The Gang of Five
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Journey Into Blacksun

Caustizer

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Hey all.

I've been gone a long time, but I believed that I needed the break to plan my next story and it has paid off.  This is Journey Into Blacksun, which features the children of the gang of five having their own adventure.  I can promise  that this story will be shorter then Far Away Home, given that I no longer have the drive I used to to produce long and epic stories.  I look forward to your reviews and comments, as well as your support in this new story.

Caustizer.



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Land Before Time: Journey Into Blacksun

Sequel to Rise of Storm Tide and Far Away Home

By: Caustizer


Prologue:

The children are going to be taught in a very unique setting today, or at least that’s what Sky told them at the end of the last class.  Unlike their typical place of learning by the glowing cracks, this location is far out of the way and well beyond the travelled paths that the gang tended to take during playtime each day.  It is so out of the way in fact that each of them had to get permission from their parents to go, and in some cases it wasn’t easy.  Cera wasn’t too keen on letting Wayne go so close to the edge of the valley, and neither was Petrie with his daughter Nincea so it took some convincing from Mr. Sky to make them see it was safe to let their kids go.

Unlike their parents in the past, the old gang kept their children on relatively short leashes, possibly because of all the danger that still remains for them in the valley at such a young age but probably because Petrie, Spike, Ducky, Cera, and Littlefoot all know what happened when they went on such dangerous adventures on a whim, and fear their offspring might be compelled to do the same if not carefully supervised.  A few of the ënew’ gang are privileged enough to go where they choose, and one of them is Cloud the Wingtail.

Cloud is a newcomer to the valley compared to the other children, having travelled all the way from the Feral Forest with his uncle Glide to spend some time with his father Sky.  Since Sky was banished from the Feral Forest a few years ago, and his mother Star is continuously busy teaching young wingtails back home, this arrangement works out the best for him to see both his parents.

It was only a season ago that Cloud had met his father, and the encounter had at first gone very awkwardly, but that’s another story.  What matters now is that the two of them are best friends, and when he is not teaching his dad spends lots of time with him explaining all about the world around them and doing father-son things.  What surprised Cloud the most during the first day that they had spent together was just how different his father is from the common perception of him in the Feral Forest.  He had been teased by other winglings pretty much from the day he hatched about all the bad things his dad had done, and if it wasn’t for his mother’s insistence he never would have came here to the Great Valley at all.  Looking back, he regretted thinking so negatively about a wingtail he had never met before.

“So I wonder why Mr. Sky is making us go so far just to listen to more of his stupid stories,” complains Landar the Fourwing, Guido and Syndra’s son, as he glides from one tree to another to keep up with the gang.

“I don’t think they’re stupid,” comments Kala the Spiketail, Spike and Thylo’s daughter.

“Me too,” adds Aura the Swimmer from Kala’s back, Ducky’s daughter.

Wayne the threehorn tilts his head to join the conversation.

“Well I wouldn’t go that far, but Mr. Sky’s stories are no where near as good as my Grandpa’s.”

The comment wasn’t met with much enthusiasm from the others.

“No offence,” offers Xavier the longneck, Littlefoot and Ali’s son, “but all Grandpa Threehorn talks about are the times he fought with sharpteeth.”

“Or told off somebody else,” adds Cloud from a nearby tree.

 Just as the wingtail speaks up, Landar lands next to him with a mischievous look on his face.

“Hey wingtail,” the Fourwing blurts, “I know what story Mr. Sky is going to tell us tonight… ëThe Legend of the Big Nose’ starring you.”

Wayne laughs, and Kala chuckles slightly before stopping herself.  Cloud looks offended, and looks down on Landar severely.

“I wouldn’t make fun of somebody higher then you on the food chain,” threatens Cloud, before faking like he is about to attack the Fourwing with his beak.

“Hey watch it,” cries Landar as he jumps off the branch and into the air as fast as he can, “I was just kidding… sheesh.”

Cloud had been bullied enough in the Feral Forest, so he isn’t about to take it anymore.  Uncle Glide had taught him how to defend himself, and despite all the trouble it got him in with his teachers it eventually made the other winglings stop.  Unfortunately though, it didn’t make him many friends.

“Hey guys,” calls out Nincea from behind them in the air.  She is flapping her wings vigorously to catch up with her friends.

“Sorry I’m late,” the flyer apologizes, “but daddy almost didn’t let me go… mommy had to talk some sense into him.”

Xavier nods with welcome.

“Glad you could make it Nincea,” states the blue longneck, “I know all our folks were worried a bit too.”

“Speak for yourself,” corrects Landar dismissively, “mine couldn’t care less where I go.”

“I wish it was that way for me,” adds Wayne, “my mom is always dragging me along with her wherever she goes… it’s nice to just get away once in a while.”



This type of conversation is a normal part of the daily routine of the young dinosaurs, and it continues for the next hour as the seven of them make their way up to Threehorn Peak. Surprisingly when they round the bend to reach the summit Mr. Sky is already there, staring out into the endless expanses of the Mysterious Beyond.  As Xavier, Wayne, Nincea, Kala, Aura and Landar try to make themselves comfortable in a semicircle Cloud lands next to his father.

“Hey dad, what are you looking for?” asks the young wingtail with curiously.

Sky turns to face his son with a homely smile, and wraps his arm around Cloud’s back, rustling the line of hair stretching down it.  Cloud returns the gesture.

“Nice to see you made it up safe and sound,” praises Mr. Sky, before turning to face the gathered children, “…all of you.”

At his father’s insistence, Cloud rejoins the semicircle of his friends.

“Today I have a different story then the ones you are used to, children,” begins Mr. Sky, “for it comes from my own childhood and I feel it is time I passed it on to all of you.”

The blue wingtail corrects his wings before continuing.

“There is a tale that has been passed on through wingtail kind for generations, one that describes our beginning and indeed the beginning of all dinosaur kind.  It starts in a place far beyond the horizon, a place that even I would hesitate to go…”

Mr. Sky raises his hands and measures the position of the bright circle against his current position.  In a moment, he determines the direction said place and points there with his finger.

“Beyond the Mysterious Beyond, beyond the crests of the Great Divide, and indeed beyond the Tyrant Spire itself lies the lush place where the earliest of species began… a place called Blacksun Crater.”

The reaction amongst the gathered youngsters is one of wonder and curiosity.  Nobody knows the Mysterious Beyond quite like Mr. Sky does, and with the possible exception of Landar they all enjoy his stories immensely.  Listening to his father weave another tale of distant lands and danger, Cloud hopes that someday he too will have his own great adventures.  

Little did he know that day would be coming a lot sooner then he ever expected.


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The Anonymous Person

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Pangaea

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Welcome back, Caustizer. :) Glad to see you’ll still be doing this story.

Similar to your situation regarding the length of your stories, I no longer have the “get-up-and-go” for writing prompt and elaborate reviews (or posts in general) that I used to have, as I am sorry to say. :oops I still intend to review every chapter of this story you post, however; I promise you that.

Unless you would like me to, I was thinking that I might not focus as much on pointing out and correcting errors in the text (such as typos) for this story, largely because it is one of the more time-and-labor-intensive (and, frankly, the most monotonous :p) forms of feedback I give, and I seem to rememberóthough please correct me if I’m wrongóthat you told me at one point that you weren’t that much of a perfectionist as far as those types of errors were concerned.

There’s only so much I can come up with to say about the prologue. I like the way you’re already setting up a dynamic between the members of the new gang, and giving readers an idea of what their families are like. I especially enjoyed the insight into Cloud’s personal history, detailing his differing perspectives of his father before and after he met him.

If you don’t mind me asking, what made you decide to write the narrative in present tense? I’ll admit that I’m personally not so keen on it, and preferred the past-tense narrative of Far Away Home, but I don’t want to discourage you from writing this story that way just because of that (After all, the script format of Rise of Storm Tide didn’t stop me from enjoying it ;)). Seeing as I’m not as accustomed to spotting errors in a present-tense narrative (reading over the prologue, I find myself perceiving grammatical “errors” that may not be grammatically incorrect at all); this may be another reason why I shouldn’t bother too much with “error sniping” this time around.

I will say that there certain sentences in the prologue that sound somewhat strange, or that I think could be better written, such as Sky “correcting” his wings (wouldn’t “adjusting” work better?) and Cloud “faking like he is about to attack” Landar, but if these fall into the category of details that don’t concern you enough to want to go back and edit them, I’ll just keep my mouth shut. :angel

Good luck on writing this story, Caustizer (though you know I plan on being with you the whole way ;)).



Pronounced "pan-JEE-uh". Spelled with three A's. Represented by a Lystrosaurus.


Caustizer

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Quote from: Pangaea,Dec 31 2012 on  09:09 PM
If you don’t mind me asking, what made you decide to write the narrative in present tense? I’ll admit that I’m personally not so keen on it, and preferred the past-tense narrative of Far Away Home, but I don’t want to discourage you from writing this story that way just because of that (After all, the script format of Rise of Storm Tide didn’t stop me from enjoying it ;)). Seeing as I’m not as accustomed to spotting errors in a present-tense narrative (reading over the prologue, I find myself perceiving grammatical “errors” that may not be grammatically incorrect at all); this may be another reason why I shouldn’t bother too much with “error sniping” this time around.

I will say that there certain sentences in the prologue that sound somewhat strange, or that I think could be better written, such as Sky “correcting” his wings (wouldn’t “adjusting” work better?) and Cloud “faking like he is about to attack” Landar, but if these fall into the category of details that don’t concern you enough to want to go back and edit them, I’ll just keep my mouth shut. :angel

Good luck on writing this story, Caustizer (though you know I plan on being with you the whole way ;)).
Journey into Blacksun is going to be in the present tense because my writing style is evolving.  I know that in Far Away Home I made some tense errors that made certain lines sound bad.  An example would be switching from "Sky said" to "Sky says" and back again in the same chapter.  This time I've decided its all going to be present.

I appreciate that you have decided to return to review this story.  My writing passion is not the same as it once was, at least in regards to LBT, so I have decided to take on a less demanding project this time around.

Looking forward to seeing your future reviews.

Caustizer.