The Land Before Time: Shadows of the Future

[Dima02]

Hey guys, I'm trying to make a new fanfic right now. Can you tell me what you think?

Short description: When a US Navy experiment goes horribly wrong, the Great Valley finds itself visited by strange creatures who plummet the valley into a war like no other.

Plot summary:

During the infamous Project Rainbow, the USS Eldridge is sent to the Bermuda Triangle to test out new breakthrough version of the Unified Field Theory, which states that an object can form its own space-time continuum using electromagnetic radiation and gravity. However, when the experiment goes horribly wrong, the ship creates a time tunnel in the middle of the Bermuda triangle. The time tunnel, in its own space-time continuum, randomly travel to different time periods, causing the disappearance of Flight 19 and the USS Cyclops. The experiment is kept secret by the US government and is kept top-secret.

Meanwhile in the Great Valley, the Gang of Seven finds a wreck of a PT boat as well as a DC-3 in the secret caverns. They keep it as a form a "clubhouse". However, when the famous TBF Avengers of Flight 19 enters the valley, Littlefoot believes that this is a sign of more things to come.

In 2016, a nuclear exchange between Israel and Arabs countries of the Middle East rockets the price of oil to 900 dollars a barrel. With world-wide fuel shortages, the US and UN is forced to consider drilling in prehistoric earth. Ships are then secretly sent to the Bermuda Triangle, sent to the past, and unload "green" oil-drilling equipment. However, when a Cuban vessel also discovers the time tunnel, Cuba, along with Communist North Korea, also send vessels to drill for oil. The stage for war is set.

When the Americans and UN soldiers first arrive in the Great Valley, they are friendly and respectful towards the dinosaurs, helping them fight off disease while taking good care of the land. However, when the communists strip-mine most of the Mysterious Beyond, they target the Great Valley. The Great Valley and its inhabitants and plunged into a war like no other.

Yes, I know that it's not the most original story, but I was just wondering if you guys had any suggestions or comments. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but praise is prefered.

However, please note that this is largely a techno-thriller, not a war fanfic.

 

[Dima02]

Well, there already is time travel LBT story Land Before Time: Voyage Through Time.

But this story is quite interesting. An alternate history technothriller meets LBT.

One problem, how will the Great Valley dinosaurs play a role in the story?

Also, was this inspired by Caustizer's Future Wars topic?

Yes, I was inspired by that Voyage Through Time.   . They both involve modern countries discovering the Great Valley, but that is where the similarities end. Voyage Through Time isn't finished, and based on my predictions, the story will have a different plot than mine. In my story, there's an actual war, but in Voyage Through Time, the conflict is within the submarine.

Actually, I only just read the story you made yesterday. My fanfiction took shape in my head a month ago. I got my idea even before I joined this forum. First of all, allow me to congratulate you on the splendid story you wrote. The dialogue was filled with tension, and the plot was truly exciting. It's a gold standard. My expression while reading your story:

As for the Great Valley dinosaurs, I don't have anything planned as of yet, but I'm sure that I'll figure something out.

[Dima02]

First of all, I congratulate you for coming up with an idea for a fanfic. I really like the idea of having the Bermuda Triangle as a portal to the Great Valley. The Bermuda Triangle has always been a place of mystery, so I found that was really interesting.

Here's where you want to be careful. Most fanfic writers fall into a trap where they like to just put anything they can think of into a different universe. Most of the time these are crossovers, but other times it's the idea of introducing unfamiliar things into a universe. You want to make sure that whatever you introduce into the LBT universe doesn't drastically change the way it is structured.

If you still want to do a "war" story within LBT, I suggest you read  Twilight Valley by Serris. It is a LBT War story, however all of the "technology" per-say is created with things found in the LBT universe. Reading that, or even asking Serris, could give you a better insight as to how a "war" could be done in LBT.

Here's a possible idea you could think of. Maybe when the humans arrive in the Great Valley and want to start a war, have them use primitive weapons rather than modern weapons. Have them make spears and whatnot. That would make it really dynamic because they would have to use their surroundings in order to survive.

I think you have a very interesting starting concept, and just remember that in the end this is YOUR story. I'm not telling you how to write it, I'm just offering suggestions. You can choose to take these into account, or you could dismiss everything in this post and go about it however you please. When you finally write your story, write how you feel best. Don't let anybody else try to tell you how to write your story. As long as you are committed to your idea, it will turn out great.

I hope this helps, and I hope it doesn't come off the wrong way.

Thanks for the review and advise.  

[Serris]

Hey, how's work on this story coming?

[Serris]

Hey, do you plan to continue posting this story? You mentioned that you had 10,000 or so words finished.

In any case, I am really excited to see how this continues.

[LBTDiclonius]

I am too. Yes, Voyage Throught Time got my attention and since this fanfic is inspired by that, I think I'll like it. Also, it's a techno-thriller. I don't know what that is, mind you, but I do have a feeling it's going to be interesting.  

[joshua1127]

Well....I believe it's a good start on thinking about the US Soldiers entered the bermuda triangle and find themselves in the great valley but I wouldn't make it into a bloody battle. cause it is suppose to be appropiett to families. I'm pretty sure it'll be a good fan fiction story to share. However it'll need to be worked on cause it'll need to be suitable for families and children of all ages 15 to 16. no cuss words no nothing ya know.

I am wishing ya   on it no blood and guts no bad languages not anything bad that'll disturb the family... Ya know what I mean.  

[vonboy]

Some people like blood and guts and exploding ******, Joshua. Theres this one good 'human goes back in time to Great Valley" fanfiction I'm reading that has a lot of gore, but it's still a good story.

[joshua1127]

I know Vonboy. I was just only trying to reason with Dima02; And let him/her know that The Land Before Time movie sequels and TV shows are familie/adventure show.

I have a belief that writers will may have to be carefull with story scripts for a movie they are going to animated or if it's book to entertain readers and other writers too.

I do that a lot when I am writing a made up story or do an art work project.

I hope you understand this, I was just trying to help out with others.  

[Adder]

Its a fanfiction (not a script for a movie), I've read several stories that are gory and profane. I will agree with you that movies wouldn't do this, but fanfiction writers are different, several members on this forum have written dark/bloody and profane stories before, they just aren't posted here directly. Only links to the chapters, I'm not bothered by gore and profanity. Though the chances of a younger kid finding GOF is low.

need to be suitable for families and children of all ages 15 to 16. no cuss words no nothing ya know.

How would gore and language bother someone my age? :huh:

Some people like blood and guts and exploding

I would be one of those, I've written rather dark stories before with The Animals of Farthing Wood. It is very hard to offend me with anything gory or profane in any way.

[joshua1127]

Well Adder, I'll be honest with ya. I am not the type of guy to hear bad language and using God's name invain. Some people just don't like mild languages.

Although action my be good like picking fights gunfire, the sound of swords, explosions, and stuff but if it's too gorey it would make you want to walk away and get shocked. Now I am not trying to say all of this in a bad way I am just being honest.


They're are other people that can be bothered by gore and profanity. Me, I am a careful and wise person, with autism. I am always careful by not using cuzz words at all.

But I'll allow others to think what you want to believe and stuff.  

[Adder]

using God's name invain

That I can understand. There is nothing more I hate than when somebody says that. Both it doesn't bother me unless it is spoken.

I'm never shocked by gore. I know that some people are, I was just saying. I will admit that I never cuss when I speak, but stories and when I am in a bad mood (Aftermidnight section only)...that's different.

[Serris]

Dima is within his rights to write whatever he feels comfortable with. If it offends you or you do not like it, there is no harm in simply walking away or closing the browser window.

[joshua1127]

Dima is within his rights to write whatever he feels comfortable with. If it offends you or you do not like it, there is no harm in simply walking away or closing the browser window.

I know people have rights to do whatever they want to do, writting, drawing and stuff and I understand it too... We are in America it's a free country.

Now I don't mean to be rude; All I am trying to do is to give some advice to other members on their stories.

[Dima02]

Don't worry guys, I believe that I worded my summary terrily. I feel like that a lot of you believe that this story is just about random killing and ruthless gore; it's not even close. There is almost no blood or gore or anything of that nature. It's mainly just history, technology, and geography. I haven't even watched any M-rated movies in my life. I won't be able to write a good gore story even if my life depended on it. It's mostly just a techno-thriller. I've written more than 10,000 words, and there is absolutly no blood or cursing. I guarantee everyone that this story will be family-safe. I was trying to base this whole thing on family movies like Avatar and Pocahontas. You know how those stories are kinda the same?
I was trying to do something like that. The former is rated G and the latter is rated PG-13. I was aiming for something in between, although I've seen neither of the movies.

And forget the part about "After 2016..." I wasn't thinking clearly. I was half-asleep when I wrote that.

Now that I have the story figured out, I feel that such a plot is impossible. Even now, I'm not sure what I'll do, but I guartee you guys it won't contain much blood or gore.

Well, the first chapter is up. It doesn't have much to do with LBT, since it's just an intro. Click here to view it. I already have the next chapter written, but I'm considering splitting the next chapter in two, because there's so much content. Also, I have to do some spell-checking. My sources got cut off, and I don't really know why. Yes, the first chapter is somewhat unrelated and boring, and you'll probably be like :blink: . But don't worry, it'll get better... a lot better.

[f-22 "raptor" ace]

I've read the first chapter on fanfiction.net and it's pretty good so far, I'm waiting for the next update.

[Serris]

Ooh. Nice set up.

Uh, you may want to remove the youtube links since they will wreck the appearance of the story.

[LBTDiclonius]

^ Besides, the links don't even work. <_<

Yep, I agree, nice start, I'm looking forward to this story, seems like it'll be a good read considering the prologue.

[Dima02]

Ooh. Nice set up.

Uh, you may want to remove the youtube links since they will wreck the appearance of the story.

I don't know how they got cut off. I added the next chapter already. Should I remove the links, or should I just fix them?

[Serris]

I can certainly see that someone did their research.

But as for the youtube links, just delete them. They don't add anything to the story.

If you want to make notes or cite something, do it in this topic; it looks better than if you did so in the story.