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Author Topic: The Swimmer Trials  (Read 16977 times)

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Ducky123

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Re: The Swimmer Trials
« Reply #240 on: January 27, 2019, 10:55:59 AM »
Already read this but I'll get to experience that joy yet again as I try to review it and not just proofread :DD

It's pretty frightening to think what a few fastbiters with the advantage of surprise can deal. To think if it had been all of Redclaw's army...
The scene was really well done. The switch between Cera and her memories was amazing and the way she solved the situation and then fell to the emotions was really touching.

Now Redclaw's cover is blown and I bet (wait, Ducky, you know this already!) that the valley won't wait to rally up against the rising thread :yes

The Valley's attack plan certainly is a good one, however they did not see the flank attack coming. What seemed like a fight with promising odds turns into a battle for survival. And some idiots are grabbing their popcorn to watch. Oh this could be entertaining.

The fight is progressing nicely. The gang has joined as well, trying to engage the enemy to their ability, however it terribly terribly backfires. RIP Nod you will (not) be missed lol.

Chaos breaks out and with combined efforts and a lot of luck they kill Redclaw and utterly defeat the enemy however it comes with a price... So many deaths. Perhaps the worst is the loss of Ali. I really hope that there will be more than enough screen time covering her coping with this terrible loss. :(

This chapter is unmistakably one of your best to date. Both action and emotion convince and the chapter despite its alarming length was well structured and the scenes were all well thought of and well written. The battle certainly had me on the edge and I believe the pacing was just right, giving the action enough time to unfold yet not dragging it unnecessarily.

I really have nothing to complain here so I'll just say it again. Nice work mate that was a great and mind-blowing read!  :PAli
Note to self: finally create that signature lazy bum! :P