Funniest Quotes You've Heard

[LBTFan13]

Dodgeball

"You're adopted your parents don't even love you!"

"Damnit Bernise!"

[f-22 "raptor" ace]

Indiana Jones 4
*edited for language*

Marion Ravenwood-Williams: [to Jones] It's about Mutt.
Indiana Jones: He's a good kid. You should get off his back about school. Not everyone is cut out for it
Marion Ravenwood-Williams: His real name's Henry.
Indiana Jones: [absent-mindedly] Good name.
Marion Ravenwood-Williams: He's your son. Henry Jones...III.
[Pause]
Indiana Jones: ...Why the heck didn't you make him finish school?!

[jedi472]

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

[Driving on a supposedly English road, clearly *not* filmed on location]
Austin Powers: You know what's remarkable? Is how much England looks in no way like Southern California.

[f-22 "raptor" ace]

indiana jone and the last crusade
He chose... poorly.

[Spartanguy88]

[Battlefield Bad Company]

Haggard: I kinda like this place. Looks like somewhere I would take a vacation.

Redford: Sure, if you don't mind the snipers, or the mines on the beach, or the smell of death...

Sweetwater: Actually guys, if my memory is correct, they were going to build a resort like place here before the war started and... you guys really don't care now do you?

Redford: Listen, if we only had one shot at the gold then this is it. Let's find a vehicle and go around to the coast. We'll have to get as close as we can to that ship; and then we'll...

Haggard: And then we'll, what?

Redford: Then we'll improvise.

Sweetwater: Okay, am I the only one starting to get cold feet about this?

Haggard: Yup. Embrace the suck Sweet. Embrace the suck.

[aabicus (LettuceBacon&Tomato)]

[Casablanca]

Cn. Renault: I am shocked, simply shocked to find gambling taking place in this facility!

Aide: Your winnings, sir.

Cn. Renault: Oh, thank you.

[The Chronicler]

(here's another mythbusters quote)

(Tory is facing the camera, is holding his hand out like a gun, and has fishnet stockings over his head)
"Gimmie your cash!"

[Spartanguy88]

[Red vs Blue]
*Sarge rips on the show Lost*

And whatever happened to the numbers on The Hatch? It's like they're just making this stuff up as they go along.

And what about the polar bears? What were they even doing on the island?

Why would you even cast a kid for that part anyway? We all know he's going to hit puberty before the fifth episode.

First we're flashing backwards; then we're flashing fowards; soon we're gonna be flashing sideways to Everybody Loves Raymond!

And the smoke monster... don't get me started on the smoke monster!

[Ptyra]

Honey, where's my supersuit? -Frozone from The Incredibles.

"What?!"
"WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT!?!"
"I uh put it away"
"WHERE!?"
"WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW!?"
"I NEED IT!"
Gah, can't remember the rest DX
But still  

AoFW
Toad: (to Adder) You've found yourself a new friend (Sinuous)
Adder: That's none of your buisness!
Toad: You'll be adding up adders soon I recons!
Adder: Sinuous, shall I deal with that odious creature, or shall you?

And that's supposed to be a kid's show, even though I get only 2/3ds of the quote.

[Cancerian Tiger]

Two from Disney's Robin Hood:


The chariot falls apart, and PJ and Sir Hiss are laying in mud.  PJ starts kicking up a fuss.

Sir Hiss: "I knew it!  I knew this would happen!  I tried to warn you but no no no you would'nt listen to me!"

PJ raises mother's mirror.

Sir Hiss:  "Ah, ah ah!  Seven years bad(CRASH) luck.  That's what it is.  Besides, you broke your mother's mirror."

PJ:  "Aiii, Mommy!(sucks thumb then pulls it back out) I've got a dirty thumb.



A later scene, when it's(supposedly) only Sherriff and Trigger at the castle.

Trigger:  "I dunno, Sherriff, but I have a funny feeling there's gonna be a jail break here any minute..."(accidentally aims crossbow at Sherriff)

Sherriff:  "Watch it, Trigger!  Put that Peatshooter down!"

Trigger:  "Ah, don't worry Sherriff.  The safety's on ol' Betsy."

Crossbow sets off, causing Sherriff and Trigger to leap around for a few moments.

Sherriff(catches his breath):  What in tarnation were you trying to do, you birdbrain?!"(pops Trigger one on the head)

Trigger:  "Just doin' my duty, Sherriff."

Sherriff:  "Argh, you and that trigger finger of yours."

[Ptyra]

Sir Hiss: "I knew it!  I knew this would happen!  I tried to warn you but no no no you would'nt listen to me!"

PJ raises mother's mirror.

Sir Hiss:  "Ah, ah ah!  Seven years bad(CRASH) luck.  That's what it is.  Besides, you broke your mother's mirror."

PJ:  "Aiii, Mommy!(sucks thumb then pulls it back out) I've got a dirty thumb. ."

Love that bit   ! I had a goofy idea that they were in prison for seven years...and all because of the mirror breaking  

[f-22 "raptor" ace]

some funny ace combat quotes from Ace Combat 5
"I don't mind all the attractions guys, but next time, pay for your own tickets!"
"Quit screwing around, this is war! The enemy is all over and they're gonna eat you alive!"
"Oh yeah, just weave through the missiles. What are you, NUTS?!"
"This is AWACS Thunderhead. Captain Davenport, how many times do I have to tell you to cut the chatter?!"
Chopper: "Thunderhead, this is Razgriz 3, roger that."
AWACS Thunderhead: "What did you just say?"
Baker 7, I'm going to attack [the military helicopters] myself!
Patrol Car Baker 7: Hey Charlie 11, what's that you got in the back seat?!
Patrol Car Charlie 11: That's my anti-tank rifle! I brought it with me from home!
Kirk: Woof woof, woof!
Blaze: Yes.
Kirk: Woof!
ace combat zero
Pixy: "Crow 3, if you get shot down, crash where I can't see."
PJ: Roger that. Leave it to me.
Valais AFB: "One of the bombers has left the battlefront, he must've chickened out."
Pixy: "Why would he leave after getting this far?"

[Amaranthine]

In the LBT 6:

Grandpa(talking to Doc about that Mr. Three Horn is a good person once you get to know him)
Doc: Don't know if I want to stay here that long!

XD

In the LBT 7:

Pterano: Don't tell me, you must be old three horn's daughter.
Cera: How did you know?
Pterano: Let's just say there is a strong family resembalnce...
Cera: Oh, thank you.
(Pterano was basically going, "what ever", but Cera didn't get it...)

Pterano: Sierra! Show a little self control will you!
Sierra: Self control my tail bone! I've been putting up with that whiney little voice since we took off!
*does a Ducky impersonation* No, no, no! Jeb, jeb, jeb! It's driving me nuts, nuts, nuts!

Pterano: Poor thing, so young, so full of life!
Sierra: So what?

During the song "Very Important Creature":

Pterano: Some of us are born to lead while the rest of you must follow.
Sierra: I'd like to knock him off his perch!
Rinkus: This is getting hard to swallow!
Pterano: Look at these wings, look at this beak!
Rinkus: I guess you can say you are quite unique (sarcasm here)
Sierra: When I finish with him he won't even speak! (Run Pterano run!)

XD

[Achillobator]

Bart: Who knew a bunch of guys in brown shirts could cause so much trouble?


(You might need a bit of a history lesson to get this one. )

[Kor]

Ali: "Rhett is very brave, but he won't play with kids he doesn't know. "
Littlefoot: "That doesn't sound very brave."

Then the reaction shot on Rhett's face.  

[Ptyra]

One of my favorite bits of Gone With the Wind
Pork: Who's gonna milk that cow, Miss Scarlet? We's housewoikers
GO PORK   !

[Achillobator]

Because I see a few RvB fans..


Caboose: "We have a lot in common, agent Washington..."
Washington: "No we don't......and don't ever say that again..."

[f-22 "raptor" ace]

some more funny AC quotes
enemy planes at 3 o'clock!
3 o'clock from who? you're not helping us here!

Osean Company D: "Uhh, this is company D. I have a favor to ask. Could you bomb our monster of a captain from the air for us?"
Blaze: No.
Osean Company D: Oh, sorry just kidding. Psst Lance, plan fail. We gotta think of something else!

[Clawandfang]

From Dad's Army:

German Officer: (to Pike) "What's your name boy?"
Captain Mainwaring: "Don't tell him Pike!"

[Spartanguy88]

"If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing."

-Homer Simpson-