Online friends vs Physical friends

oogaboo · **on:** July 04, 2013, 04:52:29 PM

We can all hopefully agree that relationships is the most important and meaningful ways of life. We all want to have a relationship with somebody. However, I’ve been wondering to myself about Facebook friends and friends I’ve met out in the streets. I’ve met many online friends from places other than America, but our relationship isn’t as strong as the people I’ve met physically or even spiritually. For example, I recently met someone on a blog site. We hook up often on Iscribble. We talk, scribble and… that’s about it. Regarding someone else, on this fighting video game, we play a few rounds against each other, team up against others, and have a text chat. I’ve met some folks on Facebook that may say something to me every now and then. The thing that bothers me about online relationships is that I often get friend requests from people I do not know. Sometimes, I feel too wrapped up in this digital bubble. Online dating is even worse. I have 40 friends on PSN, but I’ve had a constant relationship with only four of them.

Physical relationships are people that I can actually meet, greet and maybe hug. It could just be some random person in the elevator or at school. Just saying hi can start a relationship. I won’t have to type my thoughts on a keyboard. My physical friends may not be as many as online friends, but this is all I need.

So what’s your take on online friends and physical friends?

StarfallRaptor · **Reply #1 on:** July 04, 2013, 04:53:48 PM

I have neither, so... I really can't much say either way, honestly.

oogaboo · **Reply #2 on:** July 04, 2013, 04:56:37 PM

^ At least you have some form of a relationship, right?

MurMur · **Reply #3 on:** July 04, 2013, 05:02:59 PM

Quote

We can all hopefully agree that relationships is the most important and meaningful ways of life. We all want to have a relationship with somebody.

Not all.

Mumbling · **Reply #4 on:** July 04, 2013, 05:19:14 PM

There is of course a big difference between online friends and actual online dating, but I believe both can be good if done wisely. I have made many online friends, but only a few of those are close friends today. I'll have to admit those online friends are mostly from the Gang of Five, this is simply a very nice place to be with many nice people around. I never accept friend requests on sites like Facebook from people I do not know, since I have no interest in meeting new people that way. However, if I share interests with someone (Land Before Time, Neopets, old DOS games, Lion King collectables) there is a high chance I get in touch with those people and we can become good friends.

I'm a very shy person in real life. I do not like taking initiatives, and when people talk to me on the street I quickly feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure why. It's just hard for me talking to people face to face, especially when I do not know them well. It is a lot easier for me to get to know someone by expressing my thoughts and feelings on a keyboard. I have met some people that I met online, but that's a limited amount of people and most of those were really close friends. The first person I met in real life who I knew from the internet was my first boyfriend Daniel and I can't say that was a good experience

: However, I did learn from that. In 2009 I met Tim (action9000) in real life, which was my boyfriend back then, and that was a wonderful experience. We would never have met in real life if the internet had not brought us in contact first. My current boyfriend is also someone I met online, although that was back in 2005. I only met him in real life in 2011

And then of course I have my good friends Malte, Littlefoot1616 and Lillefot here on the GoF with which I meet regularly if we can all afford it.

I don't say physical friends are bad, in fact they can be amazing if you need a hug... However, everything else can also be done online. You can talk online, see each other as well. You can play video games, or board games if you wish, online as well. Meeting friends online and getting to know them there is definitely a good thing, meeting them in real life is the next step and is sometimes totally worth it, just because being together is so much fun. All I can say is, combine the two to a healthy level and make sure not to lose yourself on the web!

--Rant over--

StarfallRaptor · **Reply #5 on:** July 04, 2013, 05:43:37 PM

Quote from: oogaboo,Jul 4 2013 on 03:56 PM

^ At least you have some form of a relationship, right?

Erm...no. Not anymore...

jansenov · **Reply #6 on:** July 04, 2013, 05:57:54 PM

I find online relationships to require as much effort as real life ones (if you want to reach the same kind of depth, that is) for less reward. I become frustrated when I can't see the person face to face and can't do anything together in real life, or offer real help to each other apart from a kind word.

In real life I have a group of close friends some of which I have been around for almost a decade, but online I have met some good people, and some fantastic people, expanded my horizons immmensely, and with some of them everything was going in the direction of true friendship, but then I back out once I start fearing that nothing will come out of it in real life.

I also have an inferiority complex that other people lead more interesting lives than myself, (which, objectively speaking, is sometimes true, but many times not), so I feel I have nothing of (social? emotional?) to offer to the person.

So, my online relationships are messier than real life ones. I would be interested to hear whether people feel the same as I do on these issues.

As for online dating, I have never attempted that, and I believe I never will. This is where only real life comes into consideration.

MurMur · **Reply #7 on:** July 04, 2013, 06:48:01 PM

Quote

I also have an inferiority complex that other people lead more interesting lives than myself, (which, objectively speaking, is sometimes true, but many times not), so I feel I have nothing of (social? emotional?) to offer to the person.

My situation is both similar and opposite to yours, jansenov. I have this feeling that other people must have very dull lives, because they spend all their time doing things that I consider boring. I do understand that it's not exactly true. But that feeling doesn't escape me no matter what, so I sometimes try to enrich other people's lives by bringing them joy, but it often fails, because of our VERY different views on what is enjoyable and what's not. For example, I don't understand why people love to brag about their boyfriends/girlfriends, something that is completely unimportant for me. While my own interests and priorities are considered "weird" by everyone. So people usually avoid me, because they need someone to talk with, but I don't have anything to talk about. I don't feel inferiority from that, it's hard to consider boredom "superior".

Ducky123 · **Reply #8 on:** July 05, 2013, 09:43:53 AM

Of course I prefer friendships with people I see regularly in real life (or not so regularly). Sadly, there's only one person out there I would call a good friend of mine since all other friends of mine are either more like buddies than like friends or I just don't see them often enough to consider them close friends.
Since I'm generally shy (I can relate to you very well, Iris) I don't mind meeting people online (such as you guys, members of the GoF). I sure made some friends here

Petrie85 · **Reply #9 on:** July 05, 2013, 09:53:51 AM

I'll saw online friends that are far away. Since than they can't take advantage of you. Since a lot of friends do take advantage of you and so on. That is why I dumped all of my jerk off friends. So I like talking to people online more since I hate going out a lot. So real friends do suck since I had a ton of losers as friends and glad to have gotten rid of then. But you guys are cool I love talking to nick22 a lot on here and the rest of you guys are cool to talk to as well.

StrutEggStealer · **Reply #10 on:** July 05, 2013, 08:37:49 PM

I've been pretty successful at real-life friendships- I got out, interacted, met new people, and hung out with them. Unfortunately, I tend to revert horribly in most public situations (college, brrr!) and sort of zone out and go into my own little world - i spend more time listening than talking, which is a good way to find out what people like to talk about, but not so good on the interaction spectrum. Plus, I have rather weird interests and it's not easy to find someone in real life who is interested to the level I am in LBT (quick shoutout to all you guys on here, TYSM!)
So in this case, I am grateful to have online interactions. You really can find everything on the 'Net :3

Justin1993 · **Reply #11 on:** July 05, 2013, 08:52:33 PM

Quote from: StrutEggStealer,Jul 5 2013 on 07:37 PM

Unfortunately, I tend to revert horribly in most public situations (college, brrr!) and sort of zone out and go into my own little world - i spend more time listening than talking, which is a good way to find out what people like to talk about, but not so good on the interaction spectrum. Plus, I have rather weird interests and it's not easy to find someone in real life who is interested to the level I am in LBT (quick shoutout to all you guys on here, TYSM!)

This is exactly how I am.
I used to have a group of friends, nice bunch, but now they're online acquaintances. It took a bit of time away from them to realize that I didn't really know much about them, nor they me. I still chat with them now and then on facebook, but not like we used to in school. I never see them anymore. I do miss them.
Really, I'm not close to anybody anymore and I can't say I have any friendships with anybody. Acquaintances, yes, but no one with the "friend" title, online or physical.

landbeforetimelover · **Reply #12 on:** July 06, 2013, 04:06:47 AM

100% of my friends are online. They pretty much always have been. I can count all the real life friends I've ever had in my life on one hand. It's just that, nice people are so few and far between. I mean TRULY nice people with no ulterior motives that really care about others. NOT the people that are so good at faking it. I can spot a fake a mile away and unfortunately, 99.99999% of people are just.......selfish and nasty on the inside. Most people are EXTREMELY good at faking it. But I want someone that's truly nice and truly cares about others. I can't speak about people from other countries as I don't have much experience there, but here in America people are really selfish and self absorbed.

I have my teammates in the hacking community and such, but anonymity is the #1 concern so I can't even ask what country they're from. Not that it matters. I'm sure I know people from all races and all walks of life. But I'll never know it and I'll never really meet them in person.

People from GOF are pretty diverse, but honestly I've drifted away from the community over the years. Sure I still post and such, but things just aren't what they used to be. Having no friends in real life can be lonely sometimes. Maybe I'll find a friend in real life someday, but I have no idea how I'd do that. I guess posting in the CL section under "strictly platonic" may work, but I'm terrified that despite the section they'd want it to turn into something else, which I'm just not interested in. *sigh* Oh well.

oogaboo · **Reply #13 on:** July 09, 2013, 10:17:44 PM

Quote

Unfortunately, I tend to revert horribly in most public situations (college, brrr!) and sort of zone out and go into my own little world - i spend more time listening than talking, which is a good way to find out what people like to talk about, but not so good on the interaction spectrum.

I'm actually the same way in reality. Might be the best way to get to know people better.

OllyDirectioner · **Reply #14 on:** July 15, 2013, 12:45:16 AM

Some of the best friends I have are online friends. I hate to say this, but my real-life friends are not even NEAR as good as the friends I've made online. Good friends can be very hard to find, especially when you're shy like me, so many people take to the Internet. Many people also find love online. I fell in love with a guy online that I dated for a year before breaking up with him. The friends I have I wish I could meet in person because I've gotten really close to them..

Kor · **Reply #15 on:** July 15, 2013, 01:45:27 AM

I am extremely shy in rl, and odd compared to other folks. & have almost no interests that folks around here do. I've been told I may have aspirgirs, but I've never gone to a doctor to see if I do or not.

I some online friends, but only maybe 1 rl friend. Maybe an acquaintance really.

Nahla · **Reply #16 on:** July 15, 2013, 02:16:13 AM

I'm very shy in RL,I have my best friend but that about it.

I guess most consider me an outcast,or a freak.

I ain't one of the 'popular' girls that get all the guys,I actually never dated..I had crushes but thats a story for another time

.

I love my online friends such as Molly (somerandomfangirl),David (Ducky123) and Tanya (From another site)

My real life BFF Sarah (Zimba) is kinda like me,we being outcasts together,

I tend to write my feelings out on fics,makes me feel better.

Also the fact I have a panic disorder so in large crowds I often end up collapsing to the ground,they had to call me an ambulance once.

I use the internet as an escape from reality and family drama,I'll be lost without my online gang.

I find it easier to talk by a computer then face to face,I shutter if I have to speak,because of this I dropped out of school (I am 17 which is a legal drop out age here),no point in going if it just stresses me and I can't focus.

The only downside to online friends,they might not be who you think they are.

landbeforetimelover · **Reply #17 on:** July 15, 2013, 07:04:47 AM

I've always preferred the company of females and have had mostly female friends in real life. The only downside to this is the misunderstandings. People always think you're "going out" and they look at you differently. What's worse is when the girl tries to make it into something like that. Since I'm not interested in that sort of thing and it makes it VERY awkward afterwards, I've lost a few friends that way. It really sucks. So I try talking to the girl after we've been friends for a while about the fact that I'm not interested in that sort of thing, then she either thinks I'm gay and "just in the closet" or just a social outcast and doesn't want to be around me anymore.

Now that I'm an adult it's even worse because many women my age are either married or have boyfriends, and they never understand their wives/girlfriends having another guy around that's just a friend. It's all just a complete and total mess.

I've pretty much given up on RL friends.

Mumbling · **Reply #18 on:** July 15, 2013, 07:19:28 AM

That makes perfect sense LBTlover.... I've always felt more comfortable around guys than girls myself, which made people believe I was a huge player. Fact is I'm barely ever interested in a relationship with most guys, because they wouldn't accept some things i do or like.

oogaboo · **Reply #19 on:** July 15, 2013, 03:24:21 PM

It is no surprise to me that many of us are shy in reality. No wonder why Fluttershy is so popular. I too was shy, but when I got older I realized what is the point? I can’t draw back from human contact forever. I can understand being wary of strangers, but eventually I’m going to go outside of my computer. However, most of the things I do are on computers than going outside. Why are we shy? What causes us to be shy?

I don’t blame you for dropping out of the public school system, Nahla. They don’t teach anything important anyways… <_<