The Mountain's Omen

[Nahla]

Hi,

So I am re-writing  Descendants of the Mountains cause I no longer enjoyed that version of the storyline.

This re-write is still AU but follows more movie canon which you'll see.

Nahla has been re-designed and is now named Shani as Shani means 'adventure or curious'. Nahla's sister been scrapped and you'll notice other major changes if you did read the original.

Anything I have a little prologue for you.

Land Before Time and it's canon characters © Universal Studios
Original Characters and Settings © Me


_

Summary
Fed up with being forced to blindly follow her ancestors way, a young longneck runs from the only home she has known. Upon finding the Great Valley she feels she has stumbled upon a whole new world. Quickly befriending local kids her age she puts her past life behind her. But when dreams of horror haunt one of her new friends she realises Littlefoot and her are the only hope.

Prologue

The night circle was full and shone down brightly to the land below, large shapes moved around muttering quietly to each other. Some stood to the side gazing at a large flat rock. Onto this rock another shape stepped, it's large body sent dust that had settled upon the surface to fly into the air.

The longneck gazed at the others, their eyes full of wisdom from all the years they had seen. Clearing their throat the great creature spoke "My friends, it is time for a speaking."

The other longnecks turned towards the one who had spoke and dipped their heads in respect, "Ancestors above us, watch over us night and light our paths." they spoke in unison.

A young female rose her head, and looked at the night sky tilting her head. Could her ancestors really be watching down on her? If they were, were they really as smart as everyone thought? After all they were just longnecks like her, it's not like dying made a dumb dinosaur suddenly wise.

"Shani, are you paying attention?"

The longneck turned to face the longneck that spoken, her mother gazed at her sternly. Shani dipped her head "Sorry, mother. I was just wondering about the ancestors, do they really guide us?"

The older longneck looked taken back for a moment before replying "Of course they do! Why would you ask such a thing?" by this point all the others gathered were looking at the mother and daughter.

The one upon the rock spoke "Nani is everything all right?" the elderly male said glancing down at the young child at the mother's side.

Nani dipped her head "Shani was just..wondering...about the ancestors." she replied giving her daughter a quick glare.

"Well if she paid attention..she would know. Now..in the tradition of our ancestors..." the elder male began.

Shani jumped to her feet "Why do we have to do everything in the name of our ancestors? They are just dead dinosaurs, not like it makes them smart or powerful it's the living that we should be honouring!"

Gasps echoed throughout the gathered dinosaurs, cries of "How could she?" "Children these days..no respect.." "She was always a troublemaker that Shani." came with shocked tones.

Nani bent her head in embarrassment from her daughters outburst, taking a deep breath she rose and faced the others "Forgive my daughter friends, she did not mean such disrespect she did just not think of what was coming from her mouth."

Lashing her tail Shani growled "No, I am not sorry. If these ancestors are real and so powerful, they can come and prove it. But until then I refuse to follow some dead guys like a lost hatchling just because they lived here once." turning tail she left the others behind ignoring the cries of dismay.

"SHANI!" Nani cried trying to give chase but losing her more agile daughter in the undergrowth.

"SHANI!"

-

Comments and constructive criticism is always welcomed.
I have been out of fanfic writing for nearly 2 years so be gentle with me while I ease myself back into it.

[Littlefoot fan 1990]

Hi there, so nice to read something you wrote once again. I read this story on fanfiction.net and I found it to be interesting. I love LBT AU's since it gives fans more creative control instead of sticking strictly to canon. I'll be keeping an eye out whenever this story gets updated.

[Ducky123]

Let me just tell you this before I actually start telling you what I think about this prologue:

There is no way I will consider this a remake. Nahla as a character as well as your story, as many flaws as they may have had back when you wrote them, were great, originals if you want. It was an LBT AU that was part of my early days on here and I hold these very dear.

Now that Nahla is no longer Nahla (Shani is a beautiful name though) and the story is going through some significant changes, I just cannot think of this as a remake but rather a completely new story (and, thus, all problems are solved, haha)

The first thing I noticed while reading is that your writing style has matured dramatically, Nahla. This was a short prologue but it already sparked my interest quite a lot. I can relate to the conflict that this short entry demonstrates very well - old, stubborn beliefs being challenged by the open-minded young ones

I hope you'll be a bit faster updating this than I seem to be with my stories in recent months

[Sovereign]

I've never read Descendants of the Mountains so I don't know what to expect from this story. To start with, the dialogue and descriptions are pretty good but as a whole, I'm not sure about this. I'm not a big fan of these kinds of stark good/evil confrontations and the conflict here didn't start too promisingly. For example, the adults' lines were written in a nice manner but they seemed unnatural in their coldness towards Shani, highlighting their unsavory role in the story to the reader.  However, I trust that you have something interesting in store so I'll follow this story for now.

[Nahla]

I'm gonna reply to you all at once, cause I am Nahla and I am lazy.

@Littlefoot fan 1990
Thank's mate. AU's are fun, hope you enjoy the story and getting to know the original characters.

@Ducky123
Aww thanks bro, yes I agree my writing has matured, sadly can't say the same for my mind. I changed Nahla to Shani as when I write Lion King stories, where there is Nala. It got really confusing for me. Only one letter difference in the names.

@Sovereign
The adults in the prologue  expect of the leader and Nani are pretty much just background. This won't be a good vs evil story, the adults were shocked well since their beliefs were being questioned. As for the troublemaker bit, I would say Shani is like the main characters trouble-wise. Causing mischief, a little pre-view thing is, the adults do later think it was just one of her little pranks to wind them up. Shani will stay where she is for a few chapters, theres a few characters I want to introduce to the readers first which play an important part.

I will be switching between Shani's POV and the Great Valley kids POV until I merge them. Thank you for giving it a chance, I understand what you mean with the adults, I'll take that into account for the future.