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Winter Souls

F-14 Ace

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Ok so here it is at long last.  This is my entry for the December fanfiction prompt.  Specifically this is a "snow fic" showing a younger Rigel during a happier, more innocent time in his life.

Also, here is some fitting music to go along with the story.  I listened to this while writing.  Open it in a new tab while you read or something.
Also, here is some fitting music to go along with the story.  I listened to this while writing.  Open it in a new tab while you read or something.
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Cool air filled the dark cave as the deinonychus awoke from a deep slumber.  With a tired yawn, the predator slowly opened his eyes and allowed them to adjust to the dim light inside his cave.  Slowly he got to his feet and stretched his achy muscles.  The raptor climbed out of the nest in which he had been sleeping and made his way to the cave entrance, his yellow eyes surveying the world outside.  The sky was a dark shade of pewter grey, just like the feathers that covered most of his body, with the exception of a stripe of red feathers that ran down his back, ending at the tip of his long tail.  Rigel smiled as he gazed out at the world before him.  A steady snow was falling, blanketing the world in dazzling white.  

At last… he thought silently to himself.

The first snowfall of the season was something that Rigel always looked forward to.  The cool brisk air and the crisp feeling of fresh snow under his feet offered a welcome change from the hard, dry soil and humid air he was used to.  The cold didn’t bother him.  He was well insulated beneath a layer of thick winter feathers, after all.   Rigel always cherished this time of the year.  He always looked forward to the pack gathering at night for warmth, telling stories by the moonlight, playing in the snow, and just having fun in general.
 
The young deinonychus cautiously made his way down the icy slope that led from his cave down to the valley below.  Upon reaching the bottom, the sickle claw paused, feeling the snow crunch beneath his feet.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the cold winter air fill his lungs.  

“Hey Rigel!” called a cheerful female voice nearby.  It was a voice he recognized well, belonging to his dear childhood friend.


Rigel turned his head and was greeted by the sight of a female of his kind, covered in feathers that were as white as the snow with a pair of blue stripes running down her back.  

“Rigel, you’ve gotta come see this!” exclaimed the female sickle claw as her brown eyes met his yellow eyes.

“Alright, but we’d better hurry.  We’ve got work to do.” Rigel said.

The female deinonychus darted off toward the woods nearby.

“Antares, wait up!” Rigel called after the female as she darted through the trees.

“Hurry up, slowpoke!” Antares playfully called back to him.

Rigel skillfully navigated the frozen ground, weaving between trees and leaping over fallen lags as he pursued Antares through the frozen forest.  Antares slowed down and allowed him to catch up.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she asked with a smile.

Rigel looked around and was stunned by the beauty that surrounded him.  Icicles hung from the frozen branches of the evergreen trees overhead, a breathtaking mix of stark white and comforting pine green.  The light danced and reflected off the ice in a dazzling display.  

“Indeed it is.” Rigel replied with a whisper.  

The two raptors walked slowly together through the forest, the snow crunching beneath their feet as they walked.  Their feathers protected them from the worst of the cold.  

Rigel continued to follow Antares deep into the woods.

“How much further is it?” he asked.

“Not far now..” Antares called back.  

They came to a stream that was still flowing.  Though the river carried chunks of ice with it, the water was moving too fast to freeze solid.

“Come on, this way!” Antares called excitedly, leaping up onto a fallen tree that spanned the stream.

“Be careful!” Rigel called after her.

One false move would sent either of them into the icy, rushing waters below where death was certain.  Antares, however, brushed off Rigel’s concerns.  She crossed a frozen river and leaped onto the bank on the opposite side.  She turned and stared at Rigel, waiting for him to cross behind her.

Well, here goes… Rigel thought to himself, leaping up onto the log.  Cautiously he made his way across, occasionally glancing at the rushing water.  Finally he two reached the other side and joined Antares.

“C’mon, this way!” Antares exclaimed, darting off through the woods again.

Rigel shook his head as he followed.  There was still work to be done and here they were wasting valuable time.  However, Rigel’s affection for Antares won out.  The two raptors followed the stream up a gentle hill until they came to the top.  

“There…” Antares smiled, pointing just head of her.

Rigel’s eyes widened in astonishment and awe at the sight before him.  As he stood beside Antares, he gazed up at a frozen waterfall that cascaded into a small lake which fed the river.  Rigel took a step forward and gazed down at the ice.  The ice was as smooth as glass and so clear that he could see straight to the bottom of the lake.  The deinonychus could see his reflection staring back at him, only for it to be joined moments later by Antares.

“Come on!” urged the female raptor, grabbing Rigel by the hand as she pulled him out onto the ice.

“Ant… wait!” he called out, sliding across the ice as Antares laughed.

Fortunately, the ice held their weight.  Antares skillfully navigated her way across the ice to the base of the frozen waterfall.  Rigel cautiously followed.  

“Ant, this is pretty and all, but we really need to head back.  They’re gonna have our hides if they catch us goofing off.”

“Ah, you worry too much.” Antares replied with a grin.  “Anyway, I wanted to ask you something.  

Rigel lifted an eye ridge.  

   “Rigel…”

The female deinonychus paused, looking Rigel in they eye.  She seemed to know what she wanted to say, but couldn’t seem to find the words.  For once in her life, Antares, the bold, adventurous huntress who always seemed to plunge headlong into everything, seemed unsure of herself.

For a moment Antares glanced away while Rigel waited patiently.  Finally she made eye contact with Rigel again, her brown eyes filled with a newfound confidence.

“Rigel, will you be my mate?”

The question took Rigel completely by surprise.  It was a question he wasn’t ready for.  Though Antares was a dear childhood friend, and though he felt great affection for her, Rigel had never expected her to propose to him.  However, the young raptor felt a warmth growing in his chest that brought a smile to his face as he gazed into her brown eyes.  

“Antares, I…”

Rigel struggled to find words.  His immediate reaction was to say ëyes’ but he couldn’t find the words.  

Come on!  Now is not the time to get butterflies in your stomach! He told himself.

“Yes…” he finally uttered, softly.

A smile appeared on Rigel’s face and he nuzzled Antares gently.  

“I love you.” Antares whispered, burying her face in the feathers on Rigel’s chest as he held her close.

A gentle snow fell around the two sickle claws as they embraced one another.  

“I love you too, Antares.” Rigel whispered.  “I’ll always be here for you.”

Antares hummed softly.  

“We really should be getting back though.” Rigel whispered.

“Alright, let’s go.” Antares replied, leading the way back home.

Rigel knew that his life would change forever.  He still wasn’t sure he was ready to commit to raising a family, but Antares would no doubt give him all the inspiration he needed.

That night, the two raptors curled up in Rigel’s nest, huddled together for warmth.  Snow continued to fall outside and the temperature had dropped, but neither of them noticed the cold.  

“Rest well, my love.” Antarus whispered, leaning her head against Rigel’s shoulder.  Rigel smiled and held her close.  

“Good night, Antarus.” He replied.

The two raptors drifted peacefully off to sleep, dreaming of their future together.
 
« Last Edit: January 14, 2018, 02:48:49 AM by F-14 Ace »


Sovereign

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It's great to see you taking part in the prompt challenge and to be sure, this was a pleasant and sweet ficlet. :)  I liked the descriptions about the environment and the characters and the atmosphere was actually quite well-established for such a short story. It didn't hold many plot twists but the characters felt believable enough even if the context didn't fully open to me as I haven't read your earlier fic. To be honest, the proposition near the end of the story was a really quick one and actually, I'm not sure if it fit into the fic too naturally.

The story opened in a good way as I liked Rigel's thoughts about winter (by the way, "winter" isn't part of a LBT writer's vocabulary :p  :lol ) and the dialogue between him and Antares was really good. Her excitement and Rigel's initial puzzlement and later wonder were very good additions to the pace of the fic. However, while I said that I liked the descriptions, there could have been more of them and there were a few instances where I felt they could have been done in a better way. Especially "rushing waters below where death was certain." could have been replaced by a more elaborate wording. Also, like I said, the ending took me by surprise as their relationship wasn't explained in great detail earlier. The whole context felt slightly vague but it's highly likely that your earlier fic could have helped me with it.

Despite those criticisms, I rather enjoyed this short offering. It could have been a bit longer as some descriptions were rather brief but it still offered a complete picture of the events and contained a sweet ending. All in all, the writing style worked and the atmosphere was a good one but the fic could have been deepened by adding more backstory and the characters' personal thoughts. Even then, thanks for this nice story! :yes
« Last Edit: January 14, 2018, 10:59:56 AM by Sovereign »




rhombus

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This was an excellent ficlet that allowed us to see a sweet moment in the life of Rigel and Antares during the days of the frigid Cold Time.  I quite liked how you elaborated on Rigel's feelings and thoughts in the beginning of the story.  In particular his enjoyment of the Cold Time and the chance for bonding with his fellow packmates.  One gets the impression that though the amount of food might become scarcer in the Cold Time, that the pack is well led and capable of ensuring survival even during the darkest depths of the winter season.  Likewise the switch to a more dialogue-heavy format is in keeping with the flow of the later portion of the story and allows it to logically conclude with the general feeling of warmth and love permeating the tale.

The only real suggestions I can make here are a few stylistic ones which may be useful to consider in future stories.  First, as Sovereign mentioned, sometimes the LBT universe partakes of the trope Call a Smeerp a "Rabbit"
Call a Smeerp a "Rabbit" wherein a new term is used to describe something in the human world.  In this case the term "Cold Time" would be used instead of winter.  This is a minor point really, and did not detract from the story.  The only other thing I would mention is that more description could be used in the later parts of the story if this turned out to be a longer story.  But considering its length and the general flow of the narrative, the switch to using less description made perfect sense in this case.

Overall this was a great read, and I love your suggested musical accompaniment. It truly fit the narrative well and resulted in a tale that warms the heart.  Great job, and I look forward to seeing any future stories that you may decide to write.  :)

Addendum: Ooops.  The trope I meant to reference was "Call a Rabbit a "Smeerp"".
« Last Edit: January 16, 2018, 09:05:39 PM by rhombus »


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.