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Insane Cafe 4: The Insane Frontier

Nick22 · 5706 · 557074

tempestwheel

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"Though it's weird," Ollie said to Flash and Mona's moms. "I know they basically have no realistic chance at beating the king, why did they ask you to root for them to lose?"

Mawa could only let out a warm chuckle in response. As a native Mawashiian, he knew why they wanted that. "Everyone who gets defeated by King Ozai in sumo, even if it's in a simple practice sparring match, gets added to his Sacred Win Counter," Zoai's dad explained. "Since Ozai remembers every match he ever won, being defeated by him personally earns you a spot in history. It is a tremendous honor to lose to the great Ozai."

.................

"I'll let you decide," Kovu said again to Sima as they took their sumo stances atop Kiara. "What should I get if I win?" He was eager to hear what his beloved ladies could come up with for him as a prize.

To her credit, so far, Kiara was able to withstand the combined weight of the two who were wrestling on top of her.

.......

On Tattooine, as Leia kept dancing, she eventually felt Jabba literally pull her chain. She knew full well what this meant as she gradually danced closer and closer to him. "Yes master?" she asked the Hutt.


Serris

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(Myaardi)

Deimos loaded his .50 caliber sniper rifle with explosive ammunition. They looked just like standard ammunition except the tips had a barely visible blue aura. As these cartridges were manufactured in the industrial sector aboard Spire, they were charged to have an explosive punch similar to that of a hand grenade. Of course, this would not have been possible Mr. Bigmouth and Twilight Sparkle's work, research on some old spells that were used at the Battle of Surf Point, and as the rare materials harvested from Weyard.

"We're all ready," Deimos said.

"Excellent," Mr. Bigmouth said, starting up the engine and pulling out onto the streets of the castle town. Kire was flying overhead with his Daybreak spear in hand.

In several minutes, they were out on the plains. Deimos was scouting the area through a set of electrobinoculars that he had stolen from one of the Dreadzone arenas. "So far, I'm seeing nothing."

Mr. Bigmouth was focused on driving. The Saurolophus scanned the areas as he drove. All he could see were rolling green plains populated by various woodland creatures and birds. A few lakes broke up the monotony. He could also see some houses floating on islands supported by clouds up in the sky. The repulsorsled had scanning equipment, but it was packed away.

______________________________

(Pottermore)

"In that case," Captain Carson said. "I will shortly be excusing myself to gather up some volunteers." She grabbed one of the signup sheets and started writing the information down. The scouting mission was framed as a research expedition to the western forest to study the ecosystem and to gather some of the wood for the next lesson. As an incentive, those who volunteered were rewarded with ten extra points to their house (per volunteer) as well as five points extra credit on the next exam. Of course, she did make it very clear that only students enrolled in her class and had high grades in Defence Against Dark Arts were permitted to volunteer.

Once that was done, she left the room and made her way back down to her classroom, where she pinned the sign up sheet on the door.

Poster of the GOF's 200,000th post

Please read and rate: Land Before Time: Twilight Valley - The GOF's original LBT war story.


Gungrave

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[ P O T T E R M O R E ]
Ingall Dragon Reserve - (Dragon Corpse Site)

Even the Chrononauts didn't enjoy having infinite resources. Sometimes, when things became burdensome to take on by themselves, they enlisted the help of the SBI, the Spacetime Bureau of Investigation. As both the SBI and Chrononauts stood over the site of the dead dragon, they knew that it would take both of them and more to finally deal with Chong once and for all.

"So, what we got?"

Agent Lovefool handed her associate a datachip, which he took and plugged into a slot at the back of his head. He hummed and ahh'd every few seconds while scanning the information.

"That's not all," Lovefool sighed. "Intel from Chrono says our guy made off with some eggs."

"Eggs?" Agent Fluffy rubbed his chin. "What would a veteran of the Time Wars need with some eggs?"

Lovefool shrugged. "Dunno."

"Local intel from law enforcement? Military?"

"We know Hogwarts is sending wizards who are en route as we speak. We've sectioned off this part of the reserve. They've got a five-acre cordon. We have all the space we need to figure this out."

"Where's Chrono now?"

"They have a lead on Chong's whereabouts. Said they're assembling strike teams to start hitting him."

Sadly, for all these two knew, Chong was long gone by now.

"Agent Lovefool. Agent Fluffy." Lifting the yellow cordon tape, Detective Senior Inspector Queror strode over to the two agents. Her blue hair was in its signature bun--always neat with nary a hair astray--her grey-blue skin and jet black eyes regarded the two heavily. "This just in from Desk. You're looking for eggs? There's a shop not too far from here that one of Chrono's stakeouts in the city noticed had suspicious movement. One profile fitting Chong's. They looked to be holding a sack or case of some kind with egg-shaped objects inside. You know what that means?"

Before she could even finish, Lovefool grabbed her coat from a nearby vehicle and donned it. "It means, I don't want to let Chrono get the credit for this one. Sorry, boss. You can write me up later."

Queror chuckled. "When did that stop you? I don't mind taking over the dragon corpse investigation. But hey--make sure this one is done by the book. We're working with foreign nationals outside of our normal timeline. Have Hogwarts leadership secure you a warrant for this shop, have a team of special-entry wizards or whoever they use here and do what you have to do. And I better hear some good intel after the raid. Fluffy, you can go too. I know how bored you get on simple detail."

"Uh, thanks boss! Don't worry--we'll be back before ya know it!"

((Chrono = the chrononauts))
((Difference? Chrononauts are like the military. US Armed Forces. SAS. Delta. That kind of thing. SBI would be FBI/federal/interior agencies. MI5, CIA, NSA--the "spooks" and such.))
T h e   Y e l l o w    M e n a c e

C H A R A C T E R S

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tempestwheel

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Oliver had been taken to many different restaurants on the Spire by Panty, and he was enjoying all the different foods he had been provided. But the entire time he was enjoying said food, he was noticing none of it was filling him up.

"Where to next, mom?" he asked the goddess of hunting as he finished up eating some smoked salmon.

Panty gave a smile to her son. "You've been shown how to hunt down prey," she grinned, "It's time to learn how to lure in prey, when the need comes."

Oliver raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

.....

"Shall we go to the couples' tennis court?" Jing asked Po between more smooches, "There are plenty of people who we could play against."


Nick22

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kiaras phone buzzed and an image appeared on her pgone of a staggeringly beautigul lioness ot rather her back end. this was Sudha crown orincess of Jamaicas lion prides and was  probably the only lioness in the world whose talentd in the 'rear catergory' were a match for Kiara'ss. the two regularly called each other , it was easier than texting Sudha was calling with a update on how the Kamaica soccer teams were faring iin their respective World Cup qualifying ; Jey Kiara, this os your regularly scgeduled Thursday vooty  call, er booty dial cakk, judfing from the big brown mass on top , I;d say you either lost a bet with Kovu or Sima, Im guessing Sima, because losing bets with your dark mane usually involves 'playtime' as payup. and i've called more than a few times during playtime so I know what it looks  lke,, and sounds like..' Sudha giggled. "lets jusr say thar your boy would be.. extremely popular wuth the girls here and im not just talking lionessses, Ive gotten requests from pamtheresses cheetahesses, female monkets and even a couple girl maxaws. in other words you'd need a ;eash and a shock collar, as ell as steany jungle mud s[ray to hold off any er well wishers,' Sudha laughed "and thats just the hetero side, he also has a healthy folowing on the side ' As thhe old joke goes' Guys want to be him, girls wabt to be with him, and theb there re buys who both wabt to be him ANDbe with him" Sudha fiffled ' Yoi're luccky to have each other. I wish I was lucky in my romantic pursuits, vut im getting sidetracked. The guys are trying to grt to the World Cup for the first time since 1998, which was the om;y time theyve made the tpurnament, I remember that tournament, thry ere in the last group with Argentina, Croatia and Japan, We lost to Croatia 3-1, loost to Argentina 50-0, and beat Japan 2-2. We got a win at least, it wasnt like those times where a yeam makes the Cup for the first time and gets utter;y crushed in every game by 10-0 or worse and has like a0 -30 goal differential. We scored 4 goals abd gave up 8. The ladies have done better han the guy,  perhaps not surprising since girls tournaments dont have the caliber of teams or the long history that th fuys do. Anyway, the girls team is trying to make its third Cup in a row Ut would be so much fun if both made it, hasnt happened yet but maybe that will finally happen abd i can thhrow 'watch partiesat the palace, You'd be invited of course along wth Kovu your brothers and anyone else you want to brin, like Sima, Fuli or Zuri. Just dont touch my stash of lioness scout samoas They're mine and I blame you for getting me adicted to them alongg with anything thhe lioness scouts make, like those strawberry covered marshmalow cookies with chocolafilling stuffed in the marshmallows. its like my younger brother Montego with sour cream and onion chips in a can. just as ge cant stop eatng those chips, I cant stop eating those cookies. My diet is in the dumpster and its all your fault.' Sudha laughd mirthfully, "  you can make amebds by paying for lunch abd dinner the next time you visit,'

Sima peered down from her position inbeetween Kovu and Kiara and heard Sudhas chatting.' Greetings your highness, go to hear you again. normally id poke head in and say hi, but right now, thats not possible from the position I'm in or the position Kiara is in, what with me covering her up and Scarred One here pinning me diwn. If you guessed this was paying up a bet, well you are right. We bet on when Kovu would get back from a mission the wizard sent him on. I bet sooner than she did and i was right, well closer to the right tine. I had considered a pie fight or making her be a table that Kovu and I would eat dinner off of which happens a lot on Mawasii. i er had to be the dinner table for Vushu after losing a sumo bout to her" Sima admitted and Sudhas laugh was loud enoough that all three lions could hear it. " i can just picture her deliberately dragging it out by ordering dessert.' " oh she usually gets the Ozai Tower of Ice Cream which has at 24 different flavors- they let you pick them- complete with toppinggs whipped cream and cherries.' Curse you Sima, now I want to try that ice cream tower  for myself.' Sudha giggled,' "the Ozai Mint Chipand tthe Ozai Peppermint Stick are musts ' Suma said.' Anyway, Vushu usually shares the ice cream with me after sges sampled all the flavors. im sticky and smell like ice cream afterwards, but as she says " If you dont want to be sticky, stop losing to me in sumo!" Sima laughed' Anyway I settled on me just being on top of her while Studd boy and I have some fun. Make that LOTS of fun,' How you and Kiara dont have 200 cubs between you already from the dark stallion stud in beyond me. Probably beyond your mom too, eh, Kiara Sudha smirked " She is probably droppig those oh so subtle ' where are those grandcubs? " hints, like my granddma on my dads side, except she uses more, er, colorful language>"


Ozai began his match with Flash, Mona and Zoai to thunderous applause and cheers ; smash them, great king! " Crush them' Wipe the ring with Ehen; anobg many others were heard. The three cubs grabbed on to Ozais legs to enormous boos, including Tigeress and Luca, their own mothers,' Boo louder mom! Flash grinned ' hes going to use move 7113 on us  the leg kick and belly pin xombo. ' Nah, probably move 3006, the doub;e knee pin ' zoai said' its standard start off move in charity matches,' I just want to beat you girls ub the ' pinned fastest ' catergory" Mona said with a grin.'  as it turns out boyh F;ash and Zoai were right as Ozai combined the two moves un a combo , crushing the three between both knees, the grins on Flash and Zoais faces were usually reserved for someone having their first kiss or, from a more mature view, someone accepting a marriage proposal, Ozai hit them adain with move after move, with the crowd loudly and glefully couunting up tthe seconds the three girls were pinned. pins of 30 or 60 seconds were coomon '  thats right' Ozai called out ' Fete me while I crush these weaklings" Ozai smirked aas the cheers grew louder ' no one can best me! Im the god of sumo! the crows cgeered louder with each boost taunt and move,



 Vitani walked towards a glowing kiosk, a piece of glowing paper in her claws  as sshe reached the kiosk, loud clawfalls reached her ears. She turned and came face to face with Kopa who was holding a stack of papers clear;yba long paper. from just the few lines Vitani was able to read, it was a lettr praising Kovu and extolling his virtues.' Whats that for? Vitani asked her mate with a grin.' Would you believe its far " Fluff Up Kovu day?' Kopa grinned ' NNice try, but that holiday is next Friday' Vitani grinned toothily before kissing Kopa tenderly on th lips. After fofteen seconds she pulled away and shot him a grin.' consider that a preview of tonight , my red maned  kscle king" Youre not normaly this seductive Vitani. Is there.. certain news you're planning  to tell me?' Kopa winked' No, if I was prefnant  I would be doing at least 1 of 3 things. ! soewing my guts out into the toiletm 2, swearing about yiu for doing this to me wgile doing number 1 and 3. picking out cub names that I like. So, no Im not pregnant.' YYou're not pregnant.. YYET " Kopa said with a grin on his face ' Now, now, now dial ut down about 20  notches Romeo" vitani said, strokibg Kopas face " ill tell you when Im redy for that. Its night is coming vert soon , I ppromise, Now the paper Im holding is a application for Kovu to become immortal. Please dont laugh. He wants to ensure that Scar endures forever; You know how much being Scar like means him, and I would be remiss as his big siste if I didnt show that I cared about him. so Im turning in this application. Ok its partlyin jest, fine mostly in jest, as I dont rexpect a response, or, if I get one , it wille be a short " No" response." Vitani said. Kopa put the paper to the kiosk and page ny page it magically vanished  After the last page vanished, Vitani put the application to the kiosk and ot tp vanished Within seconds an image of Tarrax appeared before them ' thank you for the application. it has been recieved .. and aapproved.' WHAT!' Both Kopa and Vitani shouted in unison as Tarraxs inage cguckled' Its been around 250000 years since we'v had such a quick approval. Which for Torna the dragoness godess of speed;n the only thing faster than her legs is her mouth ' Tarrax said ' I mean that in a good way, she has always viewed me like a mubh older brother. Tell Kovu his new powers will unlock the next time he armors up. My master will waaalk him through some of his powers. Some, because traditionally it is left to the god or  godess to ddiscover their full abilities on their own. Hoever exceptions can be, and will be madde " Tarrax said ' Now , go inform the god of dark maned lions of his new status' Tarrax finished and the image vanished. Kopa and Vitani loked at each other ' My little brother.. and actual god? This is going to take some getting used to " Vitani said  as she ran her c;aw over the bang in her headfur.' Ill buy him drinks and dinner tonight to celebrate.  I wonder if extending mortal lives is something any goddess can do, or if that is reserved for a pecific god or godess' Kopa " your first thought after learning your co-king is a god is making your life longer? Typical king mindset,  cincerned about legacy." Vitani shook her head.' Not for myself, but you, my mother and father ' KKopa clarified ' Wait, you'd want me to almost certainly outlive you?' Vitani blinked " You're weird sometimes Kopa. Thats not what most kings would do. Anyway lets go tell Kovu Kiara and Sima"vitani said as the pair headed up the stairs



 Jabba yanked on the chain and pulleed :eia into a deep and very slimy kiss. with one huge claw he pulled Leia to him, with the other he gestured to the Hutt band to start playing music. As a lively tune began to play Jabba moved axross the room, Leia in his grasp and his covering her mouth , indeed her entire face with smile Jabba felt Leia her arms around him as they danced
Winner of these:


Runner up for these:




tempestwheel

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Mona and especially Flash were excited to have the crowd be booing them. As fans and followers of Ozai, losing to him was the highest honor possible. Plus, as the sumo king had promised, his powers made it so they weren't feel any significant pain from the attacks, they just left them dazed.

"I think he's using the gut cannon next," Zoai grinned as one by one, the trio was stuffed into the folds of Ozai's stomach, where he would then suck in his gut and let go, launching them into the sky as if they were shot out of a cannon.

"Wheeeeeee!!!!" Flash cheered as she spun in the sky to the sounds of the audience rooting for Ozai and against her and her friends.

..............

"Hey, think of it like this," Kiara chuckled to Sudha, "All those snacks will go right to your thighs and butt. And we all know Kovu likes a nice lioness butt, right?"

Suddha had to chuckle at that fact. "I guess you're right," she acknowledged, "I've been meaning to make out with him for a while. Just try not to become a pancake, eh Kiara?"

Kiara, who was still pinned under the large Kovu and Sima, grinned. "Trust me, I can hold out," she assured.

As Kovu and Sima kept making out, Kovu suddenly noticed his body glowing. This was a sign he was obtaining godhood and immortality, but he didn't realize it yet as he was unaware of the letter Vitani had written on his behalf. "And I think I'm the one who brightens others' days," Kovu joked.

"You feel....so divine," Sima moaned, not realizing how spot on that choice of words was.

...........

"You're quite forceful, master," Leia said about Jabba, "But I know that about you." She was kept on chain's length by the Hutt so she could at any moment end up tugged and pulled against him.

Salacious Crumb, Jabba's pet, could only laugh at the whole situation with Leia getting slimy kisses all over.