Which means this is going to suck compared to the one on the movies. Oh well, lets get to this.
I watched in a tight span half of the episodes I could find and collected my thoughts on them.
Good or bad first... /cointoss *heads* good first...
...
It's not as bad as the Disney tween oriented shows?
That aside... GLEE! Bron is back! I'm sitting there are low and behold the master appears! And the kid he tried to dump for emofoot, who I've nicknamed Greenmofoot in close pursuit. Seriously, I got nothing against Shorty, he's like a dinosaur version of my little cousin. But I'm still going to razz him if he needs it. Pack it in Shorty. You're tough and adventureous. All the popular characters are whiney emo's. Even Jack Bauer likes them better.
Anyway! I'm squeeing and happy, because Jack mother f'ing Bauer has returned right? Maybe he'll sing! How awesome would that... wait. Thats not Jack, thats not even Mace Windu. My face fills with a mixture of confusion and contempt apon realizing where I've heard this voice before...
Bron has returned, back from no-mans-land
Rejoice my people for it is the return of Kiether Sutherland.
Hark my charges! For this dino tis a wolf dressed in sheeps ward
Occlude your ears lest your suffer Simba's horrific discord.
The scare was immense and one which I fondly bid adieu,
to the director of this crap I offer a hasty Achmed, 'I KEEEEEL YOU!'
Speaking of singing... Petrie does not need to sing... EVER. Its like listening to a Gilbert Gottfield solo album. That voice could rust NAILS. Now we need a shortbus AND a gag.
On that note... spike talking, or something like that. I could disregard the rapping, really, it was kinda funny. But I mean, it sounds like Yoda speaking wookiee. Spike, buddy, seriously. SHUT UP. Grunting is not a effective way of communicating. Ask Tim Allen.
An episode starring Spike letting out burps that would make Archie Bunker blush and his beavers that dream of leaving their parents 'nest' to 'forage'" Wow.. *clears throat* And Cera saying, "At least my head isn't small"? WOW, they're trying to rival Disney with the innuendo here aren't they? Oh, the beavers think Spike is a god? The devil is a retarded chicken? I bet petrie is upset he couldn't get the role. I can see the autobiography now, "How I went from the shortbus to the flaming prince... of cocks." Could the episode be any more adult?
Also Thicknose and the dumb*donkey* Trike (oh I'm sorry, Topsy) singing My Way? Who else was dubbing this over it in their heads?
Who else was dubbing this over it in their heads? Don't lie, you were.
Next we have the two n00bz, newbies, the scrappies of the series. Which if the namesake is any indication they'll be better than the original cast.
Chomper! Yay! Wait, ok, so where did his parents go? Well considering he and Ducky seem to have developed opposable thumbs maybe they built lightsabers and offed them. Or maybe they saw Moe and died of exposure, lord knows I almost did. Ok, no more Moe in my section on Chomper. Ok, so his parents died of exposure to Moe, what does the kid eat? He's eats bee's that promptly run around and sting the crap outta Cera. I like this already.
Sorry, Chomper, you have m00bs, or is that d00bs... doob... dooby dooby doo... Ruh roh, off topic. Lay off the bees kiddo, or as Moe would say, "Yousa gettin' fatsa!" That dolphin-thing needs to be extinct. You are not Flipper, you aren't even Willy, you look like a freakish pink nightmare voiced by JarJar. Go, the hell, away.
Next... what... what the hell? Where's Guido?! Who killed Reuben?! Throttle, Pinky, Max, and probably like a thousand more characters. Man I realize playing that many characters is a burden but dang man, ditch that creepy fish. Not Guido, Guido was cool, he could even put up with Shortbus. Whats the premise here? Guido took steroids, dyed himself and had a sex change? I know some kids went to therapy over this one. Ok, so Guido is now Rose, no thats a golden girl. Pinkie? No, pacman ghost. RUBY! yeah, thats it. But rubies are red and Ruby is... pink. And can't fly. And is... an idiot. Probably because parents complained about the lack of more female characters. I shall call you... Token.
You doubt me this character has an IQ in the double digits? She thinks realizing you can tie pieces of rope together to make a longer rope is ROCKET SCIENCE. Say hello to your new classmate Petrie. Shortbus, HOOO!
Tippy returns. yay, goody, whoopie. And now he's played by... the black chic from KND? I have no clue, sounds like it. Why not Oprah? Now that would make things interesting. Plus I'll leave to imagine the dialog between Tippy and the lead spiketail (Oh no you JUS' di'int! *snap* *snap* *snap*). When he's not acting out Goodfellow's scene's with Topsy. I love that name, the chic Trike rocks for using it.
Wait lets go back to Bron for a moment, changing his VA to Fluffles seems to have made him stupidier. He's here to test Emofoot. Not the kid he's raising mind you, one he ran out on. Ok, cool, so what does an apatasaurus right of passage consist of? apparently climbing a rock, finding out moss grows on the northside of a tree, and ripping off a previously sung song that Randy Newman apparently wrote and change the lyrics. Oy. Come back to us Jack, we need you. He could kill Moe and save the day in... 24 Hours.
Running low on thoughts for this one... and I'm getting tired. However the most important thing remains and can be summed up in three words.
Ducky.
Grows.
Cahones.
Maybe she's just at that age and once a month Spike is going to start getting the pimpslap he deserves. I don't know, I'm not a gynecologist. What I do know is there is a new trademark on the set. Unfortunately it's edited.
The Ducky $#@$ You Glare. (tm)
It's always right there when I need it. Cera getting to be to big of a Wench? The Ducky $#@$ You Glare. (tm)
Petrie trying to act like he's not all the way to the back of the shortbus? The Ducky $#@$ You Glare. (tm)
Emofoot crying? The Ducky $#@$- No.. no it's not there for me then. But maybe someday.
I'm serious on this, if it keeps up Ducky may replace M00b the TREX as my favorite.
*Spike eats random object that shouldn't be eaten*
*Most of cast laughs clichely*
*Ducky $%#@ You Glare (tm)*
*Toby happy :3*
Anyhow... I'm gonna get outta here and sleep. Take it away Chomper!
My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they're like "It's better than yours"
Damn right, It's better than yours,
I can teach you, but I have to charge!
I can teach you, but I have to charge!
Everybody now![/i]
Our Milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard,
And they're like "It's better than yours"
Damn right, It's better than yours,
Damn right, It's better than yours!
I can teach you, but I have to charge!
I can teach you, but I have to charge!
[/i]
~Tobe
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