Round- well, I lost count, but- well, it’s another round of my crazy episode reviews (let’s just leave it at that). Okay, first off, we learn that Petrie isn’t the only one with grammar issues. Take a look at this quote: Cera: “What kind of adventure is it if we don’t explore anything?” Littlefoot: “But we are exploring the caves.” Me: “Cera, ëanything’ means just that- any single thing. Caves are a thing. If you are exploring caves, then you are exploring what makes up anything. Sheesh.” Cera: “Get off my case will ya? I’ve been around Petrie too long.” “Petrie: “Me heard that!” Me: “Easy, guys. This is just the first paragraph of my review. Let’s not start fighting already.” Cera: “Hmph!” Me: /Sigh.
Next, we cut to the gang entering the Mysterious Beyond. Ruby started to recognize the place, but just can’t put her finger on where exactly they are. Well, that’s perfectly understandab- Wait a minute! Ruby lived in the Mysterious Beyond for nearly her entire life! Yet when she wanders into it, she can’t even remember what it is? Good gosh, Ruby! The Mysterious Beyond isn’t Neverland from the movie Hook! It doesn’t magically alter your memories if you’re gone a while. I moved from California to Indiana when I was three, and when my father took me to see my old house a couple years back, I recognized it immediately. “Um, Michael, are California and Indiana in the Mysterious Beyond?” “Well, technically yeah, and- hold on, you’re missing my point. How can you live someplace for years than suddenly need a giant Sharptooth running nearby to remind you what it is?” “Uh, long term memory loss?” “Uh, no. In the episode The Star Day Celebration, you showed us a bunch of childhood memories, so you don’t have memory issues.” “I see what you mean, but I don’t see the answer.” “Ugh, will you stop talking repetitively for once? How Chomper could stand you, I’ll never know.” “Hey, don’t talk about Ruby like that! /Chomp” “Ow, you little brat! Chomper just bit me!” “Now you know how it feels,” Cera added. “Cera, what are you doing here? I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with Ruby. And what do you mean?” “Chomper bit me during our second movie.” “Oh yeah.” “I did what!?” “Okay, guys, just stop. We are waaay off topic here. Before this gets any more confusing, let’s just say Ruby was tired so had a temporary lapse of memory. Moving on…” “When did I bite Cera!?” “/Sigh”
Okay, now everyone is being chased by Redclaw. Suddenly, Chomper spots a group of trees and suggests that everyone hides in them. Om my freaking gosh, Chomper! How could anything hide in a group of trees like that? Okay, dear readers, see for yourself:
How could anyone hide from anyone in a clump of trees that thinly dispersed? Redclaw would have to be nearly blind to have been chasing someone only to lose him in a bunch of trees that scattered about. “Great idea, hatchling!” Cera exclaimed. You can say that again.
Oh my! Thud has the ability to teleport! Well, at least once a day. Take a look at this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6Yno-S7mMU If you examine it closely, Thud should not have ended up with Chomper and Ducky. Look at the rock Thud is standing on then falls behind. Spike is standing in front of the rock. Yet, Spike is magically on one side, and now Thud is on the other that is on the opposite side of Spike after the earthshake. Maybe Thud captured the legendary PokÈmon Dialga and used its powers to manipulate space. I didn’t see any pokeballs around Thud’s waste, so I guess the artists just forget to draw them. Moving on!
“There is always another way! Unless, that is the only way.” So says Ruby. Okay, I can understand your repetitive ways of talking, but that’s not repetitive, that’s full on oxymoronic! That statement defies logic itself! Were you smoking something before you started filming this episode?
Okay, you know what? Never mind. It looks like I already have my answer.
Okay, so, Thud is calling Chomper little over and over and that makes Chomper mad. In the end, he shouts at the top of his lungs that he is not little. Well, kiddo, maybe Thud would be able to reply if you didn’t end up speaking leaf-eater right as you were saying that! I mean, it’s like walking up to a Mexican and saying, “øCÛmo se dice en Spanish?” (Meaning, “How do you say in Spanish-” in Spanish, only I ended the phrase using the English word for Spanish while I said the first part in Spanish.) If you start saying something, it would be nice to say the entire sentence in one language. “Sorry, Michael.” “Aw, it’s okay. You’re cute, so I’ll let it slide this time.” “Oh, uh, thanks, I guess.”
I am so lost here. Chomper frees Thud from his bonds, then Spike knocks the log away to keep Thud up there. Why free someone only to trap him right afterwards? They didn’t know that Thud could make that jump. That’s like fixing a leaky faucet then leaving it on! That’s like taking a bath then jumping in a mud puddle! That’s like treating someone like dirt that being nice later! (Wait, doesnët Cera do that all the time…?) Anyway, you get the idea. Why do something only to undo it right afterwards? I guess youngsters these days just don’t know how to efficiently handle their time.
“Little hatchlings first,” Cera says. “That’s me,” Chomper replied. That’s nice, such good manners and- hold the phone! Wasn’t Chomper just throwing a fit about not being small, like, five minutes ago!? I mean, sure, Chomper felt big about helping Thud out, but that doesn’t explain how he suddenly got over his hatred of being called small. Ah! I know. Chomper must be bipolar! “I- am- not- BIPOLAR!” Chomper suddenly shouts. I cower and come back in about five minutes. “Are you sure you’re not bipolar?” “Oh, I appreciate your concern, Michael, but I really do not think I am bipolar. Thank you for asking though. It was nice of you.” “Right, you’re not bipolar…” “WHAT DID YOU SAY!?” “Err, nothing!”
Well, that’s all for tonight, folks. My crazy sightings will resume again some other time. I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. I’m The Friendly Sharptooth. I tear apart The Land Before Time so you don’t have to! /Gets out of chair
