my first fanfic

[kjeldo]

i want to make my own fanfic.. could you help me?

[Littlefoot1616]

Wanna make a fanfic of your own kjeldo? Do you have an idea of what you'd like to have included? Or even a general jist of what you want to happen? Once you got a story pitch, maybe one of us on the forum here could give ya a hand! I'm sure no one would object too much Quite a few of us on here have had our own inspirational moments to which have led us to write fanfics of our own. Let's hear what you've got in mind...

[kjeldo]

just listen... i got a character by myself called jerry... a wacky friendly but sometimes arrogant iguanodon. he will always follow the way of littlefoot. his mother didnt survive the great earthshake

[kjeldo]

my first fanfic

its called: a hard hot time



chapter 1

it was a sunny hot day the gang plays tag around a mudpool then littlefoot was it he tags jerry and he said: stop littlefoot its too hot! littlefoot: mmm yes its very hot the last time. cera: what are you guys talking about? its not so hot as it really is so lets go jerry is it!petrie:me think jerry is right. it is to hot!  days past and on a day itwas really too hot. the gang was drinking at the rivir... ducky was swimming around. ducky: it is so hot that the rivir is nearly dry up! yep! yep! yep!
jerry:this can't be good! maybe we should warn the grown-ups. what do you think littlefoot?littlefoot: i agree ducky: it is better that we warn them yep yep yep petrie: me think yes jerry: what you think cera? (no answer) CERA?!

[Manny Cav]

I've said this once, so I'll say it again: Mis-formation, bad punctuation, and just general, uh, sloppy paragraph forming can (and does) ruin an otherwise good fanfiction. Since I'm hot off of the heels of English in School today, here's how I would have written that:

A Hard Hot Time.

Chapter 1

    It was a hot, sunny day. The gang was playing tag around a mudpool. During the middle of the game, Littlefoot became "it." He soon tagged Jerry [lack of information on new character presented in story nooted]. Afterwards, Jerry [I assume, since the context implies it was Littlefoot, instead] said, "Stop, Littlefoot! It's too hot!"
    Littlefoot replied back, "Mmm. Yes, it's very hot the last time."
    Cera joined in, "What are you guys talking about? It's not so hot. So, lets go! Jerry is it!"
    Petrie also replied, "Me think Jerry is right. It is too hot!"

    The days passed by. Soon, it really was too hot. The gang was drinking at the river.... Ducky was swimming around.
    "It is so hot that the river is nearly dried up! Yep, yep, yep!"     Jerry replied back, "This can't be good! Mabey we should warn the grown-ups. What do you think, Littlefoot?"
    Littlefoot answered, "I agree."
    Ducky replied again, "It is better that we warn them, yep, yep, yep!"
    Petrie threw in his two cents, as well, "Me think yes."
    Jerry asked, "What you think, Cera?"
    She didn't reply.
    "CERA?!"

I assume that this was a test chapter of sorts, because it was sure too short of a chapter for me.

EDIT: Invisionfree chewed up my neat line spacing. Click "Quote" on my post to get a better look at it.

[DarkHououmon]

Maybe you could make the chapter longer. It doesn't have to be super long or anything, but maybe introduce some more stuff in the chapter. Have other things happen. Maybe introduce Jerry somehow, explain who he is more.

[kjeldo]

thanks guys but i'm gonna tell you a secret: i'm dutch

[kjeldo]

so my american is not so best and that's the reason that i'm a little silent on the forum

[kjeldo]

and about the story: this was a intro but thanks

[Manny Cav]

There's an "Edit" button for your posts so you don't have to triple post, and you can just append information you forgot in your original post.

[Malte279]

Hi kjeldo! You are by no means the only non native English speaker in the Gang of Five. As a matter of fact you are not even the only one from the Netherlands. Our member "Platvoet en zijn Vriendjes" is obviously from the Netherlands too. Just today I returned from a one week vacation to the beautiful town of Egmond aan Zee.
Anyway, as for story ideas, there are some points you told about Jerry which may be very interesting for an own story.

  just listen... i got a character by myself called jerry... a wacky friendly but sometimes arrogant iguanodon. he will always follow the way of littlefoot. his mother didnt survive the great earthshake

Sharing the fate of having lost their parents in the Great Earthshake may contribute to form a strong band between Littlefoot and Jerry. Do they talk to each other about their loss? We don't have any indication that Littlefoot ever talked to any of his friends about his grieve about the death of his mother (there only is a mention of her in the song "Always There"). Is it possible that Littlefoot is more ready to talk about it to somebody who shared a similar fate? How did Jerry make his way to the Great Valley? Did he too follow the voice of his heart or was he lucky enough to be with a larger herd heading for the Great Valley? With whom does he live, or is he a complete loner?
Is Jerry particularly bright? The occasional arrogance which you mentioned as well as his occasional wackiness (strange as it sounds) might result from the awareness that he is smarter than many of the others. There is a lot of conflict potential in this. If Jerry disagrees with Cera on something, and turns out to be right; if he does so repeatedly, he is bound to have a rather difficult relationship with Cera. You write that he usually follows the way of Littlefoot. But what in case Littlefoot is making a mistake which Jerry recognizes as such? What if Littlefoot is determined to proceed with whatever mistake he is committing just because Littlefoot thinks he is doing the right thing (we had this situation before)? Perhaps Jerry may be dependent on the help of Cera (who dislikes him) to protect Littlefoot from some mistake?
Perhaps Jerry could be a friendly but more rational than emotional character than any of the characters we have had so far?
All these are just suggestions of course. I hope any of them are of any use to you. Perhaps you have a totally different vision of your character Jerry.

[kjeldo]

sorry i forget to tell more about jerry. jerry is very close with his father because he lost his mother. he don't like to talk about that (and if you did that make sure you get a claw in your face :blink: ) he didn't follow a voice i his heart. he said to littlefoot: a voice in your heart is the biggest nonsense of the world! and that makes littlefoot a big bit angry. after the big earthshake he trusted nobody outside his species , that's the reason of his arogance) his intelligence would bring him sometimes in bigger trouble than is was. but he have respect for the gang with his whole heart. and with friendly i mean "littlefoot"friendly

jerry father (his name and his family will called later in this fanfic) is a young wild father who was a far walker in his time before he met his wife. he got the same color patterns as jerry.(black top layer green middle and white belly) if he was a human he was a cowboy type. after the death of his wife he was somewhat silent about everything. he got a very good relationship with grandpa longneck.

[Manny Cav]

sorry i forget to tell more about jerry. jerry is very close with his father because he lost his mother. he don't like to talk about that (and if you did that make sure you get a claw in your face :blink: ) he didn't follow a voice i his heart. he said to littlefoot: a voice in your heart is the biggest nonsense of the world! and that makes littlefoot a big bit angry. after the big earthshake he trusted nobody outside his species , that's the reason of his arogance) his intelligence would bring him sometimes in bigger trouble than is was. but he have respect for the gang with his whole heart. and with friendly i mean "littlefoot"friendly

jerry father (his name and his family will called later in this fanfic) is a young wild father who was a far walker in his time before he met his wife. he got the same color patterns as jerry.(black top layer green middle and white belly) if he was a human he was a cowboy type. after the death of his wife he was somewhat silent about everything. he got a very good relationship with grandpa longneck.

Make sure to expain all of this in the story so the readers will also understand!