Author's notes: Well, on contrary to my asserted claim that I would try to write the new prompt before the official month began, sadly I couldn’t live up to the expectations as I suffered from a serious lack of motivation after having completed the December 2019 prompt. But now, I am once again back in the game since the situation with being motivated has improved dramatically. Confession time, I wasn’t really enthusiastic about this prompt, but I’m rather satisfied with the results and I hope that same conclusion for you as well.
Disclaimer: As you might have grasped, the words in
italics stand for character thoughts.
Link to the FF page: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13487818/1/Ballad-of-Endless-RemorseRemorse is the punishment of crime; repentance, its expiation. The former appertains to a tormented conscience; the latter to a soul changed for the better. - Joseph Joubert
Ballad of Endless Remorse
Pterano couldn’t help but grin widely when he saw the sweet basis of his reprieve stand right in front of him, which managed to make his life in the barren wasteland a little more preferable to his liking. It seemed that life truly had quite the extraordinary evolution to yield preferred surprises for unsuccessful beings like himself.
Fate was a real dilemma that continued to burden the orange-brown flyer as time went by, so he made sure to enjoy this moment to the fullest.
As the sweet and soothing water flowed down his aching throat, Pterano’s thoughts began to run wild in a senseless motion. This was, after all, one of the few moments he could have time for himself in a lonely place such as the Mysterious Beyond, so naturally the occasion was a rather hit-or-miss opportunity.
Ever since he had been banished to a life of solitude away from the valley until five Cold Times had passed, he hadn’t had much with taking it easy. Which only obliged him to savor this moment until the end. He couldn’t be certain when the next chance would arise for such complacency to present itself to him.
He laid his eyes on a lonely bush standing at within short distance of the small stream he’d been occupied with for the last few minutes. He approached the bush and took a handful of leaves from its branch and began to devour them with a restrained performance.
I suppose it’s better than nothing, after all. I may not get another chance like this in a while. Better to take full advantage of it and not be picky.He couldn’t help but pause for a short while when a ponderous expression emerged on his face. He closed his eyes and sniffed the remaining treestars contently. The scent reminded him of the Great Valley’s very own luscious landscape he’d had the privilege to be at for a short while.
But it didn’t take long until his focus turned to the task at hand. His destination wasn’t far away from here, and he’d likely get there before the day was over. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a hint of trepidation when he thought what might befall him in the near future.
He had thought about abandoning his original plan and instead journey to somewhere else. Perhaps he could’ve found a sympathetic herd that would be willing to take even someone like him among them. But he was aware of the fact that he had to do this or he would likely spend the rest of his life in eternal shame.
He scoffed at the mere thought of forsaking his promise and go back on the decision made long ago. It would’ve been foolish to turn back now when he had come so far. Not like there were many in the world that awaited his return, and the world was vast and dangerous for a lone flyer like him.
He might’ve had a slight advantage to predators who lurked mainly on the ground side, but there were many more threats out there than mere groundwalkers. He sighed deeply in reminiscence that the only breaks he had been allowed to use were those that he was certain wouldn’t lead to his death once he landed to sleep for the night.
It had been very helpful to have someone watch his back, even if his former traitorous flyers, Rinkus and Sierra had caused him nothing but headache. Throughout his life, he had always had at least one person to rely on during his journeys to the unknown, but that was a benefit he couldn’t utilize any more.
Five Cold Times were too long to spend all alone, and he suspected that not many would wish to see him even after his sentence would be fulfilled. He had long since accepted this cold, but harsh truth. It would likely take a very long time until anyone would be willing to trust him again, if that ever happened.
It was a real tragedy just how long it had taken for him to realize what a despicable creature he was at heart. He suspected his own family had their own qualms when it came to forgiving him for the past mistakes he’d caused. He knew that he wouldn’t ever forgive himself for everything that he had done. His failures would likely haunt him to an early grave.
Pterano sighed and tried to stop the vivid images from destroying whatever dignity he had left and focused on perhaps the only person who would be awaiting him to return.
Petrie… I hope that one day you can find the strength in you to forgive your idiotic uncle.He took one last gulp from the stream and stood up straight. There would be little point to stay here any longer than was necessary. He stre his wings to relieve the stiffness in them, then rose into the air once the familiar feeling had returned and headed to the land that was the starting point of his heartbroken existence.
And Pterano desperately hoped it was for the last time he would step foot in that hellish place in his life.
As the sight of his destination loomed on the horizon, Pterano began to feel that familiar tingle of uneasiness again. It mattered little how long it had been since he’d last visited this place, it still managed to make him uncomfortable.
But he promised himself that this time would be different. His purpose here was clear and he didn’t have any intention to slither away from this opportunity to finally make things right in the world. He had failed miserably the first time and he wasn’t about to let that same mistake repeat.
Pterano circled around the familiar landmark, and kept a close eye on any hint of movement among the rubble. Last time he had been caught off-guard when he hadn’t been careful enough of his surroundings. That past failure only reinforced him to make sure it didn’t happen again.
Closer inspection only brought up further proof that this place wasn’t inhabited, but he knew how wrong one could be when they observed from afar. His mind made up, he started to descend slowly that could enable him to quickly pick up speed once something didn’t go according to his plan.
But as more time passed and everything still seemed to be quite serene, Pterano began to suspect his earlier nervousness had been completely unwarranted and merely a deterrent made up by his fragile mind. Nevertheless, it was best to stay cautious and a few more laps around the plateau wouldn’t hurt.
The place had certainly changed over the years, and he even believed to be accidentally in the wrong place for a minute, but his suspicions were laid to rest once he saw the rather gruesome sight awaiting him.
All around the plateau, there were bones littered around in a messy formation, and to his anguish, Pterano knew exactly to whom those very bones had once belonged to.
The flyer couldn’t help but cringe intensely at the sight. He certainly didn’t believe that the place would be nice and tidy for him, but no amount of willpower could have prepared him for this. And the worst part of it was that he was the only one to blame for this tragedy.
Pterano finally touched down onto the surface, but remained vigilant in case an unseen threat would suddenly leap out of the shadows at him. It felt like an eternity had passed before he made any attempt to move from the spot he’d been rooted to. Being careful often did reward people by allowing them to keep their life in the end.
He started across the tract of land once he had gathered enough self-confidence to stay on the lookout while simultaneously observing his surroundings. He hadn’t got a chance to really take it all in previously, only a mere glimpse was he allowed to see before things got troublesome.
Throughout his journey, Pterano had assured himself that by coming here to see the carnage that he had indirectly caused, would he finally be able to move on in life after paying his respects to his fallen herd members. Were they really here, they would likely curse him to death for all the suffering he had inflicted.
But he didn’t anticipate just how difficult it was to be back here again. It hurt him more than anything else in his life before. Trying to put it into words was hard enough, but the flyer was certain it would likely feel similar when a sharp object was thrust into his beating heart while he slowly bled to death.
Only to experience it all over again.
The silent nagging thought at the back of his head didn’t make things any easier for him as Pterano moved his gaze from one morbid sight to the next. The once proud herd he’d lead was now nothing more than a scrap of remains at his feet.
He turned his head to the nearby cliff overlooking the patch of green below. It seemed to almost invite him to leap and simply let the gravity do its job only to ultimately end his miserable life. For a moment, he thought about how it would feel, to purposely throw yourself into peril and never look back on that decision.
Pterano shook his head and slapped himself hard to stop such self-destructive thoughts like that before they took control. He sat down at the edge of the cliff and watched the ground below him with a wistful expression. Self-loathing quickly took over as he recalled what exactly had happened in this very spot.
The flyer closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He could still remember every last detail about the tragic event as he watched one of his herd members fall to their end while all he did was close his eyes and turn away from the sight like a coward.
And to think that I nearly allowed it to happen a second time… I truly am a tragic and despicable creature doomed to walk this world only to bring more misery.Just as Pterano was about to proceed, he began to hear peculiar sounds emanating somewhere behind his back. He quickly turned to look what may have caused the sound and where it could’ve come from. But as the sound grew louder with each breath he took, he still couldn’t pinpoint the exact location.
Pterano mused that there could’ve indeed been someone here before he had arrived, but why would they wait until now to reveal themselves? If this force turned out to be a hostile one, why didn’t they attack him when his back was turned to them?
None of it made any sense.
Pterano could only think of one reason why they hadn’t attacked him when he was most vulnerable: they wished to have fun with their catch before moving in for the kill. It certainly wasn’t unheard of, but neither was it common to run into such confrontation.
The uneasy sensation started to become more intense, and Pterano was now certain they had to be right on top of him. But the part that made him awestruck was that he still couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary.
This is starting to become far too weird for my liking. Perhaps I should just leave while I still have that chance…But before he had a chance to open his wings, a strange shadowy figure started to slowly emerge in front of him out of thin air. The shape of the figure most certainly resembled that of a dinosaur, but that was all he could assess about the pattern of the shadow.
But as the shape became clearer by the second, Pterano couldn’t help but gasp loudly when he recognized the figure. By all means, it should have been impossible for this very dinosaur to be here right now. After all, he’d witnessed her life being snuffed out by the chasm long time ago.
Yet the living proof stood right in front of him. Pterano was grateful for the water he had consumed earlier, because he was certain that had he not got the privilege, he wouldn’t have been able to get a word out.
When the flyer finally found his voice, his tone was filled to the brim with overwhelming astonishment.
’’How… is this possible? How could you possibly be here, alive?’’
But instead of replying to his question, his former herd member narrowed her eyes and bared her teeth. If a look could kill, Pterano was certain he’d be lying on the ground right now. The accusative glare felt like a beam burning through his head, but when she finally spoke, there was nothing else present in her tone but resentment.
’’You did this to us. You killed us.’’
It felt like a lifetime until the words finally registered in Pterano’s mind, and he frowned in reply. At first, he was certain he’d misheard the sentence altogether, but all his hopes were crushed as he heard her pour out the next words that likely could’ve paralysed him.
’’We trusted you with our lives, and you betrayed our trust. It was a mistake to trust you in the first place. We should have believed what the others tried to tell us all along. But like blind fools, we took in every word you told us.’’
She didn’t give Pterano a chance to respond.
’’Our very existence was doomed from the moment we started to listen to you,’’ she looked down at her feet. ’’We truly wished to find the legendary Great Valley so that we could live a life in peace from all of the madness in the world. It would have been our sanctuary.’’
She raised her head and narrowed her eyes at him. ’’But all of that is now in ruin. Now we will never experience a life worth living for, never will be see our children grow old and lead happy lives. Our very dreams have been destroyed.’’
She pointed her finger right at Pterano. ’’You took everything away from us. Even our very lives.’’
Pterano couldn’t listen to this absurdity any longer, and promptly opened his beak to counter all of the horrible things she had just said.
’’That wasn’t what I intended at all. I truly wished to lead this herd into the valley so that we could all live there together in harmony. I admit that I made many mistakes during the journey, but I did my very best to lead you!’’
She only growled in frustration and didn’t seem to have listened to a damn thing Pterano had said.
’’You didn’t do anything to help us. You practically allowed us to die while you flew away like a coward. And you dare call yourself a leader?’’
The temptation to fall to the ground was almost too tempting to ignore once Pterano felt his legs grow weak. But that would ultimately prove her right about him being a weakling, and Pterano was simply too stubborn to allow that.
’’What do you want me to say? That I’m a coward who fled when times got rough? You couldn’t be more right about all of that, but I have learned much from my past mistakes and it is for the very reason to make peace with my past that I’ve come here today.’’
She scoffed. ’’You’ve come here to make peace? Do you have any clue as to how much we have suffered? How long we have been awaiting for your demise? You have no idea what it is like to spend every moment in pure agony.’’
She gestured around them. ’’This place keeps us trapped in here. We cannot leave and join our loved ones.’’
Pterano’s tough façade was starting to crumble as she went on with her hurtful words that couldn’t be more true, even if Pterano tried to suppress it to the best of his ability, it proved to be complex.
Which was something that did not go unnoticed by his former herd member.
’’Look at you, the once ’brave and glorious flyer’ is nothing more than a weakling in the end,’’ she grinned menacingly. ’’But now we will finally have the vengeance we deserve. You will not leave this place unscathed, now that we have you exactly where we want. This is a chance we’ll not give up for the world!’’
’’We? What do you mean by that?’’ Pterano managed to squeak out a weak reply.
She laughed eagerly. ’’Has time truly weakened your feeble mind enough that you don’t see what has been right in front of you all this time?’’
To say that Pterano was confused of her reply could’ve been considered the biggest understatement of the season. Her words definitely had a meaning behind them, but he could not determine what exactly it was.
Then he saw it.
All around him, more faint figures started to form out of thin air, adopting the shapes of every kind of dinosaur that once belonged to his herd. It didn’t take long for them to start showing the exact same aggression that he’d experienced by the female not long ago.
As more profane comments came his way from the surrounding dinosaurs, Pterano did his best to silence them. The task was easier said than done as the continuous streak of insults only continued when they started towards him.
’’As you can see, Pterano, none of us have left this wretched place. We are doomed to walk this unholy land for eternity.’’
Pterano forced himself to turn away from the mass of dinosaurs and instead focused his attention to the supposed ringleader.
’’Please… I did what I thought was for the best!’’
She merely scoffed indifferently. ’’You did nothing to help us. Because that’s who you truly are, Pterano. A coward, you’ve always been one and you will remain one forevermore!’’
’’I’m aware of the fact now that I never was a good leader to you. But why can’t you see that I’m trying so hard to make amends and become a better flyer?’’
’’Let me ask you something, you miserable excuse for a flyer. Do you even remember the names of those you abandoned to death?
Despite how hard Pterano tried to recall all of their names, he couldn’t. He had always been so focused on his goal that he hardly paid much attention to his herd when it didn’t involve matters such as handing out specific instructions for them to follow.
’’Well… I-’’
But his reply was cut short when the female bellowed. ’’Just as I expected. You never cared about any of us. For you, we were just means to an end.’’
’’That’s not-’’
’’I’ve had enough of this. Everyone, move in now and crush this pathetic murderer!’’
All Pterano could do at that moment was scream as the horde suddenly dashed in his direction at the female’s order. All notions of escaping immediately evaporated from his mind as he crumbled to the ground and closed his eyes, awaiting for the bitter end to eventually consume him.
The flyer put his wings on his ears to cover the approaching footsteps and hurtful comments directed at him, for all the good it did. He felt his tears slide down his beak, but he hardly cared about keeping up the façade when it was already ruined.
But then he frowned in confusion as he realized something.
He expected to feel plenty of pain once his former herd would tear him to pieces, but he didn’t feel or hear anything for that matter. Despite that, Pterano still didn’t dare to open his eyes. He used his wing to carefully reach out all around him to probe if they were in fact still here.
But he only found the cold touch of the wind on his wing and nothing else. Pterano finally dared to uncover himself and open his eyes, but the sight that awaited him only managed to confuse him even further.
There was no soul in sight.
What… what was that? I heard and saw them clear as day… and now they’re just gone?Pterano slowly stood up from the muddy ground and looked down at his feet. It only caused more confusion to arise as the only footprints he saw in the vicinity were his very own.
Then it hit him with a force enough to rock his balance and he had to momentarily sit down to collect his thoughts.
Could it be that I saw something that wasn’t ever really there? Am I going insane? Could that be possible?All the evidence he’d gathered heavily suggested that this theory was the most logical one of them all. It certainly wasn’t completely unheard of for dinosaurs to start seeing things that were not really there, but Pterano was always convinced that those stories were nothing more than fabrications.
Or could there be another explanation as to what just occurred? Pterano wasn’t sure what he really thought had happened, only that it he had seen it as clear as day. None of this could be considered normal by any standards.
Once the feeling in his legs had returned, he hoisted himself up and sighed. There was no more need to stay here and lose his mind thinking about what he’d just uncovered. However, this event would have to be kept private from now on.
If he one day managed to find a herd that would be willing to take him in, it wouldn’t do well to paint himself as a crazy flyer wit delusions.
Pterano had never believed in supernatural things, but what he just saw in the ravine was a clear indication that perhaps they did exist in some form. He quickly rose into the air and began to pick up speed.
Not like this trip was a total lost cause in the end. Now that I’ve seen this place for the last time, this huge burden has been lifted from my conscience and I can finally continue to live my life.As Pterano headed off into the sunset, he couldn’t stop the smile from forming on his lips. It was probably the most genuine one he’d had in a while.
I do not know where fate shall take me, but that’ll be up for the Bright Circle to decide. All I can do is move forward and remember what it took to get to this point.And he would be content with whatever decision happened to fall upon his path.
