Quest for the Mask of Life

[The Chronicler]

Caustizer: Don't worry if you didn't understand many of the names in that chapter, because chances are that that'll be the only chapter where many of those names even appear. However, your constant reminders are starting to help me understand what it is you are saying, so hopefully I'll get it right soon.

Pangaea: I suppose dropping the gang right in the middle of the 10 year long Bionicle storyline does make explaining things a little tricky, especially because 2006 (the storyline year I'm currently at in this fanfic) was when the Bionicle Universe started to get complicated. (Previously, the Bionicle Universe had been nothing but the island of Mata Nui, with the addition of the island city of Metru Nui at the end of 2003) Thanks to your advice, only now do I realize how difficult it could really be to write this story. Still, there is evidence that some Bionicle fans have read this story, so I'm honestly not sure where to draw the line.

Here's the next chapter, it answers questions, raises new ones, and has a very surprising ending.

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Chapter 10
The Search Begins

The gang didn't waste any time to begin searching for the Mask of Life. They immediately split up and began searching in every place they imagined the mask could be hidden. However, some of them didn't have much of an imagination and weren't searching as hard as others.

Petrie pushed aside a small rock and discovered a small hollow in the ground. “Hello? Mask of Life? You in there?” he called. A small Rahi then emerged, chirped angrily at him for a few seconds, and then pulled the rock back over its shelter. “Sorry,” said Petrie.

Spike had gotten distracted from his search by yet another bush to snack on. He did not have any regrets about deciding to search just the Green Belt. As he took yet another bite, he bit down on something hard. He then noticed the bush shake a bit as he heard something growl. Clearly, he had just upset some Rahi he wasn't aware of, and he did not want to cause any trouble. Spike decided to back away, deciding to not take another bite from that bush again.

The gang had made no set plans on where to search, or who would work together. Groups would frequently split up and then join others in separate groups as they continued to search the island.

Encountering Chomper, Cera walked up to him and asked, “Any luck finding that mask?”

Chomper was currently busy chewing on some bugs. “No, but I did find something to eat,” he said with his mouth full.

Cera, with a disgusted look on her face, looked away and said, “Well, keep looking.”

Meanwhile, Ducky decided to ask Ruby for advice on where to find the mask. “Where do you think the Mask of Life is hiding, Ruby?” asked Ducky.

“Hmm, if I wanted to hide a very important mask on this island, where would I hide it?” thought Ruby aloud. “Well, I certainly wouldn't want guys like the Piraka to steal it, so I would want to hide it somewhere where they couldn't get it. Somewhere they couldn't get it and maybe never even thought of finding it. Definitely somewhere underground, or maybe... maybe even buried in the ground.”

“Are you saying we have to dig to find the Mask of Life?”

“I don't know if that's where it's hidden, but that's where I would hide it. Of course, we can't dig through rock like this.” She scratched at the rocky ground with her foot. “I guess we should go back to the Green Belt and try looking there again. The only other place I can think of is inside the volcano, and the Piraka are already looking for the Mask of Life inside the volcano.”

As Ruby and Ducky changed direction, Cera climbed atop a small mountain that offered a view of a large portion of the island. Seeing how much land there was to cover, she came to one simple conclusion. “This is going to take a while.”
________

The day passed by and, although it was hard to tell through all the storm clouds, the sun was beginning to set. Littlefoot was currently walking along the inner coast of the island. Despite the harsh, rocky terrain, he concluded that it was a better option to search first than the icy outer coast. He had no idea if the mask was hidden here, but he knew he had to look in as many places as possible. Yet, he knew the efforts of him and his friends might not be enough. In his mind, the only thing that would give him the absolute confidence that he and his friends would find the Mask of Life would be the assurance of getting help from a powerful being, like a Toa. Since he had not heard from the Toa Nuva for some time now, he wondered about who else he could turn to.

“ëFind him,’ he says! Where are we supposed to look?”

Littlefoot immediately stopped when he heard that voice. Before he could figure out who it belonged to, he heard another voice.

“Reidak, there is this new pastime called ëthinking’ ó you really should try it.”

Littlefoot, trying the stay hidden behind a rock, peeked around the rock and saw the ebon-armored Piraka, Reidak, and the white-armored Piraka, Thok, walking nearby. He silently gasped in surprise. If these Piraka were out here with seemingly no signs of having been in a battle... then something must have happened to the Toa Nuva.

“The Matoran never saw Vezon, or they would have mentioned him when we got here,” continued Thok to Reidak. “That means his canister had to wash up far away from anyplace the Matoran would roam.” As he scanned the coast, something caught his eye. “Like here!”

Littlefoot looked closely at what Thok had spotted. Resting on the shore was a large, round, metallic object. One end of it was shredded, as if somebody had ripped it open to get at something inside... or maybe for someone inside to get out.

“Well I'll be a Muaka's dinner...” said Reidak in awe at this discovery.

“With any luck at all, yes,” retorted Thok. “Now we track him right to where he's hiding. Follow, Reidak, and try not to break anything.”

“How about if I just break you?”

Littlefoot had listened carefully to the conversation between the two Piraka. At first, he thought they had misspoken Vezok's name, but they had talked as if this “Vezon” was a different being ó one the Matoran had apparently never encountered. I wonder who this “Vezon” is, thought Littlefoot. Is he another Piraka? If so, why haven't we seen him yet?

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud, sharp crack. The Piraka also quickly turned their heads to the source of the noise.

“What wasó” started Thok, before another loud crack was heard. Suddenly, the ground beneath the two Piraka began to split open. “Look out!” shouted Thok, but it was too late. Neither of them managed to get away from the widening split in the ground quickly enough to avoid falling in.

Littlefoot was surprised by what had just happened. When he saw the Piraka fall, he was actually hoping they had fallen to their deaths. His hopes were quickly disproved when he noticed two pairs of armored hands holding onto the edge of the crevice.

“What did I say? ëSmash the island into rubble,’ I said,” said Reidak in frustration.

Thok grunted as he tried to pull himself out. “We don't need any Toa to fight us ó this island is already doing a good job of it!” exclaimed Thok.

As he heard the Piraka speak, Littlefoot noticed a large figure approaching them. He was a little taller than the Toa Nuva, but the huge muscles beneath his red and silver armor showed that he was far stronger. He wore a mask, like a Toa, but this silver mask was unlike any kind Littlefoot had seen before. The detail that caught Littlefoot's attention was the weapon this figure carried: a massive axe that looked powerful enough to slice through stone with ease. It was this weapon that made Littlefoot realize who this figure was. It's the guy with the axe! thought Littlefoot. The same guy who saved me and Balta by digging an escape tunnel for us! I wonder what he's doing here.

The massive figure arrived at the location of the struggling Piraka and stuck his axe in the ground. “You'll smash... nothing,” said the figure as he reached down and grabbed both Piraka by their waists in his massive hands. “This island holds nothing for you but pain and despair. I have known your kind before, Piraka. For more than a thousand centuries, I have looked into the face of evil again and again. It sickens me. You sicken me!” He then slammed the Piraka's heads together and threw them to the ground as if they were worthless sticks. “Leave this island,” he threatened. “Give up your mad dreams, or suffer the consequences.”

Thok had recovered enough to raise his head and say, “I'll give you ëconsequences,’ youó” He then attempted to use his vision powers against this new foe.

The large figure quickly grabbed his axe and held it between him and Thok, preventing the Piraka's spellbinder vision power from affecting him. “Six Piraka together are a dangerous threat, but two are just exercise,” he commented.

Reidak had also recovered, and was now lifting a massive rock. “You're about to be out of shape, stranger ó as in flattened!” he taunted.

“You have five seconds to put that down and end this battle in one piece, Piraka,” threatened the massive figure as he raised his axe. “One... two... five!” He then threw his axe at the rock, completely shattering it and sending Reidak flying back from the force of the impact.

Littlefoot watched the battle in awe. This stranger was clearly showing that he disapproved of the Piraka's actions, and was willing to fight to stop them. He was clearly a powerful being, maybe even more so than the Toa. Littlefoot was now very curious about who this stranger was.

Thok was also wondering the same thing. “What are you?” asked Thok. “You don't smell like a Toa.”

Then, as if to demonstrate more of his incredible powers, the massive figure made his large axe return directly to his hand. “My name is Axonn,” he said as he raised his axe above his head. “I was placed on this island as a guardian of the Mask of Life, one of many. All of my power ó and my very life ó is dedicated to keeping it out of the hands of trash like you.”

This statement made Littlefoot smile. As far as he could tell, Axonn was the most powerful being on all of Voya Nui, and his job was to protect the Mask of Life. Maybe after he's finished with those Piraka, I can talk to him and maybe he will help me find the Mask of Life, thought Littefoot with hope.

“Fine, keep your mask,” said Thok. “We just want to find our old friend Vezon. We heard he came this way.”

“Point us toward him,” added Reidak, “and we won't have to shove that axe downó”

“Quiet!” Clearly, Thok was not going to take any more chances against such a powerful being. Reidak, however, wasn't thinking the same thing.

“Vezon serves the mask now,” replied Axonn. “You won't find him, and you don't want to.”

“Then I guess we don't need you anymore, do we?” questioned Reidak.

Axonn then raised his axe and prepared to strike at the Piraka. “I will clean you off this island, Piraka, like the foul plague you are!”

Before Axonn could make a move, he was suddenly struck in the back by a powerful attack. The attack was so powerful that when he hit the ground, he appeared to be unconscious.

The attacker then stepped forward to reveal himself. He was even taller than Axonn. His armor was blue and gold and he wore a strange, gold mask. Despite not having quite as much muscle as Axonn, he still appeared to be rather strong. In his hand, he held a double-ended blade.

“Oh, I wouldn't say that,” gloated the attacker as he stood victorious over the fallen Axonn. “You always did rush into things without thinking, Axonn, my old friend. But then, you always had me to guard your back before. No more. From this day forward, true power on this island belongs to me: Brutaka!”

As Brutaka walked away in triumph, Reidak scoffed and grumbled, “Show off.”

“You're not the only one who despises Zaktan's new ally,” said Thok as the two Piraka followed Brutaka. “Still, it helps to stay on his good side. After all, we did see him did take down six Matoran and six Toa with one swing of that blade.”

Despite not getting caught, Littlefoot was crushed by the recent turn of events. First, his only hope for a powerful ally had been defeated by an even more powerful being, who turned out to have sided with the Piraka. Then, even worse, he found out that this powerful ally of the Piraka was responsible for not only defeating the free Matoran and the Toa Nuva, but also did it very quickly. With this new information, Littlefoot concluded that Garan's words now held more true than ever: Littlefoot and his friends were now Mata Nui's last hope.

Despite the painful truth, Littlefoot knew he had to take the opportunity to talk to Axonn, now that the Piraka were gone. If Axonn couldn't protect them, then perhaps he could at least tell them where to find the Mask of Life. As he walked up to the downed figure, Littlefoot asked, “Axonn? Are you okay?”

Axonn was a powerful being, so he didn't stay unconscious for long. He raised his head to see the young Longneck standing before him.

“I saw everything that just happened,” continued Littlefoot. “I also heard them say the Toa Nuva had been defeated. Does that mean my friends and I are Mata Nui's last hope?”

“I fear that may be true,” replied Axonn as he got back up.

Littlefoot sighed. “So what do we do?” he asked. “How can we hope to save him? The way I see it, the only way would be for you to tell me where to find that mask.”

Axonn shook his head in disapproval. “It's not that simple, Littlefoot. Even if I did tell you where to find it, I doubt that you and your friends would get it. It's not as simple as walking into a cave and grabbing it. There are many guardians of the mask, and I am merely the first line of defense.”

“But we have to get that mask! There's no one else left but us!”

Axonn sighed. “To tell you the truth, only a Toa possesses the kind of power needed to reach the mask, but I have a feeling you will simply ignore my warnings.”

“As long as it will help save Mata Nui, then yes, I will.”

“Very well. If you wish to continue to find the mask, I shall not stop you.” Axonn then began to walk away. “I have a more important issue to deal with. Brutaka used to be my best friend, but now he has chosen to walk the path of shadows. I must bring him back to our side before he causes irreversible damage to this universe.”

Littlefoot was about to ask Axonn again about where to find the Mask of Life, but he was forced to admit that he wouldn't be getting any help from him, either.

As Axonn walked away, Littlefoot thought about whether or not he should tell his friends about everything he had just learned. Despite how painful to truth may be, his friends deserved to hear all of it. Quietly leaving the area, Littlefoot hoped that he or one of his friends would find that mask soon.
________

After many hours of searching, the gang finally decided to regroup. None of them had had any luck finding the Mask of Life. After Littlefoot told them about what he had witnessed and heard, the gang now had more determination than ever to find the mask. Despite how late at night it was, they continued their search by looking along the icy outer coast. Some of them were getting tired, but Littlefoot encouraged them to keep going.

“How much longer do we have to keep looking?” asked Chomper.

“I don't know,” replied Littlefoot, “but we can't stop until we find that mask.”

“I wonder how many places there are left to look. I do, I do,” said Ducky.

“Even I can't answer that question,” admitted Ruby. “At this point, I'm starting to forget which places we have looked and which places we have not looked.”

Yet another loud clap of thunder from the skies brought the gang to a halt. “Is this storm ever going to go away?” wondered Cera. And just like that, the rainfall finally began. “Don't say anything.”

Petrie moaned in disappointment and said, “Us never gonna quick-find Mask of Life. Us not even gonna slow-find Mask of Life.”

“We have to keep trying,” urged Littlefoot. “Come on.” After taking just a few steps, he slipped on the ice and began to slide down an icy slope. The gang tried to see where he was going, but they too slipped and followed him down the slope.

Eventually, they all reached the bottom of the slope and came to a stop without crashing into anything. “That wasn't so bad,” remarked Chomper. “I think our luck might be changing.”

“I just hope that your hope for good luck comes true,” added Ruby as she stood up with the rest of the gang.

After getting back up, Littlefoot looked back and realized they were now right along the treacherous icy coast itself. The crashing of the waves along the frozen coast showed that this was not a place one should stay for long. However, there was something very unusual that had just washed up on the shore that caught Littlefoot's attention.

“Guys, look!” exclaimed Littlefoot, gesturing at what he had seen. The gang turned around and saw, resting on the shoreline, six large, round, metallic objects. One notable feature on them was a series of yellow lights that gradually blinked on and off. All of these objects were lying in the same direction. The ends that were aimed inland looked like they could be removed, but they appeared to be stuck on the objects tightly.

Recalling what he had seen and heard earlier, Littlefoot had a good guess of what these strange objects were. “I think... I think they're canisters,” said Littlefoot.

“Canisters?”asked Cera. “You mean like what the Toa had to use to get here?”

“Yes, but I don't think these ones are open. There might be someone inside each of them.”

“Like who?” asked Chomper.

Before Littlefoot could reply, a particularly powerful bolt of lightning shot from the Red Star and split into six bolts, striking each of the six canisters. The strange but powerful lightning strike frightened the gang, causing them to jump behind a nearby icy outcropping. They then peeked around the outcropping to see what had happened to the canisters. The blinking lights were gone ó no doubt blown up by the massive amount of energy from the lightning ó and large sparks danced across the surfaces of the canisters for a few seconds before eventually fading away.

“What just happened?” asked Ducky in fear.

“I don't know,” admitted Littlefoot.

Then, with a loud hiss, the lid of one of the canisters slowly rotated and came off. “Look! They opening!” Petrie quietly gasped as the same thing happened to the other canisters.

The gang watched silently as tall, armored figures crawled out of the canisters and stood up to their full height, comparable to a Toa. Suddenly, a flame blazed from the hand of one of those figures, illuminating the area enough to see their details more clearly. Although the orange flame distorted the colors, the slight differences in their armor showed that they each represented a different element. Each of these figures also held a large weapon, and their masks were far unlike anything the gang had ever seen before.

Then the six figures held out their weapons until they were all in contact. Small bolts of lightning arced between the weapons until they reached the point where they all touched, causing a larger bolt of lightning to fire straight up into the sky. Once it reached a certain height, the end of the bolt exploded, throwing six new stars into the only part of the sky that wasn't obscured by the clouds.

The gang had watched this strange event in awe and wonder. “What was that all about?” asked Cera.

“I remember Matoro once told me about Toa stars,” replied Ruby. “Here in the Matoran universe, there is one part of the sky where each star represents a living Toa. If there are six new stars in the sky, that means there are six new Toa in the Matoran universe. Since these strangers are the ones who put those new Toa stars into the sky, then that can only mean that these strangers are those new Toa.”

“New Toa?” asked Chomper. “You mean like they just hatched?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, if they are new Toa, then we have to convince them to fight on our side,” declared Littlefoot, before walking out from behind the outcropping and approaching the new Toa. His friends followed closely behind. “Um, excuse me?”

The Toa turned their attention towards the gang.

“Sorry to bother you, but we could really use your help. I'mó”

“We know who you are, Littlefoot, along with the rest of your friends,” interrupted one of the Toa, who then made the flame in his hand go away.

The gang was suddenly confused. “How did you know my name?” asked Littlefoot. “Who are you?”

The Toa looked at one another and nodded to each other. One by one, the six Toa said their names:

Jaller, Hahli, Kongu, Matoro, Hewkii, and Nuparu
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Read and review, as always. For those of you who haven't read the previous story, those six names at the end of this chapter are the names of some of the Matoran the gang had befriended in the previous story. Don't worry, many things will be explained in the next chapter.

Here are the images of the characters first seen in this chapter:
Axonn
Brutaka
(I'll wait until the next chapter to show you the new Toa)

[Pangaea]

My apologies for being late again. And I didn’t notice until now that no one else had reviewed either; is it just a bad time for posters on the GOF right now?

I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, from beginning to end. The gang’s attempts to find the Mask of Life amused me greatly (the part with Petrie was my favorite ), and felt very “in-character” for them. Part of the humor was in the way it I contrasted with the dramatic “while our friends head off into battle, let’s do our part and find the Mask of Life!” tone at the end of the last chapter.

I was similarly entertained by Reidak and Thok’s dialogue in the next scene (even if it was taken from the books). Apparently, Bionicle can be surprisingly comedic at times.

And the mood whiplash continued with Axonn being so quickly and suddenly taken out of commission after so easily and casually dealing with the Piraka. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. :blink: One thing that did bother me, though, was that Littlefoot didn’t try to wake Axonn up after Brutaka and the Piraka had left. Also, I felt like there should have been a sceneóeven if it were only described in the narrative rather than written out in dialogueóin which Littlefoot tells his friends about what he had seen and heard.

And another surprise in the form of six new Toa! :! The gang’s reactions to discovering the Toa’s canisters and witnessing their emergence were excellent. I particularly loved Chomper’s analogy that the Toa had “just hatched”. Brilliant way of putting it from a LBT perspective. *rhetorical questions ahead* Didn’t the gang know some of these Toa when they were Matoran? Isn’t one of them the Ice Matoran Ruby had a crush on? This could get strange…

“Well I'll be a Muaka's dinner...” said Raidak in awe at this discovery.

Should be “Reidak”.

“What was ó” started Thok, before another loud crack was heard.

Thok had recovered enough to raise his head and say, “I'll give you ëconsequences,’ you ó”

“Point us toward him,” added Reidak, “and we won't have to shove that axe down ó”

“Sorry to bother you, but we could really use your help. I'm ó”

No space is needed in front of a dash when it is used to indicate an interruption.

“What did I say? ëSmash the island into rubble,’ I said,” said Reidak in frustration, repeating something he had said earlier.

It feels awkward to point this out. I would remove it. If you think it sounds strange for Reidak to reference a statement he’d said earlier that was unheard by the readers, I think changing the line would be a preferable alternative.

The same guy who save me and Balta by digging an escape tunnel for us with that axe! I wonder what he's doing here.

”Save” should be “saved”. Also, since Littlefoot had just mentioned the axe, it feels redundant and repetitive to me for it to be mentioned again here, so I’d remove the blue text.

“You'll smash... nothing,” said the figure as he reached down and grabbed both Piraka by their waist in his massive hands.

Should be “waists”.

He was clearly a powerful being, maybe even more * than the Toa.

*Insert “so”.

From this day forward, true power on this island belongs to me: Brutaka!” Brutaka then walked away in triumph.

In my opinion, it feels a little strange to have a character identified by name so soon after the name is first introduced (I hope that makes sense). You could refer to him by a more vague term (“The newcomer”, etc.), or you could start a new paragraph (which might make sense for that line anyway), perhaps even merging it with the following line, like so:

As Brutaka walked away in triumph, Reidak scoffed and grumbled, “Show off.”

First, his only hope for a powerful ally gets defeated by an even more powerful being, who turns out to have sided with the Piraka.

Tense slip. Change “gets” to “had been” and “turns” to “turned”.

None of them had * any luck finding the Mask of Life.

*Insert “had”.

All of these objects were laying in the same direction.

Should be “were lying”, or “lay facing”.

Jaller, Hahli, Kongu, Matoro, Hewkii, and Nuparu

I’ll just make this simple; this is how I would reword this:

“Jaller,” “Hahli,” “Kongu,” “Matoro,” “Hewkii,” and “Nuparu”.

I hope Caustizer and LBTDiclonius review this chapter soon, too. It really was a good one.

P.S. The changes you made to the last chapter look good!

[Caustizer]

This chapter is better in terms of capturing the mannerisms of the gang and keeping them in character... I can see that as you continue to write your style is improving.

I think the ideal next step would be to try and capture the expressions and motions of the bionicle characters as well as to enhance the descriptive quality within the story instead of just providing pictures and saying 'this is what they look like'.

The best time to be able to picture a story happening is right as you read it, so capitalizing on this as you good be a good thing.

Caustizer

[The Chronicler]

Caustizer: I wasn't sure if I was improving at all, so thanks for letting me know. I'll also keep in mind that advice, too.

Pangaea: Just to let you know, the Piraka are perhaps the most comedic of all the Bionicle characters. (a major reason why they're my favorite group of villains of any fandom) If you thought that dialogue was funny, wait until you meet Vezon (after a few more chapters). Also, I've added a bit more to that Axonn scene in that chapter, so you might want to read it again.

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Chapter 11
Old Friends, New Looks

Littlefoot and his friends were speechless. Standing before them were six new Toa, but their names were all too familiar to them. Jaller, Hahli, Kongu, Matoro, Hewkii, and Nuparu had been among the Matoran who helped the gang find the Energy Stones about a year ago. Yet, they were now here on Voya Nui, and were now Toa.

“So...” began Littlefoot. “You're really the same Matoran we met back in the Great Valley in our universe? The same ones who helped us find the Energy Stones?”

“Yes, Littlefoot, we are,” replied Jaller, the new Toa of Fire. Jaller had been a courageous Ta-Matoran from the fire village of Ta-Koro and was the Captain of the Ta-Koro Guard. He now had red and yellow armor and carried a large flame sword.

“Did you really just become Toa?” asked Ducky.

“I believe so,” replied Hahli, the new Toa of Water. Hahli had been a shy Ga-Matoran from the water village of Ga-Koro and was named Chronicler after the previous one, Takua, became a Toa. She now had blue and white armor and carried a harpoon. “We were still Matoran when we climbed into these canisters, but before we got out, something strange happened and now... we're Toa.”

“We all saw you climb out,” said Ruby. “We all also saw what happened to you before you could climb out. This really big sky-flash came right from the red star and split into six sky-flashes that hit each of you.”

“Are you saying that a lightning strike is what turned us into Toa?” asked Hewkii, the new Toa of Stone. Hewkii had been an athletic Po-Matoran from the stone village of Po-Koro and was a champion in the sport of Kolhii. He now had yellow and gray armor and carried an axe that was attached to his back by a chain.

“That's what we saw, at least,” replied Chomper.

“I suppose that makes sense,” commented Nuparu, the new Toa of Earth. Nuparu had been a brilliant Onu-Matoran from the earth village of Onu-Koro and was a well-known engineer and inventor. He now had black and gray armor, clawed hands, and carried a large drill. “Somehow, I never imagined being a Toa would feel like this. Sure, I have raw power in my muscles and really awesome armor, but for some reason it feels like I have too much energy.”

“That's not all,” added Kongu, the new Toa of Air, as he touched his mask. “This mask, it just feels... weird.” Kongu had been a brave Le-Matoran from the air village of Le-Koro and was the Captain of the Gukko Force. He now had green and gray armor and carried a crossbow.

“Seeing how weird your masks look, I'm not so surprised,” said Cera. “I've never seen any kinds of masks that looked like that.”

“So says the most skeptical child I've ever met,” retorted Kongu.

“Just so you're aware, these are not the same masks we had always worn,” said Matoro, the new Toa of Ice. Matoro had been a loyal Ko-Matoran from the ice village of Ko-Koro and was Turaga Nuju's personal translator. Matoro now had white and light blue armor and carried an ice sword. “On our way here, our masks got stolen and we were forced to wear these ones instead.”

“Your masks got stolen!?” asked Littlefoot. “By who?”

“It's a long story,” replied Jaller. “And personally, I'm not willing to talk about it just yet.”

“I think we can all quick-agree to that,” added Kongu. “Creepy place, creepy ruler, creepy friend, creepy everything.”

“Me not so sure me want to listen to creepy story anyway,” said Petrie, nervously.

“Nor do we have the time,” added Hewkii.

“Hewkii's right,” said Jaller. “Despite the fact that we are now Toa, we came here on a mission. The only reason we went through such madness was to find out what happened to the Toa Nuva.”

“As far as I can tell, they've only been here for just over a day,” stated Cera. “Why would you be so worried about them?”

“It's the fact that they went missing and the Turaga told us nothing about it,” replied Jaller. “They were keeping secrets from us again! I was fortunate to have Turaga Nokama come to me to explain everything. I knew I had to do something, so I gathered these guys ó as well as Takanuva ó to find the Toa Nuva.”

“You took Takua with you, too?” asked Littlefoot, who was not yet willing to accept his friend's name change. “Where is he?”

“He's probably back in Metru Nui by now. For some reason, the path to Voya Nui was blocked to him, but not us.”

Nuparu suddenly had a look of realization on his face. He turned to the gang and said in confusion, “Wait, this isn't your universe. You kids shouldn't be here. What are you doing here? How did you get here?”

“We honestly don't know,” replied Littlefoot. “About two days ago, we decided to check on the Energy Stones, but then something strange happened. None of us can remember what it was, but the next thing we knew, we were here on Voya Nui.”

“And did you say the Toa Nuva have been here for only a day?” asked Jaller.

“Yes,” replied Littlefoot. “We met up with them earlier today. They had just been defeated by the Piraka and lost their masks, so they decided to take back their masks by attacking the Piraka's stronghold. They asked us to wait outside because it was too dangerous for us to follow them. We haven't heard from them since then, and we don't even know the way back to the stronghold.”

“Piraka?” asked Matoro. “What's a Piraka?”

“There's six of them,” replied Chomper. “Big, strong, spiky back, weird weapons and powers, smiling faces like sharpteeth. Oh, and they've turned every Matoran on this island into slaves.”

“Sounds to me like a bunch of Makuta wannabes,” commented Hewkii. “I say we we take them down.”

“No,” said Jaller. “Not now. We came here to find the Toa Nuva, and that's what we're going to do first. Come on, let's get going.” The group of new Toa and young dinosaurs followed Jaller as he led them towards the volcano at the center of the island, figuring it was as good a place as any to start looking.
________

The group had been walking for only a few minutes when the rainfall stopped. Although it brought some relief to some of them, others were still uneasy by the current series of events.

Kongu, in particular, was frustrated by the apparent lack of a real plan. “We're ever-wandering in the dark,” said Kongu as loud as he could while still whispering. “We have no idea where we are, where the Toa-heroes are, or what else might be on this island. And our guides are just as lost-wandering as we are. What's wrong with this carving?”

The last sentence was what finally caught Jaller's attention. “What do you want us to do?” asked Jaller. “Turn back? Sit on the beach until morning and talk everything out?”

“No, I just remember the Turaga's tales of what happens when Toa go off without a plan.”

“He has a point,” said Hahli in agreement.

Jaller stopped and turned around to face the group. “You're right, both of you,” said Jaller. “There was no point in listening to Turaga Vakama's tales if we aren't going to learn from them, but let's keep this short. The Toa Nuva may need us.”

The other Toa were quite surprised by Jaller's reaction. They had expected him to keep on arguing, like other Toa of Fire they knew of would have done. The young dinosaurs also had to admit that the new Toa were right. What was the point of going anywhere without a plan?

“We need a plan, but we don't have a plan, so let's come up with a plan right now so we can figure out what to do first,” suggested Ruby.

Nuparu sat down on a rock and said, “I'll start by taking this mask off for a second. I miss my old one. This one just doesn't feeló”

As soon as Nuparu's mask left his face, a very bight light suddenly lit up the entire area. The other Toa and the young dinosaurs were quickly forced to shield their eyes from the light. Nuparu looked around to find the source of the illumination, but it appeared to him to be coming from everywhere.

“What theó?” said Chomper in complete surprise at what was happening.

“Put your mask back on!” exclaimed Cera.

The tone of Cera's voice had made Nuparu think that she had spotted danger, so he did as he was told. As soon as he put his Kanohi mask back on his face, the blinding light suddenly went out. Everyone uncovered their eyes and stared at Nuparu in confusion.

“That was strange,” said Nuparu, curious about the strange event.

“That was your face,” replied Hewkii.

“Very funny,” retorted Nuparu. “You're no vision of beauty yourself, Hewkii.”

Hahli shook her head and said, “He's not joking. When you took your mask off, your face gave off a blinding glow. I couldn't even see your features.”

“Let's talk in there,” said Hewkii, gesturing towards a nearby cave. “No point in lighting up the night and letting everyone else here know our location.”

“Good idea,” said Petrie in agreement, before following the Toa into the cave.

“It is a good idea. It is, it is,” added Ducky as Spike carried her towards the cave.

Everyone soon crowded into the cave, which was barely large enough for all of them to fit comfortably inside. Once everyone was inside, Hahli volunteered to remove her mask. Like Nuparu, her maskless face gave off a blinding glow.

“A little warning would have been nice,” said Cera irritatedly as she held her forelegs over her eyes.

“Something's wrong,” said Matoro. “I saw Toa Kopaka take off his mask once, and nothing like that happened. What kind of Toa are we?”

“I don't know, but I sure would like to know,” replied Ruby.

“That's not the only unusual thing here,” said Hahli, holding out her mask. “Take my mask. Tell me what you think.”

Matoro reached out and took Hahli's mask. He immediately realized what was so strange about this mask. This one felt more soft and flexible than any other Kanohi mask he ever held. It felt more like the fleshy, organic tissue of a dinosaur and less like the metallic armor of a Toa. Then something happened and he suddenly dropped the mask in shock.

“It moved!” exclaimed Matoro. “I mean... I think it moved... in my hand.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” said Cera. “It's a mask. Masks can't move.”

“Yeah, they're objects,” agreed Hewkii as he reached for the mask. “They're notó” As soon as he touched the mask, everyone noticed that it slightly recoiled. Hewkii quickly pulled back and looked up at everyone. “Alive?”

The gang was just as surprised as the Toa were. They couldn't help but think how things just seemed to get weirder and weirder.

“Put your mask back on,” said Jaller to Hahli.

“I'm not so sure I want to,” said Hahli. She then joked, “What if it bites?”

“Do it anyway. I feel like I'm having a conversation with a lightstone.” Indeed, it did seem rather strange to hear Hahli's voice but not see her face through the glare.

Hahli hesitated for a second before she grabbed her mask. It didn't move or do anything else. She then placed the Kanohi mask back on her face, putting out the intense light. Everyone uncovered their eyes, but were still very surprised by the turn of events.

“Well,” said Nuparu. “I always wondered what it would be like to become a Toa. Somehow, I never pictured blinding features and moving masks.”

“Speaking of your masks, I wonder what powers they have,” asked Littlefoot, curiously.

“I know one of them,” replied Jaller. He then immediately turned to Kongu and asked, “Kongu, what am I thinking?”

Before Kongu could say anything, he heard a voice in his head. It sounded just like Jaller's voice. After “listening” for a minute, he replied, “You're remembering a Muaka that threatened Ta-Koro three years ago. You and the Guard needed two days to drive-chase it off and... how did I know that?”

Kongu wasn't the only one freaked out by this. The gang was especially shocked. Did Kongu just read Jaller's mind?

“It's a Mask of Telepathy, remember?” said Jaller. “When we found it, Toa Takanuva was able to read Hahli's thoughts. It changed, like the Matoran masks we were wearing, into this more organic form, but it still works.”

“Well, I've never heard of a Mask of... Tel-uh-puh-thee before,” commented Ruby. “I guess that means the rest of your masks are ones we've never heard of before either. That means they also have powers that we've never heard of before.”

“Yeah, even I'm interested to see what they can do,” added Cera.

“Despite the masks' strange appearances, I am willing to bet they work the same as the ones we know... who knows, maybe better,” said Jaller.

Nuparu stood up and said, “That's great to hear, but how do we use them? Remember how long it took the Toa Metru to master their mask powers in Turaga Vakama's tale? We have no training in using Great Masks and they won't activate just by saying, ëI wish my mask worked.’”

As soon as those words left his mouth, Nuparu suddenly shot straight up into the air, slammed into the cave ceiling, and fell back down to the ground, stunned. Everyone just stood there with their jaws open at the very bizarre sight they had just witnessed.

Finally, it was Hewkii who broke the silence. “On the other hand, maybe they will,” commented Hewkii.
-------

Read and review, as always.

Here are the images of the characters first seen in this chapter:
Jaller
Hahli
Kongu
Matoro
Hewkii
Nuparu

[Pangaea]

Partly because this was a shorter chapter, I’m afraid I don’t have much to say about it. There was a lot of borrowed text in this chapter, but I don’t have any suggestions for reducing it. I did feel that the gang didn’t have much of a presence in this chapter, and that the reunion between them and the new Toa was missing something; I’m not entirely sure what. Did the Toa know that the gang would be on Voya Nui? They seemed remarkably unsurprised, not even asking them how they had come to be there.

I liked the scenes with the Toa discovering their new features and abilities, such as the glowing faces and organic masks. And I thought the incident at the end of the chapter was hilarious. Perhaps these living masks respond to commands? (Doesn’t explain the glowing faces thing, though.)

“Yes, Littlefoot, we are,” replied Jaller, the new red-and-yellow armored Toa of Fire.

“I believe so,” replied Hahli, the new blue-and-white armored Toa of Water.

“Are you saying that a lightning strike is what turned us into Toa?” asked Hewkii, the new yellow-and-gray armored Toa of Stone.

“I suppose that makes sense,” commented Nuparu, the new black-and-gray armored Toa of Earth.

“That's not all,” added Kongu, the new green-and-gray armored Toa of Air, as he touched his mask.

“Just so you're aware, these are not the same masks we had always worn,” said Matoro, the new white-and-light-blue armored Toa of Ice.

In all of the above cases, there should be an additional hyphen between the colors and “armored”.

Personally, though, I think that rather than just making a repetitively patterned passing mention of the color of their armor as you introduce the Toa, you give each of them a more thorough individual description, describing their former relationship to the gang as well as their physical appearance now. For example, something like, “Hewkii, whom the gang had known as the Koli champion of the stone village of Po-Koro, was now a Toa of Stone, with yellow and gray armor and (describe weapons, if he has them at this point).”

“It's the fact that they went missing and the Turaga told us nothing about it. They were keeping secrets from us again! I was fortunate to have Turaga Nokama come to me to explain everything. I knew I had to do something, so I gathered these guys ó as well as Takanuva ó to find the Toa Nuva.”

Who is speaking here?

“Very funny*” retorted Nuparu. “You're no vision of beauty yourself, Hewkii.”

*Insert comma.

“A little warning would have been nice,” said Cera, irritatedly as she held her forelegs over her eyes.

This comma doesn’t belong.

“Put you mask back on,” said Jaller to Hahli.

Should be “your”.

Hahli hesitated for a second before she grabbed her mask. I didn't move or do anything else.

Should be “it”.

Nuparu stood up and said, “That great to hear, but how do we use them?

Should be “that’s”.

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: Thanks for those suggestions. I guess I've been working on this story for so long that I've forgotten some things in the earlier chapters. Hopefully, the revisions I've made in the previous chapter are good enough. Also, I wonder why you considered it a short chapter. Compared to all the other chapters I've written before (including my previous story) this chapter had a rather moderate length (4 or 5 pages). I guess the last few chapters were so often longer than usual (7 to 15 pages) that it gave you the idea that this chapter was short. Oh well, if shorter chapters makes it easier for you to review this quickly, then I won't change my plans.

I've uploaded the previous chapter on fanfiction.net earlier today, but for some reason, it's not showing up at all, even a few hours afterward. Oh well, as long as I can still post new chapters here, I'll be fine. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

-------
Chapter 12
Out-of-Control Mask Powers

Once Nuparu had recovered, the group of rookie Toa and young dinosaurs left the cave to talk about what to do next. However, none of them could keep their minds off of what had just happened to the Toa of Earth.

Chomper was walking beside Nuparu as they left the cave. “So, Nuparu...” said Chomper, unsure about what to say. “That sure was a strange thing that happened to you.”

“Yeah, it was,” replied Nuparu, wondering what could have caused it. As soon as he thought that it might have had something to do with his mask, he suddenly shot straight up into the air again. This time, there was no cave ceiling to bring him back down.

Everyone immediately turned their attention to the rapidly ascending Toa of Earth. “What's happening?” asked Littlefoot in shock.

“He thinks it has something to do with his mask,” replied Kongu, who knew the answer only because of his own mask power.

Nuparu eventually managed to stop his ascent. His shouts of terror ended when he looked around. What an incredible view! Having spent his entire life working in underground caverns and tunnels, he had never imagined what it would be like to see the world from so high up. He thought about how much it felt like he was flying. When that last word crossed his mind, he suddenly shot forward through the sky. He then panicked and tried to slow down or at least change direction. He was now swooping, diving, and making sharp turns so haphazardly that he made even a hatchling flyer seem very graceful at flying. He wasn't sure anymore whether to shout in joy or terror, but shout he did.

Meanwhile, Kongu couldn't hide his feelings of jealousy. If anyone should have gotten a Mask of Flight, it should have been him. Not only was he a Toa of Air, but he was also the best Gukko rider of all the Matoran. A Toa of Earth, on the other hand, was the least qualified of any kind of Toa to have such a mask, in Kongu's opinion.

“Whoa, look out!” shouted Nuparu as he swooped down so low that everyone had to duck their heads.

“What's he doing up there?” asked Cera.

“He doesn't know how to safe-land,” Kongu immediately replied. There were more reasons, but he chose not to share them. Ever since he had used his mask power on Jaller in the cave, he had been unable to turn it off. He kept trying to, but it only caused him to now hear everyone's thoughts. Jaller was worried that things were quickly getting out of control; Hahli was trying to remember everything Toa Gali had taught her in hopes of being a better Toa; Hewkii was upset that no one had mentioned that his armor was now yellow instead of brown; Cera was getting concerned the new Toa might end up killing themselves before the Piraka would get a chance; Petrie couldn't decide whether or not he should fly up to Nuparu and help him; Chomper needed to relieve himself ó an image Kongu did not want in his mind ó but was too scared to leave the group on his own; and Ruby, in one way or another, always seemed to have Matoro on her mind. Needless to say, it was a miracle Kongu hadn't gone crazy by now.

Meanwhile, up in the air, Nuparu was about to slam head-first into a peak, but managed to bank away at the last possible moment.

“Whoa!” exclaimed Littlefoot as he saw that. “That was too close!”

“We'd better do something before he hurts himself,” said Cera.

Jaller came up with a possible solution. He said, “Matoro, can you use your ice power to, I don't know, hold him in place for a second andó” He immediately stopped when he turned to Matoro.

Matoro was lying down on the ground. He wasn't moving and the light in his eyes was out. In other words, he appeared to be dead.

Everyone quickly turned their attention to the fallen Toa of Ice, ignoring Nuparu's problems.

Ruby immediately rushed to Matoro's side. “Matoro, are you okay?” she asked, tears already forming in her eyes. “Are you okay, Matoro? Matoro? Matoro!”

“Is he...?” asked Ducky, too worried to finish her question.

“I don't know,” replied Littlefoot.

“I don't think so,” replied Jaller. “What could have happened? We were standing right beside him. No one could have attacked.”

“Perhaps it's these masks,” suggested Hewkii. “Maybe they're trying to kill us.”

“If that's true, then why would they start with Matoro?” wondered Littlefoot. “He never got a chance to use his mask power.”

“No, I don't understand it, either.”

Most of the group now turned their attention towards Hahli, who appeared to be having a conversation with nothing but empty air.

“Just relax,” continued Hahli. “We'll figure this out, I promise.”

“Figure what out?” asked Cera. “Who are you talking to?”

“Maybe she talking to imaginary friend,” suggested Petrie.

“Actually, she thinks she's happy-talking to Matoro,” reported Kongu, thanks to his mask. “But that's obviously ridiculous, since Matoro is right here and isn't much of a conversationalist right now.”

Ruby, taking that comment as an insult to Matoro, glared at Kongu.

“You're wrong,” said Hahli. “Only his body is over there. His spirit is floating in the air over here, and no, I don't know how it happened. Matoro thinks it has something to do with his mask. He says there are five Matoran not far away who are looking for us.”

“How does he know?” asked Cera, already losing patience with this series of bizarre situations.

Hahli hesitated and looked down at the ground, knowing the answer was going to make the others think that she had lost her mind. Finally, she said, “Um, well, he says he flew through the mountains... straight through the rock, like it wasn't wasn't there... and he saw them... but they couldn't hear him or see him.”

Everyone looked at each other, then back to Hahli. Clearly, Hahli's fears seemed to be proven.

Kongu was the first one to speak up. “Sure,” he muttered. “He's flying, Nuparu's flying, everyone's flying but the one who knows how to fly.” He then quickly turned to Petrie and added, “Don't say it.”

“What were you going to say?” asked Ducky to Petrie, whispering to avoid getting Kongu more upset.

“Just that me know how to fly because me wind-flyer,” replied Petrie, also whispering.

Hoping to put an end to this strange situation, Jaller asked Hahli, “Can he reverse... whatever happened?”

Hahli turned back to the space of empty air and said, “Try.”

About a second later, Matoro stirred, the light in his eyes returning. He quickly sat up as if he had just awakened from a very bad dream. “What? Where?” said Matoro in confusion. “Mata Nui, what a dream...”

Ruby immediately hugged the Toa of Ice by the neck in happiness. “Matoro, you are okay!” she cried. “You are okay, Matoro!”

Matoro gently pushed the Fast Runner away and turned to Hahli.

“I don't think it was a dream,” said Hahli as she knelt down beside him. “I saw you, even if the others didn't.”

“If that was your mask power, then that sure is quite a mask power,” remarked Ruby. She then turned to Hahli. “How were you able to see his spirit when none of us could see his spirit?”

“Could that be your mask power?” wondered Littlefoot.

“A mask that can see spirits?” added Ducky.

“I'm not so sure I want to know what my mask does,” remarked Hewkii. “For all I know, it might turn me into a Le-Matoran or something like that.”

“You wish,” retorted Kongu.

Jaller ignored all of this and turned his attention towards Matoro. “Which way are these Matoran?” asked Jaller. “Keep in mind, we can't walk through solid rock.”

Matoro pointed to the north and said, “They're scared, Jaller, of something or someone called ëPiraka.’ I've got the feeling they are the only Matoran on this island still free.”

Jaller helped the Toa of Ice to his feet and said, “Let's go find them. The more I find out about this place, the more worried about the Toa Nuva I become.”

“Before we go anywhere,” Kongu spoke up, “can somebody please go with Chomper so he can take care of some business?”

“Sorry, Kongu,” said Chomper, embarrassed. “I just wasn't sure how to say it in front of everyone.” He was now so desperate to relieve himself that he was now slightly hopping around.

“Don't worry, Chomper,” assured Ruby. “I'll go with you so you don't have to go alone.” The two of them then left the group and headed around some large rocks.

The other Toa turned to Kongu in confusion. Hahli was about to say something, but Kongu stopped her and simply said, “Don't ask.”

Cera then looked around at the group and said, “You know, I'm getting the feeling we're forgetting someone.”

The answer came in the form of Nuparu's shouts as he continued to fly around overhead.

“No worry-problem, me get him,” said Petrie as he took off and flew towards the airborne Toa of Earth.

Nuparu was still flying back and forth across the sky, but he stopped changing his speed and direction due to being distracted by Petrie flying in front of his face. “Oh, hello, Petrie,” said Nuparu, sounding nervous. At this point, he was hoping that his crazy flight might soon come to an end.

“You no need to worry, me quick-teach you how to fly,” said Petrie.

“I don't know about that,” said Nuparu in concern. “In case if you haven't noticed, I don't have wings.” He held his arms out to prove his point.

“Still, it worth a try.”

“I suppose.”

Petrie did everything he could to teach Nuparu how to fly. After a few quick lessons, Petrie eventually helped Nuparu descend low enough to be able to talk to the rest of the group. By that time, Chomper and Ruby had already returned to the group.

While attempting to stop, Nuparu put his feet forward ó assuming that stopping in midair would be like stopping on the ground ó but ended up flipping backwards until he was facing down towards the ground, finally stopping his wild flight. “Okay, I think I'm stable now,” said Nuparu, holding out his arms and legs as if expecting to fall to the ground at any second. “So what did I miss?”

“Nothing much,” replied Hewkii. “Just Matoro discovering his mask power, which separates his spirit from his body.”

“Whoa, and I thought I had a strange mask power.”

Jaller turned to Nuparu and reported, “While he was using his mask power, Matoro found five Matoran wandering around and looking for us. Since you're still airborne, perhaps you can scout ahead and try to find them. You'll find them somewhere north of here.”

“I'm on it,” said Nuparu before flying off in that direction.

“I'm not sure if he'll find them,” said Hahli.

“What do you mean?” asked Littlefoot.

“I have a feeling those Matoran would have moved on by now. Do you think you can use your mask power again to find them, Matoro?”

“No thank you,” Matoro quickly replied. “I'm still disturbed by the last experience. I don't know if I'll ever get used to this mask. Besides, we have Nuparu flying around instead. I'm sure he'll find them.”

The group then began to head in the direction of where the Matoran might be. The route was a long and winding path through hills and mountains. Despite the rough terrain, they had no choice but to take that route.

About a few minutes later, Nuparu returned to report what he had seen. Missing the feeling of walking around, he muttered to himself, “If only there was a way to shut this thing off.” And just like that, Nuparu dropped back to the ground.

“Lucky,” grumbled Kongu in jealousy as the Toa of Earth stood up.

“Did you find them?” asked Ducky.

“No,” replied Nuparu, “but I did find something that was definitely not a Matoran or a Toa. A face only a mother Manas could love, and he's armed.”

“Only one?” asked Jaller.

Nuparu nodded. “Blue armor, nasty spikes, weapons in both hands. I saw him make a rock explode just by glancing at it.”

“Yup, that's definitely a Piraka,” stated Cera.

“Yeah, that's... which one was the blue one?” asked Chomper.

“I think it was Vezok,” replied Littlefoot.

“Sounds like someone we should talk to,” said Jaller.

“Yeah, let's take him down,” said Hewkii in agreement. The others looked at him in confusion.

“You sure seem eager-happy to fight that thing,” commented Kongu.

“Hey, I'm a Toa of Stone now. A rock has been destroyed. I have to avenge it, don't I?”

Cera rolled her eyes and muttered, “Po-Matoran.”

“Come on, let's keep going,” said Jaller as he continued to lead the group along the path.
-------

Read and review, as always.

[brekclub85]

I've never actually watched Bionicle before, but I do find this fanfic quite interesting!   Keep it up, Chronicler.

[Pangaea]

I wonder why you considered it a short chapter. Compared to all the other chapters I've written before (including my previous story) this chapter had a rather moderate length (4 or 5 pages). I guess the last few chapters were so often longer than usual (7 to 15 pages) that it gave you the idea that this chapter was short.

Oh, really? Yes, that must have been the case. I thought it felt like a short chapter, and when I compared it to the last couple of chapters, I concluded that it was.

The changes you made to the last chapter are a definite improvement, by the way.

Evidently you did a really good job writing this chapter, because I didn’t find any errors. :!

It still feels like the gang are kinda shoehorned into the Bionicle storyline without much effect on the plot, though since this chapter is mostly just conversation (and the Toa figuring out how their masks work), I suppose it can’t be helped here. However, something else has occurred to me: this is a Bionicle fanfiction as well as a LBT fanfiction, but from what I’ve seen, the Bionicle characters have hardly done anything that deviates from the series storyline this is based on (except when said storyline is altered by virtue of the gang’s involvement). I think you should try to add some new scenes, dialogue, and other original story material for the Bionicle characters as well. For instance, I thought it would be kind of interesting if Kongu brought up Hewkii’s unspoken complaint about the others not mentioning his new armor color.

Here’s another thought that just sprung to mind: if the Toa were to wear each other’s masks, would they be able to use each other’s powers? Or do the living masks only allow a specific Toa to use each of their powers? I think you could base a sceneóor at least a conversationóoff of this.

He was now swooping, diving, and making sharp turns so haphazardly that he made even a hatchling flyer seem very graceful at flying.

I loved this line.

Kongu was the first one to speak up. “Sure,” he muttered. “He's flying, Nuparu's flying, everyone's flying but the one who knows how to fly.” He then quickly turned to Petrie and added, “Don't say it.”

And this line positively cracked me up.

Petrie did everything he could to teach Nuparu how to fly, made much more difficult by the fact that he didn't have wings. After a few quick lessons, Petrie eventually helped Nuparu descend low enough to be able to talk to the rest of the group.

Personally, I would have liked to have seen this written out in more detail, with dialogue (I think it would have been a good opportunity to showcase some interaction between the gang and the Toa, and would have been fun to read as well), though compared to many previous instances in which I have suggested rewriting part of a chapter in greater detail, this might not have as much of an effect on the quality of the story.

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: I'm not sure if you noticed, but I already have been adding new scenes and dialogue into this story. For example, you may have noticed in that chapter that, in the text I used, the scene jumps from Matoro getting up to Nuparu returning to report his findings. Instead of having it be just a break between scenes, I wrote more details and dialogue. It's not the first time I've done this in this story, and I'm certain that it won't be the last.

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I added a new chapter to this story. At least I'll be able to get back into a routine of posting a new chapter every Saturday evening, now that I don't have to worry about college for the next few months. Seeing as there have been a lot of new members here recently, I'm hoping to see what they think of my fanfic. Here's the next chapter.

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Chapter 13
Piraka Attack!

The group of new Toa and young dinosaurs continued their trek across the rugged terrain until they were stopped by a major obstacle. They now stood at the edge of a large gorge, the bottom of which was filled with lava. The gap was too far to jump, and there appeared to be no way to walk around it in a short amount of time. Not knowing if the Matoran were in any danger, they had to find some other way across.

“Now what?” asked Cera, frustrated at encountering an obstacle that seemed impassable.

Jaller had an idea, but wasn't sure if some of the others would like it. Still, he couldn't think of any other way. He turned to Nuparu and said, “You'll have to fly us over.”

“Now wait a minute,” interjected Kongu. “Let's be sensible here. Nuparu and I can switch masks, and I'll do the flying.”

Jaller had been expecting a reaction like that. He was going to say something in response, but Nuparu did so first.

“That does make sense,” said Nuparu. “I can't argue with it, but destiny, for whatever reason, gave me this mask. There has to be a reason for that.”

“Destiny has a sense of humor?” asked Kongu, rhetorically.

“I think I'm supposed to have it,” continued the Toa of Earth. “I'm not going to give it up just yet.” Then he smiled. “Besides, I think flying is kind of fun.”

“Me agree!” exclaimed Petrie, already flying around Nuparu. “Flying very happy-fun!”

Kongu shook his head and said, “Wonderful, they can deep-carve that on our memorial stones ó ëBut at least Nuparu had fun.’”

Nuparu activated his mask power and rose into the air. He then grabbed Kongu by the shoulders and lifted him into the air.

“Hey! I didn't quick-agree to go first!” protested Kongu as he was quickly carried across the gorge.

When they reached the other side, Nuparu simply dropped the Toa of Air to the ground, mostly because he was still so new to such an experience. “This is amazing!” said Nuparu in joy as he carried Matoro over in a similar way. “Why, if I built some tools that would help me stay level and steer, this mask would work even better!”

“It's a mask, Nuparu,” said Hewkii in annoyance. “I don't think you need tools to make it work.” One second later, he was the next one to be carried across the gorge.

After dropping off the Toa of Stone, Nuparu flew back to the other side and asked, “Who's next?”

“Take the kids, Jaller and I will go last,” replied Hahli.

Since the young dinosaurs were much shorter than the Toa, Nuparu had to actually land before he could grab them.

“I'm not so sure aboutó” said Cera before she was picked up and carried across the gorge, screaming all the way. Nuparu's other arm was around Spike with Ducky hanging on.”Put me down! Put me down!” shouted Cera. They had already reached the other side, so Nuparu simply dropped them to the ground, as he had done with everyone else. After hitting the ground, Cera got up and exclaimed, “Not like that!”

“That the spirit, Nuparu!” encouraged Petrie as he watched the Toa of Earth carry Littlefoot, Ruby, and Chomper across.

Meanwhile, Hahli was finding it hard to ignore a strange headache she was having. In fact, the closer they got to the volcano, the worse it seemed to get. Not sure what it meant, she turned to Jaller and said, “You should go next.”

“No, I insist you go next,” responded Jaller. “I'll act as rear guard.”

Hahli reluctantly agreed as Nuparu gently grabbed her by the shoulders and began to carry her across. They were halfway across when something went wrong. A sudden strong gust of wind blew across the gorge. Still new to flying, Nuparu was thrown off balance and lost his grip on the Toa of Water.

“Hahli!” shouted Littlefoot in terror as he and the others watched helplessly.

Jaller, apparently without thinking, ran and jumped off the edge of the gorge and caught Hahli. It seemed that now both of them were doomed to fall into the lava, but he somehow managed to use the momentum to flip through the air and land feet-first on the edge of the other side of the gorge. Everyone stared at the Toa of Fire in disbelief.

“Whoa, that was a new one,” said Hewkii.

“That impressive move was a very impressive move, Jaller,” commented Ruby.

“Even I found that one amazing,” added Cera.

“Who taught you how to do that?” asked Chomper.

After putting Hahli down, Jaller simply shrugged and said, “No one. It was the only thing to do, but... it shouldn't have worked. We should both be in the lava. I can't understand how...”

“Could it be your mask?” asked Hahli.

“What, it's a Mask of Leaping?” joked Kongu.

“Or maybe something much more powerful,” said Nuparu as he landed next to them. “I think we should test it, Jaller, and... I'm sorry about what happened.”

“That's okay, I forgive you,” responded Jaller.

Everyone then turned their attention to Kongu, almost expecting him to say another of his cutting remarks. Instead, he smiled and threw his arm around Nuparu's shoulders. “Come here, Toa-hero,” said Kongu. “Let me quick-teach you a little something about updrafts and downdrafts. I don't want you to crash and break that mask.”

Everyone couldn't help but laugh at this comment. It was good to see Kongu finally willing to accept the given mask powers of him and his fellow Toa.

The laughter was short-lived when Matoro spotted something. “Look out!” he shouted. Before anyone could react, a green sphere flew through the air and struck the Toa of Ice in the chest, creating a flash of electricity as it passed through him.

“No!” shouted Ruby in defeat. She and the other young dinosaurs had learned from Garan and the other Matoran that the Piraka had enslaved the Matoran of Voya Nui by firing green spheres like that one at them. They knew what this would mean for their friend. The Toa were unaware of that knowledge, so they waited to see what would happen. The blue-armored Piraka, Vezok, stepped out of his hiding place to see the results.

They all waited a few seconds. Nothing happened.

Vezok looked at his launcher in frustration. He fired another sphere at Matoro. Again, it hit him, and again, nothing happened. “What's going on here?” grumbled Vezok. “You should be enslaved!”

The gang was especially confused by this turn of events. Matoro had just taken two of those enslavement spheres and he appeared to have been completely unaffected. What was it that made him immune to those spheres?

“Oh, is that what that does?” said Matoro. He then raised his ice sword, figuring this must be the Piraka he heard about. “Then I don't feel so bad about doing this.”

Matoro focused his elemental energy and concentrated it into his weapon. He and the others had expected a blast of ice to fly forward, like he had seen Toa Kopaka do hundreds of times, but something different happened. The weapon glowed brightly before releasing a white beam of ice that was combined with lightning.

The Piraka took the full force of the attack, both the freezing cold of the ice and the jolting pain of the electricity all at once. He went down hard, but just seconds later, he jumped back to his feet with a huge grin on his face.

“That can't be good,” muttered Cera.

Vezok put away the launcher in his left hand, allowing him to have a free hand with which to fire the same exact attack he had just been hit with. His target was the Toa of Fire.

Jaller didn't think there was any way he could have avoided that attack, but he somehow managed to twist his body away just enough to dodge the ice blast. For a moment, he thought he had sensed the mask was actually approving of his actions. He was quite sure that most masks were incapable of such a life-like action, but he had to admit that it was far from the first weird detail about the organic masks that he and the other Toa wore. “So it is the mask,” muttered Jaller just loud enough for Littlefoot to hear him. It was now clear to Jaller that it was his mask power that allowed him to pull off incredible athletic feats. He then got up and said to the Piraka, “You picked the wrong Toa to throw snowballs at.”

Jaller raised his flame sword and focused his elemental energy into it. Like Matoro, Jaller's elemental flame attack was combined with lightning. Again, Vezok took the attack and went down. A few seconds later, he jumped back to his feet again.

“Get ready,” warned Matoro. “He duplicated my power when I used it on him. He'll do the same with Jaller's, but I'm guessing he can't handle more than one power at a time.”

Vezok put away his other weapon so that now both of his hands were free. He had a huge grin on his face as he raised his hands and said, “Guess again.” He unleashed both attacks at once. From his left hand, he fired an ice blast at Hahli. From his right hand, he fired a fire blast at Matoro.

Both Toa hit the ground. Ruby, Ducky, and Spike rushed over to check on them. They were okay, but not strong enough to fight back for the moment.

“Hey!” exclaimed Cera. “That's not fair!”

Vezok burst out laughing as if he had just heard the funniest joke ever. He looked at the young Threehorn and said, “Kid, let me give you a life lesson about the real world: Nothing is fair!” He then used his impact vision, sending Cera flying back a few bio. Petrie rushed over to check on her. She was sore, but alright.

“Stay behind us, kids,” said Jaller as he, Kongu, Nuparu, and Hewkii stood shoulder to shoulder between Vezok and the young dinosaurs. After what happened to Cera, they didn't want anyone else to get seriously hurt.

Hoping to find some useful information, Kongu used his mask power on Vezok. It took him only a second to realize what a bad idea it was. He cringed and exclaimed, “Muaka bones! It's a pest-hole in there! I've crawled through Rama nests that were cleaner than that!”

With that effort failed, Jaller knew he had to take the standard approach. “Who are you? What do you want?” asked Jaller.

“My name is Vezok,” replied the Piraka, confirming for the gang which one he was. “My partners and I have already claimed this island by right of conquest, and we don't like trespassers.”

“That's too bad,” taunted Nuparu. “We'reó”

“I know what you are,” interrupted Vezok. “Toa. I could smell you a kio away. You all have that ëdoomed do-gooder’ stench.”

Taking advantage of the distraction, Hewkii picked up a large boulder that was about the size of his torso. Unfortunately, Vezok had spotted him before he had a chance to throw it.

Vezok simply smiled at this foolish attempt. “Drop that or I'll freeze-fry your pals!” threatened Vezok.

Hewkii wasn't sure what to do at first. He knew this Piraka was a threat that had to be stopped. He didn't want to back down, but he also didn't want his friends and fellow Toa to get hurt. Then a strange thought crossed his mind. To him, it seemed like it came from his mask. Whatever it was, he had to admit that it was a crazy idea, but it just might work. He just had to trust his mask.

Hewkii shrugged and simply tossed the boulder aside. Spike, Ruby, and Matoro were the only ones who paid attention long enough to notice something unusual. The boulder hit another rock, deflecting it towards another rock, which then deflected it towards yet another rock, and this pattern just kept on going.

“Do yourselves a favor,” continued Vezok, oblivious to the unnatural trajectory of the boulder. “Clear off Voya Nui while you still can, or you'll wind up like those other Toa. You can't beat one Piraka, let alone six.”

“Guess again,” said Hewkii with a smile on his face. The flying boulder deflected off one more rock before it finally hit its target. The boulder slammed into Vezok's back, causing him to stumble forward from the surprise of it.

Taking advantage of this unexpected attack, Nuparu activated his mask power and flew straight at the Piraka, knocking him flat on his back. The other three Toa rushed over before he could get up.

“What was that?” asked Chomper about the boulder.

Hewkii simply smiled and said, “That was my mask power.”

“Wow, I guess this means we now know everyone's mask powers,” commented Ruby.

Meanwhile, Vezok had raised his hands and was preparing to strike back with his absorbed powers when Jaller stopped him by pointing his weapon at the Piraka's throat.

“Think about it, can you get off a blast before I do? Are you fast enough?” warned Jaller. He turned his head a bit so that he was now perfectly face-to-face with Vezok. “I don't need a Mask of Telepathy to know what's going through your head. You figure we're new to being Toa, maybe not quick enough or skilled enough to use our powers, and you're right. But, you see, there's only one problem... I'm so new, I can't always control my flame. I might want to just singe you, Vezok... but poor novice Toa that I am, I could slip... and burn your head clean off.”

Jaller had spoken so quietly that of the young dinosaurs, only Littlefoot and Chomper ó who were also the only ones who hadn't gone back to check on their downed friends ó had heard him. Jaller's threat had actually scared them a bit. Would this threat make the Piraka back down? If not, would Jaller go through with his threat?

Reluctantly, Vezok lowered his hands and held back his attack.

Kongu decided to turn back and check on Hahli, Matoro, and Cera to make sure they were okay, even though he already knew they were okay and already back on their feet. His main reason for doing so was to avoid getting exposed to any more of the Piraka's disturbing thoughts.

“Get up,” ordered Jaller to Vezok. “You're going to take us to those other Toa you mentioned.”

“Sure,” replied Vezok in defeat as he stood up. “I've never liked the smell of something burning... especially when it's me.”

Jaller shoved the Piraka ahead of him and began to follow. Hewkii and Matoro followed by Jaller's side. Behind them were Hahli and Nuparu to protect the young dinosaurs, followed by Kongu who acted as rear guard. The gang was quite nervous with this predicament. “Are you sure it's such a good idea to follow a Piraka?” asked Cera.

“He may be our only lead to the Toa Nuva,” replied Jaller.

Before Jaller could say anything else, Kongu picked up a devious thought from Vezok and shouted a warning. Before anyone could react, Vezok threw an ice blast and a fire blast at each other, resulting in the rapid creation of a large wall of steam that completely blocked everyone's view of the Piraka. Kongu moved quickly and used his elemental powers of air to blow away the cloud. Once the obstruction was gone, the Piraka was nowhere to be found.

“Do we track him?” asked Matoro.

Jaller shook his head and said, “I don't think it's worth it. He knows the island, and we don't.”

“If you follow him, he will pick you off one by one.”

Everyone immediately turned their attention to the source of that voice, which belonged to an Onu-Matoran who had just stepped out from behind a few large rocks nearby. Despite the lack of light, the gang immediately recognized him as their friend, Garan.

“He will be heading back to the stronghold to warn Zaktan of your approach,” Garan quickly continued. “We need to make our plans before he reaches there.”

“Zaktan? Stronghold? Who are you?” asked Matoro. The gang suddenly realized they had not yet told the new Toa much about what had happened on Voya Nui.

“My name is Garan,” replied the Onu-Matoran. “I will tell you my story on our journey. I'd suggest you listen, if you ever hope to leave this island alive.”

Everyone followed Garan as he led them towards the coast. “At least it's nice to see you again, Garan,” commented Littlefoot.

The Toa looked at Littlefoot in confusion. “You know this Matoran?” asked Nuparu.

“Yeah, we've been friends with him and a few others ever since we got here,” replied Cera.

“Why didn't you tell us about this?” asked Hewkii.

“I guess we kind of forgot to tell you,” replied Chomper. “Sorry.”

“That's okay,” assured Jaller. “The important thing is that we will now know the whole story.”
______

As the group headed towards and walked along the rocky coast of Voya Nui Bay, Garan told the Toa about everything that had happened on Voya Nui ever since the Piraka had arrived. The gang occasionally helped Garan tell some parts of the story. Then Garan came to the part where even the gang had not known what had happened, starting with their entrance into the stronghold with the Toa Nuva.

Garan explained how they got inside after Toa Lewa made Reidak unintentionally break the door down. After the Toa Nuva found their masks, they immediately went to deal with the Piraka, who at that point were literally fighting each other. They were about to attack Zaktan when his powerful new ally took down all six Toa Nuva and all six Matoran with just one swing of his blade. Littlefoot immediately remembered that this powerful being was Brutaka, but chose not to speak up. Garan then explained how Vezok had questioned him once he had regained consciousness. Despite the threat of certain death, he had refused to tell the Piraka anything that he or the other Piraka would have wanted to hear. Vezok had been about to throw Garan into a lava pool when Balta and the other Matoran rescued him and escaped from the stronghold. It wasn't until they had gotten away that Garan had realized that Dalu was missing.

“Does anyone know what happened to Dalu?” asked Chomper.

Garan shook his head. “She wasn't with Balta and the others when they awoke,” replied Garan. “We can only hope that she managed to escape.”

“I just have one question: why do you insist that we walk along the coast?” asked Hewkii.

“The waters around Voya Nui are so treacherous that the Piraka aren't expecting enemies to arrive by sea. Instead, they've been focusing their attention on the air. It seems they're expecting someone to come looking for them, someone far more frightening than a Toa.” Garan then stopped when he realized something. He turned around and asked, “You are Toa, aren't you? You don't look like the Toa Nuva.”

“Yes, we are Toa, but not Toa Nuva,” replied Jaller. He thought for a moment about what kind of Toa he and the others really were. He thought about the lightning bolts from the Red Star that had made them Toa, the way their maskless faces glowed, the way their weapons gave off energy, and how their elemental attacks were fused with lightning. Jaller then added, “No, not Toa Nuva. Toa Inika.”

Everyone immediately turned their attention to Jaller. The name caught the other Toa by surprise, but it made sense to them. The young dinosaurs, on the other hand, were simply curious what that word meant.

“Inika?” asked Littlfoot. “What's a Toa Inika?”

“ëInika’ is a Matoran word that means ëthe energies of a star,’” replied Hahli.

Now that they knew what that word meant, the gang also realized that it made sense to call these new Toa by that name. However, they had also noticed that Hahli had her hand on her head, as if she wasn't feeling well. “Hahli? Are you okay?” asked Ducky.

“I don't know,” replied Hahli. “For some reason, I suddenly have this terrible headache. I don't know if it was the name Jaller came up with, or seeing that volcano in the distance, or maybe even both.” The pain suddenly intensified. Hahli reacted by removing her mask. As soon as she had done so, all of the pain had suddenly disappeared. “So it is the Kanohi,” she said to herself. “Yet, somehow I know that it's not an attack. No, the mask is trying to direct us, but where?”

“At least put your mask back on,” said Kongu in annoyance as he held his arm over his eyes.

Hahli had forgotten about how her maskless face gave off a blinding glow, so she put her mask back on, even though it caused her slight headache to return.

“I've never seen a Toa do that before,” said Garan as he unshielded his eyes.

“Believe me, you're not the first one to say that today,” said Cera.

“So how much further is it?” asked Nuparu to Garan.

“This way,” replied Garan as he led the group through a nearby tunnel in the rock. It led upwards with many twists and turns, getting narrower the further it went. At the end of the tunnel, Garan slid aside a rock that revealed hole that was barely large enough for them to fit through. Everyone followed the Onu-Matoran through the opening into a small chamber. Waiting inside were four other Matoran. The gang quickly noticed the absence of a certain Ga-Matoran.

“This is all of you?” asked Kongu. “Five Matoran on an entire island?”

“Five still free,” replied Balta.

“Make that six.”

Everyone turned their attention to another entrance to the chamber, where they saw Dalu. While the other Matoran simply smiled to see that she was okay, the gang cheered at this sight. Balta was so happy to see Dalu again that he actually walked up to her and hugged her for a moment. After returning the embrace to the Ta-Matoran, Dalu turned to Garan and quickly reported, “I tried to get away, but didn't make it very far. I saw enough to know that you're right; the Piraka alliance is fracturing.”

“Then it is time to strike,” said Kazi.

Dalu nodded in agreement. “Never a better one. Hakann, Reidak, Avak, and Thok are nowhere to be found. Zaktan is in a rage over it. No one is watching the Matoran workers on the slopes of the volcano.”

“Whoa, slow down,” interrupted Matoro. “What's going on here? Where are the Toa Nuva?”

The young dinosaurs were also just as confused. They knew the Piraka didn't trust each other, but had no idea just how much of an opportunity this time would be. They were also wondering what had happened to the Toa Nuva.

“Dead, if they're lucky,” replied Garan. “If not, Zaktan has them, and I doubt he'll be as easy on them as Vezok was on us. The Piraka are looking for a treasure hidden on this island ó your friends said it was a mask needed to save the life of the Great Spirit. They enslaved our people to help them get their claws on it, and we are going to stop them.”

Garan walked up to Jaller to make his point clear to the Toa of Fire. “Your fellow Toa tried to help and paid the price. If you want to turn and go, we will understand, but if you want to aid us, you must decide now. This chance to hit the Piraka hard may not come again.”

Jaller already knew what his decision would be, but more than anything else, he was determined to not repeat the mistakes made by previous Toa of Fire ó like Tahu or Vakama ó that made problems even worse. He turned to the other Toa and, one by one, they all nodded their heads. He then turned to the young dinosaurs, who were here only for reasons unknown to anyone. As one, they too nodded their heads.

Jaller turned back to Garan and said, “You point us in the right direction. We'll handle the hitting.”
-------

Read and review, as always. If all goes well, I'm hoping to get a lot of progress done on this story by the end of summer.

[Pangaea]

Pangaea: I'm not sure if you noticed, but I already have been adding new scenes and dialogue into this story. For example, you may have noticed in that chapter that, in the text I used, the scene jumps from Matoro getting up to Nuparu returning to report his findings. Instead of having it be just a break between scenes, I wrote more details and dialogue. It's not the first time I've done this in this story, and I'm certain that it won't be the last.

Sorry, I didn't notice that. I'm afraid my powers of perceptiveness and attention to detail have been going down the tubes lately…

So all of the Toa Inika’s mask powers have been revealed by this point: Nuparu’s is flight, Matoro’s is the ability to have out-of-body experiences, Jaller’s is athleticism, Kongu’s is mind-reading, Hahli’s is the ability to see and communicate with spirits, and Hewkii’s…I’m still a little unclear on his; some sort of telekinesis, or just the ability to precalculate the trajectory of a flying object?

For some reason, I can’t come up with much to say about this chapter (other than that I was amused by the part where Kongu attempts to read Vezok’s mind ). Something that’s been troubling me about my recent reviews is that I feel that my positive feedback is too heavily outweighed by my criticisms. I can’t confidently place a reason why this is; part of it might be that there’s essentially less original material for me to praise because the fanfic largely follows the same plot as the Bionicle storyline, or maybe I’m just in a psychological rut that’s causing me to enjoy stories less. I still intend to keep reviewing, but I feel guilty about how critical my reviews have been lately.

Matoro focused his elemental energy and concentrated it into his weapon. He and the others had expected a blast of ice to fly forward, like he had seen Toa Kopaka do hundreds of time, but something different happened.

”Time” should be “times”.

Spike, Ruby, and Matoro were the only ones who payed attention long enough to notice something unusual.

Should be “paid”.

You figure we're new to being Toa, maybe not quick enough or skilled enough to use our powers, and your right.

“Believe me, your not the first one to say that today,” said Cera.

Should be “you’re”.

“Sure,”*replied Vezok as he stood up. “I've never liked the smell of something burning... especially when it's me.”

*Insert space.
Also, I had a suggestion that applies to your writing style in general, and just happens to be well illustrated in this sentence: In many cases when you describe a character speaking, I think you can add a lot more expression to their lines just by adding a little more detail to the “_____ said” part of the sentence. For example, this sentence doesn’t do much to indicate Vezok’s state of mind at the moment; you can emphasize that he is feeling intimidated, apprehensive, or whatever other emotion he is intended to be experiencing just by adding an adjective like “nervously”, “hastily”, etc. (I know that you do this sometimes, but rather rarely, and I notice that it almost always follows the formula of “[speech verb] [character name] in [noun form of emotion]”, such as “said Nuparu in concern”.) Not only would this help to differentiate your story more from the book text (which, as far as I can see, is rather bare-bones as far as descriptiveness goes), but it makes the story much more interesting to read, and helps the reader to connect with the characters more.

Before anyone could react, Vezok threw an ice blast and a fire blast at each other, resulting in the rapid creation * a large wall of stream that completely blocked everyone's view of the Piraka.

Should be “steam”.
*Insert “of”.

I was surprised to see Garan return, but his entrance in this chapter almost made him feel like a stranger, rather than someone the gang knew. He didn’t address the gang at all when he first spoke, and I would have expected them (the gang) to greet him immediately and start asking him questions such as how he escaped from the Piraka, subsequently introducing him to the Toa when they ask the obligatory “you know him?” question. As it was, Garan seemed out-of-character to me (not that I’m too good at memorizing the individual personalities of all of the Bionicle characters in this story, but…); his speech mannerisms (unemotional, to-the-point, and deadly serious) reminded me more of Axonn than any of the Matoran the gang had befriended before.

Garan then explained how Vezok had questioned him once he has regained consciousness. Despite the threat of certain death, he had refused to tell the Piraka anything that he or the other Piraka would have wanted to hear. Vezok was about to throw Garan into a lava pool when Balta and the other Matoran rescued him and escaped from the stronghold. It wasn't until they had gotten away that Garan * realized that Dalu was missing.

”Has” should be “had” and “was” should be “had been”.
*Insert “had”.

The young dinosaurs, on the other hand, were simply curious by what that word meant.

Remove “by”.

“ëInika’ is a Matoran word that means ëthe energies of a star.[/COLOR=RED]’*” replied Hahli.

Remove period.
*Insert comma.

Then Garan came to the part that even the gang had not known what * happened, starting with their entrance into the stronghold with the Toa Nuva.

Change “that” to “where”.
*Insert “had”.

“I just have one question, why do you insist that we walk along the coast?” asked Hewkii.

Change the comma to a colon.

“This way,” replied Garan as he then led the group through a nearby tunnel in the rock.

I would either remove “then”, change the highlighted bit as “leading”, or start a new sentence such as “He proceeded to lead…”.

I’m a little confused by what happened to Dalu. She said that she tried to get away, but didn’t get far. So she was recaptured while escaping, then escaped again? I think a more thorough explanation might be in order. Also, the others’ reaction to her return seemed rather lukewarm to me. Simply exchanging smiles upon finding out that she has escaped from the Piraka and made it backówhen the alternatives were that she was injured, enslaved, dead, or in imminent danger of any of the aboveómade it feel like a very halfhearted reunion scene. It may be a moot point, however, since frankly, Dalu’s initial failure to escape with the other Matoran seems to have no bearing on the plot (unless it is referenced later), making it an unnecessary detail in an already complicated story (not that it’s bad that this story is complicated, but I think it would benefit it to crop out some of the minor, non-plot-essential events and details from the original Bionicle storyline on which it is based; I suspect you’re already making an effort to do just this, so forgive me if I’m ). Personally, I think you could just write out the part about Dalu’s delayed escape; the information she shares about the Piraka’s alliance falling apart could just as easily be communicated by the Matoran group as a whole.

The Piraka are looking for a treasure hidden on this island ó you friends said it was a mask needed to save the life of the Great Spirit.

Should be “your”.

[Im little green glyder :J]

Cool mix of bionicle and LBT

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: Even though I rarely mention this, I do appreciate reading your reviews. Not just to point out errors and suggestions for improvement, but also I like seeing your thoughts on each chapter (such as parts you found particularly funny). To tell you the truth, I greatly appreciate any review that isn't a one-liner, and I know you don't do those.

Oh, and sorry, but I just can't resist the temptation to clarify the Toa Inika's mask powers, now that you've seen them in action. Jaller's mask is the Calix, the Mask of Fate, which allows the user to beat the odds and pull off near-impossible physical abilities; Hahli's mask is the Elda, the Mask of Detection, which allows the user to see invisible beings and find the Mask of Life through headaches; Kongu's mask is the Suletu, the Mask of Telepathy, which allows the user to read and project thoughts; Matoro's mask is the Iden, the Mask of Spirit, which allows the user to release their spirit from their body for a limited time; Hewkii's mask is the Sanok, the Mask of accuracy, which allows the user to hit any target they aim at with any object they throw; Nuparu's mask is the Kadin, the Mask of Flight, which allows the user to fly under their own power. I hope you're okay with me explaining this.

I literally didn't start this chapter until yesterday morning, so I hope that it's still a good chapter, despite the less than usual time I spent on it.

-------
Chapter 14
Voya Nui Liberated

Despite the urgency to strike at the Piraka while they were at their most vulnerable, Toa Jaller had decided to not simply attack them immediately. Unlike Toa of Fire that came before him, he did not want to take action without having an effective plan. Instead, he decided to discuss possible strategies with the other Toa and the Matoran, while the gang were asked to get as much sleep as they could during the few remaining hours of night.

Shortly after dawn, the Matoran woke up the gang. Once they were up, Garan got straight to the point.

“Sorry we had to wake you up, but we can't afford to waste any more time,” explained Garan. “Here's the plan: We're going to be splitting up into three groups. Dalu and Piruk are going to take Toa Jaller and Toa Hahli to the volcano to free the enslaved Matoran. Balta and Kazi will take Toa Hewkii and Toa Matoro and head up into the mountains to find a powerful ally who might help us. Velika and I will take Toa Nuparu and Toa Kongu to the stronghold and help them find the Toa Nuva... if we can find them.”

“So which groups are we going with?” asked Chomper.

“The Toa didn't want you to come with us, but I knew you wouldn't want to just stay here,” replied Garan. “I think you've already proven yourselves capable of handling the dangers of Voya Nui. I think it would be best to let you decide for yourselves which groups you want to be with.”

It didn't take long for the young dinosaurs to agree on which group each of them would go with. Within a few minutes, everyone was ready to leave.

Before they left, Littlefoot noticed Velika giving something to Jaller and Hahli. Littlefoot turned to Balta and asked, “What are those things Velika has?”

“Remember that launcher we stole from the Piraka a few days ago? Velika made improvements on it,” replied Balta. “That launcher can now fire four spheres instead of just one without reloading. I also managed to scavenge enough parts to allow him to make another of those launchers.”

“This doesn't make any sense,” said Littlefoot. “If we're going to free the Matoran, then why are we using the same things the Piraka used to enslave them in the first place?”

“Velika filled these spheres with something that should reverse the effect of the ones the Piraka used,” replied Balta. When he noticed his group was about to leave, he quickly added. “Piruk should be able to explain everything on the way.” He then headed out of the underground chamber with his group.

Littlefoot turned back to Velika and Toa Jaller. Unlike the green Zamor spheres the Piraka had used, these spheres were blue. Littlefoot was curious what was inside those spheres.

As the Po-Matoran handed the last of the spheres to Toa Jaller, he decided to offer words of encouragement. “There are times when flames can be the surest way to put out a fire,” said Velika to the Toa of Fire.

Before Jaller could ask what Velika had meant by that, the Po-Matoran began to leave the chamber with his group.

“Follow me, everyone,” said Dalu as she led the remaining group out of the chamber.
________

Jaller, Hahli, Dalu, Piruk, Littlefoot, and Petrie were headed for the slopes of the volcano. Their group was going to free the Matoran that had been enslaved by the Piraka.

Jaller looked again at the launcher in his hand. Although he understood what had to be done, he still wasn't sure if this would be the best way to do it. “What are these things loaded with?” asked Jaller, expressing his biggest concern. Both Littlefoot and Petrie were also wondering the same thing.

“Keep quiet and keep moving,” replied Dalu harshly.

Hahli was shocked by the tone of the Ga-Matoran's voice.

“Don't mind her,” said Piruk quietly to Jaller and Littlefoot. “She's just edgy. Anyway, that building we were in is an old fortress that was built long before Voya Nui floated where it is now. We were securing underground entrances to it when Velika found this silvery pool. None of us knew what it was, but he insists it will free our friends from the effects of the Zamor spheres. I snuck into the Piraka stronghold, stole some empty spheres, and Velika filled them up with the stuff. Who knows if they'll work... but even death would be better than being slaves to the Piraka, I guess.”

“Maybe a few of you would like to take a rest and discuss the history of Voya Nui?” snapped Dalu. “I'm sure Toa Hahli and I can manage this mission without any of you.”

Hahli was stunned by the words coming out of this Ga-Matoran. “Dalu!” exclaimed Hahli. “We're all on the same team here! Let's not fight among ourselves. In Metru Nuió”

“Right, I'm sure where you come from, Ga-Matoran are all gentle peacemakers who never raise their voices,” interrupted Dalu. “That's what they... we... were like where I came from, too. But I have news for you, sister ó this isn't Metru Nui. We don't have time to be polite. It's fight, or end up like them.”

Everyone turned to look at what Dalu was pointing at. Up the slope, just a short distance away, was a small group of Matoran digging away at the side of the volcano. The slow and constant pace of their labor and the sickly red glow in their eyes showed that these Matoran were indeed among the Piraka's slaves.

Dalu crouched down behind some rocks. Everyone else did so as well. The Ga-Matoran looked around and said, “We're in luck, no Piraka around. But if any of the workers spot us, they'll shout out an alarm and we'll have a fight on our hands, so aim true.”

Littlefoot and Petrie looked at each other with worried looks on their faces. It was bad enough being unsure if the substance Velika had found could free the Matoran. Now they also had to be careful to not get spotted. If that stuff doesn't work, this situation could get ugly, thought Littlefoot uneasily.

“You expect us to launch these spheres at them?” asked Hahli in disbelief. “When we don't even know what effects they might have?”

“Well, we could go ask them nicely to stop being worker drones for the Piraka, but somehow I don't think that will work,” replied Dalu. “If Velika says we use these things, then we use them.”

“She's right,” said Jaller as he took aim. “Maybe it's not what the Toa Nuva or the Turaga would do, but they're not here... and like she said, this isn't Metru Nui.”

Jaller triggered the launcher, sending one of the spheres flying towards the Matoran. His aim couldn't have been better, as the sphere struck one Matoran in the chest and harmlessly passed into his body. Nothing happened for a moment, but then red glow in his eyes faded away and he looked around in confusion. The other Matoran immediately realized something wasn't right. They grabbed their tools and began to approach the freed Matoran.

Seeing that the sphere had done its job, Jaller and Hahli were no longer hesitant and began to fire the rest of the spheres in their launchers at the Matoran. In no time at all, the rest of the group of Matoran had been freed. It was all over before the former slaves had a chance to warn anyone.

Dalu rushed up the slope to greet the confused Matoran. “Piruk will take you to a place of safety, but you have to move fast,” she said to them. “He'll explain what's been happening on the way. Once you have rested, you'll have your chance to fight, understand?”

The villagers nodded and began to follow the Le-Matoran as he led them down the slope.

“Me go with them to help quick-see any danger,” said Petrie as took to the air and followed the group of freed Matoran.

The rest of the group stood up and began walking to the next group of enslaved Matoran on the slope. Dalu turned to the Toa and said, “Next time, launch faster.” After turning back to look ahead, she quietly added, “And thanks.”

“Well, at least we know those spheres work,” commented Littlefoot.

“As long as we know where to find the rest of the Matoran, it won't be long until they're all free,” said Jaller as he loaded four more spheres into his launcher.

“Yes, it would be nice to put an end to this madness,” added Hahli. “I can't imagine how hard this must have been for the few Matoran that stayed free. Same for you and your friends, Littlefoot.”

“Yeah, it was hard at first,” admitted Littlefoot, “but now that you guys are here, I know the Piraka won't stand a chance. I just hope the other groups are doing as good as we are.”
________

Matoro, Hewkii, Balta, Kazi, Ducky, Spike, and Ruby were climbing up through a mountain pass. It had already been a long journey, and it seemed they were only halfway there.

“Tell me again where we're going,” said Matoro.

“Just trust me,” replied Kazi.

Matoro and Hewkii look at each other in concern. After hearing about what had happened to the Toa Nuva, they weren't sure if there was anyone else on this island they could trust. For a moment, Hewkii even considered the possibility that the Toa Nuva had been betrayed by the Matoran and Garan's story was a lie. He quickly rejected that idea, figuring that Littlefoot and the others would have turned against the Matoran if that had been the case.

At the back of the group, Spike was struggling to keep up with everyone. Only Ducky's words of encouragement kept him from stopping to rest.

Ruby looked back and noticed this, so she said, “Please try to keep up, Spike. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get the help we need.”

Reminded of why they were going this way, Hewkii turned to the Matoran and said, “You said you have an ally up here. If he's so powerful and on your side, where has he been all this time? Why did he let the Piraka take over the island?”

Kazi was about to say something, but was cut off by Balta.

“Sometimes you can't do what your heart tells you to... sometimes you have a duty to something greater than yourself,” replied Balta. He then stopped and turned to the Toa. “This is important. In the battle to come, Matoran may die, Toa may die, and it doesn't matter. None of it matters. The only thing that counts is keeping the Mask of Life out of the hands of the Piraka. If we all have to die and this island has to be blown to fragments to stop them, then that's what we'll do.”

Ducky gulped at hearing this. It had never occurred to her that somebody, let alone possibly a lot of people, might have to die to save the universe.

Hewkii shook his head and said, “There has to be a better way than total destruction. What kind of a victory is that?”

Balta continued walking and replied, “If you wanted nice, clean victories, Toa, you should have stayed on this Metru Nui you came from.”

“I wish I could go to Metru Nui. I do, I do,” commented Ducky nervously.

After a few more minutes, Kazi suddenly walked off the path to the right and climbed over some of the rocks. Hewkii tightened his grip on his weapon, expecting danger to arrive at any second.

“Where did he go?” asked Ducky.

As one, the rocks that Kazi had climbed over suddenly moved aside like a doorway to reveal the entrance to a cave. Kazi then jumped down from atop the opening and rejoined the group. “He's in there,” said the Ko-Matoran.

“Who is in there?” asked Ruby.

“Axonn,” replied Kazi and Balta at the same exact time. The two startled Matoran then looked at each other in confusion.

“I thought I was the only one who knewó” Kazi began.

“I met him not long ago,” said Balta. “He's the one who saved my life. You know, I was wondering why you also seemed to know how to get here. How long have you known he was here? Why didn't you tell anyone?”

“I think we should save those questions for later and answer a bigger question right now,” said Ruby, who was pointing into the cave.

Everyone looked into the cave and saw a massive figure slowly walk outside. There was no doubt that he appeared to be very powerful, but he was moving as if he barely had the energy to even walk. The large axe that he held was now being dragged along the ground with limited effort. Once he was out of the cave, he noticed Kazi and reached his hand out, then began to fall.

Realizing the figure was in rough shape, Matoro used his ice power to create a pile of snow to give the stranger a soft landing. The group then rushed to the figure's side and realized how serious his condition was. His battered and and scorched armor showed that he had recently been in a battle, and apparently lost.

“Is that Axonn?” asked Ruby.

Balta was too shocked by what he saw to say anything, so he simply nodded.

“What happened to you?” asked Ducky, very worried to see someone so seriously hurt.

“Kazi...” said Axonn weakly. “You and these Toa... you have to hurry...”

“What is it?” asked the Ko-Matoran. “Who did this to you?”

“Brutaka,” replied Axonn. “He said he was going to tell the Piraka how to find the Mask of Life... then steal it from them. He doesn't understand... what might happen... I tried to stop him, but...”

“Where was he headed?” asked Balta.

“The stronghold,” replied Axonn. “I thought I could bring him back to the way of Mata Nui... but he is lost in the darkness. Stop him... stop him even if you have to kill him to do it.” Then the light in his eyes went out.

Kazi knelt down beside Axonn to make sure he was okay. After a few seconds, he said, “He's alive, just unconscious. I should stay andó”

“No, we need you,” said Balta. He looked up at the Toa. “And we need you, too. Brutaka is the one who beat your friends, maybe killed them, we don't know. If he gets his hands on the Mask of Life, or the Piraka do, the universe dies screaming.”

To Hewkii, the expression on Balta's face showed determination like that of a Toa. All suspicion he once had of this Ta-Matoran or any other Matoran of Voya Nui was now gone. In its place was the understanding that this Matoran would do anything to protect his home.

Hewkii turned to the rest of the group and said, “Nuparu's group should be inside the stronghold by now, so we'll pick up Jaller's group on the way there. Hopefully, they'll have freed all of the Matoran by the time we get to them. We'll meet up with Nuparu's group in the stronghold, and then I'll show Brutaka how a Kolhii ball feels when it's kicked into orbit.”

As the group began to head back down the mountain pass, Ducky looked back at the fallen Axonn one last time. She sighed and sadly said, “I do not like this. No, no, no.”

“Don't worry, Ducky,” assured Ruby. “Remember, Littlefoot told us that Axonn won't go down so easily, so Axonn will be okay.” Ruby then looked ahead in concern as she thought about how Nuparu's group might be doing. “I just hope Chomper will be okay.”
-------

Read and review, as always. I'll get to the third group in the next chapter. I had a feeling that had I included that in this chapter, it would have made it twice as long, and I think this chapter is already long enough.

[Pangaea]

Pangaea: Even though I rarely mention this, I do appreciate reading your reviews. Not just to point out errors and suggestions for improvement, but also I like seeing your thoughts on each chapter (such as parts you found particularly funny). To tell you the truth, I greatly appreciate any review that isn't a one-liner, and I know you don't do those.

Thank you, Chronicler. That does make me feel more at ease.

Oh, and sorry, but I just can't resist the temptation to clarify the Toa Inika's mask powers, now that you've seen them in action. Jaller's mask is the Calix, the Mask of Fate, which allows the user to beat the odds and pull off near-impossible physical abilities; Hahli's mask is the Elda, the Mask of Detection, which allows the user to see invisible beings and find the Mask of Life through headaches; Kongu's mask is the Suletu, the Mask of Telepathy, which allows the user to read and project thoughts; Matoro's mask is the Iden, the Mask of Spirit, which allows the user to release their spirit from their body for a limited time; Hewkii's mask is the Sanok, the Mask of accuracy, which allows the user to hit any target they aim at with any object they throw; Nuparu's mask is the Kadin, the Mask of Flight, which allows the user to fly under their own power. I hope you're okay with me explaining this.

Absolutely! In fact I was hoping that you would clarify for me.

Finally, the characters are making some progress towards saving Voya Nui. How many enslaved Matoran are there, though? It seems to me that they’ll need a lot of those spheres. Is one of the members of the first group carrying a big load of prepared spheres? Also, do the spheres only work if they are fired from a Zamor launcher (I imagine they can be aimed most accurately that way, at least), or can they alternatively be thrown or dropped? If worse comes to worse, and the enslaved Matoran attack them, maybe Littlefoot, Petrie, or any other members of the gang who happen to be present would finally have a chance to do something to help out.

My biggest problem with this chapter was that there were a number of serious conversations that the LBT charactersódespite being presentówere almost never involved in. As a result, these conversations felt as if they were lifted straight from the text (differences in wording aside). For example, I really think Ruby, Ducky, and/or even Spike (behaviorally, of course) should have responded to this line:

“Sometimes you can't do what your heart tells you to... sometimes you have a duty to something greater than yourself,” replied Balta. He then stopped and turned to the Toa. “This is important. In the battle to come, Matoran may die, Toa may die, and it doesn't matter. None of it matters. The only thing that counts is keeping the Mask of Life out of the hands of the Piraka. If we all have to die and this island has to be blown to fragments to stop them, then that's what we'll do.”

Although the gang is familiar with life-and-death situations, the reality that they might not survive is seldom invoked in dialogue. As committed as they are to helping the Matoran, they’re still, after all, just kids, so one would expect that the prospect of dyingóespecially considering how Balta words itówould provoke a frightened reaction.

“Here's the plan, we're going to be splitting up into three groups. Dalu and Piruk are going to take Toa Jaller and Toa Hahli to the volcano to free the enslaved Matoran. Balta and Kazi and take Toa Hewkii and Toa Matoro will head up into the mountains to find a powerful ally who might help us.

Change the first comma to a colon and capitalize “we’re”. And I’m assuming “and” should be “will” or some other word.

It didn't take long for the young dinosaurs to agree on which group each of them would go with.

Even though you mention later which of the gang are accompanying which Matoran, I think that information should be established here as well.

“This doesn't make any sense,” said Littlefoot. “If we're going to free the Matoran, then why are * using the same things the Piraka used to enslave them in the first place?”

*Insert “we”.

Anyway, that building we were in is an old fortress that was built long before Voya Nui floated * where it is now.

*Insert “to”.

Ducky's words of encouragement were only enough to keep him from stopping to rest.

The grammar in this sentence seems off to me. I would suggest changing it to “Only Ducky’s words of encouragement hept him from stopping to rest”.

Hewkii tightened his grip on his weapon, suspecting danger to arrive at any second.

I would change this to “expecting”.

“I thought I was the only one who knewó” said Kazi.

Just to accentuate the fact that Kazi’s sentence gets interrupted, I would change this to “Kazi began” or something of the like. (This is in the same vein as the recommendation I made in my last review about spicing up descriptiveness when a character delivers a line.)

His appearance left no doubt that he was very strong and powerful, but he was moving as if he barely had the energy to even walk.

Given that these words are synonyms, you might want to change one of them to seem less redundant.

[Caustizer]

This chapter kept my interest pretty good... you are improving with each one and I can see the characters becoming more and more real and less robotic (pun not intended).  I agree on all of Pangaea's points that the gang did not feel present enough during some very important conversations, and yet in Littlefoot's case would discuss weapons and concepts that would be beyond their understanding as dinosaurs - the best instance being when Littlefoot and the Toa have a discussion about the 'new gun' that one of them created.

At the beginning of the chapter it would have definately added to it to include the members of the gang deciding which group to go with, since a character like Cera is going to have a different idea as to how to help the Toa then say Petrie.

A small thing I noticed that will improve your story flow is this set of sentences here:

Littlefoot turned back to Velika and Toa Jaller. Unlike the green Zamor spheres the Piraka had used, these spheres were blue. Littlefoot was curious what was inside those spheres.

As the Po-Matoran handed the last of the spheres to Toa Jaller...

In this case, the word 'spheres' appears four times in three sentences.  What I do is use synonyms such as 'orbs' or 'globes' and alternate between lines to improve the flow and make it sound better.

One thing that I have to mention is that I liked your little conflict between two of the Toa, which is one of the first times I have noticed in detail a case where two of the good guys directly don't get along.  This type of character development is something that should be done more often, and is highly welcome in my eyes.

Caustizer

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: Thanks for reminding me of the lack of dialogue/action of the gang in that chapter. That tends to happen in chapters like those.

Caustizer: I'll admit it, there are going to be chapters like this, where most of it is taken from the Bionicle books with the gang seemingly just added in. However, there will also be chapters where some or all of the gang will be the only ones present, which means more original material in those chapter. The most recent of those was chapter 10, and I'm expecting the next one will be chapter 17 (or 16, since it will be a bit of both). Also, could you be specific on which two Toa you see a conflict? Sorry for not noticing, but I would like to know why you think that.

Once again, I spent just two days writing this chapter, and I think I know why. The reason I seem to not start the next chapter until later in the week is because I seem to be inspired as soon as I get a review on the latest chapter. Clearly, I can't rely on that to get me to start the next chapter. (Don't worry, I don't blame any of you. This is a problem I have to solve myself.) I've been fortunate that these latest chapters had less original material than others, so it's easier to quickly write. The next few chapters will require more thought, so I must get started earlier so I can have more time to get them done right. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

-------
Chapter 15
Battle in the Stronghold

Chomper cautiously peeked over a small boulder he was hiding behind. He was very nervous, but also curious and wanted to get a better look at the fixed object that stood outside the main doorway. Big mistake. The robotic guardian of the stronghold spotted him and fired.

Fortunately, Garan moved quickly and grabbed Chomper as he ran by, not bothering to look back as the energy blast shattered the boulder. With Chomper still in his hands, Garan ducked to avoid another energy blast as he dove behind a large rock where Velika and Cera were hiding.

“Thanks for saving me,” said Chomper, terrified by what had almost happened to him.

Garan was more focused on getting everyone out of this bad situation, so he ignored Chomper and said, “It knows we're here. We need to withdraw.”

The rock Kongu was hiding behind had been hit so many times that it would no longer do as cover. Deciding to make a run for it, he dove and rolled across the rocky ground to reach the others, each blast narrowly missing him. Once he was behind the cover of the much larger rock, he turned to Garan and asked, “And do what? Come back later when it's deep-asleep? It's a machine!”

“I'm only suggesting that maybe your fears for your missing friends ó the Toa Nuva ó are blinding you to the real crisis on this island,” replied Garan.

While the Toa and Matoran argued, Chomper sat on the rocky ground. He was starting to regret his decision. “Oh, why did I agree to go with this group?” moaned Chomper.

“Because I'm the only one who wanted to go with this group and Littlefoot didn't want any of us to go alone. That's all,” replied Cera, rolling her eyes as she said the last sentence.

Meanwhile, Velika decided to help Garan prove his point in his argument with the Toa of Air. “That the Gukko birds of worry and care fly about your head, you cannot change,” said Velika. “But that they build nests in your mask, you can prevent.”

“You're worried about six Toa,” continued Garan. “I have the whole Matoran population of this island to protect!”

“And you've been doing a real happy-cheer job of that, from what I've heard!” snapped Kongu. “First we find the Toa Nuva, then we help the others rescue the rest of your Matoran. Got it?”

“I thought Toa always put the interests of Matoran first,” said Garan.

“I thought Matoran were taller,” responded Kongu. “Just another of life's little disappointments. Listen, I understand you want to help your friends, but had it not been for the Toa Nuva, none of my friends would be alive. I owe them.”

Nuparu shot through the air over their heads. He had taken to the skies in hopes of drawing fire from the robotic guardians away from the others. Unfortunately, there were two of those turrets, and only one of them was trying to shoot him out of the sky while the other continued to focus on trying to hit the others. “You two want to stop arguing and find a way to shut these things down?” asked Nuparu, frustrated that nobody was doing anything to help him.

“You're a Toa of Earth!” shouted Cera over the noise of the blasts. “Throw dirt at them or something!”

“The bird soars through the sky,” muttered Velika. “But if I were a colossus, and the sky was beneath my feet, could it truly be said the bird flew underground?”

Cera was about to ask what the Po-Matoran was talking about this time when Garan shouted to the airborne Toa, “Down! Go down!”

Not willing to ask any questions, Nuparu immediately began to dive straight into the ground. He fired his drill as he went down, boring a hole in the ground. Moving too fast for the turrets to hit him, he disappeared underground as he continued to fire his weapon.

“What's going on?” asked Chomper.

“Velika looks at things from a unique angle,” replied Garan. “He was suggesting a flying Toa of Earth might be well served by doing the same thing.”

Before anyone could say anything, they heard a loud explosion. “What was that?” asked Cera.

A few seconds later, another loud explosion was heard. The two Matoran immediately peered around the rock, followed by Kongu, Cera, and Chomper. In place of the two robotic guardians were flaming piles of wreckage.

A few seconds later, Nuparu flew out of the hole in the ground he had made. He landed next to the others with a smile on his face. “Armored all over,” he said, “except at the bottom. One shot from below, and boom. I should have figured that out myself.”

Seeing that his idea worked, Velika smiled proudly and patted Toa Nuparu on the arm.

“We may want to save the congratulations for later,” said Garan as he pointed at the wreckage.

Everyone turned to see some of the pieces were starting to move on their own. They soon realized that the pieces were actually moving towards each other.

Cera couldn't believe what she was seeing. “What's happening?” she asked nervously.

“They're reassembling themselves,” replied Nuparu. “Let's get inside before they finish. Round two might not go as smoothly.”

Not wasting any time, everyone immediately rushed to the gateway. However, the massive door was locked shut. Figuring there was only one way to get inside, Nuparu aimed his drill at the door.

Kongu knew there was a better way, so he reached his hand out and gently lowered Nuparu's weapon. “Too noisy,” said Kongu. “Let me.”

Toa Kongu quickly aimed his crossbow at the lock on the door and fired. The small bolt of energy was more than enough to remove the lock, allowing the door to swing open.

“Well, that was easy,” commented Cera. She turned to Kongu, only to see Velika taking a close look at the crossbow as if it was the greatest device he had ever seen. For an inventor, he's even worse than Nuparu, thought Cera.

Garan gently pulled the Po-Matoran away and said, “Not now. There will be time for this after we are done here.”

Not wanting to deal with the robotic guardians again, everyone walked through the opened doorway into the stronghold. They had only walked a few steps when Chomper shivered and said, “It's cold in here.”

Everyone else noticed the rapid drop in the temperature, but chose not to speak up about it. After going around a corner, they came across a hallway with many large doors.

“I bet the Toa Nuva are behind one of those doors,” said Nuparu.

“But which one?” asked Chomper.

“Let's just try every door,” suggested Cera.

Kongu shook his head and said, “I don't think we have enough time for that. There has to be a better way.”

“No matter how vast a building may be, no door must be left unopened,” said Velika softly.

Garan looked at the Po-Matoran in confusion for a second before saying, “I guess this means we go with Cera's idea.”

“All right, let's see what behind door number one,” said Toa Kongu as he aimed his crossbow at the lock on the nearest door. Like on the outside door, the small energy bolt quickly destroyed the lock, allowing Nuparu to open the door.

Cera saw nothing but darkness inside the room. “I can't see a thing,” said Cera. “How about you, Nuparu?”

Being a Toa of Earth, Nuparu was naturally more able to see in the dark than Toa of any other element. After quickly scanning the room, he replied, “Nothing. Just an empty room.”

“Okay, let's try door number two,” said Kongu as he headed for the next door.

Behind the second door was a chamber filled with random scraps of equipment. Once again, Garan had to pull Velika away so they could keep going. The next three doors yielded similar results to the first two. Behind the next door was something rather peculiar. At first, it seemed like another empty room, but a closer look revealed crude writing carved into the walls.

“Hey, I remember seeing something like this,” said Chomper as looked closely at one of the carvings.

“Yeah, it's that way of talking without actually speaking that Takua told us about,” agreed Cera.

“It's called ëwriting,’” Kongu reminded the young dinosaurs.

“What do they say?” asked Chomper.

Nuparu, who had looked at every wall while the others had talked, replied, “Just two words over and over again: ëVezok.’ and ëVezon.’ That makes no sense. Vezok's a Piraka... but Vezon is the Matoran word for ëdouble.’ I don't see the connection.”

Everyone turned to Velika, expecting him to have an answer, but the Po-Matoran simply shrugged his shoulders.

The group continued to open every door in every hallway they walked through. Again, many of the rooms were completely empty. Eventually, they came across a massive chamber that was filled with all kinds of objects and looked like it had been used recently. A cage hung from the ceiling in one corner of the chamber, while another corner had a pile of valuable artifacts; no doubt all of them were stolen from various places.

“What is that?” asked Chomper as he pointed at something mechanical in the center of the room.

“I'm not sure,” replied Kongu as he approached the strange device. He then noticed a carving on a tablet on the floor nearby. Figuring it might explain what this thing was, he picked up the tablet and read it over. After a minute of reading, the Toa of Air said, “It looks like it's supposed to quick-teach the user how to stay atop a wild animal.” He showed the tablet to Chomper. “Look, this tablet also shows a Piraka riding what looks like the massive Tahtorak of Turaga Vakama's tales. Glad I missed that.” He then tossed the tablet aside.

“Kongu!” Nuparu suddenly cried out. “Over here!”

Kongu, Chomper, and Cera rushed to the Toa of Earth. Garan and Velika were already there and looking up at a wall. The three of them looked up and at what the others saw. Kongu was immediately horrified by what he saw.

Hanging from large rusty nails were six Kanohi masks. Cera knew that she and her friends had never seen these masks before, and neither had they seen the Toa Nuva with their masks on ó even though the Toa Nuva had retrieved them shortly before being defeated again. However, even Cera had to admit that there was a connection between those two facts. She may have doubted a lot of things, but Nuparu's reaction was more than enough to convince her that these were indeed the masks of the Toa Nuva.

“Mata Nui, preserve us,” whispered Nuparu.

“It may already be too late for that,” replied Kongu in shock. “I don't know what this means ó whether they were simply brought to down-ground, or they're dead ó but I do know they have to be avenged.”

“Do we... do we take them with us?” asked Chomper.

Kongu shook his head and replied, “We have no way to easy-carry them, and no suva to leave them on. Nuparu and I need our hands free for combat, especially now. They will be ever-safe here. Trust me, the Piraka won't get the chance to touch these masks again.”

No words were spoken as the group left the chamber. The Toa Inika had come to Voya Nui to find the Toa Nuva. Now, they realized that it was a very real possibility that the Toa Nuva would never be found. The group continued their search through the stronghold, now more desperate than ever to find the Toa Nuva. If no other trace was found, there was no doubt in their minds that the Piraka would pay for their actions.

The group searched through more hallways and empty rooms until they went around another corner that lead them to a massive chamber. In the middle of the chamber was what appeared to be a massive Zamor sphere, filled with the greenish-black substance the Piraka had used in their Zamor spheres.

“This is the chamber where my friends and I, along with the Toa Nuva, were defeated not so long ago,” said Garan solemnly. He then looked at the massive vat in the center of the chamber. “Piruk told me about that from one of his spying missions. The substance in that vat is what the Piraka used to enslave my people. They must never be allowed to do such a thing to others. We must destroy the virus.”

“And what a terrible waste that would be.”

The Toa, Matoran, and young dinosaurs quickly turned around to see the Piraka, as well as Brutaka, standing in the entrance to the chamber.

“I might not be able to recreate it,” continued Zaktan. “And then I would lose the chance to make you and your companions kneel before the Piraka. It would be a fitting final memory of Voya Nui.”

“Final, huh?” said Kongu as he tightened his grip on his weapon. “If you're planning a quick-trip, we'll be glad to help you get going.”

“When we leave this wretched rock, we will be stepping over your corpses,” threatened Brutaka.

“And with the Mask of Life in hand,” added Hakann, who quickly glanced at Avak, Reidak, and Thok, all of whom nodded in return. Cera noticed this gesture and began to grow suspicious.

“Now the only question is, how do we go about ending your miserable lives?” asked Zaktan. “We've killed Toa in so many ways over the centuries, and I hate to repeat myself.”

Suddenly, a large explosion blew a massive hole in one of the walls of the chamber. Some of the rubble knocked over the vat, but Brutaka rushed over and caught it before it would have hit the floor and shattered. Everyone looked towards the hole and saw some familiar figures walk through the cloud of dust. The group was very pleased to see that the two other groups had arrived to help. They moved to the hole in the wall to rejoin their friends.

“Two choices,” said Jaller in determination. “You can leave this island now, under your own power, or we can throw you off. Choose the first ó get out, stay out, and go far from our sight ó and you can lead long, if rotten, lives. Chose the second, and there won't be enough of you left to feed a Makuta fish. I'll give you some time to consider surrendering. Oops, time's up. Let's do what we came here for, friends. Let's take them down!”

As the Toa jumped into battle against the Piraka, Garan explained what the group of Matoran and young dinosaurs would do next. “The Toa Inika will keep the Piraka occupied, so we must take advantage of this opportunity to search the stronghold. We will find the Toa Nuva, give them back their masks, and get them to join the fight.

“You guys go ahead,” said Littlefoot. “My friends and I talked about it on the way here, and we've decided to stay here and see if the Toa Inika will be alright.”

Garan nodded. “I understand. Try to stay out of the battle, and if the Toa fall... get out of here and don't look back.”

Littlefoot nodded in understanding. The six Matoran then sneaked their way around the fight and began their search through the stronghold.

“How did you guys do?” asked Cera.

“Jaller and Hahli managed to free a lot of the Matoran,” replied Littlefoot. “We don't know if we got them all, since so many seem to be missing. On the way here, Dalu asked Hahli to give her launcher to the first group of Matoran we freed, so if there are some Matoran slaves still out there, the freed Matoran will be able to save them. Jaller insisted that he keep his launcher, saying that he and the other Toa might need it for a different purpose at some point.”

Cera turned to Ruby, Ducky, and Spike. “How about you? Did you find Axonn?”

“We found Axonn, but... I don't think Axonn will be able to help us,” replied Ruby.

“Let me guess, Brutaka?”

Ruby nodded.

“How did your group do, Cera?” asked Littlefoot.

Cera sighed. “We found their masks, but that's it,” she replied. Everyone lowered their heads, understanding what this could mean.

“Let's just hope that Garan and the others will find them,” said Littlefoot as he turned his attention to the battle. His friends also decided to see how the Toa were doing.

It was impossible to hear any dialogue over the noise of the battle, but the gang had to admit that just watching the battle was overwhelming enough.

The white Piraka, Thok, had brought down Hahli with his spellbinder vision. Hahli quickly managed to break the Piraka's concentration by firing her weapon at him. After getting struck again, Thok used his ability to bring objects to life by trapping the Toa of Water in giant hands made of stone from the floor.

Toa Matoro was locked in combat with the blue Piraka, Vezok, when he saw his trapped teammate. He used his elemental power to mostly encase Vezok in ice, then rushed over to help Hahli. Thok fired his weapon at the Toa of Water, but Matoro deflected the attack with his own weapon.

As the Toa of Ice charged at the Piraka, Hahli had managed to free herself from the stone hands. At the same time, Vezok ó whose head was the only part of his body not covered in ice ó used his impact vision to shatter the ice that trapped him. He then charged into battle against the Toa of Water.

Hewkii had succeeded in drawing Brutaka away from the other Toa, but still had to either trap him or take him down. The Toa of Stone used his elemental power to raise stone barriers around Brutaka, but Brutaka had more than enough strength to bring down every single one of them with his bare fists. Finally, Hewkii ripped open the stone floor, causing Brutaka to fall into the crevice. Hewkii then ripped stone from the walls and ceiling and used them to seal the crevice and effectively trap Brutaka inside. The Toa of Stone then joined Jaller in fighting the unstoppable black Piraka, Reidak.

Nuparu was struggling to land a blow on the seemingly untouchable green Piraka, Zaktan. The Toa of Earth had tried to slam a giant earthen fist into Zaktan, but the Piraka leader had simply dispersed his substance to allow the fist to pass harmlessly right through him.

The brown Piraka, Avak, had used his special power to create perfect prisons on Kongu, tapping the Toa of Air in what appeared to be a giant empty Zamor sphere. For an unseen reason, Kongu was holding his breath. A few seconds later, Avak suddenly held his head in pain and collapsed, causing the prison to disappear and allow Kongu to breathe again.

As all of this was happening, the red Piraka, Hakann, seemed to be simply watching the battle on the sidelines. He's up to something, thought Cera. I know it.

“Whoa, look at Nuparu!” exclaimed Petrie as he pointed at the Toa of Earth.

Toa Nuparu had put his mask power to a creative use. He was in the air and spinning around very rapidly, drawing the billions of tiny pieces that made up Zaktan in his wake. He then whipped his body around so that Zaktan slammed into a wall. The Piraka responded with his laser vision. Nuparu then flew out of the chamber through the big hole in the wall, taking Zaktan with him.

“Where's he going?” asked Chomper.

“Let's find out,” replied Littlefoot.

Without any second thoughts, the gang followed Nuparu as he flew out of the stronghold and over the island. It was hard to follow him, but they managed to run just fast enough to see where he was going. The gang reached the top of a hill just in time to see the Toa of Earth plunge into Voya Nui Bay.

Ducky gasped as she saw this. “Does he know how to swim?” she asked.

“That's Toa of Stone who can't swim. He's a Toa of Earth,” Cera reminded her.

“But still, we should make sure he's okay,” said Littlefoot as he led his friends to the coast.

By the time they got to the coast, they saw Toa Nuparu standing on the shore, holding what appeared to be nothing more than a large pile of earth.

“Nuparu!” shouted Littlefoot as he ran up to the Toa of Earth. “What happened?”

“I decided to take Zaktan for a swim,” replied Nuparu with a smile on his face. “Apparently, he's not very good at it.”

“Where is he?” asked Chomper, looking around in worry.

“Right here,” replied Nuparu, holding up the large wad of earth. “It's kind of hard to carry someone whose body is like a swarm of insects, so I decided to simply encase him in a cocoon made of earth. Of course, I had to at least make it loose enough for him to be able to breathe.”

“Wow, nice work, Nuparu,” said Littlefoot.

Nuparu hefted the earthen cocoon onto his shoulders and said, “Let's get back to the stronghold. One way or the other, I'm sure the battle will be over by the time we get there.”

The gang followed Nuparu, pleased to see that at least one Toa was successful today. However, nothing could prepare them for what would await them at the stronghold.
-------

Read and review, as always.

[Pangaea]

Finally I manage to review a chapter on the same day it’s posted!

I thought you did a much better job of giving the LBT characters their fair share of lines in this chapter, though I was disappointed that they still did not get to actually contribute anything to the Toa and Matoran’s endeavor. I very much enjoyed the “break-in” scenes in the first half of the chapter; even when the characters weren’t dodging fire from the robotic guards, I found it exciting.

Chomper cautiously peeked over a small boulder he was hiding behind. He was very nervous, but also curious and wanted to get a better look at it.

It is never mentioned what exactly Chomper is trying to get a better look at.

I don’t recall the Piraka stronghold’s “robotic guardians” being mentioned before. I think you should go into more detail here, such as describing what they look like and how they work (e.g., are they mobile, or stationary like a gun turret?).

“It's getting our range. We need to withdraw.”

Not a mistake (I saw that it came directly from the text), but I was unclear on what exactly Garan meant by “getting our range” (and I don’t think that Chomper or Cera would understand those terms either). I think this part could benefit from being reworded.

The small bolt of energy was more than enough to remove the lock, allowing to door to swing open.

Should be “the”.

She turned to Kongu, only to see Velika taking a close look at the crossbow as if it was the greatest device he had ever seen. For an inventor, he's even worse than Nuparu, thought Cera.

Behind the second door was a chamber filled with random scraps of equipment. Once again, Garan had to pull Velika away so they could keep going.

I enjoyed these two little scenes. I appreciated the first for being a continuity nod to your last story (when the gang knew Nuparu as an Onu-Matoran obsessed with inventing); something I love to see in serial works (You do this again later with Cera and Chomper’s comments on the writing). The second one just made me laugh.

Eventually, they came across a massive chamber that was filled with all kind of objects and looked like it had been used recently. A cage hung from the ceiling in one corner of the chamber, while another corner had a pile of valuable artifacts, no doubt all of them were stolen from various places.

”Kind” should be “kinds”, and the comma should either be changed to a semi-colon, or changed to a period with the following line beginning a new sentence. By the way, “valuable artifacts” is a bit of a vague term, and I don’t think Cera and Chomper would recognize the value of those objects, whatever they are.

“It looks like it's supposed to quick-teach the user how to stay atop a wild animal,” He showed the tablet to Chomper.

Change comma to period.

I don’t quite understand why the group was so horrified just to find the Toa Nuva’s masks. Didn’t the Toa Nuva tell them that they had been stolen earlier by the Piraka? And the Matoran were captured with the Toa, so the discovery of the masks shouldn’t change anything as far as revealing what happened to the Toa Nuva. I know that this scene comes from the books, but I think that you could change it so that it makes more sense.

Suddenly, a massive explosion blew a missive hole in one of the walls of the chamber.

”Missive” should be “massive”, but seeing as you just used the word “massive” earlier in the sentence, I would suggest making it a different word entirely.

Kongu and Nuparu moved to stand next to their fellow Toa at the front, while Garan and Velika went to their Matoran friends and Cera and Chomper rejoined their friends at the back.

This sentence came off as a little awkward, probably because three sets of characters are moving around to merge with three groups of other characters; it might be a little too much activity to be summarized like this. It is also not directly stated who is in the group of new arrivals, considering that there were two groups before; it can only be inferred from further reading that the groups 1 and 2 reconvened offscreen before going to meet group 3.

It was impossible to hear any dialogue over the noise of the battle. Hahli was struggling against the white Piraka, Thok. Matoro encased the blue Piraka, Vezok, in ice so he could help the Toa of Water. Nuparu seemed to have his hands full trying to fight the seemingly untouchable green Piraka, Zaktan. Hewkii ended his fight with Brutaka by using his elemental powers to rip open the stone floor and make Brutaka fall into the hole, then then cover the hole with stone from the walls and ceiling. Hewkii then joined Jaller in fending off the black Piraka, Reidak. The brown Piraka, Avak, had used his special power to create perfect prisons on Kongu. For an unseen reason, the Toa of Air was holding his breath.

I regret to share my all-too-frequent gripe that this scene is not detailed enough. The good news is that I think it has a lot of potential; the confrontations between each of the Toa and Piraka just need to be elaborated on, with each one given its own short paragraph, rather than just a single short sentence. And the rest of the chapter (the part with Nuparu) was VERY good. I especially loved the post-battle conversation the gang had with him, one of my favorite lines being Nuparu’s, “I decided to take Zaktan for a swim…Apparently, he's not very good at it”; it just felt like a perfect Bionicle quip.

Ducky gasped as she saw this. “Does he know how to swim?” she asked.

“That's Toa of Stone who can't swim. He's a Toa of Earth,” Cera reminded her.

Another great little callback to Quest for the Energy Stones. Nice to see that the gang know their Matoran.

“It's kind of hard to carry someone whose body is like a swarm of insects, so I decided to simply encase him in earth, making sure it's porous enough to allow him to breathe.”

I thought that this part was just a little too close to the text. It sounded a little odd being spoken by Nuparu when it was originally part of the narrative. I’d just have him explain what he did with Zaktan in different words.

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: I live one time zone ahead of you, so what I see on my end is that you posted just after midnight, but it doesn't change the fact that you posted your review just 4 1/2 hours after I posted the chapter, so good job.  For many of the problems you had pointed out (like the Toa Nuva's masks), I thought details from earlier chapters would have already explained them, but since you seemed to have missed them, I decided to add more to the chapter to help "remind the reader," so to speak. Also, I suggest you might want to try double checking (and triple checking) long posts, which is what I always do before I post each chapter. I'm pointing this out because I noticed this:

I don’t recall the Piraka stronghold’s “robotic guardians” being mentioned before. I think you should go into more detail here, such as describing what they look like and how they work (e.g., are they mobile, or stationary like a gun turret?) an earlier chapter? I think you should describe what

The last sentence or two definitely seem to be incomplete.

I'm very pleased with the progress I made on this week's chapter. I managed to start it much earlier in the week and got it finished a few days ago. This is very good for me, because it's given me enough time to copy text from the next Bionicle book onto my computer, so that I can start working on the next few chapters. Here's the next chapter.

------
Chapter 16
An Uneasy Alliance

(Something isn't working in editing this part of this post.)
________

As the Piraka continued to work on their Zamor sphere, Axonn walked up to Toa Jaller and handed him a Zamor sphere of his own. “You're going to need this,” said Axonn.

Jaller looked at the glowing yellow sphere in his hand. “For what?” asked Jaller.

“Jaller, the Mask of Life is not just any Kanohi,” replied Axonn. “It's powerful... in the wrong hands, devastating... and it needs protection. Ages ago, at almost the dawn of time, my people hid the mask away and placed guardians around it.”

Jaller assumed he knew who these guardians were, so he said, “You and Brutaka.”

“Oh, if it were only us there might be no danger,” continued Axonn. “No, what protects the Mask of Life are things infinitely worse ó beings beyond good or evil, who exist for one purpose: to keep the unworthy away from the mask. Even I, one of those assigned to protect this ultimate Kanohi, would not be allowed to lay hands upon it without first overcoming them.”

“So if we defeat them ó if we prove ourselves worthy ó we can get the Mask of Life,” said Jaller. “And if we're unworthy?”

“They will kill you,” replied Axonn.

Jaller looked to the right and saw a glowing red sphere in Zaktan's hand. “The Zamor sphere is finished,” declared the Piraka leader.

“I'll take it,” said Hewkii as he held out his hand. “My mask power will allow me to hit them on the first shot.”

“I hate Toa... but I despise traitors,” muttered Zaktan as he handed the sphere to the Toa of Stone.

Jaller turned back to Axonn and said, “It looks like we're ready to get moving. Are you coming with us?”

“No,” replied Axonn. “I'm staying here.”

“I see,” said Jaller, nodding. “As backup, just in case we fail?”

Axonn shook his head and looked down at Brutaka, who still lay motionless on the floor. “No, Toa. Just in case you succeed,” said Axonn.

“I get it now,” said Littlefoot, who had been listening in on the conversation. “If we do succeed, the power that Hakann and Thok had stolen will be returned to Brutaka, and you will be here to hold him back so he won't stop us from finding the Mask of Life.”

Axonn nodded solemnly. It pained him to think that he would have to battle his old friend to save the universe.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” said Cera, bringing Jaller and Littlefoot's attention back to the others. “Let's stop wasting time and get going.”

Toa Jaller silently nodded and led the group of Toa, young dinosaurs, and Piraka out of the chamber through the hole in the wall and out of the stronghold.
________

The group followed Axonn's directions to the Mask of Life, knowing that was where Hakann and Thok were sure to be going. Although the mask was in a chamber beneath the lake of lava, the only way to get to it was through a long underground stairway. The entrance to that stairway was south of the volcano, somewhere within the Green Belt.

“Are we still on the right path, Chomper?” asked Littlefoot. He had asked this a few times to make sure that they were indeed following Hakann and Thok.

Chomper sniffed the air a few times and replied, “Oh yes, definitely.”

The group was about to enter the Green Belt when Petrie pointed out flames in the distance.

“Well, at least they aren't making it hard for us to track them,” said Jaller.

“A trail of destruction. How careless of them,” joked Kongu.

Vezok chuckled and said, “It's almost as if they want us to hunt them down.”

“Or maybe they finally realized the only beings powerful enough to stop them are each other,” added Avak.

“In that case, I say we hold back and wait for one of them to be defeated, then finish off the other one,” said Reidak.

“I just hope they don't blow up the whole island while they're at it,” said Cera.

As soon as those words left her mouth, there was a massive explosion at the source of the flames. Fortunately, everyone was far enough away to not be affected by the blast, but the sight of it was still devastating.

“It's too much to hope they were killed by that explosion, right?” asked Matoro.

Jaller turned to the Toa and said, “Nuparu, Kongu, scout ahead and see if they're still alive.”

The two Toa nodded. Kongu ran to the site of the explosion, while Nuparu activated his mask power and flew over to the devastated area.

“This is so scary. It is, it is,” said Ducky nervously.

“Aw, it's so scary,” mocked Reidak. Then his tone changed to an aggressive one. “Get used to it, runt!”

Cera shook her head and said, “You guys better be good at stopping them. The sooner we can stop working together, the better.”

“Couldn't agree more,” muttered Zaktan.

Toa Nuparu quickly returned from his scouting mission and landed next to Jaller and Hahli.

“I'm surprised that didn't happen before,” said Nuparu. “A Piraka with heat vision on a volcanic island probably riddled with gas pockets. One glance in the wrong direction and boom.”

Toa Kongu ran back to the group and reported, “They're both alive, but thought-jumbled. We need to strike now!”

Jaller turned to the others and said, “We move in. Kongu, you're with Nuparu; Hahli, with Hewkii; Matoro, with me; and the Pirakaó”

“Will see to themselves,” finished Zaktan harshly. “We agreed to help you for our own reasons. We did not agree to take your orders, Toa.”

“Maybe you'd rather go for another swim?” asked Nuparu, smiling.

Zaktan glared at the Toa of Earth in response.

“What about us?” asked Littlefoot.

“Stay here,” replied Jaller. “It's way too dangerous to let you anywhere near them.”

“I don't get it,” said Ruby. “If you won't let us help you stop Hakann and Thok, then why did you let us help you find Hakann and Thok?”

“It would be too dangerous to leave you at the stronghold with Brutaka,” replied Matoro.

“I don't care how dangerous it is,” declared Cera. “We didn't come all this way just to stay away from the fight. We're helping you.”

“Mata Nui, for your own safety, you need to stay here!” exclaimed Hewkii.

“Come on!” shouted Reidak. “You'll never get them to listen to you like that! You have to threaten them!” He then began to charge at the young dinosaurs, but was stopped when Zaktan held out his arm in front of him.

“Allow me,” said the Piraka leader calmly before approaching the gang.

The gang was petrified as they watched Zaktan walk up to them. They had heard about what this Piraka was capable of, and occasionally even seen it too. The power that made him the unquestioned leader of the Piraka was that fact that his body was more like a swarm of tiny but deadly insects than a solid mass. His every movement sounded like dry leaves blowing in the wind, the sound amplified by every step he took. Finally, the Piraka leader stood right in front of them.

Zaktan opened his mouth to speak when Cera suddenly said, “Okay, we'll stay here, right guys?”

The rest of the young dinosaurs quickly agreed with her. None of them were interested at all in seeing how Zaktan would threaten them.

Zaktan smiled at his accomplishment and turned back to rejoin the Piraka.

“Was that really necessary?” asked Hewkii.

“Let it go, Hewkii,” said Jaller. “The important thing is they'll be safe.”

Zaktan turned to the Toa and said, “We'll strike first. We know their weaknesses very well, and I'm sure some of us have been desperate to see an end to those two.” Vezok clenched his weapons more tightly in anger, showing how much he despised Hakann. “Once that Zamor sphere has been fired, this alliance will be over and we will take you down, Toa.”

Toa Jaller nodded and said, “So be it.”

Zaktan led the Piraka off the path and into the forest.

“Should we just let them go?” asked Hahli.

“They may be taking a different route, but they're headed to the same place we are,” replied the Toa of Fire. “Straight into the fire.”

As the Toa began to continue down the path, Matoro turned back to the gang and said, “Try not to follow us, and don't worry, we'll be fine.”

“Be careful,” said Ruby as she and her friends watched the Toa charge into the battle.
------

Read and review, as always. The next chapter will use text from the next Bionicle book in the series, so I'm definitely glad I had time this week to start copying that text onto my computer.

[Pangaea]

Well, so much for the glimmer of hope that I would make a habit of reviewing chapters promptly. I’m so sorry about taking so long (again).

Also, I suggest you might want to try double checking (and triple checking) long posts, which is what I always do before I post each chapter. I'm pointing this out because I noticed this:

I don’t recall the Piraka stronghold’s “robotic guardians” being mentioned before. I think you should go into more detail here, such as describing what they look like and how they work (e.g., are they mobile, or stationary like a gun turret?) an earlier chapter? I think you should describe what

The last sentence or two definitely seem to be incomplete.

Glah! Not again! You can blame my forgetfulness and scatterbrainedness for that oversight. I’ve fixed it now; just some scraps from attempted rewordings that I had to trim off the end. (I think it’s a bad sign when the proofreader fails to follow a standard proofreading procedure that the author of the work being proofread adheres to. :unsure:)

I must say that the Piraka forming a truce with the Toa came as a real surprise to me. The Toa’s acceptance of the Piraka as temporary allies felt a little abrupt at first, but in the third part of the chapter you captured the friction between them really well. I think the Piraka’s offer of assistance would feel more realistic and in-character for them if their motivationóthat traitors surpass Toa on their list of hated enemiesówere brought up sooner, to emphasize their reasoning for wanting to help.

I also really liked seeing the gang finally interact a little more with the Piraka, having previously been paid little heed by them. (The paragraph describing Zaktan as seen by the gang was especially well written. )

I have noticed that in this chapter, as well as other recent chapters, there have been more lines from Cera, and parts of the story told from her point of view. This is good, and I encourage you to do this with other members of the gang. I did think that the rest of the gang didn’t get quite enough lines in the first two parts of the chapter; except for one line each from Ruby, Petrie, and Chomper at the beginning, Littlefoot and Cera were the only ones who spoke during the scenes inside the stronghold. Maybe some of their lines could be reattributed to other members of the gang, or a few lines from the others (such as protests against the Piraka’s wanting to come with themóI can especially imagine the moralistic Ducky and nervous Petrie speaking out against that idea) could be squeezed in there.

She just couldn't ignore how suspiciously outside of the battle Hakann had seemed to be.

Should be “have been”.

“I was expecting to see all of the Piraka defeated, or all of the Toa defeated,” said Ruby, “but I wasn't expecting to see all of the Piraka and all of the Toa defeated.”

I just loved this line. It’s so Ruby.

“He's Axonn,” said Littlefoot, figuring everyone would like that answer more than the one they got from Axonn.

Another sentence I really liked.

Nobody had expected how Jaller reacted to this.

This sentence is a little awkward to correct; it should be past tense, not past perfect tense, but there’s a number of ways it could be rewritten. I guess I would go with, “Nobody expected Jaller’s reaction” (removing “to this”).

We'll make a Zamor sphere that can reverse the process, but only if we go with you.”

I would change this to “only if you let us come with you”. It makes more sense as a word choice, since the Piraka need the Toa’s consent to go with them. (It sounds a little silly when I try to explain it…hopefully you get what I mean.)

Littlefoot turned away to see Toa Kongu approaching the giant vat that contained the virus that was used to enslave the Matoran.

Should be “had been”.

“We don't. And, Hewkii, we can't afford to become worse than the enemies we fight.”

Unneeded comma.

Reluctantly, Hewkii used his elemental power to shatter the stone that trapped Avak, Vezok, and Reidak. Nuparu also used his elemental power to free Zaktan.

I would have liked to have seen a little more detail put into this scene, especially Zaktan’s release. I’m not clear on how exactly a Toa’s “elemental power” works (or I just keep forgetting); I imagine it as a beam or something that, in this case, shatters the earth encasing Zaktan. Personally, I think that every time you describe the Bionicle characters using their powers, writing variations of “fired a beam of elemental energy”, “blasted ______ with his/her elemental power”, “struck ______ with a bolt from his/her (name of weapon)”, etc. is preferable to simply saying “used his/her elemental power to ______”.

I’m also curious as to what sort of state Zaktan was in upon being released (I’d imagine being immobilized in a ball of mud was a first for him ). Dazed? Disoriented? Recovering from claustrophobia? Possessed of an intense desire to stuff Nuparu’s mask in his mouth? And while imprisoned, was he conscious enough to be aware of what was going on outside and what other characters were saying? Or did he need to be told of the temporary truce after being released (or telepathically informed by Kongu beforehand)? I think it would have been great if more detail were given on this (though I give you credit for at least differentiating Zaktan’s release from the earth cocoon from the other Piraka’s release from the stone hands, unlike the text).

“Whatever is inside that crystal... inside the Zamor spheres the Piraka used... it's alive,” said Kongu, still in shock. “Alive... and evil.”

A sentient virus that takes control of the bodies of Matoran…creepy. :blink:

Overall, I enjoyed this chapter. Hopefully I’ll have my head together next time, so I can review the next new chapter sooner.

P.S. This time I did look over my review before I posted it.

[The Chronicler]

(Okay, I don't know what the heck is going on here, but here is the rest of the revised chapter that somehow won't be able to be edited in the original post.)

Cera had an uneasy feeling as she and her friends approached the stronghold. She just couldn't ignore how suspiciously outside of the battle Hakann had seemed to have been. She knew he was up to something, but she didn't have a clue on what exactly it could be.

Nuparu led the gang through the giant hole in the wall that led to the central chamber. Once they got inside, they were stunned by what they saw. Brutaka was on the floor and seemed so weakened that he might as well have been dead. All of the Toa and Piraka were bound by giant stone hands that seemed to have come from the walls themselves. Nuparu immediately dumped the cocoon that contained Zaktan and rushed over to free Toa Jaller.

“I was expecting to see all of the Piraka defeated, or all of the Toa defeated,” said Ruby, “but I wasn't expecting to see all of the Piraka and all of the Toa defeated.”

“Not all of the Piraka,” pointed out Cera. “One of them is missing... Hakann. I knew he was up to something!”

“I don't see the white Piraka, either,” said Chomper, pointing out that Thok was missing, too.

“That would explain why everyone is trapped like this,” said Littlefoot, remembering the Matoran's explanation of the Piraka's powers. “Thok must have brought the walls to life to hold everyone down while he and Hakann escaped.”

“Me no think he strong-powerful enough to do all this,” said Petrie, doubtful but also worried by what would be powerful enough to trap everyone.

Once the Toa of Fire was free, Nuparu asked, “What happened?”

“That's not as important as what's about to,” replied Jaller. Before anyone could say anything, he walked up to where Brutaka lay and asked, “You told them, didn't you?”

Brutaka didn't move or say anything. He wasn't actually dead, but he was far too weak to respond.

“You know the location of the Mask of Life,” continued Jaller. “After Hakann and Thok stole your power, they gave you a choice, didn't they? Tell them where the mask is, or die.”

The gang gasped in shock at what they just heard. However it might have happened, if Hakann and Thok now had Brutaka's power added to their own, they could very easily be unstoppable. And worse, they now knew exactly where to find the Mask of Life.

“Jaller, that makes no sense,” said Hahli, now freed from the stone embrace with the rest of the Toa. “He would have been unconscious from Hakann's mental blast, just like the rest of us.”

“Would he?” asked Jaller. “Kongu, use your mask and read his mind.”

Kongu triggered his mask power and tried to read Brutaka's thoughts. After a few moments, he gave up and shook his head. “I can't hear a thing,” reported Kongu. “His mind is shielded.”

“Exactly,” stated Jaller. “From what Hewkii and Balta have told me, it's clear that Axonn and Brutaka were on the island to protect the mask. With that sort of valuable secret in their heads, it only makes sense they would be shielded against telepathy or mental attack. Nothing could make them part with that knowledge... except cowardice.”

“Or necessity.”

Everyone turned to see Axonn standing atop the rubble of the wall. Despite the fact that his armor was still battered, he now seemed to be well rested and ready for battle.

“Who are you?” asked Jaller. “What are you?” Jaller was among the Toa who had still not yet met Axonn.

“It's enough that you can be sure we are on the same side, Toa,” replied Axonn, “and I think who I am is less important than what I know.”

“He's Axonn,” said Littlefoot, figuring everyone would like that answer more than the one they got from Axonn.

“Hakann and Thok are on their way to get the mask,” explained Jaller. “We need to know where it is so we can stop them.”

“I'll stop them,” said Axonn as he turned away and began heading out of the chamber.

Nobody expected Jaller's reaction. He grabbed Axonn roughly and pulled him back into the chamber. “We don't have time for this!” exclaimed Jaller. “I don't care how powerful you are, we can't let the safety of the universe depend solely on one being. For good or ill, we're Toa, Axonn. Tell us where the enemy has gone and let us do our jobs.”

Axonn thought about it for a moment and eventually admitted that the Toa of Fire was right. Throughout his entire time spent on Voya Nui, he had always dealt with any problem himself or with the help of Brutaka. Now, the stakes were higher than ever before. It would be foolish to think he could handle this on his own. Finally, he said to the Toa, “Come with me, out of the Piraka's hearing, and I will tell you all I know.”

“Hold it!” shouted Avak. “You need us!” He and the other Piraka ó Vezok and Reidak ó were still bound by the stone hands created by Thok.

“Right, like we need a second shadow plague,” said Kongu.

“Yeah, why would we ever need you?” agreed Cera.

“Maybe you won't talk so much, Toa, with your mask stuffed in your mouth,” threatened Reidak.

Avak ignored Reidak and continued, “There's no denying that we all know this: The only way you are going to stop Hakann and Thok is to reverse what they did to Brutaka, and only we know how to do that. We'll make a Zamor sphere that can reverse the process, but only if you let us come with you.”

“We could find other ways to get the information from you,” said Hewkii.

Avak laughed and said, “Even if you had the will ó and you don't, Toa, not ëheroes’ like you ó you don't have the time.”

“He's right,” said Hahli. “We don't. And Hewkii, we can't afford to become worse than the enemies we fight.”

Littlefoot sighed and said, “I guess this means only one thing: The only way to stop Hakann and Thok is for us to work with the rest of the Piraka.”

“Are you crazy!?” exclaimed Cera.

“Yeah, Piraka evil-bad,” agreed Petrie.

“I do not think we should do that. No, no, no,” said Ducky in worry.

“There's no other way, guys,” replied Jaller. He turned to the Piraka and said, “We'll let you come with us, but only if you promise to create a Zamor sphere that will undo what was done to Brutaka.”

“Deal,” said Avak.

Jaller turned to Hewkii and said, “Let them go.”

Reluctantly, Hewkii reached his hand out and the stone that trapped Avak, Vezok, and Reidak shattered within seconds. Nuparu also reluctantly freed Zaktan from the earthen cocoon. Zaktan had listened to the entire conversation that had taken place. Needless to say, he was not happy with the treachery of Hakann and Thok.

“There's just one thing I don't get,” said Nuparu as he watched the Piraka leader shift his substance back into its typical form. “Why do you wish to help us stop Hakann and Thok? They are your allies, right?”

Zaktan chuckled in response. “Of course you don't get it. You're a Toa,” replied Zaktan. “Heroes like you always share the glory, but that's not what a Piraka does.” He glanced back to see Avak holding an empty sphere and speaking with Reidak and Vezok about what it should be filled with. Zaktan quickly turned his gaze back to the Toa. “None of us will say this aloud to each other, but once the Mask of Life is ours, it's every Piraka for himself. The only reason we work together is simply because it will make it easier for us to get to the mask in the first place. If we don't stop those two traitors, one of them is guaranteed to get away with the mask... and I hate those odds.” Zaktan then turned to join the other Piraka in making the Zamor sphere they promised.

Meanwhile, Axonn had noticed the empty spheres on the floor nearby. He held up one of them and studied it, intrigued.

Littlefoot noticed this and asked, “What are you doing, Axonn?”

“The Toa will be needing something important for the end of their quest,” replied Axonn. “This sphere could be the best way to utilize it.”

Unsure what Axonn had meant by that, Littlefoot turned away to see Toa Kongu approaching the giant vat that contained the virus that had been used to enslave the Matoran. Littlefoot was curious what the Toa of Air was doing, so he walked up to the vat and stood next to him. He stared at the greenish-black virus for a few seconds.

Kongu reached his hand out to touch the glass. A few seconds later, he suddenly jumped back as if he had received an electric shock.

“What is it?” asked Litttlefoot, alarmed by Kongu's reaction.

“I heard thoughts,” replied Kongu in shock.

Littlefoot knew it was due to Kongu's mask power, but was surprised that the Toa of Air had heard any thoughts at all from this substance.

“Whatever is inside that crystal... inside the Zamor spheres the Piraka used... it's alive,” said Kongu, still in shock. “Alive... and evil.”

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: Now that I have finally posted the revised previous chapter, I suggest you read it. Among the edits and additions I made, I decided to include in the first part a more plausible reason for the Piraka to team up with the Toa than what you had assumed.

Despite having an extra week to work on this chapter, I didn't quite manage to write everything that I had planned for in this chapter. However, considering how long it already is, I've decided to split it into two chapters. If I had written everything I had originally planned, this chapter would have possibly ended up twice as long as it is now. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

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Chapter 17
The Underground Stairway

The gang had waited at the edge of the Green Belt for many minutes. Despite having easy access to some food and water to help them calm their nerves, many of them were now getting anxious. They could just barely make out the noise of the battle. For now, all they could do was wonder what exactly was happening over there.

Cera had been pacing back and forth for a while now, frustrated at not being able to help the Toa and at what had discouraged her and her friends from following them. “Zaktan,” she thought aloud. “Why did it have to be Zaktan? Why couldn't any of the other Piraka be the one to threaten us?”

“As much as I would hate to agree with a Piraka,” stated Ruby, “I must agree with what the Piraka said about us: We would never listen to the Toa and stay out of danger if the Piraka didn't threaten us.”

“I know, I know,” grumbled Cera. “But of all the Piraka, why did it have to be Zaktan?” Cera had intended to ignore the Toa's warnings and watch the battle herself, even if her friends refused to follow her. However, Zaktan was the one Piraka that she was truly afraid of. The only reason she was willing to admit this was that the rest of her friends were also terrified of him, so it was no loss to her pride.

“Well, he didn't really do anything to threaten us,” Littlefoot pointed out. “We didn't even give him a chance to say anything before we all agreed to stay here. If it had been any other Piraka, they would have had to actually do something.”

“Oh yes, that would have been really bad,” agreed Ducky. “It would, it would.”

The gang faintly heard another explosion, knowing that the battle to stop Hakann and Thok was still going on. Strangely, they didn't hear anything else after that explosion. After waiting a few minutes, they began to realize that the battle might now be over.

Littlefoot broke the silence and said, “I think it might be over.”

“Who do you think won?” asked Chomper.

“I don't know, but I'm going to find out,” declared Cera as she began to head towards the battlefield.

Ducky gasped and exclaimed, “No, Cera! It is too dangerous! It is, it is!”

Cera ignored Ducky's warning and countered, “What if the Toa won? Zaktan won't hurt us if he's defeated.”

Littlefoot sighed. “Okay, let's go find out what happened,” he said reluctantly.

The gang headed deeper within the Green Belt to where they had seen the massive explosion before the Toa had left them. They were almost there when they heard a low hum. The strange noise stopped them in their tracks.

“W-w-what that?” asked Petrie nervously.

In addition to the low hum, a strange green cloud passed over their heads and began to circle around them, as if it had a mind of its own.

“Oh no,” said Cera quietly as she realized what was going on.

The cloud-like substance came together and took on its original form. Standing before the young dinosaurs was the Piraka leader. “And just where do you think you're going?” asked Zaktan.

The gang was speechless. There was no denying that they had disobeyed Zaktan's orders. None of them could find the courage to say anything because they were terrified beyond belief by what Zaktan would do to them.

Cera gulped and finally said, “We... we thought the battle might be over and... we just wanted to see if the Toa were okay.” With the message out, Cera quickly braced herself.

Surprisingly, Zaktan made no move to attack the young dinosaurs. Instead, after thinking it over for a few seconds, he grinned. “Go ahead,” said the Piraka leader, “check on the Toa, tend to their wounds. I won't stop you... because you'll be doing nothing more than slow them down. Feel free to hold them back for as long as possible... it will just make it easier for me to get my hands on the Mask of Life.” Zaktan laughed evilly as his substance dispersed and flew off back to the battlefield.

The young dinosaurs just stood there in silence. All of them hated to admit it, but they realized that Zaktan might be right. If the Toa Inika had been defeated in the battle and the Piraka were now on their way to grabbing the Mask of Life, then there was no time to waste. The Toa would now have to catch up to the Piraka, and even the smallest of delays could spell doom for the Matoran universe.

“What do we do now?” asked Ducky.

“We're still going to check on the Toa,” replied Littlefoot, “but we must do so as quickly as possible. Zaktan is right; The longer the Toa stay here, the harder it will be for them to get the Mask of Life.”

The gang followed Littlefoot through the forest and soon came to a clearing. They were shocked at all of the devastation they saw. Many of the nearby trees were charred or blasted to splinters. There was little doubt that there had once been many more trees within the clearing just moments ago. There was also a giant hole in a nearby cliff that led downward in a seemingly endless tunnel. The rock that made up this cliff seemed very solid, so it made sense that only the massive explosion they had seen while chasing after Hakann and Thok would be powerful enough to blast such a big hole into the cliff. The most shocking sight of all was the six unconscious forms of the Toa Inika.

Littlefoot rushed over to the nearest of the Toa, Hahli. He gently nudged the Toa of Water and said, “Hahli? Are you okay?”

Hahli stirred and turned to face the young Longneck.

“We thought the battle might be over, so we decided to see if you and other Toa were okay,” explained Littlefoot.

Hahli slowly stood up and said, “I'm glad you and your friends stayed away from all of this, Littlefoot. No dinosaur or Matoran could have survived this, not even one with the luck of Takua.” The Toa of Water then walked over to Nuparu and Kongu and awakened them with a cooling mist.

As Hahli repeated the process on the other Toa, Kongu turned to Nuparu and grumbled, “Next time, I'll do the flying.”

“Not my fault,” countered Nuparu. “Thok's spellbinder vision made us crash.”

Of the six Toa Inika, Jaller was currently in the best shape, no doubt thanks to his mask power allowing him to avoid the most damaging part of the final attack. The Toa of Fire looked around and asked, “Where are the Piraka? Before Hakann and Thok struck us will all of their power, the rest of the Piraka were already defeated. Except for Zaktan.”

“And I fired that Zamor sphere at those two,” added Hewkii, holding up the launcher that Jaller had allowed him to borrow. “If it did take Brutaka's power away from them, they should have fallen at the same time we did.”

“They were gone when we came to check on you guys,” replied Cera.

“But on our way here, Zaktan came to us and said that we would only slow you down while he would get to the Mask of Life,” added Littlefoot.

“It looks like he took the other Piraka with him, even Hakann and Thok,” noted Nuparu. “At least it means that Zamor sphere worked, which leaves just six regular Piraka going after the Mask of Life.”

“We know what the Piraka are doing, but we still don't know where the Piraka have gone,” said Ruby.

“We all know where they went,” answered Matoro, gesturing towards the entrance to the recently opened tunnel. “Into yet another dark tunnel in a universe that seems to be filled with them. Next time we go on a hike, Jaller, remind me to bring some extra lightstones ó maybe twenty thousand.”

“We go after them,” stated Hewkii with determination.

“What about Axonn and the Toa Nuva?” asked Chomper.

“No time,” replied Jaller. “Whether or not it was our destiny to find the Mask of Life when we got here, I think it's our destiny now. There's no one else to do it.”

“Is that what heroes are, I wonder?” thought Hahli aloud. “Beings who do what they have to do, because they have no other choice?”

“Turaga Nuju once speak-said that no one would ever choose to be a Toa,” said Kongu. He then smiled. “No one except a crazy Le-Matoran, that is.”

“Maybe you don't choose a destiny like that,” said Nuparu. “Maybe it chooses you.”

“Can we please stop talking about destiny and get the Mask of Life before the Piraka do?” asked Cera impatiently.

Jaller nodded and said, “She's right, we can't afford to waste any more time.” After taking just a few steps towards the tunnel entrance, Jaller turned back to the gang and said, “Don't even think about following us this time. You heard what Axonn said about these stairs. It's just way too dangerous to let you come with us past this point.”

Cera was about to argue with the Toa of Fire when Littlefoot stepped in front of her and said, “Let it go, Cera. We don't have time to argue.”

Cera sighed in defeat and stepped back to rejoin her friends. Nobody noticed Kongu looking at Littlefoot suspiciously before turning back to enter the underground stairway with the rest of the Toa.

Once the Toa Inika were out of sight, Cera decided to speak up. “Are we really going to just sit here all day?” she asked in frustration.

“Not really,” replied Littlefoot, catching everyone by surprise. “We're just going to give the Toa a head start. Then, if we really want to, we can follow them and offer to help once we catch up to them.”

“Me no think that such good thought-plan,” said Petrie nervously.

Cera ignored Petrie and said to Littlefoot, “You can count me in.”

“Me too,” said Chomper, stepping forward.

“Us too,” added Ducky, who was currently riding atop Spike.

Spike nodded in agreement.

“You can count me in, too,” said Ruby.

Petrie then noticed everyone turned to look at him, knowing he was the only one to not yet agree. After turning to see Ducky apparently begging for him to join, he sighed in defeat and said, “Okay... me in... me guess.”

After waiting a few more minutes, Littlefoot decided that the Toa now had enough of a head start on them. He then led his friends into the tunnel and down the long stairway.

“Me have ever-bad feeling about this,” said Petrie uneasily.

“Petrie, you always have an ëever-bad’ feeling every time we go underground,” grumbled Cera.
________

The gang had remembered Axonn's warning that there would be many guardians along this stairway to keep anyone away from the Mask of Life. So far, they had come across nothing unusual. All they saw was a seemingly endless stairway that just kept on going down. They would occasionally pass by a lightstone that hung from the ceiling, providing just enough light for them to be able to see where they were going.

After a few minutes, the gang came across their first obstacle. At the next lightstone along the underground stairway, the tunnel split in two directions, and the stairway to the right was blocked off by rubble.

“I guess this means we go left,” concluded Littlefoot.

Everyone began to follow Littlefoot, but Chomper stopped after he sniffed the air a bit. “Wait... something doesn't seem right,” said Chomper.

“What is it, Chomper?” asked Ruby.

Chomper sniffed the air some more before replying, “The Toa went left, but... the Piraka went right.”

The gang turned to look at the rubble that blocked off the other passage. “Now I get it,” said Cera, slightly angered. “The Piraka took the easy way and then blocked it off!”

“I don't think the Piraka did this,” said Ruby, taking a close look at the rubble. “These rocks are smooth, which means they've been here for a long time, which means the Piraka were not the ones to block this tunnel.”

“How is that possible?” asked Chomper. “My sniffer is telling me the Piraka went this way, and we know they can't go through rock.”

“What do you think, Littlefoot?” asked Ducky.

“I'll admit that it sounds strange, but I say we just keep going,” replied Littlefoot. “If the Toa went left, then that's where we'll go. At least we won't have to worry about running into the Piraka.”

“Good point,” agreed Petrie.

Everyone turned to begin heading down the unblocked stairway, but had only gone one step when they noticed something unexpected approaching them. At first, all they could see was the silhouette of the head and neck of an adult Longneck. As the stranger came closer, the limited light allowed them to see this Longneck's features. Most of the gang didn't recognize this stranger, but Littlefoot gasped in shock at what he saw.

Littlefoot struggled to get the words out of his mouth, but eventually managed to quietly say, “Mother?”

The rest of the gang also gasped in shock at this revelation. Out of all of them, Cera had been the only one who had ever seen her. Now that she looked more closely, Cera realized that this Longneck did indeed resemble Littlefoot's mother.

“Hello, little ones,” said Littlefoot's mother calmly. “I must say this is the most... unusual herd I have ever seen. Yet, after all you have been through, you have clearly managed to stay together.”

“This is impossible,” said Cera, turning to Littlefoot. “I don't know who she is, but she can't be your mother. We all know what happened to her.”

“Am I dead in your hearts?” asked Littlefoot's mother. “Am I dead in your memories? If the answer to those questions is no, then I am not truly dead.”

“Then what are you doing here?” asked Ruby. “Why have you decided to show yourself to us in a way that you've never shown yourself to us before?”

“I have come to warn you all of the mistake you are making,” continued Littlefoot's mother. “Please do not continue down this path. The Mask of Life is simply too dangerous for kids like you to find. Turn back, and let the Toa do their job.”

This statement caught the gang completely by surprise. True, their parents had frequently told them to be more careful about what they did and where they went. But the idea of a deceased relative seemingly coming back in the flesh just to tell them to stay out of danger didn't seem right to them.

Littlefoot looked up into the eyes of his mother, hard as it was for him to do without breaking down with emotion. When he was much younger, Littlefoot had always felt safe and comfortable whenever he looked up at his mother's caring and loving face. This time was different. Littlefoot couldn't explain it, but this Longneck did not show the same caring expression he had seen when his mother was alive. He knew something wasn't right. Barely containing his emotions, Littlefoot looked up at his mother and said, “You should know... you must know... what it means to save others. Just a few minutes before you... died, you not only saved my life, but Cera's as well. After that, I quickly learned that I should always give help to anyone who needs it, even if they are not a Longneck like me. And right now, those Toa need all the help they can get. If you really are my mother... if you really do know how important it is to help others... would you really refuse to help someone who is trying to save everything they know of?”

The adult Longneck shook her head and said, “No, I wouldn't.” Her head and neck then began to withdraw back into the darkness. “But, then... look at what happened to me.”

Acting on instinct, Littlefoot began to rush down the steps and exclaimed, “Wait! Come back, Mother! Don't go!” He had already lost sight of his mother, but he kept going. He then slipped and fell down a few steps, but quickly managed to stop himself before he got injured.

The rest of his friends rushed to his side in worry. “Are you okay, Littlefoot?” asked Ducky.

“I'm fine... I think,” replied Littlefoot. He wasn't physically hurt, but his mind was in confusion and his heart pained at the reminder of his deceased mother.

The others knew how hard it was to talk about Littlefoot's mother in front of their friend. However, Cera had a feeling she knew what was really going on here, so she stepped up to the challenge. “Look, Littlefoot, we all know how much you miss her,” said Cera, struggling to find the right words to use without hurting her friend's feelings. “I hate to say this out loud to you, but... Look, I'm not going to call her a stupid Longneck again ó believe me, I've learned from that mistake ó but, if you ask me... I don't think that Longneck was your mother at all.”

Ducky gasped and said, “How can you say that?”

“Think about it,” continued Cera. “Axonn said there are many things down here that are meant to keep anyone away from the Mask of Life. Who's to say one of them wouldn't try to look like someone we know and love, and tell us to leave?”

Littlefoot didn't seem to be doing much on the outside, but on the inside he struggled with his emotions. He slowly began to realize that Cera might actually be right. He remembered looking up at that Longneck and failing to see a truly loving expression on her face. If this was how the Mask of Life would try to scare him off... then he would not let it affect him. Finally, Littlefoot looked up in determination and said, “Let's keep going.”

The others looked at each other in confusion, but ultimately decided to follow him when they saw that he was already starting to continue down the stairway. None of them had any idea of what to expect the further they went, but they knew that turning back was not an option.
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Read and review, as always.