The Gang of Five
The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: Caustizer on April 21, 2009, 12:04:02 AM
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I'm working on a new fan fiction for LBT, and this one is going to be more believable then the last one I did (you know the one where Ruby kills people :confused). Its format is going to be like a typical land before time movie - I mean an old land before time movie not the light and fluffy stuff that they are coming with now. The basic plotline is this:
It picks up around the end of the end of the first tv series season, where the gang is made of seven and not just five.
After an introduction that properly brings in Redclaw and his gang to the movie timeline and depicts Ruby hatching from an egg, another gang of wandering dinosaurs makes its way into the Great Valley, and brings news of a pair of sharptooth stalking them on their way. Chomper hears this and thinks they are his parents coming back (a short flashback of him leaving the island comes in). Chomper then says hes going to look for them and Ducky, Spike, Littlefoot, Petrie, Ruby and Cera - all bored from nothing exciting happening - decide to go with him.
All the while off the coast air masses are converging to create one of the most powerful storms in the prehistoric world - fortuneately its nowhere near the Great Valley ... yet.
It fills some plot holes, like why Chomper's parents left him with a family of fast runners, why Ruby's parents sent her away, and as well as the return of some of the characters from the old movies such as Ozzy, who has changed his attitude a bit now that he has a family!
As soon as exams finish I'll have nothing to do for the summer so ill post it as I finish - that is if you all have room in your heads for another fan fic!
Caustizer -
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Sounds interesting
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<Reserved for Plot Summary>
Act 1:
- tramatic events at Ruby's hatching are revealed
- Chomper learns that his parents might be back and the gang decides to search for them
- the gang has an encounter with Redclaw
- the gang escapes, but then suffers a horrible tragedy
- Thudd serves a new master - himself.
Act 2:
- introduction to Rozzy, Ozzy's oldest son and an allusion to a grand egg robbery of epic proportions
- the gang returns to a warm, but dissapointed reception
- Chomper remembers meeting Ruby in the mysterious beyond
- Read the rest yourself! I gets good from here.
The idea for this is to give readers a quick glimpse as to what the story is all about so far without having to read the whole thing. I'll update this as I add sections of the story.
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Act I: The Search
Part I:
Setting: Somewhere in the Mysterious Beyond. The land is arid and barren save for a few leafless trees and scattered bushes barely holding their own against the great circle’s onslaught.
<Lying alone on a rocky mound a single egg sits. Colourful and curved it suddenly stirs, spurring the rise of its parents, who had been resting nearby. They were fast runners and they were very tired, as they had been on the move all day without food or water.>
Mother: <reaches for the egg>
Father: <stops her> Don’t! If it is to be then it will be.
Mother: <concerned> It’s so late…I’m worried.
<The egg shifts and rolls, then a crack appears, then another. The Mother and Father watch in awe as a small head pokes out, followed by a tail out the bottom, and then the whole shell breaks>
Mother: <picks up her newborn> Aw look at you… you look just like your father. <turns to him and smiles>
Father: <smiles back>
Mother: I think we’ll call you … Ruby! <rubbs Ruby under the chin with her unclawed finger, the newborn laughs and snaps back playfully> You must be hungry.
Father: I have just the thing <turns to a nearby bush and plucks a bunch of berries with the end of his mouth, and holds them over Ruby> Sweet bubbles!
Ruby: <laughs at the sight of her own reflection, before greedily gobbling the three bright red berries>
Mother: <holds Ruby closer as she falls asleep> Sleep well young one.
Father: <smiles and then looks to the dusk horizon where the sun is setting>
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<A shrill roar rings out in the distance, piercing the cooling night air>
Father: <wakes up> Sharpteeth! No!
Mother: <still tired> What? Sharpteeth? Where?
Father: Come! We must run!
Ruby: <wakes up and cries out>
Mother: Shhh…its okay dear <holds Ruby closer, she calms down>
<Nearby two large Sharpteeth emerge from behind the rock face and with a roar they spot the two fast runners>
Father: Quick…I’ll take her! <takes Ruby from her mother> Run to safety!
Mother: <with a sad and concerned look on her face, runs off into the underbrush>
< A desperate chase ensues with Ruby’s Father running with her in his arms. Despite their size advantage the Sharpteeth fall behind as the run begins to take its toll – they weren’t built for chasing prey this far. Unfortunately Ruby and her father’s luck runs out when they reach a dead end, trapped on all sides by tall rocks>
Father: <eyes wide with alarm> No, this can’t be! <turns to face the Sharpteeth>
<Both Sharpteeth roar and lick their lips, for their prey is trapped. Ruby cries out in fright>
Father: <dons a look of defiance> You won’t make a meal out of me, or my daughter!
<In an impressive aerobic feat, Ruby’s father dodges both of the snapping mouths and hops up the side of the cliff by jumping between vertical rocks, using his speed to propel of each one until he hit the top>
Father: <smiles> Hah!
< In anger, both the Sharpteeth rip down the rocks and manage to climb up to the top. Ruby’s father in desperation runs along a large ledge, just wide enough to hold the Sharpteeth in pursuit>
Father: <gasps> Earthshake!
<The ledge shakes and rocks as the earthquake hits, and large rocks begin to fall. Ruby’s dad, who is used to running and is unphased, dodges the falling rocks as the ledge crumbles. One of the Sharpteeth isn’t so agile and is struck by a rock and goes tumbling off the edge into the ravine bellow, its companion looks back with a brief look of sorrow, then turns forward to his prey ahead>
Father: <holds Ruby tighter, as she is crying almost uncontrollably> It’s okay, It’s alright.
<A large boulder falls down and splits the ledge, separating the Sharptooth and the fast runner on opposite sides. The earth stops shaking>
Father: <in Sharptooth language> It’s over Monster, you’ve wasted your time!
<The Sharptooth stares at the prey in front of him, who unfortunately appeared to be unreachable. He was only slightly luckier then his late mate, but a rock shard had hit the side of his head and pierced his eye, turning it a deep red>
Sharptooth: <growls hatefully, turns and walks away from the direction he had came>
<Ruby’s Father turns to her in his arms, and holds her out. She is soaked with tears, and her big round eyes looked sadly at her father in confusion, hoping for the comfort and warmth of her mother’s embrace>
Father: <looks down at her sadly> It’s okay my daughter, its alright. <hugs her>
< Ruby closes her eyes, enjoying the safety of her father and pressing tight against him. For a second she opens them again, only to see something invoking shock and fear. The Sharptooth hadn’t given up, and it jumped the ledge gap, lunging forward with teeth bared, aiming straight for her father >
Ruby: Daddy! NOOOOO! ….. <fades out>
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Setting: A cave within the Great Valley. Outside the rain and the wind are making a ruckus, and penetrating this wall is the sporadic claps of thunder which seem to interrupt existence.
Ruby: <wakes up with a start> DADDY! <breaths heavily for a while before calming down>
Chomper: <gets up and rubs his eyes> Wow you were shouting pretty loud, I wasn’t getting any sleep!
<for a few moments nothing but the pattering sounds of the rain outside fills the cavern, as both Ruby and Chomper gather themselves>
Ruby: <looks down in shame> Sorry… it was just a scary sleep story.
Chomper: <sits up, a tired expression still on his face> You were talking in your sleep too, something about your daddy?
Ruby: It’s nothing…really. <another clap of thunder sounds outside, she turns away from Chomper and starts licking her arm>
Chomper: <looking at his toes> You ever think about your folks at all?
Ruby: <stops licking> Sometimes… but I find its better to not think about them because thinking about them just makes me miss them. <smiles> And besides things couldn’t be more great here in the great valley <laughs at her unintended pun>
Chomper: I know <weak smile back> I guess I just want to know they are okay… <looks at the rain dripping down the entrance of the cave> Ever since we came to the Great Valley it reminds me of when I first met my folks and they took me to the island.
Ruby: <light hearted laugh> But don’t you meet your folks when you hatch? <extends her arms to emphasize the statement>
Chomper: <still looking away> It’s a long story…
<Outside a great gust of wind blows into the cave, moving some rocks and causing the feathers on Ruby’s back and neck to ruffle>
Chomper: <shivers> Man its c-c-cold!
Ruby: Here…you can come sleep beside me if you want. <sweeps her tail aside to make room>
Chomper: <hops up on both his feet> Thanks! … <snuggles up> Goodnight Ruby.
Ruby: Goodnight Chomper!
<both close their eyes and go to sleep while the rain continues to pour outside>
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Part II:
Setting: Ruby and Chomper’s cave within the Great Valley. Outside the rain and the wind have stopped, giving way to a cool and cloudy day. A slight wetness lingers on the outside grasslands and trees, spawning dew-like drops on the surfaces of tree stars.
<both Ruby and Chomper exit the cave, looking tired>
Ruby: Ah,<yawns> What a nice day to be outside. <stretches>
Chomper: <also yawns> Hey, I have an idea!
Ruby: <turns to Chomper> What is it?
Chomper: Tag! Your it! <touches Ruby and runs off>
Ruby: Hey! You won’t get away from me! <runs after him>
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< The opening credits run as Ruby and Chomper run off into the forest. What follows are panoramic shots of the Great Valley including vast seas of trees, the sheltering grass, rocky ledges, and the thundering falls>
Land Before Time: The Rise of Storm Tide
Written by: Brett Thompson
Otherwise known as: Caustizer
…
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Setting: A shaded rocky ledge near the edges of the Great Valley
<Tired from running, Chomper stops to catch his breath>
Chomper: <gasping> phew … I think I lost her <smirks>
Ruby: <dives in> Gotcha!
Chomper: Awe man, your too fast for me. <looks at her exhaustingly> And your not even worn out!
Ruby: <laughs> Oh its how I am, seeing as I am a fast runner and I spend a lot of time running fast. Come on lets go find the others.
<the two dinosaurs walk along towards the riverbank ahead>
Chomper: <looking up at Ruby> No wonder we Sharpteeth consider you friends rather then food…your too hard to catch!
Ruby: <looking discomforted> Umm… thanks Chomper.
<The little fast runner and Sharptooth soon beheld the river narrows, a place where the water moved fast but was fairly shallow, making floating on the surface from one end to the other an entertaining pastime for the children>
Chomper: <looks across the river> Hey look its Ducky!
<hopping across a few rocks, Ruby and Chomper walk up to the small swimmer Ducky who appears to be searching for something>
Chomper: Hey Ducky, what are you looking for?
Ducky: We are playing hide and go seek, but I can’t find the others, I can’t I can’t <looking sad>
Chomper: No problem, I can use my nose! <sniffs the air heartedly, and then walks off towards a group of bushes>
Ruby: I’ll help too … they can’t have gone that far, <looks around, and then proceeds to start looking>
<Ducky hops onto a stone in the river>
Ducky: Oh this is hopeless … I’m no good at this game, I’m not. <Stone shifts a bit> What? Hey! <looks closer at the stone> Spike! It’s you I found you!
Spike: Heeee! <grins>
<Ruby nuzzles through a group of bushes, then notices a big clump of tree sweets>
Ruby: Mmmm! <snaps at them with her mouth>
Petrie: Wooooa! <cowers> Don’t eat me, me too young!
Ruby: <surprised> Petrie?
Petrie: Oh its you Ruby! <brings a claw to his beak> Shhh! They never find me in here.
<Chomper sniffs the air while he walks, going in circles a few times before falling on his rear>
Chomper: Oww! <notices a tail wagging from behind a nearby rock> Hey, I see you over there!
<Chomper walks up to the tail and stares at it intensely, suppressing the urge to snap at it>
Cera: <hops out> Don’t even think about it!
Chomper: <grins> Cera! I found you!
Cera: Ya ya don’t rub it in…
< A minute or so later the gang gets together in a clearing beside the river>
Ducky: <does a quick count with her finger> That’s everybody but… where is Littlefoot?
Ruby: <turns to Petrie on Cera’s back> Hey Petrie I thought you were supposed to be hiding?
Petrie: <looks foolish under the looks of everyone else> Umm …. Oopsie…
<everyone but Cera laughs>
Cera: <snorts> Well what are we standing around here for? Let’s look for Littlefoot!
Ducky: I agree!
Spike: <nods>
Chomper: I can’t smell him…<looks around> He must be pretty far away.
< a while later the gang comes across Littlefoot standing on the edge of a ridge, looking down on somewhere else in the Valley>
Chomper: <excited> There he is!
<the gang walks up beside him and Littlefoot turns his head around to speak with them>
Littlefoot: Hey guys … <turns back to the edge> look down there, its another wandering herd!
Cera: <annoyed> Couldn’t you at least TRY and play the game with us for once…
<the gang looks over the edge too and there is indeed a large herd of dinosaurs of all types. Longnecks, three horns, club tails, and even some smaller ones>
Petrie: Wow this one a big one! <takes off to soar over them>
Ducky: They don’t look like they came from far either <points> there are big mouths in there too!
Littlefoot: <perturbed> I wonder why there are so many all of a sudden.
Ruby: Something must have happened in the mysterious beyond <concerned> maybe we should ask them?
Littlefoot: Good idea Ruby! <makes off in the direction of the way down> Come on Ducky, Spike, Cera, Petrie.
Chomper: <peeps up> What about me?
Littlefoot: <stops walking and turns around> Maybe its better you stay here… <sees Chomper’s expression> But don’t worry we’ll be back.
<All the others depart down the ridge except Ruby and Chomper>
Ruby: Sorry Chomper but if something is going wrong in my home I need to know what’s wrong. Stay here so you don’t get hurt! <runs off>
Chomper: <pouts and kicks a rock, then whispers> It’s my home too…
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Setting: Bottom of the ravine in the Great Valley, the sounds of thundering footsteps fill the air as a larger then usual herd of wandering dinosaurs pass close by.
<Alone, his curiosity gets the better of him and Chomper slides down to the bottom of the ravine to get a closer look>
Chomper: <to himself> I’m a friendly Sharptooth, if I just let them know that then we will get along just like I do with the rest of the leaf eaters <gets up after sliding> Wow they look a lot bigger down here…maybe this isn’t such a good idea.
<suddenly two large spiketails break off from the herd and stop walking. They are talking rather loudly. Not wanting to attract their attention so soon, Chomper jumps into a nearby bush>
Spiketail #1: <concerned> this isn’t right, so many came with us how are we going to find enough food to feed ourselves?
Spiketail #2: <speaks quieter> Quiet! We don’t want the others to hear you complaining so much!
Spiketail #1: <angrily> they are just afraid that’s all…ever since those two Sharpteeth came back…
Chomper: <gasps>
Spiketail #2: Exactly! <looks around> Nobody is safe anymore, the fast biters and smaller ones we could drive away but the big ones… <sad look> we’ve lost two of our herd already..
Spiketail #1: So what if I’m uptight about this… I have a good reason!
Spiketail #2: Quick! The herd is moving on and we don’t want to get left behind.
<Two Spiketails depart to catch up with the herd>
Chomper: <thinking> They’re talking about my parents! <smiles excitedly> They’re back! I have got to tell the others!
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Setting: The grassland of the Great Valley. Bright stars light up the night sky as the clouds of earlier in the day have departed. The sounds of crickets and other insects can be heard all around providing a nice sense of calm.
< The day had passed without Chomper mentioning what he had heard. The gang had played a game of toss the seed after having no luck talking to the herd that came in at the morning light, and then retired to eat. Chomper found a hive of stinging buzzers but it was too high for any of them to reach. After some convincing Petrie knocked it down, since he was more scared of the idea of a hungry Sharptooth then a few bee stings. Petrie escaped getting stung by diving into the river and Ducky fished him out. Later that night Chomper waited until Ruby was asleep before sneaking out of the cave>
Chomper: <blazing his way through the grass> I’ve got to find Littlefoot… he will know what to do.
<Following the scent of longneck, Chomper tracks down Littlefoot to where he is sleeping next to his grandma>
Chomper: <jumping out of the grass and sneaking up to Littlefoot> Pssst! Littlefoot wake up!
Littlefoot: <wakes up> Huh? <opens his eyes and looks at Chomper> Chomper? What are you doing here?
Chomper: I heard something today from the passing herd… <looks at his feet> I was hoping you would know what to do.
Littlefoot: <questioningly> What did you hear?
Chomper: <pauses for a moment> My parents are back…they are in the mysterious beyond and they are the reason all the leafeaters are in the valley. <Puts his finger to his lip> I think…
Littlefoot: Your parents!?! <perks up, then looks concerned> Chomper…you don’t want to go looking for them do you?
Chomper: Uhuh! <pleadingly> I really miss them!
Littlefoot: <disturbed> I don’t know… <smiles reassuringly> You know I’d go with you anywhere because if it was my father I know you would do the same!
Chomper: <smiles brightly>
Littlefoot: <confesses> but we have to bring the others, and you know what Cera is going to say…
…
Cera: <furious> ABSOULTELY NOT!!!
<Cera was stamping about, the only angry one of the bunch>
Littlefoot: <calmly> We’ve been to the mysterious beyond before, its not that dangerous.
Cera: <still angry> But we AVOIDED the Sharpteeth! <snorts, still stomping about> Tell me again why I should leave the safety of our home to find a bunch of Sharpteeth who will probably eat me on SIGHT!
Ducky: But Cera they are nice Sharpteeth too … remember when we saved Chomper on the island?
Cera: Oooooo! <sits down hard and calms herself> But still … I know we have done a lot of things in the past but this just seems too over the top. <glances at Littlefoot> And besides, how do we even know where to look?
Chomper: <attempting to lighten the mood> We could use my sniffer! <points at his nose>
Littlefoot: <matter of factly> And I know if it was your father out there we would have left already <caring smile>
Cera: <relents> Fine … <looks at the night circle breaking the sky> I guess we should get going then…
Ducky: <laughs from Spike’s back> Yep yep yep!
<gang moves to depart, but Ruby doesn’t move>
Ruby: Wait guys! <they stop and look back> Shouldn’t we tell our parents where we are going?
<a moment of silence … suddenly everyone except Ruby and Chomper starts laughing>
Ruby: <dumbfounded> What?
<the gang departs without answering, and Ruby sighs in admission and follows>
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So far it is nice story. And interesting. ;)
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This is tougher then I thought :lol ... and there are still 2 and a half more acts left too go. The entire storyline is planned out, so its all leading up to an end!
Thanks for the compliment though i've been feeling unbelievably sick for the past two weeks and even one response lightens my day :smile
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This is good so far :yes.
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Part III:
Setting: At night in the mysterious beyond. Being on the outskirts of the Great Valley the land is still very much green, with the occasional tree full of tree stars and bushes of berries growing about. Dawn is beginning to break over the horizon, lighting up the sky with the brilliance of a partial sun mixed with partial night.
< the gang is on the move, but everyone is tired. Ducky has collapsed on Spikes back and is sleeping while Spike is barely keeping his eyes open. Petrie is gone, having flown ahead at Littlefoot’s insistance. Cera is tired but trying not to show it and Ruby and Chomper are both walking slowly, exhausted>
Littlefoot: <glances at the horizon> Hmm its getting pretty late… we should find someplace to rest.
Cera: <blinks a few times to phase out the sleepiness but fails> Ohh…so tired…
<the gang walks on in the night, and soon Petrie comes down and lands on Littlefoot’s back.>
Littlefoot: <turns to see him> Petrie, any luck looking for a place to stay?
Petrie: <eyes half shut> Oh me so exhausted… <yawns> It look like there is a cave ahead, but it so dark and me to scared to go any farther <shivers in fear>
Littlefoot: <groans in thought> Well I guess it will have to do… <stops and turns back to the others> This way! It’s only a bit farther!
< Upon entering the cave the group spends a little bit of time checking that the cave isn’t currently occupied before settling in. A quick sniff from Chomper confirms it’s deserted. Spike with Ducky asleep on his back finds a rock and settlings next to it before nodding off. Cera, unsatisfied with her spot, makes her own by ramming a few rocks out of the way before also laying down. Ruby, who is used to sleeping in caves, curls up on the spot with her head in her arm. Littlefoot, the last to settle, looks for a moment at Petrie who has fallen asleep on his back in amusement before going into slumber himself.>
Chomper: <still outside the cave, looking at the stars> Mommy, daddy, I know your out there somewhere… <looks at the dark outlines of cliffs in the distance and smiles> And we’re going to find you tomorrow!
<Chomper walks inside where the others are asleep. Just as he enters the cave a cold wind rushes across the plain and blows into the cave, displacing a few pebbles.>
Chomper: <shivers> Man, its so cold tonight. <looks at the others, all snoozing, and looks for someone to sleep next>
< Seeing as everyone is taken, and he doesn’t trust Cera, Chomper silently walks up to Ruby and lightly buffets her with his nose>
Ruby: <wakes up> Huh…what?
Chomper: <embarrassed> Umm… I feel kind of strange for asking this but, do you mind if I…
Ruby: <knows what hes going to say> Oh… <smiles> be my guest!
Chomper: <lays down next to her> Thanks Ruby… <yawns and then they both fall asleep>
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Setting: The deep Mysterious Beyond. The land is arid and sandy. High mesas and cliffs cover the landscape and on this a light wind is eroding them down once more. Where Littlefoot has taken the gang the ground is soft and sandy as on one side lies a cliff face and on the other lies open desert.
< On the gang walks, with Chomper and Littlefoot in front leading the way. Cera walks close behind, determined to not be seen as the weakest. Ruby and Spike/Ducky bring up the rear while Petrie flies around above>
Littlefoot: <smiling broadly as he walks behind Chomper – clearly this is his zone> Chomper, have you sniffed anything yet?
Chomper: Nothing yet … but I keep getting sand in my nose. <rubs his nose with his clawed hand>
…
Ducky: <looks at the ground> Hey! Footprints, and lots of them!
Cera: <sarcastically> Hmm well these certainly look like they belong to a pair of vicious, hungry Sharpteeth…
Ruby: <stops> But they do! Look! <points at one of them>
<the gang turns at Ducky’s find, and Littlefoot with Chomper backtrack to look at it too. We see all of the gang of seven looking down from above in wonder>
Ducky: <observantly> This one is pretty big, it is, it is!
Littlefoot: <turns to Chomper> Hey Chomper this could belong to your mommy or daddy.
Chomper: Ya! <looks unsure> But only… my mommy or daddy don’t have four toes <counts his toes> They have five!
Littlefoot: <confused> Well if they aren’t your parents, they who do they belong to?
Ruby: I’ve seen these before! <points to the lines in the dirt> See there’s a crease on the left side, and a chip in the claw…
Petrie: What that mean? <claws over his eyes in fright>
Ruby: Why… they belong to Redclaw!
<As if on queue a hoarse, throaty roar blares out through the rocks and the nearby landscape. Then the ground shakes with stomping footsteps, and Redclaw trudges out from behind a rock face with teeth bared with Screech and Thudd - his two henchmen like fast biters – stalking in front of him>
Everyone: REDCLAW!!! <they scream in fright>
Ducky: <gulps> And Screech and Thudd too!!!
Littlefoot: <yells> Quick, RUN!!!
<The gang runs as fast as they can in panic. Redclaw runs past the two lesser Sharpteeth and is soon right on their tails. He snaps first, barely missing Spike and Ducky and dredging up some unfortunate earth.>
Redclaw: <shaking his mouth clear> Rarrrr!
< Redclaw starts running, catches up, and snaps a second time barely missing Cera’s tale>
Cera: <screams> Ahhh! <turns to Littlefoot in mid-stride> Littlefoot, DO SOMETHING!!!
Littlefoot: <thinks for a moment and is about to respond before being interrupted>
Ruby: <stops on top of a large rock and then yells> OVER HERE!!! Come and get me you big bully!!!
Redclaw: <turns at the sound of a familiar voice and sniffs the air. He looks at her menacingly before licking his lips>
Ruby: <surprised her plan worked> Oh…ummm…
<Redclaw turns and proceeds to stalk towards his prey, knowing she has no escape. Screech and Thudd slow down and stop content to watch their master and hope he leaves some scraps>
Littlefoot: <stopping along with the rest of the gang> Ruby! Go up the cliff if you jump high enough he can’t get you!
Cera: <to Littlefoot> So what…he can just turn around and eat us?
Littlefoot: <in insult> Cera….
Cera: I’m just saying that’s all…
Ruby: <screams> Guys…HELP ME!!!
<Like Littlefoot said, Ruby jumped off the tall rock and hopped between a few protruding rocks, propelling herself high enough to grab a ledge with her hands. She hangs in the air, just out of Redclaw’s reach. Redclaw takes advantage of the situation and jumps, snapping at the air and narrowly missing Ruby>
Ruby: <desperately> I can’t hold ON!!!
Petrie: <in alarm> We gotta do something!
<Suddenly another deep roar echoes down the edge of the mountainous cliffs right from behind Screech and Thudd, who were still standing and drooling in anticipation. Startled and caught completely by surprise, both of them turn around to face two more massive Sharpteeth. Their teeth were bared and their expressions were full of hunger and murderous intent. Desperately, the two fast biters scrambled to avoid the new attacks and made for the desert but one of them wasn’t fast enough. Screech was caught in the jaws of the darker of the two newcomers and shaken in the air, screeching in pain like his name.>
<Redclaw, having been born and having lived as a fighter, challenged the newcomers immediately by ramming into the lighter one while the darker one was occupied with Screech and knocking it to the ground, both Sharpteeth roaring in rage.>
Chomper: <in glee> It’s my Mommy! And my Daddy!
…
Ruby: <lets go and flumps to the ground and says to herself> Wow that was close <rubs her head with her hand>
…
<The larger Sharptooth sees that Screech has stopped making a fuss and hurls him against a nearby rock. He smashes into it and doesn’t get up. Redclaw and the female continue to fight, and judging by the bruises and cuts Red Claw is winning.>
Chomper: <runs out and speaks in Sharptooth> Daddy, daddy its me!
<Chomper runs out in excitement and the larger Sharptooth snorts as he corrects his stance>
Cera: <turns to Littlefoot> Is it just me or does Chomper’s dad look different from the last time we saw him?
Littlefoot: <jaw drops in horror> That’s not Chomper’s dad…. <yells> Chomper! Chomper! Stop he’s not your daddy!!!
Chomper: <stops running> … Daddy?
<the larger Sharptooth looks down at the new prey in front of him. One of his kind he judges, but a meal is a meal. Snarling he lunges forward with his jaws. Staring down the face of death, Chomper just stands there mesmerized as if his entire world just ended>
Ruby: <dives in just in time> Gotcha!
<the large Sharptooth roars in rage at being denied his meal, but his attention is quickly diverted by a call of help from his mate, clearly things are not going well in the fight. Indeed Redclaw had beaten his adversary because she was now backing off, covered in cuts and bruises with some bleeding. Redclaw was a smart fighter and saw the blow coming from the male, ducking under and ramming upwards driving him off his feet. While the three Sharpteeth fight on the gang makes their getaway>
Littlefoot: This way! <runs up a place where the cliff is less steep> We can lose them up here! <looks down to where Ruby is picking herself up after grabbing Chomper> Ruby, Chomper come on!
Ruby: <picks herself up, and lets Chomper down>
Chomper: <dusts himself off> Ruby, you saved me!
Ruby: <looks back> We’re not out of danger yet … <glances at Littlefoot and the gang climbing up the cliff> Lets go!
Chomper: <in alarm> Right behind you, its Thudd!
<Thudd had watched the fight intently, waiting for his chance to feed. As soon as the opportunity came he made his move. By the time Chomper noticed him it was too late to run away because he had gathered so much speed>
Ruby: HIYAH!!! <kicks Thudd in the face, just as he gets within striking distance> Take that!
<Thudd flinches in surprise, while Chomper and Ruby take the opportunity to run away as fast as they can>
Chomper: <looks back while running> Wow you really got him good!
Ruby: <angrily> Well he deserved it!
Petrie: <flies in> This way quick! <points up the path> We hiding up there!
<they both run up the side of the cliff after Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, and Spike, getting away from the swirling Sharptooth melee down bellow. Thudd rubs his nose and gives them a dirty, vengeful look but does not follow>
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Nice chapter. Ruby is showing some fight spirit, but it is sad that Chomper won't have a chance to meet his parents. Unless you are planning on something in that matter in next part? :)
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This fan fic is not dead, but for a while I thought I was going to be. I have almost recovered now from a bad illness so i'll get to work on this by this weekend.
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Part IV:
Setting: The cliff tops in the Mysterious Beyond. There is a slight wind and the sky is lightly cloudy with patches of blue. Nearby, the cliff drops off suddenly and deeply into a canyon wherein a river winds its way through. The gang rests within the shelter of a large protruding rock pointing towards the sky as if to draw attention away from itself.
<The gang rests in various places. Thinking ahead Littlefoot is on his feet surveying the canyon, which is the latest obstacle to their journey. Cera leans on one of her paws and draws in the sand with the other, looking bored. Ducky is also sitting down and looking concerned with something while Spike is sniffing around searching out some food for his empty stomach. At once, Ruby, Chomper and Petrie come running and flying in>
Ducky: <brightens up> Your all okay! <grabs Petrie and hugs him as he lands>
Petrie: <eyes bulging as Ducky hugs him so tight he chokes> Ducky! That enough, I glad to see you too.
Ruby: <smiles> I’m glad your glad we are okay, because if you weren’t glad its probably because we weren’t okay… <tightens her expression in thought> … Or is it you wouldn’t be glad because we aren’t glad because we aren’t okay? <confuses herself>
Petrie: <grips his head> Ruby make my head hurt!
<Chomper slowly walks up to a nearby flat rock and slumps down, not saying a word>
Littlefoot: <turns around from looking over the canyon> Well, it looks like we are going home. From what I can see we can either go back the way we came <peers back in that direction, and a Sharptooth roar is heard far in the distance>
Chomper: <thinking> What? That’s Thudd …
Ducky: I do not think we can go back, no no no…
Littlefoot: <looking down the cliffside> … Or we can follow this ledge down to the bottom. <peers up again> Petrie, see where this goes and if it is safe.
Petrie: <excitedly> Okay I go check!
Cera: It doesn’t look too bad… <jumps down to the ledge and finds her footing> And it’s certainly better then going back!
Ducky: <to Littlefoot> I’m with Cera, Screetch and Thuddcould be here at any time, they could, they could!
Cera: Not to mention Redclaw.
Littlefoot: <debates with himself> Well… <thinking> I guess your right. Come on Chomper, Spike, Ruby!
Spike: <trots back from the rock carrying a mouthful of green food. As he prepares to jump down the ledge after Littlefoot he happily and greedily swallows it>
Ruby: <jumps down after Spike and then turns to Chomper, still a step up> What’s wrong Chomper? <concerned> …It’s about your parent’s isn’t it?
Chomper: No it’s about Thudd! <listens harder but there are no further sounds> He sounded like he was sad…
Ruby: Rather then worrying about him you should be worrying about you … come on! <ushers him down>
…
Ducky: <stumbles and almost falls down> It sure is slippery!
Littlefoot: Keep going guys it’s not too much farther.
Cera: hmph… <grumbles> he said that an hour ago…
Ruby: <on a positive note> At least the view up here is nice to see – the moving water is so small it’s almost too small to see! <looks back> Hurry up Chomper your falling behind!
<suddenly without warning the earth begins to quake and rumble>
Ducky: CERA WATCH OUT!!!
<Cera jumps ahead just in time to dodge a falling rock>
Petrie: <flying by> It so dangerous, me scared!
Spike: <groans in alarm as he begins to slip on the slope>
Chomper: <scared> Littlefoot help me!! <struggles to keep his balance>
Littlefoot: <turns about wildly, trying to take in everything that is going on>
Ruby: I got you! <grabs Chomper, and then a shadow falls on both of them>
Chomper: Look out!
<A large rock breaks loose over top of them. Ruby tosses Chomper ahead and out of danger and at the last second jumps herself. She is a second too late and is clipped by the rock, throwing off her jump and rolling her off the cliff>
Chomper: <in shock> Ruby!!
<at the last moment Ruby grabs an outcrop, and is for the second time dangling before certain doom>
Ruby: <attempts to pull herself up> It’s too hard… <grunts in effort> I can’t!
Littlefoot: <jumps into action> Let’s pull her up! Cera, Spike lets make a chain and you can lower me down. Grab that rock with your tail!
<quickly Cera grabs Littlefoot’s tail with Spike behind, wrapping himself around the rock>
Ducky: <worried> I do not like this, I don’t, I don’t.
Petrie: <lands beside her> Me too, it so far down from up here!
Littlefoot: <reaches down> Grab my hand!
<Ruby reaches up but misses, and is now only hanging on by only one hand>
Littlefoot: <strains> A little more…almost…there!
<without warning the rock Ruby is hanging onto begins to crack>
Ruby: <sadly> Goodbye Littlefoot. <Ruby lets go just as the rock crumbles>
Littlefoot: Ruby!!
Chomper: Noooo!!!
<Chomper’s cry fades as Ruby plummets a hundred feet to the water bellow. A look of sadness and surrender crosses her face a moment before she hits the water, and then she is gone>
Cera: <ignorantly> Littlefoot, hurry up your not exactly light you know!
Ducky: Cera… <lost for words> … Ruby … <turns away>
Cera: Littlefoot, what’s going on?
Littlefoot: <does not respond>
<As Cera realized what had happened, everyone was speetchless. Only the sound of the wind and the distant flowing river fall bellow can be heard, carrying on despite the tragedy that had just occurred. They had faced many dangers and braved many obstacles before, but always somehow beat the odds and came through. All at once the weight of the world came crashing down on their heads harder then any rock, and none so much as Littlefoot – the leader of the herd>
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Setting: Back on the mountainside where the gang encountered Redclaw
<Like so many times before, their lunch had evaded Thudd and his master. Redclaw stomped about roaring his defiance to the two Sharpteeth he had just driven off. He was injured, but not as severely as the other two who sported slashes to both the face and body. The fighting skill of Redclaw, especially with members of his own kind, was one that kept Thudd and his brother Screech loyal to their master. This was because it nearly always filled their stomachs after Redclaw had taken his fill. In turn the large Sharptooth favored them for their mobility and their ability to sniff out prey he couldn’t reach>
Thudd: <snorts in frustration and walks over to his brother Screech, who was still lying on the ground where he had been thrown earlier> Get up!
Screech: <opens his eyes a slit and attempts to get up but fails. He lays down and whimpers in pain>
Thudd: Get up! <kicks his brother>
Screech: <does not move>
Thudd: <eyes his brother in confusion, for his kick was intended more as an insult rather then an attack. Screech must be really hurt>
<Redclaw strutted over, the blood on his mouth and teeth showing his satisfaction of another set of rivals defeated. Thudd didn’t expect him to care about his brother’s current state, but instead his master actually seemed interested>
Thudd: <reluctantly> He’s not getting up.
Redclaw: <eyes Screech with his good eye, then suddenly rushes forward and snatches him up swallowing him whole>
<Screech does not make a sound as he dies for the life had nearly left him to begin with. As his master turns away licking his lips Thudd lets out a cry of hate and rage. Redclaw simply ignores him and moves on, stopping only to motion for him to follow>
Thudd: <for a moment he thinks to obey, but his anger wins through. He bears his teeth and hisses>
Redclaw: <snorts in disappointment before continuing on his way>
<As a Sharptooth in a world where only survival matters, Thudd had lost most of his family through starvation and tragedy. Screech was the last one he had, and now his brother too had become of victim of the struggle for survival. For Thudd, the only thing left to do was to find a meal on his own. Life had rarely been kind to him, and despair was something he had learned to deal with long ago. To give into it when survival depended on being out and killing was a one way ticket to the boneyard>
Thudd: <growls to the air> So be it… <sniffs the air to begin his search for more prey>
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Part V:
Setting: Inside a dark cavern in the mysterious beyond at the bottom of the canyon. The river flows out in a rush as if it has somewhere to go and nothing can get in its way. Where the gang treads the river bank is rough and rocky with many stones lacking proper footing. Inside the cave the walls and ceiling have clearly been shaped by the river’s passage both past and present and there are many open areas where the brook decided it didn’t want to flow anymore.
<With Littlefoot leading the way the gang navigates the rocky banks and then stops briefly to rest within the cave. The entire area is dimly lit by unknown lights bienieth the water, probably sparkling stones. Apart from the vibrance around them the gang is in a notably grim mood>
Littlefoot: <after looking around> This place looks pretty safe … we will stay here tonight.
<Everyone is relieved but Chomper who simply gazes into the water, not saying a word>
Ducky: <notices Spike’s stomach growling> Spike’s tummy is all rumbly, <pauses as her own stomach growls> and mine is rumbly too, yep, yep yep!
Cera: Second that one…
Littlefoot: Well let’s get looking for something to eat then… <the others hop to it> … And what about you Chomper?
Chomper: <suddenly dives into the river, and emerges with a fish in his mouth> I can take care of myself… <dryly, which is unlike him>
Littlefoot: <concerned> Chomper… <walks up beside him> About what happened to Ruby… I’m sorry.
Chomper: Leave me alone. <turns away>
<The rest of the afternoon went smoothly as Ducky found some weeds undernieth the water so they all found enough food to eat>
…
<later that night, just before they all went to sleep, Ducky approached Littlefoot and tapped him lightly to catch his attention>
Littlefoot: <lifts his head> Ducky? <yawns> …What is it?
Ducky: <looks back in concern> You should talk to Chomper… he is really upset, He is.
Littlefoot: <sighs> I know, we all miss her but I can’t change what happened.
Ducky: <desperately> You must say something, you must, you must! He really looks up to you!
<a few minutes later Littlefoot approaches Chomper, who is still sitting on his own>
Littlefoot: <timidly> Chomper…
Chomper: Go away … I don’t wanna talk. <gets up and walks away for a bit and then sits down a little farther along the river bank>
Littlefoot: <remains silent for a moment out of respect, before continuing> When my mother died … do you know the last thing she told me?
Chomper: <doesn’t respond>
Littlefoot: She told me that she would never leave me, that I could find her everywhere. <pauses for a moment> … It hurt because I didn’t know what it meant – I couldn’t see her anywhere and I was alone.
Chomper: <rubs his nose and sniffs>
Littlefoot: But now I realize that she is with me always <looks up at the cave roof where the moonlight is shining in and the night sky is partially visible> guiding me from above the sky and even the stars. Ruby is there too Chomper, she’s watching over–
Chomper: <interrupts> –but it’s my fault she’s up there in the first place!!! <turns to face Littlefoot, angry with himself> … It’s not fair, she died saving ME!!! <goes into a tantrum, intent on destroying anything in reach>
Littlefoot: Chomper, STOP! <holds him down>
Chomper: Get off me! Get off ME!!! <struggling>
<Chomper squirms free and snaps at Littlefoot with his jaws. He misses but the effect of it is immediate – Littlefoot jumps back, horrified>
Chomper: <bears his teeth for a moment, but soon realizes what he’s done and turns away once more, crying>
<As Chomper cries alone Littlefoot looks back towards the rest of the gang., unsure what to do. He sees they are all staring at both him and Chomper>
Littlefoot: <sensing his duty comes forward and comforts Chomper> … You know it wasn’t your fault. <kindly>
Chomper: I know … <through the tears> But she’s not coming back…
Littlefoot: It’s okay Chomper <hugs him> It’s okay…
…
Ducky: <silently to Cera> Littlefoot is very brave, he is. I could never do something like that, I couldn’t.
Cera: I suppose so … <guarding her emotions>
<Although she would never admit it, Cera found herself feeling a deep admiration for Littlefoot. She knew she wouldn’t have had the courage to do what he just did – and it hurt her pride just thinking it. Cera turned over so they wouldn’t see the tears on her face too>
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Setting: Deeper in the river cavern the next day. In this section of the cave the ground is flat and slightly rocky. Sunlight leaks in through the ceiling illuminating the floor now that the gang has left the underground river behind.
Ducky: <riding on Spike’s back> This place looks familiar…it does!
Petrie: Hey…me seen it before too!
Cera: <smirking> Remember Littlefoot? We chased you through here when you ran off with that Ali.
Littlefoot: <admits> I remember… <thinking> I wonder if I will ever see her again…
Chomper: <looking better then the day before> Oh…when did this happen?
Littlefoot: It was about a cold time before we came to your island… <pauses but doesn’t continue>
Chomper: And? <smiles showing his teeth> What happened?
Littlefoot: I don’t wanna talk about it.
Chomper: <frowns>
<the gang walks along the smooth floor of the cave. The roof no longer has holes in it hinting that they are probably deeper underground then before. Cera leads the way along with Petrie revealing that they both are eager to get out of this place. Littlefoot for once is near the back of the group and looks more disturbed then usual>
Ducky: What is wrong Littlefoot? I know when you have a rock in your head, I do.
Littlefoot: Your right Ducky…<sounding miserable> What’s bothering me is – what are our parents going to say when they find out what happened?
<the entire gang stops to listen>
Littlefoot: <worried> We might not be allowed to play together anymore…
Petrie: <horrified> Oh No! It not fair, you all my bestest friends! <lands on the nose the nearest one who happens to be Spike and hugs him>
Ducky: We will be in deep deep trouble, we will, we will.
Spike: <sighs>
Cera: <stomps and gets everyone’s attention> Well then I say we don’t go back! <mad> … Ever!
Ducky: <scared> Never ever? You can’t mean it Cera.
Cera: Of course I mean it! If my daddy and Tria ever found out that one of us didn’t come back, I’d never get out of their sight again! <sad> And I don’t really want that…
Littlefoot: Guys … listen: We have to go back. <resolute, but then admits> It was my fault what happened…I’ll tell our folks.
Ducky: But it was the Earthshake…we all saw it!
Littlefoot: I know…but somebody has to take responsibility. <looks at his feet in shame> And I shouldn’t have led us down that ledge…
…
<The cave opens up at the bottom of a waterfall. Having walked this path before Cera and Petrie led the way until eventually, they were home>
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<Redclaw looked out over the Great Valley. He had only been in there once before and then it had been full of prey ripe for the taking. The leaf eaters here had managed to hide themselves from his eyes, but not for much longer – The only problem was getting inside of course. From his vantage point he could see there was clearly no way in, but then there was something his father used to say…he barely remembered it. Ah yes…>
“The diligent are always rewarded” –or was it the hungry?
--- End of Act I ---
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Parts IV and V were posted simultaniously because of how emotionally heavy they both are. To leave it in the middle would not have been right.
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Wow...those were some sad chapters... :( I actually felt really sorry for Thud there, having to watch his brother get eaten by the sharptooth he's "worked" for for so long...
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Chapters 1, 2, and 3 of Act II will be done by this weekend - I'm doing them all in a group to establish some continuity in the storyline. Hopefully it also appeals to readers who don't like to be left hanging.
Thank you all for commenting on my story! Its a script style so it's different then a typical fan fiction. What do you all think of this writing style, and heck what do you think of Act 1 in general? Rest assured there will be a happy ending. :yes
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Act II:
Part I:
Setting: The place known as the Dawn Valley has always been a haven for wandering herds displaced by either hunger or sharpteeth. It begins in the mountains and carries leeward into the ocean, forming a long and narrow mat of green nourishment on a coastline of both desert and grassland. This place is perhaps most famous for when the Great Valley dinosaurs came after their valley had been devoured by the leaf gobblers, but certainly a lot had happened here since their sudden arrival and subsequent departure. Even some notable characters were born here – such as Redclaw – though it is doubtful he remembers it. Apart from this however, today is a normal day for the valley’s inhabitants as the great circle shines down and provides it’s warmth for all. There are a few spotty clouds around that speak of no rain, save for the ones in the distance over the sea which are dark and threatening and seem to cast their hate of the clear day. A storm was coming, but to everyone up and about things were as normal as they could be – after all it was too far away to waste the day over.
< The grasslands to the west of the valley blow lightly in the wind as a large herd of wandering dinosaurs makes its path through the fields. Many different kinds of dinosaur are travellers in this bunch, likely having been displaced by some distant calamity. At the herd’s head was it’s leaders – a mated pair of longnecks that urged them on into better lands. Near the middle of the herd a pair of spiketails conversed >
Spiketail #1: <tired and frustrated> This is ridiculous … we should have stayed in the Great Valley like everyone else wanted!
Spiketail #2: <admits between breaths> It was nice but you know how it is. We never stay in one place very long – it’s the key to survival in these times.
Spiketail #1: <angry> Well maybe I don’t want to wander anymore… back in the Great Valley we had plenty of green food, water, and above all else we were safe from those cursed sharpteeth!
Spiketail #2: <shushing him> Be quiet! You don’t want to get us in trouble again.
<looks around and sees that it’s too late – the nearby dinosaurs were all staring at them>
Spiketail #2: … If it’s any consolidation we’ll be stopping here to have our young. You’ll have plenty of time to rest.
Spiketail #1: <questioningly> “Our” young?
Spiketail #2: <smiles as realisation dawns on her partner’s face>
Spiketail #1: <smiles back grumpily. Maybe it wasn’t all bad news today>
…
<Nearby, perched on a rock a small grey dinosaur sits and watches. He listens to the conversation going on and observes the hustle and bustle of the moving herd. His eyes widen at the mention of the young the couple was expecting. He rises and stands on the rock, and is revealed to be a struthiomimus – or an egg-stealer as the other dinosaurs called them. With a bit of hesitation, he calls down to his friend who was scrounging about in the brush>
Thor: Hey Rozzy, come up here and get a load of this!
Rozzy: <does not answer, clearly he is quite busy>
Thor: <slightly curious> Hey… what are you up to down there?
Rozzy: <stands up straight and replies coldy> None of your matters. You will find out soon enough.
<Unlike the dull grey of his companion Rozzy is a clear contrast in both colour and visage. He is also an egg-stealer, but his scaled hide is a stark desert red and his eyes are a piercing golden hue demonstrating his pension towards absolute concentration. This isn’t surprising as he inherited them from Ozzy – his father>
Thor: <proceeds to explain himself> You know what I heard mate? It’s another herd coming in and it’s a lot larger then the last one … <licks his lips> I reckon we can snatch an egg or so if we’re fast.
Rozzy: Speed? That doesn’t matter now… if we wait we can get as many as we want…
Thor: <surprised> What do you mean?
Rozzy: <smiles> See this? <holds up a small silver pebble he had dug up out of the dirt> We can use it to get the help we need to rob more then just a single nest.
<Thor opened his mouth to ask what his friend meant, but he knew it was futile. Rozzy always explained himself when he felt the time was right – and that was if his plan didn’t make itself clear along the way>
Thor: <bewildered> So what is that you’ve got there?
Rozzy: <admits> I don’t know… <casually tosses it up and catches it again> But I do know of a certain bug-eating flyer who would help us out just to have it.
Thor: Ah … you mean Syndra?
Rozzy: <smiles slyly> Precisely. In ten suns these wanderers will begin to lay their eggs and within fourteen they will let down their guard… <a savage glint in his eye> And by that time we will be ready.
Thor: <hops down from the rock and lands next to Rozzy, showing how small he actually is in comparison> Where you learn this stuff I could only guess…
Rozzy: <spitefully> From my father… one of the only things he ever taught me.
<Thor grimaced. One of the only things Rozzy didn’t want to talk about was his father – whom he hated with a passion. He would never explain why, but Thor figured they had issues that went far beyond disagreement>
Rozzy: <changing the subject> We had best be off then … if we get there too late she won’t be pleased to see us.
Thor: <matter of factly> I don’t think she’s ever pleased to see us…
<The two egg-stealers depart on that note and sprint off into the long grass, disappearing just as a shadow descends from the skies above. A rumble of thunder can be heard from the darkened sky over the ocean>
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New Character Info:
Rozzy, or otherwise known by his full name Roznald is an egg-stealer and is the second child to Ozzy and Shira. He is one of ten siblings, though he never bonded too much with any of them as they were nothing more then competition for his ambitions. Unlike his father he is an accomplished thief and possesses a charisma and leadership comparable to Littlefoot, albight directed towards darker passions. He inherited his mother’s intelligence and meticulous attention for details, which not only lends him a fair amount of success in his endevours but also a lot of friends of other species who see him as a way for personal gain. This doesn’t matter to Rozzy however, as long as he gets what he wants.
Thor is one of four brothers and he is the runt of his hatching. Since his birth he has been the last to eat and is frequently picked on by his older siblings. This doesn’t darken his friendly but stern nature however and he is Rozzy’s best friend and greatest ally. Thor is self aware and has good insight even if hes not as smart as his friend and he doesn’t object to questionable ventures such as stealing or lying if it means he gets to eat.
Setting: The heavy rain coming down from above is partially blocked out by the vast canopies of the tall trees that surround them. The forest floor is covered in assorted brush and ferns but is otherwise deserted, as the creatures of the day have retired to their holes and the nocturnal ones are hiding from the rain. One exception to this however is the fliers occupying the trees above who are as active as ever. They chatter and call and dart back and forth between the trees either playing games or moving themselves free of the falling water.
<Rozzy and Thor rustle quickly through the ferns, with Rozzy pushing ahead as if he knows the way and Thor following behind trying to avoid being wacked by the straightening bushes. Annoyed with their lack of progress, Thor stops first and looks around at all the nearby trees>
Thor: <glancing about> Which one is she in? They all look the same.
Rozzy: Just follow me… <Continues unabashed along the path. Clearly he knows the way>
<Rozzy suddenly stops on a rocky outcropping, nearly causing Thor to run into him>
Thor: Whoa! <stops barely in time> You gotta warn me before you right do that!
Rozzy: <ignores him and sniffs the air. He tilts towards a nearby tree and calls out with dignity> You can come out now … I know your there.
<The tree he had been looking at shuffles as its leaves are parted to reveal a moderately sized and sinuous flier. She is a microraptor gui, the same species as Guido, but from both her authoritative stance and arrogant smirk one might not find out of place on a sharptooth eyeing a small trapped morsel, it is clear that the two characters are worlds apart. Her feathers and entire body are a light scarlet with a whitish tint in the less exposed areas of her body, including the bushy tip of her tail. She addresses the two egg-stealers bellow her with an edge of power, as if they were lesser beings>
Syndra: Well you certainly are sharp aren’t you? <notices a caterpillar on a nearby branch and casually snaps it up, with a dexterity Thor could compare to a lightning bolt> So… <chewing> might I ask how you knew I was following you?
Rozzy: <smugly, as if he enjoyed showing his intelligence> Two things…first one is the lack of other fliers around here.
Syndra: <hisses annoyingly at being reminded she was an outcast. The other fliers had found her eating habits distasteful and chose to avoid her. That and of course she wasn’t the nicest hatchling out of the nest>
Rozzy: And secondly you were expecting us … you saw the herd pass by here and you knew that we would be planning something including you.
Syndra: <glides down and lands right in front of the two egg-stealers causing Thor to jump. Here on the ground it was obvious that even as an adolescent she was bigger then both of them> … Clever little landwalker aren’t you? <Threateningly> My mother eats your kind for breakfast!
Rozzy: <quickly matches wits> But I bet mommy doesn’t feed you eggs for breakfast now does she? <opens his clawed hand to reveal the silver pebble he dug up earlier> … or give you shiny stones just for the privilege.
Syndra: <eyes both the stone and it’s holder for a moment and then quickly looks around to make sure nobody is watching. Satisfied, she drops her act> You certainly haven’t changed… <laughs> … It’s nice to see you two again. It’s been a long and boring rainy season.
Rozzy: <returns the smile> So your with us again this year?
Syndra: Of course! <swats away a fly with her wing…clearly just by buzzing around her it wanted to die> … You have my eyes, my ears, and my appetite. <snaps at the air catching the fly and devouring it mid wing> So, when are we going?
Rozzy: Fourteen suns.
Syndra: <disappointed> Hmph … there’s no rushing you is there? <begins to flap her wings and then takes off into the air> See you soon. <then adds to shine on Thor> Keep your eyes open shrimp.
Thor: <insulted> Well I say… <watches her go> Wish she would get off me about that.
Rozzy: <thinking out loud> It isn’t enough. We need another…
Thor: Who else is there? <counts on his fingers> Cyllis was eaten by a sea swimmer, Avery has moved down the coast, and Kepsla –
Rozzy: <interrupts> Hasn’t spoken to us yet. He might want in again.
Thor: <commenting> Remember what his parents think of us though… Shell swimmers can be pretty vicious when they are angry.
Rozzy: He is protected by his parents, which is exactly what we need. <sees Thor’s confused look and proceeds to explain> … You see in order for my plan to work we need someone innocent and trustworthy… someone nobody will suspect of ill motive.
Thor: <admitting> Well he certainly has a kind heart…
Rozzy: And a craving for landwalker food which he can’t satisfy on his own. <smiles diabolically> Which we will generously provide… <motions for Thor to follow him once more> We will need to gather some sweet bubbles though – you up for it?
Thor: <excitedly> As always mate!
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I don't usually care for stories written in script format, but this one is really good. :yes The OCs you introduced in the last chapter are very interesting.
How old are Thor and Rozzy, by the way? They must be pretty small, if they're outsized by Syndra (Microraptor was only about three feet long). Or is your LBT version of Microraptor gui larger than the real thing?
By the way, if you're looking for a LBT name for Syndra/Guido's species, might I suggest "glider" or "fourwing"? (Just trying to be helpful. :))
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I forget to mention their ages ... Rozzy is 8 and Thor is 14. Syndra is not exactly the same species as Guido, but shes very close so I wanted to make an accurate comparason that you could relate to. On top of that she also knows how to be intimidating and bossy so from Thor's account (he is a runt after all) she would appear a lot larger then she actually was.
Rozzy is about 1'4" tall, Thor is about 1'5" tall and Syndra is about 1'6" tall.
Rozzy is similar to Artemis Fowl... hes a gifted genious of his kind but hes also very self serving - because of how neglected he was as a child. His mother didn't have time for him amoungst his siblings and his father never wanted him so he's had learn to take care of himself.
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Part II:
Setting: The windless atmosphere reflects the current feeling of the occupants of the Great Valley, as the air seems to hang heavy and arid as if foreshadowing the meeting that is about to take place. The clearing is covered with rock rises, conveniently shaped by time into what could be compared to a coliseum – a perfect place for an important gathering. It hadn’t changed much since Pterano was condemned here, or even the numerous other meetings since then in keeping face with the enduring spirit of justice.
<Today a much more important topic was being discussed by the parents of the Great Valley. Since the gang of Cera, Spike, Littlefoot, Chomper, Ducky, and Petrie had come home things had gone from bad to worse. They had arrived to face the disappointed faces of their parents only to have Grandpa Longneck ask the question it hurt to answer to even themselves>
…
Grandpa: <wisely> It is a blessing that you have returned safely once more children… we were all worried about you. <counts the number of children in front of him as he found he had to do more and more these days> But, wasn’t there another who left with you?
<The others, including pretty much all the parents present to greet them, looked to Littlefoot at his moment of responsibility>
Littlefoot: Oh Ruby? She…umm…ah… <for a moment debates on telling them she had gone home safely to her family, but it wasn’t in his heart to lie about something so important> …. She didn’t make it back.
<Littlefoot looks to the ground in shame, so he couldn’t see the faces that had fallen on him. All around their parents gasp, coming to grips with what had occurred>
Grandma Longneck: <looks at Grandpa> Oh dear…
…
<Hence the important meeting today between all the parents of the valley, even the ones who didn’t have a child in the gang of six, took place to discuss the future of their children. Only Tria did not attend the meeting because she volunteered to watch the young dinosaurs, but as usual Topsy was verbal enough to cover for the both of them>
Topsy: … And as I was saying, your Littlefoot is to blame for the loss of a young one longneck. It is his irresponsibility and carelessness that is a bad influence on the others and especially my Cera.
Grandpa: <prepares his usual defence> Mr. Tree horn you must understand–
Petrie’s Mom: <interrupts> Have you learned nothing since we came here? He may have little respect for authority but he has done a lot more good for this valley then you have and you know it!
<After keeping silent for so long Petrie’s Mom decided to finally tell off Mr. Threehorn in favour of the longnecks, something that Grandpa had resisted doing because of his age and his wisdom. It also helped that she was up high, free from any retaliation he might send>
Topsy: <growls but keeps himself in check> He’s been lucky a few times I’ll give him that … <stomps in preparation of his next statement> But you all know as good as I do that something like this was bound to happen sometime. For all the times he leads our children to the ends of the world and back again!
<Murmurs of agreement in the crowd>
Ducky’s Mom: I agree with Terra, Littlefoot can’t be blamed for an accident he couldn’t prevent! Not to mention he saved my Ducky…
Topsy: But it was he who led them into a place we always tell them is too dangerous for young ones! <turns to Grandpa to attack him again> Wasn’t it you longneck who bragged about your grandson passing your “Longneck Test”…hmm?
Grandma: <parries his attack> Might I remind you all that this discussion isn’t about our Littlefoot it’s about the safety of our children and the young one who perished!
<The crowd seems to agree>
Grandpa: <adds> Grandma is right … our first concern should be to keep an eye on them so they don’t go on any more adventures without us knowing.
<The majority of the crowd agrees for once again Grandpa Longneck is right as he usually is. Even Topsy bowed his head slightly, though evidently he was hoping to discredit the longnecks a little more>
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<Hoping to lighten up the situation a bit, Tria had taken the gang to her favourite place – the mudpools. Of course this time none of them had a choice in the matter as they didn’t really feel like playing anyway. While the children hung around the pools she took a bit of time to introduce her latest offspring – Trisha – to her favourite pastime>
Ducky: <dips a toe in the mud. Ewwe… <wipes it off> I cannot swim in this… I can’t.
Cera: <laying in the mud> Your not supposed to swim in it silly! Your supposed to… <relaxes> … lay in it.
Petrie: <sitting on a nearby branch> I not going in there… flyers not made to swim. <flaps his wings in emphasis>
Cera: Suit yourselves then … <scoffs> babies…
Spike: <laughs as he too relaxes in the mud>
Tria: <turns away from Tricia for a moment, who is splashing mud and laughing, and speaks to Littlefoot> Why don’t you try it Littlefoot, you might like it. <smiles>
Littlefoot: <reluctantly> Well… I guess I could. <crawls slowly into the mud> Hey, this isn’t bad. Chomper come on in it’s pretty warm!
Chomper: In a minute… <but then he looks at the mud bubbling and Trica who is completely covered in it> Umm…. Maybe later.
<returning to the mud pools brought back unpleasant memories for Chomper. It was here that he had panicked after losing a tooth, but he found Ruby and she told him that it was perfectly normal which made things better. Now she was gone, and everything seemed to remind him of her>
Littlefoot: Hey Chomper, is everything okay?
Chomper: <tilting his head away> Yeah… I’m fine.
Littlefoot: <slight smile> You know you can tell me if there’s something wrong.
<Littlefoot felt more like a parent to Chomper then he ever had, seeing as he had hatched him in a time long past. Now that Chomper was hurting inside it was his duty to do anything to make him feel better – just as his grandma and grandpa do for him>
Chomper: Well… <briefly thinks about what to say, but stumbles upon another thought> Hey! I never told you how Ruby and me became friends! But… <corrects himself> … it doesn’t matter now I guess…
Littlefoot: <puts a paw on Chomper’s shoulder that unfortunately is covered in mud and leans closer> If it makes you feel better.
Chomper: Okay! <hops up, and then starts> It was during the hot time. Me and my mommy and daddy had just left the island. We hadn’t eaten for a while and I was hungry…
…
Chomper: <walking along on the dry ground and looking tired, he calls up to his massive mother> Mommy I’m hungry, and thirsty … <flops to the ground> … and tired.
Chomper’s Mom: <looks with concern at her son, but says nothing>
<suddenly Chomper’s dad stops and sniffs the air. He then turns his head to a nearby pile of stones>
Chomper’s Dad: Now that is something I haven’t smelt that in a long time…
<sensing danger, a creature hiding in the rocks flees. Rather then chasing his prey, like he usually would have done, Chomper’s dad calls out to the creature>
Dad: <yells> Fast runner!
<the creature stops and turns, not used to being addressed by sharpteeth. Satisfied that he was understood, Chomper’s father then continues>
Dad: I call on you to honour the ancient pact and aid me and my own.
<The words were dignified and official has if there was a bond behind them that Chomper was unaware of. Apart from the time his parents spared his friends for rescuing him he had never seen them act this way towards another dinosaur ever>
Fast Runner: <somewhat nervously> I accept … but it seems that most of your kind doesn’t remember it anymore.
<The fast runner spoke with a voice that was weathered and mature, like what Chomper would expect from an adult. He didn’t seem bothered by the family of Sharpteeth too much, even a glint of happiness and being addressed rather then chased. Unknowingly, this was the first time that Chomper met Ruby’s father>
Dad: <snorts> Ignorant children … this land is full of orphans without guidance. Now can you show us where leaf eaters gather?
Chomper: <confused> What’s going on, why aren’t we eating him?
Mom: <moves to follow her mate and their new guide> Keep up dear you don’t want to fall behind … <Chomper and his mom get moving again> It’s because long ago our fathers made a pact with the fast runners. One of the laws of our kind is not to intrude on another’s territory and that the small give way to the large.
<Chomper’s Mom bares her teeth to show dominance, a force of habit>
Mom: But fast runners at both meat and leaf, so naturally our fathers hunted them as prey. Unlike us however they never had to move around as much, so they always knew the lay of the land better then any sharptooth.
Chomper: <stomach grumbles> Oh… <his thoughts still on food> But why didn’t we just eat them too and look for other food using our sniffers?
Mom: <chuckles as her son thinks like a sharptooth> Because they are impossible to catch!
…
<The fast runner took Chomper and his family to an oasis nearby. Smelling the water, both of his parents charged in through the trees to get the element of surprise on their prey, like they usually did. Unfortunately this approach left Chomper running behind to catch up. He didn’t mind it this way, as watching his parents kill bothered him a little bit. Running along as fast as he could he surprised came across the fast runner guide, who had stopped and was looking through the gap in the trees where his parents passed>
Ruby’s Father: <to himself in leaf eater> What have I done this day…
Chomper: It’s not so bad… we sharpteeth have to eat too!
<Ruby’s dad whistled around to confirm what he had just heard came from the little sharptooth>
Dad: <shocked> You can … speak?
Chomper: Of course I can!
<speaking in leaf eater was so much more specific then sharptooth…and Chomper liked to express himself that way as opposed to a chain of different toned growls. Just as Chomper thought this, the fast runner turned and bolted into brush – a lot faster then he could ever hope to go>
Chomper: <yells> Hey wait, WAIT!
<despite his hunger, Chomper chased after his new friend. He wanted to ask him about the pact and just use the chance to talk in leaf eater without getting chastised by his parents. He followed him for a while, but soon the brush closed in and he had no idea where he was>
Chomper: <realizing he’s lost> Uh oh… <looks around nervously at the large, dark trees all around> Mommy?… Daddy?
<Chomper wandered aimlessly for a while before sitting down beside a small pool of water>
Chomper: <to himself> This is just great – I’m tired, hungry, alone, and lost. <seeing nothing else to do, he slumps his head down in his hands>
< a creature in the water had been watching him silently, and at that moment decided it was time to reveal herself>
Ruby: <rises up out of the water where she had been swimming> Oh… hello there!
Chomper: Huh? <looks up and then growls instinctively>
Ruby: <laughs at his tiny growl> That’s pretty good, but you gotta grow up a bit more before it gets really good!
Chomper: <surprised at first, decides to go the sharptooth way and bares his teeth> I’m a Sharptooth, I can eat you!
Ruby: <not the least bit threatened at all, sweeps back her arms and splashes him>
Chomper: <yells> Stop it!
Ruby: You don’t have to be so mean you know, I’m just being friendly.
Chomper: <relents> I’m just hungry that’s all…
<Without speaking, Ruby dives under the water>
Chomper: I guess she’s gone… <sighs and puts his head in his hands again>
<Suddenly out of nowhere a fish flies through the air at him and smacks him in the face>
Chomper: <surprised> Hey…what!?!
Ruby: <pops back up out of the water> For you! It’s a water swimmer. They are really good when they are red with brown spots…
Chomper: <ravenous, grabs the fish with his jaws and starts eating it>
Ruby: <confuses herself> … Or was it brown with red spots? <puzzles>
Chomper: <licks his lips> That’s the best I’ve ever tasted, thank you! <realizes he hasn’t introduced himself> Umm…. My name’s Chomper.
Ruby: <walks up on shore and shakes off> Mine’s Ruby… <smiles at him> You want to be friends?
Chomper: <smiles back> Sure! … <notices her species> Hey you’re a fast runner… just like the one I was following…
Ruby: <suddenly animated> You were following someone like me?
Chomper: Yeah … it was…
Ruby’s Dad: <jumps in through the bushes> Ruby! What are you doing!?!
Ruby: <smiles> Oh hey daddy! I was talking with this nice sharptooth.
…
Chomper: <to Littlefoot> Her dad didn’t like me much for a while…only when me and Ruby became friends did he actually talk to me.
Littlefoot: Wow I didn’t know that.
Chomper: She didn’t even know me and yet she was always looking out for me. Most leaf eaters just ran away when I talked to them…
Littlefoot: <brightening up the situation> You know you might feel better if you come lie in the mud with us. <settles in> It’s very relaxing.
Chomper: <stands up> Okay I guess I could… <deciding he wants to make as big of an entrance as possible, he climbs to the top of the high rock overlooking the mud pools> Here I come… Geronimo! <jumps in, splashing Cera and spike with mud>
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So, the focus of your story will be alternating between the gang and the OCs you introduced in the last chapter, until they all meet? I like it. :smile
Let me just say that you did an astounding job on this entire chapter. :yes The gang (minus one member :() returning to the valley with the worst possible news; the varying reactions from the gang upon their return to the mud pool; Chomper's flashback of meeting Ruby for the first time (I can totally imagine that as a scene in a movie or TV episode; especially the part where Ruby throws Chomper a fish and it hits him in the face :lol); expertly written, all of them.
Hope you don't mind me pointing out a few slight typos, though: at one point, Grandpa Longneck addresses Cera's father as "Mr. Tree horn." Later on, you misspell Tricia's name as "Trisha" and "Trica."
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Thanks for the corrections and the comments Pangaea! I'd like to get some more opinions from others to help improve my writing style - it seems that this fan fic has a long way to go before it comes close to the other good ones like Twilight Valley and Cold Time.
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Part III:
Setting: The edge of the forest at the river mouth in the Dawn Valley. The thundering rain of the previous day has retreated from the valley and given birth to a bright sun, which is still in the act of drying out the ground and trees. The water at the opening of the river is murky and shallow, making it perfect for the sea turtles and fish that migrate up the river in the spring. Today the river is just as alive as the land as the creatures of the sea take advantage of the calm weather to feed, swim, or simply lay on the hot rocks to sun themselves. On top of a large, commanding rock with a full view of the water slightly bellow sit Rozzy and Thor.
Thor: The shell swimmers are back again this year… a tad late though. <turns to Rozzy> You think he’s here mate?
Rozzy: <strumming the rock with his feet talons> We will find out soon enough.
<Rozzy stared intently at a group of sea turtles who had beached themselves on the hot rocks to gather some sun. They spoke to one another in various conversations which were too far away to hear – not that he cared what they were saying. About a minute later a moderately sized turtle slid back into the water. The other turtles were laughing at him>
Thor: <slight smile> How about that…
Rozzy: <tilts his head up> I thought so… <turns to Thor> You brought the sweet bubbles right?
Thor: Yep … just as you asked. <knowing what’s coming, he picks them up in his mouth>
Rozzy: Leave them here, this is going to be easier then I thought…
Thor: <surprised, but obeys his friend and sets them down>
…
<The two egg-stealers skittered down to the shore where the lone sea turtle had found a different rock to sun himself on away from the others>
Rozzy: <speaking up> Having a bit of trouble with your friends Kepsla?
Kepsla: <bolts back into his shell, surprised that anyone is talking to him from shore. He seems to recognize the voice after a while though and slips back out, looking at the water in shame> Yeah… they think I’m weird. <looks up> Just because I like to be alone. It’s for no reason too, they think they’re better then me!
Rozzy: <brings the tips of his fingers together in a business like gesture> Well then… you can certainly show them when you come back from being alone with a mouthful of sweet bubbles can’t you?
Kepsla: <eyes wide open> Oh no…. I’m not helping you steal from the other land walkers again, no way!
Rozzy: <tilts his head up a bit, he was expecting to hear this> You won’t be… all we need is a simple favour. It will fill both of our stomachs, provided you’re willing to help.
Kepsla: If dad finds out about this… <thinks about it for a moment, and then looks around to make sure no one has seen or heard him> …What kind of favour?
<Thor could see Rozzy smile, a thick devious smile that only showed when things were going his way. Clearly, he had everyone he needed for his plan. Now it just fell to him to reveal what it was, an event that Thor could predict would come on the day they made their move, fourteen suns away>
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<Fourteen days passed faster then Thor had ever remembered. Him and Rozzy ate whatever they could find, but in their world eggs were considered the equivalent of fine dining – a feast that their kind favoured so much that the other dinosaurs named them after it. Around this time of year many egg-stealers tried to take from nests and failed, as they were almost always well guarded or hidden to make them difficult to find. Rozzy was smarter then the rest of them, as Thor knew firsthand, and while their brothers and sisters searched for the less guarded hidden caches for hours on end he visited various locations around the nesting grounds. He never strayed too close to alarm the mothers nested there, but was always close enough so see what went on there on a daily basis. On the morning of the day he had chosen Rozzy, Thor, Syndra and Kepsla gathered on the river bank just upstream of the nesting grounds. From here it could be clearly seen all the dinosaurs huddled together greedily sucking up the water to quench their thirst. Thor had to resist the urge to pee in the water in contempt>
Rozzy: <addressing his gathered friends> Welcome everyone… <mockingly> I trust you have all been eating well?
Syndra: Hardly… <strokes her feathers> All the good feeding spots are taken by elders or snotty males with big wings and no brains. <scoffs> One of them asked me on a date with him the other day… he’s probably still bleeding.
Kepsla: <laughs. He always enjoyed Syndra’s stories>
Syndra: <snaps back> What are you laughing at belly dragger… it probably took you all day to climb that rock!
<Thor and even Rozzy laughed, but Kepsla ducked into his shell like he had been attacked>
Kepsla: <timidly> Sorry… I wasn’t trying to be mean.
Syndra: Hmph… <snicks her nose in the air>
Thor: <interrupts> Guys, we don’t got all bloody day so you’d best listen.
Rozzy: Right… <begins to draw lines in the sand> Just downstream of us are eggs – hundreds of them – and they are well guarded. Attempting to just walk up and take one is the same as walking up to a sharptooth spitting on his nose… a one way journey to the boneyard.
Kepsla: <pipes up> I saw a group of egg-stealers try to take a swimmer’s egg near the shore the other day… one of them didn’t make it back to the trees. <suddenly realizes what he’s talking about> It…wasn’t one of your siblings was it?
Rozzy: I hope so. <gets back on topic> So we are going to have to lure the parents away from their nests, as well as keeping the competition busy.
Syndra: <stops preening her feathers> And just how do you suppose we are going to do that?
Rozzy: A sharptooth attack.
<Instantly he was bombarded with questions, accusations, and doubts>
Syndra: <sarcastically> Oh so we’re just going to ask the first sharptooth we see if he could kindly attack the nesting grounds so we can make off with everyone’s eggs?
Thor: <looked doubtful> Yeah mate I’m not seeing the end to this…
Rozzy: Not a real one! <rolls his eyes> We’re going to fake one. <draws some more lines in the sand, outlining the nesting area> One of us is going to raise the alarm, get them on alert and instil them with fear.
<Everyone was now listening intently>
Rozzy: <points to a part on his makeshift map> All this sky water we have been having has filled the ground on the walls of the valley, making it ripe for a rockslide. <pauses to let his point sink in, but they still don’t know what he’s talking about so he continues> … One of us is going to trigger a rockslide at the moment the alarm is being raised and then run ahead of it, spreading the word that the sharpteeth are coming.
Thor: I see! So in all the chaos and crashing they will think it’s an attack and if they are already on the watch it will start a stampede…that’s right devious.
Rozzy: And while this is going on, the rest of us will move in and take what we can from the nests. Normally sharpteeth don’t go after the eggs, so the parents will think they are safe. It’s up to us … <stomps on his sand map> To prove them wrong.
<Where there was doubt and concern now there was enthusiasm. It was a brilliant plan in their minds>
Kepsla: <speaks up to Rozzy> So who’s doing what?
Rozzy: <looks over to his best friend> Thor and I will take advantage of the chaos and rob the nests.
Thor: Right. <nods his head>
Rozzy: Syndra, your going to trigger the rockslide and then fly ahead to warn everyone, or rather just scream at the top of your lungs that sharpteeth are coming.
Syndra: Oh I doubt that… <clearly she didn’t like doing things that required lots of effort> But it sounds fine as long as I eat afterwards.
Rozzy: Which leaves the final job, the initial warning. <looks at Kepsla with a go ahead look>
Kepsla: <ducks into his shell again> No no I can’t lie! It’s so wrong and hurtful and…
Rozzy: Listen… we need somebody who is small, innocent, and above all has nothing to gain by lying–supposedly. <adds on with amusement> You don’t eat eggs so they aren’t likely to suspect you of anything against them.
Kepsla: But it’s still lying… I could never forgive myself!
Rozzy: Think of it this way… we know for sure that there are sharpteeth out there somewhere in the world right?
Kepsla: <unsure> Yeah…
Rozzy: So you won’t be lying then… your just not telling the whole truth.
Kepsla: Well… <he doesn’t like it, but he relents> Okay fine, but I better get some awfully tasty sweet bubbles for this – of all different kinds!
Syndra: <glowers at Kepsla> Ha… give me your share of eggs and I’ll take care of that.
Rozzy: Excellent… now everyone get to your positions. Before the day is out we will be in for a delicious feast.
<Syndra takes off and Kepsla slides down the rock into the water>
Thor: With you all the way mate…
<And the two egg-stealers left too, making their way down to the edge of the clearing to put the plan in motion>
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Setting: The rocks glisten in the fresh sunlight at the top of the cliffs overlooking the Dawn Valley on what is one of the brightest days of the season. The bright circle hasn’t been out long enough to dry the ground out however, and it is dangerously unstable. So much so that a single prod could send it all tumbling down.
<Syndra glides in and lands on a rock with a good view of the valley, taking her time as she always does>
Syndra: <to herself> Pfff… a sharptooth attack! That land walker must be out of his mind if he thinks this is going to work…
<the rock where she was perched offered a commanding view of the valley and of the nesting grounds. Thanks to her keen sight she could see the river too, which was beneficial as she had been told to wait until she saw Kepsla spreading the word before triggering the rockslide. Patience is a virtue however, and it wasn’t one she possessed. She sits for a while, bored out of her mind, but then suddenly spots a flier in the sky, darting around as if he’s out of control>
Syndra: <not knowing what to make of it> What the?
Guido: <yelling excitedly> I’m flying, I’m finally flying again! Wahoo!
<the wind picks up, and all of a sudden he’s blowing through the air towards the rock face. He makes a hard landing in a pile of loose stones, scattering them about>
Guido: <Brushes himself off and rubs his head> Oww… that can’t be good for the nose. <taps the end of his face to make sure it’s still on right>
Syndra: <crosses her wings and calls down> Your pretty pathetic aren’t you?
Guido: <looks up and brushes his eyes> Am I seeing things… wh-who are you?
Syndra: <sticks her nose up> I should be asking you! After all you are in my roosting spot.
<Syndra was lying about that, but as far as she was concerned this stranger was trespassing in her personal space>
Guido: <vision is still a bit blurry, he rubs his eyes again> I’m Guido.
Syndra: <unimpressed> Guido?
Guido: <her image comes into focus> Hey, You look just like me! I thought I was the only one!
Syndra: <unsure what to say> Well… umm… surprise. <spreads her wings to demonstrate her majesty, without any enthusiasm>
Guido: And your… <gapes at her> …beautiful. <clearly he is entranced>
Syndra: <rolls her eyes, she’d been here before>
Guido: Would you…umm…ah…<stutters> want to fly with me? Because…
<Syndra glanced down at the river in irritation. Listening to Guido talk was like watching a flier crash and burn. Every sentence seemed to make his chances even worse as he messed up words and sometimes even insulted her accidentally. Thankfully this time she saw Kepsla, swimming quickly up the river and hollering to any drinking dinosaurs he saw. She could see some of them turning to flee while others went back to their nests to protect them. It was time to put her part of the plan in motion. She turned back to Guido who was still talking to her>
Syndra: <faking a smile> I’ll tell you what…
Guido: And we could sit together and watch the great circle go down and…huh? <startled at her change in tone>
<Syndra jumps down next to Guido, making it clear how much bigger then him she is, and leans to within an inch of his face. He gulps nervously as she speaks>
Syndra: If you do a little favour for me… <grins> I’ll give you a kiss.
<Guido couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t expected that things could go so good once he panicked and began to talk like he usually did when he was scared. Looking at her devious features though, he began to doubt that he was going to like what came next>
Guido: Umm…<slight laugh to hide his nervousness> what do you mean?
Syndra: <picks up a rock in her fingers> Oh nothing much… just a little bit of “earthmoving”.
…
<As Guido set about doing her bidding, pulling out rocks from the Cliffside, she sped off in a manner that was chosen so he wouldn’t see her. Just as she was out of his sight, a large rumble and thunderous cracking signalled his success>
Syndra: <laughing> That was too easy! <glances back> Hopefully that weirdo was buried on the way…
<Syndra continued to glide on ahead of the collapse, which was now picking up speed and tearing down trees causing birds and other fliers to flee. As soon as she was over the first of the nests she did her part and began to call out to the concerned dinosaurs down bellow>
Syndra: <calls over the roar of tumbling rocks and falling trees> SHARPTEETH!!! They are coming, run for your lives!
<Bellow, the dinosaurs nearest to the rockslide had heard the noises and shouting and bolted, needing no further warning. The nesting grounds then erupted into chaos as nearly every nested coupled obeyed their natural instincts to run away. Some tripped over each other and others accidentally trampled nests as they were pushed on from behind. The large male longneck, who was the leader of the herd, called out as loud as he could but it was lost in the combined thunderous roar. Unnoticed, two egg-stealers dashed onto the open grounds to take their fill in the empty void>
Rozzy: Quick Thor, grab one from each nest!
<Rozzy wasn’t worried at all, not that he had any reason to be. Everything had gone perfectly to plan so far>
Thor: Right! <obeys immediately>
Rozzy: <grabs an egg, and then stops to marvel at the carnage he created, a look of triumph adorning his face>
<The male longneck was clever and sharp and had noticed the lack of real danger right away but he could not raise the herd despite his best efforts. Sighing, his female companion rose from her nest where she had been laying and shouted at the top of her lungs>
Longneck: SILENCE!!!
<It was so loud and penetrating that nearly the entire herd turned to face her, stopping dead in their tracks. She then began to talk to them, to reason with them. This didn’t matter to Rozzy however, who had fixed his eyes on the most beautiful object he had ever seen. Underneath the mother longneck rested a single egg – an egg so large it was almost as big as he was>
Rozzy: <thinking> The ultimate prize… <licks his lips>
<And then as if on queue the birds came. Seeing a field full of unguarded nests they descended to feed>
Longneck: <calls out in alarm> Everyone…the nests!
<Rozzy right then realized that he was standing exposed in a sea of nests with an egg in his hands, which wasn’t a smart place to be when a bunch of angry mothers are running towards you with murder in their eyes. Without hesitation he bolted for the trees and escaped>
Thor: <calls out as he reaches the bush> This way mate…hurry!
<Rozzy left behind the field where the desperate parents they had just stolen from engaged the ravenous birds and other late-coming scavengers to preserve their future. He pushed ahead deeper into the woods just behind Thor>
Rozzy: <slowing down, he takes the time to look back to see if anyone was following him, which nobody was> Another perfectly executed plan.
<suddenly Rozzy is struck down by something his size and he falls heavily to the ground. The egg he had been holding rolls briefly before stopping in a sun beam that had penetrated the canopy like a light from the heavens.>
Rozzy: <stunned> What? …Thor are you there?
<A clawed hand descends and picks up his egg, bringing it out of the light. Rozzy’s eyes follow it until they meet a pair of cold yellow eyes eerily similar to his own>
Ozzy: <steps into the light and admires the egg, then turns to him> Going somewhere… <a cold shadow of contempt passes through him> …Son?
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Another great chapter! :DD Allow me to apologize in advance; I'm about to pummel you with questions and nitpicks. :p
I have the feeling that poor Guido's going to get in trouble. :rolleyes What's he doing so far from the Great Valley, anyway?
Are you going to do a character profile for Kepsla? (I really like him. :)) Good name, by the way; how'd you come up with it? (if you don't mind me asking)
I did notice a slight error early in the chapter you might want to address:
On top of a large, commanding with a full view of the water slightly bellow sit Rozzy and Thor.
A large, commanding what? (A hill, I'm assuming.) While I'm at it, "bellow" should be spelled "below," with one "L".
You also made what I felt was a slightly unusual word choice later on, just before Rozzy announces his plan:
Syndra: <stops pruning her feathers>
Don't you mean "preening"? I thought "pruning" meant trimming foliage (shrubs, trees, hedges, etc.).
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Errors fixed.
Kepsla comes from the root word Keeper, with a bit of a spin on it. It was Keepra to begin with but I didn't like it. His original role in the story was to store all the jewels and stones that Rozzy found but I took it out in favour of getting the story moving.
Also Guido is so far out from the valley because the wind blew him that way.
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Part IV:
Setting: The night has once more fallen on the Great Valley as the day completes its cycle. The grasses near the secret caverns sway back and forth as the wind moves to funnel away the last heat of the twilight. It is unusually cold for this time of year, as summer is moving in for what the dinosaurs call the “dry season”. Inside the cave, the gusts have no difficulty penetrating its walls and bringing misery to those who live there.
<Chomper shivers as the wind nips at him in his sleeping place. It had been nearly a month since the gang had returned to the valley but it still seemed like the shadow of their journey covered them. Their parents had barely let them out of their sight, and they were always supervised as they went to play. It was an indignity that made them all lose their vitality, as part of the fun of life was the adventure. Tonight however because of the cold Chomper just couldn’t sleep. Shivering, he looks over to where Ruby used to lay. He wasn’t sad anymore about what happened, but at this moment he also couldn’t help but miss her more then ever>
Chomper: <yawns and wanders over to the cave entrance to look at the stars> Mommy, Daddy… I know you're out there somewhere. Are you looking for me? If you are, where are you?
<As he expected, only the wind answered him>
Chomper: <sighing, he turns to go back inside but something catches his eye in the night sky> One foot away from the night circle… <he remembers, and puts up his foot to measure> … Hey, it’s Ruby’s star day!
<The realization was so powerful and vivid it brought back a memory from the time before him and Ruby left for the Great Valley>
…
Chomper: <smiles in anticipation> Ruby are you almost ready to go?
Ruby: <laughs> You know me… I’ll be ready when I’m ready.
<Ruby was busy washing in a small pond with the rest of her family. They enjoyed the water and spent as much time in it as they could when things got really hot>
Ruby’s Dad: <to one of her siblings> Calm down! There will be plenty of time for playing later. <gets splashed by both siblings at once> Hey! What did I say? <he laughs>
Ruby: <to her mom> I don’t want to go mommy, I’ll miss you all too much!
Ruby’s Mom: Remember what I told you dear… <holds both of her daughter’s hands> …the Great Valley is a place of harmony between different kinds and if you can learn how they live together… maybe one day we won’t have to run anymore.
<Ruby’s Mom could tell by the look on her daughter’s face that she didn’t believe her. Ruby was a smart child and she knew more things then her mom ever would, but she was also obedient which was needed now the most. Despite it’s necessity it hurt her to have to let go of her eldest child. Ruby meant the world to her, and always would>
Dad: <sees the distressed look of his daughter> The Great Valley is a wondrous place – I’m sure you will love it there. <smiles> Maybe you will find others of our kind and make some new friends.
Ruby: Daddy! <she hugs him one last time>
Mom: <her tone grows slightly more serious> Ruby… you must also remember that you are not a leaf eater like them – in order to fit in you must not eat any meat.
Ruby: <intimidated by the concept> But what about water swimmers, shell meats, and everything else I like to eat?
Mom: <grips her hands tighter in a caring gesture> I know it will take some time getting used to it but you must listen. Your father and I only want what’s best for you.
Ruby: <hugs her mom too> I already miss you… and I haven’t even left.
Dad: <adds importantly> Don’t forget… you must learn how the dinosaurs in the Great Valley work together.
Mom: That’s right Ruby… that knowledge could one day save us from–
Chomper: <interrupts> –Redclaw!
…
< A pang of sadness ran through Chomper as he remembered how nice Ruby’s family was to him after his parents left. He shivered to think how they would react when they found out what happened to her. Regardless of what the others said, she died saving him and while the shock and pain of what happened was gone the guilt of that fact would never leave him. All of a sudden he realized something important>
Chomper: Her family! Ruby’s mommy and daddy don’t know…
<Chomper debated on what to do next. On one hand it had been hard for them to accept him in their family to begin with, and if he told them that Ruby was dead they would never forgive him. His list of friends was small enough as it is. But on the other hand if he didn’t tell them nobody ever would, and they would never know the noble sacrifice their daughter made>
Chomper: <reaching his decision> I’ve got to tell them!
<At once, Chomper formed an idea of what he was going to do in his head. There were a lot of things involved including when he would leave and whether he was going to bring his friends with him>
Chomper: I can’t go with my friends… their parents are watching them all the time. <talking aloud to himself> I’ll have to go alone… this is my fault and I have to fix it!
<A victim of his eager nature, he left immediately and without telling his friends. So, as dawn began to break over the horizon he left once more for the mysterious beyond and all the dangers it beheld>
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<The next day the gang decided to go to climb the rocky heights at the edge of the Great Valley. Littlefoot, Ducky, Spike, Cera, and Petrie met at the riverbank along with Petrie’s Mom, who had agreed to watch them today. They were halfway there when one of them noticed that Chomper was absence>
Cera: Is it just me or are we missing someone? <looks around> Usually that somewhat is snapping at my tail about now.
Petrie: <frantic> Cera right! Chomper not here.
Ducky: <assuring him> Do not worry Petrie, he probably just has the sleepies.
Petrie’s Mom: That’s right Ducky… I’m sure the other young one will catch up.
<The gang minus Chomper spends the rest of the day climbing up and down the cliffs enjoying themselves. Mid-day they went down to the river for a drink and a bath. Soon the great circle began to dip low in the sky, signalling its time for everyone to go home>
Petrie: <calls out as he flies away> Me go home with mommy…soon it be too dark to fly at all!
Ducky: <waves> Bye Petrie…
Littlefoot: See you tomorrow!
Cera: Gotta like how Chomper blew us off today… sometimes I think he doesn’t belong with us here in the valley. He’s too different.
<Cera looks to Littlefoot to rebuke her, but strangely it doesn’t happen. Littlefoot just half-nods as if his attention is else ware and turns away>
Cera: <to Littlefoot> What’s wrong with you? Usually you would be like… <mimics Littlefoot> “Chomper’s our friend Cera and he’s a nice sharptooth blah blah blah…”
Littlefoot: <plainly> Well…maybe he doesn’t belong with us.
Cera: That doesn’t sound like the Littlefoot I know…
Littlefoot: <angry> Why is it suddenly my fault he’s not here?
Cera: I didn’t say…
Littlefoot: I’m tired of being responsible for what everybody does around here! Every time something goes wrong I’m the one who gets in trouble…
Cera: Well you did her let go…
<It slipped out before Cera could stop it. She didn’t intend to say it but she knew it was too late. The sharptooth had been released>
Littlefoot: <infuriated> I don’t wanna hear it Cera! Your telling me how I’m wrong and your right! You want to lead? Fine. I never asked for any of this anyway. You can go explain to our parents how it was your fault Ruby died!
Ducky: <gasps> Littlefoot…
Littlefoot: <yelling> I’m done! <turns his back on them> And I’m going home before I get in anymore trouble.
<Littlefoot turns and walks away leaving Cera standing there wondering what happened. One minute they were friends and now they were fighting again. She could only drive herself to be mad at Littlefoot, and just as he had gone a few steps away she called after him>
Cera: Stubborn longneck!
<Littlefoot stops for a moment, but then thinks better of responding and continues to walk>
Ducky: Cera… I think you made him mad, you did.
Cera: Well he deserved it!
Ducky: <just looks at the ground, ashamed at having to watch what just happened>
Cera: He doesn’t even care that Chomper is missing either…
Ducky: Oh Cera what should we do?
Cera: <wanders about for a bit, thinking> Well… we should check the secret caverns at least. If he’s not there then… umm…we’ll just have to go looking for him! <satisfied>
Ducky: <looks slightly happier> I agree, I do, but we should hurry before the bright circle disappears over the mountains or it will be too dark to see!
<On that note Cera, Ducky and Spike depart off in the direction of the secret caverns in hopes of discovering what happened to their missing Sharptooth>
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Setting: The secret caverns looked scary in the dusk as Cera, Ducky, and Spike approached the entrance. The clouds glowed a reddish hue as the last sun beams of the day passed through the sky and reflected off their surface. The wind was non-existent as if to leave a latent sense of foreboding in the air>
<As the three went inside the cave Ducky began to call out>
Ducky: <hands in a cone around her mouth> Chomper! Chomper, are you in here?
Spike: <groans along with Ducky but doesn’t say any actual words>
Cera: <looks around, making sure to take in the whole cave> Well it doesn’t look like he’s here…
Ducky: <concerned> What do we do now Cera?
Cera: <not sure what to do next> Umm… <Littlefoot was good at this sort of thing but unfortunately she wasn’t>
Ducky: <looks around again, then adds in fear> … Cera?
<suddenly a small squeaky voice comes from the other end of the cave>
Skip: Hey! I heard you were looking for your friend. I can help. <his voice was rushing along as if he was thinking at a mile a minute> I know him and I know you I’ve seen you before.
Cera: <confused> Huh?
Ducky: <recognises him> Hey, it’s Skip! <sees Cera’s inquiring look> Oh… he helped us reach hanging rock last rainy season, he did.
Skip: Yep, if it’s here I know where! <he bolts up to Cera to introduce himself, but she jumps back in surprise. He holds out his hand> Skip’s the name and the Mysterious Beyond is my game.
Cera: Then what are you doing here? <annoyed> In case you haven’t noticed this is in the Great Valley…
Ducky: It’s nice to see you again Skip, it is. <she remembers why she was in the cave> Oh have you seen a little friendly sharptooth anywhere? We have been looking all over for him, we have!
Skip: <thinks for a moment> From what I saw he left yesterday, very quickly. I followed him to help him know the way, but you know we got separated.
Cera: What!?! He just left?
Ducky: Skip, did you see where he goned-ed to?
Skip: I think so, come with me! <waves them onward>
Cera: <mumbling to herself> This better be worth it…
<Rushing to find their friend, Cera, Ducky, and Spike followed Skip through the secret caverns. Cera lends a thought to what her father would think about her not coming home tonight but it quickly passes – he wasn’t the boss of her and she could do what she wanted. Besides, this adventure was more thrilling then any one she had been on before, because this time she was in charge and it felt good to finally be leading the way>
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Setting: The clearing in the Great Valley where the Longnecks nest and sleep at night.
<Littlefoot settled into his bed in a fuss. He was still angry about what had happened earlier that day and couldn’t help but repeat the incident in his head over and over again. It wasn’t fair that the parents in the valley blamed him for what happened, and the stress of it just built up until he snapped, taking out his anger on his friends.>
Grandma Longneck: <walking over> Is something bothering you my Littlefoot?
Littlefoot: <looks up> Oh… it’s nothing.
Grandma: <smiles> Come now… if that is true then you wouldn’t have been home so early. If it’s something I can help you with you can tell me.
Littlefoot: <sighs> Well… it’s just that everyone blames me for something that wasn’t my fault.
Grandma: I see. <Looks up to the night sky, the wizened wrinkles on the side of her face revealed by the moonlight> There are things under the great circles that we can change and others we cannot. <brushes her nose against Littlefoot to comfort him> But the others certainly don’t blame you. They are covering up their own distress and misgivings by acting out inappropriately. It’s never easy to lose a young one even if it’s not your own.
Littlefoot: <looking at the ground in shame and drawing in the dirt> I don’t understand Grandma.
Grandma: <smiles reassuringly > You will someday Littlefoot… it comes to you as you grow up. Now, I’m sure your friends are very worried about you.
Littlefoot: Yeah… <secretly he felt bad for his earlier outburst and he wanted to apologize. There was only one problem> But it’s too late for me to go now… I’ll have to go tomorrow.
Grandma: <seeing his distress> If it’s bothering you Littlefoot then you can go whenever you like.
Littlefoot: So I can go now? <excitedly>
Grandma: <nods> I won’t tell.
Littlefoot: <gets up and runs to the edge of the clearing, then turns back to his grandma> Don’t worry… I’ll be back.
Grandma: I know you will my Littlefoot… <whispers to herself> I know you will.
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Awesome chapter! A great example of how a chapter can be excellent without any action scenes whatsoever. I love how you expanded upon the flashback from "The Star Day Celebration," and how it looks like we'll be seeing the gang (some of them, anyway) going on another adventure without Littlefoot (not that I have anything against Littlefoot, but I find the change in leadership refreshing :p). Also, Cera's lineó
Cera: Is it just me or are we missing someone? <looks around> Usually that somewhat is snapping at my tail about now.
óhilarious! :lol (Ohóholy buckets! I just noticed now that that "somewhat" should probably be "someone"! :blink:)
Well, I guess it's time for my obligatory nitpicking of the chapter: :p
The night has once more fallen on the Great Valley as the day completes it’s cycle.
I know your out there somewhere.
The underlined words should be "its" and "you're," respectively.
<The realization was so powerful and vivid it reminded him of a memory he once had, back before him and Ruby left before the Great Valley>
Might I suggest rewording that to:
<The realization was so powerful and vivid it brought back a memory, from before he and Ruby left for the Great Valley>
I could point out and explain the errors, but I thought that offering an edited version of the sentence would be quicker and more helpful.
Cera: Well you did her let go…
I think you might be missing a word there. ("Cera: Well you did let her let go…"?)
Also, hasn't Cera already been acquainted with Skip? (She, Petrie, and Littlefoot were all there at the end of "Return to Hanging Rock" when ) You needn't change the scene much; maybe just add an extra line like:
Cera: <rolls eyes> Yes, I remember you. What are you doing here? <annoyed> In case you haven’t noticed this is in the Great Valley…
I would also suggest changing Ducky's line from "Hey, it's Skip!" to "Hey, it is Skip!" to be more in keeping with her manner of speaking.
Finally, (this is more of a stylistic suggestion, and as such I'm a little hesitant to mention it), but don't you think it would be more likely that the dinosaurs would say "wet time" and "dry time" ("wet" as opposed to "rainy," seeing as they refer to rain as "skywater"), in line with how they use "cold time" to refer to winter?
EDIT: Sorry about the long list of criticisms. I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries as a reviewer by making suggestions as to how parts of the story could be alternatively written.
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EDIT: Sorry about the long list of criticisms. I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries as a reviewer by making suggestions as to how parts of the story could be alternatively written.
Perfectly acceptable. I write the stories on paper and then copy them onto the website at night so sometimes I rush it when my fingers start to hurt :x
Overall Act II Part IV is the most boring chapter in the entire story up to this point, at least in my opinion.
EDIT: The inquiring look Cera gives to Ducky more implies why is she talking to him as opposed to who is he. At no point does Cera say that she doesn't know Skip, though he assumes they haven't properly met and introduces himself anyways.
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New Character Info:
Syndra is one of four sisters who are living separately in the Dawn Valley. Their parents left when they were barely old enough to flap their wings and never came back. She is a microraptor gui, however her and her sisters are much bigger then usual for their kind due to a combination of both their land of origin and big bones making them nearly a separate sub-species. Microraptors are typically easy going and forgetful creatures, but Syndra is the exact opposite. From the moment of her birth she was bossy and rude and much like Cera in the first Land Before Time she has yet to find where her heart truly lies. She has no friends to guide her and while that suited her as a hatchling she now finds herself somewhat lonely and bitter at the hand the world has dealt her. She learned to deal with it… so others will have to learn to deal with her – at least that’s how Syndra sees it.
Part V:
Setting: Petrie’s family nest. This location sits on a cliff overlooking what is usually a dry riverbed but today is a flowing river thanks to the passing rainy season. A large rock hangs over the nest protecting it from the small pattering drops of rain which now lightly trickle from the sky.
<The nest was quiet as Petrie and his mom approached from the sky. Petrie’s siblings were asleep so his mother shushed him to be silent. They both settled into sleep but something was bothering Petrie>
Petrie: Mommy… Guido not here again!
Mom: <comforts him> You know how he is… he stays by day and leaves in the night. I’m sure he’ll find his way back eventually.
Petrie: But he never gone this long… only when we move nest and he get lost.
Mom: Don’t worry about it dear, he’ll be fine.
<Petrie couldn’t sleep that night. He tossed and turned because he couldn’t get comfortable. Finally in the middle of the night he was awoken by a heavy object landing on top of him>
Petrie: <snaps awake> Oww… that hurt!
Guido: Oh… sorry Petrie <laughs> I didn’t see you there.
Petrie: Guido you back! But, where you go? <questioningly>
Guido: <brings his hands together> I found the most stunningly beautiful creature I’ve ever seen!
Petrie: <thinks about similar things he’s seen like flowers and butterflies> Oh… but that not worth waking up Petrie in the middle of the night! <yawns>
Guido: But Petrie, she looked just like me! <spreads his wings in joy> I’m not one of a kind anymore! <suddenly his tone turns sad> But ah… I turned around and she was gone. I’ll probably never find her again.
Petrie: <reminded of his sleeping stick> Whenever me want to find something me go looking for it.
Guido: <determined> Your right Petrie! <stands up to the edge of the nest> I’ll find her if I have to go all the way to end of the Mysterious Beyond. <turns nervous again as he gets ahead of himself> … maybe not that far.
Petrie: <yawns> Can it wait till circle rise? Me tired.
Guido: <back to his usual frightfulness> Yeah… <quick laugh> you got it Petrie.
<Now that his friend was back Petrie slept better. Guido didn’t sleep at all. He was quite a bit older then Petrie and had never known the emotion of love before. It passed through him like a crack of sky fury and refused to leave – he couldn’t stop thinking about her. When she brought her face close to his and promised him a kiss. It was probably better that Guido didn’t sleep as when he finally closed his eyes after a few hours his body and mind were too tired to sleep fly>
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Setting: The mysterious beyond a fair distance from the valley. Despite all the rain that has fallen elseware it is as dry and arid as ever. Breaking the dry, mountainous terrain are pools of bubbling tar seeping up amongst the bones of those long past. To Chomper this place is only slightly familiar but on these very high cliffs a long time ago the egg he would hatch from was laid.
<Chomper moved about cautiously, motivated to do so by the morbidity of his surroundings. Once more the mysterious beyond was proving to be a lot bigger place then he remembered, and now that Skip was gone he had nobody to guide him. Hearing the sound of falling rocks, Chomper turns abruptly toward it>
Chomper: Hello? Is anyone there?
<nothing>
Chomper: Hmm … <moves on> I guess it’s just me.
<Chomper smelt his attacker before he saw or heard him. He dove under a nearby rock seconds before Thudd landed where he had been. Enraged at missing his meal, Thudd snapped at the gap in the rock. It proved to be too small an opening to get through, and Chomper was far underneath>
Thudd: <backs up from the hole> Lucky little biter… <with contempt>
Chomper: Thudd? <recognizes him> I saved you on the rock we were supposed to be friends!
Thudd: <scoffs> There’s no room for friends on an empty stomach…only food. <bares his teeth>
Chomper: <looks around but finds no escape> Hey wait a minute… where’s Screech and Redclaw? Your alone.
Thudd: <turns away in an attempt to conceal the merest hint of grief showing on his face, but Chomper catches it just in time>
Chomper: Oh… What happened?
Thudd: <renews his attempts to break under the rock> None of your business little biter! My brother was prey to he that is no longer my master.
Chomper: So Redclaw ATE Screech? <strangely it wasn’t a very relieving thought, Redclaw truly was evil>
Thudd: <stops chopping at the rock, realizing it’s a waste of time> You win this time… but next time I catch you it will be your last.
<Thudd turns to leave>
Chomper: <sadly> So that means you have… nobody.
Thudd: <wheels around and snarls at Chomper> … So?
Chomper: We can still be friends you know… after all, both of us are alone and two sniffers are better then one! <points to his nose and smiles>
Thudd: <glares at Chomper a moment> Consider yourself fortunate that I let you go this time. My old master has new pets who aren’t so nice. <and with that he left, leaving Chomper alone again>
Chomper: <to himself> I don’t know why he’s acting like this… if only he knew what it was like to have friends he wouldn’t have to be so mean!
<Chomper quietly poked out from under the rock, sniffing the air for any sign that Thudd might be waiting for him. Satisfied that the sharptooth is in fact gone, Chomper looks up at the Great circle and yawns>
Chomper: Man, I’m tired!
<Since he left in the middle of the night he hadn’t slept for almost half a day. Chomper slides back under the rock where it is cool and nods off to sleep>
…
<It is still the day when Chomper awakes. He yawns, revealing rows of small sharp teeth, and stretches. It was odd getting up in the middle of the day… he felt like his personal clock was off time. As soon as the world comes into focus he hears voices outside, and they sounded familiar>
Ducky: <in the distance> Chomper! Chomper where are you?
Cera: <also yelling> Chomper!
Chomper: It’s Ducky and Cera! <skitters out from under the rock and yells back> Guys… I’m up here!
<For a moment he wasn’t sure if they heard him or not but soon he saw them making their way through the bone yard, heading towards him. Surprisingly Ducky reached him first>
Ducky: <gasping for breath> Oh Chomper… we looked-did for you all day… we did. Why did you go?
Chomper: <apoligises> Sorry Ducky, but I had to do this alone.
Cera: <angry> Do what alone? We’re supposed to be your friends and you didn’t even bother telling us you left!
Chomper: <eager to get on his way> Yeah I know but it was important, I have to go now or I might never find them.
Cera: <she was so mad her glare probably would have boiled metal> FIND WHO!?!
Chomper: Ruby’s mommy and daddy, they don’t know what happened.
Cera: Well you… huh?
Chomper: <rubs his arm while he looks down> Nobody is around to tell them… I have to do it.
<Cera was speechless. Chomper did have a good reason to go, and he probably left them behind because of how he knew they would get in trouble if they went with him. After a moment Cera works up an answer>
Cera: <sighs> Fine… but now that we’re all here we might as well go together.
Ducky: I agree… I do.
Chomper: Then come on… <beckons them to follow> Secluded canyon is just up this way! <they don’t follow> …I said come on we have to go! … <nothing> Umm guys?
<Ducky, Cera and Spike were all staring over his shoulder, their eyes wide in horror>
Chomper: … What’s wrong?
Cera: <turning pale with terror> L-look behind you!
<Chomper turns around hesitantly and comes face to face with probably the scariest group of fast biters he had ever seen. They had prowled around behind him and now covered both their path of escape and the surrounding cliffs. Their skin was jet black and their eyes were a molten red, the kind that Chomper had never seen before. These must be Redclaw’s new minions>
Ducky: <stuttering> sh-sh-sharpteeth! <screams>
Chomper: Uh oh…
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<Littlefoot ran on with purpose he hadn’t felt for a long time. In the night he had visited Chomper’s cave and found it empty. What he did find though was footprints in the muddy ground, which he followed all through the cave until he reached the exit in the mysterious beyond. He didn’t know about this one…they would have to seal it to keep sharpteeth from getting in here. Surprisingly, there was someone waiting for him there that he barely recognised>
Skip: <looking exhausted> Hey… your Littlefoot right?
Littlefoot: <responds quickly> Yeah… but I’m kind of in a hurry, you wouldn’t happen to of seen a threehorn, a swimmer, and a spiketail come this way?
Skip: <points back the way he came> They went that way my friend. <crawls into the cool cave and curls up, yawning> … you know there’s so many of you out there I wouldn’t be surprised if you get jumped by sharpteeth.
<Skip opens one eye ball and sees that Littlefoot was already gone… he hadn’t bothered to say goodbye. To tired to care, he falls asleep>
…
<Far ahead Littlefoot heard the cries of his friends. He rushed along until he reached the edge of a wide ravine, which unfortunately made the situation worse. Trapped below were Ducky, Cera, Spike and Chomper and they were surrounded by vicious looking Sharpteeth covering every escape. They were certainly doomed>
Littlefoot: <yells down> Hang on I’m coming. <he is unsure if they heard him or not>
<Suddenly a pair of feet land softly right behind him. Surprised and frightened Littlefoot cried out>
Ruby’s Dad: <gives a silencing gesture> Quiet… if you want your friends to live you will do exactly as I say little one.
Littlefoot: <nods his head – it wasn’t like he had a choice>
…
<Ducky, Chomper, Spike and Cera were all backed into a corner. There was nowhere to go>
Ducky: <scared, turns to Cera> What do we do Cera?
Cera: <shaking, cries out> I don’t KNOW! <hides in her hands>
<The lead fast-biter stepped forward with it’s jaws open and teeth bared. As the leader of the pack she would make the first kill – the only dilemma now was which one to choose. The spiketail in the front looked plump and juicy. She licked her lips. Suddenly a rock whirls through the air and hits her flank, causing her to hiss in pain. Whirling to face her attacker, who was positioned in line with the sun to block her vision, she snarls in outrage>
Ruby’s Dad: Why not pick on someone your own size Blackray?
< Blackray squinted through the sunlight and saw the outline of her enemy. Without hesitation she ordered the other four members of her pack to attack. Behind them in the direction the gang was headed Littlefoot called out>
Littlefoot: Over here… he’s keeping them busy for us!
<They didn’t need to be told twice. Siezing the opportunity Duck and Spike ran towards Littlefoot and escape, but Chomper stayed behind>
Chomper: Wait! We can’t just leave him!
Cera: <annoyed> Why not?
Chomper: That’s Ruby’s dad!
Cera: <surprised> That’s Ruby’s dad!?! <As she watched him grab a fast biter by the jaws and flip him into the tar pool, and then duck just in time to dodge a claw to the neck, she wondered how in the world he could be related to the shy and diplomatic friend they used to have. But then maybe she wasn’t so different… a quick kick to the face knocked out another one of the fast-biters>
Chomper: <runs towards the fight> We’ve got to help him!
Cera: In your sleep stories… I’m not getting eaten. <turns to go to Littlefoot, but he comes to her. Unfortunately it consisted of him knocking her over as he rushed by to help Chomper>
Ruby’s Dad: No! Run away while you still can!
<In a moment’s distraction he doesn’t notice Blackray sneaking up behind him. In one leap the fast biter pounces on him and sinks her teeth into his hindquarters. He cries out in pain and begins to struggle. The other two close in on him. One of them goes for his neck right away, but he grabs its jaws and holds it back. The last one prepares to slash open his exposed side>
Chomper: <jumps up and chomps on it’s tail>
<The sharptooth hisses in pain and thrashes about in an attempt to shake the tiny biter off him>
Littlefoot: Take this! <charges in and sweeps out it’s legs, causing it to crash to the ground>
<Ruby’s Dad takes advantage of the moment and tosses the sharptooth in his hands aside. He whirls around and elbows Blackray in the lower jaw causing her to release her grip, stunned. Disillusioned and numb in her face bones she growled to the others to retreat. This fight wasn’t going well and they were losing. She promptly turned and fled, clipping rocks as she stumbled and tried to regain her balance as she ran. The other three got up and sprinted after her, ending the fight. The tar pool bubbled where one of their number had drowned>
Cera: <snorting> That’s right, you better run! <grins at Mr. Fastrunner, who isn’t amused>
Ruby’s Dad: <angry> What do you kids think your doing out here? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is!?! <he talked with his hands as well as his mouth, using similar body language to his daughter. Nobody else they knew did that>
Chomper: <ignores him> Hey Mr. Fastrunner it’s me Chomper!
Ruby’s Dad: <astonished> Chomper? … then you all must be Ruby’s friends from the Great Valley.
Ducky: <pipes up> Yep, yep, yep we are!
<A fearsome roar blares out far in the distance, signifying that Redclaw has learned about their whereabouts from his minions. Chomper and Ruby’s Dad knew what it meant and glanced quickly at the source. The others ignored it because it happened so much in the Mysterious Beyond they had gotten used to strange sounds. Redclaw was on his way>
Littlefoot: Thanks for saving us Mr. Fastrunner… I’m Littlefoot, a longneck <points to Cera> and this is Cera, a threehorn.
Ruby’s Dad: <maturely> Nice to meet you both, but now isn’t the time to stay and chat. We’d best hurry along…. <all of a sudden he notices how they all look away from him, as if hiding something> …Where is my daughter?
<Nobody stepped up to answer>
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Excellent chapter, as usual. (I've gotta come up with a fresh way of opening these reviews. :rolleyes) The new character info is much appreciated! :yes
Glad to find out that Guido didn't get hurt in the rockslide (or get in trouble for causing it :p). I also liked your explanation that Guido sleeps in Petrie's family's nest at night, but leaves during the day to do...who knows what. :p
I'm not surprised Thud abandoned his pact with Red Claw. (I'm going to hold off on my speculation of what role he's going to play in the fanfic, now that he's dropped his allegiances with the main villain.) Though it looks like the gang's going to have more trouble with Red Claw than ever, seeing as he's got new fast biters working for him now, and more of them. :o
It's also great to see a member of Ruby's family show up again. I've always liked them. :yes (You know, somehow I completely forgot that other than Ducky and Spike, none of the gang of five has seen Ruby's parents before! :blink:)
I must also commend you for managing a feat few other fanfiction writers have (though this should not constitute any lack of authorial ability on their part ;)): As a rule, I tend to be more or less emotionally numb when it comes to reading (apart from the feeling of anticipation I get from a really exciting or interesting story); but the concluding scene of this latest chapter excited a definite pang of emotion from me. It was brief, and I'm not sure if I can properly describe it (anxiety with a frosting of sadness is about the best I can come up with), but it's very rare for me to feel this way while reading anything, so I felt it was worth sharing.
Constructive criticism time! :p
It passed through him like a crack of sky fury and refused to leave
Don't you mean sky fire? Or did you deliberately write "sky fury" as your own LBT term?
Setting: The mysterious beyond a fair distance from the valley. Despite all the rain that has fallen elseware it is as dry and arid as ever. Breaking the dry, mountainous terrain are pools of bubbling tar seeping up amongst the bones of those long past. To Chomper this place is only slightly familiar but on these very high cliffs a long time ago the egg he would hatch from was laid.
I underlined the parts I thought needed adjusting. (I think you should capitalize "mysterious beyond," like you did in Act 1, Part 1.) Here's my suggestion for the revised sentence:
Setting: The Mysterious Beyond, a fair distance from the valley. Despite all the rain that has fallen elsewhere it is as dry and arid as ever. Breaking the dry, mountainous terrain are pools of bubbling tar seeping up amongst the bones of those long past. To Chomper this place is only slightly familiar but on these very high cliffs a long time ago the egg he hatched from was laid.
Here's another one:
Siezing the opportunity Duck and Spike ran towards Littlefoot and escape
Edited version:
Seizing the opportunity Ducky and Spike ran towards Littlefoot and escaped
I'm now more eager for the next chapter than ever. :yes (No pressure, mind you! ;)) By the way, I noticed that you still haven't edited the last chapter yet (though I now understand the scene with Cera and Skip, thanks to your explanation).
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New Character Info:
Kepsla is a sea turtle who was brought up with high esteem and values. His parents got unlucky the year he was born, and he was the only hatchling to make it from the beach to the sea of his entire clutch. He doesn’t remember this of course, but because of this his mom and dad have put all of their time into raising him so he doesn’t relate well with others his age. His parents are isolationist, believing that what happens in the sea stays in the sea and what happens on land is none of their business. Purely, this is the reason why Kepsla got in with Rozzy and Thor because they brought the adventure that his ordinary life lacked, not to mention they gave him food that no others of his kind could get. In his eyes, it’s a winning situation though he doesn’t like to break the morals that his parents taught him in the process.
The moment Blackray opened her eyes as a fast-biter hatchling she witnessed her mother murdering her father. Her mother killed him because he couldn’t provide food for her clutch, so she reasoned that as punishment he would feed them with his own flesh. Growing up her mind and stomach were hardened by starvation and thirst, and when she had her first children she similarly executed her mate in his sleep because that is how she believed the world worked – the male always fed the nest. Now her pack consists of only her own children, for they will never betray her. To the males that don’t know her she is a choice prize, but to the rest of the mysterious beyond in the know she is a psychotic cannibal who respects none but those who hatch from her own.
Part VI:
Setting: The dense jungle next to the nesting grounds in the Dawn Valley.
<As Rozzy sat face to face with his father waves of hatred and resentment washed over him. Often the two of them were away from the den on their own business, so they rarely saw each other let alone spoke. This was one of the reasons Rozzy hated his father – he didn’t even know him. Ozzy only ever cared for himself>
Rozzy: <rises from the dirt> That egg is mine… give it back to me or I’ll take it.
Ozzy: <raises an eye brow> Yours? … <he laughs uncaringly> Finders keepers is it boy? You’ve grown up to be quite the little thief.
Rozzy: No thanks to you! <glares at him> … Now give it back to me or else!
<As if to break the tension Strut shuffles in through the bushes and turns to Ozzy>
Strut: <whining> Ozzy…why’d ya have to run so fast? The branches were hitting me in the nose! <rubs the end of his face>
<Wishing to preserve the precious father/son moment a little longer, Ozzy releases the branch he had bent to get in. It snapped back and knocked Strut into the bush>
Ozzy: Now where were we? <remembers their conversation> Ah yes… thank you for getting this and saving me the trouble. <Opens his mouth to take a bite>
<Rozzy springs forward and rather then trying to snatch the egg, as his father was expecting, he ducked under and pushed it into Ozzy’s face. Egg juice splattered everywhere. In rage, his father retaliated and kicked him hard in the chest, knocking him back onto the ground. A swift leap later and Ozzy was on top of him holding him down with a grotesquely taloned foot, the razor sharp claws millimetres from his exposed throat>
Ozzy: <yelling> Ungrateful little runt! I spent a dozen seasons of my life finding food to stuff down your miserable, squeeling mouth and this is how you repay me? <fuming>
Strut: <speaking quietly> Are you sure this is right Ozzy? I mean it’s stealing from your own kid…
Ozzy: <turns on him> Did I ask your opinion you leaf gobbling whiner?
Strut: Well… umm… no I suppose you didn’t <laughs nervously, hoping that Ozzy won’t hit him again>
Ozzy: <switches back to his son> If you try that again… <tightens his grip causing Rozzy to choke> You won’t be returning to the den… or anywhere else. <releases his grip>
<Rozzy glares after his father with pure hate as Ozzy and Strut leave, letting the partially smashed egg rot on the ground. He hesitates for a moment, not sure what to do. He rubbed the skin around his neck to make sure it wasn’t bleeding, before whisking off into the bush to follow Thor>
…
<Thor, Syndra and Kepsla gathered in the clearing where they had met the morning before. Waiting for Rozzy to return, it was clear that everyone was impatient to divide up the loot>
Kepsla: <eagerly> Syndra, what did you get me?
Syndra: <brushes him off> You’ll find out soon enough…
Kepsla: I can’t wait! Tell me now … please, please, please! <smiles>
Syndra: <glares at him> You know seafood isn’t off the menu right?
Kepsla: Eeek! <retreats back into his shell>
<Thor was slightly worried. It wasn’t like Rozzy to lag behind so much, especially when the best part of the plan was yet undone… the part where they eat. His fears were allieviated when Rozzy finally burst through the bushes, covered in cuts and bruises>
Thor: <concerned> Are you alright mate?
Rozzy: <angrily> Do I look alright?
Syndra: <laughs> Looks like somebody got caught…
<Rozzy gave Syndra a look that clearly said, “I’d shut up if I were you”. She answered by sticking up her nose and turning away. It wasn’t worth her time to argue over something so pointless>
Rozzy: <spitefully> My father jumped me and stole the egg… <before adding> So I didn’t get anything.
Thor: No worries mate, I got it covered.
<Rozzy looks up and notices the eggs that Thor had brought back. Impressively there was no less then seven of them. He couldn’t help but admire Thor, he was such a good right hand and without him none of them would be eating>
Rozzy: Good. <finishes counting them up> Which means three of us get two and somebody gets only one. <takes the bullet> And since I lost mine… it looks like it’s me.
Kepsla: <to Syndra> Can I have them now, can I?
Syndra: Knock yourself out… <tosses him a bunch of berries and fruits that she had picked on her way down from the mountain. True to her word, they were of many different types. She had made sure to strip them of any bugs or insects too, just to hold her until the real feast>
Kepsla: <eyes wide> Oh thanks a lot Syndra!
Syndra: Umm…yeah you’re welcome. <she was used to dealing with attitude, so praise was a new thing. She didn’t know how to react, it was too weird>
<So the eggs were divided up evenly. Thor ended up with two, Rozzy with the one, and Syndra with her two plus Kepsla’s share making a total of four. It was obvious that Syndra got the lion’s share, yet she wasn’t satisfied. Something just didn’t feel right about it – taking so many of them when she didn’t do that much at all. Thor happily gorged the moment he got his, and was now digging into the yolk. Rozzy just sat there and started at his egg as though his mind was else where. Kepsla was covered in berry juice as he insisted on taking a bite of every single one instead of taking it one at a time. Syndra had kind of began to think of them as friends – something she had never really had. Maybe it was time to do something nice for a change>
Syndra: <grabs one of her eggs and rolls it over to Rozzy>
<The egg hobbles along the rough ground and taps Rozzy’s foot as it comes to a halt. Mildly surprised, he looks at her with a blank expression>
Syndra: <sincerely> Take it… I wouldn’t be able to carry it home anyway.
<Rozzy smiled gently before returning to his thoughts. Maybe Syndra wasn’t so bad either>
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Setting: A mountainside just east of the tar pools. Unlike the lowlands the rain has hit this area just enough for green plants to rise from the soil and grow. Refracted beams of light shine a reddish glow over the entire landscape as the coming twilight beckons the gang onward.
<Littlefoot and the rest followed in behind Ruby’s Dad as he led them through the pass to his family’s current home. Mr. Fastrunner was much faster then they were but he made sure to stop at regular intervals so they could catch up. He ushered them ahead>
Ruby’s Dad: It’s just over the rise… this way.
<To Littlefoot’s surprise he was taking the news of his daughter’s fate very well. It could be that he was good at hiding his emotions, or that he was simply refusing to give into grief while they were still in danger. Littlefoot found himself admiring him for this>
Cera: <brashly, in her usual manner> How much farther can it be, we’ve been walking all day!
Ducky: We are almost there, we are. We came this way when we went to Hanging Rock!
Chomper: <changing the subject> Hey, where’s Petrie?
Cera: Oh who knows… <the others glare at her> Okay okay I forgot to tell him but I’m sure he’s fine.
Ducky: He will not be happy we left him at home…oh no, no, no.
…
<The gang had finally arrived at their destination – a large lake inside of the crater at the top of the mountain. Ahead, Ruby’s Mom along with her two children were sitting watching the sun go down. As soon as her mate approached she noticed his injuries, and the feathers on the back of her neck rise in fear>
Ruby’s Mom: <alarmed> Oh Cassius your hurt!
Ruby’s Dad: It’s nothing dear… <moves aside> These are Ruby’s friends from the Great Valley.
<the gang smiles as politely as they can>
Ruby’s Mom: But why are they here? Where is she?
Ruby’s Dad: <sadly> He got her Florienne.
<Ruby’s Mom puts her hands over her mouth as tears begin to form in her eyelids. Cassius rushes forward to comfort her. She starts crying>
Littlefoot: But… <he hadn’t explained what happened on that rocky cliff yet. Ruby’s Dad must have assumed that Redclaw had eaten her, but it wasn’t true. Littlefoot stopped himself from correcting him however because it didn’t change anything – their friend was still gone. Even though Ruby had only been with them a short time she had made a very big impression. Littlefoot had begun to feel she belonged with them. He remembered how long it had taken him to get over his mother’s passing – over a year. Now it seemed it would be the same for their friend>
…
<That night, Littlefoot tossed and turned from an assortment of horrible nightmares like he had never had before. He dreamt that Ruby was his mother and she was about to fall to her death. He was too small to help, and powerless to stop it she plunged until she was gone from his sight into the blackness below. He screamed, and woke with a start to find the land bathed in the blackness of night. It took him a few minutes to find his bearings and realize it wasn’t real. As his eyes adjusted to the waking world he saw the moon shining bright and full – tinting the surface of the lake and providing a good amount of visibility.
Littlefoot: <yawns and rises to his feet>
<Littlefoot wanders down to the lake and takes a drink, using his tongue to lap up gulps of water to wash down the images in his head. The water was dead calm, and the ripples travelled along its entire length>
Ruby’s Dad: It’s beautiful isn’t it?
<Littlefoot looks up, surprised to see he is not alone. Ruby’s father, recently revealed to be named Cassius, wasn’t looking at him but across the water to the other side of the lake>
Cassius: <continues> Sometimes I think we must have come from the water… at one time or another. We depend on it so much for everything, wouldn’t you agree?
Littlefoot: <gulps down a mouthful of water> Listen, I’m sorry about–
Cassius: <puts up his hand> Don’t be. Me and Florienne had prepared ourselves for this day… though we hoped that it would never come.
Littlefoot: What do you mean?
Cassius: <ignores him> You go by many names in the Mysterious Beyond Littlefoot, the sharpteeth here talk of you as a vessel – a beholder of a spirit far greater than any single one of us possesses. Such respect is rare, especially among our enemies.
Littlefoot: You can understand sharpteeth?
Cassius: <laughs politely> So many questions… <smiles> After all that has happened I’m surprised your not demanding answers from me. <sees Littlefoot’s saddened response> I see… you blame yourself for what happened.
Littlefoot: A bit, but I’m so confused now how I feel… I don’t know what to think anymore. <looks as his reflection in the water, depressed by how pathetic it looked. He was covered in dirt and sweat, and a swelling of hunger was rising in him as he had forgotten to eat. Sometimes he wondered why he existed at all – the world would continue to turn perfectly fine even without him>
Cassius: Ah… I could explain things for you then, if that’s what you want.
<Littlefoot turns to him and nods>
Cassius: You see… we fast runners don’t belong in any herd. Most know that we and the sharpteeth you call fast-biters are close cousins… the only difference is right here <points to his mouth>
Littlefoot: No teeth!
Cassius: … and because of this we don’t belong with the other sharpteeth. We eat meat like they do, but we can also eat green food. Whatever suits our appetite at the time. On the opposite side of things leaf eaters could never accept us because of the danger we present to their young.
Littlefoot: So your half sharpteeth… half leafeater? <Littlefoot was astonished, he never thought anything like that could exist>
Cassius: That’s correct. The sharpteeth may not accept us, but they do respect us. In return, we don’t compete for territory and sometimes guide them on the lay of the land. <his tone gets darker> But, there are some out there who respect no one but themselves. Redclaw is one such being.
<Littlefoot listened closer… he could sense that this was important>
Cassius: In his earlier years he attempted to catch a fast runner to prove himself to a potential mate. Unfortunately, he caught up with me and Florienne just as Ruby had hatched. I was prepared to run myself to death to save her, which I almost did. In Redclaw’s arrogance he triggered a rockslide, killing his mate and giving himself that scar you know him for.
Littlefoot: Wow…what happened next?
Cassius: We went our separate ways of course, but he never stopped hunting us. Hunting her. Her cries remind him of what he lost that day, and until that cry is snuffed out his personal demons will never let him go… <a tear runs down his cheek, but he quickly hides it by wiping it away> … I hope it was painless for her, it’s the only thing I can wish for! <turns away so Littlefoot can’t see him crying>
Littlefoot: But Redclaw didn’t catch her.
Cassius: <surprised> He didn’t!?! But then how did she die?
Littlefoot: We were walking and then an earthshake… she fell into the river.
Cassius: <amazed> So you did not see her perish?
Littlefoot: Well… <thinks about it> … no I didn’t.
Cassius: Ruby may have been born on land but she lived in the water! <stands up defiantly> It would never kill her. She’s alive out there somewhere and we have to find her!
Littlefoot: <thinking> Can it really be true?
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Kepsla: <in alarm> Rozzy, come quick!
<Rozzy and Thor had been sitting on the river bank basking in the warm sun after a hearty meal. It was then that the sea turtle had popped up from under the water>
Thor: What’s eating you mate?
Kepsla: <wave them upriver> Hurry!
<Rozzy was annoyed as he fell in behind Thor. Now that the job was done he wanted nothing to do with the others – he had his own problems to deal with. Mainly, they had to do with his father. Ever since the encounter in the forest he had been enraged that Ozzy had betrayed him like that. Neglecting your offspring was one thing, but stealing from them from another. Rozzy had half a mind to kill him – but he wasn’t that angry yet>
Kepsla: This way! <he called out above the water>
<Rozzy and Thor hopped from rock to rock along the sides of the stream. They reached a place upriver where Kepsla had stopped and slid up on shore and they halted>
Thor: Well I’ll be…
<In front of them, laying on the rocks, was a small pink dinosaur of a type none of them had ever seen before>
Kepsla: … What is it?
Rozzy: I don’t know… <his tone trails off in thought>
<She was breathing heavily and was covered in bruises and cuts. She painfully turned over and they could see that tears of confusion and hurt streamed down her face>
Ruby: Help…me. <passes out>
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<Redclaw was disappointed. Not only had Blackray failed to make a kill, but she also came back a member of her pack short. They were the most feared killers in the entire Mysterious Beyond – apart from him of course – and the current situation made him so depressed he ought to just devour them all and work on his own again. Thinking of Screech and Thudd, he noted how hard it was to find good help. It was such a waste… but it couldn’t be helped. An injured sharptooth was nothing more then food for everyone else, and it was first come first serve. Now that he knew Blackray couldn’t deal with them, he would have to do things himself>
<End of Act II>
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Note: Act III I've barely started... so its going to take around a week before I start posting them again to assure good continuity.
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I’ve come to realize that it’s virtually impossible for me to give short, encompassing reviews for each overall chapter without sounding monotonous: since I’ve started reviewing this story, I’ve found all chapters to be equally excellent. :smile
You’ll be happy to know that the only things I found wrong in this chapter were a couple of minor spelling errors:
I spent a dozen seasons of my life finding food to stuff down your miserable, squeeling mouth and this is how you repay me?
Should be “squealing.”
Ruby’s Mom: <alarmed> Oh Cassius your hurt!
Should be “you’re.” I would also suggest putting a comma immediately after “Cassius.”
Many thanks for posting the info on Kepsla. :) (He’s probably my favorite OC in the story, though I’m getting to like Syndra a lot too.) One thing you didn’t mention: how big is he?
Ozzy doesn't seem to have changed much (he treats Strut the same as ever :lol). I can see why Rozzy hates him; he’s one nasty parent. :(
I like the character development your OCs are showing: Rozzy voluntarily taking the smallest share of the loot, and Syndra demonstrating that she really does have a conscience by giving him part of her share.
I also love your portrayal of Ruby’s dad. It’s pretty much exactly what I expected his personality to be based on what we see of him in the TV series. I also like the names you gave Ruby’s parents (I had my own ideas for what their names might be, but I think the ones you chose are just as good :yes). May I ask where you came up with them? (and Syndra’s name, too, for that matter; I forgot to ask about it earlier :oops)
I await the next installment with profound anticipation. :D
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You know it is a bit strange how nobody else has reviewed this story besides you Pangea... so strange I've begun to think there's something wrong with my writing that drives people away. In a community that's so open and receptive when it comes to new works I can't figure out why mine has fallen in the cracks. Anyway, time for my reply.
Syndra's name comes from Cynder, who is the main villian/anti-hero in the newest Spyro the Dragon games. Its who I modeled her after roughly. I'm liking how her character is developing as I make my way through Act III.
Cassius actually comes from the book that I keep my papers inside as I carry them around. Since this story is done on paper first, when I was writing it I opened the book and there was a story about a character named Cassius...
Florienne (Floor-EE-enn) Was originally Floria after flowers, but I wanted something a bit more complicated to pronounce.
Also, what names would you have given them? I wasn't entirely happy with my choices so i might like yours better :lol
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In case I haven’t said this before, Ruby is one of my favorite LBT characters (I don’t have a single most favorite). But I always thought that her name was somewhat strange for such a significant member of the cast. In a group of friends with names like Littlefoot, Ducky, and Petrie, Ruby’s name sounded unusually...normal. :p She is obviously called that for her coloration (her red spots and crest), but I still couldn’t help but feel that her name sounded too human. Then I considered the fact that a ruby is a red gemstone, which gave me the idea that fast runners are named after precious or semiprecious minerals that correspond to their own colors. :idea Since Ruby was named after a red mineral, I reasoned that her father would be named for a blue one, her mother for a sort of pinkish-purplish one, and her younger siblings (who I believe are a sister and brother), for bluish or purplish ones. I came up with “Amethyst” for her mother (which I’m very happy with), while I thought that her dad could be named either “Sapphire” or “Topaz” (I suppose the first is a somewhat female-sounding name, but I thought it could work. *shrugs*). Ruby’s siblings were harder to find names for, but I really liked “Agate” for the sister, and if I went with “Sapphire” for Ruby’s father, I could use “Topaz for her brother. (Alternatively, I could do it the other way around, but I prefer the idea of Ruby’s parents having longer names than their children.)
I still think you should keep the names you came up with for Ruby’s parents. Somehow I find them very fitting. (Good choice going with “Florienne” instead of “Floria,” by the way. :yes)
As for the puzzling issue of why I’m the only one giving feedback on your fanfic, maybe not as many people are as interested in a story written in script format. Or perhaps they’re hesitant to read your fanfiction because they were put off by the first story you posted here (frankly, I myself disliked that one so much that I didn’t even read the whole thing). Still, I’m reluctant to believe that the members of the GoF (which, like you said, is a very open-mined forum) could be so dismissive. I think it’s just a matter of people not bothering to post reviews, for reasons I can’t imagine.
In any event, you shouldn’t interpret a lack of reviews as a sign that people are repelled by your writing. Last I checked, babidikrakenguard and I were the only ones reviewing Malte’s “The Cold Time” fanfic. (What was that you said a while ago about having a long way to go before this fanfic was as good as that one? :p) Still, I agree with you that this story could use more comments. Come on, people! At least let Caustizer know that you’re reading this fanfic! You don’t have to be nitpickers like me, :P: or go into the same amount of detail! Just review!
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The First act has been posted on Fanfic.net. As for my progress on the third act I've got the first part done and the second part is about halfway completed. The story will only go for a total of six parts more. I'm waiting until I got the first three done before posting so they line up well chronologically.
Remember that Petrie and Guido are still in the valley, the rest of the gang is at crater lake with Ruby's family and Rozzy, Thor etc. are still offtrack after finding Ruby on the riverside. That's three loose ends to bring together, and numerous subplots. Look to the weekend for parts of the story.
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Act III:
Prologue:
<Mid-sea the weather had never been worse. The world was changing and the oceans were far warmer then they had been for previous ages. At first the creatures of the sea had enjoyed the prosperity – warm water meant food was plentiful and the currents rode on faster then they ever had making it easier to move from place to place. As the days grew shorter and the rainy season returned the storms moved in making the sea a dangerous place to live. Today the storms were winding down as the cold time approached, but another stronger cell remained above the others. Like a giant atmospheric vacuum it stole the energy and heat of every dying storm it passed over and soon it was a deadly behemoth of the sky – harnessing the forces of water and wind to form a destructive force like no other. Then, as if through some perverse miracle, it began to spin as the first hurricane was born. The storm tide was rising>
Part I:
Setting: Morning lit up the Great Valley. The trees seemed to hum with the joy of the day’s first light and the early birds went after their worms or – in the case of many fliers here – the best tree-stars. This particular part of the valley wasn’t thick with woods or open plains but was a mixture of both. This made the area especially ideal for longnecks, which had lots of space to move about while they went about their breakfast.
<Grandma and Grandpa Longneck casually grazed on one of the trees. Other older longnecks were also around, taking their fill before the young ones woke up. By coincidence both Grandma and Grandpa go for the same bushel at once at once and touch noses>
Grandma: <laughs>
Grandpa: <looks away in embarrassment>
Guido: <yelling> Watch out! Ahhh!
<As if blown there by the wind, Guido suddenly rockets into the tree making a hard landing amongst the leaves. Clearly he has to work on his landings. The branches cushion him, but they also tangle up his wings>
Grandma: <concerned> Guido… are you alright?
Guido: Oh yeah I’m fine, just fine <laughs> But umm, you think you could help me out… please?
Grandma: <pushes aside the branches so Guido can get out>
Guido: <brushes himself off> I get so many sticks and pricklies in these wings it’s not funny… unless you like to laugh of course <nervously>…like me.
Grandpa: Is there anything else we can help you with?
Guido: <rubs the back of his neck> Yeah I was just wondering…you know… <he couldn’t believe he was asking this> … How do I get a girl to like me?
<Grandma and Grandpa look at each other in disbelief>
Grandma: <smiles and looks at Grandpa> I think you should answer this one.
Grandpa: Well I…ah…the most important thing to remember Guido is that they are more interested in themselves then they are in you <Grandma gives him a dirty look>…but that’s only at first! If you talk about her rather then about yourself, then she will always want to be around you.
Guido: <counts on his fingers> Talk about her… got it.
Grandma: <shoots a glance at Grandpa> Be considerate of her feelings… there will be times when she needs her space.
Grandpa: <snickers but disguises it as a sneeze>
Grandma: <Continues> … Show her you love her by giving her gifts, and taking your time for her.
Grandpa: But be strong and bold, a good mate will always look for confidence–
Grandma: <cuts in> –Demonstrate that you can be a good provider for her children.
Guido: <getting confused, he’s running out of fingers> Umm…okay.
Grandpa: <under his breath> Wake her up repeatedly in the middle of the night with your snoring…
Grandma: <sarcastically> Trick her into closing her eyes so you can sneak a kiss!
Grandpa: <angry> …and then get up early so you can eat the best tree stars before she does!
Grandma: <yells back> Insult her father on every occasion you can!
Grandpa: <stomps in rage> I never did that!
Grandma: Of course you did it was no wonder he never liked you!
Guido: <puts his hands over his face. This was horribly embarrassing>
Grandma: …and you–
Topsy: <interrupting> What’s all this racket…some of us are trying to sleep!
<He backs up in surprise as both longnecks shoot him venomous glares>
Grandpa: <calms down> Mr. Threehorn we were just discussing with Guido about how to be attractive to a mate.
Guido: <waves nervously as Topsy gives him a disgruntled glance. Evidently, he didn’t want to spread around the news he’d found a girlfriend>
Topsy: <snorts> Just be yourself… it’s not like you can be anything else…
<Satisfied he’d ended the conversation, Topsy turns and storms back to his sleeping area. Little does he know he just scored the only one-up on the longnecks he ever would. In the tree Guido marvelled at the simplicity of the thought. It made so much sense>
Guido: Bye Mr. and Mrs. Longneck! Thanks for the advice. <flies off to get as far away from them as possible>
Grandma: Anytime Guido.
<As the flier left both longnecks looked a bit ashamed at the argument they had caused. To avoid any further conversation they went back to eating – this time careful to avoid each other’s bushels>
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Setting: The family den of Ozzy and Shira, plus their recent offspring. Tunnels wound through the earth like the roots of a tree, ending in large chambers dug by their fore-fathers. Every section was like a separate work of art, the product of the different generations that had lived in this place. Inside, it was almost completely dark. A bit of night vision would reveal that it opened up to a small cavern with a decent sized entrance, leading upward and into the tunnel system.
<The world slowly slid into focus as Ruby opened her eyes. Still a little groggy after being asleep for so long she yawned and stretched her arms. A shot of molten pain coursed through her body and it was so intense she cried out. It hurt everywhere. Looking at her body, she noticed the damage that had been done for the first time. Cuts and bruises adorned her typically bright skin and a dull headache kept her aware that, despite her ordeal she was alive. If only she could remember what that ordeal was. Calming down, Ruby looked around to see where she was>
Ruby: <to herself> Where am I?
<The echo of her words faded off the walls. She tried to remember where she was or had been but failed. It was like there was a giant void where previously existed. All she could remember was that she had fallen… from where she did not know. It was a weird feeling to have no memories of your past – it was like she had just hatched and every moment was etching itself into her brain as a record of her new beginning. All of a sudden she heard voices coming through the entrance of the cavern at the other side of the darkness, but like everything else she didn’t recognize them>
Voice: <distant> Hurry mommy! She’s moving I heard her!
<there was a slight shuffling noise as multiple bodies made their way through the tunnels, and soon they emerged through the small opening that was Ruby’s only link to the outside world>
Shira: Well… you’re finally awake, that’s good to see.
<Shira sounded homely, as if she was used to dealing with injuries. Being that she raised almost a dozen children on her own, this was to be expected>
Ruby: <slowly gets up> Hello… I’m sorry I don’t remember who you are, or why I am here, or anything. <frowns and rubs her head as if it might help>
Shira: It will come back to you eventually. <motions to the egg-stealer next to her, and he drops the mouthful of green food he had been carrying. He then turns and skitters back up the hole> … Riding the river like you did is very, very dangerous. I suspect you didn’t plan on your little trip, am I right? Tell me what you can remember.
Ruby: <sincerely> I want to tell you the truth, but I truly don’t remember what I know…
Shira: <smiles> Do you remember your name?
Ruby: Of course I do! It’s…umm… <normally it would come automatically, but she had to think deeply just to come up with something so simple> … Ruby, I think.
Shira: Well Ruby, welcome to the Dawn Valley. When you can walk I’ll have one of my own show you around. Until then however, get some rest young one. <and she departs after her son up the caves>
Ruby: <to herself> The Dawn Valley… <it doesn’t ring a bell, but it brings back a feeling… a feeling that suddenly explodes into a memory>… the Great Valley! <she was on the edge of remembering, but it wasn’t enough. It would be a while before she would know what it meant>
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Setting: The jungle of the Dawn Valley. Today was sunny and bright and the trees above swayed gently in the wind. Occasionally beams of sunshine came in through the canopies but it was mostly a shadowed place where only the smallest brush could grow. A small opening jutted out into the rough ground, just barely visible even to someone who knew where to look. This was Thor’s hole and the place where him and Rozzy usually met to start their day.
<Rozzy stalked up to the hole, so as to not reveal it to anyone who was watching, and called in like he usually did>
Rozzy: Thor are you there? We need to talk.
<after a moment of shuffling within, Thor emerges>
Thor: <looking back into the hole> Oh… what you need mate?
Rozzy: I’ve got another plan… another chance to feast.
Thor: <distracted> That’s alright! Say, how’s that little one doing that we crossed?
Rozzy: <bitterly> Fine I suppose… just another reason for my mother to ignore me for someone else.
Thor: Glad she’s safe and sound though… poor thing looked like she needed our help.
Rozzy: But all that is beside the point Thor… If we are going to catch this opportunity we have to act now.
Thor: <regrettably> Sorry mate, I can’t go with you on this one.
Rozzy: …Why not?
Thor: <looks back into his hole again, concerned this time> … I got responsibilities now that I can’t just up and walk away from.
Rozzy: <angrily> What responsibilities?
Thor: <doesn’t like to say it but he has too> Well… my love has laid her eggs and I wanna be about when the little ones hatch… to be a good dad.
Rozzy: <sneered bitterly. He hated interruptions to his plans and this came from left field. Without Thor helping him things were certainly not going to work out>
<Thor’s mate suddenly forced her way out of the hole and her eyes fell on Rozzy, and she glared at him>
Thor’s Mate: <turns to her lover> There’s someone else here! This is our nesting place… chase him away! <hisses>
Rozzy: <returns her glare, directed at his friend instead>. Don’t bother, I’ll go. <turns to leave>
Thor: <sincerely> Sorry mate…
<Rozzy left at his own pace to retain some of his dignity. It hurt that his best friend was forced to turn on him now that he had kids, but in the grand scheme of things it mattered little. He would just have to do things on his own from now on>
…
<Without anything to do for the first time in a while Rozzy simply wandered around aimlessly. Eventually he found himself at the river mouth. He watched as the sea turtles left to go back out to sea to carry on their life cycle – In another few seasons they would return. After a while he saw the turtle he was hoping to see>
Kepsla: <swimming up> Oh hi Rozzy, have a good cold time!
Rozzy: Why?
Kepsla: I’m going back out to the big water with mommy and daddy… I hope I see you again when I come back. It was a lot of fun we had.
Rozzy: <grumbles and turns away> Have a good trip…
Kepsla: See ya later!
<With a splash Kepsla descended into the water and departed with the rest of his family including the newborns, who made the trip from the beach into the sea. They greeted their older brother with joy and excitement as he led them on after their parents. As he watched them leave Rozzy wondered what it was like to have a family who wanted you, who needed you. Regardless, it was something he would never have. With nothing else to do and nowhere to go he dragged himself back through the forest, back to his family den>
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I already reviewed the first section of this chapter, ;) so my review here will have somewhat less substance than usual.
So Ruby has amnesia...kind of ironic (or maybe appropriate?), given her song “Remembering” from the TV episode “The Star Day Celebration.” Hopefully she remembers her friends soon...
Poor Rozzy: Thor has family duties, Kepsla’s leaving, :cry Syndra’s apparently already gone, and his family ignores him. Hopefully Ruby’ll be nice to him.
One thing that confuses me, though; isn’t Thor kind of young to have a mate and eggs? (Or do egg stealers start families early?) You said before that he was 14 years old and 1’ 5” tall. (I know you said he was also a runt.) I don’t know how that compares to the other characters, though; how big is Ozzy in your story? I’m not suggesting you change the story; just wondering if some changes to Thor’s character profile might be in order.
At any rate, here are my suggested edits for this section:
It was like there was a giant void where previously existed.
Something’s missing from that sentence. :huh: (I’m not quite sure what you were trying to say, so I have no suggested corrections.)
This was Thor’s hole and the place where him and Rozzy usually met to start their day.
Should be “he”.
It hurt that his best friend was forced to turn on him now that he had kids,
Just a suggestion: maybe “turn his back on him” would be more appropriate.
One more thing (this relates to your prologue): for the record, warmer seas are actually poorer in nutrients than temperate ones, and consequently contain less food for marine life. But, then, this is an LBT story, and since when has LBT’s sense of marine science been accurate? :p (I can delete this part of the post if it annoys you.)
And to everyone else reading this story: just because I'm leaving voluminous and exhaustive reviews doesn't mean you can't comment on it, too! ;)
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Thor is 14 in human years, which in our views would make him a teenager but in egg-stealer years he is an adult. It's a similar concept to dog years. Rozzy is 8 which would make him a child, but in egg-stealer years he would be considered a teenager. Also, Ozzy is quite a bit bigger and stronger then Rozzy (in all honesty your dad could probably beat you up too if he wanted to) :p
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So the dinosaurs in your story age faster than humans...that's helpful to know. Still considerably slower than real dinosaurs, though. :p (If the LBT characters grew realistically, Ducky would be nine feet long by the time she was a year old, and at age ten, Littlefoot would be almost as big as Bron.)
What I'm curious about is the relative sizes of the characters in your story, in feet and inches. You said that Rozzy was 1' 4" tall (one inch shorter than Thor and two inches shorter than Syndra). By comparison, how tall are Ozzy, Strut, and the other adult egg stealers? (Real Struthiomimus was between 11 and 13 feet long, though we all know that neither you nor LBT is obligated to portray dinosaurs at their realistic sizes. :p)
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Part II:
Setting: Rozzy’s family den, outside.
<Rozzy walked through the forest and eventually reached his home through the branches and leaves. As he approached he noticed two of his younger siblings sunning themselves on a rock by the entrance, but when they noticed him coming they fled into the bushes. They were so small that they were barely out of the egg-shell, so it was no wonder they feared him. They were almost as afraid of him as they were Ozzy. Rozzy knew how it felt to grow up fearing your father, especially when he treated you like dirt whenever he saw you. Ignoring them, he slipped quietly through the hole in the ground and felt his way through the tunnels until he found his own cave. He had barely settled in when his mother followed him in, and addressed him>
Shira: <comes in from the tunnels> Don’t get too comfortable… I have a job for you.
Rozzy: What? <unkindly, this was the first time his mother had spoken to him in over a week>
Shira: I want you to show our guest around the valley, now that she can walk. <in a stern manner. Clearly she expected obedience>
Rozzy: Do I look like an escort? She can show herself.
<Just as Rozzy begins to argue with his mother his father slides in from behind her, crowding the already small cave. Uninvited, he interrupts the conversation>
Ozzy: Don’t argue with your mother boy. If she tells you to do something I suggest you do it… or else.
Rozzy: <turns to his father> .I have nothing to say to you.
Shira: <Also glances in Ozzy’s direction> I have this under control dear… could you please make sure the twins outside aren’t getting into any trouble?
Ozzy: <sneering> I doubt anyone can control him… selfish little brat he is.
Rozzy: <yells back> Oh and your one to talk about being selfish!
Shira: <intervenes to stop things from getting ugly> Boys stop it! You both have jobs to do now jump to them.
<after briefly exchanging a venomous glance Rozzy’s father bucked off into the cavern grumbling about his son getting the last word. Feeling similar after being ordered around by his parents, Rozzy followed after his mother. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do today>
…
<Ruby limps out of the den in a bit of a daze. It is the first time she has been outside for a long time, so it takes a while for her eyes to adjust to the sunlight>
Ruby: <hearing the sounds of the fliers and the insects in the trees> It’s so beautiful out today… I’ve missed you all for a long time.
<Shira emerges out of the hole behind her, with Rozzy reluctantly in tow>
Shira: Good morning little one… I would like you to meet my son Rozzy. <steps back so they can see each other clearly> … Rozzy this is Ruby, you will show her around while she finds her legs.
<Ruby and Rozzy met eyes for the first time. In her eyes he saw a depth of sincerity and kindness he had never seen before in another being. This was overshadowed however by the suffering she had endured to survive, and the will she had to live on. In his eyes she saw a cold and hardened heart, not unlike a sharptooth waiting for his next meal. He was different then that though in the sense that he wasn’t born that way but that he was made that way through being ignored and neglected>
Ruby: <uncertainly> Hi… <extends her hand> I’m Ruby.
Rozzy: Let’s get this over with. <moves on past her. Unperturbed, she follows him>
Shira: <as they get farther away> And be nice Rozzy… it’s not like I’m asking you to make things up with your father.
Rozzy: <snorts briefly, but otherwise ignores her and continues on>
…
<The scene played out like a blind date. Ruby trailed behind Rozzy as he led her along, neither one of them wanting to talk to the other for different reasons. Finally when they reached the side of the river Ruby broke the silence>
Ruby: Thanks for saving me… I don’t remember what happened but I remember I happened to see you.
Rozzy: <looks back and her, then replies uncertainly> Your welcome…
<There was a short silence before Ruby makes another attempt to start conversation>
Ruby: So… where are we going?
<truthfully Rozzy didn’t know himself, so he made up a direction>
Rozzy: We’ll cross the river… <hops on a stone sticking out above the water> …by jumping from rock to rock.
Ruby: <light laugh> That sounds like fun!
<Ruby’s mood changes as she lands on the first stone. It was slippery and wet, she could fall off at any moment. Not only that, but the sounds of the running water ignited a primal, unexplainable fear in her. She didn’t remember anything, but her body sure did. Ruby starts shaking>
Ruby: <wobbles slightly on the rock> I d-don’t think this is fun anymore… can we please go back?
Rozzy: <turns and raises an eyebrow> What? It’s just water. <hops along to the next rock so he is almost to shore>
<Timidly, Ruby jumps to the next rock. She misses it by a hair and slips into the water, which is only head-high on her. Immeadiately, she begins to scream at the top of her lungs>
Ruby: Help me! … HELP ME!!! AHHH!!!
<Without thinking Rozzy jumped into the river and grabbed one of her arms. A few pulls later she was walking out of the river on the opposite shore in his grip. Her first instinct was to grab and wrap herself around him tightly>
Ruby: <crying> The water… I’m so scared!
<Rozzy was stunned. Nobody had ever held him this before in his entire life, but it felt so warm and alright he played along with it>
Rozzy: Umm… it’s okay I got you. <he wrapped his arms around her lightly, and he couldn’t help but notice how smooth the feathers on her back were>
<As Ruby calmed down in his arms Rozzy couldn’t help but think about how weird and irrational this was. Here he was thinking about how nice she felt when she was clearly suffering. Half his mind found it repulsive that he was thinking this way, but the other half felt sorry for he and prompted him to help. It was strange how they had only just met and she was invoking these feelings in him. A voice that was almost as taunting and as cruel as his father’s called down from the trees above>
Syndra: Well isn’t this just touching…
<In a moment the fast runner and the egg-stealer separated, as if animated to do so by a bolt of lightning>
Syndra: <continues> … And I always thought it would be you and the grey one! <laughs to herself at the deviousness of her insult>
Rozzy: Hey I don’t see anyone coming to you for help… oh wait it’s because nobody can even stand to be around you!
<Syndra puffed up her chest in a challenging gesture>
Syndra: Oh yeah, well…
Ruby: <wiping away the tears> I’m so sorry Rozzy, I don’t know why it happened it’s just… I don’t remember anything.
Rozzy: <turns to her and nods slightly> Don’t worry about it, okay?
Syndra: <changing the subject> Anyway before I caught you lovebirds in the act I was hoping that you would have another plan to steal something… I’m hungry, bored, and angry!
<Ruby turns away to hide herself from the strange newcomer. She was still ashamed about losing control in the river and things were swirling so much in her head she wasn’t in a state to greet a new friend>
Rozzy: Ahh… <remembers what he was after earlier in the morning> In fact I do have something we can take… It would feed all of us. <sly smile. He shoots a glance to Ruby> What do you think Ruby?
Ruby: <still looks confused> I’ll do anything if anything doesn’t mean going near the water again.
Rozzy: Good… <he brings his fingers together in anticipation. Tonight they would pay the nesting grounds another visit to get the ultimate prize, the only egg of the longnecks>
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Setting: Night-time on the edge of the nesting grounds.
<Rozzy had put a lot of thought into how to steal the egg ever since he had seen it a few weeks ago when they first robbed the nests. The longneck mother was the leader of the herd, which by now was very close to moving on since most of the surviving eggs had hatched. She passed the duties to her mate, who was slightly less charismatic while she attended to the single egg she had laid. The only time she had ever left it unguarded was when the herd had erupted into chaos following the fake sharptooth attack, so logically there would have to be a similar event requiring her leadership for her to do so again>
Rozzy: <to Syndra following his pep talk> So your going to start a fight involving a part of the herd.
Syndra: <frowns> With what… my beak and wings?
Rozzy: … with your mouth. Do what you do best.
Syndra: <smiles deviously> Now this is a plan I like.
<Rozzy knew there was nobody better at starting fights then Syndra>
Rozzy: Good… Ruby and I will move in and take the egg once you get her attention.
Ruby: <unsure> I don’t like this… why are we stealing from others we haven’t even met?
Rozzy: We get to eat don’t we?
Ruby: <looks down at the ground> … I guess.
<Ruby knew something wasn’t right here. An urge deep within from her past life told her that this was wrong>
…
<Syndra took up roost in a tree high up in the branches next to the nesting grounds. It didn’t take her long to find an ideal target – a family of threehorns with a few young children just heading to bed. She took special care to swoop into a tree next to them causing the younglings to cry out in fright>
Male Threehorn: <grumpily> Go land somewhere else… your scaring my young ones.
Syndra: Awe are the babies scared of a little birdie? <spreads her wings wide and hisses, causing the hatchlings to shiver>
Male Threehorn: <snorts> I’m warning you… leave before somebody gets hurt.
Syndra: <laughing> Like you? Your so fat moving those legs must be painful.
Male Threehorn: <roars and charges the tree, generating a loud crack as he makes contact. The tree only sways slightly>
<Around them the dinosaurs are waking up and looking around to see what is the source of the disturbance. The female longneck slowly brings her head around to see what’s bothering the herd>
Female Big-Mouth: <speaks up> What’s going on? <Behind her is an empty nest full of cracked eggs>
Syndra: <turns to her> You lost all your eggs this year? Pity. I guess the others ate pretty good. <licks her lips>
Female Big-Mouth: <enraged> Move it Threehorn, I’m going to make her pay! <charges the tree with him, their combined force coming close to knocking it down>
Syndra: <smirks> How pathetic… you all can’t even knock down a single tree. Your so weak its no wonder so many eggs got broken.
<The commotion reached a high point as they heard Syndra’s last comment and wanted a piece of her too. Many of them had nearly lost everything because of the birds, and were hungering for revenge. Sensing that her guidance was needed, the female longneck rose and walked down to the center of the fighting… the poor tree that now everyone was trying to knock down>
Female Longneck: Calm down everyone! <they turn to listen> … Remember that it was through our own mistakes that our families will never come to be. The fliers cannot be blamed for following their nature.
<It was a hard truth to digest, but nine tenths of the herd agreed. After all it was they who fled instead of watching their unborn young ones>
Female Longneck: And to you… <turns her massive gaze to Syndra. It was a credit to her willpower that Syndra could stare down such a large and wise creature unaffected> You are not welcome here… I must ask you to leave so as to ease the burden on our minds.
Syndra: Ha! <mockingly> Tall words for someone who just lost their parentage!
Female Longneck: What!?! <turns to her egg, which sure enough is gone> NO!!!
<As what had just happened sunk in, the entire herd exploded with anger. Syndra takes off just in time to avoid getting caught in the collapsing embrace of the tree, and dodges several snapping beaks and limbs as she dives low to get enough air to fly. All the while she laughed tauntingly… Syndra loved it when she won>
<Over at the longneck nest tears were welling up in the mother’s eyes as she surveyed her now bare nest>
Female Longneck: How could this happen? <turns to her mate> Why weren’t you watching the egg?
Male Longneck: <wakes up with a start, because he was fast asleep> What… what’s going on? <yawns>
Female Longneck: It’s gone…our future is gone!
…
<not too far away, Rozzy and Ruby were on the run. Fortunately for Rozzy he had been wrong about the size of the egg in his earlier observations, so it was easy for him to carry it on his own. Ruby kept up to him easily, but she stopped as the cry of the longnecks reached her eyes from the depths of the woods. Only half her face was visible in the moonlight, but it was clear she felt the pain and sorrow of it by the look on her face>
Rozzy: <calls back> What’s the holdup? We aren’t safe yet.
Ruby: <turns to him> We have to take it back… we are egg-napping their family!
Rozzy: <eyes narrow. He was too far into this to turn back, not that he wanted to> I have have to eat too, so there’s no way I’m letting it go.
Ruby: <yells at him> This is wrong and you know it!
Rozzy: So what? There is no wrong or right when it comes to survival!
Ruby: You don’t need it to survive, your just selfish! If your not going to give it back then I’m going to give it back for you! <lunges for the egg and accidentally knocks it out of his grip>
Rozzy: Over my dead body! <socks her in the side of the face with his shoulder sending her crumpling to the ground. The egg rolls briefly down the hillside before cracking loudly up against a rock>
Ruby: Oh no! <glances at the egg in horror, but is interrupted by a brutal kick to the face by Rozzy>
Rozzy: <hollering at her in rage> I saved your life and this is how you repay me you selfish, ignorant little hatchling!
<The irony of the words as they rang in his ears was relevant to Rozzy. In shock he stepped backwards – it just occurred to him that he had seen this before… when his father stole the egg from him. Looking now at what he had done he realized that he was just like his father>
Rozzy: You want it now? <points to the deformed egg below> It’s yours. <he moved to walk away, but before he did he added bitterly> … And I never want to see your face again.
<Rozzy made his way back into the jungle. Today had been another horrible day and he was tired… it was time to head back to the den>
…
<Ruby fought back the tears – she was sick of crying. No sooner had she made a friend then she had lost him again. It wasn’t only that but she had also killed the hopes and dreams of a family she had never even met. What was there to do now? There was nowhere to go and no one to run to, in addition to the fact she had no memories of her past. At that moment, Ruby was truly lost. A sudden cracking sound below catches her attention>
Ruby: <slowly gets up> What was that?
<Ruby slides down to where the broken egg had come to rest. A quick look showed how damaged it was, and yet strangely there was life to be found. Ruby leaned close to listen inside for anything, but was surprised when suddenly a leg came bursting out. After that, out came two back legs and finally a head. She had seen an egg hatching before, but couldn’t remember where>
Ruby: Wow!
<she marvels as the longneck hatchling fully emerges and crawls out of the collapsed egg. Without thinking she picks it up, and their eyes meet for the first time>
Ruby: Hello… how are you?
<the hatchling squeaks an intelligent response, as if it understood what she was saying>
Ruby: <smiles> I’m fine too! Your so cute… you look just like Littlefoot.
<Ruby gasps. Like a tidal wave her memory came washing back into her mind. She remembered everything, her parents, the mysterious beyond, Chomper, and most of all the Great Valley. Her friends were out there looking for her… she had to go to them!>
Ruby: <out loud> I remember!
<As she held the baby up he suddenly peed on the ground in front of her. She frowned as it finished it’s business and looked at her through proud eyes, as if it had accomplished something>
Ruby: …It’s probably better you did that when I wasn’t carrying you. <Thinks for a moment about what to do next, then comes to a decision> Let’s take you back to your mommy and daddy, I’m sure they miss you.
<With a yawn the baby longneck fell asleep in her arms as she carried him through the forest>
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Ozzy and Shira are only slightly bigger then Rozzy... maybe by a few inches in hieght. The important thing is they are much stronger and wiser then he is and that comes from moreso age than size.
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I’m not so much interested in how the adult egg stealers compare in size to Rozzy, but how they compare to the rest of the LBT cast. One of the eternal questions of The Land Before Time is how big the main characters are. Interpretations vary considerably, and there have been at least two or three (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=660) discussions (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=3732) on the subject. I’m just curious about what scale YOU’RE using. Since you had specific heights in mind for some of your OCs, I was curious as to how you had interpreted the sizes of the main characters, and asked for a comparison between an OC whose size you had given (Rozzy) and a mainstream LBT character who had appeared alongside the gang (Ozzy). In retrospect, maybe should have just gone out and asked you for the relative sizes of each of the non-OCs, but at any rate...now that you’ve given me a rough idea of how Ozzy compares to Rozzy, I can calculate the other characters’ sizes myself: If Rozzy is 1’ 4” tall, and Ozzy is “a few inches taller,” then a generous interpretation of that figure would result in Ozzy being about 2’ tall. The larger members of the gang are about half Ozzy’s height, which would put Cera and Spike at about a foot high, Ducky and Petrie a few inches tall, Chomper maybe eight or ten inches tall, and Littlefoot a few inches taller than one foot, or about Rozzy’s height. (I’m assuming Ruby to be about the same size as Rozzy.) Feel free to correct me if my interpretations are mistaken.
Okay...review time:
This was a pretty good chapter, with a lot of tense moments. I was hugely relieved that Ruby didn’t go all the way through with Rozzy’s egg-stealing plan, and even more relieved that the egg’s occupant survived the ordeal. I’m glad that Ruby finally got her memory back as well. (I just hope she won’t be afraid of water for the rest of her life.)
On a more critical note, I personally think you could have left out the gag with the hatchling longneck at the end of the chapter. Urological humor just doesn’t suit an LBT story in my opinion. (But then, I’ve never found that sort of thing funny anyway. Just another example of the extreme discrepancy between your sense of humor and mine. :p)
At this point, if I added my usual list of typographical nitpicks, it would make this post too long-winded. Would you like me to send you the edits in a PM instead?
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I’m not so much interested in how the adult egg stealers compare in size to Rozzy, but how they compare to the rest of the LBT cast. One of the eternal questions of The Land Before Time is how big the main characters are. Interpretations vary considerably, and there have been at least two or three (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=660) discussions (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=3732) on the subject. I’m just curious about what scale YOU’RE using. Since you had specific heights in mind for some of your OCs, I was curious as to how you had interpreted the sizes of the main characters, and asked for a comparison between an OC whose size you had given (Rozzy) and a mainstream LBT character who had appeared alongside the gang (Ozzy). In retrospect, maybe should have just gone out and asked you for the relative sizes of each of the non-OCs, but at any rate...now that you’ve given me a rough idea of how Ozzy compares to Rozzy, I can calculate the other characters’ sizes myself: If Rozzy is 1’ 4” tall, and Ozzy is “a few inches taller,” then a generous interpretation of that figure would result in Ozzy being about 2’ tall. The larger members of the gang are about half Ozzy’s height, which would put Cera and Spike at about a foot high, Ducky and Petrie a few inches tall, Chomper maybe eight or ten inches tall, and Littlefoot a few inches taller than one foot, or about Rozzy’s height. (I’m assuming Ruby to be about the same size as Rozzy.) Feel free to correct me if my interpretations are mistaken.
When I wrote my way through this story I never thought too much about the sizes of the characters relative to one another. I didn't have my tape measure with me at the time I was writing the profiles so I quickly made up some hieghts to solve the problem. To clear this up it looks like I'm going to have to re-imagine their relative hieghts and get back to you.
Okay...review time:
This was a pretty good chapter, with a lot of tense moments. I was hugely relieved that Ruby didn’t go all the way through with Rozzy’s egg-stealing plan, and even more relieved that the egg’s occupant survived the ordeal. I’m glad that Ruby finally got her memory back as well. (I just hope she won’t be afraid of water for the rest of her life.)
On a more critical note, I personally think you could have left out the gag with the hatchling longneck at the end of the chapter. Urological humor just doesn’t suit an LBT story in my opinion. (But then, I’ve never found that sort of thing funny anyway. Just another example of the extreme discrepancy between your sense of humor and mine. :p)
In this case I wasn't trying to be funny. The idea was to strike a contrast between Ruby and Littlefoot in LBT2 with Chomper in a realistic parenting situation. I wanted to use it to develop her character a bit more but the chapter was so long as it was I decided to skip it to keep the story moving. My original draft had her teaching it to walk and eat and probably sing a song too (I wouldn't even attempt to write one of those). The idea with this was that being a parent came more naturally to Ruby because she is so close to her parents, compared to Littlefoot who kind of winged it.
At this point, if I added my usual list of typographical nitpicks, it would make this post too long-winded. Would you like me to send you the edits in a PM instead?
Sure, as always I appreciate having an editor watching my back. :smile
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Arg writer's cramp... happens when you have too many characters in too many places. Part III has four seperate things going on and maybe five so its a very discontinuous chapter to have to write. Sets things up good for the climax in Part IV however.
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Part III:
Setting: Late morning at the Crater Lake in the Mysterious Beyond. The great circle had already risen high in the sky to commence it’s daily baking of the landscape. The prescence of a lake allowed for an oasis of life to form. Even a small forest of trees covered a side of the water providing a nice shelter to rest under. The rest of the area was full of scattered grasses and sand, with a rocky beach nearby.
<Littlefoot awoke from his slumber and yawned. The first thing he noticed as he rose was how hot the sun had become already. The intense heat was baking his skin – he must have slept in a long time. Over in the water Ducky was playing with Ruby’s two siblings while Chomper watched from the shore. Spike was unsurprisingly still asleep and Cera was close by eating some tree-stars off the low hanging branches. Ruby’s parents – Cassius and Florienne – were nowhere to be seen>
Cera: <addressing Littlefoot> Finally up sleepyhead?
Littlefoot: <rubs his eyes> Ugh… I didn’t sleep well last night.
Cera: Speak for yourself… the ground here is nice and soft. It’s nicer here then it is at home in the valley!
Littlefoot: <looks around> Where’s Ruby’s folks?
Cera: <responds> Beats me, they left before me and Ducky even got up.
Littlefoot: <optimistic> Well they can’t have gone far, lets go after them.
<Just as Littlefoot said it the two elder fast runners emerged from behind the crest of the ridge. Ruby’s dad’s injury from the earlier day was covered in a sticky herbal paste that looked like it had just been applied. His mate fussed over him as he walked>
Florienne: Stop shaking so much it’s dripping off… we don’t want it to get infected like the last one.
Cassius: <annoyed> It’s nothing dear, this one is not as deep.
Florienne: Here… <stops him and begins to redo her dressing> You shouldn’t push it like you do out there… I don’t know what I would tell the kids if you didn’t come back.
Cassius: <admits> I know… but that’s how I am and it’s something that will never change. <smiles politely>
Florienne: <smiles back> And that’s why I love you. <nips him on the cheek as she finishes spreading the medicine>
Cassius: <blushes>
Littlefoot: <padding up to them> Hi Mr. and Mrs. Fastrunner!
Florienne: Good morning Littlefoot.
Cassius: The same… I think it’s about time I took you young ones back to your parents.
Cera: Yeah… my daddy has probably torn down the entire valley by now looking for me.
Littlefoot: But what about Ruby, aren’t we going to look for her?
Florienne: <moves to say something, but instead turns to her mate for the answer>
Cassius: <wisely> I’m afraid it’s out of our hand’s Littlefoot. <sad tone> If she is alive and she’s out there somewhere then she will find her way back… as she always has.
Florienne: <worried> But what if she is out there all alone and hurt… Cassius we have to look for her.
Cassius: Be that as it may our first responsibility is to return these young ones to their home. <turns to Littlefoot> If you could eat your fill and gather your friends we will depart soon… before the Great Circle is too hot.
Cera: <moans> Figures… I knew we weren’t going to get any rest…
…
Ducky: This next game is called “Swimmer and Splasher” and it’s really really fun, it is. We play it in the Great Valley whenever we are bored-did.
<The twins look at each other in confusion, as if she is speaking sharptooth>
Chomper: It’s like this… <hops down into the water> Somebody closes their eyes and holds their hands out… if they touch someone the one they caught becomes the swimmer instead! When you say “swimmer” then everyone has to say “splasher” so you can hear where they are.
Male: That’s silly!
Female: And you can’t see!
Ducky: It is not that hard, you play in a river or other small water place so the others can’t swim away to hide from you!
<Ducky and Chomper attempt to get a game going, but unfortunately get interrupted by Littlefoot before they can get started>
Littlefoot: Come on guys… we’ve gotta go home before our parents come looking for us.
Ducky: Oh no, no, no. We will be in big trouble, we will.
Littlefoot: <sighs> I know... but at least Chomper is safe and Ruby’s parents know what happened. If her dad is right she is still out there somewhere, alive.
Ducky: I hope so… I miss her very much.
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Setting: The Great Valley meeting place. Once more it is full of concerned parents of all shapes and sizes all talking at the same time.
<Petrie sat with his mother on a higher ledge. Below them the rest of the dinosaurs were discussing the recent disappearance of some of their children. It was a very alarming event, as they had been sure to keep keen watch on them at all times. Accusations were running rampant and the noise was so overwhelming Petrie was hiding behind his mother>
Petrie: <looking up> They gone… me can’t believe they just gone!
Petrie’s Mom: Oh I’m sure they haven’t gone far. I’m not surprised they’ve run off, considering how restrictive we all have been lately. Young ones need freedom and room to grow.
Petrie: But they still leave me here, I thought they my friends!
Petrie’s Mom: I wouldn’t worry about it dear…
Petrie: I missing out on an adventure! It not fair! <stomps in slight anger>
Petrie’s Mom: It’s for the best…you can’t be wandering off into the mysterious beyond alone like you used to – its not a safe place for young fliers out there.
Petrie: But…but…
<Topsy was yelling at the longnecks again, but that was nothing new. Everyone knew he had a grudge against them because of how smart they were… but it wasn’t worth addressing. He was harmless, and was even a good contributor to the valley on his best days. Petrie’s mother turned away from him and spoke her views to the others, but that didn’t matter to him. Petrie sighed and thought about all the things he was missing out on while his friends were gone. Just as an image of them swimming in some far away water-hole crossed his mind another flier landed softly next to him>
Guido: <astonished> Wow… I’m really getting the hang of this landing thing.
Petrie: They leave me here Guido… maybe they not my friends after all…
Guido: Oh it’s not like that at all Petrie.
Petrie: <prods him verbally> How you know?
Guido: Umm…<thinks about it for a moment> I just do. Sometimes you know things and you just don’t know why. <shrugs>
<Feeling it wasn’t worth talking about anymore, Petrie turned away and crossed his arms. Sensing he was needed Guido sat down beside Petrie and threw him a polite smile>
Guido: I’ll tell you what… you and I can go together.
Petrie: But, where you going?
Guido: Well…umm…<rubs the back of his neck> I kind of don’t know. I just feel there’s a little more for me somewhere else.
<Guido didn’t know how to say it, but he still hadn’t stopped thinking about that other flier he had met who looked just like him. He was starting to think it was an illusion of his mind, and that she had never existed at all. On top of that though he had begun to feel that there was a place he had come from where he belonged and that he could go back there to find what was missing in his life>
Petrie: <bewildered> What you talking about Guido?
Guido: What I’m saying is…
Petrie’s Mom: <turns around> Neither of you will be going anywhere.
<Petrie and Guido looked shocked both at once. Petrie because of how forceful the remark was, and Guido because someone was challenging his right to leave to valley>
Petrie’s Mom: Both of you are coming with us to find your friends.
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Setting: Rozzy’s family den at dawn. The leaves furrow in the light wind as the sky is periodically lit up with distant lightning strikes. They were so frequent that even Rozzy, who doesn’t care about the weather, looked up to admire their power. The awakening lift of the Great Circle was just drifting over the horizon to dispel the dew and cold of the night.
<As Rozzy approached the den, tired from the long night he had just had, his mother was waiting for him at the entrance along with his father. They didn’t look happy to see him>
Shira: Where have you been?
Rozzy: Away from you.
Shira: <angrily> Don’t talk to me that way. <looks around> Where is Ruby?
Rozzy: I left her back in the bush… she was too slow to catch up.
Shira: You mean you left her out there!?! She was in your care, do you have any idea how irresponsible and selfish that is?
Rozzy: Why should I care what happens to her when she isn’t even one of our kind? I’m not a babysitter for whatever pathetic creature happens to show up at our hole and you shouldn’t be either mother.
Shira: <mad> Don’t make me do something I’m going to regret Rozzy!
Rozzy: <sneers> Like what?
Shira: <parries him> Like kicking you out of the den! You’re old enough to take care of yourself.
Ozzy: <warns him> Don’t make things worse for yourself boy. You’re already in enough trouble as it is.
Rozzy: <yelling> I’ve taken care of myself since I came out of the egg… what have you two ever done for me?
Ozzy: <hisses> We raised you, fed you, and gave you a place to race your sorry ungrateful little head at our own expense!
Shira: Ozzy stop it, I can handle this.
Ozzy: <sinisterly> I’ve held back long enough… I’m going to teach this hatchling a lesson he will never forget.
Rozzy: <growls> Try me.
<In a flash Ozzy leaps forward to fight his son, but ends up missing with his feet talons scraping the dirt. Rozzy leaps out of the way just in time. He knows he can’t beat his dad in a one on one fight, so he takes the next best option – running. With a start Rozzy flees into the bush as fast as he can, which fortunately for him is almost as fast as his father. Rozzy reaches the bushes and dives in with Ozzy hot on his tail. In the messy underbrush his smaller size proves advantageous as he outpaces his father by weaving through the brush and avoiding small obstacles. Rather then bothering to pursue Rozzy any longer, Ozzy stops and lets him go>
Ozzy: <yelling> You can’t run forever boy - eventually you will come crawling back!
<Rozzy ignores him as he continues to sprint into the forest. Turning back to his home Ozzy wipes a dash of blood off his face, caused by the vicious thorns. He scowls as he approaches his mate, who can’t help but stare after her son as the sounds of his movement fade into the dawn air. A small tear runs down her face as she wonders where she failed as a parent>
…
<Rozzy eventually came to a stop at the very edge of the Dawn Valley. This close to the ocean the wind was usually calm and refreshing, but today it was extremely strong. So strong in fact that Rozzy hid behind a rock to escape its wraith. He sat there calmly trying to catch his breath. He was exhausted and emotionally spent, and even with his iron will he was still at his wits end>
Rozzy: <lays back and closes his eyes and begins to brood over the day’s happenings>
<Rozzy wished that maybe he had been a bit nicer to Ruby… after all she was right, stealing was wrong even though he did it and even enjoyed it. There were far worse beings in the world then her…his parents being the ones that came to mind… and he wished he could hold her again just to feel as warm and secure as he had that morning. His future was uncertain, but at this point it certainly didn’t look good. In the middle of his brooding an object much larger then the leaves that were blowing by in the wind landed next to him. It was Syndra>
Rozzy: <unkindly> What are you doing here?
Syndra: <catching her breath> I’m glad I finally found you… you have to hide me!
<Syndra sounded desperate, which was unusual>
Rozzy: Why, who is after you?
Syndra: <grips his sides and blurts in his face> Who you do think?
Rozzy: <pushes her off> Whatever, I don’t care… I’ve dealt with enough today I don’t wanna deal with you too.
<Syndra sees his reaction, and calms down>
Syndra: <sighs and looks away> The elders are after me… what happened in the nesting grounds spread around and they are going to punish me to make peace with the land walkers.
Rozzy: So?
<Syndra looks at Rozzy in a manner that he had never seen before – she was afraid>
Syndra: <desperately> They are going to pull out my feathers!!! I’ll be hideous and crippled for months until they grow back. Do you have any idea what I would look like with no wings?
<Rozzy just looks at her blankly, and doesn’t answer>
Syndra: <looks at the ground and changes to a softer tone> I admit, I haven’t been the nicest flier in the world. You and the grey one are the only real friends I’ve ever had; I was just trying to look like I was in charge when it was really all you. I just kind of tagged along. <shrugs>
<Syndra turned to Rozzy, and for the first time she looked sincere and vulnerable. Rozzy smiled back>
Rozzy: Thanks.
Syndra: <smiles briefly, before going back to looking at the ground> … I didn’t want things to happen this way… some of the older fliers wanted me to be killed for what I did.
Rozzy: <opens up> I fought with my parents today… and I’m never going back. It looks like both of us don’t belong here anymore.
<The atmosphere echoed the turbulence in the minds of the two young dinosaurs. Both of them had become separated from their home, yet neither was going to suffer the indignity of saying what needed to be said about their friendship. Eventually Rozzy caved in>
Rozzy: <timidly> Would you like to come with me? We can run away from this place together if you want.
<She didn’t let it show but Syndra was feeling warm inside because even after all the bad things she had said he still actually wanted her around>
Syndra: Well… I’m not doing any running. <pauses to consider a more friendly answer> But… I guess I would like to come with you… <grins> …To share your meals.
<The egg-stealer and the flier linked hands and shook to seal the deal>
Rozzy: This is unusual, an egg-stealer and a…. whatever you are… as friends.
Syndra: <looks slightly insulted, but doesn’t mention it> We’ve got along pretty good so far… <warns him mockingly> Just don’t push me, okay?
Rozzy: <without a second thought> Done…
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<Ruby trekked timidly with the baby longneck asleep in her arms. She held him close to keep both him and her warm, as the wind had picked up majorly and in some places made it difficult to move. Her mission was to return the hatchling to its mommy, but it was so cute she was almost tempted to take care of him herself. She knew now however that she had friends and family out there who were looking for her and she needed to get back to them as soon as she could. As Ruby finally broke through the trees to the clearing that contained the nesting grounds a silence gripped the entire place. Occasional snores erupt from the massive beasts but she had heard sounds like that before and wasn’t alarmed. Following her nose she walked lightly up to the longnecks, who were both sleeping. It was tough to decide which one was the mother, and in the end she just guessed>
Ruby: <softly> Hello… can you please wake up I have something that belongs to you.
<fortunately the large female was a light sleeper. Her eyes popped open and she yawned loudly. A look of slight annoyance donned on her face>
Female Longneck: Young one, could you go back to your nest? Your mother is probably looking for you…
Ruby: No… I have a baby who just hatched, and I think that I know he belongs to you.
Female Longneck: <still half asleep> … What? It can’t be… <she motions to wake her mate> Delaron wake up!
<The Male longneck mumbles in his sleep, but soon gets up as the female kicks him>
Male Longneck: <groggily> What’s the matter dear… the Great Circle hasn’t even risen yet.
Female Longneck: Look!
<Ruby lied the young longneck down on the ground. He had awoken when Ruby had entered the nesting grounds, and was now taking his first steps. It was an amusing procedure as he attempted to sort out the laws of physics that allowed him to move. Ruby decided to help him>
Ruby: Put one foot in front of your other foot… like this. <she demonstrates>
<The baby attempts the first step and stumbles and nearly falls. The second time he figures out he needs to step with both feet on one side, and does so. The whole time his parents watched speechless>
Ruby: <stands in front of him, and he giggles at her> Now try it again with the other side! <lifts her right leg and sets it down>
<The tiny dinosaur tries it and succeeds, and proceeds to walk towards Ruby>
Female Longneck: This is incredible… can it be?
<Ruby moves out of the way as the large longneck lowers her face to see her newborn. He looks at her curiously at first, but then she sniffs him and he sniffs her back. She licks him affectionately, knocking him over. Ruby had a sense of dÈj‡ vu, but couldn’t remember where she had seen it before. Perhaps it was just from a dream she had. The longneck mother and father got acquainted with their baby and after a while they addressed Ruby>
Male Longneck: I don’t know how you did it, but you have returned the value to our lives… thank you.
Female Longneck: We owe you a debt child…I must ask, who are you and where are your parents?
Ruby: Oh I’m Ruby… and I’m actually trying to find my family. You wouldn’t happen to know the way to the Great Valley?
Female Longneck: Of course we do… Delaron will guide you until the edge of the Dawn Valley, and show you the rest of the way.
Male Longneck: As you wish… <rises and beckons Ruby to follow> Come with me.
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Awesome chapter! :D I like stories with multiple separate narratives that converge for the climax. :smile In this case, it looks like everyone’s heading out for one reason or another. I’m very eager to see how these four parties are going to meet and subsequently interact.
A couple of things I was curious about: Are the “elders” Syndra speaks of Microraptor gui like herself, or are they other types of flyers (e.g., pterosaurs)? Also, where’d you get the name for the adult male longneck (Delaron)? It’s a good name. :yes
I’ll send you a PM with my edits for this chapter. ;)
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The elders that Syndra speaks of are actually the oldest of the flying leaf-eaters in the dawn valley. Because the nature of this place is so different from the Great Valley the creatures of the air, land, and sea rarely interact directly but generally view each other as intelligent equals while reserving judgement on them.
When Syndra tormented the land-walkers it greatly disturbed the peace and upon hearing about it the oldest of the fliers immeadiatley decided to punish her, similar to how society today reacts to hate crimes. It was also as a meant as a neutralizing gesture to prevent the land-walkers from doing the same to the birds and starting a war.
Delaron is a name entirely of my own creation... because the Longneck Father is a nothing character I just did it quickly. In retrospect he should have been nameless, but the need for a name came up in the script so I used it.
...
Also, what do you think of how Rozzy and Syndra's characters?
Rozzy was introduced into my story to give readers a new view on Ozzy - who appears in so many fan-fics he has attained LBT "Greatness"- from the view of his neglected son. At one point you have to feel sorry for Rozzy... but also reconize that there is a shred of good in him and he has self control that his father never had.
He is also witty and outsmarts many of his friends and foes when he speaks to them... one of his good lines is: "I’m not a babysitter for whatever pathetic creature happens to show up at our hole and you shouldn’t be either mother"
Rozzy also has a slight crush on Ruby... if you noticed :oops
Syndra is my favourite character because she is such a good "bad" main character. The things she does are not dispicable, but are meant to appeal to the inner desire we all have at some point to just "watch things burn". She is also sensitive as well, and behind the walls she puts up she is actually very nice and sweet, kind of like Cera.
A prodominant character trait I wanted to emphasize as well is how she can also be very funny... I like her "You know sea-food isn't off the menu" line :lol
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Caustizer, you PM'ed me about why Pangaea seems to be the sole reviewer.
I believe I have found the cause: no offense or anything, but I've found out that script-style fiction doesn't appeal to as much people as prose or poetry style fiction. Though the plot is good and the descriptions vivid, it loses a lot of its charm when presented in the style of a script (complete with stage directions).
Also, the title is (somewhat) misleading. It took me careful reading of the synopsis to understand the title.
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Part IV:
Setting: A place in the Mysterious Beyond known as the Whispering Canyon. A long time ago there was a river that ran through here, but now eons of drought have sucked it dry, leaving a nothing but a dusty riverbed in an arid, rocky landscape. Interestingly though today there is an omen of rain to come, as the billowing hurricane in the distance covered the horizon with a mat of jet black. Even the oldest who had seen such storms before could not help but admire it, albight from a distance. The wind suddenly changed direction, blowing inward towards the storm. Just like the events about to unfold, the weather was turbulent and violent – mother nature wasn’t in the mood for mercy today.
<Cassius escorted Littlefoot, Chomper, Ducky, Spike and Cera along the rocky edges of the canyon. This time he went a bit slower so the young ones could keep up – and also so he could keep an eye on them. Many small tributaries dissected from the main river and had cut deep paths through the hard rock, so they were easy to follow. Cassius was reassured that this was the same route he knew was safe and was the fastest way to get the children in his charge home>
Cassius: <calls back to them> Keep up kids… it shouldn’t be too far now.
<a violent crack of thunder pierces the sky, causing everyone to jump in surprise>
Littlefoot: Wow… the sky is pretty angry today.
Cassius: It’s the worst I’ve seen in a while Littlefoot… all the more reason why we must keep moving. Keep up please.
<As Ruby’s father ushered them on, the gang reached a high ridge that formed a steep drop to the land below. To their left the small canyon the river carved ended abruptly in what looked like an ancient waterfall that would have passed over the ridge, if there was actually water in it. Cassius grumbled… it looked like he would have to find a shallower slope down the side if he was to get them home>
Cera: <notices something in the distance> Hey, look over there!
Ducky: <brings her hand to her eyes to block out the sun> What is it Cera? I do not see anything.
Littlefoot: <squints and picks up a familiar sight in his vision> It’s Grandma and Grandpa… and all the others!
Chomper: <sniffs the air> Yep… it’s them alright.
Cera: Great… now we get to be punished by our parents again. <turns to Cassius and says jokingly> Can you be my daddy instead?
Cassius: <smiles> I’m afraid not… now, it is here that my journey ends.
<the gang runs along ahead and down the slope, some with more enthusiasm then others. Only Chomper and Littlefoot remain behind to say a few brief words>
Chomper: See ya later Mr. Fastrunner! <waves and departs>
Cassius: Goodbye Chomper… <turns his attention to Littlefoot> … Are you feeling better now?
Littlefoot: <unsure> Ya I think so… I hope we meet again sometime!
Cassius: I’m sure we will young longneck… I’m sure we will. <he nods politely as Littlefoot runs to catch up with his friends>
…
<After a short run the children met up with their parents, who weren’t expecting to find them so soon. It was a relieved reunion as they exchanged greetings and stories. Once the initial shock had passed, the scolding began. Near the end of the speech about disobedience – which was generously provided by Mr. Threehorn – Grandpa Longneck asked the important question>
Grandpa: Littlefoot… why did you children run away?
Littlefoot: We didn’t… Chomper left and we were worried, so we went to find him.
<Topsy mumbled something about the less sharpteeth in the valley the better, but most of the parents ignored this and instead looked to Chomper for an explanation>
Chomper: I had to! Ruby’s parents didn’t know what happened to her and nobody knew them enough to tell them… it was bothering me and I thought since my mommy and daddy didn’t live in the valley nobody would notice.
Grandma: Why didn’t you tell us? I’m sure one of Terra’s kin could have been a messenger so nobody would have to be put in danger.
<Chomper looked down in shame… Grandma was right, and he should have thought things over more before just leaving>
Grandpa: Regardless of your reasons we are all glad that everyone is safe and sound so we can go home at last.
<To this everyone agreed. As the small group jostled to depart back the way they had came, a shrill scream filled the air>
Ducky: <yelling> Fast-biters… they have found us!
<Both the parents and their children turn about wildly to face the ring of sharpteeth that suddenly emerged from behind rocks and overtop cliffs. They had been caught completely by surprise, a perfectly planned ambush>
Ducky’s Mom: The little ones, protect the little ones!
<The warning went unheard as all the dinosaurs looked about in panic for a route of escape. In the confusion Blackray and two of her kin hopped down from a tall rock and made straight for the gang. They moved so quickly that the closest adult, Topsy, barely saw them>
Topsy: Back off Sharpteeth!
<Mr. Threehorn charged, but missed his target as the smaller and more agile fast-biters dodged out of the way. The rest of them went after the parents and closed in a deadly circle around them to prevent escape>
Cera: <in alarm> They’re coming for us!
Petrie: <swoops down> We must think of something quick!
Littlefoot: This way! <leads them back up the cliffs they came from just a few minutes before>
<Blackray and her two sons were fast, and they gained ground on the gang a lot faster then they would have liked. By the time they reached the path up the cliffs the vicious female fast-biter was snapping at Spike’s heels>
Spike: <cries out in fear>
Littlefoot: Hurry Spike!
<A loud and thunderous roar fills the air, and unexplainably Blackray and her sons backed off from their prey. Without pondering what happened Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, Petrie and Chomper all dashed up as fast as they could and only stopping once they had reached the safety of the top>
Cera: What’s going on… they let us go!
Littlefoot: I don’t think so, that sounded like it was…
Chomper: Redclaw!!!
<sure enough the beastly shadow of their great nemesis appeared on a nearby rock face. The thunderous stomping of his feet caused the small pebbles on the ground to bounce up and down>
Cassius: <emerging from the maze of trenches that composed the dried out river> I’ve got you kids…follow me, hurry!
Littlefoot: This way everyone!
<Just as the gang moved towards Ruby’s father Redclaw jumped down into the deep path from his perch above where he had used his shadow to scare the children into revealing themselves. Caught completely by surprise, Cassius was directly under him and at his mercy. With one fell swoop of his tail Redclaw through the Fastrunner off his feet and into the rocky wall. There was a sickening crunch as he connected with the immobile rock wall>
Littlefoot: No!
Ducky: <screams> Spike, keep running!
Petrie: <looks around frantically and spots another path> This way… it a shortcut away from vicious sharpteeth!
<without hesitation the gang rush down Petrie’s shortcut with Redclaw following close behind. Blood and murder shone in his eyes>
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<The parents were holding their own, but many of them were cut and injured where the fast-biters had struck forward and retreated in a battle of attrition. Running was not an option for them as they were still completely surrounded. Grandpa Longneck kept them all together>
Grandpa: Stand together… we can protect one another!
<Blackray returned from her brief duties to rejoin the fight. Now that Redclaw had gotten his desire to kill children it was her turn to take her fill… starting with the parents. As the leader of the pack it was her job to choose the target to kill and attack, prompting the others to follow. She sized up the large longneck who appeared to be leading them. He would do just fine… lots of good meat. Suddenly one of her own struck her from behind, gashing her back and knocking her over. Enraged, Blackray turned to her traitorous assailant only to find he wasn’t one of her own at all. He was part of another pack>
Thudd: <bears his teeth in challenge>
Blackray: <snarls> Who are you to challenge me?
Thudd: The son of one of your dead mates… we have a score to settle.
Blackray: <chuckles menacingly> So be it…
<The two fast-biters engaged, fighting a battle to the death>
…
Cera: <screams> He’s gaining on us!
<Cera was right, and it wasn’t long before Redclaw was nearly on them. The pathway opened up into a large basin entrenched within the rocky mesa. There were only two methods of escape… back the way they came or through a small opening into the dried up river. Both options closed as soon as they entered with Redclaw hot on their tails, and soon Redclaw backed them into a corner. There was a flash of lightning and the rain started to fall as the vicious sharptooth glowered in anticipation>
Chomper: <covers his eyes> That’s it… he’s got us.
Ducky: <as both her and Spike cower> This is very very bad, it is.
Littlefoot: <admitting> I’m sorry guys… I let you all down.
<Redclaw sniffed the air as he observed his prey. It wasn’t right… the one he was looking for was missing. Chomper caught onto his delay>
Chomper: <yells> She’s not here, she died when we were running from you!
<Something wasn’t right… the little biter spoke sincerely but Redclaw still felt the same burning desire he had when his mate had first died on the ridge. His prey was alive, even if she wasn’t with her friends. Working to an end, Redclaw decided to kill her friends instead for all the hassle they had put him through. Teeth bared, he moved in and all at once the children screamed>
Ruby: Stay away from my friends!
<That voice… Redclaw recognized it. He turned and sniffed the new comer and the familiar scent filled his ravenous nostrils. Ruby glared at him defiantly as she stood in the gap in the trench that lead out to the dead river. She didn’t look the least bit scared>
Ducky: <excited> It’s Ruby… it is, it is!
Chomper: Ruby? <uncovers his eyes> … Ruby!!!
<Cassius rose as far as his broken body would allow and reached out to his daughter>
Cassius: Ruby… don’t!
Ruby: <turns to her father in surprise> Daddy?
<Redclaw didn’t hesitate for a moment. Jaws distended he lunged for Ruby but missed as she retreated further into the narrow gap, jamming his wide nose between each side. He growled and rolled in frustration as he realized he was stuck. The rain continued to pour>
Ruby: <wags a finger at him> Serves you right!
<Using his own raw strength Redclaw breaks free, sending chunks of rock and clay everywhere. Snarling, he bursts into the ancient riverbed to get even with the prey that tricked him. Faced with a spur of the moment decision Ruby dashes towards the ridge but comes up to a sheer drop – the ancient waterfall>
Ruby: Oh no! <stopping at the edge>
…
<Blackray was the most tenacious fighter Thudd had ever fought. As her next of kin looked on she slashed, charged, and snapped with all her might. Thudd was marred with wounds…but he had also dished out some severe punishment of his own>
Blackray: You look ready to die.
Thudd: Not before you… you will pay for what you did.
Blackray: <grins, revealing all her sharpteeth> You speak to me of evil deeds, and yet you are far worse then I could ever aspire to be.
Thudd: <bears his own teeth in return> Then there’s only room for one of us on this cold dead rock!
<The two viciously snapped at each other. Nearby, the fast-biters are still striking occasionally at the parents but they are tired and wounded from the long battle. The focus of their attention now divided between the prey and the brutal fight for leadership of the pack, and it was only up to them to hold off until the victor emerged>
Blackray: <licks some of Thudd’s blood off her claws> Ahhh… you taste just like your father.
<As Thudd glared at Blackray a bolt of white lightning struck the rock behind him causing a deafening thunderclap and a burst of bright light. Blackray recoiled to shield her eyes from the intense radiance, and Thudd quickly took advantage of it. He lurched forward and clamped his jaws around her neck. Blackray screeched and rolled in an attempt to get him off, but was unable to muster the strength to do so. After a few moments she stopped struggling. Sensing the fight now belonged to him, he let her go and she fell limp to the ground>
Blackray: <looked up and spat a mouthful of blood> You honourless traitor…
Thudd: <snarls> I was only returning the favour… mother.
<Without another moment of delay he bends over and with a final aggressive reef he snaps her neck>
…
<Redclaw licked his lips and steadily advanced forward. The prey he had pursued for almost his entire adult life was finally at long last in his grasp, so there was no need to rush. Ruby, trapped against the Cliffside, had nowhere to run. She looked around for a way out but there was none – only death. She silently prayed that somebody – anybody – would help her but as she stared down the beast all her friends were gone… no one to save her. At the most desperate moment the earth suddenly heaved a great rumble, causing both Redclaw and Ruby to stagger on their feet>
Ruby: What the?
<Redclaw righted himself, and in a moments distraction he turned around to see what had caused the feeble interruption. What he saw was a sight that no creature – big or small – wished to see. A wall of water at least twice as tall as he was screamed down the river towards him like the tide of death itself. It was so incredible that his jaw actually dropped. Coming in from the massive floodplain that was the mysterious beyond the hurricane had dumped gallons and gallons of rain into an environment that received that much every two centuries. The dry landscape couldn’t drain it all, so it funnelled into the ancient river like a massive inland tidal wave. For the first time in eons the storm tide rose and thundered down the dried up river, eating all in it’s path. From the cliffs above where she stood Ruby heard a voice calling out>
Rozzy: Ruby! The vines… jump for the vines!
<Ruby looked up and saw the egg-stealer, who was furiously pointing to a bushel of vines that grew out of the rock a few metres where she stood. Below them was a hundred foot drop>
Ruby: <turns in fright and watches as the wall of water consumes Redclaw whole and dons a look of determination and defiance> … You won’t get me this time.
<With a running start Ruby makes the jump of her life. Moments after she boosted off the cliff the wall of water consumed it and pounded over the edge. Reaching out with her mouth she grabbed the vine and swung with it as the water thundered by, just missing her as it cascaded over the ledge>
Rozzy: <yells down> Hang on I’ll pull you up… <turns to the flier next to him, who had taken to watching the water crush the dry canyon walls under it’s weight> Syndra give me a hand here!
Syndra: <scoffs> Are you serious?
Rozzy: <desperately> Help me… I can’t hang on alone!
Syndra: Fine…
<Just as Syndra joins Rozzy in pulling up the vine there is a small thud behind her as another flier makes his appearance>
Guido: I c-can’t believe it… I found you! <she shoots him a dirty look> Don’t you recognize me? <opens his wings> It’s me… Guido!
Syndra: <roars over the waterfall> I don’t care who you are… just help me pull!
Guido: <embarrassed> Oh… <does his signature light laugh>… Sorry. <he grips the vine and joins the effort>
<The three if them pull hard on the vine and manage to pull Ruby up. The moment she reaches the top she lunges forward into Rozzy’s embrace. Now familiar with the gesture he brings her in close and wraps his arms around her. He remembers how nice her wet feathers felt>
Ruby: Thank you.
Rozzy: <smiles> Don’t worry about it.
<Against the course of the rushing water a muffled roar could be heard from below as Redclaw fought to remain above the water. Mercilessly, it dragged him under to his doom. Ruby watched as he disappeared beneath the surface forever. After seeing what she wanted to see Ruby turned and tucked in closer to Rozzy. As the roar of the rain and falling water filled the air the cliff itself began to break up. As if to symbolize the end of Redclaw, the porous rock crashed and buckled under the weight of the water and collapsed down into the raging river. Finally, it was over>
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One last chapter to go... the epilogue.
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Whoa :o...so that was the climax...Very well written. :yes
The four groups met up a lot sooner than I expected them to. Actually, the climacticness (can that be a real word? :P:) of the whole chapter sort of took me by surprise (probably because of the contrast in drama levels between this chapter and the last one :p). At any rate, I loved it.
I was glad to see Thud return in this chapter to play a significant role. Now that I think about it, though, I’m a little surprised that the two sharpteeth Chomper mistook for his parents in Act I didn’t make a reappearance as well. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that; I’m guessing you intended them to be minor characters from the start. :p)
Oh, and the part where Guido reunites with Syndra made me chuckle. :lol
This is the part where, regardless of the tone of the story, things become bittersweet for me :p; I’m eager to see how the epilogue will wrap things up, but sad to see such a great story come to an end. :cry
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The epilogue is actually more of a tying of lose ends... there are so many of them now to be accounted for that you will probably like it the most out of my entire story (I always love the part when all the questions get answered)
- Will Rozzy make things up with his parents?
- How does Guido's affection for Syndra end up?
- What happens to Thudd now?
- Where are Chomper's parents?
- Is Ruby's dad okay?
- Do Chomper and Thudd become friends?
Stay tuned... and btw thanks a lot for sticking with me without you reviewing my work Pangea I never would have finished it. :angel
The sequal is already in the works - it's called Land Before Time: The Far Away Home and I got special permission from Sky to use his characters... I got a really good story ready for this one :DD
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You're very welcome. :) It feels good to know I was helpful. (I'll send you my proofreading feedback for this chapter soon. ;))
I can't wait for the epilogue, or for your next story. :DD
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Part V:
Setting: The Whispering Canyon. The rain continues to pound as the full might of the hurricane bears down on the previously arid and dead river. The raging winds are still a few miles away, for now. After spending much of its energy in an initial burst the river was calming down, and was now almost shallow enough to walk through.
<Rozzy and Ruby still remained close together for a while, enjoying each other’s company until suddenly they were called to from across the river>
Littlefoot: Hey Ruby… we’re over here!
<The gang waved as Ruby turned to face them, and she waved back>
Ruby: Hey guys, It’s good to see you!
Petrie: The water shallow enough to move across…come on!
<Eager to see her friends, Ruby slid down and into the foot-deep water and splashed across to the other side. Timidly Rozzy followed her, but received no attention from the gang as they were busy hugging Ruby who for so long had been lost to them>
Chomper: I’m glad you’re back Ruby… I missed you.
Ruby: I missed you too Chomper.
…
<Down by the bottom of the waterfall Thudd looked down into the rushing water with satisfaction. With both of his greatest enemies dead or dying the lust for vengeance which had driven him on suddenly lifted. Nodding slightly, he permitted the two fast-biters who had been watching the fight to eat the corpse of their mother. They worked quickly to get their next meal into them before it was gone>
Thudd: <snorts> I guess this makes me leader…
<One of the fast-biters tilted his head up and bowed slightly>
Fast-biter: What are your commands?
Thudd: Hmm…
<Thudd looks up on the cliff and sees Chomper waving at him gleefully, as if the little biter was actually his friend. He allowed himself a small smile and a slight nod to acknowledge the gesture>
Thudd: Move out… we are done here.
Fast-biter: <snarls> The others will not be happy… we have not eaten in days.
Thudd: <evil grin> Oh there’s a meal waiting for them alright… tell them to follow me down river where I’m sure we will find an old friend waiting for us.
Fast-biter: As you say.
<Thudd relished the fact that now he would get to avenge his brother by eating the vile villain who made him what he was>
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<A few moments after the initial greeting Ruby found her father, who had managed to stagger to his feet and limp over to see what had become of her>
Ruby: Daddy! <links arms with him>… you’re okay. <she licks his cheek>
Cassius: <laughs weakly> I guess death wasn’t ready for me yet.
Ruby: I’m so glad your safe… I’ve missed you so much.
Cassius: Ruby… I’m sorry for what I did.
Ruby: <looks confused>
Cassius: I’m sorry for sending you away… I was wrong for making you go out on your own into a world that is so dangerous before you were ready. Can you forgive me?
Ruby: Of course I forgive you… <hugs him> If it wasn’t for you sending me away I would have never met my friends. <she turns to face the gang which now included Rozzy, Syndra and Guido who were silently watching her>
Cassius: <smiles> And quite the friends they turned out to be.
Florienne: <calls out as she runs towards them> Ruby…Ruby!
Ruby: <cries out in joy> Mommy!
< The entire fast runner family joined together, with Ruby’s twins following right after their mother. They looked so happy together despite the pouring rain and crying winds that it reminded Rozzy of how his family was at home waiting for him and that despite what he had done they still loved him – well his mother at least. A small tear makes it’s way down his face, but thankfully the rain conceals it before anyone notices>
Syndra: <mockingly> Awe… isn’t this just OW!
<Syndra barks as Rozzy steps on her tail. She turns and glares at him with venomous eyes but slowly realizes that he was actually helping her. She grudgingly accepts the indignity>
Grandpa Longneck: <walks in from above the trench – he must have found a shallower way up the ridge> Ah I’m glad that everyone is safe… Littlefoot are you ready to come home now?
Littlefoot: Yes grandpa… <pauses for a moment> But do you mind if I bring a few friends back with me?
Grandpa Longneck: Oh… <he says in delighted recognition as he notices Ruby’s family> And you must be Ruby’s next of kin.
Cassius: <coughs>… We are, and I am her father. <stands up as straight as he can without displacing his broken ribs> Your son is truly a remarkable young longneck. <he looks over at Littlefoot, who beams back>
Grandpa: <laughs> He’s not my son… he is my grandson and it is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Fastrunner. Littlefoot has suggested that you might want to return to our valley with us… is that what you desire?
<Cassius observes the reactions of his family. Ruby and her siblings beg him to accept and his mate Florienne simply smiles and gestures him on. She would go wherever he did>
Cassius: Then perhaps it is time that we no longer ran the Mysterious Beyond. <smiles at his family>
Ducky: Hooray! Ruby’s whole family is coming home with us!
<Spike ran up and licked Ruby’s father on the cheek>
Ducky: Hehe I think he likes you!
<Cassius gave the young spiketail a proud glance, before turning back to his family>
Grandpa Longneck: Well then… let’s be gone before this wind and rain gets any worse.
<Everyone turns to leave out of the now soggy and wet trench system. Suddenly Littlefoot speaks up to his Grandpa>
Littlefoot: Hey Grandpa… would you mind if we find a place to rest? We could catch up when the rain stops.
Ruby: <to her dad> Yes… it would be nice to finally dry off in someplace dry. <frowns at her soaking wet feathers>
<Grandpa Longneck and Cassius look at each other>
Grandpa: Of course I don’t mind Littlefoot…
Cassius: Just be safe and don’t go anywhere alone… I won’t be there to save you kids this time <clutches his ribs again>
Littlefoot: We won’t… there’s a cave I saw back there we can stop in… who’s coming with us?
<practically everyone present was partial to the idea, so without further delay they made for the cave the young longneck had mentioned>
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Setting: The cave was small but it was large enough to fit all ten of them. It was also dry, a key feature that made it the most appealing real estate at that moment. The gang all sat in different parts of the cave to give each other plenty of room to dry out. Unsurprisingly Guido was positioned right next to Syndra.
<Littlefoot looked out on the whole room to see what his friends were doing. Cera was shivering and wet, which was why she hadn’t said anything for a while. Ducky was busy pulling a rock out of Spike’s foot, and eventually succeeded. Chomper was brushing Ruby’s feathers with his taloned claws to get the father out, and she looked grateful for the favour. Petrie was trying to get Guido’s attention but he was too busy copying Syndra, who was shaking her wings distastefully to get the water out. The other one – an egg-stealer he had never seen before – was gazing into his hands deep in thought. There was something shifty about him… like Littlefoot recognized him from somewhere else>
Ruby: <thanks Chomper and makes her way to the center of the floor> Hey everyone… I’d like to introduce my new friends!
<they all listen up>
Ruby: <points to the egg-stealer> This is Rozzy… he saved my life twice. Once after I fell in the river, and the other when I was jumping from the raging water. <She waves at him>
Rozzy: <spares a small glance of gratitude, but mostly remains unreadable> Yeah…thanks.
Ruby: <points to Syndra> And this is… umm…. ahh….<scratches her head> I’m sorry but I don’t know who you are.
Syndra: <corrects her insultingly> It’s Syndra.
Ruby: Well thanks for coming with us… <Ruby looks ashamed at how bad her introduction is going>
Guido: <speaks up> She looks just like me… the only one I’ve ever seen! <glances over at her> And she is also the most beautiful creature in the entire world.
Syndra: <turns on him> Listen buddy… I want nothing to do with you or your stupid friends so back off! <she flaps her wings threateningly>
Guido: <suddenly turns angry at the rejection> Oh yeah! <points at her> Well you owe me a kiss!
<the entire place went entirely silent except for Rozzy, who was laughing to himself>
Syndra: <surprised> What?
Guido: Remember on the rock! You promised me a kiss… <crosses his arms>
Syndra: Why you… you…
<Syndra fumes to herself as she squeezes her feet into the rock. After a while she regains her composure>
Syndra: Fine….fine. <she cools off, and licks her lips>
Guido: <suddenly chickens out> You know on second thought maybe this isn’t… <she leans towards him> … the right thing to do I mean we can still be friends I… <she chases him and backs him into a corner> … we can you know fly together and… No no please no!
<Syndra sticks out her tongue and licks him on the side of the face. Guido’s eyes roll back into his head and he passes out. Syndra leans back, satisfied at fulfilling her end of the bargain. All around the cave practically every dinosaur was laughing themselves into tears – even Cera. Syndra quietly thought to herself that it wasn’t half bad kissing a guy… if anything it actually felt kind of good>
Cera: <laughing> I don’t believe that… it was outrageous.
Ducky: You said it Cera, you did!
…
<Later in the day most of them were dried off, but the run still continued to pound outside without stopping. Littlefoot wondered if he would ever get home in this mess. Outside, a soggy, shadowy figure made his way towards the cave. With one final push against the wind he flowed into the cave and simultaneously all the children inside turned towards him>
Cera: I don’t believe it… it’s–
Ducky: <screams> The egg-napper!
<Littlefoot froze in horror as he suddenly realized why he recongized Rozzy so much… standing at entrance to the cave was an exact duplicate of him except with a grey coat. It was Ozzy, the egg-stealer who tried to murder him so many seasons ago>
Ozzy: <spitefully> Shut up all of you… I’m not here to fight.
<They took his lead as he surveyed the cave, and his eyes rested on the precise dinosaur he had come to see>
Ozzy: <beckons> Come with me Rozzy… I’m here to take you home.
Rozzy: <sneers> Why should I go anywhere with you?
Ozzy: Because…because… <he struggles as he chokes down his pride> … because I’m sorry.
<Rozzy couldn’t believe what he was hearing>
Ozzy: Your mother and I want you to come home… we are sorry for what we have done to you.
Rozzy: <lost for words> … Really?
Ozzy: Yes… now will you hurry up the weather is awful and I’m not in the mood to spend anymore time in it then I have to.
Rozzy: <thinks about it> I… okay I’ll go with you. <he glances back at Ruby> Goodbye.
<The two egg-stealers broke through the rain wall and walked off into the storm. Ruby watched them go, and she couldn’t bear it. There was still something she needed to say>
Ruby: Wait Rozzy wait! <she runs after him into the dark>
<She was afraid she wouldn’t catch up with him, but she did. On the side of the cliff he turned back to her>
Rozzy: <drops of water drip from his nose> What is it?
Ruby: <looks around to make sure nobody is watching, and jerks forward and kisses him>
<Their two noses meet for a moment… but to Ruby it felt like a lifetime. If only he had been born a fast-runner… they could have been together>
Ruby: <pulls back after a full minute> I’ll miss you.
Rozzy: I’ll miss you too.
<They held hands for a moment but they had to let go and they did… as he moved off into the storm and the rain she watched his figure disappear. Tears ran down her face, but they were not tears of pain and hurt, but tears of goodbye. She would never see him again>
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Epilogue:
<Things had almost returned to normal in the Great Valley. As time passes old wounds heal and this was true for many of the dinosaurs in the Great Valley. Cassius would never run again, but every day he spent raising his children was a day of joy and pride as he watched them grow. Eventually he died in his sleep, but by then his children had grown large and proud, and his son was ready to take his place. The gang still played together everyday, and now that they realized how much Ruby added to it they accepted her fully as one of their own. Every night Chomper looked to the stars, hoping that they might reveal where his parents were and if they were looking for him.>
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<Over a hundred miles away a large female and male sharptooth crossed the fiery chasms that spanned the fields of the Black Mountain. Taking a moment to rest, the female looked over to the horizon to where she knew her son was… a long way away. The male turns to her>
Male: Do you think we made the right choice?
Female: Of course we did… I knew he was different from the moment we found him.
Male: But leaving him with those fast runners…
Female: He belongs with them… not with us. I can only hope that when he grows up someday, he will be something great.
<She didn’t know how right she was>
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<Guido made a soft and controlled landing on a tree-branch he had chosen. Not soon after him Syndra made an equally good landing, and turned to him>
Syndra: Well your certainly getting better at this… maybe I’m not wasting my time.
Guido: <lustfully> How could I do wrong with you teaching me? You’re the best at everything.
Syndra: <questioningly> Are you flirting with me?
Guido: <caught by surprise> Well… I… ah…
Syndra: Well it worked. <And she kissed him on the cheek>
<Guido blushed and looked away… when he looked back he could see the lust in her eyes and they kissed again, this time not separating their noses. It was the best moment of his life>
Topsy: <calls up> Hey you two, break it up! Some of us are trying to eat down here.
Guido: Oh…um hi Mr. Threehorn. <waves timidly> …Sorry we just…
Syndra: <yells down> Bite me hornhead!
Topsy: <drops the roots in his mouth> WHAT did you say to me?
Syndra: I guess your thick skull must be blocking your ears too… deaf old fool.
<In a fit of rage Topsy charged the tree. Syndra grabbed Guido and pulled him into the air, all the while laughing at the top of her lungs. Guido looked back as Topsy was showered in grapefruits as they fell from the tree. Topsy grumbled as he picked himself up>
Topsy: Dumb kids… <and he grabbed a grapefruit and took out his rage on it by snapping it in two>
…
<The end>
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Hehe because I've put all the time and effort into completing the story, I reserve the right to choose a peace of music to represent it.
This song is Ruby and Rozzy's ending theme:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPgc9g10ry8 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPgc9g10ry8)
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I know I’ve already said this in just about every review I’ve given for every chapter, :p but, awesome story! :D
So, according to your interpretation, Chomper’s parents intended the fast runners to be their son’s permanent caretakers? I’ve never thought of it in that way, but I kind of like the idea, bittersweet as it is. (Poor Chomper would appear to be unaware of his parents’ decision.)
The last scene seemed like a somewhat odd choice to end the story with, but it was very funny. :lol The same with the scene where Guido demands the kiss Syndra promised him in Act II, Part IIIóhilarious! :lol :lol
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The second story: Far Away Home, is now in the works and the first part - or rather the prologue, has been posted.
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I'm not exactly sure how I missed this story, but man, do I regret not seeking this thing out sooner! It's incredibly good for a pure LBT story, and I envy the way you craft your way through the story without adding anything remotely out of place, something I've never really been able to do. I'm not too much of a fan of the scriptfic format, but I have to admit it works well for this fic. Anyway, this was really great to read, and I look forward to tackling the sequel.
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Thanks, I think the script format turned a lot of people off from the start from a story that I was pretty proud of by the end.
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This is one the best fanfictions I've read on fanfiction.net, along with Out of the Shadows, the revenge series, and Twilight Valley. I had to chose of all the fanfictions I'd want to see as a plot for The Land Before Time XIV, this would be the one. The Land Before Time XIV: The Rise of the Storm Tide, just imagine it.
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I'm glad to see that this story has been ressurected again, as I had almost forgotten about it.
When I wrote Rise of Storm Tide, I really wanted it to be a GOOD LBT fourteen that made up for all the crap in the last movie.
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When I wrote Rise of Storm Tide, I really wanted it to be LBT fourteen.
Well, maybe you should send your fanfiction to Universal through email, and ask them if they think your story would be a good plot for another LBT movie or at least a spinoff, I could give you a list of actors that would be good for their voices, if they could get them to sign on.
I'll post the IMDB I made for it:
Rise of the Storm Tide (2013) (TV) More at IMDbPro ª
MOVIEmeter:
Up 5% in popularity this week. See why on IMDbPro.
Director: Jim Wynorski
Release Date: 13 July 2012 more
Genre: Animation | Suspense | Drama | Mystery | Romance
Plot: An epic adventure in which Chomper and Ruby earn their place in the gang and both old and new villians clash as the first hurricane of the age looms in the horizon. In this Guido finds his true love and Littlefoot learns another important lesson.
more | add synopsis
Cast (Cast overview, first billed only)
Meghan Strange ... Ruby
Tim Abell ... Rozzy
Miranda Cosgrove ... Syndra
Rob Paulsen ... Guido/Spike/Ruby's Father/Thud/Ozzy
Cody Arens ... Littlefoot
Aria Noelle Curzon ... Ducky
Jeff Bennett ... Petrie/Skip
Max Burkholder ... Chomper
Nika Futterman ... Ruby's Mother
Miriam Flynn ... Grandma Longneck
Kenneth Mars ... Grandpa Longneck
John Ingle ... Mr. Threehorn
Camryn Manheim ... Tria
Pete Sepenuk ... Red Claw/Screech
Costas Mandylor ... Thor
Nika Futterman ... Shiria
Frank Welker ... Chomper's father/Chomper's Mother
Tress MacNeille ... Petrie's Mother/Ducky's Mother
Heather Hogan ... Kepsla
Susan Blu ... Blackray
Jim Wynorski ... Longneck/Spiketail #1/Fast Runner (flashback)/Male Threehorn/Male Longnecks
Glori-Anne Gilbert ... Female Big Mouth/Female Longneck/Spiketail #2 (uncredited)
Create a character page for: Thor
MPAA: Rated G for Crude Humor and Mild Peril
Parents Guide: Add content advisory for parents
Language: English
Color: Color
Fun Stuff Quotes
Ruby's Father (first lines): Don’t! If it is to be then it will be.
Rozzy (hold on vine, telling Syndra to help): Help me… I can’t hang on alone!
Syndra: Fine
Guido: Remember on the rock! You promised me a kiss… (crosses his arms)
Syndra: Why you… you…(Syndra fumes to herself as she squeezes her feet into the rock. After a while she regains her composure)
Syndra: Fine….fine. (she cools off, and licks her lips)
Guido: (suddenly chickens out) You know on second thought maybe this isn’t…
(she leans towards him) … the right thing to do I mean we can still be friends I…
(she chases him and backs him into a corner) … we can you know fly together and… No no please no!
Syndra (last lines) (yells down): Bite me hornhead!
Mr. Threehorn: (drops the roots in his mouth) WHAT did you say to me?
Syndra: I guess your thick skull must be blocking your eyes too… deaf old fool. (In a fit of rage Topsy charged the tree. Syndra grabbed Guido and pulled him into the air, all the while laughing at the top of her lungs. Guido looked back as Topsy was showered in grapefruits as they fell from the tree. Topsy grumbled as he picked himself up)
Topsy: Dumb kids… (and he grabbed a grapefruit and took out his rage on it by snapping it in two)
Movie Connections:
Spin-off of:
The Land Before Time (1988)
Note: Costas Mandylor would be a good actor for Thor, their both Austrailian.