The Gang of Five

The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: vonboy on March 19, 2011, 01:09:19 AM

Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 19, 2011, 01:09:19 AM
I corrected the links before I realized an admin had used this topic as an example. Here is an example of a broken link: http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=13788&view=findpost&p=22078786 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=13788&view=findpost&p=22078786)
The problem is the link just goes to the OP of the thread, when it is supposed to direct to a specific post in that thread.

If your reading my fanfiction, I'd appreciate some feedback on what you think off it. I really want some feedback on how to make it better  ;)

Also, this is written in script format, made to resemble an actual TV series as closely I can with just text. If you came in here expecting a novel, too bad!


I've never written a fanfiction before. Actually, I don't usually write much for pleasure. I tend to write ok papers for school, but I never thought to just try it for fun.

This fanfiction features a single human that goes back in time to the world of LBT. Other than that slightly crazy addition, I/m trying to keep everything else true to LBT. Every "Chapter" is a episode script. That sounds kinda crazy, but it's pretty interesting to me, and I think it will make my fanfiction unique. Every episode is a separate story in and of itself, but there's an overarching storyline and character development. Also, the Professor, or any main character for that matter, won't necessarily play a role in each episode. And, like with most TV series, not every episode advances the overall plot.

Just some exposition. This takes place about 2 years after the events of the first television series. Ruby and Chomper are still in the Great Valley, But they aren't in the first episode since it's already so full. Having chomper meet the human complicates things, and I think it needs it's own episode to flesh the encounter out. Also, since the voice actor for Grandpa longneck is dead (RIP Kennith Mars :(), I thought it would be realistic to have the character already dead in this series. Bron and his herd have been forced to move into the Great Valley so he can become the new leader. Shorty is back too :DD . This already happened before the first episode, and it's explained more later in this TV series.

Here's a handy list of links to each episode, if you need help finding a specific one. Please note. With the new Zetaboards that this forum was migrated to, the only way to link to a post is to link to the post ONLY, so if you do use these links, you'll have to keep coming back to this list to find other episodes.

Season 1:
Episode 1 - The Farwalker (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg302082#msg302082)
Episode 2 - The Sharptoothed Menace (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg302131#msg302131)
Episode 3 - Brothers (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg302358#msg302358)
Episode 4 - Return to Saurus Rock (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg302822#msg302822)
Episode 5 - A Sharptooth in Need (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg302933#msg302933)
Episode 6 - The Longneck Girl Returns (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg303582#msg303582)
Episode 7 - Ape Man (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg303630#msg303630)
Episode 8 - Wrong Side of the Claw (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg303879#msg303879)
Episode 9 - Parents Know Best (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg304192#msg304192)
Episode 10 - All the Colors of the Rainbow (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg304249#msg304249)
Episode 11 - The Gang of Five (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg304463#msg304463)
Episode 12 - The Legend of the Friendly Sharptooth Part 1 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg304556#msg304556)
Episode 13 - The Legend of the Friendly Sharptooth Part 2 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg304685#msg304685)

season 2:
Episode 14 - Comeback of the Infamous Old Flyer Part 1 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg307316#msg307316)
Episode 15 - Comeback of the Infamous Old Flyer Part 2 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg308201#msg308201)
Episode 16 - The Most Evil Swimmer (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg309202#msg309202)
Episode 17 - The Little Leafeater and the Little Biter (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg309822#msg309822)
Episode 18 - That Spark for Adventure! (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg310613#msg310613)
Episode 19 - Our Very own Redclaw! (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg311337#msg311337)
Episode 20 - Tales of Interest (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg319696#msg319696)
Episode 21 - The Meat Hits the Fan Part 1 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg320721#msg320721)
Episode 22 - The Meat Hits the Fan Part 2 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg320741#msg320741)
Episode 23 - Oh, How the Meek have Fallen (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg322059#msg322059)
Episode 24 - The Very Sharp Threehorn Girl (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg323243#msg323243)
Episode 25 - From One Adventurer to Another (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg324213#msg324213)
Episode 26 - Great Valley: The Grand Tour (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg325171#msg325171)
Episode 27 - The Farwalker's World Part 1 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg326132#msg326132)
Episode 28 - The Farwalker's World Part 2 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg329875#msg329875)
Episode 29 - The Farwalker's World Part 3 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg331945#msg331945)
Episode 30 - The Farwalker's World Part 4 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg334666#msg334666)

Season 3:
Episode 31 - Not Without my Eggs Part 1 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg347214#msg347214)
Episode 32 - Not Without my Eggs Part 2 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg393281#msg393281)
Episode 33 - Always the Same Ham (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg411514#msg411514)
Episode 34 - Veal and Friends (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg456310#msg456310)
Episode 35 - Valley of the Dead (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9098.msg458901#msg458901)
Episode 36 - Invasion of the Little Biters
Episode 37 - Indecision 100.000.012 B.C.
Episode 38 - Sweet Dreams
Episode 39 - Where No Gang has Gone Before Part 1
Episode 40 - Where No Gang has Gone Before Part 2
Episode 41 - The Good, the Bad, and the Just Plain Mad
Episode 42 - By the Skin of my Teeth!
Episode 43 - Find... That... Stone!
Episode 44 - Bones!
Episode 45 - Live Like Your Dying
Episode 46 - Anthology of Interest
Episode 47 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 1
Episode 48 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 2
Episode 49 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 3
Episode 50 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 4
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 19, 2011, 01:17:35 AM
Episode 1 - The Farwalker

Oh god! what have I done!?

Scene: The solar system.

Narrator: "A long, long time ago..."

An asteroid flies by.

Narrator: "..Before man, or wolf, or bear..."

The view zooms in to the solar system. Earth comes in to view. It is still in it's very early form. magma covering much of it's surface.

Narrator: "...When the earth was still in it's infancy..."

The earth cools down, water forms and separates the land.

Narrator: "..In this land that looked very different from our own,..."

Camera zooms in on the Earth. It zips through layers of clouds, and the Great Valley comes into view from overhead. It is night time.

Narrator: "..lived great, wondrous creatures who were very different from the creatures we know of today."

The Camera whips around some. There are no creatures to be seen.

Narrator: "Hey, whats going on? Oh, it's nighttime. How could they mess THIS up? Well, anyway, take my word for it. Now then, In a time before a single human ever walked upon this Earth..."

in a field in the Great valley, A blue light appears, with a sort of whooshing sound.

Narrator: "Oh what now?"

After a moment, a human steps out of the light, and The light subsides.

Narrator: "What in the world is this guy doing here? Hello?

The human checks a device strapped to his arm, and says something in an unknown language. The human sounds like an ape when he speaks. He then walks off into a forested area.

Narrator: "Forget it, Just forget it. I quit!"

Scene: The next morning, in the Great Valley. The sleeping dinosaurs are beginning to wake up. Scene moves to a group of sleeping longnecks. An old one, a middle aged one that's already awake, And two that are still young and waking up. One of them jumps up from his slumber, breathing heavily.

Littlefoot: "No!"

Bron: "Morning Littlefoot. Did you have another scary sleep story?"

Littlefoot: "Yes. It's the same one I've been having for days. I see Grandpa walking out of the great valley. I try to make him stay, but he just says that his time has come. I can't bear to see him leave, because I know I"ll never see him again. Then I wake up."

A tear streams down his face, while Grandma Longneck wakes up.

Grandma Longneck: "It's alright. I know it must have been hard on you, but you'll feel better eventually. You have to remember the good times."

Littlefoot: I think I'm feeling a little better now, I'll go see if any of my friends are awake yet."

He walks off some, but turns his head around.

Littlefoot "Oh, wait, Do you want to play, Shorty?"

Shorty: "Not really. I'd like to play some by myself today."

Littlefoot: Well, okay. Bye!"

the little longnecks runs off, leaving the other longnecks.

Scene: Several Threehorms sleeping close by to the longnecks.

Littlefoot: Walks up to Cera "Hey, are you awake?"

A young threehorn rustles on the ground and finally gets up. She has a mean look on her face.

Cera: "I am now! What's going on? Why'd you have to wake me up?"

Littlefoot: "Well, I was feeling lonely, and I wanted to start playing something."

Cera: "Well, alright. I guess if you want to, I'll join."

Littlefoot: "Lets get the rest of the gang together!"

A little swimmer walks up to the pair.

Ducky: "Hey, I heard you wanted to play something."

Cera: (annoyed) "Well, YOU"RE up early!"

Spike Walks behind the other three and starts eating from a fern.

Ducky: (Smiling) "Yup yup yup, us swimmers always get up early!"

Littlefoot: "Well, lets go."

The group Starts walking off. Spike sighs and reluctantly follows.

Scene: A flyer nest on the side of a cliff.

There is a mother flyer and 5 young ones. They are all asleep. Climbs over the crest of the cliff to the nest and shakes one of the young flyers.

Ducky: "Hey, wake up petrie!"

The skiddish little flyer jumps up in a panic.

Petrie: "AHHH!"

Petrie calms down after a moment.

Petrie: "Ducky, You no scare me like that!"

Ducky: "I'm sorry Petrie. You just need to wake up. The day is here, and there are games to be played, there is!"

Petrie: "Me love games! What we play today?"

Littlefoot Yells from the ground to be heard.

Littlefoot: "I know just the game!"

Scene: A grassy field.

The Gang of Five are playing a game that resembles soccer with a hard pointy seed. The human from before is in some foliage nearby observing a fully grown Threehorm and Longneck eating treestars.

Littlefoot: kicks the pointy seed. "Here I come!"

Cera Runs up and tries to block Littlefoot, but he dodges and continues on.

Cera: "Darn, I'll get you Littlefoot!"

Petrie flies towards Littlefoot, holding Ducky in his claws.

Petrie: "Here we come!"

Ducky reaches down and grabs the pointy seed while it is in the air.

Ducky: "Aha. I Got it, Petrie!"

Littlefoot: "Hey! Come back here!"

Mr. Threehorn: "They sure are loud and annoying little kids, aren't they?"

Bron: "Oh, it's not that bad. They're just having some fun. And didn't you play this game when you were young?"

Mr. Threehorn: "Well, yes. But I wasn't as bad at it as they are!"

Bron: (sarcastically) "oh really?"

Littlefoot is running furiously, gaining on Petrie and Ducky. Ducky get's worried.

Ducky: "Fly faster Petrie!"

Petrie: "Me trying best me can!"

Spike sees everyone else coming up on him quickly. He starts to look worried, closing his eyes and preparing for the impact.

Just as Cera is about to tackle Littlefoot, and Littlefoot is about to catch the flying pair, All four of them crash into spike. The spiketail is not enough to stop them, and the whole gang flies into the foliage the human was hiding in. Littlefoot ends up on top of the human, and their eyes meet. Littlefoot and the human Simultaneously yell.

-Commercial break-

Littlefoot jumps off of the human and runs off, while the human gets up and runs away in a different direction. The rest of the gang see the human and run away with Littlefoot. Mr. Threehorn sees the human and runs up to the group.

Mr. Threehorn: "Hey! What are you doing here!"

Bron follows close behind.

Bron: "Whats going on?"

The Gang of Five run up to the adults, and the adults stop running to tend to them.

Bron: "Are you kids okay?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, I think so"

Mr. Threehorn: "Did that...Thing scare you kids?"

Cera: "It didn't scare me, daddy! I just followed everyone else to make sure they were okay!"

Petrie: "Anybody see where strange thing go?"

Bron: "I didn't. I was more concerned for you're safety."

Mr. Threehorn: "Looks like we'll have to drive that thing out of the Great Valley!"

Bron: "Now hold on a second. Shouldn't we think this through? I'll call the other grownups together for a meeting."

Mr. Threehorn: "Okay, but you better make it quick. We might not have much time!"

Bron: "Okay." Turns to kids. "Kids, be careful! Stay away from that thing, and if you see it again, call for help."

Littlefoot: "Alright, dad. I will."

Bron and leave, while Littlefoot turns to the rest of the Gang.

Littlefoot: "Lets go find that thing again, I want to see it!"

Petrie: (Shocked) "WHAT! Are you crazy?"

Ducky: "I do not think that is a good idea, no no no."

Cera: "That thing might be dangerous. It could have been a sharptooth!"

Littlefoot: "No, it wasn't a sharptooth."

Cera: "How do YOU know, longneck?"

Littlefoot: "I got a good look at that thing. It didn't have a big mouth, and it's teeth didn't look very sharp to me. It also didn't have any claws."

Petrie: "Me still no wanna look for it!"

Ducky: "Petrie is right. It still might be dangerous."

Littlefoot: "Well, I don't believe you. I think we could become friends with it!"

Spike rolls his eyes and sighs, then walks off to start eating again.

Petrie: "Good idea, spike. Me hungry too!"

Cera: "Yeah, I could use a bite to eat too."

Ducky: "Me three!"

Everyone leaves Littlefoot. He stands there to think for a moment, and then replies to everyone else.

Littlefoot: "Well fine. I'll look for that thing myself!"

Littlefoot runs off.

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle.

All of the Grownups are huddled there, debating what to do about the newcomer.

Ducky's Mom: "Well, what did that thing look like?"

Mr. Threehorn: "Hideous. I've never seen anything like it before. It was mostly white, but it had fuzzy stuff on it's head like those little annoying fuzzies.

Petrie's Mom: "Wow, that does sound hideous! I've never even heard of a creature like that before!"

Mr. Threehorn: "That's why we must drive it out of the Great Valley!"

Bron: "Now hold on a second. I remember this Valley being open to everyone. Do any of you remember? This valley used to be a safe haven for those looking for refuge from vicious Sharpteeth! Have you all forgotten this already?"

Tria: "Good point, Bron."

Mr. Threehorn: "But Tria, how do we know this creature isn't a sharptooth?"

The debate turns into incomprehensible rambling from everyone.

Scene: A thick forest in the Great Valley

Littlefoot is walking through a forest in the Great Valley, looking for the human.

Littlefoot: "Come out you little fella. Please come out. You don't have to be scared, I won't bite."

He looks around some more, becoming discouraged, before he finally eyes the human. The human is sitting next to a watering hole, Cleaning his face and getting a drink of water as well. Littlefoot tries to sneak up on him, but he snaps a twig. The human snaps his head behind him, sees the dinosaur, and starts running away. Littlefoot gives chase.

Littlefoot: "Wait, I won't hurt you!"

Littlefoot chases the human into a cave. The human reaches a dead end, and turns around, Looking horrified. Littlefoot starts to nudge towards the human.

-Commercial break-

The human starts messing around wildly with the device on his arm. He also starts to talk, but his voice starts changing. First from an ape voice, to a dolphin, then a bear, and then to a dog. He then suddenly lets out a loud sharptooth roar. Littlefoot steps back momentarily, looking confused, before drawing near again.

Littlefoot:"Just what ARE you anyway?"

Sweat pours down the human's face as he continues to mess with the device. Suddenly, he lets out a descernable voice.

Human: "Wait! Stop!"

Littlefoot: "you can talk?"

Human: "Please, I mean no harm!"

Littlefoot: "Calm down, I won't hurt you."

The human tries calming down for a few moments, before replying.

Human: "You...you won't?"

Littlefoot: (Chuckling) "No, how could I hurt you?"

Human: "Well, good. It's just I was found out, and then you chased me. I didn't know what I was going to do."

Littlefoot Turns his attention to the human's arm.

Littlefoot: "Hey, whats that thing you were messing with?"

Human: "Oh, This old thing? Hehehe, I don't think you would understand. Let's just say it helps me talk to you."

Littlefoot: "That makes sense, I guess. Well, I'm Littlefoot, who are you?"

Human: "Um, I'm a professor.

Littlefoot: "Professor? That's a silly name!"

Human: "Huh? oh, that's not my n.."

He stops and thinks for a moment, then changes his response.

Human: "Well, yes. I suppose that is a pretty silly name."

Littlefoot: "where are you from, professor?"

The human thinks carefully before replying.

Professor: "Somewhere far away. I'm sure you've never heard of the place."

Littlefoot: "Hm, you've come from a far away place? Are you a farwalker?"

Professor: "Yeah, I guess I am. I travel around studying new places and people. I just want to learn about the world."

Littlefoot: "That sounds very exciting! Um, What kind are you?"

Professor: "What do you mean what kind?"

Littlefoot: "Well, I'm a longneck."

Professor: "Oh, I thought you were a brontosaurus."

Littlefoot: "Whats that?"

Professor: "Well, It's what my kind calls longnecks, We have names for other dinosaurs too. Now, about me. I'm a Human.

Littlefoot: "Hu-man? That sounds almost as silly as your name!"

Professor: "We are quiet strange, yes. Different than any other kind that I can think off.

Littlefoot: "Hey, would you want to come meet my friends?"

Professor: "I guess so, are they friendly?"

Littlefoot: "well, sure they are! Come on!"

Littlefoot and the professor leave the cave and goes off to look for the Gang.

Scene: A forest clearing.

The rest of the gang are around some foliage enjoying a nice lunch.

Littlefoot: "Hey guys, Come meet my new friend!"

The Gang turn to see Littlefoot and the Professor. They start start to look worried. Ducky drops the sweet bubbles in her hand.

Professor: "'Yellow!"

Ducky suddenly looses her worried look and walks up to the human.

Ducky: "Hello. I guess you do not look that scary after all, yup yup yup!"

Littlefoot: "His name is Professor, and he's a farwalker."

Ducky: "Well, hello to you, Professor. My name is Ducky, and I am always ready to make some new friends!"

Professor: "I suppose you're good at swimming?"

Ducky: Oh yes. I am a swimmer, after all.

Petrie flies over and lands on the Professor's head. He bends over, looking at the human in the face.

Petrie: "Me Petrie, and me good flyer!"

Professor: "I see..."

Cera: "Well, I'm still not so sure."

Littlefoot: "So sure of what?"

Cera: "That he's friendly. You'll have to prove yourself, farwalker!"

Littlefoot: "Cera! Be nice!"

Professor: "Oh well, I suppose some are just more afraid of new people."

Cera: (Angrily) "Who are you calling afraid! I'm just looking out for my friends!"

Professor: "Now hold on a second, no need to turn me into a professor cabaab!."

Cera: "well, okay. But don't let it happen again!"

Littlefoot: "Hey professor, you should see the grownups!"

Professor: (worriedly) "Grownups? What grownups?"

Ducky: "Why, our grownups, silly!"

Littlefoot: Yeah, we should show our parents that you're actually friendly!"

Petrie: "That good idea!"

Ducky: "yes, let's go!"

Professor: "Now hold on just a second. Are you sure of this, Little..."

Littlefoot rams into the Professor from behind, knocking him over onto his back. Him and the rest of the Gang then rush off towards the Great Meeting Circle.

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle.

All of the grownups are still around the meeting circle, arguing about what to do with the newcomer.

Mr. Threehorn: "Come on, let's get rid of it already!"

Bron: "hold on, please! We can't jump to conclusions. We should meet this thing face to face and see if it's friendly or not."

Mr. Threehorn: "That's crazy, Someone could get hurt!"

Littlefoot runs up to the congregation, yelling at the top of his lungs.

Littlefoot: "Hey dad, look! That thing is actually nice, look!"

The longneck trips, rolling on the ground, and sending the Professorr flying in the air. He landson the ground, and scrambles up. The adults gasp.

Ducky's Mom: "My word!"

The Professor picks a stick off the ground and shakes it angrily at Littlefoot.

Professor: "Why you little sauropod! Why'd you have to drag me off like that? Why I oughta..."

He pauses, holding the stick in the air. He looks at the adult dinosaurs, who are staring right back at him, before he let's go of the stick and let's it drop to the ground. Mr. Threehorn stomps on up to him.

Mr. Threehorn: "...what? What were you gonna do!"

Professor: "Oh, me? N...nothing, just..."

Littlefoot: It's okay, everyone! he's not here to hurt anybody!"

Bron takjes a look at the human, then at Littlefoot, looking disappointed.

Bron: "Littlefoot, what did you do? You disobeyed me! I told to not go after that thing!"

Littlefoot lower's his head in shame.

Littlefoot: "I'm sorry dad, but I found out he's friendly. Please, say hi to Professor!"

Professor: Waves hand shyly. "Oowehehe!"

Mr. Threehorn: "What are you? A sharptooth or something?"

Professor: "What the blast is a sharptooth?"

Ducky's Mom: "He must not be from anywhere around here."

Professor: "Um, that's right, maim. I'm a farwalker. I came here to study new places and people."

Mr. Threehorn: "Why don't you just go back to whatever little hole you came out of and leaves us alone!"

Grandma Longneck: "Now, now, Topsy. Let's give this newcomer a chance."

Bron: "That's right everyone."

The leader of the Great Valley steps up closer to the Professor.

Bron: "Well, it's good to meet you Professor. Do you need anything?"

Professor: "Well, I am very hungry"

Bron:"Is that all? Well, have some of our delicious treestars!"

Professor: "No, I can't really eat that."

Mr. Threehorn: "What? Are you a Meat-eater?"

He takes a step towards the professor. The human thinks for a moment, then lies.

Professor: "No, I don't eat any meat. You don't have to worry about that, big guy. What about that fruit that tree over there?"

Bron: "You mean this treesweet?"

He pulls the treesweet off the tree in his mouth, and drops it in front of the professor, who picks it up and sinks his teeth into it.

Professor: "Mmm, delicious!."

Bron: "That's good to hear!

Bron turns his gaze to his son.

Bron: "Now, don't think I forgot about you, Littlefoot. You still disobeyed me, so you must be punished! You can't play with your friends tomorrow."

the little longneck lowers his head in shame again.

Littlefoot: "Okay dad. I'm sorry."

Bron: "If that's all, then we're done for today. You can all get back to you things, everyone!"

All of the adults begin to disperse, while the Gang stays with the professor.

Cera: "Well, I guess you're not THAT bad."

Professor: "I'm glad you've had a change of heart Cera. Maybe we can get to know each other."

Littlefoot: "Well, you can play with us...Um...I mean my friends tomorrow."

Professor: "That could be fun, I suppose. See you all later!"

The gang (minus Littlefoot) leaves, and Littlefoot goes to talk to his Grandma. The Professor Wipes his head, breaths a sigh of relief, before talking to himself.

Professor: "Well, I'm glad I got somebody to like me here. I hated That world I came from. It was going down the tubes."

He turns around to look at the Great Valley, breathing in the air.

Professor: "Anyway, I think I'm going to like it here!"

He walks off.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Bongo on March 19, 2011, 02:03:44 AM
Interesting. My Fanfiction had a human character go back in time and this TV episode had a human character go back in time. My time travel effects are reflected into your time travel effects, and you also read my story. Coincidence much?  :p

HAHAHA! I am just joking. I read it fully and I really enjoyed it, especially the scene where Littlefoot and the Human interact. VERY different from my story...and lets just say in an updated chapter, the Human charcter in my story gets a littler...er...read it for yourself  ;)

Hoep to see more of this in the future!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 19, 2011, 11:19:49 AM
Thanks Bongo! I'll have the second episode up later today. It will have Chomper and the Professor(human) meeting each other, so it should be a little more exciting!

After that, i'm not sure what the third one will be about just yet, and I'm also starting back with college work again next week, so it might take awhile.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 19, 2011, 12:58:46 PM
Episode 2 - The Sharptoothed Menace

People scream when I smile!

Scene: The Great Valley, in the morning. Littlefoot sitting at his nest.

Littlefoot: (Sighs) "today hasn't been very fun. Actually, it's been pretty lonely.

Shorty: Walks up to Littlefoot "hey Littlefoot, How goes it?"

Littlefoot: "Okay, I guess"

Shorty: "you don't sound okay."

Littlefoot: "Well, I'm just kind of lonely."

Shorty: "Yeah, I'm lonely too. You wanna talk?"

Littlefoot: "Sure, It'll be something to do for today."

Scene: Cera and Ducky walking in a forest in the Great Valley, playing hide and seek with their friends.

Ducky: "Hide and seek sure is fun, yup yup yup!"

Cera: "It'd be more fun with Littlefoot here. He's always so easy to find."

Ducky: "Oh, it is not too bad. He will get to play with us tomorrow, he will."

Cera: "Yeah, I guess your right. Hey, What about the Professor? I thought he was going to play today.

Ducky: "He said he wanted to do some exploring in the Great Valley, but I did not want to explore with him, that would be boring. I have seen it all already."

Cera: "Oh, I get it."

She turns to a particular small tree, and start ramming it.

Cera: "And I can see you up there, Petrie!"

The tree shakes, and Petrie falls out, flailing, before smacking the ground.

Petrie: "Oh no! Me thought me had good hiding spot!"

Cera: "You'll have to try harder next time, Flyer. Maybe you forgot who your playing against!"

Ducky: "Cera is good at finding things, she is!"

Scene: The outskirts of the Great Valley.

The professor is out exploring and getting acquainted with his surroundings. He touches a big fern leaf in his hands and examines it.

Professor: "Hmm, an almost tropical climate. Very interesting that this area was so different 100 million years ago. Much nicer than my time. Everything isn't dieing."

He walks some and looks out at the Great Valley walls.

Professor: "This is a really big valley. Quite remarkable. It seems all of the dinosaurs living here are herbivorous. This place seems like a haven for them. A place with no predators."

A shadow rushes through the woods behind the professor, Who turns his head to see the shadow.

Professor: "Now what is that? One of those dinosaurs trying to play hide and seek with me or something?"

He shrugs it off, and returns to his studies.

Scene: Back at the longneck nest.

Littlefoot and Shorty are still talking.

Littlefoot: "So, how is it like living here?"

Shorty: "It's great! It's very different living in one place now. I used to travel with Bron and his herd all over the place when we were farwalkers."

Littlefoot: "yeah. Being a farwalker sounds great. But it's also dangerous."

Shorty: "Yes it was, But I do kind of miss getting to have adventures."

Littlefoot: "Well, you can still have adventures here, with me and my friends!"

Shorty: "Really?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, it isn't as boring here as you think. We go out on adventures all the time!"

He thinks a little, then adds.

Littlefoot:"...But don't tell Dad I said that!"

Shorty: "Hahaha! Oh, alright, I won't."

Scene: Professor at the outskirts of the Great Valley, close to the Secret Caves.

The shadowy figure moves again. This time, The Professor looks worried.

Professor: "A Dinosaur wouldn't be that sneaky, unless...Unless it's hunting."

Suddenly, the figure jumps out of the foliage. It's a young T-Rex sharptooth. The sharptooth roars at the professor.

-Commercial break-

This sharptooth looks furious, with it's eyes full of blood lust. It roars at the Professor in the sharptooth tongue.

Sharptooth: Who are you?

The Professor can't understand the Sharptooth, and just decides to takes a step back. The sharptooth takes a step forward.

Sharptooth: I said who are you? Don't play dumb with me, I know you can speak Sharptooth! Answer me!

Professor: (Whispering to himself.) "Whats he just standing there for?"

Sharptooth: Fine, have it your way!

He charges at the Professor, who takes off as well.

Professor: (under his breath) "And I thought this place was safe!" He finds a large stick with a particularly sharp pointed end, and grabs it. "This should help!".

The professor turns around to the Sharptooth, and shows the stick. The beast doesn't appear to be intimidated by the stick, And continues advancing. The human tries several strikes at him, but he only seems a little annoyed from the strikes. The Sharptooth takes a swipe at the Professor, It doesn't draw any blood, but just manages to rip his shirt. The professor starts running away again.

Professor: "No, this can't be happening to me!"

Scene: A forest in the Great Valley

Cera, Ducky, And Petrie are still playing hide and seek, on the lookout for Spike.

Cera: "hm, Where's Spike? We've all been looking forever. I'm ready to play something else!"

Ducky: "Oh, we'll find him soon, do not worry."

Petrie sees Spike in some dense foliage, eating it.

Petrie: "There he is!"

All three of them run over and tackle Spike, who looks kind of annoyed. He makes a little roar to show his dissatisfaction.

Cera: "He sure is good at this game!"

Ducky: (Laughing.) "I don not think he was playing. I think he was just eating!"

Petrie: "You right, he just hungry!"

Suddenly, Ruby comes running up to the group, looking worried.

Ducky: "Hey Ruby! It is Nice to see you back from seeing your family."

Ruby: "It was great, seeing my family again was Really great! But...Have you seen Chomper around?

Cera: "Nope, Haven't seen him anywhere. I thought he was with you."

Ruby: "well, he was. But we came back kind of late last night, and went right to sleep in the caves. This morning, I woke up, and he wasn't there."

Petrie: "Maybe he hungry like Spike."

Cera: "I hope he isn't craving threehorn soup, heh!"

Ducky: "yeah, I hope so too, yup yup yup!"

Ruby: "Well, I'm worried about him. Remember how I'm supposed to protect him? Hey, do you want to help me look for him?"

Cera: "I've already been playing hide and seek all day!"

Ducky: "Oh, come on. let us help Ruby. Chomper might need help!"

Cera: (sighs.) "Fine."

The Gang leaves to help Ruby in her search for Chomper.

Scene: Outskirts of the Great Valley.

The sharptooth is still chasing the Professor. The Professor runs some more, before getting another idea. He turns around, And with all his strength, He plunges the pointy end of the stick into the side of the sharptooth. The sharptooth Roars out in pain. The human steps back and gets a smug smile on his face, before the sharptooth grabs the stick with his jaws, pulls it out, and snaps it in his teeth.

Professor: "Wah oh!"

The Sharptooth chases the Professor to a cliff on one end of the Great Valley. It's a dead end, and the Professor is trapped.

Professor: "I didn't think I'd go like this!"

He then screams at the top of his lungs. Professor: "HELP!"

Scene: The longneck nest.

Littlefoot and Shorty are still chatting.

Shorty: "Well, I think I'm going to like it here!

Littlefoot: "That's good to hear. You didn't sound like that that the first time you visited here."

Shorty: "Oh, yeah, I remember! I was so scared of Chomper the first time I saw him."

Littlefoot: "You couldn't believe a sharptooth could be friends with flatteeth. It took a LOT of explaining before you changed your mind."

Shorty: "Yeah, but I'm glad I did. Chomper is great, And we've all had a lot of fun together since then."

Littlefoot: "Chomper and Ruby are coming back today, Maybe we can all play together tomorrow."

Shorty, "That would be fun!"

Suddenly, both of the longnecks hear the Professor yelling "HELP!" from far away in the distance.

Shorty: "What was that?"

Littlefoot: "that sounded like the Professor's voice, and he sounds like he's in trouble!"

Shorty: "Let's go!"

Shorty take off towards the sound of the old man's voice. Littlefoot get's up, but pauses for a moment to look back at the nest, remembering what Bron told him.

Littlefoot: "Yes, lets go. He may need us!"

Both of them run off to look for the Professor.

-Commercial break-

Scene: The Cliff at the outskirts of the Great Valley.

The Professor is still trapped at the cliff, with the sharptooth advancing on him.

Professor: "There has got to be something I can do!"

Getting desperate, He does something pretty foolish, because he sees no way out. He lungs forward, grabs the little sharptooth around the neck with both of his hands, and squeezes as hard as he can. The sharptooth is surprised that the human could try that, so he doesn't do anything for a moment.

Scene: Outskirts of the Great Valley.

Cera, Ducky, Spike, Petrie, and Ruby are out there looking for Chomper.

Ruby: "I'm starting to worry about Chomper, and I don't like it when he makes me worry."

Ducky: "don't worry Ruby, we will find Chomper, yup yup yup."

Cera: "It just isn't like Chomper to go out on his own. He's so young. Younger than any of us."

Petrie: "Seems like we have to babysit him sometimes, Don't it?

They hear the Professor's pleas for help as well.

Cera: "What was that?"

Ducky: "It's the Professor. He sounds like he's in trouble."

Cera: "Well, he can handle it himself. We need to find Chomper."

Ruby: "Don't talk like that Cera! If anyone needs help, We should help them. Would you like it if we didn't come for you because we thought you could handle it?"

Cera: "well, no. I guess I wouldn't like it. Alright, I guess we have two people we are looking for now."

Littlefoot and Shorty runs by everyone else. The group does not know what is going on, so they all follow and try talking to Littlefoot.

Ruby: "Hey, what's going on?"

Littlefoot: (getting out of breath.) "didn't you hear it? The Professor is in trouble!"

Cera: "We were just about to come for him too, What a small valley!"

Scene: A cliff at the outskirts of the Great Valley.

The sharptooth is still in the Professor's hands. He strikes at the Professor, making him cry out in pain, but also tightening his grip on the sharptooth, who begins to find it hard to breath.

The whole Gang come running in from behind some trees, and sees what is going on.

Littlefoot: "STOP! Stop it, now!"

both the Professor and the sharptooth turn their heads to the longneck.

Professor and Chomper: "Littlefoot?" The professor let's go of Chomper.

Chomper: "Whats going on?"

Professor: "I have the same question, What is this thing doing here?"

Littlefoot: "His name is Chomper, and He's not a thing!"

Ruby: "He's a friendly sharptooth."

Professor: "WHAT? Don't you idiots know creatures like that eat creatures like you!"

Chomper: "Most of us do, but I don't. I'm different."

Littlefoot: "...It's a long story. we met him when he was still an egg. We hatched him, and We're trying to raise him."

Cera: "Yeah, He's our friend!"

The Professor is not convinced, and just crosses his arms.

Professor: "Bunk! Bunk I say!"

Chomper: "That's not a very nice thing to say!"

Professor: "Humpth!"

Littlefoot: "So, why were you both fighting like that?"

Chomper: "Well, I was sleeping in the caves, when I heard a strange sound, and I got up to see what it was. I saw him looking around. I didn't know who he was, So I tried to protect you all from him. I thought it was something I had to do. Doesn't he eat meat?"

Littlefoot: "No, the Professor doesn't eat any meat."

The human's face blushes up, looking worried.

Professor: "Uh, It's true! I don't!"

Chomper: "He doesn't?"

Cera: "Well, it just sounds like a misunderstanding then."

Ducky: "I think Chomper and the Professor should make up.

Chomper: "Yeah, I'm sorry I tried to hurt you, Professor."

He exceeds his claw to shake the professor's hand. The Professor just stands there, looking angrily at Chomper.

Littlefoot: "Professor, Shake his claw!"

the Professor reluctantly shakes Chompers claw.

Professor: "I guess you're off this time."

Littlefoot: "Good, that's a little better."

The longneck turns his head. Littlefoot: "Oh no, I have to be back at my nest before Dad finds out I was gone!"

He runs off.

Petrie: "See you tomorrow Littlefoot! Well, maybe tomorrow."

Ducky: "Bye Littlefoot!"

Ruby: Now that that has all been settled, let's go home Chomper. It's getting late."

Cera: "Yeah, We should all be going to sleep."

The whole group say their good-nights, and start to disperse. The Professor angrily walks up to Chomper.

Professor: "I'll keep my eyes on you!"

Chomper: "Ruby, this new person is strange. He really doesn't like me. He's acting like Mr. Threehorn did when he met me."

Ruby: "Yes, he is. But think of now. Now he knows you're a friendly sharptooth, and he actually kind of likes you now.

Chomper: "Well, not really."

Ruby: "Just give the Professor some time, he'll change."

Chomper: "I hope you're right Ruby."

Ruby: "I still want to know though. Why did you attack him like that?"

Chomper: "I already told you."

Ruby: "I still don't believe you. You've never tried to attack a newcomer before."

Chomper: "I...had my reasons."

The fast runner has a look of concern on her face, but she drops the subject. Chomper and Ruby walk into the secret caves.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 21, 2011, 02:46:44 PM
Episode 3 - Brothers

Redclaw: Service with a smile. A big, evil, toothy smile!

Scene: The watering hole in the Great Valley.

The whole gang and the Professor are in some foliage close to the water. Littlefoot, chomper, and spike are eating. Cera, Ducky, and the Professor are to the side chatting.

Littlefoot: "Hm, these are some great treestars!"

Spike does his best to show his satisfaction.

Spike: "Uh huh!"

Chomper: "I wish you guys could eat these ground crawlers, They're great!"

Littlefoot only looks a little annoyed.

Littlefoot: "No thank you."

Chomper: "You sure are missing out!"

His face suddenly turns mischievous as he thinks up a plan. He takes a ground crawler, wraps it in a big treestar, and offers it to Littlefoot.

Chomper: "Hey, this treestar looks good!"

Littlefoot: "Thanks."

He graciously takes the treestar, and takes a bite out of it, chewing it.

Littlefoot: "Hm, this one don't taste right. Doesn't really taste like a..."

He then sees half a crawler in the uneaten treestar, and he spits it out.

Littlefoot: "UGH! That's disgusting! Chomper!"

Chomper: (Laughs.) "Gotcha!"

Littlefoot starts to chase chomper around. He tackles the sharptooth, and they both roll into the water.

Camera pans over to the Professor, Cera, and Ducky.

Professor: "What just happened?"

Cera: "I think it was just another one of Chomper's practical jokes."

Ducky: "That one was a little mean, it was."

Professor: "He's that mean?"

Littlefoot and chomper continue to wrestle in the water.

Cera: "It's not being mean. He doesn't really see it that way, anyway. He's just growing older, and getting a little bit of a personality. He likes playing jokes on people now, just as long as no one gets hurt."

Professor: "He has a personality? I thought he was just a mindless killing machine!"

Cera turns to the Professor with a mean look on her face.

Cera: "Now, I don't know where you've come from, but around here, we don't call anyone that!"

Ducky: "No no no. I think that is even more mean than Chomper's prank!"

Professor: "Whatever. The world is a cruel place. No time to be nice. You have to look out for yourself!"

Cera: "Something tells me you'd like my dad. You seem to think the same way."

Ducky: "Maybe Mr. Threehorn would like you, but I do not."

Professor: "Humph!"

He walks off, while Ruby comes running in towards Cera and Ducky, holding a shiny stone.

Ruby: "Hey, look at this!"

Ducky: "Ooh, a Sky color stone. I have not seen one of these in a long time, no no no."

Cera: "Looks like the one I found in the caves."

Ruby: "If I remember right, Ducky found those, remember?"

Cera: "Uh, oh. Right. But I did know they'd be there!"

Littlefoot and Chomper, done with their little bout, walks over to the group.

Chomper: "Hey guys, what are you looking at?"

Littlefoot: "Nice sky color stone you have there Ruby."

Cera: "Weren't you and Chomper just fighting?"

Littlefoot: "I got it out of my system. I'm not into fighting too long over something like that."

Chomper: "If he was really trying to hurt me, I'd probably give him a pretty bad bite."

Ducky: "Ruby, where did you find the sky color stone?"

Ruby: "Oh, I didn't find it, Shorty did!"

Shorty breaks out of some bushes, and prances up into the middle of the group.

Shorty: "That right, I found that rock!"

Ruby: "So, where did you find it?"

Shorty: "Well... not in the Great Valley"

Ducky: "How not in the Great Valley?"

Shorty: "...The Mysterious Beyond!"

The whole Gang gasps.

Littlefoot: "But it's dangerous out there! You shouldn't just go alone!"

Shorty: "I was getting bored of this place, so I explored out there some when no one was looking."

Ducky: "That wasn't a good idea, no no no."

Shorty: "It didn't end up bad for me. And besides, I need some excitement in my life!"

Cera: "That is still a stupid idea. I'm pretty tough, and I'm still uneasy about that place. I always have to protect everyone else when they go."

Littlefoot: "No you don't!"

Shorty: "I know where more are. I'll go get some so you can all have one!"

He runs off.

Ruby: "Hey, I don't think you should go back there."

Shorty is already too far away to hear at that point.

Littlefoot: "Come on, everyone. He can't just go out alone! We need to make sure he's safe!"

--------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------

Scene: The Hidden Valley.

All the yellow pear-shaped treesweets have grown back, so the way to the Hidden Vally has been reopened.

Shorty walks out of the Hidden Valley into the Mysterious Beyond.

Scene: The cave connecting the Great Valley and the Hidden Valley.

The gang is about to enter the cave, when the Professor confronts them.

Professor: "Hey, where are you little dinosaurs going?"

Cera: "The Mysterious Beyond, apparently."

Professor: "Whats that?"

Littlefoot: "It's the area around the Great Valley. We don't go out there much."

Professor: "Sound like fun! Could I come along perhaps?"

Ducky: "I do not think you should, It is dangerous out there, yes"

Chomper: "Yeah. There are sharpteeth out there. They're horrible. ROAR!"

Chomper tries to make himself look as scary as he can at the Professor."

Professor: "Taddlesquat! It can't be THAT bad, I've been through some pretty rough places before."

He starts to follow.

Cera: "Okay, but don't say we didn't warn you!"

The group walks through the cave and come into the Hidden Valley. Chomper covers his nose.

Chomper: uh, It smells even worse here than I remember!"

Ruby: "Yeah, I don't really like it much either."

The professor almost gags at the smell as well, but he notices only meat-eaters are doing the same, so he tries to not show his disgust to anyone else.

Littlefoot gets an idea to get back at Chomper. He Grabs one of the fruits and hurls it at Chomper's face.

Littlefoot: "Hey Chomper, think fast!"

Chomper: "Whats going o..."

The fruit smashes into his face, and he shakes his head to get it off. His eyes water a little. He growls something in the sharptooth language and runs toward Littlefoot. Chomper rams his head into his side, and he loses his breath.

Littlefoot: "Oof!".

Littlefoot falls over.

Chomper: "That wasn't very nice!"

Littlefoot gets up and takes a charge at Chomper.

Professor: "They don't act like they really like each other, do they."

Cera: "Actually, they do like each other, a lot. They act more like brothers quarreling."

Professor: "Oh, I remember my brother. We always tried to 1-up each other too."

Ducky: "They are both only siblings, yup yup yup."

Ruby: "Yeah. Neither of them ever had a sister...or a brother for that matter."

Petrie: "So, they kind of brother's, in a way."

Cera: (Yelling) "Hey, are you guys done yet?"

At this point, the entire group is leaving the Hidden Valley. Chomper comes back to the group, panting.

Chomper: "Yeah, I guess so."

Littlefoot: "That trick was pretty good though, Chomper."

Chomper: "Yours was pretty good too. You caught me off guard."

Ruby: "Here we are, the Mysterious Beyond is where we are now!"

Professor: "It does look a little more barren, doesn't it."

Littlefoot: "Hey Chomper, You should use your sniffer to look for Shorty."

Chomper: "Good idea!"

He puts his nose on the ground and starts sniffing around for shorty. The Professor kind of shrugs at the sight.

Scene: Further in the Mysterious Beyond.

Chomper still has his sniffer to the ground. The rest of the Gang is following him.

Cera: "Have you got his scent yet?"

Chomper: "I smell Longneck that way!"

Professor: "I hope your not getting hungry."

Ignoring the Professor, Chomper stops.

Chomper: "Here he is!"

The group walks up to a half-eaten longneck corpse. It's not Shorty.

Chomper: "...Oops."

The rest of the Gang can barely even look at it. Cera almost gags.

Ducky: "Poor guy."

Ruby: "This is why me and Chomper left the Mysterious Beyond."

Petrie: "Me hope that doesn't happen to us!"

The Professor comes forward, and examines the carcase further.

Professor: "Hmm, it appears to have been here for a few hours. Whatever that killed it must have ate it's fill and just ran off."

Chomper: "...what a waste."

Cera: "That's something we didn't need to hear, Professor!"

The rest of the Gang can't take the sight anymore, and back up, not looking in it's direction.

Professor: "Oh my, what a bunch of little scaredy scales!"

The Professor turns back to the corpse, and waves his hand at it.

Professor: "Well Chomper, don't you want a bite?"

Chomper looks angrily at the Professor.

Chomper: "No, I'm not hungry!"

The group leaves the corpse to keep looking for Shorty. A few moments later, the Professor comes back, Looks around to make sure he's not being seen, and cuts off a piece of meat from the corpse.

Professor: "Looks like pretty good meat, I'd say. I think I'll just save some for later. No use it just leaving it here to rot!"

He wraps it in some paper and puts it in his backpack, then runs off to rejoin everyone else.

Scene: A forest in the Mysterious Beyond.

The Gang come walking up to the forest.

Cera: "We've been out here looking for awhile. Maybe we should go back."

Littlefoot: "No, we can't stop looking, I don't want Shorty to get hurt!"

He turns to Chomper.

Littlefoot:"Anything yet, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Actually, yes. I do smell another longneck."

Chomper smells some more, and turns to the Professor. He gets a look of disgust and anger on his face, then turns ahead again.
Chomper: "Um, false alarm. I still don't smell him anywhere."

The Gang hears a growl from the distance.

Ducky: "I do not like the sound of that, no no no."

Professor: "Lets hide in those bushes. Maybe it won't see us."

Chomper: "that's the least of our problems. It would still be able to smell us..."

Just then, Shorty comes running out of the nearby woods.

Shorty: "Run!"

From behind him, Redclaw's head is peeping out of the treetops.

------------------------------<Commercial break>------------------------------

Professor: "Now that's a big T-Rex!"

Ruby: "No time to talk about it, no time! Run!"

everyone starts running away from Redclaw.

Professor: "Who's this guy anyway?"

Chomper: "He's Redclaw, the biggest, meanest sharptooth around!"

Professor: "I'd believe that!"

Ducky: "Hey, look. There is a canyon over there!"

The gang see a thin canyon with a log connecting one side to the other. Everyone crosses it. The Professor almost slips, but Chomper holds onto his hand and keeps him from falling off.

Ruby: "I don't think Redclaw can get across."

Ducky makes a face at the Sharptooth on the other side.

Littlefoot: "Hm, I think I've seen this before."

Redclaw takes a few steps back for a running start, and runs up to jump across. He clears the canyon and the gang, and lands. Then he turns around.

Professor: "I didn't think a T-Rex could do that!"

The gang runs along the canyon, since it's the only way they can go. Then they start running away from the canyon when Redclaw isn't blocking their way anymore.

Shorty: "I should have stayed home!"

Cera: "Now he tells us!"

Littlefoot: "I have an idea!"

Littlefoot runs off to the side, and starts climbing a cliff. Everyone else see's a small cave, which they run into.

Cera: "Just what is Littlefoot trying to do?"

Ruby: "I don't know, but we have to trust in him. He's a good leader."

Professor: "I hope you're right, Ruby."

The roars of Redclaw can be heard from outside the cave. Chomper listens to what Redclaw is saying, looking shocked.

Chomper: "No, not them!"

Ducky: "Not who?"

Chomper: "He's calling over Screech and Thud!"

Professor: "Who are they?"

Before anyone could answer, two fast biters peek over to look in the cave, and the professor has his answer.

Cera: "They are!"

The gang run into the darkness of the cave. Screech and Thud give pursuit.

Ruby: "There has got to be somewhere we can go, But it's getting too dark to see where that somewhere is!"

Professor: "I've got just the thing!"

He pulls a flashlight out of his backpack, turns it on, and points it ahead of them.

Petrie: "What that, fire?"

Professor: "No, it's a flashlight."

Ruby: "I don't think it's time to talk, but time to run!"

Petrie: "Good point!"

They run through the caves some more. Screech and thuds roars can be heard echoing throughout the caves.

Petrie: "Me scared!"

Professor: "I think we all are.!"

Suddenly, they see a light at the end of the tunnel. They run through it, and are greeted by Littlefoot.

Littlefoot: "Hey guys, I didn't expect you here. Good thing you are though. I need some help!"

Ducky: "What is going on?"

Littlefoot: (Breathing heavily.) Justh help Me push this boulder over. I think we can hit Redclaw with it!"

The whole gang comes forth and try as hard as they can to push the rock over the ledge, but it barely moves.

Cera: "Were going nowhere fast!

Ruby: "We can do this, we just have to push harder!"

The gang struggle, but they can't knock the rock over. Screech and Thud come running out of the caves, but they are running too fast. They are momentarily blinded by the light. Both of the fast biters crash into the gang, and finally the rock falls off the ledge. The fast biters keep moving forward and they fall off the cliff with the boulder as well. The boulder smashes into Redclaw's head. He shakes his head for a moment, dazed, and calls off the hunt.

Cera: "What just happened?"

Ducky: "I think the fast biters just helped us without even trying, yup yup yup."

Professor: "I don't want to be that close to a sharptooth ever again!"

Chomper gives the Professor the look, but says nothing.

Littlefoot: "Well Shorty, Ready to come home yet?"

Shorty's still trying to catch his breath.

Shorty: "Yes, I've had enough adventuring for today."

Petrie: "We head back now!"

Scene: Littlefoot, Shorty, and Chomper are at the longneck nest.

Chomper: "Well, it's getting pretty late. I think I should be heading back to the caves now."

Littlefoot: "Okay, see you tomorrow!"

Shorty: "Well, The Professor seems pretty strange to me. What do you think of him?"

Littlefoot looks back at Shorty suddenly.

Littlefoot: "Now stop changing the subject Shorty. Don't leave the Great Valley alone like that anymore, it isn't safe to do that!"

Shorty: "Who are you, my dad?"

Grandma longneck and Bron come walking back to the nest, so they both drop the subject.

Bron: "Well, did you two have fun today?

Littlefoot: "Yeah, We had a nice day of playing games. I hope we can do it again tomorrow!"

Shorty: "I played with Littlefoot and his friends. It was a lot of fun!"

Grandma Longneck: "That is good it hear, little ones."

The two big longnecks drop down to go to sleep. Littlefoot turns his head back to shorty, and breaths a sigh of relief. Shorty whispers to Littlefoot so the others don't hear.

Shorty: "Well, looks like we're off the hook again."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, it does. Good night."

They both lay down their heads, and drift off to sleep.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 25, 2011, 07:31:34 PM
Episode 4 - Return to Saurus Rock

The case of the missing flyer!

Scene: The Watering Hole in the Great Valley.

Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, Chomper, and Ruby are all playing in the water. The professor is to the side looking at them.

Ducky: "Come on in, Professor, the water is nice and cool and nice, it is!"

Professor: "Oh, I suppose some swimming could be fun. Just give me a second."

The Professor pulls his shirt off. Everyone in the water gasps. Ducky screams.

Professor: "What? I don't look that bad, do I?

Littlefoot: "Whats going on? Are you ripping your skin off?"

The Professor stares at the dinosaurs in the water, when he realizes that they must have no idea what cloths are, and what they must be thinking is going on.

Professor: "No, this isn't my skin. It's called cloths. It's a thing my kind cover ourselves with to protect us from the elements."

Cera: "That's weird."

Ruby: "I've never even heard of cloths before. Where did you say you came from again?"

Professor: "Like I've said, somewhere very far away. You've probably never even been there before."

Littlefoot: "That's not a very good answer, Professor. Where is this place?"

Professor: "Um..."

He has to think for a few moments before giving a response.

Professor: "From some land across the ocean."

Cera: "You mean big water?"

Professor: "Yes, big water. My people call it the ocean. A huge body of water that takes many days to cross."

Chomper: "Did you ever go to the island that my parents were at?"

Professor: "Uh, no... But enough about me, Lets see what we can play."

He covers his nose, and takes a plunge into the water.

Ducky: "Are you a good swimmer?"

Professor: "I'm okay at it, I guess. Probably not as good at it as you are though, Ducky."

Chomper: "How about we play swimmer splasher? I can be the swimmer."

Professor: "What's that game?"

Littlefoot: "Um, The swimmer closes his eyes and says "Swimmer!'. everyone else says "Splasher!" and the swimmer tries to find them and splash them."

Professor: "Hm, that sounds like Marco-Polo."

Chomper: "Well, lets go."

Chomper closes his eyes, but he doesn't say a word, instead, he starts sniffing.

Cera: (Whispering) "Is he Really doing that again!?"

Ducky catches on quick, takes a huge gulp of air, and plunges into the depths. Everyone else tries to keep their distance from Chomper, but he sniffs them out. He splashes Cera first.

Cera: "Darnit!"

Chomper smiles after hearing that,  then proceeds to splashing Littlefoot and Spike.

Spike: (Annoyed grunt.)

Littlefoot: "Um, good going Chomper."

Chomper touches the Professor, Ruby. and everyone else but Ducky.

Professor: "Blast it!"

Ruby: "Good going Chomper! You just have to get Ducky!

Chomper concentrates, sniffing the air around him. He then swims a small distance waves out his arm, sending a splash that collides with Ducky just as she pops out for air.

Ducky: "...Aww. That was over fast, it was."

Cera: "It's always over fast when Chomper is the swimmer. He just uses his sniffer to find everyone!"

Chomper: "Yeah, that is what I'm good at!"

Everyone laughs.

Ducky: "Well, I was the last one to get splashed, so I guess that makes me the swimmer, yup."

Littlefoot: "Look out everyone! Here she comes!"

Bron comes walking up to the group in the water.

Bron: "Littlefoot, what are you doing?"

Littlefoot is confused.

Littlefoot: "Um, Playing with my friends."

Bron: "Don't you remember? We were going to spend the day together today."

Littlefoot: "Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."

Cera: "Hey. what's going on?"

Bron: "It's...a longneck thing. You just wouldn't understand."

Professor: "Hmm, sounds intriguing. Mind if I come along and look?"

Bron: "No, we couldn't do that. It's more of a private thing."

Littlefoot: "Aww, do I have to? I'm having so much fun here!"

Bron: "Come along now, son. You don't know just how important this is. You can play with your friends some other time. They'll still be here."

Littlefoot: "Well.. Okay, dad."

Littlefoot swims to the shore, and looks back at his friends.

Littlefoot: "See you all later."

Cera: "Seeya Littlefoot."

Ducky: "Yes, see you!"

The two longnecks walk off.

Cera: "Well, what now?"

Spike walks out of the water. His stomach is growling.

Ducky: "I think Spike is hungry again. I am too."

Chomper: "Me three."

Professor: "I could use some treesweets."

Cera: "Well, I'm not hungry. Ruby, you want to play something?"

Ruby: "Sure, I'm sure we can think of something to play."

Ruby and Cera get out of the water, and walks over in a different direction.

Scene: Near the longneck nest.

Bron and Littlefoot are walking walk over to the nest.

Bron: "So, how have you been?"

Littlefoot: "Okay I guess."

Bron: "But, didn't you have another scary sleep story last night? The same one you've been having?"

Littlefoot: "Well, Yeah, but I'm not letting it get to me."

Bron and Littlefoot makes it to the longneck nest. Grandma Longneck is at the nest.

Grandma Longneck: "Well, maybe you need to let it get to you a little."

Littlefoot: "Grandma?"

Grandma longneck: "Yes, Bron wanted me to talk to you too."

Bron: "Grandma is right. If you want to stop having those sleep stories, you have to confront them. You have to grieve."

Grandma longneck: "That is why we are going to take a trip to Saurus Rock."

Littlefoot: "Isn't that the good luck rock overlooking the Great Valley and keeping us safe?"

Bron: "Well... yes. But it's for more than that, little one."

Littlefoot looks confused.

Littlefoot: "What? What else could that big rock be for?"

Both of the fully grown longnecks giggled.

Grandma Longneck: "Well, you're just going to have to wait and see, my dear little Littlefoot!"

---------------------------<Commercial break>---------------------------------

Scene: A forest in the Great Valley.

The Professor, Ducky, Chomper, and Spike are looking for something to eat.

Chomper: "There has got to be something around here to eat."

Ducky: "Do not look at me, Chomper!"

Chomper: "I'd never eat you, Ducky! It's just... there isn't much around here for me to eat."

Professor: "There's more around here than you think!"

Chomper: "Well... I mean that I CAN eat."

Professor: "I'm sure I mean something entirely different that what your considering, you little carnivore."

Petrie: "What you mean, Professor:"

Professor: "Oh, just give me a sec. I just have to hunt some down."

Chomper's face lights up, while Ducky, Petrie and Spike frown.

Professor: "Ah, there's some right there!"

The old man takes off towards a tree, leaving the others behind.

Chomper: "What?"

Ducky: "Professor! What is it that you are doing?"

The Professor right at the base of the tree and looks up. There's a dozen or so hard pointy tree sweets hanging from it."

Professor: "These should do just fine."

Ducky: "What do you mean? Those are too hard and spiky to eat."

Chomper: "Yeah, and I can't eat those anyway."

Professor: "I know how to eat them."

He climbs up the tree, and knocks a few down. One of them rams Chomper in the face.

Chomper: "Ow! Hey, watch where you're dropping those!"

Professor: "Your a sharptooth, you can take it."

He climbs back down the tree and grabs one of the treesweets, and pulls a knife out of his pocket.

Professor: "Now, the outside of this thing may be tough, but just look at whats inside."

he cuts a big hole in the top of the fruit, and shows it around.

Ducky: "Oh, there is some kind of white water in it."

Professor: "Yeah, it's a lot like a treesweet my kind calls a coconut."

He takes a drink out of it, and passes it to Ducky, who also takes a sip.

Ducky: "MMM, this is good!"

She holds it so Spike can take a sip. He takes a sip, and shows how much he likes it.

Spike: "Yeah-uh!"

Professor: "Actually Chomper, you take a sip too, I think you can."

Chomper: "What?"

Professor: "Come on, you can try it."

He passes it to Chomper.

Chomper: "This isn't a trick, is it?"

Professor: "Just try it!"

He eyes the Professor, then takes a little sip. He smacks his lips some, then goes back for a bigger gulp.

Chomepr: "Wow, this isn't so bad! I didn't know there were any treesweets that didn't taste awful!"

Professor: "Yes, It has a lot of protein in it."

Ducky: "What's that?"

Professor: "It's something that meat-eaters need to be healthy. It's found in meat."

Ducky: "What? Did I just drink..."

Professor: "Oh no no no! Heh, it's just this treesweet happens to have protein as well."

Chomper: "So I don't have to eat meat?"

Professor: "Well, I'd still think you'd have to eat some meat, but there's other things you can eat along with it."

Chomper: "Wow, I never even knew that!"

He gets a suspicious look on his face.

Chomper "Now how do you know something like that? I thought you weren't a meat-eater!"

Professor: "Um, well, I'm a farwalker. I've learned a lot on my travels."

Ducky: "That makes sense, it does."

Chomper: "Well, I wish I had something else to eat."

Professor: "My, always so picky!"

Scene: The base of Saurus Rock.

Littlefoot, Bron, and Grandma longneck are walking up to it.

Littlefoot: "So, why are we here?"

Grandma longneck: "There is a legend that the passed can be seen from the top of the great rock."

Bron: "I remember the stories my mother told me when I was young. She said that you can talk to loved ones from this very rock."

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Grandma longneck: "Of course. Why, I went up there once before, a long time ago, to speak with someone. MY Grandfather, I believe."

Bron: "Well, it's time. Littlefoot. Climb to the top of the rock, and keep your mind open."

Littlefoot: "Okay, dad."

He starts to climb up, but looks back at the other two.

Littlefoot: "Are you sure this will work?"

Bron: "Grandma just told you, she did the same thing!"

Grandma longneck: "You'll never know until you try."

He takes another look at the top of the rock, and gulps.

Littlefoot: "Well, if you say so."

He continues up the face of Saurus Rock.

Scene: A grassy field close to the Watering Hole."

Ruby and Cera are sitting on a rock in the field.

Cera: "It is kind of boring, just the two of us playing."

Ruby: "I guess you don't realize how much you miss friends until you miss them."

Cera: "Oh well. Just relaxing here on this sunny rock has been nice."

Ruby: "Oh yes. Relaxing like this is nice, especially when there's someone around wanting to play with you, so you can't relax."

Cera: "Hmm, wonder what that longneck's up to."

Ruby: "I haven't a clue. But it sounded important."

Cera: "Yeah, his dad just wouldn't shut up about it!"

Ruby: "Hmm, I wonder it it's anything like my little star day celebration."

Cera: "Whatever it is, I bet us threehorn's have something just like it that's better, since, you know, threehorn's are better at everything!"

Ruby: "Well, whatever it is, hope he's having fun with it."

Scene: the top of Saurus Rock.

Littlefoot clears the top of the rock. He's out of breath from the long climb. Breathing heavily, he slowly makes his way to the center of the rock.

Littlefoot: "Okay, now what?"

He glances into the sky, but see's nothing of interest. He paces around the rock some, and then kicks a pebble off the top of the rock. He looks over the edge to watch it hit the bottom.

Littlefoot: (Sighs.) "I'm still waiting."

He looks up in the air again and sees a cloud in the shape of a longneck.

Littlefoot: "...Huh."

The cloud flies across the sky, then disappears into the distance.

???: "...Littlefoot..."

Littlefoot turns around.

Littlefoot: "Wh...who is it?"

-----------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley.

Cera and Ruby are still sunbathing on the rock. They've apparently fallen asleep in the sun. The other half of the Gang, minus Littlefoot, walks up to them.

Ducky: "Hey, Cera? Ruby?"

The two start stirring from their sleep.

Ruby: "Uh, what is it?"

Petrie: "We bored."

Cera: "Well, you think we're having any more fun? Humpth!"

Professor: "This place is kinda boring, isn't it"

Ruby: "What do you mean, Professor?

Professor: "Well, there's just not any excitement in these walls. When I was out there in that, um, 'Mysterious Beyond' yesterday, I felt alive! This place just pales in comparison."

Ducky: "The does not make any sense, no."

Ruby: "Yeah, you call this place boring, but we call this place safe."

Professor: "Well, I just wish something would happen here..."

A loud sharptooth screech is heard.

Petrie: "What that!?"

Two sharptooth flyers appear over the horizon, heading right towards the Gang.

Cera: "Sharpteeth!"

???: "...Littlefoot, come here."

Littlefoot walks towards the camera. You can't see what he is walking towards.

Littlefoot: "Who are you?"

???: "Why, you should know who I am!"

Littlefoot: "I know, I'm just confused."

???: "Why be so confused?"

Littlefoot: "It's just that this...all of this, is kind of... strange."

???: "Your mother talked to in much the same way once. I'm sure of that."

Littlefoot: "Well, now that I'm here, I'd just like to know what for. Why did I have to come here."

???: "Why, I have something to tell you, little one."

Littlefoot: "What?"

Scene: The great Valley.

Cera walks into view. She falls on the ground in pain.

Cera: "Oh, it hurts!"

Ducky, Spike and Ruby come into view. Spike walks over to eat some greens. Ruby sits down on the ground. She has Ducky in her arms.

Ducky: "That was bad. Why did those Flyers come over here anyway?"

Ruby: "I don't know Ducky. I thought sharpteeth stayed out of the Great Valley."

The Professor walks into view. Part of his shirt is ripped off and wrapped around his injured arm.

Professor: "I thought you said this Valley was safe!"

Chomper waddles into view. He is shifting his weight from foot to foot and waddling like a penguin. His Stomach is bulged out. he sits down on a rock.

Chomper: "uh, can't take one more...bite"

Littlefoot walks into view.

Littlefoot: "Wow, That was amazing. I got to talk to my Grandpa again. I never thought I'd get to talk to him again. Such a long day. It was so nerve racking. I'm ready to just go to sleep now, everyone."

He takes a look at the whole gang, and They just moan back at him.

Littlefoot: "Wow, What happened to all of you?"

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 26, 2011, 11:33:16 PM
Episode 5 - A Sharptooth in Need

Big nasty pointy teeth; it runs in the family...

Scene: The great valley, in the morning.

The view starts on a small clump of grass. The ground starts to shake gently, before lots of feet rush across the ground. It's the Gang and the Professor, all in a race against each other. The Professor is at the back of the pack, struggling and breathing heavily, when he trips and falls over.

Professor: "Gah! I was never good at this!"

Chomper cuts in front of everyone else.

Chomper:  "Ha, I'm winning!"

Petrie flies over Chomper's head.

Petrie: "Not anymore you not!"

He makes it to the tree at the finish line.

Petrie: "Me Win! Me win!"

The rest of the gang, only a little behind, makes it to the finish.

Littlefoot: "Good race, everyone!"

Cera: "I'll win next time!"

Chomper: "Whatever you say, Cera. Just like the ten other times."

Ducky: "Hey, where did the Professor go?"

The Professor walks up to the group, gasping for air.

Littlefoot: "Wow, are you alright, Professor?"

Professor: "Yeah... I'm just... heave... not that good at running is all."

Chomper: "That's not a very good thing!"

Ruby: "Yeah, what if something is chasing you?"

Professor: "Oh, heheh. I've got other ways of dealing with that."


A flying Sharptooth comes flying in from across the cliff at the edge of the Great Valley. The Professor ducks behind a tree.

Ducky: "Oh no, The flying sharptooth is back!"

Littlefoot: "Wait, what?"

Chomper: "No, wait! this is a different one. I know him!"

He walks up ahead of the rest of gang.The sharptoothed flyer lands in front of Chomper and the Gang. He licks his lips at the Flatteeth, but doesn't move. He starts talking to Chomper in the Sharptooth language. Chomper talks back, and they have a conversation. The Professor comes out from behind the tree.

Professor: "Hmm?"

Petrie: "What they talking about?"

Professor: "Probably which one of us he wants first."

Cera: "I hope not!"

The Flyer says something to Chomper, and Chomper face looks of surprised.

Chomper: "No, NO! It can't be!"

The flyer takes off, and leaves the valley.

Littlefoot walks up to the side of Chomper.

Littlefoot: "What's wrong, Chomper?"

Chomper: "It's my mommy. She's really sick. My dad thinks she's dying!"

Everyone gasps.

Cera: "That's awful!"

Chomper: "We have to go help her!"

Professor: "Well, I'm not going."

Ducky: "You need to go, you do!"

Professor: "Well, why should I?"

Ruby: "Ducky is right. You're a farwalker. You know a lot of things. You could help her using the things that you know.

Chomper: "Please. Help her, Professor!"

Littlefoot pushes on the Professor's back with his head.

Littlefoot: "Come on, you have to!"

Professor: "Oh, I suppose I'll go."

Chomper's face lights up.

Chomper: "Thank you! Thank you so much Professor!"

Ducky: "Let's all go. I want to see Chomper's parents again!"

Ruby: "Yeah, we'd be safer if we had friends with us."

Professor: "WHAT!?"

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond. It's fairly foggy.

The whole Gang is walking through the fog in search of Comper parents.

Chomper: "They have to be here somewhere."

Professor: "I don't know why you flatteeth wanted to come along. Aren't those big Sharpteeth just going to eat you?

Littlefoot: "Oh, they wouldn't eat us. We're Chomper's friends."

Professor: "I still don't believe it!"

Chomper: "We'll, when me and my parents were on that island, my friends got stuck on it one time. Littlefoot saved my life, And my parents said that they would all be safe with them."

Professor: "Really?"

Chomper: "Yeah. It's all true."

Professor: "I'll believe it when I see it!"

Petrie: "So we going back to island?"

Chomper: "No, they don't live there anymore. They live deep in the Mysterious Beyond now.

Littlefoot: "What happened?"

Chomper: "We had to leave. We were running out of food."

Cera: "He means WE left!"

Littlefoot stares angrily at Cera.

Chomper: "Elsie helped us get across the Big Water. It wasn't easy, since both my parents are pretty big, but we managed it somehow."

Ruby: "And now they are here, away from Redclaw."

Professor: "So Redclaw isn't out here?

Chomper: "No. He stays around the Great Valley. Thats why we run in to him all the time!"

Sharptooth roars are heard.

Cera: "Is that your parents, Chomper?"

Chomper: Gulps. "Nope, it's not!"

Ducky: "That is what I was afraid of, oh no."

A Fast Biter Walks out of the mist, growls, and snaps it's mouth at the Gang.

Chomper: "Run!"

The whole Gang runs off, with the Fast Biter following.

Littlefoot: "Is it Screech or Thud?"

Chomper: "No, it's not either of them either."

The Fast Biter Roars at them again.

Chomper: "Sounds just as mean, though!"

The Gang is chased by the Fast Biter to a dead end rock wall.

Professor: "Who put this here?"

Petrie: "We done for. He gonna eat us!"

Cera: "Can you do anything Chomper?"

Chomper: "He's too big for me!"

Littlefoot: "You have to do something!"

Chomper: "Um..." <Hey, you! Stay away from my dinner!>

The fast biter laughs.

Fast Biter: <Heh, isn't that a little much for a little biter like you?>

Chomper: <Don't call me little!>

Fast Biter: <Just get out of my way, and I won't eat you too!.>

Chomper looks back at his friends.

Chomper: "...Yeah, I didn't think that would work."

The Gang takes steps backwards until they're up against the rock wall, and can go no further.

Ruby: "I didn't think we would die by a sharptooth by trying to help another
Sharptooth!"

A loud, thunderous roar is heard from behind the Fast Biter. The Fast Biter runs off to the side to get away. Ducky wipes her head.

Ducky: "Whew."

The ground starts shaking.

Cera: "Earth shake?"

Littlefoot: "No, something BIG is coming!"

A T-Rex Sharptooh Comes walking up to the Gang. It roars at them, and the whole Gang screams.

-----------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

The giant sharptooth roars at the Gang again, and then appears to be laughing. Chomper's face lights up.

Chomper: "Dad!"

The Professor removes his hands from his face.

Professor: "So, this is Chomper's father?"

Petrie: "That what he just said, Hatchling!"

Cera: "So, what did your dad say, Chomper?"

Chomper: "He said you're all so cute when your scared!"

Cera: "WHAT!?"

She takes a big step towards Chomper's Dad.

Cera: "And what gives You the right to laugh at us like that?

Chomper's Dad takes a step toward Cera, and the ground shakes again.

Cera: "Um, good point."

Chomper's dad Roars again.

Chomper: "He said don't worry, He won't eat any of you!"

The big sharptooth lowers his head to look at the Professor and licks his lips.

Chomper's Dad:<What about this little morsel?>

Chomper runs up between his dad and the Professor.

Chomper: <He's my friend too. He's here to help Mom!>

Chomper's Dad: <Well, okay then. Let me take you to your mom.>

Chomper: <Let's go! I want to see her!>

He turns to the Gang.

Chomper: "Alright, We're going to go see my Mom now."

everyone starts following Chomper's Dad into the woods.

Scene: A clearing in the forest.

Chomper's Mom is laying down in the Clearing. Chomper's Dad walks out of the forests, and the Gang follows. Chomper get's a concerned look on his face, and runs over to his mom.

Chomper: <Mom! Whats wrong?>

She lets out a low and hard to hear growl.

Chomper's Mom: <Hey darling. I have missed you a lot.>

She takes in a weak breath.

Chomper's Mom: <I have been sick for days, and it keeps getting worse.>

Chomper's dad walks over and nuzzles his mate.

Chomper: "She's real bad."

Professor: "Will you translate for me? I'll take a look at her."

Chomper: "Sure I will! What should I say?"

he translates the next few lines from his mom.

Professor: "Where does it hurt?"

Chomper: "It hurts all over."

Professor: "Hm. Does your bones hurt?

Chomper: "I think so."

Professor: "Are you lightheaded? Do you have a bad headache?"

Chomper: "Yes, my head hurts A lot too."

The Professor climbs up Chomper's Mom's face, opens one of her eyelids wide, and shines his flashlight in it.

Professor: "Wow, Her eyes are Really bloodshot."

Chomper: "Is that bad?"

Professor: "I don't know yet. I'll have to take a look in her throat."

Chomper and his mom Talk back and forth in Sharptooth.

Chomper: "My mom said she can't open her mouth enough. We'll have to help her."

The Gang gets slightly worried looks on their faces, but they decide to help.

Littlefoot: "Well, I guess we need to help her."

The Gang crowds around the mouth of Chomper's mom. They try to push up on her lip and gums while staying away from her teeth. Her mouth slowly opens up, And the Professor climbs in.

Professor: "Wow, it sure is smelly in here. At least it's breezy."

He walks to the back of her throat, and peeks down.

Professor: "These walls sure do look red and irritated."

He climbs out of the mouth of Chomper's Mother.

Chomper: "Well...?"

Professor: "It looks pretty bad, but I think I know what will help her. I remember a special nectar my people made medicine out of. some Epiphyllum Oxypetalum should work."

Littlefoot: "Epi...what?"

Ducky: "Your kind sure does have strange names for everything, they do!"

Professor: "Sorry about that. Um, it's a flower that only blooms at night, and it is gold in color."

Ducky: "Oh, I know what you are talking about now. You mean night flowers?"

Professor: "Yeah, that's probably it."

Littlefoot: "I remember. One time we went to this place called the Land of Mists."

Littlefoot: "There are a lot of night flowers there."

Cera: "...And I think it's close to here too."

Professor: "Well, I'll go there and get some then."

Ducky: "I will go with you too. You do not know the way."

Chomper: "You sure you want to go? It might be dangerous."

The Professor pulls out some kind of handheld weapon out of his backpack.

Professor: "We'll be fine. I'm really more concerned about Littlefoot and the other herbivores... er, flatteeth."

Chomper: "If you mean what I think you do, you don't have to worry. They'll be safe with us!"

Ducky rushes up and pulls on the Professor's leg.

Ducky: "Let us go already. We cannot waste any time, no no no!"

Professor: "Oh, okay."

Ruby: "I Want to see the this Land of Mists too, so I'll come along to see it."

The Professor, Ruby and Ducky head off toward the Land of Mists. The rest of the Gang wave goodbye to them.

Scene: The Great Valley.

All the grownups are coming together. Spike is sleeping next to Ducky's Mom.

Ducky's mom: "Hey, does anybody know where ducky is?"

Bron: "No."

Grandma Longneck: "Has anybody seen Littlefoot?"

Petrie's Mom: "No, I haven't seen either of them. Wait, Where's Petrie?"

Tria: "And what about Cera?"

Mr.Threehorn: "I don't think anybody has seen them all day."

Bron: "What's going on? All the kids are gone!"

Shorty Walks up to Bron.

Shorty: "I'm here."

Bron: "Did any of the kids tell you what they were going to do, Shorty?"

Shorty: "No, None of them talked to me today. I don't know where they are."

Mr.Threehorn: Has a angry but also worried look on his face. "Looks like we have to look for them again!"

Scene: The same clearing in the Mysterious Beyond, at night.

The Gang are huddled around Chompers parents. They are telling stories and remembering the past. Chomper is translating for everyone, so the Flatteeth and Sharpteeth know what each other are saying.

Littlefoot: "So, I was the only one to come back to Chomper. He was such a little hatchling then, and he needed someone."

Cera: "Yeah. Littlefoot brought Chomper back to us. Then that little sharptooth bit my tail!"

Chomper's Dad: (Laughs.) <I always knew Chomper would be a good hunter!>

Petrie: "Me no think that something to laugh about..."

Littlefoot: "A little later that day. I remember both of you found me and Chomper on a log. Chomper said something to you, and you just took him. Did he tell you not to eat me?"

Chomper's Dad: <No, Chomper couldn't really talk yet. You did look pretty tasty, Littlefoot, but We were just glad to find Chomper.>

Littlefoot takes a step back.

Chomper's Dad: <I still find it really strange that Chomper is friends with all of you.>

Chomper doesn't translate this, but instead replies back.

Chomper: <Well, they saved my life. Twice even. Aren't you grateful for that?>

Chomper's Dad: <Of course I am, but I still find it weird. It's,, just not right.>

Cera: "What are they talking about now?"

Chomper quickly tries to reassure Cera.

Chomper: "Nothing! It was nothing."

Littlefoot: "Well, it's getting late now. We should go to sleep."

Chomper: "You're right, Littlefoot. I guess the Professor and Ducky will be back in the morning then."

Cera: "Good night."

Petrie: "Night Cera."

Littlefoot: "Good night, everyone!"

Everyone else says good night and goes to sleep. Littlefoot lays down his head, closes his eyes, and the scene cuts out.

--------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------

Scene: Morning in the forest clearing.

Both of Chomper's Parents are awake. Chomper and the Gang are still asleep. Littlefoot opens his eyes to see a dead Domehead in front of him. Chomper's Mom is eating from it. Littlefoot jumps and screams. Chomper and the Rest of the Gang wake up and see the dead dinosaur as well.

Cera: "RUN!"

The Gang tries to run away. Chomper just stands there in shock. Chomper's Dad blocks their path.

Littlefoot: "Whats going on?"

Chomper's Dad: <Well, Chomper's Mom had to eat, and she couldn't get up and eat somewhere else, so I had to kill something and bring it to her.>

Chomper translates, then looks down in shame.

Chomper: "I'm sorry you had to see that, guys."

Chomper's Dad: <I'm not!>

Chomper: <That's a very mean thing to say, Dad!>

Chomper's Dad just walks off towards Chomper's Mom.

Littlefoot: "Well, at least she isn't eating us. We should be grateful for that."

From the distance, everyone hears the voice of the Professor.

Professor: (Yelling.) "Hello? Are ya'll still there? Did They eat you all yet?"

Chomper yells back.

Chomper: "Nope, they're still here!"

Professor: "Whatever."

Cera: "Welcome back Ducky and Ruby. And the Professor too, I guess."

Ducky: "Hey everyone."

Ruby: "Yes, hello. It was so fun having fun in the Land of Mists."

Petrie: "You bring back night flowers?"

Professor: "Of course! Got a hot steaming batch right here!"

Chomper: "That's good to hear!"

Scene fades into the next scene.

Scene: The Gang is around Chomper's Mom.

Chomper's Mom is eating the Night Flowers, but she doesn't look like she likes it.

Chomper: <How is it?>

Chomper's Mom: <Bleh, I liked that domehead a lot better.>

Chomper: <Well Just eat it. It'll make you feel better!>

Littlefoot: "I never knew a sharptooth would eat any greenfood."

Chomper: "We don't, unless it's medicine. Even then, we don't like it."

Professor: "So, how is she? Is she feeling any better?"

Chomper's Mom: <Other than that bad taste in my mouth, I'm felling better.>

She struggles a little bit, and is able to stand up.The Gang cheers. Chomper's dad roars loudly, which spooks them.

Scene: Somewhere else in the Mysterious beyond, a little closer to the Great Valley.

Chomper, Ruby, The Professor, and the Gang are heading back to the Great Valley.Chomper's mom and dad are waving goodbye to them.

Cera: "I'll feel a lot better when we make it back to the Great Valley.

Chomper looks down to the ground.

Chomper: "Yeah, I guess my parents were pretty bad."

Littlefoot: "No they weren't, Chomper. They weren't as nice as you are, but they were kind of nice."

Professor: "Yeah, I guess they aren't THAT bad."

Ruby: "Well, they are friends with my parents. They might act mean sometimes, but they do act nice sometimes too."

Ducky: "I like them a lot better than Redclaw, I do!"

Chomper looks up at everyone else and smiles.

Chomper: "Thank you. Your all so understanding!"

The Gang walk off into the distance, and the scene starts to fades out.

Cera: "Hey! Wait a second!"

The scene comes back.

Cera: "Did you tell everyone where we were going, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "Um, Uh..."

Scene fades out again.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on March 28, 2011, 02:07:06 PM
:! WOW  :!  That is tripple cool, You are very good story writer VonBoy, It's very detailed and understandible. How ever you may have to remove some of the strong slang launguage into "oh my gosh" instead of "oh my G.O.D" it's suppose to be a childrens show you know. I'm just trying to help you out? anf let ya know. ANyway it's tripple cool and awsome!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 28, 2011, 05:12:41 PM
Thanks for the feedback. I guess saying god in that episode might have been a little much.

Anyway, I have a project and a speech for college this week, so it'll be slower. I did the first 5 episodes in about a week ( :blink: ). I looked at a transcript for a Futurama episode, and saw it was about 30,000 characters, when mine have been just under half that. That would mean these couldn't be used for actual episodes because they're too short. Should I worry about that, or is the length they've been at ok?

Either way, I'll be editing these 5 episodes before I write the 6th one. I'm adding a reminiscent yet funny intro to the first episode, and some other extra scenes here and there in the episodes. Theres also spelling errors and such that I need to fix.

I'll keep working on it. it'll be awhile before the 6th one though.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: LBTDiclonius on March 28, 2011, 05:35:07 PM
Oh my, am I that lazy? Five chapters before I gave my feedback, so sorry on that, just been very busy lately, ya know. But I agree with joshua1127, this is a very good story and I'm enjoying it.  :yes

Even though I'm not very fond of the script format you're doing and am more fond of actual story format myself, I think you're making this a very good read so far, and I'm really enjoying it.

I found little errors, be they grammer or spelling. I know that you really can't go wrong with that script format, so, in a way, you made a nice choice on the type of format you're doing.

Okay, when I first saw the title I was like, "Why is he using a title like that? :huh: " But, since you're so into Futurama, I understood after a few days. I actually really wouldn't be suprised if Professer was the actual Professer in Futurama, I could be wrong of course, but I still wouldn't be suprised if he was.

Other than that lengthy review there, I've really got nothing else to say. You're a good author and I encourage you to keep this story going. So I will say...update soon! :yes
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on March 29, 2011, 10:24:40 AM
LBTDiclonius, did ya know that I do art work projects and draw Illustrations for one of my stories?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 29, 2011, 02:52:06 PM
Thanks for the feedback LBTDiclonius. I guess you comment on all the fanfiction in here, right?

Anyway, yeah, this script format is working out great for me :DD . I didn't realize before I started how easy it would be using that format. I'm actually able to get a lot said in a small space. If I wrote it in a more traditional novel format, there'd be much more detail and description, and a more omnipresent view, since you'd hear the feelings of the characters, and what they are thinking, and so on, It would be very nice, but it'd be SO much more hard to write. Script format is much shorter, since it's mostly dialog with short descriptions and cues for what is going on onscreen.

Now that I think about it, LBT is great for this format, since it's already been in this format from the beginning. (well, animation format. But that came from scripts.) I can read through these and imagine I'm actually watching it :DD .

Anyway, I think the next episode will have Ali in it. I say think because I haven't started on it yet :oops . I'm still fixing up the episodes I already wrote.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on March 29, 2011, 04:00:00 PM
I have an honest question about the human character The Professor, What is his real name?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: LBTDiclonius on March 29, 2011, 04:36:38 PM
I did not know that you did fanart for some of your stories, joshua1127, I hope to see some of it someday. :yes

And vonboy, you're welcome. I admit, I might comment on some few choice stories that are enough to catch my eye, but not all. :p

You're right in one view, script format is somewhat easier to write and seems that LBT does work quite well in this format, but I personally think normal format is easier to write for me, so that's why I like it so much, I guess.

No worries on not having the next one up yet, when you find mistakes in your story, you always have this burning desire to fix them, believe me, I know as a fellow fan-author. Anyways, good luck on the next chapter. ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 29, 2011, 06:28:09 PM
I have the first 5 episodes edited now :DD . I think I squashed all the little spelling errors and stuff. The first episode now has a reminiscent yet funny intro. I've added little foreshadowing bits in some of the episodes for later in the series. the 5th one has a funny little scene added. I think they're a lot better now.Tell me what you think of them now ;)

Now I got the 6th episode to write. It could be up later tonight, or it could be days, I don't know how long it will take. :lol

About the Professor's name, He doesn't have one right now.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 01, 2011, 10:41:18 AM
Quote from: LBTDiclonius,Mar 29 2011 on  03:36 PM
I did not know that you did fanart for some of your stories, joshua1127, I hope to see some of it someday. :yes

And vonboy, you're welcome. I admit, I might comment on some few choice stories that are enough to catch my eye, but not all. :p

You're right in one view, script format is somewhat easier to write and seems that LBT does work quite well in this format, but I personally think normal format is easier to write for me, so that's why I like it so much, I guess.

No worries on not having the next one up yet, when you find mistakes in your story, you always have this burning desire to fix them, believe me, I know as a fellow fan-author. Anyways, good luck on the next chapter. ;)
LBTDiclonius I'm pleased with wanting to see fanart, I want ya to know that I do illustrations from my original stories, King Tigor, Giganotosaurus, and Dinosauria and I'm working on them still and I am trying to think them through and see in they are publishable. However to be honest I don't think I ever did fanart before, However I get Author-Struck, I get stuck on a chapter and wonder if it fits in with the whole story. However did you read the 3rd chapter of the LBT prologue called "Halloween Party" if you did let me know what you think of it.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 01, 2011, 09:46:43 PM
Episode 6 - The Longneck Girl Returns

now with 50% more longneck in every bite!

Scene: The Great Valley, at the longneck nest, in the morning.

Littlefoot is the only one still at the nest, and he is asleep. Cera trots up to the nest and nudges Littlefoot.

Cera: "Hey, get up sleepyneck!"

Littefoot: He wakes up and yawns. "Oh, hey Cera. What are you doing here?"

Cera: "Well, I felt like playing something."

Littlefoot: "You know we can't play. We all got in trouble yesterday, remember?"

Cera: "That's not going to stop a Threehorn!"

Littlefoot: "I wouldn't want to mess with Mr.Threehorn. Didn't he chew you out?"

Cera: "Yeah, But I sneaked away."

Littlefoot: "Didn't Mr.Threehorn catch you leaving?"

Cera: "No, he wasn't around when I woke up. Tria and Tricia were gone too."

Littlefoot: "That's... weird."

He takes a moment to notice that his folks are also gone.

Littlefoot: "Hey, where's Bron and Grandma?"

Cera: "No idea. Haven't seen them around either."

Littlefoot: "Well, If no one is here, guess we could sneak off and look for em."

Cera: "Now that sounds like a plan!"

Scene: The Watering Hole, close to the swimmer nest.

Ducky and Spike are playing in the water. They're playing another game of swimmer splasher. Ducky just catches Spike.

Ducky: "I have finally found you spike! It was very hard to find you when you cannot say splasher, it was."

Spike: "Huh..."

He isn't very interested, and sticks his head underwater.

Ducky: "What are you doing Spike? I thought we were playing swimmer splasher."

Spike pops his head back out of the water with some water greens in his mouth. He scarfs them down, and goes for another dunk.

Ducky: "I guess this whole time, you were not playing, huh?"

She laughs, while Cera and Littlefoot walks up to the edge of the water.

Cera: "Hey Ducky and Spike! What are you two doing?"

Ducky: "Eating, I guess, That is what Spike is doing anyway, yup yup yup."

Littlefoot: "Hey, you seen any of the Grownups?"

Ducky: "No, I have not seen anyone. Not even my mom."

Littlefoot: "That sounds... suspicious."

Cera: "Whats wrong? We get to play some mean old grownups aren't around to yell at us!"

Littlefoot: "But this is serious. They might be in trouble!"

Cera: "Oh, they aren't in any trouble. They're grownups, They'd know what to do."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, but I'm still worried."

Petrie is flying through the air yelling.

Ducky: "It is Petrie! But he does not sound so good, no."

Petrie: "Oh no, Oh no, Oh nohoho!"

Littlefoot: "What's wrong, Petrie?"

He crashes into the side of Littlefoot.

Petrie:  "It's horrible!"

Cera: "What's wrong, flyer?"

Petrie: "It's mom, She not here! She always here when I wake up!"

Littlefoot: "Well, none of our parents are here either."

Cera: "Yeah, It's really nice, ain't it."

Petrie: "Nice? NICE!? What wrong with you!?

Littlefoot: "Calm down Petrie. We're going to go look for them."

Ducky: "Yes, cheer up Petrie. We will find them, yup yup yup!"

Petrie: "Yes. Calm down."

He fly's over and lands on Littlefoot's head.

Petrie: "Calm down... calm down..."

Cera: "Well, if you hatchlings want to waste our free time looking for our grownups, then guess I'll help. Besides, I'm the best at finding things!"

Chomper and Ruby walk in on the scene. The little sharptooth yells from a distance.

Chomper: "Hey you guys!"

Both of them make it to the rest of the Gang.

Littlefoot: "Hey Chomper. Hey Ruby. How's it going?"

Ruby: "Well, Chomper was bored, so we were looking for friends to talk to so he wouldn't be bored anymore."

Chomper: "Yeah. and I'm also sorry that I got you all in so much trouble yesterday."

Ducky: "It is okay, Chomper. That adventure was a lot of fun."

Ruby: "And we helped someone who really needed help. You don't have to feel sorry, Chomper."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, we were happy to help!"

Chomper: "I'm happy you helped too!"

Littlefoot: "So, I guess neither of you have seen any grownups around today either?"

Chomper: "Actually, we have seen them."

Cera: "Really?"

Ruby: "Yes we have. they've all gone over to the hidden valley to greet a herd of farwalkers that are coming through.'

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Ducky: "So that is what all of our parents were doing."

Cera: "What herd is it?"

Ruby: "I don't know who they are."

Littlefoot: "Let's go see who it is!"

Cera: "But our parents will see us!"

Petrie: "Me wanna see mom!"

Ducky: "And I want to see who this herd is, yup yup yup."

Littlefoot: "If we sneak in there, no one's gonna see us!"

Cera: "Oh, alright.

Chomper: "Let's go Already!"

The gang head off towards the Hidden Valley.

Scene: The Hidden Valley.

Chomper walks along the stone wall of the cave connecting the Hidden Valley to the Great Valley. He walks out of the cave, puts his sniffer on the ground, sniffs around some, and motions the Gang to come out.

Chomper: "It's clear, you can all come out now!"

Littlefoot walks out of the cave and looks out into the valley.

Littlefoot: "I can see our parents way over there."

He points his tail out to the other side of the small valley, while the rest of the Gang makes their way out of the cave.

Cera: "They're all blocking the farwalker herd, I can't see who they are!"

Ruby: "Let's get closer to see if we can get a closer look!"

The Gang sneak into the forest of pear-shaped treesweets and edge closer to the grownups and the new herd. Chomper puts his claws over his nose, while Flying up into a tree for a better view.

Petrie:  "I see! I See!"

Cera: "Who is it?"

Petrie: "It the longneck herd!"

Littlefoot: "Really? They haven't been here in a long time!"

Littlefoot Peeks his head out from behind a tree, and sees Ali in the midst of the migrating longneck herd.

Littlefoot: "Hey, everybody, it's Ali!"

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Chomper: "It's Ali?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah. She's right over there. She's back! She's finally back!"

Cera: "I wonder if she's still with that annoying little Rhett!"

Littlefoot: "I don't know, but I want to see her!"

Littlefoot Starts to run out. Cera runs out, bites Littlefoot's tail, and drags him back into the foliage.

Littlefoot: "OW! What you do that for?"

Cera: "Shush. We don't want to get caught by the grownups, do we?"

Littlefoot: "...No, I guess not. But then how are we going to meet Ali?"

Ducky: "We could try to get her attention."

Littlefoot: "Good idea!"

Ruby: "Can't I just go out there and bring her over" My parents aren't here to see me."

Petrie: "That better idea!"

Ducky: "How did I not think of that?"

Ruby: "I'll be back in a minute."

Ruby goes to Ali, Says something to her, and both of them come running over into the foliage.

Ali: "Hey everyone!"

Littlefoot: "It's so good to see you Ali!"

Ali: "It's good to see you too, Littlefoot."

Cera: "How you been?"

Ali: "Oh, I've been pretty good, I guess.

Chomper Walks out of the foliage, and up to Ali.

Chomper:  "Hey Ali, remember me?"

Ali backs away some in fear, but quickly comes back.

Ali: "Chomper? Oh, I remember you now. Your that friendly little sharptooth!"

Chomper: "That's me!"

Ali: "Why are you covering your nose, Chomper?"

Chomper: "All of these treesweets smell bad to Sharpteeth. It even makes us sick if we stay around here too long."

Littlefoot: "Hey, would you want to play something with us?"

Ali: "Of course!

Chomper gently grabs onto Littlefoot leg with one claw, while covering his snout with the other.

Chomper: "Littlefoot? Can we go back now? Please?

Ali: "What kind of games you wanna play today?"

Littlefoot: "Oh, I don't know.

Ali: "Maybe swimmer splasher? Tag?

Chomper: "Um, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "Well, I'm sure we'll think of something.

Chomper finally passes out, and falls on the ground. Everyone else stares at him.

Scene: The Great Valley.

The Gang, Chomper, Ruby, and Ali are playing tag, with the one that's it, Cera, pretending to be a sharptooth.

Cera: "Grr, Grr. Roar!. Grr."

Everyone else is running and laughing.

Littlefoot: "Run everyone!"

Petrie: "She gonna get us!"

Chomper: "She's pretty good at being a sharptooth!"

Littlefoot trips and falls over, allowing Cera to run up and jump on him.

Cera: "I got you now!"

Littlefoot: "Aww."

Cera gets up off of Littlefoot to look for someone else. The longneck stays down low, and watches.

Cera: "Grr! Where are you guys? Grr! You can't hide forevor!"

She puts her nose on the ground and acts like she's sniffing for everyone else, but of course she can't find anyone. Chomper sneaks up behind her.

Chomper: (Yelling) "I take that back!"

Cera jumps around in surprise, shakes her head, and takes off after Chomper.

Cera: "I'll get you, my little flattooth!"

Ali walks up to Littlefoot, and laws down next to him.

Ali: "She got you too, huh?"

Littlefoot: "Yup."

Ali: "It's been nice playing with you all. I haven't even seen someone my age in awhile."
She lowers her head.

Littlefoot: "It isn't time to be sad, you know. You have us now!"

Ali: (Sighs.) "Yeah, I guess so."

Cera and Chomper walk up to Littlefoot and Ali.

Cera: "I think I'm done being a sharptooth now."

Chomper: "I'm done too. I don't think I'd want to be a flattooth."

Littlefoot: "Cera get you too?"

Chomper: "Yup. I shouldn't have said what I said!"

He laughs.

Cera: "This is a lot better than the last time you were here!"

Ali: "How so?"

Cera: "No annoying little Rhett to ruin all the fun!"

Ali's eyes start to tear up, and she runs away.

Littlefoot: "What's going on?

Ducky: "I do not know, no."

Cera: "Was it something I said?"

Littlefoot stares annoyingly at Cera, then gets up and turns toward where Ali ran off.

Littlefoot: "I'll go see what this is all about."

He runs off to look for Ali.

------------------------------<Commercial break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Watering Hole.

Ali is at the edge of the later, looking down at her own reflection. Littlefoot walks up beside her.

Littlefoot: "Hey, Ali. What's wrong?"

Ali: "It's just Rhett."

Her eyes start watering again.

Littlefoot: "What about Rhett?"

Ali: "Oh, It was horrible!"

Littlefoot: "What happened?"

Another tear comes from her eye.

Ali: "It was over a cold time ago. Me and Rhett got separated from our herd."

Scene fades into a flashback scene as Ali is saying the last sentence.

Scene: The Mysterious beyond, in a canyon.

Ali and Rhett are running through the bottom of the canyon. Behind them, a fast biter is chasing them.

Ali: "Rhett, he's gaining on us!"

The fast biter roars.

Rhett: "You don't have to remind me of that!"

Ali: "I'm scared!"

Rhett: "I'm scared too, Ali."

Ali and Rhett come to a dead end.

Ali: "What are we gonna do?"

Rhett look around.

Rhett: "Hey, There's a hole behind this bush!"

Ali and Rhett squeeze behind the bush and goes through the whole just as the fast biter get's there and sinks his teeth into the bush. He spits it out when he realizes it's not meat, then slowly crawls through the same hole.

Rhett: "That was close!"

Ali: "I don't know how long we can keep this up!"

Rhett stops running. Ali turns around, confused.

Ali: "Rhett, what are you doing?"

Rhett: "Just go on. I don't want him to get you too!"

Ali: "Rhett!"

Rhett: "Please, just go!"

Ali starts running again.

turns around and sees the fast biter coming.

Rhett: (Gulps) "Come on, you bully!"

Ali keeps running, and the scene fades back to the present.

Ali: "And I just kept running."

She pauses for a moment.

Ali: "I... never saw him again after that."

She starts to cry again.

Littlefoot: "Ali, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Ali: "I know that Rhett was really mean the last time me and him came over, but after that, he changed."

Littlefoot: "He did?"

Ali: "Yes, he did. He become a lot more honest and caring of others."

Littlefoot: "I know how you feel. I lost my Grandpa not too long ago."

Ali: "Grandpa Longneck is gone?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, he is."

He pauses for awhile to think.

"He was almost like my father in a way. He looked after me all of those cold-times when I had no one else."

Ali: "I'm sorry."

Littlefoot: "You don't have to be sorry."

Ali: "Well, you don't have to either. I think I'm ok now."

Littlefoot: "Want to go back to everyone else yet?"

Ali: "Yes, lets go back."

Cera: Walking up to the longnecks. "Hey."

Littlefoot: "Where did you come from?"

Ducky: Walking up. "We came because you two were taking awhile, yup yup yup."

Cera: "I overheard about Rhett Ali. I'm sorry for what I said."

Ali: "It's ok. He was mean to all of you, and you didn't know Cera."

Chomper: "Well, do you want to play some more?"

Ali: "Sure. We could play some..."

The ground starts shaking.

Ruby: "What was that?"

Littlefoot: "It's our parents."

Cera: "Parents!? We gotta get back to our nests!"

Ducky: "Oh yes, we are still in trouble!"

The gang starts breaking up.

Ali: "See you all later!"

Littlefoot calls back as he runs off.

Littlefoot: "I'll see you, Ali!"

Scene: The Longneck nest, at dusk.

Littlefoot is sitting in the nest. He's looking a little down. Ali walks up to him.

Ali: "Hello again."

Littlefoot: "Hey Ali."

Ali: "I just wanted to say I have to go now."

Littlefoot: "Go? Your leaving the Great Valley already?"

Ali: (Laughs.) "No, I'm just going back to the nest my herd started here."

Littlefoot: "Oh. That's a relief!"

Ali: "We're going to stay for awhile at least. I don't know how long for sure, but awhile."

Littlefoot: "In that case, we can play some more tomorrow!"

Ali: "That sounds like fun! I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Littlefoot: "Okay, bye Ali."

He lays his head on the ground and acts bored. Ali walks off. and the scene fades out.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: LBTDiclonius on April 01, 2011, 09:58:35 PM
Hm, I knew something like that would happen to Rhett, personally I don't care if he's gone or not.

Anyways, glad Ali made an appearance in this chapter, and it was kind weird not seeing Professer in the chapter, anyways, good chapter, update soon. ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 02, 2011, 03:44:24 PM
Episode 7 - Ape Man

Scene: The Great Valley, Very early in the morning.

A blue light appears, like the one before. The Professor steps out of the light holding a large, heavy looking, cardboard box. He walks off towards the edge of the valley, and the scene fades out.

Scene: A forest in the Great Valley. Later in the morning.

The Gang is walking through the woods, Ali and Chomper in tow.

Ali: "Who is this person you wanted me to meet again?"

Littlefoot: "His name is Professor."

Cera: "You say you saw him this morning, Petrie?"

Petrie: "yes, me did! Me was flying around earlier, and me saw him."

Ducky: "I was starting to think we would not see him again, I did."

Chomper: "Oh well." He looks disappointed. "I thought he was gone too."

Ali: "So you wanted to tell me that he was a little weird before I met him. Is he a sharptooth or something?"

Littlefoot: "No, He's not a sharptooth.

Cera: "I don't really know what he is, to tell you the truth."

Chomper: "I think I know!"

Littlefoot: "What?"

Chomper: "Um, never mind. It was just a guess, anyway."

Littlefoot: "There he is!"

The Gang sees the Professor holding his box. He is walking towards a cave on the outskirts of the Great Valley.

Littlefoot: "Hey Professor!"

Professor: Looking back at the Gang. "Huh? Oh hey, dinosaurs."

Cera: "We have someone here to meet you."

Professor: Sets down his box and walks up to Ali. "Oh, yellow."

Ali: "Um, hi there." She looks the Professor over. "I've never seen someone like you before."

Professor: "That a bad thing or something?"

Ali: "No, It's just...nothing."

Cera: "So what are you doing, Professor?"

Professor: "Just moving some things."

Littlefoot: "What kind of things?"

Professor: "I don't think you'd understand. I'm moving in." He picks up his box, and heads toward the cave again. The Gang follows.

Ducky: "Moving in? We thought when we did not see you yesterday, that you left, yup yup yup."

Littlefoot: "We thought you had moved on to somewhere else."

Professor: "Why would you think that?"

Chomper: "Well, your a farwalker. We just figured you moved on."

Professor: Stops and thinks for a minute. "It's true, I am a farwalker, but I Really like this Valley."

Littlefoot: "You do?"

Professor: "Yes. I like it much better then the last place I was at, So I've decided to move in and make this my new home!"

Littlefoot: "That's great!"

Chomper: Looks a little annoyed. "Isn't there someplace else you'd rather be?"

Professor: "Nope, I want to stay here."

The Professor and the Gang come up to the cave, and the Professor starts walking in.

Ali: "your going to live in a cave?"

Professor: "Actually, I've been living here."

Chomper "You have? Like me?"

Professor: "Of course!"

Littlefoot: "Can we come in?"

Professor: "No."

Cera: "Why not? I'd really like to see what you got in there!"

Professor: "I don't think you would understand what you were seeing."

Chomper: "Yeah, He's probably right."

Cera: "Why is it you don't want to come in, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Uh, no reason."

Littlefoot: "Then I guess we'll drop it for now.

Ali: "Are we going to go play something today or what?"

Cera: "I'm sure we could think of something."

Professor: "Actually, I have something you could help me with."

Littlefoot: "Really? What is it?"

Professor: "I'm looking for something, and I haven't been able to find any of it in the Great Valley."

Ali: "What are you looking for?"

Professor: "This might be hard to explain. I'm looking for some iron ore."

Littlefoot: "Whats that?"

Professor: "It's a special kind of rock, and you can turn it into metal."

Ducky: "What is metal?"

Professor: "Now that's another thing I can't explain!"

Cera: "So let me get this straight. You want us to help you look for some weird rock none of us have ever heard of. And this rock can be turned into something else we've never heard of?"

Professor: "Thats right!"

Cera: "And you can't find any of it in the Great Valley, so you want us to go into the Mysterious Beyond to help you look for it?"

Professor: "Right again!"

Chomper: "Sounds like fun!"

Petrie: "fun? Fun!?"

Ducky: "I'm not sure I want to go back out there, no."

Littlefoot: "Is this important to you, Professor?"

PRofessor: "Yes. It's very important that I find some."

Littlefoot: "We'll, I guess were going then."

Cera: "WHAT!?"

Littlefoot: "If we stay together, we'll be safer. I'm sure it'll be ok."

Cera: "Well, you'll need me for protection!"

Professor: "Lets go!"

-------------------------------<Commercial break>------------------------------

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, in the afternoon.

The Gang, Ali, Chomper, and the Professor are walking around, searching for the iron ore the Professor wants.

Cera: "We have been out here for awhile."

Professor: We need to keep looking."

Littlefoot: "All of those other rocks we found for you weren't it?"

Professor: "No. None of them were."

Cera: "I think we need to go home now."

Littlefoot: "We can keep looking.

Chomper: "Yeah, We're pretty safe."

Cera: "No were not! A Sharptooth could jump out any second!"

Chomper: "I don't smell any sharpteeth."

Ducky: "You are not usually the one to be scared of things Cera."

Cera: "I'm not scared. I just don't want anything to happen to all of you."

The Professor walks up to a cliff face. The gang follows.

Professor: "I wonder if there is any here." He looks around, and studies some rocks on the cliff face. "Nope, another dud. Come on, let's keep looking."

Cera: Starting to look angry. "I'm tired of looking. Let's go home already!"

Littlefoot: "Come on Cera, we'll be fine."

Cera: "I'm getting sick and tired of the Professor telling us what to do!"

Cera charges at the Professor. She pushes the Professor against the cliff wall. The Professor's arm device gets smashed against the rock, and it short circuits.

Professor: "What did you do that for?"

Littlefoot: "Fighting won't solve anything!"

Ducky: "Are you ok, Professor?"

Professor: "I suppose I'm fine. It's just..." His voice suddenly changes to a bears voice.

Everyone takes a step back.

Littlefoot: "What just happened?"

Professor: Plays around with the device and talks again. "That's weird. I think it's working now. Now then, I was talking about the..."

The device short circuits again. The Professor yells out in pain in Sharptooth.

Petrie: "Me getting scared!"

The Professor rips the device off of his arm, and throws it on the ground.

Professor: "Ah ei ei ooh!"

Ducky: "What is wrong with the Professor?"

Cera: "He can't talk!"

Littlefoot: "I think I know whats going on. He told me that thing on his arm lets him talk to us. Since it's broken, he must not be able to talk leaf-eater anymore!"

Petrie: "That bad, very bad!"

Chomper: "You mean he can't really speak leaf-eater?"

Littlefoot: "No, he needs that thing on his arm to talk to us. When I first met him, he couldn't talk to me either."

Ali: "That's awful!"

Professor: With a very angry face. "ah ah hi o hi hi hoo." He punches the rock wall, and cries out in pain. "AIEEE!" He then put his hands over his face.

Littlefoot: Walks up and gently pushes on the Professor with his head. "I know you can't understand me right now, but We're still here for you."

The Professor takes his hands off of his face, and pets Littlefoot on his head.

Cera: "Well, what are we going to do now?"

Professor: Points his hand out in the direction of a mountain. "Oo oo hi!"

Cera: Rolls here eyes. "Here we go again!"

The Professor walks off, and the Gang follows.

Scene: The mountain.

The Professor walks up to the side of the mountain and starts examining the rocks.

Littlefoot: "I'm wondering if he'll find what he's looking for here."

Cera: "I'm actually hoping he does find it, I've been ready to go home for a while now!"

Petrie: "Me wanna go home too!"

Professor: Exclaiming. (Ah! uh hi hi ho oo!) He walks over to the Gang and starts pushing them to some nearby bushes.

Cera: "Whats he pushing us for?"

Littlefoot: "I think he wants us to get out of the way, but what for?"

The gang goes behind the bushes, and the Professor follows. The Professor pulls out his handheld weapon, and fires a shot at the mountain. Theres a flash of light, and a loud noise, and several medium sized rocks fly off of the mountain base.

The gang is startled, and run out from behind the Bush.

Petrie: "No! What going on!?"

Cera: "What was that? A earthshake?"

Littlefoot: "Did the Professor just do that?"

Ali: "I don't know whether to be sorry for him, or be scared of him!"

Professor: Walks up to the the mountain, picks up a good sized rock, and puts it in his backpack. He walks up to the Gang, still cowering in fear. He laughs. "hu he he he!".

Cera: "Is he making fun of us or something?"

Littlefoot: Starting to laugh. "He probably thought you were scared, Cera!"

Cera gets up and tackles Littlefoot.

Chomper: "I think there's a lot of things we don't know about the Professor. It's weird how he doesn't talk about himself much."

Ducky: "He is probably just shy, yup yup yup!"

Littlefoot: Getting up. "Well, I guess it's time to go home."

A Sharptooth roar is heard.

Ali: "What was that?

Chomper: "Wasn't me!"

Cera: "I told you we should have left sooner!"

A fast biter comes up to the Gang, and Charges.

Littlefoot: "No time to argue!" he starts running.

The rest of the Gang and the Professor start running with Littlefoot. Chomper stays behind in the bushes. Ducky trips. The rest of the Gang stops and turns around.

Littlefoot: "DUCKY!"

--------------------------------<Commercial break>-----------------------------

Fast Biter: Grabs Ducky in her claw. <You'll do just fine for the lesson!> She runs off.

Cera: Starting to run towards the fast biter. "We have to help her!"

Littlefoot: "It's to late. That sharptooth got her."

Petrie: "Oh, poor Ducky!" He falls on Littlefoot's back and starts crying.

Cera: Walking back to the rest of the Gang, with her head lowered. "What a way to go. Poor little ducky." Her eyes tear up.

Ali: "I can't lose another friend!" She starts crying as well.

Chomper: Running up to the group. "what are you waiting for, lets get ducky!"

Littlefoot: "It's too late, Chomper."

Chomper: "I don't think so. I heard what the fast biter said. She didn't eat Ducky on the stop, but she ran off with her."

Cera: "So?"

Chomper: "I think she is keeping Ducky alive long enough to take back to her kids to see if they can hunt her."

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Chomper: "Yeah. My parents used to do that for me!"

The Rest of the Gang just stare at him. Chomper realizes what he just said, and lowers his head in shame.

Littlefoot: Walks up to Chomper, with an almost somber look on his face. "Well, lets just not think about that right now..." He gets a determined face. "We need to go help Ducky!"

Chomper: Looking up at Littlefoot. "Ok, Littlefoot!"

The Gang runs off to where the fast biter ran off too. The Professor follows.

Scene: Somewhere else in the Mysterious Beyond, at a fast biter nest.

The fast biter walks up into view, Says something in sharptooth, and drops Ducky on the ground.

Ducky: "What is going on? You are not going to eat me?" She looks over to see 3 young fast biters. "Oh, you are cute little ones, yup yup yup!". The young fast biters growl and charge at Ducky. She starts running away. "No no no!"

The Gang come running up to behind a tree close to the nest.

Littlefoot: "You were right, Chomper!"

Chomper: "We need to do something!"

The young fast biters snap their jaws at Ducky.

Ducky: "They are not very cute anymore, no!"

The Professor walks out from behind the tree, and points his weapon at the mother fast biter.

Littlefoot: "NO! Not that way!" He Nudges the Professor and points his tail at the Young Fast biters.

The Professor seems to get the message. He aims his weapon to some nearby rocks and fires. The Explosion startles the mother Fast biter. She roars something and runs off. Ducky trips again. She looks back at the approaching young sharpteeth and screams. She covers her head in fear. The young sharpteeth hear their mother, and run off with her.

Chomper runs out and acts like he's hungry. He sneaks up on Ducky, touches her, and yells. "Gotcha!"

Ducky: Jumps up and screams again. "Chomper! Why did you do that?"

Chomper: "I thought it would be funny!"

Ducky: "I was about to be eated, Chomper!"

Chomper: Laughing. "Aww, it was just a joke!"

The rest of the Gang run up to Chomper and Ducky.

Littlefoot: "your ok, Ducky!"

Ali: "We thought you were done for!"

Ducky: "Well, I guess I am happy Chomper got me."

All of the dinosaurs laugh. The Professor just stares at everyone, since he can't tell what anyone is saying.

Cera: "Can we FINALLY go home now?"

Scene: Back in the Great Valley, in front of the Professor's cave. It is dusk.

The sound of Hammering is heard deep in the cave.

Petrie: "What Professor doing in there, anyway?"

Littlefoot: "I don't know, Petrie."

A saw is heard heard from inside the cave. The cave lights up for a second.

Cera: "I'm starting to wonder too."

Chomper: "He scares me sometimes."

The Professor walks out of the cave, with a new communication device on his arm. He Messes around with it, and speaks.

Professor: "Can you hear me now?"

Littlefoot: "You fixed it!"

Professor: "Oh my, yes. It's so good to hear somebodies voice again!"

Cera: "I guess I'm sorry for breaking that thing on your arm."

Professor: "It's ok."

Ali: "This has been a long day! I'm going to go lay down." She walks off.

Littlefoot: "Yeah, it's getting late." He goes to his nest.

Ducky: "What are you going to use that rock for, Professor?"

Professor: "I'm going to build something out of it."

Petrie: "Me want to see what you make when you done!"

Professor: He sighs. "Maybe."

Petrie flies off, while Ducky walks off.

Chomper: He eyes the Professor. "We'll I"ll see you tomorrow, Professor!"

Professor: "Eyes Chomper back. "I'll see you, too!"

Chomper walks off, and the Professor walks back into his cave.  The scene fades.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: LBTDiclonius on April 02, 2011, 06:05:06 PM
Heh, oh, Cera, you can be so...pushy at times. :rolleyes: Lol.

Anyways, nice chapter, glad Professer got his communicater, I'm just gonna call it that, fixed. As always, nice work. ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 02, 2011, 06:56:53 PM
Wicked Cool Vonboy!!!  :DD  it's triple cool! plus I'd give 10 point up for that.  ;)

So while you work on the 8th chapter have you thought of a real name for the professor yet?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 02, 2011, 07:51:55 PM
I never really intended for the Professor to have a real name. Plus I think everyone just calling him the Professor is kind of cool.

I need some help with my fanctiction too. I'm running out of idea's for episodes :cry . Basically, I want to continue the first season until about episode 12 (That sounds like a good even decent number of episodes for a season, doesn't it?) I know what I will do for the Season finale, but I won't be spoiling that yet. It'll be great though.

My problem is getting to that season finale right now. One thing I'm planning to do is the Cold Times (Winter) starting a couple of episode before the finale, and it still being the Cold Times during the finale. I know I'm going to introduce the rainbow faces at some point, but I was wanting to hold that off until sometime in season 2. I wouldn't really want to bring them out now just because I'm out of ideas.

I'm thinking maybe a episode that really involves the grownups, because they've kinda been in the background. I don't know how to involve them though. I could introduce another long-gone character like Ali, but I don't want to do that in every episode.

Do you have any ideas of what I could do, or maybe something you would like to see me do? Thanks for any help you've got folks :smile .
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 02, 2011, 08:12:18 PM
Well I was thinking about you having a Therizinosaurs in the final along with new ceratopsians which were recently discovered in southern Utah by Dr. Scott Sampson. they new ceratopsians are called Utahceratops and Kosmoceratops I was thinking that you'd add the yellow bellies Loofah and Doofah and also Foobie too, This is my advise and thought for you.  ;)  what do ya say to that?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 02, 2011, 09:55:07 PM
At first when you said to add the yellow bellies, I though "WHAT!?". I never saw the 13th movie, and I never really want to.

But then after thinking for awhile, I thought of something interesting I could do with them. Something to do with Chomper (No, I don't mean feeding them to Chomper either :lol ).  I've seen reviews of the movie, so I know basically what happens in it.

Got any other ideas? :idea
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 05, 2011, 06:49:40 PM
Episode 8 - Wrong Side of the Claw

Scene: The Great Valley. Day time. The Gang comes into view, and start singing the "Friends for Dinner" song, but a little differently.

Everyone: "Friends for dinner."

Littlefoot: "He just wants to have friends for dinner.

Chomper: Walking on screen "I'll have some Threehorn soup, and Littlefoot Stew." He grabs Petrie and walks off-screen.

Petrie(Off-screen): "You won't think it's funny when he chew on you." Chomper makes a loud chomping sound. "AHH!"

Littlefoot: Looking toward Chomper. "That's not a very nice thing to do."

Everyone: "To have friends for dinner!"

Littlefoot: "He can't eat vegetables, Only meat." Chomper runs up and grabs Ducky, and runs off-screen.

Cera: "He'll munch and he'll crunch those little duck feet!"

Chomper makes another chomping sound, and Ducky screams.

Littlefoot: "This time were not pretending to be."

Everyone: "Friends for dinner!"

Everyone: "Friends for dinner."

Littlefoot: "He's having some friends for dinner."

Cera: "He'll gnaw your arm, and nibble your leg."

Littlefoot: "But we've known Chomper since he was an egg."

Chomper: Chomper runs onscreen and drags Spike off-screen.

Cera: "If he just eats Spike, wouldn't that be enough?"

Chomper makes another Chomping sound.

Everyone: "One thing we know we don't want to be, is friends for dinner!"

Everyone: "Friends for dinner. Don't wanna be friends for dinner!"

Cera: "He'll have some Spike a la mode, and liver of duck."

Chomper grabs and drags Cera off-screen.

Littlefoot: "He'll spit out Cera, cause she's too tough.

Chomper: Makes a chomping sound. "Yuk!"

Littlefoot: Runs off. "You know you've run out of luck, when your friends for dinner." He get's to a dead end. "Friends for dinner." He looks back at Chomper, and Chomper is licking his lips. "Friends for dinner."

Chomper: Crouches down and gets ready to pounce. "My friends for dinner!" He jumps toward the camera and bites.

Scene: Inside the Professor's cave.

The Professor is asleep on a pile of moss in a corner of his cave. He suddenly wakes up and almost jumps out of bed.

Professor: "AAH!" He catches his breath. "Oh, it was just a dream." He gets up and walks around the cave. "A pretty silly dream at that." He walks out of the cave. "Still, I am worried about all of those leafeaters."

Scene: A grassy field in the Great Valley, at day time.

Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, and Petrie are playing a soccer-like game with a pointy seed. Littlefoot is running with the pointy seed. Cera runs up and takes it from him.

Cera: "HA! I got it this time Littlefoot!"

Littlefoot: "Come back here!" He runs after Cera.

Spike runs up and rams with Cera. Both of them fall on the ground. The Pointy seed rolls away from the pair, and Ducky grabs it and runs.

Ducky: "I got the seed now, I do!"

Petrie: Flies over and grabs the pointy seed, and flies off. "Me got it!"

Ducky: Still holding on. "No you do not. I still do, yup!"

Petrie: "Which way it going, Ducky?"

Littlefoot runs over and bites Ducky's tail. He mumbled in a weird voice. "I got you now!"

Petrie: "Why me no move anymore?"

Spike runs over and tries to tackle Littlefoot. Littlefoot falls over, but holds on to Ducky's tail.

Ducky: "Spike!"

Petrie: "Ahh!"

Cera: Charges forward. "I got you all now!"

Cera Crashes into the group, and everyone falls on the ground and starts laughing. The pointy seed rolls away.

Littlefoot: "So was that a tie?"

Ducky: "I guess so, Littlefoot."

Petrie: "No one got pointy seed now, so me guess so too."

Cera: "What are we going to do now?"

Littlefoot: "I could go for lunch."

Cera: "Wow, Spike isn't the first one that wants to eat."

Ducky: "Now that is a first, yup!"

Petrie: "Yup."

The Gang walk off to look for some food.

Scene: Somewhere else in the Great Valley.

The Gang come up to two weird looking plants.

Cera: "What are those plants doing there? I don't remember any plants being here."

Ducky: "They look kind of weird, they do, they do."

Littlefoot: "Now where have I seen these plants before? I wonder."

Spike walks up and tries to eat one of the plants. He bites on the leaves, and tries to pull the plant out of the ground. The plant pops out of the ground, and it and Spike somersault together a few times before the plant ends up on top of Spike. The plant is actually a yellow belly. Loofah, to be exact.

Loofah: Laughing. "You know, that was my tail you were biting!"

Littlefoot: "Loofah!"

--------------------------------<Commercial break>-----------------------------

Littlefoot: Loofah, It's you?"

Loofah: Giggling. "Of course it's loofah, who else would it be?"

Doofah: Pops out of the ground. "Whats all of this ruckus?"

Cera: "Oh, hey Doofah."

Doofah: "Hello my friends!"

Ducky: "Hello Loofah and Doofah. How are you two doing?"

Doofah: "We're doing fine, as always!"

Littlefoot: "What are you two doing here?"

Loofah: "We got separated from our herd again."

Professor: Walking up on the conversation. "Hey everyone." He takes a look at the yellow bellies. "Who are these turkeys?"

Loofah: "Whats a turkey?"

Professor: "Um, nothing. Never mind."

Littlefoot: "Their yellow bellies, Professor. Loofah is the leader of a herd of them, and he and Doofah here got separated from them."

Professor: Sarcastically. "Now that's being a great leader!"

Loofah: "I'm not worried though. Me and Doofah can rest here some then go look for them."

Littlefoot: "We can go with you and help you look!"

Professor: "And people called me crazy. You wanna know why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters." He starts walking off. "Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of the..." You can't hear the rest of his rant.

Ducky: "The Professor scares me sometimes, he does."

Littlefoot: "As you can see, we were about to eat. You two wanna join us?"

Loofah: "Sure!"

Doofah: "We're both starving!"

Scene: Close to the Watering Hole. The Gang and the yellow bellies are around a pile of treesweets. The yellow bellies are eating ravenously.

Cera: "You sure are hungry, aren't ya?"

The yellow bellies just keep eating.

Chomper: Stepping up from behind some bushes. "Hey guys. How's it going?"

The yellow bellies see chomper, yell, get up and run around some, then crash into each other.

Littlefoot: "It's alright guys. Chomper here is a friendly sharptooth."

Loofah: "Really?"

Chomper: "Yeah, I'm not going to eat you. I'm one of Littlefoot's friends!"

Doofah: "That's good to know!"

Chomper: "So, what are you anyway?"

Loofah and Doofah go back to stuffing their faces, so Littlefoot answers.

Littlefoot: "They're yellow bellies. We've met them before Chomper, but that was before you ever came back to the Great Valley."

Chomper: Some of the juices from the two yellow bellies fly into his face. "Wow, they sure do eat a lot." He starts to slowly lick his lips, but catches himself and shakes his head.

Littlefoot: "Yeah, they eat even more than Spike does."

Spike: "Yuh-huh."

Chomper: "So you met them before? What did you all do together?"

Littlefoot: "Well, last time, they got separated form the herd, and we helped them find the herd and get beck to Berry Valley."

Cera: "But we were chased by a pack of sharpteeth on the way."

Chomper: "Really? That sounds exciting!"

Petrie: "Me not call it exciting, but it pretty scary though."

Chomper: "How did you get away from the Sharpteeth?"

Cera: "We scared them away."

Chomper: "Really? How?"

Loofah: Gets up, and talks. "We Singed!"

Chomper: Starts to laugh. He falls on the ground, and laughs some more. "Are you serious?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, He's serious. The yellow bellies singed, and that scared the Sharpteeth away!"

Chomper: Starting to get mad. "That...That's impossible!"

Doofah: "How so?"

Chomper: "Scaring away big, vicious sharpteeth by singing? That would never work!"

Cera: "How do you know?"

Chomper: "I'm a sharptooth. I'm an expert on these things." Walking up to Loofah, getting more angry. "And saying a Sharptooth would be scared away by something like that...That's an insult to my kind!" He stomps away angrily.

Cera: "Whats gotten into Chomper?"

Ruby: "I don't know. I've only seen him that mad a couple of times before."

Scene: close to the Professor's cave in the Great Valley.

The Professor is outside of the cave. Chomper walks up to him.

Chomper: "Have you seen these newcomers, Professor?"

Professor: "Yeah, and I don't really like them."

Chomper: "Me either!"

Professor: "They don't seem very smart. The leader lost his heard, and he doesn't even feel like looking for them."

Chomper: "And they said they scared away Sharpteeth by singing. SINGING!?"

Professor: Sarcastically. "Oh my. I'd love to see that!"

Chomper: "They make me so angry. They just make me want to..."

Professor: "...Eat them?"

Chomper: "No, I'd never do that!"

Professor: "Oh. Well, I wouldn't have minded much if you ate the yellow bellies."

Chomper: "I can't do that!"

Professor: Sighs "Oh well."

Chomper: "So, what are they going to do?"

Professor: "I think Littlefoot and the Gang are going to take them to find their herd."

Chomper: "In the Mysterious Beyond?"

Professor: "Yeah, I guess so."

Chomper: "They can't go there! Not alone! I need to make sure they're ok!"

Professor: "I'll go too. To make sure they're ok...from you."

Chomper: Staring Angrily at the Professor: "I don't know how you STILL think I'm going to just eat my friends!" He sighs. "Fine, you come along too."

Chomper runs off, and the Professor follows.

----------------------------<Commercial break>---------------------------------

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond.

The Gang and the two yellow bellies are looking for the yellow belly herd.

Littlefoot: "Do you remember where they were, Loofah?"

Loofah: "Not really."

Doofah: "Don't worry, we'll find them sooner or later."

Loofah: "Just don't worry about it, and you'll feel it. You'll just feel what you need to do."

Cera: Why did you all leave Berry Valley in the first place?"

Loofah: "You know, I really don't know."

Ducky: "You do not? But your the leader!"

Loofah: "It's not something I should be worrying about."

Cera rolls her eyes. The gang unknowingly walk by Redclaw, who's behind some trees, laying on the ground, asleep. Redclaw sniffs the air some, and opens his eyes.

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, closer the the Great Valley.

Chomper and the Professor are walking around, looking for the Gang. Chomper has his sniffer on the ground, trying to catch the scent of someone familiar.

Professor: "Smell anyone yet?"

Chomper: Bringing his head up, with mud all over his nose, changing his voice. "Nope." He shakes the mud off of his face.

Professor: "So, do you talk to other sharpteeth much?"

Chomper: "No, not really. There aren't any other sharpteeth in the Great Valley. I'm the only one who's even allowed in.

Professor: "Wait. So, the grownups know your there, too?"

Chomper: "Yup."

Professor: "And they allow you to be in the Great Valley?"

Chomper: "Yes, they do."

Professor: "Really? Hmm..."

Chomper: "What are you thinking about?"

Professor: "Oh, nothing really. So, smell anything now?"

Chomper: "I think I smell Littlefoot this way!" He starts running in that direction.

Professor: Giving chase. "You aren't smelling with your stomach again, are you?"

Scene: A little valley at the bottom of a canyon. It is fairly lush and green.

The gang are walking in in the canyon.

Petrie: Flying high in the sky. "Hey everybody, Me think me see the herd!"

Littlefoot: "Where are they?"

Petrie: "Just a ways over there." He fly's over in that direction, the other end of the Valley.

Ducky: "We are almost there, yup yup yup!"

Littlefoot: Water starts dripping on Littlefoot's head. "Hey, whats that, sky water?"

Spike looks up at Redclaw, screams, and start running.

Cera: "What's going on?" She looks up and screams.

Every one else looks up, screams, and starts running. Redclaw chases.

On top of the canyon, Chomper and the Professor hear the Gang's screams.

Chomper: "They're in trouble!" He runs faster.

In the little valley, the Gang come up to the yellow belly herd.

Loofah: "Everyone, Run!"

The herd starts running away with the Gang. They come up to the end of the valley, trapped.

Littlefoot: "Got any ideas' Loofah?"

Loofah starts singing.

Littlefoot: Oh yeah, just like last time!" He starts to sing too.

Everyone else trapped at the end of the valley starts to sing. They all have their eyes closed.

Chomper and the Professor come up to the edge of the canyon and look down below.

Chomper: "There they are!"

Professor: "Looks like they're trying to scare Redclaw away."

Chomper: "That'll never work, especially on Redclaw!"

Redclaw stares at everyone singing. He licks his lips.

Chomper: "We've got to do something, but we don't have time to get down there!"

Professor: "You could say something to scare Redclaw away."

Chomper: Staring at the Professor. "No I can't!"

Professor: "Perhaps you can!" He open his backpack, and pulls a megaphone out. He turns it on and puts it in front of Chomper. "Yell into this. I'll make you sound a lot louder!"

Chomper yells at the top of his longs into the megaphone. The megaphone magnifies Chomper's voice to travel all across the valley below. Redclaw hears this new sound, and backs away, then turns around and runs off.

Chomper: "It worked!"

Professor: Putting the megaphone back in his backpack. "Look over there, theres a way down!"

Chomper and the Professor works their way down the canyon as everyone down below is still singing. When the pair gets to the bottom, everyone else stops singing.

Loofah: "It worked!"

Littlefoot: "I didn't think it was going to work, but you showed us!"

Doofah: "Theres lots of berries here, just like in Berry Valley."

Loofah: "That's good, I was getting hungry again!"

Loofah, Doofah, and the other yellow bellies go over to the berry bushes and start devouring berries.

Professor: "Hm, I wonder." He takes a few of the berries in his hand. He eats one, and smashes another in his hand and smells it. "Oh my!"

Scene: The Berry Valley.

The Gang, Chomper, the Professor, and all the yellow bellies are talking.

Loofah: "I knew singing would work!"

Chomper: "That didn't save you!"

Doofah: "What do you mean?"

Chomper: "Didn't you hear the sharptooth roars?"

Loofah: "Nope."

Littlefoot: "I didn't hear any either."

Chomper: "That's because you all were too busy singing to Redclaw!" He gives up. "Fine, I suppose it was your singing that saved you." He walks off toward the Professor.

Loofah: Starts singing. "I feel so happy I want everyone to see. It's like the bright circle is shining inside of me!"

Chomper and the Professor chat while the yellow bellies sing in the background.

Chomper: "They sure are loud and annoying."

Professor: "Why did you tell them they saved themselves?"

Chomper: "I was tired of arguing, and I thought it would make them quiet down sooner." He covers his ear holes. "I thought wrong!"

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 09, 2011, 04:31:52 PM
:wow Wicked Cool Vonboy, You added Loofah and Doofah on the 8th chapter I'll give you 10 points of it. Cause is way tripple cool  :DD So how is it going on the rest? honestly
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 09, 2011, 06:58:14 PM
Episode 9 - Parents Know Best

Scene: The longneck nest in the Great Valley, in the morning.

Littlefoot and Shorty are still asleep. Grandma Longneck and Bron are awake.

Grandma Longneck: "Good morning, Bron."

Bron: "Good morning, Mom."

Grandma Longneck: "So, were going to have that meeting today?"

Bron: "Well, yes. It's nothing serious though. Just routine."

Grandma Longneck: "Don't you think the boys have been asleep long enough?"

Bron: "Yeah, your probably right, Mom." He brings his head down to Littlefoot and Shorty, and nudges both of them gently. "Littlefoot. Shorty. It's time to get up."

Littlefoot: Yawns "Oh, Good morning Dad."

Shorty: "Whats going on? I'm still tired."

Bron: "Really?"

Grandma Longneck: "Why are you two still so tired?"

Littlefoot: "We couldn't sleep good last night."

Bron: "Another scary sleep story?"

Shorty: "No."

Bron: "Were you too doing something last night?"

Littlefoot: "No, We weren't doing anything."

Grandma Longneck: "Well, what are you kids going to be doing today?"

Shorty: "We'll think of something."

Littlefoot: "We should probably meet up with the others. I'm sure we could do something with them."

Shorty: "Alright, let's go!"

Littlefoot and Shorty run off.

Bron: "I wonder what they were doing last night."

Grandma Longneck: Laughing. "Oh, I don't know. They're always up to something."

Bron: "They're quite adventurous!"

Grandma Longneck: "Just like you were!"

Bron gives Grandma Longneck an annoyed look.

Scene: The Threehorn nest.

Cera is still asleep. Tricia jumps on top of Cera, and Cera squirms around some before getting up.

Cera: "Uhh. Tricia, what did you do that for?"

Tricia: "Cera tired. Get Cera up. he he he!"

Cera Gets annoyed. She starts to run at Tricia.

Mr. Threehorn: "Cera!"

Cera: Stops running. "Dad?"

Mr.Threehorn: "Now why are you so grumpy? Didn't get much sleep last night?"

Cera: "I'm not grumpy, I was just mad at Tricia for waking me up so early."

Tria: "Early? The bright circle is way up in the sky now!"

Mr.Threehorn: "Heh. What were you doing last night?"

Cera: "Nothing." She turns and starts running off. "Oh, I'm late! I have to meet up with my friends!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Cera!" Cera was too far away to hear. "Humph!'

Tria: "Don't get too mad Topsy."

Mr. Threehorn: "But...but"

Tria: "Just drop it. You know, she probably just played too hard yesterday. Trying to get as strong as you."

Mr. Threehorn: Starting to blush. "Oh, perhaps so." He laughs.

Scene: The swimmer nest.

Spike is in some bushes, eating lunch. Ducky is asleep in the nest. Ducky's mom picks up Ducky in her mouth, and she begins to wake up.

Ducky: Yawns. "wh...what mom?"

Ducky's Mom slings Ducky into the water to wake her up. Ducky comes up after a couple seconds.

Ducky: Coughs. "Hey! What did you do that for, Mom?"

Ducky's Mom: "You weren't waking up, and it's almost midday."

Ducky: Swimming to shore. "It is?"

Ducky's Mom: "Why yes, it is Ducky. Why are you so tired Ducky? Were you doing something last night?"

Ducky: "Um, I could not sleep last night, so I went for a swim, yup yup yup!"

Ducky's Mom: "Really? That doesn't sound believable."

Ducky: "It doesn't?"

Ducky's Mom: "No. What were you really doing last night?"

Ducky: "Well...Wait, My friends! I am supposed to meet up with my friends today!" She runs off.

Ducky's Mom: "Ducky! Heh, oh well." She turns to Spike, who's still eating. "At least I have one child who isn't always getting in trouble."

Scene: The flyer nest, on a cliff.

Petrie is asleep. two of his siblings pick him up, each holding one of his wings, and jump of the cliff.

Petrie's Sibling #1: "He's still not awake."

Petrie's Sibling #2: "What do we try now?"

Petrie's Sibling #1: "Ooh, I know!"

Petrie's siblings lead Petrie towards the Watering Hole. They let go of him, and he fly's straight toward the water.

Petrie: Waking up. "Me nest feel so good. Like air!" He opens his eyes and looks at the water. "What? Oh no no no nohoho!"

Petrie tries to pull up, and skims along the water. He comes up, and slams into the face of Ducky's Mom. Petrie's Mom is next to her chatting with her.

Ducky's Mom: "Petrie, What are you doing on my nose?"

Petrie: "Me sorry. Me just woke up."

Petrie's Mom: "Well, finally you decided to wake up."

Ducky's Mom: "My little Ducky slept in late as well."

Petrie's Mom: "why are you so tired Petrie?"

Petrie: Um, me lost me snuggle stick!"

Petrie's Mom: "No you didn't! you had it with you when I woke up!"

Petrie: "Um, Bye!" He flies off to look for his friends.

Petrie's Mom: "Whats going on here?"

Ducky's Mom: "I don't know, Ducky acted the same way. Petrie is probably meeting up with his friends like Ducky said she was doing."

Petrie's Mom: "So, What do you think they were doing? or, what they're doing now for that matter?"

Ducky's Mom: Sighs. "They're always up to something, aren't they?"

Bron: Comes walking up to the mothers. "Meeting! Get everyone together for a meeting!"

Ducky's Mom: "A meeting? What for?""

Bron: "Just a routine meeting. Meet at the Great Circle when the Bright Circle is starting to go down."

Petrie's Mom: "Thats almost now. Let's go!"

-----------------------------<Commercial Break>---------------------------------

Scene: The Great Circle, Just after midday. All the Grownups are gathered around for a meeting.

Murmuring is heard around the Great Circle. A few phrases can be picked out, such as "Whats going on?", "I don't Know.", "Did you hear about the...", and "I heard Mr. Threehorn got angry at Bron for...".

Mr. Threehorn: "Alright everyone. Quite down. Bron is about to speak.

Bron: Steeping up. "Good day everyone. Like I've said, this is just a routine meeting. Nothing to get worried over. Our first subject is the herd of Longnecks.

Mr. Threehorn: "Yes. The Cold Times are coming, and food will be growing short soon. The Farwalkers need to move on so there can be enough food for everyone that lives here!"

Bron: "Now Mr. Threehorn, We've never turned someone away before. I think there will be enough to share."

Old One: Steps up to speak. "Now, you don't have to argue over this, we already decided we are going to leave soon.

Mr. Threehorn: "Really?"

Old One: "Yes, We will be leaving in a few days. We never stay in one place for too long."

Bron: "We'll, We all will be wishing you the best."

Old One: "Thank you." She comes up to Bron. "I think you'll make a fine Old One someday!"

Bron: Blushes, then continues with the meeting. "Now, onto the other farwalker here, The one who calls himself Professor."

Petrie's mom: "He is definitely very weird."

Tria: "He is friendly though, and he's been getting along well with the kids."

Mr. Threehorn: "I still don't trust him!"

Tria: "You don't trust anyone, you old hard head!"

Bron: "I'll admit, I was uneasy about him at first as well, but I think he's proven he's not dangerous."

Grandma Longneck: "I say he can stay, at least for now."

Bron: "Any objections?"

No one objects. Mr. Threehorn is about to say something, but Tria stops him.

Bron: "Ok, if that is all, I think this meeting is at an..."

Ducky's Mom: "Wait! There is something I would like to bring up."

Bron: "What is it? Everyone is allowed to speak here."

Ducky's Mom: "My little Ducky slept in very late today. When I asked her what she was doing, she lied to me. Petrie did the same thing."

Petrie's Mom: "That's right, My Petrie was acting strange."

Bron: "My own Littlefoot and Shorty acted the same way this morning,'

Mr. Threehorn: "So did my Cera! She was so grumpy this morning. Afterwords, she ran off to see all of your kids."

Tria: "They're just being kids!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Well, I'm worried about them."

Grandma Longneck: "I'm worried too. Who knows what kind of trouble they could be getting into?"

Mr. Threehorn: "I'm sure you all know how much trouble they've gotten into before!"

Bron: "We should go see what's going on. They might need us!"

Grandma Longneck: "Alright, Everyone follow Bron."

Bron: "Lets go see if Ruby or Chomper know anything about this."

Bron walks off towards the Secret Caves.

Scene: "Just outside the Secret Caves. Ruby and Chomper are in the caves.

Bron: Walking up. "Now where was their home again?"

Mr. Threehorn: "How am I supposed to know? We've never had to go to their home before."

Grandma Longneck: "All I remember is that we told them they could live in one of these caves."

Bron: "I'll call out for them. Ruby! Chomper!"

Ruby and Chomper walk out of their cave.

Ruby: "Yes, What is it?"

Chomper: "Am I in trouble for something?"

Bron: "No, Chomper. We just wanted to ask you something."

Grandma Longneck: "Have you seen our kids today?"

Ruby: "No, we haven't seen anyone today."

Bron: "Do you know if they were going to do anything today?"

Chomper: "No. They didn't tell us anything."

Mr. Threehorn: Trying to look mean. "Are you sure?"

Ruby: "I'm sure, And Chomper is pretty sure too."

Chomper: "That's right."

Bron: "Well, ok." Turning to the grownups. "Well, let's keep looking."

Bron walks off, and the grownups follow. Ruby and Chomper go back into the Secret Caves.

Ruby: Wipes her forehead. "Whew, that was close!"

Chomper: Pulling on Ruby's arm. "Come on, Ruby! It's time to meet up with everyone else!"

Ruby: "Yes, I suppose it is time."

They both walk off to join the rest of the Gang.

Scene: outside the Professor's cave.

Bron: Trotting up. "Professor, are you there?

No one answers.

Granda Longneck: "Hmm, where is he?"

Mr. Threehorn: Walks up to the cave and yells in at the top of his lungs. "Hello! Anybody in there!?" His voice echoes throughout the cave.

Ducky's Mom: "If anybody was in there, they'd hear that!"

Bron: "Well, lets keep looking."

They all walk off.

Scene: The Great Valley. It was getting dark.

Bron: "We've been looking all day for the kids, and we still can't find them.

Grandma Longneck: "You don't think they went into the Mysterious Beyond, do you?"

Mr. Threehorn: "I wouldn't put it past them!"

Petrie's Mom: "I don't think their out there. They'd tell us if they were going out there, would they?"

Bron: "Let's keep looking in the Great Valley a little longer. If their in the Mysterious Beyond, it'd be almost impossible to find them. It is a huge place out there. We wouldn't even know where to start looking!"

Bron walks off, and the grownups follow.

--------------------------------<Commercial Break>------------------------------

Scene: a remote edge of the Great Valley, after sun down. There is a small clearing surrounded by a forest.

The gang is in the middle of the clearing, around the Professor, who is messing with some equipment.

Littlefoot: "So, when is it going to be ready?"

Professor: "Not much longer. I still have other parts of it to set up."

Cera: "Well, we've helped with it so much. What with looking for the right dirt and what not."

Professor: Laughs. "It's not dirt, it's different kinds of minerals." You know, Sulfur and Phosphorous and stuff.

Cera: "I hope it's worth it."

Ducky: "I do too, yup. We stayed up late last night looking for all of those things."

Petrie: "Me hope it look good!"

Shorty: "I think it will."

Professor: "Alright, It's ready!" He starts walking off, leaving distance between him and the equipment. "Step back everyone!"

The gang run up and get behind the Professor. The Professor pulls out a small box with a button on it.

Professor: "Welp, here we go!" He presses the button.

Scene: The Great Valley, back with the grownups.

Mr. Threehorn: Let's take the search to the Mysterious Beyond already! It's pretty obvious they aren't here!"

Bron: Sighs. "Perhaps this time you're right."

Bron starts to walk off towards the Hidden Valley, but a loud noice is heard. The sound is a loud high-pitched whizzing sound.

Bron: turning to the direction of the sound. "What was that?"

An explosion is heard. More whizzing is heard, with more explosions following.

Mr. Threehorn: "What could that be?"

Ducky's Mom: "Maybe it's sky rocks falling out of the sky."

From the woods that the noise is coming from, A fire starts.

Bron: "It could be. Look! Theres a fire where the sound is coming from!"

Grandma Longneck: "Let's go!"

Everyone runs towards the forest that one fire.

Scene: The burning forest.

The equipment in the middle is a fireworks setup. It is working improperly, and shooting fireworks at the surrounding forest.

Cera: "What's going on? You trying to kill all of us, professor!?"

Professor: "This isn't how it's supposed to work!"

Littlefoot: "Everyone, Run!"

The Gang run through the burning forest. As they leave the forest, they see the Grownups running up to them. The fireworks stop at this point.

Bron: "Kids! Whats going on?"

Littlefoot: "I don't know, we were here with the Professor, and..."

Professor: "Steps in front of Littlefoot and cuts him off. "...Meteorites. Meteorites fell from the sky."

Mr. Threehorn: "What are meteorites?"

Professor: "Um, It's what my kind call flaming rocks that fall from the sky."

It suddenly starts raining.

Bron: "well, at least the fire won't be getting any worse."

Grandma Longneck: "I'm just glad you are all safe."

Mr. Threehorn: "What were you all doing in that forest anyway?"

Littlefoot: "We were just playing."

Ali: "Yes, we were playing with the Professor, when sky rocks started to fall all around us."

Bron: "Well, if everyone is safe, I say it's high time we head back to our nest for a good nights rest."

Ducky's Mom: "You'll all be able to sleep through the sky water, won't you?"

Cera: "I think so."

The grownups starts walking off, and they're kids start following. Ruby and Chomper head a different direction, toward their home in the Secret Caves.

Professor: Walking up to Littlefoot and Shorty. "Hey, guys."

Littlefoot: turning around. "Yes, What is it?"

Professor: "Well...thanks for covering for me. I didn't mean for it to go so wrong. I thought it would look good."

Littlefoot: "You don't have to say your sorry. You didn't mean any harm."

Shorty: "And it did look pretty. Even though it almost killed us."

Professor: Walks up and hugs Littlefoot. "Thank you."

The Professor leaves the young longnecks, and walks off toward his own cave.

Professor: "I'll have to be more careful next time..."

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 09, 2011, 07:39:46 PM
:wow WOW  :wow  that's really cool FIREWORKS now that's somethings  :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 10, 2011, 02:07:07 PM
Episode 10 - All the Colors of the Rainbow

Scene: The Great Valley, midday, next to the Professor's cave.

Professor: Walking out of his cave, wearing a thick coat. "Brr, It's really getting cold now!" A snowflake falls on his nose. "Hmm, Snow? Here?" He extends his hand out to catch a few snowflakes, which melt on impact. "It was so hot here not too long ago. Weather around here is weirder than I thought!" He starts to look worried. "Wait a second. Weren't dinosaurs cold blooded? Wa oh!" He runs off.

Scene: Thundering Falls. Ducky is in the water, and the rest of the Gang is close by.

Ducky: Coming up from underwater. "Come on in, everyone. It will be fun!"

Littlefoot: "I don't think so Ducky. Not today."

Cera: "It's getting too cold for us to get in the water now."

Petrie: "and white ground sparkles are coming out of sky."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, the Cold Times are beginning. You won't be swimming in that water much longer. You'll be walking on it!"

Ducky: Sighs. "Yes, I Know that. I do not really like the cold times, no no no. I was just trying to get all the swimming I could done before it got too cold."

Littlefoot: "Oh, ok Ducky. We'll see if theres something for the rest of us to do."

From behind some bushes, two rainbow faces are observing the dinosaurs. It's the same two rainbow faces from The Stone of Cold Fire, A male one, and a female one.

Female Rainbowface: "What are we doing here again?"

Male Rainbowface: "The higher-ups were very positive with this place. With the inhabitants."

Female Rainbowface: "These dinosaurs are very intriguing."

Male Rainbowface: "Especially that one with a long neck. I think he called himself Littlefoot."

Female Rainbowface: "What do you mean?"

Male Rainbowface: "He was so...inquisitive. The whole time, he asked us questions when most of the others weren't even interested."

Female Rainbowface: "Shouldn't we say hi?"

Male Rainbowface: "I suppose we should."

Both the rainbowfaces walk out of the bushes.

Male Rainbowface: "Hello."

Cera: "Them again?"

Littlefoot: "Cera! Sorry about that."

Male Rainbowface: "It's been a long time since we've been here. We just thought we'd check in on things on this world."

Littlefoot: "What do you mean?"

Female Rainbowface: Slaps the male rainbowface. "Oh, we just wanted to see how everyone here was doing."

Cera: "We're doing fine."

Littlefoot: "Is there another stone of cold-fire or something?"

Male Rainbowface: "No."

Chomper: Walking up. "Hi guys!" He sees the Rainbowfaces. "Oh."

Littlefoot: "Um, I can explain. This probably looks a little weird to you, doesn't it?"

Female Rainbowface: "heh heh heh, not at all!"

Chomper: "Really? That I'm friends with them?"

Male Rainbowface: "Oh, We've seen far stranger things then that!. It is good to see you are friends, though."

Professor: Walks up to the Gang. "Hello everyone."

the male rainbowface looks back at the Professor, and motions the female rainbowface to look back as well.

Ducky: Walking out of the water. "Hello, Professor!"

Professor: "Fine, but how are you all?"

Male Rainbowface: "Who are you?"

Professor: "Who? Me? I"m just a farwalker."

Littlefoot: "These two are farwalkers too! Maybe you three have something in common."

Male Rainbowface: "Maybe more than you know." The female rainbowface slaps him again.

Professor: "Now what does THAT mean?"

Female Rainbowface: "Oh, nothing. He's just kind of tired right now. Anyway, we have something to do, see you all later." Both the rainbowfaces walk off.

Littlefoot: "See you!"

Ducky: "Bye!"

Professor: "So, now to what I'm here for."

Petrie: "And what that be?"

Professor: "I had a question. Isn't this cold weather really bad for you?"

Littlefoot: "What do you mean?"

Professor: "I mean won't it freeze you to death?"

Cera: "Probably not."

Professor: "Really? I thought you all were cold-blooded."

Littlefoot: "Whats that?"

Professor: "Um, it means you don't make your own heat, if you can understand that."

Ducky: "We can keep warm, yup yup yup."

Professor: "I always thought that dinosaurs were cold-blooded, and that they'd freeze to death if it got cold."

Cera: "Why would you think that? Haven't you seen a dinosaur before?"

Professor: "Before I came here, no."

Littlefoot: "What? Aren't there dinosaurs where you came from?"

Professor: "Well, um...uh..."

Before the Professor answers, the camera pans to the two rainbowfaces that just walked away.

Male Rainbowface: "Whats that...thing doing here?"

Female Rainbowface: "I don't know, But something tells me we're going to be staying here for a while."

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley.

The rainbowfaces are walking around the Great Valley, talking amongst themselves.

Male Rainbowface: "I've never seen something like that creature before. He doesn't look like he's related to the dinosaurs, or any other creatures on this world really."

Female Rainbowface: "Could he be from another world, like us?"

Male Rainbowface: "I don't know, maybe. If he is, he's from some world we've never been to before, because we don't have information on ANYTHING in the universe like that thing!"

Female Rainbowface: "well, if he isn't from this world, and he isn't from any other world, where is he from?"

Male Rainbowface: "That is an even more scary thought."

Female Rainbowface: "I think the higher-ups will want to hear about this!"

Male Rainbowface: "Oh, I'm sure they would, but we should stay a little longer, and find out all we can about this strange creature before we leave."

Female Rainbowface: "Good idea."

Both the Rainbowfaces walk off into some woods, and the scene fades to the next.

Scene: Just outside the Professor's cave.

The two rainbowfaces are hiding in some bushes close to the cave. The Professor walks out of the cave, and the rainbowfaces are ready to investigate.

Professor: "Hm, I wonder what I'll do today?"

Male Rainbowface: "This must be his home."

Female Rainbowface: "Shall we take a look?"

Male Rainbowface: "Yes, I think we'll find something interesting inside there."

Both the rainbowfaces come out from behind the bushes, and walk into the Professor's cave.

Male Rainbowface: "It's quite roomy in here, isn't it?"

Female Rainbowface: "Yes, it is."

Male Rainbowface: "There sure is a lot of strange devices in here." He picks up one of the Professor's devices, it is one of his Communicator's. "I wonder what this does." He starts fidgeting with the device.

Female Rainbowface: "Don't mess with that! you don't know what it might do."

Male Rainbowface: Speaking in the Sharptooth Language. <See? Nothing bad has happened!> He drops the device on the ground after he hears his voice.

Female Rainbowface: "What did you just do?"

Male Rainbowface: "I don't really know. I heard my voice change. I sounded like a meat-eating dinosaur."

Female Rainbowface: "It seems like some kind of communication device."

Male Rainbowface: "He must be using this to be able to talk to the dinosaurs. He must be from a very advanced species."

Female Rainbowfaces: "Advanced? Ha! That old hunk of junk is so bulky and primitive."

Male Rainbowface: "Yes. To us, it seems that way, But the dinosaurs would never be able to build something like this! He is a very advanced species as far as this world is concerned."

Female Rainbowface: "Why do you think he's here? Research? Or something else?"

Male Rainbowface: "I don't know. How about we go..."

Just then, The Professor's footsteps are heard in the tunnels of the cave. The two rainbowfaces scurry further into the cave to not be seen.

Professor: Picking up the communication device on the floor. "Now that's weird. I didn't leave that there, did I?"

the Professor opens an ice chest, Takes a frozen piece of meat out of it, puts it in his backpack, and leaves the cave. The rainbowfaces walk back out from deeper in the cave.

Male Rainbowface: "Maybe we should leave before he comes back."

Female Rainbowface: "Good idea."

Scene: "The Great valley, close to a tar pit.

The Gang walk into the scene.

Chomper: "so where is the thing you were wanting to show me?"

Ducky: "It is not far, Chomper, it is not."

Littlefoot: "So what is this thing you wanted to show Chomper?"

Ducky: "Something for chomper to eat."

Cera: "Don't you mean someone?"

Littlefoot: "Cera!"

Cera runs over and tackles Littlefoot.

Ducky: "Here it is!"

The gang walks up to a dead tree leaning over the tar pit. There is a big hole in the side of it with a large bee colony in it. Theres is a few bees flying around it.

Chomper: "Looks good! but how am I going to get to it?"

Littlefoot: Getting up. "I have an idea!" He walks over to the bottom of the tree. "You get on my back, everyone. We can stack up and Chomper can reach the buzzers then!"

Spike starts to walk onto Littlefoot's back.

Littlefoot: "ooh. On second thought. Spike, you can be on the bottom."

Spike gets off Littlefoot's back, and Littlefoot gets on Spike's back. Cera comes over and gets on, then Chomper.

Chomper: "Almost there, just a little further."

Everyone in the stack extends themselves some more.

Chomper: "Got it!" He sticks his mouth in the hole, and starts eating."

Littlefoot: "How is it?"

Chomper: He pops his head out and swallows. "Not bad, Could be a little more spicy, though."

Petrie: "Me no wanna hear the details, Chomper!"

Chomper laughs. The tree starts to make a cracking sound.

Cera: "What was that?

The tree starts to fall, but doesn't fall all the way. Everyone on the tree falls off into the tar pit.

Ducky: "Oh no!"

Petrie: "Littlefoot! Spike! Everyone!"

Chomper: "Help!"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley, near the tar pit the gang is trapped in.

The two rainbowfaces are talking.

Male Rainbowface: "So, what are we going to do?"

Female Rainbowface: "I don't think there is anything we can do right now. We need to go tell the higher ups, and see what they want to do."

Male Rainbowface: "are we ready to go then?"

Female Raiunbowface: "I'm ready when you are!"

Ducky and Petrie come running past the rainbowfaces, the two little kids don't see them.

Ducky: "Help! Someone help us!"

Petrie: "Me friends in trouble. Help us!"

The two kids run off.

Female Rainbowface: "Whats going on?"

Male Rainbowface: "Lets go see!"

The rainbowfaces run off in the direction Ducky and Petrie came from. They look out of some bushes to see some of the Gang in the tar pit.

Littlefoot: "Help!"

Male Rainbowface: "Oh my, It's Littlefoot and his friends. They need our help!"

Female Rainbowface: "But theres nothing we can do. We can't reach them from here!"

Male Rainbowface: "There is something WE can do."

Female Rainbowface: "No, not again! Remember the trouble we got in last time when we interfered?"

Cera: "Someone, help us! Please!"

Male Rainbowface: "But they really need our help, no one else will get here in time!"

The gang's heads sink into the tar, they can't be seen anymore.

Female Rainbowface: Sighs. "I suppose we have to help them now.

The Female Rainbowface raises her hand. The Gang float up out of the tar pit. They're eyes are closed. They float over to dry land, and are laid gently on the ground. The two rainbowfaces run off. The gang starts coughing. Ducky and Petrie run up to them, with Bron behind them.

Bron: "What happened?"

Petrie: "Me no know. They were in tar, now they not!"

Ducky: Walking up to Littlefoot. "What happened, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: coughs. "I don't really know."

Chomper: "We were in the tar pit. I remember going all the way down, tar covering my head, then I woke up here."

Cera: "I wonder who got us out of here?"

Littlefoot: "I don't know. I can't remember anyone getting us out."

Bron: "I'm just glad you are all ok. Lets go to the Watering Hole and get you all washed off."

Chomper: "That's probably a good idea."

Scene: The great Valley, at night, On top of a large hill.

The two rainbowfaces are standing on the hill, looking up at the stars. Littlefoot comes walking up.

Littlefoot: "Hello."

Male Rainbowface: "Oh, hello Littlefoot. Shouldn't you be asleep?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, but I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't stop thinking."

Female Rainbowface: "About what?"

Littlefoot: "A lot of things, actually."

Male Rainbowface: Laughs. "Your a lot like us, you know that?"

Littlefoot: Shocked. "I am?"

Female Rainbowface: "You never stop asking questions. When everyone else is ready to live with how they see things, you say maybe that way isn't so. Our kind has been that way for a long time."

Littlefoot: Almost blushing. "Well, I guess so. I just have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that maybe theres more to everything than We think there is."

Male Rainbowface: "Spoken like a true wise one!"

Female Rainbowface: "So, What do you think of that farwalker?"

Littlefoot: "You mean the Professor? To tell you the truth, I don't really know what to think of him."

Male Rainbowface: "Really?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah. I ask him questions all the time, but he just seems to give me empty answers most of the time. He just doesn't like talking about himself, or where he's come from much."

Male Rainbowface: "Let me fill you in on a little secret, Littlefoot." He Brings his head down close to Littlefoot's head, and whispers in his ears. "We don't really know who he is either!"

Littlefoot: "But...I thought you knew everything!"

Female Rainbowface: Chuckles. "Oh, there is many things even we don't know. If we knew everything, we'd of never come here, now would we?"

Littlefoot: "No, I guess you wouldn't have come."

Male Rainbowface: "I want you to promise me something, Littlefoot."

Littlefoot: "And what is that?"

A bright blue light appears shooting up into the sky, and the two rainbowfaces disappear. The voice of the male rainbowface can still be heard.

Male Rainbowface: "Don't ever lose that drive! Don't ever stop asking questions!"

Littlefoot Just stands there, Looking up into the sky. The Scene fades.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 10, 2011, 02:12:57 PM
I'll just talk now about the last two episodes of this season now, since I'm so close to the end.

Episode 11 will probably be called the Gang of Five. It will simply be about an adventure the 5 main charecters, Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, and Petrie has together, by themselves.

As for the season finale, Here is a little preview of it ;)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Scene: The Great Valley at night. It is still the Cold Times, at the hot crack that the Gang told stories at before. the Gang is huddled around the crack to keep warm. They are listening to the Professor's story.

Ducky: "That is a very scary and sad story, Professor. I do not think I want to listen to it anymore, no no no."

Ruby: "I don't want to listen to it anymore either. Listening to it is making me very uneasy."

Cera: "Someone have a better story?"

Professor: "Well, there is one thing I always wanted to know.

Littlefoot: "What is that, Professor?"

Professor: "How is Chomper allowed here?"

Cera: "Well, he's a nice sharptooth."

Professor: "But how did he get allowed here in the first place? I didn't think the grownups here would have let him in."

Littlefoot: "Well, thats a very long story actually."

Shorty: "I've never heard that story."

Chomper: "It is really is a good story, though! Ruby, would you like to tell it?"

Ruby: "Sure Chomper. I'm good at telling stories, and It'll be fun to tell this one."

Ruby clears her throat and begins.

Ruby: "Grab a rock and gather around everyone. I'm going to tell you all the Tale... No...The Legend of the Friendly Sharptooth!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


After that finale, I'm going to be taking a break from writing this fan fiction. I've got a couple of ideas for next season, but not many. I'll need to do a lot of brainstorming to come up with a bunch of good ideas for episodes, and some rest will do me some good anyway.

Episode 11 will take me awhile to write, and I won't post 12 till I'm done with 11.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 10, 2011, 02:38:56 PM
I have a thought and idea for you vonboy, why don't you allow the professor tell his real name and he'd explain where he's really from when Little never asks questions to him. you know like on chapter 10 the rainbowfaces tell littlefoot never to stop ask questions. what do you say to this idea, Honestly?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 10, 2011, 02:48:22 PM
I was planning on having the Professor keep on being secretive. I'm building up the suspense, so that someday, in some future episode, a lot of things will be revealed about the Professor. I figure it would be good if, for example, the Great Valley discovers one day that the Professor is a meat-eater, when he lied about it the whole time. That could build some great tension and conflict.

Thats one reason I'm making the Professor so secretive.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 10, 2011, 02:58:40 PM
:DD That's great. I just hope the Professor is not too secretive  ;)  :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 13, 2011, 02:15:16 PM
Episode 11: The Gang of Five

Scene: The Great Valley, a little after sunrise.

The Gang are sitting in a small circle.

Littlefoot: "So, what are we going to do today?"

Cera: Sighs "Oh, I don't know."

Petrie: "We gather up friends to play with us?"

Littlefoot: "Well, not Shorty. He's going off to do something with Bron today."

Cera: "How about Chomper?"

Ducky: "No no no. He is helping Ruby clean out their cave, he is."

Littlefoot: "That takes out Ruby too then. What about the Professor?"

Cera: "The Professor is in his cave. He says he's on something called a StarTrek Binge."

Littlefoot: "What's a StarTrek Binge?"

Cera: "I was going to ask him the same thing, but I didn't."

Littlefoot: "Why?"

Cera: "I figured he wouldn't give me much of an answer."

Littlefoot: "Well, you should still ask him. you should always ask questions."

Ducky: "What about Ali?"

Littlefoot: Lowers his head. "I think she's gone."

Petrie: "Really?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, I saw the Longneck Herd leaving this morning." He sighs. "She didn't even say goodby."

Ducky: "That was a mean thing for her to do, it was!"

Cera: "Well, I guess you know what this means..."

Petrie: "What?"

Cera: "Looks like we get to have an adventure, just the five of us."

Littlefoot: "Oh yeah, We haven't done that in a long time!"

Petrie: "Adventuring?"

Cera: "Yes, Adventuring!"

Littlefoot: "It's too cold to go out adventuring. I just feel like going back to my nest and falling asleep."

Cera: "What if we go explore some caves? They might be warmer!"

Littlefoot: "You know what, your right! Lets go explore some caves everyone!"

Ducky: "I have heard of a deep, dark, scary cave right here in the Great Valley!"

Petrie: "Ooohuhu!" He runs over behind Littlefoot: "Me no like the sound of that!"

Cera: "Well I do!"

Ducky: "It will be alright Petrie. I think it will fun!"

Littlefoot: "Then it's settled. Ducky, lead the way!"

Ducky: "Ok!" She starts walking off. "This way, everyone!"

The Gang follows Ducky.

Scene: The entrance to the cave.

Ducky: "Well, here we are!"

Petrie: "Looks dark!"

Cera: "It's not that bad!"

Littlefoot starts walking in.

Cera: "At least someone isn't a scardy egg!"

Petrie tries to fly away, but Cera catches his feet in her mouth.

Cera: Muffled. "Come on, Petrie!"

Everyone follows Littlefoot into the cave.

Scene: A little deep in the cave.

Ducky: "It is getting very dark now."

Cera: "Just the way I like it!"

The Gang come to a fork in the tunnel.

Littlefoot: "Which way do we go now?"

Spike smells the air, and goes to the right.

Littlefoot: "Smell something Spike?"

Spike just keeps walking.

Ducky: "I think he does, yup yup yup!"

The gang follows Spike.

Littlefoot: "I can barely see a thing now."

Cera: "It's not so bad. Are you scared we'll run into something or fall or somet..."

Cera falls over. She slides down some, and comes to a ledge.

Littlefoot: "Cera!"

-----------------------------<Commercial break>--------------------------------
Cera: holding on to the ledge with her arms. "Help!"

Ducky: "Where are you? I can not see you, no."

Littlefoot: "I';ll have to work my way down there to her."

Littlefoot starts to step slowly and carefully down the deep incline Cera had slid down. He is feeling the ground with his feet before laying them down to try to keep from falling over like Cera did.

Littlefoot: "I'm coming Cera! Hold on!"

Cera: "I'm trying!"

Littlefoot: makes it to a dead end. He can't go any further, and he can't see where Cera is. "Cera, where are you? I can't see!"

Cera: "Over here, follow my voice!"

Littlefoot: "I can't, there is a ledge in the way."

Up where Ducky and Petrie are, a strange blue light starts to appear.

Petrie: "What is that, Ducky?"

Ducky: "I do not know."

Spike walks up to the tiny dinosaurs, holding a strange mushroom in his mouth. The mushroom let off a dim blue glow.

Ducky: "Good job Spike, You brought light!"

Littlefoot: "Spike, come down here, I need that light!"

Cera: "And be quick about it!"

Spike works his way down the incline. The way for Littlefoot is slowly revealed. He heads off to the right in a circle towards Cera. Littlefoot come up to Cera, and turns around.

Cera: "Come on Cera. Bite my tail, and I'll pull you up!"

Cera bites Littlefoot's tail. Littlefoot strains, but can't get Cera up. Spike sets the mushroom on the ground, and motions Littlefoot to bite his tail. He complies, and the two dinosaurs manage to pull Cera up onto the ledge.

Cera: "Thanks everyone."

Littlefoot: "Let's get back up and explore some more."

Cera: "I was about to say that!"

The three work their up the ledge. Ducky grabs the mushroom.

Ducky: "I will keep an eye on the glowing mushroom. I have hands to hold it with."

Littlefoot: "Good idea." He heads off deeper into the cave. "Come on!"

Scene: "A long tunnel deep in the cave.

The Gang are walking along the tunnel. A red glow is emanating form ahead.

Ducky: "What is this light?"

Littlefoot:" I have a hunch. It's getting warmer down here."

Cera: "So?"

Littlefoot: "So, We might be getting close to some flowing fire."

Cera: "ReallY? Down here?"

Littlefoot: "What else could it be?"

Cera: "I'll believe it when I see it."

The Gang walk up to a big, expansive room. They peek over a ledge to see a river of magma flowing in a trench far down below.

Ducky: "See? Littlefoot was right."

Cera: "Lucky guess."

Petrie: "me go fly. Look around."

Littlefoot: "Ok."

Petrie circles around the big cavernous room a couple of times, and then lands on Littlefoot's head.

Littlefoot: Squints his eyes, looking a little annoyed. "Anything?"

Petrie: "Another cave close by. We walk on ledge and get there that way!"

Littlefoot: Looking over at the ledge. "Uh, that doesn't look very safe."

Cera: "come on, what could possibly go wrong?"

Littlefoot: "I'm thinking Threehorn soup. That's what could go wrong."

Cera: "I thought you were braver than that, Scardyfoot."

Littlefoot: Getting annoyed. "Don't say that!" He walks up to Cera, and presses his head up to her faceplate.

Spike rolls his eyes and moans, then turns around.

Cera: "And what are you going to do about it?" She charges forward, and Littlefoot gets turned over backwards onto the ground.

Littlefoot gets back up and prepared to charge. Ducky runs up between them.

Ducky: "Stop arguing and fighting. That is not going to help us, no."

Littlefoot: "Your right, Ducky."

Cera: "Well, I'll go this way. You can go some other way if you want."

Littlefoot: "Cera! Come back here!"

Cera Just keeps on walking along the ledge, looking dignified.

Littlefoot: "Cera!"

Petrie: "So, what we do?"

Littlefoot: "Let's follow here."

Ducky: "But it is dangerous. You said so yourself, Littlefoot."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, I know, but we still need to make sure she's safe."

Littlefoot starts walking along the ledge.

Ducky: "Littlefoot, you know Cera just did that, because she knew you would follow her."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, I know that too. That's how she always tries to get her way."

Ducky: laughs "Yeah, it is, it is."

Cera: Getting to the entrance to the new cave. "See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

Ducky is walking along the very edge of the ledge, she steps in one stop that crack. Spike grabs Ducky in his mouth, and both of the watch as the little piece of ledge falls off into the magma below.

Ducky: "Maybe I will stay over here, yes."

The rest of the Gang crosses the ledge, and continue on into the cave.

Scene: A huge room that is very cold. icicles of various sizes cover the ceiling in the hundreds.

Cera: "Here we are, everyone."

Littlefoot: "I always thought I was the leader."

Ducky: "Here we go again."

Littlefoot: "Never mind about that. Now, where are we?"

Petrie: "Me no know, but me cold!"

Ducky: I like it. This cave looks very pretty."

The Gang walks along the cave, and come to another cave opening blocked by a decent sized boulder.

Littlefoot: "So, what do we do now?"

Petrie: "Me think we explore enough. Let's go home."

Littlefoot: "Maybe your right. This has been a great long adventure, we should head back."

Cera: "I don't want to give up so easily." She backs up. "This rock doesn't look so big. Just stand back, and let a Threehorn handle this!" She charges at the rock. She smashes into it, but it doesn't budge. "Heh, a tough one. You won't win though, you dumb rock." She backs up more and charges at the rock at full speed. She rams the rock, and it racks into several smaller pieces. "Ha, I told you all so..."

The whole cave starts to shake.

Littlefoot: "What was that."

The Gang look up to see icicles starting to fall off the ceiling. The whole Gang screams.

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Cera: "Lets get out of here!"

An icicle lands right in front of Cera, She turns around and run. Petrie takes to the air, dodging icicles that are whizzing past him. Ducky drops the glowing mushroom in the confusion. Littlefoot runs, three large icicles block his way, so he runs in a different direction.

Littlefoot: "That was close." Littlefoot runs some more, until he see's another cave. "Everyone, this way!"

The Gang follows Littlefoot into the new cave.

Cera: "That was really close."

Ducky: "Scewerd Ducky doesn't sound very good, no no no."

Petrie: "Cera, watch what you smash next time!"

Cera: "Don't remind me!"

Littlefoot: "Lets just be glad we're safe. Now lets go on."

The Gang walks off into the dark tunnel.

Scene: Pitch blackness.

Cera: "I can't see a thing."

Ducky: "I shouldn't have dropped that mushroom, no no no."

Littlefoot: "It's ok Ducky. It wasn't your fault."

Cera: "Well, what do we do now? Go back."

Littlefoot: "I don't even know where back is anymore."

Petrie: "We lost!?"

Littlefoot: sighs. "Yeah, I guess we are lost. I don't even know how far down we are now.

Spike sniffs and makes a happy sound.

ducky: What is it Spike, Hungry?"

Cera: "Of course he's hungry, he hasn't eaten since we walked in here!"

Petrie: "He must smell food though."

Littlefoot: "Maybe this is a good thing. If he can find greenfood, he'll find a way out of the cave!"

Spike starts walking off, following his sniffer.

Littlefoot: "Here, let's hold on to each other so we don't get separated."

Littlefoot bites onto Spike's tail, and Cera onto Littlefoots. Ducky rides on Spikes back, and Petrie on Littlefoot's head.

Scene: The surface of the Great Valley.

Spike breaks out of a small hole in the ground. He walks over and starts munching on a small shrub that survived the snow. Littlefoot's head pops out.

Littlefoot: "Finally, We made it out alive!"

The camera pans out to show Bron right next to the hole, eating the few treestars still on one tree.

Bron: Lowering his head. "Now what was that, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: He is out of the hole. He freezes where he stands. "Oh, hey Dad. I didn't know you were there."

Cera works her way out of the hole.

Bron: "Where did you all just come from?"

Littlefoot "We were just exploring a cave."

Bron: "You must have been in there awhile. I was starting to wonder where you all were."

Littlefoot: "I'm hungry. Is there anything to eat?"

Bron: "There is not much greenfood, but I'm sure we'll find something for you."

Cera: Walking off. "That was fun! They wouldn't have made it out without me!"

Spike hears what Cera just said, and shakes his head.

Ducky: "Cera always takes the credit, but do not worry Spike. I know who got us out of that cave, I do."

Petrie: "Me done for the day." He launches into the air off of Littlefoot's head, and fly's off towards his nest.

Littlefoot: Following Bron. "Bye everyone, it was fun!"

Scene: "A hill in the Great valley, at night.

Littlefoot Is sitting on the hill, looking at the sky. Ali walks up to him.

Ali: "Hello."

Littlefoot: "Oh, hello, Ali..." He does a double take. "...Ali!? I thought you were gone!"

Ali: "No, I'm still here."

Littlefoot: "It's just, I saw your herd leaving this morning, and I thought you were with them."

Ali: "No, I've decided to stay here, in the Great valley."

Littlefoot: "Really? That's great!"

Ali: "Yeah, I talked it over with Old One, and we both agreed that I would be safer here, instead of the Mysterious Beyond."

Littlefoot: "Do you know how long you'll stay?"

Ali: "For a long while. I think when I"m older, I'll rejoin my herd. Until then, I'll enjoy living here."

Littlefoot: "I'm so happy for you Ali. When you didn't say anything to me earlier, I thought you were laving without saying goodbye."

Ali: "I would never be that mean!"

Littlefoot: "Well, What do you want to do tomorrow?"

Ali: "I don't know, maybe the pointy seed game, or story telling."

Littlefoot: "Or hide and seek, or..."

Camera pans out as the characters say the last couple of lines, and the scene fades.

END



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Well, it's almost over. I'll post the season finale, Episode 12 - The Legend of the Friendly Sharptooth, this Friday night. After that, a break from writing this fan fiction.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 13, 2011, 04:34:44 PM
:wow So Far so Good Vonboy. It's pretty good but the Professor wasn't in this chapter but I'm hoping that he will appear in the final.  :goodluck  ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 13, 2011, 06:00:55 PM
The Professor will be in the finale, don't worry.

And I'll say he'll actually be open about something for once :wow
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 13, 2011, 06:18:20 PM
Dose that mean he'll tell Littlefoot his real name? to be honest?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 13, 2011, 06:24:15 PM
Not that. It will be something else.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 14, 2011, 12:05:52 PM
Okay  :rolleyes  but I am so eager to know what is the Professor's real name. Now I am not saying this in a mean way I am just letting ya know.  ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 14, 2011, 09:12:05 PM
Episode 12: The Legend of the Friendly Sharptooth Part 1

Scene: An ocean.

A Greek period ship with about a dozen humans on it is sailing into a huge cave on the side of an island.

Mate #1: "Where are we going?"

Caption: "We have to get through this island to get back to our home!"

Mate #2: "But have you heard the legends of the sea monster?"

Mate #3: "He can eat men whole! And you don't see him coming till it's too late.

Caption: "That is a risk I'm willing to take."

The ship is inside the cavern.

Mate #2: "It's quiet. Too quiet."

Mate #1: "I'm scared."

Something comes out of the darkness and snatches mate #1.

Mate #2: "What was that?"

Mate #3: "The monster got someone!"

The something comes out again and snatches mate #3.

Caption: "Don't worry, we're almost through."

The ship exits the other side of the island.

Mate #2: Wipes his head. "Whew."

Caption: "That wasn't so bad, now was it? Besides, we're almost home!"

The Sky turns dark, and the seas turn choppy.

Mate #2: It's a storm! What should we do, Odysseus?"

Odysseus: "We'll get through this!"

Another sea monster comes out of the water.

Mate #2: gasps. "Could it be?"

The monster strikes at the ship, and it shatters. The monster than grabs Mate #2, and a couple other mates and proceeds to eat them.

Mate #2: "Odysseus, Help us!"

Odysseus swims off.

Scene: The Great Valley at night. It is still the Cold Times, At the hot crack that the Gang told stories at before. the Gang is huddled around the crack to keep warm. They are listening to the Professor's very poor re-telling of the Greek epic, The Odyssey.

Ducky: "So, everyone died?"

Professor: "No, the leader survived. Everyone else dies."

Ducky: "That is a very scary and sad story, Professor. I do not think I want to listen to it anymore, no no no."

Ruby: "I don't want to listen to it anymore either. Listening to it is making me very uneasy."

Littlefoot: "And that story doesn't make any sense anyway. If I was the leader, I wouldn't have let those awful things happen to everyone else."

Cera: "That leader sounds a lot like Pterano. Why did people call him a hero again?"

Petrie: "Hey, don't talk about me Uncle Pterano like that! He good, he really is!"

Littlefoot: "I'm sure Cera didn't mean it, Petrie."

Cera: Trying to change the subject. "So, someone have a better story?"

Professor: "Well, there is one thing I always wanted to know.

Littlefoot: "What is that, Professor?"

Professor: "How is Chomper allowed here?"

Cera: "Well, he's a nice sharptooth."

Professor: "But how did he get allowed here in the first place? I didn't think the grownups here would have let him in."

Littlefoot: "Well, that is a very long story actually."

Ali: "I've never heard that story!"

Shorty: "Nor have I. I'd like to hear it too!"

Chomper: "It really is a good story! Ruby, would you like to tell it?"

Ruby: "Sure Chomper. I'm good at telling stories, and It'll be fun to tell this one."

Ruby clears her throat and begins.

Ruby: "Grab a rock and gather around everyone. I'm going to tell the Tale... No...The Legend of the Friendly Sharptooth!

Chomper: Chuckles. "Oh, Ruby. You don't have to tell it like that."

Ruby: "I want to, Chomper. It's fun to talk big, so I'm going to talk big now."

Littlefoot: "Go on Ruby. It'll make it fun for us to listen to too!"

Ruby: "ok. It was about 3 Cold Times ago. It was a nice warm day in the Great Valley. Littlefoot and his friends were out playing..."

The scene fades into a flashback as Ruby is talking. From this point. You can't hear her voice anymore.

Scene: The Great Valley, 3 years ago.

The Gang were playing a bowling like game with a bunch of hard pointy treesweets.

Littlefoot; "Ok, Ducky. It's your turn."

Ducky: Tries to push the spiny treesweet, but can't. "It is too big for me to push, it is."

Spike comes up behind Ducky, pushes on her to get her on top of his head, and pushes the treesweet for her. The treesweet rolls over and knocks 3 out of 6 of the other treesweets over.

Petrie: "Good shot, Ducky."

Ducky: "Thank you, but I had a little help!"

Littlefoot: walking over to set the treesweets up again. "Maybe you two could just play together, you make a good team!"

Cera: "Well, it's my turn now!"

Cera pushes a treesweet, but it misses.

Cera: "What? I can't miss, I'm a Threehorn!

Ducky: "It is ok, Cera."

Cera runs over to the treesweets and knocks them all down herself.

Littlefoot: "Cera, that's cheating! Put those back up for Petrie!"

Suddenly, Ruby comes walking out up to the Gang holding one of the treesweets Cera knocked down. Everyone takes a step back.

Ruby: "Hello my friends, My friends hello!"

-----------------------------<Commercial break>--------------------------------

Littlefoot: "Friends?"

Ruby: "That's what I just said Littlefoot! That is your name, isn't it?"

Littlefoot: "Yes that's my name. Uh, what is your name?"

Ruby: "I'm Ruby..." Pointing to the other characters as she says their names. "...And your Cera, your Ducky and spike, and your Petrie, right?"

Cera: "yeah, that is our names, but..."

Littlefoot: "...But how do you know our names? We've never seen you before."

Ruby: "It's true. I have never seen any of you before, but I have someone here with me who HAS seen you all before!" Ruby turns around and motions. "Ok, you can come out now!"

Chomper: Walks out from the behind the bush and waves. "Um, hi guys!"

The Whole Gang's faces light up and they all say "Chomper!" They run over to him.

Littlefoot: "We haven't seen you in a long time Chomper. I didn't think we'd ever see you again!"

Chomper: "It feels so good to see my friends again!"

Ducky: "It is so nice to see you again, Chomper, it is, it is!"

Petrie: "There one sharptooth me want to see!"

Chomper: "Thanks everyone. It's so nice to see you all again too!"

Cera: "So, What did you come here for?"

Chomper: "To be safe!"

Ruby: "Chomper's parents wanted me to take Chomper to the Great Valley so he'd be safe from Redcalw."

Ducky: "Who is Redclaw?"

Chomper: "He's a new Sharptooth that has moved into the Mysterious Beyond. He's the biggest, meanest Sharptooth I have ever seen!

Ruby: "Chomper's parents thought they couldn't keep Chomper safe anymore, so they decided to send him here."

Chomper: "So, can I stay here?"

Littlefoot: "Oh, sure Chom..."

Cera: Interupting. "No he can't!"

Ruby: "Why not?"

Cera: "He's a sharptooth. Sharpteeth have never been welcome in the Great Valley!"

Littlefoot: "But Chomper is different!"

Cera: "Tell that to the grownups!"

Chomper: "Grownups?" He takes a step back, looking very worried.

Cera: "Yeah, our grownups live here too!"

Chomper: "I don't want to see them!"

Littlefoot: "Why not, Chomper? They're nice."

Chomper: "No their not!" He takes a deep breath and continues. "My parents said Grownup Flatteeth are mean. They told me to stay away from them. They'd kill a sharptooth if they ever had the chance, even a little one like me!"

Littlefoot: "They wouldn't kill you Chomper."

Cera: "Maybe they would, How do you know they wouldn't Littlefoot? Did you ever ask them that?"

Littlefoot: "Well, no. But I'm sure they wouldn't!"

Cera: "I'm not so sure of that."

Littlefoot: Turning to Chomper. "Chomper, you stay here with Ruby, I'll go ask my Grandpa about this."

Ducky: "We will stay with Chomper too, Littlefoot."

Littlefoot: "Ok, then bye everyone!" He runs off.

Scene: The Watering Hole.

Grandpa Longneck is at a nearby tree, eating treestars.

Littlefoot: "Hey Grandpa."

Grandpa Longneck: "Oh, hello Littlefoot. Are you hungry?"

Littlefoot: "No, I just wanted to talk about something."

Grandpa Longneck: "What is it Littlefoot? you can talk to me about anything."

Littlefoot: "What do you do when Sharpteeth are in the Great Valley?"

Grandpa Longneck: "We drive them out, Littlefoot. I thought you knew that."

Littlefoot: "What if it was a nice and friendly Sharptooth?"

Grandpa Longneck: "There aren't any friendly sharpteeth. At least not anymore."

Littlefoot: "What do you mean?"

Grandpa Longneck: Laughs. "Oh nothing. Just a story passed down to us Longnecks. If you want, I'll tell it to you someday, Littlefoot."

Littlefoot: "Maybe." He thinks for a minute. "Well, What if it was a little sharptooth? A little baby one?"

Grandpa Longneck: "I don't know, We've never had a little one here before. Mr. Threehorn would probably try to kill it."

Littlefoot: "Kill a little hatchling!?"

Grandpa Longneck: Sighs. "You know Mr. Threehorn. I would probably just try to take it out of here."

Littlefoot: "You would?"

Grandpa Longneck: "Of course, Littlefoot. I wouldn't have the heart to kill a hatchling, even a sharptooth one. I would just make sure it wasn't in the Great Valley, so you would be safe."

Littlefoot: "Um, that's good to know, Grandpa!"

Grandpa Longneck: "Is there anything else you would like to talk about?"

Littlefoot: "No, that's all I wanted to know. Bye, I'll see you later!" He starts running off.

Grandpa Longneck: "Ok. Be safe, Littlefoot." He returns to eating.

Scene: The Great Valley.

The Gang, Ruby and Chomper are where they were when Littlefoot left.

Ruby: "So we were about to make it into the Great Valley, when Redclaw spotted us!"

Ducky: "Oh no!"

Cera: "What happened?"

Ruby: "Redclaw gave chase. We ran for awhile. We thought we were almost away, when we came to a dead end!"

Petrie: "ooh, that sound scary?"

Ruby: "Oh, it was scary, petrie.

Cera: "So, what did you do?"

Ruby: "Well, Redclaw walked up to us."

Chomper: "He looked really hungry!"

Ruby: "We thought we were done for, when just then..."

The ground shakes. Mr. Threehorn comes walking up.

Mr. Threehorn: "Cera! It's time to eat." He sees Chomper. "A Sharptooth? In the Great Valley? Run kids, I'll take care of him!"

Chomper: starts walking back. "AAH!"

Cera: "Dad! No!"

Mr.Threehorn: "I said run Cera!"

Chomper starts running, and Mr. Threehorn starts charging for him.

----------------------------------<Commercial Break>---------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley.

Littlefoot is heading back to where he left Chomper and the Gang. The ground starts shaking.

Littlefoot: "What was that?"

He hears Chomper's yells.

Littlefoot: "Chomper!" He runs off towards Chomper."

Scene: The Gang, Mr. Threehorn, and Chomper. Mr. Threehorn is chasing Chomper, and The Gang is following him. Mr. Threehorn lets out a loud Flattooth yell, which alerts other grownups of the sharptooth.

Ducky: "Topsy is going to get Chomper, no no no!"

Cera: "Come on. If I know my dad, Chomper will need a lot of help!"

Chomper runs under a log suspended by two other logs. Mr. Threehorn can't get past it. Ducky's Mom, Petrie's Mom, and other Grownups run up to Mr. Threehorn.

Ducky's Mom: "Whats going on?"

Mr. Threehorn: "A Sharptooth is in the Great Valley!"

Petrie's Mom: "Where?"

Mr.Threehorn: "It just ran under this log here."

Petrie's Mom: "I'll keep an eye on it!" She takes off into the air.

Mr. Threehorn: "Ok, We'll find a way around.

Chomper: Still running. "Whew. That was close!"

Chomper hears a loud flyer call. He looks up, and sees Petries' Mom flying overhead. She swoops down at him, but he dodges. Chomper runs some more, and is confronted by another nameless grownup.

Chomper: "NO!" He darts off to the side.

Chomper keeps running, until he makes it to a cliff face. He turns around, and see's Mr. Threehorn walking up to him.

Mr. Threehorn: "Let's kill it!"

Chomper: "Ahh!" He closes his eyes and covers his face.

Petrie's Mom: "Do we really have to kill it? It's so young and little."

Mr. Threehorn: "It's the only way!" He takes a step towards Chomper.

The Gang, minus Littlefoot, come running in on the scene.

Cera: Runs over in front of Chomper to protect him. "I won't let you kill him, Dad!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Cera..."

Cera: "I'm not moving!

The rest of the Gang come over to protect Chomper.

Ducky: "He is a friendly sharptooth!"

Ruby: "Yeah, He'd never hurt anyone!"

Ducky's Mom: "A friendly Sharptooth? I've never heard of such a thing."

Mr. Threehorn: "Humph! Thats because there isn't such a thing!"

Grandpa Longneck: comes running up. "What is going on, everyone?"

Mr. Threehorn: "This sharptooth here is about to eat the kids!"

Petrie: "No he not!"

Ducky: "We keep trying to tell you. He is a nice sharptooth!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Move away kids. We have to do this!"

Cera: "NO!"

Mr. Threehorn walks up and starts trying to push the kids out of the way.

Littlefoot: Comes running up. "Everyone! Wait!" He rams his head into Mr. Threehorn's face.

Mr. Threehorn: "What are you trying to do?"

Littlefoot: Getting up off the ground. "He's nice. He really is. You have to believe me!"

Grandpa Longneck: "Littlefoot..."

Littlefoot: "No, Grandpa! Let me do this!" He turns to where Chomper should be. "Chomper, come out and show everyone how nice you are!"

Chomper doesn't come out.

Ruby: "What's going on?"

The Gang turn around, and see Chomper is gone.

Cera: "Littlefoot, Chomper is gone!"

Littlefoot: "What? Where did he go?"

Mr. Threehorn: "I don't know, but we need to be on the lookout for it! If it weren't for you kids, I could have had him!"

Grandpa Longneck: "Now Topsy, the important thing right now is the kids safety." He turns to the kids. "Go back to your nests, it isn't safe here!"

Mr. Threehorn and the rest of the grownups walk off.

The sky turns dark, and a bolt of lighting shoots across the sky. Rain starts to fall.

The gang walks up to Littlefoot.

Cera: "Sky water? At a time like this?"

Petrie: "Well, what we do?"

Littlefoot: "I'm really worried for Chomper. It isn't safe out here in sky water and fire this bad! Plus everyone is looking for him, and I don't know what they'll do to him when they find him. I'm going to go look for him!" He runs off.

Ducky: "Good luck Littlefoot!"

Scene fades to present.

Ruby: "So, the brave longneck set off in search of his little sharptoothed friend."

Professor: "And what happened next?"

Ruby: "You know what, It's getting really late.

Littlefoot: "I told you this story was a long one."

Cera: "We should be going to sleep now."

Professor: "But...but what about the Story? I want to hear what happens!"

Ruby: laughing. "Well, We can have another story telling night tomorrow night. I'll finish the story then."

Professor: "Well...Ok." He falls on the moss he was sitting on, and goes to sleep.

Ali: "It's really exciting so far!"

Shorty; "Yeah, I never realized how bad Chomper is treated sometimes because he's a sharptooh."

Littlefoot: "It's been hard sometimes, but we've come through it. We're best friends after all!"

Chomper: "Yeah!"

The Professor starts to snore.

Chomper: "Wow, the Professor sure is making some sleep rumbles!"

Ruby: "Maybe we can say something to help us go to sleep?"

Chomper: "I know! My parents would count dinosaurs with me to help me go to sleep."

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Chomper: "Yeah!" He starts counting. "1 dinosaur, 2 dinosaurs, 3 dinosaurs..." He's starting to look sleepy. "...4 dinosaurs, 5 dinosaurs..." he licks his lips. "...6 dinosaurs..." He bites at the air. "...7 dinosaurs..." He lays his head down and goes to sleep.

Everyone else takes a step back in unison. Scene fades out.

TO BE CONTINUED
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 14, 2011, 09:22:42 PM
Vonboy, It's getting good you added Odysseus getting more excited  ;) . Anyway while you work on the complete Finale, will Odysseus appear in the great valley too? to be honest?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 14, 2011, 09:37:53 PM
No, he was just part of the story the Professor told to the kids...very badly told I might add :lol

Really these two episodes focus very strongly on Chomper and the Professor.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on April 14, 2011, 09:59:59 PM
Okay, I was just confused on it; I may have mis read it. So anyway I am gonna work on chapter 4 and I'll PM it to you and you'll see if it needs to be fixed and needs a little detail. will ya do that?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 16, 2011, 06:59:24 PM
I got it done a day early, so enjoy  :lol:. This is the season finale!

Episode 13 - The Legend of the Friendly Sharptooth Part 2

Scene: The Great Valley.

The sky over the Great Valley is dark. The moon fly's across the sky, Then it is day again. The sun fly's over, and sets. The camera zooms into the Great Valley, to the hot crack the Gang was around before. The Gang is gathering up around the rock to finish the story. Chomper is sitting on the ground already, looking a little worried. Ruby walks up to him

Ruby: "Whats wrong Chomper?"

Chomper: "I had a scary sleep story last night."

Littlefoot: "What was it, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Mr. Threehorn was chasing me!"

Cera: "You're replaying the story in your head?"

Chomper: "Yeah. It was really scary!"

Ruby: Hugs Chomper. "You don't have to be scared Chomper. The end of the story isn't scary, is it?"

Chomper: "No, I guess not."

Mr. Threehorn: Comes walking up to the group. "What are you kids doing?"

Cera: "We're having a story telling night."

Mr. Threehorn: "Another one? You just had one last night!"

Littlefoot: "Ruby has been telling a long story."

Mr. Threehorn: "Oh? Which one?"

Ruby: "The one about when I first came to this Valley!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Ah yes, the craziest story I ever heard of, or witnessed for that matter!"

Professor: "Well, would you like a listen?"

Mr. Threehorn: "I suppose so. I've got nothing else better to do tonight."

Professor: "I'm ready to hear the story now!"

Shorty: "Yeah!"

Ali: "Let's finish it!"

Ruby: "Ok, Ok! Now to where I left off." She clears her throat. "So, the brave young Longneck set out to find his little sharptoothed friend."

Scene fades to a flashback as before as Ruby starts up the story again.

Scene: Just outside of the Great Valley. The sun has not set just yet, but it is already fairly dark because of the storm.

Littlefoot: He is running through the woods, looking for Chomper. "Chomper! Chomper, where are you? Come back!"

Chomper is slowing walking further ahead of Littlefoot. He has his head down.

Littlefoot: Running up to Chomper. "Chomper, where are you going?"

Chomper: "I'm leaving. Going back to my parents."

Littlefoot: "You can't leave! It's dangerous out there!"

Chomper: "I have to leave. I don't belong in the Great Valley."

Littlefoot: "Don't say that, your different!"

Chomper: "It doesn't matter. I'm still a sharptooth."

Littlefoot: "We can make this work!

Chomper: "No we can't. I can't change what I am."

Littlefoot: "Remember the last time we met? When you said you were what you were and I was what I was? You said we could still be friends!"

Chomper: "Well, I guess I was wrong. Sorry Littlefoot."

Littlefoot: "Chomper, Please!"

Chomper gently pushes Littlefoot's head out of the way with his claw, and starts walking away again. He exits the screen. Littlefoot runs offscreen towards Chomper. He comes back with Chomper's tail in his mouth. He is slowly dragging Chomper back to the Great Valley. Chomper is sitting on the ground, being dragged. He has his arms crossed, looking annoyed, but he doesn't do anything to Littlefoot.

Scene: The edge of the Great Valley.

The rest of the Gang and Ruby are still where Chomper was almost killed.

Ducky: "Where is Littlefoot?"

Ruby: "I'm worried. I don't like it when Chomper makes me worry like this."

Cera: "Well, I'm getting tired of waiting. We need to do SOMETHING!"

The Gang hear rustling in some nearby bushes.

Petrie: "What that?"

Ducky: "I do not know, and I don't know if I want to know, no."

Littlefoot slowly crawls out of the bushes, still dragging Chomper by his tail.

Ruby: "Chomper! Your ok!"

Chomper: "Just barely. That Threehorn looked really mean."

Cera: Boasting. "Yeah, I know!"

Ruby: "Why did you run away without me?

Chomper: "I was really scared, and I just had to get out of the valley." He starts to walk off. "Can we go now?"

Ruby: "We're not going, Chomper!"

Chomper: "What?"

Ruby: "It's very dangerous in the Mysterious Beyond."

Littlefoot: "Ruby is right. We need to show the Grownups your a friendly sharptooth, so you can stay here."

Chomper: "Oh no! I don't want to see them again!"

Littlefoot: "Look, we can make this work. We have to explain it to them or something."

Cera: "We've tried that already! You saw what happened, didn't you?"

Littlefoot: "Well, Let's work our way to the grownups, I'm sure we'll think of something."

Chomper: "I'm not going!"

Ruby: "I say your going, and that's final!"

Chomper: Lowers his head. "...Ok, but I hope you know what your doing."

Lighting shoots out of the sky.

Littlefoot: "This storm is getting worse. Maybe we should wait till morning."

Screams and calls for help can be heard in the distance.

Ruby: "What was that?"

Littlefoot: "Sounds like our grownups."

Ducky: "Someone must be in trouble!"

Littlefoot: "Let's go!"

The Gang runs off towards the screams. Ruby holds Chomper on her back, and follows.

----------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------

Scene: Other side of the Great Valley.

A Bolt of lighting has struck a tree, which has caught on fire and fallen over onto Petrie's cliff nest. Petrie's siblings are in a small cave inside the cliff where their nest is, trapped. Petrie's Mom is on the ground, injured.

Ducky's Mom: "We have to do something!"

Mr. Threehorn: "You can't reach up there!" Turns to Grandpa Longneck. "Grandpa, you can!"

Grandpa Longneck: "But I'm too big! I'd never fit my head in there!"

Petrie's mom: "Someone has to do something! Please!"

The Gang comes up into some bushes. They peek their heads out to see what is going on.

Ducky: "Oh no, it is your family, Petrie! They are in trouble!"

Petrie: "Oh no.! Oh no! Oh nohoho!

Chomper: "Petrie's family is in trouble? We need to help them!" He tries running out, but Littlefoot bites his tail and drags him back into the bushes.

Littlefoot: "No, Chomper! You can't be seen right now!"

Chomper: "But I'm the only one that can help! No one else will fit in there!"

Cera: "But our grownups will try to hurt you!"

Chomper runs out to try and rescue Petrie's Siblings.

Littlefoot: "Chomper, No!"

Mr. Threehorn: Sees Chomper. "It's that sharptooth again!"

Ducky's Mom: "How can things get any worse!?"

Mr. Threehorn tries to stomp on Chomper, but he dodges. Chomper darts off to the base of the burning tree.

Ducky's Mom: "Where is it going?"

Petrie's Mom: "My babies! It's going after my babies!"

Mr. Threehorn starts to chase Chomper again. The Gang comes running up.

Littlefoot: "Stop!"

Ducky: "He is just trying to help!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Get out of my way, kids!"

Chomper gets to the base of the tree, and starts climbing it.

Mr. Threehorn: Roars angrilly. "Now it's too late, And it's all your fault!"

Cera: "Dad, listen to me, please! I've known that sharptooth for a long time, and he really is nice!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Why would a sharptooth ever be nice to flatteeth?"

Cera: "This one is!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Humph!"

Scene: Inside the small cave. Petrie's Sibling are huddled inside, with burning sticks and twigs all around them. Chomper gets to the top of the tree, steps down into the nest, and comes into the small cave.

Petrie's Sibling #1: "Sharptooth!"

Petrie's Sibling #2: "He's going to eat us!"

Chomper: "I'm not going to eat you! I'm here to rescue you!"

Petrie's Sibling #3: "He talks!?"

Chomper in-hails some smoke and coughs. Petrie's Siblings Scream.

Scene: Outside the cliff.

Petrie's Mom: Crying. "He's eating my babies!"

Petrie: Flying over. "No he not!"

Littelfoot: "That sharptooth is our friend. He's trying to save them. You have to trust us!"

Petrie's Mom is just laying on the ground, crying.

Littlefoot: Looking up at the burning nest. "Come on Chomper, You can do it!"

Scene: The small cave in the cliff.

Petrie's Sibling #2: "Leave us alone, please!"

Petrie's Sibling #3: "Please don't hurt us!"

Chomper: "I won't hurt you! I know your brother, Petrie!"

Petrie's Sibling #1: "But your a sharptooth!"

Chomper: Takes a step forward, outstretching his arms. "That's right, I am a sharptooth, but I just want to help! Please, you have to trust me!"

Petrie's Siblings back up until their tails almost get singed by the fire behind them. They look at Chomper, then back at the fire, then jump into Chomper's arms. Chomper takes off out of the little hole in the cliff.

Scene: Outside the Burning nest.

Mr. Threehorn: "The Sharptooth, it's coming out!"

Littlefoot: "Chomper!"

Chomper slides down the tree trunk, Petrie's Siblings in his arms. He slowly staggers his way back to Petrie's Mom. He's coughing, and doesn't look well. The grownups just stare at him as he approaches, dumbfounded. Chomper collapses on the ground. Petrie's siblings work their way out from under Chomper, and run over to their Mom.

Petrie's Sibling #1: "Mommy!"

Petrie's Sibling #2: "Are you ok?"

Petrie's Mom: "I'm fine, little ones. I'm just glad to see that your all safe!" She looks over at Chomper, who's still lying on the ground, unconscious. The scene cuts out.

------------------------------<Commercial break>--------------------------------

Scene: "The next morning, at the Great Meeting Circle. Chomper is still unconscious, asleep on a big leaf. He is surrounded by The Gang and all the grownups of the Great Valley.

Chomper: Opens his eyes and lifts his head a little. "Uhh. What happened?" He looks up at the grownups. "AHH!" He covers his head.

Grandpa Longneck: He lowers his head down to Chomper's level, laughing lightly. "It's alright, Chomper."

Chomper: Looking. "It...it is?"

Ducky's Mom: "We all saw what you did last night."

Mr. Threehorn: "I never thought I'd see something like that! I still don't believe it!"

Tria pushes on Mr. Threehorn. Chomper stares at Mr. Threehorn, looking scared. Mr. Threehorn walks up to Chomper, and lowers his head to look at him.

Mr. Threehorn: "I guess you aren't as mean as you look!"

Chomper: "Why, thank you! You aren't as mean as you look either!"

Grandma Longneck: "Are you ok, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Yeah, I think I am. I just breathed in a lot of smoke from that fire."

Petrie's Sibling #1: "Thanks for saving us, Chomper!"

Petrie's Sibling #2: "Yeah, your nicer than you look!"

Petrie's Mom: She comes up and hugs Chomper "Thank you so much, Chomper!"

Chomper: "Oh, it was nothing."

Grandpa Longneck: "Wait a second. I think I've seen you before!"

Littlefoot: "Huh?"

Chomper: "What?"

Grandpa Longneck: "You're that little sharptooth that Littlefoot and the kids hatched, aren't you?"

Littlefoot: Gasps. "Grandpa? How did you know that!?"

Grandpa Longneck: Laughs. "I know about a lot of things that happen in the Great Valley, more than you give me credit for! I always have my eyes peeled!"

Ruby: "I'm just so happy that we both can stay here, stay in the Great Valley!"

Chomper: "Really? We can stay?"

Grandpa Longneck: "After what you've done, your welcome here!"

Chomper: "Oh thank you! um..."

Grandpa Longneck: "Just call me Grandpa. that's what everyone else calls me."

Chomper: "Ok Grandpa!"

Grandma Longneck: "You can call me Grandma."

Mr. Threehorn: "And you can call me Mr. Threehorn."

Tria: "He means Topsy. You can call him Topsy!"

Chomper: Rubs his Stomach. "I hate to say it, but I'm getting kind of hungry."

Petrie's Siblings run over behind their mom. Some grownups get a worried look on their faces.

Mr. Threehorn: "I hope your not wanting one of the kids!"

Chomper takes a step back. Cera Comes into the scene, dragging a large leaf with ground crawlers on it. Ducky is on her head.

Ducky: "We got you what you like, Chomper!"

Chomper: "My favorite!" He grabs a few ground crawlers, and eats them."

Most of the grownups show disgust. Mr. Threehorn laughs.

Mr. Threehorn: " I guess you can eat those, Just as long as you don't try to hunt anyone!"

Chomper: "Don't worry, I don't want to hunt anyone!"

The Gang runs over and hugs Chomper, and the scene fades back to the present again.

Ruby: "And that's that. Me and Chomper have been living here in the Great Valley ever since then."

Professor: "Chomper really did that? Saved Petrie's siblings like that?"

Chomper: "I sure did!"

Mr. Threehorn: "I am sorry I tried to hurt you, Chomper. You know that, right?"

Chomper: "I know!"

Professor: "Anything else?"

Littlefoot: "One more thing. Whenever the cold time comes, I always like remembering what happened since the last cold time."

Ducky: "It has been great, it has, it has!"

Cera: "We met The Professor."

Chomper: "I got to meet my parent's again!"

Ali: "I came back!"

Littlefoot: "And my Grandpa..."

Ruby and Ducky come over and hug Littlefoot.

Ruby: "It's ok Littlefoot."

Mr. Threehorn: "You have to take the good times with the bad, little one."

Littlefoot: "Yeah...I guess your right."

Professor: "Well, Goodnight everyone!"

Everyone Else: "Goodnight!"

Everyone goes to sleep. Chomper comes over to snuggle Littlefoot, and Ruby comes to snuggle Chomper.

Scene: The next night, at the edge of the Great Valley, just outside of the Professor's cave. Chomper comes walking up to the cave's entrance, and peeks in.

Chomper: "Hello?"

Professor: "Oh, your finally here Chomper, come on in!"

Chomper walks into the cave. The part of the cave the Professor is in is a fairly big circular domed room. There is a big fairly flat rock in the center of the room, almost like a table.

Chomper: "Nice place you got here, Professor!" Walking over to a strange box. "Whats all of these things?"

Professor: "Oh, all kinds of things. But let's get to the point."

Chomper: "Why did you invite me here?"

Professor: "For dinner of course."

Chomper: "Really? What are we having?"

Professor: "You'll know in a minute." He walks out of the room for a moment. "You know, Chomper. After hearing that story. I feel pretty bad about myself."

Chomper: "You do?"

Professor: He walks back into the main room. "Yes, I do. I haven't been truthful since I've come here." He sets two steaks down on the table, a cooked one for him, and a raw one for Chomper. "I'm actually a meat-eater."

Chomper: He smiles and then laughs some. "I've been waiting for you to say that!"

Professor: "What?"

Chomper: "I've known your were a meat-eater since I first saw you. I smelled the meat you had in your backpack. That's why I attacked you. I thought you were in the Great Valley to eat one of my friends."

Professor: "I thought the same thing when I first saw you."

Chomper: Sighs. "Yeah, I know."

Professor: "But now that I know you, I understand that you would never eat your friends...or should I say our friends!

Chomper: "This...meat here is really good! What is it?"

Professor: "It's from a creature my kind calls a cow."

Chomper: "What's a cow?"

Professor: "A creature that you've never seen before, because there aren't any around here!"

Chomper: "Your being mysterious again, Professor!"

Professsor: Laughs. "One step at a time, Chomper."

Chomper: "Ok."

Professor: "I have a question for you, Chomper. How do you see the Gang, as a meat-eater? Honestly."

Chomper: "I don't think I should say..."

Professor: "We're both meat-eaters here. You can be open to me."

Chomper: Thinking. "Well, I do think Littlefoot looks pretty tasty."

Professor: Laughs "Oh, it's alright, Chomper. I think Littlefoot looks pretty tasty too."

During the last two lines of dialogue, the camera pans out of the Professor's cave to outside, then rises up to show the starry sky, then fades.

END]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll see you back sometime, probably in a month or two, with the second season! For now though, I need a rest :smile .
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: LBTDiclonius on April 16, 2011, 08:22:17 PM
Since you kept pestering me to review, I will, nice ending.

Your way of telling us how Chomper came to the Great Valley and saving Petrie's siblings was cool, it was nice to see Chomper is willing to risk his life for his friends, or his friends siblings. Anyways, I saw that secret Professer shared with Chomper coming a mile away. It's what usually happens when a Human comes into the Great Valley, one of the gang finds out they're a meat-eater. But, enough of that, I thought you gave this story a decent ending and closed everything up well, so good job, and I look froward to seeing what season two brings us. ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 04, 2011, 07:52:27 PM
Just an update everyone.

I've been trudging through the first season, fixing errors, and trying to make it easier to read. I've got the first 8 episodes patched up some now. It'll probably take a while before I can get around to the rest of them, though.

Pangaea will be reviewing (AKA beating to death) my fanfiction. I"m actually looking forward to that.  :lol

About the second season, It'll still probably be a least a few weeks away. It is going to start with a two-parter involving Pterano coming back after his five Cold Times sentence. The Tinisaurus's will make an appearance too. I'm not so sure yet on other one-time characters making a return. So far, the Professor has been the only OC in this fiction, but I'm trying to come up with a few more to add in. The rainbowfaces will be coming back for a second time, and this time it's going to be a little ugly :anger .

I've been thinking of posting up one episode a week at a set day and time, to make it feel even more like a TV show :DD . That will actually be a lot slower than what I did with the first season, since I was pumping out about 3 of them a week on average ( :blink: ). Spacing them out farther and more evenly like that should give me time to really put work in them, and hopefully post them without having to fix them later on. How does one a week like that sound to you guys?

Anyway, I still have a couple more weeks of college classes, and I've been spending a lot of time lately job hunting. I think I'll actually have more time to write after I get a job, because I won't be spending so much time looking for one and stressing about it. I really hope I land a job soon.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Salvatore Blackheart on May 12, 2011, 10:28:03 PM
Good story Vonboy, specially episode 13, the professor is starting to understand chomper.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on May 12, 2011, 10:38:55 PM
Oh yeah! I'm ready for chappie 13! Funny, I just might be posting my chappie 13 tomorrow.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pangaea on May 12, 2011, 11:05:59 PM
Sorry again for keeping you waiting, Von! :oops

I've been too forgetful and/or brain-dead to review sooner, and I still am, so I thought I'd “reserve” a spot where I'll be able to post my reviews of Season 1 without interrupting the flow of Season 2. I'll let you know when I update this post.

UPDATE: May 20, 2011

Review for Episode 1 – The Farwalker

Well, I’ve finally started reviewing, and it looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me. No offense, but there are A LOT of spelling and grammar errors in this chapter. At first I started picking out individual errors and offering corrections for each and every one, but it’s apparent to me now that if I went about it this way, it could take many hours for me to review a single chapter. :blink: So instead, I thought I’d identify some of the general types of mistakes that appear frequently in the story, and give you pointers on how to fix/avoid them. Forgive me as I may come off as presenting the information in a “for dummies” fashion; as if I don’t think you know anything about grammar and punctuation. This is most certainly not the case; the truth of the matter is that I am not certain of your level of awareness of grammar and punctuation rules, and want to be certain that you understand them.

I found a very useful site a while back that’s an online guide to correct grammar and punctuation. Here’s (http://www.grammarbook.com/default.asp) a link to the main page; I’ll refer you to specific pages occasionally when I’m covering a specific type of writing problem in my reviews.

I’m seeing an awful lot of capitalized words that should be lowercase, and lowercase words that should be capitalized. Generally, you only need to capitalize the first word of a sentence, proper nouns such as names (see below), the first part of a scientific name (e.g., Tyrannosaurus rex), and many initials (e.g., LBT). (More on capitalization rules here (http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/capital.asp).)Generally, a word should only contain an apostrophe if it is a contraction or a possessive noun. (More on apostrophe use here (http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/apostro.asp).)A comment on the script format of the story: I have nothing against this style, even though it’s not my preferred one. However, I do have some issues with the way dialogue and scene description are laid out. They are not differentiated except for the quotation marks framing dialogue (and I see many cases of a quotation mark missing from the beginning or end of a line). Maybe it’s just me, but I find it a bit distracting (for lack of a better word) that I can’t automatically tell whether a sentence is dialogue or scene description. My suggested solution would be to distinguish descriptive text by either italicizing it or framing it with brackets: () or <>. This way, a reader’s brain can instantly identify the line as a distinct type of text upon seeing it, making the story easier to read. (That’s how it seems to work for me, at least, though I know my brain has a slower processing speed than most people.)

A very broad criticism: watch for typos. I’m seeing a lot of them: “Grangma Longneck”, “Threehorms”, and “Proffesor”, just to name a few.

Though I have the impression that it’s something of a parody of the opening narration of most LBT films, you might want to reword the narration a little bit. Look at it when it’s written out without interruptions:
Quote
A long, long time ago...Before man, or wolf, or bird...When the earth was still in it's infancy...In this land that looked very different from our own. lived great, wonderous creatures who were very different from the creatures we know of today.
The different parts of the narration don’t really connect very well to one another. The first three parts seem to be leading somewhere, but then it cuts off and a new sentence appears to start.
Quote
Littlefoot: Almost jumps up from his sleep. "No!" He breaths heavily.
Should be “breathes”. The present-tense form of breathingóbreatheóhas an “e” at the end. (The easy way to remember is that if you’re pronouncing it with a long “e”óthe “ee” soundóadd an “e” to the end.) The noun “breath” (as in a character taking a breath) is pronounced with a short e (the “eh” sound).

Quote
Littlefoot: *Well, ok. Bye!"
Quote
Littlefoot: "ok, dad. I will."
”Ok” should be written either as “okay” or in capital letters (“OK” or “O.K.”).
*Insert beginning quote.

Quote
Scene: A grassy field. The Gang of Five are playing a game that resembles soccer with a hard pointy seed. The human from before is in some foliage nearby observing a fully grown Threehorm and Longneck eating treestars.
I assume the reason you don’t directly state that the adult dinosaurs in this scene are Mr. Threehorn and Bron is because you’re writing that sentence from the Professor’s point of view. However, The Professor would probably know the LBT dinosaurs by their scientific names, and it’s a little confusing at first when Mr. Threehorn and Bron start speaking later in this scene when they weren’t explicitly described as being present. My suggestion for fixing this would be to change it to “observing a fully grown Triceratops (Mr. Threehorn) and Apatosaurus (Bron) eating treestars”. (By the way “Threehorn” is misspelled with an “m”.)

I liked Bron and Mr. Threehorn’s little banter while the gang was playing. :lol However, Mr. Threehorn’s first comment (“They sure are loud and annoying!”) seemed…awkward to me. Surely he’s listened to the gang playing hundreds of times before; he sounds as if he’s only noticing now that they’re noisy. Something like “Can’t those kids keep it down?!” would sound better and make more sense, in my opinion.

Littlefoot’s decision to go look for the human right after Bron had told him to avoid it was another source of amusement. :lol

Quote
Mr.Threehorn: "But Tricia, how do we know this creature isn't a sharptooth?"

The debate turns into inconprehensible rabling from everyone. Scene fades to the next Scene.
I think you mean “Tria” and “incomprehensible rambling”, respectively. Also, “Scene fades to the next Scene” is kind of awkward. How about “Fades to next scene” or “Scene fades to next”?

Quote
Suddenly, he lets out an audible voice. "Wait, Stop!"
I think the word you’re looking for here is “intelligible”, meaning understandable. “Audible” just means that you can hear it.

Quote
Human: "Huh? oh, that's not my n"
To imply an interruption, “n” should be immediately followed by an em dash (ó), like so: “…that's not my nó”. (Info on dashes here (http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/dashes.asp).) Also, since it begins a sentence, “oh” should have its first letter capitalized.

Quote
Professor: "Oh, I thought you were a Brontasaurus."
Should be spelled with an “o” in place of the “a”. Also, Brontosaurus is no longer considered a valid scientific name by most scientists, as the dinosaur is widely considered to be the same as Apatosaurus (scientific names should always be italicized, by the way). There are still two potential excuses for the professor calling the species Brontosaurus, however:
Quote
Petrie: "That sounds nice. Hi Professor!"
There’s nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, but this is Petrie talking, so proper grammar is itself a mistake! :p Seriously, though, Petrie would probably just say “sound” in this instance.

Quote
Professor: "Yellow!"
This line confused me at first. Then I realized that it was probably that alternative version of the word “hello”. if this is the case, then you should remove the “w”, to avoid confusion with the color.

Quote
Professor: Waves hand shyly. "oowehehe!"
Aaaaand…I still can’t tell what this is supposed to mean. :confused

The Professor’s introduction to the gang and then the adults seemed a bit rushed to me, and I don’t think enough of the grownups spoke or otherwise reacted to the Professor when they met him; it seemed like Bron and Mr. Threehorn were the only ones there. Also, none of Littlefoot’s friends were actually introduced to the Professor; he got to hear Cera’s name when Littlefoot said it, but none of them directly shared their names or revealed anything about themselves. I was a little disappointed by this, because I’m really fond of “meeting scenes” where characters meet other characters for the first time, and get their first impressions of one another (through behavior as well as dialogue). Cera’s initial distrust of the Professor is accurate to her character, but none of the others really does anything. Petrie, for example, could be expected to at first try to hide behind one of his bigger friends or otherwise make himself scarce in a manner that reflects his jumpy and timid personality; once he’s convinced that the newcomer is friendly, he might fly up to greet him (“Me Petrie! Me flyer!”), displaying another significant aspect of his character: his pride in his flying abilities. You need to showcase the personalities of the characters in the dialogue, as well as with actions, or it’s a lot harder to connect with them and the story.

Seems like Bron’s a little stricter than Littlefoot’s grandparents, but nothing wrong with that as far as the story is concerned. (It kind of makes sense, even, considering he was a farwalker, for whom disobedience and straying from the herd could be far more likely to have disastrous consequences as opposed to living in a sheltered valley.)

Not a whole lot happened in this chapter, but it’s the first one, so I’ll give it time. I was wondering where Chomper and Ruby were during all this; I’m guessing that will be answered in the next episode.



UPDATE: June 3, 2011

Review for Episode 2 – The Sharptoothed Menace

Sorry this review is so much shorter than the last one. I had a harder time coming up with comments, for some reason. :wacko

Quote
Littlefoot: "So how is it like living here?"
This should be written as “So how do you like living here?”.

By the way, how long have Bron and Shorty been living in the Great Valley? Littlefoot and Shorty’s conversation gives the impression that they moved in very recently. (“I think I’m going to like it here!” especially, makes it sound like they just arrived.)

Quote
Cera: "I hope he isn't craving threehorn soup, haha!"

Ducky: "yeah, I hope so too, yup yup yup!"
Should be “not”. Otherwise Ducky sounds like she hopes Chomper is craving threehorn soup! :p

Quote
The professor turns around to the Sharptooth, and shows the stick. The sharptooth doesn't appear to be intimidated by the stick, And continues advancing. The Professor tries several strikes at him, but he only seems a little annoyed from the strikes. the Sharptooth takes a swipe at the Professor And manages to barely connect and rip his shirt. The professor Starts running away again.
Admittedly, I had a hard time envisioning this scene as a serious confrontation. Chomper’s not that big compared to the Professor, is he? I suppose he could still be a threat if he was as tall as the Professor’s knee and could jump high enough to reach his throat, but I still can’t help but mentally compare this scene to an adult human being attacked by a small, belligerent dog. Also, I think you could have put more detail into the scene. Action scenes are much more enjoyable if you mix up the vocabulary and elaborate on the characters’ actions. What was Chomper swiping with: his claws or teeth? And unless the gang are rather large compared to the Professor, wouldn’t he have to jump in order to reach high enough to tear the Professor’s shirt? Do the Professor’s stick strikes consist of jabs, swings, etc.? As for writing errors in this segment, the first “professor” should be capitalized, you should remove “around” (or change the line to “turns around to face the sharptooth”), “annoyed from” should be “annoyed by”, and the Ands and “Starts” should not be capitalized.

Until Ruby brought up the subject at the end of the chapter, I thought that Chomper’s whole attack on the Professor was very out-of-character for him (I still don’t understand why he only tried to communicate with him in Sharptooth). Now, though, I’m curious to find out what exactly his motivation was.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: LBTDiclonius on May 12, 2011, 11:34:46 PM
Oh, Friday the thirteenth, eh?  :lol

Can't wait for the chapter!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 13, 2011, 06:25:06 AM
Episode 14 - Comeback of the Infamous Old Flyer Part 1

Mmm, flyer...

Scene: "The Great Valley, very early in the morning, just before sunrise. The Cold Times are ending. Patches of unmelted snow are still present.

A Thornthumb Mother and her 2 little ones are asleep in their nest. One of the hatchlings isn't sleeping well, and walks over to some nearby foliage for a midnight snack. The shadow of a flyer runs across the ground. The hatchling sees the shadow and looks up. She looks scared, and She starts to step back. The flyer snatches the hatchling in a flash and fly's up to leave the Great Valley.

The Professor walks out of his cave to start the day. He yawns, then looks up to see the flyer in the sky.

Professor: "Hm, that's weird." He shrugs it off and walks off.

Scene: The Great Valley, later in the morning.

Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike and Chomper are waiting outside the entrance to the Hidden Valley.

Chomper: "So, is everyone ready?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, We are all ready, Chomper."

Ducky: "Here comes the Professor!"

Chomper: "You all know what to do!"

Professor: "Walks up to the group. "Hey everyone."

Chomper: "Hi...and bye!"

Professor: "Where are all of you going?"

Ducky: "The Mysterious Beyond, yup yup yup!"

Professor: "I can see that, but why?"

Littlefoot: "We're going to Chomper's parents."

Professor: "Why?"

Littlefoot: "For dinner."

Professor: "...Really?"

Ducky: "That is what Littlefoot just said, hatchling!"

Chomper: "We agreed to this the last time we went to my parents, remember?"

Professor: "uh..."

Cera: "Oh, that's right! The Professor and Ducky were away in the Land of Mists then, so he never heard it."

Littlefoot: "Are you sure we're big enough yet, Chomper?"

Chomper: Rubbing Littlefoot's tummy. "Yeah, your big enough!"

Professor: "But Why do you even WANT to go? Don't you like life?"

Littlefoot: "I think I've lived a pretty good life, how about you?"

Ducky: "Yup yup yup!"

Cera: "Of course!"

Chomper: "Well, let's go!"

Chomper leads the way, while Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, and Spike follows.

Professor: "Now hold on a second! What do you even think your doing!?"

Littlefoot: "Look, we don't want to keep them waiting!"

Professor: "But..."

Chomper: "Let's go already!"

They start to walk into the cave leading to the Hidden Valley. The Professor runs after them, and grabs Littlefoot's tail.

Professor: "Wait! Stop!"

The Professor falls on the ground, and gets dragged by Littlefoot. He starts to get upset.

Professor: "You can't go! I'd miss you guys!"

Littlefoot: "What?"

Professor: "Please don't go!"

The gang rolls over onto the ground, laughing. The Professor get's up to his feet.

Chomper: Getting up, and still chuckling. "You fell for it!"

Professor: "What?"

Littlefoot: "You fell for Chomper's little prank, Professor!"

Professor: "You wanted to play a joke on me?"

Chomper: I figured that since we're friends now, Professor, that I'd play a good prank on you, like I do to all of my friends."

Professor: "You mean you were just playing?"

Littlefoot: "Of course we were just playing.

Ducky: "You do not think anyone would ever WANT to be eated, do you?"

Chomper: "So, hot did you like it?"

Professor: "I guess it was a pretty good prank. Reminds me of one my brother played on me."

Shorty runs up to the gang, with Petrie on his head.

Shorty: "Everyone head over to the Great Meeting Circle!"

Littlefoot: "What for?"

Shorty: "Mr. Threehorn said the day has come, and that we need to have a meeting about it."

Cera: "What are you talking about?"

Shorty: "I don't really know.

Petrie: "Me no know either."

Shorty: "He just told me It's been five cold times since then."

Ducky: "Do you mean?"

A flyer starts to fly down to the Gang. Chomper sees him and runs into some nearby bushes. Cera Takes a step back and takes a defensive stance.

Pterano: "That's right, it's your dear old uncle!"

Petrie: "Uncle Pterano!"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Pterano: "So, what are you darling little kids doing?"

Cera: "What are YOU doing here?"

Pterano: "Just as hardheaded as your father, I see!"

Cera: "Humph!"

Littlefoot: "Don't pay attention to her, Pterano. I'm kind of glad to see you again!"

Ducky: "You were kind of nice to us, yup yup yup!"

Petrie: "So, how was it in Mysterious Beyond?"

Pterano: "Well, it was a fairly rough place...but it wasn't too much for your uncle!"

Petrie: "You have adventures?"

Pterano: Plenty of adventures! Maybe I'll tell you of some of them later."

Shorty: "Shouldn't we be heading to the meeting?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, let's go!"

Pterano: "Come with me, Petrie!"

The gang and Shorty head off for the Great Meeting Circle. Pterano and Petrie take to the skies. Chomper walks over to Ruby, who's nearby eating some treestars.

Chomper: "Hey, Ruby!"

Ruby: "Oh, good morning Chomper! What's going on?"

Chomper: "Theres about to be a meeting."

Ruby: "Why aren't you going?"

Chomper: "Well, there is this new flyer here, and you know how it is between me and new people."

Ruby: Laughs "Yeah, I know. I'll help him to get to know you, so that he'll know you."

Chomper: "Ok!"

Ruby and Chomper follow the gang to the meeting.

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle.

The Grownups are already assembled. The Gang, the Professor, and Shorty enter the scene. Pterano and Petrie lands in front of the Gang. Ruby and Chomper walk up behind them and goes in the middle of the gang, where Chomper is kind of hard to see.

Mr. Threehorn: Takes a look at Pterano. "Humph!"

Pterano: At Cera. "I see you're dad hasn't changed one bit either, Cera"

Bron: "Now, why did you call this meeting today, Topsy?"

Mr. Threehorn: "That little menace is back. We need to drive him out!"

Pterano: "Now hold on a second there. I've served my time, and I deserve a second chance now!"

Bron: "What is this all about?"

Grandma Longneck: "I'm sorry, son. I never told you about this. Five Cold Times ago, Pterano here was banished out of the Great Valley, told not to return until now."

Mr. Threehorn: "I still don't think that was long enough!"

Bron: "Now Topsy. If the Great Valley agreed to this, than I think he should be allowed back in now."

Mr.Threehorn: "But you don't even know what got him banished in the first place!"

Bron: "That doesn't matter now. Everyone deserves a second chance."

Pterano: "Why, thank you for being so open-minded...hmm...what was your name again?"

Bron: "I'm Bron, the new leader of the Great Valley."

Pterano: "What happened to that dear old Longneck?"

Bron: "My father has passed on. I came to take his place."

Pterano: "Oh, what a shame, what a shame."

Mr. Threehorn: "I guess I'll give you a chance, Pterano. But at the first sign of trouble, I'm chasing you out!"

Pterano: Crossing his arms. "Thanks for the show of support!"

PEtrie's Mom: "I guess it is nice to see you again, brother."

Bron: "Now, if that is it, then let's call this meeting..."

Mother Thornthumb: Running up to the meeting. "Wait!"

Bron: "What is it?"

Mother Thornthumb: "One of my kids is missing!"

Grandma Longneck: "What?"

Mother Thornthumb: "I've looked for her all morning, but I can't find her!"

Ducky's Mom: "Where was she last?"

Mother Thornthumb: "She was asleep with me and my other little one last night."

Mr. Threehorn: "Could she have run away? Our kids do that all the time!"

The whole Gang share glances with each other.

Mother Thornthumb: "No, she's never run off before, and I don't see how she would now!"

Pterano: "Of course, it all makes sense now!"

Littlefoot: "What is it, Pterano?"

Pterano: "Why didn't I notice that little sharptooth over there before?"

Chomper: "Who? me?"

Pterano: "That little monster must have ate her!"

Mother Thornthumb: "It must be. I told her not to play with sharpteeth!"

Chomper: "No, I would never do that!"

Mr. Threehorn: "That's right, Chomper would never do that..."

Chomper: His face lighting up. "Why, thank you..."

Mr. Threehorn: "...because he's too much of a scardy egg to hurt anything!"

Chomper: Annoyed. "...Hey!"

Pterano: "Well, no need to worry everyone! I'll just get this little monster out of the Great Valley for you!"

Chomper: "What?"

Pterano takes to the air after Chomper. Chomper takes a few steps back. The Professor jumps up in between Chomper and Pterano.

Professor: "Stop! Chomper didn't do it!"

Pterano: "How do you know, you little fuzzied faced...thing!"

Professor: "I saw That little Iguanodon..."

Littlefoot: "You mean Thornthumb?"

Professor: "...Whatever! What I meant to say was I saw that little hatchling earlier this morning.

Mother Thornthumb: "Really? Where?"

Professor: "In the claws of a flyer!"

Pterano: "Really? A flyer?"

Mr. Threehorn: "Of course, I knew it all along! Pterano did it!"

Pterano: "What?"

Mr. Threehorn: "It was the perfect plan. He wanted to get rid of Chomper, so he kidnapped one of the little ones, and framed Chomper with the crime!"

Pterano: "No! I'd never even think of..."

Mr. Threehorn: "Pterano, I know you see Chomper as a threat, and you thought you were doing it for the greater good, but what you did was wrong!"

Pterano: "But I didn't do anything!"

Mr. Threehorn: "You haven't changed one bit!" He charges at Pterano.

Petrie: "Leave me uncle alone!"

Pterano: Takes off into the air. "I see your temper hasn't changed one bit either!

Bron: "Professor, was it Pterano you saw, or some other flyer?"

Professor: "You know, I don't really know, it could have been Pterano. Honestly, You flyers all look the same to me."

Mr. Threehorn: "Go on, get out of here!"

Pterano: "It's getting pretty obvious that an old flyer like me isn't wanted around here anymore."

Petrie: "Uncle, Don't go!"

Pterano starts to fly off towards the Mysterious Beyond.

Petrie: "No! Take me with you!" He takes off into the air after Pterano.

Petrie's Mother: "Petrie, no! It's dangerous out there!" She takes off and follows Petrie.

Bron: "Did you really have to chase him off like that, Topsy?"

Mr. Threehorn: "He's a bad egg, I tell you! We're better off without him!"

Bron sighs, and the grownups start to disperse. The gang run over to meet up at the end of the meeting circle, where the grownups can't hear them.

Littlefoot: "I think we should go and try to help Pterano!"

Cera: "Here we go again!" She rolls her eyes. "Do you remember what he did? How he almost killed Ducky?"

Littlefoot: "He also saved all of our lives, Cera. I think he really has changed."

Cera: "Well, I'm not going to help!"

Littlefoot: "...okay, that's fine."

Ducky: "What?"

Littlefoot: "Let's go, everyone!"

Ruby: "We're just going to leave Cera behind?"

Littlefoot: "Yup!" He starts to walk off. "Well, come on everyone, We can't keep Pterano waiting!"

Ducky: "...okay."

Everyone else, minus Cera, follows Littlefoot. Cera just stands there.

Cera: "Humph!" She kicks a rock around, then looks back and eyes the rest of the gang. She gets a worried look on her face, and takes off to catch up.

Chomper: "Changed your mind, Cera?"

Cera: "I figure you'll need some protection in the Mysterious Beyond.

Littlefoot: Sarcastically. "Oh really?"

Cera: "I don't know what you'd do without me!"

Littlefoot: Whispering to Ducky, Ruby and Chomper. "Heh heh. I knew she'd come. Works every time!"

The Gang heads off for the Mysterious Beyond.

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond.

Pterano is still flying, with Petrie and his mom in pursuit.

Petrie: "Uncle, wait up!"

Petrie's Mom: "Petrie, come back here!"

Pterano descends onto a tree limb to rest. Petrie lands next to him.

Petrie: "Pterano, come back and live with us!"

Pterano: Sighs. "I don't think I can do that anymore, I'm not really welcome there."

Petrie's Mom lands on the same limb next to Petrie.

Petrie's Mom: She hugs Petrie. "Oh Petrie! What do you think your doing?"

Petrie: "I just can't let Uncle Pterano leave! I know he's good!"

Petrie's Mom: "This is all your fault!"

Pterano: "Me? What did I do?"

Petrie's Mom: Trying to get rid of a little kid? That's just horrible!"

Pterano: "But I didn't do that! I keep trying to tell you!"

Petrie's Mom: "Why should I believe you?"

Pterano: "Well, for one, I'm your Brother. Second, you trudge around this place for five Cold Times and tell me you don't think differently!"

Petrie is starting to look worried as the two older flyers continue to argue.

Petrie's mom: "Why do I have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's just the same old you? Maybe it's all those times you almost got me killed leading me on adventures! Maybe it's how you always tried to get things to run YOUR way! Maybe it's how you only thought about yourself!"

Pterano: "I'm a changed flyer!"

Petrie's Mom: "The Professor said a flyer did it. If it wasn't you, then who was it?"

Scene: Somewhere else in the Mysterious Beyond.

The Gang, Ruby, and Chomper are walking in a forest in the Mysterious Beyond, looking for Pterano and the other two flyers.

Cera: "Where are we?"

Littlefoot: "I don't really know. I know I saw them fly this way, though."

Chomper: "I smell a couple of flyers nearby, but I don't know if they're the ones were looking for or not."

Ducky: "You do not know, Chomper?"

Chomper: "It's kind of hard to tell. I've only smelled Pterano once, and I'm not around Petrie's mom that much."

Ducky gets distracted by a dragonfly sitting on a fern leaf. The rest of the Gang keeps walking on.

Cera: "What about Petrie?"

Chomper: "I definitely don't smell him!"

Littlefoot: "Well, We should keep looking for them."

Cera: "I don't really feel like helping that old flyer out!"

Littlefoot: "Cera!" He sighs. "We still have to make sure Petrie is ok!"

Chomper: "Yeah, we don't want to loose a friend, do we?"

Littlefoot, Cera, Spike, and Chomper walk off into the woods. Camera pans back to Ducky, who's still looking at the dragonfly, now buzzing through the air. She then looks around to see she's alone.

Ducky: "Littlefoot? Cera? Spike? Where are you?"

A shadowy figure moves through the foliage in front of her.

Ducky: "Oh, I do not like this, no no no!"

The shadowy figure comes out of the foliage, and grabs Ducky. It's Sierra. Rinkus comes out of the foliage, holding the Thornthumb hatchling he kidnapped that morning.

Sierra: "Well well well! Lookie what we have here!"

Rinkus: "It's that little brat we kidnapped before, isn't it?"

Sierra: "No, it's your uncle!" He slaps Rinkus with his wing. "Of course it's that brat!"

Ducky: "So, you did it, you mean flyers! You took the poor little hatchling! And you are trying to blame it on Pter-"

Sierra covers Ducky's mouth with his claws, so she can't continue.

Sierra: "You got it right, you little brat!"

Rinkus: "That old flyer wasn't a very good leader."

Sierra: "He never wanted to go far enough. He messed up a lot of great plans because of his...feelings."

Rinkus: "We thought he was one of us, but he wasn't!"

Sierra: "He betrayed us, and now we're just returning the favor!"

The two flyers laugh as Ducky tries to break free.

Sierra: "And now, we've got a new problem on our hands...What to do with you!"

Sierra and Rinkus smile devilishly at Ducky, as they lift off into the air.

To Be Continued

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, there it is. I'm going to be posting these weekly now, so part two is coming next Friday :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on May 13, 2011, 09:59:16 AM
Alright, so we're now at Pterano's return. Heheh, something tells me our fanfics have similar plots. ;) Well in so far as Pterano being framed. There the similarities end though, as you'll see. :)

I definitely think your dialogue is good. In particular you pretty much sound exactly how Mr. Threehorn does. He's very... fun to write. XD I like your take on Bron becoming Great Valley head as well, after the passing of Littlefoot's grandfather. It gives a unique perspective on things.

So this is a weekly issue... just like old newspapers! :D Well I shall look forward to next week's release then. :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on May 13, 2011, 10:11:20 AM
You beat me! I was just about to post my chapter thirteen today! If I finish writing it...

Great episode, dude! Pterano's back and better than ever! I just hope the valley finds out who really kidnapped Thumbnail.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: LBTDiclonius on May 13, 2011, 05:30:50 PM
I have three words for you.

I. Knew. It.

I knew it was Sierra and Rinkus who kidnapped the Thornthumb. It never was Pterano! Ha!

Anyways, great chapter for such an unlucky day, but, still can't wait for nest week's episode! ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 13, 2011, 06:02:37 PM
It's alright Pangaea, It'll be worth the wait! ;)

Yeah, I really try to make the dialogue good and interesting, since that's what most of the scripts are.

Is it bad that it was obvious who took the hatchling?

---------------

Littlefoot: "It's a thornthumb hatchling, not a thumbnail!"

Professor: "Whatever!"

-----------------

Part two is gonna have a LOT of action in it :DD . This first part is kind of lenient on the action since it's setting it all up.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 19, 2011, 08:38:11 PM
I know double posting is bad, but I just noticed something. I looked back at episode 3, which I've must have proofread like 10 times by now? I finally just noticed something that no one here seemed to have seen, or at least no one said they did.

Quote
Littlefoot: "Chomper, this way! I have an idea!"

Chomper: "Ok."

Littlefoot and Chomper run off to the side, and start climbing a cliff. Everyone else see's a small cave, which they run into.

Cera: "Just what is Littlefoot trying to do?"

Ruby: "I don't know, but we have to trust in him. He's a good leader."

Professor: "I hope your right, Ruby."

The roars of Redclaw can be heard from outside the cave.

Chomper: Hearing what Redclaw is saying. "No, not them!"

Ducky: "Not who?"

Chomper: "He's calling over Screech and Thud!"

Professor: "Who are they?"

Before anyone could answer, two fast biters peek over to look in the cave, and the professor has his answer.

Cera: "They are!"

The gang run into the darkness of the cave. Screech and Thud give pursuit.

Ruby: "There has got to be somewhere we can go, But it's getting too dark to see where that somewhere is!"

Professor: "I've got just the thing!" He pulls a flashlight out of his backpack, turns it on, and points it ahead of them.

Petrie: "What that, fire?"

Professor: "No, it's a flashlight."

Ruby: "I don't think it's time to talk, but time to run!"

Petrie: "Good point!"

They run through the caves some more. Screech and thuds roars can be heard echoing throughout the caves.

Petrie: "Me scared!"

Professor: "I think we all are."

Suddenly, they see a light at the end of the tunnel. They run through it, and are greeted by Littlefoot and Chomper.

Littlefoot: "Hey guys, I didn't expect you here."

Chomper: "Good thing you are though. We need help!"

Oh my god! It's Chomper's long lost twin! :wow  :blink:

How did I not see that fudge up before!? Should I fix that?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on May 19, 2011, 10:19:59 PM
If you want to.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 20, 2011, 09:40:36 AM
Here's the conclusion to Pterano's little story. I think I'll be posting these on Friday mornings, after getting off of work for the week.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 15 - Comeback of the Infamous Flyer Part 2

The Three Stooges...er...I mean sharpteeth!

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, in the afternoon.

Sierra and Rinkus are flying high in the air, Ducky in Sierra's claws, and the thornthumb hatchling in Rinkus' claws.

Rinkus: "What's your plan, Sierra?"

Sierra: "Remember what I wanted to do to her a long time ago?"

Rinkus: "Feed her to a sharptooth?"

Sierra: "Of course!"

Ducky screams. Rinkus and Sierra fly some more, until they lay eyes on Redclaw. They start to fly down towards him.

Ducky: "No no no!"

Sierra: "Here sharptooth! Here! You look a little hungry today!"

Ducky: "My friends will stop you, you mean flyers!"

Sierra: "Whats this about friends?"

Rinkus: "Those other brats are out here too?"

Sierra: "Heh heh heh, I just thought of a better plan!"

Sierra fly's down and pecks Redclaw on his snout. Redclaw get's furious.

Redclaw: <Screech! Thud! Get over here!>

Redclaw takes off after the two ex-goons, while Screech and Thud come running out of some foliage behind Redclaw, and join him on his hunt.

Rinkus: "What was that for?"

Sierra: "I know what I'm doing! Now, just to find those other brats."

Camera pans over to the three sharpteeth.

Screech: <What is it, boss?>

Redclaw: <Some stupid flyer doesn't value his life much!>

Thud: Laughing evilly, then licking his lips. <This is gonna be fun!>

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond. The Gang is still looking for the three flyers.

Littlefoot: "Anything new, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Nope." He sniffs the air. Actually, smells like those couple of flyers I smelled earlier are getting closer."

Ruby: "Are they Sharptooth flyers?"

Chomper: "No."

Littlefoot: "Well, let's keep moving. Come on, Ducky!" He looks around. "Hey, where did Ducky go?"

Cera: "I was wondering why she wasn't saying anything."

Ruby: "Do you think she's ok?"

Chomper: Sniffs the air. "She's close by still. I'll go find her!"

Chomper runs off in the direction he smells Ducky from. Rinkus and Sierra come flying through the trees.

Ducky: "Everyone, Watch out!"

Sierra covers her mouth again with his claws.

Chomper: "Huh?"

Littlefoot: "What's going on?"

Several shartooth roars ring out.

Chomper: "Redclaw!"

Littlefoot: "Run!"

The gang takes off, with the three sharpteeth bursting through the trees in pursuit.

Scene: A treetop in the Mysterious Beyond.

Pterano and Petrie's mom are still on the branch, arguing. Petrie doesn't know what to do.

Petrie's Mom: "...if you had just went home like you were supposed to, I wouldn't have had to come and almost get myself killed trying to get you out of that mess!"

Pterano: "Are you STILL going on about that!? That was such a long time ago. We were young and reckless then!"

Petrie's Mom: "You were reckless!"

Petrie: "Mommy! Pterano! Stop!"

Petrie's Mom bends down to hug Petrie again.

Petrie's Mom: "I'm sorry, Petrie. I guess I got a little carried away."

Pterano tries to bend over to hug Petrie too while saying his next line.

Pterano: "I'm sorry too, little one. I just..."

Petrie's Mom: "You get your claws off of him!"

Pterano: "But sis."

Petrie: "Be nice to Pterano, Mommy!"

Petrie's Mom: "I'm sorry, Petrie, but you just don't understand. He's been like this since he was a hatchling! I don't think he can change just like that."

Pterano: "Well, what are we going to do now?"

Petrie's Mom: "I'M taking my son home! Goodbye Pterano!"

Petrie's mom holds her son as she prepares to take off, but all three of them hear a loud sharptooth roar.

Petrie: "What was that?"

Pterano: "Sounds like a sharptooth, and a pretty big one at that!"

Cera: "Ahh!"

Littlefoot: "Help!"

Petrie's Mom: "It's the other kids!" She takes off in the direction of all the noise.

Pterano: "What are those youngsters doing out here?" He takes off after everyone else.

---------------------------------Commercial break-------------------------------

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond.

The Gang is still running away from Redclaw, Screech, and Thud. Rinkus and Sierra are following to see the action. Redclaw gains on the Gang, and lowers his head to chomp down on them, missing Cera by a couple feet. Cera Screams.

Ruby: "Their gaining on us!"

Sierra: "Want to join your little friends, brat?"

Sierra drops Ducky on the ground. Screech comes up to eat her whole, but Chomper dashes back and grabs Ducky just as Screech clamps his mouth shut. He runs back to join the Gang.

Ducky: "Thanks, Chomper!"

Chomper: "What's going on?"

Ducky: "It's those mean flyers!"

Chomper: "Who?"

The other sharpteeth roar again. Petrie's mom, Petrie, and Pterano fly in on the scene.

Petrie: "It's Redclaw!"

Petrie's Mom: "We've got to do something!"

Pterano: Eying Rinkus and Sierra. "I don't believe it, it's them!" He darts off towards his ex-goons.

Sierra: "We'll lookie who's come to join the fun!"

Petrie's Mom: "Who are those two flyers?" She see's the thornthumb Hatchling. "They have the young one!"

Petrie: "Their the bad flyers!"

Pterano fly's up to scratch Sierra, but misses by inches.

Pterano: "It was you two! You ungrateful little..."

Redclaw and his goons roar at the Gang again, and they scream for help.

Sierra: "I'd love to have a good fight, I really would, but looks like some little runts need you!"

Pterano: "Oh dear, your right!"

Pterano soars off towards the Gang.

Sierra: "We're heading to the Great Valley now, have fun!" He laughs devilishly as he and Rinkus take off towards the Valley.

Pterano and Petrie's mom fly over the Gang.

Petrie's Mom: "What are we supposed to do?"

Pterano: "I don't know. Maybe we can lead them away from the kids!"

The two flyers try their best to distract the sharpteeth. They fly up and peck at them.

Petrie's Mom: "Stay away from the kids, you monster!"

Thud: <What do we do?>

Redclaw: <The little ones, I want them!>

Chomper: "Ahh!"

Pterano: "It's not working! We'll have to try something else!"

The sharpteeth chase everyone to a dead end against a rock wall.

Ducky: "Oh no no no!"

Cera: "We're trapped"

Petrie's Mom lands in front of the Gang. Pterano flys off.

Cera: "What's Pterano doing?"

Petrie: "Uncle?"

Petrie's Mom: Gasps. "I don't believe it! I just don't believe it!"

Screech and Thud walk up to the Gang.

Screech: <I'll take the Longneck!>

Thud: <I want the Longneck!>

Screech: <You don't deserve it!>

Thud: <Says who?>

Screech: <Says that guy with the teeth, that's who!>

Chomper: Looking at Littlefoot. "You know, sometimes I wish I didn't know what they were saying."

Redclaw roars at his goons.

Redclaw: <Step back you two! I said I want them!>

Screech: Snarls back. <If you say so, boss.>

Screech and Thud backs off as Redclaw walks up. Petrie's Mom covers everyone else in her wings.

Petrie: "Mommy?"

Petrie's Mom: "Close your eyes little ones. Don't look!"

Redclaw is standing right in front of the Gang, licking his lips. He lowers his head to take a bite, when a Stinky tree sweet splatters in his face. He gets some of the juices in his eyes, and reels back in pain. The camera pans to Pterano, who's still holding one stinky tree sweet in his talons.

Pterano: "Stay away from them, you foul beast!"

Petrie: "Pterano!"

Pterano flys up to Redclaw, just out of reach, to taunt him. Screech and Thud stay back and watch.

Pterano: "You look even more ugly close up! And that smell!"

Redclaw snaps his jaws several times at Pterano, but misses.

Pterano: "Ha Ha! You'll have to do better than that!"

Petrie: "That me Uncle!"

Pterano fly's behind Redclaw and the Gang. Redclaw turns around to face the flyer. Pterano chunks his second stinky tree sweet in Redclaw's mouth. Redclaw starts to cough, then he starts to back away from the gang.

Redclaw: <I've had enough of this! Let's look for something else to eat!>

Screech and Thud ignore Redclaw's order, and they both charge at the Gang. Pterano swoops down and slashes at the two fast biters. Petrie's mom takes to the air, as the Gang see a chance to run out of their dead end.

Petrie's Mom: "Run, kids!"

Littlefoot: "Let's go!"

The Gang takes off.

Pterano: "Let's try to keep them distracted!" He swoops down and grabs the largest rock that he can carry.

Pterano slings his rock at Screech, while Petrie's Mom slashes at Thud.

Pterano: "Take that, teeth for brains!"

Screech and Thud start to run off, while Petrie's Mom and Pterano land in front of the Gang.

Petrie's Mom: "Come on everyone, let's get out of here!"

Ducky gets on the back of Petrie's Mom, while Pterano grabs Chomper by the tail. The two flyers take off towards the Great Valley, while Littlefoot, Cera, Spike, and Ruby, all too big to be carried off by the flyers, follow on foot.

Petrie's Mom: "Who were those flyers?"

Pterano: "Well, they USED to be my friends!"

Ducky: "They are very mean flyers, they are!"

Petrie's Mom: "So, what do we do now?"

Pterano: "They headed off to the Great Valley. We should head there too, there's no telling what their up too!"

The flyers and the Gang head off into the distance.

Scene: Some jungles in the Mysterious Beyond.

Screech and Thud slowly make their way back to where Redclaw is recuperating.

Screech: <Boss?>

Redclaw: <What did I tell the two of you to do?>

Thud: <Um...>

Redclaw gets up and spins, smashing the two fast biters with his tail. They both crash into a tree, then They quickly get back on their feet to see Redclaw lowering his head down low at them, roaring.

Redclaw: <Don't let me see you do that again! You hear me!?>

Screech and Thud look terrified.

Scene: The skies over the Mysterious Beyond.

Ptrerano and Petrie's Mom are flying through the air with their passengers. Everyone else is following on the ground.

Pterano: "So, Chomper is your name, isn't it?"

Chomper: "Um, yes." He stares at Pterano for a few seconds before asking. "Are you mad at me?"

Pterano: "What for? You seem a lot nicer than those other broods out there. And Petrie says you're pretty nice."

Chomper: "Um, thanks Pterano. Petrie says your nice too!"

Petrie's Mom: "Well, there it is, The Great Valley!"

Pterano: "Let's see what those scheming flyers are up to!"

--------------------------------Commercial break--------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley, near one side of it, and a rock wall.

All the grownups are gathered around Rinkus and Sierra. Rinkus let's The thornthumb go, and she runs off to her mother, who nuzzles her.

Mother Thornthumb: "It's so good to have you back safe and sound, little one!" She turns to the two flyers. "Thank you both so much!"

Rinkus: "It was No problem, my dear!"

Sierra: "The two us were just flying around in the Mysterious Beyond, when we caught sight of a flyer with a little hatchling."

Rinkus: "You never saw a stranger sight!"

Sierra: "We asked what was going on, but he just wanted to fight us! He was such a gruff looking flyer."

Mr. Threehorn: "I knew it was Pterano the whole time. Good work you two!"

Sierra: "Pterano you say? So that was his name!"

Bron: "We have to think of a way to thank you two!"

Rinkus: "Well, for starters..."

Sierra: Slaps Rinkus with his wing. "We don't need anything!"

Pterano: "You sure don't!"

Ducky's Mom: Gasps. "Oh my, Pterano's back!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Him Again!?" He starts to charge at Pterano.

Petrie's Mom: Landing in front of Pterano. "Stop! Pterano didn't take the hatchling!"

Mr. Threehorn: "And I can fly! Humpth!"

Littlefoot: Running up. "It's true!"

Cera: Running up behind Littlefoot. "It was those two flyers right there!"

All of the grownups gasp.

Bron: "Is this true?"

Littlefoot: "Every word of it is true! They tried to get us all killed, even!"

Sierra: "Why you little..."

Sierra lunges forward at Littlefoot.

Pterano: "Oh no you don't!"

Pterano rams into Sierra from the side, and they roll onto the ground. They get up, and Sierra grabs Pterano by the throat. Sierra readies his claws.

Sierra: "I'm not leaving today with nothing!"

Pterano manages to break free, and he jams Sierra into a rock.

Sierra: "I must say, you surprise me, Pterano. Still so strong for such an old flyer!"

Sierra kicks Pterano back with his leg, and pins Pterano to the ground,

Sierra: "But it's still not enough, I'm afraid."

Sierra grabs a sharp rock in his free claws.

Sierra: "I'm going to enjoy this!"

Just before Sierra can deal the killing blow, Mr. Threehorn charges at the two flyers, scooping up Sierra in between his horns, and slinging him into the air.

Pterano: "Topsy?"

Sierra sprawls in the air for a moment before gaining his "Footing", then he sits stationery in the air.

Mr. Threehorn: "Get out of here, You flyers!"

Sierra: "Rinkus, get off your lazy tail!"

Rinkus flies up into the air, and both of the flyers take a dive at Pterano, who's still getting up. Bron slings his tail and slams both of the flyers into a rock wall.

Bron: "You two aren't welcomed here!"

Sierra: "This is getting ridiculous!"

Rinkus: "Let's get out of here!"

Sierra: "Fine, I've had enough. But first..."

Sierra fly's over and grabs Ducky, then darts into the sky. Ducky screams.

Ducky's Mom: "Ducky!"

Pterano: "Come back here!" He takes off. He chases Sierra way up into the sky.

Ducky: "Pterano!"

Pterano: "Let go of that child!"

Sierra: "I don't listen to you anymore!"

Pterano fly's forward and scratches at Sierra.

Sierra: "You want her so bad? Here, play catch!"

Sierra lets go of Ducky, and she plummets towards the Great Valley below. Sierra flies off.

Littlefoot: "Ducky!"

Ducky approaches the ground, as Pterano swoops under her at a breakneck speed. Ducky lands gently on Pterano's back.

Ducky: "Oh, thank you, Pterano! Thank you!"

Pterano lands, and Ducky's Mom picks up her little one.

Ducky: "Mommy!"

Ducky's Mom: "Thank you so much, Pterano!"

Rinkus, still watching what's going on, finally decides to speak.

Rinkus: "This isn't over, Pterano! We'll get you back somehow!"

He takes off into the air towards Sierra.

Rinkus: "We'll get back at this whole wretched Valley!"

Pterano: "My, what a couple of brutes!"

Bron: "Good job Topsy!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Well, you know." He turns to Pterano. "Pterano!"

Pterano: Jumping around. "...Yes?"

Mr. Threehorn: "I'm not sure I feel it just yet, but I know everyone else does. You can stay!"

Pterano: "Really?"

Bron: "Of course, Pterano."

Petrie: "Oh, Uncle!" He jumps into Pterano's arms. "Me so happy you back!"

Pterano: "I'm happy too, my favorite little one!"

Professor: Walking out of his cave. "What did I miss?"

Scene: The Great Valley, at night, on the ground near the flyer's nest.

The gang, Petrie's siblings, Petrie's mom, and the Professor are all crowded around Pterano.

Professor: "Oh, so THAT"S what happened.

Littlefoot: "Yep, just like he said."

Pterano: "I do have to say, today was exhilarating!"

Petrie: "Me just happy to be back home!"

Professor: "I'm sorry for what happened earlier, Pterano."

Pterano: "How so?"

Professor: "How I said it was you, when I couldn't really tell."

Pterano: "Well, that's ok...but, you really can't tell us apart?"

Professor: "Not really."

Pterano: "That's really quite strange, you know that? Because I don't look anywhere near as good as my sister!"

Petrie's Mom: Laughs. "Oh, you!

Pterano: "No, I mean it!"

Petrie's Mom: "Anyway, I've got something to do, Bye everyone!" She flies off.

Petrie: "Bye mommy!"

Pterano waves goodbye to his sister, till she's far enough away, then he leans down low to everyone around him.

Pterano: "So, you all ready for that story now?"

Petrie's Sibling #1: Oh boy!"

Littlefoot: "This is gonna be good!"

Professor: "Well, get on with it already! I'm not getting any younger, you know!"

Pterano: "very well then." He clears his throat. "So there I was, being chased by a huge ferocious sharptooth, even bigger than that one from today! He'd put you to shame, Chomper!"

Chomper: "Hey!"

Ducky: "What happened, Pterano?"

Pterano: "I flapped my wings as hard as I could, but he was gaining on me. I could feel his hot breath streaming across my wings!"

Most of the listeners gasp.

Pterano: "Oh, I thought about home at that point. The ONE time I wished I had stayed in my nest. My wings finally gave out, and that beast grabbed me in his claws!" He swoops down his wing, and grabs Petrie.

Petrie: "Ahh!"

Pterano: "He lifted me up to his face. We were looking at each other eye to eye."

Petrie is trembling.

Pterano: "He licked his lips." He licks his lips." He did it Just like that! And do you want to know what happened next?"

Petrie: In a feeble voice. "What?"

Pterano: "Glad you asked, Petrie! He opened his mouth for dinner, when your mother came soaring in from the clouds!"

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Pterano: "I had never been so humbled in my life."

The camera zooms out during the last few lines of dialogue, and the scene fades out.

Pterano: "Don't tell her I said that, though!"

END

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's the Pterano story! Now that he's in the Great Valley, I'm sure he'll be making the occasional appearance.

Next weeks episode will be called "The Most Evil Swimmer"
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on May 20, 2011, 10:13:18 AM
Nice chapter. As always. Pterano was so cool in this episode!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on May 20, 2011, 10:45:17 AM
Alright! Excellent work! I liked the scene where they hit the dead end. It was reminiscent of what happened to the herd back then. It really flowed like a TV episode as well. Your pacing was excellent.

A few grammatical corrections that I saw though (hope you don't mind ^^;):

You use fly's quite a bit, though it should be flies. Apostrophe S indicates possession, like Littlefoot's rock. Fly can't possess something, so it'll be flies.

You also use their a few time when it should be they're. They are the bad flyers. They're the bad flyers. Their generally indicates something that belongs to "them". Their house. Their eggs. Their nest. Ruby with "Their gaining on us" should be "They're gaining on us." :) I think these are tricky though, so I hope I explained it OK. XD

And one last thing. Your and you're. You're is a contraction of you are, your is something "you" own. Your cave. Your tree. Your TV. "So, Chomper is your name?" was correct. Pterano saying "Oh dear, your right" should be "you're right". :)

Hope you don't mind! Was just trying to help you polish up the grammar a bit. Some of those can sometimes be hard. On the good side, you did a GREAT job with the pacing, as I really felt as if I were "watching" a TV show as I read along. Your action was good too. Lots of good twists and turns. You kept it complex and interesting, and made me want to keep reading. You're really good at hooking your reader, I'll say that!

Looking forward to the next one. I wonder who this evil swimmer is. I'd say you already have me hooked.  :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pangaea on May 20, 2011, 02:05:18 PM
Hello again! Well, the good news is, I finally got around to reviewing Episode 1, which, as promised, I have posted here (http://gangoffive.net/index.php?showtopic=9377&view=findpost&p=9236185). I was hoping to review the first chapter of the new season and post it here, but I have places to go today, so I don’t have time this morning.

I feel bad, however: Not only have I taken so long to start reviewing, but I also missed your birthday! :bang As apologies for both, I have left you a little something special in your star day thread that I hope you’ll like. Go over and check it out! ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 21, 2011, 12:51:54 AM
Thanks for the review and the grammar help, Pterano! Yeah, I was going exactly for the herd scene when I wrote that. I wanted people to read it and think "Pterano, NO! What are you doing!?"

And very nice review/critique, Pangaea! I checked, it's almost as long as the episode itself! I didn't think you would find THAT many grammar and punctuation problems, but what do I know. Looks like I'll be re-reediting the first season again, lol. I see what you mean about not really introducing the characters, or having them do anything. I'll be interested when you review the first episode of this season, to see if you think I've improved in any aspects of writing/storytelling. Thanks Pangaea, this review will be a lot of help to me.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 27, 2011, 01:52:13 PM
Um, this week's episode is a little...weird. :lol Let's see if it's good or not. Cookies for the one who names the show and episode I got this idea from!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 16 - The Most Evil Swimmer

EEEEEVVVVVIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

Scene: The Great Valley.

The Gang are practicing for a play, while the Professor and Chomper are a ways away, talking amongst each other. Mr. Thicknose is watching the Gang practice.

Ducky: "Help!"

Ruby: "Grr! Your mine now!"

Ducky: "Oh no no no!"

Cera: "Cut!"

Ducky: "What is wrong, Cera?"

Cera: "You don't look very scared, Ducky. We have to make this look convincing!"

Ducky:" Oh...okay."

Cera: "Let's try this again."

Ducky: "Oh no no no!"

Ruby picks up Ducky, and acts like she's about to eat her. Littlefoot comes bursting out of some bushes.

Littlefoot: "Unhand her, you foul beast!"

Ruby: Fake growls. "So, it's you!"

Ducky: "Thunderfoot, my hero!"

Littlefoot: "That's right! Your terrorizing ways are over, sharptooth!"

Ruby: "Not this time!"

Ducky tries to scream, but it's not very load. She also cuts it off early because she didn't take in enough air.

Cera: "Cut!"

Littlefoot: "What now?"

Cera: "It's Ducky again. She just isn't doing it right!"

Littlefoot: "Well, she's doing the best she can."

Cera: "Well, it's just not good enough! And where is our sharptooth?"

Ruby: "I thought I was the sharptooth, since I was here acting like a sharptooth."

Cera: "No, Chomper's supposed to be our sharptooth, but he's too busy talking to the Professor over there."

Littlefoot: "They've been talking to each other a lot lately."

Cera: "Humpth! This story is going all wrong right now! We'll never have it ready in time!"

Camera pans to the Professor and Chomper.

Professor: He has his communicator set to sharptooth, while he talks quitly with Chomper. <So, how has it been being away from your parents?>

Chomper: <Okay, I guess.>

Professor: <Don't you miss them?>

Chomper: <Of course I do. Everyday. But it isn't so bad, because I have family here!>

Professor: <What do you mean?>

Chomper: <Littlefoot is almost a brother to me. Ruby is my sister, I guess.>

Professor: <Ah, I see. And Topsy's your grouchy old uncle!>

Chomper: <And your my Dad!>

They both laugh.

Chomper: <Still, I miss those days with my real Dad.>

Professor: <Hmm?>

Chomper: <Sometimes we'd spend days away. He'd always say I was getting better at hunting!> He covers his mouth. <Uh, I didn't mean to say that.>

Professor: <It's quite alright, Chomper. I find this kind of stuff so fascinating!>

Chomper: <Really?>

Professor: <Of course!>

Chomper: <I don't want to hunt anyone here.>

Professor: <I know that!>

Chomper: <But still, it'd be nice if I had something a little bigger than ground crawlers around here to eat.>

Professor: <Hmm, Perhaps there is something here for you to eat.>

Chomper: <There is?>

Professor: <Yes, just let me look for some. I'll be back.> He walks off.

Chomper: Waving. <Bye, Professor!>

The camera pans back to the rest of the Gang.

Littlefoot: "I don't want to sound mean either, but you just aren't very good at this, Ducky."

Cera: "We want this to be a good show for the grownups, and your not helping!"

Ducky: "Oh...Okay then." She walks off.

Mr. Thicknose: Walking up to the group. "What did you do that for?"

Cera: "She was making the story awful!"

Mr. Thicknose: "Well, yes, but that's no reason to kick her off of it. How do you think she feels?"

Littlefoot: "I think she's taking it pretty well, don't you think?"

Scene: Close to the swimmer's nest, at night. There's a lightning storm, and rain is falling.

Ducky is standing close to the Watering Hole, looking at her reflection in the water.

Ducky: "The World is not fair. I do so much for them. I get kidnapped for them, I bait sharpteeth for them. I almost get eated for them. I never act like the leader. I always do what some body else wants to do. " She turns around. "But...They do not seem to thank me for it very much. I almost get eated, and Chomper plays a joke on me. And now, they do not let me play with them."

A bolt of lighting streaks across the sky, and Ducky turns back around to look in the water.

Ducky: "Well, who needs them, who does?"

She starts to walk along the banks of the watering hole.

Ducky: "And if they do not act like they want me, then I will not act like I want them, I won't!"

She stops for a moment. An evil smile starts to form on her face.

Ducky: "In fact, maybe they need to be tough a lesson!"

She looks over the water, while another bolt of lightning streaks across the sky behind her.

Ducky: "Tomorrow is going to be fun, Yup...Yup...Yup!"

--------------------------------<Commercial break>------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley, the next morning.

Littlefoot, Ruby, Chomper and Cera are practicing their play again.

Chomper: "You might have beaten me, Thunderfoot, but you're no match for Sapphire!"

Ruby walks up to the other two actors.

Ruby: "That's right, foolish longneck!"

Chomper: Rubbing his stomach, and talking to himself. "Gee, the Professor sure is taking a long time!"

Littlefoot: "I won't let you have her!"

Ruby: "Very well then, let this be our final battle!"

Cera: "Cut!"

Littlefoot: Sighs. "What is it this time?"

Cera: "Where's Ruby's stick?"

Ruby: "Stick? What is this stick you speak off?"

Ducky sticks her head out of a nearby bush. She's thinking to herself.

Ducky: "It was me, friends!"

A small scene shows next to Ducky as she continues. It is of Ducky digging a hole.

Ducky: "It was I who stole that stick. I knew I had to do something with it, so I dug a big whole, and dropped that stick in, yep yep yep! You'll never see your precious stick again! Your little story is ruined, it is!"

Camera pans back to the rest of the Gang. Littlefoot walks over to Ruby, holding another stick in his mouth.

Littlefoot: In a garbled voice. "Here, try this one."

Ruby: "Oh, thank you Littlefoot!"

Ducky gets a look of surprise on her face, and then one of anger.

Ducky: "So, You think you can out smart me? Think again, please do!"

She goes back into the bush.

Scene: The Watering Hole in the Great Valley.

A fish is swimming through the water. It jumps out of the water. It comes up to the surface, when a flyers beak snatches it up. The flyer is Pterano. He flys up from the water, lands on the banks of the pond, and swallows his lunch whole.

Pterano: "Not bad!"

The Professor comes walking in on the old flyer.

Professor: "What are you up to?"

Pterano: "Just a little fishing. It's really quite fun."

Professor: "I used to fish too, you now."

Pterano: "You!?" He chuckles. "How do you even catch any?"

Professor: "With my bare hands, that's how!"

Pterano: "Oh really? Somehow I find that hard to believe!"

Professor: "I'll show you!" He takes his shirt off, and walks over into the water.

Pterano: With a look of shock.. "What did you just do?"

Professor: "Huh? Ah yes, ask the kids about it. They know."

Pterano: "Oh...Okay now."

A fish lazily skims around in the water. The hands of the Professor ram loudly into the water, after the fish, but miss. Pterano gets a smirk and laughs lightly. The Professor goes back for a second time. He misses again, falling over into the water.

Pterano: "Whats this about being good at fishing?"

Professor: "I'm just a little out of practice, that's all."

The professor goes back for a third try. He see's a particularly large fish deeper in the water, and he slowly wades in that direction. He bends down slightly to prepare himself, and lunges his arms in the water after the fish. He grabs the fish, but it pulls him over and under the water. The Professor stick his head out of the water, coughing.

Professor: "This isn't how I remembered it!"

The Professor wades out of the water, and sits down on the banks of the water, next to Pterano. Pterano rolls his eyes.

Professor: "It's no use."

Pterano takes off to the water off screen. Some splashing is heard, and a fish falls out of the sky into the Professor's lap.

Professor: "Huh? Where did this come from?"

Pterano: Landing next to the Professor. "Just a little something for your troubles."

Professor: "Thanks, Pterano!"

The Professor gets up with the fish in his hands, and starts to walk off.

Pterano: "Aren't you going to eat it?"

Professor: "It's not for me. It's for a friend!"

Pterano: Whispering to himself. "What a weird little thing that creature is."

Scene: The Great Valley, in the afternoon.

Littlefoot and Cera are practicing yet again. Ali and the Professor are watching. Chomper walks up to the Professor.

Chomper: "Hey, thanks for the fish!"

Professor: "Don't mention it! I got the idea after watching Pterano a few days ago. I didn't know anyone in the Valley fished like that."

Chomper: "You'll have to teach me how to catch one sometime."

Professor: "That would be great. But, right now we need to get back to the story!"

Cera: "Places, everyone!"

Littlefoot runs off, while Chomper runs up to the camera.

Chomper: "Now that I have her where I want her, it's time for dinner!"

Littlefoot: "Not this time!"

Chomper: "Thunderfoot!"

Littlefoot: "You won't get away with this!"

Chomper: "Nonsense! I've got her now!"

Chomper tries to reach behind him at Ruby, but no one is there. He falls over instead.

Chomper: "Hey, where's Ruby?"

Cera: "Humpth! How should I know!"

Littlefoot: "She was supposed to be back after lunch."

A little ways in the distance, Ducky sticks her head out from behind a rock.

Ducky: "I really have to hand it to myself, I do! This was my best plan yet!"

A scene of Ruby relaxing in some mud shows up next to Ducky's head.

Ducky: "Let me see, I led Ruby away from everyone else, and said she could relax in the hot mud! That stuff does something to you, yes it does. She is probably still in there, without a care in the world! She must have forgot all about that little story, yup!"

Professor: Looking at some papers. "What are we supposed to do? I wrote a damsel in distress into the script!"

Ducky: "Your little story cannot go on without someone there to be in trouble, no no no!"

Ali: "Could I be the girl that's in trouble?"

Cera: "I don't think..."

Littlefoot: "Well sure you can, that's a great idea!"

Ducky turns and sits down with her back to the rock.

Ducky: "Ali, you are a sly one, you are! But, I will not let this stop me. No, I will just have to try harder."

She sits there, thinking for a moment, then gets back up.

Ducky: "I know!" She laughs evily. "Oh Ducky, that is just horrible, it is!"

--------------------------------<Commercial break>------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley, the next day, close to the Watering hole.

Littlefoot, Cera, Ali and Chomper are about to finish up the story, with the Professor here to look at how it's going.

Professor: "Alright, here's the new draft of the story script." He tries to shove papers in Littlefoot's face.

Littlefoot: "Professor, you know I can't read, right?"

Professor: "Oh, then maybe you should learn sometime! Anyway, this script is about the same as the last one really."

Cera: "We gonna run through it already?"

Ducky walks up to the gang, with a slightly evil smirk on her face. Nobody seems to notice.

Ducky: "Hello, my friends!"

Cera: "Hey"

Chomper: "Hi, Ducky!"

Ducky: "So, I hear you are about to practice at the story again, right?

Ali: "That's right, Ducky. I think we really almost have it down this time!"

Ducky: "Well, just before you start, would you want to come see something?"

Littlefoot: "Sure. I mean I guess so."

Cera: "What is it?"

Ducky: "Something that will be fun. Yup...yup...yup. Very fun...for me."

Littlefoot: "Ducky, are you talking kind of weird?"

Ducky: "No, I always talk like this. Now, this way!"

Ducky leads the Gang to two trees that are dragged over and tied down.

Ducky: "Just stand right here, my little friends!"

Cera: "Who are you calling little?"

The Gang try to stand at the stop Ducky points at, but they don't get close enough.

Ducky: "No no no! You are doing it all wrong!

Littlefoot: "What do you mean, Ducky?"

Ducky: "You have to stand-"

Ducky steps on her own trap, and gets flinged into the air.

Ducky: "-HHHEEEEERRRRREEE!"

Ducky lands in the water.

Chomper: "Ducky! Are you alright?"

Ducky: "Oh, I give up, I do."

Littlefoot: "Give up? At what?"

Ducky: "At being evil."

Ali: "Evil?"

Littlefoot: "But, you're such a nice swimmer!"

Ducky: "Yeah, I know."

Chomper: "Is some of the Professor rubbing off on you?"

The Professor Laughs maniacally.

Ducky: "It is just, You really made me angry when you kicked me out of the story."

Cera: "Well, you was a stinker!"

Littlefoot: "Cera!"

Cera: "Just telling it how it is, Littlefoot."

Ducky: "Well, I guess I will be going back to my nest now." She turns around and starts to walk away.

Littlefoot: "Hey, wait up a second Ducky!"

Ducky turns around, and slowly walks up close to Littlefoot.

Ducky: "What is it, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "Maybe we COULD use you in the story."

Ducky: "Really? As who?"

Littlefoot: "The bad guy!"

Ducky: "But, I just told you, I am not good at being bad."

Littlefoot: "But you are good at pretending you are bad, and that's just what we need!"

Professor: Pulls a paper and pencil out of his backpack, and sighs. "Looks like I'll be re-writing the whole script...for the tenth time."

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle, at nighttime.

Grownups are crowded around the meeting circle, murmuring among themselves.

Ducky's Mom: "I wonder what they came up with this time?"

Grandma Longneck: "I heard something about what your little one will do."

Ducky's Mom: "Really?"

Mr. Thicknose walks up to the front of the group.

Mr. Thicknose: "Welcome, everyone, to another story telling night! When Grandpa Longneck passed on, storytelling night was never the same, But it hasn't been all bad! Ever since then, the kids have decided to step up, and do a little story telling of their own! Tonight, we have a very different story, about a swimmer whose a little...dare I say, evil? Hope you all enjoy it!

Mr. Thicknose walks off from in front of the grownups, while Ali walks up.

Ali: "Ah, What a glorious day for a stroll! I think I'll go look for a snack."

Ali walks over to a conveniently placed pile of treestars, while Ducky walks up. She keeps her distance from Ali.

Ducky: "Heh heh heh, That is the longneck I have been looking for, it is!"

Chomper: Walking up next to Ducky. "Can I have it, boss?"

Ducky: "Quiet you! You cannot have her, at least not yet. There is some... information I want from her first. Catch her, but do not harm her...yet. Is that clear, is it?"

Chomper: "Yes, boss!"

Chomper runs over and tackles Ali.

Ali: "Ahh! Sharptooth!"

Ali stays on the ground, while Chomper holds his arms around her neck.

Ali: "What's going on?"

Ducky walks up to Ali.

Ducky: "Ah, it is good to see you again, my little friend!"

Ali: "No, it can't be!"

Ducky: "Oh, but it can, oh yes it can!"

Ali: "Evil Professor Ducky! But, I thought you were gone!"

Ducky: "It does take more than a rock slide to take out a evil swimmer! Now, tell me how you got here!"

Ali: "I can't say that!"

Chomper: "It'd be a good idea to tell her, you know!"

Ducky: "I will ask you again. How did you get here?"

Littlefoot charges up to the group proudly.

Littlefoot: "Not this time, Professor!"

Professor: Waking up. "Wha? Was someone talking?"

Ducky: "Thunderfoot! Here to stop me again, I see."

Littlefoot: "Leave this Valley! Your antics aren't welcomed here."

Ducky: "Like I would listen to you, yup. Chomps! Give our little guess, Thunderfood, a good welcome."

Chomper: "My pleasure, boss!"

Chomper charges at Littlefoot, but Littlefoot shifts his weight, and Chomper bounces off.

Ducky: "It is my turn, It is!"

Ducky charges at Littlefoot, and Littlefoot does the same. Littlefoot knocks Ducky aside, and keeps going, crashing into Mr. Threehorn.

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! Kids!"

Tria starts to laugh, then the rest of the grownups start to laugh.

Grandma Longneck: "Bravo!"

The grownups continue to laugh, and this infectious laugh gets the Gang laughing as well. The camera pans out, and fades out.

END

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next week's episode will be called "The Little Leafeater and the Little Biter". This one will be bringing in the tinysauruses.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on May 27, 2011, 02:34:52 PM
Well, this was certainly an interesting episode. XD I don't know what your inspiration was, unfortunately, so I guess I don't get any cookies :( Well let's see... I wrote down a few things so... *references notes*

OK, your "yours" and "you'res" are looking quite good.  :DD There are two instances in the beginning where you got mixed up though. Chomper saying "your my dad" should be "You're" as it's you are my dad, a contraction :) And then Cera saying "your not helping" to Ducky once again should be "you're" as you are not helping. :) But other than that, looking very clean and tidy with the "yours" and "you'res". Great improvement from last time!  :DD *two thumbs up*

When Ducky says she's going to teach them a lesson, I assume you meant to say "taught" instead of "tough". :)

And Ducky also dug a big "hole" with the stick, not a "whole". :)

When Pterano snatches the fish, it should be "flyer's" and not "flyers" as it's not plural, it's Pterano's beak. It belongs to him so thus it should be flyer with an apostrophe S, as it's possessive. :)

In the middle, with the fishing scene, you tend to use water a lot. I'd try and mix it up a little so that I wasn't repeating myself too much with the same word. Try "the pond" or "the lake" or "the liquid" or whatever, just so you don't use water over and over again. :)

And also with the water scene, the professor "sees" a large fish, not "see's" a large fish, as see doesn't possess or own anything. :)

Ducky is "flung" into the air, not "flinged", as flung is the past tense of fling. :)

Mr. Thicknose at the end saying "whose" should be "who's" as it's a contraction of who and is. Whose is more possessive, like "whose egg did I just take?" Or "whose car was that?"

In the play itself, Littlefoot should say "not welcome here" instead of welcomed, as he's speaking in present tense. :)

And I think Ducky was saying "guest" instead of "guess" at the end. :)

You're looking a lot cleaner too with your "theirs" "theres" and "they'res". I don't think I saw any that were incorrect.  :DD

OK... so now that those grammatical corrections are out of the way, on to what I thought of the story itself!

I thought it was a little surreal, but at the same time, I think you made it work pretty well. There were some humorous bits in there, and parts that made me smile. I particularly liked how Ducky tries to speak up and ask for the role of the damsel in distress, and the SECOND that Ali asks if she can do it, Littlefoot cuts in with yeah! I like that idea! It really seemed like something he'd say in that particular situation, so well done on that. XD

Also the fishing scene was good too. The professor getting into the ageless antics of trying to catch a fish with his bare hands.

I liked too how Chomper went around naming the parts of his "family." It shows how he's really developed during his stay in the Great Valley, and now I can see why you like Ruby so much, as I wasn't entirely sure at first what sort of relationship you saw the two of them having, but I can definitely see Ruby being a type of foster sister to Chomper. :) From what I know of her, she really is like that to the gang, a sort of older guiding "hand" in a way.

For a TV show episode, it started off a little dreamlike for me, with Ducky going this whole "evil" route thing, and I must say Ducky was probably my LAST guess as to who the most evil swimmer was, but I think you pulled it off well in your writing, and didn't make it very unbelievable or anything like that. This just seems SO familiar to me, and I probably HAVE seen the TV show episode you're referencing, but I can't really think of it at the moment. XD I could be bold and make a guess, but I'm not feeling very courageous at the moment. XD

So yeah, not bad at all, vonboy. :) Here's to next week's episode. :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on May 27, 2011, 06:44:06 PM
Yeah, not bad at all. Now that it has Pterano in it.  :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on May 28, 2011, 12:24:19 AM
Quote from: vonboy,Mar 19 2011 on  01:17 AM
Episode 1 - The Farwalker

Scene: The solar system.

Narrator: "A long, long time ago..."

An asteriod fly's by.

Narrator: "Before man, or wolf, or bird..."

Zooming in to the solar system. Earth comes in to view. It is still in it's very early form. magma covering much of it's surface.

Narrator: "When the earth was still in it's infancy..."

The earth cools down, water forms and seperates the land.

Narrator: "In this land that looked very different from our own."

Camera zooms in on the Earth. It zips through clouds, and the Great Valley comes into view from overhead. It is night time.

Narrator: "lived great, wonderous creatures who were very different from the creatures we know of today."

The Camera whips around some. There are no creatures to be seen.

Narrator: "Hey, whats going on? Oh, it's nighttime. How could they mess THIS up? Well, anyway, take my word for it. Now then, In a time before a single human ever walked apon this Earth..."

in a field in the Great valley, A blue light appears, with a sort of wooshing sound.

Narrator: "Oh what now?"

After a moment, a human steps out of the light, and The light subsides.

Narrator: "What in the world is this guy doing here? Hello?

The human checks a device strapped to his arm, and says something in a an unknown language. The human sounds like an ape when he says it. He then walks off into a forested area.

Narrator: "Forget it, Just forget it. I quit!"

Scene fades out to next.

Scene: The next morning, in the Great Valley. The sleeping dinosaurs are beginning to wake up. Scene moves to a group of sleeping longnecks. An old one, a middle aged one that's already awake, And two that are still young and waking up.

Littlefoot: Almost jumps up from his sleep. "No!" He breaths heavily.

Bron: "Morning littlefoot. Did you have another scary sleep story?"

Littlefoot: "Yes. It's the same one I've been having for days. I see Grandpa longneck walking out of the great valley. I try to make him stay, but he just says that his time has come. I can't bear to see him leave, because I know I"ll never see him again. Then I wake up." A tear streams down his face.

Grangma Longneck: Waking up "It's alright. I know it must have been hard on you, but you'll feel better eventually. You have to remember the good times."

Littlefoot: I think I'm feeling a little better now, I'll go see if any of my friends are awake yet." He walks off some, but turns his head around. "Oh, wait, Do you want to play, Shorty?"

Shorty: "Not really. I'd like to play some by myself today."

Littlefoot: Well, ok. Bye!" He leaves the other longnecks.

Scene: Several Threehorms sleeping close by to the longnecks.

Littlefoot: Walks up to Cera "Hey, are you awake?"

Cera: rustles on the ground and finally gets up. "I am now!" With a mean look on her face. "What's going on. Why'd you have to wake me up?"

Littlefoot: "Well, I was feeling lonely, and I wanted to start playing something."

Cera: "Well, alright. I guess if you want to, I'll join."

Littlefoot: "Lets get the rest of the gang together!"

Ducky: Walks up to Littlfoot and Cera "Hey, I heard you wanted to play something."

Cera: in a slightly annoyed voice "Well, YOU"RE up early!"

Spike Walks behind the other three and starts eating from a fern.

Ducky: Smiles. "Yup yup yup, us swimmers always get up early!"

Littlefoot: "Well, lets go."

The group Starts walking off. Spike Sighs and reluctantly follows.

Scene: A flyer nest on the side of a cliff. There is a mother flyer and 5 young ones. They are all asleep.

Ducky: Climbs over the crest of the cliff to the nest and shakes Petrie. "Hey, wake up petrie!"

Petrie: Jumps up. "AHHH!" Calms down a bit. "Ducky, You no scare me like that!"

Ducky: "I'm sorry Petrie. You just need to wake up. The day is here, and There is games to be played, there is!"

Petrie: Me love games! What we play today?"

Littlefoot: Yelling from the ground to be heard. "I know just the game!"

Scene: A grassy field. The Gang of Five are playing a game that resembles soccer with a hard pointy seed. The human from before is in some foliage nearby observing a fully grown Threehorm and Longneck eating treestars.

Littlefoot: kicks the pointy seed. "Here I come!"

Cera: Runs up and tries to block Littlefoot. Littlefoot dodges and continues on. "Darn, I'll get you littlefoot!"

Petrie: flies towards Littlefoot. He is holding Ducky in his claws. "Here we come!"

Ducky: Grabs the pointy seed while it is in the air "Aha. I Got it, Petrie!"

Littlefoot: Gives chase. "Hey! Come back here!"

Mr. Threehorn: "They sure are loud and annoying!"

Bron: "Oh, it's not that bad. They are just having some fun. And didn't you play this game when you were young?"

Mr.Threehorm: "Well, yes. But I wasn't as bad at it as they are!"

Bron: With a sarcastic expression. "oh really!"

Littlefoot is running furiously. He is gaining on Petrie and Ducky.

Ducky: looking a little worried "Fly faster Petrie!"

Petrie: "Me trying!"

Spike sees that everyone else is coming up on him very quickly. He starts to look worried. He closes his eyes and prepares for the impact.

Just as Cera is about to tactle Littlefoot, and Littlefoot is about to catch the flying pair, All four of them crash into spike. Spike is not enough to stop them, and whole gang flies into the foliage the human was hiding in. Littlefoot ends up on top of the human, and their eyes meet. Littlefoot and the human Simultaneously yell.

-----------------------------<Commercial break>--------------------------------

Littlefoot jumps off of the human and runs. The human gets up and runs away in a different direction. The rest of the gang see the human and run away with Littlefoot.

Mr.Threehorn: Sees the human close to the kids and runs over. "Hey! What are you doing here!?"

Bron: Follows Mr. Threehorn. "Whats going on?"

The Gang of Five run up to the adults, and the adults stop running to tend to them.

Bron: "Are you ok?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, I think so"

Mr.Threehorn: "Did that...Thing scare you kids?"

Cera: It didn't scare me, daddy! I just followed everyone else to make sure they were ok!"

Petrie: "Anybody see where strange thing go?"

Bron: " I didn't. I was more concerned for you're safety."

Mr.Threehorn: "Looks like we'll have to drive that thing out of the Great Valley!"

Bron: "Now hold on a second. Shouldn't we think this through? I'll call the other grownups together for a meeting."

Mr.Threehorn: "Ok, but let's make it quick. We might not have much time!"

Bron: "Ok." Turns to kids. "Kids, be careful. Stay away from that thing, and if you see that it again, call for help."

Littlefoot: "ok, dad. I will."

Bron and Mr.Threehorn leave.

Littlefoot: Turns to the Gang. "Lets go find that thing again, I want to see it!"

Petrie: Shocked. "WHAT!? Are you crazy?!"

Ducky: "I do not think that is a good idea, no no no."

Cera: "That thing might be dangerous. It could have been a sharptooth!"

Littlefoot: "No, it wasn't a sharptooth."

Cera: "How do YOU know, longneck?"

Littlefoot: "I got a good look at that thing. It didn't have a big mouth, and it's teeth didn't look very sharp to me. It also didn't have any claws."

Petrie: "Me still no wanna look for it!"

Ducky: "Petrie is right. It still might be dangerous."

Littlefoot: "Well I don't believe you. I think we could become friends with it!"

Spike rolls his eyes and sighs. He walks off to start eating again.

Petrie: "Good idea, spike. Me hungry too!"

Cera: "Yeah, I could use a bite to eat too."

Ducky: "Me three!"

Everyone leaves Littlefoot. He stands there to think for a moment, and then replies to everyone else.

Littlefoot: "Well fine. I'll look for that thing myself!" He runs off.

Scene: The meeting Circle. All of the Grownups are huddled there, debating what to do about the newcomer.

Ducky's Mom: "Well, what did that thing look like?"

Mr.Threehorn: "Hideous. I've never seen anything like it before. It was mostly white, but it had fuzzy stuff on it's head like those little annoying fuzzies.

Petrie's Mom: "Wow, that does sound hidious! I've never even heard of a creature like that before!"

Mr.Threehorn: "That's why we must drive it out of the Great Valley!"

Bron: "Now hold on a second. I remember this Valley being open to everyone. Do any of you remember? This Valley used to be a safe haven for those looking for refuge from vicious Sharpteeth! Have you all forgotten this already?"

Tria: "Good point, Bron."

Mr.Threehorn: "But Tricia, how do we know this creature isn't a sharptooth?"

The debate turns into inconprehensible rabling from everyone. Scene fades to the next Scene.

Scene: Littlefoot is walking through a forest in the Great Valley looking for the human.

Littlefoot: "Come out you thing. Please come out. You don't have to be scared, I won't bite." Looks around some more and begins to become discouraged. Then he sees the human.

The human is sitting next to a watering hole, Cleaning his face and getting a drink of water as well. Littlefoot tries to sneak up on him, but he snaps a twig. The human snaps his head behind him, sees the dinosaur, and starts running away. Littlefoot gives chase.

Littlefoot: "Wait, I won't hurt you!"

Littlefoot chases the human into a cave. The human reaches a dead end, and turns around, Looking horrified. Littlefoot starts to nudge towards the human.

------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

The human, Seeing no other way out, starts messing around wildly with the device on his arm. He also starts to talk. His voice starts changing. From an ape voice, to a dolphin, then a bear, and then to a dog. He then suddenly lets out a loud sharptooth roar.

littlefoot: Steps back momentarily, looking confused, then starts coming near again. "Just what ARE you anyway?"

Human: Sweat pours down his face as he continues to mess with the device. Suddenly, he lets out an audible voice. "Wait, Stop!"

Littlefoot: "you can talk?"

Human: "Please, I mean no harm!"

Littlefoot: "Calm down, I won't hurt you."

Human: Tries for a few moments to calm down, and then replies "You won't?"

Littlefoot: Starts to laugh "No, how could I hurt you?"

Human: "Well, good. It's just I was found out, and then you chased me. I didn't know what I was going to do."

Littlefoot: Turns his attention to the humans arm. "Hey, whats that thing you were messing with?"

Human: "Oh, This old thing? Hehehe, I don't think you would understand. Lets just say it helps me talk to you."

Littlefoot: "That makes sense, I guess. Well, I'm Littlefoot, who are you?"

Human: "Um, I'm a professor.

Littlefoot: "Professor? That is a silly name!"

Human: "Huh? oh, that's not my n" He stops and thinks for a moment, then changes his response. "Well, yes. I suppose that is a pretty silly name."

Littlefoot: "where are you from, professor?"

Professor: thinks carefully, then answers. "Somewhere far away. I'm sure you've never heard of the place."

LittleFoot: "Hm, you've come from a far away place? Are you a farwalker?"

Professor: "Yeah, I guess I am. I travel around studying new places and people. I just want to learn about the world."

Littlefoot: "That sounds very exciting! Um, What kind are you?"

Professor: "What do you mean what kind?"

Littlefoot: "Well, I'm a longneck."

Professor: "Oh, I thought you were a Brontasaurus."

Littlefoot: "Whats that?"

Professor: "Well, It's what my kind calls longnecks, We have names for other dinosaurs too. Now, about me. I'm a Human.

Littlefoot: "Hu-man? That sounds almost as silly as your name! By the way, do you want to meet my friends?"

Professor: "I guess so, are they friendly?"

Littlefoot: "well, sure they are! Come on."

Littlefoot and the professor leave the cave and goes off to look for the Gang.

Scene: The rest of the gang are around some foliage enjoying a nice lunch.

Littlefoot: Hey guys, Come meet my new friend!"

The Gang turn to see Littlefoot and the Professor. They start start to look worried. Ducky drops the sweet bubbles in here hand.

Professor: "Yellow!"

Ducky: Suddenly looses her worried look and walks up to the human. "Hello. I guess you do not look that scary after all, yup yup yup!"

Littlefoot: "His name is Professor, and he's a farwalker."

Petrie: "That sounds nice. Hi Professor!"

Cera: "I'm still not so sure."

Littlefoot: "So sure of what?"

Cera: "That he's friendly. You'll have to prove yourself, farwalker!"

Littlefoot: "Cera! Be nice!"

Professor: "oh well, I guess some people are just more afraid of other people."

Cera: getting angry "Who are you calling afraid!? I am just looking out for my friends!"

Professor: "Hold on a second, I'm sorry Cera."

Cera: "well, ok. But don't let it happen again!"

Littlefoot: "Hey professor, you should see the grownups!"

Professor: looking worried. "Grownups?"

Littlefoot: Yeah, we should show our parents that you're actually friendly!"

Petrie: "That good idea!"

Ducky: "yes, lets go!"

Scene: All of the grownups are still around the meeting circle, arguing about what to do with the newcomer.

Mr.Threehon: "Come on, let's get rid of it already!"

Bron: "hold on, please. We can't jump to conclusions. We should meet this thing face to face and see if it's friendly or not."

Mr.Threehorn: "Thats crazy, Someone could get hurt!"

The Gang and the professor walk up the the grownups.

Littlefoot: "Hey dad, look! That thing is actually nice, look!"

Bron: "looks at the professor, then at littlefoot "Littlefoot, what did you do? You disobayed me. I told to not go after that thing!"

Littlefoot: lowering his head in shame "I'm sorry dad, but I found out he's friendly. Please, say hi to Professor!"

Professor: Waves hand shyly. "oowehehe!"

Mr.Threehorn: "What are you? A sharptooth?"

Professor: "Um, no. I'm a farwalker. I came here to study new places and people."

Bron: "Well, it's good to meet you Professor. Do you need anything?"

Professor: "Well, I am very hungry"

Bron:"Is that all? Well, have some delicious treestars!"

Proffesor: "No, I can't eat that."

Mr.threehorn: "What? Are you a Meat-eater?" He takes a step towards the professor.

Proffesor: He thinks for a moment, then lies. "No, I don't eat any meat. What about that fruit in the tree?"

Bron: "You mean this treesweet?" He pulls the treesweet off the tree and gives it to the professor."

Professor: Sinks his teeth into the treesweet. "Mmm, delicious!."

Bron: Turns back to littlefoot. "Now, don't think I forgot about you. You still disobeyed me, so you must be punished! You can't play with your friends tomorrow."

Littlefoot: Lowers his head in shame again. "OK dad. I'm sorry."

Everyone begins to disperse. The Gang stays with the professor.

Cera: "Well, I guess you're not THAT bad."

Professor: "I'm glad you've had a change of heart Cera. Maybe we can get to know each other."

Littlefoot: "Well, you can play with us...Um...I mean my friends tomorrow."

Proffesor: "That could be fun. See you all later!"

The gang (minus littlefoot) leaves, and Littlefoot goes to talk to his Grandma.

Professor: Wipes his head, breaths a sigh of relief and talks to himself. "Well, I'm glad I got somebody to like me here. I hated That world I came from. It was going down the tubes." Turns around and looks around the Great Valley. "Anyway, I think I'll like it here!" He walks off.

END
Well here's my review of your first chapter. Wow, staring at this white on black font makes my eyes go crazy after awhile, especially at night, but I managed to push through it.

Vonboy, I don't know why, but this episode of yours is one of my favorites. You really just captured the essence of the series in this opener I think. I never really get sick of reading this. The second read through was just as enjoyable as the first. I think what it is that does it for me is you have a strong hook at the start, getting the reader's interest (or at least mine) with Littlefoot's dream of his grandfather's metaphorical death. He's already passed on, but it's still haunting Littlefoot, and I rather liked that. It's an emotional scene that draws you in, and keeps you hooked.

You also get very high marks on your dialogue in this chapter. It's fantastic, and really reminds me of the characters themselves. It doesn't sound forced or fake or anything. It flows just as naturally as if they were really speaking. Sure, there are a few clunky bits here and there, but overall, they don't serve as too much of a stumbling block for the rest of the dialogue, and I think you really outdid yourself here on this episode.

Your grammar is actually pretty good here, though there are a few spelling errors that become obvious (such as your capitalizing letters that shouldn't be capitalized, i.e. "And" when the sentence hadn't ended yet and thus didn't call for caps), but as I don't really see any of these mistakes in your later episodes, I don't think they need much touching on, because you've shown improvement as you've gone on, and don't really make these mistakes anymore.

I guess the only grammatical thing that stuck out at me that I found worth commenting on was "it's". This is really confusing in English, because normally, apostrophes denote possession or contractions. In it is's case, it's is just a contraction, being it is, and does not indicate possession. "Its" is usually for everything else that isn't "it is". Its house, its car, its phone, whatever. "Its" indicates something that belongs to "it". But "it's a flyer, it's a bridge, it's a statue" etc for contractions of "it is." However, you don't seem to have this problem later on, so chances are that once again, you've improved on that.

So yeah, I don't think I'll really brush on your errors much, as generally, you don't repeat them later on in your series. I've always liked this episode, and I still do. Nicely done. It's one of your best I think.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 28, 2011, 11:15:17 AM
Thanks for reading it Trulyfantasticme! I do want to warn you though, that Pterano won't be in every episode. Actually, I don't think he'll be in the next few at all. I only worked him into yesterday's episode because I needed a B-plot, and he worked well in that case. I DO have a Pterano/Petrie focused episode planned for late this season, so look out for that one!

Thanks for the reviews Pterano! It's nice having someone actually doing critical analyses on my work, though you still have a long way to go before your Pangaea! :p  I kind of knew you'd find a lot of grammar problems in yesterday's episode, since I kind of rushed it out so it wouldn't be late. I didn't proofread as much as I should have. Glad you like that episode too. I didn't know how people would react to Ducky being evil for an episode, though I tried to do it in a believable way. It was a LOT of fun writing evil Ducky dialogue!  :DD

One thing about my first season, is that those aren't like they were when I first posted them. Especially the first few were a lot worse at first, but I've gone through and edited them several times. If you look back at the post dates, you'll notice I was posting about 3 of them a week for a month. I was really rushing them out back then, and only later going back to fix them. I'm kind of hoping I won't have to go back and edit these new ones any.

If you looked in the "Members Meeting the Characters", you'll notice theres a new young fast biter OC that I'll have in episode 19. I'm really enjoying writing that episode, and I think it'll end up being a good Chomper focused episode.

That's it for now, I guess.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on May 28, 2011, 11:50:14 AM
No problem! It's a pleasure to do so! I guess I'm not going as in depth as Pangaea because one: you have him doing that, and two: I know that not everyone likes to have a complete dissection of their works, so I try to just do what I can, and point out some stuff that sticks out at me. If you would prefer me to go really in depth though, I could. I guess I'll leave that up to you, as I like having a balance in my reviews. Though I guess then again, if you write something for public eyes, you're expecting criticism as well as praise, so yeah. I'll still leave it as your call though. :)

I kinda figured that you had edited your earlier work, as you were doing quite well with it and it really didn't resemble what I would expect out of a first fanfiction.  :lol But, all the same, you really did brush it up and make it look good. Aside from the spelling errors (and the capitalization), your grammar was pretty good, and your dialogue was really good. I guess the end felt a little "clunky" as I described it earlier, but then again, you're writing for a 20-25 minute episode, and you have to make everything fit into that context. Sometimes it's unavoidable to rush things. Still, your beginning and middle bits were very strong I thought, and the dialogue flowed very well.

Ahhh good, a Chomper focused episode soon! Sounds like something that will be worth the wait!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 28, 2011, 12:08:53 PM
It's good. make them however long you feel is good, or however long you feel comfortable with I guess. And yeah, Pangaea has the beating to death dissections covered :b

And thanks again for doing them, Pterano. I really appreciate it  :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on May 28, 2011, 02:34:11 PM
This a great story Vonboy  :D I can't wait to read what happens when the Tinysaurs get meet The Professor  :DD  :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 29, 2011, 09:39:27 PM
Actually, this weeks episode is gonna be pretty Chomper centric as well. I hope people don't mind me focusing on him so much. He's my favorite character after all, and there is so much I can do with him.

And thanks Joshua! Glad to see your still following the show :D
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 01, 2011, 08:41:51 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Mar 19 2011 on  12:58 PM
Episode 2 - The Sharptoothed Menace

Scene: The Great Valley, in the morning. Littlefoot sitting at his nest.

Littlefoot: sighs. "today hasn't been very fun. Actually, it's been pretty lonely.

Shorty: Walks up to littlefoot "hey Littlefoot, How goes it?"

Littlefoot: "Ok, I guess"

Shorty: "you don't sound ok."

Littlefoot: "Well, I'm just kind of lonely."

Shorty: "Yeah, I'm lonely too. You wanna talk?"

Littlefoot: "Sure, It'll be something to do for today."

Scene: Cera and Ducky walking in a forest in the Great Valley, playing hide and seek with their friends.

Ducky: "Hide and seek sure is fun, yup yup yup!"

Cera: "It'd be more fun with Littlefoot here."

Ducky: "oh, it is not too bad. He will get to play with us tomorrow, he will."

Cera: "Yeah, I guess your right. Hey, What about the Professor? I thought he was going to play today.

Ducky: "He said he wanted to do some exploring in the Great Valley, but I did not want to explore with him, that would be boring. I have seen it all already."

Cera: "Oh, I get it." Turns to treetops "And I can see you up there, Petrie!"

Petrie: Falls out of the tree onto the ground. "Oh no! Me thought me had good hiding spot!"

Cera: "You'll have to try harder next time, Flyer. Maybe you forgot who your playing against!"

Ducky: "Cera is good at finding things, she is!"

Scene: The outskirts of the Great Valley, The professor is out exploring and getting acquainted with his surroundings. He touches a big fern leaf in his hands and examines it.

Professor: "Hmm, an almost tropical climate. Very interesting that this area was so different 100 million years ago. Much nicer than my time. Everything isn't dieing." He walks some and looks out at the Great Valley walls. "This is a really big valley. Quite remarkable. It seems all of the dinosaurs living here are herbivorous. This place seems like a haven for them. A place with no predators."

A shadow rushes through the woods behind the professor, The professor hears the rustling and turns his head to see the shadow.

Professor: "Now what is that? One of those dinosaurs trying to play hide and seek with me or something?" He shrugs it off, and returns to his studies.

Scene: Back at the longneck nest. Littlefoot and Shorty are still talking.

Littlefoot: "So how is it like living here?"

Shorty: "It's great! It's very different living in one place now. I used to travel with Bron and his herd all over the place when we were farwalkers."

Littlefoot: "yeah. Being a farwalker sounds great. But it's also dangerous."

Shorty: "Yes it was, But I do kind of miss getting to have adventures."

Littlefoot: "you can still have adventures here, with me and my friends!"

Shorty: "Really?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, it isn't as boring here as you think. We go out on adventures all the time!" He thinks a little, and adds. "...But don't tell Bron I said that!"

Shorty: "Hahaha. Oh, Alright, I won't."

Scene: Professor at the outskirts of the Great Valley, close to the Secret Caves.

The shadowy figure moves again. This time, The Professor looks worried.

Professor: "A Dinosaur wouldn't be that sneaky, unless....Unless it's hunting."

Suddenly, the figure jumps out of the foliage. It's a young T-Rex sharptooth. The Sharptooth roars at the professor.

-----------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Sharptooth: Roaring at the Professor in the Sharptooth launguage. <Who are you?>

The professor can't understand the Sharptooth. He takes a step back.

Sharptooth: He takes a step towards the Professor. <I said who are you? Don't play dumb with me, I know you can speak Sharptooth! Answer me!>

Professor: Whispering to himself. "Whats he just standing there for?"

Sharptooth: <Fine, have it your way!> He charges at the Professor.

Professor: Running away from the Sharptooth and saying under his breath "And I thought this place was safe!" He finds a large stick with a particularly sharp pointed end, and grabs it. "This should help!".

The professor turns around to the Sharptooth, and shows the stick. The sharptooth doesn't appear to be intimidated by the stick, And continues advancing. The Professor tries several strikes at him, but he only seems a little annoyed from the strikes. the Sharptooth takes a swipe at the Professor And manages to barely connect and rip his shirt. The professor Starts running away again.

Professor: "No, this can't be happening to me!"

Scene: Cera, Ducky, And Petrie are still playing hide and seek. They are looking for Spike.

Cera: "hm, Wheres Spike? We've all been looking for awhile. I'm ready to play something else!"

Ducky: "Oh, we'll find him soon, do not worry."

Petrie: Sees Spike in some dense foliage, eating it. "There he is!"

All three of them run over and tackle Spike. Spike looks kind of annoyed. He makes a little roar to show his dissatisfaction.

Cera: "He sure is good at this game!"

Ducky: Starting to laugh. "I don not think he was playing. I think he was just eating!"

Petrie: "You right, he just hungry!"

Suddenly Ruby comes running up to the group, looking worried.

Ducky: "Hey Ruby! Nice to see you back from seeing your family."

Ruby: "It was great, Seeing my family again was Really great! But...Have you seen Chomper around?

Cera: "Nope, Haven't seen him anywhere. I thought he was with you."

Ruby: "well, he was. But we came back kind of late last night, and went right to sleep in the caves. This morning, I woke up, and he wasn't there."

Petrie: "Maybe he hungry like Spike"

Cera: "I hope he isn't craving threehorn soup, haha!"

Ducky: "yeah, I hope so too, yup yup yup!"

Ruby: "Well, I'm worried about him. Remember how I'm supposed to protect him? Hey, do you want to help me look for him?"

Cera: "I've already been playing hide and seek all day!"

Ducky: "Oh, come on. let's help Ruby. Chomper might need help!"

Cera: sighs. "Fine."

The Gang leaves to help Ruby search for Chomper.

Scene: Outskirts of the Great Valley. The sharptooth is still chasing the Professor.

The Professor runs some more, and gets another idea. He turns around, And with all his strength, He plunges the pointy end of the stick into the side of the sharptooth. The sharptooth Roars out in pain. The professor steps back and gets a smug smile on his face. Then The sharptooth grabs the stick with his mouth, pulls it out, and snaps it in his teeth.

Professor: "Wah oh!"

The Sharptooth chases the Professor to a cliff on one end of the Great Valley. It's a dead end, and the Professor is trapped.

Professor: "I didn't think I'd go like this!" He then screams at the top of his lungs. "HELP!"

Scene: Littlefoot and Shorty are still chatting.

Shorty: "Well, I think I'm going to like it here!

Littlefoot: "That is good to hear. You didn't sound like that that the first time you visited here."

Shorty: "oh, yeah, I remember! I was scared of Chomper the first time I saw him."

Littlefoot: "You couldn't believe a sharptooth could be friends with flatteeth. It took a LOT of explaining before you changed your mind."

Shorty: "Yeah, and I'm glad I did. Chomper is great, And we've all had a lot of fun together since then."

Littlefoot: "Chomper and Ruby are coming back today, Maybe we can all play together tomorrow."

Shorty, "That would be fun!"

Suddenly, both of the longnecks hear the Professor yelling "HELP!" from far away in the distance.

Shorty: "What was that?"

Littlefoot: "that sounded like the Professor's voice. He sounds like he's in trouble!"

Shorty: "Let's go!"

Littlefoot: Looks back at the nest for a moment, remembering what Bron told him, and then reply's "Yes, lets go. He may need us!"

Both of them run off to look for the Professor.

-----------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: The Cliff at the outskirts of the Great Valley.

The Professor is still trapped at the cliff, and the sharptooth is coming towards him.

Professor: "There has got to be something I can do!"

Getting desperate, He does something pretty foolish, because he sees no way out. He lungs forward, grabs the little sharptooth around the neck with both of his hands, and squeezes as hard as he can. The sharptoothe was surprised that the human would try that, so he doesn't do anything for a moment.

Scene: Cera, Ducky, Spike, Petrie, and Ruby are on the outskirts of the Great Valley looking for Chomper.

Ruby: "I'm starting to worry about Chomper. I don't like it when he makes me worry."

Ducky: "don't worry Ruby, we will find Chomper, yup yup yup."

Cera: "It just isn't like Chomper to go out on his own. He's so young. Younger than any of us."

Petrie: "Seems like we have to babysit him sometimes, Don't it?

They hear the Professor's pleas for help as well.

Cera: "What was that?"

Ducky: "It's the Professor. He sounds like he's in trouble."

Cera: "Well, he can handle it himself. We need to find Chomper."

Ruby: "Don't talk like that Cera! If anyone needs help, We should help them. Would you like it if we didn't come for you because we thought you could handle it?"

Cera: "well, no. I guess I wouldn't like it. Alright, I guess we have two people we are looking for now."

Littlefoot and Shorty runs by everyone else. The group does not know what is going on, so they all follow and try talking to Littlefoot.

Ruby: "Hey, whats going on?"

Littlefoot: getting out of breath. "didn't you hear it? The Professor is in trouble!"

Cera: "We were just about to come for him too, What a small world!"

Scene: A cliff at the outskirts of the Great Valley.

The sharptooth is still in the Professor's hands. He strikes at the Professor. The Professor cries out in pain, but tightens his grip on the sharptooth. The sharptooth begins to find it hard to breath.

The whole Gang come running in from behind some trees, and sees what is going on.

Littlefoot: "STOP! Stop it, now!"

both the Professor and the sharptooth turn their heads to the longneck, and say "Littlefoot?". The professor lets go of Chomper.

Chomper: "Whats going on?"

Professor: "I have the same question, What this thing doing here?"

Littlefoot: "His name is Chomper, and He's not a thing."

Ruby: "He's a friendly sharptooth."

Professor: "WHAT? Don't you know creatures like that eat creatures like you!?"

Chomper: "Most of us do, but I don't. I'm different."

Littlefoot: "It's a long story. we met him when he was still an egg. We hatched him, Were trying to raise him."

Cera: "Yeah, He's our friend!"

Professor: He wasn't convinced. He just crossed his arms and said "Bunk! Bunk I say!"

Chomper: "Thats not a very nice thing to say!"

Professor: "humpth!"

Littlefoot: "So, why were you both fighting like that?"

Chomper: "Well, I was sleeping in the caves, when I heard a strange sound, and I got up to see what it was. I saw him looking around. I didn't know who he was, So I tried to protect you all from him. I thought it was something I had to do. Doesn't he eat meat?"

Littlefoot: "No, the Professor doesn't eat any meat."

Professor: Looking a little guilty. " Uh, It's true! I don't."

Chomper: "He doesn't?"

Cera: "Well, it just sounds like a misunderstanding."

Ducky: "I think Chomper and the Professor should make up.

Chomper: "Yeah, I'm sorry I tried to hurt you Professor." He exceeds his claw to shake the professor's hand.

The Professor just stands there, looking angrily at Chomper.

Littlefoot: "Professor, Shake his claw!"

Professer: Reluctantly shakes Chompers claw. "I guess your off this time."

Littlefoot: "Good, that's a little better." He turns his head. "Oh no, I have to be back at my nest before Dad finds out I was gone!" He runs off.

Petrie: "See you tomorrow Littlefoot! Well, Maybe tomorrow."

Ducky: "Bye Littlefoot!"

Ruby: Now that that has all been settled, Lets go home Chomper. it's getting late."

Cera: "Yeah, We should all be going to sleep."

The whole group say their good-nights, and disperse.

Professor: Walks up to Chomper, and says "I'll keep my eyes on you!" He then walks off.

Chomper: "Ruby, this new person is strange. He really doesn't like me. He's acting like Mr.Threehorn did when he met me."

Ruby: "Yes, he is. But Think of Mr.Threehorn now. Now he knows your a friendly sharptooth, and he actually kind of likes you now. Just give the Professor some time, he'll change.'

Chomper: "I hope your right Ruby."

Ruby: "I still want to know though. Why did you attack him?"

Chomper: "I already told you."

Ruby: "I still don't believe you. You've never tried to attack a newcomer before."

Chomper: "I had my reasons."

Ruby has a look of concern on her face, but she drops the subject. Chomper and Ruby walk into the secret caves, and the scene fades.

END

OK, here's my review of your second episode!

There were definitely more errors than in your first episode unfortunately, but on the bright side, they're easily fixed.

A few things to get out of the way at the beginning. Just remember to always capitalize the first letter of the first word of a sentence, and by no means capitalize words like "and" and "he" that are in the beginning of a sentence unless followed by a period. Once again, as in my previous review, you don't really make these mistakes anymore, so I'd say this advice is pretty passÈ at this point.

Remember your "you'res" and "yours". Your is possession; what belongs to "you" in other words. Your house, your rock, your name, your... whatever it is that you own. You're is a contraction of you and are. You're a good person, you're a good writer, you're a sharptooth, etc. You've shown vast improvement on this in your later episodes, so once again, probably passÈ, and keep up the good work on this. :)

Now something I noticed that really stuck out in this episode in particular that you could do to clean this up a bit is get rid of a lot of the adverbs you use. Adverbs are fine in dialogue, but in descriptions they just... get redundant, and you can make your writing sound a lot better and cleaner by eliminating them. Here are three examples that I found in your writing where you can do away with them entirely. Oh yes, and an adverb is a word like "really", "very", "like", "truly", they modify parts of speech other than nouns, but you don't want to use them all the time.

Littlefoot: (to Shorty) "So how is it like living here?" Like isn't necessary here, and just makes the sentence clunky. You could just say "So, how is it here?" or "How do you like living here?" In the latter case, like is OK, but coupled with "is it like" is just a bit much, and you can tighten that sentence up a tad.

The next example I found was when the professor is confronted by Chomper and does this. "Running away from the Sharptooth". Now "away" is once again an adverb here, and doesn't do much for your sentence. "Running from the sharptooth" sounds much better, and you eliminate an unnecessary word yet still keep the essence of the verb, "running" in this case. The action of the sentence is still maintained without the extra word.

And before I get to the last adverb, I may as well touch on the next paragraph, as there was something that I probably would have changed. "The professor turns around to the Sharptooh, and shows the stick". OK so that's two things I'll change. The first "turns around to the Sharptooth". You don't need the "to the Sharptooth" because we already know in the previous paragraph that he's running from Chomper, the Sharptooth. The professor can simply turn around. "The professor turns around" sounds better there. The second thing is "and shows the stick". Shows is just... sort of a weak word here. It's basic. Try "brandishes" the stick, or "wields" the stick, or something. "Shows" just keeps it simple, and since this is an action sequence, try a word that just sounds more forceful and underscores the action. "Displays", "exhibits", "brandishes", "exposes", "flashes", etc would all be suitable substitutes I think.

"The Professor tries several strikes at him" I would change to be "The professor strikes several times". It's another example of how sometimes less is more in writing. In five words I basically said what you just said in seven, so once again, try to still get your point across but without clogging the sentence too much. If something sounds a little long to you, ask yourself "how can I shorten this but still make it sound effective?" I think you'll find that you can get much more powerful sentences going by saying less, but putting more force into your words. :) And to get it even more interesting, rather than annoying Chomper, you could say "but his blows seem to only annoy the Sharptooth" rather than "a little annoyed". Once again, little is the adverb, and isn't necessary for description.

And in that same paragraph "The professor starts running away again". Just drop the "away", as once again, adverb. :) We don't need to know it's "away", because it should be fairly obvious that he's running FROM and not toward Chomper :)

A little further down: "Hm, wheres Spike?" should be "Where's" as it's a contraction of where and is, but you've improved a lot on these, so I won't linger.

Also when they tackle him, drop the "kind of". Spike isn't "kind of" annoyed, he's just annoyed. :) "Spike looks annoyed" would work better. :) If you really must use an adverb, I'd go with "somewhat" here, as it works best. Keep in mind though, adverbs are fine for dialogue. They make conversations sound realistic, because let's face it, we use adverbs when we talk. :) It's just in your descriptions that I think you don't really need them. :)

After the last commercial break, the professor does something foolish. I'd reword that whole sentence to read like this. "Because he can see there is no way out, he does something foolish out of desperation." Don't need the "pretty", adverb again. :) It just sounds too conversational for your descriptive passage. You're describing something, you aren't conversing with me. So DESCRIBE! ACTION! Just go for it, and get rid of the useless words. :)

The professor "lunges" forward, not "lungs", as lungs are organs in your body. :)

A bit further on, Littlefoot and Shorty "run" by everyone else, they don't "runs". It's confusing, I know. For plural subjects, you use singular verbs. For singular subjects, you use the plural form of the verb. XD Confused? They run. He runs, she runs, it runs, Cera runs, etc.

Now the paragraph where the professor tightens his grip and Chomper is struggling to breathe was good. You didn't have any adverbs or wordy sentences there :) It was ACTION. :) DESCRIPTION. :) Not conversation. ;)

"The whole Gang come running in from behind some trees, and sees what is going on." Gang is plural, so they SEE what is going on, not sees. :) If it was just Littlefoot: "Littlefoot sees what is going on." I'd also use "comes" in place of "come".

And also, after they explain that Chomper is their friend and the professor says "Bunk" you suddenly switch into past tense. Don't do that if you've been writing in the present tense this whole time. It should be:

Professor: He isn't convinced. He crosses his arms and says... etc.

Keep it present tense, if that's what you've been using.

Phew, OK. Enough of the grammatical critiques. XD Sorry about that, but it's just stuff I noticed that I think will help your writing. Some of these things you don't really do anymore, so I didn't dwell on them. For the actual plot, I think it started coming together after the last commercial break. It felt a little rushed before that, but then again, you ARE writing for a 20-25 minute episode, and I realize you can only do so much.

I really liked Ruby asking Cera how she'd feel if they decided she didn't need any help. That was brilliant. XD  :DD Best way to deal with Cera really. Place her in someone else's shoes.

I really liked the mystery too that you added at the end of it. It got me hooked, and shows you're effective at creating writer hooks that will catch the reader and make them ask "why is that?" or "what's going on here?". It keeps them reading and makes them hungry for more, so to speak. I found it very intriguing when I first read this as to why Chomper had suddenly done that, as it seemed a bit out of character, but then having Ruby ask why at the end of the chapter just showed that SURPRISE! It wasn't a mistake after all! I fooled you, my good reader, oh yes I did!  :DD Well done on that.  :yes

Overall this episode wasn't bad. The conclusion was the best part for me, but if you clean up the beginning and middle parts a bit, you'll have an even better episode. Biggest thing with this episode is to eliminate adverbs and wordy sentences in your descriptions. You're writing a script, so make it clean, short, but still effective. You can easily deliver the same message using less words. :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 02, 2011, 07:47:15 PM
Thanks again Pterano! That episode didn't originally have Ruby asking why at the end, and I'm glad I added that in later. I also added in the part where Chomper tries talking to the Professor in sharptooth later. I'd really like to add onto that episode somehow. You say the first two acts feel rushed for time, but that episode is actually one of my shortest ones. I just couldn't think of very much at the time.

Interesting that you bring up putting Cera in someone else's shoes. I have a episode coming up later on that's exactly that!

I'm thinking of posting the episodes on Saturdays now. I haven't even started on the next episode yet (Not tomorrows one! I mean the one after that.)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 03, 2011, 08:50:25 PM
Pterano was kind enough to proofread this for me before I posted it, so it's probably my most grammatically correct episode ever! Thanks Pterano!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 17 - The Little Leafeater and the Little Biter

Bedtime stories with Mr. Thicknose!

Scene: The Great Valley, at dusk.

Ruby walks up to a tree.

Ruby: "Hey, it's getting kind of late. You should come back to the caves with me.

Camera pans up the tree to show Chomper at the top, eating some bees from a beehive.

Chomper: "I will in a little bit, Ruby."

Ruby: "Late dinner?"

Chomper: "Yeah."

Ruby: "Well, don't take too long, it's starting to get dark, and it's not good to be wandering around in the dark."

Chomper: "Okay, I won't"

Ruby walks off towards the Secret Caves.

Chomper continues to eat bees, as the scene fades to show the hive is gone, indicating a time lapse. It's now dark.

Chomper: "I guess that's enough. Now, how to get down from here?"

Chomper looks down, looking worried. Suddenly, the ground starts to shake. Chomper trips, and grabs a tree branch with his claws.

Chomper: Ahh! What's going on?" One of his hands slips. 'Uh-oh!"

Chomper falls onto the ground. He gets up, and dusts himself off.

Chomper: "Whew, at least that's over!"

The ground Chomper is standing on starts to crack.

Chomper: "uh..."

The ground under Chomper breaks away, and the little biter falls through the ground to a cave below. Chomper hits his side on a rock, and slides over to one of the walls of the cave. A tinysaurus is there, who promptly gets stuck under him.

Skidder: "Would you mind getting off of me?"

Chomper: "Sorry, I just..."

Chomper turns to see the Skidder under him. Skidder looks up and sees Chomper.

Skidder: "Sharptooth!" He quickly squeezes out from under Chomper, and runs off.

Chomper: "Wait! I need help!" He lowers his head, and sighs. He tries to get up, but yells out in pain in sharptooth, and falls back down. "Oh, how am I going to get out of here?"

Scene: The Great Valley, in the morning.

The Gang of Five are having breakfast. Petrie and Ducky are up in a tree, knocking down treestars and treesweets.

Littlefoot: "Good going, you two!"

Cera: "But we're gonna need a lot more!"

Petrie: "Me doing best me can."

Ducky: "Yes we are."

Spike has his head in a pile of treesweets.

Ruby comes running in on the Gang.

Ruby: "Oh no!"

Ducky: "What is it, Ruby? What is wrong?"

Ruby: "It's Chomper, he's not here!"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, I haven't seen him around anywhere this morning.

Ruby: "No, I mean he didn't come home to the Secret Caves last night! I haven't seen him since yesterday!"

Littlefoot: "Do you think he is in trouble?"

Cera: "Humpth! What kind of trouble are you talking about?"

Littlefoot: "Not that kind of trouble! I mean, he could be lost, or hurt somewhere?"

Ruby: "We need to go find him, so he won't be lost anymore!"

Littlefoot: "Let's go!"

Littlefoot, Cera, and Ruby walk off. Spike just keeps on eating.

Petrie: "Me coming!" He takes off, and follows.

Ducky: Starts to walk. "Me too, yup yup..." She walks off the tree branch. "...No!"

Scene: A cave under the Great Valley.

Chomper is still sitting where he fell earlier. He's asleep now. Skidder pops his head out, and sees the little biter is asleep. He walks up to Chomper, and touches his foot. Chomper's head is turned sideways, so Skidder only sees one of his closed eyes.

Skidder: "Is it...dead?"

Skidder gets a little smirk on his face. He backs up a few steps, and rams his head into Chomper foot. He does it again, and laughs.

Skidder: He sticks his tongue out at Chomper. "Not so scary now, are you!?"

Skidder backs up quite a ways for a third run. He sticks his tongue out of the side of his mouth, and charges again. Chomper opens his eyes. Skidder skids to a stop, and yells. He runs back to hide behind a rock.

Chomper: "What are you doing?"

Skidder: "...you can talk!?"

Chomper: "Of course I can talk!"

Skidder: "Who are you, and what are you doing here?"

Chomper: "I'm Chomper, the Friendly Sharptooth!" He gives a toothy grin. "And I just kind of fell down here."

Skidder: "Well, can't you get out of here and leave us alone?"

Chomper: "But I can't get up! I must have hurt myself. I hope Littlefoot can find me."

Skidder: "You know Littlefoot?"

Chomper: "Yeah, I do know him, And some of his other friends, like Ducky and Spike..."

Skidder: "...And Cera and Petrie?"

Chomper: "Yeah, that's right. Can you come over here and help me get up?"

Skidder: "Oh no, I'm not getting any closer, I know better than that!" He runs off.

Chomper: Sighs. "Not again."

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: Another area in the cave.

Rocky, Dusty, and Shatter are playing, while Big Daddy is watching from the side. The kids are playing tag.

Shatter: "Here comes shatter!"

Rocky: "Oh no, he's-"

Dusty: "-Gonna get us!"

Lizzie: Walking up to Big Daddy. "I'm getting really hungry!"

Big Daddy: "I know, but we have to wait till nightfall to go up there and search for food.

Lizzie: "But Daddy..."

Big Daddy: "I'm sorry, but it's too dangerous up there."

Skidder: Running up to the group. "Everyone. You won't believe what I saw!"

Big Daddy: Stomping up to Skidder. "Now, what is this all about?"

Skidder: "I saw a sharptooth!"

The other tinysauruses gasp.

Big Daddy: "Skidder! I told you it wasn't safe up there!"

Skidder: "No, I saw that sharptooth down here!"

Big Daddy: "The same one?"

Skidder: "Yes!"

Big Daddy: "Where is it?"

Skidder: Looks over at the cave he came from. "Deep in that cave over there."

Big Daddy: "Is it coming?"

Skidder: "I don't think it is. It looked kind of hurt when I saw it."

Big Daddy: "Well, that's good to hear! Maybe it won't bother us!" He turns to all the other tinysauruses. "You know what this means. We can go up to the surface again!"

All of the tinysauruses cheer.

Big Daddy: "Let's get a few of us together, and look for something to eat!"

Shatter: "I'll go!"

Dusty: "Both me and Rocky-"

Rocky: "-will go!"

Big Daddy, Shatter, Rocky and Dusty walk off. Lizzie starts to leave with them.

Skidder: "Hey, Lizzie, wait up!"

Lizzie: "What?"

Skidder: "Um, don't leave. There's something I want to show you.

Lizzie: "Really?"

Skidder: "Yeah! Come on!

Skidder runs off into the cave he came from, and Lizzie follows.

Scene: The Great Valley.

The Gang is looking for Chomper. The Professor is with them.

Ruby: Where could Chomper have gone?"

Professor: "Maybe he went to the Mysterious Beyond."

Littlefoot: "Why would Chomper go there?"

Professor: "...I could think of one good reason."

Cera: "I think I know what you mean, Professor."

Ducky: "It is too bad Chomper is missing, it is. If he was not the one missing, he could use his sniffer to find who was missing."

Ruby: "Oh well, we'll just have to keep looking."

They walk past a small hole in the ground, and then off screen. Camera zooms in on the hole, and the tiny head of Big Daddy peeks out. He checks to make sure the coast is clear, then climbs out.

Big Daddy: "You can all come out now; it's safe."

Shatter comes out of the hole. Rocky and Dusty both stick their heads out next, and get stuck.

Rocky: "I'm first!"

Dusty: "No, I'm always first!"

Big Daddy sighs. He pulls on Dusty until she pops out of the hole.

Rocky: Climbing out. "No fair!"

Big Daddy: "Ssshh! Keep it down! we don't want to attract any attention, do we?"

Shatter: "So, what will it be?"

Rocky: "That pile of treestars over there..."

Dusty: "...looks really good!"

The quartet run over to the pile of treestars; they each grab a few treestars in their mouths, and head back to the hole. As they line up at the hole to go in, Spike walks up and nudges Shatter in the side, looking annoyed. Shatter yells out in surprise and jumps around.

Scene: A tunnel.

Skidder and Lizzie are walking through a tunnel towards Chomper.

Lizzie: "What is this thing you wanted to show me?"

Skidder: "Remember that sharptooth I talked about?"

Lizzie: "Do you mean...?"

Skidder: "Yeah, I want you to meet him!"

Lizzie stops in her tracks. Skidder turns around to see her staring at him.

Lizzie: "A-Are you crazy?! Meet a sharptooth?"

Skidder: "I know I must sound crazy, but he just seems different. Besides, he's hurt, so if we just keep our distance, he can't hurt us!"

Lizzie: "I still don't think..."

Skidder: "Oh come on Lizzie! Haven't you ever wanted to talk to a sharptooth?"

Lizzie: "You mean, it can talk?"

Skidder: "Yes, it can!"

Skidder starts walking again, and Lizzie reluctantly follows.

Lizzie: Saying under her breath. "Curiosity killed the hatchling!"

Scene: The part of the caves Chomper is in.

Chomper is still sitting at the same place he fell at. He's swiveling his legs on the floor, looking bored. From the other side of the cavernous room, Skidder sticks his head out from behind a rock.

Skidder: "Hello? Chomper?"

Chomper: "Ah, the really little longneck is back."

Lizzie: "We're tinysauruses, Chomper."

Chomper: "Who was that?"

Lizzie steps out from behind the rock.

Lizzie: "Um, that was me."

She stands there, looking terrified at Chomper.

Chomper: "What are you two so scared of? I said I'm a friendly sharptooth!"

Skidder: "A friendly sharptooth?"

Chomper: "Yeah. Like I said before, I'm friends with Littlefoot and all of his friends. Have you been here long?"

Lizzie: "Actually, we have been here awhile. A few cold times at least."

Chomper: "Really? Because I've never seen any of you before."

Skidder: "We've been living under wraps for a long time."

Chomper: "Really? Why?"

Lizzie: "Um, because of you."

Skidder: "Yeah, our dad saw you once, and told all of us to stay down here to be safe."

Lizzie: "We've only been coming out at night to look for food."

Chomper: Looking down. "Sorry about that."

Skidder: "Well, it isn't really your fault.

Chomper's stomach growls.

Lizzie: "What was that?"

Chomper: "Um, hate to say it, but I'm getting kind of hungry."

Both of the tinysauruses back away.

Chomper: Laughs. "It's okay, I don't want to eat you!"

Skidder: Still looking worried. "What do you want to eat then?"

Chomper: "Are there any ground crawlers down here?"

Lizzie: "Yes, I think there are."

Lizzie runs off for a moment, then returns with a ground crawler in her mouth. She walks up to within a few feet of Chomper, and slings the insect at him. Chomper slurps it down.

Chomper: "Hey, thanks! Could you find a few more?"

Lizzie: "Yeah, I guess we can."

--------------------------------<Commercial break>------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley.

Shatter is still at the same place he was at, yelling in surprise.

Big Daddy: Popping his head back out of the hole. "What is it?"

Shatter: Calming down. "Oh, it is just Spike."

Spike nudges Shatter again, but this time more lovingly.

Shatter: Laughing. "I think he missed me!"

Big Daddy: "It's been a long time since I saw any of the kids. I thought that sharptooth got em!"

Chomper's search party comes running up to the spiketail and the tinysauruses, having heard Shatter call for help.

Littlefoot: "What's going on?"

Ruby: "We heard someone yell for help! Who is it that needs help?"

Big Daddy: "It was nothing." Chuckling. "Chatter here just got a little spooked by Spike!"

Littlefoot: "Big Daddy!

Ducky: "Dusty!"

Petrie: "Rocky!"

Cera: "Shatter!"

Ruby: Who?"

The Professor, who has finally caught up to the group, eyes the tinysauruses with a strange human act in mind.

Professor: "Aww, they look so cute!" The professor picks up Big Daddy like he's a cat or a small dog, and pets him.

Bad Daddy: "Hey, what's the big idea? Put me down right now! And stop touching there!"

Scene: The cave Chomper is in.

Chomper gulps down another ground crawler that Skidder has thrown at him.

Chomper: "Thanks a lot, guys!"

Lizzie: "So, what now?"

Chomper: "Could someone finally help me get up?"

Skidder: "Uh, I still don't know if we should or not."

Lizzie: "I mean, he is a sharptooth after all."

Chomper: "Aww, Please?" Chomper puts on his cutest sad puppy impersonation.

Lizzie: "Well..."

Skidder: "Let's do it!"

Chomper: "Thank you!"

Skidder and Lizzie get closer to Chomper, and turn around. Chomper grabs each of their tails in his claws, and the little dinosaurs pull. Chomper lifts off the ground a little bit, but suddenly yells out in pain in sharptooth again. In his pain, Chomper lets go, and the two tinysauruses run in fear.

Skidder: "Ahh!"

Lizzie: "What was that!?"

Chomper: Holding his sides. "Sorry about that, that just hurt a lot."

Skidder: "Really?"

Lizzie: "I'm sorry you're in pain Chomper."

Chomper: "Thanks for your concern Lizzie." He lowers his head again, and sighs. "I don't think I'm going anywhere soon."

Scene: The Great Valley.

The Gang, the Professor, and the quartet of tinysauruses are still where we left them. The Professor lays Big Daddy back onto the ground.

Big Daddy: "Now, that's a lot better!"

Littlefoot: "We haven't seen any of you in a really long time!"

Cera: "Yeah, where have you all been?

Rocky: "We'll, we have all been-"

Dusty: "-in hiding."

Ruby: "Hiding? From what?"

Big Daddy: "A sharptooth!"

Littlefoot: "A sharptooth? In the Great Valley?"

Petrie: "You not making much sense!"

Big Daddy: "I'm surprised all of you are still here, I thought that sharptooth got you!"

Littlefoot: "...Are you talking about Chomper?"

Big Daddy: "You gave it a name?"

Ducky: "Oh course! He is our friend, after all."

Chatter: "Friend?"

Littlefoot: "Uh, I know it sounds weird, but yes. We hatched a sharptooth, we named him Chomper, and he's been living in the Great Valley with us."

Big Daddy: "Preposterous!"

Littlefoot: "Well if you help us find him, we'll show you!"

Ducky: Yes, could you please help us find him?"

Chatter: "I think we know where he is!"

Scene: The cave Chomper is in, at night.

The cave is dark. The Professor walks into the cavernous room, and shines his light around. The bright glow moves along the walls, until it rests on a little sleeping sharptooth, with two smaller sleeping dinosaurs tucked under his claws.

Big Daddy: "Lizzie! Skidder!"

Littlefoot: "Chomper!"

The three sleeping dinosaurs wake up.

Lizzie: "Huh?"

Skidder: "What's all the noise about?"

Chomper: Wiping his eyes. "Hey, it's the gang!"

Big Daddy: "Are you all alright?"

Lizzie: "We're fine!"

Big Daddy: "I mean... with the sharptooth..."

Shatter: "Aw, he wouldn't hurt us! He's a friendly sharptooth!"

Professor: "So, I hear you are hurt, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Yeah, that's right. My chest hurts."

The Professor examines Chomper.

Professor: "Looks like a broken rib or two."

Chomper: "Is that bad?"

Professor: "From the looks of that fall there, it could have been a lot worse! You'll just need some rest."

Littlefoot: "That's great!"

Professor: "Here, let me help you get up."

The Professor works Chomper onto his back for a piggy back ride.

Professor: "Ow! Just be careful where you put your feet there."

Ruby: "Let's head home Chomper, you're a day late at this point!"

Chomper: "Yeah, sorry about that."

The Gang and the Professor start to walk off.

Lizzie: "Bye everyone!"

Skidder: "It was fun getting to see you all again!"

Big Daddy: "We'll see you all again though! We don't have a reason to hide anymore!"

END

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One story I will tell you, that I said in the "What are you thinking about" thread too, I had a subplot for this episode. It involved a new character, and would have added some action to this episode, but I had so much fun writing out about Chomper trying to make new friends, that I had to cut that for time. I still really like the idea that I cut out, so it's on the back burner for the future.

Now, about next weeks episode. It will be called "That Spark for Adventure!" It will be kind of a flashback episode, explaining some things that happened between the TV series and my fanfiction.

And like I said, the next one after that will be a very Chomper focused episode that will add in some new OC's. :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 03, 2011, 10:30:41 PM
No problem! It was my pleasure! Really enjoyed doing it, and you were looking a lot cleaner too with your writing. So good job on that. :DD

I don't really have to do grammatical and punctuation corrections for this, so here's my review on what I thought.

I wasn't sure what to expect at first when I started reading this. But you crafted a pretty personal story here, and I'm glad you didn't put the subplot in (not that I thought it would've been a bad thing, as I don't know about that plot yet) as I feel it would have detracted from the personal story you were telling. This was really focused on the tinysauruses, and I liked that. It was their story primarily, and about their reconciling with their fear of all sharpteeth.

I think I liked this because of the warmth you conveyed in it vonboy. You do a very good job of painting how they are very cautious at first, peeking out of holes in the ground and having to sneak about to find food. Skidder getting brave only after he knew Chomper was asleep showed of course how they fear sharpteeth, but was a nice throwback too to the original movie, where Cera was taunting what she thought was the dead sharptooth. Lizzie and Skidder's explanation on why they've been only seeking food at night was a good touch, as it allowed for a dialogue between Chomper and them, and a deeper understanding of each other as well.

But they go from being fearful to cuddling up against him in an adorable scene. :DD You also wrote your comedy very well, and I found myself chuckling at bits here and there that crept up on me and caught me by surprise. They were very well timed too, I'd say darn near perfect if not perfect, because they just fit in so well with the otherwise serious plot.

I'm not sure what it is about this story, but the way you wrote it conveyed warmth to me, and just spoke to me on a personal level, particularly as it progressed. I'd say this is now one of my favorite episodes of yours, just because I really dig the personal angle you got going, and that's what I strive for in my own writing (or at least in my current fic). The latter part of the story particularly shows that, and I do commend you on getting a good emotional story going.

Overall, well done. It may not have been super action, but hey, I think you pulled off something just as good. You wrote a story that spoke to me as a reader, so very nicely done, vonboy. Looking forward to your next episodes. :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pangaea on June 03, 2011, 11:33:03 PM
Quote from: vonboy,May 28 2011 on  10:15 AM
Thanks for the reviews Pterano! It's nice having someone actually doing critical analyses on my work, though you still have a long way to go before your Pangaea! :p
Oh, please! :oops I don't want to be some kind of standard for all other reviewers to strive for! Everyone has their own style of reviewing, and though most writers would probably agree that a descriptive review is preferable to a one-liner, reviewers most definitely do not need to be me. Besides, I think you're ascribing too much credit to my reviewing abilities: from the looks of things, Pterano knows as muchóif not moreóabout grammar and improving the written aspects of a story as me (at the very least, he seems better at putting his explanations in words). He’s also conspicuously better than me at posting reviews quickly and regularly :p (in fact, he beat me to the punch on several comments I was going to make regarding Episode 2). Not to mention he's reviewing Season 1 episodes alongside the new ones, whereas I haven't yet proven myself capable of handling one chapter per week! :p I can continue to review if you like (I hate to break a promise), but honestly I think he’s more useful to you as a reviewer than I am.

Quote
I kind of knew you'd find a lot of grammar problems in yesterday's episode, since I kind of rushed it out so it wouldn't be late. I didn't proofread as much as I should have.
A word of advice I've used with other writers: Don't sacrifice quality of work in order to meet self-imposed deadlines. Though I'll admit I'm probably more sensitive to spelling and grammar errors than many people, I personally find them very distracting when I'm reading a story, and would rather give the writer enough time to write a good, detailed, reduced-error chapter, at the cost of having to wait a little longer for it to be posted.

Anyway, I posted my review for Episode 2 (http://gangoffive.net/index.php?showtopic=9377&view=findpost&p=9236185), in the same post as my Episode 1 review. (I had hoped to review Chapter 3 tonight as well, but it's one of those all-too-frequent times when my brain just isn't up for the task; I swear I'm getting more mentally defective by the day. :wacko) As I mentioned to you before, my plan had been to post my reviews of Season 1 episodes all in one place, to keep them from intermingling with the Season 2 episodes and their respective reviews. Would you prefer it, though, if I just made a new post for each one, like Pterano is doing with his Season 1 reviews?

Oh, yeah, one more thing: although I haven’t actually read the most recent chapter yet, aI do have a correction to share based on a glimpse of it: Skitter’s name should be spelled “Skitter”, not “Skidder”.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 04, 2011, 12:57:41 AM
You can keep reviewing if you want, Pangaea. I do really appreciate it! Though, maybe you can stop trying to fix my grammar and punctuation? When I first asked you for feedback, I just wanted Constructive criticism. You just added in all of that grammar help because you wanted to. It probably is good that you added in that grammar help though, because I actually thought it wasn't THAT bad. Besides, after a while, you'd just be commenting on the same errors, and I should be able to look at past grammar and punctuation suggestions and apply them to later episodes.

It would also be good having two people reviewing, because one of you might catch something the other doesn't, or have a different perspective on things. For example, you Pangaea brought up how the action in episode 2 didn't make any sense.

About what you said about the script format in the episode 1 review, I don't think I'm going to change anything about how I'm doing it. I know that this isn't TRUE script format. I didn't really know how real scripts looked before I started. After the first few episodes, I decided to keep it the way it was, just so it would always be consistent. If I change the format, I feel I'd have to go back and rewrite everything so it would stay consistent. One thing I've changed is not using the scene fading much. I realize most of the time I was using that in the first season, it was not needed. I'm only saying how the scene changes now when it happens in a different or interesting way, and it HAS to be explained.

And you can make new posts for your reviews if you want to. I told Pterano that I'm posting links to all of my episodes in the first post of this thread, which I try to keep updated and current. It's ok if this thread get's messy, because people can just turn to the first post if they can't find something.

About Chomper only trying to speak sharptooth to the Professor, that's probably just me doing something the writers for the sequels did a lot of;  Purposefully make characters not do things that are obvious, or have them suddenly turn stupid just so they would fit into the plot the writers wanted to write. I REALLY wanted this conflict in there. I wanted the Professor and Chomper to start off on very bad terms, so it would contrast well for when they make amends. I don't really have an explanation for why Chomper did that, other than the director said so :p
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on June 04, 2011, 02:20:37 PM
The story you wrote is Triple Great, Great, Great Vonboy!  :D  I like the part were the Professor picks up Big Daddy like a puppy or a kitten and pets him.  :lol  :lol  :lol  that would make children laugh harder.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pangaea on June 04, 2011, 06:47:18 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Jun 3 2011 on  11:57 PM
You can keep reviewing if you want, Pangaea. I do really appreciate it! Though, maybe you can stop trying to fix my grammar and punctuation? When I first asked you for feedback, I just wanted Constructive criticism. You just added in all of that grammar help because you wanted to. It probably is good that you added in that grammar help though, because I actually thought it wasn't THAT bad. Besides, after a while, you'd just be commenting on the same errors, and I should be able to look at past grammar and punctuation suggestions and apply them to later episodes.
Yes, my hope was to cover general errors that I see a lot of, so that you would know what mistakes to avoid, and afterwards I'd focus mainly on the story, clearing up a few more specific writing errors here and there.

Quote
And you can make new posts for your reviews if you want to. I told Pterano that I'm posting links to all of my episodes in the first post of this thread, which I try to keep updated and current. It's ok if this thread get's messy, because people can just turn to the first post if they can't find something.
Okey-dokes, then…from now on I'll just start a new post for each new review. :)

Quote
About Chomper only trying to speak sharptooth to the Professor, that's probably just me doing something the writers for the sequels did a lot of; Purposefully make characters not do things that are obvious, or have them suddenly turn stupid just so they would fit into the plot the writers wanted to write. I REALLY wanted this conflict in there. I wanted the Professor and Chomper to start off on very bad terms, so it would contrast well for when they make amends. I don't really have an explanation for why Chomper did that, other than the director said so :p
Well, I prefer it when a story makes sense, and the plot contains as few holes as possible, but okay. Just as long as you're not deliberately tossing the characters an Idiot Ball or create plot devices that make no sense just to be more like the writers of the TV series. I think a good LBT episode fanfic should try to avoid the flaws of the series, not replicate them to seem more authentic. (What made the least sense to me in this scene was Chomper's “Don't play dumb with me, I know you speak Sharptooth” line. In fact, I think you could have just left all of Chomper's Sharptooth lines in this scene untranslated; if his exact words to the Professor were left ambiguous, then there would be more room for interpretation as to why Chomper was acting so seemingly out of character.)

All right, here’s my next review:

Review for Episode 3 – Brothers

Quote
The whole gang and the Professor are in some foliage close to the water. Littlefoot, chomper, and spike are eating. Cera, Ducky, and the Professor are to the side chatting.
The term ”foliage” applies to the leaves and branches of plants, not to the plants themselves, and describing them as being “in” it implies that they are standing on top of or among the leaves. Unless the characters are climbing trees or giding in bushes, it would probably be better to write this as “among some vegetation”.

I liked the prank that you had Chomper play on Littlefoot. It did seem like something Chomper would do, assuming he isn’t really totally oblivious that the rest of the gang find crawlers disgusting.

Quote
Professor: "He has a personality? I thought he was just a mindless killing machine!"
This line just…bothered me. I’m finding it hard to elaborate, but suffice to say it seemed unrealistic. The Professor has already seen that Chomper can speak and be reasoned with; why would he still be under the impression that all he does is instinctively hunt and kill? Even rewording it to “He seemed like a mindless killing machine to me” (and having the Professor speak the line in a grumbling or otherwise contemptuous tone) would make it sound less cheesy.

The gang’s feelings about the Mysterious Beyond in this episode were…unexpected, to say the least. Considering they visit it all the time, it surprised me that their reaction to Shorty going there went along the lines of “You shouldn’t do that! It’s too dangerous!” However, considering that the gang almost always enters the Mysterious Beyond as a group, I can understand that they would be concerned that Shorty went there alone; their reaction would probably seem more justified if some emphasis was put on that.

Something else in this chapter that I have to give you credit for is Ruby’s statement that she dislikes the smell of the anti-sharptooth tree sweets. This is true to her reaction to them in “The Hidden Canyon”; her expression implied that she didn’t find the scent of the tree sweets as appetizing as her friends did, highlighting the fact that she is an omnivorous species.

Speaking of Ruby, one thing I was a little disappointed by was that she never got her own scene where she was introduced to the Professor.

Quote
Ducky: "They are both only siblings, yup yup yup."
It would make more sense for Ducky to say “only hatchlings”.

I don’t think the gang’s reaction to finding the dead longneck was strong enough. Although dinosaurs in the LBT world surely make this sort of discovery more often than humans, imagine how you would react if you stumbled across a dead human body.

The chase scene with Red Claw contained several details that bugged me (most of which I don’t think are worth the trouble to describe), but there were also several parts I liked. It was good to see Red Claw finally demonstrate some of the athletic prowess displayed by other sharpteeth when he jumped the canyon. I also liked how you mixed up the “push down a boulder to defeat the sharptooth” routine by having Screech and Thud be the ones who (accidentally) knock it over. And then there was this bit: :lol
Quote
Professor: "I don't want to be that close to a sharptooth ever again!"

Chomper gives the Professor an annoyed look, but says nothing.

One more comment regarding the preview of next week’s episode (as seen in your signature):
Quote
Grandpa Longneck: "As my final act as the head of the Great Valley Council, I name my son, Bron, as the new head of the council."

From the next episode, "That Spark for Adventure!". Coming June 10th :D
It’s heavily implied in LBT X that Bron is not related to Littlefoot’s grandparents by blood. In the tenth movie, when the two of them first (re)encountered one another, Bron addressed him as “Papa Longneck” (the name by which Grandpa Longneck would logically have been known before he became a grandfather; i.e., before Littlefoot was born); if Bron were his son, then he would have addressed him as simply “Papa”. Further evidence is seen in the flashback, where Littlefoot’s mother is portrayed (albeit inaccurately :rolleyes) as having similar coloring to Littlefoot’s grandparents. I don’t think you need to make Bron Grandpa Longneck’s son to justify his giving him the council position anyway.

EDIT: Somehow I completely missed this error the first time around: in the very first line of the chapter, "watering hole" is incorrectly spelled "watering whole".
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 05, 2011, 07:11:42 PM
I have used that general line of "In some foliage" a LOT in my series. Looks like another reason to be editing a bunch of episodes lol.

I'll take out the part about Bron being the son of Littlefoot's Grandparents. I've already done that in a couple episodes in the first season, so I'll have to edit that out too.

About that line from the Professor, I was kind of having the idea early on of him thinking of other animals as stupid or mindless at first, since he was a human that came from a society where humans are considered dominant over everything else. I wanted him to still have that prejudice for a little while in the series. I'll rethink that line.

I could probably change the Gang's reactions to the dead longneck. Except for Chomper of course. I could probably get a little extra bit of humor out of that somehow.

About Redclaw, yeah. I decided since Chomper called him the "Biggest, Meanest Sharptooth he ever saw!" I'd have to make him live up to that name a little more. He was a real pushover in the TV series.

I think I'll jsut re-edit or revamp the first season after I finish with the second season. I don't really have extra time at the moment to work on it.

Could I ask you to review an episode from the second season next? I'd like to see how you think my writing has changed, if at all.

I really appreciate it Pangaea! And don't be so hard on yourself all the time! You do a lot for the GoF, and I always see you setting too high of standards for yourself. It is great that you want to help out all the time, but you should think of yourself sometimes too, like how The Friendly Sharptooth put it.

I just felt like I had to say that ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 05, 2011, 10:23:16 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Mar 25 2011 on  07:31 PM
Episode 4 - Return to Saurus Rock

Scene: The Watering Hole in the Great Valley.

Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, Chomper, and Ruby are playing in the water. The professor is to the side looking at them.

Ducky: "Come on in, Professor, the water is nice and cool, it is."

Professor: "Oh, I suppose some swimming could be fun. Just give me a second."

The Professor pulls his shirt off. Everyone in the water gasps. Ducky screams.

Professor: "What? I don't look that bad, do I?

Littlefoot: "Whats going on? Are you ripping your skin off?"

The Professor stared at the dinosaurs in the water, when he realizes that they must have no idea what cloths are, and what they must be thinking is going on.

Professor: "No, this isn't my skin. It's called cloths. It's a thing my kind cover ourselves with to protect us from the elements."

Cera: "That's weird."

Ruby: "I've never even heard of cloths before. Where did you say you came from again?"

Professor: "Like I've said, somewhere very far away. You've probably never even been there before."

Littlefoot: "That is not good enough. Where is this place?"

Professor: "Um..." He has to think for a few moments before giving a response. "From some land across the ocean."

Cera: "You mean big water?"

Professor: "Yes, big water. My people call it the ocean. A huge body of water that takes many days to cross."

Chomper: "Did you ever go to the island that my parents were at?"

Professor: "Uh, no." He didn't want to have to answer too many questions, so he changes the subject. "But enough about me, Lets see what we can play." He takes a plunge into the water.

Ducky: "Are you a good swimmer?"

Professor: "I'm ok at it. Probably not as good at it as you are, Ducky."

Chomper: "How about we play swimmer splasher? I can be the swimmer."

Professor: "Whats that game?"

Littlefoot: "Um, The swimmer closes his eyes and say "Swimmer!". everyone else says "Splasher!" and the swimmer tries to find them and splash them."

Professor: "Hm, that sounds like Marco-Polo."

Chomper: "Well, lets go." He closes his eyes. "Swimmer!"

everyone plays the game. Chomper has no problem finding everyone and splashing them.

Ducky: "That was over fast, it was."

Cera: "It's always over fast when Chomper is the swimmer. He just uses his sniffer to find everyone!"

Chomper: "Yeah, that is what I'm good at!"

Everyone laughs.

Ducky: "Well, I was the last one to get splashed. I guess that makes me the swimmer."

Littlefoot: "Here she comes!"

Bron comes walking up to the group in the water.

Bron: "Littlefoot, what are you doing?"

Littlefoot: with a confused look on his face. "Um, Playing with my friends."

Bron: "Don't you remember? We were going to spend the day together today."

Littlefoot: "Oh, I forgot about that."

Bron: "Well, come along now. You can play with your friends later."

Littlefoot: "Ok." Looking back at his friends. "See you all later."

Cera: "See you Littlefoot."

Spike walks out of the water. His stomach is growling.

Ducky: "I think Spike is hungry again. I am too."

Chomper: "Me three."

Professor: "I could use some treesweets."

Cera: "Well, I'm not hungry. Ruby, you want to play something?"

Ruby: "Sure, I'm sure we can think of something to play."

Ruby and Cera get out of the water, and walks over in a different direction.

Scene: The edge of the Great valley, on one of the cliffs.

Two Flying Sharpteeth are sitting on the ledge. One of the flyers roars at the other, and They both take off and fly into the Great Valley.

Scene: Near the longneck nest.

Bron and Littlefoot are walking walk over to the nest.

Bron: "So, how have you been?"

Littlefoot: "Ok I guess."

Bron: "But, didn't you have another scary sleep story last night? The same one you've been having?"

Littlefoot: "Well, Yeah, but I'm not letting it get to me."

Bron and Littlefoot makes it to the Longneck nest.Grandma Longneck is at the nest.

Grandma Longneck: "Well, maybe you need to let it get to you a little."

Littlefoot: "Grandma?"

Grandma longneck: "Yes, Bron wanted me to talk to you too."

Bron: "Grandma is right. If you want to stop having those sleep stories, you have to confront them. You have to grieve."

Grandma longneck: "That is why we are going to take a trip to Saurus Rock."

Littlefoot: "Isn't that the good luck rock overlooking the Great Valley and keeping us safe?"

Bron: "Well, yes. But it's for more than that, little one."

---------------------------<Commercial break>---------------------------------

Scene: A forest in the Great Valley.

The Professor, Ducky, Chomper, and Spike looking for something to eat.

Chomper: "There has got to be something around here to eat."

Ducky: "Do not look at me, Chomper!"

Professor: Walking over to a tree with hard spiky treesweets on it. "That should work."

Ducky: "What do you mean? Those are too hard and spiky to eat."

Chomper: "And I can't eat those anyway."

Professor: "I know how to eat them." He climbs up the tree, and knocks a few down.

Chomper: One of the treesweets hit him in the face. "Ow! Hey, watch where your dropping those!"

Professor: "Your a sharptooth, you can take it." He climbs back down the tree and grabs one of the treesweets, and pulls a knife out of his pocket."Now, the outside of this thing may be tough, but just look at whats inside." he cuts a big hole in the top of the fruit, and shows it around.

Ducky: "Oh, there is some kind of white water in it."

Professor: "Yeah, it's a lot like a treesweet my kind calls a coconut." He takes a drink out of it, and passes it to Ducky.

Ducky: Taking a sip. "MMM, this is good!" She holds it so Spike can take a sip.

Spike: takes a sip, and shows how much he likes it. "Yeah-uh!"

Professor: "Actually Chomper, you take a sip too, I think you can."

Chomper: "What?"

Professor: "Come on, you can try it." He passes it to Chomper.

Chomper: "This isn't a trick, is it?"

Professor: "Just try it!"

Chomepr: He eyes the Professor, then takes a little sip. He smacks his lips some, then goes back for a bigger gulp. "Wow, this isn't so bad! I didn't know there were any treesweets that didn't taste awful!"

Professor: "Yes, It has a lot of protein in it."

Ducky: "Whats that?"

Professor: "It's something that meat-eaters need to be healthy. It's found in meat."

Ducky: "What? Did I just drink..."

Professor: "no no no. It's just this treesweet happens to have protein as well."

Chomper: "So I don't have to eat meat?"

Professor: "Well, I'd still think you'd have to eat some meat, but there's other things you can eat along with it."

Chomper: "Wow, I never knew that." He gets a suspicious look on his face. "Now how do you know this? I thought you weren't a meat-eater!"

Professor: "Um, well, I'm a farwalker. I've learned a lot on my travels."

Ducky: "That makes sense, it does."

Chomper: "Well, I wish I had something else to eat.'

Sharptooth roars are heard from the sky.

Ducky: Shivering. "What was that?"

Chomper: "Whatever it is, it sounds hungry too."

Professor: "That's not something I wanted to hear!"

Spike backs up, then starts running off.

Ducky: "What is it Spike?"

One of the Flying Sharpteeth swoops down at Ducky.

Chomper: "Watch out Ducky!" He takes a dive in front of Ducky, and the Flyers talons slash at his side.

Spike Runs to Chomper to see if he is ok.

Ducky: "Are you alright?"

Chomper: "It kind of stings, but I'm ok"

Professor: "I think we should run!"

Ducky: "Good idea."

The group starts running towards a forest, with the Flying Sharpteeth in close pursuit.

Scene: The base of Saurus Rock.

Littlefoot, Bron, and Grandma longneck are walking up to it.

Littlefoot: "So, why are we here?"

Grandma longneck: "There is a legend that the passed can be seen from the top of the great rock."

Bron: "I remember the stories you told me when I was young, mom. You said that you can talk to loved ones from this very rock."

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Grandma longneck: "Of course. I went up there once, a long time ago, to speak with someone."

Bron: "Well, it's time. Littlefoot. Climb to the top of the rock, and keep your mind open."

Littlefoot: "Ok, dad." He starts to climb up, but looks back at the other two. "Are you sure this will work?"

Bron: "Grandma just told you, she did the same thing!"

Grandma longneck: "You'll never know until you try."

Littlefoot: Taking a gulp. "Well, if you say so." He continues up the face of Saurus Rock.

Scene: A grassy field close to the Watering Hole."

Ruby and Cera are sitting on a rock in the field.

Cera: "It is kind of boring, just the two of us playing."

Ruby: "I guess you don't realize how much you miss friends until you miss them."

Cera: "Oh well. Just relaxing here on this sunny rock has been nice."

Ruby: "Some adventuring would be nice though."

Sharptooth roars are heard.

Ruby: "What was that?"

Cera: "I'm sure it's nothing. Just Chomper getting mad at Littlefoot again or someth..."

One of the Flying Sharpteeth swoops down and snatches Cera before she can finish her sentence.

Ruby: "Cera!"

-----------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

The Flying Sharptooth tries flying off with Cera. Cera is too heavy though, and the Flyer struggles to keep any height in the air. Cera is struggling to get free. She scrapes the flyers leg with her front horn. The flyer is not paying attention while it tries to make Cera stop. The Flyer doesn't' notice the cliff right in front of him, and he crashes into it. Both of them fall onto the ground. The flyer is momentarily dazed.

Ducky, Spike, Chomper and the Professor come running in on the scene.

Ducky: "Cera, Are you ok!?"

Cera: "uuuh, that hurt."

Ruby: Running over to Cera and everyone else. "Whats wrong?"

Cera: "I don't know, I just don't feel so well."

Professor: "Did you hurt the cliff?"

Cera: Tries to get up and charge at the Professor, but trips and doesn't get up. "uuh, I'll get you later."

The Sharptoothed flyer recovers and takes a bite at the Professor. It almost connects, and the Professor has a sizable wound across his arm.

Professor: "Oh gosh!"

Chomper takes a bite at the Flyer, but gets pushed away when the flyer swats him with his wing. The flyer scratches Ducky with his talons, and she falls down injured as well.

Professor: "Can this get any worse?"

The other Flyer takes a dive at the group. They jump out of the way, and the flying flyer crashes into the one on the ground. They both take off into the air after the group. The professor is holding Ducky in his good arm, and Ruby is dragging Cera along with her.

Chomper: "I'm getting sick and tired of this!" He turns around and roars at the flyers in Sharptooth. <Come on, get me you big bully! I dare you!"

The rest of the gang hear Chomper roaring, and turn around to see whats going on. One of the flying Sharpteeth takes a dive at Chomper. At the last second, Chomper jumps up and bites down hard on the flyers neck. Both the flyer and Chomper tumble on the ground, and the gang run over to see whats going on.

Ruby: "Chomper!"

The other flyer in the air looks down, lets out a sort of low roar, and flies off.

Scene: the top of Saurus Rock.

Littfoot clears the top of the rock. He walks to the center of the rock.

Littlefoot: "Ok, now what?"

He paces around the rock some, and then kicks a pebble off the top of the rock. He looks over the edge to watch it hit the bottom.

Littlefoot: "I'm still waiting."

Littlefoot looks up in the air and sees a cloud in the shape of a longneck.

Littlefoot: "Huh."

The cloud flies across the sky, then disappears into the distance.

???: "...Littlefoot."

Littlefoot turns around.

Littlefoot: "Wh...who is it?"

???: "...Littlefoot, come here."

Littlefoot walks towards the camera. You can't see what he is walking towards.

Scene: The great Valley.

Cera walks into view. She falls on the ground in pain.

Cera: "Oh, it hurts!"

Ducky, Spike and Ruby come into view. Spike walks over to eat some greens. Ruby sits down on the ground. She has Ducky in her arms.

Ducky: "That was bad. Why did those Flyers come over here anyway?"

Ruby: "I don't know Ducky. I thought Sharpteeth stayed out of the Great Valley."

The Professor walks into view. Part of his shirt is ripped off and wrapped around his injured arm.

Professor: "I thought you said this Valley was safe!"

Chomper waddles into view. He is shifting his weight from foot to foot and waddling like a penguin. His Stomach is bulged out. he sits down on a rock.

Chomper: "uh, can't take one more...bite"

Littlefoot walks into view.

Littlefoot: "Wow, That was amazing. I got to talk to Grandpa Longneck again. I never thought I'd get to talk to him again. Such a long day. It was so nerve racking. I'm ready to go to sleep now everyone." He takes a look at the whole gang.

The gang just moans back at him.

Littlefoot: "Wow, What happened to all of you?"

END
OK so episode four had some good aspects for me, but it was also a little strange, but I'll go into that after the clean up, which is as follows:

First off, remember to stay in present or past tense if that's what you're writing in. You jumped around a few times in the beginning. After the Professor removed his shirt, he "stared" at the dinosaurs, so that implies past tense, but then right after you put he "realizes" so it should be "realized" in keeping with past tense.

A little further on, when the Professor does not want to answer, get rid of "to have" as it's not necessary and makes the statement a little redundant. Just have it be "He didn't want to answer too many questions".

When Littlefoot is explaining the rules of the game swimmer and splasher, he should say "The swimmer closes his eyes and says" not say. The swimmer "says" splasher. Good take on that game though.  :smile

Instead of just glossing over the fact that Chomper has no trouble finding them, try to spice that up a little. It's dull and very rapid. Try to say "Chomper swiftly picks them off one by one, in what seems like an effortless manner for him" or something like that. It just sounds so much better than "Chomper has no problem finding everyone and splashing them" as there's really no action or sense of action in there.

Remember to capitalize words at beginning of sentences. "Everyone plays the game." Not "everyone plays" etc.

When Spike's stomach growls, just say that. "His stomach growls." You don't need "is growling." It's just too wordy. "His stomach growls" puts more emphasis on it.

When Ruby and Cera walk off, it's "walk over in a different direction." And I'd even change "over" to "off". Remember the plural/singular rule? Ruby walks, Cera walks, but Ruby and Cera together walk.

You capitalize Grandma Longneck, but then don't capitalize longneck a few lines down. Since it's her proper name (as she isn't given any other), it should be Grandma Longneck, both words capitalized. Just explaining the species can remain as lowercase.

At the start of the scene right after the first commercial break, the gang "are looking" for something to eat. You left out the "are" in there.

When the treesweet hits Chomper in the face... "hits" and not "hit". It hits him in the face.

Remember "You're a sharptooth", and "watch where "you're" dropping those". You're is a contraction of you and are. "You are a sharptooth". "You are dropping those". But once again, you're really good with these in your later episodes. :)

OK... you need apostrophes after your "whats". It's what and is. "What's". Contraction here. :)

I don't know if the Professor should cut a "big" hole in it. "Hole" would do fine, but if you really need to denote size, I'd go with "large" here as "big" is sort of plain.

When Spike takes a sip and "shows how much he likes it", once again, this is a little dull, and can be flavored up a little. "His face brightens up upon taking a sip" or something like that. Try to show and not tell your audience what is going on. If you just outright state it, it can tend to sound a little flat.

When the flyers grab Cera, the flyer owns its talon, so it's "flyer's talon" and not "flyers talon". It belongs to the flyer, so hence needs apostrophe S.

When Grandma Longneck is talking about legends, it's "a legend that the past" not "passed". Passed is past tense of pass, but past is the period of time before the present. :)

Once again, "flyer's leg" not "flyers leg" as the flyer owns the leg, it's his, so apostrophe S.

Right after the second commercial break you have an apostrophe after doesn't, so it looks like "doesn't'". You don't need that second apostrophe. :)

For when the flyer and Cera crash, I'd say "Both of them fall to the ground" rather than "onto the ground". It just sounds better.

Now for when the flyer bites the Professor and it "almost connects" yet it still wounds him? I'd say that the blow connects. :) That just seemed a little choppy, as how can it "almost" connect yet still inflict a "sizable" wound as you described? So I'd reword that a little so it doesn't contradict itself. :DD

When Chomper tries to distract them, remember to end his speech with ">" if that's what you're using.

When the other flyer looks down and "lets out a sort of low roar" just eliminate "sort of". He doesn't sort of roar, he "lets out a low roar". Forceful! Remember it's action. No adverbs. :)

Toward the end, when Littlefoot mentions his talk he had with his grandfather, he says "again" twice. It sounds repetitive, so I'd say: "I got to talk to Grandpa Longneck. I never thought I'd get to talk to him again." Keep the second again, but dispose of the first.

"The gang just moans" I'd drop the adverb "just" here and make it "The gang moan back at him" in addition to dropping the S at the end of moans. Gang is plural, so they moan.

OK... that's it for grammar and punctuation. Here are my thoughts. This chapter was just a little confusing for me. It had good action, and definitely good comedy, but the flyers showing up to attack didn't seem to serve much of a purpose. It just seemed a little random to me, and I know that sharpteeth attacks ARE random, but when writing for a story, generally at least, getting attacked has some point to it. Either it went over my head or it just wasn't conveyed strongly enough here. It just seemed like filler to give the gang something to do while Littlefoot communed with his grandfather. I dunno. Maybe it's just me, but it really didn't have much of an impact for me as a reader. The Bron/Littlefoot/Grandma Longneck was definitely the dominant story arc here, and it had both a purpose and left the reader with a sense of accomplishment. The flyer attack just seemed... well random, as I said, and more like filler.

I DID however like the humor. You had some good lines in here, such as the gang screaming out when the Professor removes his shirt, or Chomper coming back with a full belly after what we presume is finishing off one of the flyers. :DD

I enjoyed Chomper's liking of the treesweet juice, as he found something new and had protein explained to him. :DD

I think that aside from the gems in this chapter (I really liked the Bron/Littlefoot/Grandma Longneck arc, as it was very personal and had a sort of "sacred" sense to it), this chapter was just... sort of lacking direction for me. I wasn't really sure what you were trying to do with the flyer attack aside from provide some action for the gang and give them something to do while Littlefoot went on his mission. I think I would have liked to see some more focus, but overall, I most certainly didn't hate it, nor was it boring. You did keep the pacing good, and kept me reading, though I came away from the read scratching my head just a little.

Sorry! Hope it wasn't too negative. :(
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 06, 2011, 07:40:13 PM
It's ok being so negative with this one, I kind of expected it lol. I remember when I wrote that one, I didn't have any ideas really. I figured I needed another episode before the 5th one (Which I really liked writing), so you got this. :lol

One thing was the whole episode was supposed to be a joke in a way. I originally wanted two different plots going on, which suddenly finished, and in the last scene you'd see the aftermath of both of them. I didn't explain if/how Littlefoot talked to his grandfather, and I didn't explain about Chomper's lunch :b. I kind of wanted the reader to guess them self as to what happened.

And I actually expected more of a...response from Chomper apparently eating a dinosaur in the Great Valley. I thought readers would think things like "Did the gang know he did that?" "Did they WANT him to do that?" "Was Chomper acting so angry that They just let him do it, because they didn't want to get in his way?" "What if the grownups found out?" I guess I was wrong :(

I think if Pangaea reviews this one, he'll TEAR it apart :lol

I hope you like the 5th one a lot better. I really liked writing that episode.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on June 07, 2011, 06:42:22 PM
Nice episode, my friend. I'm not much of a screenwriter. But you're pretty good at it. So keep it up, young one.  :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 10, 2011, 02:25:17 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Mar 26 2011 on  11:33 PM
Episode 5 - A Sharptooth in Need

Scene: The great valley, in the morning.

Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, Petrie, Ruby, Chomper and the professor are having a race.

Professor: Breathing very heavily, then tripping and falling over. "Gah! I was never good at this!"

Chomper: Cuts ahead of everyone else. "Ha, I'm winning!"

Petrie: Flies over Chomper's head, "Not anymore you not!" He makes it to the tree at the finish line. "Me Win!"

Littlefoot: Running up. "Good race, everyone!"

Cera: "I'll win next time!"

A flying Sharptooth comes flying in from across the cliff at the edge of the Great Valley.

Ducky: "Oh no, The flying sharptooth is back!"

Chomper: "No wait, this is a different one. I know him." He walks up ahead of the rest of the gang.

The sharptoothed flyer lands in front of Chomper and the Gang. He licks his lips at the Flatteeth, but doesn't move. He starts talking to Chomper in the Sharptooth language. Chomper talks back, and they have a conversation.

Petrie: "What they talking about?"

Professor: "Probably which one of us he wants first."

Cera: "I hope not!"

The Flyer says something to Chomper, and Chomper gets a look of surprise on his face.

Chomper: "No, NO! It can't be!"

The flyer takes off, and leaves the Great Valley.

Littlefoot: Walks up to the side of Chomper. "Whats wrong, Chomper."

Chomper: "It's my mommy. She is really sick. My dad thinks she is dying!"

Cera: Gasps. "That's awful!"

Chomper: "We have to go help her!"

Professor: "Well, I'm not going."

Ducky: "You need to go, you do!"

Ruby: "Ducky is right. Your a farwalker. You know a lot of things. You could help her using the things that you know."

Chomper: "Please. Help her Professor."

Littlefoot: Pushes on the Professor's back with his head. "Come on, you have to!"

Professor: "Oh, I suppose I'll go."

Chomper: Smiles. "Thank you! Thank you so much Professor!"

Ducky: "Lets all go. I want to see Chomper's parents again!"

Ruby: "And we'd be safer if we had friends with us."

Professor: "WHAT!?"

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond. It's fairly foggy.

The whole Gang is walking through the fog in search of Comper parents.

Chomper: "They have to be here somewhere."

Professor: "I don't know why you flatteeth wanted to come along. Aren't those big Sharpteeth just going to eat you?

Littlefoot: "Oh, they wouldn't eat us. We're Chomper's friends."

Professor: "I still don't believe it."

Chomper: "We'll, when me and my parents were on that island, my friends got stuck on it one time. Littlefoot saved my life, And my parents said that they would all be safe with them."

Professor: "Really?"

Chomper: "Yeah. It's all true."

Petrie: "So we going back to island?"

Chomper: "No, they don't live there anymore. They live deep in the Mysterious Beyond now.

Littlefoot: "What happened?"

Chomper: "We had to leave. We were running out of food."

Cera: "He means WE left!"

Littlefoot stares angrily at Cera.

Chomper: "Elsie helped us get across the Big Water. It wasn't easy, since both my paretns are pretty big, but we managed it somehow."

Ruby: "And now they are here, away from Redclaw."

Professor: "So Redclaw isn't out here?

Chomper: "No. He stays around the Great Valley. Thats why we run in to him all the time!"

Sharptooth roars are heard.

Cera: "Is that your parents, Chomper?"

Chomper: Gulps. "Nope, it's not!"

Ducky: "That is what I was afraid of, oh no."

A Fast Biter Walks out of the mist, growls, and snaps it's mouth at the Gang.

Chomper: "Run!"

The whole Gang runs off, with the Fast Biter following.

Littlefoot: "Is it Screech or Thud?"

Chomper: "No, it's not either of them either."

The Fast Biter Roars at them again.

Chomper: "Sounds just as mean, though!"

The Gang is chased by the Fast Biter to a dead end rock wall.

Professor: "Who put this here?"

Petrie: "We done for. He gonna eat us!"

Cera: "Can you do anything Chomper?"

Chomper: "He's too big for me!"

Littlefoot: "You have to do something!"

Chomper growls at the fastbiter in sharptooth, but the fastbiter just growls back and laughs.

Chomper: "I didn't think that would work."

The Gang takes steps backwards until they're up against the rock wall, and can go no further.

Ruby: "I didn't think we would die by a sharptooth by trying to help another
Sharptooth!"

A very loud roar is heard from behind the Fast Biter. The Fast Biter runs off to the side to get away.

Ducky: wiping her head. "Whew."

The ground starts shaking.

Cera: "Earth shake?"

Littlefoot: "No, something BIG is coming!"

A T-Rex Sharptooh Comes walking up to the Gang. It roars at them. The whole Gang Screams.

-----------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

The giant sharptooth roars at the Gang again, and then appears to be laughing.

Chomper: his face lights up. "Dad!"

Professor: Removing his hands from his face. "So, this is Chomper's dad?"

Petrie: "That what he just said, Hatchling!"

Cera: "So, what did your dad say, Chomper?"

Chomper: "He said your all so cute when your scared!"

Cera: Exclaiming. "WHAT!?" Taking a big step towards Chomper's Dad "And what gives You the right to laugh at us like that?

Chomper's Dad takes a step toward Cera, and the ground shakes again.

Cera: "Um, good point."

Chomper's dad Roars again.

Chomper: "He said don't worry. He won't eat any of you."

Chomper's Dad: Lowers his head to look at the Professor. He licks his lips. <What about this little morsel?>

Chomper: runs up between his dad and the Professor. <He's my friend too. He's here to help Mom!>

Chomper's Dad: <Well, ok then. Let me take you to your mom.>

Chomper: <Let's go! I want to see her!> At the Gang. "Alright, We're going to go see my Mom now."

The Gang starts following Chomper's Dad into the woods.

Scene: A clearing in the forest. Chomper's Mom is laying down in the Clearing.

Chomper's Dad walks out of the forests, and the Gang follows.

Chomper: Get's a concerned look on his face, and runs over to his mom. <Mom! Whats wrong?>

Chomper's Mom: lets out a low and hard to hear growl. <Hey darling. I have missed you a lot.> She takes in a weak breath. < I have been sick for days, and it keeps getting worse.>

Chomper's dad walks over and nuzzles his mate.

Chomper: "She's real bad."

Professor: "Will you translate for me? I'll take a look at her."

Chomper: "Sure I will! What should I say?" he translates the next few lines from his mom.

Professor: "Where does it hurt?

Chomper: "It hurts all over."

Professor: "Hm. Does your bones hurt?

Chomper: "I think so."

Professor: "Are you lightheaded? DO you have a bad headache?"

Chomper: "Yes, my head hurts A lot too."

Professor: Climbs up Chomper's Mom's face, opens one of her eyelids wide, and shines his flashlight in it. "Wow, Her eyes are Really bloodshot."

Chomper: "Is that bad?"

Professor: "I don't know yet. I'll have to take a look in her throat."

Chomper and his mom Talk back and forth in Sharptooth.

Chomper: "My mom said she can't open her mouth enough. We'll have to help her."

The Gang gets slightly worried looks on their faces, but they decide to help.

Littlefoot: "I guess we need to help her."

The Gang crowds around the mouth of Chomper's mom. They try to push up on her lip and gums while staying away from her teeth. Her mouth slowly opens up, And the Professor climbs in.

Professor: "Wow, it sure is smelly in here. At least it's breezy." He walks to the back of her throat, and peeks down. "These walls sure do look red and irritated." He climbs out of the mouth of Chomper's Mother.

Chomper: "Well...?"

Professor: "It looks pretty bad, but I think I know what will help her. I remember a special nectar my people made medicine out of. some Epiphyllum Oxypetalum should work."

Littlefoot: "Epi...what?"

Ducky: "Your kind sure do have strange names for everything, they do."

Professor: "Sorry about that. Um, it's a flower that only blooms at night, and it is gold in color."

Ducky: "Oh, I know what you are talking about now. You mean night flowers?"

Professor: "Yeah, thats probably it."

Littlefoot: "I remember. One time we went to this place called the Land of Mists."

Littlefoot: "There are a lot of night flowers there."

Cera: "...And I think it's close to here too."

Professor: "Well, I'll go there and get some then."

Ducky: "I will go with you too. You do not know the way."

Chomper: "You sure you want to go? It might be dangerous."

Professor: Pulls out some kind of handheld weapon out of his backpack. " We'll be fine. I'm really more concerned about Littlefoot and the other flatteeth."

Chomper: "If you mean what I think you do, you don't have to worry. They'll be safe with us!"

Ducky: Pulling on the Professor's leg. "Let us go already. We cannot waste any time, no no no!"

Professor: "Oh, ok."

Ruby: "I Want to see the this Land of Mists too, so I'll come along to see it."

The Professor, Ruby and Ducky head off toward the Land of Mists. The rest of the Gang wave goodbye to them.

Scene: The Great Valley. All the grownups are coming together. Spike is sleeping next to Ducky's Mom.

Ducky's mom: "Hey, does anybody know where ducky is?"

Bron: "No."

Grandma Longneck: "Has anybody seen Littlefoot?"

Petrie's Mom: "No, I haven't seen either of them. Wait, Wheres Petrie?"

Tria: "And what about Cera?"

Mr.Threehorn: "I don't think anybody has seen them all day."

Bron: "Whats going on? All the kids are gone!"

Shorty: Walking up to Bron. "I'm here."

Bron: "Did any of the kids tell you what they were going to do, Shorty?"

Shorty: "No, None of them talked to me today. I don't know where they are."

Mr.Threegorn: Has a angry but also worried look on his face. "Looks like we have to look for them again!"

Scene: The same clearing in the Mysterious Beyond, at night. The Gang are huddled around Chompers parents. They are telling stories and remembering the past. Chomper is translating for everyone, so the Flatteeth and Sharpteeth know what eachother are saying.

Littlefoot: "So I was the only one to come back to Chomper. He was such a little hatchling then, and he needed someone."

Cera: "Yeah. Littlefoot brought Chomper back to us. Then that little sharptooth bit my tail!"

Chomper's Dad: Laughs. <I always knew Chomper would be a good hunter!>

Petrie: "Me no think that something to laugh about..."

Littlefoot: "A little later that day. I remember both of you found me and Chomper on a log. Chomper said something to you, and you just took him. Did he tell you not to eat me?"

Chomper's Dad: <No, Chomper couldn't really talk yet. You did look pretty tasty, Littlefoot, but We were just glad to find Chomper.>

Littlefoot takes a step back.

Chomper's Dad: <I still find it really strange that Chomper is friends with all of you.>

Chomper: Chomper doesn't translate this, but instead replies back. <Well, they saved my life. Twice even. Aren't you grateful for that?>

Chomper's Dad: <Of course I am, but I still find it weird.>

Cera: "What are they talking about now?"

Chomper: Trying to reassure Cera. "Nothing! It was nothing."

Littlefoot: "Well, it's getting late now. We should go to sleep."

Chomper: "Your right, Littefoot. I guess the Professor and Ducky will be back in the morning then."

Cera: "Good night."

Petrie: "Night Cera."

Littlefoot: "Good night, everyone!"

Everyone else says good night and goes to sleep. Littlefoot lays down his head, closes his eyes, and the scene cuts out.

--------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------

Scene: Morning in the forest clearing.

Both of Chomper's Parents are awake. Chomper and the Gang are still asleep. Littlefoot opens his eyes to see a dead Domehead in front of him. Chomper's Mom is eating from it. Littlefoot jumps and screams. Chomper and the Rest of the Gang wake up and see the Dead dinosaur as well.

Cera: "RUN!"

The Gang tries to run away. Chomper just stands there in shock. Chomper's Dad blocks their path.

Littlefoot: "Whats going on?"

Chomper's Dad: <Well, Chomper's Mom had to eat, and she couldn't get up and eat somewhere else, so I had to kill something and bring it to her.>

Chomper: Looks down in shame. "I'm sorry you had to see that, guys."

Chomper's Dad: <I'm not!>

Chomper: <That's a very mean thing to say, Dad!>

Chomper's Dad just walks off towards Chomper's Mom.

Littlefoot: "Well, at least she isn't eating us. We should be grateful for that."

From the distance, everyone hears the voice of the Professor.

Professor: Yelling. "Hello? Are you still there? Did They eat you all yet?"

Chomper: Yelling back. "Nope, they're still here!"

Professor: "Whatever."

Cera: "Welcome back Ducky and Ruby. And the Professor too, I guess."

Ducky: "Hey everyone."

Ruby: "Yes, hello. It was so fun having fun in the Land of Mists."

Petrie: "You bring back night flowers?"

Professor: "Of course. Got a hot steaming batch right here!"

Chomper: "Thats good to hear!"

Scene fades into the next scene.

Scene: The Gang is around Chomper's Mom.

Chomper's Mom is eating the Night Flowers. She doesn't look like she likes it.

Chomper: <How is it?>

Chomper's Mom: <Bleh, I liked that Domehead a lot better.>

Chomper: <Well Just eat it. It'll make you feel better!>

Littlefoot: "I never knew a sharpteeth would eat any greenfood."

Chomper: "We don't, unless it's medicine. Even then, we don't like it."

Professor: "So, how is she? Is she feeling any better?"

Chomper's Mom: <Other than that bad taste in my mouth, I'm felling better.> She struggles a little bit, and is able to stand up.

The Gang cheers. Chomper and his dad roar. The scene fades into the next scene.

Scene: "Somewhere else in the Mysterious beyond, a little closer to the Great Valley.

Chomper, Ruby, The Professor, and the Gang are heading back to the Great Valley. Chomper's mom and dad are waving goodbye to them.

Cera: "I'll feel a lot better when we make it back to the Great Valley.

Chomper: looking down at the ground "Yeah, I guess my Parents were pretty bad."

Littlefoot: "No they weren't, Chomper. They weren't as nice as you are, but they were kind of nice."

Professor: "Yeah, I guess they aren't That bad."

Ruby: "Well, they are friends with my parents. They might act mean sometimes, but they do act nice sometimes too."

Ducky: "I like them a lot better than Redclaw, I do."

Chomper looks up at everyone else and smiles. "Thank you. Your all so understanding."

The Gang walk off into the distance, and the scene starts to fades out.

Cera: "Hey wait a second!"

The scene comes back.

Cera: "Did you tell everyone where we were going, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "Um, Uh..."

Scene fades out again.

END
OK, so here's my review of chapter 5!

When Ducky mentions the flying sharptooth is returning, don't capitalize "the" as you used a comma. In terms of power, comma is weakest, but most often used because it's useful in breaking up sentences and thoughts and indicating pauses in speech. Semicolon is next most powerful, as it breaks up two related clauses that just aren't close enough to be separated by a comma, but do not need to be stopped outright with a period. And a period is the most powerful, as it terminates a sentence entirely and begins a new one after it. That's a helpful tip to use when writing. :)

Rather than say that Chomper and the sharptooth "have a conversation", you can just shorten up by saying "they converse". :) Same with "Chomper gets a look of surprise on his face." Too wordy. :) Go with "Chomper appears surprised" or even just "Chomper seems surprised".

Littlefoot asks Chomper what's wrong, so question mark should end that sentence.

When Ruby calls the Professor a farwalker "you're" a farwalker, as it's "you are". :)

They're searching for "Chomper's parents" not "Comper parents". Sure that was just a typo or something. Make sure to catch those when you proofread. :) And on that note, a little later on, "paretns" is a misspelling of "parents."

And just a few lines on, "That's why we run into him all the time." Put in to together and put an apostrophe on thats as it is that is.

Once again, I'd just say "The whole Gang runs" instead of using off, as we can assume they're running away and not toward the sharptooth. :)

You don't need "either" twice when Chomper says it's neither Thud nor Screech. You can just say "It's not them either."

"He said you're all so cute when you're scared". Need to use "you're" in there instead of "your". :) Good line though. :DD

You don't need to capitalize "You" when Cera addresses Chomper's dad. Can capitalize the whole word if you want to emphasize it, or use italics, but doesn't need to be capitalized.

Chomper "gets" a concerned look on his face, as get doesn't own anything nor is it a contraction. :) Also, remember apostrophe after "what" again, as what is.

It should be "Do your bones hurt?" when the Professor asks the question, not does. There are some more capitalized words that don't need it, but I'm assuming they're typos such as "Really" and "Her" when they don't begin a sentence. Remember to only capitalize proper nouns (like names) or if a word starts a sentence off. Otherwise, you shouldn't need capitalization except on things like "I", as I is always capitalized.

In eliminating wordy sentences, you can just say "He climbs out of the mouth" as you know it's Chomper's mother, you don't need to reiterate it. :)

"Where's Petrie?" when Petrie's mother asks. Where and is, it's a contraction, so need an apostrophe. :)

Mr. Threehorn has "an" angry look, not "a" angry look.

"eachother" should be two separate words, not one.

I see some more "your" when it should be "you're", but you're pretty good with this in your most recent works, so yeah, I won't really dwell and point every single one out. I think you get the idea that you and are is "you're" and your is something "you" own, like your car, your house, your name, whatever.

When Littlefoot says he never knew a sharptooth would eat greens, it should be tooth singular, not teeth.

The scene starts to "fade out" not fades. Right when Cera stops the scene from fading out (which was good. :DD).

And that's it for grammar and punctuation.

Well this was a pretty awesome episode. A return to see Chomper's parents, and I really liked how you set it up as well. Nicely written, and you set up some good suspense when he received news that his mother was very sick. It created tension and set the plot, and you DEFINITELY had a more solid story this time around, and I didn't ever once feel like anything was filler in here.

There were a few choppy dialogue bits, but nothing too major. It could do with some cleaning and such, but I don't think it jumped off the site at me or anything. The story was good, and well... some of the dialogue was hilarious, especially with Chomper's father. XD Well done on those bits. :DD

The conflict was good I think, because you kept the reader hoping things would turn out OK, after socking them in the face with that whole "Guess what? Your mother is very sick" opening. It was like uh oh, this ain't good. But yeah, it flowed well, and left you guessing as to what the ending would be, and left you satisfied when it DIDN'T end with her death, so well done. :)

I think my favorite bit was the Littlefoot conversing with Chomper's dad via translation. Loved that dialogue. :DD

And this review is my 200th post! :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 11, 2011, 04:25:08 PM
Here's Episode 18! Sorry it was late guys. Things came up, and you know how it is. This is a touching flashback episode that answers some questions, and raises some new ones. Hope you enjoy!

Oh, and thanks Pterano for proofreading this!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 18 - That Spark for Adventure!

With the vocal talents of Chomper!

Scene: A small forest in the Great Valley.

No one is on screen. Instead, you can only hear them.

Littlefoot: "Come on Professor, I want to see the new thing that you made."

Cera: "Yeah. What is it already?"

Professor: "Well, Let me show you."

Ducky: "Ooh, it looks pretty, yes it does."

Ruby: "I really like it, whatever it is."

Cera: "Uh..."

Petrie: "What that?"

Professor: "...oops."

Littlefoot: "Run!"

Dinosaurs start pouring out of the forest. The Gang runs out first, screaming, and then a few tinysauruses. An explosion is heard, and the ground shakes. Finally, the Professor comes running out, looking blackened from the char and smoke.

Professor: Dusting himself off. "Well, that was weird."

Littlefoot: Walking back. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Professor: "Hmm, perhaps I overloaded it. That's all I can think of."

Cera: Walking up. "What in the world was that!? You almost got us killed!"

Littlefoot: "I'm sure the Professor didn't mean it, Cera."

Professor: "I was only trying to make something fun for you guys. I'm sorry it turned out like that."

Ducky: Walking up. "Oh, it is okay, Professor."

Ruby: "Yeah, it was kind of fun actually."

Littlefoot: "I thought it was fun too!"

Professor: "Maybe you all would be safer without me." He walks off.

Petrie: "What get in him?"

Littlefoot: "I think he just feels bad for what happened. I'm sure he'll feel better soon."

Scene: A hill in the Great Valley, at night.

The Professor is sitting on a rock on the hill, looking out over the Great Valley. Littlefoot walks up to him.

Littlefoot: "Professor?"

Professor: "Hm? Oh, it's you. Hello Littlefoot."

Littlefoot: "What are you doing up so late?"

Professor: "You know, I could ask you the same thing."

Littlefoot: "I asked first!"

Professor: "I just feel bad about almost getting you all killed...again."

Littlefoot: "Oh, it's alright Professor. We're all glad to have you around, especially me.

Professor: "You are?"

Littlefoot: "In fact, you've been a sort of inspiration for me."

Professor: "Inspiration? How?"

Littlefoot: "Let me tell you a story. Maybe it'll help you understand.

Professor: "A Story? Hmm, this could be interesting."

Littlefoot: "Let's see, I guess I can start it about a cold time ago..."

Scene: The Great Valley, close to the longneck nest.

Grandpa Longneck is laying on the ground. Grandma Longneck comes up.

Littlefoot: Narrating. "Bron and his herd had just come for their scheduled visit. Me and shorty were out playing."

Grandpa Longneck: "Hello dear. How has Bron's herd been?"

Grandma Longneck: "I think I should be asking how you've been, Grandpa."

Grandpa Longneck: "Me? Oh, it's nothing. Just feeling a little sore today, that is all."

Littlefoot and Shorty run up to the two old longnecks, laughing.

Shorty: "That was a lot of fun!"

Littlefoot: "It sure was!"

Grandma Longneck: "What have you two been up to today?"

Littlefoot: "Just some games."

Shorty: "Yeah, just a little tag."

Littlefoot: Looking at Grandpa Longneck. "Grandpa, are you okay?"

Grandpa Longneck: "I'm just fine, Littlefoot. You don't have to worry about me!"

Littlefoot: "Well, okay.

Shorty: "We're going to go play with our friends some more."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, see you later!"

Grandma Longneck: "Have fun!"

Grandpa Longneck: "And be safe, little ones."

The two younger longnecks run off.

Grandma Longneck: "Grandpa, you were never a very good liar!"

Grandpa Longneck: Sighs. "I know."

Littlefoot: Narrating. "I didn't really suspect anything yet."

Scene: The Great Valley, at night.

At the Longneck nest, Littlefoot and Shorty are asleep, but the three grownup longnecks are nowhere to be found.

Littlefoot: Narrating. "I didn't see it happen, but I know something went on that night."

Camera pans over to the Great Meeting Circle in the distance, where the grownups are gathered.

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle.

Murmuring is heard among the gathered adults. Many look worried and confused. Grandpa Longneck slowly makes his way to the front of the group.

Grandpa Longneck: "Welcome. Thank you everyone for coming tonight. I know this is sudden, but I just feel this has to be done NOW."

Mr. Threehorn: "What are you talking about, Grandpa?"

Ducky's Mom: "Yeah, you woke everyone one up for this. What's going on?"

Grandpa Longneck: "I have an announcement to make."

Petrie's Mom: "Announcement? At this time of night?"

Grandpa Longneck: "As some of you may have noticed, I'm not as spry as I used to be. Lately, my health has just been getting worse and worse."

All of the adults fall silent.

Grandpa Longneck: "So, I am just going to go ahead and get this out of the way. As my final act as the head of the Great Valley Council, I name Bron as the new head of the Council."

The adults gasp.

Grandpa Longneck: "Tomorrow, I will be making the walk."

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------


Scene: The Great Valley, at the entrance to the Hidden Valley.

Grandpa Longneck, Bron and Shorty are there.

Bron: "Shorty, you should go get Littlefoot. I'm sure he wants to say goodbye as well."

Shorty: "Okay, dad." He runs off.

Grandpa Longneck: "Now, before I go, I have something else to tell you. Something important."

Bron: "And what might that be?"

Grandpa Longneck: "Well, it concerns Chomper."

Bron: "Ah yes, Littlefoot's little sharptoothed friend. What about him?"

Grandpa Longneck: "Well, it has to do with when he gets older...and bigger. I know what most everyone else will want to do with him, but I have a different plan."

Bron: "A plan? For Chomper?"

Grandpa Longneck: "Yes. Maybe you'd understand better if I told you a story."

Grandpa Longneck and Bron continue to talk, but you can no longer hear them. The camera pans to the Longneck nest, where Shorty has just arrived.

Shorty: "Hey, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "Yes?"

Shorty: "Bron wants you to come to the Hidden Valley entrance. He says it's important."

Littlefoot: "Okay. Let's get our friends together too."

Camera snaps back to Grandpa Longneck and Bron.

Bron: "Is that true?"

Grandpa Longneck: "I believe it is. This story has been passed down through my family for many generations, and I think it's stayed so long for a purpose.

Bron: "So then, you would REALLY do that for Chomper?"

Grandpa Longneck: "Yes, I would. I know every one else will think it is a crazy idea, so I haven't spoken to anyone about it yet."

Bron: "So, you want me to do it?"

Grandpa Longneck: "Yes. I feel bad that I wasn't able to carry it out, but I'm glad you can. I want you to wait till Chomper is older, then bring it up. Don't speak to anyone about it right now. Understand?"

Bron: Yes, I understand."

The whole Gang, Shorty and Grandma Longneck make it to the two adult longnecks.

Littlefoot: Walking up. "Hello, everyone! What's going on?"

Shorty: "Grandpa has to leave!"

Bron: "Shorty!"

Littlefoot: "Leave?"

Grandpa Longneck: "Yes. I have to leave."

Littlefoot: "But...why?"

Grandpa Longneck: "I don't have much time left, little one."

The rest of the Gang stand back and stay silent for the longnecks.

Littlefoot: "What are you talking about?"

Grandpa Longneck: "I fear I may have waited too long already. I'm sorry this is so sudden, Littlefoot, but I need to leave."

Grandpa Longneck starts to turn around to make his way to the Hidden Valley.

Littlefoot: Tears in his eyes. "Grandpa! NO! Don't go!"

Grandpa Longneck: Sighs. "I'm sorry, Littlefoot, but my time has come."

Littlefoot: "No!"

Grandpa Longneck: "Littlefoot, listen to me. You don't have to be sad, I've lived a good, full life."

Littlefoot: "But...but..."

Grandpa Longneck: "Remember, I'll always be there for you...Goodbye Littlefoot."

Grandpa Longneck starts to walk off, but almost falls down.

Grandma Longneck: Walking up to Grandpa. "Oh dear. Do you need some help?"

Grandpa Longneck: "You're supposed to go alone, but I guess I can't do that now."

Grandma Longneck goes with Grandpa Longneck to help him get out of the Great Valley. Chomper suddenly starts growling in sharptooth. Littlefoot and Bron, surprised, turn their attention to him. His growl changes to a low toned, somber sounding roar, that carries on for a few seconds. Tears form in his eyes. His voice gets higher pitched for a second, then lowers drastically, until it hits a resonance. His roar starts to echo throughout that part of the valley, then he stops. The echo of his roar leaves an eerie silence.

Littlefoot: "...What was that?"

Chomper: "It's called the Sharptooth Song of Passing."

Bron: "Song of Passing?"

Chomper: "That's right. We sing it whenever a loved-one passes on."

Littlefoot: "That's very different from any sharptooth growl I ever heard."

Bron: "It almost sounded beautiful in a way. I think I've heard that a couple of times before in the Mysterious Beyond."

Littlefoot turns his attention to Grandma and Grandpa Longneck, now far in the distance. He takes a few steps towards the Hidden Valley, then stops. Bron walks up beside him, while Chomper and the rest of the Gang stay behind to give him space.

Littlefoot: Starting to tear up again. "...Goodbye...Grandpa."

-------------------------------<commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: The hill in the Great Valley, in the present.

Professor: "Um, good story so far, but could I ask, how does this have anything to do with me?"

Littlefoot: "I'm getting there, just be patient!"

Littlefoot clears his throat, and continues. Scene fades back to the past as he talks.

Littlefoot: Narrating. After my Grandpa left, I changed.

Scene: The Great Valley in the past, at the Longneck nest.

Littlefoot is laying down at the nest, alone. The rest of the Gang walks up to him.

Ducky: "Hello Littlefoot!"

Littlefoot: "...Hi."

Ruby: "You want to go exploring?"

Littlefoot: "Not really."

Cera: "What's wrong, Littlefoot? You don't ever want to go exploring anymore."

Littlefoot: "It's just that it's dangerous out there. I'd rather just stay here, and be safe."

Chomper: "Well, okay then."

Ruby: "Let's go on, I guess."

The group walk off, and the camera pans to follow them.

Chomper: "What's wrong with Littlefoot? That sounded nothing like him!"

Ducky: "I do not know, Chomper, no."

Littlefoot: Narrating. "For a while after that, I didn't want to go adventuring anymore. I just...I guess I... didn't want to find my grandpa out there, if you know what I mean.

Scene: The secret caves.

The Gang are walking through the caves, with Cera leading and Littlefoot bringing up the rear.

Littlefoot: "Guys. I don't really want to go to the Mysterious Beyond. It's too dangerous out there.

Cera: "Oh, come on, it won't be so bad!"

Littlefoot: Narrating. "They tried to get me to go with them many times."

The Gang walks up to a small hole at the end of the caves.

Ruby: "Well, here we are. This will lead into the Mysterious Beyond, just like it always does."

Cera tries to go through the hole, but gets stuck.

Cera: "Um, I can't get out!"

Ruby: "Here, We'll try to pull you out, so you won't be stuck anymore."

Ruby grabs one leg, while Chomper grabs the other. Spike pulls on Chomper's tail. Littlefoot just sits back.

Cera: "It's not working!"

Chomper: "Hmm, maybe I could help you lose some weight later."

Everyone else stares at him.

Cera: "What's that even supposed to mean!?"

Chomper: Thinking. "...Oh...Never mind then."

Ruby: "Littlefoot, we need some help!"

Littlefoot joins the pulling party by biting onto Ruby's tail. Cera finally pops out.

Ruby: "Hmm, I guess we can't go this way anymore."

Cera: "But, we've been going this way for years!"

Petrie: "What about Hidden Valley?"

Ducky: "Yes, we can still go that way!"

Littlefoot: "I'm just going to go home."

Chomper: "But Littlefoot, don't you like adventures?"

Littlefoot walks off.

Cera: "...You know, it just isn't as fun without him."

Littlefoot: Narrating. "This went on for a long time; And then that special day happened."

Scene: The Great Valley, in the morning, at the longneck nest.

Littlefoot is sleeping in the nest, restless. Shorty and Grandma Longneck are also asleep, while Bron is already awake. Littlefoot suddenly wakes up.

Littlefoot: "No!"

Bron: "Morning Littlefoot. Did you have another scary sleep story?

Littlefoot: "Yes. It's the same one I've been having for days..."

Littlefoot: Narrating. "I remember I had that dream about Grandpa that morning. The one where I relived what happened when he left. I felt a little better that day though, because I actually felt like playing with everyone else."

Scene: The Great Valley, in the middle of the day.

The camera is fixed close the ground, seeming to show nothing at first. Suddenly, Littlefoot and the Professor come rolling up on screen. Littlefoot ends up on top of the Professor, and they both yell in terror. Littlefoot and the rest of the Gang run away and meet up with Bron and Mr. Threehorn.

Littlefoot: Narrating. "It was on that day that I first met you, Professor."

Bron finishes talking to Mr. Threehorn, and turns to Littlefoot.

Bron: "Kids, be careful. Stay away from that thing, and if you see it again, call for help."

Littlefoot: "Okay, dad, I will."

Littlefoot turns around, and stares in the direction the Professor ran to. he looks like he's thinking.

Littlefoot: Narrating. "When I saw you, Professor, something just seemed to click. You were such a strange creature, not like anything I had ever seen before! I suddenly felt like I wanted to meet you. To get to know you."

After Bron and Mr. Threehorn walk off, Littlefoot turns to the rest of the Gang.

Littlefoot: "Lets go find that thing again, I want to see it!"

The flashback ends.

Littlefoot: "I'm sure you didn't realize it, but you made me want to explore again!"

Professor: "Really?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, you were that spark for adventure that I needed!"

Professor: Chuckling. "So I did all of that for you, huh? And I wasn't even trying!"

Littlefoot: "So, you see why I like having you around at least?"

Professor: "I suppose so."

Littlefoot: "You're really strange, Professor, but that's what I like about you!"

Professor: "Well, I think I'll head back to my cave now."

Littlefoot: "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

The dinosaur and the human walk off in different directions.

Littlefoot: "Hmm. I wonder what he'll be up to tomorrow?"

END

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 :cry

Yay! Now for the Chomper episode! next week's episode will feature three new OC's, a group of young fast biters named Guaro, Bo, and the littlest one, Cutter. It'll put Chomper in a rather...interesting situation. Look out for "Our Very Own Redclaw!" coming on the 17th!

Oh, and I'm pretty far along on writing that episode, so no need to worry about that one being late!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 11, 2011, 04:45:55 PM
No problem! I enjoy helping you out! :DD

Well as I told you earlier, I shed a few tears reading this chapter. You really captured your emotions well here, and seeing Grandpa Longneck walk off like that was pretty heart rending. I knew it was coming, but jeez, I didn't think it'd be so... sad.  :cry

Not only that, but I really liked the transition from Littlefoot's depression to his meeting the Professor. When I read that, I was like ahhhh OK... NOW it's coming together. Well done on that. :)

You're now two for two in writing a very personal story that speaks to your reader. It's pretty good to see you going back to back for these, and I'd say this episode was one of your most powerful that I've read yet.

My favorite part? Definitely Chomper's Song of Passing. That was incredible, and you wrote it well enough (even without my few little corrections) to really capture the essence of what was going on, and I could picture and hear it all in my mind's eye and ear. :) I REALLY liked that bit, and it showed a softer side to Chomper too.

Keep up the good work! Looking forward to next week's episode! :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 16, 2011, 08:33:03 AM
Okay, I WAS going to wait till tomorrow to post the next episode, but I've had it done since yesterday. I figure that since I was a day late last week, I can make it up now by posting this one a day early. Enjoy!

As always, Thanks Pterano for proof reading!

I'd also like to thank two other members for help in this episode. Joshua1127 thought up the fast biter OC names Guaro and Bo, while Pangaea thought up Cutter, which makes a lot of sense in my eyes, and really goes along with Chomper (As two names for things sharpteeth do).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 19 - Our Very Own Redclaw!

The continuing adventures of Guaro and his merry men!

Scene: The Great Valley, early afternoon, at the hot mud pool.

Ruby, Spike, the Professor and Tria are there, relaxing in the mud.

Ruby: "This is so nice, it's so nice relaxing in the hot mud.

Spike: "Yuh huh!"

Tria: "Yeah, it is very nice to just relax sometimes."

Professor: "It's almost like a spa here! I don't see why the others don't ever bother coming!"

Ruby: "Yeah, I wish the others were here too."

Tria: "Hm, what are they doing?"

Ruby: "Out exploring somewhere, I think."

Tria: "Are they okay?"

Ruby: "Hm, maybe I should check on them." She starts to get up, but settles back into the mud. "...Maybe later. I'm sure they're fine."

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond.

The scene shows a jungle. A roar is heard, and the ground shakes. A few small flyers fly up out of the trees. The Gang run past the camera, screaming in terror, then Redclaw comes on screen, following them.

Chomper: "Where do we go?"

Cera: "How am I supposed to know? You know this place better than we do!"

Littlefoot: "We have to find somewhere to hide!"

Chomper: "This way!"

The Gang runs forward until they come to the top of a cliff face.

Ducky: "Oh no!"

Petrie: "What we do?"

The Gang turns around to see Redclaw closing in on them.

Littlefoot: "I don't know what to do! There has always been a log or a vine or something just where you need it!"

Cera: "Humpth! Thanks for pointing that out!"

The Gang screams as Redclaw comes right up to them. They split into two, going in different directions along the cliff face. Chomper goes one way, and everyone goes the other way. Redclaw follows the rest of the Gang. Chomper runs for awhile through some dense greenery, then stops and looks around.

Chomper: "Where did everyone go?"

Chomper wanders around the forest and sniffs the ground.

Chomper: "I can't even smell them anymore. Where did they go?" He sniffs again. "Wait, I smell something."

The bushes next to Chomper shake. Chomper snaps his head in that direction, looking worried.

Chomper: "Wh...Who is it? Come out!"

Three fast biters jump out of the bushes.

One of them is named Guaro. He's the oldest member of the group, about teenaged, and the leader. He's about twice as big as Chomper. He's dark green in color.

The second is named Bo. He's almost as big as Guaro. He's dark blue in color.

The last is named Cutter. He's only a little older than Chomper, and about the same size as him. He's green in color.

Guaro: <Lookie what we have here!>

Chomper: <What do you want?>

Bo: Licking his lips. <You know, it's not often we get to have sharptooth!>

Chomper: "AHHH!"

The two bigger fast biters take steps towards Chomper, while Chomper takes steps back.

Cutter: Looking worried. <Wait!>

Guaro: <What is it?>

Cutter: <Um, I have an idea!>

Cutter motions the other two fast biters into a small circle, and they whisper among themselves. Chomper stares at the group, confused.

Chomper: Whispering. "I wonder what they're talking about?"

Bo: <What's this idea of yours?>

Cutter: <Can't that sharptooth join us?>

Gauro: <What!? He's not even our kind!>

Bo: <And he looks too small to be of much help!>

Cutter: <Uh, yes. he's small now, but he'll get a lot bigger!>

Gauro: <Your point?>

Cutter: <Um, we can raise him, and he can help us when he's bigger. Just think of what he could take down when he's grown up!>

Guaro: <Hmm, that does sound enticing.>

Cutter: <We'd be feared! It'd be like having our very own Redclaw!>

Bo: <Sounds like a plan!>

Gauro: <Okay, we'll give this a shot!>

The three fast biters disperse, and walk up to Chomper, who's still looking worried and confused.

Guaro: <Alright, we've made a decision!>

Chomper: Still looking worried. <What?>

Bo: <We'll give you a choice.>

Guaro: <Either, we'll eat you, or you can join us!>

Chomper: <Um, I think I'll join you.>

Guaro: <Now that's a smart little biter!>

Chomper looks angry, but doesn't reply.

Guaro: <Now lets get you introduced to the rest of the gang! I'm Guaro, the leader.> Pointing to Bo. <Here's Bo. He can be pretty nasty.>

Cutter: <And I'm Cutter.>

Chomper: <Nice to meet all of you...I guess.>

Guaro: <Look out Mysterious Beyond, we've got a new member!>

The three fast biters cheer. Chomper gives off a halfhearted cheer. Guaro and Bo walk off, while Chomper and Cutter both give a sigh of relief.

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: A forest in the Mysterious Beyond.

Chomper and the three fast biters are walking through the forest together.

Guaro: <So, what do you all feel like doing?>

Chomper: <Well, we could play a game.>

Cutter: <Yeah! Let's see, we could play tag, or...>

Guaro: <No time for games!> His stomach growls. <Actually, I'm getting kind of hungry.>

Chomper: <Uh, you are?>

Guaro: Laughs. <Yup! Now what could we have?>

Chomper: <Well, maybe some ground crawlers, or buzzing flyers...>

Bo: <That's hatchling food! Don't you want something a little bigger than that?>

Chomper: Looking worried. <Uh, what do you mean?>

Guaro: Sniffs the air. <I smell something!>

Camera switches to show a young redback hatchling, feeding on a fern. Its parents are nowhere to be seen. Guaro and Bo stick their heads out of the nearby foliage to see the hatchling, followed by Chomper and Cutter.

Bo: <Looks good!>

Guaro shushes Bo, then he whispers to Chomper.

Guaro: "Let's make this your first test, little biter!"

Chomper: "My name is Chomper!"

Guaro: "Whatever. Let's see how much of a hunter you are!"

Chomper looks worried, but he makes his way out of the greens, and tries sneaking up on the Redback. He snaps a twig, causing the Redback to jerk his head. He starts running off, and Chomper gives chase.

Redback Hatchling: "Ahh!"

Chomper: <Um, come here!>

The hatchling breaks through a bush, and Chomper does the same. As Chomper comes in close, a thought crosses his mind.

Chomper: "Wait, I don't want to do this!"

Chomper sees a root sticking out of the ground, and pretends to trip on it.

Chomper: "Just go! Run!"

Chomper gets up from his fake fall, and looks at the little redback. The redback turns around, now a great distance away from Chomper. They both stare at each other for a while. A smile slowly starts to form on the hatchling's face. Suddenly, Guaro and Bo rush in from the side of the screen. Bo bites down hard on the hatchling's neck, and the three dinosaurs tumble off screen. Chomper looks shocked. Then, Cutter slowly walks across the screen towards his brothers. Chomper makes his way to the group.

Guaro: <Heh, not bad for a first try, Chomper, but why did you give up?>

Chomper: "Er, he was too far away. I didn't think I could catch up."

The three fast biters are sticking their heads down off screen, feeding on the dead hatchling.

Bo: <Well, come have a bite.>

Chomper: "I don't really want any."

Guaro: Turning his face to Chomper. <...Why not?>

Chomper: <I'm not very hungry.>

Guaro: <Well, you've got to eat if you're gonna be big and strong.>

Chomper: <I just don't want to...>

Guaro: <I said eat!>

Chomper hesitates for a moment, then sticks his head down for a bite.

Guaro: Laughing <So, how is it?> He slaps Chomper's back.

Scene: A forest in the Mysterious Beyond, at night.

Guaro, Bo, and Cutter are huddled together, asleep. Chomper is a little ways from them, laying on the ground. He can't sleep.

Chomper: Talking to himself. "I wonder if I should try to run?"

Chomper gets up, and starts to sneak off. Bo jerks his head up.

Bo: <You aren't trying to get away, are you?>

Chomper: <Um, no.>

Bo: <Good. I'd have to do something to you if you were...> He smirks, then lays his head down again.

Chomper: sighs. "I hope Littlefoot and everyone else is ok."

Scene: A small cave in the Mysterious Beyond, also at night.

The Gang are spending the night in the small cave.

Cera: "Humpth! Shouldn't we go home?"

Littlefoot: "We can't go home, not now! Chomper's out there somewhere."

Ducky: "Yes, we should find him, we should, we should!"

Petrie: "Me hope he okay!"

Littlefoot: Sighs. "I hope so, too."

Scene: A pond in the Mysterious Beyond.

The three fast biters and Chomper are playing and splashing around in the water. Chomper and Cutter are close together, a small distance from the other two.

Cutter: <Grr! It's Redclaw!>

Chomper: Laughing <Oh no! Run away!>

Guaro: <Will you two keep it down!?>

Cutter: <...Sorry, Guaro.>

Cutter and Chomper stare at each other for a moment, and Chomper walks off to drink some water.

Guaro: Jerks his head up, and sniffs the air. <Hey, I smell something again!>

Chomper: <What?> He sticks his head down for a drink of water.

Guaro: <All kinds of stuff; smells like a buffet!>

Bo: Licks his lips. <Sounds good!>

Guaro: Pointing. <Look! Over there!>

Camera pans to the other side of the pond to show the Gang walking along its banks. Chomper sees the Gang, and does a spit-take, shooting water in Guaro's face.

----------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------

Scene: The same pond.

Camera shows the Gang walking along, then quickly pans to the group of sharpteeth. Chomper has his claws in his mouth, biting them nervously.

Chomper: Suddenly pulling his claws out. "Ow!"

Guaro motions everyone to fall back to the woods behind the pond. Chomper just stands there, so Guaro comes back.

Guaro: <What are you waiting for? Come on!>

Chomper follows Guaro into the woods.

Guaro: <Here's the plan!>

Chomper: <Plan?>

Guaro: <Chomper, you chase them to the right. We'll be waiting there for em!> He smiles smugly.

Chomper: <Uh...okay, boss.>

Chomper walks off from the group of fast biters, who rush deeper into the woods. He splashes through the water towards the Gang.

Cera: "What's that splashing?"

Ducky: "Is it a sharptooth?"

Littlefoot: looking out into the lake. "It's Chomper!

The whole Gang cheer as Chomper nears.

Littlefoot: "Where have you been?"

Chomper: "No time for that! We have to get out of here!"

Petrie: "What going on?"

Chomper: "Just go that way!" He points to the left.

The Gang start running off the way Chomper pointed, while Chomper follows.
Littlefoot: "What are we running from?"

Chomper: "There's some fast biters after us!"

Cera: "Fast biters? You mean Screech and Thud?"

Chomper: "No, it's not them!"

Suddenly, Guaro and Bo break out of the woods next to them, and start chasing.

Littlefoot: "Turn around! The other way!"

Chomper: <Come on! I can't let the same thing happen to them!>

Cera: "What was that?"

Guaro and Bo roar. Cera doesn't get an answer.

The Gang reach a dead end.

Cera: "We're trapped!"

They turn around to see Guaro and Bo sneaking in on them, jaws and claws at the ready.

Littlefoot: "Chomper, do something!

Guaro: <You don't follow direction very well, Chomper. No matter. Dinner's served!>

Chomper: <No it's not!>

Bo: <What are you talking about?>

Chomper: <I'm not going to let you eat my friends!>

Guaro: Laughs. <Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food? Oh well, I guess that plan was pretty foolish to begin with.>

Chomper: <What plan?>

Bo: <We having sharptooth too?>

Guaro: <Yup!>

Chomper: "Ahh!"

Littlefoot: "Chomper?"

Chomper: "...I tried."

The Gang back up until they can go no further. Suddenly, Cutter runs between the two groups.

Cutter: <Redclaw!>

Guaro: <Run!>

Guaro, Bo, and Chomper run off.

Littlefoot: "What's going on?"

Redclaw's roar is heard, and the ground shakes.

Cera: "Redclaw!"

Littlefoot: "Run!"

The Gang take off in the same direction the other sharpteeth just did. Redclaw breaks out of the forest, knocking down several trees. Chomper falls back to the Gang.

Chomper: "Let's go over to the side!"

The Gang go off to the right, into some woods. Redclaw runs past them, chasing the three fast biters.

Littlefoot: "At least he isn't after us now!"

Chomper sticks his head out of the woods, and looks towards Redclaw and the fast biters worriedly.

Littlefoot: "Well, it's good to see you're safe, Chomper. Let's head back to the valley now."

Chomper: "...Okay, let's go."

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, at dusk.

The Gang is walking along a clearing in the forest towards the Great Valley. Suddenly, they hear rustling in the nearby forest. Cutter slowly sticks his head out of the foliage.

Cutter: <Chomper?>

The Gang takes a step back, as Littlefoot gets in front of them defensively.

Littlefoot: "Should we run?"

Chomper: "No, just let me talk to him."

Chomper walks up to the fast biter, while the rest of the Gang stay back.

Chomper: <Hey Cutter!>

Cutter: <Hey. I just wanted to say sorry about earlier. My brothers can be a little...mean.>

Chomper: <Oh, it's alright Cutter! Are they ok?>

Cutter: <Yeah, they got away too.>

Chomper: <That's good to hear!>

Cutter: <I haven't seen you in a long time! Where have you been?>

Chomper: <I've been living in the Great Valley.>

Cutter: <Great Valley?>

Chomper: <Oh, sorry. I meant Flattooth Valley.>

Cutter: <WHAT!? But...that place is dangerous!>

Chomper: Proudly. <Well, that's where I live!>

Cutter: <I don't believe it!>

Chomper: <It's true!>

Cutter: <My parents told me scary stories about that place... about the poor sharpteeth that are stupid enough to enter.>

Chomper: <Aww, they aren't THAT bad! They're a really nice bunch once you get to know them. Maybe I could show you around the place sometime?>

Cutter: <Hmm, that could be fun!> Looking behind Chomper. <So, these are the friends you spoke of?>

Chomper: <Yup!>

Cutter: <I know you said your friends were a little...weird, but I wasn't expecting this!>

Chomper: <Well, we need to go back home now, it's getting pretty late.>

Chomper turns around and begins to leave.

Cutter: <Alright Chomper. I hope we get to meet again!>

Chomper: Turning his head back and waving. <I'm sure we will! Bye for now!>

Littlefoot: "Who was that, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Just an old friend, Littlefoot. Someone I haven't gotten to see in a long time.

Littlefoot: "It's good to hear you have friends, even in the Mysterious Beyond!

Ducky: "Yup yup yup! Good to hear you have friends!

Cera: "Humpth! You never told us about THAT friend!"

Chomper: "I never thought you'd be interested." Starting to leave. "Okay, let's go home now, guys!"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, our folks must be worrying about us right now!"

The Gang walk off into the distance.

Cera: "Hey, anyone remember why we went out here in the first place?"

END

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I had a lot of fun writing this episode :DD

Now, about upcoming episodes; We're coming up on the half-way mark for the second season, so The next two episode's will be focusing on the Professor.

Next weeks episode will be called "Tales of Interest". We will be going into some back story with the Professor (In a humorous way, I might add :DD ). Will the Gang learn anything more about the future? Eh, don't count on it :lol

The next one after that will be a lot more serious, but I'll get to that one later ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 16, 2011, 09:38:09 AM
As always, you're more than welcome! This one certainly needed some cleaning, but it's looking much smoother now! I DID notice that there should be a space between the two lines where the gang runs off in the direction Chmper pointed, and Littlefoot's dialogue though.

Now on to the review itself... I REALLY liked this episode. It focused on Chomper (one of my favorite characters), and told a pretty good story of how he struggles against his own inner nature (which fortunately for him isn't very strong) and others' perceptions of how he should act with how he really is.

I could see that you were building a relationship with Cutter as the plot went on, and I was hoping as I read through that something would come of this, and fortunately, you didn't disappoint in this regard. :DD

I really liked the scene where Chomper is trying to hunt the redback hatchling. I know that hunting a hatchling wouldn't sit well with him at ALL, so I was glad that he let him go, but then the others caught him anyway, yet he still chose to abstain from partaking in the dining. He stuck by his principles and didn't bend on that, and only did when he was essentially ordered to. It was a darker scene, but it worked well with the rest of the story I think.

I also liked when he wasn't able to sleep, and Bo is like "Oh hey there friend... you aren't trying to escape, right? Ahhhh good, because I'd have to rough you up or worse if you were! Night!" XD I know it wasn't a direct quote, I was just paraphrasing there, but yeah, it was pretty funny how they come off as his "friends", but really just force him into doing things. The only genuine one is Cutter in that group. The other two just enjoy wielding their power over him, and nothing more. Cutter is the only one who genuinely likes Chomper and wants to be friends.

Finally, the last scene with Cutter, how Chomper explains to him that those in the Great Valley aren't so bad after all. It was a pretty warm scene for the end, and ended the chapter on a positive note. It wasn't just Cutter who gained a further understanding of Chomper, but his friends as well. Everyone grew a little from this episode, and I liked the character development. And of course... the whole "why are we out here again?" thing. XD

Overall, a really well written episode that told a good story, tested a character to his limit (the question of not just hunting, but hunting his FRIENDS), and showed good character development for not only the aforementioned character, but others as well. This had several aspects of a successful formula for telling a story in it, and you did it quite nicely. :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on June 16, 2011, 11:08:26 AM
nice chapter here, vonboy! So Chomper's joining them fast biters, eh?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on June 16, 2011, 10:01:55 PM
:) Not bad at all Vonboy, like the part where chomper lets the redback go by pretending to trip. I knew Chomper wouldn't hurt anyone   ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mumbling on June 18, 2011, 02:38:14 AM
This fanfiction has been nominated by its author to be rated for the fanfiction awards 2011. To all the readers and fans of this fanfiction, please rate and review (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9467) it! :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 18, 2011, 07:16:15 PM
I've thought about this for awhile, and I thought that since a lot of shows, like Futurama, do this, I'm going to tell the names of all of the rest of the episodes for this season! This will give people an idea of what to expect for the rest of the season, while also keeping it kinda vague. Here's what the rest of the season looks like!

Episode 20 - Tales of Interest
Episode 21 - The Meat Hits the Fan
Episode 22 - Oh, how the Meek Have Fallen
Episode 23 - The Very Sharp Threehorn Girl
Episode 24 - From One Adventurer to Another
Episode 25 - Great Valley: The Grand Tour
Episode 26 - Sweet Dreams
Episode 27 - The Farwalker's World Part 1
Episode 28 - The Farwalker's World Part 2
Episode 29 - The Farwalker's World Part 3

Maybe readers will like to think and imagine what some of these titles entail!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 19, 2011, 02:37:10 PM
Sorry for double posting, But i just want to say that I've decided to put this series on hold for now. I'm going to be spending a lot of time over the next few weeks (Or maybe longer?) Reading everyone elses fanfic's and writing reviews for them in the GoF's first ever Fanfiction Awards! I encourage everyone else to do the same. There's a lot of great fiction on this board (One of my FAVORITE aspects of this community) and all of these authors really need some recognition!

Sorry for anyone that liked reading my fiction. It's just I really want to devote time to this, and I don't want to post garbage up just to keep up with a schedule. (Let's forget season 1 ever happened, shall we :p )
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 19, 2011, 03:08:46 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Apr 1 2011 on  09:46 PM
Episode 6 - The Longneck Girl Returns

Scene: The Longneck nest in the Great Valley, in the morning.

Littlefoot is the only one still at the nest, and he is asleep.

Cera: Walks up to the nest and nudges Littlefoot. "Hey, get up sleepyneck!"

Littefoot: He wakes up and yawns. "Oh, hey Cera. What are you doing here?"

Cera: "Well, I felt like playing something."

Littlefoot: "You know we can't play. We all got in trouble yesterday, remember?"

Cera: "That's not going to stop a Threehorn!"

Littlefoot: "I wouldn't want to mess with Mr.Threehorn. Didn't he chew you out?"

Cera: "Yeah, But I sneaked away."

Littlefoot: "Didn't Mr.Threehorn catch you leaving?"

Cera: "No, he wasn't around when I woke up. Tria and Tricia were gone too."

Littlefoot: "That's weird." He looks around for his folks. "Where's Bron and Grandma?"

Cera: "I don't know, I haven't seen them anywhere either."

Littlefoot: "Well, If no one is here, I guess we could sneak away and look for the others."

Cera: "Now that sounds like a plan!"

Scene: Ducky and Spike are playing in the Watering Hole close to their nest.

Ducky: "I have finally found you spike! It was very hard to find you when you cannot say splasher, it was."

Spike: "Huh..." He isn't very interested. He sticks his head underwater.

Ducky: "What are you doing Spike? I thought we were playing swimmer splasher."

Spike pops his head back out of the water with some water greens in his mouth. He eats them, and goes for another dunk.

Ducky: "I guess this whole time, you were not playing, huh?" She laughs.

Cera: Walking up to the edge of the water. "Hey Ducky and Spike! What are you two doing?"

Ducky: "Eating, I guess, That is what Spike is doing."

Littlefoot: Walking up beside Cera. "Have you see any of the Grownups?"

Ducky: "No, I have not seen anyone. Not even my mom."

Littlefoot: "That sounds very suspicious."

Cera: "Whats wrong? We get to play some when no one is around to yell at us!"

Littlefoot: "But this could be serious. They might be in trouble!"

Cera: "Oh, they can't be in trouble. They're grownups, They'd know what to do."

Littlefoot: "I'm still worried."

Prtrie is flying through the air yelling.

Ducky: "It is Petrie! He does not sound so good."

Petrie: "Oh no, Oh no, Oh nohoho!"

Littlefoot: "What is wrong, Petrie?"

Petrie: He crashes into the side of Littlefoot. "It's horrible!"

Cera: "Petrie, what's wrong?"

Petrie: "It's mom, She not here! She always here when I wake up!"

Littlefoot: "Well, none of our parents are here either."

Cera: "Yeah, It's kind of nice."

Petrie: "Nice? NICE!? What wrong with you!?

Littlefoot: "Calm down Petrie. We're going to go look for them."

Ducky: "Yes, cheer up Petrie. We will find them, yup yup yup!"

Petrie: "Yes. Calm down." He fly's over and lands on Littlefoot's head. "Calm down."

Cera: "Well, if you want to waste our free time looking for the grownups, then I guess I'll help. Besides, I'm the best at finding things."

Chomper: Yelling from a distance "Hey you guys!"

Chomper walks over to the Gang. Ruby is with him.

Littlefoot: "Hey Chomper. Hey Ruby. How is it going?"

Ruby: "Chomper was bored, so we were looking for friends to talk to so he wouldn't be bored anymore."

Chomper: "Yeah. and I'm also sorry that I got you all in so much trouble yesterday."

Ducky: "It is ok, Chomper. That adventure was a lot of fun."

Ruby: "And we helped someone who really needed help. You don't have to feel sorry, Chomper."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, we were happy to help!"

Chomper: "I'm happy you helped too!"

Littlefoot: "So, I guess neither of you have seen any grownups around today either?"

Chomper: "Actually, we have seen them."

Cera: "Really?"

Ruby: "Yes we have. they've all gone over to the hidden valley to greet a herd of farwalkers that are coming through.'

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Ducky: "So that is what all of our parents were doing."

Cera: "What herd is it?"

Ruby: "I don't know who they are."

Littlefoot: "Let's go see who it is!"

Cera: "But our parents will see us!"

Petrie: "Me wanna see mom!"

Ducky: "And I want to see who this herd is, yup yup yup."

Littlefoot: "If we sneak in there, no one will see us!"

Cera: "Oh, alright.

Chomper: "Let's go Already!"

The gang head off towards the Hidden Valley.

Scene: The Hidden Valley.

Chomper walks along the stone wall of the cave connecting the Hidden Valley to the Great Valley. He walks out of the cave, puts his sniffer on the ground, sniffs around some, and motions the Gang to come out.

Chomper: "It's clear, you can all come out."

Littlefoot: Walking out of the cave and looking out into the valley. "I see our parents way over on the other side."

Cera: Walking in behind Littlefoot. "They're all blocking the farwalker herd, I can't see who they are!"

Ruby: "Lets get closer to see if we can get a closer look!"

The Gang sneak into the forest of pear-shaped treesweets and edge closer to the grownups and the new herd. Chomper Has his claws over his nose.

Petrie: Flying up into a tree for a better view. "I see! I See!"

Cera: "Who is it?"

Petrie: "It the longneck herd!"

Littlefoot: "Really? They haven't been here in a long time!"

Littlefoot Peeks his head out from behind a tree, and sees Ali in the midst of the migrating longneck herd.

Littlefoot: "It's Ali!"

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Chomper: "It's Ali?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah. She's right over there. She's finally come back!"

Cera: "I wonder if she's still with that annoying little Rhett!"

Littlefoot: "I don't know, but I want to see her!"

Littlefoot Starts to run out. Cera runs out, bites Littlefoot's tail, and drags him back into the foliage.

Littlefoot: "OW! What did you do that for?"

Cera: "Shush. We don't want to get caught by the grownups, do we?"

Littlefoot: "No, I guess not. But then how are we going to meet Ali?"

Ducky: "We could try to get her attention."

Littlefoot: "Good idea!"

Ruby: "Can't I just go out there and bring her over" My parents aren't here to see me."

Petrie: That better idea!"

Ducky: "How did I not think of that?"

Ruby: "I'll be back in a minute."

Ruby goes to Ali, Says something to her, and both of them come running over into the foliage.

Ali: "Hey everyone!"

Littlefoot: "It's so good to see you Ali!"

Ali: "It's good to see you too, Littlefoot."

Cera: "How have you been?"

Ali: "Oh, I've been good.

Chomper: Walking up to Ali. "Hey Ali, remember me?"

Ali: Backs away some, then comes back. "Chomper? Oh, I remember you now. Your that friendly little sharptooth!"

Chomper: "Thats me!"

Ali: "Why are you covering your nose, Chomper?"

Chomper: "All of these treesweets smell bad to Sharpteeth. It even makes us sick if we stay too long."

Littlefoot: "Would you want to play something with us?"

Ali: "Of course!"

Chomper: "Good. I'm not feeling so good."

Scene: The Great Valley. The Gang, Chomper, Ruby, and Ali are playing tag, with the one that's it pretending to be a sharptooth.

Cera: chasing everyone else. "Grr, Grr. Roar!. Grr."

Littlefoot: Running and laughing. "Run everyone!"

Petrie: "She gonna get us!"

Chomper: "She's pretty good at being a sharptooth!"

Littlefoot trips and falls over.

Cera: Comes up and jumps on Littlefoot: "I got you now!"

Littlefoot: "Aww."

Cera gets up off of Littlefoot to look for someone else. Littlefoot stays down and watches.

Cera: "Grr! Where are you guys? Grr!" She puts her nose on the ground and acts like she's sniffing for everyone else. She can't find anyone.

Chomper: Sneaking up behind Cera and yelling. "I take that back!"

Cera: Jumps around and starts chasing Chomper. "I'll get you, my little flattooth!"

Ali: Walks up to Littlefoot. "She got you too, huh?"

Littlefoot: "Yup."

Ali: "It's been nice playing with you all. I haven't even seen someone my age in awhile." She lowers her head.

Littlefoot: "It isn't time to be sad. You have us now!"

Ali: Sighs. "I guess so."

Cera and Chomper walk up to Littlefoot and Ali.

Cera: "I think I'm done being a sharptooth now."

Chomper: "I'm done too. I don't think I'd want to be a flattooth."

Littlefoot: "Cera get you?"

Chomper: "Yup. I shouldn't have said what I said!" He laughs.

Cera: "This is a lot better than the last time you were here!"

Ali: "How so?"

Cera: "No annoying little Rhett!"

Ali: Her eyes start to tear up, and she runs away.

Littlefoot: "Whats going on?

Ducky: "I do not know, no."

Cera: "Was it something I said?"

Littlefoot: Stares annoyingly at Cera and turns toward where Ali ran off. "I'll go see what this is all about." He runs off to look for Ali.

------------------------------<Commercial break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Watering Hole.

Ali is at the edge of the later, looking down at her own reflection.

Littlefoot: Walks up beside Ali. "Hey, Ali. What's wrong?"

Ali: "It's just Rhett." Her eyes start watering again.

Littlefoot: "What about Rhett?"

Ali: "It was horrible!"

Littlefoot: "What happened?"

Ali: Another tear coming from her eye. "It was over a cold time ago. Me and Rhett got separated from our herd."

Scene fades into a flashback scene as Ali is saying the last sentence.

Scene: The Mysterious beyond, in a canyon.

Ali and Rhett are running through the bottom of the canyon. Behind them, a fast biter is chasing them.

Ali: "Rhett, he's gaining on us!"

The fast biter roars.

Rhett: "You don't have to remind me of that!"

Ali: "I'm scared!"

Rhett: "I'm scared too, Ali."

Ali and Rhett come to a dead end.

Ali: "What are we gonna do?"

Rhett: Looks around. "Hey, Theres a hole behind this bush!"

Ali and Rhett squeeze behind the bush and goes through the whole just as the fast biter gets there and sinks his teeth into the bush. He spits it out when he realizes it's not meat, then slowly crawls through the same hole.

Rhett: "That was close!"

Ali: "I don't know how long we can keep this up!"

Rhett stops running. Ali turns around, confused.

Ali: "Rhett, what are you doing?"

Rhett: "Just go on. I don't want him to get you too!"

Ali: "Rhett!"

Rhett: "Please, just go!"

Ali starts running again.

Rhett: turns around and sees the fast biter coming. He gulps. "Come on, you bully!"

Ali keeps running, and the scene fades back to the present.

Ali: "And I just kept running." She pauses for a moment. "I never saw him again." She starts to cry again.

Littlefoot: "Ali, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Ali: "I know that Rhett was really mean the last time me and him came over, but after that, he changed."

Littlefoot: "He did?"

Ali: "Yes, he did. He become a lot more honest and caring of others."

Littlefoot: "I know how you feel. I lost my Grandpa not too long ago."

Ali: "Grandpa Longneck is gone?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, he is." He pauses for awhile to think. "He was almost like my father in a way. He looked after me all of those cold-times when I had no one else."

Ali: "I'm sorry."

Littlefoot: "You don't have to be sorry."

Ali: "Well, you don't have to either. I think I'm ok now."

Littlefoot: "Want to go back to everyone else yet?"

Ali: "Yes, lets go back."

Cera: Walking up to the longnecks. "Hey."

Littlefoot: "Where did you come from?"

Ducky: Walking up. "We came because you two were taking awhile, yup yup yup."

Cera: "I overheard about Rhett Ali. I'm sorry for what I said."

Ali: "It's ok. He was mean to all of you, and you didn't know Cera."

Chomper: "Well, do you want to play some more?"

Ali: "Sure. We could play some..."

The ground starts shaking.

Ruby: "What was that?"

Littlefoot: "It's our parents."

Cera: "Parents!? We need to get back to our nests!"

Ducky: "Oh yes, we are still in trouble!"

The gang starts breaking up.

Ali: "See you all later!"

Littlefoot: Calling back as he runs off. "I'll see you, Ali!"

Scene: The Longneck nest, at dusk. Littlefoot is sitting in the nest.

Ali: Walking up. "Hello again."

Littlefoot: "Hey Ali."

Ali: "I just wanted to say I have to go now."

Littlefoot: "Go? Your leaving the Great Valley already?"

Ali: Starting to laugh. "No, I'm just going back to the nest my herd started here."

Littlefoot: "Oh. That's a relief!"

Ali: "We're going to stay for awhile at least. I don't know how long for sure."

Littlefoot: "We can play tomorrow."

Ali: "That sounds like fun! I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Littlefoot: "Ok, bye Ali." He lays his head on the ground and acts bored.

Ali walks off. and the scene fades out.

END
When Cera says "I don't know, I haven't seen them anywhere either", I'd use a semicolon or period to separate those two, as a comma just seems a little weak here. They're two separate but related clauses, so semicolon would be fine, or a period too. You can probably also drop the "anywhere" and just make it "either".

I think you know by now, but when Ducky responds to Cera walking up to her, shouldn't have a capital T in front of "That", as commas do not end sentences, and that is not a proper noun. :) And it happens a little further on too when Cera says "They're grownups, They'd know" so yeah, no capitalization for "they'd". :) And also with Petrie yelling. I'd change those commas to periods if you really want to capitalize the "Oh nos" ;) Same for when Cera says "Yeah, it's kind of nice", shouldn't have the "It" capitalized.

And I'd put commas after Ducky's "Yup, yup, yup", as they need to be broken up a little and not form a run-on there.

And Petrie "flies" over to Littlefoot's head, not "fly's", as no contraction and its not possessive either. :)

Oooh, right after Ruby says they're looking for friends, you should put a comma instead of a period after Chomper says "Yeah, and I'm also sorry" because you generally don't want to start sentences with "and", and you didn't capitalize it either. :) On that note, when Ruby mentions seeing the grownups, capitalize "They've all gone over" because you used a period before it. And makes sure to close your quotations there with a quotations marks, not an apostrophe. :)

Once again, I'd break up Ducky's "yups" with commas. :) Right when she says she wants to see the herd.

Don't need to capitalize the "already" when Chomper says let's go. And Chomper putting his claws over his nose, the "has" shouldn't be capitalized. Neither should "See" after Petrie exclaims that he sees who the herd is.

Ruby offering to bring Ali over shouldn't have the quotations ending "over", it should have a question mark. And on that note, Petrie needs quotations a line below that to start off his dialogue.

"Says" shouldn't be capitalized either when Ruby speaks to Ali.

Ali should say "you're" instead of "your" to Chomper when says he's the friendly sharptooth, since "you are the friendly little sharptooth". :) And "Thats" needs an apostrophe in the next line, as it's "That is me".

Don't need a period after the exclamation mark when Cera roars. Exclamation is powerful enough to end a sentence by itself. :)

When Cera is pretending to sniff, the sentence "She can't find anyone" is a little clunky. "Her efforts don't succeed, as she can't locate them" might work better here.

When Littlefoot stares at Cera right before the second commercial break, he shouldn't "stare annoyingly" at Cera, as that implies Littlefoot himself is being annoying, and I don't think that's what you were going for here. XD It should read: "Stares at Cera, annoyed".

Not sure what you meant by "Ali is at the edge of the later". Did you mean "latter"? But then, there was no former, so if you meant to say the water hole, you could use "aforementioned" or maybe you meant to say "lake" and it came out as "later"? Not really sure; either way, later doesn't work here.

It should technically be "Rhett and I got separated from our herd", but since she's only a kid, I'm not gonna say you have to change this, because kids would tend to say "me and Rhett" anyway. :DD

Oh and, to give you an example of what a scene line should look like in a screenplay (in case you're interested), the flashback scene is a perfect example. It should read:

MYSTERIOUS BEYOND - A CANYON - DAY

Rhett should say "There's a hole" with the apostrophe, as "there is a hole". :)

That action stuff you write after it needs some fixing. Rhett and Ali "go" through the "hole", not "goes" and "whole". :) You don't need "same" hole either, just "hole" is fine, as we know it's the same hole. :)

When Ali agrees to go back to everyone else, "let's" and not "lets" as its a contraction of "let us go back". :)

I don't need to repeat about needing commas for Ducky's yups, but its there all the same. :DD

Should be a comma after Rhett in "I overheard about Rhett, Ali". Pause after all.

And another example (if you're interested) in setting up a scene line in a screenplay would be

LONGNECK NEST - DUSK

When Littlefoot is asking if Ali has to leave already, should be "you're leaving" instead of "your" because it's "you are leaving already?".

OK, now for the READER REVIEW! Punctuation is done.

I don't think I liked the first half of this episode or so very much. It wasn't your story at all, but more the dialogue you wrote. I just sounded... choppy and very formal. You avoided using contractions a lot, and had characters saying things like "It is OK" or "That is good." That's fine for Ducky, but everyone else making use of it just seemed weird, especially Cera! Cera's the most informal talker of that bunch! If they were all at a fancy tuxedo party then I could maybe see this dialogue working, but it just sort of broke up the pacing for me, and made them sound kind of robotic. Try to get the dialogue more informal when it involves the gang, and make use of contractions when you can. :)

However, the story you told was very good, and you threw in surprises too that I wasn't expecting. When Ali runs off because of the mention of Rhett, I was like OK, something must have happened to him, but I was NOT expecting THAT! You completely broadsided me with that, and I was thinking more along the lines of him maybe getting separated from Ali either by force or mistake, but THAT was just like wow... I had to pause and just let that sink in because you really caught me off guard, and I didn't see that coming at all.

It was also a pleasant surprise when Ali said that her herd was making a nest in the Great Valley. :DD Even if she wasn't sure for how long, you once again surprised me by having her walk up in the evening and make it LOOK like she was saying goodbye. I was getting ready to start getting a little teary eyed or something since you seemed to be setting up a sad goodbye, but then SURPRISE! The relief you created in me was rather good, and I REALLY enjoyed reading that. It was a nice release after the rather... dark revelation of Rhett's fate. I was still digesting that when you brought this part up, and I was like OK... here we go... it's about to get worse, but nope! Pleasant surprise. :DD

Fortunately too, your dialogue started coming together after they met Ali, and it didn't sound as fake or mechanical. Dialogue that doesn't flow well can really affect your pacing, and throw it off, which I felt happened with the opening of this episode, but you managed to save it and keep it good as it went on. The pacing picked up, and helped me to keep going.

Overall not a bad chapter. The first half could be brushed up a lot, but I have no complaints with your story in this, and once again, you showed you're the master at surprising your audience, and playing their emotions. :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 19, 2011, 04:13:02 PM
Thanks about bringing up the lack of contractions. I never really thought of that in this episode.

Having the beginning pretty poor like that is probably a bad idea. It'll turn people away.

I'll tell you that I HATE Rhett! When I started on that episode, I really just wanted to kill him off, but as I worked on it some more, I thought the way I was writing his death was bad, so I changed it to him sacrificing himself to save Ali. I figured that was the best way to deal with a character I hated and didn't want to be in the series; By killing him off, but in an honorable and redeeming way, showing that he has changed since that only episode he appeared in. Did you get ANY inkling that I didn't like Rhett in that? Oh wait, have you seen that episode yet?

Glad I surprised you TWICE in one episode. It's good how that turned out. Surprising you with something depressing, then pleasantly surprising you in the end when you were expecting a teary goodbye. "Always keep em guessin...always keep em guessin." :DD

Also, this is the only episode that doesn't mention the Professor at all!

Does the first season seem to getting any better as your going along? Do you see things that are changing, for better or worse?

So you think my last three episodes have been REALLY good then? That's great to hear! I guess that's another reason I stopped. I didn't know how long I could keep a streak like that up.

"The Little Leafeater and the Little Biter" just kinda has a short children's story quality to it in my eyes. I kind of like that about it.

In "That Spark for Adventure", I'm glad I was able to work in an idea I didn't get until LONG after I wrote that episode, about how the Professor changed Littlefoot. It was cool how that very first episode was written in a way that I could fit that in later, and still make it seem very believable. Also, you didn't really mention it, but there's a big foreshadowing bit in there when Grandpa Longneck speaks with Bron. I'm going to comeback sometime on that!

I spent a long time writing "Our Very Own Redclaw". It was the episode I was REALLY interested in writing, sort of like with "A Sharptooth in need" in the first season. That episode was half-written for several weeks. I don't know yet if I'll ever do anything with Guaro and Bo again, but Cutter is coming back for another episode later this season!

Yes, "From One Adventurer to Another" is going to be a Pterano/Petrie centered episode!

Whew, that's a bunch of stuff :blink:

Thanks for all the reviewing you've been doing Pterano. You've really been helping me to see things I never noticed before, giving me an idea of what readers are getting out of my work and what they're looking for.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 19, 2011, 06:59:49 PM
Well yes, that's true. Some readers might feel it's taking too long if the pacing is off, and lose interest early on, so a strong beginning is just as important as a strong ending.

I have not seen the Rhett episode yet, and I had NO idea that you hated him. XD I thought you wrote him very fairly, and didn't show any personal bias. But wow, he must not be a very popular character. I think that's kind of funny that you just wanted to do away with him in your series. Sweep him under the rug so to speak. XD

Indeed, yes. You seem to be very good at surprising readers, and coming up with twists. Keep 'em guessing, as you said. :DD

I think in all honesty, the first season for me is pretty hit or miss. You have episodes that are good, and episodes that are not quite as good. I'd have to really reread the whole thing to see if there's a trend, but right now I don't detect a pattern. Either way, they aren't terrible by any means, and you do have some gems in here.

Yes! I LOVED your last three episodes! "The Little Leafeater and the Little Biter" was probably my favorite. And good point! I think now that I look at it, it being very child like brought me back to the old Land Before Time movies, and I really connected well with how you wrote it :DD I just loved everything about it. Your pacing was EXCELLENT, fantastic! It kept me reading all the way through. And I guess that good old feeling you created in me was another thing that hooked me. :DD

Ohhhh foreshadowing that you'll be revisiting again, eh? Sounds good! :DD

Cutter coming back is good, too. I rather liked his character, and what you did with him. It was really good character development, and he acted more of Chomper's age than he did the other two XD :DD

Pterano and Petrie! I thought so! :smile

Well sure thing. Glad I'm helping you out with some of these earlier ones. An extra set of eyes is always good, because they can often catch what you may miss. :yes
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on June 23, 2011, 10:21:46 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Apr 2 2011 on  03:44 PM
Episode 7 - Ape Man

Scene: The Great Valley, Very early in the morning.

A blue light appears, like the one before. The Professor steps out of the light holding a large, heavy looking, cardboard box. He walks off towards the edge of the valley, and the scene fades out.

Scene: A forest in the Great Valley. Later in the morning.

The Gang is walking through the woods, Ali and Chomper in tow.

Ali: "Who is this person you wanted me to meet again?"

Littlefoot: "His name is Professor."

Cera: "You say you saw him this morning, Petrie?"

Petrie: "yes, me did! Me was flying around earlier, and me saw him."

Ducky: "I was starting to think we would not see him again, I did."

Chomper: "Oh well." He looks disappointed. "I thought he was gone too."

Ali: "So you wanted to tell me that he was a little weird before I met him. Is he a sharptooth or something?"

Littlefoot: "No, He's not a sharptooth.

Cera: "I don't really know what he is, to tell you the truth."

Chomper: "I think I know!"

Littlefoot: "What?"

Chomper: "Um, never mind. It was just a guess, anyway."

Littlefoot: "There he is!"

The Gang sees the Professor holding his box. He is walking towards a cave on the outskirts of the Great Valley.

Littlefoot: "Hey Professor!"

Professor: Looking back at the Gang. "Huh? Oh hey, dinosaurs."

Cera: "We have someone here to meet you."

Professor: Sets down his box and walks up to Ali. "Oh, yellow."

Ali: "Um, hi there." She looks the Professor over. "I've never seen someone like you before."

Professor: "That a bad thing or something?"

Ali: "No, It's just...nothing."

Cera: "So what are you doing, Professor?"

Professor: "Just moving some things."

Littlefoot: "What kind of things?"

Professor: "I don't think you'd understand. I'm moving in." He picks up his box, and heads toward the cave again. The Gang follows.

Ducky: "Moving in? We thought when we did not see you yesterday, that you left, yup yup yup."

Littlefoot: "We thought you had moved on to somewhere else."

Professor: "Why would you think that?"

Chomper: "Well, your a farwalker. We just figured you moved on."

Professor: Stops and thinks for a minute. "It's true, I am a farwalker, but I Really like this Valley."

Littlefoot: "You do?"

Professor: "Yes. I like it much better then the last place I was at, So I've decided to move in and make this my new home!"

Littlefoot: "That's great!"

Chomper: Looks a little annoyed. "Isn't there someplace else you'd rather be?"

Professor: "Nope, I want to stay here."

The Professor and the Gang come up to the cave, and the Professor starts walking in.

Ali: "your going to live in a cave?"

Professor: "Actually, I've been living here."

Chomper "You have? Like me?"

Professor: "Of course!"

Littlefoot: "Can we come in?"

Professor: "No."

Cera: "Why not? I'd really like to see what you got in there!"

Professor: "I don't think you would understand what you were seeing."

Chomper: "Yeah, He's probably right."

Cera: "Why is it you don't want to come in, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Uh, no reason."

Littlefoot: "Then I guess we'll drop it for now.

Ali: "Are we going to go play something today or what?"

Cera: "I'm sure we could think of something."

Professor: "Actually, I have something you could help me with."

Littlefoot: "Really? What is it?"

Professor: "I'm looking for something, and I haven't been able to find any of it in the Great Valley."

Ali: "What are you looking for?"

Professor: "This might be hard to explain. I'm looking for some iron ore."

Littlefoot: "Whats that?"

Professor: "It's a special kind of rock, and you can turn it into metal."

Ducky: "What is metal?"

Professor: "Now that's another thing I can't explain!"

Cera: "So let me get this straight. You want us to help you look for some weird rock none of us have ever heard of. And this rock can be turned into something else we've never heard of?"

Professor: "Thats right!"

Cera: "And you can't find any of it in the Great Valley, so you want us to go into the Mysterious Beyond to help you look for it?"

Professor: "Right again!"

Chomper: "Sounds like fun!"

Petrie: "fun? Fun!?"

Ducky: "I'm not sure I want to go back out there, no."

Littlefoot: "Is this important to you, Professor?"

PRofessor: "Yes. It's very important that I find some."

Littlefoot: "We'll, I guess were going then."

Cera: "WHAT!?"

Littlefoot: "If we stay together, we'll be safer. I'm sure it'll be ok."

Cera: "Well, you'll need me for protection!"

Professor: "Lets go!"

-------------------------------<Commercial break>------------------------------

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, in the afternoon.

The Gang, Ali, Chomper, and the Professor are walking around, searching for the iron ore the Professor wants.

Cera: "We have been out here for awhile."

Professor: We need to keep looking."

Littlefoot: "All of those other rocks we found for you weren't it?"

Professor: "No. None of them were."

Cera: "I think we need to go home now."

Littlefoot: "We can keep looking.

Chomper: "Yeah, We're pretty safe."

Cera: "No were not! A Sharptooth could jump out any second!"

Chomper: "I don't smell any sharpteeth."

Ducky: "You are not usually the one to be scared of things Cera."

Cera: "I'm not scared. I just don't want anything to happen to all of you."

The Professor walks up to a cliff face. The gang follows.

Professor: "I wonder if there is any here." He looks around, and studies some rocks on the cliff face. "Nope, another dud. Come on, let's keep looking."

Cera: Starting to look angry. "I'm tired of looking. Let's go home already!"

Littlefoot: "Come on Cera, we'll be fine."

Cera: "I'm getting sick and tired of the Professor telling us what to do!"

Cera charges at the Professor. She pushes the Professor against the cliff wall. The Professor's arm device gets smashed against the rock, and it short circuits.

Professor: "What did you do that for?"

Littlefoot: "Fighting won't solve anything!"

Ducky: "Are you ok, Professor?"

Professor: "I suppose I'm fine. It's just..." His voice suddenly changes to a bears voice.

Everyone takes a step back.

Littlefoot: "What just happened?"

Professor: Plays around with the device and talks again. "That's weird. I think it's working now. Now then, I was talking about the..."

The device short circuits again. The Professor yells out in pain in Sharptooth.

Petrie: "Me getting scared!"

The Professor rips the device off of his arm, and throws it on the ground.

Professor: "Ah ei ei ooh!"

Ducky: "What is wrong with the Professor?"

Cera: "He can't talk!"

Littlefoot: "I think I know whats going on. He told me that thing on his arm lets him talk to us. Since it's broken, he must not be able to talk leaf-eater anymore!"

Petrie: "That bad, very bad!"

Chomper: "You mean he can't really speak leaf-eater?"

Littlefoot: "No, he needs that thing on his arm to talk to us. When I first met him, he couldn't talk to me either."

Ali: "That's awful!"

Professor: With a very angry face. "ah ah hi o hi hi hoo." He punches the rock wall, and cries out in pain. "AIEEE!" He then put his hands over his face.

Littlefoot: Walks up and gently pushes on the Professor with his head. "I know you can't understand me right now, but We're still here for you."

The Professor takes his hands off of his face, and pets Littlefoot on his head.

Cera: "Well, what are we going to do now?"

Professor: Points his hand out in the direction of a mountain. "Oo oo hi!"

Cera: Rolls here eyes. "Here we go again!"

The Professor walks off, and the Gang follows.

Scene: The mountain.

The Professor walks up to the side of the mountain and starts examining the rocks.

Littlefoot: "I'm wondering if he'll find what he's looking for here."

Cera: "I'm actually hoping he does find it, I've been ready to go home for a while now!"

Petrie: "Me wanna go home too!"

Professor: Exclaiming. (Ah! uh hi hi ho oo!) He walks over to the Gang and starts pushing them to some nearby bushes.

Cera: "Whats he pushing us for?"

Littlefoot: "I think he wants us to get out of the way, but what for?"

The gang goes behind the bushes, and the Professor follows. The Professor pulls out his handheld weapon, and fires a shot at the mountain. Theres a flash of light, and a loud noise, and several medium sized rocks fly off of the mountain base.

The gang is startled, and run out from behind the Bush.

Petrie: "No! What going on!?"

Cera: "What was that? A earthshake?"

Littlefoot: "Did the Professor just do that?"

Ali: "I don't know whether to be sorry for him, or be scared of him!"

Professor: Walks up to the the mountain, picks up a good sized rock, and puts it in his backpack. He walks up to the Gang, still cowering in fear. He laughs. "hu he he he!".

Cera: "Is he making fun of us or something?"

Littlefoot: Starting to laugh. "He probably thought you were scared, Cera!"

Cera gets up and tackles Littlefoot.

Chomper: "I think there's a lot of things we don't know about the Professor. It's weird how he doesn't talk about himself much."

Ducky: "He is probably just shy, yup yup yup!"

Littlefoot: Getting up. "Well, I guess it's time to go home."

A Sharptooth roar is heard.

Ali: "What was that?

Chomper: "Wasn't me!"

Cera: "I told you we should have left sooner!"

A fast biter comes up to the Gang, and Charges.

Littlefoot: "No time to argue!" he starts running.

The rest of the Gang and the Professor start running with Littlefoot. Chomper stays behind in the bushes. Ducky trips. The rest of the Gang stops and turns around.

Littlefoot: "DUCKY!"

--------------------------------<Commercial break>-----------------------------

Fast Biter: Grabs Ducky in her claw. <You'll do just fine for the lesson!> She runs off.

Cera: Starting to run towards the fast biter. "We have to help her!"

Littlefoot: "It's to late. That sharptooth got her."

Petrie: "Oh, poor Ducky!" He falls on Littlefoot's back and starts crying.

Cera: Walking back to the rest of the Gang, with her head lowered. "What a way to go. Poor little ducky." Her eyes tear up.

Ali: "I can't lose another friend!" She starts crying as well.

Chomper: Running up to the group. "what are you waiting for, lets get ducky!"

Littlefoot: "It's too late, Chomper."

Chomper: "I don't think so. I heard what the fast biter said. She didn't eat Ducky on the stop, but she ran off with her."

Cera: "So?"

Chomper: "I think she is keeping Ducky alive long enough to take back to her kids to see if they can hunt her."

Littlefoot: "Really?"

Chomper: "Yeah. My parents used to do that for me!"

The Rest of the Gang just stare at him. Chomper realizes what he just said, and lowers his head in shame.

Littlefoot: Walks up to Chomper, with an almost somber look on his face. "Well, lets just not think about that right now..." He gets a determined face. "We need to go help Ducky!"

Chomper: Looking up at Littlefoot. "Ok, Littlefoot!"

The Gang runs off to where the fast biter ran off too. The Professor follows.

Scene: Somewhere else in the Mysterious Beyond, at a fast biter nest.

The fast biter walks up into view, Says something in sharptooth, and drops Ducky on the ground.

Ducky: "What is going on? You are not going to eat me?" She looks over to see 3 young fast biters. "Oh, you are cute little ones, yup yup yup!". The young fast biters growl and charge at Ducky. She starts running away. "No no no!"

The Gang come running up to behind a tree close to the nest.

Littlefoot: "You were right, Chomper!"

Chomper: "We need to do something!"

The young fast biters snap their jaws at Ducky.

Ducky: "They are not very cute anymore, no!"

The Professor walks out from behind the tree, and points his weapon at the mother fast biter.

Littlefoot: "NO! Not that way!" He Nudges the Professor and points his tail at the Young Fast biters.

The Professor seems to get the message. He aims his weapon to some nearby rocks and fires. The Explosion startles the mother Fast biter. She roars something and runs off. Ducky trips again. She looks back at the approaching young sharpteeth and screams. She covers her head in fear. The young sharpteeth hear their mother, and run off with her.

Chomper runs out and acts like he's hungry. He sneaks up on Ducky, touches her, and yells. "Gotcha!"

Ducky: Jumps up and screams again. "Chomper! Why did you do that?"

Chomper: "I thought it would be funny!"

Ducky: "I was about to be eated, Chomper!"

Chomper: Laughing. "Aww, it was just a joke!"

The rest of the Gang run up to Chomper and Ducky.

Littlefoot: "your ok, Ducky!"

Ali: "We thought you were done for!"

Ducky: "Well, I guess I am happy Chomper got me."

All of the dinosaurs laugh. The Professor just stares at everyone, since he can't tell what anyone is saying.

Cera: "Can we FINALLY go home now?"

Scene: Back in the Great Valley, in front of the Professor's cave. It is dusk.

The sound of Hammering is heard deep in the cave.

Petrie: "What Professor doing in there, anyway?"

Littlefoot: "I don't know, Petrie."

A saw is heard heard from inside the cave. The cave lights up for a second.

Cera: "I'm starting to wonder too."

Chomper: "He scares me sometimes."

The Professor walks out of the cave, with a new communication device on his arm. He Messes around with it, and speaks.

Professor: "Can you hear me now?"

Littlefoot: "You fixed it!"

Professor: "Oh my, yes. It's so good to hear somebodies voice again!"

Cera: "I guess I'm sorry for breaking that thing on your arm."

Professor: "It's ok."

Ali: "This has been a long day! I'm going to go lay down." She walks off.

Littlefoot: "Yeah, it's getting late." He goes to his nest.

Ducky: "What are you going to use that rock for, Professor?"

Professor: "I'm going to build something out of it."

Petrie: "Me want to see what you make when you done!"

Professor: He sighs. "Maybe."

Petrie flies off, while Ducky walks off.

Chomper: He eyes the Professor. "We'll I"ll see you tomorrow, Professor!"

Professor: "Eyes Chomper back. "I'll see you, too!"

Chomper walks off, and the Professor walks back into his cave. The scene fades.

END
I don't believe you need that comma after "heavy looking" for the cardboard box, as too many pauses.

The "yes" when Petrie talks should be capitalized with "Yes", as it's the first word in the sentence. :)

Once again, as before, I'd use commas after Ducky's "yups", but as you know that, I'll mention it this once. :)

With Chomper stating the Prof is a farwalker, should be "you're" as "you are a farwalker". Though I think you're much better at these, so once again, won't dwell.  

No caps on "Really like this Valley." Valley yes, though could get away with lowercase too as aren't using the full name. Really doesn't need it though. Same with the "So I've decided to move in" because you had a comma before "so". :)

And with Ali, it should be "You're going to live in a cave?" because it's "you and are" again

You tend to use "something" a lot in the next bits of dialogue. I count about four times, so maybe try to mix it up with other words.

After the iron ore bit, Littlefoot should ask "What's" as it's "what is"

Put a question mark on the end of Cera's first question, after she says "Let me get this straight."

And Professor should say "That's" with apostrophe, for "that is right."

Capitalize the first "Fun" in Petrie's dialogue, as first word of the sentence

Littlefoot should say "Well, I I guess we're going then." Well as it's not we will, and "we're" because it's we are.

And remember, "Let's go" as it's let us.

Put some quotations on the beginning of the Professor's first line right after the commercial break.

Don't capitalize "We're" in Chomper's dialogue, for when he says they're safe, because comma precedes it. :) And Cera should say "No, we're not", not were, as it's we are.

I wouldn't use cliff face again, as it sounds repetitive the second time. I'd go with rock wall maybe. :)

I'd try to use... more intense words when Cera runs into the Professor. It comes off a little dry here. I'd go with "She charges at the Professor, ramming into him and violently shoving him back into the cliff. With a sickening smash, the arm device is wrecked, and short circuits" or something like that. :)

And it should be his voice changes to a "bear's" with apostrophe, as it's possessive. The bear owns the voice. :)

Should be "I think I know what's going on" rather than "whats" with Littlefoot. Contraction again.

I'd use a semicolon or period for Petrie's "That bad, very bad!" bit, as comma is a bit too weak there. :) It's really a full stop, so semicolon or period would work fine.

And after the Professor punches the rock wall, he "puts" his hands over his face. Singular subject, plural verb.

Cera rolls "her" eyes, not "here" eyes. Probably just a typo.

Once again, I'd use a semicolon or period when Cera says she's been ready to go home. I don't think a comma is strong enough to hold those two clauses together.

Cera should ask "What's he pushing for?" rather than "whats". It's an adverb, and adverbs can NEVER be plural :) And on that note, should be "There's an explosion" as once again, it's an adverb, and it cannot be plural. It's a contraction of "there and is".

When he walks back up to the gang, I'd change that sentence to read "who are still cowering in fear" rather than launch into it without the "who", as it's kind of confusing as to who is cowering in fear otherwise. And you don't need a period outside the Professor's quotes when he laughs, as exclamation mark ends that sentence. :)

"Charges" shouldn't be capitalized when the fast biter arrives.

The gang will "stop and turn around", not "stops" and "turns".

After the last commercial break, Littlefoot should say It's too late." with two Os for the "too".

Capitalize the "what" in Chomper's "What are you waiting for?" And the Ducky for that matter, as that's definitely a proper noun. :) Chomper should probably say that the faster biter didn't eat Ducky on the "spot" either, so once again, probably just a misspelling.

"rest" in "rest of the gang just stare at him" doesn't need capitalization. Drop the second just in that action line as well, as you already have it once, and don't need too many adverbs. "realizes what he said" works fine.

Don't need the comma after Littlefoot "walks up to Chomper with an almost somber look on his face." I dropped it there. There's no pause, so no comma. I'd use "A determined look crosses his features" rather than just "he gets a determined face" as that sounds kind of blank. XD

"The gang runs off to where the fast biter ran off too". Should be "to" as it's a location.

I'd just the "fast biter walks into view", don't need the up. No capitalizing "says" either, right after that, as you used a comma and not a period. :)

Don't need to capitalize "nudges" either when Littlefoot nudges the Prof. Or "young", that should be lowercase. "Fast" should probably be lower case too.

He aims his weapon "at" and not "to" some nearby rocks. Explosion shouldn't be capitalize either.

"You're OK, Ducky!" and not "your" OK.

"Hammering" should be capitalized when they're back at the cave.

Don't need the comma when he exits the cave "with a new communication" etc. Don't need to capitalize "messes" either.

"It's so good to hear somebody's voice again", as it's possessive. It is the voice of somebody, somebody owns it, so apostrophe. :)

Need an apostrophe and not quotations when Chomper says "Well I'll see you tomorrow", and also, should be "Well" and not "We'll".

Phew wow... lot of cleanup for this episode. XD Sorry it took me so long, but there was a lot to fix.

So for the reader review... well I guess I just didn't like this episode as much. It wasn't that it didn't have a good plot, but it just didn't engage me very well. There wasn't a clear conflict until much later on, and even then it didn't seem to be that important when you finally introduced it. It's like you were building up to something, and then weren't sure if that's what you really wanted to do, as I just didn't get a very strong sense of plot here.

It wasn't bad, but it sort of reminded me of an episode on TV that I'd quickly forget if I saw it. There just wasn't much that was memorable about it, aside from the Professor of course not being able to speak in a rather hilarious manner. XD I think that's what saved this episode from being completely forgettable. Compared to your later stuff, there just... really isn't anything that stands out here. I was expecting more with Ali's return, but she just sort of fades into the background in this episode, and there really isn't a central character or conflict, aside from saving Ducky from the fast biter, which wasn't bad, but felt a little too filler for me.

I wish I had something that I REALLY liked to give you laurels for, but aside from the rather humorous loss of speech that the Professor suffers (which I really DID like. :DD), I just wasn't as engaged with this episode as I have been with some of your others. It just had that whole feel of an episode I'd see on TV that I probably wouldn't remember in a few weeks' time. This might be just me, but I dunno, this episode just didn't do it for me. You could have really spun off Ali's return, or just created a more central and grounded episode, as you had plenty exiting the previous episode, and this one just... didn't seem to live up to that. So yeah, sorry. :( We'll see how the next one goes.

At any rate, at least you have three excellent episodes in season two that I'd easily give nines or tens to. :DD So the good news is, you've improved a lot from season one. :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pangaea on June 25, 2011, 01:49:44 AM
My repeated apologies for the time I’ve taken to review another episode. :oops It should be obvious by now that regular, punctual reviewing is not my thing. :bang

Hopefully, while you’re taking a break from writing the story, I’ll be able to catch up a bit on my episode reviews. I feel a little guilty that Pterano has made my job a lot easier in that he has assumed the role of correcting the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors that I would normally feel compelled to point out. In doing such an outstanding job covering the spellchecking aspect of story reviewing, he has inadvertently left me with far less to worry about when I write my own reviews. I have to say I’m very thankful that Pterano is reviewing this story, not just for the above reason, but because he’s providing the thoughtful, comprehensive critiques you desire, at a timely and consistent rate that are apparently beyond my abilities to adhere to. (Seriously, if Pterano were eligible for the GOF Awards this year, he would deserve the Feedback Award far more than me, at least as far as this story is concerned.)

Also, I think I’m going to go ahead and read the entire story without pausing to review between episodes, so that I can give a fair overall review on the story as a wholeóas opposed to just the chapters I have read so farówhen I vote for it in the Fanfiction Awards. (I’m actually a pretty fast reader; just a painfully slow reviewer.)

Quote from: vonboy,Jun 19 2011 on  01:37 PM
I've decided to put this series on hold for now. I'm going to be spending a lot of time over the next few weeks (Or maybe longer?) Reading everyone elses fanfic's and writing reviews for them in the GoF's first ever Fanfiction Awards! I encourage everyone else to do the same. There's a lot of great fiction on this board (One of my FAVORITE aspects of this community) and all of these authors really need some recognition!

Sorry for anyone that liked reading my fiction. It's just I really want to devote time to this, and I don't want to post garbage up just to keep up with a schedule. (Let's forget season 1 ever happened, shall we :p )
I give that same advice to practically every author whose work I review (heck, I think I gave it to you in an earlier post!). :lol Don't rush to complete a chapter within a set time frame; take as long as you need to do a good job writing it. Some chapters take more time and effort to write than others, and trying to consistently post one chapter a week seems like a ridiculous squeeze, in my opinion. Also, a piece of advice one author gave me (not the other way around, as you might expect :lol) is that once you've finished writing a chapter, it's a good idea to go back to the beginning and read it through at least once before you post it, both to check for spelling and grammar errors, and to make sure that the story itself sounds good and makes sense.

Before I get into reviewing Episode 4, something I thought I’d point out about the new list of episode titles you have at the beginning of this thread: I noticed that one of the titles is written like this…
Quote from: vonboy,Mar 19 2011 on  12:09 AM
Episode 22 - Oh, how the Meek and Fallen(July 8th)
…when it should be “Oh, How the Meek Have Fallen” (also note capitalization). And I’d suggest putting a space between the title of the episode and the date you plan to post it. (This applies to all of the upcoming episodes on the list.)


Review for Episode 4 – Return to Saurus Rock

I actually thought this chapter was okay, though I do agree with many of Pterano’s points on the flyer attack; namely, that the scenes felt like filler with no real bearing on the plot. The question of why these two flyers suddenly attacked the valley was never answered, and seeing four of the characters receive rather unpleasant (if minor) injuries left me wondering what happened to them next, especially the Professor, since his wound was evidently severe enough that he sacrificed some of his own clothing for a bandage. (Even if he brought additional clothes with him in his backpack or something, I can’t imagine he has many shirts.) Did the other characters need treatment as well?

I was also wondering where Petrie was in this chapter. I thought his absence could have been briefly explained at the beginning of the episode.

Though I can’t tell for certain that it’s not coincidence, the scene where the Professor takes off his shirt (with the dinosaurs believing that he is skinning himself :p) seemed awfully similar to a scene in Littlefoot1616’s Battle of the Sacred Essences where the human character does the same thing, though admittedly the dinosaurs’ reaction is what one would expect given their unfamiliarity with the concept of clothing. The professor’s response to Ducky’s scream when she saw him take his shirt off added a bit of original humor, though. By the way, “clothes” is misspelled as “cloths”.

Quote
everyone plays the game. Chomper has no problem finding everyone and splashing them.
The beginning of this part should have been capitalized, but more importantly, I think you should have made an actual scene out of the gang playing the game, rather than summarizing it all in this one brief sentence. At the very least, I would have been more descriptive; for instance, mentioning the order in which Chomper tagged everyone, which players he had a harder or easier time catching, and perhaps how the Professor fared playing this game compared to the gang.

The scene where Chomper tries coconut milk (or the juice of a coconut-like fruit, at least) was interesting, and it does reflect the reality that many animals, including carnivores, occasionally obtain nutrition from sources outside their usual diet.

The concept of Saurus Rock being a sacred site for longnecks to go to commune with their dead was an idea I had never thought of before, and liked very much. However, I found myself rather distracted from these scenes by the subplot (B plot?) with the flyers, which had so much action in it that it felt like the climax of the episode, effectively stealing the show from Littlefoot’s spiritual encounter with his grandfather, which really should have been the “peak” of the story. Personally, I think the episode could have been improved if it had focused more on Littlefoot’s side of the story, with the flyer attack substituted for something less dramatic, like the gang pursuing their more-or-less regular daily activities, getting to know the Professor better (and vice versa) in the process. Basically, if you had stuck with the sort of thing the characters were doing in the “coconut” scene, I think the episode would have been better.

Quote
Bron: "I remember the stories you told me when I was young, mom. You said that you can talk to loved ones from this very rock."
I realized when I read this line that I had corrected you on Bron not being Littlefoot’s grandparents’ son long after this chapter was posted. Therefore, I cannot fault you on Bron referring to Grandma Longneck as “mom”.

This exchange after the sharptooth flyer hits the side of a cliff while carrying Cera…
Quote
Professor: "Did you hurt the cliff?"

Cera: Tries to get up and charge at the Professor, but trips and doesn't get up. "uuh, I'll get you later."
…hilarious! :lol

Even though the sharptooth flyers attacked the gang with the intention of eating them, I think watching Chomper kill them (and later, knowing that he had eaten them) would be rather disturbing for the rest of the gang. At the very least, I think they would feel uncomfortable around him afterwards, knowing that he had just killed and eaten a dinosaur like them (even if it was a sharptooth, and, technically, a pterosaur :p).

With luck, I'll have my review for Episode 5 in shortly after I cast my votes for the GOF Awards (which I'm hoping will be sometime this weekend).
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 27, 2011, 02:57:44 PM
Thanks for the review Pangaea :yes

And thanks for getting worked up about the "Chomper eating the flyer" Part! I wrote that in on purpose to make people scratch their heads. I left it ambiguous by not explaining HOW it happened. I thought maybe it would get people to think about it and ask questions. Thanks for that Pangaea, that was what I was going for! ;)

And while you and Pterano are looking over my first season, I'm keeping tabs on it and making a list of things I'm going to be doing to certain episodes in that season when I revamp it someday. I was really wanting feedback on how to make it better, and I'm grateful that I'm getting it. Thanks guys! :lol:

I feel like I can talk about this now, so I will.

Since the Fanfiction Awards are ending on August 1st, I plan to start this series back up sometime in early August(Don't have a date yet.). I'm still writing up new episodes, and I'm hoping I can get a few of them done before I start the season back up again, that way I'll have a lot of breathing room, and won't be writing what's do out that week. I also think that's a lot more realistic compared to a real TV series, because the scripts will be written up in advance, liek they would for an actual TV series.

Also, I'll say that episode 21 - "The Meat Hits the Fan" Is basically the mid-season special. I'm making this an hour-long special, so it'll be twice as long as one of my regular episodes! A lot of stuff is going to be going on in it, and it's gonna be epic!

That's it for now...
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Caustizer on June 30, 2011, 05:38:09 PM
I think I will review this Fan Fiction for you, since I can see you have put a lot of time into it and will appreciate both the praise and criticism which I have to give.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on July 22, 2011, 10:17:00 PM
This is something I've actually never done before. I don't believe I've ever made 1000 posts on any other forum. That's gotta say something good about this one! Anyway, for my 1000th post, I'm doing something special; a massive information dump for PAST-O-RAMA!

Before that, I'll just say that there's still a few more reviews I plan to do for the GoF 2011 Fanfiction Awards. I see now I WON'T get to review everything like I hoped I could, but I've done a lot so far, and I'll do whatever else I can. Now, onto PAST-O-RAMA!

I've kept it mostly under wraps, but I've still been working on new episodes,
even while reading and reviewing tons of other fanfictions. Right now, I have 3 new episodes completely finished and ready to post, and I hope to get more finished as the date of the show starting back up again draws near.

On that note, I will resume the show on Friday, August 5th at 10PM, 9 Central! (Yes, I'm going to be that exact; this is a TV show after all!) I will post the 10 remaining season 2 episodes every Friday at the same time of night, meaning the season finale will air on October 7th!

One really fun thing I'm going to be doing is holding a live table reading of these episodes on the GoF chatroom when I air them. That means me and a few other members will be reading through the episode scripts in the character's voices (Well, the best we can pull off XD) So far, me, Pterano, Trulyfantasticme, Belmont, and a few other random members have done several practice readings in the chatroom, and we've found it to be tons of fun! If you have a mic, and think this would be fun, you can join us as well. My episodes usually have lots of different characters, so there's always room for voice actors. (we're in DESPERATE need for anyone that can pull of children's voices for the Gang. Me and Pterano...well, we just can't do it >.<) I'm HOPING to record these table readings as well, so I can upload them and post them in this thread. (if someone can answer my recording question, then PLEASE answer it! PLEASE!)

Now, I'll give you a synopsis/summery of 8 of the 10 remaining episodes this season! Lucky you!

Episode 20 - Tales of Interest (Aug 5th)
One day, the Gang decides to have a different kind of adventure; inside the Professor's Cave! The Professor stumbles in on them, and in the chase that ensues, the Gang decides they want to hear a story about the Professor's past. Being the inquiring kids they are, they won't leave without a story!

Episode 21 - The Meat Hits the Fan (Aug 12th)
Being an hour-long mid-season special, this is going to be a rather eventful episode! Meat will hit the fan as secrets two characters did not want the Great Valley to know about are accidentally revealed. One of these two characters is the Professor, and his secret is his diet. All of the adults discover he is actually a meat-eater, when he's lied about it the whole time, and he gets kicked out of the Great Valley for it! Something special happens to the Professor in this episode. Also, throughout this whole mess, Pterano doesn't feel very appreciated for what he's trying to do for the valley.

Episode 22 - Oh, how the Meek have Fallen (Aug 19th)
I'll tell you right off the bat that this episode will be like "The Most Evil Swimmer" in that it will be really...um...weird. After one of the Gang is lost, Ducky takes it especially hard. Will she be able to deal with the loss, or will she go crazy in the process?

Episode 23 - The Very Sharp Threehorn Girl (Aug 26th)
After an especially tough sharptooth badmouthing session from Cera, Chomper is furious. This time, Chomper decides to finally get back at the bossy little threehorn; by pulling of the biggest prank he's ever done on the show! With the help of the Gang, and a LOT of help from the Professor, Chomper is going to make Cera see what it's REALLY like being a sharptooth!

Episode 24 - From One Adventurer to Another (Sept 2nd)
It's Petrie's Starday today, and his dear old uncle has something special planned! Pterano is going to take his nephew out on an epic adventure into the Mysterious Beyond, But...was that really a good idea?

Episode 25 - Great Valley: The Grand Tour (Sept 9th)
Chomper comes back on his promise to his friend from from the Mysterious Beyond. He brings his little friend, Cutter, to the Great Valley for a tour! This tour won't end well, though. Also, will Littlefoot EVER get a wink of sleep tonight? Tune in and find out! :lol

Episode 26 - Sweet Dreams (Sept 16th)
This will really be more of a funny and silly cool-down episode before the epic three-parter that follows. One night, we'll take a look inside the minds of the Gang of Seven, as we see the sorts of sleep stories they have at night. So, what sorts of dreams do abnormal kids, who've been through so many life-and-death situations, dream? Hmm, maybe you don't want to know!

Episode 27 - The Farwalker's World Part 1 (Sept 23rd)
After 6 long months, the rainbowfaces are back for the third time! This time, they are on a special mission, involving the Professor. The Professor has a special mission as well, involving the rainbowfaces! After he accidentally learns something about the rainbowfaces from Littlefoot, he's dead-set on trying to save the Great Valley from them! Now please bear in mind, this is just the first part!

Episode 28 - The Farwalker's World Part 2 (Sept 30th)
...

Episode 29 - The Farwalker's World Part 3 (Oct 7th)
...

So anyway, about two weeks until the show starts back up again, seeya then!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on July 22, 2011, 10:32:12 PM
I knew I wouldn't be able to see that pterano episode til school started... :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on July 25, 2011, 08:00:49 PM
Sorry about that TFM :b I hope you think it's worth the wait.

I'm working on some preview stuff to start showing off soon. I'm thinking of starting this on the Friday before the premiere, with a new quote every day from the first 8 episodes. You know, just more pickings for you guys :D

I feel kinda bad that I didn't get any writing on this show done over the weekend, but I still have a little under a month before the episode I'm writing right now it going to air, so I'm not going to get worried about it.

And if anyone would like to table read with us in the chatroom, just PM me about it. ;) Like I said, we need anyone who can pull of children's voices.

Edit: Here's the previews as I show them, if you miss any and wanna see them.

Cera: "huh, I wonder what this little thing is?"

Cera nudges the answering machine, pressing one of the buttons. The answering machine goes off, playing a recording of the Professor's voice.

Phone: "Hello, you have reached the Professor, and you already know too much about me for me to continue. BEEP!"

Littlefoot: "Was that the Professor just now?"

Cera: "That little thing can talk!"

From Episode 20 - Tales of Interest (Aug 5th)


Littlefoot: "No, don't make them leave!"

Bron: "Littlefoot, stay out of this!"

Mr. Threehorn: "While we're at it, let's get rid of Littlefoot too! He's a bad influence on the children! Always getting them in trouble and..."

Bron and Grandma Longneck both give Mr. Threehorn a hard whack with their massive tails, knocking him over.

Tria walks over to Mr. Threehorn. She laughs as she helps her mate back up.

From Episode 21 - The Meat Hits the Fan (Aug 12th)


Ruby: "Hmm, there is a cave there? Because I never noticed a cave there before!"

Littlefoot: "Yes, and some kind of strange, pretty stone is inside of it!"

Cera: "Humpth! How do YOU know that, longneck?"

Littlefoot: "Well...Mr. Thicknose told me."

Professor: "That old coot? Why, he's almost as senile as I am!"

From Episode 22 - Oh, how the Meek have Fallen (Aug 19th)


Cera rushes foward to the pond next to the threehorn nest. She looks at her own reflection in the water, shakes her head, take a second look, then screams.

Cera: "What's happening to me!?"

She slowly backs away, then bolts off. Her parents look on at her, confused.

Mr. Threehorn: "What's wrong with our daughter, Tria?"

Tria: "Oh, I don't know. Must have lost another game to Littlefoot yesterday or something."

From Episode 23 - The Very Sharp Threehorn Girl (Aug 26th)


Pterano: "Ah, being an adventurer. Soaring wherever the wind takes you. Excitement! Action! Valor! Nary a care in the world! Isn't this the life, Petrie?"

Petrie: It sure is, Uncle!"

Pterano: "Why, I feel as if I could grasp the world below me in my very talons. I feel as if no obstacle is in my way. As if..."

Pterano rams into a tree at full speed, and starts plummeting to the earth below.

Petrie: "Uncle?"

From Episode 24 - From One Adventurer to Another (Sept 2nd)


Inside the main room of the cave, the Professor is sitting down, watching a TV screen, which is suspended from the ceiling on the other side of the room. On the TV screen is a video of the chaos that is ensuing outside.

Professor: "Oh dear, I should do something!"

He looks down at himself.

Professor: "...Though I AM already in my pajamas..."

His head falls back, and he drifts off to sleep.

From Episode 25 - Great Valley: The Grand Tour (Sept 9th)


Littlefoot: "Morning, Chomper!"

Ducky: "It will be a great day today, will it not?"

Petrie: "Me hope so!"

Cera: "Let's have some breakfest!"

The Gang joins Chomper in eating the cuts of hanging meat from the tree.

Littlefoot: "Mmm, this is some good redfood!"

A snip-it from Chomper's sleepstory from Episode 26 - Sweet Dreams (Sept 16th)


Male Rainbowface: "Well...let's just say that we want to learn more about him."

Female Rainbowface: "Say, how would you all like to help us find this... Professor?"

Chomper: "Sure, I'd love to help you hunt him down!"

Cera looks at Chomper disconcertingly.

Chomper: "Um...that came out wrong..."

From Episode 27 - The Farwalker's World Part 1 (Sept 23rd)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 05, 2011, 10:09:18 PM
EDIT: Alright, no table reading this time. Um...stuff happened XD. Everything fell apart and we never got past the first couple of lines. Sorry about that folks. Maybe next week will be better lol.

EDIT 2: Um, here's a recording of what happened in the chatroom...if your interested episode 20 XD (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=W5ZSJUUM). Granted, that was 45 minutes after we were already supposed to start it XD.

----------------------------------------

Episode 20 - Tales of Interest

Humpth! Took ya long enough!

Scene: The Great Valley, at dusk, near the Professor's cave.

Camera pans to some foliage near the cave. The bushes shake, and the camera angle changes to to view just outside the entrance of the cave. A dinosaur's shadow creeps up to the entrance. It's Chomper. The gang comes up behind him.

Chomper: "Are you guys sure you want to go in?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, I want to look around."

Chomper: "But won't that make the Professor mad?

Cera: "He's not even here, so he won't see us!"

Chomper: "Hey, what's that?"

The camera's point of view is out of a wall next to the cave. Chomper points at the camera.

Ducky: "I am not sure, no."

Littlefoot: "The Professor told me about these things before, he calls it a painting."

Cera: "What's that?"

Littlefoot: "He says paintings are supposed to look like something."

Cera: "Well, this one doesn't look very good!"

Chomper: "Yeah, it doesn't really look like anything to me."

Littlefoot: "Oh well, I guess he just has a different taste in art than we do."

The Gang walks into the cave. The object they were talking about is simply a "Keep Out!" Sign. Inside the cave, Littlefoot peeks his head behind a lava-lamp.

Littlefoot: "What's this?"

Ducky: "It looks very pretty, yes it does."

Ruby: "Such colors, and also such colors that are moving! It looks beautiful!"

Cera walks up to an answering machine on a flat rock.

Cera: "Huh, I wonder what this little thing is?"

Cera nudges the answering machine, pressing one of the buttons. The answering machine goes off, playing a recording of the Professor's voice.

Phone: "Hello, you have reached the Professor, and you already know too much about me for me to continue. BEEP!"

Littlefoot: "Was that the Professor just now?"

Cera: "That little thing can talk!"

Ruby: "His cave is full of so many strange things, and just looking at all of these strange things is making my head spin!"

Littlefoot: "Why didn't I explore in here sooner!?"

Ducky: "I like it, I really do!"

Littlefoot: Walking up to a refrigerator. "Now what's this?"

Chomper: "Hmm." He pulls the door open, and shivers from the cold air that rushes out. "Brr! Why is this thing so cold?"

Littlefoot: "It's like the Cold Times in there!"

Littlefoot sticks his head inside the freezer at the top and pulls out a frozen steak in his mouth.

Littlefoot: In a muffled voice. "What's this?"

Chomper: "You know what, I'm not really sure."

Chomper brings his sniffer up close to the steak to smell the very faint whiff of meat. He grabs the meat out of Littlefoot's mouth, and sticks it back in the freezer.

Littlefoot: "What did you do that for?"

Chomper: "I just don't feel like we should be messing with that!"

Cera: "Why not?"

Chomper: "Um, well...I just don't want to make the Professor mad at us. That's all."

Cera: "Don't worry. He won't find us here!"

Professor: "Not find who where?"

Littlefoot: Turning around. "Oh, uh, Professor!"

Professor: "What are you all doing in here? I said I don't like anyone touching my things!"

Cera: "Um...Uh..."

Littlefoot: "We just wanted to look around."

Chomper: "I tried to stop them!"

Littlefoot stares at Chomper, annoyed.

Professor: "Well, aren't you all going to get out now?"

Littlefoot: "Do we have to?"

Professor: "YES!"

Cera: "Well I'm not going, this place is just too much fun!"

Professor: "I said get out!"

The Professor starts trying to shoo the dinosaurs out of his home. The Gang takes off, running all around the cave.

Professor: "Shoo!"

The Professor picks up a rolled up piece of newspaper, and tries to hit mebers of the Gang with it. Cera crashes into a shelf, knocking the lava lamp down and breaking it.

Professor: "Ahh! Stop it! Get out of here already!"

The Professor walks up to Ducky, preparing to pick her up and throw her out of the cave.

Ducky: Holds up a picture frame. "Ooh, what is this?"

Professor: "Wha?

The Professor suddenly stops in his tracks. He bends down and grabs the frame from Ducky's hands, then adjusts his glasses to take a gander.

Professor: "Ah, that...that's just a picture of my brother."

Ruby: "You have a brother?"

Professor: "Yes, I do, actually. I thought I told you all a little about him already?"

Littlefoot: "Where is he?"

Professor: "Hmm, well...that's a little hard to explain."

Cera: "Well, get to explaining!"

Professor: "Let's see. He's still at the area where I came from."

Littlefoot: "You mean from across the Big Water?"

Professor: "Hmm? Oh, right. Yes, that's right."

Chomper: "Why didn't he come with you?"

Professor: "That'd be even harder to explain!"

Ruby: "Oh, please tell us Professor!"

Chomper: "And I'd like to hear what it's like over there!"

Ducky: "Yes, I would really like to hear, yes I would!"

Professor: "I don't really WANT to tell you about that!"

Littlefoot: Oh, please Professor?"

Professor: "No! And get out of here already!"

Cera rams the Professor.

Professor: "Oof!"

He gets up and dusts himself off.

Professor: "Hm, I suppose you all aren't leaving my cave until I do?"

Littlefoot: Smirking. "I think that's a fair trade!"

Professor: Sighs. "Very well then. I'll tell you all about my life back there...and my brother."

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: The Professor's cave.

The Gang is crowded around the cavernous room, with the Professor sitting on the flat rock in the middle. He's thinking to himself.

Littlefoot: "Aren't you gonna tell us?"

Cera: "Yeah, let's get on with it!"

Professor: "Okay, okay! Just hold your horses!

Ducky: "Hold our what?"

Professor: Talking to himself quietly. "Hmm, now how am I supposed do THIS?"

Ducky: Walking up close to him. "Did you not come from across the Big Water, Professor?"

Professor: Thinking for another moment. "Oh, yes, that's right. Yes I came from across the Big Water, like I said."

The Professor clears his throat, and begins his story.

Professor: "I'll start my story on the day that I left that place. Anyway, I used to live in a far off land, across a vast ocean. A beautiful land..."

As the Professor starts his story, camera pans out of his cave, and over a short distance to the left. Then, time fades a hundred million years into the future to show a house sitting close to that same cave. Camera switches to show the interior of the house.

Scene: The Professor's old house, in his bedroom.

The Professor is still asleep in his bed.

Professor: Narrating. "I was just waking up in my....um...cave."

An alarm goes off, and the Professor jumps out of his bed. He scurries down the stairs, and right out of the door. When he makes it outside, he notices he's still in his pajamas. A neighbor walks by.

Neighbor: "Heheh, haven't woken up yet, I see!"

The Professor's brother walks casually out of the house, laughing at him.

Professor's Brother: "Good to see your up!"

Professor: Narrating. "My brother played another practical joke on me that morning, just like Chomper often does."

Chomper: "What did he do?"

Professor: Narrating. "Well...basically, he cried SHARPTOOTH!; and then laughed at me when I ran away."

Professor: "Now what was all that for!?"

Professor's Brother: "Sorry, bro, but you were sleeping in. We've got a big day today!"

Professor: "What's going on?"

Professor's Brother: "Heheheh, just wait and see!"

Scene: A more populated area of the valley town, at a laboratory.

The Professor and his brother walk into a large laboratory.

Professor: Narrator. "So, me and my brother went to...another cave for work that day."

Cera: "Work?"

Scene switches back to the Professor's cave.

Professor: "...yeah, like a job."

Littlefoot: "Whats a job?"

Professor: "Well, it's something you're assigned to do, usually something important. I guess it's kind of like how your father is the leader of the valley, Littlefoot. That would be his job."

Littlefoot: "Oh, okay then. Um... what was you and your brother's job there then?"

Professor: "Well..."

Scene: The laboratory building, inside another room.

The Professor and his brother are in this room, surrounded with all manner of scientific instruments; beakers, burners, measuring tools, etc. The two brothers stand over a boiling beaker.

Professor and his Brother: Laugh maniacally.

Professor: Narrating. "Studying things. You know, waht with trying to learn about the world and all."

Professor: "So, we've completed the Elixir-that-Makes-Everything-Taste-Horrible! What now?"

Professor's Brother: "How bout we grab a bite to eat?"

Professor: "Actually, I heard the lab's having something special today!"

Chomper: "Ooh, lunch! What did you have?"

Scene: A courtyard outside the laboratory building.

The Professor and his brother are sitting at a table, while a nameless man is turning a suckling pig on a spit over a fire.

Professor: "Is it done, yet?"

Professor's Brother: "I'm starving!"

Professor: Narrating "Um, a bunch of treesweets. Yes, that's what we had. ...Anyway, there was a test we were going to do later that day."

Professor's Brother: "So, we've nearly got things ready for that "test"."

Professor: "'Test?' I never heard of any 'test!'"

Professor's Brother: "That project is going along faster than we thought it would."

Professor: "What are you even talking about?"

Professor's Brother: "Heheh..."

Scene: A hallway in the laboratory.

Professor: "So, what is that secret project already?"

Professor's Brother: "Right in here!"

The Professor's brother leads him into another room, which has a table in the center with a cloth on it.

Professor: Sarcastically. "A cloth? My, that is impressive!"

Professor's Brother: "Heheh, not that, but this!"

The brother pulls the cover off the table to reveal a very small device.

The Professor's Brother: "A time machine!"

----------------------------(Commercial Break)----------------------------------

Scene: The Professor's cave.

Littlefoot: "Time machine? What's that?"

Professor: "Did I say time machine? I...uh...meant a boat! Yes, let's go with that!"

Ducky: "Then, what is a boat?"

Professor: "Actually, that will be a little easier to explain. It's something made out of wood that can float on water, so you can cross a river or an ocean with it."

Littlefoot: "Actually, that DOES make sense...for once."

Professor: Anyway, let's get back to that little story, shall we?"

Scene: The laboratory, in the same room the time machine was in.

Dozens of scientists, professors, and other humans are now gathered in the room. The Professor and his brother are in the back. The room is abuzz with chatter and banter.

Professor: "So, what's going on?"

A door in the back of the room opens, and another human in white lab coat walks in, making his way to the front.

Professor's Brother: "Shh, it's Doctor Mabutu!"

Doctor Mabutu: "Today is a special day; both for us, and for the entire scientific community!"

Professor's Brother: "Amen brother!"

Doctor Mabutu: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the world's first time machine!"

The audience of scientists oohs and aahs.

The Professor's brother comes up to take the stage.

Professor's Brother: "With this, we can do great things!"

The Professor's brother clicks a small device, and the screen next to him changes, showing pictures of different ancient civilizations.

Professor's Brother: "We can go back to any time we want to, and bring back artifacts; In mint condition to boot!

He clicks his device again, and the screen changes to show a variety of animals and creatures.

Professor's Brother: "We can bring back living organisms even! Just imagine what we can do!"

The Professor starts to look shocked.

Professor: "Eh-wha?"

Professor's Brother: "Even dinosaurs!"

Professor: "No! We can't do that!"

Professor's Brother: "...why not?"

Professor: "It's just not right!"

Doctor Mabutu: "You're not making much sense, sir."

Professor: "It's just something we were never meant to do! You believe me, don't you, brother?"

Professor's Brother: "Come again?"

Professor: "OOOoooOOO! You just don't understand me!"

The Professor runs up on-stage and grabs the time machine. He then darts out of the room.

Doctor Mabutu: "Wait! Come back!"

Professor's Brother: "I'll get him!"

The Professor's brother chases the Professor through a hallway.

Professor's Brother: "Wait! stop!"

Professor: "Never!"

The Professor runs out the front door of the laboratory, with his brother hot on his tail. The Professor gets chased to an alley, and then a dead end. He turns around.

Professor: "Stay back!"

Professor's Brother: "What are you doing?"

Professor: "I have to stop you! You can't do that!"

Professor's Brother: "Wait! Can't we think this through?"

Professor: "Too late!"

The Professor pushes the big button on the small time travel device, and disappears in a blue light. Time lapses back a hundred million years, to nighttime in the now Great Valley. The blue lights reappears.

Narrator: "...what? I told you already; I quit!"

The Professor steps out of the blue light and walks off. The flashback story ends.

Scene: The Professor's cave.

Professor: "So, I stole the boat, hopped on the ocean...er, Big Water, and journeyed quite a ways...until I made it to this peaceful little valley...yeah."

Petrie: "Why you leave again?"

Professor: "Eh-wha?"

Ducky: "Why did you want to leave, Professor?"

Professor: "Well...I...just wanted to go somewhere new for a change."

Ruby: "Will you ever go back there someday?"

Professor: "NO! In fact, I don't really WANT to go back!"

Littlefoot: "...what do you mean?"

Professor: "It's...kinda hard to explain."

Littlefoot: "Well, get to..."

Ducky: "Maybe we should stop, Littlefoot."

Ruby: "Yes, Ducky's right. We wanted him to tell us a story, and he told us a story, so we shouldn't ask him to tell us ANOTHER story!"

Chomper: "Yeah, and it's getting late."

Littlefoot: "Oh...alright then."

Littlefoot walks up to the sitting Professor, still holding the picture of his brother in his hand, and nuzzles him.

Littlefoot: "Goodnight, Professor."

Professor: "Night, everyone."

The Gang finally leaves the Professor, and exits the cave.

Chomper: "Did anyone understand ANYTHING the Professor was saying?"

Cera: "Humpth! No!"

Ruby: "Not me either. That story didn't make any sense, or else I would have made some sense out of it!"

Littlefoot: "Oh well, at least it was an interesting story."

Petrie: "It was, very interesting!"

Camera leaves the Gang, and pans back into the cave. The Professor walks over to a rock on the side of the cave, and sits down, staring at the picture of his brother.

Professor: "I'm so angry with that old coot! Why'd he have to do that!? Was he REALLY going to go through with all of that?" He sighs. "Still, he is my brother...Hmm, I wonder if I'll ever see him again."

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on August 06, 2011, 12:08:28 AM
Well I liked how this chapter opened, with the gang just inviting themselves in to his place, and going all around getting into things. XD The Professor then chases them around, as if they were animals. The humor was pretty good starting off, and I liked that. There was some subtle humor with the "art" reference, when it was really just a keep out sign, which I liked. XD It might not be fully canon, but I thought it funny all the same. XD

The story was good, and I didn't think it was weak or anything. It flowed well, and kept me reading, though it got a little choppy in the middle, but we smoothed those errors out. :) I think you still have your stride going from the earlier episodes in this season, and though some purists may of course be disappointed with it, I am not, and thought it a pretty good episode overall. :DD None of them could ultimately understand the story in the end, but that is probably for the best. It certainly leaves open the question of whether or not he'll see his brother again.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: brekclub85 on August 06, 2011, 12:20:25 AM
This chapter provided an interesting back story, good job Vonboy!

I like the 7-way "We have no idea what any of that was!" ending.  :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 09, 2011, 02:06:11 PM
Last second changes for the win!

Actually, this won't really change much, but I'm splitting the one-hour special this Friday into two separate episodes. They'll both still be posted up this Friday, so everything else is still on the same schedule. This just bumps every episode up a number, and makes the finale episode 30.

So the schedule now looks like this...
Episode 21 - The Meat Hits the Fan Part 1 (August 12th)
Episode 22 - The Meat Hits the Fan Part 2 (Also August 12th)
Episode 23 - Oh, How the Meek Have Fallen (August 19th)
Episode 24 - The Very Sharp Threehorn Girl (August 26th)
Episode 25 - From One Adventurer to Another (September 2nd)
Episode 26 - Great Valley: The Grand Tour (September 9th)
Episode 27 - Sweet Dreams (September 16th)
Episode 28 - The Farwalker's World Part 1 (September 23rd)
Episode 29 - The Farwalker's World Part 2 (September 30th)
Episode 30 - The Farwalker's World Part 3 (October 7th)

thanks Pterano for continuing to proofread these episodes! And thanks for the reviews too :)

And thanks to you too, Brekclub, for your review. :yes

And thanks everyone who reviewed this series for the Fanfiction awards! One thing I see almost everyone brought up was the lack of description. This being scripts for a TV series though, I don't see how I can really improve on that much. I kind of want it to be in the style it is in now, just because it's more fast-based, and better paced. I mean, you can read through these and imagine your actually watching a TV episode (As me and several other members have pointed out before) I like that, and I'm willing to sacrifice novel-like description for it.

Also, about not knowing lickity split about what the Professor looks like; I did do short introduction paragraphs for my three fast biter OC's in the episode they premiered in. I might do something like that for the Professor in the very first episode when I revamp it.

And I'll also tell you ahead of time, that after this season, season 3 won't be coming out for a long time. Probably not till next year. One reason for that is there's a secret writing project that I will be doing between these two seasons. Also, I realize now I need to have some of this stuff done well in advance. :bang

I guess that's enough for now. :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 12, 2011, 10:01:44 PM
Hmm, waiting on anyone that might wanna do the reading. don't really wanna do it with just two people.

anyway, here's the episode :) I'll post part 2 up sometime later tonight.

EDIT: Actually managed to proofread part 1 at least :) Here (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=M6IL65XC) it is.

It features Pterano as Pterano (lol) and Bron
Me as the Professor and Mr. Thicknose, and the action lines
LBTDiclonius as the Gang and the female adults (AKA 80% of the cast :b)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 21 - The Meat Hits the Fan Part 1

Chomper agrees, this episode is extra meaty!

Scene: The Professor's cave, in the morning.

The Professor is still in his cave, sleeping in. Littlefoot sneaks into his cave yet again, walks up to the sleeping human, and nudges him.

Littlefoot: "Professor? PROFESSOR! GET UP!"

Professor: "WAH!" Jumping out of bed. "Littlefoot! What was that for? And what are you doing in my cave again!?"

Littlefoot: "Well, there's a special meeting today, Professor, and I thought you'd might like to go to it."

Professor: "ANOTHER meeting? Hmm, I'm not so sure."

Littlefoot: Pushing the Professor out of the cave. "Aw, come on Professor!"

Professor: "Okay! Okay! I'm going!"

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Great Meeting Circle, in the morning.

All of the adults of the Valley, the Gang and the Professor are gathered for the special event.

Bron: "Welcome, everyone!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! What's it today? There's isn't supposed to be another meeting till next week!"

Bron: "Today is a special meeting, Topsy, for we are welcoming a new one into the Great Valley Council!"

The adults start murmuring amongst themselves.

Professor: "I wonder why I even bother coming to these meetings in the first place."

Littlefoot: "I kind of like these meetings, actually. I always make them when I can."

Cera: Rolling her eyes. "Humpth!"

Bron: "Now quiet down everybody!"

Bron clears his throat and continues.

Bron: "We have had a new guest in the Valley for quite a while now. One who, maybe wasn't welcomed at first, but has really grown to be very dependable and liked amongst the residents of this valley. So today, I am proud to announce...the newest member of the Great Valley Council is..."

Pterano comes casually walking up.

Pterano: "Why thank you everyo-."

Bron: "...The Professor!"

Everyone at the Great Meeting Circle gasps. Pterano shuts up, lowers his head, and slowly walks off again.

Professor: "Eh-wha?"

Littlefoot pushes on the Professor's back.

Littlefoot: "Go on Professor!"

The Professor travels to the front of the conglomeration. Littlefoot sneaks off.

Professor: "Oh my, I never expected this!"

Bron: Looking down at the Professor. "You're a very unique creature, Professor, and that is just what our valley needs."

Bron turns to face the other adults.

Bron: "This is what our Great Valley was founded upon; bringing all manner of dinosaurs together to work together for the greater good. Having even more variety among our ranks will do us some good!"

Everyone starts to cheer. The Gang, minus Littlefoot, walk up to congratulate the Professor.

Chomper: "Congratulations, Professor!"

Ruby: "This is great!

Ducky: "I feel so happy for you! I do, I do!"

Professor: "Hey, where did Littlefoot go?"

Littlefoot: "Right here!"

Littlefoot slowly makes his way to the middle of the group, moving many hard pointy treesweets with his tail.

Professor: "Ah, refreshments!"

Littlefoot makes it to the middle of the Gang and the human. The Professor starts grabbing treesweets, using his knife to cut holes in the treesweets. Ruby grabs a treesweet, and shoves it into Cera's horn.

Cera: "Ow! Hey, what was that for!?"

Ruby: Pulling the treesweet out."I'm just trying to help the Professor, Cera; helping him so we can get it done faster!

The Professor and Ruby rush to get 8 treesweets open, and then pass them out to the Gang of seven and the Professor.

Littlefoot: "Now, here's to the Professor!"

Everyone else: "Here here!"

Everyone takes a drink of the white, milky liquid in each treesweet. Ducky holds Spike's for him, Chomper holds Littlefoot's for him, and likewise with Ruby for Cera.

Professor: "Ah! Smooth!"

Chomper: "I think I'm getting used to this stuff!"

Littlefoot: "So, what are you going to do, now that you’re part of the Council?"

Professor: Whispers. "Oh, I don't know. Probably finish that experiment I've been working on.

Petrie: Whispers also. "Me hope it go better than last time!"

Professor: "I'm glad I've made so many friends here!"

Chomper: "Yeah! Well, I know we weren't exactly friends when we first met, but I'm glad we’re close now!"

Cera: Almost yelling. "Yeah, you’re both so much closer now since Chomper attacked you!"

The adults gasp. The gang collectively does a spit-take.

Cera: Wide-eyed, realizing what she just said. "...Oops."

----------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------------

Mr. Threehorn: "That little sharptooth did WHAT!?

Chomper: "Uh, I can explain!"

Bron: Lowering his head down to the Gang. "Littlefoot, is this true?"

Littlefoot: "Well, um..."

Bron: "IS IT?"

Littlefoot: His head down. "...Yes."

Grandma Longneck: "Chomper! Do you remember what you promised when you first came here? That you would never attack anyone!"

Chomper: "But...I did it for a reason!"

Ducky's Mom: "You tried to eat the Professor?"

Chomper steps back, worried.

Chomper: "No, I wasn't trying to eat the Professor!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Why else would you attack someone?"

Chomper: "Because I thought he was a threat!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Threat? Ha!"

Bron: "Chomper, if you don't have any better explanation, we'll have to make you leave the Great Valley!"

Littlefoot: "What? Leave?"

Chomper: “I had a good reason for doing it though.”

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth!"

Chomper: "No, really! I thought HE was trying to eat somebody!"

Bron: "But the Professor isn't a meat-eater!"

Professor: looking guilty. "Uh...it's true, I'm not!"

Chomper: "Yes you are!"

The Professor gives Chomper an angry look.

Professor: "Liar!"

Bron: "Chomper, you have broken an agreement you made when you first entered the valley, and for that, you are banished!"

Chomper: Shocked. "BANISHED!?"

Littlefoot: "NO! Give him another chance!"

Chomper suddenly looks angry; he growls as he nears the Professor.

Professor: "Chomper, what are you doing?"

Chomper jumps on the Professor's back. The Professor shrieks like a little girl.

Bron: "Chomper!"

Petrie's Mom: "Somebody stop him!"

Chomper rips the Professor's backpack open, and several cuts of meat fly out on the ground. The Professor topples to the ground as well.

Chomper: "Look! Look at your leafeater!"

Everyone gasps again.

Littlefoot: "Professor, you eat meat?"

The Professor gets back up. While everyone else is arguing, Chomper walks along the ground, picking up the different cuts of meat, smelling them, and telling everyone what they are.

Chomper: "This one here is longneck!"

Petrie: "Professor a sharptooth!?

Grandma Longneck: "All this time, you've been eating meat in the valley!?

Mr. Threehorn: "That's...That's disgusting!"

Chomper: "This is some threehorn!"

Professor: "...I didn't mean to!"

Littlefoot: "I...I can't believe it!"

Ducky's Mom: "We've never had anything like this happen before!

Bron: "This is serious!"

Chomper: "Eh, can't really tell what this is."

Mr. Threehorn: "Monsters! They’re both monsters!"

Chomper: "EW! Domehead!"

Bron: "Forget this! I'm getting tired of arguing!"

Bron grabs the Professor in his mouth.

Professor: "HALP!"

Chomper: "Professor!"

Bron heads towards a wall of the Great Valley, the rest of the adults following in an angry mob.

Littlefoot: "Dad! Stop!"

Chomper: "What's going on?"

Mr. Threehorn: "Let's take that little menace out of this Valley!"

Bron makes it to the edge of the Great Valley. He looks back at Grandma Longneck, who nods her head.

Grandma Longneck: "Go ahead; Do it."

Bron coils up his neck as much as he can, then slings the Professor over the rocky wall.

Professor: "AAAHHH!!!"

Littlefoot: "No!"

The Professor's yell fades as he flies off into the distance.

Littlefoot: "...dad, why did you do that?"

Bron: "I thought he was dependable...that he was trustworthy...but I was wrong!"

Chomper: "Whew. At least we're rid of that little menace!"

All of the adults turn to stare at Chomper angrily.

Chomper: "Uh...guys?"

---------------------------------<Commercial break>-----------------------------

Scene: A lake in the Mysterious Beyond, just outside of the Great Valley.

The Professor flies through the air, screaming. He then lands in the water with a huge splash, skidding along the bottom of the lake bed. He sits there for a moment, coughing up water.

Professor: "Well, bugger it all!"

He gets up and starts walking around. He's shivering from the cold water.

Professor: "Why'd that little sharptooth have to do that to me!?"

He kicks the water, then starts pacing around in it.

Professor: "That little sharptooth just makes me SO angry sometimes. I bet you right now he's in my cave...having a party...breaking all of my things...eating all of my food."

The Professor turns around, raising his fist.

Professor: "Why that little..."

A yell is heard from up in the sky.

Professor: "Herm?"

The Professor looks up into the sky, squinting his eyes as the yelling continues, increasing in intensity.

Professor: "...Chomper?"

Chomper falls out of the sky, crashes into the Professor, and they both somersault in the watery pond for a bit. Chomper ends up on top of the Professor.

Chomper: Waving shyly. "Um...hi."

The professor quickly gets up, knocking Chomper off of him in the process.

Professor: "Why'd you have to do that to me!"

Chomper: "It wasn't my fault! I was about to get kicked out too, so I had to do SOMETHING!"

Professor: "Well, what are we going to do now!?"

Chomper: "We'll just have to live out here, in the Mysterious Beyond!"

Professor: "But, it's dangerous out here!"

Chomper: "Aww, it ain't that bad! We just have to work together. Now, let's look for something to eat."

Chomper and the Professor walk out of the pond to a nearby forest.

Professor: "What is up with this place? There's no treesweets anywhere! What am I supposed to eat?"

Chomper: Picking up a slimy ground crawler. "This!"

The Professor almost gags at the sight of the insect.

Professor: "Do I have to?"

Chomper: "You wanna starve?"

The Professor sighs, grabs the bug from Chomper, and brings it up to his mouth.

Professor: "Uh..."

The Professor hesitates for a moment, then puts the ground crawler in his mouth, slowly swallowing it whole.

Chomper: "How is it, Professor?"

Professor: Coughs. "Ug, awful!"

Chomper: "It is?"

Professor: "ooooOOOOooooOOOOhooo, and I can feel it moving still! Wriggling as it's going down my esophagus!"

Chomper: "I don't get you Professor, you've eaten meat before!"

Professor: "Yeah, but not while it's alive!"

The Professor covers his mouth and runs off-screen. The sound of his throwing up can be heard.

Chomper: "Wow...just...wow."

Scene: The Great Valley, at the flyer's nest, late afternoon.

Pterano is up there, staring at the sunset. Petrie's Mom walks up to him.

Petrie's mom: "What's wrong, brother?"

Pterano: "Nothing. Nothing at all."

Petrie's Mom starts giving him a message.

Petrie's Mom: "You can't lie to ME, Pterano! I know something's up!"

Pterano: "Well, it's just, I'm trying to do a lot for this valley."

Petrie's Mom: "I'll say you are!"

Pterano: "You know, such as that sharptooth look-out party of flyers I put together.

Petrie's Mom: "That was a great idea! Oh, and that special thing you’re planning for Petrie's starday."

Pterano: "Oh yes, I almost forgot about that!"

Petrie's Mom: "...just remember to keep him out of trouble!"

Pterano: "Heheh. Of course.”

Petrie's Mom: "You see? You do a lot for us now!"

Pterano: "I know, but I just don't feel like anyone appreciates it."

Petrie's Mom: "Well, I do."

Pterano: "Thanks for that, sis, but I just don't think the rest of the valley does."

Petrie's Mom: "Oh, I'm sure they do."

Pterano: Sounding cocky. "I was really wanting to get on the Great Valley Council. I SHOULD be in it, actually, but they didn't let me in!"

Petrie's Mom: "Humpth!"

Petrie's Mom gives Pterano a slap across the face, then flies off.

Pterano: "...What?"

Camera pans from the flyer's nest to the Gang below, as they are playing a game of tag.

Cera: "I'm going to get you! Roar!"

Ducky: "Oh no no no!"

Ruby: "Run away everyone, keep away from Cera!"

Spike: "eeeeaaaah!"

Littlefoot is sitting on the sidelines, depressed. Ali walks up to him.

Ali: "Hey Littlefoot. I want to show you something."

Littlefoot just sits there.

Ali: "Littlefoot? Hey, can you hear me?"

Littlefoot sighs.

Ali: "...oh, alright then. Maybe some other time." She walks off.

Ducky: Stopping, and walking up next to Littlefoot. "What is wrong, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "Oh, it’s just Chomper and the Professor didn't have to get kicked out like that!"

Ducky: "Well, I am sure they are okay, Littlefoot."

Scene: A forest in the Mysterious Beyond, at the same time.

Nothing is apparent at first. Chomper and the Professor run across the screen, screaming for their lives.

Chomper: "AAAH!"

Professor: "But...but we weren't doing anything!"

An adult female threehorn barrels across the screen after them.

Scene: Back in the Great Valley.

Littlefoot and Ducky are still talking.

Littlefoot: "I hope so." Getting angry. "I still can't believe what Mr. Threehorn said! He says they’re both bad, that they’re monsters even, but he'd see that they’re both nice if he'd spend more time around them."

Ducky: "Mr. Threehorn was just being Mr. Threehorn, Littlefoot. You don't have to..."

Cera finally makes it to the swimmer, knocking her out of the way of the longneck before she can finish her pep talk. Littlefoot glances at the playing bunch, then looks down, sighing. He then raises his head up with a look of determination, and walks off.

TO BE CONTINUED
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Petrie85 on August 12, 2011, 11:31:46 PM
Looking good Von. Nice work you did there.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 12, 2011, 11:59:25 PM
Episode 22 - The Meat Hits the Fan Part 2

Too meaty for just one episode!

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, entrance of a cave, at night.

It's raining intensely outside as Chomper and the Professor are huddled inside the cave, trying to stay dry.

Chomper: Shivering. "It's so cold out here tonight!"

Professor: "At least my clothes are finally dry."

Chomper: "Well, today wasn't that great, but I'm sure tomorrow will be better!"

Professor: "I hope so. I'm getting kind of hungry out here."

Chomper: "Well, night!"

Professor: "Just wait a second, Chomper! I kind of feel like asking about something."

Chomper: "Really? About what?"

Professor: "About when you attacked me.

Chomper: "Oh, we've already been over this before!"

Professor: "Yes...But, one thing I don't get about that attack. You seemed FURIOUS when I saw you for the first time. Why?"

Chomper: "Well, like I told you already, you had meat on you, and I smelled it. I thought you were a threat, so I tried to drive you out.

Professor: "Well, that STILL doesn't make sense! I mean, you were REALLY furious! You had blood lust in your eyes!"

Chomper pauses for a moment before replying.

Chomper: "Well, it was because of WHAT meat I smelled on you that day."

Professor: "Really?"

Chomper: "Yeah. I smelled you from a distance, and I noticed you actually had longneck meat!"

Professor: "Oh yeah, now I remember!"

Chomper: "And I thought that it was..."

Professor: "...Littlefoot?"

Chomper: "...yeah."

Professor: "Wow, I never even realized..."

Chomper: "Oh, it's alright, Professor. It was all just a big misunderstanding!

The Professor gives a light chuckle.

Chomper: "Enough about that, we have to concentrate on surviving right now!"

Professor: "Yeah, you’re right!"

Chomper: "Anyway, about that, I was thinking of doing something tomorrow."

Professor: "What?"

Chomper: "Well, I see you as a sort of second father to me now."

Professor: "Uh huh. And...?"

Chomper: "Well, I've only EVER felt comfortable doing this with my dad, but I think I could actually do it with you tomorrow."

Professor: "Oh, really? And what might that be?"

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, in the afternoon.

A bush in the jungle rustles, and a dark figure runs out of it into another bush. Sharptooth roars are heard, which are translated on screen.

???: <What is it?>

???: <I can't really tell.>

The two dark figures sneak out of the greenery, revealing themselves as Chomper and the Professor. The Professor is brandishing a spear.

Professor: <Well, I'm getting so hungry right now, I could eat just about anything!>

Chomper: <Hold on, Professor! We've gotta wait for the right moment!>

Professor: <We do?>

Chomper: <Yup, that's the first rule of hunting! Waiting till just the right moment to strike!>

Professor: <Thanks for the tip!>

Chomper: <Yeah, kind of weird how I'm teaching my dad in a way instead of the other way around.>

Professor: <Yeah, I guess that is kind of strange.>

Chomper: <Okay, now! You go ahead, and I'll catch up!>

Professor: <Alrighty then, boss!>

The Professor moves ahead of Chomper, and sneaks through the forest towards the dark figure ahead. The Professor finally makes it to just behind his target. He pulls his spear back, ready to strike, when the figure turns around, making the Professor gasp.

Professor: <Oh my!>

Camera pans to show Littlefoot right in front of the hunter. The Professor hides his spear behind his back, and whistles innocently. Chomper runs up and also gasps.

Littlefoot stares at the Professor for a moment, looking wary, and maybe even a little scared, but he quickly brightens up.

Littlefoot: "Boy, am I glad to see you two!"

Chomper: "...You are?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, I've been looking for you!"

The Professor realizes his communicator is still set to sharptooth, so he sets it back to flattooth.

Professor: "So, why are you here?"

Littlefoot: "I want both of you back!"

Chomper: "...You do?"

Professor: "...Even me?"

Littlefoot: "Of course!"

Professor: "But, I did all of that behind your back!"

Littlefoot: "Well, yes. I'm still mad about that."

The Professor lowers his head.

Littlefoot: "...BUT, I've been around you so much, and I've seen how much you love everyone in the valley, and how you'd never hurt anyone there!"

Chomper: "...yeah. YEAH! That's right!"

Littlefoot: "So, what do you say, wanna come back?"

Chomper: "Well, I’m coming back!"

Professor: Thinking intently. "Hmm..."

Suddenly, Ruby comes barging in through the woods.

Ruby: "Chomper! Come back! Come back and live in the Great Valley!"

Littlefoot: "Sorry Ruby, but you were too slow."

Ruby: "...Darn it!"

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle, in the evening.

The Adults and the Gang have gathered up for a second meeting.

Grandma Longneck: Sighs. "What is going on now?"

Petrie's Mom: "I'm so tired from all of the arguing yesterday."

Ducky's Mom: Yawns. "Yeah! And I was just about to go to sleep too!"

Mr. Threehorn: "ANOTHER MEETING!? What's all been going on around here lately!?"

Other grown ups of the valley murmur amongst themselves, asking questions.

Bron: "I said quiet down everyone!"

Everyone else shuts up.

Bron: Sighs. "Tonight, The banished ones have returned.

Camera zooms in next to Bron, where Littlefoot stands, with Chomper and the Professor on his back, waving shyly.

Bron: "They're asking for a chance to redeem themselves!"

-----------------------------<Commercial break>---------------------------------

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle, late at night.

All the adults are gathered up yet again. Two rocks are set out in the front, with Chomper and the Professor each sitting on one. Littlefoot is beside them, while Mr. Threehorn is behind them.

Mr. Threehorn: "I'm watching you two, so don't pull anything funny!"

Bron: "Okay, let's begin with Chomper. Tell us what happened when you attacked the Professor."

Chomper: "Well, I had just come back with Ruby from a trip to her parents. When I got close to him for the first time that morning, I smelled and noticed he had meat on him somehow; meat of all different kinds! I didn't know what was going on; either he was hunting in the Great Valley, or if he DID already hunt in the valley, or what. So, I growled at him, and started chasing him. He beat me with a stick, which made me mad. I cornered him at a cliff face, then...We were at each other’s necks. If Littlefoot hadn't stumbled on us when he did, the Professor would probably be dead now!"

Professor: "Bunk! You'd be dead!"

They both share competitive stares.

Chomper: "So, that's what happened."

Grandma Longneck: "And you never ONCE told an adult about this?"

Chomper: "...no."

Bron: Sighs. "If you had just come to us, and explained it, we'd understand if you really honestly felt the Professor was hunting in the Valley; but instead, it's been almost a Cold Time, and we were still in the dark! There's no excuse for that!"

Chomper: "Look, no one got hurt in the end. I really care about this valley. THAT is why I attacked him, because I thought he was trying to eat my friends. I just thought in the end it’d be better if no one knew about it."

Spike is sitting next to the watering hole in the back of the meeting group, enjoying a pile of treestars. Petrie walks up for a drink of water.

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth!" He turns to the Professor. "Now, it's your turn!"

Professor: "I just don't see what the big deal is! So what if I'm a meat-eater? There's other meat eaters here. Chomper's a meat eater, and so is Ruby. Heck, all of you flyers are meat eaters too!

Petrie does a spit-take in Spike’s face.

Professor: "Just because I'm a meat eater doesn't mean I'd hurt anybody here!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Hurt anybody!? Ha! Just look at yourself, you couldn't hurt a buzzing flyer!"

Mr. Threehorn starts laughing, while several other adults join in on the laughter. The old threehorn then gives him a gentle whack with his tail, knocking him over. The Professor gets back up, looking distraught.

Ducky's Mom: "We didn't kick you out because you’re a meat eater!"

Professor: "You didn't?"

Petrie's Mom: "No, it's because you flat out lied to us!"

Grandma Longneck: "Yes, you covered it up, and ate meat anyway behind everyone's back!"

Professor: "But...Mr.Threehorn was about to trample me back then! I wasn't about to say I was a meat-eater to one with such big horns! Look, I still care for everyone in the valley. It's just I thought it'd be better if no one knew about this."

Mr Threehorn. "Humpth!"

Bron: "So, now we have it, from both of you. You both say you really care about the Valley, and everyone that lives in its walls, but yet, both of you have tried to keep terrible secrets from us! We can't trust you! That's why you must leave the Valley!"

Littlefoot: "No, don't make them leave!"

Bron: "Littlefoot, stay out of this!"

Mr. Threehorn: "While we're at it, let's get rid of Littlefoot too! He's a bad influence on the children! Always getting them in trouble and..."

Bron and Grandma Longneck both give Mr. Threehorn a hard whack with their massive tails, knocking him over.

Tria walks over to Mr. Threehorn. She laughs while she helps her mate back up. Mr. Threehorn turns back towards Chomper and the Professor.

Mr. Threehorn: "Anyway. You said you did it for the good of the community, and I just have one thing to say about that. You’re both just a couple of Pterano's!”

Pterano: Yelling from the crowd. "I find that to be an offensive statement!"

The adults gasp yet again as the Infamous Old Flyer makes his way out of the crowd, and towards a big rock in front of the congregation.

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth!"

Pterano: "Friends. Valleymen. I come here today to beg for the redemption of these two individuals. Anyone, such as this brave young longneck here..." He looks at Littlefoot. "...could see that these creatures did not do what they did to spite us. It is obvious that they care DEEPLY for our Great Valley, and it is also quite obvious that they would NEVER harbor any ill will on its inhabitants. What these two lads did was wrong, yes, but we must look past that. We must look deep into these two hearts to see their TRUE feelings, their TRUE motivations, their TRUE resolve! So, on this very special night, I ask you to...please...please give these two another chance. Give them a chance to make amends, to right what they have wronged, to HELP the community. Will you do this one small task? Will you?

Everyone in the congregation stare at the Infamous Old Flyer, dumbfounded. After a long pause, Grandma Longneck steps forward and speaks.

Grandma Longneck: "...Is that all, Pterano?"

Pterano: "I...I suppose so."

Bron: "If it is, then it pains me to say that these two are still ba-"

Pterano: "WAIT!"

Bron: sighs. "What is it, Pterano?"

Pterano: "It's just that..." He blurts this next part out quickly. "...whatever they did wasn't HALF as bad as what I did!"

Whatever touching/moving background music was playing just now suddenly stops, the sound of a record scratching replacing it.

Mr. Threehorn: "...He's got a point there, Bron."

Camera snaps to Bron, who’s deep in thought.

-----------------------------<Commercial break>---------------------------------

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle, late at night.

A few adults are still present, but most have disbanded towards their nests. Camera zooms in on part of the Gang, consisting of Cera, Ducky, Spike, Petrie and Ruby. They are still talking amongst themselves.

Petrie: "What just happen?"

Ruby: "Well, I think we just got our Chomper and Professor back! Back from the Beyond!"

Ducky: "It would seem so, yes it would."

Cera: "So...what now?"

Ruby: "Well, I'm really tired now. I think I'll go find Chomper and take him home."

Ducky: "I need to go to my nest too, yup yup..." She yawns. "...yup."

Cera: "See you hatchlings tomorrow!" She takes off.

Petrie: "Me go find uncle." He flies off.

Camera pans over to show Chomper and Littlefoot having a conversation.

Chomper: "Thanks for bringing us back Littlefoot! I didn't want to live in the Mysterious Beyond again."

Littlefoot: "I'm just glad to see you’re back, Chomper! I'm glad the Professor is back too!"

Chomper: "So am I!"

Littlefoot: "This valley was just so...boring without him."

Chomper: "There's just something about him that I really like."

Littlefoot: "Me too!"

Chomper: "Well, see you tomorrow. I'm going to go over and talk to Pterano some."

Chomper starts to walk off.

Littlefoot: "Just one more thing, Chomper.

Chomper: Turning around. "What?"

Littlefoot: "About what happened out there."

Chomper: Looking guilty again. "Uh...yes?"

Littlefoot: "Well, I know it's something you enjoyed doing with your real dad, so...I think I understand."

Chomper: "...Really?"

Littlefoot: "...Yeah. At least you did it out in the Beyond."

Littlefoot stops talking. Chomper walks off, and starts whispering to himself.

Chomper: Flabbergasted. "Littlefoot was actually OKAY with that!? WHAT!?"

Camera pans in the direction Chomper is heading for, to where Pterano is sitting down on a rock, looking down. The Professor walks up to him.

Professor: "Hey Pterano."

Pterano: Raising an eye. "Oh, greetings, Professor."

Professor: "Thanks so much Pterano. I...I mean we really needed that. We'd still be out in the Beyond if it weren't for you!

Pterano: "I'm deeply sorry it had to happen when you almost got into the Council, Professor."

Professor: "Actually, in the end, they DID let me in the Council!"

Pterano: "Really?

Professor: "Yeah! I was surprised by that!"

Pterano sighs.

Professor: "What's wrong, old flyer?"

Pterano: "It's not that I'm ungrateful or anything; I have tried to help the Valley any way I can... But... no one seems to notice.

Professor: "Look, You might not always get recognized for what you do, Pterano."

Pterano: "No?"

Professor: "Nope. That's one thing I've learned over the years. You just have to be happy that the people you love are benefiting. You can't expect praise or reward."

Pterano: "Hmm, I suppose that's something I still need to work on."

Professor: "Oh, it's alright Pterano. I can see that you’re a good old flyer!"

Pterano: "Why thank you Professor! And, I can see you're a good old... Um... well, whatever you are!"

Chomper walks up to Pterano and the Professor.

Chomper: "Hey, what's going on?"

Professor: chuckling. "Oh, just a little talk."

Chomper: "Well, I'm kind of hungry, Professor. You wanna go get something?"

Professor: "Sure."

Chomper: "Anything in particular?"

Professor: "Hmm, I could actually go for some flyer right now!"

Pterano eyes pop open.

Pterano: "Wha...what?"

Chomper: "...You hold him down!"

Pterano: "Ahh!"

Pterano tries to take off into the air, crashing into the arch over the Great Meeting Circle, and finally plummeting to the ground below. The Professor and Chomper walk up to him, with big, toothy grins.

Pterano: "Please! Spare me sirs!"

Chomper and the Professor burst out laughing.

Pterano: "Huh? What's going on here?"

Chomper: Still laughing. "You’re still so gullible, Pterano, but I think I like THAT side of you!"

Pterano: "That was all a joke?"

Professor: "More a prank, really."

Chomper: "Yeah, we love pulling pranks, ESPECIALLY on our friends!"

Pterano: Chuckling. "Glad you see me as a friend then!"

Professor: "Well, we've got to go hit the hay."

Chomper: "Hit the what?"

Professor: "Hey, Chomper, how would you like to spend the night in MY cave tonight?"

Chomper: His face brightening up. "I'd love that!"

Professor: "Then let's get going!"

Chomper and the Professor walk off. The Professor has his arm on Chomper's back.

Pterano: Crossing his wings with a smile. "Heh, I don't know if I'll EVER understand those two!"

Pterano spreads his wings, and takes off towards the family nest.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Petrie85 on August 13, 2011, 12:21:05 AM
Once again nice work there.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on August 16, 2011, 10:26:31 AM
Alright, FINALLY got time to review this. :p Sorry for the delay.

I did the grammatical and spelling corrections already, so I'll move into the story review. I liked this episode two-parter a lot, and not just because it features Pterano in several bits. XD

It created good drama from the start when Chomper got angry and exposed the Professor as a cheat and a liar. It almost seemed a tad out of character, Chomper getting that defensive, but since his neck was literally on the line, he had to do SOMETHING to shift attention away from himself, and if I knew what he knew about the Professor, I'd probably have done the same thing.

They were forced to join together and survive out in the Mysterious Beyond, and that created a reaffirmation of the bond that had existed between them from earlier on, and it was written in a good enough way to establish it as the story progressed.

I also, as usual, thought the humor was pretty good. Topsy getting his comeuppance for his arrogance by the longnecks knocking him over... yeah, I loved that bit. XD I also liked Pterano's speech, and thought it was very in character for him and something he'd speak up and say, though of course they mostly just discount it until he comes off his pedastal and compares it to his own wrongs, which I thought was good. :)

Heh... the ending was pretty humorous too... the Professor and Chomper acting as if they'll devour him. XD Overall, I think this was a solid story. I don't think it stood out quite as much as Little Leafeater and Little Biter in terms of being as touching, or The Return of the Infamous Old Flyer in terms of being as riveting, but it was still pretty good, had good storytelling and writing in it, and was moving in its own right, and I'd give it an 8 or an 8.5 I think.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 19, 2011, 10:02:31 PM
Episode 23 - Oh, How the Meek have Fallen

Friends, a balanced part of this breakfast!

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Professor's cave, in the morning.

The camera sits just outside of the cave, peering in. Groans are heard inside the cave, as the Professor and Chomper come waddling out, looking sick.

Professor: "Uh...Can't take another...bite."

Chomper: "How much more to go?"

Professor: "just one more piece, then it'll finally all be gone."

Chomper: "Please, no more."

Professor: "Uhh."

The Professor falls over on the ground. Cera comes prancing up to the two meat-eaters.

Cera: "Hey guys, what's up?"

Chomper: "erg."

Professor: "Nothing. Urg...nothing at all"

Cera: "Hmm. Well, anyway, I was just coming by to say Littlefoot wanted both of you to come along on an adventure."

Professor: "Adventure?"

Chomper: "What for?"

Cera: "I don't know. Something about finding the some such thing of the I don't care place. I never really listen to that longneck!"

Professor: "We can get to it this afternoon, I don't feel so well right now."

Cera: "Whatever."

Cera walks off, while the Professor turns to Chomper.

Professor: "Let's see. Who's gonna have that last piece?"

Chomper groans again and falls over.

Scene: The Thundering Falls, in the Afternoon.

Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Ruby, and Spike are already there, waiting. Chomper and the Professor walk up.

Chomper: "Hey guys."

Ducky: "Hello Chomper."

Petrie: "And hi Professor."

Professor: "So, what's up? I thought we were going on an adventure."

Cera is lying on the ground, looking bored.

Cera: "We are, apparently."

Professor: "Then why are we waiting over here? Shouldn't we be in the Hidden Valley or some such place?"

Crea: "Humpth! I don't know!"

Ducky: "Littlefoot is coming, he should know!"

Ruby: "Oh, here he comes now!"

Littlefoot walks up to the human and the other dinosaurs.

Littlefoot: "Hey everyone! We've got an adventure to go on today!"

Professor: "Where? Here?"

Littlefoot: "Yes here! Look over there!"

Littlefoot points his tail at a cave behind the falling water.

Ruby: "Hmm, there is a cave there? Because I never noticed a cave there before!"

Littlefoot: "Yes, and some kind of strange, pretty stone is inside of it!"

Cera: "Humpth! How do YOU know that?"

Littlefoot: "Well...Mr. Thicknose told me."

Professor: "That old coot? Why, he's almost as senile as I am!"

Littlefoot: "Well, at least this adventure will be safe!"

Ducky: "Oh right, it will! Nothing bad can happen to us in the Great Valley!"

Littlefoot: "Exactly!"

Littlefoot turns to lead the way.

Littlefoot: "Let's go!"

Cera: "Humpth!"

Littlefoot marches into the cave, with everyone else following him.

Scene: Much further in the cave.

Professor: "My feet are getting tired, how long have we been in here?

Cera: "How are we supposed to know?"

Professor: "Oh...right." Glances at his watch. "Oh my! It's been three hours already!"

Ducky: "Is that a long time?"

Professor: "To me it is!"

A beam of light shines in Littlefoot's face.

Littlefoot: "Well, we finally made it somewhere!"

Littlefoot and the gang walk out of the cave, and peak over the edge to see they are on a cliff just over Thundering Falls.

Professor: "Huh, that was...pointless."

Petrie: "Anyone ever see rock?"

Ruby: "No, can't say I ever did."

Littlefoot: "Oh well, at least we had fun!"

Cera: "You call that fun? We just walked around in circles all day, for nothing!"

Chomper: "At least nobody got hurt!"

A loud sharptooth screech is heard.

Petrie: "Wh...what that?"

Chomper: "Sharptooth!"

A flying sharptooth looms overhead. It ducks down towards the Gang.

Littlefoot: "Everyone! Run!"

The sharptooth swoops by, missing Ducky by inches. The little swimmer screams.

The Gang gets chased to a rocky outcropping. The Flying sharptooth now walks towards them, talons poised. Spike runs up in front of Ducky. Ducky closes her eyes and screams.

The Screen goes black as she screams, and stays black for a few seconds. When it comes back, Ducky is still sitting there, with her eyes closed.

Ducky: Opening her eyes. "What happened?"

Littlefoot: "Somehow, the Professor fought the flying sharptooth away!"

Cera: "I don't believe it!"

Professor: Laughing maniacally. "I can't say that I do either!

Ruby: "Well, at least we're all safe now, safe we are!"

Chomper: "Are you okay, Ducky?"

Ducky: Putting her hand on a small cut on her chest. "Huh, you call that a scratch? I am fine, but thank you for trying to save me, Spike!"

Spike doesn't move.

Ducky: "...Spike?"

The Professor walks over to Spike, and examines him.

Professor: "He's...he's dead."

The Gang gasps. Ducky can't let out a sound for a moment.

Ducky:"...no...NOOO!"

Chomper: "Oh, who will sniff out ground crawlers just the way Chomper likes them now!?"

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: The Hidden Valley, later that day.

All the residents of the Great Valley make their way through the Hiiden Valley, towards the exit to the Mysterious Beyond. The dead body of Spike is on top of Grandma Longneck's back, adorned with flowers. They make it to the exit, and stop. Ducky sits next to Petrie.

Ducky: "This makes me the littlestest one of my family, oh yes it..."

Ducky breaks into tears, as she turns over to hug Petrie.

Shorty: "Oh, poor little fella!"

Ali walks up to Littlefoot.

Ali: "I'm sorry for your lose, Littlefoot."

Littlefoot: "I think I'm doing okay. You should try comforting Ducky, Ali."

Ali: "Really? Because I could have sworn this would hit you hard...Oh well, I'll just stay with you.

Littlefoot: "Uh...okay."

The Professor pulls a random cap out of his backpack, wears it, then promptly removes it, holding it over his chest.

Littlefoot: "What are you doing, Professor?"

Professor: "It's a sign of respect, you savage beast!"

Pterano flies up to the front of the group and perches on Grandma Longneck's head, ready to give a speech.

Pterano: "Today, we have gathered here in remembrance of a spiketail. One that regrettably I never got the opportunity to get to know. Yet that does not mean I am afraid to tell his loved ones all about him!"

Ducky's Mom: Crying. "Soothe us with sweet lies!"

Pterano: "He was a brave young spiketail. One that was never afraid to go and help his friends with anything...I think. He was a loving friend of my dear nephew, and many others here in this Valley. I...can't think of anything else to say, so let's just say goodbye to him, shall we?"

Grandma Longneck sticks her tail up and brushes Spike off of her back. His corpse slams on the ground below with a loud bone crunching slap. His body ends up in a rather unconformable looking position.

Grandma Longneck: "Well, let's head back to the valley."

Bron: "Yes, let's get going before the sharpteeth come."

The congregation of dinosaurs turn tail and head back towards the Great Valley. After they leave, a shadow appears on a rock wall. Chomper comes out, and walks up to the dead spiketail.

Chomper: "Aw, poor Spike."

Chomper sheds a tear, as he just stares at Spike for several seconds.

Chomper: "...well, I guess he won't be needing that anymore..."

Scene: The Great Valley, at the swimmer nest, at night.

Ducky is asleep at the nest, but her sleep is restless. She squirms around as the camera zooms in on her.

Scene: The Land of Mists. Day time, but it is still dark and dreary.

Ducky wakes up to find herself on a barren patch of dirt, surrounded by mist.

Ducky: "Where am I?"

She looks around, unable to see anything.

Ducky: "I...I have been here before, have I not?" She shivers. "Oh, it is so scary out here, it is!"

She hears footsteps from within the mist.

Ducky: "Who is that? Is it a sharptooth?"

???: "Hello my friend!"

Ducky: "Who are you?"

The figure comes forth out of the mists, revealing himself as Spike.

Ducky: "Spike, it is you!"

Ducky runs over. Spike lowers his head so Ducky can hug it tightly.

Ducky: "Oh, I missed you so much, I did, I did! ...wait, did you just talk?"

Spike's mouth does not move, but his voice can be heard.

Spike: "Why yes, I did talk!"

Ducky: "I...uh...am confused."

Spike: "Don't be! I could talk all along, I just never felt like speaking up!

Ducky: "Why not?"

Spike: "Well, all of our friends argue too much, and I don't really like arguing. I'd rather just keep out of it."

Ducky: "Oh. That makes sense. I do have to ask, though, what are you doing out here?"

Spike: "What do you mean?"

Ducky: "I mean, I thought you were...gone, I did."

Spike: "But I'm right here!"

Ducky: "But, this does not make any sense, Spike."

Spike: "Then let me PROVE that it is me, by telling you something only I could know."

Ducky: "What?"

Spike: "I found a shiny rock yesterday on that adventure. I hid it under your nest as a surprise."

Ducky: "Really? You did that?"

Spike: "Yes I did! Now, there's just one thing I want you to do."

Ducky: "What?"

Spike: "Wake up, please just wake up."

Ducky: "What do you mean?"

Scene: Back at the swimmer nest.

Ducky wakes up. She quickly sticks her head up and looks around.

Ducky: "You mean...that was just a sleep story?" She sighs. "...oh...wait! He said he hid that rock for me!"

Scene: The same swimmer nest, but later that morning.

The Gang and the Professor are gathered around the nest.

Littlefoot: "What did you want us here for, Ducky?"

Ducky: "I want to show you that Spike is still here!"

Petrie: "Me think Ducky should get more sleep."

Ducky: "No, really! He hid a shiny rock for me under my nest. He told me himself, he did, he did!"

Cera: "I don't think he'd be able to, since...you know...he's gone and all."

Ducky: "Just look there! It must be there!"

Ruby: "Ducky, you are just imagining it. You must just be imagining!"

Ducky: "But he told me!"

Cera: "Ducky, just..."

Professor: "Now hold on, Cera. Here, I'll prove there's nothing for you to be so worked up about, Ducky."

The Professor tears up Ducky's nest somewhat, but finds nothing under it.

Professor: "See? There's nothing here!"

Ducky: "But...but..."

Littlefoot: "Look, Ducky. Spike is gone. You’re just going to have to live with that."

Ducky: "But...He is still around! He is, he is!"

Professor: "Of course he's still around; as a lifeless corpse in the Mysterious Beyond!" He laughs hysterically, then pauses. "Oh, I've made myself sad."

Ducky sticks her head down.

Ducky: "Yeah, maybe you are all right..."

She slowly staggers off, as a storm starts rolling in.

Professor: "Hmm, what do you think is going on with that swimmer?"

Littlefoot: "I don't know, but I hope she is okay."

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Hidden Valley.

A torrential downpour blankets the area. Ducky scampers across the small valley, towards the exit.

Ducky: "I will find Spike's bones, and keep them next to my nest, so I can be remindeded that he really is gone. That will prove I am not crazy, oh yes it will!" She laughs psychotically.

Ducky keeps running, until she comes to a large black slab in the ground. Ducky pauses in front of the slab.

Ducky: "What is that?"

The slab lights up, showing a kind of portal or hole inside. The walls of the hole are lined with moving lights. Ducky stares into it, then suddenly finds herself in a much different place.

Scene: The Professor's cave.

Ducky looks around and sees she is in the Professor's cave.

Ducky: "What...what is going on?"

She sees picture frames hanging on the walls. These are pictures of the rest of the Gang, and of the Professor. The faces in the pictures start to move, talking to Ducky.

Pictures: "You killed Spike! You killed Spike! You killed Spike!"

Ducky: "No I did not! Stop!"

Pictures: "You killed Spike! You killed Spike!"

The pictures keep chanting. Ducky runs around the room, grabbing the pictures off the wall, and throwing them on the ground to make them break. Chomper's picture is still up. He's licking his lips.

Chomper's Picture: "Heh, you killed Spike!"

Ducky takes Chomper's picture off the wall and smashes it on the ground.

Ducky: "Oh, what is going on?

Spike: "Ducky, wake up!"

Ducky turns around to see Spike's picture on the back wall.

Ducky: "Spike? Spike! It is you!"

Ducky runs over and picks Spike's picture off of the wall, holding it in front of herself.

Spike "Ducky, you have to wake up!"

Ducky: "What?"

Spike: "Wake up!"

Ducky: "But I do not understand! What am I supposed to do!?"

Spike: "You have to fight it!"

Ducky: "But I cannot!"

Spike: "Yes you can! I know you, and I know you'd never give up! Don't give up now! Just wake up!"

Ducky: "Spike, you keep saying that, but why?"

Spike: "Ducky, please just wake up!"

Ducky: "But Spike, I cannot!"

Spike: "Just wake up. Please...please just wake up."

Spike's voice changes back to his usual grunts and moans, as the scene suddenly switches.

Scene: The Professor's cave.

Ducky is lying in the Professor's bed, unconscious. Spike is by her side, sobbing and talking in his usual manner.

Ducky: Opening her eyes. "What...what is going...Spike? Spike! You are alive!"

Spike raises his head, brightening up, and rushes to lick Ducky's face.

Ducky: "Oh, I am so glad you are here, Spike! I am, I am!"

Spike finishes his licking, and steps back for a bit.

Ducky: "But...what happened?"

The rest of the Gang and the Professor walk into the cavernous room.

Chomper: "Everyone, look! Ducky's up!"

Everyone gives a short cheer.

Cera: "Good to see the swimmer is back!"

Ruby: "We thought you were a goner!"

Ducky: "You did? What happened?"

Professor: "Well, we went on that adventure a few days ago inside the Valley. When that flying sharptooth attacked, you got hurt pretty badly. We took you back here so I could do everything I could to help you recover. After that, you were still unconscious."

Ducky: "Unconscious? What is that?"

Professor: "It means you were asleep, and you wouldn't wake up."

Littlefoot: "You were asleep in that bed there for three days!"

Petrie: "Yeah! And Professor thought you never get up!"

Ruby: "Spike was here the whole time, here by your side!"

Chomper: "He never left your side; he didn't even eat!"

Spike looks over at Ducky again, and smiles.

Ducky: "Spike really did that?"

Professor: "He sure did!"

Ducky: "Oh Spike..."

Ducky gets up out of the Professor's bed, and walks over to hug Spike's face.

Littlefoot: "Hmm, so, what are we gonna do today?"

Spike's stomach rumbles.

Ducky: "Eat." She laughs. "It looks like Spike is hungry, he is!"

Ducky gets on Spike's back, and the Gang and the Professor leave the cave.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: brekclub85 on August 19, 2011, 11:33:42 PM
Hey.....I recognized the Futurama episode this was based on!  :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Petrie85 on August 20, 2011, 09:51:37 AM
Another good and nice episode you made there I enjoyed it.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 20, 2011, 05:47:28 PM
Last night, we realized how much the Chat Room sucks for camming or using a mic. After an hour of fail, me, Pterano, and Trulyfantasticme did the table reading on Skype.

Here's our table reading, after a few edits. (Table Reading (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=QAHYMGL5))

Yeah, we're gonna be using Skype for now on. It just works a million times better than the chat room.

Quote
Hey.....I recognized the Futurama episode this was based on! :)

Thanks for noticing :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mama's Girl on August 23, 2011, 11:31:33 PM
Ok, I'm going to try to give a review thus far. You probably thought I was farther along into this than I am ;-) but as you know I've been writing up a storm myself and all and thankfully the series isn't that far along, only into season 2, so I should be able to catch up and even get a better pace going.

Ok, so, one by one, though I will just comment that I found I had to just ignore some of what are just some of my personal thoughts on lines or such being OOC for certain characters. I don't think I write all of the cannon characters I write correctly either :-)

1- the intro's of course interesting and I think you "introduce" us well to the professor and all he'll be about, it seems.

2- pretty intense first meeting of Chomper and the professor, but then with the whole sharptooth thing what do you expect. It is odd Chomper being so suspicious of a new-comer though, like Ruby said.

3- oh of course, with the professor being human he would eat meat and Chomper probably very much knows this. Well, have to see how this issue concludes, if so, later.

4- Oh cool with the protein fruit and of course "meet back up" with grandpa longneck

5- Good to see the professor helping Chomper's mom and maybe getting on better terms with Chomper. hehe, gotta admit, the image of Chomper's parents riding on Elsie is kinda funny

Told ya I didn't get far, but I'll keep making my way through it.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: bushwacked on August 26, 2011, 09:28:03 PM
I really liked this episode. The parts where the professor takes out the cap at the funeral, and where he makes himself sad talking about Spike's 'death' were very funny  :D Keep it up, and good luck getting over the writer's block for the next part  :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: joshua1127 on August 26, 2011, 10:43:12 PM
:lol  Not bad not bat at all Vonboy!  ;) you have done a triple good! good! good job!!!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 28, 2011, 12:29:46 AM
Yeah, little over a day late. Sorry about that, but kinda got writer's block on this episode. And no table reading this week. Hopefully the Pterano episode won't be like that.

...hopefully.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 24 - The Very Sharp Threehorn Girl

Now available in French, Spanish, German, Portuguese, and Sharptooth!

Scene: The Great Valley.

Littlefoot, Cera, and Chomper are walking through a forest. Cera and Chomper are in an argument.

Chomper: "Sharpteeth aren't that bad. I mean, I'm a sharptooth, and I'm still nice."

Cera: "You all still gotta eat, though."

Chomper: "Well..."

Cera: "At least you're all easy to deal with."

Chomper: "What do you mean?"

Cera: "Well, it's just like when we dropped that big rock on your dad's head!"

Chomper: "Leave my daddy out of this!"

Cera: "Why? He's just as dumb as all the other sharpteeth we've ever run into!"

Chomper: "I keep telling you, sharpteeth aren't dumb!"

Cera: "Then how do we always get away from them!?"

Chomper: "That's something I'd LOVE to know!"

Cera: "It's because we're always smarter than them!"

Chomper: "You take that back!"

Cera: Laughs. "Why should I?"

Chomper brandishes one of his claws. Littlefoot steps back, looking worried.

Chomper: "I said take it back!"

Littlefoot: "Uh...Chomper?"

Cera: "It's true!"

Chomper starts to growl.

Chomper: "Can't you hear me? I said take it back, you...you...threehorn!"

Littlefoot looks back and forth between the arguing threehorn and sharptooth, then gulps.

Littlefoot: "Uh...guys...er...gals...friends?"

Cera: "Humpth!"

Chomper starts to breathe heavily, looking like he's about to do something, but quickly turns around and runs off.

Littlefoot: "Whew!"

Littlefoot walks up to Cera.

Littlefoot: "Hey, Cera? What did you say that for?"

Cera: "Just trying to put some sense in that sharptooth."

Littlefoot: "Well, that was really mean."

Cera: "Well, LONGNECK, I'm just telling it like it is!"

Cera turns and walks off.

Littlefoot: "Wow, that was...strange. Hmm, maybe I should just think of something else right now, I'm sure they'll work it out. Hey, maybe I should go and talk to someone about it!"

The little longneck runs off.

Scene: The Great Valley, later in the day.

Spike stands next to a bush, eating his fill. Littlefoot walks up to him.

Littlefoot:"Hey, Spike. Um...I have something I want to talk about. You don't mind, right?"

Spike glances at Littlefoot, then takes a bite out of the bush.

Littlefoot: "Good. You see...it's about Ali. I kinda think she likes me."

Spike takes another bite out of the bush.

Littlefoot: "I...kinda think I like her too, but I don't really know how to tell her. I mean, I have to make it sound convincing, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it or not.

Spike burps.

Littlefoot: "Oh well, It's just something I need to think about some more. Hey, thanks Spike. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this stuff!"

Spike grunts lightly and takes yet another bite out of the bush.

Suddenly, some bushes next to the pair shake. Littlefoot and Spike turn to look at the bush worriedly, before Chomper steps out.

Chomper: "Hey guys."

Littlefoot: "Oh...hey Chomper."

Chomper: "...Hey, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "What's the matter?"

Chomper: "Well, It's just that I'm still mad at Cera."

Littlefoot: "I can kinda understand how you would be. It's just, you had me kind of worried earlier.

Chomper: "Worried? How?"

Littlefoot: "Well, it's just that you...uh...never mind."

Chomper: "Oh. Anyway, I want to get back at her for that."

Littlefoot: "You...you do?"

Chomper: "Yeah, of course! So, I've gotten together with the Professor, and we got a plan for something GREAT to play on Cera!"

Littlefoot: Looking worried. "What?"

Chomper: Laughs maniacally. "We're gonna show Cera what it's REALLY like being a sharptooth!"

Scene: The Great Valley, at night, at the threehorn nest.

Cera is asleep in her nest, along with Topsy, Tria, and Tricia. Cera is snoring loudly.

Littlefoot, Spike, and Chomper sneak up on Cera, and pick her up. They all work together to carry her. The little threehorn continues to snore.

Littlefoot: "Oof, Cera sure is heavy!"

Spike: "Uh-huh."

Chomper: "At least she's a heavy sleeper too!"

Scene: The Professor's Cave.

The camera shows a flat rock in the middle of the room. The Gang comes over, and lays Cera down on the rock.

Littlefoot: "Alright, we got her here. Now what?"

Chomper: Laughs. "Now we just wait for the Professor, of course!"

Professor: "Here I am!"

The Professor enters the cave, and walks up to the middle. His cloths are cut up, and he has a few cuts over his body.

Littlefoot: "What happened, Professor?"

Professor: "...Don't ask."

He comes up to the sleeping Cera, and pulls dozens of sharpteeth teeth out of his pocket, depositing them on the rocky table.

Professor: "Heh, the first thing I'll do is give her some sharpteeth."

The Professor starts working the sharpteeth into her mouth with some gooey substance. A time lapse happens, to where Cera's mouth is now full of sharpteeth. Littlefoot and Chomper just stare at him while he works.

Professor: "Oh, by the way, where's everyone else?"

Chomper: "Oh, they left when me and Cera started to argue."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, they don't like listening to it. They didn't want to be involved, actually."

Professor: "Hmm, and why did you want to be involved?"

Littlefoot: "That's...a very good question."

Chomper: "So, what's next, Professor?"

Professor: "Next, to make her TALK like a sharptooth!"

The human takes a second communication device, sets it to Sharptooth, and sticks it on Cera, on the back of her face plate. He then pulls out another strange device.

Professor: "Let's see now. This here is a smell amplifier. I'll just stick this up in there like so..."

The Professor forcibly shoves the device in Cera's left nostril. She STILL doesn't wake up.

Professor: "...and now Cera's ability to smell is increased a hundred fold. Now for the kicker!"

The Professor pulls a vial of black liquid out of his pocket.

Chomper: "Uh...what's that?"

Professor: "It's the Elixir-that-Makes-Everything-Taste-Horrible, of course! Just one drop of this, and she won't be able to keep down anything tomorrow!"

Littlefoot: "But...isn't that kind of mean?"

Chomper: "Well, what Cera did was mean too!"

Professor: "And besides, it'll wear off after a day or so. It's just to make Cera THINK she can't eat greenfood anymore!"

Chomper: "That's great! So, is that it?"

Professor: "Hmm, I suppose so.

Littlefoot: "I'm not so sure about this. Maybe we should stop."

Chomper: "Aw, come on Littlefoot! What could possibly go wrong?"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Watering Hole.

At the threehorn nest, Cera wakes up before any of the other threehorns.

Cera: Yawns. <So hungry right now. Let's see what we have this morning.>

Cera walks over to a bush.

Cera: <Looks like it'll do.>

Cera takes a bite out of the bush, chews on it for a bit, then spits it out in disgust.

Cera: <Bleh! What is this stuff!? It...takes horrible!>

Cera brings her tongue up to gently lick one of the leafs, then pulls it back.

Cera: <What's going on?>

Off in the distance, Littlefoot is in some greenery close to the Watering Hole, eating breakfast.

Cera: <Hmm, there's the longneck. Maybe he knows what's going on with me.>

She starts to walk up to the group.

Cera: <Hey, Littlefoot...>

The Gang turn their heads towards Cera, then act scared for their lives as they dart off in varying directions.

Cera: <...That's weird. Why was he so scared of me?>

Cera looks to the side of the pond, at the threehorn nest. Mr. Threehorn and Tria are now up and eating close by, with Tricia playing off to the side.

Cera: <Ah, my parents! They've gotta know whats up!>

Cera dashes off to her parents.

Cera: <Hey, Tria! Daddy! What's going on with me?>

Mr. Threehorn: "What was that noise?"

Cera: <Hey Daddy, listen to me! I don't know what's wrong with me!>

Tria: "Um...it's Cera, but she's roaring at us."

Cera: <Hey, why is this greenfood tasting so bad? I don't understand what's going on.>

Mr. Threehorn: "Cera, what are you doing?"

Cera: <Daddy? Why are you mumbling at me? I don't know what you're saying!>

Mr. Threehorn: "Cera! Stop fooling around and talk to me!"

Cera rushes forward to the pond next to the threehorn nest. She looks at her own reflection in the water, shakes her head, takes a second look, then screams.

Cera: <What's happening to me!?>

She slowly backs away, then bolts off. Her parents look on at her, confused.

Mr. Threehorn: "What's wrong with our daughter, Tria?"

Tria: "Oh, I don't know. Must have lost another game to Littlefoot yesterday or something."

Scene: The edge of the Great Valley.

Chomper is up, eating some ground crawlers close to the Secret Caves.

Cera runs past him, looking freaked out.

Chomper: <Mmm, these are some good ground crawlers!>

Cera suddenly stops and turns around.

Cera: <Did...did you just say something, Chomper?>

Chomper: <Well yes, I did...but, how did you hear that?>

Cera: <What do you mean?>

Chomper: <I mean, I'm speaking in sharptooth right now. I'm roaring at you!>

Cera: <But...that doesn't make any sense!>

Chomper: <Wait, what happened to your teeth?>

Cera: <My teeth?>

Chomper: <Yeah, they're so pointy and...sharp even! Wait, have you tried to eat anything today?>

Cera: <Well, yeah, but I couldn't keep it down!>

Chomper: <Of course! That would explain everything!>

Cera: <What would?>

Chomper: <You're a sharptooth now!>

Cera: <What?>

Chomper: <You must be!>

Cera: <But...wh...how...huh?>

Cera: <Then...what am I going to eat? Those ground crawlers?>

Chomper: Looking worried. <No, not these! Um, you're a lot bigger than me, so they wouldn't fill you up anyway.>

Cera: <Then what do I eat!?>

Chomper: <Heheh, I'm sure you'll find something.>

Cera: <Do you mean...eat someone?>

Chomper: <What did you think I meant?>

Cera: <But...I don't want to eat anyone! That would just be...no!>

Chomper: <Well, tough luck, Cera.>

Cera: <Just the idea of it and all. It's just so...ugh!>

Chomper: <No one ever said it's easy being a sharptooth.>

Cera: <I...need to go think for a bit.>

Cera starts to walk off, looking blank and horrified.

Chomper: <Oh, okay. Tell me if you need anything, though.>

Chomper eats some more ground crawlers, as the rest of the Gang walk up to him.

Littlefoot: "How's it going, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Great! Cera's really freaked out right now, especially after I gave her some...ideas."

Littlefoot: "I still think this is really mean, Chomper."

Chomper: "How so? I'm just putting her in my feet. Making her see what it's like to be me. Anyway, I think it's about time to tell her what's going on."

Littlefoot: "But where did Cera go?"

Chomper: "Hmm, I can still smell her."

Littlefoot: "Well, lead the way!

Chomper sticks his sniffer on the ground, and follows Cera's scent.

Scene: The Hidden Valley.

Chomper walks up to the Mysterious Beyond exit, and lifts his head up.

Chomper: "...oops."

Littlefoot: "What is Cera thinking!?"

Chomper: "Don't worry, we'll come and save you, C-"

Littlefoot: "...And what were YOU thinking!?"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, in the afternoon.

In the woods of the Beyond, Cera prowls around, sniffing for something she could eat.

Cera: <Let's see here...gotta find SOMETHING to eat.>

She looks through one bush and sees a giant adult longneck.

Cera: <No, too big. He'd just smash me with his tail.>

She looks through a second bush to see a tiny ground crawler on a rock.

Cera: <No, too small. I'd never fill myself up eating those.>

Cera walks a bit more to look through yet another bush, seeing two very young threehorns snuggling each other lovingly, accompanied by heartwarming music.

Cera: <Oh, come on!>

She turns around, sighing angrily. She trots some more, before another smell reaches her new, improved sniffer.

Cera: <Hmm, now what's THAT smell?>

Cera slowly trudges forward, before sticking her head through a bush. On the other side, she sees two sort of young fast biters. It's Guaro and Bo!

Guaro: <Any idea where our brother went?>

Bo: <No idea. You're the one that's supposed to keep an eye on him!>

Guaro: <Not since I gave you that job yesterday! Remember?>

Bo: <How can I ever remember anything you say with your constant blabbing!?>

Guaro: <Why you little...!>

Cera gasps.

Cera: <Sh...sh...sharpteeth!>

She turns to run, but stops in her escape to think.

Cera: <Wait...how about sharpteeth? Yeah, I could eat sharpteeth. I don't see anything wrong with that. Not at all! Plus, if I get rid of some of them, I'll be a hero!>

Cera starts to growl, as she steps out of the foliage.

Bo: <Is that you, Cutter?>

Guaro: <It kinda sounds like it.>

They both turn to see the threehorn growling at them.

Guaro: <Well, won't you look at that!>

Bo: <Looks good!>

Cera: <Not as good as you look!>

Guaro: <Wait, did that flattooth just talk?>

Cera: <I'm not a flattooth, dummy!>

Guaro: <Well, you look like one.>

Bo: Licking his lips. <And I'm sure you'll taste like one!>

Cera: <I'm tired of talking; CHARGE!>

Cera takes off towards the two fast biters. She rams them both, knocking them to the side. She keeps running and stops at the other side. Littlefoot and Chomper step up from behind the woods to see the action ensuing.

Chomper: "Oh no! We have to stop her!"

Littlefoot: "But what are we going to do!?"

Chomper: <Cera! CERA!>

Cera stops and turns her head. Guaro and Bo get back up.

Cera: <Chomper? What are you doing here?>

Chomper: <Cera, listen to me! You're not a sharptooth!>

Bo and Guaro inch up to Cera.

Cera: <I'm...I'm not?>

Chomper: <No, you're still the same tasty threehorn you've always been!>

Cera: <Really? I am?>

Chomper: <...Yeah.>

Bo licks his lips again.

Cera: Blankly. <...Huh.>

Cera stands there for a second, then turns tail and runs away.

Cera: "Ahhh!"

She runs past Littlefoot, who also starts to run.

Littlefoot: "Run!"

Cera: <Run!>

Scene: The Great Valley, later that afternoon.

Cera is on the ground, with the Professor working on her. Littlefoot and Chomper are looking on. The Professor rips the communicator off Cera.

Cera: "Ow!"

Chomper: "It worked!"

Cera: "What are you talking about?"

Littlefoot: "Cera! I can hear you again!"

Professor: "And it looks like that's it! You're back to normal!"

Cera: "I am? You mean, I can eat greenfood again?"

Professor: "Well...no. That's gonna wear off by tomorrow, though."

Cera: "And these teeth?"

Professor: "Oh...right. That'll be kind of hard to get out. You know, what with super glue and all. Didn't feel like getting to it today."

Cera: "And my nose?"

Professor: Laughs. "I completely forgot about that! But other than those three things, you're back to your old threehorn self!"

Cera: "Whatever."

Littlefoot: "Chomper! You should be ashamed of yourself! Playing a trick like that on Cera."

Chomper: "I'm...I'm sorry."

Cera: "Yeah, serves you..."

Littlefoot: "And shame on you Cera! You shouldn't have said all those bad things about Chomper's kind; you hurt his feelings!"

Cera: "I'm sorry...I guess."

Chomper: "You know Cera, sometimes I wonder why I haven't eaten you yet."

Chomper comes over and gives Cera a hug. Cera gets wide eyed.

Chomper: "Not often though!"

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Petrie85 on August 28, 2011, 12:52:37 AM
Great episode you made here.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 02, 2011, 11:21:50 PM
Episode 25 - From One Adventurer to Another

The most epic adventure of all time!

Scene: The Great Valley, at the threehorn nest, early in the morning.

Mr. Threehorn is sitting in the nest, with the Professor sitting on a nearby stone.

Mr. Threehorn: "...And kids these days are just so ungrateful!

Professor: "Oh, I know what you mean. Humpth! Little hooligans!

Mr. Threehorn: "They don't listen to their parents anymore. They just do whatever they want!

Professor: "They just get in so much mischief, don't they?"

Mr. Threehorn: "And do you know who REALLY gets my flowing fire flowing?"

Professor: "Who?"

Mr. Threehorn: "That old flyer, Pterano!"

Professor: "Really? He doesn't seem so bad to me."

Mr. Threehorn: "Then you don't know him!"

Professor: "Aw, fuf! what's so bad about him? What did he do?"

Mr. Threehorn lowers his head and looks away from the Professor.

Mr. Threehorn: "I...don't want to talk about it."

Professor: "Well, YOUR no fun!"

The Professor gets up and walks off.

Professor: "Hmm, I guess that just leaves the Gang then. Wonder what THEY'RE up to today?"

Scene: The Great Valley, near the flyer nest.

Petrie is by himself, eating a tree sweet. The rest of the Gang walks up to him, as well as Ali and Shorty.

Littlefoot: "Hey Petrie! We're going out on an adventure today! Wanna come?"

Petrie: "Oh, me can't!"

Ducky: "Why not, Petrie?"

Petrie: "Me do something else today, with me uncle!"

Chomper: "Really? With Pterano?"

Petrie: "Yeah!"

Littlefoot: "Oh, alright Petrie, but we'll miss you!"

Ali: "Me too! It just won't be as fun without you!"

The Gang walks off.

Petrie: "Hmm, me wonder what uncle want to do?"

A shadow appears over the ground. It's a flyer descending from the skies.

Petrie: "Oh, here he comes! Uncle!"

Pterano lands right next to Petrie.

Pterano: "Why good morning Petrie! And happy starday to you as well!"

Petrie: "What we get to do today!"

Pterano: "Heheh, I thought you would never ask!"

Pterano kneels down close to Petrie.

Pterano: "I thought that a special starday needed a special event!"

Pterano gets back up and motions towards the skies.

Pterano: "And what better activity for two fellow adventures than a grand adventure!"

Petrie: "Really!?"

Pterano: "Yes! We're taking a trip to the Mysterious Beyond! Just the two of us!"

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, just outside of the Great Valley.

Petrie and his uncle are soaring high up in the air.

Pterano: "Ah, being an adventurer. Soaring wherever the wind takes you. Excitement! Action! Valor! Nary a care in the world! Isn't this the life, Petrie?"

Petrie: It sure is, Uncle!"

Pterano: "Why, I feel as if I could grasp the world below me in my very talons. I feel as if no obstacle is in my way. As if..."

Pterano rams into a tree at full speed, and starts plummeting to the earth below.

Petrie: "Uncle?"

Petrie starts descending to the earth, as Pterano lands in a bush. Petrie lands next to the bush.

Petrie: "Uncle? You okay?"

Pterano sticks his head up.

Pterano: Hmm, didn't seem to see that towering tree in front of my eyes."

Pterano works his way out of the bush, walking up right next to Petrie.

Pterano: "Hmm, nothing seems bruised. I believe I'm quite alright, Petrie, but many thanks for your concern."

Petrie: "Well, what we do now, Uncle?"

Pterano: "Well...while I was plummeting perilously to the cold ground, and while my mind was racing furiously, a peculiar thought crossed my mind. Petrie, why don't you lead the way for a while?"

Petrie: "Really, Pterano!?"

Pterano: "Why, of course, Petrie! You're an adventurer, and I'm sure you've led your little gang of friends many times before!"

Petrie: "Well, actually, Littlefoot do most of the..."

Pterano: "Nonsense! I'm sure you won't steer us wrong!"

Scene: Further out in the Mysterious Beyond, near a volcano, at night.

A storm has broken out. Torrential downpours of rain pelt the two flyers.

Petrie: "Oops."

Pterano: "Well, the weather is getting too inhospitable for soaring. Perhaps we should find a safe abode to spend the night?"

Petrie: "Yes, me wet and cold! Let's find a cave or something!"

Pterano scans the side of the volcano, eying a cave opening.

Pterano: "Ah, there's a location that looks rather inviting! Come on Petrie!"

Pterano and Petrie sail down.

Scene: Inside the volcano cave.

Pterano is laying down, with his back to a rocky wall. Petrie is in his wings.

Pterano: "Well, sorry that this little adventure as been more of a mis-advdenture thus far. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way."

Petrie: "Oh, it okay, uncle. Me sure tomorrow will be better!"

Pterano: Sighs. "Oh, I dearly hope so, my little Petrie."

Petrie snuggles in Pterano's wings, with the old flyer brings his head down to nuzzle Petrie, falling asleep in the process.

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: Outside the cave, the next morning.

Pterano steps out of the cave, and outstretches his wings in a huge span.

Pterano: "Ah, the beginning of another glorious day!"

Petrie haggers out to stand beside him.

Petrie: "It sure is, Uncle!"

Pterano: Takes in a huge breath. "Ah, just smell that fresh air!

Petrie: "So, what we do now?"

Pterano: "Well, the weather is much more agreeable now. I'd imagine we could..."

Suddenly, the ground rumbles.

Petrie: "What that!?"

Pterano: "Ah, the mountains which burn with ferocity! It'd quite the sight, don't you think?"

The volcano starts blowing hot air out of it's top.

Petrie: "Oh no oh no oh nohoho! Smoky mountain angry at me again!

Pterano: "Petrie, I am quite sure that a mountain can't show any..."

Petrie: "Run...Me mean fly! Fly away!"

Petrie takes off.

Pterano: "Petrie! I don't wish for you to get lost out in this wilderness. Get your tail back here, now!"

Petrie: "AHHH!"

Pterano sighs, then takes off after his nephew.

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, in the afternoon, over a lush forest.

The two flyers soar overhead.

Petrie: "Um, uncle? Me hungry!"

Pterano: "Yes, I'm a bit famished myself. Good thing we're over such a lush and green forest. We should be able to find something edible here!"

The two flyers swoop down.

Scene: A lake in the Mysterious Beyond.

Pterano swoops down into the waters to catch a fish, while Petrie sits on the banks, eating some sweet bubbles. Pterano lands on a tree close to Petrie with two fish in his talons. He swallows one of them.

Pterano: "You sure you don't want some fish, Petrie?"

Petrie: "No thanks, uncle."

Pterano: "Um...Petrie, I know you've never eaten something that wasn't...greenfood before, but why?"

Petrie: "Well, me just never wanted to, me guess."

Pterano: "Do you have a problem with being a meat-eater or something?"

Petrie: "...Uh, no, it not that."

Pterano: "Then what?"

Petrie: "Me...guess it just idea of eating something that alive."

Pterano: "Hmm, well...that doesn't make much sense, Petrie. plants are alive too."

Petrie: "But..."

Pterano: "Petrie, just come over here and try one, why won't you?"

Petrie: "No, me can't!"

Pterano: "Oh, come on! I know SOMEONE around here is hungry for some meat!"

Suddenly, a loud, deafening sharptooth roar rips though the air.

Petrie: "Uh, uncle?"

Pterano: "Sh...sh...sharptooth!?"

Petrie: "Uncle, do something!"

Pterano trembles in place, unable to even utter a word. Trees topple over, as Redclaw come bounding out to the banks. His goons aren't present this time.

Petrie: "Uncle?"

Pterano's jaw drops, as he gazes into Redclaw's eyes. The massive sharptooth stomps up to Petrie, who's trembling as well.

Petrie: "Uncle!"

Redclaw barrols down his head and slams his jaws shut over Petrie. Pterano shakes his head.

Pterano: Gasps. "Petrie!"

Pterano jumps off of the tree he was perched on, wings spread out, as he glides down towards Redclaw.

Pterano: "With my talons of truth, I slash thee!"

Pterano lands on Redclaws snout. He slashes and pokes at Redclaw several times, before stopping for a breath. Redclaw just stands there, looking annoyed.

Pterano: "Ye know I'm stabbing at thee, right?"

Redclaws swings his head around in a circular motion. Pterano tries to cling on, but gets thrown up into the air.

Pterano: "AHH!"

Pterano flails in the air over Redclaw, who has his head up and his jaws open wide. Pterano falls into Redclaw's mouth, and he clamps his jaws shut. The massive sharptooth turns around, and starts to walk off.

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: Inside Redclaw's mouth.

Pterano is laying on Redclaw's tongue. He gets up, trying to wipe the saliva off himself.

Pterano: "Hmm, That is odd. Why hasn't the foul beast swallowed yet?"

Petrie: "Me no know."

Pterano: "Well, if he's giving us the chance, the benefit of the doubt, then I'll take it!"

Pterano pushes up on the top of Redclaw's mouth, trying to open it up. He struggles, grunting and breathing heavily, but nothing happens.

Pterano: "But...I remember doing something like this before!"

Pterano tries opening up the large sharptooth's mouth again, but fails.

Pterano: Talking to himself. "Now, let's see here. Was this one of the parts I made up? I...can't quite remember."

Petrie: "What you say, uncle?"

Pterano: "Oh, nothing, Petrie! Nothing at all."

Petrie: "Oh, what we do now?"

Pterano: "I...don't know. I honestly don't know."

Pterano bends down and picks up Petrie in his talons. He brings his nephew in for a hug."

Petrie: 'Uncle?"

Pterano: "Oh, it seems the end is near."

Petrie starts to tear up.

Pterano: "...Still, it IS odd that this...beast hasn't thought to swallow us yet. What is he doing, anyway?"

Petrie: "Well...at least we together, uncle."

Pterano: Tearing up as well. "You're...right on that one."

Pterano brings Petrie up to his beak for another hug.

Pterano: "I'm...so sorry, little one. I've...failed again, haven't I?"

Both of the flyers continue to cry.

Pterano: "Oh, I...I..."

Suddenly, the mouth the two flyers are in shakes violently.

Petrie: "What...what that?"

A few loud stomps are heard, and Redclaw's whole body shakes again.

Pterano: "My word, what is all the commotion!?"

For the third time, Redclaw's body shakes, his mouth opens up in pain, as he shakes his head back and forth with force. The centrifugal force jets the two flyers out of the foul beasts mouth, into the light outside.

Petrie: "We...free! We free!"

Pterano: "What is going on here?"

???: "That's right. Let them out you beast!"

As pterano regains his "footing" in the air, with Petrie beside him. He glances down to see a large Spiketail battling with Redclaw.

Spiketail: "I say we run!"

Pterano: "I'm with you on that one!"

Scene: A large lake in the Mysterious Beyond.

Petrie and Pterano are bathing in the water, while the adult spiketail takes a drink.

Petrie: "Is smell out yet?"

Spiketail: "Nope, you two STILL smell like sharptooth breath!"

Pterano: "Well, It will come out eventually, I can assure you of that. By the way, valiant Spiketail; what is your name, if I may be so bold to ask."

Spiketail: "Name's Joe."

Petrie: "Hello Joe."

Pterano and Petrie swim out of the water to the banks of the pond. They shake themselves, trying to dry off somewhat.

Pterano: "Well, I'd suggest we head back to the Great Valley soon, Petrie. It's been an...interesting adventure to say the least, but sometimes I just need to rest my wings."

Petrie: "But...where Great Valley? We lost!"

Joe: "Great Valley you say? Why, your not that far from there."

Pterano: "Really?"

Joe: "No, not at all! Just go off to the right there a ways, and you'll be back by sundown!"

Pterano: "Then let's be on our way then!"

Pterano spreads out his wings to lift off, but catches himself.

Pterano: "Oh, before we go. I would just like to say how grateful we are for your help earlier. We wouldn't be here without your bravery!"

Joe: "Aw, don't mention it!"

Pterano and Petrie take off.

Joe: "No, I mean it, my mate would kill me if she found out!"

Scene: A field in the Great Valley. The sun is setting.

Pterano and Petrie land in the field.

Petrie: "We finally home, uncle!"

Pterano: "Right you are, fearless flyer!"

Littlefoot: "Hey Petrie! Hey Pterano!"

Petrie: Turning his head. "Littlefoot? Friends? They back!"

Pterano: "Ah, the other little adventurers are back as well! What did you all get yourselves into this time? Explored a little cave, or found a nice tasty plant or something of the sort?" He chuckles.

Littlefoot: "Nope. This!"

Littlefoot walks up. He and Spike have vines strapped to them. Behind them they are dragging a large diamond.

Petrie: "Ooo!"

Pterano: "wh...what is that thing?

Professor: "A Diamond. Biggest I've ever seen! Might even rival the hope diamond! Hmm, unless it IS the hope diamond..."

Petrie: "What you talking about?"

Professor: "Oh nothing, nothing at all.

Pterano: "So, I suppose that means your adventure was good then?"

Ducky: "It was very good, yup yup yup!"

Professor: "Oh my yes!"

Littlefoot: "The last two days were full of Adventure!"

Ducky: "Fun!"

Cera: "Danger!"

Ruby: "Excitement!"

Spike: "EEEAAAHHHH!!"

Professor: "And love!"

Camera pans to Littlefoot and Ali, who are looking at each other affectionately. The two longnecks nuzzle each other, while Shorty looks on at them annoyingly.

Chomper: "It was the most epic adventure of all time! So sorry you had to miss it, Petrie!"

Littlefoot: "Anyway, hope whatever you did with your uncle the past two days was fun! See you tomorrow!"

The Gang walks off. Pterano looks down at Petrie, who has his beak dropped.

Pterano: "Oh, Petrie...sorry I made you miss out on..."

Pterano is suddenly interrupted by a different flyer; his sister, who swoops down to the earth next to him.

Petrie's Mom: " So...THERE you are!"

Pterano: "oh...da...eh...oh, greetings, sis!"

Petrie's Mom: "Oh, don't play those games with me, Pterano! Where have you been!?"

Pterano: "Oh, well I've...been around."

Petrie's Mom: "...And UGH, what what is that smell!?"

Pterano just stands there shyly, not saying a word.

Petrie's Mom: "I TOLD you to keep Petrie safe! I know you took him out of the Great Valley!"

Pterano: "But sis, it was just a little adventure."

Petrie's Mom: "Oh, you and your little adventures! Come on home Petrie, it's getting late!"

Petrie: "Okay, mommy. In a minute."

Petrie's Mom: "And you love speeches, don't you, Pterano? Well, I've got a speech for you when you get your tail home to the nest tonight!"

Petrie's mom turns around and bolts off. Pterano now has his beak dropped. Petrie turns to him.

Petrie: "Oh, it okay Pterano! Me just glad me got to spend me starday with you! That all that matters in the end, right?"

Pterano: "Heheh. Yes, I suppose that IS all the matters in the end!"

Petrie: "Well, me head to nest now. Me hope you get through that speech!"

Pterano: Chuckles. "Oh yes, I hope I can as well!"

Petrie start to fly off.

Pterano: "Oh, Petrie?"

Petrie: "Yes, uncle?"

Pterano: "I'm...also sorry about letting you get in the shaprtooth's mouth in the first place."

Petrie: "Oh...that."

Pterano hangs his head low.

Petrie: "Well, me was scared too. Neither of us did anything."

Pterano: "I know that, but still. I'm the adult, I was supposed to do something!"

Petrie: "Well, uncle..."

Pterano: "I was supposed to try to save you, but I didn't. I mean, this could have turned out like...that time.

Petrie: "Uncle?

Pterano: "That incident was playing through the very front of my mind the whole time! I could have lost you and..."

Petrie: "Uncle!"

Pterano shuts up and stares at Petrie.

Petrie: "Um, uncle? Pterano? We all make mistakes. Me feel bad for things me done, but me just have to not think about them too much. We...just have to try to do better next time."

Pterano: Sighs. "I...suppose you're right, Petrie."

Petrie flies off, while Pterano stays behind to think for a bit.

END

(The spiketail OC, Joe, is a character from Trulyfantasticme's Pterano story, "Lost in a Forest". Thanks to tfm for letting me use him!)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on September 02, 2011, 11:52:11 PM
:lol  :lol  :lol Now THIS was FUUUUNNY!!! Mmmm...flyer nuggets.

Yeah so anyway, I loved this episode. Dawww...don't feel bad, Pterano. I screw up all the time! :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 06, 2011, 05:28:28 PM
Sorry for taking like 2 weeks to reply, but thanks a lot Mama's Girl for reading this and telling me what you think of it. Hope you like the rest of it whenever you get around to it :)

Glad you liked this tfm! I really wrote this mostly for you and Pterano, though I don't think Pterano has gotten around to reading it yet. (Oh yeah, this particular episode wasn't proofread. Pterano is really busy with moving at the moment, so I completely understand.)

I decided to use another member's OC in this episode (With her permission of course ;) ). I"m open to bringing in other OC's as well, if someone would like me to maybe try to work theirs in.

Oh, and I'm in the planning stages for season 3 at the moment, so I'm open to any ideas for what readers would like to see. Is there some one-time characters you'd like to see come back, or maybe some situation you're itching to see. I've got some ideas for the next season, but I still need more. So, if anyone has some suggestions, I'd love to hear them :DD

Haven't really made one of these kinds of posts in this thread in awhile. Probably will make another soonish though.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Petrie85 on September 06, 2011, 08:00:24 PM
How is the next episode coming?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 06, 2011, 10:25:57 PM
The episode for this Friday was actually finished two months ago, for your information. I also have the first part of the season finale done. :DD

I've got 3 episodes left that I need to finish. Only one of them is like half-finished. The other two I've barely started on.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: The Chronicler on September 07, 2011, 08:52:11 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Sep 6 2011 on  05:28 PM
Oh, and I'm in the planning stages for season 3 at the moment, so I'm open to any ideas for what readers would like to see. Is there some one-time characters you'd like to see come back, or maybe some situation you're itching to see. I've got some ideas for the next season, but I still need more. So, if anyone has some suggestions, I'd love to hear them :DD
I don't think Ruby's family has appeared in this yet. I don't really have any ideas, but I think the suggestion on its own might be good enough to start on.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 10, 2011, 12:36:21 AM
Yeah, just woke up. :lol No table treading, as both TFM and Pterano were too busy tonight. And also, I was too tired anyway to do it.

Anyway, here's the next episode.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 26 - Great Valley: The Grand Tour

The stuff of sharpteeth's nightmares!

Scene: The Great Valley, late at night, near the Longneck nest.

Littlefoot, Shorty, Bron and Grandma Longneck are asleep in the nest. Close to the nest, a bush rustles. Littlefoot wakes up and scans the area.

Littlefoot: "Hmm, I could've sworn I heard something. Oh well, it was probably nothing."

Littlefoot lays his head down and goes back to sleep. The bush rustles again, and two shadowy figures walk out of it.

???: <Shh! You'll have to be more quiet!>

???: <Oh, sorry, Chomper.>

Chomper: <You have to be more careful, Cutter. They'll try to drive you out if they see you!>

Cutter: <What? But you said they were nice!>

Chomper: <They ARE nice. It's just that no one here knows you yet, so they'll think you've come here to hunt.>

Cutter: <But I can't even hunt!>

Chomper: <We both know that, but they don't!>

Cutter: Looking at Littlefoot's nest. <So, that is your longneck friend?>

Chomper: "Yeah, his name is Littlefoot. He's sort of the leader... and my brother.>

Cutter: <WHAT!?>

Littlefoot rustles in his nest. The two sharpteeth run back into the bushes.

Littlefoot: "Now who keeps making all of that racket? Is that you, Chomper?"

Littlefoot yawns, and goes back to sleep.

Chomper: <I told you to be more quiet!>

Cutter: <Sorry about that.>

Chomper: <Anyway, there's still more of the Great Valley for me to show you, so let's get going!>

Cutter: <Alright, then.>

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Thundering Falls.

Chomper: <This here is the Thundering Falls.>

Cutter: <Looks peaceful.>

Chomper: <It is nice, isn't it? Also, there's a lot of fish in the water here for us to eat.>

Cutter: <Hmm, never had fish before. Is it any good.>

Chomper: <Eh, it's okay.>

Cutter: <You have anything bigger to eat?>

Suddenly, the ground starts to shake.

Cutter: <Uh oh!>

Cutter steps back from Chomper and hides in a bush behind him, as Mr. Threehorn comes stomping up. He comes up right next to Chomper, lowers his head down to his level, and breaths heavily, almost knocking the little sharptooth down from the wind.

Mr. Threehorn: "What are you doing up so late, Chomper?"

Chomper: "...Um...well, I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd just walk around some."

Mr. Threehorn: "Well, you should be heading off to bed now, little one!"

Chomper: "Okay, I will."

Mr. Threehorn: "I just don't like it when you’re...prowling around at night."

Mr. Threehorn turns and walks off. Cutter comes out of the bush, and makes his way to Chomper's side.

Cutter: <Wow, who was that?>

Chomper: <Mr. Threehorn. He can be a little...pushy sometimes, just like Cera.>

Cutter: <Who's Cera?>

Chomper: <My Threehorn friend. I guess we can go look over around there next. Come on!>

Chomper and Cutter walk off, while the camera pans to a bush in the background. It rustles some, and Cera pokes her head out of it, staring suspiciously in the direction of the sharpteeth.

Cera: "Humpth!"

---------------------------------<Commercial break>-----------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Longneck Nest.

Littlefoot is fast asleep in his nest. Cera walks up to him, and nudges him to wake him up.

Littlefoot: "Eh..." He yawns. "...Oh what now!?"

Cera: "What do you mean?"

Littlefoot: "I mean SOMEBODY keeps trying to wake me up!"

Cera: "Oh, pipe down longneck! Anyway, I've woken you up so we can do some investigating!"

Littlefoot: "Investigating?"

Cera: "Yeah. I don't know what Chomper's up to, but he's walking around with another sharptooth!"

Littlefoot: Yawns. "He is?"

Cera: "Yeah! I think that little sharptooth's up to no good!"

Littlefoot: "Oh, I'm sure he's got some reason for it." He yawns yet again. "I mean, he's a friendly sharptooth, and I know he doesn't want to hurt anyone here or..."

Littlefoot drifts back off to sleep.

Cera: "Humpth! Lazy longneck!"

Cera tries to jostle him awake again.

Cera: "Come on! Get up already!"

Littlefoot waves his arm in Cera's face.

Littlefoot: "eeeeeehhhhhhh!" He rolls over, and starts snoring.

Cera: "Fine, I'll get to the bottom of this myself!" She walks off.

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Watering Hole.

Chomper and Cutter are walking around. Chomper is pointing out several nearby nests.

Chomper: <This over here is the Swimmer nest. That little one over there is Ducky, another of my friends.>

Cutter: <She looks nice.>

Chomper: <Over there in the distance is the Threehorn nest.>

Cutter: <NO one is there, though.>

Chomper: <Yeah, I know. They must still be up doing something.>

Cutter: <You said you have a flyer friend too?>

Chomper: <Oh yeah, Petrie! Let me show you his nest!>

Cutter: <But first...I'm getting kind of hungry.>

Chomper: <Oh, alright then. There's a hive of buzzing flyers over here. Let me go get them.>

Chomper walks off into the bushes, while Cutter stays behind.

Cutter: <Man, what’s taking him so long. You know? I could really go right now for a nice juicy...>

The ground shakes again, as Mr. Threehorn comes barging in on the scene. His eyes lock on the little fast biter, and he grunts. Cera walks out from behind her dad.

Cera: "There it is! There's the sharptooth!"

Mr. Threehorn: "A sharptooth heh? Thought you'd come in for a snack, but you’re going home hungry tonight!"

Mr. Threehorn charges forward, while Cutter takes off.

Cutter: <AHHH!>

Cutter comes up to an old tree. Mr. Threehorn keeps bolting forward, so Cutter dodges to the left. The old Threehorn can't stop in time, and spears the old tree with his middle horn.

Mr. Threehorn: "Not again!"

He struggles, and manages to pull the tree out of the ground. He shakes his head back and forth several times. The tree finally comes loose, and flies off. He looks around, looking discouraged.

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! That little sharptooth got away! I'll have to go tell Bron about this!"

He walks off.

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Longneck Nest.

Cera runs up to the Longneck Nest, and pushes on Littlefoot, trying to wake him again.

Cera: "Get up Littlefoot! Get up!"

Littlefoot: "Uh..." Raising his head, "...Cera! Stop waking me!" He lays his head down yet again and snores.

Mr. Threehorn charges in after Cera.

Mr. Threehorn: "Sharptooth!"

Littlefoot suddenly jumps out of bed.

Littlefoot: "Sharptooth!? I'm awake! I'm awake!"

Bron: Waking up. "Sharptooth? Here?"

Mr. Threehorn: "That's right! I just saw it!"

Bron: "We must warn the others!"

Mr. Threehorn: "That would be foolish! The Sharptooth is getting away!"

Bron: "Fine, then I'll go warn everyone. You stay here and look after the little ones!"

Mr. Threehorn: "I want to drive that sharptooth out right now! Why should I listen to you, longneck?"

Bron: "Well, I AM the head of the Council!"

Bron walks off, while Mr. Threehorn just stands there, looking disgruntled.

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! You heard the dinosaur! Just try to stay out of trouble kids!"

Mr. Threehorn looks around to see all the little ones have already apparently run off.

Mr. Threehorn: Rolling eyes. "...Here we go again..." He walks off.

Scene: The Great Valley.

In a different area of the Valley, where many different species of dinosaur are sleeping in close quarters, Bron comes running up to the large group.

Bron: "Everyone! Get up! There's a sharptooth in the Valley!"

Ducky's Mom: "Oh dear!"

Thornthumb mother: "We must keep the kids safe!"

Ducky: Walking up to Mr. Thicknose. "What is going on?"

Mr. Thicknose: "This is just like that story I told you kids yesterday. Everyone, run!"

Petrie's Mom: "What are we going to do!?"

All of the adults begin to freak out, running around in different directions, screaming.

Scene: The Professor's cave.

Inside the main room of the cave, the Professor is sitting down, watching a TV screen, which is suspended from the ceiling on the other side of the room. On the TV screen is a video of the chaos that is ensuing outside.

Professor: "Oh dear, I should do something!"

He looks down at himself.

Professor: "...Though I AM already in my pajamas..."

His head falls back, and he drifts off to sleep.

Scene: The edge of the Great Valley.

The freshly assembled Gang run up, looking around.

Ducky: "What is going on?"

Littlefoot: "Somebody keeps saying there's a sharptooth in the Great Valley, but I haven't seen it yet.

Cera: "Well I did!"

Littlefoot: "Cera, are you just trying to get some attention again or something?"

Cera: "No, I really did see that sharptooth! It was a fast biter!"

Littlefoot steps forward, pushing his head up against Cera's.

Littlefoot: "Or, you just wanted to keep me up! Is that it? You couldn't sleep, so you just thought you'd come along and ruin my sleep too?"

Cera: "...what are you even talking about?"

Littlefoot: "Well, if I had half a mind, I'd..."

Before Littlefoot can finish his rambling, the bushes next to the Gang rustle.

Petrie: "What that?"

Littlefoot: "Whoever it is, c...come out!"

Two dark figures quickly run out of the bushes, away from the Gang.

Cera: "After them!"

The gang chase the two shadowy figures into a nearby cave.

Cera: "Who is it?"

Ducky: "I do not know."

Petrie: "It look like a..."

Littlefoot: "...Sharptooth!"

------------------------------<Commercial break>--------------------------------

Everyone, minus Chomper, screams. Chomper walks up in between the spooked groups, and tries to address both sides quickly.

Chomper: "It's okay, he's nice!" Snapping his head around to Cutter. <It's okay, they're nice!>

Littlefoot: Sticking his head forward. "Hey, isn't he that little fast biter that walked out and talked to you a while back?

Chomper: "Why yes, he is!"

Chomper turns back to Cutter.

Chomper: <Okay, let’s get you introduced to my friends!>

Cutter: <...Alright.>

Chomper: "Everyone, meet Cutter, my friend from the Mysterious Beyond!"

Littlefoot: "So your name is cutter?"

Ruby: "Why hello Cutter! Long time no see!"

Ducky: "It is nice to meet you, yes it is!"

Petrie: "You nice, right?"

Cera: "Humpth!"

Littlefoot: "Cera!"

Chomper: "Cera! Why did you have to rat out on Cutter?"

Cera: "Well, I didn't know what you two were doing here. By the way, what ARE you doing?"

Chomper:" I was just showing Cutter around the Valley. Showing him how nice everyone here is. But...you had to ruin everything!"

Cutter: <Um, Chomper? I kind of want to go home now.>

Littlefoot: "What did he say?"

Chomper: "He wants to go home. I need to get him out of here!"

Ruby: "Well, it isn't going be so easy anymore. We have the whole Valley looking for him now!"

Littlefoot: "We need a plan to get Cutter out of here safely!"

Cera: looking proud. "It won't be easy, ESPECIALLY with my dad around!"

Cutter starts shivering in fear again, which makes Cera burst out laughing.

Chomper: "What's so funny?"

Cera: "Just that a sharptooth would be afraid of the Great Valley like that. That's just hilarious!"

Chomper, annoyed, whispers something in Cutter's ear. Cutter sneaks up on the little threehorn, and gives the biggest roar he can. Cera jumps up, scared.

Cera: "Sharptooth!"

She bolts off screen, and the sound of her ramming into a rocky wall can be heard. Everyone stares in her direction.

Scene: The Great Valley, outside that very cave.

The Gang sneak out of the cave, with Cutter in the middle of the group as not to be seen.

Ducky: "Let us make our way to the Hidden Valley, yes?"

Everyone walks along some more. Just then, the ground starts to shake again.

Littlefoot: "Everyone! Hide!"

The gang and Cutter run into some dense greenery, just as Mr. Threehorn comes charging past.

Ruby: "This is not going to work, because it is not working."

Chomper: "We're going to have to get to the Secret Caves, and fast!

Littlefoot: "I have an idea!"

Cera: "I have a better idea!"

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Longneck Nest.

Grandma Longneck is lying down at the nest. The Gang, minus Ruby, and Cutter walk up to the nest. Cutter is nestled in the group of youngsters, so he's hard to see.

Littlefoot: "Grandma, where's Ruby?"

Grandma Longneck: "Oh, I do not know."

Chomper: "Well, I'm worried about her."

Ducky: "That sharptooth is in the Valley. "

Chomper: "Yeah, she could be in trouble!" He sheds a few tears. "We have to go help her, please!"

Grandma Longneck: "Oh dear! We have to find her!"

Littlefoot: "Let's go to the Secret Caverns! She MUST be there!"

Petrie: "We ride on Grandma's back?”

Grandma Longneck: "Oh, of course you can catch a ride!"

Grandma Longneck lays out her tail, and the Gang, with a sharptooth stowaway, make their way up it onto her back. The old longneck gets up, and takes off. The young dinosaurs whisper among themselves.

Cutter: <Ah, she's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro!>

Chomper: <Shh!>

Ducky: "Looks like this plan is working, oh yes it does!"

Petrie: "Great plan, Littlefoot!"

Cera: "Humpth! Don't know why ya'll didn’t like my slingshot idea."

Chomper: "Great idea putting treesweet juice in my eyes, Littlefoot! I can't stop crying now, though."

Scene: The Secret Caves.

The gang has already departed off of Grandma Longneck, and are now a short ways in the caves.

Chomper: <Alright, Cutter. Do you remember the rest of the way now?>

Cutter: <Yeah, I can get out myself now.>

Chomper: <Don't tell anyone how you got in here, okay?>

Cutter: <Not even my brothers?>

Chomper: <ESPECIALLY not your brothers!>

Cutter: <Okay, I'll keep my jaws closed!>

Chomper: <Good. Now I'm sorry it had to go down like this.>

Cutter: <Aw, it's alright, Chomper. Your friends seem nice at least.>

Chomper: <Yeah, they're great friends! Well, goodbye for now.>

Cutter: <Bye Chomper! I'll try to meet up with you again sometime!>

Cutter walks off into the darkness of the Secret Caves, into the Mysterious Beyond. Chomper gets a little teary eyed as he starts talking to the Gang.

Chomper: "I'm getting teary eyed again. Though it might just be that treesweet juice. No...no, It's not that this time. You know what? You go your whole life thinking you’re the only friendly one of your kind out there. Thinking you’re unique, that you’re special. Then someone else like you comes along. You might think this makes you mad, because you’re not unique anymore, but I'm overjoyed! I always hoped there was someone like Cutter out there. Believed it in my heart, and..."

He pauses for a moment.

Chomper: "...Hey! Are you guys even listening?"

Chomper turns around to see that the Gang isn't there anymore. He looks to his left to see Littlefoot on the side of the cave, sleeping again.

Chomper: "Littlefoot! You're on my favorite sleeping spot!"

Chomper tries pushing on the longneck to get him up, but he's too big for the little sharptooth.

Chomper: "Oh come on! You have your own nest to sleep in!"

Chomper loses his breath from pushing so much, and stops.

Chomper: "Aw, just forget it!"

Chomper sits down with his back on Littlefoot and drifts off to sleep.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 17, 2011, 12:53:02 AM
I've been so busy this week, I haven't been able to work on the episode that's supposed to be tonight at all. Whenever I get around to it, I'm always too tired, and I just want to sleep by then. Sorry about that, but I've decided to do this. Since I've had the first part of the season finale done for a couple months now, I'll just give you that one right now, and I can see about what, if anything, I'll be able to put up for next Friday.

I'll just say that I don't know if I'll be able to stick to my schedule anymore (Well, I'm not sticking to it right now, aren't I? "lol). Full time job and full time college sucks more life out of you than I thought it would. So, if nothing get's put up next week, you'll know why.

Anyway, let's get to the start of the spicy finale! :DD

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 27 - The Farwalker's World Part 1

The Land After Time!

Scene: The Great Valley, at night.

Camera is in the air, far above the Valley. In the distance, various members of the Gang slowly creep their way towards Petrie's nest. Behind them, a beam of blue light shines from the sky down to a field in the Valley. Camera zooms into the beam to reveal two rainbowfaces materializing in the beam of light. They step out of the beam, and walk off into the night.

Scene: The Professor's cave, the next morning.

Chomper walks into the cave, sniffing the air.

Chomper: "Hmm...Mmm...what's that smell?"

Chomper lifts his head to see a round glass bowl full of water. A fish is swimming around in it.

Chomper: "Ooh, a fish! But what is it doing here?"

The little sharptooth walks up to the fish bowl, licking his lips. He sticks his claw in the fishbowl and tries to catch the fish, spooking it.

Chomper: "Oh come on!"

Chomper finally grabs hold of the fish. He pulls it up to his mouth.

Chomper: "Finally! Come to Chomper!"

Chomper swallows the fish whole, just when the Professor steps into the cave to see.

Professor: "WHAT!?"

Chomper gets wide eyed. He snaps his head around, looking guilty.

Chomper: "...uh-oh."

Professor: "My god, this is an outrage! I was going to eat that fish!"

Camera switches to just outside the cave. The noises of the Professor yelling and various things falling and breaking can be heard. Chomper runs out of the cave into the woods, making scared sharptooth noises, while the Professor runs up to the entrance of the cave, holding a newspaper in his hands.

Professor: "...And stay out!"

Professor walks back into the cave, mumbling to himself.

Professor: "...that little sharptooth...My pills...annoying little dinosaurs...Medication...getting in my hair all the time..."

The Professor open his refrigerator, and pulls out a can that says "Prof. Pepper" on it. He sits down on a rock, and uses a small device to turn on the tv in his cave. The first image that comes up is of Bron and Mr. Threehorn by the Watering Hole, in another argument.

Bron: "we are going to congratulate him!"

Mr. Threehorn: "But he doesn't even deserve anything!"

Bron: "Look at what he's done for us!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth!"

Professor: Laughs maniacally. "Ah, my favorite channel!"

He takes a sip of his soda.

Scene: The Great Valley, in the morning.

Mr. Thicknose: "Long long long long ago...further back than anyone can remember...great creatures first walked up from the murky ooz...and thus began the age of the dinos-"

Littlefoot: "Um, Mr. Thicknose.? You've told us that story already!"

Mr. Thicknose: "Hmm, really? Because I can't quite recall telling this tale before."

Ducky: "I am sure you already have, yup yup yup!"

Cera: "Humpth! How would YOU know? You slept through it the first time!"

Ducky: "I did?"

Mr. Thicknose: "Oh yes, now I remember. You WERE asleep Ducky!"

Littlefoot: "I think I'll go and see that meeting today. Who's with me?"

Cera: "Humpth! I've got something funner to do than that!"

Petrie: "Me no wanna go. Too much arguing all the time!"

Ruby: "Hmm, I might like to go."

Chomper: Looking worried. "I wouldn't. I always feel weird there. Everyone just stares at me."

Ruby: "then I guess I'll stay here with Chomper." She sighs.

Littlefoot lowers his head, looking disappointed.

Ducky: "Oh, do not look down Littlefoot, Me and Spike will go!"

The longneck raises his head back up in excitement.

Littlefoot: "Alright!"

Littlefoot, Ducky, and Spike walk off, while the camera pans over a dense forest next to the group of dinosaurs. The two rainbowfaces are hiding among the trees, looking on at the Gang and the old thicknose.

Female Rainbowface: "Ah, the old group of youngsters. Good to see they are still doing well."

Male Rainbowface: Sighs. "If only they knew."

Female Rainbowface: "What are you talking about?"

Male Rainbowface: "I mean that...creature, from before."

Female Rainbowface: "You remember what the council said. This is only another mission for information, like we always do."

Male Rainbowface: "I'm starting to get fed up with this. When will we actually be allowed to do something?"

Female Rainbowface: "Oh, I don't know. Maybe when you stop trying to do something all the time!?"

Male Rainbowface: "I'm going to go find some nourishment, I'm getting kind of hungry."

The male walks off.

Female Rainbowface: "Alright, but I would appreciate it if you didn't take a blue moon this time!"

Scene: Near the Great Valley Wall.

The male rainbowface is walking along, turning his head to look at everything around him.

Male Rainbowface: "It's so nice to get to do some exploring done on my own. quite nice. Why does she always have to be so dead-set on following the rules to a T all the time? Wait, what's this?"

The Male Rainbowface walks up to the wall. He sees a large hole in the wall.

Male Rainbowface: "Oh my, this could be disastrous! This peaceful little valley is in danger, predators could come in through there! I...I have to do something!"

Scene: The Professor's cave.

The Professor is still watching Bron and Mr. Threehorn arguing on his television.

Bron: "Topsy, look! we've been arguing all morning! Now, I'm giving that individual thanks, and that's final!

Mr. Threehorn: "But...but...he...Humpth! Fine then! Have it your way!"

Mr. Threehorn turns tail and stomps off.

Bron: "Glad you see it my way...I think."

Professor: "ugh, this is starting to get boring."

The Professor changes the channel on the TV. The set now shows the Great Valley Wall. A rock is floating in the air towards a hole in the wall.

Professor: "Wha?"

The male rainbowface walks into the camera, his arm raised. He motions, and the rock gently falls into the hole in the rocky wall. He dusts off his claws in accomplishment and walks off.

The Professor spews out his soda.

Professor: "What the...tail is going on here!?"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Great Meeting Circle, midday.

The grownups are gathered for a meeting. Bron comes up and speaks.

Bron: "Today, I would like to call to attention someone we haven't thanked yet.

Petrie's Mom: "Really? Who?"

Bron: "Pterano!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth!"

Pterano: "Uh...wha...a...really? Me?"

Bron: "Pterano, we all would just like to say thank you. we have benefited from some of your ideas. You may be a bit...eccentric, but you do have the herd in mind, and that's important. You don't seem quite as...pompous as you used to be.

Pterano: "Why thank you, oh great and wise longneck! It takes a true leader to see the worth of people. Why, maybe this is a new beginning. Perhaps this means that someday I will be able to join the council and...

Mr. Threehorn stomps up to Pterano.

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! Don't push it, ya old flyer!"

Pterano: "Uh...that will be all then."

Bron: "Looks like next up we have..."

Professor: "I demand the floor!"

Bron: Confused. "Um, yes. It's your turn, Professor."

Professor: "Well nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!"

The Professor makes his way to the front of the Council.

Professor: "Today, I have come to warn you of something terrible in the Great Valley! A great danger!"

The Adults gasp.

Bron: "Dangerous? Terrible? What do you mean, Professor?"

Professor: "I'm talking about those two rainbowfaces. They've returned!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Dangerous? Ha!"

Grandma Longneck: "I don't really know what you're talking about, Professor."

Professor: "I mean they...just aren't normal!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Well...yes, I know that, Professor. The first time they came, I told them that I thought that they weren't from around here..."

Professor: "Exactly! They aren't from around here!"

Bron: "But, that doesn't make them dangerous. They might talk strange, and pass around strange ideas, but they haven't done anything wrong! They haven't hurt anyone!"

Professor: "But you don't understand!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! What don't we understand!?"

Professor: "Well...it's just that...I believe that they are...oh, how do I put this?"

The Professor grows speechless.

Bron: "Look Professor, if that's all you have to bring up, then I don't see any problem with those two farwalkers."

Professor: "But...but..."

Ducky's Mom: "You heard what Bron said, Professor."

The Professor lowers his head and walks off, defeated. He leaves the group of adults, and walks up Littlefoot, Ducky, Spike, and a Redback hatchling, who are all sitting nearby, watching the meeting.

Littlefoot: "Um, hey Professor."

Professor: "...Hello everyone."

Littlefoot: "I just heard what happened over there at the meeting. Are you okay?"

Professor: "I suppose I'm alright. It's just...I really do think those rainbowfaces mean bad news."

Ducky: "What do you mean?"

Professor: "Well, they just aren't of this area, if you know what I mean."

Littlefoot: "Well, I know what you mean, but that doesn't change anything."

Professor: "What do you mean?"

Littlefoot: "I mean, so what if they are so different from any other dinosaurs? They are still kind, and helpful."

Professor: Sighs. "You DON'T know what I mean, Littlefoot, but...I don't know if I can explain why."

Littlefoot: "Why not?"

Professor: "Well, I don't know if I could explain that either!"

Littlefoot: Sighs. Fine then, If you don't want us to know! I have to ask though, if you think they're so dangerous, what are you going to do about them?"

Professor: "Well, I'm gonna have to find them and prove what I mean about them!"

Ducky: "Really?"

Professor: "Yes. Um, could you come with me and help me look for them?"

Littlefoot: "Well sure we will!"

Redback Hatchling: "Do we have to?"

Scene: The Great Valley.

Cera, Petrie, Ruby, and Chomper are sitting around a rock, looking bored.

Chomper: "I thought you said you had something fun for us to do today."

Cera: "That was just an excuse so I wouldn't have to go to that boring meeting!"

Ruby: "Thanks a lot!"

???: "Greetings!"

Petrie: "Ahh!

Petrie flies up and clings to Cera's horn.

Petrie: "Who that?"

The two rainbowfaces walk up to the group.

Female Rainbowface: "why, it is just us, little ones."

Petrie: "Ooh, it the weird ones!"

Male Rainbowface: "I'll choose to take that as a compliment!"

Ruby: "I find you two so fascinating!"

Female Rainbowface: "As I find you, young one!"

Cera: "Humpth!"

Female Rainbowface: "Anyway, little ones. We're looking for that...individual we saw last time we were here."

Chomper: "Who?"

Female Rainbowface: "You know, the one in white, with fur on his head."

Ruby: "Oh, you mean the Professor! Well, he's not here right now!"

Male Rainbowface: "Not here?"

Petrie: "Nope, he run off for the day. Me no know where he is!"

Female Rainbowface: "You haven't seen him either, little carnivorous one?"

Chomper: Looking guilty again. "Uh, no, can't say that I have! heheh..." He smiles shyly.

Female Rainbowface: "Well, this posses quite the conundrum, don't you think?"

Male Rainbowface: "Yes, quite."

Chomper: "Why do you want to find him?"

Male Rainbowface: "Well...let's just say that we want to learn more about him."

Female Rainbowface: "Say, how would you all like to help us find this... Professor?"

Chomper: "Sure, I'd love to help you hunt him down!"

Cera looks at Chomper disconcertingly.

Chomper: "Um...that came out wrong..."

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: Woods in the Great Valley.

The Professor and his half of the Gang are walking through the forest, in search of the rainbowfaces.

Professor: "Hmm, now where could those two be?"

Littlefoot: "Maybe they're in your cave? I mean, they'd probably find that place pretty interesting!"

Professor: "I hope not!"

Redback Hatchling: "Can I go back to my nest now?"

Littlefoot: "Let's just look a little longer. I'm sure we'll find them!"

Ducky: "How are we supposed to find them?"

Professor: sighs. "I wish We had Chomper with us. He would have been a big help."

Scene: A different area of the same forest.

Chomper walks by, sniffing the ground. The two rainbowfaces and their half of the Gang are following him.

Chomper: "This way!"

Male Rainbowface: "You smell him?"

Chomper: "Of course. I wouldn't forget that smell anywhere!"

Ruby: "What smell?"

Chomper: "You know, the Professor's smell. It's just so..."

Cera: "So...what?"

Chomper: "...I don't know. Weird I guess."

Female Rainbowface: "Are we getting close?"

Chomper: "Almost there..."

Chomper closes his eyes, and continues following his sniffer. He walks up to the Professor, and sniffs up his leg. He starts to slowly lick his lips.

Professor: "Uh, Chomper? What are you doing?

Chomper snaps his eyes open.

Chomper: "Uh..."

Littlefoot: "Ah, the rainbowfaces! I haven't seen you two in a long time!"

Male Rainbowface: "Why hello th-"

Professor: "Oh, shud-up!"

Ruby: "Professor?"

Professor: "Step back from them, all of you!

Female Rainbowface: "What are you talking about?"

Professor: "I'm trying to save them from you two!"

Male Rainbowface: "Us? But why?"

Littlefoot: "I'm not sure. The Professor keeps saying your not really dinosaurs."

Male Rainbowface: "If that is what you're on about, then let me turn your attention to the strange creature standing before you today!"

Male Rainbowface: "Maybe you should stop. You know, it's usually a bad idea to anger the locals!"

Professor: "Don't you turn this on me, YOUR the the ones that are living lies, you pompous frauds!"

Male Rainbowface: "Coming from a true pompous fraud. My, how ironic!"

Female: "Please! stop this!"

Littlefoot: "What's going on here?"

Professor: "Littlefoot, please listen to me! These guys are dangerous!"

Male Rainbowface: "No, listen to us! This fellow is dangerous!"

Professor: "Am not!"

Male Rainbowface: "Are too!"

Professor: "Why I oughta...!"

The Professor charges towards the male rainbowface. The female comes up and stands between the two.

Female Rainbowface: "Please...please you two! We can't be arguing like this!"

Male Rainbowface: "But...but..."

Female Rainbowface: "There's more diplomatic ways to deal with this!"

The Male rainbowface pushes the female out of his way.

Male Rainbowface: "I've got a better way to deal with this!"

The male rainbowface grabs a device off of the Professor's pants.

Male Rainbowface: "Now, let's see what this does!"

The male rainbowface turns a dial on the device all the way up.

Professor: "Don't do that! It isn't supposed to be up that high!"

Female Rainbowface: "I really think you should listen to this creature."

Male Rainbowface: "Oh, what could possibly be the harm?"

The male rainbowface presses a button on the device. The female rainbowface slaps her own face and sighs.

Professor: "Wait! Stop!"

Male Rainbowface: "What are you still on about? Nothing has gone wro-"

Suddenly, a bright blue light appears above the entire group. It looks similar to the one the Professor walked out of originally, but this one is huge. Leafs and small rocks start floating up and flying into the light.

Female Rainbowface: "What's that?"

Chomper: "Uh oh, this doesn't look good!"

Littlefoot: "Everyone! Run!"

Everyone starts feeling the growing pull of the blue light, and run off to grab onto trees, rocks, or anything else weighted down. Petrie tries to fly off, but gets caught by the pull of the light. By a tree, Cera is struggling to hold on. Spike has bitten her tail to try to stay down.

The young redback flies past Littlefoot's head first.

Redback Hatchling: "Oh bugger!"

Cera: "I can't hold on any longer!"

Cera lets go, and both her and Spike fly into the light. The female rainbowface gets caught next. The Professor flies into the light after her, strangling the male rainbowface's neck.

Ducky: "Oh no no no no!"

Chomper lets go of a tree branch, and him and Ducky fly off into the light.

Littlefoot: "Chomper! Ducky!"

Ruby flies past.

Ruby: "Chomper! Come back!"

Littlefoot, the last of the group, struggles with all his might to hold on with his tail, but finally gives up. Littlefoot takes off towards the bright light.

Littlefoot: He gulps. "Well, here we go!"

Littlefoot closes his eyes, as he disappears into the light. The light finally subsides. It leaves behind an empty and silent valley.

TO BE CONTINUED
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on September 17, 2011, 01:15:18 AM
Quote
Bron: "Today, I would like to call to attention someone we haven't thanked yet.

Petrie's Mom: "Really? Who?"

Bron: "Pterano!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth!"

Pterano: "Uh...wha...a...really? Me?"

Bron: "Pterano, we all would just like to say thank you. we have benefited from some of your ideas. You may be a bit...eccentric, but you do have the herd in mind, and that's important. You don't seem quite as...pompous as you used to be.

Pterano: "Why thank you, oh great and wise longneck! It takes a true leader to see the worth of people. Why, maybe this is a new beginning. Perhaps this means that someday I will be able to join the council and...

Mr. Threehorn stomps up to Pterano.

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! Don't push it, ya old flyer!"

Pterano: "Uh...that will be all then."

All of a sudden Pterano reminds me of Sokka from Avatar the Last Pingas-I mean Airbender. Any way, EGGSELENT CHAPTER VONBOB!!!!! Maaaaan you've improved on your comedy I'm not kidding! You practically had me laughing my friggin butt off! Amazing job tonight!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Caustizer on September 17, 2011, 01:17:16 AM
Even the most passionate projects get delayed over time, much the same way real TV Series fall out of style and replaced by new ones.  I can remember sometime after my first year writing Far Away Home I was hit by the same thing... I simply couldn't put out a chapter every two weeks with school so intrusive.

My best advice would be to keep to it, but try to stay consistant with the rate of updates as best you can.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 17, 2011, 11:55:05 AM
Yeah. I did have a lot of my episodes already written up before hand in hopes that I'd be able to keep my schedule. The problem is I'm so busy, I haven't been able to write barely anything anything the past several weeks, so I've now burned through all of my shelved episodes. I have nothing left that's finished.

Anyway, I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the feedback tfm, and thank you for the encouragement Caustiser. Are you still reading this?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Pterano on September 26, 2011, 12:42:03 PM
Alright, so I'm going to be reviewing episode 24 and episode 25, now that I'm caught up on those. From what I can remember of episode 24, that was around the time of Hurricane Irene. This was where Cera became a sharptooth in every sense of the word through a trick played on her by Chomper and the Professor. It was a typical "I'm gonna put you in my shoes as punishment" plot, but the way it was conducted was rather good, as you knew it was a prank the whole time, rather than being left in the dark over what was going on.

I'd probably give it a 7 out of 10, as it was pretty well written, though felt a little formulaic in its approach too. I'm not necessarily saying formula is bad in writing, but if it feels like we've been here and done this before when reading it, it just kind of nags in the back of your mind. However, it was nice that the revenge plot was hatched on Cera, as it defintely sounded like she'd have the most conflicts with Chomper out of the Gang, and that Chomper might want to logically get back at her following this. All in all, the humor was good, as always, and I felt while not a stellar episode, it was still good all the same. :)

25 was one featuring Petrie and Pterano getting into a misadventure out in the Mysterious Beyond. This one garnered an 8 out of 10 from me, as I thought it was a really good blend of humor and story writing. The plot was woven together fairly well, and served as a bit of bonding time between uncle and nephew that we wouldn't otherwise have seen in the series. Pterano trying to pull off some of his fabricated feats was also pretty funny, as he rapidly realized they weren't entirely doable.

Although this episode easily could've gotten exaggerated or over the top, it didn't fall into this pit fall, and made off with itself rather well, or so I thought. The ending was kind of funny and random too, when Littlefoot managed to find the giant diamond. XD The dialogue was good, and felt perfectly in character, though some of it strayed to being a little silly at times, though as this is partly a comedy series, that's understandable. I guess the only downside that I found was that I wasn't quite sure if we were going for a serious story with some funny undertones, or a funny story with some serious undertones. It didn't commit strongly enough to one or the other, and I found myself saying "Well this is a good comedy... but was it supposed to be?" by the end of it. I guess it was, as I think the comedic vibes are just a little stronger here, but ultimately, I'm not sure.

Either way, it was a good episode, and I rather liked the focus on Pterano and Petrie, something the series refused to touch. XD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 30, 2011, 06:13:29 PM
Thanks for the reviews Pterano :lol:

I have some announcements to make. I'm finding I can barely find the free time to work on this anymore. I've only written maybe a couple more scenes this week, and don't see when I'm going to get more time to work on it, so I'm putting the show on and indefinite hold.  :unsure:

I'm sorry about this, but I just don't have time to work on it right now.

also, a couple of other things. "Sweet Dreams" Isn't going to be this season, as I'm still having serious writer's block on it. Instead, the three-parter season finale is going to end up being a four-parter. :smile
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on October 15, 2011, 07:49:24 AM
Ok, I've finished part 2, and I'm far enough along on part 3 that I feel I can tell the revised dates that the last 3 episodes this season are going to be posted up.

Episode 28 - The Farwalker's World Part 2 (October 21st)
Episode 29 - The Farwalker's World Part 3 (October 28th)
Episode 30 - The Farwalker's World Part 4 (November 4th)

After that, PAST-O-RAMA will be going on a LONG break until the third season. One reason for this is so I can take my time to develop it out and have a lot of it written out ahead of time.

Another is because of my secret writing project (It's not related to PAST-O-RAMA), which I will start to show off after I post the last episode of this season.

Also, here's a table reading me, LBTDiclonius, Trulyfantasticme, and Pterano did a couple weeks back. I was GOING to edit this, but never got around to it, so HERE (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=J83ECJ2U) it is if you want to just listen to the unedited version. It's of the Pterano episode "From One Adventurer to Another".
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on October 21, 2011, 08:24:59 PM
Episode 28 - The Farwalker's World Part 2

Uncencored!

Scene: The Great Valley, at night, 100 million years in the future.

Camera starts in the sky, where a huge blue light has been shining. The camera pans downward, to a pile of dinosaurs on a road below. They are in the street of a medium sized city that takes up most of the Valley. They're all unconscious from the recent fall.

Littlefoot opens his eyes and looks around, confused.

Littlefoot: "Am I having another sleep story or something?"

He gets up and nudges Cera.

Littlefoot: "Cera? Cera!"

Cera rustles around in her resting spot. She doesn't open her eyes, but only replies back in an agitated voice.

Cera: "Uhh...What is it?"

She sticks her head up to look around for a moment, then gets wide eyed.

Cera: "What the...where are we?"

Littlefoot: "I don't really know."

Ducky: "Uhhh...could you keep it quieted down please?"

Petrie: "Yeah, just give me a little bit more time with uncle..."

Both Petrie and Ducky get up, look around, get spooked, and grab onto each other.

Ducky: "Wha...what is this place!?"

Petrie: "It so sp...spooky here!"

Spike gets up, only looking annoyed.

Littlefoot: "Let's try to get everyone else up!"

The now alert Gang attempt to get everyone else in the pile awake. The Professor and the rainbowfaces won't wake up, but Chomper and Ruby do.

Chomper: "Wow...where are we?"

Ruby: "I don't know, because if I did know, I'd tell you!"

Petrie: "Oh no! Look up!"

The whole Gang look up into the sky, to see the huge blue light.

Chomper: "It's...that blue light, from earlier!"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, it must be the same one that...sucked us in somehow."

Ducky: "What do we do now? No one else will wake up."

Cera: "Yeah, and I don't see how we're gonna get back up there to that light...thing."

Petrie: "Well, me could fly up there, but it still leave you guys."

Ruby: "What else could we do?"

Littlefoot: "I think it'd be good to look around and investigate. Maybe we could find something or someone that could help us. And besides, it'll be fun!"

Petrie: "Me no wanna go out there!"

Cera: "Humpth! That's a crazy longneck plan if I ever heard one!"

Ruby: "I think we need to stay here for now. We don't know where we are. If we go out and explore, we'll be even more lost than we are now!"

Littlefoot: "We've got nothing better to do right now! You expect me to just sit around and do nothing? What kind of longneck do you think I am, anyway? Come on, let's go!"

Cera sighs, as Littlefoot bolts off, the rest of the Gang following him.

Several seconds pass by, and the female rainbowface starts to groan. She lifts up her head.

Female Rainbowface: "Oh... my aching head."

She holds her claw over her head, shaking it again, as she goes wide-eyed from the sights around her. She shakes her partner, waking him up.

Female Rainbowface: "Would you mind looking at this?"

Male Rainbowface: "My, this is a sight to behold! Just look at the architecture!"

Female Rainbowface: "Could this possible be that place this...creature down here is from?"

Male Rainbowface: "It could be, yes. Maybe we should try contacting the Council again."

Suddenly, the Professor starts to groan.

Male Rainbowface: Sighs. "Well, here he is again."

Female Rainbowface: "Could you please just cut this out?"

Professor: "Oh, my aching tuckus!"

The old mad looks around at the familiar landscape.

Professor: "Gah! Why'd it have to bring me back here!?"

Male Rainbowface: "Would you mind telling us where we are?"

Professor: "You're the one that sent us here. You should be telling me!"

The female rainbowface looks in shock at the redback lying on the ground, smothered to death from everyone else. She leans down, checking the creature with distress in her eyes.

Female Rainbowface: "Oh my! No...no, it can't be!"

The Professor looks at the ground where the male rainbowface was.

Professor: "Hey, what is that?"

The human bends over and picks up the object. It's a small, smashed electronic.

Professor: "Why, this is that device you grabbed from me earlier. Why you little...You broke my marvelous device! You smashed it into nothingness, you idiot! How in the world are we supposed to go back now!?"

Camera pans over to the female rainbowface, still bent over the redback hatchling.

Female Rainbowface: "Oh, poor thing. It's...always a great tragedy when a young one is...lost. Maybe we should have some kind of ceremony or something for the poor little dinosaur. Pay our respects to him and..."

She hears rustling behind her, and turns around to see the Professor strangling the male rainbowface again.

Professor: "Why you little...monster! I'll kill you!"

Male Rainbowface: "Hehe, not before I go and tell the council ALL about little old you!"

Female Rainbowface: "Would you two please cut it out? We've got better things to do than argue right now!

Professor: "I'll kill you, you martian! Or...whatever you are!"

Male Rainbowface: "What's a martian?"

The female rainbowface stomps up to the two of them.

Female Rainbowface: "Listen, you two! I don't care if you two hate each others' guts so much. We've got to stop this fighting and bickering and figure out what's going on!"

Professor: "I know full well what's going on! This... son of a tar pit just screwed up everything! There's nothing I can do about it!"

Male Rainbowface: "This wouldn't have happened if you weren't somewhere you didn't belong! You ever think of that?"

Professor: "Oh, shud-up!"

???: "Ah ei oh uuu!"

The Professor and the male rainbowface both stop in their tracks.

Female Rainbowface: "What was that?"

Male Rainbowface: "I've never heard ANYTHING like that before!"

Professor: "Hmm, kind of sounds like a..."

A bright light shines over the two dinosaurs and the human. All three turn their eyes toward the light to see another human staring at them.

Professor: "Run!"

-------------------------------(Commercial break)-------------------------------

Scene: Another street in the Great Valley Town.

The Gang is walking along the street.

Petrie: "Ooh, so many bright lights."

Ruby: "And the ground is so hard! It's like rock everywhere!"

Cera: "And what's up with all of these...what would you call them? Caves?"

Ruby: "I don't know what I'm looking at right now, with all of these things around here, but whatever it all might be, it's interesting!"

Littlefoot: "You're right on that, Ruby! I've...never seen ANYTHING like all of this before!"

Ducky: "So, what are we going to do?"

Chomper: "Well, I'm getting hungry."

Cera: "Yeah, and I'm thirsty too."

Littlefoot: "Petrie, how about you fly up in the air, and see if you can see anything?"

Petrie: "Okay, Littlefoot. Me find us some food because me good flyer!"

Petrie takes off into the air. He flies straight up, until he's above most of the buildings around him.

Littlefoot: "See anything?"

Petrie looks to the right and sees a park with a pond.

Petrie: "Yes, me see something! Come on, this way!"

Scene: The park in the Great Valley Town.

The park is not looking well. Most of the trees are dead or dying, along with splotches of grass. The Gang walks up.

Cera: Sarcastically. "Wow, what a nice spot, flyer!"

Petrie: "Oops, this place look better from far away."

Littlefoot: "Well, it's better than nothing I guess. We can find something to eat here, right?"

Chomper walks off to look around in the trees for bugs. The rest of the gang try eating some shrubs and tall grass.

Ruby: "This greenfood tastes...funny."

Ducky: "It it like the greenfood on Chomper's island, it is, it is."

Cera: "No, it's nothing like that stuff. That stuff tasted weird; this stuff just tastes plain awful!"

Spike sighs, while Chomper walks back up to the group.

Chomper: "I can't really find anything either. And I'm getting REALLY hungry! Hmm, I need to find something to eat."

Chomper rubs his stomach, looking around. His eyes move to Cera.

Cera: "Humpth, don't look at me!"

Petrie: "At least me see pond over there!"

Littlefoot: Snaps his head up. "Water!"

Chomper: "Great!"

Ducky: "I was getting thirsty, I was, I was!"

The Gang walks up, and stick their heads in the water for a drink. They quickly recoil, spitting the water out.

Littlefoot: "Ew! This tastes horrible!"

Ducky: "What is in here!?"

Cera: "Bleh! Tastes like a dinosaur died in here!"

Chomper: "And then a sharptooth came along, tried to eat it, and died too! Pah!"

Ruby: "What kind of place is this!?"

Scene: A cave at the edge of the Great Valley Town, still at night.

The male rainbowface and the Professor are huddled up inside, while the female rainbowface is outside, looking up into the sky, worried. She closes her eyes, listening for something, before giving a long sigh.

Female Rainbowface: "I can't get a signal either? What in the world is up with this world!?"

The male rainbowface walks out of the cave, to stand beside the female.

Male Rainbowface: "What's wrong, dear?"

Female Rainbowface: "Everything's wrong!

Female Rainbowface: "So, how are things in there?"

Male Rainbowface: "Not well. Tried to get something out of the Professor, but the old creature decided to take a nap after the questioning."

Female Rainbowface: "Well, at least we found a nice little abode for tonight. Let's just be thankful for that."

Male Rainbowface: "Don't worry. I'm sure we'll find a way to get back. But at least while we're here, we can see if we can find out anything."

Female Rainbowface: "For once, it's not the time for that! We have to think about getting out of this!"

Male Rainbowface: "Well, I'm going off to sleep now."

Female Rainbowface: "Night."

The male rainbowface leaves, thinking, while the female stays behind, looking up at the sky again and also pondering.

Scene: A parking lot in the Great Valley Town.

The Gang walks along the hard pavement of the parking lot, towards a supermarket.

Littlefoot: "So, you said you smelled something around here, Chomper?"

Chomper: "Yup! And it smells really good!"

Littlefoot: "Well, let's go check it out then."

Cera: "Hey, Littlefoot? Sure you're interested in something that Chomper thinks smells good?"

Littlefoot: "Well, we've got nothing else to go on. Gotta try something, right?"

Chomper: "Yeah, it's right in this...cave...thing!"

Chomper points his claw at the front entrance to the grocery store. The Gang runs up, and glances inside. The leafeaters' gaze turn to all of the fruits, vegetables, and other green looking things to the right, while Chomper eyes a long aisle full of nothing but meat.

Everyone: "FOOD!"

Littlefoot: "Let's go in, everyone!"

Littlefoot shoots off towards the entrance. The camera follows him as he nears it. The longneck bumps up into the glass, getting knocked down. The camera keeps going, before returning to the dazed longneck.

Littlefoot: "What was that?"

Ducky walks up to the glass, touching it with her hand.

Ducky: "There is something here, oh yes."

Ruby comes up and touches it too.

Ruby: "But, what is is?"

Spike pushes himself into the glass, eying the greenfood again and sighing. Chomper comes up to the glass. He pushes up against the barrier, getting angry. He then tries to bite at the glass, but can't get his teeth to connect with the glass.

Chomper: "But I'm so hungry. Oh, am I ever going to find something to eat around here?"

The little sharptooth's stomach rumbles, as he glances over to Ducky.

Ducky: "I wish you would not look over at me when you say that, no no no!"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The same city street everyone woke up at.

The Gang comes walking up to the same street where they began.

Littlefoot: "Well. Here we are."

Cera: "You sure, longneck? Because I don't see anyone here!"

Ruby: "This is odd. The rest should still be here, since this is where we left them, but they're not here!"

Littlefoot: "And I know this is the same place, because we're under that blue...light that we got sucked into before."

Ducky: "Where did everyone go?"

Petrie: "Me no know! Maybe they want to adventure like us?"

Cera: "I said we should have just stayed here, but NO! We had to go on another adventure, didn't we?"

Littlefoot: "Well, we're just going to have to head out again and look for them. They could be in trouble!"

Cera: "Could things possibly get any worse?"

Chomper's stomach growls again.

Cera: "Humpth! Thanks for reminding me!"

Scene: A cave in the Great Valley of the future.

The female rainbowface is outside yet again, staring into the sky.

Female Rainbowface: Sighs. "I...just don't know what to do anymore. I'm in a strange place. I don't know whether to be more angry at this... professor fellow, or my own partner. I just wish we could just settle our differences somehow and get something done here. How could things get any worse?"

She turns around to enter the cave for a second time.

Female Rainbowface: "Well, partner, got any more ideas?"

No one answers.

Female Rainbowface: "...Partner?"

She scans the room, but only sees the Professor, who's soundly asleep.

Female Rainbowface: "Now where did that dino face head off to!?"

She rushes to the Professor, shaking him, and trying to wake him up.

Female Rainbowface: "Professor? Professor! Wake up you lazy creature!"

The Professor's eyes shoot open in terror.

Professor: "AAIIIEEEE! Ah eh u!"

Female Rainbowface: "Professor? What's wrong with you!?"

The Professor calms down, then reaches in his backpack. He procures one of his communication devices, straps it on his arm, and sets it to flattooth.

Professor: "Ah, that's better."

Female Rainbowface: "What happened?"

Professor: "Hmm, I seem to have misplaced my usual communicator. That's odd, I never take the darn thing off. I even sleep with it!"

The old man takes a look around the cave.

Professor: "Hey, where's your other friend?"

Female Rainbowface: "I have no idea. You don't suppose that he took your communicator, do you?"

Professor: "That must be what happened!"

Female Rainbowface: Sighs. "Has he lost his mind? What does he hope to accomplish?"

Professor: "Must be obsessed with trying to find out who I truly am."

Female Rainbowface: "Oh, could things possibly get any worse!?"

Scene: A house in the town.

A door knocks, and an old man in a lab coat answers. It's Doctor Mabutu.

Mabutu: "My word, who could it possibly be at this hour of the night!"

Doctor Mabutu opens the door to reveal the professor's brother. He's carrying a body bag.

Professor's Brother: "It's me sir. One of you're fellow scientists down at the lab."

Mabutu: "Well, that still does not explain why you decided to wake me up at this time of night!

Professor's Brother: "Trust me, this is important!"

The professor's brother walks into the house and lays the body bag on a table.

Mabutu: "Now, what is this?"

Professor's Brother: "I believe my brother's been having a little too much fun lately."

He opens up the body bag. The dead redback hatchling is in it.

Mabutu: "Oh my science! Is it even possible!? A live Ankylosaurus!"

Professor's Brother: "Heh. Well, I wouldn't exactly call it live."

Mabutu: "It's in such good condition. It must have died just recently. Amazing!"

Professor's Brother: "I know, right? Can things possibly get any better?"

Mabutu: "So, what's going to happen now, young lad?"

Professor's Brother: "I suppose you're going to take this marvelous beast to the labs for your research, right?"

Mabutu: "Ah, you know me too well!"

Professor's Brother: "I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun with that."

He turns to walk out the door.

Professor's Brother: "I, on the other hand, have a runaway man to find!"

TO BE CONTINUED
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on November 12, 2011, 12:06:09 AM
Yeah, really sorry for being so late with this. :(

At least, here it is now. I'll really try to have the finale done for next Friday, but no promises.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 29 - The Farwalker's World Part 3

It's Back to the Future all Over Again!

Scene: A street in the Great Valley Town.

The Gang walks up another street, tired and discouraged.

Ducky: "We have been walking around all night, and yet, we have not found anything, no."

Chomper: "Wait, there's something over there!"

Chomper runs up to a dead possum in the middle of the road, killed by a passing car.

Littlefoot takes a little closer looks then backs away.

Littlefoot: "Eh, not really something I enjoy looking at."

Ducky: "Oh, poor thing."

Ruby: "I wonder what happened."

Petrie: "Me hope whatever happen to him don't happen to us!"

Not able to look at the roadkill anymore, Littlefoot takes a good look around himself.

Littlefoot: "Hey guys...doesn't this place look a little...familiar?"

Ducky: "What do you mean, Littlefoot?"

Littlefoot: "I mean, just look around. Those big rocky walls all around us in the distance, and that pond over there. Oh, and look way over there. Is that Saurus Rock?"

Littlefoot points his tail off in the distance, to a rock that resembles a longneck. A jet takes off from the peak of the formation.

Chomper: "Wow, what was that?"

Petrie: "Look like a flyer...me guess."

Chomper walks off a ways from the rest of the group.

Littelfoot:  "Is this...the Great Valley?"

Cera: "WHAT!? When we find the Professor again, we need to get him to check your eyes!"

Ruby: "No, wait, Littlefoot might be on to something! I mean, this place does look like the Great Valley in a way, even if there's also a lot of things that you'd never see in the Great Valley."

Ducky: "But...if this IS the great valley, where is everyone?"

Cera takes a look around, noticing the roadkill from before is gone.

Cera: "Hey, speaking of where is everyone, where'd that fuzzy go?"

Camera pans out to show Chomper, sucking up the tail of the pussum that's in his jaws. His back is turned to the rest of the Gang.

Littlefoot: "Hey, Chomper?"

Chomper's eyes shoot wide open.

Chomper: "Uh...yes?"

Littlefoot: "Do you know where that fuzzy went?"

Chomper: "What fuzzy?"

Ruby: "The one that was just here."

Chomper: "There wasn't a fuzzy there."

Petrie: "Yes there was."

Chomper: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Cera: "You wanna know what I think? I think Chomper just went and...

Littlefoot: "Let's just drop it, everyone. We've got more important things to worry about right now.

Cera: "Humpth!"

Most of the Gang starts to walk off, while Chomper stays behind for a bit.

Chomper: "Whew, that was close. At least I got nothing else to worry about right now.

The little sharptooth takes off after the rest of the group. The shadow of a human sticks his head out of the side of a nearby building. It's the Professor's brother. He walks out from behind the building, following the Gang.

Scene: A different street in the city.

Two shadows run along a building wall. one of the figures stops for breath, and the other comes back to tend to him.

Female Rainbowface: "Hey, what's the holdup?"

Professor: Breathing heavily. "Oh, it's just I'm not as spry as I used to be."

Female Rainbowface: "Happens to the best of us."

Professor: "I wonder... could I perhaps ride on your back?"

Female Rainbowface: "Why, the nerve! I'm not just some animal for you to saddle up on!"

Professor: Sighs. "Well, it was worth a try."

Female Rainbowface: "Hurry up, you! We have to find my partner before he does something rash!"

The female rainbowface starts to rush ahead, leaving the Professor in the dust.

Professor: "Wait! I can't keep up!"

The female stops in her tracks again.

Female Rainbowface: Sighs. "My, no wonder your kind needs this technology. Your all just some carnivore's chew toys without it!"

Professor: "Please, I need a ride. I just can't keep up with you!"

Female Rainbowface: "Fine. I suppose you can hop on."

The Professor climps up on the dinosaurs back before she rushes off.

Professor: "Oowehehe!"

Female Rainbowface: "Ugh, how demeaning!"

Scene: The labs.

A giant freezer door opens, and a body bag flies into it. The view switches to show doctor Mabutu closing the massive door.

Mabutu: beathing heavily. "Ah, now that takes care of that."

The old scientist walks out of the room into the hallway, when loud knocks come from the front doors of that laboratory.

Mabutu: "Again? Hmm, wonder who it could be at this time of night?"

Mabutu comes to the front doors.

Mabutu: "Yes? Who is it?"

There's no answer.

Mabutu: "If you want in, you'll have to tell me your reason for being here!"

Still no answer.

Mabutu: "My, that is odd."

He slowloy pushes the front door open and peeks outside, only to find no one.

Mabutu: "Hello? Anyone here?"

From the side, a dark figure rushes over and tackles the old doctor. The two faces meet, and Mabutu yells in terror. It's the male rainbowface that's on top of him!

------------------------------<Commercail break>--------------------------------

Scene: Outside the labs.

Outside the laboratory, Mabutu lays on the ground, with the male rainbowface over him.

Mabutu: "Someone! Help! Some beast's trying to eat me!"

The male rainbowface holds down MAbutu with one hand while he uses his otehr one to adjust the communicator on his arm. He speaks, and his voices starts to change from an ape voice, to a dolphin, then a bear, and then to a dog. He then suddenly lets out a loud sharptooth roar.

Mabutu: "Ahh!"

Finally, the dinosaur lets out a discerable voice.

Male Rainbowface: "you hear me now?"

Mabutu: gasps. "Did you just speak?"

Male Rainbowface: "So this thing DOES work. I was bigginning to doubt it."

the dinosaur clears his throat.

Male Rainbowface: "Anyway... who are you!?"

Mabutuo: "What are you talking about?"

Male Rainbowface: "Don't play dumb with me! I found one of your kind, and somehow, he led me here. I just want to know where here is!"

Mabutu: "I still have no idea what you're talking about. I should be the one asking what you're doing here!"

Male Rainbowface: "I'll ask again. Tell me about this place."

Mabutu: "Just leave me be!"

Male Rainbowface: "I came here to learn what I can, and I've worked too hard to just go home empty handed now! Tell me what you know!"

Mabutu: "I keep saying no!"

Scene: A street in the city.

The Gang walks along the street, growing discouraged.

Cera: "We're never gonna find anyone, are we."

Ducky: "Do not say that, Cera. Someone will show up. I am sure of it."

A few silent steps are heard.

Chomper: "Hey, you guys hear something?"

Petrie: "Ooh, sounds spooky!"

Littlefoot: "who's there?"

...Silence.

Littlefoot: "Hmm, weird."

Petrie: "Me wanna go home now!"

Cera: "Aw, you're all just a bunch of babies! It's probably just another fuzzy or something."

A shadow runs between an alleyway in front of the Gang.

Littelfoot: "Wh...who is it?"

Cera: "See those pricklies at the top? I'm telling you, it's jsut some little fuzzy."

The Professor's brother steps out into the light slowly.

Ruby: "It might be a fuzzy, but not the kind your thinking of!"

Littlefoot: "It's a human!"

Chomper: "What's a human?"

Littlefoot: "It's whatever the Professor is!"

The human speaks, but the dinosaurs only hear it as an monkey's voice.

Ducky: "What is he saying?"

Ruby: "No idea."

Littlefoot: "Do you think he's friendly?"

Cera: "I say we run!"

Cera turns tail and bolts, while the Professor's brother speaks up again. He's still approaching.

Littlefoot: "I think Cera has the right idea. Run!"

The Gang bolts off. The human slaps his forehead, and start chasing after them. The Gang runs down a dimly lit street. They come up to a fork in the road. Directly ahead of them is a brick building wall with anotehr strange figured shadow on it.

Petrie: "Not another one!"

Chomper: "Are they hungry?"

Littlefoot screeches to a halt. The rest of the group keeps going and crashes into him in a large pile. The figure ahead of the comes forward.

Littlefoot: "It's coming for us!"

Ducky: Looking behind. "The other one is coming for us too, no no no!"

Littlefoot squints his eyes to see the firgure hes looking at is acvtually two people. A human riding on top of a rainbowface.

Littlefoot: "Hey look, it's the Professor!"

Professor: "My oh my, you've all been here too?"

Female Rainbowface: "It's worse than I thought!"

Littlefoot: "What's going on Professor? Some human's after us!"

Professor: "Who?"

Suddenly, the dark figure runs up and stops in front of the group.

Professor: "Br...brother?"

Chomper: "Brother? This thing is your brother?"

Professor: "Yes, he's my brother, and he's not a thing! Excuse me a moment. I need to have a little talk, in private. Um, here. Take this, Ducky."

The Professor takes off his communicator and hands it off to Ducky. He steps foward and confronts his brother.

Professor's Brother: "Ah, so the looney has returned!"

Professor: "I keep telling you. I'm not a looney!"

Professor's Brother: "No, just a crazy old mad scientist! I still don't get why you had the gall to leave yesterday."

Professor: "I'm not mad! Wait, what about yesterday? I've been gone for months!"

Professor's Brother: "Heh, I guess time traveling does that sometimes, but you left this time only about 12 hours ago! No one knows what really happened yet. I just told them you ran away."

He glances behind the Professor.

Professor's Brother: "So, what about these creatures?"

Professor: "Oh, they just kind of came along for the ride, it seems."

Professor's Brother: "They seem kind of spooked."

Professor: "They're a little skittish, yes."

Professor's Brother: "How did you get them to be so calm around you?"

Professor: "I talk to em, of course. Remember that little old universal translater you put together a few years ago?"

Professor: "Really? Sorry, forgot about that thing, bro. You think I could talk to them?"

Professor: "I suppose. I've got a million of these things lying around."

The Professor turns around to face the gang, grabbing the communicator from Ducky for a moment. He takes his backpack off and digs around in it.

Professor: "Alrgiht, Gang. I think I'll jsut give everyone one of these so we can understand eachother better."

The Professor takes several communicators and starts putting them on the different dinosaurs. He puts one on Spike, who opens his mouth to speak.

Professor: "Whoopsie!"

He quickly pulls it off of Spike again. A short and sad violin tune plays while Spike sighs.

Professor: "There we go."

Professor's Brother: "Ah, and I see you have a rather young Apatosaurus with you!"

Littlefoot: "I'm not a Apatorsaurus. I'm a brontasaurus!"

Professor's Brother: "Hmm, where did you get THAT idea from?"

Littlefoot: "Well, the Professor here told me so!"

Professor's Brother: "Heheh. Don't you know that name's been abondoned for years, bro?"

Professor: "Well, no. I didn't."

Professor's Brother: "What else did he get wrong, little dinosaur?"

Littlefoot: "Well, he thought at the last cold times that we would all freeze to death!"

Professor's Brother: "So, he thought you were all cold-blooded?"

Littlefoot: "Oh yeah! That's the word he used!"

The Professor's Brother bursts out laughing.

Professor's Brother: "Don't you know ANYTHING about the dinosaurs, bro?"

Professor: "Oh come on! Those are two easy mistakes to make! Besides, what do I look like to you, a Paleo-nut!?"

Female Rainbowface: "So, what are we to do now?"

A scream is heard in the distance.

Petrie: "What that?"

Professor: Gasps. "It's the doctor!"

-------------------------------<Commercial break>-------------------------------

Scene: Outside the labs.

The Gang's group walks up to the large building.

Professor: "Ah, the good old HAL Labs!. This brings back memories!"

Professor's Brother: "No time for that. I think the docter is in trouble!"

Littlefoot: "Who's this...docter?"

Professor: "er, you mean Mabutu? He's just the one that runs this place."

Ruby: "He runs a cave? That doesn't make much sense."

Professor: "First off, this isn't a cave. And second off, th

Professor's Brother: "Would you all shut it? We've got to see what's going on in there!"

Petrie: "Even here, me have to go in spooky caves. Why me!?"

Scene: Inside the labs.

Camera pans along the dark hallway.

Mabutu: "I ain't about to tell you what that doohicky does!"

Camera pans through an open door into a testing room, where the rainbowface and docter are at. Mabutu is strapped up in a chair, while the dinosaur pases around the room, pointing at all of the machinery.

Male Rainbowface: "And what about this thing?"

Mabutu just stares at him.

Male Rainbowface: "This?"

The human remains silent.

Male Rainbowface: "Hmm, this doesn't seem to be working. What else can I try?"

Mabutu puts his feet to the ground, and starts to slowly waddle off. The rainbowface looks back and notices.

Male Rainbowface: "Hey, what are you doing? Don't try running off now!"

Mabutu: "Leave me alone, monster!"

Male Rainbowface: "The nerve! I just want to know what some of this marvelous garbage is!"

Mabutu: "Why should I tell you a blasted thing? All you've done is barge into this lab, hold me down, parade me around like a mad experiment, and demand everything I know! Also, you're just not a very friendly chap!"

Male Rainbowface: "I actually am a pretty friendly chap, as you put it, I've tried for a long time to do this the friendly and passive way. Tried playing by the rules. Sticking to procedure to a T, but that just doesn't work. I never got done what I wanted to get done. They sent me to this same planet 3 times now, and every time, it was always 'oh, don't touch a thing' or 'we have to keep this place natural' or some other petty excuse. I hungered for more knowledge!"

Mabutu: "Forbidden fruit?"

Male Rainbowface: "Hrm? Anyway, I hungered for knowledge, so I found I had to bend the rules.

Mabutu: "I hope this means your the only one like this then."

Male Rainbowface: "I'll admit, I might have gone a little far this time, but just look where it's gotten me; a marvelous little society, with a rich culture and history! I'm sure I'll enjoy learning about this place, even if it is primitive.

Mabutu: "Who you calling primitive?"

Scene: A hallway in the labs.

The two professors run down the hallway, followed by the female rainbowface and the Gang.

Female Rainbowface: "I think I hear them from over in this room."

The Professor's brother quickly unlocks the door, and everyone rushes in to find the male rainbowface and docter Mabutu.

Mabutu: "Now what in Hannah Valley is all this ruckus?"

Male Rainbowface: Gasps. "It's you!"

Female Rainbowface: "What has gotten into you?"

the male rainbowface takes a step back.

Male Rainbowface: "Uh, look. It's not as bad as it looks."

Female Rainbowface: "How could you?"

Male Rainbowface: "Please, let me explain..."

Mabutu: "My oh my, more monsters! P...Professor! What's going on!?"

Female Rainbowface: "Quiet you!"

The old docter shuts his mouth.

Female Rainbowface: "We've got a LONG talk ahead of us, but not now. We have to get out of here!"

Male Rainbowface: "But...but..."

The female gives a stern look.

Male Rainbowface: "Oh...alright."

Female Rainbowface: "Everyone, come forth! We must get out of this place!"

The whole group rushes out of the door, then down the hallway, then out of the entrane way of the laboratories.

Littlefoot: "At least everyone's okay now!"

Camera moves back into the labs, down the hallway, and into the testing room to show poor docter Mabutu still tied up. He works the knots in his rope and gets up. He rushes over to a phone on the wall and screams into it.

Mabutu: "EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!"

Scene: Another deserted city street.

Littlefoot: "Well, everything turned out all right in the end. We found everyone."

Professor: "Heheh, Got egg brain out of trouble!"

Male Rainbowface: "Hey!"

Ducky: "And Chomper did not eat anyone, nope!"

Female Rainbowface: "But, we have another problem."

Littlefoot: "What?"

Female Rainbowface: "theres still the same problem we started with! The matter of how to get back home."

Littlefoot: "Oh yeah."

Professor: "Hmm, thought we'd be done by now. Guess we're not done just yet."

TO BE CONTINUED
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on December 16, 2011, 11:17:22 PM
Episode 30 - The Farwalker's World Part 4

That redback hatchling will make a very nice museum display!

Scene: Outside of the labs.

The front door opens, and Doctor Mabutu comes out, carried by two people dressed as police officers.

Mabutu: Wait, stop it! We have to stop him!"

Officer #1: Don't worry doctor, we'll make the bad dinosaur go away."

The two officers hurl Mabutu into the back of a van and close the door. As they drive off, the camera shows the back door, which has Hannah Valley Psychological Correction Facility" painted on it.

Scene: Outside of the cave the Professor and the two rainbowfaces were in before.

Littlefoot is sitting outside, looking up into the night sky. The female rainbowface walks out of the cave and up to the little longneck.

Female Rainbowface: "What are you doing out here, little one?"

Littlefoot: "Hmm? Oh, just thinking.

The longneck pauses for a moment, before turning to the rainbowface

Littlefoot: "So, what do you think of this place?"

Female Rainbowface: "A little strange, but quite familiar as well."

Littlefoot: "What do you mean?"

Female Rainbowface: "I might have just said too much."

Littlefoot: "Said too much?"

Female Rainbowface: "Well, you know, we've been mysterious...Wouldn't be fair if we spoiled too much of it, would it?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

Female Rainbowface: "Would you like to go in and see what's up with the others?"

Littlefoot: "Sure."

Littlefoot and the female rainbowface walk into the cavernous room to see the Professor and the male rainbowface at each others' throats yet again.

Female Rainbowface: "Ugh. What is it this time?"

Professor: "You see what he was doing to that poor man? He had Mabutu all tied up!"

Male Rainbowface: "Well, he was just as stubborn as you!"

Professor: "Stop getting in my way and help us get back!"

Male Rainbowface: "No, you get out of my way and help us get back!"

Female Rainbowface: "Would you two just listen to yourselves!? You're both acting like a bunch of hatchlings!"

Professor: "Well, I'm just trying to help us!"

Male Rainbowface: "I am as well!"

Littlefoot: "I don't think it's that. Well, not anymore. Now it just seems like you're trying to get the better of each other. All you're doing is fighting for no reason."

Professor's Brother: "Yes, you're both acting like two brothers trying to one-up each other. Reminds me of the good old days."

Cera: "I remember Daddy acting like this once. Just arguing with some other loud-mouthed threehorn about whose horns were bigger."

Male Rainbowface: "Has it really come to that?"

Professor: "Are we just trying to show off now? Like some testosterone pumped alpha males or something?"

Ruby: "No idea what you're talking about Professor, but I'd say yes."

Professor's Brother: "Well, I see the portal still there from when you came here. Why didn't you turn it off afterwords, bro?"

Professor: "Heheh. Well, the device kind of got...crushed."

The Professor digs the broken time travel device out of his pockets.

Professor's Brother: "What the blast did you do to it?"

Professor: "Got it smothered under a dinosaur."

Male Rainbowface: "Yeah, my bad."

Professor's Brother "Then I guess you all know what that means."

Littlefoot: "I can guess. Well, no, I can't"

Professor's Brother: "Your only way home is right above us. Don't know why you all haven't been trying so hard to get back."

Female Rainbowface: "That's what I've been saying the whole time!"

Professor's Brother: "Of course, if you all want to stay here, that's fine by me. There's a lot we could learn from ya."

Professor: "Uh, I don't think you'd want to be his test subjects!"

Littlefoot: "This place is really interesting. Really, it is, but I'm really missing my folks back home."

Ducky: "Oh, me too, yup, yup, yup."

Petrie: "Me three."

Ruby: "Only problem is, how do we even get up there?"

Cera: "We've been over this before. There's no way to get up there."

Petrie: "Well, me could fly up there."

Cera: "What about us, flyer?"

Petrie: "It not me problem you never learn to fly."

Cera: "Then that's that. There's no way for us to fly up there."

Professor: "Hmm. Perhaps there is a way!"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: Outside a completely new building.

The Gang, Professor, and the aliens walk out from behind an alleyway to the entrance of this new building.

Professor: "Finally. Here we are!"

Ruby: "Well, now we're here, but where is here?"

Professor's Brother: "The Hannah Valley Airport main building of course."

Professor: "Oh yes. We have this, because it's so hard to get in here on foot or road.

Professor's Brother: "It's what you get for living in a nearly impenetrable valley, I guess."

Littlefoot: "What are you two talking about now?"

Professor: "It'd take too long to explain. Right now, we need to break into there somehow to catch a ride!"

The Professor runs off towards the building.

Professor: "Come on!"

The Gang and the rainbowfaces follow the Professor, while his brother stays behind.

Professor's Brother: "Break in?"

Scene: Inside the airport, in a hallway.

The Gang, the Professor, and the rainbowfaces are walking down the hall.

Littlefoot: "Where are we going?"

Professor: "We're going to where she is?"

Ducky: "A she?"

Ruby: "Who?"

Professor: "My ship."

Chomper: "What?"

The Professor suddenly stops in his tracks, holding his arm out to the side to keep the others behind him at bay.

Male Rainbowface: "What now?"

Professor: "There's a guard ahead."

Female Rainbowface: "What do you suggest we do now?"

Chomper: "I know! I'll just scare him away!"

Professor: "Uh, Chomper, I don't think that would be a good idea."

Chomper: "What are you talking about? It's a great idea!"

Professor: "But...he has a gun, and..."

Chomper: "Here I go!"

Chomper rushes out towards the guard.

Professor: "Chomper!"

Littlefoot: "Wait!"

Chomper looks menacing as he stomps up to the human guard. The guard gets shaky, then turns around and runs off, dropping his gun.

Guard: "S...save em yourselves! I'm oughta here!"

Littlefoot: "Wow, what a coward."

Professor: "...wow, didn't think that would work."

The Gang and the old man walk up to the double doors.

Professor: "Here we are then. Should be just beyond these doors.

Professor's Brother: "Ah, you're finaly here, my brother. What took you so long?"

Professor: "What do you mean? We had to break in. How'd you get here so fast?"

Professor's Brother: "Hmm, maybe you've forgotten that this is my airport."

The Professor's brother reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a set of keys. The Professor slaps his forehead.

Scene: Inside the ship hanger.

Professor: "Ah, she's still here!"

Littlefoot: "Who's still here?"

Professor: "Why, she is! Right here!"

The Professor stops in front of a spaceship (Resembling the Planet Express ship from Futurama). The Gang stand back, looking scared.

Littlefoot: "Wh...who is THAT!?"

Professor: "Why, this is my spaceship, of course! The good old series!"

Cera: "What?"

Petrie: "It a flyer?"

Professor: "Oh my no, but it can fly!"

Professor's Brother: "You'll need the key, of course."

Professor: "Gimme!"

The Professor grabs the keys out of his brother's hands, while The brother pulls out a small device, and pushes a button on it. The ship lowers a ramp, spooking the dinosaurs.

Ruby: "What is going on?"

Ducky: "Oh no, it is going to eat us!"

Professor: Laughs. "It's not going to eat you, hatchlings!"

Littlefoot: "It's not?"

Professor's Brother: "No, of course not. Now, so long."

Professor: "So long? You're not coming with us?"

Professor's Brother: "No, of course not. I've got too much here to live for. Kinda surprising you're going though; why?"

Professor: "Well, I guess I... hmm, I don't really know."

Professor's Brother: "Then stay here!"

Professor: "No, I can't do that. I... well, I have to at least make sure this little gang of dinosaurs gets back to their home."

Professor's Brother: "Suit yourself then."

The brother walks off, exiting the room, while the Professor looks on.

Littlefoot: "Something wrong, Professor? You seem kinda down."

Professor: "...No. I'll be okay."

Chomper: "So, what now?"

Professor: "Now we go back home. Everyone just walk up in there and we'll..."

Cera: "Oh no, I'm not walking into something's mouth!"

Professor: "Oh yes you are!"

Cera: "No I'm not!"

Professor: "It's the only way to get home!"

Cera: "No!"

The Professor walks over to the side, and picks up a pointy stick.

Professor: "Hmm, I could use this as a cattle prod I suppose."

Littlefoot: "What is that?"

Cera: "And how is that going to..."

The Professor pokes Cera with the stick.

Cera: "OW!!!"

Professor: "GET IN THERE!!!"

The dinosaurs and the Professor rush up the ramp into the ship. They make it into a large control room inside. The Professor runs over to a chair in the center of the room and sits down.

Professor: "Alright. Let's see if I can remember how to fly this darn thing! Ducky, push that big red button over there."

Ducky: "Okay, Professor!"

Ducky climbs up to a control panel on the left side of the room, and jumps on the red button. An alarm sounds, and water starts shooting out of the ceiling.

Professor: "No, the other big red button!"

Chomper, who's standing on the floor next to Ducky, mashes the other button down. The ship starts to shake.

Professor: "Ahh, listen to that purr!"

Petrie: "Oh no, she angry like smoky mountain!"

Professor: "Don't worry, little flyer; it'll be fine."

The roof of the hanger slips open, revealing the night sky. while the ship starts to shake harder.

Professor: "...might want to grab a chair though."

Littlefoot: "Grab a what?"

The ship takes off. The force pushes the Professor back in his seat. Everyone else gets pushed to the back wall of the ship, piling up on top of each other.

Ducky: "Oof. Get off of me, Spike."

Petrie: "After you get off of me."

The initial momentum wears off, and the dinosaurs slide off of the back wall onto the floor.

Professor: "She handles just like I remembered."

Littlefoot walks up to the side window and gazes out.

Littlefoot: "Hey everyone, look at this!"

The rest of the Gang run up to the window.

Petrie: "Wow, we up high!"

Cera groans worriedly as she looks out the window, then turns around.

Professor: "Here comes the hole!"

Littlefoot: "Let's do this. Let's get back home!"

The ship flies forward, straight into the time portal, which disappears after the ship vanishes inside of it.

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley, at night.

Camera shows the entire valley. It then zooms in and pans over to the Professor's cave. The ship is parked, hidden rather badly behind a tiny fern. The Professor sits on a small rock, looking down. Littlefoot and the rest of the Gang walk up to him.

Littlefoot: "...Professor?"

Professor: "Oh, I'm horrible! Simply horrible!"

Ruby: "What do you mean?"

Professor: "I've...just been a real jerk this whole time, haven't I? Just doing whatever I wanted to do, when you were all in danger of never seeing your home again.

Ducky: "Do not be so hard on yourself, Professor."

Professor: "And on top of that, I've been living a huge lie. All of this time, I've been lying to all of you! That place that we were at was actually...

Littlefoot: "...The Great Valley?"

Professor: "Oh my yes, it was...in a way."

Cera: "Really?"

Professor: "...I don't deserve this. I don't deserve any of this! Chomper, just end it. Just eat me already!"

Chomper: Laughs. "I'm not going to eat you, Professor!"

Professor: "You won't?

Chomper: "Nope! Besides, I'm not hungry anyway."

Cera: "I knew it!"

Professor: "But, I'm a disgrace! I'm worse than that old Pterano!"

Male Rainbowface: "That's not the way I see it."

Professor: "Eh...wha?"

Male Rainbowface: "I see a creature who's come from a very different...place. A culture that's not doing too well. You've tried to better yourself by coming here."

Littlefoot: "Yeah. YEAH! That's right. You've come from a kind that's done a lot of bad things...but, you've come here to try to be a better person! Since you've been here, I've seen a kind and helpful...human, that really cares about us!"

Chomper: "You're kind of like me, Professor! I came from a kind that's notorious for not being nice."

Cera: "Yeah, for being mean!"

Chomper: "Yeah!"

Cera: "And brutal!"

Chomper: "Yeah!"

Cera: "And uncaring!"

Chomper: "...uh..."

Cera: "And evil! And bloodthirsty! And..."

Chomper: "Cera! Knock it off already!"

Cera: "Humpth!"

Chomper: "Anyway, you've tried to be nice and live with kinds you're not suppose to live with, like I'm doing!"

The female rainbowfaces walk up to join the group.

Female Rainbowface: "Greetings, everyone!"

Littlefoot: "Oh, hello! Didn't think I'd see you again."

Cera: "What are you here for?"

Female Rainbowface: "Just saying goodbye, is all."

Ruby: "You mean you're both leaving?"

Female Rainbowface: "Well, I'm leaving."

Professor: Looking at the male rainbowface. "And what about you?"

Male Rainbowface: "Well, seeing as how I acted this past day, and how much the council didn't like..."

Female Rainbowface: "Uh-hum!"

Male Rainbowface: "Oh...right, right. Well, suffice it to say, I'm going to be staying behind. I'm not going back."

Professor: "I'm sorry to hear that."

A sky stone shoots across the sky as the female rainbowface steps back a bit from the group.

Female Rainbowface: "Welp, this is it. It's been nice getting to see all of you again."

A beam of light comes out of the sky, engulfing the rainbowface. She disappears with the light.

Male Rainbowface: "Goodbye...sis."

Cera: Dumbfounded. "Did you just see that?"

Littlefoot: "Hmm, just like the other times."

Chomper: "So, where are you gonna go, Mr. Rainbowface? What are you gonna do?"

Male Rainbowface: "I don't know. Probably stay in this valley here, since it's safe."

Littlefoot: "That's a great idea! You could even make your own nest here!"

Male Rainbowface: "Heheh, I don't think a nest would quite work out for me. Hmm, perhaps I could move in with the Professor?"

Professor: "WHAT!?"

END

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I'll see you sometime in a few months with season 3! For now, I'm switching to a new writing project while writing season 3 and going over the first season again. Hope you guys like this new little project of mine. :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mama's Girl on December 27, 2011, 10:52:11 PM
Not sure where or if I have a review for the first few episodes, but I've made my way thorough season 1 at least. Told you I was behind. For an  all encompassing review though, I won't bother with the grammar as it's been touched on and you said you were revamping anyway. Plot wise though I enjoyed it and the progression of Chomper and the professor "coming to terms".

Of course the finale has the big grand exit just befitting it, and I like that, but in the between episodes it was interesting with the professor trying to tell...well avoid really, but still showing certain things of his world to the kids, like iron ore and his comm thingy. And of course the rainbow faces are "onto him" :-)

Well I shall move onto season two as I can and probably do the same big review thingy for that too :-) Sorry again even this took so long

Oh, and of course, before I forget to mention, the tie in between the "sharptooth tale" here of what Chomper did and the mention in your other story! Very cool!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mama's Girl on January 07, 2012, 02:20:20 AM
Well, I finished season two as well. I know others have said this, but I really do think you're hitting you stride in writing this and it went better in season two. Not that the first season was bad, but between the further info on the professor as well as interesting side plots that are touching and funny, I found myself really enjoying it.

Nice to see the gang both realizing and saying what the Professor has come to mean to them, as well as, of course, getting to find out more of who the Professor is and what brought him there.

I also enjoyed the just sort of side stories, but believable ones, on the tinysaurus having to hide from Chomper and such and, as well as further info on Cutter and these mean brothers of his.

and yeah I can see how the Professor getting more acceptance from the group than Pterano does would not sit well (banishing after finding out he's a meat eater aside), but at least it eventually came.

I also liked the finale and seeing even more of these humans associated with the Professo, as well as bringing in some tension with and developing the Rainbow Faces whole plot point.

Although you could make a point for changed geography, I sort of like the place still holding reminders of the Great Valley.

Well, so much as happened I don't even have a clue what you have planned for the next season plotwise :) but I look forward to it when you do return to this.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on February 04, 2012, 09:48:52 PM
Thanks for your reviews, Mama's Girl :)

Writing season 3 has been taking a LONG time so far. I've also gotten behind on my movie script story, and I'd still like to finish that before starting the new season. I'll just say that season 3 probably won't be coming till the summer.

I'm planning on having 20 episodes this season. Whenever I get closer to being ready, I'll post the titles of all of them, so people can start thinking about what's coming up. :)

Thanks everyone who's been keeping up with my little fanfiction. I didn't think I'd get this far when I started, but I'm glad I'm still working on it. It's tons of fun.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mama's Girl on February 05, 2012, 05:27:37 PM
Yeah, I understand how that goes, with time and all. No worries, take as long as you need and I'll read either this or your other story when you get updates up. :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on March 15, 2012, 07:43:21 PM
Okay, an update.

As you know, about a month ago, my computer melted, and I lost some of my writing work. I'm just deciding to leave my computer alone. (I;m done with tryign to fix that piece of scrap metal! :anger ) I'm gonna just re-write whatever I had done at that point, and keep working on my writing.

I've also been re-wroking season 1 of Past-O-Rama, and working on that movie script. I think I'll put that one on hold for a bit, as I don't really feel like writing it right now.

I still don't have a date that I'll start season 3. (Though, Still trying for the summer) I'm gonna go ahead an put that title's of all 20 episodes I'll have this season.

Episode 31 - Not Without my Eggs Part 1
Episode 32 - Not Without my Eggs Part 2
Episode 33 - Veal and Friends
Episode 34 - Always the same Ham
Episode 35 - The Good, The Bad, and the Just Plain Mad
Episode 36 - Invasion of the Little Biters
Episode 37 - Indecision 100.000.012 B.C.
Episode 38 - Sweet Dreams
Episode 39 - Where No Gang has Gone Before Part 1
Episode 40 - Where No Gang has Gone Before Part 2
Episode 41 - Valley of the Dead
Episode 42 - By the Skin of my Teeth!
Episode 43 - Find... That... Stone!
Episode 44 - Bones!
Episode 45 - Live Like Your Dying
Episode 46 - Anthology of Interest
Episode 47 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 1
Episode 48 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 2
Episode 49 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 3
Episode 50 - The Future that Chomps Behind Part 4

I'll just try this. Every member can pick ONE of these episodes, and I'll write a synoptsis for it, so you know more about it. So, pick somethin' already! :p

Edit: Fixed a million and two typos.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: brekclub85 on March 15, 2012, 09:35:29 PM
Episode 33 has caught my interest! :-)

BTW, my 11,00th post!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: trulyfantasticme on April 11, 2012, 12:58:59 AM
I'd like to know about Valley of the PINGA-i mean Dead.  :lol

What? You KNOW I can't resist that stuff!  :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on May 04, 2012, 10:27:39 PM
Sorry for being so late on this guys. I"ve said why in that other thread, so I"ll just get right to business here.

Quote
Episode 33 has caught my interest! :-)

In that one, Chomper's going back to see his parents, do to an unfortunate event. The Gang will learn about the Sharptooth Code, and also, Chomper's gonna get missed up in another group of young sharpteeth, one that has a weird obsession. :lol

Quote
I'd like to know about Valley of the PINGA-i mean Dead. :lol

The Gang decide to dig up some dirt on Mr. Thicknose; literally. After hearing a shocking story about the aged creature, they set out to a place called the "Valley of the Dead" to see if they can find out anything about his past.

I'll do more little previews, if anyone asks for them.

I would like to start this up before the end of May, but no promises on that front. I'm thinking a once a week timescale going for Mayish to Octoberish. I'll get back to you later when I get it better sorted out.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Jrd89 on May 05, 2012, 12:31:45 AM
I'd like to know more about the episode "Sweet Dreams" Vonboy.  ;)  It has a nice, friendly-sounding title to it. I'm curious.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: The Chronicler on May 06, 2012, 07:30:16 PM
That two-parter in the middle (episodes 39 & 40) seems interesting to me. I wonder what that one will be about.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 01, 2012, 09:37:06 PM
Alright, I'm gonna start posting these episodes up next Friday, the 8th. If I go at 1 episode a week, I should be putting the last episode up on October 19th.

The First episode is a two parter, where Ozzy and Strut make another egg visit to the Great Valley. The Gang isn't around that night (They're still busy with something from season 2 :DD), so someone else has to take up the task.

Sorry for taking so Long Chronicler, but here's a description for you.

I'll tell you right off the bat that the rainbowfaces aren't involved in this, if you were hoping for that. After a trip on the Professor's new ship goes horribly wrong, the Gang, and another gang, get marooned on a strange island, with an even stranger resident.

I'll see you all next week. :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mama's Girl on June 02, 2012, 08:11:01 PM
Well, I've been keeping quiet on which episode I was curious about myself, but through your explinations some things are cleared up a bit ;) and sound like they will be great. Can't wait to read your whole series and no worries on the pause, you've hooked me too well to let up reading now no matter how long it takes :D

So, yay for Fri update! But I won't harass you with PMs if it's late either ;)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on June 08, 2012, 11:50:38 PM
Episode 31 - Not Without my Eggs!

The egg puns are as eggcruciating as ever!

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Great Meeting Circle. It's the middle of the night

The dinosaurs are all gathered around the Great Circle. The noises of murmurings and arguing can be heard. Bron takes a step up in front of the group.

Bron: "Quiet! Quiet down everyone!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Humpth! What's it this time?"

Bron: "It would appear Mr. Thicknose has something to tell us."

Mrs. Swimmer: "Really? What?

Mr. Thicknose walks up to the front of the congregation.

Mr. Thicknose: "Something truly... strange has just happened!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Is this gonna be another silly little hatchling story?"

Bron: "Topsy! I said quiet down!"

Mr.Threehorn: "Humpth!"

Bron: (Sighs) "Sorry about that. Just tell us what's going on.

Mr. Thicknose: "Well, haven't you noticed? Some of our young ones are missing again!"

Bron: "Yeah, the same ones."

Mr. Thicknose: "But Bron, one of them if your son!"

Mr. Threehorn: "He's getting them in trouble all the time! Why, I should give that little crazyneck a piece of my..."

Bron: "Put a foot in it, Threehorn!"

Mr. Thicknose: "Come on, we have to do something!"

Bron: "I'm not TOO concerned over that yet, since they do it all the time anyway."

Mr. Thicknose: Listen to yourself, Bron. You've gone mad!"

Bron: "Who's gone mad? If we got in a hustle every other night when that same group of kids runs off somewhere, we'd all lose our minds! Let's just wait till tomorrow, and if they're still not back ,we'll do something then."

Mr. Thicknose: "You might need to be a little more concerned this time, though."

Bron: "Why is that?"

Mr. Thicknose: "Because I saw them just disappear out of thin air!"

Most of the adults gasp.

Mrs. Flyer: "How?"

Mr. Thicknose: "I'm really not sure. They were with that old Professor, and those two rainbowface fellows. A bright light appeared, and they simply vanished!"

Mr. Threehorn: "Oh, come on! What a load of domehead wash!"

Mr. Thicknose: "No, it really happened! I saw it with my own eyes!"

Mr. Threehorn: "You really expect us to believe that?"

Mr. Thicknose: "Well..."

Some Spiketail: "That's a really tall tail you got there, big guy!"

Everyone breaks out laughing.

Mr. Threehorn: "You're always seeing things, old creature!"

Hyp's Father: "I sure hope you haven't been telling the kids this stuff. No wonder they're off somewhere! Remind me to never have Hyp speak to you again, oaky?

Bron: "Oh, Sorry for wasting your time, everyone. Let's just head back to our nests."

The group starts to break up. Grandma Longneck walks up to Mr. Thicknose, who is holding his head down low to the ground, and not even looking up at the old longneck.

Mr. Thocknose: "But...But I know I saw it happen. I know what I saw. You have to believe me, right? ...Grandma?"

She stands there, staring at the poor soul, (Long, drawn out sigh).

Grandma Longneck: "Please get some sleep tonight, Mr. Thicknose. I know you haven't been getting enough lately, and it would really help. That's my only advice for you."

The old thicknose simply stands there, as the longneck leaves.

The camera zooms out, and pans over to the edge of the valley, where the flyer nest resides. A pair of eggstealers are struggling to get down the sheer cliff. It's Ozzy and Strut, each with a egg in tow. Strut sticks his foot in Ozzy's face.

Ozzy: "Watch where you're putting that thing!"

Strut: "I'm sorry, Ozzy. Just so excited, is all!"

Ozzy: "Of course you are! I'm eggcited too! Just look at this haul!"

Strut: "We really did it this time, didn't we?"

Ozzy: "We? I did all the work, you just chomped on some leafs the whole time, you overgrown weedeater!

Strut: "But Ozzy!"

Ozzy: "Don't but Ozzy me! And all that chewing might've woke up the whole valley. Didn't you think of that!

Strut: "It was just a little snack."

Ozzy: "Well, cut out on the snacks till we're in the clear, all right?

The pair make it to the bottom, and start running off. A teenage spiketail walks up to the base of the cliff

Ridge: "Harper? Are you there?"

A young flyer peeps out of a bush, with some berries in her tiny claws.

Harper: "Oh, hey Ridge! Can't sleep, either?

Ridge: "Well, yeah. The whole valley looks like they're up tonight."

Harper: (Sighs.) Yes, I know. I just wonder where my mother's been."

Ridge: "She's probably just off at that meeting.

Harper: "Oh, right. It's been kinda lonely over here today."

Ridge: "All your siblings are off with Pterano too, aren't they?"

Harper: "Not Petrie, he said he didn't have time, which is... strange, you know. Hey, have you seen my brother around, either?"

Ridge: "Nope, but you know what? I haven't seen any of em. The...Gang, I mean."

Harper: "You think they're all off somewhere again?"

Ridge: "Well, that must be what the grownup's little meeting is about, right?"

Harper: "Hmm... Maybe."

Ridge: "Heh, not maybe. Definately!

Mrs. Flyer flies overhead, towards the family nest.

Ridge: "Hey, here comes your mom, Harper!"

Harper:  "Hmm, she seems kind of... uneasy about something. You think I should ask about what's going on, or would that be too..."

Ridge: "Imposing?"

Harper: " ...Yeah."

Ridge: "Harper, you wanna find out about something, speak up about it! Stop with all of these mind games and reading people's faces!"

Harper: "oh, alright."

The little flyer takes off after her mother, but at a leasurly pace. (Mrs. Flyer screams). Harper instantly darts off towards the nest, next to her mother's side.

Harper: "Mommy! What is it?"

Mrs. Flyer just stands there.

Harper: "Mom, what's wrong!?"

Mrs. Flyer: "H...Harper?

Harper: "Mom, what happened?"

Mrs. Flyer: "Nothing. it was nothing."

Harper: "Nothing?"

Mrs. Flyer: "Well, nothing you should be worried about."

Harper: "But..."

Mrs. Flyer: "Please. This doesn't concern you. Just head off to bed. It's late, way past your bed time, and you need the rest."

Harper: "Oh...Okay."

The little creature nuzzles her mother.

Harper: "Well, goodnight, mommy."

Mrs. Flyer: "Goodnight, angel. I've gotta go and take care of some things. Okay, sweetie?"

Harper: "You mean, I'm sleeping here alone tonight!?"

Mrs. Flyer: "You're a big girl now, you can handle it, right?"

Harper: "I...guess so."

Mrs. Flyer looks really preoccupied. She suddenly takes off, calling back to Harper:"

Mrs.: "Be a big girl, and look after the nest for me."

Harper: "I will, mother."

She turns around, pacing around the nest fora few seconds, before ridge calls her again.

Ridge: "Harper! Get down here!"

Harper takes off from the nest, and quickly darts down the cliff side in the dark of the night.

Harper: "Ridge? What is it?"

Ridge: "I just saw something you don't see everyday around here."

Harper: "What? Sharpteeth?"

Ridge: "Naw, we already have one of those, remember?"

Harper: "Oh, yeah."

Ridge: "I'm talking about eggstealers!"

Harper: (gasps.) "Eggstealers?"

Ridge: " And they've got someone's eggs!"

Harper: "That's horrible!"

Ridge: "Whose eggs are they, anyway?"

Harper: "That doesn't matter. what does matter is that they're in danger right now!"

The little flyer puts her tiny claw on her cheek, deep in thought.

Ridge: "Harper: "What's going on up there?"

Harper: "Just go with me here. Petrie and his friends aren't here right now, are they?"

Ridge: "I already said that!"

Harper: "Well, they're just the kind of dinosaurs to go after eggstealers like that, but since they aren't around..."

Ridge: "Harper, I hope your not saying..."

Harper: "That's right, we have to stop them!"

--------------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------------

Scene: Some woods in the Great Valley.

Strut sneaks out from behind a tree, and starts looking around.

Ozzy: "Is the coast clear?"

Strut: "I think so, Ozzy"

Ozzy walks out from behind the same tree, holding the eggs.

Ozzy: "We may finally be in the clear this time, little brother!"

The eggstealer looks on at the two eggs.

Ozzy: "Ah, it won't be long, my little eggs. Won't be long at all. Soon you'll be tucked away, safe in my tummy!"

The eggstealer paces around for a bit.

Ozzy: "Still, it's odd that we haven't seen that annoying little band of kids. They always made me so eggsausted. You remember those weed whackers, Strut?"

He waits for a reply, but never hears one.

Ozzy: "Strut? Where are you?"

He sees a shaking bush in the distance. The eggstealer sneaks up on the bush.

Ozzy: "STRUT!"

The younger eggstealer suddenly jumps out of the bush, choking on a bunch of leaves.

Ozzy: "What the tail are you doing!?"

Strut: (Gags) "Ch...chocking..."(Loud cough)

Ozzy: "If you weren't sucking up that slop all the time, you wouldn't have this problem!"

Strut: "But Ozzy, I'm so hungry!"

Ozzy: "That's what I got you this egg for."

Strut: "Well then, why can't I have it?"

Ozzy: "Hmm?"

Strut: "Ozzy, why can't we just eat the eggs now? Why do we have to run away with them first?"

Ozzy: "Well..."

Harper: "Hey!"

Ozzy: "What was that?"

Ridge, being about as big as an eggstealer, charges forward, knocking Ozzy over. The eggs in his claws land gently on the ground.

Harper: "Oh, I hope he's okay."

Ridge: "Thanks, I've been working on my moves lately."

Harper jumps off of the spiketail's back, and walks up to the two eggs, trying to pick them up.

Strut runs up to his brother, concerned and worried.

Strut: "Are you all right, Ozzy?"

Ozzy: "The eggs! The eggs!"

Strut: "....Oh"

The eggstealer runs over to the two eggs, and grabs them. Harper's still holding onto them, and get's dragged along as well.

Harper: "Ahh!"

Ridge: "Harper!"

Ozzy jumps up from the ground, shoving past Ridge, who's not paying attention, and rushes after his brother.

Ridge: "Oof!"

The spiketail takes off after everyone else.

Ozzy catches up with Strut.

Strut: "Good to see you're alright!"

Ozzy: "Just shut it, and give me the eggs!"

Strut: "Oh, okay."

Strut chunks the eggs eggs back to his brother. Harper's still holding on.

Harper: "Ahh!"

Ridge: "I'm coming, Harper!"

Ozzy: "Hey, get off my eggs, leaf gobbler!"

Ozzy shakes the two eggs, knocking Harper loose. She can't orientate herself in time, and crashes to the ground.

Ridge: "Harper!"

The teenager stops at the little flyer. He scoops her up under his snout, and takes off again after the eggstealers.

Ridge: "Are you okay?"

Harper: "Yeah, I think I'm okay, but ooh, that mean little eggstealer!"

Ridge: "what do we do?"

Harper:: "I don't know, you expect me to know!?"

Ridge: "I'm sorry, Ridge."

Harper: "No, I'm sorry. I'm just so excited, and I've never done something like this before."

Ridge: "It's okay. Let's just keep going!"

Scene: The Longneck Nest.

Grandma Longneck is laying down. Bron walks up to her.

Bron: "You think Mr. Thicknose is okay?"

Grandma Longneck: "Some dinosaurs just end up that way when their old. It's nothing new."

Bron: "Well, you think his time is coming soon?"

Grandma Longneck: "Oh, he doesn't seem bad in that way. His body's still holding up, even though he's so old."

Bron: "Still, I am worried about that old creature. I wonder what he's been through. Why is he so... senile?"

Scene: The Great Valley. Close to the Hidden Valley entrance.

Harper: "Where did they go?"

Ridge: "I don't know. We must have lost them. Wow, they're so fast, aren't they?"

Harper: "Maybe if I get a higher look, I'll see them."

The flyer takes to the skies.

Ridge: "You see anything?"

Her eyes dart back and forth, covering a huge expanse of land. Suddenly, something catches her eye.

Harper: "I think I see something!"

Ridge: "Great, just lead the way!"

--------------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------------

The camera shows Ridge ans Harper, before panning over to the eggstealer bros.

Ozzy: "Have we got em off our tails yet?"

Strut: "Uh, I think so, Ozzy."

Ozzy: "Good then. I swear, that pair's almost as annoying as those other leafeaters!"

Strut: "Can we stop for a snack yet?"

Ozzy: "I said no more greenfood!"

Strut: "No, I mean the eggs!"

Ozzy: "Oh, yes. My marvelous, eggcelent little eggs!"

The pair stops.

Ozzy: "Oh, you won't believe how long I've waited for this, little egg!"

Strut looks on, wierded out.

Ozzy: "Here's it comes!"

Ozzy brings the egg up to his mouth, before Harper flies in, flapping in his face, and getting in the way.

Harper: "Oh no you don't!"

Ridge come charging in again.

Ozzy: "Come on, Strut, let's get out of here!"

Scene: A grassy field in the Great Valley.

A bright light appears, and the Professor's ship comes careening out of it, with the Gang, the Professor, and the rainbowfaces in tow.. (Everyone screams)

Mr. Thicknose is wondering around, unable to sleep.

Mr. Thicknose: "Is everyone right? Am I just seeing things? Do I really just need some sleep?"

Suddenly, the craft crashes into the ground, causing the ground to rumble. It skids along the surface for a short distance, before coming to a rest right in front of the old dinosaur. The thicknose stares at the sight for a few seconds, then turns around to his nest.

Mr. Thicknose: "It's all in you're head. You're just seeing things, Mr. Thicknose. None of it is real, you're just seeing things."

The ship's hatch opens up. The two rainbowfaces climb out first.

Male Rainbowface: (Sarcastically) "Well, that was a fun little joyride."

Cera: "Humpth! Tell me about it!"

Female Rainbowface: "I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing!"

Professor: "Did I? Hmm, I think I meant that little model airplane I played with when I was just a young fart."

Cera: "No, it wasn't! I saw you playing with that stupid little thing a few days ago!"

Professor: "Oh, right, hehehe!"

Littlefoot: "Well, at least we all made it through this."

Scene: The Hidden Canyon, close to the Mysterious Beyond entrance.

Ridge: "Harper! We have to turn back!"

Harper: "Not now, we have almost got them!"

Ridge: "Please. I don't wanna go back out there!"

Harper: "But we have to save those eggs!"

Ridge: "Why?"

Harper: "Because... I think those eggs... are my mother's!"

Ridge: "What? How?"

Harper: "I don't know, but how she was acting earlier... it must be!"

Camera switches over to the eggstealers.

Strut: "Ozzy, let's just leave the eggs."

Ozzy: "Are you mad, or has all those weeds gone to your head? We can't just leave these eggs be!"

Strut: "But Ozzy! They're gaining on us!"

Ozzy: "I don't wanna hear it!

Camera Switches back to the chasers.

Ridge: "Your gonna get us killed!"

Ozzy: "I said shut up!"

Strut: "We won't make it!"

Harper: "There's no turning back!

Ridge amd Strut: "We'll never make it!"

Harper and Ozzy: "Not without my eggs!"

TO BE CONTINUED

(Ridge and Harper are Mama's Girls's OC's. Thanks for letting me use them for this! :) )
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mama's Girl on June 09, 2012, 11:48:32 AM
Quote
(Ridge and Harper are Mama's Girls's OC's. Thanks for letting me use them for this!  )

Oh not a problem, I'm flattered you wanted to use them :)

I did notice some typos though that just look like over sight. When you first have Ridge walk up to the flyer's nest, I think part of your sentence didn't make it in

Quote
A young
Harper: "Where did my brother go?"

And you mixed names once

Quote
Ridge: "I'm sorry, Ridge."

I enjoyed reading what you wanted to use Harper and Ridge for :DD

Whether or not I think every little thing was IC, that's part of what letting you borrow them and guess is about.

The situation is so what would happen, of course. Harper wanting to defend little eggs. Though I'm intrigued and curious on the question you had Ridge bring up, her mother's eggs? How...

LOL

I guess the same question could be argued for Ducky's mom having all those hatchlings too, and no doubt your second part will answer whether Harper's just mistaken or an explanation is needed.

Loved it and looking forward to what you do in part 2 :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Mumbling on July 04, 2012, 03:14:12 AM
This wonderful piece of work has been submitted to the fanfiction awards 2012. If you're reading this fanfiction, please cast your vote and review here (http://gangoffive.net/index.php?showtopic=11269&hl=)!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Chomper98 on July 15, 2012, 09:19:21 PM
This is so good, I hope you continue it.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Chomper98 on July 31, 2012, 02:43:14 AM
:D Can you tell me the synopsis of the future that chomps behind, please?
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: StrutEggStealer on July 31, 2012, 12:39:42 PM
Glad to see Ozzy and Strut make an appearance^^ This is going on really well, please keep writing!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 13, 2012, 07:54:40 PM
I still don't have part two ready, but I'll at least give Chomper98 his synopsis of The Future that Chomps Behind.

One day, Chomper wakes up to not find Ruby by his side. He finds he's with his parents back on their Island. Chomper does some investigating, and finds his whole world has changed. Together with a reluctant Professor, and a longneck friend who doesn't seem himself, Chomper goes on an epic quest through time to find out what is going on... but nothing can prepare him for what he discovers!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Dosu2Dinner on January 19, 2013, 06:33:06 PM
OK, here's my review of the first chapter.

It's interesting so far. I'm curious to see as why the professor has come to the Great Valley, and what it will entail for Littlefoot and the others. One point that confuses me however, is why Littlefoot refers to his grandfather as 'Grandpa Longneck,' as supposed to simply, 'Grandpa.'

But anyway, great work! The script style is interesting too.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: somerandomfangirl on January 28, 2013, 12:10:48 PM
Episode 1

Hooray! Finally I can get started! So, I'll get straight to it, shall I?

First off, the first few lines with the narrator made me laugh quite a lot. I'm pretty sure I've said this to you before, but I very rarely read something that makes me laugh, so good job with that. :yes

Oh noes, I want to hug Littlefoot right now. Although the scary sleep story thing does portray Littlefoot finding it hard to move on well. And don't worry, I don't hate you for making Grandpa die before this starts, and Bron coming to the Great Valley to live is a nice idea, and yes! Shorty! I love the little guy. :DD

I loved the introduction of the professor too, although I agree with Pangaea, it did seem a little bit rushed. But, all in all, a really good start!

I did notice a fair few typos and grammar errors here and there. I'll just name a few:

Quote
An asteroid fly's by.
I believe that should be "flies" there.

Quote
Grangma Longneck:
Small typo here.

Quote
Mr. Threeohrn sees that human and runs up to the group.
I think some letters got mixed up there. :lol

No worries, though. I write some stuff sometimes and I don't spot mistakes until the 10th time I've read it through! It's really good so far! Keep it up! I'll try and post more reviews when I can. :yes
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on January 28, 2013, 01:53:29 PM
Quote
One point that confuses me however, is why Littlefoot refers to his grandfather as 'Grandpa Longneck,' as supposed to simply, 'Grandpa.'

That never even dawned on me before, but yeah, I guess it doesn't make much sense.

I think I said this already, but when I originally put up the first episode, it didn't have that narrator intro. It just had the short scene with the Professor just coming in, and then Littlefoot having his scary sleep story.

I think after I quickly wrote up the first 5 episodes in a week, I was pretty much out of ideas for new episodes at that point, so I just started adding some things to what I already wrote. I didn't think the start of the very first episode was very good, and I got the idea to just parody all of the Narrator intros that all of the movies have. I thought that would grab people's attention right off (along with the Grandpa is already dead bit, and you don't see what actually happened for awhile.) It also shows that this is kinda a comedy series too. I thought the funny scene right along a sad, dramatic scene would be a good representation of how I was gonna write the rest of the series. I just think a really good, well written story is one that makes people both laugh and cry, that brings out a lot of different emotions.

With the "this felt kinda rushed" bit, this was the first episode, and I didn't have much time to get a ton of things covered, but I had to leave hints of how this is different from regular LBT, to give the reader an idea of what'll be explored later on. Grandpa already gone wasn't dwelt on very much here, but it was a good hook to keep people reading to find out what happened to him.

The professor's bit was rushed too, but I tried to get a few points across. He's a meat-eater (and I expand on this some more in the next 3 episodes, actually). He's very secretive towards the Dinosaurs at first, even lying to cover his own rear end. From his speech and actions, he's not... normal XD. He's more an old, amoral, crackpot of a mad scientist. He's also very different from anything that's been in the LBT series, aside from maybe the rainbowfaces. If it was just some little kid that came to the LBT universe, I just don't think that would be as interesting. With the Professor, there's so much that's different between him and everyone else in the LBT universe, and I thought that would lead to a lot of comedy, conflict, and characters development and stuff. I just think it's so funny how the gang tries to go along with whatever the Professor is up to, and learn about him, and they don't understand barely anything about what's going on with him. :DD

I should probably shut up now.

Anyway, fixed those errors people pointed out, thanks :)

Hopefully I can at least get some writing done of season 3 while I'm off from work today and tomorrow. I know I've been saying that for months upon months at this point, though.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: somerandomfangirl on January 29, 2013, 06:55:30 AM
I'm sure this has been mentioned before, but I have noticed your writing has definitely improved as the series went on. Sorry if I seemed a bit harsh in the first review, and I think that the script writing may have confused me a little bit, since it makes everything seem a lot quicker than in novel format. :lol
I suppose I should mention that now since I forgot last time. Although I prefer writing in novel format myself, I found your way really interesting and how it's set out to look like an actual TV episode script really intrigued me. In general, I also like how many characters you brought back, such as the rainbow faces and Ali's herd once again, and of course, Pterano!

I might review a few episodes at a time now, but I can't really do much now since I'm in a lesson at school.  :DD

I just wanted to say that it is enjoyable to see your improvement as I read on and I'll be looking forward to new episodes. No worries, though. Take your time, I understand how hard it can be sometimes to get things done.  :yes
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: somerandomfangirl on March 17, 2013, 03:12:19 PM
Right, first review in a looooooong time. I'll try and do a few episodes in one post (I think I already said this), and perhaps shorten it down a little bit, mostly so that I can get through this a little quicker, so here goes:
 
Episode 2 (read on fanfiction.net):
My first reaction: “HOLY WHOA CHOMPER PROFESSOR WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” This really surprised me, but the good thing about this is that it's all explained later in the series, so it wasn't completely out of the blue. It was also nice to see some brotherly talk between Littlefoot and Shorty, and of course his opinion of the Great Valley and what's it's like to be there. I've probably said this before, but I really like your unique writing style here. Ah, and that's a good explanation for Ruby and Chomper's absence in the first episode.
Just watch out for a few typos here and there (most of them are just common things like accidentally pressing the key next to the one intended. These things happen, so I'm going to go on too much about it, but if you want I'll point out the ones I spotted), and some capital letters are either not there or not in the right place, but since I'm reading the fanfiction version here, it may have been updated already here. All in all, this episode surprised me and it shows the characters and their personalities a bit more (especially Shorty).

Episode 3:
Okay, I'll get this out quickly now: I just love some of the words the professor uses! They're so... brilliant!
Moving on... I was saying about how I liked the growing brotherly relationship between Littlefoot and Shorty, and I'll say it again, only this time with Littlefoot and Chomper. I noticed that there are a lot of differences in Littlefoot's “brotherly relationships” with Shorty and Chomper, and I think that adds a lot of character development, which is something I really like. I'm also enjoying the added mystery of the professor with him lying about being a vegetarian and such. I can also see that Chomper sees right through him there, so we can see he doesn't like him at all, but of course you're halting the explanation as to why he attacked the professor in the first place. I quite like series where a lot of things seem to be separate and surprising, but everything pulls together in the end and makes sense. I haven't read this in a while, but I'm reviewing as I'm reading it again. Anyway, I'm liking this! Again, a few capital letters in wrong places, but aside from that, much improvement in the grammar since episode 1!

Episode 4:
Aw... good to see Grandpa Longneck... well, hear him, rather. :DD
Loving the comical moments in this episode, like when the professor took his shirt off. It was funny, but it was also a very realistic reaction from the dinosaurs, giving that dinosaurs haven't seen clothes before. Dang it, stop making the professor more mysterious! Well, I guess he taught Chomper that ground crawlers don't have to be the only thing on the menu. I liked the ending too. What did Chomper eat?
Well, not much else to say about this one, other than it was quite a heartwarming episode on Littlefoot's end. The grammar is much better in this episode, so good job with that! The only thing I found that was misspelt was clothes. :yes

Anyway, hope you don't mind me reviewing every single episode here, but since they all have different plots, I thought it would be nice to share my views on each of them. :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on April 24, 2013, 06:50:52 PM
Thanks for the reviews, SomeRandomFangirl! Sorry I didn't reply any earlier.

I recently went to my brother's house, and got a new usb cable for my old external hardrive. turns out it wasn't the harddrive that was broken, but the cable, so I didn't lose all of my writing afterall!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on December 18, 2013, 11:17:50 PM
It's been a year and a half now since I posted an episode of my fanfiction. Wow, that's a long time! I'm sorry sorry for taking so long.

Looking back now, when I last posted an episode, I was still living with my brother, going from temp job to temp job, worrying that I couldn't afford another semester of college. I was still driving my old piece of scrap metel, a '99 Mazda 626, which was doing so bad with overheating, I literally had several gallons of water on me at all times for the couple of times I'd have to add new water to cool the engine down every time I wanted to drive the 30 miles between work and my brother's house. Money was super tight as well. One song I liked at the time was "Living on a Prayer", for obvious reasons.

Now, I've been living at my own play for almost a year now. I don't have a car anymore, but I can still get to work, as I now only live a mile away. I haven't gone back to college yet, and still don't know if I ever will. I'm paying off my student loans now, but money is a lot better now. I have a stable job now, one where I just got a promotion at!

Overall, after looking back and having some self reflection, things are going a lot better now. I've decided to try to get back into writing fanfiction again. I know I've said this before, but I hope I mean it this time!

Here's the second part of the eggstealer two-parter I started a year and a half ago. Before reading this, I HIGHELY recommend you go back and read the first part. Even if you have read that part already, you've probably forgotten it over all this time, and a refresher would do some good. You can find the link to that episode in the OP of this thread. I keep links to all the episodes in there, so they'll be easier to find.

Anyway, enjoy.

Episode 32 - Not Without my Eggs! Part 2

For those that need psychiatric help. Yes, I'm looking at you!


Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, in a forest

Ozzy and Strut are running though the forest, eggs in tow, with Ridge racing after them, Harper on his back.

Harper: "Good... good. Just keep on their tails, Ridge."

The view switches over to the two eggstealers.

Strut: "Ozzy! They're still after us!"

Ozzy: "Blasted kids! Why are these little brats still at it? Why do eggs always have to be such a huge pain in the hindquarters?"

Strut: "They're not worth it! Just drop em, Ozzy!"

Ozzy skids to an abrupt halt. Strut smacks into his back, and false backwards.

Ozzy: "Don't you ever... EVER, say it's not worth it!"

Harper and Ridge closes in on the pair, and stops, dumbfounded.

Ridge: (Whispers) "Hey, Harper? What are they doing?"

Strut looks likes he's almost on the verge of tears.

Strut: "I'm... sorry, Ozzy. I didn't mean to..."

Ozzy: "Oh, just shut it! You little weedwhacker! Don't you EVER have your priorities straight?"

Strut: "...But Ozzy..."

Ozzy: "I mean, what in the freaking great beyond is wrong with you!?"

Harper: (Whispers) "...Wow."

Ozzy sets the two eggs down to his side.

Ridge: (Whispers) "Now's our chance!"

Ozzy: "Since we both popped out of... eggs, you've never liked em!"

Strut looks up at his brother defiantly.

Strut: "Well, maybe it's because I CAME out of an egg!"

Ozzy: "Well, you HAVE to eat eggs! Without eggs, you'd die!"

Strut just keeps staring at his brother.

Ozzy: "Anyway, let's get going now."

Ozzy tries grabbing for the eggs, but comes up with nothing.

Ozzy: "Hey, what the..."

The view switches over to Ridge and Harper, running off with the eggs.

Harper: "Now we've got it! Let's get out of here!"

Ridge turns around.

Harper: "What are you doing? We have to get away from them!"

Ridge: "But home is this way, and I just want to go there already!"

Ozzy: "ah, now we've got you!"

Harper: "Ridge!"

Suddenly, a loud sharptooth roar bellows out of the forest. Everyone's heads shoot up.

Strut: "wh... what was that?"

Ridge: "I don't really wanna find out!"

Ozzy quickly grabs the eggs, then runs off. Harper quickly notices, and flies off after him.

Harper: "Oh no, you don't!"

The ground shakes. Ridge and Strut lay there, petrified.

Ridge: "I really wanna go home right now!"

Strut: "Me, too!"

Redclaw lumbers out, knocking down trees in his wake, and the spiketail and eggstealer scream. They take off together.

The two pairs run into two different caves in the side of a cliff, Harper and Ridge in one, and Ozzy and Strut in another.

Harper: "oh, those poor, poor eggs."

Ridge: "Well, at least we're safe here, huh, Harper?"

Harper keeps staring out at the other cave entrance, with Redclaw prowling around in between.

Ridge: "...Harper?"

The small flyer shoots off out of the cave."

Ridge: "Harper!"

Harper soars past Redclaw, missing a snap from his jaws by inches, before she barrels down the entrance of the other cave, with murder in her eyes. The view switches to the two eggstealers, still catching their breaths.

Strut: "Ozzy, He's gonna get us!"

Ozzy: "Relax, Strut. Nothing can get us in he..."

Harper screams into the cave, and engulfs the older eggstealer in pecks and scratches.

Ozzy: "Aaaahhh! Get it off! Get it off!"

Strut: "H...hold on, Ozzy!"

the younger eggstealer rushes to grab the little flyer, but just keeps slapping and clawing at Ozzy.

Ozzy: "Ahh!"

Strut: "Sorry."

Ozzy: "Get out! Strut, get out!"

The eggstealers run out of cave. Redclaw roars at them again, and they turn about-face.

Ozzy: "Back in! Back in!"

Harper grabs the two eggs, and rolls them a small distance away from the eggstealers.

Ozzy: "Bring those beauties back, thief!"

Harper: "Never!"

Ozzy: "Strut! go grab em, then!"

Strut takes a long look at Ozzy's face, which is covered with cuts and scrapes.

Strut: "No way, Ozzy!"

Ozzy: (Angry and annoyed grunt.)

Harper: "You're not taking my mother's eggs anywhere!"

Ozzy: "Well, you aren't either, weedeater! Just look outside."

The little Pteranodon stares at the massive predator outside the cave.

Harper: "Hmm. Guess we're at a Standstill, then."

Scene: The Great Valley,

Mr. Thicknose is laying at his nest, wide awake. He rustles around some, unable to go asleep.

Mr. Thicknose: "Why? Why does this always happen to me? I see something, or someone talks to me, and then everyone laughs me up for it."

The old creature works himself to his paws again, and starts pacing.

Mr. Thicknose.: "Just tell me whats wrong... with me. Just tell me what's wrong! Who am I talking to? OH, I don't know. I don't even ??? know who I'm talking to anymore!

The old Thicknose flops back on the ground, and looks into the sky.

Mr. Thicknose: "Am I really just seeing things? Please, please just let me know. Tell me, you... you, whovever you are!"

Suddenly, a bright beam of light shoots off from the distance, going from the ground, up into the heavens. One of the beams that signifies a rainbowface that's just left the valley. Mr. Thicknose lowers his face to the ground, and covers them with his front paws.

Mr. Thicknose: "...I shouldn't have asked."

--------------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley, at the Flyer nest.

Pterano swoops in, with all of Petri's siblings following him in a loose formation. The old flyer takes his perch on the ledge near the peak, and his young colleagues follow suit.

Petrie's sibling #1: "Wasn't that fun?"

Petrie's Sibling #2: "Sure was! Gee, thanks for taking us along, Pterano!"

Pterano: "Don't mention it, pupils!"

Almost as if on cue, Mrs. Flyer swoops into her nest, suddenly sending chills down Pterano's spine.

Pterano: (Whispering) "I mean really don't mention it! Just fly along and play for a short while, okay, students?"

The children dart away fro the nest, and their mother, almost without thinking, says a well memorized line.

Mrs. Flyer: "you take them out in the mysterious beyond again?"

Pterano: "Well..."

The old flyer waits around for the inevitable answer, but it doesn't come. Instead, Mrs. Flyer starts pacing again, looking worried as ever.

pterano: "Now THIS is a change! For a moment, I envisioned you feeding me to Chomper, or at least something equally horrific for my transgressions, but no harm comes!

She just keeps pacing, now mumbling to herself.

Pterano: "...Sis?"

His sister isn't even paying attention to him anymore.

Pterano: "Now, sis. What's gotten into you?

Mrs.: Flyer: "Oh... Those poor... poor eggs."

Pterano: "...Eggs? What eggs?"

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond

Redclaw continues his rein of terror on the poor little cave entrance, and the poor little residents making it their refuge. The view goes into this cave, and shows the situation is much the same. Ridge is staring out into the deadly light. Harper is still clutching the two little eggs, holding a staring contest with Ozzy. Strut is little bit further in the cave. Redclaw gives a light roar. Ozzy, not even moving his eyes from his target, calls out to his little brother.

Ozzy: "Strut! Get over here! And get that stuff out of your mouth, while your at it!"

Strut walks back from his hiding area. He has some moss in his mouth, which he swallows.

Strut: "Oh, come on, Ozzy! How did you even know I was eating again? You never looked over here."

Ozzy: "I don't even have to look anymore, Strut. I already know you always have some kind of green mess in your mouth!"

Strut: "But ozzy!"

Ozzy: "Just shut up already!"

Ridge: "I think your a bit hard on your friend there."

Ozzy: "Oh yeah? Well, I think YOUR friend over here is a little too obsessed with eggs!"

Harper: "I think the same thing, egg breath!"

The massive sharptooth growls at his captives.

Ozzy: "Better than being some flying snack that eats green slop!"

Strut: "Ozzy! Shouldn't we see about some way of getting out of here?"

Ozzy: "I already told you, I'm busy!"

Ridge: "Yeah, Why can't we just find a way out of here?"

Ozzy: "Sure, just let me help a leafgobbler! See how many eggs that get's me!"

Ridge: "sir, I really don't care right now. I just wanna go home!"

Strut: "Me, too!"

Ridge: "Harper?"

Harper: "Sorry, Ridge. Too busy right now."

Ridge starts banging his head against the rocky wall. Strut sees this, and starts doing the same.

Strut: "Well, haven't heard any growling in awhile, at least."

Ridge: "Yeah, we've got that."

The spiketail's eyes open, and he glances out of the cave.

Ridge: "Hey, guys! I think Redclaw is gone now!"

Struts: "Hey, that's great!"

Ridge nudges on the little pteranodon.

Ridge: "Let's get going already, Harper."

Harper turns her head.

Harper: "Oh, alright."

Ozzy suddenly shoots off after her, snatches the two eggs, and screams out of the cave, leaving his brother behind.

Harper: "Hey!"

Strut: "Come back, Ozzy!"

Everyone else exits the cave, going after Ozzy. Strut catches up to his brother, whose going a little slower than him because of the eggs he's carrying.

Ozzy stares over at the smoking mountain.

Strut: "Ozzy!"

Ozzy: "Blast all of this! That little monster is still after us! Just can't shake her off!"

Strut: "Oh, come on, Ozzy."

Ozzy: "I've gotta do something to get her out of the way, then."

Strut: "Huh?"

Ozzy: "I've got an idea!"

Strut: "Really? What?"

The older eggstealer grabs his brother's hand, and shoots off to the side, towards the smoking mountain. Strut struggles with the change of direction, nearly dropping his egg.

Strut: "...uh, Ozzy? You really wanna go into a big smoking mountain like that?"

Ozzy: "Well, we can't get them off our tails, Strut! So, we're just gonna have to..."

Strut: "What? You mean.."

Ozzy: "Yes, Strut. We've gotta eggsterminate them!"

--------------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley.

A nearby bush rustles, Alarming the old thicknose.

Thicknose: "Who is it?"

The Male Rainbowface steps out from among the foliage. And the two creatures stare at each other. The view switches between them both, getting closer and closer with each switch. Suddenly, Mr. Thicknose turns friendly.

Mr. Thicknose: "Well, look who it is! Hey! Buddy!"

The Rainbowface walks up.

Male Rainbowface: "Hello again, old friend!"

Mr. Thicknose: "Wher've you been?"

Male Rainbowface: "Oh, you know... around."

A hearty laugh bellows out from the old creature.

Male Rainbowface: "How has the valley been?"

Mr. Thicknose: "Same old boring valley."

He sighs.

Male Rainbowface: "Hey, you've got that old..."

Mr. Thicknose: "Human?"

Male Rainbowface: "Yeah, Human. You have him now."

Mr. Thicknose: "I guess so. A lot of residents think he's crazy, just like they all think I'm... looney."

The rainbowface looks deep in thought.

Male Rainbowface: "You still telling everyone about how we came from ooze?"

Mr. Thicknose: "You mean murky ooze? Yes, I am."

Male Rainbowface: "Hmm."

The little creature passes back and forth.

Male Rainbowface: "And you never stopped to think why I told you not to?"

Mr. Thicknose: "I don't see why anyone shouldn't know something!"

The rainbowface walks away from Mr. Thicknose a small distance.

Male Rainbowface: "Well, it was a little... slip up that got out.

Mr. Thicknose: "Really? Why would you say that?"

Male Rainbowface: Let's just say it's better for people to figure things out on their own.

The rainbowface turns tail, and starts walking off.

Male Rainbowface: "It's been great getting to catch up on some things, friend. Let's do it again, sometime.

Mr. Thicknose: "Hey, Friend?"

Male Rainbowface: "Yes?"

Mr. Thicknose: "You ever gonna get 'round to showing me where you're from?"

Male Rainbowface: "Oh, I don't know. Maybe one day."

The alien keeps walking, before stopping out of earshot of the old creature.

Male Rainbowface: (sighs) "Well, that was a total failure."

He puts his claw up over his face in anguish.

Male Rainbowface: "I just hope the same thing doesn't happen to that inquisitive little longneck."

Ridge: "Harper, let's just get out of here!

Scene: "Inside of the volcano.

The two parties are now inside the hot and dangerous inferno. Ozzy and Strut are walking along one ridge, while Harper and Ridge trudge along a nearby ridge that's farther up.

Ridge: "Harper, why are we even here!? Let's just go back home already!"

Harper: "Not now, I almost have them!"

Strut: "Your insane, Ozzy! your gonna get us both killed!"

Ozzy: "Just a little more. I know I can get them outta my scales somehow!"

Harper: "Hey, Ridge, I gotta idea!"

Harper shoots off of Ridges back yet again. The teenaged spiketail simply sighs this time, as Harper grabs the two eggs, returning back up to him."

Harper: "Wow, wonder why I never tried that before."

Ozzy: "Come back down here! I just wanna eggsterminate you two!"

Strut: "Ozzy, just stop it. Just let it go, please."

Ozzy: "Never!"

Strut puts his claw over his forehead, sighing.

Strut: "What's wrong with us?"

Harper, whose still up on the higher ridge, looking over the two eggstealers, starts pondering.

Harper: "Well, seeing as how everything is okay now, I think I can eggsplain things."

Ridge: "Oh, come on! Not you too!"

Harper calls out from her pedestal of sorts.

Harper: "My, would you two listen to yourselves for a minute!?"

Ozzy: "Hmm?"

Strut: "What?"

Harper: "You're both brothers, aren't you?"

Ridge: "Um, Harper? What are you doing?"

Harper: "Ozzy? Is that your name? I see you're being being very hateful towards your brother. Really, I don't know why he stays with you, but he must see something in you. Though, I do think you should try being a little more nice to him."

Ozzy: "You thing so?"

Harper: "I know so."

Ozzy: "I'll see about that!"

The older eggstealer starts trying to climb up towards his prize, while Harper continues.

Harper: "...And you, Strut. Yes, Ozzy is very firm with you sometimes, but he only does it because he loves you.

Strut: "He does?"

Harper: "Well, yes. I believe he does love you. He only wants what's best for you, and he's just pushing you to do what he thinks is right."

Ridge: "Harper!"

Another earthshake rumbles through the volcano. Harper loses her grip on the eggs.

Harper and Ozzy: "The eggs!"

The flyer and the eggstealer leap off of the cliff face, towards the falling eggs.

Ridge: "Harper!"

Strut: "Ozzy!"

The Larger spiketail and the smaller eggstealer sling their heads downward, catching their falling comrades tails in their mouths.

Harper: "Nooo!"

Ozzy: "My eggs!"

Harper and Ozzy watch, horrified, as the two eggs plummet down, plopping into the lava. THe lava pops and bubbles up, in a mini boil, from the water inside the eggs being super-heated, and looking for any excape. The little flyer and the eggstealer just keep staring on, as Ridge and Strut drag them back up to safety.

Scene: Outside the volcano.

Ridge steps out of the volcano, with Harper on his back. She can't even speak. A few moments later, Strut lumbers out, Supporting
Ozzy on his side, who barely seems interested in even walking. No words are spoken by anyone. Both parties slowly walk off into the distance, their rides looking defeated.

Scene: The Great Valley.

We join everyone near the flyer nest. Pterano, his sister, and the Professor is there. Pterano's a distance away from Mrs. Flyer, talking to someone off screen. The Professor walks up on the female flyer.

Professor: "I was just out here for a walk to... think about some things, and I saw you two here. I'm so sorry for your family... Um..."

Tara: "Tara."

Professor: "Oh yes, right. Well, my condolences go out to you. Loosing your eggs like that must be awful. It must be so hard for you and Pterano."

Tara: "Thank you so much, creature. It really helps having people... hey, wait. What do you mean 'me and Pterano'?"

Professor: "Well, I... it's just he's the only male flyer around and..."

Tara: "WITH MY OWN BROTHER!?!? Well, I never!"

Pterano, whose now a small distance away, look on as the Professor bolts past the screen in terror, with Tara following from the air.

Professor: "I'm... I'm sorry about that, mame, I didn't know!"

Tara: "That someone could even have the audacity to think I'd ever think of... UGH!!!!!!!"

Professor: "Oh God! I'm sorry!"

Tara: "Come back and tell all of that to my beak, or my claws!"

Professor: (Blind screams of utter terror.)

The view moves over to Pterano, whose a ways away from all the commotion.

Pterano: "So, the last time she took a little trip into the Beyond, she... er... had a little two much fun with some bombastic young male flyer. She seemed really embarrassed about it when she told me, so don't tell anyone else about it, okay? I Definitely don't yearn for this whole thing getting out, friend."

Pterano takes off to the air, and the view moves over a little more, to Mr. Thicknose, whose deep in thought.

END

Now that that's done, the next episode will be coming out... when it's done.  :lol
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Ducky123 on December 20, 2013, 04:55:55 PM
Ah, gotta love Ozzy and Strut! :DD

Man, I'm so glad you've made it at last :)

First of all, Ridge and Parker are cool characters. The chase was an epic one, really :yes The side stories were pretty well-done imo. Oh, and you're never failing at making the peeps laugh :lol

Keep writing! :goodluck
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on August 21, 2014, 05:03:46 AM
Hiya guys. I've hadthis episdoe 34 already written up for over a year, and never posted, because I wanted to get 33 up first. Meh, That's not happenning, so you should at least get to read this one, so it's the new episode 33. This features a OC from TrulyFantasticMe, not that she even remembers that character now.  :neutral

Anyway, hope you like thislittle moresilly episode! :DD



Episode 33 - Always the Same Ham

William Shatner would be proud!


Scene: The Great Valley, just outside the Professor's Cave.

The senile old professor and the Gang are gathered up. Most of the Gang are talking to each other, while Ducky and the Professor are off to the side.

Ducky: "This is going to be fun, is it not, Professor?"

Professor: "Yes, yes, but before all of that, let me give you a lesson on how to laugh, little swimmer!"

Ducky: "But I already know how to laugh, silly!"

Professor: "Not the right way, though! Here, you're supposed to laugh like this."

(The old man starts laughing maniacally.) (Ducky follows suit, but gives a more playful laugh.)

Professor: "No, no, no! Not like that! It has to come from further down! From the gut!"

(The Professor laughs maniacally again.) (Ducky gives another playful laugh.)

Professor: "Oh, it's hopeless!"

Ducky: "Oh, it is okay, Professor!"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, we're just gonna have some fun today!"

Professor: "So, everyone here yet?"

Petrie: "Not me uncle!"

Professor: "Wait, HE wants to play this, too?"

Pterano: "Of course!"

Professor: "Ahh!"

The Professor jumps around in a frenzy to see the old flyer.

Professor: "You know not to surprise me like that!"

Pterano: "Oh, so sorry about that, poor old..."

Littlefoot: "...Human."

Pterano: ...Yes. Well, whatever you are."

Littlefoot: "So, you're ready to play with us, Pterano?"

Pterano: "I've already said so, child!"

Professor: "You really wanna play some kid's game, old Pteranodon?"

Pterano: "This isn't just some child's play, Professor! I believe it's something everyone should try out. It sharpens the mind. Sharpens the tounge. It's a very important skill, after all."

Littlefoot: "It is?"

Pterano: "Oh my, it is! You can get yourself out of an abundance of trouble with it!"

Cera: Humpth! You would know!"

Petrie: "Oh no, oh no, oh nohoho!"

Cera: "What's it this time, Petrie?"

Petrie: "Sh...sharptooth flyer back!"

Chomper looks up into the sky, and see's this new flyer, who's blue in color.

Chomper: "Wait, he's not my friend! Who is that?"

Petrie: "Me no wanna find out!"

Cera: Um, me either!"

Petrie takes off, while Cera starts to bolt. Chomper goes to hide behind some bushes.

Littlefoot: "Everyone! Run!"

Pterano's voice suddenly changes to a much less eloquent, more rukkish tone.

Pterano: "Holy Hola Doughnut! Could it be?"

The blue flyer tackles Pterano.

Petrie: "Uncle!"

Petrie flies back, but notices the two flyers are actually hugging.

Flying Sharptooth: "It's been such a long time!"

Pterano: "I know, you crazy old flyer!"

Flying Sharptooth: "You're the crazy one, ya old flyer!"

Pterano: Oh, I know. Just playing with ya, is all!"

Petrie: "...Uncle?"

The rest of the Gang and the Professor come back.

Professor: "What's the meaning of this!?"

Ducky: "Yeah, what is going on, Pterano?"

Littlefoot: "And what about your voice, Mr. Pterano? It just sounds so...differenty."

Pterano: "My voice?"

Pterano clears his throat, and returns to his regular, eloquent self.

Pterano: "Oh yes, That. Sorry about that, children. This brave, valiant young lad here just brought up... something in me."

Cera: "Who IS this flyer here, though?"

Professor: "Yes, let's get on with it!"

Pterano: "Well, if you'd give an old flyer the time of day to explain himself!"

He motions to the sharptooth flyer.

Pterano: "Anyway, this is Devon here."

Ducky: "Why, hello Devon!"

Ruby: "Yes, hello to you, Devon! To you, hello!"

Littlefoot: "Welcome to the Great Valley!"

Devon: "Well, thank ya, kids! This is a pretty nice place, now that I've seen it!"

Cera: "What's up with this sharptoothed flyer though? Is he like those OTHER flyer friends you had?"

Pterano: "Sort of, I suppose, but not exactly. He's... well, I think that's better left in the past."

Devon: "Yeah, don't really wanna think about that!"

Professor: "So, what brings you around here, Devin?"

Devon: "Nothing much., just finally decided to follow my papa here."

Littlefoot: "Father?"

Pterano: "Yes, Littlefoot. Devon is my beloved son!"

Cera: "WHAT!?"

Professor: (Laughs maniacally.) "My, I'd love to see what his mother looks like!"

Pterano: "Hmm? Oh, no, no! I don't mean like that! You see, I adopted him."

Ducky: "Oh. You mean like when my mommy adopted Spike, right?"

Pterano: "Yes, little swimmer, just like that. I adopted Devon because he didn't have any fam..."

He glances over at Devon, who looks back blankly.

Pterano: "...Well, let's just say he had no one that loved him, shall we?"

Professor: "So, will you be staying here, with us, Devin?"

Pterano: "It's Devon."

Professor: "Devin?"

Pterano: "...No, aged creature,.I said Devon!"

Professor: "Devin?"

Devon: "It's Devon! Devon! Get it right, you fuzzy faced... thing!"

Professor: "Da Von!? Who the tail names their son Da Von!?"

Pterano: "You wouldn't want to know, poor old Professor. Believe me!"

Littlefoot: "So, we ready to start, Professor?"

Devon: "Start? Start what?"

Pterano: "Ah, yes! Of course!"

Professor: "Then, let's begin!"

Everyone scampers off quickly, leaving Devon behind, just standing there, confused.

Devon: "Hmm, where'd everybody head off too?"

He starts pacing around the field, looking around. Suddenly, a bush shakes, and the flyer's head snaps.

Devon: "What was THAT!?"

Littlefoot jumps out of the bushes, looking angrily at Devon.

Littlefoot: "Back, foul beast!"

Devon: "Foul beast? Whatcha even talkin' bout?"

Littlefoot: "Leave this peaceful little valley alone! Go back and tell you're master that, too!"

Devon: "Now hold on a minute there, I ain't here to hurt anybody!"

Littlefoot: "You mean you haven't come from Ducky? The evil Professor Ducky?"

Devon: "I don't even know what your talking bout!"

Littlefoot: "That's good, I guess. It's probably better you don't know about her."

The longneck turns around, slowly pacing dramatically.

Littlefoot: I've been trying to stop her, for she's trying to take over this very valley!"

Devon: "WHAT!?"

Littlefoot: "Yes, I'm afraid. She's after... something. Something that would give her great power."

Devon: "Wow, sounds awful!"

Littlefoot: "I'm trying to stop her, you see. I'm the Looone Dinosaur, afterall!"

Devon: "...Really?"

Littlefoot: "Of course!"

The longneck starts pacing some more.

Littlefoot: "It's just this time, I'm not so sure..."

Devon: "So sure of what?"

Littlefoot: "That I'll be able to stop her. I've stopped her before, yes, but if she finds that... stone, I don't know what'll happen!"

Devon: "Bummer."

Littlefoot: "This time, I'm gonna need help."

Devon: "Oh... k."

Littlefoot: "So, would you like to join me on my quest?"

Devon: "Me?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah. You seem pretty okay to me, and I'm gonna need the help!"

Devon: "Oh, what tha heck, I got nothin better to do!"

Littlefoot: "Then, let's go!"

Littlefoot starts marching off, with Devon following pretty far behind. Suddenly, The Professor sticks his head out of some nearby bushes.

Professor: "BREAK!"

--------------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------------

Scene: The Great Valley.

Littlefoot is huddled up at the bush the Professor is hiding in, while Devon stands back.

Professor: "We really gonna let him play along?"

Littlefoot: "Well, he kinda said he wanted to, so we kinda have to."

Professor: (Sighs.) "Oh, alright, but you're not making this easy on me! All this improvising at the last second and what all!"

The old man rushes back into the foliage, while the longneck turns around and rejoins Devon.

Devon: "Hey, what was he doing there?"

Littlefoot: "Who?"

Devon: "You know, that old...thing that can't say my name right."

Littlefoot: "I don't know what your talking about. It's just the two of us here."

Devon: "No, I mean there was something in that bush. You were talking to em!"

Littlefoot: "I wasn't talking to anyone, flyer."

Devon: "Oh, never mind."

Littlefoot: "Anyway, let's get going!"

Scene: The Great Valley, near the watering hole.

Littlefoot and Devon are still walking along.

Devon: "So, this valley here is a little...different, isn't it?"

Littlefoot: "It's great, isn't it? I mean, that's why we call it the Great Valley, afterall!"

Devon: "Yeah, really... great."

Littlefoot: "Alright, we're coming up to the watering hole. Just keep low."

Devon: "Why?"

Littlefoot: "It's the pointy one's lair."

Devon: "Pointy one? Whose..."

Cera: "Humpth! Who goes there!?"

Littlefoot: "Oh no, it's her!"

Devon: "But's it's just some little threehorn."

Cera: "Hello, I asked you two hatchlings a question! Who goes there?"

Littlefoot: "It is I, The Looone Dinosaur! And this here is..."

Devon: "Devon."

Littlefoot: "Really? That's not a very interesting name."

Devon: "What?

Littlefoot: "Well, you can come up with something better than that, can't you?"

Cera: "Yeah, it's no fun otherwise."

Devon: "Hmm. How bout fearsome flyer?"

Littlefoot: "Much better!"

Cera: "Now then... NONE SHALL PASS!"

Littlefoot: "But we must!"

Cera: "This is MY waterng hole, and it's my saying who's passing and not passing!."

Littlefoot: "We're gonna pass, even if I have to fight you for it!"

Littlefoot charges forward, knocking Cera into the water.

Cera: "Ow! That's not fair!"

Littlefoot: "Yes it is!"

Cera: "I ain't gonna give up, you know!"

Littlefoot: (Whispers.) "Hey, we're already late, just move on already."

Cera: (Whispers.) "Oh, okay. "(Shouting.) "Oh, you've beaten me! Please, have mercy on me!"

Littlefoot: "I'll spare you, if you help us take down Ducky!"

Cera: (Gasps.) "You mean THE Ducky? The evil Professor Ducky?"

Littlefoot: "The very same! So, will you help us on our quest?"

Cera: "Hmm. Oh, alright, just as long as I get all the credit for it!"

Scene: A forest in the Great Valley.

The threesome walks along a bit more, before the flyer get's a question.

Devon: "So, where we off to right now?"

Littlefoot: "Looking for some more help."

Devon: "We really have to?"

Cera: "Look, you've got me, you don't need anybody else!"

Littlefoot: "You know, I can't do this alone. I don't even think the two of us could do it, or the three of us. That's why I'm here. I'm looking for somebody that can help us. I'm looking for a certain... flyer."

Devon: "Flyer? You mean Pterano?"

Littlefoot: "Is that what your kind calls him? I only know him as the fearless flyer!"

Devon: "Well, yeah. He is a pretty awesome dad, ain't he?"

Littlefoot: (Gasps) "You mean, your realated to the fearless flyer?"

Devon: "Well, duh! Already told ya that, smart egg!"

Littlefoot: "Where is he?"

Devon: "I don't really know. Guess he'd be over at his nest or something."

Littlefoot: "Nest... nest... do you mean the flyer nest on tall, tall ridge?"

Devon: "What are you even talking about?"

Littlefoot: "Let's go!"

Scene: The Great Wall, at the flyer nest.

Littlefoot, Cera and Devon trek up to the base of the cliff where the flyer nest resides.

Littlefoot: "Hello up there!"

A few moments go by before the old flyer replies from atop the nest.

Pterano: "Who DARES to disturb my slumber?"

Littlefoot: "It is I, the Looone Dinosaur!"

Pterano: "Piff! What does some simple longneck want with me?"

Littlefoot: "We need your help, fearless flyer! We have to take down the evil professor Ducky!"

Pterano: "Ah, so the land crawlers are finally wisening up, and begging for my assistance?"

Littlefoot: "I'm afraid so. It's a pretty bad situation."

Pterano leaps off from his perch, and lands right in front of the group.

Pterano: "Grand! Let us get our tails in gear, and get going already!"

The group starts to walk off, before the Professor sticks his head out of a bush yet again.

Professor: "Hey, I'm gonna need a few more minutes to think of something, so... BREAK!"

--------------------------------------<Commercial break>----------------------------------

Littlefoot and Pterano are standing up at the bush the Professor is at, while Devon stands back, confused.

Littlefoot: "You really think that is gonna work?"

Professor: "It better. We've already taken too many breaks as it is!

Pterano: "Well then, let's begin again!"

The Professor goes back into hiding.

Devon: "Hey, what's going... ah, just forget it!"

Littlefoot: "The time is now, everyone! It's time to take back our valley!"

Littlefoot, Cera and Pterano all yell, then run off, while Devon just stares.

Devon: "What the HELL was Pterano thinking when he joined this crazy, messed up place!?"

He takes off into the air, following the rest of the group.

Scene: The Great Valley, by the swimmer nest.

Ducky is standing on a rock, while Ruby and Petrie cower under her.

Ducky: "I rule this valley now, oh yes I do!"

Ruby: "Please, have mercy on us!"

Petrie: "Yes, don't hurt us, me scared!"

Ducky: "I think the first thing I will do is make the longnecks get me those treesweets. You know, the ones way up high in the trees that I could never get,  yup... yup... yup!" (Laughs maniacaly.)

Littlefoot: "Oh no, you won't!"

Ducky: "Ah, so it is the Looone Dinosaur again, is it not?"

Littlefoot: "I'm here to put a stop to you!"

Ducky: "Oh, yes, you may have stopped me before, but..."

Ducky picks up a rounded off stone, and shows it off.

Ducky: "...With this stone of cold fire, no one can stop me now, oh no no no!"

Pterano: "DUCKY!"

Ducky: (Gasps.) "That... voice. Could it be?"

Pterano flies in, landing between the other heroes and Ducky.

Pterano: "That's right, Professor!"

The Professor sticks his head out of another bush.

Professor: "Eh, wha? Someone call me?"

Devon: "Be careful, dad!"

Pternao: "Don't worry, I have this under control!"

Ducky: "I thought I beated you already!"

Pterano: "It's takes more than a little flowing fire to stop me!"

Ducky: "Oh, no matter. I have the stone now, fearless flyer! No one can ever hope to stop me, not even you, I am afraid, oh yes I am!"

Pterano: "You aren't going to take over this peaceful valley, evil one!"

Ducky: "Oh yeah? And how do you think are you going to stop me, if I may ask?"

Pterano: "With this!"

The old flyer charges forward, and grabs the rock right out of Ducky's hands.

Ducky: "Ahh! My... stone! My precious!"

Pterano: "I"m getting rid of this mischief maker once and for all!"

(Pterano yells out in fake pain.) He tosses the stone away, and starts falling towards the ground.

Ducky: "NOOOOO!"

Pterano gently lands on the ground, while Devon rushes towards him.

Devon: "Dad!"

The blue flyer takes his father in his wings.

Pterano: "...Son?"

Devon: "Yes, I'm here, father."

Pterano: I could never... fathom that it would end like this!"

Devon: "Dad, no! Don't talk like that!"

Pterano: "Your father has always loved you. Just remember that. From the day we first met, I always have!"

Devon is in tears at this point.

Devon: "I know, dad! I know..."

Pterano turns his head to the side, sticking his tounge out. (He makes some fake dieing sound.) Devon starts to tremble.

Devon: "Daddy! Nooo!"

Devon sticks his head down, weeping, while the Professor walks up.

Professor: "Alright, I think that's a wrap!"

The rest of the Gang rush up, looking cheery.

Littlefoot: "Hey, good going, Pterano!"

Pterano's limp body suddenly springs up.

Pterano: "Oh, thank you, my child! I definately had a most entertaining day today!"

Devon: "Wh...what's going on?"

Pterano: "Hmm? what do you mean, Devon?"

Devon: "You just died, dad!"

Pterano: "Oh, that? I was just acting, son!"

Devon: "Acting?"

Littlefoot: "Oh yeah, Devon, we all were!"

Ducky: "Oh yes. It was very fun, was it not?"

Pterano: "Wait... you thought this whole little charade was the real thing!"

Devon: "Um... yeah."

Everyone else bursts out laughing.

Professor: "How could you think such a thing, Devin?"

Devon: "For the last time, it's DeVON! But for your question... you all just made it seem so real."

Pterano: "That was just all the acting lessons I've been giving them."

Littlefoot: "Yeah, he really helped out."

Devon: "This almost seems like those tricks I always play on you, dad!"

Professor: (Chuckles.) "From one ham to another, I guess."

Pterano: "Hmm?"

Devon: "What?"

Professor: "Oh, it's just a figure of speech."

Devon: "Well, I think I'm ready to spend the rest of the day with you, Pterano."

Pterano: "Of course, son! I'm gonna go back to the nest to get ready."

The old flyer takes off.

Devon: "Alright. Be right there!"

Littlefoot: "The only question I have now, is where did Chomper go off to?

Devon: "Chomper?"

Cera: "Yeah. I thought he was gonna play along too!"

Ruby: "We were so caught up in this, I didn't even think of introducing you to him."

Suddenly, Chomper bursts out of some foliage."

Chomper: "Hey, am I late, guys?"

Devon: "AAHHHH!"

The blue flyer shoots off backwards, but he's flying so low, he smacks the big rock Ducky was standing on earlier.

END
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 11, 2017, 10:34:21 AM
Episode 34 - Veal and Friends

Remind me to have Brekclub committed! ...On second thought, I should probably be committed too...


Scene: The Professor's Cave.

The Professor is working again on some contraption.

Professor: "And... that should do it, I hope."

The view changes, revealing the device the Professor has been working on is his time travel device. He closes a hatch he had open on the contraption, turns it over, and flips a small switch on it. The thing comes to life for a moment, before short circuiting, and falling over, motionless. The human bangs his fist into the table, grunting in frustration.

Professor: "Oh, blast it all!"

Male Rainbowface: "Having some trouble there, being?"

Professor: "Who let you in!?"

Male Rainbowface: "I live here now, remember? Don't tell me your forgetting things now, old friend!"

Professor: "Old Friend? So you accuse me of being an alien, bring me back to my time, break my time machine, get kicked out of your world, and crash in my pad for a couple days and we're old friends!?"

Male Ranbowface: "Tsk, Tsk, Always so negative. How are you gonna get something done with that kind of atitude?"

Professor: "Sometimes you need some cynicism, too, you know. Keeps you from being too dissapointed when everything inevitably blows up in your face."

Male Rainbowface: "Someone who tries the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. The very definition of a fool."

Professor: "...Einstein?"

Male Rainbowface: "No idea what you are talking about, but maybe a different approach might help."

The colorful dinosaur pulls out a grey clump of gooey, putty looking stuff.

Professor: "What the hell is that pile of goop?"

Male Rainbowface: "It's not a pile of goop. Well, unless you want it to be a pile of goop. It's something we call a universal tool. (Clears his throat) Form of electrical screwdriver. point three units wide."

The Grey putty quickly forms into a tiny screwdriver, and turns solid.

Professor: "What kind of technology is that? Never seen it before."

Male Rainbowface: "Well, that's... classified. You know, as I'd always tell that inquisitive young quadruped, 'That would be telling.'"

Professor: "Wow, that thing can really turn into anything, can it?"

Male Rainbowface: "Pretty much, yes."

The disosaur offers the gadget to the human.

Male Rainbowface: "Here, I'm sure you could find a use for it here."

Professor: "Ah, thanks, old friend!"

The old man grabs it out of his hand, examining the object for a moment, before thinking of what he wants.

Professor: "Now, form of... nose hair clipper!"

The device changes into a nose hair clipper, and the Professor proceeds with shoving it up his nostrils.

Male Rainbowface: "UGH!

After the Professor finishes his... thing, he drops the device on his table, and then starts heading towards the exit of his cave.

Male Rainbowface: "Hey! I thought you were going to finally fix your machine!"

Professor: "Eh, I feel like if I try any more right now, I'll just end up smashing it again in anger. I'll just go see what the young-ins are up to, I guess."

Male Rainbowface: "Seeya."

Scene: The Great Valley.

The gang is laying in a grassy field, relaxing, and chatting amongst themselves.

Ducky: "I remember hearing a lot of talking from the flyer's nest last night, yup.

Cera: "Yeah. Me, too. Could barely get any shut eye from that!"

Littlefoot: "I wonder what was up. Petrie?"

Petrie: "Oh, me no know."

Ducky: "Hmm, what is that?"

The swimmer points in the sky over the great valley wall, a small dot slowly grows, turning into a sharptoothed flyer.

Littlefoot: "Ducky! Petrie! lookout!"

Littlefoot flops on top of Petrie, while Spike comes over, and covers up his sister. Up in the sky, a bright, thin line darts by the flyer quickly. A shot, from the Professor's weapon, leaving the tip of the sharptooth flyer's tail singed.

Chomper: "Professor, stop it! He's a friend!"

Chomper sighs, looking at all the commotion going on around him.

Chomper: "Does EVERYONE in this valley have to get so worked up every time that same sharptooth flyer comes? I thought you guys would remember him by now, geez!"

The sharptooth flyer finally lands, growling at the professor, before Chomper runs up to him, roars something, and they both start talking to each other in sharptooth.

Chomper: "Oh no!"

Littlefoot: "What's wrong, Chomper?"

Chomper: "It's my uncle!"

Petrie: "Pterano?"

Cera: "No, bird-brain! It's Chomper's uncle!"

Petrie: "...Oh.

Ruby: "What's wrong with your uncle, Chomper? Is he sick?"

Chomper: "No, he's... dead."

(Everyone else gasps.)

Professor: "My... how tragic."

Littlefoot: "I'm sorry to hear about that, Chomper."

Chomper: "I gotta go see him!"

Cera: "...Wha?"

Littlefoot: "Why do you wanna go see him? He's already gone."

Chomper: "Well, I gotta go! I just have to!"

Professor: "But Chomper, my little carnivore. They're so far away from here. It'll take a couple days to walk there, you know. Unless we use my ship, I suppose."

Chomper: "To the ship!"

Scene: Inside the Professor's ship, flying somewhere over the Mysterious Beyond.

The Professor, Chomper, Littlefoot, and Cera are there.

Chomper: "Are we there yet?"

Professor: "Stop asking, little guy! We'll be there soon!"

The Professor turns around from his seat to the rest of the Gang.

Professor: "So, why are you leaf eaters tagging along again?"

Littlefoot: "I don't really know actually. Guess We just wanna be with Chomper."

Chomper:" You didn't have to come along, friends. I already told you guys you might not like it there."

Littlefoot: "Look, Chomper. You're uncle is dead, and it's just right for your friends to be there for you. You'd be there if someone we know died, right?"

Chomper: "Well, sure I would!"

Cera: "You sure he's not just bringing us along as appetizers?"

Chomper: "Don't worry, Cera. I wouldn't ever do something like that, and besides, we've got something to eat there already!"

All the leaf eaters cringe.

Ducky: "You... do?"

Chomper: "...Eeyup!  You guys even been listening to me?"

Cera: "How do you know? Did that flying sharptooth tell you that to? Oh, and why are you going, again?"

Chomper: "Well, I have to go, because it's in the code."

Professor: "Code? What code?"

Chomper: "The Sharptooth Code, of course!

Littlefoot: "...Huh?"

Chomper: "Yeah, it's a code that we all live by, and that's why I'm coming to see my uncle."

Cera: "A sharptooth code? You'd think sharpteeth would be too busy thinking about food to worry about some code."

Chomper: "Well, you guys always just see them when they're hungry, cause that's when they show themselves. Sharptooth aren't ALWAYS thinking about food."

Cera: "Honestly, I find that hard to believe."

Professor: "Get ready, gang. We're almost there!

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, by a small stream. Chomper's parents are standing close to their fallen friend, Chomper's uncle. Cutter and his two brothers are there, too. Chomper and the gang are a small distance away from the sharpteeth, in their own group.

Papa Sharptooth: <We are gathered here to remember a fallen friend, my brother, fierce hunter...>

Papa Sharptooth continues his speech, in the background and untranslated, as the view focuses on the Gang.

Ducky: Ooh, it is nice to see your other friends are here for you, it is!"

Chomper: "Yeah. So glad to see Cutter! Though I'm sure his brothers are just here for the food."

Petrie: "Oh no! They come to eat us!"

Chomper: "Calm down guys! I've already told you guys a thousand times, you're safe here."

Littlefoot: "I know we are, buddy, but it still just makes us a little... nervous being around so many sharpteet, is all.

Papa Sharptooth starts singing the Song of Passing, slowly the other sharpteeth join him in the sad song, except Cutter's brothers. Chomper joins in it too, with a tear in his eyes. After the song is over, Littlefoot steps up to the little sharptooth, guilt showing in his face.

Littlefoot: "I'm sorry we're keeping you from being so close to him, and your family and other friends, Chomper. It's just... I just feel like it's making us feel a little better having you with us, is all."

Chomper wipes the tears from his eyes.

Chomper: "You don't have to explain things, Littlefoot. I understand. Can't stay here with you guys much longer, though."

Littlefoot: "Really? Why not?"

Chomper is already gone from the group, running towards the other sharpteeth.

Cera: "Hmptth! Typical."

Littlefoot: "Don't worry, guys. He's just... emotional right now. Can't even think of what he's going through his mind right now. We're still safe here, I think."

Suddenly, all of the sharpteeth start tearing into the carcass of their fallen friend, loudly and ravenously.. The rest of the Gang sees and hears all this commotion, and start screaming.

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: Back in the Mysterious Beyond. The gang are all over in a nearby forest, away from the carnage. They're all laying down, looking disturbed and on edge. Chomper walks in, looking very full and happy with himself.

Chomper: "Well, THAT was good!"

The Professor walks up next, holding his backpack, which now looks stuffed with something.

Professor: "Hey, Thanks again Chomper for letting me cut off some bits for myself!"

Chomper: "Aww, your welcome, buddy!"

Littlefoot: "What in the beyond is going on!? Did you sharpteeth all just..."

Chomper: "...clean up?"

Cera: "Oh, that's what you call it!?"

Petrie: "Oh, me just wanna go home! Mommy!"

Littlefoot: "...w...why?"

Chomper: "Like I already told you, friends. It's in the sharptooth code. 'Never let anything go to waste' is a big one.

Littlefoot: "So, you mean, you sharpteeth eat each other too?"

Cera: "NOW I KNOW YOUR ALL EVIL!"

Chomper: "We aren't evil, Cera!

Littlefoot: "But, why did you do that, Chomper? Didn't you love your uncle?"

Chomper: "Yes, I loved my uncle. That's why I did it!"

Ducky: "That does not make any sense, Chomper. Friends do not eat friends, no no no!"

Chomper: "Look, it's a...sharpooth thing. There's no way you'd understand it."

The little sharptooth takes another look around him at the group. They're all giving him strange looks.

Chomper: "Well, you guys didn't need to come, you know! You knew what you were in for!"

Petrie: "No, me no know!"

Ducky: "I never thought about this, no no no!"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, we didn't think anyone could do something like that!"

Professor: "Well, what the daft you guys thought would happen, exactly? Mr. dead rexxie was just gonna sprout wings and fly up to the great beyond or something?"

Littlefoot: "I don't know! I just... never really think about it. I... we don't like thinking about any of that stuff!"

Professor: "All the more reason you guys shouldn't have come in the first place. But NOPE, gotta be with our friend here!"

Chomper: "Yeah!"

Professor: "You know, A long time ago...or a long time yet, whichever you wanna believe, some of my kind would eat each other too.

Littlefoot: REALLY!?"

The longneck takes a step back.

Professor: "I remember hearing of one group of our kind that would eat their fallen.

Littlefoot: "Um, Professor?"

THe rest of the leafeaters, minus Littlefoot, leave the group.

Professor: "Whenever someone died, they'd have this whole ceremony where they'd cut up the body and cook it over a fire..."

Littlfoot: "Professor? Could you stop? Please?"

Professor: "The men ate the muscles, while the women ate their brains. (Mumbling to himself) "Heh, the females of your kind would probably starve to death if you tried that!"

Littlefoot walks off-screen, looking woozy.

Chomper: "Wow! Your so much like us, Professor!"

PRofessor: "No, actually, we're not."

Chomper: "Huh?"

Professor: "It's taboo for us now.

Chomper: "What's a taboo?"

Professor: "Oh, it's a thing that pretty much everyone in a group thinks is wrong, basically. Had more of my fair share of those back where I came from. Some people are ust so finicky, aren't they?"

Chomper's fast biter friend, Cutter, comes running up, and tackles the friendly sharptooth.

Chomper: "Hey, get off!" *giggles*

Both of the sharpteeth start growling and chirping at each other, as they start play-fighting eachother.

Professor: "Hey! Don't wanna freak out the leaf eaters any more!"

The old man looks back, seeing Ducky covering her mouth, Cera covering her ears, and Littlefoot covering his eyes.

Professor: "Oh, never mind."

Littlefoot walks up to the Professor, and lays his head and neck over on The Professor's side.

Petrie: "Can we just go home already?"

Professor: "Yeah, I'm starting to side with them, Chomper."

Chomper: "No, we can't go yet! I'm having so much fun, and I don't get to see Cutter that much."

Professor: "I think they need a little time to... stew over everything that just happened."

Chomper: "Well, their fault for not listening to me! Just think of my parents! How much do I get to see them these days? Until somebody gives me a better reason, I don't wanna go!"

A roar is heard.

Chomper: "Hmm. Wait. That doesn't sound like my mommy or daddy."

The rest of the gang, oddly, aren't startled by this at first, partly from already hearing so much roaring, and partly from still being shocked from the after funeral meal. The roar is heard again, louder than before.

Chomper: "Um, guys? I think we got some other sharpteeth coming."

Redclaw breaks out of the nearby forest, with Screech and Thud close behind.

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: Back to the same place in the Mysterious Beyond. Redclaw and his cohorts are advancing on the sharpteeth.

Guaro: <Redclaw? Come on, no one needs a Redclaw in their lives!>

Redclaw: <You all have a feast, and don't invite THE Sharptooth?>

Mama Sharptooth: <THE Sharptooth?>

Both of Chomper's parents break out laughing. Redclaw starts rushing headlong at the duo. Back with the Gang, the Professor is on edge.

Professor: "Yeah... now's a good time to go home! Come along now, gang!"

The Professor starts gathering up and guiding the green eating members of the gang toward his ship, while Chomper goes after his parents.

Chomper: "No, I gotta make sure my folks are okay!"

Professor: "Chomper! Come back here, you crazy little carnivore!"

Littlefoot, in his shocked state, suddenly notices Redclaw, as well as Chomper, who is running toward the scarred sharptooth.

Littlefoot: "Chomper! Hey, wait!"

The little longneck rushes off towards the battle, leaving the Professor to fume.

Professor: "Littlefoot! Come on. Not you, too!"

The human finishes ushering the rest of the gang into his ship, before pushing a button to close the hatch. He then starts walking over in the direction of the battle, grumbling to himself.

Professor: "Ugh. All these young-ins. Honestly, sometimes it fells like I'm herding cattle!"

Back with the sharpteeth, Redclaw snaps at Mama Sharptooth's tail, but is butted out by her husband, ramming his forehead into the scarred sharptooth, sending him back a little ways. Redclaw gets to his senses, and instead tries grabbing a quick bite at the t-Rex carcass, but he then gets whacked by both tales of the hunter couple. Redclaw takes a moment to take a good sniff in, and cackles.

Redclaw: <Why are you so protective of a dead brother? You couldn't have cared much for em anyway, since you gorged yourselves on him!>

Papa Sharptooth: <How dare you!>

Chomper: <Mommy! Daddy! I'm coming!>

The friendly little sharptooth closes in on the whole scene.

Mama Sharpooth: <Stay away, son! It's too dangerous!>

Redclaw: <Ah, the little pipsqueak is here?>

Chomper: <I'm not little!>

Redclaw: <Well, maybe my two useless lackeys could make themselves useful now?>

Screech and Thud pop out of a nearby bush, and start chasing Chomper. The little one doesn't seem to notice, however, still charging straight towards his parents and sharptooth friends.

Littlefoot: "Hey, Chomper! Look out!"

The duo of fast biters both turn their heads towards the longneck. The stop, let out a laugh, and start racing towards Littlefoot.

Littlefoot: "...what th..."

He has little time to react, as all three dinosaurs collide with each other.

The screen goes black for a short moment, then it brightens up on Screen opening his eyes. He looks over to Thud.

Screech: <Idiot! Why'd you have to crash into me like that?>

Thud: <You should have just stayed out of my way. You're the slow one, after all!>

Both fast biters look poised to keep arguing, before they gaze over at Littlefoot.

Screech: <Hey! I guess it worked after all!>

A short distance away from them, Littlefoot is laying, motionless, with a little bit of blood on his side. The two sharpteeth get up, and casually walk up to the longneck, licking their chops, when they hear a oh so familiar roar.

Redclaw: <Help! Could I get some help over here, bug catchers!?>

Thud: (growls in frustration) <Of all the times the big one needs help! Oh well, I guess this just means we gotta delay this little dinner date, Longneck. Hope you understand!>

They head off towards the other sharpteeth. Redclaw is getting his butt kicked now, by the two other fully grown t-Rex's, who seem to be still overpowering him. Screech and thud leap into the air, after the male sharptooth, but they both get whacked away by the other T-rex.

Redclaw and his two henchmen start running away. Chomper's father  raises his head to the sky, and let's out a loud taunt.

Papa Sharptooth: <By the way, I care about my uncle leagues more than a piece of dung like you! Why, I'd never let my family take a bite out of you. Heck, you'd probably give them gas!>

Chomper runs up to nuzzle his folks for a bit, before chirping goodbye to them, and making his way toward the ship. He's stopped in his tracks, however, by the sight of Littlefoot.

Chomper: "oh... oh no!"

The sharptooth rushes to his big brother's side. He starts crying now.

Chomper: "Oh, it's not true! no!"

The predator wipes the tears from his eyes.

Chomper: "Is this really it, then?"

Suddenly, he looks hungry again."

Chomper: "I guess... I guess Littlefoot would have wanted it this way anyway."

The sharptooth starts licking his chops, poising to take a bite out of his friend's tale.

Littefoot: "...Hey...buddy? What are you doing?"

Chomper shoots his head back up.

Chomper: "Huh?"

Littlefoot: "Sharptooth code, right? Well, it's a good idea to make sure a guy is dead first. Just saying."

Littlefoot gets up, while Chomper looks deeply embarrassed.

Chomper: "Maybe we should go back home now?"

Littlefoot: "...Good idea, little guy."

Professor: "Hey! Get over here already!"

The duo look over toward the angry voice, seeing the Professor is apparently back right beside his ship. They both start going toward the ship.

Chomper: "Um... Littlefoot? I'm sorry about all of this. It's..."

Littlefoot: (annoyed) "Could you stop for today, please? Apology accepted, whatever. I just don't wanna think about all this crap anymore!"

Chomper: "Oh... okay."

A small skip later, the ship takes off, and flies off into the sunset. The view pans out, showing Chomper's parents looking at them leave.

Papa Sharptooth: <So, what do you think?>

Mama Sharptooth: <Must be really stressful, I'd imagine.>

Papa Sharptooth: <Could be a little messed up after this, perhaps?>

Mama Sharptooth: <Maybe. Either way, it's a bad influence for him.>

Papa Sharptooth: (sighs) <I just hope our son is normal after all this is said and done.>

END



Thanks Ducky, for helping me get this together a bit at the last second. :yes.

And thanks Rhombus, for still letting me enter in the awards this year. :yes.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Sneak on September 11, 2017, 03:26:51 PM
Oo wow
never have seen this works.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on September 11, 2017, 04:37:54 PM
Yeah, this fanfiction is a few years old at this point, but I'm trying to get back into it finally, Snik.

What do you think about it? :DD
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: Sneak on September 11, 2017, 04:50:36 PM
Quote from: vonboy,Sep 11 2017 on  11:37 PM
Yeah, this fanfiction is a few years old at this point, but I'm trying to get back into it finally, Snik.

What do you think about it? :DD
well, there's a lot of reading, so I don't know, but general idea is great, and if plots of some episodes are deep and serious and consider guest characters more properly and right... I definitely would like it!!!
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: rhombus on September 11, 2017, 08:03:00 PM
Overall this was a nice return to form in a series that was dormant for about 3 years.  :) I am still collecting my thoughts for what will be my overall review for this story in the fanfiction awards, but the enjoyable humor told in a sitcom like manner is still present in the same lighthearted style that I always enjoyed.  In particular I enjoyed the playing with perspectives that happened in this chapter, with the gang obviously being horrified and probably having lingering nightmares over the "funeral" whereas Chomper's parents are concerned about Chomper coming out alright.  This is the same kind of playfulness that sucked me in years ago and I am glad to still see it remain present in the story.  :)
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: vonboy on November 15, 2017, 01:03:40 PM
Scene: A dense, dark forest in the middle of the night. A very young green longneck is meandering through it, looking scared and lost.

Longneck: "Oh, where am I now?"

Some bushes close to him rustle.

Longneck: "What was that!?"

The little longneck walks up to the foliage to inspect it.

Longneck: "Is anyone in there?"

No one replies, so the apatosaurus walk off. In front of his path, a single white feather slowly flutters down, and rest just in front of him.

Longneck: "Hmm, that's weird. Don't know of anything with white feathers like that."

A white blur rushes past him, startling him.

Longneck: "Ahh!"

The child starts running now, not in any specific direction, but just to get away from his unknown stalker. Suddenly, the ground gives way below. He's fallen into a trap.

Longneck: "Gah! What in the world have I gotten myself into!?"

The longneck feels something jump onto his back. He's too frightened to look up behind himself.

Longneck: "Wh... Who are you?"

???: (laughs) "You're out way past your bedtime, huh, little guy? Eh, probably should have listened to you're mother. Oh, well..."

The longneck finally gets the courage to look behind himself. He sees a fast biter, covered in feather, and completely white, except for his red eyes, and some red around his smiling jaws.

???: "Let's start with the left eye."



Past-O-Rama Episode 35 - Valley of the Dead

Sometimes, scary stories can lead to something even more frightening!


Scene: A small geothermal vent in the Great Valley, at night. Cera, Ducky, Spike and Petrie are gathered around in a small circle. Spike has dozed off, while the swimmer and flyer both have their ears covered, trying to not hear anymore of Cera's scary story.

Cera: "And the next morning, when his parents finally tracked down where the dumb little flathead had wandered off to, The only thing they saw was one of the trees, where that fast biter had decorated the branches in his..."

Petrie: "Shutup! Shutup! Petrie no wanna hear anymore!"

Ducky: "Yes, I do not feel so well. You do not want me to lose my dinner, Cera!"

Cera: "Hmpth! What a bunch of babies!"

Ducky: "Maybe you should tell your scary story to Chomper. He might like it better."

Cera: "Well, he ain't here, is he? I think he's still not feeling too well."

Ducky: "Hmm, I wonder if it was something he ate?"

Petrie: "You mean his uncle?" (Shivers)

Ducky: "Petrie! I already do not feel good! Urg!"

The little swimmer gets up, and runs off behind some foliage. Spike noticed his big sister is gone, and wonders off after her as well.

Topsy: "And what are you little fellas up to?"

Mr. Threehorn is standing behind Cera, looking at her lack of an audience.

Petrie: "Listening to a scary story... And Petrie not like scary stories!"

Topsy: "Ah, and it sounded like some stupid little hatchling tale to me!"

Cera: "...daaad, why you have to ruin our fun?"

Topsy: "Fun? Hmpth! This little get together is deader than the last sharptooth that messed with me!"

Topsy: "NO, no. What you all need is an actual scary story!"

Petrie: Oh no, me take no more!"

Cera: "Hmpth! Weakling."

Ducky begrudgingly makes her way back to the group.

Ducky: "Please do not make it another story of sharpteeth playing head ball. My tummy can not take anymore of that, no!"

Topsy: "No, I won't have anything nasty like that. You can't really be scared if your hurling everywhere, anyway. No, no. I'm just gonna give you tykes an actual scary story!"

The elder Threehorn clears his throat, ready to address the younglings.

Topsy: "Now, do any of you hatchlings know the mystery of the strange creature that wanders in the night, spewing strange things, and talking to himself?"

Cera: "You mean the Professor, dad?"

Topsy: "What? No, the other one! Mr. Thicknose!"

Cera: "Oh, okay. Suddenly so much less interested in this now."

Topsy: "Just shutup girl, and let me continue!"

The old threehorn clears his throat, before turning to the rest of the kids, and speaking in a more hushed voice.

Topsy: "So, do you all know the story about Mr. Thicknose's past?"

Ducky: "Um... he said he always liked to tell stories, yup yup yup."

Topsy: "I'm sure he did."

Cera: "I don't really remember anything. You'd have to ask Littlefoot, the crazy longneck that always listens to the crazy thinknose."

Topsy: "I'll just save you the time, then. He wasn't part of our herd originally. He... was already in this great valley when we first made it here."

Petrie: "Wait, other dinosaurs here before us?"

Topsy: "A great land for threehorns! And other leafeaters, I guess. Though, When we found him, in this wondrous paradise, he was talking to skeletons!"

Everyone else gasps.

Topsy: "They looked like other Thicknoses. His family, perhaps? His herd? No one knew, he would never tell us anything about it, but we would always find him talking to those bones. He seemed to be telling the dead stories.

Cera: "Talking to skeletons? Kinda stupid, if you ask me."

Topsy: "Yes, little one. Very unusual. We knew almost nothing about the old dinosaur. All that we knew, was he was probably out of his mind! So, we did the sensible thing any group of dinosaurs would do, and got rid of all those bones. I'm not one to believe in curses, but we took all of those bones to a place that was surely cursed. The valley of the dead!"

Cera: "Valley of the Dead? Actually sounds interesting!"

Topsy: "A barren valley of nothing much to eat, about a day's journey from here, following the setting of the bright circle. We thought we had finally put the whole ordeal behind us with that.

Cera: "...And here comes the but.."

Topsy "I said shut up, Cera! Anyway, The crazy old dinosaur would tell stories, but we just ignored him at first. Some of our group would tell us about what he was doing, wandering in the black of nigth, telling his stories to anyone who couldn't get any sleep."

Ducky: "Oh, I like stories when I am trying to get to sleep, yup!"

Petrie: "Yeah, just not scary ones!" (He shivers)

Topsy: "The thing is, the ones he did talk to in the middle of the night, end up gone, never to be seen again."

Petrie shivers again, and every else looks scared, even Cera a little bit.

Topsy: "Is it some curse the old one places on them? Do they learn something they're not supposed to know, and have to be taken out for it? What about those skeletons? Did he cause whatever happened to them? Dooming them to a resting place where they can never get away from his stories? To this day, no one knows why it happens. But mark my words.

The kids are shaking in fear.

Topsy: "Some say you can still hear him, wondering around in the night. Talking to himself? Talking to spirits? To the mountains? the Sky? Who even knows at this point! All I can tell you, is don't listen to the strange storyteller, or you might just end up disappearing into the darkness forever!"

The kids scream. Tria comes up to her made, motioning him to come back a little ways and have a talk."

Tria: "Topsy? Honey? What's with that whole scary story? Sounds nothing like you, to believe in that stuff."

Topsy: "Oh, I don't believe any of that dung! Made it all up. I just love scaring the kids, is all!"

Tria: "You know how curious those kids are!

Topsy: "It's fine Tria. They oughta know better, now that I';ve scared em like that!"

Tria: "Well, just look behind you."

Tops looks back at where all the scary stories were being told. All the kids are gone.

Topsy: "...oh."

Scene: The Longneck nest.

The only one at the nest is Littlefoot, Finally having fallen asleep, when his fastrunner friend wakes him up with a yell of frustration.

Ruby "I'm getting sick of this! This little biter here is making me so sick!"

Ruby walks up to the longneck nest, with Chomper following close behind her. A large leaf is wrapped around her tail.

Littlefoot: "Hey Ruby! What's wrong?"

Ruby: "Oh, mommy and daddy biter said this might be a little annoying. A LITTLE annoying, they said to me!?"

Littlefoot: "Um, Ruby?"

Ruby: "I'm sick of this for tonight. You take care of Mr. won't stop biting things, Littlefoot!"

Littlefoot: "Take care of Chomper? Why?"

Ruby walks off, not even acknowledging the longneck's question.

Littlefoot: "That's... weird. Wonder what is on her tail..."

Littlefoot: "Ow!"

The longneck looks behind him to see Chomper's jaws on his tail.

Littlefoot: "I'm still not dead, Chomper!"

Chomper: "Ah. that feels better."

Littlefoot: "What is it this time, Chomper?"

Chomper: "it's my teeth, Littlefoot. They hurt so much!"

Littlefoot: "If you're teeth hurt, then why are you biting things?"

Chomper: "I'm not biting. It's called teething, I think. It's what my mommy calls it. My teeth start to hurt really bad, and I just need something soft to teeth on."

Littlefoot: "Well, can you find something else soft then, please? I do kind of like having a tail!"

Chomper: "No, not really. Nothing else is really soft, just meat... er, dinosaurs. I mean, I can't just teeth on rocks or dirt or grass or anything like that.

Littlefoot: "Doesn't mean you get to make me feel bad, too!"

A little ways from the young ones, Bron comes walking up to Grandma Longneck, looking concerned."

Bron: "Hey, old one?"

Grandma Longneck: "I wish you'd just call me

Grandma Longneck: "What's wrong?"

Bron: "I'm kind of worried tonight. I just saw Chomper with Littlefoot in our nest. He was kind of... biting my son's tail. He's making me pretty uncomfortable. Maybe I should go and...

Grandma Longneck: "Don't worry, Bron. I'll check up on those two, and see what is up."

Bron: "Alright, I guess."

The elderly longneck walks off from her son-in-law.

Grandma Longneck: "I guess now is as good a time as any for him to learn."

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Littlefoot: "Could you please stop, Chomper!"

Chomper: "No, I can't! they still hurt so much!

The little sharptooth reaches down to Littlefoot's tail again, but he misses it. Littlefoot pulls his tail away from the teething biter, and brings it back, smacking him in the face, hard. The Sharptooth falls back, but doesn't get back up. Instead, he just rolls over on his belly, crying.

Littlefoot: "Serves you right!"

Grandma Longneck: "Oh dear!"

Littlefoot's Grandma comes out of where she was hiding to see what is the matter.

Grandma Longnenck: "Oh, you poor, poor thing!"

Littlefoot: "Grandma! Yeah, my tail hurts real bad now! He keeps on..."

The elderly longneck ignores Littlefoot, and instead gently sticks her tail under Chomper, and lifts his head up towards hers.

Grandma Longneck: "What's wrong, little one?"

Chomper: "My teeth hurt really bad. And... and he hit me!"

Littlefoot: "Hey, Grandma! I'm over here!"

Grandma Longneck: "Littlefoot! How could you! Smacking a little one when he's already in pain!"

Littlefoot: (Annoyed) "Grandma! He's a sharptooth, and he was hurting me!"

Grandma Longneck: "Would You listen to yourself, grandson! This is your friend here, and he's hurting! Like Ruby let me know earlier, Chomper's teeth are really hurting, and he doesn't have his parents around to look after him. He needs someone to look after him. Make sure he's being taken care of!"

Chomper: "Ow! OOOW! They hurt so much now!"

Grandma Longneck: "Oh... Oh dear! You better starts teething on something, then! Here, this will help you feel better!"

She picks up Littlefoot's tail, and drops it in front of Chomper, who quickly starts teething on it again.

Scene: The Mysterious Beyond, just outside of the Great Valley.

Part of the gang have started their journey. Cera, Ducky, Petrie, and Spike are heading to the Valley of the Dead, along with the Professor.

Cera: "Can't wait to get there, and see if my daddy was pulling our legs, or not! What do you think we'll find there?"

Professor: "A bunch of bones??? I mean, that's all I can think of from that stupid story your dad apparently told."

Ducky: "I do not want to see, no! Can we just go back?"

Professor: "I'm not usually the type of guy to dig up dead stuff to look at, That's more my pet's fortay,  but I guess I have to make an exception for you guys!"

Petrie: "Chomper probably like it much more. He does seem... weird like that."

Professor: "You guys still talking about that little... get together?"

Ducky: "I cannot forget about it..."

Cera: "Yeah, can't ever unsee that sharptooth funeral."

Professor: "Look, I'm sure you guys still find it disturbing, but you have to understand how they live. They usually have a hard time finding food, and... Huh, where was I going with this?"

Cera:

Professor: "Well, it's better that they eat something that's already dead, than to have to kill something first. Would you have wanted them to go out and hunt that day, then?"

Cera: "Well, no, but..."

Professor: "They kind of see it as their way of giving back. They go through life eating others, but they know they'll probably be eaten, too, someday. Kind of keeps you from thinking your above it all, I guess.

Petrie: "Me guess so."

Decky: "This is a very nice talk, friends, but can we stop it now?"

Cera: "Yeah, kinda don't wanna think about it anymore for awhile.

Professor: "...fine."

The old man looks up, and scans the horizon.

Professor: "Well, that mountain might be a good place to look. Kinda matches what Topsy said, I guess."

Cera: "Let's go, then!"

------------------------------<Commercial Break>--------------------------------

Scene: "Back at the longneck nest."

Chomper has settled down mostly, and is laying against Grandma's tail, with Littlefoot's tail still in his mouth. The little longneck still looks annoyed.

Littlefoot: "...Are you done yet?"

Grandma Longneck: "Sounds like it's time for a story, to ease the little guy."

Grandma Longneck: "A long time ago, before we even came to this valley, Our herd was still out in the Mysterious Beyond, in search of the fabled Great Valley. A place said to hold more food than you could possibly imaging, and surrounded in high walls, to keep the dreaded sharpteeth at bay!"

She suddenly looks down at Chomper, whose just staring up at her.

Grandma Longneck: "Well, the bad sharpteeth, anyway. One night, we decided to stop the trek for awhile, and rest. Littlefoot was sleeping on my back that night, and he wasn't doing too well."

Chomper: "What was wrong?"

Littlefoot covers his head with both of his front legs.

Grandma Longneck: "Oh, he was having some stomach troubles. His mother thought it was something he ate, but we never really found out. Anyway, he was asleep on my back, and I was about to enter some sleep story myself when..."

Littlefoot: "Grandma, don't..."

Grandma Longneck: "He... had a big accident."

Chomper: "What? He threw up?"

Grandma Longneck: "...Actually, it was coming out of both ends."

Chomper: "Ew!!!"

The little sharptooth started laughing, and Littlefoot started groaning, trying to stick his head in some nearby ferns in almost a futile attempt to disapear.

grandma Longneck: "And I couldn't really do anything about it, either. We weren't near any streams or ponds or anything. Just had to go on with that smell all over my back for a couple days."

Chomper: "Were you... mad?"

Grandma Longneck: "I had no reason to be angry, young one. Infact, I was deeply worried for Littlefoot. I'm greatful he kept himself together long enough for us to find some water for him.

The old longneck brings her head down to look at both of youngsters, as she brings her tail down to gently work Littlefoot's head from the foliage.

Grandma Longneck: "When you're taking care of a little one, You have to stop thinking about yourself, and think of your little one. Caretaking isn't easy, but It's rewarding, to see someone grow, and be a better dinosaur."

Scene, a small, barren valley between high rocky walls. On one end end of the valley is a gap in the wall, with a big drop. This is a small valley dug out of the top of a mountain range. The excibition crew is slowly working their way down a steep incline of loose rocks.

Professor: "'Valley of the dead' certainly describes this place pretty well. Can't even count how many different skeletons are down there.

Ducky: "Can we go back? I do not like this place. no no no."

Petrie: "Petrie agree. Me thinks bad things happen here."

Spike nods in agreement.

Cera: "Aww, lighten up, babies. I don't see anything around here that can hurt us."

Professor: "Yeah, and whatever happened, happened years ago, from how most of these scelectons look. We took the time to come here. Mind as well look around."

The human takes another look around the the base of the valley.

Professor: "Kind of reminds me of Death Valley, Actually"

Ducky: "What is death valley? Some place from where you are from?"

Professor: "Well, yes, but it's also the place you guys call home."

Cera: "What in the tarpit are you on about?"

Professor: "It's what Shartpeeth call the Great Valley, at least that's what your little meat-eating friend told me."

Cera: "Sharpteeth are that scared of our home?"

Professor: "You guys have made quite a reputation for yourselves. Sharptooth scary stories about the Valley are pretty scary, I hear. Usually involving some sharptooth kids making their way into the 'idealic land of plenty', and in their greed trying to take from the fat prey."

A tail whacks the human in the face.

Cera: "Shutup, We're not fat!"

Professor: "Hey, I"m just retelling the story, you can go whack some sharpteeth in the face later for it, if you're really feeling up to it... Anyway, The kids try to find some food in their greed, and they end up as little red spots on the valley walls."

Ducky: "Professor! Do not say such things. That sounds awful, no no no.!"

Professor: "'You can come in the valley any time you like, but you can never leave!' That's how they usually end their stories."

They're all at the bottom of the incline by now. The dinosaurs and their human companion make their way over to look at some of the bones.

Cera: "What's all here?"

Professor: "Not really sure, gang. Here, maybe this thing here my brother gave me will help."

Ducky:"How?"

The professor bends down, with his backpack on the ground, digging thrugh it."

Professor: "Ah, here it is!"

He finally pulls out a book. It reads 'Paleontology for Dummies' on the front cover, with a graphic at the lower right of the cover, the top half of a velociraptor skeleton in a similar pose of an actual 'for Dummies' book.

Professor: "Well, a book is kinda like a portable... Ruby or a Thicknose or something in a way. It just holds information about some topic, or maybe a story or something, that you can look back to later. It's a way we can keep knowledge, so that other people can know it later.

Petrie: "Don't tell Ruby you have another Ruby. She not like that!"

Ducky: "Oh, I think that she would like it.

Professor: "Now, let's see again... Ah, yes. We have some Spinosaurus, Iganosaurus, Saurolophus and a couple of what looks like young Triceratops over there. Strange, there's no adult threehorn bones here, just the little ones."

petrie: "Oh, poor things."

Ducky: "Poor everything that is here, oh no no no."

Cera: "Dumb dinosaurs died, probably from being dumb. What else is new?"

Ducky: "Cera! that is not a nice thing to say!"

Cera: "Well, I never knew any of these dinosaurs, did I? Maybe if they knew me, they'd have a little threehorn sense, and not be a pile of bones now!"

Professor: "And... nope. No Pachyrhinosaurus's here."

Petrie: "What that?"

Professor: "It's what Mr.Thicknose is... I think? It's kinda hard to tell. Never even heard of that word before until now."

Petrie: "So, big scary story not true?"

Cera: "Yeah, I knew he was trying to pull our legs. My dad is great at many things, but telling lies ain't one of em. Unless you're gullible, of course, like Chomper with that stupid, falling apart a tooth at a time story!"

Ducky: "You do not have to be so mean to Chomper all the time, Cera."

Cera: "Hmpth! I know he cares about us, or whatever. Still doesn't mean he ain't gullible!"

Professor: "Well, is there anything else you guys wanna see?"

Petrie: "Not really. Scary stories make petrie tired."

Spike is already climbing back up the rock slide.

Ducky: "I think my brother has the right idea. Let us go back then, yup."

Scene: Back at the Longneck nest.

Chomper has fallen asleep at Littlefoot's side, while the little longneck is still talking to his grandmother.

Grandma Longneck: "He is cute when he's asleep, isn't he?"

Littlefoot: "Yeah, I guess so."

Grandma Longneck: "I don't wanna sound mean, or anything, but I am kinda getting a kick out of knowing Sharptooth parents have to know what sharp teeth feel like. Must be real nice, now that's he's asleep, and not biting that tail anymore."

Littlefoot: "It's called Teething, Grandma. But yup, it's pretty nice!"

Grandma Longneck: "Well, you sound like you can take care of things form here. I'll see you tomorrow, Littlefoot. Right now, I just have the sudden urge to go relax."

She get's up, and walks away from

Scene: The bubbling Mud. Ruby is laying down on her back in it, with little more than her head sticking out of the warm mud bath.

Ruby: "Ah, this bubbling mud is so nice. So nice to be in this bubbling mud, instead of looking after chompy, for once."

The ground starts to shake, sending ripples through the mud.

Ruby: "Odd, I didn't know this bubbling mud messaged you too. I should come here more of... AHH!"

A tsunami of mud engulfs the little fast runner. After she finally pops here head out of the mess, she starts spitting mud out of her mouth, and looking around, confused.

Grandma Longneck: "You're not the only one that needs to relax tonight, missy!"

END





...





Petrie: "Ooh, it was scary! All of the bones everywhere! Me wonder what happen... anyway, Petrie fly off to nest now. Goodnight, uncle!"

Pterano: "Goodnight, Petrie."

The old flyer walks out to a cliff face, facing the Great Valley.

Pterano: "...Why? WHY must this continue to haunt me? I... I didn't mean to lead them all astray. It all happened so fast, and there wasn't anything I could do and..."

The old flyer starts breaking out in tears.

Pterano: "I... didn't mean to hurt anyone!"



EDIT: Thanks to Rhombus for letting me at least reverence some things in his 'The Seven Hunters' fanficion series. I was so rushed the day I posted this, I forget to include this here.
Title: PAST-O-RAMA
Post by: rhombus on November 19, 2017, 09:51:58 PM
And instead of Ruby getting swamped with her parental duties she gets swamped by Grandma Longneck.  :p This was quite a nice chapter that had several plot elements going on at once.  First, the parental element between Chomper and Littlefoot was nicely done, as was Littlefoot's turn to be embarrassed by his grandparents bringing up an embarrassing time from his hatchling days.  Also the conflicting instincts between caring for a child (Chomper) and not getting one's tail eaten was also a delight to read. The story-telling segment and Topps' trolling of the kids was quite amusing to read as well, though I feel the professor's journey could have been elaborated upon a bit more.  That being said I quite enjoyed this chapter and look forward to the next chapter.  :)