance, unmoving.
"There she is!" she informed her escort who were as tired as she was and sourced up. "If we hurry, we'll arrive at her body prior to the worst heat."
"I hope it's not too late!" one of the females exclaimed.
"Hopefully..." Fiona replied shakily. "Let's pick up some speed!"
Her companions agreed eagerly, walking as fast as their legs would carry them...

The herd continued their journey when the dawn arrived. They followed the small search party. Despite their markably increased pace Willie set, they wouldn't arrive at the "little dot" before late afternoon when the Bright Circle would have passed its highest position already.
After a while, a young Longneck asked Willie a question nobody had thought about so far.
"Hey Willie! Important question!"
"What is it, Shorty?" Willie barked back surly. He had never liked Bron's kid and the big efforts and the unbearable heat that would become even more severe weren't really helping to lift his mood.
"What does it help us to find this girl that has run away from her mother, if she'll dry out anyway?"
"Why do you think she's no chance of surviving?"
"Well, do you see a single drop of water around here? Even if we get her in time we can't offer her something to drink so she'd die sooner or later, right?"
"I got to admit that you're pretty smart considering your young age! If only you weren't behaving so bad and being so naughty, we'd get along well."
"Oh, ehm... thanks!"
"I have an idea how we might scrape up some water already."
"That would be?"
"Some members of the herd had lived around here a long time ago. Back then, it was fairly dry, admittedly, but there were still rivers and watering holes, offering enough water and food to get along.The rivers had dried up completely and the watering holes had been buried by sand. Their water, though, should be still there... So if we discover such a ancient watering hole, then we could move away all the sand and there we go. The water would be dirty, unfortunately, but it's still better than no water at all."
That'd be awesome!" Shorty exclaimed excitedly.
"Yeah, that would be indeed. See those rocks over there, Shorty?"
Shorty nodded in acknowledgement.
"When I had wandered through this a dozen Cold Times ago, there was still a small watering hole. If we want to find water, this place is most likeliest to offer us a little water."
"Okay, that sounds like a plan!"
"We need to change our course a little bit towards the rocks but still somewhat to the missed girl!" he called out loud so his part of the herd would certainly acknowledge his words.

The elderly Longneck accompanying Fiona thought alike Shorty. He too wondered about how to get water for the poor girl. After all, there wasn't any water around. Or so they thought...
There were some buried lakes in the vast, barren land one of them being only one day of walking away.
'Wonder if Willie remembers the watering holes...' he thought.

About one hour before the Bright Circle had reached its highest position in the sky the small group arrived at Ali's lifeless body.
"Ali!" Fiona wailed desperately. "Ali, oh Ali!" She started to sob uncontrolledly.
Her escort observed the girl gingerly.
"I believe it's not too late yet," one of them called.
"That's your fault, Old One, YOUR FAULT!!!" Fiona cried not having heard the call.
"Yes, the little one is still breathing weakly. Difficult to see..." the old male mused.
"HUH!?! She-she is al-alive?" Fiona stuttered in misbelief.
"Yes, she is," the Longneck who had made the statement in the first place responded.
"Th-that w-w-wonderf-f-ful!" Ali's Mother stammered.
"Quite," the elderly male stated. "Here's something that might be of your particular interest." Everybody gazed at him.
"I know where to find water..."

Willie was relieved to acknowledge that the small search group was apparently aware of the water since they, like the major part of the herd, were heading towards the supposed dried up watering hole.

Late in the evening - the Bright Circle had disappeared beyond the horizon a while before already - the herd caught up with Fiona's group. They were already fast asleep for they didn't have any sleep in the previous night.
Ali had been put onto Fiona's back. She was very close to dieing, starved and totally dehydrated. Her body had shut down any functions to a minimum, otherwise she had died already.
The Longnecks chose their sleeping spots for the night, falling asleep very quickly due to the fast paced wandering.
Shorty was still awake however. He had to think about his family for he felt lonely, utterly lonely...
Although Bron was somebody taking care of him - often being more careful than he liked, he had never been like a true father. Though his father by blood had been far, far worse... Nevertheless, Shorty missed Bron. Though having failed to fit into the role of a father, he had always been there for Shorty. The young one was used to sleeping beside him. Since they had separated, he slept poorly. Also, he missed the evenings they used to spent together watching the lights in the sky and pursuing their thoughts.
He wholeheartedly wished to see his mother and considered what to do if he didn't meet her. In fact, he didn't know. He only knew he would be saddened and disappointed. Littlefoot, Shorty wanted to get to know too.
The young Longneck wondered how his siblings had been doing all this time. Hopefully, he would see them again as well. One day.
Slowly but continuously, the thinking made him drowsy and soon he found himself closing his eyes having been able to settle down at last.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here, I actually decided to merge two short chapters together since they were really short in comparison to the first two chapters for example. I have withdrawn from writing chapters that are considerably shorter than 1000 words. I only make exceptions for the sake of having powerful cliffhangers ;)

In chapter 9, Shorty will do something that will have a high significance later in the story :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on March 11, 2014, 06:27:33 PM
So they have found Ali, but she is at death's door. :(  Well, I suppose the previous chapter pretty much indicated that would be the case.  What I especially liked about this chapter was the focus, towards the end, on Shorty's thoughts concerning Bron.  His introspection on Bron not exactly being fatherly, but at the same time being far more of a father than his birth father, really elaborated upon Shorty's lack of a good male role model in his life.  This helps us to better relate to his 'tough guy' persona that he has developed as a defense mechanism.  Overall, a very good addition.  :yes

The only thing that I would mention is that there are some issues in one of the last sentences of the chapter.

Quote
Ali had been put onto Fiona's back. She was very close to dieing, starved and totally dehydrated. Her body had shut down any functions of her body to a minimum, otherwise she had died already.

The two occurrences of "her body" are a bit redundant.  Likewise, a would needs to be added to the last statement.  so it would read something like this:

"The functions of her body had shut down to a minimum, otherwise she would have died already."

Other than that, I noticed no major difficulties.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on March 11, 2014, 07:09:24 PM
Quote
So they have found Ali, but she is at death's door. sad.gif Well, I suppose the previous chapter pretty much indicated that would be the case. What I especially liked about this chapter was the focus, towards the end, on Shorty's thoughts concerning Bron. His introspection on Bron not exactly being fatherly, but at the same time being far more of a father than his birth father, really elaborated upon Shorty's lack of a good male role model in his life. This helps us to better relate to his 'tough guy' persona that he has developed as a defense mechanism. Overall, a very good addition. in-yes.gif
Thank you very much :)
Yes, Ali's situation is worrysome... There will be a possible way to rescue her from certain death of dehydration but... *spoiler* Well, it'll be weird (at least I think it's not something you'd expect).
Anyway, I'm happy that you liked the last paragraph :) Shorty's thoughts about Bron will change considerably later in the story.
As for Shorty being a "tough guy", you'll see how "tough" he actually is in the next chapter, yep, yep, yep.

Also, thanks for pointing out these small mistakes again (I know I'm saying that in every reply to your reviews :angel)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on March 17, 2014, 07:00:33 PM
Warning: There is some violence in this chapter, just saying :exactly

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+

Chapter 9:

The herd continued their journey prior to dawn so that they would arrive at their destination before the Bright Circle would have risen to her highest position, torturing poor Ali with its brutal heat.
When Shorty managed to get a look on Ali during their long trek, he was terrified. The girl looked worse than he had imagined. Cadaverous and dried out, she looked like a corpse rather than a living creature. Nonetheless, Shorty puzzled about her eye-colour. He had to admit that the girl was sort of pretty despite her terrible state. Somewhat bemused, he began to run to argue with two of the little Longnecks he had once protected bravely.
The little ones haven't ever expressed their appreciation for his efforts in his book. Besides, Shorty simply loved to order them around or to bully them out of pure pleasure. As he had approached them enough, he raised his tail and flicked a pebble which hit one of the little ones at the back of his head. The little Longneck fell over and began to bawl in pain.
Shorty hid inbetween some herd members not to be caught by the adoptive mother of the little one. Nonetheless, she was aware of the malefactor for Shorty did such things regularly. Bron's authority prevented Shorty from getting punished for his misbehavior. Mostly, his adoptive father would criticise him and leave it at that which Shorty wasn't impressed by at all.
The female grabbed her son and placed him on her back where he stopped crying soon.
After a couple minutes, Shorty dared to show his face again. He ran towards the other young Longneck, a girl being black as the night. Shorty kept teasing her about that.
"Hey Shadow!" he called over to the girl.
The jetblack girl ignored Shorty.
"Been falling into a tar pit, eh?" Shorty continued to provoke her.
"Leave me alone!" she called.
"Leave me alone!" Shorty mimiced her. "I can do what I want, got it?!"
"Nope, you can't!" she argued.
"So what, eh???" Shorty said threateningly. "Who says anyway?"
"My dad. Scoot now!"
"I didn't hear the magic word," Shorty chuckled smugly.
"Leave me alone, you jerk!" she screamed.
"What've ya just said, you ugly daughter of a tar pit?!" Shorty whispered and pushed her.
"TAKE THAT BACK!!!" she roared, returning the push.
The push of the girl was exactly what Shorty tried to achieve. Now having an excuse to physically attack her, he rammed into the girl, throwing her to the ground. Groaning, the physically inferior girl tried to defend her skin but Shorty was too violent. He kicked, bit and beat the little one until she remained lying on the ground, snivelling.
"Seeya later, cry-hatchling!" Shorty called and snickered spitefully. As a parting gift, he flicked a rock of the size of a egg and striked straight into her face. A small bleeding injury resulted in it.

When the Bright Circle had eventually reached a high position in the sky, they arrived at the place where Willie presumed water to exist. Of course, they couldn't see the water though.
"I can't see water!" somebody bitched.
"Now we've wandered around for nothing!" another Longneck complained.
"Calm down..." Willie spoke. "Don't worry. The water will be there. Now we have to dig it out. The deeper we dig, the more sand and dirt we push away, the wetter the dirt will get until we encounter the water, eventually," he explained. Though, he wasn't completely assured it would be there still...
"So how long will it take us?" a member of the herd asked.
"Until we have freed the water..." Willie answered. "I can't say how much time that will need, however."
"I beseech you... don't discuss but dig!" Fiona demanded, disdraught. She was sick of her concern for her girl. She would do everything to allow Ali to open her wonderful, brightly blue eyes again. Actually, Ali was such a beautiful girl in her eyes that Fiona was surprised to see Ali still being unconquered by the other sex. She was certain that her daughter would break some hearts throughout the process of growing up.
"Wait a moment! Hasn't Ali fallen in love herself already? with Littlefoot?" she thought. "A possibility; after all, Ali did and does miss her friends from the Great Valley..."
The herd began to clear away the dirt by usage of their feet, necks and tails, though they were doing it grudgingly.
Fiona just wanted to help them as Willie stepped into her way.
"You should get some rest and carry yout daughter out of the heat. We'll do fine. Let's hope that the help doesn't come too late..."
"But... okay," she agreed and walked to the high mountain that towered over the scenery. It offered her some protection from the burning rays of the Great Circle.
Again, she took the opportunity to think. All events were her fault alone! If only she had left the herd earlier! If only she had educated Ali the way she considered right and not the way the Old One did! If only, if only, if only... If her daughter made it - she was confident she would despite all the anxiety and distress she was suffering off, she would be a much better mother. She would be a mother Ali could love again, a mother not preventing her from having fun as long as there wasn't danger and a mother only wanting the best for her little one! Ali was tired of the dull life in a herd. Continously wandering around, changing location which prevented her from making and keeping contact to friends - her friends in the Great Valley being the only ones she had, constantly being in danger and, of course, obeying the leader, wasn't what Ali desired. Therefore, at that very moment, she sweared to settle down in the Great Valley with Ali. This heavenly place was almost impossible to break in for Sharpteeth since the high mountains, that bordered the utterly hospitable, green, lush and highly populated valley as a sort of wall, prevented them from breaking in. Ali could grow up with her friends in peace there - just what she had desired since an eternity.
Gingerly, she grabbed her hardly recognisable daughter from her back and placed her on the ground just as gingerly. She unflaggingly stared at her daughter for some time. Tears created small craters in the ground that was being baked by the Bright Circle every day. Although she watched her daughter for a long time, she couldn't see her life signs. She knew that Ali was in a pre-death state due to severe lack of liquid in her body. Outerly, she appeared to be dead but innerly her body was still circulating her blood very, very slowly. Without help, she had no chance to wake up from this suspended animation. Ali seemed to be in this state, Fiona hoped. That it was not too late yet...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yeah, as you can see, Shorty got a little violent here. As you will see, this will be very important later. Hope you like the little insight on Ali's Mother :)

I'm not yet sure if I can manage to upload the next chapter next week... you'll see eventually :) It'll be nothing special though Bron will have a rather interesting scene.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on March 20, 2014, 12:38:29 AM
This was a very good addition.  I especially liked how you elaborated upon Shorty's shortcomings in this chapter.  He has not yet gone through the character growth that we saw in the tenth film, but is still bullying the other children.  The fact that Bron's favoritism is preventing Shorty from being brought into line also shows a weakness in Bron's character as well.  Perhaps he is giving favorable treatment to Shorty, because he reminds him of the son that he had for so long believed to be dead?  Either way, it will be interesting to see how that subplot resolves itself.  Likewise, Fiona's thoughts on the situation were expressed quite nicely.   :yes

I only noticed three very minor issues:

Quote
The herd continued their journey prior to dawn so that they would arrive at their destination before the Bright Circle would have rosen to her highest position, torturing poor Ali with its brutal heat.

This should read "...the Bright Circle would have risen.."

Quote
Cadaverous and dried out, she looked like a corpse rather than like a living creature.

The second like should be omitted, so that it reads: "she looked like a corpse rather than a living creature."

Quote
"Wait a moment! Hasn't Ali fallen in love herself already? in Littlefoot?"

The last sentence should be modified to read:  "With Littlefoot?"

Overall, however, the issues are mainly cosmetic and did not affect the flow of the story.  In fact, the various forms of "risen" (and especially "awake" in my case) which are used depending on whether the sentence is in the past or present tense, or active or passive form, still cause me trouble as well, and I am a 30-year old native English speaker.  :lol I have been guilty of making some notable errors in my story involving those words that I have only found due to proofreading several times.  :yes

I look forward to seeing how Ali gets out of her current predicament.  She is obviously very dehydrated and as a result her blood pressure has dropped and she will have a fast, thready pulse that may be undetectable.  Even if she were to be suddenly rehydrated, a medium-term delirious state and neuromuscular problems could result due to an electrolyte imbalance.  I hope that they give her help soon, otherwise Ali may be in store for some serious medical complications.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on March 20, 2014, 02:56:14 PM
Thanks for the review :)

Quote
Perhaps he is giving favorable treatment to Shorty, because he reminds him of the son that he had for so long believed to be dead?
Well, not exactly what I had in mind but it's a good reason for Bron's relaxed education style. As you will see, Bron will be forced to change that behavior later on. Though I don't want to give away too much ;)
Quote
Either way, it will be interesting to see how that subplot resolves itself.
I'm not sure whether my idea will be liked... Let's just say it will become... darker  :angel

"rise" is tricky indeed :smile Thanks for pointing out as always :yes

As for Ali... I won't go into detail. Since a lot of events occur within a short time, I decided to rush the rest of the journey a bit. They will have reached their destination in a few chapters.

The next chapter is probably only proofread by myself so there may be a slightly higher amount of issues :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on March 24, 2014, 02:56:37 PM
Chapter 10:

Even in the late evening, when the Bright Circle had long since disappeared beyond the horizon, the Longnecks hadn't been able to dig out any water. The sand they were unremittingly loosening up and shifting away had only become slightly moister. Though Willie wasn't a guy that resigned early...
Until late in the night, the Longnecks drudged. Fiona eventually joined them despite Willie trying to convince her to get some well needed rest.
In the following morning, they kept digging. Ali still wasn't showing any signs of life, although she was still alive according to some elderly Longnecks.
After a while, one of them exclaimed. "Is it just me or is the sand getting wetter?"
"Longnecks! Free the water first so we can finally save young Ali. You may increase the hole's sides later!" Willie called over to them and started to work himself.
In the evening, the miracle had been accomplished: At last, they possessed some water, although it rather looked like dirt.
"Let the little girl drink now," Willie spoke. "We'll increase the hole's size afterwards so that all of you can have a well deserved drink."
Fiona gingerly grabbed Ali and placed her within the brown puddle in a way that the water could flow into the young one's mouth. Nothing happened for minutes. Some of the herd members chatted in a whispering tone; most of them awaited something to occur.
Shorty stood on the top of the dirt and sand wall that had been build up around the hole. As if petrified, he watched the girl drink. He saw her swallowing the water so she had to be alive. Nevertheless, he knew that her survival wasn't yet secured...

After Fiona had carried her daughter to a safe place, she wandered along between the still toiling members of the herd to tell everybody whom she met how much she appreciated their efforts until the old Longneck that had been a part of the search commando told her something that really made her thoughtful.
"Why no problem, dear lady. Nothing that you wouldn't have done for somebody in need as well, am I right?"
Fiona was surprised mainly because she wasn't used to this kind of attitude but also because the herd didn't even want anything in return... They had risked their lives, the success of their journey for a complete newby in the herd. For that, she would be forever grateful. Having returned to the body of her daughter that already showed slight signs of life, she considered staying with the herd until she finally fell asleep, dreaming the familiar dream another time...

Bron looked into the sky. Not a single Sky Puffy blocked his view at the moon, stars and meteors that occasionally jetted through the sky. The adult Longneck remembered many events of his childhood... particularly meeting his big love, the mother of his son...
Bron sighed. Life could be perfect if they were still by his side; they could be a perfect family. "You have to accept what the Great Circle of Life is going to bring us," a familiar voice said. He had been still in the Time of Big Growing when he was taught about the Great Circle of Life. By that time, he was already friends with his mate so he obviously knew her parents as well. When his mother had passed on back then, the mother of his girlfriend, later known as Grandma Longneck, who was his mother in law, had told him about it. Bron didn't like the message back then and he still could live without it fairly well but he did accept it. Life wasn't always easy for everyone, some dinosaur would always suffer of something.
Bron's mind moved on to a more pleasant topic. The other day, he had spotted a little forest that grew on the flanks of a fairly high mountain range that the Longnecks would likely have to cross to get to their destination. Now, he just had to wait for the other part of his herd to arrive here.. They'd spot the high mountains and the green food for sure, especially after such a long period without any green stuff around...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's some hope for Ali now :) Of course I wouldn't have killed her :angel

The next chapter will be a little rushed for the reasons I stated in my last post. It'll deal with the reunion of the two herd parts, the reunion of Bron and Shorty :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on March 25, 2014, 12:34:10 AM
Finally things are beginning to look up for poor Ali.  :yes  I also liked how you elaborated on Fiona's thoughts about the selflessness of the other longnecks.  The fact that she did not expect such altruism says quite a lot about her previous herd.

With regards to the story, I only found a few mistakes.

Quote
At last, they possessed some water, albeit it rather looked like dirt.

The "albeit" should probably be replaced with "although" in this context.

Quote
"You have to accept what the Great Circle of Life is going to bring us,"


You need to revise the second italics symbol with a "/" so that it appears in italics.

And this statement perplexed me:

Quote
Bron looked into the sky. Not a single Sky Puffy blocked his view at the moon, stars and starships that occasionally jetted through the sky.


Did you mean meteors, by any chance?  Otherwise, I have to suppose that Earth is right next to a major trade corridor for whatever alien species the Rainbowfaces were.  :p

Overall, however, a nice (albeit brief) addition to the story.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on March 31, 2014, 01:36:25 PM
Thanks for the review again. I'm happy that at least you are reviewing my work. Feedback is rare these days, sadly :(

Quote
Did you mean meteors, by any chance? Otherwise, I have to suppose that Earth is right next to a major trade corridor for whatever alien species the Rainbowfaces were. dino_tongue.gif
Oh damn! :DD I always thought starships are meteors... shouldn't translate certain words too literally :angel Thanks for pointing out, yep, yep, yep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 11:

They stayed one more day to make sure Ali wouldn't run out of water too soon again. Besides, Ali wasn't the only thirsty Longneck.
Bron eventually sent back one of his strongest fighters in order to find and lead the bigger group to him.
Five days after Bron had found the forest, the herd was reunited at last. The whole time, Ali hadn’t shown any signs of consciousness but one could clearly tell she was still alive; she probably just needed some food to regain her senses.
Nevertheless, Bron planned to move early in the following morning. They had already lost enough valuable time...

"Shorty! Nice to see you again!" Bron called in a comradely way.
"Bron! How you've been?" Shorty answered.
"I have to admit it was kinda boring without any Sharpteeth attacking," Bron mused. "And without you of course."
"I can tell, we haven't been under attack either," Shorty said.
"Alright then, I'm glad you're all fine. Now we can finally get to move over these mountains."
"Do we have to?" Shorty retorted. "These mountains look murderous."
"It's a major shortcut. Since we need to make up for the slowness of your group, it's the only option." Bron explained.
"Don't you think you should ask the herd first?" Shorty spoke carefully.
"No, they're gonna make it over these mountains undoubtedly so there's no point in calling for  another meeting."
"Well, I assume you know what to do..." Shorty muttered.
"Yes, I do," Bron answered. "Why did you take so long anyhow?"
"Well, that's a long story..." Shorty mused.
"Would you mind telling me about it?" Bron questioned the green boy.
"You'd make me tell you anyway so yeah, I'm gonna tell you about it," Shorty answered cooly. Both had to suppress laughter.
"Being the leader I am, I could make you tell me indeed..." Bron joked.
"Anyway, so at that place that had food and water, we've met a strange herd of Longnecks. Their leader was acting really offensive. One of them joined our group. Her daughter had run off from their leader, as it seemed, so she was wandering around in the wasteland. By the time we picked her up, she was almost dead. Fortunately, Willie knew where to get some water..."
"The dried up watering holes..." Bron mumbled.
"You got it! Anyway, we dug a hole deep enough to get water for the little girl and increased its size so that everybody could get a drink. We eventually got to move when the girl seemed to have drunk enough water. Then your envoy spotted us and lead us to this forest."
"You were serious when you said you've been bored, weren't you?" Bron wondered.
"Well, it WAS boring most of the time since we were simply wandering through a bloody wasteland," Shorty responded.
"Okay then... What do you think about them?"
"Well, I haven't really spoken to the adult. About the girl, I can only say that... well, that she's beautiful. I hope she'll be alright soon."
"Okay. How's the girl's recovery going then?"
"Well, they gave her water and food right when we arrived here... She's still unconscious and sunburned in a nasty, nasty way. Her whole skin is sore and burned."
"Yikes! Poor girl..."
"Yeah.. not to mention how thin she is..."
Both fell silent. Soon they settled down for the night, so did the herd.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright, another rather short chapter :angel Chapter length will increase in a few chapters (up to 2500 words or so :p)

In the next chapter, you are going to see how Bron meets Fiona. You can guess what happens I think :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on April 01, 2014, 12:58:25 AM
So now Bron's herd has finally been reunited and he has found out about Ali's plight. A rather short chapter, but it does set things up so that the plot can continue to move forward.  :yes

There were a few things that I noticed:

Quote
"It's a major shortcut. Since we need to make up for your group's slowniness, it's the only option." Bron explained.

"Slowniness" should be replaced with "slowness" or "tardiness".

Quote
Their leader was acting really offending.

"offending" should be replaced with "offensive".

Overall, I rather liked the rapport between Bron and Shorty that has been depicted in this story thus far.  It is almost the kind of interaction that one would expect between a nephew and an uncle as opposed to father and son.  However, this is reasonable on account of how Shorty and Bron met and the fact that Bron has not formally "adopted" Shorty as of yet.  It is also reasonable that Shorty would not want to submit to a traditional father-son relationship on account of his relations with his actual father.  He is displaying the mannerisms in many ways of a "street-wise" kid who had too learn to grow up way too fast, and thus he is mature in some ways but is also very immature in others.  I am unsure if this is what you were going for in your depiction of him, but nonetheless it fits very well.  :yes

I look forward to the next installment.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 08, 2014, 05:34:48 PM
I'm one day late, sorry. Needed to read through the proofreading I got send at the weekend (thank you bushwacked :smile)

You sum up their relation pretty well, actually. You could indeed see Shorty like a kid that grew up on the streets... His past will become the more important the more progress the story has...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 12:

The next morning, Bron gathered the herd and lead them into the mountains. He just felt that, despite the efforts it brought along, it was the right way to go and many members of his herd seemed to think alike.
Fiona had given her daughter water and food and gathered some food so Ali could eat for the next few days. Water would be easy to get in the mountains since they could simply eat snow. Ali didn't show any signs of consciousness nevertheless.
While they were climbing a mountain, Bron searched for Fiona to get to know her.
"Fiona, is that you?" He questioned a Longneck that looked just like Shorty had described her.
"Yes, I am Fiona, who are you?" Fiona replied.
"I'm Bron, the leader of this herd," Bron introduced himself. "And this poor girl on your back is..."
"Ali, my daughter," Fiona answered.
"I've heard rumors about her story, are they true? I'd like you to tell me the story, if you don't mind."
"Sure, I will tell you everything."
With that Fiona began to tell Bron the story from the beginning to the end. Bron listened eagerly, gasping and nodding from time to time.
"Oh my, it's a miracle your daughter's still alive..." Bron exclaimed when Fiona had finished.
"I didn't believe she'd make it at all anymore and I'm still not completely sure whether she'll be alright anytime soon," Fiona replied.
"I'm sure she will recover eventually," Bron affirmed.
"I hope so..." Fiona sighed.
"Anyway, you talked about friends of Ali in the Great Valley... When you've been there, have you met two elderly Longnecks there?"
"Yes, my daughter helped to save the male from a nasty sickness along with her friends among whom was the nephew of the old Longneck."
"Okay, and do you remember the name of his nephew???" Bron got extremely excited.
"His name is L-L-Littlef-f-foot..." a voice whispered.
"ALI!" Fiona called in joy. "I can't tell you how glad I am hearing your sweet voice again!"
"LITTLEFOOT!? Seriously???" Bron screamed bursting in excitement.
"Yes, but would you please be quieter?" Ali responded.
"Oh yes, I'm sorry.." Bron said, ashamed of his uncontrolled behavior. " You must know that I have been searching for a better place to live for my mate, my parents in law and my unborn son. However, a powerful earthshake destroyed everything. My mate died in a battle with a Sharptooth as I've been told and I don't know if anyone else has made it out of it alive. They were heading for the Great Valley that I was trying to find. I, however, found a different place that offered plenty of water and food as well. I searched for them for a long while but I couldn't find them so I went to the place I found. On my way, many others joined me. That way, I became the leader of my herd, something I never wanted to be. But as the time went by, I discovered that I'm indeed a suitable leader. Anyway, when you told me that my parents in law and my son are probably still alive, I got a little too excited. After all this time... it would be so cool to meet my family again..."
"Oh, that's quite a tale," Fiona exclaimed in awe. "So Littlefoot is your son?"
"Yes..." Bron replied, smiling shily.
"I didn't know Littlefoot has a father..." Ali said.
"I bet he isn't aware of that either," Bron admitted.
"Are you mad at me mum?" Ali questioned.
"I am mad at you for almost dying. Do you actually know how close you were to death?"
Ali nodded in shame.
"I think the pain you will have for quite some time will prevent you from running off in the future."
"Yes mum, I'm sorry. I know it was utterly wrong," Ali admitted.
"Nonetheless, I owe you a huge thanks for opening my eyes."
Ali's saddened face turned into a smiling one.
"I finally realised how wrong the Old One's views on certain things were, including educating you."
"You mean..."
"Yes, we aren't going to return. We will join Bron's herd for the time being and travel to the place our sleep stories lead us to," Ali's Mother stated.
"That's cool, mum!" Ali called happily.
"We might meet your friend there, just saying..."
"Whoo!" Ali celebrated.
"That makes two of us I suppose," Bron chuckled. "Three counting my adopted son..."
"Who is that?" Ali asked.
"I stumbled across a few orphaned, little Longnecks during my long search and Shorty was the only one that wasn't adopted later so I adopted him. He's quite a flatterer, I’m warning you."
"Hehe, I'm sure we'll get along well," Ali snickered.
"Now, you better rest dear," Fiona suggested. "You're very weak so you need time to recover. Eat a few treestars and try to sleep some more."
"Yaaaaaaaaaaawn! Will do."
Ali consumed a few treestars and fell asleep easily.
"I gotta go now, I see a crossroads in front of us," Bron announced. "I'd be up to some more talking tomorrow. I'll bring along Shorty so he can get to know your daughter."
"Sounds good to me, seeya and thank you for accepting me into this herd."
"I'm not picky, everybody is generally welcome to join." Bron smiled. "Bye!"
"Goodbye!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ali's back! Party!!! :celebrate

Right... in the next chapter, Ali is going to meet Shorty. You'll like it, probably :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on April 10, 2014, 10:53:52 PM
Very nice chapter.  :yes Ali is has finally regained consciousness and now Bron knows for certain that Littlefoot is alive.  It will be interesting to see where you go with this.  :) I am especially looking forward to seeing how Shorty interacts with Ali.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 21, 2014, 04:44:35 PM
Failed to upload last week but that was mainly since writer's block doesn't exactly makes me fire 'em out... I'll soon run out of ammo, so to say :DD

Thanks for your review, rhombus :) You'll now get to see how the two youngsters meet ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+

Chapter 13:

Bron and Fiona did indeed meet the next day during a break at a small watering hole. Accompanied by a few others, they were just talking about anything.
Fiona had placed Ali close to the water so she wouldn't have to strain her beaten body any further. The Longneck girl was waiting for Shorty who joined her soon after.
"Hey, you happen to be Ali?" he greeted her.
"Yes, that's me," Ali replied, smiling mildly. "You must be Bron's adopted son, Shorty."
"Yeah, wanna swim some?"
"Ehhh, I don't think I have enough strength to swim yet," Ali objected. "See.. I need to recover a little more. I'm actually told to move only if necessary..."
"Ah, I get'cha! I consider what you did amazing and brave; not many children would dare running off after all."
"Really? Well, I didn't have another choice, actually. It was either daring to run off or slowly shrivelling away..."
"Huh?! Was it that bad in your old herd?"
"Yes! Our leader is very racial and strict. She forced my mother to raise me the way she did."
"Aw, sounds crappy!"
"Quite... Y'know I have met friends at the Great Valley some time ago. I, at first, was reluctant to befriend them because they weren't Longnecks like us except Littlefoot..."
"You said Littlefoot, didn't ya?"
"Yeah, you know him, too???"
"Never met him but I've been told about him."
"Really? What do you know about him?"
"Not much 'cept that Bron's his dad and his mum died when he was still very young."
"Okay..."
"So.. what were ya about to tell me?"
"Oh right, long story short Littlefoot and I became friends quickly and after having a dangerous adventure, the rest of them grew on me as well... They're the only friends I ever made in my life... which was probably due to travelling around all the time... I miss them extremely!"
"Awww, sounds like you didn't have a great childhood, eh?"
"You bet!"
"Well, we're stuck in the same Sinking Sands as it seems?"
"Huh?!"
"Well... my dad was violent, abusing me and my siblings. He was addicted to eating certain leaves."
"Geez!"
"Yeah, my mum left him before we even hatched. I eventually ran off."
"Gee, we're so alike, you and me..."
"Funny, ain't it?"
"Yeah, what happened then?"
"I was straying though the lands for ages, finding a few orphanes on my way. I protected them until I stumbled across Bron. He took care of me and as the time went on, he sorta adopted me."
"Doesn't sound too bad to me."
"Well, it wasn't always as easy as you may think now... Bron sucks as a nanny and I..." Shorty swallowed hard. "I never had any playmates. Nobody wanted to deal with me at all."
"Say Shorty, are you my twin?" Ali chuckled.
"Well, not really... but it's a nice thought, ain't it?"
"Agreed! You-you don't mind having me as a friend, do you?" Ali asked, sending Shorty a shy smile.
"T-that's kind of you, Ali! Did I already tell you that you're beautiful?"
Ali couldn't help it but giggle at hearing Shorty's honest flattery.
"How precious of you," she snickered.
"Because it's true!"
Both stared to the mountains that surrounded them.
"You think that I'm beautiful even though I'm looking terrible at the moment?" Ali asked in a more serious tone.
"Yes!"
"I'll leave it at that. I'm happy that you think so, Shorty," Ali whispered, smiling.
"Know any games we can play without movin' much???"
"Yeah, I call it the Sky Puffies Game."
"Ah, I get'cha! It's this game where you'd look into the sky and try to figure out what shapes the Sky Puffies resemble, right?""Yes, you got it. Let's play it!"
"Yeah."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you had some fun at reading this :yes

In the next chapter, the journey's destination comes into sight. Besides, the plot will further elaborate on the relationship between the two young longnecks :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on April 21, 2014, 11:50:55 PM
Nice.  The two longnecks have now exchanged words and seem to be getting along quite well.   :yes In fact, with scenes like this:

Quote
"T-that's kind of you, Ali! Did I already tell you that you're beautiful?"
Ali couldn't help it but giggle at hearing Shorty's honest flattery.
"How precious of you," she snickered.
"Because it's true!"
Both stared to the mountains that surrounded them.
"You think that I'm beautiful even though I'm looking terrible at the moment?" Ali asked in a more serious tone.
"Yes!"
"I'll leave it at that. I'm happy that you think so, Shorty," Ali whispered, smiling.

It seems like Shorty is quite the flatterer. :smile  It will be interesting to see how this sweet side of the green longneck eventually clashes with the bully aspect of his character.  Somehow I doubt that Ali will respond very kindly to that part of his personality.  Of course, perhaps having a companion of his age will calm the feelings of abandonment and insecurity that gives rise to such behavior.  :unsure:

I look forward to seeing where you go with this.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 22, 2014, 09:45:27 AM
Hehe, you're right :smile. Shorty is quite the flatterer indeed. The possible conflicts that might occur later in the story that you indicated are good guesses I must admit.

The story will become very interesting soon and the chapters are becoming fairly long (1000-2500 words)...

Thanks for the review, yep, yep, yep!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on April 22, 2014, 02:38:08 PM
Soo, I went through your story during the last two hours. I can be a pretty fast reader if I want to, all it takes for me to do that is something interesting to read. :D

And now that I'm done with it, there are two things I have to say/ask:
Shorty..you better not get more serious than that. xD
Just kidding, he can do what he wants. It's just that I normally don't ship anything, but when I do, it's...guess yourself. LBT 4 was the only sequel I had as a kid, and I was old enough back then to already think about stuff like that.^^

The other thing:
Next chapter? When?! :D

You have an interesting story concept going on here. You go a little harsh on some of the characters, but you're not overdoing that, and I always had a thing for stories that aren't all happy 'n stuff.^^
The characters are well-written and the characters you changed a little bit still behave realistic, given the situations they're in.

I don't know what else I could say here, so...
Looking forward to your next chapter. ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 22, 2014, 03:23:45 PM
Hey, thank you very much for the review. Means a lot to me that people are reading my stuff and it's always cool to discover that I have earned a new follower :lol

Quote
And now that I'm done with it, there are two things I have to say/ask:
Shorty..you better not get more serious than that. xD
Just kidding, he can do what he wants. It's just that I normally don't ship anything, but when I do, it's...guess yourself. LBT 4 was the only sequel I had as a kid, and I was old enough back then to already think about stuff like that.^^
Haha, don't worry. "Shorty's Past" isn't a love story though a little bit of it can't do any harm, can it? ;) LBT 4 is a cool sequel and Ali probably my second or third favourite character so yeah :smile I don't mind couples as long as they are reasonable... I mean.. DuckyxPetrie I can understand but LittlefootxCera...  <_<

Quote
The other thing:
Next chapter? When?! biggrin.gif
I try to upload every Monday... Last week I wasn't in the mood to do so for some reason... Well, writer's block is greeting :wave The other fic of mine, I usually upload every Saturday or Sunday :)

Quote
You have an interesting story concept going on here. You go a little harsh on some of the characters, but you're not overdoing that, and I always had a thing for stories that aren't all happy 'n stuff.^^
The characters are well-written and the characters you changed a little bit still behave realistic, given the situations they're in.
Thanks! Just out of curiosity: What exactly do you consider a little harsh? Maybe I can avoid overdoing it in the next few chapters since they are... different. :yes It'll certainly not just be happy but also sort of dark...
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on April 22, 2014, 04:10:21 PM
Quote
"Shorty's Past" isn't a love story though a little bit of it can't do any harm, can it?

I agree 100%. And about the "reasonable"-thing...I'm kind of happy that the LBT fandom isn't as big as the MLP:FIM fandom. Otherwise I think there would be...eh, I won't write down what kind of shippings I had in my mind right now. Let's just say they were faaar away from "reasonable". xD

A little harsh..hm...
Ali almost dying because of dehydration and lack of food is pretty dark already, but still okay, because she made it. Anything above that I would consider as going overboard, when it's happening to a main character. If, I don't know, Flyer X or Threehorn Z die somehow and it's not described with much detail, that'd be still okay, for me at least.

But anyway, that's my opinion, and this is your story, you can do whatever you want with it. After reading the chapters that are already out I'm pretty sure you know what you're doing. :)

Edit: Ruby evolves into Chomper, I guess.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 22, 2014, 04:23:18 PM
Ah, okay. Well, in that case, you might not like my other story because there are a few characters dieing (though nobody from the Gang, don't worry ;)).
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Zimba on April 25, 2014, 02:55:55 AM
Haha at Shorty flattering Ali,I'm glad Ali survived,I was like NO now I'm like YAY.


Yeah,as you see I've finally caught up on this.

This has got to be the first fic that focuses on Shorty *claps for you and your awesome idea*

Nice to know Shorty's background,or your take on it anyway since the movies really didn't reveal anything like it.

I'm looking forward to Shorty's and Ali's friendship to grow,yay friendship.


Thats all I got to say for now,I'll leave a more detailed review later on.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 25, 2014, 06:21:57 AM
Thank you, Zimmy. Glad you like my fic :)

I don't even know why I started a fic about a character I don't like as much as many other characters... Well, at least it's fun writing it (now that I'm finally getting rid of writer's block :p)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 28, 2014, 10:04:27 AM
Chapter 14:

The next few days, Ali and Shorty mainly spent together. They became close friends and as soon as Ali was capable of moving at her own strength, they played games in every break they had.
The walk across the mountains was less dangerous than Bron had expected though the Longnecks were pretty sourced up from their long migration.
Eventually, they left the mountains. They were now wandering through rather dry grassland but there were watering holes here and there.
During one of the many breaks, Shorty and Ali came to talk about their destination. Shorty and Ali knew each other fairly well already.
"Hey Ali!" Shorty called upon seeing his friend getting herself a drink.
"Hey, how's it going, Shorty?" the pink Longneck replied.
"Had this sleep-story again last night..."
"Yeah, I had this sleep-story as well. It scares me every night..."
"Yeah, nothing to be ashamed of. They ARE kinda scary."
"Our leader didn't allow us to follow our instinct..."
"Really?"
"Yep, she said it would be too dangerous."
"Ugh! Don't tell Bron! He's an adventurer by heart."
"Really?"
"Quite, he'd rather die in a fight or during an adventure than of old age."
"Hehe, I believe you."
"He once battled four Sharpteeth all alone and won without getting injured much."
"Four fully grown Sharpteeth?!?"
"Well, they were some strange kind of Sharpteeth, not the size of the real badasses, but they were bloody fast."
"Still proof of true skill and bravery.." Ali awed.
"Bron is skilled in fighting, and brave too. He'd take on any Sharptooth or even a whole pack of 'em..."
"Impressive!"
"Would your Old One have done that?"
"I don't know... See, I've never seen her in combat before since the sheer size of the herd was always enough to make them back off. Still, the Old One feared Sharpteeth more than everything else."
"How cowardly!" Shorty snorted.
"Well, she isn't too wrong at that point if you ask me."
"How come?"
"Well, why fight them if you don't have to?"
"Why not? The only thing they do is cause grief among the leafeating kinds..."
"I guess, being the girl I am, I'll never understand your motivation." Ali chuckled.
"Possibly..." Shorty poked his tongue out.
"Do you feel that, Shorty?"
"Huh?!"
"We're getting closer to where it'll happen, Shorty."
"Yeah, I can feel it too. Heck, I SEE it!"
"Where, Shorty?"
"Over there!" He pointed to what seemed to be a lone mountain in the plain area.
"Ah, that ought to be the place."
"What oughtta be the place?" Bron, who just walked by, called.
"Shorty spotted the place where it will happen," Ali explained.
"That's right! I found it," Shorty exclaimed proudly. Together, the two young ones pointed at the mountain in the distance.
"Nice catch!" Bron awed. "I was feeling we'd be rather close by now..."
"What will we get to see there, Bron?" Ali questioned.
"Well, I can't tell you, little one," Bron replied. "But the fact that it'll be a surprise is what makes it special."
"Well, then tell me what you expect to happen, please?" Ali questioned again.
"I'm sorry, kids, I haven't spent this thought any attention yet," Bron replied. "What do you two expect?"
"Well... it oughtta be something big!" Shorty exclaimed.
"Or something wonderful..." Ali said dreamily.
"Hey, maybe we're all gonna die like in the sleep-story.." Shorty whispered evilly.
"Or those not daring the journey to that place," Bron said at a guess.
"All possible..." Ali muttered.
"Well, whatever it is, we might see long-lost relatives..." Shorty said.
"Y'all are thinking about Littlefoot, eh?" Bron asked.
"Yeah..." Ali sighed. Feelings she hadn't had in a fair while were established in her mind and not leaving her in peace. She would be deeply depressed if Littlefoot wasn't there.
"Yeah, but it's not only him I'm thinking about," Shorty replied thoughtfully.
"I get'cha," Bron said. "Have you told Ali about it already?"
"Why yes, what's the matter?" Shorty retorted.
"Well, I didn't want to say things in front of her that you might not like her to know," Bron explained.
"Ah alright," Shorty said, easing. "So yeah... y'know I've never met my mother before..." he explained. "Well, I wonder if I'll meet my mother... or even that jerk I ran off from."
"Do you know how your mother might have looked like, Shorty?" Ali questioned, interested.
"Kinda... I know that she was really tall... and that jerk said she was pretty which I can't judge anyway."
"Hehe, good luck anyway," Ali said, smiling.
"Thanks!" Shorty responded, bowing down in front of his friend.
"Anyway, let's get going again," Bron called loudly.
"Aww, we haven't played any games yet, Bron!" Shorty protested.
"Don't discuss this again, Shorty!" Bron ordered.
"Aaaaaaaaaalright, come on, my little flower," he replied.
"Hehehe, coming!" Ali chuckled.
Bron's herd moved towards the place where it would happen though they wouldn't arrive there before the next day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The destination comes in sight :p I guess you can imagine what kind of place it'll be :angel

In the next chapter, a new character will pop up (albeit a familiar one :p) and Shorty and Ali will have some fun... well, one of them :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on April 28, 2014, 01:54:44 PM
The journey is nearing its end.  Or at least the initial journey is.  :yes

We get to see some more banter between Short and Ali here.  He is really playing up the courage and adventurousness of Bron, which makes sense considering Shorty's personality.  Ali's retort also seems very believable and quite in character for her.  :yes

I look forward to seeing what happens when they finally reach their destination.  I wonder who the 'familiar face' will be?
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on May 05, 2014, 04:44:00 PM
Thanks for reviewing :) Here comes the next one (almost forgot to update today :lol)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 15:

Bron's herd had made good progress for the rest of the day so Bron had decided to walk into the night to reach the mountain that didn't seem to be a mountain which they realised more and more the closer they got. When they arrived during the night, tired and sourced up, they admired the deep valley that was surrounded by steep walls which were perfectly circular. The whole valley was filled with large amounts of food and water.
Tired, they walked down the walls and settled down to get at least a bit of sleep before the Bright Circle would arise, 'throwing' the Big Night Circle from the sky until the evening when the situation would switch over.

Littlefoot awoke on the back of his grandma. They were wandering through a forest with a huge amount of other Longnecks of all shapes and sizes. Littlefoot was in awe when he discovered how many they were.
Suddenly, the crowd stopped in their tracks. Murmurs were uttered.
"Grandpa, Grandma? What's going on?" Littlefoot questioned.
"Littlefoot, would you please climb up the trees to look what is ahead of us?" Grandpa questioned.
"May I be of help?" Sue, a very tall Longneck accompanying the three Great Valleians, offered.
"Oh yeah!" Littlefoot exclaimed in joy.
Sue lifted him towards the high branches. The little Longneck climbed up to the top playfully until he stuck his head out of an opening in the treetops. Being blinded by the dazzling light of the Bright Circle at first, he soon spotted a formation in the distance, a sort of valley to be accurate. For some strange reason, this place was utterly familiar to Littlefoot even though he hadn't ever been there... not even in his sleepstories.
"Grandma, Grandpa... I believe we are almost there..." Littlefoot called, amazed.
After having climbed back down, the crowd continued their migration to the valley...

The next morning, Shorty darted off to the nearest tree to get "his flame" breakfast. In the progress of darting off, however, Ali woke up which Shorty didn't notice.
Ali wondered where Shorty was heading to, neither calling or following him at first. Instead, she watched him.
Shorty eventually skidded to a halt in front of a big tree full of juicy treesweets. He attempted to climb up the tree but he soon had to admit that he couldn't reach the fruits that way.
Ali, observing her friend from her sleeping spot chuckled, seeing Shorty failing.
"I do wonder what he's up to..." she mumbled, remaining in her position so she would appear to be sleeping from the distance.
"How could you get them, Shorty?!" Shorty cursed. Just then, he had an idea. He jogged a few steps back. Then he charged at the tree at full speed and bumped against the trunk with his head. The impact sent a shock through the tree and its leaves and fruits but the only object that left the tree was a startled insect.
"Dammit!" Shorty screamed in anger, now having a headache.
Ali couldn't help it but laugh out loud which Shorty heard.
"Well done, Shorty! Epic failure..." the green Longneck thought bitterly, hearing Ali laugh.
Seeing Shorty's disappointed expression, Ali walked to Shorty carefully since her skin wasn't really healing well and sore when streched too much.
"You alright, Shorty?" Ali called.
"Headache..." Shorty muttered.
"What was that all about?" Ali questioned caringly.
"Well..." Shorty was suddenly particularly interested in watching a ground crawler crawling across the grass. "I wanted to get ya some treesweets for breakfast," he explained and locked eyes with Ali.
"Oh, sweet of you," Ali snickered. "Why didn't you ask Bron? He would've pushed down the whole tree."
"Well... I was trying to do it on my own. I'm not a baby anymore after all..." Shorty said pompously.
"Yeah, the grown-ups keep thinking we're still hatchlings..." Ali sighed.
"But we can look after ourselves!" Shorty shouted and snorted.
"Well, sometimes we still need them, now for example," Ali mentioned. "Though you're totally right."
"We don't need them now... I'll figure out a way," Shorty declared.
"As long as you don't try bumping against the tree again..." Ali mused.
"Haha, very funny," Shorty snorted and acted as if having been insulted.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." Ali stuttered as she saw Shorty's face but then the green Longneck poked out his tongue.
Both tried to come up with something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aww, poor Shorty :p And see who has made his first appearance... Well, a fanfiction based on LBT 10 without Littlefoot would be odd to say the least :p I originally had in mind to describe the journey of Littlefoot and his friends as well but I quickly figured that it would be pretty boring (plus it took me ages to write those scenes since I had to watch the respective scenes of the movie :smile)

In the next chapter, we see Ali and Shorty coming up with a plan and Littlefoot exploring the oasis. I guess everybody can already tell what's going to happen next :lol

Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on May 05, 2014, 08:41:58 PM
Yay my favorite canon character is now here!

#TeamLittlefoot


I look forward to see how you potray the meeting of Shorty and Littlefoot. And Shorty's reaction to finding how just who Littlefoot is to dear old Bron  :lol.


Yeah,Shorty impress the girl,giving yourself headaches does tend to impress us girls after all (if we are really desperate)  :lol. Kidding of course  :DD.

Great job!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on May 10, 2014, 10:32:49 PM
Sorry for the delay in reviewing this chapter.   :oops

It seems that the pieces are nearly in place.   :yes We have Littlefoot in sight of the destination and Shorty and Ali already at the destination.  In addition to the obviously important meeting of Bron and Littlefoot, the interactions between Littlefoot and Shorty should be interesting to see.  They already had a rocky start in the tenth film, but in this retelling of the meeting we also have a shared love interest...  I see some arguments in the future.

I also love Shorty's hardheadedness in this chapter.  :p You're not Cera, Shorty!  It is best to leave the head-ramming to the threehorns.  :yes

I look forward to the next chapter. :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on May 12, 2014, 03:14:39 PM
Thanks for the reviews :wow

You both seem to be really looking forward to the meeting of Littlefoot and Shorty :smile Well, the focus won't be on the relationship between those two in the near future but I have my plans ;) If I find some time to write the scenes, that is :bang The focus will be on Shorty himself though as you will find out in a couple chapters :p
 
Quote
It seems that the pieces are nearly in place. in-yes.gif We have Littlefoot in sight of the destination and Shorty and Ali already at the destination. In addition to the obviously important meeting of Bron and Littlefoot, the interactions between Littlefoot and Shorty should be interesting to see. They already had a rocky start in the tenth film, but in this retelling of the meeting we also have a shared love interest... I see some arguments in the future.
Couldn't have said that any better :p Though it's rather Shorty having a crush on Ali and Ali having a crush on Littlefoot  :blink:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 16:

At noon, Littlefoot and the Grandparents arrived at the oasis. They climbed up the steep walls. Littlefoot sprinted the distance in excitement whereas his Grandma and Grandpa walked slowly due to their advanced age.
When Littlefoot had arrived at the top, panting, he stared at the sight. The place was as lush and green as the Great Valley, his home. He had left behind his friends because of a sleepstory he and his grandparents kept having every night.
He waited for his grandparents to catch up. Even though he had to leave Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike behind, he knew that he might meet new and old friends during his stay. Littlefoot had thought about Ali every now and then during their long journey. He hoped to meet her, having missed her lots.
His grandparents had finally arrived at the top as well, being astonished by the sight. They walked into the oasis, settling down on a meadow and falling asleep in an instant - they hadn't slept the previous night whereas Littlefoot had, quite well actually. Littlefoot couldn't even ask whether he was allowed to go exploring the place hence he simply assumed he would be allowed to.

"Any ideas yet?" Shorty hummed and hawwed.
"I don't think you can do it alone..." Ali said hesitatingly. "So I thought that maybe... maybe we can do it together?"
"Yeah... might work," Shorty replied.
"One of us could give the other one of us a lift so he might reach the thick branches," Ali elaborated.
"Yeah, I get'cha," Shorty said in a smile. "Shall I lift you, or the other way around?"
"Of course we could ask Bron, but again you don't want that and I'm fine with it, right?" Ali spoke. "And yeah, considering my sunburned skin and weakness, you should lift me."
"Sure thing, let's do it!" Shorty called, placing himself underneath the tree.

Happily and jauntily, Littlefoot wandered around. Whereever he went, he saw lots of his own kind and no single dinosaur of a different kind. At the next watering place, the little Longneck stopped to get a drink. However, the bank was too steep for him so he fell into the water. Littlefoot didn't mind. His last bath was a fair while ago so he enjoyed splashing around in the water. After having drunk some water, he continued his adventure in the oasis. Whereever he passed by, he was on the lookout for a certain familiar face - Ali's.

Ali climbed up Shorty's back. The green Longneck pushed his friend up with his forelegs while standing on his tiptoes of his hindlegs. Ali, having climbed up as far as she could while still being supported by Shorty, clinged to the trunk. There was still a fair distance to cover.
"That's not going to work, Shorty," Ali called from above.
"It's gonna work, Ali! You gotta move up further," Shorty instructed.
"But, but what if I slip?" Ali objected.
"Then I'm gonna catch ya so you won't get hurt, my little flower," Shorty snickered.
"O-okay," Ali answered. "I'll try."
The pink Longneck climbed up bit by bit. It was very difficult since the bark was rather slippy and Ali was running out of strength quickly. She spotted two knotholes that were made for her to hold on, seemingly.
"Shorty?" she called. "I might need a little lift... up there are two knot holes I can hold on..."
"You out of strength already, eh?" Shorty assumed.
"Yes, hurry or I'll..." Suddenly, Ali slided down back to where she had started, supported by Shorty again.
"...Slip," Ali sighed.
"I could try climb up a bit myself but I doubt I can support you and cling to the tree at the same time..." Shorty said. "We might need some help now..."

Littlefoot had already wandered through most of the oasis as he spotted two Longnecks of his age. They tried to climb up a Treesweet Tree Littlefoot concluded as he was watching them. Just now the little Longneck noticed his hunger screaming after tasty treesweets so he decided to join the two playmates, one being green and one being pink with a badly sunburned skin...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahh, I love those cliffhangers :angel Well, now REALLY all pieces are in place, as rhombus put it, yep, yep, yep.

I have now arrived at a stage in this story where it was incredibly funny writing the scenes. I hope that enthusiasm will be apparent to you :lol

The next chapter is one of my personal favourites :exactly Let's just say this: You'll know the scene! ;) Oh, and continuation of the Treesweet scene, obviously... :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on May 12, 2014, 08:13:22 PM
I don't see anything where I could give you some tips etc. It still is a solid written story and you're pretty good at making the characters appear realistic and in-character. :)

There is one thing I do have to say though...

Quote
Just now the little Longneck noticed his hunger screaming after tasty treesweets so he decided to join the two playmates, one being green and one being pink with a badly sunburned skin...

....
ASFHGNFLLL!
Meanie.
How dare you to stop there?!
xD

But since I once was writing something, too, I know how much fun it can be to use cliffhangers. :D

Looking forward to the next chapter. :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on May 12, 2014, 11:23:53 PM
Ah, cliffhangers.  Now we shall see how the long-awaited character introductions take place.   :yes I really have nothing to add except to say that I look forward to the next chapter.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on May 13, 2014, 11:42:17 AM
Thanks :lol

Yeah, imagining how your readers will curse you for stopping chapters at ungodly exciting scenes, is really funny :p I always try to imagine being the reader, not the author, and I'm trying to write it in a way I myself will find interesting at least :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on May 19, 2014, 04:53:44 PM
Chapter 17:

"Hey, you need help?" Littlefoot called, adressing the green and the pink Longneck as he was approaching them. While running, Littlefoot gazed after a sign of his friend Ali but he only saw a green boy and a girl looking beaten up.
"Yeah, we want to reach the Treesweets but we aren't big enough when we step on each other," the girl responded shily, offering a mild smile.
"My friend's right, so you're gonna help us?" the boy questioned a little rude.
"Sure, I'm hungry after all," Littlefoot replied, being a bit unsure as for what to make of the two. The girl seemed alright and her voice was soft and friendly but she looked nasty and the boy didn't seem very kind in his view.
"So are we, c'mon!" the boy shouted.
"Will I be on the top again?" the girl asked.
"Yeah, I'm gonna support him," he said, pointing at Littlefoot. "And he's gonna support you."
"Sounds good, let's start," Littlefoot replied.
As the boy took his position underneath the tree, the girl adressed Littlefoot.
"Try to climb a bit higher; there are two knotholes you can hold on to."
"Okay, will do!" Littlefoot answered. For some reason, the girl's voice sounded familiar in his ears but he wasn't capable of associating it with a familiar face. Likewise, Ali didn't recognise Littlefoot.
Littlefoot walked across the boy's back and held on to the trunk, being lifted. In a similar way to Ali's previous attempt, he climbed up to the knotholes and put his paws into them.
"Alright, I'm ready," he let his fellow Longnecks know.
"Good, now you, my little flower," the boy said to the girl who did the same like Littlefoot. Instead of being lifted by the boy, she climbed up Littlefoot's tail and back.
"Can you make it up there from here?" Littlefoot questioned as the girl was standing on his neck.
"I think so... I need to climb up just a little bit..." she replied, doing so. She made good progress but then her strength left her.
"Can you push me a little higher?" she exclaimed. "Quickly, if possible..."
Littlefoot tried to cling to the wood with his hindlegs as well as he could and gave the girl a mighty push with his forelegs. The girl managed to grab the thick tree branch and pulled herself up using the last of her strength. Littlefoot, on the other hand, lost his grip and crashed to the ground. The boy refused to catch him.
Not harmed at all, Littlefoot got to his feet and watched the girl climbing up branch by branch along with the boy.
As the girl was about to drop a few Treesweets, the branch supporting her weigth cracked. Uttering a loud scream, the girl fell down the tree.
Littlefoot felt the ground rumble as a grown-up Longneck sprinted towards them, catching the girl just in time. He placed her on the ground carefully and looked at the young ones angrily.
"Are you crazy?! She could've been dead or crippled by now, are you aware of this?" he shouted at the girl in particular..
"It's not her fault, Bron," the green boy chimed in. "It was my idea and she sorta helped me."
"And who's he?" the tall Longneck by the name Bron thundered.
"He... sorta came along," the girl replied shily. "What's your name?"
"I'm Littlefoot," Littlefoot introduced himself.
"LITTLEFOOT?!?" Bron and the two little ones exclaimed in surprise.
"Huh?" Littlefoot was surprised as well.
"Funny... I was called Littlefoot as a youngling too," Bron muttered. "Anyway, that'll have consequences Shorty and I'm afraid I need to have a word with your mother, Ali."
"Ali???" Littlefoot called in awe. "That is... you?"
"Littlefoot?" Ali responded.
"So you are..." the boy by the name Shorty was about to say as a loud voice called.
"Littlefoooooot!"
"I'm here, Grandpa!" Littlefoot called back.
An elderly Longneck broke out of the vegetation.
"Ah, here you are, I was already wondering..." Grandpa interrupted his sentence as he locked eyes with the grown-up. "Bron?!"
"Papa Longneck..." Bron replied dumpfounded.
The three little ones were stunned.
"Littlefoot..." Grandpa sighed. "This is your father..."
Littlefoot was shocked. His father, he said... He had a father?
"Littlefoot, I..." Bron stuttered but Littlefoot had already turned tail and stormed away.
"Was it something I said?" Bron asked, shrugging.
Grandpa gave him an apologetic look.
"Could you get us some Treesweets?" Shorty complained.
"If I were you, I'd be quiet now!" Bron barked. He walked to another tree and rubbed some leaves off it.
Ali and Shorty had their breakfast in total silence while Bron had a talk with Grandpa Longneck and his mate joining them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!! :smile Do you think my take on the meeting scene of Littlefoot and Bron is good?

Many things will  happen in the next chapter and I think most of them are a logical result of chapter 17 :) Worth mentioning is what Shorty and Bron are doing because it will lead to a... dramatic situation  :idea

EDIT: Added the following to the chapter:
Quote
Likewise, Ali didn't recognise Littlefoot.
The rest of the explanation is in chapter 18 :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on May 20, 2014, 01:32:21 AM
This was certainly an interesting and long-awaited scene.  :yes  In this scene we can see the cascade of conflicts on full display: Shorty's protectiveness and jealousy concerning Ali versus Littlefoot's outgoing nature; Littlefoot's acceptance of others versus Shorty's insularness; and, of course, the conflicts that will now result as Littlefoot is aware of Ali's identity and Bron's significance.  

I can already see fireworks on the horizon, as Shorty's lack of care for Littlefoot (not catching him as he fell to the ground) and rudeness are more than likely a hint of things to come.  This probably will not improve as Littlefoot begins to take up some of Bron's attention.  It will be interesting to see how Ali deals with this entire situation.  :yes

Overall, I rather enjoyed this addition, but I did have one question, however.  I understand how Littlefoot may not quite recognize Ali on account of her injuries and general appearance, but wouldn't Ali still recognize Littlefoot?  That seemed a little odd to me.

In terms of corrections, I only noticed two minor things:

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"So are we, common!" the boy shouted.

Should read "So are we, come on!"

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"Try to climb a bit higher because there are two knotholes you can hold on to."

Is technically correct, but would sound more natural if it were phrased "Try to climb a bit higher; there are two knotholes you can hold on to."

I look forward to seeing how Bron, Shorty, and the others deals with the revelations of the day.  I sense drama is in the near future.  :yes Keep up the good work.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on May 20, 2014, 02:44:14 PM
Thanks for reviewing :)

Quote
This was certainly an interesting and long-awaited scene. in-yes.gif In this scene we can see the cascade of conflicts on full display: Shorty's protectiveness and jealousy concerning Ali versus Littlefoot's outgoing nature; Littlefoot's acceptance of others versus Shorty's insularness; and, of course, the conflicts that will now result as Littlefoot is aware of Ali's identity and Bron's significance.
Yeah, Shorty is going to be jealous. Though, there will be another aspect that influences Shorty prior to that (it's sort of covering his jealousy so it must be something really significant :)) Though maybe I should add some jealousy to the chapter I will upload next monday... :idea

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I can already see fireworks on the horizon, as Shorty's lack of care for Littlefoot (not catching him as he fell to the ground) and rudeness are more than likely a hint of things to come. This probably will not improve as Littlefoot begins to take up some of Bron's attention. It will be interesting to see how Ali deals with this entire situation. in-yes.gif
Well, again this is a true observation. Especially Shorty's "rudeness", the term "rudeness" being quite an underestimation as you will see soon, (spoiiiiler :o) will be an important aspect soon.

Quote
Overall, I rather enjoyed this addition, but I did have one question, however. I understand how Littlefoot may not quite recognize Ali on account of her injuries and general appearance, but wouldn't Ali still recognize Littlefoot? That seemed a little odd to me.
Ah, I was wondering whether or not people would catch this... Well, let's just say they have changed (grown bigger etc.) and Ali wasn't specially looking for Littlefoot at that moment. Though that might be too weak an argument, I admit. I was thinking that the scene where Bron meets Littlefoot should be sort of chaotic so Ali and Littlefoot recognising each other should make this chaos perfect, at least so I thought :angel If you are in favor of changing this aspect, I will do so as you have a very advanced sense for what works in a story and what does not as opposed to me... Well, there are a few things in my fics that I'm not sure about whether people are going to say "Wow, awesome dude!" or "That's not going to work that way!" So yeah, I'd appreciate your opinion on this (and also the opinions of all the other readers that don't review ;))

Quote
"So are we, common!" the boy shouted.


Should read "So are we, come on!"
Well, isn't "common" a more informal way of saying/writing this word? Just curious :angel
Thanks for pointing out  :exactly
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on May 20, 2014, 03:00:07 PM
Quote
Ah, I was wondering whether or not people would catch this... Well, let's just say they have changed (grown bigger etc.) and Ali wasn't specially looking for Littlefoot at that moment. Though that might be too weak an argument, I admit. I was thinking that the scene where Bron meets Littlefoot should be sort of chaotic so Ali and Littlefoot recognising each other should make this chaos perfect, at least so I thought  :angel If you are in favor of changing this aspect, I will do so as you have a very advanced sense for what works in a story and what does not as opposed to me... Well, there are a few things in my fics that I'm not sure about whether people are going to say "Wow, awesome dude!" or "That's not going to work that way!" So yeah, I'd appreciate your opinion on this (and also the opinions of all the other readers that don't review <_<

I think that it could work well, as the chaos does improve the scene in my opinion, it just may need a little bit of in-story explanation.  Perhaps just a little sentence explaining how Ali thinks the male longneck looks familiar, but she can't quite figure out why.  If she had any lingering damage to her eyesight or sense of hearing on account of her near-death experience, this might be a good time to make note of it, as that would explain the lack of recognition quite well.  :yes Overall, however, it doesn't really detract from the scene, it was just quite noticeable to me.

Quote
Well, isn't "common" a more informal way of saying/writing this word? Just curious  :angel

The shorthand way of saying it would be "c'mon".  Or at least that is the most common informal version of it in contemporary writing.  :yes I have seen writers use both "c'mon" and "come on" in their writing, although now that I think about it, "c'mon" might work better here.  This is because my original suggestion of "come on" can also mean a sexual advance in some contexts and that is definitely not what you are trying to convey here.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on May 20, 2014, 04:42:23 PM
Quote
I think that it could work well, as the chaos does improve the scene in my opinion, it just may need a little bit of in-story explanation. Perhaps just a little sentence explaining how Ali thinks the male longneck looks familiar, but she can't quite figure out why. If she had any lingering damage to her eyesight or sense of hearing on account of her near-death experience, this might be a good time to make note of it, as that would explain the lack of recognition quite well. in-yes.gif Overall, however, it doesn't really detract from the scene, it was just quite noticeable to me.
Yeah, that's a good suggestion. I will add that to the chapter :) EDIT: I'll add the explanation to one of the next few chapters. I'll have to see where it fits in since the plot is kind of fast-paced, not allowing much space for interruptions. The explanation as for why they don't recognise each other at first doesn't fit into such an action filled scene as the climbing of the treesweet tree :yes

Quote
The shorthand way of saying it would be "c'mon". Or at least that is the most common informal version of it in contemporary writing. in-yes.gif I have seen writers use both "c'mon" and "come on" in their writing, although now that I think about it, "c'mon" might work better here. This is because my original suggestion of "come on" can also mean a sexual advance in some contexts and that is definitely not what you are trying to convey here.
I have no offensive thoughts, nope, nope, nope :p I'll go with "c'mon then and remember that in the future :yes

Thanks for the reply yet again!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 03, 2014, 04:42:49 PM
One day late, here's my next installment. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 18:

Littlefoot was seated on the great wall that bordered the lush valley against the inhospitable outside world called Mysterious Beyond Tears streamed down his cheek. Littlefoot felt anger like he had hardly ever felt in his life. Why wasn't he told he had a dad? Why wasn't his dad with them when he was born? Where had he been all this time??? Littlefoot was at a loss as for what to do. Should he block off every attempt of his dad to talk to him? Should he blame his grandparents for not telling him about his dad? Littlefoot, in his fury, even considered going back to the Great Valley where his friends were. What was the right choice; what was the wrong? Littlefoot didn't know hence he, for the time being, stayed where he was, mad, disappointed and depressed. Eventually, he weeped a little for he felt mucked about...
   
"Bron, where have you been all the time?" Grandpa questioned after Grandma had recovered from the shock of seeing Bron. He sounded accusing although that wasn't his intention.
"I can't tell you how happy I am to see you alive and kicking!" Bron exclaimed in awe. "I believed that you died after I saw that crack in the landscape."
"So why did it take you so long to return? We thought you would be back not too long after Littlefoot's hatchday?" Grandpa asked, having so many questions that he was afraid he couldn't ask them all.
"Well, I tried to find that Valley of yours. I followed the route my mate had described to me..." Bron almost shouted. "I didn't find it and I didn't want to return without any news so I simply tried another route. After a long while, I found a green land that I until this very day call my home. When I returned, nothing was recognisable. I searched for you everywhere but you were gone. Eventually, I was told the story about my mate and the Sharptooth."
"You know about it?" Grandma wondered in surprise.
"Yes, but nobody knew what had happened to you so I continued my fruitless search. Eventually, I found Shorty and when I kept having no luck at finding you, I decided to settle down at the place I had found back then."
"Didn't you look in the Great Valley?" Grandma questioned.
"Well, of course I was trying to find it..." Bron said.

Ali and Shorty had finished off their meal.
"What are we gonna do now?" Shorty asked.
"I.. I think I'll go after Littlefoot," Ali stated.
"Why goin' after that crybaby, eh? Let's play something!" Shorty snorted.
"He's my friend and friends are there for each other so I'll see if he's alright now," Ali declared sourly.
"Okay, okay... Let's go to that Little... foot," Shorty said quickly to sooth Ali's outburst of anger.
"Who said you'd come along?" Ali then asked. "He's my friend, not yours."
"Yeah, maybe... but I'm your friend too so I can come along, right?"
"Shorty!" Ali sighed. "You can't because... well."
"Littlefoot and Ali kis..."
"It's not like that!" Ali snapped at him. "See, whatever made him so angry, is something deep. I've seen this face in my own reflection very often when I was still with my old herd... I know that Littlefoot might very easily switch his anger to you...  and frankly, I don't think you'd want that," Ali explained.
"I'd love that, actually..." Shorty said with a smirk. "Why wouldn't he switch his anger to you?"
"Because he's my friend, Shorty!" Ali shouted. "He doesn't know you and you're not just the best in terms of making new friends either."
"Hey!" Shorty objected.
"I'll be back," Ali cut him short and ran off.
"Wait, Ali!" Shorty shouted and followed her.
"Shorty, you stay where you are!" Bron thundered gruffly.
Audibly cursing, Shorty stopped in his tracks and slowly shambled over to Bron who clearly wasn't in a good mood...

Littlefoot was still weeping when Ali discovered his poor form. The pink Longneck carefully approached.
"L-Littlefoot?" she said quietly.
Littlefoot didn't reply but sobbed heavily.
"What's wrong?" the girl said sentimentally, slowly stepping closer.
Littlefoot still didn't reply.
"I-I better go I guess," she mumbled after some time.
"Don't go, Ali," Littlefoot managed to say inbetween his heavy sobs.
Ali being about to turn tail stopped in her movement and walked back to the weeping Longneck.
"What's wrong, Littlefoot?" she said again and nuzzled the boy softly, taking a seat next to him.
Littlefoot didn't manage to reply. Instead he curled up into a tight ball. Ali tried her best to console her friend, whispering words of comfort into his ears and offering him her body to hold on to...

"Looks like a fateful chain of unfortunate events separated us for many years," Grandpa spoke.
"Yeah, as I said, I'm so happy to have found you at last. I'm so looking forward to introduce you to my herd."
"Your herd?" Grandpa wondered.
"You... have a herd? So... you have become the leader of a..." Grandma stammered, awestruck.
"Yeah..." Bron replied shyly. "For some reason, the Longnecks at my home followed me and I became their leader."
"That's great, Bron!" Grandma exclaimed.
"I do not quite agree," Grandpa said sternly. "How big is your herd?"
"Fairly big..." Bron replied.
"Then we might have a problem..." Grandpa sighed.

Littlefoot soon stopped crying. Ali's comfort was really helping against his anger.
"Do you feel better?" Ali asked and smiled mildly at Littlefoot.
"Yeah, I think," Littlefoot said.
"Why were you so sad?"
"Well, it's all because of... my dad.. I...," Littlefoot struggled to continue his sentence. "I wasn't  told I even have a dad, y'know."
"Ah, I know the story. I've wandered with him  and Shorty a fair while now."
"How come? And how did you manage to... whatever happened to your skin? I haven't recognised you due to that - it almost shames me.
"That's a long story, Littlefoot. Mind if I tell you another time?"
"Nah, that's alright, Ali."
"Good. Oh, and I have not recognised you either," Ali chuckled. "You-you haven't changed that much while I'm looking really different and nasty - well, at the moment... I should be the one blamed."
"True..."Littlefoot hummed.
"Well, I'm just happy to see you, Littlefoot! It's been so long since we met," Ali exclaimed in excitement, bouncing around.
"Me too!" Littlefoot replied, though not nearly as enthusiastic as his friend.

"A problem?" Bron wondered clueless.
"Yes, because such a big herd doesn't fit into the Great Valley," Grandpa explained.
"Not as residents, that is," Grandma added. "Your herd is very welcomed to visit us for a limited time though."
"You don't wanna join my herd?" Bron asked in surprise.
"Give me a good reason to leave the Valley and I will," Grandpa stated.
"Uh, for family's sake?" Bron said.
"Our friends live in the Valley, there's enough food to feast on forever and no danger from Sharpteeth," Grandma spoke. "Why should we leave the Great Valley?"
"To unite the family at last," Bron appealed. "I want to live with Littlefoot and you two."
"What about me!?" Shorty piped up.
"You stay out of this!" Bron thundered. "Go back to the nest, scoot!"
Shorty was actually happy to be allowed to go. Any company was better than Bron's at that moment.
"It would be much easier if you quit leadership of your herd and go with us to the Great Valley," Grandpa remarked.
"But I can't abandon my herd," Bron retorted.
"You can abandon them," Grandma stated. "They'll find another leader, but you don't have another family, I may remark."
Bron didn't say anything in a while but considered.
"I-I'll think about it," Bron eventually declared. "I think I should have a word with my son." He sighed.
"We have never told him about you because we considered you dead," Grandma said quietly.
"He might be angry," Grandpa added.
"Yes, I'll handle that," Bron sighed. "I would have done the same thing so I don't hold it against you."
Littlefoot's Grandparents wished him luck and walked to the watering hole while Bron stepped up the steep wall...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of my longer chapters, admittedly... Don't worry, this will be the average chapter length soon. Maybe one reason why I don't seem to get on with the story :unsure:

Anyway, the next chapter will be a surprise. I'm not sure how you guys will take it... There will be a constant switch between two scenes, one of them being the continuation of the talk between Bron and the Grandparents / Ali and Littlefoot. I'll use it more often in the future as there are now several plots that happen simultaneously :smile

PS: Just for the record: Until I pick up some motivation and, moreover, inspiration to write, I'll update every second week :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on June 03, 2014, 05:20:28 PM
That was a very emotional chapter.  :yes I like how you have portrayed the inner struggle going on in Littlefoot's mind and the clash between Shorty and Ali.  It seems that Ali now has a firmer understanding of the flaws in Shorty''s character.  Likewise, Bron's reluctance to relinquish his leadership of the herd might also indicate more than a bit of pridefulness in that character... and a certain lack of social awareness (in the case of the needs of the grandparents and what would be safer for his son).  His abruptness with Shorty also, I fear, alludes to further conflict between Shorty and Littlefoot when Bron begins to interact with his biological son more.  Bron's emotional distance from Shorty would make the green longneck become especially jealous at any attention that Littlefoot would receive.

A very good addition, overall.  :) I look forward to the next installment.

I only had a few corrections to note:

Quote
Tears streamed down his cheek. Littlefoot felt anger like hardly ever before in his life.

This should probably be written as: "Tears streamed down his cheek. Littlefoot felt anger like he had hardly ever felt in his life."

Quote
What was the right choice, what was the wrong?

Not incorrect, but should probably be written as two sentences, like: "What was the right choice?  What was the wrong?" or, alternatively, using a semicolon: "What was the right choice; what was the wrong?"

Quote
Bron exclaimed in awe. "I believed you dead after I saw that crack in the landscape."

"I believed that you died after I saw that crack in the landscape."

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"How come? And how did you manage to... whatever happened to your skin? I haven't recognised you due to that - it almost ashames me.
[/u]

It should be "recognized" instead of "recognised".  Also in this case you would say: "it almost shames me."

Quote
"You-you haven't changed that much while I'm looking really different and nasty - well, at the moment... It should be me to be blamed."

"I should be the one blamed."
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 04, 2014, 06:39:22 AM
Thanks for the review :yes

Quote
That was a very emotional chapter. in-yes.gif
Yeah, it was meant to be emotional. Glad you think so :smile

Quote
I like how you have portrayed the inner struggle going on in Littlefoot's mind and the clash between Shorty and Ali.
Yep, Littlefoot needs to decide what to make of his dad. Certainly, it is not easy for the little longneck :yes Knowing that Ali has a sort of... crush on Littlefoot, it is of course only logical that she would go after her friend to cheer him up (which turned out to be rather difficult). Well, of course this awakes the jealousy in Shorty ;)

Quote
It seems that Ali now has a firmer understanding of the flaws in Shorty''s character.
She's just starting to understand Shorty...

Quote
Likewise, Bron's reluctance to relinquish his leadership of the herd might also indicate more than a bit of pridefulness in that character... and a certain lack of social awareness (in the case of the needs of the grandparents and what would be safer for his son).
True! :exactly

Quote
His abruptness with Shorty also, I fear, alludes to further conflict between Shorty and Littlefoot when Bron begins to interact with his biological son more. Bron's emotional distance from Shorty would make the green longneck become especially jealous at any attention that Littlefoot would receive.
Watch this aspect in the next chapter very closely... Shorty will deal with it in a way that might be... surprising...

Thanks for the corrections as well :)

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It should be "recognized" instead of "recognised". Also in this case you would say: "it almost shames me."
Isn't "recognised" British English while "recognized" is American English? Since I'm using British English (which is prefered in school) it's not technically wrong? Or is "recognize/se" an irregular verb in this regard?
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on June 04, 2014, 01:10:26 PM
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Isn't "recognised" British English while "recognized" is American English? Since I'm using British English (which is prefered in school) it's not technically wrong? Or is "recognize/se" an irregular verb in this regard?

You are correct that "recognised" is  British English while "recognized" is American English.

If you are using British English then "recognised" would be acceptable.  However, the British spelling is frowned upon in the US and in some other countries outside of the British commonwealth.  I am unsure why that is, as the British spelling of most other words is used interchangeably with the American spelling in most other cases, but in the case of "recognised" even the spellcheck will mark it wrong if you are using American English as the setting.

http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=217843 (http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=217843)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 16, 2014, 03:42:00 PM
Hmm, well. It'd be awkward to use the "s-spelling" all the time and suddenly have a word spelled with "z" :p I hope it's okay to keep using "recognise" :)

Have the next chapter :) NOTE: CONTAINS VIOLENCE AND BLOOD! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH THINGS!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 20:

Shorty loved how his aggression was transmuted into an almost ecstatic feeling that grew with every punch he landed at the girl and every pained cry she uttered. Shorty had never beaten one of the hatchlings that hard. Even the attack back in the wasteland had been kind of unusually violent by his standards but Shorty began to love it.
All of a sudden, the girl landed a hit against Shorty...

"You... you are the leader... of a whole herd?!?" Littlefoot questioned awe-struck.
"Yeah," Bron said shyly. "Maybe they had chosen me as their leader because I have fought off two violent Sharptooth attacks within a short time..."
"Are you.. are you good at fighting them?" Littlefoot asked.
"I don't think I'm showing off by claiming that I am, am I?" Bron chuckled.
"I don't... think so?" Littlefoot replied.
"Sharpteeth are actually cowards, y'know?" Bron stated. "I bet you haven't met any on your journey to this place, have you?"
"Nope, only a bellydragger," Littlefoot responded.
"Many Sharpteeth hunt in groups, or packs as they're commonly called. They only take on single individuals. In most cases... there are always some who try nonetheless, specially if they're starving," Bron explained. "They'd never dare attacking such a big number of Longnecks except somebody gets separated."
"There is safety in numbers..." Littlefoot mused.
"Exactly!" Bron exclaimed. "Oh I can't wait to introduce you to my herd. I've told them about you..."
"Well, I'm not sure if I want that at the moment," Littlefoot said, slightly depressed. "I... I guess I... y'know..." Littlefoot was searching for the right words but his overburdened head wouldn't form a proper sentence.
"I know what you mean," Bron then spoke up. "I completely understand that you might be... disappointed of me and that you need some time to think about everything and to get used to the new situation."
Littlefoot nodded, lacking something to say.
"I think it's best if I leave you for the time being. Maybe we can arrange a meeting tomorrow to get to know each other better? You still haven't told much about yourself..."
"Yeah, sounds good," Littlefoot replied.
"How about same time, same place?" Bron suggested.
"Okay, see you tomorrow, I guess," Littlefoot said.
"Yes, speak to you tomorrow," Bron said kindly with a weak smile which Littlefoot didn't quite return. The little one turned tail to walk to Ali...

"Oww, HOW DARE YOU!!!" Shorty roared as he got hit by one of the girl's legs that she had thrashed about to struggle free somehow. For a short moment, it had worked in a different way than she had originally intended. Though Shorty wasn't up to attacking her right again, the girl had trouble to get up for her whole body was aching terribly.
Shorty watched the girl's attempts to get to her feet. He was seeking for a preferably painful revenge and he soon came up with one. Only a little distance away, he saw a big rock that had rather sharp edges. That was the perfect object to use...

"Oww, he is crazed!"Cho thought while she struggled to make an escape. However, her left foreleg hurt terribly because she had used it to shield her face from the worst attacks. Her right one hadn't suffered so much damage but it still hurt. Therefore, she slowly limped directly into the direction Shorty wanted her to go anyway...

Shorty was grinning viciously at the sight of his target moving towards the rock he planned to use. He slowly followed her...

Ali had prepared a tiny surprise for Littlefoot. She had plucked a good amount of berries from the bush, building a pile of them in the grass. Then she had plucked any kind of flower she could find and placed them around the pile of berries.
When Littlefoot had arrived, he didn't look too depressed, Ali noticed. His head hung low a little but other than the first time she had met him earlier he didn't look like he would start to cry anytime soon.
"Surprise!" Ali called, chuckling at the face Littlefoot made.
"Ali that is w..." Littlefoot said when both of them heard a disturbing scream in the distance, sounding as if being uttered by a kid in distress...

Cho noticed Shorty gaining on her again but she didn't react to that in any way for she couldn't possibly stop whatever the crazy boy was up to anyway. Sobbing, she limped forward.

Shorty didn't follow her straightly. He rather positioned himself for the attack that would have grave consequences for both parties...
With a mighty roar, he surprisingly stormed towards the girl, catching her off-guard. Not that she could have dodged the impact anyway. He crashed into her flank and shoved her against the rock with the many sharp edges with disastrous force. At the ram, Cho yelped in pain as her air was forcefully pushed out of her lungs. At the impact with the rock that happened only an eyeblink later, a wicked pain shot through her body as the sharp edges of the rock teared into her flesh. Cho screamed like she had never screamed in her life. The pain was excruciating and Shorty was still pushing her against the rocky surface, grinning madly...

Not only Ali and Littlefoot had heard Cho's scream. The whole oasis was suddenly a lot more silent as everybody tried to figure out where it had come from.
Bron, however, was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the scream at all although his ears had received it.

"What was THAT?" Ali cried in fear.
"Whatever it was, it needs our help!" Littlefoot shouted, totally forgetting about Ali's surprise.
"It came from where Bron's herd is residing," Ali replied, having forgotten about the surprise as well.
"Then let's hurry!" Littlefoot proposed.
"Yeah," Ali called, leading Littlefoot since she knew the way.

Even as Shorty finally released the pressure on the unfortunate girl, she continued to scream in pain. Her whole right flank was bleeding. Shorty didn't give her much time to recover however. The boy pushed her to her legs and, almost softly, pushed her against the rock with her unhurt flank.
Cho looked Shorty straight into the eyes, seeing the malicious expression in them.
"That's just what you deserve, you hideous thing!" Shorty snarled before walking a few steps back to ram into the girl again with blistering force.
Cho whimpered upon knowing what crucial pain was expecting her once again. Being unable to move, she had to endure the smug grin on Shorty's face before he forced her still unhurt flank against the edgy rock, tearing deep cuts into Cho's black skin. The girl howled in pain...

When Littlefoot and Ali arrived at the forest where the cries came from, their blood almost froze upon helplessly watching Shorty ramming into a young, black Longneck that was covered in a lot of blood already. The cry the young one uttered while she was being tortured, psyched both of them out, freezing them on spot.
Loud and thundering, a muscular grown-up came running around a bend, hurrying.
"What's happening here!?" Willie barked, hearing the grief-stricken wails of Cho.
Littlefoot and Ali being too shocked to utter a single loud anyway didn't need to answer as Willie peeked through the spaces between the thick treetrunks. Without uttering another word, he stormed into the forest, uprooting trees that were taller than he was...

In his ecstase, Shorty didn't notice that he was being spotted. He eventually released the torturing pressure on the jetblack girl who collapsed to the ground, shedding a lot of blood out of numorous cuts that quickly coloured the surrounding ground red.
Shorty posed above her and looked down at the beaten Longneck. Her eyes were, much to his surprise, not showing the pain she was suffering of but a completely different emotion. Did she really look... apologetic?
Just at that moment, Shorty realised the trees being uprooted behind him; thundering footsteps approached him. Looking at the girl who seemed to black out and at the sight of the alarmingly fast growing puddle of blood on the ground, he suddenly realised the harm he had caused. Before he could have spent any further thought on this, he was hit by a mighty swing of Willie's tail that catapulted the boy high into the air where he heftily collided with a tree. Unable to breath because of the mighty impact, Shorty remained lying on the ground, seeing stars...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could've sworn it's more than 1400 words  :huh: Well, now we have a really difficult situation. Shorty went crazy (Don't worry, I didn't write violent scenes without a good reasoning ;)) and the hatchling from chapter (was it 9 or 10? Can't remember atm...), now known as "Cho" (I like the name :angel) is seriously hurt. Will she survive? What's going to happen with Shorty? What's Bron's take on this? How are Littlefoot and Ali dealing with it? What's Shorty's saying in defence? This and more is to be revealed in the next few chapters...

EDIT: I'm not sure if it's due to the advanced time over here but... WHERE THE HECK IS CHAPTER 19?!  :crazy
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on June 16, 2014, 07:53:38 PM
That sounds like something I used to write..seriously lol.

Oh it even has the black longneck like I had xD.

Good chapter,but highly dramatic...I like drama. Man Shorty has flipped,you don't hurt girls man..thats just no...

I hope Cho doesn't die..that would be too much like I used to write it'll scare me a little (kidding)

*Shakes Ducky* WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

I wanna know what happens,I'm on the edge of my....bed here.

This was quite the twist,I never expected Shorty to go this far. Please let Cho be alright.

And Shorty...good luck getting out of this one.



Oh and a typo I noticed..think
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fast growing poodle of blood on the ground

Do you mean puddle? I think it's Germany that says it poodle though. But in English 'poodle' is a  fluffy dog,so to me there is a  fluffy dog on the ground xD.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on June 16, 2014, 08:10:55 PM
Wow.  I was not expecting a turn like this in the story.  Shorty has truly flipped out.  Based upon the amount of damage that you have alluded to in this chapter, I wonder what punishment Shorty will be faced with?  I would imagine that in the valley, an aggravated assault of this magnitude would probably result in banishment.  The reactions of Littlefoot and Ali will also be interesting to see.  Somehow I suspect that Littlefoot's reaction to Shorty will be less than charitable (as would be my reaction as well in this situation) based upon how Littlefoot has a history of caring for others in need.  To see another female longneck being struck down will more than likely evoke memories of his mother's final moments...  Shorty might be in for more than a simple bashing by Willie's tail if Littlefoot (and the girl's mother) have their way.

Overall, this was a very good chapter.  I look forward to seeing how this develops.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 17, 2014, 08:47:36 AM
Thanks for the reviews :)

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That sounds like something I used to write..seriously lol.
Yeah, I feared you might draw that conclusion, hehe :smile It's somewhat violent (and more violent than I would have liked) but I needed to create a dramatic situation where lives are threatened. Nobody would complain about some bruises, nor find them very brutal, while using the sharp-edged rock certainly is. Funnily, I didn't think about the Shadowlands, Hades, Nahla etc. when I wrote this :p

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Oh it even has the black longneck like I had xD.
Yeah, I made her black to show some intra-species racism (Shorty insults her in chp 10 if I remember correctly and he calls her "Ugly" and "Shadow").

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Good chapter,but highly dramatic...I like drama. Man Shorty has flipped,you don't hurt girls man..thats just no...
Glad you like drama (like it too). Hurting girls is just wrong indeed and it not only includes physical violence but also mental violence (bullying, abuse etc.) The latter is often not referred to when referring to the "don't hurt girls" statement, sadly :(

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I hope Cho doesn't die..that would be too much like I used to write it'll scare me a little (kidding)
Hmm, true... Well, I'm not that evil though you never know... :p In other words, I'm not gonna spoil you :smile

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And Shorty...good luck getting out of this one.

He'll need it, trust me :p

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Oh and a typo I noticed..think
QUOTE
fast growing poodle of blood on the ground


Do you mean puddle? I think it's Germany that says it poodle though. But in English 'poodle' is a fluffy dog,so to me there is a fluffy dog on the ground xD.
Of course I meant to write puddle :smile We call the dog "Pudel" which is pronounced similar to English, basically :)

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Wow. I was not expecting a turn like this in the story. Shorty has truly flipped out. Based upon the amount of damage that you have alluded to in this chapter, I wonder what punishment Shorty will be faced with? I would imagine that in the valley, an aggravated assault of this magnitude would probably result in banishment.
Good observations! Shorty is indeed endangered of being thrown out of the herd. YOU'll larn more in the next chapter :yes

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The reactions of Littlefoot and Ali will also be interesting to see. Somehow I suspect that Littlefoot's reaction to Shorty will be less than charitable (as would be my reaction as well in this situation) based upon how Littlefoot has a history of caring for others in need.
Hmm, I was thinking about revamping some scenes lately... This might be something I should add. I did focus on Ali's reaction for a reason that will be revealed in the next chapter as well and Littlefoot then is focussed on Ali rather then on Cho. I should really change that :lol

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Shorty might be in for more than a simple bashing by Willie's tail if Littlefoot (and the girl's mother) have their way.
True :yes

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Overall, this was a very good chapter. I look forward to seeing how this develops.
I'm happy that you liked it. I was really worried that people might not like this sudden turn :angel

I have gotten back into writing this story just yesterday and I hope it lasts, hehe. If it does, I might switch back to weekly updates, yep, yep, yep :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on June 17, 2014, 09:42:05 AM
Quote from: Ducky123,Jun 17 2014 on  07:47 AM

I have gotten back into writing this story just yesterday and I hope it lasts, hehe. If it does, I might switch back to weekly updates, yep, yep, yep :)
Awesome!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Zimba on June 17, 2014, 07:53:13 PM
Awesome :D

Though yes,it does look like something Nahla used to write...have you been taking lessons from her? Or are you becoming her?

Kidding,I just find the style of the drama the same and I must say it was unexpected drama.

Shorty has totally flipped,poor poor Cho,she did nothing wrong it ain't her fault she black,grr.

Can I push Shorty off a cliff please? No? Okay...

We all know Shorty can be a jerk but thats just...EVIL

Love it,very dramatic and unexpected.

And Littlefoot meets Bron...why do I have a feeling that Bron focusing more on Littlefoot might just make Shorty worse...
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 18, 2014, 11:34:37 AM
Thanks for reviewing! :yes

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Though yes,it does look like something Nahla used to write...have you been taking lessons from her? Or are you becoming her?
Oh no, no, no! I did not take lessons and I am still I, yes I am :angel

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Shorty has totally flipped,poor poor Cho,she did nothing wrong it ain't her fault she black,grr.
Yep, she's totally innocent. She did nothing wrong except being in Shorty's path at the wrong time.

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Can I push Shorty off a cliff please? No? Okay...
If you must... :p

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We all know Shorty can be a jerk but thats just...EVIL
Yes, he's sorta evil but as you will he isn't totally evil...

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Love it,very dramatic and unexpected.
Note to self: Mission completed! :smile

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And Littlefoot meets Bron...why do I have a feeling that Bron focusing more on Littlefoot might just make Shorty worse...
Couldn't put it any better... Bron will NOT exactly be helpful indeed :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on June 18, 2014, 07:14:47 PM
I kind of promised something, so here it is. Maybe it's even useful.^^

Shorty, you..you..got something coming for you now. xD
That sure is some attidude he has here. I see lots and lots of drama incoming, including him, Littlefoot, Ali and Bron.

You're sometimes pretty rough to your characters but you're using it to create room for a lot of possible outcomes that all look promising to keep your story interesting.

So yes, I will end this post with "OMG next chapter pleeeaaase" again. :D

Oh, wait...the name of that black longneck girl...you're not a Harry Potter Fan by any chance? :D (Who seems to hate Cho Chang for whatever reason xD).

Now I really need to hit the bed. xD
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 18, 2014, 08:34:54 PM
Well, I thought about Cho Chang indeed when picking her name (I suck at picking names, just saying...) :smile Just finished Order of the Phoenix two hours ago after three weeks of reading (didn't have much time to meh :p) so yeah I AM a HP fan :yes
Anyway, I'm glad you did review because
1. You made some good points and
2. This might be a new record... so many reviews :p
Seriously though...

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Shorty, you..you..got something coming for you now. xD
That sure is some attidude he has here. I see lots and lots of drama incoming, including him, Littlefoot, Ali and Bron.
Oh yep, yep, yep! Drama incoming. Feel free to call Shorty whatever insult comes to your mind :p

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You're sometimes pretty rough to your characters but you're using it to create room for a lot of possible outcomes that all look promising to keep your story interesting.
Yep, there ain't a good story without some tragedy; the readers must feel the pain the characters are feeling; a good writer creates certain feelings that the readers feel. Hope in was the case with some of you :angel

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So yes, I will end this post with "OMG next chapter pleeeaaase" again. biggrin.gif
I don't know yet when  and if I will switch my uploading speed to weekly... Need to proofread a lot of stuff not to mention write and revamp some scenes as new ideas have popped up :smile

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Oh, wait...the name of that black longneck girl...you're not a Harry Potter Fan by any chance? biggrin.gif (Who seems to hate Cho Chang for whatever reason xD).
I actually like Cho hence I picked her name... could've named her Nymphadora as well :lol
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 30, 2014, 11:47:01 AM
Here's the next chapter. Mind you that updates will come weekly again :yes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~++

 Chapter 21:

Bron wandered along the high walls of the place that was their home for an unknown period of time. The adult was deep in thoughts after his first talk with his son, having met him only hours ago. "Did I do the right thing by telling him my story?" he wondered. "Probably yes... He seemed to drop his shell the longer I spoke..." Bron decided after some thinking. He really hoped that their relationship which started off under really unfortunate circumstances would grow stronger soon; he hoped he could convince Littlefoot of staying with him. Now that he had finally met him, now that he finally had a confirmation that he and his parents-in-law were still among the living, he didn't want to lose either of them. Though, if he had to choose between them, Littlefoot would be his choice, obviously. "Only would he want to separate from his grandparents?" Bron knew that it would be tough to convince him of staying with him and his herd rather than his grandparents who had taken care of him for the better part of his young life. "If only Grandpa wasn't so stubborn..." Bron sighed. It would have been so easy... They would join his herd and travel back to the Lands of Daily Skywater once the event they all awaited would have occured. "But no! Grandpa and Grandma HAVE to stick to their oh so great valley, pffft!" Bron thought, infuriated. He didn't get what was so great about this Great Valley of them. He sort of imagined it to be quite similar to the place he was currently standing at... a green oasis in an, otherwise, hostile land, bordered against the outside world and filled with way too many dinosaurs. "Even worse is... it's not just our kind living there but all kinds of dinosaurs... how disgusting!" He wasn't a specieist but he didn't like the presence of dinosaurs other than longnecked ones.
"On a side note..." his mind mentioned grimly, "their Great Valley must protect them from pretators somehow... But what could possibly protect them better than their own friends in the herd? There is safety in numbers and we Longnecks sure make a much bigger impression on Sharpteeth than any other kind of leafeaters..." Bron couldn't understand. Why had they to decline his offer? Didn't they want to reunite the family after such a long time? What would his mate think about this, was she still alive? All these questions troubled the brown-coloured grown-up for he couldn't answer any of them for certain. He had his suspicions but no clear evidence that his assumptions would turn out to be true...
His thoughts returned to the event that was the actual reason for leaving his homeland, daring the perilous journey through neverending wastelands and other unlucky situations. "But we have made it without losing a single member!" Bron cheered. "We even grew in numbers!" he pointed out. Ali and Fiona had joined up his herd.
Suddenly, Bron remembered something; he remembered the little one asking him what he expected to happen. Now that he was in a thoughtful state he might as well think about that as well, so he thought.
That was, when Bron heard the noise down at the forest. He craned his neck and turned around.
"What's going on down there?" he wondered. Just at that moment, he saw Willie storming into the forest, whipping Shorty with his tail.
In a rage, Bron stormed down the wall towards the forest. Knowing Willie, Bron concluded he would only punish Shorty like that for a good reason.
Bron hurried even more for he knew that, whatever Shorty had done this time, he had done it due to his snappy reaction earlier...

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR BLOODY MIND!?!?!" Willie thundered. "Oh... wait until Bron arrives. This time he won't leave it at a lesson, I promise you that!"
Shorty couldn't reply - not only because he suspected that all his ribs were broken after the impact with the tree but also because his view was fixed on the bleeding girl.
"What have I done?!" he cursed again and again, his sanity slowly returning to him. By the amout of blood oozing out of the many injuries he had inflicted on her, he assumed that his actions would result in her death. "I'm screwed!!!"
Some grown-ups gathered around the girl whereas others fanned out to find some leaves able to cease the bleeding hurryingly.

Ali was disturbed by the sight of the girl bleeding yet she couldn't stop gazing at the black longneck, hardly any spots of her body still being black but rather red and covered in blood, until grown-ups blocked the view on her.
"Are you- are you alright, Ali?" Littlefoot asked, swallowing hard. Memories which he thought he would never ever have to deal with in his life again, returned to him with brutal, unponderable force. It suddenly appeared to him like it had been yesterday when he saw the huge Sharptooth ripping a huge piece of flesh out of his mother's back. He distinctly remembered all the blood that spouted out of the horrible wound. The youngster instinctively felt a strong admiration for his mother for saving his life by risking hers. "And losing..." he was reminded by the stinging feeling in his heart that quickly moved up to his eyes. Littlefoot reminded himself that he had to stay strong for Ali who seemed paralysed and petrified.
"Look at all the blood..." she whispered. "She is going to die..." Tears began to moisten her eyes.
"I can't believe why somebody would hurt a much younger kid..." Littlefoot said, having no understanding of such a cruel act. "I knew Shorty was trouble..."
"But I do..." Ali stated.
"Huh?"
"See, I can't tell you. This is something you really shouldn't know unless Shorty wants you to," Ali explained.
"Why?" Littlefoot asked. "Are you worried he's gonna do that with me if I know about it?"
"That also... but mainly I think I'd hurt the trust he has in me by telling you things he might not want you to know."
"I can't believe that you even care for such a thing!" Littlefoot then shouted. "Somebody who has the desire to kill can't and mustn't be trusted!"
"Littlefoot, you don't understand! Please, cut it out, I beseech you..." Ali sobbed. Tears were running down her face at a quick pace. "It's not his fault alone..."
"I-I didn't mean to..." Littlefoot stammered, feeling guilty for shouting at his friend.
Ali got closer to Littlefoot and rubbed her neck against Littlefoot's in an attempt to seek comfort on the one hand, and to accept Littlefoot's unspoken apology on the other hand. Both seemed to work since Littlefoot returned the gesture caringly.
"Let's go back to the berry bushes, I suggest," Littlefoot piped up.
"Yes, I think so," Ali responded. She soon stopped sobbing but she remained kind of disdraught.

As Bron stormed towards the forest, he saw Littlefoot and Ali only a little distance away. He quickly considered and decided to ask them what has happened for he didn't want to be unprepared for whatever he would have to witness.

"Littlefoot! Ali!" the two young Longnecks heard a voice calling.
"Bron!?" Littlefoot and Ali wondered in unison.
"What's going on in there?" Bron shouted in excitement and fear.
"It's Shorty, he..." Ali began but Bron had already stormed off. He had been able to read all he needed to know in Ali's eyes to have a relatively good idea what was going on.
Littlefoot and Ali hurried to gain some distance to the forest because neither of them wanted to witness in how big a trouble Shorty actually was...

When Bron came running into the forest ragingly, a few more trees had to pay with their existance; Bron uprooted them in his rage.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!?" Bron barked gruffly.
"Shorty has severely injured a member of the herd, Bron," Willie replied matter-of-factly.
"So has he? Is that true, Shorty?" Bron snarled, his brain drawing pictures one more insane than the other.
"Yes Bron," Shorty replied quietly. The boy looked at the ground in defiant shame.
"Where is the injured one?!" Bron then barked. He began to tremble somewhat.
"Over there!" Willie replied, pointing at the bulk of Longnecks that had gathered around the small body that lied on its belly in a puddle of its own blood.
"Scoot!" Bron ordered.
The crowd stepped back to allow their leader to look upon the beaten girl.
Bron observed the little one very carefully. He noticed her injuries and very soon he also noticed what was responsible for them."HAS HE REALLY USED THOSE ROCKS?!?"  Bron's gaze wandered to Shorty who was tainted in the girl's blood. The sight of the young one had deeply terrified him for he knew Shorty's background and quite possibly his motives.
"After all this time, Shorty... I thought you'd hate your father for what he's done to you and now you're just becoming like him," Bron said in a surprisingly calm tone. "I'm disappointed of you!" He didn't pay Shorty any more attention which was now focused on the hurt young one's wellbeing. Some Longnecks had apparently found the leaves that might save her. Bron, personally, covered the injuries that were still bleeding a little very carefully, hoping he wouldn't lose a member of his herd - a member who meant much more to him than most of the others...

"I wonder what's going on over there..." Littlefoot mused after having arrived at the berry bushes. During their short walk, he had recalled some memories, some of whom he didn't even knew they were still in his head - memories of his mother. He remembered the dramatic death of his mother and, particularly, her last words: "Listen to your heart, Littlefoot... It whispers, so listen closely..." It almost made him tear up just like Ali moments ago.
"I'm worried Cho won't make it, that's all I want to know... if she," Ali gulped. "If she 'll recover... or not."
"So you know her?" Littlefoot wondered, not hiding his own sadness.
"Yes, I know her..." Ali whispered with a choked voice.
"I'm sure she'll make it," Littlefoot assured her sympathetically. "The grown-ups know how to stop the bleeding."
"I hope so..." Ali snivelled. Tears formed in her eyes. "This girl has spoken to me on the first day I was conscious again and she's such an innocent soul... I can't believe that Shorty tortured her like that." Ali broke into tears, sobbing on the ground.
Littlefoot placed himself next to his friend and rubbed his head against hers to console her.
"What did you talk about?" Littlefoot asked emotionally.
"She wanted to know how I am feeling and if I wanted to play with her but I couldn't because I was still very weak back then," Ali replied shakily. "So we just... talked, you know? But then I got to know Shorty and when I saw how he treated the girl I decided not to talk to her as long as Shorty was around and he was always around... I don't think he has any friends besides me."
"Ah, I see," Littlefoot said. "I'm not surprised that he has no friends..."
"He's actually pretty nice if he wants to," Ali sobbed.
"Maybe he has a crush on you?" Littlefoot guessed.
"Huh?"
"I mean, he called you a sweet flower back at the treesweet tree..." Littlefoot explained.
At that moment, Ali considered this for the first time. How could she have not noticed this yet? Shorty was only so sweet towards her because he had actual feelings for her...
"Hmm, makes sense..." Ali mumbled. If Littlefoot was able to tell that Shorty had a crush on her, how long would he need to figure out that she had feelings for him? Ali prefered to admit her affection at a point in time that she felt was right rather than her secret being discovered by Littlefoot.
"Are you going to stay friends with him by the way?" Littlefoot then asked carefully.
"It depends on him..." Ali responded, calming down. "I'll talk to him as soon as possible. I hope I can help him to change... hopefully for the better."
Ali soon regained her composture.
"Thanks!" she eventually said, smiling weakly.
"Don't mention it!" Littlefoot said happily. "You have comforted me earlier after all."
"True, I guess that's what friends are for, right?" Ali snickered - a funny sight since her face was still wet from the many tears.
"True. Thanks for this surprise earlier by the way," Littlefoot exclaimed.
"You're welcome!" Ali chuckled shyly.
"Let's eat!" Littlefoot suggested.
Ali agreed. So they ate a lot of berries that Ali especially needed for she was still fairly thin and they played around a bit.    

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lots of stuff happening in this rather long chapter. Something you will have to get used to... I doubt any of the next chapters will be significantly below the word count of 2000 words... rather above :p
Tell me your thoughts, praise, critism, suggestions, possible thoughts concerning the next chapter etc :smile

NOTE: The first part about Bron was originally not longer than my comment is... the revamping was worth it I hope. Tried to enhance my style a bit... I tend to forget descriptions and thoughts when I write dialogues :angel

In chapter 22, we will see an momentous talk between Shorty and Bron and some more of Ali and Littlefoot. It's rather short with 1500 words :lol
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on June 30, 2014, 01:58:51 PM
Hey. :)

Sadly I won't give you any kind of review now, because of all the crap I have to do. xD

Buuut I do have something to say, and it's thank you. :D
You know, I was like this (http://s1.directupload.net/images/140630/be9t6hum.gif) when I noticed you updated the story. I took a really needed break and reading your newest chapter was perfect to help me free my mind somewhat and relax a little.

Even if you're not using a cliffhanger, I still want to read more. You know how to keep a story interesting. ;)

Oh, and...
Quote
After all this time

Harry Potter Fan, amiright? :D

So yeah, I'm looking forward to the next update. Now I should go back to more learning (I swear when this is over I'll finally create that longneck OC representing myself and the first drawing will be him smashing his head onto a piece of paper...or a treestar xD)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on June 30, 2014, 11:54:30 PM
This chapter was very well done, but there is so much going on that I almost don't know where to begin.

The chapter begins with Bron's uncertain thoughts.  I think that you did a fine job here in elaborating on Bron's disagreement with the grandparents and his latent speciesism.  At least Bron has enough sense to deduce that Shorty's trouble was more than likely caused by Bron's snappy reaction.  Bron seems to overlook some things in interpersonal relationships, but he knew that Shorty would not react well to that.

The interaction between Littlefoot and Ali was also very well done.  Ali shows some empathy for both the injured girl and Shorty, which elicits a response from Littlefoot.  This is an understandable reaction, as Littlefoot has not yet seen anything from Shorty that would make Littlefoot feel any sympathy for him.  The way in which he helps cheer her up was also a nice touch.

I do wonder what is going to happen to Shorty though.  :unsure: Even if the young longneck recovers, an assault like that would warrant rather severe punishment.  And if the girl doesn't make it... Well, Shorty has survived on his own before...  Of course that is assuming that the rest of the pack would settle with banishment and not demand the ultimate punishment.  It will be interesting to see how this develops.

I look forward to the next chapter.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on July 01, 2014, 03:29:28 PM
Thank you for reviewing you two ;)

RockingScorpion: Aww, no (actual) review? *makes tear-strained puppy face* Nah, it's okay. Glad I could help you switch off from revising for a bit :) And true, I know how to lay out my story in an interesting way indeed
I thought I'd already made clear in my last post that I AM a HP fan?  :idea
Oh, and whatever your next drawing is gonna look like... I bet it's gonna be cool :smile

rhombus:
Quote
This chapter was very well done, but there is so much going on that I almost don't know where to begin.
Guess how I feel reading your chapters sometimes :p
Shorty... well, of course he won't get away with a simple lecture...
Glad you liked my chapter :yes I'm rather happy with it myself.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on July 01, 2014, 06:16:31 PM
I kind of wasn't expecting to be able to, but I'm done with these exams now and I don't see why I shouldn't spend some time on a better and (hopefully) helpful review. ;)

Now let's see...

I like it that you're giving Bron a better defined personality, one that also fits to him. His part makes me wonder if you'll stick to the storyline as close as possible, considering that Littlefoot and him part ways after the movie what would then mean that Littlefoot and Ali would once again get separated and..oh well, speculations. No spoilers, please. xD

The way Littlefoot and Ali are talking lets them appear a bit more "grown-up" and acting not as childish as one might expect. The way they cope with this situation is showing that, also that they talk about crushes later in the same way. Oh, and you brought in the events in movie 1 when Littlefoot looses his mother. This is the biggest plot issue (http://fav.me/d5ho1xx) in all of the sequels, starting right with the first one. You definitely did something right there. ;)

Then I also noticed this sentence:
Quote
Now that he was in a thoughtful state he might as well think about that as well, so he thought.

Don't worry, your story is overall very well written, this was just one thing I noticed after reading the chapter for a second time. Three times a word linked to thinking is a bit much, but if you won't notice something like that, it's really no big deal, this last part is..what did someone I know called that? Ah yes, High Level Criticism. xD

About that Harry Potter thing...yep yep yep you did. But I just had to (it was meant as a reference, right? :D )
Oh and hold on a second...
First Bron says something Dumbledore said. Then we get to know that Cho means more to him than most of the herd. Both characters have something in common with the Harry Potter universe now...and I have a lot of weird ideas in my head now where you might take this. If any of these has at least something in common with your future chapters (time will tell) I'm going to do something. Time will also tell. xD

So, now I'm done. Can't wait for the next update. :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on July 01, 2014, 07:06:36 PM
^Thanks :DD That was very helpful! :yes

Quote
I like it that you're giving Bron a better defined personality, one that also fits to him. His part makes me wonder if you'll stick to the storyline as close as possible, considering that Littlefoot and him part ways after the movie what would then mean that Littlefoot and Ali would once again get separated and..oh well, speculations. No spoilers, please. xD
I'm so glad I added that Bron thinking part... It's a very good place in the story as I have realised last week :p And DON'T worry... Even I myself am not sure how to do this... I haven't planned anything in particular yet and I'll see what options will work best with the plot I follow. I hate reading spoilers myself :lol

Quote
The way Littlefoot and Ali are talking lets them appear a bit more "grown-up" and acting not as childish as one might expect. The way they cope with this situation is showing that, also that they talk about crushes later in the same way. Oh, and you brought in the events in movie 1 when Littlefoot looses his mother. This is the biggest plot issue in all of the sequels, starting right with the first one. You definitely did something right there. wink.gif
Oh, they're still innocent little children though in a difficult age :p They're quite shocked by the events so they act more serious and less childish :)
rhombus inspired me to add the reminder of Littlefoot's Mother. Thanks :p That's why I appreciate suggestions and constructive critism. The result is going to be better :yes

Quote
Don't worry, your story is overall very well written, this was just one thing I noticed after reading the chapter for a second time. Three times a word linked to thinking is a bit much, but if you won't notice something like that, it's really no big deal, this last part is..what did someone I know called that? Ah yes, High Level Criticism. xD
That's actually my attempt to use Ducky's speech pattern less obviously :smile Ehh, not really. Good catch! Might try to come up with a better wording, yep, yep, yep. :)

Quote
About that Harry Potter thing...yep yep yep you did. But I just had to (it was meant as a reference, right? biggrin.gif )
Oh and hold on a second...
First Bron says something Dumbledore said. Then we get to know that Cho means more to him than most of the herd. Both characters have something in common with the Harry Potter universe now...and I have a lot of weird ideas in my head now where you might take this. If any of these has at least something in common with your future chapters (time will tell) I'm going to do something. Time will also tell. xD
Waitaminnit... I referenced Dumbledore? :o Well, not on purpose, that's for sure :DD What exactly are the references if I may ask?
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on July 01, 2014, 07:14:33 PM
Okay then, but the fact that Littlefoot and Ali are able to talk stuff like this out shows that they are at least able to think about situations like that in the right way. Something I would've never been able to do as a kid.^^

And your "reference", well..
In the original, right after it's revealed that Snape is still doing everything he did because of Lily in the last book, Dumbledore uses the words "After all this time?".
Without the name "Cho" I don't think I would've ever made that connection. ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on July 08, 2014, 06:15:55 PM
Chapter 22:

"Take care of the little one!" Bron ordered, addressing some members of his herd. Then he turned to Shorty who wasn't daring to make a move.
"Follow me!" Bron snarled at the boy.
Shorty didn't hesitate.
He was being lead to the steep wall, as it seemed. Shorty watched Ali and Littlefoot in the distance. He feared losing Ali due to his violent actions. He knew Ali wasn't really happy about the way he had treated the black hatchling but what was the big deal? If Littlefoot was going to take Ali, he would get really mad for she was HIS little, sweet flower.
When Bron started climbing the walls, a whiff of anxiety developed in Shorty's mind.
"What if he's gonna ban me?" An unlikely but quite reasonable punishment for his actions, he concluded.

"Hey look, Littlefoot!" Ali suddenly called as she spotted Bron and Shorty climbing the walls of the valley.
"Bron and Shorty... hmm," he thought out loud. "Wonder what they're up to..."
"Isn't that obvious? Bron's going to give Shorty a lecture," Ali said.
"Well, I wonder what they will talk about," Littlefoot mused. "Wanna eavesdrop, Ali?"
"I'm... not sure," Ali spoke apprehensively. "See, if we get caught..."
"We won't get caught, Ali," Littlefoot assured his friend. "We'll just hide in one of those bushes and neither of them's going to find us."
"I'm not sure, Littlefoot..." Ali sighed.
"Oh please?" Littlefoot begged. "I'll take responsibility if we get caught, okay?"
"Well..."
"Pleeeaaaase..." Littlefoot really wanted to find out what Bron had to tell Shorty... or what Shorty had to say in his defence for that matter.
"Fine, you go first," Ali said eventually.
"Whoo!" Littlefoot called and walked towards the bushes, peeking at the last few steps but Bron and Shorty weren't at the top yet and not looking at them.
"Quick!" Littlefoot instructed and sprinted the last few metres, Ali close behind.
Having seated themselves on the ground, heads in the bushes to have a good look on the scene without being too obvious, Ali and Littlefoot listened to the unavoidable argument.

"Shorty... we need to talk," Bron said with a deep sigh. It was the second time today he had to have a difficult conversation for both parties.
Shorty nodded. He didn't want to anger Bron in any way.
"Why, Shorty? Why did you hurt Cho?" Bron asked, not understanding Shorty's intentions for such an act of cruelty, almost.
"I-I didn't mean to injure her like that. I-I sorta... lost c-control," Shorty stuttered. "I feel like crap right now."
"Oh, so you should," Bron spoke. "I know your intention wasn't killing so what was it then, Shorty?"
"I... dunno," Shorty replied. He really didn't know.
"Nobody tortures anybody like that without a good reason..." Bron remarked.
"Hey, I didn't want to torture her like that, okay?" Shorty shouted, Bron's tone slowly starting to annoy him.
"Yet you did..."
"I already told you I lost control, no need to repeat that," Shorty snapped.
"Let's start at the beginning maybe," Bron spoke as calm as he was capable of. "When did you start the attack and where?"
"Well, I was wandering around, mad at you. Then I spotted that b... I mean Cho close to the herd's resting place and well... you know..."
"What did you do then?" Bron continued.
"Oh c'mon, Bron," Shorty complained. "I don’t feel like telling you right now."
"You will tell me every detail I want to hear," Bron said, calm but imperative.
"What if I don't, eh?" Shorty retorted.
"A grown-up would have been banished if it hadn't been for a good reason..." Bron told the green boy parenthetically.
"Alright, alright..." Shorty grunted.
"The better you cooperate the sooner I'll leave you alone, just saying," Bron added.
"I approached her, okay? I wanted to insult her but she ran away so I went after her."
"Why did you want to insult her, Shorty? You've been reported many times for insulting younger children, occasionally hurting them. There must be a motivation behind it so tell me... please."
"Well, it... it's funny," Shorty said meekly. "And it makes me feel better."
"Alright, so it's funny? Never thought about how THEY feel?" Bron questioned, getting a little louder.
"Well, not really, I..."
"Then do so now!"
"I dunno..."
"How'd you feel if I whacked you with my tail?!"
"Dunno... hurt?"
"Bloody hell, Shorty! You know exactly how it feels!"
"Do I?"
"Don't fool me," Bron said threateningly.
"Oh, you mean thaaaat... now I get'cha..." Shorty had a bright moment.
"I can't believe that you did such a thing, knowing you've been in a similar situation in the past. I'm very disappointed!"
"You said that earlier already," Shorty pointed out matter-of-factly.
"If you don't stop being naughty right now, I'll whack you down this wall and trust me I will!" Bron thundered.
"Alright, alright..." Shorty said placatorily.
"So you followed Cho?" Bron continued as if nothing had happened.
"Yeah."
"What happened then?"
"I caught up with her and tripped her."
"What for?"
"Isn't that obvious? To prevent her from running away any further," Shorty told. "Or do you think I wanted to chase her through the whole place???"
"Right, continue."
"I attacked her, punched every spot of her body I could reach," Shorty narrated matter-of-factly.
"How did you feel?"
"Great. It felt great. Don't ask me why..."
"Why Shorty..."
"Not fair!"
Bron glared at Shorty.
"Alright, it uuuhmm... it felt great to have..power, to let the frustration out, see her suffering from the pain, seeing her fear."

Meanwhile, Cho had been placed on the back of her horrified mother who had heard of the attack only shortly ago. The little one had lost a dangerously high amount of blood but as long as the injuries wouldn't get infected she would be fine in a few days again, the elders said.
Cho's mother placed her adopted daughter whom she considered her own flesh and blood in her sleeping spot and guarded her little one.
"I will need a word with Bron later..." she thought, not angry at all; only worried...

Shorty's description worried Bron deeply. It was just like Shorty had described his father back then... and he was in the progress of becoming just like him...
"I don't need to tell you that isn't good, do I?" Bron sighed. "By the way, ever heard of this: A true man doesn't beat a woman?"
"Never heard of it," Shorty stated.
"I thought so... now..you punched Cho. How come you moved on to slamming her against the sharp-edged rocks?" Bron didn't attempt to hide his disgust and aversion towards Shorty.
"Well, good question," Shorty mused. "She kicked me in the face and I... I didn't get mad but I felt a desire to avenge that one blow..that's the point where I lost control, I guess..."
"I'd say this point was a whole lot earlier..." Bron muttered.
"What?!" Shorty complained.
"Attacking her was the point where you lost control, Shorty!"
"I've beaten her before, and I knew what I was doing all this time..."
"Like almost breaking her nose with that stone?"
"Yeah, I... how'd'ya know?!"
"Reports... One advantage of being in the lead of a herd is that you're always informed of what's going on..."
"SO?"
"The point is... you mustn't do such a thing again. Next time I might not be able to keep you in the herd, Shorty."
"You mean... you're gonna ban me?!"
"Oh, not this time; I'd regret it the next day. But if things aren't changing, I might need to sentence you and both of us don't want that to happen, am I right?"
"Yes!"
"Fine, so can I trust you, Shorty? Will you promise not to hurt one of the children again, either physically or by insulting them?" Bron gave a stern look.
"Well... I'll try, okay!?" Shorty grunted.
"Fair enough. Now, I believe you do understand that I ought to show the herd that I have control..."
"What's that s'posed to suggest?" Shorty asked suspiciously.
"I need to lecture you for your guilt is simply too heavy, and if I were you, I'd hope Cho's going to make it! If she dies, you're out!"
"WHAAAT?!?" Shorty cried.
"Yes, you heard right. You're grounded for the rest of our stay here!" Bron spoke in his leader voice.
"You can't be serious, Bron?" Shorty whined unbelievingly.
"I am! Follow me now!"
"Grrrrrr..."
"Don't look at me like that! You'll stay in the herd's area! Don't even consider running off because everybody will be aware of your sentence!"
Unwillingly, Shorty followed Bron in a trot. He didn't even look up when he heard Ali hissing his name... "Guess I deserve it..." Shorty thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now it's out: Shorty's grounded and Cho is all right... for the time being :p Hope you like it :smile

The next chapter is almost completely dedicated to Littlefoot and Ali. There'll also be a scene with Littlefoot and his Grandpa which will be interesting.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on July 14, 2014, 07:44:42 PM
No reviews yet  :blink: That's... worrisome :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~++

Chapter 23:

Ali was shocked and relieved at the same time; shocked because Shorty was sentenced pretty harshly; and relieved because Shorty wasn't thrown out of the herd for his unforgivable actions - in that point even Ali admitted that he deserved his punishment. She would visit Cho in the evening... if she still was...
"I'm not sure if I want to see Bron again..." Littlefoot muttered. "He seemed to be nice but the way he treated Shorty..."
"Well, you got to admit that he deserved that sentence," Ali replied. "From what Bron told me, Shorty has always been like that... treating the younger Longnecks badly and bullying them."
"I see..."
"He usually tries to avoid hard methods to rule and lead the herd," Ali explained with a stern expression. "Shorty's actions have never lead to more than a lecture and I guess you can tell that Shorty wasn't bothered at all..."
"So Bron has to show the herd that things aren't out of control, right?" Littlefoot asked, beginning to understand Ali's reasoning..
"Yep, such a severe attack against a herd member can't be dealt with by lecturing. I hope that doesn't hurt your attempts to get to know your dad, Littlefoot."
"Well... it isn't helping..." Littlefoot objected. "I guess I'll ask him about that tomorrow."
"Yeah, though he mustn't figure out that we were secretly listening, Littlefoot..." Ali mentioned.
"Right, guess we need to prepare a little story then," Littlefoot mused. "Ali, will you talk to Shorty later? You said you would try to earlier."
"Well...yes, I said I would try to but..." Ali responded hesitantly. "However, I'm afraid I won't be allowed to..."
Littlefoot gave her a surprised gaze.
"See Littlefoot, if he's grounded, he's technically not allowed to meet anybody. That's the way it was defined in my old herd anyway."
"Hmm... then you gotta make sure that you're neither seen nor heard," Littlefoot suggested.
"Kind of difficult if he's under the watchful eyes of the whole herd, isn't it?" Ali replied with the sort of sarcasm Cera would usually make use of. "They won't leave him a second without surveillance."
"Well, then you gotta try it when everybody's fast asleep..." Littlefoot spoke, witnessing how Ali's expression turned from concerned to happy and excited.
"Littlefoot, that's it!" she exclaimed merrily, looking straight into Littlefoot's brown eyes.
Littlefoot lost himself in Ali's eyes for a moment. "Gee, I can't blame Shorty for falling for her beauty..." Littlefoot thought before he returned to reality.
"Yeah, uhm... that should work as long as you're uhm careful," Littlefoot stammered.
Ali chuckled. She had noticed Littlefoot's short absentmindedness and she knew exactly why the Longneck she really liked acted that way. She gave him a sweet smile.
"Sure I'll be careful," she replied.
There was a short pause; they both watched a bunch of hatchlings playing tag in the distance.
"So..what are we going to do now?" Ali questioned, chuckling shyly.
"I dunno... hmm... maybe..."
"Liiiiiiittlefoot! Liiiiiiiiittlefoot!!!" Grandpa Longneck called after his grandson.
"Damn!" Littlefoot cursed which made Ali laugh again. "Guess I gotta go, huh?"
"Is it already that time again?!?" Ali complained. Turning her head towards the Bright Circle that was about to disappear behind the high walls of the valley, she quickly realised that it was getting late. "Damn!" she stated which now made Littlefoot giggle in amusement about Ali's complaint. "Why must you be too little to stay away from the nest until the Bright Circle has set, Littlefoot???" Ali whined teasingly.
"Hey!" Littlefoot objected. "I'm taller than you, little Ali!" He rose to his hind limbs
"Bet I am?" Ali countered, poking out her tongue. The pink girl rose to her hind limbs as well, having put a challenging and grim expression on.
Balancing on their hind legs the two young Longnecks stared at each other.
"Let's see who can push the other to the ground," Littlefoot exclaimed in anticipation.
"Okay, but I'll do the countdown," Ali insisted.
"Alright, female's first as the saying goes," Littlefoot snickered before turning serious again, concentration on a high level.
Ali concentrated on the task ahead. She was aware of the weakness that traced back to her daring attempt to cross a huge desert - a journey that was almost her last one. Nevertheless, she faced Littlefoot's challange. It was rather a game than a real challange anyway and the main aim in those games was always to win. Of course games weren't played for the sake of winning them but for the sake of having fun and doing things together with others. What counted was the attempt.
Looking at Littlefoot again and nodding to display her readiness to start, she awaited Littlefoot's response before she would start counting down. Littlefoot nodded slightly.
"Five... Four... Three... Two... Ooooooooone........ GO!" Ali screamed.
Both of them let themselves fall forward until their paws made contact. Ali already knew the winner when Littlefoot's impact almost caused her to fall onto her back. She was just able to push him enough to keep her defensive state while Littlefoot was grinning at her smugly, only using his weight thus far. "Damn!"
Littlefoot was enjoying this little game/challange a lot since he didn't have to do much. "I'm winning," he realised. "I shall go for the kill..." He slowly but continuously increased the pressure on Ali.
Ali struggled to resist the "attack" but her muscles became tired quickly. Only about ten seconds after the "fight" had begun, it was over already when Littlefoot managed to push Ali so far back that her centre of gravity turned from in front of her to behind her, causing Ali to fall onto her back and himself to fall onto Ali bellyfirst.
Both young Longnecks were roaring in laughter. Ali was laughing so hard that she ended up snapping for air. They remained in their rather awkward position, Littlefoot lying on top of his friend and pinning her to the ground, until Ali got enough oxygen again.
"Beautiful..." Ali thought as she looked into the sky. Littlefoot's head and neck were blocking part of it though. The Bright Circle was just in the progress of setting, producing an increasingly red sky. Ali gawked at the sight - watching sunsets was the absolutely favourite thing she would do before getting ready for the night. Though the girl couldn't decide what was astonishing her to a greater extent... the ongoing sunset or the handsome boy lying on top of her and smiling at her...
"Liiiiiiiiiiiittlefoot!!!" Grandpa called again, this time under the support of his mate as well.
"Right... I almost forgot..." Littlefoot thought. "Well, I did."
"Too bad that you have to leave," Ali said a little sadly.
"Yeah, though we'll have plenty time for playing tomorrow," Littlefoot answered optimistically.
"You're right," Ali answered, smiling.
"Coming!" Littlefoot shouted. "Well..." He got to his feet and released his friend. "Guess I gotta get going... see you tomorrow, Ali!"
"Yeah, it's been the best day in an incredibly long time," Ali mentioned. "Night!"
Littlefoot was just about to leave his friend for the day being when Ali called him again.
"Wait Littlefoot!" She walked a few steps towards her friend until she was very close to him. "I just want you to know that you're..." she paused because of smiling without control and looking to the ground ashamed. "... That you're my best friend," she managed to say before her emotions became too strong. She took Littlefoot by surprise when she snuggled her head against his. Littlefoot enjoyed the sudden moment of fondness.
"Well, I really gotta go now, Ali," Littlefoot eventually spoke. "I'm not sure if you're my best friend but you're the most special one since we hardly see each other."
"True..." Ali chuckled. "I will try to talk to Shorty tonight. Seeya Littlefoot!"
"Seeya!"
Littlefoot ran off - his grandparents were probably already considering to call after him a third time.

Ali stayed where she was for a while, watching the blaze of colours on the sky. She was so lost in thoughts that her mother had to nudge her to be noticed by the young one.
"Had a good day?" Ali heard her mother question her.
"Yep," she responded.
"You know Ali... realising how happy you seem to be now, I feel even worse for my... behavior before we - you decided to leave the herd," Ali's Mother spoke. "I honestly don't know why I was thinking that the Old One's rules were good for you... I mean... they were imposed for safety's sake but mostly not necessary."
"I'm glad that we've made it, mum!" Ali exclaimed merrily. "Now my life is worth living again."
Fiona noticed her daughter's dreaminess but didn't think much about it for Ali was often like that.
"There's one thing I'm worried about however..." she then spoke. "Have you heard of Shorty's... actions?"
Ali's expression changed considerably at the mention of Shorty's attack on Cho.
"Well, no..." she mumbled. "I have not only heard of it... I have witnessed how he pushed Cho against that rock."
Fiona was shocked. Even imagining the cruel scene sent a chill down her spine...
"Now you got to tell me, young lady," she said in concern. "How come you don't appear to be disturbed by this?"
"I was disturbed... ask Littlefoot if you don't believe me..." Ali retorted.
"I believe you completely," Fiona quickly added. "I only wonder why you don't really show that."
"See, I just had a really great day with Littlefoot after I hadn't seen him in an eternity.  The happy memories prevail the not so happy ones and I'd be more than happy if that stayed this way," Ali explained.
"It's okay, dear, " Ali's Mother said softly. "It's getting dark. We should go home now."
"I know, mum, but could I give Cho a quick visit? Only a few moments?" Ali begged.
"Well, actually..."
"Pleeeeease Mommy?" Ali did the puppy face.
"Alright... but only a minute, okay?"
"Thaaaaaaaanks! She'll be asleep anyway, likely..."
So mother and daughter took a longer way to their resting place.

"Hello Littlefoot," Grandpa said, greeting his grandson.
Littlefoot had soon met him halfway to their current resting location since Grandpa knew Littlefoot too well to assume he would come home right away.
"I take it you had a veeeery cool day?" he questioned, smiling at the young one warmly.
"Well, it's been a great day but there are also things that make me sad."
"Such as?"
"Well, my biggest concern is... Br... I mean, my dad." It took Littlefoot a lot of will to call Bron his dad since he really didn't consider him his dad yet. "He... I'm not sure what to think of him."
"Hop on," Grandpa offered. Littlefoot did as his Grandpa said. They slowly trotted back to the nest.

"Sleep now! Bron ordered. He and Shorty were back at their nesting area.
"But I ain't tired..." Shorty muttered indifferently.
"Shorty... must I remind of what we just talked about?!" Bron shouted in annoyance. "Why couldn't this boy just do as he is instructed?!?"
"Yeah, whatever!" Shorty snorted, turning away from Bron and lying down in his sleeping position.
"That you always have to make things so difficult..." Bron thought aloud. "Night!"
Shorty didn't bother replying to that. He now hated Bron deeply. He neither wanted to see nor hear him nor smell him, nor feel him. He thought about a way to avenge Bron's hard sentence but everything his mind produced would only be an invitation into the life of an orphan he was so used to in his younger days – and he hated it. The young one eventually calmed down his anger and managed to find some sleep.

Ali and Fiona soon arrived at the nesting place of Cho and her mother Yuyun. While Fiona exchanged a few words with Cho's mother, Ali visited the young girl. Cho was completely covered in different kinds of leaf but at some spots Ali could imagine the deep cuts beneath them. The young one took deep, rattling breaths.
Ali stayed with her for a few minutes until her mother urged her to move to their nest. She hadn't even attempted the wake up the young one for she really needed the rest and probably wouldn't have woken up anyway.
They went to their nest and quickly fell into a deep slumber - the day had been pretty eventful after all. Ali's dreams were dominated by the butterflies that were swarming around in her belly...

Grandpa soon arrived at their nest. Littlefoot hopped off him and greeted his Grandma warmly. She asked the same questions, he answered accordingly.
"So what have you been talking about?" Grandma kindly asked.
"Well, Bron told me his story..." Littlefoot responded. "The reason why we haven't met until today..."
"He has told us about it after you had run off," Grandpa spoke. "Do you believe every single fact?"
Littlefoot was taken by surprise. "This surely is a weird question... Grandpa usually isn't like that..."
"Well, I think so. Why should he tell me lies?" Littlefoot asked innocently.
"He could have tried to convince you of him..." Grandma explained. "What things did he tell you?"
"Well, he said he has a herd and that's undoubtedly true," Littlefoot started.
"Yes, that one is true indeed..." Grandpa sighed.
"Why are you sighing, Grandpa?" the young Longneck asked.
"You know Littlefoot... We have also talked about the future of our family and... Bron seemed to be unwilling to go to the Great Valley."
"We are therefore very concerned," Grandma added. "We won't join his herd; we have friends in the Great Valley and a settled life that old dinosaurs like us need."
"I see..." Littlefoot muttered, thinking about the matter. "I don't feel like joining his herd either. What about my friends?"
"We know, Littlefoot, we know, "Grandpa spoke. "Is there anything else that he told you?"
"Well, he said he'd be good at fighting Sharpteeth..."
"Good? He is a great fighter! Without him, we might not have survived long enough to hatch you, Littlefoot," Grandpa explained, an admiration of true sort in his voice.
"Oh well... Do you think I should try to get to know him better?" Littlefoot asked. "I'm not sure if I should because... well, things have been alright before he showed up. I.. I never needed a dad because I have you... you are like a mother and a father..."
"We are glad that you think so, Littlefoot," Grandma said with a smile and nuzzled Littlefoot.
"I suggest you to get to know him better," Grandpa exclaimed. "You might not consider him your father yet but if you spend some time with him, you might one day."
"Besides, he will be much more willing to join us if he has a strong connection to you," Grandma added. "But now it is time to sleep, the Night Circle has already rosen to the sky and the blinky lights are twinkling upon us."
"You are right, it sure was an eventful day," Littlefoot replied. He chose the softest spot of grass and plopped to the ground. "Night!"
"Goodnight, my little one," Grandma spoke softly, nuzzling her grandson one last time before he fell asleep - digesting the events of the day in his sleepstories...

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I had a lot of fun writing this :lol The part where Littlefoot and Ali are playing is a little random but I don't want to push the plot forward too fast... I want to show how the two play and have fun :)
This might be among the longest chapters I've written so far btw...

In chapter 24, a lot of things you probably won't expect will happen... I'll just say that it's a chapter in which things occur that don't happen in reality but happen nevertheless... if you catch my drift :angel
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on July 14, 2014, 08:42:25 PM
Well, things have certainly picked up in the last two chapters.  Shorty has been placed on a suspended sentence of sorts with the death of Cho (if it happens) resulting in his exile.  Undoubtedly a very harsh punishment, but very understandable under these circumstances.  If Bron was shown to give favorable treatment to Shorty then he might lose control over his herd members due to the perceived loss of control.  Furthermore, the other herd members might be tempted to resort to vigilante justice if Bron was seen as too lenient.  I rather like that Ali stresses this point to Littlefoot in the beginning of the latest chapter.  Ali, having lived in a herd prior to her time with Bron, would have more understanding of her dynamics and would be able to understand the concept better than Littlefoot - so that is an entirely believable conversation.  :yes

So now Ali is going to try to talk to Shorty... Interesting.  There are several ways that this plot development can go.  I also like the way that you depicted Littlefoot's and Ali's game.  It is interesting that the form of challenge (raising up on hind limbs and pushing against one another) is indicative to how a longneck mating challenge might have proceeded between two males, based upon how other herd animals from our epoch approach the matter.  Ali and Littlefoot are obviously unaware of that context.

The final conversation between Littlefoot and his grandfather is also a nice touch.  I like the slight suspicion between the grandparents and Bron as that would certainly be justifiable under the circumstances.  I also like the outright indication of the grandparents plan to entice Bron to go back with them.  It will be interesting to see how this develops.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on July 15, 2014, 08:08:56 AM
Thank you for the review :yes

Quote
Well, things have certainly picked up in the last two chapters. Shorty has been placed on a suspended sentence of sorts with the death of Cho (if it happens) resulting in his exile. Undoubtedly a very harsh punishment, but very understandable under these circumstances. If Bron was shown to give favorable treatment to Shorty then he might lose control over his herd members due to the perceived loss of control. Furthermore, the other herd members might be tempted to resort to vigilante justice if Bron was seen as too lenient. I rather like that Ali stresses this point to Littlefoot in the beginning of the latest chapter. Ali, having lived in a herd prior to her time with Bron, would have more understanding of her dynamics and would be able to understand the concept better than Littlefoot - so that is an entirely believable conversation. in-yes.gif
A harsh yet fair punishment indeed. As you have pointed out, Bron needs to show the herd that everything is under control and that such an accident is never going to be repeated. Bron himself doesn't really like to punish Shorty so badly but he's hardly showing it, mostly since Shorty isn't exactly acting innocent.
You are right. Ali has lived in a herd prior to having joined up Bron's and has learned the dynamics of herd life.

Quote
So now Ali is going to try to talk to Shorty... Interesting. There are several ways that this plot development can go. I also like the way that you depicted Littlefoot's and Ali's game. It is interesting that the form of challenge (raising up on hind limbs and pushing against one another) is indicative to how a longneck mating challenge might have proceeded between two males, based upon how other herd animals from our epoch approach the matter. Ali and Littlefoot are obviously unaware of that context.
Yes, the talk will be very interesting... not only due to the things happening in the next chapter :smile (The actual talk is in chapter 25 I think) Ali, after all, knows Shorty for quite some time now, having spend a couple of weeks with him the whole day, basically. She knows that Shorty likes her and therefore might make use of that. Ali obviously isn't happy about Shorty's actions though... :smile
Frankly, I didn't  think about the game that way when I wrote the scene :p It might indeed have been a way of challenging back in the time of dinosaurs...

Quote
The final conversation between Littlefoot and his grandfather is also a nice touch. I like the slight suspicion between the grandparents and Bron as that would certainly be justifiable under the circumstances. I also like the outright indication of the grandparents plan to entice Bron to go back with them. It will be interesting to see how this develops. in-yes.gif
Yeah :) Even though we didn't see what the Grandparents thought about their grandson sleeping and spending the day with Bron in LBT 10, I sort of believe that they were slightly sad about it. Littlefoot has been a huge part of their lifes and watching him gives them an important role to play (elder people often need such a "sense in life" :yes) It's apparent that both parties want a reunification that lasts... only they have divergant aim as for where to live and in what way? Herdlife vs. settled life in the Valley...

I'm glad that you like my latest installments :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on July 28, 2014, 07:32:40 PM
Sorry for the hiatus ^^ Was waiting for the corrections... Not that I would have needed it urgently considering the low number of mistakes :lol Posting schedule will stay weekly ^^

WARNING:Violence in this one. Don't read if you're offended by these things!!!

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Chapter 24:

Littlefoot sat on a cliff, looking into the distance. The sight was astonishing; from up there he could see far, far into the distance, and he could watch many dinosaurs going after their businesses in the friendly, green place beneath him.
"Huh? Where am I?" the Longneck boy wondered. The answer wasn't difficult to guess though. Littlefoot quickly discovered plenty of landmarks he knew by heart. He was at the Great Valley.
"How'd I get here? I've been wandering far away..."
Littlefoot gazed down at the crowds chatting, eating, drinking or playing. Many children - some younger and some older than he was - were having various sorts of games. "So where's the bunch of kids that I usually have games with?" Littlefoot questioned himself. Where were Cera, Petrie, Ducky and Spike? Where was Ali? Where was Bron - his dad?
Luckily for Littlefoot, he happened to find himself at a high elevated place in the Valley. Therefore, he could make use of that since he could overlook a wide variety of highly populated areas. Though he wasn't able to peek through the thick, green roofs of the uncountable amount of trees that were growing in the Valley and providing its inhabitants with all sorts of food in abundance.
The boy quickly spotted his friends close to the big river that was making its way through the Valley, providing his home with water that made the plants grow. How important the water from that very river was, he had witnessed when a shower of falling rocks blocked the river in the Mysterious Beyond so his home had dried up pretty fast which eventually lead to a dangerous fire. Littlefoot didn't want to be reminded of that...
"What are they doing there?!" he questioned himself, rubbing his eyes in order to make sure his eyes weren't fooling him. They weren't. To him, it looked like Ali and Shorty were with his friends. He couldn't exactly make out what exactly was going on over there but it didn't look good.
"What's Shorty up to?!" Shorty stood in front of everyone as if he was a grown-up lecturing them for disobeying... in front of everyone but Ali, the Longneck noticed.
"Why's Ali so... shaky???" Littlefoot was deeply concerned now that he saw his friend looking to the left and the right very frequently. "As if she is expecting an attack any moment..."  he mused.
Suddenly he heard a terrified shriek. "DUCKY!" Littlefoot cursed for not paying attention to the scenery for a second. He quickly took in the sight. Ali was curled up on the ground, apparently crying in fear; Cera was on the ground for reasons beyond the Longnecks knowledge; Spike and Ducky were running... "Running from WHAT!?" his mind raced. He then spotted the green Longneck chasing them, then catching Ducky and...
"HEEEEEEELP!!!!" Littlefoot heard Ducky and Petrie scream in unison.
Littlefoot didn't spend any further thought on this. His friends were in danger and he had to come to the rescue...

Ali was sitting on a wide meadow that was covered in all sorts of red, yellow, orange and rose flowers. The Bright Circle was about to touch the mountains in the distance before disappearing beyond them to introduce the time of the Night Circle.
Ali heard sounds behind her; Littlefoot was returning. Though she neither knew where she was nor what was going on but the scenery was simply astonishing thus she didn't care about those questions.
Ali loved flowers of all sorts - not only for their colourful beauty that she openly admired but also for their rather sweet taste.
The brown Longneck that was approaching her smiled at her sweetly. A strange yet pleasant tickle built up in her belly and Ali immediately recognised it. She always felt it when she was with Littlefoot or even in times where she would only imagine being with him. At the same time, her sniffer was catching a strong scent - and a familiar one at that...
"My favourite flowers!" her mind screamed excitedly. She hadn't had these flowers since she had been really young. It had probably been a fair while before she even met Littlefoot... She would never forget this sweet scent and this even sweeter taste... Littlefoot was carrying a whole bunch of her favourite flowers on his back and his smile grew the wider the closer he came.
"Hey Littlefoot," Ali greeted her friend formally.
"Hi again," Littlefoot snickered. "I found a lot of those flowers on my way to check back with my grandparents. I remember you mentioning them earlier today and, since you described them pretty well, I've been able to recognise them. Oh, and my folks said I could stay the night with your er..my dad's herd; so we could sleep together."
Ali's heart skipped a few beats while she was flying a big loop to Jupiter, Mars and back to planet earth. Her body was trembling in a vicious mixture of emotions. Her instincts told her to return the favor somehow.
"But how?" Ali already knew... though she'd save that for a later moment...
"Thaaaaaaaanks!" Ali exclaimed appreciatively. She approached her friend shyly and they tenderly rubbed their necks together. "This is very kind of you, you want to share the flowers?" Ali asked after she had stopped their gentle moment. "You’ve got to take a bite because they'll change your life forever."
Littlefoot chuckled at hearing that statement. "Sure, I'll take a bite," he answered. "But you get the first one."
"But-but I can't decide which flower is the best..." Ali objected.
Littlefoot chuckled once more. "You want me to choose the best one?" he offered.
"Hmm... oh yes, it would be an honour," Ali replied shyly.
That being discussed, Littlefoot gave the pile of rose flowers a closer look to pick the best of the best. The flowers were fairly big. Their wide, rounded, rose leaves had some white lines that were getting thicker the closer they were to the centre of the flower which consisted of a yellow pool of pollen, plant material and - the tastiest part - some sort of golden syrup. But most of all, they were pretty wonderful - even Littlefoot had to admit that, being a boy.
The Longneck boy soon decided upon a flower that was of a particular bright pink colour. He grabbed the flower with his mouth and took his position in front of Ali. "Dinnersch ready," he mumbled through his gritted teeth.
Ali almost lost herself while she was staring into Littlefoot's brown eyes. Smiling shyly, she moved her neck and opened her mouth a little bit. She softly touched Littlefoot's nose before she grabbed the flower. However, in a playful way to keep the fond moment a little longer, Littlefoot didn't release the flower. Ali didn't try to steal it from her friend. Instead, she began to munch on it, slowly approaching Littlefoot's mouth.
The boy watched the pink Longneck in excitement. Just when Ali touched Littlefoot, both of them heard a piece of wood crack as if somebody stepped on it.
Littlefoot immediately let go of the flower and alertfully observed his surroundings while Ali almost swallowed the whole flower without chewing due to the surprising event that destroyed the perfect moment for her possible first kiss.
"What was that?!" Littlefoot shouted slightly annoyed though rather concerned of Ali's safety.
"Whatever it was, I'll make sure it won't do that again," Ali growled angrily, a move that was hardly seen of her. She was usually hard to anger, Littlefoot reflected.
Ali felt actual wrath since a perfect opportunity to admit her love to Littlefoot by kissing him was forcefully destroyed. She looked around, but had to admit that there were little chances to hide in such an open area. "Well, I can still try in a bit..."  Ali thought as she was remembering the fact that she wanted to watch the sunset with Littlefoot. And the sun was just about to set...
"Littlefoot, let's just grab a few and eat the rest later or we'll miss the sunset," the girl suggested.
"Yeah, you're right," Littlefoot agreed. "Let's go!"
The two young Longnecks walked up a nearby hill. They were basically walking very close, touching one another very often.

Littlefoot's lungs were aching, his legs were tiring and his belly and back were stinging like crazy for they screamed after blood that they didn't get because his legs and his racing wrath used it all up. He desperately tried to reach them as soon as possible but it was an attempt that was doomed to fail.
When he finally arrived at the scene, he was shocked. He couldn't spot a single member of his gang but Ducky who was gasping for air terribly. Ali was there as well though she was a shaking piece of misery. She appeared to be unhurt however which relieved Littlefoot somewhat. Ducky, on the other hand, had turned blue. That observation horrified the boy. Simultaneously, he spotted Shorty standing in the water in a way that could only imply he was standing on top of somebody... somebody who was under the water surface!
Littlefoot was hit by a tsunami of wrath and that very wrath urged his exhausted legs to run towards Shorty with an incredible speed. While he was running, he noticed Ducky's problem. Her mouth was filled with a mixture of vomit and blood, the blood making up a much higher percentage. Since she lied on her back and since she was completely knocked out, her body fluids prevented her from breathing. Littlefoot hit his friend with his tail to turn her around while he was storming past her. He didn't even look back whether it had worked.
Shorty quickly noticed that he had a new opponent so he reluctantly released whoever he was standing on.
Littlefoot aimed straight at him and Shorty only grinned evilly as he watched Littlefoot approach in raging anger. Just in time, the green Longneck jumped out of Littlefoot's path of destruction so that the brown Longneck didn't hit him but charged straight into Cera who had just managed to break through the surface again. Littlefoot quickly dragged her onto dry land and continued his mindless approach on Shorty. However, he wasn't supposed to ever hit his target as he was becoming the target himself. Before Littlefoot could make out the danger, he was hit by something big. He immediately passed out...

"OUCH!!!!!!!!" Littlefoot yelled into the peaceful night. Even though he wasn't feeling any pain at all, his mind had connected the image of an egg-sized rock smashing into his face with brutal force with that particular reaction.
"Gee, that was some creepy sleepstory..." Littlefoot spoke to himself, his heart hammering in his chest. The boy looked up to the sky. "The Bright Circle will appear at the sky soon," he concluded as the sky was just becoming lighter in the east. Now the question at hand was whether he should get some more rest or get up. He considered for a while, then decided...

Ali and Littlefoot were sitting very close together on a hill that was ascending very smoothly in the east - where the two lovebirds came from - but descending very abruptly in front of them. They were enjoying a few of the sweet tasting flowers.
"Isn't it beautiful..." Ali mumbled dreamily. They were watching the Bright Circle's setting.
"Yeah, just like you..." Littlefoot answered just as dreamily. "You're prettier than anything I've ever seen and sweeter than the sweetest treesweet." Littlefoot looked Ali deep into her eyes blue like the sky on a sunny summer day.
"Did he really just said that?! He loves me?!" Ali thought excitedly. The butterflies in her tummy were dancing a quick waltz.
"Littlefoot..." Ali said, chuckling. "You're so sweet..." She got lost in his eyes.
Littlefoot struggled a little before he voiced up his mind. "Ali, I-I..." he shyly looked at the ground for a moment for he couldn't stare into Ali's eyes for a long time. Locking eyes again, he tried again. "I love you, Ali."
A simple sentence; subject, verb, object. To Ali, it meant a whole lot more. "I wanted to say that!" she chuckled insidely.
"Close your eyes," Littlefoot instructed calmly.
"He's going to kiss me, isn't he?" Ali thought. She closed her eyes as instructed and delighted in a memory that had yet to be made. She felt Littlefoot's breath, she felt his warm body beside her, and she felt his head touching hers. Softly, Littlefoot opened his lips and started to kiss her.
Ali was extremely shaky. She had never kissed before and the flood of emotions did the rest. A warm feeling appeared in her heart and instantly spread in her whole body as she opened her lips as well, returning the kiss. If she had had the possibility, Ali would have stopped time, preserving the powerful moment of fondness between the two young souls. However, their lips eventually separated.
Ali opened her eyes, smiling uncontrolledly. She was now the happiest Longneck girl in the world. "Littlefoot, I..." she was about the say when a whacking sound disturbed her. While she was turning around to see what was the cause of the sound, she heard another sound right next to her; a sound like something hard smashing bones. The heavy thud right next to her confirmed her worst fear. "Littlefoot had been hit by something!"
Upon turning to her friend, she received a shock. Littlefoot was down and lacking all conscience; though his head was a bloody mass.
"LITTLEFOOT!!! HELP!!!" Ali's mind screamed. "WHAT'S HAPPENED!?!" She rushed to her friend, tears beginning to moisten her eyes. She could tell that the injury was fatal since the boy's skull was not only broken but shattered into pieces. A sharp rock that was covered in some stuff that must have been his brain once was still stuck in the injury.
"LITTLEFOOT!!!" Ali screamed in terror.
"He can't hear you anymore, my sweet flower," a voice spoke smugly, chuckling slightly.
"SHORTY!!! You godawful son of a tar pit... LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!! I'M GONNA..."
"Calm down, I removed the betrayer. Now you're my little girl, Ali. You're safe now; I'll protect you." Shorty spoke.
"How dare you, HE WAS MY FRIEND!!!" Ali yelled at the appoaching green boy.
"So? He was weak and he was trying to fool you," Shorty retorted.
"LIAR!!! I NEVER LIKED YOU, I HATE YOU!!! I. HATE. YOU!!!" Ali roared furiously, deeply in grief about the loss of her friend and about to go for Shorty's throat.
"Oh, now you will have to like me... love me," Shorty snickered.
"I HATE YOU!!!" Ali cried. Tears erupted from her eyes. " OH I'M GONNA, I-I'M G-G-GON-N-N-NNA..."
"What are you gonna do, eh? Cry like a baby?" Shorty replied, amused.
Ali's resistance broke as she was collapsing, wailing on the ground.
"Awww, I guess I need to cheer ya up then, hmm? How 'bout some love, little Ali? I'll make it quick... and you'll enjoy it...
Ali rose to her feet, collecting all the strength that was left to direct it against Shorty. "CREEP!!!" she shouted and attacked.
Shorty merely chuckled and dodged the charging girl with ease. Ali tripped and fell.
"You fool, now that doesn't give me any other choice..." Shorty snarled. "It would have been so cool... you and me."
Ali weeped on the floor.
"Get up!" Shorty instructed, grabbing the rock he used earlier to murder his concurrent in terms of Ali's love.
Ali obeyed, much to the green Longneck's surprise.
"Farewell, my little flower..." he whispered before he raised his tail and flinged the rock.
Ali didn't care about anything anymore. She didn't even care about the rock that tore into her head. With a last scream, she was finally returning to reality. The horror was over... but the images in her head stayed...

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In case you have not figured this out yet... Littlefoot and Ali are having dreams :p
I'm very interested how people are going to receive this chapter as some elements are quite cruel and violent (not to mention the foul language  :smile ). Since Littlefoot and Ali are dreaming, digesting what they have experienced during the day, I thought I could be a little more extreme than I could have been in reality. I sure assume that all of you have had weird dreams in your life so that's just what Littlefoot and Ali are being haunted by...
Feedback, suggestions etc is much appreciated as always ;)

In chapter 25... well, Littlefoot and Ali have had their dreams but they will have to react to them... and of course Shorty shall have a sleepstory of his own as well ^^
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on July 30, 2014, 12:13:16 AM
Oh wow.  :wow Ali's and Littlefoot's concerns are now on full display.  Littlefoot is fearful of Shorty's aggressiveness and protective of his friends (as is his nature), whereas Ali is not only having romantic thoughts about Littlefoot, but she is also having thoughts of Shorty which interrupt the pleasant dream.  Her subconscious knows that Shorty and Littlefoot are both acting as rivals for her affections (at least in her mind) and the fact that she has known few of her kind is only exasperating that effect.  I wonder how each dinosaur will react to their dreams.  Will they accept the obvious implications of their dreams or will they ignore the disturbing thoughts that they bring?

I look forward to seeing how this develops.   :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on July 30, 2014, 07:57:36 AM
Quote
Oh wow. dino_wow.gif Ali's and Littlefoot's concerns are now on full display. Littlefoot is fearful of Shorty's aggressiveness and protective of his friends (as is his nature), whereas Ali is not only having romantic thoughts about Littlefoot, but she is also having thoughts of Shorty which interrupt the pleasant dream.
That's some good summary!  :lol I think I haven't pointed out Littlefoot's thoughts about Shorty enough yet so his dream is a start. The conflict Littlefoot-Shorty will become more important later in the story and Ali, as will be seen in chapter 25, is aware of that - at least subliminal :) "Protective" is a good word here. Littlefoot will show that a little more often soon.
Yes, Ali is having romantic thoughts :smile No good story without a proper love story ;) Well, a love triangle of some sort is always interesting; it'll also become increasingly important as the story moves on... She has a crush on Littlefoot while Shorty is just a good friend - well, of course their friendship is in danger now after the attack on Cho. Shorty has a crush on Ali though his interpretation of "love" is a little different from Ali's. The relationship bwtween Shorty and Ali will be interesting as well (as almost everything of this story ^^)

Quote
Her subconscious knows that Shorty and Littlefoot are both acting as rivals for her affections (at least in her mind) and the fact that she has known few of her kind is only exasperating that effect.
Exactly. Though Ali adores Littlefoot who hasn't shown anything that could imply that he has similar feelings and Shorty adores Ali... It's complicated :D And yes, maybe not something I thought about but very true...

Quote
I wonder how each dinosaur will react to their dreams. Will they accept the obvious implications of their dreams or will they ignore the disturbing thoughts that they bring?
Have fun discovering next Monday :)

That being said, thanks for you review! :exactly
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 04, 2014, 08:33:22 PM
Next chapter guys! It's quite dark however so you've been warned :p

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Chapter 25:

Ali's scream echoed through the oasis. The pink girl quickly observed her surroundings. She had, physically, returned to the real world despite her mind still being stuck in her bad sleepstory. In fact, her sleepstory had been that big a shock that the young Longneck began to cry. The impression of Littlefoot's smashed skull and all the blood that was carved into her memory freaked Ali out.
   
Shorty walked across a meadow. It was a small area within a rather sinister wood that was not covered by the main kind of vegetation - coniferes. His aim was a small pond only little distance away... Well, to be exact, his actual aim was the jetblack Longneck that was playing with the bubbles that kept building and popping. "That'll be so much fun..." the green boy who wasn't only much bigger and stronger but also cleverer than his victim thought in anticipation. Beating others was so funny...

Fiona woke up from a pleasant slumber. "Ehh what is it? I want to rest..." she thought when she heard her daughter's cries. Absentmindedly, she shifted around at her sleeping spot and addressed Ali.
"What's the matter with you, Ali? You're going to disturb the sleep of others if you don't quit crying."
Ali neither responded nor did she become any quieter.
"Had a scary sleepstory, dear?" Ali's Mother asked, being somewhat clueless.
At this, Ali nodded and moved over to her mother.
"Aww, it's alright. Nobody can harm you while I'm here," Fiona spoke in a calm tone. She consoled Ali for a few minutes until the young one finally recovered from her bad dream. Then Fiona fell asleep again. Ali did not.

Shorty walked on silent paws, slowly gaining on the girl. She didn't notice him until he was standing right behind her. "Surprise!"
"Fancy playin' all alone? Why not playin' with your friends, eh?" Shorty questioned  smugly. "Oh right, you don't have any friends, hahahaha!" he teased the girl.
"What do you want?" the young Longneck retorted.
"Hmm, dunno," Shorty said, smirking. "Playin' with ya?"
"I do not want to play with you!" the girl stated defiantly.
"Why not? We could play... bully," Shorty mused. "Haha, good idea..."
"Yeah, and you are the bully? No thanks!" She turned around and started walking away from Shorty.
"She ain't thaaaaaaat stupid..little shadow."
"Awww, I like girls who yell back. You really sure you don't wanna play?" Shorty questioned. "If she chooses to run away..."
"I don't heeeeaaaaar you!" the young one shouted at nobody in particular.
"Hey Sue," Shorty called. "It's Sue, right?"
"My name is CHO!!!" Cho shouted, not stopping in her quick walk. "See. Age. Oh!"
"I love it when she gets furious."
"Oh right... must've forgotten..." Shorty said sweetly. "Now to business..." "So Cho... what if I make you play with me?"
"I won't play, you can't make me!" Cho shouted defiantly.
"Well, I will. You return to this pond right now or you're in serious trouble!" Shorty threatened.
"Eat dust, you jerk!" Cho yelled and began to run away into the sinister forest.
"Well, you asked for it, shadow... I'll get'cha sooner or later anyway." Shorty went after her though he wasn't running very fast. Cho would be exhausted very soon...

Still being fairly shaky on her legs, Ali eventually got up from her curled up position and tried to make out where Shorty slept during the night. It was still very dark but the first signs of the approaching day were already recognisable far in the east.
The young girl hadn't forgotten her task to talk some sense into Shorty - at least that was her aim. Aimlessly, she walked past her snoring mother and many other Longnecks of the herd she was now a member of to seek out Shorty...

Shorty's assumption had been correct. Without putting much effort into his pursue of the young, dark-coloured Longneck, he quickly caught up. The area was very hilly and the ground was covered by quite a few rocks. Shorty observed a large hill that was fairly steep and Cho was heading that way so he decided to try chase her uphill. "She'll run out of breath if she tries to climb that hill," Shorty reckoned.
Having almost caught up, Shorty ran faster. At that, he tried to chase her up the hill by cutting all other escape options. Cho then did as expected and started to climb up the steep path.
Shorty smirked; the plan began to work.
While he was chasing her up the hill, Shorty yelled several insults at Cho. He could see the panic in her actions and even though Cho didn't yell back this time - for she was struggling to catch enough air anyway - Shorty could tell that they worked.
After about five minutes, Cho considerably slowed down. The two children were almost at the top, just having passed the steepest part of the hill. As a matter of fact, they had to climb rather than to run.
Cho's breath had become exceedingly heavy. Consequently, her legs eventually gave way. Snapping for air, she remained lying on the slippery and rocky ground.
"Perfect! She's done!" Shorty celebrated, smiling evilly in anticipation. Now he could finally do what he wanted to do much sooner already. But first...
"Hey Shadow, out of breath, ain't ya?" he teased her, being in a fairly good state himself. Cho was panting too heavily to reply. "You rotten hatchling, get up, will ya!?" When Cho didn't obey, he kicked her into the side. "Get up you lazy piece of trash!" Shorty shouted.
After receiving another kick, Cho attempted to get up and succeeded at that despite her still heavy breath. "Leave me... alone," she panted weakly.
"Why should I, eh? You deserve some company." "Okay, that sounded a little weird but whatever..." "Well, not really but you get the point..."
"I do not... deserve any... company. Not yours at least. You... are the one who is always... alone and... the one who doesn't... have any... friends."
"Well, she does have a point... Love it when she gets angry..."
"Friends are for losers, for such misfits like you. Though you're too ugly. Who'd want to be your friend? Right, nobody."
"Stop it, STOP IT!!!" Cho roared, tears beginning to build in her eyes. "I will... I will..."
"Cry? Go tell Mommy? B-b-beat me?" Shorty roared in laughter.
"GO AWAY!!!"
"What if I choose not to?"
"Then I will!" With that, Cho attempted to escape but Shorty reacted quickly and ruthlessly. He rammed the girl; Cho crashed against a boulder. Shorty quickly approached, a never-ceasing gleeful grin on his face. "I love it!"
"Now, what should I do with you? Hmm, a good ol' kick in the butt has never missed its effect..."
"PLEASE..." Cho begged but Shorty showed no mercy. First, he kicked the young girl until his legs got tired. Then he decided to whip some sense into her, using his tail. Eventually, he let go.
Cho was snivelling on the ground both in physical and mental pain.
"Fancy some more?" Shorty questioned smugly. "Well, seriously, how'd you stand all this? Hated by everyone... I would have killed myself already..." Shorty snickered. "Wanna kill yourself? You're a failure of a Longneck anyway..." "Wonder if she actually does it..."
Cho just cried louder.
"Awww, need your mommy? Oh, your real mommy's dead, ain't she? Guess she killed herself because she couldn't stand you?"
That was ultimately too much for the young girl. Blinded by rage, she jumped to her feet and rammed into the much taller, green Longneck boy. Being on top of him, she trashed her forelegs around blindly but Shorty pushed her off and rammed into the girl himself, pushing her against the boulder he had used earlier already. Extremely scared, Cho jumped to her feet yet again and tried to run away. Shorty gave chase. He already had a nice idea as for how to bully the girl further... well, his plan couldn't exactly be considered bullying but, in fact, Shorty was just doing that.
He cut her escape path a couple times until he had trapped her. Behind Cho was a very steep part of the hill - too steep to climb down and too big a drop to dare jump down. A wet treetrunk build a sort of ledge, and that was exactly where he wanted her to be...
"Why'd ya beat me?" Shorty asked, calm but threatening.
Cho sobbed in fear and despair.
"You know I'm gonna pay it back..."
Cho jumped onto the treetrunk and walked backwards, step by step. Shorty slowly approached her, smirking madly. "Wonder if she jumps..."
Eventually, Cho was at the end of the treetrunk. Behind her was a deep drop, in front of her was her torturer.
"Still sure you wanna end it now?" Shorty teased.
Cho curled up into a tight ball, awaiting any attack. "P-p-please d-don't hurt m-m-me."
"Aww , cute..." Shorty prepared to beat her once again but...
*Crack*
"Crap!" Shorty thought. He instantly tried to get away from the ledge as far as he could as quickly as he could.
Cho needed a long time to react; when she was finally on her feet again, the treetrunk cracked completely. Shorty was at the safe side of it already; Cho was not. Along with her half of the treetrunk, she fell down. The mighty impact on the ground threw her off the wood and right against a huge rock, and a tree, and another tree and so on. Incredibly fast, she rolled down the steep hill, crashing against all sorts of obstacles.
The sight even concerned Shorty. Even though he was a reckless bully, he was worried about the girl. "If she dies from this drop, I'll need to find a new victim..." he figured. Cursing, he climbed down the hill...

Littlefoot headed to the place where he met his father the day before. He decided it would be no use to try to fall asleep again as the sleepstory made him too thoughtful. Rather, he had decided to watch the sun rising. "Maybe it'll help me think..." he guessed. He made himself comfortable on the floor and did exactly that... thinking.

Shorty soon found Cho. She had only stopped her fall close to the bottom of the hill where the gradient wasn't big anymore. Shorty immediately noticed that the girl was injured. "Not surprising after such a drop and fall..." In fact, he noticed that she was bleeding quite badly and her neck was in a creepy position, so was one of her front legs.
Shorty's heart skipped a few beats upon realising what he was just seeing. Cho's injuries were fatal. She didn't breath anymore and Shorty wasn't foolish enough to try reanimate her .
"Ehh... fuck!" Shorty cussed. It wasn't her death that was really bugging him but rather the fact that he had to find a new victim. "Cho was just perfect as a victim..."He then decided to speak to the dead body. "I'm sorry, Shadow. Didn't really want you dead, actually. Well, you will be remembered as the ugliest thing that ever dared to enter this world. Your mum must be proud! Well, rest in peace, misfit..."
Just as Shorty began to walk away from the dead Longneck, he heard wood shattering. "Crap..."Helplessly, Shorty had to watch his adopted father approaching him in rage. He was greeted by a severe hit of Bron's tail that cracked all ribs in his chest. The impact on the ground that followed soon after, added one of his hind legs to his injuries.
"The punishment for killing is death, Shorty. I can't protect you anymore..." Bron approached Shorty slowly. Then he raised his forelegs...
"I DIDN'T KILL HER, SHE FELL DOWN ON HER OWN!!!" Shorty screamed in despair and panic.
"Yes, and I'm a Ground Crawler... farewell!" With that, he crushed the young Longneck that he once considered his son under his weight. Shorty screamed...

Ali didn't need long to discover the green Longneck. The slowly lightening up sky spend enough light to recognise her surroundings. Bron and Shorty had only slept a stone's throw away from her.
"Alright, here comes the tricky part..." Ali realised. Her task was now to wake up Shorty without startling him and to talk to him without anybody seeing or hearing them.
She then walked over to Shorty, making sure to move as quiet as possible. When she saw Shorty shifting around in his sleeping spot, she instantly knew that he was having a sleepstory too - quite possibly a bad one since he was murmuring in his unsettled slumber. "If he's mumbling any louder he's going to give me away!" Ali cursed. Carefully, she approached the restless sleeper.
Just when she had arrived, opening her mouth to take a breath and softly call his name, Shorty began to roll around on the floor and eventually awoke with a startled scream.
"AHHHHHHHH!!! I didn't kill her, trust me, I didn't!!!" Shorty cried.
"You didn't kill whom?" Ali questioned.
"Waaaaahh! A-a-ali, w-what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here!" Shorty pointed out.
"Well, I wanted to have a few words with you yesterday but since you are... grounded - for a good reason - I figured I need to talk to you while everybody else is asleep..." Ali replied, keeping her voice low and not failing to sound accusing. "I suggest we walk a little distance to get away from everyone. They won't get up that early in the morning I hope..."
"Uh sure," Shorty replied. He followed Ali, still being kind of freaked out by his sleepstory.
"This place should be alright," Ali eventually declared, having stopped at a small pond where some lizards were making some noise anyway.
"Yeah, I guess... Now what do you wanna talk about, my little flower?" Shorty gave her a chatting up look.
"Don't call me that!" Ali snapped back which surprised Shorty.
"Hey, stay cool, will ya?" the green Longneck replied placatorily.
"If I were you, I'd be glad that I visit you at all!" Ali shouted. "You actually deserve to be left alone!"
"Oh, come on! Ali, what's the problem?"
"The problem?! You don't know? I tell you!"
"Go ahead..."
"See, you know violence is something that I don't like."
"So what? I don't like you playing with that Littleneck either and I don't get furious about it."
"You're such an ignorant son of a tarpit! Do you know how Cho felt when you rammed her against that rock, huh? You don't, right?"
"Calm down, Ali. She doesn't deserve any better treatment. She's a misfit, a worthless being."
"So that's how you function?! You jerk! What if I tell you YOU'RE a misfit? How'd you feel, heh? Everyone has a right to live, and nobody has a right to take it away! You were threatening her survival! Now tell me how she felt; how you'd feel! Tell me!"
"Ali, I..."
"Tell me!"
"Fiiine! I'd feel pain, so what? No big deal, I'm used to feel it."
"You think you're cool, right? I tell you, your macho behavior is so off! You'd want Bron to push you against those rocks?"
"If he must..."
"Shorty, this is leading us nowhere! What you did was wrong!!! No, disgusting, just disgusting... I thought you're a good friend but the only term that describes you properly is cruel. You're so coldhearted! I'm wasting my time here... Bye!" Ali ran away in tears.
"Ali wait!" Shorty called.
"Tomorrow, same time, same place! THINK about what you've done! THINK about your life... You'll have more than enough time to do that. You have no friends, and you're supposed to stay at the herd's resting place, all day, all alone. I wouldn't want to be you..."
"Will do, Ali. I swear..."
"You better do... In the meantime, I'll have a nice day with Littlefoot. He, other than you, has a heart and likes me for what I am, not so he has SOMEbody he could call a friend! Think about my words!" Ali finally ran away, leaving behind Shorty, bewildered. The boy eventually returned to his sleeping spot. He fell asleep again soon...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take a breath and swallow what you've just read  :angel Shorty's dream is pretty dark and his reaction in the talk with Ali is pretty... hard to swallow. Yes, the Shorty we got to know in LBT 10 is a jerk... but the Shorty in this fic is worse... at least at the current stage of this story ;) Tell me what you think :) Did I go too far?

About the next chapter, I can only say that there will be a change in emotion as opposed to the darkness lately and I promise you you will be surprised :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on August 04, 2014, 11:31:13 PM
Whoa.  :o

Shorty's internal thoughts have certainly shed some light on the green longneck.  He seems almost sociopathic in his concern for the bullied girl ("If she dies from this drop, I'll need to find a new victim...") and definitely shows no remorse when talking to Ali about the situation.  This would make sense as secondary psychopaths are made that way by environmental factors (like abuse and neglect) as opposed to being born without empathy.  He also has a much greater emotional reaction to stimuli in the way that a person on the secondary psychopath spectrum would, whereas a full-blown primary psychopath (like Sierra, for example) would have little emotional connection to others at all.  If Shorty is near the secondary side of the spectrum, then there is still some hope for him.  He could gain more socialization with those who he does care for and be taught that even those who he does not care for have some value.  However, you have definitely painted a much darker picture of Shorty and one that actually makes a lot of sense psychologically.  When I took a course in personality psychology, I encountered several examples in case studies of people with similar backgrounds developing the traits that you have shown in your story.  In fact, some of the parallels are chilling.  

All that being said, I do like this darker turn.  Shorty is still capable of empathy for a choice few people and this shows that he is not beyond redemption.  He will need to expand his empathy (or at least develop a code of conduct for those 'unworthy' of his empathy) in order to constrain his destructive influences and not drive off those who love him.

I am very interested in where this is going.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 05, 2014, 09:18:14 AM
Whoa, looks like I have succeeded in making his behavior believable and, on top of that, it even fits this typical sociopathic profile... In all honesty, I haven't made any studies on that subject prior to writing this. I was just imagining how Shorty might think and react to all this :)
I'm glad that you are fond of this darker turn :) However, the next chapters won't be as dark as the previous ones :yes

Thanks for you review and analysis of Shorty's behavior :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: RockingScorpion on August 06, 2014, 06:50:04 PM
So, finally I found time to write down my reviews of the last two chapters in this thread. Starting with 24. ;)

Uhm...sheesh, those two have some dreams there. But I guess that's not surprising after everything that has happened.
Was it intended by you to confuse your readers for a while? If yes, you succeeded. xD

And to 25:
Woah, Shorty. That guy has some nerves. Calling Ali "little flower" again and then acting like he did nothing bad at all and, long story short(y): Being pretty much an idiot. Way to go to impress her. Not. No wonder she's leaving short(l)y after that.

This isn't settled at all. I can imagine that the situation will calm down in the end, but not so soon. I can smell some fights between Littlefoot and Shorty coming up. :D

That's it for now, I don't know what I could add here. But...
I said it sometimes already but you know how to keep your readers. Next chapter. NAOW. :D
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 07, 2014, 11:48:24 AM
Thank you for reviewing :lol

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Uhm...sheesh, those two have some dreams there. But I guess that's not surprising after everything that has happened.
Was it intended by you to confuse your readers for a while? If yes, you succeeded. xD
In a way, I intended to confuse you guys :p Well, I was rather afraid some people might not get what's happening  :angel My idea was to have the three main characters at this point coping with the experiences they have made at day and process their emotions. That of course can happen quite in an extreme way... if you're having weird dreams occasionally, you know what I mean :p

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And to 25:
Woah, Shorty. That guy has some nerves. Calling Ali "little flower" again and then acting like he did nothing bad at all and, long story short(y): Being pretty much an idiot. Way to go to impress her. Not. No wonder she's leaving short(l)y after that.
Yeah, Shorty acted very... funny. Ali said she'd meet him again so let's see how the next meeting goes (it's already written down) ;)

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This isn't settled at all. I can imagine that the situation will calm down in the end, but not so soon. I can smell some fights between Littlefoot and Shorty coming up. biggrin.gif
Yes, the situation will calm down somewhat but who knows if it's just the silence before the storm strikes with all his might? ;)
Fights? Well, I think it's no secret that Shorty hates Littlefoot for he's a rival. There might not be fights anytime soon... but things always need some time to grow... and that needs some time:P

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I said it sometimes already but you know how to keep your readers. Next chapter. NAOW. biggrin.gif
Well, that's good to hear :DD Thank you!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on August 09, 2014, 07:07:02 PM
Dark

I know I know-I can talk right? xD

Scary dreams for all three of them.

Shorty is such a...beep beep.


I love how Littlefoot and Ali are kinda in love,some light on this story of darkness and depression. Shall we see more romance in the future? xD though I doubt Shorty will approve of 'Littleneck' stealing his 'little flower.

Also looking forward to more Littlefoot and Bron moments I want to see their relationship build to where Littlefoot accepts him as his 'real' father,cause he did say Grandma and Grandpa were like both a mother and father to him now he has to accept one who is pretty much a stranger as his father. Also his 'adopted brother' is a psychopath..just saying :lol

Sorry lame review but I don't have time to give a full detail review these days.

 :
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 09, 2014, 07:44:40 PM
I'm always very happy if people review and if it's just one or two lines... I highly appreciate it. Thanks for the review Nahla :lol:

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Dark

I know I know-I can talk right? xD
Yes, the story has quite a dark touch as of late but it's gonna be less dark from now on  :exactly At least for a while ;)

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Scary dreams for all three of them.
Yep, you got it :)

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Shorty is such a...beep beep.
:lol  Lol you're so right about that! Shorty is... being quite a jerk to put it mildly ^^

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I love how Littlefoot and Ali are kinda in love,some light on this story of darkness and depression. Shall we see more romance in the future? xD though I doubt Shorty will approve of 'Littleneck' stealing his 'little flower.
Yeah, like I always say: "there ain't a good story without some romance to it." :p Of course there are stories that work without romance very well... but Littlefoot and Ali just being friends is just so boring isn't it? Shorty's crush on Ali is what makes this really interesting ^^

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Also looking forward to more Littlefoot and Bron moments I want to see their relationship build to where Littlefoot accepts him as his 'real' father,cause he did say Grandma and Grandpa were like both a mother and father to him now he has to accept one who is pretty much a stranger as his father. Also his 'adopted brother' is a psychopath..just saying dino_laugh.gif
Very true. Other than in LBT 10, I have decided to make this a whole lot tougher. In my opinion, Littlefoot accepted him way too quick. The next chapter with direct interaction between those two will be one of the next couple chapters but then there's going to be a long break just coz so much stuff happens :D I have at least half a dozen of scenes that are going on at the same time so the progress is very slow :p

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Sorry lame review but I don't have time to give a full detail review these days.
It was okay, really. Thanks for it again!  :exactly
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 11, 2014, 05:57:55 PM
Chapter 26:

"A beautiful sight..." Littlefoot noted as the Bright Circle was slowly appearing in the east; a big, orange ball of fire. "I wish Ali could see this with me... or my friends. Gee, I miss them. Wonder what they're doing all day.." His friends... Would they miss him too? "Sure they do!" Littlefoot was determined about that. Their relationship was too strong not to miss each other.
Littlefoot's thoughts shifted over to Ali again. "Hmm, I wonder if she has managed to talk to Shorty... if my sleepstory turns out to come true one day... No, that would be too shocking to imagine," Littlefoot figured. Shorty was suspicious to him, especially after he had almost injured the tiny Longneck almost fatally. "If he attacks Ali like that..." Littlefoot would never forgive the green boy if he injured Ali like he injured Cho.
He turned around to see if he could spot Ali anywhere but the trees were blocking the view into the area where Bron's herd was residing. But then he saw a figure breaking out of the trees. "Ali?" Littlefoot wondered. It was a Longneck of his age and she appeared to be pink just like Ali... at least from some distance. "It ought to be her but why's she running? Is Shorty pursuing her?!" Littlefoot was worried about his friend. "If Shorty..."
However, Littlefoot realised soon that Ali wasn't chased by anybody. She seemed to head towards his nest though.
"Here I am!" Littlefoot called as loud as he could, hoping Ali would hear him. Littlefoot saw her looking up to where he was standing and changing her way. "Good, she has heard me but still... why is she running?"
A few moments later he knew why... As Ali was climbing the wall, she was finally close enough for Littlefoot to see her expression. To his surprise and fear, she was crying.
"Ali, what's wrong?" he questioned her as soon as she had arrived at the top where he was standing. Ali sobbed violently instead of giving an answer.
"Hey, I'm here, Ali..." Littlefoot whispered sympathetically. He went to her and began to comfort Ali.
After a few minutes, the girl calmed down again.
"What's wrong, Ali?" Littlefoot repeated his previous question.
"It's Shorty, he..."
"Did he hurt you!?" Littlefoot almost shouted.
"No, he didn't. But if you hear him talk... he's just so cruel and he seems as if he doesn't even care about the harm he's done... He's almost as coldhearted as a Sharptooth!"
"Worse..." Littlefoot muttered. "Sharpteeth do what they have to but Shorty could easily drop that attitude of his... I don't understand why he acts like this...."
"But I do..." Ali muttered, sighing.
"Something about his mysterious past?" Littlefoot asked at a guess.
"Yes, you see... Shorty was abused by his father before he ran off finally," Ali explained. "And he's slowly becoming just like him which is what worries me most..."
"I'm amazed that you actually bother with him... he's only making you upset anyway." Littlefoot couldn't understand. "Though Cera was really bitchy when we travelled to the Great Valley and we're still friends even though she often makes me upset..." Littlefoot thought.
"Well, try to imagine how Shorty feels," Ali spoke. "He has no friends except me..."
"Ali, guess WHY he doesn't have any friends! He scares everyone off and insults or even hurts them, including you. He's not exactly trying to find any friends either..."
"He has a point..." Ali admitted to herself. "But maybe I can save him..."
"Yes, I know Littlefoot. But he has probably never been taught the values of friendship... Hence he has always been a loner so far." Ali paused. "B-but I thought that I can save him from becoming the monster his father is according to what he has told me..."
"Yeah... maybe but why do you care about him? Just because I'm not calling you sweet flower on every occasion?!" Littlefoot questioned ruder than he intended to. "Why am I so jealous? Ali's just a good friend and nobody could possibly change that!" Trying to sound less accusing, he continued. "I mean... be honest. What's so special about him?"
"I...I don't know, Littlefoot..." came Ali's answer. "He's just a friend... he used to be really funny and we used to share a lot... like not having had a great childhood."
"I think we should try to use the limited time we got to have fun together," Littlefoot suggested. "We've both missed each other dearly and we're probably forced to separate again soon."
"Maybe you're right, Littlefoot. Still, I will try to talk some sense into Shorty. He can be a good guy if he wants to. Just give him a chance, please?"
"Fine, as long as you leave me out of this," Littlefoot shrugged.
"Okay, I will... So what are we going to do in our limited time together?"
"Well, er... since the sun has risen already, we can't watch that together so let's get ourselves some breakfast. How does this sound?"
"Sounds fine, Littlefoot. Though, maybe, I should tell my mum where I am first..." Ali mused.
"Yeah, might be good advice to do so as well," Littlefoot chuckled. "Where are we gonna meet again? At my nesting place? Maybe my grandparents are kindly getting us some treesweets from the tree, you remember?"
"Yes, that sounds good. See you soon!" Ali called.
"Yep, seeya Ali!" Littlefoot replied.
They separated, returning to their respective nesting area...

The green Longneck stood on top of the big wall that bordered the fertile, tiny oasis against the rough wastelands that dominated the land he was used to travelling through. He took in the beautiful sight. The Longneck, being neither particularly tall nor small, wouldn't normally pay such things any attention but this was a special place. Something wonderful would happen here and all Longnecks longed to see it - even he who had always been... different. He didn't like playing when he was young except the games that included hurting others. He never had anybody he could consider a friend; his parents didn't care about him. Even his mate, he didn't choose because he loved her, but because he wanted children he could teach his values... He was still amazed that she stayed with him until shortly before the eggs would hatch and that he didn't have to force her to give him the kids, one of whom had made it throughout all the hardships of living in the Mysterious Beyond. His name was Hart...

"Grandpa? Grandma?" Littlefoot asked quietly. He had just arrived at the clearing which his grandparents had decided to be their sleeping area. The two elders were still fast asleep.
"Ohh, what is it, Littlefoot? Why are you up so early in the morning?" his Grandpa grunted sleepily.
"Well, I just wanted to ask you whether you could get me some treesweets I can't reach... A-and I'm up so early because a scary sleepstory woke me up and I couldn't fall asleep again so I went off to watch the Bright Circle rise." Littlefoot paused. "I just wanted you to know where I am so you aren't worried."
"Very well, Littlefoot..." Grandma yawned. "Though could you get yourself some other stuff for breakfast? Grandpa and I are still very tired from our long journey..."
"Oh, I see..." Littlefoot mumbled, a little disappointed. "Well, later you're gonna get me some, aren't you?" Littlefoot pressed on.
"Perhaps... Go play now Littlefoot, please," Grandpa begged, being very tired.
"Okay... I'll be with Ali, most likely," Littlefoot called before turning around and getting to move over to Ali's nesting area.
"Have fun..." Grandma managed to say before her eyes shut again, falling into deep slumber once again as was Grandpa...

"Such a wonderful place, such a llllllovely place..." Hart noted. Somewhere in this mess of trees, bushes and longnecked dinosaurs had to be some of the leaves he enjoyed eating so much, enjoying being too weak a term to describe the lust that even thinking about the leaf caused... He hasn't had any of them in ages and it drove him crazy and he needed them like the daily drink at the watering hole and the nightly sleep...

"Mum?" Ali spoke quietly.
Grunting, Fiona opened her eyes and turned to her daughter.
"What is it, dear?" she questioned sleepily.
"Uhm, may I go play with Littlefoot?" Ali questioned.
"Sure you may but don't you wanna have some breakfast first?" Ali's Mother wondered, yawning.
"We had planned to have our breakfast together..." Ali said shyly.
"Oh, that's fine. Will you return at some time of the day or will I have a whole day to relax?" the grown-up chuckled.
"I don't know. If Littlefoot needn't, I won't either I guess," Ali said, shrugging her hips.
"Just be careful, little one..." Fiona said before falling asleep again.
"What a sleepy egg!" Ali snickered. Happily, she turned tail and ran back to meet up with her friend again.

Hart craned his neck. His son Ricky still hadn't made it up the steep wall...
"Hurry up, will ya!" he yelled.
"Yes, sir!" came the response of a young, blue-ish Longneck. He picked up speed and was right next to his father in no time.
"Good lad..." he mumbled absentmindedly. His son had just reminded him of the other children of him... the two girls died not soon after the brat ran off because they ran out of water during one of the many journeys through endless deserts. His other son was taken from him by a Bellydragger when he hadn't been watching for a second. "Well, and the brat ran off..." It would honestly surprise Hart if he survived. "Well, if he did he's gonna have to explain himself... or else..."
"Come on, Ricky!" he ordered. "Let's find us a suitable spot to sleep for the next few days."
"Yes sir!" Ricky responded immediately, setting to motion.
"So it's good, son..." Hart mumbled, getting himself to move as well. "I suggest we snooze off for some time before we explore a little..."
"Yes, I agree, sir..." Ricky yawned, having walked the whole night.
Soon, they found a place that was a little off the heavy populated area so they wouldn't be seen or disturbed by playing kids or curious neighbors. They lay down and fell asleep right away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uuuuiiiii, who's dat stranger? :p Well, I suppose it is quite possible to guess...
Hope you like the read :exactly

The next chapter could be considered a filler very well but I hope you're gonna enjoy it anyway :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on August 12, 2014, 09:30:02 AM
Ooh it's...wait you'll kill me if I say it.


I'm happy Ali is giving Shorty a chance,everyone deserves a chance.


Oooh,Littlefoot's jealous,he is in looooooooooooove.  :lol.


Nice chapter,gotta love Littlefoot and Ali moments.


I really don't have much to say,sorry.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 12, 2014, 10:43:22 AM
Hehe, thanks again for your comments :D

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I'm happy Ali is giving Shorty a chance,everyone deserves a chance.
Ali does know that Shorty has done a terrible mistake but she also knows that the battle isn't lost. Shorty is one of the very few friends she ever had and, obviously, she doesn't want to lose him again. She is in a kind of struggle because she knows Littlefoot has no understanding of this but she likes him very much. And she just knows that Littlefoot and Shorty aren't thinking high of each other...
Everyone deserves a chance indeed :)

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Oooh,Littlefoot's jealous,he is in looooooooooooove. dino_laugh.gif.
Well, Ali is the one who has a crush but she sure activates some feelings in Littlefoot :lol Like jealousy :p

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Nice chapter,gotta love Littlefoot and Ali moments.
Can't argue with you. Love them as well, hence you can expect more of that. I'm considerably slowing down the progress of the plot now since there's so much stuff happening anyway that some rather random scenes do fit in very well in my view :smile

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I really don't have much to say,sorry.
Hey, you're only keeping things short :p You see how much I could reply to your few words ^^
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on August 12, 2014, 06:40:44 PM
There are several interesting twists in this chapter.  

First of all, I rather enjoy the interchange between Littlefoot and Ali.  Littlefoot's jealousy is believable here, but also makes some very good points.  For whatever it is worth, I would also advise Ali to say away from Shorty under these circumstances.  It is generally a bad idea to associate with others which display sociopathic tendencies (even if they are family).  We may know that Shorty has some redeeming characteristics, but Littlefoot has no indication yet that that is the case.  

Secondly, the arrival of Hart is an interesting development.  I highly suspect that I know who this character is.  :p  But I am curious to see how this develops in the future.

Overall, a rather good chapter.  :)

I only had one correction to suggest.

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"I'm amazed that you actually bother him... he's only making you upset anyway."

"I'm amazed that you actually bother with him... he's only making you upset anyway."
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 13, 2014, 03:07:16 AM
Thank you for the review. I have corrected the small mistake :)

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First of all, I rather enjoy the interchange between Littlefoot and Ali. Littlefoot's jealousy is believable here, but also makes some very good points. For whatever it is worth, I would also advise Ali to say away from Shorty under these circumstances. It is generally a bad idea to associate with others which display sociopathic tendencies (even if they are family). We may know that Shorty has some redeeming characteristics, but Littlefoot has no indication yet that that is the case.
Yes, staying away from Shorty is the thing most people would do in this situation but Ali tries to "save" him. This is on the one hand because she doesn't want to lose a friend and on the other hand because she fears that Shorty might do harm to those she cares about. That,  of course, will be hard since Bron has basically isolated Shorty when sentencing him. Despite Shorty's tendencies to be a loner - to be someone who doesn't have any friends, isolating him is certainly leading him further away from what is commonly considered "normal". He has time to plot, he is frustrated, jealous, angry and embittered... and most of all he enjoys when others are in pain and torment... and he's more than willingly the one causing it :yes
It is not too late of course... and Ali knows that. Of course Littlefoot doesn't approve of it, being the protective leader of his friends that he is. It might be a sllight portion of selfishness as well but more than everything else, he is scared of Shorty and therefore avoids him. As people have pointed out recently, the relationship of these started very poor and fights are quite possible. And, knowing Shorty's accuracy in flinging stones, this is nothing Littlefoot should look forward to...

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Secondly, the arrival of Hart is an interesting development. I highly suspect that I know who this character is. dino_tongue.gif But I am curious to see how this develops in the future.
You will be surprised. I promise you that :DD However, it will take some time until he will appear again since a lot of things are going to happen within the next few hours in the story - and quite some of them concurrently :exactly

I'm happy that you liked this chapter :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 18, 2014, 07:39:52 PM
Next chapter guys! Uhm, you sure remember back then when I was having a huge writer's block issue? Well, this chapter marks the point where I got new ideas and still counting :p Well, try figure out where exactly that turning point is in this chapter ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+

Chapter 27:

Littlefoot and Ali met halfway between their respective nesting areas.
"Hey again!" Littlefoot called, smiling.
"Hi..." Ali said shyly, returning the smile.
"I'm afraid we can't have treesweets this morning because my grandparents are sleepy eggs," Littlefoot complained.
"Hehe, my mum fell asleep while telling me something," Ali chuckled.
"Oh gee, those grown-ups..." Littlefoot said, joining the laughter.
"Yeah..." Ali sighed, still chuckling.
"So... what are we gonna do? Just get SOME breakfast?" Littlefoot asked. "I wanted a special breakfast this morning to celebrate that we have met again... and to return the favor for your berries... They were yummy!"
"You're welcome. You were sad so I wanted to cheer you up... and you did cheer me up earlier and also yesterday when..."
"I know, Ali... Now what to do?"
Both fell silent for a moment, pondering.
"We could ask Bron..." Ali eventually mused.
"You think that's a good idea?" Littlefoot questioned doubtfully. "I still don't know what to make of him..."
"It needs time, Littlefoot," Ali assured. "He's our only option at the moment I believe..."
"I really don't think he's gonna get us the..."
"Littlefoot, are you not going to make me happy, heh?" Ali teased, making puppy eyes.
"She cornered me..." Littlefoot cursed. "But I really don't want to ask Bron... ehh my dad... gotta call him dad..."
"Do you want me to c-c-cry?" Ali continued, acting as if about to burst into tears.
"As long as you ask..." Littlefoot answered, having seen through Ali's wrong sniffing. "I really don't want this place to be flooded after all..."
Both collapsed to the ground due to an attack of laughter.
"Hehehe, alright I'm going to ask, come along!" Ali called as soon as she had recovered from laughing very hard.
"Cool," Littlefoot replied. His eyes widened when he realised that Ali was running very fast. "Darn! She called a race and I didn't get it!" Littlefoot cursed, abruptly getting to motion as well. "I'll have my revenge later..."

Bron woke up. The Bright Circle's warm rays started to warm up the small valley and its current inhabitants. The tall Longneck stretched his muscles and checked his surroundings. All around him, he could see other Longnecks - members of his great herd, some of them still asleep and some of them already awake, having their breakfast or following up other activities that came to their minds.
Bron's attention switched to the green young one, sleeping a little distance away. "I would be amazed if he didn't try sneak off at night..." Bron mused. He mindfully observed the boy and tried to make out any signs that would speak for his assumption that was based on knowing Shorty for a long time already. The boy had never been one to obey easily. Often, he would seemingly obey but ignore his orders behind his back. Being the herd leader, he was often too busy to have an extra eye on Shorty after all.
"Hmm... he is still sleeping at the same spot where he fell asleep in the evening..." Bron observed but then something fishy caught his attention.
"He did leave the nest at night," he concluded as there were trails in the soft ground. After some more detailed observation, he also noticed that somebody must have approached him. Shorty must have followed that dinosaur. The footprints were invitingly reliable so that Bron had a pretty good guess who that somebody was...
He decided not to wake Shorty for the time being. He would have to spend enough time at the nesting area already - all alone with nobody to talk to...

"Gotcha!" Littlefoot exclaimed in triumph. After an intense chase, he had caught up with Ali and, since he wanted some revenge for being challenged but not precisely told, he tackled the pink girl and pushed her to the ground playfully.
"Hahaha, I won!" Littlefoot declared happily. Ali joined in his laughter.
"Whoa, next time we walk... I'm exhausted," Littlefoot chuckled.
"Well, you should be stronger than me but you're complaining and I'm not," Ali teased, poking her tongue at Littlefoot while regaining her breath that was indeed going a little heavier than Littlefoot's but not by much.
"I'm not complaining, I'm just lazy," Littlefoot prostested but Ali didn't take his words seriously.
"Of course... boys are always lazy. We girls do the real work..." Ali stated matter-of-factly.
"Yeah whatever, I'm too lazy to discuss this now..." Littlefoot said defiantly, making Ali chuckle slightly. "Let's continue our way to Bron... and breakfast."
"Yep, I'm hungry too," Ali said agreeingly.
"Then let's go!"

A few minutes later - Bron was talking to a few members of his herd, Ali and Littlefoot arrived at the sleeping area of Bron and Shorty.
The green Longneck awoke just when they came into sight. He uncurled himself and got up, wondering what the two had in mind in coming to his sleeping area. He was grounded after all..
As Bron spotted the two young ones approaching, he finished his talk with some Longneck of his herd and turned his attention to them. He was quite surprised to see his very son visiting him prior to the time they agreed on.
"Littlefoot, Ali... what a surprise," he exclaimed, undoubtedly excited and happy about their visit. "You're sure morning dinos, aren't you?"
"Well, not really, we were both just haunted by sleepstories so..." Ali began.
"So we met up and tried to get our folks to get us breakfast," Littlefoot added nervously.
"Yeah, and they sure aren't morning dinos," Ali chuckled.
"Cool," came Bron's response. "Well, I'm sorry neither of you got his beauty sleep... Shorty here is the most grumpy dinosaur in the morning you can imagine by the way..." Bron snickered.
"I can hear you..." Shorty grunted from the distance.
"Funny, last time I checked he was still asleep..." Bron mused, gently overhearing Shorty's sardonic comment. "Anyway... why did you come to visit me? Especially you, my son?"
Ali looked at her friend, deciding that, despite their earlier agreement, it was Littlefoot's turn to reply to Bron. She nodded at the boy.
"Well, w-we wanted to ask you if you could... help us get some breakfast..." Littlefoot answered shyly. His legs were shaking a little due to his nervousness.
"You need my help?" Bron laughed. "There's plenty of food in your reach..."
"See, we are looking for something that only grows high in the trees; out of our reach," Ali explained.
"Yeah... you-you remember yesterday?" Littlefoot wondered. "When we tried to climb up that treesweet tree..."
"Well, I climbed up," Ali made an amendment. "You and Shorty were helping me..."
"Yeah... I do remember," Bron sighed. "Y'know I'm still a little shocked that you actually climbed up there in your condition, Ali..."
"Yes... it was silly," Ali admitted in embarrassment.
"Yep, it was. Whose idea was it anyway?" Littlefoot wondered.
"It was Shorty who wanted to get the treesweets for me in the first place..." Ali spoke. "But it was my idea to climb up."
"Well, I'll grab you some treesweets but then I have to take care of the herd, okay?" Bron offered.
"Sounds good," Ali cheered.
"Yeah, thanks..." Littlefoot murmured.
Bron grabbed some tasty treesweets off the tree and dropped them to the ground, grinning at the two young ones sheepishly.
"Thanks!" the two young ones called before Bron left them again. Grinning at each other, they started their breakfast.

Ali fixed her gaze on a particularly juicy looking treesweet while her mouth was still too full to talk with another fruit in it, being shredded by her teeth into little pieces that not only were more wholesome to her tummy and easier to swallow but that also created an even more intense, sweet taste on her tongue that was busy touching as much of the stuff as possible to maximize the pleasure. Ali couldn't remember having had such a delicious meal in a long while and she could only think of one thing that was even tastier...
The pieces were finally small enough to be swallowed down, being transported into her tummy where they would be digested, giving her new energy for the day and, quite possibly, a sugar rush. Ali grabbed the treesweet she was studying just moments ago and somehow managed to fit it into her mouth whole.
Littlefoot, enjoying the sweet fruits just as much as his friend did, almost spit out the content of his very own mouth as he was watching the girl eating greedily and, moreover, unmannerly. As soon as he had emptied his throat, he spoke up.
"Ali, don't you think they're a little too big to eat whole?" he questioned, his voice conveying serious concerns for the wellbeing of his friend - she could choke on the stuff after all; his facial expression conveying the strong will to crack a smile. His mind decided to allow him to show his amusement openly.
"Nohhh, day are nottt..." the pink youngster managed to say. It was a miracle to Littlefoot how she could speak at all with her mouth so full.
"I wish you could watch yourself eat..." Littlefoot mused, snickering. "Wait, I'll show you!" He grabbed a rather big fruit, gave Ali a twinkle and stuffed it into his mouth. The young Longneck acclamatorily munched on the fruit, half of which he spattered around madly.
Ali teared up due to laughing hard, or maybe due to almost choking on some fruit that happened to have gone down the wrong throat? Whatever the case, Littlefoot sensed the danger and rescued his friend by softly patting her back with his tail so that she could cough the fruit out of her trachea easier. He himself somehow managed to swallow what was left in his mouth before bursting into laughter.
"Better?"
"Yeah..." Ali coughed.
"You still... think they're... not too... big?" he managed to cry out in between his laughter.
"Uhh... maybe?" Ali chuckled once she had got rid of her cough attack.
Only now the boy noticed just how much of a mess he had created himself. Parts of the fruit and its juice were everywhere on the ground around him, including on himself and Ali. "Gee, talking 'bout eating unmannerly..." he mused. Ali noticed this as well; both had to suppress yet another chuckle before they could continue their breakfast.
"Gee, hope Bron - Dad didn't see that..." Littlefoot thought before tucking into his next treesweet.

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Uhm... like I indicated in my last update, this chapter could very well be considered a classic filler and even I myself think it is one. Still, every sentence, every action, thought, dialogue etc. is meant to show something. It might seem pretty random and it's not really pushing the plot forward but I do have an intention. Try to figure out if you like ^^
On top of that, I thought some happy and funny/hillarious scenes are a good contrast to the previous, darker ones :yes Oh, and I also meant to practise descriptive writing in the last paragraph  :angel

I really hope you like this chapter. I promise things will pick up soon enough ^^

So yeah... next chapter. Well, there will only be one active character though others are mentioned and/or thought about. That's all I say ^^
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on August 19, 2014, 01:49:45 AM
A rather nice chapter.  :) Yeah, every story news an occasional respite in order to provide for characterization and a break from the action of the plot.  This installment seems to cover both of these objectives quite well.  The interactions between Littlefoot and Ali were well done and quite believable, whereas Littlefoot's struggles to think of Bron as 'Dad' was also quite cute.  After years of not having a father present, he must now try to adapt to having one in his life.  I can see a lot of inner struggle later on when he may have to decide to join with his father or to return with his grandparents.  The addition of Shorty and Ali into the mix will complicate matters quite a bit.  

I look forward to the next chapter.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 19, 2014, 11:31:03 AM
Thank you for the review. Yes, Littlefoot will have to struggle later on in the story and, with Ali and Shorty having an influence on Littlefoot, this will be a hard decision ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on August 19, 2014, 08:28:11 PM
This chapter was so cute ^^.

I loved this part

Quote
Littlefoot, are you not going to make me happy, heh?" Ali teased, making puppy eyes.
"She cornered me..." Littlefoot cursed. "But I really don't want to ask Bron... ehh my dad... gotta call him dad..."
"Do you want me to c-c-cry?" Ali continued, acting as if about to burst into tears.
"As long as you ask..." Littlefoot answered, having seen through Ali's wrong sniffing. "I really don't want this place to be flooded after all..."


Oh the puppy eyes and the 'I'm gonna cry' thing gets em everytime :lol.

Littlefoot and Ali are so adorable..man it seems Littlefoot is adorable with any girl  :lol

 
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"Of course... boys are always lazy. We girls do the real work"

I know a little OC of mine who will agree with that haha.


Great job,it was a cute little filler ^^ a break from massive action is needed every now and then.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 19, 2014, 08:54:59 PM
Thanks for the review, Nahla! :D

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Littlefoot and Ali are so adorable..man it seems Littlefoot is adorable with any girl dino_laugh.gif
Might be true :D

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I know a little OC of mine who will agree with that haha.
I guess you inspired me to write that  :idea Sorta...

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Great job,it was a cute little filler ^^ a break from massive action is needed every now and then.
Yeah, a filler never hurts I suppose :yes Glad you liked it! Yep, yep, yep!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Zimba on August 20, 2014, 11:01:57 PM
I don't have much to say since not much happened in this chapter.

Awww Littlefoot and Ali are so cute  :D.

Poor Littlefoot,he doesn't really know what to make of Bron,he has to keep reminding himself to call him 'dad'. It would be sweet if the whole family-so Grandma and Grandpa too got together,maybe seeing his Grandparents accepting Bron as their grandsons father might help Littlefoot accept him too? But I don't know,I'm sure you got it all figured out.

Good chapter,had some really cute moments,

Oh and a typo

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Bron rubbed some tasty treesweets off the tree

'rubbed' should be 'grabbed'. rubbed means something waaaay different  :yes

Keep it up.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 21, 2014, 11:53:50 AM
Thanks for reviewing ^^

Quote
Awww Littlefoot and Ali are so cute biggrin.gif.
Oh yes! :lol

Quote
Poor Littlefoot,he doesn't really know what to make of Bron,he has to keep reminding himself to call him 'dad'. It would be sweet if the whole family-so Grandma and Grandpa too got together,maybe seeing his Grandparents accepting Bron as their grandsons father might help Littlefoot accept him too? But I don't know,I'm sure you got it all figured out.
I haven't figured out anything yet. Though I guess there will be enough time until the solar eclipse occurs so I can fit it in anywhere. Bron and the Grandparents will have to talk again sooner or later...

Quote
'rubbed' should be 'grabbed'. rubbed means something waaaay different in-yes.gif
That's certainly NOT what I meant to type here :angel :lol Thanks for pointing out ^^

Glad you liked this chapter, Zimmy!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 25, 2014, 07:38:40 PM
Alright! Have fun with this rather introspective chapter. Other than usual, there's only one scene which doesn't mean it's any shorter ;)

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Chapter 28

Bron wandered around, pondering. He wasn't going a distinct way but his tracks slowly approached the nesting place of Ali and, moreover, Cho and her mother Yuyun. "Cho..." Bron's thoughts were focused on the event that happened the other day. Cho, the jetblack little one who had been among the hatchlings that he had found when he was roaming the Mysterious Beyond for his now found son, had been severely hurt by his adopted son Shorty. He recalled from the few months he was directly taking care of them prior to their adoption that Cho had always been a sort of underdog even amongst the hatchlings, not to mention Shorty... "Shorty..." he sighed deeply. The grown-up made an attempt to exclude Shorty from his thoughts, at least for the moment - he had more important things to think about. It seemed to work as his mind fixed on the young girl again. "She had always been bullied... sorta," he remembered. "But she was stronger than she looked and undoubtedly tougher than most of the others... strangely..." Cho had indeed been taking much more without whimpering than the others did. They would always cry around for, not seldomly, absolutely ridiculous reasons. Cho, on the other hand, wasn't a girl who complained. She hadn't spoken a single word when hunger and thirst had aggrieved them and tried to do things on her own almost as stubbornly as Shorty. "Though Shorty was proud... and still is...Cho was only shy and undemanding. She only requested help when she really needed some," Bron noted. It was true; Cho always stayed for herself. He never really got to know more about her than that she didn't have any parents, once she got old enough to learn speak. "Amazingly, she learned speaking just as good as the others despite hardly ever using speech at all..." Bron recalled. She had always spoken very articulated and clear, much to his surprise.
"I'm drifting off..." Bron noticed with a slight chuckle. Actually he wanted to ponder about something other than Cho's speech patterns; actually, he wanted to remember some facts about Cho to have a better understanding of Shorty's attack.
"She had always shrugged off Shorty's words..." Bron recalled. "Wait! Did she really ALWAYS shrug them off?" Bron believed to have a memory where the very opposite happened. The tall Longneck rummaged in his brain. "No, she didn't!" Bron had found the memory. It had been long ago but, now that he remembered the memory, the images and the dialogues were engraved into his mind like he had known them forever...

It was a day like any other day in the mysterious lands. Bron had just become the leader of a steadily growing herd a few weeks ago who were roaming through the land they had decided to become their new home - the Lands of Daily Skywater, as they called it for it rained almost every day.
One day - Shorty had meanwhile become sort of his adopted son - the green Longneck had interrupted him while talking to some member of the herd, with a bloody nose.
"What happened Shorty? Why is your nose bleeding?" he asked.
"That weirdo girl tried to kill me!!!" the young one shouted furiously.
"Who happens to be "the weirdo girl"?" Bron continued, not being able to suppress a grin - he knew exactly how Shorty got his bleeding nose and from whom.
"That jetblack Shadow!!!" Shorty cried in fury.
"Jetblack longneck hmm... name?" Bron kept asking.
"Pfffft! I guess her name is "Cow" or something like that..." the youngster grunted.
"Ahh, you're talking about "Cho"!" Bron exclaimed, acting very well to hide that he actually knew who Shorty was referring  to. "Well, what did she do? Kicked your butt, huh?"
"Yeah, she did, that ugly thing!!!" Shorty roared.
"Beaten by a girl... what a shame..." Bron mused, snickering at Shorty's face.
"Actually, she didn't kick my butt that badly," Shorty declared defiantly. "I kicked her ugly behind worse!"
"But I don't see her whining around..." Bron teased, as Cho’s foster mother walked only a few trees ahead of them. "Actually, I don't see her anywhere... she's usually with Yuyun..." he thought, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Well, I..."
"You didn't hurt her, did you?" Bron raised an eyebrow. "I don't want to start a searching party to find her lying in some bush..."
"I'd never do that!" Shorty shouted.
"You know where she is?" The grown-up's words grew a little stingy.
"Well, no!" Shorty cried. "She ran away like a coward!!!"
"And you're not gonna run anywhere today!" Bron said strictly, grabbing Shorty with his tail.
"What!?" Shorty whined but his supervisor didn't pay him any further attention.
"Did anybody see Cho?" Bron questioned nearby Longnecks. "Black little one about this size? Noone?"
A few minutes later, Bron had called a break and ordered a search party to find Cho. It wouldn't have been the first time the young one went missing...

A few minutes later:

"Cho, is that you?"
Bron had found the little one sitting on a tree trunk, seemingly sobbing.
"I FOUND HER!!!" he called loudly to inform the others so that they could cancel the search. He turned his attention back to the young one. "Cho, we were starting to worry... what's wrong? Why are you staying behind?"
Cho's sobs grew in intensity.
"Was it something Shorty said or did?" Bron said calmly, dropping the leader-tone he was using just some moments ago and replacing it with a soft and understanding one. Unknown to the girl, Shorty sat on Bron's tail, ordered to keep his mouth shut.
Cho replied with a nod; Bron could make out a tear that dribbled down her nose. Then she answered. "Are you mad at me?"
"Oh, why should I?" the grown-up mused. "I can tell that, having known you for quite some time now, you wouldn't hurt a bug so Shorty must have said something really awful... Tell me about it, Cho. Please?"
"No." It was only hummed but her words conveyed much more than defiance, anger and sadness. Bron knew he had lost but he still tried to make her see reason.
"See, little one... I only want you to tell me what happened so I can sentence Shorty properly. I won't tolerate him bullying you but it'd be easier if you were more open with me sometimes..."
Cho seemed to ponder about this, her tears still flowing steadily.
"I only want to help you, little one..." Bron explained, almost begging.
Bron couldn't tell whether his request had worked but he COULD tell that Cho was starting to actually cry out. Then she suddenly screamed.
"HE INSULTED MY MOTHER!!!" The girl had turned around to face the leader of her herd. "My real mother..." she whispered, choking in sobs. Then she returned to her original posture and broke down.
Bron gave Shorty a look that indicated that now was an especially poor moment to make noise. He approached the dark-skinned girl gingerly, having in mind to comfort her but Cho shrugged off his attempts to nurse her defiantly, only crying louder and louder. "Shorty must have reopened an old wound..." he thought.


"An old scar..." Bron murmured. He had stopped meandering across green meadows, now facing the very place where the girl crying in his memory had been tortured. "She must have experienced a terrible loss at a very young age..." Bron concluded. "Though it would be remarkable that she was able to memorise a scene that happened in her hatchling days..." Hatchlings usually couldn't remember things that happened prior to them learning how to speak properly, which in Cho's case must've been months after losing her mum - he was assuming that her mum (and possibly her dad) died some way or another.
"What might be reasons for Shorty to hate Cho then?" Bron questioned himself fiercely. It couldn't be greed or jealousy since Cho, like Shorty, was adopted, having experienced terrible things in his young days. Also, Cho had never done anything to offend Shorty's pride in any way, nor did she insult him in any other possible way - as far as he was informed, that was. In truth, she sometimes did fight back when cornered by the green-coloured bully though she'd never start a fight.
"Must be something else..." Bron murmured, beginning to pace in circles. Since he couldn't come up with anything, he decided to continue going through his memory...

"Uhm Cho?" Bron asked carefully. "Would you like me to carry you back to the herd? We need to move on..."
"Leave me alone!" she cried in response.
"Cho... I understand you..." Bron sighed. "But now the whole herd needs to move on and I can't let them have a break for a young one’s special needs. Have you not thought about what herd life would be if I accepted every request? Sometimes the wellbeing of the herd is more important than the wellbeing of a single individual. Don't be so self..."
"SHUT UP!!!" Cho roared, sprinkling tears everywhere. "You don't understand..." she added much much more softly.
"Because you never give people answers when they demand them! Now, I beg you, hop on, little one..."
Cho shook her head, sobbing heavily.
"Would you agree to hop on if I told Shorty to apoligise for what he did and said?" Bron asked, enervated. He didn't fail to notice some bruises on Cho's flank. "Cho!" he warned as she didn't reply.
"I-I will if he doesn't..." she murmured quietly.
Bron raised a brow. "Yes?" he wondered.
"He can't take back what he said..." Cho explained. "And anyway, what does an apology mean if it is forced and not coming from deep inside your heart? What does apologising for apologising's sake mean? Nothing!" The last word, the little girl spat out in disgust. Then she jumped up and hopped on Bron's head, curling up into a tight ball of misery.
"So it's fine..." Bron mumbled absentmindedly; Cho's words made him thoughtful - not only because they were as true as words could be but also because her reasoning indicated a much higher level of intelligence and maturity than her outward appearance, behavior and age suggested...

In the night, he could hear somebody crying oneself into sleep, wailing painfully, and Bron had a good guess who that someone was...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you have it! :exactly Now who do you think is the main character in this chapter? Bron is the only "active" character but he keeps talking and revealing facts about Cho (yes, that "drifting off" is sort of intended :smile). I think this is the first ever flashback of mine that made it into a chapter that I uploaded by the way :DD I wrote one for another story but that story is not likely to be continued anytime soon (if at all...).
Anyway, feel free to tell me what you were thinking while reading this. You may also do some guesses concerning Cho or what Bron's gonna do next (or about Cho's Mother :lol). I haven't figured out everything anyway so go ahead ^^

Hope you enjoyed the read ^^


In chapter 29, the focus will again be on the children. :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on August 26, 2014, 03:03:28 PM
The flashback was very well done.  :) As you said, although Bron was the only active character, Cho was the actual center of focus and this works well in the context of the flashback.  In the process, we have seen a glimpse of what makes Cho so annoying to Shorty (not backing down, being self-sufficient, being prideful, etc.) and what makes Shorty a repugnant character for Cho (his bullying ways and, most importantly, reopening the old emotional scar of her mother's death).  In a way it reminds me of some of the interactions between Cera (who insulted Littlefoot's mother and was prideful) and Littlefoot (who wouldn't back down and was somewhat self-sufficient) in the first film, albeit through a much darker prism.  The detached viewpoint of Bron completes the picture.  He seems more and more like a dinosaur who truly cares, as his introspection shows, but who is emotionally detached from the others in a fundamental way.  It is a very interesting dynamic.

I only noticed one word that could be changed.

Quote
"Shorty must have hit an old scar..." he thought.

This is not incorrect, but "must have reopened an old wound" might flow a bit better.  "Reopening an old wound" or "reopening an old scar" is a common idiom in English for taking an action that evokes old, painful memories.  Other than that, I found no corrections to suggest.

I look forward to the next installment.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 26, 2014, 03:23:03 PM
Thank you for the review :)

Quote
In a way it reminds me of some of the interactions between Cera (who insulted Littlefoot's mother and was prideful) and Littlefoot (who wouldn't back down and was somewhat self-sufficient) in the first film, albeit through a much darker prism.
An interesting realisation :) It's not intended here but certainly there are some similarities.

Also, thanks for the correction. I will correct the small stylistic mistake immediately :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on September 01, 2014, 08:42:02 PM
Next chapter incoming ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 29

Ali, despite not liking to admit it, had to admit that the treesweets were indeed a little too big to fit into her mouth. Watching Littlefoot's technique, she tried to copy it. Instead of grabbing the whole fruit to shove it into her throat at once, she only took a bite out of it. Soon, she took another bite since she could undoubtedly chew safely on more than she just had in her mouth. It didn't take her long until, ultimately, she had the whole treesweet in her mouth again, enjoying its wonderful taste longer than she usually would have done. Spending time with Littlefoot was important to her and the fruits were yummy so the Longneck girl couldn't see any reason whatsoever to hurry.
Littlefoot rolled his eyes. "Ali sure must be enjoying these..." he deduced as he was watching Ali eating yet again. She was utterly relaxed and constantly smiling with her eyes closed. Then Ali saw his gaze. She instantly put on an expression that was likely to be seen on a kid who accidently knocked a plant off the windowledge, accompanied with a sheepish grin while she carefully swallowed a piece.
"Ali, Ali... I believe I need to feed you," Littlefoot teased. At Ali's confused look, he added.
"Sorta..." He pondered how to make Ali eat a normal amount of food per bite. Then it clicked in his mind.
"Look Ali, just do what I tell you, yeah?" he spoke.
"Okay..." Ali said, not revealing her opinion on Littlefoot's action yet. "What might he be up to?" she wondered. Knowing her friend, it could be literally everything weird enough to consider.
"See this tempting treesweet?" Littlefoot asked, choosing a random one. It was the size of a swimmer-egg, roughly round, though rather long like an egg, and its colour was a light orange. At the long ends, the fruit had small "bumps" and the lower part was slightly thicker and more massive than the upper part. The colour-range of all the treesweets was from a yellow-ish orange to a bloody-dark-orange.
"To make sure you don't eat up the whole thing at once, we're going to... erm... share the fruit..." the boy explained.
"Good idea!" Ali exclaimed. "Though how do you make sure that I don't get the bigger part?" A smirk appeared on her face.
"Well... er... I get the first bite and make sure it's divided fairly," Littlefoot replied quickly.
"Never heard of girls go always first?" Ali teased.
"You'd eat more than just half of it, wouldn't you?" Littlefoot retorted playfully.
"Depends..." Ali smirked.
"Hmm..." Littlefoot's brain rattled. "Let's make it a competition then?"
"Oh yes!" Ali shouted joyfully. "That'll be fun, I bet!"
"Okay, I..." Ali gave the boy a threatening glare, "... well - you count down from three and there we go," Littlefoot said.
"Sounds fair," Ali admitted. She, like Littlefoot, put on a more serious face and concentrated on her task.
"Ready?" she whispered.
"Always!" Littlefoot called self-confidently.
Ali counted down.
"GO!" she eventually cried. The two Longnecks both opened their jaws, tucked into the treesweet and...
"OWW!!!!" they both whined as their heads bumped together. Their eyes met for an instant and it was enough to make them giggle about their apparent mishap.

Shorty grunted. It was only morning and he was already beginning to adopt some serious boredom. "HOW am I supposed to stay here all day?!" his mind raced. He seriously considered sneaking off since Bron was nowhere to be seen but, looking around uneasily, he had to admit that he was being supervised by the herd members all the time. He made a few steps away from his current position as if about to sneak off, analysing the reaction of a few nearby families and individuals. Some weren't looking of course - they couldn't keep an eye on him all the time - but due to their number somebody was always watching. Those who were gave him a stern look. "Okay, no sneaking off then..." he grunted downheartedly. "So what to do?!" The fact that he was stuck at his nesting place made him mad. He was growing more aggressive again and he liked it despite knowing that he wasn't supposed to be. His thoughts wandered to the girl he had beaten up so violently. "Cho, the ugly Shadow..." He couldn't suppress a smirk. He remembered how it felt to punch her, how it felt to laugh at her begging for mercy, how it felt to see her terror-stricken eyes when he tortured her... "Oh yeah..." Shorty thought, relaxed. If only he could repeat that...
He heard laughter, coming from the direction he had seen Ali and Littlefoot walking away with Bron. Indeed, some distance away he spotted the two, rolling around in laughter. Abruptly, rage ran through his body. "They have fun while I'm stuck here! NO FAIR!!!"  Shorty began pacing around to diminish his rage but it didn't work. He was filled with energy bound to be let out sooner or later. "NO FAIR!" he screamed, making some nearby Longnecks give him a stern look. Shorty didn't mind them staring at him. He didn't care what they thought about him; the only emotion that dominated his feelings was rage. He sought revenge for being grounded and he needed a victim. And he soon found one.
"I'm gonna KILL him! I'm gonna BEAT THE GUTS OUTTA THIS ROCKHEAD!!!" Shorty's blood was boiling. He stared at the one he had chosen to be his drain valve of all of the problems and anger that were troubling him. "Ali is my girl..." he thought, gnashing his teeth and growling deeply. Littlefoot would pay for taking her away from him...
Just then, one of the foster mothers of the hatchlings, one of whom Cho was too, came by, inspecting Shorty with examining eyes. She noticed Shorty's gestures and she quickly realised what the, in her view, mentally unbalanced boy might be up to.
"Don't even think about it!" she said coolly.
Shorty slowly turned to the adult, his muscles tensing up, his face distorted in wrath.
"What do you want?" he growled.
"I want you to stay put and stop acting like somebody who has hit his head a little too hard," the female answered. "Oh, and you could try to be nice for a change, not so snappy, aggressive and..."
"SHUT UP!!!" Shorty cried. "That's NONE of your business and besides I'm not allowed to talk to anybody!" Shorty didn't know whether that was actually true but not being allowed to meet anyone included not being allowed to talk to anybody in his opinion as well.
"Just what I meant... you're a shame for Bron, are you aware of that?"
Shorty remained silent - he focused on his plan.
"Let's go, little one..." she mumbled to her son who was walking besides her.
"Loser!" he called before obeying.
Something in Shorty's head snapped. His voice of reason being suppressed by his madness, he charged at the little one wildly... and bumped into the tail of the adult.
"I should seriously persuade Bron to reject you from the herd. You're a thread to our children!" With that she stormed off, placing her startled son on her head.
Shorty, now calming down a little, began to feel the pain in his head due to bumping into the grown-up's tail. Angrily, he watched them go away. Then he saw the young one poking out his tongue and then waving around his tail provocatively.
Shorty roared and screamed in wrath...

The rest of the treesweets were being eaten in a more mannered way. Littlefoot and Ali managed to share them in the way the boy had originally intended – each of them eating one half of the fruits. Both of them were enjoying that way of having their breakfast. After all, sharing was important – especially when travelling in a group or even as members of a herd. The sharing was also a symbol for their friendship. Both youngsters were aware of that but sharing wasn't the only reason they were enjoying their special way of eating so much.
Littlefoot was happy that he didn't have to worry about Ali choking on fruit anymore. Though, more importantly, he was happy that they were together which included eating together as well.
Ali, on the other hand, though happy about being together with Littlefoot just as much as the brown Longneck, was bright because she got really close to her friend and crush – not only physically. Their mouths would meet occasionally but what Ali was really seeking for, aside from feeling really close to him due to them doing things together, was getting a glimpse into Littlefoot's wonderful eyes. Though, whenever their eyes did meet, Ali didn't dare to lock eyes with Littlefoot. Instead, she would stare at the ground or at the fruit they were eating. On the one hand, she really wanted to look into his brown eyes, seeing her own reflection in them and a twinkle only his eyes seemed to have. On the other hand, she didn't feel ready to let her crush know that she liked him a little more than she claimed to. Her shyness was in the way again.
The two noticed that there was only one treesweet left and both felt rather stuffed-up, their bellies  filled with a few fruits too many for their liking. Littlefoot could already tell that they wouldn't be doing much for the next few hours.
"Eugh! I can't swallow another one!" Littlefoot protested as Ali went to get the last one and rolled it towards him. "You can have it."
"Ugh! Now that you mention it..." Ali chuckled. "My belly feels like I ate rocks. I don't want it either."
Littlefoot gave Ali a knowing look.
"Well, do you want to leave it here, Ali?" Littlefoot asked.
"Hmm..." Ali pondered. "I might not need it myself but I do know somebody who needs it urgently..."
"Yes?" Littlefoot insisted. He had grabbed a stick that Bron had seemingly shaken off the tree.
"Well, I thought I could give it to..." the girl wanted to answer but Ali didn't get a chance to finish her sentence as Littlefoot used the stick to tickle Ali's underbelly.
"Hey, STOP THAT!!!" Ali cried in laughter – she was ticklish.
"Hmm, I don't sense any rocks in your belly..." Littlefoot murmured, having a hard time staying serious, not ceasing the tickling at all.
"PLEEEEEEASE?" Ali screamed imploringly. As Littlefoot continued, she began rolling around to avoid his stick, almost flattening the treesweet.
Littlefoot decided to join in and started rolling around as well, giggling and calling loudly.
All of a sudden, as easy as the fun had started, it went away as somebody uttered a scream of pure wrath...
"What the..." Littlefoot exclaimed, startled. He and Ali jumped to their feet.
"Who's that?!" Ali cried in confusion.
"Somebody having a really awful day, it seems..." Littlefoot remarked. "And I know someone who very certainly has a terrible day..." He gave Ali a knowing look; the girl understood.
"Shorty..." she sighed. "Yeah, he should  feel nasty right now! Maybe he remembers my final words before I stormed off ..." Ali said a little grimly.
"What did you tell him again?" Littlefoot asked. "You mentioned it earlier, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did," Ali grunted. "I told him that – CAN'T HE SHUT UP?!" Ali screamed because Shorty was roaring so loud that Littlefoot couldn't understand her. Raising her sweet voice, she continued. "I told him that I'm going to have fun with you the whole day while he's stuck at his nesting area with nobody talking to him."
"Good blow!" Littlefoot stated, raising his eyebrows. "That's probably just going through his mind and he's exploding in rage."
"It is," Ali agreed. "Look how he's jumping around madly..." Ali snickered.
"Hahaha!" Littlefoot joined in the laughter, amused.
"If he hadn't done this to Cho, I might feel sorry for him..." Ali then said, turning serious. "But I can't, not now..."
"Yeah, I know... I wouldn't be so concerned if you didn't know him so well. He does like you, Ali, and he will try everything to get what he wants... you."
"Well, yes... Do you think he would dare to attack... you?" Ali was really concerned about this possibility.
Shorty finally stopped roaring.
"Hey, you know him!" Littlefoot retorted playfully.
"True..." Ali admitted. "But still... I would like you to tell me how you judge him."
"Why Ali?" Littlefoot didn't quite get what Ali was trying to achieve.
"See Littlefoot..." Ali forced herself to look Littlefoot in the eyes, hoping she wouldn't begin smiling awkwardly. "I might be preoccupied since I know him... or, at least, I thought I knew him." She looked at Littlefoot expectantly.
"Alright... I believe he would do it if he sees no chance to win your affection anymore. He'll blame me and attack me."
"That's what scares me a little," Ali admitted, moving a little closer to Littlefoot instinctively.
They fell silent. Littlefoot was watching the trees moving by the wind whereas Ali was watching Shorty in the distance who seemed to be pondering about something.

Eventually, Shorty stopped roaring madly for his voice became husky. Breathing heavily, he began to calm down and his mind began working in a more or less normal manner. He began to remember Ali's words in the morning. "Has it really been that long?" he wondered, feeling like it had been years ago since they had their talk. Ali felt so far away, now that Littlefoot was with her.
Slowly, he began to realise that everything had been his own fault, actually. Ali would still like him if he hadn't acted like a complete jerk earlier. "On top of that, she really has something for that excuse of a Longneck..." his mind added grimly. Ali seemed to be fond of Cho indeed. "Can't remember her having any friends... so why of all dinosaurs in the world did she HAVE to make friends with Ali? WHY!?" It was a miracle to the green boy. "   If I hadn't beaten the crap outta that hideous thing, I wouldn't be grounded now," he noted matter-of-factly. "Though, I've done the right thing, haven’t I? What's the matter with beating something that doesn't have any right to live anyway??? It's been great; I'd do it again!" Even though Shorty knew exactly that his attack on Cho resulted in his miserable situation, he couldn't fault himself but the others, not understanding their fondness of Cho. "I'll show 'em!" he thought in determination.
"Bron, that bullhard..." it shot through Shorty's mind. He realised that Bron was actually just as big a jerk as his actual father was. Hatred developed in Shorty; he began to plot against Bron; he began to plan how to get out of this situation... That was when he heard a scream coming from Ali...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ohh, cliffhanger ;)
I'd be interested to hear your thoughts about this chapter like always ;) Hope you enjoyed it :yes

In chapter 30, you will get to know Cho's mother a little and, of course: What's wrong with Ali. Why did she...scream? :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on September 03, 2014, 12:59:47 AM
Now this is an interesting development.  :o Shorty's thoughts have begun to turn against Bron and despite the fact that he can see that he brought all of this upon himself, he can't seem to bring himself to feel empathy for Cho... or anyone else for that matter.  The only issue that I might have with the way he is depicted at the end here is that he is portrayed so unsympathetically that it makes him seem beyond redemption.  Although that may be the feeling that you are trying to go for.  It will be interesting to see what Shorty does now that he think that he was lost both Ali and Bron to Littlefoot.  Will he turn on Littlefoot?  Or will Cho again be visited by the brute?  I am curious to find out what he will do next.

As for the Ali/Littlefoot scenes those were quite nice and cute.   :) You have done a fine job of portraying their interactions in the context of a "sandbox love" as opposed to a more developed romantic relationship, which would be inappropriate for children of their age.

I eagerly look forward to the next installment. :)  I wonder what happened to Ali? :unsure:
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on September 03, 2014, 11:31:14 AM
Thank you for the review :)

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Now this is an interesting development. ohmy.gif Shorty's thoughts have begun to turn against Bron and despite the fact that he can see that he brought all of this upon himself, he can't seem to bring himself to feel empathy for Cho... or anyone else for that matter.
Yes, Shorty's way of thinking is difficult to understand. Of course his thinking is highly influenced by his anger and frustration though ;) Shorty does have a reason as for why he hates Cho so inveterately. It won't be revealed anytime soon however :p

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The only issue that I might have with the way he is depicted at the end here is that he is portrayed so unsympathetically that it makes him seem beyond redemption. Although that may be the feeling that you are trying to go for
Well, I'm only trying to imagine how Shorty might think, feel and react in his situation. He is certainly not beyond redemption as you will see soon :yes

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It will be interesting to see what Shorty does now that he think that he was lost both Ali and Bron to Littlefoot. Will he turn on Littlefoot? Or will Cho again be visited by the brute? I am curious to find out what he will do next.
All possible options for him to do ;) You will see.

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As for the Ali/Littlefoot scenes those were quite nice and cute. smile.gif You have done a fine job of portraying their interactions in the context of a "sandbox love" as opposed to a more developed romantic relationship, which would be inappropriate for children of their age.
Hehe, thanks :p Yeah, sandbox love is quite a fitting term here. They are indeed too young for a "real" romance (and besides this story is about Shorty's Past and not about Ali and Littlefoot having a romance (there are too many fics of that kind on the market anyway  :rolleyes )

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I eagerly look forward to the next installment. smile.gif I wonder what happened to Ali? unsure.gif
I bet you'll enjoy it, yep, yep, yep! The idea came from bushwacked though so if you don't like it you may butcher him, okay? :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on September 03, 2014, 09:50:12 PM
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I bet you'll enjoy it, yep, yep, yep! The idea came from bushwacked though so if you don't like it you may butcher him, okay? :p

I shall get the knives ready!  :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on September 13, 2014, 04:06:18 PM
Chapter 30

"What about the treesweet?" Littlefoot eventually piped up. "I interrupted you earlier, hehe."
"I was thinking, since neither of us wants it, we could give it to Shorty..." Ali replied.
"WHAT?!" Littlefoot shouted in disbelief. "You must be kidding, Ali!"
"Well, see... He mustn't have the impression that I don't like him anymore because-because if he does he'll be even madder than he already is..." Ali said pleadingly. "Let me have a try, please?"
"Are you sure? What if he attacks you?" Littlefoot retorted. "Oh, and don't worry about me."
"But I DO worry about you..." Ali said quietly. "You're my best friend; you and Cho are my only friends at the moment and Shorty might attack both of you..."
"Ah, nonsense! He'll get a grip sooner or later, don't worry so much." The last words he spoke very softly. "He wouldn't have ANY friend without you, just saying..."
"Littlefoot, let's stop, please," Ali begged. "I want to help him. I know I can if he plays along. I'll... go now... eh you aren't tickling me again, are you!?" Ali suddenly felt a slight tickle on her back.
"No?" Littlefoot wondered. "I’m not tickling you though maybe that spider is..." Littlefoot chuckled upon seeing a spider with long hairy legs crawling across Ali's back.
"Spider?" Ali gasped. She turned her neck and froze. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" she screamed and started to run around blindly, screaming in panic. "REMOOOOOOVE IIIIIT!!!" she ordered.
"If you stop running around madly, I might have a chance to reach you without getting seriously hurt," Littlefoot snickered.
Ali ended up crashing into the treesweet tree. Littlefoot hurried to get there and, being the gentle dinosaur he was, he pushed the spider to the ground where it started crawling away quickly.

After Bron had realised that his thinking wouldn't get him anywhere, he went to Yuyun to have an overdue talk with her.
During his slow wandering, he had noticed Shorty's screams and roars but he didn't care much about that development. "There are enough dinosaurs to watch every single step of him..." he thought satisfactorily.

Yuyun hadn't left her nesting area since Cho had been almost killed. She had kept her dutiful watch over her adopted child whom she considered her own flesh and blood. She was a motherly individual and a peaceful and reasoning one at that. When she had been told that something bad had happened to her young one, she had been shocked of course but she hadn't lost her head like many other dinosaurs would have done. She had hurried to get to her daughter and had taken care of her as good as she could but there hadn't been much to do at all but watching and waiting for a sign of recovery.
Yuyun looked at her little girl. Her breath was rattling slightly but it went at a steady rate. She figured that it was time to give her some water again as she had lost a lot of it due to blood loss. Her body needed to regenerate the blood she shed - food was of secondary importance. Water was what she really needed right now. Luckily, her nest was only a stone's throw away from a pond so she could still have an eye on Cho while getting her some water.
While trotting towards the pond, Yuyun reflected upon Bron and Shorty. She knew that Bron would have never allowed Shorty to go as far as hurting other children. She knew that Shorty committed smaller crimes on occasions – a bruise here, a bloody nose there, but, so far, he had never injured a kid grievously. "That has now changed..." Yuyun thought grimly. Since she knew Shorty, she felt that the boy had something in him that was bad. She remembered him having no friends, almost always bullying younger Longnecks when Bron had no time to entertain him.
Her mind quickly drew the connection to her daughter Cho who had also never really had somebody she could consider a friend. She was called the queer oddball and Yuyun couldn't deny that her daughter was... different. She had never been a dinosaur of great words, hardly ever talking and very secretive. Even though she had the best bond to the little one, Yuyun had never heard a single word about the time before she had met Bron. What about her parents? And what had happened to them? She probably would never get to hear the answer from Cho's lips for the young one had been deaf whenever she had tried to. "Whatever had happened, she is very protective of her mother..." Yuyun reflected upon remembering one occasion where Cho had been extremely upset. Shorty had bullied her again and had called her mother something really awful, causing Cho to become really aggressive and depressed for quite some time. In general, the little one was depressed quite often. With no friends to play with, she was often bored or just lonely but all attempts of her to help Cho find friends were fiercely shrugged off by the little one. She was being unsociable, dreamy and often hard to understand but Yuyun loved her in spite of all that. "A parent loves its child no matter the abilities or disabilities it has; no matter what quirks and faults it may have!" she stated determinedly. She hadn't been a perfect child either but her parents loved her for what she was and so it was between her and Cho.

Even though Shorty did hear Ali scream, he decided not to be bothered by Ali's screaming as she didn't seem to care about him anymore, now that he had screwed up. He didn't even look up. Littlefoot was probably just as capable of saving his former crush as he was anyway in his view.
The young one returned to staring at the ground, pondering.
"Sometimes I wish I had never run away in the first place!" Shorty thought bitterly. The boy somehow wished he could meet his real father again. Maybe he would have changed? Maybe he would apologise? "Or he'd beat the crap outta me..." Shorty deduced matter-of-factly. He couldn't really decide which position of his inner debate he liked more so he moved to considering his mother. He expected to meet her finally but his being grounded might prevent him from having a chance at all.
"What if dad and mum meet here? Now that'd be hilarious!" Shorty murmured, snorting and being sarcastic at the same time. He started to munch on a few leaves out of pure boredom...

"IS IT GONE!?" Ali screamed, terrified.
"Yes, it crawled away. You're safe now, Ali," Littlefoot managed to tell his friend without snickering.
"Whew! I HATE spiders. When I was young I was bitten by a spider and it hurt for an eternity!" Ali explained.
"I see," Littlefoot commented.
A fairly strong breeze was caught by the big leaves of the treesweet tree. A treesweet fell down and...
"OUCH!!!" Littlefoot whined as it hit his back and dropped to the ground.
"Crying like a baby..." Ali teased in laughter.
"Am not!" Littlefoot protested; the impact did indeed hurt a little.
"Yes, yes... That's what they all say... Anyway..." Ali was struck by an idea. "This treesweet is for Shorty," she announced, pointing at the one that Bron had shaken down earlier. "And this treesweet," she said, pointing at the treesweet to Littlefoot's right where it landed. "This treesweet will be for Cho once she wakes up."
"Uhm, sounds good!" Littlefoot stated. "She'll like it I bet."
"She will!" Ali called in determination. "Are you waiting for me?" Ali tried to catch a gaze of the boy.
"Waiting for what?" Littlefoot wondered, irritated. Then he remembered... "Er, never mind! Sure I will! Guess there isn't much of a choice for me anyway. Though do you really want to give him that treesweet?"
"Yes," Ali answered. "I'll hurry; just a moment, okay?"
"Alright Ali, good luck!"
"Thanks!" Ali smiled warmly before running away.

Yuyun was just gingerly giving her daughter a drink when Bron arrived at their nesting area.
"Morning!" the tall Longneck called.
"Ah, hello Bron!" Yuyun turned to her leader. "I'm happy to see you. I guess we both know that a talk is overdue. I, of course, couldn't leave little Cho alone..."
"Yeah, she really needs your love and care right now..." Bron muttered, undoubtedly not happy to see Cho in such a state. "I've decided to visit you this morning not only to make sure the young one is doing okay but also to find possible motivations of Shorty." He paused. "So... how's she doing?"
"Under these circumstances, she's doing much better than I feared," Yuyun spoke. "I don't know how well her injuries are healing but her breathing goes steady and strong."
"Well, that's some good news at least. I kinda feel bad for that... like I could've prevented it," Bron said, a little depressed. "You aren't mad at me, are you?"
"Ohh of course not, Bron! I know too well how much of their own mind kids can have... you know Cho..."
"Yeah..." Bron sighed. “And I thought I knew Shorty..."
"I don't believe that you could have seen that coming," the female assured him.
"I could!" Bron growled bitterly. "You don't know his backstory; I do."
"Ah, I see. I always wondered how he came to lead Cho and the others despite clearly not liking them at all..."
"I sometimes wonder how he came to take care of them myself..." Bron thought. "Well, you must know that his father abused him until he ran away," he narrated. "I fear that Shorty more and more becomes just like his father..."
"Oh, now that explains it a bit," Yuyun admitted.
"Yeah, you might say he abused Cho though I just call it a treacherous and cowardly act of violence!"
"Did anything recent happen that might have motivated him to attack my little one?" Yuyun then asked.
"Well... of course you probably haven't heard of it yet... I finally found my son yesterday." Bron seemed uneasy, talking about Littlefoot, but there was also pride in his voice. "Well, maybe I shrugged off Shorty a little too hard yesterday when he got on my nerves..."
"How come?" Yuyun continued asking.
"I was having a very serious talk with my parents in law who had raised my son all this time and we had a... disagreement concerning our family's future..."
"I see..."
"Yeah, they aren't fond of joining my herd – our herd, y'know?" Bron explained. "Anyway, I was kinda angry at Shorty 'coz he had risked his neck to have some treesweets along with my son and Ali... and Ali fell from the tree!"
"Oh, she seemed fine yesterday though... aside from her hurt skin and her skinniness of course," Yuyun mentioned. "She gave Cho a quick visit in the evening."
"Well, she was lucky that I've seen that coming. I caught her just in time."
"Kids..." Yuyun chuckled. "We weren't so adventurous and carefree when we were young, now were we?"
"Well... I was," Bron admitted, chuckling a little. "I've never lost my love for adventures but I've learned to see the dangers."
Both reveled in memories for some moments.
"Anyway, you think my shouting at him caused his aggression?" Bron questioned in concern.
"No, I don't think so," the female responded, much to Bron's surprise. "You really must have the right – well, wrong attitude in the first place. If you aren't haunted by your conscience for doing bad things – and this certainly applies to Shorty, then you don't mind really hurting others. Shorty really doesn't mind the pain others are feeling; he even seems to enjoy making the little ones suffer from his terror sometimes... He didn't mind the pain he inflicted on Cho until he realised the damage he’d done, right?"
"Yeah, I guess he was shocked by what he’d done but he has a really funny attitude towards feeling pain," Bron replied. "He's coldhearted... just like his father."
"Do you know his dad?" Yuyun asked.
Bron considered upon this. "Tell the truth or not? She won't notice..." he thought.
"No, he's only told me about his dad but I've never met him in person... luckily," he replied, trying to appear veracious. "Anyway, what are you going to tell me?"
"Okay. Are you sure that Shorty has told you the truth?" Bron gazed at her. "I mean, it's just an unlikely possibility..." she added quickly.
"What could he achieve by lying, dear?" Bron wondered. "Everything fits if you ask me..."
"He could have tried to earn your compassion... like I said it's rather unlikely," Yuyun spoke.
"Yeah, I doubt he lied," Bron nodded.
"So, I've tried to tell you this: Shorty didn't attack because you shouted at him. He would have attacked one of the young ones sooner or later anyway since he has the attitude to do so... your shouting at him only... triggered his restrained aggression I believe."
"Sounds reasonable, Yuyun," Bron said, sighing. "Though there's another thing that I think might have caused his extreme reaction... The fact that there's now Littlefoot, my son, AND him. He's always been very jealous and demanding of my attention... and now that there's my son whom I'd like to get to know..."
"I see, Bron. I believe you will have to make sure he doesn't feel second-rated," the female advised. "This might only increase his anger and he's even more likely to go nuts again."
"Ha! He won't do anything for the time we're here 'coz I grounded him for his attack!" Bron exclaimed.
"Do you really think that this will work on him, Bron? He has never been impressed by your punishment yet..." she objected.
"Well, I've never really punished him at all. I've never been hard on him 'coz I'm not strict. I don't like to be strict for I hated strictness as a kid. Hence I try to be forgiving but Shorty always gave me a hard time..." Bron sighed. "You think I should've been stricter?"
"I don't know, Bron," Yuyun responded thoughtfully. "I don't like strictness myself and Cho has hardly ever forced me to make use of punishments or some sort... though I sometimes have to due to her stubbornness - she can be so stubborn if something doesn't work the way she likes it."
"Well, what'd you do if Shorty was your youngster?" Bron continued asking.
"I would... I would... Hmm, difficult." She didn't know what to say. Should she approve the strictness or should she tell Bron that the punishment would only make everything worse? "But there ought to be a punishment... Normal members would have been thrown out of the herd..."
"I won't change my sentence anyway so go ahead!" Bron chuckled.
"You-you should consider that he mustn't feel hated by everyone..." Yuyun replied at last.
"That's just the point of his punishment, ain't it?" Bron said in surprise. "He must feel really dirty for what he's done, right?"
"True, but don't you make him even more angry? He could plot against you... he sure has enough time after all."
"Aww c'mon! He knows perfectly well that I'll have to reject him from the herd if he does it again and I doubt he'd accept being an orphan once again. He hated it."
"Well, we will see, I suppose."
"Yeah..." Both sighed.

Littlefoot watched Ali run over to Shorty's nesting area. He highly doubted that Ali's attempt made much sense, leading to anything at all, but he didn't want to force his opinion upon her either. "Maybe there IS a slight chance after all..."  he thought grimly.
Playing around with the treesweet that was for Cho, he waited, hoping he wouldn't have to save Ali in case Shorty did something stupid...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here you have the next chapter. Hope you like it :)

In the next chapter Ali is going to talk to Shorty and a scene I shall not spoil :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on September 14, 2014, 12:09:43 AM
This chapter begins with a rather nice continuation of the Ali/Littlefoot interaction and we also get to see what caused Ali's distress... A spider.  :lol I rather like Littlefoot's reaction to the entire ordeal and his compassion even for the arachnid.  If only he knew that the rainbowfaces were originally insect-like things... Oh wait... Wrong fanfic.  :p

The conversation between Yuyun and Bron was also quite nice.  By seeing Yuyun's thought process we can now understand why she didn't totally lose control when she saw Cho's injuries.  We also now have a better appreciation for why she cares for the admittedly 'different' girl.  

Not much else to say about this chapter.  I look forward to Ali and Shorty's next conversation.  :yes

There was only one thing that I noticed, and it probably isn't an issue.

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"Ha! He won't do anything for the time we're here 'coz I grounded him for his attack!" Bron exclaimed.

The 'coz here is very informal, so I am unsure if you would normally want to have it in a conversation between a herd leader and one of his followers.  However, if you are trying to show that Bron is very laid-back and open with his herd members, then this would be a perfectly acceptable word choice.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on September 14, 2014, 02:32:14 AM
Spider,huh?  :lol

Ali reacted exactly like me,haha-are you mocking me? Kidding,though the scene was really random it made me chuckle,I like a random scene thrown in once and a while me self.

Littlefoot,Littlefoot,Littlefoot,just acts all calm and brushes the spider away. Though then again,it would be hard to picture Littlefoot having a stomp fest on a spider. Even f spiders are disgusting,hideous,eight legged freaks of nature. They are innocent and Littlefoot will never purposely harm anyone innocent,even if they are a spider,he respects all life. And thats why I love him most out of all the gang.

Interesting conversation between Yuyun and Bron,in a way I'm glad she doesn't complete  hate Shorty and try and convince Bron to get rid of him.


Shorty must be bored out of his mind,but thats what he gets for doing what he did.However I doubt he is going to let Littlefoot just waltz into his life and not only steal Bron's attention but Ali's too that easily.

Also I really do hope we will get more Bron getting to know Littlefoot scenes later,they barely showed any in the movie.One minute they just met and the next Littlefoot was singing about about his dad and him. I feel they rushed it to be honest.

I look forward to seeing more of your take on this.

Keep it up,Ducky.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on September 15, 2014, 03:43:04 PM
Thanks, glad you liked the chapter :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on September 22, 2014, 05:50:26 PM
Chapter 31:

At first, Ali jogged towards Shorty's nesting place merrily, kicking the fruit forward, but she soon slowed down, trying not to make any noise, and turned serious. She now rolled the treesweet with her head – she had to stay somewhat low anyway. When she got close, she began to use the vegetation to hide. After all, she wasn't technically allowed to give Shorty a visit or even to speak a single word with him. Moreover, Shorty was being observed by various grown-ups, she noticed. "How to attract his attention without attracting the attention of them?" Ali wondered in concern. She didn't want to land her former friend in an even worse situation than he was in already.
"I got it!" she mumbled soon; the solution was rather simple...

Shorty had decided that it would be best if he lay down on the ground, not looking at anybody or anything so nothing could possibly anger him. As much as he would love to let his frustration out, he knew better than to lose his grip again. He needed to work towards his plan. So he was lying there, his legs stretched away from his body, his neck curled to his right. That was when he heard somebody hissing his name...

"Pssssst, Shorty!" Ali called, whispering. She hid behind two massive trees and peeked through the narrow space between them.

Shorty didn't recognise the voice at first but when the dinosaur uttering it repeated her hiss in urgency he, unwillingly, turned around to face his friend.
"What d'ya want? Your friend doesn't wanna play, eh?" He gazed at the pink Longneck in hatred.
"I got no time for arguing, jerk. Littlefoot's waiting and he actually doesn't like me visiting you," Ali hissed fiercely. "I just thought that you might like this." She grabbed the treesweet Shorty couldn't see thus far and motioned towards him that he should have it.
Shorty hesitated. He looked around, the grown-ups occasionally peeking at him. "Good pretext not to accept," he concluded, smirking a little.
"So do you want it or not?" Ali exclaimed in annoyance.
"Shhhhhhhht!" Shorty hissed. "You want them to notice?!"
"Of course not!" Ali spoke quieter. "But if you don't want the treesweet, Cho will get it..." Now it was her turn to smirk.
Shorty's mind was working. "Should I stay cool? Or should I give in??? But Cho MUSTN'T get it!!!"
"Well, why'd'ya wanna bring ME a treesweet anyway?" he asked to win some time.
"You see, even though you disturb me, I know that you can get a grip if you really want to. I'm just letting you know that I'm still up to being your friend... if you're willing to change, that is," Ali explained. She really tried very hard to sound sincere but she didn't do very well in her view since the disgust she felt whenever she saw or even thought about Shorty predominated her will to help him still.
"Why? Why'd'ya even care, huh?" Shorty snorted. "Like you ever liked me... you're gonna be with Littlefoot anyway, right?"
"Well, if you don't like me anyway..." Ali retorted, making an allusion to leave.
"Wait Ali!" Shorty exclaimed. "So I got that right? You would still want to be friends with me if I change, right?"
"Right," Ali replied, snickering.
"So... what would you want me to do... or not to do then?" Shorty questioned, a spark of hope beginning to burn in his chest.
"Well, isn't that obvious?" Ali spoke, eyeing Shorty critically.
"Just tell me... please?" Shorty asked pleadingly.
"Sure, though do you really want to decline the treesweet?" Ali raised her brows. "And since when do you say please?"
"Oh whatever! I'll eat it!" Shorty exclaimed in annoyance.
Ali rolled it over to Shorty who began to eat.
"I NEVER want to see you bully anybody again," Ali began. "I want you to apologise for what you've done to Cho and I want you to be nicer, got that?"
Shorty considered this. "Can I have some time to think over this?" the boy asked.
"Sure, you have more than enough time to anyway," Ali exclaimed teasingly. "Well, see you tomorrow in the morning."
"Tomorrow in the... oh right... seeya!" Shorty called. "My sweet flower..." his mind added but he knew Ali wouldn't react well if he said that. Ali turned around and jogged back to Littlefoot who was eagerly awaiting her return.
"Oh, and thank you for the treesweet!" Shorty called after Ali after he figured that he hadn't even shown his gratitude towards his crush but she didn't hear him anymore...

"Bron?"
Yuyun and Bron had fallen silent for some moments, reconsidering what they had discussed. Now it was Yuyun to break the silence that began to become awkward. Bron looked happy to have something to catch on for he didn't quite know what else to tell the female.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"You know... there is something that stuns me... I'm sure you had already noticed that Cho has been everything but sociable back when you took care of the little ones?"
"Yeah, she caught my interest pretty fast because of that," Bron answered truthfully. "She's been different but, in a way, really adorable which is probably why she grew on me pretty fast... well, and Shorty of course." Bron sighed.
"She is a really adorable girl; there is no doubt," Yuyun spoke proudly. "Back when I considered becoming the foster mother of one of them, she instantly grew on me too. It was hard to earn her trust and love at first for she was really introverted but she accepted me as her supervisor and good friend. She has never considered me her mother though so she must have memories of her actual mother..."
"Quite possible," Bron piped up. "She's been pretty smart for her young age and she still is I guess..."
"Oh yes, she really is... and curious," Yuyun said, smiling.
"Cho's memory is pretty good too I noticed," Bron added. "She always remembered what I told her... so she might remember her actual mum indeed..."
"I second that..." Yuyun answered. "Well, what actually stuns me is that she, despite her unsociability, has made friends with Ali..."
"That's stunning? Shorty hasn't made any friends until this day either..." Bron objected. "Well, 'cept Ali of course..."
"Considering Cho's attitude towards strangers, it is remarkable," Cho's Mother persisted. "Especially, since she has been the one making the first step..."
"Oh, now that's funny indeed," Bron admitted. He didn't know why Cho had appoached Ali so openly but he reckoned he would find out sooner or later anyway.
"Do you know why she might have been so unlike herself?" the female voiced up.
"No, how should I?" Bron replied, chuckling slightly. "Though it can't hurt if I tell you my theory, can it?"
"Go ahead, Bron!" she said encouragingly.
"Maybe she was so open towards Ali because she was hurt at that time?" Bron gave it a try.
"Possibly... but I believe it must have been something else..."
"How come?" Bron countered.
"I know her for a long time now and some feeling in my guts tells me that it's something else... At any case, I'm very, very happy that she has earned herself a friend at last – a friend who is really suiting her character if you ask me..." Yuyun smiled.
"Yeah... Ali seems to be of a calm and sweet nature too," Bron chimed in with Yuyun. "Ehh, anyway... I hear them coming... Littlefoot and Ali, I mean."
Indeed, Ali and Littlefoot were approaching, engaged in conversation.
"Well, time to go I guess. Have fun with the kids!" Bron called, a grin appearing in his face.
"Don't you want to stay?" Cho's Mother questioned.
"No thanks. I've already seen these two in the morning. Besides, they're probably here to visit Cho, not me," Bron snickered.
"Okay then, good luck with Shorty!" Yuyun called.
"Thanks, dear. I'll need it," Bron sighed. "Bye!"
"Goodbye, Bron!"

A little earlier:

"Say Littlefoot..." Ali piped up while the two children walked towards the nest of Yuyun and Cho. "How are Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike doing? I have missed them a lot... though maybe not as much as I missed you..." She giggled shyly.
"They're doing all fine," Littlefoot responded, chuckling at Ali's statement. "We've had lots of adventures."
"That doesn't surprise me..." Ali snickered. Her friends had always been an adventurous bunch of dinosaurs, just like she was, so it was only rational that they would be having lots of those. "If only I could have accompanied them," Ali thought bitterly, though that moment only lasted for a short moment.
"Though I wish I could see them again..." the girl sighed.
"Yeah, I miss the bunch of 'em as well. If only you could become one of us... but I'm sure your mum has other plans, hasn't she?" Littlefoot could already guess that it wouldn't work out in the end but there was always hope; even in the darkest tunnel was a light somewhere, right?
"Probably, though we haven't talked about that yet," Ali replied. There was hope after all.
"Well, I'm pretty sure you could get her to visit the Great Valley for a limited time at least," Littlefoot spoke happily. "After all, you don't have a home so why not settle down in the Valley?"
"Well, technically you're right but we're now with Bron's herd... Of course we may, other than in Old One's herd, leave whenever we're keen on that but I have this feeling mum would like to stay with them," Ali explained. As much as she fancied living with Littlefoot, she doubted they would. Not only her mum but she herself had always been in a herd so changing their lifestyle completely by settling down in the Great Valley would be a major change, requiring quite some adjustment. But she'd do it... for Littlefoot, for their friendship and for her friends waiting to see her again. "Boy that'd be cool..." she thought absentmindedly... which Littlefoot noticed.
"Uhm Ali..." Littlefoot spoke hesitantly. Ali had her eyes closed and her mouth opened. Littlefoot had to suppress his laughter but he couldn't prevent himself from grinning uncontrolledly at the sight.
Ali opened her eyes and closed her mouth after she had realised she didn't have her body under control fully. "I was only pondering..." she protested in defence when Littlefoot did start laughing.
"Ehh, anyway Littlefoot... Do you know if Bron plans to visit the Great Valley?" Ali questioned in an attempt to return to their discussion.
Littlefoot stopped laughing, now listening to the girl eagerly.
"Or do you think he might even want to settle down there???" The excitement in her voice was not lost on the Longneck boy.
"Well..." Littlefoot began. He knew his grandparents were saying that Bron was unwilling to leave his herd. "So he's probably not in favor of dragging them to the Great Valley either..."  the brown Longneck concluded. He wasn't sure about a visit but he considered it the most likely of the three options to occur.
"I'm not sure..." Littlefoot eventually piped up. He wasn't telling the full truth however. "Want her to have hope," he thought to himself and he replied accordingly. "What isn't, can still be made, y'know?"
"True..." Ali hummed agreeingly. "Who told you this wise saying by the way?"
Littlefoot could detect a sort of impression the use of one of his Grandpa's many wisdoms had made on the pink Longneck at his side. Attaining an additional boost of self-confidence, he continued. "One of my grandpa's wisdoms. He has more of them in store than a tree has leaves..." Littlefoot mused, rolling his eyes to indicate that not all of them were as much to his liking as the one he had just used.
"The Old One was talking in those riddles and sayings a lot," Ali complained, much to her friend's amusement. "Luckily, my mum's not of that sort..."
"My dad neither," Littlefoot exclaimed. "Apparently... Speaking of my dad, I'm really unsure what he's gonna do after this is all over but I can try to influence him, can't I?"
"Yeah, I get what you mean," Ali replied, offering a sweet smile that confused Littlefoot for a moment. "If you spend time together, he will want to stay with you... and that's why you'll be making the decisions if it works." The smile of the girl changed slightly, now being close to a smirk.
Littlefoot didn't notice the treesweet he was carrying leaving its position between his neck and his spine for he was too busy looking at the ground due to his incapability of keeping the eye-contact with his friend. The neck wasn't keeping it at its place for a moment so it dropped to the ground.
"Hey Dreamyfoot, watch your treesweet!" Ali teased with a toothy grin on her face.
Littlefoot grabbed it quickly, trying to look as innocent as he could.
Ali couldn't resist her friend's look. "Maybe we're better off if I carry the treesweet..." Ali tried to say inbetween giggling. Littlefoot joined in, gingerly placing it at the supposed spot on Ali's back. Then they heard voices...

The Longneck trampled across the grassy ground towards a watering hole some other Longnecks had suggested for her to try out. While walking without any hurry, she uttered a deep sigh. The image of so many dinosaurs of her own species – or subspecies at least, created a stinging pain in her stomach and it wasn't due to an overly voluptuous breakfast... No, it was something else. Her view was fixed on a point slightly below her own eye-level... it was fixed on their eye-level to be exact.
Sue had always been tall but even in such a big agglomeration of her own kind she was undoubtedly the tallest as far as she could tell. She didn't know whether that was the actual reason for other Longnecks to avoid her, mostly, but they did and she didn't understand why. True, she was a rather self-conscious individual but, according to all dinosaurs she had ever been close with which included her family among others, she was being considered quite a beauty with a charming smile and a soft, friendly personality. Only males in those times didn't seem to be looking for a mate with her characteristics... Only one of them had ever conquered her heart only to tear it to shreds again but she didn't fancy remembering that dark chapter of her life.
Like all dinosaurs – all of the Longnecks, that was, she had been seeking for a location that kept hunting her in her dreams and eventually found it. Much to her relief, she only had to travel a very short distance all alone, loneliness being what she had had to endure these past years day and night. If it hadn't been for her enormous size, the numerous predators of the Mysterious Beyond would have put an end to her misery already. Of course, size didn’t protect you from predators if you weren't capable of fighting back. Her parents had taught her everything she needed to know and she sure had enough chances to gain experience in fighting during her young years...
Now that she had had a chance to travel with a really kind family – two elderly dinosaurs who were very friendly and wise and their grandson who was the cutest thing on earth she had ever met, her journey had been way better than she had anticipated. Moreover, they had grown in number the more distance their massive bodies covered...
Now she was just following a few members of her kind. She didn't know or even recognise any of them although quite a few had been travelling with her until shortly ago. Of course she had always been looking for a possible mate since her heart had been brutally broken, but her efforts were, in all honesty, very weak. Like she would usually do, she scanned some of the strangers walking to her left and to her right... not looking where she was going...

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I really don't have much to comment on this chapter. I'll leave that up to you guys :p Hope you've enjoyed the addition ^^

The next chapter is really predictable :smile Just a continuation of this one ^^
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on September 29, 2014, 07:38:36 PM
Before I upload, one thing: I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to update on a regular schedule pretty soon since my writing is slower than my uploading... I can't repeat it often enough but life is crazy lately, busy, full of stress etc... I won't change my schedule though. I'll just keep it until I've caught up with myself. Same applies to my other fic of course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 32:

"What's my dad doing over there?!" This question instantly shot through Littlefoot's head when he recognised the male voice as his dad's. "So he’s visiting Cho too?"
"Looks like we aren't the only visitors Cho has," Ali pointed out.
"Yeah, seems like it," Littlefoot murmured. Though what was the reason for Bron's visit? Littlefoot didn't know and he didn't really want to either. "I can only hope he didn't bring Shorty..."
"Shorty is grounded and at his nesting spot where he's supposed to be, Littlefoot," Ali remarked, raising her brows. "Littlefoot sure is a little confused..."
"Hey, I think he's leaving!" Ali exclaimed, having picked up some words of departure.
"Hope you're right!" Littlefoot grunted. "I don't need to see him again before we meet officially later..."
"Yeah, you need to get known to each other step by step," Ali explained. "And the steps should be small ones."
"Yeah, whose voice is the female one by the way? Her mother's?" the boy questioned.
"Yes, exactly. Cho's mum is Yuyun."
"Ah okay." Littlefoot stopped in his tracks. "Let's wait another minute or so just to make sure..."
Ali gave a nod and stopped in her gentle movement as well. "Do you think Cho is awake?"
"Did you hear her voice yet?" Littlefoot countered. "She's probably resting."
Ali thought about this before responding. "Well, true. Though you must know that Cho is actually extremely quiet... Says her mum anyway. She was quite talkative when we met..."
"We'll see when we go there," Littlefoot said.
"I hope she will like you..." Ali then piped up. "Many Longnecks told me that she can be... weird sometimes."
"Really?" the boy asked. "Well, she doesn't have to like me... As long as she doesn't want me to leave her alone, I really don't mind."
"You really don't have to worry about Yuyun though," Ali laughed. "She is the kindest Longneck you can possibly meet. Oh, and we can go now..."
"Okay, you go ahead."

Yuyun watched Bron walking away from her nesting area towards his own. After a few moments, however, she heard the children's voices again which reminded her of her self-evident duty of greeting them welcomingly. Although they were already in hearing and sighting range, they were still a little distance away so Yuyun decided to look after her adopted young one first.
"Hello Cho," she whispered to the small body that was all covered in healing leaves. "You have had a visitor my dear. It was Bron, our glorious leader, and he wanted to make sure you are doing okay, did you know? He was really concerned about you, my sweet daughter, and he was so sorry about Shorty..." Yuyun paused and nudged the little body with gentleness. "And do you know? Ali did visit you in the evening. She is just on the way to see you again... and she is even bringing a friend. Look how many dinosaurs care about you!" Yuyun gave a hearty chuckle at her own statement, nudged her daughter again and then turned around her massive body carefully to stomp towards the new visitors.
"Well hello, little ones!" she called invitingly. "I bet you are here to visit Cho, aren't you?" A soft laugh left her mouth.
"Good morning, Yuyun!" Ali called back, showing her brightest smile. "You're right, we – that is Littlefoot and I – are here to visit Cho. I would like to make sure she is doing alright and Littlefoot... well, I thought I should introduce him to my friend – and to you of course."
"Yeah, hello," Littlefoot piped up a little shyly. He quickly overcame his initial awkwardness when he deduced that Yuyun was as kind a Longneck as Ali had described her. "It's nice to meet you."
"It is a pleasure to meet you too, Littlefoot," Yuyun responded warmly. "So you are the son of our leader, Bron?"
Ali gave both the adult and her friend a sign that she would walk over to Cho while the two were having a chat. They acknowledged it and continued while Ali approached the little girl on silent paws...

"Yes, Bron is my dad." With every word, Littlefoot's shyness was more and more replaced with his usual openness. His grandparents had taught him how to behave and how to approach dinosaurs he didn't know. Now these lessons came very much in handy as he was talking to the adult female. Besides he had already got to know another stranger on the long journey towards the place he now happened to live at for limited time. "Sue..."
"I-I was extremely surprised when I realised who he really is. I mean... I haven't been told I even have a dad. I never thought about it much because I assumed he just didn't make it. I assumed he had died prior to my hatchday."
"I understand," Yuyun said in a calm voice. "Well, your grandparents were probably as unsure about the whereabouts of Bron as Bron had been about the location they were residing – or you for that matter. He has been searching for a very long time but he couldn't find either of you."
"Yeah, he's told me the whole story when he went after me. I ran away because-because..." "...because I'm a coward..." The thought popped up in the young Longneck's head but dissipated into thin air very quickly.
"Because you didn't know what to make of the development?" the grown-up offered.
"Yeah, that puts it quite well... I needed some time to... think about it and I guess I will need some more time."
"Yes, you have your grandparents so you never needed a dad. It's totally normal that you aren't on best terms right away," Yuyun spoke wisely.
"True." Littlefoot replied. "We are going to talk in the afternoon. I'm not sure what kind of dinosaur he actually is. Towards me he was really nice and he seems to be quite cool to hang around with... but I've also heard how he talked to Shorty..."
"Well, you must agree that he has to be hard with Shorty after his gruesome attack. You haven't seen him attacking, have you?"
"Actually, Ali and I have seen him after we heard the screams of your daughter. We thought somebody might need help..." Littlefoot explained. "That's why we also eavesdropped when we saw Bron and Shorty leaving the forest..."
"Oh holy Spiketail! That must have been a terrible sight – no... horrible!" Yuyun was now agitated due to her motherly instincts.
"Well, I've seen a Sharptooth ripping ripping my mother apart so I wasn't affected as much as Ali."
"Your mother died in this battle, didn't she?" the grown-up asked carefully. "And besides, Ali knew Cho whereas you didn't."
"Yep, she died. I was crushed at first but then I found a bunch of other parentless kids and together we found the Great Valley and killed the Sharptooth," Littlefoot narrated. "Oh, and yeah... true."
"You killed a Sharptooth?!" Yuyun was awestruck. "How in the world did you do THAT? Those beasts are a thousand times stronger..."
"But it couldn't match our wit. We tricked it into a pond by using one of us – a Swimmer – as bait. The Flyer made sure he was at the right spot and then we pushed a rock down and drowned him. It almost got me and my Spiketail friend but then the Threehorn girl saved us all."
"So... your friends aren't Longnecks?" Yuyun wondered. "I must say that you kids have been extremely lucky but your plan was good."
"Yeah, they aren't Longnecks but they're no worse than our kind, really." Littlefoot assured. "You're right; we were very lucky but he would have entered the Great Valley otherwise."
"Ah I see, Yuyun replied. "We've met mixed herds before. It's a new way of thinking, actually. Earlier, dinosaurs stuck to their own kinds and avoided others if possible. Bron isn't quite fond of this development I believe."
"I'll find out later..." Littlefoot mused in a slight chuckle.

*Crash!*
Sue had been keeping an eye on every direction but forward. Therefore, she couldn't see the other Longneck about to intercept her path. She collided with the stranger, bumping into his strong, muscular neck. Out of pure habit she looked down and mumbled. "Excuse me..." Instead of looking into the eyes of whoever she bumped into by accident, she could only see the stranger's neck. "Funny, have I shrunk all of a sudden?" the tall female wondered. That was when realisation hit her. For the first time since she had outgrown her parents, she looked up to scan somebody.
"You okay?" the stranger's deep bass hummed. He was of a dark blue-ish grey colour and towering even over Sue who was certainly taller than everybody else by at least a head. "Holy Spiketail!" Sue's mind screamed. "He's taller than me but h-how is that possible?!"
"I-I was only..." Sue stuttered while studying the male Longneck but the stranger cut her word.
"Heh hehheh!" he chuckled heartily. "No problem at all, young lady."
"Young lady!?" Sue was flattered by his words. Granted, she was in the best age group but nevertheless not as young and fresh as she used to be. Sue responded with a hearty chuckle of her own. "My, you-you are the tallest Longneck I've ever seen!" she exclaimed with big eyes. "All this time I have wanted to look up to somebody, all this time!" She was now breathing heavily due to her almost child-like excitement. "May I ask w-what name you go by?" Sue looked up to the male Longneck expectantly.
"Name's Kenneth," Kenneth spoke coolly, his expression somewhat amused. "But feel free to call me just Ken; it’s much shorter yer know?"
"Oh, Kenneth is fine," Sue replied. "It's not one of these mainstream names like mine."
"Aha, then what's yer name, beauty?" It was obvious that he was flirting with the smaller female.
"Sue, it-it's Sue," she stuttered. "My, you're pretty handsome!" Sue chuckled in a girly manner.
"Am I?" Kenneth snickered. "Mind me accompanying you?"
"Why no! I was just on my way to the watering hole over there," she responded. "It'd be an honour if you came along, Kenneth. Really."
"Too crowded..." Kenneth replied and shrugged. "Know a better one if yerwanna follow me..."
"Why of course. Lead the way!" Sue called happily.
"'Kay... only call me Ken. Kenneth's too long for such a tall guy like me. Like the short form just fine..."
"I will... Ken."
"Besides, all dinosaurs just call me Ken; those who're bothered to anyway..."

Ali's heart rate increased slightly as she was slowly getting closer to the girl sleeping in her sleeping spot peacefully. Ali had feared that the leaves had been removed from her body already but they weren't. "Whew! I was afraid to see all these injuries..." Now feeling easier, the girl proceeded to walk to her friend.
"Hey, it's me,"Ali whispered to the unmoving body –with the exception of the heart beat and the breathing. The small head and parts of the girl's black neck weren't covered as there were no deep cuts; only scratches and small injuries. Ali did notice the ugly bruises nevertheless and she didn't like the sight. "Poor Cho... she looks so beaten up..." she complained sadly. "Should I try to wake her up or just stare at her and talk to the air?" It was a question Ali didn't know the answer for as both waking her up and letting her sleep peacefully had advantages and disadvantages.
"I'll wake her up!" she decided firmly after a little thinking. "I want to talk to her!" Of course Ali didn't know whether Cho would actually wake up since her sleep was a result of the unconsciousness due to the countless injuries. "Well, I won't find out by doing nothing," Ali deduced grimly. She got even closer to the girl, lowered her head and poked Cho on her cheek very softly. "Wake up, Cho. It's me... Ali."

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Here you go with yet another OC, Ken(neth). I myself am not quite sure what role he's going to play in the future (beside the obvious role  :lol ) but you can be sure he will have some more scenes in the future. :yes

In the next chapter, the main scene will be Ali talking to Cho... that is, if the poor little Longneck actually responds of course ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on September 30, 2014, 07:53:53 PM
Sorry for the delay in responding to the latest chapters.  I think that the previous chapter was buried by a lot of other fanfiction and fanart posts by the time that I found it.  I suspect that one of my chapter may have been a culprit as well in hiding that posting.   :angel

Anyway to the story...

I rather like the latest installments.  They are not really action packed, but they do elaborate on some rather important plot points that are beginning to take shape.  The relationship between Yuyun and Cho has come into clearer focus.  Likewise, it appears that Bron and Littlefoot will soon have a heart-to-heart talk as well.  Meanwhile, Shorty continued to stew in his agitation over the situation.  He still has a lot of maturing to do.  And of course Sue finds a longneck who is bigger than herself.  :DD

I don't really have much to add except that I look forward to seeing how this individual plot points develop in the future.  As it is, this statement:

Quote
"Yeah, they aren't Longnecks but they're no worse than our kind, really." Littlefoot assured. "You're right; we were very lucky but he would have entered the Great Valley otherwise."
"Ah I see, Yuyun replied. "We've met mixed herds before. It's a new way of thinking, actually. Earlier, dinosaurs stuck to their own kinds and avoided others if possible. Bron isn't quite fond of this development I believe."
"I'll find out later..." Littlefoot mused in a slight chuckle.

Makes me curious how Littlefoot's father will react to him having several non-longneck friends that he practically considers his brothers and sisters in arms.  This could be a great source of conflict.  In the end, perhaps Shorty won't be the only one to learn a few lessons on empathy.

Keep up the good work!  :) I look forward to seeing where this goes.

I only found a few things that needed possible correction:

Quote
"Yeah, he's told me the whole story when he went after me. I ran away because-because..." "...because I'm a coward..." The thought popped up in the young Longneck's head but dissipated into thin air very quickly.

You may want to put the "...because I'm a coward..." in italics in order to indicate that it is a thought and not said aloud.  It took me a few times reading that statement to realize that was what happened.

Quote
"Oh holy Spiketail! That must have been a terrible sight – no horrible!" Yuyun was now agitated due to her motherly instincts.

Should be 'so horrible' not 'no horrible'.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 01, 2014, 01:45:08 PM
Thank you for the review, don't worry about being late in giving feedback. You know I'd deserve the "Always Lagging Behind- Award" much more than you do :lol

Quote
I rather like the latest installments. They are not really action packed, but they do elaborate on some rather important plot points that are beginning to take shape.
Yeah, action won't be very common in the next few chapters but there's enough other stuff to make up for that of course :yes
Quote
And of course Sue finds a longneck who is bigger than herself. dino_happier.gif
Yep, yep, yep! :DD I really don't know what role Ken(neth) might play later on but I'll probably come up with something ;)
Quote
I don't really have much to add except that I look forward to seeing how this individual plot points develop in the future. As it is, this statement:

QUOTE
"Yeah, they aren't Longnecks but they're no worse than our kind, really." Littlefoot assured. "You're right; we were very lucky but he would have entered the Great Valley otherwise."
"Ah I see, Yuyun replied. "We've met mixed herds before. It's a new way of thinking, actually. Earlier, dinosaurs stuck to their own kinds and avoided others if possible. Bron isn't quite fond of this development I believe."
"I'll find out later..." Littlefoot mused in a slight chuckle.
Yeah, it'll be in the focus eventually :) It'll make things more interesting for sure...
Quote
You may want to put the "...because I'm a coward..." in italics in order to indicate that it is a thought and not said aloud. It took me a few times reading that statement to realize that was what happened.
Uhh, I must've forgotten tu put italics there :p
Quote
Should be 'so horrible' not 'no horrible'.
I actually meant to write "no horrible". Yuyun says "terrible" first but then amends herself by saying "no horrible". Maybe I should separate these two words using a comma to avoid confusion?
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on October 01, 2014, 09:16:49 PM
Quote
I actually meant to write "no horrible". Yuyun says "terrible" first but then amends herself by saying "no horrible". Maybe I should separate these two words using a comma to avoid confusion?

That sounds like a good idea.  :yes You also could use ellipses like I often do in my fanfic.  Like: "no... horrible...".  Either way would make your meaning much more clear.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 13, 2014, 06:10:42 PM
Sorry for not updating last week. I just got too busy :bang

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 33:

"So... how come you have adopted Cho?" Littlefoot questioned, showing interest. "Was she one of the hatchlings Bron had found on his search for me?"
Yuyun noted the curiousity of the young one. "I'm glad he asks me things about Cho."
"A-and how come Shorty hates her?" Littlefoot went on.
"Well, Littlefoot," Yuyun began. "Cho was found by Bron indeed; so have been a bunch of other kids around her age and, of course, Shorty..." The adult hesitated for a moment, then went on. "As Bron has surely told you, he took care of them after they decided to follow him. At that, Shorty seemed to be protecting the younger ones. He's about your age so quite a bit older than the young ones who couldn't have been older than a season. They couldn't talk at that point so Bron named them. Only one of the hatchlings could recall the name her parents had given her... yes, I'm talking about Cho." Littlefoot didn't speak up so she continued. "That she is an interesting girl, I found out fairly quickly when I joined Bron's herd. I was part of a small group of Longnecks roaming the land and we, together, decided to join Bron who had taken on some Sharpteeth to protect us when he came across us by chance. He's a great and brave fighter, not to mention that he's quite charismatic. Anyway, not soon after, he called a meeting asking if anybody was willing to adopt the children he was supervising in addition to his duties as a leader. I've never had luck finding a mate so I instantly told myself that I should accept his request. I've always wanted a daughter, you know?" Yuyun smiled dreamily. "There were three girls but only Cho seemed like the kind of daughter I'd love to have. Cho has been very quiet, hardly ever talking which hasn't changed. The other children didn't have any contact with her however and Cho, due to her shy and quiet personality, didn't try to change that. It-it was very hard to earn her trust at first. She said things like"you aren't my mum, go away!" and avoided my company at first but that eventually changed."
It was only now that Littlefoot decided to interrupt Yuyun to ask a question. "But Yuyun... why didn't she accept you? I mean... she was very young back then and needed somebody to watch her. Moreover, who wouldn't love to have somebody taking care of you, loving you, being there when you need it?"
"Well Littlefoot, of course you, who has lost his mother so early, missed her love and protection. Keep in mind that Cho is an orphan. At least everyone believes that she is – she has never talked and I doubt she ever will. Some things are better left unspoken and some things we are better off forgetting," Yuyun spoke wisely.
"Why'd she refuse to talk?" Littlefoot wondered in agitation. "My mother died attempting to save my life and I'm proud of her!"
"Yes, but Cho might have lost her family in a different way. She might have been a victim of abuse like Shorty or her parents just abandoned her so she refuses to think about them. She could also just have been separated from them and awaits the day they will meet again or they just died like your mother did. We don't know. I, for my part, have asked her a couple times back then and when she shrugged me off every time I decided not to dig deeper."
"How about the other children?" Littlefoot then asked, curious. "Were they able to remember their... families?"
"As far as I'm aware, Cho is the only one who has a memory of her family," the female replied. "She has never talked about it of course but it's obvious that she does remember them if you compare how she received me and how the others received their foster families. Most of them consider them their real parents."
"Okay..." Littlefoot said thoughtfully. "You said they all were about the same age, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did," Yuyun answered.
"So might it be that they're siblings?"
"We all doubt that," she responded. "If they were siblings, Cho would have acknowledged them as such. I'm sure about that." Yuyun sighed. "Well, of course you can never be sure. My little one can be really funny sometimes... She IS different from the other kids but that is just what makes her so special to me. You will have to get to know her to know what I mean. If she's acting strange, just leave her for some time though. She can be fairly unsocial at times; you just have to accept her the way she is. The other kids didn't hence she has never had any friends to play with. But now she has Ali..."
That was when Ali joined the chat...

As Bron was wandering back to the nesting area of his herd, he pondered about the conversation he had been having moments ago.
"Now I really wonder why Shorty had taken care of Cho and the others back then..." he thought in confusion. The herd leader was probably the only dinosaur who knew Shorty’s personality well enough to come up with a reasoning that was based on facts rather than a dubious feeling in the stomach.
"Shorty likes to have attention and he likes to be strong," Bron began. "He was probably only leading them because..." Bron's head was almost emitting steam, so hard was his mind working. It paid off. "Because he wants to be somebody others respect and look up to." These last words were spoken aloud by the Longneck. It was quite possible that Bron had just realised why Shorty was so hateful towards the hatchlings. "Didn't he once say that they have never thanked him?" he mumbled, not sure whether Shorty had actually told him that but it made sense to the adult.
"Hmm, I guess I'll have to ask him about that..."

Ali observed the younger girl very carefully, sincerely hoping that she would wake up. At first Cho didn't move but then she shifted her head very slightly and began uttering unintelligible sounds. "Cho?" she whispered again, wondering if and how Cho would react.

Cho regained her consciousness for the first time since the brutal attack that had almost killed her. Her world was of the darkest black imaginable. She didn't know where she was nor if she still existed at all but one feeling immediately took control of her slightly hallucinating brain. Pain. There was very bad pain and it seemed like every single nerve in her small, destroyed body was sending constant signals of a stinging, burning sensation. Cho felt like her body was on fire; she felt like she had been thrown into a river filled with fiery, hot lava.
Cho couldn't move a muscle but her senses slowly returned to her. It almost seemed as if she had heard somebody hiss her name. She heavily concentrated on moving her head just a tiny bit for its position wasn't particularly comfortable. It moved a tiny bit indeed but the movement was accompanied by a feeling in her head that was fairly similar to stepping on something pointy – only that thousands of pointy needles were spinning around in her head, judging by the pain that had abruptly erupted. Unwillingly, she groaned; unintelligible sounds coming out of her slightly opened mouth.
"Am I dead?" It was the first thought that hit her reluctantly working mind. "If I am dead then why am I feeling pain? Do all dead dinosaurs feel pain?"
Just then, Cho heard the friendly, warm voice whispering her name. She didn't try to move any part of her beaten body again but she did recognise the voice with ease... as if she had known it forever. "Ali!" The realisation that her only friend she ever had made was with her in these pain-stricken moments gave her new strength, new motivation and it helped fight against the paralysing pain that forced her to stay unmoving.

Ali witnessed how her friend began to make very negligible movements that were hardly visible to an unperceptive observant but she did pay attention to such little details. "She is trying to do something..." Ali guessed as her movements didn't seem random but quite wanted. Besides, she obviously tried to say something as her lips were in constant motion now. Nothing that could be recognised as a word known to leafeaters came out of her mouth until...

"A-A-Ali..." Cho finally managed to hiss the name of her visitor spending her support.
"Hello dear," Ali whispered kindly and took a seat on the ground next to the young one's body. "How are you?" Her voice instantly changed, now sounding somewhat sad.

Cho noticed Ali's sudden depression. She knew too well, that she was concerned about her. Of course the little Longneck didn't know how bad she looked or how weak she appeared to anybody seeing her in her misery. She couldn't open her eyes no matter how hard she desired it. Then she tried to talk again.

When Cho opened her mouth, the motion labored, Ali sharpened her ears so she could understand the little girl. Although she could only understand two words out of the inarticulate babbling, they were all she needed to know. Not that she was surprised in any way after what had happened to Cho the previous day.

"Hurts... everywhere..." Cho wasn't quite sure if Ali had got her reply but she was certain that the kind girl was smart enough to figure it out herself. It wasn't much of a risk betting that she was in extreme torment. It was looming to take over control of the few senses she had left and Cho knew that she was absolutely helpless.

"I'm so sorry... so sorry, Cho." Ali suddenly sobbed. "I should have chosen to hang around with you and not with that violent, heartless, cruel and malicious idiot! He was so cruel when he injured you; tortured you. I thought you would bleed to death." Some tears left Ali's eyes before she could calm herself again. "I need to be strong now!" she encouraged herself and waited for the time being, allowing Cho to react to her words in any way.

"Ali..." Cho's voice came again, this time a little clearer. She opened her eyelids just a tad. "Not your fault..." Cho flinched when another burst of pain shot through her body, immobilising her for a moment. Her eyes closed but they soon opened again and this time a whole lot wider. "Eyes..." the young girl only said; a word without any context. While she was voicing up her weak words, she looked her friend deep into the eyes.

Ali understood soon. She looked Cho into the eyes as well; eyes that were as green as the leaves on the numerous trees. Her eyes of a bright blue-ish colour locked with the green counterparts of the younger Longneck. Then she waited for whatever Cho meant to do next.

"Your eyes remind me of... they remind of my-my mother," Cho suddenly spoke with some dreaminess. "Her eyes... they were of the same blue."

Ali was feeling two different emotions as Cho mentioned her mother. First of all, she was very relieved that she seemed to regain her ability of speaking more and more but she was also very honoured because Cho had mentioned her mother towards her – something that, to her knowledge, Cho had never done before.
"I guess that's a funny coincidence, huh?"  A playful smile appeared on Ali's face.
Cho tried to smile but it didn't quite work. "Yes, it is," she responded.
"Are you hungry?" Ali then questioned.
Cho's response came quick. "Hmm."
"I have a little surprise for you. I thought you might like it and it'll help you recover." Ali grabbed the treesweet she had positioned some distance from Cho and gingerly held it in her mouth while Cho took a few bites. She couldn't eat more than that.
"Are you done?" Ali then asked; Cho appeared to get sleepy.
"Yes," the little one replied, tired.
"Should I leave the rest here so you can eat the rest when you're hungry again?" Ali offered.
"No need to..." Cho whispered, her eye lids beginning to become heavy.
"Well then..." Ali grabbed the rest of the fruit and stuffed it into her mouth. "Sorry, I have a habit of eating them too fast," she chuckled.
Cho managed to chuckle a little before her ribs interrupted that painfully.
"I think you should rest now, sweetie," Ali spoke softly and nuzzled her friend.
A wicked pain shot through Cho's body again as Ali gently touched her. Some of her muscles jerked but Cho endured the tormenting pain until it subsided.
"Sorry, I..." Ali began but Cho shrugged her off. "Not your fault... Ali." She could barely keep her eyes open but she obviously wasn't finished with Ali yet.
"We actually have a lot in common, Ali – more than you can imagine right now. I'm glad that you visited me and thank you for the treesweet."
"Get well, dear. I'll kick Shorty's butt for that!"
"No need to..." Cho chuckled. Then her eyes closed.
"See you!" Ali whispered.  

Bron then came to think about Yuyun's suggestions in regard to Shorty's education and the punishment he had employed on his adopted son. "I believe you will have to make sure he doesn't feel second-rated..." "PAH!" Bron snorted. He didn't hold it against Yuyun of course who was only trying to help but he couldn't agree with her view on how to treat his adopted son. He had to show Shorty that he went way too far; he had to make him feel bad for his attack. Bron had never been hard on him but he now realised that it was a grave mistake. "Shorty must learn that one's actions always come with some responsibility..." Bron mumbled into the air. "He has to learn that everything he does has consequences..." Good or bad consequences, Shorty had to learn to take responsibility. And by accepting the strict sentence, he would make a first step...
"He will have to accept it anyway!" Bron thought grimly. "Otherwise he might wanna return to his abusive dad and become a monster..." Suddenly Bron had a strange feeling in his guts. "No, I MUST make sure that he doesn't do that!" About that he was determined. He had to try to stop Shorty from becoming what he once ran away from. "But how in the world should I do this? He must hate me at the moment and he's probably going to hold his grudge and ignore me... At least he's done that before..." Bron had no clue. He wouldn't give in and lower the sentence so Shorty wouldn't be easy to talk to. He needed to... "Ahh, that might work..." Bron had a sudden idea and he was ready to set his new plan into motion. "Alright, let's see if I can show him what he loses if he continues acting like the bad guy..."
With new motivation, Bron picked up some speed and began heading to his sleeping area...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahh, I really love this chapter myself. I've been planning this scene between Ali and Cho for quite a while and it felt good to write it down at last :yes Hope you like it. Lots of stuff to analyse for you ;)

The next chapter is going to be very interesting too. I don't want to give too much away so I'm just gonna say: There will be a scene you know... only you will see it from a different perspective ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on October 13, 2014, 11:02:22 PM
This was a very nice chapter.  :)

We get to see more of Cho's backstory from the perspective of Yuyun.  Not only are her revelations quite revealing, but they are mysterious as well.  It seems that Cho is full of secrets.  Her different reaction to the other orphans is also explained quite nicely by the fact that Cho remembers her mother, whereas the others did not.  This might play a role in why she acts very aloof to most other longnecks.  The fact that Ali's eyes remind Cho of her mother seems like another interesting piece of the puzzle.  Hmmm...

I also like the interaction between Yuyun and Littlefoot in this chapter.  Littlefoot is asking some rather piercing questions to Yuyun that most longnecks would probably avoid, but Littlefoot sees nothing wrong with prying into such matters.  Despite the fact that he is more mature than Shorty in this story, the way in which he is asking rapid-fire questions reminds me of the reactions of relatively young, curious children.  That is a nice reminder of Littlefoot's youth.

I look forward to seeing how the mystery of Cho's backstory gets explained.  :yes

I only noticed a few things:

Quote
"Cho has been found by Bron indeed; so have been a bunch of other kids around her age and, of course, Shorty..."

The passive voice of this sentence makes it flow awkwardly.  I think that the sentence should be reworded a bit, perhaps something like this: "Cho was found by Bron along with a bunch of other children around her age.  and... of course, Shorty."

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Bron had a sudden idea and he was ready to set his new plan into motion.


The italics screwed up here.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 14, 2014, 04:38:57 PM
Thank you very much!

Quote
We get to see more of Cho's backstory from the perspective of Yuyun. Not only are her revelations quite revealing, but they are mysterious as well. It seems that Cho is full of secrets.
Oh yes, she is full of secrets indeed :yes

Quote
This might play a role in why she acts very aloof to most other longnecks.
"Might" is the word here ;) You will see...

Quote
The fact that Ali's eyes remind Cho of her mother seems like another interesting piece of the puzzle. Hmmm...
Yep, yep, yep! That's something to keep an eye on :)

Quote
I also like the interaction between Yuyun and Littlefoot in this chapter. Littlefoot is asking some rather piercing questions to Yuyun that most longnecks would probably avoid, but Littlefoot sees nothing wrong with prying into such matters. Despite the fact that he is more mature than Shorty in this story, the way in which he is asking rapid-fire questions reminds me of the reactions of relatively young, curious children. That is a nice reminder of Littlefoot's youth.
Sometimes you analyse things I do not think about while writing :o I wrote the scene because I thought it might be a good thing for Littlefoot to get to know Yuyun who is quite an interesting character to get to know. Besides, he is told quite some things about Cho that will help him to get along with her, probably. After all she is a difficult young girl ;)

Also thanks for the corrections :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 17, 2014, 06:13:20 PM
Chapter 34:

"I'm the first friend Cho ever had?" Ali piped up. Ali was told that Cho could act really funny at times but the little girl had never been anything but totally kind and sweet when she met her. "Well, of course I haven't seen her much due to Shorty!" Ali was reminded painfully.
"Well hello again, dear!" Yuyun greeted the pink girl. "She was probably sleeping I guess?"
Littlefoot didn't mind the return of his friend since his interest in the conversation was slowly fading away a little. With Ali joining, things were different of course. He smiled at her which Ali returned warmly.
"At first she was," Ali began narrating. "But then she woke up."
"Oh nice! So she fell asleep again?"
"Yeah, she did. She was really tormented by pain and not thinking clearly at times but she was very happy that I visited her."
"Ah, how nice..." the female smiled, appearing to be stirred.
"Then I can't meet her today?" Littlefoot questioned suddenly. The brown Longneck wasn't very keen on meeting the younger girl but he had decided to do it for Ali since she seemed to be very fond of her. "And of me..." Littlefoot mused, a slight smirk appearing on his facial features for a short moment.
"She will need a lot of rest until you kids can play with her I think," Yuyun spoke. "She's still very weak and needs to recover from these terrible injuries. But I'm sure you can visit her tomorrow," she assured.
Ali and Littlefoot communicated through their eyes. "Sounds good to me," Ali replied, smiling.
"Yeah, we'll come again tomorrow, won't we, Ali?" Littlefoot replied in agreement with his friend.
"Yes, we will," Ali confirmed.
"Great, then have a nice day you two!" Yuyun called.
"Yeah, see you tomorrow!" Ali chirped.
"Bye!" Littlefoot called.
Together, they walked away the way they came.
"So... what are we gonna do now?" Littlefoot asked.
"I don't know. Playing games?" Ali suggested.
"Tag! You're it!" Littlefoot called and ran away laughing.
"Hey! I'll get you!" Ali shouted and ran after him in playful anger.

When Bron came closer to his nesting area, he noticed Shorty lying on the ground. He couldn't make out what he was doing there though. "Sleeping? Crying? Plotting?" Bron didn't know but he could tell that Shorty was awfully bored... and this was just the first day of his solitude...

Out of pure lack of things he could do other than plotting, which would only make his situation worse if he set his plans into motion, and trying to figure out how to earn Ali's friendship again, which was, at that moment, very unlikely – not to mention her being his girlfriend, Shorty had decided to go back in time, remembering some happy moments of his life. Meeting Ali was only one of these; several others included Bron - he quickly moved on whenever one of these came to his mind to prevent his anger to get the better of him again, and many were about his acts of mocking and bullying...

Shorty was walking around, seemingly not having any aim at all. The herd had stopped to allow their feet a little rest, the children using the break for playing games. Shorty wasn't keen on joining them; his intention was to find a particular Longneck. And sooner than he thought he spotted the young girl who was of a dark black colour. Shorty couldn't make out what she was doing though, honestly, he didn't care at all. But sometimes these things could be used to his advantage... Shorty approached.
"Hello Shadow!" he called happily. "What'cha doin' here, all alone?" It was a stupid question since he was all alone too but he didn't care.
The girl didn't seem to notice him; her gaze was fixed on a crawling bug on the ground.
"You deaf or somethin'?" Shorty pressed on.
The girl kept ignoring him.
"Hey, what'cha staring at like a rock anyway? Lemme see!" Shorty called, pushing her from her feet into some bushes forcefully. She didn't utter a single groan although Shorty had hit her pretty hard.
"A Ground Crawler? You were staring at a Ground Crawler?" Shorty was laughing.
"Yes, what's so funny?" the girl retorted.
"Why'd ya do that? Must be extremely bored, huh?"
"Even if I were, that's none of your business!" she snarled.
"Oho! Why so snappy miss?" Shorty snickered.
The younger Longneck turned away from Shorty.
"Y'know what I think when I see that creature?" the boy called. "I see you!"
The girl stopped walking away.
"Maybe that's one of your siblings?"
"Quiet..." the girl muttered but Shorty only took  it as an invitation to continue.
"Y'know... These creatures are just plain ugly and disgusting but even they are wonderful compared to you. You're so disgusting that my eyes burn; you're so utterly ugly that even Sharpteeth run away from you!"
"Make sure that your eyes don't catch fire!" she countered hatefully.
"Don't worry, you beast. Speaking of fire... I just figured something, y'know? Guess your mum threw you into the fiery pit of a smoking mountain because she couldn't endure looking at such a paltry misfit the whole day! Guess her eyes caught fire coz of you!"
"STOP IT!!!" the girl roared. She had turned around and her face was distorted in wrath.
"Guess even the Smoking Mountains couldn't stand you so they spat out fire and burned your mum to punish her for throwing you in and they puked you out too and..."
"SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!" the girl cried furiously.
Shorty chuckled evilly. "And she didn't even teach her ugly girl how to behave..."
Before Shorty knew what was happening, the girl was on top of him and aiming powerful kicks at his nose. Shorty felt blood running down his nose and pain erupting everywhere. Even though he was older and much stronger than her, he needed several moments until he managed to push her off him and rolled away. Then he jumped to his feet, glaring at his attacker. "You're gonna pay for that, Shadow!" With that he ran away...

"Pleasant memories..."
Shorty mused. "And she was crying every night after that... such a baby."
"Who was crying every night, Shorty?" a voice reached the boy's ears.
Shorty jolted up in surprise – he hadn't noticed Bron approaching and got therefore startled. In a swift movement, the green Longneck turned towards Bron and growled angrily. "What're yadoin' here, eh?"
Bron snickered in amusement as he observed the young ones reactions. The adult had wondered how Shorty would react to his visit and he was glad that he didn't outright ignore him. "It'll be funnier that way..." Bron mused. "Besides, I'm more likely to get the answers I want..."
"Well, I'm here to talk to you," Bron answered matter-of-factly. "That and I'd like to ask you some... questions."
"Missin' me already, huh?" Shorty sneered. "I knew you couldn't stay serious for very long..."
Bron snickered. "Oh Shorty, it's been so calm and relaxing without you bugging me."
"Well, whatever you're up to, forget it!" Shorty shouted. "I'm not gonna change my mind every five seconds like you do! I'm gonna stay true to my actions and words!" Shorty looked away from Bron defiantly.
"So you're gonna continue beating girls, being a loner, disrespected by everybody?" Bron raised an eyebrow. "You know that's not gonna get you anywhere. I know that you're holding a huge grudge against me and I can't blame you for that but I want – I would like you to listen to me. Is that too much to ask for?"
Shorty gave a grunt which Bron interpreted as a sign that he was listening.
"Y'know that you have thrown away many things by that attack, don't you?"
"There wasn't much I could have lost..." Shorty muttered grimly.
"Oh yes, there was," Bron insisted. " Let's see... nobody wants to talk to you because they think you've gone mad. They're afraid of you harming their children. You've isolated yourself; you can't expect their company anymore. They avoid you."
"Yeah, right... like they ever liked me," Shorty snorted.
"Go figure why they didn't..." Bron said. "You've been a bully and a naughty brat, always causing trouble. Why should they have liked you? Why should they respect you? For causing grief among the young? And, recently, among some of us grown-ups too? Don't you wanna be respected?"
Shorty thought about this for a moment before responding. "Who doesn't?!" Of course he wanted to be respected but he had never been in his life. His father didn't love him, his mother he never got to know and his siblings believed in his father's gruel philosophy. The hatchlings had never thanked him for saving their lives; they had never shown some respect for it. True, they usually did what he demanded of them but they did things because of fear, not because they respected him. Nobody had ever respected him hence he never made friends... and that opened the vicious circle he now found himself in. But... "There are different ways to earn some respect..." Shorty mumbled, more to himself than to Bron.
"Yes, there are many ways and many things you could do to get others to respect you for what you are or for what you've done. But, in all honesty, did you assume that they'd respect you for your..."
"Strength?" Shorty offered. "Actually, I used to. But they didn't..." Shorty spit out.
"Well, as you should know, there are many forms of strength. Physical strength, mental strength, you get the point," Bron said. "And there are different ways to show your strength... and different ways to use it. That's the point where you failed. You've used your strength to terrorise weaker dinosaurs, to bully them, to make fun of them... to hurt them. If you had been supervising them and protecting them instead, you would've earned the respect of the grown-ups, perhaps."
"Why in the world should I've done that? They're just annoying little hatchlings!"
"Well, nevermind. The grown-ups won't allow you to get near their young ones anymore anyway," Bron pointed out. "
Shorty grunted.
"What about Ali by the way? I thought you have a crush on her..." Bron mentioned. "Don't you wanna fight for her?"
"How should I do that, huh? She's friends with that stupid girl and she won't forgive me," Shorty retorted. "And I won't ever like her!"
"Really?" Bron asked. "Then what did'cha talk about last night, eh? I know you've met."
"Oh great! Grounded for the rest of my life, ain't I?" Shorty muttered.
"Just tell me what you talked about," Bron said calmly.
"What if I don’t, eh?" Shorty snarled.
"Shorty, I know it was Ali lurking you away from our nesting area. Don't make things so difficult and just play along, yeah?" Bron sighed and pleaded.
"She wanted me to change... wanted to make me feel bad I reckon," Shorty said, shrugging.
"Sounds like she wanted to talk some sense into you," Bron chuckled.
"Haha, very funny..." Shorty grunted sarcastically.
"Was she successful at convincing you to... change?" Bron then questioned, still very amused.
"Why d'ya ask ME? Ask Ali!" Shorty shouted defiantly.
"Well, Ali can't tell whether her words made you think about them," Bron pointed out, looking at Shorty expectantly.
The green Longneck went through the memories of the meeting in the morning again. "Ali... she made me think about it,"  the young one figured. "She has shown me what I-what I've lost. Maybe I should give changing a try after all?"
"Well?" Bron pressed on.
"She did make me think about it... so what?" Shorty replied.
"Alright... so are you gonna change; become a Longneck others can trust and respect?"
 Shorty considered his options. On the one hand, he wanted to bully Cho and the other hatchlings but, on the other hand, he wanted Ali. It was a decision he couldn't escape – no matter what he decided for – or against, he would be the loser for he would lose something that was dear to him. "But also win or keep something that's dear to me..."
"Could I have some time to think about that?" Shorty requested, completely forgetting to be grumpy and hateful.
"Sure, we'll just talk again tomorrow or in the evening if you want," Bron suggested, happy to see his words working. It sure was an advantage that he had known the little one for a few Cold Times.
"Okay," Shorty responded neutrally. "You gonna leave now?"
"No, there's something else I'd like you to ask."
"And I thought you wanted me to feel lonely..." Shorty mused.
"Do I count as company?" Bron wondered. He didn't await Shorty's answer however. "I wanted to ask you how you..."
"Bron!" an approaching female called loudly, interrupting Bron.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you like it! Don't have much to comment on this chapter but maybe you have? :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on October 18, 2014, 09:54:40 PM
Nice, Bron is finally trying to speak to Shorty again and make him see and understand the error of his ways.  Interestingly enough (though it was implied earlier, I think) the revelation that Cho gave Shorty a good thrashing for acting like a jerk does place the animosity between the two in sharper focus.  Sometimes standing up to bullies works, but many times it can be counterproductive and dangerous.  There is an old ingrained idea in American culture that the best way to stand up to bullying is to simply fight back and this idea is often held by those in authority, including parents and teachers.  This means that when bullied kids do fight back and are brutally pummeled or even punished (as bullies can be the popular kids with well-connected families, like star football players in High School) they are often victimized again as they were not 'strong enough' to fight back.  This was exemplified earlier this year when a Mayor in a town suffering from a bullying campaign by various punks told the bullied kids to "Grow a pair" (http://edition.cnn.com/2014/05/21/us/mayor-bully-comment/).  I like how your depiction of Cho's retaliation actually leading to a worsening situation shows the folly of these deep-seeded stupid ideas of machismo in American culture.  It is something that I wish that my country would grow out of.

Overall, a very good chapter.  :) I look forward to seeing how the situation develops between Shorty and Bron.

Just a few minor issues to note:

Quote
"Well, of course I haven't seen her much due to Shorty!" Ali was reminded painfully.


Quote
"Then I can't meet her today?" Littlefoot questioned suddenly. The brown Longneck wasn't very keen on meeting the younger girl but he had decided to do it for Ali since she seemed to be very fond of her. "And of me..."


The italics needs to be fixed on those sentences.

Quote
"She's still very weak and needs to recover these terrible injuries. But I'm sure you can visit her tomorrow," she assured.

Missed a word in the first sentence.  It should read: "needs to recover from these terrible injuries."
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 19, 2014, 01:57:47 PM
Thanks for the review :)

Whoa! You're reading things that I didn't mean to get across but, reading your reasoning, it actually makes a lot of sense. I have experienced bullying when I was younger and I prefered to fight. In elementary school it didn't work but later it did. Luckily, I've only had to use violence twice or thrice. Shorty's accusations towards Cho's mother were too hard to swallow.

I will correct the issues you pointed out when I come back :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 03, 2014, 06:38:46 PM
The next three chapters will be a little different in length. The next two are only 1500 words long whereas chapter 37 will have more than 5000 words. You will see why I chose to define the chapter borders the  way I did :yes

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Chapter 35

Five minutes later and quite a distance away from the herd's nesting area, Ali stopped in her tracks, her legs aching, her ribs stinging, her heart mightily and forcefully pushing and pumping her blood into her muscles. Her breathing was hectic; the young Longneck was gasping  for oxygen. How come? Ali and Littlefoot had been having a game of tag until moments ago. Littlefoot had tricked her, getting a head start. Despite the injuries healing very well, Ali still hadn't regained her full strength and endurance that she as a travelling dinosaur could usually rely on in such a game. Usually...
"That bastard!" Ali cursed. "I'll get him for that!" Of course, the young Longneck was smart enough not to rage about a defeat in a game meant to be fun. It was just a playful manner. Referring to a stranger as a "bastard" would usually result in a fight, especially if you were unlucky to have pissed off a hotheaded individual. Calling a friend a "bastard", especially a close friend, had a different meaning though. It was meant to tease the other, showing that they knew and trusted each other very well. Ali didn't have to wait very long until she got her fair share while trying to recover from the pursuit.
"Can't catch me?" Littlefoot sneered, snickering in amusement. His breathing was heavy as well but his steps indicated that he wasn't exhausted yet. "I'm too fast for you, Ali!"
"Well," Ali responded, staring at her friend. "Maybe I can't... but you will never have my looks!"
"Hey!" Littlefoot protested as his friend was firing back a tease of her own. "Well, you're not THAT wrong about this one..." he mused to himself.
Both children broke into laughter for some moments.
"Uhm, what are we gonna play now?" Littlefoot then piped up. "I really hate to admit this but I don't fancy doing another sprint across the whole valley..."
"I don't think I could," Ali stated truthfully. "My legs have gone weak and exhausted and they need some rest."
"Yes, mine too," Littlefoot agreed. "Somewhat..."
Ali chuckled. "Well, now we're even anyway." When Littlefoot gave her a questioning look, she explained herself. "I've tricked you into a game of tag in the morning and you've just done the same to me... and I don't need to avenge your revenge."
"Oh, right," Littlefoot mumbled. "But I won both games, didn't I?" He gave a cheeky grin.
"Yes, Speedyfoot!" Ali countered, rolling her eyes. "So how about Hide and Seek? This game is less exhausting, you see?"
"Oh yes! I like that idea!" Littlefoot replied happily.
"Not it!" Ali called out loudly, laughing at seeing Littlefoot's face.
"H-how dare you!" Littlefoot cussed playfully.
"Walk twenty circles around that old tree," the girl instructed. "And DO NOT walk too fast!"
"Yes, yes... I will, Ali. I swear!" the young boy answered honestly. "I shall find you in no time anyway!"
"We'll see. Now close your eyes and start!"
Ali began to sneak away so she didn’t give away the direction she was taking while Littlefoot slowly walked around the old tree with his eyes closed...

Shorty immediately recognised who had interrupted his foster father. With a slight portion of madness, he mumbled. "You..." It was the hatchling and its mother again and that couldn't end well for him.
"Why hello, what's the matter?" Bron asked politely.
"You must throw Shorty out of the herd; he's a threat to our children!" the female grown-up shouted in anger and worry.
"Hey, hey. Take a breath," Bron suggested. "Don't you think that I've considered this already? I have talked to Shorty yesterday and I was just continuing where I left off. I've also sentenced Shorty so he'll stay where he's always supervised. At the moment, he can't hurt any child and I'm sure he won't try."
"What do you know?!" the female growled. "He attacked my little one earlier!"
"Well, did he?" Bron gave Shorty a questioning look. His adopted son stayed neutral in expression. "Your youngling doesn't seem hurt..."
"Well, that's because I protected him!" The angry mother screamed.
"Well, is that true, Shorty?" Bron inquired sternly.
"Yeah..." Shorty hissed grimly.
"Let me guess... he provoked you?" Bron assumed.
"Yes! He did!" Shorty exclaimed angrily. He was a little bewildered, however, since Bron seemed to be supporting him all of a sudden.
"NEVER! My son would never show such an awful behavior! Your Shorty is dangerous!!!" the mother roared accusingly.
"He poked out his tongue and waved his tail at me..." Shorty muttered quietly, suppressing his anger not to come off as aggressive again. "He also insulted me..."
"NO! He would never do that! My son..."
"Quiet!" Bron ordered. "Did you provoke Shorty earlier, little guy?" He was now addressing the hatchling – one of the bunch that he had been supervising during his journey in search of Littlefoot. He remembered him and he also remembered some of his character traits... one of which was constant blundering.
"No," the young one answered shyly.
"That was poor..." Bron mused.
"You see, he's guilty! The green pest is guilty!!!" the female shouted in wrath.
"No..." Bron objected, slightly amused. "He lies. Shorty has spoken the truth."
"WHAT?!"
"I've had enough time to study how kids lie," Bron explained in a calm manner. "Shorty, in fact, is a master at lying but I always know when he lies nevertheless. Your kid is a poor liar. His eyes give him away."
"You're only supporting that violent kid!" the other Longneck accused. "As a herd leader, you should judge and treat everybody equally!"
"Which I am doing!" Bron snapped back. "Don't you think that I have considered all options? What Shorty has done was terrible but he's still young and stupid."
Shorty cleared his throat.
"He deserves to be granted the chance to redeem himself and make things better again. That's why I kept him in the herd despite his gruesome attack." Bron nodded towards Shorty. "Besides, wouldn't it be harsh to send him back into the barren lands on his own, without any protection from those Sharpteeth?"
"So that's how he thinks about me?" Shorty wondered. "Redeem myself... wonder if I could do that..."
"Do you think he ever will? I doubt he'll ever be nice and I'm certain that he'll attack again!" the female argued. "What if that girl had died anyway?"
"Well, then the situation would be different of course," Bron admitted. "I assure you that I have explained Shorty the consequences of that – or a future attack."
"What makes you so sure I can't change?" Shorty piped up suddenly, questioning the grown-up, his eyes glowing.
"Well, I-I just know, stupid boy!" she snapped.
"Enough now!" Bron ordered fiercely. "I'm very glad for the report but now I need to talk to Shorty! Have a nice day!"
"You're wasting your time, Bron!" the female shouted before turning around. "And if I ever get to know that you're harming my son, Shorty," she snarled. "I swear I'm gonna make sure you'll never forget it!" With that she strutted away.

"He's never going to find me in here..." Ali whispered to herself. She had wandered around a little, seeking a hideout and finding one that suited her expectations of a good hiding spot extremely well. A huge tree, long since fallen, was leaning against another large tree. Only the massive tree trunk and some of the thicker branches still told the story of a once living thing, now rotting to waste to give new, uprising vegetation the minerals, space and light they needed and several crawling creatures too small to see a home and food. The tree trunk's inside was hollow. Ali had some difficulty to enter her hideout since she was fairly big while it was very narrow. Crawling up the mildly ascending tunnel, she finally found a former branch that ended in an opening so she could observe the area around her... "Or laugh my ass off if Littlefoot can't find me," the young Longneck thought in a mixture of anticipation, joy and excitement. She made herself comfortable at her best and waited for something to happen, her limbs slowly regaining strength as they were getting some well needed rest after the match of tag...

"Twenty!" Finally he could stop walking around the tree, getting all dizzy because of it. Littlefoot took some moments to resolve the issue of his surrounding moving in front of his eyes – it was an additional task for the "Seeker" since they were distracted for a little longer. The Longneck walked a few careful steps to make sure he had regained his balance before he set off...

Bron gave Shorty a bemused look and rolled his eyes. "Accusing you and she can't even control her temper either..."
"Uhh, yeah," Shorty replied, dumbfounded. "Why did'cha defend me. I thought you were mad at me..."
"You know Shorty, I just can't stay mad for longer than a few hours," Bron answered truthfully. "Besides, I had to defend my style of education..." At seeing Shorty's wondrous expression, he added. "I don't like the way she raises her son y'know?"
"Adopted son..." Shorty muttered.
"Uh yeah. Anyway, where did we leave off?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed this somewhat short chapter :)

The next one is gonna be funny  :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on November 04, 2014, 12:23:40 AM
Yikes!  Some tension between Shorty and another youngling.  It seems like that mother longneck could be an issue moving forward.  Other than that the interactions between Ali and Littlefoot are quite nicely done.  :yes I can easily imagine Ali acting in the manner depicted here.

Other than that I don't have much too add for this chapter.  I look forward to the next installment.  :)

Oh, I did notice one thing, however:

Quote
Of course, the young Longneck was smart enough not to rage about a defeat in a game meant to be funny.

Fun should be used in the place of funny here.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 17, 2014, 06:27:33 PM
Chapter 36

10 minutes later:

"He sure is taking a while..." Ali pointed out while waiting in her tree.
Simultaneously, Littlefoot standing some Longneck-lengths away started to get annoyed by his misfortune thus far. "Where is she? She can't hide forever!" he complained. For the last five minutes already he had considered calling out for his friend to make a certain sound which he could locate. Ultimately, his pride got defeated by his urge to discover Ali. Seeking for an eternity wasn't any fun after all...
"Aaaaaaaliiiiiii! Where are you?" he called into the forest loudly, sharpening his ears and ready to receive any sound his friend might make if she had heard him calling.

"Ali, where are you?" The pink Longneck heard it loud and clearly. She had just been called out by Littlefoot to give a hint concerning her rough location. This was part of the game, although it wasn't used very often since it was considered less skillful to find the hider only after a hint. For a moment, a thought popped up in her mind. "I could act as if I didn't hear him... but then again that would be very mean. At least it would make me mad if I found out about it... and I don't want Littlefoot to be mad at me. I want him to like me after all..." Ali quickly abandoned her thought and did as she was told, uttering a sound to give her friend a hint regarding her location.

"Meep!" Littlefoot heart a distinct sound not too far away from his current location, recognising the voice as Ali's. "Now I'm gonna find you, Ali!" Littlefoot thought in determination in order to push up his spirits and excitement. With a grim smile on his face, he jogged towards Ali's hideout...

"Oh, he's coming..." Ali spotted Littlefoot approaching her rapidly. "I need to move further in or he might see me." Now the Longneck girl squatted in the main trunk again, peeking around the corner every now and then to get an idea of what Littlefoot was doing meanwhile.

"She gotta be somewhere..." Littlefoot mumbled to himself. He had observed his surroundings very carefully yet he didn't spot anything out of order. Slowly, he walked around a little, peeking into bushes and any other suspicious place.

Ali, much to her entertainment, observed her friend who was struggling to find her with no success so far. The girl knew that she had to be on alert since she had to move into the tree trunk very quickly in case Littlefoot happened to look up. As long as she was observing, she was also in constant danger of being discovered. Likewise, she had to be careful not to make any sounds. Though, there were sounds she had no control of.

*gurgle*
"What was that?" Littlefoot stopped where he was, listening to the sounds around him excitedly.

"Dammit!" Ali cursed, instantly retreating deeper into the log. "The tree sweets are bubbling around in my belly. I HATE it when that happens. Oh please, hopefully I won't have to..." Ali felt a suspicious feeling in her belly. "Uh oh..."

*gurgle*
A sound like bubbles of air rising up out of a pond originated from Littlefoot's belly. "Gee, these tree sweets are sure causing some trouble..." he mused. He knew what this would eventually result in. "Poor grandparents..."  he thought in anticipation of what was going to come in the next few hours. Suddenly...

*fart*
"Crap!" Ali cursed when the gas noisily sought a way to escape her stomach... successfully. "Stupid tree sweets!"  Ali cowered in her hideout, hoping that the fart didn't give her position away... and that she wouldn't have to abandon her hideout due to the gas.

"Huh?!" Littlefoot wondered, stunned. At first he thought he had released some wind but it clearly came from a tree in front of him. "Guess I'm not the only one with a bubbling tummy 'round here..." he thought in satisfaction. Now he knew he was very close to his victory.

"Eugh, that's torture!" Ali was almost snapping for fresh air. The tree trunk was filled with a bestial stench emanating from her. "Blast it, I can't stand it in here! I. Need. Fresh. AIR!" Ali robbed towards the opening in the trunk again, holding her breath at her best. When she finally peeked out of the hole, she noticed that Littlefoot was standing right beneath her. "He isn't looking up right now so I can get myself some fresh air!" The girl moved forward, sticking her head out of the opening just a tad so she could breath fresh air again. Littlefoot was just peeking behind the big tree the fallen tree she was in leaned against. However...

*Crack*
Before Littlefoot could locate the origin of the crack, he heard Ali screaming right above him and...
*Crash*
...and felt a heavy body crashing down onto him, pushing him into the ground.

"Holy s...!" Ali couldn't finish her curse since she found herself plummeting to the ground. Her level of adrenaline rose to an extreme level when her body realised that there was immediate danger. Ali was being prepared either to fight or run away. This situation, however, couldn't be fought or run away. The only thing that she could choose was which part of her would take the impact and the probable injuries that were bound to result in a drop of a few metres.
There wasn't any time for the young Longneck to realise what yet another injury could do to her – she had just recently recovered from almost dying of dehydration, overheating, extreme starvation and some severe sunburn.
The ground approached rapidly - Littlefoot approached very rapidly. The impact with her friend that neither of them could prevent still hurt but Littlefoot, if intentionally or not, possibly spared his dear friend a severe injury...

Littlefoot was in pain. His legs hurt because they had been moved in a very unfortunate way very fast when a weight that nearly matched his own, in addition to quite a momentum, multiplicated the force they were exposed to drastically; his back hurt due to the impact itself on the one hand and the bend that his spine had to withstand on the other hand. He groaned.

The realisation that Littlefoot had saved her hit Ali only seconds after the abrupt stop of her plummeting fall. "He has saved me!" The thought repeated itself a couple times in her head until the retreat of adrenaline reactivated her full brain capacity part of which they had blocked in order to allow instinctive programs to be run. Ali was kind of shocked and immobilised but she knew that she couldn't just rest on top of Littlefoot who had likely taken a bigger share of the impact than she had. Some childish voice in her head kept telling her to enjoy the body contact but Ali knew better than to listen to it, rolling over to remove her weight from Littlefoot. Ali got to her feet. Her belly and parts of her legs hurt but there weren't any injuries apart from some bruises to be seen.
"Littlefoot? Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.
A groan emanated from the boy.

Shorty knew where the talk between Bron and him had left off but he wasn't so sure whether he wanted to continue the intense interrogation. Despite Bron's sudden friendliness, Shorty didn't trust the truce that seemed to have developed between father and son. He had originally swore not to drop his shell more than necessary but Bron's lack of anger gave him a hard time staying hard on his demeanor. "I've already been too slacky!" the green Longneck thought grimly. He had just decided that it might prove to be favourable cooperating at his best lest Bron had a reason to be mad at him again when his foster parent answered his own question.
"Right, I remember now," Bron spoke up. "I was gonna ask you another question..."
"What question?" Shorty piped up. The young one was trying to sound bored while not sounding naughty. He had just figured that Bron's slackiness in staying hard on him outmatched his own struggle to stay mad by far, therefore he had made up his mind. "I'll try to redeem myself... for the time being; for Ali!" Shorty didn't know whether he could succeed at leaving the hatchlings in peace, Cho in particular, but he would try at his best. "For the time being..."Shorty smirked a little. Bron seemed to be willing to forgive him so he could easily convince him of his change for the better. Maybe he overreacted a little bit after all...
"I'd like to know how you've found Cho and the other hatchlings and when," Bron said calmly.
Shorty was painfully reminded of that event long, long ago...

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Uhm, another rather humorous chapter I suppose :smile Well, I hope you have as much fun reading as I had writing this scene  :exactly

The next chapter will be about twice the length my chapters usually have. Also, the mood will change (serious things at last :p).
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on November 19, 2014, 01:49:23 AM
After a humorous diversion we finally get to see that Bron is cutting to the chase.  He wants to know the truth about Shorty and the younger longnecks and how Cho fits into the bigger picture.  I suspect that the revelations in the next chapter will give us a much bigger picture of Shorty's past and the inner demons that he is currently fighting.  I eagerly await the conversation that is yet to come.

As for the humorous scene between Littlefoot and Ali, I enjoyed that greatly.  :smile Littlefoot seems to have a hard time with Hide and Seek even resorting to asking for a hint.  Luckily for him, Ali's own digestive system gave Littlefoot a few more hints.  But Ali decided to drop in before he could actually find her.  :lol If that is the aftereffects of treesweets then I have to imagine that Littlefoot's friends usually give him a wide berth after he has a snack!

A very good chapter.  :yes I look forward to seeing how Shorty's revelation affects the story.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 19, 2014, 01:04:25 PM
Thank you for the review :)

Quote
After a humorous diversion we finally get to see that Bron is cutting to the chase. He wants to know the truth about Shorty and the younger longnecks and how Cho fits into the bigger picture. I suspect that the revelations in the next chapter will give us a much bigger picture of Shorty's past and the inner demons that he is currently fighting. I eagerly await the conversation that is yet to come.
I think it's not too much of a spoiler and surprise if I say that you suspected correctly ;)

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As for the humorous scene between Littlefoot and Ali, I enjoyed that greatly. Dino_grins.gif
Great! :lol

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If that is the aftereffects of treesweets then I have to imagine that Littlefoot's friends usually give him a wide berth after he has a snack!
Well, I thought that this is an issue all planteaters have since their diet actually only consists of leaves and that sort of stuff. So fruits, while being a good source of energy, also cause some... trouble  :smile

Quote
A very good chapter. in-yes.gif I look forward to seeing how Shorty's revelation affects the story.
I'm sure you'll like that :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Littlefoot fan 1990 on November 19, 2014, 01:40:14 PM
I loved the humorous scene between Littlefoot and Ali. That scene made my day. Poor Ali; having to put up with the smell of her own gas. It was also funny to me when Littlefoot thought that he passed the gas. I also loved how Ali reacted when she passed the gas.  

I wasn't expecting to read about a character farting; but, then again, everybody farts; even fictional characters.

 :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 19, 2014, 02:50:26 PM
Thanks for your review :) I'm glad to know you read and enjoy my fanfiction :lol

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I loved the humorous scene between Littlefoot and Ali.
Me too (writing it was humorous anyway :p). It suppose there will be more scenes like that a little later in the story ;)

Quote
That scene made my day.
That's awesome! :DD

Quote
Poor Ali; having to put up with the smell of her own gas. It was also funny to me when Littlefoot thought that he passed the gas. I also loved how Ali reacted when she passed the gas.
Yeah, that made me grin when I wrote it  :lol

Quote
I wasn't expecting to read about a character farting; but, then again, everybody farts; even fictional characters.
Ha! I'm unpredictable  :angel Well, of course there will be serious scenes again since this story is supposed to be a serious one but sometimes there just has to be something random and funny. Some authors simply push forward the plot and make the story seem too composed. I try to give my stories a natural flow, as if it just happened out of the blue (some of my scenes are being thought up that way including the farting scene  :smile ) with out any planning. Just the way life goes... things just... happen :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 24, 2014, 07:36:28 PM
Double lenghty chapter (not proofread yet!). Enjoy!

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Chapter 37

Shorty and his siblings were observing the scene: Their father being of a green colour faced a female who was coloured in a light grey-ish tone. He was undoubtedly taller and stronger.
"I think it's about time that I teach them..." Hart snarled viciously. His inpenetrable gaze lasted on the infants that were congregated behind their mother. Even though they were far too young to understand what was going on, they were able to sense the tension between the two adult Longnecks.
The female gave the other sauropod a harassed gaze before she retorted. "What gave YOU the impression that you're going to get them, eh?"
Waves of pure energy seemed to emit from the eyes of the two who had locked them tightly.
"Well, I'm their father," the male stated coolly. "I have created them; without me they wouldn't even exist." He chuckled.
"Oh yeah?!" the protective Longneck shouted madly. "And who do you think built the eggs, carried them and lay the eggs?! I DID!!! Who shared her warmth with the unhatched? Who protected them against hungry predators preying upon them? Who taught them the basic things every dinosaur no matter its kind needs to learn? I DID!!!" She was panting and trembling due to her anger.
"Make a period, will ya?" Hart growled. "You have played your part of the game; now I'll take over!"
"Are you KIDDING???" The female was in rage. "These children are MINE and you're not gonna get them!"
"Says who?" the male sneered in amusement.
"They're mine! They know their mother and they'll return if you take them from me with force!" she retorted viciously.
"What could you possibly do?" Hart laughed. "You'd have no chance in a battle."
"I won't allow you to rob me yet again!" she whispered, fear erupting in her chest but her motherly instincts were stronger. "You've never been there for the children and you demand them? Is that how you've robbed the mother of these poor souls over there?!" She pointed at Shorty and his siblings.
"Ahh, are you sure you wanna hear that story?" Hart spoke in amusement.
"Yes, I am!" the mother snapped.
The tall green Longneck chuckled heartily to a degree that it almost sounded malicious. "Alright, my first mate was in a way much better and smarter than you," Hart narrated. "Admittedly, she was extremely naive. Other than you, she was still single which made things easier of course."
"Oh, I see! You didn't have to kill her mate!" There was wrath in the female's voice which highly alerted Shorty. "Did my father kill another Longneck?" the young boy wondered.
"Yes, a battle always poses a certain  threat although most folks aren't strong enough to put an end to those not worth mating a female," Hart explained. "It was easy really; that female thought I actually wanted to start a family. She was like a barnacle. It was so easy to get her to leave." He paused, looking at the female in front of him expectantly. "How do you think did I do that?" he questioned with a chuckle.
"Cold murder?" he got as a response.
"Oh no, she was smarter than you imply to be... She left me when I kept acting hateful and demanding as opposed to standing her ground like you do. She couldn't take the eggs with her of course so I kept them, making sure they were prospering."
"You won't take my kids!!!" the female roared all of a sudden, positioning herself in a defensive posture. "It's already bad enough that the children will never have a dad they can be proud of since he's the biggest ass this world has ever seen!"
"I'm in good spirits today so I'll forget you just said that," he hissed. "You have two days to decide whether you give me the children or fight for them!"
With that, he turned away from the female. "Come kids!" he ordered. Shorty and his siblings set into motion.


Shorty shuddered when he remembered that fateful day. It had changed his life. Forever. Did it change for the better or for the worse?

Later in the evening:

"Say daddy, why are you trying to take away the kids of that Longneck?" Shorty asked curiously.
"They belong to me 'coz I'm their father," the grown-up huffed.
"Wait, I don't quite understand! You're my father and also the father of my siblings. But how can you be their father if you're already ours? I'm confused!"


Back then, Shorty had difficulties to understand what was really going on. Nowadays, he knew perfectly well what his father had done to his mother and to the mother of the hatchlings...

"You see, son, females are only a burden. The only thing they're useful for is carrying offspring."
"Then why do you have two females, dad? Or is this female you were talking to my mother???" Shorty asked.
 "No, I have already told you how your mum looked like!" Hart snapped.
"Yes, yes, I remember now," Shorty quickly added. "She was tall - even taller than you."
"Yes..." Shorty's father mumbled. "She was..."
"And why do you want to take them away from her? What has she done wrong?"
"Now listen, son!" Hart thundered. "That's none of your business! Bugger off!"
"You chased mum away, didn't ya? Maybe you even killed her?!" Shorty screamed for he finally figured out something. His father was evil; he had to get away to find his mother...
"What if I did?" Hart commented, his gaze full of madness. Shorty got the chills, listening to his depraved father.
"Your mother was stupid enough to fall for my treacherous and false affection I've shown towards her. She allowed me to steer her into doing it and becoming a mother. She was weak, despicable. I needed to separate you children from her negative influence. I need strong children who don't allow their emotions to have a negative effect on their mind. Remember: Females are a burden."
"You're CRAZY!!!" Shorty yelled. "I'd much rather live with my mum than with you! I thought you were my dad but you're in truth a monster! I'll leave!"
"Good joke, little lad," Hart chuckled. "Now go to sleep, son."
"NO!" Shorty yelled. "I'll go!" Shorty turned around and began to run. Hart began to realise that his son might have been serious.
"You stay!" he ordered but Shorty only picked up speed. "YOU STAY!!!" he roared furiously.
Shorty kept running. He knew that his dad wouldn't let him go. He knew that he had to run away as fast as his legs would carry him. His dad considered him and his brothers as something that belonged to him. Seemingly, his dad not only considered him his possession but also these young children of the female. He had to warn them...
With a frown, Shorty realised that his father was following him and quickly gaining on him. His cumbersomeness was by far outmached by the sheer distance he could cover  with every step as opposed to Shorty's advantage in velocity that was greatly reduced by the shortness of his legs. The little Longneck panicked when he realised that he wouldn't escape his creator.
A scream was uttered when Hart had come in reach. The look on his face was murderous and intimidating. Shorty knew what his father was going to do with him. The punishment for disobeying let alone openly resisting his orders was beating. Shorty had been beaten before but he had never been guilty in such a tremendous way. When his father's strong neck punched him, forcefully making him lose his footing, Shorty knew he had lost. He trembled over and rolled over the rocky ground head over heels. The following series of painful tail whips hurt Shorty severely. The last thing he saw before everything went dark was the tail of his father coming down to crush his bones...


Shorty shivered when he was painfully reminded of perhaps the most painful and darkest day of his life. But he hadn't yet reached the point Bron was questioning for...

Shorty woke up in the next morning. He had felt a weak nudge to his cheek. Pain was crashing down on him like a breaking wave. Groaning, he weakly opened his eyes, seeing familiar faces. His brothers and sisters were gathered around him, looking at him in deep concern.
"He woke up..." one of Shorty's siblings mumbled. The attention of the little ones turned to their injured brother.
"Shorty, Shorty! Are you alright?" a vivid girl piped up.
Shorty groaned. "I've been better..."
"We thought you were dead!" she exclaimed. "But now you're fine!" The girl jumped around happily.


Shorty stopped for a moment. Even though he had until recently never regretted his decision to leave, he had always missed his siblings. He was particularly fond of Izzy while he didn't like Ricky who was the only of them who sympathized with their father's philosophy...

"Well, he's severely injured," Ricky pointed out. "If WE hadn't convinced dad of having mercy, he would've been dead!"
"He was gonna try to kill me?" Shorty wondered, his expression taking on a grim note.
"Yes, by the looks of it..." Izzy answered. "He kept beating you even after you were knocked out."
"Well, damn!" Shorty cursed.
"If you ask me, he should have finished you off... disrespecting and yelling at him, disobeying him. You're so dumb!"
It was Ricky speaking and Shorty felt a sudden wave of hatred. He wanted to charge at the minion of his crazy father but his physical state didn't allow him to set his intentions into motion.
"No, you're crazy! Our father is a monster! Why are you supporting him???"
"Because he's fucking right, stupid!" Ricky yelled.
"Boys..." Izzy sighed, rolling her eyes.
"Well, you can do what you want! I'm leaving!" Shorty announced.
"But-but you can't leave, Shorty!" Izzy cried. "Dad's gonna kill you!"
"He's gonna kill me if I stay..." Shorty muttered. "I HAVE to... and I have to warn the female so that he won't take her kids away to turn them into something like-like YOU!" The green Longneck glared at his brother.
"But Shorty..." the girl pleaded desperately.
"You may follow me, Izzy, as well as the others," Shorty explained.
"You can't go now! You're injured!" Izzy cried.
"I might not be able to leave right now..." Shorty admitted as he flinched due to the pain moving his legs caused. "But I will at the first opportunity!" he declared firmly. "Izzy, could you support me for a moment? Wanna check how bad my leg is, y'know?" Shorty requested.
"Of course!" his sister called. She positioned herself next to her brother. Shorty placed his weight on his legs that seemed unhurt, not counting the uncountable amount of bruises, scratches and cuts. He leaned against his sister and tried to place some weight on his injured left front leg. It was swollen so badly that Shorty knew what was expecting him before he had started. Nevertheless, he tried it and jerked in pain, letting himself fall against his sister's flank again. "Owww..." he whined. Shorty was nobody who was whiny so Izzy could tell that her brother's leg was in a really bad condition.
"Do you think it's broken?" the girl asked.
"Don't think so," Shorty replied. "It's my ankle killing me..."
"Is there anything I can do, dear brother?" Izzy questioned.
"Why yes. You know these leaves that are good for bruises and strained ancles?"
The young girl approved.
"Could you and the others find some? I know there isn't much green stuff around but it's worth a try, right?"
"Sure, on it bro!" Izzy exclaimed and ran off cheerfully. Shorty's other siblings joined her, though not as readily as Izzy.
"I'm not gonna help you..." Ricky declared, snarling. "But I'm not gonna tell dad about your suicidal plans either... If you wanna die starving or dying of thirst out there, that's your problem. None of my business, ya know?" With that, Ricky walked away, leaving Shorty in a thoughtful state.


Up to this day, Shorty didn't know how he had been able to survive for a couple of months until Bron had found him - thin but healthy. Even more so, he was amazed that the hatchlings had survived as well - all eight of them. It was already very tricky to sustain oneself in the Mysterious Beyond but making sure that eight mouths were filled in addition was a task that a young kid like Shorty was very unlikely to master. Though kids could get along with less food which was, however, often too high in the trees to be reached. "But I did!" Shorty thought somewhat proudly. "Nobody has ever shown some gratitude for this. Cho and the others owe their lives to me... I saved them from my dad!"
Shorty caught himself in the same old battle he was fighting for years already. Some part of his mind - the part he had recently learned to fear, told him not to let them get away with such a lack of respect and appreciation but another part of his mind - the part he was seldom using, told him to accept that. The kids couldn't remember what had happened for they were just too young so how were they supposed to respect him for something they had no memory of?
"I wouldn't believe it myself..." Shorty admitted grudgingly. His philosophy was about to be proven false. What some serious thinking could change...
Shorty started to revel in his memories of the following two days. They were dominated by the sisterly love and care Izzy had been showing towards him...

"Even though she knew that I was going to leave as soon as I could walk on my own, the little girl has sacrificed herself to help me, her dear brother, get well quickly." Shorty was convinced that her care had allowed him to perform the betrayal of his dad which had saved several lifes. The true hero was his sister. Shorty extremely wondered what had become of her. Was she still with his dad or did she follow his example and ran away? Was she even among the living? The last question Shorty could never answer unless he found either her corpse or her living form. "My sister might've been carefree and playful but she's strong if she has to!" Of that, Shorty was convinced. In a witty way, he considered that he would have probably developed a crush on her weren't she his sister. Her personality appealed to him, even more than Ali's he had to admit.
Shorty might have saved quite a few lives but there was one he couldn't save...

"Izzy, you HAVE to help me NOW!" Shorty pleaded. "Dad's gonna take the kids TONIGHT!!!"
It was evening, two days since Shorty had been struck down by his creator. His ankle hurt like crazy but he could already walk around a little if he left the injured leg in the air, only walking three-legged. It was very difficult to walk like that and he couldn't do it for more than a few moments before his muscles tired up. As long as his sister supported him, he could put some weight on his injured leg but he wasn't able to do it on his own.
"But Shorty! We have a long walk ahead of us and I'm not sure if you can do this," Izzy objected.
"I can't allow him to take the children of this female!" Shorty replied grimly. "He might be their father but he hasn't done ANYTHING to help her raise them. He's no right to claim them all for himself. Both parents are supposed to take care of their children!"
"Yes, I know Shorty..." Izzy replied quietly. She placed her body to Shorty's right and helped him to get up. Carefully, the two children began to walk. Shorty, at first, didn't put any weight on his bad leg for it hurt pretty badly. Soon, he tried to find the right amount of pressure he could ask of his ankle, amazed to realise that it, in spite of the wicked pain, could have been quite worse. He supposed that he was now capable of moving on his own but he didn't want to find out sooner than he had to - he'd much rather practise using the right amount of weight a little more.
Izzy eventually picked up the conversation again. "You sure know that dad sees females as inferior, as a tool that has one purpose only but no feelings at all."
"That's why I leave! He's so bloody disgusting. Wouldn't you want to search for our mum?" Shorty replied.
"I would but..."
"But what?"
"But-but I-I can't, Shorty!" Izzy stammered. "It's too dangerous! Here we have food and water... for a while. Out there is only wasteland - no water, no food, no shelter and lots of Sharpteeth! I can't leave dad as much as I'd like to... I'm sorry, brother." Izzy's face showed just how big a struggle it was for her to make up her mind. She was pretty depressed.
"Don't be sad, sis," Shorty mumbled. "Maybe it's better if you stay after all. I've got nothing to lose anymore..."
"Well, I'm just not brave enough but you're the bravest L..."
"Psst, quiet!" Shorty hissed abruptly.
For a moment, his sister thought she was being hissed at for she went on Shorty's nerves but then she heard it too. A voice... too familiar.
"No... we're too late!" Shorty grunted in discouragement. He could distinctively make out his father's voice shouting and a female voice retorting.
"We gotta hurry! Come on!" the girl exclaimed hectically.
Shorty didn't need to be told twice. Reacting out of instinct, he began to limp forward. He was instantly greeted by strong pain in his injured leg but he ignored it. He could now walk all alone thanks to a good amount of adrenaline.
Izzy didn't attempt to stop him for she knew that Shorty didn't need her support at that moment. Jogging along Shorty who was fighting back his torment, she listened to the sounds in the distance indicating that a horrible battle had started...


Shorty knew that the next moments in his memory would trouble him but he proceeded anyway...

15 minutes later:

"There's somebody lying on the ground!" Izzy exclaimed in panic and horror.
"No..." Shorty cursed and somehow managed to run the last metres despite his exhaustion and pain. He didn't need to get very close to the scene to realise that his anticipation was true. The female lay on the ground, her neck distorted in an impossible angle. There was no doubt: A broken neck meant immediate death for a Longneck. The mother of the hatchlings had been murdered in cold blood and her children were nowhere to be seen. Shorty had stopped his crazed sprint so abruptly, that his sister almost bumped into him.
"Oh no... Is she?" Izzy couldn't finish her question. There was no need for Shorty to answer anyway since the answer was as obvious as the fact that the Bright Circle would appear in the east after the night was over. The Longneck had been destroyed completely and utterly; nothing could repair the damage that Hart had done...


"It was this very realisation that opened Izzy's eyes..." Shorty thought sadly. He saw the scene in front of him: His sister collapsing to the ground, and he didn't know what to do. Crying had always been a tricky matter for the green boy. His father had taught him that crying was unacceptable. Those who cried were weak. Strong emotions had usually left Shorty unaffected but seeing other dinosaurs cry always got him... except the dinosaur in question was crying due to him terrorising them...

Shorty didn't know what to do. Izzy had curled up into a tight ball, crying her heart out. She didn't know the dead mother but her fate affected the young girl terribly. It was the fact that her father had done this that really crushed her. She knew her dad was really nasty but she didn't know he would kill to achieve his aims. Did he kill her mother as well? "No!" She remembered the argument between her brother and her dad which ended in a catastrophy for the former.
"Izzy, stop crying!" Shorty shouted. Even though he acted rough, Izzy could notice the pleading in his voice. "We can't give up now! We can take the little ones away from him!"
Izzy continued weeping on the floor.
"Izzy!" Shorty's eyes filled with water. "Crying doesn't help! We need to rescue them!"


It was perhaps the only thing his father had taught him that was actually true, Shorty reflected.

He carefully approached his sister and nudged her gently, steadily murmuring into her ear. To his surprise and relief, Izzy calmed down soon.
"B-but how are you g-going to do t-that?" she wondered, her voice still a little shaky.
"I need to do this alone..." Shorty mumbled. "If I get caught, you will live on to make sure these guys are fine... at least."
"What should I do then?" his sister asked.
"Hmm, it would be cool if you could make me a new bandage before I leave... for my ancle."
"I can do that," Izzy replied. "Where are we going to meet again?"
"Hmm," Shorty pondered.
"Here?" Izzy offered for she really didn't know a good location to regroup.
"Alright! Stay hidden and be careful, sis!" Shorty whispered.
"You too, my dear brother!" the girl whispered back. "Promise me that you'll be here..."
"I'll try..." Shorty gave a cheeky grin. "Take care!"
"See you later!"


Shorty recalled that he had never been as nervous as he had been back then...

His life depended on the reaction of the hatchlings and of his own actions. His sister was equally in danger of being discovered. Shorty's dad knew she was taking care of Shorty so he would blame her of allowing him to sneak off. Though he had a plan... It would only work if he made it back alive and unnoticed however.
The tension in his chest reached its climax when the nesting area of his dad came in sight. Shorty and Izzy had spent the last two days at a different place since Shorty didn't want to be close to his dad.
It was an eerie feeling to approach him in the darkness and it was possibly the last time he would see him in one way or another.
As soon as he was close enough to observe, he stopped his limping walk and tried to gather information.
His dad, the massive mountain of flesh in the distance, was snoring loudly. His other three siblings were lying by his side as well as the hatchlings who were huddled up a little distance away. Shorty counted them to make sure that they all had survived. "Only seven? One of them is missing..."
Shorty soon decided to get a little closer to make sure he didn't count wrong. He had hardly set into motion, ignoring the pain as always, when he noticed a faint cry. Somebody was sobbing into the night and Shorty could tell that it came from a different direction than the other little ones. Carefully, he adjusted the direction he was walking to, following the restless thing that was unfortunate not to find its rest tonight. "It's one of the hatchlings..." Shorty deduced but he didn't know where it was. Soon the crying went silent as Shorty slowly approached. Maybe the little Longneck had heard him, deciding that it was better to be on alert and not give away its location too easily. In the darkness of the night, Shorty couldn't see much so he had to rely on his remaining senses. The little one appeared to be aware of that.
Shorty might have been surprised by the possibility, weren't it for another surprise that made him jerk. Right in front of the boy, lied a little Longneck black as the night. The only thing that had caused him to notice it prior to walking and bumping right into it were the green eyes that seemed to reflect every little bit of light that happened to enter them. They were staring at him, questioning, frightened and sad.


It was one of very few moments in Shorty's life that had saved him. If he had tripped over the young Longneck, then the panicked scream of it would have alerted his dad and he might have taken additional damage to his injured ankle. "Or worse..."

After Shorty had recovered from the shock, he spoke up softly. "Don't worry, little one. I don't mean you any harm." He tried to smile.
The little Longneck didn't run away or started crying so Shorty continued. "Why aren't you with your siblings... and why were you crying?"
The hatchling began to sob again.
"Where's your mother by the way," Shorty questioned.
At that question, the young one erupted in tears, weeping against Shorty's right, unhurt leg.
"She's gone, isn't she?" Shorty asked softly. He felt her head moving up and down and heard her crying growing in intensity. "And the big guy over there did it, right?"
The hatchling broke down, wailing. It was the second time that day that he had to endure somebody crying in depression. Like previously, his aim was to stop the dinosaur in question's weeping. He sought for a way to do that.
"Hey, it's alright," Shorty managed to whisper into the little one's ears, nuzzling her. He didn't like doing what he was doing but he utterly needed its full trust. That and he also needed her to calm lest she woke up his dad.
"This tall Longneck who took you and your siblings is an evil monster," the boy explained. "Look what he's done to me... I've been beaten and nearly been killed."
The attention of the young one shifted to Shorty's poor form. It could only guess the immense force the kind Longneck comforting her after its mother had been killed had had to stand. The trust it had in Shorty grew quickly.
"Do you wanna come along?" Shorty mumbled softly. "You and your siblings may follow me. I'm gonna run away from that monster, trying to find my mother."
Shorty noticed that the little one had reduced her crying to sobbing; she was looking up to him. Shorty didn't know its gender yet but her quiet, high-pitched cries and sobs indicated that she was a girl.
"Come along, you won't regret it," Shorty promised, donating the little one a warm smile.
She pondered about it for some moments then nodded shyly. The tears in her face were old – left-overs from crying earlier.
A huge weight was removed from Shorty's chest when the little one agreed. It made him so emotional that he nuzzled her much longer than he planned to, the hatchling returning the favor by licking his cheek happily.
"Now go get your siblings but be quiet and careful," Shorty told her. "Ya don't wanna wake him up after all..."
The girl nodded her approval and began walking in the direction of her siblings.
"I'll wait for you here," the green boy added before the hatchling walked away.


"So that's how I met Cho..." Shorty mused. It was impossible to believe how badly Shorty had treated her all over the years, when he only looked at that scene. But that wasn't important. Not now...

Eventually, Cho indeed returned to Shorty, bringing along all seven little ones.
Shorty explained them everything. Not all of them accepted his offer as readily as the dark-coloured girl, whose pleading gestures towards her siblings were a notable help, but soon they all were ready to follow him.
Shorty was amazed that his plan had worked out so extremely well but he always kept in mind that it wasn't over yet - he might have been able to take the children not with force but with patience and his good will but he had yet to ensure that he stayed the supervisor of them; a task not easy to master for a kid.
"By the way, my name's Shorty!" he called, having forgotten to tell them previously. "What're your names?"
None of them appeared to be old enough to talk, thus he wasn't too surprised that nobody was voicing up. Only the dark-coloured girl seemed to be in a thoughtful state. "Well, no problem... now let's run away as fast as our legs carry us! I know you'd much rather sleep now but we need to get away or that monster is gonna find us in the morning. At least, we need a hideout!"
Shorty could tell that the little ones were reluctant but they could see why Shorty was urging them on, notably the girl...

Izzy was hiding in a forest near the dead female's body. Nervously, she cast a look to the direction Shorty had walked to, her ears so eager to serve her that she'd hear every twig snap. She had long found and gathered the leaves that would help heal the injury of her brother, waiting for a sign of life.
After she had waited for a long time, fear making her feel creepy, worry nagging on her, the girl heard somebody hissing, approaching. Tension and excitement popped up in her. Was it Shorty returning whether successful or not or her dad coming to punish her? She was on alert, awaiting either possibility although she couldn't be prepared.

Shorty entered the area he wanted to regroup with his sister. He observed his surroundings.
"Hmm, she's probably hiding somewhere... smart my sister, smart," Shorty thought. He sharpened his ears and softly hissed. "Psst, quiet now, okay?"
The little ones obeyed. Shorty had explained them that he had to say good bye to his own sister who couldn't join him.
"Izzy? It's me... I've got them," he called into the silence of the night quietly.
Suddenly, something began to run at a fast pace right towards him. At first, Shorty was a little concerned about somebody else than his dear sister leaving its hideout but then he saw her, a happy, excited grin on her face and the leaves on her back.
"Shorty!" she exclaimed in joyful laughter. For a moment she seemed to tackle her brother to the ground but then she reduced her speed and gently clinged to her brother's body.
"I'm SO happy you're fine!" she cried.
"Me too," Shorty agreed.
"Here, the leaves..." the girl mentioned. She gently removed the old bandage and began to create a new one. "Try not to remove it until it's fully healed," she advised.
"Don't worry, I won't," Shorty replied.
There was a moment of silence.
"Well..." Shorty broke the silence. "Guess I gotta go now, Izzy. Do you know a place we can hide at?"
"No, I don't know such a place, sorry..." Izzy answered. "Maybe you'll find a place to hide in the rocks to the north?"
"Worth a try..." Shorty muttered. "I can't make them walk all night and day and they're not too far away... if we hurry we'll be there at dawn."
"I also think that you should keep walking north," Izzy mentioned. "It's colder there so chances are that there's food and water. Dad never lead us to the north, only westwards. What does he think is going to change?"
"Well, it can't get worse, can it?" Shorty mused.
"Don't say things like that or they turn true," Izzy spoke wisely.
"Yeah..." Shorty sighed. "Anyway, we gotta go now..." Shorty's expression turned to depression.
"I know..." Izzy was looking down at the ground.
"We'll meet again, my sister," Shorty said assuringly when he noticed the tears in her eyes.
"One way or another..." she sobbed.
Shorty allowed her to snuggle with him for a few seconds, looked into her watery eyes, nodded towards her... and turned around, walking away. He knew that he had to stay strong to lead the young ones. Prolonging the time to say good bye, would have made him cry.
Shorty gestured towards the hatchlings to follow him. Fast but in a pace they could keep, he walked away towards the rocks up north. He didn't look back...



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I've written almost all of this during my stay in Croatia (and since then only one more chapter was written :bang) I'm very interested in getting to know how you perceived this flashback. I'm very pleased with the outcome so I hope you have enjoyed it! :yes

The next chapter (not sure when I can upload it - might take a while...) will be centered on Ali/Littlefoot again. A new conflict will be introduced that might have a serious impact on the story (not quite sure about that myself :p)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Nahla on November 25, 2014, 02:31:44 AM
Oh wow,poor Shorty.

Very very nice chapter,I like the funny chapters but where there are too many and not many serious ones..not so much,unless the fic is meant to be a comedy..then it would make sense for the chapters to be funny.

Nice to know the serious chapters are making a return.

Poor poor,Shorty..that flashback part reminds me of something...can't put my finger on it though...

Hart also reminds me of an OC I used to have...are he and Hades brothers or something? That would not surprise me at all  :lol both are jerks,treats females like dirt,terrible fathers,and yet still have a son who obeys them

Shorty..nice? Wow,shocker,but glad to know he isn't a total douche.

And we finally now how Shorty met little Cho,but why does he treat her so badly now? Because she now reminds him of those events?

Also I noticed you keep saying 'ancle',I belive you mean 'ankle' you could use ancle but for people places ancle means something very different.

Good job
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 25, 2014, 01:30:30 PM
Wow, thanks for the review, Nahla! :lol

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Very very nice chapter,I like the funny chapters but where there are too many and not many serious ones..not so much,unless the fic is meant to be a comedy..then it would make sense for the chapters to be funny.

Nice to know the serious chapters are making a return.
Yeah, it's a story meant to be serious but there are also these inbetween scenes where I can put some comedy :p I try not to let one of these two sorts take over and maintain a good balance. Though you can't always do that depending on the situation in your fic. Atm there's not a lot of conflict in my story but be assured that WILL change... one day if I ever get around to continue working on it :bang

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Poor poor,Shorty..that flashback part reminds me of something...can't put my finger on it though...
I know what you mean...

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Hart also reminds me of an OC I used to have...are he and Hades brothers or something? That would not surprise me at all dino_laugh.gif both are jerks,treats females like dirt,terrible fathers,and yet still have a son who obeys them
I know, there are similar character traits but be assured I didn't steal your precious Hades  :angel

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Shorty..nice? Wow,shocker,but glad to know he isn't a total douche.
Yeah, at first I made him a total jerk but now more details about him are being revealed which might change the perception the reader has of him... and Shorty's fellow dinosaurs of course ;)

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And we finally now how Shorty met little Cho,but why does he treat her so badly now? Because she now reminds him of those events?
I won't comment on that for now. It's all gonna be revealed one day :exactly

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Also I noticed you keep saying 'ancle',I belive you mean 'ankle' you could use ancle but for people places ancle means something very different.
Hmm, guess you're right  :oops Like I said, it wasn't proofread yet (well, of course I DID proofread it but that's no guarantee for it being free of mistakes :smile) because my proofreader is just as busy as I am...

Glad you enjoyed the chapter, Nahla!  :wow
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on November 26, 2014, 05:58:33 PM
Wow.  This chapter is absolutely breathtaking in the shear tragicness of Shorty's experience.  His father represents a malignant and sociopathic character that views women as weak pawns to be used for pleasure and the creation of offspring, nothing more.  Sadly, his propensity of taking multiple mates (and killing their previous suitors) is probably closer to reality for sauropods than the monogamous condition displayed in the LBT universe.  With such a beast of a father it is no wonder why Shorty had no possible male role models until Bron came along.

Likewise, we now have some detail on where Cho came from.  It will be interesting to see why Shorty began to mistreat her.  Somehow I suspect that he is relieving his own inner demons in the only way that he was shown, by taking it out on another being.  I look forward to seeing what happens between Shorty and Cho and likewise it will be interesting to see if Shorty's sister ever makes an appearance in the story again.  It seems that in leaving his siblings Shorty lost some deep part of his psyche.  Now he will have to struggle to gain that back.

This was an excellent addition that makes the reader really feel for Shorty and lament that he has changed from his past self.  It makes you wonder what horrors he must have seen in order to change him for the worse.  I eagerly await the next installment.  :yes

Just a few typos:

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Shorty and his siblings were spectating the scene:

Observing would be a better word than spectating.  Though technically a word, spectating is often considered an odd word choice.

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The last thing he saw before his eye light turned off was the tail of his father coming down to crush his bones...

Perhaps instead of "his eye turned off" you could put "everything went black" or "darkness overtook him".  These word choices would convey the horror of the scene more effectively.

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His father had taught him that crying was inacceptable.

Unacceptable, not inacceptable.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 26, 2014, 06:51:02 PM
Thanks for the review, rhombus :)

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Wow. This chapter is absolutely breathtaking in the shear tragicness of Shorty's experience.
I'm glad you see it this way :yes That's what I meant to get across...

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His father represents a malignant and sociopathic character that views women as weak pawns to be used for pleasure and the creation of offspring, nothing more. Sadly, his propensity of taking multiple mates (and killing their previous suitors) is probably closer to reality for sauropods than the monogamous condition displayed in the LBT universe. With such a beast of a father it is no wonder why Shorty had no possible male role models until Bron came along.
Yes, you're completely right about his father. His view on females is... not exactly a good role model to say the least...

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Likewise, we now have some detail on where Cho came from.
Yep, that's a big surprise, isn't it? :p

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It will be interesting to see why Shorty began to mistreat her. Somehow I suspect that he is relieving his own inner demons in the only way that he was shown, by taking it out on another being.
Yep, that'll be interesting  :angel

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I look forward to seeing what happens between Shorty and Cho and likewise it will be interesting to see if Shorty's sister ever makes an appearance in the story again. It seems that in leaving his siblings Shorty lost some deep part of his psyche. Now he will have to struggle to gain that back.
Good question, good question... :p Well, it has been mentioned what happened to his siblings in an earlier chapter ;)

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This was an excellent addition that makes the reader really feel for Shorty and lament that he has changed from his past self. It makes you wonder what horrors he must have seen in order to change him for the worse. I eagerly await the next installment. in-yes.gif
Yeah, exactly. I'm glad I made you feel that way  :exactly Hope you're going to enjoy the next chapter as well ^^ Also thanks for the corrections :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 30, 2014, 08:30:24 AM
Geez! Sorry for the long wait guys  :angel This is actually the last chapter I have at the moment. I'll get back into writing soonish however so I should at least be able to write another 2 or 3 chapters before school will torture me again...

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Chapter 38:

Ali's concern for Littlefoot grew with every moment her friend didn't respond. "Littlefoot?!" she exclaimed inquiringly. But then she noticed the cheeky grin on his face. "Stop acting like I flattened you!"
"You did..." Littlefoot groaned, maintaining his grin nevertheless. With some difficulty, he rose to his feet again. "How the heck did you get up there anyway?" the young Longneck then questioned.
"Hehe, you could've searched for hours..." Ali snickered. "The fallen tree trunk was hollow..."
"Well, I gotta admit it was a great place to hide," Littlefoot applauded. "Only... what stupid intuition told you to place your full weight on a rotten piece of wood? Why didn't you stay hidden in your tree?" There was true concern in Littlefoot's words. "You could have got seriously hurt, Ali!"
"Yes, Mum!" Ali responded in a witty way to the almost accusatory words of her friend.
"I'm serious!" Littlefoot stressed. "You've been in danger a little too often lately or am I wrong, Ali?"
"Well, maaaaybe. Let's just have fun!" Ali called happily.
"Next time there might not be someone to catch you when you fall, Ali. You shouldn't be so carefree!"
"Gee, he must be really worried about me..." Ali mused. "Which means he must like me very much!" The thought only increased her level of happiness. She had played a great game and her crush not only saved her but also seemed to hold her dear. A gurgling in her tummy interrupted her thoughts.
"Yes, I know, Littlefoot..." Ali replied a little meekly. "I just want to have fun while there is somebody to share the fun with, you know?"
Littlefoot knew this feeling too well to argue with Ali's logic, nodding.
"You can't imagine how boring it was these past times! All the bloody time I had to stay serious and to behave like a good lady. It feels so good to be free!"
"Still no reason to risk your life, silly," Littlefoot pointed out but he was twinkling at her. "Or else your so called freedom will be of short sorts. After all, this is now the second accident that involves you falling off high places within two days..." Littlefoot poked out his tongue.
"Well, it was silly..." Ali admitted. "I hope my silliness didn't hurt you..." At that point, Ali realised that she hadn't thanked Littlefoot for his bravery. "Thanks for softening my fall anyway. I'll forever be grateful!" A shy smile appeared on her face. The pink Longneck walked a few steps towards her friend, her smile growing brighter with the distance between the two rapidly shrinking away. Before Littlefoot could analyse this behavior, he was caught off-guard when the girl moved her tongue across his cheek and then cuddled her head against his neck, leaving Littlefoot perplexed. "Thank you!" Ali whispered sweetly. "You're very brave..."
Littlefoot was totally flabbergasted. Ali's emotional reaction surprised the young Longneck. How should he react to the obvious affection his friend was showing towards him? What should he say in response? Was he even ready for this kind of thing? Littlefoot liked Ali more than he'd like to admit in company of his friends or members of his family but did he like her as much as Ali implied to like him? He enjoyed the affection of the girl but he also felt very awkward about it and he couldn't really explain to himself why that was...
"Uhh, well... why you're welcome..." he managed to stammer while rudimentarily returning the cuddling of Ali who didn't seem to be willing to let go of him. "I-I didn't save you because I wanted to by the way..." he mentioned with a funny feeling. "Sure, I'm brave and I would've tried to catch you but I just happened to stand right underneath you. It was pure coincidence that I caught you, Ali. I didn't even notice you until you crashed into me..."
Ali didn't appear to be very impressed by this. "It was still cool..." she mumbled dreamily.
"Boy, she's like one of these sticky plants that won't let go of you if you touch them..." Littlefoot mused. Luckily for him, his belly roared furiously at that moment, causing the girl to pull her neck away from his.
"You too?" Ali chuckled. "Well..." her stomach made funny sounds. "These tree sweets make my inside bubble like hot water..."
"Mine feels like a Smoking Mountain which is about to explode... if you know what I mean..." Littlefoot explained, the pressure in his stomach steadily increasing.
"Hehe, mine already exploded when I was hiding..." Ali mentioned, giggling.
"Ah, so that's why you came out..." Littlefoot realised in amusement.
"Got too stinky in there, yeah..." Ali confirmed. The situation had completely changed in the matter of a couple moments. Ali's little romance was already forgotten.
"Gee, and I thought girls' farts don't stink..." Littlefoot mused more to himself than to Ali.
"Allow me to prove you wrong!" Ali called with a smirk. Before Littlefoot could react to that, she turned her rear part in his direction and released the leftover of her digestion with a swooshing sound.
While preparing for the cloud of gas to reach his nose, Littlefoot was preparing his very own surprise.
"Alright, not bad," he announced eventually. "A silent but not deadly... Watch, listen, smell and learn!"
Now it was Littlefoot's turn. He turned his behind towards Ali and...
*faaaaaaaaaaart*
released the pressure soundly, it lasting for several seconds. Ali took on a disgusted expression.
"That's an actual boy's fart, my friend!" he exclaimed while the gas reached both of their noses.
"Whoa! Are you going to kill me?" Ali laughed.
"No, though it's my turn to hide now. That's if you wanna continue playing..."
"Sure I do!" Ali exclaimed. "I'll find you!"
"We'll see..." Littlefoot said with a smirk.

Up to this day, Shorty would sometimes dream about that tear-jerking moment in his life. Not only in his dreams he could hear her desperate cries, her grief-stricken wails, her unceasing sobbing. The memory of every dinosaur saved pictures; it saved conversations, smells, odors and the way certain things feel like when being touched. On top of all that, it sometimes saved  sounds as well. The mourning of Izzy was engraved into Shorty's mind forever.

No matter how far he walked, Shorty could still hear his sister crying over the loss of her dear brother. It was dawn when her crying finally stopped. Moments later he arrived at the formation of rocks. There wasn't an explicit hideout but Hart wouldn't see them there. Shorty decided to do the watch duty despite his tiredness. The pain in his leg had increased yet he climbed up the rocks until he found a sheltered spot where the hatchlings could sleep. Then he went some distance away to a stone arch from where he could watch both the hatchlings and the desert that separated the sort of oasis that used to be his temporary home from him. It was only then when he finally allowed himself to cry...

Shorty had reached the point where his memories became very wary. Besides, there was nothing interesting to remember as soon as it became apparent that they had escaped against all odds.
Bron had asked him a question that he had to answer. But the boy wasn't so sure if he should tell Bron the truth since he had a bad, funny feeling about it. Cho had never revealed anything, nor had Shorty. "Well, I told 'em I found 'em all alone..." Shorty remembered. Should he tell Bron what he had told him before? Should he tell the truth?

A few minutes later:

Littlefoot relaxed in his hideout - a swamp-like spot surrounded by some high grass that wouldn't let him peek out to see what's going on... and, consequently, wouldn't allow anybody to peek in. Since he had nothing to do but to wait and listen to sounds, he tried to fathom Ali's odd behavior earlier. He had already figured out that Ali was really fond of him. "She must've developed quite a crush on me I guess..." Littlefoot mused. He had to admit that he was quite fond of the vivid girl himself. However, her odd behavior earlier concerned him a little. "Looks like she wants me to be her boyfriend b-but... do I really wanna?" the young Longneck wondered. The image of Ali and him kissing gave him a creepy feeling that he couldn't quite explain. Some part of him would love that to happen while the other part was uneasy about it. "I don't understand!" he cursed to himself. Why was love such a difficult subject in contrast to things like friendship or family? "Why don't I want it? It'd be so cool to have Ali as a girlfriend... but somehow I don't think it's the right thing... Well, maybe I'm just not ready to get so close with her? Maybe I should ask my grandparents for advice on that matter?"
That sounded like good advice to the young Longneck. After all, he had never talked about love and everything related to that subject with them. Maybe the time had now come that such a talk was due?
A crack alerted him - someone was approaching, snapping twigs as they did so...

After Ali had performed walking around an old tree twenty times with her eyes closed, she had opened her eyes and tried to follow Littlefoot. Since she could still hear, Ali knew about where Littlefoot went off to, following the foot prints of her friend which she soon discovered in the soft, muddy ground.
Pondering about the short moment of fondness between the two young souls, as she was tracking down the very Longneck, Ali tried to reflect upon it. To an uninvolved observer, who happened to have witnessed the scene Ali's thought's were just circling around, it would have been absolutely obvious how Ali perceived it. "It was amazing!!!" The girl got pretty cheerful as she let the scene happen again in front of her inner eye while her actual eyes were checking Littlefoot's footprints and her surroundings. She'd occasionally stop to check a dubious object like a bush or a hollow tree trunk, keeping her pace low. There was no need to hurry whatsoever - as long as she performed her role in this game with great care and exactness, she'd find the hider without a problem.
"I wish the huddling had lasted longer..." Ali didn't know much about the matter of love, except for two things: It could be the most wonderful yet also the cruelest feeling and it was bloody difficult to do things right, to make the best decision. At least her mother told her these facts about one of the predominating things in life. Whether or not they held as much truth as she believed, she would have to find out herself.
Like her mother had once told her, the subject of love was nothing one could study - it was something to be felt and discovered individually. Nonetheless, some basic education was necessary for children to be prepared. Ali wasn't given the delightful "talk" yet but, knowing her mother's protectiveness, which not seldomly got on the young Longneck's nerves, she assumed she was due to hear it very soon.
If there was one thing about love she had already learned by herself, it was that her mother was right in one aspect: "Why does love have to be so extremely tricky?!" There were numerous examples, Ali trying to name a few.
"If only I knew what Littlefoot really thinks about me... or what feelings he actually has towards me? Does he love me too? Does he know what I feel towards him?" All these questions, all these uncertainties complicated things. Ali couldn't know what was the proper approach. "Should I have huddled with Littlefoot longer? Should I have looked him into the eyes? Or even kissed him on the cheek? But what if he doesn't like me as a girlfriend? Maybe he'd keep more distance to me or even avoid me if I went too far? But how can I show him that I love him without doing it too obviously? What should I do?!"
Ali didn't use a strategy to approach this problem. Until now, she had always listened to her romance-stricken heart but maybe she had to act more calculating and biding? Sighing and peeking into a bush with nobody in it, Ali moved onward to another problem related to love.
"What if I desire somebody but somebody else desires me?" Ali was caught in this very situation, Shorty taking interest in her and she in Littlefoot. If Littlefoot didn't return the romantic feelings Ali had for him, that would create an even worse conflict. If that were the case - Ali hoped it wasn’t, then she'd either have to approach Shorty, insist on loving Littlefoot or just have an unromantic friendship with both... if it lasted anyway.
"Stupid love!" Ali cursed into the blue sky quietly. The issues being in love with somebody brought annoyed the girl.
Of course there were some other issues but Ali's attention turned to the game of Hide and Seek when she stepped on a twig, snapping it loudly...

"How 'bout this place?" Kenneth asked his companion. Sue inspected the small pond critically. Kenneth (or, as he pleaded to be called, Ken) had lead her through the valley, woods, rivers, meadows and crowds of Longnecks alike - too many Longnecks for the quiet and gigantic Ken who prefered a one-individual head... or at least one with very few members.
Sue gave an approving nod combined with a smile. Unlike most of the other plenty watering holes and rivers which were crowded, only two elderly Longnecks, who quickly went their way with a knowing smile when they noticed the two young grown-ups, took a drink there.
"Why it looks... nice," Sue replied shyly.
Kenneth gestured towards the water. "My pleasure. Least I can offer a lady like you," he spoke coolly.
Sue felt like a young girl when she slowly walked the last few steps to the edge of the small pond, excited and shining bright like the Bright Circle. She couldn't believe it: She had just met the coolest, tallest and most awesome man she had ever dreamed of and he fullfilled all the criteria of her dreamed-of husband. His neck was so long and strong and his eyes...
Sue had some difficulty drinking since watching Ken drink was so enticing - even as he bent down his neck to the water he would still tower over smaller kinds of longnecked dinosaurs.
The cool water sent a chill down her spine though that was nothing compared to the chill that Kenneth's next words caused running across her whole body.
"I like you," Kenneth stated matter-of-factly, dropping the mysterious and trivial tone of his voice for once.
Sue's heart jumped around jollily in her chest. "He likes me? HE LIKES ME!" she thought jubilantly, now inhaling his words.
"Never really thought I'd find somebody I feel comfortable around... thought I'm jus' too big, shy and simply too much of a loner to open myself, y'know. Sue." He spoke her name sweetly and peeked into the female's sapphire-like eyes.
Sue felt a funny sensation when Ken spoke her name. "Didn't know such a tough guy can be so darling?" her mind tweeted.
"You-you... you really... err..." Sue stammered unintelligibly. The words just didn't come out right.
"Shhh," Kenneth hissed softly. "No need to be nervous, dear. Yes, I confess I like you. There, it's out."
Somehow, Kenneth's words indeed calmed her nerves and, specifically, her lyrical excitement. Now the words flowed a little better. "Why, I-I like you too. You're the most handsome Longneck I've ever had the pleasure to get to know!"
"And yer're the first soul enlight'nin' my heart, young lady," Kenneth countered with mischievous laughter.
"Aww, and you're so tall and strong. No Sharptooth would dare attack us two!"
"Nah. Ain't a great fighter. Never really had to, y'know?" The two exchanged some chuckles, Sue chuckling a little heartier.
"Finally somebody who is taller than me..." Sue exclaimed and sighed at the same time.
"Finally somebody not lookin' like my adolescent daughter," Kenneth mused with a grin.
Sue laughed at this. She was already a giant compared to most of her kind as it was but Ken in lack of another word a titan. "Must be an alien feeling. Heck, it IS!" Then an idea came to the female's mind. "C-can I touch your neck, Ken?" It was a risk asking for such a thing but Sue took it anyway.
Ken's response was a mixture of a chuckle, surprise and amusement. He just nodded.
Sue's level of excitement rose to dangerous heights when she, smiling ever so brightly, fulfilled her wish.
"Y'know, I never really thought 'bout love," the male began, when Sue rested her head against his muscular neck. "Really regret it now for I know nothin' about it."
"Mind me helping you out?" Sue offered warmly.
"Eeyup," Kenneth agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ehh, this chapter is quite focussing on love I guess... and farts... just a little :lol I just want to portrait the randomness and happiness of the two young Longnecks. They haven't seen each other so I think it's interesting to see them finally having some fun together again. There wasn't much space in LBT 4 for that, not to mention "The Brave Longneck Scheme"... Even though it might not be the most interesting kind of plot I still think it's right to include these scenes to the story. The real tension will eventually build up again. So please excuse my somewhat random scenes. I'm trying to bring you some humour before the dark stuff happens (which shall not be a spoiler  :angel )

Well, I can't really give you a short hint as for what the next chapter will be about since I've only written some bits and pieces of it yet. Be sure of one thing: It'll be about Littlefoot and Ali mostly :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Littlefoot fan 1990 on December 30, 2014, 11:24:33 AM
Ha ha; more farts. That was great.

Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 30, 2014, 01:29:56 PM
Thanks :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: LittlefootAndAliTogether on December 30, 2014, 02:48:19 PM
Hope Ali doesn't die.  I love her too much!  

Also, don't hurt Shorty!  

Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on December 31, 2014, 05:23:00 AM
This was a rather nice addition to the story.  :yes We get some random humor from our two little love birds... er... sauropods... and they are beginning to reach many of the same conclusions that the readers have already reached concerning their relationship.  Despite these happy scenes, however, I have a feeling that the intentions of Kenneth and Shorty's little secret might have major implications later on.  I look forward to seeing how this develops.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 31, 2014, 08:25:42 AM
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This was a rather nice addition to the story. in-yes.gif
Ah, that's good to hear :) I was a little concerned about my chapters becoming a little pointless...

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We get some random humor from our two little love birds... er... sauropods... and they are beginning to reach many of the same conclusions that the readers have already reached concerning their relationship
Yeah, though there are also indications that love is complicated ;)

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Despite these happy scenes, however, I have a feeling that the intentions of Kenneth and Shorty's little secret might have major implications later on. I look forward to seeing how this develops. smile.gif
Regarding Shorty, you're completely right. Even though we know now that Cho is his half-sister (in the same way that Tricia is Cera's half-sister), there are more secrets around Cho and Shorty is certainly involved in this  :smile
As for Kenneth (I guess it's obvious where I got the name from... just chose it because it's a rather unique and beautiful name), all I will say is that he will remain a mystery for a little longer. Whether his intentions are villainous or noble has yet to be revealed  ;) I know he shares some character traits with Doc but he isn't like him. I shall say so much just to make that clear...

Thank you for the review, rhombus :)

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Hope Ali doesn't die. I love her too much!

Also, don't hurt Shorty!
It would be too big of a spoiler to tell you whether any of the options you named will happen. I like Ali a lot (though I'm not obsessed about her) and, as I was writing this story, I've begun to like Shorty too.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 03, 2015, 02:16:19 PM
It's been a while...  :angel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 39

"Is that Ali?" Littlefoot wondered. He knew that he was hidden from any small creature like Ali who was trying to find him. Despite that knowledge, Littlefoot decided to lay down into the muddy, swampy ground for he knew that Ali might realise she should check this place out...

"Crap, I shouldn't make my presence known to Littlefoot!" Ali scolded herself for snapping a twig loudly. "If he's here, he will be on alert now and it'll be harder for me to catch sight of him."
Frustrated and filled with new motivation, the young girl tried to gather information about the area she found herself in. "Lots of trees... some bushes too small for Littlefoot to hide in... and tall grass to my right a little ahead of me!" Ali knew now where she had to go for she would have gone straight in there was she not the seeker...

Littlefoot attempted to breathe quietly but it still appeared to be as loud as a roaring storm in his perception. Perhaps this was due to the thick silence in this area of the oasis? Wherever there were crowds it was noisy, the air full of chatter. Here in the tranquility of the forest it was utterly quiet. Except for his stomach, that was. "Oh crap, I mustn't fart now!" Littlefoot thought grimly. His belly was roaring like a Smoking Mountain yet he had to suppress the urge to let go of all the gas inside of him.

Ali entered the tall grass. The first thing she noticed was the softness of the ground. She sank into it, in fact, leaving deep, muddy footprints as she slowly crept into the tall grass. "Footprints! Littlefoot must have left some if he's in here!" Ali thought excitedly. "The search might not take that long after all."

Meanwhile, Littlefoot received some sounds which clearly indicated that he wasn't alone in the tall grass... and there was little doubt about the dinosaur in question's name.
"Ali..." Littlefoot hummed while rising his head to see if the girl was close by. Apparently, she was not but there was something else that caught his attention...
"Gee, I'm sure leaving a deep print in the mud..." Littlefoot figured when he saw the hole where his neck and head had been resting seconds ago, now filled with dirty water. Then his wandering gaze stopped at a point somewhere behind him.
"Oh darn it! I left bloody footprints! What kind of a bad hider am I?!" Littlefoot scolded himself. He had thought his hideout was good but now, with Ali supposedly searching for him in the swamp where he was right now and his footprints clear for her to see, his chances were rather small to remain hidden for much longer. There was nothing he could do so he put his head down where it was. With his eyes closed, he listened to the smacking sound in the distance which was related to Ali walking through the mud on the ground. Hopefully for the boy she would walk past him. However...

"Footprints!" Ali cheered happily when she encountered a trail of oval, water-filled holes which could only be made by a young Longneck like Littlefoot. "I will get you, my friend!"

Some moments later:

Ali could clearly see her target from the distance of a longneck-length. Littlefoot was lying on the muddy ground, playing dead. Ali assumed that Littlefoot was aware of her presence (her movement alone was quite noisy) so she wondered why her friend would do that. But then again she could just call him or keep on walking yet she wouldn't. Ali didn't know how to approach Littlefoot now. If she were to listen to her heart, she'd do something romantic; if she were to follow her conscience, she'd just call him out. She considered... and cast a decision.

Littlefoot knew that Ali was somewhere close since her steps had been approaching him directly. He already knew his hideout had been discovered, expecting the girl to claim that she found him, but then she stopped just when he assumed her to be close enough to see him. The young Lockneck waited... and Ali seemed to do nothing - at least she didn't make any noise he could hear.
"What is she up to? Maybe she didn't see me after all..." It was just that moment that Ali started to move again... towards him!

Ali walked to Littlefoot, standing right next to him. Then she set her plan into motion...

"OUCH!" Littlefoot yelped, jumping to his feet. Ali had slapped him with her tail - not hard enough to hurt him but hard enough to startle her friend all the same.

"Why'd ya do that!?" Littlefoot complained. The Longneck gazed at his smirking friend.
"Well, I thought you were sleeping," Ali explained. "It was funny..." She chuckled.
"I think you just like to annoy me, don't you?" Littlefoot yelled at her, pretending to be upset.
"Maybe?" Ali replied with a sheepish grin.
"Maybe I should return the favor?" Littlefoot shouted, maintaining his anger. He looked at his friend with sparkling eyes... that was when he farted...

Ali jerked in surprise when she heard Littlefoot's disgusting fart. Remembering his last one, she didn't need to experience the pestering odor again so she turned around and took flight.
Littlefoot finally allowed himself to laugh. His amusement rose to an even higher level when Ali slipped on the wet, muddy ground, landing in the mud with a splashing sound bellyfirst, splashing mud everywhere which also included Littlefoot who was already caked in mud anyway.
"Damn! Now I'm dirty!" Ali complained but she couldn't help it and joined in the laughter heartily.
Littlefoot put on a smirk and began a sprint of his own. He jumped and plunged into the mud right next to his friend, splashing mud all over both of them. What came next was a wrestling match between the two children. Neither of them thought about the issue of a relationship that went over the level of a simple friendship at that moment. They were just being kids and kids just want to have fun. Littlefoot didn't care about getting really close to Ali despite his earlier concerns (after all, he sort of liked it), and neither did Ali who enjoyed getting close to her friend anyway.
Eventually, Littlefoot had pinned Ali to the wet, muddy ground.
"Looks like I won again!" he teased the girl, grinning broadly.
"You're a boy; you boys tend to be stronger than girls!" Ali countered.
"Never say that while Cera's around..." Littlefoot mused.
"Don't worry, Littlefoot, I would never be that stupid," Ali replied. "Well, anyway, I don't mind losing if it means having fun trying not to."
"That's right! Some competition is what makes the game so much fun," Littlefoot said in agreement and released the girl who was still pinned to the ground.
"So what now?" Littlefoot inquired.
"Well..." Ali chuckled, shaking her mud-caked body, splattering some mud around.
"Watch it!" Littlefoot shouted for he was hit by Ali's mud.
"Sorry, Littlefoot," Ali replied meekly. "See, I think we are due to a bath. I don't think I can show my face around my mother when I'm so dirty."
"Yeah, you have a point there," Littlefoot admitted, musing. "My grandma won't let me go play if I'm dirty so... shall we have a bath at the nearest watering hole?"
"Yes, we shall," Ali replied. "Race ya!"
The two little Longnecks galopped through the tall grass and through the forest they played in previously.

"Shorty?" Bron dug deeper when his adopted son seemed lost in thoughts for several moments.
"Well, you sure remember how I've found Cho and the others, don't you?" Shorty replied. "I've found them all alone in the desert. It was like... a few weeks before you stumbled across me."
Bron gave Shorty an inquiring gaze.
Shorty's face stayed stiff, his eyes expressed honesty. Bron considered for some time; then he nodded. "Alright..."
"Alright what?" Shorty replied, alert. Did he discover his lie?
"I believe you," Bron said neutrally.
Shorty was about to utter a sound of relief when he reminded himself that it would have given him away. It wouldn't have been the first time he was discovered that way... Shorty didn't say anything.
After a short pause, Bron continued. "How come you lead them by the way?" the grown-up questioned. "After all, you could've gone your way alone. You didn't have to take care of them... yet you did."
Shorty instantly realised what Bron aimed at. He had just asked him a trick question and he didn't feel like telling yet another thing that was not quite true. At least it wasn't outright false... only the circumstances were a little... different.
"Well, it's rather obvious," the young one started. "I just... couldn't leave them all alone. They were so... helpless, defenseless and far too young to care for themselves. I couldn't ignore them and go on my way without a bad conscience... I mean.... they would've died without me making sure that they're alright." It wasn't difficult to describe these feelings as they were true. It were these very feelings that drove him on to rescue them from his dad, plus some others he just couldn't tell Bron.
"That's hard to believe coming from somebody like you..." Bron pointed out. "Since I know you, you've never been anything but mean towards them."
"They were orphans just like me..." Shorty answered. "I knew their fate, I knew their pain."
"So why did your empathy turn into that?" Bron pressed on.
"Sometimes, I wonder about that myself..." Shorty mused. "I suppose I've realised that upsetting others is fun. I guess my bloody dad made me, sorta..."
"I know what you mean..." Bron responded understandingly. "The upbringing often defines how a dinosaur develops, what personality they'll have, how they'll behave. The harsh education shaped you... I also think that jealousy is an important point here," Bron said.
"Maybe..." Shorty admitted. "What're you aiming at anyway?"
"I was only wondering why you've lead the kids and why your attitude towards them had changed. Your answers so far have been satisfactory. Let me tell you some theories of mine, okay?"
"Sure," Shorty replied neutrally.
"You like to have attention, don't you?" Bron began.
"Why... yes," Shorty answered. "It sucks if nobody even notices you, y'know?"
"And you like to be respected as you've said earlier?"
"Sure, yeah," Shorty answered.
"So... did you feel like Cho and the others paid you enough attention? Did you feel like they were looking up to you?"
Shorty pondered for a few moments. It was yet another question he had to answer wisely. "At first they were... but then they just got on my nerves most of the time. It wasn't easy to keep their spirits high, y'know? Hunger, thirst, they didn't wanna keep going, they were hot and so on. Boy it was annoying sometimes..."
"That's just what parents have to deal with..." Bron chuckled. "How did you urge them on?"
"Well..." Shorty replied. "I told them that we're gonna find a better place... though we could only reach it when they stopped complaining and moved their butts!"
"So you used force and appealed to their hope?"
"Yeah..." Shorty replied.
"Okay, that's all I wanted to know..." Bron spoke. "I'm happy that you've told me that. I'll go now."
"Alright," Shorty simply replied.
"Now you have enough time to think about everything. See you, Shorty!"
"Seeya!" Shorty called. He had already decided that he would try to change as Ali put it. Even though he knew that a long time of boredom lay ahead of him, he took it with dignity now that his eyes had been opened...
 
"Say dear..." Grandpa piped up. "Are you really sure that it is wise to allow Littlefoot to get to know his dad?"
The two elderly Longnecks had just woken up, now eating some leaves from a nearby tree and having a talk.
"Of course it is, Grandpa!" the female Longneck assured convincingly. "Just because Bron is hesitant to go to the Great Valley after the event we're here for, you mustn't ruin Littlefoot's chance to meet him and to get to know him. That is, in fact, his right and we, as loving grandparents, shouldn't spoil him this chance." There was no harshness in her voice at all and she didn't sound accusing either.
"Yes, I know..." Grandpa sighed. He loved his mate for many reasons but her ability to prove him wrong without making him feel bad for it was certainly a major one.
"I know you have some doubts about Bron. So do I..." Grandma continued. "We haven't had any contact in years and dinosaurs change..."
"Yes, true," Grandpa admitted. "I would have never thought that he has the necessary skills for a leader. I wonder if he is still as adventurous and unreasoning as I remember since these are traits a herd leader mustn't have."
"Well, he said that they had chosen him to be their leader because he had battled some Sharpteeth and won," Grandma mentioned. "You see, sometimes this kind of personality is also suited for a leading position in a herd. That is, if Bron has really learned to value the safety of his herd over his own adventurous nature."
"Yes, he said he is in charge of them for a long time already, didn't he?" Grandpa wondered.
His mate confirmed by nodding at him and smiling warmly.
"Then he must at least know how to keep them happy..."
"Now, now... you're beginning to doubt him again," Grandma chuckled. "Maybe you should be a little more easygoing sometimes, dear?"
"Yes... maybe," Grandpa grunted. "I'm only worried that our Littlefoot will be fooled."
"Fooled? In what way?" Grandma questioned, some furrows appearing on her face.
"Well, if Bron doesn't agree on abandoning his herd, appointing a new leader, then we might lose Littlefoot if the little one prefers to stay with his dad...
 
Simultaneously:

"If his grandparents don't agree on joining up with my herd, not returning to their Valley, then I might lose Littlefoot again if he prefers to stay with them..." These thoughts concerned Bron as he was taking a break after his unusually busy morning. He knew it was still too early to bring up the point - heck, they didn't even know each other very well, but he also knew very well that he had to try being a good father to Littlefoot. He felt he had enough time to be a good father. Whatever was going to happen, it wasn't going to happen soon since his urgent feeling driving him and countless other Longnecks to migrate and gather at this strange place had lost intensity since he arrived here. But it was gonna happen eventually...

Aside from the fact that Ali pushed her friend into the fresh water without his consent which resulted in a little splashing match afterwards, the bathing was uneventful. The two little ones decided to check back with their elders and meet again not soon after. The Bright Circle had just passed its highest point when they entered the forest again which, considering the heat the Bright Circle provided during that time of the day, was a rather comfortable place to go.
"So what are we going to play now?" Ali wondered. "Tag, Hide And Seek?"
"Well, we've already played that today..." Littlefoot reasoned. "How 'bout exploring this place a little more? It sure seems that we might have to stay here for more than just a couple days. Who knows what mysteries there are to be revealed? It's kinda like... like an adventure!"
Ali smiled. "You're right, Littlefoot. I bet we will have a lot of fun!" she spoke enthusiastically. "Besides, for an adventure there is not really any real danger for once," the girl pointed out.
"True," Littlefoot admitted. "Let's go!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I promise this is the last chapter Littlefoots farts in  :angel  The plots seems random and pointless here and there but I'm working towards something which is eventually resulting in a new conflict. Also, this must be the 10th chapter or so dealing with the things happening at the very same particular day :lol I won't describe every day as detailed, don't you worry :p Though there will be a few more scenes before the night descents upon the mysterious place  :exactly

I hope that you liked this chapter :)

As I've caught up with myself, I can't really give true hints at the next chapters as I don't have much of the next chapter written and as a lot of scenes just create themselves without previous planning. The story "writes itself" so to say ;) However, I have something to tell you about the next one: Littlefoot's Grandparents and Ali's Mother realise... something  :lol
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 03, 2015, 02:20:35 PM
Whatever happened here... double post I guess
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on February 03, 2015, 10:39:06 PM
It is nice to see a new chapter for this story.  :) I find it interesting, but not surprising, that Shorty seems to be hiding something in his telling of his story to Bron.  I suspect that the secrets of Shorty's dark past are going to have repercussions in the future.  Additionally the thoughts of Bron and the grandparents about keeping Littlefoot are quite interesting.  It appears in the choice between Littlefoot and his herd, Bron has already made his choice.  But one thing really caught my eye:

Quote
"I know you have some doubts about Bron. So do I..." Grandma continued. "We haven't had any contact in years and dinosaurs change..."
"Yes, true," Grandpa admitted. "I would have never thought that he has the necessary skills for a leader. I wonder if he is still as adventurous and unreasoning as I remember since these are traits a herd leader mustn't have."

Bron sounds like Littlefoot in a way, though their questions about Bron's temperament might indicate some character flaws that we have only seen in passing thus far.  I wonder if that will play a role in the future.

Overall this was quite a nice chapter.  :) I look forward to seeing how this develops.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 04, 2015, 04:05:58 PM
Thanks for the review :)

Quote
It is nice to see a new chapter for this story. smile.gif I find it interesting, but not surprising, that Shorty seems to be hiding something in his telling of his story to Bron. I suspect that the secrets of Shorty's dark past are going to have repercussions in the future.
Yes, Shorty is hiding something  :smile I'm not sure when this will be revealed - might be at the end of the story or much earlier... :p

Quote
It appears in the choice between Littlefoot and his herd, Bron has already made his choice.
Well, it's not that easy. There's a choice either Littlefoot or the herd. Bron is trying to get his family (and Littlefoot in particular) to join his herd ;) Not sure if that came across in the story so far. If not, there's plenty room to make in clear in future chapters :)

Quote
Bron sounds like Littlefoot in a way, though their questions about Bron's temperament might indicate some character flaws that we have only seen in passing thus far. I wonder if that will play a role in the future.
I imagine Bron to be the kind of dinosaur who loves going on adventures and, as a result of that, might get into danger quite a lot (like Littlefoot indeed  :lol ) That's how I perceived him in LBT 10 somewhat. It'd fit his character very well so I went with it here :yes Of course he isn't flawless. You might have noticed that I've kept his paying-Shorty-not-enough-attention flaw. That changes pretty quickly though since he realises that Shorty might have felt that he wasn't wanted when Bron sent him away after finding out about Littlefoot.

Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 31, 2015, 11:47:35 AM
It's been a while... or a century rather but here's a new chapter!  :lol

~

Chapter 40

Ali's Mother sighed. Her daughter had just galopped away after checking back with her ever so happily. She could still recall what she was like when she was Ali's age which was exactly the reason for sighing. Ali was slowly but certainly approaching that age where children began to change on their way to becoming adults. It was always lovely to see her daughter grow, learn and florish but there were always hard things on that way too. The change from child to adult wasn't always easy and Fiona hoped that Ali wouldn't have as much trouble with growing up as she had back then.
One thing she had to learn the hard way back then was how to interact with the other gender properly. Her mother hadn't told her anything about boys. Consequently, her behavior towards boys was usually wrong and it only made things worse. Fiona didn't want Ali to repeat her mistakes – she didn't want to repeat her mother's failures.
Unlike her, Ali already had a good pal whom she liked. They were just kids but the border between just being kids and a romantic relationship was thin and easy to break through. Fiona recalled how severely Ali had been missing her friend all the time they kept on migrating in her old herd. They had only met for a short time yet Ali liked Littlefoot a lot more than the kids in that herd. Their bond appeared to be strong and tight. Now with the Time of Great Growing rapidly approaching, the feelings the two were having towards each other would slowly change and possibly result in a closer relationship.
Now that was the hard part for her as a parent. The body often developed faster than the mind, leading to problems. Being a child in an adolescent body could be dangerous. Fiona knew that; she had to tell Ali about some things in order to prepare her for the changes to come. "Better safe than sorry..."

The two elderly Longnecks were relaxing in the water when a thought occured to Grandpa Longneck.
"Littlefoot is still very young but he is also very unexperienced... Aside from Ali, he has never interacted with other Longnecks of his age so he can't know anything about these things... Now that he has Ali and many others around him..." Grandpa decided to bring up the matter.
"Dear?"
"Yes, Grandpa?"
"I think we should have a talk with our grandson."
Grandma wore a surprised expression. "What kind of talk, dear? He didn't do some mischief again, did he?"
"No, nothing like that..." Grandpa sighed. "Do you remember when he asked about babies once?"
"Why yes, how could I ever forget that?" Grandma chuckled. Then she caught her mate's drift. "Oh, you're not implying..."
"No, no, Littlefoot hasn't, I mean he couldn't at his age, but consider how much he lacks experience in interacting with other Longnecks, especially girls like Ali..." Grandpa explained.
"You mean it's time for the talk?" Grandma asked in a mixture of uneasyness and confusion. "I think Littlefoot is too young to be told about babies yet."
"Well, we uhm... we don't need to go into detail of course..." Grandpa said quickly. "I was just thinking that we could tell him something about girls and how to attract them. He sure seems to like his little friend quite a lot after all..."
"And vice versa..." Grandma chuckled.
"Yes," Grandpa agreed, putting on a smiley face himself. "I still remember the time when we were his age."
"Ohhh, yes. I was a happy, young girl, ready for any adventure and you were..." Grandma spoke as memories of her childhood floated her mind, then trailing off.
"Yeah, we were so alike Littlefoot," Grandpa laughed. "And alike Ali too from what I can tell."
The two Longnecks gazed at each other.
"Do you remember how we would always..." Grandpa began.
"Yes, yes, we were a heart and a soul from the day on we met," Grandma mused.
The two elderly Longnecks cuddled their necks together in harmony.
"Littlefoot can be grateful for having such good friends," the female Longneck eventually mentioned. "Ali went after him when he - we found out about Bron..."
"And Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike would have done the same," Grandpa smiled.
"Yes, that's true. You were my only friend who always cared about me even when I was down," Grandma spoke dreamily.
"Yes, and so were you, dear," Grandpa replied just as dreamily. "Littlefoot and Ali are too young to think about babies but they're old enough to feel affection towards each other. We need to teach him about girls therefore."
"I agree," Grandma spoke. "I'm going to tell him about girls and you're going to teach him how to behave in order to get their attention."
"Hey, but I like your part better!" Grandpa protested.
"I know how girls think and what they like because I used to be one in my younger days, silly," Grandma replied in amusement. "Well, it was worth a try," Grandpa chuckled.

Ali and Littlefoot were walking side by side through the forest. Ali was making sure not to walk too close to Littlefoot lest it'd come across as too close for comfort. After the incident earlier she had to be careful about her actions for as long as it wasn't clear whether Littlefoot shared her feelings towards him.
While they were slowly trotting through the foliage, Littlefoot was telling Ali about some adventures he had been having with his friends in the Great Valley.
"... at first nobody believed me but the next morning I woke up, seeing the whole valley covered in a thick layer of White Ground Sparkles. You know, I've never seen something like it – I didn't even know something like that even existed, and my grandparents also hadn't seen it happen before. Have you ever seen something like that, Ali?"
"I haven't seen White Ground Sparkles falling yet but I've seen some of the stuff on the top of high mountains we travelled across," Ali replied to Littlefoot's question.
"Ah okay. You know what fun you can have in it? Granted, it kills food and it brings along the cold but there's also a lot of fun to have."
"Like what, Littlefoot?" Ali implied.
"Well, first of all it's reaaaaaaally slippery so you can slide down hills and do things like that. I still remember how Cera and I slid right into a Spiketail..." Littlefoot chuckled at that.
"Hehe, sounds like fun!" Ali commented.
"It is! Another fun thing to do is making it fall off trees when somebody is standing underneath it and bury them. That's something Longnecks are good at. And you know, sometimes I really wish I had hands like Ducky and Petrie since these two can form balls in their hands and throw it at others."
"Oh, that sounds awesome! Hopefully we'll one day get a chance to play in it!" Ali exclaimed excitedly. "You know what's even cooler than having hands to throw white stuff at others?"
"Rolling a rock made of Ground Sparkles down my grandpa's spine? That's what Cera's Dad did anyway..." Littlefoot snickered at the memory.
"He did what?! Haha!" Ali laughed. "Anyway, what I meant is... we have tails to slap them, right?" Ali acted as if she was going to tailslap Littlefoot.
"Good point..." Littlefoot admitted. "Though Cera would just poke us with her horns and Spike's tail will be spiked one day..."
Ali chuckled. She was just going to reply when something else caught her attention. "Hey Littlefoot, look!" she called, pointing to a bunch of flowers to their right.
"Huh?" Littlefoot was confused. "What's so special about these flowers? You like them?"
"Well," Ali smiled. "Just take a closer look."
Then he saw it too. "A butterfly?" Littlefoot wondered. He saw them all the time in the Great Valley so they weren't very special in his opinion. Beautiful... yes but there were many like it.
"Isn't it lovely?" Ali asked in amazement.
"Sure, but what's so special, Ali? There are many of these after all."
"Maybe in the Great Valley, Littlefoot," Ali retorted. "To me a butterfly is a rare sight so it's special. Besides, I haven't seen this kind before."
Indeed Littlefoot noticed that the butterfly wasn't one of those he would see in the Great Valley. It had a complicated pattern of orange shapes on its yellow wings and its body had a blue-ish, metallic hue.
"Hmm yeah, I don't think I've ever seen such a butterfly before either," he admitted. "Wonder why it's different from the ones in the Valley though... I mean us Longnecks always look similar no matter where we come from and where we live... so why are these butterflies different?"
While Littlefoot was puzzling Ali observed the subject of her friend's puzzling closely, her eyes wide open with astonishment and wonder and her lips forming a wide smile in her face. The butterfly was gathering nectar the flowers offered. When it had done its job, it simply took off to flatter to the next flower ever so silently that not even Ali's ears could hear the motion of its wings. She crept closer and closer to the tiny insect until she could distinguish every tiny detail of its body and the colouration of its wings. Time and again, it simply astounded the young Longneck what the world she was living in had to offer. Sometimes it was simply necessary to take a closer look.
Littlefoot glanced at his friend from the side with a mixture of interest and confusion. He knew that he was already quite excited about discovering new things during their adventures but Ali seemed to have an even stronger urge to discover things than him and his friends.
"Maybe because Ali's life was very strict and rigid until she left her herd," Littlefoot thought while following Ali's example, taking an ultra-close look of the busy butterfly. "She couldn't play nearly as often as I could and there was always the danger of Sharpteeth attacking while I've been protected from them all the time." Yes, that made sense in Littlefoot's mind. He decided to adress the matter.
"You seem to be very curious about the world and like to discover new things, aren't you? I thought me and my friends were but I think you beat us in that regard." Littlefoot chuckled.
"Huh?" Ali hadn't exactly been paying attention to her friend. "How do you mean?"
"Well..." Littlefoot struggled to come up with a decent answer since he himself was watching the butterfly which took his attention.
"You see Ali, you have an eye for even little things like a butterfly which are taking your interest," Littlefoot eventually explained. "I, on the other hand, rather have an eye for bigger things like new caves or watering holes."
Ali moved her head slightly to her right, turning towards Littlefoot, their heads close to each other.
"Well, looks like we complement each other," she spoke sweetly, chuckling. "We'll be the best explorer's ever, won't we?"
Only now she realised that her words may have come across as a little flirt in addition to standing very close to each other but Littlefoot didn't seem to have caught that.
"Oh yeah, we will and so will Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike!" Littlefoot declared with some pride in his voice which made Ali giggle.
The butterfly finally took off and flattered away into the forest.
"Well, I think it wants us to go exploring some more," Littlefoot commented on the creature's departure.
"Oh yes, I agree!" Ali replied. "Good Bye, little butterfly!"
"Let's go then!" Littlefoot exclaimed, raring to go, and the two young Longnecks continued to walk deeper into the forest.

After a while the two young Longnecks arrived at the end of the forest they were exploring.
"Hmm, looks like this is a dead end," Littlefoot commented, facing a rocky cliff a little distance ahead.
"This must be the wall which surrounds this valley," Ali said, thinking out loud. "But we can still go left and right."
Littlefoot looked around. "Hmm, I don't think so, Ali..." he answered which earned him a strange glance from his friend. "Look to the left and to the right. There are steep walls behind all those trees too."
Now Ali saw it too. "Oh yes, now I see it. This almost seems like a little valley for itself!" she exclaimed excitedly.
"Exactly!" Littlefoot replied. "We kinda have some like this one in the outskirts of the Great Valley! This is where we usually go to play when we don't want any grown-ups around and besides there are lots of caves and stuff like that!" Littlefoot was very excited too - the urge to go adventuring in him had woken up.
"Considering this place is pretty similar to your Great Valley, maybe we'll find a cave too?" Ali reasoned. "Let's go find out, won't we?"
It was only a rhetorical question for Littlefoot. "Of course!" he replied, determined.
"We... we should split up," Ali then suggested.
"Yeah, we'll be quicker to find anything," Littlefoot agreed. "I'll take the right side of this valley and you'll take the left side. We'll meet up in the middle eventually."
"That is, if we don't discover anything," Ali remarked.
Littlefoot nodded.
"Well, good luck then, Littlefoot!" Ali called, smiling warmly before galopping away.
"Good luck, Ali!" Littlefoot replied and darted off - he wanted to find something before Ali did. With a little challenge things were even more fun after all.

Some moments later:

"Littlefoot quick! Come over here!" Ali called excitedly through the foliage.
Littlefoot stopped checking the rocky walls for any features worth exploring further and turned in Ali's direction.
"What is it, Ali?" he asked her loudly so that his voice would cover the great distance between them.
"I think I've found something!" her voice echoed through the valley. "Come over here!"
Littlefoot cursed inwardly but at the same time he was very excited and happy that they might have discovered something of interest.
"Okay, coming!" he announced and sprinted to the other side of the valley where his friend was waiting.

"Hey Ali!" Littlefoot panted when he arrived where Ali was waiting for him.
"Hi Littlefoot," Ali greeted her friend. "Have you discovered something yet?"
"Not yet..." Littlefoot answered, slightly annoyed. "B-but I wasn't finished yet!"
"Neither was I, Littlefoot," Ali admitted.
"Then why'd you call me over here? Found something?" Littlefoot inquired.
"Weeeeell..." Ali smiled sheepishly. "I think I did. You see that opening in the wall up there?" Ali gestured upwards with her head.
Littlefoot looked in the direction Ali was pointing to. There was a medium-sized opening in the rocky wall just about wide and high enough that a grown-up Longneck would fit through. It was fairly high-up - Littlefoot wasn't sure if even his grandpa or his dad were tall enough to peek into whatever was up there.
"Uh-huh," Littlefoot nodded, pondering how to get up there.
"What do you think, Littlefoot?" Ali asked. "Is this something we should explore further?"
"If you know how to climb these rocks without breaking your neck, Ali, then I'll be more than eager to discover what's up there," Littlefoot joked but he had a point. The walls were too steep to climb even if they supported each other.
Ali smiled at this.
"Are you smiling because you'd like to see me try and fail or what?" Littlefoot asked in a mixture of annoyance and amusement.
"Not quite..." Ali spoke mysteriously. "But I know a way up there! Or at least I think it leads up there..."
"Really!?" Littlefoot shouted in excitement.
"Yes. You see, Littlefoot, if you peek around this corner..."
"What corner?" Littlefoot asked, confused. He could only see a wall of rock. There wasn't any corner to peek behind... or was there? Littlefoot looked at the wall a bit closer.
"It's kinda... hidden," Ali admitted, chuckling. "Let's walk a bit closer to that wall, then you'll see it," the girl added.
As they walked about 50 metres towards the wall, Littlefoot slowly realised what Ali had meant. At some point to their right, the wall branched into two. The one in front of them just ended a few metres to their left. Due to the colour and texture of the walls being exceptionally similar, it'd take anybody a close look to figure this out.
Ali took her friend around the corner. There was some space between the two walls... and a path leading up to the opening they discovered.
"Looks like we can go up there after all!" Littlefoot shouted happily.
"Yes, I think so," Ali smiled. "The path is still dangerous though. Look how steep it is and all these pebbles could break loose any time."
"Yeah sure, but that hasn't stopped you before, has it?" Littlefoot mocked his friend. "You haven't been too worried about falling off that tree when you climbed it."
"Well, you see, Littlefoot, I learned from my mistakes," Ali responded in a more serious manner. "Anyway, let's go!"
"Yeah!"

On the way up - both were walking carefully not to slip on loose pebbles or worse, they started wondering about what would expect them up there.
"You think there's really a cave up there, Ali?" Littlefoot asked his friend curiously.
"I don't know, Littlefoot, but I really hope so!" Ali replied. "What else could be up there? Besides nothing at all of course..."
"I dunno..." Littlefoot shrugged. "But I really hope there is a cave too!"

A little bit of climbing later, Littlefoot and Ali stood in front of the opening in the wall. It was just like they had imagined and expected. In front of them was a small plateau and there was a path leading into the wall.
"What do you know, Ali. We found a cave!" Littlefoot exclaimed happily. Now he and Ali would have an exciting adventure together.
"Well, I found it," Ali remarked, giggling.
"Ehh, right...wanna go in?" Littlefoot asked.
"Sure, race ya!" Ali called and darted off.
"Okay, but you won't win!" Littlefoot declared, quickly chasing after the girl.

Unbeknown to them, the cave wasn't unhabitated...

~

Cliffhanger  :smile Hope I won't leave ya hanging for half a year again  :oops

So with this chapter I kinda return to the main plot of this story while the last few chapters were a bit more laid off to focus on Littlefoot and Ali enjoying some time together. I'm not too happy with how these turned out in retrospect but I won't change anything. I'll try to write more exciting and more serious chapters again. :yes

So what do you think about chapter 40? I think it hints at some interesting things to happen soon. Also if you spot a mistake or if you think I could word a phrase better, let me know. Haven't sent this to anyone to be proofread unlike with the previous chapters :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 31, 2015, 11:48:58 AM
double post  :bang
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on August 31, 2015, 01:45:42 PM
Very nice!  We get to see some more interaction between Ali and Littlefoot, and we can see that their mutual curiosity is playing quite well with each other.  Ali taking curiosity at every small thing, whereas Littlefoot is more fixated on big adventures... and his (girl)friend.  Furthermore it seems that Grandma and Grandpa Longneck have taken notice of their grandson's and Ali's mutual interest.  I sense a rather awkward conversation coming up pretty soon.  ;)

But with the last few lines the tone of the chapter suddenly shifts, and we realize that the duo might be in some danger.  I am curious to see what they find on the other side.

Overall this was a very nice chapter to resume the story. :) I only found a few minor errors and suggested modifications:

Quote
"Better save than sorry..."

This should be "better safe than sorry..."

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Grandma's expression was showing surprise.

This is worded a little oddly, though it is not technically incorrect.  Perhaps "Grandma looked surprised." or "Grandma wore a surprised expression." would flow a little bit better.

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"Good Bye little butterfly!"

This needs a comma before little butterfly.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on September 01, 2015, 08:20:20 AM
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you've enjoyed this chapter! :yes

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Furthermore it seems that Grandma and Grandpa Longneck have taken notice of their grandson's and Ali's mutual interest. I sense a rather awkward conversation coming up pretty soon. wink.gif
This is going to be awkward to write for me too  :p

Quote
But with the last few lines the tone of the chapter suddenly shifts, and we realize that the duo might be in some danger. I am curious to see what they find on the other side.
Yep, would be a bit boring to explore a cave with nobody in it :p Any guesses what/who they're going to encounter?

Also thanks for pointing out what I could/should edit. I will do so whenever ff.net is available again (couldn't log in earlier) and edit the chapter before putting it on ff.net :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 04, 2015, 11:45:51 AM
Next chapter... though it took me half of the night to finish it  :angel It's quite long with above 4000 words :o

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 41:

"There, I won!" Littlefoot declared proudly after both he and Ali entered the cave simultaneously.
"You didn't win. We tied!" Ali assured her friend determinedly.
"Can you prove that?" Littlefoot grinned.
"Can you?" Ali retorted, poking out her tongue.
"Well, guess neither of us can prove it," Littlefoot admitted, sighing.
Suddenly, there was an eery breeze behind them and a shadow appeared out of nowhere.
"You need someone to judge?" a deep, growling and mysterious voice came from behind the two children out of the dark.
Littlefoot and Ali jerked in surprise and looked at each other in horror, then turning around to see who had just spoken.
"W-w-who are you?!" Ali asked, sounding a bit more scared than she actually was.
"N-no thanks, b-but thanks for the offer!" Littlefoot replied, trying to stay cool and failing horribly at it.
"Name's Hart..." the mysterious voice answered quietly. "You kiddies sure you don't need a judge? I've seen ya; I can tell the winner," he spoke, trying to sound somewhat friendly.
"That's kind of you but it really doesn't matter to us who won in the end, does it Ali?" Littlefoot answered.
Ali shook her head.
"Very well then..." Hart spoke in a drawled way.
"What kind of dinosaur is he? I can't see!" Littlefoot whispered to Ali.
"A Longneck most likely. See, There's a bunch of them at this place..." Ali replied quietly. "I"d be more concerned about what he's going to do with us though. He seems creepy to me..."
"Yeah... I know," Littlefoot agreed.
"Matters to me though..." Hart suddenly hissed. "Now I'm curious."
Littlefoot and Ali looked at each other, alarmed.
"Would you two have another race?" Hart asked seductively. "Please?" he added sweetly.
"Ehm... no thanks," Ali replied shyly and cautiously.
"We uhh... wanted to go anyway, right Ali?" Littlefoot spoke nervously.  
"Oh yes, you know how worried sick my mum will be if I'm home late," Ali replied, faking an amused laugh while jumping on Littlefoot's train.
"Why not race your pal on the way home, young lady?" Hart suggested.
"B-but I'm exhausted!" Ali lied.
"A-and we have a long way home," Littlefoot jumped in to support Ali. Technically, he was even saying the truth.
"I insist on it!" The stranger's voice was now demanding and threatening.
"Littlefoot, let's go!" Ali urged her friend. She was beginning to get scared.
"Yes, we'll leave now," he answered, trying to stay calm.
"Yes, you will," Hart spoke harshly. "But you will RUN!!!"
Littlefoot and Ali who had already turned around to walk out of the cave jumped in surprise and fear when the mysterious dinosaur suddenly started yelling at them.
"We better do..." Littlefoot thought. He didn't know who or what was lurking in the shadow but if it chose to chase them, they'd better be the ones with a head start.
"Run!" he hissed at Ali who didn't question his suggestion the slightest.
"THIS IS MY CAVE! I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU HERE AGAIN!!! GOT THAT!?" Hart yelled at the two youngsters furiously. "AND NEVER WAKE ME UP AGAIN OR YOU'LL PAY FOR IT!!!"
Littlefoot and Ali sprinted down the pathway they previously used to get to the cave in the first place – climbing down the steep slope was not an option just like it wasn't possible for them to climb up earlier. They were unmistakenly panicked, running as if a sharptooth was pursuing them.

"Why don't you give chase, sir?" Ricky questioned in annoyance. The two youngsters had woken him up as well as his father with their silly laughing. Due to travelling through the other night, he was still heavily sleep-deprived.
"Not worth the effort..." Hart grunted. "They won't show up again, that's all that matters."
"Still, they've disturbed your important sleep, sir!" Ricky argued. "I really desperately want to see these kids suffer!"
"So do I..." Hart mumbled to himself evilly.
"So I thought, sir!" Ricky exclaimed.
"If I engaged in a chase, I'd be wide awake. I need my sleep, y'know," Hart explained to his son.
"I see..." Ricky spoke thoughtfully. "So you want to snooze until the dawn of night then?"
"Exactly," Hart yawned. "I'd prefer not to be seen by anyone when I leave our hideout. Stirrin' up trouble is the last thing we need."
"But now I'm wide awake..." Ricky complained. "There's no way I can go back to sleep now!"
"Hmm, then how about you go out there to do some exploring and look for these plants, son?" Hart suggested.
"Of course! I'll do whatever you want me to do, sir!" Ricky exclaimed, salutating.
"Good lad, that's what your other siblings unfortunately lacked... obedience," Hart spoke in a mixture of amusement and bitterness. "You've never been a dinosaur seeking the dark like me but that's probably something we're hatched with. In a way, that proves to be useful in times like this... Now go and explore, be back at dawn and don't stir up any trouble, will ya? Don't be conspicuous and stay hidden."
"Sure, I won't disappoint you, sir!" Ricky declared proudly before turning around and walking out of the cave, hearing the distant laughter of the youngsters who woke him up. He'd get them for that one day. He wouldn't forget their names nor how these two looked like.
"You'll wish you've never been born..."

"Is it following us???" Ali screamed in panic as she raced down the path with dangerous speed.
"I'm too scared to look!!!" Littlefoot shouted back at her. "Just don't trip! Then we'd be in trouble!"
"Don't worry, Littlefoot!" Ali replied, panting. "I'll watch my st- AARRRRGH!"
"ALI!" Littlefoot screamed in panic as Ali did trip over a small rock, tumbling down the path.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ali screamed. She was scared for her life, unable to stop her wild momentum.
"I'll help you!" Littlefoot shouted, picking up even more speed to overtake Ali and stop her rolling down the path, the slope still being steep enough to keep her body in motion and him at high risk of tripping too.
At first it seemed to work – Littlefoot had almost sprinted past his friend, about to take the impact, hoping that he could slow Ali down and manage not to fall himself, but fate meant things to go differently...

Bron stood high above the little valley on its high, steep walls, his back turned to the valley while his gaze wandered through the hostile land surrounding the little paradise he and his herd currently resided at.
He had come up here in order to meet somebody – somebody he had long given up until, the other day, he had finally found him. It was his son Littlefoot. However, Bron was still a bit early. Littlefoot wouldn't turn up in another hour or so but Bron needed some time alone anyway. A lot had happened since he had entered this valley and Bron needed a break from his duties as a leader as well as from his duties as a caregiver and father to have the opportunity to process everything that's happened and plan how to proceed.
Until very recently, he had thought he was the only one left from his family and herd. Long ago he had been told about the death of his mate and the fate of his son and parents-in-law had been uncertain. They could have been dead or prospering somewhere the big drought hadn't striked yet. Bron didn't know.
However, everything changed when he finally got an answer – when he met those he had lost long ago or, in case of his son Littlefoot, hasn't even met yet. Despite everything that had happened the other day other than meeting his long-lost relatives, it was still one of the best days he's had in a long while.
Bron was really proud of them. They managed to do something he had never succeeded at. They found the Great Valley and made it their home. Back then, as Bron noted with some bitterness, it was his task to find it in order to provide his family and herd and, most importantly, his son with a bright future. He failed. He could've been back before the big earthshake split the lands if he hadn't been looking for it for so long. He could've been there, protecting them, but he wasn't. He was simply glad that his failure only cost the life of his mate and not eradicated his entire herd. Ironically, despite his obvious failure as a herd leader, he managed to become the leader of a new herd that formed around him. It was a development he didn't like at first but slowly but surely he came to accept what had happened and decided to have a fresh start and things went really well. He was respected among his herd members and he'd always managed to find water and food.
Still, it meant not having a family. Taking Shorty in did help a little but obviously it wasn't the same like caring for his real son.
However, Bron was most proud of his son. He had grown into a very fine, young Longneck. Bron didn't know him very well yet but he assumed he was just as adventurous as he used to be. "I will change that later though..."  Bron thought. He'd been talking about himself during their first meeting, explaining himself. Now it was time that Littlefoot told him about himself...
There was another issue Bron had to think about. He hadn't only found his son but his in-laws too. They had taken on the role as Littlefoot's caregivers and loving grandparents, raising him to be a well-behaved (or so Bron hoped), smart and strong young Longneck. It was a role he should have had along with his mate.
Bron had always been on good terms with them yet he didn't like all of their decisions and methods. His biggest wish was to reunite the family and, particularly, spend time with his son. Unfortunately, he couldn't abandon his herd either. After all, he didn't just become the leader of any herd – he became the leader of a herd that formed around his personality, strength and methods. Over time, they became his family he had to take care of. Abandoning them would feel like betrayal to Bron. Long ago, he had decided to dedicate his life to the well-being of all of these Longnecks. He would not undo that decision; he would lead them until his death or until he felt like it was the right time to step down and appoint a new leader. He would persuade Littlefoot of joining him; whether his grandparents would join him or not was secundary...

Littlefoot felt something hit his hind limps hard, causing him to fall over, faceplant and start tumbling down the path as well. He sweared and cursed audibly.
"Sorry..." Ali exclaimed as she rolled right into Littlefoot, slowing her body a little bit on the bright side.
Luckily for the two young Longnecks, they had almost reached the end of the path where it didn't go very steep anymore. Eventually, both came to a stop after crashing into each other a couple more times.
"Watching your step, huh?" Littlefoot groaned.
"S-sorry, Littlefoot, I think it was my tail that tripped you," Ali replied in worry. "Are you alright?"
"I should be asking you this..." Littlefoot muttered, getting to his feet again. "I'm fine, looks like whatever was lurking in that cave didn't follow us at least."
"Yeah..."Ali stood up carefully as well. "I could be worse. I don't think I'm hurt too much."
"That's good to hear," Littlefoot answered. "Looks like we're just a bit bruised."
"And scratched..." Ali chuckled.
"What's so funny?" Littlefoot wondered.
"Oh, well we look like we've had a fight, you see?" Ali replied, still giggling.
"If anybody asks, Shorty beat us up, okay?" Now it was Littlefoot's turn to chuckle at his own words.
Ali gave him a stern look though.
"Well, I was just kidding. He's grounded anyway so it couldn't be him. Then we've been beat up by some bullies?"
"We were playing, our parents will believe that," Ali suggested.
"Playing wild games..." Littlefoot mentioned.
"Oh yes!" Ali laughed. "It's so much fun to play with you, Littlefoot. I will miss this time once it's over..."
"Me too, but now's not the time to think about that. Let's have fun!"
"Yep, yep, yep... as Ducky would say."
Littlefoot smiled.
"So... I guess we won't be exploring this cave then," Ali eventually sighed.
"Well, maybe there's a way but for now let's go back," Littlefoot suggested, taking a look at the sky. "The Bright Circle is slowly beginning its descent from the sky. I'll be meeting Bron soon I guess."
"Oh right, I almost forgot about that," Ali admitted. Looking at Littlefoot, she added. "But do you really want to meet him like... that?"
"Huh?" Littlefoot was confused.
Ali could hardly talk while she erupted in laughter. "Well, just look how d-d-dirty you are!"
"Oh... right." Littlefoot realised that he wasn't just bruised but also covered in a lot of dirt and dust... which also applied to Ali. "You should see your reflection in the water though," he remarked.
"Well, looks like we're due to another bath today," Ali said as soon as she had recovered from laughing.
"Yeah, I suppose so," Littlefoot replied, grinning. "Let's go then!"
The two kids walked back into the jungle back to the watering hole where they had started their adventure.

Hart sighed. It really annoyed him that he'd been woken up. The children would feel his wrath, should they dare waking him up again. Yawning, he retreated deeper into the darkness of the cave he had fortunately discovered to find some more hours of sleep before the Night Circle would replace the Bright Circle from the sky. It served him as a hideout just perfectly – hard to reach and even harder to find in the first place but Hart had experience in finding hidden gems like this cavern. Hart was a strong fighter, ruthless enough to kill anyone without any mercy. It seemed odd that he needed a place to hide but the green giant had his reasons.  Like all other Longnecks, he took a long and exhausting journey upon himself to arrive at this place. He was certain that his sleep-stories would guide him to a place where he'd finally find the plant he needed so desperately to be truly happy. He hadn't found any since the traitor had run away from him – quite a few seasons had passed since that day and the deprivation slowly drove him mad. He'd kill if it meant getting his leaves... though he'd also kill for less important aims of his. He slumbered away, smirking evilly.

Ricky smirked. Despite his orders, he had decided to spy on the two kids who had disrupted his sleep. Following them at a save distance, hid by the plentiful vegetation, he listened to their occasional conversations but there was nothing of interest for him. The girl annoyed the shit out of him in fact, stopping all the time and gawking at flowers and the like, but Ricky stayed on their track. He had a feeling it would be rewarding to follow them. How right he was...

"Littlefoot! That's disgusting!" Ali shouted at her friend, grimacing.
"Sorry," Littlefoot replied meekly. A huge number of bubbles rose to the surface of the watering hole he and Ali were just bathing in, removing the dirt and the dust from their skin. "I'll never eat so many Tree Sweets again – at least not these, I promise..."
"Not while I'm around," Ali suggested, chuckling. "Well, I won't risk such a rumbly tummy any time soon either."
"Yeah, might be for the best," Littlefoot admitted. "Or else all the gas inside of you will make you look really fat."
"How dare you..." Ali hissed dangerously, raising her tail.
"Uh oh..." Littlefoot muttered, realising that his comment might have been too rude.
Then Ali gave her friend a shower. "Take that!" she shouted, using her tail to splash a huge amount of water at the boy.
Littlefoot laughed. "Whew, for a moment I thought you'd slap me, Ali."
"It's never too late..." Ali replied, smirking and raising her tail again, splashing more water at Littlefoot.
"Thanks for the free bath anyway," Littlefoot giggled.
"You're welcome," Ali answered, also giggling. "Now I can finally look at you again!"
"Hey!" Littlefoot shouted, laughing. "Mind if I return the favor?"
"Sure, if you can catch me..." Ali teased, wading through the shallow water towards the deeper water in the middle of the watering hole. Littlefoot gave chase.

Grandpa was smiling warmly as he watched his grandson play in the water.
"Oh, sometimes I really wish I could go back in time to be young again," he spoke dreamily which earned him a light chuckle from his mate.
"Oh yes, so do I, dear," Grandma replied, snuggling her head against Grandpa's.

Ali reached the deep water before Littlefoot could get close enough to splash water at her. Here the small pond was so deep that they couldn't stand on their feet anymore. Littlefoot, therefore, couldn't use his tail anymore since he'd be too busy keeping himself above the surface.
"Wanna dive?" Littlefoot asked, curious what was underneath him.
"Sure!" Ali exclaimed, taking a deep breath and diving.
Littlefoot did the same. He still remembered the sheer beauty of the underwater world his swimmer friend Mo once showed him. The watering hole wasn't nearly as interesting but Littlefoot had something in his mind anyway. He dived as deep as he could where the water got murky. He waited until Ali resurfaced. Then, beginning to get short on air, he quickly swam upwards until he was right underneath Ali who didn't notice him, looking above the surface instead. Performing a somersault, Littlefoot, in the middle of the move, stuck out his tail towards Ali and gently touched her underbelly.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ali screamed; something had touched her.
"Surpriiiiiiiise!" Littlefoot called once he had resurfaced and taken a deep breath of air.
"Littlefoot! You scared me!" Ali accused him.
"Well, that's what it was all about..." Littlefoot grinned.
Ali gave her friend a look full of anger but as Littlefoot tried to look as innocent as he could, Ali just couldn't keep her grudge and laughed.
"You're so much fun, Littlefoot!" Ali eventually told Littlefoot.
"You too," Littlefoot smiled.
"See, I also had a lot of fun with Shorty back then but it's just hilarious hanging around with you," Ali explained. "You really make my day."
"Well, I'm just glad to see you again," Littlefoot answered, slightly blushing at the compliment.
"Speaking of Shorty..." Ali spoke, changing the topic. "What do you think about him?"
"Huh?" Littlefoot replied. "I've hardly met him. How can I have an opinion on him without really knowing him?"
"True..." Ali admitted. "See, I was just wondering... you've barely interacted with him and most of what you know about him is either what I've told you from the time before I met you or what you've seen yesterday."
"Well, I'll admit that I'm still quite shocked about that," Littlefoot answered. "But I'm... not sure. I mean, he hasn't done such things before, has he?"
"Well, while I was there, he was entertained and peaceful towards others," Ali replied. "But Bron has told me that he'd often bully other kids, including Cho, when he's bored. Well... particularly Cho..."
"Why's that?" Littlefoot wondered.
"Nobody really knows," Ali explained. "Bron has told me that he's like that because of his father who abused him before he ran away and eventually met Bron."
"Bron also told me that he met Shorty on his long journey in search of me," Littlefoot chided in. "Though... why would that cause him to be like... that?" the young Longneck wondered.
"See... Shorty probably had to endure and see a lot of violence in his early childhood and the way Bron described his father sounds as if he was raised by a fanatic and violent jerk..." Ali explained.
"So... you wanna tell me the way his dad acted towards him has rubbed off on Shorty?" Littlefoot asked, unbelievingly.
"Yes... education decides what kind of dinosaur you will grow up to be." When Littlefoot gave her a puzzled gaze, Ali added. "Well, Old One always said that anyway. There are probably exceptions..."
Littlefoot suddenly got very thoughtful. If Ali's words were true, how had his mother influenced his very own personality? She was the kindest dinosaur Littlefoot ever got to know but then who passed on their adventurous nature to him? His grandpa? Surely it couldn't be Bron since he didn't raise him...
"Littlefoot?" Ali voiced up. "What are you thinking about?"
"Huh?" Littlefoot hadn't paid any attention to his surroundings or Ali. "Well ehm... I was just wondering how my mother influenced me through her education, y'know..." Littlefoot answered. "
"Oh, I know you lost her quite early..." Ali spoke tentatively. "She must have been a great mother –very kind and loving. She's certainly gifted you these traits." Ali smiled.
"L-loving?" Littlefoot chuckled. "You think I'm loving?"
"You know what I mean!" Ali shouted in defence, blushing slightly.
"I know my mother was the most loving dinosaur on the whole dinosaur world until Sharptooth took her life. Thanks for the compliment anyway." Now Littlefoot smiled.
"You're welcome," Ali replied quietly.
After a short pause, Littlefoot picked up the conversation again. "So anyway... you wanted to hear my opinion on Shorty, right?" Not waiting for a reply, he continued. "I still don't know if he is as terrible a dinosaur as his attack on poor Cho suggests. After all, he's shown his good side towards you before – though maybe only because he desires you..."
Ali rolled her eyes.
"I admit I'm not to eager to meet him again but... maybe I'd give him a second chance. Would you?" Littlefoot looked at his friend, questioning.
"Well, I've told him everything that needed to be told. It's up to him now," Ali said firmly.
"You're angry at him, aren't you Ali?" Littlefoot asked after observing the girl's reaction.
"Of course!" Ali shouted. "He hurt my friend Cho... and I thought he was my friend as well. I have offered him to be friends with him again if he truly changes but I doubt it'll be like nothing happened ever again. I hope he realises that and never does it again!"
"I hope so too," Littlefoot admitted.
Both sighed.
"Well, I'm just glad Cho didn't die. According to some herd members, she was very close to death," Ali stated.
"Shorty would have been banned. I doubt Bron would have allowed him to stay in his herd. Adopted son of him or not, the herd would have demanded him to leave because of the threat he poses to the children... to us," Littlefoot spoke.
"Yeah, you're right," Ali replied. "See, I think there are quite a few members in the herd who would have preferred to see him leave. In my old herd, he would have been banished for sure."
"Bron is the leader, he'll know the right decision," Littlefoot argued optimistically. "He's probably talked to Shorty, maybe yelled at him too... but... he-he sure wouldn't have let Shorty get away with his actions if he knew he'd do it again, right?"
"Yes, I think so too," Ali replied. "By the way, why don't you ask Bron when you meet him? I'm sure he'll answer you," she assured him.
"Right... how late is it?" Littlefoot realised that he almost forgot about the meeting with his father. His gaze wandered over to the supposed meeting location... where his father was already waiting, appearing to look into his direction. "Oh crap..."
"Ali, I really gotta go now!" Littlefoot exclaimed in a hurry. "I'll seeya later!"
"Sure, but... where do we meet again? Here? At the berry bushes?" Ali asked.
"The berry bushes sound good," Littlefoot affirmed. "Seeya later, Ali!" He rushed away towards the wall where Bron was waiting.
"See you, Littlefoot!" Ali called, smiling, before turning around to visit Cho again.

Shorty lay on the cool ground under the shade of the huge trees surrounding his nesting area. This would be the only location he'd see of the valley for a long time. He was so bored – there was absolutely nothing to do. Even observing other Longnecks and any other kind of creature – even watching the leaves gently sway in the flow of the wind was already beginning to bore him. But Shorty knew he deserved all of this. He had accepted Bron's hard punishment, knowing he would probably lift it sooner or later anyway. Just like him, Bron wasn't very good at holding grudges. Shorty would cooperate in order to be released as soon as possible.
In hindsight, he deeply regretted his attack on Cho. He still hated her – he always would, but he knew he went too far. Not only once he was considering banging his head against one of the many trees around him in a mixture of frustration and self-directed anger. What annoyed him more than anything else – even more than the boredom he was to face for a long time, was the fact that Ali who should be spending time with him was playing with Littlefoot all day while he probably lost every chance to ever conquer the girl's heart. He wondered how anybody could like something like Cho but then again Ali didn't know what he knew...
Suddenly, Shorty was on alert as he heard a rustling in the undergrowth that was too unnatural to be caused by the wind...

~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, there you go. Lots of stuff happens but I'll leave it to you to analyse that (I'm in a bit of a hurry right now :p) One thing I do request is the following: Could you please tell me if my dialogues are good? I get a feeling it's always just a block of lines between the respective speakers, lacking description inbetween. But I think that would often disrupt the natural flow of the dialogues... I never see the dialogues in other writer's fanfictions the way I handle them so I wonder if there's something I can improve there?

Anyway, hope you like the chapter (and the plentiful cliffhangers I hid in there ;)) While writing this, I've finally decided a few things concerning certain character's backstories... most of it won't be revealed in quite a while though  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on October 19, 2015, 10:10:23 AM
I finally had some time to catch up with this story.  One of the side effects of teaching classes and taking a class at the same time...

We certainly had some more interaction between Littlefoot and Ali in this chapter.  This came across as quite believable as you have quite a skill at capturing their youthful play very effectively.  Although I bet this is going to make a certain green longneck jealous...

And here he is finally.. Hart.  Worse yet, it seems that he has a posse of sorts, though if this is a herd or merely a group is yet to be seen.  Though the fact that they were in the cave would seem to indicate that the cave was quite large.  I wonder what their motivations are at this point.  Will he continue to hold a grudge against Ali and Littlefoot, or does he have bigger plans on the horizon?  I suppose we will have to wait and see.  Worse yet, I fear that this will have a rather negative effect on Shorty.  If Shorty begins to act more fearful and withdrawn (even by his standards) then this would probably indicate to Bron that true magnitude of how much of an ass Hart was.

Quote
"See... Shorty probably had to endure and see a lot of violence in his early childhood and the way Bron described his father sounds as if he was raised by a fanatic and violent jerk..." Ali explained.
"So... you wanna tell me the way his dad acted towards him has rubbed off on Shorty?" Littlefoot asked, unbelievingly.
"Yes... education decides what kind of dinosaur you will grow up to be." When Littlefoot gave her a puzzled gaze, Ali added. "Well, Old One always said that anyway. There are probably exceptions..."
Littlefoot suddenly got very thoughtful. If Ali's words were true, how had his mother influenced his very own personality? She was the kindest dinosaur Littlefoot ever got to know but then who passed on their adventurous nature to him? His grandpa? Surely it couldn't be Bron since he didn't raise him...
"Littlefoot?" Ali voiced up. "What are you thinking about?"
"Huh?" Littlefoot hadn't paid any attention to his surroundings or Ali. "Well ehm... I was just wondering how my mother influenced me through her education, y'know..." Littlefoot answered. "
"Oh, I know you lost her quite early..." Ali spoke tentatively. "She must have been a great mother –very kind and loving. She's certainly gifted you these traits." Ali smiled.
"L-loving?" Littlefoot chuckled. "You think I'm loving?"
"You know what I mean!" Ali shouted in defence, blushing slightly.

This is a good encapsulation of the situation from Ali, despite her somewhat youthful, naive summation of it.  Shorty is currently trying to un-learn his education from his father, whereas Littlefoot is confronting how much of his personality came from his mother and grandparents.  Even though he has a father, does that mean that he should go with him?  After all, Littlefoot is a different longneck than he would have been with his father's instruction.  I figure that this will impact Littlefoot's decision on where to go later on.

Overall this was a very good chapter, I just need to point out a few typos before answering the question that you posed to me.

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"Ehm... no thanks," Ali replied shyly and intimidatedly.

Intimidatedly is not really an English word.  Cautiously would probably work better here as describing her mannerisms.

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See, There's a bunch of them at this place..." Ali replied quietly.

Should be: "See? There's a bunch of them at this place..." Ali replied quietly.

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Shorty lied on the cool ground under the shade of the huge trees surrounding his nesting area.

Shorty lay on the cool ground.

Now to your question:

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One thing I do request is the following: Could you please tell me if my dialogues are good? I get a feeling it's always just a block of lines between the respective speakers, lacking description inbetween. But I think that would often disrupt the natural flow of the dialogues... I never see the dialogues in other writer's fanfictions the way I handle them so I wonder if there's something I can improve there?

The actual exchanges between characters are quite good.  Especially the exchanges between Littlefoot and Ali, which fit the characters quite well.  However, I must admit that the lack of description between dialogue can limit the engagement of the reader with the story, as non-verbal expressions and internal thoughts often give context to the dialogue in a story.  That being said, it is possible to go too far the other way as well, and to fall into the trap of "telling, not showing" which we want to avoid as writers.

So all of that being said, it might be a good idea to try to add a bit of description between the dialogue (say, every 3 or 4 exchanges) to indicate the position and expressions of the characters.  Adding this detail would help to further engage the reader in the story, and to break up the dialogue.  Another thing that could be considered is breaking up the individual dialogue in some places so that the descriptions of expressions, tone, etc. is not always at the beginning or end of dialogue.  For example, consider this passage:

Quote
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ali screamed; something had touched her.
"Surpriiiiiiiise!" Littlefoot called once he had resurfaced and taken a deep breath of air.
"Littlefoot! You scared me!" Ali accused him.
"Well, that's what it was all about..." Littlefoot grinned.

Could be revised to this:

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ali screamed; something had touched her.
Suddenly, a large neck arose from the water like a monster from the abyss... however, this neck belonged to a rather familiar source.
"Surpriiiiiiiise!"
"Littlefoot! You scared me!" Ali accused him.
"Well..." Littlefoot grinned cheekily,  "...that's what it was all about..."

Note how the description in the "Surprise!" line was taken out in favor of a stand-alone line of description.  Based upon what was stated in the line of description Littlefoot's identity no longer has to be expressed in the next line.  Additionally, in the last line, the dialogue has been broken up in order to simulate Littlefoot taking on a cheeky smile, before coyly mentioning his reasons for scaring her.  This is an example of how changing some of the descriptions can give the dialogue a new feel to it without actually changing any of the dialogue itself.

The only other thing that I would mention about dialogue is that, when writing adults, one must be careful with being too direct.  This might be a difference between German and English, but in English we often avoid being overly descriptive about our motivations in conversational speech, especially in the dialogue of villains, as being too direct can come across as cliche in English.  For example, this:

Quote
"Still, they've disturbed your important sleep, sir!" Ricky argued. "I really desperately want to see these kids suffer!"

Could probably be rewritten like this to avoid sounding cliche:

"Still, they've disturbed your sleep, sir!" Ricky argued. "Those kids should suffer for this outrage!"

Overall however, this chapter (and, in fact, the whole story) has been a joy to read, so I don't want you to think that this criticism indicates that I have deep reservations about your work.  This story is quite interesting and engaging, and, in my opinion, highlights your improvement as an author.  I merely wanted to offer some suggestions about how the dialogue could be modified to hook the reader in more, which can often be challenging to an author.

This was a good chapter as always. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to your next installment.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on October 22, 2015, 06:49:53 PM
:celebrate

I have to say, I really love this story so far! I am usually pretty put off by gore in LBT fics, but the few times you included those scenes you did so tastefully, and in a way that progressed the story. So it didn't bother me very much :yes

I am now so curious to see what happened between Shorty and Cho! It is interesting to see that, while she obviously she doesn't like being bullied by him, and will fight him back in heat of the moment, she does not join others in condemning him. It seems like she may feel some guilt over the incident in question, hmmmmm.

I have read too much at once to write an in-depth analysis of the whole thing, but I will try to write more detailed reviews on future chapters!

This really makes me want to start writing my fic again :lol
I probably won't because I am not a great writer, and I don't think there is much interest in it, but I might doodle some scenes from it every now and then :DD
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 25, 2015, 10:50:52 AM
Thank you for the detailed review, rhombus. This is just what I was asking for!  

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I finally had some time to catch up with this story. One of the side effects of teaching classes and taking a class at the same time...
I can imagine... going to uni now doesn't exactly help me to catch up on Songs of the Hunters either :p

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We certainly had some more interaction between Littlefoot and Ali in this chapter. This came across as quite believable as you have quite a skill at capturing their youthful play very effectively. Although I bet this is going to make a certain green longneck jealous...
Yeah, I just love these two together. It's a lot of fun writing the scenes with them interacting and goofing off. I just have to make sure not to overdo it (which I did in some previous chapter imo with all that farting stuff... shouldn't have started that plot idea in the first place...) ^^
Shorty is obviously not gonna like this development but he's apparently realised that it's his fault and that he (in a way) deserved this.

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And here he is finally.. Hart. Worse yet, it seems that he has a posse of sorts, though if this is a herd or merely a group is yet to be seen.
Wait a second, where did you read that? It's only him and Ricky, you can hardly call that a posse :p Wonder where you got that impression... because I may have to clarify things there :p Well, at least you've realised he's up to no good... though I think I made that obvious enough already  :lol

Quote
Though the fact that they were in the cave would seem to indicate that the cave was quite large. I wonder what their motivations are at this point. Will he continue to hold a grudge against Ali and Littlefoot, or does he have bigger plans on the horizon? I suppose we will have to wait and see.
Yep, you'll have to wait and see what the Most Evil Swimmer himself comes up with  ;) The size of the cave is not yet known but it must be big enough to allow a grown-up longneck to enter, walk and sleep in there.

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Worse yet, I fear that this will have a rather negative effect on Shorty. If Shorty begins to act more fearful and withdrawn (even by his standards) then this would probably indicate to Bron that true magnitude of how much of an ass Hart was.
Well, Shorty doesn't know about his father being around yet ;) There are many ways he could react to meeting him. Acting fearful is certainly one of the more likely options although not quite in-character for Shorty. Bron's reaction could be very important for the outcome of this...

Quote
This is a good encapsulation of the situation from Ali, despite her somewhat youthful, naive summation of it. Shorty is currently trying to un-learn his education from his father, whereas Littlefoot is confronting how much of his personality came from his mother and grandparents. Even though he has a father, does that mean that he should go with him? After all, Littlefoot is a different longneck than he would have been with his father's instruction. I figure that this will impact Littlefoot's decision on where to go later on.
Your analysis is really spot on. That paragraph wasn't planned, I was simply trying to make the conversation believable and I ended up with this ^^ Sometimes the best ideas come as you're writing the story I guess.
I honestly haven't thought of Shorty trying to unlearn his education so far but it's a good thought. he actually does it for Ali but maybe also for himself to become a better dinosaur others respect. Now I have a pretty cool idea for a conversation between Ali and Shorty later on in the story  :idea

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Overall this was a very good chapter, I just need to point out a few typos before answering the question that you posed to me.
I'm happy that you liked the chapter :) Thanks for pointing out these small mistakes too. I don't think I need to have somebody pre-proofread my chapters anymore and I wouldn't know anybody who has tons of leisure time to do so :p But still there's a small mistake here and there but we all make them sometimes, yep, yep, yep.

Quote
The actual exchanges between characters are quite good. Especially the exchanges between Littlefoot and Ali, which fit the characters quite well. However, I must admit that the lack of description between dialogue can limit the engagement of the reader with the story, as non-verbal expressions and internal thoughts often give context to the dialogue in a story. That being said, it is possible to go too far the other way as well, and to fall into the trap of "telling, not showing" which we want to avoid as writers.
I see what you mean and I've already tried to apply this advice in the most recent chapter which I might be able to finish today :)

Quote
So all of that being said, it might be a good idea to try to add a bit of description between the dialogue (say, every 3 or 4 exchanges) to indicate the position and expressions of the characters. Adding this detail would help to further engage the reader in the story, and to break up the dialogue. Another thing that could be considered is breaking up the individual dialogue in some places so that the descriptions of expressions, tone, etc. is not always at the beginning or end of dialogue. For example, consider this passage:

QUOTE
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ali screamed; something had touched her.
"Surpriiiiiiiise!" Littlefoot called once he had resurfaced and taken a deep breath of air.
"Littlefoot! You scared me!" Ali accused him.
"Well, that's what it was all about..." Littlefoot grinned.


Could be revised to this:

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ali screamed; something had touched her.
Suddenly, a large neck arose from the water like a monster from the abyss... however, this neck belonged to a rather familiar source.
"Surpriiiiiiiise!"
"Littlefoot! You scared me!" Ali accused him.
"Well..." Littlefoot grinned cheekily, "...that's what it was all about..."

Note how the description in the "Surprise!" line was taken out in favor of a stand-alone line of description. Based upon what was stated in the line of description Littlefoot's identity no longer has to be expressed in the next line. Additionally, in the last line, the dialogue has been broken up in order to simulate Littlefoot taking on a cheeky smile, before coyly mentioning his reasons for scaring her. This is an example of how changing some of the descriptions can give the dialogue a new feel to it without actually changing any of the dialogue itself.
That example really helped me to realise how to improve my writing. :)

Quote
The only other thing that I would mention about dialogue is that, when writing adults, one must be careful with being too direct. This might be a difference between German and English, but in English we often avoid being overly descriptive about our motivations in conversational speech, especially in the dialogue of villains, as being too direct can come across as cliche in English. For example, this:

QUOTE
"Still, they've disturbed your important sleep, sir!" Ricky argued. "I really desperately want to see these kids suffer!"


Could probably be rewritten like this to avoid sounding cliche:

"Still, they've disturbed your sleep, sir!" Ricky argued. "Those kids should suffer for this outrage!"
Thanks for yet another advice. Interesting what unique traits languages can have. I've never heard of this being a problem in German language ^^

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Overall however, this chapter (and, in fact, the whole story) has been a joy to read, so I don't want you to think that this criticism indicates that I have deep reservations about your work. This story is quite interesting and engaging, and, in my opinion, highlights your improvement as an author. I merely wanted to offer some suggestions about how the dialogue could be modified to hook the reader in more, which can often be challenging to an author.
As I've mentioned already, this was just the kind of critique I was looking for. You've told me how to do things better without making me feel like I suck at writing  :smile I really appreciate your efforts and I hope the next chapters in improved quality will be your reward. I still hope I can return the favor one day ;)

@DarkWolf: I'm VERY happy that you like the story  :smile It's a good feeling that I now have 3 regular readers instead of 2 and it certainly gave my writing motivation a boost!

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I have to say, I really love this story so far! I am usually pretty put off by gore in LBT fics, but the few times you included those scenes you did so tastefully, and in a way that progressed the story. So it didn't bother me very much in-yes.gif
I usually don't write such violent scenes but this changed the path the story was taking immensely. The whole story isn't really planned, I often change my mind later and I often come up with the best ideas while I'm writing... Sometimes I had a feeling it was a bit too extreme but nobody complained so far so it probably wasn't :) Besides, it was fun to write ^^

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I am now so curious to see what happened between Shorty and Cho! It is interesting to see that, while she obviously she doesn't like being bullied by him, and will fight him back in heat of the moment, she does not join others in condemning him. It seems like she may feel some guilt over the incident in question, hmmmmm.
Yeah, their relation is still pretty much a mystery and (probably) will remain a mystery for quite a bit longer in the story but I promise there will be further interaction between them in the future :yes

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I have read too much at once to write an in-depth analysis of the whole thing, but I will try to write more detailed reviews on future chapters!
That's perfectly fine :) I'd love some reviews on future chapters (and I will try to finish the newest chapter today so you get the opportunity to do so  :DD ). Besides, I've been thinking about revamping parts of the story which would allow you to review these earlier chapters too. But that's not decided yet...

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This really makes me want to start writing my fic again dino_laugh.gif
I probably won't because I am not a great writer, and I don't think there is much interest in it, but I might doodle some scenes from it every now and then dino_happier.gif
As I've already said in the Shorty discussion thread, I can only encourage you to give it a try while you're motivated and your head full of ideas ;) Since you're a good artist, a sort of comic could also be an option :yes

EDIT: Wow, exceeded the emoticon limit of the forum so had to scale it down xD
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 25, 2015, 09:38:01 PM
Alright everybody, here's the promised new chapter!

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Chapter 42:

"They are so bloody silly..." Ricky shook his head in a mixture of amusement, annoyance, arrogance and disbelief. He had already observed Littlefoot and Ali for quite a while, being used to their childish and immature behavior but this really topped everything they've done so far. "Why am I doing this?!" Ricky had to question himself – the two fellow Longneck kids drove him nuts. He was about to call off the observation to pursue his actual instructions but then he heard something that caught his attention immediately.
"See, I also had a lot of fun with Shorty back then but it's just hilarious hanging around with you," Ricky heard the girl chatter. There was only one word that really caught his attention but it did so in a tremendous way. Ricky felt a mixture of extreme excitement and anger rise within his belly. Surely the stupid girl wouldn't be talking about...
"Speaking of Shorty..." he heard the girl say again. There was little doubt that it was not a coincidence these stupid children would mention the name of his brother. What sane dinosaur would name their baby Shorty? "Well, my dad is insane..." the boy chuckled to himself. "My dad probably felt he'd be the runt of the litter and gave him a ridiculous name!" The thought pleased him anyway.

Bron had been watching Littlefoot and Ali for quite a while now. His son was a little late but he wouldn't trade the fun it was to observe them for anything. They were still young, innocent and carefree. Bron wished he could go back in time to live the happy life of being a child again, going on adventures and getting himself into trouble, looking out for the pretty, young girls in his herd... "Yes, those were the days..." he thought in a mixture of bitterness and nostalgia. As he was watching Littlefoot and Ali playing, he was reminded of him and his mate at the time. They were just like that back then – unseparable, playing all day and doing all kind of silly things. "Though my flirting never worked until much later..." Bron mused. He knew that Ali liked his son a lot since Fiona told him how much Ali had missed her friend and he could only assume that it wasn't much different for Littlefoot...

Ricky continued following the conversation until the two Longnecks separated. He still wasn't one-hundred percent sure if their conversation was really about his brother but he had enough indications to go search for the Longneck in question to figure it out himself.
When both children were out of sight, he left his hideout, walked to the watering hole to take a sip in an attempt to act as unsuspicious as possible. Then he looked into the direction of a small forest to his left. The children had often looked into that direction when mentioning his brother so he would go in there to seek him out. Determined, he set off.

Littlefoot felt a little uneasy when he started his ascend of the steep wall to meet his father at the top. The anger he had been feeling the previous day was almost gone, only the disappointment of not having his dad around for most of his life remaining, but his excitement was beginning to take over. Nevertheless, Littlefoot remained cautious and distant. Bron was his dad undoubtedly but Littlefoot had not yet accepted this –had not yet accepted Bron as someone he could consider a friend or a family member. It felt more like meeting a stranger.
Littlefoot tried to suppress those feelings and thoughts however as his father came in sight. He would give Bron a chance to become his dad not only by blood but also by heart...

Roaming the thick jungle, using its vegetation as camouflage, Ricky recollected what he had already figured out about his long-lost brother, if his information was correct of course...
"First of all, that traitor is still alive!" Everyone, including Ricky, had considered him dead. He went out into the barren lands all alone. There was hardly any food and water to be found and predators were only waiting for individuals who were lost, weak and defenceless. "Such as Shorty..."  Ricky didn't know how his brother had been able to dodge his almost certain death but he did know that he wouldn't be able to rely on his luck another time when his dad would finish the job he started seasons ago...
"Second, he's here in this valley – possibly around the corner or at the other edge of the valley." Ricky and his dad had been affected by the sleepstories just like any other Longneck so that must have lured Shorty to the valley too. "Heh, wonder if my weak sisters will turn up here as well..." Ricky mused. He hadn't exactly seen them dying just like he hadn't seen Shorty die. It was against all odds that they somehow managed to find water in the desert when his dad left them behind in their weak state but he had already thought that about Shorty's demise...
"Third, those annoying kids know him..." Ricky didn't know in what way that could play to his advantage but he knew he'd take the chance if he saw it.
"Fourth, he has hurt somebody..." Ricky was quite surprised when he had heard that – or at least he had interpreted it out of the annoying youngster's conversation. Shorty had never hurt anybody when he was still part of the family. He'd been an annoying, stupid kid, always seeking attention and having a level of pride that was even close to the pride Threehorns displayed. "But not a violent jerk like me..." Ricky pondered. "I was the one bullying him... though maybe he has decided to act up to me and hurt those weaker than him..." Ricky didn't know but he would find out eventually...

Ali was on her way to her friend Cho when she resumed her day so far. She hadn't had so much fun ever since her first visit of the Great Valley when she met Littlefoot and his friends. For the first time in ages, Ali felt truly alive. Life was worth living again and she could thank Littlefoot for that which only increased the admiration she felt towards him. As Ali thought about this, another thought entered her mind which made her smirk.
"We're going to watch the Bright Circle's descent from the sky later. That will be the highlight of the day!"
With a smile on her face, Ali continued walking towards Cho's nesting area.

"Hello Littlefoot," Bron greeted his son. He fixed his gaze on his approaching son cautiously. The tall Longneck was almost convinced he had been able to soften the initial anger of his son the previous day yet he remained careful. They still didn't know each other very well and one wrong word could enrage or sadden his son, breaking the little trust that they had managed to build up already.

Littlefoot finally arrived at the peak of the wall, looking up to his dad with a mixed expression.
"Hello Bron... dad..." he replied silently with not nearly as much enthusiasm as his father had greeted him. "Am I late?" Littlefoot admitted that he got a little too carried away playing and chatting with Ali.
"No, you're not too late, Littlefoot," Bron replied, smiling at his son. "I've come here sooner than we agreed on because I needed some time for myself anyway. Lots of things were happening these last few days and I needed to do some thinking," Bron explained.
"Ah, I see," Littlefoot replied. Obviously, he wasn't the only one going through a lot of positive and negative stuff these days...
"Besides..." Bron gave Littlefoot a look full of mirth. "It's been a pleasure to watch Ali and you. You remind me of my younger self..."
Littlefoot gave his father an oblique gaze.
"And of a girl I had my eyes on when I was your age," Bron added, slightly dreamy.
"My mother I take it?" Littlefoot concluded. A small part of his heart cringed when he thought about his loving mother who gave her life to save his. Another, even smaller part, envied Bron for having so much time with her while he lost her so shortly after he hatched. But the biggest part of his heart reminded him that his mother was what connected him with his father.
"Indeed, we were just like Ali and you," Bron snickered. "Anyway, how have you been since our last meeting?" With more excitement, he added. "And, if you don't mind me asking, what mischief have you two been up to?"
"Mischief? We were just having fun playing games," Littlefoot replied, puzzling about Bron's behavior. On the one hand, it was relieving to have a laid-back, not a stern conversation but on the other hand his dad's excited behavior reminded Littlefoot more of a child than a grown-up Longneck. Deep inside he had an odd feeling his dad had been quite like him in his childhood, which would mean... "What if my dad was just as adventurous as my friends and I? What if he was the one to pass it on to me? But... how???" Littlefoot was confused. Ali had told him that education could change a dinosaur but... how could Bron have passed on his adventurous nature to him? Certainly not through education.
"Heh, so I thought. You two haven't seen each other in a long time, right?" Bron reassured. Of course both Ali and Fiona had told him but he just wanted to hear his son's version of the story as well.
"Ehh, yeah," Littlefoot replied, shaken out of his thoughts. "We met when her herd visited the Great Valley. We became good friends," he explained.
"And I take it they left sooner than you two liked?" Bron mused.
Littlefoot still remembered the disenchantment and sadness he felt when his friend had to leave. It quickly got better again since his friends felt the same and they still had each other to play with but he had always missed her and would sometimes think about her.
"Oh yeah, that was too soon," he admitted. "We sure had a lot of fun and a big adventure while she was there."
"An adventure?" Bron exclaimed in excitement. "Mind telling me about it, son?"
Littlefoot knew Bron would get hooked when he mentioned an adventure. It was a test with the result he had expected. His dad shared his love for adventures and also his love for hearing the stories about others having adventures. Doc came to his mind. He had loved to hear the stories about him from his grandfather.
"I wouldn't mind, dad," Littlefoot replied, feeling a bit awkward about calling Bron his dad. "But mind you, that's a long story."
"Long stories are the best," Bron said with a smile. "Besides, we have until sunset and there's also tomorrow. I really want to learn more about you to get to know you better and be a good dad."
"And I also want to learn more about you, dad," Littlefoot replied. Despite his doubts about the whole situation, he still wanted to accept Bron as his dad one day. Having a dad was better than not having a dad after all. "Though... today is my turn to be the story teller so I'll tell you about how Ali and I met and... about our adventure." The last three words he said with some mystery in his voice to make his dad curious (which frankly wasn't necessary at all). Having a former story speaker as a grandpa surely helped being a better story teller himself.

Ricky had been searching for his brother for well above 30 minutes and it already began to annoy him. "How to find a green Longneck in a valley this big?! He could be anywhere!" he cursed. While he was complaining about this, he suddenly realised that, either way, he would have to search for something that was very unlikely to stumble upon. "Right... that other task of mine..." he remembered with even more annoyance. He loved and respected his father for who he was, what he did and what he considered a good or a bad thing. However, he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings...

Littlefoot cleared his throat before he spoke up. He noticed the expectant and curious look on his father's face. "He must be expecting something really exciting..." Littlefoot deduced. "Well, it was some adventure... he'll like that story I suppose..."
"It was a day just like any other day," Littlefoot started narrating. Bron was listening closely. "I went playing with my friends like any other day but when we took a look out into the Mysterious Beyond we noticed this big herd of Longnecks heading towards the Great Valley."
"That was Ali's herd," Bron deduced.
"Indeed," Littlefoot confirmed, nodding.
"I'm sorry for interrupting you, son, but could you tell me something about your friends?" Bron asked curiously. If Littlefoot had friends, where were they? Surely their families would have followed their instincts too and travelled with Littlefoot's folks... so why weren't they at this place? Or was Littlefoot just too busy playing with his old friend Ali to give them much attention?
"What about them?" Littlefoot questioned cautiously. What was Bron alluding to? Did he want to hear about his adventure or not?
"I'm just wondering why I haven't seen you with anybody else but Ali," Bron explained. "Didn't your friends come over to this place too? I'm convinced all Longnecks had the sleepstories..."
"Oh..." Littlefoot found himself in a tricky situation. His dad thought his friends were other Longnecks... which they were clearly not. "I guess I'll just tell him and see how he takes it," Littlefoot suggested. He looked at Bron and replied. "Well, I'm also convinced that all Longnecks had those sleepstories. However," Littlefoot spoke nervously. "My friends aren't Longnecks...

*crack*
Ricky hadn't watched his step, causing him to step on a piece of wood, cracking it in two audibly. Instinctively,  he threw himself to the ground, hiding behind a thick bush. "Dammit!" he cursed. If he were to be noticed, Hart would be furious... Ricky quickly took a look around himself agitatedly. Luckily, nobody was to be seen. He hadn't taken a look of what lay behind the bush though...

"My friends aren't Longnecks..." These words echoed in Bron's mind. It was as though Littlefoot had spit them right into his face as if they were some sort of acid fluid.
"They-they are not?!" Bron stuttered in a mixture of confusion and suppressed anger. The latter, he tried to hide for he didn't want his son to dislike him.
"Is something wrong about my friends not being Longnecks?" Littlefoot inquired. Deep inside, he hoped his suspicion – that his father was not fond of different dinosaur kinds mixing and intermingling instead of sticking to their own kind, was wrong but his strange reaction suggested otherwise...
"I'm... just a bit surprised," Bron lied. Truly, it enraged him. If there was one thing he hated more than Sharpteeth, it was dinosaurs who betrayed their own kind. "It's... not unheard of to befriend dinosaurs from another kind but it's not exactly normal," Bron spoke uneasily.
"My mother told me that all dinosaurswere always sticking to their own kind," Littlefoot mentioned. "I didn't understand why back then. I mean, what is so different about them? They look different and they all have their ways. So do we," Littlefoot argued. "But we all speak the same language – well, all but Sharpteeth, we eat the same food, we live at the same places and we have the same feelings. That's what my friends taught me." Littlefoot took a breath. "Besides, if I hadn't disobeyed mother in that regard, you wouldn't be hearing this story today."
"I wouldn't?" Bron raised an eye-brow.
Littlefoot noticed how the curiosity and excitement took over in Bron again. He nodded confidently.
"Well," he thundered, pushing his anger aside for the time being. "That sounds like a story worth being told, doesn't it?"
"Yeah..." Littlefoot suddenly noticed that there was another thing he could include into this very story which his father would probably love to hear from a first hand source... despite the painful memories it would wake in both of them... "I will tell you the tale of how I found the Great Valley. It's a story about loss, despair but also hope; it's a story about the importance of friendship; it's the story of how my friends and I became friends in the first place."
Gone was the funny look in Bron's eyes. He had laid down in order to be on Littlefoot's eye-level and listened, his eyes expressing youthful excitement and curiosity...
 
Reassured that nobody had seen nor heard him, Ricky got to his feet again, still maintaining a somewhat cowered position though. That was when he realised his mistake. He had forgotten to make sure nobody was behind the bush he was hiding in. All of a sudden, he gawked into an all too familiar face. His green skin colour had intensified over the years and his features were sturdier than he remembered. Ricky quickly got over the initial shock of discovering his brother when he least expected it and put on a face that all the cool kids would show – a mixture of arrogance and laid-backness. At this moment, he really was lucky to have planned this encounter in advance...

Shorty's boredom came to an unexpected end when, soon after the rustling in the underbrush had reached his ears, the head of a Longneck kid came out of it. It was a boy of his size and age with a deep-blu-ish skin colour, wearing a look on his face that he knew he himself had worn many times...
Shorty got to his feet and greeted the newcomer suspiciously. "Who are you?"

Ali had completed about half of the distance to Cho's nesting area when a thought stroke her mind, making her thoughtful.
"Now that I think about it, Old One's words might have more truth to them than I believed at first..." It was Littlefoot's reaction to her words that made her wonder. "If Littlefoot draws these conclusions then I wonder what Shorty would do?" After all, Ali knew his backstory and it was even more obvious in his case than in Littlefoot's that his father had influenced his personality gravely. "Hmm, I wonder how Shorty would react to it... I'd love to confront him with these wise words to see if he'll take that as motivation to redeem himself..."
But then another thought crossed the young girl's mind. "Though... what if he takes it as an invitation to blame his behavior on his dad?" Ali knew that Shorty would have to hear yet another lecture from her if it came to that. One problem remained though...
"It's of no use though if I'm not allowed to go to Shorty to tell him in the first place!" Of course she had visited Shorty against Bron's punishment before but doing it again felt wrong to the young Longneck. Surely, he would make an exception if her visit was for educational reasons...

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Not ending a chapter with a cliffhanger for a change :p At least not with a nasty one. Of course a lot of things just wait to be continued in the next chapter :DD Let me know what you think about it, yep, yep, yep!

I just hope you like it and I hope it becomes visible that I've tried to apply rhombus' advice  :angel

As for the next chapter, even though I haven't written a single word of it yet, I can already give you a slight hint. Nostalgia ;)

PS: Trying to etablish a somewhat regular schedule again since I'm really into the story again  :exactly
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on October 26, 2015, 05:43:28 PM
... I didn't know there was an emoticon limit :lol

Aww, I really loved Littlefoot's storytime with Bron, it was quite an endearing scene :yes
And I have to wonder if Bron will be able to get over his speciesism... but if this is following the events of the movie, I guess that will be put to the test sooner or later :D

Didn't see any major issues with the writing in this chapter, and Shorty's pending meeting with his father has me on the edge of my seat  :blink:
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 27, 2015, 03:20:05 AM
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... I didn't know there was an emoticon limit dino_laugh.gif
Use more than twenty and try to post it (or just hit preview post, it'll also tell you not to use so many  :smile )

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Aww, I really loved Littlefoot's storytime with Bron, it was quite an endearing scene in-yes.gif
If you liked that, you'll definitely like the next chapter :yes

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And I have to wonder if Bron will be able to get over his speciesism... but if this is following the events of the movie, I guess that will be put to the test sooner or later biggrin.gif
Ah yes, the speciesm. I thought it might add some spice to the relationship between Bron and Littlefoot and I have a backstory to explain this at some point  :p I imagine Bron to believe in the old ways, being a Longneck-only herd leader... Old One would probably fall under that category as well (and her actions in LBT 4 suggest her dislike of other species...)
You'll see if it is put to the test or not eventually ;)

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Didn't see any major issues with the writing in this chapter, and Shorty's pending meeting with his father has me on the edge of my seat blink.gif
I can imagine :D Well, neither of them know of each other's presence yet, only Ricky knows about Shorty now and it'll be interesting to see what he's up to :p And of course that guy has a plan ^^

Glad you liked the chapter and thanks for the review!  :exactly
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on October 27, 2015, 08:43:40 PM
I love what you have done with this chapter. :)  The greater attention to the characters' thoughts and expressions during their dialogue really added to the detail which the reader can gleam from the story, while at the same time avoiding becoming so detailed that one is telling instead of showing. This was especially pronounced in Littlefoot's and Bron's thoughts before Littlefoot told his story, and during the little sauropod's story.  We are now getting some hints at Bron's opinion of having non-longneck friends, which I suspect may create a bit of a rift between his and his son's perspectives.  

The thoughts of Ricky are also foreboding... although his intentions towards Shorty (to harm him or to manipulate him) are uncertain at this point.  Whatever it is I am sure Ricky's intentions are not good.

Once again, this was a very good chapter.  :) I think that your elaboration of additional detail and thoughts really improved the narrative and heightened the engagement with the characters.  I look forward to what happens next.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 28, 2015, 05:27:31 PM
Thank you for the review, rhombus! I'm very glad that I've managed to apply your advice and thereby improved my writing! :yes

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We are now getting some hints at Bron's opinion of having non-longneck friends, which I suspect may create a bit of a rift between his and his son's perspectives.
Yep, it's not gonna help building a father-son relation between them. Bron hides it but it greatly annoys him and, like I already said in response to DarkWolf, there is a reason for his attitude towards other species...

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The thoughts of Ricky are also foreboding... although his intentions towards Shorty (to harm him or to manipulate him) are uncertain at this point. Whatever it is I am sure Ricky's intentions are not good
Heh, I've tried not to let the reader know what he's up to this time ;) Considering he's taking orders from Hart, it's a good guess to say he's up to no good. Whether this is the case or not, you will know in a chapter or two ;)

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Once again, this was a very good chapter. smile.gif I think that your elaboration of additional detail and thoughts really improved the narrative and heightened the engagement with the characters. I look forward to what happens next. in-yes.gif
Thanks again, I'm looking forward to receiving these reviews as well  :smile

The next chapter is scheduled for next weekend (not this weekend)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 06, 2015, 09:27:54 AM
Argh, this took way too long again :p

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Chapter 43:

"I will start the story the day before the big earthshake occured," Littlefoot narrated. "It was the day my mother told me to stick to my own kind. We were following the Bright Circle to where it touched the ground day after day and this day was no different. I was hungry because there wasn't much food around. I still remember my grandparents giving me some of the bark of the leafless trees so that I have SOMEthing to chew on..."
"Oh yes, those were hard times..." Bron spoke with unusual darkness in his voice. "Things have improved since the time of your birth which was during the worst drought I ever witnessed. Many fell victim to hunger, thirst and sharpteeth. That was the reason why I took the risk of leaving on my own, trying to find a better place for you to grow up."
"It was a very hard time for sure," Littlefoot admitted. Life in the Great Valley was like paradise compared to the outside world and he knew he was a bit spoiled in that regard but he also knew the harshness of life in the Mysterious Beyond too well...
"It was also the day I saw a Treestar for the first time in my life," Littlefoot continued. "Shortly after my grandparents gave me the bark, my mother called me over to her. She gestured upwards to a single, green Treestar, rubbing it off the tree to give it to me. It made me really happy and because it was so special I didn't actually eat but keep it."
Bron laughed at this. "Hahaha, how cute is that?!" More serious, he added. "I missed so much of your childhood, Littlefoot..."
"Oh yeah..." Littlefoot replied. He had also missed a lot of time with his dad... "If I remember correctly, I also played with that Treestar."
Bron chuckled but didn't say more.
"Then I suddenly saw a young threehorn playing and I got curious." Something changed in Bron's expression but he didn't interrupt. "It was chasing after a flying bug, ramming and smashing some rocks which really impressed me back then. I mean... I couldn't do that," Littlefoot exclaimed. "Cera's headheadedness literally hasn't changed much since we first met..." he mused, chuckling to himself.
Bron was still hard to read but Littlefoot assumed he simply didn't want to hear about a Threehorn but about him. Yet, he had to tell him that part of this story... "Just when it had almost got the bug, the bug sprayed some purple juice at the Threehorn. I was laughing so hard!" Even nowadays, Littlefoot would sometimes tease Cera with that.
"Y'know, Littlefoot," Bron suddenly spoke up, amused. "That once happened to your mum when we were kids."
"Oh really?" Littlefoot was very eager to hear more about his mother's childhood. He'd one day ask his father about it but today it was his turn to be the story speaker.
"Haha, yeah. I was laughing just as hard at her!" Bron admitted bluntly. Chuckling, he added. "Well, she didn't talk to me for a few days though... anyway, go on. What happened then? Laughing at a Threehorn can be the last thing you do..." Bron's voice turned dark as he said this.
"That's true..." Littlefoot knew too well how furious Cera could get if she had the urge to restore her reputation and pride... "The Threehorn charged at me and I did the same since I thought it was just a game. The parents stepped inbetween though and her father growled at me to get lost and told his daughter never to play with Longnecks."
Bron felt the urge to state that the Threehorn was bloody right but kept it for himself.
"My mother caught me before the Threehorn could chase me away. Back then, I didn't understand what the Threehorn told his daughter. I didn't get what was so wrong about interacting with other kinds because they were similar to us."
"Similar?" Bron couldn't keep his mouth shut anymore but managed to remain calm. "They look different and they have different traditions and rules. Besides, they're competitors for food, water and good nesting areas," Bron argued.
Littlefoot felt a little uneasy about Bron's opinion of other kinds. He reminded him a lot of Mr. Threehorn who also disliked other kinds though he had softened up somewhat. If Bron shared the contemption which Mr. Threehorn often displayed, then Littlefoot wasn't so sure if he'd stay on good terms with his dad. Shoving that thought aside for the time being, he picked up the story again.
"Well, my mother explained that it's just always been that way because of all the differences. I didn't ask any further when she promised me I'd meet many Longneck playmates in the Great Valley and we moved on." Littlefoot cleared his throat before continuing. "I met the Threehorn again. It was early morning – still dark but just about to dawn, when I woke up because a hopper caught a flying bug that was resting on my nose."
Hearing that, Bron snickered again, the seriousness in him seemingly gone again.
"I tried to follow the hopper because I was curious," Littlefoot explained.
"Oh, you're just like me as a kid," Bron mentioned. "I was also like that, you're just like your father!" He seemed to be proud about that fact.
"I guess it runs in the family then?" Littlefoot joked. "Anyway, while following  the hopper, I encountered the Threehorn girl again. She was claiming it was her hopper and slid down a slope into a small, bubbling pond where the hopper had gone too."
"See how other kinds take things away from us?" Bron remarked but Littlefoot chose to ignore his comment.
"Well, we played in the pond anyway, trying to pop bubbles. But then..." Littlefoot switched to a unusually dark voice. "But then Sharptooth came."
"Oh, finally some action!" Bron exclaimed merrily. However, he quickly realised what he had just cheered for. "Uhh, I mean... that's the part I really wanted to hear from your story," he spoke in guilt.
"Yes, I figured..." Littlefoot replied somewhat gloomy. The memories were gnawing on his mood. The fear for his life, the grief... he just hoped he'd make it through his story without crying.
"The ground suddenly started shaking. We were looking around, wondering why the ground was shaking but then we saw the terrible beast. It was the ugliest, scariest and meanest creature I've ever encountered. I've met several Sharpteeth on my adventures already but this one was bigger, stronger, hungrier and more evil than any other Sharptooth!"
Bron was listening very closely now.
"Obviously, we were screaming for help and tried to run. Sharptooth almost got us but we managed to reach a tight forest of spiked trees and bushes where we hid."
"Smart..." Bron remarked. "He couldn't get you in there, right?"
"Well..." Littlefoot sighed. "He tried to climb through an opening in the roof of the forest but couldn't reach us. We tried to lose him by seeking a way through the spikes and exit the forest someplace else while he would lose the sight of us but the Threehorn chose a wrong path and we ran right into his jaws!"
"Why did you follow her then, when you knew it was the wrong path!?" Bron demanded gruffly.
"Well, I just couldn't let her run into her doom alone," Littlefoot responded in defence of his actions.
"You know you could've got yourself killed there?" Bron asked unbelievingly. "Why'd you care for a strange kid?"
"Well, I got away, didn't I?" Littlefoot answered a little harsher than he intended to. Bron's constant bickering about other kinds slowly ennervated him. "I know better than to do that again today..."
"Okay, it's fine," Bron recoiled. "Go on please."
"Sure," Littlefoot replied. "Sharptooth missed us and we ran back into the forest as fast as our legs could carry us. Unfortunately, I tripped across some vines and got entangled in them. Sharptooth was gaining on me, snapping his jaws after me as he tried to crawl closer to me. I struggled to get free, my heart exploding in fear and exertion. I could smell the blood in his breath and feel the breeze caused by his snapping jaws. I thought it was over but I didn't give up just yet. One last time, I used all strength I had to push against the vines..." Littlefoot paused momentarily for the sake of narrating the story as exciting as he could.
"So... what happened?" Bron asked eagerly. "Did he swallow you whole?"
"Of course! And I ressurrected!" Littlefoot joked sarcastically. "I snapped the vines and broke free while Sharptooth got slapped by the spiked vines in the face!"
"Ha!" Bron seemed to be pleased by the outcome of the situation.
"He reared up, tearing the spiked trees apart and roared in fury. Then he leaped high into the air, trying to make me pay for it. When he impacted the ground, his momentum threw the two of us to the ground. He opened his wide jaws aimed straight at us, about to eat us alive, when a mighty tail appeared out of nowhere, slapping Sharptooth with such power, that he was thrown against a nearby mountain!"
"That's how your mother entered the fight?" Bron reassured himself in awe. When Littlefoot nodded, he replied. "How brave of her to take on that beast... she was never eager to enter a fight unless it was necessary..."
"She was absolutely determined to protect me from Sharptooth and she was furious!" Littlefoot mentioned. " I got up and tried to stay behind her while she battled Sharptooth. She eventually whacked him to the ground again, turning around to run for it but..." Littlefoot hesitated. Something stung somewhere very deep inside of him.
"But something bad happened..." Bron concluded.
Littlefoot gulped. "Sharptooth got up again and leaped right onto her back... I saw him biting mother, ripping a huge part of her back and eating it right away. There was so much blood! It seemed to come out of the injury like a fountain..."
Now Bron gulped as well. Out of pure instinct, he lowered his head and nuzzled Littlefoot who didn't object at all. "That's so terrible..." Bron spoke in dismal. "That's nothing a child should ever witness. Now I'm even more surprised how you managed to not despair or even get caught in a permanent shock."
"A permanent shock?" Littlefoot wondered. He had never heard of such a thing.
"Yeah, it's when you witness something so terrible that you shut down completely, mentally. I've seen it happen to a child who lost its parents... or at least I assume she lost them. She never ever spoke about it..."
Littlefoot was still too severely affected by the story he was telling to realise who Bron was talking about... "Oh no, that didn't happen to me... I think," he replied uncertainly. "What happened to the child?"
"She is fine nowadays," Bron replied though deep in his mind he had to remark that the girl currently wasn't fine at all... but regarding her shock, she was. "You can recover from such a shock but it takes time and the scars always remain."
"Oh, alright then, shall I go on?" Littlefoot asked though he really didn't feel like telling the story any more.
"Only if you want," Bron offered for he knew how depressing it was for his son to go through the darkest hours of his life again...
"I do," Littlefoot affirmed. He knew he owed it to Bron that he knew the full story and all the gruesome details. Besides, the more enjoyable parts of the story were yet to be told...
"Mother eventually managed to shake Sharptooth off her and continued to retreat, me and the Threehorn following in shock. Sharptooth followed in hot pursuit, attempting to get more flesh from my mother but mother eventually managed to whip him before collapsing to the ground. Sharptooth lost his balance, sliding down a steep slope. Just when it seemed like it was over and we were safe, the ground started shaking!"
"The earthshake that split the land..." Bron murmured.
"Yes, I was right there, where the land split," Littlefoot replied. He had experienced many earthshakes before as they were quite common but never had an earthshake been nearly as powerful as the one that split the lands and divided the herds.
"Suddenly, the ground cracked open right underneath my feet!" Littlefoot went on. "It was the first strong earthshake in my life. I wasn't scared when the ground rumbled and shook a little but that earthshake was different so I was scared. Everything around me was moving up and down, left and right and shaking so hard that it was almost impossible to keep my footing. I tripped several times! The next thing I remember is that, suddenly, Sharptooth was after me and the Threehorn again. As if the earthshake wasn't scary enough! He got closer and closer. When the weight of his feet impacting the ground with every step of his broke it – after all the earthshake cracked the dry ground over there anyway so it didn't stand his massive weight, we ended up on his foot, screaming in terror!"
Bron was listening, his mouth agape with a mixture of excitement and amazement.
"Abruptly, a new rift opened right next to Sharptooth, emitting lots of hot steam which almost burned us! We tumbled over while Sharptooth was trying not to lose his balance which was actually impossible since the piece of rock we were on was moving like crazy, the gradient steadily increasing as the rock was about to be turned around as it seemed. Soon, the slope got too steep and we all were tumbling down towards an extremely deep ravine. The rock seemed to slowly break apart. I was panicked, screaming for my mother while trying not to fall to certain death. We were the first to lose our footing but we managed to hold on to Sharptooth's tail, climb up and walk across his back. But then, just when Sharptooth was about to fall down himself, my mother came rushing in, whacking that beast down the ravine and catching the threehorn and me just in time while Sharptooth fell much deeper than these walls surrounding this little place are high! I noticed a fresh cut on my mother's neck, drawing a lot of blood but I just kept running. The Threehorn and I finally separated since she was running after her parents while I was going along with my mother who just tried running away from the crack still forming, big pieces of land crashing down into it – and so were the dinosaurs on it."
"Geesh!" Bron commented but didn't say more since he wanted to hear the story without any interruptions.
"Suddenly, the earthshake got even worse! The ground was moving up and down, throwing every dinosaur to the ground. The last thing I remember is getting knocked out by a piece of ground. I don't know what happened then. I only know it was dark and masses of Sky Water were pouring down when I woke up again. I didn't know where I was and I was all alone. No trace of mother, no trace of just anyone. Only I was there... and a devastated landscape. I started calling for my mother and, since I didn't seem to be hurt aside from a slight headache, I went out into the dark, randomly looking around in hope to discover and reunite with my mother. I was searching for a long time but eventually, I discovered her, laying on a shelf of rock. Unmoving. I raced down a slope to reach her."
Bron gulped. He knew what was coming now. This would be the last time Littlefoot ever saw his mother and the last words of the love of his life and best friend since he could remember. Bron prepared himself for the terrible truth.
Littlefoot felt the stinging in his heart returning with brutal force. It was physical pain he was feeling, being reminded of the message he was told and the terrible sight of his dying mother. He remembered every word as if it was engraved into his mind and the occasional scary sleepstory would make sure he'd never forget them. Never. These words, although just recalling them was often enough to make him tear up, were holy to the young dinosaur. They were so full of wisdom and love, so full of regret and pain, yet so wonderful. And so goddamn sad...
Littlefoot took a deep breath before telling Bron about his mother's last moments as detailed as if it had happened just the previous day...

"Mother?" Littlefoot whispered as he arrived at his mother's fallen corpse. Gone was her determinedness to protect him from harm, gone was her strength. The only thing that remained was her fallen body which was covered in her own blood that was still seeping out of the huge hole in her back and the deep cut on her neck, forming a little lake of blood she was laying in though the rain slowly washed it away. The young Longneck feared for the worst but then his mother, much to his relief, moved slightly, emitting a groan.
"Please get up," he pleaded in worry.
"I'm... not sure I can, Littlefoot..." his mother spoke weakly, attempting to get to her feet.
"Yes you can! Get up!" Littlefoot encouraged her, his eyes getting a little moist. She was so weak and somewhere deep inside he knew she wouldn't be able to get up but he didn't want to lose hope just yet!
The huge Longneck struggled to get up, heaved her huge weight up but then her legs gave in and she collapsed back to the ground, breaking the little shelf of rock she was resting on.
Finally, it was dawning on Littlefoot what the inevitable result of his mother's injuries would be. The moisture in his eyes increased and his vision became blurry. His gaze was fixed on the fallen dinosaur, tears forming in his eyes. He knew now that he'd never see her again; he knew now that the Longneck in front of him would never rise again. But she still had something to say...
"Dear, sweet Littlefoot... do you remember the way to the Great Valley?" Littlefoot heard his mother say very quietly, the distant thunder almost covering her weak voice completely. He stared into her eyes so full of regret but also pure love.
Sobbing, he answered, more in a trance and not really saying the truth. "I think so..." The first tears began mixing with the rain, streaming down his cheeks. "But why do I have to know it!? You're gonna be with me!" Littlefoot knew perfectly well that she wouldn't and there was an unmistakible portion of doubt in his words as he spoke them. Nevertheless, he couldn't let go of the thought that she'd recover somehow... as unlikely as it seemed. He still wouldn't lose hope!
"I'll be with you, even if you can't see me..." his mother suddenly responded, her voice becoming fainter.
Littlefoot instantly knew that this was really the last sign that his mother knew his end was near even though he didn't get the cryptic message. "What do you mean if I can't see you? I can always see you!" he retorted teary-eyed. His mother stopped moving, only her voice could still be heard.
"Littlefoot..." Her voice didn't seem to come out of her mouth anymore but rather from somewhere he couldn't quite figure out. It was almost as if it came from where the thunder came from... "Littlefoot, let your heart guide you... It whispers, so listen closely..."
Silence. Only the sound of  raindrops impacting the ground and what seemed like a strange echo of  his mother's words remained. His mother was completely inanimate, her eyes closed, her mouth shut, her chest unmoving... no sound coming from the huge body.
Littlefoot wasn't capable of accepting the ultimate truth. He was clinging to any sign of life his mother may show but there wasn't any. "Mother?" he asked quietly. When no response came he repeated his plead a little louder and more fearful. "Mother?!" Only the wind answered, almost as if it was hissing at him, that he was all alone...
That was when he broke down...


------------------------------------------
Well, there you go :p Littlefoot told Bron how the love of his life lost her life. For a change, I've decided to dedicate the whole chapter to just one sub-plot unlike my usual approach, switching back and forth between them. I'll probably do this in the next chapter as well.

Anyway, there's one thing again I'd like to ask my readers: I had Littlefoot telling most of the story himself (except for the end), instead of choosing the approach rhombus often uses in his fic which I only used at the very end. Now this story Littlefoot is telling Bron isn't finished of course and I've planned that Littlefoot tells Bron the whole story. However, I know that it may get a little boring for you readers so here's my question: Should I retell the whole story of the first movie in short (with Bron reacting to the events - you can probably tell he'll like certain parts but dislike other parts. Besides, Littlefoot also wants him to learn how the friendship with Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike came about :p) or should I skip the less exciting parts? Also, should I keep the narrating style I used in this chapter or should I switch to Littlefoot experiencing the things he narrates? The latter is probably going to be more interesting and allowes for better writing but it'll be much harder to include Bron's reactions... any advice/opinions? :p

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and sorry for not updating sooner  :angel
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on December 07, 2015, 03:35:02 PM
Overall this was a very nice chapter.  :)

I must agree with your use of having Littlefoot narrate the story in the beginning as opposed to simply using a flashback.  Flashbacks are useful if one is telling a story to the reader who has never heard it before, but flashbacks are not as useful at conveying the opinions of the person to whom the story is being told.  In this case, Bron's opinions are a major focal point, so having the interplay between Littlefoot narrating the story and Bron's reactions is a good choice.  That being said, switching back to a flashback at the end is also a good choice, in my opinion, as it will allow the next chapter to open with the reactions of both father and son to the most tragic part of the story.

As for how to proceed with the next chapter, I would agree that retelling the entire story might be a bit much, but showing Littlefoot talking about the introduction of his friends (and thus getting Bron's reaction to his friends' demeanors and histories) and how they killed Sharptooth together would be a nice touch.  I can tell that Bron is going to have a lot to consider once Littlefoot has told his tale.  :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 07, 2015, 04:30:44 PM
Thanks for the review, rhombus :)

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Overall this was a very nice chapter. smile.gif

I'm glad you think so since I was afraid it'd be kinda boring (which may have been the reason why I lost my motivation to write for a while  :lol )

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I must agree with your use of having Littlefoot narrate the story in the beginning as opposed to simply using a flashback. Flashbacks are useful if one is telling a story to the reader who has never heard it before, but flashbacks are not as useful at conveying the opinions of the person to whom the story is being told. In this case, Bron's opinions are a major focal point, so having the interplay between Littlefoot narrating the story and Bron's reactions is a good choice. That being said, switching back to a flashback at the end is also a good choice, in my opinion, as it will allow the next chapter to open with the reactions of both father and son to the most tragic part of the story.
Yeah, exactly. I left the emotional reaction for the next chapter, ending the chapter with the emotional stuff while showing the reaction in the next one. Though, here it's probably going to be in two chapters, since the next one will focus on the other plot going on simultaneously ;)

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As for how to proceed with the next chapter, I would agree that retelling the entire story might be a bit much, but showing Littlefoot talking about the introduction of his friends (and thus getting Bron's reaction to his friends' demeanors and histories) and how they killed Sharptooth together would be a nice touch. I can tell that Bron is going to have a lot to consider once Littlefoot has told his tale. in-yes.gif
I thought I should definitely retell how they killed Sharptooth (that'll surprise Bron :D) anyway. I could reduce the middle part to just telling how Littlefoot met them indeed. That way I'll cover his friends and killing Sharptooth while reducing the "boring" parts to a minimum...
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on December 08, 2015, 08:50:57 PM
Love it!

I liked the decisions you made with Littlefoot's re-telling, and the flashback at the end. I agree with Rhombus in that I don't believe going over the entire movie is necessary, just main points. Such as meeting the gang, killing sharptooth, and maybe the part where they fought and split up. I am interested in hearing Bron's reactions :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 09, 2015, 05:45:31 PM
The fight, yeah... good idea :) I should probably include it indeed, yep, yep, yep!

Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked the chapter! As it currently looks, the next chapter might be up rather soon. I managed to write quite a bit of the next chapter inbetween exam revision this week already  :smile
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 17, 2015, 06:44:20 PM
next chapter, wrote most of it yesterday  :angel

~~~~~~~~

Chapter 44:

"Who are you?" Ricky instantly released an imaginary sigh of relief. "Shorty doesn't recognise me!" He was lucky that his colours had changed quite a bit through the years. When he and Shorty last saw each other their skin-colours were pale. Now they were much stronger and darker. On top of that, their voices had changed; they were sounding less like a child but a little more mature and deeper though not like an adolescent's voice yet...
"Name's Ralph," Ricky lied. It was all part of his great plan – pretending to be somebody he wasn't. He belonged to Hart since he was the one who fathered him in the first place. Serving his purposes was the least he could do to show some gratitude. Therefore, Shorty also belonged to him so he hadn't been entitled to run away... Ricky wasn't sure if Hart, was he aware of his actions, would want him to do what he was planning to do but he assumed it so he carried out his plan...
"Whazzup buddy?" he exclaimed cooly, grinning at the green Longneck in front of him who gave him a reserved look.
"What do you want?" Shorty grunted suspiciously. He was full aware that he wasn't supposed to talk to anybody due to being grounded but if people were dropping by without asking for permission he thought he might as well be allowed to chase them off... The first impression the blue Longneck by the name Ralph made on him wasn't exactly positive either so he was actually quite in favor of projecting his anger on unsuspecting and unfamiliar targets... such as him.
"Easy pal, why so rude?" Ricky sneered with false outrage. "Was jus' sayin' hello, y'know?"
"Name's Shorty..." Shorty snarled, giving Ricky a cold glare. "You do know that this area is only free to enter for members of my father's herd?" Now Shorty entered the terrain of lying as well which was his element, frankly...
Ricky's level of excitement rose when he realised he indeed stumbled across his brother. He almost failed to hide it but caught himself in time. "Aww, c'mon! You probably made that up anyway!" Ricky snorted. "Ain't you got friends, bud?" he then insisted with some amusement. He knew too well that he didn't have any friends either but tried to act like the cool guy he wasn't, not needing any friends.
"Again I ask you, what do you want?" Shorty growled, more vicious this time, anger building up within him.
"Man, what's wrong with ya?" Ricky teased. "I'm being kind and you sound like you wanna kill me!"
"If you were kind, you'd answer my question..." Shorty remarked with a growl.
He had a point. Maybe he should tell Shorty what he wanted? Well, what he pretended to anyway...
"Besides, you were asking if I had any friends but you're wandering around all alone too? Suspicious if you ask me, Ralph..." Shorty pointed out. "And what were you doing here in this lonesome forest anyway!? There are more populated areas here y'know?"
"'Kay, if you insist..." Ricky spoke, piqued. "I jus' arrived here, y'know, so I was exploring this neat lil' place when I ran into you. Thought I should say hello, y'know, like a well-behaved Longneck does. Oh, and I DO have friends. They were just too cowardly to come here so it's just me and my dad. Stupid of 'em if you ask me. Who knows what we're here for? There must be a reason..."
The stranger's response didn't help Shorty to build any trust but at least he didn't seem to be up to anything so he'd tolerate his presence for the time being. "That's less boring than just doing nothing!" he noted. He could still chase him off later... "Fair enough..." he simply replied.
"Wanna join me exploring the valley, mate?" Ricky then proposed. "Or got something better to do?"
That put Shorty into a tricky situation the outcome of which highly depended on his response. Of course he could simply say "yes" and go along. Nobody from the herd was watching and if anybody asked where he was, he'd just say he'd gone to the watering hole to drink. Surely he was allowed to meet his daily needs... Besides, Bron was busy talking to his replacement, Littlefoot. He wouldn't notice him either if he sneaked away. Still, Shorty knew it'd save him a lot of trouble if he just stayed where he was supposed to be.
Still, it was against his pride to admit that he was grounded. What should he do?

Yuyun was dosing in the warm rays of the afternoon sun when she heard a familiar, warm voice greeting her.
"Hello Yuyun," Ali spoke warmly. "Sorry if I woke you up..."
"Ali, what a surprise!" Cho's mother replied in joy, rising to her feet. "Don't worry, dear, I was just relaxing. We all need a break every now and then, especially after this demanding journey." The grown-up chuckled to herself. "Anyway, what are you doing here? I take it you want to see my little one again?" She gave Ali a warm, knowing smile.
"Oh yes, I'm indeed here to visit Cho again," Ali replied. After all, she had to make up for all the time she neglected the friendship horribly... "On the one hand, I'm just curious how she's doing;" the young girl spoke. "She's sleeping, isn't she?"
Yuyun nodded. "Sleeping like a rock since you came over in the morning..."
Ali emitted a short laughter. "Haha, so I thought." Turning more serious, she added. "On the other hand though I feel like I have to make up for the time I spent with Shorty, neglecting Cho who was so kind towards me when I was injured and weak..."
"Oh Ali, you know Cho doesn't blame you for that and neither am I," Yuyun assured the young girl.
"I know, still I feel like I should be there for her now," Ali responded. Littleoot is talking to Bron right now anyway so it's the best thing I can do to visit Cho right now."
"Fair enough," Yuyun admitted. "You know, Ali, Cho actually told me about you after she made friends with you..."
"She did?" Ali asked curiously.
"Yes, she usually never talks a lot about these things," Cho's mother mused.

Yuyun layed on the rocky ground, resting her legs after hiking across the mountains. Bron had called it a day in the afternoon since the place offered some safety and enough space for all members as well as a narrow stream with crystal clear water.
When she saw her adopted daughter Cho returning to her just around the dawn of night, she instantly noticed the happy face she was wearing. "Hmm, now that's interesting. She's hardly ever like that..." she puzzled. Usually, Cho was always kind of melancholic, depressed or just unsocial and odd but she still loved her little one. Moments like this were rare so she got very curious what made her so happy...
"Hello dear, what have you been up to today?" Yuyun asked her adopted daughter warmly, smiling at her lovingly. Usually, the little girl wouldn't answer her this question but today seemed to be diferent.
"Hello Yuyun," Cho greeted her adopted mother as formally as ever. "I think I have met a new friend. She is really kind. Kind of like a big sister I never had..."
"A friend?" her mother exclaimed in surprise. "Why dear that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you! What's your friend's name?"
"It's Ali," Cho replied. "Tomorrow I will meet her again if I can and introduce you to her, she is really kind."
Yuyun felt a deep pleasure as she heard her daughter telling her the news. She had never been able to find a friend; the other kids wouldn't play with Cho though she didn't exactly try to get engaged in their games. She rather played on her own so it was quite some developement of her.
"I would love to meet your new friend, Cho," Yuyun reassured.
"But Yuyun?" Cho suddenly asked.
"Yes dear?"
"Please don't be shocked when you see her. Ali is the girl we rescued in the desert."
"Oh, that is who you made friends with?" Yuyun was quite surprised about that.
"Yes, you see... I saw her and for some reason I knew she would be different than all the other kids. I was totally right. She's really like me... in a way..."
Yuyun didn't comment on that further. Instead, she nuzzled her daughter gently who didn't object at all (sometimes she would).


The next day, she got to meet Ali indeed. Yuyun was just glad her injuries healed so quickly. She still remembered how terrible her skin looked due to the excessive sunburn.
"Well, do you think I can try to talk to Cho again?" Ali asked. She really wanted to talk to her again as she had just remembered how kind a soul the little girl was when she talked to her in the morning.
"Sure, let's see how our sleepyhead is doing, shall we?" Yuyun chuckled. "I'm just glad she made it and I'm sure she'll be fine in no time just like you, Ali."

"Should I be a coward? Should I be daring? Should I disobey Bron?" Shorty just didn't know... but then a thought occured to him. "Why am I caring for somebody I barely know when I'm not caring for others I know too well?" In other words, why should he risk the truce with Bron for that idiot? Why should he try not to lose his face in front of somebody he didn't know? Surely, it wouldn't help restoring the little self-esteem he still had but it wasn't exactly someone he cared about. In front of Ali, he would've gone with Ralph to show her how daring he was. However, Ralph wasn't Ali so his decision stood.
"Sorry, but I can't," Shorty spoke outright. He really did mean it. Even though Ralph appeared to be a jerk, he was still better company than his shadow or his reflection in the water. "Honestly, I'm technically not even allowed to talk to anybody right now."
Ricky, remembering hearing about Shorty hurting other children, quickly realised he'd have a better chance to keep the conversation going if he didn't act like a jerk this time. Nothing would be gained if he made his brother dislike him or even wake his anger that he already felt earlier.
"Grounded, eh?" Ricky questioned, attempting to sound empathetic though he wasn't so sure if he succeeded.
Shorty nodded, swallowing down his pride. He prepared himself in case Ralph had in mind to make fun of him.
"Ah, that's uncool..." Ricky replied, trying to sound sorry. "Don't worry buddy, I've been there too. Your dad's as strict as mine then?" Ricky was really curious now. Who was that "dad" his brother was referring to? Surely, it wouldn't be his actual dad?
Shorty, being quite surprised by the boy's reaction, began to drop his surveillance. "Well, actually he's absolutely not..." Shorty admitted. With some anger, he added. "Though I don't think he really cares about me. He's just busy getting to know his real son. I don't matter anymore all of a sudden..."
"Oh..." Ricky began to like that development. "So... you've been adopted? That sucks."
"Yeah..." Shorty grunted.
"You can be lucky you were adopted though," Ricky remarked. "Most orphans just get killed out there without anybody giving a damn. My dad wouldn't give a damn anyway but that's just my dad..." Ricky suddenly realised that he had let down his guard too much. His brother mustn't figure out who he truly was..."So anyway, your dad's not strict at all?" he questioned as if nothing had happened.
"Mmh, he really isn't," Shorty replied honestly. "I usually get away with a lot of mischief. He'd scorn me but who cares?" Shorty had a feeling the other boy maybe wasn't so much different at all. He certainly seemed to be understanding of his problems.
"Then how'd you get yourself grounded when you normally get away with everything?" Ricky wondered, trying not to tease Shorty. His brother seemed to open up and he'd better make sure he'd stay on good terms with him for now...
"Well, I've gone too far this time..." Shorty sighed, annoyance and regret welling up in him.
"Oh?" Ricky decided to see if another theory of his was true. "I've heard somebody almost killed a youngling from their herd the other day when I arrived here. That wasn't you, was it, Shorty?"
Shorty was surprised to be accused of almost killing Cho, but then again he was not. The fact alone that Ralph had heard about this made him suspicious again but Shorty knew how fast gossip was exchanged when such a huge number of dinosaurs met at such a small place. He'd probably picked it up from some conversation. In fact, Shorty had done that earlier that day when he was so bored that even the most boring gossip was still more interesting than staring at something doing nothing at all all day...
"Y'know, Ralph," Shorty spoke casually. "Usually, I wouldn't tell you this since I barely know you..."
"But?" Ricky grinned. He knew he had him where he wanted him.
"But you seem to be understanding and not judgemental so I'll tell you. Maybe I'll feel better afterwards..."
"Sure thing, bro," Ricky replied, relaxed. "My dad's judging everyone right away and it sucks! Just trying not to become like him, y'know?" Again, Ricky slightly recoiled. "Too much info again..." he reprimanded himself. But it'd benefit him as long as Shorty didn't find out.
"Yeah, so... yes, I'm the one who almost killed the youngling..."Shorty admitted. "Go ahead and hate me..."
"Don't worry, why'd I hate you?" Ricky quickly answered. "Though, why'd you do this?" This question was of particular interest for the blue Longneck. If he knew how to spark Shorty's wrath without becoming its target himself, then he might even be useful in the end. And he'd enjoy manipulating him...
"Remember what I told you about my dad not caring about me anymore since he met his real son he abandoned before his hatchday?" Shorty explained. "Y'see, I was jealous of course and just generally pissed off because my girlfriend seemed to know that flathead, therefore I wasn't interesting for her either."
"You got a girlfriend? Good job, mate!" Ricky jeered.
"Not really," Shorty grunted. "As I said, she seems to like that other guy better than me." The thought of Littlefoot talking Ali away from his awoke his fury again but Shorty suppressed the urge to release it. " Anyway, so I ran away, furious. I was full of energy and I just needed to let it out on somebody... That somebody happened to be one of the annoying kids I often bully around. It's especially fun when I bully her because she's just a weirdo. Sometimes I can yell the ugliest insults at her and she'd just ignore me and then again she explodes at the littlest mention of an insult..."
"So Shorty's turned into a bully too? That's very interesting..." Ricky mused. He knew very well why Shorty became what he was now. Apparently, when somebody felt worthless, they'd lower others to rise themselves, even if these others stood no chance. Yes, that made Ricky actually quite proud. His brother wasn't the annoying brat he used to be after all.
"Anyway, when I finally caught that girl, I started beating her and I started to feel better. I lost control over myself and started torturing her. When I was done, she was bleeding so badly, that she'd have died without quick help from some herd members."
"Geesh," Ricky was sincerely shocked. "Well, I see why you did that but that was stupid!" Ricky's outrage was acted of course but deep inside he grew a little bit of respect for his brother, knowing he could technically do that to him if he wasn't careful. Ricky was of strong built, but Shorty seemed even more muscular than him, his tail in particular...
"I know..." Shorty cursed. "If anything, it made everything worse. Now everybody just views me as a threat to their children and those I care about despise me. Admit it, I'm a loser with no friends everybody hates!"
"Oh, so I was right about you not having any friends after all?" Ricky asked teasingly, forgetting that he shouldn't act like a jerk. However, Shorty took it lightly.
"Well, not anymore, Ralph..." the green Longneck sighed. "Not anymore..."
"Well..." Ricky was thinking hard. He had to find the right words now. "Looks like we both are pretty lonely right now. My friends are a bunch of eggs and your friends probably just don't understand you, not understanding why you did this, or they never really cared about you in the first place! A true friend would stick to their friends no matter what, right?" Ricky realised just how much crap he was saying but it seemed to have the desired effect on his brother. He wouldn't tell him any of this if he were still sane and if it wasn't necessary... What he was talking about right now was against his philosophy. "So..."
Shorty suddenly realised what the other Longneck was alluding to. The thought seemed a bit strange – after all he never really valued having friends nor did he ever get any until recently. "Does he want to be my friend?" Shorty wondered.
"So... wanna be friends?" Ricky offered.

"Hello little sleepyhead," Yuyun cooed. If it weren't for her injuries, one could think she was slumbering peacefully. In truth, she wasn't really sleeping. In fact, it was much closer to nonconscience. "Your best friend Ali is here again to visit you, Cho."
At first it seemed like Cho would just keep on sleeping but when her mother mentioned Ali's name, she shifted ever so slightly.
"Are you awake, dear?" Yuyun wondered.
Ali observed how the little Longneck slowly shook off her unconscience, her mind slowly beginning to process the information that Ali was standing right next to her. Yawning, she slowly opened her eyes just a bit, her adopted mother's warm smile greeting her. Cho tried to return the smile but failed at it since pain erupted in her head. Instead, her features were contorted into a grimace of pain.
"Are you alright, Cho?" Ali spoke softly, a spark of worry in her voice.
Hearing Ali's voice, Cho's motivation to fight the drowsiness in her head increased, and the pain was suddenly a lot easier to endure. Cho tilted her head towards Ali, relying on her hearing sense. Then she opened her eyes again, this time much wider. Ali's bright, blue eyes met her – her friend was smiling at her.
"Hello again," Ali spoke, smiling.
Cho returned the smile even if it was hardly noticeable.
"I'll leave you girls alone now, okay?" Yuyun voiced up, knowing that Cho didn't like having too many other dinosaurs around her. She could have a talk with her once Ali left.
"That's fine," Ali replied.
Cho nodded slightly.
"Have fun!" Yuyun tweeted before turning around and resuming her late afternoon sunbath.

Shorty considered his options. He knew he was technically not even allowed to talk to Ralph but he also realised the chance Ralph offered him here. Shorty still didn't fully trust him but he trusted him enough to hang around with him. If Ralph didn't hate him for what he'd done, maybe that was Shorty's chance to make a fresh start? Besides, Shorty had learned to value friendship when he met Ali. A friend was better then no friend. Maybe Ralph could even turn out to be somewhat useful to him?
"Are you serious?" Shorty responded carefully. "Nobody wants to be friends with a loser like me..."
"Aww, don't worry bro. You're alright. Really." Ricky reassured.
"And you don't mind that I can't leave this place for some time?" Shorty inquired. "I won't be able to do anything fun!"
"Well, you could always sneak off..." Ricky offered.
"No, I won't." Shorty had already made up his mind about that. "If I show my dad that I'm trying to redeem myself, behaving and not causing any fuzz, then he might lift the punishment. He usually isn't one to hold a grudge for very long..."
"Fair enough, I'd just be glad if I had somebody here I can consider a friend," Ricky explained. "So... my offer still stands. Wanna be friends, Shorty?"
"Well, I don't see why we shouldn't..." Shorty replied. Then he grinned at Ricky.
"Great!" Ricky exclaimed, surprised how easy it was to act like a good guy. He even kind of enjoyed it... kind of.
"Well, I'd better buzz off before we're caught chattin' ," he then called happily. "I'll drop by again tomorrow around this time, 'kay?"
"Sure, seeya!" Shorty replied, smiling. Maybe this day would start his redemption. It'd take him weeks, if not months, and he probably really had to change, not just pretend to do so. Yet Shorty felt like he could succeed. He already had a good idea what to do in the near future...

The two girls watched the grown-up Longneck leave. Only when she was out of hearing range, Cho spoke up. "Hello Ali." Her voice was weak but not nearly as croaky as it had been in the morning. "I didn't expect you to visit me again so soon..."
Cho's ability to form full sentences again greatly relieved Ali. This time, they would be able to have a longer chat.
"Well, I was spending most of the day with my friend Littlefoot but now he's talking to Bron so I thought I'd come over again," Ali explained.
"Littlefoot?" Cho asked. "Who is that? I don't remember any Longneck of this herd by that name. And why is he talking to our herd leader, Ali?"
"Oh, your memory doesn't fail you, Cho," Ali chuckled. "You see, Littlefoot is someone I met long ago when I was travelling to the Great Valley with my old herd. We had lots of fun and a really cool adventure, he's really nice!" Ali's gaze became very dreamy.
Cho couldn't help but chuckle despite the pain it caused her to do so. Even though she had absolutely no idea about these things, she just knew what Ali felt there.
"I'll introduce you two tomorrow when I visit you again, Cho. I'm sure you'll like him!"
Cho didn't particularly want to meet a dinosaur she didn't know but she knew that Ali would greatly appreciate it if she didn't act like the unsocial creep she usually was. Though in a strange way, she knew she would get along with Ali's friend when Ali was with her.
"Okay, I'm curious," Cho replied. "Though, what does he have to do with our herd leader? Why is he talking to him?"
"Oh right... You see, Cho... you probably know that Bron had a son he never found?" Ali started to explain.
Cho nodded slightly.
"Well... Littlefoot..."
"He is his son?" Cho suddenly piped up in excitement.
"Why yes, good guess!" Ali exclaimed in surprise.
"Hey, that totally makes sense..." Cho suddenly thought out aloud.
"What?" Ali wondered. She just hoped Cho would talk in riddles again like last time.
"Did Shorty oww..." Cho froze when her excitement got the better of her. She had moved her body around just slightly but was instantly greeted by a tsunami of pain.
"Oh no, are you okay?" Ali was quite worried about her friend now. She didn't want to imagine what pain she went through right now...
Cho took a while to respond. "I... think so..."
"Don't move yet," Ali advised. "I'm already glad you can talk. That's more than I hoped for. Just make sure you don't cause additional pain."
"Don't worry, Ali... I will not move... again," Cho replied.
"Oh I still don't get why Shorty hurt you like that!" Ali suddenly shouted at noone in particular. Seeing her friend suffer while trying to stay strong without whimpering enraged her. Cho didn't deserve that. Ali was amazed that the intense pain didn't make her cry. She would've cried when she was hurt at Cho's age...
"I think I do now," Cho whispered. All the talking slowly seemed to take on her voice. "Did... did Shorty see Littlefoot?"
"Huh?" Ali was confused for a moment. "Why yes, he was right there when Littlefoot found out that Bron was his dad. So was I by the way... why did you ask?"
"Then it makes sense..." Cho gave Ali a serious look.
"What makes sense, Cho?" Ali asked, confused.
"Don't you see it, Ali?" Cho wondered. When Ali shook her head, Cho sighed. "How did Shorty react then when he found out about Bron's real son?"
Ali considered for a moment. Then realisation finally hit her. "Oh, now I get what you mean, Cho..."
"It was my bad luck that I happened to cross his path," the girl explained. "He needed a vent – that was... me." Cho's expression went dark. "It could have been anyone smaller than him..."
"Then why you?!" Ali demanded in fury. "He always picks on you the most as it is!"
"As I said, it was bad luck that he ran into me," Cho repeated. "It is true that he hates me most."
"Why?! Why you, Cho?" Ali just didn't get it and she knew the next talk she'd be having with Shorty would be a very long interview...
"I'm the only one who doesn't submit to him, Ali," Cho answered. That wasn't the full truth but it was a valid reason. She was a dreamer, an individual. She had her own, sometimes stubborn, view of the world. She wanted to do what she wanted to do and not what others told her. Of course there were some rules she had to follow that actually made sense... like staying in a herd, not wandering too far from the others, being polite and so on... Shorty's rules didn't make sense to her so she didn't care about them... which earned her Shorty's loath.
Being the awkward girl she was, she also didn't want to reveal certain things to Ali. They had always been her very own secret she'd never give away. Unfortunately, one particular dinosaur knew them anyway...
"I will not tolerate this any longer, Cho," Ali shouted, determination in her voice. "Shorty will be up against me if he ever harms you again!"
"No Ali, that doesn't seem right..." Cho retorted weakly.
"So it feels right that he's almost killed you?!" Ali couldn't help mocking Cho for her naivety.
"No..." Cho's answer was simple but Ali wasn't any wiser.
"Then what is right in your eyes, Cho?" she inquired, sighing.
Cho sighed as well. "Nothing, Ali... nothing is."
Ali felt some anger rise in her stomach. Why couldn't Cho just say what she was supposed to say for once?!
"Again, I don't get what you mean, Cho. Sorry..." Ali admitted, swallowing her anger. "If only you were more direct sometimes, not talking in riddles all the time..."
"I'm afraid that is a part of me, Ali... I have always been like that and I don't think I can change; I don't think I want to," Cho admitted. "Let me try to explain, okay?"
Ali nodded.
"For some reason I... I just can't blame him for what he did to me... I know I should hate him, fear him, feel the desire to pay it back... but, frankly, I just feel sorry for him."
"You feel sorry for him?" Ali couldn't believe what Cho told her.
"Yes, I do," the smaller girl replied almost defiantly.
"You'll have to explain that, Cho..." Ali sighed.
"If you knew Shorty for as long as I do, then you would see what I mean," Cho explained. "You know his backstory... you know the violence and wrong views he was confronted with in his early childhood... you know how he was never formally adopted and therefore feeling unwanted sometimes, especially now that Littlefoot is more important to Bron than he ever was... you know how all the other kids in the herd didn't want anything to do with him..."
"Well, they also don't want to play with you..." Ali remarked carefully.
"Yes, but that is because I chose not to play with them," Cho explained. "I am who I am; I am different, I am weird and odd. You try to understand me, Ali. You didn't judge me because of my skin, you didn't mind that I'm a loner with no friends, you didn't mind me being much younger than you... You are what every other dinosaur I have met so far wasn't... You are a true friend, Ali."
Ali brushed all reservations she had aside. Giving Cho a look of gratitude, she gently nuzzled her cheek which the girl returned, smiling.
"Strange, isn't it? I understand how others are thinking but nobody understands how I am..." Cho mused. A particularly nasty wave of pain delayed her next words. "I can somewhat relate to Shorty, Ali. He's an orphan just like me. If he has known his mother, he will miss her." With a lot of sadness in her voice, she added. "I miss my mother too – my real mother..."
"He won't miss his dad for sure..." Ali murmured.
"At least he knew him..." Cho mentioned, her mood becoming a bit darker again.
Ali realised that Cho had probably just told her something no other dinosaur had ever got out of the Longneck with the black skin. According to Bron, she had never said a word about her family. Hinting at the situation in her family already was more than she had ever expected. Already in the morning, she had mentioned her mother, now she was mentioning her dad. Ali felt that Cho was on a good way.
"But true, he won't miss him I think," Cho admitted. "Anyway, I can also relate to Shorty because he knows what it means to be lonely. I believe it is why he became such a jerk. He wasn't important to anyone..."
"While you became the victim of the jerk even though you were in a similar situation?" Ali remarked. "Come on, Cho.You could've also become like him but you became the very opposite!"
"Shorty isn't like me, Ali," Cho argued quietly. "That's why he became what he became and I became what I became. However, I believe Shorty can change if only he has someone to whom he really matters – someone who really matters to him."
"I don't doubt he can, Cho," Ali replied. "However, he will have a very hard time redeeming himself and I'm not sure if the constant negative reactions he'll obviously still receive for a while won't make him doubt his decision..."
"We will see, Ali," Cho spoke optimistically.
"Yeah, we will..." Ali replied, not as optimistically.

A short break occured between them. Now that they had finished their discussion they had nothing to talk about anymore... or did they?

Cho stared into Ali's warm,blueish eyes. She still didn't know how she was able to endure the pain in her small body. It was always there, like something was slowly feasting on her from her inside. Yet, when Ali was around, she had something else than the terrible pain to focus on. Right now, it were her eyes fascinating her. They were exactly the colour of her mother' s eyes – those loving eyes she'd first looked into on the day of her birth... those eyes so full of pain when she saw her mother fall victim to him...
"No, I mustn't think about that right now!" Cho tried to force her thoughts in another direction. Luckily, Ali spoke up just at the right time.
"You know, Cho... there's something I didn't get when I visited you in the morning..."
Cho, happy to have something else then her physical and mental pain to focus on ,replied eagerly. "Yes, what would that be, Ali? I'm not sure if I was thinking straight earlier..."
"You're now at least," Ali chuckled. "Remember when you mentioned that we two have a lot more in common than I could imagine?"
Cho commissioned her brain but it refused to deliver what she needed to know. Eventually, she resigned. "I'm afraid I can't remember, Ali," Cho answered, smiling apologetically. "Did I say that before I snoozed off?"
"Oh yes..." Ali laughed. "You were half asleep already!"
"That explains it..." Cho would've joined Ali's laughter but she supressed it to avoid the eruption of pain that would follow inevidently.
"Do you think you can remember what you may have meant when you said this?" Ali requested. "I'm sure that's one of your riddles again, isn't it?" The pink girl giggled.
"Ah yes, I think I know what I meant but I will not tell you, Ali," Cho answered. "This is something I had to figure out myself when I met you so you should also figure it out yourself."
"Aww, any hints?" Ali begged.
"I shall grant you one hint but no more, okay?" Cho grinned at Ali.
"Alright, what is the hint?" Ali was very curious.
Cho grinned even wider until the point where it started hurting. She knew Ali wouldn't approve of the answer. "The answer is hidden in your eyes... happy puzzling."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there you have it :p Let me know what you think about the various developments in this chapter and I hope you liked it ^^

The next chapter will resume where chapter 43 left off...
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on December 20, 2015, 01:42:37 PM
Interesting! I love how you switched between Shorty/Ricky and Cho/Ali. There were some interesting revelations in this chapter about Cho in particular, and how she relates to Shorty. I am happy to see that Shorty is trying to turn over a new leaf, but I get the feeling Ricky's going to be right there to sabotage his efforts :(
Can't wait to read more!

Just one correction that stood out to me while I was reading, when Shorty said 'not making any fuzz,' I believe the proper expression you were going for is 'not making any fuss' :yes
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on December 22, 2015, 01:51:55 PM
Ah, a lot of developments in this chapter. The interactions between Ali and Cho were very well done and elaborated quite a bit more on her character and her history.  Likewise, the Ricky and Shorty conversation alludes to the fact that Ricky is on a scheme of his own.  It is very telling that Ricky things more highly of Shorty now that he has turned into a bit of a bully.  I fear that we may see a tug-of-war for Shorty's loyalties in the near future.  The only question is who will win?

I look forward to the next chapter.  :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 22, 2015, 05:40:54 PM
Ah, I'm glad you two like the new developments  :lol

Quote
There were some interesting revelations in this chapter about Cho in particular, and how she relates to Shorty.
Yep, yep, yep. Some of the things she talked about with Ali will be very important later on so stay tuned  :exactly

Quote
I am happy to see that Shorty is trying to turn over a new leaf, but I get the feeling Ricky's going to be right there to sabotage his efforts sad.gif
Quote
I fear that we may see a tug-of-war for Shorty's loyalties in the near future. The only question is who will win?
Oh yeah, this will be so much fun to write  :lol Who will win? I know but you do not (yet). :p

Quote
Ah, a lot of developments in this chapter. The interactions between Ali and Cho were very well done and elaborated quite a bit more on her character and her history.
Yep, you indeed learn more about Cho. It's funny how much fun it can be to work with such a complex OC like Cho and how she interacts with other characters in the story. A lot about Cho is still unknown to the reader. Certain information is hidden in my writing but I'd honestly be surprised if anybody figured this out at this point of the story already  :angel

Quote
It is very telling that Ricky things more highly of Shorty now that he has turned into a bit of a bully.
A bit of a bully... HE ALMOST KILLED POOR CHO! :p He's a biiiiiig jerk. Anyway, yes, that's indeed interesting. You never know, maybe Shorty will grow so much on Ricky that he gives up on his evil plan? ;) Who knows... other than me that is...  :angel

Quote
Just one correction that stood out to me while I was reading, when Shorty said 'not making any fuzz,' I believe the proper expression you were going for is 'not making any fuss' in-yes.gif
Uhm, I think you're right  :lol I'll make sure to correct it.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 10, 2016, 09:44:03 PM
Anybody still remembering this story?  :lol  :blink:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 45:


Silence. Littlefoot had interrupted his story telling. He was by no means capable of going on now after painfully reliving his mother's last moment.

Even the distant sound of chattering dinosaurs seemed to have been muted temporarily. Only the wind was blowing, a mild breeze touching their bodies.

"Oh Mother..." Littlefoot was on the edge of sobbing, moisture was forming in his eyes, blurring his vision.

Suddenly, huge drops of water impacted the ground. Littlefoot looked upwards to see his father crying.

"Dad?" the little Longneck spoke up softly. The fact that his dad was crying kind of helped him shake off his own grief.

"Thank you, Littlefoot, thank you..." Bron whispered. "I admire your strength at this young age. You are my son..."

"And you are my dad..." Littlefoot spoke silently. Bron's reaction wiped away every little bit of doubt Littlefoot had in him. Bron was his dad, there was no question about that anymore. Littlefoot felt strongly connected to him for the first time since they both shared the pain of losing the most important dinosaur in their lifes.

"Thank you very much, son," Bron choked, not hiding his tears. "You can't imagine how important it is for me to finally know how my mate spend her last moments. She died protecting you. Only through her efforts, I now have the opportunity to meet you at last, Littlefoot, I'm so proud of her... and I'm also proud of you, my son."

"Thanks... it's true that my mother saved me from Sharptooth," Littlefoot said hesitantly, some darkness mixing into his voice. "However, maybe she would have never had to save me if I didn't wander off the herd back then..."

Bron gave his son a sad smile. "Oh Littlefoot, there's no reason to blame yourself. Look at me... I should have been there to protect you two but I was somewhere out there searching for the Great Valley. I've blamed myself for her death so many times but eventually I realised that there are things in life we can't change. We can only try to accept them the way they are and move on. Call it fate if you want but things happened... Most bad things also have a bright side to them, you know?"

"Yes... I know exactly what you mean," Littlefoot responded. "If  Sharptooth hadn't killed my mother, I would have never met my friends."

"And I would have never become a herd leader," Bron smiled. "They're like family to me, y'know?"

"Yeah... just like the dinosaurs that live in the Great Valley..." Littlefoot agreed.

There was a short moment of silence  between the two Longnecks until Bron spoke up again.

"Well, should we go on with the storytelling?" he requested carefully. "Of course I can understand if you'd rather not."

"No problem, I can continue the tale if you like," Littlefoot answered, lacking enthusiasm which, however, soon returned to him as more pleasant memories replaced the grief he was still feeling when he thought of his mother.


The little Longneck was resting on a small ledge in front of a small pond. He had been lucky to stumble upon some water in a hostile landscape such as the one he found himself in. All alone, he had to go on the journey his mother and grandparents were supposed to go with him together. Now it was only him, a defenceless hatchling without any orientation where he was or where he was going, who was left.

After he had drunk enough water, he simply sat down, staring into the clear water of the pond, dully. Once the surface had calmed, he could see his own reflection staring at him. A sad face, a face that was marked by hours and hours of crying for his fallen mother, a face that was just as indifferent about the world as he currently was. He was at that point where he honestly wouldn't mind if Sharptooth had got him too.

He kept on staring at the very same spot on the water until his vision became blurry but he wasn't actually looking at his reflection but at an imaginary picture that lay behind the visible layer. That was a much better place than the cruel reality he was locked in. In his world, there were no Sharpteeth who could have killed his mother. They were playing at a wide river surrounded by wet grasslands and tall forests and then he joined a group of young Longnecks that seemed to be his age..

*splash*

Any other dinosaur would have been alerted by the sound of something diving into the water but not Littlefoot. Even when the unknown swimming object chose to move towards his general direction, it didn't catch a quantum of his attention. Eventually, something green jumped out of the water, landing on the ledge Littlefoot was resting on. It had jumped out of the water just at the spot Littlefoot had been staring all the time but he was so deep in trance that he hardly noticed that, instead of his reflection, he suddenly had a little green creature standing in front of him, eyeing him with big eyes full of curiosity and hope, carefully edging closer.

"Hello," exclaimed the green creature happily, looking at him expectantly but Littlefoot merely shifted his head ever so slightly.

"I said hello!" the creature repeated, talking louder this time.

Reluctantly, Littlefoot allowed a small part of his mind to return back to reality. The fact alone that he hadn't been able to escape reality completely made him so sad that a single tear formed in his eye, rapidly rolling down his cheek. The creature – it was a female Swimmer hatchling as far as he could tell, followed his tear with her eyes curiously.

"What is your name, huh?" she questioned again, receiving no answer from the griefing Longneck yet again.

"Hmm, maybe you cannot talk yet, huh, huh?" the little Swimmer wondered.

Littlefoot couldn't help but fully pay the little, green creature in front of him his attention now.

"Longnecks don't talk to... ehh whatever you are..." Littlefoot shrugged her off, thinking about the words of the scary, old Threehorn as he spoke. He was pretty sure the creature was a Swimmer but he had never seen a Swimmer before so he thought it was better to act as if he didn't know.

"I am a Longneck, see?" the little Swimmer declared, stretching her neck as much as she could to make it appear long. "And I have a looooooooong tail, just like you," she added, also stretching her tail but soon she got tired from stretching. Littlefoot's critical glance was upon her.

"Alriiiiiight..." she admitted. "I am not a Longneck, I am a Bigmouth, yes I am."

Littlefoot had heard the term "Bigmouth" before so he concluded it was simply another word to call a Swimmer. He had to admit that her beak was indeed kind of big.

"But I am all alone, I am..." Suddenly the girl turned very sad, her eyes becoming tearful. Littlefoot got curious now.

"I lost my family in the big earthshake..." she sobbed.

"Do you wanna come with me?" Littlefoot asked carefully. He kinda liked the positive attitude of the Swimmer. When he figured out that they were in the same situation – without a home, without a place to go and without anybody they knew and loved, he knew it would be better to stick together despite the difference between their kinds. He admitted that he was sick of being all alone with his dark thoughts.

The eyes of the little Swimmer grew big as she heard Littlefoot's words.

"OH YES!!!" she screamed in extreme joy, performing a jump that catapulted her high in the air compared to her size. Realising that she might have been a bit too overexcited, she dimmed down her voice a bit.

"Oh, hehehe... oh yes, yes, yes, I do,I do!" she added, chuckling and nodding encouragingly.

"Alright, come on!" Littlefoot told her. "But you have to keep up!" he warned.

"I will keep up, I will!" the Swimmer promised with a smile. She was so happy not having to wander around on her own with someone to talk to even if it wasn't one of her kind.

"Where are we going?" the Swimmer wondered while humming.

"I'm going to the Great Valley, you can come with me," Littlefoot adressed the Swimmer again.

"Do you think my family went to the Great Valley too?" The girl wondered.

"Hmm..." Littlefoot pondered for a second. "Maybe, my mother said that's where all the herds are going."

"Oh I hope, I hope, I hope!" the Swimmer exclaimed hopefully.

After a few steps, he decided to introduce himself properly.

"My name's Littlefoot!"

"And my name is Ducky, yes that is what it is, yep, yep, yep!" the Swimmer spoke up, laughing.

For the first time since he had lost his mother, Littlefoot had something to distract him. And now he also had something in mind – a goal to reach: The Great Valley!



"...So that's how I met Ducky, the Swimmer." Littlefoot finished. Now he gave Bron some time to react.

"Ducky sounds like somebody you can have... lots of fun with," Bron guessed, a little unsure. Of course he didn't like Ducky at all but she sounded like somebody very well suited for Littlefoot if she was a Longneck herself.

"She really helped me to feel better," Littlefoot admitted. "Because... Ducky is playful and always optimistic. That's just what I lacked back then..."

"Yeah, I see..." Bron muttered.

"Well, soon after I found Ducky, I also found another friend of mine..."


"Do not touch the cracks, Littlefoot!" Ducky announed merrily as they walked across the mostly barren land. The land was so dry that the Bright Circle had completely dried out the ground, making it hard as rock. The high difference in temperature during the day when it was unbearably hot and the night when it was unbearably cold had been too much stress for the dried earth so it cracked, the cracks widening every night and day.

"Huh?" Littlefoot hadn't listened to the girl.

"I said do not step on the cracks, hehehe," Ducky who was apparently amused by Littlefoot's absentmindedness chuckled softly.

"Oh? Is this a kind of... game?" the Longneck wondered.

"Yep, yep, yep! It is a game, yes it is!" Ducky chirped as she was jumping from one block of dried earth to the next.

"Never played that one..." he admitted thoughtfully. "How's it named?"

"I do not know," Ducky answered. "Let us call it the "Do not step on a crack-game," she laughed.

"Hmm, kinda long, don't you think?" Littlefoot replied critically."

"Well, you can call it by a shorter name if you like, yes you can," Ducky suggested happily as she made an especially daring jump, barely avoiding the crack she had intended to jump across.

"Fair enough," Littlefoot said, shrugging.

"So... are you going to play too?" the Swimmer wondered.

Actually, Littlefoot didn't feel up to it at all but he guessed it probably wouldn't make things worse so he agreed to Ducky's invitation.

"Well, why not..." he answered grimly. "Though you have an advantage, Ducky."

"Huh? Do I, do I?" Ducky wondered, almost stepping on a crack.

"Your feet are smaller and you only have two..."

"Oh, that might be true, yes, yes, yes..." Ducky admitted. "However, this game is not about winning, it is about..." Ducky failed one of her more daring jumps, landing directly on a crack which gave in due to the impact so her leg got stuck.

"... it is about... not losing, yes it is..." The girl grinned innocently. "I think I am stuck now, yes I am.."

"Need a lift then?" Littlefoot grinned, pulling her out.

"Thank you very much!" Ducky gave the Longneck a friendly smile.

"Okay, then let's go!" Littlefoot called, beginning to jump with more or less success. His feet were simply a tad too big.

"Hehehe, your name is Littlefoot but your feet are not very little, no, no, no," Ducky laughed.

"Yeah... I guess." Littlefoot shrugged.

"Well, just try your best at not stepping on too many of them then," Ducky suggested brightly. It was this positiveness of Ducky that made him like the small Swimmer so much. In the matter of merely an hour or two, he already felt so comfortable around her as if she had always been at his side, travelling to and through terra incognita.

Soon, Ducky started humming a random melody.

"Du-dubi-du... dappadappadu..." Suddenly, she started hopping through Littlefoot legs who had spread them to avoid stepping on a crack unsuccessfully. He laughed.

"Dippidappadi-dapadu, do not step on a crack or you will break your back!" Ducky sang merrily. Then, all of a sudden, her stomach started rumbling loudly.

"Hmm, my stomach is talking," she stated in amusement.

"Yeah, mine too," Littlefoot confirmed, finally noticing his huge hunger he had been supressing until now. Just as it occured there was a palm tree right ahead of them. The green food didn't look very tasty but it would feed them so Littlefoot started pulling on the palm to remove the thick leaves.

"Hmm, wonder what this tastes like..."

"Arrrrrrrrrgh!" Something abruptly shouted  high up in the tree, scaring Littlefoot for a moment.

"The tree is talking!" Ducky realised in a mixture of curiosity and surprise.

"No it ischin't!" Littlefoot retorted in a muffled voice.

"You should not eat talking trees, nope, nope, nope," Ducky adviced cheekily.

Littlefoot continued to pull on the food that seemed to resist his attempts to eat it the more he tried until...

A small stick-like creature came sliding down the palm branch Littlefoot was pulling on. While screaming, it slid right into the Longneck's snout.

"AHHHHHHH!!!" he screamed, letting go of the branch as if he had tried to chew on lava. The branch which the creature was still clinging to, was abruptly swinging back into its previous position before the Longneck had started pulling it. The creature was flung off the tree due to the high speed of the branch. It sailed through the air until gravity won against momentum. With an audible thud, it crashed into the ground full force, breaking through it.

Ducky, who had hidden behind Littlefoot, was the first to approach. Peeking into the hole that had opened up, she soon spotted a rather terrified little Flyer in it.

"Who are you, huh?" she questioned kindly.

"M-m-my name Petrie..." the Flyer stuttered shakily though at least he seemed unhurt to Ducky. After all he took quite a drop...

"Petrie huh? Funny name!" Ducky laughed though it was in no way derogative.

"I f-flied?" the Flyer suddenly asked excitedly, hope sparkling in his eyes.

"No, you fall-ed," Ducky answered, imitating the grammatical incorrectness of the Flyer.

"No, I falled... ohohoh..." the Flyer wailed in disappointment.

"You cannot fly? Then how did you get way up there?" Ducky interrogated the Flyer.

"I climb," Petrie stated.

"But you're a Flyer, not a Faller..." Littlefoot remarked sceptically.

"Yes, it hard to fly..." Petrie admitted, imitating it to the amusement of the two.

"Hehe, we can't do it," Littlefoot snickered, Ducky also joining in.

"Nope, we cannot do it alright," Ducky agreed, smiling warmly at the Flyer. Then a thought occurred to her.

"Hmm, Littlefoot? Can Petrie go with us to the Great Valley? Can he, huh?" she requested, giving the Longneck a sweet look.

"Well..." Littlefoot thought about this for a second. Unlike Ducky, Petrie didn't seem that big of an addition to the team since he was disabled but if Ducky had grown fond of him... "Yeah, why not..."

"Yay, come along Petrie!" Ducky shouted in joy.

"Thank you bunches!" Petrie stuttered, following after Littlefoot and Ducky.

"So... are you all alone too, are you?" Ducky asked carefully.

"Me only one left..." Petrie responded with grief in his voice.

"Well, make that three of us..." Littlefoot spoke somewhat grimly but Ducky's general attitude soon managed to brighten up not only Littlefoot's mood.



"So... he's a Flyer who can't fly?" Bron questioned as if mocking his son.

"He learned how to fly eventually, don't worry," Littlefoot assured though Bron remained kind of reserved.

"Very well... what happened next?" he questioned.

"Well," Littlefoot cleared his throat. "We eventually stumbled upon Cera, the Threehorn I told you about, later that day while wandering through a creepy forest with lots of dead trees... Cera was pretty scared because she claimed to have met Sharptooth in the underground. Of course I thought it was nonsense back then but I was wrong... she narrated the story to us much in the way I'm telling you this story right now. Ducky was impressed by the story of course and Petrie got scared while I was actually quite mad at her for telling us things which are not true – again, it later turned out that she WAS right... The whole situation kinda led to the discovery of the fifth member of our group..."


"AHHHHHH!!!" Ducky screamed as she darted through the air. By accident, Cera had catapulted her high into the air and now she was sailing through the air, trying to avoid crashing into trees. Despite the danger of this, Ducky actually enjoyed the whole situation. For once, she was flying! Kinda... much rather she was as long as her momentum kept her high up in the sky. Soon, she began losing height, the ground approaching way too fast for her liking.

"Oh no, no, no! I am going to get hurt!" Ducky realised, considering the drop. It was just at this moment, however, that she saw the huge leaf. Stretching her arms, she managed to get hold of it, slowing her fall considerably. Landing on yet another leaf ensured that she got back to the ground rather safely.

"That was too close, yes it was..." Ducky sighed, dusting herself off. Still it had been fun.

"Ducky!" Ducky heard Littlefoot call in the distance, apparently worried about her whereabouts. Ducky was just about to call back when she suddenly heard another noise right next to her that quickly woke her curiosity. Snoring. It seemed to originate from a small area with tall grass.

"I wonder... is anybody in there?" Ducky thought to herself so she carefully peeked into the tall grass.

"Hello-hoh..." she said in a sing-song manner, amazed to see an egg that was bigger than her.

"Hello?" she repeated when no answer came, except for snoring, that was. The Swimmer crawled around the egg curiously, inspecting it.

*crack*

Suddenly, the top of the egg popped, revealing the head of a hatchling peeking out of his egg timidly. Ducky was watching this with utmost interest. When the baby saw Ducky, it quickly retreated back into the shells of its egg.

"You should come out, you should!" Ducky proposed to the egg. "You're late, yes you are, yep, yep, yep!" Ducky was now standing on the egg, waiting for the hatchling to finish hatching. Soon, she couldn't hold back her curiosity anymore and removed the top of the egg.

"Come out!" she exclaimed. "You are all alone, are you not scared-ed, huh?" The hatchling's head finally craned out of the egg,  curiosity in its eyes. However, it simply yawned and fell on its back, falling asleep again. Ducky began tearing off the remaining egg shell.

"We are going to the Great Valley, you can come with us, yes you can," Ducky offered kindly. Then she finally realised what kind of dinosaur she had just seen hatching.

"Ehhh... you are a Spiketail, so we will call you Spike!" Ducky announced happily, retreating as the Spiketail began eating his nest. Then he fell asleep again.

"Ducky!" Littlefoot's voice echoed across the landscape.

"I am over here!" Ducky shouted. Soon the group had caught up with her.

"There you are!" Littlefoot sighed in relief.

"Yes, and lookie what I found!" Ducky exclaimed in joy, pointing at the sleeping form of Spike.

"A sleeping Spiketail hatchling... wow," Cera grunted sarcastically.

"Well, hatching must be very tiresome, yep, yep, yep," Ducky chuckled warmly.

"I too young to 'member hatching," Petrie piped up.

"Can we take Spike with us? Oh please, please, please?" Ducky begged, looking at Littlefoot in particular.

"Spike? What a Spike is?" Petrie asked.

"That is his name, dummy, hehehehehe," Ducky responded, laughing.

"Well, I think he'll be a burden, slowing us down and eating our food!" Cera argued.

"But Cera, he is all alone, yes he is!" Ducky retorted. "He is like us, he is on his own and needs some company."

"Why how do you even know?!" Cera screamed. "For all we know, the parents could be right around the corner!"

"What parent would leave their egg undefended?" Littlefoot reasoned. "There are so many things out here that would just eat them..."

"Well, I'm voting no!" Cera shouted, glaring at the Longneck threateningly.

"I want him to come along, yes I do!" Ducky retorted fiercely. "What about you, Petrie?"

"Er... well, me not sure. Both of you got point," Petrie answered uncertainly.

"Littlefoot?" Ducky begged.

"Well, it's up to me I suppose..." the Longneck sighed. "Alright, if you manage to get him to follow us and keep up, we will take him along," Littlefoot replied.

"WE?!" Cera boasted.

"You don't have to come along..." Littlefoot shrugged.

"Spike, wake up!" Ducky shouted, trying everything to wake up the Spiketail but all efforts failed. The Swimmer was almost considering to resign but then another thought hit her. One thing she noticed besides his sleepiness was his huge appetite so she looked around nearby until she found a few berries.

"How is this going to wake him up???" Cera interrogated Ducky.

Ducky didn't respond but concentrated on her task. As soon as she held the berries close to the Spiketail's snout, he started sniffing and snapping his mouth after them.

"Hmm, that not wake him up but it make him follow?" Petrie concluded.

"Apparently..." Littlefoot mused.

Spike got to his feet, Ducky having to sprint away to avoid the Spiketail from eating her berries.

"Well, he's still sleeping!" Cera ranted but Littlefoot with Petrie on his head had already began to move.

"Yeah, but he's moving so let's go!" Littlefoot exclaimed, going after Ducky.

Reluctantly, the Threehorn followed.



"For once I must say the Threehorn had a point..." Bron spoke. "He was a burden for you..."

"How do you even know, dad? You weren't with me on this journey!" Littlefoot replied.

"He wasn't of any use for your group, or was he?" Bron said, testing Littlefoot.

"Even if he wasn't, how can you leave a hatchling all alone to get eaten by sharpteeth sooner or later?!" Littlefoot retorted. "That would have been morally wrong!"

"Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in life..." Bron spoke darkly. "Sometimes you have to let down others in order to ensure your own survival. Spike was only another mouth to fill and he wasn't useful to your group as a hatchling that just hatched!"

"Well we all made it, didn't we?" Littlefoot remarked. "And besides, he did help us when we were fighting Sharptooth!"

"Well, I can't blame you for making that decision at your young age, Littlefoot," Bron declared though actually he felt quite the opposite. "Would you continue with the story now?" Bron requested. He wanted to hear the actual exciting part about Sharptooth.

"Sure but tell me first: Is this enough information about my friends now?" Littlefoot answered.

"Yeah, it is. Go on please..."

Littlefoot recollected his thoughts, then he picked up the story again...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, took me long enough, huh? Here is the continuation of the storytelling plot and as you can probably tell, there will be a part three of that plot in the near future :p

So... any thoughts?  ^^spike


The next chapter will be about the other plots that are going on again. Hopefully not worth a 6 months wait again lol  :bang
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on June 10, 2016, 10:13:47 PM
Yay! I was wondering when I'd get to read more of this :smile

Great so far! I love how you're showing more of Bron's character through his reactions to the story, and the way you've translated the scenes from the film into text is simply brilliant! Just enough added description to make it unique :) Can't wait to read more!

Just one spelling correction-
Quote
Landing on yet another leaf ensured that she got back to the ground rather savely.

"Savely" should be "safely."
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on June 11, 2016, 02:02:54 PM
Ah now this was a pleasant surprise!  Another chapter of Shorty's Dark Past.  :)

The continuation of the story here certainly is depicting some differences between Littlefoot's and Bron's conceptualizations of the situation.  Bron, as seen before, is quite a bit more reserved about Littlefoot's non-longneck friends.  Additionally, and of quite a bit of interest, is that Bron viewed Spike as a burden on the group, agreeing with Cera's past characterization of the situation in the process. From a utilitarian perspective this is undoubtedly true, however I suspect that Bron's main criticism here is not really about the utility of the decision.  After all, Bron took on longneck children even though they were a burden... why would he view granting Spike the same care as the wrong decision unless Bron had an inherent bias against non-longnecks...

This chapter had certain been very interesting.  :yes I eagerly look forward to seeing how Bron reacts to the rest of the story.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 11, 2016, 03:17:20 PM
Quote
Yay! I was wondering when I'd get to read more of this Dino_grins.gif
Quote
Ah now this was a pleasant surprise! Another chapter of Shorty's Dark Past. smile.gif
Yeah, sorry about the wait. I didn't have a lot of motivation to write something that I basically already know  :rolleyes: I'll dry [EDIT: LOL what a typo :bang]to prevent this from happening again...

Quote
Great so far! I love how you're showing more of Bron's character through his reactions to the story, and the way you've translated the scenes from the film into text is simply brilliant! Just enough added description to make it unique smile.gif Can't wait to read more!
Thank you, I've used flashbacks this time as opposed to telling the story directly. I think this is the better approach... Glad you liked these flashbacks, they were actually a lot fun to write once I got started  :smile

Quote
Just one spelling correction-
QUOTE
Landing on yet another leaf ensured that she got back to the ground rather savely.


"Savely" should be "safely."
Whoops, thank you pointing out ;)

Quote
The continuation of the story here certainly is depicting some differences between Littlefoot's and Bron's conceptualizations of the situation. Bron, as seen before, is quite a bit more reserved about Littlefoot's non-longneck friends. Additionally, and of quite a bit of interest, is that Bron viewed Spike as a burden on the group, agreeing with Cera's past characterization of the situation in the process. From a utilitarian perspective this is undoubtedly true, however I suspect that Bron's main criticism here is not really about the utility of the decision. After all, Bron took on longneck children even though they were a burden... why would he view granting Spike the same care as the wrong decision unless Bron had an inherent bias against non-longnecks...
Good analysis there ;) Yes, I think Bron is just trying to hide the fact that he despises his friends  :lol Well, you gave me some inspiration for a future scene with that paragraph so uhh thanks  ^^spike

Quote
This chapter had certain been very interesting. in-yes.gif I eagerly look forward to seeing how Bron reacts to the rest of the story.
You will see... ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 13, 2016, 04:26:07 PM
Just remind me never to promise that the next chapter will be up soon. Something always gets in the way, I swear :lol

Anyway, against earlier statements of mine, I've abandoned my plan to keep the story-telling limited to the more interesting parts. Even though this is almost a sub-story by now, I'll retell the whole first movie (or rather, most of it) but it'll have a few changes here and there so it'll still be unique + it'll make a little more sense here and there ;) Besides, if I keep my current motivation to write (again, no promises :p) that won't take very long either. Wrote two thirds of this just today :yes

Anyway, enjoy the chapter. I certainly hope it was worth the waiting :)

~~~~~~

Chapter 46


Looking for food, water and a place to stay the night, Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike followed the path of the Bright Circle day after day. While there were small ponds or streams here and there, food or shelter were nowhere to be seen.

Within a few day's time, Littlefoot had estalished himself as the leader of their group of five. Ducky had followed him ever since they met, believing that Littlefoot knew where to go since she didn't at all, Petrie was simply glad that he had somebody to protect him, Spike was just strolling along anyway since he didn't know it any other way and Cera, despite criticising the Longneck, accepted his decisions since she, too, didn't know where the Great Valley was, where she might see her family again if they made it.

In spite of the fact that they had formed this group purely out of the mutual need for protection and company and in spite of their differences in species, they had developed a loose friendship although Cera usually stayed for herself. After befriending Littlefoot right away, Ducky had also grown fond of the constantly nervous Flyer. Besides, she kind of felt responsible for Spike, who had grown in size significantly since his hatching. It was him who often carried her on their long journey and it was him who always stayed at her side at night. Petrie would sometimes get on Littlefoot's nerves but the Longneck slowly began to like Petrie too. He also liked Cera, who had been his first playmate ever, sort of. Cera didn't like anybody out of the group however but that didn't keep her from journeying with them and doing whatever was necessary to reach the Great Valley.

The lack of food, however, didn't help to improve things...

"Littlefoot, I am so hungry..." Ducky quietly complained from the back of Spike whom she constantly had to urge to keep going. "Do you think we will find some food soon, do you?"

"I hope so, Ducky, I hope so..." Littlefoot responded, sighing. When Ducky was beginning to lose her optimism, things really were bad. His stomach was growling dangerously and his strength was slowly decreasing but he urged himself on. If he didn't find food, who would?

"My tummy so empty it hurts!" Petrie voiced up sadly. Strengthlessly, he was resting on the Longneck's head carrying his treestar as usual.

"So you don't know where to find food?" Cera inquired, eyeing Littlefoot from the side.

"No..." Littlefoot admitted. There was no sense whatsoever in denying that. "I mean... how should I know? I've never been anywhere near this place."

"Then how do you think we are going to find the Great Valley if you can't even find something to eat?!" Cera ranted. "Besides, do you know exactly where to go?! You haven't been to that oh so great valley before, have you?!"

"Cera do not be mean..." Ducky sighed.

"That's right, I've never been there but I was told how I can find it, Cera. " Littlefoot took a deep breath, ignoring the increasing headache that always got worse when the Bright Circle was burning down onto them in the early afternoon. Arguing with the Threehorn wouldn't get them anywhere so he chose not to argue back.

"Guess nobody told you how to find food?!" Cera continued. "We'll be dead before we arrive at the Great Valley!"

"Why you not search for food?" Petrie remarked. "You only complaining but you no help!"

"Yup, if you think you can find food better than me, go ahead," Littlefoot spoke calmly. "If you can't, stop complaining and help me look for some. Complaining won't fill our bellies, that's a fact..."

"I do not think the food will look for us either, nope, nope, nope..." Ducky mentioned, shaking her head.

"Guess what I'm doing all day..." Cera grunted gruffly.

"Com...plaining?" Petrie wondered hesitantly.

"Looking for food!!!" Cera screamed – so loud that her words were echoing from the walls of the nearby rocks. "Why don't you fly up high and look for food instead of making silly comments!?"

Petrie shifted uncomfortably.

"Oww, could you argue a little quieter?" Ducky requested, massaging her head.

"If I had found some food, I sure as hell would've gone there already! Humpff!" Cera demonstratingly looked away from everyone and continued walking in pride.

"Well, at least we have water..." Littlefoot sighed.

"Yep, yep, yep..." Ducky agreed tiredly. It was a small consolation that they had found a narrow stream the other day, following it ever since although they weren't exactly following the path of the Bright Circle anymore. Littlefoot knew that water was very valueable. At least they didn't have to worry about going thirsty too. Moreover, it helped them cool off their feet during the hot afternoons and he seemed to recall his grandparents mentioning that food only grew where there was enough water. Thus, he concluded, it couldn't be too bad a decision to pursue the water on its way.

"Uhh Flathead?" Petrie, who still had some difficulty remembering the Longneck's name, piped up uncertainly.

Littlefoot sighed.

"Yes, Beakbrain?"

"Me not trying to say bad thing but... do you know where we going?" Petrie questioned awkwardly.

"Neither of us does, Petrie..." Littlefoot sighed. "We are still very young... too young to go on a journey without our families but..." Littlefoot was fighting the tears that were about to form in his eyes. "But we have no choice but to do that anyway... I'd rather fail trying than not trying at all."
A few days ago, he had thought the very other way, Littlefoot noted and he was goddamn glad Ducky saved him from his depression.

"But your mother told you where to go!" Ducky reminded him kindly.

"Yes, Ducky, but that still doesn't mean I know exactly where to go. It's more like a general direction we need to follow..."

"Oh lovely, we're lost!" Cera grunted dismissively.

"My mother said we have to follow the Bright Circle to where it touches the ground every day."

"Well, then we'd have to turn to the left!" Cera shouted.

"I think right now it's more important that we find food, Cera..." Littlefoot explained. "It's no use when we starve on the way..."

"Water means life my mummy always says, yes she does!" Ducky spoke wisely.

"Yes maybe..." Cera admitted. "But I still don't get how we should find the Great Valley by simply following the Bright Circle???"

"Well, there are landmarks on the way," Littlefoot answered patiently. "As soon as I spot one of them, I know we're on the right way."

"Well, what if we don't?" Cera inquired.

"Cera, that kind of talk isn't helping..." Littlefoot sighed. "We can't do more than trying to find it..."

"Look at it this way..." Ducky spoke up. "If we follow the way that Littlefoot's mother has told him, then we have a chance to find it, yes we do! But if we do not, we are simply walking anywhere..."

"Yes, me get what you say, Ducky," Petrie chimed in. "We go Littlefoot's way, if we not go his way we lost anyway."

"Exactly... if we simply go anywhere, we'll never find our families. If we try to find the Great Valley going my way, at least we have a chance! And if we don't find it, we can still try going another way..." Littlefoot explained to the group.

"Even if you cannot find the Great Valley, I will still stay with you, Littlefoot, yes I will!" Ducky affirmed with a smile. "And who knows.. maybe we find another place that has enough food and water where we can stay?"

Littlefoot nodded, giving Ducky an appreciative smile.

"That's the kind of talk we need now," he stated. "Let's just keep going. Sooner or later, the water will lead us to food I hope."

"Well, we don't have a choice..." Cera grunted, picking up speed and walking in front of the others who followed – tired but determined not to give up.



"There's one thing I should point out, son," Bron spoke up.

"Yes, dad?"

"You see, I think you were a better leader back then than Shorty is today..." A slight chuckle came from Bron.

"So you think I did the right thing there?" Littlefoot wondered.

"Of course you did, following the water is never a bad idea," Bron affirmed. "I wonder how you eventually found food... you did find something, didn't you?"

"I probably wouldn't be telling you the story right now if I didn't," Littlefoot chuckled. "We really did find food soon..."


A little later:

"Hey what's that sound?" Littlefoot wondered, looking at the others.

"Me no know..." Petrie shrugged.

"Oh, that must be a waterfall ahead of us, yes it must!" Ducky shouted excitedly.

"What that?" Petrie asked dumbly.

"It is when water flows down a very steep mountain and it is preeeeeeeeeeeeetty!" Ducky answered lyrically.

The group soon reached the waterfall and climbed down the steep mountain. Luckily, it mostly consisted of several stairs which they could simply jump down from. As soon as they had arrived at the bottom where the splashing water was almost forming a sort of fog, Littlefoot noticed that something had changed though he couldn't quite figure out what it was. It was a subconscient feeling he couldn't explain so he didn't let anybody know about his suspicions. After walking some more distance, the feeling became clearer and tangible. Then the smell reached his nostrils. It was faint and distant but his roaring stomach had probably sensibilised his nose a lot.

"Guys, I think I smell something!" Littlefoot suddenly announced. Bowing down to the surface of the water, he intensely sniffed the air to identify the smell further. Ducky also crawled down his neck. Together with Petrie, the Swimmer helped her friend sniffing, while Cera and Spike walked on.

"Kinda smells like... LIKE FOOD!" Littlefoot realised. He raised his neck, sniffing the air up high where the water didn't overlay with the other smells so much. Ducky and Petrie had fallen off Littlefoot's neck, taking an unvoluntarily bath in the stream. Petrie continued to sniff the air.

"Hmm... me smell... me smell, me smeeeeelll... hmm, Ducky." The Flyer looked at Ducky who was apparently amused by his answer.

"You smell me? Heheheheh!" Ducky chuckled.

"I smell water, I smell... GREEN FOOD!" Littlefoot finally announced excitedly.

That got everyone's attention. Ducky and Petrie quickly hopped out of the water, catching up with Cera and Spike walking ahead. Spike was so tired from the journey that he felt like falling asleep right on the spot – not even the possibility of finding something to eat soon could motivate him to keep going. Cera sniffed the air, very concentrated as if to double-check whether Littlefoot was right or just beginning to go nuts. She had to admit (with a slight sigh) that Littlefoot was still sane. She could smell the food as well. But where could it be?

"Green foooooooooooooood!!!" Cera abruptly yelled as she spotted a green spot behind a formation of rocks ahead of them.

Now even Spike was taking a sprint towards the rocks. The narrow river they had been following since the other day, apparently entered a small oasis where a bunch of trees with lots of green leaves grew.

"The Great Valley!" Littlefoot shouted in joy.

"I found it, I found it!" Cera constantly bragged as the group entered the almost cavern-like rock formation. Apparently, the stream had carved a hole through the rocks when it was carrying more water in previous days before the leaves began to die.

"Cera stop!" Littlefoot demanded, half because Cera got on his nerves and half because he feared that the noise would make the rocks fall from the ceiling.

Suddenly, as if on command, the ground starting shaking violently. Littlefoot had only once experienced this force when he lost his mother. He knew what was coming this time.

"Earthshake, we need to get out of here!" the Longneck shouted, knowing that while Cera's yelling didn't make the ceiling crash onto them, a violent earthshake could do that easily when considering that it could also move the land around and divide it. At this moment, Littlefoot began fearing for the lives of every member of the group, even for Cera who constantly got on his nerves.

As the shaking and rumbling increased, the group hurried towards the exit of the little cave structure they found themselves in. Only Spike appeared to be frozen on the spot in fear – apparently, he had never experienced an earthshake in his life yet.

"Spike, do not stop!" Ducky shouted at the Spiketail in order to get him moving but to no avail. Spike was petrified – pulling and pushing him to move didn't work. Ducky's mind was split, should she abandon the Spiketail and save herself or should she keep trying to rescue him, risking her own life? Suddenly, she saw a herd of Longnecks break through a wall in a stampede and ducked in order to avoid being trampled to death. The others, too, saw them coming and hid as best as they could.

Littlefoot was already beginning to relax, knowing that they were not facing yet another devastating earthshake that could easily take their lifes when he began to realise where the herd of Longnecks were heading. Once they had all stormed past them – all of them were able to avoid being trampled, Cera was the first to utter what everybody was secretly thinking.

"They're eating our food!"

Indeed, the five children could watch the food disappear into the mouths of the Longnecks.

"Look! Look what they're doing! They're so greedy! What about ME?! I'm still hungry!!!" Cera ranted.

Littlefoot had to admit her rant was justified for once. They were really eating up all the food he could see from up there.

"You hungry?!" Petrie retorted, annoyed about the Threehorn only talking about herself again. "I am empty from all the way to the top! Now we at Great Valley and still got no green food... we be hungry forevers!" Petrie started wailing on the ground, all his hope to find the Great Valley lying in ruins.

Littlefoot couldn't fault Petrie for his reaction, however he was wrong in one aspect.
"Oh Petrie, Cera's wrong, this isn't the Great Valley," Littlefoot explained to the Flyer, trying to comfort him.

"It is not a great anything, nope, nope, nope..." Ducky spoke sadly – even she wasn't able to hide her disappointment.

The Longnecks were apparently done with their feast, slowly moving on, away from the group of children. The once so green oasis now didn't look much different than all the dead forests they'd been wandering through. Littlefoot himself wasn't very enthusiastic but he knew he had to do something so he announced with a sigh.
"Well, we better go down and see if there's anything left..."



"So let me sum to it, you found food but a herd of Longnecks beat you to it?" Bron questioned, not able to suppress that he found this to be quite amusing despite the gravity of the situation his son had been in back then.

"Yeah, that sums it up," Littlefoot affirmed neutrally, neither upset nor amused about his dad's reaction.

"Then how did you get food?" Bron wondered.

"They left some food for us," Littlefoot answered. "I don't know if it's true but I think they left it for us on purpose... or why else would they leave exactly one tree unharmed? They must have noticed us..."

"Unlikely in times like these that dinosaurs cared about anything alse but their own survival," Bron spoke. "But like you said, it's the best logical explanation for this. Carry on."

"Sure. I was half fearing the others wouldn't even follow me down to the oasis but everybody came along..."

"What a sad sight..." Littlefoot thought as he and his compagnions stood in front of what used to be an oasis filled with green food.

"Littlefoot, I really do not want to doubt your decision but do you really think that there is something left for us?" Ducky approached him carefully.

"Well, we won't know until we've checked if there's something left, Ducky," Littlefoot sighed.

"Oh, I hope so, I hope so..."

"So me do..." Petrie agreed weakly.

They entered the little forest, heading for the central part of it that they couldn't have a look at from their current and previous perspective.

"So this is not the Great Valley, eh?" Cera teased sourly.

"No, it can't be," Littlefoot assured. "The Great Valley is said to have food in abundance, this place here had only enough food for a herd of Longnecks."

"Who leave nothing for us!" Petrie shouted in agitation.

"Yeah, my dad hates Longnecks more than any other kind and so do I. They eat all the food and they care only about themselves!" Cera complained.

"Littlefoot cares about us, Cera, yes he does!" Ducky shouted indignantly.

"Indeed I do! And if I may point out, you only care about yourself too!"

"Shut up, Flathead!" Cera hissed, walking ahead of the group like she always did after arguments.

"Anyway, this can't be the Great Valley. There are two landmarks we still haven't encountered." Littlefoot explained, ignoring Cera.

"What are they?" Ducky asked curiously.

"My mother told me we have to walk past a rock that looks like a Longneck and past the Mountains That Burn."

"Oh I hope we do not have to walk past them close, oh no, no, no..." Ducky exclaimed.

"Me no think about it, too scary," Petrie shuddered.


After they had almost reached the other side of the forest, their spirits lifted when they finally saw a tree that still had some leaves for them.

"Green food, we are saved-ed, yes we are!" Ducky exclaimed in joy.

"Yeah, but how we get food? Food is high up in tree?" Petrie mentioned.

"Petrie, do you think you could, ehh, fly up there and..." Littlefoot requested but Petrie vigorously shook his head.

"No!" he shouted.

Ducky knew that Petrie was afraid of heights which was why he couldn't fly. She tried to encourage the poor Flyer who was shaking in fear of being forced to fly up there to get the food.

"Petrie, do not feel sad," she spoke softly. "It is alright, many things do not fly. Rocks, trees, sticks... and Spike."

Petrie wasn't quite convinced though.

Littlefoot looked upwards towards all the food, drooling and licking his lips in anticipation. Surely, the food would be enough to fill all of their bellies for at least a day. But how could they reach it when Petrie couldn't? It was out of reach even for him who was the tallest of the group. However, if he added the heights of the others to his own height...

"If we work together, we'll be tall enough to reach it!" Littlefoot encouraged.

"Well, I won't believe that 'till I see it!" Cera teased. "I can get the food easily but you try first." She made a grimace, pleased of herself.

"It'll only work, if you help us, Cera," Littlefoot explained but Cera refused. They tried anyway. Petrie climbed onto Littlefoot's head. The Longneck started climbing the tree, lifting the Flyer,  whose teeth were rattling in a mixture of fear and anticipation, as high up as he could with his long neck so he could somehow reach the leaves and throw them to the ground. He used his hindlimps to stand on the ground while using his forelimps to hold on to the tree to gain extra height. He didn't know if that'd work beforehand but it seemed like he could stand like that for a while. Ducky now started climbing the back of Littlefoot until she arrived at his head as well, raising Petrie a little higher. The Flyer began feeling really uneasy due to the increasing height. The fact that standing on Ducky's back was much more unstable than standing on Littlefoot's head added to his growing fear. Moving up to her head, he lost his footing for a second and, thereupon, hung on to Ducky's head in extreme fear.

"Hey!" Littlefoot shouted.

Ducky rose Petrie again.

"Ducky, push Petrie towards the branches!" Littlefoot instructed. They had almost reached the food, even without the help of Cera. Now they only needed a little push to reach the food...

Spike approached the tree, then he began pushing Littlefoot, Petrie and Ducky upwards using his head.

"Alright, Spike, not too fast," he instructed the Spiketail.

However, against Littlefoot's instructions, he rose much too fast as he took on the same pose as Littlefoot, almost causing their little tower to fall apart.

"Hey, not too fast! Not too fast!!!" Littlefoot uttered sounds of displeasure, Ducky and Petrie were surprised by the sudden lift, screaming. However, they didn't fall, the tower stabilised again.
Petrie looked down to the ground, realising just how far up in the tree he was. It gave him the chills so he, again, clung onto Ducky with all his might which caught Ducky in surprise, causing her to scream.

Meanwhile, Cera sat underneath them, laughing her butt off, smacking her paw into the ground several times while mocking them.

"You four look so ridiculous!" she snickered, continuing to laugh at them.

Littlefoot didn't mind the Threehorn much. Instead, he tried to stretch his body high up towards the leaves again in order to allow Petrie to reach them. Indeed, the Flyer got hold of some of them and started ripping them down the tree with his eyes closed so they fell to the ground. Petrie soon couldn't reach any further leaves so he and Ducky started climbing into the tree to continue ripping the other leaves from the tree too.

They made quick progress but, unfortunately for them, Spike eventually couldn't withstand the smell of the fresh, green leaves anymore that were constantly raining down from above. His hunger was killing him so he started snapping at them and ended up disconnecting with Littlefoot, whose legs thrashed around, seeking something to cling to. He clung to the tree but soon slid down into the pile of food that had accumulated already. Petrie was still high up in the tree as well as Ducky who was the only reason he could master his fear of heights at this point. As long as the Swimmer was up there with him, he felt much less uncomfortable. However, now they couldn't get back down. They had removed most of the leaves from the tree.

"Ducky, Petrie, come down here, we've got green food!" Littlefoot called happily.

"We trapped up here!" Petrie retorted, fear overwhelmimg him.

"Jump and glide down!" Littlefoot adviced. "The leaves should catch you!"

"Me can't do that!" Petrie screamed in fear. However, Ducky knew how to encourage him.

"I will jump down, Petrie, and I will be alright, yep, yep, yep!" Suddenly, she gave him a peck on the cheek and jumped, the pile of food catching her much more softly than the leaves that caught her when Cera catapulted her through the air. Having arrived at the ground savely, she shouted.

"And if I can jump down and be alright, you will be even alright-er when you glide down, yes you will!"

Petrie had his doubts about this but what choice did he have? Swallowing hard, he spread his wings and jumped... and fell like a stone.

"Fly, Petrie, you got both wings!" Ducky cheered for him.

Rapidly, he tried to trash his wings around to stop his descent but it didn't work.

"Open your wings, Petrie!" Littlefoot yelled.

Petrie didn't know how that was supposed to work but he did so anyway, trusting his friend and it worked! His fall got instantly reduced to a soft descend (the others tried to keep him in the air by blowing air upwards to give him more updraft) and he almost didn't feel his body landing on the pile of green.

Ducky hugged Spike and Littlefoot warmly, then she looked at Petrie who was still recovering from his "flight".

"I flied?" he asked, filled with hope.

Ducky didn't want to discourage him but she also wanted to tell him the truth so she combined both masterfully.

"Well... you did not fly yet but..." she pulled Petrie into a loving hug. "You did much much much better than last time, yep, yep, yep!"

Petrie returned the hug, Ducky was always so kind towards him no matter how bad he was as a Flyer.

"Next time you'll do even better until you can fly like a Flyer, yep, yep, yep," Ducky whispered.

"Well, let's eat!" Littlefoot declared, taking a mouthful of food. Ducky and Petrie soon disengaged and started to eat (and Spike had long since started to eat anyway).

Cera, in the meantime, was watching them – her face displaying deep anger. Once Petrie had reached the food, she had stopped laughing and the more food he and Ducky threw to the ground, the angrier she got. She had predicted it wouldn't work so she would have had to get them food and be praised for that. But now she stood there like a fool! Secretly, she creeped away from the group. However, Littlefoot soon noticed that she wasn't taking part of their dinner and approached her.

"Come, Cera, we've got green food!" he invited her but Cera only snapped at him violently.

"I can get my OWN food!" Angrily, she started smacking her head against a nearby tree, trying to shake the leaves loose.

"What she doing there?" Petrie quietly wondered.
"That tree does not have any food, oh no, no, no," Ducky stated matter of factly. She couldn't suppress a slight chuckle.

Littlefoot had returned to the group in the meantime.

"Shouldn't we help her?" Ducky suggested.

"Well, she won't take our food..." Littlefoot sighed.

"Then make her believe she got it herself..." Ducky replied with a playful smile.

"That good idea, you very smart, Ducky," Petrie praised her.

Littlefoot instantly got Ducky's line of thinking. Grabbing a mouthful of food, he carefully sneaked towards Cera, always making sure that the tree she kept headbutting was blocking her view. Then he threw it down to her at just the right time. Cera was too fixated on the food to realise it had been Littlefoot.

"See, I can get my OWN green food!" she bragged as was to be expected.

"Why you help her, she only mean?" Petrie wondered when the Longneck was back at "their" pile of food.

"Well, she's easier to endure when she's bragging about how good she is at getting her own food than when she's constantly snapping at us," Littlefoot explained. "And besides, we all know who really got the food, don't we?"

The group chuckled in amusement.

"No matter what, we need to work together if we want to reach the Great Valley," Littlefoot elaborated. "Cera may be mean and annoying but she's very strong.... maybe that'll be handy at some point... anyway, we should find a place for the night, it's getting late."

After they all had stuffed their bellies with as much green food as would fit into them, tiredness rapidly lay upon them. At the edge of the forest, Littlefoot spotted a deep hole in the ground that would serve their purpose just perfectly. Previously, they had mostly slept in the open since there was nowhere to hide on their way. It had surprisingly got much darker than Littlefoot first thought. The Bright Circle had already disappeared behind the horizon.

"Let's sleep over there," the Longneck suggested.

"I sleep where I want!" Cera declared defiantly. "I don't need any of you and I'm not afraid of Sharptooth!"

"Sh-sharptooth..." Petrie's eyes filled with fear and Ducky quickly sought the protection of Spike, luring him to the sleeping spot Littlefoot had picked for them.

"I hope he doesn't eat any of you..." Cera teased with an almost evil grin.

"Don't worry, there's no Sharptooth," Littlefoot calmed the minds of the two smaller dinosaurs.

Cera picked her sleeping place a little distance away on a small rock that gave her a good overview over the area while Littlefoot, Ducky, Petrie and Spike climbed down into the little hole that'd hide them from any curious eyes. Littlefoot lay down on the ground tiredly, closing his eyes, hoping to find sleep before the memories of his mother would start haunting him again.

Ducky was so tired that she hardly kept her eyes open while crawling down into the hole. She found Littlefoot, nestling up with him.

Littlefoot smiled. They had never slept together before. Only Ducky had slept at Spike's side, everybody else had picked their own sleeping spots until now. But the experience that day had made the bond that sealed the group together much tighter than before.

Petrie quickly joined them as well, crawling across Littlefoot's face ineptly before resting on his head.
With a loud thud, Spike entered the pit as well, placing himself next to Littlefoot. Ducky's tail bent around Spike's snout and within moments they were all sound asleep... together.




"That day I learned how important teamwork can be," Littlefoot concluded, looking up at Bron, waiting for a reaction.

"That's true, son," Bron replied. "It's the reason, why dinosaurs form herds. Even though it takes multiple amounts of food to keep everybody fed, the mutual support and protection outweights that by far. Moreover, four eyes see more than two."

"Exactly," Littlefoot replied.

"I'm amazed how you were able to stand that Threehorn though, she makes me angry just hearing about her," Bron admitted. "Moreover, I'm amazed you're still friends nowadays."

"She changed a lot since then," Littlefoot explained. "I mean, she can still be an ass sometimes but she did learn the lesson of teamwork and, over time, grew a bit softer. You'll hear about that soon, dad."

"Right, let's continue, Littlefoot," Bron spoke, continuing to listen to his son's stories.

~~~~~~~~~~

Well, there you go ^^spike

As you can see, I made a scene, that was originally meant to be kept rather short and it turned into a 5000 words chapter :p I really hope that you've still enjoyed the read and, especially, my interpretation of these few minutes of the first movie, analysed by Bron ^^ I've changed a few details and added some small scenes to improve the flow of action (which was due to scenes that were supposedly cut there) and fix a few minor logical issues that the movie had.
Now not to discourage you, the next chapter WILL be the last storytelling chapter, no matter how lenghty that'll turn out to be (I originally meant to make the rest of the storytelling one chapter but that one would have exceeded 10000 words by far :p Remember we still got the fight between Littlefoot and Cera (Bron's reaction will be interesting, as somebody already wrote in a previous review ;)), the discovery of the Great Valley, the rescue of the Gang and the killing of Sharptooth to cover and I believe that each scene will have some potential for Bron to react to ^^spike)
Don't worry, the actual story you've grown to love will continue after that and I hope I won't leave you hanging too soon :p I'll certainly focus on this one until I've written at least one regular chapter before working on my other projects again (among other, a LBT short story is in progress ;))
As always, if you find mistakes, don't keep them but point them out and tell me what you think about the story and don't be afraid to say negative things if there are any to point out (if you do, please do it in a way though that is constructive and not bashing ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on August 13, 2016, 08:38:59 PM
Excellent! As always, I'm happy to read more of this tale. The elaborations on the first movie add a lot to the characters' feelings and growth, and I can't wait to read the next chapter :D
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: The Lone Dragon on August 13, 2016, 09:02:41 PM
Very well Done Ducky. You've really captured the personalities of the characters on this chapter and the retelling of their adventure is indeed very unique and a very good read. Bron's reactions are certainly interesting, I almost felt that he was getting to appreciate The Gang after they had worked together to get food, Littlefoot seems very anxious about Bron, worried perhaps that his father won't approve of his friends. Anyway it was a very engaging read and I can't wait to see the next chapter come up. Keep up the good work.  ^^spike
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on August 14, 2016, 12:43:20 AM
Very nice! The emotions and struggles of the characters has been captured quite well in your latest chapter, as was Littlefoot's understandably unique take on the whole ordeal.  I am most curious to see how the fight with Cera will go considering Bron's already not-so-favorable opinion of the threehorn described in the story.  I am also looking forward to how Bron views Littlefoot's sighting of his mother's spirit in the clouds.  I look forward to the next installment.  :)

As for revisions, there are only two passages that might use a small adjustment:

Quote
"So let me sum to it, you found food but a herd of Longnecks beat you to it?"

'So let me sum it up' would be the correct turn of phrase in English.

Quote
"Anyway, this can't be the Great Valley. There are two landmarks we still haven't encountered." Littlefoot explained, ignoring Cera.

'...we still haven't found.' might be a better choice of words, as 'encountered' seems a bit too complex of a word for young Littlefoot to use that often.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 14, 2016, 09:50:33 AM
Quote
Excellent! As always, I'm happy to read more of this tale. The elaborations on the first movie add a lot to the characters' feelings and growth, and I can't wait to read the next chapter biggrin.gif
Thanks! :D I'll try to write the next one asap :yes

Quote
  Very well Done Ducky. You've really captured the personalities of the characters on this chapter and the retelling of their adventure is indeed very unique and a very good read. Bron's reactions are certainly interesting, I almost felt that he was getting to appreciate The Gang after they had worked together to get food, Littlefoot seems very anxious about Bron, worried perhaps that his father won't approve of his friends. Anyway it was a very engaging read and I can't wait to see the next chapter come up. Keep up the good work. land_before_time8_disneyscreencaps_com_2484_by_rockingscorpion-d9nxkr0.png
Thanks, yeah Bron certainly did approve of the teamwork. Littlefoot has just begun trusting him but is that going to stay that way? ;)

Quote
Very nice! The emotions and struggles of the characters has been captured quite well in your latest chapter, as was Littlefoot's understandably unique take on the whole ordeal. I am most curious to see how the fight with Cera will go considering Bron's already not-so-favorable opinion of the threehorn described in the story. I am also looking forward to how Bron views Littlefoot's sighting of his mother's spirit in the clouds. I look forward to the next installment. smile.gif

As for revisions, there are only two passages that might use a small adjustment:

QUOTE
"So let me sum to it, you found food but a herd of Longnecks beat you to it?"


'So let me sum it up' would be the correct turn of phrase in English.

QUOTE
"Anyway, this can't be the Great Valley. There are two landmarks we still haven't encountered." Littlefoot explained, ignoring Cera.


'...we still haven't found.' might be a better choice of words, as 'encountered' seems a bit too complex of a word for young Littlefoot to use that often.
Thanks! Yeah, I will certainly include that scene as well, will be fun to write for sure :)
Also thanks for the suggestions, I will change the sentences. The first one must have slipped through my proofreading :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on August 26, 2016, 03:34:22 PM
Hello to my readers, I've been thinking about a few things concerning the last few chapters of "Shorty's Dark Past" which are, admittedly, quite different from the rest of the story because they're mostly about Littlefoot reliving his experiences from the first movie in great detail (because it's a ton of fun to write that :DD). By the time I've finished this LBT 1 arc, it'll make at least a forth of the total word count of the story at this point (total wc is slightly above 100000 words now, just crossed the border this week) and the chapter to come, telling the rest of the LBT 1 arc, is already at 9500 words as of right now (just finished the fight between Littlefoot and Cera so still a lot more to cover!)
Now I do know that you all probably want the actual story arc to continue (so do I by the way), after all this is "Shorty's Dark Past" and not "LBT 1 retold" :p so here's what I've been thinking about doing and I'd like to hear your opinion about this because you're the people I write this for, mostly  :lol

I'm thinking about turning the whole LBT 1 arc into an individual fanfiction (-series, who knows? :p), writing some scenes in even greater detail. So these scenes would be removed from Shorty's Dark Past as a result. I would like to keep Bron's reactions to the adventures of Littlefoot however and I think I already know how to do it in a much shorter way that'll still have all of Bron's reactions in it (I might, as a result, focus on these reactions a little more instead of what is actually told). It will require me to rearrange the last few chapters though but that won't be much of a problem and a great opportunity for you to reread these scenes since I'll need to post the updated chapters again ^^spike

So what do you think about this? I've already talked to somebody about it who's a really good writer and he said it's a good idea, but I need more imput :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 23, 2016, 06:05:09 PM
Well, nobody posted here but people gave me lots of input in private. I've decided to do what I announced. I've almost finished writing the LBT 1 part of the story and now feel ready to continue with the actual SDP story  :angel Sorry for making you wait.

This week, two (revised) chapters will be posted. After that there will be new content ;)

So... here's a highly revamped chapter 44 (I kept 43 as it is since it's mostly written interactive with Bron, not as a flashback). Had to split it up though :p chapter 45 will have two short new scenes already ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 44:

Silence. Littlefoot had interrupted his story telling. He was by no means capable of going on now after painfully reliving his mother's last moment. Even the distant sound of chattering dinosaurs seemed to have been muted temporarily. Only the wind was blowing, a mild breeze touching their bodies.

"Oh Mother..." Littlefoot was on the edge of sobbing, moisture was forming in his eyes, blurring his vision.

Suddenly, huge drops of water impacted the ground. Littlefoot looked upwards to see his father crying.

"Dad?" the little Longneck spoke up softly. The fact that his dad was crying kind of helped him shake off his own grief.

"Thank you, Littlefoot, thank you..." Bron whispered. "I admire your strength at this young age. You are my son..."

"And you are my dad..." Littlefoot spoke silently. Bron's reaction wiped away every little bit of doubt Littlefoot had in him. Bron was his dad, there was no question about that anymore. Littlefoot felt strongly connected to him for the first time since they both shared the pain of losing the most important dinosaur in their lives.

"Thank you very much, son," Bron choked, not hiding his tears. "You can't imagine how important it is for me to finally know how my mate spend her last moments. She died protecting you. Only through her efforts, I now have the opportunity to meet you at last, Littlefoot, I'm so proud of her... and I'm also proud of you, my son."

"Thanks... it's true that my mother saved me from Sharptooth," Littlefoot said hesitantly, some darkness mixing into his voice. "However, maybe she would have never had to save me if I didn't wander off the herd back then..."

Bron gave his son a sad smile. "Oh Littlefoot, there's no reason to blame yourself. Look at me... I should have been there to protect you two but I was somewhere out there searching for the Great Valley. I've blamed myself for her death so many times but eventually I realised that there are things in life we can't change. We can only try to accept them the way they are and move on. Call it fate if you want but things happened... Most bad things also have a bright side to them, you know?"

"Yes... I know exactly what you mean," Littlefoot responded. "If Sharptooth hadn't killed my mother, I would have never met my friends."

"And I would have never become a herd leader," Bron smiled. "They're like family to me, y'know?"

"Yeah... just like the dinosaurs that live in the Great Valley..." Littlefoot agreed.

There was a short moment of silence between the two Longnecks until Bron spoke up again.

"Well, should we go on with the storytelling?" he requested carefully. "Of course I can understand if you'd rather not."

"No problem, I can continue the tale if you like," Littlefoot answered, lacking enthusiasm which, however, soon returned to him as more pleasant memories replaced the grief he was still feeling when he thought of his mother.



"Who are you?" Ricky instantly released an imaginary sigh of relief. "Shorty doesn't recognise me!" He was lucky that his colours had changed quite a bit through the years. When he and Shorty last saw each other their skin-colours were pale. Now they were much stronger and darker. On top of that, their voices had changed; they were sounding less like a child but a little more mature and deeper though not like an adolescent's voice yet...

"Name's Ralph," Ricky lied. It was all part of his great plan – pretending to be somebody he wasn't. He belonged to Hart since he was the one who fathered him in the first place. Serving his purposes was the least he could do to show some gratitude. Therefore, Shorty also belonged to him so he hadn't been entitled to run away... Ricky wasn't sure if Hart, was he aware of his actions, would want him to do what he was planning to do but he assumed it so he carried out his plan...

"Whazzup buddy?" he exclaimed coolly, grinning at the green Longneck in front of him who gave him a reserved look.

"What do you want?" Shorty grunted suspiciously. He was full aware that he wasn't supposed to talk to anybody due to being grounded but if people were dropping by without asking for permission he thought he might as well be allowed to chase them off... The first impression the blue Longneck by the name Ralph made on him wasn't exactly positive either so he was actually quite in favor of projecting his anger on unsuspecting and unfamiliar targets... such as him.

"Easy pal, why so rude?" Ricky sneered with false outrage. "Was jus' sayin' hello, y'know?"

"Name's Shorty..." Shorty snarled, giving Ricky a cold glare. "You do know that this area is only free to enter for members of my father's herd?"

Now Shorty entered the terrain of lying as well which was his element, frankly...

Ricky's level of excitement rose when he realised he indeed stumbled across his brother. He almost failed to hide it but caught himself in time.

"Aww, c'mon! You probably made that up anyway!" Ricky snorted. "Ain't you got friends, bud?" he then insisted with some amusement. He knew too well that he didn't have any friends either but tried to act like the cool guy he wasn't, not needing any friends.

"Again I ask you, what do you want?" Shorty growled, more vicious this time, anger building up within him.

"Man, what's wrong with ya?" Ricky teased. "I'm being kind and you sound like you wanna kill me!"

"If you were kind, you'd answer my question..." Shorty remarked with a growl.

He had a point. Maybe he should tell Shorty what he wanted? Well, what he pretended to anyway...

"Besides, you were asking if I had any friends but you're wandering around all alone too? Suspicious if you ask me, Ralph..." Shorty pointed out. "And what were you doing here in this lonesome forest anyway!? There are more populated areas here y'know?"

"'Kay, if you insist..." Ricky spoke, piqued. "I jus' arrived here, y'know, so I was exploring this neat lil' place when I ran into you. Thought I should say hello, y'know, like a well-behaved Longneck does. Oh, and I DO have friends. They were just too cowardly to come here so it's just me and my dad. Stupid of 'em if you ask me. Who knows what we're here for? There must be a reason..."

The stranger's response didn't help Shorty to build any trust but at least he didn't seem to be up to anything so he'd tolerate his presence for the time being. "That's less boring than just doing nothing!" he noted. He could still chase him off later... "Fair enough..." he simply replied.

"Wanna join me exploring the valley, mate?" Ricky then proposed. "Or got something better to do?"

That put Shorty into a tricky situation the outcome of which highly depended on his response. Of course he could simply say "yes" and go along. Nobody from the herd was watching and if anybody asked where he was, he'd just say he'd gone to the watering hole to drink. Surely he was allowed to meet his daily needs... Besides, Bron was busy talking to his replacement, Littlefoot. He wouldn't notice him either if he sneaked away. Still, Shorty knew it'd save him a lot of trouble if he just stayed where he was supposed to be; still, it was against his pride to admit that he was grounded. What should he do?



"...So that's how I met Ducky, the Swimmer." Littlefoot finished, having just told his father how the incredibly curious form of Ducky had approached him and instantly cheered him up. The Longneck had been severely depressed after the death of his mother, his life reduced to indifference about literally anything - even food! Ducky had managed to remind Littlefoot of the mission that he had: Finding the Great Valley… and Ducky would join him on this long journey! Now he gave Bron some time to react.

"Ducky sounds like somebody you can have... lots of fun with," Bron guessed, a little unsure. Of course he didn't like Ducky at all but she sounded like somebody very well suited for Littlefoot if she was a Longneck herself.

"She really helped me to feel better," Littlefoot admitted. "Because... Ducky is playful and always optimistic. That's just what I needed back then… somebody who would tell me that everything would be alright even if it was not going to be… and who could make me smile even when I was crying." Somewhat hesitant, he added. "Well, and it also didn't feel nearly as terrible at night because I was no longer the only one to cry myself into sleep… Ducky missed her mother just as much… though at least she still had a chance to reunite with her…"

"Yeah, I see..." Bron muttered.

"Well, soon after I found Ducky, I also found another friend of mine..."



Yuyun was dosing in the warm rays of the afternoon sun when she heard a familiar, warm voice greeting her.

"Hello Yuyun," Ali spoke warmly. "Sorry if I woke you up..."

"Ali, what a surprise!" Cho's mother replied in joy, rising to her feet. "Don't worry, dear, I was just relaxing. We all need a break every now and then, especially after this demanding journey." The grown-up chuckled to herself. "Anyway, what are you doing here? I take it you want to see my little one again?" She gave Ali a warm, knowing smile.

"Oh yes, I'm indeed here to visit Cho again," Ali replied. After all, she had to make up for all the time she neglected the friendship horribly... "On the one hand, I'm just curious how she's doing;" the young girl spoke. "She's sleeping, isn't she?"

Yuyun nodded. "Sleeping like a rock since you came over in the morning..."

Ali emitted a short laughter. "Haha, so I thought." Turning more serious, she added. "On the other hand though I feel like I have to make up for the time I spent with Shorty, neglecting Cho who was so kind towards me when I was injured and weak..."

"Oh Ali, you know Cho doesn't blame you for that and neither am I," Yuyun assured the young girl.

"I know, still I feel like I should be there for her now," Ali responded. Littlefoot is talking to Bron right now anyway so it's the best thing I can do to visit Cho right now."

"Fair enough," Yuyun admitted. "You know, Ali, Cho actually told me about you after she made friends with you..."

"She did?" Ali asked curiously.

"Yes, she usually never talks a lot about these things," Cho's mother mused.



Yuyun laid on the rocky ground, resting her legs after hiking across the mountains. Bron had called it a day in the afternoon since the place offered some safety and enough space for all members as well as a narrow stream with crystal clear water.

When she saw her adopted daughter Cho returning to her just around the dawn of night, she instantly noticed the happy face she was wearing.

"Hmm, now that's interesting. She's hardly ever like that..." she puzzled. Usually, Cho was always kind of melancholic, depressed or just unsocial and odd but she still loved her little one. Moments like this were rare so she got very curious what made her so happy...

"Hello dear, what have you been up to today?" Yuyun asked her adopted daughter warmly, smiling at her lovingly. Usually, the little girl wouldn't answer her this question but today seemed to be different.

"Hello Yuyun," Cho greeted her adopted mother as formally as ever. "I think I have met a new friend. She is really kind. Kind of like a big sister I never had..."

"A friend?" her mother exclaimed in surprise. "Why dear that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you! What's your friend's name?"

"It's Ali," Cho replied. "Tomorrow I will meet her again if I can and introduce you to her, she is really kind."

Yuyun felt a deep pleasure as she heard her daughter telling her the news. She had never been able to find a friend; the other kids wouldn't play with Cho though she didn't exactly try to get engaged in their games. She rather played on her own so it was quite some developement of her.

"I would love to meet your new friend, Cho," Yuyun reassured.

"But Yuyun?" Cho suddenly asked.

"Yes dear?"

"Please don't be shocked when you see her. Ali is the girl we rescued in the desert."

"Oh, that is who you made friends with?" Yuyun was quite surprised about that.

"Yes, you see... I saw her and for some reason I knew she would be different than all the other kids. I was totally right. She's really like me... in a way..."

Yuyun didn't comment on that further. Instead, she nuzzled her daughter gently who didn't object at all (sometimes she would).




The next day, she got to meet Ali indeed. Yuyun was just glad her injuries healed so quickly. She still remembered how terrible her skin looked due to the excessive sunburn.

"Well, do you think I can try to talk to Cho again?" Ali asked. She really wanted to talk to her again as she had just remembered how kind a soul the little girl was when she talked to her in the morning.

"Sure, let's see how our sleepyhead is doing, shall we?" Yuyun chuckled. "I'm just glad she made it and I'm sure she'll be fine in no time just like you, Ali."



"So... he's a Flyer who can't fly?" Bron questioned as if mocking his son after he had told him about his run-in with Petrie who had been hiding in a tree he was trying to eat which lead to a rather unpleasant encounter. He and Ducky soon realised that he was a very welcomed addition to their duo though.

"He learned how to fly eventually, don't worry," Littlefoot assured though Bron remained kind of reserved. "He may be very nervous and easily scared but he's a very good friend and always makes us laugh with his antics," Littlefoot explained then. "Moreover… he's quite an advantage to have around during adventures since he can see things from above."

"Which you do quite frequently?" Bron raised an eye-brow.

Littlefoot nodded, uncertain whether to feel proud or guilty about that.

"Very well... what happened next?" his father questioned with mild curiosity.

"Well," Littlefoot cleared his throat. "We eventually stumbled upon Cera, the Threehorn I told you about, later that day while wandering through a creepy forest with lots of dead trees... Cera was pretty scared because she claimed to have met Sharptooth in the underground. Of course I thought it was nonsense back then but I was wrong... she narrated the story to us much in the way I'm telling you this story right now. Ducky was impressed by the story of course and Petrie got scared while I was actually quite mad at her for telling us things which are not true – again, it later turned out that she WAS right... The whole situation kinda led to the discovery of the fifth member of our group..."



"Should I be a coward? Should I be daring? Should I disobey Bron?" Shorty just didn't know... but then a thought occurred to him. "Why am I caring for somebody I barely know when I'm not caring for others I know too well?" In other words, why should he risk the truce with Bron for that idiot? Why should he try not to lose his face in front of somebody he didn't know? Surely, it wouldn't help restoring the little self-esteem he still had but it wasn't exactly someone he cared about. In front of Ali, he would've gone with Ralph to show her how daring he was. However, Ralph wasn't Ali so his decision stood.

"Sorry, but I can't," Shorty spoke outright. He really did mean it. Even though Ralph appeared to be a jerk, he was still better company than his shadow or his reflection in the water. "Honestly, I'm technically not even allowed to talk to anybody right now."

Ricky, remembering hearing about Shorty hurting other children, quickly realised he'd have a better chance to keep the conversation going if he didn't act like a jerk this time. Nothing would be gained if he made his brother dislike him or even wake his anger that he already felt earlier.

"Grounded, eh?" Ricky questioned, attempting to sound empathetic though he wasn't so sure if he succeeded.

Shorty nodded, swallowing down his pride. He prepared himself in case Ralph had in mind to make fun of him.

"Ah, that's uncool..." Ricky replied, trying to sound sorry. "Don't worry buddy, I've been there too. Your dad's as strict as mine then?" Ricky was really curious now. Who was that "dad" his brother was referring to? Surely, it wouldn't be his actual dad?

Shorty, being quite surprised by the boy's reaction, began to drop his surveillance. "Well, actually he's absolutely not..." Shorty admitted. With some anger, he added. "Though I don't think he really cares about me. He's just busy getting to know his real son. I don't matter anymore all of a sudden..."

"Oh..." Ricky began to like that development. "So... you've been adopted? That sucks."

"Yeah..." Shorty grunted.

"You can be lucky you were adopted though," Ricky remarked. "Most orphans just get killed out there without anybody giving a damn. My dad wouldn't give a damn anyway but that's just my dad..." Ricky suddenly realised that he had let down his guard too much. His brother mustn't figure out who he truly was..."So anyway, your dad's not strict at all?" he questioned as if nothing had happened.

"Mmh, he really isn't," Shorty replied honestly. "I usually get away with a lot of mischief. He'd scorn me but who cares?" Shorty had a feeling the other boy maybe wasn't so much different at all. He certainly seemed to be understanding of his problems.

"Then how'd you get yourself grounded when you normally get away with everything?" Ricky wondered, trying not to tease Shorty. His brother seemed to open up and he'd better make sure he'd stay on good terms with him for now...

"Well, I've gone too far this time..." Shorty sighed, annoyance and regret welling up in him.

"Oh?" Ricky decided to see if another theory of his was true. "I've heard somebody almost killed a youngling from their herd the other day when I arrived here. That wasn't you, was it, Shorty?"

Shorty was surprised to be accused of almost killing Cho, but then again he was not. The fact alone that Ralph had heard about this made him suspicious again but Shorty knew how fast gossip was exchanged when such a huge number of dinosaurs met at such a small place. He'd probably picked it up from some conversation. In fact, Shorty had done that earlier that day when he was so bored that even the most boring gossip was still more interesting than staring at something doing nothing at all all day...

"Y'know, Ralph," Shorty spoke casually. "Usually, I wouldn't tell you this since I barely know you..."

"But?" Ricky grinned. He knew he had him where he wanted him.

"But you seem to be understanding and not judgemental so I'll tell you. Maybe I'll feel better afterwards..."

"Sure thing, bro," Ricky replied, relaxed. "My dad's judging everyone right away and it sucks! Just trying not to become like him, y'know?" Again, Ricky slightly recoiled. "Too much info again..." he reprimanded himself. But it'd benefit him as long as Shorty didn't find out.

"Yeah, so... yes, I'm the one who almost killed the youngling..."Shorty admitted. "Go ahead and hate me..."

"Don't worry, why'd I hate you?" Ricky quickly answered. "Though, why'd you do this?" This question was of particular interest for the blue Longneck. If he knew how to spark Shorty's wrath without becoming its target himself, then he might even be useful in the end. And he'd enjoy manipulating him...

"Remember what I told you about my dad not caring about me anymore since he met his real son he abandoned before his hatchday?" Shorty explained. "Y'see, I was jealous of course and just generally pissed off because my girlfriend seemed to know that flathead, therefore I wasn't interesting for her either."

"You got a girlfriend? Good job, mate!" Ricky jeered.

"Not really," Shorty grunted. "As I said, she seems to like that other guy better than me." The thought of Littlefoot talking Ali away from his awoke his fury again but Shorty suppressed the urge to release it. " Anyway, so I ran away, furious. I was full of energy and I just needed to let it out on somebody... That somebody happened to be one of the annoying kids I often bully around. It's especially fun when I bully her because she's just a weirdo. Sometimes I can yell the ugliest insults at her and she'd just ignore me and then again she explodes at the littlest mention of an insult..."

"So Shorty's turned into a bully too? That's very interesting..." Ricky mused. He knew very well why Shorty became what he was now. Apparently, when somebody felt worthless, they'd lower others to raise themselves, even if these others stood no chance. Yes, that made Ricky actually quite proud. His brother wasn't the annoying brat he used to be after all.

"Anyway, when I finally caught that girl, I started beating her and I started to feel better. I lost control over myself and started torturing her. When I was done, she was bleeding so badly, that she'd have died without quick help from some herd members."

"Geesh," Ricky was sincerely shocked. "Well, I see why you did that but that was stupid!" Ricky's outrage was acted of course but deep inside he grew a little bit of respect for his brother, knowing he could technically do that to him if he wasn't careful. Ricky was of strong built, but Shorty seemed even more muscular than him, his tail in particular...

"I know..." Shorty cursed. "If anything, it made everything worse. Now everybody just views me as a threat to their children and those I care about despise me. Admit it, I'm a loser with no friends everybody hates!"

"Oh, so I was right about you not having any friends after all?" Ricky asked teasingly, forgetting that he shouldn't act like a jerk. However, Shorty took it lightly.

"Well, not anymore, Ralph..." the green Longneck sighed. "Not anymore..."

"Well..." Ricky was thinking hard. He had to find the right words now. "Looks like we both are pretty lonely right now. My friends are a bunch of eggs and your friends probably just don't understand you, not understanding why you did this, or they never really cared about you in the first place! A true friend would stick to their friends no matter what, right?" Ricky realised just how much crap he was saying but it seemed to have the desired effect on his brother. He wouldn't tell him any of this if he were still sane and if it wasn't necessary... What he was talking about right now was against his philosophy. "So..."

Shorty suddenly realised what the other Longneck was alluding to. The thought seemed a bit strange – after all he never really valued having friends nor did he ever get any until recently. "Does he want to be my friend?" Shorty wondered.

"So... wanna be friends?" Ricky offered.



"For once I must say the Threehorn had a point..." Bron spoke. "He was a burden for you..."

"How do you even know, dad? You weren't with me on this journey!" Littlefoot replied. After Ducky had discovered the new-hatched Spiketail Spike, there had been a vicious discussion about taking him along or not. Littlefoot had decided to take Ducky's advice to take him along after all under Cera's heavy criticism.

"He wasn't of any use for your group, or was he?" Bron said, testing Littlefoot.

"Even if he wasn't, how can you leave a hatchling all alone to get eaten by sharpteeth sooner or later?!" Littlefoot retorted. "That would have been morally wrong!"

"Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in life..." Bron spoke darkly. "Sometimes you have to let down others in order to ensure your own survival. Spike was only another mouth to fill and he wasn't useful to your group as a hatchling that just hatched!"

"Well we all made it, didn't we?" Littlefoot remarked. "And besides, he did help us when we were fighting Sharptooth!"

"Well, I can't blame you for making that decision at your young age, Littlefoot," Bron declared though actually he felt quite the opposite. "Would you continue with the story now?" Bron requested. He wanted to hear the actual exciting part about Sharptooth. "I don't think it's of much use to get into a fight about things that happened long ago in the past with no relevance to either of us nowadays…"

Littlefoot nodded, appreciating his father's diplomatic words.

"Sure but tell me first: Is this enough information about my friends now?" Littlefoot answered.

"Yeah, it is. Go on please..." Bron confirmed.

Following the adult Longneck's words, Littlefoot recollected his thoughts, then picking up the story again...



"Hello little sleepyhead," Yuyun cooed. If it weren't for her injuries, one could think she was slumbering peacefully. In truth, she wasn't really sleeping. In fact, it was much closer to nonconscience. "Your best friend Ali is here again to visit you, Cho."

At first it seemed like Cho would just keep on sleeping but when her mother mentioned Ali's name, she shifted ever so slightly.

"Are you awake, dear?" Yuyun wondered.

Ali observed how the little Longneck slowly shook off her unconscience, her mind slowly beginning to process the information that Ali was standing right next to her. Yawning, she slowly opened her eyes just a bit, her adopted mother's warm smile greeting her. Cho tried to return the smile but failed at it since pain erupted in her head. Instead, her features were contorted into a grimace of pain.

"Are you alright, Cho?" Ali spoke softly, a spark of worry in her voice.

Hearing Ali's voice, Cho's motivation to fight the drowsiness in her head increased, and the pain was suddenly a lot easier to endure. Cho tilted her head towards Ali, relying on her hearing sense. Then she opened her eyes again, this time much wider. Ali's bright, blue eyes met her – her friend was smiling at her.

"Hello again," Ali spoke, smiling.

Cho returned the smile even if it was hardly noticeable.

"I'll leave you girls alone now, okay?" Yuyun voiced up, knowing that Cho didn't like having too many other dinosaurs around her. She could have a talk with her once Ali left.

"That's fine," Ali replied.

Cho nodded slightly.

"Have fun!" Yuyun tweeted before turning around and resuming her late afternoon sunbath.



"There's one thing I should point out, son," Bron spoke up.

"Yes, dad?"

"You see, I think you were a better leader back then than Shorty is today..." A slight chuckle came from Bron. Littlefoot, in his opinion, had made a very smart decision back then when he had decided to follow a stream of water even though it didn't exactly lead him the way he needed to go. Water and food had been more important at the time… and where there was water, there was likely to be food.

"So you think I did the right thing there?" Littlefoot wondered.

"Of course you did, following the water is never a bad idea," Bron affirmed. "I wonder how you eventually found food... you did find something, didn't you?"

"I probably wouldn't be telling you the story right now if I didn't," Littlefoot chuckled. "We really did find food soon..."



Shorty considered his options. He knew he was technically not even allowed to talk to Ralph but he also realised the chance Ralph offered him here. Shorty still didn't fully trust him but he trusted him enough to hang around with him. If Ralph didn't hate him for what he'd done, maybe that was Shorty's chance to make a fresh start? Besides, Shorty had learned to value friendship when he met Ali. A friend was better than no friend. Maybe Ralph could even turn out to be somewhat useful to him?

"Are you serious?" Shorty responded carefully. "Nobody wants to be friends with a loser like me..."

"Aww, don't worry bro. You're alright. Really." Ricky reassured.

"And you don't mind that I can't leave this place for some time?" Shorty inquired. "I won't be able to do anything fun!"

"Well, you could always sneak off..." Ricky offered.

"No, I won't." Shorty had already made up his mind about that. "If I show my dad that I'm trying to redeem myself, behaving and not causing any fuzz, then he might lift the punishment. He usually isn't one to hold a grudge for very long..."

"Fair enough, I'd just be glad if I had somebody here I can consider a friend," Ricky explained. "So... my offer still stands. Wanna be friends, Shorty?"

"Well, I don't see why we shouldn't..." Shorty replied. Then he grinned at Ricky.

"Great!" Ricky exclaimed, surprised how easy it was to act like a good guy. He even kind of enjoyed it... kind of.

"Well, I'd better buzz off before we're caught chattin' ," he then called happily. "I'll drop by again tomorrow around this time, 'kay?"

"Sure, seeya!" Shorty replied, smiling. Maybe this day would start his redemption. It'd take him weeks, if not months, and he probably really had to change, not just pretend to do so. Yet Shorty felt like he could succeed. He already had a good idea what to do in the near future...



"So let me sum it up, you found food but a herd of Longnecks beat you to it?" Bron questioned, not able to suppress that he found this to be quite amusing despite the gravity of the situation his son had been in back then. They had managed to discover a small oasis filled with enough green food for all of them but a herd of Longneck had rushed by, almost trampling them in their mad stampede. When they were done, the once so green oasis was devoid of food.

"Yeah, that sums it up," Littlefoot affirmed neutrally, neither upset nor amused about his dad's reaction.

"Then how did you get food?" Bron wondered.

"They left some food for us," Littlefoot answered. "I don't know if it's true but I think they left it for us on purpose... or why else would they leave exactly one tree unharmed? They must have noticed us..."

"Unlikely in times like these that dinosaurs cared about anything else but their own survival," Bron spoke. "But like you said, it's the best logical explanation for this."

"Well, there's another theory of mine why there was one tree left when we arrived there but… I'll get to that later," Littlefoot quickly mentioned casually.

"Okay, carry on then," Bron requested, returning to his relaxed, lying position to listen closely to what his son had to tell.

"Sure. I was half fearing the others wouldn't even follow me down to the oasis but everybody came along..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, nothing new except for the rearrangements (believe me, it took a while to do that :o). What do you think about the changes? Let me know, I'll have another chapter up this week  ^^spike

Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on October 24, 2016, 01:17:06 AM
I quite like the revisions. :yes  Written as revised it allows for the plot of the story to flow much more regularly, while still showing the main points (and Bron's reactions) to Littlefoot's tale.  This greatly benefits the pacing of the story, and prevents the reader from getting lost in the plot.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: ADFan185 on October 26, 2016, 10:53:17 AM
Same I liked how you wrote this chapter I was hooked on it.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on October 30, 2016, 06:32:39 AM
Quote
I quite like the revisions. in-yes.gif Written as revised it allows for the plot of the story to flow much more regularly, while still showing the main points (and Bron's reactions) to Littlefoot's tale. This greatly benefits the pacing of the story, and prevents the reader from getting lost in the plot.
Thanks, I was hoping to achieve something along the lines of that :D We want pure SDP chapters again, right? ^^spike
Quote
  Same I liked how you wrote this chapter I was hooked on it.
Thanks, I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter :)

Alright, so here's the second updated chapter. Enjoy :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 45:

The two girls watched the grown-up Longneck leave. Only when she was out of hearing range, Cho spoke up.

"Hello Ali." Her voice was weak but not nearly as croaky as it had been in the morning. "I didn't expect you to visit me again so soon..."

Cho's ability to form full sentences again greatly relieved Ali. This time, they would be able to have a longer chat.

"Well, I was spending most of the day with my friend Littlefoot but now he's talking to Bron so I thought I'd come over again," Ali explained.

"Littlefoot?" Cho asked. "Who is that? I don't remember any Longneck of this herd by that name. And why is he talking to our herd leader, Ali?"

"Oh, your memory doesn't fail you, Cho," Ali chuckled. "You see, Littlefoot is someone I met long ago when I was travelling to the Great Valley with my old herd. We had lots of fun and a really cool adventure, he's really nice!" Ali's gaze became very dreamy.

Cho couldn't help but chuckle despite the pain it caused her to do so. Even though she had absolutely no idea about these things, she just knew what Ali felt there.

"I'll introduce you two tomorrow when I visit you again, Cho. I'm sure you'll like him!"

Cho didn't particularly want to meet a dinosaur she didn't know but she knew that Ali would greatly appreciate it if she didn't act like the unsocial creep she usually was. Though in a strange way, she knew she would get along with Ali's friend when Ali was with her.

"Okay, I'm curious," Cho replied. "Though, what does he have to do with our herd leader? Why is he talking to him?"

"Oh right... You see, Cho... you probably know that Bron had a son he never found?" Ali started to explain.

Cho nodded slightly.

"Well... Littlefoot..."

"He is his son?" Cho suddenly piped up in excitement.

"Why yes, good guess!" Ali exclaimed in surprise.

"Hey, that totally makes sense..." Cho suddenly thought out aloud.

"What?" Ali wondered. She just hoped Cho wouldn’t talk in riddles again like last time.

"Did Shorty oww..." Cho froze when her excitement got the better of her. She had moved her body around just slightly but was instantly greeted by a tsunami of pain.

"Oh no, are you okay?" Ali was quite worried about her friend now. She didn't want to imagine what pain she went through right now...

Cho took a while to respond. "I... think so..."

"Don't move yet," Ali advised. "I'm already glad you can talk. That's more than I hoped for. Just make sure you don't cause additional pain."

"Don't worry, Ali... I will not move... again," Cho replied.

"Oh I still don't get why Shorty hurt you like that!" Ali suddenly shouted at noone in particular. Seeing her friend suffer while trying to stay strong without whimpering enraged her. Cho didn't deserve that. Ali was amazed that the intense pain didn't make her cry. She would've cried when she was hurt at Cho's age...

"I think I do now," Cho whispered. All the talking slowly seemed to take on her voice. "Did... did Shorty see Littlefoot?"

"Huh?" Ali was confused for a moment. "Why yes, he was right there when Littlefoot found out that Bron was his dad. So was I by the way... why did you ask?"

"Then it makes sense..." Cho gave Ali a serious look.

"What makes sense, Cho?" Ali asked, confused.

"Don't you see it, Ali?" Cho wondered. When Ali shook her head, Cho sighed. "How did Shorty react then when he found out about Bron's real son?"

Ali considered for a moment. Then realisation finally hit her. "Oh, now I get what you mean, Cho..."

"It was my bad luck that I happened to cross his path," the girl explained. "He needed a vent – that was... me." Cho's expression went dark. "It could have been anyone smaller than him..."

"Then why you?!" Ali demanded in fury. "He always picks on you the most as it is!"

"As I said, it was bad luck that he ran into me," Cho repeated. "It is true that he hates me most."

"Why?! Why you, Cho?" Ali just didn't get it and she knew the next talk she'd be having with Shorty would be a very long interview...

"I'm the only one who doesn't submit to him, Ali," Cho answered. That wasn't the full truth but it was a valid reason. She was a dreamer, an individual. She had her own, sometimes stubborn, view of the world. She wanted to do what she wanted to do and not what others told her. Of course there were some rules she had to follow that actually made sense... like staying in a herd, not wandering too far from the others, being polite and so on... Shorty's rules didn't make sense to her so she didn't care about them... which earned her Shorty's loath.

Being the awkward girl she was, she also didn't want to reveal certain things to Ali. They had always been her very own secret she'd never give away. Unfortunately, one particular dinosaur knew them anyway...

"I will not tolerate this any longer, Cho," Ali shouted, determination in her voice. "Shorty will be up against me if he ever harms you again!"

"No Ali, that doesn't seem right..." Cho retorted weakly.

"So it feels right that he's almost killed you?!" Ali couldn't help mocking Cho for her naivety.

"No..." Cho's answer was simple but Ali wasn't any wiser.

"Then what is right in your eyes, Cho?" she inquired, sighing.

Cho sighed as well.  "Nothing, Ali... nothing is."

Ali felt some anger rise in her stomach. Why couldn't Cho just say what she was supposed to say for once?!

"Again, I don't get what you mean, Cho. Sorry..." Ali admitted, swallowing her anger. "If only you were more direct sometimes, not talking in riddles all the time..."

"I'm afraid that is a part of me, Ali... I have always been like that and I don't think I can change; I don't think I want to," Cho admitted. "Let me try to explain, okay?"

Ali nodded.

"For some reason I... I just can't blame him for what he did to me... I know I should hate him, fear him, feel the desire to pay it back... but, frankly, I just feel sorry for him."

"You feel sorry for him?" Ali couldn't believe what Cho told her.

"Yes, I do," the smaller girl replied almost defiantly.

"You'll have to explain that, Cho..." Ali sighed.

"If you knew Shorty for as long as I do, then you would see what I mean," Cho explained. "You know his backstory... you know the violence and wrong views he was confronted with in his early childhood... you know how he was never formally adopted and therefore feeling unwanted sometimes, especially now that Littlefoot is more important to Bron than he ever was... you know how all the other kids in the herd didn't want anything to do with him..."

"Well, they also don't want to play with you..." Ali remarked carefully.

"Yes, but that is because I chose not to play with them," Cho explained. "I am who I am; I am different, I am weird and odd. You try to understand me, Ali. You didn't judge me because of my skin, you didn't mind that I'm a loner with no friends, you didn't mind me being much younger than you... You are what every other dinosaur I have met so far wasn't... You are a true friend, Ali."

Ali brushed all reservations she had aside. Giving Cho a look of gratitude, she gently nuzzled her cheek which the girl returned, smiling.

"Strange, isn't it? I understand how others are thinking but nobody understands how I am..." Cho mused. A particularly nasty wave of pain delayed her next words. "I can somewhat relate to Shorty, Ali. He's an orphan just like me. If he has known his mother, he will miss her." With a lot of sadness in her voice, she added. "I miss my mother too – my real mother..."

"He won't miss his dad for sure..." Ali murmured.

"At least he knew him..." Cho mentioned, her mood becoming a bit darker again.

Ali realised that Cho had probably just told her something no other dinosaur had ever got out of the Longneck with the black skin. According to Bron, she had never said a word about her family. Hinting at the situation in her family already was more than she had ever expected. Already in the morning, she had mentioned her mother, now she was mentioning her dad. Ali felt that Cho was on a good way.

"But true, he won't miss him I think," Cho admitted. "Anyway, I can also relate to Shorty because he knows what it means to be lonely. I believe it is why he became such a jerk. He wasn't important to anyone..."

"While you became the victim of the jerk even though you were in a similar situation?" Ali remarked. "Come on, Cho. You could've also become like him but you became the very opposite!"

"Shorty isn't like me, Ali," Cho argued quietly. "That's why he became what he became and I became what I became. However, I believe Shorty can change if only he has someone to whom he really matters – someone who really matters to him."

"I don't doubt he can, Cho," Ali replied. "However, he will have a very hard time redeeming himself and I'm not sure if the constant negative reactions he'll obviously still receive for a while won't make him doubt his decision..."

"We will see, Ali," Cho spoke optimistically.

"Yeah, we will..." Ali replied, not as optimistically.

*

"That day I learned how important teamwork can be," Littlefoot concluded, looking up at Bron, who had just learned about his son’s efforts to reach the food that the herd of Longnecks miraculously left for his group through teamwork, waiting for a reaction.

"That's true, son," Bron replied. "It's the reason, why dinosaurs form herds. Even though it takes multiple amounts of food to keep everybody fed, the mutual support and protection outweigths that by far. Moreover, four eyes see more than two."

"Exactly," Littlefoot replied.

“It was a smart idea to stack up, good thinking there, son,” Bron mentioned casually, a mild smile on his face.

“Thanks, dad!” Littlefoot replied happily.

"I'm amazed how you were able to stand that Threehorn though, she makes me angry just hearing about her," Bron admitted. "Moreover, I'm amazed you're still friends nowadays."

"She changed a lot since then," Littlefoot explained. "I mean, she can still be an ass sometimes but she did learn the lesson of teamwork and, over time, grew a bit softer. You'll hear about that soon, dad."

"Right, let's continue then, Littlefoot," Bron spoke, continuing to listen to his son's stories.
 
*

Now that they had finished their discussion about Shorty’s motives for attacking Cho, they had nothing to talk about anymore... or did they? After a short break, their conversation picked up again.
 
Cho stared into Ali's warm, blueish eyes. She still didn't know how she was able to endure the pain in her small body. It was always there, like something was slowly feasting on her from her inside. Yet, when Ali was around, she had something else than the terrible pain to focus on. Right now, it were her eyes fascinating her. They were exactly the colour of her mother's eyes – those loving eyes she'd first looked into on the day of her birth... those eyes so full of pain when she saw her mother fall victim to him...

"No, I mustn't think about that right now!" Cho tried to force her thoughts in another direction. Luckily, Ali spoke up just at the right time.

"You know, Cho... there's something I didn't get when I visited you in the morning..."

Cho, happy to have something else then her physical and mental pain to focus on, replied eagerly. "Yes, what would that be, Ali? I'm not sure if I was thinking straight earlier..."

"You're now at least," Ali chuckled. "Remember when you mentioned that we two have a lot more in common than I could imagine?"

Cho commissioned her brain but it refused to deliver what she needed to know. Eventually, she resigned. "I'm afraid I can't remember, Ali," Cho answered, smiling apologetically. "Did I say that before I snoozed off?"

"Oh yes..." Ali laughed. "You were half asleep already!"

"That explains it..." Cho would've joined Ali's laughter but she suppressed it to avoid the eruption of pain that would follow inevitably.

"Do you think you can remember what you may have meant when you said this?" Ali requested. "I'm sure that's one of your riddles again, isn't it?" The pink girl giggled.

"Ah yes, I think I know what I meant but I will not tell you, Ali," Cho answered after some more thinking. "This is something I had to figure out myself when I met you so you should also figure it out yourself."

"Aww, any hints?" Ali begged.

"I shall grant you one hint but no more, okay?" Cho grinned at Ali.

"Alright, what is the hint?" Ali was very curious.

Cho grinned even wider until the point where it started hurting. She knew Ali wouldn't approve of the answer. "The answer is hidden in your eyes... happy puzzling."

*

“That fool…” Ricky grinned maliciously as he retrospected his encounter with his long-lost brother. It was pure coincidence that his outer appearance had altered over time but it was what made all of this possible. Shorty hadn’t recognised him at all - it was a great relief. Things would have turned dangerous and his mission not to stir up trouble and stay unnoticed would have horribly failed.

Ricky had also altered his voice a little bit during his encounter and he had been using a speaking pattern unlike his but he doubted he’d have to keep doing that for much longer. It’d have to be a slow transition to his actual self - slow enough not to make his naive brother suspicious at least.

“Well, it’s still not quite dark…” Ricky noted as he took a short glimpse towards the sky. His mission had not been to say hello to his brother after all. He was supposed to look for those damn leaves Hart wanted and he wasn’t supposed to be back before darkness spread across the lands.

“The Bright Circle is still up on the sky but it’s not too far from disappearing either. I’ll have to do some scouting but not for very long…”

Ricky decided to give it a try even if it was seemingly pointless to do so. During his own lifetime, Ricky hadn’t seen the mysterious plant. With the drought that started to haunt the land a few years before his birth also came the disappearance of the plant, the consumption of which was more important to Hart than anything else in the world. He knew exactly how it looked like - Hart had explained him in greatest accuracy every little detail about its appearance, but he doubted he’d ever get to see it. Nevertheless, he took off, combing through the undergrowth - he owed it to his creator.

*

“Say Littlefoot…” Bron interrupted his son’s story. “I notice that you often describe the feelings of not only you but also of your friends. How do you know what they were feeling back then?”

Littlefoot chuckled slightly.

“Oh, you see we’ve had many talks about our journey since then. It’s one of the favourite things to talk about on one of these days when the Sky Water just won’t stop falling and you can’t go playing anywhere so we either stay at home or meet up somewhere we won’t get wet and talk about things or play mind games…” Littlefoot elaborated. “But… anyway, that’s why I know how they felt back then.”

“Oh, of course,” Bron replied. “That makes a lot of sense, apologies for the interruption, son.”

“No problem,” Littlefoot smiled and picked up the story again. After all, they were getting closer to the most important parts of it...

*

Soon after Cho had told Ali about the riddle she had to solve, the girl had another wave of intense pain to endure. It lasted for several minutes and Cho actually did whimper a little. To Ali it was clear that she wasn’t allowing herself to show how weak she truly was. The girl supposed that Cho just didn’t like her to worry about her.

“You don’t need to stay strong, Cho…” Ali sighed sadly as she watched the bundle of misery that was Cho lying in front of her, her face uglified by the pain she was enduring silently. “I’m so sorry, Cho…”

Once the pain attack had eased down a little, the heavily breathing, small Longneck replied.

“Do… not feel sorry for me…” she whispered, hardly noticeable. “I… will be fine… probably.”

Ali gave her a sad look.

“You better be, Cho, you better be…”

Cho donated her a forced smile.

“Okay, I will… for you, Ali… when I’m doing better, we will go swimming, okay?” It was a totally random thing but Cho simply wanted to do just that. It was part of being her, wanting to do things spontaneously without an apparent reason.

Ali couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Sure, we will!” she replied, determined.

“Great... “ Cho mumbled dreamily. Ali could tell that it was time for her to leave soon - and time for a long nap for Cho.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you have some more rest so your injuries can heal and your strength returns soon, Cho,” Ali spoke up after a short break. “Littlefoot might be finished talking to his dad by now too…”

“I’m looking forward to meeting him…” Cho spoke… and she really meant it that way this time even though she wasn’t comfortable around dinosaurs she didn’t know.

“Before I go, Cho… is there anything I can do for you?” Ali wondered.

“Please inform Yuyun that I’m a little hungry… and thirsty too,” Cho answered weakly.

“I can do that,” Ali offered but Cho shook her head ever so slightly.

“You… don’t have to…” Cho whispered, smiling nonetheless. “You don’t want to be late when you meet him, do you?”

“Just bring you the water?” Ali negotiated. She didn’t fail to notice that Cho’s words had a subtle amount of wit in them.

“Okay then…”

“Be right back!” Ali tweeted, darting off to find a big treestar she could use to get the water to Cho, mentioning to Yuyun that she could start preparing a dinner for the little girl on the way as she was instructed to. Soon, Cho’s thirst had been treated.

“Thank you…” Cho whispered.

“See you tomorrow, sweety,” Ali chuckled, nuzzling her friend warmly. “And good night!”

Cho simply smiled as she watched Ali leave. She couldn’t tell why but the pain was suddenly not nearly as excruciating as it had been before. After she got fed by her foster mother Yuyun, Cho drifted off into slumber - and she was happy!

*

“Holy Treestar…” Bron was sweating in excitement. “How did you not get eaten there???”
Littlefoot and his friends had been caught off-guard by Sharptooth when he attacked them very early in the morning when they were still sleeping. Their escape had been about as narrow as it could have been - they had almost been swallowed by the beast who got stuck in a tunnel while Littlefoot and his gang escaped through it!

“None of us knows… it was like we all suddenly got a push so we’d enter the tunnel before Sharptooth got us. I can’t explain it either,” Littlefoot responded truthfully. For a moment, it had seemed like Sharptooth had caught them but then they were suddenly in the tunnel while Sharptooth missed them, getting himself stuck in the process. Littlefoot had a suspicion of course how this could have happened but that one was way too absurd to even consider it with seriousness.

“You lot are so lucky it’s almost scary!” Bron laughed. More seriously, he added. “You made the right decisions though as far as I can tell.”

“Thanks dad,” Littlefoot smiled at the praise.

“What happened to Sharptooth? Did he die there?”

“Of course not!” Littlefoot replied.

“You said you killed him…” Bron noted meekly.

“We did but… that was another encounter with him…”

“Another one?!” Bron couldn’t believe it. “That guy must have yearned to have his revenge for the eye you hurt.”

“He truly was chasing us…” Littlefoot sighed. “He was the meanest and worst Sharptooth ever to exist. He could jump ridiculously high and survived falling into the Big Underground during the earthshake that changed the land… it was much deeper than the walls of this valley are high.”

“Very impressive,” Bron remarked. “Most sharpteeth are pretty dumb and easy to outwit but that one was different. Yet you kids escaped him.”

“Yeah… somehow,” Littlefoot said with a mixed expression.

“What happened next?”

Littlefoot cleared his throat.

“Well, Sharptooth had got himself stuck in the tunnel…but we all knew he would get himself out eventually...

*

As Ali slowly wandered back to the meeting point she and Littlefoot had agreed on, she puzzled about Cho’s riddle.

“What did she mean when she said that the answer lies in my eyes? That makes no sense!” If anything, the hint she had granted her only made the riddle more complicated. If Ali didn’t know the little Longneck so well, she would have thought she was talking nonsense after taking a hit to her head but Ali knew Cho was totally serious. She was a smart Longneck and was very good at observing and understanding things. Ali knew that since Cho understood Shorty much better than her - she even noticed her crush on Littlefoot just by observing her during their meeting earlier.

“Okay, maybe I should start without considering the hint yet,” Ali thought since it was only causing her confusion.

“What is it that we have in common…” Ali puzzled for a few moments.

“Well, we’re both girls… though that’s nothing special, she must have meant something more specific that possibly only applies to us two…”

No matter how long Ali was thinking about it - even after she tried to take the hint into account, she couldn’t find a solution. There simply wasn’t anything about her and Cho’s eyes that they had in common… as far as she could tell. Sighing, she eventually plopped to the ground by the berry bushes, observing the going-ons around her until Littlefoot whom she could see talking to Bron, who appeared to be listening almost as if he was hearing a story Littlefoot told, would be back…

*

“... so yeah, we were all hurt and mentally distraught… but we were alive and we were there for each other… that counts.”

“Wow, you were going through a lot,” Bron remarked. Littlefoot had just described the after-effects that the attack of Sharptooth had had on them, turning Ducky and Petrie into mental wrecks until he had managed to calm down Ducky who then took care of Petrie, making Spike fall asleep on the spot and Cera throw up, moreover exhausting all of them to the bone and the tumble down the other end of the tunnel Sharptooth got stuck in - bruising them significantly.

“And yet you found the strength to be there for your friends. That’s quite outstanding, Littlefoot. I’m beginning to understand why these dinosaurs mean so much to you.” Of course that didn’t change his opinion much but Bron knew better than to upset Littlefoot at this point.

“Well, I needed them to overcome my grief and focus on my goal again and now they needed me so I was there for them.” Littlefoot explained.

“It was similar with my herd… they helped me to come over the grief of losing your mother… and you.”

“Yeah…” Littlefoot sighed. “Well, there was a good thing about meeting Sharptooth… since he chased us to one of the landmarks that marked the way to the Great Valley…”

“Just out of curiosity, how much longer is the story going to be?” Bron wondered. He could see Ali waiting for Littlefoot to return to her some distance away and he felt like his presence was needed in the herd again soon.. After all, he had spent most of the day away from them. And who knew what Shorty might have been up to while he wasn’t watching. From experience, he knew that his herd members usually didn’t feel too happy about keeping an eye on him, therefore often neglecting that duty.

“Well, there is still quite a lot to tell…” Littlefoot answered. “Would you rather hear the rest tomorrow, dad?”

“That’s probably for the best, it’s getting late… also,” Bron added with some mirth in his voice. “Ali is waiting for you.”

Littlefoot rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’m very, very happy that you told me the story, Littlefoot, and I’m looking forward to hear about the rest tomorrow,” Bron spoke, smiling.

“Alright, then I’ll meet Ali again now,” Littlefoot announced happily. “See you tomorrow, dad!”

“See you, my son,” Bron replied, smiling. He watched him and Ali for a few more minutes before he eventually trotted back to the area of the valley that his herd was residing in, mentally preparing to hear the worst stories about things Shorty might have done while he had been away...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So here's the second updated chapter, already containing a few new scenes towards the end. The next chapter will be completely new (and since I've managed to finish writing that one already, you'll get to read that one rather soon ;))

Since I couldn't fit all of the storytelling into the scenes I already had, I decided to split it up and have Littlefoot tell Bron the rest of it tomorrow, haha  :smile

What do you think about this one? :)

As I said already, there will be a new chapter within the next few days. And because I'm evil, have a teaser  :p

Quote
"Both understood the message. Without another word uttered, only mysterious glances exchanged, they slowly walked into a sparsely populated area of the valley, only the wind knowing what happened thereafter…"

Make of that what you will :D
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: ADFan185 on October 30, 2016, 08:32:11 AM
It was pretty good not a bad chapter at all.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 05, 2016, 02:50:53 PM
Quote
It was pretty good not a bad chapter at all.
Thank you :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 46:

With joy, Ali watched her friend Littlefoot rush down the steep wall that surrounded the little valley they were residing in. This time, she hadn’t prepared a surprise for him but she didn’t exactly have enough time to prepare anything for him anyway, having only waited for him a few minutes.

“Hey Ali, I’m back!” Littlefoot exclaimed as he was approaching fast. “Did you have to wait long?”

Ali held back her response until Littlefoot had arrived at the berry bushes where she had been waiting for him, standing right in front of him. While she was waiting, she had also been thinking about what to do for the rest of the day. She had planned this already…

Littlefoot was caught off-guard when Ali suddenly nipped him on the face.

“You’re it!” she exclaimed, running away from him. This was a game of catch!

“Hey!” Littlefoot shouted in false outrage once he got over the initial surprise of the girl’s actions, pushing his legs to chase after his mischievous friend. “Oh wait until I get you!” he yelled after Ali who was laughing very hard about Littlefoot’s funny reaction. However, because of this fit of laughter, Ali couldn’t keep a high speed, allowing Littlefoot to catch up in no time, playfully biting Ali’s tail.

“Hey! How dare you bite me!” Ali shouted at Littlefoot.

“You’re it!” Littlefoot teased, trying to get away from the girl but her acted angry face made him laugh so hard that Ali got him in no time. This pattern continued for some more minutes until they eventually ended up wrestling each other in a play-fight which Ali, to the surprise of both, won after pinning Littlefoot on his back in such a way that he couldn’t get back up again.

“What are you going to do now, huh?” Ali teased, a triumphant grin on her face.

Littlefoot had to admit that he could struggle as much as he wanted but he still wouldn’t get back on his feet. Ali had placed a major portion of her weight on his front limbs, thus rendering him incapable of standing up.

“Well?” Ali pressed the matter, grinning smugly at her friend who tried to look as innocent as he could. She didn’t expect his response though.

“Just taking a sunbath…” Littlefoot answered, grinning himself. “My belly doesn’t get a lot of these…”

“REALLY!?” Ali sputtered. “This is all you have to say?! REALLY!?”

Littlefoot raised his eye-brows slightly.

“Yes…”

Ali couldn’t help it anymore, holding her belly as she roared in laughter.

“You’re hilarious!” she managed to say inbetween her laughing fit.

Littlefoot finally joined the laughter too.

“Well, should I have said that I lost against a girl in a fight? How embarrassing that would have been…” Littlefoot snickered.

“But you DID!” Ali pointed out, still laughing.

“Uhh… yes,” Littlefoot admitted.

Ali shook her head. It took her another two minutes to get her laughter under control again.

“One of these days, Littlefoot, you’ll have me laughing so hard that I won’t be able to breathe anymore, so be careful,” Ali spoke eventually, exhausted from the games and the laughter.

“Don’t laugh so hard then,” Littlefoot advised wisely which only earned him a stare from the girl.

“Right, so uhh… what do we do now?” Littlefoot wondered, noticing with slight remorse that the day was drawing to a close - the Bright Circle was sinking in the west, about to disappear behind the horizon.

“Just don’t make me laugh like this again, please!” Ali pleaded. “As much as I like you for being able to make me laugh like nobody else can… it still hurts.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Littlefoot quickly stated, a little worried for a moment.

“Don’t worry, I’m more than fine,” Ali assured her friend, smiling. “This was so much fun!”

“I agree, it’s always fun playing games with you, Ali!” Littlefoot spoke, smiling back.

“Yeah, but, right now, I need to do something more relaxing.” Ali already knew something they could do which could be labelled as relaxing.

“Sure but… what?” Littlefoot asked, clueless.

“Well, I think I have an idea,” the girl spoke in a mysterious voice. “Just follow me.” She had been looking forward to this all day but it was still a bit too early.

“Follow you where?” Littlefoot wondered.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore, silly,” Ali answered, chuckling. “Now follow me, or are you scared?”

“I’m not scared!” Littlefoot retorted, scandalised.

“Well, then come along!” Ali exclaimed, walking towards the center of the valley.

“I wonder what she’s up to this time…” Littlefoot mused, trotting along his friend as they took a walk across the valley which also led them past the area where Bron’s herd was residing. Bron himself was seen talking to a couple herd members but they were too far away to catch any words of the conversations going on. They even caught a quick glimpse on Shorty but the green Longneck didn’t notice them, appearing to be thinking about something.

*

“So… how did Shorty behave while I was gone? Did he break the restrictions that I set up for him?” Bron asked a small group of Longnecks who were supposed to watch the little troublemaker during his absence.

“No, he stayed where you ordered him to be and he didn’t cause any trouble,” one of them answered - they hadn’t been watching him very well though, not noticing his run-in with Ricky.

“Very well, that’s a relief,” Bron sighed. He had been expecting to hear all sorts of things but this. “Well, thanks for taking care of this, I will appoint somebody else for the duty tomorrow. Good night!” With that, Bron turned away from them, heading towards his nesting area… to Shorty. He trusted his herd members but he would still ask Shorty a few questions…

*

“Where are we going, Ali?” Littlefoot eventually insisted after they had walked through much of the valley - the Bright Circle had already disappeared behind the high walls.

“We’re almost there, Littlefoot,” Ali promised. It was still a bit too early but it wouldn’t take much longer until she could do what she wanted to.

“Quite a long walk,” the boy complained. “What do you want to do anyway? The Bright Circle is going to disappear soon, Ali.”

“I know…” Ali spoke mysteriously, grinning.

Suddenly, it clicked in Littlefoot’s mind.

“Right… that’s what you want to do… you mentioned it earlier today!” Littlefoot exclaimed in excitement. “She wants to watch how the Bright Circle disappears behind the horizon with me! I should have known!”

“Pooooossibly,” Ali confirmed, grinning even broader.

“Then why do you lead me through the whole valley when all we would have had to do was climb the wall right next to us!?” the male Longneck suddenly raged. “We can watch the Bright Circle from literally anywhere on that wall!”

“Well, it was still a bit too early and I didn’t want to wait for an eternity until the time has come,” the female explained. “Are you tired from the walk?” There was a subtle amount of tease in her words.

“Why no!” Littlefoot disclaimed. “But still… I think it was unnecessary.”

“Look at it this way, Littlefoot,” Ali explained. “This way, we explore a part of the valley that we haven’t been to before… and, besides, this side of the valley is much better for viewing.”

“Huh?” Littlefoot didn’t get the girl’s line of thinking.

“See, the Bright Circle is disappearing behind the horizon in this direction.” Ali pointed to the wall in front of them which they were approaching while crossing a wide meadow of tall grass, using the trails that other Longnecks had long since carved into it. “Now, if we had decided to watch from the other side, we’d look across the whole valley too. But, from over there…” Again, the girl pointed to the wall in front of them. “From over there, there is only the Mysterious Beyond to look at. Isn’t that much more exciting, Littlefoot?”

“Hmm…” Littlefoot was still in the process of thinking about Ali’s words. “Thinking about it, I think you have a point…”

“I know,” Ali grinned, playfully bumping into Littlefoot.

“Still, there’s one thing I have to disagree with…” the boy mused, unimpressed by Ali’s attempt to start yet another play fight.

“What would that be?” Ali asked curiously.

“You made that decision to walk all the way, not we, only you!”

Ali facepalmed.

“Wow, and that’s important?”

“No,” Littlefoot chuckled. “Just wanted to point it out.”

“Littlefoot…”

Ali spent the rest of the way shaking her head in disbelief, much to the amusement of Littlefoot.

*

“Well, what have we been up to today, Shorty?” Bron entered the clearing where Shorty was residing. He scanned the boy carefully.

“I didn’t do anything, I swear!” Shorty shouted in panic, having interpreted Bron’s tone as a sign that he knew about his encounter with Ralph.

“Relax, Shorty, I’m not assuming that you’ve been doing anything that you weren’t supposed to,” Bron spoke calmly.

“I didn’t leave this clearing, I didn’t even go to the watering hole to drink,” Shorty promised. “Can I go now, I’m thirsty!”

“You didn’t drink? Well, drinking and eating is fine, didn’t I mention that?” Bron wondered.

“No…” Shorty replied quietly.

“Well, you may, sorry for not making that clear…” Bron apologised. “Well, I wanted to take a drink before preparing for the night. Wanna join me?”

“Why is he so friendly!?” Shorty was puzzled by Bron’s behavior, keeping his guard.

“Okay…” he answered, though somewhat hesitant.

*

“Ah, good timing!” Ali exclaimed as she arrived at the top of the wall, Littlefoot slightly lacking behind.

The Bright Circle stood very low above the horizon - soon it would disappear. Ali loved to watch this happen… and it did not occur often that she had such a good location and weather conditions to do so… not to mention the great company she had.

“Why do you want to watch this so badly anyway, Ali?” Littlefoot questioned as he arrived at the top as well.

“It’s wonderful, Littlefoot,” the girl responded dreamily. “Besides, it’s just a perfect thing to do to round up a great day.” Ali smiled.

“Sure it is! You didn’t need me though, did you?” Littlefoot wondered. He did like watching sunsets but he didn’t understand why Ali was that eager to pull him along.

“Hey, that’s the whole point!” Ali suddenly shouted. “The point is that we watch it together, relaxing, thinking about the day or just… talk. That makes it special to me…”

“Well, let’s relax then, the day was eventful enough,” Littlefoot replied, now understanding why Ali wanted him to be with her right now. Or at least he assumed so.

“Come on, make yourself comfortable, it’s starting,” Ali spoke invitingly, lying down comfortably. Indeed, the Bright Circle wasn’t far from touching the horizon anymore, slowly taking on the typical orange colour right before sunset.

Littlefoot did as he was told, taking a seat next to Ali.

“Hey, I’m not going to bite you,” Ali giggled. Littlefoot had taken his seat too far away from her in her opinion.

“Huh?” Littlefoot didn’t get the message.

“Well, come a bit closer…” Ali explained, chuckling about Littlefoot’s reaction.

“Well… if you like…” Littlefoot responded hesitantly. “Ali, what are you up to???”

“Closer…” Ali whispered sheepishly, after Littlefoot moved a little closer to her as he was told. He was still so far away that another Longneck would have fitted between them.

“Ali, what’s the p…” Littlefoot questioned but he was already interrupted by the girl again.

“Just do what I tell you to do, you won’t regret it, I promise,” Ali spoke warmly and also a bit shy. “Come on, Littlefoot, hurry up, will you???”

“Ali, what on earth…” Littlefoot was as confused as he could be. Nonetheless, he followed her instructions, approaching another few inches. Still not enough in Ali’s eyes.

“Closer!” Ali demanded, this time with more vigour. “He’s ruining the moment if he doesn’t hurry!”

Littlefoot moved another few inches closer to his friend but it was still not close enough in Ali’s opinion.

“Sigh, if he doesn’t move, so will I!” Rigorously, the girl got up from her comfortable position on the ground, walking over to Littlefoot and plopping down to the ground right next to him - so close that their bodies touched.

“THIS close, silly,” Ali shouted, shaking her head while sighing much to the amusement of Littlefoot. However, that amusement didn’t last long.

“NOW, we can finally watch this wonderful event!” Ali spoke a bit harder than she intended to. Indeed, the sunset was merely a minute or two away. It would take place any second now.

“So… we just relax now and watch it?” Littlefoot asked.

“Exactly, and that’s why I want you to be next to me, silly,” Ali explained sheepishly, a grin appearing on her face, a sparkle in her eyes.

“You need me to relax?” Littlefoot inquired in surprise, laughing a little.

“Yes, I do!” Ali answered defiantly, demonstratively edging even closer to her friend. “See, it’s very relaxing to be close to you while watching the Bright Circle disappear…”

As Ali slightly and carefully leaned against him, Littlefoot began to feel very awkward about the whole situation yet he didn’t want to think about that right now. The bottom of the Bright Circle was already beginning to touch some distant mountains. It was beginning.

*

As Bron and Shorty were drinking at the watering hole, the grown-up tried to start a conversation with his not-formally adopted son.

“Say Shorty, what do you think about my son Littlefoot so far. You’ve already met him the other day after all…”

Shorty interrupted drinking huge loads of water to satisfy his strong thirst. Before he knew what was happening, he felt a surge of anger taking hold of his whole body. “Great job, Bron, great job…one way to make me mad!” Somehow, the boy managed to hide it for the time being. His answer, however, was still not quite like Bron had expected.

“Well, I don’t like him!” Shorty exclaimed disdainfully.

“Could you specify that a little?” Bron requested, obviously not liking Shorty’s response at all but, at least, he wanted to know why the little troublemaker would think so.

“Well, because… because he’s a spoiled, little know-it-all, that’s why!” Shorty shouted, snorting. “I just don’t like him!”

“Hmm, I thought you always wanted a brother, Shorty?” Bron continued then, a little disappointed.

“What is he even up to?! Doesn’t he realise that this little despicable idiot is responsible for all of this?!”

“I thought you could become brothers but… if you don’t like him…” Bron continued.

“What are you alluding to?!”  Shorty was mildly enraged - the feeling that Bron was still on his side slowly beginning to fade.

“No thanks, I’d rather be brotherless than having a wimp like him as a brother,” Shorty declared rudely.

“Well, it was just an offer…” Bron shrugged, continuing to drink.

*

Ali leaned against Littlefoot as the Bright Circle began touching the horizon far away in the Mysterious Beyond. None of them understood where it actually touched the ground but, at this moment, none of this mattered. All that mattered for Ali was that Littlefoot was here with her to watch this phenomenal spectacle together - watch the huge ball of fire that grew even much, much bigger when touching down as it slowly descended from the sky, turning redder and redder the lower it sank - watch the air quivering in front of the huge, red form due to the heat from the day rising from the sun-baked ground of the Mysterious Beyond - watch the Mysterious Beyond itself as it was illuminated by this unusual light - all the same feeling the warm bodies of each other as well as the last rays of warm light before it would finally disappear to make room for the Night Circle to take over. Ali felt her heart beating a lot faster than it had to as she snuggled up even further with Littlefoot who returned the gesture half-heartedly while trying not to think about the feelings that this woke in him. Ultimately, as the Bright Circle had finally disappeared in its entirety, leaving only the ever reddening and darkening sky to be admired as well as a few high clouds being beautifully illuminated, he eventually couldn’t block the thoughts that were spinning around in his head anymore.

“What am I feeling? Why does it feel so wrong? And what is Ali feeling and why does she do this?!” His head was literally bursting with questions. Of course he hadn’t forgotten about the incidents of the afternoon. He had already figured out that Ali liked him quite a bit. Frankly, so did he. “Then why does it feel so… funny?” As Ali wore a smile of pure happiness on her face, snuggling up with him, all he felt was… awkwardness? Yes, that was a pretty good word to describe it. He really liked the girl, her antics and the games and adventures he’s had with her but such close body contact outside of physical games didn’t feel quite as great. Why was that? Ali seemed to enjoy it!

“Wasn’t that absolutely awesome?” Ali spoke quietly, removing her head from Littlefoot’s for the first time since the sunset had begun to look at the boy with sparkling eyes and a dreamy look on her face.

“Absolutely!” Littlefoot confirmed, shaken out of his thinking for a moment. There was no reason to deny that the sunset they had just witnessed had been a huge spectacle because it was. Secretly, Littlefoot thanked the girl for dragging him along to see this but, just as secretly, he wished she hadn’t. He felt like there was something about her which greatly changed the way he’d look at the first longnecked friend he’d ever made… and the look Ali was giving him only confirmed this.

Ali sought eye contact with Littlefoot, her eyes filled with wonder, excitement and curiosity meeting his filled with uncertainty, surprise and also a bit of worry.

“Littlefoot? Would you mind if we stay a little longer?” the girl voiced up. “Just until it gets dark…”

“Uhh, sure,” Littlefoot responded nervously, the intense gaze of Ali distracting him. “Why is she looking at me like this?!”

*

“By the way, Shorty, if you continue to behave during the next few days, I might allow you to meet others again provided I am supervising you,” Bron casually mentioned while observing Shorty, who seemed to be quite angry for some reason. “Some members of the herd are urging me to punish you even worse than I do, Shorty, but I know that this is not going to make things any better.”

“What do you mean?” Shorty inquired, muttering.

“What you did was horrible, Shorty, but…” Bron didn’t get to finish his response, Shorty violently interrupting him.

“I KNOW!!!” the green Longneck roared. “Yes it was a horrible thing to do but I had my reasons! You just don’t understand me, Bron!”

“Shorty…”

“I don’t want to do it again, I don’t want to hurt others like that again and I want others to give me a chance! So stop rubbing it into my face!” Shorty was breathing heavily, agitated.

“Would you let me finish what I have to say instead of interrupting me!?” Bron thundered, getting angry too. “In case you didn’t notice, Shorty, I am defending you in front of the herd time and again - I’ve been doing so for many years, in fact! I’ve always apologised for all the crap that you’ve produced and added the, oftentimes, frustrating task of looking after the naughty brat you often were upon me in addition to my duties as a herd leader! And how did you thank me? You produced even more crap, Shorty! Your attack on the little Longneck yesterday really tested my patience with you, my friend! Don’t test it any further!” Bystanders were muttering amongst each other as Bron continued to shout at the boy but the grown-up didn’t care.

“So how about you little troublemaker finally showing some gratitude!? I could have chased you out of the herd long ago! Heck! I could’ve left you and the little ones out there alone but I allowed you to come along only through my sheer kindness which you’ve abused too many times already!”

Shorty was listening to Bron’s lecture expressionlessly, knowing his lectures too well already to be afraid of this one - though he had to admit that it was one of the rare vicious ones… and one he, admittedly, deserved.

“Please don’t see the enemy in me, Shorty,” the grown-up continued, somewhat calmer. “You are your own enemy, I’m trying to help you in case you didn’t notice that yet!”

“I know.” This was all Shorty had to say.

“I do believe that you really mean it when you claim that you want to change. Prove it and you will be rewarded, show me otherwise and you will lose my support.”

“Fair enough,” Shorty grunted, turning away from Bron to eat some of the tall grass growing on the shore of the watering hole.

“That boy…” Bron sighed, trying to calm his mind by watching the high clouds in the sky being illuminated by the retreating Bright Circle.

Soon, they returned to their nesting area and, without another word uttered, tried to find rest, both dealing with their own thoughts.

*

Ali and Littlefoot continued to gaze into the distance for a couple more minutes without exchanging a word, each lost in their own fantasies as they huddled close together - well, Ali anyway. As calm and relaxed she appeared to be to an outside viewer, as nervous and excited she felt on the inside, her heart beating twice as fast as would be necessary, a tickly and tingling sensation making itself known in her whole body… and thoughts about the Longneck who was seated to her left being subject of her current daydreaming, plans for the rest of the evening being made.

Littlefoot’s thoughts were mostly focussed on the girl to his right too, however, he wasn’t getting any of the feelings that Ali was feeling, just confusion over the whole situation. As his gaze was wandering across the horizon, distant landscapes - unknown and mysterious at the same time, caught his interest - the adventurer in himself waking up. Oh what would he give to explore all of that. However, he knew that it was a dangerous thing to do… and, if he were completely honest with himself, he already had quite an adventure on his journey from the Great Valley to this wonderful place which also had many of the qualities that the Great Valley offered them. Getting almost eaten by an alligator was only the most perilous of many experiences that the young Longneck had made on his journey.

“Besides…” he mused. “Cera would kill me for having yet another adventure without them…” His friends… Littlefoot wondered how they were holding up without him as a central figure in their little gang. Would they miss him? Most certainly! After all, he missed them badly. If it weren’t for Ali, Littlefoot would feel their absence even worse since there’d be nobody to play with.

Soon, however, gazing into the vastness of the Mysterious Beyond got him bored eventually.

“Say, Ali, how is your little friend doing?” Littlefoot spoke up in an attempt to break the silence between them and to fight boredom, pulling Ali out of her daydream.

“Oh, you mean Cho?” Ali wondered.

“Yeah, you were visiting her while I was talking to my dad, weren’t you?”

“Yes, I was,” Ali responded, turning to Littlefoot to get a better look at him... at the cost of their heads not snuggling up anymore though. “I’m sure she will recover from her injuries in no time. She’s strong if she has to. Even though she’s constantly feeling a lot of pain, I haven’t seen a single tear in her eyes. She’ll be fine… and she told me she’s looking forward to meeting you.”

“That’s great to hear,” Littlefoot replied sincerely.

“Yes, it is. Though I find it weird that she is so eager about meeting you, considering that she usually hates strangers…” Ali puzzled, her previous thoughts about Littlefoot temporarily forgotten.

“Well, it’s a good thing,” Littlefoot said, shrugging.

“Yeah… she also gave me a riddle by the way… and I can’t figure it out!” Ali chuckled. “Well, I’m sure I will, eventually.”

“A riddle?” Littlefoot inquired curiously.

“Yeah… it… kinda has to do with the relationship between us… but I’m not sure if Cho would consent to me telling you…” the girl responded, hesitant.

“Oh, that’s fine,” Littlefoot spoke, smiling. Ali returned it.

“I wonder though… what does she think about Shorty after that attack…” the boy mused. “Did you talk about that by any chance?”

“Actually, we did indeed…. Quite a lot,” Ali confirmed. “Believe it or not but she is not nearly as mad at him as I am… don’t try to understand Cho, she is like that sometimes…” Ali sighed.

“Okay… will remember that tomorrow, when we visit her,” Littlefoot promised with a mixed expression. If he had been the one to be almost killed by Shorty, he’d be boiling. Why wasn’t Ali’s little friend?

”Anyway, what have you been doing with your father, Littlefoot?” Ali then questioned, smiling at her friend. “He seemed to be listening to you before you came back to me, were you telling him stories?”

“Why yes, he wanted to know more about my friends so I ended up telling him the story of my journey to the Great Valley with them… we didn’t get finished today though,” he explained, snickering.

“I really wonder how Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike are doing…” Ali sighed, remembering the rest of the gang she had temporarily become part of when she visited the Great Valley long ago. “I’ve missed them, do you?”

“Yeah, I miss them a lot too,” Littlefoot admitted. “And they also miss you, Ali.”

“I wish we all could just be together again, you guys are such good friends and…” Ali blushed slightly. “You’re my best friend.”

“Thanks, Ali!” Littlefoot grinned. “I don’t like liking one of my friends more than others so you’re all my best friends!”

“Fair enough!” Ali grinned back. “I’m your only Longneck friend though.” She gave Littlefoot a suggestive look.

“That’s true, I guess that makes you special in a way,” Littlefoot shrugged.

“It does,” Ali smiled warmly at her friend who, after a short silence, went on about his time with Bron.

“My dad loves stories about me going adventuring by the way!”

“Well, he’ll have a hard time catching up then!” Ali giggled, Littlefoot joining in.

“Oh yeah, you bet! At some point, we need to tell each other stories that happened since we last met!” Littlefoot suggested. Ali was on the edge of her seat.

“Absolutely! Why don’t we start right now?” the girl proposed but Littlefoot shook his head.

“I think there isn’t enough time for this tonight,” he said apologetically. “It’s getting dark and I do not think it would be wise to get into trouble for being home late.”

“He has a point…” Ali sighed.

“Well, maybe you are right, Littlefoot. I do not want to go home though… not yet.” “I want to be with you!”

“It’s a rather long walk since our nesting places are on the other side of the valley… we might get lost too since we don’t really know this part of the valley yet…”

“Aww, come on…” Ali begged but conscience won the raging battle in Littlefoot’s head.

“Sorry, Ali, but if we get into trouble, we might not be allowed to see each other at all,” Littlefoot pointed out, finally convincing his friend.

“Ehh, right. Let’s go then, the beautiful part of the show is over anyway,” Ali submitted, tomorrow would be another day. The sunset had passed its beautiful phase - now it was simply getting more and more dark while the colours on the sky were retreating to be replaced by an ever darkening blue which would soon turn into perfect black dotted with little white lights… and the Night Circle, obviously.

“Let’s take the same route back so we don’t get lost,” Littlefoot advised.

“Yeah, good idea…” Ali agreed, rewarding Littlefoot’s idea with a smile. “Even though it is safe here, I don’t feel eager about not finding my way back home…”

“Okay then, let’s go!” Littlefoot exclaimed, walking ahead though Ali was right next to him in no time, making sure to walk as close to Littlefoot as she could.

*

Littlefoot and Ali hadn’t been the only one’s to watch the sunset this evening. A particularly large couple of Longnecks stood on the southern rim of the valley’s walls, their necks entangled as they leaned against each other while the sky was slowly darkening above them, announcing the nearby arrival of the night.

“This was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long time - aside from you, that is,” the gigantic form of Kenneth spoke in his calm, deep voice, bending his neck down to the smaller female who was considered a giant among her fellow Longnecks nevertheless.

“Stop it, you!” Sue retorted, blushing badly about the compliment of her compagnon. She had only met him a few hours ago and, already, they were as familiar around each other like an old couple.

“Thank you for inviting me to observe this little wonder of nature with you, it was a blast, Sue,” Ken spoke, affectionate.

“Why, you are much welcome, dear,” Sue chuckled. “A blast it was indeed.”

“Got anything else planned today?” the male casually mentioned. With amusement, he observed the reaction this caused in Sue. Extreme excitement.

“No-ho, I am free tonight,” Sue whistled, a sheepish grin appearing on her face. “What about you, Ken?”

“Got nothin’ planned,” he shrugged. “Not yet.” There was a flicker in his eyes which were directly staring into Sue’s.

Both understood the message. Without another word uttered, only mysterious glances exchanged, they slowly walked into a sparsely populated area of the valley, only the wind knowing what happened thereafter…

*

When Littlefoot and Ali arrived back at the nesting area of Bron’s herd, the sky had almost turned black already, only the distant orange hue on the western horizon providing a little remnant of daylight to the two children. Except for agreeing on a meeting point for the next day, there had been silence between them - after spending almost all day together, there wasn’t much left to talk about but a lot to think about and remember. However, as they passed by the sleeping area of Bron and Shorty, Ali suddenly remembered something.

“Littlefoot? Did you actually ask Bron about Shorty when you were talking to him?”

“Huh, why would I… oh…” That was when Littlefoot remembered. “Uhh, right... “

“Do not worry, Littlefoot,” Ali spoke as she noticed the guilty look the boy’d give her. “Ask him tomorrow then… also ask Bron if I may see Shorty to give him another lecture if necessary. There are some things I need to talk about with him…”

“Well, are you sure this is going to change him significantly, Ali?” Littlefoot questioned, doubtful.

“See, as you said earlier today, Shorty likes me… he wants me to like him so he will listen… at least I hope so.”

“Well, I’ll ask him tomorrow, won’t forget it again,” Littlefoot declared, sighing.

“Much appreciated,” Ali smiled, quickly nuzzling Littlefoot much to the boy’s surprise.

After another two minutes, they had to separate to walk to their respective families to spend the night.

“Well, today was a lot of fun!” Ali exclaimed, turning to Littlefoot, facing him. “Thank you for the wonderful day with you, Littlefoot.” With that being said, Ali, again, began nuzzling Littlefoot who slightly recoiled.

“Don’t you like it?” Ali asked in confusion and disappointment, retreating from her friend.

“I do… just…” Littlefoot was searching for the right words, noticing the slightly sad look on Ali. “It feels… funny when you do that…”

“Parents nuzzle their children to show them their love…” Ali explained, though that was only one part of the explanation. “And friends do it to show that they like each other. Don’t you like me, Littlefoot?”

Littlefoot was quick to respond.

“Ali, how is this even a question?!” he shouted. “I wouldn’t be playing games and do all sorts of things with you if I didn’t like you… silly girl.” He chuckled lightly.

“But you don’t like me nuzzling you…” Ali protested weakly, pouting slightly.

“Yes, because it feels awkward if you do so…” Littlefoot explained, shrugging.

“Okay then…” Ali spoke up, trying to hide her disappointment. “Well, see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Ali. Seeya tomorrow!” Littlefoot called before the two children separated, each going back to their nests where their parents were already waiting for them...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I'm just curious what you guys are going to write in the comments  :lol  Hit that reply button! ^^spike

I haven't started working on the next chapter yet so no promises when it'll be done since I never keep them anyway  :angel
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: The Lone Dragon on November 05, 2016, 07:53:31 PM
Well now this has been a very good chapter :yes

I must say I really liked the playfulness of Littlefoot and Ali, as friends they seem to get along just fine as is noticed during all their antics.

It was also nice to see the sunset with the two but that is where the different feelings settle in which I think you've done a great job at capturing, it's interesting to see that Littlefoot is not as ready as Ali to push the boundaries of their relationship any further. Of course who knows how long that will last and the scene with Sue and Kenneth being the icing on the cake....wow, they really got into it    :lol .

It's also a shock that those so called guards have failed to keep watch over Shorty, I wonder what Bron would do if he found out what he had been doing and with whom he was doing that with, now that would be interesting. He sounded pretty pissed off with Shorty during that lecture and I can't say I blame him.  

I wonder where the relationship between Ali and Littlefoot will eventually turn out and how the respective meetings with Cho and Bron will go the next day. This was a very good chapter, looking forward to the next one ^^spike .
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on November 05, 2016, 11:44:18 PM
Wow, I must have missed the two re-worked chapters! They look great! Definitely an improvement for the pacing :D

Don't have time to leave a super long review, but I love the most recent chapter :smile
I really like how you're continuing to build the conflict between Shorty and Bron while still giving Shorty an honest desire to change himself. I feel like things are about to get very interesting :yes

One thing that I noticed was that you had Littlefoot refer to Cho as Ali's "little friend." I don't know if it's a regional thing, but when someone says that here it is usually a subtle insult, meaning that the "little friend" is disapproved of, or barely worth mentioning. It was just a minor thing, but it was the only thing that threw me off while I was reading, so I thought I'd mention it :)

Can't wait to read more!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on November 12, 2016, 11:26:40 PM
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Well now this has been a very good chapter in-yes.gif
Thanks, I'm glad that you enjoyed it :)

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must say I really liked the playfulness of Littlefoot and Ali, as friends they seem to get along just fine as is noticed during all their antics.
haha, yes I imagine them to be quite like that :D In LBT 4 Ali isn't that mischievous though but as she gets a bit older...   :lol

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It was also nice to see the sunset with the two but that is where the different feelings settle in which I think you've done a great job at capturing, it's interesting to see that Littlefoot is not as ready as Ali to push the boundaries of their relationship any further. Of course who knows how long that will last and the scene with Sue and Kenneth being the icing on the cake....wow, they really got into it dino_laugh.gif .
I'm glad you think so! :D While Ali has hopelessly crushed on him, Littlefoot doesn't seem to be sharing the feelings Ali is showing. It's gonna be complicated but eventually explained (in ten years maybe  :angel ). No seriously, I've got great plans and can't wait to get there eventually, this will be a major plot along with Shorty's arc... thought going mainstream and just have them fall in love with each other would be too clichË.

Kenneth and Sue... yeah  :lol  :blink: You figured that out correctly (did not forget about them, don't worry)^^spike

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It's also a shock that those so called guards have failed to keep watch over Shorty, I wonder what Bron would do if he found out what he had been doing and with whom he was doing that with, now that would be interesting. He sounded pretty pissed off with Shorty during that lecture and I can't say I blame him.

Well, they just couldn't be bothered to watch him properly :DD The argument/lecture wasn't actually planned to happen... it just came to my mind as I was writing the scene at the watering hole. Shorty was pissed off because of Littlefoot so he was loaded... thought I should make use of that ^^spike Besides, Bron is actually god-damn right in what he's saying. It didn't occur to me until now for some reason but this should have been something he said in the very first lecture after finding out about Shorty's horrible actions.

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I wonder where the relationship between Ali and Littlefoot will eventually turn out and how the respective meetings with Cho and Bron will go the next day. This was a very good chapter, looking forward to the next one land_before_time8_disneyscreencaps_com_2484_by_rockingscorpion-d9nxkr0.png .
Well, as I said, it'll get... complicated. You shall see soon what the meetings will be like but first... what happens at night while everybody is sleeping? Well, find out whenever I've got the bloody chapter written  :smile Glad you liked the developements!

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Wow, I must have missed the two re-worked chapters! They look great! Definitely an improvement for the pacing biggrin.gif
Yeah, it's much better tha way indeed ^^spike

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Don't have time to leave a super long review, but I love the most recent chapter Dino_grins.gif
I really like how you're continuing to build the conflict between Shorty and Bron while still giving Shorty an honest desire to change himself. I feel like things are about to get very interesting in-yes.gif
Glad you love the chapter! :DD Trust me when I say they will! It just might take me a little while to get there  :nyah Shorty is very conflicted too, I'm not 100% sure how far I will/should go with him yet. I'll just have to see how things develop as I get to the next important scenes that I planned :yes

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One thing that I noticed was that you had Littlefoot refer to Cho as Ali's "little friend." I don't know if it's a regional thing, but when someone says that here it is usually a subtle insult, meaning that the "little friend" is disapproved of, or barely worth mentioning. It was just a minor thing, but it was the only thing that threw me off while I was reading, so I thought I'd mention it smile.gif
If that is the meaning saying this gets across in english language, then it was absolutely NOT intended lol  :lol More like, Ali's little friend as in... smaller and younger :p If it's sounding off, I can change it easily. Just let me know :)

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Can't wait to read more!
Can't wait to WRITE moar!  :lol (seriously, replying to comments and feedback is perfect writing motivation!)



Oh a "Schnapszahl" post, hehe (post no. 5555 ^^)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 19, 2016, 10:11:28 PM
Ugh, writer's block is a bitch. Here's the next chapter, read carefully 'till the end ;)

~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 47:

The tall Longneck stood at the entrance of the cave, his gaze wandering across the lush vegetation, illuminated by the rising form of the Night Circle. Surely, in a land so fertile and green, he would find what he desired more than anything else - even more than power. A plant more powerful than any other on this earth - a plant which awoke feelings in him nothing else could… and it made him insane if he couldn’t find it!

For many years the lands had been suffering under a terrible drought. Recently, signs that the drought was drawing to an end had been accumulating but the Mysterious Beyond was still a hostile place. Ever since the land he used to call home had become dry and hostile, he hadn’t seen this mysterious leaf ever again. Ever since he had been restless, trying to find another place that offered him what he was looking for. So far, he hadn’t been lucky, it drove him crazy!

“Ricky, where are you?” Hart was waiting for his son to return from his scouting tour. Did he find something?

*

Shorty lay on the ground, restless. Bron’s lecture had helped little to reestablish the rest of self-esteem he still had and, if anything, he was more angry than he already was.

“I know it was wrong to hurt her, get over it already!” Shorty ranted. He had long since come to terms with his punishment and the things he had done - there had been plenty of time to do that after all. It had been an accident and, while the beating had been extremely entertaining, Shorty knew it was not worth the aftermath. As much as he despised Cho for what she was, he didn’t want her dead. “Which almost happened…”

As time passed by, seemingly in slow-motion, Shorty thought about the other aspect of Bron’s lecture.

“I am only causing him trouble…” It was a fact. Shorty had been doing a lot of things that were causing Bron problems. He had been a troublemaker and Bron was completely right about that.

But Shorty knew that now. He knew that he would have to change at least some of his behavior. It had always been the most important aspect of his life to be respected and admired by everyone around him. He had to be strong -  which he wasn’t back then, to impress others so he had trained hard, gaining skills in the process which weren’t only important in fights against Sharpteeth and other hostile creatures. There were many ways the green Longneck had tried. Showing off whenever possible and intimidating those younger than him were his favourite. He would bully those annoying hatchlings around because he had the courage, strength and attitude to pull it off… they were no match obviously.

However, and even more so now, instead of gaining respect through these actions, all Shorty received was rejection.

“They don’t see how strong I am…” Maybe a fight would show them what he was truly capable of. That was when a sharp reminder entered his usual line of thinking.

“If I fight others, they will reject and fear me so… there must be something else to do, something…”  Shorty was searching for the right word. “Something that will show them that I’m not a spoiled brat but somebody who… who is admirable and… and good!” At heart, he was good. He wasn’t like his evil father who had no hesitation at all to commit murder if necessary.

“I like being mean but I can change! I can be better than that! And if only for…” That was when he saw her… with him.

“Ali…” he sighed. The pink Longneck was walking side-by-side with the dinosaur he’d like to meet the least right now - aside from Bron or his father perhaps.

“Let my girl alone…” Shorty hissed. Rage was boiling in him upon seeing his girl with Bron’s son, walking suggestively close to each other. He’d just managed to calm down after the fight with Bron only to be enraged yet again.

“I’ll show that wannabe! I’ll beat the living crap out of him!!!” Gone was the promise to lock the violent and mean part of his personality away - right now he wanted blood! Littlefoot seemed to have conquered Ali - she was HIS girl. He’d show Ali what kind of idiot this Littlefoot really was!

As he was preparing to charge, some voice inside of him suddenly voiced up.

“They will reject you for fighting him,” Shorty’s muscles remained tense but he was less unreasonable now.

“Ali will hate me if I beat him up… what would I gain? If anything, I’d lose her completely!”  Gnashing his teeth, Shorty remained where he was as he had to endure seeing Ali and Littlefoot together until they finally separated. He’d get his chance eventually to show Ali who he truly was. All he had to do was being patient and keep his aggression under control to get away from his current punishment as quick as he could.

*

Meanwhile, Ricky was heading towards the cave where his father expected him to be by now, awaiting his report.

“Ricky, you’re late!” Hart hissed when he finally saw his son return to him.

“I had to make sure that nobody notices me, sir,” Ricky explained upon being called out for being back after dawn. “I was at the other side of the valley when the Bright Circle disappeared and I had to wait until others fell asleep - I had a feeling they were watching me so I made sure not to cause any trouble.” It was a blatant lie but it worked. All that mattered to his dad was that their agenda remained hidden.

“Okay then… Found anything?” Hart inquired.

“Not yet… but this place is too big to look at every spot in just one night,” Ricky replied cautiously.

“Yes, quite so…” Hart mused absentmindedly. “I’ve thought about a strategy, son.”

“Yes, sir?” Ricky wondered, mildly excited.

“We split up.”

“I thought we would do that anyway?” Ricky cautiously wondered.

“Unlike you, son, I’m a creature of the night. You are not so you won’t be of much help there. At night, even a tall Longneck like me is unlikely to be seen. You can do the scouting during daylight, you’re still young and small enough to remain unsuspicious even at daylight. Evesdropping on other herds and listening to gossip could come in handy…”

“Okay, good plan, sir!” Ricky exclaimed, saluting. “Though… what kind of gossip should I look for?”

“Oh, I’ll tell you in the morning, son. Now get yourself some rest. I’ll look around a bit meanwhile…” A faraway grin quickly appeared on his face. Then he turned around, heading towards to exit of their cavern, taking a quick overlook of the valley below him.

“The Night Circle is almost full tonight, good for scouting” he quickly noted. Then he quietly walked into the night.

*

With slight worry, the elderly Longneck scanned his immediate surroundings.

“Where is our grandson?” Grandpa Longneck knew that he had been with Ali for most of the day. Maybe they simply had a bit too much fun to realise how late it already was?

“I’m sure he’ll be back home soon, dear,” his mate spoke optimistically upon noticing the worried look on her husband's face. “What should have happened to him here? There are simply so many of us even at night to scare any pack of Sharpteeth or other malicious creatures away.”

“Well, he could have walked far, not remembering how to get back here…” Grandpa Longneck reasoned. “This place is quite similar to our valley and it is large enough to get lost. Especially in the dark.”

“I’m sure he’s just gotten a bit distracted playing with Ali, don’t worry,” Grandma assured. “Or he’s still with Bron, getting to know his dad better.”

“Right, that is a possibility too,” Grandpa admitted. “Though if he would like to spend the night with him, he should let us know!”

“I’m sure he would do that. And I don’t remember Bron to be that irresponsible either,” Grandma mused.

“I hope you are right…” Grandpa sighed, placing his huge body back on the ground, waiting for Littlefoot to show up.

*

“I knew it was a bad idea to stay away from home for so long…” Littlefoot was already far too late. Unless there were special days or nightly lessons of the Great Valley’s eldest Thicknose, the little Longneck was usually expected home before the Night Circle was high up in the sky. That moment had long since passed and he was beginning to feel the tiredness that usually came soon after that. Luckily, he was almost home.

“Hello Grandpa, hello Grandma!” he called from the distance as soon as he spotted his grandparents at their nesting area.

“Littlefoot!” Grandma Longneck sighed in relief.

“I’m sorry for being late… but Ali and I were at the other side of the valley so we kinda had a long way back home,” Littlefoot explained with an apologetic expression.

“We were worried about you, Littlefoot,” Grandpa stated in a neutral voice. “But anyway, how was your day my grandson?” A slight smile quickly flashed across the elderly Longneck’s face.

“Well, Ali and I had a lot of fun again!” Littlefoot chuckled as the memories of the day returned to his mind. “We’ll meet early tomorrow if there’s nothing you two have planned.”

“Well, after you’ve had your breakfast, dear, you may go play tomorrow,” Grandma Longneck spoke warmly. “Though now it is time for you to sleep, Littlefoot.”

“Yes, I’m already a little tired,” Littlefoot admitted reluctantly which earned him a chuckle of his grandpa.

“You must have had a very eventful day,” he mused, chuckling heartily.

“You bet,” the young Longneck replied, yawning a little.

“How did the meeting with your father go by the way?” Grandma Longneck asked as she prepared her grandson’s sleeping spot.

“Oh right…”  Littlefoot had almost forgot about that after the things that had happened thereafter with Ali.

“Well, it went alright,” Littlefoot mentioned. “I ended up telling him about how I and my friends found the Great Valley back then. He seemed to enjoy hearing about Sharptooth and about... my mother but… I have a feeling he doesn’t like my friends because they’re not Longnecks like me…”

“Well, your friends aren’t here, Littlefoot, so there shouldn’t be any problems,” Grandma Longneck spoke warmly though Grandpa remained cautious.

“He hates other kinds, Littlefoot. It might be better for the time being if you don’t mention your friends while he is present.”

“Why? What is so wrong about other kinds? They’re not much different at all!” Littlefoot complained. “I was shocked back then when Ali was afraid of my friends, she was taught that way by her herd.”

“Well, some dinosaurs do not like to mix with other kinds, Littlefoot,” Grandma Longneck explained carefully.

“That’s what my mother told me too…” Littlefoot grumbled.

“I am sure that Bron will tell you why he thinks that way if you ask him kindly,” his grandma encouraged him. “Though now, let us get ready for the night.”

“Yes, Grandma,” Littlefoot responded, yawning, curling himself up in his sleeping spot and falling asleep quickly.

Only then, Grandpa, whose mood had dropped significantly during the talk, dared to speak up to his mate.

“I am not sure if Littlefoot should hear this, dear…”

“What are you talking about? Surely, it is alright for him to ask?” she responded, surprised by her mate’s words.

“You do not know the story since you weren’t there at the time… you were away looking for food when it happened.”

Grandma still didn’t get what Grandpa was alluding to, giving him a questioning look.

“Well… there was a reason why we suddenly left our original nesting area in a hurry…”

*

As Hart strolled through the calmness of the night, looking for the plant, he was thinking about the plans that were constantly shaping in his head.

“Hmm, this is a good place. Lots of food, lots of water… enough space… and it has defined borders. Just too many people around here!” As Hart carefully lifted his feet above the tail of a sleeping Longneck, he felt the sudden urge to stomp on the Longneck in question - however, he knew it wouldn’t do him and his agenda any good so he quickly trashed that thought again.

“Maybe I should stay here for a little longer. Those pests should leave as soon as the event has occurred. Few might stay but I can chase them out if necessary. However, I will need to find the plant here, otherwise this place is worthless for me too!” Hart just hoped he would find it here. He had never seen a place so fertile since the day his home had become a hostile desert. It would be the perfect place to set his evil plans into motion.

“Ricky is a good guy but he lacks recklessness. He always does as I tell him and he worships me for what I stand for but would he be able to replace me one day? None of the other brats were of any use. I never wanted any females, only keeping them in case they could become useful one day… but they were weak. And the two boys were stupid and useless. Shorty even ruined my plans back then, stealing MY offspring. I have to find a female and mate with her as soon as I can… Ricky will be useful but he won’t understand what I am planning…”

*

A little later:

“That’s horrible, why have you never told me?!” Grandma was shocked to hear the story her mate had just told her.

“I don’t know, dear. Either way, this is why Bron thinks so low of any kind other than ours. And this is why Littlefoot shouldn’t know. He has only made positive experiences with other kinds in his life and I don’t want him to know about this. I doubt Bron would tell him the truth but I wouldn’t encourage him nonetheless.”

“Well, I’m sure he will have forgotten about it by tomorrow anyway,” Grandma sighed slightly.

“Probably… yes. I just hope he takes our advice when he meets him again.”

“I’m sure he will, dear. Now let’s settle for the night ourselves,” Grandma suggested.

“Yes, yes… you are right. Goodnight dear,” Grandpa spoke, both Longnecks finally laying down on the ground in a protective circle around their grandson, their heads resting on each other’s as they usually would.

*

“Ali, you’re late!” Ali had just arrived back home where her very unamused mother was waiting for her.

“Hello Mom, I’m sorry,” Ali stated quickly. “You didn’t say when exactly I should be back home so I assumed I was allowed to stay out until the dark,” the young female explained. “Oh blast it! Don’t ruin everything, mom!”

“Well, that was quite a bit ago though!” her mother retorted sharply.

“I still had to walk back home after all, mom,” Ali retorted. “And say goodbye to Littlefoot…” she added in her mind.

“Please don’t make me worry about you like that, dear. I’ve had a whole life’s share of worrying about you as it is…” Fiona sighed deeply as she relaxed visibly.

“Sorry, mom…” Ali apologised, looking down on the ground.

“It is okay, Ali, I’m not mad.”

“Is it okay, when I always come home like today, Mom? There are no dangers here, are there?” Ali pointed out, giving her mother a slight puppy face to look at.

Fiona sighed.

“I suppose I cannot argue about that. I would like you to be with someone if you stay out for so long though in case you get lost.”

“I’m with Littlefoot most of the time, we’ll be perfectly fine, Mom!” Ali reassured.

“Right… then you may,” her mother spoke hesitantly which earned her a quick hug from her daughter. She did not fail to notice the sparks in her daughter’s eyes when she mentioned her friend.

“Thanks mom, you’re the best mom ever!” Ali exclaimed, smiling.

Fiona couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Those are some big words out of the mouth of a small girl.” Fiona gave her daughter a quick nuzzle. “Now, though, let’s tuck you in really quick, dear. You must be tired after such an exciting day.”

“Okay, good night,” Ali called, knowing it was useless to complain. She wasn’t feeling particularly tired yet but she didn’t mind having to go to sleep now. There were a lot of wonderful things to think about after all until sleep would come eventually.

*

Meanwhile…

“Keep moving, I can almost see the shore!”

The group of four children waded through a swamp surrounded by vegetation everywhere. Lots of rotten logs, water lilies and insects could be seen around them as they finally made it towards the shore after many hours of crossing it. However, there were also crocodiles just waiting for such little young ones to walk right into their mouth. Though not these four young ones. As they climbed onto the grassy shore, one of them started to brag.

“Hah! Guess I taught that guy not to mess with a Threehorn!” While the Threehorn continued to bathe in her pride after accidently saving her friends from one of those hungry creatures, the others crawled onto the land exhaustedly.

“Now that we on dry land, can we please find place to sleep?” the Flyer asked groggily. It was already quite dark, merely moments away from the rise of the Night Circle.

“Like where for instance?” the Threehorn responded, shrugging.

Just at that moment, the Flyer walked right into a rock due to walking with his eyes closed.

“This look good to me…” he mumbled before dozing off in an instant. Nobody seemed to object his choice.

With groggy steps, a swimmer dragged herself over to the rock the flyer had bumped into.

“Do not worry, Cera, we will find Littlefoot in the morning, yep, yep… yep.” She spoke with a tired voice. As soon as she had arrived at the rock, she curled herself up, snoozing off quickly. The Threehorn and the Spiketail, who was the forth member of the group, joined them without another word. Within a blink of an eye, all four were sound asleep.

*****

Oh come on, you didn't seriously think I was going to leave the Gang out of this, did you?  :lol

Well, I believe it took me about two dozen chapters to describe the events of one single day... at that rate, the story will have hundreds of chapters :DD I think the last scene was a good one to round it up.

The next chapter will start the next day... which will be no less eventful I think :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on December 20, 2016, 02:22:25 PM
And the gang arrives on the scene.  :DD

We have some serious plot developments in this chapter or, more accurately, hints at plot developments as of yet unseen.  

It seems that Bron has had a history with non-longnecks that has led to his dislike of other kinds, but the details are unclear as of yet.  I wonder if the grandparents will be surprised if Littlefoot tells them about his friends' experience with unkind members of other species (the domeheads that tried to murder Cera, the longnecks that took all of their food, etc.) but yet his view of other kinds did not change.  

On the other side of the equation We now have Hart showing that he is truly heartless (as if we needed any more proof of that).  Hart is the classic sociopathic personality type and I can sense that no redemption is possible for him.  Though, for Ricky and Shorty, perhaps there is time?

I look forward to seeing what develops in the next chapter.  I wonder if Littlefoot might press the point about his father's dislike of other kinds.  If so... I wonder what he may discover.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on December 21, 2016, 01:15:01 AM
Enjoyed this chapter very much! Particularly the hints at a darker plot from Hart, and some signs of self-restraint from Shorty... which was a nice surprise :lol

I also like the further development of Bron's history... really interested to see where this goes :D
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Fyn16 on December 21, 2016, 01:36:10 AM
And now we see some more of Hart's bitterness come into play. Seriously, that guy spells nothing but trouble.

This chapter was quite an entertaining read, and I'm pleased to see many improvements since I last looked at this story for the fanfiction reviews! I look forward to seeing how the Gang will now fit into this story arc. it was also nice to see Shorty's evolving character. The Shorty of old would have acted on instinct in a heartbeat, but- as has already been mentioned by others- he's managed to restrain himself. I'm rooting for him!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 21, 2016, 02:05:42 AM
Thanks for the reviews, guys! :lol

Quote
And the gang arrives on the scene. dino_happier.gif
^^spike

Quote
It seems that Bron has had a history with non-longnecks that has led to his dislike of other kinds, but the details are unclear as of yet. I wonder if the grandparents will be surprised if Littlefoot tells them about his friends' experience with unkind members of other species (the domeheads that tried to murder Cera, the longnecks that took all of their food, etc.) but yet his view of other kinds did not change.
I took me quite a bit of puzzling trying to write this without revealing everything prematurely :p  To be super completely honest, I didn't think of the few negative interactions Littlefoot had in LBT 1 there but I don't think it created a plot hole, did it? :p
Anyway, you'll have to wait a little longer until you may hear more about Bron's past ;) (hopefully not because of my laziness :angel )

Quote
On the other side of the equation We now have Hart showing that he is truly heartless (as if we needed any more proof of that). Hart is the classic sociopathic personality type and I can sense that no redemption is possible for him. Though, for Ricky and Shorty, perhaps there is time?
Oh... Hart is super evil  ^^spike As for Shorty and Ricky, let's just say I have more in store (and I think it's safe to say that I'm not 100% sure myself how the story ends for them yet :lol)

Quote
I look forward to seeing what develops in the next chapter. I wonder if Littlefoot might press the point about his father's dislike of other kinds. If so... I wonder what he may discover.
Now that we know the gang is coming to the party... I think that will have to happen at SOME point in the story either way :p

Quote
Enjoyed this chapter very much! Particularly the hints at a darker plot from Hart, and some signs of self-restraint from Shorty... which was a nice surprise dino_laugh.gif
haha, even Shorty can be somewhat reasonable sometimes :smile In this case, he knew there was nothing to gain for him so he... restrained himself ;)

Quote
I also like the further development of Bron's history... really interested to see where this goes biggrin.gif
To be fair, I'm no less excited. I'm just curious to see where the story takes me in regards to his history. We've seen Littlefoot sharing his stories with Bron already... maybe Bron is going to share some of his too? Though, that, knowing me, might just end up turning into yet another fic within the fic  :angel

Quote
And now we see some more of Hart's bitterness come into play. Seriously, that guy spells nothing but trouble.
Hey Fyn, glad to see you're enjoying my story too :) Yeah, Hart is bad and worse than that :smile You'll realise this eventually, if you haven't already done so :lol

Quote
This chapter was quite an entertaining read, and I'm pleased to see many improvements since I last looked at this story for the fanfiction reviews! I look forward to seeing how the Gang will now fit into this story arc. it was also nice to see Shorty's evolving character. The Shorty of old would have acted on instinct in a heartbeat, but- as has already been mentioned by others- he's managed to restrain himself. I'm rooting for him!
Oh, I can't wait until I reach that point where the gang joins the party :smile It'll be so much much (though the main focus won't be on them, obviously)
And, we'll have to see how Shorty developes, stay tuned :)

(ugh, I actually wanted to work on something else now but replying to comments always makes me want to continue working on the story  ^^spike )
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Sovereign on December 21, 2016, 04:32:31 PM
The plot thickens slowly: I guess Hart's plans are beginning to move forwards soon and the Gang's arrival will bring more impacts to the overall situation in addition to simply making Bron and Littlefoot's relationship more awkward.  I have no idea yet what that'll be though.  :DD I'm wondering whether you'll drift even further from the main plot of the film but that would be spoiling. In any case, it'll be interesting to see whether Shorty will find it in himself to forgive Littlefoot in this fic or not or whether Ricky is going to follow his father blindly. Anyway, good job with this chapter!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 24, 2016, 04:57:12 AM
Quote
The plot thickens slowly: I guess Hart's plans are beginning to move forwards soon and the Gang's arrival will bring more impacts to the overall situation in addition to simply making Bron and Littlefoot's relationship more awkward. I have no idea yet what that'll be though. dino_happier.gif I'm wondering whether you'll drift even further from the main plot of the film but that would be spoiling. In any case, it'll be interesting to see whether Shorty will find it in himself to forgive Littlefoot in this fic or not or whether Ricky is going to follow his father blindly. Anyway, good job with this chapter!
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!  :lol

I think, in order to avoid spoilers, it's probably safest to say nothing in reply to your thoughts except for: Yes, the plot thickens indeed  ^^spike
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on December 30, 2016, 09:26:02 PM
That story update came rather quick for my standards...  :p

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 48

“Littlefoot… oh Littlefoot…”

As the Bright Circle rose above the crater-like valley, Fiona’s eyes were fixated on her daughter sleeping next to her restlessly while mumbling the name of a certain Longneck.

“Ali… is she already reaching that age when boys are beginning to become interesting?” Fiona wondered as she continued to watch Ali in her sleep. Even though the fact that her daughter was growing up caused her to worry about her girl a little, she couldn’t fail to chuckle about that circumstance.

“Well, at least I have something else to tease her with now,” she thought with a mischievous grin - teasing her daughter was something she loved to do. “Though it may also be about time to teach her about certain things… oh she’ll love that for sure.”

Fiona watched Ali for a few more minutes before she decided that it was about time to shake her little angel out of her romantic dreams… or so she assumed.

“Ali, wake up, dear,” she cooed, softly nudging the girl.

Ali took her time - despite dreaming vividly (or maybe just because of that) she slept like a rock! When she, eventually, woke up, she was perplexed and confused at first, her mind still caught in her dreams.

“Mommy, where is Littlefoot? He was right next to me and now he is gone. Where is he?” the young girl mumbled dreamily.

“Dear, Littlefoot is sleeping with his family. You must have been dreaming,” Fiona responded, highly amused.

“Oh okay then…” Ali mumbled, turning around, attempting to fall back into a slumber.

“Ali… even though I allowed you to stay out later than usual, you’ll still have to get up as early as always, otherwise…” Fiona was grinning.

“I’m awake…” Ali yawned quickly, reluctantly getting to her feet.

“Well, this worked…” Fiona mused as she got to her feet in order to gather some breakfast for Ali.

*

At the first signs of daylight, Hart had returned to his hideout before the herds started their morning businesses. Due to the interruption of his sleep the previous day, he was sleep-deprived anyway. Now, it would be time for Ricky to take over.

“Ricky, are you ready?” Hart snarled once the boy was awake.

“Always, sir!” Ricky responded quickly, rising. “What is it that you wanted me to look for?”

“Ah, you remembered it, very good,” Hart spoke in a slightly acknowledging manner. “I would like you to find out if there are any females around here looking for… a closer relationship. I’m sure you understand, Ricky?” The gaze of the grown-up was faraway, almost distant and dreamy. Quite unlike Hart as Ricky noted.

“Hmm, sir, does that mean you want to have eggs like back then when Shorty ran away after finding out about it?” Ricky speculated carefully. “I would really love to have some brothers and sisters again…”

“Yes… ever since that brat spoiled my last attempt to give you more siblings, son, we haven’t met any useful female. This place here is full of gossip-spreading, jabbering females. Listen to their nonsense and try to locate some that are looking for a male. I’ll take care of the rest…”

“Okay, understood, sir!” Ricky exclaimed. “I suppose the watering holes are a good place to start?”

“Quite…” Hart mused as he prepared to sleep, slowly retreating deeper into the cave system

“Okay… and what about looking for the plant?” Ricky reassured himself.

“The females have priority right now,” Hart explained. “If you happen to stumble upon it, good. If you don’t, that’s okay. I’ll look for it at night. Now go. Awaiting your report in the evening…” With that, Hart laid down to rest while Ricky left their hideout. After having some breakfast, he began to do his job…

*

After Ali had finished her breakfast, she quickly jogged to the berry bushes which was the meeting place she and Littlefoot had previously agreed upon, excited to meet her friend again. When she arrived there, there was no sign of her friend yet.

“Oh well, maybe his grandparents didn’t wake him up as early…” Ali remarked, still being tired from the rather short night - after all, she’d been lying awake for a long time before sleep had finally come. So many wonderful things had happened that she had to replay in her head the previous night. Though, things didn’t work the way she wanted.

“I still don’t understand why Littlefoot was acting so funny yesterday though… doesn’t he like me? I mean, he does but… does he like me the way I like him? Why can’t he just be awesome and do all the things I want to do with him?” Ali didn’t understand. Right now, all she wanted was him. All she wanted was to be with Littlefoot, to look at his strong body, his handsome features and his beautiful eyes, to chase across the whole valley playing tag and wrestling with him, to goof around while swimming in the water and to relax in the warmth of the Bright Circle, lying very close to him. However, it didn’t seem like Littlefoot was up to some of that.

“Well, maybe I’ll have to find out more about him and his feelings before trying again? I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me…” It would take Ali some self-control to accomplish that but the girl was determined to try. Before she could think about the matter any further, however, she spotted another familiar Longneck.

“Shorty… accompanied by Bron. Interesting…” Ali saw the green Longneck, standing at the big watering hole close to her herd’s nesting areas, watching how Shorty took a drink under the supervision of Bron. She wasn’t within hearing range but Ali could see Bron talk about something to the green boy who appeared to be listening with little interest.

“You’re better off not giving me that look when I talk to you later today my friend…” Ali thought grimly. “If Littlefoot doesn’t forget to ask Bron again, that is…maybe I should just ask him myself?”

Suddenly, Shorty turned his head, looking right at her, his expression showing slight hints of anger and annoyance.

“He must have seen me before I saw him…” Ali concluded. After all, Shorty hadn’t just spotted her by chance. He had directed his gaze at her location with lots of determination and precision.

“Hmm, so should I try to ignore him or should I be friendly?” Ali had to admit that both options seemed inviting at this point. On the one hand, Ali was still extremely mad at the green Longneck, but, on the other hand, some part of her believed in his promise to change for the better. Wouldn’t a smile be more encouraging than a cold stare?

“Yes, it would!” the girl concluded, therefore giving Shorty a quick smile, curious to see his reaction. She didn’t see his response coming though...

*

“Do you think I’m stupid, girl?”  Shorty was usually happy to see the pink girl but, today, seeing her only made everything worse - he hadn’t forgotten about her suggestive actions with a certain other Longneck…

“What do you think you’re doing there, Ali, huh? Acting all nice and friendly but stabbing me in the back with that Littlefoot guy, aren’t you?”  Shorty knew it wouldn’t help the situation but there had to be some opportunity to release at least a small portion of his anger so he gave the girl the coldest stare he could perform.

“I still love you, Ali, but you deserve that…”

*

“Idiot!” Ali’s expression turned from a friendly smile into an angry face in no time. “And that’s what I get for trying to be nice! Oh wait until we talk, my friend…” Frustrated by the actions of the boy, Ali deliberately looked into every direction but towards the watering hole until she could finally see Littlefoot joining her.

*

At the same time, Cera opened her eyes to see that they had overslept.

“Oh crap! Now how are we supposed to catch those stupid flatheads!?” Without hesitating she got to her feet, looking at the swimmer sleeping at her side critically. “Why did nobody wake me up? Urrrrghhh!!!”

“Ducky, wake up!” the Threehorn shouted fiercely.

Still very, very sleepy from the previous day’s adventures, Ducky reluctantly opened her eyes just a little chink. As Cera got up to wake the others, the smaller girl took a mighty yawn.

“It cannot be morning already, no, no, no…” she spoke up sleepily, hardly capable of keeping her eyes open. Once Cera was out of side, she simply laid back down, closing her eyes again.

“Petrie, let’s go! Get up!” Cera commanded as she arrived at the spot where the flyer was sleeping peacefully.

Petrie knew Cera too well - when he heard her angry voice, even while sleeping, he just knew he’d better do what she said so he, almost sound asleep, got to his feet, almost losing his balance, tripping over and falling on his back. Barely awake enough to pull himself back into a position that would allow for a better balance on the ground, Petrie yawned, his beak wide open.

“Me so tired! We go so far already…” he complained - all he wanted was going back to sleep at this point. Cera had already walked back to where Ducky was still resting on the grass.

“That’s ëcause we’re trying to catch up with Littlefoot!?” Cera retorted, talking as if the matter was as obvious as the fact that said Longneck wasn’t with them at this very moment while stomping away from the group. Ducky sighed as she finally got to her feet, taking a few staggering steps towards the Threehorn.

“But we still do not know if we are still going in the right direction…” Ducky mentioned. After all, they had been able to follow the Longnecks’ foot trails up to this point. However, now that they had managed to cross the swamp into which those foot trails had lead them, they couldn’t see them anymore.

Cera considered for a short moment, taking a quick observation of their immediate surroundings.

“I say we go around that big ol’ boulder and look for foot marks coming out of the icky place,” the Threehorn suggested, smiling for the first time.

“Whatever you say…” Ducky sighed, neither feeling up to question the Threehorn’s idea nor knowing a better plan herself.

*

Littlefoot instantly noticed that something was off when he arrived at their meeting point though he could not quite deduce what that something was.

“Hi Ali!” he called upon entering her hearing range. He had not forgotten about Ali’s odd behavior the previous day but chose not to think too much about it right now. Maybe, she wouldn’t repeat it today.

“Hi Littlefoot,” Ali answered as soon as Littlefoot had arrived at the scene, giving him a somewhat shy smile which didn’t express her current emotional situation at all though. At heart, she was still angry and disappointed. Which Littlefoot noticed.

“Everything alright?” the boy scanned her with a questioning expression.

Ali sighed.

“Well, I saw Shorty at the watering hole a few moments ago. I tried to be nice and smile at him and he only stared at me as if he wanted to hurt me…” the girl didn’t even try to hide her disappointment.

“I still don’t get why you even bother to be nice to him, Ali…” Littlefoot replied cautiously. “As far as I can tell, he’s only upsetting you.”

“He was a pretty nice guy before you showed up…” Ali spoke quietly. “And a good friend too. I want the Shorty back I got to know back then…”

“Are you blaming me?” Littlefoot wondered. “Except for that one time, I never met him…”

“No, but for some strange reason, he suddenly did these horrible things to Cho after you came..” Ali reasoned. “Oh well, now I’m happy to see you, let’s forget about him.”

“Yeah,” Littlefoot agreed. “Though, isn’t Shorty under arrest anyway? Then how could he even go to the watering hole?”

“He was with Bron,” Ali stated quickly. “I guess he has to go with him whenever he’s thirsty.”

“Hmm, maybe…” After a few thoughtful moments, he decided to focus on happier things than Shorty. “Anyway, Ali, I hope you didn’t have to wait too long here, my grandma didn’t let me go until I’d eat up.” He rolled his eyes in annoyance as he was reminded of it.

“And my mom woke me up too early…” Ali complained. “See, I was having a sleep story about the two of us having so much fun…” That wasn’t the full truth of course but, either way, Ali had a lot of fun in her dream…. While it lasted.

Littlefoot snickered at that.

“Haha, looks like our folks just want to annoy us, huh?”

“Yeah!” Ali shouted indignantly. After making a few especially annoyed faces, both broke into a short fit of laughter.

“Anyway, what are we gonna do today? Any ideas?” Littlefoot wondered.

“First, we visit Cho,” Ali announced, smiling. “After that… let’s think about that later, come on!”

“Okay,” Littlefoot agreed, chasing after Ali who was speeding ahead towards the nesting area of the little girl.

*

Suddenly, a loud snore startled Cera and Ducky for a moment. As Cera soon realised, it came from Spike who was the only member of the group she hadn’t woken up yet. She sighed.

“Will somebody PLEASE wake up Spike?”

“Spike…” Petrie had meanwhile walked over to the Spiketail, attempting to do the impossible since Spike was a deep sleeper. Shaking his legs with his puny arms. “Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!!!” he sqeaked a little louder which finally had the desired effect. Spike’s eyes opened - only a little but they did so nonetheless. Confused, he looked at his friends.

“That’s better!” Cera declared, turning away from Spike to go ahead. However...

*

“First!” Ali exclaimed, breathing heavily as she arrived at the nesting area of Cho and her mother. Littlefoot was lagging behind significantly, only arriving about 15 seconds later.

“I’ll never race you so soon after my breakfast again!” the boy complained, the rich breakfast of his grandma having quite a negative effect on his condition.

Ali could only chuckle about that.

“Just admit that I’m faster than you, silly,” the girl teased.

“In your sleep-stories…” Littlefoot grumbled.

Suddenly, a female voice could be heard laughing audibly.

“I can see you two like each other quite a bit if you try so hard to annoy each other.”

“Yuyun!” Ali shouted while laughing.

“Good morning, Ali. And you too, Littlefoot,” the female greeted the two children, walking out of the forest where Cho was recovering. “Cho is awake, you can visit her.” A smile flashed across her face.

“How is she doing?” Ali questioned curiously, a hint of worry remaining in her voice.

“Much better,” Yuyun confirmed, the relief clearly visible on her features. “The healers of the herd found a few rare healing plants here that can be used to keep wounds clean and ease the pain a lot. Cho can move a little now, they replaced her bandages last evening with bandages that had this stuff on.”

“That’s great!” Ali cheered. “Come on, Littlefoot, now you can finally get to know her!”

“Does she want to, Ali?” Littlefoot inquired. “I remember you telling me that she can be a bit uncomfortable around strangers… I don’t want to upset her, you know…”

“I’ll ask her, just stay right there,” Ali chattered happily, turning around to meet the little Longneck while Littlefoot remained where he was.

“It’s not like my legs wanna move right now anyway…” Littlefoot muttered under his breath, still out of air.

“Awww, did Ali beat you in a race, Littlefoot?” Cho’s Mother chuckled as soon as Ali had disappeared behind the trees.

“My grandparents were fattening me with treestars this morning, I had a handicap!” Littlefoot replied, half laughing, half complaining.

“Well, try racing her in the afternoon again. Your disadvantage will turn into an advantage, you will see,” Yuyun spoke, smiling mischievously.

“Okay, I’ll try,” Littlefoot replied, shrugging.

“Oh, and I’m sure that Cho will be willing to get to know you, Littlefoot,” she added. “It’s correct that she doesn’t feel comfortable around strangers at all. However, Ali is around who means a lot to her. You’re a good friend of her so she’ll trust you.”

“I hope so,” Littlefoot sighed.

“I’m sure she will,” Yuyun reassured. “She has a few quirks but she is a very likeable dinosaur, especially since Ali is her friend. She’s much more open and less reclusive lately.”

“That’s good,” Littlefoot replied, still a bit nervous.

Meanwhile, Ali had arrived at Cho’s nest.

“Oh, hello Ali, I heard you coming,” the little Longneck spoke warmly as she spotted her only friend approaching her, attempting to perform a slight smile.

“Hello Cho, how are you doing?” Ali greeted the younger Longneck just as warmly.

Happiness and an almost familiar warmth spread through her whole body as Cho realised that she’d get to have another chat with her only friend today. Ali was so nice to her, visiting her every day at least once. It made her feel liked - a feeling still pretty unfamiliar to her as she was just starting to get used to it.

“Much better,” came the response of the girl with the black skin almost immediately. “The new medicine of the healers is a blessing! It stinks terribly but I only feel dull pain “nstead of the sharp, stinging one. I can also move a little, see?” Proudly, Cho rearranged her legs and wiggled with some of her toes as well as her tail.

“That’s great, Cho! The smell is not too bad. If it’s helping…”

“It is,” Cho reassured. “A lot.”

“Hopefully, we can go swimming soon!” Ali cheered, Cho joining in.

“Yes, I cannot wait, Ali!” the girl agreed, giggling a little which, however, seemed to cause her some pain. “Remind me not to laugh yet, that still hurts a lot.” She went for a sad smile instead.

“Sure, I’ll try not to be too funny then,” Ali promised.

“Did you make any progress on my puzzle, Ali?” Cho then wondered with a hint of a mischievous smile.

“Uhm, not yet,” Ali admitted. “I’ve thought about it quite a lot but... “

“It’s okay, Ali. I did not expect you to figure it out that fast,” Cho explained in her usual mysterious manner when she was talking in riddles. “It took me almost a full circle of the Night Circle to make the connection. Just keep your eyes open and use your head.” Cho advised.

“Wait…” Ali was confused now. “What are you talking about, Cho?”

“Well, before I could tell you the puzzle, I had to figure out myself that we have so much in common… and what,” Cho tried to explain. “Ehm… I must confess though that I know something that you don’t… but you can figure it out even without knowing that.” She gave a shy smile. “One day she’ll figure it out either way…”

“You’re so encouraging, Cho…” Ali sighed with slight sarcasm. “Instead of just telling me… silly girl.”

Cho grinned, taking Ali’s words as a compliment.

“Anyway, Cho. I brought my friend Littlefoot with me today. Would you like to meet him?” Now Ali was curious.

Cho seemed to be cautious at first. Her old ways told her to run away and hide somewhere where she could be alone. But part of her didn’t want to be that old self of her anymore. Part of her was trying to remind her of the fact that she now had a friend to look up to who accepted and liked her the way she was and unconditionally at that! It was because of this that Cho’s expression instead forged into a weak smile… and because of something else...

“You have a crush on him, Ali, do you not?” Cho failed to hide her amusement as she saw Ali’s grotesk face.

“Why no!” Ali protested even though she knew she couldn’t hide it from Cho who had long since seen right through her, apparently.

The girl gave a very meaningful sly grin before answering Ali’s actual question.

“Sure, I am curious,” Cho answered, speaking in a very formal manner. “If he is your friend, then I will try to be less odd.”

“I’m sure he’s going to appreciate that!” Ali laughed. “Be right back!”

“No need to hurry, I will be glued to this place for a few more days anyway,” Cho sighed with some self-irony.

Ali shook her head, laughing. Hardly a minute later, she was back at her side, Littlefoot making himself comfortable on the ground to be more on eye-level with the younger girl, though keeping a respectable distance. Both felt slightly awkward around each other

“R-right…” Ali voiced up to break the awkward moment. “Cho, this is my friend Littlefoot.”

“Friend or… friend?” the little girl had found her previous state of mind back, a mischievous look on her face.

Ali rolled her eyes.

“Cho, are you sure the medicine isn’t making you funny in the head?”

“I do not think so, Ali,” Cho replied, not changing her expression a tiny bit.

“Silly girl, she’s acting the very other kind of odd today…” Ali mused, not being able to refrain herself from noting that her friend was unusually merry today.

“And this, Littlefoot, is my friend Cho… who is trying to be witty today,” Ali continued, sending a little twinkle of her eye in the girl’s direction.

“Hello Cho, nice to meet you,” Littlefoot spoke up warmly.

“Hello Littlefoot, Ali has already told me a few things about you,” Cho replied, her tone switching back to formal. “If it is okay, I would like to know more about you, Littlefoot.”

“She’s curious,” Ali mentioned, grinning.

“Same here, I’m also curious,” Littlefoot spoke in a reply to both girls, directing the second part of his message directly at Cho though. “It looks like we’ll see each other more often, since Ali is our both friend so it’s important to know each other a bit, isn’t it?”

Cho nodded.

“Friend or… friend?” Despite the pain it caused her, Cho giggled.

Littlefoot and Ali joined her. Ali was just happy to see Cho happy which was a rare event as it was while Littlefoot simply did so out of politeness, not really understanding the joke.

“Well, go ahead then. Or would you like me to tell things about me?” Littlefoot offered with a kind smile.

“Oh, I think I could do that too…” Ali smirked… but Littlefoot ignored her.

“I will ask questions… if that is okay,” Cho answered, a little shy all of a sudden.

“Go ahead, I don’t bite.” Littlefoot was curious what kind of questions would expect him. So far, Cho had not shown any of the characteristics that she was known for. Much rather, she was acting quite like a normal kid in his opinion. “A bit funny.. But I’ve seen worse.”

“You are the son of my herd leader Bron, is that right?” It was a rhetorical question only but it served the young girl well in overcoming her social fear by starting off easy.

Littlefoot confirmed. Cho continued, the shyness slowly reducing itself.

“I have heard rumors about the story but never the truth so I would really like to know… why were you separated from your father, Littlefoot? Did you know him before you met him here?”

“Well, I can only repeat the story that my dad has told me, Cho. He was looking for a place to live for my family - the Great Valley, to be exact. He never found it. When he returned to our old home, he could only find a huge rift in the land - everything was abandoned. Well, he was trying to find me for a long time apparently but, eventually, ended up becoming a herd leader.”

“It is a sad story,” Cho stated matter-of-factly. “So, until now, you did not know your father?” The girl gave Littlefoot an apologetic look. She understood what he was feeling and what hardships he must have gone through.

“Even worse… I didn’t even know I had a father to begin with…” Littlefoot exclaimed, uttering a cold laugh. “I never thought much about having a father since I didn’t know it any other way…”

“I am sorry…” Cho spoke quietly. “If my questions are too personal, you do not need to answer them if you do not want to…”

“Hey, don’t worry, Cho,” Littlefoot replied, offering a kind smile. “Ask anything you want, only that way we can get to know each other.”

“As long as you quit asking what kind of friends we are…” Ali muttered in fake indignation.

Cho returned the smile weakly.

“Okay, I am just not used to being open and others being open towards me. I am not used to people being so kind towards me either…”

“Except for me?” Ali offered.

“Yes, of course, Ali,” Cho replied with the hint of a smile on her face.

“It’s fine, go on. Ask.” Littlefoot offered.

Cho cleared her throat, her nervosity easing down again.

“Okay, so… if your father did not raise you, you only had your mother?”

“... and grandparents,” Ali added, helping her friend out a little.

“Yes…” Littlefoot affirmed, though he was hesitant.

“Did I ask something wrong?” Cho wondered as she tried to analyse the older Longneck’s reaction - one of the few things she was talented at.

“He is hesitant so there must be something that he doesn’t like talking about… hmm.” Then, suddenly, realisation hit her. “Oh no…”

“You see, Cho… “ Littlefoot was trying to formulate his next words very carefully. He didn’t know if the younger child was familiar with death so he chose not to say his next message directly.

“My grandparents are taking care of me… just like Yuyun is taking care of you, Cho. She is not your real mother is she? You were one of the orphaned hatchlings that…”

“... that Shorty protected, yes,” Ali finished.

“Well, my mother is always there too even if I cannot see her. I just know she is watching over me wherever I am… and, if I need advice, I sometimes just have to listen to my heart… very closely.”

Nobody spoke for some moments as everybody present let the words sink in.

“Are-are these things your mother told you, Littlefoot?” Ali wondered, awe-struck, never having heard them herself.

“If so, then she must have been a very wise dinosaur. These words are so beautiful… and true.” Cho gave Littlefoot an extremely apologetic look. “I cannot put in words how sorry I am for your loss, Littlefoot, so sorry…”

“Okay, she does understand death, good…” the boy noted.

“Listen to your heart… it whispers… so listen closely… those were her last words,” Littlefoot confirmed with a sad smile. “It happened during the Great Earthshake, my mother was protecting me from the meanest, biggest and strongest Sharptooth and lost the fight. We got separated during the earthshake but I found her just before she died. That was a long time ago though - I must have been younger than you are right now, Cho…”

“What happened then? You must have been very sad and far too young to care for yourself…”

“Just tell her the short version for the time being, Littlefoot,” Ali suggested, snickering. “For the long version is a story for a whole afternoon!”

Littlefoot nodded.

“I was depressed, didn’t eat and didn’t care about life anymore. Eventually, I met a few friends who helped me to get over the loss. Together, we found the way to the Great Valley. My mother knew the way so I followed my heart whenever I didn’t know where to go. It lead me right there.”

“How long did that journey take you?” Cho continued to ask. There were so many questions. Ali’s friend was much more interesting than she had anticipated.

“At least two Night Circle cycles… I can only guess…” came Littlefoot’s response.

“Hence it takes so long to tell,” Ali mused.

“Is it still your home?”

“The Great Valley?” Littlefoot wondered. “Yes, it is.”

“And, how is it like?”

“Imagine this valley, Cho, just bigger and surrounded by even higher mountains,” Ali jumped in.

“And it’s filled with all sorts of kinds, other than this place which is Longnecks-only,” Littlefoot added.

As he was reminded of his beautiful home, a stinging sensation made itself known in the boy’s stomach for a few seconds. He missed his home. Even though this place was reaching very close in terms of food and water sources, it just wasn’t the same. And, although he had Ali and his dad here, he missed his friends greatly. However, just as quick as Cho had pushed him into this moment of homesickness through her words, she managed to pull him out of it again.

“I have so many more questions, but I would like to give you the chance to ask me, Littlefoot,” Cho suddenly announced, shifting in her nest a little - she was now looking up directly at Littlefoot who had taken a few steps towards her after coming to the realisation that Cho felt comfortable around him. Then, she gave the older Longneck a smile that almost had a hint of admiration in it.

“That’s kind of you, Cho,” Littlefoot replied while returning the gesture. “I’ve had quite a few questions as it is but now I have even more!” He chuckled, giving Ali a short questioning glance. “Cho doesn’t seem odd to me at all, is she just acting or is this really how she usually behaves?” He’d have to interrogate Ali later about that.

“It is not any different for me,” Cho confirmed.

“Before I start bombarding you with questions, should I sit down?” Littlefoot spoke wondering upon inspecting the girl’s current resting position. Her head was looking almost straight upwards to him now that he stood right next to her.

“No, I am resting comfortably right now, do not worry,” Cho responded, moving her tail a little as she did so. “Now go ahead, I am curious.”

“Alright!” Littlefoot took a deep breath, trying to decide what to ask first. Should he ask her about her personality first? After all she acted unlike what he was told - quite to his liking, admittedly. On the other hand, though, he was also curious about her past. So far, he only knew that she was an orphan that Shorty found being an orphan himself who were taken in by Bron, his dad. But where did she come from? Why had she been an orphan to begin with? And what happened to her family and were they still alive? He knew that Shorty still had a family somewhere… a family he ran away from, frankly. And then there was the lingering question why Cho was despised by everybody around her, why others pushed her around, called her names and hurt her in more ways than he could name. That thought, ultimately, lead him to take a look at the girl with the black skin looking up at him expectantly. Littlefoot had been a witness of how she got her injuries so he could only imagine what pain she must have gone through and what kind of horrible injuries were hidden beneath those stinky bandages. He then decided to address just that.

“Well, Ali and I were kind of watching when this…” he pointed at Cho’s bandages with a downcast expression. “...when this happened. We heard you scream and we tried to get help. I can only faintly assume how much pain it must be causing you right now… and I wonder how you manage to smile despite of all that.”

Littlefoot noted Ali shifting closer to him upon him mentioning this - still remembering how upset the girl had been back then.

“Yes, I am feeling pain. It has become a part of being me,” Cho responded slowly. “Since the healers gave me improved bandages covered in a paste made out of healing plants, the pain is much easier to bear though.”

“So that’s what’s smelling so funny here?” Littlefoot joked, giving Ali a smirk. “Or have you eaten those sweet fruits again, Ali?”

Despite not fully understanding the context, Cho chuckled a little while Ali glared at her friend.

“Yes, it is the paste indeed,” Cho revealed. “Before I had it, the pain was so bad that I could hardly talk or move… but I am feeling so much better since.”

“Amazing, that girl has backbone…” Now it was Littlefoot to bestow the young girl with a look of admiration. Exchanging another glance with Ali, he continued.

“I know Ali already talked about it with you but… do you know why Shorty did this to you?”

“Well… I do understand his motivations quite well although I cannot say I am happy about the things he did. I instantly knew that he was changed when he attacked me this time…” Cho answered. “Though that was quite easy to understand. Shorty is very easy to understand if you know him like I do…”

“Which means?” Littlefoot pressed the matter. He noticed Ali communicating with the injured girl through gestures though he couldn’t deduce what it was all about. Though then, Ali saved him the trouble of finding out himself.

“You should know… Cho loves to talk in riddles…” Ali couldn’t hide the sarcasm of her words as she exchanged another meaningful glance with Cho.

“In other words, I will have to figure it out myself?” Littlefoot inquired.

Cho was expressing some mischief as she said her next words.

“Yes, you understood that right, Littlefoot.”

While Littlefoot began to realise that he had just been confronted with the kind of behavior he was warned of for the first time here, Ali leaned over to Cho.

“I think you should give him a few hints,” Ali whispered, both girls giggling though Cho stopped dead in her tracks when the wave of pain made her regret it instantly.

“Go ahead,” she instructed, giving a sore smile.

Ali quickly apologised before recalling what Cho had told her about Shorty’s motivations (or what she believed them to be, rather) the previous day before finding the right words.

“Something happened on this very day that affected not one but two Longnecks. Both were full of wrath - one crying and the other making others cry…”

“That was excellent, Ali, you are learning!” Cho mused, nodding when Ali looked in her direction. Meanwhile, Littlefoot was looking at the trees behind Cho as he considered Ali’s words with great care.

“Something happened but… what? Shorty attacked but that can’t be it - I already know that! It must be something else, something…” Littlefoot’s brain was steaming. He was determined to figure it out as soon as he could. “One of those two Longnecks was Shorty but who was the other one? Ali?! After all, she did cry and she was angry… but that was BECAUSE of what he did! It can’t be that either! Ugh!”

While her friend was puzzling about her riddle, Ali giggled. “He is making so funny faces when he is thinking!” As she was just about to pull a few funny faces to distract him, Cho suddenly shook her head a little.

“Don’t disturb him,” she whispered. Ali listened - she knew Cho had her reasons when she asked her to do things even if they didn’t make sense in her ears. After all, what was more hilarious than trying to piss off Littlefoot?

“Hmm, it really can’t be that, it must have happened earlier than that… I need to go backwards in time… What were Ali and I doing before it happened?” Littlefoot had a feeling that the answer was close. Closing his eyes, he saw the scene in front of his inner eye again. He was walking down from the walls, seeing Ali who had prepared some flowers and berries for him. He remembered feeling sad. “Why was that again? Oh…” That was when realisation hit him.

*

“... Well, I have to leave now,” Bron eventually spoke, after staying around Shorty at their nesting area for a little after returning from the watering hole, eating breakfast.

“About time he finally shuts up!” Shorty thought aggressively, Bron’s carefree chitchat annoying and boring him to the bone. A horny couple was less annoying to listen to…

“As I mentioned yesterday… if you continue to behave yourself, I will loosen the punishment a little as a reward as well as to give you a chance to prove that your word is rightful and true. I am trusting the word of those who watch you just as well as yours. Have a nice day, Shorty.” With that Bron walked away towards a group of Longnecks - members of the herd.

“Well, as annoying as he is… he won’t hold his grudge. I just have to bear his crap for a few more days I guess…” With that, Shorty took his position on the ground, closing his eyes and waiting for time to drag on.

*

“The answer is… me?” Littlefoot exclaimed, the girls’ eyes directed at him. “I am the reason for this, why though?”

“Well, this is only half true but close enough,” Cho spoke in a mysterious voice. “You see, Littlefoot, it is not so much you who made him so angry but your father and the fact that, all of a sudden, Shorty was not important to him anymore because he now had you!”

“And that’s the reason for Shorty to do such a horrible thing?!” Littlefoot didn’t want to believe the words of the younger dinosaur.

“Unfortunately, yes…” Ali sighed.

“Well, I hope he has talked to Bron about this!” Littlefoot exclaimed loudly. “I never meant to take Bron away from Shorty!”

“I’ll tell him, okay?” Ali offered. When Littlefoot gave her a questioning look, she added. “Remember, silly… I wanted to talk to him yesterday already. I’ll ask Bron whether I may while you are meeting him later…”

“Oh… right!” Littlefoot remembered now. “Uhh, anyway, I think I still owe Cho a few questions!”

*

Suddenly, just as Cera was about to start looking for the footprints of Littlefoot and his Grandparents, a much deeper and louder snore sounded across the little clearing they were residing in. Cera was beginning to get really pissed off by now.

“Spike, I mean it! Get up right…” That was, when Cera noticed that Spike was wide awake, staring at her, a questioning mark hanging in the air. “What the heck is that???” Cera wondered, a slight amount of worry mixing into her annoyance.

“That. Not. Spike,” Petrie stated matter-of-factly.

Upon inspecting the boulder next to them a bit more closely, Ducky piped up as well.

“I did not know boulders could snore…”

That was when Cera noticed that something was wrong. Awfully wrong.

“They can’t… BUT SHARPTEETH CAN!!!”

~~~~~

Right, in this chapter, we get to know Cho completely different than she was being described thus far. Don't worry, this is not a continuity error  ^^spike

The chapter doesn't move the plot forward a lot but it has lots of character interaction and development, apparently :p So yeah, I hope you liked it :)

I have also tried to apply the constructive feedback that I received during the Fanfiction Award Voting in this chapter, especially in the second half. I've revamped the earlier parts that I had already written before reading the reviews a few days ago but I still think the second half of it is where you have to look for improvement in terms of writing style. Feel free to point out any errors, as harsh as it is to hear about them, I can't eliminate them without somebody pointing it out to me since I, as a writer of my own story, am biased a lot in this regard when I try to find them myself  :DD

Uhh, what else? Ah right... In the next chapter, an event is going to occur which will have a significant importance for the future of the story. However, it's very small so keep your eyes open to find out whenever I get to finish the next one  ^^spike
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on December 31, 2016, 01:44:59 AM
Yay! Another chapter :smile

It might be because it's 1 am here, but I can't think of any criticism this time :lol
I think this chapter flows very well! You had great transitions between separate plotlines :) I'm terrified for the poor female that Hart decides to harass :blink:
Also can't wait to see what role the rest of the gang plays in this! Great work, as always. Cho is quickly becoming one of my favorite OCs :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: ADFan185 on December 31, 2016, 09:07:10 AM
Awesome can't wait to read it tonight
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Sovereign on January 01, 2017, 11:50:14 AM
You did a very nice job with this chapter! It advanced the crucial plots in the story in a meaningful way, starting the new day nicely. For example the scene where Ali and Shorty exchanged glances was a subtle yet effective way to affirm the duo's rocky relationship. I imagine writing the about the Gang's journey to find Littlefoot was a difficult job. :lol In any case, using the film's dialogue works well and is a good way to advance their part in the story.

However, it was the scene where Littlefoot and Cho met which was the highlight of the chapter. The initial awkwardness was done pretty well and the interaction between the duo's different personalities was spot-on. Some nice touches like Littlefoot's hesitation to tell Cho about the concept of death really make scenes like these excel. Moreover, that whole part's dialogue was just great. The only remark I have is the fact that Ali has recently beaten Littlefoot in every game or race.

Otherwise, this chapter was very nice to read. This time, as Darkwolf said, the text flowed very well, creating a great level of pacing while advancing the crucial storylines. Good work!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on January 01, 2017, 12:19:28 PM
I can certainly see the improvement in this chapter.  Though the flow of the chapters have been improving steadily, in this chapter the flow is completely natural.  There is just the right about of dialogue and description to make a dialogue-heavy chapter flow well.  In terms of the events of this chapter, the Cho scene was by far the most important I think.  It shows us quite a bit more of her personality as she opens up.  It also shows her to be quite intuitive when it comes to seeing things that some others may not see.  I do fear for the Shorty/Littlefoot confrontation that is sure to come, however.  Likewise I also fear for whichever female Hart decides to 'court'.  I think most longneck females would rather date Redclaw than deal with how Hart really is.

A very good chapter.  :) I eagerly await the next installment.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 01, 2017, 03:21:46 PM
Thanks for the reviews, guys :)

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It might be because it's 1 am here, but I can't think of any criticism this time dino_laugh.gif
Or maybe I was extra careful to make it great? :p Well, I did take great care writing this one and I will continue to do so, yep, yep, yep!

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I think this chapter flows very well! You had great transitions between separate plotlines smile.gif
That's great to hear :)

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I'm terrified for the poor female that Hart decides to harass blink.gif
That is assuming his mission (or rather, Ricky's) will succeed. :p But yÈah... he's not up to any good deed...

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Also can't wait to see what role the rest of the gang plays in this! Great work, as always. Cho is quickly becoming one of my favorite OCs smile.gif
That will have to wait a little longer but their role will become apparent eventually, though they won't play a very important role in this story. It didn't seem right to leave them out completely though :yes
Cho is my favourite OC too  ^^spike

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You did a very nice job with this chapter! It advanced the crucial plots in the story in a meaningful way, starting the new day nicely. For example the scene where Ali and Shorty exchanged glances was a subtle yet effective way to affirm the duo's rocky relationship
¥
Thanks, I'm glad you think so. The scene you mention was a spontaneous idea of mine, admittedly. After Shorty had seen Ali with Littlefoot the other night, I thought it would have been interesting to have the two of them meet :smile Though, as indicated, Ali has plans of talking some more sense into him later that day, yep, yep, yep!

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I imagine writing the about the Gang's journey to find Littlefoot was a difficult job. dino_laugh.gif
How do you mean? Do I see some sarcasm there? :lol: So far, I have only been referenc“ng the scenes as seen in the 10th movie, however I will also include scenes of their journey which aren't in the movie.

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In any case, using the film's dialogue works well and is a good way to advance their part in the story.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Why come up with something completely new, when we got decent scenes as it is? I'm adding thoughts and description at least :smile

Quote
However, it was the scene where Littlefoot and Cho met which was the highlight of the chapter. The initial awkwardness was done pretty well and the interaction between the duo's different personalities was spot-on. Some nice touches like Littlefoot's hesitation to tell Cho about the concept of death really make scenes like these excel. Moreover, that whole part's dialogue was just great. The only remark I have is the fact that Ali has recently beaten Littlefoot in every game or race.
Thanks, and the scene is far from being finished yet :yes Littlefoot is on an unlucky streak, huh?  ^^spike

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Otherwise, this chapter was very nice to read. This time, as Darkwolf said, the text flowed very well, creating a great level of pacing while advancing the crucial storylines. Good work!
That's great to hear, my efforts are paying off ^^spike

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I can certainly see the improvement in this chapter. Though the flow of the chapters have been improving steadily, in this chapter the flow is completely natural. There is just the right about of dialogue and description to make a dialogue-heavy chapter flow well.
Thanks, that's good to hear :)

Quote
In terms of the events of this chapter, the Cho scene was by far the most important I think. It shows us quite a bit more of her personality as she opens up. It also shows her to be quite intuitive when it comes to seeing things that some others may not see.
Yeah, Cho begins to open up as she discovers that there is an alternative to her previous way of behavior. She now begins to learn and appreciate friendship.

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I do fear for the Shorty/Littlefoot confrontation that is sure to come, however.
Yes, there certainly is a lot of tension. :smile

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Likewise I also fear for whichever female Hart decides to 'court'. I think most longneck females would rather date Redclaw than deal with how Hart really is.
That is still an understatement I believe :p However, the females don't know how Hart really is
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Fyn16 on January 03, 2017, 09:51:59 PM
Well executed! I rather enjoyed this chapter, and in it you've proven that you've got a knack for good dialogue. Seriously, everyone felt in-character here. They said things I would expect them to say, did things I would expect them to do. This chapter could have happened within the events of LBT X and it would have fit in perfectly on the big screen. I also noted that you've taken a great deal of the constructive criticism you received during the fanfic awards to heart! I felt more connected to the characters, Cho in particular- than I have before, and I really began to empathize with her plight. This was a shorter chapter, so I don't have much else to say, but I'd like to state again how impressed I am with the new chapter! Well done, and I'll be watching to see where we go from here!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 04, 2017, 12:26:43 PM
Quote
Well executed! I rather enjoyed this chapter, and in it you've proven that you've got a knack for good dialogue. Seriously, everyone felt in-character here. They said things I would expect them to say, did things I would expect them to do. This chapter could have happened within the events of LBT X and it would have fit in perfectly on the big screen. I also noted that you've taken a great deal of the constructive criticism you received during the fanfic awards to heart! I felt more connected to the characters, Cho in particular- than I have before, and I really began to empathize with her plight. This was a shorter chapter, so I don't have much else to say, but I'd like to state again how impressed I am with the new chapter! Well done, and I'll be watching to see where we go from here!
Thanks! :lol:

It's very encouraging to know that I've succeeded in applying the feedback and I'll try not to fall back into old habits, hehe  ^^spike

I've already written most of the Cho part of the next chapter so it might not take too long ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 15, 2017, 07:14:46 PM
Another somewhat in-time update, I suppose... this chapter is deep towards the end, enjoy reading :)

*****

Chapter 49

“So anyway, Cho…” Littlefoot spoke as his attention turned back to the young girl. “This wasn’t the first time Shorty hurt you, was it?”

“No,” came the response immediately. “If only you knew…”

“There are several Longnecks of your age in the herd, aren’t there?” Littlefoot continued his interrogation, a quick nod of the two girls confirming his assumption. “Does Shorty bully them too?”

“Of course he does…” Cho replied quietly though Littlefoot knew from Ali that Cho was his favourite target… and her hesitation indicated all he needed to know.

“Mostly you though, doesn’t he?”

Ali, noticing that Cho was beginning to feel awkward and uncomfortable, decided to intervene the conversation of her two friends.

“Littlefoot, why do you want to know? I’m not sure if Cho…”

“It is okay, Ali,” Cho stated, sighing. “Yes, he picks on me the most. I mean, look at me, Littlefoot!” Cho’s voice lost its formality for the first time as she robbed herself out of her nest just a little bit to present her body to the boy.

“Uh oh, I think I shouldn’t have asked… now I made her upset…” Littlefoot reprimanded himself though now it was too late to pull back. Besides, Cho seemed to be willing to share the details. Therefore, he did as he was instructed, looking at the girl lying in front of him.

“I’m ugly, pathetic and weird and pretty much a loner nobody likes… and I snap easily at his insults. I’m the easiest to bully around and the ugliest so he choses me…” Cho was in full self-pitying mode now.

“Who says you’re all of these things, Cho?” Littlefoot spoke quietly but it had a ring of threat to it as anger was building up.

“I do!” the girl exclaimed defiantly.

“More like… Shorty said that about you until you started believing the crap he was spreading!” Littlefoot argued firmly.

“That’s not true!” Cho snapped.

“Cho, you’re overreacting…” Ali sighed. “Littlefoot is trying to say nice things about you."

“Well, I told you that I snap too easily!” Cho snorted before taking a few deep, painful breaths to bring her temper back on the right track. “I am sorry, Littlefoot, but he is right in what he says…”

“You may be many things, Cho, but you’re not a weirdo and certainly not a loner,” Littlefoot reasoned while Ali nodded to indicate that she agreed with his words. “If you were a loner you wouldn’t want to be around us now. I’ve once met a true lonesome dinosaur - you’re not like him… and you’re still young, you can change!”

“But I’m ugly and weird, nobody ever wanted to be my friend because of that!”

“I’m your friend!” Ali protested weakly as she watched little Cho getting upset again. “She sure is stoic sometimes…”

“Yes, but you are special… “ Cho tried to explain. “The riddle…”

“Oh right… “ Ali remembered. “If I’ll ever figure it out… “

“You can be my friend too, Cho,” Littlefoot mentioned, offering a weak smile. “You may have a few quirks but isn’t that what makes us all unique and, therefore, likable?” Littlefoot waited a few seconds to let the words sink in. “So far, I think you’re really nice, Cho. I do believe it makes a huge difference how we are treated by others, you know?”

“How do you mean?” the young Longneck questioned curiously, yet remaining a little suspicious.

“If we are only shown kindness by those we live and interact with, it’s all we know. Likewise, if we only receive rejection, hate and violence…”

“... we will express that towards others too… yes, that totally makes sense!” Ali exclaimed.

“Then I will ask you, Littlefoot…” Cho spoke challengingly. “Why did I turn into this here,” she pointed at herself. “... while Shorty became an asshole? He used to be nice back when we were still on our own in the Mysterious Beyond…”

“Looks like you now have a riddle yourself to figure out,” Ali chuckled, trying to light up the mood. “Though, as you know, Cho, I’m just as curious.”

Littlefoot considered quickly before answering as demanded.

“Assuming you were both experiencing the same negative behavior from the other dinosaurs around you… there must have been another influence…”

“Yes, but I do not know what influence, Littlefoot… we both had a bad childhood in our own ways…”

“I know some details of Shorty’s past,” Littlefoot mentioned casually as the conversation went on. “Thanks to Ali and my dad… but I know not a lot about yours, Cho…”

*

Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike were frozen in horror as the realisation finally hit them… They’d been sleeping next to a Sharptooth and didn’t even notice it! Though now was clearly not the right time to ponder about such things. The grey-coloured Sharptooth opened his eyes, when he heard Cera’s scream. It didn’t take him long to figure out what was happening around him… Christmas and thanksgiving at the same time!

“Ahhhh!!!” the Gang screamed in unison. While the predator rose to his full height, uttering a mighty roar while gazing at them with greed, the children were finally able to recover from the initial shock, adrenaline pumping through their bodies as they darted away from the beast before it beat them to it. Instantly, the predator gave chase.

*

As Cho was painfully reminded of her early childhood, she felt a wave of sadness take hold of her whole body. As curious as she was to find out the reason for the different path her life had taken, she just couldn’t talk about it right now.

“Maybe another time, okay? Those are not bright memories…”

“I understand, that’s no problem at all…” Littlefoot stated, smiling sadly. He knew of Cho’s fate of being orphaned and he certainly knew how lucky he was not ending up as an orphan himself. The few weeks he had spent journeying through the Mysterious Beyond weren’t exactly the brightest of his life - he didn’t want to know what fate had befallen young Cho back then.

“Anyway, Cho, I have seen you act completely different than I was expected based upon Yuyun’s and Ali’s descriptions of you. Hate, violence… and rejection cause a vicious circle since it makes you act in a similar fashion to those who make you feel bad, who hurt you… who reject you… or call you ugly just because of your unique skin colour. I have seen you break this vicious circle today, Cho. Keep trying and you won’t be perceived as the odd one anymore soon, believe me…” Littlefoot noted in pleasure that the eyes of the little girl widened with every word he said and her smile - at first just a faint sign of one, grew wider and wider. He smiled back.

“I will, Littlefoot, I will,” Cho spoke ever so warmly, looking at the boy in admiration. “You are very wise… and extremely nice, do you want to be my friend?”

“Hey, that rhymed…” Ali snickered as she watched the display between her two friends. “This is going much better than expected…”

*

The group was running through a light forest while the Sharptooth quickly gained distance with his much bigger legs.

“What should we do?!” Cera was panicking as she noticed how fast their pursuer was. They could run as fast as they could with all their might and willpower and still would not make it. Luckily, she had a history of run-ins with malevolent creatures like the hungry beast which had them on his diet for the morning.

“We need to take sharp turns!” the Threehorn shouted to her compagnons. “He can’t change direction very quick but we can!” As the next tall tree came in sight before her, Cera made a decision.

*

Littlefoot was delighted to hear the girl’s plead. The answer was pretty obvious.

“Didn’t I already tell you that I would like to be your friend?” Littlefoot chuckled, winking. What happened then, though, came unexpected for all dinosaurs present… All of a sudden, Cho pulled herself out of her nest further in order to reach Littlefoot’s face to give him a friendly lick across the cheek, not bothering about the pain at all.

“Uhh…” Littlefoot was slightly embarrassed by Cho’s actions but then gently shoved her back into her comfortable nest where he returned the favor by giving the girl a nuzzle… under the watchful eyes of Ali.

“So, what kind of friends are you two going to be?” the pink Longneck asked mischievously.

“The kind of friends you two are not,” Cho chuckled, ignoring the pain in her chest.

“Direct as always, aren’t you?” Ali teased.

Cho gave a knowing smile while Littlefoot returned to his previous position, Ali positioning herself demonstratively close to Littlefoot. Even though she tried to hide her feelings for her friend in front of others, she had to defend her love there.

*

“Gee, this is certainly more interesting than looking for plants that don’t exist…” As Ricky slowly and unsuspiciously walked through the area, trying to appear as if he was just taking a stroll on such a beautiful day, he noted this while trying to do the job his father had given him. It wasn’t an easy job per se but he knew he could do it. All he had to do was wait and observe. And he already knew where to start looking for what his father was demanding of him…

*

“So… would you like to ask me some more questions right now, Cho?” Except for the lingering question about her past, there weren’t any urgent questions about his new friend so Littlefoot decided offering to pass the ball.

“Hmm, I think I have two… or maybe more," Cho replied thoughtfully as she tried to remember the questions she still had. For the time being, she just asked the one that had formed during the last few minutes.

“I do wonder where you got your wisdom from, Littlefoot? You probably have more than just a wise mother.”

“Yeah, well, guess where my mother got it from,” Littlefoot spoke, smiling a little proudly. It were moments like these when he appreciated the sometimes lengthy and boring lessons and reprimands of his grandparents the most.

“Your grandparents?” Cho guessed.

“Sure, who else?” Littlefoot chuckled. “Though you are quite smart for your age too, Cho.”

“This is just who I am,” Cho explained. “I don’t know why but… I see things that many others do not… but then again, others see things that I am completely unaware of… especially those things that require being social…”

“I wouldn’t be too concerned about it, Cho,” Ali commented. “Now you have friends to help you get better at these things, right Littlefoot?” Ali cast a glance towards her friend who responded with a determined nod. “Meanwhile, you get strong again and teach us how to be a bit more like you.”

“Are you serious?!” Cho exclaimed in disbelief. “Nobody with all their senses still in place would want to be me…”

“We really need to work on her self-esteem, Ali…” Littlefoot muttered, the mutter soon turning into a light chuckle.

“Yes, I agree,” Ali responded, shooting a mischievous grin at the smaller Longneck.

“You are trying to fool me, aren’t you?” Cho added, not sure whether or not to believe what her friends were talking about.

“Not at all…” Ali reassured. “I mean it. Really, I do.”

“Cho, I don’t know what kind of nonsense Shorty has been telling you all the time – or others around you for that matter… but you’re worth much more than that, of that I’m convinced,” Littlefoot spoke in a serious voice. “Please stop pitying yourself, you deserve better than that…”

Cho gave both of them an uncertain look.

“I-if you say so?”

“Either way, Shorty has something coming now, that’s a promise…” Ali spoke in an almost cold voice. It didn’t earn her quite the reaction she had expected though.

“No, Ali, that’s not right either… he is right in some regards…” Cho protested weakly which earned her a lot more attention than she liked.

“E-excuse me?” Ali stammered. “He has made your life a living hell, Cho… he made you so awkward and shy… he made you feel so worthless and unloved but… but you are not!”

“As I understand these things, Cho, Shorty is the main reason why you have most of your negative traits,” Littlefoot added. “Why do you keep defending him?”

“Oh, you don’t understand!” Cho suddenly yelled, jerking when the pain struck her hard but she was too upset to care much. “You don’t understand these things because you weren’t there when it happened!!!”

“Cho…” Ali sighed sadly, observing how the young Longneck hurt herself. Unfortunately, Littlefoot decided to confront her.

“Why, then tell us what happened, Cho, how are we supposed to know?” he questioned in a neutral tone. “How are we supposed to understand you if we don’t know these things about you because you don’t tell them to us? We…”

“Because I don’t want to!” Cho suddenly screamed from the top of her lungs, her whole body entering a state of extreme tension which caused her to feel excruciating pain… but some hidden source of energy apparently kept her going. “I don’t want to…” she added much quieter, a sob causing her body to shake uncontrollably.

“Cho…” Ali spoke softly but the chain reaction of emotions had already started. The pain had overwhelmed the little girl with the black skin and, while that alone usually didn’t cause such a reaction in her, memories of the past certainly did, especially when they had a connection to Shorty. As tears started flowing and sobs breaking out at a fast rate, Cho rapidly curled up in her nest – the anger gone, replaced by shame and sadness. Again, she had let her nature get the better of her. What would Littlefoot think about her now? She wasn’t even mad at him for the things he said, he was trying to understand her – really and in all honesty, trying. But there were things she wished she never knew, things she wished never happened… and things she wished she had done… but she couldn’t do them back then. And, now, it was probably too late. She just hoped she didn’t mess up the chance to make a friend.

“I-I didn’t mean…” Littlefoot stammered as he realised what his words had done. “Me and my big mouth!”

“It’s not your fault…”

“Yuyun… we uhh…” Ali stood next to the crying form of Cho while Littlefoot stood a little distance away awkwardly as the little one’s adopted mother entered the scene with a knowing, sad smile.

“You are not used to her yet, Littlefoot, you are not to blame for this, don’t worry,” she spoke softly as she approached her adopted daughter.

“I shouldn’t have tried to push the matter…” Littlefoot muttered, cursing.

“You probably accidently reminded her of something very unpleasant; she doesn’t react very well to those things I’m afraid,” Yuyun sighed, bending her head down to give Cho a gentle nuzzle. “Even I don’t know a lot about the time before I took her in… she just never tells anyone. But I’m sure she’ll tell one day when she’s ready. Now, though, I think she needs some rest… the morning has been quite eventful after all.” Yuyun chuckled a little, then nudging her crying daughter. “Right, dear?”

Cho just continued to cry bitterly, her whole body trembling like a volcano about to explode.

“Don’t cry…” Ali pleaded; Yuyun gave her a sad smile.

“Don’t worry, she’ll be alright,” the grown-up assured as she moved Cho into a more comfortable position in the nest, careful not to hurt her. “I’m sure you can come back later if you like, she is just exhausted and doesn’t like to admit it as always… my brave girl…”

“Okay…” Ali spoke quietly. Turning to Cho, she said. “Bye Cho, we will be back later, don’t worry…”

Littlefoot appeared to be deep in thoughts though.

“Littlefoot, are you alright?” Ali wondered. The boy didn’t respond though, instead seeking eye-contact with Yuyun who understood his intentions.

“Go ahead,” she whispered.

*

The Sharptooth had almost come close enough for the children to enter his snapping range now, Petrie at the backend of the group panicking as he saw himself end up as a toothpick for the mighty predator already but Cera had a plan.

“Around that tree now!” she ordered, leading the way. Despite the risk, Cera took the sharp turn with full speed. She had to run a wide circle around the tree in order to stay on track but she made the 180 degree turn without any issues. Spike, with Ducky holding onto his back tightly, momentarily slowed down to circumnavigate the tree in a very tight circle while Petrie, due to his high speed, chose to fly on Cera’s wider route lest the escape velocity got the better of him.

The Sharptooth noticed that his prey was trying to escape but he knew of his huge advantage in speed. However, he didn’t take into account that his higher speed and size also meant that he had to overcome much higher escape velocity while circumnavigating the tree. While his prey had successfully taken the turn, his momentum carried him further and further, unable to stop until he was abruptly stopped by another tall tree which got completely destroyed by the impact though.

Meanwhile, the Gang were making progress:

*

Ali’s gaze was a puzzled one when Littlefoot started approaching the bundle of misery lying in the nest in front of him. As soon as he had reached her, he spoke up in a quiet and soft but clear voice so that only Cho could hear his words sufficiently.

“Cho, I really like you no matter what happened there. I just want to let you know that I still would like to have you as a friend.” He smiled. Turning more serious, he added. “Oh and… Cho?” Littlefoot waited patiently, hoping that the girl might decide to turn towards him instead of curling into a ball.

“Y-yes?” Inbetween many sobs, Cho managed to respond. Littlefoot took this as an invitation to walk around her nest so Cho didn’t have to turn around which would be causing her additional pain.

“Cho, I don’t know why you’re so upset right now but I just want to let you know that you can talk to me about it whenever you like… I’ve known the pain of losing my mother and… it still makes me cry at night on some days. I’m sure I can relate to your situation whatever that is and I believe that all you needed the whole time was someone who you could… talk to about these things.” Cho’s cries grew a bit weaker as she listened to every of his words.

“I think you wanted to ask another question, didn’t you? I could almost swear you’d ask about my friends whom I travelled with all the way to the Great Valley?” With a smile, the boy registered Cho nodding ever so slightly.

“Well, they are what helped me to survive my mother’s death emotionally back then… We were all in the same situation… lost, hungry and without our families, feeling lonely. We were orphans at the time just like you and, despite our differences – maybe I should mention that they aren’t Longneck’s like you and me… we could count on each other when we were feeling lonely and upset, when we couldn’t sleep at night… and we still do. It was what kept us going; what kept us from giving up and kept us marching towards the Great Valley each day. But… you’re probably starting to wonder why I’m telling you all this now, aren’t you?” Littlefoot donated a knowing smile before continuing.

“You have never had such a friend who you could talk to, you see? There… there is something my grandparents told me the day I found them in the Great Valley that I would like to pass on to you because I think it’ll help you cope… You see, Cho… I had told them about everything that I went through that evening and, obviously, the memories made me cry all the way through it… but do you know what they told me?” Littlefoot took a short break in order to allow Cho to think about his constant influx of words.

Cho’s face was smeared in her tears but the crying had stopped for the most part as Littlefoot’s speech had captured not just hers but everyone’s attention. Expectantly, she looked up at Littlefoot for the first time.

“I was embarrassed about weeping all the time. This is what my grandfather told me then…”

“Littlefoot, there is no need to be ashamed. As a matter of fact, it is a good sign! You are expressing your emotions, good or bad, and that is very important. The Circle of Life can be cruel when it takes away our love ones, especially if death arrives too timely. It puts us into a very dangerous situation and I believe you know what I am talking about, don’t you?”

When Littlefoot looked up at his Grandfather teary-eyed, too busy watering the meadow below with his tears to think of an answer, the wise Longneck began to explain.

“I guess you never refused to eat then, never felt indifferent about everything around you and wondered what the purpose of anything you do was after you lost her? Or did you ever feel so lonely that you’d give a tree a hug or just wanted to be left alone despite feeling that way?” Littlefoot’s bitter cries confirmed all he needed to know; he would understand so Grandpa continued.

“You went through all that but you managed to find a way out of this most vicious circle to get caught in. Why? Well, the key is to express your emotions, my grandson. If you keep these terrible feelings inside of you, they will grow stronger and stronger until they overwhelm you! Such is the fate of many young orphans such as you were until this day. You allowed yourself to cry – and you do so right now, that’s good! Crying made you stronger and you survived against all odds despite the grief and the sorrow you are feeling each and every day. It will never resolve fully but it will get better and better and easier to live with - as the saying goes, only in time…”


*

“That deserve him right!” Petrie panted as he continued to push his wings to gain distance from the Sharptooth but his satisfaction didn’t last for long when the behemoth got back on his feet again, continuing the chase with a roar of pure anger.

“We need to hide, yes we do!” Ducky proposed.

“But where?” Petrie wondered. Some distance away, they found what they were looking for soon. As they took another sharp turn around a big boulder and a tree growing in front of it, they saw it.

“In there!” Cera ordered as she spotted the short tunnel that lead into the rock, apparently. The relief was almost audible, when the predator stormed past their hideout, not noticing their little stunt…

*

When Littlefoot had finished retelling his grandfather’s wisdom, it was dead quiet – even the ubiquitous chatter of hundreds of Longnecks seemed to have stopped; and the trees around them appeared to hold still, almost as if they were listening too.

Cho had started crying again but Littlefoot knew that she had understood just like he had long ago.

“Well, I didn’t mean to upset you in the first place, I’m very sorry about that,” he spoke softly, carefully nudging the girl with the black skin. “Ali and I will be back later, rest now so we can play games together in a few days!” Littlefoot grinned at her one more time before he finally turned away from the nest, leaving a very tired and weeping Cho and two speechless females gawking at him in awe.

“Thank you, Littlefoot…” Yuyun thought in mute appreciation before she found the remote control for her muscles again and continued to nurture her daughter until she drifted off into an uneasy slumber.

*****

I'll admit that at least half of what happened here came to me in a spontaneous idea when I was wondering how the conversation should continue... it took a rather... extreme turn but I'm extremely happy the way it turned out :lol

But that is just my biased view, what do you think? ^^spike Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, I'll try to update my story for the contest too tonight :p
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: DarkWolf91 on January 16, 2017, 12:50:20 AM
:wow

This was a great chapter! Dialogue is something I struggle with in writing, and you've handled it so nicely here! Cho's breakdown was really well done- you showed that, while she is trying, she still has problems expressing herself and dealing with her past. These are things that have not magically disappeared, which is good :) In a story sense... probably not good for poor Cho, but I have faith in her :smile

Littlefoot is also really in his character here- not perfect by any means, but a very empathetic and level-headed longneck with uncanny insight :yes

I continue to be very intrigued by the story, and by Shorty and Cho's differing paths. Can't wait to read more :D
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 16, 2017, 04:35:00 PM
Thanks so much! :lol

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This was a great chapter! Dialogue is something I struggle with in writing, and you've handled it so nicely here!
Well, dialogue is my strength, I sometimes struggle with telling though :p I seem to recal from your story that you're quite good at that though :)

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Cho's breakdown was really well done- you showed that, while she is trying, she still has problems expressing herself and dealing with her past. These are things that have not magically disappeared, which is good smile.gif
Yep, yep, yep :) Well, not counting the fact that I came up with the idea of that whole scene spontaneously :p Either way, there's a lot of character development Cho is still about to go through :yes

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In a story sense... probably not good for poor Cho, but I have faith in her Dino_grins.gif
oh, she'll be fine :p

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Littlefoot is also really in his character here- not perfect by any means, but a very empathetic and level-headed longneck with uncanny insight in-yes.gif
It felt naturally right to have him act like that. If anyone can make Cho open up, I'm sure it would be him. Well, she already is opening up as it is but that was mostly to do Ali a pleasure and try to be nice towards her friend (or friend? :lol), then noticing with some surprise that Littlefoot was not judging her at all and being all nice ad friendly towards her... so it began coming more naturally throughout the last two chapters, I guess. Cho is so much fun to write, it's always interesting trying to think like her  ^^spike

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by Shorty and Cho's differing paths.
Ah, glad you picked that up :smile

You can be quite sure to get to read more about that eventually but for now... I shall keep you in the dark ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on January 16, 2017, 08:22:50 PM
I can only echo what DarkWolf has said, the dialogue in this chapter was truly inspired.  Not only have we been able to delve a bit deeper into Cho's thoughts and insecurities, but also deeper into some of Littlefoot's past - most notably when he mourned for his mother in the valley, which is something the films never dared to show us.  It is lovely to know that he is now sharing that wisdom with another dinosaur in her time of need.

Additionally it seems that Littlefoot and Cho have both picked up on a critical piece of the puzzle.  Cho, Littlefoot, and shorty have all encountered hardship in their lives, but each has chosen a different path to deal with that hardship.  Cho has nearly been torn asunder mentally, but is hanging on with extreme stoicism until it collapses; Littlefoot has learned enough from his friends and family to keep the demons from his past at bay; and Shorty... well Shorty has chosen the darker path.  Now only time will tell if he overcomes those demons.

All of that darkness aside, however, I must say that this piece of dialogue:

Quote
“So, what kind of friends are you two going to be?” the pink Longneck asked mischievously.

“The kind of friends you two are not,” Cho chuckled, ignoring the pain in her chest.

“Direct as always, aren’t you?” Ali teased.

Made me laugh out loud.  :lol I cannot imagine how Cera or the others would have reacted if they had walked in at that moment.  The only thing I am sure about is that Littlefoot would never hear the end of it.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Sovereign on January 17, 2017, 05:09:19 PM
This chapter was mostly extremely well-written and interesting, with Cho's long overdue breakdown highlighting the character's calm, carefully-built facade. The conversation that started really well in the last chapter developed into one of the best scenes in this whole story! Cho's loss of confidence and Littlefoot's insight into hers and his own turmoil were truly great pieces of dialogue, and I guess this conclusion will prove to be a critical turning point in Cho's character development. The way you told about Littlefoot's struggles with his sorrow was extremely emotional and insightful to this overlooked part of his character.

Yet, I'd find it better if there won't be a love triangle in this story... I hope Cho won't continue her demonstrations of friendship. Also, there wasn't much wrong in the scenes themselves but I felt that the Gang's escape from the sharptooth and the one, brief scene with Ricky were completely overshadowed by the main scene of the chapter. Of course, those storylines had to be advanced also but this time the contrast was quite profound. But no worries, this was a great chapter anyway. :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Fyn16 on January 17, 2017, 07:41:07 PM
What a chapter! I can honestly say that I feel I know and understand Cho better now than ever before, and I truly feel sorry for her. She's described as being very intelligent here, and it kind of makes you wonder- could this have been Littlefoot's story if he'd grown up under different circumstances?

But that's neither here nor there. Your dialogue in this chapter is great, and really helped create a sense of empathy towards Cho's plight. Just as you've expanded our understanding of Shorty in previous chapters, now we get to see Cho's side of things. I can't stress this enough, but she absolutely has my deepest sympathies. I hope things start to look up for her, going forward.

I also felt that the cuts back to the gang in this chapter added a nice touch, adding some context for us as to where in the film this is all taking place. If I remember correctly, we're closing in on the eclipse, which means I'd imagine things will start coming to fruition still, for good or ill. Excellent job on this chapter, and I eagerly await the next one!
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on January 18, 2017, 10:30:53 AM
Whoa guys, you make me blush :lol

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I can only echo what DarkWolf has said, the dialogue in this chapter was truly inspired.
I'm very happy that the dialogue turned out more than alright!

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Not only have we been able to delve a bit deeper into Cho's thoughts and insecurities, but also deeper into some of Littlefoot's past - most notably when he mourned for his mother in the valley, which is something the films never dared to show us. It is lovely to know that he is now sharing that wisdom with another dinosaur in her time of need.
I did not quite draw any comparisons between Littlefoot and Cho there (not while writing, that is) but you're completely right about that one. The whole point of this little story arc here is to develop Cho further now that she got a much bigger role to play in this story than previously planned :smile
Littlefoot and Cho might not know each other for a long time yet but he's already begun to understand the younger girl much better than Ali ever did. They share the fate of being orphaned (at least temporarily) and Cho didn't handle that very well, retreating into her own world and staying lonely while Littlefoot (at least according to my very own interpretation of what the movie didn't show us) allowed himself to feel the pain and the sorrow. Along with having friends to share the pain with, he was able to cope while Cho was not... and that left a scar. (gee, I think I should have Littlefoot say that in the story, actually :p)

 
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Additionally it seems that Littlefoot and Cho have both picked up on a critical piece of the puzzle. Cho, Littlefoot, and shorty have all encountered hardship in their lives, but each has chosen a different path to deal with that hardship.
Hmm yeah, seems so. I usually never see all the parallels (intended or not) until you point them out  :blink: The one between Shorty and Cho was intended but I did not consider Littlefoot's past being about as dark.

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ho has nearly been torn asunder mentally, but is hanging on with extreme stoicism until it collapses; Littlefoot has learned enough from his friends and family to keep the demons from his past at bay; and Shorty... well Shorty has chosen the darker path. Now only time will tell if he overcomes those demons.
You got that quite right, yeah. Cho has toughened up because of a number of reasons but, occasionally, that wall she builds around herself by not telling anybody anything about her and being an unsocial creep is shattered (for example by Shorty's extreme mockery... if anybody remembers that one flashback)
Littlefoot has learned to overcome the loss of his mother through the help and support of his friends indeed (and I think I will focus on that even more than currently planned when I finally get around to start posting the LBT 1 story I'm writing along with SDP...)
And Shorty... well, he's been out of focus lately but that doesn't mean he's any less important. There's just nothing important going on about him currently :p We shall see how he's developing eventually...

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All of that darkness aside, however, I must say that this piece of dialogue:

QUOTE
“So, what kind of friends are you two going to be?” the pink Longneck asked mischievously.

“The kind of friends you two are not,” Cho chuckled, ignoring the pain in her chest.

“Direct as always, aren’t you?” Ali teased.


Made me laugh out loud. dino_laugh.gif I cannot imagine how Cera or the others would have reacted if they had walked in at that moment. The only thing I am sure about is that Littlefoot would never hear the end of it.
Haha, glad to hear :lol I kinda started that joke when Littlefoot first met Cho where she was trying to act as if she were just with Ali who was familiar to her and, therefore, Cho was pretty open and also funny towards her... and then Littlefoot too :lol Here, Cho is on the receiving end of the joke though... and of course little Cho is talking llike a Rainbowface again ^^spike

Anyway, I'm very happy you like my newest addition to the story, rhombus!

--

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This chapter was mostly extremely well-written and interesting, with Cho's long overdue breakdown highlighting the character's calm, carefully-built facade. The conversation that started really well in the last chapter developed into one of the best scenes in this whole story!
Thanks, glad you think so :) Personally, I think it's one of my favourites too... any scene involving Cho tends to be fun to write, hehe.

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Cho's loss of confidence and Littlefoot's insight into hers and his own turmoil were truly great pieces of dialogue, and I guess this conclusion will prove to be a critical turning point in Cho's character development. The way you told about Littlefoot's struggles with his sorrow was extremely emotional and insightful to this overlooked part of his character.
A turning point? Quite... :smile

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Yet, I'd find it better if there won't be a love triangle in this story... I hope Cho won't continue her demonstrations of friendship.
Oh don't worry... Cho is too young for that kind of friendships! The friendly lick was more of a way to say "thank you". I was thinking about Spike there and he hasn't started dating Ducky either (as far as I can tell... lol) But there's still Shorty... :p

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Also, there wasn't much wrong in the scenes themselves but I felt that the Gang's escape from the sharptooth and the one, brief scene with Ricky were completely overshadowed by the main scene of the chapter. Of course, those storylines had to be advanced also but this time the contrast was quite profound. But no worries, this was a great chapter anyway. smile.gif
Yeah, I know... I didn't want to change my system of switching back and forth between the different plotlines just for one chapter. Neither of these scenes were of particular importance to the story (the Ricky part was merely an introduction into his new "job" and the Gang... well, we all knew that they'd trick that dump ol' Sharptooth, didn't we? :smile I can tell you however, that there'll be changes to the Gang's storyline from next chapter on (won't follow the movie's storyline exactly there, shall not say more yet)

Anyway, I'm really happy that you enjoyed this chapter and I hope I will continue to write entertaining scenes!

--

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What a chapter! I can honestly say that I feel I know and understand Cho better now than ever before, and I truly feel sorry for her. She's described as being very intelligent here, and it kind of makes you wonder- could this have been Littlefoot's story if he'd grown up under different circumstances?
Interesting point... there are a few distinct aspects of their stories which are quite not matching but it's obvious that they share the same fate and the same pain. I don't think Littlefoot would have developed Cho's personality and vice versa but they would be much more similar then since the extremes in both's characters would be eliminated. I don't think it makes much sense to ponder about it too much now since it's not relevant for the story :lol

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But that's neither here nor there. Your dialogue in this chapter is great, and really helped create a sense of empathy towards Cho's plight. Just as you've expanded our understanding of Shorty in previous chapters, now we get to see Cho's side of things. I can't stress this enough, but she absolutely has my deepest sympathies. I hope things start to look up for her, going forward.
I'm very happy that you liked the dialogue and the chapter in general! You're my most critical reader (which is a compliment by any means!) so the chapter must be good if you don't criticise anything, haha ^^spike Either way, yes, we're now getting an insight into Cho's complicated personality and past (which is connected to Shorty's in a way as you should remember) which was anything but bright. Cho's life so far has been a single journey of rejection and lonesomeness (funny, I could say the same about Shorty, huh?) and her childhood so far has been terrible by all means. You can really feel sorry for her. Before I had decided to develop her further than was part of my original plan, Cho was merely designed to be a victim for Shorty - a typical outsider that the bullies pick on.... but I'm sure things will continue to improve for her. She's made another friend today after all, yep, yep, yep!

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I also felt that the cuts back to the gang in this chapter added a nice touch, adding some context for us as to where in the film this is all taking place.
Yeah, I'm glad you see it this way. I think I managed to find a good point of time to introduce the gang to the party...

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If I remember correctly, we're closing in on the eclipse, which means I'd imagine things will start coming to fruition still, for good or ill. Excellent job on this chapter, and I eagerly await the next one!
That is considering I stick to the timing of LBT 10. I'm not quite sure yet how long it'll take me to develop certain ideas for the future of the story... possibly much longer than it would take the gang to reach the location so I shall have to see. :exactly

I hope you'll like the next additions to the story although I guess they won't be quite as epic and eventful ^^spike

(Puh, that took a while to type!)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: ADFan185 on January 18, 2017, 10:43:11 AM
Wow talk about dedication for you to respond to all of us. And so far we love then story.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 08, 2017, 01:47:26 AM
Okay guys, I'm not sure if I'm just seeing things because of the advanced time over here but... while reading some of my older chapters for reference and preventing plotholes (I even found one, though it's irrelevant for the story as far as I can tell...) I discovered that, apparently, one chapter is completely missing? Did I forget to upload a whole chapter and nobody noticed this?! Talking about chapter 19, which is an important one!

 :unsure:

EDIT:
chapter 18 is here (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=12779&view=findpost&p=22064268) and then the next one is 20?!  :unsure:
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on February 08, 2017, 02:07:37 AM
I usually follow the chapters on fanfiction.net, so I did not notice the gap in the chapters.  Though, looking back in chapter 19 in the fanfiction.net copy, I can almost swear that it was posted here as well.  That is... odd.  :confused
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: vonboy on February 08, 2017, 07:21:48 AM
that's weird. So what are to gonna do? just edit the chapter 18 post, and fit 19 at the end of it?
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on February 08, 2017, 08:58:54 PM
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I usually follow the chapters on fanfiction.net, so I did not notice the gap in the chapters. Though, looking back in chapter 19 in the fanfiction.net copy, I can almost swear that it was posted here as well. That is... odd. dino_confused.gif
Well, yeah. I have the same feeling here. But it sure is odd that the chapter is gone and that there's nothing indicating that it ever was there to begin with  <_<

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that's weird. So what are to gonna do? just edit the chapter 18 post, and fit 19 at the end of it?
I suppose, yeah.

On a related note... reading my older chapters makes me cringe.   :sducky
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 07, 2017, 08:21:26 AM
Guess I finally broke writer's block, huh? To make up for it, have a douple update. You heard right, two chapters for the price of one!  :lol:

(this was originally going to be a birthday present for RockingScorpion, oh well :p)

~~~~~

Chapter 50:

“That was too bloody close!” Cera was panting heavily after the sprint she had to take in order to escape the Sharptooth’s bloodlust and hunger. Her friends weren’t doing much better – even Ducky was panting despite not actually running herself but the agitation made her heart beat like a hammer nonetheless.

“Is he gone?!” Ducky inquired, too scared to look while she cowered down behind Spike.

“Me think so…” Petrie whispered.

“That is the last time I trust Petrie to pick us a boulder to sleep near!” Ducky ranted quietly in indignation, staring at her friend angrily.

“Hey, it was dark, okay?” Petrie shot back.

“Well, we tricked him at least, didn’t we?” Cera mentioned in a slightly boasting manner, receiving slight nods in return.

“It okay to come out?” Petrie wondered.

“M-maybe we should wait in case he comes back, yes we should…” Ducky suggested, staying close to Spike for comfort.

“Well, me no mind…” Petrie replied. “Me scared anyway…”

*

A few minutes earlier…

The elderly Longneck shook out of his gentle stroll as he heard the nearby Sharptooth’s roar.

“Oh no, not one of those creatures again…” The male stood still, trying to locate the direction of the possible threat with his ears which were already showing signs of age, as was pretty much every part of his body. Back in his days, he used to be quite a fighter in his herd, taking on the biggest Sharpteeth without fear but now he was old and frail, some teeth missing and his bones old and weak. Even a small Fastbiter could end his life any day if he wasn’t careful. “But this sounded more like one of the big guys…” Pat noticed with some relief that the beast was apparently some distance away, furthermore heading away from his current position.

“Don’t worry, the Sharptooth is going the other direction,” he spoke in relief, bending his neck to the small form of a young Longneck on his back. It was a girl, her body a yellow-ish colour with her back being much darker, almost brown-ish. A few nasty scars decorated her right flank slightly behind her front shoulder.

“We should be just fine…” Pat mused, while taking in an overview of the surrounding area. They were walking along a light forest on the one side of the path while a stream was gently flowing on the other side, about as wide as a Longneck measured in length. “Still… might not hurt if we wait here for a little just to be safe? Or what do you think, Lizzie?” the elder one addressed the child on his back. However, she responded with little interest, merely staring at some spot on the far distant horizon.

It was a sad sight for the old Longneck but he knew that there was nothing he could do about it. Lizzie, as far as he was concerned, had always been like that ever since he met her and decided to keep an eye on the lonely child. The moments she spoke were rare – and the moments she smiled or laughed even rarer. Most of the time, the girl was quiet, lost in her own world and appeared to be sad and gloomy. Nonetheless, he was glad to have some company on his rather lonesome journey; and he also had a purpose to exist. The little one depended on him and she had nobody except for him. They were both outcasts; and Pat had to admit that the girl had grown on him despite her very uncommunicative nature. He understood her just enough to refrain himself from pushing the matter. After all, when he found her in the deepest of the deserted places he’d ever seen, the little one had been as good as dead. She survived only by miracle – and because his herd found a source of water to save her. It was apparent that she was an orphan so he really didn’t want to ask her how that came to be. What mattered was that she was still alive to tell the story whenever she was ready to do so.

Lizzie also had her heart at the right spot. If there was anything that got her out of her usual gloomy mood, it were situations where somebody was in need of help, be it emotional or physical. Her scars had resulted in a foolhardy attempt to save one of the herd’s children that got lost from a Fastbiter; and Pat appreciated her emotional support after they got kicked out of their herd too.

Suddenly, the girl lifted her head, becoming agitated. Was it the Sharptooth that worried her? He would find out soon.

*

It wasn’t until Littlefoot and Ali had brought a significant distance between Cho’s nest and them that Ali finally spoke up.

“Littlefoot?” The girl was a little unsure how to address her friend.

“Yes, Ali?” the boy responded, halting his movement and turning to the girl who had been walking slightly behind him thus far.

“I keep forgetting about all of these horrible things you had to go through when you were still so young…” Ali spoke quietly, looking down a little since she felt really sorry for her friend even though the pain was long since gone and better times had pushed this terrible time into the background. “I also didn’t realise that Cho might have gone through similar things when she was still a hatchling…” she admitted. “I mean… I knew that she’s an orphan and that she’s missing her mother since she told me that she does just yesterday… but I completely forgot how hard it can be to grow up without a mother.” The girl looked at Littlefoot again, her gaze somewhat clouded. “Now I feel a little bad because I didn’t realise it sooner…”

“Oh, don’t worry, Ali,” Littlefoot reassured. “I was just taking a guess when I told her about my experiences, that’s all. You see…” Littlefoot thought back to the conversation he had had with the young girl just mere moments ago. “I noticed that she was hesitant to talk about her past so I assumed that she must have made a similar experience. My mother’s death traumatised me and it wasn’t until I met Ducky that I’ve been able to start coping and focusing on living in the present again. Cho was an orphan so she must have been separated from her parents…”

“Probably for good…” Ali sighed.

*

Ricky took an unsuspicious drink at the biggest watering hole of the valley before positioning himself in an area where tall grass grew in the shallow coastal water, hiding him from any curious on-lookers yet allowing him to see most things if he needed to.

As was to be expected, this was the perfect place for carrying out his job. Naturally, the place was quite crowded but the number of female Longnecks was remarkably higher than the number of males here. Why that was so was beyond Ricky’s understanding but, right now, it didn’t matter to him at all. He didn’t need to know why some things were the way they were, he only needed to do his job if he wanted to have more brothers and sisters.

The fact that Hart was planning to have more offspring came completely out of nowhere for the blue-ish coloured Longneck. He may have discovered that at least one of his siblings was still alive though he highly doubted that Shorty would even want to come back even if Hart decided to have mercy with him. The fact that the main reason for this was not to do him a favor but to find a replacement for him, was lost on Ricky though...

*

“Pat, I hear somebody scream!” Lizzie had heard the voices in the distance. It almost seemed to her as if the Sharptooth they heard roaring earlier was after a group of children like her.

“Oh, do you?” the old male wondered, his ears not being quite as good as they used to be.

“Yes, there are children… and-and they’re chased by a Sharptooth!” she exclaimed. “We’ve gotta help them!” Lizzie just couldn’t sit around while others were in need of help.

“But Lizzie, I’m old!” Pat protested. “I can’t just pick a fight with a Sharptooth of all malicious creatures on this land!” The girl gave him a sad, pleading look.

“There are children like me out there running for their lives… do you want that they get scars like mine?”

“Why of course not… but…” Pat replied but the girl insisted.

“Then come on! I don’t want them to get hurt!”

“Oh Lizzie, it’s always the ones who are hurt the most that are least willing to watch and stand by while others get hurt,“ Pat reflected. However, in this case, coming to the aid of those in need might result in injury for the helping party too. “Lizzie, you know we could get ourselves killed, don’t you? If the Sharptooth gets me, I might survive the injury and get another scar, but if he gets you, you’re doomed. Have you ever seen a Sharptooth up close? Imagine what horrible wounds those claws and teeth would do to a young one…”

Lizzie looked at Pat sadly, pointing at the scars. Admittedly, it had been a juvenile Fastbiter that caused them but, still, she could imagine that a fully-grown Sharptooth could rip her apart without effort.

“Oh… right…” Pat murmured, pondering hard what to do. Would he risk his life as well as the life of the young one for somebody he didn’t even know?

“Please, Pat… you can still be a hero even though you’re old… you saved me…” Lizzie encouraged the elderly dinosaur.

“Oh, alright then…” Pat gave in reluctantly. If it made the girl happy, he would risk his old neck in battle once again. The moments she was happy were rare as it was. “…but you stay here where it’s safe!” Pat insisted.

“No way, what if something sneaks up on me while you’re gone?” Lizzie argued fiercely. “I would like to stay with you, it’s the safest place for me…”

“Well, then hold on tight, little one!” Pat warned as he, reluctant as he was, entered the light forest, following the roar of the Sharptooth and the constant screams of the children. “At least they still haven’t been caught… yet. I’ve got to hurry! Oh Lizzie, my brave girl… you care so much about others but so little about yourself…”

*

“Where are we heading anyway?” Littlefoot and Ali had simply been strolling to someplace else than Cho’s nest so far though now Ali began to wonder where Littlefoot, whom she had been following without questioning so far, was headed to.

Littlefoot only now became aware of his surroundings. He hadn’t been paying attention where he was going and now failed to recognise where they were.

“Uhh, somewhere, I guess…” came his response eventually though the boy sounded everything but self-confident about it. “Darn it, where are we?”

“I suppose…” Ali replied, not sure whether to respond with a chuckle or a sigh attached to her voice. She eventually decided to go for the sigh. “Well, I can’t blame you, my mind is just as busy right now, believe me, Littlefoot…”

“R-right…” Littlefoot had to admit that his mind had been everywhere but in the present these past few minutes either. As a result, he now found himself in a light forest that he didn’t recognise at all – nor could he spot anything that looked familiar to him.

“Do you know where we are? I don’t think I’ve been here before…” Ali admitted, looking in all directions, feeling a little uneasy despite the fact, that the valley wasn’t big enough to get badly lost. Still, it was big enough to get lost for a few hours.

“Me neither,” Littlefoot confirmed. “Actually, I don’t see anything I’ve seen before right now…”

“Wait, you haven’t seen me before?” Ali couldn’t help but make fun of the statement her friend had just made.

“You know what I mean!” Littlefoot shot back quickly, much to the amusement of Ali. “I just had to walk into a forest, didn’t I? You can’t even see the walls from here…”

“Well, seems like we’ll have to go on another adventure again,” Ali deduced which was something she wasn’t too unhappy with.

“Gee, wonder if we’ll end up getting ourselves into trouble again just like yesterday…” Littlefoot mused, reminded of the incident at the cave that wasn’t as empty as it first appeared to be.

“No caves today…” Ali warned – the shock of the stranger chasing them still affecting her now that she was reminded of it again.

Littlefoot snickered. “Don’t worry, Ali. We’ll just try to figure out where we are for now.”

“Where should we go then?” Ali wondered, relieved that their little involuntary scouting tour probably wouldn’t end up with them risking their necks again. “Maybe we should just turn back? If we’re lucky, we won’t take a wrong turn and find back in no time!”

“Or we just keep going and see where it takes us,” Littlefoot mused, looking at Ali expectantly, his somewhat gloomy state momentarily forgotten to be replaced by a surge of curiosity as well as the urge to discover new things.

“Well, why not?” Ali shrugged slightly. “Then let’s keep going. I’m sure we’ll find back home before the afternoon either way, won’t we?”

“You bet!” Littlefoot laughed.

*

As they had ventured further into the forest, the screaming had suddenly stopped.

“Oh no, are they…” the little Longneck didn’t want to assume the worst but the possibility was hanging in the air heavily. She had simply seen too many dinosaurs slip away from her in her short life already…

“Pat, we’ve got to hurry!” Lizzie urged the elderly male on, worried.

“Quiet…” Pat whispered, slowing down vigilantly. “He either got the kids or they lost him. It sounded like a group so it’s unlikely that he got them all at once…” Constantly checking his surroundings for any signs of the predator, he spoke. “I’d say they got away or found a place to hide – Sharpteeth are easy to trick if you know how, especially if you have something that they don’t have… Children may be too weak to fight and too slow to escape but they can make use of their surroundings and make use of their small size to outsmart them.”

That was when he spotted the Sharptooth. The predator was moving away from their current position, fortunately, and he seemed to be looking for something. Pat quietly took a few steps to the side to use the vegetation as camouflage. The Sharptooth continued to walk and look around in a frenzy but didn’t notice them nor the children for that matter. Soon, he appeared to have decided to give up on the chase, roaring in frustration before disappearing in a thicker part of the jungle.

“Well, he didn’t get them, that much is certain…” Pat mentioned cautiously.

“Where are they though? We have to find them!” Lizzie quietly exclaimed in agitation.

Pat looked around a bit while slowly closing in on the area where the Sharptooth walked through just moments ago.

“Hmm, how about that little cavern there, underneath the big boulder?” He pointed towards a huge boulder in the middle of the forest that had a small but clearly visible opening, just big enough for a bunch of kids to slip through… though certainly not big enough for a thick-headed Sharptooth to fit through.

“Mmhhm…” she nodded, her mind slowly calming again. Most likely, the kids would be fine so she could relax again. They approached carefully…

*

It had been hardly a few minutes before Ali decided to speak up yet again.

“You know, Littlefoot?” Ali only received a grunt from her friend. “I'd really like to know now what exactly happened to Cho when she was young… See, I’m curious how she lost her mother…”

Littlefoot sighed. So far, they hadn’t stumbled upon anything remotely interesting aside from more trees, bushes, ferns as well as the occasional Longneck crossing their paths. As he had to admit, it wasn’t exactly helping to trigger his adventurous side, causing him to fall back into the somewhat gloomy state the talk with Cho left him in.

“I can’t stop thinking about her either, Ali…” Littlefoot confirmed the unspoken with a sigh, slowing his pace a little as the dialogue unfolded.

“Wait, how do you mean that?” Suddenly, Ali was on alert. “Does Littlefoot like her that much?!”

“Huh, how should I mean it?” Littlefoot wondered in confusion. “I just keep thinking about her and what happened earlier… I’m just as curious, you know?”

“Oh, alright then,” Ali replied, visibly relieved. “Phew, she’s no competition, that’s good…”

“What were you thinking?” Littlefoot raised an eyebrow, giving his friend a questioning look.

Ali looked slightly embarrassed when she responded. “See uhm, I almost thought you said that because you like her…”

“Are you implying…” It dawned on Littlefoot what Ali was hinting at but he decided to speak it out loud. “Are you implying that you think that I have a crush on Cho?! That’s ridiculous, Ali!”

“Why, no. I was just making sure because I thought it would be silly…” Ali quickly amended though she did not realise that she was talking nonsense herself.

“If I had a crush on Cho, we’d be an old couple in comparison, Ali!”

“What?!” Ali spat out, breaking out into a fit of laughter, soon to be joined by Littlefoot.

*

After some time, Ricky noticed the first group of females who had begun to talk about the other gender. As far as he could tell after listening to their, in his opinion, childish and crazy talk, these particular Longnecks were singles, considering that they were debating about how their lovers should look and act like.

“Geesh, I hope I’m still sane once this day is over…”

*

Once the laughter had subsided, Ali spoke up again.

“Well, it was a silly thought…” So silly in fact that it made Ali chuckle once again.

“Yeah, what made you think this anyway?” the boy questioned with a curious glance.

Ali turned serious again. “Well, you gave her a nuzzle – something you didn’t like giving me last night, and you said you like her…” she reasoned, not failing to let Littlefoot know that she was still a little disappointed because of that.

“I just returned the favor there…” Littlefoot shrugged. “As for nuzzling, well, I’ve already told you that it felt awkward to do it…”

“Yet it’s totally fine to nuzzle Cho?” Ali didn’t quite understand.

“She’s still a young child, Ali,” Littlefoot tried to explain. “You, on the other hand, are my age… “

“And that’s why you feel awkward about it? Littlefoot, it’s totally awesome!” Ali exclaimed. “Don’t you like it when your Grandparents nuzzle you?”

“Hey, I never said I didn’t like it in general…” the boy underlined. “And, besides, why is this so important all of a sudden? I don’t get it…”

Ali had to admit that things were a bit more complicated than she’d hoped for. “Hmm, now I’m not so sure if Littlefoot likes me like I like him at all…” The girl also didn’t feel like opening up and telling her friend what she felt about him straightforward out of fear it would have the opposite effect than the one she was hoping for. Until she was certain that Littlefoot loved her, she wouldn’t admit to loving him either. That was not to say she wouldn’t try to get it out of him though.

“Well, because I would have enjoyed nuzzling you… “ Ali replied defiantly. It wasn’t an outright lie – after all, she had really wanted to nuzzle Littlefoot, but, still, it was not quite what she wanted to say. “Forget about it.”

“Yeah, let’s return to what we were talking about before this…” Littlefoot suggested, realising that he’d slightly upset his friend the other day though he still didn’t get why.

Ali immediately jumped on Littlefoot’s words. “Cho… yeah. She seems to be more open towards me than she usually is so maybe she will tell me one day?”

“How is she usually like when you consider ëthis’ being open?” Littlefoot joked though making clear through his gestures that he wasn’t mocking.

The girl decided to return to him with some irony. “Well, let’s just say that I probably know more about Cho’s past than her mother and Bron combined… and I only just met her too!”

“What exactly did she tell you that she didn’t tell them anyway?” the boy wondered curiously. For a while already, he had noticed that the girl only had her eyes on him as they proceeded to walk, not looking where she was going. This would prove to be fatal very soon…

*

“Well, I’ve waited for long enough now, the Sharptooth’s gone so let’s keep going or we’ll never catch up with those flatheads!” Cera eventually demanded, tired of sitting around.

“Okay, I hope you are right…” Ducky spoke a little anxiously though Spike gave her a reassuring grunt.

“Me sure hope Cera right too…” Petrie said, worried too.

As the group walked out of their little hideout, a huge shadow suddenly descended upon them…

~~~~~

That made you curious? Well, I certainly hope so  ^^spike

The changes have now reached the sub-plot of the Gang too. Who is this mysterious child (don't worry, it's not Cho 2.0 even if it sounds like just that right now :p) and what role is she going to play? (of course, I know all of that already ^^spike) Also, what about Littlefoot and Ali?

You might not find out in the next chapter since that one will be 80% flashback but you will... soon (if writer's block doesn't become a thing again -.-)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 07, 2017, 08:22:03 AM
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, second chapter (with a short fanservice scene, who spots it? :p)

~~~~~

Chapter 51:

“Well, Cho talked about her mother yesterday when we were having a chat while you were with your dad,” Ali explained, all the while keeping loose eye-contact with her friend, not looking where she was going.

“Ah, okay,” Littlefoot replied. “Though she was also rather open about these things earlier, wasn’t she?” That was, when Littlefoot noticed something… and it was completely unrelated to what he had just been talking and thinking about. “There’s a spider hitching up its string and Ali is walking right towards it… should I tell her… or not?” Considering how things went the last time Ali met a spider, Littlefoot soon decided to be kind… and let her know. Indirectly, at least.

“Yeah, she was,” Ali confirmed. “Actually…”

“Uhm, Ali, I hate to interrupt you but…” Littlefoot chimed in, a slight smirk on his features.

“What?!” Ali demanded. “I was trying to…”

“If I were you, I would look where I am going right now…”

“Why, what do you…” That was when Ali decided to do as Littlefoot said… finding herself face-to-face with a spider about the size of her eyes.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Ali screamed, instantly bolting and hiding behind her friend.

“Told you…” Littlefoot snickered, highly amused about the scared face Ali was making.

“I hate spiders… they’re so ugly and creepy and… urghghgh let’s get away from here!”

“No problem, follow me,” the boy raised an eyebrow, continuing their gentle stroll with a smug grin. It took Ali a few moments to find her usual self again… until the spider was far behind them.

“What were you gonna say anyway?” Littlefoot eventually piped up again, mildly curious.

“Uhh, what were we talking about anyway?” Ali wondered - the incident had completely shaken her.

“Cho being open earlier… more open than usual,” he mentioned casually, Ali’s behavior making him smile without a break.

“Oh right, I remember now…” Ali cleared her throat. “Actually, Cho was being extremely open today. She was even acting a little silly…”

“Oh yes…” Littlefoot chuckled heartily. “She seemed pretty funny, didn’t expect that to be honest.”

“Well, me neither,” Ali admitted, taking her eyes from the boy for a short moment lest she’d run into another spider.

“Certainly a good sign if you ask me…” Littlefoot mused. “Maybe she’ll be less of an oddball now that she’s got friends at last?”

“Yes, I really hope so, Littlefoot,” Ali agreed, smiling at the thought. It would make her extremely happy if her friendship would help Cho to become a happy Longneck.

After some moments of silent walking through the same forest which was literally offering them a very monotonous sight, only vegetation without any significant features visible, another question was on Littlefoot lips just waiting to be asked.

“Say, Ali, how did you even meet? You and Cho, I mean…”

“Oh, that’s a pretty interesting story if you like to hear it,” Ali responded, offering a shy smile. “It was on the first day I found my conscience again after almost dying in the desert…”

“Of course I’d like to hear it, Ali!” Littlefoot answered immediately, expressing curiosity above anything else. “It’s not like there’s anything interesting to discover here so I’m more than willing to listen to that particular story right now as we keep on walking.”

“Alright, then listen, Littlefoot.” Ali cleared her throat while thinking back to the day she met Cho for the first time, making friends immediately…

*

As the afternoon sun was slowly beginning its descent from the sky, the young child was absentmindedly walking around in the little valley that was carved into the rock by a river forcing its way downwards as it carried the meltwater of the glaciers growing on the high mountains further inland. The little Longneck with the black skin wasn’t going any particular way, just mindlessly walking around in search of something to entertain herself with. As there were no friends she could play with and no other familiar sources of entertainment visible to her right now, she was looking for something to play with – or something to discover for that matter. Though any cavern was off-limits, there were still many other things that one could possibly discover during a long journey through lands unknown.

So far, the girl had been walking along the stream but the only interesting things to see were the rocks shining through the crystal-clear water. Though, as she kept on going, inspecting the occasional rock that caught her interest, the child eventually noticed another girl, being somewhat older than her, lying close to the water. Upon closer inspection, the little one noticed the obvious sunburn, immediately recognising who this girl was. “She’s the girl the herd rescued!” For some reason, she was extremely curious now. Despite the fact that the girl was completely strange – the little one with the black skin usually frowning upon contact with anybody she didn’t know, something told her that this injured soul in front of her would be different than all of the other kids who despised her for who she was. There was almost a strange familiarity that she couldn’t quite explain when she took a closer look, the feeling becoming even stronger as she saw an adult nearby that appeared to be the child’s mother. She couldn’t explain these feelings nor why she was getting them in the first place for that matter though it didn’t stop her from advancing towards the newcomer. After all, the last time when another dinosaur had caused this feeling in her, it had probably saved her life…


*

Ali stared at her reflection in the water. It had only been a few hours since she woke up from unconsciousness, tons of thoughts and mixed feelings haunting her ever since, ranging from happy and excited to worried and ashamed. On the one hand, she was extremely happy to figure out that her plan had worked out in the end. She was headed to the place where Littlefoot would, hopefully, wait for her – she just couldn’t wait to see him! On the other hand, she also knew that she had narrowly survived to tell the story and she could only imagine what kind of lecture she was about to hear once she was out of danger. However, her focus was soon shifted to something entirely else as she spotted the girl with the black skin approaching her with a mixture of curiosity, anxiety and uncertainty…

*

The girl was extremely nervous when the injured Longneck made notice of her, however her initial gaze seemed curious above anything else rather than hostile. Cho’s shyness made her stop once she had gotten into hearing range though. Despite all the sudden positive feelings, she couldn’t help but remain cautious. Too many times in her short life already she had been hurt by dinosaurs who she thought she could trust only to discover that they were only trying to be as mean as they could. Her siblings came to her mind. They were all still in the same herd, living with foster parents just like she did but they got separated at a very young age. None of them knew she was their sister – the last bit of her family that remained in relative reach didn’t even know that she was family. (Only Cho had developed the ability to keep memories of her very early childhood – an ability that she wished she never had). None of them were nearly as bad as Shorty of course but they didn’t try to hide that they didn’t like her so Cho had long since ceased to play with them as well as any other children in the herd. They were all the same spiteful, false children who despised just about anything about her. Would the girl in front of her be any different? She seemed older than most of the kids in her herd who bullied her – about Shorty’s age, actually.

'“I am so glad Shorty isn’t here right now…”' The green boy was the only other dinosaur that seemed to give her this strange feeling that she could trust him easily. Well, at least that had been the case back when they first met. Nowadays, he only gave her a reason to live in fear of being verbally and physically attacked at any second.

*

Ali eyed the younger and smaller dinosaur as she approached until she was at a distance of a Longneck length where she stopped abruptly, unsure whether to keep going or not.

'“Hmm, I wonder who she is?”' Ali’s nature was a curious one just like Cho’s. Ali could feel that the girl meant no danger so she gave her a friendly, inviting look. Maybe she’d even find a friend in her?

*

Despite the reassuring response of the injured girl, Cho’s legs still wouldn’t quite move. Too deep remained the fear of being disappointed yet again, too deep the general distrust towards anyone whom she met.[/I]

*

“That sounds much more like the Cho I’ve been warned of…” Littlefoot admitted as the pair continued to walk through the forest which seemed as unchanging as the rocks of the Great Valley.

“Yeah, it was an… awkward first meeting to say the least…” Ali explained, continuing to tell the story to her friend.

*

“Hey little one!” As the child still seemed to be startled of her presence, Ali decided to address her. “Don’t worry, I’m friendly. You can come closer if you like.”

For some more moments, the younger Longneck remained where she was, pondering what to do. Her cautious conscience was struggling with her heart yearning for finding the friend she never had. What was right to do? What could possibly go wrong?

'“She is helpless… so why would she hurt me? She is alone so why would she reject me? It feels just like back when Shorty saved me from my father so maybe she’ll save me too? From being… lonely…”'

With a smile, Ali registered that the little one’s fear seemed to waver. With slow, uneasy steps, Cho approached, her head lowered, her legs ready to jump if necessary… and yet her eyes scanned the older girl in front not because of fear but because of her excitement.

“H-hello…” Cho’s greeting came out as a croaked sound rather than a word. She never talked much unless she needed to thus her vocal chords were a bit rusty.

“Hi, I’m Ali and… I’m new here, I guess,” Ali replied, moving her drained body slightly so she was facing towards the girl with the black skin. “And who are you, little one?”

“I-I’m…” the younger child stuttered, nervousness getting the better of her despite the friendly welcome.

Ali could see that she was incredibly shy. As a matter of fact, she was a shy soul herself so she understood just what the young one was going through right now.

“There’s no need to be afraid,” she encouraged the startled child. “I’m completely strange here, I should be the one to be anxious. I’m really nice, you can trust me,” Ali spoke warmly, responding with an inviting gesture that seemed to have a calming effect on the younger child’s nerves. In reaction, Cho took a few deep, slow breaths, closed her eyes for a moment and relaxed her tense muscles in order to try again, receiving a nod.

“I-I my name is C-Cho, n-nice to meet you, Ali,” the younger Longneck stuttered awkwardly though she slowly got her shy nature under control, the feeling of familiarity getting stronger and stronger the longer she looked at the injured girl.. Seemingly, she had more on her lips but didn’t dare to speak up on her own so Ali took the initiative.

“Cho, that’s an interesting name,” Ali spoke happily, getting a little curious why the young one was showing such curiosity towards her. Was it because she just wanted to get a look at her injuries or did she have some more friendly intention in mind? The fact that she defeated her strong shyness to meet her could only be a result of the same sort of excitement that she and Littlefoot wore in them – the will to discover new things and learn more about this strange and dangerous yet also beautiful world. “You’re shy but you’re also curious… just like me,” Ali noted with a slight chuckle. “I’m sure you didn’t just come here to say hello, did you?”

“Y-you are the girl who was found in the desert…” Cho replied, answering Ali’s question indirectly. “I do not know why I came here – I… I had a feeling that I should…”

“I knew you didn’t come here just to get a good look at how terrible I look right now,” Ali spoke, not failing to let frustration shine through her happy demeanor.

“Are you not feeling pain, Ali?” Cho wondered as her gaze wandered across the body of the older Longneck that was a dangerously thin-looking body with lots of skin peeling away. She had to admit that it made a creepy impression with all the loose skin and the sunburned flesh underneath.

“I do… it hurts like crazy,” Ali admitted. When she saw Cho’s unspoken question waiting to be asked, she went ahead and answered it. “See, I’m just glad that I’m still alive to tell the tale. Moreover, my foolhardy actions had the desired effect, I think…”

“What do you mean?” Cho wondered. One of the biggest questions she had was how Ali ended up all alone in a desert in the first place. After all, she still had her mother to look after her. Did that mean…

“Do you feel it? Do you get the sleepstories too?” Ali inquired. When Cho nodded, she continued. “Well, I ran away from my herd. The leader ignored the sleepstories and decided that the herd wouldn’t go on this adventure but I couldn’t accept this! I knew that something was about to happen somewhere far away. Something great, something… exciting! I just mustn’t miss it!”

“I am feeling the same but…”

I know, Cho…” Ali sighed. “I almost got myself killed there, I thought the sleepstories would guide me and I’d be old enough to be alright on my own… how wrong I was…” Ali looked down sadly. “But… there was another reason why I took the risk…”

“What would that be?” Cho wondered. The longer they talked the less awkward it felt to be around Ali.

“I am hoping to see a distant friend of mine wherever our sleepstories guide us and… to be honest, it was a pain in the… see, my herd was…” Ali sighed. “I just couldn’t stand it there anymore. I was lonely because there weren’t many other children and I… didn’t really have any friends there…”

Suddenly, Cho didn’t feel strange at all anymore. Studying Ali’s emotions going on a wild coaster, she felt as if she was looking at a mirror. The older girl was just as lonely. Was that the reason why she looked so familiar at first sight? It wasn’t like she had recognised a face; a feeling hard to define and understand.

“I wonder… how is this herd like, Cho? Are there many children like you and me? How are the leaders like?” Ali questioned. Already when she had first seen her, she’d been wondering why she was alone. Children usually formed small groups to play together during breaks in her old herd.

“You are asking the wrong Longneck, Ali…” Cho replied, her mood shifting in a blink of an eye. Suddenly, her head was hanging low. “Ask the popular children if you want to find new friends. If you hang around me, they will reject you too…”

At that moment, it dawned on Ali why Cho wasn’t playing with the other children she had seen running around nearby. '“She’s just as lonely as me…”'

“They hate me… you know?” Cho spoke, depressed.

It took Ali some moments to think of a reasonable response to cheer the young one up. “So you came because you thought that I was feeling lonely… just like you?”

“M-maybe? I… I didn’t really think about that…” Cho replied awkwardly.

“You know, I wouldn’t mind if we talked a little more… like to stay for a while, Cho?” Ali gave her a shy smile.

At this point, Cho had lost any doubt that may have remained in her until now. Ali was so kind and she was very similar to her, how could she not be honest with her? Cho trusted her heart this time. Hopefully, it wouldn’t result in yet another disappointment.

“See, I’m too weak to move much yet and… I’m really bored,” Ali admitted reluctantly, gritting her teeth.

“If you really wish me to stay…” Cho responded, unsure what to make of the request since she was mainly used to rejection and hate. “I do not think that I am good company though…”

Ali didn’t react to her self-conscious words but, instead, gestured to Cho, who was still standing a few feet away from her, to come closer. “Make yourself comfortable, Cho.” Only after Cho had taken a seat next to her, she added with a warm smile. “Your company is better than not having any.”

“Right…” Cho sighed.

“I wonder… why do the other children dislike you, Cho?” Ali then picked up the previous talk again. “I mean, you’re kinda shy and self-conscious but I like you, Cho. I don’t understand… how can the other children dislike someone like you so much?”

“They don’t dislike me, they hate me, despise me… and you don’t know me, Ali. You don’t know how I am like most of the time…” It wasn’t exactly a cheerful topic to talk about but Ali needed to know why Cho was so lonely.

“Of course I don’t know you, I just met you, silly!” Ali chuckled to lighten up the mood though it hardly had the desired effect. “See Cho, why is it that they think of you that way? And what do they do to you? And what 'are' you like most of the time???” Ali knew that she’d probably asked too many questions at once but she just couldn’t help it. Here and now, she wanted to understand the young girl next to her and try to help her if possible. Loneliness was nothing to be desired.

“They don’t like me for a number of reasons… do you really want to hear them all, Ali? All that I know of?” Cho spoke quietly, a slight portion of anger mixing into her gloomy mood.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Cho, but… I’d really like to get an idea of what you’re going through so I can understand you better,” Ali explained, pleading the child to keep talking.

Cho sighed audibly before she began speaking, her self-esteem lowering with every spoken word. “I am not like them, Ali…” Cho admitted reluctantly. “I am not just shy… sometimes I don’t even understand myself, you know? They call me names, call me odd, ugly and weak… and they are right. They push me around and hurt me whenever they want and they won’t stop until I snap or they get bored… Just because I am different, just because I am very moody, just because I have this skin colour and personality… nobody understands me… not even me…”

Ali listened to her very closely. The more she heard the sorrier she felt for Cho who actually seemed like a pretty nice dinosaur to have around. Ali didn’t quite know how to reply though.

“Why am I even telling you this? Most dinosaurs just leave me as soon as they can anyway…”

Ali allowed the words to sink for a short moment before she found the right words to continue.

“Cho… don’t even say such things…” she discouraged her. “I know what it means to be lonely… guess why I wanted to have you stay, silly!” Ali then realised that she’d gotten a bit too worked up about it, taking a few deep breaths to calm down again.

“So you do not want to leave me?“ Cho watched Ali closely, a small portion of distrust that she thought she’d defeated long ago returning to her.

“Cho, I can only repeat what I said… you are here talking to me because I invited you to stay; I would like you to stay a little longer because you are not the only one who is bored and lonely right now… This is the truth.”

Cho gave her a sad look. “I know… sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Ali exclaimed, sending a friendly smile her way. “I can see it in your eyes that you’re sad and lonely, do you even have any friends?”

Cho simply shook her head. There was nothing words could express better than her current face, her head almost hanging on the ground.

“I’m sorry to hear that…” Ali said in a sympathetic manner. Anger rising up, she continued. “I don’t get why everyone just rejects you… you may not be perfect but neither is anybody! We’re all who we are and that makes us special. YOU are special, Cho!”

“Isn’t that just the problem, Ali?” Cho reasoned. “I am despicable because I am so different, so special…”

“Can you try to describe what you are like then? I still can’t agree with what you say about yourself because the Cho I see right in front of me right now is not despicable at all. Much rather…” Ali was about to say more when Cho interrupted her, slightly upset.

“It always depends on my mood… sometimes when I am feeling good for my standards – like right now, I can talk to people and be like a normal dinosaur but, just as often – or, rather, most of the time when I feel bad, I can be very… well, not like right now…” Cho sighed. It was indeed a lucky coincidence that she was going through one of the rare phases of feeling rather good. Most of the time, she just hated her life, rejecting everybody who tried to get close to her. It was a behavior she couldn’t understand nor fight. Whenever she was caught in such a mood, it was best to stay away from her. Cho just hoped her sociability would remain on a rather high level for a little longer for Ali seemed like a dinosaur who wouldn’t turn away from her as easily as the other children in her herd. Maybe she wouldn’t reject her and try to be her friend? Cho was still feeling strangely comfortable around Ali… almost as if she wasn’t a stranger to her after all…

“What are you like when you are like… that?” Ali wondered curiously.

It took Cho a while to respond. “I… I would probably just want to be left alone… angry, sad… and yet I would feel lonely. I can’t help it…” Cho looked down sadly. Her life just sucked in every aspect.

“Isn’t there a way to fight this?” Ali inquired. “I mean… see, you could still try to not act like that… couldn’t you?”

“It doesn’t work…” Cho shook her head. “Like I said, sometimes I don’t understand what is going on with me. It is as if somebody else controls me… I hate it!”

“Maybe I can help you?” Ali wondered.

“It would be a waste of time, Ali…” Cho began to notice the shift in her mood. If it continued to worsen…

“Hey, don’t be so pessimistic,” the older girl suggested, smiling weakly at her. “There must be a way… there’s always one.”

“I… think I should go now,” the younger girl mentioned downheartedly, the shift in mood continuing. Already, she began to feel the urge to be alone again.

“You don’t have to go, it’s alright,” Ali confirmed with an inviting gaze. “I really appreciate your company, please stay…”

Cho gave the older girl a confused look. “Why, Ali? I don’t understand…” She flinched slightly as she said her next words. “Nobody likes to have me around…”

“Cho…” Ali looked at the younger dinosaur with a slightly sad look on her face. Right now, she felt incredibly sorry for the young one who really didn’t seem to have it easy in life. However, Ali already had an idea how to improve her situation as well as her own.

“It’s the truth!” Cho added defiantly, followed by her turning away from Ali, looking at her reflection in the water. “When I look at my reflection, I don’t even want to be around myself…” she muttered.

“Cho, stop saying these things!” Ali pleaded almost desperately. Listening to the girl talk so low of herself hurt her. “I would really like you to stay, get to know you better… See, I think we’re more alike than you think…”


*

Suddenly, Ali remembered something Cho recently told her.

“We actually have a lot in common, Ali – more than you can imagine right now…”

Now that she thought about it, maybe Cho’s riddle wouldn’t be too hard to figure out? However, first she had to finish telling Littlefoot about her first meeting with her friend.

*

“See, this is just what I was referring to… I cannot help acting like this…” Cho flinched, turning away from Ali, closing her eyes, feeling just terrible.

“I think all you need is someone to break that vicious circle of being lonely and sad,” Ali hypothesized. Of course there was little to prove it but, certainly, it couldn’t hurt to have such a dinosaur around, could it?

“Ali, are you serious?!” Cho inquired, catching the implications of Ali’s words right away. Would this older girl really want to befriend her despite all her flaws?

“Of course I am, wanna be friends, Cho?” With delight, Ali observed how emotions changed in Cho in an instant.

“And you… you really…”

Ali laughed. “Yes, Cho. I really do mean it. Don’t let others tell you what you are and how you have to be. You are probably a really funny girl once you aren’t lonely anymore. Just be yourself and try to work on you, I’ll help you, okay? Though I think I still have to work on myself too,” Ali chuckled. “Or else I’ll lose my head next time I go on an adventure without thinking first.”

For the first time on this day, Cho’s facial muscles twitched, forming a smile that started out weak and faint, soon growing wider and wider. “Thank you, Ali. We are friends now.”

“We are friends now,” Ali repeated, a bright grin appearing on her face too and, as if to seal the new bond between the two girls, Ali gave her younger friend a nuzzle. The two friends then locked eyes, grinning at each other sheepishly. It was only then when Cho noticed that Ali’s eye colour matched her mother’s perfectly. Was that the reason for the feeling of familiarity and trust that she’d felt ever since meeting Ali? Back then, Cho didn’t know but she would soon figure it out on her own…


*

“You were her first friend, Ali. I guess you’re probably about as important to her as if you were her sister,” Littlefoot spoke, acknowledging Ali’s decision back then.

“Well, the age difference is about the time that a Longneck needs to make the next clutch of eggs… I guess,” Ali replied though she didn’t know for sure if she remembered that particular lesson of Old One correctly. “She could be my little sister indeed… to be honest, it already feels a little like that.”

“I guess so…” Littlefoot shrugged. “Did you know about Cho’s… past back then?”

“No, I only heard of it later,” Ali responded. “Yuyun told me when Cho invited me to spend the day with her some days later.”

“What did you do after becoming friends that day by the way?” Littlefoot continued to ask in curiosity.

“Mostly, we spend the rest of the time talking about the herd and playing the cloud guessing game. I didn’t think you’d be as interested to hear about that too…” Ali explained hesitantly. “Should I…”

“Nah, you were right there.”

Ali poked out her tongue which Littlefoot returned just as readily. “Watch out for the spiders, Ali. They like to eat tongues the most, you know?”

Ali quickly checked her surroundings to be safe though there was nothing to worry about except more trees which wouldn’t allow them to locate themselves.

“Got’cha!” Littlefoot snickered.

“I’ll get you for that, you know?” Ali shouted in playful fury.

“Good idea, catch me if you can!” Littlefoot teased, dashing ahead.

“Oh, just wait you little…”

As the two Longnecks made their way through the unknown territory, laughing could be heard all along.

~~~~~

I actually had in mind to put this scene a few chapters earlier but I kinda uhh... forgot :p Seems like it fits in the way it is now. I was gonna have Littlefoot and Ali go adventuring again anyway, the transition to them getting lost was just too hilarious not to make use of it ^^spike

I hope you liked both chapters I uploaded, let me know what'cha think as always :)

I'm not really sure what to do with the next chapter yet as it'll be more of a filler, I guess, but I'll think of something good ;)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Sovereign on April 07, 2017, 05:14:01 PM
I was beginning to wonder where the new chapter (or two) has been. It's great to see you finally resume this story and both chapters were nice to read. It seems the Gang's part is finally going to get larger and it's an interesting idea to bring a new character to their sublot. (I'm not sure if Lizzie is the best name I've heard but alright). I'm looking forward to seeing where her character will develop and how she is going to impact the main storyline.

Also, it was nice to see that the love triangle isn't going to happen. :lol The whole Littlefoot/Ali sequence was amusing even if it got pretty awkward later on. It seems Ali isn't going to get over the nuzzling part anytime soon. Also, the spider scene and the characters' antics in it were rather hilarious  :DD In the latter chapter, Cho and Ali's first meeting was quite sad but it fit well into her character and far from cheerful past. Her life was clearly glorious before she met Ali. There were some problems with the italics on that part, though.

These chapters were really well-written and a nice return to this story. :) They managed to establish a solid new sideplot to the story while deepening Ali and Cho's relationship. I hope your writer's bloc will stay away for a while: I'm really looking forward what is going to happen in this story.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: rhombus on April 09, 2017, 01:55:02 AM
My apologizes for not seeing this until now.  These two chapters were very welcome additions to the story that clarify a bit of Littlefoot and Ali's thinking.  Though the love triangle possibility is off of the books, I can't help but think that things with Cho are still going to be quite a bit complicated. Littlefoot can be quite the unintentional heart-breaker.  :p

Now the addition of Lizzie with Pat is a very interesting one.  Lizzie seems to have a deep silence and foreboding to her, which can be indicative of a hard life, which was all but confirmed in what we are hinted about with her past.  Though I almost wonder if there isn't something else about her.  She almost has some autism like symptoms in certain ways, though I am probably reading too far into it.  In any case, a most interesting addition.  :yes

My apologizes once again for missing these chapters when they were originally posted.  I look forward to seeing how all of these plot points develop in the installments ahead.
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 09, 2017, 01:48:31 PM
Quote
I was beginning to wonder where the new chapter (or two) has been. It's great to see you finally resume this story and both chapters were nice to read. It seems the Gang's part is finally going to get larger and it's an interesting idea to bring a new character to their sublot. (I'm not sure if Lizzie is the best name I've heard but alright). I'm looking forward to seeing where her character will develop and how she is going to impact the main storyline.
Lizzie (I'm not the most creative person when it comes to names  :bang ) remains a mystery for now but, as you should know by know, information will come piece by piece until, eventually, Lizzie won't be as mysterious anymore, uhh I guess :p She's definnitely going to have a role to play, that much is certain ^^spike

Quote
Also, it was nice to see that the love triangle isn't going to happen. dino_laugh.gif The whole Littlefoot/Ali sequence was amusing even if it got pretty awkward later on. It seems Ali isn't going to get over the nuzzling part anytime soon. Also, the spider scene and the characters' antics in it were rather hilarious  dino_happier.gif In the latter chapter, Cho and Ali's first meeting was quite sad but it fit well into her character and far from cheerful past. Her life was clearly glorious before she met Ali. There were some problems with the italics on that part, though.
Problems with the italics? I didn't see any when I took a quick look at it before posting, can you point them out? Also, I was using additional ' xxx ' to indicate inner dialogue (which usually gets the italics). Maybe it is that?

Anyway, I'm glad you liked those scenes :) Cho's and Ali's scene was the reason for my writer's block though, ugh :lol

Quote
These chapters were really well-written and a nice return to this story. smile.gif They managed to establish a solid new sideplot to the story while deepening Ali and Cho's relationship. I hope your writer's bloc will stay away for a while: I'm really looking forward what is going to happen in this story.
Thanks a lot :)

It seems so for the moment. the next chapter is a bit tough because it's a bit of an inbetweener but once I get past that chapter, I should have a pretty good idea what to write next for these chapters :yes

*

Quote
My apologizes for not seeing this until now.
It's been 3 days, that's not much. I'm lagging behand 1-2 months with reading  :bang

Quote
These two chapters were very welcome additions to the story that clarify a bit of Littlefoot and Ali's thinking. Though the love triangle possibility is off of the books, I can't help but think that things with Cho are still going to be quite a bit complicated. Littlefoot can be quite the unintentional heart-breaker.  dino_tongue.gif
You should know Cho by now... she IS complicated  :p Glad you liked the additions!

Quote
Now the addition of Lizzie with Pat is a very interesting one. Lizzie seems to have a deep silence and foreboding to her, which can be indicative of a hard life, which was all but confirmed in what we are hinted about with her past. Though I almost wonder if there isn't something else about her. She almost has some autism like symptoms in certain ways, though I am probably reading too far into it. In any case, a most interesting addition.  in-yes.gif
Funny that you mention autism... I tried to give Cho that impression of autistic behaviorisms :p As for Lizzie, you will get to know more about her soon. So much confirmation for now: Yes, she has had a hard life... stay tuned for the details, I'm sure you'll be... surprised :)


Also, I have another question: Did anyone notice something in that Ali/Cho scene? One of my readers had a pretty... interesting theory about the two to say the least. I'm just curious if anybody else noticed something  :huh:
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Sovereign on April 09, 2017, 04:31:49 PM
I'm sorry if I'm being nitpicky but the scene I meant is this one.

Quote
So far, the girl had been walking along the stream but the only interesting things to see were the rocks shining through the crystal-clear water. Though, as she kept on going, inspecting the occasional rock that caught her interest, the child eventually noticed another girl, being somewhat older than her, lying close to the water. Upon closer inspection, the little one noticed the obvious sunburn, immediately recognising who this girl was. “She’s the girl the herd rescued!”


There's this extra italic sign and I thought the italic sequence ended rather oddly. However, it's nothing serious. :)
Title: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on April 25, 2017, 06:02:58 PM
Should be fixed by now, thanks :)

No new chapter (yet though it's close to being finished) but I'd just like to share a very special comment with you that somebody on ff.net made a while ago. Found it to be very uplifting and really gave me that kick that helped me to defeat writer's block :)

Here you go:

Quote
This is what a Land Before Time sequel should be. It perfectly emulates the mature themes which made Don Bluth's movie a masterpiece. You've written a very touching chapter that could easily have come from the original film. I also appreciate what's been done with Ali, she's always been one of my favorite characters in the entire series, yet the television series butchered her character. Unlike her appearance in the TV show, this actually feels like a legitimate continuation of the character we were introduced to in Journey Through the Mists. I think Ali has the potential to be a fascinating character if Universal just knew how to use her properly. In Shorty's Dark Past she is an interesting and well developed character in her own right, not merely a love interest, and we finally get to see her receive the attention she deserves in the franchise. Also I love how you've written the romantic chemistry between Littlefoot and Ali. Unlike countless other fanfics that I've reviewed, we actually see their relationship develop gradually over time as they grow closer and it feels very natural. While they did have a mutual crush for one another in Journey Through the Mists, authors typically don't give them time to bond emotionally before making them a couple. I hope to see more of this in later chapters. You should think about applying to Universal if you can, the series needs people like you who care about the characters and crafting compelling narratives. I hope you consider writing a sequel; until then keep up the good work. You're one of my three favorite authors on this website.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 06, 2018, 05:33:17 PM
Big announcement guys concerning the future of Shorty's Dark Past! :wow :wow :wow

The story has been on hiatus for over a year now for various reasons (me being lazy and constantly occupied with other writing projects probably being the biggest contributor) and neither have really changed haha. Regardless, I have a new approach that will hopefully allow me to continue the story one day. It's been lingering in the back of my head for at least a year or two but now I'll finally do it. Here goes...

The story as it exists at the moment is cancelled, SDP 2.0 will be my new project which is going to get its own thread as soon as planning is finished (and a good reading session too, I'd imagine lol)

What exactly does that mean for the future of the story?

Well, feel free to call it whatever you want but I shall refer to it as a fresh start. The story will undergo smaller and more significant changes from now on. Initially, my writing style sucked to begin with and I absolutely wouldn't read my own stuff right now I mean what the hell did I do? Not just grammar-wise or stylistic, but the plot was really weak early on (how the heck did I get people interested in this LOL xD). In the later parts of the story, I will change quite some things as well though none of the stuff that happened will probably be deleted but I feel my initial approach wasn't the best so it'll be a heinous act of getting this all planned before I start writing.

At this point, I am not sure to which extend I will write stuff from scratch. There are certain chapters I'm still pretty proud of but then again I kinda went over board with some others so expect certain scenes to be altered significantly.

I promise the story will be much better than it is at current and I hope that you'll guide me on the way and keep reading once I have completed the planning stage of this new project (note: I usually don't write a plan of my stories but in this case it's the only way to ensure I will achieve my goals and have a smooth progress, not forgetting about important things and arranging scenes in a logical order.

Well, that's it I guess. I currently estimate that I can start writing somewhere around July if I can keep my motivation up (and school isn't a jerk to me)

Well, wish me luck!  :celebrate
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Sneak on June 07, 2018, 05:42:21 AM
Ducky, once again, I give you small advice to you - don't bare more than one-two writing projects (or even any other big projects) at the same. As result, you will not finish all of them in the worst case. :'( I cry every time when I see new abandoned projects or projects that, after long living time and size of events in it, were changed from beginning plan in the very root.

 
Though, I think, if author do think some big elements of his story so far was written bad, it's good to start to change it and remake some things. :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past
Post by: Ducky123 on June 20, 2018, 12:14:05 PM
I'm making good progress so far. I've written down my "changelog" up to chapter 10 so far (the first 15 being the ones I need to revamp the most) With the addition of a few more scenes and generally much longer scenes, I am already up to 18 chapters planned at this point :P

Would you be interested in me sharing my planned changelog beforehand or would you like to stay in the dark until I am done and ready to upload the first revamped chapter? :)