The Gang of Five
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The Land Before Time: Far Away Home

Caustizer · 415 · 53466

Pangaea

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Quote from: Caustizer,Jan 17 2011 on  01:40 PM
'Uncie' was originally my attempt at creating some recognition between Glide and Sturgeon on a family level, but looking at it now it just sounds stupid.  I'll go back and change it for sure.
Oh, that wasn't a typo? Sorry. :oops



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Sky

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Finally, here I go:
First off, my biggest apology for my absolute irresponsible and late respond to this matter... :slap  It was stupid of me not to response in such an amount of time (3 weeks), therefore, I'm very sorry. -_-

I loved the reunion of Ruby and Chomper and also the meeting with Chomper's parents.
Phew... I never thought that Siak actually had children. :blink: I wonder what happend to them? It's a very tragic story of what happened to her mate...  :(
Siak lost her mate, but it looks like Ruby found hers. :wub
Heh, Glide is quite an agressive person along the end of the chapter.  :o

You'll probably already know what I'm going to say: Great chapter as always!  :)


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Providing a bit of an update. :angel

I have about a single page done of the next chapter, since I deleted a portion of it I thought wasn't written right (its a good thing I edit these multiple times for quality prior to posting them).

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I feel kinda bad about this.  I have been so sick these past few days that I haven't been able to work on it at all.  Its more than a month since I posted the second part of the chapter, and it looks like I have a ton of catching up to do still in schoolwork that I haven't done.

I'll do my best to have it ready by the end of this weekend (when my schedule calms down a bit) or failing that before my reading week in two weeks.

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Don't worry about it, Caustizer. Take care of your schoolwork first. It'll be a lot easier to concentrate on writing the story once that's out of the way. :yes I'm sure Sky can concur that both him and I have had real-life issues recently that have kept us from attending to our GOF activities (including work relating to Far Away Home); it wouldn't be fair to you for us to have set a date by which we expected the next chapter. Besides, I've told you before: I'll always take a delayed chapter that you've taken your time to write over a rushed chapter posted on time. We can wait for it. :)



Pronounced "pan-JEE-uh". Spelled with three A's. Represented by a Lystrosaurus.


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Worked on this again tonight, but ending the Ruby's gang storyline produces such a daunting length... especially when I got 3 assignments and 1 midterm due until reading week starts this Friday. :-/

My current count is at about 1000 words of good material out of about 4000-6000 i estimate it is going to take to do it.

Some inspiration would appreciated, but as always not required :angel

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As Pangaea already said, take your time. :)
I'm sure those schoolworks are much more important now so work on those first. Believe me, nothing is much more painful than being stressed with school stuff (especially stuff you don't like).

Haha, I hope to work on more LBT artwork to keep you inspired!  :lol


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Two Months in the making and after countless delays I don't even want to tallk about, here is the final part of te Battle for the Sonicron chapter:

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Part X: The Battle of the Sonicron (B)


Aizon met with the leaders of the Runners and the Wingtails, and Chomper’s parents the next day to discuss the final attack plans.  Even though they were nearly big enough to be considered grownups by now, Ruby and the rest of the gang were not allowed to attend.  They were all disappointed, but Cera made the biggest show arguing with the senior runner that consigned them to Siak’s care.  

Only Chomper was allowed to go, mainly because he had to translate for his mom and dad.  This left Ruby, Cera, Gentry, Thylo, and Swiftwalker with nothing else to do but sit around and wait for the young sharptooth to return and hopefully clue them in on what’s going to happen.  The eggstealer and the spiketail had little trouble passing the time, engaging in a game of “I See Around Me” and soon Cera had joined in too in her own way.  At the same time, the two fastrunners simply talked.  

They spoke of dozens of things, ranging from favourite type of fish, to how they got along with their siblings, to strange things that had happened to them over the course of their lives.  Ruby recalled her family sending her away to protect her from Redclaw, her first experiences living with leaf-eaters, and how Chomper and she had became such good friends.  Swiftwalker listened the whole time, and asked questions with interest.  She couldn’t help but feel that everyday the bond between the two of them was growing stronger. Perhaps what Aizon had said was a bit more serious then she had originally thought.  Midway through their conversation, Swiftwalker’s father came and abruptly ended the encounter, insisting that it was time for his son to prepare for battle and Ruby had watched him go with a slight sense of longing.

Late morning Siak returned to meet them under a single great tree, and she wasn’t alone.  Coming in behind the female spike mouth like a flock of flyers was a collection of young runners of all ages, ranging from a few months after hatching to just behind the gang in age.  They were chattering to themselves and fooling around like all kids do and it seemed like it was an effort for Siak just to keep them in line and following her.

“Follow me now… keep up!” she tittered, just like a mother would, before turning her snout towards the half of the gang present, “oh… well hello my young friends!”

“Hi,” responded Cera half-heartedly.  By the way she was dragging one of her paws around in the dirt, it was clear the threehorn was bored with the game.

“Yay, friends!” announced Thylo, and she bounded towards the runners she had bonded with over the past many days.  They seemed equally glad to see her, and some had even brought new types of food for her to try.  As the dark green spiketail happily indulged, Gentry got up and stretched.

“Well I’ve had just about enough of all this sitting around then… when are we going someplace else?”

As if on queue Chomper emerged, coming down the path that had long ago been cemented down by the repeated passings of the jungle runners to join his friends.  He seemed to be in a good mood, and almost everybody stopped what they were doing to greet him.

“Ah it’s the little sharptooth back again,” commented Gentry, “music to my ears in the face of all this boredom.”

“Hey Chomper,” added Cera happily.  Hopefully he could shed some light on exactly what the wingtails and runners were planning, since overall the entire group of them including Siak had been left in the dark.

“Hey Cera,” responded Chomper with a wave, “wow that Aizon flyer is really smart… half the things he talked about I didn’t know how to say!”

“Chomper!” uttered Ruby with glee, “We have been waiting so long I almost forgot what we had been waiting for.”

“Maybe sharptooth friend tell us what you waiting for,” suggested a female jungle runner who happened to be nearby, sticking her nose into the conversation.

“Umm,” began Chomper, as if he wasn’t exactly sure where to start, “Well… he talked mostly while using a stick to draw lines in the sand, and they were kinda strange but my parents seemed to get it when I translated it for them.”

“What did he say?” asked Ruby out of curiosity, which seemed to echo the concerns of everyone else.

“I can’t remember all of it,” replied Chomper, “but I do remember him saying that the wingtails should attack when the runners reach the Sonicron…whatever that is.”

“The glass horn!” interjected Gentry in surprise, “by the Bright Circle that’s what they had me and the little one yelling into there.”

“But what else,” pushed Cera, “…when do we finally get to stomp the sharpteeth?”

The presence of wingtails in the little alliance that was going on had bothered Cera for a while, but over time both her growth of mind and body had changed her thoughts to the point where it now occurred to her that there were bigger fish to catch.  All her life she had been running from sharpteeth, and now that these ëbad flyers’ had seen the light and were going to join the fight against them too she was willing to forgive them for past embarrassments…for a couple days at least.

“Oh no no no no!” butted in Siak, “none of you children will be going… I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if one of you got hurt.”

Cera grumbled in disapproval, but otherwise said nothing.  The conversation ended there, with Siak going back to her duties and the others continuing as they were before Chomper had arrived.  Silently, Ruby took her best friend away towards the edge of the undergrowth.

“I’m hungry,” commented Chomper, “…Can we go fishing again? That brown one you caught last time was unbelievable.”

Unfortunately Ruby didn’t seem to be in the mood for it, as shown by the concern and worry adorning her face.  She had more pressing concerns she wanted to ask him.

“Chomper, what happens to the others if they don’t make it that far?”

“Hmm,” thought the sharptooth out loud, before shrugging, “… they get eaten I guess.”

Ruby gasped, and glanced eagerly towards the path Swiftwalker and his father had gone down sometime before.  Something was going to go wrong… she could feel it.  The thought of a sharptooth picking his teeth on her new best friend sent a shiver of terror down her spine, and in an instant she made the decision to go after him.  Taking off through the bushes she was gone in less then ten seconds.

“Ruby, where are you going?  Wait!” called out Chomper, and he dashed after her too.

Cera saw the whole thing, and turned her head around to see if Siak was looking.  Sure enough, the Spikemouth was busy wagging finger in discipline at the two runners who had fought earlier.  Gentry was beside her too looking on, while Thylo had gone back to playing with the others and didn’t even bother to notice.

“Hah, I’m getting in with this,” the threehorn said daringly and soon she was gone as well.

“Don’t look now,” stated Gentry smugly, “but it looks like half the herd’s gone and run off again.”

“What!?!” called out Siak in surprise, and she turned around to notice the missing dinosaurs, “Drat! ...  A hundred times drat!”

“Wouldn’t you know it they went and left me behind as well… some friends they are,” commented Gentry somewhat inappropriately.

Siak turned to the white egg-stealer and gave him a ëdon’t you even think about going after them’ look.  Gentry recoiled and stuck up his arms a little bit.

“Oh no, don’t you worry… I have no desire to go and get myself torn to bones by a pack of ravenous sharpteeth thank you.”

In her absence the two young runners had started shouting at each other again, and the incessant yelling could unfortunately be heard by both the Egg-Stealer and the Spike-mouth.  Sighing, Siak glanced down the pathway the runner, sharptooth and threehorn had taken towards the battle with a look of worry before returning to her work.  Whatever happened, their fate was out of her hands now.


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They had been in the Feral Forest now for almost a season, and Tharon was losing his patience.  The massive sharptooth was frustrated by not only by the shortage of food, and the hideous amount of flyer droppings everywhere, and the incessant rebellions of lesser sharpteeth questioning his command, but by the complete lack of instructions from his brother and alpha some dozen horizons away.  

He had been told to seize the Feral Forest - just as he had done for the Forgotten Forest a short time ago - and to subjugate the inhabitants, but everywhere he looked there was no meat or prey… just a bunch of screeching wingtails able to carry on with their normal lives above their heads.  If things didn’t change soon, he would head back and challenge his brother’s authority himself.  If he, Tharon, was the alpha things would be much different.

An unfortunate tree got in Tharon’s way as he prowled around the western edges of the forest near the lake, and in anger he bull rushed it… crushing the poor sapling into oblivion.  Not caring at all, the hot tempered sharptooth carried on with his stomping hunt.  He passed a few fast-biters picking at some fish bones on the rocky shore left by a few wingtails they had chased off, and they hissed their displeasure at the current situation in disrespect.  He growled threateningly in return, and they bowed their heads in submission so as not to provoke their pack leader.

Tharon ached for something to get rid of the boredom and the burning of hunger in his stomach… he needed a fight… yes he wanted a challenge from something big and muscular and deadly.  Silently, the massive sharptooth wondered where Tyrus had gotten to.

A booming roar suddenly echoed through the landscape, tearing through the trees and the edge of the lake like the mighty call of the Earth itself.  It was backed up by a similar bellow, just as deep and eager for blood.  Tharon straightened up immediately, and turned to face the direction the thunderous sounds came from.  The pathetic fast-biters immediately turned tail and ran in the opposition direction.  A slight grin manifested itself on Tharon’s visage as he faced down the advancing pair of Chomper’s Mom and Dad as they crashed through the undergrowth.  Perhaps the Great Circle had answered his wishes after all… he would enjoy putting them both down and consuming their broken bodies.  With a deep roar of his own, Tharon charged forward to meet his attackers with glee.


….


The afternoon light of the Great Circle shined through the canopies of the Abyssal Jungle as if the great sky itself had blessed them.  A host of jungle runners almost a hundred strong all stalked carefully through the brush, moving as one entity in near absolute silence.  Their bodies were covered in mud to obscure their scent, and some had even used the charcoal from Aizon’s fire to draw lines on their faces and bodies to help them blend in to the surroundings.  The only sounds to be heard were the rustling of the trees above, and the light breaths of wind that occasionally penetrated the thick vegetation to cool the sweat off their brows… all the fliers here had been warned about the attack by the wingtails, and had either fled or followed along with them to watch.  The grim and tense nature of the situation was beating on Swiftwalker’s nerves, as both he and the others around him knew that at some point the sharpteeth would be coming.  They had to stick together and obey Aizon’s plan… otherwise if they didn’t make it to the clearing they would be getting no help from the Wingtails.

Swiftwalker’s father, who led the pack comprised of much of his family excluding his mom and his hatchling siblings, motioned harshly with his hand for them to halt.  Sternly, he shifted his gaze towards a runner farther up who was giving hand signals.  Reading them, he nodded and passed the information onto the others nearby.

“Sharpteeth… two fastbiters, one scytheclaw in woods ahead.  Stay silent, stay brave.”

Swiftwalker cringed his feet in the dirt in fear… this was it, they were about to make contact with a bunch of mouths full of vicious teeth. He had never seen a sharptooth before… only heard about them in stories, which certainly didn’t help his nerves at all.

Suddenly his father shot out his arm again for them to halt, and this time it was serious.

“Something below down hill… may be enemy or friend… keep close.”

Swiftwalker looked down to see what it was, and his brothers followed suit.  Through the trees down in a small former riverbed a two legged creature dashed hurriedly through the undergrowth.  The mud-covered runner squinted to try and get a better view, and caught a clear flash of pink skin.  His heart sank… it couldn’t be Ruby could it?

“Swifty!” it called out, “where are you Swifty!”

Swiftwalker gasped.  That was the nickname Ruby called him… it was her!  His father noticed his reaction, and heard the voice as well.

“Stupid, stupid girl,” he fumed, “… sharpteeth kill her for mistake.”

As if on queue, a terrible scream echoed throughout the woods.  Ruby was in trouble!  Swiftwalker didn’t hesitate for a moment and blasted down the slope as fast as his legs could carry him.  He felt one of his brothers try and stop him and the shouting of his father behind his back but neither stopped him as he barrelled down the hill and onto and over the sandy riverbed to the other side.  The bank of the dried out river was too high for him to run up, and with an impressive leap through the air he hit the top and pulled himself up using his hands.  Franticly, he began calling out.

“Ruby… Ruby where are you?  I look for you!”

He repeated the words, desperately trying to find her before she got hurt.  His gut tightened as he realized she was probably already dead… the sharpteeth were vicious and merciless hunters, and would have jumped at the chance to separate her flesh from her bones.  As the reality set in, Swiftwalker stopped searching and hung his head.  Now it seemed like he would never get the chance to say to her what he really wanted to say…before he had been too embarrassed to admit it but he had waited too long, and now she was gone.

Just as he began to despair, like lightning Ruby dashed out of the woods towards him and – in her fright – barrelled right into him knocking them both over.  His lack of scent and camouflaged skin had prevented her from seeing him until the very last second.  Lying on his back on the leafy ground, Swiftwalker was the first to recover and get back onto his feet.

“Ruby…” he whispered in amazement, “you… okay.”

“Uggh,” moaned Ruby as she opened her eyes, “…Swifty?”

A terrible group of screeches slashed through the air as the thing Ruby had been running from was revealed to be a pack of sharpteeth.  Though Swiftwalker couldn’t see them, his pounding heart and keen survival instincts told him of the danger facing them both.

“Come!” insisted the muddy-blue runner as he grabbed her hand and pulled her up off the ground, “…We Run! Go!”

Ruby didn’t need to be told twice, and with the male runner half pulling her the two of them sprinted as fast as they could through the undergrowth.  Like diving flyers, the fast-biters pursuing them blasted through the bush after them.  The sharpteeth were Tyron’s Stalkers, and they were hungry.  Their training was not just to hunt but also to kill more efficiently then any other sharpteeth in the world.  Tyron’s ilk had caught onto the scent of the runners a long way back, and were ready for them in the trees… the mud was no more effective at obscuring them to sharpteeth senses then normal dirt.  The Battle of the Sonicron had already started, and these 3 fast-biters were all too happy to break away and chase down some easy meat.

With the entire greater pack drawn to the large group of runners the two sides had one massive standoff, with hisses and growls being tossed between them along with a few rocks from the runner side.  All the jungle runners were packed together as one tight ball, and just like the navy Wingtail had told them the sharpteeth were too cowardly to individually strike when they were against a foe so united.  If one fast-biter attacked, odds are he would be pummelled to death by kicking feet and rocks… so none of them tried.  Slowly and surely the runners were gaining ground, but it was nowhere near fast enough to reach the clearing before daybreak.  If anything, they needed a miracle to keep it up.

“We need to make it to the clearing so the Wingtails know we are there,” Ruby instructed desperately.

“I know,” responded Swiftwalker between breaths, “sharpteeth get closer… we go faster!”

The two were moving so fast now the world was passing in a blur, but the element that remained was the snarls of the pursuing fast-biters… and they were getting closer.  One of them hissed loudly and Swiftwalker turned quickly to see what they looked like, gasping in horror as he saw the sharpness of their bared teeth and the blood in their eyes.  He was so distracted that he didn’t notice a protruding branch and hit it at full speed, taking out his legs from under him.  Rolling repeatedly, he landed in a heap farther down.

“Swifty!” Ruby called out, but she was far ahead by now.

Coming to his senses, Swiftwalker stared right into the faces of death themselves.  The three sharpteeth salivated with anticipation and began to bicker lightly about who got to make the kill.  Thudd was starving and impatient, and waited until the other two were distracted enough to deal the final blow.  Backing the whimpering runner into a corner, he opened his mouth and made ready to pounce… only to be hit directly in the face by a flying foot.  

Ruby had come back and leapt into the air, clocking Thudd right between the eyes for the second time since their first meeting.  The fast-biter staggered back, both in shock and recognition of his attacker.  Recovering from the blow he growled at Ruby in displeasure, but strangely halted his hunt.  The two runners took the opening and fled with all the speed their tired legs still possessed.  Not wasting any time, Thudd’s two pack mates chased them into the woods leaving the fast-biter alone.  Sure he was hungry but if there was one important thing he had learned from Chomper it was that it wasn’t okay to have friends for dinner.



Tharon dodged and slashed left and right.  These two challengers were experienced and had worked together before, and fighting both of them at once was becoming very taxing.  Both the male and the female frequently attacked at the same time on opposite sides and although Tharon had the conditioning to fight them off he was covered with gashes and cuts.  They charged at him again he found a weakness in the male and ducked under his snapping jaws to hit him with a slicing kick to the throat.  Tharon’s opponent roared in pain and backed away, but the female took revenge and steamrolled him over, pushing over his massive frame and shattering a few upper leg and arm bones in the process.  The pain was unimaginable, and even with Tharon’s hardiness it was tough to bear without wasting his strength in a roar.

Unable to get up fully, Tharon roared in defiance to his female attacker as he stood on one and a half legs.  Her mate had already collapsed, making it finally a one on one fight.  The two sharpteeth faced each other down, and Chomper’s Mom glanced back briefly towards her companion with concern before hardening her stance and making ready to finish the fight.

Suddenly the sounds of yet more stomping feet heralded the arrival of back up for Tharon – Tyrus had arrived.  The Sharptooth Prince approached the fight with an unreadable expression, calmly surveying the scene and the broken apart forest around them.  Not committing to any action, the sharptooth newcomer halted and watched.

“Tyrus!” Tharon shouted, angered by Tyrus’ lack of urgency, “…help me!”

Unamused, the Prince snorted but otherwise did nothing.

“By the blood of your family and the order of your father I demand you help me!”

Tyrus suddenly grinned.  It was a smile that indicated a thought had crossed his mind… a single, overruling thought that surfaced like a dead fish in boiling volcanic water.  With an icy purpose many seasons in the making Prince Tyrus advanced not on the female challenger, but his own uncle.

“You dare betray me you snivelling little whelp?  When you father hears of this he will-”

Tharon was cut off as Tyrus shot forward with unthinkable speed and snapped his jaws around his Uncle’s throat.  The mighty sharpteeth struggled with all his remaining strength, but blood loss and suffocation began to take its toll and he fell to the ground... breathing his last death throes.

“Just so you know,” chided the Sharptooth Prince as he licked the blood off his teeth, “…my father is next.”

Tharon moaned, and then fell limp as he died.

Relishing his sudden ascension in the world, Tyrus turned to the female who now stood in front of him.  She advanced slowly forward, but unthreateningly.  With a glance back at her dying mate, Chomper’s Mom did something her son would never fully understand.  In a smooth and brief gesture she and Tyrus touched noses, sealing the pact as she chose her second mate.

Unbeknownst to the two courting sharpteeth, Chomper was present and had watched the whole thing from a nearby bluff.  Thinking of his now dead father, a single tear ran down his face… but no more.  It was not in sharptooth nature to mourn the dead, and while it had actually happened that he had lost a loved one he felt strangely ungrieved.  Maybe it was that he had hardly known his father that much… or even more likely maturity had begun to settle in and bring change in his young sharptooth mind.  Either way big change was about to come for him… whether he knew it or not.





Ruby and Swiftwalker made the clearing in full haste, bursting through the bushes on the edge of Sonicron Hill like speeding bullets.  The sharpteeth were still in pursuit, but a ways behind.  The first thing that caught Ruby immediately on arrival was the horrible ringing emerging from the Sonicron as she laid eyes on it for the second time.  Memories of the horrible evens that happened here still lingered, and fleetingly she imagined rows of wingtails – all starting down on her with dark glares of hatred – and it was almost too much.  The words of Eybron seemed burned in her brain, like the words of Death itself speaking:

“You will not speak unless I tell you to… you will not move unless I tell you to.  If you try to escape you will not only die but you will suffer… am I clear?”

She had never been more afraid then, more hurt.  It was strange to think that now so many days later here she was working with the wingtails to save everyone from the sharpteeth.

“Some of them lost brothers and sisters to your kind – and others, lost their hatchlings as well.”

Ruby shut her eyes in terror… the Sonicron, the ringing, the wind… it was all too loud.

“SCREAM!  SCREAM or you DIE!”

This time Ruby screamed again.  The sharpteeth had backed them into a corner against the glass horn… there was no way out.  The wingtails had clearly betrayed them… there was not one anywhere to be seen… the plans, the attack, Aizon, all of it had been a lie… a plot to get the jungle runners and the sharpteeth to destroy each other.  And worst of all… she had played a big part in it.  Swiftwalker was with her, standing beside her… it was only the two of them left now.

“ATTACK!!!” Screeched Theanol from trees.

 The green wingtail elder was joined by dozens of wingtails in one massive battle cry that silenced all else save for the Sonicron.  The ancient volcanic glass horn sucked up the noise and amplified it, filling the entire forest with the thunderous call.  All through the forest Wingtails and other flyers burst from the trees and joined the fight.

Caught by complete surprise the pack of Sharpteeth that had made a ravenous semi-circle around the advancing runners scattered the moment the swarm of wingtails fell upon them.  Utter chaos reigned as runner and wingtail kicked, bit, and scratched any piece of a sharptooth they could get within range.  Soon, it became apparent that there were no more sharpteeth left to fight… all the fast-biters had fled with their tails between their legs out of the forest, leaving their small numbers of dead behind.  Aizon’s plan had worked.

Overall the entire Battle had lasted just over an hour, with victory won in short order with almost no casualties.  The runners and wingtails had such a superior force both in numbers and in tactics it was almost no contest – the Feral Forest was free.


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Ruby awoke from the terrible nightmare just as night had begun to fall over the landscape.  It was a bit of a chilly breeze, but strangely she was quite warm.  Turning over she soon saw the reason for this – Swiftwalker was sleeping right next to her and his warmth was what she found so comforting.  Shifting slightly and rising from the ground, the fastrunner stretched and looked around, making sure she wasn’t dead or just dreaming this.  The Sonicron was almost right behind them, and its call was nothing more then a dull roar even this close.  There was no wind, and seeing it like this with no scary wingtails or harsh earthquakes for the first time she saw it for the beautiful creation it really was.  Whoever made it must have been amazing.

“So you’re finally up,” commented a voice from behind her, “it’s about time.”

Ruby turned on her feet to see Cera staring back at her.  The threehorn looked smug and happy, like she had some great news to share.  Swiftwalker moaned and stretched, rising to his feet in the background.

“What is it Cera?” questioned Ruby, noticing it.

“I guess I’m the first one to tell you guys this,” went on Cera, “…but we won.  I didn’t get there fast enough to get a piece of any sharpteeth I’ll say that much.”

“Sharpteeth all…gone?” asked Swiftwalker in disbelief.

“Yep,” replied Cera, “every single one of them… you should come down to the shore, all the wingtails and runners are celebrating and it’s quite the blast.”

“We won! Can you believe it, we did it… we got away!” declared Ruby as she hugged Swiftwalker.

The jungle runner was still half asleep at a bit startled at the sudden burst of affection, but after a moment he had wrapped his arms around her too and they embraced real close.

“Bah,” snorted Cera, “unless you lovebirds are happier up here ëalone’.”

“That would be really nice…” commented Ruby dreamily.


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Pangaea

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Wow. :o So is that it? The end of the Ruby storyline? That was over faster than I expected, but it was great! :smile (You’ll have to excuse the lateness and possible awkward wording of this review; I had a very hard time putting my thoughts into words for some reason. :wacko)

Quote
“Sharpteeth… two fastbiters, one scytheclaw in woods ahead. Stay silent, stay brave.”
What kind of dinosaur is a scytheclaw? Are you thinking of Therizinosaurus? It was a herbivore, just so you know.

That was another interesting insight into sharptooth “culture” in the scene with Chomper’s mother and Tyrus. So Tyrus is basically Chomper’s stepfather now. Wow. I never saw that coming. :blink: I’m guessing, however, that Chomper won’t be able to stay with his mother anymore now; assuming the sharpteeth in your story are anything like lions, crocodiles, and a lot of other carnivores: they won’t tolerate unrelated youngsters living around them, and will either drive them away or kill them at the first opportunity. Poor Chomper. :(

Thud kind of came out of nowhere in this chapter. So he’s a Stalker now? Yikes. (Hopefully he’s a more efficient hunter now than he was in the TV series. :p) I’m expecting that this isn’t the last we’ll see of him, though; somehow I feel like his role in the story hasn’t yet been fully played out. Loved the “friends for dinner” reference, by the way. :lol

I think Ruby’s flashback upon seeing the Sonicron, and subsequent fear that Aizon had betrayed them, was a great addition to the chapter. I swear it even gave me a moment of doubt. And it really drove home how traumatic the former incident at the Sonicron was for Ruby.

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…all the fast-biters had fled with their tails between their legs out of the forest…
I can’t tell if that was meant to be figurative or not; I don’t think dromaeosaur tails were capable of being tucked beneath the body, and since the tail was crucial for balance, I don’t think a fleeing fast biter would do that even if it could. (Don’t mind this…I’m just thinking out loud.)

The battle scene was much shorter and less detailed than I had expected it would be. Not that that’s a bad thing at all; it was refreshing to see a case of a battle being won quickly and easily due to strategy, rather than a drawn-out fracas with heavy casualties on both sides. It occurs to me that they still have a long way to go if they plan on beating back Tyron’s empire, though.

I have just a few nitpicks for this chapter:

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As if on queue Chomper emerged, coming down the path that had long ago been cemented down by the repeated passings of the jungle runners to join his friends.
The spelling here should be “cue”, referring to a signal. A “queue” is a waiting line or a braid of hair.

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Swiftwalker cringed his feet in the dirt in fear… this was it, they were about to make contact with a bunch of mouths full of vicious teeth. He had never seen a sharptooth before… only heard about them in stories, which certainly didn’t help his nerves at all.
Hasn’t Swiftwalker met Chomper and his parents? :confused Maybe this should be: “Outside of Chomper’s family, he had never seen a sharptooth before”.

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The jungle runner was still half asleep at a bit startled at the sudden burst of affection, but after a moment he had wrapped his arms around her too and they embraced real close.
The first “at” should be “and” and the second should be “by”. My real problem with this sentence, though, is with the words “real close”. It just sounds too…slangy, and I’m sure it’s grammatically incorrect, so it feels awkward in the narrative (and somehow, I think it would sound strange even if you changed it to “really close”). I think “closely” would be  a sufficient alternative.

I’m very interested to see how the loose ends in this chapter tie up, not to mention what happens with the rest of the characters. :smile



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Caustizer

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Wow. :o So is that it? The end of the Ruby storyline? That was over faster than I expected, but it was great! :smile (You’ll have to excuse the lateness and possible awkward wording of this review; I had a very hard time putting my thoughts into words for some reason. :wacko)

It's not the 'end' end for Ruby's storyline... I just meant that it was the climax of that side of the story.  From here on out its more of a conclusion for them, since the great villian of that part of the story has been defeated.  Next chapter will be the same thing for Littlefoot and Sky in Burning In The Skies.

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“Sharpteeth… two fastbiters, one scytheclaw in woods ahead. Stay silent, stay brave.”
What kind of dinosaur is a scytheclaw? Are you thinking of Therizinosaurus? It was a herbivore, just so you know.[/QUOTE]

It's simply another type of fastbiter... kind of like a sickleclaw.  It was for this scene only I decided to differentiate them because the runners are signalling one another.

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That was another interesting insight into sharptooth “culture” in the scene with Chomper’s mother and Tyrus. So Tyrus is basically Chomper’s stepfather now. Wow. I never saw that coming. :blink: I’m guessing, however, that Chomper won’t be able to stay with his mother anymore now; assuming the sharpteeth in your story are anything like lions, crocodiles, and a lot of other carnivores: they won’t tolerate unrelated youngsters living around them, and will either drive them away or kill them at the first opportunity. Poor Chomper. :(

We will see. :angel

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Thudd kind of came out of nowhere in this chapter. So he’s a Stalker now? Yikes. (Hopefully he’s a more efficient hunter now than he was in the TV series. :p) I’m expecting that this isn’t the last we’ll see of him, though; somehow I feel like his role in the story hasn’t yet been fully played out. Loved the “friends for dinner” reference, by the way. :lol

Thudd has been with Tyron since he started in the story (I thought I implied this pretty heavily in Act II, but i guess it wasn't heavy enough).  The story was that Tyron's Stalkers assimilated his pack, so the only way for him to stay alive was to serve.

Quote
I can’t tell if that was meant to be figurative or not; I don’t think dromaeosaur tails were capable of being tucked beneath the body, and since the tail was crucial for balance, I don’t think a fleeing fast biter would do that even if it could. (Don’t mind this…I’m just thinking out loud.)

It's not literal... of course they can't run with their tails between their legs  :lol

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The spelling here should be “cue”, referring to a signal. A “queue” is a waiting line or a braid of hair.

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Swiftwalker cringed his feet in the dirt in fear… this was it, they were about to make contact with a bunch of mouths full of vicious teeth. He had never seen a sharptooth before… only heard about them in stories, which certainly didn’t help his nerves at all.
Hasn’t Swiftwalker met Chomper and his parents? :confused Maybe this should be: “Outside of Chomper’s family, he had never seen a sharptooth before”.[/QUOTE]

This is my mistake.  I'll change it.

Caustizer.


Sky

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It makes me even more excited for the next installment after reading this!  :smile

Oh wow... I feel so sorry for Chomper right now.  :cry Losing his real father and get a 'new' father who killed his real father :( (such a stupid wording, I know :p)

Hmm... I think this part is focused more to Ruby and Swiftwalker's relationship, rather than the battle for the sonicron itself. But it was awesome nevertheless and it was good to see Thud again. :D


Pangaea

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Quote from: Sky,Mar 4 2011 on  04:12 PM
Oh wow... I feel so sorry for Chomper right now.  :cry Losing his real father and get a 'new' father who killed his real father :( (such a stupid wording, I know :p)
No, it was Tharon who killed Chomper's dad. Tyrus, his new “dad”, finished off Tharon, but never attacked either of Chomper's parents. (I don't think he's even met Chomper yet. :blink:)

Although I've praised the villains and antiheroes of this story many times before, one thing I haven't mentioned is how much I like the complex and often fluctuating status of many of the antagonists. Glide started out with the intent of murdering Sky; later he worked for Eybron; was imprisoned by Eybron; escaped with a group of Sky's friends and became their guardian; now he's setting off to kill Eybron. Tyrus attacked Sky and the gang, plans to betray his father, secretly gave information to Eybron, killed his uncle (Tharon), and is now the new mate of the mother of one of Sky's friends. And Thud…well, I'm not sure where to start. Basically, this is one of the most tangled networks of friends and enemies I've ever seen in a story, and I love it! :smile



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Caustizer

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Quote from: Pangaea,Mar 4 2011 on  11:11 PM
Basically, this is one of the most tangled networks of friends and enemies I've ever seen in a story, and I love it! :smile
Then I guess we will see who turns out to be evil in the end... and who turns out to be good! :angel

Thanks for your timely reviews!


Sky

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Quote from: Pangaea,Mar 4 2011 on  11:11 PM
No, it was Tharon who killed Chomper's dad. Tyrus, his new “dad”, finished off Tharon, but never attacked either of Chomper's parents.
Aah! Stupid me.  :oops  Got a little confused back there...  :p

Quote from: Caustizer,Mar 5 2011 on  12:38 AM
Then I guess we will see who turns out to be evil in the end... and who turns out to be good! dino_angel.gif
Now you make me even more excited!  :wow :^.^:


Caustizer

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I've begun working on the next chapter... Sky and Littlefoot's Climax -Burning in the Skies.  It looks like it could be another one of those super long two-part chapters like the last two, but if it is I'll let you guys know.

This particular chapter is one that I have been looking forward to for a very long time, and have been planning since the beginning.  When you envision a story you should know the beginning and the end and fill the rest in as you go... and now that the filler is pretty much done I'm eager to see what you guys think of what I've done over the past few years. :angel

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Serris

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Wow. This might get even more epic than before. Looking forward to it!

Poster of the GOF's 200,000th post

Please read and rate: Land Before Time: Twilight Valley - The GOF's original LBT war story.


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Really looking forward to it. This has to be one of the best stories I've ever read.


Caustizer

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The chips are almost down.  There are two chapters left in the story in addition to the epilogue (Burning in the Skies and Sky's Trial respectively) and I'm running into exams and just so busy lately, so they are proving difficult to complete.

I've written up and editted the leading lines into the next chapter (ie one of the first sections) and I feel it is all ready for inclusion, so despite my hard convictions to delivering as complete a chapter as I can each time I post I'm going to put it up anyway.

I'm sure you will all appreciate it.

Causitzer.

Part XI: Burning in the Skies (A)

The sky burned as the morning great circle began to rise above the horizon.  Rain was in the air, and in the distance it showed in the great arches of red light that adorned the farthest reaches of sight like a running line of blood.  Yet there was also a strange stillness, like the day itself was holding its breath for what was to come.  There was not so much as a peep in the air, as all the flyers had left… all except for Eybron’s Wingtails which had taken pleasure in chasing them off.

In the elevated clearing where the Eye of the World lay, a white wingtail sat alone like a solitary sentinel.  Eybron was busy watching the Great Circle rise, and like a ravenous sharptooth he was eager to be bathed in it’s rays so that his vengeance upon the Valley that slighted him would be complete.  First however, there was a more important matter to be dealt with.

Star was being held face-down on the ground nearby, flanked by two different wingtails who were notably less kind in their treatment of the returning captive.  Her previous guard had failed in his duty to keep her here and in his clutches, so naturally he had been punished accordingly.  He had only beaten Edwin until he tired of the exertion, but unfortunately it was remarkably close to the time the green wingtail had stopped breathing.  It was such a waste, having to kill one of his own kin in such a fashion… but this was war and there were no excuses for breaking ranks in Eybron’s eyes.

After about five minutes or so Barrau finally arrived, landing a safe distance away and approaching on foot.  With how events had been unfolding recently, he was clearly somewhat afraid of being too close to he white wingtail he called master.

“You’re late,” remarked Eybron coldly, a look of stern impatience on his face.

“I apologize my lord,” breathed the brown wingtail, “but I had to make sure the valley land walkers were for sure not going to be uniting against us…”

“…And?” pushed the white wingtail insensitively.

“They are not convinced of Sky’s intentions… it appears they will not be bothering us.”

Eybron snarled softly at the mention of the blue wingtail, prompting Barrau to take a step backwards.

“Good,” replied the white wingtail, “they wallow in ignorance like a water swimmer plucked from the sea… all the better for my little show this morning.”

“Pardon,” interrupted Barrau timidly, “…but you are planning a show?”

“Of course,” confirmed Eybron with a slight grin, “We’ll all get to laugh as their little paradise burns to ashes around them.  All too fitting an end for such brainless beasts for meddling in our affairs.”

Barrau looked really uncomfortable at the prospect.  These leaf eaters had nothing to do with the sharpteeth that attacked the Feral Forest… why did they need to be destroyed?

“…But first,” continued Eybron as he turned to face his female captor, “I believe there is one unappreciative of my company that needs to be addressed.  Pick her up… bring her to me.”

The two guards obeyed, and lifted Star off the ground.  Eybron jumped into the air and glided down to stand right in front of the scarlet wingtail.  She looked up to face him, and there was a glint of pure hate in those eyes reminiscent of her black brother’s.  Adding in the dirt, cuts, and dried blood in some places, Eybron could clearly see the family resemblance.

“I don’t know what I am to do with you my dear,” commented the white wingtail, “your wings are like a soft morning breeze and your eyes are like pools of cool water… yet at the same time your mind is full of revulsion of me and obsession with your former lover… choices, choices.”

Star didn’t answer, but what she wanted to say was pretty clear in her facial expression.  Eybron continued.

“I think I can see it now… there was never any chance for us was there?  I was the persistent fool who has chased you to the ends of the world and brought you back each time, and yet through your lies and deceit you have taught me a valuable lesson…”

“Stuff it!” Star shouted, “I don’t want to hear anymore from you villain.”

Eybron hissed and rammed his hand to her face, grabbing it her flesh and causing scarlet wingtail to screech in pain.  He pushed his grip, forcing her to shut her mouth and struggle just to breathe.

“There is no death that you can die that could make up for what you have put me through!  I could starve you, beat you, or have my way with you as I please, but none of that can make up for the agony of how you broke me heart!”

The white wingtail softened his grip slightly, and he rubbed her face with a small measure of affection as she caught her breath.

“You see… I have no one,” continued Eybron with a touch of pity, “our mother left us, my sister was killed before she even hatched, and my father rejected me as a one would old droppings, and the cursed flyers who raised me cast me out when I grew twice their size…”

Eybron let her go.

“There is no more space left in me for remorse – or pity – because you took it from me! All that is left now for me is my vengeance, and I know just where to start.  These land walkers will be the first to suffer as incinerate their home, and then you and I will have a little session with the Eye, during which suffice to say it’s going to be a hot experience.”

Star dawned a look of fright.  He was going to burn her alive!

“Just wait until Sky gets here with all the others…you might get me but you’ll never get away with this murder and savagery!”

Eybron smiled smugly, like there was something awful and twisted in his mind he was eager to share.  She didn’t want to know what it was.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” the white wingtail stated, before leaning forward and whispering in her ear, “…after I’m done with you, the Feral Forest will go up in flames as well… any wingtail who won’t join me deserves nothing less.”

Star hissed with anger, and spat right in Eybron’s face.  The white wingtail wasn’t going to take any of that, and he backhanded her hard sending the scarlet wingtail tumbling to the ground.

“Take those vines and tie her to that rock,” Eybron ordered, “her lover should be by soon to come pick her up, and I intend to ensure he gets to view the ashes before he dies as well.”

The guards present obeyed, but Barrau didn’t look comfortable at all.  This wasn’t right… this wasn’t the wingtail way.  Desperate times call for desperate measures, but what Lord Eybron was doing here was nothing short of naked murder.  Maybe, the brown wingtail thought, he hadn’t chosen his sides wisely.

“The Great Circle has almost risen,” declared Eybron loudly, “and I intend for it to set upon burning skies.”


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LBTDiclonius

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This chapter was great, this has to be one of the greatest stories I have ever read! :)

Update soon!