The Gang of Five
Beyond the Mysterious Beyond => The Arts => Silver Screen => Topic started by: Spartanguy88 on June 19, 2008, 04:28:15 PM
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I'll kick things off... I loved doing this on the Camp Lazlo forum I'm also in.
[Red vs Blue: Reconstruction]
Washington: Come in Command.
Command: Hello Washington. We have you. How was the investigation at Blue Base?
Washington: Enlightening. Going to try the red base now, I'm hoping things there will be a little more...
*A card board cutout of Donut appears*
Washington: ...normal.
Sarge's Voice: Halt, in the name of the red- *clears throat* I mean "Lightish Red army. This base is operating at full capacity. And if you come in here, you're gonna get in to a big- uh slap-fight!"
Washington: *Sighs* I'm gonna have to call you back.
Sarge: Don't come any further, ooh la la.
*As Washington continues approaching, a maroon popup of Simmons springs out from behind a rock*
Sarge's Voice: This is your last warning, stay out! I love mass!
Washington: What in the...
Sarge's Voice: Your only hope of survival is to suck up to my commander!
*Washington continues on and an orange popup of Grif seems to appear from out of nowhere*
Sarge's Voice: And this is another warning: I know the other warning was supposed to be last, but I never listen to orders, 'cause I'm too lazy and stupid! And ugly. Did I mention ugly?
Washington: This is gonna be a waste of time, I can tell already.
*Sarge pops up in front of Washington*
Sarge: Yeah, freeze intruder! Stop yer intrudin' right there.
Washington: Who made these things?
Sarge: I did.
Washington: Wait, you're real?
Sarge: Of course I am. You fell for a classic misdirection. I still got it. Heh heh.
Lopez: øEsta todo bien aqu“?
Caption Everything OK out here?
Sarge: We're fine, Lopez. Just caught myself a dirty Blue. How many does that make this week?
Lopez: Uno.
Sarge: Yahtzee. We're on a hot streak!
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Not quite a quote, but still,
Richard Kiels T-shirt in "Happy Gilmore" it reads:
"Guns don't kill people, I kill people!"
:lol :lol:
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Titan AE:
Stith: Hmm. An intelligent guard. Didn't see that coming...
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"They say the best weapon is one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only need to fire once." -Tony Stark from Iron Man
Organize a press conference. I want a press conference and I want an American Cheeseburger. Hogan, drive. Cheeseburger first. -Also tony Stark from Iron Man.
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Honey, where's my supersuit? -Frozone from The Incredibles.
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All three of you are in so much **** it's almost unbeleivable.
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[Supreme Surrender]
Blue Robot: So who is going to accept this surrender first? Our team right?
Red Robot: Absolutely not. Your team? Why you first?
Blue Robot: Clearly they were intimidated by our superiour technology. That's why they were so quick to surrender.
Red Robot: Please; Our spider tanks are the most advanced weapon in the universe.
Blue Robot: Yeah right, really innovative... "Hey guys, you know what's awsome? Guns right? And spiders too. Hey, what if we put guns on spiders?"
Red Robot: It worked in our last battle.
Blue Robot: Yeah well, spiders just scare me.
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The reason this was funny is because it was unexpected and I skipped back in the dvd to make sure I heard it correctly. :P:
From Watership Down (1978 film):
Hazel: Well its hurt and I think we ought to help it.
Bigwig: A bird? What for?
Hazel: (moving towards the gull) We help you.
Keehar: Piss off!!! What for help me?
:wow :wow
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From Red Vs Blue.
Tucker: :: groans in pain ::
Church: Man, he sounds terrible.
Caboose: Yeah, he's been like that since the swamp.
Church: Swamp? You guys were in a swamp?
Caboose: Yeah. It was dark and swampy. I wasn't scared at all!
Church: Is that why you guys came home so fast?
Caboose: No...we came home because the alien died...and because the glowing sword turned out to be a glowing key.
Church: Yeah, a glowing key that can still stab people.
Caboose: Right.
Church: So it is a sword. It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.
Caboose: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people...it unlocks their death.
Church: Goddamn man! I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.
Caboose: Yeah. I have a really good time.
Church: ::laughs:: Yeah, it seems like it! You know, I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.
Tucker: :: groans in pain ::
Church: Hey Tucker, you okay?
Tucker: :: groans in pain :: Why don't you guys come in here?
Church: Uh, because it might be contagious...and because we gotta think of the health of the unit as a whole. I came up with that pretty fast.
Caboose: Maybe because you threw up ten minutes ago! And that's just gross!
Church: Hey, what a second! You don't think that sword...
Caboose: You mean the key?
Church: No I mean the sword. You don't suppose that sword is making him sick, do you?
Caboose: I don't see how. He didn't sneeze once.
Church: We don't know anything about it, though. Maybe it runs on radiation and it's poisoning...
Caboose: Or..maybe it runs on solar power!
Church: Wait now, why would solar power make him sick?
Caboose: Is he Republican?
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Tigress: [after Tigress lectures Po and he makes a weird facial expression] That's it! [about to punch him]
Mantis: Wait, wait! My fault! I accidently tweaked his facial nerves! [Po falls over with his back full of needles] ...And I may have also stopped his heart.
Kung Fu Panda. Best.Scene. Ever!
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[Tommy Boy]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0zoFKDp3v4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0zoFKDp3v4)
It's hard to describe it with words. :lol
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Talladega Nights:The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Best quote ever:"In the words of the great Colonel Sanders, 'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken!'".
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Topgun
In the immortal words of Maverick "Sorry Goose but it's time to buzz the tower.'
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[Star Wars: A New Hope]
Han Solo: It's not wise to upset a Wookie.
C-3PO: Well no one is worried about upsetting a droid.
Han Solo: That's because droids cannot rip people's arms out of their sockets. Wookies are known to do that.
C-3PO: I see sir. R2, may I make a suggestion? Let the Wookie win.
(Classic; but forgive me if I didn't get it 100% correct)
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Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
"Ah! We're not interested in the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon. It's fixed! Just open the door, you stupid lump!" [Artoo finally opens the door] "I never doubted you for a second. Wonderful!"
―C-3PO, to R2-D2, during the escape from Cloud City
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Starwars episode V the empire strikes back
"Sir the possibility of sucessfully navigating an astroid field is approxmaily 3720 to1 Never tell me the odds."
When han enters the astroid field.
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Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
Austin Powers, in the 90's, learning about the deaths of his friends back in the 60's: "Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich."
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Austin Powers:International Man of Mystery
Dr. Evil: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to my underground Lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet, each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE!"
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Now here's a funny one from Ace Combat 04 Shattered Skies
"Raido failure!" :lol: :lol: :lol :lol
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Titan AE:
Stith: Hmm. An intelligent guard. Didn't see that coming...
Stith? I think that was Preed. I liked Preed :(
But now we're on that.
Korso: And keep the engines running!
Preed: Oh yes, they'll be nice and toasty. I won't be keen if the Drej catch me with my trousers down
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[Battlefield Bad Company: Snake Eyes trailer]
*Sweetwater is pointing his SAW at a barrel*
Sarge: What is it now Sweetwater?
Sweetwater: Guys; I'm sure I saw a guy with an eye-patch hiding inside that barrel!
Haggard: What? Nah...
Preston: Why would someone hide in a barrel?
*The barrel shakes and a large exclamation mark comes above it: Clearly a reference to Solid Snake*
Sweetwater: See?! Did you see that?!?!
Haggard: Wha- why would he do that? That's as stupid as hiding in a cardboard box.
Sweetwater: Well, what do we do? I mean, maybe it's some kind of secret military kind of barrel. You know? Like some kind of real solid... metal... I don't know; like some kind of Japanese thing!
*Haggard gives Sweetwater his shotgun and he takes Preston's rifle, which has a grenade launcher on it*
Haggard: Right, don't you worry your pretty little head. I'll figure this out.
*He shoots a grenade at the barrel and it flies in the air, along with someone screaming*
-Later-
Haggard: (Wearing an eye-patch) Hey guys look; I found an eye-patch! (Walks into Sweetwater's weapon) Ow! My head!
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That movie mentioned above looks like a load of rubbish to me <_< . I bet it'll be Hollywood JUNK like Anaconda and Snakes on a Plane. Yep, JUNK :x !
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Another AceCombat one!
"This is thunderhead cut the chatter!"
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Jeepers Creepers:
Darry(looks up at Trisha from sewer pipe): We gotta get out of here.(How original. No s*** Sherlock :slap :bang)
Trisha: No, let's stay and feed the birds!
Jeepers Creepers II:
(The Creeper rips his own head off, and the one gal jumps back in the bus screaming)
Gal:*Pant**Pant*.(in terror) It just ripped its head off!(Another Sherlock moment :lol :lol)
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Willie: (I don't remember how it goes) At least spare him a little dignity (about his sister putting a dress and wig on ET)
-Of course, from ET :D !
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Another funny Ace Combat one
Osean G: "This is not a drill."
Osean 3rd Fleet: "Oh, thanks for the heads up you idiot!"
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[Battlefield Bad Company]
Sarge: This is our stop, now move out! And Sweetwater, just shut up.
Sweetwater: But I didn't say anything!
Haggard: You just did.
Sweetwater: That's cheating and-
Sarge: SHUT UP!
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"The news story said the man was stabbed in the San Pedro area. Believe me, I know how painful that can be; I was once bitten there by a dog. It's especially painful when you go to the bathroom."
"Here's a thought: If you have a perfectly DNA matched identical twin, technically, it's possible to go f*ck yourself."
"A children's museum sounds like a good idea, but I'd imagine it's not very easy to breathe inside those little glass cases."
"I believe everyone should treat each other in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the results."
"Here's a business that doesn't lend itself too easily to the internet: pay toilets."
"I had no shoes and I felt sorry for myself. Until I met a man with no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better."
"Here's a generic joke: A person goes into a place and says something to another person. The second person says something back to the first person, who listens to that, and then says something back to the second person. The thing he says back is really funny."
George Carlin
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[Battlefield Bad Company: Rainbow Sprinkles Trailer]
*Sarge and Preston move up along a wall and see a door on another building*
Sarge: (Whispering) Okay guys, stack up!
Preston: Uh, they said not to wait up... *Points to Haggard and Sweetwater*
*Haggard and Sweetwater are walking casually up to the wall*
Haggard: So, you reckon the rainbow sprinkles are the way for the doughnut?
Sweetwater: Absolutely! Because you get the difference between soft doughnut and-
Sarge: Shh! Could you two get your rears over here right now! (Whispering)
Haggard: You lose something Sarge?
Sweetwater: Did you drop somethi-
Sarge: This is supposed to be a stealth mission!
Haggard: ...Why?
Sarge: Ugh, nevermind! You're here now; I need you to breach that door.
Sweetwater: Ooh! I know this one! On the tip of my tongue. Is it a musical?
Haggard: No, hang on. It's a book.
Sarge: Okay, sign language 101; This means: Stay Low. This means: Stack Up. And this means: I'm gonna put your lights out if you don't shut up!
Sweetwater: "Stack Up?" I'm pretty sure that means one syllable...
Sarge: Just shut up! Breach. That. Door!
Haggard and Sweetwater: ...Okay.
*Haggard throws a frag grenade and blows a clean chunk out of the building; and he and Sweetwater rush in guns blazing*
Preston: ...Uh, should I still be stacking?
*Sarge glares over at him*
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Here's one from Mythbusters,
As they're inflating a balloon made of lead, Adam comments on it's success,
"Who's done this before!? Nobody!"
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[Ace Combat 6 Fires of Liberation]
Sky Kid: "I'm still dancing here. Go on without me."
AWACS Ghost Eye: "Don't give me that, Sky Kid! It's past your bedtime!"
Windhover: You'd make a scary mother, Ghost Eye.*scoffs* But I guess we should be getting back.
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Many may not find it funny but I do.
To set the scene, Ducky was climbing up to Petrie's nest area and grabbed him as she started to slip. She is holding onto Petrie who is flapping his wings ferociously.
Ducky: "Cera wanted to know if you could come down."
Petrie: "Me think me have no choice."
He then stops flapping, I guess he gets tired, and they fall. Though I guess his wings slowed their fall.
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Here's another one from Mythbusters:
Adam describes how he first heard of a dry ice bomb,
"A few years ago, I was buying a few things for Jamie at an ice store, and I noticed a sign that said 'You can not buy dry ice unless you are over 18'. I wondered, 'Why would that be?' so I asked 'Hey, how come you can't buy dry ice unless you're over 18?' and the guy goes "Oh, cuz you could stick it in a two-liter bottle, and make a huge bomb out of it! It blows up and, like, set car alarms off across the street! It's really cool!' I then thought to myself, 'You're new here, aren't you?' and since then I've always wanted to try it [make a dry ice bomb]."
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I laugh at a lot of stupid things so just bear with me here.
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Dave:Why don't you guys go play or raid the dessert table or something?
Claire: Don't take it personal, guys some people just don't understand a good thing when they got it, Right Dave?
Dave: Claire!
Alvin: No offense big guy, but you are not good at this!
Theodore: I missed you too Dave.
Simon: Me too! So did Alvin he's just to cool to admit it.
Theodore: Yup, to macho.
Alvin: *Trying to pretend that he was coughing* Missed you too. *Cough*
Chipmunk adventure:
Simon: Land by the fountain Alvin.
*Alvin overshoots the fountain and lands the balloon in a nearby tree*
Simon: Like I said in the tree.
Bambi II
Thumper: Yeah, why don't you go home to your mama ya big old mama's boy
Thumper's mom: THUMPER!
Thumper: I gotta go. Coming Mama!
I'll post more tomorrow.
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Avalanche: "I'm a little too red in the face to go home yet."
AWACS Ghost Eye: "Roger that, Avalanche! We'll just report that you were gunned down and missing in action."
Shamrock: [laughing] That's pretty harsh, Ghost Eye."
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Another one from Mythbusters:
after a sudden and unexpected bang,
Adam: Woah! Okay... is everybody okay?
Narrator: Uh, fresh underwear for Mr. Savage, please.
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[Red vs Blue]
*Edited due to naughty language*
Sarge: Okay let's review: Grif resolves to quit drinking, smoking, and over eating.
Grif: Screw that! I'm no quitter!
Sarge: Also to die. Simmons will work on controling his anger...
Simmons: GOD DANGIT I DON'T HAVE AN ANGER CONTROL ISSUE!!!!
Sarge: And Donut will stop acting French cartoon skunk Pepe Le Pew during staff meetings.
Donut: (Impersonating that Looney Toon) We we my precious flower...
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"In years past, (traditions following a death) went like this:
'The old man died, so the undertaker picked up the body, brought it to the funeral home, and put it in a casket. People sent flowers and held a wake. After the funeral, they put the coffin in a hearse and drove it to the cemetery, where the dead man was buried in a grave.'
But in these days of heightened sensitivity, the same series of events produces what sounds like a completely different experience:
'The senior citizen passed away, so the funeral director claimed the remains of the decedent, took them to the memorial chapel, and placed them in a burial container. Grieving survivors sent floral tributes to be displayed in the slumber room, where the grief coordinator conducted the viewing. Following the memorial service, the funeral coach transported the departed to the garden of remembrance, where his human remains were interred in their final resting place.'
'Huh? What's that? Did somebody die, or something?'"
-George Carlin
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[The Simpsons Movie]
Homer: Marge, isn't it great to be married to someone who is recklessly impulsive?
Marge: Actually, it's aged me horribly.
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Super Mario World Cartoon [Rock T.V.]
luigi:hey mario why aint he lips moving
mario:probably watched to many catoons :lol
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Dodgeball
"You're adopted your parents don't even love you!"
"Damnit Bernise!"
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Indiana Jones 4
*edited for language*
Marion Ravenwood-Williams: [to Jones] It's about Mutt.
Indiana Jones: He's a good kid. You should get off his back about school. Not everyone is cut out for it
Marion Ravenwood-Williams: His real name's Henry.
Indiana Jones: [absent-mindedly] Good name.
Marion Ravenwood-Williams: He's your son. Henry Jones...III.
[Pause]
Indiana Jones: ...Why the heck didn't you make him finish school?!
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Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
[Driving on a supposedly English road, clearly *not* filmed on location]
Austin Powers: You know what's remarkable? Is how much England looks in no way like Southern California.
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indiana jone and the last crusade
He chose... poorly.
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[Battlefield Bad Company]
Haggard: I kinda like this place. Looks like somewhere I would take a vacation.
Redford: Sure, if you don't mind the snipers, or the mines on the beach, or the smell of death...
Sweetwater: Actually guys, if my memory is correct, they were going to build a resort like place here before the war started and... you guys really don't care now do you?
Redford: Listen, if we only had one shot at the gold then this is it. Let's find a vehicle and go around to the coast. We'll have to get as close as we can to that ship; and then we'll...
Haggard: And then we'll, what?
Redford: Then we'll improvise.
Sweetwater: Okay, am I the only one starting to get cold feet about this?
Haggard: Yup. Embrace the suck Sweet. Embrace the suck.
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[Casablanca]
Cn. Renault: I am shocked, simply shocked to find gambling taking place in this facility!
Aide: Your winnings, sir.
Cn. Renault: Oh, thank you.
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(here's another mythbusters quote)
(Tory is facing the camera, is holding his hand out like a gun, and has fishnet stockings over his head)
"Gimmie your cash!"
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[Red vs Blue]
*Sarge rips on the show Lost*
And whatever happened to the numbers on The Hatch? It's like they're just making this stuff up as they go along.
And what about the polar bears? What were they even doing on the island?
Why would you even cast a kid for that part anyway? We all know he's going to hit puberty before the fifth episode.
First we're flashing backwards; then we're flashing fowards; soon we're gonna be flashing sideways to Everybody Loves Raymond!
And the smoke monster... don't get me started on the smoke monster!
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Honey, where's my supersuit? -Frozone from The Incredibles.
"What?!"
"WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT!?!"
"I uh put it away"
"WHERE!?"
"WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW!?"
"I NEED IT!"
Gah, can't remember the rest DX
But still :lol
AoFW
Toad: (to Adder) You've found yourself a new friend (Sinuous)
Adder: That's none of your buisness!
Toad: You'll be adding up adders soon I recons!
Adder: Sinuous, shall I deal with that odious creature, or shall you?
And that's supposed to be a kid's show, even though I get only 2/3ds of the quote.
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Two from Disney's Robin Hood:
The chariot falls apart, and PJ and Sir Hiss are laying in mud. PJ starts kicking up a fuss.
Sir Hiss: "I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you but no no no you would'nt listen to me!"
PJ raises mother's mirror.
Sir Hiss: "Ah, ah ah! Seven years bad(CRASH) luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror."
PJ: "Aiii, Mommy!(sucks thumb then pulls it back out) I've got a dirty thumb. :lol
A later scene, when it's(supposedly) only Sherriff and Trigger at the castle.
Trigger: "I dunno, Sherriff, but I have a funny feeling there's gonna be a jail break here any minute..."(accidentally aims crossbow at Sherriff)
Sherriff: "Watch it, Trigger! Put that Peatshooter down!"
Trigger: "Ah, don't worry Sherriff. The safety's on ol' Betsy."
Crossbow sets off, causing Sherriff and Trigger to leap around for a few moments.
Sherriff(catches his breath): What in tarnation were you trying to do, you birdbrain?!"(pops Trigger one on the head)
Trigger: "Just doin' my duty, Sherriff."
Sherriff: "Argh, you and that trigger finger of yours."
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Sir Hiss: "I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you but no no no you would'nt listen to me!"
PJ raises mother's mirror.
Sir Hiss: "Ah, ah ah! Seven years bad(CRASH) luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror."
PJ: "Aiii, Mommy!(sucks thumb then pulls it back out) I've got a dirty thumb. :lol ."
Love that bit :lol ! I had a goofy idea that they were in prison for seven years...and all because of the mirror breaking :wow
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some funny ace combat quotes from Ace Combat 5
"I don't mind all the attractions guys, but next time, pay for your own tickets!"
"Quit screwing around, this is war! The enemy is all over and they're gonna eat you alive!"
"Oh yeah, just weave through the missiles. What are you, NUTS?!"
"This is AWACS Thunderhead. Captain Davenport, how many times do I have to tell you to cut the chatter?!"
Chopper: "Thunderhead, this is Razgriz 3, roger that."
AWACS Thunderhead: "What did you just say?"
Baker 7, I'm going to attack [the military helicopters] myself!
Patrol Car Baker 7: Hey Charlie 11, what's that you got in the back seat?!
Patrol Car Charlie 11: That's my anti-tank rifle! I brought it with me from home!
Kirk: Woof woof, woof!
Blaze: Yes.
Kirk: Woof!
ace combat zero
Pixy: "Crow 3, if you get shot down, crash where I can't see."
PJ: Roger that. Leave it to me.
Valais AFB: "One of the bombers has left the battlefront, he must've chickened out."
Pixy: "Why would he leave after getting this far?"
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In the LBT 6:
Grandpa(talking to Doc about that Mr. Three Horn is a good person once you get to know him)
Doc: Don't know if I want to stay here that long!
XD
In the LBT 7:
Pterano: Don't tell me, you must be old three horn's daughter.
Cera: How did you know?
Pterano: Let's just say there is a strong family resembalnce...
Cera: Oh, thank you.
(Pterano was basically going, "what ever", but Cera didn't get it...)
Pterano: Sierra! Show a little self control will you!
Sierra: Self control my tail bone! I've been putting up with that whiney little voice since we took off!
*does a Ducky impersonation* No, no, no! Jeb, jeb, jeb! It's driving me nuts, nuts, nuts!
Pterano: Poor thing, so young, so full of life!
Sierra: So what?
During the song "Very Important Creature":
Pterano: Some of us are born to lead while the rest of you must follow.
Sierra: I'd like to knock him off his perch!
Rinkus: This is getting hard to swallow!
Pterano: Look at these wings, look at this beak!
Rinkus: I guess you can say you are quite unique (sarcasm here)
Sierra: When I finish with him he won't even speak! (Run Pterano run!)
XD
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Bart: Who knew a bunch of guys in brown shirts could cause so much trouble?
(You might need a bit of a history lesson to get this one. :p)
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Ali: "Rhett is very brave, but he won't play with kids he doesn't know. "
Littlefoot: "That doesn't sound very brave."
Then the reaction shot on Rhett's face. :lol
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One of my favorite bits of Gone With the Wind
Pork: Who's gonna milk that cow, Miss Scarlet? We's housewoikers
GO PORK :lol !
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Because I see a few RvB fans..
Caboose: "We have a lot in common, agent Washington..."
Washington: "No we don't......and don't ever say that again..."
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some more funny AC quotes
enemy planes at 3 o'clock!
3 o'clock from who? you're not helping us here!
Osean Company D: "Uhh, this is company D. I have a favor to ask. Could you bomb our monster of a captain from the air for us?"
Blaze: No.
Osean Company D: Oh, sorry just kidding. Psst Lance, plan fail. We gotta think of something else!
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From Dad's Army:
German Officer: (to Pike) "What's your name boy?"
Captain Mainwaring: "Don't tell him Pike!"
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"If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing."
-Homer Simpson-
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Star Wars Episode 2
Anakin: (Holds up his ruined lightsaber) Not again...Obi-Wan's gonna kill me...
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Here's some HK-47 quotes from Knights of the Old Republic:
"Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope... Love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticule, and together, achieving a singular purpose against statistically long odds."
―HK-47
"Shall we find something to kill to cheer ourselves up?"
―HK-47
"Droids tend to blend into the background, like a bench or a card table. Mockery: Droid, fetch this. Droid, translate that. Droid, clean out the trash compactor. Part of the love of my function comes when the ‘furnishings’ pull out tibanna-powered rifles and point them at the owners' heads."
―HK-47, on his lowly status as a droid
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Launguage warning:
"You know they say guys suffer from premature ejaculation. That's not true, women suffer. What guy is suffering from this? 'Oh no, I'm cumming. Woe is me.'" - Robert Schimmel
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[The Simpsons]
Homer: WOO HOO! I'm a college man! I won't need my high school diploma any more! *Lights it on fire; and starts dancing with the flames spreading* I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T!!!!
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To put this one in writing would be to destroy its greatness, so I instead provide you with a link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuNerD0rHVk).
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XXX
Cage: You brought a bazooka? Stop thinking marines and start thinking Playstation! Blow s**t up!
Then he learns its a heat seaker, and notices a guy smoking again. He shoots the rocket and kills him.
Cage: I told him that cigarette would kill him someday.
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-Red vs Blue: Small Rewards PSA-
Grif: I hate Achievements.
Simmons: What? Why?
Grif: Because they're a waste of time; why bother with them.
Simmons: Why bother with anything in a video game. It's for fun.
Grif: That's not true, some games are serious business.
Simmons: What?
Grif: One time, I played Donkey Kong so well I cured Kidneyism. It was the best day ever. The end.
Simmons: "Kidneyism"? There no such disease as Kidneyism!
Grif: That's right, not anymore; 'cause I cured that b****.
Simmons: Idiot.
*Achievement Unlocked: 20G-Grif Burn*
Grif: What was that?
Simmons: That was one of our new video achievments. I got it for calling you an idiot.
-
Red VS blue Reconstruction chapter 11
Church: (in ghost form, just after leaving Caboose’s mind) Delta, Delta wait! Memory is the key? What about the Meta, what about –
Grif: Uh, dude?
Simmons: (standing next to Wash) Yeah, turns out I’m not so good at distracting.
Church: (still a ghost) Wash, don’t panic, I can explain…
Grif: Yeah, see when Simmons was boring you with a random conversation about nerd stuff, he was really just trying to distract you from what the Blue guy was doing.
Sarge: He means to explain the fact that he’s a ghost!
Grif: Oh, right. Yeah, he can explain that part, too.
Sarge: Idiot.
-
From Wayne's World (1992)
Wayne Campbell: Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.
Garth Algar: Did you ever see that "Twilight Zone" where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool, huh?
Wayne Campbell: Well, that's all the time we had for our movie. We hope you found it entertaining, whimsical and yet relevant, with an underlying revisionist conceit that bullied the films emotional attachments to the subject matter.
Garth Algar: I just hoped you didn't think it sucked.
Garth Algar: Uh, Wayne?
Wayne Campbell: Yeah?
Garth Algar: Do you ever get the feeling Benjamin's just using us?
Wayne Campbell: Good call. It's like he wants us to be liked by everyone. I mean Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.
-
More funny AC quotes Albert Genette: "That pilot in the No 7 plane was amazing! Did you see her fight back?"
Heartbreak One: "I couldn't bear to watch. Nagase, you keep flying like that and you'll die real soon!"
Nagase: "I won't die, sir."
Heartbreak One: "Are you sure? You look like you couldn't hurt a fly."
AWACS Oka Nieba: La la la...listen to our beautiful voice! This is AWACS, Oka Nieba. That would mean 'Sky Eye' in your language."
Patrol Car Charlie 11: Baker 7, I'm going to attack [the military helicopters] myself!
Patrol Car Baker 7: Hey Charlie 11, what's that you got in the back seat?!
Patrol Car Charlie 11: That's my anti-tank rifle! I brought it with me from home!
Pixy: "Here comes the snow..."
PJ: "And I like to play polo. You know, the game with the horses? ...Maybe We should get going, now."
AWACS Eagle Eye: "Galm team, we cannot authorize a retreat. Intercept them!"
Pixy: "I figured you'd say that. This is gonna cost you extra."
Ilya Pasterneck: "Toscha, give me one of those apples you have there. Then go have a dance with the angels, will ya?"
Avalanche: "Are we even now, Garuda?"
Shamrock: "Avalanche, I got that fighter off your tail. Looks like you've still got a loan to pay off!"
Avalanche: "But don't forget about that 2nd Typhoon I shot down for you. That oughtta count for something!"
Snake Pit: "You two have a lot to learn from Talisman; he never takes out loans up here![roars with laughter]"
-
Hot Rod (2007)
[Rod sees a chuck of metal lodged in Dave's eye and they both scream]
Dave: Hey, buddy. How's it going?
Rod Kimble: Dave, what happened to your eye?
Dave: This? Is it really noticeable?
Rod Kimble: Yeah!
Dave: Is it really noticeable?
Rod Kimble: Yeah!
Dave: Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, just try and relax.
Dave: Can't do, man. Can't do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you and you've got a mountain for a face.
Rod Kimble: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave.
Dave: Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, it's my mom's.
Dave: Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it.
Rod Kimble: I didn't see anything.
Dave: Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.
Denise: I'm sorry, Rod. What were you going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Um, I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between... a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco.
Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Of course.
Denise: Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich - in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco.
Rod Kimble: Wow, that's pretty racist, but correct. I'll see you later.
Rico: I'm kinda grumpy today, dude. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was having those dreams again. Ya know, how it's just me in a castle and I gotta fight, like, a thousand wizards and the only way to beat them is to punch them as hard as I can in their faces. Then, when I'm done, all their little wizard wives came out and wanted me to have sex with them - which is kinda weird.
-
Pixy: Too bad buddy.
Pixy(Ariving in suped up superplane): So have you found a reason to fight yet... buddy?
Yellow-13: Who was that who shot me? See who's responsible for that shot!
Yellow squadron pilot: It's a ribbion.
-
[Family Guy]
Tom Tucker: How's the weather out there Ollie?
Ollie: It's raining sideways!
Tom: Sounds rough Ollie. Do you have an umbrella?
Ollie: Had one.
Tom: Where is it?
Ollie: Inside out; two miles away.
Tom: Is there anything we can do for you?
Ollie: Bring me some soup.
Tom: What kind?
Ollie: CHUNKY!!!!
Tom: Alright we'll get on that...
-
more Mythbusters quotes:
(Jamie is in a cabin in Alaska and sees a guy in a yeti costume out the window)
Jamie (sounding completely unamused): Oh look, there's a yeti outside.
Adam (in a French accent): Jamie, I think you used too much explosives.
-
Blades of Glory (2007)
Jimmy: Get out of my face.
Chazz: I'll get inside your face.
Chazz: Personal philosophy? Clothing optional.
Jimmy: I don't share rooms.
Chazz: I don't share SHIT...
Chazz: Whoever invented rope was a real a-hole!
Chazz: Did you carve up any ice... with your weiner? (This one's pretty f***ed up)
Chazz: Troubled childhood? If you consider a 9 year old kid with a 35 year old girlfriend troubled.
Chazz: [talking to the press] This is my brother. And this is my brother's new girlfriend and she is NOT a whore!
Bryce: Are you drunk?
Chazz: No, but this oughta do it
[smashes open a bottle of liquor and drinks]
Bryce: I'd fire you... if you weren't so goddamn beautiful out there.
[pause]
Bryce: You smell like urine.
Chazz: A lot?
Chazz: [Referring to his program] I hope you’ve brought your silver polish, MacElroy, 'cause that was gold.
Jimmy: That was disgusting.
Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.
Jimmy: You ruined my dreams!
Chazz: Dreams? Shit, I haven't had one of those in years.
Jimmy: Zip it Chazz, just zip it, or I'll punch you in your crap-lousy face!
Chazz: Hey, this ends tonight!
Jimmy: It's daytime, you douche!
Chazz: The night is a very dark time for me.
Jimmy: It's dark for everyone, moron!
Chazz: Not for Alaskans or dudes with night-vision goggles.
-
(regarding language used on the news after a death)
"'Our thoughts are with the family'. What exactly does that mean? Sympathies I can understand. Prayers, as ineffective as they are, I can understand. But… thoughts? Why thoughts? What kind of thoughts? Just… thoughts? Like 'Gee, he's dead.'? How does that help? And where do these thoughts fit in your head, anyway? In between 'My ass hurts in this chair.' and 'Let's f*ck the waitress.'?" - George Carlin
-
Radar: The winners in the model yacht race at the cesspool are...
Henry: Not that one, Radar!
Hawkeye: Let him read it, I haven't seen a sports page in months.
Radar: First place went to Private Norman Palansky and his yacht, the Majestic, corn cob construction with toliet paper sails.
Hawkeye: Ah, that Palansky has the sea in his blood.
Radar: Second place went to Sergaent Timothy Macinnery with his clipper the Evangiline, covered from a pound cake his wife sent him six months ago... Remainder of the contestants failed to finish due to an unusually strong undertow just after breakfast.
-
Charles: Know this. You can cut me off from the civilized world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice daily swill, but you cannot break the spirit of a Winchester. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness and I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer.
Potter: You know, I think he's getting the hang of this place.
Hawkeye: Finally!
BJ: I beg your pardon?
Hawkeye: It took you 6 minutes and three decks of cards to read that page.
BJ: Two pages. One on this side. One on that side.
Hawkeye: That still comes out to 78 cards a page. Nobody reads that slowly.
BJ: I'm not reading. I'm savouring.
Hawkeye: Savour faster. I'm desperate. I'd trade my soul for a laundry list.
BJ: Go over to the mess tent. Read the alphabet soup.
Hawkeye (holds up a card): How would you like a club in the mouth?
BJ: Relax! Relax, will you? I'll be finished with this, uh, Tuesday, latest.
Hawkeye: Tuesday!?
BJ: Wednesday?
Hawkeye: Look, I'm sitting reading your shoe size and not believing it, I might add. I'll never make it 'til Tuesday.
(Charles enters)
Charles: Hunnicutt, what page are you on?
BJ: 21.
Charles: 21? At the rate you read, the murderer would have escaped to Venezuela by now.
PA Announcement: Attention all personnel. The Mess Tent is closed this afternoon for the medical staff meeting. Unfortunately, it will re-open for dinner at 1700 hours.
Flagg: Alright, cards up and drop those hands!
Potter: What the Sam Hill-?
Hawkeye: I was just going to ask who was dummy.
Flagg: Grab those cards, they're evidence.
Doo Pak: (says something in Korean)
Flagg: Speak English!
Potter: I'll speak English! What is this idiocy about?
Flagg: Your spy ring.
Potter: Spy ring?
Flagg: Very clever, hiding under a house of cards while you plot the overthrow of the free world.
Hawkeye: He's got us, guys, we might as well confess. I'm Joe Stalin. Mao Tse-Tung, Marshall Tito, and, of course, you already know Lenin. What can I say, we couldn't get a room in the Kremlin.
Kilinger: Halt! Friend or foe?
Margret: Outta my way or I'll run you down!
Klinger: Pass... friend.
-
-Red vs Blue-
Simmons: ...And how many snack cakes did you have today?
Grif: None.
Simmons: ...
Grif: Okay five; or more. Baker's dozen at most.
Simmons: Do you even know how many there is in a Baker's dozen?
Grif: By my count: 48.
-
Grandma Longneck: You are all acting like children!
Petrie: Ha! Me no act like that.
-
[Family Guy] *Last part edited*
Peter: Who would you start a small business with? Janet Reno after a Safari; or the fat guy from My Name is Earl?
Quagmire: That still sounds like a sex question...
Peter: It is not.
Quagmire: Then what does a Safari have to do with it?!
Cleveland: What's the guy from Earl's credit rating?
Peter: 651.
Cleveland: That's not bad...
Joe: Better than mine.
Cleveland: Does he have an idea, or do I have to come up with one myself?
Peter: He's got an idea, it's just not quite there yet.
Quagmire: I gotta give this one to Janet Reno; because I've always had this business plan for home deliveries of prescription medications and that really seems more her market.
Joe: This is stupid. I WANNA TALK ABOUT HOT CHICKS!!!!!!
-
My grandmother has a magenant on her refrigeratior. It is a sheep. Written on it, it says "Ewe is not fat. Ewe is fluffy"
-
Osean G Company D: Uh, this is Company D. I have a favor to ask...could you bomb our monster of a Captain from the air for us?
Blaze: No
Osean G Company D: Ah, heh, I was just kidding...Psst, Lance, the plan failed. We gotta think of something else.
-
-Red vs Blue: Election News-
Bill: Wait a second! Standoff. Standoff apparently has seven players!
Jim: You don't say.
Bill: Seven players on Standoff. It's an uneven number; that means we're gonna have a tie breaker-!
Jim: Bill, I hate to interupt you; but I have breaking news...
*Graphic of Campaign 2552 appears*
Jim: I've just been told that we have a major development of Standoff of all places. For more information let's go to Bill Jenkins in the results room. Bill?
Bill: Jim, you're interupting my report to cut to my report. What the hell is the matter with you?
Jim: We had to use the graphic Bill.
Bill: I hate you Jim. I hate this job.
-
"You ever try to drink wine out of anything but a wine glass? You feel like a drunk! 'Hey, could you refill my Yahtzee shaker? Hit the sippy cup while you're at it.'" - Jim Gaffigan
-
-Red vs Blue: Grifball PSA-
Sarge: Why hello! I'm Sarge from the popular web series, "Red vs Blue."
Caboose: And I'm, standing next to him!
Sarge: You know the world of professional sports has seen some very unsportsmanlike conduct recenty. Drug use is rampant; players' salaries are obscene...
Caboose: And tennis is still boring.
-
Lyrics- Old Godzilla was hopping around
Tokyo City like a big playground
when suddenly Batman burst from the shade
and hit Godzilla with a Batgrenade
Godzilla got mad and began to attack
but didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq
who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq Fu
when Aaron Carter came out of the blue
and he started beating up Shaquille O'Neal
then they both got flattened by the Batmobile
but before it could make it back to the Batcave
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave
and took an AK47 out from under his hat
and blew Batman away with a rat-a-tat-tat
but he ran out of bullets and he ran away
because Optimus Prime came to save the day
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime
like Scruff McGruff took a bite out of crime
and then Shaq came back covered in a tire track
but Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back
and Batman was injured, and trying to get steady
when Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete
but suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Indiana Jones took him out with his whip
then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind
and he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed
and Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist
then he jumped in the air and did a summersault
while Abraham Lincoln tried to pole vault
onto Optimus Prime, but they collided in the air
then they both got hit by a Care Bear Stare, oooh
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
angels sang out in immaculate chorus
down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
who deliver a kick which could shatter bones
into the crotch of Indiana Jones
who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
but Chuck saw through his clever disguise
and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs
then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
all came out of no where lightning fast
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ...
it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
with civilians looking on total awe
and the fight raged on for a century
many lives were claimed, but eventually
the champion stood, the rest saw their better:
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
of Ultimate Destiny
Category: Comedy
Tags: The Ultimate Showdown of Destiny :)
-
ReVS Blue Reconstruction chapter 16
*Warning Spoilers!*
Agent Washington:Church you're one of them. You're an AI. You are the alpha.
-
-The Simpsons Game-
Lisa: Dad, we have to insert the Sparkomon into the slots!
Homer: Lisa, don't tell me how to use a toilet. Would you tell Chuck Yager how to fly a plane?
-
mario: He's showing a plumbler how a garbage disposal works??" :lol :lol :lol Super Mario Bros Show
-
-Red vs Blue Achievements PSA-
Caboose: I also have my own achievables!
Simmons: Shut up Blue; we haven't even made any for you guys yet.
Caboose: Yes you have. See? Bleep Bloop.
You Got Achievables
Simmons: That's not a real Achievement.
Caboose: Yes it is. Bleep Bloop.
10 pts. Yes It Is
Simmons: No! You can't do that! You can't say the Achievements, they have to be approved!
Achievement Unlocked: 20G- Wahmbulance: Whine like a b****
Caboose: Bleep Bloop.
Simmons: Stop saying "Bleep Bloop."
Caboose: Bleep Bloop!
BLEEP BLOOP
Simmons: Stop it!
Caboose: Bleep Bloop!
BLEEP BLOOP
Simmons: STOP IT!!!!
Caboose: Bleep Bloop!
BLOOP BLOOP
Simmons: Alright, that's it; I quit.
Caboose: Bleep Bloop! I have so many achievables!
DADOP DOOP
-
Family Guy Season Premiere!
Lorretta finds Cleveland and apologizes for cheating on him and wants to come back to him
Cleveland: I'm not meteorologist, but I think it's raining bitches!
Possibly his best line ever!!!!!!!!!
-
-Red vs Blue: Rock Bottom-
Simmons: We don't know the full details, but apparently: People buying houses they couldn't afford with money they didn't have from banks that weren't paying attention is apparently a bad thing.
Grif: Who knew?
-
Me: (to my student teacher in English) I can see why the Gone With the Wind sequel was a flop. It didn't have Clark Gable (quietly) To me, he makes Zac Efron look like a total moose!
It's true you know. If Gable were the Peacock and Zac Efron were a moose...I'd approach the peacock :P:
-
-Red vs Blue-
Simmons: Hello weary traveler. We represent the timeline.
Sarge: I am the Past: Where things cost less, and people knew the value of a hard day's work; but they only lived to be 40 years old!
Simmons: And I am the Future: Where people had no morals; but we had a ton of kick ass gadgets.
Grif: And I'm the Present: Which sucks. We have nothing cool and no morals.
-
more Mythbusters quotes:
Adam: (holding to two small containers which the labels have been blurred by the camera) This ingredient is blur. This ingredient is also blur. Blur is very dangerous. You never want to mix blur with blur.
___
Jaime: (referring to the car with a rocket sticking out of the trunk) Go ahead and tailgate. See if I care.
___
Jaime: (yelling over the noise of a noisy experiment) The neighbors might think it's cool to live next-door to the Mythbusters. That might change.
-
-Battlefield Bad Company-
Haggard: So what are we gonna do Sarge? Are we just gonna run straight through the enemy lines?
Sweetwater: Yeah Haggard, that's a great idea; Or... we can use the vehicle over there.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Haggard: I've been thinking about Miss July, how do you know she's good looking? I have this cousin who has a beautiful voice, but a face like a can of dog food.
Sweetwater: Is that the one you dated?
Haggard: Yup.
Sweetwater: ...Cool.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sweetwater: I wonder what Miss July would do for a weekend getaway...
Haggard: You wouldn't even have the guts to ask her.
Sarge: This is a war Sweetwater, you don't just get time off.
Sweetwater: Yeah, well this war is gonna end someday...
Haggard: Wash your mouth out with soap!
:lol :lol :lol
-
more Mythbusters quotes:
Adam: (holding to two small containers which the labels have been blurred by the camera) This ingredient is blur. This ingredient is also blur. Blur is very dangerous. You never want to mix blur with blur.
___
Jaime: (referring to the car with a rocket sticking out of the trunk) Go ahead and tailgate. See if I care.
___
Jaime: (yelling over the noise of a noisy experiment) The neighbors might think it's cool to live next-door to the Mythbusters. That might change.
Some really funny stuff comes out of that show. :lol
-
Some funny ones from M*A*S*H
Klinger (reading an alleged letter from home): "Dear Son"--
Henry: You obviously haven't sent her a recent picture.
Henry (pulling out Klinger's file): Here we go. Father dying, right?
Klinger: Yes, sir.
Henry (going through letters in Klinger's file): Father dying, last year. Mother dying, last year. Mother and father dying. Mother, father and older sister dying. Mother dying and older sister pregnant. Older sister dying and mother pregnant. Younger sister pregnant and older sister dying. Here's an oldie but a goodie: half of the family dying, other half pregnant. (puts file down) Klinger, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Klinger: Yes sir. I don't deserve to be in the Army.
Igor: We have liver or fish.
Hawkeye: I didn't hear you say that, because it isn't possible. It's inhuman to serve the same food day after day! The Geneva Convention prohibits the killing of our taste buds! I simply cannot eat the same food every day! Fish, liver, day after day! I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions! Are we gonna stand for this?! Are we gonna let them do this to us?! No! I say, no!! We're not gonna eat this dreck anymore!! (He hurls the food on his tray towards the tent screen where Klinger and Radar are sitting. They both duck.) WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!! WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!!
(Hawkeye gets everyone else in the mess tent to join in the chant)
Hawkeye & everybody in mess tent: WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!! WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!! WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE!!
(Hawkeye jumps up on top of one of the tables)
Hawkeye: Draftees of the world arise!!! You have nothing to lose but your cookies!!!
-
Battlefield Bad Company: Sweetwater's Blog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68zoNHHnyAY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68zoNHHnyAY)
-
Yo buddy you still alive?
-
Red VS Blue Reconstruction *Spoilers*
sarge:How do we turn this alarm off maybe it's one of those clap things *claps hands and alarm turns off* There we go.
-
Toad:When i get my hands on that king koopa i'll fix his wagon
luigi:hey wats the matter with king koopas wagon?is it broken :lol :lol :lol Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
-
Red vs Blue: First!
Sarge: And whatever happened to the numbers on the Hatch? It's like they're making up all this as they go along-
Caboose: Excuse me, I am new here; and there are things I don't understand about how this place works.
Sarge: Wow, a new user... THAT'S GREAT! We'd be happy to show you the ropes!
Lopez: (In Spanish) I love new users. I always enjoy seeing fresh perspectives on the things we love to talk about.
Sarge: Welcome new...best friend.
-
Peach: Don't you ever think about anything other than food?
Mario: What else is there?
Mouser: BRAIN SURGURY! lol Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
-
2 half wits and a princess
luigi: hey, i resemble that Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
-
Family Guy
Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get there.
Brian: Okay.
*Stewie grabs his walkie and walks off screen*
Stewie (over walkie): Brian, pick up; over.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Brian, please say "over" when you are finished talking; over.
Brian: *Sighs* What? Over.
Stewie: Do you see the wire yet? Over.
Brian: No.
Stewie: ..."No" what? Over.
Brian: No. Over.
Stewie: Okay I'm gonna start feeding it through; over.
Brian: Wait, if you haven't started feeding it why did you ask me if I could see it?
Stewie: Didn't copy that; over.
Brian: I said, "if you haven't started feeding it why did you ask me if I could see it?" Over.
Stewie: Oh that's better, I can hear you now; over. Do you see it yet? Over.
Brian: You know? You're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what Brian? Over.
Brian: I said I don't wanna hang out with you when this is over.
Stewie: "When this is" what? You gotta finish your sentence. Over.
Brian: That's it! My sentence is over.
Stewie: Your sentence is what Brian? Over.
Brian: My sentence is- Wait a minute, I have to say "over" even when the sentence ends with the word "over"?
Stewie: "Ends with the word" what Brian? Over.
*The wire comes down from the top of the screen*
Brian: Oh, I see the wire.
Stewie: You see the wire what Brian? Over.
*Brian tugs down on the wire*
Brian: OVER!!!
*Stewie falls face down onto the floor*
:lol :lol :lol :lol
-
Liar Liar:
*After Fletcher and Miranda had a good time*
Miranda: "That was wonderful. What did you think?"
Fletcher: "I've had better."
:lol
Down Periscope:
*Pascoe's the Executive Officer, and Buckman's the cook*
Pascoe: "Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food, you fat-a** moron! Yesterday, there was a Band-Aid!"
Buckman: "Sorry, sir. The Band-Aid was holding the fingernail on it."
Pascoe: "What else do you put in your sauces, Buckman?!"
Buckman: "It's an old family recipe, sir." *Begins to spray cooking spray on the floor to and on the ladder behind Pascoe's back*
Pascoe: "Oh my gosh! There's cockroaches in the flour! Your cigar ashes in the spaghetti! Geez, Buckman! This can's been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!"
Buckman (takes a taste): "What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn."
Pascoe: "Except, it's DEVILED HAM!"
Buckman: "That'll be a problem, sir."
Pascoe: "The captain's gonna hear about this!" *slips and falls as he storms off, gets up, and turns and points at Buckman* "Nobody saw that!"
Buckman (after he shakes his head): "You outta be more careful, sir. Remember, when you rush, that's when accidents happen."
Pascoe: "Shut up, Buckman!" *goes to climb stairs, only to slip and knock his chin on every step before hitting the floor. Buckman puts his cigar back in his mouth and cocks his eyebrows*
-
Red vs Blue
Simmons: This patrol was seventeen seconds late. Who's runnin' this place? How inefficient. Sloppy...
Sarge: I'm bored outta my gourd.
Grif: So what? Bored is good. Bored means we're not dying. Boredom I can deal with. I have years of practice.
Caboose: Yes! Grif talked, I won, I won the who can be the quietest game again.
Grif: Yeah, good job. That's ten in a row for you Caboose. Hey, you know what? We should play again. Best eleven out of twenty-one.
Caboose: Yes. You're all going down.
Simmons: Heh. We should try holding our breath next.
Sarge: Well that's it. I can't stand just sittin' around. I'm goin' mad with anticipation.
Simmons: We've only been here twelve minutes.
Sarge: Are you sure? My mission clock says three days.
Simmons: *sigh* That's because you wouldn't synchronize at the start of the mission, remember? I said we should synchronize, and you said "Why would we synchronize? It's like we're in the future, seeing what the enemy does before they do it. Why would we give up the advantage?"
Sarge: Come on, Simmons, who could possibly remember an annoying conversation we had three whole days ago?
Simmons: Twelve minutes ago.
Sarge: Grif, what's your clock say?
Grif: Um, actually mine's a countdown to the next episode of Battlestar Galactica. Priorities dude.
Caboose: Ah- ah- I just won again! Man, you guys are really bad at this game! It's- it's like you're not even playing at all!
-
The Lion King, when the hyenas have Simba, Nala and Zazu surrounded:
Zazu: "Ah! Look at the sun! It's time to go!"
Shenzi: "Wait, wait, wait. We'de LOVE for you to stick around for dinner!"
Banzai: "Yeah! We could have whatever's 'lion' around!"
Shenzi: "Hey hey hey! I've got one! I've got one! Make mine a CUB sandwich! Whatdya think, Ed?!"
Ed: *Jibber-Jabber*
Shenzi: "What, Ed?!"
Banzai: "Hey! Did we order this dinner to go?"
Shenzi: "No, why?"
Banzai: "'Cuz there it GOES!"
:lol I like this one that came later on:
Shenzi: "There ain't no way I'm going in here! What ya want me to come out looking like you, cactusbutt?!" :p :lol
-
Achievement Hunter Video: Geoff wins
Geoff: Space Chimps is... torturous. The developers were sadistic. You should not make a kids game that unforgiving.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itTSAgLQIXQ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itTSAgLQIXQ)
PS: Way to go Geoff. Great game to finish the bet with! (Left 4 Dead)
-
The Dark Knight
Batman: let her go
Joker: *lets go of rachels hand and lets her fall* Poor choice of words.
-
Left 4 Dead
Francis: I hate hospitals. I hate elevators. I hate stairs... and doctors and lawyers and cops-
Bill: Francis, is there anything you don't hate?
Francis: You wanna know what I don't hate? I don't hate vests.
-
Red vs Blue: Relocated
Sarge: ...Oh and uh, Grif, one more thing: You may would want to sit down.
Grif: I can't sit; I think both of my knee caps are shattered. (From falling off of the base)
Sarge: Oh, well in that case; Simmons, you'd better be prepared to catch him. He'll probably faint when I tell him that his sister is dead.
Grif: My sister is dead?!
Sarge: Oh, you already know. Good, I was worried about how to break the news to you. That could have been awkward.
Grif: No way. Not true.
Sarge: Lopez told us himself.
Grif: Yeah right.
Simmons: You don't believe it?
Grif: I'll tell you what: You produce a corpse, I'll believe it.
Simmons: Huh?
Grif: Listen; Once when we were kids, we went ice skating and she fell through the ice. She was under there for three hours. And when they pulled her out, not only was she still alive; she was pregnant ( :blink: ). If you can explain that to me, I'll believe you that she's dead.
-
at the end of terminator 2
T-100: I need a vacation :DD
-
Here's some funny AC5 quotes
Osean G: "This is not a drill."
Osean 3rd Fleet: "Oh, thanks for the heads up you idiot!"
Lt. Col. Ford: I trust you can hold the runway until we arrive?
Blaze: No.
Lt. Col. Ford: That's an order! We'll be in danger if we don't land! You WILL obey!!
Patrol Car Charlie 11: Baker 7, I'm going to attack [the military helicopters] myself!
Patrol Car Baker 7: Hey Charlie 11, what's that you got in the back seat?!
Patrol Car Charlie 11: That's my anti-tank rifle! I brought it with me from home!
AC6
Avalanche: "I'm a little too red in the face to go home yet."
AWACS Ghost Eye: "Roger that, Avalanche! We'll just report that you were gunned down and missing in action."
Shamrock: [laughing] That's pretty harsh, Ghost Eye."
-
Battlefield: Bad Company
US Army: Soldiers of B-Company, lay down your arms or we will take you by force.
Haggard: Yeah? Says you and what army?
Sweetwater: What?!
Haggard: I just always wanted to say that.
Sweetwater: Why?
Haggard: Sounds cool. Plus I shut them up.
Sarge: You shut up. Look around you.
*Helicopters surround them*
Haggard: That army. Say goodbye to the gold.
Sweetwater: So, I wonder what prison is gonna be like...
Haggard: I heard the food was good.
Sweetwater: I think the food is gonna be the least of my problems; I'm worried about the soap.
Haggard: Oh yeah; It's all squishy, you can't grab onto it-
Sarge: Will you two just shut up!
-
This Is Spinal Tap:
Nigel: The numbers all go to eleven (pointing to amplifiers). Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven, and...
Marty: Oh I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel: Exactly
Marty: Does this mean its louder, is it any louder?
Nigel: Well it's one louder isn't it? Its not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty: I don't know
Nigel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push off the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty: Put it up to eleven
Nigel: Eleven, exactly, one louder
Marty: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Marty: (pause)...These go up to eleven
-
101 Dalmatians The Series:
Cadpig: Rolly, feelings are like a table of pies , if you eat every single one eventually you're gonna puke. I'm asking you to share your pies before you toss your cookies.
Cadpig: No, look into my eyes you are terrified, you are scared out of your wits.
Cadpig: So how about those Mets?
Cadpig: I shant be clean.
-
Battlefield Bad Company (I love this game)
Redford:...We have come to bring you in.
Haggard: Bring you in!
Serdar: Just you?
Haggard: Just us.
Serdar: Four puney military?
Haggard: Four puney military!
Sarge: DAMMIT HAGGARD!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Haggard: (Looking at golf cart) What are those? Some kind of Russian military type vehicle?
Sweetwater: Yeah, real cutting edge technology Gordon; dammit.
Haggard: Cool! 'Cause they kinda look like golf carts, Sweetwater.
---------------------------------------------------------
Haggard: Can I call you Preston by the way?
Sweetwater: Well can he call you Gordon?
Haggard: Hey! No one calls me Gordon!
Sweetwatar: How about Elizabeth?
Haggard: I'll take that.
Sweetwater: Liz?
Haggard: I'll accept Liz; but you better not call me it, or I will get very angry. And you wouldn't wanna see me angry Preston.
-
Bolt: You're ridiculous! I will super-bark you out of that tree!
-
Flight of the Conchords:
Murray: So Bret, what's your song going to be about?
Bret: Mine's about epileptic dogs
Murray: Epileptic dogs? And Jemaine?
Jemaine: Mine's about dogs with epilepsy
Murray: So both of you are making songs about epileptic dogs
Jemaine: Yeah
Bret: That's right
Murray: Well either way its going to be tough. Now all the big bands, they keep their political statements on one side and their music on the other. That way they don't end up alienating half their fanbase. Like for example, if you were to write a song that was, say, anti-aids, you would be alienating all your pro-aids fans
Bret: How many people do you know are pro-aids?
Jemaine: Yeah, no one's pro-aids
Murray: Well I'm sure theres some people. (speaks on intercom) err Greg, come in here for a second (Greg enters)
Greg: Yeah?
Murray: Greg are you pro or anti aids?
Greg: ...Uhh, anti
Murray: Ok, thats one for anti, Greg could you go around a take a quick survey as to who's anti-aids?
Greg: Ok. (shouts out to the hallway) anyone anti-aids?
-
BF: Bad Company (Again)
Haggard: Hey Sweetwater, you keeping an eye out for those trucks?
Sweetwater: You know that greed is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, right?
Redford: So is killing people.
Sweetwater: Uh, no; actually you're thining about the Ten Commandments. The Seven Deadly Sins are: Greed, Lust, Wrath-
Redford: Sweetwater... just shut up.
Sweetwater: Absolutely Sarge.
-
Family Guy
Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.
:lol
-
Left 4 Dead
Louis: These tunnels should take us back outside and towards the town.
Francis: And how the hell would you know that?
Louis: Interesting true story: In 1975, the local township-
Francis: You know, I just realized I don't care.
-
They Live
I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick A$$, and I'm all out of gum :lol
-
Kung Fu Panda
May not be 100% correct
Mantis: It's hard to find your nerve points underneath all of this-
Po: Fat?
Mantis: Fur. I was going to say fur.
Po: Sure you were...
-
"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government"
monty python rules
-
From the new Del Taco ad.
Shrimp for brains!
-
Left 4 Dead
Zoey: So, do you guys think one day, all of this will end?
Bill: I'll see peace on Earth even if I have to murder every last one of these animals with my bare hands!
Louis: That's what I'm talking about!
Francis: Damn straight!
(Gets me pumped every time I hear it) :lol
-
Dinosaucers (forgot which episode, & the exact line)
Genghis Rex to his Tyranno underling Ankylo: "Use the brain not in your tail."
-
A couple of quotes from "Liar Liar" :P:
About Mr. Allen:
Miranda: "Well, what do you think of him?"
Fletcher: "He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious b******, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking."
(A moment passes and Mr. Allen starts laughing. The other board members follow his lead and start laughing also.)
Mr. Allen: "That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard! You're a real card, Reede! I love a good roast! Do Simmons!"
Fletcher: "Simmons is old! He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his wife! You've met her at the Christmas parties! She's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard! And you, Tom! You're the biggest brownnose I've ever seen! You've got your head so far up Mr. Allen's a**, I can't tell where you end and he begins!"
Mr. Allen: (roaring with laughter) "Priceless!"
(Fletcher continues with every member)
Fletcher: "You have bad breath caused by gingivitis! You couldn't get a porn star off! Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway! I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime! Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! S***!"
Mr. Allen: "I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence!"
Fletcher: "Good! I'll see you later, d***head!"
And, at the tow truck joint:
Fletcher: "You scratched my car!"
Motorpool Guy: "Where?"
Fletcher: (indicating with his hands) "Right there!"
Motorpool Guy: "OH... That was already there."
Fletcher: "You - -LIAR! You know what I am going to do about this?"
Motorpool Guy: "What?"
Fletcher: "Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain eight hours out of my life and you probably won't show up and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway! So what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!"
Motorpool Guy: (tossing the keys to Fletcher) "You've been here before haven't ya?"
:lol These are just too funny :lol!
-
Jim Carrey can be very funny... I especially liked the Family Guy episode where Carter (Lois' very wealthy dad) forces Peter to perform as the Fletcher character for his amusement...
-
The Simpsons
*Homer is in the bathroom, shirtless, with a face drawn on his gut*
Homer: Mr. Stomach, are you hungry? (Makes gut "talk") I'm always hungry; now make with the pizza fatso! (Homer chuckles to himself) You're the stomach...
*He makes it look like his gut is biting a slice of pizza. He then turns around and sees that Bart has been watching him the whole time. He puts the slice of pizza down and walks over to Bart*
Homer: ...I have to do this for work.
*Closes door*
:lol :lol Absolute favorite Homer Simpson moment :lol :lol
-
Kung Fu Panda
*Po has just served soup to the Furious Five*
Mantis: This is really good!
Po: Oh no. You should try my dad's Secret Ingredient Soup. He... actually knows the secret ingredient...
Viper: What are you talking about? This is amazing!
Crane: Yeah, you're a really great cook.
Mantis: I wish my mouth was bigger!
Monkey: Tigress, you've got to try this.
Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can survive months at a time living off of nothing but the dew of a single ginko leaf; and the energy of the Universe.
Po: ...I guess my body doesn't know it's the Dragon Warrior yet. I'm gonna need a lot more than dew, and Universe juice...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Po: Wow, the Furious Five! You're so much bigger than your action figures. Except for you Mantis, you're about the same.
Mantis: ... <_< ...
-
*Rush Hour 3*
Carter: "Way to go, Crouching Tiger! Whip out that hidden dragon!" :lol
-
The Simpsons
*Homer is going downhill on a pair of skis. He tries to remember what to do in a situation like this...*
Ski Instructor (In thoughts): If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is-
Ned Flanders (In thoughts, wearing a skin tight ski suit): It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!
*Homer snaps out of it*
Homer: Guh!!!! Stupid sexy Flanders!
LMAO :lol
-
A quote from Nostalgia Critic's review of Godzilla: "Woah a lighter i've seen giant radioactive lizards the size of the kingdome but a lighter? That gets my attention.'
-
From an episode of "House" that I resaw today:
Cameron - "You din't got shoot for being in pain! You got shoot for being an idiot."
House - "Some think the two are connected"
:lol
-
Red vs Blue: You Had Me at Halo
Grif: Apparently he's (Caboose) upset because it's Valentine's Day.
Simmons: It's what?
Grif: Valentine's Day... Valentine's Day? The day we celebrate love? And romance? You know, girls?
Simmons: Oh, oh- oh yeah, right, yeah, duh, I totally know about that day. I celebrate that day all the time. With all kinds of ladies.
Grif: You don't have to try and impress me.
Simmons: Oh you just don't know any of them and uh, I didn't talk about it because you know, that wouldn't be cool.
Grif: Yeah I'm sure. So why didn't you know what Valentine's Day was?
Simmons: Oh I just didn't understand what you said.
Grif: Well what'd you think I said?
Simmons: Valentine's... doy?
Grif: Ah yeah, I can see how that would throw you off.
-
Here's one from Animaniacs
Pilgrim: "Give me the bird,'
Yakko: "We'd love to really but the Fox censors won't allow it,'
-
"The Lion King"
Zazu: "Let me out! Let me out!"
Timon: "Let me in! Let me in!"
*Timon runs inside the cage*
Timon (begging): "Please don't eat me!"
Pumbaa: "Drop 'em!"
Banzai: "Hey, who's the pig?"
Pumbaa: "Are you talking to me?"
Timon: "Uh, oh. They called him a pig."
Pumbaa: "Are you talking to ME?"
Timon: "Ya shouldn't have done that."
Pumbaa: "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!"
Timon: "Now they're in for it."
Pumbaa: "THEY CALLED ME MIIIIISTER PIIIIIG! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
:lol :lol
-
The Simpsons Movie
*Homer, dressed in a hotel door man uniform, approaches a guard*
Homer: Ten-hut! At ease! I'm General... Merriot Suites. And I have an urgent note from the President. *Hands note to guard* It says to release this town immidietly.
Guard: Why is it written on a leaf?
Homer: ...
*Homer punches guard in the face, knocking him out*
-
around the end of Kill Bill Vol.2
The Bride: You know, five years ago, if I had to make a list of impossible things that would never happen, you performing a coup de grace on me, by busting a cap in my crown, would have been right at the top of the list. But I'd be wrong, wouldn't I?
Bill: [slightly drunk] ... I'm sorry, was that a question? Of impossible things that could never happen, in this case, yes, you would have been wrong.
The Bride: Well?
Bill: When you didn't come back, I naturally assumed that Lisa Wong or somebody else had killed you. Oh, and for the record, letting someone think that someone they love is dead when they're not is quite cruel. I mourned you for three months. And in the third month of mourning you, I tracked you down. Now, I wasn't trying to track you down. I was trying to track down the f**king a**holes who I thought killed you. So, I find you. And what do I find? Not only are you not dead, you're getting married, to some f**king jerk, and you're pregnant. I... overreacted.
[long pause]
The Bride: You overreacted?
-
The Simpsons
Bart: According to Creationism, there were no cavemen.
Homer: Good riddance. Their drawings sucked and they looked like hippies.
Lisa: Dad, you're not really reconsidering evolution; are you?
Homer: My mind is always open to new ideas... *looks down at dinner plater* Onions? In the peas? WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?! *Throws plate away*
-
Caddyshack
hey doll, want to earn 14 bucks the hard way? :lol:
-
"Home Alone 2"
Johnny: "I knew it was you. I could smell ya gettin' off the elevator!"
Johnny (after he's blown someone away): "Merry Christmas you filthy animal!" *Fires more shots* "And a happy New Year!" *BANG!*
The scene where Kevin pranks the hotel staff with the film is priceless! :lol :lol
-
Kung Fu Panda
*Master Shifu has just walked in on Po, who has pratically destroyed the kitchen with kung fu*
Po: ...What?! I eat when I'm upset okay?!
Shifu: ...Oh no need to explain. I just thought you were Monkey. He always hides his almond cookies on the top shelf.
*He walks into the hallway and hears Po climbing the shelves. When he walks back in, he sees Po doing a perfect split on the top shelf and eating away at the cookies. Po finally notices Master Shifu*
Po: ...Don't tell Monkey.
Shifu: Look at you!
Po: Yeah I know: I disgust you...
Shifu: No I mean, how did you get up there?
Po: I- uh... I don't know. I was just getting a cookie.
Shifu: And yet you are ten feet off the ground... and have done a perfect split!
Po: What, this? Oh no. This was just an- *Shelves begin to give away* accident...
*Po falls to the floor*
-
I've got plenty of potential submissions for this thread, but I'll start with this one from The Three Stooges short “Oily To Bed, Oily To Rise”:
The situation is that the stooges (Moe, Larry, and Curly) are trying to earn a meal by sawing wood for a farmer, but after inadvertently running the saw over Curly’s cast-iron head, the teeth are bent completely out of shape, leaving the stooges unable to cut anything until they have repaired the saw; a task which Moe assigns to Curly:
Moe: You’re gonna fix that saw, you half-brother to a weasel!
Curly: Listen, you! On behalf of the weasel, I resent that!
:lol :lol :lol
-
A couple more Stooge quotes from that same short:
(The stooges are relaxedly cruising in a car that is headed towards the edge of a cliff:)
Curly: Hey, don’t look now, but I think we’re about to be killed!
(Moments later, after swerving to narrowly avoid going over the cliff:)
Moe (to Larry, the driver): Ya know, if I wasn’t so weak from hunger I’d bat your brains out if ya had brains!
-
Master Chief :Halt!
Brute : Sorry we don't take MasterCard!
-
The Simpsons
Homer: You like it Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something on the lines of "No TV and No Beer Make Homer-" something something...
Marge: Go crazy...?
Homer: Don't mind if I do! *Screams crazily*
-
*We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story*
Woog (to Rex): "Do you want a hotdog? I mean DO YOU WANT A HOT-DOG?"
*Rex sniffs, hotdog gets stuck in his nostril*
Woog: "Is it good?"
*Rex plucks hotdog from his nostril*
Woog: "He wants a hotdog. How many is that today, Dweeb?"
Dweeb: "Two hundred and fifty! And that's with everything!"
(Jeez, I can't barely handle two hotdogs. The thought of 250 makes me sick :x!)
Another one...
Elsa: "We all have regrets, Rex."
Woog: "Tell me about it. The things I've stepped on."
*Lifts foot, revealing squashed lizard, then hides his foot*
Woog (nervously): "Hee hee hee!"
-
Ghostbusters
Ray: Venkman! Are you alright? What happened?
Venkman: He slimed me.
Ray: That's great, actual physical contact! Can you move?
Spengler (over radio): Come in Ray. What's going on up there?
Venkman: I feel so funky...
Ray: Spengler, I'm with Venkman; he got slimed!
Spengler: That's great Ray! Save some for me!
-
Goldmember...
"Lower the Globe"
and
"Release the Meteor"
Need I say more?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydtEzL1Bp5o (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydtEzL1Bp5o)
-
Family Guy
Peter: Quagmire, check it out. I took ten M-80s and stuck 'em all together. I call it "Peter Griffin's Bunker Bustin' Mega Ultra Super-
BOOM!!!!
Peter: AAHH! HOLY CRAP!!!!
*Everyone but Stewie screams*
Lois: Oh my God; you blew off all of your fingers!
Joe: What happened...? OH MY GOD!!!
Stewie: You know, no huge hurry, but I'm sorta out of juice. *Taps plastic cup* Bone dry.
:lol :lol
-
Family Guy
Tom Tucker: How's the weather Ollie?
Ollie Williams: It's rainin' side-ways!
Tom Tucker: Sounds rough Ollie. Do you have an umbrella?
Ollie Williams: Had one!
Tom Tucker: Where is it?
Ollie Williams: Inside-out two miles away!
Tom Tucker: Is there anything we can do for you?
Ollie Williams: Bring me some soup!
Tom Tucker: What kind?
Ollie Williams: CHUNKY!!!!
Tom Tucker: Alright, we'll get on that.
-
Haha, Ollie Williams! He was always awesome.
-
Spongebob:
Patrick: Hey Spongebob, where's LEAVINGBinkibottom?
Spongebob: Where did you see that?
Patrick: We just passed the sign, "You are now in leaving Binki Bottom.
xD :lol
-
Stewie's First Soda - Family Guy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqTH5ll1StI&feature=channel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqTH5ll1StI&feature=channel)
-
I've got another Three Stooges quote :smile (this one from "Dizzy Detectives"):
Moe (to Curly): Next time you handle a gun, shoot yourself in the head.
Curly: I'll make a note of it. (Takes out a pencil and a pad of paper) How do you spell 'head'?
Moe: B-O-N-E, head. (Hits Curly)
:lol :lol :lol
-
More Family Guy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzwWGPDkSqw&feature=channel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzwWGPDkSqw&feature=channel)
----------------------------
Tom Tucker: Hello, I'm Tom Tucker.
Diane Simmons: And I'm Diane Simmons. The top of the news: Quahog is suffering it's worst heat wave in centuries.
Tom Tucker: That's right Diane; we now go live to Ollie Williams with the BLACK-U-WEATHER report. How are you beating the heat Ollie?
Ollie Williams: SWIMMIN' HOLE!!!!!!
Tom Tucker: Thanks Ollie.
-
Too good to pass up...
FAMILY GUY
Brian: Okay so we roll the dice, and then we have to yell "Yahtzee" really loud.
Stewie: At the same time?
Brian: Yeah, and you have to flap your wrists like this. *Flaps wrists*
Stewie: And you'll do it too?
Brian: Of course, that's how it's done.
Stewie: Okay.
Brian: You ready?
Stewie: You gonna do it with me?
Brian: Oh yeah.
*Brian rolls dice*
Stewie: YAHTZEE!!!! *Flaps wrists at same time*
Brian: Gay.
Stewie: YOU SUCK!!!!!!
:lol :lol
-
I’ve got two more stooge quotes to share, and then I’ll move on to MythBusters:
From “Three Missing Links”:
Larry: What’d ya wake me up for?
Curly (to Larry): Ya snore like a roarin’ lion!
Larry: I do not! I stayed awake all night last night to see if I snored, and I didn’t!
:lol
...and “False Alarms” (in which the stooges are firefighters):
Fire Chief (to the stooges): You’ve dissed fires, slept through alarms, been late for duty, and broken every rule in the book. We’re through; you’re fired! And if this was the army, I’d have you shot at sunrise!
Curly: But ya couldn’t do that, cap’n! We don’t get up that early!
:lol :lol
-
The Simpsons
Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?
Homer: Washin' my fat-guy-hat honey!
-----------------------------------------------------
Gun Seller: Well you'd probably want to see the accessory kit: Holster.
Homer: Oh yeah...
Gun Seller: Bandoleer.
Homer: Baby...
Gun Seller: Silencer.
Homer: Mm-Hm...
Gun Seller: Loudener.
Homer: Aah...
Gun Seller: Speed Cocker.
Homer: Ooh! I like the sound of that.
Gun Seller: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh I don't need anything like that...yet...
-
TMNT II:
Mikey: "Ahh! Ninja pizza!"
Donnie: "Ninja pizza?"
Mikey: "Pizza that vanish quickly without trace!" :lol
--------------------
Ralph and Leo (as they charge at Foot fighters with a pole): "Step right up to the bar, boys!"
--------------------
Donnie (as he hog-ties a Foot fighter): "Yeehaw! Yeeeeeeehaw! Woooooo! Ninja Cowboy!"
TMNT III:
Kenshi (upon waking and seeing Mikey): "Ahhhh! Kappa!"
Mikey: "Kappa? Cappuchino? Love the stuff, makes me hyper!"
-
Buzzsphere
I think its a trap
Should we go?
Lets walk into the trap!
Ok!
-
Red vs Blue *Edited for language*
Simmons: You may be asking yourself 'what is fire?' If you're asking that, it's because you're an idiot. You probably also ask things like 'What am the sky?' and 'How does eat food?' Even cavemen knew what fire was.
--------------------------------------------------------
Simmons: So, what do you do if you're caught in a fire? We've assembled a quick list of tips to remember if you ever find yourself in a raging inferno.
Sarge: Step 1: panic. Any modern scientist will tell you that fire requires an oxygen environment to burn. That same scientist will also tell you that the human body expels carbon dioxide with every breath. So screaming and panicking will rob the flame of its vital nutrients, thus putting it out.
-------------------------------------------------------
Sarge: One of the largest fires in American history was at an old girls' private school. But the flames were extinguished when that dude from Twilight showed up.
-
luigi: Eh, tell 'im I wanna root beer float :lol
Adventures Of Super Mario Bros 3 Up, Up, And A Koopa
-
Family Guy -Boat Race Scene
Carter: Loser!!
Peter: What did he say?
*Carter tosses to Peter a cell phone, then calls him*
Peter: Hello?
Carter: I said you're a loser.
Peter: ...Who is this?
-
Kenny Everett: (Old British Comedian, Now Dead :cry . Look him up)
THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN KREMMEN!
Carla: What are you doing, Captain?
Kremmen: Well, my little cosmic cutie-pie, I'm completing this I.Q. test for the Advanced Space Technology Course. Here's a tricky little question. "If it takes five men fifteen hours to build a brick wall, how long would it take ten men?"
Carla: To do what, captain?
Kremmen: To build the wall, Carla.
Carla: What wall is that, captain?
Kremmen: The brick wall.
Carla: But isn't the wall already built, captain?
Kremmen: How do you mean?
Carla: But I thought you said that the five men already built the wall?
Kremmen: They did, Carla, but now ten men are gonna build it.
Carla: I don't get it, are the ten men going to build another wall?
Kremmen: No, Carla, it's the same wall.
Carla: Well, why would they want to do that? Didn't they like the way the five men built the wall?
Kremmen: Carla, this is a hypothetical wall.
Carla: You said it was brick!
Kremmen: It IS brick, you stupid space-nymph! What we're trying to find out is if it took five men fifteen hours to build a wall, how long would it take ten men?"
Carla: Well, what were the ten men doing when the five men were building the wall in the first place? I mean, why didn't they help build the whole thing, it could have been done in no time!
Kremmen: Carla, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall!
Carla: Which wall is that, captain?
-
from Back To The Future:
*Marty Mcfly appears in George Mcfly's(young) room dressed in a radiation suit and plays Van Helen music to wake him up*
George Mcfly: Who are you?
Marty(in radiation suit):*plays Van Helen music again* Silence earthling, my name is Darth Vader,I'm an extraterrestril from the planet Fulcon(not Falcon).
George looks at a sci fi magazine and sees that the character on the cover looks just like the "Darth Vader" character standing in front of him, I've gotta say this has to be the best Star Wars referance in a film. :lol
-
Kung Fu Panda
*After the Five return to the palace defeated by Tai Lung*
Tigress: We thought we could stop him...
Shifu: He could have killed you!
Mantis: Why didn't he?
Shifu: So then he could send you back here and strike fear into our hearts. But it won't work!
Po: Uh... it might. I mean, you know... a little. I mean I'm kinda scared...
-
Ooh, ooh! I've got some!
"Big Daddy"
Julian (during court): "He taught me to pee on a building and that Styx is the greatest band in the world and they only got a bad rep because most critics are cynical a**holes."
and
Delivery Guy (during English lessons): "Fish? Pony? Hip? Hip-hop? Hiphopanonymous? Damn you! You give him the easy ones!" :lol
-
From Up:
Russel: *about Dug* Can we keep him, please, please, please!?
Carl: No
Russel: But he's a talking dog!
From Night at the Museum 2:
Kamunrah: *after the Birdmen retreat back into the Underworld* Well, this is awkward.....
Ivan the Terrible: What now?
Kamunrah: You know, I'm not quite sure, I suppose we should start by watching him die *in regards to Larry*
Amelia: Admit it, you haven't been able to take your cheaters off my chassis since we met
Larry: I literally did not understand a single word you just said
-
Brutal Legend
Eddie: Bring on the impalement.
---------------
Eddie: Do you ever wish you could go back to when the music was... real?
Roadie: Like the 70's?
Eddie: Earlier, like the... Early 70's.
--------------------
Eddie: I think I read somewhere that killing nuns was bad luck. I better get out of here.
-
Up
Young Ellie: I'm going to South America, it's like America, but south
Chowder
Mung Daal: *after Chowder had put poison into his Burple Nurples* Why did I even keep the poison in there? *sees giant rat walk on by* Oh, that's why
---
Chowder: Pepper spray? That sounds delicious *is sprayed in the face with Peper spray* I was wrong! I was horribly, horribly wrong!
-
Animaniacs
(Wakko is the only one playing Bingo)
Scratchinsniff: Oh nein!
Wakko: O-9? BINGO!
-
From TMNT I:
Raphael (while chasing Casey Jones): Get back here! I'm not finished with you!"
*Shot of NYC shows on screen*
Raphael's voice: "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!"
Love that scene :lol! I could forsee Cera doing that if someone pisses her off and she can't catch 'em :DD.
-
Austin: *to the mole* Mole! Bloody Mole! We're not suppose to talk about the bloody mole! But there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I wanna chop it off, and cut it up and make some guacamole
Austin: Nice to mole you, meet you, nice to meet you mole, don't say mole, I said mole
- Austin Powers in Goldmember
Unicorn: Charlie
Charlie: What?
Unicorn: We're on a bridge Charlie!
- Charlie the Unicorn
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Charlie: *angrily: You have a bad connection!
- Charlie the Unicorn 3
-
Was watching Enchanted last night, and I loved this quote:
Old Lady: *about Prince Edward* He was on the bus this morning, he tried to kill me
- Enchanted
-
"Saw"
Dr. Lawrence Gordon: "What's your name?"
Adam: "My name is Very *Censored* Confused! What's your name?"
-
Lewis: *returns holding a stick* I found a stick!
- The Princess and the Frog
-
hey doll, want to earn 14 bucks.. the hard way?
Caddyshack
-
Zim: As soon as we destoy Tak, I'm gonna feed your brains to my robots
Dib: Deal
Gir: Yay! Brains!
- Invader Zim
-
^ Speaking of Invader Zim
GIR: It's ME! I was the turkey all along!
Zim: I was wondering what that turkey was doing there. GIR, (don't remember)
GIR: I WAS THE TURKEY! ME!
Zim:...Yes, so you were.
Dib's dad: Not now, son, I am making...TOAST!
-
Hehe yeah, Invader Zim is awesome ^^
Zim: It seems like we've been found out, Gir, time to self destruct
Gir: Finally! *self destructs*
Gaz: Are there any video games around here?
Computer: No, not really
Gaz: *kicks it, annoyed* Fine, I guess I'll help save the Earth then
-
Mass Effect 2
*The Normandy is being boarded by the Collectors and Joker has to get to the engine room so EDI can get the ship out of there*
Joker: You mean I have to crawl through ducts again?
EDI: I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees.
Joker: ...
EDI: That was a joke.
Joker: Right...
-
Tak: The first part of my plan involves destroying your base
Zim: *as his base is being destroyed* No! My beautiful base!
Tak: The second part of my plan is...
Zim: No! My beautiful base!
Tak: Part two of my plan is....
Zim: No! My beautiful base!
Tak: Part two is...
Zim: No! My beautiful base!
Tak: Part two...
Zim: No!
Tak: *annoyed* Okay, I'm done here
Zim: But you didn't tell me the second part of your plan
*Tak just glares at Zim for a long hard second before she leaves*
- Invader Zim
-
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Buck's Best Line
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYDyRVdmCuo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYDyRVdmCuo)
-
Homer: We've got to hit him where he lives
Bart: His house?
Homer: Bingo
- The Simpsons
-
Tak: The first part of my plan involves destroying your base
Zim: *as his base is being destroyed* No! My beautiful base!
Tak: The second part of my plan is...
Zim: No! My beautiful base!
Tak: Part two of my plan is....
Zim: No! My beautiful base!
Tak: Part two is...
Zim: No! My beautiful base!
Tak: Part two...
Zim: No!
Tak: *annoyed* Okay, I'm done here
Zim: But you didn't tell me the second part of your plan
*Tak just glares at Zim for a long hard second before she leaves*
- Invader Zim
And let's not forget when he thinks she's after his bee! And then the bee flies away! "NOOOO!!!"
GIR: GIR, reporting for duty
Zim: GIR? What does the "G" stand for?
GIR:...I don't know.
(silence)
GIR: *starts hitting his head* WEEEHOOHOOHOO!
Zim: Um...is it supposed to be stupid?
Tallest Purple: Oh it's not stupid. It's advaaanced.
-
lol, indeed XD
Zim: You're after my buzzy bee aren't you!?
Gir: *after recieving pizza* *to the pizza man* I love you
Zim: Gir! Bring me another pig!
Gir: *in tears* Okay *hands over the pig* *in tears* I miss you piggy
Dib: My head's not big!
-
Here's a hilarious one from Disney's "The Hunchback of Notre Dame":
Laverne (to Quasimoto): "Don't worry, Quasi. We always thought you were the cute one."
Hugo (while eating): "I thought I was the cute one."
Laverne: "No! You're the fat, stupid one with a big mouth!"
:lol :lol
-
Napolean: I can handle this okay?
Ivan: You can handle nothing! You can barly speak you fool!
- Night at the Museum 2
-
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
-Another funny Buck Line-
Buck: The wind... it's speaking to me...
Eddie (or Crash, forgot who): Really? What's it saying?
Buck: Don't know. I don't speak Wind.
-
Hans Gruber: *reading sweatshirt* I now have a machine gun...ho ho ho
- Die Hard
Just the way he says it in his accent is awesome XD
-
Matt Farrell: You just killed a helicopter with a car!
John McClane: I was out of bullets
Lucy: *about Matt* So, did he say anything about me?
John McClane: Jesus Lucky, I'm already in enough pain....
Matt Farrell: Awww, great! There goes the cell phone.
John McClane: They knocked the satellites out of the skies, now?
Matt Farrell: No, your battery ran out
Thomas Gabriel: On your tombstone it should read, "Always in the wrong place at the wrong time".
John McClane: How about, "Yippi-kay-ay, motherfu - " *gunshot*
Matt Farrell: Do we have anything, like, resembling a plan, or anything?
John McClane: Find Lucy, kill everybody else.
Matt Farrell: I mean, more like a plan, like, a way to do that
John McClane: You know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah, blah, blah, attaboy. You get divorced. Your wife can't remember your last name. Your kids don't want to talk to you. You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me, kid, nobody wants to be that guy
- Live Free or Die Hard
-
lol, indeed XD
Zim: You're after my buzzy bee aren't you!?
Gir: *after recieving pizza* *to the pizza man* I love you
Zim: Gir! Bring me another pig!
Gir: *in tears* Okay *hands over the pig* *in tears* I miss you piggy
Dib: My head's not big!
Now that we mention the piggy
GIR: (crying) WHY PIGGY!? WHY!? I LOVED-ED YOU!
From Logan's Run (I just watched it)
Logan: CARROUSEL IS A LIE!!!
It's not supposed to be a funny line, but I find it quite quotable.
Here comes referencing it in an LBT fanart :lol
-
Patches: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball
Justin: What? *Patches throws a wrench at Justin*
Patches: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball
- Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
-
^I just watched that last night!
Red vs Blue
Sarge: *On radio* This is Blood Gulch Outpost Numb- wait... Simmons, what's the name of this new place we're in?
Simmons: Vahalla.
Sarge: Vahallagangelcallit... thingy... hello?
-
Hehe, I've got to watch the movie again myself, and Red vs Blue, nice little series indeed XD
Pirate: You're not dead
Pintel: No....he shot me *points to Barbossa*
- Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Jack Sparrow: I've got the key
Davy Jones: No you don't *shows him the key*
Jack Sparrow: Oh, that key
Jack Sparrow: *walking Scarlett and Giselle to the Black Pearl* Granted, it tends to list to port, and has been on occasion known to frighten young women. But I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
Scarlett: *seeing a dinghy instead of the Pearl* Is that it? The Black Pearl. Not very big.
Jack Sparrow: Love, that is a dinghy. My vessel is magnificent and fierce and huge-ish. And gone. Why is it gone?
Giselle: *sees a ship in distance* Is that it there?
Jack Sparrow: Yes, there it is! Why is it there?... It's much larger up close
Jack Sparrow: You know, for all that pirates are clever-called, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things.
Gibbs: *nods* Aye.
Jack Sparrow: I once sailed with a geezer lost both his arms and part of his eye.
Gibbs: What did you call him?
Jack Sparrow: *pause* Larry
- Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
-
^ AHEM!
Barbossa: (about Tia Dalma) Take this fish's wife the the brig.
Pintel: Hello, Mrs. Fish.
-
lol
Dr. Evil: Cool! You mean I actually get fricken sharks, with fricken laser beams, attatched to their fricken heads?
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen
Nigel Powers: Easy peasy, lemon-squeasy. What, is this your first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes; You try to attack me, one at a time, and I knock you both out with a single punch. Ready? Go!
*Dr. Evil's henchmen do exactly as he predicted*
Nigel Powers: Judo chop. Judo chop.
Dr. Evil: Oh, he's good.
Henchman Sailor: *approaches warily*
Nigel Powers: Do you know who I am?
Henchman Sailor: *nods*
Nigel Powers: Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?
Henchman Sailor: *nods again*
Nigel Powers: I mean, look at you. You don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
*henchman falls down*
Japanese Man 1: RUN! IT'S GODZILLA!
Japanese Man 2: It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws - it's not.
Japanese Man 1: STILL! WE SHOULD RUN LIKE IT IS GODZILLA!
Japanese Man 2: Though it isn't.
*Japanese Man 2 Winks at Camera; both scream and run away*
Austin Powers: Mole! Bloody mole! We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole! But there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole
- Austin Powers in Goldmember
-
Ahhh, the mole. Ah, Dr. Evil's so dirty with describing the submarine XD
Warning, profanity, now that we're talking about Austin Powers
Austin: This coffee smells like sh!t!
Basil: (sees where he got the 'coffee' from) It IS sh!t, Austin.
Austin: Oh, so I'm not the only one.
I support Michael York's "Eeewwww" face X3
-
Ah yes, I remember that one, lol
Austin Powers: *after destroying Britany Spears Fembot* Ooops! I did it again baby!
Steven Spielberg: So Austin, what did you think of the new movie?
Austin Powers: I can't believe Sir Steven Spielberg, the grooviest film maker around, is making a movie about me, very shagadelic baby, yeah! Having said that, I do have some thoughts
Steven Spielberg: Well my friend here, thinks it's fine the way it is *shows an oscar* (or something like that....it's a small golden man :p )
- Austin powers in Goldmember
-
That's an oscar, alright.
Anyway, hmm. My favorite quote:
From Spaceballs: Just about the entirety of the dialogue that's uttered on all the scenes that take place on the bridge of the villain's ships, actually...
-
Ah, thanks XD
Patches: Any questions?
Peter: Yeah, is this nessecary?
Patches: Nessecary? Is it nessecary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter: No
Pathes: No, but I do it anyway, because it's sterile, and I like the taste
- Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
-
Family Guy
Lois: I do have some good news... in that contract you signed, you got to keep the corporate plane!
Peter: *Gasps, then leaps up in the air* YEAH!!!!
-Pause for about five seconds with no one moving, like it's the last shot of the episode...-
Lois: ...Peter how are you doing that?
Peter: *Stuck in the air* I don't know Lois I'm scared...
Lois: Well come down.
Peter: I can't... call someone.
Lois: Well, who should I call?
Peter: I don't know; Police, fire department... scientist! Call the scientist!
Lois: Okay you kids stay here with your father I'm gonna go call the scientist! *Runs off*
Peter: ...Am I gonna die...?
-
lol, nice one XD
Carter: *to Peter who is naked* Why are you naked in my house?
Peter: Why aren't you?
Carter: *after a pause* You're alright Griffin
- Family Guy
-
Michal York on the "Logan's Run" commentary: (As we get 'flashed' by Jessica) Ooh, Jenny (Actress of Jessica), I had forgotten that shot!
-
Gun Shop Owner: *trying to take gun off Homer* Sorry, but the law requires a 5 day waiting period, we've got to run a background check
Homer: 5 days? But I'm mad now! *gun is taken off him* I'd kill you if I had my gun
Gun Shop Owner: Yeah, well, you don't
- The Simpsons
-
-South Park-
Cartman: Stan don't you know anything about physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.
-
From Arby n' the Chief (a Halo 3 machinima):
Master Chief (after joining an online match in Halo 3): "omg, stupid f***ing snowbound. <_< veto dis s*** you a**hole! :anger (speaking very fast) goddammit every1 press x dis map is f***ing gay if u dun press x it means ur gay f***ing press x u f**g**s press it mother****** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f***!!!"
(excuse the poor spelling and the profanity overboard lol, but that's really how it went :p :p)
-
Perhaps not exactly humorus but I do love these quotes:
In season eight of the Simpsons there is an episode called ''The secret war of Lisa Simpson'', where she joins the army after Bart get's into trouble and needs severe discipline that the Simpsons take him to Military school to hopefully put some discipline in him (at least).
The quote comes about when the family tricks Bart into believing he's going to Disneyland instead:
''Military school! You lied to me!"-Bart
"Well, I'm sorry if you heard disney land but I distictively said Military school."-Homer.
:lol:
-
Stan Lee: *trying to get into a wedding* I should be on that list, I'm Stan Lee
Receptionist: Yeah, nice try
Stan Lee: No really, I'm Stan Lee *is escorted out*
- Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
-
Ace Combat 4 Shattered Skies
RADIO FAILURE! :lol :lol :lol :lol
-
Mass Effect 2
Shepard: I assume everything is going well up here?
*Joking around with Joker and EDI*
Joker: We're just having an argument over personalization of the work space.
EDI: Cerberus regulations are clear Mr. Monroe: Personalization does not include grease on my bridge cameras.
Joker: It's just mad that all of it's footage of me looks like a dream sequence.
---------------------------------
Joker: It was... until this thing started questioning my every move... it won't let anything slide.
EDI: You were deliberately falsifying maintenance reports Mr. Monroe.
Joker: Not falsifying, tweaking. I always wound up on task times, just making me look good when we come under.
Shepard: Harmless self promotion. EDI can ease off on that.
EDI: Very well Shepard.
Joker: Yeah, go power. I win.
Shepard: Joker...
Joker: Right, right. No hard feelings, good game.
-
Phil Ken Sebben: I can build that house by the lake and run around naked all day, ha ha ha, dangly parts
- Harvey Birdman: Atourney at Law
-
Tony Hawk's Underground (XBox game):
Story Mode character (to grumpy fat security guard): "What's your problem, Bacon Bits? Wake up on the wrong side of your mother this morning?" :lol
AND
Guest Character in Moscow (to SM character as they're about to clear a castle wall): "Oh, yeah. Don't get shot."
Bam Margera (watching tanks drive by after the stunt): "Ohhh, tanks!"
Tony Hawk's Underground 2 (XBox game):
Bam Margera (after two drunk guys pulling him on a skateboard crash into some bushes): "Whadaya know?! My BMW! My Boozed-up Moron Wagon!"
-
Little Sister: Mr. B! Mr. B! Big Sister doesn't want me playing with you anymore....
- BioShock 2
Chowder: Pepper spray? That sounds delicious! *is sprayed in the face with pepper spray* I was wrong! I was horribly wrong!
Mung Daal: What does your gutt say?
Chowder: My gutt huh? *pulls his shirt up*
Chowder's Gutt: Cake!
- Chowder
Chief Wiggum: I'd like to put out an APB on a male suspect, driving a....car of some sort, heading in the direction of.....you know, that place that sells the chili, suspect is hatless! I repeat, hatless!
Chief Wiggum: *pulling over Homer who had been speeding* Alright Simpson, where's the fire? *Homer points to police station which is on fire*
Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murder of Mr. Burns
Homer: D'oh!
Chief Wiggum: That's what they all say, they all say d'oh
- The Simpsons
-
Mass Effect 2
Shepard: So, how did you manage to tick off every major merc gang in the Terminus Systems?
Garrus: It wasn't easy... I really had to work at it.
-
Bender: *trying to make himself sound cheaper* I'll do it for $499 and 100 cents
- Futurama
King Neptune: And as for you, be back with my crown in exactly 10 days
Partick: He can do it in 9!
King Neptune: 8
Patrick: 7
King Neptune: 6
*Krabs and SpongeBob tackle Patrick*
King Neptune: 6 it is then
Patrick: *whilst being choked* 5...
SpongeBob: Patrick shush!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no, how will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
David Hasselhoff: I can take you there.
*Hasselhoff comes running up in slow motion*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, uh, where's your boat?
David Hasselhoff: Boat? *laughs*
- The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
-
From "Captain Price Plays Halo 3" (a Halo 3 machinima)...
Captain Price: Take control of the predator drone.
Halo 3 player: What's that? :huh:
Captain Price: Predator drone.
Halo 3 player: We've never heard of that. :confused
Captain Price: We need a predator!
Halo 3 player: DUDE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS! :o
-
Mass Effect 2
*Garrus was injured during the mission to recruit him*
Shepard: Hell Garrus you've always been ugly. Just slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice.
Garrus: *Laughs, then winces in pain* Don't make me laugh Shepard my face is barely holding together as it is.
-
Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a mintue, we're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville, just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
- The Simpsons
-
Robot Chicken
*Boba Fett has returned from the grave to go on a rampage on those annoying Ewoks*
Boba: Oh ho ho ho! Boba's got himself a lightsaber now! Ho-ho-ho! Make it two! *Pulls out second lightsaber* Ooh, red and blue. Put 'em together and what does it make? PURPLE RAIN!!!!!!
:lol
-
This is one of the few genuinely funny lines from Twilight Valley:
Strut: *After kicking Ozzie in the groin* I hope you don't need that.
---------
This is is from my Darwin's Soldiers story Fool's Gold:
Dr. Kerzach: *After disabling his assailant with by spraying lubricant in his face* Wear your goggles.
-
Mass Effect 2
Shepard: How are you getting along with Joker?
EDI: Mr. Monroe does not trust me. It offends him that I am installed aboard "his" ship's computers.
Joker: Yeah well the old Normandy was much better without an AI reminding me that the airlock is ajar.
-
This is one of the few genuinely funny lines from Twilight Valley:
Strut: *After kicking Ozzie in the groin* I hope you don't need that.
---------
This is is from my Darwin's Soldiers story Fool's Gold:
Dr. Kerzach: *After disabling his assailant with by spraying lubricant in his face* Wear your goggles.
Just wanted to let you know that, since those quotes are from written fanfics, those quotes (and any others you've got) should probably go in this topic: http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...?showtopic=3966 (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=3769)
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Okay this one's technically not a "quote", but I just thought it's funny. :lol
From Call of Duty 4 (during the 'All Ghillied Up' mission)...
(MacMillan spots a Russian guard ahead...)
Captain MacMillan: Oi! Suzy! *knifes down the guard from behind*
-
*From DBZ Abridged*
Bulma: Namek? Well there's a planet I've never heard of.
Mr. Popo: Oh, would you look at that: a woman who doesn't know any better. What're the odds?
Krillin: To be fair, Mr. Popo, I've never heard of that planet either.
Mr. Popo: Oh, would you look at that: A woman who doesn't know any better.
Krillin: I-I...Dammit...walked right into that one...
First time I heard that, I just bust out laughing!
-
Nostalgia Critic: (on the Star Wars: Holiday Special review) Help me, Santa! Help me, Christ! Help me...SANTA CHRIST!!!
-
(NC's old vs new review of lord of the rings)
Nostalgia Critic: By the way, how does that work? If the sword wound works its way to his heart he becomes one of the Black Riders?
Bakshi Frodo: Would I have...?
Bakshi Gandalf: You would have become like them...one of the Ringwraiths.
Nostalgia Critic: Wouldn't that be a little...um...awkward? I mean, I don't think they'd look as intimidating if a little guy in a cloak was running around.
Jackson Ringwraith: [speech balloon] Dude, he's gonna ruin our image!
Nostalgia Critic: Eeh, maybe they'd just give him a desk job.
Ringwraith Desk Jockey: I do hate Mondays.
-
Sheldon: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock. It's very simple. Look -- scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Raj: *pauses* Okay. I think I got it.
- The Big Bang Theory
-
Peter Sir I suspect you're on drugs and I have to do a full cavity search drop your pants. Uh Peter you dont have to pull your pants down, Uh sorry Im still learning :lol :lol
Family Guy- Cavity Search
-
Mass Effect 2
Garrus' rant about "Reach and Flexibility."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyAGo_k5MiI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyAGo_k5MiI)
-
SpongeBob: Horray! Your wife exploded!
- SpongeBob SquarePants
-
I have no idea what the villains names in The Last Remake of Beau Geste are...so
"Roy Kinnear": (about the Blue Water Diamond) I've searched everywhere, so it must be elsewhere. But I don't know where elsewhere is.
Main Villain: His private quarters
"Roy Kinnear":...I'm not touching those again
(earlier, "Roy Kinnear" tried to search Beau (Michael York) for the Blue Water Diamond in the showers and well..."Um...I was looking for the soap" :lol )
Beau (chasing the army as they run from the fort): WAIT FOR ME! WAIT FOR ME! I'M YOUR LEADER! HOW CAN I LEAD IF YOU WON'T WAIT FOR ME!?
(It's mostly the way he said it that's so funny)
Boy can I see Pterano doing that XD
-
Mass Effect 2
Dealing with a Volus who claims a Quarian stole his credit chit (a wallet basically).
Shepard: How does running into you mean she stole your credit chit?
Volus: That's how pick pockets work: They bump into you and use it as a cover for rifling your pockets. You can't turn your back on these clanless Quarians. Thieves, all of them.
Tali: Quarians are only forced to steal when people like you won't let them have real jobs.
Volus: And to think that my taxes pay to support you here. Go back to your fleet clanless.
Tali: I am clan Zorah, crew of the starship Neema. And you, are an idiot.
Shepard: It's not worth getting angry about.
Tali: My brain agrees with you. My gut says I should jack his suits olfactory filters so that everything smells like refuse.
Garrus: Remind me never to get on your bad-side.
-
Call Of Duty 4 (again):
SAS #1: We're going deep, and we're going hard.
SAS #2: Surely you can't be serious. :o
SAS #1: I'm serious... and don't call me "shirley". :p
XD
-
God of War III
Hephasteus: I thought you would've died by now
Kratos: I thought you would've escaped by now
Not 100% sure on what Hephesteus says, but it's something along those lines anyway, I just love Kratos' comeback regardless :lol:
-
Bad Company 2
Redford: Hags, come on now. If you leave, no more t-bone steaks man.
Preston: Yeah, no more buying AR-15 ammo at the mall.
Sweetwater: No more shooting trespasser off your front yard.
Redford: No more biscuits and gravy.
Sweetwater: No more Super Bowl Sundays... no more Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders...
Haggard: ...Oh man that tears it. Get outta the way! I gotta save me some cheerleaders!
-
(In JitteryDragon's LBT Youtube poops)
Cera: What are you doing here?
Pterano: Migrating, naturally, like the others out there in the field. Boldly searching an unforgiving wasteland to find a more hospitable wasteland to call home!
Cera: Well you'll find it here.
*shot from the ruins of the Valley in V)
I tell you, I crack up thinking about it.
Pterano: don't you recognize your dear old uncle?
Petrie:...MAMA LUGIGI!!!
Pterano: ...
Robotnic: NO!!!
-
Bad Company 2
Haggard: Here we are in South America. All special operation stuff... still blowin' up barrels.
Sweetwater: So what would you rather be doing?
Haggard: Just saying, rescuing hostages... doin' slow motion weapons kills on terrorists... telling people to "get off my plane"...
Sweetwater: ...You wanna be Harrison Ford in "Air Force One"?
Haggard: Would you?
Sweetwater: No, you gotta be Indiana Jones man!
Haggard: I like Harrison Ford better.
Sweetwater: But that WAS Harrison Ford.
Haggard: Oh, uh... yeah.
-
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Sir Belvedere: What do you burn apart from witches?
Peasent: More witches!
Sir Belvedere: And how do we know that she is made out of wood?
Peasent: Build a bridge out of her!
Peasent: She turned me into a newt!
Sir Belvedere: A newt?
Peasent: *slight pause* I got better....
-
The 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTiAS7cdsYc&feature=channel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTiAS7cdsYc&feature=channel)
-
Mercanries 2: World in Flamces
Ewen: *to you, the Player* Hi boss, just hanging out, waiting for your calls....please don't shoot me
-
From Star Trek:First Contact
Zefram Cochrane (moves to leave): Hang on, I gotta take a leak...
Geordi LaForge (looks arounds, confused): Leak? I'm not detecting any leak...
Cochrane (turns around, stupefied): Don't you people from the 24th century ever pee?
-
SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick: *thinking someone's punched SpongeBob in the eye* We'll settle this like men! We'll sue him!
-
Mass Effect 2
*More fun with Joker and EDI*
Shepard: I assume everything is going well up here?
Joker: Shhissaashissashh...
Shepard: Joker?
Joker: I can tell when it's listening...
EDI: I'm ALWAYS listening Mr. Moreau
Joker: I know...!
-
From Michael York's Autobiography: Accidentally on Purpose.
This is describing the first time he met his wife, Pat McCallum (who, for the Star Wars fans, is the mother of Rick MaCullum. Yeep. Michael York's his step-daddy!). Pat was interviewing him for the Glammor magazine.
We drank tea and chatted. As Lear would have liked, her voice was soft and low. Assuaging my Henry Higgens-like curiosity over her unusual vowels, she explained that she was an American born in Jamaica, brought up in Germany, and schooled in England at a French Convent
That certainly would result in a very unusual accident. I feel so sorry for the poor woman later on, though. She spends a heck of a lot of time in hospitals for some reason or another (the incidents before The Guru (between their engagement and before their wedding) and The Last Remake of Beau Geste are huge biggies)
-
From a "300" YouTube Poop made by Mark3611:
Persian: NINE thousand nations of the Persian empire, descend upon you! Our arrows will blot out the sun!
Stelios: Then we will fight in the shade.
Persian: Our arrows will blot out the shade!
Stelios: Then we will fight in the s***.
King Leonidas: Take from them nothing! But give them SPARTAAAAA!!!!
King Leonidas: By Spartan law, we will STAND, and FIGHT, and EAT SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-GHETTI!!!
Oh gawd, that's the most priceless YTP ever. :lol
-
Secret of NIMH 2:
Young master Brisby
-
From "Rocks Fall and Everybody Dies" YTP
Petrie: How come you not play?
Littlefoot: Aww, I'm still thinking about s3x.
Petrie: D8 ! Um...Petrie not want to think about it 8| . Spoooky
Pterano: NONSENSE!
-
Mass Effect 2
*Garrus and Tali back on the Citadel*
Garrus: Do you ever miss those talks we had on those elevators?
Tali: No.
Garrus: Come on... remember how we'd all ask you about your life on the Flotilla? It was a great opportunity to share.
Tali: This conversation is over.
Garrus: Tell me again about your immune system.
Tali: I have a shotgun...
Garrus: Maybe we'll talk later...
-
I did not care too much for the film "Antz", but there's this scene that I still remember finding hilarious.
*Scene with flies eating...well...what they normally eat :x*
Fly 1: "Hey! Tastes like crap!"
Fly 2: "Lemme see!"
*Fly 2 tries crap*
Fly 2: "It IS crap!"
:lol
-
Alive in Wonderland (2010 film)
March Hare: You are late for tea! *throws cup at Naive*
-
The Simpsons
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBoL_UgK-N8 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBoL_UgK-N8)
-
From "Tarzan"
Clayton: Where are the gorillas?
*Tarzan pulls Clayton's mustache*
Clayton: GO-RIL-AS!
Tarzan: GO-RIL-AS!
Jane: Shouting won't help, Mr. Clayton, he doesn't understand.
Clayton: (Forgot) If I can teach a parrot to sing "God Save the Queen", I can teach this savage to tell us how to find the gorillas (?) *draws a cartoon gorilla on the blackboard* Gorilla!
Tarzan: (Holding the chalk) Gorilla!
Porter: He's got it!
Tarzan: Gorillia *climbs onto the chalkboard and scibbles on it* Go-rrrilllla!
Porter: Oh...maybe he hasn't
Clayton: *takes away the chalk* No! No! No!
Tarzan: NO! NO! NO! NO!
They start fighting over the chalk
Jane: *takes away the chalk* Maybe I should handle this.
Their fight later was so much more manly :lol
-
The Simpsons
Marge: Homer, I can hear you eating your pillow. What's wrong?
Homer: I saw Bart wearing a Hawaiian shirt today.
Marge: So...?
Homer: Marge, we both know that there are only two types of men who wear Hawaiian shirts: Gay Guys and Big Party Animals. And Bart doesn't look like a Big Party Animal...
-
From The "Brave Little Toaster"
Radio: Things could be worse, you know
Lampy: How?
Radio: How what?
Lampy: How could they be worse?
Radio: They couldn't. I lied.
Radio: We apologize for the interruption, we now return to our regularly scheduled program.
Kirby: He's not coming back!
Lampy: He might! The fact is, there's just not enough facts!
Radio: (Humming "Taps")
Lampy and Blanket: (Crying)
Toaster: STOP IT!
Radio: Why, if only we were all weiner dogs, our problems would be solved!
Toaster: What?!
Radio: Or maybe it was a basset hound?
Kirby: You're all insane! *backs off*
Radio: We're trapped! Trapped like small little rats with no hair and one leg!
Radio: Listen to this! The lamp was awarded with a purple heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery!
Let me find some of Radio's "Teddy Roosevelt" comments/commentaries and I'll be right back!
-
From the Left 4 Dead 2 "The Passing" promo...
Rochelle: I hate those stairs!
Francis: I know!
Rochelle: I hate that bridge!
Francis: It's SO stupid!
Rochelle: I hate your vest!
Francis: ...what, now? *sigh* I don't think this is gonna work out.
-
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
The Slinky Scene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltwxC19s5u8&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltwxC19s5u8&feature=related)
-
The Brave Little Toaster continued.
Lampy: I've got a good mind to reset your alarm! PERMANENTLY!
Radio: Sorry folks, there seems to be a little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle (dodges Lampy as he tries to jump on him, then lands on the bed) This just in, domestic bedroom violence breaks out in peaceful woodland cottage!
Woaaaah, that sounded so weird XD
-
The Simpsons
*After discovering the truth about Homer and Mr. Sparkle*
Homer: Well, it was a fun ride while it lasted. Come on kids, let's go home.
Lisa: But we ARE home.
Homer: That was fast.
-
Aladdin
Guard: *sees Abu swinging a sword around, sounding frightened* He's got a sword!
Razoul: You idiots! We've all got swords! *pulls out sword as do the other guards*
The Lion King
Banzai: Yeah, we'll be prepared....for what?
Scar: For the death of the king!
Banzai: Why? Is he sick?
Scar: No fool, we're going to kill him....and Simba too
Shenzai: Great idea! Who needs a king? No king, no king, la la la la la!
Scar: You idiots! There will be a king!
Banzai: Hey! But you said....
Scar: I will be king! Stick with me and you will never go hungry again!
-
Total Recall
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You think this is the real Quaid? It is!" Turns and fires gun.
Classic Arnold quote :lol
-
Red vs Blue Revelation
*Simmons and Doc are discussing how they should attack the Meta*
Simmons: Okay Doc, now 's our chance. Hit him with an overcharge. It should overload at least one of his systems.
Doc: Uh... you do it.
Simmons: What? Me? I don't even know how to fire that thing!
Doc: Just pull the trigger and let go; it's super easy.
Simmons: No no, you're trained with it. You should do it. Go!
Doc: What if I miss? What if it doesn't do anything but make him mad? I already made him mad once and that didn't work out very well.
Simmons: Well... then... we'll improvise.
Doc: I don't feel entirely comfortable with that answer...
*Explosion in the distance*
Doc: What the heck was that?
Simmons: Uh oh. I have a bad feeling that someone just caused them (Washington and The Meta) some trouble...!
*The Meta turns to face Doc and Simmons, then charges Doc*
Simmons: Oh no! Improvise! IMPROVISE!!!
-
Well, it took eight months, but I’m back with some MythBusters quotes like I promised (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=3506&view=findpost&p=9132238)! :p
First, a couple one-liners from Jamie that I personally consider classics: :lol
Jamie: When in doubt...C-4!
Jamie: Three...two...one...buh-bye! (hits detonator; car blows up)
Next, two quotes from an episode in which they tested whether a slap to the face grants a drunken person slapping a drunken person sobriety:
Adam: I’ve always wanted to see a high-speed shot of somebody getting smacked in the face.
Jamie: Well, as long as that somebody is you, I’m okay with it.
Later, when Adam actually gets drunk and has Jamie slap him:
Adam: Holy bleeping bleepity bleep!
Jamie: Can I do that again? That was kinda fun.
And here’s one from last night’s show (which brought me a good and much-needed laugh :lol):
Adam: We’re doing a whole series of myths about pain.
Jamie: I’ve got one: you’re a pain in the *bleep*!
-
Lampy: And none of us needs a hearing aid
Hearing Aid: What?
Lampy: NONE OF US NEEDS A HEARING AID!
That really reminded me of when we're watching a movie with my dad. We'd say "Do we need captions for the hearing impaired", and my dad would reply "what?".
-
Dave the Barbarian, huge but a wimp
They aint the bravest heroes, but they're the only ones we've got
- Two lines from the opening theme of Dave the Barbarian
-
The Simpsons
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwmB0VBZGuw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwmB0VBZGuw)
-
A Microwave: Why should you have my vote?
"Evil Refrigerator": BECAUSE I'M BIGGER THAN YOU!!!"
Niiice political statement XD
-
Denzel walks, Will Smith walks, Mark Walburg is wearing a hat
One line from The Lonely Island's song "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions"
-
The Simpsons
*Homer tries to build a grill. He's looking at what should be a nice looking barbecue pit*
Homer: Yeah... that's one fine looking barbecue pit...
*Homer lowers the picture to reveal... a sloppily made junk pile*
Homer: WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!
*He screams then starts bashing it with a pipe*
Homer: Why?! Why must life be so hard?! Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?!?!
*Inside the house*
Marge: How's your father's project coming along?
Bart: I think he's almost done.
*Looks outside and sees Homer charging at the junk pile with an umbrella*
Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Slams into pile and an umbrella unfolds*
Bart: Yup, he's done.
-
Here is a couple from Call of Duty 3 that I laugh every time I hear. In case you don't know, Call of Duty 3 takes place in France during WWII following the D-Day landings.
Sgt. Dixon: Alright, listen up. Today we're on a secret mission to get coffee and donuts. Problem is, the Germans drank all the coffee and ate all the donuts. So now, we gotta go kick their asses.
Keith: So, as I was saying. Only two things the Frenchies are any good at: surrendering, and kissing. Am I boring ya, Sergeant?"
-
The Simpsons
*How Homer failing on the barbecue began...*
Homer: Oh yeah, that's a fine looking-
*Parts fall out of box and into wet cement*
Homer: D'OH! Okay no big deal...
*Picks up parts and puts them into wheel-barrel; which then topples into cement again*
Homer: Aah! Stupid Lisa! Gotta work fast... cement drying! *Grabs instructions* Okay let's see... English side ruined! Must use French instructions. "Le Grille"? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!
-
Nappa: *Tien and Chatsou appear* Look Vegeta, more bald people, there the two tall ones, the short one and the....ah....Vegeta! It's a Pokemon!
Chaotsu: I'm not a Pokemon, I'm a Chaotsu! Chaoutsu!
Nappa: Did you hear that Vegeta? It's a Chaotsu, I'm gonna catch it *forms Pokeball and throws it at Chaotsu, which fails* Aww, it didn't work Vegeta
Vegeta: That's cause you have to damage it first Nappa
Nappa: Alright, I'm going to see if I can get a critical
Nappa: *stops in mid flight* Vegeta.....I can fly....
Vegeta: Ah....er...ugh....yes Nappa, yes you can.....
King Kai: *to Goku* Now get the f*** off my planet
Goku: Thank you King Kai, for all the training you have....
King Kai: *interupts* Go home!
Goku: Okay, bye! *flys off*
King Kai: *beat* Oh no! What have I done!? I'm all alone!
*Bubbles talks*
King Kai: Shut up Bubbles
Gregory: Well, you still have me sir
King Kai: Shut up Gregory
Bojack: Yarr! You still have good old....
King Kai: *interupts* SHUT UP BOJACK!
- Dragonball Z: Abridged by TeamFourStar
-
True Lies
Harry: Helen! The bridge is out!!!
Helen: What?
Harry: The bridge is out!!!
Helen: I can't hear you.
Harry: THE BRIDGE IS OUT!!!!
Helen:*spots the part of the bridge that was destroyed* The bridge is out!!!
-
The Simpsons
*Catch Phrase Time!*
Homer: D'oh!
Bart: Aye Curamba!
Marge: Hmmm....
Maggie: *Sucks on passifier*
Ned Flanders: Hi-diddily-ho!
Barney: UUURRRRRPPP!
Nelson: Haw Haw!
Mr. Burns: Excellent...
*Everyone turns to Lisa*
Lisa: ...If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.
*Walks off*
Homer: ...What kind of catch-phrase is that?
-
^ Heh. I remember that XD .
Some stamp on deviantART: "If idiots could fly, the world would be an airport"
My boyfriend: But then everyone would be crashing into each other
Me: And the world would be less populace
My boyfriend: :lol:
-
Vegeta: I know, I'll turn into the mighty Oozaru and....*realizes something* Where's the moon? Where the damn moon!?
*flashback to Piccolo*
Piccolo: *looking at moon* Moon! *fires blast and destroys the moon*
Vegeta: Now, it's time to reveal my giant monkey.... *camera is on his crotch, crowds gasps* form! *camera pans to his face in the prcoess*
Man in crowd: Thank god, I thought he meant penis!
Piccolo: Now....clothes beam! *fires his "clothes beam" onto a naked Gohan, forming clothes on him*
Piccolo: Gohan! I bought you sparring partner for the day!
Gohan: Really? Who?
*cuts to Gohan being chased by a dinosaur*
Piccolo: *repeated in the first season* Dodge!
Vegeta: What happened to your armour Nappa?
Nappa: I had a hell of a day Vegeta, I sunk their battleships....and their whales....
*cuts to Nappa's area of destruction he had left behind him*
Aquaman: Nooooo!
- Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar
-
Red vs Blue
Sarge: To kill your enemy, you need to look at him in the eyes so he knows you're the one who beat him to death! It also gives you a chance to deliver some really zippy one-liners. Like: I hope you brought your wallet... because the rent in Hell is paid in advance!
Grif: Oh my God...
Sarge: Or my personal favorite: You just got Sarge'd. Heh heh. Classic.
-
*Gohan smashes out of Raditz's space pod*
Raditz: No! My space pod!
*Gohan headbutts Raditz, cracking his armour*
Raditz: No! My space armour!
Piccolo: *off screen* We get it! You're from space!
Vegeta: You've taken everything but my pride! *is attacked by Gohan* Ahh my pride!
Goku: Kaioken!
Vegeta: Kai-what? *is attacked by Goku*
Goku: Kaioken times 2!
Vegeta: Times what? *is attacked by Goku*
Vegeta: *he and Goku are locked ina blast exchange* I've put everything into this attack Kakarot!
Goku: Kaioken....
Vegeta: No....
Goku: Times....
Vegeta: No, no, no....
Goku: Five!
Vegeta: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.....fuuuuuu *is blasted away on the blast*
Vegeta: *in a cave after being injured* This....proves.....nothing.....
Krillin: *about Gohan* Goku, just because we found you as a child, doesn't mean you can go around stealing children
Bulma: So I guess you finally....you know...
Goku: Know what?
Roshi: You know, bow chicka wow wow
Goku: What are those noises you're making?
- Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar
-
Team Fortress 2: Meet the Sandvich trailer
*The camera is always inside the fridge, focused on the sandwich or "sandvich".*
-Red Heavy walks into the room sounding wounded-
Blue Scout: There he is!
Blue Soldier: You! Stop right where you are. That is an order! He's getting away! Do not let him get to the refr-!
-Heavy opens fridge and takes one half of the "sandvich" out, then closes the door. The camera is still inside the fridge-
Blue Scout: Don't- don't do it pal.
Blue Soldier: Do. Not. Do it!
-Heavy eats "sandvich" and he is back to perfect health-
Blue Scout: Hey hey hey! Let's settle down here... You listenin' just- just...
-Heavy charges at Scout and Soldier-
Blue Scout: OH GOD! Omigod omigod omig-
-Heavy starts laying waste into the Soldier and Scout-
Red Heavy: HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Blue Scout: MY BLOOD!!!! HE PUNCHED OUT ALL MY BLOOD!!!
Blue Soldier: You call that breaking my spine?! You Red Team ladies wouldn't know how to break a sp- AAAAAH MY SPINE!!!!!!!
Blue Scout: *Lets out girly scream*
-
Bo Peep: It is Buzz! Woody was telling the truth!
Slinky: What have we done?
Rex: GREAT! Now I have guilt!
Andy: (As Woody) You're going to jail, partner. Say good bye to the wife and tater tots!
~From Toy Story
I NEVER noticed the second one until recently :DD
-
Speaking of Toy Story.....
Woody: Buzz, you're flying!
Buzz: This isn't flying! This is falling, in style!
:lol:
-
1 800 MAGIC
Johnson: Why does magic smell like bacon?
--------------
Bidderman: Why does this take so long?
Tech Support: We designed it that way so we can charge by the minute for tech support.
Bidderman: ...
Tech Support: Just kidding... sorta.
-
Here's a few from Mythbusters:
(from Duct Tape Hour 2)
(Grant is sitting in a car while Tory and Kari wrap duct tape around the car and a lamppost to prevent the car from going anywhere.)
Grant: Hey you kids! What are you doing to my car?
(Adam is walking across a bridge made of duct tape, which is built like a rope bridge.)
Adam: People walk across bridges like this every day!?
(from Waterslide Wipeout)
(Adam is using duct tape to build a giant waterslide, but he drops the roll of duct tape and it rolls all the way down the slide, off the ramp at the end, and into the water.)
Adam: Can I get another roll of duct tape?
-
Red vs Blue
Sarge: Simmons, where are you? Come out here!
Simmons: I'm here, hold on just a second! Doc, it looks like I can't get you out.
Doc: Yes you can! You're, you can, you haven't really tried yet!
Simmons: I know, you're right, I should think about the mission.
Doc: What? No! Not unless this is rescue mission. I'm part of the mission.
Simmons: It's a noble sacrifice you're making here.
Doc: No no, I'm not sacrificing. I'm not noble. At all, listen to me, you don't wanna go I
don't want you to go. I don't want you to go!
Simmons: I'll always remember you, bye!
Doc: Start by remembering me right now! Simmons!
-
Family Guy
Brian: *upon seeing Peter naked* *everyone in the crowd but him is shocked* Huh....so that's what Peter's penis looks like
-
The Simpsons
*Lisa on happy pills*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpNjWklEbGc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpNjWklEbGc)
-
I did not care too much for the film "Antz", but there's this scene that I still remember finding hilarious.
*Scene with flies eating...well...what they normally eat :x*
Fly 1: "Hey! Tastes like crap!"
Fly 2: "Lemme see!"
*Fly 2 tries crap*
Fly 2: "It IS crap!"
:lol
For all we know, it could be from a dog, considering how they were in a park :/ . But that's not the one that did it for me. These did.
Bala: Labor? What you YOU know about labor? How would YOU feel if you were expected to give birth every 10 seconds for the rest of your life?
A different kind of labor entirely XD
Z: Let's be real about this. Bala and I... Bala is a princess, and I'm a soil relocation engineer.
Z: The whole system makes me feel so... insignificant.
Psychologist: Excellent. You've made a real breakthrough.
Z: I have?
Psychologist: Yes, Z. You ARE insignificant.
"Now tell me about your mother"
Chip: You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles.
Muffy: Oh, my big, strong pheromone factory.
(They Eskimo kiss)
Z: (nauseated) Oh, brother. Suddenly, I just lost my appetite.
I would too if a couple about...seven or eight times my size were being mushy over me XD . The scene right after that is pretty darn depressing. First you're having a mix between "whaaa?" and "awww", and three seconds later (literally), you're wondering "what they heck happened here D: !?" . I feel so bad for Chip :( . Seriously, how did she collapse so fast? She wasn't even squashed (for some reason, in my farthest memories of it, I seem to remember that she WAS squashed...on screen...and that the male wasp was far more upset by it.)
(Now that I think about it, Muffy and Chip remind me of some of my own OC couples a bit...I even imagined them had the same accent that I never had a name for...until I found out that it was "WASP" (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) :lol )
(As the human is about to scrape gum, along with Z and Bala) off his shoe using a penny, with ol' Lincoln facing them)
Z: Who the H3LL is that?
Sent major lolz to me :lol
General Mandible: You're an ant after my own heart, an ant who looks death in the face and laughs.
Z: Actually, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back.
Weaver: Do you have any idea how much trouble you can get in for talking about for even talkin' about impersonation' a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talkin' about impersonatin' a soldier.
(Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep)
Z (narrating): We rebuilt the colony; better than before, because now we have a very large indoor swimming pool.
When given lemons, make lemonade. Boy is THAT some great lemonade XD
Bala (talking to Chip and Muffy): Pardon me. I guess you don't recognize me. I've been traveling, and I'm all... schlumpy. I'm Princess Bala.
It's the "schlumpy" that gets it for me XD
Z: Wow, every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.
He's got a good eye.
The way Muffy says "Good morning" to Z and Bala :lol .
-
Cera: So this is your Great Valley!? You're crazy! I'm leaving!
- Land Before Time
-
From The Incredibles... :lol
Lucius: Honey?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where's my super suit?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where - is - my - super - suit?
Honey: I, uh, put it away.
[helicopter explodes outside]
Lucius: *Where?*
Honey: *Why* do you *need* to know?
Lucius: I need it!
[Lucius rummages through another room in his condo]
Honey: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no derrin'-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius: The public is in danger!
Honey: My evening's in danger!
Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey: 'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!
-
Demyx: Let's see here....if the subject fails to respond, use agression to liberate his true disposition....right....did they ever send the wrong guy for this one....
- Kingdom Hearts 2
-
Lucius: Honey?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where's my super suit?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where - is - my - super - suit?
Honey: I, uh, put it away.
[helicopter explodes outside]
Lucius: *Where?*
Honey: *Why* do you *need* to know?
Lucius: I need it!
[Lucius rummages through another room in his condo]
Honey: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no derrin'-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius: The public is in danger!
Honey: My evening's in danger!
Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey: 'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!
My family does this when we can't find a remote for the television XD .
This was a Pixar win. I'm not very fond of the Incredibles, but that scene was just class.
Me (to my snake) : You ungrateful brat! I just cleaned your tank and look what you did!
-
:DD :oops Not sure if this fits here or not, but...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d4yBjbWbDY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d4yBjbWbDY)
This entire video. :lol
:smile
-
"A Bug's Life"
I felt bad for (I forget his name) being mistaken for a female just 'cuz he's a ladybug :rolleyes.
Fly (while watching circus act): "Hey, Ladybug! How about comin' over here to 'pollinate' with a real bug?!"
This line was suggestive for a kids movie, with the fly's little gyrating motion as he said what he said, but it was still funny :lol.
Just imagine if "Ladybug" had actually taken up on that offer :blink:. I wonder what Mr. Fly would think then :oops :x.
-
His name is Fransis :p
Now that we're talking Bug's Life.
PT Flea (singing) : The streets will be paved with golden retrievers!
Dot: ...But it's a rock.
Flik: I KNOW IT'S A ROCK! Don't you think I'd know what a rock is when I spend a lot of time around ROCKS!?
Dot: You're weird...but I like you.
Fransis (as Robin Hood) : MY SWORD!
Slim: (unhappy) : Swish swish. Clang clang T__T
-
Jafar: *hypnotizing the Sultan* You will order the princess to marry me
Sultan: *hypnotized* I will order the princess...to....marry... *snaps out of it* but you're so old!
- Aladdin
-
Red vs Blue
Doc: Man, some people just can't take orders. Am I right?
Washington: Shut up. We're not friends.
Doc: Can I at least get some water?
Washington: I said shut up. And I already asked if you were thirsty before we left.
Doc: We're in the dessert. Thirsty should be assumed.
Washington: You can drink later.
Doc: Yeah... this might be a bad time to tell you that I'm sinking then...
Washington: ...I hate you.
Doc: I know.
-
Nostalgia Critic: (Kickassia bloopers) OF COURSE! Of course! No one can talk to a horse of course! That is, of course, unless the horse is the faaaamous Mr. Ed! Neeeeigh!
-
mario: would you rather be the tailgutter, and get shot at by koopa?
Luigi: Hey, i may be crazy, but im not dumb!
XD
SMBSS: Mario and The Red Baron Koopa
-
Red vs Blue
*Caboose and Epsilon Church enter a room full of cobalt colored armored suits. Just like the ones the original Church wore*
Caboose: Oh my God! Look at all the you's! You're everywhere! This must be a best friend store! This is the greatest store ever! You can have your body back. Which one do you want? I wanna buy one!
-
This scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail is great! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKhEw7nD9C4&feature=related)
-
Vegeta: I'd be inclined to give it to you, but you see, there's a problem with that
Dodoria: And what would that be?
Vegeta: *steps on scouter* It's broken....
Dr. Briefs: *sees Goku with muffin* Where did you get that muffin?
Goku: Muffin button
Dr. Briefs: But I never installed a muffin button
Goku: Then where did I get this muffin...?
Goku: *after talking to Dr. Briefs* I like his mustache
- Dragonball Z Abridged by TeamFourStar
-
The Simpsons: Krusty the Clown vs Burger King
Krusty: HEY HEY!!! It's your old pal Krusty! I know some of you might be tempted to buy the Burger King to eat this Flame-Broiled Whopper... *Holds out Whopper* ...Instead of my Deep-Fried With Love Krusty Burger. *Holds out seriously gross looking burger before throwing it back into oil*
Krusty: All I can say is... Please! I'm behind on seven alamonies! I'M WEARING PAPER BAGS FOR SHOES!!!!
-
From the "A Bug's Life" bloopers:
Hopper (to Atta): "Do I look stupid?"
Atta (laughing): "Yes!"
:lol
-
Genie: *cheering for Jafar* Jafar, Jafar, he's our man, if he can't do it....GREAT!
Genie: *to Aladdin* Excuse me, are you looking at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you let me out of there? And now all of a sudden you're walking out on me? I don't think so! You're getting your wishes.....SO SIT DOWN!
Iago: Jafar....get a grip! *Jafar grabs him by the throat* Good grip....
Iago: Jafar I'm stuck......Jafar I can't breathe.....Jafar....*is kicked* Oww that hurt!
- Aladdin
-
The Simpsons
*The scene where Homer "transforms" into the Hulk. In reality, he's furious that he's got green paint all over him*
Homer: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGH!!!!! HOMER MAD!!!!!!
*Homer breaks down fence*
Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bart: Thank God his pants stayed on!
*Homer then stomps around the city, growling in rage*
Homer: Homer mad! Homer smash! GET REVENGE ON WORLD!
Lenny: Look! It's the Incredible Hulk!
Homer: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
Genie: *cheering for Jafar* Jafar, Jafar, he's our man, if he can't do it....GREAT!
Genie: *to Aladdin* Excuse me, are you looking at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you let me out of there? And now all of a sudden you're walking out on me? I don't think so! You're getting your wishes.....SO SIT DOWN!
Iago: Jafar....get a grip! *Jafar grabs him by the throat* Good grip....
Iago: Jafar I'm stuck......Jafar I can't breathe.....Jafar....*is kicked* Oww that hurt!
- Aladdin
Those are all great :lol!
Also from Aladdin:
Iago (spitting out crackers): "I can't take it anymore! If I have to choke on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers! Bam! Whack!"
Iago (upon discovering flamingo has the hots for him): "You got a problem, Pinky?!"
*Knocks flamingo down*
Iago (imitating falling off a cliff): "AHHHHHHHHHHH! Ka-SPLAT!"
-
Jafar: *after being turned into a genie* Yes! The universe is mine to comand! To control!
Aladdin: Not so fast Jafar, aren't you forgetting something?
Jafar: Huh?
Aladdin: You wanted to be a genie, you got it *golden wrist things appear on Jafar's wrists* and everything that goes with it! *Jafar starts to get sucked into the lamp* Phenomenal cosmic powers! *Jafar is sucked into his lamp* Itty bitty living space...
- Aladdin
-
Jurassic Park 2:
Hammond Jr.: "Where's the crew?"
Security Guard: "All over the place."
Home Alone 2:
Johnny (after overkill with shotgun): "Merry Christmas ya filthy animal."
*Peppers victim some more*
Johnny: "And a Happy New Year!"
*Fires one last shot*
Liar Liar:
Man in bathroom: "What the hell are you doing?"
Fletcher: "I'm kickin' my a**, do ya mind?!"
:spit :lol
-
Finding Nemo:
Crush: Dude? Dude? Focus dude... Dude?
[Marlin wakes up]
Crush: Oh, he lives. Hey, dude!
Marlin: Oh... What happened?
Crush: Saw the whole thing, dude. First you were all like "whoa", and we were like "whoa", and you were like "whoa..."
Marlin: What are you talking about?
Crush: You, Mini-Man, takin' on the jellies. You've got serious thrill issues, dude. Awesome.
Marlin: Oh, my stomach. Ohh.
Crush: Oh, man. Hey, no hurling on the shell, dude, ok? Just waxed it.
Marlin: So, Mr. Turtle?
Crush: Whoa, Dude. Mister Turtle is my father. The name's Crush.
Marlin: Crush, really? OK, Crush. I need to get to the East Australian Current. EAC?
Crush: [laughing] Oh, dude. You're ridin' it, dude! Check it out!
-
From Farscape:
John: Does it hurt?
Aeryn: Uh huh.
John: Where?
Aeryn: Where it's bleeding!
-
From "Ant Bully" (I've been watching lots of ant movies recently XD )
Lucas: (running) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Fugax: Does anybody know what "AHHHHHHHH!" means?
(Frog lands behind him and Fugax turns around)
Fugax: I think I just figured it out. AHHHH!
Drone Ant: He's so soft. His skeleton is on the inside.
Ant kid: So he's inside out?
Drone Ant, Ant kid: Eww!
(Role reversal, baby :DD )
Fugax: I think I know why his name is "peanut". Because his brain is the size of a PEANUT!
(I had to remember how big peanuts are to ants to understand that)
Zoc: Curse you, rock; a curse upon your children!
Hova: I don't think rocks have children.
Zoc: ([throws crystal to the ground) It won't now!
Ant kid in the crowd: LET'S EAT HIM!
Zoc: Wait! We are not mindless savages! This creature should be studied! THEN we'll eat him!
-
Iago: Squeeze him Jafar....sqeeze him like a..... *is flicked away by Genie*
- Aladdin
-
Red vs Blue
Grif: I told you that stupid plan wouldn't work.
Simmons: That's because you said your name was "Agent Pluto"!
*Keep in mind: Their names were supposed to based on U.S. States*
Sarge: At least we had our contingency plan to fall back on.
Grif: Sarge, "shotgun to the face" is NOT a contingency plan. I keep telling you that.
Sarge: Don't be so quick to judge Grif. "Shotgun to the face" can be applied in many tough situations. For instance: *points shotgun at Grif* Watch how quickly it cures insubordination.
-
Pirate #1: *after pirate #2 is shot by Barbossa* You're not dead
Pirate #2: No....he shot me
- Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Cheese: I FOUND A CARROT!!!!
- Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends
-
This is from Tremors 2: Aftershocks (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114720/). This is actually a scene from the movie, not one quote.
Grady Hoover (while holding the detnator): Come on, How stupid do you think I am?
Earl Bassett: Catch me on that one later.
Grady Hoover: Come on let me blow up the worm!
(Earl wants to do rock paper scissors on who'll do it)
Grady Hoover: sh**.
(Earl wins and blows up the worm)
Grady Hoover: Whoo hoo! 50 g's baby! 50 g's!
(Earl puts up his umbrella, and Graboid pieces start raining done on them)
Grady Hoover: Oh, sh**!
Earl Bassett: Told you.
Grady Hoover: I forgot.
-
Red vs Blue: Revelation Episode 10
*Tex is fighting the Reds and Tucker*
Sarge: You idiots! Let me show you how it's done...
*Tex punches Sarge and sends him flying*
Grif: Nice demonstration Sarge.
Sarge: Oh shut up.
-
Guybrush: *to LeChuck* Unholy this!
Elaine: Unholy this?
Guybrush: He didn't give me much to work with
- Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 1
-
From Aqua Team Hunger Force
Dr. Weird: Gentlemen... BEHOLD! I... have lost weight!
Steve: Hey, lookin' good.
Dr. Weird: Yes uhh, all sugar's gone... MANUALLY! WITH THIS!! *takes out a chainsaw and starts laughing maniacally*
Steve: Okay uh... I think I'm gonna go to lunch... :blink:
Dr. Weird: (cutting his leg with the chainsaw) I need to lose 20 more pounds! OR I'LL NEVER BE PRETTY!!!
-
Here's a bunch from Spaceballs.
Dark Helmet:
* You have the ring. And I see that your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you handle it.
* What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?
* (he tries to cancel the self destruct sequence but the button is broken) Out of order"? F***! Even in the future nothing works!
* I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
* 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
President Skroob:
* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!
*(after getting beamed onto the bridge and his lower half is backwards) Why didn't anyone tell me my ass was so big?!
-
Red vs Blue
*Simmons tries to find a big weapon to fight Tex with*
Simmons: Caboose, help us!
Caboose: How? The computer won't let me. She's mean! This place is filled with mean ladies!
Simmons: Push some buttons- I don't know!
Caboose: Buttons? OH MAN I LOVE BUTTONS!!!
*Presses a few buttons and it causes a bunch of rocket launchers to fall from a crane. Simmons picks up one*
Simmons: Wow... that actually worked perfectly. Thanks!
Caboose: Great... how the heck did I do that?
-----------------------------
Grif: What do we do Sarge?
Sarge: I don't know. I never hit a girl in my life!
Simmons: Yeah I noticed; try harder!
-
From Loonatics Unleashed [episode: I Am Slamacus]
(after teleporting into the arena)
Rev: That was definitely positively not even remotely 4.67 seconds.
Tech: (notices Rev's disguise) Rev, you're supposed to be dressed as a fan, not a yodeler. :p
(later...)
Rev: (to Duck) This fight isn't over until the fat lady sinks, or, one of them becomes worm food, gives up the ghost, buys the farm, pushes up the daises, steps up the curb, SAVVY!?
Duck: Alright alright, I get it! ...what are you dressed for? Yodeling contest?
(after defeating Gorlop...)
Rev: Wow, Slam! That was absolutely inspired strategy! We made 'em so big, that he hit the forcefield and absorbed all those energy and overloaded! Makes me feel like yodeling!! :DD *starts yodeling*
Tech: (grabs Rev by the beak) ...don't. <_<
:lol :lol
-
Toy Shark: *wearing Woody's hat* Look! I'm Woody! Howdy! Howdy! Howdy! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46rIWEgmmQk)
- Toy Story
-
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Steve: *On the phone* Uh yeah, six inch hoagie. No mayo. Uh hang on. *Turns to Dr. Weird* Hey Doctor Wei-
Dr. Weird: My *** has finally decided to eat my hand! IT HUNGERS!!!! FOR MOOOOORRRRRRRE!!!!!!!!! *Gets "sucked in"*
Steve: :blink: *turns back to phone* Yeah, just the one hoagie.
-
Peter: If you go to get that abortion, I'll blow up the hospital
Lois: You wouldn't dare
Peter: You've seen Family Guy! You know I would!
- Family Guy
And yes, that's from the unaired episode from the USA which played last night here in New Zealand.
-
Rex: We're going to attack on foot!
Brachio: Why are we attacking their feet?
Rex: We are not attacking their feet! We are attacking on foot!! :lol
Dinosaucers episode 46, "Seeing Purple".
-
Isa: "Where's my alien donkey?"
Sin and Punishment: Star Successor
-
Red vs Blue
Grif: Games take a long time to make, so it's hard to tell when they're coming out. But, even if the game has no release date, you can still buy it. This is called "pre-ordering."
Simmons: Pre-ordering is where you pay for something today, and get something a lot like what you think you paid for, at some unspecified point in the future. And if you don't pre-order you might not be able to get the thing you want, because other people did pre-order. You're basically paying to make sure nothing bad happens to you on Launch Day.
Grif: You may know this process by its original name: extortion.
-
The Room
Johnny: I deed not hit her, et's not true, et's bullshit I deed not hit her. I deed not...Oh hai, Mark
-
Young Frankenstein:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ_pKqiB5Rg&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ_pKqiB5Rg&feature=related)
Dr. Frankenstein: Now... that brain that you gave me... was it Hans Delbruck's?
Igor: No.
Dr. Frankenstein: Ah. Good. Uh... would you mind telling me... whose brain... I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr. Frankenstein: I will not be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frankenstein: Abby someone? Abby who?
Igor: Abby Normal.
Dr. Frankenstein:Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frankenstein: Are you saying... that I put an abnormal brain... into a 7 and a half foot long... 54- inch wide... GORILLA?!?!?! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME!?!
-
This quote is from the Doctor Who episode "End of Time Part 2".
The Doctor: There is an old Earth saying, captain. A phrase of great power and wisdom, with consolation to the soul in times of need.
Captain: What's that, then?
The Doctor: ALLONS-Y!!
-
Guybrush: It'll be a snap *poxed hand tried to snap fingers* a snap *poxed hand tries to snap fingers again* I said a snap! *poxed hand punches Guybrush in the face*
- Tales of Monkey Island Chapter 1
-
Red vs Blue
*The Reds and Blues discuss what to do with Tex*
Church: I'm waking her up.
Sarge: No way buddy. You must have missed the smash-fest we went through. I ain't repeatin' that!
Church: Hey, we made a deal: I unlock you, you have to help me with her.
Grif: Hey now hold on a second...
Simmons: This affects the entire group; I say we put it to a vote. All those in favor of waking her up and kill us, say "I".
Church: I. Caboose?
Caboose: Present.
Church: No, we're not doing that. Just say "I".
Caboose: You. Oops, I mean me!
Church: No, "I".
Caboose: Church!
Church: Just say "I"!
Caboose: Ooh! Right, I get it. Sorry... my left eye or my right eye?
Church: He votes yes.
Caboose: I would also like it known that I was present.
-----------------------------
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
Scott Pilgrim lines
Scott's cry to Todd Ingrim (3rd Evil Ex)
"YOU'LL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY!!!!"
Line from Kim Pine
"Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it."
-
TMNT II
Leo: "You take the Ugly One!"
Raph: "No! You take the Ugly One!"
Donny: "I'll take the Ugly One!"
Mikey: "WHICH ONE IS THE UGLY ONE!?"
Mikey: "Phew! Now I know what a postal package feels like!"
:lol :spit
-
The Simpsons: Mr. Plow episode
Homer "Mr. Plow" Simpson just plowed the snow in front of the Retirement Castle.
Abe Simpson: We're free! We're no longer prisoners. We can go anywhere we want!
...
...
...
Abe Simpson: I'm cold and frightened.
Everyone walks back inside. :lol
-
Another one from Tremors 2: Aftershocks.
Earl Bassett: (about the detnator) Set that like I showed you.
Grady Hoover: How stupid do you think I am?
Earl Bassett: (thinks) Catch me on that one later. :lol
-
"The Goodies" Kung Fu Kapers (The episode that actually made a guy die from laughter)
Scene: Bill is telling Tim and Graeme about his time spent learning the ancient Lancastrian Martial Art of Ecky-Thump.
Bill:...our Grand Master, and eh, he was grand. He spouted such wisdoms as;
Grand Master: There's nowt wrong wi'out what mitherin' clutterbucks don't barley grummit!
-
Fry: Professor, isn't it time for your nap?
Professor Fransworth: Yes damnit! Shut up! *falls asleep*
Leela's Father: No beer until you finish your Tequila!
- Futurama
-
The Simpsons
Mr. Burns: Smithers, is it wrong to cheat in a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: Yes sir.
Mr. Burns: Let me rephrase that; is it wrong if I cheat in a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: No sir. Who shall I kill?
-
Scientist: Damnit man, I'm a scientist, not an English tearcher! Now....inject this man with some science!
- Dragonball Z Abridged
-
The Simpsons: More Mr. Burns and Smithers
*Mr. Burns is watching the security camera footage of Homer eating doughnuts*
Mr. Burns: Look at that pig stuffing his face full of doughnuts on my time! That's right keep eating... little do you know that you're drawing ever closer to the poison doughnut! *Chuckles evilly* There is a poison one; is there Smithers?
Smithers: No sir. I discussed this with our lawyers; they consider it murder.
Mr. Burns: DAMN THEIR OILY HIDES!!!!
-
Vegeta: *singing, while stealing Frieza's Dragonballs* I've got a lovely bunch of Dragonballs
There they are a sitting in a bunch
One star, two star, all big as my head
Give 'em a toss, a planet across
That's how Vegeta wins, buh-bye *flies off*
- Dragon Ball Z Abridged
-
From Animaniacs: I saw this one on the Nostalgia Critic's countdown of naughtiest Animaniacs moments.
Dot: I found Prince!
Yakko: No no no! Fingerprints!
Dot: (thinks for a moment) I don't think so... :lol:
A naughty quote from the Spider-Man 2 video game:
Quentin Beck tries to shoot Spider-Man with a laser but the laser malfunctions.
Quentin Beck: What? The laser is overheating? (banging on the control panel) You stupid machine! Work! Work! Come on! Work!
Spider-Man: Problems with your laser, beck? I hear there are pills for that now! :lol:
-
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
*After Scott finds out that Roxie Ritcher is Ramona's 4th Evil Ex*
Scott: You and her?!
Ramona: It was just a phase.
Roxie: Just a phase?!
Scott: You had a SEXY phase?!?!
Ramona: It meant nothing! I didn't think it would count!
Roxie: It meant nothing?!?!
Ramona: I'm just a little bi-curious.
Roxie: Well honey... *cracks knuckles* I'm a little BI-FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
This quote from Monty Python's "Crunchy Frog" sketch.
Inspector: … Now what about this one, number five… it was number five, wasn’t it? Number five: Ram’s Bladder Cup. [beat] Now, what sort of confectionery is that?
Mr. Hilton: Oh, we use only the finest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram’s bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue, and garnished with lark’s vomit.
Inspector: Lark’s vomit?
Mr. Hilton: Correct.
Inspector: It doesn’t say anything here about lark’s vomit!
Mr. Hilton: Ah, it does, at the bottom of the label, after “monosodium glutamate.”
Inspector: I hardly think that’s good enough! I think it’d be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label: “WARNING: LARK’S VOMIT!”
-
Dr. Evil: That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE!
- Austin Powers
-
Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Wallace: What's with his outfit?
Random Dude: Yeah, are you a pirate?
Scott: ARE you a pirate?
Matthew Patel: Pirates are in this year!
-
Gaia: Ortega! Mash! Launch a Jet Stream Attack on that Mobile Suit!
Ortega: He evaded the Jet Stream Attack? Impossible!
- Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 2
-
Kamille: Kamille's a man's name! AND I'M A MAN!!!!
-
Ray: Don't make me light my butt!
- The Princess and the Frog
-
Zarbon: Lord Frieza, we've found a note!
Frieza: Let me see that! *holds up note slightly*...It just says "Dear Frieza" and it's a picture of a butt!
Zarbon: ...Can I see it, Lord Frieza?
-
^ lol, that's awesome as usual XD
Patrick: *holding a piece of paper that his parents had sent him* Look what they sent me! *hands paper to Spongebob*
Spongebob: *gasps, seeing that it's a picture of a music note* A note!
Patrick: Yeah! But look on the other side
Spongebob: *turns it over, revealing the letter B* A letter!
Patrick: And it came with this *hands Spongebob the real note/letter from his parents*
- SpongeBob SquarePants
I can't recall the exact wording of the obove scene, but it was to that effect regardless XD
-
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
*Stephen Stills is freaking out over how they'll play*
Stephen Stills: How are we supposed to follow this? We're not going to win! We're not going to sign with G-Man! We'll never play opening night at the Chaos Theatre. *Turns attention to Scott* DAMN IT SCOTT WILL YOU PLEASE JUST STOP STANDING THERE YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!!!!!!!!
-
Yzma: *about how to get rid of Kuzco* How should I do it? Oh I know, I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea, then I'll put that flea into a box, and then I'll put that box into another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives *laughs* I'll smash it with a hammer!
- The Emperor's New Groove
-
Sealab 2021
THE CLOSET EPISODE: My all time favorite
Marco: Oh man, I was starting to lose it there. Hey, the door's broken, we've been trapped in here for three days!
Sparks: The door's not broken... you just press the- *presses button and the door closes)
Marco: No no no! You idiot!
Sparks: You just press the- press the- *Presses the button again but the door remains shut) The door's broken. What the hell?!
Marco: *Curses in Spanish*
Sparks: Hey hey hey! Stop yelling, okay? You're sucking up all the air!
Marco: Don't tell me what the yell or not to yell-
Sparks; Oh jeez! HORSE NOSTRILS... SLURPING UP ALL THE PRECIOUS OXYGEN!!!
Murphy: Son, get a hold of yourself.
Sparks: Claustrophobic *pants madly* Not. Getting. Enough-
*Murphy punches him in the face and knocks him out cold*
Murphy: ...I warned him.
-
Mystery Science Theater 3K: Soultaker.
(At the title screen for Soultaker)
Crow: What is that,souptaper - no....The SOUUUUUUUUULTAKER!!!!
-
Lucious Fox: Spying on 30 million people is not part of my job description
- The Dark Knight
*Vegeta is going on about how they're all going to die*
Lord Guru: Nail! Slap him!
*slap is heard*
Krillin: Oww
Lord Guru: Thank you
- Dragonball Z Abridged
-
Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Kim Pine: Scott Pilgrim is dating a high school-er.
Stephen Stills: Really? Is she hot?
Kim Pine: How old are you now Scott? Like, twenty-eight?
Scott Pilgrim: I'm not playing your little games Kim.
Kim Pine: So... you've been out of high school for like thirteen years...
Scott Pilgrim: I'm twenty-two! Twenty-two.
SCOTT PILGRIM
22 YEARS OLD
RATING: AWESOME
Stephen Stills: And you're dating a high school girl. Not bad; not bad.
Scott Pilgrim: Thank you; thank you.
Young Neil: So did you guys like... you know... do it yet?
Scott Pilgrim: We have done many things together: We ride the bus together; and we have meaningful discussions about how Year Book Club went; and about her friends; and, you know, drama.
Stephen Stills: Have you even kissed her?
Scott Pilgrim: We almost held hands once, and then she got embarrassed.
Kim Pine: Well aren't you pleased as punch.
Scott Pilgrim: I don't know what you're talking about.
Stephen Stills: So what's her name?
Scott Pilgrim: Knives Chao... she's Chinese.
Everyone: ...
Young Neil: Wicked...!
Stephen Stills: So when do we get to meet her?
Kim Pine: (Sarcastic tone) Oh please let it be soon...
-
Jacob: I kissed Bella....and she broke her hand....punching me in the face
***
Edward: *sees a shirtless jacob* Doesn't he have a shirt?
- Twilight Saga: Eclipse
-
Sealab 2021
*Murphy talking about his Happy Cake Oven*
Murphy: It's not a toy, it makes real cupcakes. With a forty-watt bulb, and it comes with icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love... damn it.
-
Lucious Fox: Spying on 30 million people isn't part of my job description
- The Dark Knight
-
"Tomorrow I'll play the xylophone... with my butt!" -Wakko from Animaniacs.
-
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Wallace: Hey Jimmy, do they rock or suck?
Jimmy: They... have not started playing yet.
Wallace: That was a test Jimmy... you passed.
---------------------------------------------------
Crash: Good evening. My name is Crash, and these are the Boys.
Wallace: Is that girl a boy too?
Crash: Yes!
*Girl gives middle finger to Wallace*
Kim: They have a girl drummer?!?!
-
Dr. Temprence "Bones" Brennan: Okay, I'm a genious, and I'm confused
- Bones
-
This is from a movie called Sasquatch Mountain, one of the characters is yelling at the big foot:
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT HERE! SHOW YOUR FACE!
I wish I could find it on youtube, I'd post the link. :lol
But then it attacks him and throws him off a four foot ledge. He went after it with Glock 17 (.9 caliber pistol) why would he think that would kill it? It can take bullets from Desert Eagles (.50 caliber pistol). :blink:
-
Here's one from the movie Paying it Forward.
Mr. Simonet:*In his shirt and boxers, he walks down the hall hurriedly to the bathroom, only to meet Trevor there*
*Both stare at eachother for a few moments*
Trevor: It worked!
Mr. Simonet: *Turns around and walks back down the hall to his room. Trevor follows him.* What worked?
Trevor: You had a sleepover, didn't you?
:lol My whole class was laughing when he said that. :lol
-
Simpsons
*The family is going into the Witness Protection Program*
Agent: Let's practice for a bit. When I say "Hello Mr. Thompson", you say "hi".
Homer: Check.
Agent: Hello Mr. Thompson.
Homer: ...
Agent: Remember now, YOUR name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I got ya.
Agent: Hello Mr. Thompson.
Homer: ...
SOME TIME LATER
Agent: Ugh... now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello Mr. Thompson. *Stomps down on foot*
Homer: ...*Leans over to another agent* I think he's talking to you.
-
Another quote from Paying it Forward
Mr. Simonet: Well, what if we take all those problems and flip them right on the ass-don't tell your parents I said that.
*Kids start laughing*
And so do I :lol
-
Iago: *is stuck in a dor, tugging on Jafar's robe* Jafar, can you help me out here? Jafar I'm stuck.....Jafar can you... *is slammed in the head by Jafar's foot* Oww that hurt!
- Aladdin
-
Family Matters: A Pirate's Life For Me.
Pirate: "What be your name?"
Carl: "Carl".
Pirate: "Carl, that be a pompus name".
*laughter*
Pirate: We can't fight and plunder and pillage for someone named Carl!"
Steve: "He called you pompus big guy".
Pirate: "Big guy? Captain Big Guy, I likes that".
Carl: "Captain Big Guy,catchy".
Pirates: "ALL HAIL CAPTAIN BIG GUY!!!"
-
lol that is pretty funny..
-
Scott Pilgrim
Scott: I dislike you.
Todd Ingram: Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.
Scott: What?
Todd Ingram: Because you'll be dust by Monday.
Scott: Um...
Todd Ingram: Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. And the cleaning lady? She cleans up DUST. *Awkward pause* She dusts.
Scott: So... why Monday?
Todd Ingram: Because... it's Friday now, and she has the weekends off. So Monday... right?
:lol
-
Booth: *is picking a lock* If anyone asks, it was open
Bones: No it's not
*Booth looks at her and Bones gets it*
Bones: Ohhhh
- Bones
-
Family Guy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzwWGPDkSqw&feature=relmfu (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzwWGPDkSqw&feature=relmfu)
-
The Bridge of Death (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV0tCphFMr8)
-
Todd: Okay this is really creeping me out. My TV just exploded.
Nicky: Your damn right it exploded!... I mean really?
- Little Nicky
-
The Simpsons "Mom and Pop Art"
Homer: Yeah... that's one fine looking barbecue pit.
*Lowers picture of barbecue pit to reveal a bunch of bricks, cement, and junk*
Homer: WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!
*Homer screams in frustration and rage; then picks up a crowbar and smashes the pile of junk*
Homer: WHY? WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?!?!?!?!
*meanwhile*
Marge: How's your father's project coming along?
Bart: I think he's almost done.
*Homer charges the junk pile with an umbrella*
Homer: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bart: Yeah, he's done.
-
Doctor Doom: *after winning a battle* The applause shall continue for another hour. The first person to stop clapping shall be executed.
Spider-Man: *in regards to Wesker* You may have great power Albert, but you're not very responsible
Hulk: *calling in Ammeratsu to tag himself out* Dog!
- Marvel vs Capcom 3
-
From Family Guy...
Captain Kirk: Alright men, this is a dangerous mission and its likely that one of us will be killed. The landing party will myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Ricky.
Ensign Ricky: Aww crap!
-
Bender: You may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by "devil", I mean the Robot Devil. And by "metaphorically" I mean get your coat.
- Futurama
-
a few zapp brannigan quotes from futurama
"Your a brave robot, son, but when i'm in command, every mission's a suicide mission!
"you win again gravity!"
"Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with his ship"
Kiff: "Why, that's surprisingly noble of you sir!"
"No, it's noble of you, Kiff! As of now, your the new captain!"
-
Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Kim: Where's Knives? Not coming tonight?
Scott: No we broke up. Check this out, I learned the bass line from Final Fantasy 2.
*Plays bass line*
Everyone Else: :blink:
Kim: Scott you are the salt of the earth.
Scott: Thanks. *Keeps playing*
Kim: ...I meant scum of the earth.
Scott: Thanks. *Keeps playing*
-
Dean: There's Sam Girls and Dean Girls and... What's a slash fan?
Sam: As in Sam slash Dean. Together.
Dean: Like together, together? They do know we're brothers, right?
Sam: Doesn't seem to matter.
Dean: Oh, come on, that... that's just sick!
- Supernatural
-
Being a fan of the Nostalgia Critic has exposed me to many a hilarious line, including my favourite from Suburban Commando:
"CHRIST! I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"
-
A line used in almost every other episode of Mystbusters
"Now there's you're problem!"
-
From the tv show, iCarly,
Carly: What would Knug-Knug from Galaxy Wars be doing here in Seattle?
Spencer: Hugging me!
-
Any Jerry Lewis quote.
-
Zombies: The zombies....they're coming....
- Plants vs. Zombies (Yes, they do say that in the game at the start of a level :p)
-
Simpsons Movie
Bart: Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
Homer: Bart, if you love fish like I do then you'd want them to die with dignity.
-
Paddy: You were relocated to re-populate.
Kate: Ah!
Humphrey: Oh, sounds good to me.
[Kate puts her paw under Humphrey's chin]
Kate: No
:p
-
Bender: "You know, sometimes I wish your parents were still alive." Pauses. "Not often though." Hugs Fry.
-
From an episode of The Three Stooges:
Curly: "Hey! I've got a great idea in the back of my head!"
Moe: "Oh yeah! Well, how 'bout bringin' it up front?!"
*Pops Curly on the back of the head*
:lol :lol
-
Red vs Blue
*Tex fights the Reds and Tucker. At one point it looks like Tex is about to kill Grif with a shotgun... until it's revealed that it has no ammo.*
Sarge: Private Grif; you should be ashamed of yourself. We're fried on ammo again! That's YOUR responsibility!
Grif: Huh. I guess this is the first time my laziness has ever actually saved my-
*Tex puts a boot on Grif's gut, then prepares to use the shotgun as a golf club*
Grif: *Vainly holds up a traffic cone* PROTECT ME CONE!!!!
-
From Spaceballs.
Computer: This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.
Skroob: "Cancellation button?" Hurry!
Dark Helmet: Where is it? Where is it?
Colonel Sandurz: It's gotta be here!
[They open a housing, where the button has an "Out of Order" tag on it.]
Dark Helmet: Out of order?! ****! Even in the future, nothing works!
-
The classic Tootsie Pop ad
Boy: Mr. Turtle; how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop?
Mr. Turtle: I never made it without biting. Ask Mr. Owl.
LATER ON...
Boy: Mr. Owl; how any licks does it take to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop?
Mr. Owl: Let's find out. *Takes Tootsie Pop and starts licking it*
Mr. Owl: LICK One. LICK Two. LICK Three. CRUNCH!!! *Hands Tootsie Pop stick to boy* Three.
Boy: <_<
-
THIS! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjpObUPEJpg) Warning: Contains language! Picard seems to have lost his cotton-picking mind!
-
From the Rifftrax verion of The Fellowship of The Ring:
Aragorn: Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands
Mike: For some reason, it is now in our elbows.
-
Red vs. Blue
Donut:...I'm on this awesome diet.
Sarge: You're still on that high fat/low fiber liquid diet where you drink nothing but bacon grease?
Donut: Nah, that was just a fad.
Sarge: What's the new one?
Donut: I only eat foods that begin with vowels.
Simmons: That sounds really hard; what did you have for breakfast?
Donut: Eggs and Oreos. And for lunch I'm having asparagus... and Oreos.
Grif: Holy crap, I've been on that diet for years. I had no idea I was so healthy! I even cut out the eggs! And I don't even know what asparagus is.
-
Guy 1: (packing fridge with Bud Lite) And we are set for the party!
Guy 2: But how are we gonna stop people drinking them all?
Guy 1 pulls a lever on the wall and the fridge rotates into the wall
Guy 2: A secret rotating wall...dude, you're a genius.
(guys 1 and 2 fist-bump. Camera pans to other side of the wal to reveal another apartment with another guy taking all the Bud Lite out of the fridge)
Guy 3: GUYS, COME QUICK! The magic fridge is back!!
-
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Ramona: What kind of tea do you want?
Scott: There's more than one kind?
Ramona: We have... Blueberry, Raspberry, Ginseng, Green Tea, Green Tea with Lemon, Green Tea with Lemon and Honey, Liver Disaster, Ginger with Honey, Ginger without Honey, Vanilla Almond, White Truffle, Blueberry Walnut, Constant Comet, and... Earl Grey.
Scott: :blink: ...Did you make some of those up?
-
Chief Wiggum: *arresting Homer* Homer Simpson, I am placing you under arrest for the attempted murder of Mr. Burns
Homer: D'oh!
Chief Wiggum: That's what they all say, they all say d'oh
- The Simpsons
-
Spiderman: Shattered Dimensions
Electro: I have become a being of pure energy!
Ultimate Spiderman: WITHOUT PANTS!!!
--------------
Deadpool: Listen webby; I can't have you swinging around in your bunny pajamas breaking my cameras. You're gonna have to tangle with my army... And by army, I mean production assistants; And by production assistants I mean unpaid interns; And by unpaid interns I mean my fans. You're gonna have to tangle with my fans!
Ultimate Spiderman: ...Lamest. Super-villain. Ever.
-
DBZ Abridged
Super Kami Guru: So, Dende...sucks about your family.
Dende: We've gone over this!
Super Kami Guru: But do you know who also lost his family? ...Batman.
Dende: I don't know who that is!
Super Kami Guru: ...See? This is why we need TV!!!
Dende: Why?
Super Kami Guru: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Dende! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Dende! Dende! Dende!
-
Ghostbusters
Ray: You know, it's just occurred to me that we haven't really had a completely successful test of this equipment.
Spengler: I blame myself.
Peter: So do I.
Ray: Well, no sense worrying about it now.
Peter: Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.
Ray: ...Yup. Let's get ready; switch me on.
*Spengler powers up Ray's pack and it gives off a loud noise. Peter and Spengler back as far away from it as possible*
:lol
-
Super Kami Guru: Nail!!!! Take his coat!!!!
Frieza: I don't have a coat
Nail: *calling to Guru* He doesn't have a coat sir, and I believe this is the guy that's been killing our race
Super Kami Guru: *after a pause* Nail!!!! Don't take his coat!!!!
- DBZ Abridged
-
Robot Chicken:Jaws Parody:
Quint: For that you get the head, the tail, the who damn thing.
The Shark(in dusguise): I say we let him go!
Redwall The Abriged Series:
Janine from Ghostbusters: Hello Ghostbusters.
Cluny The Scourge: Is this an actual business?
Janine: Yeah we're serious.
Cluny: I need your help.
Janine: You do?
Cluny: I've been having these nightmares.
Janine: You have? What's your address?
Cluny: And then I hung up.
Cheesetheif: Why Chief?
Cluny: We have no address, WE LIVE IN A FOREST!!!
Cheesetheif: you don't mean..
Cluny: Yes, we must find another way to call....Ghostbusters!
Another from Redwall:TAS:
Matthias: I'm gonna be a great warrior!
Martin The Warrior's Ghost: That'll happen the day Brian Jaques decides to turn Redwall into a video game.
-
Ghostbusters
*Peter finds the Slimer ghost and contacts Ray over the radio*
Peter: Come in, Ray.
Ray: Peter, I saw it! I saw it! I saw it!
Peter: It's right here Ray. It's looking at me.
Ray: He's an ugly little spud; isn't he?
Peter: I think it can hear you Ray.
-
What? No, "He slimed me"? Tisk tisk.
Hmm? Just about everything that comes out of Bruce Campbell's mouth in Army of Darkness.
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."
-
^Fine, but only because you asked SO NICELY...
Ghostbusters
Ray: Venkman! What happened?! Are you okay?
Peter: He slimed me...
Ray: That's great! Actual physical contact! Can you move?
Spengler: Ray? Ray? Come in please.
Peter: I feel so funky...
Ray: Spengler, I'm with Venkman. He got slimed!
Spengler: That's great Ray! Save some for me.
-
Patrick Star: It's called the Ugly Barnacle. Once there was an Ugly Barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end
SpongeBob: *upset* That didn't help at all
- SpongeBob SquarePants
-
Portal 2
Cave Johnson: When Life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade... make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I don't want your damn lemons, What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it decided to give Cave Johnson lemons! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!!!!
:lol :lol
Long live Cave Johnson
-
Ah, another Cave Johnson fan XD
Johnny Cage: *going down line of fighters* I'm going to take you out, and I'm gonna take you out, and I'm gonna take you out, and I'm gonna take you out.... *realizes it's Sonya Blade* ....to dinner
- Mortal Kombat 9
-
From The Simpsons:
Bart: ''Dad are you licking toads?''
Homer: ''I'm not not licking toads.''
Homer licks the toad...
In the Labyrinth:
Sarah: That's not fair!
Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?
-
Portal 2
FUNNY WHEATLEY MOMENT
Wheatley: Most test subject do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been in there for quite a lot longer; and it's not out of the question that you may have a VERY minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed; alright? Or if you do feel alarmed, try to hold onto that feeling; because that is the proper reaction to being told that they have brain damage. Do you understand what I'm saying? Any of this make sense? Just tell me, just say "yes."
SCREEN SHOWS: PRESS "A" TO SPEAK// THE PLAYER JUMPS INSTEAD
Wheatley: Okay, what you're doing there is jumping... uh, you just jumped. But never-mind, say "apple." Apple.
SCREEN SHOWS: PRESS "A" TO SAY APPLE// THE PLAYER JUMPS AGAIN
Wheatley: Okay you know what... that's close enough.
:lol
-
Wheatly: *there is no elevator to head to the next area* The elevator's out of service....because....it melted....
- Portal 2
-
FUTURAMA
Quote
Bender: I'm going to build my own theme park! With blackjack! And %&$#!
-
some other Futurama quotes
Professor: At Bender. "He's Flat-Lining! Only one thing can keep him alive!" Gets a doomsday device. "Possibly this thing!"
---------------
Professor: "Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you." everyone gets in bed. "Feast your eyes... on *this*!"
Everyone gasps.
Leela: "It's beautiful!"
Amy: "And huge!"
Fry: "Can I touch it?"
----------------------
Fry: "Well, usually on the show someone would come up with a complicated plan then explain it with a simple analogy."
Leela: "Hmm. If we can re-route engine power through the primary weapons and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure."
Bender: "Like putting too much air in a balloon!"
Fry: "Of course! It's so simple!"
(And then...a bit later)
Leela: "It's not working! He's drawing straight from our weapons."
Fry: "Like a balloon and...something bad happens!"
-
PORTAL 2
Cave Johnson Quotes
"Alright let's get started! This first test involves something the lab boys call 'Repulsion Gel'. You're not part of the control group by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son-of-a-gun got blue paint. (Chuckles) All joking aside that did happen. Broke every bone in his legs. Tragic, but informative; or so I'm told."
"The lab boys have just informed me that I should NOT have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I 'atta stop making this pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: Make MORE pre-recorded messages. I paid the bills here I can talk about the control group all damn day!"
Lemon rant w/ GLaDOS reactions
Cave Johnson: Alright I've been thinking: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade...
GLaDOS: Yeah!
CJ: ...make life TAKE the lemons BACK!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
CJ: GET MAD!!!
GLaDOS: Yeah!!!
CJ: I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?!
GLaDOS: Yeah, take the lemons!
CJ: Demand to see Life's manager!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
CJ: Make life rue the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON lemons!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! I'm the man who's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!! With the lemons!!
GLaDOS: Oh I like this guy...
CJ: I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!
GLaDOS: Burn his house down!! He's saying what we're all thinking!!!
-
From Soul Eater
Black Star: Does...this mean...we'll still be friends?
Soul: YOU IDIOT!!!! OF COURSE WE'LL STILL BE FRIENDS!!!
Black Star: *tears up*
Soul *starts running towards him, Baywatch style: Black Star!
Black Star *does the same* : Oh, Soul!
Soul: Black Star!
*Does the same thing above for a few more minutes*
Soul and Black star hug.
Maka: Okay, these guy's need some professional help.
Black Star and Soul start crying and hugging one another and then they randomly get shot.
Kid: ...My fingers slipped.
-
Tristian: My voice gives me super strength!
Kemo: Yes! But my hair gives me the power to defy gravity!
Kemo: Attention Duelists! My hair is being assulted!
Yugi: Wait, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?
Kaiba: Yeah, so?
Yugi: Isn't that against the rules?
Kaiba: Screw the rules! I have money!
- Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series
-
Mystery Science Theatre: The Movie-
Tom Servo: (Having blocked a hole in the hull of the spaceship with his hoverskirt) Hey, I'm experiencing a sensation altogether new to me... and frankly, I LOVE IT!!!
All: (After a character in the film orders the screen set to "nomal view", cue dramatic music) nooorrrmalll vieeeeww, noooorrrmaaaall viiieew, NORRRMAL VIEWWWW, NOOOOORRRRRMMMMMMMMMAL VIIIIEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!1
-
Kung Fu Panda 2
Lord Shen: (Threatening Po) The only reason you're still alive... is because I find your stupidity mildly amusing.
-----------------------------------
Lord Shen: Call in the wolves! All of them! I want them ready to move! The Year of the Peacock begins now!
Wolf Boss: Right now? 'Cause its the middle of the year, so you'd only get, like, half of the Year of the Peacock.
Lord Shen: (brandishes a blade)
Wolf Boss: Ahem, this is the Year, of course, of the Peacock. Happy New Year, sir!
-
Groucho: Once I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How it got in my pajamas, I don't know.
Marx Brothers...as if you couldn't tell by "Groucho"...
-
MLP:FiM - "Over A Barrel"
Rainbow Dash: When we get to Appleoosa, you think we have to carry that heavy tree all the way from the train to the orchard?
Pinkie Pie: What tree? You mean Bloomberg?
Rainbow Dash: ...no. Fluttershy. (/sarcasm)
Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy's not a tree, silly.
...
Twilight: What's going on?
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash thinks Fluttershy's a tree.
Rainbow Dash: I do not think she's a tree, I was just--
Twilight: Did you say she was a tree?
Rainbow Dash: No! Well, yes, but... not exactly--
Twilight: You know she's not a tree, right?
Pinkie Pie: Well she's not a tree, Dashie!
...
Fluttershy: I'd like to be a tree.
-
Tea: Look! I think something exciting's happening
Yami: Blah, blah, card games blah
Pegasus: Blah, blah, blah, attack mode blah
Yami: Blah, blah, blah?
Pegasus: Blaaaah!
Tea: Ooops, my mistake
- Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series
-
Kung Fu Panda 2
"I never had any problems my dad. Maybe that's because Mom ate his head before I was born."
-Mantis-
-
Croquet: Everyone who has been working on the Egyptian God Cards is dead
Pegasus: *gasps* Even Chad from Accounting?
*cut to man being thrown out window*
Croquet: Especially Chad from Accounting
- Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series
-
Kung Fu Panda 2
-That Shen/Po exchange we all love-
Shen: The only reason you're still alive is because I find your stupidity... mildly amusing.
Po: Why thank you, and I find your evilness extremely annoying!
Shen: Who do you think you are, Panda?
Po: Who do YOU think I am, Peacock?
(BOTH LAUGH)
Po: ...Why are we laughing?
-
The Brave Little Toaster
The Radio: Boy, are we glad to see you!
Lampy: Yeah. I really thought I'd turned in my warranty that time.
The Radio: Until baggy here showed up!
Kirby: I just slipped and fell in. That's all.
Lampy: [laughing] Oh, yeah, sure, right.
Blanky: You can't fool us. We love you.
The Radio: That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
Kirby: Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the shore. Everybody off.
The Radio: Listen to this! This is President Roosevelt awarding the vaccum the medal of honor!
[Radio places a leaf on Kirby's face, but Kirby blows it off, and everyone laughs]
-
Homer: "Knife goes in, guts come out, Knife goes in, guts come out, Knife goes in, guts come out, Knife goes in, guts come out....."
- The Simpsons
-
Kung Fu Panda 2
"D'you see that? That's called being awesome."
-Po-
-----------
*Po and Five gets captured by Wolf Army*
Crane: You can chain my body; but you'll never chain my- *Neck gets chained* -warrior spirit.
------------
"Fear the bug!"
-Mantis-
-
Air Conditioner: What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line! Now get this through your chrome. We've been dumped! Abandoned!
Blanky: But he loved us.
The Radio: That's right.
Air Conditioner: So what? He's a kid. He has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a packaged deal.
Toaster: But maybe they're...
Air Conditioner: He's not coming back! Pure and simple!
Kirby: Oh yeah? Did you talk to him recently or something? They could drive up any second!
Blanky: You really think so?
Kirby: I'm not talking to you!
- The Brave Little Toaster
-
Joey: Did you really think I was that stupid to do something like that?
Marik: *rather quickly* YES!
- Yu-Gi-Oh!
-
Big Rigs:Over The Road Racing(AKA The Worst Game Of All Time):
"YOU'RE WINNER*
-
Washington "Caboose, throw that granade" he throws a granade
Caboose: throws granade into the wall in front of them, and it sticks to the wall
Washington: "That was the worst throw ever.... of all times"
Caboose: "Not my fault... someone put a wall in my way"
-
Team Fortress 2: Meet the Medic
Medic: ...wait, it gets better! When ze patient wakes up, his skelaton was missiong, and ze doctor was never heard from again!
(BOTH MEDIC AND HEAVY LAUGH)
Medic: Anyway... that's how I lost my medical license.
-
Kirby: Oh, come off it! Be serious.
Toaster: I *am* serious!
Kirby: You're insane!
The Radio: Why, if we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.
Toaster: What?
The Radio: Or maybe it was a basset hound.
Kirby: You're *all* insane!
- The Brave Little Toaster
-
From Futurama
Amy: "Oh no! Fry's gone missing!"
Bender: "Well, I didn't kill him! Professor?"
Professor: "No, I've been busy!"
I just think that's the funniest excuse for not killing someone ever :lol
-
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
*Scott is watching Ramona fight Roxie (The Fourth Evil Ex)
Scott: Wallace?
Wallace: Uh-huh?
Scott: This is happening right?
Wallace: Oh yeah. Kick her in the balls!
-
Don: Raph, everything ticks u off!
Raph: not everything!!........ Alright everything. TMNT :lol ;)
-
Kung Fu Panda 2
Soothsayer: I see... I see... I see pain. (plucks out one of Shen's feathers)
Shen: Ow!
Soothsayer: And anger. (bites Shen's robe)
Shen: How dare you! That is the finest silk in the province!
Soothsayer: Followed by denial.
Shen: This is not fortune-telling! You're just saying what is happening right--
Soothsayer: Now?
-
Winston: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a God, you say YES!
- Ghostbusters
Zeke: Man I just saw this Hellacious explosion, what was that?
Cole: Um...I blew up the gas station...
Zeke: C'mon, man! Just because you can't drive, doesn't mean no one else wants to! We could have used that.
Cole: Like you wouldn't have done the same thing.
(Beat)
Zeke: ...TouchÈ, capitan.
- inFamous
-
Kung Fu Panda 2
Tigress: I hope this turns out better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water.
Po: This plan is nothing like that plan.
Tigress: How?
Po: 'Cause this one's gonna work.
-
Cole: *about Kessler* Yet the thing that drove him forward...Kessler's sole link to the past, was a picture from his wedding day...when he married Trish, with Zeke as his best man...
- inFamous
-
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Bart: That dog's just f****d up.
---------------
[from a deleted scene]
Bart (referring to his mechanic who is a zombie now): **** you man! You did a s***** job! And look at you now!
---------------
Michael: So what's the plan?
CJ: The plan is you drink a nice tall glass of shut the f*** up.
Michael: That's one idea.
---------------
[from a deleted scene]
(Michael and Andre trying to open the mall's warehouse door, once open a zombie missing its lower half comes out, and they just stare)
Andre: That's...just crazy...
[They shoot the zombie]
---------------
[earlier in the scene above]
Michael: Open the door, I'll cover you. (Aims a 9MM revolver)
Andre (armed with a .45 CAL pistol): What?! This is your crazy a*s plan! You open the door!
Michael: Fine, I'll open it. [Pushes the door, and it fails to open] A little help?
Andre: Come on, man!
Even if what is going on in these scenes is supposed to be serious [except for the last two], I found these quotes to be hilarious. :lol:
-
Red vs Blue- Caboose Visits the Halo:Reach Campaign
*Caboose and Jorge are in the Sabre ship heading into space*
Caboose: I can't wait to start touching all of these buttons...
Jorge: Don't touch any buttons.
*Long Pause*
Caboose: ...Touch. *Touches button*
*Jorge gets sucked out into space*
Jorge: CABOOOOOOSEEEE...!
Caboose: Goodbye giant friend! Come back soon!
----------------------------------------------------------------
*The scene where Dr. Halsey gives Noble Six the AI unit*
Halsey: Do you have it?
Caboose: No, you won't let go.
Halsey: Say the words please.
Caboose: The words please.
----------------------------------------------------------------
*Caboose jumps over a sand dune near several other UNSC soldiers.*
Caboose: Man, that was super hard; don't try that.
Soldier: You jumped over a sand dune. It didn't look dangerous.
Caboose: Then how did I loose all my fingers?
*Holds up fist*
Soldier: What?!
Caboose: *Shows fingers* Just kidding!
Soldier: ****ing loser...
-
Along with Mythbusters, another show that I find to have many funny quotes is Top Gear. (Just so we're clear, I'm referring to the one shown in America on the History Channel.)
Here's one that appears many times on that show by more than one person.
(As the three guys in their cars stop to park, one of them appears to intentionally rear-end the guy in front of him.)
(Whoever just got rear-ended): Really?
-
Ryan: (as one of Charlie's Angel's) I didn't bring any weapons
Colin: (as Bosley) My pants are full of 'em
Ryan: (as one of Charlie's Angel's) Quick shoot something out of your pants that will go over that wall
- Whose Line Is It Anyway[/i]
-
Saw IV, during the scene with Jigsaw and Cecil:
Jigsaw: "I could let you go. That wouldn't serve you. I'll tell you what I will do, though. I'll give you a tool to reclaim your life, to discard the vices that have so corrupted your soul."
Cecil: "I don't have a f***ing soul."
Jigsaw: "Maybe you will in the next life, Cecil. You see, things aren't sequential. Good doesn't lead to good, nor bad to bad. People who steal, don't get caught, live the good life. Others lie, cheat and get elected. Some people stop to help a stranded motorist and get taken out by a speeding semi. There's no accounting for it. How you play the cards you're dealt...that's all that matters. Look at me. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"
Cecil: "Oh. Yeah. I understand. You're f***in' nuts!"
Jigsaw sets a large helmet of knives in front of Cecil*
Cecil: "Whoa! What the f*** is that?!"
John: "It's the tool. The tool that's going to save your life. I want to play a game."
I'm not sure why, but Jigsaw's expression in response to being told he's nuts and Cecil's reation to the helmet of knives are quite funny in this scene.
-
Time for some qoutes from the Nightmare On Elm Street series:
Dan: Krueger!
Freddy: Well, it ain't Dr. Seuss.
(A Nightmare On Elm Street 4)
Freddy: If the food don't kill ya, the service will.*laughs*
(A Nightmare on Elm Street 4)
Freddy: Hey, I beat my high score.*laughs*
(Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)
Freddy: *Reveals a game controller on his glove* Hey! You forgot the Power Glove!
(Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)
-
From Conker's Bad Fur Day
Conker: Aren't you a little short to be a grim reaper?
Gregg the Grim Reaper: Well, how many grim reapers have you met before, mate? What, what am I supposed to look like?
Conker: Yeah, that's a good point, and well made
-
Vegeta: *sees Gohan transform* Oh no! The kid's a monkey! Destructo Disk!
Krillin: The f**k!?
- Dragon Ball Abridged
Doesn't help that the Destructo Disk is actually Krillin's move :smile
-
In the Batman: TAS episode "The Last Laugh".
Batman crushes the Joker's robot clown henchman in a garbage compactor which results in one of the most epic Joker lines ever...
Joker: You killed Captain Clown! YOU KILLED CAPTAIN CLOWN!!!!
And he totally sounds serious and pissed off when he says it too, making it even more funny and a little scary.
-
Homer: Hello? Dominos? What do you mean you're not open? No! You call me back during business hours! No! I'll show you who's a recorded message!
- The Simpsons
I just heard that on TV and I almost chocked on what I was eating from laughing at that line XD
-
Here's a few funny quotes from Top Gear (the American version on the History Channel).
Adam (seeing Rutledge wearing what used to be an inflatable alligator): You could not had pick a more ridiculous outfit! (he sees Tanner arrive, who is wearing a hazmat suit and gas mask) Apparently I was wrong.
(after Rutledge's car breaks down and he has to push it through the streets of San Francisco)
Adam (over the radio in his car): Hey, Tanner? Remember that victory dance he did after winning the push race? Well now he can do it uphill in an alligator suit.
This one comes from a different episode.
(Rutledge and Adam are practicing a racing video game, while Tanner is practicing the real deal on the real track)
Adam: How do you think Tanner is doing?
Rutledge: I'd have to say he might be struggling as much as we are.
Adam: I sure hope not. (his virtual car slams head-on into the wall and flips over) 'Cause he'd be dead.
-
Spiderman: Edge of Time
*Present Spiderman has just destroyed a massive robot prototype that Future Spiderman was fighting*
Present Spiderman: There's nothing left here to trash. Are you still there?
Future Spiderman: For the most part.
Present: Did they turn into something else? Like, I dunno... kittens?
*Future Spiderman is now surrounded by dozens of man sized robots*
Future Spiderman: Yeah... Small. Metal. Robotic. Killer Kittens.
Present Spiderman: Aww...
-
Peter: *singing to the Jaws theme whilst swimming with a shark fin on his head*
Hehehehehehehe
I'm half shark, and half Peter
Don't come near me or I'll eat you
Hehehehehehehehe
- Family Guy
Jaws: Rawr!
Fisherman #1: Stop eating out boat Jaws!
Jaws: Rawr! I'm goona eat your boat, then I'm gonna eat you guys! Rawr!
Bigger Jaws: *not far from boat* Rawr!
Jaws: Oh my god, what was that!?
Fisherman #1: It's Bigger Jaws!
Jaws: *unenthusiastically* Oh my god, now we have a common enemy, now we have to work together.....
- Bigger Jaws (Family Guy)
-
The Simpsons
*Homer is skiing uncontrollably down a slope*
Homer: Okay, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said...
*In a thought bubble next to Homer*
Instructor: If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is-
*Scene in thought bubble switches to Ned Flanders in a slim ski outfit*
Flanders: It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. NOTHING AT ALL!
Homer: Gah! STUPID SEXY FLANDERS!!!!
-
Lisa: I need a challenge!
*dog shows up and growls at her*
Lisa: I mean a mental challenge!
*dogs stops growling, shrugs and walks off*
- The Simpsons
Pinkie Pie: *after Twilight has told them all to be quiet* And then I said "Oatmeal, are you crazy!?"
- My Little Ponny: Friendship is Magic
-
Sealab 2021
*Captain Murphy is attempting to bend a metal spoon with his mind*
Stormy: Captain, it's not the spoon you wish to bend... but rather, the WILL of the spoon.
Murphy: You just bought yourself a ticket to pretzel town buddy!
*Murphy tries unsuccessfully to bend Stormy*
Murphy: ...Damn your non-metal body!
-
Jack Sparrow: Where's that monkey? I need something to shoot
- Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
-
Red vs Blue
Simmons: How many snack cakes have you had today?
Grif: None.
Simmons: ...
Grif: Okay five...or more. Baker's dozen at most.
Simmons: Do you even KNOW how many there is in a Baker's dozen?
Grif: By my count... fourty-eight.
-
Megatron: Soundwave! Energize the forcefields!
Soundwave: What forcefields?
- G1 Transformers
-
The Simpsons
*During filming for the Radioactive Man movie, Wolfcastle is washed away in acid.*
Wolfcastle: My eyes! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!!!!
------------------------
Red vs. Blue
*The Reds are attempting to restore power to their base*
Sarge: It seems to me that Blue Base is online... We need to get someone over there, see how they did it. Simmons, that'll be you.
Simmons: Why me?
Sarge: I don't think Grif could possibly figure out how electricity works. I'm not even certain he knows what it is.
Grif: The man's right, I have no idea.
Simmons: *sigh* Whatever.
Grif: No, seriously, I have no idea. I always thought it was some kind of invisible magic.
Simmons: Shut up.
------------------------------
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
*Pinke Pie and Spike are broadcasting the Running of the Leaves*
Spike: You know Pinkie, these two ponies (Rainbow Dash and Applejack) have a bit of a grudge match they're trying to settle. Trying to prove who's the most athletic.
Pinkie Pie: Yes, and "grudge" rhymes with "fudge."
Spike: Yes, it...does...what?
Pinkie Pie: And I like fudge. But if I eat too much fudge, I get a pudge, and then I can't budge.
Spike: So...no fudge...?
Pinkie Pie: Oh no thanks. I had a big breakfast.
Spike: :blink:
-
The Riddler: Congratulations Batman, you figured out how to open a door
***
Two-Face: Two guns bitch!
- Batman: Arkham City
-
MLP: FiM
Rainbow Dash: Now, what have we learned?
Fluttershy: Lots of control.
RD: Good.
FS: Screaming and hollering.
RD: Yes, and most importantly?
FS: Passion.
RD: Right! So now that you know the elements of a good cheer, let's hear one.
FS: (Very softly) Yay.
RD: You're gonna cheer for me like THAT? Louder.
FS: (Same tone) Yay.
RD: Louder!
FS: (Same tone) Yay.
RD: LOUDER!!!!
FS: (Takes deep breath, then in same tone) Yay.
RD: *Groans and falls over*
FS: ...Too loud?
--------------------------------------
Red vs Blue: Reconstruction
*Simmons is hacking into Command's network on info on the Blues*
Sarge: What're you finding out, Simmons?
Simmons: Looks like all the Blue records are here, I just don't have the access to delete them. I'm trying to work around that right now.
Grif: Ooh, try hacking the mainframe.
Simmons: This isn't a mainframe system.
Grif: How 'bout cracking it, would cracking it work?
Simmons: Grif shut up! Stop making suggestions when you have no idea what you're talking about.
Grif: Well, if you want help-
Simmons: I don't want help.
Grif: Maybe you should explain what's going on, and I could make an educated suggestion.
Simmons: Ehducated? Okay, fine. This computer is a dedicated interface with a highly developed security protocol. The information we are accessing is stored on a separate database with its own dedicated hardware. That system has its own distinct layer of security. From what I can tell, the two systems verify their identities by trading randomly generated two thousand fifty six bit encryption keys. I'm tryin' to spoof one of those keys right now. So, Grif. I'm all ears. Any suggestions?
Grif: Oh yeah, I've seen that before. You should try uploading a virus to the mainframe.
Simmons: Jesus.
Grif: I find viruses that feature a laughing skull tend to work the best.
Simmons: Shut the (CENSORED) up and let me work!
-
Hostage: *about The Riddler* So, why don't you just give him what he wants?
Batman: Because he's insane
- Batman: Arkham City
Homer: Can't murder now, eating
- The Simpsons
-
FIM
(Apple Bloom clucks like a chicken)
Scootaloo: What are you doing?
Apple Bloom: Calling out to the chicken
Scootaloo: That's not how you call a chicken.
Apple Bloom: Then show me how to do it.
Scootaloo: I don't need to show you, that's just not how to do it.
Apple Bloom: You just won't do it because you're chicken.
Scootaloo: I am not.
Apple Bloom: Wait, now I do know how to call a chicken. "Scootaloo....Scoot....Scoot... Scootaloo
Scootaloo: That's so funny I forgot to laugh
Apple Bloom: You also forgot how to call a chicken.
*Sticks tongue out*
-
Kung Fu Panda 2
Tigress: I hope this turns out better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water.
Po: This plan is nothing like that plan.
Tigress: How?
Po: 'Cause this one's gonna work.
-
Scootaloo: Wouldn't that be cool to have that as a cutie mark?
Apple Bloom: "Cool", if you were actually victoryful at something
Sweetie Belle: That's not a word!
Scootaloo: What are you? A dictionary?
Sweetie Belle: It's not chaos you dodo!
Scootaloo: Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of!
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
-
MLP: FiM
Rainbow Dash: When we get to Appleloosa, you think we'll have to carry that heavy tree all the way from the train to the orchard?
Pinkie Pie: What tree? You mean Bloomberg?
Rainbow Dash :(Sarcastic tone) No, Fluttershy.
Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy's not a tree, silly!
Twilight Sparkle: What's going on?
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash thinks Fluttershy's a tree!
Rainbow Dash: I do not think she's a tree! I was just--
Twilight Sparkle: Did you say she was a tree?
Rainbow Dash: No! Well, yes. But not exactly--
Twilight Sparkle: You know she's not a tree, right?
Pinkie Pie: She's not a tree, Dashy!
Fluttershy: I'd like to be a tree...
The Simpsons
"I know I'm not normally a praying man; but if you can hear me please... save me Superman!"
-Homer Simpson-
-
Scootaloo: Wouldn't that be cool to have that as a cutie mark?
Apple Bloom: "Cool", if you were actually victoryful at something
Sweetie Belle: That's not a word!
Scootaloo: What are you? A dictionary?
Sweetie Belle: It's not chaos you dodo!
Scootaloo: Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of!
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Which episode was that in? I missed the hilarioty of the episode in question.
-
That was the first episode of the 2nd season.....where the CMC fight and release Discord by mistake.
Bart: And Homer went beserk when he [Mr. Burns] couldn't remember his name
Homer: *loudly* BESERK IS RIGHT!!!
Marge: Homer, use your indoor voice!
Homer: *yelling* I DON'T HAVE AN INDOOR VOICE!!!
- The Simpsons
-
The Simpsons
*While filling out a form*
Mr. Burns: Let's see, social security number: 000-00-0002. Damn you Roosenvelt... Cause of parents death: Got in my way...
*The Simpson family is having dinner in Mr. Burns' dining room at a large table*
Lisa: Mom! Bart's making faces at me! *Looks through binoculars, but can't see Bart clearly* I think...
Homer: LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!!!!!!
-
Dr. Doof: *seeings Perry fighting robots* Wait, why does their platypus know kung fu?
*Perry sighs and puts on his fedora*
Dr. Doof: Perry the Platypus!?
- Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension
Dr. Doof: What kind of plumber are you?
*Perry takes off plumber's hat*
Dr. Doof: A platypus plumber?
*Perry puts on his fedora*
Dr. Doof: Perry the Platypus plumber?
*Perry takes off his plumbing belt*
Dr. Doof: Perry the Platypus!
- Phineas and Ferb
-
Bruce Almighty
*Jim Carrey's angry rant*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bprg2_s9mg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bprg2_s9mg)
*Steve Carrel's News Report*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iplfWUtKMzI&feature=relmfu (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iplfWUtKMzI&feature=relmfu)
-
Zoidberg: *is underwater* No! My house! Burned to the ground! How did this happen!?
Hermes: That is a very good question
Bender: So that's where I left my cigar *picks up cigar and smokes it underwater*
Hermes: That just raises further questions!
- Futurama
Cave Johnson: If the laws of physics no longer apply to you in the future, then god help you
- Portal 2
-
Drawn Together
Xander: Hey, did you bring the tickets for the zoo?
Captain Hero: What? I thought you had them!
*Xander pulls out the two tickets and they start laughing*
Captain Hero: Oh Xander... if you ever joke like that again, I will ****ing kill you... LOOK OUT ZOO HERE WE COME!
--------------------
Captian Hero: This looks like a job for CAPTAIN HERO! UP UP AND AWAY- Oh wait. I need my magic pixie dust.
*Runs off camera and can be heard snorting the "magic pixie dust" he then runs back on screen*
Captian Hero: I'M CAPTAIN ****ING HERO AND I CAN'T FEEL MY ****ING FACE!
*Flies out window*
-
Homer: I don't have to be careful, I gotta gun!
Store clerk: *attaches big cannon thing to end of gun* Aaaand this is for shooting down police helicopters
Homer: Oh I don't need anything like that....yet, just give me my gun
Store clerk: Sorry, but the law requires a 5 day waiting period, we've got to run a background cheek
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now *gun is taken off him* I'd kill you if I had my gun
Store clerk: Yeah well, you don't
- The Simpsons
-
Red vs Blue
*The Reds, Blues, and Tex are discussing plans on attacking O'Malley's base. Tex mentions that O'Malley has recruited one of the Battle Creek Reds.*
Caboose: Oh, I like them. They were funny.
Tucker: Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a FLAG.
Caboose: I try not to remember the bad things about people.
Tucker: That's ALL they tried to do. There were no good things!
Caboose: That's okay, I have a really bad memory-WOW LOOK WE'RE ON A BEACH!
-
Homer: *instructing Marge on howto fly a hot air balloon* Now honey, I want you to pull the thing, that's next to the other thing
Marge: You mean, this thing? *fire burns Homer's head*
Homer: No, that was not the thing....
- The Simpsons
-
RED VS BLUE
*A series of flashbacks detailing Sarge's dislike for Grif*
Simmons: Sarge, Grif was spying on the Blues and they captured him!
Sarge: What did you find out, are they planning something?
Simmons: No, they were just standing around talking like always, but now they're gonna kill him!
Sarge: Well, it was worth it.
*Cut to Simmons and Sarge inside the Blood Gulch base*
Sarge: The base looks so clean, Simmons! Excellent work.
Simmons: Yeah, too bad Grif was almost killed by his allergic reaction to the cleaning supplies.
Sarge: It was worth it.
*Cut to Sarge and Simmons standing over Grif on fire*
Simmons: ...
Sarge: ...Worth it.
-
*Homer is in the middle of the road and has run into Mr. Burns*
Mr. Burns: *eyes narrow at him* Shouldn't you be at work?
Homer: Uh, yes sir, Mr. Burns sir
Mr. Burns: Then get back to wherever it is you work, whoever you are
- The Simpsons
Filly Rarity: A rock!? That's my destiny!? What is your problem horn!? I followed you all the way out here, for a rock!? Ugh! Dumb rock! *rock cracks open to reveal gems and Rarity's face lights up with glee*
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
-
*I was watching Gnomeo and Juliet and Juliet was talking to Gnomeo through the fence, with Nanette lifting her up*
Nanette: "You know he's going to ditch ya when he finds out how much you weigh."
-
(Lately, I've been addicted to the videogame Portal 2 ever since I got it and have been enjoying every minute I play it! Also, here are my two favourite quotes!)
"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!" --Cave Johnson from Portal 2
"GLaDOS: [Chell and GLaDOS are falling down a very long shaft] Oh. Hi. So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO!
[claps slowly three times]
GLaDOS: Oh good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts. He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
[clap clap]
GLaDOS: Good, that's still working. Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it? Just remember to land on one foot..." --GLaDOS from Portal 2
-
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
-The Show Stoppers-
Scootaloo: OK, so that's six wooden planks, 4x8 plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes. Anything else?
Sweetie Belle: Yeah... Instructions on how to use six wooden planks, 4x8 plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes.
-Swarm of the Century-
Rarity: I don't have time for some silly scavenger hunt! I've got a real problem...
Pinkie Pie: You've got a real problem all right, and a banjo is the only answer!
Red vs. Blue
-Sarge, Grif, and Donut are standing over what they believe is Simmons' body-
Grif: Simmons is... dead?
Donut: I can't believe he's gone.
Sarge: Well, you know what they say at a time like this: he may be dead, but he's never truly gone... until we get rid of all his gross body parts. Grif, go fetch a garbage pail.
Grif: Sarge, I'm grieving here, can't making up excuses to avoid work wait 'til later?
-Season 8: The Reds and Tucker are fighting Tex. As a running gag, Tucker's armor gets burnt to a black color every time he goes through a teleporter, matching Tex's armor color. Simmons aims a rocket launcher at Tex while she is fighting (and beating) Tucker.-
Sarge: Simmons, what are you waiting for?
Simmons: They look the same, which one do I shoot?!
Tucker: SHOOT THE ONE THAT'S WINNING DUMB-ASS!!!
-
Wheatly: *the elevator is gone* Oh, uh the elevator is out of order because it uh....melted....
- Portal 2
-
-Futurama-
Bender: You seem kinda wound up there buddy. And your face looks greasy, REALLY GREASY. You been up all night?
Fry: Of course I've been up all night! And it's not just from coffee, it's from insomnia; I can't stop thinking about it! I need a nap. (Sleeps for one second) COFFEE TIME!!!
-The Simpsons-
Groundskeeper Willie: Lunch-lady Dorris, 'ar you got any grease?
Dorris: Yes, yes we do.
Groundskeeper Willie: THEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN!!! (Rips shirt off)
Dorris: :blink: ...Okey-dokey...
-
Mythbusters:
(Tory and Grant are riding in a car that Kari is driving around in circles.)
Grant: I don't like carpooling. Can we not carpool anymore?
(Later, after Kari stops the car and steps out.)
Kari: I love when I get to drive.
(A group of airplanes are flying in a "conga line" formation, with Tory riding in one of them, and it is a very rough ride.)
Tory: I hate the conga line! Why are we doing this!?
(Adam is holding a manhole cover that is labeled "2".)
Adam: I think it's clear that if there's a methane explosion in a sewer, number two will go flying.
-
Red vs Blue: MIA
*The Reds and Blues are looking for Grif*
Sarge: Where are we?
Simmons: Uhm... don't worry, the city has to be around here somewhere.
Church: You've been saying that for the past three hours; just admit it: we're lost! You have no idea where the city is.
Simmons: We're not lost, I know where the city is! (Awkward pause) I just don't know where we are in relation to it.
Church: That's what "lost" means!
Simmons: Hey, I'm not used to driving; normally Grif does that.
Church: Then what do you do?
Simmons: I navigate.
Church: Then how did we get lost?!
Simmons: We're not lost, I just don't know where we are right now.
Church: STOP SAYING THE DEFINITION OF "LOST" AND THEN SAYING WE'RE NOT IT!!!!
Caboose: Okay, now I'm lost.
Everyone else: Join the club.
-
Homer: Marge! I'm going a hardcore gay club and I wont be back until 3 in the morning!
Marge: Have fun!
- The Simpsons
-
MLP: FiM
Rainbow Dash: Alright, now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I'm looking for in a pet. Speed, agility, guts, style. Coolness. Awesomeness. And radicalness.
Twilight Sparkle: Aren't those all the same thing?
Rainbow Dash: You would think that, Twilight. And that's why you would never qualify to be my pet.
-----------------------------
Red vs. Blue
*The Reds and Blues are flying in to the battle in a Pelican Dropship*
Sarge: There they are! Grif, land right next to them!
Grif: Right... land...
Sarge: You do know how to land this vehicle don't you?
Grif: Sure. That just means "stop flying"; right?
Sarge: BRACE FOR IMPACT!
Tucker: Oh ****, this is gonna suck!
Caboose: I still haven't got my peanuts.
*After the crash*
Sarge: Grif! Look what you did to the ship!
Grif: Eh, **** it; it's a rental.
Sarge: Good point; **** it. *Kicks the ship, and it falls over the cliff*
-
Amy: "He knows when you are sleeping."
Professor: "He knows when your on the can."
Leela: "He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
Hermes: "Oh, you better not breath, you better not move."
Bender: "You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude."
Fry: "Santa Claus is gunning you down!"
Merry XMas everyone! :p
-
Red vs. Blue: MIA
*Simmons can't find Grif anywhere*
Simmons: He could be laying somewhere right now in trouble! He could even be dying! I'm worried, sir.
Sarge: What are you worried about?
Simmons: I'm... worried about all the stuff I just said.
Sarge: Well, don't worry Simmons. I'm sure that Grif is either perfectly fine, or he's dead.
Simmons: That seems like two extreme scenarios, sir.
Sarge: Not really, in either case, he'll just spend most of the day laying around and smelling bad. That effect on us is the same.
Simmons: You make a strong point, sir.
-
Peter: I'm gonna go put on my Donald Duck costume....hang on a sec *walks off screen, returns moments later in a sailor's shirt and hat, but with no pants on*
- Family Guy
-
Red vs. Blue: New Year's Eve Special
*The Reds are coming up with their Resolutions*
Sarge: Okay let's review: Grif resolves to quit drinking, smoking, and over-eating.
Grif: **** that; I'm no quitter!
Sarge: Also to die. Simmons will resolve on controlling his anger.
Simmons: I DON'T HAVE A GOD-DAMN ANGER CONTROL ISSUE!!!
Sarge: And Donut will resolve to not impersonate that cartoon skunk, Pepe le Pew, during staff meetings.
Donut: (In French accent) Oui, oui; my precious flower...
------------------------------
*The Blues are also coming up with their Resolutions*
Church: Okay guys, we gotta come up with some really great resolutions. I believe in you guys, you're all smart, and creative, and you have lots of different ideas. In fact, I think that this is the best team ever.
*Tucker, Tex and Caboose are there too, and Caboose is facing backwards*
Caboose: Where is Church? I can hear him, but I can't see him.
Church: I know you guys can do it.
Caboose: I think I am invisible.
Tucker: Thanks man. Hey, wait a minute, what's your New Year's resolution?
Church: I have resolved to do a much better job, motivating all of you retards. In fact I'll tell you what if you can't come up with things that you need to change about yourself, I have compiled a list of areas that each of you can improve in. For some of you it's very long.
Tucker: I'm gonna show more respect to women. Chicks totally fall for all that sincerity crap.
Tex: I guess if I have to have a New Year's resolution, maybe I can try settling my differences with people, without resorting to violence.
Tucker: That's a great idea. You should try settling them by resorting to sex.
Tex: I was thinking diplomacy.
Tucker: Tex, it's "sex and violence." Who ever heard of "diplomacy and violence?" Go for the sex. I do.
Church: Tucker.
Tucker: What? We still have a few more hours before the contest starts.
Tex: We do? Good.
*Tex punches Tucker in the arm so hard that he falls over and bleeds*
Tucker: Ow, son of a- woman, you just lost all my respect.
Church: Well, so much for both of those ideas. Hey Caboose, what's your resolution?
Caboose: I don't think we should be part of a revolution. I love my country, and I think we should support our troops!
Tucker: Caboose, we are our troops.
Church: Hugggh, dear God. I hope this year isn't as long as last year.
-
Jack Black: Hey Animal, what are you doing here?
Animal: Acting! *small pause* Natural!
Kermit: Everyone's here, even you guys who weren't in the montage
Selena Gomez: *arriving at the Muppet telethon* I don't know why I'm here, my agent just told me to show up
Neil Patrick Harris: *answering a phone at the telethon* Muppet telethon, no I don't know why I'm here
- The Muppets
-
From Final Destination 5 (not sure what the character's name was, so I'll just post the quote)
(after Sam gets told that a customer wanted his money back for what he payed for tasting flat, another cook tastes it.) "The customer's an ass***e, the bourguignon is good."
He said it such a dead pan, yet hilarious, tone I laughed for five minutes straight after I heard that.
-
Rooster Teeth Shorts: Jump!
*Burnie, Chris, and Brandon are all frozen mid-air*
Burnie: Someone's bound to come along eventually, maybe we should just wait this out.
Chris: We'll have to eat each other guys, one by one.
Brandon: Hey, I think the janitor comes in at 9!
Chris: We'll eat him too... Wait something's wrong with me. Do I look older? Do I look like I'm aging horribly fast? Do I look older?
Burnie: No man you're frozen; and I'm pretty sure you're not aging at all right now.
Chris: Oh my God I'm not aging at all! What if I'm aging backwards?! Wait... GUYS I'M FROZEN!!!!
Burnie: We know... <_<
-
Thompson: Thompson, where are you?
Thompson: It appears that I'm downstairs, do try and keep up
- The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
-
Dragonball Z Abridged
*During the fight between Goku and Vegeta, Vegeta is punched into a cliff*
Vegeta: This...proves...nothing!
Goku: Are you okay in there?
Vegeta: Yeah, I'm fan-f***ing-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.
Goku: Oh really?! Can I come in too?!
Vegeta: ...I'm surrounded by idiots.
Goku: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream.
Vegeta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I LOVE HOW NAIVE AND DUMB GOKU IS IN THAT SERIES.
-
DRAGONBALL Z ABRIDGED
*After the fight with the Ginyu Force, Gohan, Krillin, and Vegeta put Goku in a healing tank*
Gohan: So, what exactly is this?
Vegeta: It's a healing tank. This will bring the idiot back to full strength.
Goku: (Thinking) Heh heh, the bubbles tickle! Heh-ow. It hurts to laugh. (Continues laughing and saying "Ow")
Vegeta: It'll take a while though. This is the only other model the ship has. And it's kind of an old one.
Krillin: What happened to the newer model?
Vegeta: Blew it the f*** up.
Krillin: What, did it have an opinion?
Vegeta: Eat me. Now both of you... STRIP.
Krillin: :blink: Uh...
Vegeta: I got body armor for you.
Krillin: Less awkward.
-
Lucy: You just shot yourself!
John: It seemed like a good idea at the time....
Mathew: You just killed a helicopter with a car!
John: I was out of bullets
- Live Free of Die Hard
-
The Other Guys
"You have the right! To remain! SILENT! BUT I WANNA HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!!!"
Detective PK Highsmith
-
Bugs Bunny: (to Wile E. Coyote) Daddy! You're back from Peru! We thought you was run over by an elevator!
-
Don: Raph, everything ticks u off!
Raph: not everything!!........ Alright everything.
TMNT :lol :lol:
-
LOL Another Day 2
Omarouv: Fire!
*He and some other soldiers fire at bulletproof glass until their ammo runs dry*
Russian Soldier: Sir, we're out of ammo.
Omarouv: S**t.
-
Lisa: Well, would you look at the wonders of the Earth now?
Homer: Wonders Lisa? Or blunders?
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said
Homer: Implied Lisa? Or implode?
Lisa: *worried* Mum....make him stop....
- The Simpsons
-
SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
*During Scott's fight with Matthew Patel*
Scott: Wait! We're fighting over Ramona?!
Matthew: ...Didn't you get my E-Mail explaining the situation?
Scott: I skimmed it...
Matthew: YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!!!
-
Grandpa: *after Homer gets him a help monkey* *to himself* I can't wait to eat that monkey....
- The Simpsons
-
Don: Raph, everything ticks u off!
Raph: not everything!!........ Alright everything.
TMNT :lol :lol:
:lol
That also reminds me, from the first TMNT live-action film:
*Scene opens with the turtles sans Raphael watching Elmer Fudd chase Bugs Bunny*
Leonardo: "Ninja kick the damn rabbit!" :spit
-
DRAGONBALL Z ABRIDGED
Vegeta: So what are you doing here?
Gohan: Oh you know just flying around.
Vegeta: Flying around?
Gohan: Yeah, flying around.
Vegeta: Thwarting my plans?
Gohan: Thwarting your plans?
Vegeta: Are you?
Gohan: No.
Vegeta: Good; 'cause that would be bad.
Gohan: How bad?
Vegeta: I'd have to kill you.
Gohan: Oh, that's very bad.
Vegeta: Indeed.
-
(Edited to fix a typo)
I recently watched a trailer for The Avengers, and I couldn't stop laughing at this:
Loki: I have an army.
Tony Stark: We have a Hulk.
*cut to the Hulk, who is smashing every aircraft flying overhead*
:lol:
-
Candace: *annoyed, taking an order* Hashbrown or fruit!?
Customer: Hashbrown
Candace: You're having fruit
Customer: Aww....
- Phineas and Ferb
-
DRAGONBALL Z ABRIDGED
Dr. Briefs: Goku!
Goku: Hi Dr. Briefs.
Dr. Briefs: Goku what have you done?! You've blasted off into space! You're incredibly luck I've already set the coordinates for Namek, but you- (Notices that Goku is holding a muffin) you... where did you get that muffin?
Goku: Muffin button.
Dr. Briefs: But I never installed a muffin button.
Goku: Then where did I get this muffin?
Dr. Briefs: Listen very close Goku; whatever you do, don't mess with the gravity controls. It goes up to 100 times Earth's normal gravity.
Goku: So what you're saying is... if I turn up the gravity... then I can get stronger!
Dr: Briefs: No! What I'm saying is it could crush your bones! The detrimental effects could be catastrophic; you may never be able to walk again!
Goku: Bored now. Gotta train. Bye bye!
Dr. Briefs: GOKU WAIT-!
(Goku cuts off transmission)
Goku: ...I like his mustache.
-
Fred: Quick, into the abandoned factory, we'll be safe around all the dangerous machinery!
- Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated.
-
Dragonball Z Abridged
Krillin: Alright, Gohan, I need to get you to Guru's.
Gohan: Uh, why?
Krillin: So the old man can touch you and pull things out of you that you never knew you had! (He really means the Guru can unlock a warrior's hidden strength, making him stronger)
Gohan: :blink: I need an adult.
Krillin: I AM an adult.
Vegeta's Old Spice Moment (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGE3rsv1Pvw)
-
Raditz: So....nudity makes you stonger on this planet.....? *starts unzipping*
Goku: Uh no, we're wearing weighted clothing
Raditz: *quickly zips back up* Of course! Because that would be rediculous! *nervous laugh*
Nappa: *flies towards Gohan, Krillin and Piccolo, stops midflight* Vegeta.....I can fly.....
Vegeta: *nose bleed*
- DBZ Abridged
-
DBZ Abridged:
Piccolo: Ugh, everything looks the god-damn same on this god-damn planet. *Notices Nail on the ground* Wait a minute... a body! SOCIAL ACTIVITY!!!!
-
Zim: WHY IS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP!?
Gir: I need tacos, I need tacos or I will explode.....that happens to me sometimes
- Invader ZIM
-
DBZA
Vegeta: (Enraged that Gohan stole his Dragonball) I am here for it.
Krillin:(Nervous tone) For what?
Vegeta: Dragonball. I. Need. That Dragonball. Give it to me. One you took. I need my wish.
Krillin: Are... you okay?
Ghost Nappa: I think your rage broke Vegeta-
Vegeta: SHUT UP GHOST OF NAPPA!!!!!!
Krillin: Who was that?
Vegeta: I'M NOT CRAZY!!! YOU'RE CRAZY!!! ESPECIALLY you Nappa!
Ghost Nappa: Ey....
Krillin: Who are you talking to?
Vegeta: Dragonball. Hand. Now. Please.
Krillin: Um... I don't... really... have it.
*A pause, then Vegeta pops a blood vessel in his right eye*
Vegeta: No...
Krillin: What...? :blink:
Vegeta: No...!
Krillin: Uh...
Vegeta: (Slowly floats towards Krillin) No....
*He suddenly senses Gohan's power level*
Vegeta: How-wait- where am I? Why are you here? Where's Nappa?
Krillin: Didn't you kill him?
Vegeta: Yes, of course I did. He's dead. Forever.
-
Dib: That's just dumb
Zim: Dumb like a moose Dib! DUMB LIKE A MOOSE!
Zim: *to Tak* Despite his huge head, the Dib-monkey is quite stupid
Dib: My head's not big!
Dib: My head's not big!
Zim: I...didn't say anything about your head
Gaz: Are there any computer games here?
Computer: No
Gaz: *annoyed* Fine, I guess I'l help save the Earth then
Zim: Skoodge? I thought the Tallest killed you
Skoodge: Yeah, but I'm okay now
- Invader Zim
-
Mass Effect 3:
(Tali getting drunk)
Tali: Shepard! Wanna drink? I'm toasting Miranda... I think.
Shepard: Uh, how are you getting drunk?
Tali: Very carefully... Turian brandy, triple filtered, then introduced into the suit with an "Emergency Induction Port."
Shepard: ...That's a straw Tali.
(Later on, if you romanced Tali in ME2)
Tali: I'm having a drink with my boyfriend... my HUMAN boyfriend. My father would have hated you!
---------------------------------
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Pinkie Pie: We're not even sure Fluttershy is home right now. Uh, she might be off frolicking with some woodland creatures, uh, why don't you give us some time to track her down for ya?
Iron Will: Iron Will does have some grocery shopping to do. Iron Will will come back this afternoon.
Pinkie Pie: But that's only half a day. We need one full day at least.
Iron Will: Iron Will will delay for half a day and no longer!
Pinkie Pie: A full day!
Iron Will: Half day!
Pinkie Pie: Full day!
Iron Will: Half day!
Pinkie Pie: Half day!
Iron Will: Full day!
Pinkie Pie: We need half a day and no more!
Iron Will: Why you'll get a full day and no less!
Pinkie Pie: Okie dokie. See you tomorrow.
Iron Will: Wait, what?
-
From The Emperor's New Groove
Kuzco: Don't tell me... we're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha: Yup.
Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha: Most likely.
Kuzco: Bring it on.
*Log gets shot down waterfall*
From a friend of mine on another forum site:
"In Soviet Russia, TV breaks you"
and
"In Soviet Russia, Ring collects you"
From another friend of mine on another forum site:
"In Communist Russia, fractals render you"
Naruto: I won't let you get away with your hastily thrown together evil plan! I'm going to use the power of the Ninja Scroll to beat you!
Mizuki: Wait, did you just summon a bunch of ninjas in one turn?
Naruto: Yeah, so?
Mizuki: That's against the Ninja Rules, isn't it?
Naruto: Screw the Ninja Rules, I have lung cancer!
From Naruto Abridged
-
From Dead Space:
*The man turns the camera to another man, named Stross.*
Doctor: Now....*The doctor examines Nolan's eye*....the eye is looking better today? Yes, don't you think?
Stross: It hurts. Still h-hurts.
Doctor: Yes. I'll schedule you for another session tomorrow.
Stross: No....no, no....I don't think I can take another session. I don't....
Doctor: *presses his holocheckboard* There....First thing tomorrow.
-
Phineas: Hey Ferb, we're flying towards that building that vaugley looks like your head
Phineas: *to Perry, about Dr. Doof* And you fight a pharmasist!? Why would you even do that!?
Dr. Doof: Amnesianator? I think I'd remember building something like that
- Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimmension
-
Dragonball Z Abridged
Nappa: Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?
Vegeta: It's... 1006.
Nappa: Wha- really?
Vegeta: Yeah, now kick his ass Nappa!
Nappa: YAY!!!
*Nappa lunges at Goku, but Goku proceeds to beat up Nappa brutally*
Nappa: My arm doesn't bend that way. My arm doesn't bend that way. *CRACK* AAHHH NOW IT DOES!!!!
Vegeta: Wait, something's not right here... oh wait, NAPPA!
*Nappa lands on the ground next to Vegeta*
Nappa: WHAT?!?!
Vegeta: I had the scouter upside down. It's over 9000. *Breaks scouter* Rah.
-------------------------------
3rd Rock from the Sun
*Dick sees his dyed hair in the mirror*
Dick: Oh my God! I'M GORGEOUS!!!
-
Lilo: *on the phone to Cobra Bubbles, while Stitch and Jumba are fighting in the background* Oh good! My dog found the chainsaw!
Jumba: So, you want me to help you out, just like that? Just like that!?
Stitch: Ih
Jumba: Okay
Pleakly: You're going to help him out, just like that?
Jumba: He's very persuasive
- Lilo & Stitch
-
This one's from Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane
(80 year old woman [she has no teeth] turns into a zombie and bites Frank, he screams, but feels nothing and throws the zombie into the cargo hold)
[sarcastically nervous] She was teething me...
-
DBZA
Krillin: Hey, don't I look like that one guy Vegeta landed with back on Earth? What was his name again? Hey Vegeta, what was that guy's name? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta...
*Vegeta then starts seeing Nappa's face on Krillin's body*
Nappa: ...Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?
Vegeta: God-dammit Nappa.
Krillin: Oh right! Good 'ol "God-dammit Nappa."
-
Here's some from last night's new episode of Top Gear (on the History Channel).
(Rutledge and Adam are learning how to drive in a professional truck race, but Adam is driving all over the place)
Driving Instructor:*over the radio* Adam, where the hell are you going?
Adam:*clearly lost* I have no idea.
(Rutledge is about to climb into his racing truck)
Adam: Look! It even has your name on it.
(Rutledge's last name is Wood, so that's what's on the truck)
Rutledge:*not amused* I've got Wood... I've got Wood.
-
DBZA
*After Recoom kicks Krillin*
Gohan: Krillin!
Krillin: (Dazed) Hello Gohan! Have you done your homework? 'Cause if you don't, Chi-Chi will KICK my ass!
Gohan: Are you okay?
Krillin: Yeah, seems he threw my nervous system out of whack there. Can't quite feel the pain...there it is...aaaaaaaaaahhh.
-
Arthur: *around a campfire* This is lame....
Merlin: *smacks him* You're lame!
- Shrek the Third
-
The Simpson:
*Homer and Bart are at the Krusty Burger getting grease. They both walk to the back room up to an employee at the deep fryers*
Employee: Can I help you sir?
Homer: *Leans in close* My GOD you're greasy...!
Employee: :blink: Uh... help...!
-
Flanders: Yup, Flancrestenterprises is my internet business
Homer: You lie, you don't have an internet business, why would you make up a lie like that?
Flanders: It's true
Homer: Internet eh?
Flanders: Yup, me and Maude are making some good scratch
Homer: Scratch eh?
Flanders: Yup
Homer: *more seductive-like* Maude eh?
Homer: Wow, a wooden plane! Finally, trees have a use for something other than just standing around being jerks
- The Simpsons
-
Here's a few from recent episodes of Mythbusters
Duct Tape Island
Adam: Can two grown men get by on a deserted island without driving each other crazy?
(Adam is chasing a wild chicken, but it manages to get away by flapping its wings to hop onto a higher branch.)
Adam: It flies!? Nobody told me chickens could fly!
Square Wheels
Adam: It's a square ... wheel! Those two words shouldn't go together.
(Adam and Jaimie are struggling to fit the tread of a round tire around the square wheel.)
Adam: *in a Scottish accent* My family's been fitting square wheels for the last two centuries, now. No one's bought one, though.
(Adam is jumping on the square wheel, still trying to fit the round tire on it.)
Adam: *sounding like a whiny little kid* I want my square wheels!
-
DBZA:
Krillin: Goku, it was terrible. We landed here, and then there were these really strong guys; (Voice Gets More Whiney); and then there were even more strong guys! And then our ship blew up! And then there were even more-!
Goku: Bored now. Reading your mind.
Krillin: Wait, wha-?
*Goku places palm on his forehead and reads his thoughts*
Goku: Ha ha! That thing was a guy!
Krillin: Goku did you just read my mind?
Goku: Yuh-huh.
Krillin: But how did you-?
Goku: Muffin button.
Krillin: :blink: ...what?
Goku: Huh?
---------------------------
Recoome: Recoome will not be ignored!
Goku: SIR! I'm TRYING to talk to my friends! Hey Vegeta, we're friends now right?
Vegeta: F*** off.
Goku: The best.
-
Agnes: It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!
Gru: Coookie robots! Why...why are you....why are you so....old?
Dr Nefarious: *beat* Right, I'm on it
Vector: *after Gru punches his shark* He punched my shark!
- Despicable Me
-
Doctor: Oh, you've been taking gobble-dee-gook lessons! I like it!"
- In the Doctor Who Novel "Prisoner of the Daleks", to Dalek X
-
DBZA
*Super Kami Guru gives Krillin a Dragonball*
Super Kami Guru: Just don't steal the TV.
Nail: Sir we... don't have a television.
Super Kami Guru: Nail, gather the rest of the Dragonballs and wish for a plasma screen TV.
Nail: Lord Guru, that would be a grievous misuse of their powers.
Super Kami Guru: I'm about to misuse my hand upside your head!
----------------
Super Kami Guru: NAAAAAAIIIL!!!
Nail: What?
Super Kami Guru: I saw a bird. It was pretty... kick it's ass.
-----------------
*Goku goes to the fridge*
Goku: Whoo, alrighty! Time for a post-workout drink.
*Pulls out a can of beer*
Goku: Nah, it's too early for me to get crunk.
*Pulls out an energy drink*
Goku: Nah, energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore.
*Pulls out can of nuts*
Goku: I can't drink these, these are nuts!
*Pulls out TeamFourStar Soda can*
Goku: What's this? It looks delicious! And it's high in calcium.
Do do do do do... TeamFourStar Soda!
-
Policeman: You wish to report a murder.
Frank: Attempted murder.
Policeman: That's not so serious.
Frank: Not when you downgrade it from murder. But when you upgrade it from room service, it's quite serious.
- The Tourist
-
Dragonball Z Abridged
*King Kai is contacting Goku*
King Kai: Goku is that you? I swear to God if this is George Takei again I'm going to shove a brick right up the Verizon guy's a-
Goku: King Kai?
King Kai: Ah, there you are Goku.
*Later on after Goku hangs up on King Kai, he tries to call him back*
King Kai: Goku, I will ride your ass on this one!
George Takei: Oh my...
King Kai: DAMMIT TAKEI!!!!!
------------------
Krillin: Alright, but if we're gonna be a team, we need a name.
Vegeta: No we don't.
Krillin: I know! How about "Team Three Star"?
Vegeta: ...What?
Krillin: Well we're a team, and there's three of us, and the Dragonballs have stars on them. Team Three Star!
Vegeta: That just makes me want to kill you even more; and you're still the second most annoying bald person I ever had the displeasure of working with.
Krillin: Team Three Star, move out!
Vegeta: I swear to God...!
-
Homer: Lisa! Knock off that racket!
Lisa: But Dad, I'm supposed to practice an hour a day!
Homer: I'll practice you!
Lisa: You'll practice me...what does that mean? Is it supposed to be some sort of a threat?
- The Simpsons
-
DBZA:
*Krillin throws a Destructo Disc at Nappa*
Nappa: Ooh! A Frisbee Vegeta!
Vegeta: NAPPA, NO!! IT'S A TRICK!!!
Nappa: But Vegeta... "Trix are for kids."
Vegeta: ...You know what Nappa, on second thought catch it. Catch it with your teeth.
Nappa: YAY! Like a doggie...
Nappa's Best Day Ever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6lhrFigabA)
-
Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
SpongeBob: Duped!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
---
Plankton: It looks like an ordinary penny....because it is an ordinary penny!
---
Squidward: That's the stupidist thing I've ever heard!
Patrick: Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb
- SpongeBob SquarePants
-
Sealab 2021
Quinn: You can't test drugs on humans! There are rules, procedures. It has to be tested on animals first.
Sparks: Why?! Why does all the crap we use have to be tested on animals?
Quinn: Becau-
Sparks: Look, a mouse doesn't need deodorant. A rabbit doesn't need hairspray. A monkey doesn't need pills to get ramped up for hot monkey sex! It's PEOPLE man! We're already miserable; SO WHY SHOULDN'T WE TRY IT ALL FIRST?!?!
Quinn: ...Well... you got a point there acutally...
--------------------------------------------
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Twilight Sparkle: Ah! My eye!
Pinkie Pie: Don't worry, Twilight, I have eye patches stashed all over Ponyville, in case of eye patch emergency. There! Now you look like a pirate. A sleepy pirate, with a really weird mane cut.
------------------------------------------
Red vs Blue
Grif: We're going the wrong way.
Church: How would you know? You haven't been here before.
Grif: You haven't been here before either!
Church: But I'm not the one telling everyone they're going the wrong way!
Grif: ...Shut up.
-
Pinkie Pie: Well, I hear she eats hay
Twilight: Pinkie! I eat hay! You eat hay!
Pinkie Pie: Yeah well...I hear it's the evil way she eats hay
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
-
^ Love that bit!
The Doctor: *To a Policeman trying to arrest him for aiding a thief* I'll just pop into that police box (the TARDIS) and arrest myself
Escape win
-
Shenzi: Aint no way I'm going in there, you want me coming out looking like you? Cactus butt!?
- The Lion King
-
The Doctor: *To the Cybermen, who stomp about quite loudly* Woah, that's cheating, sneaking up! Are your legs on silent?
- Doctor Who, the Next Doctor
-
Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is ediable, even I am ediable, but that dear children is called cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most countries
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
-
DBZA
Nail: Lord Guru sir, we have another traveler from Earth here to see you.
Super Kami Guru: Oh, please tell me you didn't let him inside...
Gohan: Hello Mr. Guru.
Super Kami Guru: OH GOD DAMMIT!
Gohan: My friend Krillin said you can help me by touching me...
Super Kami Guru: Do I look Catholic to you?
Nail: Sir, I think he means he wants you to unlock his hidden potential...
Gohan: Yeah, that thing.
Super Kami Guru: Very well then. (Places hand on top of Gohan's head) Stand still. It's your first time so I'll be gentle. Now relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.
Gohan: :blink: I need an adult...?
Super Kami Guru: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUULT!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
Filly Rarity: A rock!? That's my destiny!? What is the matter with you horn!? I followed you all the way out here for a rock!? Ugh! Dumb rock!
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
-
"If life gives you melons, you probably have dyslexia."
-
DBZA
Nappa: Look Vegeta, more bald people. There's the small one, the two tall ones, and- *Sees Chaotzu* VEGETA, LOOK! A POKEMON!!!!!!!!!
Chaotzu: I'm not a Pokemon. I'm Chaotzu. Chaotzu!
Nappa: You hear that Vegeta? It's a Chaotzu. I'm gonna catch it! *Pulls out PokeBall*
Chaotzu: I told you, I'm not a Poke-*PokeBall hits him in the head* OW!
Nappa: Aw, it didn't work Vegeta!
Vegeta: That's because you have to damage it first.
Nappa: Oh, right. Let's see if I can get it critical...
Chaotzu: :blink:
-
Marceline's Dad: *to Gunther* What? NO, you can't have my soul, I don't evenó ...Look, just get in here. *tries to suck his soul and Gunter slaps him* Fine, keep your crummy soul *kicks the penguin away*
Ice King: *catches Gunther* Gunther! Who told you you could fly!?
- Adventure Time
-
Toy Story
Woody: Buzz! Hey, Buzz are you okay?
Buzz: GONE! (Starts slurring words) It's all gone. All gone. Bye bye. Woo! See ya!
Woody: What happened to you?
Buzz: One minute you're defending the whole galaxy... when SUDDENLY you find yourself sucking down derjing with... (Whispers) Marie Antoinette and her little sister. (Camera focuses on two headless toys, who wave back at them).
Woody: ...I think you had enough tea for today. Let's get you out of here Buz-
Buzz: DON'T YOU GET IT?!?! YOU SEE THE HAT?!?! I AM MRS... NESBIT!!! (Laughs crazily)
Woody: Snap out of it Buzz! (Slaps Buzz with his own dismembered limb)
Buzz: I uh, you're right I'm sorry. I'm just a little depressed, that's all. I can get through this... (Becomes hysterical) OH I'M A SHAM!!!!
Woody: Shhh!! Buzz!!
Buzz: Look at me! I can't even fly out of a window! The hat looked good. Tell me the hat looked good... the apron is a bit much...
Woody: Out the window... Buzz you're a genious! (Starts dragging Buzz along) C'mon, this way!
Buzz: Years of academy training WASTED!
*I LOVE THAT SCENE SO MUCH*
-
Dark Heart: "Time for a game of disappearing bears." :lol
Waffle: "Spleeeee!" :lol:
-
Red vs. Blue
Caboose: Last time I got shot, I got a Purple Heart. I hope this time I get a Purple Lung. You see, eventually I will be able to build an entire purple person... and we will be best friends.
Tucker: Maybe you should ask for a Purple Brain.
Caboose: You're just jealous that you didn't think of it first!
-
From Fish Hooks
Mr. Baldwin: Milo, you're late. Again!
Milo: Mr. Baldwin, you will never give what happened this time!
Mr. Baldwin: You were swallowed by an...
Milo: I was swallowed by an eel! So, I'm in the bathroom, just eating a sandwich, when All of a sudden, I'm like "What happened to my fork?" I look down, and...
Mr. Baldwin: And nothing! It can't be about you all the time, Milo! You think you got problems? Look at me! I'm pregnant!
*The entire class gasps, except Clamantha, who laughs*
Mr. Baldwin: You probably didn't know that male seahorses could get pregnant! Well, neither did I. But life happens!
Seriously, how did he not know he could get pregnant?!
Oscar: Bea, if this is the end, there's something I gotta tell you.
Bea: What is it, Oscar?
Oscar: I wanted to tell you that... I'm a plumber!
Bea: Excuse me?
Oscar: You're a princess, ugh, It's like we're both in this giant video game. And the plumber's trying to get to the princess. But there's always this giant monkey in the way that keeps throwing barrels! And all he's wearing is a tank-top! No pants!
Bea: What are you talking about?
Oscar: I don't know.
Original Donkey Kong reference ftw. You know the creators were from the 80's when that happens.
Clamantha: This song is dedicated to the secret love of my life. *Starts singing* HIS NAME IS OSCAR! HE LOOKS LIKE BROCCOLI! OSCAR, OSCAR, THAT RHYMES WITH "BOBOSCAR"! ONE DAY HE'LL MARRY ME!
I have new respect for Ashley Tisdale because of how she voiced that crazy clam :lol . Sounds like how I'd make fun of a network censor
-
Borderlands 2
Handsome Jack: People of Pandora. This is Handsome Jack; your hero. We all know that ever since I took over your arm-pit of a planet, Pandora has been at peace. Until these pathetic Vault Hunters showed up that is...
-
Another from Fish Hooks
Mr. Baldwin: Listen up, you little bags of shhh---sugar!
Okay...HOW did THAT pass :lol !? You just KNOW what he was trying to say!
-
*The Simpsons*
-Homer walks up to Hank Scorpio with a mug of coffee-
Homer: You got any sugar?
Hank: Sure. *Digs into pockets and pulls out a hand full of sugar. Gives it to Homer* Sorry, it's not in packages. Want some cream too?
Homer: :blink: ...Uh no.
-
Kung Fu Panda II:
*After the council refuses Shen's command to leave Gongman City*
Lord Shen: *laughs* I'm so glad you feel that way, otherwise I'd have dragged that here for nothing. *the peacock points at a large box being hauled by wolves.*
Master Ox: What's in the box, Shen?
Lord Shen: Want to see? Its a gift. Oh, its your parting gift, in that it will part you. Part of you here, part of you there and part of you waaaay over there, staining the walls!
^This is the only time I know where a villian could be so haliarious yet so damn terrifying at the same time.
-
Oh, Lord Shen, you
sexy beastly thing you!
-
Oh, Lord Shen, you sexy beastly thing you!
Can't blame you there. Shen was the best character in the film in my opinion.
Another line from the same film:
Po: Tell those musicians to start playing some action music, because its on!
-
Alfonso: I want to eat a kid's meal soooo bad, it'sa me!
Hopper: Don't you know that kids' meals are for kids?! It's right there in the name, for Pete's sake, slushie! Besides, I've heard eating kids' meals stunts your growth! That must be why you're so short!
Alfonso: But... I'm short 'cause I'm still a kid... And when you were a kid, you must've eaten kids' meals, right, Hopper?
Hopper: Back in my day, we didn't have kids' meals! In fact, back when I was a kid... We didn't have pacifiers either, so we used squids! Not as fancy, but it did the job just fine! And we didn't have any of these multicolored snacks that kids eat nowadays. Instead, we mostly snacked on lima beans and Brussels sprouts, slushie. And if we were extra good, we might get a piece of licorice as a treat!
Alfonso: Are you serious, it'sa me?! So, I guess that means... You've never eaten a kid's meal?
Hopper: Never! And proud of it, slushie!
Alfonso: Well, I guess you don't like the little plastic robots that come with kids' meals either, huh, Hopper?
Hopper: What?! Slushie?! Kids' meals come with little robots?! But no one likes little robots more than I do.
-
Dragonball Z Abridged: Revenge of Cooler
"Sun, you grow my food. You kill my enemies. You're totally worth the skin cancer."
-Goku-
-
Okay, seriously, try not to laugh at this.
chuggaconroy - Pokemon Emerald: Episode 3
Objective: Looking for a rare Pokemon.
After finding it...
For the love of Princess Eliza's non-existent pantyhose!
:spit
Seriously, where does he come up with this stuff? :lol:
-
This one's from last week's new episode of Mythbusters:
Jamie: Wait, you made a movie about the Titanic?
James Cameron: Yes.
Jamie: Why would you do that? Don't we already know how it ends?
*Adam facepalms*
James Cameron: He doesn't get out much, does he?
Adam: No, he doesn't.
Edit: Another Mythbusters quote, though you'll see it only online:
Tory: *starts inflating a balloon* Now, normally on this show, we blow things up with C4 and black powder, but on this episode, we're blowing things up with air! .................. That's alright............ Oh my god, this thingó The suspense is killing me! ...... Anybody got a pin? ...... You know, normally on this show, we blow things up with C4 and black powder, but on today's episode, we're blowing things up with air! ...... My heart's racing. The suspense is killing me! ...... Holy crap, this thing is huge! ...... Is this thing ever gonna pop!? ............ Anybody wanna throw a pin at it? ...... You know, on today's episode, we're blowing things up with air! ...... *the balloon finally bursts* Wah-ha-haó Ow! That hurt! Medic.
-
Borderlands 2
-Handsome Jack and his "Diamond Pony"
1:
"Hey! How-oh, these pretzels suck... So, how's your day been buddy? We haven't really talked much since I've, you know, left you for dead. Hey, you think you'll freeze to death out there? Nah, probably not. The bandits will get you first. My day? It's been pretty good. I just bought a pony made of diamonds; because I'M RICH. So you know, that's cool. Kay bye!"
2:
"I'm rackin' my brain for a name for that diamond pony I bought. I was gonna call it 'Piss-for-Brains' in honor of you. But that just feels immature. Maybe... 'Butt Stallion'? Nah that's even worse. I'll tell you what; I'll give it some more thought."
3:
"I should probably clarify, the diamond horse I've been telling you about; it's not a sculpture or anything. It's actually a living horse that happens to be made of- actually I'll just go get her. BUTT STALLION! COME HERE GIRL! Say hello!" *"Butt Stallion neighs.*
"Butt Stallion says hello."
-
I just remembered another one from Mythbusters. This one is from the Stone Cannonball myth.
(Tory is standing next to a model castle he built)
Tory (roleplaying an attacker and a defender of said castle). *attacker* Lower the drawbridge! *defender* No! We will never surrender! *attacker* Then we will attack! *defender* Don't worry. They are shooting rock cannonballs. I am not scared.
EDIT: just remembered another one from the same episode...
(Tory has finished his granite cannonball and placed it on a chunk of granite.)
Tory: *in an Italian accent* I like-a to call this piece, "Ball on the Brick."
-
Dragonball Z Abridged
Nail: Have you ever considered getting a house?
Piccolo: Great idea. Let me get my sum of money that I don't have.
Nail: Have you ever considered getting a job?
Piccolo: I'm a green slug-man. No amount of affirmative action will ever get me a job.
-
From Cloud8745's Silent Hill 2 walkthrough:
"James."
"Hello."
"James."
"I said Hello."
"James."
"What the f*** do you want!"
:lol
-
From what is possibly now my most favorite game, The Walking Dead.
*The group is at a diary farm. Kenny is suspicious of something in the back of the owners' barn and he and Lee(the main character) are trying to get back there*
Kenny: Hey, Lee, you know how to pick a lock right?
Lee: No! Why would you say that?
Kenny: Well...you're...you know...urban?
Lee: Oh, you are NOT saying what I think you're saying.
Kenny: Jesus man, I'm from Florida. Crazy shit just comes out of my mouth sometimes. Sorry.
-
Achievement Hunter: Lets Play Minecraft
*Best Ray Lines*
Jack: I feel like I'm in Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
Ray: Is that the one with Johnny Depp?
----------------------------------
*Ray is hiding in a tree with the camera zoomed in on his face*
Gavin: So let me get this straight Ray, you're just standing there looking at your own face.
Ray: Yeah! You wanna look at my screen?
Gavin: No. Do you?
Ray: Yeah, it's my face!
-
From last week's new episode of Mythbusters...
Adam: For added realism, could you guys cuss like a sailor?
Johnathan: Abso*BEEP*lutely you *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*.
-
From what is possibly now my most favorite game, The Walking Dead.
*The group is at a diary farm. Kenny is suspicious of something in the back of the owners' barn and he and Lee(the main character) are trying to get back there*
Kenny: Hey, Lee, you know how to pick a lock right?
Lee: No! Why would you say that?
Kenny: Well...you're...you know...urban?
Lee: Oh, you are NOT saying what I think you're saying.
Kenny: Jesus man, I'm from Florida. Crazy shit just comes out of my mouth sometimes. Sorry.
Considering I'm a Florida resident just made that far more hilarious.
And the thing is, its kind of true.
----------------------------------------------------
Top Gear(U.K)
[trying to get a phone number stored on the Mercedes-Benz W220's system]
Jeremy: 349
Female Computer Voice: 249
Jeremy: Why don't you listen?
Female Computer Voice: Dialing.
Jeremy: No! Don't dial that! I don't know who that is, it might be the Queen!
Richard: Roy James, who was the Great Train Robbers' getaway driver, was very particular about his Jag Mk 2s. He'd always steal a 3.4 rather than a 3.8 just 'cause he preferred the handling. Not a lot of people know that.
[discussing the Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale]
Jeremy: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, everybody - have you driven this car?
Richard: I have, yes.
Jeremy: And what happened when you drove this car?
Richard: Well, I crashed it, technically.
Jeremy: Tell the nice ladies and gentlemen about what happened.
Richard: Well, I was going round a corner, and the next minute I went round lots and lots of corners very quickly. Span it several times.
James: Actually, this is why it's called the F360, this model. Because you drive along and you go "FFF - !" and then you do a 360.
[mocking the overly ambitious plans announced by the MG Rover Group in 2000]
Jeremy: They said they were going to make a space shuttle...
James: Yes, a space station.
Jeremy: Yeah, well, they were going to build a space shuttle to get to the Rover space station.
James: The Rover space station would be fab, actually, wouldn't it? It would be dark metallic green, and it would have a grille on that would sort of appear every 24 hours as it rotated, and sort of glitter in the sky.
Richard: And a really nice, a really nice clock somewhere as well.
[discussing a man who built a race car in his kitchen, eventually having to tear down an exterior wall to get it out of the house]
Jeremy: I presume there's no wife involved in this.
Richard: No. Well... there was, but unlike the car, the wife did fit through the door quite nicely. Fairly early on.
[on the Lexus RX300 ad slogan "It Changes Everything"]
Jeremy: I don't want to go home tonight and find my front door's moved, and that all my children are badgers and that I'm married to Frank Bruno! I don't want it to change everything.
Richard: And this'd be a gardening program and we shouldn't be talking about that anyway.
Jeremy: Well, exactly! And do you know, the thing is, that - you know those advertising standard authorities? They always say you've got to be, what are they, truthful... ?
James: Hang on, it's: [ticking them off on his fingers] Decent, honest, legal, truthful.
Jeremy: So that advert must be true.
James: That would be great! You could buy the Lexus, and then you'd wake up the next day and it would've changed into a Jaguar! With a bit of luck.
-
*Rugrats*
Didi: Stu? What are you doing?
Stu: Making chocolate pudding.
Didi: It's 4'o clock in the morning. Why in the world are you making chocolate pudding?
Stu: Because I've lost control of my life.
-
From the latest Mythbusters episode...
Grant: *looking at his wrist* I wish I had a watch.
Adam: *while sitting in the passenger seat of a two-person Indycar* In place of the steering wheel is what they call an HCH, or "holy crap handles". (I forget what he says here)... HOLY CRAP!!
-
Another new Mythbusters quote.
Jaime: We have to leave now, they're shutting this building down.
Adam: Really?
*all the lights in the room shut off*
Jaimie: Told ya.
-
This week's new Mythbusters funny quote:
Adam: *standing in front of a car* This is a car.
Jamie: *standing in front of the same car, which is now destroyed* And this is a car on Mythbusters. Do not try what you're about to see at home.
Adam: We're what you call experts.
:lol: Best disclaimer ever! :lol
-
Achievement Hunter: Lets Play Minecraft
Too long to type down. So watch this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7-_BKPWr7g)
Roosterteeth Podcast: IPhone 5 Argument
Video of it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y49BOwSAivI)
-
GRAND THEFT AUTO V
*Michael and Trevor are driving in a car*
Michael: You know, I've been thinking about you Trevor; your lifestyle.
Trevor: Oh have you? Really?
Michael: Yes I have. People always try to label you. You know, maniac. Psycho...friend...industry leader. In some ways you define categorization. But then...
Trevor: What?
Michael: Think about it. Where you live...
Trevor: Sandy Shores you precious ass. I'm sorry there ain't a place nearby for you to get your colonics.
Michael: Right. But why are you out here?
Trevor: It's off the grid. We're away from it all. It's somewhere real and authentic. This is America, and real people ain't been priced out yet.
Michael: Yeah, well what if it gets gentrified?
Trevor: Then I'll f***ing move.
Michael: Okay, what about the way you dress?
Trevor: What about it? I don't give a s*** what I wear.
Michael: No no no. If you don't give a s***, you wear clean clothes that fit. See, yours are all a little out there. A little wacky.
Trevor: Whatever is in the shop, is what I get. Jesus, what is this?
Michael: It's not an absence of taste, T, it's the opposite of taste.
Trevor: You should be a stylist.
Michael: And then there's the tattoos, the hair, the weird music, the funny toys, the niche drugs, the everything.
Trevor: What the f*** are we talking about?
Michael: You... are a hipster!
Trevor: What?
Michael: You're a hipster.
Trevor: I hate hipsters.
Michael: Classic hipster denial.
Trevor: I abhor hipsters. I eat them for fun.
Michael: Hipsters love saying they hate hipsters.
Trevor: Well I really f***ing do!
Michael: Self hatred. Common hipster affliction.
Trevor: Only because I'm living out here away from the Bean Machines, and the bankers?
Michael: You're gentrifying. Soon the skinny jeans will show up, then the skinny lattes, and then the bankers. And you'll be somewhere else starting the cycle all over again. Maybe you're not a classic garden variety hipster, but you're what the hipsters aspire to be. You, Trevor, are the proto-hipster.
Trevor: I... don't know what you're talking about. I don't agree with what you're saying. You're talking bulls***. And you're trying to wind me up. But I'm very... very angry. And I want this conversation... to stop... right away...
Michael: ...Hipster.
Trevor: F*** YOU!!!! F*** YOU MICHAEL!!!!! Say it again...!
Michael: I've made my point. I'm not a sadist.
-
Just need to list some Mean Girls quotes here:
"And none for Gretchen Weiners. Bye."
"Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears."
“I don’t hate you because your fat. You’re fat ëcause I hate you!”
“One time, she punched me in the face. It was awesome.”
"“Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What’s so great about Caesar? Hmm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that’s not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!”
“So if you’re from Africa, why are you white?”
“Gretchen, I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I’m sorry for telling everyone about it. And I’m sorry for repeating it now.”
“Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries.”
Something really funny I heard on Modern Family:
Gloria: "OK, Manny, remember, as soon as you land, watch out for Malaria."
Manny: "Why? I got a shot for that."
Gloria: "I'm talking about your cousin Malaria. She's coming to pick you up, but she might have Rubella."
Manny: "What?"
Gloria: "That's her daughter, but make room in the car because she could have Diptheria.
Manny: "Who's Diptheria?"
Gloria: "Manny, diptheria is a disease! That's why I want you to be apart from her in the car!"
:lol
A few from Glee:
"I'll need to see that set list for Sectionals after all. I want it on my desk warm from the laminator at 5:00 P.M., and if it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face!" :lol
Rachel: "I want my allowance back right now!"
Brittany: "It’s already gone. My uncle lost his job and his goat was going hungry. So I spent it on food for the goat. I mean, sort of. The goat just ate the money."
"I don't brush my teeth, I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist."
Kitty: "My iced latte is too cold."
Kurt: "It's an iced latte."
Kitty: "It's an iced latte that's too cold!"
From Pitch Perfect:
Whenever Aubrey says "Aca-Scuse Me?" :lol
-
Attack on Titan Abridged
Thomas: Eren! Did you kill the colossal Titan?
Eren: (In sarcastic tone) Oh yeah! Totally! Can't you see it's GIANT DEAD BODY?
Thomas: ...Are you being saras-
Eren: OF COURSE I'M BEING SARCASTIC!
-
from Dangerous Toys (a new show on Discovery)
Adam: (while trying to shoot some custom air gun at Jamie's army of exploding teddy bears) All I want for Christmas is to shoot a teddy bear in the head.
-
RED VS BLUE son of a bee moments http://youtu.be/gOk0Cv6aX7E (http://youtu.be/gOk0Cv6aX7E) :lol :lol
-
From Total Drama: Revenge of the Island:
Sam: Dude, sounds like a shaman warlock cast a screaming spell on you...
Lightning: Lightning was robbed!
Sam: What'd they take? Your weapons or your armor?
Lightning: My protein powder!
Sam: Oh... Yeah, that is... Totally worth freaking out over, probably. Heh. :rolleyes:
-
from a recent episode of Top Gear (American version)
(after Tanner mentions that he used to be a bus driver)
Rutledge: "Didn't you get fired from that?"
Tanner: "Yeah. I got fired for doing donuts in the Beaver Creek West Lot. But it was worth it!"
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from the LEGO Movie
Batman: "Police" to meet you, Bad Cop. The pleasure is all "spine". *punches Bad Cop in the face* Well guess what you big dumb baby? Your car is a baby carriage. *rebuilds the flying police car into a baby carriage*
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My favorite lines from Futurama
Fry: Well, buddy, how d'ya like your new home? See? He's happy already.
Hermes: That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut.
Fry: So are walnuts and they're delicious!
Fry: Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger.
(much later)
Robot Devil: Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher, Mrs. Mellonger, calls "stupid fingers".
(I just...absolutely love that Fry and the Robot Devil have the same music teacher XD . Now I'm using "stupid fingers" to describe my struggles with knitting)
Fry: Bender, if you say the A-word, you'll blow this planet straight to the H-word!
Somewhere there's a line that kills me every time I hear it, but I'm drawing a blank...besides the "so are walnuts" bit...
But oh...I have so many from Bob's Burgers. Here are a few
Tina: (about helping her dad through insurance fraud) I'm gonna go to jail! Or Hell! Or Hell-Jail!
[fantasy in Hell lunchline]
Tina: So what's for lunch today?
Hell Lunchlady: Your lies!
Tina: (dramatic) NOOOO!...That's what we had yesterday!
Teddy: Today someone threw a snowcone at my windshield. I thought I hit a rainbow. It was terrifying!
(Gotta be frank, that actually does sound kinda scary...)
Bob: [addressing a large pot] Duvall, is that you in there?
Duval: [from the pot] No one's in this pot. Go away. I am the spaghetti.
Tina: Here's a bunch of numbers. They may look random, but they're my phone number
Gene: [singing] I'm not afraid of ghosts
I'm not afraid of sharks
I'm not afraid of cancer
I'm just afraid of snakes
they really freak me out
where are their arms and legs?!
It's not okay!
(My love for snakes remains in place, but I quite often find myself singing this to myself. It's just so fun!)
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I'm back! And I'm bringing this thread back to life with me!
THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
Benihana Scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhlUWBhlCa4)
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[after Mary butts Grace's gun in the face and smashing her head on the glass table]
Mary Sandin: DID YOU HEAR ME, GRACE? NO MORE KILLING TONIGHT!... Is it that hard to understand?
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(Zack & Brian had been making a movie about their siblings falling in love, but Zack tried to record Brian's answers on a review to cheat, he got caught and this happened-)
Teacher: You can collect it later at the principal's office.
Teacher: Out! Both of you! Auf wiedersehen!
Brian: Come on Zack, we're out.
Zack: Yeah, this place is dead anyway.
- Love At First Hiccup/The First Time (2009)
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Freak Interrupting: Just give us the homeless pig you fuck-...
[gets shot in the head]
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I could spend forever listing all sorts of Caitlin quotes that crack me up. :petrieLOL She always manages to get me giggling!
Here's just a few of her funniest moments...
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Jude: And use stupid pet-names like..."rasta-honey-party-munchkin"!
Wyatt: Uh...try "sweetiepoopookins" in a baby voice. We HATE that.
Caitlin: Really? Wow. I thought guys thought that was cute.
Wyatt: Uh...no.
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Caitlin, grumbling about her long nails: I'm like Wolverine's girlfriend!...Actually, Hugh Jackman's really hot, so, that wouldn't be so bad.
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Caitlin: Yeah, I should get back to work too. I have to dust all the lemons.
Nikki: You dust the lemons?
Caitlin: Business has been slow...
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Wyatt: Looks like you need these. *hands her the career day slips*
Caitlin: *sLAMS HER HEAD ON THEM*
Wyatt: Wow. You really did need them.
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Caitlin: I used to think [ex-boyfriend #322] was so hot, and now, he's just...antler guy! Guys all over this mall are counting on me to find the perfect present. Am I gonna tell them I didn't find it because of some goof in an antler hat?!
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Caitlin: *gives Wyatt her tacky diamond earrings*
Wyatt: Caitlin, I can't wear these!
Caitlin: Don't worry, your neck muscles will adjust.
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Wyatt: *Moans*
Jen: Is that an "I'm still into Serena" moan or a "My head is smooshed into a plate of fries moan"?
Caitlin: Judging from the pitch and timbre, I'd have to say it's a "Marlowe broke up with me" moan.
Wyatt: You're good!
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Caitlin: Girls bond over things they have in common. Hobbies, music, shopping, clothes, magazines, shoes, accessories, boys...did I mention shoes?
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Caitlin: What about Caitlin? That's a great name for a girl! Y'know, if she's pretty...
Nikki: And if she's NOT pretty?
Caitlin: Then go with Bertha or something...
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Gosh dang it I love this lil blonde dork :ChomperImAwesome