The funniest things you've said or heard

[Cancerian Tiger]

What I heard someone say in response to a guy picking a wedgie in public:

"Hey, are you going to the movies later?  'Cuz you're picking your seat awful early."

And here's one I randomly came up with.  Ever try to joke with someone who is ditzy and has no idea you're poking fun at them?  My random blurt:

"Now I know how a screw feels about playing with a bag of hammers."

[Pangaea]

A few more random gems from my family:

My sister: Ah, bacon. Glory in pig form.

–

My older younger brother: (*to me*) You are a very prestigious mongoose.

–

My older younger brother: When it’s raining buffaloes, you don’t want to go outside.

Me: (*chuckling*) Words of wisdom.

My older younger brother: In fact, you should probably go to a bomb shelter.

*cue me cracking up*

[StrutEggStealer]

^ I had no idea mongooses could be prestigious :blink:

Awesomely random conversation me and one of my sisters had.
We were walking in an historical graveyard, and I noticed this really gnarly tree.
Me: OMG that is so cool. *notices another* Whoa, why is it the coollest trees always grow in graveyards?
My Sister (with a coy smile): Nutrients.

Conversation between me and a kindergartner I know.
*Regarding LBT XII*
Me *quoting along with movie*: Topsy, did YOU lay this egg?
Kindergartner *replying in sync*: So shush up and help me!
Gales of laughter form boths parties ensued...

[Ducky123]

One of the students in my class back in 6th grade, English.
Our teacher asked the following: "What do you do if you have a broken neck?"
student (missunderstanding the word 'neck'): "You can eat it!"
Now guess what she understood EGG!

[Cancerian Tiger]

This one recently took place when, during one of my living history tours (yes, my job is to dress up and take folks back to the 20's and 30's , after I played a player Welte theatre organ as part of my tour:

Visitor: "So...that organ must be awfully expensive to maintain.  How is it funded?"

Me: "Organ donations."

*Uneasy looks on visitors' faces make me realize what I had just implied .*

Me: "Allow me to rephrase that.  Monetary donations for the organ, that is."

[The Chronicler]

I remember back in sixth grade around Halloween (so this would've been 2002), my classmates and I were doing some series of projects for the upcoming holiday. One of my classmates wanted to know if the phrase "trick or treat" should be spelled with hyphens, so she asked the teacher:

Is it spelled trick... dash... or... trash- *laughs*

That slip of the tongue caused everyone who heard it (including me) to immediately burst out laughing.   Needless to say, "trick or trash" became a running joke among many of us for Halloween that year.

[StardustSoldier]

This song by George Harrison...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_71w4UA2Oxo

...I used to think he was saying, "Look out, I might sit on you."

[Little Bro]

One time I walked up to a stranger, who was reading a magazine, and said, "What magazine are you looking at, Dad?"
Everyone, including the stranger, thought that was funny.