The Gang of Five
The forum will have some maintenance done in the next couple of months. We have also made a decision concerning AI art in the art section.


Please see this post for more details.

The Adventures of Littlefoot and Ali

Nick22

  • Administrator
  • The Gang of Five
  • *
    • Posts: 41625
    • View Profile
Just a few nitpicks . 'its Rhette, not Ret, pokeplayer, but other than that.. you're doing a good job..
Winner of these:


Runner up for these:




pokeplayer984

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 6993
    • View Profile
Okay guys, next one will be up July 31, and then I shall slow the progress to get other general fics for other places going.

As for the next chapter, let's just say it's time to see what the gang says/does when they see Ali with broken legs. :P:

I'd better get to work on it.

See ya later! :^.^:


pokeplayer984

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 6993
    • View Profile
Okay, things have changed in the plot of the chapter.  Instead of them finding out Ali has broken legs this chapter, they won't until the next chapter.  So, without further ado, here is the newest chapter.

-------
Chapter 3

The Unexpected Reunion


Ali looked down and could hardly believe it.  Out of all the places in the world, she was back where all her friends were.  She knew they would be very surprised to see her, Ret and Rooter.  However, she wondered how they would react to how she was showing up again.  She knew they would help her get back to normal health.  However, a part of her wondered the exact way Littlefoot would react.  She couldn’t understand why she was so worried about the way Littlefoot would react.  Maybe it had to do with the fact that she had feelings for Littlefoot.  Ever since they first met, she had an interest in him, which might explain why she gave him a peck on the cheek when they first met.  She decided to see what would happen when they met again.

As for Ret, he was especially surprised.  This was the place where he met his first and only real friends.  He must admit that, after all the lying he did, he was surprised they were willing to be his friends.  He was especially surprised that it was Littlefoot who had invited him to play with them.  They were such good friends to him that on that very day, he promised himself to start over with his own friendship he had developed with Ali and do it right.  He had a lot to thank them for now, especially since he had now become closer to Ali because of it.  He’d probably still be making up stories to try and impress her if it weren’t for them.  Indeed, he was truly grateful to have them as friends and could hardly wait to see them again now that they were here in The Great Valley.

“Well, let’s go find you some help, Ali.” Rooter said as they headed down to the valley below.

Meanwhile, within the valley, a group of young dinosaurs were playing together.  They were playing a good old game of tag.  As of now, a little orange threehorn, who was known as Cera, was currently “it”.  She had her target in sight, it was the small fast-footed green swimmer of the gang, she was known as Ducky.  Ducky knew that if the possibly ten times bigger than her threehorn tagged her, she would be at the biggest disadvantage.  However, Ducky was somewhat intelligent and had a way to avoid this.  Cera then pounced towards her, thinking he had the little swimmer.  However, this was the very thing Ducky was waiting for.  At the last moment, she changed direction and ended up making Cera completely miss and hit someone else instead.  She had ended up accidentally tackling a pink oviraptor that was known as Ruby.  The two tumbled for only a second and ended up having Cera on top of Ruby.

“Ow!” Complained Ruby. “You know, a simple touch would’ve been better than a tackle would’ve been.”

“Yeah, sorry!” Cera apologized. “I was chasing Ducky and she got out the way just as I was about to get her.  So I guess you’re ëit’ now!” Cera then ran off so she wouldn’t be tagged back.

“Not unless I tag you ëit’ so I won’t be ëit’!” She cheered as she gave chase.

Meanwhile, a small brown flyer by the name of Petrie was up in the sky to avoid being ëit’.  He was always using this trick and so that no one could tag him.  He watched as Ruby chased Cera.  As they were running, a green spiketail, known as Spike, was simply walking by.  Cera ran past him and Ruby decided to take this chance to tag him, which she did.

“Tag!  You’re ëit’, Spike!”

Spike grunted happily and gave chase with a smile on his face.  As Spike started to run around, he looked intently for his own target.  He then spotted a young, violet colored T-Rex near by.  The little sharptooth had made his temporary stay here in the scared place to leaf-eaters.  During his stay, he had promised to only eat the bugs within the valley.  For his young age, he could survive on them rather nicely.  In fact, at this very moment, the young sharptooth was looking for something to eat by searching a hollowed out tree.

Spike saw this as an easy target and went for it.  He walked forward carefully and when he believed to be close enough, he pounced at the young sharptooth.  The small T-Rex didn’t see Spike coming and was tackled to the ground easily.

At this point, Petrie swooped down to them. “Spike tag you!  You ëit’, Chomper!” He said.

Spike got off and ran away from Chomper.  Chomper immediately got up, ready to play.

“Okay!  Here I come!” Chomper called out as he ran onto the field.

There was one other in the group of children.  Who had been remarkably evading everyone since the start of the game.  He was a purplish-brown longneck known as Littlefoot.  He had seen how the game was played out from the beginning.  He had been able to make the others run into someone else when they were chasing him, thus making them ëit’.

However, he didn’t realize that Chomper had a little plan to make Littlefoot ëit’.  Using cover of the others happily running around in all directions, he carefully made his way to the longneck.  Somehow, Littlefoot lost track of who was ëit’ and was unaware that the small sharptooth was closing in on him.  Chomper pounced at Littlefoot from behind, aiming for his neck.  Littlefoot turned his head and noticed Chomper at the very last second.  He bent his head down and made Chomper completely miss and hit the ground headfirst and causing him to also make a small ditch that made the young sharptooth get grass and dirt in his mouth.

Littlefoot laughed at him. “You missed me!” He cheered as he ran off.

Chomper spat out the dirt and grass in his mouth, got up, sneered at the longneck and gave chase again.

Meanwhile, Petrie decided to fly higher, and as he did, he spotted something in the distance that caught his attention.  He noticed a spikeback that was coincidentally coming their way.  However, something seemed out of place that really caught his attention.  He saw that the spikeback was carrying someone.  He wasn’t quite sure who it was, but they looked familiar to him.

Petrie swooped closer to his friends. “Hey, guys!” He called out, trying to get their attention.

Everyone stopped playing the game of tag and turned to Petrie. “What is it, Petrie?” Cera asked, being a little irritated that their game was stopped.

“Someone coming!”

“Who is it, Petrie?” Littlefoot questioned.

“Me no, no, but they familiar!”

“They look familiar, Petrie?” Ducky asked.

“Yes!” Petrie nodded.

“Well, let’s go see who it is!” Littlefoot said. “Lead the way, Petrie!”

Without another word, Petrie flew in the direction of the newcomers.  As they headed in that direction, they soon saw someone.

“Hey, I think I see someone!” Littlefoot said.

“Yeah, but who is it?” Cera asked.

Ruby tried to look closer by squinting her eyes and putting her hand above them. “I don’t know, but I think I see someone who I have seen before.” She said.

They got closer and could finally make out who it was.

“It can’t be!” Chomper said, a little surprised.

“Wouldn’t she be with her herd if she was here?” Cera questioned, finally figuring out who it was.

“Yeah, she would be, but it looks like the girl we know that we all know.” Ruby said.

“Me think it is her!” Petrie said, getting excited.

“Oh, it is her!  It is!  Yes, yes, yes!” Ducky cheered.

Spike looked on in disbelief one second and then in excited happiness the next.

Littlefoot was the one who was most shocked.  He could hardly believe who was approaching them.  Riding on the spikeback was the only girl longneck that was around his age that he was friends with and had feelings for.

He only said a single word. “Ali?”

---End Chapter 3---
----------

Well, there ya go!  And if anyone asks, yes, that is the way Ruby talks. -_-

There is no telling when the next chapter will be up.  I don't have a specific date for it, and with so many other stories for other franchises to get up, there's no telling when I'll have it done.  So it's just a wait and see deal.

However, expect the Prolouge on fanfiction.net in a few days. :)

Anyways, please review.

See ya later! :^.^:


landbeforetimelover

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 8495
  • Littlefoot
    • View Profile
    • http://www.thelandbeforetime.org
Wow.  Seriously, put this on fanfiction.net.  There are so many horrible LBT stories there, it'll be nice to see a good one there.  I absolutely love this story so far.  There are no improvements I could tell.  Please don't write it "Rhette".  I find that spelling to be annoying.  "Ret" will do just fine.  I cannot believe it!  This is the fist LBT fanfic I've read that didn't contain sexuality, swearing, and bloody massacures.  I also hate those crosses like star wars and LBT.  I mean, come on!  Like that would ever happen and they just wind up being stupid.  I love this so much!  Great story, but I would like to request that you keep it...uhhhhh...well, just don't include sexual parts or anything, please?  That would totally ruin it.  Just keep up the good work and don't put anything too wild in it okay?  That'll be all.  I'll look for an update.  Thanks!


Manny Cav

  • Cera
  • *
    • Posts: 3354
    • View Profile
I'm highly anticipating future updates. This is one of the better LBT fan fictions I've came across. Keep it up, pokeplayer984! :^.^:


The Great Valley Guardian

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 7314
    • View Profile
    • http://www.supersonicboom182.deviantart.com
Once again I must smile and tell you, you have a knack for story-telling :D I can't wait to see it on fanfiction.net, oh and send me a PM there, my user name....is the same as it is here! :lol: Good luck with future chapters!


pokeplayer984

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 6993
    • View Profile
I shall post the Prologue later today on fanfiction.net.  So get ready, because today's the day it spreads around the net. :)



pokeplayer984

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 6993
    • View Profile
I have just barely posted it on Fanfiction.net.  Please wait patiently for it as it may take 24 hours for it to appear.

See ya later! :^.^:


The Great Valley Guardian

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 7314
    • View Profile
    • http://www.supersonicboom182.deviantart.com
Hey pokerplayer, if it's not too much trouble when you get the chance (and I know it might take a while) would you mind reviewing my fanfic One Long Tail on ff.net?


pokeplayer984

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 6993
    • View Profile
Okay, I tried getting into your story, The Great Valley Guardian, but for a reason I can't explian, I just can't.  It just seems to be difficult for me to get into LBT fanfics lately. :(

I've recently posted Chapter 1: Lost & Broken on fanfiction.net.  Just a head's up! :^.^:

I'm not too sure when I'll have Chapter 4 up.  I'm just currently debating how I'll introduce Ali since she now has borken legs. ;)


pokeplayer984

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 6993
    • View Profile
Well, this chapter definately took a while to finish debating on, but I finally figured it all out.

So, here it is, Chapter 4. :)

Enjoy! :^.^:

---------------

Chapter 4

The Welcomed Good News


Littlefoot looked towards the approaching spikeback and could hardly contain the excitement in the back of his head.  For riding right on top of it was Ali, the very longneck he has had feelings for since the day they met.  Not at all judging the situation, the group of seven rushed up the spikeback that was approaching.

“Ali!” They all shouted.

“How are you?” “How did you get here?” “Why are you back so soon?” They all started asking at the same time once they reached her.

“Please, please, one at a time!” Ali begged as she started to feel a little overwhelmed.

“Guys!” Cera called out to them, getting their attention. “If we give her some room, I’m sure she can explain why she’s here.”

“Don’t worry!” Another voice said.  The gang looked to see another longneck jumping off the back of the spikeback. “We’ll explain everything.” He said, facing them with a smile on his face.

“Hey Ret!” “Hi, Ret!” “Hi, hi, hi!” “Hello, Ret!” They all greeted at once.

“Hi, everyone!  Listen, it’s great to see you all but right now Ali needs help.”

“Ali needs help?” Littlefoot questioned with concern on his face.

Ret nodded. “Her legs are broken.  Do you know anyone who can help us mend them?”

“Well, just about every grown-up in the valley, I think.”

“In that case, who’s the closest?”

“That would be my Grandma and Grandpa.  Come on, I’ll take ya there!”

It wasn’t too long until they all reached Littlefoot’s nest where the two elders that were his guardians were in the middle of having a conversation with a female grown-up duckbill that happened to be the mother of Ducky.

“Grandma, Grandpa!” Littlefoot called out to them.

“Yes, Littlefoot?” Grandpa Longneck asked, turning to his grandson.

“Um, well, we have a real problem here.”

From there, Littlefoot explained to his grandparents that Ali had returned, but with broken legs.  Seeing the situation, Grandma and Grandpa Longneck had Ducky’s mother get the necessary supplies needed to mend the leg while Ali explained to them all that had happened.  While Ali told the story, Rooter had carefully set her down on the ground and listened as well.  It was a while before Ali finished her story, because she hardly left out any details.  The small things she did leave out were their conversations that were of little importance to the story.  By the time she was done, her legs had been tied around with special plants to help the legs heal faster and put together with mud to really hold it all in place, thus creating a brownish colored cast.

“And well, that’s the whole story.” Ali concluded.

“This is very serious.” Grandpa Longneck said.

“Yes, we must make sure that Ali and Ret get back to their herd.” Grandma Longneck agreed.

“We’ll send out every flyer that is willing to find them.  Hopefully, they will find your herd and lead them here to get you.”

“In that case, how long until my legs are well enough to walk on them again?” Ali asked.

Grandpa Longneck chuckled. “Don’t worry.  They all only have a mild sprain and, thanks to the plants we’ve applied to them, should be good enough to walk on by tomorrow morning.”

Ali sighed in relief. “Well that’s good news.  For a little bit, I thought that I would never be able to walk again.”

Grandma Longneck chuckled. “It takes more than a fall to keep any members of your herd down, including you, Ali.” She said soothingly.

Ali blushed; feeling a little embarrassed by the compliment. “Um, thanks, I guess!”

Meanwhile, Littlefoot was contemplating a little something in his head.  He wanted to be around his friend as much as possible, knowing that she most likely wouldn’t be around for long.  So, with that thought in mind, he decided to ask her something.

“Ali?” Littlefoot asked.

“Yes, Littlefoot?” She questioned.

“You and Ret are going to be here for a while, right?”

“Well, with how little Ret, Rooter and I traveled, I probably will only be around for a few days.”

Even though his face didn’t show it, Littlefoot felt a bit disappointed.  He really wanted her to stay longer.  He wasn’t being greedy or anything in the wrong manner, just that he wanted to spend a lot of time with her.

“Well, I was just wondering, at least until your herd comes to pick you up, would you and Ret like to stay at my nest?”

Ali was taken aback by the offer she was given.  She was also flattered by the offer Littlefoot had given them. “Well, if you really think it isn’t too much trouble…”

“It won’t be any trouble at all, Ali.” Grandpa Longneck reassured, accepting the offer as well.

“We would love to take care of you while we wait for your herd.” Grandma Longneck insisted.

“I guess, as long as it’s okay with Ret.” Ali answered.

“Why not?  We need a place to stay.” Ret answered.

“In that case, we’d love to.”

“Yes!” Littlefoot shouted in happiness. “Oh, Ali!  I just know we’re going to have so much fun together!”

Ali felt rather flattered by her friend. “I’ll be looking forward to it, Littlefoot.”

“Well,” Rooter began, getting everyone’s attention. “I’d better go.  After all, I’m a bit of a wonder and there’s still lots to see in this world.  This place is rather beautiful, more than enough to make me want to return some day.” He then left without another word.

“Goodbye, and thank you for bringing them here.” Grandma longneck said.

Rooter only walked a little distance before looking back. “So it was him after all.” He said as he looked at Littlefoot. “I didn’t even get to know his name, though I don’t bother much for that.  It seems that thanks to all the friends he has, he’s been able to move on from the death of his mother.  Though I’m sure he thinks about her everyday, he knows that he can’t dwell on the past and must look forward to the future.  Hopefully, I am right about that.” He then left the valley and continued on his wondering journey.

--End Chapter 4---
--------------

Well, that's it for Rooter in my story.  Yep, he won't be in this story anymore, and you know what?  I think I did rather well with him. :)

Anyways, please review.

See ya later! :^.^:


Manny Cav

  • Cera
  • *
    • Posts: 3354
    • View Profile
I was dissapointed by the lack of involvement of Rooter in the chapter, as well as the lack of drama presented by Ali's "broken" legs. Otherwise, keep it up! :yes



Weather_lord_7

  • Petrie
  • *
    • Posts: 992
    • View Profile
Quote from: The Great Valley Guardian,Sep 11 2007 on  03:51 PM
Can't wait for the next chapter! ;)
Neither can I.  :)


landbeforetimelover

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 8495
  • Littlefoot
    • View Profile
    • http://www.thelandbeforetime.org
For one, I'm glad Rooter didn't have a huge part in the story.  As for the broken legs thing, it may not have been very exciting, but it is pretty realistic that it would happen that way.  Though, one day is certainly not enough for Ali to be walking again, I guess it'd be hard to have Ali doing much in the story if her legs were useless for several weeks. :P:

Please Continue! :D


Manny Cav

  • Cera
  • *
    • Posts: 3354
    • View Profile
When I made my prior post, I was about to start school, and I didn't have the time to make a proper post. So, I'm going to just that.

*When I read the chapter, I was fairly disappointed at the outcome and what happened. The prior chapters had built up a lot of hype for me. And the delay you placed on what the gang would say about Ali's "øbroken?" legs only extended the hype and tension for me. I was ready to see the outcome and next chapter for crying out loud! I was getting excited. The prior chapters had set up a strong, dramatic story for me. It looked like there was going to be a lot of drama coming from all different directions, not just from Ali's predicament, but from Rooter coming into the Great Valley for, as far as I care, the first time ever. I was really anxious to see the outcome. But when I read the chapter, I really got slapped up-side the head! Ali's "øbroken?" legs seemed far under-represented in story, like they were no big deal at all. Really, walking the next day? We're they even broke!? I was expecting drama, but I was left in want.

But that's not all. I was also expecting -- no, hoping -- that Rooter was going to play a more significant role. However, he adds practically zilch to the development of the story. We barely get to see anything out of him, what he thinks of the Great Valley, what he thinks of Littlefoot present, and what Littlefoot thinks about him. By gosh, Littlefoot didn't even recognize him or the name! And I was further let down by the fact that "he won't be in this story anymore". I hope this idea of including ever LBT character known to date doesn't backfire like this, where the characters play insignificant  roles and contribute little to the story. I was hoping to see more out of Rooter, as well as more brought out of Ali's situation, but I guess I won't be fed today. Mabey there's still hope, though.

I hope I haven't offended you. I still look forward to the rest of the story. But now you see why I consider myself a tough (and mabey a wee bit picky?) critic on occasion.

*Subject to revision.


The Great Valley Guardian

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 7314
    • View Profile
    • http://www.supersonicboom182.deviantart.com
Quote from: Manny Cav,Sep 12 2007 on  09:13 PM
Ali's "øbroken?" legs seemed far under-represented in story, like they were no big deal at all. Really, walking the next day? We're they even broke!?

I can actually relate to that....if you've never had a broken limb before even a simple sprain can feel very painful, however I've had both and I can actually tell the diffrence....Pokeplayer may have used the word broken simply to state she was in a lot of pain.


 
Quote
We barely get to see anything out of him, what he thinks of the Great Valley, what he thinks of Littlefoot present, and what Littlefoot thinks about him. By gosh, Littlefoot didn't even recognize him or the name!


I understand where you are going with this, but you have to admit, even by the cannon movie standards........it's been quite possibly a few years! Littlefoot was still greving when he bumped into Rooter, and after all this time had eliapsed he may not have remembered the elderly dino.

But this is just my opinion and I hope I didn't offend you Manny Cav....






Manny Cav

  • Cera
  • *
    • Posts: 3354
    • View Profile
Quote from: The Great Valley Guardian,Sep 12 2007 on  10:06 PM
Quote
We barely get to see anything out of him, what he thinks of the Great Valley, what he thinks of Littlefoot present, and what Littlefoot thinks about him. By gosh, Littlefoot didn't even recognize him or the name!


I understand where you are going with this, but you have to admit, even by the cannon movie standards........it's been quite possibly a few years! Littlefoot was still greving when he bumped into Rooter, and after all this time had eliapsed he may not have remembered the elderly dino.

But this is just my opinion and I hope I didn't offend you Manny Cav....
This is very possible, but I still can't believe that nothing even ringed a single bell to Littlefoot. Plus, Rooter didn't seem too talkative to anyone about it to anyone but himself, either. Still....


pokeplayer984

  • Member+
  • Littlefoot
  • *
    • Posts: 6993
    • View Profile
Yeah, now that you mention it, Chapter 4 was really underdeveloped.  I guess there are parts that owe an explanation.

Let's start with Ali's "borken" legs.  You see, the first key element you need to put into facturing is how true broken limbs work and how sprained ones do.  Broken limbs tend to hurt just from moving them.  However, a sprain only hurts when you apply pressure on to it.  If you noticed from the beginning, Ali only felt pain when pressure was applied, thus meaning that the legs were only sprained, not broken.  Also, on top of that, Ret only THOUGHT they were broken and, to a point, believed that.  This "broken legs" thing was all set up as a trick for the reader.  It's something I tend to do sometimes.

On top of that, you did see a mention that Ali's herd have rather strong legs, right?  It is my belief that all those years of walking have done wonders for those legs of hers.  Her legs are probably tough enough to pick a fight with the mighty Cera by now, but I degress.  Yet, Ali's more than likely to be tough.  It would take more than a little fall to keep her, or any other member of her herd for that matter, down for good.

One last thing is that, under NORMAL circumstances, it would probably take longer, but don't forget that some "special plants" are being used to help them heal faster.  We saw what treestars do for a simple twisted ankle that Cera got.  Who knows what other plants lie in the Great Valley that can help with such problems?

I guess I really have no explanation for the gang showing no reaction to her seemingly broken legs.  I definately have plans to redo that part in the future.

As for Rooter, in all truth, I have NO use for him.  There wasn't even use for him from the start to be exact.  However, I knew with the promise I made that I had to put him in somehow, even if it was going to be disappointing.  I have nothing against the dino that helped Littlefoot move on, I just couldn't find a way to make him have a rather useful role.  In all truth, at first, I was planning to have Ret carry Ali all the way and have them arrive at the Great Valley by luck, but when I thought about the story at work, the idea of Rooter just stuck to my head, so I used it to get the annoying thought out.  It just made better sense to have someone carry them all the way and Rooter became the guenia pig for that job.  With it fulfilled, I have no more use for him.

Oh, and by the way, I was originally planning to kill him during the encounter with Red Claw, but for some reason, I thought Sue and her mate saving the day would be better. :)

I will do better with other charcters, I promise.  I have an especially nice role for Pat coming up in a few chapters.  Let's just say that Old One has a role in it as well.  Which reminds me, I need a name for her.  Any takers? :)