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Author Topic: TLBT Fanfiction series  (Read 1944 times)

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OwlsCantRead

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #40 on: October 06, 2018, 11:08:44 am »
"Will she be alright? Will mother be alright?"
uhhhhhhhhh yeah we know how this ends :(

Great job with the chase description from Littlefoot's point-of-view! We don't know much of what he thinks in this specific chase scene (besides obviously, abject fear) in the film, so his steadfast insistence on saving Cera when she's frozen stiff and then runs the wrong way is a very apt way of showing his leadership traits and "no one left behind" quality even this early on in his life.
A quaint creature who soars when the Night Circle is highest in the dark sky, messing up his circadian rhythm in the process. Truly, a tragic flyer.

In terms of LBT, love to write stories! :)
Current Fics: Waves Crashing Upon the Sky, Five Stages of Grief, Scrambled Eggs, and Our Safe Haven.



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rhombus

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #41 on: October 07, 2018, 01:03:56 am »
This was an excellent retelling of the chase scene in the original film!  This accomplished two very different objectives quite nicely - it captured the urgency of the moment and it also captured the interactions between the two dinosaurs very well as they ran for their lives.  Both of these objectives could have ended up disrupting the other, but you succeeded in allowing each to compliment the other.

Now the emotional wrenching scene awaits us... Though it will, as always, be a difficult read due to the subject matter, I look forward to seeing how you handle this in the tale.  :yes


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Mender's Tale
Mender's Tale.

Ducky123

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #42 on: January 08, 2019, 02:51:20 pm »
 Time to continue this one as well!

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Part 2:


*snap*

The longneck had to rear back in order to dodge a bite following a quick charge of predator. Now she'd have to use every trick imaginable that her folks had taught to her. Backup was unlikely as she had taken it upon herself to go look for the boy. She'd have to settle this herself.

The sharptooth grimaced as his attack was being repelled. A longneck who reared up was a huge danger. He may have been large but the longneck was even more gigantic. Their weapons were evenly matched; it was size and brute strength versus his deadly arsenal of claws and teeth and his wit. It was a match between two equal opponents.

Littlefoot's mother tried to land a hit at the retreating sharptooth, however the predator switched back into attack mode immediately, causing the longneck to sidestep out of harm's way. Both combatants became more reserved, more careful, each respecting and acknowledging the strength, skill and experience of the other. A single blow could be harmful or even fatal for both parties though more so for the leafeater.

"I don't think I can attack recklessly here..." the longneck pondered as she was moving backwards, gritting her teeth at the predator, not letting him slip out of her sight even once. She'd have to achieve either of two options in order to save Littlefoot as well as herself.

"Defeat him or make him scared..."

Of course simply running for it was also an option, however that would not ensure Littlefoot's safety, not to mention that this individual was extremely determined to get a meal out of her; the fact that he was taking on a longneck who clearly knew how to fight was evident to that.

"I've got to discourage that sharptooth instead of retreating!" With that in mind to boost her spirits, she changed the angle her body was positioned in regards to the red-eyed beast, bringing her tail in position to attack. Putting all her strength into the blow, she aimed for the sharptooth's chest. However, he got wind of her plans, just a moment too late though. The meateater reared back, attempting to leap out of the longneck's range but only half succeeded. While in mid-air, the tip of the massive tail made contact with his thighs, the additional push, while not really adding to his injuries from the previous chase, throwing him off balance. With a resounding thud, several pebbles bouncing a little into the air, he fell flat on its back. A triumphant look was on the longneck's face; the sharptooth was down and within range to step on and crush. However, she was puzzling for a second to run while she could, pick up Littlefoot and make a beeline for it.

It was this second of hesitation that ruined her only chance to kill the sharptooth - stomping on its chest might've just crushed the vital organs. By the time she had made up her mind, the predator was already in the process of getting back onto his feet and the longneck suddenly knew that she had wasted her chance. Cursing, she raised her tail again, determined to make the best out of the situation still, to push the sharptooth who was growling in rage from his feet again but he had enough time to brace himself for the impact, taking the painful hit to the side of his head and neck, enduring it, staggering.

But not falling...

"Not good!" Before the longneck was able to return to her defensive pose, the predator rushed forward, using his massive skull as a means of ramming into the longneck's flank to give her a taste of her own medicine. Littlefoot's mother staggered and groaned as her rips ached, thrown off balance. Two more of these head-butting attacks and she ultimately lost her footing, toppling over and whirling up a cloud of dust.

*

Some distance further uphill, the two children made an important discovery.

"Littlefoot, look! That rock!"

"What about it?" the little longneck inquired in response to the little orange threehorn.

"It should be a good place to hide, dummy!" the girl replied, snarky and teasing as he had gotten to know her. Littlefoot's gaze wandered over to the rock in question. The two children had sprinted past a narrow rock bridge which had been flanked by deep ravines to both sides. They had then entered a path neither broad nor narrow, a steep slope to both sides. Behind them, there was a downward slope. Being covered by a lot of rubble, it reached several longneck lengths below. On the other side, the direction Littlefoot and Cera were currently staring, there was a landscape of scorched, craggy rock that folded into shallow but steep mountains, too steep to climb. The rock in question that Cera had suggested for hiding stood at the base of the cliff, a few meters high and about a dozen long. A narrow ravine was formed between the rock and the mountain face; it would hide them nicely indeed!

"Oh... right," Littlefoot mumbled absentmindedly, strolling over to the rock to inspect it a little closer. "Yeah, we fit in here just fine."

Cera simply gave a smug grin, taking credit for her discovery with apparent pleasure as she lead the duo into their hideout.

Littlefoot's mind was still in a turmoil. The shock of the encounter with the sharptooth was sitting very deep and the worry about his mother was eating him up. While he was out here in safety, perhaps his mother was being ripped apart this very second. The wind was still carrying the sounds of the ongoing battle up to their location and it was impossible to tell who was having the upper hand. At least, the ongoing noise told him that his mother was still alive, still putting up a fight. With a sigh, he imitated Cera and made himself as comfortable as was possible in a narrow crack... and then he waited...

*

"No!" The huge longneck cursed as she found herself down on the ground, lying on her flank which made her whole abdomen, flank and legs open to attack. The sharptooth uttered a terrible, triumphant roar upon his apparent victory, stepping closer, raising his clawed foot to slice the longneck's tender lower belly open in one swift motion. Even a single cut in that area could mean a certain victory if it was deep and bloody. A longneck was best not to attack too directly while it still obtained its weapons, however it was a whole different story if said longneck was on the ground. A wound lethal to smaller dinosaurs was still manageable for a longneck simply because it took so long for them to bleed out and to lose their strength. Unless one was lucky or reckless enough to snap the neck or otherwise inflict a critical injury to the neck, it was best to cause a lot of damage with minimum risk until their strength was beginning to fade.

"Oh no you're not!" Littlefoot's mother roared, seeing the clawed foot aim at her flesh. As adrenaline flooded her system, the longneck swung her mighty tail at the last second. An ugly sound echoed through the desolate landscape as her tail crashed into the predator's leg, which he was resting most of his weight on. The monster fell like a tree in a storm onto his side, howling in pain. The longneck used her sudden  advantage to hurry onto her feet before the sharptooth could. This time, she did not hesitate to deal the blow. She reared up in uncontained rage, fear and love transmuting into brute strength. The eye of the predator, the one that was still intact, went wide in stock as he realized the fate that was about to overcome him. In an awe-inspiring effort, he threw all his weight to the direction that was facing away from the rampaging leafeater, barely rolling out of harm's way as the massive front feet came down just where his chest hay been moments prior.

"This is no ordinary sharptooth..." the longneck deduced quickly. That she was still unharmed safe for some painful bruises was a miracle and that her opponent was alive and well even more so. Any other sharptooth would have succumbed to her wrath but not this one... not this one.

"There's nothing to gain trying to defeat it, hopefully that blow to its leg will slow it down... and if not..." Littlefoot's Mother didn't want to think about that. Her bravado was completely gone now and she didn't hesitate to turn around, entering a fast sprint to gain a headstart.

*

The minutes ran by as the Bright Circle contained to rise over the
depressing landscape. Littlefoot was pacing up and down in the little crack he and Cera had discovered. The threehorn was eyeing the nervous longneck with growing disdain, his restless pacing tugging on her mood.

"Settle down, will ya?!" she eventually barked in annoyance, giving him an angered stare. Littlefoot stopped pacing around indeed, however his energy was now directed at her.

"Oh, leave me alone, Cera!" the boy shouted in a fierce voice. The threehorn was one to talk! If her parents were fighting a sharptooth, he'd bet her his treestar (did his grandparents keep it for him?) that she'd be a mental wreck too, especially after barely escaping death herself!

"You're annoying so cut it out!" the girl demanded but Littlefoot wouldn't hear any of it.

"The hell I do, my mother is down there; and she is risking her neck to save our hides, in case you haven't noticed!"

"Humpff!!!" Cera had a response prepared, however, in the light of their predicament, provoking the agitated boy even more surely would prompt a fight and that was the least thing one should be doing under the scrutiny of a sharptooth. Thus, she, though reluctantly, kept her mouth shut.

"I'm gonna take a look!" Littlefoot announced angrily, climbing up the boulder to stick his long neck out of cover.

"Oh no..." he mumbled.

*

For about a minute and a little, the adult longneck was running uphill across hard, dusty rock, the path surrounded by even more rock. For a moment, she'd hoped that her attacker would abandon the hunt. However, the thundering footsteps behind her, which weren't her own, gave her little doubt that the sharptooth hadn't given up yet. As she was crossing a stone bridge, which was bordered by steep cliffs to both sides, she realized that she couldn't run from the beast. Despite the headstart that she had bought herself, the predator had caught up until a length behind her. Soon it would be within striking range again and her chances were surely higher if she went back to fighting. As a matter of fact, the terrain offered possibilities that she could use to her advantage. The cliffs to either side could prove to be useful if she could lure the sharptooth into a position from which she could push it down with her superior strength. Once she had reached the middle of the bridge where it was the narrowest, she abruptly decelerated from her sprint, turning around to face the sharptooth head on who slowed down as well as the longneck reared up, kicking her legs.

"I need to push him down!" she thought, retreating her neck as the sharptooth snapped after it. Frantically, she was trying to seize up a plan how to achieve her aim. She began by observing the terrain thoroughly.

"The slope towards the left is steeper and the rocks more ragged but I need to lure him towards the edge... and mustn't allow that pest to do the same to me!" It was easier said than done and the longneck was well aware of it. In order to push the predator down, she would have to strike him once positioned on the right spot, using her whip-like tail. Naturally, though, a longneck was more prone to fight on the retreat. Hence, she'd have to suppress that automatism, that instinctual response to the threat. She'd have to pressure the sharptooth into a corner from which she could carry out her scheme - and not the other way around!

"I must be brave... for Littlefoot!" That motivational thought was just the boost she needed right now. Her body was facing the sharptooth frontally which made the bloodied monster very careful, very cautious, not daring to attack frontally but also not daring to go closer the edge for a flank attack. A few threatening swings of his claws was all he managed to do. The sharptooth was hesitant, it was her chance!" Uttering a roar of her own, she charged.

The sharptooth immediately realized that he was in danger, thus taking a few steps back, teeth and claws ready to strike. However, Littlefoot's mother charged in anyway, rearing up when an attack was imminent, successfully preventing the sharptooth's attempt to hurt her. The behemoth was still too far from the edge but the opportunity was too good to let it pass unexploited. As her massive front feet came back down onto the floor, footed on all fours again, the female wheeled around in one swift movement. The predator ran to evade the terrible tail strike but the impact came, although only scratched by the tip of the longneck's tail. Quickly, he sprinted a little distance up to the other side to restructure his defense and plan his next attack.

But the longneck didn't grant the sharptooth that time.

"Die you pest!" the longneck shouted in wrath as she charged again. When the sharptooth turned around, he only saw the massive tail approaching fast  before flesh met flesh, the tail slapping his lower abdomen so vigorously that he was catapulted several meters through the air, landing just on the edge of the right slope, not as steep as the left but still quite a drop.

"Get lost!!!" Littlefoot's mother screamed in blind rage, covering the remaining distance she had put between them with one leap. The behemoth stood no chance as the longneck's tail rose, took aim and flung the most dangerous creature that walked the earth off the ledge. With a screeth of pain, the sharptooth somersaulted down the slope. The longneck did not follow the tumbling body with her gaze, immediately gaining ground, further crossing the rock bridge until the steep slope to her left (which she'd just pushed the sharptooth into) eventually gave rise to a rocky mountainscape of crooked, brown-orange rock instead.

"Littlefoot was heading this way, I'm sure..." Because, where else would he have run? There had been only one path to follow from the moment he had entered this upslope path through the scorched rocks and mountains. On another thought, it offered plenty places to hide for small children like Littlefoot. She had to find him fast and escape before the sharptooth recovered from the fall - and that, based on her experience so far, wouldn't take too long with this one...

"Littlefoot!"

*

With dread, the little longneck followed the clash of giants from his perch up the hill behind the boulder he used as a hideout, ready to slip back down if it became necessary to do so. His mother had been in grave danger many times but more and more awe mixed with his fear as the fight kept raging.

"Whoa! Mother is so strong and brave!" He said these words out loud as the sharptooth was flung from its feet.

"Heh? Did that sharptooth eat her yet?" the voice of the orange threehorn was carried up from below. Littlefoot's face distorted.

"Of course not!" he shouted indignantly," she..." Just then the little longneck saw how the extremely vicious predator was pushed off the edge by his mother.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed in excitement. "I think she won!!!"

"MY father would have just stabbed that old sharptooth, longnecks sure are weak!" But Littlefoot chose to ignore the boasting threehorn, instead continuing his observation.

"Does mother know where I am?" Littlefoot was just pondering about that when he received the call.

“Littlefoot! Liiiiittlefoooooot!!!”

"Over here, mother, over here!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, several echos of his voice returning to its origin, creating a scary soundscape.

"Stay hidden, I am going to get you!" his mother replied, her echoing voice mingling with the afterglow of his own words. The boy couldn't argue with that, lowering his long neck a little, taking his eyes off his quickly approaching mother and turning his attention back to Cera. Had he known though that the sharptooth was far from admitting defeat, perhaps he would have considered that decision more carefully...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Littlefoot's mother stands brave against Sharptooth but this fight (or shall we call it a war?) is far from being over. and we all know the inevitable result :sducky . Starting here, the scene is beginning to deviate from the relatively brief encounter the movie shows us. Part of this is because I haven't been able to conclude a line of action from the written script nor the storyboards that convincingly made sense to me. It is very important for me that characters aren't randomly switching from one location to another and to prevent that I had to fill the holes that the movie and those aforementioned sources did not provide. Thus, the whole sequence has become a bit of my own version of this epic fight, a version longer and more detailed that gives insight into the minds of Littlefoot and his mother in particular. I am a little unsure whether the balance between action, thought and descriptions is well chosen and whether the action seems rushed or not but I'm sure I'll hear it from my kind followers soon :)

I have actually written this story up to Rooter's scene already so I probably don't have to work on it for a while which gives me time to focus on other projects now. I'll probably update this story again in 2-3 weeks from now, so stay tuned :)


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Quote
"Will she be alright? Will mother be alright?"
uhhhhhhhhh yeah we know how this ends :(

Great job with the chase description from Littlefoot's point-of-view! We don't know much of what he thinks in this specific chase scene (besides obviously, abject fear) in the film, so his steadfast insistence on saving Cera when she's frozen stiff and then runs the wrong way is a very apt way of showing his leadership traits and "no one left behind" quality even this early on in his life.

Eeyup... we all know :sducky

Thanks for the review! Yes, I thought that I should include such a scene, also in foresight of the big fight they'll have one day. At least Littlefoot can rightfully argue then that he saved her ungrateful behind :P And correct, as you pointed out it is very in-character for him to go to such lengths to save a friend :)


Quote
This was an excellent retelling of the chase scene in the original film!  This accomplished two very different objectives quite nicely - it captured the urgency of the moment and it also captured the interactions between the two dinosaurs very well as they ran for their lives.  Both of these objectives could have ended up disrupting the other, but you succeeded in allowing each to compliment the other.

Now the emotional wrenching scene awaits us... Though it will, as always, be a difficult read due to the subject matter, I look forward to seeing how you handle this in the tale.  :yes

Thank you for the review! I'm glad you think so, it certainly hasn't been easy to write :D

Yeah... *that* is awaiting us. :P Trust me, I'm just as much on the edge of my seat to show you what I've come up with and I'm just as anxious to find out whether or not I nailed it  :smile
Note to self: finally create that signature lazy bum! :P

Sovereign

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #43 on: January 09, 2019, 02:47:17 pm »
This is quite a nice look into this life-changing fight, especially as the dueling perspectives create more depth into it than could be portrayed in the film. The look into Cera and Littlefoot’s problematic co-existence and the latter’s mother’s struggle showed just what amount of concern, fear and horror there was during this battle. The added dialogue made this scene feel perhaps a bit more complete and it’s true that the original scene could have been a tiny bit longer.

The arguing of the two children is portrayed very well as it is clear that Cera and Littlefoot had very differing interests in this situation. You could have perhaps even given them a bit more focus even if I see why you found the fighting more important. Also, I find it a bit weird that you’ve divided this scene into so many chapters as this installment, for example, was worth very little time in the movie. It’s not a bad thing necessarily but I still find it weird. Anyway, this installment was a pretty well written look into this part of the film. :)

rhombus

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #44 on: January 11, 2019, 02:47:12 am »
This fight is a fine example of where the use of the written word can add more detail and elaboration on a scene than can be provided through live action.  The focus on Littlefoot's mother in this scene is a nice touch I believe as it allows us (perhaps for the last time, and most certainly for one of the last times) to sense the situation from her perspective.  The fear, concern, and growing horror from her are all quite effectively portrayed here.

I certainly have no complaints for this chapter.  :) I think that you are effectively portraying a scene that is rather difficult to get right in a written narrative.  Though, as I have mentioned before, I both dread and look forward to seeing how you portray what is about to come.

Ducky123

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #45 on: February 04, 2019, 05:58:03 pm »
Part 3:

So it looks like we’ll be safe,” Littlefoot mentioned as he climbed back down into the narrow space between mountain and boulder.

“You are,” Cera muttered viciously, shooting an angry glance.

“You don’t have a clue where your herd is?” the boy wondered, slightly uneasy given the obvious threat hanging in mid-air.

“YOU wouldn’t know where your mother is if she hadn’t come to get you!!!”

“I… can’t argue with that…” Littlefoot admitted evasively. “But… surely you cam find them again? Even from up here, you can see the river I think…” Littlefoot quickly double-checked, sticking his neck out of their cover again. “Yeah, I am s…”

The remainder of his sentence completely drowned in an ear-piercing noise.

*

*ROAR*

The adult longneck stopped dead in her tracks as a terrifying, furious roar shook the very land. Anxiously, she turned around to see the sharptooth stomp the ground in blind rage and fury. Then it entered a mad sprint…

Towards her.

“Oh no…” the female cursed as the realization hit her like a slap to her face. She couldn’t fight that beast with Littlefoot clinging onto her for his bare life and she was already very exhausted. Soon, she wouldn’t have the strength to fight, the speed to dodge. She couldn’t run away; she couldn’t outrun the sharptooth; she couldn’t protect Littlefoot doing so. Fighting would be extremely dangerous. Her luck couldn’t last forever and Littlefoot would be in grave danger if she lost the square. There was only one advantage on her side… she was standing on higher terrain. It would allow her to strike from an elevated position which would add some momentum to her attacks but that wasn’t enough to boost her spirits.

The longneck kept inching backwards, keeping a close eye on the advancing predator, approaching at a terrifying velocity. Her body had already entered a protective pose long before the sharptooth arrived by instinct. She had only a few moments left to prepare a plan… for without a good strategy doom was certain.

*

“What was that?!” Cera screamed, chilled to the bone despite not willing to admit it so easily. “Didn’t you just say Sharptooth was defeated?!”

“Well, my mother pushed him down a cliff so I thought she’d gotten rid of him…” Littlefoot admitted, flinching and frowning. The behemoth could be seen climbing back up in the distance and he could see his mother turning around to face Sharptooth once again.

“This fight isn’t over yet…” the boy sighed as he noticed the threehorn girl taking a vantage point right next to him.

“They’re nearby,” she simply said in a gruff voice.

“Yeah, we’d better get back to cover…” Littlefoot suggested reluctantly. Didn’t he want to watch how amazing his mother fought? But, what if the sharptooth discovered them? No, he couldn’t risk that. Staying hidden was their best bet after all so they both scrambled back down as the restart of the battle took place…

*

“This’d better work…”

She had almost reached the top of the hill when the sharptooth finally managed to catch up to her. Judging by their previous exchange, the grown-up expected her son to remain hidden - perhaps he’d been smart enough to pick a high vantage point? Therefore, she decided to yell instructions as she stared the predator down in anticipation of their fight. If she didn’t indicate her readiness to fight and the ferocity inside of her, she’d have as good as lost here...

*

“Littlefoot, stay hidden! When I tell you to run, then run!!!”

Littlefoot heard his mother's words loud and clear - probably she wasn’t very far from his position anymore but he did not dare look, his heart racing, its rhythm increasing by the minute in excitement and dread.

“Okay, understood!” he exclaimed against another roar of the sharptooth, though he was rather puzzled as to why these orders had been imposed upon him. Well, knowing his mother, she probably had a plan as well as a plan B.

“And what about ME?!” Cera ranted grudgingly. The threehorn was feeling rather left out and ignored and she hated that with a passion.

“Just come along then,” Littlefoot answered with a shrug.

“BUT…” Cera quickly lowered her voice as she realized that their presence shouldn’t be made obvious. “But Littlefoot, do I look like a flathead? She’ll crush me!”

“Oh, I hardly think so,” Littlefoot reassured, looking at the frightened and panicked threehorn funnily. “Mother is kind.”

“Well, YOU are a longneck but what am I?! Don’t you remember my daddy?!”

“Oh, that was your dad, huh?” Littlefoot looked away awkwardly as he remembered the incident. “You think he would have hurt me?”

“Hurt? Hah!” Cera gave a cruel laugh. “If he had been in a bad mood the other day, he would have impaled you to a tree!!! Threehorns hate you flatheads for a reason and I’m pretty darn sure you guys are no different!!!”

“Well, my folks did warn me about threehorns…” the longneck admitted. Her statement made him somewhat thoughtful; would the threehorn have attacked him back then? Would his mother do the same? He did not know.

“Well, even so, I think getting away from the sharptooth is more urgent so it should be okay to tag along, at least for now…” Littlefoot stated, still not convinced but trying to appear reassuring.

“Gee, thanks…” Cera muttered. That was when the battle truly picked up…

*

Sharptooth was there, facing her, and he was more furious like any sharptooth she had ever seen before. The level of determination of the predator was frightening her greatly. Even though her defence and her grim expression would have discouraged any sharptooth of his kind to perform a direct charge, this sharptooth was either too angry or he didn’t care. The longneck prepared as the behemoth charged at her on full speed, her tail raised, uttering a deep growl but it discouraged him little. The predator leapt as soon as it was in-range of her tail, a move which may have worked on a less experienced fighter and certainly led to a deadly blow on almost any other leaf-eating kind but Littlefoot’s mother knew exactly what she was doing and the terrain was in the longneck’s favor. She was prepared, tail and muscles tightened like the bow of an archer, prepared to release the maelstrom of her brutal strength and determination to keep Littlefoot alive. She raised her tail just a little higher before she finally released all the tension. Utilizing all her strength, her tail flung towards the predator advancing mid-air, the thick, muscular part connecting violently and sending Sharptooth flying through the air in a high arc. With a sickening, spine-crushing sound, he crashed into a large boulder which crumbled under the stunning impact. The longneck didn’t hesitate; her plan had worked. She sprinted, sprinted as fast as her tired legs allowed her to, away from Sharptooth, towards Littlefoot.

“RUN!!!” she shouted, panting from exertion. It was apparent that the boy was hiding behind a large boulder uphill, just at the top, yet he wasn’t to be seen which almost filled her with pride.

“Well done, little Littlefoot!”

*

“There, the signal!” Littlefoot scrambled up the rock to get a quick overview of the situation. Judging from the sounds of the raging battle, his mother had been victorious but the boy needed to be sure. He poked his long neck up as Cera’s face appeared beside him.

“Oh no!”

 
*

She had been correct after all. Littlefoot’s head suddenly poked out from behind the boulder… as well as the horned frill of the orange threehorn. But that discovery didn’t reach her mind as the expression of horror on the children’s faces became apparent. It was then that she realized that she’d made a terrible mistake once again… only this time she wouldn’t get away with it that easily...

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The calm before the storm  :sducky

A rather short addition this time, but there is this cliffhanger... I HAD to use it  :lol Consider it a little teaser because now there's no denying it anymore. Shit's gonna happen whenever the next part goes online  :opetrie :opetrie :opetrie :opetrie :opetrie And, needless to say, the next part will be closer to my usual chapter length, I usually try to avoid such stark contrasts of chapter length but the opportunity was simply too good to let it pass  :PAli

Hope you enjoyed it nevertheless  :^^spike


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Quote
This is quite a nice look into this life-changing fight, especially as the dueling perspectives create more depth into it than could be portrayed in the film. The look into Cera and Littlefoot’s problematic co-existence and the latter’s mother’s struggle showed just what amount of concern, fear and horror there was during this battle. The added dialogue made this scene feel perhaps a bit more complete and it’s true that the original scene could have been a tiny bit longer.

The arguing of the two children is portrayed very well as it is clear that Cera and Littlefoot had very differing interests in this situation. You could have perhaps even given them a bit more focus even if I see why you found the fighting more important. Also, I find it a bit weird that you’ve divided this scene into so many chapters as this installment, for example, was worth very little time in the movie. It’s not a bad thing necessarily but I still find it weird. Anyway, this installment was a pretty well written look into this part of the film. :)

Thank you very much :)

It really is hard to find a good balance between the fighting and the Littlefoot/Cera interaction. This current (short) addition is focussing a little more on the latter.

To be honest, I don't think you would have liked to read a 20k chapter out of nowhere :DD The scene is strongly extended from the movie, the Littlefoot/Cera interaction takes a lot of screentime and the fighting and later the struggle with the earthquake will be fleshed out in detail. Since it is all an overarching plot, I decided to split up that theoretical huge chapter into several parts.


Quote
This fight is a fine example of where the use of the written word can add more detail and elaboration on a scene than can be provided through live action.  The focus on Littlefoot's mother in this scene is a nice touch I believe as it allows us (perhaps for the last time, and most certainly for one of the last times) to sense the situation from her perspective.  The fear, concern, and growing horror from her are all quite effectively portrayed here.

I certainly have no complaints for this chapter.  :) I think that you are effectively portraying a scene that is rather difficult to get right in a written narrative.  Though, as I have mentioned before, I both dread and look forward to seeing how you portray what is about to come.

Thank you very much! :D

The perspective of his mother doesn't show at all in the movie so I had to make sure that it was shown in this story :)Sorry to leave you hanging for another 1-2 weeks but rest assured that what you dread will be happening soon :)

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*Wipes sweat*

Puh, finally caught up on my schedule. I'll try to update SDP this weekend. Also, I've got a middle-sized story in preparation for the prompt challenge this season, you'll see in 2-3 weeks :)

Sovereign

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #46 on: February 09, 2019, 03:04:33 pm »
This chapter took the scene forward nicely, giving more spotlight to the things I mentioned in my last review. Littlefoot’s Mother’s torn attention between herself and her son and her horrifying fear are made more than clear here and one cannot help but feel the lingering hope and growing despair in this most tragic of fights. It really is rather sad to see how badly she tries to save both herself and Littlefoot while that aim is becoming more and more unrealistic…

Also, you continue to portray Cera and Littlefoot’s situation quite nicely even if I don’t see the threehorn quite retaining her arrogance to quite this degree as her terror was made clear in the film as her bravado collapsed quite quickly after the carnivore’s appearance. It’s true that the chapter was rather short this time but it was still a really decent lead into the turning point of this battle and what follows afterwards. Nicely done as always! ;)Cera

rhombus

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #47 on: February 13, 2019, 10:30:57 am »
This was a rather short chapter that nonetheless effectively increased the tension of the scene and added to the perspective of the characters.  Here we get to see the growing horror of Littlefoot's mother as the battle progresses and she realizes that the battle will most likely be her last. At the same time she gets to see the horror of the children as they are basically forced to be bystanders to the unfolding drama.  Like Sovereign, I am a bit unsure about Cera's reaction, however, as she did seem to have a more superficial bravado in the first film.  That being said, her reactions here did not exceed the realm of possibility, it was just noticeable.

I don't really have much to add here - a short review for a short chapter  :p - but I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Ducky123

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Re: TLBT Fanfiction series
« Reply #48 on: February 16, 2019, 07:43:14 am »
Thanks for the reviews, both of you :) I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter! :^^spike