Shorty's Dark Past

[rhombus]

My apologizes for not seeing this until now.  These two chapters were very welcome additions to the story that clarify a bit of Littlefoot and Ali's thinking.  Though the love triangle possibility is off of the books, I can't help but think that things with Cho are still going to be quite a bit complicated. Littlefoot can be quite the unintentional heart-breaker.  

Now the addition of Lizzie with Pat is a very interesting one.  Lizzie seems to have a deep silence and foreboding to her, which can be indicative of a hard life, which was all but confirmed in what we are hinted about with her past.  Though I almost wonder if there isn't something else about her.  She almost has some autism like symptoms in certain ways, though I am probably reading too far into it.  In any case, a most interesting addition.  

My apologizes once again for missing these chapters when they were originally posted.  I look forward to seeing how all of these plot points develop in the installments ahead.

[Ducky123]

I was beginning to wonder where the new chapter (or two) has been. It's great to see you finally resume this story and both chapters were nice to read. It seems the Gang's part is finally going to get larger and it's an interesting idea to bring a new character to their sublot. (I'm not sure if Lizzie is the best name I've heard but alright). I'm looking forward to seeing where her character will develop and how she is going to impact the main storyline.

Lizzie (I'm not the most creative person when it comes to names   ) remains a mystery for now but, as you should know by know, information will come piece by piece until, eventually, Lizzie won't be as mysterious anymore, uhh I guess She's definnitely going to have a role to play, that much is certain

Also, it was nice to see that the love triangle isn't going to happen. dino_laugh.gif The whole Littlefoot/Ali sequence was amusing even if it got pretty awkward later on. It seems Ali isn't going to get over the nuzzling part anytime soon. Also, the spider scene and the characters' antics in it were rather hilarious  dino_happier.gif In the latter chapter, Cho and Ali's first meeting was quite sad but it fit well into her character and far from cheerful past. Her life was clearly glorious before she met Ali. There were some problems with the italics on that part, though.

Problems with the italics? I didn't see any when I took a quick look at it before posting, can you point them out? Also, I was using additional ' xxx ' to indicate inner dialogue (which usually gets the italics). Maybe it is that?

Anyway, I'm glad you liked those scenes Cho's and Ali's scene was the reason for my writer's block though, ugh

These chapters were really well-written and a nice return to this story. smile.gif They managed to establish a solid new sideplot to the story while deepening Ali and Cho's relationship. I hope your writer's bloc will stay away for a while: I'm really looking forward what is going to happen in this story.

Thanks a lot

It seems so for the moment. the next chapter is a bit tough because it's a bit of an inbetweener but once I get past that chapter, I should have a pretty good idea what to write next for these chapters

*

My apologizes for not seeing this until now.

It's been 3 days, that's not much. I'm lagging behand 1-2 months with reading  

These two chapters were very welcome additions to the story that clarify a bit of Littlefoot and Ali's thinking. Though the love triangle possibility is off of the books, I can't help but think that things with Cho are still going to be quite a bit complicated. Littlefoot can be quite the unintentional heart-breaker.  dino_tongue.gif

You should know Cho by now... she IS complicated   Glad you liked the additions!

Now the addition of Lizzie with Pat is a very interesting one. Lizzie seems to have a deep silence and foreboding to her, which can be indicative of a hard life, which was all but confirmed in what we are hinted about with her past. Though I almost wonder if there isn't something else about her. She almost has some autism like symptoms in certain ways, though I am probably reading too far into it. In any case, a most interesting addition.  in-yes.gif

Funny that you mention autism... I tried to give Cho that impression of autistic behaviorisms As for Lizzie, you will get to know more about her soon. So much confirmation for now: Yes, she has had a hard life... stay tuned for the details, I'm sure you'll be... surprised


Also, I have another question: Did anyone notice something in that Ali/Cho scene? One of my readers had a pretty... interesting theory about the two to say the least. I'm just curious if anybody else noticed something  :huh:

[Sovereign]

I'm sorry if I'm being nitpicky but the scene I meant is this one.

So far, the girl had been walking along the stream but the only interesting things to see were the rocks shining through the crystal-clear water. Though, as she kept on going, inspecting the occasional rock that caught her interest, the child eventually noticed another girl, being somewhat older than her, lying close to the water. Upon closer inspection, the little one noticed the obvious sunburn, immediately recognising who this girl was. “She’s the girl the herd rescued!”

There's this extra italic sign and I thought the italic sequence ended rather oddly. However, it's nothing serious.

[Ducky123]

Should be fixed by now, thanks

No new chapter (yet though it's close to being finished) but I'd just like to share a very special comment with you that somebody on ff.net made a while ago. Found it to be very uplifting and really gave me that kick that helped me to defeat writer's block

Here you go:

This is what a Land Before Time sequel should be. It perfectly emulates the mature themes which made Don Bluth's movie a masterpiece. You've written a very touching chapter that could easily have come from the original film. I also appreciate what's been done with Ali, she's always been one of my favorite characters in the entire series, yet the television series butchered her character. Unlike her appearance in the TV show, this actually feels like a legitimate continuation of the character we were introduced to in Journey Through the Mists. I think Ali has the potential to be a fascinating character if Universal just knew how to use her properly. In Shorty's Dark Past she is an interesting and well developed character in her own right, not merely a love interest, and we finally get to see her receive the attention she deserves in the franchise. Also I love how you've written the romantic chemistry between Littlefoot and Ali. Unlike countless other fanfics that I've reviewed, we actually see their relationship develop gradually over time as they grow closer and it feels very natural. While they did have a mutual crush for one another in Journey Through the Mists, authors typically don't give them time to bond emotionally before making them a couple. I hope to see more of this in later chapters. You should think about applying to Universal if you can, the series needs people like you who care about the characters and crafting compelling narratives. I hope you consider writing a sequel; until then keep up the good work. You're one of my three favorite authors on this website.

[Ducky123]

Big announcement guys concerning the future of Shorty's Dark Past!

The story has been on hiatus for over a year now for various reasons (me being lazy and constantly occupied with other writing projects probably being the biggest contributor) and neither have really changed haha. Regardless, I have a new approach that will hopefully allow me to continue the story one day. It's been lingering in the back of my head for at least a year or two but now I'll finally do it. Here goes...

The story as it exists at the moment is cancelled, SDP 2.0 will be my new project which is going to get its own thread as soon as planning is finished (and a good reading session too, I'd imagine lol)

What exactly does that mean for the future of the story?

Well, feel free to call it whatever you want but I shall refer to it as a fresh start. The story will undergo smaller and more significant changes from now on. Initially, my writing style sucked to begin with and I absolutely wouldn't read my own stuff right now I mean what the hell did I do? Not just grammar-wise or stylistic, but the plot was really weak early on (how the heck did I get people interested in this LOL xD). In the later parts of the story, I will change quite some things as well though none of the stuff that happened will probably be deleted but I feel my initial approach wasn't the best so it'll be a heinous act of getting this all planned before I start writing.

At this point, I am not sure to which extend I will write stuff from scratch. There are certain chapters I'm still pretty proud of but then again I kinda went over board with some others so expect certain scenes to be altered significantly.

I promise the story will be much better than it is at current and I hope that you'll guide me on the way and keep reading once I have completed the planning stage of this new project (note: I usually don't write a plan of my stories but in this case it's the only way to ensure I will achieve my goals and have a smooth progress, not forgetting about important things and arranging scenes in a logical order.

Well, that's it I guess. I currently estimate that I can start writing somewhere around July if I can keep my motivation up (and school isn't a jerk to me)

Well, wish me luck! 

[Sneak]

Ducky, once again, I give you small advice to you - don't bare more than one-two writing projects (or even any other big projects) at the same. As result, you will not finish all of them in the worst case. :'( I cry every time when I see new abandoned projects or projects that, after long living time and size of events in it, were changed from beginning plan in the very root.

 
Though, I think, if author do think some big elements of his story so far was written bad, it's good to start to change it and remake some things.

[Ducky123]

I'm making good progress so far. I've written down my "changelog" up to chapter 10 so far (the first 15 being the ones I need to revamp the most) With the addition of a few more scenes and generally much longer scenes, I am already up to 18 chapters planned at this point

Would you be interested in me sharing my planned changelog beforehand or would you like to stay in the dark until I am done and ready to upload the first revamped chapter?