The Gang of Five
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The Land Before Time: Red Skies Part II

Achillobator

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The next morning found many of the dinosaurs in the valley gathered together. They have gotten word of the new comer in the valley. The all stood there, conversing among themselves. It wasn’t long before a dark figure circled above them. The flyer spiralled down and landed among the middle of the group.  Littlefoot walked up beside Max and said, “Everyone, I’d like to introduce Max”

“Hello everyone,” Max said, waving at the others. His greeting was met only by chatter among themselves.  Finally grandma longneck walked up to littlefoot and the flyer.

“Welcome to the Great Valley, friend. What is ours is yours.”

“Thank you very much. It’s a very lovely valley,” Max said, trying to be as polite as possible. He was about to say more but he was cut off.

“Now hold on just a minute. I have a question,” The old threehorn, Topsy, began, “why didn’t you show yourself until now? What are you hiding?” The threehorn gave him a harsh, intimidating glare. Max returned the gesture, frowning at the accusation. He then calmly responded, “I am hiding nothing. I just didn’t feel like making a big fuss about things, although it seems that can’t be helped now.” Topsy snorted aggressively.

“There’s something I don’t trust about him. He’s no good, I can tell!” the stubborn dinosaur replied. Cera jumped in, taking her father’s side as usual.

“Yeah!”

“Now, now, there is no reason to start a fight. Some people simply like their space, that’s all, and we respect that,” Grandpa stepped in, trying to bring order back to this conversation. Topsy snorted once more and kept silent. Max turned his head away. He turned it towards Littlefoot’s grandpa as he approached.

“As Grandma said, you are welcome amongst us”

“Thank you. Thank you very much,” Max replied. The rest of the day was spent with introductions and all kinds of stories. Max told them of many adventures he had growing up. He took to the air, demonstrating his elite flying skills. He soared, spiralled, looped, barrel-rolled, and preformed many other aerial stunts. His movements were very fluid and very well calculated. His fluid motions looked like a leaf blowing about in a breeze. Some other flyers came up to join him, but none could match the precision flying of the Max. Those stuck on the ground stared in awe as the flyer danced through the sky. A red streak on the flyer’s crest seemed to snake around the sky. Max finally stopped and perched himself upon a branch. The youngsters came up to him, admiring the graceful beast.

“You fly so wonderful! It was amazing!” Petrie exclaimed, catching his breath after an attempt to mimic Max. Max merely chuckled at the comment and said, “That’s why I was the best flyer in my herd!” He stood proudly as he felt his old life surging back to him. The young flyers that gathered were hypnotized by the charisma this creature seemed to possess.

“You were the best in your herd?!”

“That’s right. The best flyer my herd has ever seen!”

“Wow! What happened? Why aren’t you still with your herd?”

That last question seemed to tap some deep, hidden wound. The flyer was silent. His pride seemed to shatter and his bright eyes grew dark. He finally broke the short silence, “Let’s just say something bad happened,” He replied.
“Something bad? Like what?”

“I have to go,” Max said as he took to the air once more. He said goodbye to the children and flew off. The young ones sat there confused at what had just taken place.

“What was that about?” Cera said the words everyone was thinking. Littlefoot only shook his head and said, “I don’t know, but it sure seemed upset.” The group of young dinosaurs sat there silent, pondering what could have possibly caused the flyer’s attitude to change so drastically.

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Yeah, short part. But I am actually surprised I did two parts in two days :p Yeah, dark mysterious part. Oouuu!

P.S. Don't be afraid to proofread my work :p


Manny Cav

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Besides the fact that it was, again, very well written (both grammatically and story-wise), I've taken this is as an opportunity to note how you use quotation marks that slant “to the left and right” appropriately rather than "standard" ones. Is there a particular reason for this, or is it just a side affect of copy/pasting from MS Word (assuming that's what you did to post that in this thread).

EDIT: Also, is there a particular reason you made a new thread rather than continuing your story in the first one?


Kor

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The writing is good, with an interesting sort of cliffhanger at the ending.  The plot seems to flow without seeming rushed as in some stories.


Achillobator

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Quote from: Manny Cav,Nov 6 2007 on  08:06 PM
Besides the fact that it was, again, very well written (both grammatically and story-wise), I've taken this is as an opportunity to note how you use quotation marks that slant “to the left and right” appropriately rather than "standard" ones. Is there a particular reason for this, or is it just a side affect of copy/pasting from MS Word (assuming that's what you did to post that in this thread).

EDIT: Also, is there a particular reason you made a new thread rather than continuing your story in the first one?
Yeah, that's probably Word's fault too :p

and I did it because I thought it would look neater?


Manny Cav

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Quote from: Achillobator,Nov 6 2007 on  07:55 PM
Quote from: Manny Cav,Nov 6 2007 on  08:06 PM
EDIT: Also, is there a particular reason you made a new thread rather than continuing your story in the first one?
and I did it because I thought it would look neater?
As you can see from threads like this, it's considered more appropiate to do it in one thread. It makes things -- neater. :lol: It stops the clutter of a zillion threads for one LBT story that could potentially contain 20 chapters (I've seen that before on fanfiction.net :o ) and make going through the story a pain in the neck.


Achillobator

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Quote from: Manny Cav,Nov 6 2007 on  09:26 PM
Quote from: Achillobator,Nov 6 2007 on  07:55 PM
Quote from: Manny Cav,Nov 6 2007 on  08:06 PM
EDIT: Also, is there a particular reason you made a new thread rather than continuing your story in the first one?
and I did it because I thought it would look neater?
As you can see from threads like this, it's considered more appropiate to do it in one thread. It makes things -- neater. :lol: It stops the clutter of a zillion threads for one LBT story that could potentially contain 20 chapters (I've seen that before on fanfiction.net :o ) and make going through the story a pain in the neck.
Yeah...Yeah, I guess you're right. :p


The Great Valley Guardian

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Another great chapter wow a mysterious past....this should spice things up a bit...:D

BTW...can you review my fanfic on this site? thanks!