The Gang of Five
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Ali's Very Special Starday

PanickyPetrie14

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So, this is my very first LBT fanfic. Finally I'm going to post it here, but it's not yet finished. I just want you guys to read the finished chapters I made, and I need your opinion on my fanfic, if it is good or slightly bad. I'll be using those opinions to make my fanfics better. :)
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Ali’s Very Special Starday

Prologue

A group of migrating longnecks were traveling through a desert, searching for food, water, and shelter. The leader of the herd was called the “Old One” She had been leading her herd for a long time, and keeping them away from the sharpteeth. A young longneck named “Ali” was traveling together with her mother. As they travelled, the bright circle began to set and the migrating longnecks could not stop however, until the old one gave the order to rest...

“Listen up, everyone! We’re going to stay here for the night! Rest until then!” She turned around to the herd and commanded.

As they settled in for the night, Ali was still awake and her mother, by her side.

“Ali, do you still remember the Great Valley?” she asked as she looked at Ali.

“Yes mother, we’ve been there twice right?” she replied.

“Yes, and we are going there again” she said while smiling at Ali.

“Really mother?” asked the excited Ali.

“Yes Ali, we’re going to visit your friends” Ali was happily jumping with joy when she heard about the news.

“Not only that Ali, today is also your starday.” she said.

“Today is my starday? Wow” Ali was in shock when she heard that.

Ali raised her one foot and put it between the night circle and her starday star.

“It is my starday!” she happily said as she found out that it was her starday.

“Now Ali, let’s get some rest, we still have a long way to go tomorrow, also we will celebrate your starday on the Great Valley.” she said.

“Yes mother.”Ali yawned and slept beside her mother.

The next day, the Old one decided to continue the journey to the Great Valley. The Old one knew that they were going to the Great Valley once again, and she knew the path to the Great Valley well, ever since the first time they've gone there.

Ali on the other hand, was thrilled in this journey to the Great Valley because she would see her friends: Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Chomper, and Ruby again.
 
“Mother, are we not there yet? I’m so excited to see my friends again.” Ali gave a pronounced sigh to emphasize her eagerness.

“Not yet my dear, but we’re almost there” Ali sighed as she was very excited to see her friends again.

As they are getting closer to the Great Valley, what awaits Ali is something wonderful.




Chapter 1

Ali’s Return to the Great Valley

In the Great Valley, Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Chomper, and Ruby were having a great time playing hide and seek. Chomper was “it” and he is busy counting while the others are in ruckus to find a place to hide.

Littlefoot found a big rock and he decided to hide there. Cera was hiding behind two big trees. Ducky was with Spike in a bush. Petrie went to the top of a tree and used the leaves for cover.  Ruby was in a hole behind a big rock.

Chomper finished counting and starts to look for the others, as he was looking for the others, on the place where Ducky and Spike were, Spike seemed so hungry and ate the bush that was their hiding spot.

“Spike! No! You’re eating our hiding place again.” Ducky said as she pushes Spike’s nose.

Chomper saw Ducky and Spike who was eating the rest of the bush that was once their hiding place.

“Found you Ducky! You too Spike!” he said.

Ducky and Spike was startled by Chomper’s voice.

“Oh! Y-you found us…” she said.

She turned to Spike with disappointment "Spike! We couldn't find a perfect hiding place if you keep on eating it. No no no…” she said.

Chomper went out to look for the others. He stopped by beside a tree to sniff out. Unfortunately, the tree Chomper beside with was where Petrie hid. Petrie looked down and saw Chomper sniffing out.

“Oh, this no look good, me could be sniffed out here” he said.

Suddenly, a strong wind surged through and Petrie was startled by the strong wind, so, he got blown by the wind and flipped around and around until he fell down to the ground. Chomper noticed this as he walked toward Petrie.

“I found you Petrie!” he said and walked away to find the others. Petrie was lying on the ground and got dizzy.

Chomper has to find Littlefoot, Cera and Ruby this time. Chomper continued to search for them, but suddenly, Chomper stopped and he saw Littlefoot together with his Grandpa and Grandma on a small hill.

Ducky saw Chomper and she walked behind him “Chomper, what is it? Why did you stop?” Ducky asked.

“Littlefoot is with his Grandpa and his Grandma” Chomper said as the others also came behind Chomper.

“What’s with the stopping?” Cera complained and shook her head.

“Me see Littlefoot, his grandpa and grandma.” Petrie said while he was flying above the others.

A minute later, Littlefoot’s grandparents took off, and the others walk toward Littlefoot.

“Guys! Guys! I have good news to tell you” Littlefoot shouted and ran towards his friends as he saw them walking towards to him.

“What’s the good news Littlefoot?” Ducky questioned.

“Yeah, what is it Littlefoot?” Petrie questioned also while the others were waiting for the good news Littlefoot is about to say.

“Ali is back!” Littlefoot said in joy.

The others were silent for a moment before they could jump in joy that Ali is coming back to the Great Valley.

“The flyers just spot them not far from here, we got to get ready to welcome Ali here in the Great Valley again” Littlefoot said as he looked to the sky and saw the flyers flying around.

“Yes we must! Yes yes yes!” Ducky said with contentment.

All of them went to the place where the grown-ups usually have their meeting or discussion; they will wait for Ali and the rest of the herd there.

“Okay, we’re here. Now we have to wait for Ali and the herd” Littlefoot said in exhaustion due to the distance they've ran.

“I remember the last time they went here with that Rhett guy, you know, the one I scared before.” Chomper said in thought.

“Yeah I remember that Rhett guy who even said that he built a mountain of rocks with his tail, yeah right…” Cera said with a bit of irritation from her face.

Meanwhile, Ali together with the herd was coming towards the Great Valley.

“Mother! I can see the Great Valley! We’re here at last!” Ali said in complete gladness.

“Yes dear, we’re here in the Great Valley, lush green food and enough source of water for all of us.” Ali’s mother said.

They went to the place where everyone was and  grandpa and grandma gave them the warmest welcome first

“Welcome to the Great Valley once again old one” Grandpa said.

“May you take your time to be with us here” Grandma said.

The old one took a look at the surroundings in the Great Valley before she could talk

“Your Great Valley, it still stands strong. Not like the land where we came from, it didn’t last long. Thank you for welcoming us here.” The old one said.

While the grown-ups were having a conversation, Littlefoot and the others were beside a tree waiting for Ali.

“Where Ali?” Petrie questioned and looked around.

“There she is!” Littlefoot said as he saw Ali running towards them. Ali approached them and gave a smile.

“Hi Ali!” everyone said.

“Hello everyone! I missed you all so much” Ali said while she looked at everyone.

“I don’t think anything has changed to all of you” Ali giggled.

“I missed you too Ali, in fact, everyone missed you” Littlefoot said and looked to the ground as if he’s blushing.

“We missed you a lot Ali, yep yep yep!” Ducky said.

“I have good news, it’s my starday today!” Ali joyfully said.

“Wow, I didn’t know that it was your starday today, when I had my starday before, I didn’t spend it with my parents since I haven’t seen them for a long time. Instead, my friends made my starday so happy!” Ruby said.

“I’m going to celebrate my starday with my mother later when the bright circle leaves the sky, you can come and join the celebration!” Ali said.

“While there’s still time let’s celebrate your starday now Ali!” Littlefoot said.

“Happy starday Ali!” everyone said.

“Thank you everyone, this will be the best starday I will ever have, since I’ve never celebrated my starday with my friends” Ali said with delight in her face.

“Wait a minute, where’s your friend Rhett? Is he with you?” Cera questioned and shook her head, interrupting the conversation.

“Here I am!” Rhett jumped out from the bushes beside them.

“There you are Rhett!” Littlefoot said.

 “Hi Rhett!” the others said.

 “So, what’s up Rhett? Built more mountain of rocks with your tail?” Cera said and everyone laugh.

“Ha-ha, very funny. It is Ali’s starday today so, let’s play “rescue” everyone so we can celebrate her starday.

“I’m so tired from our journey, so maybe I’ll join you later” Ali said in exhaustion.

“Oh, if you say so, since you’re then one who’s having a starday.” Rhett said. Everyone left the area but Littlefoot is still there

“Littlefoot, are you coming or what?” Cera questioned while looking back.

“Uhhh… maybe I’ll also join later, I-I ate too much earlier so I need to take a rest for a bit.” Littlefoot said in doubt.

“Oh okay then, join with us later when you’re feeling better.” Cera said and ran after the others.




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That's it for today guys, I'm going to put Chapter 2 and 3 soon after I review it and make some small changes. Don't forget to post your opinions here.  :)
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jansenov

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The first thing that drew my attention was that you mix the present and the past tenses. Sometimes even in the same sentence. Here are some examples:
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She has been leading her herd for many times, and keeping them away from the carnivorous sharpteeth.
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She turns around to the herd and commanded.
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The Old one knew that they were going to the Great Valley once again, and she knows the path to the Great Valley well, ever since the first time they’ve gone there.

Some languages, like Bulgarian and Turkish, have special storytelling moods for verbs, but in English the past and past perfect tenses are used for storytelling.

Always use the past and the past perfect tense indirect speech. Only in direct (quoted) spech you can use the present tenses. Here's how your sentences should look like:

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She had been leading her heard for a long time, and keeping them away from the carnivorous sharpteeth.

The syntagm "many times" would imply there were interruptions in the Old One's leadership, and there's no evidence for this. And also a LBT-specific nitpick: in LBT all sharpteeth are carnivorous. "Carnivorous" is unnecessary in front of "sharpteeth" in a LBT story.

Quote
She turned around to he herd and commanded.
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The Old One knew that they were going to the Great Valley once again, and she knew the path to the Great Valley well, ever since the first time they had gone there.

Here it is implied that the Old One knows something that her co-travelers don't, which isn't the case, because at the begining it is clearly said that Ali and her mum know the way too.

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in a small hill
"On a small hill", "near a small hill".

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Your Great Valley, it stands strong until now

"It still stands strong".

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What's with the stopping?

I like this :lol . This is just like Cera.

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Ali gave a pronounced sigh to emphasize her eagerness.

Wow :blink:. You do have talent. This sentence is excellent. It immediately  brought funny images of Ali to my mind.  Keep writing, put do take care of your grammar.


PanickyPetrie14

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Ohh... I see, I guess I better check the tenses, and some sentences like "in a small hill" And I better replace them immediately.

Anyways, I do have a bit of talent in Speaking or Writing in English.  :smile

But of course, I am not that fluent in English, since I am a Filipino.


Thanks for the review, I appreciated it and it also helped me.  :)


Petrie85

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Very good beginning here. I really enjoyed the beginning of your story. It was very well done.


vonboy

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Yeah, it's interesting so far. Like Jansanov said, just work on your tenses.

Also, saying Littlefoot's Grandpa or Grandma is unneeded. They're known to the whole valley as Grandpa and Grandma, you don't need to say their Littlefoot's grandparents.

Yeah, just work on your grammar some more. That's all I can really say.
Come check out my new Youtube gaming channel, Game Biter!
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Littlefoot: "Look, Chomper. You're uncle is dead, and it's just right for your friends to be there for you. You'd be there if someone we know died, right?"

Chomper: "Well, sure I would!"

Come give my LBT TV Series fanfiction, PAST-O-RAMA, a read!
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trulyfantasticme

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Try to separate the paragraphs more. Don't just mix it all in one big chunk of paragraphs because it makes it harder for people to read, and easier for them to lose their places. Like if someone were reading your introduction and they got distracted for a second and then they end up losing their place because the paragraphs are so big.  And separate the quotes. For example.

Quote
“What’s the good news Littlefoot?” Ducky questioned. “Yeah, what is it Littlefoot?” Petrie questioned also while the others are waiting for the good news Littlefoot is about to say

Make it more like this.

“What’s the good news Littlefoot?” Ducky questioned.

 “Yeah, what is it Littlefoot?” Petrie questioned also while the others are waiting for the good news Littlefoot is about to say.

Ya get what I'm saying?
Petra is a variant of the Greek name "Petros" meaning "strong" or "rock." Andi is a variant of the Greek name "Andy" meaning "masculine" or "brave." Therefore, I am tremendously brave and strong! :lol


ChaoticMistress

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I just finished reading the prologue and so far it's pretty good! :DD

However, you just have to improve with your grammar and writing style a little more and keep practising. I bet you'll be an excellent writer in no time if you do so! And keep the chapters coming PanickyPetrie! Oh, and I'm sorry if I don't have a huge extravagant and glamourous review filled with helpful tips and constructive criticism... But, I usually save my two (or three) paragraphed comments once there is at least three to four chapters up in a single fanfic. :)

Anyway, please continue updating this intriguing story! ^_^


Petrie85

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Looking forward to Chapter One of your Story.


PanickyPetrie14

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Quote from: trulyfantasticme,Oct 1 2011 on  12:42 PM
Try to separate the paragraphs more. Don't just mix it all in one big chunk of paragraphs because it makes it harder for people to read, and easier for them to lose their places. Like if someone were reading your introduction and they got distracted for a second and then they end up losing their place because the paragraphs are so big.  And separate the quotes. For example.

Quote
“What’s the good news Littlefoot?” Ducky questioned. “Yeah, what is it Littlefoot?” Petrie questioned also while the others are waiting for the good news Littlefoot is about to say

Make it more like this.

“What’s the good news Littlefoot?” Ducky questioned.

 “Yeah, what is it Littlefoot?” Petrie questioned also while the others are waiting for the good news Littlefoot is about to say.

Ya get what I'm saying?
I get your point there banana :lol it's like your fanfics.

Quote
I just finished reading the prologue and so far it's pretty good! 

However, you just have to improve with your grammar and writing style a little more and keep practising. I bet you'll be an excellent writer in no time if you do so! And keep the chapters coming PanickyPetrie! Oh, and I'm sorry if I don't have a huge extravagant and glamourous review filled with helpful tips and constructive criticism... But, I usually save my two (or three) paragraphed comments once there is at least three to four chapters up in a single fanfic.

It's okay! :DD I'll be checking for mixed up tenses in Chapter 2 and 3, hoping to post it on time.  :yes

Quote
Looking forward to Chapter One of your Story.

Chapter 1 is below the Prologue.

Chapters 2 and 3 will be coming soon :)


PanickyPetrie14

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So sorry for the long delay in the chapter. I've been too much busy in school lately, until sem-break vacation arrived, that's the chance I got to work on my fanfic. Hope you understand this. :)

Anyways, here's chapter two. :)

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Chapter 2

Concealed Feelings and the Grand Celebration


Littlefoot decided to stay with Ali before he will play with his friends, Littlefoot missed Ali a lot, so he thought he should stay and talk with Ali.

“So Ali, how are you doing?” Littlefoot asked Ali.

“I’m fine, tired from the journey but I’m okay.” Ali answered.

“It’s a great thing that today is your starday, I’m sure it will be your best starday ever!” Littlefoot said to Ali.

“Yeah, it is a great thing, and I will be spending my starday with all of you for the first time!” Ali happily said.  

“It will be a great celebration Ali! I’m sure of it. Hey, I got an idea let’s roam around for a bit, shall we Ali?” Littlefoot invited Ali.

“Sure! I would love to roam around the valley. I missed this place a lot. ” Ali said in contentment.

 Littlefoot and Ali started to roam around the valley, side-by-side they walked together.

“Nothing really changed here in the Great Valley, it’s a very wonderful place to live” Ali said, looking at the surroundings.

“Yeah, nothing changed here, still the same Great Valley like before.” Littlefoot looked around.

“I remember when we met each other on the first place…” Ali paused for a moment. She had a little flashback from the time where they met for the first time.

After the little flashback, Ali continued what she was about to say “…and that adventure when we were looking for the night flower for your grandpa.” Ali frowned for a bit because of how ill was his grandpa back then, but she also smiled when she remembered that after Littlefoot gave the night flower to his grandpa, he was fully cured from his illness.

“It was a good thing that your grandpa was cured from his illness back then, thanks to the night flower that we have brought to him.” Ali said.

“Yeah, I was very happy when grandpa suddenly spoke to me after he ate the night flower.” Littlefoot said.

Ali sighed in relief as all of those moments were refreshed from her mind, but one moment made Ali to blush a little. That moment was when the two of them was searching for the night flower.

“To be honest, Littlefoot, I liked the part when it was just the two of us back then, searching for the night flower, it was just unforgettable.” Ali said.

Littlefoot suddenly stopped in his tracks. Ali took a few steps forward before noticing Littlefoot had stopped, she looked behind and approached Littlefoot.

“What’s the matter Littlefoot?” Littlefoot was silent for a moment before he shook his head and looked at Ali.

“N-nothing, don’t mind it” Littlefoot walked back to Ali’s side.

Littlefoot felt something for Ali as she gave that statement. He had feelings for her ever since they first met, and he hid those feelings until now. He was afraid to reveal his feelings to her because he wasn’t sure if she had the same feelings for him. But now that he heard that statement, he was quite sure that she had the same feelings for him.

Littlefoot and Ali continued to roam around the Great Valley, winds blew throughout the valley and the bright circle was high up in the sky.

“So, how are you and your friends doing?” Ali asked Littlefoot.

“We’re fine, still the same old friends you’ve met back then.” Littlefoot answered.

Littlefoot filled in Ali with the adventures they had before as they roamed around the Great Valley. Littlefoot remembered every detail in their journey back then.

“…and there was that time when Spike talked!” Littlefoot said.

“Yeah I remember, but after that, Spike never talked again.” Ali giggled.
The two young longnecks were on a small hill when they saw their friends from a distance and they were playing.

“Hey look Ali! There they are, come on Ali! Let’s play with them. A starday is not complete without having fun with friends.” Littlefoot invited Ali.

“Why sure! Come on! Let’s join the others. Thanks for inviting me to roam around the Great Valley Littlefoot” The two young longnecks ran down the small hill and through the plains, heading straight to the place where their friends were playing.

“We’re here!” Littlefoot shouted to the others.

“Littlefoot! Cera! Come on in! Let’s play!” Cera said to the two young longnecks that just arrived. Then they joined the others to play.

They played swimmer and splasher, tag, hide and seek and even Rhett’s favorite game “Rescue” They surely had fun at that time. Meanwhile, on the small hill where Littlefoot and Ali were standing on earlier, grandpa and grandma longneck together with the Old One were watching the young ones play.

“You said it was Ali’s starday today old one” grandma longneck said.

“Yes, her mother is getting ready to celebrate Ali’s starday later when the bright circle leaves the sky” the Old One said.

“Then I guess I’d better tell the young one’s parents if they could join the celebration. I know the young ones are planning now to join the celebration, so we will get the permission of their parents” Grandpa Longneck said.

“Ali’s mother will be pleased if they will come and join the celebration, which goes the same with Ali. Please do get their permission to join the celebration.” the Old One said.

“We will Old one. Now we must go and get their permission before the bright circle falls from the sky.” Grandma Longneck said.

“Yes, we must.” Grandpa Longneck said. They left the place afterwards and went to the other grown-ups.

Meanwhile, back at the gang, they were playing tag, Rhett is “it” and he chased the others. Littlefoot and Ali were running from Rhett when they saw a big bush, they jumped and hid there, Rhett didn’t see Littlefoot and Ali jump there so he kept on chasing the others.

Rhett was chasing the others when he saw Spike eating behind a big rock, he stopped chasing the others and tried to surprisingly tag Spike by jumping over the big rock and tag Spike.
 
However, when he jumped over the big rock, Spike lowered his head to get more food to eat, Rhett missed tagging Spike and instead he plunged into a nearby pond. Rhett shook his body to dry up and he looked down in disappointment.

“Aw man!” Rhett said to himself, the others saw this and immediately went near to the pond.

“Are you okay Rhett?” Ruby asked Rhett. Rhett suddenly got a plan. He planned to tag Ruby by approaching her, as if he’s injured.

“Don’t worry, I’m alright.” Rhett stood up and approached Ruby. He pretended his one foot as if it’s injured. Ruby noticed this and she looked worriedly at Rhett.

“Are you sure you’re alright? Because I think your one foot is injured” Ruby said worriedly to Rhett.

“Hmm… It is injured, but it won’t be if I tag you!” Rhett hurriedly tagged Ruby and ran. The others saw this and also ran, leaving Ruby behind.

“Hey! You got me there Rhett! I’m going to get you.” Ruby chased Rhett.
Meanwhile, Littlefoot and Ali, who were hiding in a big bush finally jumped out of the bush and looked around.

“Where are they?” Ali asked. “I think they’re just close-by, in fact, maybe someone got tagged by Rhett” Littlefoot seriously said.

Ducky saw Littlefoot and Ali “Ruby is it!” she shouted to Littlefoot and Ali. Littlefoot and Ali heard this and ran as they saw Ruby chasing the others.
 
As time passed by, the bright circle was almost set and the grown-ups started to call their young ones to get some rest. Littlefoot and the others were still playing when Grandpa and Grandma Longneck called them.

“Littlefoot! Young ones!” Grandpa and Grandma longneck approached the gang. The young ones thought of the plan about staying with Ali to celebrate her starday.

“Grandpa, Grandma, can we stay with Ali for a bit? We’re going to celebrate her starday. It will be a great starday for Ali if we come to her celebration.” Littlefoot begged to his grandparents. Grandpa longneck chuckled.

“You see Littlefoot, that’s what we’re going to say, I already know about Ali’s starday celebration, and I told to your friends’ parents that if they stay for a bit to celebrate Ali’s starday, it will be an unforgettable starday for Ali. So they agreed to let you all stay with Ali to celebrate her starday, though Mr. Threehorn is a bit stubborn about letting you stay Cera, but he also decided to let you stay.” Grandpa longneck clearly explained to the young ones. The young ones rejoiced as they heard the explanation of Littlefoot’s Grandpa.

“This is great! We will celebrate your starday Ali!” Littlefoot joyfully said.

“Yeah! We will have lots of fun, that’s for sure!” Ali giggled.

“It is a good thing that my father also let me stay” Cera sighed.

“Oh this will be a great starday for you Ali, oh yes yes yes!” Ducky hopped off from Spike’s back.

“Now go and have fun, and don’t forget to go home after the celebration. The Old One and Ali’s mother already know that all of you will come to celebrate Ali’s starday.” Grandpa longneck added.

“Thanks Grandpa! And don’t worry, we won’t forget!” Littlefoot took a couple of steps forward. “Let’s go guys! Ali, you lead the way to your mother” Ali took the lead as she led the others to her mother.

“I’m so happy you will be celebrating my starday, your presence is very meaningful to me” Ali happily said to Littlefoot.

“If it is for you Ali, then I will do it no matter what” Littlefoot said to Ali with a small vestige of blushing on his face.

As they were getting closer to the place, they saw Ali’s mother from a distance.

“There’s mother! Mother! We’re here!” Ali called on to her mother, this gave the mother longneck the attention to the young female longneck together with her friends.

“Ali! There you are! Have you brought all your friends with you?” Ali’s mother asked Ali. The gang stopped in front of Ali’s mother.

“Yes mother” the young female longneck responded.

In a glimpse, the night circle shone at the place they were at, that gave them enough light to see the surroundings around them.
 
“Okay then, this is my present to Ali. And of course for all of you” Ali’s mother cleared the big leaves behind her with her tail and revealed a big place. The place was big enough for the young ones to play and celebrate Ali’s starday. There were also lots of treestars and treesweets piled up in one area.

“Wow! Treestars!” Littlefoot happily said. Spike was jumping in excitement when Ducky interrupted him. “Spike! Don’t tell me you’ll eat those all, those treestars are for all of us to share with.” Ducky looked at Spike. Spike let out a chuckle and mumbled something as if he was saying “I won’t”.

“As for young Chomper…” Ali’s mother cleared another pile of big leaves. Chomper saw a pile of bugs in one big leaf. “I won’t forget about you of course” Ali’s mother smiled at Chomper.

“Wow! Thanks!” Chomper thanked Ali’s mother happily.

“Now we will celebrate Ali’s starday with a feast!” Ali’s mother said. The gang rejoiced as they feasted on the food. For Ali, Littlefoot got some treestars and placed it on one place near Ali. He went back and returned two times. This gave the two young longnecks enough food to eat for just the two of them.

“Oh, thank you Littlefoot!” Ali felt happy for Littlefoot that he brought her treestars.

“No problem, let’s eat!” Littlefoot and Ali feasted on the pile of treestars that Littlefoot brought.

What Ali didn’t know is that Littlefoot had a gift that he secretly picked up while they were running earlier. While they were eating, Ali pointed out her starday star to Littlefoot.

“Look Littlefoot! That is my starday star, the one that is close to the night circle.” She pointed to a star that is the brightest among the stars and close to the night circle.

The stars seemed to reflect in Ali’s eyes, Littlefoot noticed this and gazed at Ali’s beautiful eyes due to the twinkling of the stars that are reflected from her eyes. Ali was looking at the night sky when Littlefoot was gazing at her.
 
“Her eyes are so beautiful…” Littlefoot said it in his mind.

Suddenly, Ali looked at Littlefoot. This caused Littlefoot to be startled. He got some treestars and stuffed it in his mouth. “Mmm… these treestars are good!” He chewed the treestars until he swallowed it.

Ali giggled at Littlefoot upon seeing him like that. She knew Littlefoot was gazing at her, she wasn’t just saying anything to Littlefoot at that time.

“Were you gazing at me?” Ali giggled again.

“Yes...uhh I mean No! I wasn’t! I was uh… gazing at the stars!” Littlefoot looked at the night sky filled with stars.

“It’s so beautiful isn’t it?” Littlefoot looked at Ali with a smile.
 
“Beautiful like you…” Littlefoot said in his mind.

“Yes it is very beautiful” Ali giggled. Suddenly, Rhett appeared behind Littlefoot.

“Surprise!”  Littlefoot was startled when he heard that, he looked behind and saw Rhett.

“Oh, Rhett it’s you. You surprised me there.” Littlefoot said to Rhett.

Ali giggled “Rhett loves to surprise everyone, and he’s good at it. Even I was surprised before.”

Rhett walked beside Ali “Yup! I love surprising everyone” Rhett laughed for a bit.

“So, are you enjoying the celebration?” Littlefoot asked Rhett.

“Of course I enjoy it! I love celebrations you know.” Rhett jumped to emphasize his enjoyment.

“Oh is that so? I also love celebrations!” Littlefoot said to Rhett. Suddenly, Chomper ran behind Rhett, approaching him with a smile on his face.

“Hey Rhett!” Chomper abruptly tagged Rhett’s back. “You’re it!” Chomper ran away from Rhett.

“Oh not for long now!” Rhett ran as fast as he could and chased Chomper around the place. Littlefoot and Ali who were left in the scene by Chomper and Rhett, laughed at them.

Meanwhile, Chomper ran and looked behind, and he saw Rhett chasing him. Chomper was looking behind too much that he didn’t take a look on where he is going, as a result, he unfortunately tripped on a rock and tumbled down, this gave Rhett a chance to tag Chomper.

“Tag! You’re it! Ha-ha” Rhett tagged Chomper and ran away. Chomper stood up and ran after Rhett.

 “I’m going to get you!” Chomper chased Rhett as fast as he could.
Back to Littlefoot and Ali, they were eating treestars when Littlefoot remembered about his gift for Ali. He hid the gift behind a rock.

Littlefoot said this in his mind “The gift… I almost forgot… I have to give to Ali or else…” Littlefoot sighed after that last word, but he had confidence to give the gift to Ali.

But would he find a perfect time to give the gift to Ali?

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Whoo! That's some long chapter :)

And look, Littlefoot really has feelings for Ali ever since the first time they've met. This is gonna be so romantic! :wub Now I need some reviews on this chapter. :smile

Hope you like it! :smile

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trulyfantasticme

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Aside from the few grammar mistakes, this chapter was pretty good!  :DD I loved the part when Ali and LittlePINGAS were watching the stars.  :p  The stars are just a magnificent sight, aren't they?  :smile
Petra is a variant of the Greek name "Petros" meaning "strong" or "rock." Andi is a variant of the Greek name "Andy" meaning "masculine" or "brave." Therefore, I am tremendously brave and strong! :lol


PanickyPetrie14

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I know right? XD I was watching a romantic show on TV when I came up with that idea about the stars.  :lol


PanickyPetrie14

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Long wait again... So sorry for that. Things are getting into me these past weeks. Anyways, here's chapter 3! My readers, prepare your opinions. :p and by the way, a song is included in this chapter.

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Chapter 3

Love beneath the Night Circle

Meanwhile, Littlefoot had been waiting for a perfect time to give Ali his special gift. He didn't want anyone to see him giving Ali the gift.

“I must give it to her now… But if I give it to her here, everyone might see it. I must find a perfect spot where I can give her my gift.” Littlefoot said to himself softly.

“Ali, I’m just going to get something. You stay here, I’ll be back” Littlefoot left Ali in a hurry after he said that, Ali was confused for a bit why did Littlefoot leave in a hurry. But, since she knew Littlefoot, she knew that he'll come back. She continued to feast on the treestars.

Littlefoot looked around for a good spot where no one can see him give Ali his gift.  While he was searching, he found a small opening that was covered by leaves.

"Hmm... I wonder where does that opening lead to..." Litttlefoot ran to the opening and entered through. There he found a small place in a form of a circle, white sparkling flowers that were visible in the dark, and trees were around the place.

“Wow, this place is amazing! There are flowers that shine in the dark like the night flower, except that they differ in color.” Littlefoot was amazed with the place.

This was the place Littlefoot wanted in order for him to give Ali his gift. After he saw the place, Littlefoot walked right back to Ali who was still eating treestars.

"Oh Littlefoot! You're back, so did you get what you were supposed to get?" Ali questioned Littlefoot.

“Well... no... but I found something wonderful! Ali, you have to come with me.” Littlefoot suggested to Ali.

“Something wonderful? Count me in Littlefoot!” Ali happily said to Littlefoot.
“But first you have to close your eyes!” Littlefoot chuckled.

“Okay then” Ali closed her eyes as Littlefoot led Ali into the place he found earlier.
"And no peeking!" Littlefoot chuckled.

"Okay, I won't" Ali giggled.

The bright circle shone brighter in that place that the white sparkling flowers looked even more beautiful.

As they entered the place, Littlefoot led Ali to the center of the place.

“You can open your eyes now Ali.” Littlefoot said.

Ali slowly opened her eyes and the flowers stumbled upon her eyes, she looked around, amazed and happy.

“This place… It’s so beautiful… I’ve never seen anything like this before.” Ali was  amazed at the place, as if she was dreaming all of this.

“Ali, this is for you” Littlefoot gave Ali using his tail, a beautiful bouquet of flowers of different colors, and on the center of the bouquet wass the white sparkling flower that he picked up when he found the place earlier.

“It’s so beautiful Littlefoot! I love it! Thank you so much!” Ali grabbed the bouquet using her tail and she sniffed the bouquet.

"Mmm... what a fragrant smell" Ali was very happy for Littlefoot that he gave a gift to her.

“That bouquet is beautiful like you Ali…” Littlefoot approached Ali and looked at her eyes.

“Ali, ever since I’ve met you for the first time, I had this feeling in my heart that made me think of you always. I needed someone like you in my life Ali. You took all the worries and fears that I have. I was afraid to say this to you before, but with all courage, I will say it to you  now.” Littlefoot moved closer to Ali and he placed his one foot over Ali’s.

“I love you Ali” he confessed. Ali was shocked at what Littlefoot said, she felt immobilized from that very moment due to Littlefoot’s romantic and charming words. She didn't know what to say, but she can’t keep her feelings anymore, she needed to confess her feelings to Littlefoot.

“L-Littlefoot… I love you too” she slowly said to Littlefoot. “I can’t keep this feeling anymore Littlefoot, I felt the same thing what you felt when we first met. You are very brave and courageous, a good leader as well. You made my days happy, when you are beside me. It is an unforgettable and meaningful moment for me. So I have to confess to you Littlefoot, your words moved my heart, and I’m grateful that I’ve found you in my life.” Ali confessed her feelings for Littlefoot.

Littlefoot and Ali looked at each other’s eyes as their love thrived more. The wind blew and the trees’ leaves, even the flowers’ petals started to come off, it rained down on Littlefoot and Ali. The night circle continued to give light to the place Littlefoot and Ali were on. Shooting stars started to fall from a distance on the starry night sky.

“Look Ali, falling stars.” Littlefoot looked up to the night sky.

“It’s so beautiful…” Ali gazed at the night sky filled with falling stars.

“This is such a wonderful time for us Ali…” Littlefoot looked at Ali.

“Yes Littlefoot, it is a wonderful time, especially that you’re here by my side.” Ali rubbed her head against Littlefoot’s. They continued to watch the falling stars from a distance as the night goes on. Then, the two began to sing a song…


[Start song]

(Littlefoot walked around and looked all over the place, having a flashback on the day when they first met)

-Littlefoot-
I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You asked for my name
You had the most beautiful smile

(Ali walked right beside Littlefoot and rubbed her head against Littlefoot’s)

-Ali-
My life started to change
I’d wake up each day feeling alright
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just fine

(The two looked at each other and the wind started to blow again, leaves begin to come off again from the trees)

-Both-
How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there was an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life

(Ali had a flashback where she and Littlefoot were on the way to get the night flower)

 -Ali-
I’ll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had

(Ali had a flashback where she and Littlefoot were on the way to get the night flower)

-Littlefoot
I guess what I’m really trying to say
It’s not every day that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much I love you…

The music faded for a bit and Ali put her one foot on Littlefoot’s.
“Oh Littlefoot… I’m so happy that I’ve found you. I’d be nothing if you didn’t come into my life” Ali said to Littlefoot.
“There’s nothing more I can wish for myself, now that you are here. You are my only inspiration in my life Ali.” Littlefoot rubbed his head against Ali’s.
“I’ll never leave you Ali…” And they continued singing…

-Both-
How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life

-Ali-
That there was an empty space in my heart

-Littlefoot-
You came at the right time in my life

-Both-
I’ll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had

-Ali-
I guess what I’m really trying to say

-Littlefoot-
It’s not every day that someone like you comes my way

-Both-
No words can express
How much…

(The wind faded and the leaves and petals began to fall around Littlefoot and Ali, Littlefoot and Ali looked each others’ eyes)

I love you…
[End song]

The music faded, sparkling pieces from the white flowers’ petals surround Littlefoot and Ali. The night circle kept on shining around the place.

“Oh Littlefoot, you made my starday celebration meaningful and unforgettable” Ali said to Littlefoot.

“And you made this night a wonderful night Ali…” Littlefoot said to Ali.

The night circle began to be covered with clouds and the place began to dim because of this.

“We better return to the others, they might be looking for us.” Littlefoot walked near to the opening where they entered earlier.

“I guess you’re right, besides, my mother might be looking for me now.” Ali walked towards the opening.

Littlefoot cleared the opening for Ali with his tail. “After you… Ali” Littlefoot smiled at Ali.

After Ali went through the opening, Littlefoot went out afterwards . As they returned to the place where the others were enjoying the celebration, they ate more treestars and they acted as if nothing happened earlier.

“It looks like they’re not looking for us Littlefoot” Ali looked around and saw the others in one place from a distance, playing tag.

“It looks like it... well it’s better that they won't know” Littlefoot looked at Ali.
“Yes, it’s better for them not to know” Ali said to Littlefoot.

Suddenly, Rhett and Chomper ran towards Littlefoot and Ali. “Littlefoot! Ali! Want to join with us? We’re really having fun over there.” Chomper invited the two.

 “Why sure! We’d love to join with you” Ali answered happily.

“Then come on! Let’s go!” Rhett ran to the others. Littlefoot, Ali and Chomper ran also to the others to play tag.

“We’re here!” Littlefoot shouted to the others that were having fun.
 
“There you are Littlefoot, now that you’re here let’s have some fun while it’s not yet time to go home.” Cera said to Littlefoot.

“Since Littlefoot and Ali just came here, Littlefoot it!” Petrie said to the others and ran away from Littlefoot.

“Oh no you don’t!” Littlefoot chased the others, hoping to tag someone from his chase.

As time passed by...  it was getting late, and the young ones were already tired from having fun. It was getting colder in the Great Valley, this kind of situation often symbolizes the start of the cold times.

"It... g-getting... c-cold here..." Petrie shivered as the cold wind breeze passed through the place.

"Yeah, It is getting cold. Not only that, it is late. We need to go back to our nests soon." Littlefoot said to the others. Ali's mother heard this and she walked towards the young ones.

"It looks like you young ones are tired from the celebration. You need to go home now, it is late." Ali's mother said.

"Yes Ali's mother. Come on guys, let's all go ahead to our nests and get some rest." Cera said.

"I'm too tired to walk all the way home... I am... I am..." Ducky's eyes suddenly closed and she leaned on Spike's leg. Spike lifted Ducky and put her to his back.

 "N-not only me sleepy... I-it cold out here! Can we go home now and sleep?" Petrie suggested to the others.

"You young ones can go on ahead and return to your nests. Thank you for coming to Ali's starday  celebration, it means so much to Ali. It has been a wonderful celebration for Ali today, since this is her first time to celebrate her starday with her friends. We often celebrate Ali's starday with the herd, but celebrating Ali's starday with her friends is an unforgettable thing to Ali." Ali's mother said to the young ones.

"You're welcome Ali's mother." Ruby said.

"Just let us know the next time Ali will have her starday celebration and we'll be there" Cera said with confidence.

"Bye Ali! Bye Ali's mother!" the young ones walked back home, leaving the two on the place. Littlefoot was walking back home when Ali call her from a distance.

"Littlefoot!" Ali ran towards Littlefoot. Littlefoot heard this and he turned back and ran towards Ali.

"What is it Ali?" Littlefoot asked Ali.

"Thanks for coming. I'll never forget this day Littlefoot. It means so much to me." Ali said.

"I'll never forget this day too, Ali. It also means a lot to me. I'll see you tomorrow Ali." Littlefoot rubbed his head against Ali's.

"Goodbye Littlefoot"

"Goodbye Ali"

Littlefoot left and Ali returned back to her mother and they went to their place. The others went back to their own homes and got some rest. Littlefoot just arrived to his grandparents who were asleep. He stopped for a bit and yawned before he walked to his grandma's side, he glanced for the last time at the starry night sky.

"Ali..." Littlefoot said in his mind and slept.

A few minutes later, snow began to fell in the Great Valley. No one noticed this except for Ali who was glancing at the bouquet that Littlefoot gave. Ali's mother was asleep at that time.

"Wow! Frozen sky stuff here in the Great Valley." Ali walked around and looked at the surroundings as they were getting covered with snow.

"So beautiful..." Ali looked up as snow fell down from the sky. After walking for a bit, she returned to her mother's side and slept.

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So, that ends Chapter 3. Romantic isn't it? :p Well let's see what will happen in the next chapter... By the way, if you wanna know what song was that. Well it's "How Did You Know" by Gary Valenciano (A Filipino :DD )

Now,
I'm ready for your reviews!
 :lol


guidolover

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THIS IS A BEATIFUL FANFICTION !!!!!!!  :wub  :wub  BECAUSE ITS ROMANTIC AND ROMANTIC STORIES ARE THE BEST ONES !!!!!!!!!

I love it , cant wait to read the next chapter  :wub  :wub  :wub  :wub  :wub  :wub