Ch. 1
ëThe Canyon has always been protected by our Master. We’ve always obeyed him and will never turn against him. Our Master is like our father, we should listen. I won’t become a good dinosaur if I do not obey. The Canyon will….’ Tony turned his back to the young Triceratops and took a good look at his friends. They all were growing older. But Tony has always said he doesn’t want to say the oath to the master. His friends knew this, and they have got the same interpretation. They all think the master is bad. Now their friend was promising the oath to the Master. ëWhy is he doing that, I thought he was one of us, and I thought he didn’t want to grow up either. Now he is saying the oath and is becoming an adult… Why?’ asked Tony to his friends. They shook their heads, they didn’t know either. All they knew was that they should promise full loyalty to the Master once. And if they have done that, they should work every day from the time that the big circle rises until it goes down again. They don’t want this, they actually want to be young forever. If they were, they could play under the waterfall until they die, or roll down the hillside like they have always done. Or of course ran after the butterflies with their pretty colors. They don’t want to go working all day, they want to keep on playing until they are too old to play.
I get the feeling that the master is theoretically the equivalent to Earth compared to Never Land from Peter Pan. Not in a literal sense, mind you, as the final line made it clear that they would still physically grow up without making he oath. This pledge seems to be the symbolism of maturity, just like how many cultures have tests to determine one’s adulthood. I take it that without making the oath, they will be considered children no matter how many years they live. That is an interesting prospect. In America, adulthood is eighteen. It’s something that comes along no matter what we do or say. It was very creative to make a voluntary requirement to being considered mature.
It is natural to fear the work aspect of adulthood, so having the kids do so added a nice touch of realism. I for one was afraid of having a real job when I was younger. It seems that this child has accepted what needs to be done by saying the words with sincerity. I can’t really say they’re the best of friends if they’re that upset about him making the pledge. True friends want what’s best for their companions, not what they personally want. They wished to enjoy childhood longer with him, I can understand that, but they should be supportive of his choice, not make him feel worse by chastising him over it. Littlefoot knew the right thing to do in the second movie- to stay away from the Sheltering Grass. But his friends pressured him into doing something he didn’t want to do, and that was nearly the end of them. When someone makes up his or her mind, unless it’s something that will surely cause harm, others should be there to back the character up and support him or her in the decision. It seems to me that his friends are a bit selfish.
Chapter 2
Tony’s mother, Flora, saw her son playing with his friends. She smiled while watching them. Slowly she walked in the direction of the waterplace. She was about to drink something, when she saw a large group of dinosaurs in a big circle. They were busy arguing. She made her way through the crowd and listened what they were talking about. ëI am sorry for those of you who have no choice, I do not have one either.’ Flora said: ëI’m sorry to interrupt, but I must have missed something. What are you talking about?’ ëI will repeat it’ ,the messenger said, ëThe master has told me to let everyone know that different classes are not allowed to speak, see or do anything with each other. The master wants to divide the whole canyon in two classes, the upper and the lower class. The upper class will be living in the west, and the lower class will be living in the east. Everyone has got 10 days to move to the right place. If you don’t know where you belong you can ask me or if you want to the master.’ Flora slowly walked forward to the messenger. ëO, messenger, can you tell me in which class I and my son belong to?’ She waited as the messenger observed her. ëAre you Flora, the mother of Tony, widow and once married to Archilles?’ ëYes I am.’ she answered. He thought very hard. After a few seconds he replied: ëYou and your son belong to the upper class, don’t be afraid, it will be ok. Go, and travel to the west.’ Flora looked disappointed, probably because she was not satisfied with this new rule. ëWhat is the difference between someone from the upper and lower class?’ Flora asked. ëIt is loyalty miss, your husband gave his life while defending our master. You are part of the upper class.’ She walked back to her home while thinking about a lot of things. Once she was back she saw her son playing again, in tears she wondered how long it would last.
It seems that this master has quite the power in these characters’ lives. Flora accepted his decision immediately without hesitation, even though she didn’t like it. For subjects to obey without question rules that are despised, this master must me be very influential indeed. Her sadness for her son is understandable. It’s just like when you a have child that has made friends, and then you decide to move. The child leaves a lot behind, but still has them in his or her mind. The memory can be torturous indeed when you’ve acquired so much in a place. It’s a shame that Tony will lose some of his friends, but change is something we all must get used to. I hope that his departure will strengthen him and that he won’t lose hope at his loss.
Chapter 3
Last night Tony’s mum told him about the new rule. He was worried about his friends. He hoped they would be in the same class as he. His mother told him they would move in 3 days, and that they would go west with the upper class. When he asked why they weren’t in the lower class, she said she couldn’t tell. Tony really hoped that his friends would come with him. He didn’t sleep well that night, and waited until the big circle rose above the trees again. When it did he walked to the place where he normally met his friends. Sleepy he sat down and looked at the leaves on the ground. He was not hungry at all. He felt a bit sad. ëHey!’ Someone behind him talked to him. It was Rose, his best friend. ëHi…’ Rose got in front of him. ëHave your parents told you about the new rule?’ asked Tony quietly. Tony looked up to Rose, directly in her eyes, she looked back. He could see in her eyes that she was tired. ëYes’, she replied, ëWe have to move to the west.’ At once Tony felt a bit happier. ëHey! Me too! That’s great!’ ëYes it is, wow!’ She went sitting next to him and happily they talked about the reasons why they went to the upper class and made plans of traveling together. They didn’t notice the twins Ryan and Bryan stood behind them. ëCan we interrupt you two or are you too busy talking?’ Tony and Rose looked startled behind them. ëO, sorry, we were talking about traveling together as we have to move our stuff to the west.’ ëWe won’t go west’, Bryan said, ëour mum told us we were moving east…’ Tory looked shocked, he liked playing with the twins. ëNo, that can’t be, please tell me you are joking.’. The twins shook their heads, ëOur mum told us we were in the lower class, because we weren’t loyal enough. But it is unfair. We have only lived here for one year. We cried all night.’, said Ryan. ëYes we did indeed…’ said Bryan. Tears started to fill Tony’s eyes. He couldn’t speak, it felt like something blocked his throat. He felt very empty inside. He saw the twins in front of him, and he and the others did too, knew they won’t be able to play with or even see them in 9 days.
This was a nice balance of good and bad. He gets to be with Rose, but loses contact with the twins. He has something to look forward to and something to regret. It’s like having to get a shot at the doctor’s with the promise of getting candy afterwards. Tony really seemed sad, but he should look to the positives and not dwell on what he doesn’t like. It is good to worry about things that can be changed, but when something is bound to happen beyond our control, it does nothing but make us feel worse to think about it. It’s understandable for a child not to realize that, but I hope he comes to terms with that someday.
Chapter four.
ëMother, Bryan and Ryan are going east, while Rose and me are going west. It is unfair. Can’t we go east too? And Rose too? Please...’ Flora Looked at Tony and thought very hard about how she was going to make this clear to him. ëLook, Tony, we can’t go there. The Master has made us part of the upper class. Maybe they will come to the west side eventually. If they can prove they are loyal enough.’ She saw Tony’s sad face. ëDon’t be upset Tony. We will move soon, I will try to move together with Rose, so you have got someone to play with.’ He looked at her with teary eyes. ëDon’t cry, everything will be alright. You are still young and everything can change in time, you have no choice but accepting it.’ She sighted. Tony took a good look at his mother, she looked all mixed up. He felt sorry for her. Everyone thought the same about this new rule, and Tony knew that. ëYou should rest some Tony, you didn’t get much sleep last night. Just think everything will be alright.’ Tony walked to his sleeping place and lay down. Once more he looked at his mother, who smiled at him. He closed his eyes. Flora watched him. ëI don’t want to miss my friends mother.’ He has his eyes open again. ëI know my son, and I understand it very well. We should get some rest now, we will talk about it later.’ Tony closed his eyes again. He was so tired that he fell asleep in less than 10 minutes. Flora watched him sleeping and closed her eyes herself. At once everything was lightened up again, she opened her eyes. In front of her she saw something big. Scared she stood up and walked backwards. She now saw it was a big wall of logs and branches. it stretched out for a long distance. She looked around her, the only thing she saw was a nice landscape. All green and full of nice trees. In the end there was a big, clean drinking place. ëWhere am I?’ She whispered. Noticing there was no one there to answer she started to walk around to look if there were any others. Then, somewhere are the end of the large wall, she saw Tony. He looked concentrated at the wall, as if he saw something bad. She walked towards him, wondering where he was looking at. ëTony?’ she asked when she was near. He looked at her, and back to the wall again. She came and stood next to him, to see where he was looking at. In this part of the wall, there was a small hole. ëIt’s the other side, mother’ said Tony. She walked a bit more towards the wall, stooped, and tried to look through the hole. This was nothing like she was used to. The only thing she saw was dirt, and dead trees. A little muddy place must have been the place where everyone should drink. She worried, where were all the others? At once Tony ran away. She turned around to look where he was going. At once a big cracking sound behind her. Her head turned again, she saw the wall. It was falling.
A scream. Darkness. Tony woke up because he heard something, it sounded like a scream. He opened his eyes quickly and saw his mother lying on the ground, sweating, with big open eyes. ëMother? What happened, is there something wrong?’ The eyes of his mother showed fear, but she didn’t respond. After a few seconds her eyes turned normal again. ëI just had a bad dream, Tony. Get back to sleep please.’ Tony turned around and closed his eyes again. He didn’t just see black, he also saw his mother, in fear, like he has never seen her before.
It seems that young ones lack the reverence of the master that the adults have. While Flora accepted it without hesitation, Tony has challenged his decree to his mother. Flora must feel so awkward. So many things in life are a requirement. Going to school, getting shots, having dentist appointments, and so forth. When a child doesn’t like it, he goes to his parents and they are stuck having to reason with him in any way possible. Simply saying, “Because you have to,” rarely works. Parents often have to rack their brains trying to bestow logic into a child’s head so he’ll accept what needs to be done. I’m sure all parents go through that, but it’s rarely easy.
That was a pretty scary dream. It seems from her sleep story that she’s afraid that something bad will happen to her son. Seeing that wall collapsing on him just seems to indicate to me that she’s worried for his wellbeing. I wonder why. I mean, the new law of having to move isn’t a dangerous thing to do. It’s simply traveling to a new location, something even safer when traveling in numbers, which is something she planned to do. Perhaps, she is worried about his feelings and her brain portrayed that in the form of danger to his life. That has happened. The brain can make connections to things we think about through other things. Therefore, maybe she isn’t worried about his life, just his state of mind.
chapter 5.
ëTony! Tony! Wake up, please!’ Tony opened his eyes again. Was it morning already? He was so tired that it just couldn’t be. Rose stood in front of him. ëSorry to wake you up, but my parents told me we will move earlier! Next morning we will travel west. Where is your mum? I could ask her to travel with us.’, she asked. Tony was still a bit sleepy. Slowly his head summarized what she had said. Sorry, move earlier. Your mum, travel with us. My mum… ëIs my mum traveling with you, but what about me?’, he asked in his confusion. ëNo Tony, I asked where your mother is.’, Rose rolled with her eyes. ëHuh?’ Tony looked around. Where is she? ëI do not know, she was here this night. She had a bad dream… And she told me to get asleep again! Where could she be?’ Rose seemed worried. Tony was even more, where did his mother go? ëMaybe she went drinking?’ Rose tried. Tony thought, is it smart if they would leave? ëShould we start searching for mother or should we stay here Rose? You are smarter than I am.’ Rose thought. Maybe we should go and get my parents first, but it is such a long distance. And maybe if his mother comes back she will see he’s not here and will start looking for him, which is obviously not a good idea. The water place it not so far of, I think we will manage to get there without any trouble. And if she isn’t there, we can still go to my parents. ëI think we should go looking for her, Tony, we should go to the water place.’ Tony nodded and walked in the right direction. Rose followed him. She never walked this path before, she always went from her home to the water place, not from Tony’s. But Tony knew the way by heart. He walked through the brown looking bushes, across the muddy path, over the leaves and under the very large, old tree. Rose could see the water place by now, it was beautiful, as always. She saw some dinosaurs standing around it, drinking, talking. Tony saw it too, he didn’t see his mother yet though. Rose started running, Tony ran along her side. They kept on looking around but didn’t see Flora. They stood in front of the water place and watched carefully. After a short time of walking around the water place, asking questions to other dinosaurs and looking with their own eyes, they gave up. Flora wasn’t here. Rose and Tony looked at each other. They sighted. ëLet’s go to my parents Tony, it will be ok.’ Tony nodded. This time Rose walked in front of Tony, straight to her home. She started to run again, so did Tony. But Rose had a far more better condition than Tony because she always runs in the evening for quite a distance. Tony knew this. After running for a while Tony said: ëStop, I can’t run on anymore, please let us walk.’ They walked from that point, but still in a high speed. Tony never had walked this route before, and he didn't know there were any purple flowers in this area. At once he saw Rose's parents, eating with Rose's younger sisters. 'There they are', Rose said. With worried faces, and a bit exhausted feeling, they walked towards Rose's parents. 'Mum, dad... We have to tell you something...'
Mm, a bit of suspense here. Something must be wrong for Tony’s mother to just vanish like that. What makes it even more ominous is that were are no clues. No footprints, no messages, no nothing. Surely she wouldn’t just vanish without a very good reason, and we as readers can’t possible imagine what that reason could be. Therefore, you’ve done an excellent job at making the readers worry and have us on the edge of our seats. We can’t wait to find out what caused her disappearance.
I thought it was cute that Rose believes that Tony is smarter than her. Such a compliment is often seen during a blossoming romance. I’ve wondered about those two over the chapters, but her admittance of him being better at something makes me think love all the more. I mean, I’ve read tons of stories and seen many movies, and girls being all like, “You’re definitely smarter than me” is often a sign of admiration. What I found nice as well was, you balances the strengths out. Tony is smarter but Rose is move physically fit. The team has intelligence and strength, split equally over the two. Deltora Quest did a thing like that. One character was the strongest, one had the most agility, and one was the fastest. Very nice job dividing out attributes like that.
chapter 6.
Rose and Tony told the whole story of Tony’s mother to her parents. Tony told about her screaming and Rose told about the search for Flora. Tony felt sad and almost had to cry. Rose’s father went out looking for Flora, while her mother took care of Rose, Rose’s sisters and Tony. Tony missed his mother a lot, so he was sitting next to a tree, alone and silent. Rose was feeling guilty and went sitting next to him. ëAre you ok?’, she asked. ëAs if you don’t know..’ He had teary eyes and felt empty. Rose was silent and took a good look at him once again. She realized how much his mother meant to him. She stood up again and told her mother she was going to get a drink , she also asked if her mother would take good care of Tony. Her mother told her everything will be ok soon. Tony saw her walking away, but his mind was full of other things. Rose is leaving, he thought, where would she go? Where is mother…? Who am I… ëTony? If we cannot find your mother, will you travel with us? I will ask the Master permission for it.’ It was Rose’s mother. Tony took a good look at her. Rose was almost the same as her mother, only a bit shorter. Her eyes were exactly the same. Her name was Citlali. Rose once told Tony it meant star. Maybe that was because of her eyes. Just like Rose’s eyes, Citlali’s eyes twinkled. Tototl was Rose’s father, he was always working hard for his family. Tony remembered that Rose had told him they were going to the upper class because her father has got loyal work. He only forgot what the work exactly was. ëI will travel with you.’ Tony said. Citlali took a good look at him once again. ëI am going to prepare some stuff for next morning. You can rest some, if you want. I will wake you when it is eating time’. Tony nodded to her. He saw her walking away and closed his eyes. You might think that a lot of things went through his mind at the moment, but it didn’t. His mind was totally empty. He closed his eyes and directly fell asleep. At the mean time Rose has had her drink and was going back to her home. She was wondering about her ënew life’, what will happen in the upper and lower class… Will things change, or mostly stay the same? ëHey, Rose!’ someone behind her called her. She turned around and saw that it was Bryan. ëHello’ She said ëwhere is Ryan?’. ëHe is sleeping, very tired. He had some sort of sleep story last night about that we were about to never see each other again.’, he answered. ëNever is a big word’, Rose said, ëBut sleep stories aren’t nice. It is good for him to rest.’ She thought… Bryan and Ryan don’t know when they are moving yet. ëBryan, we will be moving west tomorrow already. O.. And Tony’s mother is gone.’. ëMoving tomorrow?! I must wake Ryan to tell him this!’ She shook her head. ëWe must let him sleep. Tony will be traveling with us because his mother is gone…’ Bryan didn’t believe this. Both Rose and Tony will be gone tomorrow? He didn’t even want to believe it. ëWhere did his mother go then?’ He asked. ëI just don’t know Bryan, Tony told me his mother had a sleep story and even screamed in her sleep. And this morning when I woke Tony to ask him if they would some with us next morning his mother wasn’t there. Now he is at our home.’ ëCould you come with me? I am going to check whether Ryan is awake already. I just must tell him. Or do you want to go to Tony?’ The Canyon was really silent at this moment, Rose noticed that while thinking. Everybody must be busy with moving their stuff or preparing for it… ëWe will go to Ryan, probably Tony is asleep as well at this moment. He has probably nothing else to do.’ Bryan nodded. ëfollow me’ he said. Rose followed Bryan while he was walking to his home.
Rose’s parents are great! They were willing to take Tony along just like that. It was cute how Rose was at a loss for words as to cheering Tony up, so simply asked her mother if she’d care for him. He was a bit rude to her, though his fear makes that understandable. Rose was wise to leave him there for a bit. He was too upset to think clearly and respond kindly. Wow, he must have been exhausted. He just woke up after a night’s sleep then falls asleep yet again. I guess all his emotions really tuckered him out. And again, Rose acts wisely. Bryan wanted to tell Ryan about moving, but she advised him to let his brother have his rest. Rose will definitely make a good mother someday.
So far, this story looks great. You have realistic characters, mystery (both of Tony’s mother and who this master is), and love. I’m not here to make you feel obligated, but if you ever continue this, it would please me greatly. You are a good writer that knows how to handle a story. If I may make a guess, was Rose modeled off of you? I can see similarities. You both have that motherly nature. Thank you again for showing this story to me. It was a pleasure to read.
