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Author Topic: Funniest Quotes You've Heard  (Read 18672 times)

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Spartanguy88

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« on: June 19, 2008, 04:28:15 pm »
I'll kick things off... I loved doing this on the Camp Lazlo forum I'm also in.

[Red vs Blue: Reconstruction]

Washington: Come in Command.  

Command: Hello Washington. We have you. How was the investigation at Blue Base?  

Washington: Enlightening. Going to try the red base now, I'm hoping things there will be a little more...  
*A card board cutout of Donut appears*
Washington: ...normal.  

Sarge's Voice: Halt, in the name of the red- *clears throat* I mean "Lightish Red army. This base is operating at full capacity. And if you come in here, you're gonna get in to a big- uh slap-fight!"  

Washington: *Sighs* I'm gonna have to call you back.  

Sarge: Don't come any further, ooh la la.  
*As Washington continues approaching, a maroon popup of Simmons springs out from behind a rock*  

Sarge's Voice: This is your last warning, stay out! I love mass!  

Washington: What in the...  

Sarge's Voice: Your only hope of survival is to suck up to my commander!  
*Washington continues on and an orange popup of Grif seems to appear from out of nowhere*  

Sarge's Voice: And this is another warning: I know the other warning was supposed to be last, but I never listen to orders, 'cause I'm too lazy and stupid! And ugly. Did I mention ugly?  

Washington: This is gonna be a waste of time, I can tell already.  
*Sarge pops up in front of Washington*  

Sarge: Yeah, freeze intruder! Stop yer intrudin' right there.  

Washington: Who made these things?  

Sarge: I did.  

Washington: Wait, you're real?  

Sarge: Of course I am. You fell for a classic misdirection. I still got it. Heh heh.  

Lopez: øEsta todo bien aqu“?  
Caption Everything OK out here?  

Sarge: We're fine, Lopez. Just caught myself a dirty Blue. How many does that make this week?  

Lopez: Uno.  

Sarge: Yahtzee. We're on a hot streak!

Lillefot

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« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2008, 05:02:20 pm »
Not quite a quote, but still,

Richard Kiels T-shirt in "Happy Gilmore" it reads:

"Guns don't kill people, I kill people!"

 :lol  :lol:

StarfallRaptor

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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2008, 05:11:59 pm »
Titan AE:
Stith: Hmm. An intelligent guard.  Didn't see that coming...

General Grievous

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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2008, 06:27:18 pm »
"They say the best weapon is one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only need to fire once." -Tony Stark from Iron Man

Organize a press conference. I want a press conference and I want an American Cheeseburger. Hogan, drive. Cheeseburger first. -Also tony Stark from Iron Man.


F-14 Ace

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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2008, 08:59:16 pm »
Honey, where's my supersuit? -Frozone from The Incredibles.

f-22 "raptor" ace

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« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2008, 09:33:19 pm »
All three of you are in so much **** it's almost unbeleivable.

Spartanguy88

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« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2008, 10:32:10 am »
[Supreme Surrender]

Blue Robot: So who is going to accept this surrender first? Our team right?

Red Robot: Absolutely not. Your team? Why you first?

Blue Robot: Clearly they were intimidated by our superiour technology. That's why they were so quick to surrender.

Red Robot: Please; Our spider tanks are the most advanced weapon in the universe.

Blue Robot: Yeah right, really innovative... "Hey guys, you know what's awsome? Guns right? And spiders too. Hey, what if we put guns on spiders?"

Red Robot: It worked in our last battle.

Blue Robot: Yeah well, spiders just scare me.

Petrie.

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« Reply #7 on: June 21, 2008, 08:34:45 pm »
The reason this was funny is because it was unexpected and I skipped back in the dvd to make sure I heard it correctly. :P:

From Watership Down (1978 film):

Hazel: Well its hurt and I think we ought to help it.

Bigwig: A bird?  What for?

Hazel: (moving towards the gull) We help you.

Keehar: Piss off!!!  What for help me?

 :wow  :wow

DarkHououmon

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« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2008, 09:35:42 pm »
From Red Vs Blue.


Tucker: :: groans in pain ::
Church: Man, he sounds terrible.
Caboose: Yeah, he's been like that since the swamp.
Church: Swamp? You guys were in a swamp?
Caboose: Yeah. It was dark and swampy. I wasn't scared at all!
Church: Is that why you guys came home so fast?
Caboose: No...we came home because the alien died...and because the glowing sword turned out to be a glowing key.
Church: Yeah, a glowing key that can still stab people.
Caboose: Right.
Church: So it is a sword. It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.
Caboose: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people...it unlocks their death.
Church: Goddamn man! I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.
Caboose: Yeah. I have a really good time.
Church: ::laughs:: Yeah, it seems like it! You know, I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.
Tucker: :: groans in pain ::
Church: Hey Tucker, you okay?
Tucker: :: groans in pain :: Why don't you guys come in here?
Church: Uh, because it might be contagious...and because we gotta think of the health of the unit as a whole. I came up with that pretty fast.
Caboose: Maybe because you threw up ten minutes ago! And that's just gross!
Church: Hey, what a second! You don't think that sword...
Caboose: You mean the key?
Church: No I mean the sword. You don't suppose that sword is making him sick, do you?
Caboose: I don't see how. He didn't sneeze once.
Church: We don't know anything about it, though. Maybe it runs on radiation and it's poisoning...
Caboose: Or..maybe it runs on solar power!
Church: Wait now, why would solar power make him sick?
Caboose: Is he Republican?

StarfallRaptor

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« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2008, 01:07:26 pm »
Tigress: [after Tigress lectures Po and he makes a weird facial expression] That's it! [about to punch him]
Mantis: Wait, wait! My fault! I accidently tweaked his facial nerves! [Po falls over with his back full of needles] ...And I may have also stopped his heart.
Kung Fu Panda.  Best.Scene. Ever!

Spartanguy88

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« Reply #10 on: June 23, 2008, 09:09:54 pm »
[Tommy Boy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0zoFKDp3v4

It's hard to describe it with words. :lol

jedi472

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« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2008, 11:07:03 am »
Talladega Nights:The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Best quote ever:"In the words of the great Colonel Sanders, 'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken!'".

f-22 "raptor" ace

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« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2008, 02:24:58 pm »
Topgun

In the immortal words of Maverick "Sorry Goose but it's time to buzz the tower.'

Spartanguy88

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« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2008, 06:23:24 pm »
[Star Wars: A New Hope]

Han Solo: It's not wise to upset a Wookie.

C-3PO: Well no one is worried about upsetting a droid.

Han Solo: That's because droids cannot rip people's arms out of their sockets. Wookies are known to do that.

C-3PO: I see sir. R2, may I make a suggestion? Let the Wookie win.

(Classic; but forgive me if I didn't get it 100% correct)

jedi472

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« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2008, 10:12:00 am »
Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

"Ah! We're not interested in the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon. It's fixed! Just open the door, you stupid lump!" [Artoo finally opens the door] "I never doubted you for a second. Wonderful!"
―C-3PO, to R2-D2, during the escape from Cloud City

f-22 "raptor" ace

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« Reply #15 on: June 28, 2008, 10:18:16 am »
Starwars episode V the empire strikes back
"Sir the possibility of sucessfully navigating an astroid field is approxmaily 3720 to1 Never tell me the odds."
When han enters the astroid field.

jedi472

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« Reply #16 on: June 28, 2008, 10:59:34 am »
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

Austin Powers, in the 90's, learning about the deaths of his friends back in the 60's: "Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich."

jedi472

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« Reply #17 on: June 28, 2008, 11:00:44 am »
Austin Powers:International Man of Mystery

Dr. Evil: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to my underground Lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet, each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE!"

f-22 "raptor" ace

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« Reply #18 on: June 28, 2008, 11:47:59 am »
Now here's a funny one from Ace Combat 04 Shattered Skies
"Raido failure!" :lol:  :lol:  :lol  :lol

Ptyra

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« Reply #19 on: June 28, 2008, 11:56:15 am »
Quote from: StarfallRaptor,Jun 19 2008 on  03:11 PM
Titan AE:
Stith: Hmm. An intelligent guard.  Didn't see that coming...
Stith? I think that was Preed. I liked Preed :(

But now we're on that.
Korso: And keep the engines running!
Preed: Oh yes, they'll be nice and toasty. I won't be keen if the Drej catch me with my trousers down