Shorty's Dark Past

[Ducky123]

Sleepstories are haunting the Longnecks. Many follow their insticts and go on a journey to an epic event that they feel will happen wherever their insticts will lead them. So do Littlefoot, Ali and Shorty with their folks. But there's something about Shorty. Something that had happened in his early childhood still haunts him... Based on LBT 10 but many details changed

Hi everyone, here's a little preview on the real thing. Tomorrow, I'll start publishing the first chapter
Above is a little summary. As always, I'd be happy to hear (eh read) your opinions, thoughts, critism and praise or whatever you have in mind
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Shorty's Dark Past

Prologue:
It was night on planet earth. All dinosaurs were sound asleep. Although Littlefoot, Ali and Shorty lived at totally different places, they were having the same sleepstory. They writhed in sleep, moaned and mewled, eventually waking up screaming in horror...
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Chapters may be a little longer than the ones you're used to reading from my first story

The first chapter will be my take on how Shorty and Bron met and what their backstories are like

[rhombus]

Sounds very promising.  It seems to me that there are far too few stories exploring the backhistory of Shorty.  There is much that we do not know about the small, green longneck and I think that it is obvious that his early life was not a happy one, with him being an orphan and having to care for several other younglings.   I am definitely looking forward to this.

[Ducky123]

Here we go!!!
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Chapter 1:

Shorty awoke. The previous day, he had been found by a grown-up, protecting some hatchlings who were younger than him being pretty young himself and wandering through the barren landscape in desperate search of his mother and food. The grown-up was a Longneck like him and the hatchlings - handsome and strong but not very talkative. As Shorty and the grown-up had found each other, the little Longneck at first had thought that the one staring at him might want to harm him so he had positioned himself in front of his followers in a protective manner. The big Longneck had observed the young  ones from all sides and continued his slow trot without paying them any further attention. Shorty had noticed how depressed the Longneck looked. Since the hatchings and he were all alone and exposed to the Sharpteeth, the little one had decided to follow the grown-up dinosaur who had noticed them but kept his mouth shut. So the little ones had followed him all day until the Bright Circle had left the sky, disappearing behind the horizon.
Shorty looked around but he couldn't spot the grown-up anywhere. Some hatchlings were weeping so Shorty comforted them; at least he tried.
Then, surprisingly, the grown-up dinosaur appeared from behind a rock face and approached, walking briskly.
"Follow me, younglings. I found a watering hole some distance away," he told them.
The hatchlings cancelled crying and darted towards the tall Longneck as fast as their legs would carry them.
He turned tail and wandered towards the supposed watering hole.
Shorty remained skeptical because he didn't trust the discreet and mysterious Longneck yet. His father had always told him not to trust anybody, neither friend nor foe. Tears filled the young one's eyes. He still couldn't believe that, what his father had done, had really happened and frankly neither wanted to talk nor to think about that. He steadied himself and followed the others.
After some walking, they could spot a small lake in the distance.
"I've been in this area before as a youngling," the grown-up narrated. "Back then, everything was green and whereever you were looking you could see trees and bushes. But as you can see, the land has been changing. Nowadays, everything has died so food and water are rare. Anyhow, let's go to that watering hole to satisfy our thirst. If we're lucky, we might even find some food. We'll see..."
The little ones ran off, playing tag, whereas Shorty and the grown-up followed them in a trot - each of them being busied with their own thoughts.
The watering hole was further away than they had assumed and the Great Circle burned down on the sourced up dinosaurs.
Eventually, the hatchlings were tired so that the grown-up carried them.
Shorty went on valiantly even though his feet were aching and the heat was unbearable. His father had always told him never to give up and to keep the aim in sight. The lessons of his father were the only things Shorty had liked his father for. He probably wouldn't have survived thus far otherwise.
After a while, the grown-up asked Shorty if he would like to be carried as well.
"Thanks for the offer but I'm capable of walking on my own!" Shorty answered in a chilly tone that he actually didn't intended to use.
"It's no problem on my end, really. I'm alright, but you look pretty exhausted. I just wanna help you," the tall Longneck explained.
"My father has told me not to trust strangers," Shorty replied, emphasising 'father' in disgust.
"Well, of course your father is right there. My parents used to tell me that on every occasion too."
After a short moment of silence, he continued.   
"You don't seem to like your father, do you? Where are your parents uhm... what's your name by the way?"
"The name's Shorty. Yours?"
"I go by Bron. You can trust me. Y'know... I have a son, that is if he's still alive..."
"Hmmm, how 'bout this? You tell me your story and then I gonna tell mine, agreed?"
"Agreed! Shall I start?"
"Yep, go ahead!"
"Alright! So y'know, I used to live in a land that was similar to this one in the past with my family. There was a enough food to go around and we were relatively save from Sharpteeth. I'm skilled in fighting, just to let you know, so you don't need to be afraid as long as you stay close to me." Bron smiled at Shorty.
Shorty seemed to trust him the more he was telling him.
"Cool! If you don't mind carrying me, I'd like to now."
Bron had to laugh, seeing Shorty's sudden change in mind. Lowering his head, Shorty climbed up, taking a seat.
"Continue please, Bron."
"Well, we were happy there but then the land began to change. Everything dried up and turned into barren land. My mate told me that she expected offspring and that she didn't want raising the kids in such an unfriendly and dangerous area. So I wandered off to find a better place where we could live with many other Longnecks in harmony. Following the Bright Circle's highest position on the sky, I eventually discovered such a place after a long journey. I immediately returned to my family to lead them. My only son, as I was told later, had already hatched for a while at this time. He should be about your age by the way. So I returned to the nest. The only thing I was still able to find was a monstrous crack in the landscape - just where the nest had been. I was shattered. My family wasn't there anymore. I hoped they had left prior to the earthshake having caused the crack but up to this day I don't know if anybody has survived. Some time ago, I finally met somebody who was aware of my mate's fate. She had battled the biggest, meanest Sharptooth ever heard of and seen. My son had been chased by him when my mate chimed in and defended him by all means. She fought well but finally she got ripped out a part of her back and neck and died later."
"I'm sorry, Bron. What happened to your son?"
"If only I knew... During the fight, a huge earthshake struck the region and created that crack I spoke about earlier. I don't know where the fight had taken place since my family had left the nest due to lack of food, apparently. Anyhow, I'm in search for my son since an eternity but I found literally nothing! I'm about to loose my faith. My only hope is that my mate's parents might have found the little one, raising him, whereever they may be."
"I sincerely hope they did," Shorty said. "I'd love to have playmates of my age. The hatchlings don't count."
"I believe you, Shorty," Bron responded in thoughts. "Now tell me your story."
"Okay. I wasn't as happy as you with your family: A mother I never got to know and a father beating the guts outta me and my four siblings."
"Your father thwacked you?!?"
"Yeah! When we haven't behaved well or when he simply was in a mood, we received beating - mostly for no reason. Thus, my mother had left for being brutal and mean and always thinking about him only - prior to us even hatching. She couldn't take the eggs with her after all. My father's actual problem was that he was addicted to a certain kind of leaf. Whenever he hadn't had any, he was extremely aggressive and usually in a bad mood. The land got drier and drier. When my father couldn't find any leaves anymore, he announced we'd move. We wandered through mainly dry wasteland for weeks. He didn't find his leaves so we received beating every day. Most of the time, we were terribly thirsty and starving. At last, we found small oasis - hardly bigger than the one in front of us - where we found enough food and water. My father combed through the whole area, seeking for his leaves. We were forced to support him despite not wanting to. Day after day! Luckily, we didn't find any. My father accused us of not looking properly, shouting at us for ages. I became furious because he always thought about himself, and never about us. I told him that. I was bludgeoned worse than ever before; the jerk stopped long after everything blackened out. As I woke up in the next morning, I had a nasty headache and my leg was sorely damaged. My body was covered in all sorts of injuries, in fact. My siblings told me what he did and I told them that I'd leave, run off. I asked them to come along but they didn't want to so I ran off all alone, having eaten and drunk as much as I could."
"That's hard to swallow..." Bron stated huskily. "Did you recover from all those injuries?"
"The headache and the smaller ones were gone soon but my leg had hurt for quite some time. I was straying for such a long time that I have forgotten how much time has passed since I ran off."
"You were lucky, Shorty!" Bron said. "You could've died of thirst or starvation very easily or one of those Sharpteeth could've eaten you."
"Yeah! You're right, Bron. I gonna get some rest until we're there."
"Alright, Shorty!"

Not soon after, they arrived at the watering hole that luckily offered some edible food.
Shorty stayed with Bron. They wandered to the land that Bron had chosen for his family originally and stayed. Nothing had changed there, many Longnecks were living in a paradise.
Bron soon became the leader of a steadily growing herd. The hatchlings were adopted by other families - but not Shorty. Since he wasn't adopted, Bron took care of him.

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So what do you think of it?

Uploads won't come as often as they do for my main fic but I try uploading weekly

The next chapter is about, guess whom Ali

[Nahla]

I'm not really a Shorty fan (Mainly because of his ego he seems to  have but don't  hate him,just not a huge fan) but I LOVE this story. I feel kinda bad for him that his father abused him *hugs Shorty*.

[rhombus]

Poor Shorty    Although, this does add some context to his self-sufficient and commandeering demeanor.  It explains his trust and intimacy issues quite well.

This is a rather good introduction to Shorty's tale that definitely sets up later events (including Bron finding Littlefoot) quite nicely.  I rather liked how you elaborated on Shorty's past and how that has affected his outlook on life.  Now that the reader has a deeper emotional connection to Shorty, this will make him more suitable as the main protagonist of the story.  I look forward to seeing how this story develops.

I did find a few words choices, however, that could be modified to better fit the vocabulary of the Land Before Time.

As Shorty had found the grown-up, respectively having been found by the grown-up, the little Longneck at first had thought that the one staring at him might want to harm him so he had positioned himself in front of his followers in a protective manner.

The portion ", respectively having been found by the grown-up, " could possibly be omitted as it makes the sentence flow in an abnormal way.  Alternatively, the sentence could be reworded to simply indicate that "As Shorty and the grown up found each other, the little longneck..." as that would indicate the same information but flow in a more natural, conversational way.

"Alright! So y'know, I used to live in a land that was similar to this one in the past with my family. There was a sufficient amount of food and we were relatively save from Sharpteeth. I'm skilled in fighting, just to let you know, so you don't need to be afraid as long as you stay close to me." Bron smiled at Shorty.

Instead of "a sufficient amount of food" perhaps "there was enough food" might better fit the vocabulary of Bron.  I would expect words like "sufficient" to come from Mr. Thicknose and the rainbowfaces, but not from most of the other adults.  Also it should be "relatively safe", not "relatively save".

Besides those minor issues with word choice, I found this to be a rather intriguing start to the story and I look forward to the next installment.  

[bushwacked]

Sorry I'm taking so long to get these back to you... I'll have them back by Friday, honest  

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter - learning about Shorty's past was certainly interesting, and I liked seeing how he and Bron first met. The only part I found maybe a little jarring was that Shorty went from being cold and untrusting towards Bron, to suddenly being open and having an in depth conversation maybe a little too quickly. Also, if a character says that he'll do something, it should be I'm gonna not I gonna.

Aside from that, really good chapter like I said. Definitely looking forward to seeing where it goes form here  

[Ducky123]

Thanks everybody

I'm not really a Shorty fan (Mainly because of his ego he seems to have but don't hate him,just not a huge fan) but I LOVE this story. I feel kinda bad for him that his father abused him *hugs Shorty*.

I'm glad you think so, Nahla. This abuse thingy will eventually have an effect on Shorty's behavior... though not too soon

Poor Shorty sad.gif Although, this does add some context to his self-sufficient and commandeering demeanor. It explains his trust and intimacy issues quite well.

This is a rather good introduction to Shorty's tale that definitely sets up later events (including Bron finding Littlefoot) quite nicely. I rather liked how you elaborated on Shorty's past and how that has affected his outlook on life. Now that the reader has a deeper emotional connection to Shorty, this will make him more suitable as the main protagonist of the story. I look forward to seeing how this story develops. smile.gif

I did find a few words choices, however, that could be modified to better fit the vocabulary of the Land Before Time.

QUOTE
As Shorty had found the grown-up, respectively having been found by the grown-up, the little Longneck at first had thought that the one staring at him might want to harm him so he had positioned himself in front of his followers in a protective manner.


The portion ", respectively having been found by the grown-up, " could possibly be omitted as it makes the sentence flow in an abnormal way. Alternatively, the sentence could be reworded to simply indicate that "As Shorty and the grown up found each other, the little longneck..." as that would indicate the same information but flow in a more natural, conversational way.

QUOTE
"Alright! So y'know, I used to live in a land that was similar to this one in the past with my family. There was a sufficient amount of food and we were relatively save from Sharpteeth. I'm skilled in fighting, just to let you know, so you don't need to be afraid as long as you stay close to me." Bron smiled at Shorty.


Instead of "a sufficient amount of food" perhaps "there was enough food" might better fit the vocabulary of Bron. I would expect words like "sufficient" to come from Mr. Thicknose and the rainbowfaces, but not from most of the other adults. Also it should be "relatively safe", not "relatively save".

Besides those minor issues with word choice, I found this to be a rather intriguing start to the story and I look forward to the next installment. in-yes.gif

Thanks rhombus I'll change those eventually (that's what you get for publishing your stuff prior to having somebody check it ) Though, I can't blame you bushie You're doing a great job and I'm to be blamed for being too fast
Anyway, that's why I won't upload more often than once a week.

Sorry I'm taking so long to get these back to you... I'll have them back by Friday, honest dino_angel.gif

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter - learning about Shorty's past was certainly interesting, and I liked seeing how he and Bron first met. The only part I found maybe a little jarring was that Shorty went from being cold and untrusting towards Bron, to suddenly being open and having an in depth conversation maybe a little too quickly. Also, if a character says that he'll do something, it should be I'm gonna not I gonna.

Aside from that, really good chapter like I said. Definitely looking forward to seeing where it goes form here smile.gif

Just take your time proofreading
Well, you have a point there. Shorty does have such a shift in mind because he only refuses to accept Bron's help due to his pride. Eventually, he drops it for being tired of walking. Besides, Shorty notices that he could actually relate to Bron somewhat.

I'll put that 'gonna thing' in my pipe and smoke it, as the saying goes (that is if my research is being correct)

[Ducky123]

Chapter 2:

Ali woke up. All around her were Longnecks, trees and rocks gliding through the air. Ali, gliding as well, jumped on one of the flying treetrunks which began to rotate around its axis due to the impact so that Ali almost plopped off it. She giggled. Abruptly, spooky, dark clouds appeared out of nowhere, eclipsing the area. Rings made out of cloud encircled the Bright Circle, closing in. Ali closed her eyes in fright. However, her curiosity quickly grew over her terror so she opened her eyes again. She saw the Bright Circle growing bigger and bigger...
Just at the very moment at which the Circle would have crashed into the ground, Ali awoke, panting. The pink Longneck girl looked around. Seemingly, she wasn't the only one being haunted by strange sleepstories. A cry just echoed which sounded as if it were uttered by the leader of her herd - the Old One.
All of a sudden, Ali's Mother turned around in sleep, rolling on her daughter. Ali screamed in pain and surprise and woke up her mother by doing so.
"Mum! You've rolled on me!!!"
Ali's Mother jumped to her feet, startled.
"Curse you sleepstories! I'm terribly sorry, sweetie... Did I hurt you?" she stammered.
"First, I'm not your 'sweetie' anymore! I'm not a hatchling after all! Second, yes I'm hurt... byYOU!!!" Ali cursed and sweared.
"Don't talk to me like that! It's not my fault when nasty sleepstories are hunting me! Besides, you have had one last night as well, crying 'Mother' all the time!!!" Ali's Mother countered, hitting a full blow.
"Alright... truce," Ali called, nerved. "Now that's why everyone was staring at me like that yesterday..."
Just then, the Old One passed by.
"Well hello, you certainly look as restless as I do."
"Yes, we've been having this sleepstory every night, always the same one," Ali's Mother replied.
"By the looks of it, almost everybody seems to be affected."
"Yeah, my mum rolled on me!" Ali piped up, unasked.
"Can you explain this, Old One?" Ali's Mother asked, frowning.
"Those sleepstories only appear to affect us Longnecks," she spoke. "I have had talks with dinosaurs of other kinds and nobody had any unusual increase in bad sleepstories, or always having the same one over and over again for that matter..."
"Does this mean that... all Longnecks all over this world are having the same sleepstory?" Aliwondered in excitement. Her hope to meet a certain dinosaur in the near future was just being reactivated.
"If I'm not mistaken, little girl, you might be right," the Old One spoke.
"Awesome!!!" she exclaimed merrily. "Then Littlefoot ought to experience them too!"
"Who is Littlefoot?" she wondered.
"A friend of mine. Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike too!!!"
"Ali is talking about the nephew of the old Longneck living in the Great Valley. Back then when we last visited the place, he got dangerously sick. Only the Nightflower from the land where we came from could prevent his certain death. Littlefoot brought the Night Flower in time due to Ali's help," Ali's Mother narrated.
"Yes, I remember now..." the Old One replied. "Who are those other folks though?"
"Friends of mine too," Ali prattled.
"The young Longneck may be friendly and kind but he has a weird bunch of friends if you ask me... Unfortunately, my little daughter seems to have befriended them as well," she explained.
"MUUUUUM!!! Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike are alright and I'M NOT LITTLE!!!" Aliscreamed.
"Ali behave! They aren't Longnecks like us which means they can't be friends of yours! They're different from us and everything that’s different is dangerous and to be kept away from. Have you got this, young lady?"
"YES!"
"Old One, you were about to tell us the reason for the sleepstories, weren't you?"
"Oh right, I think, for the purposes of the herd, it is wisest to call a meeting when the Bright Circle enters the sky to unfold my thoughts, guesses and intentions to everybody."
"Why of course this is wise. Why would we receive any preferations anyway?" Ali's Mother laughed subserviantly.
"Yes, you are right. Now settle down and rest. Good Night!"
"Good Night!" mother and daughter called.
They indeed settled down - Ali kept a fair distance to her mother, just in case... They soon drifted off into a troubled sleep...

In the following morning - the Great Circle was about to rise up into the sky - Ali was woken up by her mother because the meeting would start as soon as the Bright Circle had risen. Ali wasn't particularly pleased since she just had been having a wonderful sleepstory about Littlefoot and his friends. Her mother washed her face, using her tongue, since Ali had to look proper.
"Cut it off!!!" Ali groused.
"You ought to look nice," her mother retorted.
"Bla, bla, bla..."
"Ali!!! Stop being naughty!"
"Just leave me in peace!!!"
"I believe I need to report your bad behavior to the Old One. You won't have anything to laugh about in that case, young lady!!!"
"That's it?"
"Come on, Ali!"
"Nay!"
"ALI!!!"
"Catch me if you can!!!"
"YOU ATTEND THAT MEETING NOW!!! You'll regret it deeply, I promise you that!!!"
"Yawn..."
"ALI!!!"
"This herd is just BOOOOOORING!!! I want to have FUN!!! And I won't let you spoil me having some!!! Seeya!" Ali stormed off.
"YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE, YOUNG LADY!!!"
"Not bothered..."
"ALIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"
Yet Ali didn't obey. Before she disappeared in the jungle, she roared.
"I HATE YOU!!!" She ran away, kicking every pebble in her course.
Ali's Mother sighed and took a few deep breaths to calm down. Then she attended the meeting...

The Old One stepped into the semicircle built by her herd members and started her speech.
The gossip of the gathered Longnecks immediately ceased.
"Good morning, fellow Longnecks."
The crowd replied blearily.
"As you certainly have noticed already, we Longnecks - and that applies to our kind only as I discovered at doing some research among other creatures - have sleepstories every night. It is the  very same one everybody is experiencing."  
She made a short pause to listen to any comments the Longnecks might utter.
"Yeah, I know mine by heart!" somebody called, annoyed.
"Me as well!" another Longneck exclaimed in frustration.
They called, screamed and ranted in a mess, forcing the Old One to intervene.
"Now do not talk all at once," she piped up indignantly. The crowd ceased talking.
"Very well! Your reaction validates my presumption. Everybody is having sleepstories, truly everybody."
Her gaze wandered to a nearby mountain chain for a short moment. They had discovered this place being quite hospitable from up there. They had been dwelling there for quite some time since two young females would become mothers very soon. The place was about the size of the Great Valley, though it was in reach of  Sharpteeth and offered less food than it. As long as there was enough food to last, so the Old One had decided, they'd stay until the little ones could walk on their own. She gazed for any possible threats - an important thing to do being the leader of a herd and a role the Old One was more than willing to take due to being born over-cautious and apprehensive, so were most of the members of her herd. Since she didn't spot any possible threats, she continued.
"I will now report to you what I have experienced in my sleepstories and how I felt at that and then I will ask you whether it is similar to yours. I wake up on the ground and there are many Longnecks all around me who, like all the trees and rocks, are flying. They are moving into a certain direction. I feel that I need to follow them. As soon as the desire to follow them pipes up in my head, I get heaved up into the air tailfirst. My whole body is eventually being carried by the  air as if invisible forces are working. I follow my fellow Longnecks. But suddenly, a shadow is being put upon us. I look into the sky and I see how black clouds stack up at a crazy speed, aiming towards us. The clouds form rings around the Great Circle, approaching in the process. I shut my eyes since the Bright Circle is shining too bright to look into it for a long time. Then I try to open them again but the only thing that I can see is how the Bright Circle grows bigger as if being thrown from the sky, falling onto us. I always wake up panting, occasionally crying. Whenever I have woken up, I have a weird feeling. I feel as if I am supposed to go to a specific place but neither do I know where to go nor why to go nor what to do once having arrived. These days, I suffer of persistent restlessness which is, knowing me, not my self. Now, my fellow Longnecks, I ask you. Do you feel similar to me?"
Immediately, they began talking in a mess again. The Old One picked up enough pieces of conversation to be completely sure.
"Okay, enough," she stated and the herd subsided on command.
"You have the same feelings that I have. That was to be expected. After all, why should I be the only one, taking into consideration that we all are having the sleepstories?"
The crowd agreed, murmuring.
"What is causing me a headache, is the unevitable question whether or not to follow our instincts. Of course, we would miss something, staying here. I feel it, an event will take place and it will be gorgeous!"
The herd nodded  in agreement.
"Mind you that two members of this herd," the Old One gazed at them. "Will have offspring in the near future. The eggs are about to be laid but the breeding uses up a lot of time as you should know. Therefore, we would have to split the herd."
Most of the Longnecks didn't seem to like that particular thought. Here and there, they were whispering.
"Moreover, the possibility of many unneccessary dangers would have to be accepted for something that we honestly don't know anything about, for something we merely feel. Sharpteeth, fire pits and big wastelands without any water or food are only a couple of the many dangers that might do our herd harm. But the group that will stay here for the sake of protecting those emergent parents would be under even bigger danger for it would very likely be a rather small group and there is safety in numbers after all. After all, who would want to stay if almost everybody else goes to see that event whereas you are supposed to stay behind with a little minority, exposed to Sharpteeth and other offending creatures?"
"Well, I’m gonna stay here!"
"Yeah, we're safe here, relatively."
"And who knows if we'll find food on our way..."
The crowd started debatting the matter loudly. The Old One didn't chime in this time - she intended the herd to make this tricky decision. She let them discuss for a while until one discussion after another fell silent.
"Very well."
The herd dedicated their attention on the Old One, somewhat slower than they usually did though.
"I let you discuss this over because I do not like to make this decision myself. So let us vote on the matter."
The crowd seemed to appreciate her proposal.
"Everybody who thinks of doing the perilous journey may stay where they are. Everybody else may walk to those massive rocks." She pointed at a few rocks decorating the meeting place behind her.
"If you are not quite sure yet, walk to where I am currently standing. Further questions?"
The herd agreed, only one of the emergent females piped up.
"Will you vote too, Old One?"
"Of course! I like everybody here am a part of this herd albeit I am in the lead. I have casted my decision already but I will be the last of us to confess my opinion for you should not make your own decision on the basis of what I consider right. Well then, let the vote begin!"
The Old One was fairly convinced that her earlier speech had affected the herd's opinions to big enough a degree to assume that the majority would vote for staying. Luckily, most of them shared her views on many things, anyway. She was pleased to note that the vast majority made a pilgrimage to the rocks. Hardly anybody remained on their spots, nobody came to hers. Joining the majority, she proclaimed.
"The vote is valid! We will stay here. I hope that the minority can accept that as well."
The few dinosaurs that would have dared the journey, including Ali's Mother, nodded.
"Very well, the meeting is over! I only hope that the sleepstories will not vex us too badly."
The herds separated into several groups and walked off to different places to eat, drink or bath.
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Here we have Ali, her mum and the Old One. As you have probably already noticed, I haven't kept them in-character exactly. Tell me your thoughts, opinions, praise, critism...

Next chapter's about Shorty & Bron.

[rhombus]

Interesting.  It seems that the gang's views on tolerance of other kinds has rubbed off on Ali.  Likewise, it looks like that Ali's brief taste of adventure in the Great Valley has made Ali somewhat contemptuous of herd life.  It will be interesting to see where this leads.  

Just a few things that I noticed:

"Alright... ceasefire," Ali called, nerved. "Now that's why everyone was staring at me like that yesterday..."

I think that "truce" would be a better fit here than "ceasefire".  The term ceasefire presupposes firearms of some kind, which would not fit into a prehistoric setting.

"Well hello, you certainly look as restlessly as I do."

"restlessly" should be replaced with "restless" in this context.

Overall this is a good addition to the story.  Although I understand why the producers didn't add her in the tenth film, I always thought that it was a missed opportunity of sorts.  I look forward to seeing how the addition of Ali affects how the story develops.  

[Ducky123]

Thanks rhombus

I thought a rebellious side of Ali would really add something to her character (some pre-puberty insubordination )

Again, thanks for pointing out those little mistakes

The next chapter will be uploaded in the proofread form

[Ducky123]

Chapter 3:

Shorty rolled around in his sleeping spot. He dreamed that he was able to fly and that many, many Longnecks in all shapes and forms were able to fly as well. They were heading to some place though Shorty didn't quite know where to. He only knew that it would be a lot of fun.However, it suddenly became sinister. The Bright Circle was surprisingly covered by black clouds looking like rings. They were moving towards the Circle that spent light and warmth. Shorty watched the event, eventually being forced to close his eyes since the Bright Circle shined too bright. He then opened his eyes again, seeing how the Bright Circle grew bigger and bigger onthe sky. Finally, the little, green Longneck uttered a short but shrill scream and awoke, panting...

The next morning, Shorty and Bron had a talk.
"Bron, tonight I had this sleepstory again..." Shorty whined.
"Yes, so did I, Shorty," Bron replied. "Say, do you feel as restless as I do?"
"Yes! As if I... had to go somewhere... Almost spooky..." Shorty said excitedly.
"The other Longnecks have this very sleepstory too, hence I plan to call a meeting to discuss this matter."
"Yeah, good idea."
Bron being the leader of the herd, leading them through the plentiful "Land of Daily Skywater", their home, stopped in his tracks.
"Listen everyone," he called. "Due to the matter of us having sleepstories every night, I hereby call a meeting to discuss further actions of this herd."
"The herd gathered around their leader in a wide circle. Shorty stayed with Bron for he didn't have any friends to play with, either within or outside the herd. Most of the children were too much older or younger than him to start someting with them. Bron began to talk.
"Y'all know this sleep story, don't you? I've heard many of you talking about this lately."
Bron's herd agreed.
"Good! Are you feeling so... restless lately? Especially after having had the sleepstory?"
Discussions spread.
"Alright, enough," Bron exclaimed afer some time. "I've just heard many of you talking about a certain feeling. As if you want to go to a certain place even though you have no clue where to go, isn't it?" Bron twinkled.
The herd agreed with their leader.
"Something great is going to happen. I feel it. And whatever it is, I want to see it, to be there."
Bron, being the daredevil and brave Longneck he was, made a jubilant gesture.
"At last, we’re gonna have an adventure! What do you think, guys?"
"Oh yeah, it's pretty boring here."
"But out there are many Sharpteeth..."
"I wanna see a sharptooth dare to attack a herd of this size," Bron snickered. "As long as we stay together as a herd, not a single Sharptooth will annoy us."
The startled dinosaurs were being convinced. Everybody would come along.
"Good, matter's discussed," Bron said, ending the meeting. "Now get some rest and eat your fill. We might have to deal with long periods of lack of food and water. When the Bright Circle enters the sky tomorrow, we'll start the journey."
The herd spread out. Since Sharpteeth prefered open terrain, Bron's herd was relatively save in their lands. Hardly any Sharpteeth dared to show their faces there. The far more dangerous packs didn't enter at all, mostly sticking to hunting in the wastelands.

In the evening, Shorty and Bron looked up at the lights in the sky. They did that whenever the lights weren't concealed behind shy puffies. They usually climbed one of the many hills to think. Shorty often thought about his family, about his brutal father, about his mother whom he never got to know and about his siblings whom he had to leave behind because they didn't want to join him. He sighed.
Bron thought about his family a lot too - about his mate who had been killed by the most dangerous known Sharptooth, about his parents in law who hopefully raised his little son and, obviously, about Littlefoot himself. He actually never completely abandoned the hope to find him one day although chances were very low.
He sighed as well.
"What is it?" they questioned each other, piping up at the very same moment. They broke into laughter.
"Was just thinking about Littlefoot, y'know..." Bron eventually explained, being the first to recover from their burst of laughter.
"I was just wondering whether all Longnecks experience the sleepstories," Shorty wondered.
"Because... if I was right, we might see our long-lost relatives, won't we?"
Bron’s mood suddenly lightened up.
"Shorty, you’re a genius!" he called - so loud in fact that some members of the herd jerked out of their sleep. He nuzzled Shorty.
Shorty grinned shyly. Although Bron tried to be like a father towards him, such moments of fondness  between them were rather rare; their relationship was more of a friendship-like nature.
"Wow, am I?" Shorty asked, chuckling.
"Why yes! I can't believe that I haven't come up with that myself although I have my head in the clouds all day," Bron snickered. "Now to answer your question, Shorty. If you ask me, it's fairly possible, if not likely, that we'll meet your mother, for instance. My parents in law used to be very brave, just like you and I are, thus I'm fairly confident that they take the efforts of travelling if their age lets them. That all is, provided they made it long ago..."
"What are 'parents in law'?" Shorty questioned, making a face.
"Oh, you call the parents of your love that. Mine are Littlefoot's Grandparents - my own parents have passed on a long time ago already."
"Okay, didn't know that."
"Be on the lookout for a girl with nice parents, I advise you out of experience," Bron chuckled.
"Will do! Do you think we'll meet Littlefoot too?"
"If only I knew..." Bron sighed. "If he has found his Grandparents after that earthshake and if his grandparents have made it out alive as well, he'll be there as well, probably.
"Yes, I still remember the time when you told me the story. His mother protected him from this Sharptooth and died in the battle... sad story."
Both drifted off into their own world of thoughts again.
"By the way... how am I supposed to find my mother if I have never seen her before?" Shorty wondered, puzzled. "I only know she's very tall. My dad didn't say much more about her. Mostly, that she was tall and beautiful..."
"If I spot a tall and beautiful female, I'll let you know, agreed?"
"Of course!"
After a short while, Shorty yawned.
"Guess it's time to head off. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day."
"Okay Bron, I'm tired anyway."
So they walked to their nest and fell asleep quickly. And of course they had the sleepstories again...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the next one, hope you enjoyed the read

The next chapter is a little shorter. Ali's at her thinking place, coming to a decision that has grave consequences for the story

[rhombus]

This was quite a good addition to the story.   I think that the conversation between Shorty and Bron is quite in-character for them and actually shows a bit more interaction between the two than what the tenth film indicated.  I consider that to be a good thing.

I only noticed a few minor mistakes:

"Now get some rest and eat your full. We might have to deal with long periods of lack of food and water. When the Bright Circle enters the sky tomorrow, we'll start the journey."

This should read "Now get some rest and eat your fill."

"What's it?" they questioned each other, piping up at the very same moment. They broke into laughter.

This should read "What is it?"

"Be on the lookout for a girl with nice parents, I advice you out of experience," Bron chuckled.

This should be reworded to say "I advise you out of experience."

Besides those minor issues I noticed no problems with this chapter.  I am very curious to see what decision Ali makes that will have grave consequences.  I look forward to your next chapter.  

[Ducky123]

Thanks for your constructive comments again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 4:

After the quarrel with her mother, Ali ran to a small watering hole only she was aware of. Having arrived there, she plopped down on the floor right on the edge.
She saw her reflection in the calm water of the watering hole. Tears dripped into it, disturbing its calm surface. Tiny waves spread annularly, blurring her reflection.
Ali had to digest her wrath directed at her mother. What she had said regarding her friends, was everything but not nice. Why didn't the grown-ups understand that other kinds were worth as much as Longnecks? Moreover, Spiketails, Bigmouths, Flyers and Threehorns weren't a threat at all, provided they don't get offended which could end nasty, especially if Threehorns were involved.
Ali hadn't seen Littlefoot and his friends for what felt like an eternity, since the Old One had decided not to visit the Valley too soon due to the incidents back then. Ali had run away to find the rare Night Flower for Littlefoot's Grandfather along with Littlefoot himself. The elderly Longneck had suffered of a mysterious sickness. Luckily, the golden blooms cured the sickness. To Ali's misfortune, her behavior had broken the herd’s laws. Based on this, the Old One had decided to 'protect' Ali from further bad influences by those "Great Valley brats". Ali would cross the Big Water if it meant seeing her friends again. Only few young dinosaurs were part of the herd, and none of them wanted to deal with her.
She clinged to her memories of the journey to the Land of Mists with her friends. She remembered how she had met Littlefoot and later the rest of the Gang too (how could she possibly fail to remember Cera's aversion against her...). Ali thought about Littlefoot being the nicest of the group. Every game she played with the boy was hilarious. On top of that, she admired Littlefoot's bravery and she really liked him.
She thought about Ducky always being cheerful and funny and about her brother Spike whose hunger never seemed to cease being very friendly although he wasn't capable of talking, or not willing to.
She thought about the Flyer Petrie too who was pretty funny and nice as well as having a funny way of talking.
Last but not least, she thought about Cera whose friendship she had to earn by saving her life. She missed all of them a bunch, though she missed Littlefoot most. For some peculiar reason, a curious feeling established in her tummy whenever she was thinking about him, or moreover, imagining to play with him and the Gang.
The rate with which the tears left her eyes increased. Ali began to sob a little which wasn't odd at all, considering that she did it daily at these days. Her life was uneventful and predominated by the strict rules of the Old One. She didn't consider her wise at all.
Ali spent most of the time at her secret place, deep in thoughts or daydreaming, crying or simply being bored. She hardly felt real appetite, only eating for the sake of eating. Consequently, she was quite thin. She could hardly endure the time she was with her mother anymore. Ali really loved her but she was  unnerved all the time... Ali don't do that, Ali do that... it drove her nuts. To avoid those moments she spent as much time at her secret place as she could. Alone. Her only thought was how to get away from all this...
"Wait a minute!" she thought loud, ceasing the sobbing instantly. "THAT'S IT!!! I'll buzz off, I will! I will see what everybody won't and I will likely meet Littlefoot there."
She paid the feelings in her heart some attention and felt where to go. The young Longneck ate and drunk as much as she could because she might have to wait a long time to find food and water.
Without telling anybody where she was going, she wandered off - all alone into the outside world with its many dangers...
For the first time in ages, Ali felt truly happy...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quite a change of character Ali has gone through, isn't it?

Next chapter will be about Bron/Shorty again...

[rhombus]

Very nice chapter.   I especially like how you depicted the Old One's herd of still retaining the xenophobia that was depicted in the first film.  In many cases where such a mindset is present, the simple witnessing of other races (or in this case, species) living together will not be enough to shake that engrained mindset  In fact, in some cases the prejudiced individuals may actually cling to their beliefs even as they are challenged on all sides.  The fact that the Old One interpreted Ali's journey with Littlefoot as a sign that the being with other kinds was a bad influence, as opposed to a sign of empathy and loyalty, is a clear sign of that.

I certainly hope that Ali finds some help in her travels.  Being a lone longneck child in the Mysterious Beyond is not an enviable position to be in.

[bushwacked]

I liked this chapter too - even though it was a little shorter, it was still a nice insight into Ali's feelings, and it gives good reasons as to why she'd want to leave. I agree with rhombus about the xenophobia theme too, I always liked that angle in the first film and it's good to see it brought back here  

The only problem I had with this chapter (and it's not really a problem, more of a preference) is that if there's a a big, long block of writing, it's a little easier to read if there's a few paragraphs put in. Apart from that, nice job - looking forward to the next one  

[Ducky123]

Thanks

I wasn't quite sure where to put paragraphs... I usually do whenever there is a change of character (not the case here)... I'll see if I can add some of them...

[Ducky123]

Chapter 5:

The next morning, the herd gathered as the morning dawned. Bron, carrying Shorty on his back, wandered to the front of the herd.
"Are you ready?" he called, receiving a positive feedback. "Then let's wander off. Follow me!"
So they walked through their land towards their destination, following their instinct only. Nobody knew what their destination might look like and where it might be. They followed  their leader who seemed to know exactly where to go.
They needed a few days to leave the outskirts of their land having large dimensions. Then they trampled over grasslands that got drier and drier the more distance they walked. Eventually, they found themselves in a deserted area. The wasteland seemed to extend into eternity and offered neither food nor water at all.
Shorty was forcefully reminded of the time when the Land of Daily Skywater hadn't been his home yet. He remembered how Bron had found him - without protection and starving. He often had to get on without anything to eat or to drink for a long time. He feared he would have to soon.
"Bron?" Shorty questioned. "How long will we have to walk until the next source of food? Because I hate to be hungry."
"I can't tell you," Bron answered. "I have no clue where our destination is and if there's any food on our way, but I'll know when we've found it."
"You gotta know where we are, don't you?" Shorty asked in an attempt to dig deeper.
"Well, I know where we are right now, but since I don't know where we're heading, I can't give an answer, sorry."
"So the place gotta be somewhere you've never been yet?"
"I believe so. I honestly can't remember walking in that direction ever before."
"Ohh..." Shorty sighed, apparantly concerned.
"Well, going on an adventure does mean to wander to unknown lands and to master dangers. Though the dangers for the herd aren't so big because of our sheer number. No Sharptooth would dare this suicidal act of stupidity. "Though bigger groups of them might be a threat, don't worry as I know what to do."
Shorty remembered how Bron outfought four fully grown Sharpteeth on his own once.
"I feel save being with you, Bron," Shorty exclaimed. Bron smiled.
"Yes, there are also dangers nobody can outfight though. Do you know any, Shorty?"
Shorty quickly considered.
"Does not finding any food count as a catastrophy?" Shorty responded eventually.
"Can't you stop thinking about food?" Bron asked and rolled his eyes, amused. "I'm talking about earthshakes, smoking mountains and bad weather. We can't do anything against earthshakes for they just happen without any announcement of the catastrophy. Smoking mountains can be circumnavigated which is time consuming. Therefore, if we happen to come across one, we'll go straight forward. There are usually signs for bad weather but we can't really dodge it mostly since it usually covers big areas.
"I don't think about food all the time!" Shorty retorted.
"You won't starve, trust me," Bron snickered. "You're eating for two anyway so it'll probably last until we find an oasis."
Shorty still wasn't completely convinced by Bron's speech.
"I know a small valley a few daywalks from here. It'd be a big detour, unfortunately."
"Maybe we'll meet more Longnecks there?" Shorty piped up hopefully.
"Maybe... I'll ask the herd in the evening whether to walk the long way to have a snack or to take the straight way."
"Okay," Shorty simply replied, falling silent for the rest of the day.

In the evening, Bron called his herd to gather.
"We have two options now. There's a small valley not too far away where we could eat and drink. Chances aren't too bad that we might meet other Longnecks there who could join us if they want. The snag is that it's a huge detour. We'd lose some days if we didn't walk even faster. I don't want to expect too much from you but being there in time or our journey will be to no avail. What do you think?"
"I'm hungry so why not?"
"But we want to be there in time..."
"Yeah, whatever awaits us won't wait forever!"
The herd seemed to be separated. Bron couldn't recognise a clear majority...
"Okay. Since both parties seem to be relatively equal in numbers, we have two options: voting or separating. What do you prefer?"
"Bron?" Shorty asked in a whisper.
"Yes, Shorty?" the spoken-to murmured.
"What happens if we separate the herd?" What group will you lead?"
"Later..." Bron replied since he had to pay attention to the herd.
"Oh common!" Shorty whined.
Bron ignored the young one. Again, there wasn't a clear majority.
"Hmm.. alright. Let's vote whether we should separate the herd or not. If you wanna keep the herd together, walk to me, if you wanna separate it, go there." He pointed behind the crowd. While the dinosaurs 'voted', Bron called.
"Hey Shorty, you're eliged to vote as well."
Shorty was sulky but he voted nevertheless. In Bron's herd, children had the right to voice up their opinions too. Their voices had only half of the value of the grown-ups though.
Shorty walked to the 'separate herd' party whereas Bron would rather see his herd kept together.
Bron counted the two parties' numbers. His fear became truth: The 'separate herd' party was stronger in numbers.
"Well, well, you have cast a decision," he simply said. "I'll lead the group that goes the straight way since they're the smaller group. Besides I don't wanna miss that event. You'd better hurry if you wanna make it in time. Anyway, good night!"
His herd wished him a good night too.
Bron and Shorty chose a place to rest and layed down.
"Well, looks like we're going to separate," Bron said sheepishly.
"Yeah... but we gonna meet again soon," Shorty replied, grinning.
"Yeah, we gonna. Goodnight!"
"Night, Bron!"
All of them drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope the next two or three chapters won't be boring as there isn't any "real" action in them  :unsure: It'll get really interesting soon enough. That, I promise you

Well, the next chapter... you'll see how Ali's doing and how the herd's going to react to her sudden disappearance. At the end, you'll get to know an OC of mine.

[rhombus]

I found this to be an interesting addition, as we get to see more of the herd dynamics in Bron's herd.  It will be interesting to see if Bron has any deputies who will be willing to manage the other group.  It seems to me that a moderately sized herd with no leader would be in serious trouble.

I look forward to the next installment.  

Just a few corrections to note:

"Bron?" Shorty questioned. "How long will we have to walk until the next source of food? Because I hate to by hungry."

It should read "Because I hate to be hungry."

Though bigger groups of them might be a threat but therefore I became the leader:"

This sentence should probably be revised.  I understand what you were trying to convey but it doesn't seem to flow from the sentence.  Perhaps it could be rewritten as "Though bigger groups of them might be a threat, don't worry as I know what to do." or simply "We must still be careful, though, as bigger groups of them might be a threat."

Shorty remembered how Bron outfoughted four fully grown Sharpteeth on his own once.

It should read "Shorty remembered how Bron outfought four fully grown Sharpteeth on his own once.

But besides those few problems, I noted no other grammar or spelling issues.

[Ducky123]

Oh, those are silly mistakes Thanks for pointing them out, rhombus!

Don't worry about the part of the herd Bron won't lead... I have a well suited dinosaur who will lead them

[Ducky123]

Chapter 6:

Ali's euphoria didn't last long. Her short legs wouldn't carry her at a fast pace. Whereever she looked upon, was flat wasteland until beyond the horizon. Only in the far distance, were some mountains here and there. She was seemingly the only animated thing in this vast desert - she didn't see anything even though the sight was farly good. Ali felt as if walking day after day but not making any progress. Her legs were increasingly unwilling to push her little body forward with every day, her mouth and throat got drier and drier and her hope to ever meet Littlefoot again withered away. Hunger and thirst tormented her body and she was toasted by the Bright Circle at day whereas is was so cold at night that her paws were all numb. She constantly had to remind herself of her aim, and that she was more than willing to reach it. She wanted to be as far away from her mother as possible - for the moment, that was -, far away from the blasted, boring and strict herd and specially from that smart-brainy leader of them.
"At least I got away from that Old One..." she thought aloud on a day where a few Sky Puffies were covering the Bright Circle at times so the heat wasn't as ruthless as most of the time. The air wasn't shimmering as bad as she was used to hence her sight was somewhat greater. Ali scanned her surroundings. The day before, she had seen some funny rocks behind her. Some of them had colours the kind of rock she was aware of didn't have. At first, she didn't pay any further attention to them, presuming the heat to be the cause for this strange sighting.
At that day however, the rocks were still there and appeared to be much closer. Ali was intensely dehydrated and was endangered of dieing from water loss. She hardly made any progress anymore and she became exceedingly weak. In the evening, she was in pain. It was so terrible that Ali collapsed into the sand and started to cry desperately. Though her mother had always told her that crying made the thirst worse, she did nevertheless. Her encrusted eyes didn't produce any tears anyway.
Eventually, she fell asleep, freezing.

Obviously, Ali's disappearance wasn't unnoted for long. After Ali hadn't returned to her nest in the evening, a major search party was created. The whole following day, the herd combed through the valley discruntledly and turned every rock around to find her. Despite their efforts, Ali remained lost.
Her mother was sick of concern. She knew that her daughter ran away due to their fight. She must have thought about her friends and ran off to search the place that all Longnecks wanted to attend to witness the sketchy event. Littlefoot would probably be there... She was aware of the danger her daughter was in. Her journey would lead her through a vast wasteland. She would die of thirst or get eaten by a Sharptooth..
"Can't we send out a search party to go after her?"  Ali's Mother questioned despairingly.
"No! It would be too dangerous!" the Old One replied brusquely.
"Blast it! How can you be so heartless!?!" she shouted at the Old One.
"You may go to build the search party on your own," the old Longneck retorted. "Do I need to remind you of that time when your daughter violated our rules and put the herd into danger. If she doesn't come up with a good excuse, she'll be banished from the herd anyway. Don't look at me like that! You know the rules!"
"She's just a child..." she cried. "She wouldn't have beat it if I hadn't had to raise her with your stupid rules!"
"Enough!"the Old One ranted. "Your future in this herd is at a risk!"
Ali's Mother stormed away.
"I'm going to show her..." she talked o herself, making a decision...

"Be careful, no adventures," Bron told Shorty as his herd was about to separate. Bron would walk the straight way whereas Shorty would head to a nearby valley with the bigger half of the herd.

They wandered the whole next night to be at the valley in the next evening.
Utterly sourced up, they finally arrived there. The Great Circle was just about to leave the sky behind the mountains. The dinosaurs satisfied their thirst and they ate their full on the Treestars that could be found everywhere.
The Old One was everything but happy about that because her herd had to live from the food for a fair while.
"Hey! What gives you the right to eat our food?!" she barked at a few members of Bron's herd. A particularly threatening Longneck stepped to the front and answered the old Longneck's question with a smile.
"Nobody."
"What are you doing here in our valley?" she ranted, not impressed at all by the Longneck's muscles.
"How stupid do you think I am?!" he suddenly thundered. "You're obviously Farwalkers. You have no right to deny us to eat, just like we don't have any right to do that. So get out of our way and let my herd eat. We'll be gone by tomorrow again."
That left the Old One speechless. Never in her long life somebody had impeached her authority like that.
"Now... I beg your pardon!" she barked rudely.
"LISTEN MADEMOISELLE!!!" the Longneck roared, forcing the Old One to jerk. "If you try to prevent us from eating, you'll deeply regret it! Got it?"
"Yeah.." the old dinosaur mumbled, annoyed.
"Good!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next chapter will be about Ali's Mother, mostly. She'll do something that might surprise you... might