Here is the thing. I am like a lot of the members here in the way that I am very, very concerned about the chance of hurting or bothering another member. This tendency of mine has led me to an obstacle, if you will, towards my communication here with the members through PM’s. Allow me to explain. Throughout my years here, I have sent PM’s to active members that warranted a reply, such as a request or sharing of opinion. About five percent of the time, I never get a reply. The people this happens with log on many times after my message was sent, yet nothing comes back to me.
Every time I message someone who logs on several times after I sent it, I get no reply, and a very long period of time goes by after my message was sent, like weeks, I really worry that I may have hurt or bothered such members. Every time I PM someone though, I proofread it, and I personally never find offensive things in my messages to people. Now, I have considered another factor. Sometimes I think that maybe members are tired so don’t feel like talking, or are having a bad day so don’t want any socialization, just want to be alone with their thoughts. However, that theory of mine has really been crashing down lately. Sometimes, I will PM a member, that member will log in several times and not reply, then I occasionally casually hear from a friend that he or she was in recent contact with the member in question, after I PMed the member in question, so the not-feeling-up-to-talking theory is nullified.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. Every member, moderator, and administrator here has the right to free speech. We can all choose whether or not to answer someone, and I fully understand and respect that right. So what is my point then? It is this: I have recently heard from two members that they frequently send PM’s, get a message saying they were sent, yet they never actually arrived in the person’s inbox. That made me start to really wonder if perhaps I’ve never been offensive in a PM here, but instead, all my unanswered messages simply didn’t go through. Therefore, at times I worry I’ve upset people, the actual case may be that the person simply didn’t get the message and would have happily replied to it if he or she had.
So I am asking what you guys think people should do when they don’t get a reply. The thing is, if a message really DID offend, pursuing this member may upset him or her even more. On the other hand, if the person never got it, there is no harm at all in seeing why there was no response. So how should I and other such members approach this? Should we automatically assume a message with no reply was offensive and therefore not message that member anymore? Should the sender personally try again later and ask if the previous message was received? Should we ask a friend to PM this member to see if the message was gotten, assuming if one message didn’t work by the sender, the second might not either?
I want to be mature about this. If I don’t get a reply, I do not at all want to keep pestering the person to the point of anger when the person wants to be left alone or was unhappy with what I said. However, when I want to know something from a member or would like something to be done in regards to another member, and I send a PM to the member in question, and it simply never arrived, a member wouldn’t be bothered at all to know he or she was sent a message that simply didn’t go through. So I am asking the public how things like this should be handled. With the possibility the person never got the message and the possibility the person is upset with the message looming in the air together, what is the right course of action to take? Thank you for your time.
