Land Before Time: Twilight Valley

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #40 on:** November 17, 2008, 03:24:06 PM

One word that describes Ms. Maia: COWARD! Two reasons: Ducky is bound so she cannot fight back, and she's not as strong of a fighter. A suggestion: in a future chapter, have a battle scene in which Ducky really opens up a can of whoopa** on Ms. Maia and wins

. It would only seem fitting for the hostage to seek vengeance on the assailant. Okay, I'll stop before this thread becomes a Ms. Maia-bashing thread. I still despise that meanie nonetheless

. Can't wait to see the next chapter.

brekclub85 · **Reply #41 on:** November 17, 2008, 05:35:33 PM

Can't wait to see Chomper and Ducky fre. They're pretty much the nicest dinos in the world, they don't deserve it

Serris · **Reply #42 on:** November 17, 2008, 06:19:37 PM

Cancerian Tiger, death for Ms. Maia or no?

I had intended for Strut to kill Ms. Maia (not until much later) and Ducky to kill Procella (the black sickleclaw). Only Procella will die for now.

By the way, Procella will be doing most of the torture on Ducky (including one rather nightmarish scene where Procella kills and eats Ducky's brother in front and she's forced to watch.)

Ms. Maia will be dealing with Chomper. She also does some rather evil things to him (one of which is beating Chomper so severely his rescuers think he's dead).

And yes, I WANT people to hate these two characters so much that people WANT them dead.

Cancerian Tiger, Ms. Maia actually is quite good at hand-to-hand combat (justified by how all the Great Valley dinos got trained in hand-to-hand combat at Deimos's suggestion). She's not as good as Ducky (can't justify why) but she compensates by fighting very, very dirty.

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #43 on:** November 18, 2008, 02:23:51 AM

First of all, though I'm not telling ya what to do in regard to your fanfic, I have stated that I do not appreciate nor support the death of ANY of the original LBT cast, especially the Gang. The murder of (Spike, I'm assuming) is something I'm not certain I could stomach reading

. However, this is your fanfic, so do whatever ya please. Yeah, I truly despise Ms. Maia and she deserves to get her a** kicked or even eaten, but should Ms. Maia lose her life for her dirty deeds? I'm torn on this. Sorry if that does not help. Ducky becoming a murderer? Yeesh! I dunno about that :unsure:. Perhaps a fastbiter could get pissed off at Procella for eating his most anticipated dinner (if you're going through with the murder) and tear Procella to shreds for eating his next meal and spare Ducky. If Ms. Maia is to get whacked, go forward with your intention of Strut doing the job. A suggestion: before he finishes Ms. Maia off, allow him to give Ducky the honors of giving her many swift kicks to the ribs

. That hurts like a you-know-what, and after she put poor Ducky through that, it only seems fair. This is all the advice I can think of for now. I'll post later as more ideas (and chapters) come along

.

Serris · **Reply #44 on:** November 18, 2008, 07:27:02 PM

The sibling getting eaten is not Spike.

About Ducky becoming a murderer, she has already killed someone. In chapter 12 ( Battle for the Great Valley), she, along with Hyp and Mutt beat a sickleclaw to death.

I had planned for Ducky to kill Procella during the melee that erupts when the rescue team interrupts Ducky's and Chomper's interrogation/indoctrination. Ms. Maia will escape and Ducky is freed by Strut.

While Strut is fighting with the enemy forces, Procella will attack Ducky with a torch. Ducky will seize a stone knife used for preparing herbal medications and stab Procella to death with it. She will then collapse from a combination of the strain of battle and the abuse that she's been through.

I won't spoil the rest.

Serris · **Reply #45 on:** November 28, 2008, 02:12:42 AM

Are there any suggestions that you want to make?

As for the characterization of Ms. Maia, how does this passage fit her:

(Chomper and Ducky are tied to rocks and being interrogated on Cloud Island at this point.)

Quote

Ms. Maia grinned. “Comfortable?”

“Pretty good, considering that fact that I’m tied to a rock!” Chomper spat.

Ms. Maia chuckled. “So. Have you met our other guest?”

“If you harm Littlefoot, I will rip your damned head off and eat it!”

“Go screw yourself.” Chomper muttered under his breath. His insult earned him a swift kick to the ribs from Ms. Maia.

“Tsk. Tsk. Such rudeness.”

brekclub85 · **Reply #46 on:** November 28, 2008, 02:13:57 AM

I applaud Chomper for saying that, just don't let him die please.

Serris · **Reply #47 on:** December 11, 2008, 12:26:10 AM

Here it is! Chapter 14.

Admittedly, this is not my best work but I finished literally a minute ago.

You'll have to wait until chapter 15 to see what happens to Chomper and Ducky and how the Great Valley dinosaurs are doing.

-------------------

Chapter 14

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Author's Notes:

The sparring match was inspired by the Twilight Valley RP going on in the LBT Role Play section.

Chomper's rather brutal death threat to Ms. Maia seems a little extreme but may be justified by how he was held captive.

The falling wood spike trap was my own invention.

I intended for Mr. Bigmouth's grove to be the "R&D labs" of the Great Valley. Hence the stone spearheads, the calabashes, the herbs, Mr. Bigmouth's attempt to destroy some of the materials and the enemy dinosaurs rooting through the ashes.

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #48 on:** December 11, 2008, 12:06:36 PM

Oh, goodness! I'm already feeling for Ducky

. That'll most likely be terrible to her mental health, given her sweet and gentle nature. That Ms. Maia and Procella are REALLY taking things too far now and need to get their a**es kicked

! This last chapter has left me thinking, "How far does a person have to go before their victim feels that itch to whack them?"

Serris · **Reply #49 on:** January 01, 2009, 03:49:39 AM

I was wondering, is this too brutal?

Chapter 15 sample: Sierra, Rinkus, Ozzie, and 2 sickleclaws (Dromaeo and Achilles) encounter and kill a Great Valley guard.

Quote

Achilles looked at the dying Swimmer. “No sense in wasting good meal.”

Dromaeo leapt upon the dying Swimmer and began gorging himself.

“Hey! Save some for me!”

Dromaeo obliged by decapitating the Swimmer and handing the head to Achilles. “Enjoy.”

Achilles shrugged and began eating.

Dark Pterano · **Reply #50 on:** January 01, 2009, 05:04:26 AM

No it doesn't look too brutal to me, in fact it look's okay to me. Besides I've seen/read stories that are worse? Plus I hope you get the next chapter up soon!

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #51 on:** January 01, 2009, 01:35:51 PM

Yeah, I've read MUCH worse. Do as ya wish.

brekclub85 · **Reply #52 on:** January 01, 2009, 02:06:28 PM

Trust me, that's practically tame compared to other things I've read/watched.

Serris · **Reply #53 on:** January 10, 2009, 03:29:42 AM

Here it is! Chapter 15!

WARNING! This chapter contains some brief strong language and some fairly graphic and disturbing scenes.

-----------------------------------------------------

Chapter 15

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Author's Notes:

Achilles is an Achillobator (hence his name)

The tactic of poisoning the water supply was inspired by Brekclub's Sharptooth Valley fan fic.

The two Claw Valley herbalists are named after 2 different poisonous plants.

Tree branch torches are inspired by the Furry novel If Animals Could Speak. However, the idea of using plant based fuels to make the torches burn hotter and brighter is an original idea.

-----------------------------------------------------

ETA (1/10/09) - 17:55 (added more Author's Notes)

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #54 on:** January 11, 2009, 12:39:13 AM

Aw, man! Poor Ducky :cry2. This is getting more interesting. Keep the chapters coming

!

brekclub85 · **Reply #55 on:** January 11, 2009, 03:45:56 PM

Man, Ms. Maia is messed up! :blink:

BTW, I'm very flattered that you based a portion of your fanfic off mine.

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #56 on:** January 12, 2009, 03:31:42 AM

Sorry I did not further elaborate lastnight. I became ill by reading that. That statement is not meant to be negative. I am usually unphased by blood and gore. It was the thought of poor Ducky witnessing that which made me sick. Poor girl. Not many stories impact me this much, so this says you're a great writer, and very descriptive at that

. Don't feel upset about what happened to me. Take that as a compliment, for you're a great writer indeed

. This is getting more and more interesting and suspensful. Keep 'em coming!

Serris · **Reply #57 on:** January 27, 2009, 05:58:23 PM

Okay here's a little preview of Chapter 16.

1.) Expedition team has partially been decided. Still debating whether to add Spike in or not.

2.) Characters from LBT 9 and LBT 4 will make an appearance. They will not be expected ones.

Chomper4 · **Reply #58 on:** January 27, 2009, 09:32:32 PM

When will Zelda and Guido appear?

Dark Pterano · **Reply #59 on:** January 27, 2009, 10:06:38 PM

Hey Chomper4

I'm sorry to say but Guido's not going to be in the story as far as I know of. And who's Zelda?