The Gang of Five

The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: Ducky123 on August 04, 2018, 10:36:30 AM

Title: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on August 04, 2018, 10:36:30 AM
As I was announcing a while ago, I decided to revamp Shorty's Dark Past (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=12779.0). Parts of the plot will be altered but there won't be any major scenes cut. I seriously hope that this new version will be a major improvement over my first draft, especially as far as the first 20-30 chapters are concerned.

That being said, I have not fully finished writing my chapter synopsis, however I've got the first part of the story down by now so I decided to start writing. Current planned schedule is two chapters a week, however I cannot guarantee it due to the scorching heat in my area which drains my motivation.

Anyway, have a look at my completely rewritten prologue  :^^spike

~~~~~

Shorty's Dark Past

Prologue:

The child opened its eyes, still feeling sleepy. Drowsily, while uttering a hearty yawn, it rose to its feet, taking in its surroundings. It seemed as though it had woken up in a valley the child had never been to before. Mountains, so steep that climbing them seemed futile, with occasional vegetation somehow holding on to the bare rock, surrounded the location. Forests were growing at the edges and the grass beneath the child’s feet was green and moist.

Looking ahead, the valley seemed to conclude in a rocky passageway of sorts while there was no end in sight behind. A very narrow but long valley, as it seemed.

As the last remnants of drowsiness fell from its eyes, it suddenly began to notice the most obscene of all details around it.

Longnecks, hundreds of them, it seemed. They were all headed towards what seemed to be an exit somewhere ahead. And, above all, they were flying! Hovering a few meters above the ground! Since when could longnecks fly?

Suddenly, the child still awe-struck about the new discovery, it felt a sudden force, first pulling on its long tail, then on it’s even longer neck until it, too, was hovering a little bit above the green grass.

“Whoa!” it thought, simultaneously scared and amazed by the sudden ability. A careful kick of its leg drove it further up. Soon, it knew how to navigate and aimed for a hovering rock not too far away. As it leaped onto the rock, it began spinning really fast, momentarily confusing the child’s head but as soon as the rock halted again, a magnificient view greeted it.

Just at that moment, the Bright Circle had appeared behind some Sky Puffies, shining with brilliance upon the whole valley. Abruptly, without the child’s consent, it began hovering towards the mysterious exit of the valley that everyone seemed to head to. But strangely enough, the child was in the least worried. Some subconscious feeling told it that this was a good thing to happen.

So it quietly hovered along the other longnecks until it had reached the narrow and steep passageway, that lead across the humongous walls of the valley. But, hardly in, the situation changed rapidly. Suddenly, the Bright Circle slowly disappeared not behind clouds but behind what appeared to the child like a black ball on the sky. Clouds, looking more like smoke than anything, began rapidly developing around the weakening Bright Circle, spiralling closer and closer.

“What is happening!?”

Terrified by the events, terrified by the darkness that spread over the land quickly, it closed its eyes shut. However, children were too curious for their own good. They always were. Such it was with this one. If only just a little bit, it opened one eye only to see the Bright Circle reappear. But something was wrong. Terribly wrong. It went too fast for the child to even realize what was happening. One moment there was a ball of fire approaching fast until it filled the whole sky, and then there was… nothing. It was then that the child screamed at the top of its lungs…

That was, when three little longnecks rose from their sleep with little warning, uttering a panicked scream as they did, heart pumping, breath going fast, only to realize they had once again had the very same sleepstory which had been bothering them for a good while. Little did they know that those were no ordinary sleepstories… and little did they know that these sleepstories would one day lead them all to the same place...

Grunting in annoyance, Littlefoot, Ali and Shorty slowly calmed down before they went back to sleep.

~~~~~

So there you have it. Just my personal take on that sleepstory sequence as seen in movie 10 with some foreshadowing added for those who read it the first time. The others should know where this is leading to eventually ;)

If nothing serious happens here, I should have the next one up on Monday :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on August 04, 2018, 10:48:45 AM
This has me very intrigued. I never read the original version of Shorty's Dark Past, and I only watched the tenth movie once, so I remember little about it, but this looks like a very promising start. :) I can only wonder what this premonition will bring the Longnecks to.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on August 04, 2018, 02:28:40 PM
This scene is always a great way to begin the story. You managed to replicate the scene's mysterious feeling very well and this promises that the modified parts of this fic will improve SDP's storytelling quite a bit. It'll be intriguing to see just which chapters you plan to redo but I'm sure they'll make this already-great fic even better. Anyway, nice job with this prologue. :^^spike
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on August 05, 2018, 07:39:19 AM
Quote
This has me very intrigued. I never read the original version of Shorty's Dark Past, and I only watched the tenth movie once, so I remember little about it, but this looks like a very promising start. :) I can only wonder what this premonition will bring the Longnecks to.
Thanks for the review! I hope that the coming chapters will not disappoint then :)

Quote
This scene is always a great way to begin the story. You managed to replicate the scene's mysterious feeling very well and this promises that the modified parts of this fic will improve SDP's storytelling quite a bit. It'll be intriguing to see just which chapters you plan to redo but I'm sure they'll make this already-great fic even better. Anyway, nice job with this prologue. :^^spike
Ah, I'm really glad that it worked as an introduction  :^^spike

Thanks for the review and, yeah, it'll be interesting to compare to the old version every now and then I guess :P The prologue was originally like... 3 sentences. And chapter 1 is written from scratch too. And soon the number of chapters won't correlate anyway because I added quite a bit early on  :lol
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on August 05, 2018, 06:24:49 PM
Now this is an excellent way to introduce a story - present just enough that the reader sees that the three main characters are connected, but leave how they come together as a mystery that has yet to be told. I don't really have much more to say at the moment, but I look forward to seeing how the narrative goes from here relative to SDP's original incarnation.  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Tigress on August 08, 2018, 05:33:39 AM
I remember reading the original on Fanfiction.net never left a review cause I’m
apparently a lazy ass but I loved it even if I did want to slap the green off of Shorty at times.

Will be following this new version closely.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on August 15, 2018, 05:47:52 PM
welp! This was supposed to go online days ago  :sducky

~~~~~

Chapter 1: The lone boy and the mysterious stranger

“Urgh, where do I bloody have to go?!”

As the scorching sun penetrated the land just like it did yesterday and the day before that, a young longneck halted in his movement. He was still very young yet a bunch of even smaller longnecks - hatchlings that were barely able to walk on their own, were looking up at the boy with big, curious eyes.

Squinting his eyes, he tried to make anything of the field of rocks loosely scattered in the desolate desert but, all truth be told, he didn’t know where to go.

“Will I ever escape this bloody hell?”

He’d been roughly trying to maintain a straight direction during his journey but, lately, he was really just walking towards whatever direction he deemed to be the best. And, right now, that was the hilly field of rocks to their left. Maybe some of these rocks would at least offer some shade during the worst hours of the day? Reluctantly, he started walking towards his new destination, the small hatchlings following him.

The Mysterious Beyond had become a hostile place ever since the drought had started. Finding food and water was near impossible, the places still offering them became fewer and fewer. The boy didn’t know how much longer he would be able to survive under these conditions but he had to try his best, no matter what.

As soon as they found a rock large enough to offer shade for all of them, the little hatchlings fell asleep immediately which left the boy alone with his thoughts. For alone, he was…

“Shorty no, don’t leave!”

The boy named Shorty closed his eyes in a mixture of sadness and anger. Whenever he was feeling lonely, images from his past and, sometimes, even the voices of those he dearly loved found a way into his mind. It wasn’t pleasant, considering what he’d done. It had been his decision after all that led to all of this… What would he give to be with his family right now…

Well, at least certain members of it.

“No, I mustn’t think about this all the time, it’s not helping!”

With a resolute expression, the boy focussed on his surroundings again but the heat of the early afternoon sun soon got the better of him and Shorty fell into an uneasy slumber...

*

It wasn’t until two or three hours later, that the boy rose from his sleep. Tired and exhausted at first, he immediately jumped to his feet when distant footsteps could be heard, shaking the very ground beneath his feet. Something was approaching, something large!

“A Sharptooth?!” Shorty immediately panicked, rushing over to the hatchlings to wake them up. Why he was still protecting them despite them being a nuisance and competition for the little food he could find... it was beyond him but he guessed it kinda had to do with how he came to be with them in the first place. Losing them now would only mean that his brave acts would have been for vain!

“Get up!” he yelled quietly, glancing over his shoulders as the rumble increased. The footsteps, upon paying attention to their rhythm, didn’t seem to be originating from a bipedal creature like a sharptooth. No, that was the same rhythm that he knew all too well from his endless journey…

“A longneck?!” Shorty didn’t drop his guard but the realization meant that there was no immediate reason to run. With careful steps, the confused and frightened baby longnecks scattering behind him, he stepped out into the scorching sun again, only to see a fully grown longneck with a brown colouration walking very close. It looked very strong but there was no fight in its faraway expression.

*

The longneck noticed them immediately, a glint of curiosity entering his face. Wasn’t he just looking for a sign of his lost son in this goddamn desert? In front of him stood a lone longneck child, coloured green, looking at him in a mixture of suspicion, fear and mild interest, clearly trying to appear strong as he paid his attention to the child. Behind the kid, a bundle of hatchlings of different colours, still very young, looking frightened, were hiding behind their older protector.

The longneck could only muse how that constellation came to be but, frankly, it didn’t concern him. The hatchlings were much too young and the older child, while certainly about the size he’d expect his son to be, was of the sort with a bumpy head - that wasn’t his son. There was no need for further proof so he turned around and left the scene in a slow trot, head hanging low. Just another disappointment during his endless search.

“Maybe it’s about time to give up…” the male thought bitterly while tears welled up in his eyes. Would he ever find the only family that was still left?

*

“What the hell was that?”

Shorty blinked in confusion as the adult turned away and left without a word. He was relieved that there was nothing to fear from the grown-up after all but still something about the encounter nagged him. Something he couldn’t quite place yet.

Shorty felt a sensation at his side when one of the hatchlings nudged him with a questioning look on their face. A quick glance confirmed that all of them were following the retreating stranger with their eyes.

“Yeah… I know what you mean…” Shorty suddenly sighed before he knew quite what he was thinking about this himself. Seeing the grown-up go caused a strange feeling of loss inside of him that he couldn’t quite explain and a sense of longing which also seemed to radiate off the hatchlings. He may have been leading and protecting them but he wasn’t a father figure at all. The little ones were probably better off with a real family.

“That guy was strange though…” Shorty noted. After all, most longnecks didn’t walk around all alone. They formed herds or stuck to their family at least. But this folk had been all alone. The fact that he left without a word, without even a sign that he cared about their predicament, being orphaned and all alone, didn’t exactly encourage Shorty. But that was when something else made its way back to his mind.

“I have no clue where to go, maybe I should follow this guy? If he’s surviving on his own, he probably knows what he’s doing…” It was a bit far stretched but it was the best plan the little boy could come up with. Wherever he had been walking, things were either terrible or even worse than that. It was his only reasonable chance to escape the iron grip of the desert. If there was an end to it at all, that was.

And so he quietly told the hatchlings that they’d be following.

“...but, I’d like to observe that guy for a little while. We still don’t know if he’s dangerous or if he’ll chase us away so we’ve got to keep distance and be quiet so he won’t notice that we’re following, got it?”

Shorty never truly knew if they understood what he was saying but, regardless, they seemed to obey so he began moving before he’d lose sight of the stranger. The ground was mostly consisting of rocks so he wouldn’t leave much of a trail to be followed. Therefore, he’d have to be alert from now on.

They followed unsuspiciously for the rest of the day. Shorty couldn’t learn anything about the stranger that he didn’t already know. When it was getting dark, he settled down for the night soon so Shorty did the same thing in close proximity but still out of hearing range since the hatchlings would often cry from hunger and thirst. And this night was no exception after all…

*

The longneck jerked awake. He’d been dreaming about his son again and, as occurred so often, had to witness him dying a painful death. He’d been having such sleep stories for a little too long to be left disturbed by them in any way but it was an ever so frequent source of sorrow. With a slight groan, he heaved his heavy body up. Soon, it would be time to leave this cursed desert for it was devoid of food and water which had drained his stamina a lot during the past weeks.

Besides, his son clearly wasn’t here - nor was anyone for that matter. Anyone roaming these lands was either stupid or lost. The longneck was ready to continue his lone journey when, suddenly, a peculiar feeling struck him. He didn’t know why but something told him that he was being followed and the male could usually trust his instincts very well.

“Stupid or lost… I’m betting these lost kids decided to follow me.”

With heavy steps, he retracted his path from the previous day just a little bit… only to learn that his instincts hadn’t let him down that morning…


*

A weak rumble of the ground shook Shorty awake. Groggily, he raised his neck just a little, just in time to see a rather familiar longneck walk in onto the scene. Shorty immediately jumped to his feet but the longneck didn’t make any aggressive gestures. Quite the opposite, his expression was rather laid back.

“I should have known you guys would follow me…” the grown-up spoke. His voice was deep and strangely soothing. No matter what past lessons told him, something told Shorty that this individual meant no harm so he, reluctantly, relaxed a little.

“I guess it’s only natural for a lost lone child to do that…”

“Hey, I’m not lost at all! And anyway, we weren’t following you!” Shorty found his bravado much quicker than he’d expected, retorting to the stranger who, apparently, found his response amusing.

“Of course not,” the grown-up mused. “Only an idiot would roam these lands. Admittedly, things are going downhill everywhere but this area has been a desert even before the land dried up.”

“Oh yeah?” Shorty exclaimed, irritated. “Well, maybe I was just passing through?!”

“Kid, this acting tough thing doesn’t work on me and neither does lying,” the grown-up sighed. “But, alas, I should move on…”

Shorty panicked for a moment. This longneck had seen through him immediately. Every instinct was screaming at him not to trust strangers but what choice did he have? Going back to being all alone, slowly watching the hatchlings die one after one until he, too, would lose the strength to keep going? What a disgraceful end of his short life that would be! No, he couldn’t let things end like that. This was a rare chance he needed to take even if it’d mean losing the last bit of pride he still had in him…

“Wait…” Shorty called weakly, his bravado gone, only fear and concern left.

“Huh? Changed your mind?” the grown-up wondered casually, halting in his movement.

“Actually…” Shorty hummed and hawwed. “You see… yes, I’m lost.” Saying these words hurt but maybe the grown-up could give him directions. “Could… could you tell me how to escape this desert? If we don’t find something to eat and drink soon…” His gaze wandered over to the hatchlings who were still very sleepy.

“Hmm, guess I could,” the longneck mused.

“Anyway…” another thought just struck the green bumphead longneck. “I really wonder… you were walking in on us like that yesterday and left without a word and now you’re suddenly playing the nice guy? I’m not sure I can trust you, stranger…”

“Oh, about that…” the stranger put a thoughtful face on. “Well, I suppose it won’t hurt telling you lot… I was actually looking for someone when I met you the other day.”

“Who were you looking for? Me?” Shorty’s bravado was back and his father’s lessons about not trusting strangers now fully surfaced.

“No, I was searching for my son. I was a little surprised to see you who should be around his age but you got the bumpy head so I turned around and left.”

“How’d you lose your son? Damn, you must suck as a father…” These words slipped past Shorty’s mouth before he realized the potential impact but, rather surprisingly, the stranger reacted with calm words.

“Truth is, I never met my son but I don’t think that is a story you’d be interested in hearing.”

“Well…” Shorty considered for a moment. The stranger’s statement hadn’t really convinced him of being a trustworthy guy but at least he didn’t seem to shrug him off or call him out of his blunt statement. Maybe following him was a real option there but he still knew too little.

Meanwhile, the adult surveyed the little longnecks carefully, a conflict between radical and emotional thinking breaking lose. Little could he care about a bunch of kids that weren’t his when he couldn’t even find his own. Little should he care, thus. What he should do was to move on as fast as he could searching somewhere else, finding other dinosaurs who might have heard something about a boy called Littlefoot. It had taken him long enough to hear about the fate of his mate already... However, as his gaze fell on the poor longnecks who were marked by hunger, thirst and loneliness, some parental instincts kicked in. If he left them again without another word, surely they would never make their way to adulthood. It didn’t make any sense in a logical way of speaking to look after them but not doing so might just very well add to the burden he was carrying around day after day. He surely wouldn’t ask the kids but if they asked… could he really tell them to go on alone?

“So, what about the directions now?” the grown-up inquired, offering a small smile. The boy was still mistrusting him so maybe that’d help. “I will be leaving for greener lands soon,” he explained calmly. “There is no place around that doesn’t suffer from drought but where I’m going there should be enough to go around. No promises though, the land is changing faster than I like…”

Shorty considered this. There was currently no telling whether that was an offer to tag along or just him telling them that where he was going would be less desolate than where they were right now. There was only one way to know…

“Where would those lands be?”

“So you are interested?”

“Why, sure I am? Didn’t I already admit I’m lost?!”

“Right…” Bron collected his memory. Pointing towards a direction roughly behind him, he explained. “Well, if you head about this way, you should soon see some mountains. They’re not tall from what I recall and easy to climb. There are many rivers and small lakes though I can’t guarantee they haven’t dried by now. I’ll be heading there to look for my son anyhow. Can’t really recommend the areas I’ve been to lately so this is the best shot I can offer you kids.”

“Interesting…” Shorty commented, distrust still apparent in his voice. “So… basically, we’ll be heading the same way?”

“If you decide to follow my directions, then yes,” the male replied casually. “But in this open land there are no set paths to take."

Shorty felt another nudge to his side. The hatchlings were all giving him a look of plead and it didn’t take a genius to understand - they wanted to follow the stranger. Frankly, Shorty wanted this lonesome life to end as well but he still couldn’t bring himself to step over his distrust and the little pride he had managed to preserve. Besides, would that strange guy even accept? At least he wasn’t taking any measures to discourage them.

“Well, I’ll be taking my leave here,” the longneck spoke with a sense of finality. “I won’t chase you away if I see you on my heels again though…”

Even though it was just for a split second, Shorty noticed the subdued wink in the strangers eyes and that was just the confirmation he needed to make up his mind. Giving a small nod to the hatchlings, he also set into motion, going after the stranger. Maybe, soon, he would be a little more than that but some unwariness still remained. Shorty would have to see whether it was a good decision but for now he would rather take the chance.

*

The adult didn’t need to look back to know that they were following him at a safe distance and, therefore, reduced his speed a little not to give them a hard time keeping up. In due time, he would formally offer them to tag along but, for now his gaze was far on the horizon, carrying a weak smile. Maybe he would never find his own son but he might have very well just saved another parent’s child from almost certain death. At the very least, it was enough to give his spirits a little boost. Maybe there was a point in life even without Littlefoot, his mate who passed away and his in-laws?

Feeling a little lighter, he lead them out into the open lands where the burning morning sun greeted them like an old friend.

~~~~~

For some reason I'm really proud of that last paragraph  :o Like... it's not a cliffhanger and all and actually sounds nice  :lol

So, instead of Shorty retelling the event, I decided to rewrite this chapter completely from scratch and take a more direct approach. That way, I was able to pay more attention to the feelings of both Bron (which, I believe, I didn't pay any heed to in the original) and Shorty. The chapter also concludes at an earlier point which means the scene will continue at some point while in the original I just left it there mostly. Feel free to tell me what you think about the changes (or the chapter in general, I think it's a much better than before but I may be biased :P )

Before I move on to the reviews, here's one thing that I'm still undecided about so I thought I'd give my readers a chance to give me some advice on the matter.

As you may know, Littlefoot originally only shows up in the story once he reaches the oasis where most of LBT 10 (and most of SDP) are taking place. My earliest drafts of the story (still written in my native language, little fun fact haha) included his journey to that place as well, however I scrapped it rather early in the development of the story. Given how Littlefoot and Sue (nor the gang for that matter) are properly introduced and kinda just pop in into the story at some point, I feel inclined to add his early story too. It would give the story a more complete look even if it mightn't be the most thrilling addition. There is *some* room for character development during his journey, probably not too much but maybe think of it as a bit of a LBT 10 novellization embetted into this story (which is pretty much that anyhow, just my very personal take on it). So what are your thoughts on this matter? I'd really appreciate hearing any opinions, good or bad :)

Anyway, review time :^^spike

~~~~~

Quote
Now this is an excellent way to introduce a story - present just enough that the reader sees that the three main characters are connected, but leave how they come together as a mystery that has yet to be told. I don't really have much more to say at the moment, but I look forward to seeing how the narrative goes from here relative to SDP's original incarnation.  :)
thanks rhombus, I'm glad you liked the introduction I came up with :)

Quote
I remember reading the original on Fanfiction.net never left a review cause I’m
apparently a lazy ass but I loved it even if I did want to slap the green off of Shorty at times.

Will be following this new version closely.
That's cool, well I'm glad you did at last :smile Though I think you'll still want to slap "the green off Shorty" from time to time (gee that's a pretty creative phrase anyhow :lol ) Feel free to review either here or on there. I know I used to just dump my chapters on there but I realized I actually had quite a few readers on there who really enjoyed my stuff haha.

~~~~~

Due to being behind on schedule, the next chapter might be up really soon, hope you have enough time to read  :oops
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on August 15, 2018, 06:15:46 PM
I like this early development of Bron and Shorty, and how their stories begin to join together. This is a great way to begin their journey, and you brilliantly captured Shorty's predicaments concerning the possibly orphaned hatchlings he's been looking after and wondering if this "stranger" can be trusted. It'll be very interesting to see how Bron and Shorty's journey progress before they eventually become a herd by the events of LBT 10.  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Flathead770 on August 16, 2018, 12:41:56 AM
Oh I forgot to post a comment for the prologue. Whoops (though I did give my thoughts already so I guess it's all good :p )

As for this chapter, I really enjoyed! I like how you took the first encounter between Shorty and Bron and gave it more of the setting and feeling of the first LBT. It was also nice to see the natural progression of their first meeting to the tagging along at the end, while also leaving some interesting clues to Shorty's past. Looking forward to seeing more! :DD

I guess the only slight nitpick that I can give is that it seems Bron's name was randomly dropped into the chapter at one point with no real proper introduction? (I mean, of course all of us reading it here knew it was him :lol ). This is the part I'm talking about:

“Why, sure I am? Didn’t I already admit I’m lost?!”

“Right…” Bron collected his memory.


Quote
For some reason I'm really proud of that last paragraph  :o Like... it's not a cliffhanger and all and actually sounds nice  :lol
Now that you bring it up, I think the part I like specifically about the last sentence is that it ends almost the way the chapter begins with the sun's description matching the situation in a sort of pathetic fallacy style. The first paragraph opens with the sun reflecting the harsh nature of the landscape and ends with the sun rising and greeting them with a sorta feeling of hope.

Quote
Before I move on to the reviews, here's one thing that I'm still undecided about so I thought I'd give my readers a chance to give me some advice on the matter.
I don't think I need to say much more on this as I've given my thoughts on this over Discord. Hope it helps in some way! :smile
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on August 16, 2018, 10:59:58 AM
Yeah, this was a great way to introduce Shorty’s group and Bron to this story and a rather important one considering the fic’s name. The way you changed the perspective between Bron and Shorty throughout the chapter was a rather effective one as it brought the misgivings and competing distrust of the duo to the surface nicely. I especially liked Bron’s reactions to Shorty’s antics as they mirrored his speaking style of the film perfectly. I wonder, though, if it would have been a good idea to have some kind of leadup or backstory to this scene if you are starting this far back in his life? It is probable he could have felt some extra responsibility to some of the younger children he liked better than the others, for example.

As for your question, it would certainly be a plus if you added Littlefoot’s journey to the crater but only if you have some idea on how to make it interesting. A mere retelling would hardly add too much into the fic but if you have some ideas or twists, by all means, add that plot to the story. As a whole, thus far this rewriting has been a massive improvement from the original one. :)littlefoot
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on August 16, 2018, 11:50:09 AM
Yeah, I'd never read the original either but this looks good.
Bron and Shorty interaction was really good too!
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on August 17, 2018, 05:22:06 PM
Chapter 2: Sleepstories

The longneck girl rose from her sleep in a quick movement, looking frantically around as heavy gasps for air shook her little body.

Only to realize she’d been having one of these weird dreams again.

“Calm down, Ali, it was just a sleepstory… just… a sleepstory…” With a heavy sigh, little Ali got to her feet, adrenaline slowly retreating from her body, pulse and breathing getting back to healthier levels. Sleep was an unthinkable thing now, her blood still stirring, her mind still coping with the nightmare so she walked over to a nearby pond of water to take a drink. She wasn’t exactly thirsty but a cool sip of water might just be what she needed at the moment to help her calm down as images of flying longnecks and the Bright Circle falling on her head swarmed about in her head.

The water was cool and fresh as expected and Ali immediately felt a little better. Just then, the Night Circle found an opening in the rather thick blanket of harmless clouds obscuring most of the blinking lights that would often be visible at night, illuminating her reflection on the calm water surface, only a little disturbed by the small ripples that her little sip of water had caused. Strange how much it reminded her of the Bright Circle from her dream. Come to think about it, it was just as big and round, only that it wouldn’t show itself unless it got dark and wouldn’t shine as brightly. And then again, sometimes only some of it was there or it couldn’t be seen at all, coming in regular circles of a little more than two dozen days. That night was one of the few rare nights where it was fully there, watching over all dinosaurs as they slept.

Or, in her case, tried to.

“It sure must be boring to watch everyone sleep just like that… at least the Bright Circle gets to watch over us when we’re awake…” Ali’s pondering brought her attention back to her reflection in the water which had completely cleared by now, the girl staring at her perfect counterpart whose blue eyes were staring back at her just as thoughtfully as she was. Although it was hard to see during the gloomy dark at night, her body’s colour had a pink-ish tint to it.

“I wonder what he’s doing right now? Is he sleeping too?”

Two cold times ago, her herd had been driven out of their former home by extreme, persisting rain which had turned their homeland into a murky, foggy paradise for any predators. It had no longer been safe to roam these lands so they had been migrating around ever since, looking for a similar place to call their home. It hadn’t even taken them that long to find such a place - the Great Valley, but her herd leader apparently didn’t like it enough to settle down. It was one of quite a few decisions that Ali had never understood and likely never would. Right now they were residing in a forest that was growing at the base of a larger mountainous area which they had crossed a few weeks ago only to discover it. There was a fair amount of food and a few smaller rivers and ponds provided water for the plants to grow. However, it was too small to sustain a herd of such size forever.

And frankly speaking, Ali didn’t like it there. Even more frankly speaking, she didn’t like anywhere her herd had been to ever since that one time visiting at the Great Valley…

“If only I could be with you there in the Valley… Littlefoot…”

Her herd was a bit of an unusual sort. It largely consisted of females, many of which were rather old. And one of them, the Old One as she was called, was their leader. As a result, few children were born to this herd and those who were didn’t like Ali for some reason. As such, she didn’t have any friends in her herd, leaving her mother as the only friendly face to interact with. But even her mother was harder and harder to be around with lately. Ali clearly wasn’t happy with the current situation she found herself in. With noone to goof around with, she was often bored and, as of late, snappy.

"If only we had stayed at the Great Valley with Littlefoot and the others…”

A yawn escaped her mouth quickly. The influence of her nightmare was finally wearing off and, although a little stirred up from her thoughts, the warm feeling that often accompanied sleepiness spread through her body making her feel all relaxed and cozy.

While walking back to where they were sleeping, Ali could hear someone else waking up from a bad dream. She didn’t know why but everyone had been having these weird nightmares as of late and nobody knew the cause. But Ali was too tired now to ponder about it. Another yawn slipping from her lips, she curled up next to her mother. For a moment, it seemed as if she’d be able to drift back to sleep but just then her mother started to groan in her sleep.

“Oh great, not you too…” Ali rolled her eyes in annoyance. As frustrating as it was waking up at least once every night from a weird sleep story, not being able to because others were making noises in their sleep was even worse.

Suddenly, a rumble went through the body of her mother as she began rapidly moving in her sleep, throwing her massive weight sideways…

“Aaaaaaahhh!!!” Ali managed to leap out of the way just in time before her mother rolled over in her sleep, not even waking in the process and continuing her uneasy slumber while trying to find a more comfortable sleeping pose again. Ali however, was once again wide awake with a dangerous amount of adrenaline flooding her veins once more, fueling her rising anger until it turned into wrath.

“Mom, wake up!!!”

The grown-up stirred slightly. Then, her eyes opened, confused for a moment until she realized that she was back in the real world.

“Huh? What’s with that face dear?” Ali had a rather mad expression on her face, panting from anger.

“You! You almost rolled all over me while you were sleeping!”

“Oh? Did I?” her mother replied drowsily, getting to her feet.

“Yes you did!” Ali yelled, not caring a single bit that everyone in close proximity had probably just woken up from the ruckus she was making. “You’ve rolled all over me just at the end of the previous circle of the Night Circle! I for once don’t feel like being flattened in my sleep again! That really hurt!”

“Ali, please keep it down…”

“No!” The young longneck was really pissed off and she wouldn’t let her mother escape with a lame statement… not this time.

“Geez, I was sleeping, Ali. You can’t blame me for things I do while I’m all out cold, can you?”

“I can if it keeps me from sleeping in the first place,” Ali retorted, lowering her voice a little but not turning down her anger at all. “I was just about to go back to sleep after the sleep story woke me up when this happened… now how do you expect me to calm down again? This is outrageous!”

“It is indeed!”

Both mother and daughter turned to their right as an elderly female longneck walked in on the scene.

“What is this ruckus all about? It is plenty enough that these sleepstories are keeping me up each night…”

“Old One…” As it turned out, Ali had woken up their leader of all dinosaurs and she didn’t look too pleased. Ali’s mother gulped. “My apologies for Ali’s behavior. I-it seems the sleepstories are causing us some trouble ourselves…”

“Such as?” the old dinosaur inquired.

“Mother almost rolled all over me in her sleep!” Ali blurted out, again raising her voice dangerously high.

“Would you keep it down?! There is no reason to wake up the whole forest!” Old One reprimanded but Ali merely glared back at her and then at her mother.

“Listen to our leader, will you Ali?” her mother spoke with a slightly agitated voice. “I still don’t really know why you’re so upset about this but I’m sorry sweetheart. Now if you could please…”

“Do I still look like a hatchling?! I’m not your ‘sweetheart’ anymore, geez!” Ali shouted, clearly offended.

“Well, you clearly are acting like one right now!” Now even her mother had had enough, beginning to retort but not before sending an apologetic glance towards the Old One. “Don’t make me remind you of last night! You were crying after me in your sleep during your sleepstory! Still blaming me for things that happen while we sleep?”

Ali looked at her feet in shame and subdued rage. It was below the belt as she felt but making any further ruckus in front of Old One might very well result in unpleasant punishment so she simply swallowed it for the time being.

“Very well, now that is one less thing to worry about…” the Old One spoke with relief as the child lost her fight. Now a little calmer, the old dinosaur began to speak to Ali’s mother. “Don’t you think it is a little strange that all of a sudden all longnecks of this herd are experiencing these sleepstories? It is not dangerous per se but surely very unnerving…”

“I have to agree with that statement,” the younger female replied. With regret, she added. “Sadly, I don’t know why this is happening either.”

“Neither do I, I am afraid,” their leader admitted, Ali listening while pouting. “I’ve sent flyers to gather information regarding this matter and their findings are not exactly helpful to determine the cause of this problem. Certainly, it seems like only longnecks are seeing this increase in nightmares and an awful lot of us are apparently on the move… I will have to call a meeting tomorrow.”

“Does that mean that all longnecks are having them?” Ali suddenly piped up, perking up. If this was true, the implications were too wonderful to believe…

“I cannot answer your question with certainty,” the leader shrugged her off harshly. “However, I also cannot rule it out. Not yet.”

“Ah okay. Maybe Littlefoot is having them as well…”

“Who is that?!”

“A friend of mine,” Ali promptly responded. Old One tilted her head at an odd angle.

“He must not be a member of this herd, I conclude?”

“Littlefoot,” Ali’s mother butted in,” is that longneck from the Great Valley Ali ran off with to save his grandfather from disease with the Night Flowers from our old home.”

“Ah, oh that. Yes, now I remember,” Old One spoke, her glance hovering above Ali’s head. “And I do hope that gave you a good lesson young lady....”

“I’m sure it did,” her mother affirmed, giving her daughter another stern look. Ali merely stared back angrily. The argument still wasn’t over.

“Well, I shall not keep you up any longer than necessary. I shall see you during the meeting tomorrow, good night.” With that, the Old One walked away from the scene. Both Ali and her mother waited patiently until she was out of hearing range.

“You just got us reprimanded, good job Ali!”

“I’ll be sleeping over there, night…” Ali ignored her mother’s attempt at scolding her, still fuming over being embarrassed in front of their leader and being considered a hatchling, and began walking a good distance until she was once again at the pond. It was a place her mother could still see her but far enough to get some space after the heated argument. Ali glanced up at the sky one more time before she put her young body to rest with a deep sigh. Just how much longer would she be able to bear this?

~~~~~

Alright, here is Ali's introduction!  :^^spike

Same as with the first chapter, I decided to break it up into two chapters, considering how lengthy her introduction has become. A few sentences turned into some 2-3 pages on my doc, call that some improvement :smile

Same as Bron, Ali is also mentioning Littlefoot in this chapter already although we barely know anything about him yet but both will refer to our favourite goofy flathead a little more whenever their next chapters come up.

I also feel inclined to menntion Ali's behavior here a little. Surely, it seems a little out-of-character for her to flip out like this, seeing as she is usually portraited as a calm, shy and passionate character. Aggression such as seen in this chapter is rather unheard of but let me just say that her circumstances (which aren't aligning much with the situation in LBT 4 - as you can see I added my very own interpretation of her herd here. Always thought Old One was weird :P ) are to blame for this outburst. Surely the next chapter in which Ali appears should explain everything. :yes

*

Considering the general positive feedback of bringing Littlefoot's early story in as well, I guess it's time for me to rewatch LBT 10 for the next chapter  :idea (and rearranging chapters! Oh what joy!  :rolleyes )

Anyway, it is time for reviews again (and I might actually keep this style of replying to feedback I recently adopted over on ff.net where the only really effective way to respond is by responding below a the next chapter or by PM)

~~~~~

Quote
I like this early development of Bron and Shorty, and how their stories begin to join together. This is a great way to begin their journey, and you brilliantly captured Shorty's predicaments concerning the possibly orphaned hatchlings he's been looking after and wondering if this "stranger" can be trusted. It'll be very interesting to see how Bron and Shorty's journey progress before they eventually become a herd by the events of LBT 10.  :)
Hey thanks, glad you liked it :D

Shorty naturally isn't that much of a person who cares much about others but, as later events will show (and have shown in the original story) he's not heartless. Regardless the circumstances, he tries to protect them to his abilities and at least bothers enough to be worried about their survival. I like how his personality clashes there and I'm glad you liked his thoughts there.

His strong wariness of strangers is a result of his upbringing.

I will not flesh out how they became a herd and everything, that would be a story of its own. But Shorty and Bron will get at least another chapter of the pre-Bron-having-a-herd time :P

Quote
Oh I forgot to post a comment for the prologue. Whoops (though I did give my thoughts already so I guess it's all good :p )

As for this chapter, I really enjoyed! I like how you took the first encounter between Shorty and Bron and gave it more of the setting and feeling of the first LBT. It was also nice to see the natural progression of their first meeting to the tagging along at the end, while also leaving some interesting clues to Shorty's past. Looking forward to seeing more! :DD

I guess the only slight nitpick that I can give is that it seems Bron's name was randomly dropped into the chapter at one point with no real proper introduction? (I mean, of course all of us reading it here knew it was him :lol ). This is the part I'm talking about:

“Why, sure I am? Didn’t I already admit I’m lost?!”

“Right…” Bron collected his memory.

Quote
For some reason I'm really proud of that last paragraph  :o Like... it's not a cliffhanger and all and actually sounds nice  :lol
Now that you bring it up, I think the part I like specifically about the last sentence is that it ends almost the way the chapter begins with the sun's description matching the situation in a sort of pathetic fallacy style. The first paragraph opens with the sun reflecting the harsh nature of the landscape and ends with the sun rising and greeting them with a sorta feeling of hope.

Quote
Before I move on to the reviews, here's one thing that I'm still undecided about so I thought I'd give my readers a chance to give me some advice on the matter.
I don't think I need to say much more on this as I've given my thoughts on this over Discord. Hope it helps in some way! :smile

Thank you very much! :smile

About the LBT 1 comment, I do intend to keep the tone similar to that movie. Stories with a slightly darker feel while still also holding the bright, happy scenes as we know them from this masterpiece we all love, are simply the best and that's what I'm trying to achieve, yep yep yep  :exactly

As someone who hasn't read the original, obviously you would notice the clues. It is actually kind of difficult to keep things that I reveal about him (or clues in general) much later out of the story until they are supposed to be revealed. In the original story it was usually like this: I didn't have a plan and came up with things as I approached them. Hence some parts of the story seem unacceptable to me now :P But now I rewrite those earlier chapters while having this knowledge about the later story already so... yeah :P

Oh shoot, I was trying so hard to avoid that from happening and yet I revealed his name :oops Gonna fix it asap :P

Quote
Yeah, this was a great way to introduce Shorty’s group and Bron to this story and a rather important one considering the fic’s name. The way you changed the perspective between Bron and Shorty throughout the chapter was a rather effective one as it brought the misgivings and competing distrust of the duo to the surface nicely. I especially liked Bron’s reactions to Shorty’s antics as they mirrored his speaking style of the film perfectly. I wonder, though, if it would have been a good idea to have some kind of leadup or backstory to this scene if you are starting this far back in his life? It is probable he could have felt some extra responsibility to some of the younger children he liked better than the others, for example.

As for your question, it would certainly be a plus if you added Littlefoot’s journey to the crater but only if you have some idea on how to make it interesting. A mere retelling would hardly add too much into the fic but if you have some ideas or twists, by all means, add that plot to the story. As a whole, thus far this rewriting has been a massive improvement from the original one. :)littlefoot

Thanks for the review as usual  :cheers

I'm glad that you liked the perspective change. It just occurred to me at some point that some scenes were more interesting from Bron's perspective, yep yep yep.

About your other comment, you are raising an interesting point. Certainly, I'm throwing the reader in and leaving him/her a little in the dark about some aspects. Shorty's earlier story (as you might recall) got its own flashback chapter and Bron will be telling his to Littlefoot at some point. Besides, I do plan to have Shorty and Bron briefly share their stories in one of the next chapters though I'd like to save the details for later. This story was meant not to tell certain things until much later from the start after all and that is a concept I'm not really planning to drop :)

About Littlefoot's arc, I'm thinking of doing it in a similar fashion than the LBT 1 novellization, sticking to the original plotline but adding a scene or two. It certainly won't be a mere retelling and perhaps I can come up with some rather interesting locations in addition to what we're seeing in the movie. I've got to give this some thought when I get around to adapting my chapter plan, hopefully this weekend  :^^spike Certainly Littlefoot will get a little more screentime than in the movie, yep yep yep!

Quote
Yeah, I'd never read the original either but this looks good.
Bron and Shorty interaction was really good too!
Thanks, I'm glad you liked the first chapter!  :)littlefoot
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on August 17, 2018, 05:56:38 PM
You're right in saying this is very different from the Ali we grew up with after LBT 4 came out, but character development can enhance that of the story, whether it is for the better of that character, or the worse. In Ali's case, her constant nightmares that her herd are sharing are bringing with them a change in her character that will only be the beginning of her getting to know that this is something that every Longneck goes through, and I'm afraid this will only continue to affect her until "that time" arrives.  I'm very appreciative of stories with big character developments, "The Swimmer Trials" being a major example, and you've gotten off to a great start with Ali's.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on August 18, 2018, 09:52:09 AM
My singular thought after reading this chapter: Children will never understand adults, and vice versa. :SmugSpike

Also reading this makes me feel that Ali's exclusion in LBT10 is such a waste
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on August 18, 2018, 03:17:33 PM
This chapter introduced another one of the protagonists quite nicely and it established Ali’s herd’s situation effectively. Ali’s thoughts felt natural even if her behavior was quite annoying near the end, imo. Still, her reaction to the sleep stories felt natural and I like the way you made her mirror her current life to the possibility of simply staying in the Great Valley. But her fight with her mother wasn’t really the most logical thing to do and it didn’t help that she just had to catch the Old One’s interest in her actions too. Those things hardly make things more pleasant for the duo in the herd. Anyway, I look forward to seeing what’ll happen in her second chapter and again, this installment was quite needed as I remember the early Ali chapters being quite clumsily written in the original version. Judging by the way things are developing, the next one will be Littlefoot’s introduction, if I’m not completely mistaken. :OhYou
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on August 23, 2018, 01:20:57 AM
It has been awhile since I read the first few chapters of Shorty's Dark Past, but from what I remember this current incarnation is establishing the personalities, backstories, and situations much more effectively than in the first incarnation.  In chapter 1 we get to see a rather desperate Shorty, hotheaded as usual, but still concerned for his own safety and that of the hatchlings that are following him.  Shorty's "WTF" response to an adult looking at him desperately, only to turn away with disinterest is a very understandable reaction that I think anyone would have in that circumstance.  Likewise, Bron's single-minded search to the exclusion of all else does establish both his love for his (as of yet) unseen son and also a character weakness in him that he often shows such empathy for one person but can ignore those who are not kin.  It will be interesting to see how this dynamic develops.

As for chapter 2 we get to see a very different Ali than in LBT 4, but one that is understandably annoyed with the regimentation of her herd and the lack of understanding from the fellow herdmates. The obvious panic when she saw her mother rolling over in her sleep is certainly an understandable one.  Though this does make me wonder what are the statistics on longneck children being accidentally stepped on or rolled over on by parents.  :p  I think we might need to have flyers give Public Information Addresses to protect these vulnerable kids before their heads get any flatter.  :p All joking aside, this was a lovely addition to the story and I look forward to seeing where it goes from here.  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on September 11, 2018, 04:17:59 PM
Alright, it is very obvious that I can't meet the schedule I wanted to pull through. I've also put off uploading this one for about a week but from now on I'll try to upload one chapter a week. (have to catch up though)

~~~~~

Chapter 3: Littlefoot and his friends

Something inbetween a yelp and a panicked scream echoed through the Great Valley one starry night. The source of this disturbance was no less than a small child who had just leaped to his feet after experiencing the same peculiar sleepstory that had been haunting him for many days already.

“It was just a sleepstory…” Littlefoot, as the purple-brown-ish-coloured little longneck was called, uttered a deep sigh, taking a quick glance up at the sky where the Night Circle was full and the little lights on the sky plentiful. Trees were growing here and there, a few rocks scattered around on the green meadows, and high mountain in the distance fenced in little Littlefoot’s home, the Great Valley, sheltering it from many hazards of the surrounding lands. Most of it were dry and hostile deserts and clearly terra incognita for most dinosaurs who lived in the valley hence it was commonly dubbed “The Mysterious Beyond”.

The small boy’s grandparents were snoozing next to each other behind Littlefoot, their bodies and necks snuggled against each other’s, though their sleep seemed far from peaceful either.

“I should go back to sleep…” Littlefoot thought, a content, sleepy yawn assisting him in his decision. As disturbing and weird as his dream had been, the sleep he’d been missing each night due to these nightmares made him too tired to be stirred up much longer than necessary. He could always reflect on what he’d experienced in the morning after all.

As the little longneck slowly drifted back into his slumber, his grandparents were also shifting their necks around, their sleep just as troubled. Littlefoot hadn’t noticed yet that his grandparents were also suffering from the same sleepstories and they hadn’t even been woken up by his daily noisy rake-ups. However, he would soon learn about that. Neither had he told them about it nor had he let them on about his struggles. These scary dreams happened every so often, sometimes more often than others. He hadn’t been concerned up until now but this most recent series was alarming to say the least, especially considering that it was always the same dream…

*

The following morning, Littlefoot had all forgotten about his dream. After a fulfilling breakfast, he was fully energized, sprinting off immediately to get in touch with his friends. Unless something particular came up, they would meet each day to play various games together or explore the outskirts of their valley. Though, on this day, a game of tag was being played.

“I’m going to get you, yep yep yep!”

“Oh no you’re not!”

Laughing in a goofy way, Littlefoot raced up a small hill as he was being chased by a green swimmer who was laughing just as heartily as she desperately tried to catch up to her much taller friend.

Littlefoot loved these sort of games. They were a lot of fun and all the running helped a lot to stay in a good shape despite their relatively sheltered lives. Besides, it was one of those games perfect to get things off one’s mind and just be silly. Wasn’t that what games were about after all?

A tall tree was growing on the top of the hill he’d raced up, muscles burning a little but that was just about right, he thought. Tall roots were digging into the ground, forcing the longneck to jump. Despite the significant downslope behind them, he managed to make a safe landing, continuing to run. Not much of an obstacle for him, it was however quite difficult for his smaller friend to leap across the tree’s root. The swimmer barely made it, however her butt and tail touched down on the wood, throwing her off balance, causing the girl to make a rough landing, sliding down the steep slope. However, she simply laughed off the slight fail and picked up her sprint merrily.

“Can’t catch me, Ducky!” Littlefoot teased, allowing the cheerful swimmer to gain on him a little, knowing that she couldn’t run as fast as he could, realistically. Ducky was a swimmer after all. He was built to walk long distances but the hadrosaur would outswim him in the blink of an eye if they ever decided to play catch in the water.

“I can, too! Yep yep yep!” Ducky exclaimed confidently, gathering all her speed and strength and putting it all into a powerful leap. Littlefoot’s tail was awfully close, if only she could touch it with the tips of her fingers…

… but as she reached out in mid-air, her fingers did not grasp on anything but void and gravity did the rest. Ducky crashed belly-first onto the grass-padded floor.

“Hahaha!” Littlefoot, happy to have fooled Ducky by making her too confident, jogged away from the scene before his friend could decide to continue the chase.

“Oof…” Drowsily, the girl raised her head. The impact wasn’t too heavy but it still temporarily knocked  the senses out of her. With a sigh, she added. “...or maybe not.” Maybe Littlefoot was a tad too fast for her to catch after all. Perhaps she should take a look for her other friends who were hanging around nearby. However, Ducky had hardly set her mind upon it when one of these friends made a pompous entry on the scene.

“Me know you no catch me neither!” Laughing goofily, a brown flyer came approaching fast from above, flapping low above the ground so that Ducky had a realistic chance to reach him.

The swimmer needed no prompting. Quickly, she took position in preparation to jump at the flyer hovering in front of her, hoping to catch him instead of Littlefoot. Narrowing her eyes in a grim but determined look, the swimmer leaped once again but the flyer was out of reach in no time so Ducky reluctantly gave up on the chase.

“You are no fair Petrie, oh no no no…” she quietly complained in a downcast expression, watching the flyer take to the skies while laughing with a triumphant grin on his beakface, however that didn’t last long as a new target presented itself to her immediately.

“Spike…”
Not far from her current position, a dark green coloured spiketail was munching on some vegetation contently, not paying much heed to the ongoing game. He was the perfect target; surely the girl would be able to take advantage of the situation? Ducky knew Spike too well. He was her adopted little brother after all, though he was by far not little and could run fast if he wanted to. She would have to be sneaky unless she wanted to catch him in another head-over-heels chase through half of the Great Valley. Quietly, Ducky got back on her feet, a little smirk appearing on her face as she got in position for a short sprint on silent toes.

“Then I will get Spike!” she thought out loud. However, she couldn’t contain her excitement and ended up giggling a lot as she ran towards the spiketail.

Spike was just enjoying some ground stars - a whole field of them was growing just there on the ground instead of the usual patch of grassy green, when he heard his sister’s cheerful laughter approaching fast. At the back of his mind, he recalled that they decided to play tag but he couldn’t really care much about such a game when such a delicious delicatesse was bewitching his stomach like that. He could tell that the swimmer was trying to use the rock he was sitting next to in order to jump onto him, thus tagging him. All Spike had to do was to duck for more food at the right moment and, as expected, Ducky sailed past him, landing in the middle of the ground stars behind him with a notable thud. Grinning, pleased with himself, Spike tucked into more food.

“Ouwww…” Ducky had taken a rather unpleasant landing on her back which now hurt a little. However, that led her to the next opportunity.

“Cera is also eating at the moment, maybe she will not notice me?” Quietly, Ducky got back to her feet, tiptoeing closer to the orange threehorn, however the girl had noticed her.

“Don’t even think about it, Ducky…” the threehorn warned with her mouth stuffed as she, too, fed on some ground stars.

Slightly, disappointed, Ducky retreated from her friend. If nobody wanted to be caught and she wasn’t able to catch those who would, then how was she supposed to ever rid herself of the chaser role?

“Ducky…” The teasing voice of Littlefoot who was wagging his tail in anticipation sounded from a field of tall grass a little distance away, prompting her to give chase yet again.

“This time I will get him, yes I will!” Ducky thought with grim determination, once more entering a mad sprint to chase after the longneck who fled into the cover of the tall grass which was growing even taller than his long neck. Uttering lots of “can’t catch me’s” and “I’m right behind you’s”, they darted through the wide field of green grass, a few grazing dinosaurs looking up from their meal in confusion as the camouflaged children raced past them laughing and yelling.

After some moments, Littlefoot had found an exit, unable to lose his pursuer. Taking a sharp turn, he ran out into the open only to stop very suddenly as a sudden flashback made him completely oblivious to the game.

*

Clouds were appearing everywhere on the sky, huge, grey thunderclouds giving an apocalyptic impression. The Bright Circle was being approached by them from all sides, the landscape becoming darker and darker as its light faded. Then, the clouds blocked the Bright Circle completely and suddenly it was pitch-black. Screams could be heard everywhere and Littlefoot found himself joining in, the lack of sight frightening him. After a few moments, a small ray of light returned to the sky. It was the Bright Circle breaking through the thick clouds, however, it suddenly got so much brighter, so much bigger… and all so fast. Before Littlefoot knew, there was a boom and then… nothing…

*

Abruptly, Littlefoot stopped dead in his tracks. His attention was no longer on Ducky whose legs had reached their limits as she stumbled out of the tall grass, exhausted. The Bright Circle was shining from the sky as always, no Sky Puffies obscuring his view. Littlefoot was squinting his eyes as he stared into the bright ball above him intensely. How bright it was, blinding his eyes, memories from the dream returning to him, the view ensnaring him.

Meanwhile, Ducky was slowly walking up to the longneck in a slumped manner, gasping for air from the intense running. She reached her tiny hand out and ultimately touched Littlefoot’s leg.

“Tag… you are it… yep yep… yeeeeeeuuup…”

Littlefoot was completely oblivious to that, Ducky sinking into the grass as he walked a few steps towards the bright yellow fireball above him. Climbing onto a tree root sticking out of the ground, he continued to stare while his other friends also emerged from the tall grass. When Littlefoot wouldn’t react, Petrie took it upon himself to remind the longneck of the ongoing game, hovering in front of his face to gain his attention.

“Did you no hear? You it… “

“Huh?!” Littlefoot shook his head as he slipped out of his trance.

“What part of ‘it’ don’t you understand?” Cera questioned with a slight mocking undertone.

“Uh, I-I’m sorry, it’s just…” Littlefoot gave a heavy sigh as his gaze returned to the Bright Circle.

“It’s the Bright Circle; you see it everyday! Why is it suddenly so interesting?” the threehorn continued, puzzled.

“I dunno,” Littlefoot replied. “It looks like something I saw in my sleepstory last night…”

“Sleepstory?!”

“Yup yup yup! I have sleepstories all of the time!” Ducky chimed in, having recovered from the exertion enough, explaining as she gestured expressively. “I love them! I am seeing myself floating down wide waters with good-smelling flowers… ahhhhhh…” While Ducky was spacing out, Petrie took over.

“Me have sleepy stories about flying up high hills and tall trees,” he declared dreamily as he took a short flight to underline his point. As he saw Spike munching on more ground stars again, his flew over to the Spiketail. “Me wonder what Spike have sleepstories about.” It was a rather obvious question, really. Spike was always eating something when he could so most of his dreams must have been about food in one way or another.

“What about you, Cera? Don’t you ever have sleepstories?” Littlefoot pondered, looking back to the threehorn who was mustering him sceptically.

“Threehorns NEVER have any sleepstories; they’re for babies! They’re all just full of dumb stuff that could NEVER happen!” The threehorn walked away, clearly disgusted by the sheer thought of having sleepstories.

“Hmm, I guess you’re right…” Littlefoot admitted though he didn’t agree with the threehorn girl at all. Every once in a while there were dreams Littlefoot would rather keep dreaming forever and never wake up but reality wasn’t the utopia he’d sometimes find himself in. Though, then again, their home was the closest to utopia one could find in their world…

Soon a smug grin appeared on Littlefoot’s face as he came up with a good counter.

“In my sleepstory last night, I saw you butt your head against this tall rock and it split right in half!”

“Really?” Cera turned back to him, curiosity joining with the pride she was wearing. “Did I really do that?”

“Yeah… but like you said, sleepstories are dumb,” Littlefoot mentioned, using her own words against the threehorn. “Stuff like that could never really happen.”

“Oh wait!” Now Cera got a tad nervous. “I didn’t say everything in a sleepstory is dumb…”

“Sure you did,” Littlefoot grinned smugly, supported by his other three friends who were wearing the same emotions and expressions.

“I did not! I said some things!” Cera retorted fiercely. “But this headbutting thing, I could do that.”

If anything, that announcement only caused them to mock her even more.

“Suuure you could,” Littlefoot teased as Ducky broke into a hearty chuckle.

“Yeah right,” Petrie added, both he and Spike giving Cera an encouraging glance to try her luck while Littlefoot also joined the laughter.

“I could too!” Now Cera was angry. For a quick moment, she charged towards her friends. “There’s not a single rock in the Great Valley I couldn’t crack!”

“Yea?” Littlefoot took this as an invitation to make this challenge official. “Hmm, let’s see… how about that one?”

Cera turned around to see where her friend was pointing to, only to see a rock several times her size, made of compact granite, showing no weak spots to take advantage of. It was also positioned next to a very strong tree.

“Yeah, that one!” Petrie cheered, flapping over to perch on it.

Fright found its way into Cera’s emotions, clear to see for everyone present.

“Well? Littlefoot stated, waiting for the confirmation.

“S-sure, I could do that, no problem…” Cera spoke though she sounded far from determined and confident about this. Her friends’ eyes were all on her. She took a few steps back, took a deep breath before the fight returned to her all at once. With a loud scream, she charged madly at the rock, running faster and faster until…

*crash*

Everyone closed their eyes upon the heavy collision of horn and rock. Who would be the winner? A quick glance was enough to tell. While the rock was still standing as unscathed as ever, Cera had bounced back onto her back, drowsily getting back to her feet.

“I’m going home, my head hurts…” Everybody could tell immediately, that the pain wasn’t fake but still they knew Cera a little too long already.

“I didn’t mean to make her hurt her head…” Littlefoot spoke hesitantly - there was no doubt that he was regretting his actions but Cera more often than not teased them quite badly so he had thought to take his chance while he had one. But that backfired quite badly. Though, Petrie knew how to cheer the longneck up.

“Me think you mainly hurt her bragbone…” Littlefoot contemplated about that as he watched the threehorn slowly trot away. Cera held a lot of pride for being a threehorn, strong, tough, good at everything and seeing things as the were while not believing in ridiculous things like sleepstories. When she couldn’t crack the rock, being made a fool by all of her friends, surely that might have hurt her on an emotional level as well. Littlefoot would make sure to apologize the other day although Cera would probably just deny something like this had ever happened. She tended to be that kind of character after all. From the corner of his eye, Littlefoot saw Ducky offering a small smile.

“Do not worry, she will be alright, yep yep yep.”

It was most natural of Ducky to be caring and supportive like that and it brought a smile to Littlefoot’s face.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, grinning sheepishly. “Well, let’s play something else, I guess…”

And so they spent the rest of the day playing Hide and Seek until lunch and then frolicking in several water activities until the Bright Circle began her journey beyond the horizon, their parents calling them home one by one.

On the way home, Littlefoot remembered many things; his mind was a mess. However, by the time he arrived at home, he was simply too tired to engage his grandparents in any discussions about it so he fell asleep with lots of things on his mind...

~~~~~

Alright, here you finally have it. Littlefoot's entry into this story (and the gang's, obviously). As I said before, after some consideration I decided to add Littlefoot's story too, considering that the gang will get their part as well later on.

Not much different from the movie here except for the introduction and the extended ending. I feel like that scene from the movies serves rather well to introduce these characters (I tried giving everyone some screentime but the characterizations will come in one of the next chapters (writing the story as if introducing characters not formerly known to the reader which is a nice practise for me as a writer and also easier for readers who may not be too familiar with The Land Before Time (who knows who reads this story... xD)

The ending may seem a little sudden and lame but trust me I had something in mind there which just didn't fit into this chapter and will make up the next Littlefoot-centered one (Chapter 6 aka. the chapter supposed to be released this weekend :o)

So yeah, enough babbling, next chapter will develop Bron's and Shorty's relationship and shows how the initial distrust of Shorty slowly turns into something completely else. Also... backstories :)

Hope you liked this chapter and again apologies for the super late update, I was so busy, still am :(


~~~~~~~

Quote
You're right in saying this is very different from the Ali we grew up with after LBT 4 came out, but character development can enhance that of the story, whether it is for the better of that character, or the worse. In Ali's case, her constant nightmares that her herd are sharing are bringing with them a change in her character that will only be the beginning of her getting to know that this is something that every Longneck goes through, and I'm afraid this will only continue to affect her until "that time" arrives.  I'm very appreciative of stories with big character developments, "The Swimmer Trials" being a major example, and you've gotten off to a great start with Ali's.

Thank you very much for the review!  :^^spike I'm also a big supporter of characters discovering new sides to them as part of their character development. Glad to hear that my approach worked, apparently  :idea

Quote
My singular thought after reading this chapter: Children will never understand adults, and vice versa. :SmugSpike

Also reading this makes me feel that Ali's exclusion in LBT10 is such a waste

 :add  :^^spike

Quote
This chapter introduced another one of the protagonists quite nicely and it established Ali’s herd’s situation effectively. Ali’s thoughts felt natural even if her behavior was quite annoying near the end, imo. Still, her reaction to the sleep stories felt natural and I like the way you made her mirror her current life to the possibility of simply staying in the Great Valley. But her fight with her mother wasn’t really the most logical thing to do and it didn’t help that she just had to catch the Old One’s interest in her actions too. Those things hardly make things more pleasant for the duo in the herd. Anyway, I look forward to seeing what’ll happen in her second chapter and again, this installment was quite needed as I remember the early Ali chapters being quite clumsily written in the original version. Judging by the way things are developing, the next one will be Littlefoot’s introduction, if I’m not completely mistaken. :OhYou

Yes, you were spot on there  :^^spike

I can see why Ali might be seen as annoying in that chapter. Let's be honest, it's not her brightest moment after all. But people do stupid things if they're in love  :sducky

And yes... Ali's early chapters were... uhh  :bolt

Thanks for the review :)


Quote
It has been awhile since I read the first few chapters of Shorty's Dark Past, but from what I remember this current incarnation is establishing the personalities, backstories, and situations much more effectively than in the first incarnation.  In chapter 1 we get to see a rather desperate Shorty, hotheaded as usual, but still concerned for his own safety and that of the hatchlings that are following him.  Shorty's "WTF" response to an adult looking at him desperately, only to turn away with disinterest is a very understandable reaction that I think anyone would have in that circumstance.  Likewise, Bron's single-minded search to the exclusion of all else does establish both his love for his (as of yet) unseen son and also a character weakness in him that he often shows such empathy for one person but can ignore those who are not kin.  It will be interesting to see how this dynamic develops.

Thanks rhombus, you bring up thoughts about Bron I haven't been considering so far. I'll have to keep that in mind to make use of it later in the story :yes

Quote
As for chapter 2 we get to see a very different Ali than in LBT 4, but one that is understandably annoyed with the regimentation of her herd and the lack of understanding from the fellow herdmates. The obvious panic when she saw her mother rolling over in her sleep is certainly an understandable one.  Though this does make me wonder what are the statistics on longneck children being accidentally stepped on or rolled over on by parents.  :p  I think we might need to have flyers give Public Information Addresses to protect these vulnerable kids before their heads get any flatter.  :p All joking aside, this was a lovely addition to the story and I look forward to seeing where it goes from here.  :)

Heh, gee I wonder ;)

Thank you very much, glad you liked these two chapters so far :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on September 12, 2018, 10:24:44 AM
Oh, I like this!

My favorite part is the gang four-in-one cornering after Littlefoot baited Cera with the sleep stories. That was written so fluidly that it was almost like the interaction came out of a legit film. :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on September 12, 2018, 10:58:14 AM
That moment between Littlefoot and his friends felt just like a typical scene from the movies. You can't go without their all-so-familiar, cute, funny and friendly conversations with occasional teasing. It's the perfect way to start Littlefoot's story. He is having these strange visions, and yet his friends suspect nothing coming. Now, like I said, I only watched the tenth film once, so I feel as if I'm seeing something new all over again, since I remember almost nothing about it. I felt the scenes with the Gang were cute, and I can't wait to see more!  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on September 12, 2018, 02:45:52 PM
To be honest, this chapter didn’t leave me with a whole lot to review. You managed to retell the tenth film’s opening parts quite effectively and I liked the way you described these familiar events unfold. I especially liked the tag scene as I found it to be written rather effectively and it shed some light into Ducky’s thoughts. The Gang’s discussion with Cera was also done quite well even if the retelling didn’t add a whole lot to that scene. Overall, this chapter followed the film from start to finish which isn’t a bad thing but I hope there will be some new stuff in the next ones. Your use of “terra incognita” also caught my eye as I’m not sure if such phrases fit LBT too well. But other than that, you opened Littlefoot’s story quite nicely.  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on September 15, 2018, 01:53:30 AM
I think the decision to not deviate much from the formula of an opening to a LBT film was a good call for this chapter.  Though the already effective flow of the film was retained in this passage, the thoughts and perspective of Ducky were much better conveyed as is possible through the medium of the written word.  The introduction of Littlefoot here was also well done, as he is presented as he typically is in the films, carefree and joyful.  In establishing him in this manner his experience serves as a contrast to the hardships of Shorty and Ali.  And it gives us, the readers, a better feel for the clash of experiences that is to come.  Nicely done!
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on September 18, 2018, 07:01:56 PM
Chapter 4: Dawn of a new life

A few days later, the adult longneck was still with Shorty and the hatchlings. They had been making good progress on their path, however it was a mostly quiet journey, both the adult and the child keeping to themselves, only the hatchlings occasionally crying or playing. Somewhere deep inside Shorty was really glad not having to watch over them himself now but still that grown-up longneck puzzled him. He may have told him briefly what he was doing out here all alone but it still raised suspicions in the young boy.

The day was reaching its peak and the heat was particularly excruciating that day with not a single cloud on the sky. The adult was walking at a whole different speed than what he had been journeying at with the hatchlings. He carried the smaller children most of the time since they were no match for his speed but Shorty was sturdy enough to keep up if he walked fast. As the day progressed, his legs had gone more and more tired and his walk was slumping more and more, his breath going at a noticeable speed. They weren't taking any breaks while walking uphill, about to reach the peak of the mountains they had to cross in order to reach better lands, and slowly but surely Shorty was reaching his limit...  not that he'd ever admit such a thing. His exhaustion wasn't lost on the brown longneck and when Shorty started lagging behind, he decided to stop and bring it up, though quite aware of the little boy's distrust and pride.

"If the walk is too hard on you, I can carry you for a while too," he spoke casually, sending a look of understanding in the little child's direction. Shorty, though, sent a gruff glare back.

"Thanks, but I'm not a weak hatchling anymore. I'm fine!"

"Well, I'm not gonna slow down so you gotta keep up with me," the adult explained calmly. "If we get down these mountains before dusk, there's a chance we'll get a refreshing drink or even a meal today."

As much as Shorty wanted to rest, his pride and his life-long goal to be the strongest and the best at everything kept him from saying that out loud. Moreover, the thought of riding on a stranger who he hardly knew and trusted even less gave him chills. Heck, he didn't even know his name though, to be fair, he hadn't let the stranger on about his name either.

"I'll be honest," Shorty suddenly announced sharply, deciding to bring his misgivings to the surface. "I might not be able to... keep your speed - I'm much smaller after all, it's no fair!"

"Did you consider this a challenge? A competition?" the adult interrupted wondering, trying hard to remain serious and neutral but he couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the boy's antics which reminded him so much of his younger self.

"S-sorta, I guess..." Shorty shrugged, seeing the knowing glance of the adult but decided not to give it any thought. "Anyway, to be honest, I still don't feel comfortable around you."

"Blunt but honest..." the stranger mused, again recognizing himself in the little boy.

"For starters, you never told me your name, stranger."

"Neither did you tell me yours or the names of the little ones up here," the grown up replied, raising one eyebrow. "Well, let's get that of the way shall we? They call me Bron." Bron offered a friendly smile which was met by the boy's squinted glare.

"I'm Shorty... but don't you dare..."

"No worries, I'm too old for teasing people's names. One can only muse what some dinosaurs are thinking when naming their offspring sometimes." Bron mused. Hadn't he given his only son his silly childhood nickname?

"So, how about it, Shorty? Feeling a little less strange around me?"

"Not really," Shorty spoke a little coldly. Bron looked slightly disappointed.

"Kid, I don't know what you've been through before and I'm not gonna ask but it's not very convenient to be distrusting of those you travel with. I guarantee you I wouldn't bother to put up with you and the little ones if I didn't have something to gain. These years have been very lonely and it feels good being able to help someone." Bron's expression changed into a friendly smile.

"Don't worry, I don't bite. You can talk about anything." Bron cast a glance ahead of their way. "But we've gotta get going again for now so what about it now? Need a lift or not? It's no problem for me..."

Shorty pondered hard, torn between taking the offer and getting a little respite from the tiresome ascent and keeping his pride. In the back of his mind, he also hadn't forgotten his father's words. But Bron was acting rather kind and, slowly, the boy began to believe him more than his father.

"Only 'till we've reached the top..." Shorty eventually gave in reluctantly. As he allowed the adult to lift him using his tail, he added. "But don't think I'm doing this because I'm too weak to carry on, that's not it!"

"Alright," Bron exclaimed. "Let's get this over with, this is good exercise!"And with that he entered a pace Shorty would have never been able to keep up with even if he jogged along. Shorty noticed the change of attitude in the adult who was now far more outgoing and lively. Admittedly, it didn't support his objections against him at all and it was getting harder to sustain them. It was even kind of a cool feeling just being carried around like that. He'd had to walk himself wherever his family had been going for as long as he remembered.

Bron reached the top soon, allowing Shorty who was now in much better shape to continue the trek on his own. And their long necks perked up when they saw the distant river, clearly carrying less water than during better times but supplying some green here and there along its path.

"It's worse than I remember but better than I feared. Let's head for that small pond right at the base of the mountains," Bron suggested, leading the children to their first food in several days. By the time they arrived, the sky was slowly switching to its evening palette.

The pond was small but its water was clean and not too warm. Greedily they drank, the water moistening their dry throats. Then they turned their attention to a few dozen trees that were growing in the vicinity. Bron took a few bites out of the greenest they could find, dropping the food on the ground for the children to eat. Nobody said anything as they ate many days worth of food - the only way to restore their strength even if it put a strain on their stomachs. Eventually, the last light of the day slowly fading, they were all stuffed and tired, the hatchlings soon sleeping tight as Bron was watching over them with a slight smile. It was a sight he'd wanted to see for years, although the fact that he wasn't watching his own son sleep somehow didn't sit well with him. The adult longneck's glance wandered a short distance away to the spot Shorty had chosen for the night - it seemed that the boy was rather reclusive. However, when he looked his way, Bron couldn't see him.

"Hmm, did he give me the slip?" The grown-up pondered about this. Maybe this boy was only looking for someone to take care of the hatchlings because he couldn't take care of them himself? Then again, he was awfully lost and probably wouldn't get very far before he'd perish one way or another. Even though he'd never admit it, obviously, Bron just couldn't believe that so he started scanning the area for any signs of the green coloured boy, only the light of the Night Circle supporting him in his quest. And indeed, just a little further away, perching on a rock, he found the child.

"Probably can't sleep either tonight..." the grown-up mused, quietly getting to his feet and sneaking closer to the boy on silent toes - well, as silent as a longneck of his size could operate, after making sure that all hatchlings were sound asleep. Chances were the boy would reject his attempt to talk again but just perhaps this was the perfect time to approach the boy...

"Hey Shorty," he spoke quietly after making sure for his arrival to be heard lest to startle the boy. Shorty didn't turn his face towards him so it was impossible to tell his reaction but his initial response wasn't hostile.

"Hi..." Shorty flinched when he noticed that his new caretaker had figured out that he wasn't at his designated sleeping spot. Would he have to expect punishment? His father would have never allowed such a thing and although Bron didn't seem like the strict type, just his size and muscular build gave him a bit of a familiar resemblance.

"What'cha doing?" Bron asked mildly curious. "I'm not trying to intrude but you really should be resting. I never stay anywhere, you see, and surely you don't want me to carry you again, do you?" A glint of youthful mirth appeared on the adult longneck's face.

"Or course not," the boy answered though not retorting as Bron would have expected. "I couldn't sleep. Sometimes that happens when I have things on my mind. Looking at the blinky lights and the Night Circle helps me think so I went somewhere you can see them clearly."

Bron tilted his head slightly as he listened. He actually knew exactly what the boy was going through, having seen many of these moments during his lonely search whenever his conscience had caught up to him.

"Are you mad? I should've told you I guess..."

"Hey, remember I'm not a parent to you or anything, just happen to have an eye on you kids so maybe one day you can find a place to call home or a herd to belong to. Maybe even a family. It'd only be fair to be given that chance rather than meeting a likely end.”

At this, Shorty visibly relaxed, all tension falling from the child.

“Gee, thanks… I guess?” Shorty muttered awkwardly.

“So looking at the blinky lights, are we?” Bron picked up the conversation again. “Hatchlings are sleeping so... if you don’t mind…” A questioning smile underlined his unspoken request. Shorty understood and, to his surprise, nodded.

“Sure… since we’re now travelling together and all… there’s something I’ve been curious about anyway…”

“Same here, same here…” Bron admitted as he took a seat next to the boy. “First of all, do these hatchlings have names to go by? They’re too young to talk, can’t be older than a season, maybe.”

“Dunno, I just gave them nicknames based on how they look and act…” Shorty answered, shrugging. “No clue what their actual names are… the black girl for example, I call her Shadow because she looks so ugly…”

“Not very nice, are you?” Bron chuckled while Shorty merely shrugged. “If it’s okay to ask… how’d you come to care for them, being only a child yourself?”

“Only?” the green longneck snorted, “Well, I sorta ran into them. They were all alone and began following me. Had no clue what to do with them half of the time but it sorta worked out until now.” It wasn’t the full truth but Shorty really didn’t feel like telling how it really happened…

“Fair enough,” Bron acknowledged. “Although you really don’t seem like the type of dinosaur to be selfless like that…”

“Well, they are orphans too,” Shorty pointed out. “Just didn’t feel right.”

“Yes, I completely understand… for I have agreed to travel with you for no other reason than that…” Bron suddenly became very contemplative and Shorty also seemed to be reminded of something unpleasant.

“Hmm, how about it, Shorty? I’d like to know a little more about you and I think same goes to you. Seeing unspoken questions on your lips there.”

“Mhm… yeah,” Shorty admitted reluctantly.

“Still doubting me?” Bron inquired though with an understanding look. “I can understand and maybe I’ll be able to understand you even better once I’ve learned about your background.”

“My background?” Shorty wondered.

“Well, yeah. Things you’ve been up to before you became an orphan… some info about your folks, your family.” When Shorty gave him an odd look, Bron quickly added. “I will tell you more about me as well, let’s be fair there.” A quick twinkle of his eye took the hesitation out of the boy.

“Oh alright… I guess it doesn’t hurt… not too much,” Shorty sighed, giving in reluctantly. “But you go first.”

“Can be arranged,” Bron replied. “Let’s see… where do I start?” Truth be told, Bron had met so many dinosaurs on his journey whom he’d tell his story in order to get information which almost nobody possessed - how could they after all, the world was so big that even the oldest farwalker hadn’t seen it all, that he knew all the words by heart but time and again it hurt so much to go through these darkest moments of his life again…

“So, I already told you I had a family once. A mate… and an egg that would hatch eventually. Together with my parents in law, we were a family.”

“Sorry to interrupt…” Shorty spoke up but he had a burning question on his mind. “What are parents in law? I’ve never heard my dad using that term…”

“No worries, I’ll explain,” Bron stated kindly. “It’s what you call the parents of your mate, of your partner who you chose to be together with. Not many are living with their in-laws since every so often children leave their families when they find a partner for life or explore the world when they’re grown up. Or, simply put, some just don’t survive long enough to witness the hatching of their grandchildren. Does that explain it?”

“Yeah, I think I’ve understood, thanks,” Shorty spoke, continuing to listen to the adult with mild interest.

“So, a family we were. My mate and I already settled on a name for the only egg that came out intact, prospering. If you’re curious, we called him ‘Littlefoot’.”

“That’s a silly name,” Shorty couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. “Though, to be fair, mine ain’t any better.”

“Well, especially my mate thought it was a cute name so I gave in.” Bron smiled. “Anyway, look around us. The drought isn’t just chasing us here, it seems to reach as far as word can spread. My family knew that Littlefoot wouldn’t be able to grow up nicely in the environment we lived in which was suffering under the drought just as much as this place. Migrating with a hatchling to lands unknown seemed too risky for us so I offered to go on a long journey to find us all a new home.”

“Have you found such a place?” Shorty inquired with some curiosity.

“I regret to say this but… I haven’t.” Bron frowned. “Even during these years wandering about, even though I was looking for a specific place rumoured to exist far away in the west where the Bright Circle leaves the sky each day… I never found what they call ‘The Great Valley’ nor any similar place that might sustain my family in the long run. But having walked so far, I didn’t want to return without having accomplished something so I kept on searching. Everywhere I was going, the land was changing, the drought advancing, fear and despair spreading. It took very long until I realized how much time had passed and that I’d been gone for more than two full season cycles. Took me many more seasons to find my way back to lands that I’d been to before and even then I lost my way many times. When I finally found the place we used to live at, all that greeted me was a crack in the ground as wide as the broadest rivers and deeper than the eye could see. As I learned later, a terrible eathshake unlike anything anyone had ever seen split the land in half just where we used to live. That crack stretched on much farther than the most distant mountains and there was no way to get across. I doubted that my family would have waited all these years for me so I started walking into the direction my mate said she’d be going if ever something forced them to leave before I could reunite with them. So I began to follow the Bright Circle to the place she touches down each day, asking anyone I could find about their whereabouts. After a while, I got a few clues and changed my course. It still took me many many night circle cycles until I finally found someone who knew…” Bron’s neutral narration suddenly took a sharp turn when emotions meddled with his voice.

“Knew what?” Shorty immediately caught a touch of anger and grief, assuming that he was about to learn about a tragedy. Oh how right he was.

“That day I learned the terrible truth!” Shorty wasn’t sure whether grief or anger were stronger in the brown longneck but he decided not to interrupt him for now, unsure about how he might react.

“They must have walked very far from our home by then because so had I. The stranger gave me directions, apparently just a few days of travel until I’d reach the dreaded crack in the ground that spread even to places so far away. And before I went, he told me what had transpired there only a mere season ago… after hearing that I… I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to go anymore…”

“What did he tell you?” Shorty asked carefully.

“On the day that the earthshake struck, a gigantic Sharptooth appeared, chasing Littlefoot. I was glad to hear he had survived for so long but…” Bron was struggling to go on. “His mother, she… she died trying to defend him. As they fought, the earthshake happened. She was injured but, according to the eye witness I met, she did save Littlefoot, pushing the Sharptooth into the abyss when it was forming. But… she had obtained a terrible injury during the fight and… she died…”

“Oh no… I’m sorry to hear that, Bron…” Shorty immediately stated as Bron regained his composure.

“Thank you, although I’m used to dinosaurs not caring… So, Littlefoot was saved but nobody had seen him again either. Did he end up perishing in the earthshake? Did he remain with his mother until some other sharpteeth found the corpse… or did he bravely wander all alone to find his grandparents who had apparently survived, though they were on the other side of the crack that split the lands? I really don’t know what to believe, Shorty, but unless I hear otherwise… he might very well be alive, wandering around like you did, all alone. I have to find him if he’s still there somewhere…”

“But where? He could be anywhere!” Shorty realized.

“Or dead… if he died alone, nobody will ever know… Shorty, I don’t know how long I should keep this up…” Deep regret and pain was apparent in the adult. “I’ve been doing nothing but wandering around for an eternity… but what good did it do? I literally amounted to nothing and lost my only family too along the way…”

“A-are you asking me for advice now? H-how should I…” Shorty was confused about Bron’s sudden outburst who soon explained.

“No, it was more… thinking out loud. These things are what often keeps me awake at night when my conscience haunts me again. But that should be enough about me. Feel like you know me a little better?”

“Well…” Shorty pondered. While Bron shared his tragic story with him, his sympathies for the adult grew a thousand-fold while his doubts shrunk. Lonely for so long himself, save for the hatchlings, Shorty could finally relate to the tall longneck… especially when he considered his own story…

“I think I no longer doubt you… not really anyway. Thanks for telling me, Bron. I guess that makes it my turn then?” Shorty shifted around uncomfortably.

“I suppose so. Unless you’ve decided otherwise of course.”

“I suppose it doesn’t hurt too much…” the green boy shrugged. “Though my story ain’t pretty either…”

“Thought no less than that,” Bron commented. “Well, I’m all ear then.”

Shorty took a deep breath and recollected his thoughts though even then he had no clue where to start.

“Unlike you, though, I… haven’t told anyone this story before…”

“I see, then how about your family, or your herd if you were part of one? Tell me about them,” Bron asked in an attempt to help the little longneck. Apparently, he was being helpful enough.

“Well, it was just my dad and my four siblings. Never got to know my mother, dad only said she was tall and beautiful…”

“Any clues why you’ve never got to know her?” Bron questioned.

“Well, yeah. Dad said she’s just been stupid but personally I’m pretty sure dad just pissed her off. He’s a jerk, I should mention.” Subdued anger and disappointment began heating his emotions up.

“Hmm, you say a jerk… what did he do to earn such a title?” Bron inquired with curiosity but also with concern, seeing as the boy’s family life clearly hadn’t been very healthy.

“Whacked my siblings and me when we misbehaved, never showing any affection or the like. He treated us terribly and to top it off he’d been addicted to a certain kind of leaves. Whenever he had it, he was totally crazy and whenever he didn’t, he was violent and aggressive. He hadn’t found any for several seasons and things just got worse and worse. One day I couldn’t bear it anymore and ran away…”

Bron didn't comment on Shorty's story immediately, considering his word choices carefully.

"I can't even begin to comprehend the stupidity of your actions, Shorty. Why run away from your family? You could have gotten yourself killed..."

"You don't understand..." Shorty pleaded, attempting to explain. "You don't understand until you've met my dad. Before I ran away, I almost got beaten to death if it weren't for my siblings pleading for him to stop! I ran away as soon as I was able to walk again..."

"Still..."

"I was gonna die there sooner or later..." Shorty snorted.

Bron gave a loud sigh.

"Alright, it's not my right to critisize your decisions. I'll believe your story. You got really lucky though to have met me."

"Thanks," Shorty sighed with relief, the memories messing with him. "What I still don't quite get though... why would you protect me?"

"For the same reason that you were protecting the hatchlings, Shorty. Only unlike you I'm quite capable of doing so." A slight grin flashed across his face. "Or do you think I survived all these years through sheer luck like you?"

"Proooobably not..." Shorty replied with an unreadable expression. Bron chuckled.

"Well, I'll go back to the little ones, you don't stay up too late, alright?"

"I..." the boy hesitated.

"Yes, Shorty? Speak your mind, it's okay." Bron was curious. He'd noticed that the boy's guard was dropping more and more which meant that he trusted him by now.

"Well... I'll sleep with you guys anyway... I'm actually a little sleepy now..." As if on command, a hearty yawn escaped from his mouth.

"Alright," Bron replied, smiling at the child. Having earned his trust meant a lot to the brown longneck and, somehow, it felt like a new episode of his life was about to begin. That night, for the first time in ages, Bron didn't have any nightmares, watching Shorty and the little ones sleep huddled close to each other for a while before he, too, allowed himself to get some rest.

~~~~~

I daresay this is a lot better than their original chapter :lol

Shorty and Bron begin to connect and, as you should know, they eventually form a loose father-son relationship, albeit one with many faults. I feel making Shorty a lot more hesitant while also making him act more mature and reasonable was very important and I hope you will agree. At any case, let me know! ^^

~~~~~

Quote
Oh, I like this!

My favorite part is the gang four-in-one cornering after Littlefoot baited Cera with the sleep stories. That was written so fluidly that it was almost like the interaction came out of a legit film. :)

Not sure if you've ever seen the 10th film but that was actually taken almost 1 to 1 from the 10th movie :P Anyway, thanks! :DD

Quote
That moment between Littlefoot and his friends felt just like a typical scene from the movies. You can't go without their all-so-familiar, cute, funny and friendly conversations with occasional teasing. It's the perfect way to start Littlefoot's story. He is having these strange visions, and yet his friends suspect nothing coming. Now, like I said, I only watched the tenth film once, so I feel as if I'm seeing something new all over again, since I remember almost nothing about it. I felt the scenes with the Gang were cute, and I can't wait to see more!  :)

Thank you very much, glad to hear that I delivered :smile

Quote
To be honest, this chapter didn’t leave me with a whole lot to review. You managed to retell the tenth film’s opening parts quite effectively and I liked the way you described these familiar events unfold. I especially liked the tag scene as I found it to be written rather effectively and it shed some light into Ducky’s thoughts. The Gang’s discussion with Cera was also done quite well even if the retelling didn’t add a whole lot to that scene. Overall, this chapter followed the film from start to finish which isn’t a bad thing but I hope there will be some new stuff in the next ones. Your use of “terra incognita” also caught my eye as I’m not sure if such phrases fit LBT too well. But other than that, you opened Littlefoot’s story quite nicely.  :)

Thank you very much! :)

Yeah, I figured it'd be best to follow this great opening sequence for his introduction. Don't worry, there will be some additional content for sure in both Littlefoot's and the gang's parts :yes


Quote
I think the decision to not deviate much from the formula of an opening to a LBT film was a good call for this chapter.  Though the already effective flow of the film was retained in this passage, the thoughts and perspective of Ducky were much better conveyed as is possible through the medium of the written word.  The introduction of Littlefoot here was also well done, as he is presented as he typically is in the films, carefree and joyful.  In establishing him in this manner his experience serves as a contrast to the hardships of Shorty and Ali.  And it gives us, the readers, a better feel for the clash of experiences that is to come.  Nicely done!

Thank you very much, rhombus! Of course I had to introduce that flatheaded goofball properly :P The next chapter that features Littlefoot might not be as light-hearted as this one though.

Thanks for the reviews everyone, really pushes me to try stay on schedule (or at least close to that lol).

In the next chapter, we'll see Ali standing up to her views. Is she going to get into trouble? I'll hurry so you won't have to wait :P
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on September 18, 2018, 07:41:09 PM
Wow. This was quite a read for me. Shorty seems to be acting a lot like Cera, but Bron sure is one to not give up on getting him to open up.

Bron has apparently been struggling to stay strong when coping with the loss of his family, but not letting himself fall into despair has kept him going through all the droughts he's faced.

Shorty's story seemed quite tragic. I'm actually wondering myself what really became of his mother, but once I read about his father, I got these vibes that made me think about my own recent stories with my short-lived Swimmer OC characters. I couldn't blame the kid for running away from his family, although he sure seemed to have taken a gamble when he ended up in the middle of nowhere with these orphaned hatchlings. His short life seems to have been filled with bad luck.

I'm liking this slow buildup between Bron and Shorty, and I can sense that it won't be long before Shorty starts seeing Bron as a fatherly figure that his own father could not be. This is turning into quite a dynamic story. Keep up the good work!  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on September 19, 2018, 08:42:39 AM
*sees Ducky's reply* Wow, it really is. I'm sorry, I really have not seen LBT X in forever. Uh, that's awkward... I'm not sure if the fact I can't remember is more telling on me or the film... I better rewatch that movie before I type a silly comment again... after this comment.

Shorty's story is pretty darn tragic. Self-orphaning by running away tugged at me.

Bron and Shorty's talk with each other is written really well. It's probably the writing style or the setting, but I get the sense that they're both withholding information from the other when it first begins as a conversation on a serene night, before relenting and revealing more bout their own lives as it plays on and turns deep and personal. The scene and background is captured really well. :D

(On a personal note do you want me to transfer all my reviews to the FFN mirror of this story as well? I mean, I don't mind since I intend to try and review more and go into more in-depth analysis for the forum. Might as well get my personal submitted review count on that FFN account up a bit)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on September 19, 2018, 02:54:03 PM
This chapter certainly began developing the duo’s relationship far better than the original version did. The initial description of the scene was done in a nice way and the leadup to the main conversation was rather believable as the brief talk about Shorty’s ability to keep us with Bron was one of the few ways to break the ice with the boy. The duo’s initial banter leading to their backgrounds flowed seamlessly as it was made clear that the relationship flourished mostly because they knew they were both in horrible situations.
Bron’s backstory was told rather nicely but damn, those additional, broken eggs which Bron left unmentioned again bother me. :boohoo Also, the “in law” caught my eye as there are no laws in LBT. Otherwise, this was a good way to deepen and develop the longneck’s story from the actual film. Shorty’s story, on the other hand, was cut short briefly but I know that his actual background wasn’t revealed until much later in the original story. Yet, the ending with the duo’s easing mental trauma seemed like a quick one as I’d think their troubles run deeper than one discussion. But being able to speak about one’s troubles is quite easing so I guess the ending works quite well. Overall, nice job as usual. I’ve got the feeling the revised version of SDP is turning out quite nicely.  :yes
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on September 25, 2018, 10:05:32 PM
This chapter did a far superior job of introducing the Bron / Shorty relationship than the original incarnation of this story.  Though Shorty is still standoffish and Bron is still distant, we can see the need in both of them to find someone else to care for and to be cared for in return.  For Bron part of this drive comes from a need to find his son that he believes to possibly be lost forever, whereas for Shorty it comes from a need to find the loving father he never had.  In the end we are left with two broken dinosaurs who have found one another and, along the way, have found that they perhaps have more in common than they suspected.  Though certain plot points that were held in reserve in the first story are being told earlier in this case, I think that actually works better here.  We get to more immediately see what has driven Shorty's actions and to relate to him in a more relatable manner. 

Besides the improvement in character development and narrative in this installment versus the older story I must also applaud you on the improvement in prose.  In much the same manner as the original Shorty's Dark Past had superior writing to your first story, this revised SDP shows a skill with the English language that is much improved over the original.  The dialogue feels much more natural and fits the characters in a much more individualized fashion.

All in all this story is moving along very nicely and I look forward to seeing how things develop from here.  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Flathead770 on September 27, 2018, 11:44:48 PM
When did these chapters slip past me? I thought I was only 1 behind but I guess not :lol

Chapter 3 is a faithful re-telling from the movie, which was done well and serves as a good introduction as we now get a short glimpse into each longnecks lives after their sleepstory. I like how you showed how Spike's ducking down was actually intentional and not just coincidental :p

Chapter 4 was the exciting one of the two for sure as we're given some interesting developments on both sides. Bron seems a lot more regretful and broken in his story telling here, which seems about right since he did lose everything at this point (though maybe his relationship with Shorty helped ease the pain a little by the time he told the story to Littlefoot? Or maybe just knowing Littlefoot was still alive helped him deal with it?). Shorty's past was also teased here with a very not surprising rough past, though it's interesting to see an actual abusive relationship here. I must admit that I found the whole addictive leaves to be kinda funny (somebody's been eating the golden petals of the night flower for more then medicinal purposes it seems :lol ).

Joking aside it was an enjoyable read and am looking forward to seeing what's in store for Ali next (even if it takes me longer then normal to get around to it :p )
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on September 30, 2018, 04:39:31 PM
Chapter 5: Conflict and meeting

Laughter was sounding as the two little longnecks played to their heart’s content, chasing each other back to fro and wrestling on the ground in tease fights. Eventually, they were tired from their games, resting in the shade of a large tree and reflecting on the day in the late afternoon sun.

"That was so much fun," the pink coloured girl spoke with a content smile, her male purple-brown-ish counterpart nodding eagerly.

"You bet, Ali, you bet," the boy laughed, their tails touching.

"I like you, Littlefoot," the girl spoke with a shy smile, inching closer to the boy.

"Me too," the boy replied, blushing slightly as his friend inched even closer until she was leaning against him smiling contently.

*

"Ali, wake up sleepyhead!"

The scene changed abruptly, the face of the handsome boy being replaced by that of her mother pushing her awake impatiently.

"I am awake..." Ali sighed as she groggily uncurled her extremities, stretching her limbs while trying to hold on onto the dream she'd just had. But her mother wouldn't let her.

"Have a quick meal and wash yourself, Ali. We have a meeting to attend - yes, you as well."

Ali's expression went from groggy to confused to annoyed faster than a fastrunner could run.

"Wait, why do I need to attend some stupid meeting that goes on for hours and in the end everyone agrees with Old One anyway?"

"You have to," her mother stated simply. It was a rule after all and in this herd rules were best not to be broken.

"Well, I don't want to!" Ali complained. Meetings were no fun, not that she had anything better to do but going about her usual ways at least gave her some freedom.

"Whether you go or not is not for you to decide, Ali," her mother spoke in a calm but agitated tone. "What do you think would happen to the herd if everyone did as they pleased?"

"They would be happy..." Ali muttered quietly.

"Chaos, Ali, chaos," her mother explained with dramatic gestures. "What if the Old One made an important decision - a new rule perhaps, and you are not aware of it? Surely, you should know what that means, my daughter..."

"No need to remind me, mum," Ali groaned, getting ever so annoyed. She’d already been reminded of her harsh punishment after her adventure with Littlefoot long ago… enough was enough!

"That's right, now stand still, your face is all dirty..."

Reluctantly, Ali endured the procedure but her mother did so painfully meticulous. At some point, Ali had enough.

"Cut it out already, it's clean now!"

"It's not clean enough yet," the grown-up replied casually. "You want to look nice so Old One approves of you."

"I couldn't care less about that, you know?"

"How dare you, Ali!" Now the tone changed drastically. "It is bad behavior to attend a meeting dirty. Do you want everyone to think of you as a dirty girl with no manners?"

"Hrm..." the child grunted.

"Girls who aren't looking nice don't get attention from the males either," her mother warned but little did Ali care.

"Yeah... like there are any boys my age in this herd... don't be ridiculous mum..." Ali rolled her eyes. "Besides, I don't need to look nice for boys, I already made my choice long ago!"

"Oh, like a little child like you understands that kind of thing at that age, you are being the ridiculous one here!" The adult glared at her daughter. "You know as well as me that you won't be seeing this Great Valley boy again, forget him already..."

"Will not!" Ali retorted. "That's my decision, not yours..."

"Ali, stop being naughty!" her mother warned but Ali finally had enough of this.

"Leave me alone!"

"No, I will most certainly not!" the adult retorted fiercely. "Don't make me report your bad manners to our glorious leader... you would regret that."

"Bla Bla Bla..." Ali sighed. "That never worked on me you know mum?"

"Young lady, don't you dare..." Her mother was now fully agitated, lowering her voice in a threatening manner.

"Is that all?" Ali wondered in a bored manner.

"Ali, come on! Can't you just be obedient like you used to be?!"

"Nay!"

"Ali!"

"I’m SICK of it, mum!"

"Nobody cares, you are to follow our herd's rules and that's final!" The grown up was panting in anger now.

"Well, try and make me," Ali challenged, almost playfully.

"YOU ATTEND THAT MEETING NOW!!!" The adult was fuming. "Don't you dare, Ali..."

The girl faked a yawn.

"ALI!!!" her mother yelled.

"This herd is BOOOOOOOORING!!!" Ali screamed back." I wanna have FUN!!! And I won't let you spoil it!!! Seeya!!!" Ali started running towards a nearby forest.

"YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE, YOUNG LADY!!!" the female thundered but Ali merely waved her tail.

"Catch me if you can!"

"ALI!!! This will have consequences!!!" her mother threatened in a last attempt to dissuade the child from leaving. But Ali had already disappeared into the thick foliage.

"That girl, what is she thinking?!"Sighing, the grown up took a deep breath before she went to attend the meeting alone.

*

When the Bright Circle rose over the wide clearing which was the designated place to gather for meetings and other important meetups, Ali’s mother was still fuming over her daughter’s behavior. Why couldn’t the girl just do as she was told? She herself wasn’t always happy with how Ali had to grow up but it was the best for her as this herd provided her with all the safety and life experiences she’d need to survive on her own one day. Sure, a sheltered life in the Great Valley which Ali, or so she assumed, was dreaming of, was nice but if it came down to survival, the girl would be helpless if she never learned the ways of the barren lands. Although she didn’t always agree with her leader, the Old One, who was surveying the crowd to assess the participation of the meeting, a strong longneck like her at the top of the herd meant stability and safety for Ali as well as her. If only the girl came to appreciate these values…

“Ahem!”

The chit-chat of the assembled longnecks quickly ceased as their leader cleared her throat with remarkable effect. The dinosaurs standing loosely scattered in small groups quickly formed a perfect semi-circle into which the old dinosaur walked with sublime steps.

“Good morning,” she spoke dryly, her gaze wandering through the ranks.

A chorus of sleepy “good mornings” sounded through the forest.

“I know many of you would have preferred this meeting to be held a little later, including myself, but does it not seem appropriate to do so when the very reason for holding it is also the reason why we can’t seem to sleep through the night anymore?” And so Old One began her monotonous monologue. “Fellow longnecks, there is a reason why our sleep is weak and our tempers short. It is the sleep stories. I still remember the day when I first had this specific type that is haunting me ever since with a striking recitation. Certainly, one could classify it as a nightmare, however it hardly came with the usual side effects. Normally, one would expect a sleep story of the nightmare-ish sort to leave oneself in a state of fright, shock and uneasiness. Normally as well, one would be able to calm their nerves and go back to their slumber rather quickly. However, what I experience each night differs from this archetype in a significant manner.”

Come to think of it, Ali’s mother could really understand why the girl hated it so much to attend these meetings. Old One’s way of talking truly was hard to follow even for an adult like her.

“Quite amazingly, I find that, instead of the aforementioned effects, something else, a very different collection of emotions, takes hold of me, rendering me incapable of shaking them off for hours on some nights. There is a deep longing I cannot place, a place, so far away that it seems ridiculous, and yet… I feel an urge to be there. I have received words from many that similar emotions well up in you, fellow longnecks. Just to confirm, is everyone affected or are there any exceptions?”

A murmur spread through the crowd, Old One’s gaze surveying the reactions carefully.

“Very well, so I was correct to call this meetings as the majority, if not everyone, is suffering from this disaster.” The old dinosaur sighed contently. “It truly nags on not just my mind that I am unable to rest, even during daytime. While you have gone about your daily life, I have been investigating this outrageous phenomenon. First of all, one can state without a doubt that this is a systemic phenomenon. My findings indicate that every longneck, both the young and the old, are affected. In order to learn more, I shared my knowledge with a flyer, requesting a survey about other… kinds. Surely, I would like to do something about this if it is in my range of abilities. In this special case, knowledge is the key to success. Discovering the cause is my prime goal!” The herd leader waited for a few moments until the uprising unrest in the crowd settled down again.

“So what did I learn? The flyer reported back to me after observing several herds and his findings are very valuable for our cause. Certainly, I was also pondering if, perhaps for some unknown reason this was like a disease contagious in nature, only affecting our herd. Moreover, the fact that this phenomenon began to occur for everyone around the same time fails to back up this particular theory but I needed an answer without any doubt left floating around.” Old One briefly interrupted her speech and took a deep breath. “One herd was mixed in nature. Why a sane dinosaur would agree to such measures is beyond my comprehension but that is not the point at the moment. So, why that herd was of interest is because a group of longnecks was a part of it. Those longnecks also showed the same signs of unrest during sleep as has occurred in our herd so it is likely and reasonable to assume that it is not limited to our very herd. In other words: All longnecks are affected.”

This time, it took a little longer until the gossip within the assembled longnecks died down. Old One listened carefully and patiently.

“As such,” she eventually resumed,” one also needs to mention that no other species was showing these signs. Now, I do not intend to raise any conspiracies but this truly is suspicious to say the least. Then again, nobody knows the cause. Unless I know the cause, I am left without anything but my suspicions. Anyway, until we know of a cure, we should focus on limiting the damage. Even worse than the loss of sleep is my inability to settle down, my constant restlessness.”

As the old female was being reminded of her desire to follow this dubious feeling floating in the air all the time, her gaze wandered to a nearby mountain chain for a short moment. They had discovered this place being quite hospitable from up there, dwelling there for quite some time since two young females would become mothers very soon. The place was about the size of the Great Valley, though it was in reach of Sharpteeth and offered less food and water. As long as there was enough food to last, so the Old One had decided, they'd stay until the little ones could walk on their own. She gazed for any possible threats - an important thing to do being the leader of a herd and a role the Old One was more than willing to take due to being born over-cautious and apprehensive. Since she didn't spot any possible threats, she continued.

“Another finding that one needs to address: That flyer also reported to me to have seen several groups of our kind of various sizes heading towards a certain direction and it matches the direction my instincts are telling me to journey… Does that mean longnecks far and wide are all going on a journey into the unknown?”

A journey into the unknown that everybody was taking. Slowly but surely Ali’s mother began to suspect that Ali understood these dreams far better than she herself did. But could they just walk into the blind? Knowing Old One, that was the least she would do.

“I am puzzling what the sleepstory is trying to tell me, to tell us longnecks. Everyone is having the same one so explaining mine is a futile waste of time. But let me tell you, I absolutely do not know what it means that I see myself floating through the air, that I seem to follow a crowd blindly each time and that it always ends with our glorious Bright Circle disappearing in a dramatic fashion. I am having my doubts. Fishy, if you ask me. What would cause every longneck to gather at one place? What purpose would that serve? Our reasons for migrating are and have always been to survive. Our survival here is granted for a fair while - at least long enough for the eggs to see the light of this world, so I do not see any reason to move on prematurely. However, we do not know what’s behind all of this. It could be important, that is what my mind is trying to tell me all the time yet it clashes with what I consider safe, what I consider right and good for the herd. In other words…” Now she raised her voice,” In other words, it is a decision that we need to do as a herd. It is too much of an uncertainty for me to make a decision because the consequences are beyond my grasp. Therefore, fellow, longnecks, let us vote on the matter. The usual rules apply. I shall vote to stay here so those who think likewise may move over to where I am standing. Those who believe it is right to go, please move to the opposite side of this clearing. Indecisive ones, just position yourselves somewhere inbetween. Alright, let the vote commence!”

In the following, chaos completely destroyed the perfect semi-circle of longnecks, dinosaurs walking back and forth in order to let their opinion be heard or, in this case, seen. Some did not head to either side immediately, still in the process of making up their minds. One of those was Ali’s mother who was still processing the possible outcomes of either situation.

“What is best for Ali?” What exactly was? Ali had been extremely unhappy as of late and of course that hadn’t slipped past her. It finally came to bite her this previous morning and who knew what the girl was really thinking. She highly doubted it was out of spite that she was being so defiant and grumpy but she also doubted that she was happy about her very own behavior. But what she had done and said was what’s best for her survival. She knew Ali would want to go in the slim hope of seeing that boy again but what would it give if they perished halfway there? Ali absolutely had to be safe no matter what!

“I will go with Old One on that one, seems to be the majority anyway. Thankfully…”

Much to her relief, the vote leaned majorly towards staying where they were. Old One seemed pleased with the result and soon called the meeting off. Though relieved, the female still had many things on her mind as she strolled back towards her nest...

~~~~~

I was hoping to squeeze this one out a little earlier, oh well.

This chapter is still covering old chapter 2. Ali's fight with her mother was terribly written imho. Now the flow is better. I still kept some of the dialogue as it was still quite intense already back then.

The dream sequence at the beginning was hopefully a nice introduction and also a request by a reader. I may add these infrequently here and there :)

Old One's part was heavily edited and most of the meeting was written from scratch completely. But some paragraphs were still reimplemented. I completely reworked her and gave Old One a distinct style of speech (a pain, folks, a pain :P ). As a result, this ended up being a monologue of her talking for the most part so I tried to break it up with short sequences of Ali's mother. This is an addition the original didn't have. Ali's mother also originally voted to go on the journey but I changed that to increase the conflict between mother and daughter and increase the room for character development.

That's it from me, next chapter will be released in two weeks when I get back from a vacation :)


________________________________________________________________________________________________


Quote
Wow. This was quite a read for me. Shorty seems to be acting a lot like Cera, but Bron sure is one to not give up on getting him to open up.

Bron has apparently been struggling to stay strong when coping with the loss of his family, but not letting himself fall into despair has kept him going through all the droughts he's faced.

Shorty's story seemed quite tragic. I'm actually wondering myself what really became of his mother, but once I read about his father, I got these vibes that made me think about my own recent stories with my short-lived Swimmer OC characters. I couldn't blame the kid for running away from his family, although he sure seemed to have taken a gamble when he ended up in the middle of nowhere with these orphaned hatchlings. His short life seems to have been filled with bad luck.

I'm liking this slow buildup between Bron and Shorty, and I can sense that it won't be long before Shorty starts seeing Bron as a fatherly figure that his own father could not be. This is turning into quite a dynamic story. Keep up the good work!  :)
Thank you very much!  :)littlefoot

Your analysis is spot on, I'm glad you liked the developments between those two :)


Quote
*sees Ducky's reply* Wow, it really is. I'm sorry, I really have not seen LBT X in forever. Uh, that's awkward... I'm not sure if the fact I can't remember is more telling on me or the film... I better rewatch that movie before I type a silly comment again... after this comment.

Shorty's story is pretty darn tragic. Self-orphaning by running away tugged at me.

Bron and Shorty's talk with each other is written really well. It's probably the writing style or the setting, but I get the sense that they're both withholding information from the other when it first begins as a conversation on a serene night, before relenting and revealing more bout their own lives as it plays on and turns deep and personal. The scene and background is captured really well. :D

(On a personal note do you want me to transfer all my reviews to the FFN mirror of this story as well? I mean, I don't mind since I intend to try and review more and go into more in-depth analysis for the forum. Might as well get my personal submitted review count on that FFN account up a bit)

Thank you very much for the review :)

Yep, dark and tragic. No wonder he's a little messed up.

Yep, what I didn't like about this scene in the original version of the story is that Shorty began to trust Bron really easily. I had him keep his distrust but he does realize that he sort of needs Bron and admits to himself that he needs to learn more about Bron in order to trust him one day. And when he finds out that Bron's past is no less tragic, it's much easier for him to connect :) The setting just sort of... came to me as the story progressed. A nightly scene seemed appropriate.

Personally, I do not mind if you review on ff.net or not. It'd certainly look as if the story's a tad more popular though :DD


Quote
This chapter certainly began developing the duo’s relationship far better than the original version did. The initial description of the scene was done in a nice way and the leadup to the main conversation was rather believable as the brief talk about Shorty’s ability to keep us with Bron was one of the few ways to break the ice with the boy. The duo’s initial banter leading to their backgrounds flowed seamlessly as it was made clear that the relationship flourished mostly because they knew they were both in horrible situations.
Bron’s backstory was told rather nicely but damn, those additional, broken eggs which Bron left unmentioned again bother me. :boohoo Also, the “in law” caught my eye as there are no laws in LBT. Otherwise, this was a good way to deepen and develop the longneck’s story from the actual film. Shorty’s story, on the other hand, was cut short briefly but I know that his actual background wasn’t revealed until much later in the original story. Yet, the ending with the duo’s easing mental trauma seemed like a quick one as I’d think their troubles run deeper than one discussion. But being able to speak about one’s troubles is quite easing so I guess the ending works quite well. Overall, nice job as usual. I’ve got the feeling the revised version of SDP is turning out quite nicely.  :yes

Thank you very much for the review!  :^^spike

I'm glad you think that this is a major improvement over the original :smile Bron and Shorty manage to find a connection through their shared misery indeed, you amalyzed that quite well :yes

Bron left before the eggs were laid so he wouldn't know about broken egg shells. I do see some logic error there now that you mention in though. How would he know he only had one child? Hmm need to give this another thought at some point  :confused

I deleberately keep any information about Shorty's Past vague, yep. As you said, it'll all be revealed later. I think adding additional scenes of Shorty and Bron discussion their troubles would make the story drag...

I've got to agree with your last statement wholeheartedly. The story is coming along nicely, if a little slower than I was hoping for. I guess quality shouldn't be rushed  :^^spike


Quote
This chapter did a far superior job of introducing the Bron / Shorty relationship than the original incarnation of this story.  Though Shorty is still standoffish and Bron is still distant, we can see the need in both of them to find someone else to care for and to be cared for in return.  For Bron part of this drive comes from a need to find his son that he believes to possibly be lost forever, whereas for Shorty it comes from a need to find the loving father he never had.  In the end we are left with two broken dinosaurs who have found one another and, along the way, have found that they perhaps have more in common than they suspected.  Though certain plot points that were held in reserve in the first story are being told earlier in this case, I think that actually works better here.  We get to more immediately see what has driven Shorty's actions and to relate to him in a more relatable manner. 

Besides the improvement in character development and narrative in this installment versus the older story I must also applaud you on the improvement in prose.  In much the same manner as the original Shorty's Dark Past had superior writing to your first story, this revised SDP shows a skill with the English language that is much improved over the original.  The dialogue feels much more natural and fits the characters in a much more individualized fashion.

All in all this story is moving along very nicely and I look forward to seeing how things develop from here.  :)

Thank you very much for this review  :smile

It's interesting to see how everyone is basically saying the same but doing so in different ways. You too have captured their situation accurately, yep yep yep!  :P I do not think I revealed significantly more than in the original. Shorty was talking about his father there as well  :^^spike

Your compliment about my writing skills really honours me. My main issue has always been writing style and the focus on dialogue. I still mainly use dialogue (unlike you who relies on thoughts a lot) but I suppose I've become more eloquent in doing so  :angel. The chapter I just uploaded above should be a good example of what I can pull off if I try hard :DD


Quote
When did these chapters slip past me? I thought I was only 1 behind but I guess not :lol

Chapter 3 is a faithful re-telling from the movie, which was done well and serves as a good introduction as we now get a short glimpse into each longnecks lives after their sleepstory. I like how you showed how Spike's ducking down was actually intentional and not just coincidental :p

Chapter 4 was the exciting one of the two for sure as we're given some interesting developments on both sides. Bron seems a lot more regretful and broken in his story telling here, which seems about right since he did lose everything at this point (though maybe his relationship with Shorty helped ease the pain a little by the time he told the story to Littlefoot? Or maybe just knowing Littlefoot was still alive helped him deal with it?). Shorty's past was also teased here with a very not surprising rough past, though it's interesting to see an actual abusive relationship here. I must admit that I found the whole addictive leaves to be kinda funny (somebody's been eating the golden petals of the night flower for more then medicinal purposes it seems :lol ).

Joking aside it was an enjoyable read and am looking forward to seeing what's in store for Ali next (even if it takes me longer then normal to get around to it :p )

...and that even though I usually notify you of updates? tsk tsk tsk  :OhYou

Yeah, I thought having Spike duck on purpose to troll Ducky would be funny :smile

Yeah, Bron is a broken dinosaur by the time he meets Shorty. Both help each other to feel better eventually as they begin to rely on each other :yes As for Shorty's Past, yeah it quite lives up to the story's title. The idea of Shorty's father having something akin to drug addiction was a random thought I implemented way back but I've already revolved too much of the story around that to cut it again. Don't think it has been done before so why not?  :D

Thanks for the review mate and just to make sure you're not missing this one, have a free mention @Flathead770  :p
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on September 30, 2018, 06:20:07 PM
Well, it seems I was right in predicting that Ali would become quite a pain for her mother to handle, but I can't blame her, for the most part. The tense argument between the two got out of hand so quickly that I felt as if I was there, trying to listen in and couldn't keep up with what they were saying. It was as if it just happened so fast!  :P I do have my concerns over the Old One's decision to not make the journey, so I think it'll be intriguing to see where this herd's story goes from here.

I only hope that Ali doesn't start acting like Shorty, ... or will all three of our main Longneck heroes go through the same mood swings because of their nightmares? This should be very interesting!  :o

Oh, and have a nice vacation!  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on October 07, 2018, 12:55:34 AM
This is yet another great improvement on the original.  :) We get to see Ali's remembrance of her time in the valley and the wonderful freedom she felt within its protective walls, only to have the spell be broken by her awakening. The argument with her mother is much more reasonable than I remember it in the original as it slowly builds and then finally eases as the meeting arrives.  The meeting itself is another sign of improvement as the Old One's dialogue takes on a very distinct, and anti-laconic tone.  Both being long-winded, but not superfluous as she explains her reasoning and misgivings on the situation.  The fact that she allows a vote does show that she is the matriarch of a somewhat democratic system but that her words and instructions carry great weight in the community.  This makes her a bit more relatable than in the previous tale and it also makes me curious about what will happen next.  :yes
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on October 11, 2018, 08:13:14 AM
The argument between Ali and her mom was curt and very reminiscent of a kid trying to rebel against an overly protective parental figure. The exchanges were brief, yet heated... pretty much like a real life argument with parents.

It's also quite telling that the Old One refuses to make the journey despite the instincts of her herd and even herself. Really shows that even after LBT4, she still prefers to be in her own comfort zone and refuses to take risks to endanger the herd.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on October 22, 2018, 05:31:50 PM
Just breaking my hiatus to provide you with the fruits of my hard work. Here is the next chapter of SDP, almost entirely written on paper during school lessons but you will see, it shall not disappoint :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6: A conversation at night

It was several hours later, in the middle of the night in fact, when Littlefoot was ungently woken up by the usual nightly sleepstory. With a yelp, a look of panic visible on his features, his long neck shot up. It didn't take him long to realize that he was perfectly safe in the shelter of the Great Valley under a crystal-clear sky. Littlefoot sighed.

"It never skips a single night..." Slightly annoyed now that he was wide awake, his glance wandered into the landscape until his gaze fell onto the two massive boulders a few body lengths away snoring contently. No, wait. One of the two had their eyes open; it was his grandfather. Their eyes met and in no time the old longneck had risen to his feet to lumber over to the child.

"What is it, Littlefoot? What's the matter?"

Obviously his troubles hadn't gone unnoticed. His grandparents were experts in reading his moods, the good ones just as well as the bad. There was only so long he could hide his emotions until they'd discover something.

"I... I dunno," the boy spoke evasively. "I just couldn't sleep for some reason."

"Oh neither can I, Littlefoot," the old longneck replied, his mind seemingly restless as he spoke. "And I think I know why. For some time now I've been feeling restless... as if there's some place I need to go but I don't know where."
Littlefoot hung on his grandfather's lips, the words appearing as though he'd stolen them from his very mind.

"Me too, Grandpa, me too!" Littlefoot exclaimed in excitement. "That's just how I feel tonight!"

"I think this feeling has something to do with the sleepstories I've been having lately," he continued thoughtfully.

"You've been having them too?!" Littlefoot was looking at his grandfather, perplexed. He hadn't come to understand yet why he'd keep having these weird nightmares, however he wouldn't have thought that wasn't alone with this strange phenomenon.

"Yes," his grandfather said.

"The same one? What was yours like? Is it always the same one? Does it haunt you every night?!" Littlefoot was suddenly so excited that he didn't even notice asking the same inquiry twice.

"Well, I wasn't unaware of your sleep problems, Littlefoot; I only just learned myself that there may be something that we are having in common though," his grandpa spoke with a lively voice. "Of course I'm unaware of the exact details of your sleep story. Mind telling me?"

Littlefoot gave a happy smile before reciting the sleepstory in as much detail as he could master, having learned a fair bit about storytelling from his old grandfather who used to be a storyteller in his younger years. As soon as he had ended, Littlefoot watched him closely and his suspicion turned into truth.

"That is the very sleepstory that I am having every night. Grandma too," he added as the other massive longneck joined their small circle. "Grandma and I have talked about it, Littlefoot. Many times, in fact. Remember what I told you a little earlier?"

"About?" Littlefoot quickly pondered. "Uhh about feeling restless?"

"Exactly!" his grandpa exclaimed excitedly.

"Yeah, as I said, grandpa, I'm feeling just the same. Like..." The boy quickly considered if he should be telling this his caretakers but decided it would be best to speak his entire thoughts. "Like... I constantly feel like leaving the valley to go on an adventure! I have no idea where to go but I can sort of tell where I need to go... if that makes sense..." He shot an uncertain glance over to grandma, half expecting to be scolded for even thinking of such a thing but to his utter amazement she was smiling, Grandpa nodding approvingly.

"Littlefoot, neither Grandma nor I know why this is happening but I have a feeling that something great is going to happen. Therefore," Grandpa announced while beaming," I think the time has come to go on a journey."

"A journey!? When? Where? Just you and me?" Littlefoot was on the edge of his seat.

"And Grandma," Grandpa added with smile. "And others too I think..."

"You think so?"

"Why would we be the only ones, dear?" His grandmother smiled at him warmly. Of course! Why would they be so special after all. Maybe even all longnecks? Or all dinosaurs there were? How awesome would that be?

"I really don't know," Grandpa continued thoughtfully, "But we must leave soon..."

"How soon? Now?" Littlefoot inquired hopping up and down.

"Lie back down now, get some rest," the old longneck advised. "We may leave tomorrow..."

"A journey..." Littlefoot hummed in awe, a broad smile on his face as he lied back down without questioning his grandfather’s logic. If they were to leave tomorrow, he’d need the extra rest. One last look up at the Night Circle and he was sound asleep.

*

“How much further do I have to walk???"

Littlefoot stood still as he thoughtfully observed his surroundings. Quite frankly, it was rather futile trying to see anything of value considering the type of landscape he found himself in. The jungle he had been journeying through for the last few days had become thicker and thicker as he crossed it. The trees were very old, very strong and very annoying and relentless, Littlefoot noted through gritted teeth. The majority of the treetops were towering so high above that even both of his grandparents stacked on top of each other could never reach them. The vegetation stood so thick that one couldn't see far ahead. The boy couldn't even see what direction he was going yet a strange sensation within his chest seemed to know exactly the direction he needed to follow in order to reach his destination; a destination most mysterious and unknown, a faint promise hanging in the air whenever he gave it some thought. He wasn't even entirely sure why he was wandering around on this peculiar adventure but it did feel right to do so. In a way, he knew that it would be worth all the hassle this journey was putting the child through.

"Well, at least there is hardly any thick undergrowth to break through..." Littlefoot mused which helped him covering a considerable distance day after day, as dull and boring as it seemed. There wasn't anything exciting to see along the way although he couldn't deny that the gigantic trees and the endless green of leaves, vines and moss-covered tree trunks held a certain kind of beauty (needless to say, he was still tired of them). Moreover, he didn't have to worry about finding food and water which he didn't nearly appreciate as much as he should be.

There was another thing which puzzled him as he continued his quick and steady march, meandering his path past the humongous trees. Why was he all alone on this quest? Why weren't his grandparents accompanying him? Or his gang of friends for that matter? Why would he set on a journey without them? No matter how much he racked his brain, Littlefoot could not remember nor find any explanation or answer. On top of that, he did not exactly remember the rest of his journey. He knew his home but he could not remember leaving it. It was as if he had woken up here without a memory how he got there in the first place.

As the day progressed, gentle rain began to fall, which seemed to happen on a very frequent and regular basis in these lands he was trespassing, sometimes up to several times a day. The air quickly got very thick and misty which didn't help navigating at all. Littlefoot had no clue what the sky above him was preparing since he could not peek through the insanely prosperous foliage. However, it seemed as though it wasn't brewing a thunderstorm, not now anyway, which relieved the boy a little.

Just when he began considering where to spend the night (it appeared to him as though light was getting scarcer all of a sudden, though he could not tell for certain since neither directions nor the weather were observable), Littlefoot saw something which made his heart leap in excitement only for the feeling to turn into dread. Unexpectedly, the forest came to a sudden end as a wall of very bright, almost white, sharp rock replaced the omni-present hue of green around him.

"Wow!" he chanted as he came to stand in the open at last, the white wall in front of him and the bothersome forest behind. Littlefoot was getting excited; finally he got to explore something new! Although, his rejoice wasn't meant to last. A quick look up revealed a number of things. First of all, it became apparent that the wall belonged to an incredibly steep mountain range which began so abruptly where he stood, extending as far up and to both his left and right that any thought was crossing it, whether by climbing or circumnavigating, was brutally crushed in the making. Simultaneously, he realized that some of the trees in that forest reached up to 50 times his height though the awe that came with that realization didn't last any longer than a few seconds. Secondly, now that he could finally catch a glimpse of the sky above, he realized that he still had some time left before the night would embrace the land. Which meant...

"Then why is it so gloomy?" A distant rumble answered almost immediately. A quick look to the sky confirmed his suspicion.

"I'd better find shelter before this breaks loose..." Littlefoot muttered quietly. His options were rather limited though. He would either have to find a shelter or even a cave if he were to chose the mountain ahead. The forest on the other hand would certainly block some of the worst, however it was also kind of dangerous if trees or branches were blown off. Littlefoot didn't know where he needed to go either so he closed his eyes for a moment in order to commit to the feeling inside him. He'd come to trust it at least so he put his hope in what he suspected to be instincts.

"I need to cross the mountains, I can feel it but... how?" Frowning, his eyes scanned the mountainscape once more, not finding a single way. "And where can I hide? Where should I go to look for shelter? Left? Right? Or back to the forest after all?" Indecisive, he turned his head to either of the mentioned directions. "Let's try the right," he decided spontaneously, hoping that he wouldn't regret it. "I can still go back to the forest if things get rough..."

With that in mind and his determination and spirit anew, the longneck set off, walking along the scorched rocks, constantly checking the sky. However, it seemed to be giving him a chance, some more time before the storm would drench the whole area with torrents of rain, him included.

For the next twenty minutes, he wandered along the mountains, his hopes already diminishing. Clearly, these mountains weren't as rich in caverns as those he knew from his home, quite unfortunately. If he didn't find any soon... Up ahead, he saw a little bent as the mountain made a curve. If there wasn't any place to hide behind that bent in the area that he couldn't see from his current position, then he would be forced to choose the forest. The thunder growling threateningly, Littlefoot scurried on quickly. Apparently, luck was on his side that day though. Behind that curve, the longneck's eyes immediately fell on a wide entrance in the rockface.

"A cave! What do you know?!" His cheer immediately drowned in the rapidly strengthening rain; timing couldn't have been better. The boy rushed inside without hesitation. Still not believing his luck, he laid down, observing the rain fall in watery strings rather than single drops. An exemplary downpour, it was. Even though it was mostly just rain and very little storm (the forest would have been safe after all) even the extended foliage wouldn't have been able to keep himself dry.

"This is quite boring though..." the boy noted after a few minutes had passed. A child like him could hardly stay put for very long without going extremely unhappy. Just staying where he sat wasn't satisfactory.

"It's getting dark outside soon but I'm not tired yet. Maybe I should go explore this place?" A little adventure surely wouldn't hurt, the child supposed. While he was stuck in this cavern, he might as well explore it in the meantime and have some fun while he was at it. Yeah, that was a splendid idea!

Humming a random tune (something about going adventuring) he wandered deeper into the cavern. The tunnel was fairly and comfortably broad and the ceiling high above. The path was going rather straight and appeared to be extending deep into the mountain. It was in many ways an extraordinary and unique place, something he hadn't seen yet, and Littlefoot immediately rejoiced at his great idea to go on this expedition.

Soon, it was completely dark but Littlefoot didn't mind much. The tunnel continued to be straight and level and did not branch off at all as far as he could tell with his remaining senses. The longer he walked, the further he went, the bigger grew his excitement. Just how far would this tunnel continue? Maybe it'd even lead him all the way through the mountain?

"That'd be amazing..." the young longneck chuckled as the possibility came up. Who knew how far those damn mountains stretched on? It'd save him days of travel in the best possible case. With spirits higher as ever, Littlefoot increased his velocity significantly because surely it'd take him a while to cover the whole distance if this really were a secret passage underneath the rock.

As more time passed, another emotion mingled with his upbeat mood. After walking for what felt like hours (it must've been in the middle of the night) a strange emotion, something inbetween uneasiness and dread began spreading through his body. Weak at first, just an insignificant sensation in his chest, it began expanding, taking hold of his stomach, then his feet until it was eventually reaching his mind and his tail tip which had begun twitching in an awkward manner. The longer he was walking through a pitch-black tunnel, the longer he was hearing nothing but his very breath and the sound his feet made as they touched the cold, smooth rock rhythmically, the more a peculiar feeling was growing inside of him. A slight irritation turned into uneasiness, uneasiness into dread... and dread into fear. A creepy sensation was threatening to overwhelm him, thus robbing him of his curious, hopeful demeanor.

Littlefoot had one burning question on his mind. What if he wasn't alone in this darkness? What if something was following, watching, anticipating his very death? Suddenly, Littlefoot wasn't calm anymore and his priorities were shifting dramatically as he was losing his cool. When, at first, he had simply given in to his inquisitive nature, along the way elaborating that the tunnel might've been a valueful short cut, now he just wanted to go, just wanted to see light, wanted to feel the presence of another (friendly) alive being, wanted his grandparents to reassure him and his friends to cheer him up. Quite frankly, he simply wanted to escape this dark, seemingly never-ending cave.

"I shouldn't have walked so far..." Finally, he said these words out loud as his little heart was working overtime, his chest rising and lowering in an agitated rhythm but, calm his nerves they did little at all. Frantically, he was checking his surroundings only to be harshly reminded of the unrelentless, evil darkness in which he was drowning. In a way, it reminded him of the one time long ago when he had wandered far from the herd and ended up meeting the Sharptooth. His foolish actions had possibly lead to his mother's death and maybe now he was on the brink of leading himself into death's greedy fangs?

"What do I do now? Help me!" But no help came but a pebble he almost stumbled upon, bruising one of his front toes. Now fear had transitioned into panic. Not the kind of panic one was feeling after doing something wrong and being about to be reprimanded about it. No, it was much rather the kind of panic one was experiencing when one's life was on the line.

"I need to run away!!!" The young longneck's mind went berserk as panic, deep as the abyss he saw Sharptooth fall into so many years ago, turned the switch for rationing thinking off. As he began to sprint head over heels, he did not even spare any thought on where to run. Considering he had walked for a very long time, heading back would take just as long; and running further along the path could be as smart as it could be disastrous. Subconsciously, he had chosen to keep his direction (maybe the peculiar compass inside of him was leading him through this dark place towards his destination even now?), running at full speed, blindly charging forward into the unknown, blindly trusting that the tunnel would keep going in a straight line.

However, that was a foolish mistake.

*WHAM*

Due to the absolute absence of light, the longneck couldn't see nor anticipate the obstacle in front of him, standing in his straight-forward path. He could not know that the path was taking a sharp turn to the right. Completely oblivious to that, Littlefoot crashed at full speed into the unforgiving rock headfirst. Upon the impact, the little longneck's world exploded in a flash of excruciating pain as his skull and the brain within were shaken to the very core. Terrible, throbbing pain was rocking him; only with extreme effort Littlefoot didn't lose his conscience. He found himself lying on his back, heart racing, breath accelerating, limbs burning and head severed as blood trickled from the wound onto the ground, flowing in several small streams across his face.

"Now I've done it..." Littlefoot throught darkly as he used all his remaining strength on remaining aware. Who knew what'd happen if he passed out. His grandparents had taught him that staying aware of one's surroundings was crucial or one would be helpless.

"Yeah, like there are any surroundings to be aware of..." his tormented mind complained with sarcasm that would make Cera beam.

Littlefoot remembered the initial reason for his mad sprint; something was after him, he just knew it and the very thought of something eating him while he was blacking out gave him a sudden urge to throw up. Groaning, he tried to get back onto his feet.

And immediately regretted it.

"No... please!" Littlefoot's world was spinning fast, his insides cramping as he felt terribly sick, collapsing with a pained groan. More blood, warm and wet, ran down from the wound on his head. That, he reckoned, must have been how his mother must've felt before she'd died, bleeding and too weak to get up, refusing to black out by sheer will alone. But Littlefoot didn't have that kind of willpower, not yet anyway. His head fell into the developing puddle of his own blood, Littlefoot fainted.

*

The longneck couldn't tell whether he was awake or not - or even alive. Suddenly, there was a faint, distant light. His head was burning as if something was frying it which meant at least that he must have been still alive. His vision was terribly blurry and his eyes unable to focus but the light was growing in intensity, almost as if it was approaching him. Soon, the darkness was completely replace by light, a light so bright that it momentarily blinded Littlefoot. Once his vision was partly restored, the boy could make out a distant shape, contrasting against the White surrounding him. Upon closer observation, his vision improving, his ability to focus strengthening, he could recognize movement. As a matter of fact, whatever it was that he was looking at, was moving towards him.

"What is this?" he wondered, though he didn't have to wait for long. Finally, his eyes had fully adapted to the sudden brightness (there was nothing to see but light). His gaze fell on the approaching shape again. Strongly familiar it was. The pattern of movement was too familiar to deny it; a longneck was approaching him.

"A longneck, who might it be?!" Littlefoot perked up. Was it his grandpa? Or his grandma?!"

"No, this longneck is small... like... like me!" Littlefoot's headache was almost secondary now, too excited he was now to bother much with the throbbing pain. He remembered feeling scared and lonely in the darkness so this discovery was very pleasant. Littlefoot didn't know who might be approaching him but he was simply happy to see another fellow longneck, and a child too, likely! Once the longneck (now he could tell that it was a kid his age!) had walked within a longneck length (the length of an average adult of his species), it suddenly hit him like a brick to the face.

"A-Ali?!" The boy recognized the longneck, who was a girl with a kind, warm smile and a pink skin. "W-what are you doing here?! How..."

But the girl didn't reply at all. Only her smile, her shimmering blue eyes locking with his, was speaking to him, the boy completely perplexed.

"Ali..." Suddenly, he felt very dreamy. The girl formed words with her lips though he couldn't hear them. "Follow me!" was what he read from the lip movement. The girl winked at him, smiling once more before she turned around and began to run away laughing.

"Wait for me, Ali, I'm coming!!!" Littlefoot shouted, going after the girl, but a strange phenomenon was crossing his plans suddenly.

"I'm not moving at all!" Only now Littlefoot noticed that he wasn't standing on solid ground. Much rather, he was floating in an eternal room filled with nothing but light, light and more light. Ali was cheerfully galloping out of view, the boy looking after her, panicking.

"Ali, wait!" Wait Ali! Nooooooooo......."

*

Littlefoot opened his eyes. The unusual white space had vanished, replaced by the all too familiar set of trees and rocks in the vicinity of his home in the Great Valley.

"A dream, huh?" The longneck was still sleepy and perplexed; the experiences he had made within his sleepstory were still very alive. He could still feel (or, rather, recall) the heavy pain from his injury, the fear of being caught in the endless darkness or his fast-beating heart when Ali appeared to him.

"Ali..." A weak, content smile flashed across the corners of his mouth. "I really wonder how she is doing..." Littlefoot gave a hearty yawn as he rolled over onto his other flank, not quite ready to get up but too mentally occupied to take another nap, catching a glimpse at his grandfather, who gave him a mirthful smile (Grandma was still sleeping).

"Whatever that was about..." The boy grunted, reluctantly rolling back to his original position, deciding not to mind his grandpa for now; he had some thinking to do and his thoughts returned to Ali.

"Gee, I haven't been thinking about her lately..." Well, in his defense, it had been well over two cold times since Littlefoot had met the girl. It had been on a nice day long ago. The Valley had been expecting a herd of longnecks that day. After greeting them formally, he and his friends had been playing a game of Hide and Seek when Littlefoot suddenly found a shy but friendly longneck instead of his gang, Ali. He ended up playing with her that day, having a lot of fun while slowing her around the Valley, becoming friends in no time. Unfortunately, just then his grandfather had fallen gravely sick.

He had been worried sick; it hadn't been looking good. When his grandmother asked the visiting herd for advice, he heard about a mysterious flower said to grow in the herd's former homeland, which had succumbed to heavy flooding. It was said to heal the sick but nobody had been willing to show them the way. Angry and disappointed, he had forged up a devious plan. With Ali's help, who knew the way, they set off on a perilous adventure to retrieve the mysterious Night Flower, later joined by his friends, succeeding in the end to bring his grandfather the cure just in time. Soon after, Ali's herd had left suddenly. Before leaving, they promised to see each other again one day but there hadn't been a trace of her herd ever since.

"Gee, I kinda miss her..." Littlefoot mumbled, quiet enough so that his grandpa wouldn't catch was he was breeding about. He got a little melancholic as his thoughts lingered on the girl. Where had she been all this time? Wouldn't she ever return to the valley again? He had certainly expected her to visit one of these days but such a visit hadn't become reality yet.

"I really hope that one day I can see Ali again..." the purple-brown boy mumbled a little sadly. Playing with Ali has been a special kind of fun, one that even the gang could never achieve. Ali had been special and maybe it was because she was a longneck too. He couldn't quite tell that but as he recalled how Ali once used to pull all sorts of funky faces, he immediately laughed and felt so much better. It was okay to be sad about those far away every now and then but it shouldn't dissuade him from being silly and happy. Under his grandfather's gaze that suggested interest in whatever he was going on about, Littlefoot got up to have breakfast before he made for the meeting place he and his friends had agreed on the other day. Another day filled with silly laughter and ridicule was awaiting him.

Or so he hoped.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really don't know what happened but I think my writing has changed a little since last month. I was on vacation, read a lot of books, which certainly inspired my style and vocabulary. I was also involved in some fights with admins and members alike which resulted from alienations towards me, disagreements and fishy decisions but I shall not go on about that here. For those curious, it's the reason for my hiatus though. (save for creative stuff, I'm not around until further notice)

Anyways, I actually wanted the talking scene to be longer but couldn't think of much else to extend the scene with. I had an idea a while back but seem to have forgotten about it. Well, it works the way it is I think :)

I was afraid I would fall into the dreaded writer's block when I started tackling the dream (chapter 7 was already finished by the time I began working on the dream). I knew that Ali should play a role at some point and I wanted Littlefoot to dream about the journey ahead of him. After some brainstorming, I came up with the scenario I ended up with though I'll admit the cave scenes were created on the spot (aka. during school lessons xD) Considering that, I think it's even more impressive. I seem to be very productive there while whenever I write at home I quickly lose my spirit. Weird.

Well, that's it from me. Since I've already done chapter 7, expect that to follow soon!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote
Well, it seems I was right in predicting that Ali would become quite a pain for her mother to handle, but I can't blame her, for the most part. The tense argument between the two got out of hand so quickly that I felt as if I was there, trying to listen in and couldn't keep up with what they were saying. It was as if it just happened so fast!  :P I do have my concerns over the Old One's decision to not make the journey, so I think it'll be intriguing to see where this herd's story goes from here.

I only hope that Ali doesn't start acting like Shorty, ... or will all three of our main Longneck heroes go through the same mood swings because of their nightmares? This should be very interesting!  :o

Oh, and have a nice vacation!  :)

Thanks, I'm glad that you think so :) Dialogues like that need to be fast-paced. I guess I'm somewhat known for writing dialogue heavy stories in general while not going as much into details as far as thoughts, world-building and every day descriptions go but I think the dream scene is a good example that I can pull something like that off as well if I try :) But anyway, an argument like that with tons of interrupting words just doesn't feel as intense :P

Hmm, mood swings you say. I honestly haven't thought of them as them having mood swings but it's not that bad of an idea. It certainly influences their minds. That much is certain. Shorty is unstable as it is and Ali's outburst is the result of suppressed emotions and her general displeasure with her situation. I'll certainly keep it in mind  :^^spike


Quote
This is yet another great improvement on the original.  :) We get to see Ali's remembrance of her time in the valley and the wonderful freedom she felt within its protective walls, only to have the spell be broken by her awakening. The argument with her mother is much more reasonable than I remember it in the original as it slowly builds and then finally eases as the meeting arrives.  The meeting itself is another sign of improvement as the Old One's dialogue takes on a very distinct, and anti-laconic tone.  Both being long-winded, but not superfluous as she explains her reasoning and misgivings on the situation.  The fact that she allows a vote does show that she is the matriarch of a somewhat democratic system but that her words and instructions carry great weight in the community.  This makes her a bit more relatable than in the previous tale and it also makes me curious about what will happen next.  :yes

(I'll be replying as if the discord hassle hadn't happened)

Thank you very much! The dream at the beginning (As a huge fan of this story who is not a member here put it, I apparently love to write them and seem to be doing great at it) was yet another sign how much Ali missed Littlefoot and how much she disliked her current life. Obviously, as she was taken away from that fantasy by force, she is very disgruntled and takes out all her subdued anger on her mother, who is only partly to blame of course but Ali still sees her as the great evil who is the reason for all her distress and melancholy. The original was rather, uhh, having a fight for the sake of it. I tried to give the whole scene a flow to it and I think (as you said) it's worked rather well. :)

As always, you've summed up the scene very well. Old One has a more distinct character now and I agree that the previous chapter was terrible :P I wrote that in german back in the days and later translated it and... it shows  :lol


Quote
The argument between Ali and her mom was curt and very reminiscent of a kid trying to rebel against an overly protective parental figure. The exchanges were brief, yet heated... pretty much like a real life argument with parents.

It's also quite telling that the Old One refuses to make the journey despite the instincts of her herd and even herself. Really shows that even after LBT4, she still prefers to be in her own comfort zone and refuses to take risks to endanger the herd.
Yup, you've said that really well. Nothing to add here but... thanks for the review :D
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on October 23, 2018, 10:43:58 AM
That sleep story is such a tease, hinting for things to come. The whiplash in it was nicely done too.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on October 23, 2018, 11:55:33 AM
As of the time I'm writing this review, I finally watched the movie, so now I can tell what's different from the rest. In this case, Littlefoot's sleep story gave the chapter such an intense atmosphere. It seems that with every night that passes, his nightmares will keep getting worse and worse, and continuously plague his mind, until ... it happens. That last bit with the mention of Ali has me very intrigued, and I have this strange hunch that we could be expecting a Littlefoot x Ali reunion at some point during the story. Then again, that's just my prediction, and I have no way of telling whether or not I'm a good fortuneteller.  :P As before, nice job with the buildups in Littlefoot's story. Compared to Ali and Shorty, Littlefoot has been having the most tense buildup in my opinion.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on October 30, 2018, 10:57:06 PM
The sleep story, and Littlefoot's confusion during it, nicely encapsulates the conflicting emotions that he is going through when contemplating the coming journey.  Though the dream sequences are a bit of a tease, as OwlsCantRead has tested, it is a tease that makes us readers consider the possibilities of what Littlefoot's coming journey will entail.  As such the dreams are not only foreshadowing possibilities to our favorite flathead, but also to ourselves as well.  Though both Ali and Shorty have had more eventful occurrences thus far, Littlefoot's slow buildup has me curious for what is to come.  :yes
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on November 19, 2018, 03:05:58 PM
Sorry for the late review but I still thought I’d give my thoughts. This chapter elaborated the future of the story quite well and this is another example of how ridiculously easy it would have been for Universal to make the tenth film better. The longer dialogue in the first part of the fic made that conversation feel more natural and complete and it wrapped that brief scene up well.

However, it is the latter part of this installment that made this an intriguing read. Littlefoot’s dream was quite intense and the way that scene was built was really impressive. The ending of that sequence with Ali was powerful and it brought up Littlefoot’s missing for her quite tangibly. The last scene of this chapter with Littlefoot’s thoughts was not only a good look into how the longneck views his old friend these days but a great indicator for what’s to come and one I’m not sure was included in the original version of this fic. In any case, it was a good inclusion and well done with this one! :DD
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on January 01, 2019, 08:55:49 PM
ZOMG! A new chapter!  :Mo

_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 7: Thinking place

Old One was overlooking the deserted clearing, grunting dismissively. The decision her herd had just cast was highly infuriating. Or, more precisely, the feeling that would surely cease to haunt her during her waking and sleeping hours if only she'd given in on her instincts.

"Hrrmmmphh," the old female snorted in a manner that suggested disgust more than anything. Regardless, it had been the better decision for the herd. A decision that would surely bring more grief over her fellow longnecks but they would be safe and that was all that mattered. Safety was always the priority. Always. What good would a journey do them after all? A journey that would exonerate her herd from the terror of the nightmare. A terrible terror indeed but a terror one could arrange oneself with. A terror that didn't kill. If they'd go out into the unknown, chances were fate would lead them into a massive desert until the whole herd would die of thirst and hunger. No, it was simply impossible to take such a risk.

Her thoughts soon shifted to a slightly different yet just as annoying matter. One face had been missing from the meeting. She knew every member by name and appearance but one of the youngest hadn't attended...

"That little bratty girl, what was she thinking?!" She would have to put her through a disciplinary trial again - as if there weren't more urgent matters to devote her attention to! Why couldn't that girl behave? Why couldn't she see the importance that attendance held? Old One grunted once more as she too left the clearing. The trial could wait until tomorrow.

*

"Ali will be pleased to hear the result..."

Ali's mother lumbered back to her nest feeling terrible. She had noticed the stern look on their leader's face for sure and even though it wasn't her fault that Ali had been absent she knew she'd be partly held responsible as well.

"That girl better be home before the dark..." she muttered, angry and disappointed. At least she could get some pleasure from Ali when the girl'd realize that they'd be staying. Or perhaps...

"Yes, I should withhold that information from her. It's the least punishment I can put her through!" With a grim expression, she returned to her nest, anticipating the moment she'd get back at her insufferable girl for her misbehavior.

*

"I hate her!"

Ali's words echoed through the empty forest. She had stormed along a narrow path she had forged through the undergrowth over time which lead to a place only a child could reach. Ali had found the small pond by accident, nobody else knew about it, and had been using it as a hideout and thinking place ever since. The extremely thick underbrush and the tight trees prevented any bigger dinosaur to pass through so she was safe from annoying mothers and the like.

"Ugh why can't she understand me?! Why can't she acknowledge my feelings?!" Once again the girl's agitated voice rang through the thick air. As Ali arrived at the small pond, her anger quickly dissipated like a puddle of water on a warm summer day, turning into melancholy and sadness instead. With a heavy sigh, she sat down on a small ledge that was overlooking the water. The pond was roughly circular and about 5 longneck lengths in diameter. Various sorts of reed were growing along the muddy area where water met solid ground, much higher than her long neck could reach, obscuring it from view nicely. Some water plants could be recognized below the shallow, murky floor. It was a quiet, secluded place and it had a strangely comforting effect on Ali. Just like on this day, her anger never lasted long while she was here, however...

"It makes me so so depressed being here..."

Yet Ali would rather be depressed alone at her special place where she could do as she pleased, where noone would tease her, where noone could bother her... where she could simply be. Reflecting, dreaming, thinking, suffering.

"What's the point of all this?" the girl interrogated her reflection which was dancing across the calm surface. Slightly annoyed, she noted that it merely shrugged.

"Yeah, right..." she grunted dismissively. "What's the point if you have noone to play with and noone right in their head to talk to? Mother is so stupid. You hear me? Stuuuuuupid!" Ali could almost hear her reflection adding that the whole bloody herd was stupid but there was no point saying that too. After living in this herd her entire life, it was like common knowledge and didn't need further mention.

"What should I do?" Ali lamented quietly. "If mother doesn't roast me for this then stupid Old One will! I can't stand it anymore! You hear me? I CAN'T STAND IT!" Some leaves shook as the girl screamed out in a desperate rage. Her whole body was in heavy unrest, her mind in a turmoil of thoughts and desires. Every ounce of her body was yearning to leave, to follow her instincts, to follow her sleepstories. Every part of her small body, from her ears to her stomach to the tip of her tail, was longing for adventure, uprising and change… and for one particular longneck.

"Littlefoot..."


Immedialy as her crush entered her mind, big, salty tears began falling quickly from the little longneck's face, impacting the water surface and blurring the reflection. Occasional sobs broke the silence as Ali's thoughts spiralled around the brown longneck. His goofy smile, his infectious laugh and his tender touch, not to mention the handsome look. Oh what would she give to see him right here, right now. Immediately, she sobbed a little harder. As she wept mostly quietly, memories of the time she spent with him kept resurfacing. How she'd met him in the Great Valley, playing a prank on him and ending up falling from a rotten tree trunk, how they'd played together, became friends, met Littlefoot's friends Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike, ran away together in order to save Littlefoot's grandfather from severe illness... how much fun they had regardless of the danger they had faced. Oh what would she give to do that again.

If only they'd go on that bloody journey.

The thought improved her situation a little though the tears still fell just as frequently. If only she could go on that adventure. Ali just knew that this mysterious phenomenon was affecting all longnecks, some observations among the herd giving enough proof to believe in it firmly. Littlefoot was much braver than she'd ever been, than she could ever be. If he didn't set off into the unknown, then who would?

"Certainly not stupid fat grail annoying Old One!" her mind shouted indignantly and, in a way, it helped shake off the sadness. Ali hadn't been to the meeting but something told her that it must have been about the sleepstory problem and its consequences. Old One was the biggest coward Ali knew (and the biggest idiot, her reflection added angrily) so the outcome was more than obvious. She'd still be stuck here facing another trial for non-attendance and everything would be terrible. TERRIBLE. (Your whole life is terrible, her reflection yelled).

"What would you do?" she asked to noone in particular. "I cannot stay where I am right now... it'd drive me mad! But I cannot leave unless they do..." Infuriating, wasn't it? To be caught like that with no real option which could improve her current situation? Without the freedom and power to make your own decision? Restricted by the chains of her mother; restricted by the laws of the herd...

"What would you do, Littlefoot?" she mumbled quietly, looking up into the slightly cloudy sky. "Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike? I need your help." But none came. Obviously. Her friends were who knows how far away after all. But that was when he reflection, stronger and sharper than ever, piped up encouragingly.

"Run away, run away and chase your dreams, Ali!"

"I can't do that!" Ali replied with shock. "I can't leave the herd... and mother!"

"A herd you despise? A mother who you hate? Who opposes you? Ali, wake up dear!"

"I am awake," Ali protested before realizing that she hadn't caught the figurative meaning at all.

"Then run! You cry because of them, you're angry, sad, disappointed and a brat. You're not your true self unless you get away!"

Ali couldn't argue with that. All the shouting, all the arguing and crying... that wasn't her. Not really anyway. The real Ali was a very kind and compassionate nature who wouldn't dare tease her mother like some bratty kid with no manners and education. She could be quite lady-like if she wanted, mother and Old One had made sure to that. Ali couldn't argue either that those morons (yes, she was pissed enough to use such a word) were effectively ruining her already poor life even more. Maybe it really was about time that she broke ties and did what she wanted to do, what she considered right? However...

"I'm just a child though, any sharptooth would get me if I wander around on my own..."

"Yes, but that didn't stop you last time, didn't it?"

Indeed, Ali hadn't been the least worried about sharpteeth and other dangers when she lead Littlefoot into the Land of Mists. Which she'd regretted. She'd almost died a few times along that journey if it hadn't been for sheer luck. Both of them had, in fact, and Ducky had barely escaped being eaten. Could she really expect that kind of luck again? She'd have to find water, have to find food and shelter... and she'd have to find the way - though that was the least of her worries since some part of her could sense what way to go, and she'd have to avoid anything with malicious intent. Not exactly an easy task and even more so for a little child who'd never had to care for herself before.

"I'm not sure..." Ali lamented and new tears burned in the corner of her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong and what's right! I don't want to stay and I'm too scared to go!" Now she really did tear up, fresh tears tattering the surface of the pond, blurring her reflection up to the point of being unrecognizable as her reflection, as Ali. Though her reflection had teeth, it'd take more than a few disturbances for it to go away. In a way, Ali mused, it was the only existence that never truly left her. Whether appearing to her as a reflection on water or as her shadow under the light of the Bright Circle, it was always there, a mostly mute companion but a companion all the same. A companion one could rely on and ask for advice. Right now it was telling her to leave her previous life away in order to follow her heart blindly to escape her crappy life with her mother in Old One's herd and hunt after her distant friend whose presence she desired more than anything in the whole world. Could she trust that voice? Perhaps it had just had enough of her childish whining and crying trying to get rid of her? Or perhaps it simply didn't care whether she'd die halfway through her trek.

"Littlefoot, what do you say? What should I do? Please help me!" Of course Littlefoot didn't hear her but Ali tried imagining his goofy face until her reflection instead displayed that of Littlefoot. Littlefoot gave her a smile.

"If you want to see me, you've gotta follow the sleepstories. They will guide you to me."

"But!" Ali protested. "It's extremely dangerous!"

"Of course it is but it wouldn't be an adventure otherwise, Ali. Be brave and follow your heart for it will never lead you astray." And as soon as he had appeared, the reflection of the boy was gone again. It had been the version of Littlefoot that lived in her memories that she had just spoken to but she supposed the real Littlefoot would have told her to do the same.

"Follow my heart he said. Follow the sleepstories too. In other words, go wherever it feels right to go? Sounds fishy to me but Littlefoot wants to meet me! I HAVE to go! Reflection, are you listening?"

The blurry mirrored image of Ali grunted.

"Tonight I will run away to find Littlefoot! I don't care if it means having to leave mother; she is not acting like a mother anymore and I hate her, from the bottom of my heart I do!" Ali panted as she shouted all of this out loud. She would escape tonight and noone, yes, NOBODY would keep her from carrying out her plan! NOBODY would stop her from seeing Littlefoot!

"Littlefoot, you can't hear this but know that I will come to meet you, definitely! I will come to meet you, it's a promise, see?" Ali felt slightly stupid for talking to plain air like that but it helped her stay sane. She still had several hours before nightfall and, against all odds, she wanted to check first what decision the herd had made in the morning. It would be easier sneaking away at night after all (her hideout was in the heart of the forest so she was bound to be seen by someone at day). Moreover...

"I need to prepare and eat and drink a lot and sleep some!"

The girl needed no further prompting. Ali had probably never eaten this much food before. By the time she was done, her belly ached and her eyes fell shut almost with no effort as she fell into an uneasy afternoon nap which was characterized by snippet-like dreams that made no sense. At the break of dawn, she ate some more regardless of her stomach ache as she slowly headed back home, dreading the coming encounter. All the green food inside her belly annoyed her greatly but, in hindsight, it had probably saved her life.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Oh, it's been too awfully long, hasn't it? My apologies for disappearing again without a trace for a good while but I was too busy to keep my writing updated. I'm not saying that I haven't been writing at all, thankfully I have worked on things here and there, but I couldn't be bothered to provide random updates until I had a little bit of writing done to get back into somewhat of a schedule or whatever you wanna call it lol. There will be one update per week for now on any of my stories (and I also have a short story related to this story coming soon) until I run out of ammo. It's winter break atm so I'm working hard to create a bit of a headstart in case I fall behind so terribly again.

*

Anyway, now concerning the actual chapter. I've written this like 3 months ago already and it was already done before I had finished chapter 6 haha. I just picked it up and changed a few things, some wording etc. The old version of this scene was considerably shorter. I did like it more than most of my early chapters back then but I still felt I had to take a different approach. Ali ending up at the border of sanity having conversations with her reflection and imaginary Littlefoot certainly hadn't been planned but rather occurred to me spontaneously as I was working myself into Ali's mental turmoil. Please do let me know if it feels out of place but I think Ali's gone through a lot and it's not too unlikely for someone to end up like this.

Secondly (and this was the main reason I gave this chapter another revamp), I wanted to point out that even though Ali is terribly blinded by her feelings, she still has enough sense in her to be aware of the dangers that such a journey would obviously entail and be hesitant about it. If it hadn't been for imaginary Littlefoot, she mightn't have come to the decision after all. A decision she is still conflicted about but still she made up her mind, no longer willing to bear the chains of her mother and her herd.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)


________________________________________________________________________________________________

awkward to reply to old reviews but I always read them when I receive them, just more convenient to adapt to how I do things on ff.net lately which has a poor review system imho. Anyway, these are always appreciated and if there's something that needs immediate clarification I'll respond by PM, probably :)


Quote
That sleep story is such a tease, hinting for things to come. The whiplash in it was nicely done too.

Thank you very much, a bit of foreshadowing seemed like a nice idea :D

Quote
As of the time I'm writing this review, I finally watched the movie, so now I can tell what's different from the rest. In this case, Littlefoot's sleep story gave the chapter such an intense atmosphere. It seems that with every night that passes, his nightmares will keep getting worse and worse, and continuously plague his mind, until ... it happens. That last bit with the mention of Ali has me very intrigued, and I have this strange hunch that we could be expecting a Littlefoot x Ali reunion at some point during the story. Then again, that's just my prediction, and I have no way of telling whether or not I'm a good fortuneteller.  :P As before, nice job with the buildups in Littlefoot's story. Compared to Ali and Shorty, Littlefoot has been having the most tense buildup in my opinion.

...And that in spite of the fact that I kinda added Littlefoot's part late into my new concept. Yes, this dream took me a lot of thinking but it was well worth it. It was certainly intense, I have to agree yep. Concerning the sleepstories, I wouldn't say they're getting any worse, this one wasn't even a regular sleepstory related to the eventual eclipse. But it is a nice theory which makes sense when you think about it :)

Gotta remember that you haven't read the original haha so I'm not going to comment on the last paragraph lest I accidently reveal something haha. Anyways, thanks for the review!


Quote
The sleep story, and Littlefoot's confusion during it, nicely encapsulates the conflicting emotions that he is going through when contemplating the coming journey.  Though the dream sequences are a bit of a tease, as OwlsCantRead has tested, it is a tease that makes us readers consider the possibilities of what Littlefoot's coming journey will entail.  As such the dreams are not only foreshadowing possibilities to our favorite flathead, but also to ourselves as well.  Though both Ali and Shorty have had more eventful occurrences thus far, Littlefoot's slow buildup has me curious for what is to come.  :yes

Thank you very much :)

Littlefoot's arc is just as exciting for me because unlike the rest of the story which has the first draft to reference (both as a good and a bad example at times  :sducky ) this is written completely from scratch and has only very little guidance from the movie as his journey is reduced to very few short events with little screentime safe for meeting Sue. And of course I can't wait for
Spoiler: ShowHide
 the three arcs to merge eventually :)


Quote
Sorry for the late review but I still thought I’d give my thoughts. This chapter elaborated the future of the story quite well and this is another example of how ridiculously easy it would have been for Universal to make the tenth film better. The longer dialogue in the first part of the fic made that conversation feel more natural and complete and it wrapped that brief scene up well.

However, it is the latter part of this installment that made this an intriguing read. Littlefoot’s dream was quite intense and the way that scene was built was really impressive. The ending of that sequence with Ali was powerful and it brought up Littlefoot’s missing for her quite tangibly. The last scene of this chapter with Littlefoot’s thoughts was not only a good look into how the longneck views his old friend these days but a great indicator for what’s to come and one I’m not sure was included in the original version of this fic. In any case, it was a good inclusion and well done with this one! :DD

Aww thank you very much, Sovereign! It's rare to read a review from you that has nothing to criticize (which isn't a bad thing, don't get me wrong, your constructive thoughts and advice have helped not only me  :lol ) so uhh I guess i did a pretty good joob. :olittlefoot Speaking of which, I feel like I've improved a lot lately even though I haven't been reading a lot (which is usually a great source of both inspiration and also ideas and reference of stylistic elements which I may or may not know due to my native tongue being a different one ;) so it is even more surprising.

Though I've recently been talking a lot to a person who has been following me on ff.net for a long time and they are a talented analyst (and a big fan  :lol) and their ideas and critical eye have been a great guidance over the last few months and certainly have been an influence worth a mention on this story and my other work as well :)


My next upload will probably be a new chapter of my novellization project so keep your eyes and ears open  :smile
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on January 01, 2019, 09:50:24 PM
Now, this is the perfect example of signs of mental turmoil. I know mostly because my nephew has a mental illness and keeps having these random screaming episodes as if he's schizophrenic or something. To me, it really does seem that Ali is on the verge of going insane unless she gathers up the courage to run away from this "miserable life" she's been trapped in. You have a great skill of expressing character emotions in situations like these, and I'm excited yet dreading what will happen in the next part of her story. She knows it will be a perilous one, but she just wants to be with those she knows will care about her, and she will do whatever it takes to start another chapter in her young life.

Short, but good chapter, and BTW, Happy New Year! :smile
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on January 02, 2019, 02:47:58 PM
This was a rather quick look into Ali’s thoughts and showed very well just how difficult her situation is. I’m not sure if her mental anguish was even more profound this time around but still, you did a fine job in portraying her frustrations about her herd and her inability to be with Littlefoot. That conflict is shown quite deeply which is vital in portraying a character make decisions like these.

Yet, again, you aren’t making Ali especially likable to me in this fic.  :p “Why can’t she acknowledge my feelings?” is the kind of stuff that often makes kind of shun a character and later in the chapter, her planned journey is, as in the original fic, a complete folly. Though, it was a good idea to show her try to argue with herself about her situation as it showed how torn she is between her wishful thoughts and reality. In any case, it’ll be interesting to see just how you’ll change the next parts of Ali’s story.  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on January 03, 2019, 02:33:50 AM
Though this chapter was a bit on the short side it did present us with a good inner view of Ali's thought process and inner turmoil.  We get to see how the small taste of relative freedom and happiness in the valley has put her herd life into a very unflattering light.  With this being combined with a lack of companionship from many kids her age, hormones, and what looks like a budding mental breakdown, it really puts her motivations into perspective and into a much more sympathetic light than what we were presented with in the previous incarnation of this tale.  Though in this case her youthful and hopeful dreams have overpowered her logical mind, we do see that she is thinking about things with some sense of rationality as shown by her stocking up on food for the long journey ahead.  I eagerly look forward to what the coming confrontation will lead to, and how Ali's journey will proceed.  :yes
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on January 05, 2019, 08:05:02 PM
okay I think I'll break my new habit and reply right away. Feeling a late night writing mood coming too :)littlefoot

Quote
Now, this is the perfect example of signs of mental turmoil. I know mostly because my nephew has a mental illness and keeps having these random screaming episodes as if he's schizophrenic or something. To me, it really does seem that Ali is on the verge of going insane unless she gathers up the courage to run away from this "miserable life" she's been trapped in. You have a great skill of expressing character emotions in situations like these, and I'm excited yet dreading what will happen in the next part of her story. She knows it will be a perilous one, but she just wants to be with those she knows will care about her, and she will do whatever it takes to start another chapter in her young life.

Short, but good chapter, and BTW, Happy New Year! :smile

Happy New Year to you as well!  :^^spike

Ah, I am glad that I was able to picture Ali believingly. I fortunately (I must say) did not have any experiences with such behavior and mental turmoil but, trying to understand the characters, I think I can get behind these a little bit (btw sorry to hear about your nephew, must be awful for them  :opetrie). Personally, if I were in Ali's position I'd go mad myself and Ali is certainly at a breaking point here. It is a little hard to understand without knowing what her daily herd life is like but including that would have been too much of a spin-off from the story so I merely explained it while doing the little worldbuilding that was required to set this scene up. :) Thanks for your review!  :)littlefoot

Quote
This was a rather quick look into Ali’s thoughts and showed very well just how difficult her situation is. I’m not sure if her mental anguish was even more profound this time around but still, you did a fine job in portraying her frustrations about her herd and her inability to be with Littlefoot. That conflict is shown quite deeply which is vital in portraying a character make decisions like these.

Yet, again, you aren’t making Ali especially likable to me in this fic.  :p “Why can’t she acknowledge my feelings?” is the kind of stuff that often makes kind of shun a character and later in the chapter, her planned journey is, as in the original fic, a complete folly. Though, it was a good idea to show her try to argue with herself about her situation as it showed how torn she is between her wishful thoughts and reality. In any case, it’ll be interesting to see just how you’ll change the next parts of Ali’s story.  :)

Thank you very much for your review as always :)

I certainly changed a lot about her mental breakdown from the old fic. The old chapter was between 700-800 words and half of it was more or less a recap of LBT 4. This chapter still wasn't too huge (slightly above 2k) but after rereading my old chapter I must say it dwindles against this in detail and logic. Certainly, it was more profound :) In the old version she just cried a little and complained. This goes much deeper I think and I hope it helped understanding Ali a little better and why she is so torn (in the old chapter she wasn't torn at all, she just decided to "buzz off" and off she ran :P She'll get an entire additional chapter after this before that happens here. Should be chapter 10.  :^^spike)

To be perfectly honest, Ali is hardly the Ali we know from the movies here. I did place her in an environment which is strikingly different from what we know of her and under the circumstances she cannot express that side of hers which we've seen in he Great Valley. Ali's herd always struck a nerve whenever I saw LBT 4 and it came across to me as strange and simply a herd I would not like to be part of. It must be how I got the idea in the first place many years ago... Ali was happy in the Valley, she had a playmate (who knows if she had anyone to play with in her herd, she certainly doesn't in SDP), she had fun, she was free. None of that applies to her in this chapter. She is alone, bored, contained by the strict rules of the herd and her mother who follows them. It's almost like she's a prisoner and she's desperately trying to escape. That is just how I see her as the author here, I'm not sure how much of that is showing through the words I write but anyway excuse this wall of text :P

Out of curiosity, what is wrong with the statement you quoted? What else could I have done? It's a bit cliche perhaps but I wouldn't know how else to express her utter frustration at the situation.  :thinking

Yes, her journey is going to be quite a folly although I can tell you it'll go a bit different and make a little more sense this time :P Also, this folly is absolutely necessary to get her to that place or would you have done it differently? Her herd is hardly coming along and do you think her mother would listen if she asked? Personally, I doubt but please do share your thoughts, Sovereign :yes

Quote
Though this chapter was a bit on the short side it did present us with a good inner view of Ali's thought process and inner turmoil.  We get to see how the small taste of relative freedom and happiness in the valley has put her herd life into a very unflattering light.  With this being combined with a lack of companionship from many kids her age, hormones, and what looks like a budding mental breakdown, it really puts her motivations into perspective and into a much more sympathetic light than what we were presented with in the previous incarnation of this tale.  Though in this case her youthful and hopeful dreams have overpowered her logical mind, we do see that she is thinking about things with some sense of rationality as shown by her stocking up on food for the long journey ahead.  I eagerly look forward to what the coming confrontation will lead to, and how Ali's journey will proceed.  :yes

Thank you very much, rhombus :)

As I already said before, making sure to emphasize her inner turmoil was my primary goal and it's what the previous adaption lacked so terribly :P And yes good point hormones might very well play a small role here too although the Time of Great Growing is still but a mysterious phenomenon to the main characters of this story :P

Although I did make sure to show that she isn't chasing her dreams blindly and without questioning, her mind could not give in to the opportunity. Under normal circumstances, she may have been able to resist (I'm guessing this hasn't been the first time Ali has been pondering about how to escape her poor life) but with the strain of the instincts the sleepstories have bestowed upon all longnecks, she is unable to resist the adventure :P

There'll be a new chapter of the novellization tomorrow btw :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on January 06, 2019, 10:34:11 AM
Quote
Out of curiosity, what is wrong with the statement you quoted? What else could I have done? It's a bit cliche perhaps but I wouldn't know how else to express her utter frustration at the situation.  :thinking

The line itself was fine, it's just that I seldom like characters that make such a fuss about themselves in certain kinds of situations. The wording did its job, it's just my preferences regarding certain character types. As for the other question, nope, I don't think that either but it's just that I feel she personally demonizes the Old One and her mother a bit too much within her mind, even after your comparison between her time in the Valley and in her herd. In any case, none of this makes me like the fic any less, only certain elements within Ali's character in it so no worries. :^^spike
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on January 10, 2019, 12:12:59 PM
Forgive me for snickering, but that "talk to own reflection in body of water" was so Disney-esque I laughed.

In all seriousness, mirror-Ali (and Littlefoot) is basically her inner rebellious consciousnesses telling her to rebel in a angel-and-devil-on-shoulder scenario. In by the end, it's pretty clear which side won out. :P
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on January 16, 2019, 12:37:22 PM
Ah okay, thanks for clearing that up, Sovereign. Everyone is seeing characters in a different light after all. My new proofreader for example thinks I absolutely nailed Ali's character given the situation she's in but then again he may be a little biased :smile Glad it's just a minor thing which doesn't impact the way you see the story :)

Glad you liked it Owls, it was one of those spontaneous ideas which just came up suddenly and I thought "Yes, I've gotta do this!" Sometimes it backfires to rely on spontaneous ideas but I think in this case it was okay :D


New chapter either today or tomorrow :)

Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on January 16, 2019, 06:06:15 PM
Chapter 8: A new adventure awaits!

Many years later.

Bron was overlooking a lush and green land, speckled with gentle hills and occasional mountains, with vegetation that was much different than further north in the land where deserts reigned, in the land where he used to live. He had found this place eventually on his search for Littlefoot and his family. It had been several months after he had decided to look after Shorty and the little ones. The children had begun to trust him and soon they weren’t the only ones who did. Their life was dangerous and Bron had to fight countless times to protect their lives as he passed through an area literally infested with sharpteeth of all kinds as well as the lives of some other longnecks he happened to come across. The scattered survivors of drought and predation quickly gathered around him and others decided to join soon.

Back when they had discovered the warm and rainy lands that stretched further than the eye could see, Bron had decided to settle down there and officially organize what had been a loose group of longnecks, merely following him out of the need for protection and guidance, both of which Bron was able to provide thanks to his combat abilities and the experience that travelling for years had taught him, into a permanent herd - with him as their indisputed leader.

These lands turned out to be very vast and evergreen. Seasons existed only in that during certain times of the year the rain was more frequent and more likely to cause flooding but neither was there a Cold Time or a hot and dry season - it was simply warm and wet all the time. They never had to worry about food and water and sharpteeth were at a significant disadvantage in such lands so they could be relatively careless, migrating through these lands at their own leasure, merging with many families and smaller herds over time which lead him to the situation as it was right now, over 200 longnecks following his gentle command, which was not even counting the numerous children.

Bron sighed. Even though his new life had been everything but terrible, the fact that he hadn’t been able to find his family never ceased to cause utmost regret and pain during his lonely hours. No matter how nice his current life was, if he had to choose between now and 10 years ago, he’d choose his old life without a second worth of thought; a life with his mate; a life with Littlefoot…

“Perhaps I should have never agreed to Papa Longneck’s idea…” he reflected as his thoughts lingered on that conversation so long ago…

*

It was in the middle of the night when Bron was woken up by an old longneck who looked like he had aged a lot in recent months. The ongoing drought was paying their everyone’s tributes but specially from his parents in law whose bones had had to carry their bodies for much longer than his young and strong body did.

“Is it my turn for night duty?” Bron wondered sleepily as his heavy body raised.

“Yes, it is indeed, Bron, but before I join Grandma in her sleep, could I speak to you for a moment?”

“Sure, what’s on your mind? Anything we need to worry about?”

Grandpa Longneck didn’t reply but lead them a little distance away, away from the sleeping forms of his mate and Grandma Longneck resting underneath a single lone rotten tree in the middle of a deserted area which had likely been a lush grassland many years ago… before the drought had changed everything…

“Bron, I need to have your opinion on the idea that your mate - my daughter offered recently,” the old longneck spoke with a tired voice that came from all the stress having to survive day after day brought along.

“About those rumors that are spreading far and wide?” Bron questioned while tilting his head.

“Indeed…” Grandpa sighed deeply. “Grandma and I aren’t sure if those rumors are to be believed. Too much they sound like the voices of terrified souls such as ourselves who seek for the light in dark times like these; too much they sound like a mere rumor, a mere hope, a mere fantasy to help everyone keep moving, keep striving to survive no matter how hard these times are… because there might be this place, far far away… where there is still hope, where there is still food… I am honestly doubtful whether such a place still exists in our decaying world…”

Bron listened to his father in law intently. His great wisdom never failed to astonish him and he had helped him to finetune his combat skills over the last few years. It was this wisdom gained through many hardships in life that he was hearing most in his message. Bron could understand the appeal of such a rumor but he too had his doubts.

“I’m not sure what to make of these rumors myself, “ he answered slowly. “There is no evidence of the existence of the Great Valley that everyone is trying to find now and there has never been to my knowledge.”

“If it is such an amazing place as the legend describes it, then why has it not been known by anyone until recently?” Grandpa expanded his thoughts. "You do know how far I’ve come around in my life; how many dinosaurs I’ve had the pleasure to meet, to teach and to learn from… never in my life has anyone mentioned to me a place called “Great Valley”. I have been to more places that own a name then I can recall and yet a “Great Valley” has never been among them.”

“She is tempted to take us all there now that she’s heard about it,” Bron spoke uncomfortably.

“Yes, yes… I cannot blame her. In times like these you cling on to any good news. But one must try to keep a level head and look at a situation with rational thought.”

“Yes, I agree.” Bron looked into the distance thoughtfully, pondering.

“That being said, raising the eggs that she will have very soon in a land so poor… I’m not sure if we can raise any of them to the Time of Great Growing if things aren’t changing for the better soon…”

“So what are you suggesting, Papa Longneck?” Bron prompted. “If both staying here and going on a journey completely blind is out of option, then what should we do? We might as well go anywhere if we’re trying to find a new home…”

There was a lot of truth about Bron’s words but Grandpa Longneck had spent the whole night thinking in search of a solution that ensured their survival best… and found something.

“Bron, there is no way of knowing what is the right decision here. Famine might get worse or the rain might return, making the food grow again. But either way, going on a perilous journey to find a place we don’t even know if it exists is something you just cannot do with little hatchlings. They cannot go without food nearly as long as we can, it is a risk we must only take if there is no food left at all.” Grandpa halted for a moment, drawing a big breath in. “Therefore, I have another favor to ask of you, Bron, a favor I can only ask for. Too grave and too perilous it is to demand you to do it…”

“What is it, Papa Longneck?” Bron inquired, agitated. “Do you want me to search for it?”

“That…” the old longneck let out a long sigh,” that is precisely what I believe to be our best bet here. Bron, you are strong, much stronger than most I’ve ever known. If anyone can do it, then it is you!”

Bron looked around, unsure what to think of the request. Certainly, he was the only one of their small herd capable of shouldering such a perilous journey. It’d mean he’d be gone for many cycles of the Night Circle, if not longer; it’d mean he’d be separated from his family for a very long time… it’d mean he mightn’t even witness the hatching of their offspring… if even one of the eggs survived the perilous time of hatching, that was…

“Could you allow me some time to think it through? I’d love to do it but… it is not an easy decision and-and a great responsibility!”

“We cannot blame you if you fail to find it for we know not if it exists at all!” Grandpa spoke soothingly. “Take as much time as you need to prepare your mind and body, Bron. If your answer to that request happens to be a decline, I completely understand. I, too, preferred that you stayed here with us - we’d lack our strongest to defend against sharpteeth for a long while and that is a serious risk by all means! However, if on your journey you happen to find this rumoured paradise or a similar place where it is safe to raise the hatchlings, we would have gained a lot and I figured that, considering the current magnification of the famine, there is more to gain than there is to lose!”

“I can’t see any fault in that logic, Papa Longneck.” Bron gave a slightly sheepish smile. “Alright, I’ll do it. As soon as I’ve talked to my mate about it, I’ll be off on a great adventure!”

“I knew that I could count on you!” Grandpa gave a light chuckle, clearly a huge weight had just fallen from his chest. “Some things just never change, huh?”

“Yeah, seems like it,” Bron said, joining the chuckle of his father in law.

“Well, for now I wish you a good and quiet night, Bron,” the old longneck spoke as light-hearted as he was rarely seen these days.

“Goodnight,” Bron replied, his thoughts already in distant places, exploring deep valleys and endless caves filled with beautiful shiny stones…”


*

“Some things never change indeed, huh?” Bron mumbled to himself as his thoughts returned from the problems of the past to the problems of the present time. Did he do the right thing after all? He just didn’t know. Too many things could have gone very wrong without doubt either way. As it was, Bron concluded, it was probably best to be grateful that he had survived many years of solitary travel and managed to acquire a life worth living even if it wasn’t without regret.

A sudden rattle of leaves behind him alerted Bron for a moment but the suspected danger soon unveiled to be no less than Shorty emerging from the thick undergrowth which dominated much of the land. Bron gave a curt nod, inviting the boy to join him. The relationship between Shorty and him was a very healthy one although he had never formally adopted him as one of his own which made things complicated occasionally, part of which probably had to do with the unknown whereabouts of Littlefoot. Either way, nobody had taken it upon themselves to look after the green longneck with the bumpy head so Bron had always assumed some sort of responsibility for the boy which went beyond his responsibilities as a herd leader. Of course it hadn’t quite been easy. Shorty, turned out, could be quite the troublemaker and bully but Bron found it very hard to be strict with him because of the complicated relationship between them and quite possibly because of how much he hated being lectured as a kid himself. Some things never changed after all, even after such a long time, Bron mused.

“Hey Bron, I’m bored,” Shorty declared bluntly as he halted in his movement next to the huge grown-up. Shorty had evolved to be a very fine and strong boy, boasting and pretending to be cool a lot when really he was a big goof. His antics hadn’t really been received well by the other kids in the herd (and the fact that Shorty liked to bully those weaker than him hardly helped) so Bron had to put up with the boy more often than he’d like to sometimes. Although he had just been pondering about a lot of things, having Shorty around might just be the respite that he needed right now to get his thoughts back on track, back to the matter which actually needed to be addressed.

“I can tell,” Bron chuckled, mildly amused.

“What’cha been doing up here, Bron?” Shorty inquired.” Making some important decisions, are we?”

“Sort of…” Bron hesitated. “Shorty, while you’re here, you might as well hear me out, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” the boy replied with a shrug. Bron decided to lay down so their heads would be on eye level.

“I don’t think we’ve ever spoken much about it but I’m sure that you’ve noticed it too, Shorty…”

“Noticed what?”

“The sleepstories…”

Lately, his whole herd had suddenly seen itself confronted with recurring nightmares and a highly strange and unusual feeling of restlessness and wanderlust which even Bron, perhaps the most passionate adventurer there was,  couldn’t explain.

“Oh… yeah those! They are bloody annoying!” Shorty yelled in a burst of outrage. “Every damn night they wake me up, what’s up with that?!”

Bron had to stifle a laughter at the rant Shorty was performing; after all it coincided with how he felt about them quite well.

“Ever since the recent cycle of the Night Circle concluded with its fully illuminated version, I’ve been having this same sleepstory night after night and when I wake up I feel like I need to go somewhere immediately, or otherwise I’d go mad. I thought this was simply a relict of my adventures when I was your age but it seems my lust for adventure isn’t the cause… you can affirm, right? You’ve been feeling the same, Shorty.”

“Yeah, it’s mighty weird, like something is messing with us…” the child offered, which made Bron laugh for real this time.

“Haha, well who knows?” Though his light moment didn’t last very long. “That being said, Shorty, this is a situation I need to act on as the leader of this herd. It’s not just the two of us but everyone here who suffers from the recent night terror. I thoroughly believe that it’s a message. What kind of message? No idea! But it tells us to go somewhere. There’ll be a great event, a once-in-a-lifetime event which our whole herd, maybe even all dinosaurs get to see if they go to the place where it happens.”

“Isn’t that a bit of a gamble, Bron?” Shorty argued and Bron nodded approvingly.

“Everyone I’ve talked to in recent days confessed to me that they feel the same, Shorty. I don’t think I can ignore this yearning to go into the unknown any longer than I did. I’ll call a meeting before the Great Circle goes beyond the great mountains in the west. Make sure to be there, okay?”

Shorty nodded, he didn’t have anything better to do anyway and a quick look at the sky confirmed that the meeting would be soon.

“I’ll see you around then!” Bron called before getting back to his feet and walking off the scene.

*

About an hour later, Bron found himself standing in midst of a crowd of longnecks as far as the eye could see. It was a pain to find a place in these lands where such meetings could be held and that being said, Bron tried to keep them to a minimum, relying on the spread of word by mouth whenever possible.

“Well, looks like we’re all gathered here!” Bron opened the meeting, raising his deep voice over the last scattered conversations that hadn’t died down when he had entered the center of the crowd in order to speak what he had to announce.

“As you all know, I hate these meetings so let’s make it brief so we can all sleep with our loved ones, alright?” This seemed to resonate well with the herd. It had always been his utmost priority to address the needs of his followers and make sure that a fair solution for everyone could be found. He didn’t make a lot of rules because there was frankly no need to. Dinosaurs followed him because he was such a fair and kind leader yet he was strong when times were rough. One could hardly find a leader better suited than someone like Bron who never asked for such a position in the first place yet he had taken it with honour and lived up to the expectations and responsibilities masterfully.

“Speaking of sleep, I’m sure I’ve talked to a lot of you already but I figured this needed to be addressed publically after all. The sleepstories.”

Just mentioning that, a ruckus broke out which took a moment to silence down. It was a fine indicator of how right Bron was to address the matter at last.

“Let’s be frank, this has been very annoying. It’s making us restless at night as well as during daylight and it has disturbed our sleep and peace! It is not in my realm of power to stop sleepstories from occurring but I believe that quite a few of us already know what they are trying to tell us. I thoroughly believe that they’re trying to guide us. We all feel it if we listen to this feeling, if we dedicate ourselves to it. I can feel a rough direction; I feel that we should follow it and go on an adventure!” Bron took a short break in order for the dramatic effect of his speech to fully reach everyone. “I’ve thought a lot about the meaning of these sleepstories and what I keep thinking is that something great is going to happen. Far, far away, who knows where. Something that happens only once… something special. Maybe it has to do with the Night Circle who keeps appearing to me and many others in their sleepstories but, really, we will only truly know if we go on a journey!”

“Here comes the tedious part…” Bron mused as the meeting moved into the next stage… voting.

“Alright, it’s that time! Those who would like to follow their instincts to go on a great adventure may rest their legs for a moment, those who would rather stay here please make sure your long necks are being seen!”

The herd didn’t take long to perform the vote and it was strikingly obvious. Hardly a minute had passed and everyone but a handful of longnecks was crouching down on the floor. It was decided.

“I shall take on the challenge as your leader to get you all there well fed and in one piece!” Bron announced enthusiastically, quickly meeting Shorty’s gaze who was sitting on an elevated rock - he too had voted to go on the adventure. “Well, at least in one piece, who knows what lands we’ll have to cross…”

A few dinosaurs laughed at that. When they were travelling with Bron, anything seemed possible as long as he was leading them with the confidence that they trusted him without a doubt.

“Those who voted against going, will you accept the voice of the majority?” Bron asked for fairness sake but he already knew that the herd was acting as one unit, as one big family who was helping each other wherever possible. No objections were being made, many seemed excited and happy about the coming drastic change in their rather dull everyday lives.

“Alright everyone, now that this is settled it’s time to rest with our loved ones and feed ourselves as much food as we can, while we can. In two days at dawn, we’ll be leaving the Land of Many Skywater for a destination unknown. I’m thrilled to find out where the journey is going to take us! Well, goodnight!”

With that, Bron closed the meeting which had gone just as smooth and quick as he’d hoped it would. A childlike surge of excitement overcame him - they’d really go on a big adventure, the whole herd. A dream of his childhood finally coming true! Some things never changed after all…

*

Soon, Bron found himself back on that hill where he’d talked to Shorty earlier.

“Are you excited, Shorty?”

“You bet!” the boy answered immediately. “I bet it’ll be cool, nothing like the journey back then…”

“Count on it,” Bron said with a smile, giving Shorty a rare nuzzle which the boy endured with a bit of embarrassment. “How about we sleep up here tonight?”

“I don’t mind it, if it happens to rain tonight we can still run for the forest,” Shorty deduced, shrugging. There was always a possibility that it rained - at any time of the day. Though that night they would remain dry.

“Sounds like a plan!” Bron agreed, both sounding and looking like children about to explore an unknown cavern. And in a way it wasn’t much different than that, was it?

“Night Shorty!”

“G’night!”

They were asleep before they knew it, it had been a rather eventful day after all and also a certain event had made sure that they hadn’t been getting a good night rest for a while.

That night, both Shorty and Bron slept with a smile on their faces, that was until the sleepstories came to pay them a visit of course but both of them knew that they’d be getting closer to the core of these soon… when their great adventure would finally commence!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So... it ended up being today after all :)

I'm really happy with how this turned out. My plan for this chapter had been very vague so I had to improvise more than usual while writing this (and the chapter in the old story wasn't of much use so I didn't rely on it at all!). I'm most happy about the flashback, I must admit. It just came to me as I introduced Bron and the new situation he found himself in and now the things revealed in this flashback actually contain a lot of information which would have done LBT 10 a good deal if it had included them! Attempting to write grandpa in very formal speech was also a lot of fun and in a way a great practice to hone my style and vocabulary  :^^spike

I'm not sure if you notice it but I have tried to distinguish Bron's leadership from that of Old One for good reasons.

So Bron's group is soon to be headed off, being the second party now to make the decision of embarking on a big adventure. The pieces are slowly coming together, yep yep yep :)

Please tell me what you think about the new developments and about this chapter!  ;)

PS: The next upload will be my december prompt and let me tell you one thing:
Spoiler: ShowHide
It'll be set in this universe and possibly end up being a chapter in this story one day, far far in the future  :Mo
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on January 17, 2019, 03:05:03 PM
Now this was a rather interesting chapter. We saw here certain scenes that really deepened Bron and Shorty’s backgrounds. I especially liked the flashback as we have seldom seen any scenes of Bron’s old life. His conversation with Grandpa was nicely written and it was a really good way to show how deeply he regrets the choices he made in those days. Also, his talk with Shorty and the beginning of his herd’s journey to the crater is one that showed just what kind of relationship they had had prior to the Bron’s reunion with his real son.

However, the beginning of the chapter really caught my eye. :sducky You don’t start with “Many years later” in case there have been several chapters since we last saw the plotline move forward. Also, the way you told what had happened was quite closely drawn from the film but it seemed to be too simple for this fic. Still, those are minor issues and I liked your characterizations of Bron and Shorty more than Ali’s, for example. In any case, nice job with this one. :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on January 18, 2019, 10:46:55 AM
This chapter has really gotten me excited for what's to come for Bron and Shorty's herd. You've really done a great job portraying him as a very effective leader who can protect and calm his herd whenever he needs to.

The flashback was very nicely done, too. It's too bad very few have written about what drove Bron to go on that journey that ultimately cost him his family life. Your version of the journey has left a lasting impression on me, and it clearly illustrates the remorse Bron feels about letting his family down and leaving him unsure if any of them are still alive, let alone his son.

I must agree with Sovereign in pointing out that the "Many years later" was very confusing. Furthermore, a few lines later, you said that it had been several months since the previous events of Bron and Shorty's story. Still, that didn't stop this chapter from hyping up the excitement and anticipation of future events. Good chapter. :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on January 20, 2019, 03:01:34 AM
This was quite a lovely chapter that elaborated upon not only Bron and Shorty's relationship, but also on the history of Bron's initial quest. With regards to Shorty and Bron we have caught sight in this chapter of Shorty's budding bullying and mischievousness, but also of Bron's ability to (thus far) keep him in line and to understand some of his misbehavior. 

What really caught my attention, however, was the contrast between Bron's style of leadership and that of the Old One.  In Bron's leadership we see a more dynamic leadership style with distinct votes and an attempt to reconcile those who voted against the consensus once the vote is done.  I wonder how much of this is due to how his herd developed organically over time based upon his leadership as opposed to the Old One's more ossified leadership from (as of right now) unknown origins.  I suspect this dichotomy is going to be important going forward.

As for what the others said about the "many years later" beginning, I do have to agree that it was confusing at first.  Generally it is best to describe the timing of a scene relative to the prior one, even if the prior scene in question involved other characters.  That being said, in stories such as this where there are quite a few flashbacks and several instances of shifting back in forth it is sometimes difficult to avoid some confusion. This did not stop me from enjoying this chapter however. I look forward to seeing how things go from here.  :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: OwlsCantRead on January 22, 2019, 10:12:42 PM
I have to agree with the others regarding the "many years later" timeskip being confusing, because the last chapter was from Ali's POV and thus present day, which made the relative timeskip seem off. But once I remembered where Bron's segment left off, all was good anyway. :P

That said, the way that Bron left his family to hunt for the valley because of Littlefoot's grandparents is harsh and ironic in hindsight. I really did like it.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on February 26, 2019, 06:59:45 PM
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I haven't yet gotten around to rephrasing the troublesome paragraphs but I will update them whenever I get some extra time. Right now though just meeting my schedule is a hell of a job and it surely wasn't supposed to be a month later that I finally upload the next chapter. That being said, here it is :)


________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 9: Adventuring

It didn’t take Littlefoot long to get to the meeting place they had agreed on for that day. Although it was fairly close to his home, he was still the last to arrive.

“Hey guys!” the longneck called as his four best friends came into view, waiting or helping themselves to a snack in Spike’s case.

“Took ya long enough, Sleepyneck!” To his utmost surprise, Cera was present as well in spite of getting rebuked and teased for her boldness the previous day. Whatever damage her pride had taken, the bossy threehorn wasn’t showing it at all. If anything, she was about as normal as always. He could only guess that she didn’t want to be reminded of her embarrassment and thus had decided to move on and act as if it had never happened - which was probably for the best.

“Hello, hello, hello!” Ducky chirped happily as his long neck came into view, Spike quickly looking up from his meal to nod and smile in his direction before picking up and finishing the large fern he was feeding on.

“Oh, there you be! Petrie already wonder if you wake up late, ehehe.” Upon saying these words, the small flyer descended from his perch on a nearby tree to glide down and take a seat on his friend. Littlefoot giggled.

“Hehehe, nice to see y’all!” he answered happily. Yes, as expected seeing his friends was washing the last remainders of the nightly dream away like a refreshing downpour during the hot season. With much brighter spirits, he caught up to the rest of them.

“I haven’t slept in, I’ve just been thinking about a sleepstory I had, that’s all,” the boy explained when he realized that Cera was about to reinforce what Petrie had asked him.

“That nonsense again, huh?” Cera deadpanned. “Oh well, you’re not that late anyway, Petrie only turned up here a moment ago.

“Not me problem if you too early, Cera,” Petrie chuckled from his new perch atop the longneck.

“Oh, what was your sleepstory about?” Ducky piped up curiously, walking a few steps towards Littlefoot.

“Oh, remember about yesterday?” Littlefoot began though then he remembered that he hadn’t really told them about things after all.

“How could I forget?” The sarcasm in Cera’s voice couldn’t be more profound. “I only hit a rock because of the shit your mind is brewing when you sleep. Gee, I wonder if it’s some ridiculous nonsense again?”

Littlefoot frowned for a moment, Cera’s passive-aggressive comment momentarily concerning him, however Cera didn’t show any real anger which reassured him soon.

“Well, I only got to tell you half of it the other day because a certain threehorn decided to prompt a small lie…”

“W-wait! So I didn’t break that bloody rock after all?!” Cera shouted in slight panic which made everyone laugh immediately.

“Nope, actually, I’ve been having a certain sleep story each night for a while now, and it’s the same for my grandparents.” And so the boy recited the usual contents of his every-night horror. Needless to say, his friends were more than surprised.

“Oh, that too spooky for Petrie!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh yes yes yes… Littlefoot, does it not bother you?”

“S...slightly,” the longneck admitted hesitantly as his gaze wandered from Ducky to Spike to Petrie who had since changed his perch to the spiketail where Ducky was also sitting. “It sure is annoying! What’s worse though is…” Wait, should he really tell his friends about that? Would they even believe him?

“What be worse?” Petrie prompted, tilting his head.

“Well, the thing is, my grandparents and I believe that there’s more to those sudden night terrors that keep bothering us,” Littlefoot began explaining with slight uneasiness. “It’s making us feel restless… like… something deep inside me is sorta telling me to go somewhere…” Littlefoot stopped dead in his tracks. Just then, as his grandfather’s word flashed up in his mind again, a horrible realization dawned on the longneck.

“We might be leaving tomorrow.”

“Crap, how did I not think about this before?!” He would be going on an adventure but what about his friends? Surely they couldn’t tag along?

“I suppose I’d better just tell them…” With that in mind, the boy picked up his explanation.

“Well, my grandparents told me tonight that we might be going on a journey soon… because we feel that something great is going to happen far away and-and we definitely don’t want to miss it out. We believe that our sleep stories are guiding us.”

This certainly was more than enough to get Ducky and Petrie to get up from their seats and walk right up to him, thrilled.

“What kind of journey?” Ducky asked.

“You mean like a trip?” Petrie wondered.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Littlefoot confirmed. “Sort of like… like an adventure!” As he said this, Ducky gasped in amazement and a “wow” slipped from Petrie’s beak, however there was one dinosaur not quite joining the hype.

“So let me get this straight…” Cera, who had been silent thus far, perching on a rock, finally spoke up. “You’ve been having sleepstories so you’re going on an adventure but you don’t know when and you don’t know where and you don’t know why but you just sorta feel when it’s time to leave and then you and your grandparents will just sorta wander off.” The words came in such quick succession that Littlefoot had a hard time keeping up with them. “Is that it?”

“Y-eah, that about sums it up,” the longneck confirmed with a slight smile.

Cera gave a confused look which bordered an expression of stupidity but then she changed it in a whim.

“Ha! I’m glad threehorns don’t have adventures like that!” With these words, she turned around and left the rock she had been sitting on.

Littlefoot was slightly downcast, however that changed when Spike, Ducky and Petrie exchanged a few glances.

“Well, me think it sound fun!” Petrie spoke up merrily.

“Uh-huh!” Spike nodded firmly.

“What kind of adventure do you think it will be?” Ducky questioned kindly.

Littlefoot remained thoughtful for a moment before he gave his reply.

“I… I just don’t know.”

“A trip down the deepest caves?” Ducky hypothesized in excitement.

“A climb into the highest mountains?” Petrie wondered, flying a looping in front of Spike and Ducky.

“A swim across the biggest waters?” Ducky added, even more hyped.

That was, when Littlefoot had a sudden idea.

“You know, guys, I really have no idea what to expect other than that this adventure is definitely going to happen! It’ll be the first time I’ll go on an adventure with uhh well… permission.”

“Hahahahah,” Petrie burst out laughing when he saw the slightly awkward and embarrassed face Littlefoot was making. Ducky and Spike exchanged glances meanwhile and Cera gave her famous “Humpf!” again.

“It is true that we never did go on an adventure with permission, oh yep yep yep!” Ducky giggled as Spike nodded beside her. “You are really lucky, yes you are.”

“Actually, Ducky… I’ve just been thinking…” Littlefoot said thoughtfully, his gaze wandering from one friend to the other.

“That’s dangerous,” Cera mocked but Littlefoot knew better than to react to the stab.

“You know, what if we… if we all… go? I mean…”

“You take us on adventure too?” Petrie wondered.

“Well… yeah I’d be sad to leave you guys behind,” Littlefoot declared eventually. “No fair going adventuring on my own, is it?”

“Uh-huh!” Spike nodded fiercely and the expressions of the others couldn’t be clearer. Save for Cera.

“For once, Littlefoot, this is something completely different than our usual adventures!” the threehorn exclaimed loudly with clear anger. “Do you honestly think I’ll readily tag along with your grandparents? There’s no fun going on an adventure with grown-ups, they’re so stuck up! Longnecks in particular!”

“Cera, I’m not so sure…” Littlefoot tried to soothe the growing argument but Cera simply rampaged on.

“Second, you may not have thought about it but we’ve always been super lucky on our trips! Just thinking how many sharpteeth almost ate me or spit on me makes me so ill! Sorry, I’d much rather keep my tail attached to my behind and not have some sharptooth nibble on it!”

“Is she still in a foul mood because Chomper bit her back in the days?” Littlefoot wondered as he puzzled about the threehorn’s sudden anger. “Or is she salty because of what happened the other day? No, it doesn’t seem like it…” Harsh as they might be, Cera’s words weren’t just aggressive but Littlefoot could tell that a small part of her actually genuinely cared about their wellbeing - he didn’t want to deny it completely, dangers were just as much part of adventures as the unlimited fun of exploration, but still he didn’t want to give up this easily.

“W-well, you got a point Cera but think of all the fun we could be having!” he replied with a genuine smile.

“Oh like your grandparents will allow us to have any of it! Wake up!” the threehorn shouted angrily.

“Well, at least they’d keep us safe, you know?” Littlefoot reasoned.

“Littlefoot, I am not so sure if they can… they are already quite old, yes they are…” Ducky spoke up, voicing her worries. “I would really really like to go on adventures but it is like Cera said… we could have been eaten a bunch of times before…”

“Me still get bad sleepstory about swimming sharptooth from Big Water sometimes, me no need to see any more sharpteeth!” Petrie said angstily as images of past sharpteeth floated through his mind.

“Even then, wouldn’t it be cool to see more of the world?” the longneck tempted his friends. “The Great Valley is amazing and I wouldn’t ever want to leave it but… the world is so full of amazing things yet to be uncovered and seen! I don’t wanna be like old Thicknose, you know?”

“You raise a fair point, Littlefoot, but we have a whole life to do that!” Cera reminded him a little harsher than was necessary. “We can do all of that when we’re grown-ups and able to deal with dangers ourselves!”

“You admitting you no can beat sharptooth?” Petrie teased the threehorn much to her dismay. “Petrie thought Cera always brag about how strong she is?”

“Bloody be realistic, rock-for-brains!” Cera grunted. “I’m amazing for my age, now shut up!” The resulting giggle from everyone helped improve the mood a little. Soon, the discussion returned to the matter at hand.

“Well, I know all of that, Cera, but… you don’t understand the current situation,” Littlefoot reasoned with a sigh. “Neither do I, nor my grandparents. We don’t know why we are burdened with these sleepstories, or the urge to leave the valley for no apparent reason other than a faint promise… But those are instincts and you should know how hard it is to ignore them…”

“Well, maybe…” Cera sighed, tired of the argument as well. “But what are you gonna do now, Littlefoot? Leave the Valley just like that? It’s your home!”

“I’m sure we’ll be back,” Littlefoot quickly assured though a grain of doubt remained. “One thing’s for sure, I’m going to go no matter what. Can’t help that, my grandparents are gonna drag me along even if I decided to stay here. Rather, why aren’t we all going? I’d be missing you guys…”

“Me would miss Littlefoot too,” Petrie quickly declared, the nods of Ducky and Spike backing him up.

“Uh-huh!”

“Yep yep yep!”

Littlefoot smiled. Maybe he still had a chance to convince them?

“Well I wouldn’t miss you!” Cera declared proudly but her expression wavered soon. “Still… it’d be slightly boring without you…”

“I know, right?” Littlefoot said with a grin. “So why not tag along? I’m sure my grandparents wouldn’t say no to that.”

“You sure about that?” Cera deadpanned. “Remember that we need our parents’ consent too! My dad would never agree to such a ludicrous thing!”

“That’s right, me Mama no like Petrie being away from home!” Petrie reasoned.

“Oh yes, oh yes…” Ducky sighed.

“Oh, come on, don’t be so negative, I’m sure it’ll work out!”

That was when the nearby trees rattled with heavy steps approaching the group. Littlefoot and his friends whirled around to see a familiar face poke out of the trees.

“Littlefoot, it’s time to go.”

________________________________________________________________________________________________

It might not sound like it but this chapter has given me a terrible time. You have no idea how hard it is to try include a song into the narrative. Since after several attempts I couldn't figure it out, I simply decided to cut the song from the story. I hope you don't mind. "Me and my Dad" certainly won't have a place in this story either though "bestest friends" just might because it is so impactful haha. Though I guess I'd have to write another 100 chapters first before we even get there  :wacko

So Littlefoot wants the others to tag along actively despite the obvious obstacles. Out of the gang, he sure is the most adventurous I guess and he's the one who's usually been initializing adventures in the movies, taking the lead. I feel this aspect fell a little short in the movie.

Cera is obviously against going, she just wouldn't be Cera if she readily agreed to something  :rolleye Unlike at the end of the adventuring song, I have no clear line in my narrative that suggests her readiness to tag along directly though her saying that it'd be boring with him hopefully is enough to indicate that. Cera can be a little unwilling to admit things openly as we all know after all  ;)Cera

Ducky's and Petrie's concerns from the song fell a little short in the narrative. I came up with the discussion quite spontaneously and the flow of dialogue just worked so I think all I'd have achieved by adding more lines indicating their concerns about the dangers of adventuring is a worse flow of the conversation.  :sducky Either way, I think they got their point across and despite that they do want to go.

And Spike is just Spike  :^^spike

But now Littlefoot's grandparents are calling Littlefoot in anticipation of their departure. Unlike in the movie, I will not cut directly to the departure but I'll have another scene there but... you'll see all of it in chapter 12 whenever that's out. The next chapter will feature Ali's storyline again. It's already been written a while ago so I hope I can get it posted by the end of the week.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Quote
Now this was a rather interesting chapter. We saw here certain scenes that really deepened Bron and Shorty’s backgrounds. I especially liked the flashback as we have seldom seen any scenes of Bron’s old life. His conversation with Grandpa was nicely written and it was a really good way to show how deeply he regrets the choices he made in those days. Also, his talk with Shorty and the beginning of his herd’s journey to the crater is one that showed just what kind of relationship they had had prior to the Bron’s reunion with his real son.

However, the beginning of the chapter really caught my eye. :sducky You don’t start with “Many years later” in case there have been several chapters since we last saw the plotline move forward. Also, the way you told what had happened was quite closely drawn from the film but it seemed to be too simple for this fic. Still, those are minor issues and I liked your characterizations of Bron and Shorty more than Ali’s, for example. In any case, nice job with this one. :)

The issue with the beginning is noted, thank you :)

I'm glad that my characterization of Bron and Shorty was convincing and that you liked the flashback.  :^^spike


Quote
This chapter has really gotten me excited for what's to come for Bron and Shorty's herd. You've really done a great job portraying him as a very effective leader who can protect and calm his herd whenever he needs to.

The flashback was very nicely done, too. It's too bad very few have written about what drove Bron to go on that journey that ultimately cost him his family life. Your version of the journey has left a lasting impression on me, and it clearly illustrates the remorse Bron feels about letting his family down and leaving him unsure if any of them are still alive, let alone his son.

I must agree with Sovereign in pointing out that the "Many years later" was very confusing. Furthermore, a few lines later, you said that it had been several months since the previous events of Bron and Shorty's story. Still, that didn't stop this chapter from hyping up the excitement and anticipation of future events. Good chapter. :)

Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked my version of these events  :^^spike

Quote
This was quite a lovely chapter that elaborated upon not only Bron and Shorty's relationship, but also on the history of Bron's initial quest. With regards to Shorty and Bron we have caught sight in this chapter of Shorty's budding bullying and mischievousness, but also of Bron's ability to (thus far) keep him in line and to understand some of his misbehavior. 

What really caught my attention, however, was the contrast between Bron's style of leadership and that of the Old One.  In Bron's leadership we see a more dynamic leadership style with distinct votes and an attempt to reconcile those who voted against the consensus once the vote is done.  I wonder how much of this is due to how his herd developed organically over time based upon his leadership as opposed to the Old One's more ossified leadership from (as of right now) unknown origins.  I suspect this dichotomy is going to be important going forward.

As for what the others said about the "many years later" beginning, I do have to agree that it was confusing at first.  Generally it is best to describe the timing of a scene relative to the prior one, even if the prior scene in question involved other characters.  That being said, in stories such as this where there are quite a few flashbacks and several instances of shifting back in forth it is sometimes difficult to avoid some confusion. This did not stop me from enjoying this chapter however. I look forward to seeing how things go from here.  :)

Thank you very much! I'm glad that you've enjoyed the chapter!

About the leadership comparison, it has little relevance to the events of the story but it is just part of my characterization of Old One and Bron and their respective herds. Also, I guess you could say it shines a little light on the characters of Ali and Shorty and how they developed within their respective environments  :olittlefoot


Quote
I have to agree with the others regarding the "many years later" timeskip being confusing, because the last chapter was from Ali's POV and thus present day, which made the relative timeskip seem off. But once I remembered where Bron's segment left off, all was good anyway. :P

That said, the way that Bron left his family to hunt for the valley because of Littlefoot's grandparents is harsh and ironic in hindsight. I really did like it.

Thanks for the review, I'm glad that you liked the developments :D As I've already said, the issue you and the others have mentioned will be fixed eventually when I have some time on my hands.  :^^spike
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on February 27, 2019, 03:10:59 PM
This was a pretty good retelling of this scene as it, as usual, deepened the conversation and the characters’ thoughts nicely. The slow buildup to this scene was handled well and it helped establish a rather good feeling in this offering. In terms of the plot, there is really not too much for me to add as it kinda is quite closely following the film. I must admit, it felt rather weird for the song to be simply skipped, even if you used a few lines from it. I understand that trying to incorporate it into the narrative would have been difficult but it felt like this scene lacked something. In any case, this chapter advanced the plot solidly which is the most important thing. :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on March 01, 2019, 09:27:01 AM
So, we have Littlefoot being the typical Littlefoot he is, trying so hard to get his friends to join him while they have no idea what to anticipate on this journey just ahead. To me, this simply felt just like a very common way of how he always tries to bring his friends along. Just another day ahead becomes one of excitement (for most of them), but now the cliffhanger is leaving us wondering if they're really going to tag along or stay behind.

You know, I think you did an okay job trying to make the scene as loyal to the movie as possible without using the song. I have to admit, "Adventuring," wasn't quite my favorite, especially after they began overusing that in the TV series. It does seem a bit strange reading how Littlefoot tries to encourage his friends to come along without breaking into song like they did in the movie, but I can't fault you for that. I'm not sure I could have been able to pull that off, either. This was quite a good effort in avoiding the use of the song.

This chapter honestly felt like it did a great job at building the excitement at the possibilities for the Gang. It'll be interesting to see where they go from here. :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on March 01, 2019, 01:22:21 PM
I actually think the omission of the song worked rather well here.  The interactions between the gang were handled effectively and I think their concerns about Littlefoot's upcoming journey were well-conveyed.  One part in particular made me laugh out loud though:

Quote
“So let me get this straight…” Cera, who had been silent thus far, perching on a rock, finally spoke up. “You’ve been having sleepstories so you’re going on an adventure but you don’t know when and you don’t know where and you don’t know why but you just sorta feel when it’s time to leave and then you and your grandparents will just sorta wander off.” The words came in such quick succession that Littlefoot had a hard time keeping up with them. “Is that it?”

This is classic Cera and, to be honest from a rational point of view, she has a very good point.  Most of us in the modern world would not consider wandering off to a place unknown due to a dream would be a good idea.  :p I do like how she does, in her own way, wishes him well however.  I don't really have much else to say about this chapter but I think it treated the source material quite well considering the necessity of either working in or removing a song.  Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on March 12, 2019, 12:26:59 PM
Chapter 10: Ali vs Mother

At the break of dusk, the young longneck couldn’t hold it back any longer. No matter how much she hated to, she’d have to return to her nest. Of course her mother would be waiting, stern words, questioning, another fight approaching with the fierceness of a winter storm. Ali could already anticipate the outcome of this and it was frankly depressing. No matter what the girl appealed with, be it promises, an innocent look or her heartfelt and truest desires of her heart, her mother wouldn’t have an open ear for her daughter’s problems, all in the pretense of safety and those stuck up rules!

Ali kicked a tree angrily to make room for the anger which was gathering inside of her, ready to blow at any given point in time. It didn’t really help but the short pain from the impact momentarily helped to keep her thoughts in line.

As she headed back, she tried to remember the good times she once had. The first day at the Great Valley had been the best she’d ever had. She had gotten to explore such a wonderful place with such a friendly and funny longneck, for the first time having someone to play with. Ali still remembered what kind of joy she had felt that day, how it literally overwhelmed her, almost made her explode in happiness and excitement. She still remembered how hard it had been to fall asleep that day and how downcast she was to hear about her new friend’s grandfather falling sick. Though, in hindsight, their adventure following this event had strengthened their loose friendship. If anything forged and shaped friendships, it’s going through a lot of hardship together and succeeding through the fruits of collaboration and teamwork.

“How nice it would be going on an adventure with Littlefoot again, no the whole gang! Cera, Ducky, Petrie… and Spike. They all have become my friends as well!” It was true. While at first it had been just the duo of them, Littlefoot’s absence had called his bunch of unlikely friends to follow them and track them down, helping Littlefoot out of a tight situation with combined efforts (and Cera’s hardheadedness, Ali mused). It had been an amazing adventure overall and Ali would give so much to have another one. She’d cross the Big Water or a whole desert if it meant seeing them again… seeing him again…

Finally, her nest came into sight and of course her mother was waiting for her there, pacing up and down and clearly looking angry. Ali knew what was about to come but she’d had a whole afternoon to prepare for the inevitable continuation of this mornings’ quarrel…

“Here we go…” she thought gloomily, rolling her eyes one last time, taking another deep breath to calm her nerves… and then she stepped out of the foliage…

*

Ali’s mother couldn’t rest. Ali hadn’t returned to the nest and a quick glimpse at the orange skies told her that it was already nest time for the girl. It wasn’t unusual for Ali going off to who knows where for the whole day but rarely did she return this late. It was particularly frustrating having to wait for the girl, considering that there were a lot of unresolved matters left to address…

*

“I’m hooome!”

Ali didn’t even attempt to sneak back into the nest. She knew that she was in big trouble and she had a lot on her mind; she knew that she had nothing to lose and a lot to win here; she definitely was going to get what she wanted tonight and there was no giving in, not tonight…. not tonight.

“First you skip an important meeting, then you return late at home!”

There wasn’t even a greeting, her mother had gotten started right away, not giving her any space, but Ali knew how to proceed from here on.

“Welcome home, Ali…” she mumbled, rolling her eyes. Ali hated acting sassy but the current situation required unusual approaches… and, certainly, her mother had it coming after all she’d done to her. Tonight, she wouldn’t hold back, not tonight. She would speak her most honest mind regardless of the trouble she would get herself into… because Ali knew that whatever happened from now on, one way or another she would be going to meet Littlefoot. With- or without the herd… with- or without her mother.

“Ali this is inexcusable!”

“Did you hear me excuse? I certainly didn’t!” Ali’s voice was bitter when she said that. “It’s you who should apologize.”

“For making sure you’re growing up nice and safe? Don’t you dare change the topic, you will listen to me right now!”

“Like I can go anywhere…” Ali muttered. “Looks like I have no choice.” A bored look on her face, Ali grabbed some more treestars off a nearby tree regardless of how stuffed she already was and stoically endured the flood of words that were being shot at her though dodging them would be easy for the girl.

“Do you not know what a shame you are, Ali? It is your right and your duty to attend meetings! Don’t give me that look, there are a number of reasons why you have to attend these and we’ve discussed them all plenty of times! Old One is going to give me a lesson for it for sure when it is entirely not my fault when you are acting like a stupid rock! And now returning late too, what has gotten into you?! I think I should put an end to your mysterious adventures lest they take you somewhere it isn’t safe!”

Ali didn’t look up from her meal.

“ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!”

“I don’t know how to shut out what I hear so… yes I heard everything. Loud and clear.” Ali could see that her mother was slowly yelling herself into a mad rage while she herself forced herself to act cold and sassy. It was an act - much rather she’d yell back with everything she got but that wouldn’t get her anywhere, that much she knew. She didn’t like performing but an act was necessary to follow her dreams and get the information she wanted. Ali already knew that her mother wouldn’t tell her straightaway what was being discussed on the meeting (albeit she had a terrific guess) and what had been decided but if she talked her into a rage, she would become careless and let it slip. Or so she had calculated on the way. Besides, she had another ace in store… before her mother had collected any words to reply, the girl slowly added.

“Soooo, what did I miss anyway?”

“I am not telling!” Her mother shouted with a strict face on. “It’s not my fault that you didn’t go!”

“It must have been about this stupid sleepstory thing, right?” The twitch in her mother’s expression told her that she’d hit the mark. “So you’ve been discussing…”

“Don’t change the topic Ali…”

“I didn’t see any preparations to move out of here. Does that mean we’re not…”

“NO WE ARE NOT GOING!” Ali’s mother roared angrily. “And you are not going anywhere either until you learn to respect your mother and our herd’s rules!!!”

“Oh, so I was right,” Ali stated, shrugging. “I knew Old One wasn’t gutsy but even I thought she’d give in to that sense of adventure we are all feeling all the time. Lame…”

“It is not lame, young lady, it’s ensuring our safety...  IT IS ENSURING YOUR SAFETY!!!”

“Whatever you say…” Ali had heard all of these arguments many times over and they had long since lost their power. Safety here, herd there, what really mattered was that she was suffering and that her mother was too blind to see that. But it wasn’t the right moment yet to blow up, not yet…

“You’re not trying to change my mind? Oh that’s amusing! Did Miss Snarky finally regain her senses?!”

“Now!” Ali had waited for a provocation like this. It was finally time to reveal the full extend of what she was feeling deep down inside. Emotions had been seething and swirling inside her and now they had heated her enough for them to spray out like a geysir of ultra hot steam and water. There was nothing holding Ali back anymore.

“I’VE BEEN TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, MANY TIMES!!!” Ali screamed all of a sudden, making a perfect switch from calm and indifferent to uncontained anger. “HAVE YOU EVER. TRULY. LISTENED TO ME MUM? HAVE YOU?”

“Oh you mean all that nonsense about meeting that boy? Please spare me with such irrelevant childish stuff, it’s about time you start to learn some maturity and learn to listen to your brain, your elders and your common sense and not what your gut is telling you!”

Ali panted. Tears, tears of rage, tears of disappointment were flowing from her blue eyes. How dare she insult her on such a level? Ali had never intended for the argument to become this personal but now there was no turning back. Ali would be fighting for what she believed to be right!

“You do not understand…” Ali said ever so quietly.

“Oh, I think I understand plenty young lady! Get that boy out of your bulky head right now!”

“YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!” A shower of leaves was raining down onto them as Ali raised her voice above that of her mother. “YOU!!! You don’t know ANYTHING about me!!! NOTHING!!! You are blinded by Old One and her crappy nonsense!!!” Ali toned down her voice significantly for her next words as sobs were breaking through her screams of anger. “You have NO idea how I feel, are you too blind to see that I am suffering?!”

“Don’t yell at me like that!”

“YOU YELLED AT ME FIRST!!!”

“ALI BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!”

“Oh forget about it, you’re too stupid to understand what it means to be lonely…”

“E-EXCUSE ME?!”

“Don’t you know how much it hurts t-to be all alone all day with n-n-no one to play with, to have FUN with? Don’t you know how TERRIBLE I feel?!”

“Frankly Ali, you’re well advised to stop complaining about every whimsical little thing you don’t agree with! That’s not how life works; life is never in your favor, remember that!”

“OH WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?” Ali couldn’t decide whether to collapse in her misery or whether to keep up with the stupidity and blatant ignorance she was tasked to endure, however hard it was. There wasn’t a single part of her face not covered in her thick tears and it was becoming harder and harder by the second to keep her anger fueled stronger than the abysmal disappointment which was growing like cancer inside of her, choking her like the thick smoke from a forest fire. Just how much more could she take? Maybe she should just run away! But to leave things unresolved? At least she wanted to try convincing her however unlikely it was.

“Just once would you listen to me?! Just once would you care about me!?”

“I do listen to your idiocy right now, is that not enough? I care enough to try and lecture you about it. You need to get the picture, young lady, that this is not how you achieve things in life! You don’t survive with this attitude!”

“SEE!? SEE!?” Ali was boiling. “YOU ARE NOT LISTENING AT ALL!!! ALL YOU DO IS…”

“Hold it right there young lady or you’ll regret it!”

Ali glared at the grown-up with tear-stained eyes. “All you d-do is r-r-ruin my l-l-life!!! You d-don’t…. understand!!!”

“I do understand what sadness and loneliness feels like, Ali…” suddenly the voice of the adult became strangely distant and almost soft. “Do you not think it makes me lonely everyday to raise you all alone? Without your father who died so tragically because we weren’t safe? Would that perhaps change your mindset a little bit? I couldn’t bear losing you too so I took every measure to ensure that you are always well protected.”

“Liar.” Ali’s composure steadied somewhat. “You’re just stubborn, trying to get your point across and you’re trying to ruin my life!”

“That. Is. Not. True!” the grown-up panted. “I am trying to teach you the mindset you need to survive, you stupid girl! What good does it do if you live nicely and then a sharptooth eats you!?”

“AT LEAST I WOULD HAVE HAD A GOOD LIFE THEN!!!” Ali screamed, her rage refueled to the max, words flowing without much of a thought. “I’D RATHER DIE TRYING TO FOLLOW THE SLEEPSTORIES THAN TO CONTINUE LIVING HERE!!!” A little quieter but still  screaming, she continued to elaborate. “Living here is like being a scaly swimmer in a small pond that’s slowly drying up!!! It SUCKS!!! It sucks all life out of me and that’s not how I want to live my life okay?!”

“This just proves that your thinking is still that of a little child, Ali. I just cannot take that idiotic thinking serious.”

“ARE YOU STUPID?!”

“I’D RATHER NOT BE DEAD JUST BECAUSE I’VE GOT A RANDOM FEELING INSIDE OF ME!!! DON’T you realize how SILLY that even is!?”

“YOU’RE FEELING IT TOO! You and Old One… No, EVERYONE in this stinking herd, you are all just stinking cowards, THAT’S what you are!!!”

“Leave Old One out of this or you will regret this, young lady!”

“You KNOW what this feeling means! EVERYONE is feeling it and EVERYONE has to go to that place from our sleepstories!!!”

“YOU only want to go because of your childish fantasies! Thinking that you’ll meet that Littlefoot boy… DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS THAT IS!?”

Ali’s eyes twitched. Her mother had just ventured on another level of personal attack entirely, one that's hurting like the stab of a knife.

“Do you not know how ridiculous you all are?” Ali’s voice was suddenly calm but deep inside she was falling apart. “He had the answer, the answer how to be safe! There is only so much safety the herd can give me, we still lose members to sharpteeth despite our numbers no matter how hard everyone is trying! The Valley has high numbers as well but it has other defenses which keep sharpteeth from attacking!”

“Oh, you don’t say?” There was an obvious mocking undertone to her voice now; Ali wanted to kick her mother but she knew it would achieve nothing.

“The Great Valley has walls that protect them but even more so the reputation it has! There, dinosaurs of all kinds are living together in harmony! No sharptooth has managed to kill inside the Valley for as long as we remember because they are working together, because they don’t have a freak as leader and plenty of dumb idiots who don’t see the forest behind all those trees!!!”

“Ali that’s enough, one more insult and I will…”

“Call Old One? Go ahead, it won’t change anything.”

“ALI!!!”

“You can’t keep me locked up while we’re not moving around and you know it,” Ali said quietly, trying to calm down in the hope that it’d help convincing her mother just a little bit. “As I said, the Valley is where it is safe for me. This herd doesn’t give me a future, nor a childhood I can enjoy. During the brief time we were there, for the first time ever I was happy, I had friends! Why are you trying so hard to take all of that away from me!?”

“Girl, do you honestly believe we would share this Valley with those disgusting non-longnecks? Do you honestly believe some walls keep a sharptooth away? Do you honestly think we’d allow you to play with someone who lured you on an adventure to the Land of Mists which should have killed you if it weren’t for blatant luck?! How stupid do you think I am?!”

“Very.” Ali said that out loud.

“ALI, YOU BAD-MANNERED GIRL!!!”

“You know nothing about them, you don’t know what they’re even like and yet you judge them badly? How idiotic!”

“They’re different and dangerous!!!”

“Dangerous? They’re eating leaves too! Just because they look different and have other traditions doesn’t mean they’ll kill you on sight!”

“It’s pointless to change my mind, you’re biased and too young to understand this!”

“And you’re too old to understand me!!!” Rage was slowing mingling with her words again.

“This Littlefoot boy has been a terrible influence on you, I wish we’d never set foot on that stupid Great V…”

Something inside Ali snapped at that moment. She didn’t know whether she was crying harder than she was yelling but either way her mother had crossed a line she should have never crossed and at that moment Ali gave up.

“SHUT UP!!! YOU KNOW NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!!”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!!!”

“NO!!!”

“YOU ARE NOT TO LEAVE THE NEST ANYMORE, YOU HEAR ME?!”

“I DON’T STINKING CARE!!!”

“FINE!!!”

Both mother and daughter were facing each other and the tension between them was more than tangible; one could literally see the air around them glimmer from their emotions.

“I will report this inexcusable behavior of yours, don’t even think you are getting away with this crap, Ali.”

“DO WHAT YOU WANT, I’M NOT LISTENING TO YOUR NONSENSE ANYMORE!!!”

“ALIIIII!!!!”

“BLA BLA BLA!!!”

“QUIT THIS ATTITUDE OF YOURS RIGHT HERE!!!”

“NO!!!” Ali wasn’t thinking anymore, she had never been this angry in her life. Her mind was full of hate and before she knew it, words slipped from her mouth, words she should have never said.

“I WILL NO LONGER LISTEN TO YOU!!! YOU ARE CONTROLLING ME; THE HERD IS CONTROLLING ME; I’M NOT YOUR STINKING PUPPET, YOU HEAR THAT?! I’M DONE WITH YOU!!! FROM NOW ON I’LL DO WHAT I WANT!!!”

“YOU WON’T!!! YOU ARE STAYING RIGHT HERE!!!”

Ali made attempts to walk away but her mother blocked her path.

“I’M NOT!!! TRY MAKING ME!!!”

“ALI YOU INSUFFERABLE GIRL!!!”

“WHY SHOULD I STAY?! YOU DON’T LOVE ME LIKE A MOTHER WOULD!!! YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER, I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU HEAR THAT, I HAAAAAAAAATTEEEEEEEEE YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!”

Suddenly, Ali’s mother stopped resisting. The girl swiftly passed under her mother’s legs and ran for the forest.

“I DO NOT EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, NEVER EVER!!!!” she cried and no sooner than she had said these words, Ali had disappeared in the darkness...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Take a deep breath, this was intense after all :P

So... snap. That argument completely escalated huh? If you think Ali is out of character here, just try to get into her mindset and take the circumstances in this story into consideration. What Ali is facing may not seem too bad to an outsider but the girl is breaking apart from loneliness and the stiff and rigid herd she lives with which also influences her mother to a point where she cares more about the herd than her own daughter, a mistake she is going to regret very soon. I hope you enjoyed the intense fight :)

Oh and one more thing before I forget. I deliberately didn't break up the dialogue more than absolutely necessary since it is rather obvious who is speaking at all times here. Also, feelings during this fight needn't any further explanation I think, their words speak loud enough :D


________________________________________________________________________________________________

 
Quote
This was a pretty good retelling of this scene as it, as usual, deepened the conversation and the characters’ thoughts nicely. The slow buildup to this scene was handled well and it helped establish a rather good feeling in this offering. In terms of the plot, there is really not too much for me to add as it kinda is quite closely following the film. I must admit, it felt rather weird for the song to be simply skipped, even if you used a few lines from it. I understand that trying to incorporate it into the narrative would have been difficult but it felt like this scene lacked something. In any case, this chapter advanced the plot solidly which is the most important thing. :)
Thank you very much :)

I too would have liked to include it but I just couldn't make it work in a way that I felt confident with. I couldn't have uploaded any of my attempts at writing this, I have a certain expectation of myself by now, at least the writing needs to be decent enough that it doesn't make me cringe reading through it again  :^^spike

I'm glad that the rest of the narrative convinced, hope you'll like what I have planned for Littlefoot's story which is not quite just a retelling of the movie either though it will obviously include those scenes. :)


Quote
So, we have Littlefoot being the typical Littlefoot he is, trying so hard to get his friends to join him while they have no idea what to anticipate on this journey just ahead. To me, this simply felt just like a very common way of how he always tries to bring his friends along. Just another day ahead becomes one of excitement (for most of them), but now the cliffhanger is leaving us wondering if they're really going to tag along or stay behind.

You know, I think you did an okay job trying to make the scene as loyal to the movie as possible without using the song. I have to admit, "Adventuring," wasn't quite my favorite, especially after they began overusing that in the TV series. It does seem a bit strange reading how Littlefoot tries to encourage his friends to come along without breaking into song like they did in the movie, but I can't fault you for that. I'm not sure I could have been able to pull that off, either. This was quite a good effort in avoiding the use of the song.

This chapter honestly felt like it did a great job at building the excitement at the possibilities for the Gang. It'll be interesting to see where they go from here. :)

Thank you very much!

Yeah, Littlefoot is being Littlefoot here indeed, couldn't have said it better and you know me: Rarely a chapter without a good cliffhanger :) Glad you didn't mind the lack of the song too much, was a little worried about that  :sducky


Quote
I actually think the omission of the song worked rather well here.  The interactions between the gang were handled effectively and I think their concerns about Littlefoot's upcoming journey were well-conveyed.  One part in particular made me laugh out loud though:

Quote
“So let me get this straight…” Cera, who had been silent thus far, perching on a rock, finally spoke up. “You’ve been having sleepstories so you’re going on an adventure but you don’t know when and you don’t know where and you don’t know why but you just sorta feel when it’s time to leave and then you and your grandparents will just sorta wander off.” The words came in such quick succession that Littlefoot had a hard time keeping up with them. “Is that it?”

This is classic Cera and, to be honest from a rational point of view, she has a very good point.  Most of us in the modern world would not consider wandering off to a place unknown due to a dream would be a good idea.  :p I do like how she does, in her own way, wishes him well however.  I don't really have much else to say about this chapter but I think it treated the source material quite well considering the necessity of either working in or removing a song.  Keep up the good work!

Thank you! :)

That quote you mentioned is actually taken straight from the movie, maybe that is why it feels so Cera-esque? :P Either way, I'm really glad you liked my version if this scene, yep yep yep!
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on March 14, 2019, 04:06:10 PM
Ali, you’re seriously getting on my nerves. :anger Not only is her case here extremely weak but pretty much every part of her comments and behavior is really inexcusable. Yes, she might miss Littlefoot and her mother might not be too understanding or caring of her worries but even then, the latter’s behavior is borderline maddening. Not only does she show complete disregard to those who have helped her and kept her safe but she also doesn’t seem to understand the threats of the world at all and why she shouldn’t disregard her kind’s wisdoms. I really despised her in this chapter which isn’t something I often do while reading fics.

But even after that rant, my reactions are most likely a testament to the way you’ve portrayed the emotions here and the way you’ve managed to make them believable to the reader. As far as I can remember, these scenes weren’t nearly as elaborated in the original story so this is a welcome change. However, I wonder if my opinion of Ali will recover anytime soon. :p
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on March 14, 2019, 07:50:22 PM
OMG! :opetrie Ali must be completely out of her mind! This whole chapter was just complete outrage (not in a way that upset me or anything, but seriously, the character interactions just completely boiled over). You almost can't help but feel sorry for Ali because of how, in her mind, her mother just doesn't understand her troubles, but she has taken a big gamble. She has no idea what's coming to her, and she doesn't seem to care. I don't even know who I'd side with in this situation. If I were one of those Longnecks overhearing that dreadful conversation, I wouldn't know what to do. I'd feel completely lost. Part of me wants to lash out at Ali for her disregard for the world around her, but part of me wants to hold back, as if that's going to do any good since no one is going to take her seriously, it seems.

So, just as I predicted, Ali has reached her boiling point, and I can't even begin to describe how I feel about her in this story right now. She has become quite a nuisance in the eyes of those who know her, and I don't even know where her gamble is going to take her next ...
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on March 22, 2019, 02:50:15 AM
And now what has been building for quite some time has finally manifested itself into quite an emotional argument.  Though not entirely rational, when the usual excesses of young hormones combines with a home life that can hardly be called optimal, an irrational outburst is the inevitable result. That being said I do believe that Ali will be in for a rude awakening if she parts from those who have provided her protection and security for all of these years.  Though, having seen the original fic, I think we all know that this is a lesson she will have to learn the hard way. In fact, that is kind of the plot.  :p

I will not say this was the easiest read, and it certainly did not portray Ali in the most sympathetic light in my perspective, but you did capture of the emotions of the moment very well.  This was the eruption of the building tsunami, emotionally speaking, and a point of no return. From here Ali's situation is certainly going to pivot.  :yes
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on July 06, 2019, 02:40:06 PM
Oh crap, it's been like 3 months already?  :facepalm

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 11: Departure

In the next morning, just before sunrise, Bron stood in front of his entire herd.

“Listen everyone, starting today, we’re trading our peaceful everyday lives for the excitement and hardships of the great adventure we’re about to embark on. I can’t wait to see what’s awaiting us at the end of our journey! Let’s go!”

Many days had passed on since then. Their warm and humid lands soon left behind, they travelled wide and seemingly never-ending, lush grasslands which provided them with enough food to further stock up their reserves for harsh times which would surely come to haunt them, considering that their instincts were leading them straight towards the lands they had once escaped from many years ago.

Soon, the grasslands were getting drier and drier until the unforgiving heat of the deserts was engulfing them on their daily travels. Shorty was forcefully reminded of the time when the Land of Daily Skywater hadn't been his home yet as his glance cast over the hostile landscape, remembering how Bron had found him - without protection and starving. He remembered those harsh times when he often had to get on without anything to eat or to drink for a long time, when he could never know which day would be his last. The green coloured boy would rather not think back to those dark times yet he couldn’t completely block these memories whenever they arose from the depths of his mind. Definitely, though, the worst thing about this whole adventure was the fact that he no longer had regular meals.

"Bron?" Shorty questioned. "How long will we have to walk until we’ll have food again? I hate to be hungry!"

"I can't tell you," Bron answered honestly as he overlooked the flat and rocky landscape. "I have no clue where our destination is and if there's any food on our way. But I'll know when we've found it." A small smile flashed across his face.

"You’ve gotta know where we are, don't you?" Shorty inquired in an attempt to dig deeper. Personally, he had no clue even though he’d certainly wandered far and wide during his young years.

"Well, I know where we are right now but, since I don't know where we're heading, I can't give an answer, sorry,” Bron replied with an apologetic gesture. “I merely know the general direction we’re headed to, you see?”

"So the place’s gotta be somewhere you've never been yet?" Shorty concluded.

"I believe so,” Bron said, looking around. “I honestly can't remember walking in that direction ever before."

"Ohh..." Shorty sighed, apparently concerned.

"Well, going on an adventure does mean to wander to unknown lands and to master dangers,” Bron explained and chuckled when he took sight of Shorty’s worried glance. “Though the dangers for the herd aren't that big because of our sheer numbers. No sharptooth would dare to attack us, a herd this big, even if they’re desperate. Though, bigger groups of them might be a threat and there’s always the odd bad guy sneaking around, hoping to catch one of us off-guard. But don't worry, I know what I’m doing." Bron gave another smile.

Shorty remembered how Bron once outfought four fully grown sharpteeth on his own and, immediately, he felt a little more secure.

"I feel safe being with you, Bron," Shorty exclaimed which caused Bron’s smile to grow even broader.

"Yes, you are perfectly safe with me around,” Bron boasted in a silly manner, however it didn’t last very long. “You know, there are also dangers nobody can outfight though. Any come to your mind, Shorty?" The boy quickly considered.

"Does not finding any food count as a catastrophe?" Shorty responded eventually in a half silly half serious manner.

"Can't you stop thinking about food?" Bron asked and rolled his eyes in amusement. "I'm talking about earthshakes, smoking mountains and bad weather.”

“Oh, I see,” Shorty said, listening intently as Bron carried on.

“We can't do anything against earthshakes because they just happen without any announcement whatsoever. All you can do is be on alert and get away from anything that might collapse onto you and be wary of cracks opening underneath your feet without warning…” Bron gave an unnaturally pained sigh before continuing.

“Smoking mountains can be avoided. However, not every smoking mountain is smoking all the time. Many look just like any mountain but they might just blow when we least expect it so never underestimate that danger, Shorty. It’s usually best to keep your distance if you are certain you’re dealing with one of those which is sometimes time consuming but it might just come to save your life if you’re at the wrong place at the wrong time. Therefore, if we happen to come across one, we'll never go straight forward.”

“Makes sense,” Shorty commented, looking around for any suspicious mountains but, of course, there weren’t any in this flat desert.

“There are usually signs for bad weather but we can't really dodge it since it usually covers big areas,” Bron finished his explanation. “You just have to know how to read the sky and the sky puffies floating across.”

“You can do such a thing?!” Shorty burst out, surprised.

“Haha, well, I’m an amateur in that regard,” Bron admitted. “But when I was a kid like you, there was this old guy in my herd who was able to tell quite precisely what the weather was going to be like. It takes a lifetime to notice patterns in the sky, I suppose. Personally, I’m happy if I can tell that bad weather is coming or going.”

“Does this heat count as bad weather?” the boy inquired. “It kills all the food after all…”

“There you go again…” Bron sighed. “Thinking about food again…”

"I don't think about food all the time!" Shorty retorted.

"You won't starve, trust me," Bron snickered. "You're eating for two anyway so it'll probably last until we find something to snack on."

Shorty still wasn't completely convinced by Bron's speech.

“So do you know any place that might have food?” he asked, ignoring Bron’s unamused glance.

"Well, I know a small valley a few days from here. It'd be a big detour, unfortunately."

"Maybe we'll meet more longnecks there?" Shorty piped up hopefully. A bit quieter, he added. “And food…”

"Maybe... I'll ask the herd in the evening whether to walk the long way to have a snack or to take the straight way."

"Okay, sounds good," Shorty replied, falling silent for the rest of the day.

*

In the evening, Bron called the herd to make the announcement.

“Listen everyone, right now we have two options where to go! The instincts are leading us straight through the endless deserts and I don’t know how far we have to walk until there’ll be something to eat. A few days from here, there’s a small valley at the edge of some mountains which should hopefully still be green. If it’s in the favor of the herd, we could wander there to refill our energy and rest for a day, however this would cost us a few days. Since we don’t know when the big event will happen, we’d risk missing it, however there’s also no guarantee that we’ll find any food if we just keep on walking the straight way!”

Murmurs quickly spread among the herd and Bron waited patiently for their voices to subside.

“It’s a decision I can’t make alone so I’m letting you decide. Give it some thought and, when you’re ready, we’ll vote!”

“Bron?” As wild chatter broke out, Shorty approached the tall longneck.

“Yes, Shorty?” Bron replied, lowering his head to be more on eye level with the boy. “What happens if there’s no clear majority in the vote? Would we end up splitting up?” Shorty asked with some concern.

Bron gave him a bemused glance.

“What makes you think we’d split up? We’ve always found a solution to our problems, haven’t we?”

“That’s true but…” Shorty fuddled around. “What will you be voting for? You’ll want to reach that place as fast as we can, right?”

“Preferably, yes,” Bron admitted, his thoughts clearly conflicted. “But, you see, I also don’t want to endanger the herd unnecessarily. I really can’t make up my mind…”

“Well, it’s a no-brainer for me,” Shorty declared.

“No doubt,” Bron laughed.

A little later, the discussions died down and Bron commenced the voting. Shorty cried out with delight when he realized that the majority was leaning towards visiting the valley.

“Well, it’s decided then!” Bron declared. “We’re taking the longer way, however I expect you to walk with more speed to make up for the detour.” Some grunts could be heard but, largely, the longnecks of Bron’s herd understood the necessity of his inquiry.

“Rest now, we’ll walk into the night tomorrow to cut down the journey there to a minimum.”

While everyone began to settle down, Bron still had something on his mind and so had Shorty.

“You know what worries me, Shorty?”

“Hmm?” Shorty replied. “Aside from taking longer to get there, you mean?”

“Yeah… you see, with how much the land has been changing, there’s no guarantee that we’ll actually find food there. I’m just assuming there will be food because there used to be…”

“You’re telling me this now? Bron, I’m hungry!” Shorty ranted.

“Don’t worry, I doubt such a large place dries up within a couple years,” Bron quickly amended. “I was just considering the possibility that we mightn’t find the lush and green place it once was… just as it is with so many places on this world. We’ve got to be even more grateful to have such a lush and green home to return to whenever this adventure is over. Not everyone is this lucky after all…” Bron cast a serene look over his herd before he gave a deep sigh. “Oh well, let’s rest ourselves. We’ll have a long walk ahead of us again.

“Alright, good night, Bron,” Shorty said, allowing the tiredness of the day to catch up to him.

“Yes, good night,” Bron replied, lying down as well though it’d take him a while before he’d find sleep that night.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Littlefoot rested for a moment, catching his breath. His grandparents were surprisingly adept at climbing the steep path that led out of the Great Valley, leaving him rather breathless as he tried to keep up with his short legs. Finally, as he stopped to turn around and look back, he had some time to go through the conversation again he’d had just a moment ago…

*

“Littlefoot… it’s time to go.”

The boy looked at the small head poking out between a few trees, his expression aghast.

“G-grandpa, so soon?” he questioned as the large body of his grandfather found a way to squeeze through the trees and emerge at full from the foliage.

“Yes, Littlefoot, we’ve got to get going. Come along.”

Littlefoot whirled around to face his friends who wore uncertain expressions. If he didn’t speak up now, they’d have to separate for a very long time and Littlefoot was well aware of it. Gathering up all his courage, he inquired.

“Grandpa, may I ask…”

“I know what you’re on to, Littlefoot.” Suddenly, the foliage shook once more, Grandma Longneck joining the scene. “We cannot take them with us, Littlefoot. I’m sure you understand…”

Littlefoot’s gaze flickered back and forth between his grandparents and his friends and the conflict was back up. He didn’t want to leave his friends and the Valley behind but there was also no way he could resist the temptation to go and find out what the sleepstories were trying to tell him. Wasn’t there a solution? Why couldn’t they just all go along? His family, the threehorns, the swimmers, the flyers… yes why couldn’t they…

“The answer will be no, Littlefoot,” his grandfather cemented the statement, offering an apologetic look. “Putting aside the issue of getting their parents’ permission, I surmise this may be a matter only concerning us longnecks.”

“Come to the nest soon, okay? Say goodbye to your friends,” Grandma proposed with an apologetic smile. “We’ll return to the Great Valley once our adventure will be over, don’t worry.”

“Y-yeah…” Littlefoot said quietly as the realization dawned on him that he wouldn’t get to travel with his friends. “I’ll be there in a moment…”

*

And now, a few hours later, as the afternoon sun shone brightly from a clear sky, he couldn’t wish for anything but for his friends to tag along. Albeit he knew that the separation wouldn’t last forever and the good-bye was temporary, it still hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Not seeing his friends for so long would surely leave a hole in his young heart and the company of his grandparents would hardly be enough to make up for it. Only the promise of a great adventure helped to dampen his depression a bit. One last time, he looked back at the Great Valley, that beautiful, green paradise he could call home and, as he roamed the area with seeking eyes, he managed to spot four small dots in the distance, sitting on a rock and gazing in his direction.

“Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike… I’ll miss you guys…” A single tear fell from his eyes with a heavy sigh before he sauntered up and continued to go after his grandparents whose tails were about to be out of sight. There was no point in sulking over it for there was nothing he could change. The best option now was to accept the situation and make the best out of it. At the very least, he’d have a lot to tell his friends whenever he’d see them again. Yes, that thought put him a little at ease. Lots of wonderful, dangerous things were awaiting him and he couldn’t wait for their adventure to start.

“Grandma, Grandpa, wait for me!” he called as he raced after them.

*

“Hey look, there he is!” Ducky exclaimed. Along with Spike, Cera and Petrie, she was resting on a large boulder from where they could keep an eye on the path leading out of the Valley.

“Take a good look now, you won’t be able to see him for a fair while!” Cera grunted as her glance went far into the distance. If only they didn’t have to separate… Cera wasn’t one to get sentimental about things but it still didn’t sit well with her at all...

*

Once Littlefoot’s grandparents had disappeared, the five friends were once again alone but gone was their spirit from earlier, the air around them feeling heavy and tense as everyone’s eyes were staring on Littlefoot’s back.

“That went well…” Cera’s dry comment was the first to break the thick silence, a hopeless attempt to sway the mood and distract from the fact that now was the moment they’d say good-bye to each other for who knew how long?

Littlefoot uttered a loud sigh as his shoulders sacked in weary anticipation of the inevitable. Then he turned around to face the four dinosaurs who were always there, always around to play and have fun. He felt utterly bad for trading their daily routines with an adventure which only he would get to experience while the others would be left behind and he dreaded to hear their last words before the long separation.

“Guys…” he began and yet he didn’t know what to say, looking down, fidgeting around.

“Geez…” Cera sighed. “Let’s just get this over with!”

“Littlefoot, I will miss you a lot, y-yes I w-will!” Ducky began, thrusting her little body towards the longneck until she was hugging him with heavy sobs rattling the swimmer. Serenely, Littlefoot nuzzled her without saying anything.

“Li-hittlefooooot!!!” Petrie cried as he, too, charged towards the longneck, clumsily crashing into his neck and clinging onto it in a rather desperate hug.

“Iiiiieeeeeehhh!!!” Spike exclaimed, walking up to the longneck and licking him across the face with a sad look on his face.

“T-thank you guys…” Littlefoot said as he fought against some tears forming in the corner of his eyes. “I will miss you too and I wish we could all go together…”

“Y-you’d better come back soon!” was all Cera had to say as she awkwardly looked away.

“I’ll try,” Littlefoot said plainly.

“Promise that you will!” Cera barked, still not looking at the longneck.

“I don’t know where we’re going or when we’ll reach what we’re looking for so I can’t promise you but… I won’t be wasting any time to get back here.”

“You promise?” Petrie inquired.

“Do you?” Ducky said, finally letting go of Littlefoot to give him a begging, teary-eyed look.

“Iiiiieeeh?” Spike wondered and, although the meaning of his words was unknown, everybody understood.

“I promise you that much,” Littlefoot declared though he couldn’t quite work up a smile.

“Good, and don’t you dare to break that one…” Cera warned though there was no toughness behind her words at all, sounding more like she was begging.

“Don’t worry, Cera,” Littlefoot stated before his head began to droop. “W-well, I-I’ll go now…” he said and, finally, he allowed his tears to flow freely all over his face. “S-see you…”

“Please no go…” Petrie begged but he suddenly felt Ducky’s tiny hand squeeze his own.

“Oh Littlefoot…” the swimmer sobbed. “S-stay safe!”

“A-hum!” Spike nodded, licking Littlefoot one last time.

“Humpff!” Cera simply grumbled as she looked away.

“Well… bye…”

Littlefoot turned around and left, audibly sobbing as he did so. Petrie’s and Ducky’s quiet cries didn’t leave his ears before crossing a whole forest and he took a few detours before he’d finally meet up with his grandparents…

*

In hindsight, Cera regretted sending her best friend off harsh like that but, even in situations like this, she couldn’t bring herself to show her feelings quite as much as she wanted to. She hated Littlefoot to some degree and yet she felt like crying when she thought about not seeing him for such a long time.

Ducky, Petrie and Spike had stopped crying after a while but their faces spoke more than thousand words and their momentary excitement about spotting Littlefoot in the distance soon turned into sadness once more.

“Me miss him already…” Petrie said weakly.

“I still wonder where he is going to go…” Ducky hypothesized with a downcast expression.

“Gah, who’d wanna go on an adventure with a bunch of longnecks anyway!” Cera shouted in annoyance for she didn’t know what else to say anymore. She just didn’t know anymore so, grumpily, she took her leave.

Ducky, Petrie and Spike were exchanging uneasy glances.

“Me would…” Petrie said quietly, looking down.

“Mmh hmm…” Ducky nodded and so did Spike. How were they supposed to carry on without Littlefoot? They just didn’t know...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Later that night, Ali stood at the outskirts of the small valley, looking back at it with a grim expression. The fight with her mother was still fresh and her anger wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. She had made up her mind and there was no turning back now. With great resolve, fueled by both her hate and disappointment about her herd, their leader and her own mother as well as the yearning she felt for Littlefoot and his friends, she stepped into the open, following a mysterious hunch and choosing directions fully trusting this odd feeling, allowing the sleepstories to guide her towards her unknown destination which would hopefully lead her towards the place where Littlefoot would be…

“Littlefoot, I’m coming!”

*

What had been nothing but a mild fear turned into cruel certainty on the next morning. Ali’s mother had thought about it a lot that night for she couldn’t close her eyes after the intense fight with her daughter and all the mean things they had thrown at each other. She wanted to find a way to make up with Ali and find back to a path they could both walk without constantly fighting for she never wanted the only dinosaur she could still call family to scream “I hate you” at her.

But now that dinosaur was gone. Nowhere to find. When she woke up early in the morning, Ali hadn’t been with her. She’d soon gone to check out that hidden spot where she’d often hang out as well… but Ali hadn’t been there.

Did Ali run away? Was she just hiding? Ali… just where had she gone? Surely she wouldn’t have… run away? Ali wouldn’t be that stupid… or would she?

*

With lots of determination in spite of the short night, Ali travelled towards the north, crossing an unforgiving desert but, thanks to years of migration with her herd, she was used to these conditions and knew how to work with them - although this was the first time going solo. There would be nobody to carry her if her legs went tired and nobody to offer shade in the burning afternoon heat but Ali remained positive that she’d be able to cross this desert in a few days and that her intuitive feeling would also lead her towards water and food whenever some was nearby. Right now, there was nothing but a flat basin, the air wobbling from the heat, the mountains they came from only faintly visible when she cast a look behind. Nothing but wasteland upon wasteland could be seen ahead but Ali had faith in her sleepstories, the image of meeting Littlefoot giving her strength to push her little legs further and further until she would finally be able to embrace her friends again.

*

Ali’s mother had asked around all day whether fellow herd members had seen Ali but none of them could raise her hopes. Lastly, as the day hit evening and the Bright Circle prepared to disappear, she had no choice but to approach Old One about it.

“Mighty leader, may I request your assistance?” she questioned when she’d finally found the old longneck. Old One seemed a little disgruntled.

“First of all, where has your little one been the other day when we held that meeting? It is outrageous behavior!” Old One blurted out, penetrating the younger longneck with a fierce stare.

“Ali alone is to blame for that,” she mumbled quietly. More confident, anger at her daughter resurfacing, she explained. “That little girl has been doing nothing but disobey me lately. Ever since the sleepstories began, it’s particularly bad and I don’t know what to do anymore…”

“As a parent, you are responsible for her actions so you will take the full blame upon yourself, is that clear?” Old One demanded with a fierce stare.

“Yes but… listen Old One…”

“Is that clear?!” the old longneck insisted while stomping her foot.

“Yes…” Ali’s mother mumbled. “I can see why Ali hates her, can’t she just listen?!”

“You will face trial soon enough, now leave!”

“Listen Old One, I highly suspect that Ali has gone missing! We need to find her!” she shouted when Old One turned away from her. The old dinosaur froze in her motion, eyebrows twitching.

“We? I’m not your insolent daughter’s babysitter, go find her yourself!”

“But…”

“YOU are the parent here, YOU are responsible for your child!” Old One raged. “If she is gone, it is your duty to find her again. I have a herd to lead, I cannot attend to trifling matters like this!”

Trifling matters? Did Old One just really say that? Ali’s mother’s admiration for their glorious leader suddenly shrank faster than a puddle in the afternoon sun.

“If a herd member missing is a trifling matter to you then you aren’t fit to be a leader at all!” Those words slipped from her lips before she realized her mistake.

“Oh, is that so?” Old One sneered, her neck getting threateningly close to Ali’s mother as she hissed in a dangerous tone. “We took you in out of sheer mercy even though you are nothing but an insignificant being sharing our precious food. You are a threat to our society; you are thinking too much. Know that, from this day on, this place is no longer yours to roam. Begone, insolent fool, leave our lands at once and never dare to show yourself again!”

Ali’s mother stared at the old female in shock. Had she just seriously been banished her from the herd? Had she really fought to the bones with her daughter while defending that witch who didn’t even have an inkling of thought for her lost daughter? At that moment, something snapped.. Regret filled the emptiness of her mind even more so than her wrath at the old dinosaur. What had she done? She had lost everything. Her home, her herd, her family… all had been lost because of her mistakes. Chances were slim that Ali was still residing within the territory of Old One’s herd. If her anger from the previous day and her resolve had been thorough, if her intentions had been serious… then it was likely that Ali really did run away… from the herd, from Old One… and from her own mother.

“What have I done…” she mumbled while Old One mustered her with a sceptical glance. “I should have stayed at the Great Valley with her when she finally found friends... “ There were so many regrets floating around in her mind at that moment but it wasn’t the right moment to be having them in mind. What mattered most now was to find Ali again and save her before it was too late.

“Fine, I’ll be gone before dawn. Good riddance…” With a last frown at Old One, she turned around and left at a quick pace, heading back to her nest.

“I need to retrace the way she walked… I must find Ali!!!”

*

It was late in the evening when Ali finally stopped. Underneath a somewhat large boulder, the biggest landmark within miles, she finally collapsed after a march unlike any she had ever performed. She wanted to get as far away from her mother as she could, wanted to get as much distance between her and the herd she used to call a family lest they came after her to retrieve and punish her. Moreover, she wanted to reach Littlefoot as fast as she could and every day she spent in this hellish desert was a threat to her life. One could call the little girl delusional but she knew perfectly well what dangers she was dealing with, gambling with her very life in case a sharptooth found her, in case she wouldn’t find water, food or shelter, in case she’d get lost. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Ali knew she’d regret her decision soon but the pain, the anger and her disappointment were still too fresh to consider any other option but to keep going, keep pushing on until she’d reach her destination, wherever it may lie. Seeing Littlefoot again was worth going through hell, was worth risking her life for what worth did her life have if she continued to wither away, slowly, painfully?

“Littlefoot, we’ll definitely meet again, count on it!” With that in mind as she curled her exhausted body up, Ali eventually fell asleep. Would she be able to hold her promise though or would the unforgiving deserts break her will all too soon?

*

“I found it!!!”

Ali’s mother cried when she saw the little trails leading away from the small valley out into the open. She had spent half of the night running all around its borders in order to look for anything that might give her a hint where Ali might have gone. These footmarks were hers, there was no mistake. Though her discovery made her cry tears of joy, it also had a bitter taste to it. After all, Ali had been reckless enough to challenge the deserts all on her own. Her life was in danger!

“I must go after her immediately!!!” she thought but just as she was about to set off, she noticed the fatigue of not sleeping properly for two consecutive nights. “I guess I’d better rest until daybreak, Ali won’t be walking as fast as I do after all…” She quickly gobbled down two trees worth of leaves before lying down for the night, hoping that she’d reach her daughter on the next day…

Not daring to think the unthinkable yet.

________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Well, I had to combine three chapters into one here because none of them reached 2k words which has sort of evolved as a minimum chapter length for me. Quite conveniently, they all had a common theme which made naming this chapter a little easier  ;)Cera
We're entering the travelling arc now and, honestly speaking, it was super poor in the original. I'm struggling to fill the gaps with worthwhile content and make the journeys coherent and logical as well as exciting and interesting. Moreover, there's character development to be done. Here are my comment on the 3 separate parts of Shorty, Littlefoot and Ali, respectively.

Shorty: I actually used some of the old dialogue here with more or less significant changes to both language and content. There's one major change here plot-wise. Those who remember the old story might remember that Bron split the herd during that vote. In hindsight, I think it's just super... unneccessary. I came up with a much better plan that involves the herd staying together and Bron staying where the action is  :)littlefoot

Littlefoot: This is essentially what should have been covered by movie 10. I am a little disappointed about how they brushed off the separation between the five friends like it's no big deal. A regrettably short scene of sadness and it's all forgotten? I dedicated this chapter to the implementations of their separation from both Littlefoot's and his friends' perspective, yep yep yep!

Ali: So Ali really did run away, embarking on a dangerous journey all on her own while her mother realizes her brutal mistakes. There are significant changes to the old version of the story where Ali's mother ended up tagging along with Bron's herd when they arrived. Well, I thought of something good there  :)petrie


________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quote
Posted by: Sovereign
« on: March 14, 2019, 10:06:10 PM » Insert Quote
Ali, you’re seriously getting on my nerves. :anger Not only is her case here extremely weak but pretty much every part of her comments and behavior is really inexcusable. Yes, she might miss Littlefoot and her mother might not be too understanding or caring of her worries but even then, the latter’s behavior is borderline maddening. Not only does she show complete disregard to those who have helped her and kept her safe but she also doesn’t seem to understand the threats of the world at all and why she shouldn’t disregard her kind’s wisdoms. I really despised her in this chapter which isn’t something I often do while reading fics.

But even after that rant, my reactions are most likely a testament to the way you’ve portrayed the emotions here and the way you’ve managed to make them believable to the reader. As far as I can remember, these scenes weren’t nearly as elaborated in the original story so this is a welcome change. However, I wonder if my opinion of Ali will recover anytime soon. :p

Ali be like:  :PAli

The heat of the moment makes things escalate quite a lot further than a fight between parent and child ever should, true. Characters aren't always written to be likable (just look at Umbridge from Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy, are they bad characters because they're despicable). Ali surely doesn't act reasonable or smart here and it'll come back to haunt her soon. You do remember correctly, this is a lot more elaborated than the original version of this scene (it's also written completely from scratch)

I'm glad the emotions are believable though and I suppose they are also the reason behind that rant of yours  :PAli Thanks for your review as always :)


________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quote
Posted by: DiddyKF1
« on: March 15, 2019, 01:50:22 AM » Insert Quote
OMG! :opetrie Ali must be completely out of her mind! This whole chapter was just complete outrage (not in a way that upset me or anything, but seriously, the character interactions just completely boiled over). You almost can't help but feel sorry for Ali because of how, in her mind, her mother just doesn't understand her troubles, but she has taken a big gamble. She has no idea what's coming to her, and she doesn't seem to care. I don't even know who I'd side with in this situation. If I were one of those Longnecks overhearing that dreadful conversation, I wouldn't know what to do. I'd feel completely lost. Part of me wants to lash out at Ali for her disregard for the world around her, but part of me wants to hold back, as if that's going to do any good since no one is going to take her seriously, it seems.

So, just as I predicted, Ali has reached her boiling point, and I can't even begin to describe how I feel about her in this story right now. She has become quite a nuisance in the eyes of those who know her, and I don't even know where her gamble is going to take her next ...

Wow, that's quite a nice way to put it. The fight is the result of both Ali and her mother making mistakes and bottling up anger at each other due to mutual discord and misunderstandings until they snap and have a go like this. I hope you won't have to wait another 3 months to see where this is going but I'm sure you'll understand Ali a little better after a couple more chapters  :duckyhappy

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quote
And now what has been building for quite some time has finally manifested itself into quite an emotional argument.  Though not entirely rational, when the usual excesses of young hormones combines with a home life that can hardly be called optimal, an irrational outburst is the inevitable result. That being said I do believe that Ali will be in for a rude awakening if she parts from those who have provided her protection and security for all of these years.  Though, having seen the original fic, I think we all know that this is a lesson she will have to learn the hard way. In fact, that is kind of the plot.  :p

I will not say this was the easiest read, and it certainly did not portray Ali in the most sympathetic light in my perspective, but you did capture of the emotions of the moment very well.  This was the eruption of the building tsunami, emotionally speaking, and a point of no return. From here Ali's situation is certainly going to pivot.  :yes

I'm always jealous of your reviews, both summing up the action and mixing in your own opinion and perception so fluently :P

Yes, I can imagine this being quite a tough read but, most importantly, I think I'm happy that the emotions turned out to be impactful. They were supposed to be impactful and a bit extreme after all. Thanks for the review :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on July 06, 2019, 04:05:28 PM
Wow! A chapter that covers all three arcs! :)petrie

Well, Shorty and Bron's journey sure seems to be going at a slow yet steady pace. Having not read the old version, I don't have too much to say other than good job at bringing up some of what this story earns its name for. We are beginning to see more clues of Shorty's past and that he has never recovered from those terrible memories that could be considered cringe-worthy for someone like him.

You've done justice once again in Littlefoot's story. Why does the series always have to cut down on reunions and goodbyes? First, movie VII denied us a proper reunion scene between Ducky and her mother, and then movie X denied us a goodbye scene between Littlefoot and his beloved friends. "Bestest Friends" did little to fix that problem. You, on the other hand, gave the Gang a very brief, but emotional goodbye scene we rightfully should have gotten. It was also interesting to see how mixed their feelings were, regarding Littlefoot's departure. Somehow, even I was saddened by the fact he couldn't bring them along, even though you're trying to remain somewhat loyal to the movie. I honestly felt as if I was in one of their places, feeling just as saddened as the characters were. It demonstrates your excellent ability in incorporating character emotions.

As for Ali, determination and outright hatred for her mother and herd are the only things keeping her going right now, and now we're seeing how each of the three Longnecks are beginning to feel doubt in their journeys for different reasons. It could be argued that she's still being quite foolish doing this all by herself, but sometimes anger fuels the desire to escape what makes you so angry or miserable, and I'm afraid that's just what the case was for her.

And finally, the Old One has become a complete nuisance, and she's taken Ali's place as the character that makes my blood boil. She shows absolutely no concern for Ali and completely disregards her mother's concerns for her safety, and then she blames her entirely for her daughter's actions. I don't know who's more of a cruel, bigoted, loathsome authoritarian leader. She even makes Cera's father look like a saint!

I know I probably didn't have too much to say about this chapter, possibly because I've been a bit lazy with typing lately, but it's nice to see that this story continues to build and bring more development into everyone. Great job, Ducky! :)petrie
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on July 08, 2019, 03:11:57 PM
Here the three storylines were advanced quite well and it was indeed a surprise to see all of them combined in one chapter. While they didn’t offer any major developments, they built up the plot quite decently. Bron and Shorty’s part deepened their relationship well. it was fun to see Shorty’s efforts to hide his hunger even if it was the only thing in his mind. At this point, they seem to be quite close which makes the eventual events far more tragic. I really agree with Diddy that Littlefoot and his friends’ goodbye should have been portrayed in the film as you showed in this chapter. The emotions were very tangible here and Spike and Ducky’s last question indeed paves the way for the inevitable answer. That was overall a good scene and one we needed badly.

And here we need only the beginnings of the damage the idiotic Ali has caused. Her mother’s situation is far from enviable and the worst part is that she deserved none of it. I know your opinions about the Old One but even then, I don’t think her characterization here matches her behavior in the fourth film. Even then, Ali’s mother’s concern was portrayed very well here and I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on July 09, 2019, 09:44:47 AM
The banter at the beginning of this chapter was quite well done.  The interchange between a food-obsessed Shorty and a wise (and a bit teasing) Bron made for a relatable exchange between the two.  It also highlights what the herd is risking in this journey in following their feelings to go to a totally new, and unknown, destination.

The use of voting here again shows the somewhat democratic nature of Bron’s herd, which is understandable considering the nature of its genesis.  It was born of other longnecks joining it of their own free will and thus some degree of democratic choice is understandable when a major decision needs to be made, even if Bron is the leader in most day-to-day respects.

The parting of Littlefoot from his friends was handled in a rather straightforward fashion, but the characterizations of each of the gang was handled well.  One can clearly get an appreciation for Cera’s annoyance of Littlefoot dashing off on an adventure to follow something he saw in a sleep story. That being said there is some delicious irony in her emotions here on that the gang has certainly gone on adventures for sillier reasons in the past… which I am sure will factor in to their decisions later on in this story.

As for Ali’s storyline it seems that her decision in the heat of the moment has had more of an immediate effect than I would have assumed.  Here we can see the ‘collective responsibility’ of a family for its young being applied in the herd, and it is clear the tensions from Ali’s insolence has spilled over in the Old One’s opinion of the situation.  The reaction of Ali’s mother is understandable considering the Old One’s annoyance and lack of empathy, but it has placed her in just as perilous of a situation as her daughter. 

Overall this chapter has moved forward all three storylines quite nicely.  Although I am unsure of the characterization of the Old One in her meeting with Ali’s mother, the other characters seemed quite in-character to me and their banter and thoughts were quite relatable.  I look forward to seeing how all three of our journeying parties fare in the coming chapter. :)
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on July 10, 2019, 05:05:45 PM
Thanks for the reviews, everyone. Due to the fact that I only have access to my phone here (and, I'm on my 4th vodka lemon too, mind you  :bestsharptooth) I think it is for the best if I attach my thorough responses to the next chapter which I'll likely release around the 20th of this month  :^^spike
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on July 19, 2019, 03:54:51 PM
Alright, I reckon this story will get close to weekly updates for a while, considering that chapters tend to be short and considering that I have a lot of time on my hands now.  :^^spike

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 12: Old One vs Bron

After walking two days and a whole night without a break, Bron’s herd finally arrived at the small valley at the base of a tall mountain range. They were sourced up and tired but the sight of green food and water was well worth their efforts. Greedily, they spread out to eat their fill.

Shorty was overjoyed when he saw the green valley, although it wasn’t quite as lush as the lands they usually roamed. Bron watched him with a smile as the boy was feasting upon the leaves he had shaken from a tall tree. Though that smile didn’t last long. His herd had hardly arrived when trouble arose…

*

It was evening when Old One finally returned from her thorough search. That insolent mother of that even more insolent child may have agreed to take her leave but Old One didn’t like to trust a word of someone she despised. All day long she had combed through the small valley only to realize that it hadn’t been necessary. The longneck who dared to question her leadership was no longer around but it never hurt to make sure.

A little later, the herd had gathered and Old One made the announcement of the banishment. Old One’s word was truth and the announcement was therefore taken without any questions whatsoever just as always. Old One had always made sure only to keep those around her that had absolute faith in her lest she’d be overthrown one day. The herd was just about to be disbanded when distant chatter arose, the gentle breeze carrying faint voices that clearly didn’t belong to her kin.

“Intruders?” Old One puzzled. If there truly were other dinosaurs entering their valley, she’d have to make sure that they drove those bastards out. It’d take them several months until they could travel on due to the eggs that were being raised after they’d met up with a smaller herd of males. Their valley could hardly grow back the food they ate so they absolutely couldn’t share it with anyone. Absolutely not!

“Longnecks, we must find the origin of these voices and drive them out of this place!” Old one shouted. “This valley is ours for as long as we roam here. This is our place; this is our food! Spread out, follow the voices! They should lead us to the culprits!”

*

Bron was just about to start digging in when the trees further inside the valley began to rumble. He squeezed his eyes to make out what was approaching his herd. Was it something dangerous or just whoever was living there? Would it be a happy greeting? His herd wasn’t migratory in nature so meeting other herds was a rather rare situation he didn’t have much experience with. His expression lighted up when the images of numerous longnecks emerging from the forests greeted his eyes, however it quickly darkened when he realized that their overall behavior didn’t appear all that friendly and aggressive.

“A huge herd of longnecks is living here? And they’re… they’re all females? What’s going on here?” Bron’s confusion grew bigger by the second. What should he do in this situation?

“Bron, who are they?” Shorty said through a mouthful of leaves but stopped in the middle of chewing when he noticed Bron’s troubled glance. “Bron?”

“I… I don’t know but… they look like trouble…” Bron said through gritted teeth. With a sigh, he raised his voice above the carefree chatter of his fellow kin.

“Everyone, enter formation at once! We’re not alone here so let’s greet our neighbors!”

Quickly, as the other herd of longnecks arrived at the scene, member’s of Bron’s herd abandoned their meals halfway to aggregate around their leader in a formation that resembled a semi-circle. In the middle of it stood Bron and his first deputy, Will, who was second-in-command. Old One’s herd lined up behind their leader with rather firm expressions. Both leaders stepped forward.

“What are you doing here on our lands, stranger?! Leave at once!” Old One spoke up first, taking an aggressive stance and facing Bron bravely who was not only taller but also in much better condition than her. Bron studied the old female with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. This wasn’t how to greet other herds for sure, that much he could tell.

“Excuse me, old lady, but… isn’t it a little rude to make demands without giving someone your name?” Bron spoke politely, putting a fake smile on as he conversed with the old longneck leading the other herd. “Well, I suppose it’d be rude of me as well to say that without telling you mine, right?” He gave a small wink. “Bron’s the name. I’m the leader of this herd behind me.”

Old One looked at the younger male with a hateful expressions and a frown. At first, it seemed like she was unwilling to give in to the words of the other herd leader (some members of her herd had been gasping) but, eventually, her lips moved.

“My people refer to me as “Old One”. I am the wisest of our kin and thus the one in charge. Perhaps you should show some more respect, young one?”

“Crap, she is sensitive about that?” Bron cursed, realizing his faux pas at once.

“Please forgive me, Old One,” he spoke formally while bowing slightly. “It wasn’t my intention to come off as rude at all. However, I sense that my herd isn’t welcome here.”

“That is correct,” Old One said drily. “Leave at once, you are not welcome here.”

“Great, we are dealing with a witch of all personalities…” Bron realized with obvious discomfort. Diplomacy wasn’t something he was accustomed to but, he surmised, he simply had to learn it as he was dealing with this Old One person for the sake of his herd who had travelled all this way for a recharge of energy. For them to be denied access to the large amount of food this valley offered… it was simply something he couldn’t allow.

“I’m afraid that we can’t accept such a request,” Bron explained with a calm but firm voice. “We don’t want to intrude but would you give me a chance to explain ourselves? I assure you, Old One, that we won’t be here for long.”

“You need not explain yourselves. There is no place for another herd of longnecks here. Begone!” Old One shouted rather angrily.

Bron mustered the old female and her followers again, his keen eyes seeing through the game the other herd leader was playing.

“Once again, I request that you hear us out and I assure you that I will listen to your story too,” Bron explained calmly but then he added with a sly undertone. “Don’t you think I’m easily fooled; I can tell easily that you’re not residents. Your legs are sturdy and your bodies strong. You’re a migrating herd after all.”

Old One’s expression froze a little but she recovered almost instantly.

“It does not matter whether we are a herd migratory in nature! Right now, this is where we reside and this is as far as we’re letting you in!!!”

Bron flinched a little. No matter what he said, no matter how polite he was acting, he was talking to a wall thicker than the skull of a threehorn. The other herd did not falter even though he had numbers in his favors. He didn’t like to give in that easily though.

“Listen, we are on a great journey and we do not, I repeat, we do not intend to stay!” Bron repeated, almost begging for the old female to understand. “Let us have a meal and allow us to rest for a night and we’ll be gone again. I’m giving you my word on that.”

“Oh?” Old One said, unimpressed. “Listen, young one, no matter what nonsense you are throwing at me, my decision has already been cast. You shall not enter this valley!”

Shorty trembled with rage. What problem did this big old longneck even have? He was about to scream at Bron to start acting more fierce but Bron had no intention of doing so just yet.

“May I ask why you won’t let us in?” Bron inquired, calm on the outside but annoyance and anger growing within his stomach. “I hate to repeat myself but we’re just peaceful travellers stopping by at this valley for a quick snack before going our way again. Don’t you think it’d be a little cruel to send us back into the deserts?”

“There is no fair when it comes to survival!” Old One blurted out angrily. “I have a herd to feed and food needs to last us until our offspring is ready to move! Only the wellbeing of my people concerns me, you’re in the way!”

“Offspring without males? Well, I’m not gonna ask…”

“Unfortunately,” Bron said in a stern voice. “You’re not the only one with a herd to feed. Let’s not fight but come to an agreement. Shall we?”

“There is no agreement with your kin that would turn out in our favor, unless you were to strengthen our ranks but, if I take a good look at your people, I doubt they would be of any use for me…”

Suddenly, Bron’s deputy, Will, stepped forward to whisper something into Bron’s ear. Bron quickly considered and then nodded.

“Well, I regret that you’re not willing to negotiate, Old One,” he exclaimed, his voice making painfully sure that he meant it. “Before we continue this, allow me to verify something… you haven’t had… issues with sleepstories, have you?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Old One grunted but the reaction of her followers gave her away. Bron smiled.

“Very well, so you have decided against going? That is too unfortunate… don’t you wonder what’s going to happen?”

“You can die in the deserts for all I care, take your leave now!” the old dinosaur screamed furiously, her followers stepping closer to their leader to symbolize the threat hanging tangible in the air.

“Very well, I got the information I wanted anyhow…” Bron grunted. His face hardening, nodding towards his deputy, his tone changed.

“Make demands until your bones fall apart, old lady,” he said with authority that matched Old One’s. The punch definitely showed its effects immediately. The old dinosaur staggered.

“H-how dare you belittle me, young one?! HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME?!” Old one was furious now.

“I’m sorry but my herd is tired from walking and starved. If you won’t let us eat here, we’ll have to resort to violence and if I take a good look at your herd… well, I daresay that we’re more likely to get what we want,” Bron gave Old One a firm look. “If the wellbeing of your herd is really what you care about most, then you should back down now.”

“You little…” Old One hissed, unwilling to back down but slowly catching that the other herd was indeed bigger in numbers and stature.

“Alternatively, if I may speak…” the deep, threatening voice of Will, Bron’s deputy, shook the forest as he stepped forward to stand aside his leader. “We could also settle this with a fight between the strongest of each herd only. I have faith in my herd and their strength but a serious fight with a herd of your size would surely result in unnecessary casualties on both ends.”

Will was not only very tall but his muscles and overall mass were quite an asset to consider. His dark-grey skin and his orange eyes glimmering with aggression only aided his intimidating presence. Walking up to Old One he added.

“I will offer to fight for my herd. If you have anyone matching my strength in your herd, then we could settle things this way… of course you could also back away. Your choice, old hag…”

Old One stammered but didn’t bring out any coherent words anymore. Bron took the opportunity to underline his deputies words.

“Longnecks, form a wall five longnecks thick and slowly advance. Let’s show them our strength and make them grant us a meal and a place to stay the night!” Bron ordered and noted with a smile when his herd listened without complaints. His herd was the closest to a family he had left and he was willing to protect it with everything he had and, likewise, his herd had absolute faith in him.

Old One had a terrified look on her face. Members of her herd soon began to back away as the wall of longnecks under Bron’s command slowly drove them further into the valley.

“FINE!!!” Old One eventually screamed. “Have your meal and then leave at once!!!”

“Thank you,” Bron simply said with a slightly smug smile. “You could have granted us just that right from the start, you know?”

“Old hag, try to pull something funny and we’ll definitely be fighting for survival, is that clear?” Will added with a fierce stare, Old One almost falling as she stumbled across a root while on the retreat, timid as a youngling. Angrily, she scowled before turning around and leading her herd back into the deeper parts of the valley but not before making one last, desperate attempt to scare them.

“I’ll kill anyone still roaming this land tomorrow after the mighty Great Circle rises… Enjoy your stay while it lasts… although it will be awfully, awfully short…”

Bron and Will watched the old dinosaur take her leave until she disappeared in the foliage of the forest. Exchanging glances while everyone resumed their feast, Bron commented.

“Well, I don’t think I’d be staying here for very long even if I wanted to…”

“This “Old One” has a screw loose if yer ask me…” Will grunted.

“Let’s have a meal too, shall we?” Bron suggested.

*

“We really showed them!” Shorty boasted as he gobbled up more and more green food greedily.

Bron had soon reunited with the little troublemaker, stuffing himself with as much food as he could and, instinctively, everyone did the same, not knowing when the next meal would wait for them.

“We sure did, huh?” he mused as he ate. “Although I had hoped for this to go more smoothly. Oh well…”

“Why did that old longneck act like a moron anyway? She had no chance to begin with!” Shorty puzzled aloud with some anger and confusion mixing into his statement.

“There was a clash of interest, that’s all,” Bron spoke sadly. “About one thing, she was perfectly correct. There’s no fair when it comes to survival. She was fighting for the survival of her herd. Still, I wouldn’t say she was approaching us correctly… Shorty?”

“Hmm?” Shorty mumbled through his stuffed mouth. Had the boy even been listening?

“Have you noticed anything strange about that old herd leader? Or about her herd?”

“You mean other than her being a moron? Nope.”

Bron chuckled at this.

“Well, I suppose that wasn’t hard to catch, was it?” He gave Shorty a wink. “Anyway, I suppose she’s a great example to teach you a few things about herds…”

“Huh?” Shorty looked up from his meal.

“You see, Shorty, that wasn’t an ordinary herd we just met…” Bron began explaining to the boy. “Take that leader for instance. There are various qualifications a herd leader should have. Any come to your mind?”

“You’ve gotta be brave and strong!” Shorty answered promptly with slight admiration apparent on his expression. Bron laughed.

“Haha, is that how you think of me, Shorty?” The grown-up gave the little boy a playful push. “Well, that’s certainly one quality favouring a leading position, however just being brave isn’t getting you very far, you know? If you look at that old herd leader we fought with, she certainly didn’t obtain that position through strength. She’s old after all. If old dinosaurs are in charge, it’s often because they’re experienced and wise. Wisdom can get others to follow you just as much as strength and bravery.”

“I suppose so…” Shorty said with a funny look on his face. “But that leader wasn’t wise at all… I mean she shoulda known we’re stronger than them but she still tried to chase us away. You gotta be the stronger one if you’re picking a fight with someone or you’re just stupid!”

“Can’t argue with you there though I wonder who taught you that mindset…” Bron said, his curious glance resting on Shorty’s back for a second who had gone back to munching very suddenly. “Well, to be frank, I don’t know why that old longneck is the leader of that herd either. She held a lot of authority and pride which are also qualities favourable for a leading position, however that’s the only qualities I could sense. She had no tact and didn’t even consider negotiating with us. Besides, I don’t think she’s fair. Shorty, remember one thing.”

Shorty finally looked up again.

“The most important thing is that you are fair to the people that are following you.”

“I… see,” Shorty mumbled thoughtfully though he didn’t really grasp onto it.

“From what I can gather from our encounter, that herd is led in a very authoritative manner. That old longneck’s word is rule and anyone disobeying her will be tossed out… well, that’s the vibe I’m getting from that herd anyway. There were no males either as far as I could tell.”

“Oh really?” Shorty piped up.

“Do you ever pay attention?” Bron teased with a witty look on his face.

“I usually do but I was hungry,” Shorty said innocently which made Bron laugh.

“Oh well, just remember what I just told you, alright?”

“Sure but… what exactly makes you a fair leader?” Shorty puzzled. “I didn’t really get it yet…”

“Being fair means treating everyone the same; being fair also means giving everyone a voice,” Bron explained with a slight smile. “You see, Shorty, I could make most decisions on my own just fine but every now and then I might make one that the herd disapproves of. Part of the reason why I’m the undisputed leader of our herd is because I listen to my followers. In the herd I was part of when I was a kid like you, there would be constant fighting by the higher-ups because they all wanted to lead the herd but everyone had a different idea about leadership. It… wasn’t pretty and I was trying to avoid that at all costs when I became leader of this herd, you see?”

“Oh, that totally makes sense!” Shorty declared after a while.

“I’m glad that you understand,” Bron said with a smile. “Well, eat up. After taking a sip from the nearby watering hole, it’s time to rest.”

“Alright!” Shorty replied, quite unusually so without any resistance. The long march had taken its toll on him after all, Bron mused with a slightly mirthful smile.

Little later, they fell to sleep like rocks without another word, the combination of no sleep and full bellies doing its effective work.

*

Another day had passed for Ali. The Bright Circle had finally taken her leave and the unchanging deserts were finally a little more bearable to travel. Albeit Ali was extremely exhausted and quite sleepy, she knew that she had to take advantage of the cooler temperatures at night to get closer to her goal and escape from those deserts before they could take their toll on her young body. It wasn’t that unusual to walk well into the night during migrations so Ali was used to it although she would usually let her mother carry her from time to time. A few days with only half a night of sleep were probably no big deal if it meant escaping those hostile, lifeless lands a day or two sooner so Ali kept pushing her little legs on, walking with double speed, the fear of a search party finding her or starving before achieving her goal powering her on regardless of how much those little legs ached. She could lose here. She simply mustn’t. Only when the Night Circle passed its highest point on the night sky, did Ali allow her body to rest but at the first sign of the next day, she would rise again and continue to push on… until she’d arrive at that place… where Littlefoot would be!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Here you go, a heavily improved version of the old scene. Bron wasn't even present in the old version which completely changed my options here. I hope I was able to work out the central theme of this chapter, to point out the differences in leadership between these two herds. Meanwhile, Ali is racing away from her mother. Though, will she be able to keep up that pace for very long? Time will tell ;)

The next chapter will likely show us what Littlefoot is up to now that he's left the Valley  :olittlefoot


________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quote
Posted by: DiddyKF1
« on: July 06, 2019, 10:05:28 PM » Insert Quote
Wow! A chapter that covers all three arcs! :)petrie

Well, Shorty and Bron's journey sure seems to be going at a slow yet steady pace. Having not read the old version, I don't have too much to say other than good job at bringing up some of what this story earns its name for. We are beginning to see more clues of Shorty's past and that he has never recovered from those terrible memories that could be considered cringe-worthy for someone like him.

You've done justice once again in Littlefoot's story. Why does the series always have to cut down on reunions and goodbyes? First, movie VII denied us a proper reunion scene between Ducky and her mother, and then movie X denied us a goodbye scene between Littlefoot and his beloved friends. "Bestest Friends" did little to fix that problem. You, on the other hand, gave the Gang a very brief, but emotional goodbye scene we rightfully should have gotten. It was also interesting to see how mixed their feelings were, regarding Littlefoot's departure. Somehow, even I was saddened by the fact he couldn't bring them along, even though you're trying to remain somewhat loyal to the movie. I honestly felt as if I was in one of their places, feeling just as saddened as the characters were. It demonstrates your excellent ability in incorporating character emotions.

As for Ali, determination and outright hatred for her mother and herd are the only things keeping her going right now, and now we're seeing how each of the three Longnecks are beginning to feel doubt in their journeys for different reasons. It could be argued that she's still being quite foolish doing this all by herself, but sometimes anger fuels the desire to escape what makes you so angry or miserable, and I'm afraid that's just what the case was for her.

And finally, the Old One has become a complete nuisance, and she's taken Ali's place as the character that makes my blood boil. She shows absolutely no concern for Ali and completely disregards her mother's concerns for her safety, and then she blames her entirely for her daughter's actions. I don't know who's more of a cruel, bigoted, loathsome authoritarian leader. She even makes Cera's father look like a saint!

I know I probably didn't have too much to say about this chapter, possibly because I've been a bit lazy with typing lately, but it's nice to see that this story continues to build and bring more development into everyone. Great job, Ducky! :)petrie

Thanks for the review  :duckyhappy

Won't be spoiling anything about Shorty's past ofc but I think I can safely confirm that these clues are just the top of the iceberg  ;)Cera Sadl, I'm afraid it's still a little while before things truly get going for Shorty.

Aww thank you for your words on my writing abilities. Emotional scenes are my favourite scenes, frankly speaking  :exactly While I'm at it, yes, I do plan on staying somewhat true to the movie, particularly Littlefoot's arc, but, generally, there's a lot of stuff that needs fixing if you ask me  :thinking

Yes indeed, you're completely right, although Ali is also fueled by her heart's yearning to see Littlefoot again but, still, you got that quite right.  :duckyhappy

You know, your comment about Old One just made me laugh because my proofreader recently suggested that I should write a crack fic featuring Topps and Old One having a row  :)petrie

oh this is far from a short review by all means, don't worry :P I greatly appreciate your comments!  :cheers


Quote
Posted by: Sovereign
« on: July 08, 2019, 09:11:57 PM » Insert Quote
Here the three storylines were advanced quite well and it was indeed a surprise to see all of them combined in one chapter. While they didn’t offer any major developments, they built up the plot quite decently. Bron and Shorty’s part deepened their relationship well. it was fun to see Shorty’s efforts to hide his hunger even if it was the only thing in his mind. At this point, they seem to be quite close which makes the eventual events far more tragic. I really agree with Diddy that Littlefoot and his friends’ goodbye should have been portrayed in the film as you showed in this chapter. The emotions were very tangible here and Spike and Ducky’s last question indeed paves the way for the inevitable answer. That was overall a good scene and one we needed badly.

And here we need only the beginnings of the damage the idiotic Ali has caused. Her mother’s situation is far from enviable and the worst part is that she deserved none of it. I know your opinions about the Old One but even then, I don’t think her characterization here matches her behavior in the fourth film. Even then, Ali’s mother’s concern was portrayed very well here and I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Thanks for the review as always, Sovereign  :duckyhappy

I'm glad you enjoyed my portrayal of the parting between Littlefoot and his friends as well as the scene between Shorty and Bron. Indeed they are close, almost father-son like, but, you know as well as I do that things won't remain like that.

The reverbations of Ali's behavior are immense indeed.

My portrayal of Old One isn't 100% canon quite on purpose (I seem to recall that I explained this at some point but I'm not sure so I'll do so now). It's essentially my personal headcanon that she's a bit evil, leading a herd consisting of females only, acting up to the role of a dictatory matriach. Ali never seemed to have any friends in her herd and, since this would contribute greatly to a lack of children in the herd, I think it makes sense in a way.


Quote
Posted by: rhombus
« on: July 09, 2019, 03:44:47 PM » Insert Quote
The banter at the beginning of this chapter was quite well done.  The interchange between a food-obsessed Shorty and a wise (and a bit teasing) Bron made for a relatable exchange between the two.  It also highlights what the herd is risking in this journey in following their feelings to go to a totally new, and unknown, destination.

The use of voting here again shows the somewhat democratic nature of Bron’s herd, which is understandable considering the nature of its genesis.  It was born of other longnecks joining it of their own free will and thus some degree of democratic choice is understandable when a major decision needs to be made, even if Bron is the leader in most day-to-day respects.

The parting of Littlefoot from his friends was handled in a rather straightforward fashion, but the characterizations of each of the gang was handled well.  One can clearly get an appreciation for Cera’s annoyance of Littlefoot dashing off on an adventure to follow something he saw in a sleep story. That being said there is some delicious irony in her emotions here on that the gang has certainly gone on adventures for sillier reasons in the past… which I am sure will factor in to their decisions later on in this story.

As for Ali’s storyline it seems that her decision in the heat of the moment has had more of an immediate effect than I would have assumed.  Here we can see the ‘collective responsibility’ of a family for its young being applied in the herd, and it is clear the tensions from Ali’s insolence has spilled over in the Old One’s opinion of the situation.  The reaction of Ali’s mother is understandable considering the Old One’s annoyance and lack of empathy, but it has placed her in just as perilous of a situation as her daughter. 

Overall this chapter has moved forward all three storylines quite nicely.  Although I am unsure of the characterization of the Old One in her meeting with Ali’s mother, the other characters seemed quite in-character to me and their banter and thoughts were quite relatable.  I look forward to seeing how all three of our journeying parties fare in the coming chapter. :)

Thanks for your review, rhombus! ::)littlefoot

I'm glad that you like the Bron-Shorty dialogue here. Moreover, you are completely right that the genesis of Bron's herd contributes to the democratic nature of it although there are a few more factors as to why Bron chose that kind of style to lead.

Oh, that comment about the gang going on adventures is glorious, I should really make the others say something like that to convince Cera of going after Littlefoot :DD

Quite so have Ali's action an immediate effect. You're quite right that Ali's mother is in hardly a better spot now that she's wandering around on her own too but what options did she have really after getting banned from the herd? Time will tell if she'll be able to catch up with Ali.

Old One's characterization is not canon quite on purpose. See my response to Sovereign above :)

Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: UnionRags123 on July 19, 2019, 04:05:43 PM
Omg this is great!

Old One’s use of an “aggressive” approach really backfired...

And yes, a one shot of Old One v Topps would definitely be welcomed!  :lol

Poor Ali...out in the desert by herself...
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: DiddyKF1 on July 19, 2019, 05:30:09 PM
That does it! I have absolutely no respect for the Old One in this story whatsoever! I hate her here just as much as I hated the original Cera and her father! :anger She is behaving like someone who only knows how to rule through fear, and after seeing a certain character like that on HBO for nine years, you know that characters like that will only leave behind a loathsome legacy. I'm honestly not sure how much longer she'll remain in her position with the over-authoritarian antics she's been showing.

Bron sure seemed to have done a good job at trying to keep things as peaceful as possible, even if his new enemy has no shred of compassion for practically, ... well, ... anyone, it seems. They are clearly complete opposites, and such personalities could never mix together, much like how it was once believed that different kinds could never mix together. I would say that this chapter was the beginning of the end of Old One's dominant influence over her herd, and it's only a matter of time before she begins to lose her power.

Poor Ali. All alone and in the middle of nowhere, but I suppose she is learning her lesson the hard way whether she succeeds on her journey or not. Just as we think this story is supposed to bring all Longnecks together, it's sure doing a good job at tearing some apart.

This was quite a nice surprise to brighten my boring day, ... aside from Old One's abysmal behavior.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sovereign on July 20, 2019, 02:50:02 PM
This was quite an interesting scene and one that showed the highly differing personalities of Bron and your Old One. The difference between the former’s efforts to protect his herd and the latter’s hesitancy to help in that were really stark and showed just how capable a leader Bron really is. The argument was written quite well and the tension that rose during it were very tangible here. I liked the way Bron pushed her into a hesitant acceptance to acting the way any decent dinosaur should act. And indeed, he proved his capability to lead once again.

As for Ali, I’m not a fan of these kinds of one-scene sequences during a chapter as there is almost always something more to be built from scenes like that. It wasn’t too bothering but it’s something I prefer to avoid myself. And again, Old one seemed like a complete OC here and the herd is far from what we saw in the films. I know I’ve complained of it before but it strikes me again with every chapter. However, the main part of this installment was very good so well done with that.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on July 27, 2019, 09:13:56 PM
Now this was quite an enjoyable read considering what I personally think of the Old One in this particular continuity.  :p At first I thought that Bron would let the Old One have her way after exhausting every opportunity for a peaceful solution, but instead we get to see his abilities as leader firsthand. He expertly allows her to show herself to be intransigent in her demands and then he finally shows his hand - that he is willing to use force to achieve his just demands.  Considering the Old One's desire to maintain power and to quash dissent I do wonder what will happen now that she has shown weakness here.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on September 10, 2019, 04:31:05 PM
I'm frequently working on the story, however I am only advancing Ali's/Shorty's arc at the moment since I'm a bit unsure how to handle Littlefoot's arc yet. And since the next chapter on the schedule is Littlefoot's, I'm stuck here  :opetrie I've got several chapters written and proofread at this point so whenever I manage to solve this issue, the uploads will go back up. (I'm writing chapter 22 now to give you an idea, however I skipped three chapters :P)

I'll do a proper response on the reviews on the next chapter but thanks for your kind words as always  ;)Cera
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on July 26, 2020, 07:36:41 PM
Me: *casually doesn't upload a chapter for an entire year*

Someone slap me for this?  :angel

Okay good news is I still have a pretty decent amount of chapters pre-written and I've managed to work out how the upcoming travel arcs for Littlefoot and the Gang need to go (I just wish I was able to come up with more original scenes to make them distinct from the movie, but, alas, such an original scene is waiting for you now!)

I would like to apologize for the extreme hiatus and I hope that you will still continue to give this story a read despite its slow speed  :bolt


________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 13: How to defeat fastbiters

The first two days of their journey were awfully uneventful, much to Littlefoot’s displeasure. Their journey took them right through the dry and barren deserts that surrounded the Great Valley safe for the area that was overlooked by Saurus Rock which had some forests. Heat, no food and water and the fact that he missed his friends greatly gave rise to a very foul mood that was even further supported by the sheer lack of things to see. Littlefoot had gone on this adventure, hoping to see many new and exciting things, however this desert was as far from these expectations as things could possibly be.

On the bright side, having started their adventure seemed to have a positive effect on the sleep story situation. His sleep story had changed somewhat; it was less horrifying that it used to be and waking up from it no longer felt like just having completed a game of catch with a hungry sharptooth.

A first glint of hope was rising in the young boy when, towards the end of the second day of their journey, some dry grass seemed to start growing, soon to be replaced by an actual forest.

“Looks like we’ve found a pretty good place to rest tonight,” Grandpa eventually announced as the small group stood in front of it just as the Bright Circle started approaching the horizon in the west.

“There’s even a small lake!” Littlefoot said excitedly as he, fueled by his adventure spirit, sprinted ahead into the foliage to satisfy his jammed up curiosity.

“Perfect,” Grandpa commented with a slight smile, seeing his grandson finally expressing something other than gloom.

The small family ate and stilled their thirst as evening turned into dusk. They were about to settle down and close their eyes when Littlefoot’s attention perked at a rattle in the nearby underbrush, ever so faint so that he had to doubletake.

“Grandpa?” he spoke quietly, trying to get his grandfather’s attention but the old longneck was already alert.

“Behind me, Littlefoot,” the old longneck muttered, his eyes rapidly scanning the surroundings to find the source. “We’re not alone in this forest.”

As Grandma Longneck, too, got into position, tail ready to smash any attacker, Littlefoot wasted no more time, rushing behind the protective line that his grandparents were setting up for his protection. If their attackers had planned a surprise attack, then they had obviously failed in that aspect. Some angry snarls could be heard in a neighboring area full with thick undergrowth and bushes before several creatures broke out of it.

“Fastbiters!” Littlefoot’s grandparents cried out simultaneously while swinging their tails at six approaching fastbiters who jumped out of range as they saw the incoming tails. Littlefoot noted with some surprise that they were pretty small, only about a neck taller and longer than he was but it didn’t change the fact that they were deadly, at least to a child like him [Author's Note: The intended species of fastbiter is Deinonychus for better reference and understanding]. The claws on their arms and feet had a terrifying effect on him and, suddenly he couldn’t be more glad to have his grandparents with him. Had he been travelling with his friends exclusively, their only chance would be to outrun the predators but fastbiters didn’t get their name without a reason. They were super fast and relied on numbers and deadly claws to make up for their lack of strength. After their initial assault, the six fastbiters, all coloured dark-red with black stripes across their backs, snarled at his grandparents but didn’t attack just yet.

“Careful, they’re smart,” Grandpa muttered in a worrisome tone. “If they don’t attack you head-on, they probably have an ambush prepared…”

“Either that, or they thought we were old, weak and inexperienced despite being longnecks,” Grandma added grimly, not leaving her eyes from the group of predators staying just clear off their tails’ swinging range.

“Littlefoot, do you remember what we talked about before we left the Valley concerning sharpteeth?” his grandfather inquired rather sharply. Despite being no match for them, the fastbiters could still harm Littlefoot if they split up in a smart manner so the old longneck took the situation very serious.

Littlefoot quickly recollected the conversation from two days ago…

*

Littlefoot arrived at his nest with a very mixed expression, though the sight of his grandparents looking rather cheerful and determined brightened his mood somewhat.

“Are you ready to start our adventure, Littlefoot?” Grandma welcomed him with a warm smile, nuzzling the boy for a greeting which he took with a slight chuckle.

“I think I am, Grandma,” Littlefoot responded, some doubt remaining in his voice. “What direction are we going? I mean… we obviously don’t know where we are going, right?”

“That is true, Littlefoot,” his grandfather replied with his knowing smile that was so full of wisdom. “However, as I’m sure you can feel it too deep down, I think you should be able to tell by yourself. Go on, try to feel it, Littlefoot. It could be important if ever we were to be separated.”

Littlefoot couldn’t find any fault in his grandfather’s logic. Besides, he indeed had a certain, rough sense of direction and had actually been curious to find out if it matched the direction of their journey.

“Hmm, I think we need to follow the mid-afternoon position of the Bright Circle, maybe a little closer to its late afternoon position…”

Littlefoot was surprised when he saw both of his grandparents smile at him.

“Very good,” he heard his grandfather say with a pleased nod. “That is indeed the direction we will travel, at least for the time being. We have talked to some travellers and Mr. Thicknose of course who has spoken with countless travellers before and I think we roughly know where to go.”

“Cool!” Littlefoot exclaimed with a genuine smile, the adventure spirit slowly taking over.

“On another note, Littlefoot,” his grandmother suddenly began to speak up more seriously. “Since we will be travelling through dangerous lands, it is very important to know a few strategies to deal with sharpteeth and other dangers that we might encounter during our journey. Since you already know how to react to earthshakes, storms and smoking mountains, I think we only need to address sharpteeth.”

“Good idea,” Littlefoot agreed a little hesitantly. As amazing as adventures were, Sharpteeth could always ruin the day and, in the heat of the moment, it was better to have a plan in mind rather than having to make it up on the spot.

“What do you think is the worst that can happen?” Grandpa prompted the young boy with an inquiring expression.

Littlefoot pondered for a few seconds before he had an answer ready.

“Well, aside from you guys being taken out… I think it’d be really bad to be separated during the fight…”

“Yes, I see your thoughts are going in the right direction, very good, Littlefoot,” Grandpa said, nodding approvingly in Littlefoot’s direction before elaborating.

“You must always stay close to us, unless there happens to be a place where you can hide safely while Grandma and I take care of the threat. Never forget that you, due to your small size and lack of combat ability, are a welcome target, especially to smaller sharpteeth. To be honest with you, I am less concerned about fighting big and strong sharpteeth but packs of fastbiters can be a huge pain to deal with. Do you know why, Littlefoot?”

“Uhh… well, they aren’t very strong but they usually form packs… like that time when we were fighting a pack of them while trying to free the water!”

“And can you think of a possible threat that a normal big sharptooth wouldn’t pose to you, Littlefoot?” Grandma chimed in.

“Let me see…” Littlefoot took a little longer to ponder this time but, ultimately, he again arrived at the correct answer.

“Well, if there are a lot of them, some of them could just sneak around you to get to me, right?”

“Yes, or, even worse, set up an ambush, using one group as distraction while the other group goes in to attack the children. I have seen it happen many times in my life, believe me Littlefoot, and it has me very worried if it were to happen again…”

*

...and as fate would have it, hardly two days later, they found themselves in just that very situation: A group of small fastbiters with very pronounced claws facing them, trying to find a way to sneak up to Littlefoot.

“Yes, Grandpa, I remember it well,” Littlefoot declared, taking a similar stance to his grandparents despite not having the strength to fend off a fully grown fastbiter with his tail if one were to jump at him.

“We’ll do it as discussed, alright, Littlefoot? Grandma?”

Both nodded as Littlefoot once again recalled the conversation to make absolutely sure that he would act correctly in the worst case scenario...

*

“You see, Littlefoot, Grandpa and I have been members of a herd for much of our lives,” Grandma elaborated to underline the threat that fastbiters posed to him. “During all this time, we never lost a single child to grown sharpteeth, though they would turn many into orphans. On the other hand, while we hardly lost any grown longnecks to fastbiters, they would often manage to kill our young either by sneaking around or breaking through our defenses with smart attacks…”

“Oh no… even though you were in a big herd?” Littlefoot inquired with some concern.

“Yes, sometimes even numbers can’t deal with their speed and sneaky behavior…” Grandpa sighed. “That is why I would like to teach you a strategy to use if we ever get attacked by a pack of fastbiters. Please listen carefully and remember it well.”

“Of course, Grandpa, I understand why you’re so worried. I’ll make sure to remember what you’re about to tell me,” Littlefoot assured his old grandfather with a reassuring smile.

“Much appreciated, Littlefoot,” the old dinosaur spoke with a nod of approval before explaining the strategy.

“To protect you, we need to prevent exactly three things: First, they mustn’t break through our defense in a head-on attack. There is little you can do about this, Littlefoot, but rest assured that grandma and I have had fastbiters trying to bite us on almost all imaginable places before but we’ve always lived to tell the tale. Please do not panic if there are fastbiters clinging to us, they cannot deal fatal wounds to a grown longneck unless they manage to cut our necks open - which, of course, we will try to prevent at all costs.”

Now Grandma took over.

“What we need to be wary of are the other two options the fastbiters have to reach you, Littlefoot. And that’s where you come in.”

“How so?” Littlefoot wondered, listening with a very concentrated expression as he took the lesson very seriously.

“If they are trying to go around us, it gets very dangerous very quickly. Depending on how many there are, if Grandma and I try to use our tails to fight those trying to sneak around us, we are forced to create an opening to any fastbiters staying in front of us, waiting for the moment to charge right through our middle, towards where you are, Littlefoot.”

“Grandpa and I will coordinate if this happens; one of us will try to attack the flanks while the other keeps an eye on our front, switching these roles as necessary to keep both flanks safe for you. You can help us by aiding us with another pair of eyes, Littlefoot, trying to spot any sneaky fastbiters that our eyes might miss in the heat of the situation.”

“I will do, Grandma!” Littlefoot declared with a firm voice. Being able to help his grandparents sounded like a great idea to him rather than just being helpless which, of course, he still was for the most part.

“Even more important, though, is that you keep an eye out for any ambushes they might have planned for us and alert us immediately. It is impossible for us to have that many eyes out since we only have two each. Especially when fighting in a forest or in a canyon with many rocks, it is very easy for a fastbiter to hide somewhere, waiting for the right time to launch a devastating attack. You will have to watch any suspicious features of the terrain for signs of movement or unusual sounds. In doing so, you would make things a lot easier for us and also help to protect yourself, Littlefoot. Can we count on you?”

“Of course!” Littlefoot exclaimed readily, facing his two grandparents assertively. “Though I hope I’ll never have to.”

“Likewise, Littlefoot, likewise, but we need to be prepared for everything,” his grandpa sighed with a grave voice.

“There is one last thing we must ask you to do and remember. If a fastbiter does manage to get to you despite our best combined efforts, there is one back-up plan that we have,” Grandma explained in a very serious voice that indicated that this was the most important part of the lesson.

“We must ask you not to scream for help unless this very situation arises. That way, we know when we need to defend you and will prioritize fighting the fastbiters attacking you. Furthermore, depending on the situation, we might attempt to lift you onto our backs, in which case one of us would defend you while the other would attempt to go into the offensive to drive them off or kill them.”

“But Grandma, why aren’t we doing this in the first place? Wouldn’t it… be safer to be on your back?” Littlefoot puzzled.

“Yes and no,” Grandpa answered cryptically. “You see, Littlefoot, a fastbiter is quite capable to jump as high as our backs, however they aren’t likely to make it across which is why we prefer to use our huge bodies as a shield and our long tails and necks as a weapon. If we can’t keep up this protective shield, then we will switch to the aforementioned back-up plan, however it will be much more dangerous for you and we have to be more careful while fighting which limits us too.”

“What’s important is that you remember this, Littlefoot,” his grandma reminded him once again. “We will always prioritize your well-being over ours and, since we got this large and sturdy body, we can take some risks for ourselves to ensure that you aren’t being hurt.” Littlefoot once again felt himself nuzzled by his grandma, much to his liking.

“Don’t worry, I will remember and I know that you will keep me safe,” the young longneck replied with a smile.

Little later, the group would abandon their long-time home in the Great valley and set off towards Lands Unknown.

*

Despite feeling a lot of fear, Littlefoot fully trusted his grandparents in what they were doing, especially after hearing how many strategies they knew just to protect him. Reassured, he swallowed his fear and focussed on his task - keeping an eye out.

The fastbiters had split into three groups of two. While one group was keeping just shy of his grandparents’ range, snarling and growling at them, the other two groups slowly, as not to be too obvious, went around his grandparents, their intention obvious.

“Situation two... “ the young longneck muttered to himself and, to no surprise, his grandparents had already begun to react. While his grandma shifted her position slightly to be able to strike down any attack from the front or the right flank, which she was defending, Grandpa made a sudden leap towards the left flank, swinging his tail and hitting one of the two fastbiters with the tip of his tail while the other just barely dodged. As both retreated out of range, Littlefoot noticed that the remaining four fastbiters had started a simultaneous attack on his grandmother. Littlefoot felt like shouting out to warn her but he held himself back, knowing that all he’d achieve would be to distract his grandmother during a crucial moment. Communication was crucial but any unnecessary word could already be a distracting rather than a means of support.

The old longneck had enough time to prepare as the four fastbiters charged from the front and the rear. With a routine that amazed Littlefoot, the old longneck flicked her tail at the group charging from the flank, hitting them both rather forcefully as they prepared to leap. At the same time (she hadn’t even had her eyes on her flank), she swung her neck forward by whirling her whole body around, also catching the other two fastbiters just shy of leaping at her throat, pushing them to the ground with little effort as their size truly paled against that of a fully grown longneck.

“What amazing teamwork,” Littlefoot noted in awe. “Grandma just coordinated two attacks at once, amazing!”

As the fastbiters retreated slightly to regroup, Littlefoot’s grandparents also regrouped, rebuilding the protective wall of their bodies, tails facing towards the fastbiters. After a series of grunts and roars, they split up into three groups again.

“Same strategy?” Grandma muttered as she observed the fastbiters renewed attempt to sneak around their protective wall.

“Seems like it,” Grandpa replied shortly. “They communicated so they might try doing something different this time. Be on alert.”

“Littlefoot.” The boy perked up when his grandpa addressed him directly. “What mistake did the fastbiters do during their first attack?”

Littlefoot, surprised to be asked such a thing in the heat of the battle, quickly let the scene replay in front of his inner eye.

“They tried to attack Grandma from two directions but she is good so she deflected the attack.”

“Correct analysis,” Grandpa muttered as his eyes kept flickering between the fastbiters slowly trying to make a way around him. “If they learn to split up into six single fastbiters all attacking from different directions while one of them goes for you, Littlefoot, then we are in trouble. As you’ve just seen, a longneck can only focus on two targets at a time. Be prepared, they might be able to succeed going around us. Grandma, I will go for the flank again. Littlefoot, you know what you need to do…”

“Yes, Grandpa,” Littlefoot spoke through gritted teeth, keeping a focused eye on the situation. As soon as the fastbiters were about halfway past Grandpa and Grandma (they kept a little more distance this time, he noted), Grandpa abandoned his protective position to charge after the two fastbiters on the left. Due to the extended distance the fastbiters were keeping, this time the wall truly broke which the two fastbiters staying at the front immediately attempted to take advantage of, sprinting towards Grandma while splitting up just enough that the longneck couldn’t hit them both at the same time. Simultaneously, the right flank group also split up, one attempting a sprint at Grandma while the other started a sprint to get behind the two longnecks, staying out of range.

“This is bad!” Littlefoot immediately realized, making sure to reposition himself so that Grandma’s huge body would still protect him. His grandmother now had to stop four fastbiters, two of which were directly attacking her and two of which were going for him, one of them out of range for now. His grandmother had to react in a split-second and, once again, her great experience showed as she sprung into action. The fastbiter attacking from the rear had no chance as it was met with the tail of the furious longneck which struck down square across its chest, sending it crashing against a nearby tree with a sickening sound. Littlefoot started to worry as the other two got close enough to jump onto Grandma which one of them attempted while the other one was clearly going for him, Littlefoot retreating further behind. Meanwhile, his grandma rotated her body with a fierce motion, smacking the fastbiter attacking her directly with her neck and flinging it away with relative ease, then moving her legs to support further rotation. Her tail was suddenly able to reach the fastbiter going around her, hitting it straight into the face and knocking it over. The other fastbiter going around her was now almost in striking distance to him but Littlefoot didn’t have to scream for help as his grandmother had just enough time to stop the rotation and fling her tail the other way to fling it away just in time.

His grandmother had just defended him against no less than four fastbiters all attacking from different directions without even taking a scratch, however, her heavy breathing was also confirming her high age. She couldn’t do this multiple times and Littlefoot knew that. Quickly, he threw a glance over to Grandpa who was also confronted with the split up of his two fastbiters, trying to chase the one going around to get to Littlefoot while the other one was trying to exploit this to launch an attack on the large Longneck. Grandpa eventually managed to trip the sprinting fastbiter with the tip of his tail, causing it to somersault right into Grandma’s range, her tail coming down like a hammer on the grounded predator which knocked it unconscious.

The remaining fastbiter managed to jump onto Grandpa’s lower back just above his tail but the elder longneck knew plenty of ways to shake a fastbiter off. Ramming into a tree was certainly one of them. The tree was sturdy enough to withstand the impact but the fastbiter cried in pain, letting go and falling to the ground.

“Littlefoot, between us!” Grandma ordered and the little longneck obeyed immediately as Grandpa (with two claw marks on his back) and Grandma built an improvised circle around the child as fastbiters had been flung into several directions, out of which one was unconscious, one likely dead and one badly bruised. Those that could still run quickly regrouped at one side of the forest, allowing the two longnecks to return to their old formation as well. Again, lots of growls and snarls hinted at a strategy meeting, however, this prompted Littlefoot’s grandparents.

“Let’s chase them off before they get any fresh ideas!” Grandpa proposed with a rather angry voice and he didn’t need to wait for Grandma’s word on this as the two knew and trusted each other blindly. Littlefoot couldn’t remember any orders on how to act on such an occasion so he remained where he was as his grandparents entered a sprint (more like a fast jog as their bones wouldn’t allow for a full-fledged sprint anymore), keeping an eye on the two fastbiters that were knocked out during the latest assault.

*rattle*

Suddenly, Littlefoot’s heart sank when there was movement in the vegetation behind him that could only be linked to something alive moving through it.

“Oh crap!” The little longneck turned to the source of the movement, quickly considering what to do in this situation and taking a split-second too long to make the correct decision. Although he managed to cry “AMBUSH!” in his grandparents’ direction, he was too far from them to get to their position in time (they had stopped their chase immediately upon hearing his warning). Helplessly, Littlefoot saw two figures leap out of the foliage, heading straight towards him with murderous intent. Although frightened to death, his eyes immediately picked up an important detail.

“They’re smaller than me, these are children!” Two juvenile fastbiters were attacking him, only being about two-thirds of his size each, carrying the same colour and stripes pattern as the grown-ups. They were just as fast as their parents though, too fast to outrun, anyway. His grandparents wouldn’t get to him in time which only left one option.

“I have to deflect their first attack until my grandparents can save me!” Littlefoot had never fought against a sharptooth before, however his usual disadvantage, his small size, was suddenly his advantage as the incoming juvenile fastbiters were smaller and weaker than he was. If he somehow managed to avoid their claws (which were no less sharp than those of their parents!), he had a decent chance. The only problem was that there were two of them. He was confident enough to apply the tricks he had seen his grandparents perform himself, however he could probably only hit one of them, unless…

“Grandma managed to do it too, if I rotate my body fast enough, I can hit one with my tail and the other with my neck! The speed should increase the impact too!” Although the adrenaline entering his blood system probably meddled with his flight or fight response, Littlefoot was more confident than he should be despite finding himself under direct assault by fastbiters for the first time in his life. Gathering all his courage, he took a firm stance, positioning his legs so that he could perform the rotation swiftly, his tail raised defensively. He could only hope that his two opponents were just as inexperienced as he was as he saw them get closer in slow-motion, their ugly faces painted with bloodlust and malice. One of them was a little faster than the other but it misjudged the right moment to jump, leaping one step too early and sailing right into Littlefoot’s waiting tail. The boy threw everything he had into that swing of his tail, feeling ecstatic as his tail connected with the fastbiter’s flank, his legs just strong enough to brace the impact and flinging the fastbiter a little to his side where it fell to the ground, which just happened to be right in the path of the second fastbiter who stumbled over its comrade just shy of leaping at him. That didn’t stop the two young fastbiters though. Littlefoot hadn’t managed to get enough distance between himself and the two predators during that short time and, with his grandparents still a few seconds away, he set up his defensive stance once again, knowing that he could handle them (besides, somewhere in the back of his mind, some part of him suddenly wanted to show off), disregarding the danger he was in at the moment. Once again, he was prepared to try rotating his body to get a double hit in and, this time, the two predators gave him a chance to try it. Both sprung to their feet in no time, entering a sprint so fast that Littlefoot couldn’t have outrun them even if he had wanted to. The flick of his tail came a little too late but still hit the first fastbiter to arrive at his position, stopping its assault and shoving it off to the side, however he didn’t have time to rotate his body in time for the second fastbiter using its momentum to leap head-first into his flank which threw him off balance to such a degree that Littlefoot fell with the fastbiter landing on-top of him.

“Crap, crap, CRAP!” Littlefoot’s mind was racing, fear and horror shoving every other emotion aside. The life-or-death situation mobilizing all energy he had stored in his little body, Littlefoot kicked his feet which, to his surprise, catapulted the fastbiter a fair distance off him. Despite their dangerous appearance, these creatures were light for their size. The other fastbiter was now leaping towards him but Littlefoot saw it coming just in time to deflect the attack with his tail, despite being on the ground. He hadn’t quite managed to push it away but it gave him a brief window to roll over and get to his feet. Neither of the two seemed willing to give up the chase despite the thundering footsteps of his grandparents approaching him rapidly. At worst, he had one attack to defend against before they would be able to reach him, though his two opponents wasted no time in trying to take him down just shy of his grandparents’ arrival. Once again, Littlefoot was confronted with the two young fastbiters launching themselves into motion with amazing speed and ferocity, however this time he managed to get the timing right, hitting the first one just right as he was accelerating to rotate his body, pushing it three body lengths away and whirling around swiftly to smash the other with his neck which didn’t fling it away but blocked off the attack nonetheless.

“I did it!” Littlefoot beamed as the arrival of his grandparents prompted the two younglings to dart off into the distance. He had just successfully (and with a lot of luck involved) fought off two juvenile fastbiters all alone without more than a light bruise from the headbutt he had received.

“Littlefoot!” he heard his grandparents shout with extreme concern in their voices, coming to a halt in front of him, completely out of breath.

“I’m fine… somehow…” Littlefoot replied, only now realizing that he had apparently forgotten to breathe properly during his fight, heavy exhaustion suddenly falling over his body like a the shadow of a dark rain cloud.

“Oh Littlefoot, I’m so s…” Grandma began but Littlefoot cut her short vehemently when he saw something he didn’t like at all.

“Save that for later, these guys aren’t done yet!” The four remaining fastbiters had used the distraction to launch another attack on the unsuspecting longnecks, leaping high into the air just as Littlefoot gave the alert.

“OH, I’ve HAD it with you guys!” Littlefoot heard his grandpa curse as he violently threw his tail around, smacking one of the incoming with such force that they were flung into a nearby tree which cracked in two upon the impact and, with it, probably every bone that fastbiter had, Littlefoot reckoned. His Grandma had done the same though her tail was sending one of the fastbiters high up into the air, way above the treetops while another one managed to grab onto her tail and sink its teeth into it. The fourth fastbiter made a landing on Grandpa’s back, sinking its sickle-like claws deep into his flesh to prevent falling off the irate longneck. Littlefoot’s eyes continued to follow the fastbiter that was tossed high into the air, screeching at the top of its lungs while it continued to sail for what seemed like an eternity before it crashed to the floor, never to screech again. His Grandma was rather quick to deal with the biter who dared to bite her tail. The predator still biting down, she raised her tail high up before slamming it with maximum strength into the ground, smashing the fastbiter hard against the floor. While that certainly wasn’t enough to kill it, Grandma didn’t hesitate to make sure that it would never bother them ever again, rearing up onto her hindlegs and then allowing herself to fall forwards, aiming her legs just for the fastbiter. Littlefoot cringed upon the impact which came with a skull-splitting, splattering sound. Not wanting to see what little was left of that particular fastbiter, his glance went over to his grandfather who had angrily grabbed the fastbiter’s tail with his mouth, swinging his head like a maze to build up momentum before, too, smashing it into the ground with a sickening sound and crushing it under his feet (Littlefoot looked away) in the same manner.

“Seriously, what were they trying to achieve?!” He thundered angrily as he took a quick glance at his minor injuries which were leaking some blood, certainly much less than the pool of blood that was quickly spreading under his and Grandma’s feet. Grandma’s tail was bleeding to some degree too but, in comparison to the longnecks’ sheer size, it was hardly more than a scratch to them and more of a stingy nuisance than an actual injury to brag about later.

“Well, it’s over at last,” Grandma sighed profoundly, her attention returning to Littlefoot while Grandpa checked the corpses of the fastbiters for any sign of movement. “Littlefoot, I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this just now, are you alright?”

Littlefoot took a moment to reply, still a little petrified by the brutality at display just now, anxiously eyeing the pool of blood at grandma’s feet.

“Well, I’m just glad I didn’t have too much for dinner after seeing… this happen,” he said rather quietly. His grandma quickly offered her bleeding tail to hop onto her while grandpa took care of one of the unconscious fast biters in the distance. Quickly, Littlefoot climbed on.

“That, I’m afraid, is part of fighting sharpteeth, Littlefoot,” she replied with a calmness in her voice that seemed unfitting for someone who had just put at least three fastbiters to their graves. “Grandpa and I were worried about being unable to protect you for much longer so we tried to attack the remaining fastbiters but we hadn’t considered the possibility of an ambush anymore. Thank goodness those were just children!”

Littlefoot could only second that after realizing how much luck he had had just now. He couldn’t have fought a grown-up version of the fastbiters that he had to deal with just now for he would simply lack the strength and body mass to withstand the force of their sprint.

“And thank goodness Littlefoot had his eyes open!”

Grandpa, still rather irate, returned to them, his feet coated in a fresh layer of fastbiter blood.

“Heaven knows what would have happened if you hadn’t noticed the ambush in time, Littlefoot. You alerting us was the right thing to do, however I still need an urgent word with you.”

Littlefoot looked at his rather angry grandfather from his perch on Grandma’s back, immediately knowing that he was going to be reprimanded about something even if he had no idea what he might have done wrong.

“It is very foolish of you to believe that you can take on two fastbiters even if they are smaller than you! A single swipe of their claws in the wrong place and you’re done for! With no experience and four feet to run, you still decided to fight them!”

“Well, I…” Littlefoot felt the sharp glance of his grandfather in his neck, awkwardly looking away as he realized what was the cause for his grandfather’s outburst. “For one thing, I think I couldn’t have outrun them, they were incredibly fast and the way the accelerated into a sprint was just brutal!” he tried to defend himself. “Between being bit in my tail while running and trying to hold them off until you would arrive, I think running was the poorer option as they would have definitely gotten me…” However, there was no denying his second motivation behind the decision to fight.

“I… might have been thinking I could handle them after seeing you two fight so well but, I guess, I was really lucky not to get hurt, right?” Not much to his surprise, both of his grandparents nodded, though his grandma was too worried to use a scolding expression on him.

“I won’t deny, Littlefoot, your actions have disappointed me today,” Littlefoot immediately sank a little lower, however the way his grandpa was pronouncing the words, there surely was bound to be a “but” to that statement.

“However… I am also very very proud.” All of a sudden, Littlefoot found himself nuzzled by both of his grandparents, his grandfather’s anger evaporated as suddenly as the flash of lightning.

“Huh?” Littlefoot uttered in confusion.

“Putting aside the fact that your keen eyes have limited our injuries to a minimum, despite my displeasure with your decision to fight, the bravery to make that decision and not give in to your fear is quite remarkable and I must say that it is largely your quick thinking and your ability to learn from observing others that prevented any significant injuries or worse. Well done, Littlefoot, well done!”

Littlefoot didn’t know what to feel anymore after going through so many emotions in such a short amount of time.

“Jeesh, I had a lot of luck too…” he replied weakly.

“We all did, Littlefoot, that second attack of theirs was extremely dangerous,” his grandmother admitted.

“Now I just want to sleep,” Littlefoot said with a slight groan as the tension slowly began to fall from his body at last.

“As do we, Littlefoot, as do we,” his grandfather spoke, throwing a last cautious glance over the battlefield. “I do suggest camping a little distance away from this mess, just in case another predator decides to pray on the cadavers. Also, one of us will have to stand watch as the juveniles are still alive.”

“On the other side of the pond over there, perhaps?” Grandma suggested. “We should probably clean our feet and wash the wounds anyway, given that we have an opportunity to do so.”

“Right, I agree,” Grandpa said, starting to move in that direction with Grandma following him. By the time they were at the pond, Littlefoot was already sound asleep which brought a momentary chuckle to the two elderly longnecks.

“Our brave Littlefoot…” Grandma cooed as she gently put him down on the floor next to the shore so she could clean herself. As the two elderly longnecks allowed the cool water to engulf their stinging wounds, a chat soon emerged between them.

“You know, this was to be expected at some point during our journey, but to be attacked so early during our adventure, how should I put it… it makes me worry that this journey is more dangerous than it is worth…” Grandpa sighed as he shared these thoughts with his mate. “Things got a little too close for Littlefoot just now, if things had gone just slightly different, we could have lost him just now. I am not saying that we should abandon this journey but…”

“I know, I wouldn’t want to turn around now after thinking this over for so long either,” Grandma admitted uneasily, sinking her neck a little deeper into the water. “Our ability to defend Littlefoot is limited by our old age and the fact that there is only the two of us. What we need is more protection if we want to continue this journey safely.”

“In other words, a herd?” Grandpa prompted.

“If our theory is right, many longnecks are making this journey so we should find some other longnecks to travel with sooner or later.”

“That’s what I hope,” Grandpa sighed as he, with some effort, dragged his tired body out of the water. “Come, dear, we should get some rest ourselves.”

Grandma didn’t need to be told twice as her bones didn’t like all the stress of journeying and fighting sharpteeth either. Grandpa decided to take the first shift of night watch just as night itself fell over the land, the Night Circle watching over the three longnecks.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Oh boy, how do I write an Author's Note again? Oh right!  :PAli

I thought a journey without some sharpteeth to ruin the day would be a little boring and, besides, there was plenty of potential for character development here which I hopefully managed to exploit with this rather strategy-heavy battle. It was one of those chapters that you just start writing and then it starts writing itself and, given that I love to come up with strategies in games and what not, the rest was a piece of cake for me. I'm glad to see I haven't lost my touch though my writing speed could still see some improvements haha. This chapter took my an entire day from noon to early morning to get done (editing and discussing with my editor included). Either way, my writing energy has been more than replenished and I am enjoying spending day and night writing while listening to good music  :^^spike

I do hope this action-rich chapter is a decent way to bring the story back to life and, at least for the next two months, I will be able to work on SDP at least once a week so updates should be somewhat reasonably frequent (I won't spam, you never know when you need some backlog). As always, any reviews, critique and praise are very much welcome and I'm looking forward to hearing them, yep yep yep!  :duckyhappy

Next chapter is already written (probably way over a year ago lol) and will be continuing Ali's (mis)adventure :)

It does feel awkward replying to 1 year old reviews but I still owe you guys a proper reply  :angel



Quote
Posted by: UnionRags123
« on: July 19, 2019, 10:05:43 PM » Insert Quote
Omg this is great!

Old One’s use of an “aggressive” approach really backfired...

And yes, a one shot of Old One v Topps would definitely be welcomed!  :lol

Poor Ali...out in the desert by herself...

Sometimes being confrontional does indeed backfire as we see too frequently in politics and society or just every day life really. It can work if the pther person isn't strong-willed but more often than not a diplomatic approach will be the smarter one (unless we're talking computer games. Warmongering ftw! :lol )

I still have a note to remind me of that particular crackfic idea which my editor once suggested half-jokingly :lol

Yes, poor Ali. Also, stupid Ali.  :rhett_ohsnap


Quote
That does it! I have absolutely no respect for the Old One in this story whatsoever! I hate her here just as much as I hated the original Cera and her father! :anger She is behaving like someone who only knows how to rule through fear, and after seeing a certain character like that on HBO for nine years, you know that characters like that will only leave behind a loathsome legacy. I'm honestly not sure how much longer she'll remain in her position with the over-authoritarian antics she's been showing.

Bron sure seemed to have done a good job at trying to keep things as peaceful as possible, even if his new enemy has no shred of compassion for practically, ... well, ... anyone, it seems. They are clearly complete opposites, and such personalities could never mix together, much like how it was once believed that different kinds could never mix together. I would say that this chapter was the beginning of the end of Old One's dominant influence over her herd, and it's only a matter of time before she begins to lose her power.

Poor Ali. All alone and in the middle of nowhere, but I suppose she is learning her lesson the hard way whether she succeeds on her journey or not. Just as we think this story is supposed to bring all Longnecks together, it's sure doing a good job at tearing some apart.

This was quite a nice surprise to brighten my boring day, ... aside from Old One's abysmal behavior.

The thing is, if someone like Old One manages to brainwash her followers into worshipping her regardless of what she does and says, she is likely to remain on top of command. :sducky

I really like your comment about this story tearing some longnecks apart although I'd like to blame this on the sequels not keeping together what was supposed to remain together  :bolt I think we can all tell that Ali's adventure won't go without consequences but how dire will they be? I'm glad I was able to free you of boredom for a little while on a random day a year ago :lol


Quote
This was quite an interesting scene and one that showed the highly differing personalities of Bron and your Old One. The difference between the former’s efforts to protect his herd and the latter’s hesitancy to help in that were really stark and showed just how capable a leader Bron really is. The argument was written quite well and the tension that rose during it were very tangible here. I liked the way Bron pushed her into a hesitant acceptance to acting the way any decent dinosaur should act. And indeed, he proved his capability to lead once again.

As for Ali, I’m not a fan of these kinds of one-scene sequences during a chapter as there is almost always something more to be built from scenes like that. It wasn’t too bothering but it’s something I prefer to avoid myself. And again, Old one seemed like a complete OC here and the herd is far from what we saw in the films. I know I’ve complained of it before but it strikes me again with every chapter. However, the main part of this installment was very good so well done with that

Thanks, I recall cringing at this scene in the original SDP when I reread it for reference so hearing you saying that Bron was written as a very capable leader showing his qualities in a well written argument means a lot to me :)

I will be frank, I agree with your statement about the short Ali sequence here. It's not a very bright way to cover this part of her story this way. My problem here is that I do not have enough things to cover during her journey to make this a full-fledged scene and any significant character development can only occur at a later point when her journey comes to a very difficult part. I simply wrote a short scene here as to prevent having a time skip of a few days without any signs of Ali doing anything whatsoever. I dislike timeskips if they can be prevented so sometimes even a small scene like this, while not extremely efficient, might find its way into a chapter. Certainly this is not something I do frequently and I will certainly keep the concerns you have raised concerning such scenes in the back of my mind from now on. If there's something you (or anyone else) would add to this scene if you were in my shoes, I'll gladly hear them and edit the chapter if it can be used without contradicting anything that comes later in the story  :^^spike


Quote
Posted by: rhombus
« on: July 28, 2019, 03:13:56 AM » Insert Quote
Now this was quite an enjoyable read considering what I personally think of the Old One in this particular continuity.  :p At first I thought that Bron would let the Old One have her way after exhausting every opportunity for a peaceful solution, but instead we get to see his abilities as leader firsthand. He expertly allows her to show herself to be intransigent in her demands and then he finally shows his hand - that he is willing to use force to achieve his just demands.  Considering the Old One's desire to maintain power and to quash dissent I do wonder what will happen now that she has shown weakness here.

Thank you, like Sovereign, for confirming that this is a major improvement over the first iteration of this scene lol :lol

I will be frank here as well, writing a side arc about Old One facing the consequences of her leadership in her herd could be very intriguing but, given just how many side plots this story is destined to have already now (Remember I have a tendency to develop random thoughts into spontaneous side stories, this is how Cho was born back then if you remember), I think may not want to dwell on that particular aspect on the story haha. Given Old One's tendency to disregard the sleepstories as mere nuisance as opposed to trying to understand them and given her overprotectiveness, we likely will not ever see her again in this story once Bron's herd will leave. I'm open to ideas though if you think this should be incorporated into the story :)


Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on August 02, 2020, 08:09:50 AM
Hmm, I was gonna upload the next chapter today but since no one gave a review yet, I'll give you guys another week to read if you haven't done so already.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on August 10, 2020, 02:29:19 PM
Chapter 14: Footprints

Ali’s mother crashed to the ground with a groan. No matter how hard she tried, she had to realize that her body wouldn’t be able to keep up with the things she wanted it to do. In order to rescue Ali, she’d have to walk day and night at her fastest pace, however she wasn’t as young as she used to be; her mid-aged body had limits which were entirely oblivious of her magnificent quest to find the girl. Moreover, her bottomless worry about her daughter's well-being was eating up all her remaining energy. It was a maddening condition. Didn't she have to mobilize everything she got in order to maximize the odds of success? Or, maybe, was this all her body could do?

It was barely nightbreak when she had to surrender for the day and lie down to sleep, her legs hurting from the fast pace she had maintained all day. Certainly, she had been going at double the speed they would travel at during their migrations. Ali couldn't possibly be traveling at such a rate, considering the fact that she was a lot smaller and couldn't cover nearly enough distance even if she broke into a jog.

As the longneck took a gaze into the distance, a number of bad feelings began to emerge. Somewhere out there, Ali was probably sleeping all by herself, a little lonely longneck with no means of direction and protection from predators. Although Ali's journey appeared to be roughly following the vague sense of direction so far which she could sense somewhere inside of her there was no telling if the child was able to feel it too. It might just be a case of luck; purely coincidental.

"More importantly, could I even protect her?"

Of course, sharpteeth could sneak up on Ali while she was wandering around all alone, all the more reason to hurry. However, even if she managed to find the girl could she prompt Ali to follow her back home? And even if she did manage to convince her, a feat quite unlikely after their horrendous quarrel, how could she even protect the child? How could she protect herself to begin with? Returning home to the herd was something as unlikely as sharpteeth being nice now that she was banned. There would be no safety for either of them.

Ali's words had stung but the little girl, even in her fury, did say a few things that weren't outright delusional. Her calling the herd members 'cowards' was certainly correct and she could tell that Ali's words had also referred to her own mother. In a world where survival was the most important thing to strive for, cowardice wasn't a sin. It was a life-preserving character trait; it had kept her alive all these harsh years. Throughout her life, she had always been surrounded by stronger longnecks to keep herself from danger. Only after Ali had lost her father back then, she had been forced to be the protective parent. Her cowardice had led her to join the first herd of longnecks that she had come across, a decision she regretted now. The adult knew exactly what Old One had meant when she had called her a useless member. She had never fought a predator.

She couldn't protect anyone.

Adding to the fear for Ali's safety as well as her own, the feelings of regret and low self-esteem became ever so profound as the last light slowly retreated in the west, the night now fully dark and gloomy.

Suddenly, she felt a sense of fright creep up her spine. What if a predator was just lying in wait to eat her once she had fallen asleep? What if Ali was targeted? Would she ever be able to find her sweet little Ali before something happened to either of them? The trails were thankfully still recognizable in the loose layer of dust and sand which covered a layer of sunbaked soil becoming hard as rock. One windy day and the dust would be stirred up; any clues about Ali's whereabouts would be gone forever. She absolutely mustn’t let that happen but there was nothing she could do to influence the wind. She felt powerless. For now, all she could do was rest her legs and hope that tomorrow she’d be able to walk further.

Worries were continuing to gnaw at her even as she attempted to rest. Tears falling from her eyes for quite a while, she eventually found into an uneasy sleep.

*

If by some peculiar instinct, Bron woke up when the night was still not quite over yet. The Night Circle still roamed on the sky although it was already sinking close to the horizon at this point. Dawn was only an hour away at best.

As he lay awake, unable to fall back asleep, a lot of worries plagued him. The brown longneck was once again reminded of the fight with the other herd as he threw a glance into the forest behind him. Even though Old One had claimed to grant him and his herd reluctant permission to stay for a night, Bron had an awful feeling. The old longneck might have enough spite inside of her to exploit the limits of her statement to the maximum. There was a possibility, at least, that they wouldn't let them have a full night of rest, appearing at the first sign of dawn to chase them out. Bron knew for a fact that the old leader wouldn't back down a second time if he challenged her sense of time. A fight between the two herds mustn't break out!

On a whim, Bron decided to wake his herd just before the Night Circle left the sky. As it turned out, his predictions were perfectly accurate. The sky was barely beginning to light up in the east and Bron’s herd had hardly finished eating another few days’ worth of food while drinking plenty of water when a line of longnecks emerged from the central parts of the valley.

“I see you weren’t lying about your ambitions at all, young one.” Old One emerged from the line of longnecks, approaching Bron who quickly rushed to the scene while his herd gathered behind him again.

“Unfortunately, that also goes for the amount of food you stole from us so greedily…” she sighed with a hint of anger, looking at the whole area which was pretty much stripped of its food. “I take it you are leaving now?”

“Yes, we will be on our way any moment now,” Bron confirmed with a nod, noting that Old One wasn’t nearly as rude as on the previous evening although this probably had something to do with the fact that his deputy was glaring at the old dinosaur rather sharply.

“Just out of curiosity, where are you headed to?” Old One interrogated almost formally. Bron could only muse where that sudden interest arose from but he answered her nevertheless, appreciating the more diplomatic encounter for what it was after expecting to be chased out.

“As I mentioned yesterday, we are embarking on a journey to find out what the sleepstories are telling us,” Bron explained calmly. “I take it you are thinking little of it?”

“Quite correctly so,” Old One growled. “You have got to be delusional to go on a journey, blindly following some intuition or whatever else is giving you directions. There is no gain if safety is at stake.”

“I beg to differ,” Bron replied with a smile. “If you honestly paid any attention to your sleepstories then you would know that there’s a great event all longnecks are supposed to be seeing and participating in. Who knows, maybe it’ll be something incredible or maybe there’s something we need to do? I really can’t tell but sitting around with this feeling would drive me crazy, not knowing what I might encounter, not knowing what I might miss. Don’t you feel the same, Old One?”

“Stop talking about this nonsense already,” the old dinosaur demanded. “Anyway, what direction are you headed to?”

“Gee, I wonder why that even concerns you after everything you’ve said,” Bron answered with a mirthful glance. “Well, you’ll probably spy after us either way so I might as well… You see, we’re walking with the Great Circle in our backs, moving slightly towards its evening position each day. That’s the rough direction we need to go but I’m certain that you, too, can feel it, right?”

“That does not concern you, young one,” Old One said drily with a derogative look at Bron. “Either way, that’s excellent. In return for granting you food and a place to stay, I demand that you follow and find a fugitive from our ranks who dared challenge my leadership. They should be headed the same direction so capture them and return them to this oasis!”

Bron deadpanned.

“Uhm, excuse me but what exactly are you planning to do with that fugitive longneck?” the brown-ish coloured longneck requested with a befuddled look.

“That is a matter of my herd, it does not concern you,” Old One shrugged him off.

“Also, if I may,” Will chimed in. “What’s in for us? We don’t gain a thing from such a deal.”

“Indeed, you are in my debt after all,” Old One said in direct response to the deputy with a matter-of-fact, sly grin. “And, as such, I expect – no, demand that you take my quest.”

“Well, we’re on a tight schedule so… I respectfully decline,” Bron explained with a grin. “After all, it’s none of our concern. I humbly recommend that you take your herd matters into your own responsibility.”

“You…” Old one hissed but Will stepped forward.

“You bunch of lunatics shall not pursue us or cause us any trouble, is that clear?” he said quietly but it had just the same effect as yelling around. Old One slowly backed away.

“Well, we’ll be on our way,” Bron said, apparently in great spirits. “If you change your mind about going, you'd better hurry or you won’t make it!”

“Not bloody thinking about it…” Old One mumbled through gritted teeth.”

“Very well, longnecks, follow me!” Bron called and, before sunrise they had left the small valley.

Shorty looked back at the valley where the other herd was still standing, still observing and making sure they were really departing.

“What a crazy herd indeed…” he muttered as the first rays of the Bright Circle enriched the land with light and warmth, soon to turn into unbearable heat.

“Capturing someone… what a funny request,” Bron wondered out loud too.

“You know,” Shorty piped up as his focus returned to the path ahead, rocky and somewhat dusty wasteland with nothing but the occasional boulder standing out from the monotony wherever he looked. “I’ve just been thinking, Bron… I’m really happy I didn’t bump into some old witch like Old One back then. I’m glad I found you instead.”

Bron slowed down significantly to look down at the green-coloured boy.

“Oh my, I didn’t realize but, every once in a season, you actually say something nice, Shorty.” Bron bent down his neck to nuzzle Shorty who backed away at first until he reluctantly endured it. “I’m glad that I met you too. Life would be boring without you. Come along now.”

Although a bit embarrassed, Shorty returned Bron’s smile and they continued to walk for a while. Soon the valley was out of sight, nothing but endless wastelands surrounding them. The longer he thought about it, the more it actually began to bother Shorty. He certainly wasn’t born with great empathy for others but being kicked out of a herd sounded a bit harsh in his ears. Old One may have called them a fugitive but even Shorty could read between the lines.

“A fugitive questioning her leadership… they must have left knowing they’d be booted…”

Sending a longneck away like that to travel such a dangerous and hostile landscape all alone didn’t sit well with him no matter from what perspective he tried to look at the situation. Or perhaps he could simply relate?

“Bron, can’t we do something about that longneck they kicked out? I kinda wanna help them, you know?”

Bron raised his eyebrows quite a lot as his attention turned to Shorty.

“My, what’s up with you today?” he wondered curiously. “You haven’t done something bad, acting all nice so I don’t get suspicious of you, have you?”

Shorty responded with a shocked expression.

“Uhm, what? No, I didn’t do anything, honestly! It’s just… it kinda bothers me what happened to that longneck…”

“Speaking from experience there, are we?” Bron raised another eyebrow.

“I guess so,” Shorty simply replied with a shrug, not feeling like reminiscing in the past right now. “I wouldn’t wanna be kicked from my herd… then again… I wouldn’t wanna be in that herd to begin with!”

“Neither would I want to be in that herd,” Bron confirmed with a sigh. “Well, I can relate to your concerns and, to be frank, I share them too. If that longneck is following their sleepstories too, then we should bump into them sooner or later unless they’re really fast.”

“Maybe we could look for their foot trails?” Shorty suggested.

“Brilliant!” Bron exclaimed happily. “Keep your eyes open then.”

“Okay!” Shorty immediately began looking although it would take him until late in the evening to spot the trail far to their right.

"Bron, I think I'm seeing it!" the boy eventually exclaimed. The Bright Circle stood low, helping with the discovery as the long shadows increased the contrast of anything that wasn't too flat to throw a shadow in the first place.

Immediately after confirming Shorty's discovery with his own eyes, Bron adapted their course slightly so they could inspect it.

“Hmm, a trail of just one longneck heading roughly the same direction as we do,” Bron spoke as he slowly followed the trail for a moment. The desert was particularly dusty where they were, almost sandy in some patches even, so trails were very well visible.

“I guess it won’t hurt to follow as long as that longneck doesn’t deviate from our path too much, right?”

“Yeah!” Shorty agreed eagerly. “Let’s go after them!”

“Wait a second, Bron…” both Bron and Shorty turned around to see deputy Will approach them, apparently overhearing their talk. The tall longneck wore an uneasy expression.

“Hey Will, what’s the matter?” Bron interrogated with a happy smile. “It’s not sharpteeth, is it?”

“No, although one can never rule that out…” Will replied drily. “Bron, don’t you think it’s better to stay out of that herd’s business? We can only guess how lunatic that leader is… she might just try to hunt that longneck down on her own or try to assault us… I think meddling with their business only leads to no good!”

“Hmm…” Bron pondered. “Can’t argue there but what can those guys really do? There isn’t anyone following us, is there?”

“Who knows, wouldn't surprise me,” Will grunted. “We should leave that longneck be and be on our way.”

“I see your point but we’re headed the same direction so I think it’s safe to follow those footprints for now. If they start to differ from our path, we can think about it again? I feel like there’s something we can gain if we follow that longneck.” Bron tried to convince his deputy but it wasn’t quite as easy.

“Urgh, Bron, I don’t know…”

Meanwhile, Shorty continued to study the footprints. Every now and then, smaller footprints seemed to stick out between the big ones, almost as if another, much smaller longneck, had walked this path too. A child? Shorty's curiosity was immediately awakened. As Bron began to try arguing with emotions and empathy, the boy investigated the footprints with utmost concentration, glad to have something to do as boredom was a common problem during their journey. No matter how far he looked, it always seemed like the grown-up had stepped onto the small ones which meant…

“Bron, can I say something real quick?” he piped up excitedly.

“What is it?” Will grunted angrily, strongly disliking Shorty for all the mischief he would often cause. “Don’t you see we’re busy here?!”

“It’s about the footprints!” Shorty cried. “Look at them closely, there’s a second pair and it belongs to someone with feet of my size!”

“A child’s footprints?” Bron bent down his neck to take a closer look. Indeed, Shorty hadn’t been lying. Although a little washed out from the wind and constantly covered up by the bigger ones, one could clearly recognize a second trail - the trail of a child about Shorty’s size.

“Maybe that longneck had a child and took it along?” Shorty suggested.

“Those trails are older than the ones the adult left,” Will grunted. “Probably that child’s a runaway, a no-good and the parent is going after them.”

“Shut up…” Shorty grunted sourly. “They might need our help…”

“I’d say forget them and move on!” the deputy thundered. “Bron?”

“Well, I also believe that we should follow them, especially if your guess about the runaway is true, Will…” Bron said in a troubled voice. “They wouldn’t last long against the sharpteeth here and I’d rather save them if it’s within my range of possibilities.”

“Urgh, do whatever you want then, Bron!” Will ranted and turned away, leaving him alone with Shorty.

“What’s his problem?!” Shorty grunted in annoyance.

“Beats me,” Bron shrugged. “Well, let’s follow the footprints for a little longer and see if we can catch up to them.”

“Yeah, thanks Bron!” Shorty agreed and so they walked well into the night that day.

*

Ali looked up at the starry sky. Her legs hurt like crazy and the combined efforts of hunger, thirst and exhaustion were beginning to take a serious toll on her. Moreover so, loneliness was eventually creeping up on her like an old friend as she spent day and night all by herself without a soul to accompany her. At first, the outlook of meeting Littlefoot and his friends was enough to comfort her but, gradually, being the only dinosaur in an endless desert began gnawing at her. Had it really been the right thing to leave home, leave her herd, leave her mother? Hadn’t she been a little bit too rash in her desperate attempt to run away?

No matter how long these thoughts continued to spiral in her head that night, Ali knew that it was already too late to turn around. Regret was growing stronger within her heart but all she could do was hoping it’d somehow work out.

The moment she gave up was the moment she lost the game after all and Ali wouldn’t lose faith that easily. Tomorrow, she would rise again and walk endless distances through neverending dry lands, hoping that her sleepstories wouldn’t lead her astray…

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

A little unusual to have no feedback but I suppose a 1-year hiatus can do that to you  :bolt

This chapter continues where I left off last year. Bron leaves the small valley where Old One resides and decides to follow Ali's mother who trying to find Ali while struggling with insecurities from a (not quite yet) disclosed past. I know Ali's part is really short again but there is little to write. Going chronologically, it made sense to write a small update about her mental and physical state as she continues her reckless journey. She'll certainly have a somewhat bigger scene in the next chapter  :yes

This chapter was only grazing a 2k word count (wrote it way over a year ago) but I did a lot of editing here (now slightly over 3k). Particularly the initial scene about Ali's Mother and the scene before Bron has another chat with Old One have been extended quite a bit. There's also another idea that's been brought to my attention (Shorty finding Ali's foofprints could be written better) but, for now, I'll save it for an eventual overhaul of the earlier chapters (it's definitely coming, I wasn't aware of certain things back then and my writing style evolved a bit since then). For now, my priority is to keep the updates strong and regular though.

Chapters for SDP are definitely going to be much shorter than chapters for other stories, at least for the moment as there's only so much I can pack into these right now. I'm trying to stay within the bounds of 2,5-7.5k for now.

The next chapter will elaborate on the events of chapter 14. Are they going to find Ali's Mother? Is Ali's Mother going to find Ali? How's Ali faring? And how is Bron going to deal with a new discovery they make? Come back next week to find out!  :PAli
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on August 16, 2020, 11:52:32 PM
Chapter 15: A slice of danger

Two days later, the riddle around the footprints still hadn’t been solved. Naturally, Bron and his herd had been following the trail ever since. It didn't divert from their supposed route at all but they hadn't been able to catch up to their targets despite Bron urging his herd to walk as fast as they could.

He still had no idea why he was so keen on getting involved with the other herd's matters, however he supposed that he was simply too kind a dinosaur to ignore the matter at hand. He had lost too much during his life to look away at the prospect of a longneck much like himself losing their home and, if Shorty’s hunch turned out to be true, their child too. After all, the trails were still strongly suggesting that the adult was following the more washed out tracks of the longneck child.

Shorty's interest in the fate of the longnecks didn't waver either for, Bron surmised, the boy, unpopular as he was among the herd's youth and adults alike, was hoping to find a playmate at last. Frankly speaking, Bron wouldn't be unhappy if this hunch would turn out to be true. To think that Shorty would quit hanging out with him due to the sheer depth of his boredom… As a matter of fact, it'd mean Shorty wouldn't be pestering him half of the day and get up to mischief the other half of it.

Helping out these poor longnecks might actually improve his life significantly. They'd just have to find the longneck and its child before something bad happened to them. Bron doubted greatly that a lone child could survive a land like the one they were passing for long - and chances weren't too glorious for a lone longneck either to be fair. The only reason he could travel with relative ease of mind was the protection that their sheer numbers provided. A lone traveler, not to mention a kid, didn't have that sharptooth-repelling advantage after all and chances were rather slim that they possessed great combat abilities either. They were prime targets as a matter of fact.

As night was drawing ever closer that day, putting an end to another day of walking in tormenting, scorching heat across devastated landscapes, Will walked up to Bron just shortly after stopping for the night in the middle of nowhere, although the place was slightly elevated from the surrounding area. Immediately, it became clear that the tall and muscular longneck didn't drop by for a chunk of gossip.

"Bron!" he called rather loudly, drawing Shorty's attention as well who was sitting a little distance away gazing in the distance in apparent boredom.

Bron, who immediately recognized Will's agitation, hurried over to meet him halfway.

"What's the matter? Any trouble arising?" the brownish longneck inquired.

"Possibly," came Will's immediate response. "Intelligence has taken sight of two sharpteeth in the far distance."

"Sharpteeth, you say?" Bron's eyebrows rippled as his mind worked vividly. "What kind of sharpteeth are we talking about?"

"Can't say for certain," the deputy grunted. "Getting dark and they're far ahead. One good thing about this blasted flat desert - you can spot anything coming hours before it reaches you. Looks like big biters either way."

"Where were they spotted?" Bron asked casually as he reviewed his options.

"When I got a glimpse of them myself, they were headed the same direction as us though they were far to the right of our path." Will looked at the herd leader with an expression of concern. "How shall we act now that we know of these sharpteeth?"

Bron's forehead grew ripples as well.

"If it's just two of them, there shouldn't be a problem," he spoke slowly, still working on a thorough plan as he answered. "We should take all our usual precautions; increased night guards, a tighter formation, keeping children in the center of the herd and so on…" he elaborated while still obtaining his pondering expression.

"Obviously," Will grunted grumpily. "What about our path? I'd say let's stray somewhat to the left where the Circle rises in the morning."

Bron examined the suggestion carefully when Shorty, having overheard everything from his position, jogged up to the two adults.

"Bron, you're not going to abandon those trails, are you?"

Bron cast a quick look at the newcomer which was a mixture of a scowl and gratitude. Albeit clearly mingling with adult matters (Will sent a very unamused stare the green boy's way as Bron didn't fail to register), Shorty had voiced what he was afraid of suggesting. Deep inside, he knew that Will's suggestion was based on cold logic and facts - usually the best thing to keep in mind when making important decisions, however his heart was speaking a different language. These sharpteeth surely hadn't noticed them yet (or else, he surmised, they'd have turned around) but what if they had taken notice of something else? Yes, what if they were stalking the lone longneck from afar, waiting for the right moment to catch them off-guard? And even if they happened to take notice of his herd, what could they possibly do other than hope for a lucky miracle (or a thorough battering, Bron thought grimly)? Numbers were on his side whereas a single longneck would be an ideal target, especially after many days of travel without food and water. Bron felt responsible for the well-being of the lone longneck and its runaway child, thus arguing against his deputy's proposal.

"I surmise two sharpteeth can hardly cause any significant harm to the herd as long as we take all precautions and keep them where we can see them," Bron explained matter-of-factly to a disgruntled Will. "I'd like to keep the current course regardless of this new danger for it is a danger we can and will deal with if circumstances demand for it."

"Are you listening to the insolent boy again?!" Will shouted in significant displeasure, his eyes flickering at innocent Shorty who was looking expectantly at Bron.

"Not exactly," Bron said evasively, avoiding Will's direct stare. "It just so happens that I share his thoughts and concerns about the dinosaurs these trails unmistakably belong to."

"Nonsense, you must do what is best for the herd and that's avoiding those blasted sharpteeth, not walking straight towards them!" Will took a heavy breath in his agitated state.

"The herd is hardly in danger," Bron said casually. "But I daresay that longneck whose trails we're tailing is significantly in danger. Who do you think those sharpteeth might be after? They're likely stalking, waiting for a chance to attack. I reckon we should… "

"No we ruddy shouldn't!" Will thundered, loud enough to stir nearby herd members. "Will you stop letting your ruddy emotions get in the way of making decisions you need to make? Will you ruddy stop endangering the herd's safety unnecessarily?!"

Bron's casual look vanished from his face.

"Why take risks when there's a safer way? Why risk a brawl with deadly sharpteeth when it can be avoided for a stupid longneck who mightn't even want our help?"

Bron gave a mighty sigh. Will was undoubtedly someone relying on cold, cruel logic. It was part of the reason why he was chosen deputy not soon after the herd had formed and, although his ideals often clashed with his own, they had always been able to make good decisions. It seemed to Bron though that Will was more irritating than usual ever since they had set off on their journey. Casting aside those musings, Bron spoke up.

"I stand firm in my belief that we should be following the trails. Those sharpteeth aren't likely to be a threat and if they indeed have any ambitions you know we'll crush them like we always do."

"Tomorrow we stray from the trails," Will grunted more quietly. "Last word's yours 'f course but know that I'll blame you for anything that'll happen." And before Bron could get another word in, he had stormed off. Exchanging shrugs with Shorty, Bron assumed that the deputy had given in, although reluctant, to his plan.

"Tomorrow we'll find that longneck, I surmise," Bron spoke quietly, a dark vibe mixing into his tired voice. Would they arrive in time to save them from the sharpteeth? Both longnecks had a rather restless sleep that night.

*

*thud*

A cloud of dust rose from the ground as the small pink longneck dropped to the ground under the watch of the rising Night Circle. The last remnants of daylight were vanishing at last; the heat was finally on the retreat. The desert had turned from a flat, rocky hellscape into an even more hellish sandscape. Dunes tall as mountains reigned mercilessly over the area and, after crossing one too many of those monstrosities, her legs could move no more. It had been another day full of pain and suffering.

Although nighttime was much more bearable than the scorching afternoon heat, Ali could still feel the relentless heat even now. The Bright Circle was still burning her weakening body after its disappearance from the sky, the irritating pain still present. Shivers ran through her body soon as the Night Circle fully took reign of the sky, bringing the cold of the night along. Ironic, wasn't it, that after being tortured by the heat of the day, she was now freezing. Freezing so bad that Ali found enough strength to shake, yet her body wouldn't rise.

Her mouth was dry, so dry in fact that part of the skin inside was cut and inflamed. Ever since dropping head-first into the dune, sand was filling it too. Ali couldn't seem to find the strength to spit it out.

Things had deteriorated alarmingly fast. Two days ago, the girl had been full of spirit, dreaming of the day she'd meet Littlefoot again whereas now she wasn't even sure if she'd be able to get up in the morning to come. Ali was hungry but that wasn't the problem. Her thirst was killing her and her whole body had begun to ache not only from exhaustion but from the scorching heat as well, joined by an ever worsening, pulsating headache. It was particularly pronounced on her back and the back of her head. Would she even be able to take another day out in the unforgiving desert?

As Ali lay there, unable to move, shivering and suffering from great pain, she finally began to allow a thought she had constantly blocked from her consciousness to reach the surface of her mind.

"It was a mistake!" Suddenly, a few hot tears shot into her dry eyes though her body almost immediately shut the supply as Ali wept quietly and drily for there was simply not enough water in her body for it to go to waste like that.

"Running from home, running from mother, it was all a big mistake! I will never… I will never see him again!"

Heavy sobs shook her battered body, causing additional pain and exhaustion. Panic and fear, not to lose Littlefoot but to lose her very life, was grasping her tight as if attempting to suffocate the little girl. Ali had walked too fast; she had walked too far to turn around, knowing that the distance was enormous and her resources drained. Her only chance was to keep going until her legs would break, leaning on the miniscule hope that, behind the dunes, water was waiting. However, even if it was there in reach, would Ali even have enough energy left to rise again?

"Littlefoot, what am I supposed to do? Help me!" she screamed though no sound escaped her mouth - it was all in her head. The image of Littlefoot didn't turn up this time; had even her best friend abandoned her? Ali only cried harder as despair did its frightening handiwork. Would she really die here in this hell, all alone? Would anyone ever know?

Ali's despair grew to such heights that her body managed to rock, squeeze out some more tears and cry out for help despite the fact that she was injuring the skin of her dry mouth with every cry, despite the fact that the desert was completely devoid of life.

She was all alone; nobody could hear her pleas for help. Only when the Night Circle stood high above her, Ali passed out at last.

*

Another day had passed; another day of fighting her way through this blasted desert, another day seeing nothing but the footprints Ali had left on the rocky floor which was merely covered by a thin layer of powder-like sand and dust. The footprints didn't seem to lead her any closer to her dear daughter no matter how far she walked and no matter how much she pushed herself to increase her speed. There was no doubt that the trails belonged to Ali, but where was she? Her head start had been about a day, she reckoned, but, after a couple of days, shouldn’t she have caught up with the small child by now? Ali was barely reaching the height of her knees; there was no way the girl could walk as fast as she could with those little legs of hers!

Regardless, she hadn't caught up. The trails were slightly washed out by the gentle breeze which meant they were at least a few hours old.

"I'd never have guessed that a little child could walk so fast… oh Ali." With a heavy sigh, Ali's mother collapsed onto the still warm floor, the last of her strength leaving her at once. No matter how much she pushed herself, she was too exhausted by the end of the day to walk into the night. Now if that was what the girl was doing each night… but where did she take the energy? And, surely, the girl couldn’t keep it up forever? She was bound to crash from lack of sleep sooner or later, right?

It was only on second thought that the grown-up realized that she may have underestimated the amount of growth Ali had undertaken in recent time, possibly blurring her understanding of the speed at which Ali seemed to be traveling.

None of this really mattered at this point though. All she could do was to keep doing her very best catching up with Ali, hoping (or dreading?) that Ali would struggle with the harsh conditions before she would, allowing her to get closer at last. Although determined to rest well in order to be full of strength in the next morning, the thoughts about Ali and her well-being kept her from finding rest for a long time just like every night.

A fair distance from her, a pair of sharpteeth also settled down for the night - she hadn't noticed them whereas the predators had certainly taken notice of her.

And they were starving.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Here's chapter 15 everyone. Another two days have passed out there in the Mysterious Beyond and while this chapter is short, it comes with some interesting developments. While Bron and Will are clashing over the decision how to react to some sharpteeth, Ali's Mother could possibly be targeted by them but she isn't aware of the danger due to her worries about Ali overshadowing everything,
Meanwhile, Ali has reached her limits, realizing her folly. Everyone is in a bit of a tough spot, how are things going to play out? The next chapter will cover Littlefoot's journey again, however this storyline will continue in chapter 17, yep yep yep!
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on September 08, 2020, 11:06:22 AM
A Slice of Danger:

The initial scene really makes us feel for Bron's dilemma here and his decision-making.  He wishes to help Ali and her mother out of kindness (and also Shorty's opinion on the matter) but in the process he is putting the herd under some risk.  I can't help but think that Will has a point here and his cold, cruel logic is not necessarily cruel.  Rather I see him looking at the situation from a utilitarian perspective with his main concern being his herd.  However, Will does seem to be overlooking the advantages that their herd would have over a few sharptooth.  As such, I cant help but think that both Bron and Will are being guided by their emotions here.  I just fear that Bron might be overlooking the risk of a schism here if things go poorly...

And then comes the final scene and the risks that Ali and her mother are now facing comes into clear focus, especially as the starving sharpteeth notice a rather suitable meal...

Thoughts, stories and a canyon:

In light of the current character showcase (the useless sharptooth from LBT 6) I do appreciate the shout out in the discussion between Littlefoot and the grandparents in this scene considering the events of that film. :)  Additionally it was interesting to see Littlefoot's thoughts as he goes on his (almost) lonely journey in the Mysterious Beyond.  It is understandable that he thinks about those who live like this everyday, such as Pterano and Doc, and wonder how they do it.  With an extrovert like Littlefoot it must be a disturbing thought.

In any case, this chapter sets up a nice contrast between the far-walker protagonists (Bron, Ali, and Ali's mother).  This showcases the collision of perspectives that is about to occur.

I look forward to seeing what happens next.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on April 20, 2021, 05:35:55 PM
Quote
Thoughts, stories and a canyon:

In light of the current character showcase (the useless sharptooth from LBT 6) I do appreciate the shout out in the discussion between Littlefoot and the grandparents in this scene considering the events of that film. :)  Additionally it was interesting to see Littlefoot's thoughts as he goes on his (almost) lonely journey in the Mysterious Beyond.  It is understandable that he thinks about those who live like this everyday, such as Pterano and Doc, and wonder how they do it.  With an extrovert like Littlefoot it must be a disturbing thought.

In any case, this chapter sets up a nice contrast between the far-walker protagonists (Bron, Ali, and Ali's mother).  This showcases the collision of perspectives that is about to occur.

I look forward to seeing what happens next.
@rhombus
I do appreciate the review even though the chapter didn't make its way here due to... circumstances. Really cool that you left a review regardless  :littlefoot:)

Now, as y'all know, my days on this forum are counted. I have no intention (or time, really) to stick around but there's still stuff keeping me here. Every once in a while, I actually regret that my writing is suffering from my retirement from this fandom but even more so from my real life situation. I've been working full-time for half a year now and since my work place isn't exactly around the corner, I'm away from home for about 12 hours a day. Not exactly good for creative writing, right?

I hate leaving stuff unfinished which is pretty much the only reason you'll see the odd update every once in a while. Not because I still want to write for this community but because I want to see this story finished one day. Doesn't matter how long that takes. It will happen. Because I only write for myself now and need not worry about meeting anyone's expectation's but my own.

I'm on a rare spree of motivation right now with a vacation coming up in may. Looks like that might amount to a few chapters. You'll have to head over to ff.net though, doing the formatting here ain't worth my precious time, you know?

-

A'right, now to business. Chapter 16 has a received a few upgrades since I posted it last year. I'll update it on ff.net and add the link once it's done. 17 & 18 are ready to release anytime now. Everything else depends on how much stuff I can get done during my time off work. I'm also working on a few key scenes further down in the future of the story though so don't get your hopes too high. If it happens, good for you, I guess? If it doesn't, well, no one here would probably complain  :taunttroll

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13024124/17/Shorty-s-Dark-Past-20

PS: Don't ask about other stories, I'll work on those if I feel like it.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on January 10, 2023, 05:39:27 AM
massive cringe at my previous post  :bolt

Uhh, hi again  :rainbowwave

I hate using my story yet again for life upgrades but don't worry it'll all tie down to this story again if you don't mind reading a few lines.

It's been almost two years since my last update not just on SDP but on any of my stories that are on hiatus. During late 2021, I finally made the transition from daytime shifts to working nights and weekends at work too (for those who aren't aware, I'm working at a lab specializing at analyzing blood samples and other human fluids for both a small hospital and all sorts of doctors and private clients) which came with unique challenges but also opportunities. Around the same time, I also ended up deciding to support the head of department that joined the lab around the time of my last post. While factually very competent they had... anger issues. They didn't have a 2nd in line so all things considered, I eventually decided to offer taking on that position, hoping that I could influence her in some ways and be someone my co-workers could come to when there were issues. Well, guess what? My boss screwed up big time not long after that and had to be suspended immediately. Guess who now had to run the lab? Yeah... right  :spikenotamused

Those who know me probably know that I'm not a person who should be given responsibility but I took on the challenge regardless in spite of my inexperience and lack of soft skills and QM knowledge to run a lab and keep about 20 co-workers organized. To say it was a pain in the ass would be an understatement but I learned a lot not only about myself but also about people and how to deal with them, how to solve problems and how to think ahead in order to stop problems before they are created in the first place. I had a lot of help from my team which encouraged me to do my best even if it hurt my private life considerably.

Unrelated (probably) but around this time we started running into some issues of being understaffed which increased my workload considerably in addition to the additional nights and weekends that I had to work now and all the things I now had to juggle with my regular work (I didn't really get a lot of office time)

I also moved into the city where I work around this same time which came with additional issues and adjustments while increasing he amount of time I had available marginally, however work ate the little difference away.

260 hrs of overtime later, I've finally been demoted back to 2nd in line last month when we found someone to take the job. I'll still have quite a lot on my plate for a few more months as it takes a while to teach what I know but with the addition of new staff being hired too and a possible fusion with another lab on the horizon, I think things should begin to improve for me significantly on that front soon. Maybe I can even reduce my hours for a year or two in order to have some more time to myself? At least financially it wouldn't be an issue as I only have to keep myself fed.

Why am I telling you all of this, you wonder? Well, there are a few reasons.

The first should be obvious: I may have more time for writing in the near future  :^^spike

The second reason is a bit of a retrospective thing. As you all know, a lot happened. Yes, a lot. I wrote the previous post while feeling quite angry about a lot of things. I've been put through many challenges during the past two years as I made the transition from a young adult preparing for work life to actually participating and contributing to society, even leading people more than twice as old as I am now. I'm 26 now and I think these recent two years have changed me in many ways. I'm starting to accept that I'm actually an adult now. It's still a scary thought but it is what it is. I've started becoming more open towards certain things, broadened my horizon in many aspects of life and, I suppose, I also forgot a little about this forum and its community as well as why I initially decided to stop contributing to it. I'm no longer a dedicated fan of the fandom anymore and that will likely never return (I'm much more active in certain anime communities nowadays) but there's one thing that'll bring me back time and again and that's, yes you guessed it, my stories.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. From here on, this will be story-related.

A few days ago I hit my 10 years anniversary here on the forum. Crazy to think how much time that actually is and yet how recent it felt when I sat in front of my first laptop excitedly typing random shit without knowing how to write a proper story. But, alas, that's how SDP was born, almost exactly 10 years ago. Kind of sad to think how little it actually progressed over the years. If there's one thing about writing that can't be denied, it's this. It takes time, lots of it. Just having 2-3 hours each day after work just doesn't cut it. It's much easier to relax with a game or a nice anime, chatting with friends or doing the odd chore *shudder* when all you have is this little time.

Time is just one part of the equation though. Just considering the three games I started playing over the course of the previous year and the combined hours I spent playing them yields around 1500 hours and I've been playing other games on and off too. That's time I could have spent writing or otherwise being creative and productive in some ways. We could be at the same point where the first version of the story left off by now but, alas, we're still in the stinking old traveling arc that's so underwhelmingly boring compared to all the things that I have planned for this story. Just thinking about all those plot twists makes me want to write and share them with the world immediately.

But unfortunately writing is never guaranteed to yield results and more often than not the end result is not optimal or even frustrating when forcing yourself to deliver in spite of your mental state. Being "in the zone" can be vital and I haven't been in that zone for well over a year now. I'm enjoying a week off right now and just happened to find some motivation again to continue this story, pick up my old ideas and refine them into something better. I've been in "the zone" for the first time in ages today! I'm just running on caffeine, excitement and really good music at this point but I wouldn't wanna have it any other way. :)littlefoot

I think it's about time to get to the point, shall I?  :duckyOK

Even though I've (mostly) been idle as far as my writing is concerned, I learned today that some things have... changed. Not only did I become more grown up and mature, I found out recently, that my writing has taken that next step as well. Since it's been so long, I thought about rereading the story, looking at it as if being a reader rather than the author, taking notes, interpreting and analyzing what's going on while also looking at things a little more critically than I usually would when it comes to my own biased work. I was hoping to find some clues both in the old version as well as in whatever I managed to write of the remake yet in order to figure out some key characterizations of very important characters, characterizations that I cannot reference from the movies due to the nature of this story being vastly different up to point of being unrecognizable from the source material (as it should be) or simply due to the fact that part of the cast consists of OCs with massive relevance to the story.

The restructuring of the story that led to 2.0 in the first place changed many things around and I'm still in the process of figuring everything out as everything that'll happen during the "oasis arc" of the story largely won't be recognizable from the parts I managed to write for the original version of the story before that got cancelled in favor of 2.0. (and the travelling arc increased from around 15 to almost 50 planned chapters which is a net increase of about 500% in wordcount (just an approximation)) It's a decision that I still believe was necessary. I'd been running myself into a lot of issues that ultimately revealed the sheer amount of inexperience apparent in my writing. It was neither beautiful nor meaningful in any way. It was bad, it was the work of an amateur both style- and plotwise. I still loved the core idea and after some time spent observing and rereading, I eventually came up with the restructured and much more detailed version you're probably familiar with now (or at least whatever I managed to upload yet).

I haven't added any content during the last two years but I haven't been entirely idle. Does anyone by chance remember old chapter 37? Yeah, that one actually retelling the things Shorty went through during the childhood that the movies never explained, ultimately leading to him ending up with Bron and a bunch of hatchlings in his wake. Back then, 7k chapters like that one were a feat to feel proud of. As of today, the story starts with a 7k chapter. But I'll get to that later.

As it happens, I was struggling with the portrayal of Shorty, his motivations, feelings and fears the most, preventing any further organization of my ideas into a more streamlined chapter plan that I could rely on. I wrote some random chapters without context or connection to the rest of the story. Key scenes, mostly. Scenes featuring the characters I was struggling with the most to get a better idea of how I want to portray them and how to do things differently from the original. Though, I won't know if they still fit once I get to these parts of the story (anyone wanna bet on how old I'll be whenever that happens? lol).

Coming back to old chapter 37, though, I've actually been working on turning this 7k chapter into a whole little arc within the story that spans several chapters (probably around 50k words alone once it's done) so that's another thing to look forward to in 20 years or so, maybe? :bolt

okay, this time for real, here's the thing I've actually wanted to ask you guys

In a sudden turn of events, during the aforementioned rereading session, I randomly began nitpicking on smaller things. At first, I changed some wordings. Then entire sentences. A few hours later, the chapter was twice as long and had some massive improvements over the 2.0 version, entirely new scenes that I was able to write precisely because I had been dabbling with Shorty's past as opposed to just continuing to add content like any sane author would rather do, all fitting within the frame that the 2.0 chapter provided. A similar thing happened with the prologue scene which saw some significant improvements in its writing style (in my opinion) as the 2.0 version was severely lacking some good descriptions to help the scene come alive.

I haven't even gotten past chapter 1 with this rereading session yet and we already have two chapters edited so massively that it'll warrant a full re-upload as those scenes may change your perception of the story and the characters that live, laugh and, most importantly, suffer in it. I don't think every chapter will magically double in size but I'm fairly sure that, in order to provide good consistency, I will eventually have to go over all chapters written so far to apply enhancements linked to my increased experience not only with the story and its planning and plot, character development and world building, but also my increased abilities on the stylistic front.

I know people generally don't recommend rewriting things before they're finished and ready to be edited, however I can be quite a perfectionist and need to reread things either way if I want to continue writing new content for the currently active story line so I suppose there's not much I can do now that the process has already begun.

I would like to keep this story 2.0 regardless, as it's not a major restructuring event, just an upgrade if you will. And I would like to ask you guys for advice, how I should handle this "upgrade". Do you want me to re-upload everything first (since I'm just editing rather than writing from scratch. a weekly schedule should be within the realm of possibility) and then continue the new stuff from there? Would you rather see me replacing the old chapters? Should I keep this topic? Should I perhaps make a new one and let this one die again (lol)? Should I mix re-uploads and new content to balance things? And, more importantly, as ff.net works a bit differently from a forum, what's the best approach over there? Replacing old chapters including my replies to old reviews might not be the best thing to do, admittedly...


Anyone still here lol? You're amazing  :GuidoAAAAAHHHHHH I'll just leave this here for now. I probably won't be making any decisions until the end of the month. In the meantime, I hope I didn't bore you with my ramblings and hope to hear your thoughts on this matter when you have some time. I'd really appreciate it, yep yep yep.

Ducky out  :bolt

Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sneak on January 10, 2023, 09:02:58 AM
I'm not into this story, but I noticed this long post and decided to read what it is about.

First: Happy belated 10 anniversary on this forum! ^^ Big date.

Second:  In my honest opinion, every redone of the story, minor or major, is ok, if author thinks it makes story only better. So, reuploading everything, with updated versions of chapter, is fine. Together with keeping this 2.0 version for the history and for future generations :D Version 3.0 thread is coming?..

Also, I think, in this case, such long pause helps, so when completely new chapter is posted, people wouldn't mind to refresh their memories about what was going on in previous chapters, so they will reread them, and so they will read new updated versions of old chapters.

At the end, I have to honestly say, this situation is one of reasons why I am supporter of idea to publish fanfiction only when it is on final stages of writing: with that, there would be a very little chance author would find the text from already posted chapters outdated and "not good enough" and would reupload the whole story. But that's fine, I see overwhelming majority of people post new chapters one by one, right after they're written and edited.
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on January 11, 2023, 02:02:31 PM
Hi Sneak, thanks for the kind words, much appreciated. You're not even reading the story and still decided to post your thoughts, that's really impressive, yes it is :duckyhappy

Quote
In my honest opinion, every redone of the story, minor or major, is ok, if author thinks it makes story only better. So, reuploading everything, with updated versions of chapter, is fine. Together with keeping this 2.0 version for the history and for future generations :D Version 3.0 thread is coming?..

Yeah, I certainly believe the story gets better by doing this. It's not as major of an upgrade as the jump from 1.0 to 2.0 so idk if it's enough to actually warrant a version upgrade to 3.0, maybe more like a 2.1?  :duckyOK

I've been doing three more chapters last night. chapter 2 went from 2k to 3k words, minor additions, nothing fundamental like with chapter 1. Chapter 3 didn't change at all as it's been taken from the movies and I liked my previous, rather action-paced transcript of the intro scene of LBT 10 enough to leave it as it is. Chapter 4 got a big polish again in direct response to the changes in chapter 1 (both are Shorty/Bron chapters). And it'll probably be like that for all chapters. Some will remain mostly untouched and others are seeing significant upgrades or even entire new scenes.

Quote
Also, I think, in this case, such long pause helps, so when completely new chapter is posted, people wouldn't mind to refresh their memories about what was going on in previous chapters, so they will reread them, and so they will read new updated versions of old chapters.

Oh that's certainly true. I'm the author of this story and I still have to reread things to remember what I was doing. Can only imagine memories being even more vague for my readers  :sducky

Quote
At the end, I have to honestly say, this situation is one of reasons why I am supporter of idea to publish fanfiction only when it is on final stages of writing: with that, there would be a very little chance author would find the text from already posted chapters outdated and "not good enough" and would reupload the whole story. But that's fine, I see overwhelming majority of people post new chapters one by one, right after they're written and edited.

I see this with a happy and a sad eye, so to speak. On the one hand, you are absolutely right and I am the best example why it is right. But also, perhaps, I'm a good example why it is beneficial to upload your content to the world as soon as it's ready. To start with, if nobody during these 10 years had given me any sort of feedback, I likely wouldn't even be writing anymore. A big part of the fun is sharing your creative ideas with the world and learning how the world perceives them. And my current creative spurt can only be traced back to a good friend who has kept bugging me over the years to keep working on this. They're writing their own story now and, being a beta reader for them, I eventually found some motivation for my own work again.

If nobody had ever told me what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong, how could I have ever come to the decision that what I was doing in 1.0 just wasn't good? I would have finished a bad story with bad writing, probably getting lots of bad feedback once I finally uploaded it, which may have discouraged me entirely. I think I've done the right thing even if it isn't the best idea to do another revamp of this old story before it even gets interesting  :littlefoot

By the way, you are invited to read the story once the updates are coming in, Sneak. Once the story reaches the place where all longnecks meet in LBT 10, the plot will get very complex (like, The Seven Hunters type of complex) and I can't wait to bombard you guys with plot twists and revelations that you'd never have dreamed of. But, alas, I should probably get back to editing while I'm off work  :^^spike
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: rhombus on January 15, 2023, 02:52:23 PM
First of all, congratulations for ten years on the forum, Ducky! :)

I think that for any major rewrite of a story it is probably best to post it as a new story and topic on the forum.  This not only can allow for a clear showcase of how your writing has evolved, but it also can help to confuse readers who might see comments in the topic with reviews and comments about the previous iteration of the story.

I also must admit that I am coming more and more to your line of thinking, Sneak, when you suggest that stories are best to be posted when they are finished.  I have had issues with Mender’s Tale due to the posting schedule and how it interferes with the collaborative nature of the story with me and Historian.  That is part of the reason that our next project (untitled thus far but it is up to 250,000 words) will only be posted when we are done and Mender’s Tale is done.  At the very least, having a detailed plan for long-fics before anything is posted is probably a good idea for some writers.  :yes
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on January 16, 2023, 10:14:41 PM
Quote
I think that for any major rewrite of a story it is probably best to post it as a new story and topic on the forum.  This not only can allow for a clear showcase of how your writing has evolved, but it also can help to confuse readers who might see comments in the topic with reviews and comments about the previous iteration of the story.

I'm not sure how massive of a rewrite it'll end up being. So far (I've edited up to chapter 6 during my week off), two chapters and the relatively short prologue got significant upgrades while the other chapters just got smaller fixes.) I'm still considering my options (I could just not post the updates and publish them later too, hadn't even considered that initially) but thanks for the input, especially on what would be the most proper way to handle this here on the forum.

Quote
At the very least, having a detailed plan for long-fics before anything is posted is probably a good idea for some writers.  :yes
That is extremely true. I'm beta-reading a story for a friend who has not done an elaborate chapter plan and it's a nightmare because they keep getting stuck in their progress. It's part of the reason I started rereading my own story, in order for me to start planning the oasis arc in details as opposed to just roughly knowing in the back of my mind what kind of key scenes there have to be without knowing their exact order and relation yet.

Just to give you an idea, I currently have a little less than 50 chapters planned including those already posted. And that's when they arrive in the oasis we see in LBT 10, pretty much. And that's just the first, admittedly very sluggish arc of this story. Kinda like how the gang needed to adapt to suddenly becoming Sharpteeth in The Seven Hunters before all the good stuff started happening. That's kinda the planning stage of my story right now  :PLoofah
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on December 24, 2023, 12:07:00 AM
Hello again, everyone.

This will be the last post in this topic from me (replies and reviews aside) and it serves as an announcement (primarily) and some context + lifeupdates (secondly)

Shorty's Dark Past 3.0

If my previous post left any doubts, I've had nearly a full year to mull things over. I'm finally confident that this will be the final version of the story and one that I hope to upload with a schedule in mind as opposed to spontaneous uploads I'm known for.

Important Information:

1.) Uploads on the 1st and 16th day of any month (bi-weekly but actually two chapters a month).

--> It feels draggingly slow when considering that the story yet again begins at the beginning (who would have thought  :olittlefoot) but I have to promise a schedule that I can keep. At current, I'm happy if I can dedicate one day a week to writing and that's only if I manage not to screw my sleep schedule over with my erratic shift plans. Early chapters are less work, later chapters will be a lot of work. It's a compromise and I hope that, given how slow this story has been historically, you won't mind that it'll take me a year to catch up to the point 2.0 left off and two years (unless something major changes) until the oasis arc can finally begin.

2.) Even though it is a bit of work, I'll post directly on the forum as opposed to linking to ff.net (naturally, I'll crosspost there as always)

3.) What can you expect from this version?

--> In general, improvements to writing style, grammar and use of paragraphs.

--> Although 2.0 never got far enough to show this, 3.0 will have a lot more streamlined character arcs and chapters will be arranged in a more logical way.

--> The beginning will be different. Yes, you heard that right. I've been debating for many months on and off because both a new idea and the old chapters worked really well as an introduction. A future character arc (many years in the future, if we keep this schedule) needs the former introduction chapters for better logical flow and this is one of the main reasons this is 3.0 and not 2.1.

--> Some side characters (mostly OCs) will have an even bigger role than they would have played 2-3 years ago when I stopped working seriously on 2.0. You may see some characters earlier than you might expect if you've read the old story. Shorty's Past will get an entire arc that'll be large enough to work as a standalone but that's also many years into the future so why do I even mention this?  :longneckBRUH

--> for now, mostly expect a few heavily remodelled chapters, very few entirely new ones and some that largely remained untouched plot-wise. It'll be similar, but a little different.

4.) Out-of-schedule uploads

--> I am going to upload the refined version of the prologue for 3.0 to open the story.

--> I would also like to upload a teaser of sorts as a standalone one-shot story until it gets included in SDP later. Consider it a sneak-peak for now as I'd like to offer you something new at least  :taunttroll. It likely won't spoil anything, just show a part of the story that 2.0 never managed to reach. Once it's up, I'll link it here.

5.) some life updates / circumstances relevant to the revival of the story (you can tune out here, if you're not interested in personal matters)

I've had another very tough year both at work and in private. I'm actually writing this from work (nightshift) due to the lack of time I have available during my leisure time recently.

Since my last update in January, another 200 hours - or 5 weeks of additional work rendered me heavily incapable of doing creative work. Things are looking good for next year though so I'll keep my hopes up that I can use these 200 hours for things other than work once we're no longer understaffed.  :rolleye

The main positive thing I experienced over the course of this year is a writing contest I, admittedly, rather spontaniously decided to participate in. But let's not mention that I did a very Ducky-like thing and didn't meet the deadline

I've been a fanfic writer since I've started out here on this forum nearly 11 years ago but I've never done original fiction so this writing contest really taught me a lot. Many professional writers or those aspiring to be took part in this writing contest and some of them left some groundbreaking feedback which can be applied to SDP 3.0 and all of my other projects now, should I ever feel like reviving them.

I've also discovered some useful resources and learned a lot from just reading other writers' stories. Reading is the best way to learn writing and I feel like there's a lot I have learned and I hope this is going to reflect in 3.0.

*****

I suppose that's it for 2.0. I'll see you in 3.0  :bronGoodJob

Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Sneak on December 25, 2023, 09:41:53 PM
It's alive again!  :)littlefoot

Good luck with writing and finishing it!
Title: Re: Shorty's Dark Past 2.0
Post by: Ducky123 on December 26, 2023, 05:56:49 PM
 :celebrate

Thanks for your encouragement, Sneak  :MommaSmile