The Land Before Time > LBT Fanfiction

Shorty's Dark Past 2.0

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Ducky123:
As I was announcing a while ago, I decided to revamp Shorty's Dark Past
Shorty's Dark Past. Parts of the plot will be altered but there won't be any major scenes cut. I seriously hope that this new version will be a major improvement over my first draft, especially as far as the first 20-30 chapters are concerned.

That being said, I have not fully finished writing my chapter synopsis, however I've got the first part of the story down by now so I decided to start writing. Current planned schedule is two chapters a week, however I cannot guarantee it due to the scorching heat in my area which drains my motivation.

Anyway, have a look at my completely rewritten prologue  :^^spike

~~~~~

Shorty's Dark Past

Prologue:

The child opened its eyes, still feeling sleepy. Drowsily, while uttering a hearty yawn, it rose to its feet, taking in its surroundings. It seemed as though it had woken up in a valley the child had never been to before. Mountains, so steep that climbing them seemed futile, with occasional vegetation somehow holding on to the bare rock, surrounded the location. Forests were growing at the edges and the grass beneath the child’s feet was green and moist.

Looking ahead, the valley seemed to conclude in a rocky passageway of sorts while there was no end in sight behind. A very narrow but long valley, as it seemed.

As the last remnants of drowsiness fell from its eyes, it suddenly began to notice the most obscene of all details around it.

Longnecks, hundreds of them, it seemed. They were all headed towards what seemed to be an exit somewhere ahead. And, above all, they were flying! Hovering a few meters above the ground! Since when could longnecks fly?

Suddenly, the child still awe-struck about the new discovery, it felt a sudden force, first pulling on its long tail, then on it’s even longer neck until it, too, was hovering a little bit above the green grass.

“Whoa!” it thought, simultaneously scared and amazed by the sudden ability. A careful kick of its leg drove it further up. Soon, it knew how to navigate and aimed for a hovering rock not too far away. As it leaped onto the rock, it began spinning really fast, momentarily confusing the child’s head but as soon as the rock halted again, a magnificient view greeted it.

Just at that moment, the Bright Circle had appeared behind some Sky Puffies, shining with brilliance upon the whole valley. Abruptly, without the child’s consent, it began hovering towards the mysterious exit of the valley that everyone seemed to head to. But strangely enough, the child was in the least worried. Some subconscious feeling told it that this was a good thing to happen.

So it quietly hovered along the other longnecks until it had reached the narrow and steep passageway, that lead across the humongous walls of the valley. But, hardly in, the situation changed rapidly. Suddenly, the Bright Circle slowly disappeared not behind clouds but behind what appeared to the child like a black ball on the sky. Clouds, looking more like smoke than anything, began rapidly developing around the weakening Bright Circle, spiralling closer and closer.

“What is happening!?”

Terrified by the events, terrified by the darkness that spread over the land quickly, it closed its eyes shut. However, children were too curious for their own good. They always were. Such it was with this one. If only just a little bit, it opened one eye only to see the Bright Circle reappear. But something was wrong. Terribly wrong. It went too fast for the child to even realize what was happening. One moment there was a ball of fire approaching fast until it filled the whole sky, and then there was… nothing. It was then that the child screamed at the top of its lungs…

That was, when three little longnecks rose from their sleep with little warning, uttering a panicked scream as they did, heart pumping, breath going fast, only to realize they had once again had the very same sleepstory which had been bothering them for a good while. Little did they know that those were no ordinary sleepstories… and little did they know that these sleepstories would one day lead them all to the same place...

Grunting in annoyance, Littlefoot, Ali and Shorty slowly calmed down before they went back to sleep.

~~~~~

So there you have it. Just my personal take on that sleepstory sequence as seen in movie 10 with some foreshadowing added for those who read it the first time. The others should know where this is leading to eventually ;)

If nothing serious happens here, I should have the next one up on Monday :)

DiddyKF1:
This has me very intrigued. I never read the original version of Shorty's Dark Past, and I only watched the tenth movie once, so I remember little about it, but this looks like a very promising start. :) I can only wonder what this premonition will bring the Longnecks to.

Sovereign:
This scene is always a great way to begin the story. You managed to replicate the scene's mysterious feeling very well and this promises that the modified parts of this fic will improve SDP's storytelling quite a bit. It'll be intriguing to see just which chapters you plan to redo but I'm sure they'll make this already-great fic even better. Anyway, nice job with this prologue. :^^spike

Ducky123:

--- Quote ---This has me very intrigued. I never read the original version of Shorty's Dark Past, and I only watched the tenth movie once, so I remember little about it, but this looks like a very promising start. :) I can only wonder what this premonition will bring the Longnecks to.

--- End quote ---
Thanks for the review! I hope that the coming chapters will not disappoint then :)


--- Quote ---This scene is always a great way to begin the story. You managed to replicate the scene's mysterious feeling very well and this promises that the modified parts of this fic will improve SDP's storytelling quite a bit. It'll be intriguing to see just which chapters you plan to redo but I'm sure they'll make this already-great fic even better. Anyway, nice job with this prologue. :^^spike
--- End quote ---
Ah, I'm really glad that it worked as an introduction  :^^spike

Thanks for the review and, yeah, it'll be interesting to compare to the old version every now and then I guess :P The prologue was originally like... 3 sentences. And chapter 1 is written from scratch too. And soon the number of chapters won't correlate anyway because I added quite a bit early on  :lol

rhombus:
Now this is an excellent way to introduce a story - present just enough that the reader sees that the three main characters are connected, but leave how they come together as a mystery that has yet to be told. I don't really have much more to say at the moment, but I look forward to seeing how the narrative goes from here relative to SDP's original incarnation.  :)

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