The Gang of Five
Beyond the Mysterious Beyond => The Fridge => Saurus Rock: Member Hall of Fame => Topic started by: rhombus on November 10, 2016, 07:31:54 PM
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The rules for joining the Fanfiction Awards (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=15243)
Voting has now begun for the fanfiction awards. Voting will end on 11:59 pm forum time on December 24.
If you wish to vote in private, please send me a PM with your votes. Otherwise, please post your votes in this topic.
This is the voting section for the fanfiction awards only. All fanfictions that have been submitted by your fellow members for voting are listed below. Please only post on this topic to submit your vote, do not ask questions or have discussions here. For questions, please click the link above and comment on the rules.
You may vote on as many fanfictions as you'd like, but you must have read them first. Please show us in your review that you've truly read the fanfiction.
Please copy the following form to vote:
Name of fanfiction: NAME HERE
Rating: #/10
Review: REVIEW HERE
The following fanfictions have been submitted for you to vote on:
Name: To Tread Upon Fields Afar.
Short Summary: Two Amargasaurus siblings find themselves caught up in a journey they never planned to make when they find out their father, thought to have been lost long ago, may still be alive, in a place long thought to be a myth: the Great Valley. Along the way they meet new friends, discover new perils, and come to the realization that their real purpose is far greater than either ever imagined
Link:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...showtopic=15651 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=15228)
Author: Fyn16
Name of fanfiction: LBT The Musical
Short summary: When a terrible storm breaks a hole in the great wall and Grandpa Longneck falls seriously ill, Mr. Threehorn makes a bid to take control of the Great Valley. At the same time, Chomper learns that an old foe is taking the opportunity to settle a score with Littlefoot and his friends.
Link to fanfiction on the GoF:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...howtopic=15667/ (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=15244/)
Author(s) : LettuceBacon&Tomato
Any other comment: Rated PG. Contains romance, politics, drug use, light violence, and songs.
Name of fan fiction: The Swimmer Trials
Short Summary: Ducky is chosen for a Trial that no has survived and the story is about the lead up to the day, the events on the day and the aftermath of The Swimmer Trials
Link to fanfiction on Gof:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...showtopic=14310 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=13951)
Author: The Lone Dragon
Any other comments: The Fanfic has many chapters and is unfinished but it is closer to completion (not by too much though)
Name of fanfiction: Shorty's Dark Past
Short summary: Roughly based on the events of LBT 10, this is a story that tries to explore Shorty's mysterious past as he meets new and old friends and fiends in the oasis where many Longnecks had wandered to, following their sleepstories, waiting for an mysterious event to occur. What happened in Shorty's early childhood? Why did he turn into the jerk he often is? And how are these past events going to influence his life at present and in the future? Read the story to find out ;) Romance and violence and also many funny scenes included.
Link to fanfiction on the GoF:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...showtopic=13136 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=12779)
Author(s) : Ducky123
Any other comment: in-progress
Name of fanfiction: The Dreadful Time of Great Growing
Short summary: What happens when the Gang eventually grows up? Well, puberty. In this story, I am attempting to lead our adventurous (and rebellious? :unsure:) Gang into these exciting years, trying to find the right balance between the Gang that we're used to and the Gang that's struggling with their hormones :p
Link to fanfiction on the GoF:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...showtopic=15329 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=14963)
Author(s) : Ducky123
Any other comment: in-progress/on semi-hiatus
Name of fanfiction: Freeze
Short summary: Short story that goes a bit deeper into the relationship of Ducky and Spike in LBT 8. Alternate ending.
Link to fanfiction on the GoF:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...showtopic=15373 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=15006)
Author(s) : Ducky123
Any other comment: finished
Name of fanfiction: Songs of the Hunters
Short summary: The Seven Hunters are back and this time they are relating their epic adventures to their children. What crises befell the pack after they left the Great Valley? How did they take back their territory? What happened to their friends and allies? And how did these wonderful children come about? Find out along with their kids as you listen to the songs of the hunters. (part 2 of the Seven Hunters continuity)
Link to fanfiction on the GoF:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...showtopic=14146 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=13788)
Author(s) : Rhombus
Any other comment: Complete
Name of fanfiction: Mender’s Tale
Short summary: Based upon a roleplay with Historian1912 and set in the Seven Hunters continuity. Mender has the reputation as being the best healer in the Mysterious Beyond, helping all who require it, but that was not always the case. Follow Mender as she recalls how a lowly fastbiter eventually found her place in life once she met a most unusual pack. This is Mender's Tale.
Link to fanfiction on the GoF:http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...showtopic=15413 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=15045)
Authors: : Rhombus and Historian1912
Any other comment: In progress
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I vote for BLTS fanfiction it was extremely good and a awesome read.
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ADFan, you seem to have not received my PM from when you posted your vote for the first time, so I will reiterate what I said before:
Please be advised that there are specific rules and a specific format that must be followed to cast a vote in the fanfiction awards. A link to these rules are provided at the top of my initial post to this topic. Among other things, you need to indicate the story you are voting for, give the reasons for your vote, and then assign a value from 0-10 for the vote. If you have any questions over this process then please let me know by PM.
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I'll do Ducky123's fanfictions first.
Name of Fanfiction: Freeze
Rating: 9/10
Review: This short story was very well done, it focuses on an alternative version of The Big Freeze from Ducky's perspective when Spike leaves. The story does a great job at displaying the thoughts and feelings of the character's and was very easy to read. I also really enjoyed the alternative story line as well though sometimes the story was lacking just a few tiny details but apart from that I'd say it was a great piece of writing.
Name of Fanfiction: The Dreadful Time of Great Growing
Rating: 8.8/10
Review: This story has been very amusing and entertaining, showing The Gang starting puberty and depicts there various challenges and problems in a very humorous way, the story has been a very enjoyable read and has left a lot to still be written that I am looking for. The characters I think are very in character as they could be considering that they are in their teens. However the story feels very incomplete due to the fact that there are only a few chapters up and that does leave the last few chapters like they are lacking the finish product but this is still a very good story with a lot of promise and I can't wait to see it take off.
Name of Fanfiction: Shorty's Dark Past
Rating: 9/10
Review: Once again I am treated to a very good read in this story which focuses on a alternative to The Great Longneck Migration and involves Littlefoot, Bron, Ali and Shorty. The story really goes into great depth when it comes to Shorty's past and emotions, he's a character the you can be both sorry for but also angry for at the same time. The romance between Littlefoot and Ali is also a very romantic highlight and has lots of really good humour and last but not least is the relationship between Bron and Littlefoot is much more thoroughly explored then in the movie. I wonder what surprises await in the future of the story but so far it is a really good read. The content in later chapters also has a improved writing style compared to the early chapters and has far less typos which is a good sign of improvement. This story has been really good, keep up the great work yep, yep, yep!
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Hello everyone! I'll be moving down the list, reviewing every story I can, so for today, we'll be starting with LettuceBacon&Tomato's (which is a super creative and awesome name, I've just gotta say) "LBT: The Musical."An interesting note: I was working on a theatrical production of "Arsenic and Old Lace" during the time this was originally posted, so the transition to another theater piece is nice. Let's delve into this, shall we?
Name of Fanfiction: LBT: The Musical
Rating: 8/10
Review: So in this musical, we start with a relatively formulaic Land Before Time setup: disaster strikes the Valley, grown-ups are (as usual) incompetent and argumentative, and our favorite band of youngsters sets out to right the wrongs on their own. Setting up the play this was created mixed feelings for me. On one hand, it was a familiar setting, helping me to immediately understand what was going on. On the other, it did seem a tad generic. Between the two, I settled on the familiar, nostalgic feeling it gives, especially considering one fact: this is a stage play, something I'll be bringing up a lot in this review. If there's one very strong point to this piece, it's that LBT does a great job keeping this reasonable within the confines of a stage. If this was being performed for an audience who, perhaps, hadn't seen Land Before Time in a while, or only had a mild interest, this sort of familiar opening would be perfect for hooking them back in, reminding them how the universe of Land Before Time works, and restoring, perhaps, some long-lost nostalgia.
Then we break away from the traditional storyline, and this is where the play earns its stripes. We see Threehorn's motivations and they are downright sinister. In his eyes, he sees himself as the only hope for the Valley; in my opinion, this definitely fits with his character. My only wish is that, after he gets his comeuppance, he might return to the stage one more time to express his apologies. He certainly gets a moment of redemption, but there's also a chance to make what happens after a little more personal. There's also the Sharptooth arc, which pops up afterward. I must say- his motivations are solid. He's a humiliated villain, out for revenge, and he's taken advantage of the basic biological need to eat for all Sharpteeth in order to get the allies he needs to take the Valley. He's a solid character, but his dialogue can get a bit wordy at times, almost expository, even. It doesn't detract from the overall story too much, however.
The story itself works quite well. We have a problem, a resulting conflict, and a resolution, solving little problems along the way. In the context of a one-off stage play, I liked the return of Ali and Littlefoot's Grandfather's mysterious affliction. Both work for that sense of audience identity I talked about earlier. The song choices, too, only serve to strengthen the plot. Revised words for familiar tunes hearken back to the original movies, again laying down that familiar foundation with the audience, while conveying new, relevant meaning. This is excellent. More importantly, they serve as deeper expressions of character emotion whenever they come up, which is the mark of a good musical. The music shouldn't feel shoehorned in; instead, it should move the plot in other ways. You do that here, and I commend that.
For the technical aspects, the stage directions are good when they appear, but the play could benefit from having more. Actors love interpretation- it's 90% of the job- but some direction is still essential for keeping a consistent production over multiple directors. There are parts where dialogue is uninterrupted by any action, and while many directors fill the gaps in with their own blocking, having seen a script recently myself, there are areas where a little more direction is needed from the script. Now, while this doesn't impact the overall grade, I'd like to point out that this would lend itself quite well to the dinosaur costumes used in productions like "Walking with Dinosaurs." Imagine that moment where Sharptooth first reveals himself, the booming voice, the dark silhouette manifesting into the nightmare of little kids everywhere- it'd be great.
So overall, I liked this play, but there are moments that could use some more polish. You take an established formula and tweak it in new, dynamic, and ultimately interesting ways. Familiar characters return, and their characterization works well. The only thing I can say to take away from this is to remember the technical aspects of scriptwriting. Dialogue is important, but blocking is the backbone. Always give actors something to do. I'd probably chalk that up to the short time in which this was written (well done on that, by the way), but I don't think it detracts from the overall quality of the piece. Good work, and thanks for sharing this with us!
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First of all, I want to note that I'm trying my damnedest to read every fanfic, but I had no idea how long some if them are D: I don't want to review something I haven't finished, but it may take longer than December 15th to get to all of them. That said, I just finished reading The Swimmer Trials, which I started with mainly due to really liking the premise.
Name of fanfiction: The Swimmer Trials
Rating: 8/10
Review: The storyline is absolutely the best part of the fanfic. It had a lot of stylistic choices I don't agree with, and I'll get to them during this review, but ultimately I wanted to sit down day after day and keep reading to see what happens next, and I needed to know how it all concludes. As this is the most important thing for a story to do, I call this fanfiction a success.
But it suffers from some serious repetition of plotlines. Potty emergencies show up to a staggering degree, as well as characters retelling earlier scenes to other characters who weren't there. Perhaps it's just not my style, but I started zoning out whenever I had to read a second-hand account of something I'd already read when it happened earlier in the fanfiction. Spoiler: Another frequent trope is having multiple good guys in life-threatening situations, several characters taking a real beating but everybody surviving in the end. After The Killer Storm, which was hyped up as a intercontinental catastrophe and had multiple chapters dedicated to very gripping scenes with almost the entire cast in peril, came and went with literally zero deaths beyond background characters, I had a hard time believing the fanfic was ever going to kill someone sympathetic. That's not wrong or anything, many authors avoid death in their stories, but it effects the suspense after so many times watching everybody come out alive.
Character motivations are mostly solid, and I could follow the logic through which decisions were made and actions were taken. I feel like Sura flip-flops a lot between wanting to train Ducky and wanting to protect her from dangerous training, which is believable but it starts to wear thin when she brings up the exact same ultraprotective protest vote every single time Ducky tries to train. But part of that may stem from my primary problem with the story: (spoiler) Why doesn't anybody ever consider the possibility of just not having the trial? As far as I can tell, everybody in the world is aware that nobody survives the trial, no character except Scurla is in favor of having the Trial, and every character is aware that Scurla cherry-picks the victims for political gain, so I don't understand why everybody has taken it for granted that the Trial must happen and there's nothing anyone can do about that. I get that the Trial needs to happen for the plot, I just find it weird that nobody ever brings up the possibility of just outlawing the openly-rigged death trap that nobody likes anyway. I feel like this problem might stem from Scurla not actually appearing to have much power. As far as I can tell, she has no real supporters, every other Swimmer has only bad things to say about her, and she's always delivering her own messages and devising her own schemes, i don't see any sort of support net or muscle backing her up. I might be wrong, but it sounded like (spoiler) after the scene where Ruphus and Chomped fail to kill her, she's even stranded on her cave, unable to even reach the rest of the Great Valley, so I don't understand why she's able to single-handedly control the Great Valley, especially considering Sura co-leads the Swimmers of the Great Valley and has every other species leader ally in with her.
I can definitely accept if I'm wrong and just missed the backbone behind Scurla's power net, because at the moment I feel like it's the one thing that keeps distracting me whenever I read an emotional scene where somebody is lamenting the fact that Ducky must soon risk her life and likely die in the Trial. But, taking the trial as a mandatory event is definitely healthier for the story as it provides the driving force behind a lot of conflict and character development. I'd also like to add that the author's writing has improved tremendously from the beginning. You really came into your own when it comes to setting the scene, with some very solid descriptions of beautiful beaches and combat wounds. You also do a great job balancing an enormous primary cast of characters, from the Gang of Seven and their parents to an extremely large Swimmer family tree, cameos from every single LBT movie and even flashbacks with fully-developed characters who never appear in the story proper. It has the feel of a Homeric epic, with many scenes providing bonus world-building or covering angles that were technically unneeded, but the story vindicated these scenes by remaining steadfastly dedicated to its world and everyone in it. Ultimately, I'm glad I read it and I will be reading future posts in order to see how it all turns out.
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A quick note here: I originally said I would be reading from top to bottom, but I've decided to alter that, going from short stories to the long ones. I still intend to read everyone's work, but I'd like to get as many in as possible right off the bat. So without further ado, let's address the next story on my radar:
Name: The Dreadful Time of Great Growing
Rating: 7/10
Review: As is customary, I will be starting off with the story's strong points, and then moving on to the areas that need improvement before posting my conclusion. To begin, this story's greatest strength thus far, in my opinion, is its portrayal of Mr. Thicknose. To date, I have yet to see a depiction that does the character as much justice as this one does. To be fair, I haven't ready many stories in which he was a prominent character, but Ducky does a great job fleshing out his backstory, and giving him a firm foundation as a teen for the character he would later grow up to be. His stories are genuinely entertaining, and as someone outside of the universe, I can still see the value in the lessons he teaches. Equally strong was your depiction of the Gang. Each has a distinct, plausible personality, which feels believable- even Littlefoot, who's personality has done a complete 180. This sounds like a stretch at first, but one needs to remember that they're growing up. A complete change in attitude is, by all counts, a very natural process. Well done in portraying that, I say.
But now we come to the part that I hate writing, where I describe how this story landed a 7/10. Let me start by saying I like where it's going. The story itself is solid. What primarily needs work is the story's structure. There are a lot of places where you start paragraphs with someone's name, several times in a row. While not a cardinal sin by any means, it can get a little repetitive for the reader when things like this aren't switched up. There's also a common practice of starting each section off with truly great details and description, only for those longer paragraphs to turn into lines of dialogue. Dialogue is good, but as someone once told me many moons ago, you need action to break it up, even if that action is minute. Simply saying what's going on in the background is sometimes enough. To truly hook a reader, you need to paint enough of the picture that they can fill in the gaps themselves. Otherwise, they tend to get lost. I will also point out that some things seem to move a bit fast right now. Ducky's love interest, who I assume we'll see later in the story, was introduced immediately, and I'm not sure this is the right approach. I won't hold that one against the story for the moment though.
With all that said, I really am entertained by this story, and will continue to watch it grow and develop. The 7/10 is only based on what we have so far, which is just a few chapters. i would highly expect that rating to change as the story continues to grow. In summary- it's a great story with obvious promise, but it does need some work in structural variety. I, for one, look forward to seeing where it goes next!
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Name: Freeze
Rating: 9.5/10
Review: ... :wow
Now THIS is how you do a short story! Freeze takes the short story format, runs with it, and ends up as what reads to me like a highly polished, canonically plausible standalone work. I commend Ducky123 tenfold for this tale.
So let's talk high points, and then I guess I'll touch on the very minor nitpicky things right at the end. First off, the premise is solid. FROZEN solid... Anyone? No- no one? Okay, shutting up. I love it when people fill in narrative gaps in a way that would work with the overall story, and even though you have an alternate ending, this feels very plausible! Not only that, but you capture Ducky's characterization to a T. Of equal importance: your descriptions work very well this time. You verbally paint a vivid (or I suppose in this case, vividly drab) landscape for your readers, and leave them with just enough space to fill in the rest with imagination. This is outstanding. Your characters also look and act convincingly. All three of these aspects to combine to create one of the most solid pieces of writing I've read this year, so again I say- well done.
So why isn't it a 10/10? Well, I found some grammatical slip-ups, but I don't generally hold those against the writer. I took half a point off because I feel like you were building toward a moral that never really came to fruition. Ducky's positively torn up because Spike's gone, but instead of allowing the story to focus on how she copes and eventually learns to overcome her feelings, as I thought it would, she decides to go searching for him. Now, this part was portrayed realistically, with Ducky nearly dying of exposure to the cold, but the ending is where I have to draw points away. Having the female Spiketail come in at the end with Spike felt a little too convenient. In fact, it borders on Deus Ex Machina. Instead of having Ducky grow as a character, she gets what she wants in the end, and I'm not sure this truly is how it should have ended. Don't get me wrong- the ending works, and that's why I only subtracted half a point: because this is largely my own opinion. It's just that this story seemed to have a great chance to teach a moral, and it didn't really do that by the end.
With that out of the way, I still found this to be an exceptional read, and I enjoyed my time, however brief, with it. This story is truly amazing, and I hope you treasure it as much as I treasured my time reading it. Outstanding work here. I'll be remembering this one for a while to come.
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Name of fanfiction: To Tread Upon Fields Afar
Rating: 10/10
Review: I wasn't planning on reading Fyn16's next, but the GoF powerout made that choice for me since it suddenly became the only fanfic online due to him hosting it on ff.net. Now that I've finished it, I can say that it was an extremely good fanfiction, I seriously recommend scrapping the LBT aspects and getting it published as a standalone novel. It seems to be a sequel to some other fanfiction, or part of a larger world called the New Fyn Continuity, and since I have no knowledge of anything else the author has written, I can commend him for writing a story that requires no knowledge of additional content. I never felt lost while reading and the story elements were tightly-controlled and all necessary for the plot.
Pacing is the story's strongest point. Every scene happens for a reason, characters are fleshed out to necessary degree and the stakes (and danger) escalate at a pace that drew me in and kept me logging in day after day to see what happened out of sheer interest, rather than obligation. My personal favorite aspect of Fyn16's storytelling is his ability to surprise me; characters like Zaura and Rear made decisions I wasn't expecting and Rear in particular filled a narrative role I didn't see coming. Likewise, the allusions to the Gang of Seven and the past come slowly, planting seeds of suspicion into the reader's mind that the world is no longer the happy place we all know from the LBT movies, before slowly filling in the pieces. I can really admire that sort of narrative restraint.
The other thing I really enjoy about this fanfic is its serious analysis of deeper philosophical concepts through the minds of the characters. Themes such as loyalty, family and aging are all given serious thought and drive the characters actions and motivations; I particularly enjoy Sol's evolution from a naive fish-eater to a meat-eater struggling to keep his newfound urges from jeopardizing his relationships. It makes me think of the concept of "biting into the fruit of knowledge" and realizing the sheer staggering potential life gives each of us, and the costs that this potential can have on those we care about. All four main characters in Fyn's fic are coming of age in different ways, and none of them have a perfect relationship with each other, which makes their group fascinating to read about.
The only kinda plot point I wasn't solid about was Tzatl the Flyer, specifically his promise to fly after the main characters and document what they do without interfering. I originally took his role to be similar to a bard; chronicling a legend in the making with the hopes of saving the story for perpetuity, but it felt weird to think that this character was just following along in the sky silently watching as the main characters almost die over and over again. While Fyn was starving to death on the plateau I couldn't help wonder if the flyer was hiding out of sight, knowing every other character was too far to help but deciding to let the youth die. He's literally never mentioned again after vowing to follow the story through to its conclusion (though he might appear as a Chekov's Gun later, story isn't finished), and whether he appears again or not I'm just not sure his presence helps the overall narrative. Otherwise though, it's a fantastic story told by a very capable writer, I can't wait to see where Book III goes with this.
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Name of Fanfiction: Menders Tale
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: I found Menders Tale to be a very interesting addition to Rhombus's two stories. It is told in flashbacks that always have a relevant event and lesson to the events that go on in the present. I also really like how the character development though I would have liked a bit more knowledge on how Violet became Mender but that is probably yet to come. The story had many morals and humorous moments but it doesn't feel up to the same standard as The Seven Hunters so I found it a little dull at times but the way the content of the story is still very interesting and I enjoyed the read, while a may not have found it too enjoyable I still found the morals insightful and the storyline excellent.
Name of Fanfiction: LBT The Musical
Rating: 7.5/10
Review: This was a very a very good story, with a good storyline and a few interesting features like drugs, the story is well written and it has surprisingly a bit more description for a stage play but I still wish their was more description in it, also I found that several parts of the plat like the Ducky and Petrie romance were never resolved in the end of the story though I did like the twist about Grandpa Longneck's illness. Overall I found it a very good read but their is still some loose ends that could have been tied up, however despite it's forthcomings I found the story nice and easy to read.
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Name of fanfiction: The Swimmer Trials
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: I've found The Swimmer Trials kind of hit-and-miss. It's mostly great but I have to point out certain problems. Some scenes are excellent while some are quite slow and don't really advance the main storyline. Some of the elements in this story are quite unnecessary while some feel a bit forced. Fortunately, most of the things in the story thus far are very good.
First for the negative things I pointed out. Maybe it's just me but I never was really interested in Ducky's relatives on Big Water. Also, chapters like the one with Shorty doing the Big Longneck Test had little to do with the story and the cameos of Tippy and other side characters weren't really needed. This fanfic has been an uneven ride: sometimes it's as simply amazing while sometimes it's not that captivating. But these problems are quite small when compared to the great things about Swimmer Trials.
The overall premise of the story is excellent. I'm looking forwards to seeing how the climax works out. You've done very well developing the semi-OC:s like Ruphus and Ducky's siblings as well as Through. Perhaps my favorite thing about the Swimmer Trials is Swayer. I simply love his scenes and I cannot but feel sorry for the poor swimmer. Hopefully we'll see more of him. Also, the whole Killer Storm part was fantastic.
Thus far, this has been a great story. While it may have fallen to inconsistencies in pacing and wandering in unneeded parts, there has always been enough to keep me waiting for the next chapter. For now, I'm really looking forward to seeing what is going to happen next. Thus far the good guys have had an amazing luck but we'll see how long it'll last. As far as I've understood, this fic is far from over.
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Name of fanfiction: The Dreadful Time of Great Growing
Rating: 8/10
Review: Both of the Ducky123 fics I've read have been more slice-of-life than the sprawling epics of my first two fanfics, so I've had to adjust to the fact that they're written with a more focused scope than the others. "Gatherers" isn't very far along, only 3 medium-length chapters, so there's not a lot to go off of at the moment but I did enjoy what there is. I feel that pacing could be improved; many of the conversations tend to ramble and sometimes the asides disrupted the flow of the scene. A few scenes felt a bit disjointed, like Petrie's bedwetting scene and Ruby interrupting Thicknose's story, but since the story isn't complete it's fully possible that everything comes back around and becomes relevant further down the line.
I really liked your use of frame narrative. Thicknose's story is a great bit of world building, exploring an Era of the Great Valley not often seen and adding further backstory to the character himself. One note, I have trouble taking the character name Scotty seriously. I know LBT has used generic names like Milo and Spike already, but Scotty feels just too human and disjointed from the dinosaur world. Kinda like when Thicknose references an alarm clock while speaking to the rainbow faces.
Name of fanfiction: Freeze
Rating: 7.5/10
Review: There was nothing wrong in particular with this fanfic, but I don't feel like it went really in-depth with its premise. Other than a little bit of Ducky's mom hypothesizing that Ducky's anger stemmed from jealousy, most of the story simply consisted of Ducky's actions, behaviors, and consequences. The story did remain engaging and I kept reading to see where the plot was going, so I guess I'm saying I would have liked for Ducky to be more introspective; as it is she never really reflects on her actions or the incredibly lucky break that she didn't just die in the snow on her first night in the Mysterious Beyond.
I would have liked to see more of Spike and his inner thoughts. I know that's not easy because he doesn't talk and Ducky is the focal character, but even after returning to the Great Valley, Spike doesn't really say anything to his prodigal sister and the story treats him as more of a channel for emotions than a source. He gets a single hug and then Tippy's mom takes his place as the Spiketail for Ducky to interrogate and converse with. I just think Spike could have played a larger role physically due to his importance to the overall narrative.
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Name of fanfiction: To Tread Upon Fields Afar
Rating: 9.5/10
Review: Truly amazing fanfiction... Perhaps more so than any other fic, this story has created brand new characters, locations and storylines which are a great extension to LBT universe. It is written brilliantly and the mix of the new and old characters was a great touch in the last few chapters.
Starting with the many positive things, places like Forest of Sand and the High Haven really brought me a sense of adventure, providing us with new, memorable places to the LBT universe. The complex relationships between the three main characters are mostly very decent and their meeting with Cera and Chomper is just great. I really found characters like Lyko, Rachi and Rear/Still well-written and supporting the plot very well. In addition to those points, the high quality of writing and pacing help this story stand out. This is the fic farthest from the "actual LBT" but you've really created a believable extension to that world.
I must admit, I found Zaura extremely annoying at first but she has grown a lot on me since. One other worry I have with the fic is the premise of Rainbowfaces taking over the Valley. Thus far it's okay but I'm a bit concerned of what they'll find there... I'd like to point out the handling of Ruby in the last chapters. In the flashback, Ruby just left the Valley without telling anyone except Chomper? And Cera doesn't really care what happened to her? It's just a minor detail but I found that quite disturbing.
I'd really like to give this story full 10 but I'm still reserving that spot for The Seven Hunters. To Tread Upon Fields Afar is an awesome story and adventure and it holds much promise in the future as well. I truly cannot foresee which path the story will take and I'm eager to find out what will happen in the Scar.
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Righto, I'm here in the studio with a cup of hot chocolate, "John Denver and the Muppets'" Christmas album blaring at me, a catnip-crazed kitten clawing at my blanket (far too comfortable to do without at this point), and some leftover turkey in the fridge with my name on it. All that's missing is the eggnog. I am in a festive spirit, so let's get not one, but TWO reviews done today!
Name of Fanfiction: Shorty's Dark Past
Rating: 7/10
Review: I'll start with the one I read first, so I don't get too rusty. I think the story of this particular fanfiction has promise, but there are areas where it started to lose me. I've mentioned this before, but thoughts can often speak louder than words, especially in writing. Something I feel this fic really needed more of was a focus on each character's internal struggles- especially Shorty. The little Longneck does horrendous things, and he reveals some of his motivations aloud to Bron and others on numerous occasions, but talking about how he's feeling doesn't quite hold as much weight as giving the reader the chance to see how Shorty mentally justifies what he does. I can understand the need for secrecy, to keep certain plot points hidden until later, when they'll have more impact, but I do think Shorty's motivations could have been explored a little earlier. Another issue I noted, as before, was the large amount of dialogue with very little action to break it up. This can have the effect of losing the reader- not just in the storytelling sense, but in the visual sense as well. Seeing multiple one-line paragraphs is tiring on the eyes, and unfortunately it really doesn't help the story flow all that well.
With that being said, there were also aspects I did enjoy. The overall premise was quite solid, and you did a good job fleshing out characters that the film series never really touched on. In some cases, like Shorty's certain character aspects were taken to the extreme, but in the context of this story, I think that's fine. The way the story was integrated into actual canon was also quite clever, focusing on what happened between the scenes of TLBT X, and expanding on some of the movie's briefer scenes.
In conclusion, I would say- remember that showing is just as important- if not more so- than telling, remember to vary format, and honestly- perhaps look back on "Freeze" as the story moves forward for inspiration. In my opinion, it's an outstanding fic, and features elements that this one could definitely benefit from. This story has potential, but it needs a bit of work before I can rate it at "Freeze's" level. Please don't take this criticism the wrong way. I just know this story can be improved, and I look forward to seeing what'll happen if it does!
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And we continue moving on! Without further ado, let's knock out our next entry! I wish that phrase wasn't so trivial-sounding, because this next fic had a pretty significant impact on me, and a good one at that. Let's dive into it!
Name of Fanfiction: The Swimmer Trials
Rating: 9/10
Review: Truthfully, I regret not picking this story up sooner. As some of my closer friends can tell you, I'm a total sucker for anything that expands upon dinosaur culture. It's an aspect of worldbuilding that I just LOVE. By giving Ducky's kind a ritual that actually DOES something (selects a new leader), you've added something entirely plausible to a race largely forgotten by the series. But I digress. Let's get this thing started!
My first criticism is on something that isn't even in the story at all: the description:
The story is like The Day of the Flyers except for Swimmers, the story goes that Ducky is chosen for a certain trial no one has ever survived and is about what happens in the lead up and on the day of this big event and the aftermath
Honestly, this could reel in far more readers if this description had a rework. It just doesn't match the quality of the writing within. Saying it's like the Day of Flyers (but not) kind of discredits the original work the story puts forth, and telling readers that the story is about what happens, the leadup, and the aftermath is a little unnecessary. They know that that's what to expect. Hook 'em in! Suspenseful writing is what reels in readers. Leave 'em with some open-ended questions that they can only answer by giving it a read. This description could be so much more exciting.
However, I'm not taking points off. After all, this is not a description-writing review board.
The meat of this tale lies behind that description, and it is a fine meat indeed- a medium-well steak just a tad on the rare side. That description makes no sense, of course, unless you knew that I prefer crispier medium-well dishes. Now you know, though, so... okay. We're on the same page. As I said before, the content is much more original than the description states. You have a good deal of very interesting, fleshed-out original characters. Sawyer, Ruphus, and Cyrest are just a few. I see individual motivations, desires, fears, you name it within all of them, and their "screen time," so to speak, is mostly for significant reasons. I do feel some of the cutbacks to the goings-on in the Great Valley were a tad unnecessary, but they were at least well-written. The story of the Trials themselves, the dialogue, the action breaks- all of those were engaging and interesting. This is the longest I've spent reading a single story in a long while, and that's because the author does a fantastic job keeping up tension between chapters with mostly subtle cliffhangers. I can't stress enough how important subtlety can be in a story of this length, and mostly, I saw it at play here. Even Ducky's dream sequences- parts that are VERY hard to explain for a character that hasn't displayed tendencies like this before- were done tastefully, and in a way that made sense. Sawyer was a huge plus here, filling in a "ghost story" narrative that was actually quite touching.
But for all its greatness, there were some things that held the story back, primarily its villain. Don't get me wrong- I HATED Sculra, as I know I was expected to, but there were points where she felt more like a moustache-twirling villain rather than a complex antagonist. For example, her motivation- she's jealous, yes, but it's probably a very deep-rooted jealousy if she's willing to indirectly kill over it. Unfortunately, it's never really explained why she decided to resort to the extremes she does, and aside from the aforementioned jealousy, we have no idea how she became truly evil. We know she was a bully early on, but it's hard to justify characters who are bad guys "just because." Additionally, where does her power come from? One of the hardest selling points for me was that Sculra was one dinosaur. It's never mentioned who's loyal to her, or why. Supposedly she has some power within the herd, but that power is never really shown or exercised, other than the occasional mention that the Trials must go on because Sculra said so. Even when the Valley is aware of what she really is, the Trials are not called off. It is an admittedly weak point in the story, and I think it deserves a little more attention. One other aspect, while more of a personal one, was the abundance of toilet humor. I thought most of the humor in this story was pretty good, but there's a certain audience for toilet humor, and unfortunately I do not fall under that umbrella. It's not that toilet humor is bad, but for readers like me who aren't overly interested in it, the frequency with which toilet situations comes up is a little distracting.
But that's about it. This fic has earned another reader, and I can honestly say I'll be watching this one as it concludes (something it looks like it will do soon). Some characters could use some more attention, but overall this is a great, engaging long story. Well done!
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I might as well vote on at least one fanfiction while I have the time to do so today.
Name of Fanfiction: Songs of the Hunters
Rating: 10/10
Review: First off, I'd like to point out that it's been a while since I read this, and I just don't have the time to skim through it again, so I'll try my best to remember what I can.
The original story, The Seven Hunters, was definitely among the best LBT fanfictions I've ever read, and this sequel is an excellent continuation of it. First of all, we see not only the next generation, but also flashbacks (in the form of traditional songs, hence the name of the story) explaining the key events that took place between the end of the previous story and the beginning of this story.
Even though we have a new generation of characters, it seems some things will never change, such as how a certain group of kids always tends to go wandering in places where they shouldn't be. This time, this applies to both the Great Valley kids and the kids of the seven hunters pack, and when they unintentionally cross paths, it almost leads to a complete disaster for the adults on both sides (thus perfectly demonstrating why the seven hunters pack had chosen to leave the Great Valley and never go anywhere close to it ever again).
Among the next generation characters, I particularly like the unlikely friendship between Biter (son of Littlefoot and Ruby) and Datum (son of the two Rainbowfaces). They are both rather intelligent, which I think not only helped them understand each other enough to become friends, but also means they are both well aware of why they needed to keep such a friendship a secret from everyone, especially their respective families.
Finally, just like in the previous story, I especially liked how there were minor details demonstrating how this particular pack of fastbiters, unlike all the others, is capable of developing some of the most primitive forms of technology. Not only are there sharp stick spears and vine armor, but also the concept of a communal nest shown in one of the last flashbacks. It really does make me excited to see where this series can go next.
With all of that in mind, I shall give this story the same rating I gave the previous story last year, a perfect 10. I'll certainly be looking forward to voting on Mender's Tale next year (which I'm hoping will be completed by then).
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Name of fanfiction: Mender's Tale
Rating: 9/10
Review: This is a very decent continuation to the Seven Hunters continuity. The quality of writing and handling of characters are as great as before but I find it suffering from a somewhat slow plot. That is at times quite tangible but thus far the fic has managed to stay interesting and continually expanding the writer's take on LBT universe.
I'm saying this: with a less capable writer and worse new characters, this wouldn't have worked. However, Mender/Violet's pack has been an extremely interesting addition to the already impressive number of new characters in the Hunters series. The slight problem I have with this story is that it mostly lacks the grand, emotionally thralling narrative of the original story. As I said, the great dialogues and the clever plot twists are still there but the phenomenal grip on the reader is not.
But as my rating shows, this is still an awesome story. Dodger's pack works very well and the fic has managed to make them more complex and interesting few stories or even actual books can. Also, the realistic handling of the fastbiter culture is really impressive. Especially the two "Conflicts, civil and otherwise chapters" were unbelievably well done, simultaneously managing to build tension, great interactions between the characters and even tending in depth to each character's individual thoughts. That's some really great stuff.
That being said, I still enjoy the new continuity you've created inside the LBT. Mender's Tale is a worthy addition to the two other stories. Thus far, not counting some slower scenes (like the early Arial-Nahoda parts and the last chapter) this story has been additional proof of the writer's abilities in writing, this time with creating new aspects in the Pack's relationship with each other and other packs. It could have been a bore with worse writing but it surely isn't. I'm sure the story's future will be just as great.
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Name of fanfiction: Songs of the Hunters
Rating: 7.5/10
Review: I find this story very hard to rate correctly. It expands the Hunters series greatly but if it were a solitary story, it wouldn't work that well. The overall premise of showing us the Pack's future and its handling are nice but, in the end, I find this fic lacking the substance of the original.
The ending is a good example. The events leading to it were created very cleverly, building a very complex situation based on misunderstandings and mistrust. However, I found the resolution to it a bit lackluster. I thought the situation was sure to escalate further and the peaceful resolution was quite a surprise. Much of the later story was dedicated to building the scene which eventually produced no changes to the Pack's status quo. Likewise, Biter and Datum's friendship was greatly written and the characters were fleshed out but in the end it just seemed a bit hollow, producing the same result as with Littlefoot and Shorty.
I enjoyed most of the aspects in the story. The flashbacks were interesting (struggling with instincts can be a hard battle) and the Pack's interaction with their children funny. The meeting of Littlefoot and his sister was done well and Sauria's gang brought a welcome aspect to the Pack's lives. It was nice to see what the future would bring to them as was the introduction of their offspring.
This was a decent addition to the Seven Hunters continuity but not something that matches the depth of the original or Mender's Tale. The writer clearly had great ideas for this story and he managed to build them as well as ever but the resolutions and meanings of the many plots robbed the story of some of its impact. Thus far I'm happy to see that many of the problems that were present in the Songs of the Hunters have been corrected in the Mender's Tale.
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Name of fanfiction: Shorty's Dark Past
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: It was a very good idea to recover the highly wasted potential of LBT 10. The premise of the film (and thus the story) is a great one but whereas the film went only for a decent direction, this story shows the film mostly as it should have been. This version of the film's story is supreme in every way, greatly deepening its conflicts and characters.
I really like the depth of the character interactions in this fic. Actually, the plot isn't all that complex but the relationships between the characters carry the story nicely. The writer has caught their emotions, pasts and thoughts spot-on and their motivations and conflicts are clear. Shorty's handling is probably my favorite thing here as even with Cho's beating and aftermath, I couldn't really blame him even if the deed was inexcusable. I always admire scenes where the writer doesn't really tell the reader to hate the "villain" even when things aren't going that well.
This story is excellent as a whole but there isn't any single scenes or characters that really stand out. The fic is a solid, very enjoyable story but there aren't any single aspects to this story that really help the fic take the final step to being truly awesome. Also, I'm still not sure whether I think that the Littlefoot/Ali pairing is truly needed.
Shorty's Dark Past shows that what the LBT films could be with reasonable changes. It is a great fic on its own right but it also shows that the plots in themselves don't have to be that dramatic or complex to create a solid, enjoyable story. I'll look forward to seeing how Shorty will begin to redeem himself and how you plan to fix the film's ending.
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Name of fanfiction: LBT: The Musical
Rating: 7/10
Review: This was mostly a good read. It had a pretty generic beginning but it soon went it's own path. The idea of a musical-style story was a nice one, giving more focus on the dialogue and the quickly progressing events.
This story managed to put a lot of ideas to a rather short length. The premise of a Littlefoot-Cera rift was a realistic one, making you think whether there would indeed be a kind of power struggle in the Valley's future. Also, the red treestars actually being drugs... that was pretty hilarious.
On the downside, this is a pretty brief story and doesn't really establish grand scenes which resonate within me for weeks or months to come. Sharptooth's comeback wasn't an idea I would have opted to and politics isn't my favorite aspect in LBT.
It's more than an ok story but it isn't something that creates long-term emotions within me. The themes worked well and provided a welcome, new perspective into Cera-Littlefoot relationship. It was fun to read, using a new format of telling in LBT fanfics. While I cannot rate it in the same category as the best stories, I'm always happy to read new, well-thought out and nicely-written LBT stories.
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Name of fanfiction: LBT The Musical
Rating: 8/10
Review: This story always left me wondering what was going to happen next. I also liked how you managed to keep the characters in character. Each chapter I read always left me sitting on the edge of my seat.
Nice job editing the lyrics to some of the songs so that they fit the plot. I also liked the scenes where Grandma and Grandpa Longneck interact with just each other.
When I first read the summary, I was hooked. I was kind of sad to see that Grandpa's illness had come back in this story; but, glad that he got better in the end. The format of the story was pleasant to read and a nice change from the usual story format.
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Name of fanfiction: The Dreadful Time of Great Growing
Rating: 7/10
Review: This was a rather funny take on the subject of Gang growing up. You handled their changed personalities believably (like Littlefoot's newfound laziness) while still attaching new viewpoints to them. The plot thus far has been pretty simple but the lesson is a good way to introduce the "new" Gang. It is an interesting idea to to tell more about Mr. Thicknose's past and the scene was an enjoyable one. The dialogue worked very well and the story's beginning has been definitely a funny read. The story has the potential to be a very good one but for now, there isn't much more to say. I'll definitely keep on reading if this story continues.
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Name of fanfiction: Freeze
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: Scenes like the ones in Freeze are something that I'd really like to see in the films. Stories like these would bring lots of new depth into the plots as well as the characterizations as a whole. Ducky's internal struggles caused by Spike's departure were addressed in the film but it's almost sad how much better you do it.
Ducky's reflection on her and Spike's relationship starts the story nicely. Of course this is harder to show in the film but I think it should be addressed to build the emotional depth that the Big Freeze needed but mostly missed. I absolutely love the way you describe the weather and snowfall: it really creates the correct atmosphere.
The scene between Ducky and Petrie was written very well and a scene like this should have definitely been in the film. Ducky's reaction worked nicely and showed the depth of her sorrow. Petrie's part was also done well: their interaction was a great one. However, I think Ducky's outburst went rather far. It's clear that she wanted Spike to return but I'd say her reaction was a bit exaggerated.
The ending was another thing that lowered my rating. It was a rather convenient one. It wasn't too bad but I found it too unlikely to give the ending a great rating. As for whole story, it was a great short story. The emotions, the interactions and the description created a very good combination, something that the Big Freeze should have established. This is what the LBT sequels need to bring them close to the level of the original.
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Due to the requests of several members, and due to the special circumstance that many of the fics this year are quite lengthy, I have decided to extend voting on the fanfiction awards by 2 weeks. The new deadline is 11:59 pm forum time on December 24.
I hope that this allows those of you who were planning on rating all of the fics enough time to do so. I know that this time of year can be difficult with regards to time due to final exams and Christmas obligations.
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Much appreciated! As a token of my gratitude, please! Have this review :smile
Name of Fanfiction Songs of the Hunters
Rating:9.8/10
Review: First off, rather than tying this story to "The Seven Hunters," I will be reviewing it as its own piece. The only commonality I will take for granted will be the world set up by "Seven," which obviously "Songs" relies on. Anyway, enough jibber-jabber. Let's dig in.
I really liked the format the author uses for this tale. Instead of a traditional, linear story, most of it is told in flashback. The use of this technique really puts the reader into the eyes of the Hunters' children, who are the real stars of this show, and helps to provide a sense of progression from the story we knew (there I go, breaking my own rule about referencing "Seven"). Additionally, I felt that many aspects of instinct and behavior were actually done extremely well. Things like the "second sniffer," and the courting aspects of Pterosaurs prove that the author did some research here, which is something I particularly like. The dialogue feels natural, onomatopoeia problems I mentioned previously were addressed, and the characters feel pretty unique, which is quite an accomplishment, given that there are a TON of them.
Which brings me to the criticism. The kids are a big part of this story only because of the segments that exist in the present day; unfortunately, this part kind of clashes with the story's overall "slice of life" narrative (I almost typed "slice of lice," what is wrong with me?). Without getting too much in detail, things escalate very quickly to a level that seems a bit extravagant for a story which is ultimately about teaching lessons to the next generation. As these events happened, I felt the focus kind of shift away from the flashbacks, and as a result, the story's climax falls upon the events in the present day, which provide a clear and present danger, rather than the flashbacks, which I knew would resolve one way or another. The time of Loss is an extremely emotional part, but unfortunately it's somewhat overshadowed by a confrontation that feels more at home in "Seven" than Songs (DANGIT. AGAIN!) . Mender's inclusion at the end, while obviously useful for setting up "Mender's Tale," felt like it was supposed to carry some significance as well, but it ended up feeling a little more like a post-credits scene than anything else. If Mender's Tale had come first, I feel her appearance would have had a little more impact, with the readers getting to meet an old, familiar face, but as it stands, it kind of begs the question: "cool! So... who are you?"
But try not to take that the wrong way. Despite my paragraph of criticisms, the story only lost .2 points, making it the highest-rated story I've done this year. It is a solid standalone tale, but because it tends to lose focus toward the end, it lands just shy of flawless. Excellent writing, excellent characters and development, and a well-paced plot make this a recommended read in my book. This one's a keeper. I look forward to discovering the story of our dear Mender next!
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It took awhile, but I have finally caught up on all of the entries for this year. I have tried to avoid spoilers in my reviews for this year while still giving some explanation for my reasoning. Overall, I must say that this year's entries have made me feel optimistic for the state of fanfiction in the LBT fandom. Though each entry had its own strengths and weaknesses, I could not find a single entry that I was not motivated to finish reading. This is a testament to the drive of this year's participants, and I look forward to reading each of your future endeavors. :)
Name of Fanfiction: The Swimmer Trials
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: After reading this story I must say that my thoughts pretty much echo what others have said up until now. This is a story that is promising in its overall plot and that shows a steady improvement in pacing throughout, but is not without a few faults which prevent me from giving a higher rating.
First let’s get to the story’s strengths. The overall plot shines and greatly succeeds in making me feel for the characters. One can truly feel for Ducky’s plight as she is confronted with impending doom, with her mother as she confronts what she is willing to lose to save her daughter, and with the reactions of Ducky’s friends and allies. Likewise, the pacing of the narrative avoids the common pitfalls of speeding through plot points, and instead allows time for these relationships to be elaborated upon and for the emotional impact of events to fully be felt. Ultimately being able to feel for the characters and to have an engaging storyline is what makes or breaks a story, and The Lone Dragon certainly has succeeded in this most important aspect.
What prevents me from giving a higher rating, however, are three aspects that others have also pointed out: the repetition of plot points, the use of excessive potty humor, and Sculra’s motivations not being relatable in my opinion. Now sometimes the repetition of plot points can be useful in a narrative; for example, when the same event is seen from two fundamentally different perspectives in order to show those perspectives. But many times in this story the same events are related to the reader multiple times, which can make the pacing lag somewhat. Simply doing a jump cut when the same events are being relayed by a character would have addressed some of this. As for Sculra I feel that her ability to carry out her plans (her power base, if you will) was not related in a believable way to the reader. It seems to me that any other herd would simply disown her and say "to hell with this tradition." If there was some kind of quasi-religious meaning to the ritual that the rest of the herd believed in (as in it had to be done lest disaster fall upon the herd) then it might make sense, but it does not feel explained enough in the story, in my opinion.
Overall, however, when everything is taken into consideration I feel that this is a strong story. It has the emotional impact of a good story and it has a very good story line. It certainly is a story that has motivated me to continue following its narrative. :)
Name of Fanfiction: To Tread Upon Fields Afar
Rating: 10/10
Review: Before I begin my review I think it is important that I give some context. Fyn’s previous stories weresome of the things that motivated me to get back into the fandom years ago. With the intense focus on the inner perspectives of the characters, the interesting conflicts that come with differences of perspective, and the great writing that could only come from a skilled author, Fyn’s stories were always a treat to read. And I am pleased to see that he certainly has not lost his touch over the years. In fact, I must say that much improvement is quite evident in his latest story. :)
In a very different continuity of his Fyn narrative he has turned the focus from Fyn meeting and befriending the gang after the migration of his herd… to something much different and, dare I say, much darker. In this tale nothing is as it first seems and though I want to avoid giving any spoilers in this review, let’s just say that his meeting with some of the ëgang’ is not like what happened in the first continuity. (If you have read the story then you know this is the understatement of the century.)
An additional treat in this story is the additional focus on the sharptooth angle. This is something that I do not remember being part of the original Fyn continuity, but it is a welcome addition. As one begins to see the different perspectives of the sharptooth characters and the intense loneliness that can come from loss (in one case) or never having companionship (in the other case) one truly begins to feel for them. The obvious chasm between the leaf-eaters and the predators is also a nice touch. In one case (once again, avoiding spoliers) it took an entire lifetime of regret for one leaf-eater to understand their friend, whereas in another case the ability of the others to see his perspective has yet to be settled. When it is settled I sense it will be an emotional rollercoaster.
Which brings me to the last point, and the one that is truly where this story shines: the emotional impact. More so than any other story I have read in the last year, this story has proven to be the one that never failed to strike at my emotions. From loss… to despair… to joy… to confusion… this story has it all. It is seldom that I read a fanfiction where every other chapter I just want to reach through the screen and give one of the characters a hug. This is truly a testament to your skills as an author Fyn. And dare I say this is easily your best work yet.
For all of the reasons I have mentioned I do not hesitate to give this story the highest ranking possible. I encourage all fans of the Land Before Time to give it a read. You will not regret it.
Name of Fanfiction: Shorty’s Dark Past
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: This story is without a doubt where Ducky’s writing began to blossom into that of a more skilled writer. In this story Ducky has decided to take the overall plot of the tenth film and to create something truly unique with the narrative. Instead of the disappointing plot holes in that film, here we get a truly engrossing tale of a damaged longneck (Shorty) trying to find his way in an uncaring world and taking out many of his frustrations on others. With the intersection of a female his age (Ali) who has gone through her own trauma, and of his caregiver’s long-lost son (Littlefoot) we have a meet up of very different perspectives and understandings. The addition of figures from Shorty’s past can only bode further misunderstandings and heartache in the future, I fear. It has yet to be seen if Shorty will, as he did in the tenth film, find the empathy he needs (both in himself and in others) in order to develop in a less self-destructive path.
Corrected in this story are many of the minor errors that were seen in his earliest work, namely grammatical errors and spelling errors are less frequent. This is a testament to how Ducky has improved in his command of the English language, especially as it relates to creative writing. Additionally the improved use of pacing is clearly on display here. The work, despite going into detail on the motivations and thoughts of the characters, does not seem to drag. In fact, the author has specifically considered this and has moved some of the more intensive dialogue about the past into a separate work so as not to ruin the pacing. This goes to show how far Ducky has gone as an author, and though this story is not without its faults (Shorty’s motivations could certainly be elaborated upon more in the earlier chapters), I trust we will see continued excellence as the story continues. :)
Name of Fanfiction: Freeze
Rating: 9.5/10
Review: Goodness! How did I not see this story when it was first posted?:confused
This was a lovely short story based upon a slight AU of the events of the Big Freeze. In succeeded in capturing the conflicted emotions of Ducky and building upon the friendship between her and Petrie and, of course, the relationship between her and Spike. The fact that he, despite not being brave by nature, decided to stick with his friend even when she demanded otherwise and shouted abuse at him (and worse) is a testament to the feelings that they share. The only thing that really prevented this story from earning the highest score was the lack of elaboration on some of the details about the scenes. This is something that could be expanded upon to further allow the reader to feel more like they were actually in the scene. But overall this is an absolutely excellent short story when it comes to characterization and emotional impact, and that is where it truly counts. I think this is easily your best work to date.:)
Name of Fanfiction: The Dreadful Time of Great Growing
Rating: 7.5/10
Review: I have already reviewed the first two chapters of this story on its page, but ultimately I think my previous reviews adequately cover my thoughts. Thus far the story has a healthy amount of humor as the characters begin to deal with their hormones, growing knowledge of the world around them, and the struggles that come with growing up. There are, however, two reasons why I cannot yet give it a higher score. First, I do not feel that there is enough of a narrative as of yet for me to get an idea of the overall plot of the story and to judge the work at a deeper level. And secondly there is a noticeable lack of description about what is going on in the scenery and background and, due to this, the long periods of dialogue sometimes take me out of the story. Further elaboration on the details to break up the dialogue would assist in making the story flow better and to keep readers engaged in the narrative. That being said, it is certainly off to a promising start and I look forward to seeing how the story develops in the future.
Name of Fanfiction: LBT: The Musical
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: What LettuceBacon&Tomato has done with his story is something quite unique. He has used some of the plot points of the general films (generic disaster, typical lines from the characters, songs, etc.), as well as some new plot points (drug use) and placed them in a context that does not make them seem so generic or out of place in an LBT work - a play. In so doing he also allows us, in a different way than in some of the films, to see deeper into some of the deeper motivations of the characters. So going into this story it is best to visualize the narrative as if - as the title indicates - it is being acted as a stage play. This is how I imagined the entire production as I read it and I think it is the best way to get the full effect of the work.
First, let’s talk about the strengths of this work. The humor in the story is quite strong due to the playful manner in which the author exaggerates the word choices of the characters, for example by having Grandpa Longneck be overly formal (“Mr. Threehorn, we cannot act before we know what is needed to act upon! We must be patient!”) and Topps being, well, Topps (or so we think), but with the addition of modern anachronisms (“No! We can’t waste time taking records and figuring out damage assessments, we need to act now!”). This is in keeping with how many plays would incorporate humor into a modern retelling of a historical event, by not taking it too seriously. Though I am left wondering how the actor playing Spike would act out his lines in parenthesis. :lol
Secondly, the attention to detail in the actual staging and lighting decisions that would be made in a stage play (lights showing a character, a scene blacking out, a character exiting to the left of the stage, etc.) greatly assists in visualizing the work as if it were a play being acted before an audience. This is further expanded upon by the exaggerated movements and word choices, as I previously mentioned, of the characters. Thus, just as in a play, the somewhat stylizedmovements, words, and well-placed music highlight emotions and details which otherwise would be lost when viewing a stage play from a distance.
Finally, the story itself is quite solid. The motivations of the characters, and their personalities, are quite easy to follow and understandable within the context of the play. The way in which Mr. Threehorn plays on Cera’s pride and honor to manipulate her to carry out his deed… the love of Grandma and Grandpa Longneck as expressed when he reveals that his sickness is a chronic one… and the motivation of Sharptooth who seeks revenge for his humiliation. It all rings as sincere even though many of the scenes have elements that show humor and playfulness.
All that being said, this work, like any other, is not without its faults. Though, in this play’s defense, there were only two issues that stood out as I read it. Later in the play the stage directions seem to show up less and less detail between larger blocks of dialogue, which I must admit did detract somewhat from the visualization of the play in my mind. I think some further elaboration of the stage directions and the little improvisations that the actors make would have added some character to the overall work. Secondly, perhaps it was due to the use of humorous elements in the story, but the emotional turmoil of the characters sometimes seemed to fall flatter than was intended. Though, in fairness to the author and this work, this is something that I often feel with musicals and stage plays - so it might be by own stylistic preferences skewing my view of the emotional impact of some of the scenes.But, overall, these were minor issues in my general impressions of the work.
With its interesting use of narrative device, its mixed use of humor and serious subject matter, and interesting take on the inner motivations of our favorite characters, I do not hesitate giving it a 8.5/10.
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So here's my dilemma: I haven't read the prequels to Rhombus' fanfics, and from what I've read of the two submitted stories, they rely heavily on pre-existing lore and star loads of new characters without reintroductions. I had to create a flowchart to figure out who was married to/child of who. So I'm not sure if I'm qualified to leave a review except to talk about diction and writing quality, which is incredibly strong so there's not much to say on that topic. Coupled with the author mentioning that he'd rather not receive a review if it doesn't incorporate a reading of the prequel fics, I'm not sure if I'll be able to cover those two fics. So for now, my final review might be for Shorty's Dark Past as I've seen the 10th movie and that one TV episode.
Name of fanfiction: Shorty's Dark Past
Rating: 9/10
Review: I'm not gonna lie, I was scared of the immense length of Shorty's Dark Past, and it's the primary reason I took so long to get to it. Also I personally don't like Shorty the canon character, so I wasn't particularly enthused by the subject matter, but that turned out to be a positive because it gave the fanfic a chance to impress me. The author has turned Shorty into a far more dynamic and three-dimensional protagonist than he ever was in the actual movie, and that can be said for every character who appears in the fanfic except perhaps Littlefoot. I enjoyed the level of intrigue surrounding the loyalties the main characters held, especially in regards to Shorty's nebulous motivations which are repeatedly withheld from both the reader and the other characters. Normally that'd bug me, but the author repeatedly makes the mystery 'pay off' further down the line when Chekov's Guns (honestly usually Chekov's actions) come back into play. This is a fic that really sells itself on character relationships. That being said, I feel like more work could be done on the actual conflict, the setting, and basically anything that isn't the characters, their thoughts, their backstories. There were times when I wasn't sure whether the vagueness was unintentional or due to the author saving for a big reveal.
All in all, it's definitely my favorite of the fics Ducky submitted this year, and none of the criticisms in this review were enough to stop me from reading the whole thing over the course of the last two weeks. If I had to pick my favorite aspect, the biggest victory of the fic is definitely Shorty's character. Byronic Shorty >>> Canon Shorty
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I've done it.
After weeks of poring over pages and pages of this sites' writers' finest works, I have reached the end- the last fanfic. Mender's Tale. And through it all, up to this point, I've seen everything .
I've written the fire-torn death of a paradise, and the journey for the last vestiges of hope in a shattered world.
I've seen the machinations of elders, and the corrupting power of that which we do not understand. A valley divided in the shadow of an old enemy.
I've seen waters red with roiling clouds of blood, the face of a swimmer reflected in them, looking towards an uncertain future, and a perilous challenge.
I have seen the tolls a harsh and unforgiving Beyond takes on a young one, and the twisted, nightmarish experience it creates, yet also the spark of forgiveness that remains within a tortured soul, refusing to be extinguished.
I have watched friends cling to one another, and those they care about, under the onset of strange, new developments, as they try to understand their very selves.
I have weathered the cold, traveled through the numbing, tearing winds of the Cold Times, following the vague promise of a friend's return.
I have observed as a close band of friends finds themselves united, then separated, then united again as the overwhelming power of companionship triumphs even over instinct, and watched a gang of seven flourish in a strange, new world.
And finally, I have seen the beginnings of a humble healer, a rarity. One whose claws are blessed with the gift of life, but also the power to take it away.
This is her review. Mender's review. The last of this season's tales.
Let's friggin' do this.
Name of Fanfiction: Mender's Tale
Rating: 10/10!
Review: My previous ramblings aside, I found Mender's tale to not only be an enjoyable and engaging read, but also a logical evolution of the author's writing prowess, especially in regards to the slice of life genre. There are a multitude of reasons this writing achieves a perfect score, and I intend to cover them, but first- let me also state that I'm quite aware that my review score stands in a bit of contrast compared to those of others this year. I intend to justify and stand by this score, by explaining how this fanfic fits excellently into its genre of choice, what makes it great, and where the authors need some work.
So I suppose, then, it's just another review.
In my opinion, a Slice of Life fanfic needs three things to make it an engaging and worthwhile read:
1. First and foremost, it needs to worldbuild. The entire point of a slice of life tale is to show what's going on while potentially earth-shattering threats are not occurring. To me, that's what makes them so interesting. They need to bring an already established world even more into focus.
2. It should expand upon existing characters' motivations and stories, as well as introduce any new characters who might appear later, but had no reason to appear beforehand.
3. Finally, it should still have a thematic focus. Without some sort of central idea or goal, there's no reason for the reader to continue on reading. It just becomes a dinosaur day journal.
Mender's Tale follows these three criteria rather effectively, continuing to worldbuild by filling timeline and character gaps left by Songs of the Hunters, establishing new characters, then throwing those new characters into complex and often confrontational relationships with well-known characters, and setting up some nice themes, namely family, friendship, and what happens when those two come into conflict with one another.
Starting with the setting, then, Mender's Tale takes place between two locales in two separate times, without getting into specifics, utilizing the flashback technique to tell the bulk of the narrative while also developing a story in its present day setting. This is similar, if not the same as the technique the author used in Songs of the Hunters, but I feel it was executed more effectively here. The modern conflict has weight to it, but does not overshadow the flashbacks, which seem to be the story's focal point. I found the characters in both timeframes to be well-written, and was quite pleased to see that the new characters had identifiable and unique qualities. For a universe which already has many characters, for the author to come up with new ones that feel unique is a considerable challenge, but Rhombus and Historian make it work, to say the least. I particularly like the new character that was introduced in the modern segment. Without getting into too much detail again, he fills an interesting role in the narrative, and I look forward to seeing just what his future entails. These new characters naturally come into contact with the "Hunters," a group that Rhombus's readers should be quite familiar with by now, and while many tensions are currently unresolved, it's these tensions and findings of common ground that make the aforementioned themes really apparent to the reader, and that's an excellent thing!
It might be said that the story's slow, and I'd admit that. Such is the case for most slice of life stories, really, and the fact of that matter is- that's okay. Stories can be slow. Grapes of Wrath, by Steinbeck, is one of the best tales I know, but I'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't consider it a slow read at times. It's also incomplete, but again- that doesn't deem it unworthy of a good score. Quality is vastly more important than quality, and this story manages to weave an excellent narrative with fun dialogue, a good atmosphere, and just enough dark subjects to make it an intriguing, empathetic read without hitting the reader over the head with a balloon filled with the tears of small Gallimimuses. Perhaps one of its greatest triumphs is that it also overcomes the problems generally associated with co-writing a story. I don't know how they did it, but Rhombus and Historian have managed to create a narrative voice that feels like that of just one person. Transitions between the writers were so seamless that I actually had to ask the author which parts were written by whom. This is a rare, but outstanding quality for a tale with two authors, and it should not be overlooked.
And that's the meat of it. This story earns a 10/10 not because it is another improvement on a forumla (though it is), or because it overcomes numerous challenges (which it does). It's simply a good story. It doesn't provide a big, epic conflict because it doesn't need to. Its depiction of the lives of the little guys, trying to work around an sudden an unexpected turn in their day to day experiences, is enough for me. Due to its slower pace, I could see why others may not have flocked to this work to the degree that they did for the author's other stories, but I feel that this piece is just as deserving as its predecessors of recognition. Truly a fun and engaging tale, and a must-read for anyone wanting a story that goes a bit deeper than the superficial "big bad makes trouble for good guys" formula.
What a way to finish off this year's fanfic awards! It's late now, and I'm hungry, so with that, I conclude my reviews for 2016. I've read every piece, followed each on its own unique journey, and reviewed them as best I can. Now, I sit back, I watch my new subscriptions, I wait for new developments, and I continue to write my own adventures. I can't wait to do this again next year.
(All of) yours truly,
Fyn16 (Miles)
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I've done it.
After weeks of poring over pages and pages of this sites' writers' finest works, I have reached the end- the last fanfic. Mender's Tale. And through it all, up to this point, I've seen everything .
I've written the fire-torn death of a paradise, and the journey for the last vestiges of hope in a shattered world.
I've seen the machinations of elders, and the corrupting power of that which we do not understand. A valley divided in the shadow of an old enemy.
I've seen waters red with roiling clouds of blood, the face of a swimmer reflected in them, looking towards an uncertain future, and a perilous challenge.
I have seen the tolls a harsh and unforgiving Beyond takes on a young one, and the twisted, nightmarish experience it creates, yet also the spark of forgiveness that remains within a tortured soul, refusing to be extinguished.
I have watched friends cling to one another, and those they care about, under the onset of strange, new developments, as they try to understand their very selves.
I have weathered the cold, traveled through the numbing, tearing winds of the Cold Times, following the vague promise of a friend's return.
I have observed as a close band of friends finds themselves united, then separated, then united again as the overwhelming power of companionship triumphs even over instinct, and watched a gang of seven flourish in a strange, new world.
And finally, I have seen the beginnings of a humble healer, a rarity. One whose claws are blessed with the gift of life, but also the power to take it away.
How are you so awesome?
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I've done it.
After weeks of poring over pages and pages of this sites' writers' finest works, I have reached the end- the last fanfic. Mender's Tale. And through it all, up to this point, I've seen everything .
I've written the fire-torn death of a paradise, and the journey for the last vestiges of hope in a shattered world.
I've seen the machinations of elders, and the corrupting power of that which we do not understand. A valley divided in the shadow of an old enemy.
I've seen waters red with roiling clouds of blood, the face of a swimmer reflected in them, looking towards an uncertain future, and a perilous challenge.
I have seen the tolls a harsh and unforgiving Beyond takes on a young one, and the twisted, nightmarish experience it creates, yet also the spark of forgiveness that remains within a tortured soul, refusing to be extinguished.
I have watched friends cling to one another, and those they care about, under the onset of strange, new developments, as they try to understand their very selves.
I have weathered the cold, traveled through the numbing, tearing winds of the Cold Times, following the vague promise of a friend's return.
I have observed as a close band of friends finds themselves united, then separated, then united again as the overwhelming power of companionship triumphs even over instinct, and watched a gang of seven flourish in a strange, new world.
And finally, I have seen the beginnings of a humble healer, a rarity. One whose claws are blessed with the gift of life, but also the power to take it away.
How are you so awesome?
...An apple a day? :lol
I try!
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[Can somebody please take that emoticon limit away, it's causing me to make unnecessary double posts :bang]
I still haven't managed to read Fyn's story, unfortunately :( However, in a last minute's resort, I've managed to finally read LB&T's awesome drama at least so that should give me enough fics to vote for to be eligible? I'll make up for that, Fyn, with extra lengthy reviews once I get around to it, I promise!
Anyway, voting time!
Name of fanfiction: LBT The Musical
Rating: 8/10
Review: Well, what could I say to summarise all of this?
First of all, you've tested a completely new field of LBT fanfiction as somebody who has never written a LBT fanfiction before (however, your writing makes me suspect this is not your first screen play ;)) so for that alone you have my respect. I'm almost feeling challenged to try come up with something of similar quality... just almost :lol
Now, I think the idea of Mr. Threehorn trying to take over the Valley is not too far off reality yet nobody (as far as I remember at least) has actually tried this yet :smile The way you integrated Sharptooth as well as other side characters was really good and the little romance between Ducky and Petrie was rather cute (I totally ship them too, yep, yep, yep!). The songs were done really great too!
There's only issue I have with this story (well, aside from the lack of description which is a result of the format however, so I can't really critizise that, can I? :lol:): Some of the things that happen (especially during Sharptooth encounters) aren't quite likely to happen that way. For example, I doubt Littlefoot and Chomper - even if they've grown a lot, would be capable of pushing Sharptooth into that volcano. The story also seemed to pass a bit too quick for my liking though I may have to blame that on the story format again :angel
I've enjoyed the read a lot (hey, what else do I have to do on christmas eve? :lol:) thanks for writing it! I would love to see this same story being adapted as a RP with much more description and that kinda stuff, deeper character interaction etc. I'm sure it'd be a hell lot of fun! ;)
Anyway, the competition is really incredible this year with lots of super awesome fanfictions to be voted for so finding a score that I deem to be appropriate was hard. I enjoyed all stories a lot but can't just vote them 10/10 all :p I've therefore decided to rate this story with 8/10. With weaker competition, I may have decided to go for 9 too, you can definitiely be proud of what you did there, LB&T! ^^spike
Name of fanfiction: The Swimmer Trials:
Rating: 9/10
Review: As a Ducky fan, I had to read this one! Actually followed it since the first chapter posted and damn did it grow awesome and more awesome with every chapter! ^^spike
There are so many things I could mention now but I think I'll keep it general. The overall plot is intriguing as it is but the character developement and the plentiful sudden twists and surprises really kept me hooked and excited! Like when that storm broke loose, or when Ducky found herself a little (boy-)friend ;) I totally like that you're not afraid to touch some rather touchy subjects of the LBT universe (like... potty stuff :p) and that you do not refrain from describing the not so pleasant things like blood and gore (or baby swimmer poopoo :lol).)
Your OC's add a lot to the story and they are well thought of! Besides, I wonder how you managed to fit so many guest characters into this story (and each of them had their role to play in this...) :wow
The only critique that I have (though only a very small one) is that some things tend to get repetitive now that the story is aging and approaching its completion... plus you still sometimes miss a few typos and small grammar slip ups but that doesnt stop me from rating TST with 9/10 because it's always such a delight to read this story whenever a new chapter is posted (in fact, I'm one chapter behind right now, argh!! :p)
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Name of fanfiction: Songs of the Hunters
Rating: 9,5/10
Review: It's been a while, since that one was finished but I still remember it very well :)
You could say this is a nextGen story of sorts since it involves the kids of our favourite 7 meateaters (they're so funny, not to mention that whole subplot about them interacting with the Great Valley kids :p Simply great to have them repeat the deeds of their parents and befriend sharpteeth!) I really loved the concept of those "songs" of their time after the battle of the Great Valley but the plot going on at present was, if anything, even more thrilling, almost leading to a war between Valley and the gang :wow
As always, rhombus didn't fail to amaze me with his OCs and canon characters and their development and interaction. After all, if there's anything he can write better than battle scenes and humor, it's character interaction and development as well as coming up with really awesome theories about rituals, behaviorisms and instincts of the different species, each having their own. That is what makes his writing style so enticing and his stories so extremely interesting to explore :smile
Therefore, it goes without saying that he deserves a 9,5 for his story (only reason for not giving 10 being that the sequel doesn't reach the sheer epicness of the original story which I did rate 10 last year ;))
Name of fanfiction: Menders Tale
Rating: 9,5/10
Review: Well, everything I said about rhombus' writing abilities above also counts as a basis for my vote on this other story of his :)
Mender's Tale also uses the concept of stories quite a lot, with a present and a past plot going on simultaniously which are both connected to each other in some way ;) This story is a bit OC-heavy but said OC's are such intriguing and also likeable that I don't mind at all, usually being a bit set off by stories using a lot of OCs with little focus on the characters we know. I find it especially mindblowing how a fight with a near death experience for one member between two packs of fastbiters can end up with said packs being good allies. Rhombus makes it possible! :lol ... and every step towards that friendship is so well explained and linked to tons of character development. Simply lovely.
On a side note, this story also touches some rather sickening details from the time when Calin was still in charge of Redclaw's army... while I personally admire his bravery for taking that brave step (and enjoyed that whole story arc because of all the raw emotions in unveiled), I can only imagine that some people might not react too well to reading about terrible torture.
Anyway, this story, too, promises to be as epic as the first sequel, especially considering the geopolitical (-prehistorical? :unsure:) situation in the present story arc so I cannot hesitate to rate this story 9,5/10 too. Still waiting for a story of rhombus which is actually bad haha (kidding :spit )
Uhm, I think that makes me eligible now? Well, I hope so since I have 3 stories up myself while having voted for 4 ^^spike
I haven't looked at reviews that others have cast yet because I have a tendency to let the words of others influence my own when reviewing stuff :p I might feel like replying to some of the feedback I got once I do (right now... bed time :p) so don't be surprised if you end up with a PM from the most evil swimmer ;)