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Ducky123

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Ducky123's fic
« on: April 30, 2013, 06:03:57 pm »
Finally Ducky123 decided to post his first fanfiction, which is still unnamed, here at the best place to share one's fanfictions: The Gang of Five's Fanart and Fanfiction section  :wow

The plot is quite similar to the original( Actually it is a parallel story/ alternative story to the Original movie).
I hope you'll enjoy reading my fic  :p

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prologue:
It's night at the Great Valley, the Great Nightcircle shines. All saurusses are sleeping,
snoring sounds from everywhere, the Thundering Waterfalls are thundering as always and the
little crawling creatures, who sit in the grass and are awake at night - in contrast to the most of the
saurusses - make their strange, mysterious noices.
But they all had no idea that their nests were on a powder keg, which would explode very soon.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, I'm always thankful for feedback may it be positive or negative! And of course you always can ask questions, if there are some, and tell me, what you think will happen in the next chapter(s) :yes

Special thanks to somerandomfangirl, who corrected some little grammar and word mistakes! You're great  :exactly
hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

Nahla

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« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2013, 06:08:55 pm »
Interesting.

Short but it was a Prologue after all.

Can't wait for the chapters :D.

somerandomfangirl

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« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2013, 06:24:27 pm »
Hehe, I get an advanced viewing, since I'm correcting the English translations. Yes, I'm evil. :lol

Anyway, nice to see it, Ducky! I'll get those other chapters back to you as soon as I can. I'm nearly done with them, anyway. :D

Zimba

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« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2013, 03:32:34 am »
Interesting,now I'm the only one in our little group with any fic/art up
I must change that at once!.

Ducky123

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« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2013, 01:20:33 pm »
Chapter 1: The ground is shaking at the Great Valley

Littlefoot woke up, since the ground was shaking a bit. That was nothing unusual, since earthquakes were frequent in the Great Valley. He stood up, stretched his little body and searched for his mother. She had just gone off to bring her little Littlefoot something  to eat.
The rest of his family were in the nest and were all still asleep. Littlefoot's father, a handsome longneck who was feared by all Sharpteeth, who liked to go adventuring, Littlefoot's grandfather,  an old and wise longneck, who always had a lot of advice, who always tried to dispute resolusion when the old threehorn had a bad temper and found someone to argue with, and who still isn't rosty in spite of his advanced age, and Littlefoot's grandmother, who's still a good walker like her husband and very wise, too.
He stayed quiet since he didn't want to wake up his family and watched the odd and flying buzzing things and the flyers, who gracefully flew around, but after a short time he got bored . He just debated whether he should wake up his father, when a well-known voice called his name:
"Littlefoot, come on little one! Breakfast!"
Littlefoot couldn't speak yet, but he would someday, he knew that. He was happy since his boredom ended. Looking forward to getting something to eat he ran as fast as his little legs allowed him to towards the tree that his mother had chosen to have breakfast at. However, while he was running the earth shook again - this time considerably stronger than the one that had happened earlier – and it made Littlefoot tripand fall. His mother tried to reach him, also unsteady on her legs since the earthshake was stronger than usual in the Great Valley.
"Are you ok, little one?" she asked her only son. Littlefoot stood up, walked towards his mother and laughed.
He was a brave little Longneck compared to other dinosaur children, who were extremely frightened when the earth was shaking.
Now that Littlefoot's Grandparents and his father were wide awake they had breakfast together eating tasty treestars. Then they went to the watering place with the best water that can
be found, but there was a bad surprise waiting for them...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The chapters will be longer later in the fic :)
Thanks for the feedback so far
 :wow

Zimmy: I look forward to read your fic or fanart you might draw :yes
hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

vonboy

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« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2013, 02:02:47 pm »
Not much yet, but it looks like its gonna get exciting next chapter. Looking forward to it.

Seeing other's here getting their fic's underway makes me feel bad that I can't bring myself to get much writing done. :(

Ducky123

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« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2013, 02:05:56 pm »
that's sad to hear vonboy :( I hope it'll become better for you soon :yes
I'm still busied with PAST O RAMA so there's no need to hurry :P:
Thanks for the feedback anyway :angel
hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

Dosu2Dinner

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« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2013, 03:38:37 pm »
Nice work! Its certainly an interesting take on the concept of Littlefoot having a full family...can't wait to see what'll happen next... :lol:

Sorry about your predicament vonboy.  :(

Ducky123

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« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2013, 03:38:20 pm »
Chapter 2: Something's wrong

Even a while before they arrived at the watering place Grandpa noticed that the temperature was higher than usual in the Great Valley, and the others noticed as well. Littlefoot let himself be carried by his father due to the heat.
A few moments before the Longnecks arrived they smelled an odd stink which they had never smelled before. When they finally arrived at the watering place, the stink was so strong that Littlefoot hid his head in the back of his father.
They weren't the only Great Valley residents who were gathered at this watering place, which was cooking and emitting malodorous fumes.
It had spread well that the watering place changed to the disadvantage of the Great Valley residents since nearly everyone of them was gathered there.
The Threehorns, the Spiketails, the Flyers, the Swimmers and many more kinds stood around the overheating lake with some distance and talked to each other loudly.
"I'm sorry, my son, I doubt we can drink here today!" Littlefoot's father told him. "The watering place has changed and it stinks worse than the breath of a sharptooth."
Littlefoot's grandparents were about to add something, when a very loud voice shouted:
"SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"                                                                                                        
The little Longneck was very frightened by this so he hid even more.
Suddenly there was dead silence . Only the continuing bubbling of the watering place could be heard. The old and cantankerous Threehorn had to say something.
"Have you ever experienced something similar, my friends? Day after day earthshakes happen and now our best watering place brings death when any of us drink the water or take a bath in it. What does that mean?"
The oldest resident, Mr. Thicknose - a Threehorn without horns, just some little roundings on his head, who had been everywhere and was known as being the wisest in the Great Valley - came to the fore and replied, "Well, the numerous earthshakes aren't uncommon, far-walkers told me that.
It'll pass. They also told me that this strange stink appears near fire pits, but I can't see any." Talking to himself he added, "But I have to admit that the temperature's higher than usual in the Valley."
A murmur went through the gathered herds. Meanwhile all herds arrived at the watering place
without exception.
The old threehorn stomped his foot and yelled, "Silence! Of course it is hot here when the water is boiling! Rather tell us why it is that hot!"
Littlefoot's Grandpa replied, "Threehorn, we already felt the higher temperature in the big Treestar woods, which lie between our resting place and the watering place!"
"Yeah! We also felt it in our cavern!" the Flyer Mommy told them, "and the winds are completely  
different today! It's very easy to fly without flattering much!"
Again they started to chatter in a mess.
"Silence!" the Threehorn roared again so that Mr. Thicknose could continue talking:
"Yeah! Warm air supports you Flyers better than cold air, therefore you can't fly well while the... "
He got no further due to another heavy earthshake that hit the Great Valley, a hollow grumbling
and thundering coming out of the watering place. Suddenly a big amount of boiling water noisily shot out of the watering place reaching a huge height that was much higher than Littlefoot's father's head was.
The gathered herds panicked and fled from the watering place.                                                                                                                                  
Littlefoot cried, scared, as his family moved back from the watering place.
Then, as suddenly as it began, the watering place stopped waterspitting...

hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

Dosu2Dinner

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« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2013, 05:04:46 pm »
Hmm...so, watering hole trouble, I see?

I'm enticed to see what the issue is here.  :lol: Keep writing!

Nahla

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« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2013, 05:11:51 pm »
Is Littlefoot a baby? Too cute,

And love how his whole family is there including his Mother.

Ducky123

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« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2013, 05:32:52 pm »
thanks Nahla and Dosu  :wow

currently Littlefoot is only a few weeks old(--> he can't speak yet) so you could call him a baby/hatchling :)

I let him have his whole family since I thought it'd give me more ideas for the plot. I can tell you I was right. I'm not sure I'd be still writing my fic, if I hadn't his parents in it... :lol:
hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

jansenov

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« Reply #12 on: May 06, 2013, 09:05:03 am »
That the characters immediately notice the hotter air and changed winds betrays your interest in meteorology.  ;)  Which is a good thing. The more angles LBT is viewed from, the better.

Now the darn technical details. Unlike in German, in English the subordinate clause is not separated by a coma, and the English conjunction "when" is used less often than the German conjunction "wenn", so in some situations it is better to translate "wenn" as "if", "because" or some other conjunction (e.g. "because the water is boiling" not "when the water is boiling"), depending on context.  Some words are also used wrongly ("stink", "reported", "flattered"), but that is more Random's fault for not correcting you than your own.

I'll be following this story. Please keep on.  :yes

Ducky123

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« Reply #13 on: May 06, 2013, 11:49:43 am »
Thank you, jansenov :)

I'll correct my mistakes.

Quote
That the characters immediately notice the hotter air and changed winds betrays your interest in meteorology. wink.gif Which is a good thing. The more angles LBT is viewed from, the better.
Hehe, you're right :yes

Quote
I'll be following this story. Please keep on. in-yes.gif
Don't worry, I currently have written about 20 chapters so even if I get writer's block I'll have a lot of chapters to post ;) I just wanted to make sure that I will finish my fic, likely   :smile
hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

somerandomfangirl

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« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2013, 12:52:45 pm »
Okay I need to get my act together if I'm doing this correcting business, since it seems I'm not doing a very good job. I'll redo it all when I have time and send it to you, Ducky, then you can edit the posts. Sorry for not doing so well. I'll try better this time and not ruin it for you. :( :oops

The only other thing I can recommend is to find someone else who will do a better job, but we've already discussed this I suppose.

Again, I'm really sorry... :(

jansenov

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« Reply #15 on: May 06, 2013, 05:03:26 pm »
^Don't take it too much to heart. Nobody is asking for perfection here. The text flows pretty well already. But I do believe that correcting the most obvious mistakes takes only a little bit more time than reading the text itself.

Ducky123

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« Reply #16 on: May 06, 2013, 05:13:22 pm »
I think you're right :)

I'm happy, if you can correct the grammar mistakes, somerandomfangirl, and I think you did that job  well :yes
Quote
Don't take it too much to heart. Nobody is asking for perfection here
My opinion as well :yes
hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

somerandomfangirl

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« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2013, 05:45:15 pm »
Yeah...

I guess I have been a little under pressure lately and I should wait until I'm more able to focus before forcing myself to do things which will end up rushed and not done properly. Hopefully I'll get a better correction to you soon, Ducky. I shall wait until I'm not as stressed out from things like school (which has been a BIG pain lately), and life in general before doing things so I can get it done right. Sorry again for being a disappointment.

Ducky123

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« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2013, 10:24:34 am »
again a huge Thank You for you, somerandomfangirl :yes

so here's the next chapter, I guess you'll enjoy it :D

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Chapter 3: A lot of dispute

After a few minutes had passed the Great Valley residents calmed down.
"What happened?" the old  Threehorn shouted, it could be seen that he was very furious. He hated everything that changed in the Great Valley, especially if it threatened the life of his three daughters; Cera, Cara and Candy.
"It seems as if a hot spring is lying under this watering place!" Grandpa assumed, puzzled.
The Threehorn answered, "Yes, Longneck, you might be right, but none of the hot springs        
we know stinks so abominable like this one!"
"This is no ordinary hot spring, that's for sure!" Mr. Thicknose added. "I haven't seen anything like
that so far!"
"You haven't seen something like that?!?" the Threehorn raged. "All of us thought you knew everything, Thicknose, and that you have been everywhere!"
"How should I-I..." Mr. Thicknose stammered.
"All of us thought you'd know what would have to be done, but if you ask me, he doesn't know anything!" the Threehorn roared.
"But-"
"Shut up!!! Go away from here and never come back! That's an order!"
"Hey! Calm down... let's find a resolution in peace!" Littlefoot's Grandpa suggested.
"Exactly, we can't always make solutions since you always have to argue!" Littlefoot's Grandma added sending the Threehorn an accusative glare.
The gathered residents quarreled and quarreled with the old Threehorn, who throughout didn't
want to change his opinion, until the Swimmer Mommy reminded them to take care of their children.
Thereupon the old Threehorn also relented, "Well! We'll discuss that further, when our little ones
are in their nests!"
All of them agreed so every herd went their ways.
So did Littlefoot's herd.
As the Bright Circle disappeared behind the Great Wall, which shielded the Great Valley from
Sharpteeth and other dangers, and as the Night Circle appeared, it was time for Littlefoot to go
to sleep. His mother brought him a water- filled treestar since Littlefoot often became thirsty
during the night. Just as she went to nuzzle him Littlefoot said something.
"Stinky!" All of his herd heard it, and within a blink of an eye all of them stood around the little one.
"He said 'stinky'?" Littlefoot's father excitedly asked.
"I think so!" Littlefoot's mother whispered and hissed, "Don't be so loud, Bron, you're gonna wake up the whole Valley!"
"Forgive me, dear!" he answered, now with damped voice. "But this father thing's simply incredibly exiting! To see how my son grows up and learns, it makes me completely fidgety!" He grinned at his mate, who cuddled her neck against his.
Littlefoot's Grandparents looked at each other and smiled.
"He's already asleep!" Littlefoot's Grandma  stated.
"Now then, let's discuss with the other adults what has to be done!" Littlefoot's Grandpa suggested. So they walked towards the formerly best watering place in the Valley.                    

After all of the kids were taken to their nests, the adults met again to discuss whether Mr. Thicknose should stay or not and what to do against the odd events.
The old Threehorn started, "First of all, you're allowed to stay, Thicknose, but in spite of that I think of you as a swindler! You don't know more than the other residents, you've disappointed all of us!"
Mr. Thicknose answered on that, "Something like this hasn't happened yet, so how should I know
what to do?"
"You always affirmed that you know everything, Thicknose!" Mr. Threehorn retorted.
"Don't start arguing again!" Littlefoot's Grandpa sighed." We need to discuss what has to be done!"
"Yes, of course you're right, Longneck, but what can we do when no one can tell us what's responsible for the events of the last days?!" Mr. Threehorn said, clueless.
"We should keep out distance from the water emitting, hot and stinky watering place!" Mr. Clubtail suggested.
"We should block the watering place with rocks!" Mr. Threehorn's mate suggested.                          
"We should ask all our visitors for advice!" Littlefoot's Mother suggested.
"We mustn't lose sight of our kids!" Mama Swimmer shouted, scared - she had brought up 12 children herself and was very protective of all of them.
"We should do exactly that and wait to see how things have developed in our mysterious and dangerous world!" Littlefoot's Grandpa said.
"I agree with you, Longneck!" Mr. Threehorn said. "We can't do anything, so just wait!"
"To block the watering place with rocks isn't a good idea, if you ask me!" Mr. Thicknose got himself
included. "That won't stop whatever is lurking under that watering place!"
"Right! How could we heave them here, anyway?" Littlefoot's Father questioned.
"All right! When YOU say it, Thicknose, it must be right!" the female Threehorn shouted. The old Threehorn grunted and said with his leader voice:
"My friends, difficult times will come, but we'll survive them like we always did and will do. Let's go to sleep now!"
All of them went to their nests and fell asleep. Many of them had bad nightmares since they were all
frightened that they would have to leave the Great Valley and that their lives were in danger.
hmm, a signature? I'll think of something.

somerandomfangirl

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« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2013, 03:02:55 pm »
Ducky... I think I may have sent you the wrong file. I've noticed some mistakes that I know I definitely corrected. I'll send it to you again next time I see you on Skype. :yes

Anyway, nice to see a new chapter. :D