Before we begin, I am not saying it should be remade. I would sooner see this sink into obscurity than let anyone in modern Hollywood touch it. Alas, the simple reality is that we live in an era of remakes and reboots, so we may as well brace ourselves for the possibility. This is not a topic about "How would you like to see it remade?" Oh, this is nothing so optimistic. This is a topic about what would probably happen if it was put through the modern Hollywood remake machine.
I will begin:
1. CGI animation. We are lucky, no, blessed, that the new LBT sequel is getting traditional animation instead of this. However, if this were to be remade with the purpose of putting it in theaters, we all know that those wonderful handdrawn cells would be replaced with 3D graphics.
Could they do it well? Yes, but the animators of the 1988 original did something magical that I don't think can ever be duplicated.
2. The theme of death. It would probably remain, since having a parent die has remained a constant in children's entertainment over the decades, but HOW they would handle it is the question. I can't see them allowing a redone death of Mommy Longneck being anything like the beautifully subdued, quiet original. Focus groups would likely consider it too depressing for the kiddies and something more grand like her and the Sharptooth both vanishing down a crack would happen.
3. Casting. A-list celebrities. Every last one of them. I fully foresee Adam Sandler being cast as Petrie if this becomes reality. They would also likely give the Sharptooth a voice, probably Hugo Weaving. He would also get his own villain song about how he wants revenge on the little longneck that ruined his eye. Which leads us to...
4. Musical, because that's what Disney still does. Plus, most of the LBT sequels have been musicals and a remake would no doubt follow the trend. If we're lucky, they'd at least hire recent song writers and get solid talent to perform.
5. Fear factor. Now this one is something I am not particularly worried about. Children's entertainment has not been shy about being frightening lately, so I think they would actually allow Sharptooth to be a credible threat, on top of all the other things that menace the kids over the course of the film.
6. The writing. Hoo boy, here is the sticking point, isn't it? Would they have a decent script and would the characters still be the lovable gang of five we all love?
What are your thoughts?
