Shorty's Dark Past

[Ducky123]

Hey, thank you very much for the review. Means a lot to me that people are reading my stuff and it's always cool to discover that I have earned a new follower

And now that I'm done with it, there are two things I have to say/ask:
Shorty..you better not get more serious than that. xD
Just kidding, he can do what he wants. It's just that I normally don't ship anything, but when I do, it's...guess yourself. LBT 4 was the only sequel I had as a kid, and I was old enough back then to already think about stuff like that.^^

Haha, don't worry. "Shorty's Past" isn't a love story though a little bit of it can't do any harm, can it? LBT 4 is a cool sequel and Ali probably my second or third favourite character so yeah I don't mind couples as long as they are reasonable... I mean.. DuckyxPetrie I can understand but LittlefootxCera...  <_<

The other thing:
Next chapter? When?! biggrin.gif

I try to upload every Monday... Last week I wasn't in the mood to do so for some reason... Well, writer's block is greeting The other fic of mine, I usually upload every Saturday or Sunday

You have an interesting story concept going on here. You go a little harsh on some of the characters, but you're not overdoing that, and I always had a thing for stories that aren't all happy 'n stuff.^^
The characters are well-written and the characters you changed a little bit still behave realistic, given the situations they're in.

Thanks! Just out of curiosity: What exactly do you consider a little harsh? Maybe I can avoid overdoing it in the next few chapters since they are... different. It'll certainly not just be happy but also sort of dark...

[RockingScorpion]

"Shorty's Past" isn't a love story though a little bit of it can't do any harm, can it?

I agree 100%. And about the "reasonable"-thing...I'm kind of happy that the LBT fandom isn't as big as the MLP:FIM fandom. Otherwise I think there would be...eh, I won't write down what kind of shippings I had in my mind right now. Let's just say they were faaar away from "reasonable". xD

A little harsh..hm...
Ali almost dying because of dehydration and lack of food is pretty dark already, but still okay, because she made it. Anything above that I would consider as going overboard, when it's happening to a main character. If, I don't know, Flyer X or Threehorn Z die somehow and it's not described with much detail, that'd be still okay, for me at least.

But anyway, that's my opinion, and this is your story, you can do whatever you want with it. After reading the chapters that are already out I'm pretty sure you know what you're doing.

Edit: Ruby evolves into Chomper, I guess.

[Ducky123]

Ah, okay. Well, in that case, you might not like my other story because there are a few characters dieing (though nobody from the Gang, don't worry ).

[Zimba]

Haha at Shorty flattering Ali,I'm glad Ali survived,I was like NO now I'm like YAY.


Yeah,as you see I've finally caught up on this.

This has got to be the first fic that focuses on Shorty *claps for you and your awesome idea*

Nice to know Shorty's background,or your take on it anyway since the movies really didn't reveal anything like it.

I'm looking forward to Shorty's and Ali's friendship to grow,yay friendship.


Thats all I got to say for now,I'll leave a more detailed review later on.

[Ducky123]

Thank you, Zimmy. Glad you like my fic

I don't even know why I started a fic about a character I don't like as much as many other characters... Well, at least it's fun writing it (now that I'm finally getting rid of writer's block )

[Ducky123]

Chapter 14:

The next few days, Ali and Shorty mainly spent together. They became close friends and as soon as Ali was capable of moving at her own strength, they played games in every break they had.
The walk across the mountains was less dangerous than Bron had expected though the Longnecks were pretty sourced up from their long migration.
Eventually, they left the mountains. They were now wandering through rather dry grassland but there were watering holes here and there.
During one of the many breaks, Shorty and Ali came to talk about their destination. Shorty and Ali knew each other fairly well already.
"Hey Ali!" Shorty called upon seeing his friend getting herself a drink.
"Hey, how's it going, Shorty?" the pink Longneck replied.
"Had this sleep-story again last night..."
"Yeah, I had this sleep-story as well. It scares me every night..."
"Yeah, nothing to be ashamed of. They ARE kinda scary."
"Our leader didn't allow us to follow our instinct..."
"Really?"
"Yep, she said it would be too dangerous."
"Ugh! Don't tell Bron! He's an adventurer by heart."
"Really?"
"Quite, he'd rather die in a fight or during an adventure than of old age."
"Hehe, I believe you."
"He once battled four Sharpteeth all alone and won without getting injured much."
"Four fully grown Sharpteeth?!?"
"Well, they were some strange kind of Sharpteeth, not the size of the real badasses, but they were bloody fast."
"Still proof of true skill and bravery.." Ali awed.
"Bron is skilled in fighting, and brave too. He'd take on any Sharptooth or even a whole pack of 'em..."
"Impressive!"
"Would your Old One have done that?"
"I don't know... See, I've never seen her in combat before since the sheer size of the herd was always enough to make them back off. Still, the Old One feared Sharpteeth more than everything else."
"How cowardly!" Shorty snorted.
"Well, she isn't too wrong at that point if you ask me."
"How come?"
"Well, why fight them if you don't have to?"
"Why not? The only thing they do is cause grief among the leafeating kinds..."
"I guess, being the girl I am, I'll never understand your motivation." Ali chuckled.
"Possibly..." Shorty poked his tongue out.
"Do you feel that, Shorty?"
"Huh?!"
"We're getting closer to where it'll happen, Shorty."
"Yeah, I can feel it too. Heck, I SEE it!"
"Where, Shorty?"
"Over there!" He pointed to what seemed to be a lone mountain in the plain area.
"Ah, that ought to be the place."
"What oughtta be the place?" Bron, who just walked by, called.
"Shorty spotted the place where it will happen," Ali explained.
"That's right! I found it," Shorty exclaimed proudly. Together, the two young ones pointed at the mountain in the distance.
"Nice catch!" Bron awed. "I was feeling we'd be rather close by now..."
"What will we get to see there, Bron?" Ali questioned.
"Well, I can't tell you, little one," Bron replied. "But the fact that it'll be a surprise is what makes it special."
"Well, then tell me what you expect to happen, please?" Ali questioned again.
"I'm sorry, kids, I haven't spent this thought any attention yet," Bron replied. "What do you two expect?"
"Well... it oughtta be something big!" Shorty exclaimed.
"Or something wonderful..." Ali said dreamily.
"Hey, maybe we're all gonna die like in the sleep-story.." Shorty whispered evilly.
"Or those not daring the journey to that place," Bron said at a guess.
"All possible..." Ali muttered.
"Well, whatever it is, we might see long-lost relatives..." Shorty said.
"Y'all are thinking about Littlefoot, eh?" Bron asked.
"Yeah..." Ali sighed. Feelings she hadn't had in a fair while were established in her mind and not leaving her in peace. She would be deeply depressed if Littlefoot wasn't there.
"Yeah, but it's not only him I'm thinking about," Shorty replied thoughtfully.
"I get'cha," Bron said. "Have you told Ali about it already?"
"Why yes, what's the matter?" Shorty retorted.
"Well, I didn't want to say things in front of her that you might not like her to know," Bron explained.
"Ah alright," Shorty said, easing. "So yeah... y'know I've never met my mother before..." he explained. "Well, I wonder if I'll meet my mother... or even that jerk I ran off from."
"Do you know how your mother might have looked like, Shorty?" Ali questioned, interested.
"Kinda... I know that she was really tall... and that jerk said she was pretty which I can't judge anyway."
"Hehe, good luck anyway," Ali said, smiling.
"Thanks!" Shorty responded, bowing down in front of his friend.
"Anyway, let's get going again," Bron called loudly.
"Aww, we haven't played any games yet, Bron!" Shorty protested.
"Don't discuss this again, Shorty!" Bron ordered.
"Aaaaaaaaaalright, come on, my little flower," he replied.
"Hehehe, coming!" Ali chuckled.
Bron's herd moved towards the place where it would happen though they wouldn't arrive there before the next day.

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The destination comes in sight I guess you can imagine what kind of place it'll be

In the next chapter, a new character will pop up (albeit a familiar one ) and Shorty and Ali will have some fun... well, one of them

[rhombus]

The journey is nearing its end.  Or at least the initial journey is.  

We get to see some more banter between Short and Ali here.  He is really playing up the courage and adventurousness of Bron, which makes sense considering Shorty's personality.  Ali's retort also seems very believable and quite in character for her.  

I look forward to seeing what happens when they finally reach their destination.  I wonder who the 'familiar face' will be?

[Ducky123]

Thanks for reviewing Here comes the next one (almost forgot to update today )

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Chapter 15:

Bron's herd had made good progress for the rest of the day so Bron had decided to walk into the night to reach the mountain that didn't seem to be a mountain which they realised more and more the closer they got. When they arrived during the night, tired and sourced up, they admired the deep valley that was surrounded by steep walls which were perfectly circular. The whole valley was filled with large amounts of food and water.
Tired, they walked down the walls and settled down to get at least a bit of sleep before the Bright Circle would arise, 'throwing' the Big Night Circle from the sky until the evening when the situation would switch over.

Littlefoot awoke on the back of his grandma. They were wandering through a forest with a huge amount of other Longnecks of all shapes and sizes. Littlefoot was in awe when he discovered how many they were.
Suddenly, the crowd stopped in their tracks. Murmurs were uttered.
"Grandpa, Grandma? What's going on?" Littlefoot questioned.
"Littlefoot, would you please climb up the trees to look what is ahead of us?" Grandpa questioned.
"May I be of help?" Sue, a very tall Longneck accompanying the three Great Valleians, offered.
"Oh yeah!" Littlefoot exclaimed in joy.
Sue lifted him towards the high branches. The little Longneck climbed up to the top playfully until he stuck his head out of an opening in the treetops. Being blinded by the dazzling light of the Bright Circle at first, he soon spotted a formation in the distance, a sort of valley to be accurate. For some strange reason, this place was utterly familiar to Littlefoot even though he hadn't ever been there... not even in his sleepstories.
"Grandma, Grandpa... I believe we are almost there..." Littlefoot called, amazed.
After having climbed back down, the crowd continued their migration to the valley...

The next morning, Shorty darted off to the nearest tree to get "his flame" breakfast. In the progress of darting off, however, Ali woke up which Shorty didn't notice.
Ali wondered where Shorty was heading to, neither calling or following him at first. Instead, she watched him.
Shorty eventually skidded to a halt in front of a big tree full of juicy treesweets. He attempted to climb up the tree but he soon had to admit that he couldn't reach the fruits that way.
Ali, observing her friend from her sleeping spot chuckled, seeing Shorty failing.
"I do wonder what he's up to..." she mumbled, remaining in her position so she would appear to be sleeping from the distance.
"How could you get them, Shorty?!" Shorty cursed. Just then, he had an idea. He jogged a few steps back. Then he charged at the tree at full speed and bumped against the trunk with his head. The impact sent a shock through the tree and its leaves and fruits but the only object that left the tree was a startled insect.
"Dammit!" Shorty screamed in anger, now having a headache.
Ali couldn't help it but laugh out loud which Shorty heard.
"Well done, Shorty! Epic failure..." the green Longneck thought bitterly, hearing Ali laugh.
Seeing Shorty's disappointed expression, Ali walked to Shorty carefully since her skin wasn't really healing well and sore when streched too much.
"You alright, Shorty?" Ali called.
"Headache..." Shorty muttered.
"What was that all about?" Ali questioned caringly.
"Well..." Shorty was suddenly particularly interested in watching a ground crawler crawling across the grass. "I wanted to get ya some treesweets for breakfast," he explained and locked eyes with Ali.
"Oh, sweet of you," Ali snickered. "Why didn't you ask Bron? He would've pushed down the whole tree."
"Well... I was trying to do it on my own. I'm not a baby anymore after all..." Shorty said pompously.
"Yeah, the grown-ups keep thinking we're still hatchlings..." Ali sighed.
"But we can look after ourselves!" Shorty shouted and snorted.
"Well, sometimes we still need them, now for example," Ali mentioned. "Though you're totally right."
"We don't need them now... I'll figure out a way," Shorty declared.
"As long as you don't try bumping against the tree again..." Ali mused.
"Haha, very funny," Shorty snorted and acted as if having been insulted.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." Ali stuttered as she saw Shorty's face but then the green Longneck poked out his tongue.
Both tried to come up with something.

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Aww, poor Shorty And see who has made his first appearance... Well, a fanfiction based on LBT 10 without Littlefoot would be odd to say the least I originally had in mind to describe the journey of Littlefoot and his friends as well but I quickly figured that it would be pretty boring (plus it took me ages to write those scenes since I had to watch the respective scenes of the movie )

In the next chapter, we see Ali and Shorty coming up with a plan and Littlefoot exploring the oasis. I guess everybody can already tell what's going to happen next

[Nahla]

Yay my favorite canon character is now here!

#TeamLittlefoot


I look forward to see how you potray the meeting of Shorty and Littlefoot. And Shorty's reaction to finding how just who Littlefoot is to dear old Bron  .


Yeah,Shorty impress the girl,giving yourself headaches does tend to impress us girls after all (if we are really desperate)  . Kidding of course  .

Great job!

[rhombus]

Sorry for the delay in reviewing this chapter.  

It seems that the pieces are nearly in place.   We have Littlefoot in sight of the destination and Shorty and Ali already at the destination.  In addition to the obviously important meeting of Bron and Littlefoot, the interactions between Littlefoot and Shorty should be interesting to see.  They already had a rocky start in the tenth film, but in this retelling of the meeting we also have a shared love interest...  I see some arguments in the future.

I also love Shorty's hardheadedness in this chapter.   You're not Cera, Shorty!  It is best to leave the head-ramming to the threehorns.  

I look forward to the next chapter.

[Ducky123]

Thanks for the reviews

You both seem to be really looking forward to the meeting of Littlefoot and Shorty Well, the focus won't be on the relationship between those two in the near future but I have my plans If I find some time to write the scenes, that is The focus will be on Shorty himself though as you will find out in a couple chapters
 

It seems that the pieces are nearly in place. in-yes.gif We have Littlefoot in sight of the destination and Shorty and Ali already at the destination. In addition to the obviously important meeting of Bron and Littlefoot, the interactions between Littlefoot and Shorty should be interesting to see. They already had a rocky start in the tenth film, but in this retelling of the meeting we also have a shared love interest... I see some arguments in the future.

Couldn't have said that any better Though it's rather Shorty having a crush on Ali and Ali having a crush on Littlefoot  :blink:

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Chapter 16:

At noon, Littlefoot and the Grandparents arrived at the oasis. They climbed up the steep walls. Littlefoot sprinted the distance in excitement whereas his Grandma and Grandpa walked slowly due to their advanced age.
When Littlefoot had arrived at the top, panting, he stared at the sight. The place was as lush and green as the Great Valley, his home. He had left behind his friends because of a sleepstory he and his grandparents kept having every night.
He waited for his grandparents to catch up. Even though he had to leave Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike behind, he knew that he might meet new and old friends during his stay. Littlefoot had thought about Ali every now and then during their long journey. He hoped to meet her, having missed her lots.
His grandparents had finally arrived at the top as well, being astonished by the sight. They walked into the oasis, settling down on a meadow and falling asleep in an instant - they hadn't slept the previous night whereas Littlefoot had, quite well actually. Littlefoot couldn't even ask whether he was allowed to go exploring the place hence he simply assumed he would be allowed to.

"Any ideas yet?" Shorty hummed and hawwed.
"I don't think you can do it alone..." Ali said hesitatingly. "So I thought that maybe... maybe we can do it together?"
"Yeah... might work," Shorty replied.
"One of us could give the other one of us a lift so he might reach the thick branches," Ali elaborated.
"Yeah, I get'cha," Shorty said in a smile. "Shall I lift you, or the other way around?"
"Of course we could ask Bron, but again you don't want that and I'm fine with it, right?" Ali spoke. "And yeah, considering my sunburned skin and weakness, you should lift me."
"Sure thing, let's do it!" Shorty called, placing himself underneath the tree.

Happily and jauntily, Littlefoot wandered around. Whereever he went, he saw lots of his own kind and no single dinosaur of a different kind. At the next watering place, the little Longneck stopped to get a drink. However, the bank was too steep for him so he fell into the water. Littlefoot didn't mind. His last bath was a fair while ago so he enjoyed splashing around in the water. After having drunk some water, he continued his adventure in the oasis. Whereever he passed by, he was on the lookout for a certain familiar face - Ali's.

Ali climbed up Shorty's back. The green Longneck pushed his friend up with his forelegs while standing on his tiptoes of his hindlegs. Ali, having climbed up as far as she could while still being supported by Shorty, clinged to the trunk. There was still a fair distance to cover.
"That's not going to work, Shorty," Ali called from above.
"It's gonna work, Ali! You gotta move up further," Shorty instructed.
"But, but what if I slip?" Ali objected.
"Then I'm gonna catch ya so you won't get hurt, my little flower," Shorty snickered.
"O-okay," Ali answered. "I'll try."
The pink Longneck climbed up bit by bit. It was very difficult since the bark was rather slippy and Ali was running out of strength quickly. She spotted two knotholes that were made for her to hold on, seemingly.
"Shorty?" she called. "I might need a little lift... up there are two knot holes I can hold on..."
"You out of strength already, eh?" Shorty assumed.
"Yes, hurry or I'll..." Suddenly, Ali slided down back to where she had started, supported by Shorty again.
"...Slip," Ali sighed.
"I could try climb up a bit myself but I doubt I can support you and cling to the tree at the same time..." Shorty said. "We might need some help now..."

Littlefoot had already wandered through most of the oasis as he spotted two Longnecks of his age. They tried to climb up a Treesweet Tree Littlefoot concluded as he was watching them. Just now the little Longneck noticed his hunger screaming after tasty treesweets so he decided to join the two playmates, one being green and one being pink with a badly sunburned skin...

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Ahh, I love those cliffhangers Well, now REALLY all pieces are in place, as rhombus put it, yep, yep, yep.

I have now arrived at a stage in this story where it was incredibly funny writing the scenes. I hope that enthusiasm will be apparent to you

The next chapter is one of my personal favourites Let's just say this: You'll know the scene! Oh, and continuation of the Treesweet scene, obviously...

[RockingScorpion]

I don't see anything where I could give you some tips etc. It still is a solid written story and you're pretty good at making the characters appear realistic and in-character.

There is one thing I do have to say though...

Just now the little Longneck noticed his hunger screaming after tasty treesweets so he decided to join the two playmates, one being green and one being pink with a badly sunburned skin...

....
ASFHGNFLLL!
Meanie.
How dare you to stop there?!
xD

But since I once was writing something, too, I know how much fun it can be to use cliffhangers.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

[rhombus]

Ah, cliffhangers.  Now we shall see how the long-awaited character introductions take place.   I really have nothing to add except to say that I look forward to the next chapter.  

[Ducky123]

Thanks

Yeah, imagining how your readers will curse you for stopping chapters at ungodly exciting scenes, is really funny I always try to imagine being the reader, not the author, and I'm trying to write it in a way I myself will find interesting at least

[Ducky123]

Chapter 17:

"Hey, you need help?" Littlefoot called, adressing the green and the pink Longneck as he was approaching them. While running, Littlefoot gazed after a sign of his friend Ali but he only saw a green boy and a girl looking beaten up.
"Yeah, we want to reach the Treesweets but we aren't big enough when we step on each other," the girl responded shily, offering a mild smile.
"My friend's right, so you're gonna help us?" the boy questioned a little rude.
"Sure, I'm hungry after all," Littlefoot replied, being a bit unsure as for what to make of the two. The girl seemed alright and her voice was soft and friendly but she looked nasty and the boy didn't seem very kind in his view.
"So are we, c'mon!" the boy shouted.
"Will I be on the top again?" the girl asked.
"Yeah, I'm gonna support him," he said, pointing at Littlefoot. "And he's gonna support you."
"Sounds good, let's start," Littlefoot replied.
As the boy took his position underneath the tree, the girl adressed Littlefoot.
"Try to climb a bit higher; there are two knotholes you can hold on to."
"Okay, will do!" Littlefoot answered. For some reason, the girl's voice sounded familiar in his ears but he wasn't capable of associating it with a familiar face. Likewise, Ali didn't recognise Littlefoot.
Littlefoot walked across the boy's back and held on to the trunk, being lifted. In a similar way to Ali's previous attempt, he climbed up to the knotholes and put his paws into them.
"Alright, I'm ready," he let his fellow Longnecks know.
"Good, now you, my little flower," the boy said to the girl who did the same like Littlefoot. Instead of being lifted by the boy, she climbed up Littlefoot's tail and back.
"Can you make it up there from here?" Littlefoot questioned as the girl was standing on his neck.
"I think so... I need to climb up just a little bit..." she replied, doing so. She made good progress but then her strength left her.
"Can you push me a little higher?" she exclaimed. "Quickly, if possible..."
Littlefoot tried to cling to the wood with his hindlegs as well as he could and gave the girl a mighty push with his forelegs. The girl managed to grab the thick tree branch and pulled herself up using the last of her strength. Littlefoot, on the other hand, lost his grip and crashed to the ground. The boy refused to catch him.
Not harmed at all, Littlefoot got to his feet and watched the girl climbing up branch by branch along with the boy.
As the girl was about to drop a few Treesweets, the branch supporting her weigth cracked. Uttering a loud scream, the girl fell down the tree.
Littlefoot felt the ground rumble as a grown-up Longneck sprinted towards them, catching the girl just in time. He placed her on the ground carefully and looked at the young ones angrily.
"Are you crazy?! She could've been dead or crippled by now, are you aware of this?" he shouted at the girl in particular..
"It's not her fault, Bron," the green boy chimed in. "It was my idea and she sorta helped me."
"And who's he?" the tall Longneck by the name Bron thundered.
"He... sorta came along," the girl replied shily. "What's your name?"
"I'm Littlefoot," Littlefoot introduced himself.
"LITTLEFOOT?!?" Bron and the two little ones exclaimed in surprise.
"Huh?" Littlefoot was surprised as well.
"Funny... I was called Littlefoot as a youngling too," Bron muttered. "Anyway, that'll have consequences Shorty and I'm afraid I need to have a word with your mother, Ali."
"Ali???" Littlefoot called in awe. "That is... you?"
"Littlefoot?" Ali responded.
"So you are..." the boy by the name Shorty was about to say as a loud voice called.
"Littlefoooooot!"
"I'm here, Grandpa!" Littlefoot called back.
An elderly Longneck broke out of the vegetation.
"Ah, here you are, I was already wondering..." Grandpa interrupted his sentence as he locked eyes with the grown-up. "Bron?!"
"Papa Longneck..." Bron replied dumpfounded.
The three little ones were stunned.
"Littlefoot..." Grandpa sighed. "This is your father..."
Littlefoot was shocked. His father, he said... He had a father?
"Littlefoot, I..." Bron stuttered but Littlefoot had already turned tail and stormed away.
"Was it something I said?" Bron asked, shrugging.
Grandpa gave him an apologetic look.
"Could you get us some Treesweets?" Shorty complained.
"If I were you, I'd be quiet now!" Bron barked. He walked to another tree and rubbed some leaves off it.
Ali and Shorty had their breakfast in total silence while Bron had a talk with Grandpa Longneck and his mate joining them.

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DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!! Do you think my take on the meeting scene of Littlefoot and Bron is good?

Many things will  happen in the next chapter and I think most of them are a logical result of chapter 17 Worth mentioning is what Shorty and Bron are doing because it will lead to a... dramatic situation  

EDIT: Added the following to the chapter:

Likewise, Ali didn't recognise Littlefoot.

The rest of the explanation is in chapter 18

[rhombus]

This was certainly an interesting and long-awaited scene.    In this scene we can see the cascade of conflicts on full display: Shorty's protectiveness and jealousy concerning Ali versus Littlefoot's outgoing nature; Littlefoot's acceptance of others versus Shorty's insularness; and, of course, the conflicts that will now result as Littlefoot is aware of Ali's identity and Bron's significance.  

I can already see fireworks on the horizon, as Shorty's lack of care for Littlefoot (not catching him as he fell to the ground) and rudeness are more than likely a hint of things to come.  This probably will not improve as Littlefoot begins to take up some of Bron's attention.  It will be interesting to see how Ali deals with this entire situation.  

Overall, I rather enjoyed this addition, but I did have one question, however.  I understand how Littlefoot may not quite recognize Ali on account of her injuries and general appearance, but wouldn't Ali still recognize Littlefoot?  That seemed a little odd to me.

In terms of corrections, I only noticed two minor things:

"So are we, common!" the boy shouted.

Should read "So are we, come on!"

"Try to climb a bit higher because there are two knotholes you can hold on to."

Is technically correct, but would sound more natural if it were phrased "Try to climb a bit higher; there are two knotholes you can hold on to."

I look forward to seeing how Bron, Shorty, and the others deals with the revelations of the day.  I sense drama is in the near future.   Keep up the good work.  

[Ducky123]

Thanks for reviewing

This was certainly an interesting and long-awaited scene. in-yes.gif In this scene we can see the cascade of conflicts on full display: Shorty's protectiveness and jealousy concerning Ali versus Littlefoot's outgoing nature; Littlefoot's acceptance of others versus Shorty's insularness; and, of course, the conflicts that will now result as Littlefoot is aware of Ali's identity and Bron's significance.

Yeah, Shorty is going to be jealous. Though, there will be another aspect that influences Shorty prior to that (it's sort of covering his jealousy so it must be something really significant ) Though maybe I should add some jealousy to the chapter I will upload next monday...

I can already see fireworks on the horizon, as Shorty's lack of care for Littlefoot (not catching him as he fell to the ground) and rudeness are more than likely a hint of things to come. This probably will not improve as Littlefoot begins to take up some of Bron's attention. It will be interesting to see how Ali deals with this entire situation. in-yes.gif

Well, again this is a true observation. Especially Shorty's "rudeness", the term "rudeness" being quite an underestimation as you will see soon, (spoiiiiler ) will be an important aspect soon.

Overall, I rather enjoyed this addition, but I did have one question, however. I understand how Littlefoot may not quite recognize Ali on account of her injuries and general appearance, but wouldn't Ali still recognize Littlefoot? That seemed a little odd to me.

Ah, I was wondering whether or not people would catch this... Well, let's just say they have changed (grown bigger etc.) and Ali wasn't specially looking for Littlefoot at that moment. Though that might be too weak an argument, I admit. I was thinking that the scene where Bron meets Littlefoot should be sort of chaotic so Ali and Littlefoot recognising each other should make this chaos perfect, at least so I thought If you are in favor of changing this aspect, I will do so as you have a very advanced sense for what works in a story and what does not as opposed to me... Well, there are a few things in my fics that I'm not sure about whether people are going to say "Wow, awesome dude!" or "That's not going to work that way!" So yeah, I'd appreciate your opinion on this (and also the opinions of all the other readers that don't review )

"So are we, common!" the boy shouted.


Should read "So are we, come on!"

Well, isn't "common" a more informal way of saying/writing this word? Just curious
Thanks for pointing out  

[rhombus]

Ah, I was wondering whether or not people would catch this... Well, let's just say they have changed (grown bigger etc.) and Ali wasn't specially looking for Littlefoot at that moment. Though that might be too weak an argument, I admit. I was thinking that the scene where Bron meets Littlefoot should be sort of chaotic so Ali and Littlefoot recognising each other should make this chaos perfect, at least so I thought  If you are in favor of changing this aspect, I will do so as you have a very advanced sense for what works in a story and what does not as opposed to me... Well, there are a few things in my fics that I'm not sure about whether people are going to say "Wow, awesome dude!" or "That's not going to work that way!" So yeah, I'd appreciate your opinion on this (and also the opinions of all the other readers that don't review <_<

I think that it could work well, as the chaos does improve the scene in my opinion, it just may need a little bit of in-story explanation.  Perhaps just a little sentence explaining how Ali thinks the male longneck looks familiar, but she can't quite figure out why.  If she had any lingering damage to her eyesight or sense of hearing on account of her near-death experience, this might be a good time to make note of it, as that would explain the lack of recognition quite well.   Overall, however, it doesn't really detract from the scene, it was just quite noticeable to me.

Well, isn't "common" a more informal way of saying/writing this word? Just curious 

The shorthand way of saying it would be "c'mon".  Or at least that is the most common informal version of it in contemporary writing.   I have seen writers use both "c'mon" and "come on" in their writing, although now that I think about it, "c'mon" might work better here.  This is because my original suggestion of "come on" can also mean a sexual advance in some contexts and that is definitely not what you are trying to convey here.

[Ducky123]

I think that it could work well, as the chaos does improve the scene in my opinion, it just may need a little bit of in-story explanation. Perhaps just a little sentence explaining how Ali thinks the male longneck looks familiar, but she can't quite figure out why. If she had any lingering damage to her eyesight or sense of hearing on account of her near-death experience, this might be a good time to make note of it, as that would explain the lack of recognition quite well. in-yes.gif Overall, however, it doesn't really detract from the scene, it was just quite noticeable to me.

Yeah, that's a good suggestion. I will add that to the chapter EDIT: I'll add the explanation to one of the next few chapters. I'll have to see where it fits in since the plot is kind of fast-paced, not allowing much space for interruptions. The explanation as for why they don't recognise each other at first doesn't fit into such an action filled scene as the climbing of the treesweet tree

The shorthand way of saying it would be "c'mon". Or at least that is the most common informal version of it in contemporary writing. in-yes.gif I have seen writers use both "c'mon" and "come on" in their writing, although now that I think about it, "c'mon" might work better here. This is because my original suggestion of "come on" can also mean a sexual advance in some contexts and that is definitely not what you are trying to convey here.

I have no offensive thoughts, nope, nope, nope I'll go with "c'mon then and remember that in the future

Thanks for the reply yet again!

[Ducky123]

One day late, here's my next installment. Enjoy!

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Chapter 18:

Littlefoot was seated on the great wall that bordered the lush valley against the inhospitable outside world called Mysterious Beyond Tears streamed down his cheek. Littlefoot felt anger like he had hardly ever felt in his life. Why wasn't he told he had a dad? Why wasn't his dad with them when he was born? Where had he been all this time??? Littlefoot was at a loss as for what to do. Should he block off every attempt of his dad to talk to him? Should he blame his grandparents for not telling him about his dad? Littlefoot, in his fury, even considered going back to the Great Valley where his friends were. What was the right choice; what was the wrong? Littlefoot didn't know hence he, for the time being, stayed where he was, mad, disappointed and depressed. Eventually, he weeped a little for he felt mucked about...
   
"Bron, where have you been all the time?" Grandpa questioned after Grandma had recovered from the shock of seeing Bron. He sounded accusing although that wasn't his intention.
"I can't tell you how happy I am to see you alive and kicking!" Bron exclaimed in awe. "I believed that you died after I saw that crack in the landscape."
"So why did it take you so long to return? We thought you would be back not too long after Littlefoot's hatchday?" Grandpa asked, having so many questions that he was afraid he couldn't ask them all.
"Well, I tried to find that Valley of yours. I followed the route my mate had described to me..." Bron almost shouted. "I didn't find it and I didn't want to return without any news so I simply tried another route. After a long while, I found a green land that I until this very day call my home. When I returned, nothing was recognisable. I searched for you everywhere but you were gone. Eventually, I was told the story about my mate and the Sharptooth."
"You know about it?" Grandma wondered in surprise.
"Yes, but nobody knew what had happened to you so I continued my fruitless search. Eventually, I found Shorty and when I kept having no luck at finding you, I decided to settle down at the place I had found back then."
"Didn't you look in the Great Valley?" Grandma questioned.
"Well, of course I was trying to find it..." Bron said.

Ali and Shorty had finished off their meal.
"What are we gonna do now?" Shorty asked.
"I.. I think I'll go after Littlefoot," Ali stated.
"Why goin' after that crybaby, eh? Let's play something!" Shorty snorted.
"He's my friend and friends are there for each other so I'll see if he's alright now," Ali declared sourly.
"Okay, okay... Let's go to that Little... foot," Shorty said quickly to sooth Ali's outburst of anger.
"Who said you'd come along?" Ali then asked. "He's my friend, not yours."
"Yeah, maybe... but I'm your friend too so I can come along, right?"
"Shorty!" Ali sighed. "You can't because... well."
"Littlefoot and Ali kis..."
"It's not like that!" Ali snapped at him. "See, whatever made him so angry, is something deep. I've seen this face in my own reflection very often when I was still with my old herd... I know that Littlefoot might very easily switch his anger to you...  and frankly, I don't think you'd want that," Ali explained.
"I'd love that, actually..." Shorty said with a smirk. "Why wouldn't he switch his anger to you?"
"Because he's my friend, Shorty!" Ali shouted. "He doesn't know you and you're not just the best in terms of making new friends either."
"Hey!" Shorty objected.
"I'll be back," Ali cut him short and ran off.
"Wait, Ali!" Shorty shouted and followed her.
"Shorty, you stay where you are!" Bron thundered gruffly.
Audibly cursing, Shorty stopped in his tracks and slowly shambled over to Bron who clearly wasn't in a good mood...

Littlefoot was still weeping when Ali discovered his poor form. The pink Longneck carefully approached.
"L-Littlefoot?" she said quietly.
Littlefoot didn't reply but sobbed heavily.
"What's wrong?" the girl said sentimentally, slowly stepping closer.
Littlefoot still didn't reply.
"I-I better go I guess," she mumbled after some time.
"Don't go, Ali," Littlefoot managed to say inbetween his heavy sobs.
Ali being about to turn tail stopped in her movement and walked back to the weeping Longneck.
"What's wrong, Littlefoot?" she said again and nuzzled the boy softly, taking a seat next to him.
Littlefoot didn't manage to reply. Instead he curled up into a tight ball. Ali tried her best to console her friend, whispering words of comfort into his ears and offering him her body to hold on to...

"Looks like a fateful chain of unfortunate events separated us for many years," Grandpa spoke.
"Yeah, as I said, I'm so happy to have found you at last. I'm so looking forward to introduce you to my herd."
"Your herd?" Grandpa wondered.
"You... have a herd? So... you have become the leader of a..." Grandma stammered, awestruck.
"Yeah..." Bron replied shyly. "For some reason, the Longnecks at my home followed me and I became their leader."
"That's great, Bron!" Grandma exclaimed.
"I do not quite agree," Grandpa said sternly. "How big is your herd?"
"Fairly big..." Bron replied.
"Then we might have a problem..." Grandpa sighed.

Littlefoot soon stopped crying. Ali's comfort was really helping against his anger.
"Do you feel better?" Ali asked and smiled mildly at Littlefoot.
"Yeah, I think," Littlefoot said.
"Why were you so sad?"
"Well, it's all because of... my dad.. I...," Littlefoot struggled to continue his sentence. "I wasn't  told I even have a dad, y'know."
"Ah, I know the story. I've wandered with him  and Shorty a fair while now."
"How come? And how did you manage to... whatever happened to your skin? I haven't recognised you due to that - it almost shames me.
"That's a long story, Littlefoot. Mind if I tell you another time?"
"Nah, that's alright, Ali."
"Good. Oh, and I have not recognised you either," Ali chuckled. "You-you haven't changed that much while I'm looking really different and nasty - well, at the moment... I should be the one blamed."
"True..."Littlefoot hummed.
"Well, I'm just happy to see you, Littlefoot! It's been so long since we met," Ali exclaimed in excitement, bouncing around.
"Me too!" Littlefoot replied, though not nearly as enthusiastic as his friend.

"A problem?" Bron wondered clueless.
"Yes, because such a big herd doesn't fit into the Great Valley," Grandpa explained.
"Not as residents, that is," Grandma added. "Your herd is very welcomed to visit us for a limited time though."
"You don't wanna join my herd?" Bron asked in surprise.
"Give me a good reason to leave the Valley and I will," Grandpa stated.
"Uh, for family's sake?" Bron said.
"Our friends live in the Valley, there's enough food to feast on forever and no danger from Sharpteeth," Grandma spoke. "Why should we leave the Great Valley?"
"To unite the family at last," Bron appealed. "I want to live with Littlefoot and you two."
"What about me!?" Shorty piped up.
"You stay out of this!" Bron thundered. "Go back to the nest, scoot!"
Shorty was actually happy to be allowed to go. Any company was better than Bron's at that moment.
"It would be much easier if you quit leadership of your herd and go with us to the Great Valley," Grandpa remarked.
"But I can't abandon my herd," Bron retorted.
"You can abandon them," Grandma stated. "They'll find another leader, but you don't have another family, I may remark."
Bron didn't say anything in a while but considered.
"I-I'll think about it," Bron eventually declared. "I think I should have a word with my son." He sighed.
"We have never told him about you because we considered you dead," Grandma said quietly.
"He might be angry," Grandpa added.
"Yes, I'll handle that," Bron sighed. "I would have done the same thing so I don't hold it against you."
Littlefoot's Grandparents wished him luck and walked to the watering hole while Bron stepped up the steep wall...

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One of my longer chapters, admittedly... Don't worry, this will be the average chapter length soon. Maybe one reason why I don't seem to get on with the story :unsure:

Anyway, the next chapter will be a surprise. I'm not sure how you guys will take it... There will be a constant switch between two scenes, one of them being the continuation of the talk between Bron and the Grandparents / Ali and Littlefoot. I'll use it more often in the future as there are now several plots that happen simultaneously

PS: Just for the record: Until I pick up some motivation and, moreover, inspiration to write, I'll update every second week