Whoooo boy did I have a weird dream last night. I don't know if I'd call it a nightmare or not because while it should have been terrifying, the more I think about how ridiculous it was the funnier it gets.
Ok so I'm living in a little house out in the backwoods of Alabama. Suddenly these British royal guards (the ones that guard Buckingham Palace) kick in my door, grab me and tie me up. Then Queen Elizabeth appears from out of nowhere and informs me that she wants to retire from the public eye and live someplace nice and quiet where no one will ever find her, and she wants my house.
She then forces me to basically be her slave, cooking meals and cleaning while holding me prisoner in my own home. At one point she ordered me to play the banjo for her. I don't know how to play the banjo! She also didn't like the lalles I made and criticized my choice in video games. So there you have it. I'm being held hostage and terrorized by the queen of England.
Somehow I escaped and I was running down the road when out of nowhere Queen Elizabeth starts chasing me down in a bright blue monster truck yelling at me about how I can't go to the police. Then I woke up.
.
.
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What a stupid, stupid dream! Let's go over everything wrong with this crazy nightmare, shall we?
Ok so first, even if Queen Elizabeth DID decided to retire from the public eye and run off to some quiet corner of rural America to hide in, she could surely do a lot better than Alabama. I mean, I'd pick some place pretty and scenic like Colorado where you can sit out on your porch and look at the mountains.
Second, with all the money and connections she has, why was it necessary to break into a random house and strong-arm the owner? I could see not wanting to leave a paper trail but couldn't she have just had an associate buy a house somewhere for her?
Third, banjo music? Really? Just because I live in the south doesn't mean I play a banjo. Also, I certainly hope the queen of England has better taste in music than that.
Forth, Queen Elizabeth chasing me in a bright blue monster truck... I'm pretty sure the reason I woke up at that point was because my dream jumped the shark.