The Gang of Five
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The Eternal Bond

raga · 59 · 7383

raga

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I must say Pangaea, I don't think anyone has gone in to detail, but I'm glad you did.  

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Ali's eyes were blue, not green
Woops, my bad, and I could have sworn I looked that up.....

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Also, whenever you have a character speaking, there should be a punctuation mark (usually a comma) immediately before or after the endquote (depending on whether you're using American or British writing style). For instance:
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“It was Luca” Chomper said

...should be:
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“It was Luca,” Chomper said
Thank you for that.  I never knew that and I've been wondering if I've have been doing the speech correctly or not, it always just seems weird.

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DIT: Whoops! SorryóI just reread your last post; did you only want feedback on one specific scene?
Don't worry about, any feedback is good.


Cancerian Tiger

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Littlefoot would be acting like something of a player, which is a rather negative reputation to have.  Then again, that's my opinion.  I can't stand cheaters or players <_<.


Nick22

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I think you handled the potential back stabbing pretty well raga. nice work..
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Caustizer

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I like how the relationship of Cera and Littlefoot (we all knew they had a crush on each other) is played right up to the forefront right away.  Romeo-Juilet affairs can remain conceiled for much of the story which really annoys me since I want to see how their parents react as soon as I know about them.


Two things are bothering me though...

1) Lots of text surrounding the characters, but almost nothing is said about the setting except when it becomes important ("damn earthshake"). Could you put in a bit more about where the story is happening so I can picture it better in my mind?

2) What happened to Ruby? Some people think she doesn't belong in LBT but the animated series is cannon so it wouldn't be right to just cut out a member of the gang because they weren't in a movie.  Even a passing reference to her in some shape or form would fill this universe void.

Otherwise happy writing! I'll be sure to read the rest of it when it comes out - I can hardly wait.


Vilstrup

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I believe you've already had a review or two from me on Fanfiction.net


raga

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Oh ya!  And this time no one had to yell at me!

Chapter 7:
Out of Control

   Comis’ breaths came in quick gasps as she forced her legs to keep moving.  Her skin rippled as the leg muscles contracted and relaxed, putting her legs through their running motion.  The Utahraptor saw a large boulder up ahead a prepared to jump over it.  She took a short skip and planted her feet into the ground, storing the combined energy of the skip and her speed in her bent knees.  Her legs then extended, launching her several feet in the air over the boulder.  Her right leg shot out and kicked of the top of the rock, giving the sharptooth extra speed when she finally landed and could continue her run.

The Utahraptor looked at the terrain in front of her.  A loose, light, sandy soil dominated a landscape filled with short bushy trees and smaller vegetation.  She knew she was somewhere in the fringe, and running the in the exact opposite direction she needed to.

Comis looked back at her pursuers.  She saw seven of the velociraptors from the previous day close on her tail.  For a reason she was unable to explain they had been chasing her all through the night.  On four separate occasions Comis thought she had finally lost them, she had even gotten a few minutes of sleep in, but they always seemed to find her again.

So the Utahraptor continued to run as the bright circle rose in the sky, turning it blood red.  She knew fighting that many raptors would be futile so she really had no choice.  Lost in thought she failed to notice until it was too late that she was suddenly surrounded on three sides by stone.  After a quick examination of her surroundings she realized she was in a large depression in the ground, one with three steep, cliff-like sides and one gradual side.

She turned and saw the raptors slowly moving in on her.  The sharptooth thought that she could probably climb the steep inclines but it would be such a struggle that the velociraptors would surly catch her.  She prepared for the fight of her life by taking a couple steps back to get into a better stance.  Suddenly she felt her foot press down on something soft and then instinctively put her hands to her ears to protect them from an ear shattering scream coming from behind her.



   Tricia was having the most wonderful dream.  She was floating through a world filled with a warm pink fluff.  Sweet bubbles were everywhere and she quickly darted her head, grabbing as many as she could and rejoicing with each squirt of their sugary juice.  That was until she felt something heavy crush her tail.

   The young three horn let out a shrill screech as she reacted to the pain from her tail.  She turned to see the source of her discomfort and saw a large three toed foot pressing down on her tail.  The foot quickly rose up into the air, reacting to the three horn’s scream.  She looked up to see the appendage’s owner and saw the fierce face of the largest fast biter she had ever laid eyes on.

   “What are you doing here?”, the fast biter snapped.  Tricia knew all about Chomper and how he could speak the green eater language but it was still struck the three horn as incredibly odd that this sharptooth was in fact speaking to her.  She stood there dumbfounded, looking up in fear.  “Ugh, never mind, we have bigger worries”, the fast biter said as he turned his head around.  Tricia traced her line of sight and saw seven smaller fast biters closing in on them and let out another scream.



   Ducky heard the first scream but in her still mostly asleep state she ignored it, choosing to turn over and bury her head under her brother.  But when the second scream came her mind suddenly snapped awake and she shot her head into the air.  Several feet away she saw Tricia shaking in fear as a huge fast biter stood over her.  Oddly enough though neither of the two were actually looking at the other, instead they were looking in the direction of the pit’s only feasible exit.  Ducky traced their vision and saw the smaller fast biters.

   “Wake up you two, we’re in trouble!” she said as she shook her brother and in turn Petrie as he was lying on the spike tail.  They both woke with as start, heads darting, taking in the situation.  The large fast biter quickly looked in their direction and saw them.  “Listen you four, either we work together or we’re dead”, she barked at them.  Every fiber in Ducky’s body told her not to listen to the sharptooth but still she found herself talking almost without realizing it.  “Listen to her” she said almost automatically to Spike, Petrie and Tricia.  The three stared back at her with quizzical looks on their faces, unsure what to make of the order she just gave.

   Without hesitation the large fast biter began barking orders, trying to prevent the leaf eaters from fully analyzing the fact that they were taking orders from a sharptooth.  “Ok, I want the three horn up with me and the spike tail in between us with his tail facing out.  Your spikes aren’t very large yet but they will have to do.  Big Mouth, I want you on you on top the spike tail giving him orders since he won’t be able to see.  Finally I want the flyer in the sky, keep a look out for more of these things!”  The dinosaurs instantly sprung into action, getting into place.

   The seven small fast biters slowly approached, eying the wall of flashing spikes and claws.  Finally one jumped and tried to attack the left side of the wall, where the smaller and less developed spikes on Spike and Tricia provided less resistance than the fully grown claws of the large fast biter.  Ducky saw the fast biter coming and gasped, “Spike! To your right!”.  Spike swung his tail blindly to the right, just clipping the fast biter.  Although the blow was only strong enough to leave thin red lines on the sharp tooth’s leg it broke its concentration and caused it to start flailing through the air.  It began falling towards Tricia who closed her eyes and braced for the impact.  Ducky watched as the fast biter showed itself to be the most unlucky creature on the face of the earth.  Out of pure chance it landed on Tricia with its right eye being pierced by the three horn’s singular horn, killing it instantly.

   Ducky was horrified to see a splash of crimson blood splatter over the young three horn’s face.  Tricia didn’t move, keeping her eyes firmly shut until she finally opened them.  It took her brain a moment to analyze what she was seeing, after which she immediately passed out.

   The remaining small fast biters were too distracted by their fallen comrade’s horrible luck to notice that the large sharp tooth had just taken a huge leap towards them.  One looked up just in time to see a flash of white claws.  The large fast biter landed on the small one and tried to take a bite at its face.  All she accomplished though was to tear off a large patch of skin.  She took a small hop back and slashed at the fallen dinosaur’s belly.  Ducky quickly turned away, only catching the tiniest glimpse of the grisly blood soaked mass that slipped out.  She jumped down off spike and silently vomited, not letting anyone else see.

   The remaining small fast biters turned and ran; obviously fearful of what this odd collection of adversaries had demonstrated itself capable.  Ducky rushed over to Tricia and with Spike’s help she managed to pull the dead fast biter off the young three horn.  She looked over that the remaining sharp tooth, who returned the glance.  The sharp tooth looked at the unconscious three horn and sniffed the air, obviously detected the sweet scent of the vomit.  “Pathetic,” it muttered.

   “What happened to the baby sharptooth from yesterday?”  Petrie asked as he softly landed next to the big mouth.  Ducky looked around and noticed that the young sharptooth was, in fact, gone.  They had taken it with them and it was there when they had fallen asleep the night before, but the baby sharptooth was quite clearly gone now.  “It doesn’t matter, we have bigger problems.  Fan Tricia please”.

   The flyer obliged and beat his wings furiously over the still unmoving three horn form.  Eventually Tricia groaned and opened her eyes, quickly focusing her attention at Ducky who was leaning in front of her.  “I want to go home, I don’t like this place,” she mumbled.  Ducky was starting to get the same feelings; the world outside the valley didn’t suit them at all.  Still, Ducky knew they had to go find Littlefoot.  “Just rest sweety, it’ll be ok”.

   “The name’s Comis, or at least that’s what you can call me,” came a rough but feminine voice from behind Ducky.  Ducky looked up at Comis, unsure of what to say.  “You all are obviously not from around here, so what is it your looking for?”  Ducky was slow to respond but finally managed to mutter, “We come from the Great Valley”.  The sharptooth’s expression suddenly changed as she started examining the big mouth closely.  “And are you looking for a long neck with a scar just like this?” Comis said, showing the flat tooth her crescent scar.  “Why, yes actually,” Ducky stammered in surprise.  “Perfect,” the sharptooth said as a wide smile grew on her face.  Ducky wasn’t laughing.



   “So you and Littlefoot are mates?” Chomper asked, dumbfounded.  The young sharptooth was sitting next to the large form of Cera.  Cera was lying on the ground, head on her legs, staring off into the horizon.  She had watched the moon slowly rise, and saw it silhouette a tree shaped like a long neck.  The three horn stared at it until the moon started to move too high in the sky.  She found it funny, that the moon can move so far while she stared right at it, yet it seemed to be perfectly still.  Cera had always wondered about the moon and the stars, they were so beautiful yet so mysterious.  She had always ignored the stories and myths about them that others bought so easily for the simple reason that they all said the stars and the moon were close.  But something inside her told her they were far, far away.  A part of something so much bigger then her, something she could never comprehend.

   Cera normally hated feeling that way.  That something was bigger, grander, and more important than her.  Yet for some reason she enjoyed her feeling of inferiority to something so beautiful.  It just felt right.  Sometimes, it’s good to have no control she always said to herself, though she would never admit feeling this way.

   The three horn turned away from the moon and looked across the desolate landscape she had grown to know as the Mysterious Beyond.  She glanced at the Healer, who was quietly slumbering a short distance away, before looking back at Chomper sitting next to her.

   “It’s not that serious, we’re just…. Together,” she finally managed to say after a long pause.

   “Why did he leave you then?” Chomper responded.

   “I don’t know, he just did”

   “Do you think it’s really a good idea?”

   “Of course not!  Leaving me like that was stupid,” Cera barked back.  Why would he ever think it could be justified? She quietly thought to herself.  “No, I meant being together” Chomper responded, a little hurt.  “Why would it not be a good idea?” Cera asked, pretending to be annoyed but deep down she was actually curious.

   “Well, it’s not very long term thing.  You can’t have kids or anything.  So wouldn’t you feel like something was missing?  I guess you could pull a Spike but it’s not really the same thing.  Besides, I watched you two grow up, and I saw a lot of love between you.  But not like this” Chomper finished.  “Like how then?” Cera asked, throwing away her disguise of annoyance.  “Well there was this one time when I was telling this other sharp tooth kid I met, back on the island, about you guys.  I was very excited and so I was talking really fast and without thinking I said ëLittlefoot and his sister Cera’.  I didn’t even realize it till later,” said Chomper as he started to find a comfy position to fall asleep in.

   Cera was silent for a while, thinking to herself.  “But what if that’s not what I want,” she finally said.  “Well some things just aren’t in our control,” he replied as he curled up and closed his eyes, “And sometimes, it’s good to have no control”.



   Ali’s mind was operating at a mile per minute, absorbing everything that had happened the night before.  Littlefoot had told her about everything that had happened in the past several days.  She focused on the news about him and Cera first.  He confessed that he had his doubts about the relationship with the three horn and Ali had heard him out.  In truth Ali knew he was right, she had always seen them having a very different kind of relationship.  Still Ali knew it wasn’t her place; it was something Littlefoot and Cera had to work out on their own.

   “We should be there tonight,” Luca suddenly called from up ahead.  Ali looked forward at the group.  After much pleading Littlefoot had convinced Luca to let her and Rhett join them on their journey.  Boy was that three horn mad when Littlefoot asked she thought to herself, I should be careful where I sleep, he might try to push me off a cliff so he doesn't have to be bothered by me anymore! She silently chuckled at what she felt was such a ridiculous notion.

   She looked at the landscape around her.  They were on a steep mountain, various patches of dirt, leaves, and rock giving the ground a patched appearance.  The forest was much thinner, as was the air, Ali noted as she stopped to catch her breath.  She looked at Littlefoot and found herself staring at the crimson patch on his back.  For nearly a minute her eyes remained locked on the colored skin, until Rhett broke her out of her trance.

   “What are you staring at?” Rhett asked.

   “Oh nothing,” Ali quickly replied, blushing slightly.  “What did you two do last night?” Rhett then question, his voice filled with unsaid accusations.  “Nothing, we talked” Ali replied sternly as she followed Littlefoot again after her rest.  Rhett stared after her, a look of anger plastered on his face.




It'll go up on fanfic once I get around to it


Nick22

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Nice work, when is the next chapter going up?
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raga

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Well Ladies and gents, after and incredibly busy fall, here ya go. Enjoy!

Chapter 8:
Battle at the Cave
   
The massive sharptooth was only slightly smaller than the T-rex it had just passed.  As it slowly walked into the large, dark chamber it passed through a beam of light from above, revealing its appearance.  The sharptooth was a Carcharodontosaurus, or Carcar for short, with light tan and green skin and a very pale underside.  The Carcar’s muscular legs carried the heavy T-rex like body and were in contrast with the small and skimpy arms.  A series of eight green-blue stripes covered his back, streaking from side to side.  But the most striking details on this Carcar were its various battle scars.  The white lines of scar tissue covered its body, and he was missing nearly a foot of his tail.  Altogether it was obvious this sharptooth had been through many battles in its life.
   
The Carcar walked toward the far side of the cavern, a couple hundred yards away from the cavern entrance guarded by the monstrous T-rex he had passed earlier.  He eventually came to a stop, the tremors caused by his heavy footsteps ceasing, and looked at the pitch black corner that contained his master.  Why do I still call him master, I don’t need him but he needs me he thought to himself.

“Is a plan for the hatching ready?” came a booming voice from the darkness.  “Yes, it’s all drawn up and the orders have been given” the Carcar replied.  “Excellent, Commander Stub” the voice replied.  The Carcar desperately fought back the urge to correct the hidden sharptooth.  His name wasn’t stub, it was Blacktooth, Stub was a nickname given to him after he received his tail injury.  Still, his master had somehow gotten the idea in his head that Stub was the Carcar’s real name and the sharptooth knew it was best not to correct him.

“Oh, and commander, this better work, our entire campaign depends on it” the voice said with a strange inflection that told Blacktooth his master was delightfully imagining ways to punish the Carcar for any failure.  “We’ll see if you Carcharodontosauruses are actually as intelligent as they claim” the voice added.
The Carcar’s were among a large number of sharptooth species to have been either exterminated or killed off to nothing more than a few surviving members.  Unlike the Utahraptors though Carcars weren’t the victims of genocide, but of their own greed.  Carcars are considered the planners of the sharptooth species.  They are generally more intelligent and when they get organized, armies led by them are unstoppable.  This lead to the near conquering of the sharptooth world when the entire Carcar species joined together, but their incredible greed made them all turned on each other.  After the backstabbing was done fewer than a hundred individuals were left.

How far my kind has fallen Blacktooth thought to himself, from near masters of the world to lowly servants to a tyrant.  “Do not fret my master, all will go according to plan, the new Cornu Valde will be within our control”  Blacktooth said.  “Good, go now, your inferiority is giving me a headache” the voice replied.
The Carcar turned and started to walk away.  One day, I’ll kill you myself he thought as left his master’s chamber.  





Cera pushed down on her leg, slowing adding pressure, carefully searching for the point where the pain would take over.  She reached it and with a small yelp she quickly pulled her leg back up off the ground.  Still, the three horn was pleased with her progress.  The leg must not have been nearly as injured as everyone thought, it was healing very rapidly.  Still though The Healer mandated regular breaks and prevented Cera from ever putting too much strain on the leg.

They were on one of those frequent breaks, lying beneath the shade of a large tree, its leaves protecting them from the sun beating down from above.  Cera sighed as she returned to her most frequent subject of thought over the past few days of travel, her conversation with Chomper.  That sharptooth is smarter then he looks she thought as she turned to look at the purple dinosaur as he picked at the tree’s bark.  Suddenly Chomper plunged his hand into a hole he had just created and picked a long brown bug that seemed to have a hundred legs.  The sharptooth popped his head back, opened his jaws, and threw the bug in.  Cera turned her head away a second before she heard the sickening crunch.  “Eww” she whispered to herself.

Littlefoot had felt like a brother to her over all these years.  She had always felt much closer to him then to the rest of the gang, which was saying quite a bit considering how close she was to all of them.  Still, Cera wasn’t sure she wanted to give up what she had found with Littlefoot.
“Move” The Healer suddenly called out as she got up and started walking.  Cera quietly obeyed.






A winged beetle landed on a small stone on a cliffs edge, giving its wings a momentary rest.  At first the flying insect thought it was alone, but when the rock it was resting on shifted the beetle quickly took off again, realizing it had landed on the head of a young long neck.

That head belonged to Littlefoot, who was lying on his belly, gazing across the deep, steep valley before him.  On his left were Ali and Rhett, lying in similar positions, while Luca was on his right.  On the opposite side of the valley was the destination to their long journey, the Cornu Valde’s birthing cave.

It was a cave deep within a strange mountain range.  A maze of peeks, valleys, caves, tunnels and cliff-side paths made up a formidable barrier.  And it was cold, the whole area constantly covered in a layer of snow.  It turned out that “We should be there tonight” had actually meant “We will be at the base of the mountains tonight”.  Five more days of climbing through the freezing mountains followed that until finally they had reached this point.

Now they sat in hiding, watching the cave closely.  There were two paths that lead to the cave itself, one was large and spacious but the other was narrow, dangerous, and very steep.  They knew sharptooth forces would be hiding around somewhere so the four of them were carefully watched, planning on what to do.
“Don’t you think the four of us don’t stand a chance against a bunch of sharpteeth?” Littlefoot whispered to Luca.  “There won’t be many of them; it’s hard to get large groups up the mountains” the three horn replied without even looking back at Littlefoot.  “Well how do we tell when the next eclipse is?” Littlefoot next asked, looking up at the cloud covered sky.  The sun wasn’t anywhere in sight.

“That’s how” Ali suddenly said and Littlefoot adjusted his gaze to match hers.  A section of cloud had suddenly cleared, a perfect circle right around the sun, and right on queue a black circle began eating away at it.

Littlefoot’s mouth simply hung open.  It was almost like some unseen dinosaur had just reached down and caused all to happen on command.  It was too perfect.

“Move” Luca barked as he jumped up and started running down the path that eventually meets up with the wide path leading to the cave.  The others panted as they tried to keep up, ever careful not to lose their grip and topple over the edge to the deep valley beside them.  As they turned onto the path leading to the cave they could see the tail end of a group of sharpteeth ahead of them, and Littlefoot felt fear creep into his body.

Just as they got close to the cave, the ground started rumbling. Luca skidded to a halt and Littlefoot slammed into him as the long neck couldn’t stop his momentum.  Littlefoot arched his head around Luca to see why the three horn had stop and saw a quickly growing pile of rocks blocking their path.  The long neck followed the rocks up to the source and saw a large sharptooth looking down, a wide grin on its face.  It’s a trap Littlefoot suddenly thought.

“You idiots!  You ruined everything!” came a voice from behind the group.  Littlefoot turned to see a group of ten fully grown three horns running up to them.  The front runner in the group was the one who had spoken.  “Dam!  You ruined it!  Who are you?  Is that you Luca!” the three horn said they grew closer.

“Forehorn!  Behind us!” a three horn from the back called.  The three horn apparently called Forehorn, which was the first three horn to speak, looked back.  Littlefoot looked too, and saw ten fast bitters and two large sharpteeth bearing down on the group.  “Screwed, screwed, I hope your happy we’re all screwed!” the Forehorn spat in disgusted as he took another look at Littlefoot and his friends.  “Back six, form ranks!” he then called back to the other three horns apparently under his command.

The six three horns closest to the sharpteeth quickly ran to meet them, leaving a large amount of path between them and the rock wall.  Moments before meeting up with the vicious predators though, they formed a line that stretched the length of the path, creating a wall of horns facing the sharpteeth.  It was obvious by the level of discipline that these three horns had seen a lot of fighting in their days.

“Littlefoot look!  Up there!”  Ali called out.  Littlefoot looked to a point further up the mountain that Ali had indicated to and saw more fast biters half running, half tumbling down the mountain side towards them.  Littlefoot had just enough time count ten fast biters before one jumped straight at the long neck.  Littlefoot’s instincts took over and he whipped his tail at the fast biter.  He hit the dinosaur and it was knocked off balance, tumbling through the air straight towards the cliffs edge.  It desperately reached out in a last ditch attempted to grab Littlefoot’s tail and pull its self up but only managed to leave a light scratch on the longneck.  

Littlefoot watched as the fast bitter disappeared over the cliffs edge.
Littlefoot stared after it for a moment.  I just killed it he thought to himself in disbelief.  The dinosaur quickly snapped back to attention though as he saw another fast biter lunge at him out of the corner of his eye.  He ducked his head and the fast biter flew right over it, landing and skidding to a halt.  

The fast biter glared back up to Littlefoot and jumped at him again, this time aiming for the center of the long neck’s mass.  Littlefoot again tried to whip the fast biter with his tail but missed, and the small carnivore landed on his back, clawing at him.

Littlefoot cried out in pain then slammed his body into the rock face, trying to crush the fast biter, but the creature manage to climb up on the long neck’s back and then jump off.  The two circled for a moment before the fast biter yet again jumped at Littlefoot, who yet again tried to hit it with his tail.  This time though he was successful, slamming the fast biter into the rock face with incredible force.  

Littlefoot looked away as heard the crack of breaking bones.  He then looked back to see the fast biter on the ground, alive but badly hurt.  The long neck walked up to it, leaned in, and said “Run”.  The fast biter happily obliged as it quickly jumped up and limped and scrabbled its way up the rock pile blocking the path, somehow managing to make it over the top.

Littlefoot looked back at the others to see the fight quickly wrapping up.  All ten of the fast biters that had attacked behind the three horn line were either lying dead on the ground, or mysteriously missing.  Littlefoot assumed the missing fast biters had taken a little plunge over the edge.  From what Littlefoot could tell the three horn line and the other group of sharpteeth had simply stood around looking menacing the whole time as the line was still intact and all the sharpteeth that were there in the beginning were now walking away unharmed.  Littlefoot sighed with relief when he saw Ali was okay.  Still, the long necks legs felt like jelly as he realized he had just killed.





“Here, just follow this trail and you’ll arrive”  Comis said as the sharptooth stopped and looked back at the leaf eaters following her.  Ducky looked past her up the trail, which lead straight up the side of a heavily wooded mountain.  “This volcano is the famous Animus Mountain” Comis added.

“Volcano?  What is that?” Petrie asked as he perched on Spike’s head.  Idiots Comis thought to herself.  “It’s a mountain that spews fire and lava”  Comis replied, barely hiding his disgust.  She looked back at the flyer who just hung his head.  “Now listen, all of you, I cannot follow you beyond this point.  If they see a sharptooth they kill on sight, so I have to stay down here.  But each day, just before the bright circle, as you seem to call it, is about to disappear below the horizon I want the flyer to come down here and update me on what is going on.  Now I warn the four of you, those three horns don’t take too kindly to other species.  Good luck” Comis finished.  With that the Utah raptor got up and ran off, leaving the four leaf eaters at the foot of Animus Mountain.






“What are you doing here Luca!”  The three horn Littlefoot only knew as Forehorn said.  Littlefoot looked at Luca to see a puzzled look on the three horn’s face.  
“Wha-wha-what do you mean?  I brought Littlefoot of the Great Valley”  Luca stammered in response.  “You brought wh- Oh…” Forehorn trailed off.

Forehorn started pacing back and forth.  “Okay, I guess this is kind of my bad.  Hehe, woops”  Forehorn said with an awkward smile.  “Which one of you is Littlefoot?” He said looking back at the three long necks looking on in confusion.  
“I am”  Littlefoot responded.  “So you’re a real dinosaur?” the Forehorn asked quizzically.  “Well… Ya” Littlefoot said, his confusion growing.

“Forehorn Kiga, permission to give post-battle report” said another three horn that had just walked up to the group.  “Permission granted” the Forehorn, who Littlefoot now knew was actually called Forehorn Kiga, responded.

“Battle Group 1 and four non-soldier leaf eaters engaged two groups of hostile sharpteeth that together contained two T-Rexes and twenty D-chews.  Friendly forces suffered only minor injuries while hostile forces suffered six confirmed D-chew kills and three presumed D-chew kills.  All other hostiles fled the fight”  the three horn finished.  “Ya, thanks soldier, go get Silus” Forehorn Kiga replied, after obviously ignoring every word the other three horn had said.

“Well since I’m about to tell you some shocking and probably unwelcome news I might as well introduce myself.  My official title is Forehorn Kiga, leader of Battle Group 1, but since you’re not soldiers you can just call me Kiga” the three horn said.  “Uh, nice to meet you Kiga” Ali replied after a long pause by the three long necks.

Kiga turned to a new three horn that had just joined the group, obviously the Silus Kiga had asked for, and for the first time since the battle Littlefoot’s head started thinking a little clearly as he started to examine the two three horns in front of him.  Kiga seemed like an unusually small three horn but every square inch of his body budged with muscle.  He had the ordinary grey body and pale underside of a fully grown three horn.  Silus was a very large three horn, but as he came near he didn’t make a sound, an incredible feat for such a large creature.  Silus’ coloration was also unremarkable but Littlefoot’s eyes were drawn to the mangled, knotted flesh on the three horn’s neck.  The mass of scar tissue sat right on the leaf eater’s throat in what Littlefoot assumed must have been horrible injury.

“Ah, Silus, we appear to have Littlefoot of the Great Valley in our presence” Kiga said, gesturing towards Littlefoot with his head.  Silus’ eyes grew wide as he quickly shifted his gaze between Littlefoot and Kiga.  “This is my second in command, Silus.  An injury he suffered in battle a few years ago left him mute, but trust me he’s as surprised as I am to see you” Kiga said.  “And why exactly is that mister!” Rhett suddenly said, putting on the fake “tough guy” attitude that Littlefoot was all too used to seeing.

“Well first off I doubt Luca has been very honest about who he is, have you Luca?”  Kiga said in a taunting tone.  Luca, who seemed just as confused as the long necks, looked away at this remark.  “Luca here was always… well the most enthusiastic of the young three horns, he spent his entire childhood training in hopes to one day join us, the Animus Benevolentia.  But this often got him in trouble; in fact he started becoming quite the pain.  It was because of a blunder on his part similar to what happened today that the egg was stolen in the first place.  We couldn’t bear to punish such an enthusiastic child but we couldn’t afford to have him mess anything else up.  So we lied.” Kiga said.

“What do you mean you lied!” Luca suddenly burst, his face contorted in furry.  “Luca, the seer is a ceremonial figure, she doesn’t actually have the ability to predict the future.  In fact that whole idea is simply ridiculous” Kiga responded.

Luca’s jaw dropped, pure shock crossing his face.  “We needed to be rid of you for a few months, but we couldn’t bear hurting you.  So we came up with some silly name we never thought anyone would actually have and came up with a location we never thought you could find” Kiga finished.  “Oh and by the way Littlefoot, your name is simply ridiculous, I mean honestly.  You’re a long neck, you have a huge foot!” Kiga added with a slight chuckle.

Luca and the three long necks simply stared in shock at what was revealed at them, any humor completely lost.  “Oh come on, not even a chuckle?  Okay… Umm, sorry?” Kiga said with an awkward smile.


Serris

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Cool and nice update! Looks like I am not the only one with a liking for militaristic dinosaurs.

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Please read and rate: Land Before Time: Twilight Valley - The GOF's original LBT war story.


Cancerian Tiger

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Finally, an update!  I can't wait to see where this goes :yes.


Pangaea

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Nice to see a new chapter. :yes The twist at the end was very interesting, though it made me feel sorry for both Luca and Littlefoot. I daresay they've both had their pride severely wounded, the former because he’s found out he’s unwanted and the supposed prophecy he's in was only made up to get rid of him, and the latter because he’s found out that not only is he not part of a prophecy, but he was only included in the false one because he happened to have the same name that was made up for it as a joke.

Just a suggestion I had regarding paragraph division in scenes with dialogue: there are multiple occasions in which one character speaks immediately after another in the same paragraph. I frequently find myself reading the lines of the second character as a continuation of the first character’s dialogue. While it always becomes obvious later on that this is not the case, it is rather distracting. I think the conversations would be easier to read if you added a new paragraph whenever the speaking character alternated, as in the following example:
Quote
“What do you mean you lied!” Luca suddenly burst, his face contorted in furry.

“Luca, the seer is a ceremonial figure, she doesn’t actually have the ability to predict the future. In fact that whole idea is simply ridiculous” Kiga responded.
And while I’m at it, “fury” should be spelled with just one ëR’.

Also, I hate to say it, but you’re still leaving out commas right before the endquotes when characters are speaking (as at the end of Kiga’s line in the quote above).

One more nitpick (sorry :():
Quote
“It’s a mountain that spews fire and lava” Comis replied, barely hiding his disgust.
Isn’t Comis a female? That should be “her”.



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raga

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Quote
Just a suggestion I had regarding paragraph division in scenes with dialogue: there are multiple occasions in which one character speaks immediately after another in the same paragraph. I frequently find myself reading the lines of the second character as a continuation of the first character’s dialogue. While it always becomes obvious later on that this is not the case, it is rather distracting. I think the conversations would be easier to read if you added a new paragraph whenever the speaking character alternated, as in the following example:
Noted, I was rather confused as to how to write such dialog heavy scenes, thank ya

Quote
And while I’m at it, “fury” should be spelled with just one ëR’.
Hehe, woops  :oops

Quote
Also, I hate to say it, but you’re still leaving out commas right before the endquotes when characters are speaking (as at the end of Kiga’s line in the quote above).
Ugh, I keep forgetting that  :slap

Quote
Isn’t Comis a female? That should be “her”.
drat....  :oops  :oops  :oops

You are one careful proof reader Pangea, do mind if I enlist your services for future chapters?  Just a quick look over would be all I ask and you would have the fun perk of seeing chapters before everyone else!


Pangaea

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^ Thanks. And sure, I can do that. :) Just send me the chapters by PM.



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raga

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Wooff eg?

Wooff eg you say! Thats preposterous! Dog's don't lay eggs!  Plus it's spelled with two g's!  Darn!  I am bad at being cryptic!


raga

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Well, after such a long break that I have probably lost all my readers, we have Chapter 9.  Oh, and sorry about my horrible fail at being mysterious, it was just a really bad anagram for the title of this chapter.  Also, I'm sorry its a tad short, I just had to get something out as motivation, the next chapter will be longer.  It kinda has to, for what my plans are.


Chapter 9
And Off We Go
Written By: Raga
Edited By: Pangaea



   The massive flyer glided through the mountains, its drab grey coat making it blend in with the clouds above.  It looked down on the majestic mountains below it, their snow capped peaks clawing up at the flyer.  To the south it could see the legendary Animus Mountain, with its distinct crater and its noticeably smaller snow cover.  The flyer was not headed there though, it was flying east towards the desolate plains that stretched towards the horizon, which were in stark contrast to the rich forests found on the mountain range’s west side.

   Many said the plains, known as the Eastern Lands, were the worst place in the world to live.  Hundreds of miles of miserable terrain filled with roving armies and savage sharpteeth.  My horrible home, the flyer thought to himself, grimacing and revealing a set of tiny, sharp teeth.

   The flyer started to glide low across the plains as a rock outcropping appeared on the horizon.  It grew larger as the pterosaur flew closer, gliding just a few feet over the perfectly flat terrain.  Moments before hitting the pile of massive boulders jutting up out of the ground the flyer flared its wings, turning them perpendicular to the ground.  The massive leathery surface caught the air, drastically cutting the flyer’s speed and giving it a slight vertical bump up.

   The last minute bump in altitude and drastic reduction of speed was just enough for the flyer to land perfectly on the edge of a large flat surface on the rock outcropping.  The Pterosaur then looked up at the massive Carcharodontosaurus standing before it.  “Commander Blacktooth," the flyer said with a bow.

   “Enough, how did the operation go?”  Blacktooth asked.

   “It was a success sir, all went according to plan and our forces are preparing to bring the hatchling Cornu Valde back.”

   “Excellent,” the Carcar responded as he turned to leave.

   “There is one other thing sir, one of the D-chews sent behind the Three Horn line survived but is badly injured.  It will slow us down, what should we do?”

   “Those D-chews were sent on that suicide mission because they were expendable,” Blacktooth said as he walked away.  “So expend of him.”





   “So you’re telling me,” Littlefoot was saying, “that there is actually no real reason for me being here at all?”

   “Essentially, yes,”  Kiga replied, the awkward smile seeming plastered on the three horn’s face.

   Littlefoot felt as if a boulder had just hit him.  The longneck staggered for a moment before deciding to rest his weight on the rock face beside him.  It was all for nothing, he thought to himself.  Littlefoot began running through everything that had happened because of this lie: Cera’s suicide attempt, him leaving the three horn when she needed him, this journey to a strange place further from his home then he had ever been.

   Kiga looked down at the earth in front of him and shook his massive head.  He sighed before saying “Listen, I feel horrible about his mix-up.  Come with us to Animus and we’ll get you some food, rest, and a guide to take ya home.  How about it?”

   “But Sir,” piped a dark grey Three Horn behind Kiga.  “They’re longnecks!”.

   Kiga’s face furrowed, as if he was holding back a surge of anger.  “So what, soldier?”

   “Well, I know it’s not illegal anymore but…”

   “But what?”

   “But, neither is getting eaten by a Sharptooth, and we don’t do anythig silly like that”.

   Kiga rolled his eyes before saying “So, why don’t you go try?”

   “Sir?” the Three Horn replied, stunned.

   “You heard me, if it’s not against our laws, than go try it!  Go find a Sharptooth and get eaten!  I’ll watch!”.

   The Three Horn had a look of pure horror on its face as it took a startled step back.  “S-s-sir, is that an order?”

   “Oh!  So now you remember that I’m the one in charge?  Good, don’t forget it again,” Kiga snarled at the soldier.  The Forehorn turned his attention back to Littlefoot.  “Don’t mind him, unfortunately our people tend not to take very kindly to certain folk, if you know what I mean”.

   “What does he mean?” Rhett asked from behind Littlefoot.

   Kiga gave the long neck a curious look, before again turning back to Littlefoot, “He’s a bit slow isn’t he?”.

   Littlefoot ignored his fellow traveler’s confused look and said, “We’ll take your offer, we wouldn’t be able to find our way home anyhow”.  He looked back at Luca, whose eyes were glued to the dirt, avoiding all eye-contact.  “What will happen to him?” Littlefoot asked while nodding towards Luca. “None of this is really his fault”.

   Kiga let out a massive sigh before answering “He’ll probably just be returned to his normal duties.  As you said, he didn’t do anything he didn’t feel he was told to.  It’s not liked he tried to kill someone”.






   Ducky sat erect on Spike’s back as the spiketail walked slowly up the steep path.  For a time the path was lined with nothing but rock, but as Ducky examined the rock, she noticed it was rather peculiar.  It was jet black, yet at the same time shiny.  A constant line of reflected light shifted off the surface of the stone’s
peculiar surface.

   As the swimmer hunched over to get a better view of the rock as she walked, she noticed that it was smooth for the most part, but had ripples.  In fact, the whole side of the path seemed like one solid stone with the appearance of a black river frozen in place, complete with heavily wooded river banks on both of its shores.  She followed the rock river with her eyes.  It stretched several hundred feet up the steep slope, before being obscured by a ridge.  A similar pattern appeared on the downhill leg, as the rock river continued for another hundred feet or so before disappearing into a wooded area.

   Ducky found it all quite strange.  Even the path they walked on was odd.  The rough dirt road was the only blemish to the rock flow, a thin strip of dirt that did not look natural.  Rather, it was almost as if some had brought it here and made the path atop the black stone as a way to bridge it.  Her thoughts suddenly ceased as she ran into the large green leg of Spike, which stood frozen in place directly in her path.  

   “Ouch! Spike, why have you stopped!  We need to keep going, we do, we do!” she yelled as she rubbed her beak.  She slowly peered around the massive, tree-trunk like leg to see what the commotion was.  Her jaw dropped as two massive Three Horns, horns pointing out, teeth clenched, blocked the path of the travelers.


DarkWolf91

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Awesome! Can't wait to see where this is going- keep it up :D



Cancerian Tiger

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Glad to see this was finally updated :yes!  I can't wait to see Littlefoot's reaction when he learns he was wrong about Cera tryin' to off herself.  Keep 'em comin' :D!


Nick22

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good to see the update, keep up the good work raga! :)
Winner of these:


Runner up for these:




Pangaea

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Gah! I feel so bad about taking so long to post here! :oops I’m so sorry! :bang

Fantastic to see a new chapter, even if it is a short one. :smile And that was very kind of you to cite me as the editor. :) Thanks.

Out of curiosity, what species is the flyer at the beginning of the chapter supposed to be?

I’m glad that Kiga is at least non-racist and hospitable toward the longnecks, consideringóbased on his up-front statement to Littlefoot about his nameóhe perhaps isn’t the most polite. :p

Hopefully Ducky, Spike, and Petrie will be able to get in unharmed. I imagine they have a slightly better chance of dealing with the threehorns since Tricia’s with them.

I already mentioned this in my proofreading PM, but I’m guessing the unusual black rock Ducky notices is obsidian, or volcanic glass.

Hopefully we’ll be seeing more chapters from you soon. :)



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