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rhombus

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Mender's Tale
« Reply #40 on: February 20, 2017, 05:28:08 PM »
Chapter 16 (part 1): A Path Crossed

As Orchid adapts to pack life, echoes of Mender's past come into focus.  Namely how and her now former packmates resolve their feelings of Mender's choice.  Meanwhile, beyond the traveling pack, lingering dangers still remain, waiting to be realized.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/18/Mender-s-Tale


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Mender's Tale
Mender's Tale.

rhombus

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Mender's Tale
« Reply #41 on: March 15, 2017, 01:48:28 AM »
Chapter 16 (part 2): A Path Crossed

As Mender and the others head towards Seeker's territory, she reminiscences about her first days as a member of the pack... meanwhile, in the lands of the hidden runners, trouble is afoot.  Wrok and his new allies make a ruthless attempt to permanently eradicate a rival of Questor's, and to seal an alliance the may put one of them on the Scrape of the hidden runners.  But at what cost?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/19/Mender-s-Tale

rhombus

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Mender's Tale
« Reply #42 on: March 27, 2017, 01:53:06 AM »
Chapter 16 (part 3): A Path Crossed

As Mender and the others continued towards the pack's lands, we see that a certain flyer has discovered their advance.  Meanwhile, we finally see where one of the hidden runner scouting parties have gone to... and it is straight into Verant's path.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/20/Mender-s-Tale

rhombus

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Mender's Tale
« Reply #43 on: April 10, 2017, 12:35:30 PM »
Chapter 17: Partings and Homecomings

The aftermath of the attack on Verant's son continues to play out, as Mender and her pack finally reach the lands of Seeker and his comrades.  Meanwhile, in the past story, we see the parting of the packs from Mender's perspective.  For a brief, happy moment she is reunited with those whom she parted from years prior.  But how long will this happiness last?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/21/Mender-s-Tale

Ducky123

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« Reply #44 on: April 23, 2017, 12:34:17 PM »
It's been a while since I read the last chapter of this. Gotta get back into the story, I guess.

First my review of chapter 15, I may or may not do another chapter :)

The first scene is... I don't quite know how to call it. Violet and Tracker are having a talk about what had transpired earlier as well as Violet's responsibility as an adult to decide where to stay in the future. Certainly, I'm curious what her decision will be in the end and how the present-day situation came to be from there :yes

All that talk about the challenge has made me curious. Wonder what Orchid will end up having to do. :)

Dodger is still unchanged, huh? :p The conversation with Taunt was quite surprisingly of civilised nature, considering how both males act like at times. Quite a good scene I think, the conversation seemed to flow well and the thoughts of both added to the overall understanding :)

The whole situation still seems to be very confusing though. Certainly a very introspective chapter so far... not that I'm complaining of course ;)

An interesting challenge Orchid has to face :smile

Aha! So Violet wants to stay with the Seven Hunters! I wonder if she has a secret reason for that choice :lol

Orchid passed. I don't get how people like you always come up with such curious names though :p

Well, reading that chapter took me most of a 3hrs drive so I won't be reviewing any further chapters for now. Definitely another good one! ^^spike
Note to self: finally create that signature lazy bum! :P

Ducky123

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« Reply #45 on: April 29, 2017, 10:04:24 AM »
Chp 16:

Gee, Fastrunners seem to be thinking about those other pleasures in life a lot these days :p

Orchid seems to adapt well, I wonder what adventures Mender's pack will have to face on this journey...

Oh Mender, so this is how you joined Seeker's pack? Those scenes were really well done :)

Tracker seems to be in favor of Dodger's idea for their future and their antics remind me a lot of Seeker and Ponder :lol

Guess an old lone Threehorn is still to big for their pack to bring down? :p Hidden Runners are pretty small, aren't they?

Oh, reading about hunts is always super fun! ^^spike

And we leave with a mysterious touch of Rainbowface gibberish. Honestly, that last scene was quite good at making me curious for the next chapter again :p

rhombus

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« Reply #46 on: April 30, 2017, 02:05:53 AM »
Thanks for the reviews, Ducky!  :) Yep, Orchid bit off a bit more than he could chew with the threehorn, but he still managed to distract him by being a troll.  Though it is probably a good thing that Orchid did not trip...

Though now you are in chapter 16, also known as the chapter that would not end.  :p It has three parts and... well... lets just say that things begin to come to a head in the later parts of that chapter...

Ducky123

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« Reply #47 on: April 30, 2017, 03:56:09 PM »
yeah, I noticed just how bloody lengthy your chapters get lately :p Not that I'm complaining... it just takes a while to read ^^spike

rhombus

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« Reply #48 on: May 18, 2017, 02:07:16 AM »
Chapter 18: A Big Leap

As Gyors is transported to the pack for treatment, Mender reminisces about her initial time as a new pack member.  Mender and the pack are able to have a moment of peace before the dire news reaches their ears, and turns their world upside down.  Now the consequence of the fight has reached the pack.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/22/Mender-s-Tale

rhombus

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« Reply #49 on: June 28, 2017, 10:34:31 PM »
Chapter 19: Fish of the same stream

As Gyors' treatment proceeds, an insidious plot is brought to a conclusion.  But will the conclusion of one underhanded scheme unleash more harm than good.  Meanwhile, in the past, Leap and Verant find themselves in a desperate struggle for survival.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/23/Mender-s-Tale

rhombus

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« Reply #50 on: September 05, 2017, 02:47:24 AM »
Chapter 20: First do no harm

As the pack deals with the aftermath of the events of the previous night, a plan is made to give assistance to the survivors.  Meanwhile the intrigues of the hidden runners continue to entangle even more within its grasp.  Though as we see the personal struggle of those in the conflict, the followers and the leaders alike, who can really be said to be the enemy?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/24/Mender-s-Tale

rhombus

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« Reply #51 on: October 17, 2017, 10:35:49 AM »
Chapter 21: A medical situation (part 1)

The journey to the hidden runner refuges begins in earnest while, back at the pack's territory, the children are told a story about the pack's past by Leap.  Meanwhile the hidden runner conflict continues unabated with plots occurring in both the home of Ignis and her foes.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/25/Mender-s-Tale

rhombus

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Mender's Tale
« Reply #52 on: December 22, 2017, 02:49:39 AM »
Chapter 22: A medical situation (part 2)

Dodger and Leap's journey back to their pack runs into a bit of a snag as a new face appears on the horizon.  Meanwhile, in the present, Orchid and the others tend to the injured as they see first-hand the costs of war.  Elsewhere the hidden runner plots continue to materialize as everyone tries to maintain or gain power.  But in the end what will be the cost?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/26/Mender-s-Tale

Sovereign

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« Reply #53 on: December 23, 2017, 01:58:51 PM »
Once again, this chapter added more depth and intrigue into the already-complex game that is unfolding and I must say, they worked quite nicely as always. I especially liked Dodger and Leap's encounter with the big runner as well as Orchid and Mender's efforts to help the injured hidden runners. Those parts contained nice dialogue and they provided us with simple but effective ways in understanding their ways of thinking and acting in dangerous situations (like Orchid's words to the young hidden runner). It may help that they contained my overall favorite original characters in this tale but nevertheless, I enjoyed them quite a bit.

As for the developments with Ignis and her group, it seems they are readying to counter Wrok's bid for power in full swing. We didn't get a good idea about Ignis' proposition to Prizo but it seems she is recruiting more dinosaurs to her plan in addition to Penol. In any case, the major conflict between the two sides is approaching fast. On a side note, I'm still not sure if the hidden runners' human-like titles work really well but that's just a minor detail. It'll be interesting to see what kind of message Questor sent to the Valley but it certainly seems we have a new major player in the grand scheme of things. However, this chapter, due to the many differing scenes and overlapping plotlines, was occasionally rather challenging to follow but it wasn't too serious.

But still, things moved on with a good place. There weren't any major shocks but it seems like Wrok's position is soon going to be challenged. Also, it's likely that Orchid and Mender won't be just be left alone in Wrok's quest for dominance. It's rather nice to have the other part of the story told from a friendly, family-centric perspective while also keeping the intrigue up with the second half of the fic. In any case, it'll be interesting to see what are the combatants' next moves.
« Last Edit: December 23, 2017, 02:05:58 PM by Sovereign »

rhombus

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« Reply #54 on: January 23, 2018, 03:47:01 AM »
Interlude 2: A plan is hatched

The drama of the hidden runners continues as pack obligations force actions that neither side is comfortable with.  All the while the question remains: whose side is Dravos really on?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/27/Mender-s-Tale

Also here is my response with regards to your previous review, Sovereign, which I have included on the fanfiction.net copy of the chapter as well:

I am glad that you thought that the dialogue and interactions between Orchid and the children, and with the others, worked well to convey their manner of thinking and reacting to the situation they find themselves in. As for the hidden runner plotlines there is a lot going on which is part of the reason for this interlude to clarify some of the developing plotpoints on that side of the ledger. I don't want to create a story like the "A song of ice and fire" where one has to backtrack 100 pages just to remember why a character was important in the grand scheme of things. Though, admittedly, it can be challenging to reach a balance as far as complexity is concerned. The next chapter will return to a more balanced focus.

Thanks again for the review and helpful feedback.  :)

Sovereign

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« Reply #55 on: January 24, 2018, 05:20:49 PM »
This chapter certainly was an interesting one as we took a deeper look into the way Ignis' and Wrok's followers see the overall situation. The first part of the chapter with Blluntbeak was simultaneously believable and amusing with the messenger's overly honest personality and the extremely serious situation coloring that scene greatly. Greenshade's parts also worked nicely and those characters' storylines are certainly developing quickly.

The situation building in the first scene was quite impressive and in addition to the points I mentioned earlier, Ignis' reasoning on the issue and her explanations to Penol were rather enlightening also. I liked Bluntbeak's character and little by little, Wrok's followers are getting fleshed out. He and Greenshade are leading their own storylines but together they certainly open new possibilities for interesting plot developments inside the villain's herd. Wrok's speech only underlined this herd's motives and loyalties.

Also, Penol's role as a hesitant but dutiful servant to Ignis is an interesting one and her nervousness even seems to resemble that of the younger Violet. However, unlike her, the hidden runner at least seems to know her own worth and her responsibilities. She seems to be struggling to getting used to her new position but at least she has Ignis and Dravos guiding her. It'll certainly be interesting to see where her journey will take her.

All in all, the clear focus on the hidden runners in this chapter allowed them to be fleshed out further and this installment created more potential interesting developments for the future. Are Wrok's followers too bound by tradition to ever question him or will they follow him all the way to the end? We'll see in the coming chapters.

rhombus

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« Reply #56 on: March 13, 2018, 02:17:59 AM »
Thank you for the reviews, Sovereign, both on the forum and on fanfiction.net.  Though I have taken to only commenting on them on fanfiction.net, rest assured that I greatly appreciate your interest in the story.  :)

Chapter 23: A Tiny Problem

The tale of how Mender became a widely-known name in the Mysterious Beyond continues, as the group of healers tends to their fallen comrade.  Along the way forgotten companions return to both help and annoy the healers.  However, unbeknownst to Mender, they will soon set into motion events that will make her the healer she is today.  For even an incomplete or false narrative can often lead to the shaping of reality.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11964771/28/Mender-s-Tale

Ducky123

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« Reply #57 on: March 14, 2018, 08:30:12 AM »
Time to pick it back up after several months!

I left off at chp 16, going to review the 2nd part.

The names of the three fastbiters are well chosen (and of course we already know them but now there's a context to Tracker and Dodger's new names.

I think my favourite scene was the scene of the two meeting Thud's pack and becoming a member. Wonder if they're going to hunt the very same herd than the Hunters :P

The last part was quite something, changing the mood of the chapter drastically. Due to the extended time I've been away from the story I do not remember very well what the current situation in the hidden runner community is but I think what I understood is that Wrok assaulted an enemy pack of hidden runners who were allied with Verant and Staza. Poor Ovie tho :(

Well, since I'm going to catch up in the next days and weeks I might add a couple more reviews to my posts whenever they're done. No point in double posting all the time ^^spike

-----

Review of part 3:

Well, that was an intense and action-filled last part of this chapter! There were many interesting developments such as the fact that the ambigious hidden runner deputy apparently didn't have any back-up :P I do wonder how that translates to Wrok's forces...

The conversation with his son was very well done but once again the curiosity of a child may lead to fatal events. Oh I'm on the edge of my seat and I'm glad I don't have to wait for the next chapter right now :D
« Last Edit: March 15, 2018, 10:32:01 AM by Ducky123 »

Sovereign

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« Reply #58 on: March 16, 2018, 04:05:26 PM »
This chapter certainly provided us with a different kind of plotline and to my surprise, the tiny biters actually worked far better than most of comic-relief like characters most often do for me. They provided this installment with a nice, original touch while also closing this past storyline in a good, memorable manner. Their role also advanced the character development with Violet nicely while also tying it to the primary plot in a more concrete way than I had anticipated.

Usually I hate stupid-acting, oddly-speaking characters but for some reason, I actually enjoyed the tiny biters' behavior in this chapter. The way Mender and the others tried to reason with them, their later role in the chapter as well as the Mendsy-gag were really fun and managed to turn this monster of a chapter into a nicely flowing, approachable part which had far more substance than the beginning promised. It seems like Mender needed someone clearly more useless and weaker than her to begin her transformation into the dinosaur we've seen in the present-day arc. I liked her thoughts about the whole situation as they showed her confidence at her own skills for the very first time.

Indeed, the subtle humor and the excellent pacing managed to turn this chapter into one of my favorite ones in the later parts of this story. I'm also curious what consequences Nunti's visit will have later on. Even then, it's more than clear at this point that even this small rescue trip will tip the balance of power in the future, this subtle development being another impressive detail of this chapter. Well done with this one! :)

rhombus

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« Reply #59 on: March 16, 2018, 05:06:31 PM »
Thank you both for your reviews.  I greatly appreciate hearing your thoughts on the developments in the story.  :)

@Ducky123
I am glad to see that you have time to read more of the story, and I am grateful for your comments.  :) As for the mood whiplash in chapter 16... yeah... in many ways that is the beginning of what will commence in the crisis of the second act.  Now that the players have been established in this evolving drama, the game is about to begin.  As for what that "game" is... well, we will just have to see.  As looks will be deceiving for much of the story.

@Sovereign
As for the tiny biters, I must admit that those characters (though fun to write) were a subject that caused Historian1912 and I the most grief as we had to rewrite them and about 30k of roleplay in order to make the tone flow well with the story.  So it relieves me immensely to know that it worked out in the end.  :yes We will have a bit of a bonus scene probably posted as a separate story in the next few weeks that shows part of what happened in the roleplay that inspired this story, but which had to be cut out in order to fit the tone of the story.  I think it sheds a bit of light on Tracker as a character, and I consider it canon in this continuity, but I think you two will see why it had to be cut out and posted separately.