Vampires Suck

Animeboye · **on:** August 08, 2010, 10:54:01 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHkPJ1ACLrg&feature=related

Gah! I thought we were finally done with these two idiots! But nope. Failberg and Seltzerbottle are back with their latest crapfest, Vampires Suck. Well vampires aren't the only ones that suck. These two fools couldn't direct traffic let alone a movie! Their "movies" are the same garbage over and over: Steal plot from popular movie (Epic Movie: Charlie & the Chocolate Factory/Chronicles of Narnia, Disaster Movie: Cloverfield, Meet the Spartans: 300), make inane, unnecessary pop culture references that have nothing to do with the film, make references to movies that have nothing to do with the genre/film you're supposed to be parodying, ???, PROFIT!!!

I would rather watch all the Twilight movies back to back than watch these pathetic attempts at comedy. I don't understand how they keep getting work. Who would actually want one of these movies? What person says to themselves "Gee, I wonder when Friedberg and Seltzer are going to do another movie?" Who?! Who wants these movies?! Who finds a cow falling on Iron Man or the Hulk splitting his pants funny?! How is Edward Cullen, oh sorry, Edward Sullen shooting Alice from Alice in Wonderland clever or hysterical? Or what about the random Jersey Shore cameo? What's the point to that?

I dislike Twilight as much as the next person but I despise these movies. Epic Movie got about three sort of chuckles from me but other than that, it was a piece of crap. I never laughed once at Meet the Spartans. Never bothered with their other "films".

I wish these guys would stop making movies. They're clearly not good at it. I mean they Uwe Boll look like Alfred Hitchcock!

Campion1 · **Reply #1 on:** August 08, 2010, 11:36:11 PM

This movie is probably gonna be the next box office bash, because EVERYONE hates twilight. Crap, we're screwed.

Clawandfang · **Reply #2 on:** August 09, 2010, 05:50:06 AM

Some people like parodies, others don't. There is a perfectly willing target audience there and fair enough to anyone who wants to exploit that (although I will admit that much of the fan base for these films doesn't have the most...sophisticated tastes).

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EVERYONE hates twilight.

That seems a bit much. A lot of people really like the series, and some of us just consider it another piece of mediocre writing (I can't vouch for the films however; never seen them).

Nick22 · **Reply #3 on:** August 09, 2010, 08:57:09 PM

yeah, this film looks terrible. the scary movies look great compared to this stuff..

Belmont2500 · **Reply #4 on:** August 09, 2010, 11:51:14 PM

Quote from: Clawandfang,Aug 9 2010 on 04:50 AM

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EVERYONE hates twilight.
That seems a bit much. A lot of people really like the series, and some of us just consider it another piece of mediocre writing (I can't vouch for the films however; never seen them).

Well those people that like Twilight are the ones who ethier haven't seen a real vampire flick or read a good book ( like Bram Stoker's Dracula) or have a stupidly bad taste in films and books.As for parodies, they're not even funny (unless its something like Wayne's World or The Blues Brothers), if poeple want comedy why don't they just go listen to a comedien.

Animeboye · **Reply #5 on:** August 10, 2010, 12:10:40 AM

Quote from: Clawandfang,Aug 9 2010 on 04:50 AM

Some people like parodies, others don't. There is a perfectly willing target audience there and fair enough to anyone who wants to exploit that (although I will admit that much of the fan base for these films doesn't have the most...sophisticated tastes).

The problem here though is that parodies are usually supposed to be making fun of something. These "films" aren't parodies; they're reference "movies". They make references, not jokes. And sure, there are people that think these are funny. There are also people that think it's funny to watch somebody die. Does that mean it is funny? God no!

When you make a parody, it's supposed to be making fun of something. Spaceballs made fun of Star Wars, Dracula Dead and Lovin' It made fun of Dracula, Austin Powers made fun of spy movies, and Airplane! made fun of...well airplane movies. Know what these movies had that Failberg and Seltzerbottle's films don't? Humor, heart, actual jokes, clever lines. I haven't seen Dracula Dead and Lovin' It but it does look pretty good. Better than anything Failberg and Seltzerbottle could come up with.

The only people who would find these atrocities against the art of filmmaking funny are braindead teenagers who think they're clever because "Hur, hur, I gotz da Lady Gaga joke in da Vampire Movie."

I'm not angry at you. I'm just sick of these losers getting work while real directors/writers/people with actual talent struggle to get noticed. What has our world become?

JitteryDragon · **Reply #6 on:** August 10, 2010, 12:20:21 AM

My sister tells me Twilight is good because it appeals to the teenager/ young adult desires and ideas of romance. It is a simplistic plot twisted around vampirism and stretched through 4 books, but still manages to capture the element of cliche teen love almost too perfectly. The bond between Bella and Edward is so reminisant of teenage drama shows that it catches the same audience. The real reason behind the success of Twilight is that it brought vampire romance to a new audience. It isn't anything new, but this was the first time a young audience found appeal in a mix of typical romance and paranormal elements.

Much the same way Harry Potter got a younger generation interested in Fantasy... except that was done properly.

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Well those people that like Twilight are the ones who ethier haven't seen a real vampire flick or read a good book (like Bram Stoker's Dracula) or have a stupidly bad taste in films and books.

Good luck convincing a twelve year old to read Dracula front to back. You do have a bit of a point, but assuming people who like Twilight have bad taste is a bit ignorant. It's about appeal to an audience, which Twilight succeeded in whether you like that or not. It's not that people have a terrible taste in film or books, it's just that most don't care about famous fiction (such as Dracula or Nosferatu) because such fiction does not appeal to them.

Unfortunatley you can't shove Dracula into a teens face and say 'Read that, it's good,' because they won't. When they grow up, though, then they might be drawn to more than just silly romace... but also gothic, fantasy, dark romance, paranormal, and historic appeal.

TL;DR version: Teens like kissy kissy, not bitey bitey. Twilight has lots of kissy kissy, Edward sexy etc etc. Me John, big tree!

As for this movie. It will suck *Rimshot*. Audiences are pretty much aware of the FailDuo's movies, and Vampires Suck will be an interesting case of how much they can reference that isn't Twilight (pretty much the whole movie will be anything but Twilight). I just hope that all the Twilight fans don't go to see this, because if they don't this movie will bomb and make little to no money. Yay!

WeirdRaptor · **Reply #7 on:** August 10, 2010, 03:34:10 AM

I actually found the jabs taken at Twilight to be hilarious. I might see this if only to spite said series.

Almaron · **Reply #8 on:** August 10, 2010, 05:09:51 AM

I personally never understood the allure behind Vampires. To me, they were like Zombies; undead killing things that turned you into another undead killing thing. The only good "good vampire" film I've actually seen and liked was the kids film "Little Vampires", which was about a family of Vampires who were actually trying to reverse their curse.

Then the whole Werewolves Vs. Vampires debate comes into play. I preferred Werewolves, I suppose, because although both are cursed and traditionally prey on people, Werewolf seemed the lesser of two evils. Instead of intentionally seeking out victims and being an immortal monster, you just turned into a dog for the night. Although I suppose Harry Potter may be why I think that (coughlupincough).

Animeboye · **Reply #9 on:** August 11, 2010, 07:15:00 PM

Quote from: WeirdRaptor,Aug 10 2010 on 02:34 AM

I actually found the jabs taken at Twilight to be hilarious. I might see this if only to spite said series.

So you're going to subject yourself to a bad movie just because it "makes fun" of a bad movie franchise? And because you want to "spite" said movie franchise that won't even be popular three years from now? No offense but that's a really childish and immature thing to say. I don't like Twilight either but I'm not gonna force myself to watch this terrible piece of crap of a "movie". And yes, I saw the trailer for it and a clip from the movie. Didn't laugh once, actually rolled my eyes.

Do the people who say this is funny even know the history behind this infamous duo? Or is it because they're "making fun of Twilight" so now all is forgiven? I bet if they were "poking fun" at say, Avatar or Inception then people would be saying "Not another parody movie." But because it's Twilight everyone's saying "Oh, hell yah! Dis teh funneh! Me hate teh Twilight, it ghey!" Just goes to show how shallow and pathetic some people can be.

Amaranthine · **Reply #10 on:** August 11, 2010, 07:32:47 PM

...........

Well I personally want to see this because well I like parodies and I hate Twilight and am tired of it's popularity. If it's a bad movie, that's fine, it's not the worst thing in the world if I saw a bad movie. And if I'm going to be called immature or whatever that's okay, I've been called that many times before.

Campion1 · **Reply #11 on:** August 11, 2010, 07:49:13 PM

Quote from: Animeboye,Aug 11 2010 on 06:15 PM

Quote from: WeirdRaptor,Aug 10 2010 on 02:34 AM
I actually found the jabs taken at Twilight to be hilarious. I might see this if only to spite said series.
So you're going to subject yourself to a bad movie just because it "makes fun" of a bad movie franchise? And because you want to "spite" said movie franchise that won't even be popular three years from now? No offense but that's a really childish and immature thing to say. I don't like Twilight either but I'm not gonna force myself to watch this terrible piece of crap of a "movie". And yes, I saw the trailer for it and a clip from the movie. Didn't laugh once, actually rolled my eyes.

Do the people who say this is funny even know the history behind this infamous duo? Or is it because they're "making fun of Twilight" so now all is forgiven? I bet if they were "poking fun" at say, Avatar or Inception then people would be saying "Not another parody movie." But because it's Twilight everyone's saying "Oh, hell yah! Dis teh funneh! Me hate teh Twilight, it ghey!" Just goes to show how shallow and pathetic some people can be.

You talk like they shot your mother. I do agree with you though, these movies don't have any soul compared to something like "Airplane!" which is a classic today. This will just be a cash-cow movie and that's about it. (IMO)

Animeboye · **Reply #12 on:** August 11, 2010, 08:54:41 PM

No, it's not that they "shot my mother" or anything like that. It's that there are striving directors out there, who actually have potential, who aren't getting work because of morons like Failberg and Seltzerbottle. It's because these two clowns(which is an insult to clowns because clowns at least put effort into what they do) keep getting work when they are very clearly not good at what they do.
If they put even an iota of effort into their films, maybe I wouldn't consider them to be horrible. Bad, probably, but not horrible.

F-14 Ace · **Reply #13 on:** August 18, 2010, 09:23:23 PM

Good, I'm glad someone is finally mocking the heck out of Twilight. I don't hate vampires in general. I just hate Twilight vampires because I can't stand sensitive Nancy boy vampires who sparkle in sunlight.

Here is a list of vampires that I find to be considerably more awesome than Edward Cullen.

Dracula
Alucard from Hellsing
Morbius from the Spiderman comics
Barnabas Collins from Dark Shadows (Johnny Depp is playing him in the upcoming remake)
The Count from Sesame Street
Heck, Count Chocula is a better vampire than Edward!

Animeboye · **Reply #14 on:** August 23, 2010, 07:21:38 PM

I can't even believe this. http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?page=...ampirespoof.htm

How...? Just...How? How could a movie like Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, which was actually good and funny mind you, bomb at the box office but Vampires Suck makes a profit?! To make matter worse, this probably means we're gonna get another movie by these guys next year!

Unreal. Simply unreal.

Kor · **Reply #15 on:** August 23, 2010, 09:23:01 PM

If it makes a profit, especially if it made a large one, I guess they will make a sequel since that is how things work usually. Some people will likely be happy if there is a sequel.

Amaranthine · **Reply #16 on:** August 23, 2010, 10:37:46 PM

Well, if you haven't noticed, the reviews really weren't very good if you look at the summary of this film. So it's still considered a bad movie, but I guess that doesn't stop movie goers.

And in case you ask, no I never saw this film yet. I'm rethinking what I said in the other post and wondering maybe it's not worthy of my time.

DarkHououmon · **Reply #17 on:** August 23, 2010, 10:41:35 PM

It's probably one of those "so bad it's good" kind of movies.