The Gang of Five
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Past and Future

LBTlover247

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Hey everyone! I know it’s been a long time since I posted anything so I apologize for that.
   
Anyway, this one-shot is in response to the prompt challenge over on the Gang of Five forum. More specifically, this is in response to the June/July prompt:
   
1) Do a scene where one of the gang is waiting on their eggs to hatch, or is dealing with one of the struggles of parenthood. This can be played for laughs, drama, or any other genre or
2) Do any of the prompts from previous months that you may have missed. If you haven't missed any of them, then feel free to try using one of those prompts again to make a new story.
   
I decided to go with the first one. And I was cutting this kind of close since I started it six days before the deadline. Oh well.
   
Summary: Waiting for your children to hatch is tough. Remembering all the things that led up to this moment is bittersweet. However, the promise of the future also brings despair. Response to prompt challenge on GoF.
   
Hope you guys enjoy it!
---

   Past and Future

He was crouched near the nest, eyeing the three white orbs for any sign of movement. They were due to hatch any day now and he could barely contain his excitement. His mate, who was curled around the nest, looked at him with amusement. He had been like this ever since she announced she was going to lay eggs. She wanted to giggle at his child-like expression of awe as he awaited the hatching of their children.
   
“Chomper?” The sound of his name got his attention as he peeled his gaze from the eggs to her, his expression never changing. She actually chuckled this time. “You do know staring at them won’t make them hatch any faster.”
   
The sound of him groaning made her laugh as he settled down next to her, resting his chin on the edge of the nest. She rolled he eyes at her mate’s antics. He was kind of childish and a little naÔve, which she blamed on being practically raised by Leaf Eaters, but he was passionate and very outgoing. Traits that attracted her to him in the first place. Other Sharpteeth were indifferent and stern, mostly caring only about getting their next meal and survival. Sure, she was considered to be like those sharpteeth, but she had more empathy. And it was because of that empathy that she had met her loving mate.
   
She smiled as Chomper now had a pouty look as he stared into the nest, looking much like a hatchling himself. Shifting so her side was leaning against his, she rested her head on the cave floor and began to doze off. Chomper smiled to himself when he felt her lean up against him and he looked over to see her fast asleep. He sometimes found himself admiring her while she slept, amazed by how peaceful she looked.
   
For years, Chomper resigned to the fact that he could very well be a bachelor for the rest of his life. No other Sharptooth wanted anything to do with him when they learned his view of Leaf Eaters and his aversion to eating them. Then when he and his friends were well into the Time of Great Growing, they went on one of their usual adventures in the cave systems. Unfortunately, a cave-in cut off their way back to the valley and they found themselves in the maze of a large canyon. It was in the canyon that they encountered a female Sharptooth that had made her home there. Rather than trying to attack him and his friends as other Sharpteeth would, she led them out of the maze. She was even interested in learning a little Leaf Eater! Chomper may have developed a crush on the female Sharptooth by the time he and his friends left the canyon. . .
   
For then on, he tried everything he could to get her to like him. He’d convinced his friends to help him clear the rocks from the cave so he could meet her again, while promising that if she posed a danger to the Valley then they would quickly cover the opening. He offered to teach her Leaf Eater and she accepted, something that made him ecstatic. Here was a Sharptooth he could finally teach to be friends! Soon his friends warmed up to her, accepting her as part of the gang and inviting her on their many adventures. Not long after, Chomper confessed to his feelings for her and when they were older agreed to begin courting. That was over three Cold Times ago.
   
Chomper was startled from his thoughts by a soft scratching noise originating from the nest.  He noticed one of the eggs wiggling in its place. He immediately perked up and nudged his mate.
   
“Ari? Arya! Wake up!”
   
The pale grey Sharptooth sighed, her honey coloured eyes blinking open. “What? W-What is it?”
   
“It’s happening!” He cheered, a toothy grin splitting his maw. “Look!”
   
They stared into the bundle of sand, leaves and sticks, watching as the egg wiggled with more intensity. Numerous cracks began decorating its smooth surface towards the upper part of the egg. The egg bulged slightly as the hatchling clawed its way to freedom.
   
“I wonder if this is what the others felt like when I was hatching.” Chomper said, his voice barely above a whisper as he watched his child’s hatching. Arya smiled and nuzzled against him, he lovingly returned the gesture.
   
Suddenly, a clawed foot broke free of the shell, catching its parents by surprise. The other came free next, followed by a short tail. The remnants of the egg was still clinging to the baby’s head, but was dislodged by a strong shake of the head. The hatchling was nearly identical to its father except for its slightly paler colour and orange eyes. It looked around with a chirp before spying its parents and chirping again.
      
The parents cooed to their first born and leaned in to nuzzle the hatchling. The hatchling squeaked excitedly, eagerly nuzzling in return. Shakily, it pushed itself to its feet and tried to take a step forward only to fall backwards onto their tail with a yelp. Arya chuckled softly, nuzzling her baby comfortingly.
   
Chomper snickered. “Excitable isn’t he?”
   
“Must take after his father.” Arya replied, smirking at her mate.
   
“So what should we name him?”
   
Arya frowned in thought. The hatchling stood up again and successfully managed his first step, his talons digging into the ground for stability. He managed to toddle to the edge of the nest and stumble to the cave floor. His tiny face scrunched in determination as he got back to his feet, talons digging into the ground again. He then padded closer to his mother and looked at her with a look of triumph. Arya smiled and gave him a congratulatory lick.
   
“How about we stick to the Leaf Eater tradition of naming things what they are and call him . . . Talon?”
   
Chomper rolled his eyes playfully. “I’m going to ignore that insult. Talon does sound a good fit though.” The newly named Talon chirped loudly causing his parents to laugh and nuzzle him.
   
Their attention was pulled back to the nest when another egg started shaking. Cracks appeared quickly and few pieces fell away. Unlike its brother, this hatchling wasn’t as impatient to get out and took its time. With one final push, the head broke free with a piece of shell sitting on top like a hat. The hatchling then pushed outward with their legs making the shell bulge out before shattering and making the hatchling tumble out into the nest with a squeak. This hatchling was light green with its mother’s honey coloured eyes.
   
The adult Sharpteeth leaned in to nuzzle their new baby like they did with its brother. The hatchling squealed in laughter as they tickled its belly. Drawn in by the commotion, Talon waddled over to insect his new sibling.
   
“She’s beautiful.” Arya breathed. She snorted in amusement when her daughter gave a tiny growl at her personal space being invaded by her brother. Talon mistook this as an invitation to play as he crouched playfully and wagged his tail before pouncing on his sister.
   
“Defiantly takes after her mother.” Chomper laughed. He laughed harder when Arya stuck her tongue out at him.
   
“So you got any ideas?”
   
Chomper hummed as he thought it over. He was surprised by how much his daughter’s colouring mirrored his mother's green hide. Memories flashed in his mind of his mother and how his daughter reminded him of her. Chomper smiled when the perfect name popped into his head.
   
“How about . . . Raina?”
   
Arya cocked her head at the suggestion. “Like your mother?” She asked.
   
Chomper nodded bashfully, turning to the brawling hatchlings. Their daughter fruitlessly tried to defend herself from her brother’s playful strikes, snarling and snapping at him which did nothing to deter him.
   
“I like it. Raina it is.” Arya’s answer caused Chomper to smile with glee and happily nuzzled his mate who giggled.
----
   
They waited well into midday for their third egg to hatch, but sadly not even a twitch. A strange smell started to come from the nest that they, as predators, knew very well. The smell of death. Their last egg was never going to hatch. The joyous day quickly turned to one of sorrow as they went about clearing the nest of empty shells and the lifeless egg. They had experienced this kind of heart break before. Originally, Arya had laid five eggs but one broke during laying and another was stolen when they left the nest unattended monetarily.
   
Still, that didn’t keep them from shedding a few tears when Chomper took the egg outside to bury it.
   
When he returned, he found his mate lying on the ground with the two hatchlings curled up at her side snoozing. It cheered him up somewhat. He moved to join them and sprawled out next to the hatchlings, effectively enclosing them in a barrier made by his and Arya’s bodies. He sighed as he watched them, their limps occasionally twitching or stretching in their sleep.
   
Arya broke the silence. “They’re finally here.” She whispered, tearfully. Chomper gave a small smile and tenderly nudged her face with his nose, wiping away the tears that escaped her eyes. They lapsed into comforting nuzzles and sniffing as their offspring slumbered.
   
Sometime later, the two were roused by a voice outside their cave.
   
“Chomper? Arya? Did they hatch yet? Did they yet Hatch?”
   
The two Sharpteeth smiled when they recognized the voice of their friend Ruby. The Fast Runner was the most helpful and encouraging of their friends, besides Littlefoot. She lent her expertise on nest building and helped Arya when Chomper wasn’t able to. Ruby took her role of honorary aunt very seriously.
   
Chomper chuckled. “Think we should introduce them to their Aunts and Uncles?”
   
Arya grinned and gazed down at their hatchlings, who didn’t look to be waking up any time soon. They were so peaceful and adorable, she didn’t have the heart to disturb them.
   
“In a minute.”
---
   
I might turn this into a series in the future to flesh out my OC and her relationship with the gang. So keep your eyes peeled for that!
« Last Edit: June 28, 2018, 12:04:25 AM by LBTlover247 »


rhombus

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This was very nicely done.  It presents a rather believable pathway for Chomper to find and eventual mate, while at the same time showing that even in the midst of great joy that the harsh realities of the world Chomper inhabits are always present.  I think the only real critique I would make here is that Chomper's or Arya's memories of them first meeting could have been used to elaborate on the event as opposed to telling the audience via exposition, but in a short story such as this some use of telling instead of showing is justified.  

Overall this was quite a good read, and it captured the characterization of the characters in a believable way. I look forward to seeing any continuation of this you may decide to do in the future.  :)


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.


Sovereign

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This was a fun if short look into an easier, merrier way of seeing Chomper's future than usual. The overall introduction was efficient as it established the current situation rather well. The hatching itself was done rather sweetly and the first moments of Talon and Raina's lives were told in a good, warm way. Also, against this happy occasion, it was a good idea to show how lucky the newborn hatchlings are to have even a chance to live in this world.

Even then, the opening narration was written in a descriptive manner without major focus to Chomper's point of view. It could have provided the backstory with more emotion if Chomper himself had reflected on that day. The story could have been a bit longer and expanded the overall situation further but it isn't that big of a problem.

It's great to see a new face on the fanfic contest! This was a solid, sweet story that worked well on this prompt. I hope we'll see more stuff from you in the future!




Fyn16

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Your first submission to the GoF prompt challenge is, if I do say so myself, a very entertaining and well-written initial piece! As they say, now that's how you make an entrance!

I think many of the plot elements within your story have been covered by other reviewers already, but I'd like to point out that I'm really impressed by how natural your OC and a canon character (that is to say Arya and Chomper) interact with each other. Oftentimes, OC and canon character interactions come across as forced, especially when those characters are romantically involved, as is the case here. However in this situation, I'm not feeling any forced romance at all. Arya reads like any other character in the series, with a visible personality (developed as well as one can within a short story), and a visual description that is easy on the eyes. Believe me when I say that a character's physical appearance can be a make it or break it for a story just as much as the author's writing style. Arya feels like a natural addition to the universe, and of all of the possible outcomes for the Chomper story, I think this is certainly one of the versions he deserves.

Of course, I try to offer a little criticism too, as I feel it'd be a disservice not to do so. The only thing that would make this story stronger, I feel, is length. Your characters are well developed, but with a little more time to flesh them out, it'd be easier for the reader to relate to them. This in turn leads to more impactful situations. While the loss of the third egg was certainly sad, I didn't feel that it was as much of an emotional gut punch as it could have been. Then again, perhaps this is what you were going for. With how many eggs probably never make it, perhaps losing a child is a sad but brief event. If that is the case, disregard what I just said.

Criticism aside, I really did enjoy my time reading this story, and I wouldn't hesitate to call this a solid first entry. If you do decide to expand on the Chomper/Arya story, I'll be eagerly awaiting more. Thank you for sharing with us!


LBTlover247

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Thank you all for the critiques! :D  If I wasn't so constricted by the deadline, -my own fault- I definitely would have added more detail or made it a little longer. After rereading it, I'm not as happy with it as I was before. So, I can see myself rewriting/revising this in the future.

Since Chomper is my favourite character, I really wanted him to have a happy yet believable future. I'm SO happy that you all like the way I chose to depict his future although I'm still trying to figure most of it out. If you have some theories please share them!

As for not including a detailed meeting of Chomper and Arya, I was going to, but it would turn out to be too long and would completely overshadow the point of the prompt. And I didn't have ALL of the details worked out yet, but I did know generally how they met. So that's why I didn't go in depth with that memory.

And lastly, Fyn16 your review made my day:
Quote
I think many of the plot elements within your story have been covered by other reviewers already, but I'd like to point out that I'm really impressed by how natural your OC and a canon character (that is to say Arya and Chomper) interact with each other. Oftentimes, OC and canon character interactions come across as forced, especially when those characters are romantically involved, as is the case here. However in this situation, I'm not feeling any forced romance at all. Arya reads like any other character in the series, with a visible personality (developed as well as one can within a short story), and a visual description that is easy on the eyes. Believe me when I say that a character's physical appearance can be a make it or break it for a story just as much as the author's writing style. Arya feels like a natural addition to the universe, and of all of the possible outcomes for the Chomper story, I think this is certainly one of the versions he deserves.
I am literally fangirling right now! My favourite LBT writer likes my fanfic!  :wow  I know that the length is not that great, but I blame that on my self-imposed short deadline. Whoops!

So now I know that trying to write a good story a week before the deadline makes for crappy writing. Lesson learned and never going to do that again. Like I said before, I'm going to rewrite this in the future.

Oh and I'm writing down ideas for a series featuring Arya and Chomper's developing relationship starting from their meeting to sometime after this story. If you have any ideas or scenarios you would like to see, please either message me or add to this thread. Should I end up using your ideas, I will credit you.

Thanks again!  :wave


Fyn16

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Quote from: LBTlover247,Aug 1 2017 on  11:30 PM
I am literally fangirling right now! My favourite LBT writer likes my fanfic!  :wow  I know that the length is not that great, but I blame that on my self-imposed short deadline. Whoops!
 
Hey, that's awesome! I can't help but chime in here that's nice to meet a follower of my writing! But on the subject of your story- one of the original points of the fanfiction prompt challenge was indeed to encourage discussion, and as far as I know, you're the first to actually start that! So I say, good on you for that! We encourage brainstorming and idea-swapping among writers, so I'm sure there are quite a few of us, including myself, who would be happy to help you turn this into a larger plan. I, for one, will continue to watch this space. Let us know if we can help out in any way!


Fyn16

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Just as a further heads-up in case you didn't see the voting page, you and Darkwolf tied for this month's winner, so if you're interested in creating a prompt for either Rhombus or myself to work on, you can do so, just let me know or check the prompt discussion page if you're interested.


LBTlover247

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Awesome! Thanks Fyn!
I posted my prompt in the prompt discussion page. I don't have a preference if either you or Rhombus decide to tackle it. I kind of made it open for everyone to try if they want to.

By the way, do you have any ideas/scenarios you want to see for my upcoming Arya & Chomper series?

Thank you again!


Fyn16

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Quote from: LBTlover247,Aug 4 2017 on  10:20 PM
Awesome! Thanks Fyn!
I posted my prompt in the prompt discussion page. I don't have a preference if either you or Rhombus decide to tackle it. I kind of made it open for everyone to try if they want to.

By the way, do you have any ideas/scenarios you want to see for my upcoming Arya & Chomper series?

Thank you again!
Personally (though I don't know if you want to backtrack or not) I'd like to see a retelling of Chomper's and Arya's first meeting, perhaps in a flashback or as a standalone piece. For future events, however, kids are as much of a source of adventure as anything! Imagine Chomper's shock if, ironically, it was his kids that were sneaking out to go adventuring as he once did. Then of course there's Arya who has many avenues to go down for further development. Adversity can be a great starting point. Maybe she has to hunt for the family if they fall I'll. Or you could try digging into her character through the teaching of her children in the ways of the world. You can do anything with her, and with Chomper, you already have a solid character foundation on which to build. Take them in whatever direction you wish!

If you need help starting something, I always start by envisioning the characters two ways: how they start and how they will end up. From there, I flesh out the story that takes them from point A to point B. You may have a different approach, of course, but this is how I try to get my development rolling. I also tend to listen to music and imagine my characters in corresponding situations, a tactic that is surprisingly effective. But you do what works best for you!


Littlefoot fan 1990

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Excellent start; I love reading stories that feature Chomper as a grown up with a mate and children of his own. I like seeing more of these types of stories instead of stories where Chomper turns bad as he grows up. I also liked the interactions between Talon and Raina when they were play fighting together. Nice touch near the end when Chomper makes the gang the  honorary aunts and uncles of Talon and Raina; that shows how close he was to them during his childhood; especially Littlefoot and Ruby.

I'll be keeping my eye on this story; it's definitely piqued my interest.


LBTlover247

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Hey everyone!

For those of you that enjoyed this story and were looking forward to what would happen next, I recently posted the first chapter of my Chomper/Arya series.
It's called Our Past and Our Future and spans from when Chomper and Arya met to sometime after this story. Hope you guys enjoy it!
Here are the links to it both on here and on FF.net: Gang of Five  Fanfiction.net
 :OhYou


Ducky123

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Must have missed this one last year, oops. Well, there's not much to add to the reviews already cast but let me just tell you that I enjoyed the story quite a bit and I'll keep my eyes out for any updates :)
Inactive, probably forever.