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Earning Restitution

StrutEggStealer

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And here I guess I have a chance to show of my average writing skills^^
This is my first LBT fanfic!

==
   Pterano meant no harm, really. All he wanted was a chance, a chance to prove that no job was too big for him, a chance to convince everyone he was capable of being a leader. But, that wasn’t how it had turned out, much like all of his schemes. He was still regarded as a ne’er-do-well, a wild, crazy flyer who never thought things through; a pompous, stuck-up, self-centered jerk with absolutely no sense of responsibility. Pterano snorted in mid-air, staring gloomily ahead into the dusky horizon as the Bright Circle lowered itself before her sister circle took over her nightly duties.

   It had only been a little over a month since his banishment, but already, it had seemed to Pterano that he had waited out over five cold times in the Mysterious Beyond. He was still with the far walkers, figuring it better to stick with greater numbers while he abided to his punishment. Now they were traveling along dry plains. Water and food here were scarce, but thankfully, the place where they were resting for the night happened to bear a considerable amount of green food. Pterano had cut off from the group upon entering this oasis and settled himself in a tree a ways off. It wasn’t that he disliked the company, but he had been feeling rather restless on the road and preferred to keep to himself. The other far walkers gave him a wide berth under these circumstances; really, under any circumstances. Pterano wasn’t very popular around here, but the old flyer didn’t really mind. It gave him time to think: about his banishment… about that idiotic Stone… about Rinkus and Sierra, his two henchmen that he hadn’t seen since his banishment and hoped he never would.

   Rinkus and Sierra, Pterano mused absently. Rinkus was naive, borderline clueless, and easily manipulated. Pterano wouldn’t hesitate to land a hard whack on Rinkus’ head for some stupid idea or action, but Sierra was different. Nearly matching Pterano in height, wingspan, but being at least six seasons younger and bearing an awful temper, Sierra made a nasty foe. Pterano remembered one such incident when the two had a disagreement, which quickly escalated to a full-blown duel. Both of them ended up winded and nearly knocked senseless from repeated wing-blows, but Sierra, youth still somewhat on his side, kept getting up and coming back harder until Rinkus leapt in-between the dueling flyers and insisted they stop. Pterano couldn’t help shaking one nagging thought: Sierra had nearly beaten him. But aside from all the drama, Rinkus and Sierra had made good enough stooges.

   Then the two had ditched him when he had returned to the Great Valley to seek the strange new Stone of Cold Fire. He blamed those ratty Rainbow Faces for spinning all that fancy-talk about the oh-so-magical-and-wonderful stone. Tripe! It was all frivolous tripe, and he was an idiot for listening. But he couldn’t forget that feeling he had, that stirring deep within his gut, that churning desire to go after that stone and claim its powers for himself.

   Well, that plan had worked out fabulously. Not only had Rinkus and Sierra turned their backs on him at the last possible moment, but the Stone had also turned out to be a fake. Pterano sighed, hidden within his wings. Nothing had changed for him: he was still banished, but his sentence had been reduced somewhat. ëFive cold times’ is reduced? Well, at least he had been forgiven. And by whom? That oaf Topps still hates my guts, and I’m pretty sure Old Man Longneck would have rather my sentence be a lot longer.

   Pterano’s eyebrows lowered in a pensive frown. Had there been any good that had come out of that episode…? Of course, seeing his nephews and nieces again! In their eyes, he was a hero; a brave and bold individual. Most of all, to little Petrie. A minute grin tugged at the corner of his beak. Petrie, his favorite nephew, still believed in him. The little flyer was convinced that Pterano, regardless of the fact that he had a hand in that little swimmer Ducky’s kidnapping (and not to mention that long-ago episode of leading half the herd into a deadly nest of fastbiters; the reason he was banished in the first place) could still change for the better. He had witnessed it himself, when his uncle had saved Ducky from a perilous fall.

   Obviously, having ëgood’ inside you is not enough. Pterano grunted. But what else can I do to show them?
==

Tadaah!

Edit: I edited the title of this thread at StrutEggStealer's request.
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Pterano

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OK so, this was rather good! I like your writing style! :DD I didn't notice too many mistakes, and what I did see (and can remember off the top of my head) is that you should put a semi-colon after "who never thought things through" to break up that sentence a bit, as commas become too weak after awhile to hold ALL those thoughts together, and a semi-colon would act better and provide some much needed strength. :yes

If you're going to capitalize the Far in far walkers, the W should be capitalized as well if it's a proper title for them so: Far Walkers. However, since there are more than one group of far walkers (or so I'm assuming), it's probably best not to capitalize this anyway, as they aren't one-of-a-kind (unless of course as said, this is THE only group in existence).

The last thing I saw was the sentence mentioning Petrie with "The little flyer was convinced that Pterano..." etc, that one. That's kind of a sentence fragment there, because you don't actually mention what Petrie thinks, unless it's that the banishment COULD be changed, but as it's after a semi-colon, that indicates it's a somewhat but not completely related clause. So I'd consider rewording that by perhaps writing:  "The little flyer was convinced that Pterano, regardless of the fact that he had a hand in that little swimmer Ducky’s kidnapping, (not to mention that long-ago episode of leading half the herd into a deadly nest of fastbiters), could still have the reasons for his exile changed." or something like that. :)

Other than those three things, I'm rather impressed with this, and I like how it's not just a complete reiteration of events, because you're putting Pterano's take on things in there, and explaining his relationship with the rest of the far walkers. So overall, it definitely meets criteria for a prologue. :yes

Somehow I knew that Strut wouldn't be kept out of of this. XD He's someone I'm toying with bringing back in my story as well, as I like revisiting old characters. :yes

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Mr Wonk

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Dude that prologue was amazing. It kept us up to date of what happen before, after the movie. And compared to my frist chapter of my FanFiction this is so much better. I can't believe it's you're first FanFiction as well. Well done and keep it up! :DD


StrutEggStealer

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@Pterano: Wow thank you so much for the feedback^^ I really appreciate it.
meh, I always seem to have some trouble with getting my thoughts in narrations down, but I'm glad you pointed those things out to me. Hopefully it's a little better now :)

@Mr. Wonk: I'm glad you liked it^^ I was going for something that I reckoned happened close enough after Pterano's banishment, but long enough after that there was time for some settling down I guess :D
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Mr Wonk

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Well I wish I was more like you. You don't over analyzing everything. But you tell us a lot of info that we want to know. (Unlike me :lol:)


Blais_13

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Good job there!
To say something useful I realy liked this description:
Quote
Pterano snorted in mid-air, staring gloomily ahead into the dusky horizon as the Bright Circle lowered itself before her sister circle took over her nightly duties.
I always liked impersonations with celestial bodys :) .By the way isn't it should be like "the Bright Circle lowered herself before..."?Realy don't know,just asking.


I also liked the fact that you realy told the things like how Pterano realy think.For example,Rinkus was a pretty intriguing character,he told Sierra that they should wait till Pterano finds the stone,and betray him only after that,but Pterano don't know this,so he can see Rhinkus as a dumb one.


StrutEggStealer

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(Thanks for all the feedback thus far^^ much appreciated.)

=Part One
   Several miles back, in the Great Valley, little Petrie was having trouble falling asleep. No matter how much he tossed and turned in his large nest, amidst his many brothers and sisters, he could not slip into slumber. Something was nagging him in the back of his mind. Petrie finally sat up and sighed. “It no use, me never getting sleep, tonight.”

   Mama Flyer hopped closer to her little son. “Something the matter, Petrie?” She murmured softly.

   Petrie turned to his mother with a mournful look. “Me thinking, Mama. Me miss Uncle Pterano.”

   Mama Flyer stiffened. In the dark of the cave, Petrie would have missed it had the Night Circle not been shining like torchlight outside. He noticed her shiver and he sighed. “Me sorry Mama, me know Uncle Pterano did bad things, but he still my uncle and me still love him.”

   Mama Flyer bent and wrapped her little son in her wings. “I know, Petrie. I know.”

   “You think he come back soon?” Petrie’s squawky voice was slightly muffled. “That he be let back in when five cold times pass?”

   Mama Flyer paused and sighed. Knowing her brother, she would have answered in short: a blunt ëno’ and that would have been the end of it. But she was talking to her son, who idolized Pterano, despite his past. “I don’t know, Petrie. I hope so.” Truly, Mama Flyer did hope that her brother would be welcomed back to the Great Valley, preferably sooner than later. She, like Petrie, wasn’t too happy about the sentence of five cold times’ banishment, but she knew that was what Pterano had to do. He never took responsibility for his actions, never had, and probably never would. To Pterano, responsibility got in the way of things; one didn’t need responsibility to lead a group, he was convinced. Pterano paid for that mistake with whatever dignity and honor he had left, not to mention an undefined length of banishment, after what happened the first time.

   “Mama?” Petrie queried somewhere within the folds of Mama’s wings. “What you think Uncle Pterano doing now?”

   Mama Flyer grinned. “Oh, I don’t know, probably getting ready for sleep. If he’s still with the far walkers, he’s likely very tired from all the traveling they do.”

   “Me see,” Petrie sounded happy, and was that a yawn escaping his beak? “What he be doing tomorrow?”

   Mama Flyer carefully laid her little son back into the nest. “He’ll be doing more traveling. That’s what the far walkers do, dear. Travel all the time. He’s probably very tired at the end of each day.”

   “Me… me think so, too…” Petrie yawned again, his eyelids drooping until they were closed and his breathing leveled. Mama Flyer smiled gently and bent to give Petrie a little kiss.

~

   Sleep for Pterano didn't come that easily. Every noise he heard, every twig snap, or rustle below caused the flyer to jerk out of his wing folds and almost topple off the branch he was perched on. It seemed like there was more noise tonight, or maybe it was just because he didn’t fall asleep immediately.

   Just then, the flyer heard another noise, and this time it was the closest yet. Whipping out of his wings, Pterano balanced himself on the branch, glaring fearfully down into the darkness. His claws gripped the branch nervously as he croaked out in as brave a whisper as he could muster. “H-hello? Who’s there?"

   Nothing happened. Pterano, narrowing his eyes and tensing his shoulders in case of a take-off, tried again. “I know someone's down there! Sneaking around won't do you any good, so -!” Pterano's beak closed with a loud snap as he heard a new voice below.

   “N-no! Wait, see? Nothing wrong, here. I-I’m coming out. No cause for alarm.” There were more rustlings and then finally, a young dinosaur stepped out from behind a large fern. Pterano, threatening demeanor completely forgotten, gawked down at the youngster.

   It was a young Egg-Stealer, Pterano could tell that much, but he wasn’t sure why as the Night Circle didn’t really shed enough light through the trees for him to get a better look. Maybe it was something in the little one’s voice that gave away his species. Pale eyes glowing, the youngster peered intently up at the big flyer and piped up a cautious greeting. “’Allo, there. Name’s Taylen, what about yours?” The Egg-Stealer’s accent matched his own and for some reason, Pterano calmed down slightly because of that.

Pterano, in reply, spread his wings, causing Taylen to jump back in fear. The flyer quickly pulled his wings back in. “Everything’s fine, I’m not going to hurt you. I just can’t see you very well from up here.” Not waiting for the little one to respond, Pterano flapped nimbly to the ground. Taylen flinched slightly. “Hey, come on,” Pterano insisted, voice betraying some annoyance. “I told you I wasn’t going to hurt you and I meant it, so settle down.”

Taylen nodded quickly. “Uh, okay, right, sorry about that. So… who are you?”

“I'm Pterano,” the flyer cocked his crested head. “Now, what is someone your age doing all the way out here at this time of night? I’ve never seen you before in our group, so please explain yourself.” He straightened and folded his arms.

Taylen swallowed loudly. “Well, I’m-I’m trying to find someone, two someones, s’matter of fact. And I almost ran into a couple of sharpteeth earlier, so I ducked in here.”

“Is that so?” Pterano remarked. “Well, I suppose the next question on the agenda is who might you be looking for?”

“My brothers, Ozzy and Strut, who disappeared awhile back and I decided I’d go and look for ëem.”

Pterano raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “And where are your parents?”

Taylen paused. “Uhh… back with my herd. Why?”

“You mean to tell me that you’re out here all on your own?” The flyer was shocked.

Taylen shook his head. “No. You’re here, too, right?” The little dinosaur giggled nervously.

Pterano’s beak twitched in a minute grin. “True, clever that. But you really shouldn’t be out on your own like this. How old are you, anyway? You don’t look that old,”

“I’m not: I’ll be fourteen seasons by the end of next month,” Taylen sounded so proud. Pterano started, wings dropping to his sides in total astonishment. Taylen insisted. “I-I’m stronger’n I look, honest.” He thrust a forearm out and tried to flex. “See?”

Pterano could most certainly see, see that this youngster was out of his mind. “Look, um, Taylen. It’s dangerous out here. You need to get back to your family.” He bent so he and the Egg-Stealer were eye level, which was a little lower than what Pterano was accustomed. The flyer could practically taste the disappointment in the youngster’s voice.

“But, but, what about my brothers? I’m really worried ëbout them. They’ve been missing for so long.”

“I’m sure they’re fine, lad,” Pterano said reassuringly through a yawn. “They can probably fend for them – wait, are we talking younger or older brothers?”

“Older by at least two cold times.”

“Of course.” Pterano sighed. “Taylen, I am certain your brothers’ll be just grand. They can probably take care of themselves, so –”

“But that’s just it!” Taylen persisted, insistant. “Mum and Dad sent them out to scout for another home, but they haven’t come back! We all went out searching, and I snuck out to look for them, myself.”

Pterano sighed again. “You should have had one of your parents come with you, at least.” He chided. “A pint-sized Egg-Stealer like you’d be swallowed by a sharptooth in an instant.”

Taylen shrugged. “Mum and Dad gave up way back, but I haven’t. And I haven’t been eaten yet,”

Pterano frowned and shook his head. “The keyword there is ëyet’. You’re way out of your league here, so allow me to point you back in the direction you came from.”

“But wait!” Taylen pleaded. “Please, sir, can’t you help me?”

Pterano nearly choked on his own tongue. “What?” He gasped. Taylen prodded. “Please?”

“Well, uhh…” Perfect time to be tongue-tied, Pterano thought, annoyed. He folded his arms again. “You can't be serious?”

“I am, sir!” the little dinosaur piped up happily. “I made a promise not to stop until I found my brothers, and I intend to keep it.”

Well, this was a fine mess. Pterano narrowed his eyes, obviously put-out. “I, I…” he grumbled. “Well, I guess I can lend a helping wing. Got nothing else to do at the moment.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” Taylen jumped up and down excitedly. Pterano shushed him. “Settle down, will you? Don’t want to wake up every sharptooth in this vicinity now, do we?”

Taylen settled, shaking his head, large eyes still glowing. Pterano shivered. “Well, let’s be on the move, then.” He spread his wings, flying low so that he didn’t lose sight of the youngster, and Taylen didn’t lose sight of him. “Do you know where your brothers were last seen?”

“Yeah! Dad sent ëem to check out the Great Valley!”

Pterano spluttered in surprise. “What? Oh no, oh no. This isn’t going to work Taylen, sorry.” He wheeled around to speed back to the grove when Taylen grabbed his foot. “Why not?” Taylen insisted, tugging the flyer back to earth. He's strong for all his size; I’ll give him that, Pterano thought as he pulled back. Aloud, he ordered, “Will you let go! Listen, lad, I’ve been banished, exiled, kicked out of the Great Valley!”

Taylen let go, eyes wide. “How come?”

“Past mistakes,” Pterano mumbled coldly, hovering. “But, technically, I’m not allowed to set foot or wing,” he flapped his wings for emphasis, “until five cold times have passed by. Now, let’s see: I have at least that amount of time left, so this obviously puts a damper on our plans. Terribly sorry I have to fly off, but you know, ëbanished’.” He made as if to retreat when Taylen gave a powerful leap and jumped on his back. “What are you doing? Are you cr–?”

“Yes, I’m crazy!” Taylen cried. “But you said that you’d help me!”

“Banishment takes priority here,” Pterano replied hotly. “Now, let go!”

“No! Not until you promise to help! Please, sir!” The desperate tone in the little one's voice softened the flyer's resolve. Oh, of all the times to be a push-over. Pterano sighed and slowly landed, realizing that it would be useless to continue this struggle as he would most likely throw the little lad and seriously hurt him.

The flyer grumbled, hemmed and hawed, and then finally whispered back. “All right, fine! I promise, but you have to stop yelling,” he bent to his knees, allowing Taylen to dismount. “And never catch onto me like that again. If I had been up in the air, I’d have crashed, putting us both out of commission.” Despite the scolding tone, Pterano straightened and spread his wings.

“Now,” Pterano flapped into the air. “I’ll try to get you as close to the Valley as I can, but I can’t actually get you in. D’you think you can travel by night?”

Taylen shrugged. “I’ve tried to be on the road by day, but I can make an effort.”

Pterano smiled a small grin. “Grand, then let’s be off,”

==

woohoo for perky OC's with British accents!! XD
and aww, Pterano doesn't sound too happy about helping out this feisty little dino. I guess he doesn't appreciate the fact that he likes kids and is willing to change... ah well
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Mr Wonk

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Poor Petrie. This chapter really made me sad.  :cry  But the story getting even better know. Keep it up! :DD


Pterano

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Yeah I agree, Petrie was really cute in this chapter. ^^ Certainly a nice juxtaposition here, where you see Petrie pining for his uncle's return and Pterano still struggling with what's gone on. I take it the youngster is uh... Strut and Ozzy's brother? :)

I didn't see anything serious that needed fixing, though you could arguably use "my uncle" for Petrie as he DOES say "my" several times in the seventh film, though he also uses "I" which is inconsistent with his manner of speaking, so not sure the seventh film is ultimately the best to cite for that. :p

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StrutEggStealer

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Woo, sorry I left ya hanging...

=Part Two  

The next day...

After flying throughout the night, Pterano was tired and Taylen wasn’t much better. The little Egg-Stealer’s gait became slower each step and his pale eyes looked a little duller, but he plodded on, nonetheless. Pterano had to admire the young one’s persistence. He hadn’t said a word of complaint since they started this adventure, just merely voiced questions or concerns like: why were you banished? The flyer frowned. That explanation alone had lasted half the night.

“Sir?” Taylen spoke up hesitantly.

Pterano looked down at his companion. “Yes?”

“Um, how long until we stop?” Taylen turned a rather desperate eye towards the flyer, indicating he wanted to stop that instant, but was too timid to say it.

Pterano sighed. “We can… stop now, I suppose,” he suggested, figuring it best for the both of them. He banked sharply and dropped to the ground to take note of their surroundings. They had made some progress traveling through the dry plains. Pterano recognized the green haze in the distance symbolizing the grasslands the far walkers had traveled through the day previous. They would be back at the Valley before too long, maybe another day of solid travel, provided he or Taylen could take the lack of sleep much longer.

But there was a problem. Their resting place was completely exposed. There was no cover around for at least another two miles. Pterano nervously sucked in his breath as he tried not to think of the predators that roamed these parts. He hadn't seen any so far with the far walkers, but a giant band of dinosaurs was quite different than an aging flyer and a pint-sized Egg-Stealer on their own. He turned to look at his little companion.

But Taylen had obviously not taken any note of their present situation as he had simply curled himself up into a tight little ball at the flyer's feet and seemed to have fallen asleep on the spot. Pterano sighed and reluctantly bent to wake the youngster. “Ahem, Taylen?” He whispered gently, poking the little dinosaur's dappled brown back.

Taylen stirred and mumbled something. Pterano tried again, giving him a slight push. Taylen's pale yellow eyes opened with some effort. “Wha isit?” He murmured. “I thought you said we could stop,” the dinosaur sounded upset.

Pterano hastily defended himself. “We, we can, but not here. See?” he waved a talon at their surroundings. “We're completely unsafe right now. A fast biter could come right along now and decide to have a bit of breakfast while we'd be snoozing away.” He tried to keep his voice level, but the panic was all too real.

Taylen frowned, disappointed. “But I'm so tired,” he protested softly. Pterano was tired too, but since age and experience were on his side, flying straight through the night didn't bother him as much. His system could adapt rather quickly; however, in Taylen's case, the youngster was still in the stages of maturing and he would most likely need several breaks from time to time to rest and refuel.

Pterano frowned. They wouldn't make any progress with continued pit stops. Realizing what that meant he had to do, the flyer sighed and asked. “Taylen? How heavy are you?”

The Egg-Stealer jerked to a stop after getting to his shaky feet and flashed the big flyer a doubtful frown. “Um, I dunno, not very heavy I think.”

“Can you give me an estimate?”

Taylen's snout scrunched up with confusion. “Wha's that mean?”

Pterano rolled his eyes. “An estimate; tell me something that's about as heavy as you are!” He didn't mean to sound so impatient, but it was vital that they got to cover and fast and since Taylen was just about drained – the poor lad could barely stand straight – Pterano knew he was going to have to carry him.

Taylen got the gist and focused his tired mind on the flyer's query. “Um, well, I'd say I'm much lighter than...” he looked around. “That rock there,” he pointed. A massive boulder met Pterano's eyes.

The flyer sighed. Of course you are, he thought grumpily. But shaking his head he bent in front of the little Egg-Stealer and gestured that he mount. Taylen stepped back, a little surprised. “You-you're gonna carry me?” He breathed.

Pterano frowned. “Well, what's wrong? Didn't you jump on my back last night as I was about to fly off? What are you scared of? Hop on!”

Taylen ducked his head meekly and gave a nimble leap to settle on Pterano's back. The flyer grunted as he spread his wings and flapped into the air. Taylen was about as heavy as a nest full of eggs – really, the flyer was surprised at how light he was. The Egg-Stealer yelped as he saw them rise up off the ground and quickly wrapped both of his scrawny arms around the flyer's neck.

“G-great nest-egg!” He croaked. “We-we're, up! In the sky!” He risked a glance downwards and yelped again, seizing an even tighter hold around Pterano's collar and planting his feet against the flyer's back.

Pterano let out a rather strangled cry of protest as he positioned his wings so the two were leveled out horizontally in the air. He shook his head, trying to loose the panicked little dinosaur's arms from his neck but Taylen only held on tighter. “Erk!” Pterano gasped, bucking his head. “Taylen! You're choking me! Just grab my shoulders, you're fine!”

Taylen slowly released his death-grip on the flyer's neck and then clamped his claws around the flyer's scapulars, cringing with terror. Pterano softened up a bit, realizing just how scared the youngster was. “Hey,” he called back. “Taylen, look below!” The Egg-Stealer peeked with one eye over the tip of Pterano's wing. “See that green in the distance? Those are grasslands. We're almost out of the dry plains, lad!” The flyer called back cheerfully. Taylen relaxed then,looking down at the baked yellows and browns of the dry plains, broken up here and there with dead vegetation, and then up ahead the cool, green sliver of the incoming grasslands.

More at ease now, Taylen got to enjoy the ride and remembered that he was in fact dead tired. He snuggled against the flyer's shoulder blades and feel asleep. Pterano, sensing this, steadied his wingbeats down to a gentle rustle and flew on, a small tender grin playing across his beak.
=

A'www^^ Taylen's all cuddled against Pterano. I'm guessing that Pterano doesn't mind, much, despite the yelling he did before  Pterano, why you bein' such a jerk?
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Mr Wonk

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Quote
Pterano, in reply, spread his wings, causing Taylen to jump back in fear. The flyer quickly pulled his wings back in. “Everything’s fine, I’m not going to hurt you. I just can’t see you very well from up here.” Not waiting for the little one to respond, Pterano flapped nimbly to the ground. Taylen flinched slightly.

Taylen so cute! And Pterano so funny as well. :lol It feels really real. I really like this story. Anyway keep it up and :goodluck

I can't believe Taylen bothers are Ozzy and Strut. You really did drop a bomb on me. :wow

(I need to upload my fanfiction sometime soon as well)


StrutEggStealer

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Part Three

Coasting to a gentle stop in the grasslands, Pterano was reassured to see the small forest outcropping he remembered passing by the day before. Keeping mindful of Taylen still sound asleep on his back, the flyer bent low to the ground and gently slid the youngster down his wing to the soft, grassy ground: an elegant movement, and quite effective as well. Taylen remained asleep.

Smiling down at the little slumbering Egg-Stealer, Pterano settled himself against a tree trunk. Not to sleep, even though he was starting to feel the effects of staying up all night, but to keep watch. He would sleep later, maybe when Taylen was more, well, awake himself and alert and could keep watch while he slept.

The flyer folded his talons over his stomach and sighed peacefully. Right now, there was nothing to be worried about: a warm breeze circled lazily in the air, catching the tall grass in its embrace. The sky above was gray and gloomy, but quiet. The flyer’s smile disappeared as he leaned back. Nothing to worry about, indeed! What was he going to do?

Well, I can’t leave the lad alone, he argued. He’s just a child for heaven’s sake. But I can’t exactly go back to the Great Valley, either. I’ll be throttled and exiled for good if I’m caught! Pterano fumed with frustration. What to do, what to do…?

Well, I can’t worry about that now; just have to focus on getting Taylen there in one piece. Maybe we’ll get lucky – maybe his brothers’ll be nowhere near the valley, thus saving us time and my hide! The thought didn’t do much to cheer him, but it was a start. He allowed his attention to be momentarily distracted by a few buzzing stingers that hummed by, oblivious to the big flyer. Pterano relaxed then. It was so picturesque here he saw no reason to cloud his mind with worries. Best not to think about the valley issue until they arrived there. He was still hoping they would complete this journey before reaching the Great Walls.
=

uhh-ohh, someone's having second thoughts.
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Pterano

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Quote from: StrutEggStealer,Jun 5 2012 on  02:08 PM
It was a young Egg-Stealer, Pterano could tell that much, but he wasn’t sure why as the Night Circle didn’t really shed enough light through the trees for him to get a better look. Maybe it was something in the little one’s voice that gave away his species. Pale eyes glowing, the youngster peered intently up at the big flyer and piped up a cautious greeting. “’Allo, there. Name’s Taylen, what about yours?” The Egg-Stealer’s accent matched his own and for some reason, Pterano calmed down slightly because of that.

   Pterano, in reply, spread his wings, causing Taylen to jump back in fear. The flyer quickly pulled his wings back in. “Everything’s fine, I’m not going to hurt you. I just can’t see you very well from up here.” Not waiting for the little one to respond, Pterano flapped nimbly to the ground. Taylen flinched slightly.

   “Hey, come on,” Pterano insisted, voice betraying some annoyance. “I told you I wasn’t going to hurt you and I meant it, so settle down.”

   Taylen nodded quickly. “Uh, okay, right, sorry about that. So… who are you?”

   “I'm Pterano,” the flyer cocked his crested head. “What is someone about your age doing all the way out here at this time of night? I’ve never seen you before in our group, so please explain yourself.” He straightened, folded his arms. Taylen swallowed loudly. “Well, I’m-I’m trying to find someone, two someones, s’matter of fact. And I almost ran into a couple of sharpteeth earlier, so I ducked in here.”

   “Is that so?” Pterano remarked. “Well, I suppose the next question on the agenda is who might you be looking for?”

   “My brothers, Ozzy and Strut, who disappeared awhile back and I decided I’d go and look for ëem.”

   Pterano raised an eye ridge suspiciously. “And where are your parents?”

   Taylen paused. “Uhh… back with my herd. Why?”

   “You mean to tell me that you’re out here all on your own?” The flyer was shocked. Taylen shook his head. “No. You’re here, too, right?” The little dinosaur giggled nervously. Pterano’s beak twitched in a minute grin. “True, clever that. But you really shouldn’t be out on your own like this. How old are you, anyway? You don’t look that old,”

   “I’m not: I’ll be fourteen seasons by the end of next month,” Taylen sounded so proud. Pterano started, wings dropping to his sides in total astonishment. Taylen insisted. “I-I’m stronger’n I look, honest.” He thrust a forearm out and tried to flex. “See?”

   Pterano could most certainly see, see that this youngster was out of his mind. “Look, um, Taylen. It’s dangerous out here. You need to get back to your family.” He bent so he and the Egg-Stealer were eye level, which was a little lower than what Pterano was accustomed. The flyer could practically taste the disappointment in the youngster’s voice. “But, but, what about my brothers? I’m really worried ëbout them. They’ve been missing for so long.”

   “I’m sure they’re fine, lad,” Pterano said reassuringly through a yawn. “They can probably fend for them – wait, are we talking younger or older brothers?”

   “Older by at least two cold times.”

   “Of course.” Pterano sighed. “Taylen, I am certain your brothers’ll be just grand. They can probably take care of themselves, so –”

   “But that’s just it!” Taylen persisted, slightly panicked. “Mum and Dad sent them out to scout for another home, but they haven’t come back! We all went out searching, and I snuck out to look for them, myself.”

   Pterano sighed again. “You should have had one of your parents come with you, at least.” He chided. “A pint-sized Egg-Stealer like you’d be swallowed by a sharptooth in an instant.”

   Taylen shrugged. “Mum and Dad gave up way back, but I haven’t. And I haven’t been eaten yet,”

   Pterano frowned, shook his head. “The keyword there is ëyet’. You’re way out of your league here, so allow me to point you back in the direction you came from.”

   “But wait!” Taylen pleaded. “Please, sir, can’t you help me?”

   Pterano nearly choked on his own tongue. “What?” He gasped. Taylen prodded. “Please?”

   “Well, uhh…” Perfect time to be tongue-tied, Pterano thought, annoyed. He folded his arms again. “You can't be serious?”

   “I am, sir!” the little dinosaur piped up happily. “I made a promise not to stop until I found my brothers, and I intend to keep it.”

   Well, this was a fine mess. Pterano narrowed his eyes, obviously put-out. “I, I…” he grumbled. “Well, I guess I can lend a helping wing. Got nothing else to do at the moment,”

   “Oh, thank you so much!” Taylen jumped up and down excitedly. Pterano shushed him. “Settle down, will you? Don’t want to wake up every sharptooth in this vicinity now, do we?”

   Taylen settled, shaking his head, large eyes still glowing. Pterano shivered. “Well, let’s be on the move, then.” He spread his wings, flying low so that he didn’t lose sight of the youngster, and Taylen didn’t lose sight of him. “Do you know where your brothers were last seen?”

   “Yeah! Dad sent ëem to check out the Great Valley!”

   Pterano spluttered in surprise. “What? Oh no, oh no. This isn’t going to work Taylen, sorry.” He wheeled around to speed back to the grove when Taylen grabbed his foot. “Why not?” Taylen insisted, tugging the flyer back to earth. He's strong for all his size; I’ll give him that, Pterano thought as he pulled back. Aloud, he ordered, “Will you let go! Listen, lad, I’ve been banished, exiled, kicked out of the Great Valley!”

   Taylen let go, eyes wide. “How come?”

   “Past mistakes,” Pterano mumbled coldly, hovering. “But, technically, I’m not allowed to set foot or wing,” he flapped his wings for emphasis, “until five cold times have passed by. Now, let’s see: I have at least that amount of time left, so this obviously puts a damper on our plans. Terribly sorry I have to fly off, but you know, ëbanished’.” He made as if to retreat when Taylen gave a powerful leap and jumped on his back. “What are you doing? Are you cr–?”

   “Yes, I’m crazy!” Taylen cried. “But you said that you’d help me!”

   “Banishment takes priority here,” Pterano replied hotly. “Now, let go!”

   “No! Not until you promise to help! Please, sir!” The desperate tone in the little one's voice softened the flyer's resolve. Oh, of all the times to be a push-over. Pterano sighed and slowly landed, realizing that it would be useless to continue this struggle as he would most likely throw the little lad and seriously hurt him.

   The flyer grumbled, hemmed and hawed, and then finally whispered back. “All right, fine! I promise, but you have to stop yelling,” he bent to his knees, allowing Taylen to dismount. “And never catch onto me like that again. If I had been up in the air, I’d have crashed, putting us both out of commission.” Despite the scolding tone, Pterano straightened and spread his wings.

   “Now,” Pterano flapped into the air. “I’ll try to get you as close to the Valley as I can, but I can’t actually get you in. D’you think you can travel by night?”

   Taylen shrugged. “I’ve tried to be on the road by day, but I can make an effort.”

   Pterano smiled a small grin. “Grand, then let’s be off,”
=

woohoo for perky OC's with British accents!! XD
and aww, Pterano doesn't sound too happy about helping out this feisty little dino :x I guess he doesn't appreciate the fact that he likes kids and is willing to change... ah well
All right, a big thing I noticed in this chapter is to watch your paragraphs! A new speaker means a new paragraph. You have Taylen and Pterano speaking in the same paragraph, so I'd break those up. :)

Something else I saw, is that you used "ridge" several times to indicate Pterano's brows, when a brow, by definition, is someone's forehead, and not the hair that rests on the brow. ;) So I'd say brow is perfectly suitable to use here instead of ridge as ridge just sounds well... too descriptive for a brow. :)

"What is someone about your age doing this time of night?" You can drop the "about" in that sentence, as it's an adverb that's not necessary. "What is someone your age" is less wordy and works better. :yes

"He straightened, folded his arms." is a sentence fragment. I'd put an "and" after the straightened and drop the comma. :) Same with: "Pterano frowned, shook his head." Should add an "and" and drop the comma.

When Pterano offers to help and says he has nothing else to do at the moment, a period should end that sentence, as commas can't. :)

So I really liked this chapter, now that all the grammar corrections are out of the way. :smile I love how you avoid repetitious words when describing Pterano's actions, such as "hemmed and hawed." Excellent. :DD The description was good as well, and it was very easy for me to picture all this, from the glowing eyes of Taylen down to Pterano being grabbed. XD I see you're forcing the old flyer to start heading back in the direction of the Great Valley, and I suspect that's going to lead to him running into Petrie and the gang, even if he has no intention of doing so. XD Looking forward to that! Possibly seeing Ozzy and Strut as well. :DD

Good work!

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StrutEggStealer

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Thanks for the feedback^^ hehe English is not my strong language, even tho it's my first :lol

Regarding the setences without the 'and' I kinda picked that up from reading novels with the same type of grammar structure - I noticed they just added a comma and then continued on with the rest of the sentence. I thought that was an intersting idea and tried it out myself. Idk why, to me they made the sentence sound less wordy, but I guess they must sound confusing as well  :lol:

Hehe, that's kind of my intention, but I'm not sure how to swing it, since Pterano will most likely be avoiding the Great Valley like the plague. Oh yeah, I can't wait for Strut and Ozzy either. It would be pretty awkward if they met up with the gang as well. I sense... some MAJOR apologizing XD And I'm guessing Littlefoot won't be as forgiving as he normally is...
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Mama's Girl

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Hey, thought I'd give your story a read and I must say I'm quickly getting drawn in :)

I won't go into grammar, as it's been pointed out, and I'm no expert in that area anyway. Anything I'm noticing is just formatting and mainly in the prologue, anyway.

Plot wise, your story holds up very well and has both interesting and down right endearing scenes, like little Petrie in Ch 1 :)

And of course Taylen is just both precious and sounds like a bit of trouble as well ;) in that "doesn't mean to be" kinda way.

Looking good so far.


StrutEggStealer

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Glad it's interesting thus far^^ I appreciate the view, thanks
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Mr Wonk

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Everytime I read this chapter I think of the song 'He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother' by The Hollies. :lol (You could some how use it as a title by changing the bother part) Just a ideal...

Anyway the story really good. I love the part...

Quote
“G-great nest-egg!” He croaked. “We-we're, up! In the sky!” He risked a glance downwards and yelped again, seizing an even tighter hold around Pterano's collar and planting his feet against the flyer's back.

Quote
Pterano let out a rather strangled cry of protest as he positioned his wings so the two were leveled out horizontally in the air. He shook his head, trying to loose the panicked little dinosaur's arms from his neck but Taylen only held on tighter. “Erk!” Pterano gasped, bucking his head. “Taylen! You're choking me! Just grab my shoulders, you're fine!”

Keep it up and :goodluck :DD


StrutEggStealer

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@Mr. Wonk: Heh, interesting. I'm giving the song a listen to, and it kinda fits^^
Lol that part was a lot of fun to write. Since I'm afraid of heights myself, I pictured myself in Taylen's place (riding Pterano *swoon*) screaming my head off, and probably choking him, too  :lol

=Part Four  

   Just a quick shout out to all those who've read this/reviewed this: thanks and I really appreciate your time spent on reading this and thinking my fanfic was worth the time
~Strut

Taylen slept like a literal rock – he didn’t even snore. Pterano thought sympathetically, Poor lad, he’s obviously not used to all this traveling. I’ll probably end up carrying him most of the way. With a sigh, the flyer shook his head in order to stay awake. He was feeling quite tempted to just close his eyes for a few moments, but he couldn’t allow himself to do that. A few moments could easily become a few hours and they would end up losing valuable daylight as a means of further travel.

But Pterano really didn’t know what else to do as he waited for Taylen to wake up, which, judging by the slow, peaceful rising and falling of the little one’s ribs as he breathed, and that complacent smile on his snout, would not be anytime soon.

Best to let the lad sleep a little longer, the flyer eventually decided. He was starting to get rather jittery from staying in the same place for so long just to watch a little dinosaur snooze. Pterano stood up, anxious for something else to do, and flexed his talons and wings. He noted with some chagrin that his shoulders were particularly achy from last night. Humph, he objected. I don’t care what they think – I’m still in my prime! Certainly not that old!

The flyer spread his wings and let them catch the wind. The membrane rustled in the breeze, whipping out behind the flyer as he faced the breath of air. Shutting his eyes, Pterano drew in his feet and was simply carried up by the draft; his wings acting as an anchor to hold him steady. Once he felt he was of considerable height, the flyer leveled out in a soar. Only then did he open his eyes. He had anticipated the mount perfectly, he realized with a self-satisfied smirk as he looked downwards.

He angled the slope of his wings to forty-five degrees as he spun in barrel rolls through the air. The flying conditions in this area were perfect. Pterano let out a euphoric whoop as he swooped upwards, towards the gray sky, wings outstretched to their full length. His eyes rolled back as he inhaled deeply, nearly drunk with the sensation of flight. At the pinnacle of his ascent, Pterano swung himself upside down and rocketed towards the ground, banking at the last possible moment. He grinned smugly as his talons caught the ground, braking precisely so. He had performed that trick hundreds – if not thousands – of times and the right moments to soar and stop had become rather instinctive to him so he really didn’t need to keep his eyes open at all. Pterano may have been a liar, a schemer, and an irresponsible freeloader, but there was no denying the fact that he was quite a magnificent flyer, and he knew it himself.

A gasp of amazement caused his crested head to snap in the direction of Taylen, still a little droopy eyed, half-sitting and half-lying on the ground, elbows propping himself. He must have just woken up.

“That… that was amazing, sir,” the little one stood, not as wobbly as before and hopped up to the big flyer who suddenly felt quite bashful as he turned his head away slightly, without much idea why.

Taylen continued. “I-I’m serious, that was… emphatic!” He seemed quite proud of himself for using this bold and descriptive word. Pterano could feel a small blush starting as he chuckled.

Oh, come off it! He snapped to himself. What’s the matter with you? You’ve done this plenty of times with an audience, correct? Get a grip, Pterano! Inwardly, the flyer cringed at that phrase, almost expecting a pair of talons to clasp onto his wrists and drag him along through the air.

“Well, um…” he stammered, trying to find the right words. “My thanks, lad. I’m… glad you enjoyed it.” He ruffled his wings and then folded his arms, attention now fully directed on the little one. “Did you sleep well?”

Taylen yawned and stretched in reply. Pterano grinned wryly.

“I’ll take that as a ëyes’, then,” he murmured. “On a different subject, are you hungry?”

The little Egg-Stealer paused and frowned. “Uh, yeah, I guess so.” He shrugged. “Haven't really thought about food, but now that you mention it...” he looked around. “Is... is there anything to eat?”

“I suppose we'd better go and find out,” Pterano suggested quietly. Taylen perked up and nodded, sleepiness obviously forgotten as his face brightened with a delighted smile.

“Okay!” He assented.

Pterano rolled his eyes. Taylen's energy level continued to amaze him. One minute the youngster could be just about dead with fatigue and the next he could be bouncing about like an overexcited hopper. He motioned with a claw towards the small grove. “Let's check back there. I'm assuming you eat green food?”

Taylen bobbed his head. “Yeah! I do, but my brother Ozzy doesn't approve of that. He thinks we should only eat eggs!” His face fell. “But I don't want to eat eggs all the time; neither does Strut. We both like water greens, tree fuzz and ground stars, but most of all sweet bubbles!” he looked around expectantly. “D'you think there are any sweet bubbles around here?”

Pterano found himself once more at a loss for words as he listened to this statement. He snapped out of his momentary lapse in thought with a shake of his head. He was going to have to be quicker mentally to keep up with Taylen's... verbosity. He looked back towards the grove.

“We could... check, I suppose.” He glanced upwards and frowned. The sky puffies seemed rather dark. “But we shouldn't dawdle,” he continued rather crisply. “It looks like sky water, and I don't fly well when it's wet.”

“You could walk,” Taylen's unfailing cheerfulness earned him a weak grin from the flyer.

“Yes...” Pterano admitted. “I... could,” he sighed, smiling. Taylen was growing rather fast on him. “Let's find you something to eat, then.”

“What about you?” Taylen queried, cocking his head curiously to the side. Pterano opened his beak to reply, but made no noise other than a hesitant “um” sound.

The flyer shook his head. “I'm... not that hungry.”

Taylen stopped then and fixed Pterano with such an intense, searching frown the crested flyer jerked to an immediate halt in his stride, looking back at those disturbingly pale yellow eyes. He shivered slightly.

The Egg-Stealer shook his head slowly. “Pardon me, sir, but that's a load of rubbish. You haven't had anything to eat yet all day. You may be bigger and older than me, but you still need to eat.” The sight was adorably comical: Taylen tapped one foot against the grassy ground while his twiggy claws were planted firmly on his hips, the absolute picture of authority. Pterano hid a humorous snicker at his would-be scolder.

Taylen relaxed enough to nod his head towards the grove. “Now, how about we both find something to eat and then be off, 'kay?”

After you, lad, Pterano thought, stepping aside to let Taylen go first. He followed after the little dinosaur into the darker grove. Taylen chirped excitedly as he found some tree fuzz resting inconspicuously on the trunk of a rather bent and rotting tree. Pterano grimaced, not much one for consuming lichen, and instead turned to look for food that resembled something edible. He was rewarded by a sad-looking sapling tree further back full of rich, green tree stars. He grinned as he flapped up, plucking a few choice leaves from the branches before retreating back to the ground to enjoy his meal.

Taylen, tree fuzz bits sticking to the edge of his snout and around the corners of his mouth, spoke up hesitantly. “So... how long until we reach the Great Valley?”

The question hit Pterano like a punch in the gut. He swallowed his mouthful carefully before he could choke and replied, “Well, the far walkers and I were a good four days' worth of travel away, but thanks to our little night flight,” he chuckled humorlessly. “I'd say we have a couple days left to go before we reach the walls...” he drifted off, popping another tree star into his beak before Taylen could ask another question. But the Egg-Stealer persisted.

“Do you think we'll get there soon?”

Pterano answered quickly through his mouthful, “Perhaps, perhaps, depends on how much ground we cover, but I'm certain,” here he paused to swallow. “That we'll make substantial progress before the next few days are out. Just got to keep moving.”

Taylen left it at that, pretending not the notice how agitated the flyer had become at his simple inquiry. Based on what Pterano had told him last night about his banishment due to that long ago fatalistic mistake in leadership, and then nearly getting his nephew and his friends killed by going after a rumored Stone of Cold Fire, Taylen could well surmise that the flyer was considered to be a bit of an outlaw in the valley and was certainly not at all comfortable with the idea of going back before his sentence was up. But the Egg-Stealer was still glad Pterano had made this sacrifice in order to keep him safe. He made a little vow then and there to keep an eye out for Pterano as well, and not let the old flyer get in trouble with the valley's elders for breaking their rules.

=

Heh, this chapter was fun to write. We're making progress, steadily, steadily...
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein


Mr Wonk

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I don't think he having second thoughts. I would say having butterflies in his stomach. :DD Anyway I have a feeling that he will get caught out. And Mr Threehorn won't like him being in the valley at all. :lol


StrutEggStealer

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Ee-hehe  :lol I keep going back to that idea, if he gets caught... idk he will though, he's pretty sneaky ;)
I have a picture up on dA of Pterano and Topps having an Epic Stare-Down. Their relationship always makes me lol, especially after reading Past that Yawns Behind, Topps ends up apologizing at the end^^ Classic!
"Not all who wander are lost"
J. R. R. Tolkein