Kazooie-no Banjo
©2009 Nintendoofah64
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[One day at Banjo's house Kazooie, Mumbo, and Bottles were playing Mariokart 64 on the
Nintendo]
Kazooie: You're goin' down boneface!
Mumbo: Don't be too sure bird. Mumbo got blue shell.
Bottles: Hey! Wait for me!
[someone knocks at the door]
Kazooie: Whoever you are, you're interupting our game!
Bottles: I'll go get it.[walks up to the door and opens it]It's only Banjo.
Banjo: Hey Kazooie you got mail.
Kazooie: It's probably just junk mail.....
Banjo: Here you go.[hands it to Kazooie]
Kazooie:[opens it]Hey it's from my parents!
Bottles: Kazooie, I never knew you had parents?
Kazooie: I did bottle boy, I just never wanted to tell anyone.
Banjo: Why didn't you ever tell us?
Kazooie: Cuz' soil breath would keep calling them names!.
Bottles: [begins to feel like he's been a donkey towards Kazooie]
Mumbo: Anyone still play game?
Bottles: Ok
Banjo: Count me in.
Kazooie:[walks over to the desk to read her letter]Ok lets see what my parents wrote:"Dear
Kazooie, We saw those cool Nintendo games you were in, they were awsome! Except for the
first person shooter parts, not only were they mistreating you, they were awfully boring....
Anyhow, we also wanted to tell you that your hatchday(a bird's birthday) is coming up and
so were gonna throw a party for you! Love, Mazooie and Pazooie"
A party? I have to go! [she then goes to her friends]Hey everyone! I going to my parents!
[everyone ignores Kazooie]
Kazooie: Oh well.... I guess I'm going to be the star in this fanfic![ she then leaves the house]
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Kazooie:Hey all you readers, you probably know me, Kazooie, the star of Banjo-Kazooie and
Banjo-Tooie both only for Nintendo 64. Anyway, this fanfic is called "Kazooie-no Banjo" and
it's written by the ultimate Nintendo/Land before time fan: Nintendoofah 64.
[meanwhile in the house]
Banjo:Hey did anyone see where Kazooie went?
Bottles:Nope.
Mumbo:Bird not in house.
Banjo:I've got an idea. Kazooie we're gonna play your favorite game, Goldeneye007!
[couple moments of silence]I said:Goldeneye007!![more silence]
Mumbo:It not work....
Bottles:I don't think Kazooie is in, I think she left for her parents.
Banjo:Without me? But what would a Banjo-Kazooie adventure be without me?
Bottles:Oh don't worry the fanfic that the filthy feathered one is gonna be in is called
"Kazooie-no Banjo"
Banjo:[looks out the window]Well Kazooie already took off.
Bottles:She wont be needing new moves.
Mumbo:Or magic.
Donkey Kong:Or bananas.
Banjo:Donkey kong you're not supposed to be in this fanfic!
DK:Sorry.[leaves]
Bottles: Anyway lets get back to Kazooie.
[back to Kazooie]
Kazooie: It's about time whoever you are that is reading this showed up I'm getting ready to
go on the bus towards my parents but i'm hungry, so I'll stop at McJiggy's to eat.
[Kazooie gets her order a Jiggy burger which is a burger with a Jiggy shaped patty, but just
as she turned around..]
Kazooie:[bumps into another breegull and drops her tray]Hey! Watch it will ya'!
Breegull:[helps Kazooie up]Sorry ma'm, I didn't see you comming.
Kazooie:[takes a second look at the breegull, he has blue feathers and looked about her age]
Sorry about that too, I guess I wasn't looking either. Hey I never got your name.
Breegull: It's Tarin.
Kazooie: Well mine is Kazooie.
Tarin: If you want you can have my sandwich.
Kazooie: Ok....but do you want to sit with me?
Tarin: Sure.
[the two walk to a table and sit down on the chairs]
Tarin: You kinda seemed to be in a hurry, where are you going?
Kazooie: Going to visit my parents, that reminds me I've got to get the bus. Bye![she leaves]
Tarin:[after Kazooie was out of here] Wow! That Kazooie girl was pretty kind, I wouldn't be
surprised if I saw that she had so many friends.
============================================================================
[back to Kazooie]
Kazooie: Only 2 minutes, I gotta hurry![Kazooie runs until she gets to the bus then walks in]
Toad: [the mushroom guy from mario] Pay up young lady.
Kazooie: Here you go. Hey where are you from?
Toad: The Mushroom Kingdom.
Kazooie: Oh I thought you were from Fungus Forest....[she then sits down on the only seat left]
[another breegull gets on the bus]
Toad: Sorry, but there's not any seats left.
[Kazooie sees the breegull at the front and notices something very familiar about him...]
Kazooie: Wait there's one more left![she scoots over as much as she can]
Toad: My mistake, there is one.
Breegull:[walks to Kazooie]Kazooie is that you.
Kazooie: Yeah it's me. Have a seat Tarin.
Tarin: Ok.[sits down] You know I've been to Breegull beach a lot but I have never seen any
girls as pretty as you...
Kazooie:[is listening to the DK rap on someones radio]DK! Donkey Kong! He's the leader of
the [stops singing] what? You said I'm pretty?[she then gets up and grabs a pole that's inside
the bus]
Tarin: Kazooie! This fanfic is rated E so you can't dance around like that.
Kazooie: Oh, sorry.....[sits down]
Tarin: You're funny Kazooie. I like you already.
Kazooie: Yeah me too....[yawns then she lays her head on Tarin]
Tarin:[feels Kazooie then puts his wing on her back]
Kazooie:[she felt the warmth of Tarin's feathers, and by the content smile on her beak, you
could tell she liked it] Tarin, do you think we'll be married?
Tarin: Uhh...maybe......
Kazooie: I think It's about my time to get off, my stop is almost here.
Tarin: Do you mind if I come?
Kazooie: Yeah you can come. Ok this is my stop.
[the two gulls walk out of the bus]
Toad: Thanks for riding Star Travel buses!
Tarin: You're welcome!
============================================================================
Kazooie: Come on Tarin It's getting dark and I-I don't-t like it....
Tarin: Don't worry Kazooie[puts his wing on Kazooie's back] I'm with you.
Kazooie:[feels relieved] Ok so where are we going to spend the night at?
[a van skids in front of them and the back doors open revealing a familiar figure]
??????: At Breegull Bassssherssss!
Kazooie: WHAH! Who are you?
??????: Klungo, you dummmb bird!
Tarin: Hey! Thats not how you speak to a lady!
Klungo: Oh...[he then grabs Kazooie and Tarin by the neck]
Kazooie: Hey put us down shrek face!
Klungo: [Tosses Kazooie and Tarin in the van and closes the doors] Two birdsss with one
sssstone heh heh. [he begins to drive the van away]
[inside the van]
Breegull:[that was in the van already] Oh no, two more have been caught.
Kazooie: Caught? What do you mean by that?
Breegull: The monster caught you two and I think he'll be taking all of us to a bad place.
Tarin: I'm going to ask him what place he's taking us to.
Breegull: He already told me. Its called "Breegull Bashers".
Kazooie: Breegull...
Tarin: ...Bashers.
Kazooie:[gulp] I don't like the sound of that...
Breegull: I didn't think you were gonna like it either.
A different breegull:[studders] I think we're here...
Kazooie: I hope not.
[the doors open and each of the Breegulls were put into a cage]
Klungo: Klungo caught ssssome birdsss.
Worker: I'll take 'em away.[starts to wheel the cages away]
Tarin: So this is Breegull Bashers.
Kazooie: If I find out Heggy is behind all this, she's getting a one-way ticket to KFC.
Worker: Ok you bumbling low-lifes, I'll give you a tour of this place.
Kazooie: HEY!
Worker: Here at Breegull Bashers we make a living off torturing breegulls.
Breegull: Like how?
Worker: Many things such as using you like a wrench[he points to a worker thats using a
Breegull to tighten a bolt] or a paintbrush.[points to a worker who's using a Breegulls tail
to paint a sign]
Kazooie: You heartless....
Worker: But we also have fun with Breegulls.
Tarin: Well thats nice to hear you don't always pummel us.
Worker: I didn't say it would be fun for you.[points to some workers playing darts using
Breegulls as darts]
Kazooie: You make me sick.
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[they come to a room and the worker opens the door]
Worker1: Here we got some more stupid birds.
Worker2: What do you think we should do with them first?
Worker3: Use them to clean the sinks.
Worker2: Or use their feathers to stuff our pillows.
Kazooie:[tries to imitate one of the workers voice] I know lets set 'em free!
Worker2: You cheeky bird.
Worker3: Let's send the red one to the dungeon.
Kazooie: [gulp]
Tarin:[ stands in front of Kazooie] I won't let you harm her!
Worker2: Just put them both in the dungeon.
Worker3: Ok.[ties up both Kazooie and Tarin then takes them to the dungeon]
Kazooie: If we're going in a dungeon then at least Link will save us.
Worker3: I don't know who link is but no one is saving you.
Tarin:[ is trying to break free by cutting the rope with his beak] Almost got it.[cuts the rope]
I'm free![he then hauls butt down the hallway]
Worker3: Shoot! He got away. But he wont be able to escape.
Kazooie: Just you wait he'll kick your butt!
Worker3:[throws Kazooie in and slams the door and locks it]
Kazooie:[tries to cut the rope with her beak and succedes] You call this a dungeon. It's pathetic!
[sees some Breegull skulls] Yet, somewhat scary.[she then notices a Breegull skeleton
hanging from the celing] Ok mabey more scary than Mad Monster Mansion.[she looks up and
sees a spider on a web that reads "BOO!"] AHHHHHH! I got to get out of here! [starts banging
on the door]
[meanwhile somewhere in the building]
Worker1: Did you hear something?
Worker2: Probably just Donkey Kong on the roof.
[back to where Kazooie is]
Kazooie:[has stopped banging] Get ahold of yourself Kazooie. I'm stuck in a dungeon but it
could be worse... At least I don't have a horrible new look and whack everyone silly with a
wrench. You that's reading this fanfic probably forgot that I'm supposed to be with my parents.
============================================================================
[somewhere near Tarin]
Tarin: This is just too easy. We'll be finished with this fanfic in no time.
Voice over PA: Warning! A Breegull is loose catch her at all costs!
Tarin: I'm a male!
Voice over PA: I mean catch HIM at all costs!
Tarin: [runs but then someone stops him]
The someone who stopped him: Your adventure stops here.
Tarin: You can't stop me from saving Kazooie!
The someone who stopped him: Yes I can because I'm Slashtooth, the owner of Breegull
Bashers.
Tarin: It kinda feels like this fanfic needs a battle anyway.
Slashtooth: If you insist.
[Battle time!]
Slashtooth
Breegull bruising baddie
Slashtooth: Check out my description!
Tarin: ....Could we get on with this battle already!
Slashtooth: Ok.[grabs a nearby Breegull and tries to bash Tarin with it]
Tarin: [dodges the attack] Work on your timming, it really helps.
Slashtooth: [tosses the Breegull away, then uses his claw attack. It was not effective]
Tarin: Hey this isn't a Pokemon battle!
Slashtooth: Well in that case I can use this.[whips out a Breegull knocker outerinator 2000]
Take this! [fires the BKO2000 at Tarin and it knocks him out]
Judge: FINISH HIM!
Slashtooth: There can't be fatalities in a fanfic thats rated E.
Judge: Oh.
==========================================================================
Slashtooth: [carries Tarin to the dungeon that Kazooie is in and tosses him in it]
Kazooie: Darn! Now this fanfic will take longer to finish.
Tarin: [no response]
Kazooie: Tarin, no time for jokes! Wake up already!! [shakes Tarin]
Tarin: Huh, where am I?
Kazooie: With me 'cause you got caught.
Breegull that's outside: Hey is anyone inside?
Kazooie: Yeah. And who are you?
Breegull that's outside: I'm Tennor. I'll help you out.
[something starts to dig its way out of the ground]
Tarin: What's that?
[the thing in the ground pops up]
Jamjars: Attention!
Kazooie: Oh, it's only Dumbjars.
Tennor: Aren't you listening I can help you if you could just help me.
Tarin: Yeah we know.
Kazooie: What are you doing here Jamjars?
Jamjars: Humba Wumba told me to give you two this potion.
Kazooie: How did she know about this fanfic?
Jamjars: She got a copy of it b'fore it was even complete.
Tarin: So what does the potion do?
Jamjars: Turns both of you into dragons.
Kazooie: Sssssweet!
Jamjars: [leaves the potion and then leaves back the way he came]
Tarin: So when we are dragons do we get extra moves?
Kazooie: Yes! You get the ability to blow fire out of your mouth. Now lets drink it! [she drinks
some of the potion and turns into a dragon] Mmmm cherry flavor with a hint of artificial lemon.
Here now you drink the rest.
Tarin: Ok. [he then drinks it and turns into a dragon] Lets burn down this door!
Kazooie: You said it.
[both blow fire at the door. It eventually falls down]
Tennor: Ah, you escaped. Now lets free all the Breegulls.
Tarin: Slashtooth is gonna be 'hot' under the collar when we defeat him.
Kazooie: Who's Slashtooth?
Tarin: The one who owns Breegull Bashers.
Kazooie: You win this time Heggy!
============================================================================
[the two dragons and the Breegull run down a hallway]
Tennor: Look at what I took from one of the gaurds while he was sleeping. [shows Kazooie
and Tarin the key to unlock the Breegull cages]
Tarin: Tennor, you unlock the cages while Kazooie and I take care of Slashtooth.
Tennor: Ok. [begins to unlock the cages]
Breegull1: WAHAY! We're free!
Breegull2: Thank you Kazooie, Tarin, and Tennor.
[meanwhile where Kazooie and Tarin are at]
Tarin: [sees the exit] I've found an exit!
Kazooie: But I wanted to defeat Slashtooth...
Tarin: Ok. But we're going to have to find him first.
Slashtooth: [jumps in front of them] May I save you the time of finding me?
Slashtooth
Breegull bruising....ah forget it.
Slashtooth: Now that I have the Breegull knocker outerinator 2000.1, I will rule the world
and make every Breegull suffer. Now to charge the laser. [presses a button]
BKO2000.1: CHARGING 0%.....
Kazooie: Feel the burn! [blows fire at Slashtooth but he doesn't catch on fire]
Slashtooth: You probably didn't notice that I'm wearing a flame-proof suit.
Kazooie: I just got burned...
Tarin: There must be some way to defeat him.
Kazooie: And I just know how. [gets out a grenade egg and tosses it in one of the air vents]
Tarin: Where did you get that egg from?
Kazooie: I don't know, thats something the developers never thought of...
Slashtooth: Is that it?
Kazooie: Yup. 3... 2... 1... [ the grenade egg eggsplodes and some of the ceiling falls
separating Kazooie and Tarin]
Tarin: KAZOOIE!!!
Kazooie: Whoops...
Slashtooth: Stop that! The Breegulls are gonna escape.
Kazooie: That's the point!
[lots of Breegulls begin to escape]
============================================================================
BKO2000.1: CHARGE COMPLETE: you may now fire!
Slashtooth: Yes!
Kazooie: No! [runs and knocks the BKO2000.1 out of Slashtooth's claws] That otta slow you
down.
[back to Tarin]
Tarin: [sees Tennor] Hey Tennor!
Tennor: Am I glad to see you. If you could just melt that hinge on that box then I could set
all the Breegulls free.
Tarin: No problem. [blows fire until the box hinge breaks]
Tennor: [puts the key in]
[all the Breegulls trapped in Breegull Bashers escape]
Kazooie: [is running until she sees Tarin] Looks like Breegull Bashers is going out of
buisness.
Tarin: We better get out of here! [he begins to turn back into a Breegull] Huh?
Kazooie: [begins to turn back into a Breegull] I think the magic ran out.
Tarin: There's the exit come on!
Kazooie and Tennor: Ok.
[all 3 of the Breegulls run towards the exit and bust out but...]
Kazooie: [looks down and notices that they are not on the ground] Uh-oh! [she begins to fall]
Tarin: [gliding towards the ground] Use your wings Kazooie!
Kazooie: [eventually falls into a dumpster] [in a muffled voice] Good thing this big dumpster
of unwanted "Nuts and bolts" copies broke my fall, and possibly my wings too.
Tarin: [lands in the dumpster] KAZOOIE!! Are you ok?
Kazooie: Yeah, but can you get all these poorly developed games off of me!
Tennor: I'll help.
[both Tarin and Tennor shovel the games off until they find Kazooie]
Kazooie: Now that I'm out lets finish off Slashtooth! [she fires a Clockwork Kazooie egg up and
into the exit] That will take care of him.
[they all start to run towards the gate but a few gaurds try and stop them]
Tennor: Not now....
Kazooie: Don't worry I'll take care of them, you two keep running.
Tarin: I hope you know what you're doing.
Kazooie: Come and get some of me!
Gaurd: This is just too easy.
Kazooie: Kazoooooie PUNCH! [she sends the gaurds flying out of sight]
Announcer: GAME!
Kazooie: No time for the results, skip them. [runs toward the gate]
Announcer: Ok.
============================================================================
[inside Breegull Bashers]
Slashtooth: [grabs the BKO2000.1] Not that I got it back I'll blast that stupid bird. [notices the
Clockwork Kazooie] Aha! There you are! [fires the BKO2000.1 at the Clockwork Kazooie]
[outside]
Kazooie: We did it! Now I can finally get to my parents.
Tarin: Parents?
Kazooie: You forgot Tarin.
Tennor: Hey Kazooie, can I come with you.
Kazooie: Oh, ok.
[KA-BLAMO!]
All three of them: What was that?
Kazooie: [turns around and sees that Breegull Bashers has been blown up] Yah-hoo!
Tennor: No more Breegulls shall be bashed.
Kazooie: Yeah now that it's rubble.
Tarin: Come on Kazooie we better hurry to your parents.
Tennor: Wait, Kazooie you haven't told me where your parents live.
Kazooie: They live in Breegull city, yeah I know that name is a bit unoriginal.
Tarin: I know the quickest way to there. [starts to fly] Follow me.
Kazooie: Ok. [follows Tarin]
Tennor: Right behind you. [follows Kazooie]
============================================================================
Kazooie: Tarin you know I've always wanted to be a mother.
Tarin: Well Kazooie I...
Kazooie: Ok lets have kids.
Tarin: [thinking] I guess I'm gonna have to do this wether I like it or not...
[Kazooie pulls Tarin with her]
Tennor: Lets just skip this chapter and go to the next one.
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[Breegull city, inside Kazooie's house some time after she laid her eggs]
Mazooie: I'm so glad to see that you're ok.
Kazooie: Oh, it was nothing.
Pazooie: Kazooie, I knew you'd find a mate.
Tarin: She was pretty nice to me.
Kazooie: So what do I get for my hatchday?
Mazooie: This is what I got for you. [hands Kazooie a wrapped up box]
Kazooie: Thanks. [begins to tear off the wrapping and finds out it's a Nintendo Wii] Wii-hee! You
got me a Wii!
Pazooie: And from me. [hands Kazooie another wrapped up box]
Kazooie: [tears off the wrapping] Super Mario Galaxy and Smash Bros. Brawl! COOL!
Tarin: And here's mine Kazooie. [he hugs Kazooie and she liked it]
Kazooie: [her eggs start to bump a little] The eggs they're gonna hatch! I'm gonna be a
mother!
Tarin: [puts his wing on Kazooie's back]
[the 3 eggs begin to hatch and the Breegulls start cawing]
Kazooie: So cute!
Tarin: So what are you going to name 'em?
Kazooie: I'll call her Gracie, the other one Sonny, and this one Eyrie.
Eyrie: [looks at Kazooie]
Kazooie: [looks back at Eyrie] I'm your mother. Can you say "Ka-zoo-ie"?
Eyrie: Kah zuh ee.
Mazooie and Pazooie: Awwww.
[Eyrie, Sonny, and Gracie crawl under Kazooie's wing and some one knocks at the door]
Pazooie: I'll go get it. [opens door] Who are you?
Mumbo: Me Mumbo, best shaman in all fanfic. Got news for bird and other bird.
Kazooie: What's the news?
Mumbo: New fanfic called "Kazooie-no Banjo-Tooie" and you two gonna be in it.
Banjo: [walks in and hears what Mumbo just said] Another fanfic but I just found Kazooie.
Kazooie: Hey Banjo! Long time no see.
Banjo: I almost thought that you were kidnapped by Grunty again.
Kazooie: Come on Banjo, check out my children.
Banjo: Aww they look cute and....Kazooie you already have kids?
Tarin: Yup she did. And it seems that Kazooie's age was never told in any of the games.
[Bottles comes in]
Bottles: Hey Kazooie and Tarin I've got to tell you two something.
Kazooie: ...
Bottles: There's gonna be a part somewhere in "Kazooie- no Banjo-Tooie" and you'll need
these codes: "EIOOZAK", "NIRAT", and "RONNET".
Kazooie: Why would we need codes for a fanfic.
Bottles: They're not for the readers, they're for you two.
Kazooie: Ok...but I still want to know why we need them.
Bottles: I'm not telling you. You'll just have to find out in the next fanfic.
Kazooie: Well then I'll end this chapter.
=============================================================================
[late at night where Breegull Bashers used to be]
Slashtooth: [is trapped under the rubble] Good thing my flame-proof suit saved me from that
explosion. But I'm stuck.
Klungo: Klungo try to pusssh rock but can never ssshift it.
Slashtooth: I'm over here!
Klungo: [notices a huge rock] Klungo try to break thissss one. [starts punching it breaking
little pieces off it]
Slashtooth: Just you wait Kazooie, by the end of the next fanfic ALL Breegulls will be extinct!
Bwa hahahaaaaa!
=============================================================================
Kazooie: THE END!......Really it's the end. The fanfic is over. Close it and give it a review.
Why are you still reading this? If the world were to blow up if you kept on reading this would
you still continue reading this?... ...I wouldn't trust you... Just click the red X already I want to
get some rest! I'll give you a free Nintendo DS if you close the fanfic and review it... Ok that's
it I'm gonna Rat-a-tat tap you! [Kazooie runs towards you, but the fanfic ends]
Really this is the end of the fanfic, no jokes this time.
Now let me know what you think of Tarin and I'll try to get the next one soon.
